Henry Zebrowski
Appearances
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
If they're biological, I've been saying this and yelling this from the rooftops, if they're biological and if they've arrived here in a ship, we are all, the entire amount of us is entirely screwed. Well, if it comes down to bar fights, Boston would be a great place to take them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
And everyone was like, yeah, of course they got mad when the overtime was getting ganked. Because I already knew this, though. People were like, they were getting furious because all of a cop's pension is based upon the overtime payments in the last couple years and the payments that you make in the last couple years of your time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
And then they take that amount of money and then they protract that onto your pension. So that's why my dad, right before you retired, was working like 120 hours a week. Overworked the oldest. I mean, you know, they're always there. But at least my dad was at a desk job. Yeah. So at least there was that. He just did that accident investigation. So you have to go chase after terrorists.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
It's not like they got guns or anything. No, no, no. My dad was mostly just using that guns to sort of like open up doors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Well, this lady... It might be none of our show business, but it is our show business, Mr. Larson, because this lady, you know, we've covered her maybe in fits and spurts, maybe not entirely, you know, but this lady is... The people picture. Can you pull up the people article real quick, Rob? She is a, you know what I'm going to call her? She's a pip.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
She's a pip. She's a real character. Now, this is a lady by the name of, and you know her, you love her, Taylor Shabizness. She murdered her. Yeah, she is so evil looking, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
And then him just like, he looks so defeated. You've got No, buddy, watch the video. It's the opposite. He's such a, this motherfucker's a real G. We're going to get into all this. All right, so Taylor's Your Business murdered Shad Therion, 24 years old. This is in 2022. This came after a night of them smoking methamphetamine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
And I guess, which I did not know you could do, is melt down and inject the sleeping aid trazodone, which I think gives you good middle ground. Yeah, it brings you back to zero. It just gives you back to zero. So everybody was fine. And so in this murder, they said that they had already experimented with autoerotic asphyxiation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
She decided to do it with chains, and she was having a really good time with it to the point where she saw blood come out of his mouth, and she had killed him with her bare hands. Then she fellated his dead corpse. Then she desecrated his dead corpse by playing with his butthole, stuffing stuff up his butthole. Then she chopped off his head. With a butter knife. Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
But that's if you get them drunk first and first you have to ingratiate them with a bunch of semi-annoying Boston women because that's what will wear them down. You got to get them in there, wear them down, talk to them about the Bruins. Get up in their face talking about all sorts of playoffs. Talk about like, oh, you know, give me a guy from the Red Sox. Big Papi. Big Papi. What's he doing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Oh, no, with a bread knife. She's a real determined lady. Tailorship business is a career wanting to be murderer. She is someone that grew up. You know, remember those little commercial for markets? She's wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
But you know how, like, they said no one grows up wanting to be a junkie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
yeah she did like this is a lady that saw the commercial was like yeah i loved i want yeah friday i guess that's me i'm the friday yeah and so she taylor's your business is such a devious looking woman now yeah this is so she's been put in jail for life she's 27 yeah buddy oh she looks 48 she's an intense lady she's had a lot of life eddie she's 27 she's lived a lot of life Oh my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Her Shabizness was living and Shabizness was good. And Taylor Shabizness now in jail is more dangerous than ever. She's out of Shabizness now. Well, no. Oh, buddy. She put herself right back into Shabizness. This is the first layer. Now, the first lawyer, she attacked a lawyer, her first defense lawyer, during a hearing that then were involved in her having, she had to put a bag over her face.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
She sat there. So she's already attacked one lawyer. This is during her sentencing for the first crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
So now she's in jail for life with no parole. Then in jail, she gets into an altercation with a prisoner. She gets cut. A nurse has to go and deal with Taylor Bishop. She's got to take a staple out of her face. Yeah. She's got to do something to her, right? Was it a staple? Yeah, she had a staple.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
And then she had a staple in her face that the nurse had to remove. And then she attacked the nurse. So the nurse comes in. She attacks the nurse. They then call in the prison guard. Prison guard comes in. She attacks the prison guard with a pan, a bedpan, and also full-on fight. Takes several dudes to pin her down to the ground. She's fucking, now she's in trouble again. She doesn't care.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
How could she be in trouble? She's in prison for life. That's just what we're talking about with Lori. They just add to it. They just add to the end of it. Add to what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
they just fucking put you back into the system because the goal is they have to get you for each crime and they gotta give you opportunities it's how it fucking works so now she is going to be put on trial for assault right so now she's on assault in jail Her most recent hearing to figure out all of this disappearances, she attacks her lawyer again. Now, this... Different lawyer.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Different lawyer. New lawyer. Brand new lawyer. Now, this is a person by the name of Curtis Jolka. Curtis Jolka is one of these guys. He looks like... You know when your lawyer also sort of looks like a criminal? Like, he looks like John Fetterman. He's the guy who would take it. Yes, he looks like a guy, you know, like, so he kind of looks like a guy, like, how do you put it?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Even her lawyer looks like a shaved orangutan in a suit. He looks like a sad potato man. But, see, I kind of like this. He looks to me like the guy, funny enough, how do I say it? He's like the Joker's lawyer. He looks like Arkham Asylum's home defendant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
But sometimes these guys, you know, we here at Last Podcast on the Left are not anti-defense attorney. I know defense attorneys are extremely important. I'm very pro-defense attorney. And this guy is technically who I'm calling. If I ever have a problem, I am calling this man because of this reaction. So they are sitting in the beginning of the sentencing. Tailorship business is brought in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
She's got a bit of a mischievous glint in her eye. Now, it seems to be maybe everybody knows that there's something going on. We don't know whether or not she has made threats to this lawyer ahead of time, but it seems that she really likes the attention. So in this video, she sat down. So let's play it now. He for sure looks like he's waiting to be attacked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
This is what I'm saying. But they flew him back. Now the aliens are distracted. We're talking about sports. Yeah. That's how you get them. But that's different. That's Boston. It's great for that then. This is the second layer. And then New York, Minnesota, Florida. I mean, Florida sort of makes sense because they're going to survive no matter what. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Well, he, I don't think he knows because you'll see the reaction. I mean, he knows she attacked her last lawyer. So she clocks him, right? You see here, she looks into the camera. So as she gets up, she barely touched him. Well, only because the motherfucker behind him, look at this fucking offensive lineman push.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That dude, the security officer behind her needs to get offensive lineman of the year. I'm sure he was. That dude is huge. And he is, like, he's in a three-point stance, like, right behind her because as she gets up to get him, He fucking shoulders in her tits. I mean, he's just waiting for her. Yeah. Boom. Gets her down. He's probably keyed in the entire trial waiting for this exact moment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
But look at this reaction, Eddie. Curtis Juka. Now he does this. Curtis Juka turns to the fucking prosecutor and just does the, why me worry? What are you going to do? Yeah, what are you going to do? I don't know if I can do these business. She's crazy. She's crazy. You don't want to sit over here, do you? This guy is such a hardcore motherfucker. He barely flinched.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
He definitely looks like someone who's taken a beating or two. He looks like, I think he's given a beating or two. Well, I think so. It doesn't mean if he's given them that he hasn't taken them. But look at this. This is a, I just, I'm proud of this lawyer. But that lady, the key about Taylor's business is that she clocks the camera before she attacks him. She wants this attention.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Well, yeah, because she's trying to get off for being crazy. But the thing is that it constantly backfires on her because then they do, they have done several competency runs on her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
they did it during the OG trial she's saying when she confessed her confessions are chilling too she thought it was hot she thought the whole thing was awesome she got sexually excited by the entire fucking arrangement so she is I think you know what a lot of us talk about living our best lives and she actually is this is what she's always wanted this is what she's always wanted but she's pleading not guilty by insanity
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Yeah, because she has to. But yeah, so I think she's just keeping it up at this point. You know, you'd say that. I think that it's... The glint in her eye shows me that she has an idea that it's very entertaining to her. She's definitely very...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
And I bet their spaceships get caught in the swamps. I mean, I know because they're transmedium. What's that mean? They go between water and mud and air, so it doesn't matter. They don't get stuck at all. I mean, I don't know. I mean, the Everglades is very different than like... They're transmedium. It's just dirt. It's just mud, Eddie. They're coming from fucking... From space.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
villainous person yes she's an evil person no it needs to be in jail the world's better without her on the street she has to be in jail i want most prisoners out of jail not her because a lot of people you understand the the insanity plea largely is oh no one ever gets it almost it's almost impossible unless you truly are and i mean this in the gentlest way possible a babbling crazy person
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
You have to be Richard Chase. That is as far as it goes. Did he get it? No, but I believe they found him guilty, but he still went into a home for the criminally insane. Same thing with that. I watched JCS, one of my favorite true crime channels, is back. They did a thing where a guy that was at a house flipper reality show fucking...
Last Podcast On The Left
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brutally murdered his wife who didn't want to be on the show anymore and you see this guy it's like the same thing where he tried to do the insanity plea by faking being crazy and then got thrown into a mental asylum for five years continuing to try to beat the competency rap and they still said at the end of the five years yeah he's sane so then he had to be in a house of criminally insane then he had to be tried then he had to go to the fucking maximum security prison for murdering
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
in the first degree yeah i don't know i mean like if you're running a tv show for so long you know he didn't run he was just he wasn't even he was just the guest builder of the day he was in one episode oh i thought he was the host but taylor's your business i just gotta say um leave us alone What do you mean? I'm just saying, if you ever get out, I'm sorry. And leave us alone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
She ain't getting out. If there's a woman that I believe could tunnel her way out of jail, it's Taylor's Your Business. You think so? I think we need to have a close-ass eye on Taylor's Your Business. I think they do have a close-ass eye on her. They better. I'm really not worried about her getting out. No, but she wants to get out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
He fucked her ass up. She dealt with, she overpowered the prison guard. This lady's not fucking around. I mean, I'm not trying to fight her. She is not fucking around. Yeah. And there's just something. She's got a glint in her eye. She's got a little flirty little lifter, like a little thing in there. I don't know what it is about her. She scares me. Get away from me, all right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Don't fucking look at me like that. She's got makeup on. She looks a little bit younger. Actually, kind of looks older when she's got makeup on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Oh, we have to do our Ohio polygamist. You know, Ohio makes them different. Yeah. Don't they? You know you have your beautiful wife from Ohio? Oh, yeah. There's lots of decent people in Ohio. But I view your beautiful wife as an escapee from Ohio. Oh, very much so. And I view your wife as errant Ohio DNA.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
And I feel like people don't give Ohio enough credit for how fucking constantly crazy it is. It really is. But you know what's nice about this story is that it's another example of you, sometimes you'd be surprised at the sexual proclivities of some of the grosser people you've ever seen. Because these guys, some of them fuck and suck more than you have ever fucked or sucked before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
And your whole life. And they make it work for themselves in their gross little worlds. And honestly, I'm almost jealous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Now, we got a lady and her five boyfriends. Boyfriends is a term for that. I kind of view her as a human. You know those sandwich, was it the snacky cake snowballs? Yeah, snowballs. She's like a human version of a snowball getting fucked by a bunch of rats. Okay. All right. I would say gas station sandwich, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
pretty good hair i you know what i don't i don't disagree i got surprisingly good hair they could use some biotin um now six people aaron bradshaw could use some biotin but the rest of these guys i mean it's luxurious now god gives and he takes away can i tell you one thing if you why their hair is so nice because he took away some chromosomes well because i'm sure they don't
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
bathe and at first it gets bad but then then it starts getting in the oils and like start getting good if you go a really long time it's without shampooing and i think that's what happened with these fellas never find this out now there are six people in ohio are accused of kidnapping a man and torturing him for seven days including beating him with a metal bat and depriving him of food and water and even worse booking him into a red room and now
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Welcome to Side Stories. You're sitting here with Henry Sprowski and Ed Larson, the Palladiums. He's learning. He's learning. I think that's pretty good. Wisconsin, also very safe. See, Wisconsin, I buy. Center of the United States of America. Also hammered.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Red Roof, I'm sorry. Yes. I'm sorry. Oh, wow, yeah, definitely a horrible place for you and your plus-size entourage to torture a man. Yes. This would never happen in a Marriott. Not once. Never. I've never seen this at a Kempton. Yes. No. Never.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Now, the group, they tortured this man. Now, the man has gone unnamed. I think he's closer to a boy. He's in his 20s. He's in his 20s. Now, Martina Escada, 28 years fun, is the leader of this group of young ruffians that are all thirsty for that punani. They come with Aaron Bradshaw. I want to say the head security officer. The other boyfriend is his son, Austin Bradshaw. It's his son? Oh, yeah.
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I don't know why I was thinking nephew. No, he taught, daddy taught son how to fuck his girlfriend. Chance Johnston, 27, David Cessna, and Martina Escada's actual husband, Michael Escada, 28. Now, these five men, now, the five men and this one lovely lady, they formed a little bit of what one might call a fuck patch. Now, the thing is, I look at them.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I don't really understand quite the sexual energy that goes on in there. But at the same time, as much as all of this literally makes my skin crawl and makes me nauseous to the very corner of me imagining it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
These guys want to fuck more than anybody's ever fucked. And this woman is providing it. So whatever it is, maybe we're missing out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
So this guy, so apparently there was a fight.
Last Podcast On The Left
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No, there was apparently a dog fight in their property. So they have been sharing a property together and there was a dog fight. And Martina and the unnamed kidnapper. I don't think it was like a professional dog fight. Are there any? I feel like even at their very best, Eddie. I don't think money was being thrown down. I think two dogs got in an argument. The two dogs got into an actual fight.
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No, I don't think they have the organizational skills to run a dog gambling ring.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
You sent me this list of the top 10 states that would be safe during an alien invasion. Yes, which do you believe it? No. You don't believe it. That's fun. I like that. You guys should do something with that. He sent this to me. He sent this to me and says the number one state is Virginia. Virginia. It's all based upon terrain, population density, how many first responders and engineers there are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
No. And so the unnamed kidnappy tried to break up the fight with the dogs and got involved with Martina, who then she apparently like he says it's a he said she said thing where he said, oh, we got into this fight and I heard her. Martina tells her fucking gang of fucking skinny rat fucks. That this guy broke my arm, which it wasn't broken.
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You know, again, I think that if you really, in my mind, I would change this all to the Dakotas because it's the least amount of humans there. That is what they're going to be looking for if they're here to kill us all. But you're wrong, though. They're looking for the people. I'm incorrect. I'm correct. According to gigacalculator.com. Gigacalculator.com. Gigasuckmydick.com. Whoa. Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And then they proceeded to kidnap him and torture him for the next week. So they took him to a room. They beat him with metal baseball bats. They stood him up. They made him do all this kind of shit. They stomped on him a bunch. They stomped on him a bunch. He slept for 10 hours over seven days. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Which must have been so hard being inside of that comfortable, wonderful Red Roof Inn, just looking at that wonderful bed and incredible mat that you sleep on. And then the weird stool that's there for the child that you've trafficked. It's such a wonderful place. They beat a man next to death for a week and no one noticed. I said anything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
If you want to check out from life, Red Roof Inn, no one's checking in on you there. If you're looking to group torture a man after your professional dog fights, come on down to Red Roof Inn Toledo. Wow, 3.5 stars. Not bad, actually. Yeah, actually, it's not bad. Can we read some of these Yelp reviews of this? It's 2.2 on Yelp. 2.2 on Yelp. Something that could be cooked, Rob.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Something that could be cooked. I want to read some of these reviews. Two stars. Yelp was actually what the... The man was... Yeah, the room is filthy. The front desk is used to it. I'm not sure how a dirty room gets overlooked, but I wasn't offered another one or an apology.
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I'm pretty sure this is a hotel that people live in versus one that rents out to people traveling, suspicious drug activity, people sleeping in their cars, and the staff being okay with renting out something like this is not okay. Sure, not smoking, no smoking is a joke. Cigarette butts on the floor in her room. It smelled like smoke in the hallways. Yeah. Toilet 12 inches off the floor.
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Oh, refrigerator made noise all night, and the noise was like, help me, help me, help me. Get me out of here. Escape. Mayday. Mayday. Get me to a little Quinta. But here, though, what's that four-star say? This guy really liked it. When we take road trips, we don't usually plan our overnight stays. If we need to stop for the night, we find a hotel wherever we happen to be.
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This is usually a straightforward process, but on this particular night, okay, to be precise, it was one in the morning in Maumee, Ohio, just outside of Holyoke. This is a four-paragraph I mean, he liked it. Positive rating for this place. I was robbed at knife point by a lady who pretty much lived there. Found this out after meeting her on the bus route. And I'm not from here, I must say, ad.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That was probably her. Why did he do the Ed Grimley? Oh, yeah. Wow, so go check out the Red Roof Inn in Miami, Ohio, and tell them Last Podcast and the Left Sunchuk. Yeah, I think they use the AC units as urinals. I mean, partially just because it's the only thing that keeps the piss cold enough to travel. And at least with the bed bugs, you're not sleeping alone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Now we're past the intro. Alaska. So now I can say suck balls, fuck shit. But, hiney, suck testicles. Thank you. Poop. What? I'm just trying to keep us on the level here. Thank you. Alaska? Well, let me ask him. Yeah, Alaska sounds fine. It doesn't fucking matter. All right. It's all just a dead end. It's not going to happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Hey, and that's the only thing you can ask for when you're traveling on the road. Especially when you're already getting done pork the five semi-hard penises that have been in your trailer park for the last two years. You've probably known each one of those penises since they were five years old. And now you're letting them all fuck you. But they're calling it a cult.
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They're saying Martina Jones is the leader, which I love. Okay. I mean, it makes sense. Cult leaders make everyone fuck them. They have Manson vibes, kind of. Oh, for sure. It's like a whole bunch of Charles Mansons. Don't do that to them. Don't do that to Charles Manson. Charles Manson kind of had style. You know, even Charles Manson was a pop icon. Yeah. And the ladies were cute. Yeah. Ish.
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Yeah. According to Tarantino. Sure. But Tarantino also, they were an older version of me thought so. that they were cute. But now, as an adult, I don't find them as cute as I did. You said an older version of you, so that's in the future. The younger version. I was like, so you're going to think they're cute. Eventually, I will turn around. Yeah, so that's one story. What else?
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All right, so let's go to another story. Yeah, we'll go to our other lady. This is a lady-heavy episode. It is, thank God.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Now, we're just really even bringing... It's not that complicated of a story. No, there's really not much going on here. Elena Barden... It didn't work. It wasn't successful. Nope. She tried to get him to go and she had sucked his penis a couple times and sent him a bunch of naughty pictures trying to get this child to kill her husband. Now... We know this is all real.
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This is a thing that's across the United States of America. We've seen this countless times just this year. I'll never really understand it. Obviously, this is one of those women, too, like you can tell immediately she thinks she's way hotter than she is. Oh, yeah. No, she's trying to look sexy in her mugshot. Yes. And there's something about this that I just don't understand.
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I'll never understand this type of pedophilia. But the one thing, one of the biggest things I don't understand is maybe I'm wrong. If you're raping a child, just do this. All right, all right. This is hypotheticals. Yes. Yeah, we're just curious and exploring ideas. And you're a teacher and you're doing this, right? You live in Kentucky.
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Yes, and your ultimate goal is to have your husband murdered, right? I feel like... The kids that would be subjected to this style of grooming might not be the great ones to be assassins. No. I feel like if you're going to suck dick to get your husband older. I think assassins should be at least 21.
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I think that if you are, and this is just advice, that if you're looking to get your husband murdered, that you shouldn't rely on a child because they're super flaky. Yeah. And then I think that they're not ready to commit. I think that if you wanted someone to murder your husband, you have to shoot for a man just out of prison. Man just about to be let out of prison. Now, that's a super good one.
Last Podcast On The Left
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If you're a semi-hot lady and you can gussy yourself up and do a bunch of pictures, you can convince an ex-con that is about to get out of jail to murder your husband for you. And they're more likely to do it. Eric Goodwin. Yes. But the thing is, she didn't got no money. She's a teacher in Kentucky. It's not about money. Then it's not about money. You think the ex-con would just do it?
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If they arrive here, I just want to just, but the only reason why I'm even referencing the list is that if they arrive here, if we can see them and they're talking to the president, we're fucked. So just remember that. Don't, you're not safe anywhere. I mean, they're not talking to the president first. They're talking to, like, a general first. Who knows? Who knows?
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By that point, you got to get somebody who's at such a thirst point for titties that they'll do anything to see them. They literally will do anything. And that's somebody who's just being released from jail. And why wouldn't she get divorced? Because it's fucking against God. Yeah. We don't know anything about the husband. No. The husband could be a horrible person. He's just a guy. We don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Unless you're absolutely beating the fuck out of somebody and you're putting somebody's life in danger, you don't deserve to get killed. You should just get divorced. It is easier to get divorced. I know that it sucks. I'm not saying kill the husband. No. I'm just trying to find a motive here. The motive is because husbands are bad sometimes at it. Yeah. But cousins are boring.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Ugh. Ed's counting. Ed's got the calendar out. Besides stories, LPOTL and gmail.com, who are you grooming to kill your husband? Who do you choose? I feel like you're actually also better off with a dog. A direwolf, maybe. Now we know. We talked about this a little bit, a bit of a story, just, you know, science. They have apparently reconstructed the formerly extinct dire wolf. Yes.
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Which, according to some people, if you look at the actual breakdown of how they did it, it's very similar to Jurassic Park, where they used the old DNA that they found mixed with dog DNA to make a new dog. And that's why some scientists are saying it's not a dire wolf. It just looks like a dire wolf and might act like a dire wolf. It's part dire wolf. They just created a cooler dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But they're saying that because it's white, that's what makes it a dire wolf. But that can also be—it seems like it can be controlled by some form of CRISPR-style work that they do on dogs. And so we're seeing this, but everyone's saying— This is the company that made the woolly mouse.
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Yes, but there's a lot of people that are saying, much like how when we were talking about this right before the show, Eddie brought it up, which is like, maybe we should do some other animals first. Yeah, but the white rhino is almost extinct. There's only two male or two female or something. I think the only reason why they're doing it.
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I feel like that they think, because the problem with scientists is, you know what I learned? You know who taught me this, sadly? Jeffrey Epstein, which is that scientists are, I always kind of thought in my head, scientists and all that stuff.
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They're all like. incorruptible, like they're not in it for anything, which is fine.
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But like Jeffrey Epstein taught me that scientists can be purchased. And now what you can do sometimes what you also sadly more on the real side of this is that sometimes a scientist has to put together a literal like flashy package for you to want to give grants and research things to them, which is why they do stuff like. look, see, everybody, we made the dire wolf.
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That's like old Game of Thrones. You guys like Game of Thrones? We made Game of Thrones, dog. You guys give money to the Game of Thrones dog people. Because it's this thing of like, because they're desperate for money, because...
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We are as a country sliding away from research and original research and going more towards winning some fake technically economical war with other countries to build AI first, which is in the end more of a moral slash future. What does the future hold for humankind issue, which is no one wants to talk about yet.
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I actually think that they're talking to... Rubio, probably. Unfortunately, right now, they're talking to some lady in Tina in the back skirts of fucking Maryland right now. That's who they're talking to. And so we'll find out. I'm just saying, don't be prepared. Don't think your state is any safer from an alien invasion because it's not. They're lying to you. What about the picture here?
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I think it's all fucking weird. But also, I think I get it. I get it up to a point. Yeah.
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Yeah, it's all just, this is how you get celebrities to be involved. Yeah. Because it is cool, but I know you were saying bring back the dodo. The dodo would be great because we could eat it. But I still think that we just do the same thing that we did in the last one. It's going to turn into, it's just going to end up at fucking Howlin' Rays. Well, that's why I want it.
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We're going to have hot dodo. That's all we're going to have. We're going to have Nashville hot dodo. That'd be awesome. I'll take it. I'll eat it. Yeah. But the dire wolf is a... Look, it's a dire wolf. That's what they had in the game of Dwarves. They had the dire wolf. And so everyone's just like, yeah, wow, yeah. Oh, wow, that's amazing.
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Because, again, I just don't think dodos have the same cachet. Make a dragon. Make a fucking dragon, you got my money. Dragons never existed. Yeah, they did. You're creating a dragon. Dinosaurs were basically the old versions of dragons. That's why we wrote stories about dragons is because some people saw the evidence of these things under the ground.
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You think that people saw like a pterodactyl's bones and they were like, that's a dragon. That's possible. Also, I think that there's plesiosaurs that were around for much longer than we thought. I think that there were a giant. That giant is monster, right? Yes. Or is it the ghost of a plesiosaur? They're saying there's one in Michigan now. They're saying a lot of fucking shit. Yeah. No, I know.
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I actually feel like that stuff is very, very interesting in terms of the idea of there being, because have you ever heard of thiocene? It's a type of dog that was an extinct dog that has been recently spotted again. It's like thiocene. Yeah, thylacine. Okay. It was an instinct dog, the Tasmanian wolf. That looks like a Tasmanian tiger. That's exactly what it is.
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A Tasmanian tiger is what it's called. And they've now been, a couple of them popped up again. Oh, really? They've said they've been on a watch. See, that's like the cryptid stuff that I find fascinating. Yeah. It's the stuff like. Well, there's so little people around there, they could legitimately still be hiding. We don't know.
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I guess it's so they can bring it back and they can reproduce it, right? That's the idea that we'll go and we're doing the same plot. Yeah. We're just in the fucking plot.
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The aliens of pecs. They are. It is a, to be honest, they don't have creatine. Yeah. They've never once... I don't know why they do this. Every picture of aliens does show them have musculature. If it is actually closer to what we've talked about with greys, they're childlike. They're so thin.
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I think it's, you know, new dog. I mean, as someone whose dog just died, I love a new dog. Anything that... What expands life is an interesting way to go right now. I think that we are seeing a big die off of a bunch of different types of animals. I think that we are going to very often in the future engineer what we need. And I think that this is the beginning of what this is.
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Eventually, we're going to engineer the animals that we need. If it's healthy, I think it's good substitute for meat. Well, we have... That's the one thing that... To me, I know everybody's immediately like, I don't want to eat bugs. I'm afraid of eating bugs in the future. But at least bugs... originated on this planet.
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There's a little part of me that's hesitant to eat the fake bio meat because we don't know what it's going to do to us forever. What about a golden doodle? What? Would you eat one? I don't want to eat dog. No, neither do I. I don't want to eat dog, but I've also heard- But the guy who invented the golden doodle- He's wrong. He's renounced it. He's wrong. He said that he's wrong.
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Well, I was obsessed with the little tiny- You know, I love my fucked up little dogs.
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Luffy, the paralyzed dog from Dubai. It was my favorite little thing. Oh, yeah. It was bred into paralyzation for its little tiny face. It was overbred- To be cute. To become bred. And then- Yeah. And its legs were malformed because it was made to look so stupid. It is cute. But that's why I love Luffy so much. I am going to... I don't care. I know Luffy's been adopted, but I'm going to Dubai.
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I'm going to steal Luffy from the family. Oh, this is the new taken.
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I love Luffy. Luffy deserves to be with me. I want Luffy. No, he doesn't. It's in Dubai. It's built on slave labor. I'll tell you what, man. Crippled dogs, it's a lot of maintenance. Handicapped dogs, please. Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. You fucking cruel fucker. And he gets sued by the ADLA or whatever it's called. Speaking of getting sued. Now, yeah, we got this thing.
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All right, well, let's talk about this one last story before we get to letters because we're going on a cruise, Eddie. Okay, yeah. And we want to bring this up because... We're all going to be on this cruise together. I cannot stress enough. Crimewaveatsea.com slash last. If you come out, if you have one vacation a year, we're going to make this a very memorable trip. Yeah.
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We just had a meeting with the guys that we're going through. We didn't realize how little they had us doing, and we demanded we do more. We're doing a bunch of different activities on this stupid boat. We're going to have so much fun. This is going to be... But...
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The reason why I'm going to tell this story is that I feel like one thing before we go, I want to train us all to have some grace for each other on this boat. Okay? Because we're going to be there. We're going to be drunk. We're going to get... I lost my grace. Some form of dysentery. Over the edge? No, my mom's old roommate, Grace, she died. Well, you didn't lose her.
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You know exactly where she is. She's in the cemetery. Now, this is a... There is a... I just want you to... We have to be very careful with each other on this cruise. Yes. All right, so don't step on any toes.
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So in shape. Very. They're little chamelés. Little thin little hips. The alien... I feel like alien sightings are on the rise. Oh, very much so. There was one in Naples recently I saw. There's many. I mean...
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That's right. CEOs have been getting a bad rap, and this isn't helping. So some drunk happy man was dancing around barefoot inside. I will say this was not outside. This was in a nightclub on the cruise ship. And he got close. The guy got close. And the guy's name was Kenneth DiGiorgio.
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Yes. They were on The Resilient Lady. His wife, Nicole, got mad. His wife, Nicole, was not a resilient lady. No. Oh, that was the name of the ship? Yeah, that's the name of the boat. The resilient lady. Oh, God. That sounds awful. Oh, yeah. It sounds like a woman you don't want to meet at the return desk of a Target. Yes. It sounds like she's a business. She is a resilient lady.
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So this guy was dancing barefoot inside of the bar and he got near his wife. The on the rocks bar. Now, let me say this to Eddie. It's been a really long time since I've been on a cruise. And so part of this is, wouldn't you say on a cruise? Well, like it's probably it's more gross for you to not have your shoes, your shoes on.
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yeah inside of it because that's also me i get skeeved out about not having shoes and socks on but my question is is that is it that out of character within a cruise ship no you're going it's island life right you know isn't the entire boat island life also by the way the bar it's called on the rocks i don't want to think about hitting rocks when i'm on a boat you know this is like it's a bad name for a bar shipwrecks yes
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my week this week i'm doing for those of you that don't know uh last night and it's going to be out on youtube this week we do our stream last stream on the left i do my ufo mandate it's a big week for new shapes did you see the um the stuff that was spotted off the cruise ship oh yes that was wild are you talking about the um the one that jetted into the water with no splash yes i am i thought you were talking about the girlfriend of the faster pussycat guy that she jumped off the cruise into the water
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Which is honestly a completely reasonable response. Because his feet was getting close to his wife. I could see why he was getting angry. I hate feet, too. But also, but I will say, never try to stop a man who is dancing with no shoes on because you're going to get the double bird. Every time, actually. No man intoxicated dancing with no shoes on is going to be like, oh, I'm sorry.
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DiGiorgio, while he was choking him, said, I'm going to fucking kill you. Whoa, I wonder. So that really can't be too misinterpreted, right? DiGiorgio was then ordered confined to his room, which...
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Well, they I do think that they are from what I've heard from people. It's layers of approach. Yeah. So you can be you can be put into your because you're going to be seeing police officers when you get off the boat. Well, yeah, as soon as they got to Puerto Rico, because Puerto Rico is technically America, the cops took them. Yes. So that does happen. And so apparently what it is is it's levels.
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You can be sequestered to your room. That's level one. And then I believe if you then try to leave your room, you will go to the brig.
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Because I think they try to give you the shot because I think that once you're in the brig on the boat, that's a bunch of paperwork that a bunch of people don't want to do.
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Because if you're already going to get scooped by the cops anyway and you'll stay in your room.
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See, you say this, but I say it's the resilient woman that can possibly, possibly resist the efforts of many, many, many men. It takes a resilient lady to not get fucked in every hole. Last I heard.
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He's going to go, he's going to get some kind of time or he'll get time served. There'll be something there. It's just, we have to kind of let him remember that we're all on this boat together. It was an international waters. It was. And so we'll see. But I don't think anybody can be choked anywhere.
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You're completely correct. And that way you are not wrong. But no, I think that this man, we have to allow each other this space. And if you're on there, there's no point in being uptight on a cruise. You're already on a cruise. Because guess what? Let's just be frank. That's not even that fancy of a cruise.
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no if this was a super fancy cruise it'd also be different well that's what also i think kind of what we got going on here is these ceos they're used to really fancy nice things and then they go on a normal cruise and then they're around normal people the rest of us who dance around without our shoes on get all hammered and drunk and get all fucking we're like fun people you know what as much as i'm like oh you know come see what it's like you know what stay away
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No. No, that's really very sad. I actually got an extremely sad message about that from people that worked with Faster Pussycat and said that they legitimately, she jumped off the cruise ship after they had a fight and then the rest of the band had to go and continue to play. faster pussycat songs. The show doesn't always have to go on.
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Dude, I don't fucking need your ass on this boat, man. Go to your fancy shit, dude. This is our only vacation. This is my trash life. This is what I'm doing. You've decided to come into my trash life. This is not your world, bro. Yeah, we're not at the fucking Ritz Carlton, your friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stay the fuck up. First of all, the bar's called On the Rocks. Get the fuck out.
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He's got no shoes on. You're lucky he's got pants on. Did you see his dick and balls?
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Yeah, he never touched her. He was just mad he didn't have shoes on, which is his problem. I mean, it is absolutely his problem. You're on a bar on a cruise. You're going to see feet. You're going to see feet? And I'm with you. I think it's gross too, sir. Yeah. But there's nothing we can do about it. I'll tell you one dude who's not getting a foot job. Who? The CEO. No.
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Foot jobs just have to be... I've never had one. It's horrible. I think that the goal would be, honestly, if you... That's a whole special skill set. Oh, yeah. A foot job from somebody who doesn't know what they're doing. I think it just needs patience. I think that if you don't know what's going on and you're trying to do a foot job, it's so easy to hurt somebody. It's so hard.
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The dick and balls are so fragile. And, you know, it's rough down there. We don't know what you got. If you fucking have had any of these... Your feet done or whatever. I don't know.
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Nothing to make me cum, but the top half.
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So is the ass. Isn't that the middle of a woman? Would you call that the middle? Bottom half. Below the waist. But I like parts of the top half as well. I'm just saying. Like her mind and her soul. Yeah, you can like... From the top half of a woman. Yeah. Do you think corns help with the foot job? I mean, depends on if you liked it ribbed for his pleasure. We'll have to ask Jonathan Davis.
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Yeah, I'm certain he'll know. That's stupid. Let's do some listener letters. Think he fucks a bagpipe? We know he's had sex with his father. Yo, we do know that. No, let's talk about this. We have a couple of good. We asked last week. Oh, yeah. These are some babysitter terrifying stories. And we were onslaughted. Yes. Some of these are great. I love a terrifying story from a babysitter.
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And so here we go. Let's see what we got here. I was 14. I had a new family that had just moved into our quiet little neighborhood. They didn't stay long. Seven, maybe eight months. But they left an impression I'll never forget. Two daughters. Mia, seven. Sarah, three. And for the sake of privacy, those names will do. At first glance, it was just another job. Sorry a little much. It is.
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The kind where the parents hand you the emergency contacts wave and head out the door. But me and Sarah's mom lingered. She looked me dead in the eye and said, you call me if anything happens. Her voice wasn't stern. It was nervous. Take it again. That was a little stern. Call me if anything happens. Much better. Uneasy. I talked it up to the first time jitters about a new sitter.
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The lead singer sequestered himself into his room for the rest of the weekend while the band, which is also, I want to honestly, big ups to the rest of the band. Did they sing for him? I guess. Who sang? I don't know. I feel like at that point they know all the songs. By the way... First of all, I've never even heard of this band. No, me neither. I'm sure they're fine.
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I was just a teenager after all. So the first hour or so was perfectly normal. The girls played with dolls and blocks. I exhaled. Easy money. Then came dinner. Pizza. I was slicing up Sarah's plate when Mia's demeanor snapped like a rubber band. She demanded, screamed, that I cut hers too. I gently told her I'd be just a second.
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That's when she started jamming whole slices into her mouth, eyes locked at mine, and she forced herself to choke. I dropped the knife, ran over, dug the pizza out of her throat. Sorry for laughing. Her expression never changed. It's very funny. Insane children make me so terrified. Yeah, it's true. Once Sarah was ready for bed, I told Mia I'd be back to play.
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I was upstairs for maybe five minutes when I heard it. The kind of scream that drills into your spine. I bolted downstairs, heart pounding, only to find Mia standing in the middle of the room, smiling, still. I asked what happened. She stared at me and whispered, I want you to play with me. No. Her eyes were wrong, like someone had flipped a switch behind them and the real girl had disappeared.
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I told her I'd be back in a minute. She ran ahead of me faster than I expected and climbed into her sister's bed. Before I could intervene, she shoved Sarah onto the floor. The toddler wailed and I rushed to scoop her up. In the chaos, Mia snatched my phone from my pocket and locked herself in the bathroom. A moment later, I heard the toilet flush.
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I was still banging on the door when she flung it open and sprinted barefoot out the front door. It was still light out. Thank God. But she ran like something was chasing her through the yard into the street. I tore after her, caught her mid sprint, wrap my arms around her like a human cage while she kicked and bit wild eyed and thrashing.
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No warning, no trigger, just something inside her unleashed back inside. I told her to go to her room. I checked the bathroom. My phone was soaked at the bottom of the toilet. Then came the worst moment of the night. It gets worse. I didn't hear her footsteps. Just her presence behind me. I turned and there she stood. I turned, there she stood.
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Big brown eyes, glassy and sweet like none of it had happened. Are you mad at me? She asked. I didn't answer. I just told her to go back to her room and stayed close to Sarah. Fifteen minutes later, the parents came home. I told them everything. Mom pulled me outside, shutting the door softly behind her. She looked exhausted, haunted. She's been having some trouble.
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She said, do you think that we should get help? I never stepped foot in that house again. They moved away not long after. Some kids throw tantrums. Some break rules. But every now and then, you meet one who looks at you with calm eyes.
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No, I loved it. And also, kids are frightening. I don't want kids at all. No, I want to be nowhere near them. Yeah, stay away. If the parents are around, I'll hang out with them. I actively dislike them. I actively hate your children.
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We got another one. And because this is side stories, I'm not going to let today pass without a single mention of shit. We talked a little dookie earlier. It's fine. But it's just how life goes.
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I think it's like a speed metal. Do you know them, Rob? Do you know who Vassar Pussycat is? From the jewelry on the man, I can tell it's some form of old school, big, it's like rock. Yeah, fast rock.
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And it's called a part of life. Much like death is. That will come for all of you. At a Red Roof Inn. That complain. I'm so glad that this story has found a relevant home in the world. I work at a call center for a trash and recycling company. But two years ago, I was asked to call and suspend services for this one household. The woman was shitting in her trash can. Her outdoor trash can.
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Like, we all know what dog poop looks like. This is clearly not from a dog. The first time she did it, she hit it like a jam filling in a layer cake. Bag shit, bag shit. Bag. Bag. The driver had photos of the aftermath smeared on the inside, so we called and we asked her to make sure everything was bagged.
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Next week he showed up for service and opened the lid to find raw, unbagged logs sitting atop of the bags of trash. No paper towels either. We concluded from the evidence provided that the only way she could have done this was to shit directly into her four foot tall trash can. And then rolled it out onto the road like it was normal. And we had to have a conversation with a stranger about it.
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So to answer your question, no, piss cannot be recycled. And yes, drivers do check the trash cans.
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No one got out and looked at my can. I think they have cameras and I do think that it depends on what comes sloshing out of it. Mm-hmm. I think they're watching it go in. I'm good with my trash, I'll tell you that much. You are the most anal trash preparer of all of us. I do put shit, but only in the green bin. What do you mean, like your own personal shit? No, my dog's.
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You don't put it in the regular trash? No. Well, I got bags. They're in bags.
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No, I have a pooper scooper. They make shovels for shit, Henry. But what about, yeah, I have them in my backyard, but when you're, you'll be asking if you want to walk in them. They're not walking. Yeah, no, they're in the backyard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a shit scooper.
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Yeah. So, you know. Don't go on a cruise. Hey, you should go on a cruise. Go to crimewaveatsea.com. Slash last. Thank you. Slash last. That is where we will be doing live. We have a couple other cruise stories today that we're going to cover, but you're going to come and see us. Come push us off the edge of a boat. Don't you want to? Come on. Come on. Let's see what you got, you pussy. Come on.
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This has been great. I think this has been some of our best radio ever. And if you have a problem with it, you can live yourself away. You can go take yourself and live some other place because you're fucking wrong. All right? And you can love the fact that we made some form of entertainment and did update you on many important things, didn't we? That's right.
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And then you can laugh knowing that we are the people for the job. That's right. And no one else can do what we do in the way that we do it. I don't think that's, you think so? We're the only ones hosting any form of, like, I've really seen very little of comedians talking. Yeah, they hate that. Yeah, there's very little of that in the podcast fair. Yeah. So it's nice that we're doing it.
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Well, I mean, we're, you know, I don't even know what I am.
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The early show sold out, so get your tickets to the late show. We're doing two in a row, baby. It's going to be a lot of fun. Cannot wait. We are going to have a blast. And then we're also going to Atlanta. We will be there after our live show at the Coca-Cola Roxy on June 15th. 29th. 29th. Also, same thing.
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Yeah, we're going to have stuff. Other kind of slightly prepared material. This is different. We are going to literally... Dad's Garage is full fucking nuts. We're just going to experiment, and we can't wait to do it in front of you. It's going to be free thought.
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That is going to be a lot of fun. That's where you're going to drink yourself to death and it'll be fun. I won't because I don't like drinking before the show. But you'll right after. I know, but Key West is such a day drinking town. I have no idea what you're going to do all day not drinking inside of Key West. Well, you know who I'm going to visit. Robert. Yeah. Does he know? I don't know.
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But I don't understand. That's where Quantico is. Quantico? Would they be available to fight them? They're the baby cops. They're baby feds. Oh, yeah. So I don't know if they're ready to take on the alien invasion yet. Well, they're expendable. We're also not talking about... Send them out there. What I don't understand, we're not talking about all the liquid gas sitting under Virginia.
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I haven't, I mean, this is like me announcing it, I guess. We're going to have to, you're going to have to. Should I bring him a gift, right? Yes. Yes. I should bring Robert like a little last podcast t-shirt or something, right? Yes, he needs, yes, we need to bring him a gift.
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Do we have any children's clothes available for merch? Oh yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, I could go down to buy the orphanage. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever been over by the abortion clinic? They actually, if you go through the dumps or the abortion clinic, a lot of this stuff's great.
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No, no. It's like, I mean, some people get ahead. Spinny hats. People do it ahead of time. People get really excited. Yeah, get the toddler tee. Yeah, we'll get him the toddler tee.
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Yes. And keep listening to the podcast. Yes. Please, Robert, if you would. Ooh, maybe a good put hat. You know, actually, I realize you know what the polygamy family reminds me of? What? The five people who comment on our Spotify account for some reason. The weirdest comment strand. It's like, why do they do this? They could have done anything.
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Spotify literally could have added anything to the app.
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It's so funny. It's because they shouldn't have comments. There's no reason for comments. They're already mad they're paying for Spotify. Everybody's mad. All they do is make them pay for another thing. It's every time you do something, they're just going to make you pay for something else because they fucking hate you. But just remember that. Just like, Jesus Christ.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
I got my floaties on all week. I've been working on my back. What are you doing to it? Getting fucked in the ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
We need some pro gremlins on there. Go to patreon.com slash podcastontheleft.com. Don't you just want to give straight to the creators? That's how you do that. And at LP on the left, you can see all of our various socials. Man, we are really unfortunately working on them. And you can really look at them. They're quite a bit of work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
So if you want to look at these fucking socials, that'd be fucking great, honestly. And you're going to want to go to Contact in the Desert. We will be there all week and go to their website. We are there from May 29th to June 2nd. Buy a ticket. We have a big comedy night planned that we're going to officially announce in the next couple of weeks. That's Saturday night. That'll be great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Sounds like you just announced it. Well... That's podcastintheweb.com. That's where you get to go to all of our live shows. And we're going to see you there, aren't you? We're going to see you out there because if not, you're a fucking loser. Honestly, Beau, contact in the desert. It's going to be a blast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
There's something special about it. I can't really describe how funny it is to see George Norrie walk out of an elevator with his parfait that he got from the hotel gift shop. It is just so funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Fred Durst was just there last year. I got to hang out with LP for a little bit. That guy is fucking great. He's very cool. Hopefully you run into him again. He was fucking hilarious. Actually, we should reach out to him. He'd be great on the show. He's funny. Come on the show. Yeah. LB's a genius, too, obviously. I fucking love him, and I love Run the Jewels.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
I'll show you. I have videotapes. Old school. That's what I like. Old school videotapes. It doesn't go directly to the internet. First, it's got to go through your grandfather's casket. I want to find your old cowboy friend. Oh, yeah, that's where he is. I wanted to do today a little bit of an update.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
You don't remember the venue? It's in Los Angeles. I don't know. Wherever the tickets are. We're just talking about our plans now. All right. We've got to prepare for the next thing. All right, you fuckers. Hail Sweet Satan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
For those of you that obviously have listened to us over the years, you know that we covered Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow, two of the very tops of her tits. We covered that case so thoroughly. Now, Lori Vallow is on trial again. Yes. This time, finally, she's being prosecuted for the actual murder of her ex-husband, dead ex-husband, Charles Vallow. Yes. Charles Vallow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
And so, this story... She's already been convicted for the kids. The kids, she's already been... She's gone away for... She is in jail for life. She's not getting out of jail. No matter what. No matter what. Lori Vallow has decided in this trial...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
probably her most defensible trial because everybody's dead that was involved alex cox that shot charles valo was dead tylee her daughter is dead that would have been a witness jj a witness is dead they are all anybody that was attached to this what about the other chick who helped steal the car Melanie Gibb? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Melanie Gibb is currently starting her own series of griftership on top of all of this. Her husband's another Mormon dignitary. She's involved in this. Oh, very much so. Melanie Gibb needs to be in jail, too. We'll get there someday. Maybe someday somebody will get her for something. But she's an evil person. She stole his car. Oh, yes. No, she's a bad person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
But Lori Vallow is representing herself. And there is I watched the first day of trial because why not? And I you know what I learned is that for a criminal trial, it's super useful to be a lawyer. Yes. It's like crazy useful to know how court works and how to be a lawyer if you're going to be a lawyer. Because Lori Vallow's opening statements were about eight minutes long. Is that good or bad?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
I don't even know. I don't quite know. I think they're good if they're good. But these were bad. And she said the same thing over and over and over again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Like, doing her flirty thing? No, not yet. She was asking for more. During jury selection, she specifically was asking for more male jurors because she was. She's better with them. She was. She likes men more than women. And she was doing she does like a little flirty thing. She does about eight minutes in which she says the evidence will show about 150 times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
She is a horrible, horrible to listen to. Terrible woman getting torn apart by the prosecutor. And then you watch the prosecutor nail her to a floor. fucking cross for 45 minutes the prosecutor comes out just dripping with the the full total just utter contempt for laurie vallow which i'm so happy to see it's just the prosecutor loses they should be fired
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
The only issue is that this is the hardest trial of all of them. It is the most circumstantial evidence of all of them. We have you have to really believe one side of the story versus the other side of the story. But thankfully, on the prosecution side, they have the body cam footage of Charles Vallow talking about all of the like, you know, he's scared of her. He's scared of her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
That's West Virginia. It's all the same. You keep going west. West Virginia's not on the list. No. I'll tell you that much. Because that place is just, they're considering that a write-off. It's just Virginia, Alabama, and then it says Massachusetts, which I find even more improbable. Why? You think Massachusetts is very susceptible to getting attacked by aliens?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
She's trying to kill me days. Yes, and then you have Lori Vallow's body cam footage where she's acting all super funny and laughy about everything. Then you have the Tylee footage where you have her repeating puppet fashion the same story that Lori Vallow said. And so I think that's what's going to hang her up. But you never know. Sometimes juries are weird. Juries are really weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
They could just decide. And this is in Arizona, right? This is in Arizona, which is also not a...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
super great place to have one of these go on vacation because she's in prison in idaho so she gets to like go down to arizona and do this she has been uh she's on vacation right now in arizona technically yeah but she says she really misses the idaho jail she's at the idaho jail she was having a lot more fun she has like a girl group there that she hangs out with i think what are they saying i think it's swv yes um and i think that they're which are great you know we love that song
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak. You know, see, that's what they're doing while they're scissoring each other. It's kind of nice. The fingernails. Oh, God, you've got to be careful with those. I've seen real lesbians, and they don't normally have those big talons. If I was in prison for life, no matter what, I'd represent myself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
But to you, I will say the immortal words, the person who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. Yeah. Because you should know. But it doesn't matter. You know, it's funny because I think in the end, you'd be surprised what matters once you're already in jail. Yeah. If she's convicted in Arizona, does she have to go serve in Arizona?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
If she lives through her three consecutive life sentences in Idaho. Okay. So if she lives through those three, she lives about 375 more years. In Idaho, she can go live and serve that time. Well, according to her beliefs, she will. Oh, well, we're waiting. We're waiting, Lori. Honestly, it will take this for me to believe in you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
You will have to physically disappear in the middle of court and God himself or herself, Alanis Morissette. If it's Alanis Morissette.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Yeah. If God exists, it's just like, yeah. Oh, it's just goop. Yeah, it's just shit and slime. Or it's Alanis Morissette, and she's got a really good opportunity here to arrive at trial pretending to be God. I bet you we pop a wire on her talking to Lori Vallow. That'd be ironic. This is all. Wouldn't you think?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Because of the, I believe, the... Because he's a man? I don't know, honestly. I forget why. Did he actually do it or something? You have to choose. There's a thing that you do at the top of trial where you decide that death sentences will be on the fucking docket. Were they tried together or separately? Separately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
I don't think that they understand that if the attack comes by aliens, the way to go is the less population dense. I think that's the flip. I feel like everything here is the flip. I feel like it should be Montana. Yeah. Don't you think more people are going to help you defend yourself? No, because the aliens are going to win.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
He received the death penalty for the murders of his first wife and his second wife's two children, Lori Vallow. It was due to the judge's ruling the state's late disclosure of evidence precluded the death penalty in her case. So it was a technical fuck up, which is the reason why. And he also has a third kill. Yes, but now she might have a third kill. But again, it's Alex Cox. Alex did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
But we do know that there is a chain of evidence that shows they had premeditated it and Alex Cox was there ahead of time preparing for it. The other two knew, Charles Vallow and Adam Cox.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
He got double tapped. Yes, you'd have to be very stupid or malicious to probably not agree with the evidence, but that's not discounting a jury of your peers. Because if Lori Vallow is one of your peers, then that means categorically, statistically, someone on there might be a homicidal maniac in waiting. But again, it's just important to remember that Lori Vallow is not a lawyer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
She is a homicidal maniac, and it's showing in her defense style. Maybe that's just her style. How much of this are you going to watch? All of it. Really? Oh, yeah. I love it. Where do you get the time? It's all night. You don't sleep, huh? I watch it in the shitter. You watch it in the shitter? Yeah, live on YouTube on my knees in my shitter. You shit on your knees?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
No, I mean, no, the phone's on my knees. My ass is shitting on the toilet. I'm looking at it on my knees like television. Look, it's live right now. We can watch it right now. There's 10K people watching nothing, and it's just the stream. I'm going to do this. Should we live stream this once? We should do this once where we can have me go through it. Yeah, it's fun to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
I got out of jury duty this week. I didn't even have to do anything. I just called and they're like, you're good. Yeah, they just hear the sound of your voice and they're like, I didn't even get to talk. No thanks, sir. I shouldn't be there. They don't want me talking about it on the show. At the same time, though, if you're there, it's really great. It's good advertising amongst the jury pool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
Oh, yeah. Because then you could get all them listening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
So fucking talking about fucking... That's old-fashioned. Fucking grassroots marketing. It works. All right. Let's get into some other stories. Now, I know that we have... Is that the only update that we had? Oh, no. We have the man who can live without food. We asked last time, how long can a fat fuck live on just his body? Apparently, a while. It can. Angus Barberi. He's a Scottish man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness
He fasted for 382 days. Over a year. Yep. Going from 456 pounds to a slight 180 pounds. I believe that's just stick stone. That's just stick stone. And he did a great job and he looks fantastic. He lived off of water, tea, coffee, vitamins, and yeast extract, which I think is code for the fine, fine pussy of the ladies in the hills of Scotland.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
there's no place to escape to this is the last on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Because he liked the way they moved. He liked the way they were gentle and stuff like that. Yeah, they're all little kids. He didn't want people to be scared of him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It did. When they let the kid, when they didn't kill the son.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
They should have killed that motherfucker. Kill him right off. He's an idiot. Show people that there's consequences for your fucking idiot actions. I agree.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
No, or a fish to suck his dick. It depends on what he's looking for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Or maybe he was enamored with the activities of a little girl. Oh, yeah. Here it comes full circle. The fish is the woman. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Um, they're underneath my flaps. Yep. Remember, you, tits, gills, head, then butt. The gills come seventh in, you know, importance. It depends on how you look at the gills and how much you want to stick your dick inside of them. You're already talking, he already brought up, give us more prompts, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's me. It's me. I'm all gloopy and sloopy. Oh, no. Am I the alien? I'm not. I'm a girl. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yes. There's three different things here. There's three different things going on here. I think... Alien abduction are horror movies. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And also being brought to an unknown place that's already very upsetting and you never get taken to a second location. I know these things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Cocoon, it's an old person's home, and they show up, and there's a bunch of fucking weird eggs in the bottom of the pool. And there's these giant eggs in the pool, and they're trying to figure out what it is, and then all of a sudden, they all get powerful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Am I wrong that I just remember this being very, very boring, but I haven't seen it for a very long time?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I went and saw it in a theater. Yeah, I remember loving it as a kid, to be honest with you. But I also, I mean, Dama Michi, so much fun. Brian Dennehy, Wilford Grimley. I mean, like, this is great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
No, and you never will. And you have no idea where my tentacles are going to come out from. But don't worry, they always come out at the wrong time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yes, it is. Oh, I was thinking of Short Circuit because I was looking at Batteries Not Included and then I was looking up Short Circuit. Short Circuit's not an alien movie. an alien movie. No, that's a robot come to life movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
That's a robot come to life movie. We will do a robot film. Just like that's Chappie is Short Circuit and Batteries Not Included is more District 9. That's fascinating breakdown as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You know what's funny? Oh my God. I love Batteries Not Included. I do love Batteries Not Included.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Oh, yes. I love that shit. God, District 9 is so good. I love District 9. It is so good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
But District 9 was very good. I know. And it has great rewatchability.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
No, tits were first. Well, the uterus was first, I mean, obviously.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Do you remember the movie? Absolutely. I was obsessed with that movie. We all were. Slapstick children's film. So weird. And I feel like that's why in going back through, I have so many more memories. And I don't know if it was because I was... born in the late 80s of zany alien movies. When I think alien movies, also one of the first things I thought of, Little Shop of Horrors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
That's more of where my brain goes to. Yes, it is. I guess that is an alien movie. It's very much an alien movie. It's from outer space. It's atrophied. Yeah, I think of a Rocky Horror Picture Show. Alien movie. Yeah, they're aliens from outer space.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I thought that was from the planet Transylvania.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Oh, that's not a Frankenstein movie. No. Oh, interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Have you never seen Rocky Horror? I have, but I'm always hammered. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah. Of course. Yeah. It is, it's so, I think that like having, I would love to do a big like go and do like an experience. I've never actually gone to a Rocky Horror. I've done it a couple times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I stumbled upon it in Phoenix when I was by myself at midnight, and I had one seat left. It was amazing. I had such a great time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Little Shop of Horrors is very good, and really did scare me. That, I think, scared me more than the original Alien did when I saw it young, just because I...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
thought it could happen like in a way that i think when i was a kid i thought alien could never happen but little shop of horrors could and i know that's very stupid thing because you're in space and you can relate to new york you can't relate to a spaceship you're so scared of event horizon yes because we grew up in skid row And I love Little Shop of Horrors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You're showing us the look who's talking toilet. Look who's talking to the toilet. We were scared of the toilet. That was look who's talking too, right? I think so. You know what mine was? Give me your pee. Give me your pee. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Oh, my God, yes. I don't know why this... I remember this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's not a murder. It was an accidental death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
They were being fast and loose, but at the same time, they didn't kill anyone on purpose.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
that's different again they just are they chose the life line cook life chose them what are some recent alien films that you've seen alien not obviously radio we're not talking about the alien uh series but like a movies about aliens that you've seen i'll go first last night i wanted to prepare a little bit so i put two on i didn't make it through the second one but i saw no one will save you the hulu original new new film yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It was better than I thought it was going to be. I wish I would have known that there was no dialogue in the movie. Oh, my God. I remember I'm 30 minutes in and I'm like, are they not talking?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Of course, Google's like Apollo 13. No, not Apollo 13. No, I know what that is. Yes, it was Apollo 11. Is A Quiet Place an alien movie? Yes. They are aliens? Alien Invasion. They are aliens. It's an alien invasion. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You're telling me the cat isn't going to meow one fucking time? One time!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
One meow out of that cat? One time! Did they rip its larynx out? The original one was pretty good. I thought it was pretty good. It's fine. Yeah, it didn't break. the bank.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And honestly, you know which one won? Don't Breathe. Don't Breathe was obviously the superior of all of them. Made for two million dollars in Detroit. It was so good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
One of John Goodman's greatest roles. Tragedy, he didn't get nominated. He puts on a display of acting in that film. I love 10. It's one of the movies on my list. I think it's one of my favorite Alien films.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, it's terrifying. It's three different genres in one. You know, it's like a capture, what would you call that? A kidnapping film, I guess?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yes, it is. And we're saving it for that episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
So how do you feel about... Can I let out of the bag who we're going to interview at Contact in the Desert? Of course. We're going to interview Whitley Schreber at Contact in the Desert. Very excited. So I'm like, once I found out last night that Communion is actually about him, written by him, wrote the screenplay and the book. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I like puppets. Christopher Walken's really given a very amorphous... I think these are behind the scenes. This is from the movie. This is from the movie? I didn't get to this part. He dances like this in the movie? He can't help it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's like Sam Rockwell. He's going to dance if he's in a film. He used to be a dancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how do you feel about Communion? Is it accurate? And then a follow-up question, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Of course. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's got to be pro it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, but, like, what do you... So you think Arrival would be the most accurate to what we're talking about here? Like, you know, I go back and forth. I mean, because it's so over the top, and, like, they're making, like, a clear point that... First of all, don't be scared of them. And it's just as much a time travel movie as it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, I enjoy Contact. I think it's definitely, it has its silly parts to it. And it gets a little weird with the Matthew McConaughey and all that stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Is it Jake's kid? Or is it another child's kid?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I have a question for you guys because you said, all right, no movies that completely occur in space, but what about Sphere? Now that is in space, but that is an alien to, or it's like at least, you know, something that is to them. I didn't even think about spheres. Spears kind of water ish, isn't it? Ask, but it's also, I mean, it can like read you and go inside of it and like, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's great. It's a Michael Crichton film? I mean, it's very bad. It's not good. I understand if you were young watching it. I like watching it now. I think it's maybe because I watched it so many times when I was young that I always enjoy it. You don't watch it for it to be good, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yes! But that's on another... Annihilation's great. You know what else? Can I say something about Annihilation? I feel like the plot from Annihilation was borrowed from for Frozen 2. And I think that they fucking ripped off Annihilation. Well, you know what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
They took it all. Okay, you're saying, okay, I thought you meant that Frozen 2 or that Annihilation Skull from Frozen 2. No, the other way. Space Invaders is fun. Space Invaders is a lot of fun. Oh, shit. Yeah, this movie's a blast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Everyone knows about Space Invaders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is very stupid. It's actually not good at all, but it's worth watching.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I feel like it got like unjustly, like, I don't know, panned or I don't know what happened to that movie and why it wasn't popular. It was by what's his name?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
That is Ex Machina, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, Warfare. And Civil War and Warfare. Wow, okay. So I like all of his movies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's hilarious, yeah. It's a laugh a minute.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
But he's also doing 28 Years Later, which I am excited.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, that one scared the shit out of me when I was a kid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
He's good in Warfare. He's good. Yeah. Oh, did you see Warfare? Yeah. Oh, wow. Both of us saw it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
We didn't go together, but we saw it. No, we both saw it. Yeah. All right. Let's move on to... Alien films we don't like. I'll go first.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
hate the superhero genre, we do ads for them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Fell to Earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is... But then that's again, this conversation really, it depends on what we're defining alien as here. So here's what I want to say. First of all, no comic books, no Marvel, no DC. Those aliens don't count. You're saying that. And you said, and up top, you said no superhero movies. No. But I do have one that I feel like could ebb and flow. Both genres.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Oh, yeah. Oh, is this how you're referring to him now? Yes, my friend. All right, great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yes. No, but that movie's going to fucking, it's killing it. They already made back its money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I like that they gave it a good soundtrack. Yes. It's got a great soundtrack. It is. But in talking about alien movies that are not very good, that is definitely one of them. But man, I will say if it is on, I'll watch it. Do you remember they had to push it because it was all about killing the teachers? Oh, and it was right after Columbine, yes. Or are you thinking about teaching Mrs. Tingle?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I am, because it was supposed to be killing Mrs. Tingle, and then they changed it. Teaching Mrs. Tingle was the one where they killed the... Because this is, I mean, they're aliens, so you gotta kill these teachers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Let's talk about it. Yeah, I said ebb. Just go with it. Ebb like it's a web, okay? Like it's being spread, like its legs are being spread like a web. I'm still thinking about the holes in the webs, okay? Webs have legs? Meteor Man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah. You know what's a good future space movie, but not an alien movie, that kind of, I've always put in the same genre as this, and I'm probably incorrect, it's Melancholia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You don't want me to be hearing this, but I need you to know I need to bring up Astronaut's Wife because that is definitely a movie that I would go right. I knew exactly how to get to the one sex scene in Astronaut's Wife. Yes. Which was a great, fun alien movie. Now we're just looking at Holly Hunter nude for the piano. Sad, nude in the piano.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I never saw the piano. I didn't know Holly Hunter got nude. Yeah, but the rest of it's boring.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Are you really going to fucking tell me there isn't one piano in the piano?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, man. That's fucked up. And you know what else?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, she becomes the piano, but she can't. Oh, okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It is a superhero movie, but it is also an alien movie. But I feel that that is a movie that encompasses both. Meteor Man!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah. Don't forget, in Big, that woman fucks a child.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Sleeper. movies about aliens ones that you think maybe have flown on the radar people haven't seen that much i'll go first as always slither it's gross it's it's it's it's it's yeah michael rooker
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
She did not enjoy it. Yeah, she was not into it. I really liked Attack the Block. Yes! I feel like that's one that people don't bring up. What happened to John Boyega? Does he do anything else, though? I think, doesn't he do Star Wars?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Honestly, you know what you need to do next? Watch all of the Fast and Furious movies back to back. They are good. They are very fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Well, Tokyo Trip is bad. There's a couple ones you can cut out in the middle, but man, it just really, when they talk about, are they aliens, when they come, when they ride in the car from space down back to Earth and still jump out of the car to murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
No. He's not an alien. No. He touches a comet. But it's a meteor that comes down. But then here's the thing. Okay. This is what my question to you guys is. Is it still an alien? No. If it is a meteorite that comes down and infects it. It has to be alive. But it is from outer space. No. It needs to be its own alien. Okay. Alright. It has to be its own alien. Hey, this is
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Their family. Their family. One that came up that I forget, Color Out of Space. I brought this up. I said it under my breath earlier. I view Color Out of Space as an eldritch horror film. Now, a question, though, what would be the difference? And because then it's not coming from space, because it's coming then essentially like from the earth? I don't know. I don't know anything about this movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Oh, I think that you would really enjoy Color Out of Space. It's a slow burn. It is. I like a slow burn. Oh. Yeah. Cool. It's just a fun, psychedelic, Nick Cage sci-fi movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Now, how about this? I know this is one that y'all love and we haven't brought it up yet. Maybe, I don't know if it's a sleeper or not, but Bad Taste.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Dead Alive holds up and the X-rated version of Dead Alive is required watching.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I think Meet the Feebles holds up, but I also haven't seen it in a minute. When's the last time you saw it? It's been a minute.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It does not quite hold up. But here's the thing, though. Bad Taste and Meet the Feebles, for me, are important movies because I remember seeing them at a time that I didn't know that you could make movies like this. And we laughed our asses off. In America, you couldn't, probably.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
We laughed and just, like, loved it so much and it so affected me that while, yeah, they're not good movies, they were huge to, like, opening up my brain into, like, what you could make. Yeah. Because to me, that's the big deal is that, like,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
a conversation you're coming in defensive i'm asking the question because then alien right yeah foreign things coming into your country austin powers is he an alien no time traveling political traveling but also an alien it's not no you're just saying the word no no no some aliens could be us from the future henry different
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
A lot of times the great actors say they prefer television because they really get a hold of the character.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Wow. Yeah. And I have a similar feeling. I feel like horror movies and sci-fi alien movies and all that stuff was really big for me because it like... I don't know. It kind of like I was an only child who like I was like I lived in Boca Raton, but my family was like the family that went poor trying to live in Boca Raton. And so like I wasn't like in with all the rich kids and I was like super fat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And so like I went to Catholic school. So I was a nerd. I didn't have any friends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You know, and so I had like two friends and we watched horror movies and we fucking and that's how like I related to society.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Exactly the same. From like 8 to like 14, you know, until I got to high school and I fucking came out of my shell. They're very important. They really help people more than people think. Oh, yeah. You know, a lot of people look at it as trash and all that stuff, but it's actually like they teach you about society.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Alien. Yeah. Right. And specifically with aliens, I think that opening up, especially from a kid's perspective of opening up what could be and showing you even in like the zany alien comedies that a lot of us grew up on. I feel like it showed us that. Your current reality isn't the only thing that can exist. And that's a good thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Like, I watch alien movies from being a kid and thought, oh, that's freedom. That's a freedom that we can have. That who knows what could happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's the first scene of the movie. I'm going to admit, never seen it. I also haven't seen it. Really? But they're coming out with the... Because a lot of people in our chat on our Friday show were very excited because they're doing a live action Lilo and Stitch. And I've never seen... That makes me want to die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I'll check it out it looks cute just the idea of the live action Lilo and Stitch we already have a Lilo and Stitch they can just watch the old one but you didn't no it's not for me I mean the kids can watch the old one the kids can watch the old fucking one they already fucking made they already made it and it wasn't even that fucking long ago it was 20 something years ago whoa is it yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
No, I guess Monsters Under the Bed and Demons are very different than Aliens because I just saw Little Monsters and I got excited. That's Monsters. But that's Monsters Under the Bed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Make sure he don't leave. Make sure he don't come after you now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's going to be very well made and produced. Not that it wasn't before, but it's going to be organized. We're doing this shit. I'm very excited. And then, of course, this comes out on Wednesday, May 7th. If you happen to be in Fort Lauderdale, the three of us are performing tonight. Come check us out. At the Fort Lauderdale Improv.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
No, we will do an immigrant film series. I want an immigrant film series. Thank you. I would love to do that. We will, but that's not today. But I only want to talk about Austin Powers when we do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I'm going to get into that. About that abortion. She's going to make you cry. I need to get it all out. Talk about abortion. But of course, you know, if you've got abortion problems or if you have any other kind of bitch problems.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
But a bitch might be one. If you got abortion problems, I feel bad for you, son. And you should take those problems to whosethebitch.com. Let us know what those problems are. Whosethebitch.com. Don't you have a phone number? We do have a phone number, but all the information is on whosethebitch.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Good work. Yeah, go do that. And then also, tomorrow night, we're going to be in Orlando, the three of us, at the Orlando Funny Bomb. The early show is sold out. There are still some tickets available for the late show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Eggs are going out, out. And by beat poetry means I'm going to do poetry and y'all going to beat the shit out of me. Okay. Okay. Hitting that woman. Always funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Also, if you happen to be in Key West this weekend, come and see me in Key West at the Comedy Key West. I'm going to be there from May 9th to 11th.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, yeah. So you just be right there with him. Yeah, absolutely. Especially on Mother's Day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
What else are you doing in Key West on Mother's Day?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You went down the wrong path immediately at the very top of this whole assignment. You know what it was? It was because last night I received the assignment late. And let's say I had had quite a few hogs legs at this point. I started laughing to myself. And you are talking about pork and not weed. Yeah, obviously. Yeah. I'm chomping. I'm grabbing. I'm gnashing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, baby. And I'm all flush, but not with the horn. I'm flushed with the space. But are we flush with the space balls? And how do you feel about barf being considered an alien?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Well, unless they specifically involve an alien film. They're not an alien in outer space.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
They're not. They're home. But Mom and Dad Save the World, if you think about it, that is human beings then going, so then the humans are the aliens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
No, Patty Perkins. Patty Perkins. Patty Perkins. Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
These are actual alien movies. Terry Garr. Terry Garr.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And you can't say that's not an Alien movie. But it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, she'd be like, fuck you. Don't you disrespect me. I'm the boss. You guys know so much more about the female experience than I do, and I appreciate you both. Now, you're not an expert here. I feel in this room. So then but then I'd love to talk about alien comedies because I didn't realize I in thinking about all of these alien movies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I realize as a whole, I am way more scared of space in general than I am of individual aliens because I that's why you grip on Jeff so hard. Yeah, because he's got a big space. No, you're scared of him leaving and leaving space. But also I'm scared of the gravity going away and me just being sucked up into the universe. But that's just, you know, you got to grip onto the ones that you love. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I am. You wear a space belt. Yeah. You wouldn't drift into space. Well, no, that's to keep my space pants up. No, the space pants are attached to your space shirt. It's all attached. It's all attached, baby. I wanted to talk about cone heads and I wanted to talk about Earth girls are easy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Conan's is amazing. It's a wonderful movie. Now, last night, I was with some friends and we were going to watch Earth Girls Are Easy because of this prompt. But then we had the conversation, does it hold up? We didn't end up, we talked about it for so long, we didn't end up watching the movie. But then in talking through it that I was like, I think it still holds up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
When was the last time you watched Earth Girls Are Easy? 25 years. Yeah, because it's been a really long time. And I remember I loved it. Yeah, I loved those things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Is there a trauma that happens in Flight of the Navigator? Because I haven't seen it since I was a kid, but I remember something about it that really made me very sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah. Well, that and he was hanging out with the alien who became like real friends with. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And then what the trauma is, they tried to take his friend from him. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And so maybe just as a kid in seeing that, it just really... And I haven't seen it since. And I was also thinking about watching it last night. And I was like, I feel like I just remember a profound sadness in watching this movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I like my superhero movies, but I understand that they have no place in this conversation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And they CGI'd E.T. a little bit, like him hopping over logs and shit like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
So bad. Yeah, he looks like Kermit. Oh, but I love Kermit's little legs when they show his legs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I love with, by the way, there's going to be spoilers in this. If you haven't seen Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you, bro. I think we're going to be loose-lipped for the rest of the episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I think that you should know that there will be some spoilers ahead. But at the end with the aliens, he got little girls to portray the aliens. All the little aliens at the end, you know how they're walking around? They're all chilled girls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And you see it in this world, and then you also see, well, basically people in legal trouble that don't deserve it or are victims are very easily taken advantage of. Easily manipulated. If you're in a desperate set of circumstances, you're looking for any help that you can get. So sometimes you're going to take whoever shows up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But the thing is, is that again, why it's all this shit gets kicked to us is that you have to vet these motherfuckers so thickly. You really do. You need to when you're getting something, just remember the statement. There's no such thing as a free lunch. You're going to have to pay for it in one way or another. So you just have to figure out what it is you're willing to pay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You look into these people you read about. You call people that they've worked with. You need to dig into the lives of the advocates that are working for you, because if you don't, you don't. You got it. You just have to know who these people are. Yeah, a good way to do that I always find is literally Google their name with the word scandal next to it. Or just like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Or, I mean, do the legwork. Call a guy's former boss.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Do it. Be like, who's this person? Send an email. Because especially if you need help, that help also has to be good. Because the worst, also the worst part, is that when you desperately need help, you need help. Big money help.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You don't need the shitty guy, the person who just rolls up from the fucking Petco that you met while you were getting your cat groomed who said that she's got a lot of ideas about to help you with your tenant advocacy because they don't know. Go to a real place and especially don't go to Casey Anthony. No, certainly don't go to Casey Anthony.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
By the way, while you've been talking, it's beautifully said, by the way. Ha ha ha. I will say I've been trying to find out how to hire Casey Anthony, just out of curiosity. Yeah, how do we get her? How do we get her? Yeah, because my back hurts. There is no way. Can we get her?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I've been searching. I'm on, like, page five of Google. I don't know how to hire her. I do believe that if you're in the Fort Lauderdale area and you have a Cybertruck, I think that if you waive a $100 bill while driving a Cybertruck around Fort Lauderdale, she will just show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you'd actually be surprised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It has a it's actually what's great is that it's amazing, especially now that these gasoline prices are going to shoot through the roof because tariffs is it actually works on fetus meat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I feel like she'll just materialize being like, ah, there's money and attention here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shots on us. If you say that, she'll eventually show up like a genie. Oh, yeah. Especially Xanny bars. Who's got Xanny bars? She's going to love that shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Just remember that Casey Anthony, if she actually gave a fucking shit, we wouldn't know she was doing this until it was she was doing it already. Just know that. Her sticking her dumb ass face into social media to get herself back into the fucking news cycle. This is all this is doing. And yeah, we're doing it exactly what she wants, which is we are talking about her. Not exactly what she wants.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We're telling her to go fuck herself. People are definitely going to like this. Well, because the problem is that there are unfortunately very dumb and innocent people that don't understand that this is a very bad person. And that what this person is going to do is hollow you out and leave you empty. It's hard to remember that this, like, you know, 2008 is almost 20 years ago. Oh, I know. I did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There's a lot of people who are younger that just look like this is someone who triumphed over a bad thing and don't really realize how evil she actually is. Yeah, dude. And I know we're supposed to keep saying allegedly and all this kind of shit, but fuck that shit. I'm sick of this garbage, especially with Casey Anthony, because I don't care. Because you know what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Even if, yeah, all right, you go through all of this shit. Let's just say in some kind of snowballs hell and chance that she is innocent. You mean to tell me she wants more of this? Yeah. She wants more? She wants more scandal? She wants more attention? She wants to drag this up more? She wants to name her dead daughter again on a fucking social media?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
and you put it through the top of like a blender type thing at the very back on it like like in back to the future they had the thing with doc brown put in all the trash except for you put your hoo-ha over it yeah if you if you've got a boardie that's ready to slide out that's been unmoored and unanchored yeah um and it's just crazy because even just like first of all i did not know that casey anthony was such a gearhead oh she loves it because she had it like the fact that she's even driving around with one i even know that that was street legal anymore
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And say she's standing up for her like she's still alive? But yeah, fuck that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
bitch also like look her sub stack all good you can go give her a hundred dollars a year for her sub stack it's all about money it's always about money 10 bucks a month for her horrible opinion everything's a money grab then this is the worst thing right now is that we're seeing every everybody's doing everything for the sake of a money grab which i do understand there's no help coming and it feels very very scary so everybody feels like they got to get in on the grift but you got to understand the grift universe will eventually end i don't
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I don't know, man. I mean, it's one way or another, buddy. If you are a victim, I think it's very important. We've already said it. Know that people are coming for you because the fact that you're already a victim makes you an easy target. Both of my parents died. I had people calling me nonstop, trying to get money out of me, telling me my parents owed them money and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
People from fucking Egypt telling me that my mom was a cunt. You know, like, it was crazy. You know how many ridiculous... I mean, this shit happens. And now the grift I see all the time is because we're lonelier than ever. Okay. A lot of people don't go out. They don't associate social media. It keeps us connected, but we don't go to each other's houses. We don't see each other anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
So people are actually very lonely. And so the grift I keep getting on my phone, and luckily I'm smart enough to realize it's a grift, but people just start, hey, how you doing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
you want to get sushi tomorrow from a number you don't know and every time it's someone preying on other people's loneliness just to get you to respond and then it starts off all easy because I've practiced responding because I'm curious I'm like oh no I'm fine who is this oh you don't remember me how did you not save my number and stuff like that and they start blaming you for doing something wrong and then the next thing you know you're sending them fucking money
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yep, and it's the same thing with they do it to old people by sending them the weird phishing emails, and they're doing it to us now. You think you're past it. We all do. We all think we're smart enough. We all think that we're savvy enough, that we know enough about how business sausage gets made and how the media goes, but you would be fucking surprised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I watch my, obviously, my reams and reams of body cam footage. One thing that also shows up all the time is at a foreclosure, There's always somebody that's there that's getting foreclosed and it's sad, right? I don't like watching those necessarily, but I watch it for the quote unquote tenant advocates that just kind of show up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
All of a sudden, it's just some person that is trying to jam their way in between all of these various things thinking. And then you start to like the more and more you listen to them talk, you realize like, oh, the woman that was the former tenant promised this person money, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Like, this woman's fighting, and then you realize, like, oh, no, no, no, she's doing this as some other long con into this person's life. And, again, I'm not saying that they're all illegitimate. No, they're probably mostly legitimate. Mostly, but the thing is, is that that being said, you have to fight for your fucking self. You have to fight for yourself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You have to know who the hell it is you're talking to when you decide to put your name next to somebody else. Especially in any of these matters. When it comes to child custody or all of this shit. Immigration. You need to... fucking very much so trust who these people are. So just, you gotta do your homework.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I remember, speaking of this, not to get too crazy on it, but speaking of immigration and people taking advantage of disparate people, when I was working down at the border, we wanted to interview a coyote. And just be like, well, let's talk to these fucking people. You're talking about the people that bring people across the border, not the dogs. Not the dogs. I just want to hang.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I don't want to interview. Coyotes is a hang, and then we're going to kill some roadrunners. Yeah, dude. I want to fucking do it. Do shots with the coyote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the coyote who brings people across the border illegally, we wanted to find one. And the way we actually found one to interview was an immigration lawyer in Brownsville, Texas, knew the coyote. The coyote was his brother.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah. And so he would sit there and he'd get people who get caught coming over the border. And then he and they would get sent back. And then he would give them right back to his brother, the coyote. It was a horrible little circle that they had going. And they were fucking evil as hell. And they were paying gangsters. Oh, yeah. And everybody's making money off of making money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And it's very difficult because, again, who are we aiming towards? Extremely vulnerable people. Yes. people that are easy to roll. And that's what they want to do. Recognize it and know that people are fucking coming for you. Because anybody can be one of these things. I looked it all up. Obviously, Joel helped me research.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
She must know Jay Leno. Well, she works with Kia. She's their new spokesperson. Oh, that actually makes so much sense because on the roads. Yeah, because she Kia'd her child. She Kia'd, yes, and got away with Kiaing, which is one of the worst things you can do. Was it a Kia that she had? No. No, it was some other car. I'm making a joke. I actually can't even really tell right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There are programs that you can do to be a quote-unquote legal advocate, but mostly there's things that you can just fill out and you get a certificate. And then you're just like, yeah, I'm a minister. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm also a minister. Same thing. You can just clickety-click. So it's as strong as being a priest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
From the boogie-down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish-Italian java, last podcast on the left, and Spring Hill Jack coffee are rising from the rubble with a new brew. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Nothing to do with any moth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a Butterfly Dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a Butterfly Dude Roast. This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious, and not just the same beans. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room. And that brings us to our next bit of news. Oh. El Papu. Papu. El Papu is indeed the El Papu. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Pope Francis still almost dead as of this recording. We don't know what's happening tomorrow. I'd say curse aside stories, probably going to be dead by the time you hear this. Fingers crossed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But he's still alive. He suffered two new acute respiratory crises yesterday on Monday. What was so cute about him? Do they have little mice in there? Are they all hanging out? Yes. Copious amounts of mucus were pulled out of his lungs during two bronchoscopies. Wow. I don't know how to say that. Bronchoscopies, bronchoscopies. This is my question. Yeah. All right. You're with the Pope.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He's going, bring me a boy. Bring me a boy. And you're like, you're in the hospital. We can't. We can't, Papu. And they pull the mucus out of the Pope. Now, every other fluid out of the Pope is magical. Yes. You know, like you want to get kissed by the Pope. You want to get licked by the Pope. You want to be washed by the Pope. You want to get tongued by the Pope. Would not his mucus be holy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Of course it is, first of all. But are we sure it's mucus? Could be cum. He could have swallowed cum and it could have went into his lungs. He could have sucked so much dick that there's cum in his lungs. You're right. You're right, and I actually didn't even answer this question myself. I should have. Yeah, sometimes when you suck a lot of dick, you could drown in cum.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And that might be what's happening to Pope Francis right now. Wow. I hope for his sake because, you know, in the end, he died doing what he loved. Yeah. And you know what? And if the cum is holy... then he should be able to breathe through it because it's holy. That's funny. Yes, I know what you're saying. But again, if the cum is holy, I feel like he should have been healed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He should have been younger. I thought that the more dick he sucked, the younger he'd get. Because right now, he is looking, sadly, a bit like Colin Farrell from The Penguin. And he's got some... It might be much worse, man. He's got some penguin vibes going on. He's got a fucking marshmallow head right now. He is not looking good. And if anybody... I'm not going to spoil the ending of Conclave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I just know that on the road, you can come at me on this. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. There's only one driver worse than a Tesla driver. And that is a Kia driver. Whoa. I'm afraid I'm going to have to come at you because I used to have a Kia Sophia. Yeah, well, that's different. You wanted to be Italian. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she drove a Pontiac Sunfire. Thanks for the memories. I got you, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He looks worse than Tootsie. Yeah, he does. He is the Tootsie of popes. He is Pope Tootsie. If anybody's seen Enclave, I'm not going to... Conclave. What did I say? Spoiler alert. You said Enclave. You forgot the C before the... Oh, it's an enclave. I think it's just a place people hang out. Yeah, or like when rocks fall on a car. Cool. Yeah. I like that better.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Conclave, if you haven't seen it, I won't spoil the ending for you, but these bishops have the very... They have the funniest thing they could do possibly in their hands. Oh, my God. It is. We have a shot here to really shake things up. And that's why I'm putting forward my bid for new Pope, Pope Shakira. Pope Shakira. I love Shakira. Shakira, Shakira. She's in trouble, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
She needs the money. I'll bail her out. What does she need? She got in trouble with money somehow. Why? What does she need help with? We need to help Shakira. I think, yeah, she's not bankrupt. It's like tax evasion or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Gerard wrote in, Shakira bankrupt into Google. First thing it says, no, Shakira's not bankrupt. Tax fraud in Spain. That's her problem. Oh, I can help you, Shakira. Yeah, we can do whatever you need here on Side Story, Shakira. Oh, tax fraud in Spain. I thought that they all fucking just... How can you even do that in Spain? How much shellfish do you need? Yeah, I mean, exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
How much pulpo are you supposed to give back a year? I can't believe they actually catch people doing crimes with all the naps they take. Seriously. And all the tiny plates. Yeah. Like, I feel like there's like, who's got in this economy? They're not having serving full dishes of food. Yeah. Shakira was indicted for tax fraud. She shouldn't be going to jail. Shakira can't go to jail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
She's going to be totally fine. She's Shakira. Oh, she said that she was a resident of the Bahamas. Of course. Her and Jeffrey Epstein in 2023. Oh, that's wow. She did it. She got a deal. She's fine. Yeah, she's fine. Oh, then she's fine. No, Shakira's going to be fine. She's too, I mean, she's too Shakira. Pope Shakira. Think about it. Pope Shakira. Pope Shakira. Pope, Pope, Shakira.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
She's having a hard time selling tickets. And if she goes out there, man, that first man, the first pope with a GD badonkadonk. Because I was thinking about this with Lori Vallow. The outfits aren't great for that. Well, what do you mean? The Pope outfits. You can't see ass through that. No, well, Pope Franchusco, whatever his name is, squeaky clean fucking... Imagine a short skirt Pope.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Oh, God, that makes me hard. Like, just thinking about it would be so much fun. Because, you know, the Pope, nice Pope, should have had hypocrite Pope nice. Francis is the only nice Pope. That's what I mean.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Pope hypocrite. What he did was he technically revolutionized the papal outfit because he technically toned it down. He famously made it less opulent after Pope Benedict, the former openly Nazi Pope, who I actually even like even more because of the refreshing honesty. Because he at least was just openly evil. Like the Pope Benedict, he was doing all the pomp and circumstance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He did all the big hats. He did all the ornate clothing. The Pope hypocrite, he kind of pulled it back a little bit. Yeah. But now I think if Pope Shakira gets in there, nothing I'd like better. Think about that. I would love it if the next Pope wasn't pure evil. Fuck that. No, only pure evil. More evil. You think so? Yes. Makes it easier to hate the Catholic Church.
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Dude, the goal is... We don't need them winning anything. No, dude, I want them to step on the... You immediately talked me into it. Yeah, I want them to step on the gas pump towards their own destruction. And the more chaos from the top, the more likely it's to shake apart. Steve Bannon, be a great pope. Oh, God, be a great pope. Pope Bannon? Yeah, pope flooding the zone. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Biden, he's a Catholic. I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I can't have him kneel all the time. Oh, he can't. He's the one person that doesn't have to kneel. Think about how long that fucking mass is going to be with him shuffling. Hey, hey, hey, let me be clear. Hey, listen here, Jack. I know my baby. I have a friend named Jesus Christ. He used to work at a Mexican restaurant. Hey, come here, Jack. Here, listen here, friend. Listen here, Papa Pooh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They're Koreans. Welcome to Side Stories. We flipped the car, by the way. So that's not the best example. No. I wasn't driving. Someone else was driving. Thank you. And then they flipped the car and we were stuck on our side. And I remember they just flipped my car because they wanted to look at the CDs as I was changing the CDs.
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I'm going to tell you something I know. All right? I'll do one, two, three, four. Angela Merkel said the biggest set of ding-dongs I've seen is outside of my... Oh, sweet, sweet wife. A set of ding-dongs? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Is that two dicks? Fuck him. Fuck Biden. Fuck his fucking ass. No, seriously. Fuck all of them. I just, every single fucking one of them.
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Even the ones I like, I hate. I hate everyone. I'm trying to think if there's a single leader I could remotely stand. I like Bernie. Fuck him, too. I mean, yes. And he would second that. I know. He would tell you that. That's what makes him good. Oh, he's going to go meet. Oh, yeah. Biden met with the Pope. Maybe that's what happened. Oh, he's so close. Yeah, he's touching him. Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He sucked the last life out of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's how Biden made it through.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, because he sucked the Pope's energy. Oh, yeah. Let me be clear. Let me be clear, Pope hypocrite. A thinner. I'm going to give you the thinner decision. Whoa, he's sucking on his little baby hairs. Yeah, the Pope's looking into his eyes. They're touching foreheads in this picture. And the Pope's looking into his eyes like, please don't kill me. This is how I hang out with Carmen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Well, hopefully the Pope will die soon. Because then we can all go, oh man, I just wish that we could vote from home. Yeah, well, we don't get a vote. No, we don't. Watch Conclave. I'm fascinated with the, because I'm a former Catholic turned Satanist, I am fascinated with the machinations of the Vatican.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I can't believe, as someone who hates Catholicism with every ounce of their body, I can't believe how much I liked Conclave. You know what it is? Yeah. I watch things that take place within the Catholic universe just because I know how jealous this makes Mormons. Like, Mormons wish they had this level of importance and pomp and circumstance. Yeah, you can't be a pope with a backpack.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They just... These Mormons are fucking slow. And so right now, if Catholics want to take the lead... I would say, I was thinking about this with Lori Vallow. So Lori Vallow thinks she's a goddess, which I find interesting because she's got absolutely no butt. And if you look at every single... It's coming from a non-butt-haver. This is what I'm saying. I'm not a fertility god.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And I remember they flipped the car and then we're sitting on our side and they're like hanging because they had their seatbelt on and they were hanging. And then they're like, I got to take my belt off. I'm like, if you take that belt off, you're going to crush me. They're like, I got to take my belt off. If you take your belt off, I'm going to kill you. I'm already very mad at you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But if you look at any version... of any form of painting of a so-called goddess throughout pretty much all of humankind. They got that tush. Yes, which I find interesting. So if Catholicism wants to take the ring right now, tush forward. Yeah. If we could have a tush forward papacy, I feel like maybe some, because what brings everyone together? A big, awesome butt.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Heine's bring everyone together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And I feel like it's good for everybody. Breasts do a good job, too, but I feel like the Heine's really bring it together. I'm a breast man myself, but I still think that for the Pope, he needs to have a big ass. Yeah, and then people who like to look at men, they also love a male Heine. That's what I'm saying. So Heine's good for everybody. Some people go to baseball games just for the Heine's.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's what I do. Yeah. Absolutely. People in the stands. Yeah, people in the stands. That's not the only mysterious almost death. It's sad because, God, we'll get him. Get off your Pope box for one second. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just love watching them die and they don't happen enough. It really is only going to be the fourth Pope we've seen die? Pope John I died before Pope John Paul II.
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So this is going to be our third Pope? Isn't that crazy? Yeah. In our lifetime, this is only going to be our third pope. And like our ninth president. Yeah. Yeah, it's pope. But the last one was, yeah, I think it was- Benedict was last and then Pope John Paul II. Pope John Paul II. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's it. I mean, Pope John Paul II, he was 1978 before we were born.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Man, I'd love to see the corpses of each one of these old men. It's not hard to see. I'm just looking at a pantheon of old men faces. They're all the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kill each one. They're all popes. Again. And popes and Leos. Let's get a big butt in the Vatican. Yeah. Now- Sadly, someone's big butt is never going to go to the Vatican.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That is the beloved movie star, now unfortunately, passed. Gene Hackman. Gene fucking Hackman, dude. No one ever thought. I love Gene Hackman. We all do. And I don't think any human being ever thought. Like, if you were going to put money in this, this is why we need to tie in with one of our, they're not a, what is it, a gaming app, right? Wink wink?
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And then I talked some people into pushing our car back right side up. My name's Henry Spresky. I'm sitting here with the awful storyteller, Ed Larson. I feel like that would be a better story if you didn't make me rush through it. It's just because I was in the middle of the most practiced, hardest part of my job. Which is what? Saying the name of this fucking show. Side stories? Yes. Oh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They're online gaming that you could put money towards and make money back. from, right, Rob? Yes, yes. That's the legal way to say it, right? Legally. Legally. Now, no, if we could have set up a pool on one of these gaming apps, we would have made so much fucking money. Did we say Gene Hackman was going to die? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But just not that Gene Hackman's not only going to die, but then you set all the parlays. Mysterious. Wife dies, too. Yeah. Dog dies. One of three dogs die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like $165,000 to one payout. I've never seen anything like this. We should set more of these up. We should do this, where we should do a real death pool and set a super, super specific death and see if it pops up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
This is craps when you try to go to Snake Eyes. You did this this year, but he wasn't on the list. No, of course not. Well, because with Gene Hackman, we just thought he wasn't going to die. Well, I assumed he was going to pass, but I didn't think it would be with this much news attached to it. Well, I think it makes sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He's been in so many fucking mystery movies and thrillers, and it's only fitting that he has a very mysterious death. For those of you that don't know, I'm certain that everybody does. So Gene Hackman, when we grew up with Gene Hackman, he was legitimately an absolutely massive movie star. No one's, yeah, no one was bigger. He was in almost every movie and he was always a fucking badass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Well, and it's funny because I think that as an, as when you're watching him when you were younger, you didn't really kind of understand just how fucking good he, now as an adult looking back, I find it interesting that people talked about Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, all these other actors, but like Gene Hackman, the way he fucking holds that shit down. He's got more Oscars than Pacino.
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I just rewatched The French Connection. Holy shit, he's frightening in The French Connection. And just look at this killer's row. Superman, he was Lex Luthor. He's the only good Lex Luthor, probably. I would say he was great. Oh, Ants. Everybody's favorite bug-based movie made by a pedophile. You ever see Reds? So good. A Bridge Too Far. Unbelievable film.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Twilight's a good movie. They're all good. Extreme Measures is a good fucking movie. Mississippi Bernie. His performance in The Birdcage is also absolutely fantastic. And Get Shorty. He's hilarious in Get Shorty. And guess how he died? In the most mysterious way possible. We don't even know how he died.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Now, this is truly... We kind of thought, like, normally the side stories curse hits and it sucks. But this was one of the first time we were like, you know, good. Like, this allows some information to play out. But we've gotten a little bit, but almost none. Yeah. We now know that Gene Hackman was he was found dead in his home in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He was very he was connected to his whole community. He was found dead with him and his wife, Betsy Arakawa, 65 years old, 30 years younger, 95 years young. Gene Hackman. And there's also there was two different side of the stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There's one side of the story that said that the local restaurant that he used to go to all the time said that Gene Hackman, that he was starting to, his health was failing, and his wife was taking even more and more total control of his day-to-day life. They were becoming recluses. That's what they were saying. They were slowly pulling away. As you do when you're 95.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It's the hardest part of hosting. I mean, it's easy for you to remember because you're so involved with the SS. Yeah. Not anymore. Not according to your fantasies, Eddie. We've got a lot of stuff. So much messaging in on these beer wench dresses that you're obsessed with. Drindle Trockton House is some nice options. Thank you so much for people who sent in the German beer hall dresses for my wife.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But the wife's 65, and they've specifically been very public for a very long time. They've been active members of that community for a long time. And his kids, Gene Hackman's surviving kids, they also said, we actually, last time we talked to our father, he was in really good shape. We talked to him.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But interestingly enough, the kids had not talked to him for several months, which they said also was majorly out of character. We now know that he was found dead. He was found, I believe, in his bathroom. We don't know exactly what it is. His mudroom. And his wife was found. So they were found. He was found, I believe, in the home's mudroom. He had fallen suddenly.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He was found wearing sweatpants, long-sleeved t-shirt, and slippers. Mudroom is a good name for the bathroom, though, because you're just making mud in there, baby. Not me. Sometimes I'm making rabbit pellets if I'm on my diet. Now, Arakawa was found in the bathroom near the front door of the house. The door to the bathroom was open. Arakawa was on the ground wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
An opened orange prescription bottle and scattered pills were seen on a countertop near Arakawa. All right. A space heater was also seen near Arakawa's head. Now, this is the first thing. Now, we also know that... Was it on? No. Now, we also know that Gene Hackman was dead for at least nine days. At least nine days. Because that's when the pacemaker stopped. Yes.
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Still no public information about the toxicology reports on the wife, except for both. It was ruled that carbon monoxide was not what killed them. Which is what it looked like. Very much so. That is what it looked like. And then you wonder, was it made to look like that? Certain pathologists saying that they don't think the companion suicide was... They don't know if it was mutual suicide.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They would be next to each other. We don't know. Why would they be separated? Maybe one was more willing than the other. And then maybe you've taken the pills and it's already too late. It seems like to me, if I could armchair detective here. You have to. It looks like Hackman died and she killed herself. That's what they're saying. But again, we don't quite know. Why was the dog in the closet?
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
One of the weirdest factors of this whole thing. One of their three dogs was found dead in a closet of the bathroom where Arakawa's body was discovered. It was in a kennel in the closet. It was in a kennel in the closet. So we don't know what the hell it was. The other two dogs were found alive. And I'm assuming it starved to death? Again, we're not quite certain.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Has not been publicly released yet. Deputies found the door. Do you autopsy a dog? If you're fun. You know what I mean? If you got a free Wednesday. You know, like sometimes I'll just go do one. They ask me to go in there and I always go look for it. I'm always around you. I'm always getting in there. They found the door to Hackman and Arakawa's home unsecured and open.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, if it's open in a gated community, you're telling me there isn't security driving by these houses every goddamn day at some point? I don't know. I don't know if you're that closely paying attention, but it's also Gene Hackman. He was a known quantity in the room. He really was. Two cell phones were collected. They are getting access to it. And then I love the end of this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It says, what movies was Gene Hackman in? And she's like, well, fuck you, CBS.
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How do you not know? You're CBS, okay? He's fucking, he's Gene Hackman. Welcome to Mooseport, you piece of shit.
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Have you heard of the conversation? This is a, God, his house was beautiful. Of course it was beautiful. It's in Santa Fe. It's Gene Hackman. It deserves a beautiful house. He put in the full, I know what, I always loved Gene Hackman because he didn't get famous until his forties. No, and he was a real actor. A Marine. He used to beat the fuck out of people. Scary as hell. Difficult man.
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Morgan Freeman said that he was the only actor he was ever physically afraid of. But they're also great friends. Yes, because he's one of those where if you busted his balls, he liked you a lot. He liked men who stood their ground. He was one of those guys. If you were tough, he got you. But if he loved you, he loved you. And if he hated you, he fucking hated you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But also old school, which I also like very much.
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fame old school hardcore democrat yeah like was it like they talked about i was reading all about his fucking pussies are stealing our money yeah he is the son i love that he did when he played popeye doyle the police officer in the french connection he had to say a bunch of racial slurs and apparently he had to be talked into it very hardcore by william friedkin and he said that he used to perp william friedkin is an asshole too but he's he's also a great director yeah
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
For his wife. He's been sexualizing in a kind of antique way. Here's the thing. I don't want Julie to look like a Hummel. No, no, no.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And he used to torture Gene Hackman to get him angry. And if you watch that movie, that movie is wild, dude. That movie is... French Connection, you know they use real bullets in the ending. Yes. In the shootout in the end. It's brutal. That is a... And Gene Hackman is just so fucking good. It's just one of those where you forget what actors used to be like. Yeah.
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It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And you watch them sometimes and you just like... Because nowadays, I feel like a lot of times I'll watch some actors and you can kind of... I don't know if anybody feels like this where you're watching a movie and you feel like you see the script.
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Like I'm watching someone, I'm just seeing lines of dialogue on a page. And when I'm watching Gene Hackman, I forget that he's an actor. It's crazy because you think about Unforgiven. He's so terrifying and intimidating in that movie. And he's like in his mid to late 60s. That shit's crazy. That's the movie Morgan Freeman said that he was desperately afraid of him on.
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And then also he was exceptional as Lex Luthor. Oh, yeah. As a comedic role. He just was one of those old school guys that could do it all. And I guess he left us just like he always did in the films, wanting more. So now we'll find out. We are going to find out. Obviously, this is going to be a story that rolls out over the next couple of weeks, longer and longer.
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I personally believe that why they are holding back Some information on the wife is because they know something that we don't know. And I think that that's what we will find out. It's an investigation. We shouldn't know anything yet. We just don't know very little. Yeah, no, as we should. Man, but fucking nuts. Also, the pacemaker thing, I think armchair medical examiner here. He has to be.
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Why don't we put Wi-Fi in these things so we know when they stop? Everything else is Wi-Fi. You know, sprinklers have Wi-Fi. I don't fucking know. But the thing is, if he's wearing an Apple Watch... Do I really need to have another app? Do I need to have an app connected to my fucking heart? It sounds like you're going to need a pacemaker. I already do. I do need one. No, I don't know.
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A cummel. I would say these, how do I say, the breasts don't heave as much as I'd like them to. I'm expecting, I want more, I want her breasts to heave so much they're at her ears. Well, I think the way you do that is, truly, you can handle that yourself, buddy. You just cut a hole in that. You just cut the window into the top of that thing that you want, right?
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They can hook up to your Bluetooth. Oh, yeah? This is what I'm saying. That's great. I don't need, my dishwasher has an app. I know, but this seems more important than your dishwasher. I don't want any more apps. I'm done. I'm out. I think, but I'm saying if you did get one more app for your pacemaker, you might want it. No, actually, unfortunately, Marcus already talked me into one.
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He was working on one. He said, have you tried this new app? It's been helping him emotionally regulate. And I was like, what is it? And he's like, have you heard of this thing called Grindr? Ha! And I have just been so busy with these therapists I keep meeting. Yeah, you got to talk to these guys. Do these guys work with BetterHelp? Because some of these guys are rough around the edges.
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Yeah, Grindr was great for me, but I like a female therapist. And so there were so few on there. You ever go on Snapper? Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. It's for lesbians. Oh, okay. Snapper's great. Snapper's one of my favorite. It's called... Oh, it's real. Yeah. No, I actually did not know that that was real. No, no. I do not know.
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No, Snapper is what I was making up because I was going to say you could sign up for cunt of the day. Oh, wow.
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Forward thinking on Snapper. They're not a sponsor.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They're not a sponsor, but if you want to get snapped... Go ahead and get that app. Absolutely. Snapper. Barely even know her. Perfect. Okay, so let's get to some... Oh, and shout out David Johansson. We love you. Yeah, we miss you. Also, you know what I want to say about David Johansson's death? Nobody had the balls to call him Buster Poindexter. That's how I knew him. That's how you knew him?
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I didn't even know the New York Dolls existed until I met Marcus Parks. The only person I knew was Buster Poindexter, and that was my David Bowie. But he wasn't listed as that in Scrooge. No, he never was. He should have been. I thought he was Buster Poindexter. And I don't know why we've all decided to forget about Buster Poindexter.
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Well, now that he's dead and he's in hell, you know what he's saying. Tot, tot, tot. I don't think he's in hell. No, he's probably in dirt. There's nothing. Yeah, there's fucking dirt. He's nowhere. He's gone to silence. But, you know, great guy. All right, Pope's dead. Jane Hackman's dead. Casey Anthony's a bitch. Yeah, let's cover. All right, real quick.
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Chicago has this fucking... I just wanted to quickly touch upon what I think might be... I looked this up. One of the youngest serial killers... They are now applying six homicides to this young man. Antonio Reyes. Yes, Antonio Reyes. Now, this was in Chicago. He's been in jail for five years now, and he tried to kill his cellmate when he was in jail. Yeah, this guy is... I'm going to say...
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Yeah. And he came out there. They think there's five new charges that have just been brought against him. He was already in custody. And they are describing the murders as serial murderers. Not that Angelo. Not that Reyes. He just pulled that up. No, not the soccer player. Not the famous soccer player. No, no, no. And yeah, he did try to kill his roommate. I'm going to call him roommate.
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All right, fine. Just for fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Yeah. His roommates. Yeah. With roommates like these, you need cellmates. Yeah. Yeah. Shanks for the memories. Yep. All right. So. But. But he, so he's killed five other people. He killed six people total. But the thing is that's driving me crazy about this is these all seem like passion, not passion, but like in the heat of the moment kills.
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And that's when you present the dress, but you don't give her the option necessarily to choose what neckline she wants. I want a push-up bra that works so well her tits are like a hat. Oh, great. Oh, that's easy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I am going to say that now that I'm really diving into this, he's a spree killer more than anything else, than a serial killer. Take close from March 2nd of 2020 to November 9th of 2020. Yes, he shot people. He shot one group of people while trying to kill someone specifically. He was trying to kill a 16-year-old boy and then killed three other kids that were in the car with him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
No, he didn't kill the kids. He killed the 31-year-old father. And then the kids that were in the car, he's getting attempted murder for those. Okay, he just got them. He's tagged them. Yeah, they're not, they all lived. But he's still like, a lot of this seems to be, I am going to say now that I'm looking at this, a lot of this might be gang activity and some kind of other type of personal piece.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But he didn't rob these people. I don't think it could be past that. You know what I mean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
The cops think it's random. That's why it took so long to find the motherfucker. See, that'll be very, very interesting, and that's not good. And then you call it first-degree murder. I feel like that's, like, a problem, because I don't know if they are necessarily first-degree murders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, I mean, unless... It is, if they are... I believe if he walks out and purposely goes to shoot people in general, that's enough to be considered first-degree. If he is... Normally, it's if you did not... Basically, if you did not leave the house that day thinking you were going to kill somebody, it can be anything but first degree. Like if it happens on accident, if it happens during a fight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I think he just had a gun on him and got an argument on road rage or some shit. It sounds like, though, if they're saying it's first degree, they think that maybe, well, Yeah, one victim was killed when he went to the gas station to buy a pop. Another victim was sitting in a parked car with a friend on Palm Sunday afternoon. Another victim's only crime was taking his family to buy a new puppy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's the guy who was killed in front of his kids. They were on their way to buy a new puppy. Did they get the puppy? I hope they fucking better have. Honestly, I'd say you should. I'm sure there's a puppy. You're going to have to get three puppies. I'm sure the one thing they fucking have is a puppy. Well, now it's a dog, and it's probably neglected. It's very sad. Very, very sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But it sounds like he did just kind of randomly decide to shoot people. And it's the south side of Chicago. And unfortunately, there's a shit ton of murders there, especially in 2020. Oh, yes. And this is during COVID. that he's doing all this. And like the beginning of COVID. And so it's harder for people to get caught and it takes this long to find.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I wonder if we're going to find more people like this. Spree killers during COVID that we weren't able to catch because everyone's busy with fucking riots in the street and shit like that. And just like fucking the hot people dying in the hospitals. It has been five years though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's just ribbons. You just tie it behind her head. Yeah, so I think what I was actually looking for is ribbons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
So I actually don't know at this point how much I just think that this is just crazy because it really is so deeply disconnected. Yeah. And so that is so hard. And you're right. It is extremely hard to prosecute these crimes. Yeah. It's very, very hard. But they got the guy, the gun lined up with bullets from multiple victims, and it is his gun. So it seems like we can go ahead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I mean, he's going to stand trial, of course. But yeah, no, it is this fella here is an... A heap of trouble for killing a bunch of people. And he, as he should be. I think he's more of a serial... Because I think a lot of times when the younger people in, you know, like south side of Chicago and places like that, it's usually gang activity. And this doesn't seem like it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Or it's somebody that is taking advantage of the rampant gang activity in order to go and get some sick intention off of himself, shooting at people, and then imagining it could all be swept under the rug as gang activity. Yeah, which... Seems like what happened here. Yep. But yeah, fucking nuts. Yeah, it is. This is crazy. It's a crazy story. It will be developing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
So if you could send in some breast ribbons. He's looking for breast ropes for my wife. So if you could find anything that really would help with that, I'd appreciate that. The dwindled dresses are very nice. I might actually just buy her one. I just couldn't see a world where I could give her this and she doesn't like look at me and possibly hit me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And then we have another story that is also developing here in Los Angeles. There is a gnome. Oh, yes. Now, I'm not going to say in what area of town this is. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But it is in the San Fernando Valley. The gnome was caught, I believe. It did appear upon my next door.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
One of my favorite apps in the world. I'm a citizen boy. Citizen is getting less reliable. Yes. No, there is straight lies on citizen. And what's nice about next door is that you really, really get to find out who thinks that every black person is a criminal. Citizen has that. Oh, yes, it does. It does.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Next door is a special place filled with the hermits of various neighborhoods of Los Angeles, and God, I love them. And this man went on a posting spree saying that he believed he had evidence of a gnome harassing him outside of his home. Yeah. And as you can see right here, clear as day, this person posted what could only be
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
a picture of a gnome in a ring camera because nobody would wear such a tall, pointy hat. And have a weird little butt like this. Unless it's me. But my hat was in the shop. It is a onesie. I was in there when this picture was taken because it actually has the time stamps on it. It is definitely a little person. It is a gnome, Eddie. Yeah. It is absolutely and utterly a gnome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And I don't think that you understand how important this is And it seems that the gnome has been caught. The gnome is caught? What did the gnome do? Why are we catching it? Why are we just letting it be a gnome? It was dinging and dashing. Dinging and dashing? Yes, one of the worst crimes you can do in any suburb of San Fernando Valley. Hitting a doorbell and leaving? Yes. That should be allowed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
One of the scariest crimes a gnome can do. But now it seems that he has escalated according to this article posted by the same poster, not two days later. As you can see, my God, finally it's been caught on the 27th. A naked man assaulted a 63-year-old woman outside her home. Do we know it's the same? How do we know it's the same gnome? It's posted by the same man, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, but there's no way to know that this is the gnome. This man declares that it must be the gnome. The man who attacked the woman. Though was not dressed like a gnome. No. Naked. He was naked. Naked as the new dawn. I think that this person has a lot of crime next to their house. No, no. I think that this guy, he does like to post videos of the helicopters. I have been following this man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I don't want to even name him because then you'll find out where he lives. I've been following him. I actually specifically follow his account because of his posting. This is also the man that posted the mysterious picture of the apple. That said that people were harassing him in our neighborhood. Oh. And this man is scared. He's calling it on himself at this point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
No, she'll be upset with you, especially when you tell her your brutalist fantasies where you want to be a dying Jewish man. And she's a friendly Bavarian woman that has either found you after you've escaped from the concentration camps. I feel so sorry for you, boy. But I just feel like you're just so like, and I mean this. I'm taken to the woods. I mean this the nicest way, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
At this point, I want to harass him. I think that I do too, Eddie. I do too. But yes, he is connecting these two crimes. Okay. And I don't know if it is indeed real. But he does firmly believe in the gnome. How do we get Terry the gnome to give this guy a call? I think that Terry the gnome, you'd know if it was Terry the gnome because he'd be naked. He would have been the naked one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Fucking a mailbox. Just like Terry the gnome is supposed to be. Stealing lemons even though you got a sign that says, leave my lemons alone. It's a scurvy. That's what he, Terry the gnome, he's just like, I like edging my scurvy. Love Terry. Oh, man. Does Terry ever get with old ladies?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You know, the hardest part about, let's say, a mature, full-sized human is that a lot of times, you know me, I'm Terry. I give my all. If I'm fucking, I'm fucking from the tip of my gnome feet to the very top of my gnome hat. I throw it all in. I am like a bucking bull. liquid metal cobra up against any woman's pubic muscle, right? I go right up against that bone. Does it matter how big they are?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
No, no. But find that if they're a little bit more mature, I slide all the way in. Yeah. And then what? I got to dig my way out like that guy in the whale. You mean Pinocchio? Yeah, the guy in that video you guys showed the other day. I got to find the light. You know what I mean? Like a plant. Do you know this gnome? That's why I stick to shih tzus. That's because the anal sucks. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But Theo, do you know this guy? Do you know this guy? Is he part of the gnome community? He's a part of the gnome illegal alien. I'm going to call gnome ice on him. That's what he needs. No, this is not. This is according to the man that posted this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
This is not my picture, but was an image sent to me by one of my neighbors on this app who lives in the community and was captured on their wing camera. If you have any information on who this is, please contact me. I am building up a case to take to the LAPD. He is talking about being dinged and dashed by a nun. And that he's building this case against this gnome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And it is just like a picture of maybe a child running through the street with a gnome hat and a bodysuit. It could be. It could be Eddie. It really could be. Or this is the loneliest man in the world. Oh, my God. And he is desperate for our outreach. Yeah. Well, we should definitely reach out and at least come over and ring the doorbell. I want to go. God, I want to just go. We got to get a hat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'll find his address. Yeah, we got to get this guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You can find this guy. That's the whole point of Nextdoor is you can find the people that post these ridiculous things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
you're straight up just also this is a little lesson for everybody people keep commenting on i'm wondering what case of what to la people yeah they're all like yeah everybody all the people are commenting as if it's real yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah a lot of comments a lot of comments he takes the time to respond to all of them oh very much so i love it chris w says looks like he thinks he's a teletubby from the back be very careful this is the original poster
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I live in the woods. I need a new forest wife. When you look in the mirror and you see yourself, it's going to be hard, especially like, are you going to draw little numbers on your arm? No, I never got caught. That's the thing. I'm living in the woods. Oh, you're saying you were always... I will die before you take me, baby. That's what he needs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Chris, is this a joke? Look at my other posts. It's a man in a gnome costume. God, I love next door. He's so upset. I love it. God. Do you feel safe in your neighborhood? Yeah, I'm the most dangerous person. I saw the same thing in Fresno four years ago, according to Tony Starks. Hi, Tony. This is interesting. Please explain. Is this a joke? That was his response. LOL. No, this is not a joke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Please see my other posts. This is a real issue in our community. I just ran the video. God, I love this guy. Maybe he's out there. So just check on your local gnomes, see if they're okay. Pussy. Oh, okay, good. Let's move on. Now, do we have anything else we want to cover before I get to some letters? Well, there is the guy who blew up the people's house that he went to the wedding of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I mean, it's just kind of funny because it really is just that story. Because I was looking into it. There's no connection between that. A couple got married. I think you can assume he was in love with the bride. It seemed like that. A guy left in the middle of the ceremony with jugs and jugs of gasoline. filled the house with gasoline, and then blew up the house with himself inside of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, I think he died on accident, though. I don't think it was a suicide. Yeah, I feel like it was maybe his first time blowing something up. Yeah, it was his first. And so it didn't work out. But yeah, Tom Davis and Eleni Vredos were getting married when their residence exploded, killing Anthony Avelio Puebla inside as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
yes the uh wedding guests who disappeared halfway through the festivities and snuck out to the happy couples illinois home and blew it up right in the middle of the wedding hey man i mean that's how you know they're out of the house yeah no uh yeah if you want this is not a murder this is definitely just very upset with the people getting married even though he was invited See, that's the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
So things were good enough to invite him, or they felt weird about it. Maybe they thought he was so out of pocket, we got to invite him. Yeah. Yeah, no, but he blew up these people's house. Also in Chicago, busy week for Chicago. But yeah, GoFundMe is set up for the couple who lost their house and six cats. Oh, that's sad. The cats make me sad. The cats are sad. He blew up all the cats.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There's no reason for that. You know, there's just so many other ways to get revenge. Oh wow, the GoFundMe already raised $62,000. You know what's a really good way to get revenge, fellas? If you got problems like that, you got to seduce one of the bridesmaids. You think so? Oh yeah. I say go for the groom's mom. Oh fuck if you fuck. Yeah. The groom's mother.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Because she's definitely, especially if she's, you know, a widow or something. Has anybody ever had that side story? It's opotl at gmail.com. Has anybody had their mom get fucked by somebody at a wedding? At their own wedding? Yeah. Yeah, let us know. I feel like that's a good story to pass around. Nothing would make me happier. I've never heard anything like that. I mean, I've seen documentaries.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Also, I've got a lot of people sending in stuff about Stalag fiction. The Stalag... I don't know how you quite pronounce it. Yeah, no, that's... But this is exactly what you're looking for. No, this isn't what I'm looking for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Not at the wedding. At the hotel room later on after the wedding. Or at the wedding. I don't think, you know, if it happens at the wedding, maybe you keep that a secret. Honestly, how crazy fun would that be? Yeah. Think about this. Just laying across the mashed potato bar. Can I ask you, honestly, how would you feel if your good friend, Mr. Pastrami, if he went... You love Mr. Pastrami.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Well, I think we need to pick someone else because we've been friends with my family since six years old. But that's how he set the bond. It's a little too close. It's a little too close. We need someone like Travis. Travis Irvine. Travis Irvine, I feel like, is a good one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And he's probably most likely, I think of anybody on the staff or anybody I've ever known, he's the one most likely to have sex with an older, elderly woman at a wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a member of a family. He's not a prostitute, but he will have sex for like, I don't know. Donuts. Donuts, yeah, dinner. He's a professional producer and an editor, so he does it very well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, he doesn't need your money. No, no, but he wants your sex. But Travis Irvine, how would you feel if your mom was still alive, and you love your mother, and your mom got tipsy at the wedding, and Travis hooked up with her? I mean, as long as he's nice to her. You'd be fine with it. I think so, actually, oddly enough.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I mean, as long as, like, he's not leading her on and she doesn't fall in love and he breaks her heart, that would piss me off. Why does that make me... I feel like it's weird of, like, the idea that if they attempted to date, that's so much worse than just banging it out. I say, oh, if as long as mom's on the board for banging it out, I think that's fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But, you know, you can't, like, bang her out and then she get too attached, right? Oh, yeah, because then you're seeing him at Thanksgiving and seeing him at Christmas. That's what happened to my mom. But I'm down to see him at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but then that's a whole other thing. You have to be a good person and a good father to me. That's the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I was saying it about Marcus's mom in a way, about how she's so friendly and she's so sweet. It just gets to a point where it would be kind of fun to be Marcus's dad. Yeah. It'd be kind of fun to get in there and just show up. As your father, I feel like, and I'd just like to see the reaction. Just because it's fun to do. Who in the world has a single mom? My mom's almost single.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I read it, but these women are Nazis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I, like a German woman... What do you think the Bavarians were? in Nazi Germany who doesn't believe in their views. And if you're actively fighting it, you're one of them. What do you mean? That's what the Drindle women are. Even though, yeah, they might be apolitical because they have their ghost nipples.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We love Emily. Emily, you're wonderful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Get out of there. Kumail, please. I have your email address. I'm going to do it this way. I'm going to reveal to the world your phone number and email address unless I'm holding your personal information hostage. Yeah. You look great. So attractive. And I mean this right now. Someone needs to send this to him. Send this to him. If you don't have sex with my mom. Please, Kumail. And join my family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You have years. I'd say at least a couple years. Yes. Until we're ready for you. I'm going to dox you. So I need you to be with my mother. I think that if you don't sleep with Henry's mother, we are going to release your personal information. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. And I don't want it to be like this. You're forcing me to do this, Kamau. Your lack of responsibility.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You should not have gotten so in shape. You are forcing me. You are forcing my hand. Yes. And Henry's mother? Eternal. Eternal. That was a movie he was in. Oh, sure. The Eternals. I got through about a solid 15 minutes of it, and I was happy that he is doing well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It sucks, Rob. It fucking sucks. And if you fuck Henry's mom, Henry will finish watching the movie. I promise you. He promises to finish. I promise you. I will, Kamau. You're my friend. When you finish, he finishes. And guess what? I'll even do you one better. I'll throw a letterboxd review for Stuber on there as well. If you could do that. Please. Because my mom won't know what hit her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Thank you, everybody. Thank you guys for helping me with this. God, look at his arms. Yo, he's doing great. God. He's faring you very well. I technically should just text him. We should get him in here. I'd love to, of course. He's doing the rounds. Probably not anymore. Oh, whatever. Oh, whatever. He should be so lucky to fuck my mother. All right. She's good at making food.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Fucking cut some of this. Good looking. All right. We'll make a clip and tag him and see what he says. Yeah, let's see what he does. No, let's go back. Let's get some letters. Sadly, right before I saw this, I saw a headline that says 10-year-old boy crushed to death by 340-pound foster mom after she sat in him for just misbehaving. But we're just going to move on. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Now let's go to... That happens every day. It does. I mean, Wendy just knows to get out of the way. She really does. What's wrong? It's just laughing about that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They hate it. No, they don't. There's no way. They're high-nother guys. There's no way they'd be allowed into the dwindles if they hated it. Oh, come on. Everyone gets a dwindle if you're blonde or red-headed enough. No, the Bavarians were even more hateful than the city-based bar wenches. The pretzel people? Look at this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It's a lot of things. All right. Wendy not getting crushed by you. I blame the boy. You know what I mean? That's what I just did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Now, I got a couple of great listener emails about Mormonism. I was saying before I was going to save it. I wasn't going to save it, but I might actually save it. Just because I did find out within the confines of marriage, blowjobs are okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They're just not that technically prevalent. Okay. But they do... They say... You can do whatever you want within a Mormon marriage. Okay. You can legally get divorced, but your spirit's forever bound. So you just get to see your ex-husband. So it doesn't even matter? No, when you die. That's worse. Oh, yeah, of course. It's all much worse.
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If you die, your soul is already bonded to your husband, and then you end up on the planet that he inherits and becomes god of. And so that's why every single time I've received, I've received so many emails as we're covering Chad Daybill and Lori Vallow about like, you're painting Mormonism in broad strokes and blah, blah, blah. But I'm going to have, you know, even you normal Mormons are weird.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
See, that's the thing. These Mormons, man, if they were Catholic, they could be like the Pope and have their lungs filled with cum. Guys! Catholicism's got all the fucking shit too, dude. They got all the fucking same garbage that you guys have, and it's a thousand years older, and people don't think you're a weird pervert when you tell them you got fuck and then you're in it.
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Unless you're in charge of it. It seems like there's different, everybody's like a different type of Mormon. There's many stripes of Mormon and they're different. Each ward, wards are different. Households are different. Everybody plays fast and loose kind of with the rules.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But technically, if you call yourself a capital M Mormon, no matter what you personally believe, you're on the same bus as the rest of them. Just remember that. So it's, you can't, as much as you want to be like, we're better than the others. No, he ain't. No, no. I mean, all religion is silly. They're all wrong. They're all fake. Even atheists I can't stand. Hate everything.
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As an atheist, I don't like atheists.
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Everybody can go fuck themselves. Yep. I'm just in a mood today. Yeah, you are. All right, let's get these. Let's get some. This actually, I like what I'm accidentally right. Of course. Yeah. How were you accidentally right? About twisting the radio dials. I've been an ICU nurse in Florida for almost a decade, so I've seen some shit.
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But Henry discussing how to revive a woman by twisting the nips is actually not totally out there. Whoa! Some patients like to fake seizures to receive medication for funsies. This can terrify new nurses witnessing these seizures as the patients usually go full-fledged movie dramatic with them. How long can you fake a seizure for? It's got to be tiring.
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Did you see Eddie putting his face on this little Jewish, on the prisoner of this Stalag magazine? These women are dressed like Nazis. They have their tits out. They look great. And they actually aren't dressed like Nazis. They're dressed like something else. She has a Nazi armband. Oh, I thought that was just a fun... X. Maybe that's my problem politically recently.
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How long are you willing to go to get your Ativan? You know what I mean? Like, you just... Phenobarbital, baby. They just flop around, man. They want it, right? Now, after some years of experience with this, you start to learn tricks to be sure they're having a genuine seizure. Most commonly, we lift their arm over their face and let go.
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If you're with it, you won't let your arm smack yourself in the face. We can tickle your eyelashes and see if you grimace or pull back. Okay. Really anything that takes effort that you can't control during a real seizure. So they poke them in the eye to see if they fucking react? Come on! You have to do that to a guy with your mouth. Oh, I guess he is really having a seizure. Ow! Ow!
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I guess they won't remember. No. I've witnessed on more than one occasion some old school nurses who are clearly tired of the bullshit due to good old radio dial twists, though. There's nothing quite like watching someone faking a seizure absolutely lose their mind after an old woman just straight up yanks the hell out of their nipple.
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While it's not exactly moral or ethically the right option, I will say it works. And I'll say when it comes to fucking emergency medicine, a W is a W. All right. According to, again, this is Google AI. So we don't know if this is real or not. It says a nurse is not allowed to twist your nipples under any circumstances.
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Hey, my health insurance is going to do whatever the fuck it is I want it to do. Yeah, I know. All right? And so, yeah, if I'm coming out of here with a $150,000 fucking bill, you better play with my goddamn nipples.
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And you better make me cum, too. You don't have to make them cum. It takes too long. At least then I'll feel like I'm in church. Amen. Comey, comey, comey, comey, comey, comey. I got a letter this week. Whoa. Old dogs. A, B, C, D. I said A letter. I know Ed's struggle. It's all too real. We're biased as a family and have a wonderful dog come into our lives that just won't pass away.
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Just will not die. It's like the Pope. We were friends with a family who had four border collies and sadly had to move across the country and decided to drive. It was fine for three of the youngest dogs, but at the stage of Sky, who was 16 at the time, coming to the end of their life, the family was unsure what to do.
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We offered to take in Sky as part of our family because, hell, she can't have that much left of a mortal coil, could she? Well, she was brought over to the family, gave us a bag of dog food, and said donate the rest when Sky passed. Five years later, she's still with us. Whoa, that dog could buy a beer. Skye is the best dog a guy would want. She's loyal, beautiful, and kind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There is a point where we had to poke her every other day to make sure she's still with us. She was a soul in a waking undead corpse. Miss her every day, but don't miss the zombie breath. That's my favorite. I love that. Hail Skye. That's beautiful. I love old dogs. I don't think I ever want to have a puppy. I think I don't want to ever have a puppy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You don't understand the side of a swastika? No, honestly, I do understand it. I know it's supposed to be a target for bullets. Yes. It's amazing. The swastika and the Germans, they never turned the swastika into a pretzel. Again, missed opportunities. Totally missed opportunities. There was only a couple years where that would have really popped. That's why they really needed capitalism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Natalie and I have talked about this, and what we want to do, honestly, switch back and forth. Okay. The next dog we get is going to be a puppy. Yeah. And the one after that will be an older rescue. I'd like to rent a puppy. Why? Just so you could play with it for a little bit and then give it back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
foster yeah you could foster it it's a great idea yeah you just don't pay if anybody sounds like i'm doing something good if anybody lets you rent a dog don't do that i would rather pay them for the dog and rent it than me have to like really care about it so you wanted to treat it like a prostitute like it's a sex worker so that's the idea so it's a transactional yes relationship between you and the puppy
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Because you remember every day, love, you don't pay the puppy to show up, you pay the puppy to leave. Right? And you're going to live your life knowing, yeah, I could get puppies if I wanted to, but if I pay them, honestly, it's just a little bit easier for me. And me and my pupsitute, we laugh ourselves to sleep each night because I know in the morning, she'll be gone. Yeah, that's right. Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And you'll be sitting there getting watched by the ghost of Norbert. Man, Norbert's a fucking ghost, dude. And they just keep bringing up his fucking corpse. Well, of course. He's a star. He's dead. We talked about Gene Hackman today. He's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'm going to go. You watched this movie. I did. Norbert doesn't have a movie. If you put all of the fucking Instagram reels together, I bet it's an hour and a half. But I would enjoy if Norbert did play a racist police officer. I do think that that would be incredible. So, check us out at patreon.com. Patreon.com. Slash last podcast on the left. You can pay to watch us yell. It's easy to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
All it takes... Also, Side Stories is available on video on YouTube about two or three days after we release. So go make sure you watch that if you want to see us yell at each other and swallow each other's spit. That's our job. Huntsville, I'm coming for you, NASA. Oh, my gosh. Von Braun Center, the new... The wonderful, the American hero. How did I not know? We've been talking about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'm feeling such a fucking idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He's the Nazi scientist. We made him American. We're going to his center. And we are performing there for the ghost of Werner. And we're going to be there on March 16th. That's a Sunday. We're going to be there. And I mean, you're going to want to come out for this because I have no idea what we're going to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We are going to have so much fun and we're probably going to have enough people that we could hang out and shit afterwards. So come out to see Huntsville. We're going to have a fucking blast. And you can get those tickets on last podcast on the left. Also, more side story shows are coming down the pipe. We're going to announce a couple more eventually, but we have two in Florida in May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Make sure you come out to those. We got Dania Beach on May 7th in Orlando, Florida on May 8th. I can't wait. That Daniel Beach show is going to be amazing. It's going to be fun. All my school friends are coming there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
When I went to high school. It's going to be such a blast. It's going to be a funny time. Yeah. It's going to be hilarious. People are going to be making fun of me from the fucking audience because they all know me personally. Make sure you come and check that out. It's going to be amazing. And then, of course, we're going to be a contact at the desert this year from May 29th to June 2nd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Oh, I remember Ilsa She-Wolf of the SS. We almost saw this film. What is this? It's one of your favorite movies, Eddie. It looks awesome. Yeah, you would love it. Wow. You just never stop jerking off to it. Whoa. It's got dogs and Nazi women? You'd be surprised. I got some old documentaries I could show you as well. Some of them are pretty rough. Exactly. Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Not sure what day we're performing, but go for the whole time. You'll have a fucking amazing time. We're definitely at least doing it. We're doing two days of stuff. So we will be there throughout the entire weekend. So please just come check it out. And we will have more specific information over the next month. And, of course, the wonderful Crime Wave. Oh, crimewaveatsea.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We're all going to be stuck on a boat together. Thank you. Come and watch us all be stuck on a boat together. are going to have a lot of laughter. Oh, my gosh. And I imagine some dead white women. Oh, at least. Which is what we, honestly, we all traffic on. They told me that there's a morgue on the boat. We are going to go. They're going to let me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They said I could do an autopsy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I hope one of you die. If one of you die on the boat, Henry and I get to cut you. If you're a Patreon subscriber. Yes, yes. So if you go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left, you too can have your organs played with by Henry Zebrowski. I don't play with him. I take it very seriously. He works with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I take the blood. Well, hail Satan, everyone. Hail Gene Hackman again. See you in hell, Pope. Ha ha!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Now let's talk about... Do we just lose a bunch of subscribers? Yeah, of course. Every time. Every time we speak. Every day. And if you want to see Eddie in a dwindle dress, he's going to be in one when we do our live show. Well, you've got to dress like a little German boy. I will. You see all these outfits? I saw this on the dwindle site. They're actually selling leather boy swim trunks. I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Leather swim trunks, Henry. It's so a boy drowns on vacation. Yeah. That's the idea. They're all very thick. All of these are very thick. Look at that. For our show. Ooh, man. Well, we got to hurry up and buy this because we're going to be in Huntsville on March 16th at the LBC Center or the VBC Center, the Von Braun Center. Yeah, you're going to love it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And we all love Werner Von Braun, our favorite American. Oh, my God. Is it named after him? Yes. Oh, I never put it together until this moment. Yes. It is named after him. We're playing at a place named after a Nazi. We made him American. All right? So we have to all know that's a fact.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
This whole stuff with Julie is a joke. This is serious. I actually think that you'd be surprised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Natalie says this to me all the time. She tells me all this time about jokes. She's like, oh, you joke. You say it's just a joke. But I also heard you at one point say, Henry, all jokes are true. And I said... Parts of jokes are true and thoughts behind jokes can be true. But this is just history, Eddie. Wernher von Braun started this theater so that he could do his favorite play.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I want to say he did The Wizard of Oz several times because it reminded him of his old boss. Yes. Re-enact Hogan's Heroes? Adolf Hitler's, one of his favorite movies was The Wizard of Oz. There better be a sandwich shop there called Hogan's Heroes. Oh, my God, please. That would be amazing. Oh, God. Satan schnitzels. I eat nothing. That's a great tag. That's a great tag for that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
All right, so we did our plug. We discussed Eddie's lingering fascination sexually with Nazis. I can't believe we're... I know we were going... This is blowing my mind. It's his theater. Yeah, buddy. Where do you think he got Annie Got Your Gun? Annie Got Your Gun. You know what I mean? Where do you think he got these? He's a showman. He always was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But we have to talk about another one of our favorite villains. She's back. Oh, God. My texts have not stopped ringing. I mean it. The messaging I'm getting all day long. Emails, DMs. My mom reached out. Really? Did you see Casey Anthony's on TikTok? Everyone, why? My mom, my mom even, she was just like, that horrible woman. But her skin looks so nice. And I was just like, no, I know, Mom. Great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Also, why are you on the computer? I don't want her on the computer. But Casey Anthony, in case you live under a true crime rock. You now know that Casey Anthony has started a TikTok, and even worse than a TikTok, she has started a sub stack. Now, Casey Anthony has decided to come out swinging at the top of this. I can't fucking believe this bitch. Casey Anthony, let's just start. Can we play it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Let's scrub through some of the video. You see her. She's very nervous up top because, obviously, she's so not used to public speaking. Yeah, with her giant glasses.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Now, Casey Anthony is she's putting herself forward as this thing, what they call a legal advocate or victims advocate. This is a term you hear a lot. And it is a it's a fraught term. It's also it's hard, right, because it's for people. that largely don't have the resources to hire a lawyer or have been fucked up by the system for various reasons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. It's crazy, Eddie. I didn't even actually didn't even know that they made this and this car anymore. I did not know. I thought that they had discontinued this. The Yugo? No, no. Have you seen the Kia abortion? Oh, yeah. It is crazy. The Kia abortion was it's it's brave, obviously brave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Either they've been rolled through the CPS system, they've been rolled through various things, and they need help. So these legal advocates are people that sort of come out, and some of them are on one side of the spectrum. where they have a lot of experience in training, education. A lot of them used to be lawyers or people that want to be in law enforcement.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And they are looking to do pro bono work to help people. And I'm going to say that's one side of the spectrum. Yes. And on the other side of this... Good. Yes. It's fine. It's utterly fine. Some people need help. You do need help. It is hard when you don't have... It's definitely difficult if you don't have the money. You can't hire a lawyer. You have a public defender.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
If you're lucky or you're getting sued and you don't have money to hire a lawyer. Yes. But then on the other side of all of this, you have Casey Anthony. So now Casey Anthony is the exact worst...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
problem that something like legal advocacy has because it's casey anthony yeah and the second you're standing next to casey anthony you are involved in casey anthony's life her baggage every single thing attached to her she is a human anchor and a child murderer now Devil's advocate. Ooh, so you're going to, so this is you, you're fighting for Casey. I'm not fighting for her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'm asking questions. If someone was accused of murdering their child, would Casey Anthony not be a really good legal advocate for them? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yes. Absolutely. If you want that involvement, you know what I mean? If you want that involvement, sure, it could be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
If you're also what seems to be accused of murdering your child and there seems to be heaps and heaps of evidence against you, but then you happen to also like sucking your lawyer's penis. I think that Casey would do it really that she'd be perfect for you, because I do think that the most of Casey Anthony's legal information does come from her former lawyer's balls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And it seems to she believes that it has kind of spread through her brain. Now, I just important to know is that the worst part about something like this is because of the words victim advocacy. Yes. People need help. Right now, more than ever, we got, you know, this divide's coming harder than you could possibly imagine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We are going to have more people having less and more people having more than ever before. Yes. And when desperation hits, that's when crime goes up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It's very natural. And it's also very difficult. But another thing that then gets pushed onto those that don't have that much money is is that when you are looking for somebody to help you, you feel, I think, a lot. You look at the term victim advocate and you're like, this is somebody who cares. This is somebody that wants to help no matter what it is that they think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They want to put aside their own lives and they want to altruistically help others. But I have to stress, I just got to let you get through your heads just a little bit, is that those people, it's why the grift is so hard in that world. It is, and it does it a lot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They are literally courting people and weaponizing them against what they consider to be low-level offenders. So these guys are right now, they are implicated. This group is implicated in six murders. Whoa. One of them. That's crazy. Yes. That's a lot. But right now, we're not quite certain yet. We don't know if they did it. It's not official official. No. They're accused.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The two murders that have definitely been tied to members of this group was one, a man by the name of Curtis Lind, who was an 82-year-old landlord who stabbed to death in Vallejo, California. Okay. And then on the other side of the fucking country, David Milland, a border, I believe he's a border patrol agent, was also killed in Vermont. The two suspects in those two separate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But according to police, they now are saying that they are connected. One was the suspect for the Vallejo murder was Maximilian Snyder. and Teresa Youngblut was for the Vermont one. And now we know that Youngblut has been arrested, and so has Maximilian Snyder. I am sorry if I'm also deadnaming anyone. I will say that some of the writing on this book
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
the newsweek newsweek did a breakdown of the story and that that whole building needs to just be shut down newsweek used to be reputable that article was fucking unreadable and it's supposed to make make it all make sense i'm not quite certain because a lot of these people within this group were transitioning so some of them some of them are reporting them as their new names and some of them reporting them as their dead names and i have no idea which is which
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Well, if they haven't officially changed their name and committed a crime, I imagine— They would be known as their legal name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. But it's—again, it's all over the place. But they are—the whole thing is that what these people have done is created a school of thought where they don't believe in surrender.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And they believe in this kind of—it's a fight between the good and the non-good. And they have this decision-making process called functional decision theory— that comes from some highfalutin, old-school ideological, some kind of left-wing concept about you're not making decisions every day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm butchering this, but it seems one of the layman terms to kind of describe this is that it's very similar to Euronymous in the Batavia series. Okay. Where all decisions are, there's no quantifiable morality that can be put on your decision making. What you're deciding between when you make a decision, you're not deciding between results. You're deciding between strategies to get results.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So the strategies, so all you're caring about is the strategy. You don't really care if the results are good or bad because those things don't matter. They view themselves as double good, which means they view themselves at some kind of form. They said it's extreme altruism. mixed with extreme veganism, which means death to all people that are not vegan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And they also are in the sovereign citizen world, where the goal is to constantly engage in an aggravating way people of low-level authority to the point where violence gets involved. So why did they kill the border agent in Vermont? Was he bringing in moose meat or something? Essentially what happened is that the two people that were pulled over, they were part of this supposed group.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The Zizians. The Zizians. They got pulled over. They had already been tracked. These two people were at a hotel a couple of days before. They looked suspicious. They were dressed all in black, carrying guns around, being really, really... extra looking like Columbine killers, right? Know that if you're going to commit such crimes, if you're wearing that type, people are going to notice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
That sounds right up my alley. It's what you like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love a boring movie. Hey, and welcome to a boring podcast. My name is Henry Zebrowski. This is Side Stories. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. I'm so sad because of all the boring things in my life. I wish that I had more exciting things to do, which is why you know what actually really helps? What helps? Methamphetamine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Well, they're doing it on purpose. They're doing it to be noticed. And so they get told that they got someone from the hotel called the police and said, I'm worried about these people. The hotel manager went to go talk to them. They said they're just staying in town to go look at property that they're going to buy. So the police are already aware of their presence. They get stopped.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it's literally just within the traffic stop that they decide to shoot at these officers. They just pull their guns and start shooting. Oh, okay. Because they just decided that they were being persecuted. And now is the time to begin to shoot. They both got shot. Both suspects were shot. But the cop that got shot died. Did they live? Yes. Well, one of them lived. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Youngblood, who is now going into jail. On the other side of the world, in California, that a man by the name of Lind, who was a landlord who owned this piece of land, had a group of these Zizians live. And what they believe, one of their big concepts, another one, is this... They don't necessarily believe in personal property as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So one of the big ideas... They shouldn't have signed the lease. Of course. The central character of the story is known by the dead name of Jack Lasoda. And what they have put together is a series of, like, from their blog, where they had a blog called Sincereously, where they wrote all of these very, very long-winded theories about rationalism. This whole thing is an AI vegan cult.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But they hate AIs. No. Yes. Well, they believe that AI needs to be risk mitigated. They work in risk management. These are all people. Everybody seems to be involved within the Zizi. They work in risk management, but they're out here killing people. Exactly. But they are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But it's because they believe that there's a war that is going to be happening between the good and the non good, whatever this means. But this Ziz person for a while was living what they called the rationalist fleet. One of their jobs, the concept was we'll live for free on boats in the water, which just didn't work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Boats are very expensive. Money pits.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it costs money to pay. Two best days of having a boat, day you buy it, day you sell it. Amen, brother. And then that was a big problem. And so what happened was that a group of these Zizians, were living in... Every time you say their name, you sound drunk. Zizian. Zizian. Come here, Zizian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I saw you kissing the piano player. But they were living on giant storage boxes, these big, like, what do you call... What are you... They're like... Import. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Storage containers. Containment units. They were living in containment units on this guy's land. During the rent moratorium of 2020 in the California area, he stopped charging them all rent. Once the moratorium ended, the 80-year-old man showed back up to say, hey, I'd like to get rent from you guys now, right? Or you're going to get ejected. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And then they did the ejecting by fucking stabbing him to death. And so they all attacked him. He'd already had run-ins with this group before. Right now, and then another member of the Zizians... God, it's so rare you feel bad for a landlord. Right? And it's like, another member of the Zizians killed their parents. So that's the other, like, two deaths that are floating around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We're trying to figure out exactly how organized they are. But all of this comes from the internet, and all of it's about... being aggressively against anybody that is not in their philosophical system. So when did this all break? Is this new? Or is this like, have they been around for a while now? A couple of years. The thing where it really kicked off is that there was a protest of,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
in the, there was a protest where it first kicked in where the, Ziz is now in jail. There was a protest at this place called the Center for Applied Rationality, which is hilarious because these are all, I also love that all of these reactionary, essentially terrorists and cult members all call themselves rationalists. Oh yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Dude, I spent so long. I almost forgot that it existed. If you want to add some, like a pinch of excitement, smoke meth. Yeah, because the vitamin C just ain't cutting it. It really doesn't. Tell me, chia seeds? Yeah. It is not exciting me at all. I am smoking meth, and I feel vivacious. I am ready for work. I'm productive. I'm having sex with my wife five, six times a day. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Because the idea that it's believing that human intelligence will save us. Yeah. Has the whole world gone crazy when you're the one who's gone crazy? Yes. And then AI will also help us if we properly mitigate the risk. But the this place for center applied rationality was a local kind of outreach about this rationalist thought and.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And Ziz decided, apparently, that they weren't, first of all, weren't being included. Then eventually turned into really histrionic accusations of CIFAR essentially telling them that they were, like, saying that they were attacked by CIFAR. Like, making shit up. Then they did a bad protest at this place during this big meeting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And the way they were dressed, people thought they were there to kill everybody instead of doing a protest because they were dressed all scary and they were holding guns. And so they all got arrested. So they're all currently in jail. Right now, the whole crew is basically in jail. The whole cult's in jail? They're basically all in jail already. Oh, so we don't even need to talk about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Not really. But I would say, if you're interested at all, because you just, you know me. Yeah. The reason why I'm even talking about this is because I love cult systems. I love thoughts in cults. I love the inner workings of cults. And what I love is a new one. Right now, if you go and look it up, you can go and see their entire life. Like they have a whole mission statement that is fascinating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's Zizians.info. And I will say it doesn't make any sense. And if you please, somebody try to explain to me what in the living hell functional decision theory and this idea of hemispherical thought and unhemispheric sleep. That's what they're trying to teach them to sleep with one half of their brains at another. They're also cutting people off from their family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The big thing with Ziz was telling brand new members essentially like your parents don't get you. You need to kill them. Oh, yeah. And, you know, again, whether your parents get you or not, don't kill them. Because when it comes down to them not getting you is why you're cool. Okay? If your parents get you, you're not cool. Or they are. Yeah. And you're real dumb. And that's annoying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
When your parents are cooler than you. I don't even want to think about that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
What that's like. So, up with Riz... Down with this. So go and check it out. Go try to fucking pull this apart. It's just all over the place. I just thought it was a, it's fun to see a baby Colt and also see how, you know what I will say? Truly, these Zoomer Colt leaders, you spend more time outside of your fucking phones.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If you're going to be a Zoomer cult leader, I'm going to be talking to my alphas, my gen alphas fucking cult leaders. You need to get out there and you need to start working on your interpersonal skills. Yeah, meet some people. You can't hold a cult together with blogs alone. It's not how it works. You need to physically control them. I'm not saying to do it. I'm saying what you should do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If you want to be better at being a cult leader, you're going to need to go out there and meet people. I'm sorry. I know you're anxious, but you're going to have to go out there and say hi to people if you want your cult to stick together and eventually be attacked by the fucking ADF. Yeah, and also, you know, we got to work on these outfits. Seriously. This is crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like, you shouldn't at all. If you're not employed, make a costume. Yeah. Make a uniform for your fucking cult. A tie-dye muumuu or some shit. None of you guys are making good shit for the future. No. I want my fucking Order of the Solar Temple, but now. Yeah, I want, like, headbands and shit. Stop killing just randos and just kill yourselves. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The real cult. Just fucking kill yourself. The aliens are coming and you got to kill yourself to meet them. But first, you know, just do something fun with it. Yes. But Zisters of Mayhem would be a better name than Zizians. I love Zisters of Mayhem the band. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love them. So, yeah, go look it up. This person also talked about Roko's Basilisk. I hate philosophy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
How about the men? Are you having sex with them again? Yes. Two, three times a day. Whenever there's a man around me, especially a police officer that I'm trying to score meth from, I'll suck his fucking dick. I'll put his baton in my ass. Yeah, it's great. I love to smoke out of a light bulb with a cop. You really should. You try it. Mm-hmm. You guys smoke teeth at home? You should smoke teeth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I like philosophy because I'm trying to sort of get into it. I've been reading it more, right? I read some Stoicism. I read a little bit of fucking some Sartre. What was that? Sartre. That doesn't mean anything to me. Sartre. You can keep saying it, but you're not really saying anything. Sartre. Side stories, LPOTL, if you know what Henry's saying. Sartre. But I tried to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I tried to read it, and I didn't fully understand it. I've tried to read. I've read some Nietzsche. Nietzsche? Nietzsche? I've read Freddy Nachos. I've read a lot of Freddy Nachos, and I kind of fucking get that, too. So I sort of get it. Yeah. So it's one of those where, how is this helping?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I do think it would be better for, and I've said this, I have a lot of friends on the left wing, fully left wing people that I've talked to, and they all agree with me, which I do think so, is that the language needs to be cleared up, and you need to make it so that we can understand it, because we're all stupid. Okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And just because we're stupid doesn't mean that we don't deserve to be educated. Yes!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So try to help me. Try to reach me. Try to understand me. I guess you can't. I guess you won't. I guess you front. That's how I know my life was out of love, fool. Whoa! The gangster's fucking paradise. Damn, dude. That was wild. Fucking Coolio. R.I.P.P. Hanging with Norbert. Was he alive? No, he's dead. He's dead, yeah. Another one gone too soon. Another Patriot gone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
All right, now, that was my first big story of the week. All hail Ziz. No. No. No, opposite. But, yeah, I just, again, it's just nice to see a left-wing one. You never got one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is good. But the other big story of this week. This one's huge. Again, who's into gooning? Who's doing the gooning? I, it's weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I didn't know what gooning was, and then you explained it to me, and I, like, remembered that I kind of knew what it was. Gooning? You know what I'll say? Back in our day, Eddie and I were saying this before the show. We masturbated with a purpose. That's right, man. We masturbated to cum. I want to see results.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I want to feel and see results to masturbate. If I just wanted to sit and play with dick and balls, I would have been a fucking altar boy. I want to go back and be a priest. But if I just want to sit and play with my hard dick and balls all day, then it's just like, what am I doing? I masturbate to cum. It is fun to play with your dick and balls when it's not hard.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And you just slap it around and scratch it and shit and be like, oh, there it is. Especially when you're sick. It's the best. But still. Used to have a purpose. But these kids found a new way to make gooning have a purpose. Yeah, these guys. Oh, yeah. All right. Gooning. Oh, boy. I do love this term.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Gooning may be this simply defined as the state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session when a man becomes completely hypnotized with a feeling radiating his penis. That's not good. It's not good. Gooning is normally, you get horror, but you don't cum. Do you think it started as a practice to just last longer? No, I just think... They're just bad at jerking off?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I think men are broken, Eddie. Yeah, most of them are. I think that this came from... Have you ever left a comment on a pornography video? Never. Never. These are the people that are doing it. These are the guys with usernames. Yes. Okay, gotcha. This is a very unfortunate story.
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Not that hot. Barely gooned. So sad. Yeah, I almost came. She's so ugly. Now, did you ever see that Martin Scorsese movie, Goon Doon? That's actually a very funny idea for a parody. Yeah, yeah. A three-hour movie about monks not being able to come. It's perfect. We are still holy if we keep it in. Now, this story, obviously, this story starts sad. But then it gets happy. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Don't smoke teeth out in the streets. If you're going to smoke your teeth, smoke them at home. See, I thought you were about to segue into promo for our live shows. Oh, we can. We can. If you want to smoke some teeth with us, we got a big one. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee, baby. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee, baby. Ooh-wee. Won't you let me take you on a city cruise? That's right. Whoa. That's right. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So, a man with the most unusual name of Nautica Malone... That is his Christian name? That is his Christian name. And he went viral for a little video. Now, first, Eddie, I want to show you the video. Now, this was filmed outside of a Tempe, Arizona, what they call a Bikini Beans. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Now, Bikini Beans, for those of you who don't know, it seems to be a kiosk in Boiling Sun where 18-year-olds are in bikinis selling coffee. Hot coffee in bikinis. In bikinis. Seems dangerous. But also, at the same time, fun idea. But also, these poor ladies are fucking just sitting ducks. Yes. And so this man was filmed in the drive-thru of the Bikini Beans.
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And we're going to see right now why this caused a bit of a controversy. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So what you don't see... He has no pants on. He has no pants on and his penis is in his hands. He's driving a very manly car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a Dodge Charger. Now, that's a man by Nautical Malone. Now, what's interesting is that he has a beautiful smile. He seemed very handsome. He's a husband. He's a husband and father.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It also seems that this is a I'm going to say repeated behavior because the barista knew to film the man. So he came up. He showed his penis and he showed that he was touching his penis. The woman that was serving the coffee. He then went and committed suicide. So, Nautica Malone went and blew his brains out. Now, because it went viral.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And his family's going to find out that he's jerking off to the girls. Well, I'll tell you what, buddy. His family, before it went viral, the family went to shame the bikini barista for putting it on the internet. Yes. And she said, your son's a pervert. Then he committed suicide. So they tried to be like, why did you ruin my son's reputation? Your son ruined his own reputation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And they decided to take legal matters in their own hands and provide some civilian justice by putting this guy on blast. They didn't put his name out there. They just showed him. It just went really, really viral. He committed suicide. It was bad for this guy, right? Yes. You think now, end of this sad story. You would think. You'd think. You would think this would be the end of the story. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The children of the internet always win. Yeah. Well, I don't know if they win. No, they're actually all in danger. But what they have figured out is to embrace it, create a new thing. So the gooners of 4chan decided to call. They looked upon this man. This is a group. I don't know what they... I don't know. They were live streaming, though. They live streamed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Man, last night I was watching Mulholland Drive. Ooh. I'm going through it back. Obviously, just the full David Lynch. Yeah. I'm still stuck in it. I watched some Twin Peaks last night. I'm still working on it. It's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. But, man, you just forget just how... Like, sexy, that movie is. I haven't seen it since the theater. That's good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
This is from... They're called the gooners of 4chan? Or they are gooners of 4chan? This is according to Complex Magazine. Okay. They, a group of gooners, arrived at the Bikini Banes and held... a memorial for who they called their goon lord nautica and he called him goon lord hashtag goon lord And they hosted whatever the first ever hashtag Gooneral. Gooneral.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Where they showed pornography in this parking lot in memory of Nautica. And they had t-shirts made up, a memorial Goonelord t-shirts made up. Yeah. And the funeral was promptly broken up in 20 minutes. 20 minutes? By the police. That's a pretty good time. The Gooneral was... I know that none of this is good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But... I will say. Do they call themselves gooners? People who goon? Yes. Yeah. I believe it's goonists. Oh, yeah. That makes it sound aggressive. And they practice goonism. Yes. Goon Lord Memorial only lasted for a short time. But I think for all of us, I think a goon roll is now we very rarely see a novel idea put into the lexicon that can really take off in a good way. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Side stores is hitting the seas. We're going to be a crime wave coming your way on Royal Caribbean. Oh, yes. So we're doing this crime wave. I saw many people say. Tickets go on sale on Friday. Yes, they do. I, many people asked, is this, I thought this was a bit. No. I thought you guys were making this up. No. Go to the Royal Caribbean website.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You got to have a goon roll like there has to be paid admission, you know, because if you just like for the pornography. Yeah. For the pornography. And like you can't do a goon roll out in public. You know, there's got to be, you know, there's got to be like waivers and I guess 18 and over. See, I feel like a goon role, it doesn't have to involve you gooning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's just more all of them understanding that this member of our gooning community is gone. And that pillar, that corner of our gooner world, I can't hear that word. It's like, you know, the clicks of your dog's nails. Yes. It's how comforting that is. Yeah. Yeah. When they're always done, they're walking on the. The sound of. Well, is it that fast or is it just like slowly?
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Let's just face it, Eddie. A lot of these guys can't get hard or come anyway. I think that if you're going to do it, it's going to have to be like a lot of slapping. You got to slap your penis to keep it awake, you know, and then like, you know, I don't know. I've never gooned. I never, I never gooned. I always, you know, shoot to win. You know, I'm on a time. I'm on a time limit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm a results-oriented person. I'm a person that must... Put a clock on it. I'm not wasting my time to not come. That's why I don't even like strip clubs. I love strippers, but I don't like strip clubs. Yes. Because it feels weird to be hard in a public place with friends. Yeah. Well, you don't have to get hard. You can just have fun looking at boobies. But she's touching your ding-dong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You don't have to get a lap dance. You can just sit there and watch. I got a lap dance one time at the Claremont. From a seven-year-old woman. You have to do it at the Claremont. If I ever went to the Claremont, I would have to get a lap dance. we will be going to the Claremont in Atlanta. Yes. When we head there in June. I think that we should go and host an after party at the Claremont.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I think that's a very good idea. Our wives will love it. As someone who worked at Hooters, we would run into this kind of shit sometimes. Like guys would go in the bathroom and start jerking off and shit like that. And we'd have got to kick them out and stuff like that. There was guys that would leave like, you know, like horrible tips for the girls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like they like half a hundred dollar bill or something like that in a room key. You know, like a bunch of horrible human beings. Yeah, that's not cool. And so I think, but like when I look at this Bikini Beans place, it seems like it's worse than Hooters. What? It seems like... You mean to tell me that there are...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yes. That I feel that it would be, do you think that there might be problems? It's so weird because I have to wear, when I worked in the kitchen, I used to have to wear a hairnet. You know, and like a bikini just seems like, ah, you know, they don't got bushes anymore, half of them. I know, but still. But your hairnet, you had hair down to your butt. Yeah, of course you had to have a hairnet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You can buy tickets starting this Friday for crime wave. Yeah. We are providing the comedy. And I mean it. We are going to, Eddie and I have already decided one of our bits. We're going to choose top five women on the boat to push off. And the top five guys who look like they're going to push. Exactly. We are going to have so much fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I wore a hat. I'm just saying everyone had to have a hairnet or something like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Oh, no, not the servers. Yeah. Not on the floor. But they're making coffee. It's just coffee, though. Yes. It's just coffee. It's just coffee. But part of me thinks Hooters has like walls. Hooters has another staff. It's got a bunch of angry chefs. They have health insurance. It has some security.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It has a bunch of stuff where this is just a lone 18-year-old in a bikini. Just waiting to be harassed. Yeah, that is the problem with the Bikini Beans coffees, it seems like. But I also love it, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's like shirts and shorts. This is a bikini. But I also, I like the concept. I do. I like the concept. I think that they should be allowed to make this concept. I don't mind this. I just think that. I think that hiring the age of the women that work there should be a little higher. Yeah, honestly, I'm going to put it this way. If I was a business owner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If I was a business owner of a Bikini Beans, minimum, 35. Oh, yeah. No, that's how you get a real employee. I think a lot of people should, to be honest, if we focus more on the MILF end of this, think about how much more money you'd make. Like oat MILF? Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, no, exactly. Like oat MILFs is fun. Yeah, I like this a lot. I like where you're going with this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like legal. Yeah. And that's crazy legal. And whole milf is what, $50,000?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
yeah yeah i think that because a milf can hold her ground you get a 40 year old woman in there and she's gonna be like you watch your fucking mouth you bastard you know i mean like that's what we need unless that makes them harder than ever before but i just think it's fucked up like first of all these kids don't know how awful they're being or they do know how awful they're being but it's like it's like the goon lord's doing the fucking gooner roll you think it's bad i've
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
What are you talking about? It's like a candlelight vigil for a pervert. First of all, we don't even know that this guy was gooning. We don't even know he's a gooner. Well, he wasn't not gooning. Well, he was. We don't know. He could have been about to come. I didn't see that. If you look at the video again, he's not. He just got to the window. His pants are not there. No, they're not there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I think their hero is a fraud. Yes, I agree. I don't think that Eddie, you're right. And they're modeling themselves off of some guy who committed suicide the moment he gets caught gooning. You know what it is? He should be fucking thankful he got caught if he wants to be their hero. You know what it is? To be honest, it's not about this, man. It's about gooning. Yeah. It's not about Nautica.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's about other gooners coming together and be like, if we could just find a safe place for us to be. It's certainly not the parking lot of a coffee shop. Jizzreel. If we could form Jizzreel. Oh, I like this. For the gooners. Yes. They can go down there to Jizzreel and they can all goon together as a community. Yeah. We'll give them Galveston. Let's give them Galveston.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And I say our hope, honestly, I hope we only lose about 10% of the audience.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If we can section off Galveston, we'll give it to the Goonis. They can sit in there and they can, because again, it's more just don't rub your lifestyle in our face. I don't want it anywhere else. Literally don't rub it in my face. I want you to go down to with Benjamin Nutting Yahoo in Jizzville and just, and then finally, maybe they can come. Nut and yagoo, please. Thank you. I'm sorry.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
yeah to cry because here's the thing like if you want to come and you want to see us this is a vacation you should plan it leaves out of fort lauderdale um go to uh crime wave at c.com slash left to get your tickets on friday um it's from november 3rd to 11th uh to november 7th and i cannot truly stress this enough this is going to be one of the oddest weekends of all of our lives i don't even know why we said yes you've got
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm sorry. I'm not fully, I'm not fully, I'm not fully fluent in Goonish. Well, I wanted to say one thing. I don't think anyone should be going to these bikini bean stores because they do not treat their employees correctly. I just did a brief search.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And then first of all, there's no, the application's all about like your social media and none of it's about, they don't even need to put their age on the application. And there is absolutely no, I just feel like the coffee is suffering. Yeah, well, the coffee's got to be bad. I don't know. Again, we are coming. Five stars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Girls in bikinis serving coffee. Coffee was good. Service was good. Girls were nice. Yes. Brian B. That's Westwood, New Jersey. Arguably a sexist concept, but it seems to be done for what it is, and it's in good fun. Brian even tried to neg it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
He had to basically say, you know what, in the end. Yeah. It's allowed. This is something that if President Eisenhower had looked upon, he'd be like, and that's why we fought the Japanese. That's what our American flags are for. They used to have this horrible concept there at the Bikini Beans. Are you ready for this? They would make you pay for your training.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So if you got trained there, you would then owe them $300 before you ever got a paycheck. Arizona? According to Matt H., I follow Bikini Beans Coffee on Instagram because of their beautiful baristas. I stopped at this business while I was visiting Tempe. Their coffee is very good and the service is friendly. They were a bit slow getting my odor out.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It was great seeing the beautiful ladies and their smiles. I was disappointed when I was unable to get a picture with the girls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They said they couldn't come outside and stay inside the building. Yes. And it's a good rule. Yes, yes. They're like a thing that if we stay in the bulletproof glass, we don't get taken. You know, like, it's just like girls keep getting taken, you know? So, according back to Matt H., if you want to get a picture, they said if you stop by about closing time, you can get a picture with them.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So, a perfect time to stop here would probably be between 9.30 and 10 p.m.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
He couldn't wrap his meaty yelping paws around them. Fucking Indianapolis Matt H. I can't even imagine the sadness inside of the Indianapolis bikini beans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And what that must be like. Because I just feel like the Indianapolis bikini means it just has me working there. That's forescooting if you live there. Hey, you want a red eye or a fucking black eye?
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Gooning in Indianapolis is just jerking off a bratwurst. I can't believe it will not come. Gooning in Indianapolis, I think, is... God, that's my... It's going to be my fucking album. Give us some stories before we get out of here. We've got to run through some stories. If we only get to one, this one I feel like sparks a debate here. A woman used fart selfies to harass a partner's ex. Okay.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, this is interesting. This is interesting. A woman who sent videos of herself passing wind in a series of harassing messages to her boyfriend's ex-partner has been given a community order. That's right. Yeah, she got 12 months of fucking parole for sending fart videos. For sending fart videos. Now, over WhatsApp. Well, this is UK. This is UK.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
This is the UK, so that's a part of it to remember. Yeah, this is definitely the UK. She sent more than three more fart selfies to Debra on WhatsApp on December 22nd, right before Christmas. Maybe that's why. It could have been a gift. People are upset. Four more in the following days. But then one was Boxing Day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
to come to this because I don't know if we're gonna do it again but when you come we're not doing it again I don't know unless it's the funnest thing that we've ever done so you're gonna come out we're going to have a blast and our goal is to bring the true crime to the other two thirds of the boat that doesn't know that there's a true crime cruise happening on their cruise yeah
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At New Year's Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is honestly, you know you got your biggest fucking fart saved up for those days.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Because you've been eating ham. After Christmas dinner. Oh, yeah. Christmas Day, you've been fucking pounding the ham.
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And then you've been drinking fucking, especially in the UK, they're drinking all that beer, too. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the beer shrank.
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runs through a woman so evans was arrested at her home admitted to sending the videos and was given a 12-month community order and fines she suggested she wanted to send videos because she felt her partner was being treated unfairly and said that it was purely malicious she was smirking throughout and found it hilarious but the victim did not find it hilarious
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Yeah, definitely not, because that was the point. She's sending fart videos to her ex, which should be one of the most celebrated, non-invasive way to tell someone to go fuck themselves. It really is like the most innocent way to attack your partner's ex. But we've had this happen a lot, because UK has a different, they really are more concerned with it seems over there.
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They don't like farts as much as we do. Oh, that's not true. You don't think so? You think so? There are just some. This is one thing that you'll discover even more as you research deep into things in the UK. Yeah. The type of horny that a really gross British couple are into. You know what I mean? With the big ears, big crooked noses, horrible fucking Adam's apples, spindly knees. Yes.
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Fucking gray skin. I know how they look.
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Yeah. These guys are fucking, they're eating each other's farts. They're eating each other's shit. Yeah, the nice ones. But I'm saying, they're like, that's a normal couple in some of these smaller towns in the UK, right? Like, that's what they do. Yeah. So farts are like, they've been doing farts forever. Benny Hill, like, Shakespeare. Shakespeare had fart humor.
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Comedy Bears as well had fart humor. Like literally, yes. Shakespeare had plenty of farts. Farts are actually a huge part of the entertainment history of the UK. I'm not even being facetious. No. Which is hilarious to even use the word. Facetious when you're talking about fart culture. And so fart culture, I would never even think to be facetious about fart culture. Yeah. Right?
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And the first fart joke came back from the Sumerians. That's how old fart humor is. The fact that this woman can't freely send. And because in the UK, it seems, when we did the Somerset Gimp and we did a couple other people. They really they have, which I do. I like the idea of the Somerset camp. He would just show up and get stepped on or something. But he would jerk.
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He would rub his genitals in front of people. And in the UK, they take that way more seriously than we do in the United States of America. They take the concept of you breaking my consent by showing me something I don't want to see. Like, in America, we're just used to it. I mean, I feel like I've just seen so many people fucking, I saw a man openly take his shit. I've seen men fucking masturbate.
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I've seen homeless women's open pussy. I've seen all that kind of stuff, right? I heard Matt Gaetz is about to be the surgeon gooner-all.
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They say the first joke ever recorded was a fart joke. Oh, I remember. It's so silly. I mean, that's how you get kids to laugh. It was the Sumerian proverb. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial. A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. Yeah. This woman said that the reason she... I think I actually had an Uber driver say that to me.
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Well, at the time she sent the video, she had some drinks and then she sent them understanding that this has caused the victim some distress. Yeah, she tried to. Yeah, she sent them without malicious intent. Yeah, she did. I think she sent them with malicious intent. Yeah, she sent a fart video to her fucking husband's ex. Why is this that complicated or bad? But I'm still like, I know it's rude.
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We are going to info dump. We are going to go to that karaoke night, which I'm going to probably host, and I'm going to get a hold of that mic, and I'm going to tell everybody about the Black Dahlia. I'm going to tell everybody about Andre Ticatillo. I'm going to ruin the cruise for everyone else for the sake of you. Come and watch us. We're going to have a fucking blast. That's one announcement.
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Yeah. But I don't see the crime. How is this a crime? How is it a crime? I don't see the crime. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Maybe it's harassment? I think people are... Put the ass in harassment? If you could. But you know what? I've had a couple of people even say that they think that Eddie and I take the side of the bully often.
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Only because in my view is I think that over punishing something stupid. I hate red tape. I hate the concept of this is something that very much so could have been sort of handled between y'all. Right. Like you could have been like, hey, stop sending me fart videos or I'm going to come over there and slash your tires or like old school blocker.
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You don't have to watch the fart video. You know what you also could definitely do? And I want to say this to everybody with power. You know what you can do? Close your phone. Yeah. It's on the phone. You're on your phone too much. All you had to do was just not look at the text from your fucking, your ex's new girlfriend. Why are you looking at the text? Don't look at them. Delete them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Don't be involved. Why do so many people want to go back to their exes? Why are people so obsessed with their exes? Move on. Just move the fuck on. If they're going to text you Billy, great. Who cares? I'm getting fucking cornholed by somebody else now. I'm bugging with that golf DJ that you knew that I was going to be with. You're getting cornholed by a golf DJ?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm playing the character of the ex. I think the ex took it too far by bringing it to the police. Of course. By being like, because then what this is all doing is just playing you further into the ex's fucking world. Well, she knew she had her fucking ass in a sling because now she's got to go to 60 days. Because her ass was on the fucking phone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And her ass was in... Honestly, she... And she's... Not to be anything. She looks like she could... Really fart. Yeah. She does look like she has some in her. But she's cute. I like her. She seems nice. This is a creative way to get revenge, even though there's no revenge to get. Why is this a crime?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I don't know why it's a crime, but she has 60 days of alcohol abstinence monitoring and two-year restraining order against the victim. She has to not drink for two years because of the farts? No, a two-year restraining order against the victim, 60 days alcohol abstinence, and 15 rehabilitation sessions. I will say this lady must love that I just looked up her name, Rhiannon Evans Farts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it's just her. Yeah. You know what I mean? That if you type in her name, it's just farts. It's the first thing that comes up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Which is punishment enough. That's punishment enough. Okay? I really do think that the social punishment of her name now being forever tied to the word farts is enough. I mean, I think it's great for her. Of course she was smirking. She was fizzing her and she was shooting herself farting. Yeah. It's funny to do. It is funny. It was on the day after Christmas. It's hilarious. It is funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You got them farting. She didn't have to smell them. Same thing with- It's over the phone. Seriously. You know what? Actually, Eddie, that does bring me to, I actually could further understand if she came and farted on your pants. Or property even. But still, I don't even think it's fine. I think it's fine. I feel like I bring the HOA in. Dude, I had this situation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Tell me what you think about this. I almost got in a fight in the bathroom a couple weeks ago. At work? No, this is a solo bathroom, so I'm going to have to get in a fight with myself. I was about to say, yeah, you shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, I would just be kicking the toilet. I got in a fight. No, but... Fucking and fighting, kissing, tugging. So I'm at a urinal. And I let a big old fart out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Another announcement. Oh, I'm going to host a belly flop contest. Hopefully. I've told them it's one of my demands. We have to get insurance, though. Yes. Oh, really? Apparently. Oh, okay. Just because some people don't know how to properly belly flop. Is there insurance in the middle of the sea? Sure. But yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And the guy next to me looks at me and goes, really? I would deck him in the mouth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We have talked about this on this show. We've already talked about this. This debate is settled. Yeah. You farted the urinal. Yeah. It's a bathroom. It's a bathroom. You can fart at the urinal. I literally looked at him like, where the fuck do you want me to do it? And then he immediately realized he was wrong. Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's first of all, don't talk to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Also, him talking to you is the violation of the urinal code.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The only way you're supposed to talk to each other if you go like... The only thing he ever should have done was nice. Yeah. Exactly. That's what a man is supposed to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You know who's really good at this? Trans men. Yeah. You get them in that fucking bathroom because they can't, like, that's what I like is a hardcore trans man. You can do that thing where you go like, fucking, dude, what the fuck, dude? And they're fucking ready to go. They're farting. They're shitting. They don't give a fuck, dude. They're low down, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They're going to go out there and they're going to fucking fight for you, man. Yeah, man. I got so fucking mad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah. That makes me want to get other cis men out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm farting. I'm farting. We know this, though. But we already know this. Yeah. And the audience knows this. Oh, well, I think we should get to some listener mail. Yeah, let's get to some listener mail, Eddie. There was a podiatrist who got caught jerking off at people, but we don't need it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Well, honestly, the most disgusting thing about the podiatrist was the fact that he was a podiatrist without a license, which I think is what kind of pervert do you have to be to voluntarily be a podiatrist? And then jerking off while you're touching feet all day. Well, it's also the sad part about that. I mean, now we're doing the story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
He got caught because he jerked off in that front window, right? And then the lady called. She's like, I think somebody's jerking off my front window. And then the saddest assignment that a cop had to get, which was then put on duty watching that window and had to watch the man go jerk off at the window, watch him leave, go collect the cum in a little cup to go make sure it's the guy he
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
That's a bad job. That's a shitty day at work. That's a shitty day. That's all your job is. If this guy was a gooner, he would have never got caught.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
see gunas yeah yeah some gunas have a point no material left behind but also i just really i've brought this up last time we talked about a cum bandit um they're not stealing cum they're leaving it don't call them bandits i'm sick of this shit it's because it's not no banditry is happening i'm sick of these people being called cum bandits they are just they are essentially they are mailmen for ejaculate yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
All right. So let's let you write, Eddie. Thank you. So mad. You should. All right. So here we go. Let's talk a little bit about this. I got a couple of go. I got a couple. These two letters in a row that I'm excited about. I was peripherally involved in a UAP incident at Vandenberg Air Force Base in 2003.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I just transferred to Vandenberg Air Force Base as security forces staff sergeant in late October, early November. I was assigned to Delta Flight, which was the night shift. The master sergeant in charge was giving me the tour of all the secured areas before I actually started working. He told me that he needed to stop by the LE desk, which is what we call the police station for the base.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But no, I feel like when you flop into the belly, because this is the problem, truly, about people. A lot of people think they can belly flop, but you've got to be really pretty fat. Oh, there's lots of bloody noses when it comes to the belly flop contest. It's a big part of it. A skinny lady. I've seen a skinny lady belly flop and bounce off the water and go off the pool. Yeah, they skip.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The master sergeant went into his office, and I decided to get to know the two guys working there that night. After a while, they asked if I could watch the office while they stepped out for a smoke. A couple of minutes later, the phone rang. A woman claiming to be a dispatcher with California Highway Patrol was asking me if we had any planes in the air.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I told her that due to security reasons, I couldn't give her that information. She then said that two chips were pulled over on Highway 1, which ran through Vandenberg, and were observing green lights over the base. I immediately thought this was a case of play a prank on the new guy, but the new guy stopped smoking and ran in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They recognized the dispatcher on the phone as one as they have communicated with in the past, so she was legit. After a brief conversation, they laughed off the incident and politely ended the call. Just then, the flight chief darted out of his office and sped off. I was stranded at the LE desk for a few hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Just before sunrise, he returned, saying he had taken eight sworn statements from security forces members across the base who had all seen a, quote, red cube moving silently overhead. That was the last I heard of the incident until yesterday when I saw a program covering the incident on Vice. Yes, which is true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
That it was the cube event. There is a cube event. Is there multiple cube events? Yes. Okay, and cube is a new, this is a new shape to me. Cube's been around. There's been cubes. I know. They're just weird. So it's just like a floating square? It's cube. Or is it like this? It's kind of cube. It's got edges. You keep saying cube, but how many sides? It looks like the one that Rob showed me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
That's not a cube. That looks like a D&D die. Yeah, so that's not a cube. Okay. Okay. So this is a cube. But that also looks like a D&D die. It's because you're seeing it. It's semi-translucent. So as you can see through it, because that's kind of what they're saying, it seems to be sort of like a glass box, a glass cube that has something inside of it. That's mostly what we see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We don't know what the hell that shit is. So cubes are, this is old news, kind of. Yes. All right. But this is new news. This next one's new news. All right, all right. That was a kite. That's found to be a balloon, unfortunately. Now, this one, I think that it's also going to bring on some conversation. All right. Because I really think that this is egregious. You all right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm going to throw up. This week's segment on buffet-related crimes. Oh, please. Reminds me of a crime that I witnessed many years ago. My husband and I were out at our local Chinese buffet enjoying our usual date night dinner after working up a mighty appetite canoeing and swimming all day. I know what that code for is. Yeah, getting canooned. Butt sacks. Yeah. Canooned, canooned, canooned.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Now you've gone too far. I'm trying to figure out a new one. I know. I applaud you. Gooner or later, cum is gonna get ya. Gooner or later, cum is gonna get ya. I eagerly grabbed my plate, ready to slam my holes all full. That's how it says. Oh, okay. And get into the line, ready to load up on some Americanized Chinese goodness.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So again, think about your BMI. That's a big thing there. Make sure you're huge. Yes, please. And we want to also, a little other announcement. If you happen to ever hear a pro-Trump commercial on our show, it is some kind of digital artifact. A lot of times they lie, especially people within the Trump administration.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
To my horror, I saw an enormously fat woman in line directly ahead of me, picking out all the remaining beef out of the beef and broccoli. It's rude, but I have to say it's allowed. It is not. I would be upset. Yeah. It is allowed. Especially out of the broccoli. So you mean to tell me this is a dish? By the name of beef and broccoli.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You don't just get to pick out the meat and leave none for everyone else. Doing that kind of shit in public makes all of us either all of the rest of us fat people look bad. He's correct. Or you lose weight because you're just going to have broccoli. No, but no, it's all covered in the sauce. You're right. Same. Right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I went back to my table with my beef and broccoli-less plate and complained bitterly to my husband. Buffet staff did put out a new tray within 10 minutes, of course. Great. But the damage was done. To this day, the beef and broccoli lady is mentioned in our house when discussing shamelessly gluttonous behavior. Yeah, because that is the truth. Don't let people see it. You know, I get it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
People don't like vegetables. You need to learn to like vegetables. Oh, God. I just got a lecture today. You got to like vegetables. But people don't like vegetables. But you got to mix them in. And you got to at least pretend for other people. Yeah. Pretend for other people. You know what I do think?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It could have been one of those situations where sometimes you're at a Chinese buffet and they will take the food you don't eat and weigh it and charge you. That does happen sometimes. She knew she wasn't going to eat the broccoli and she didn't want to get charged. Well, she should just do something that has no broccoli in it whatsoever. Well, then you need to put out a beef-only dish.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Where's the Mongolian beef? I don't think that was there. There's a beef and broccoli dish. You can just eat some of the broccolis. That's what I think you need to do. She can eat some of the broccoli, but I'm saying I understand where she's coming from. I think this might actually cause some debates. I had stories, LPOTL at gmail.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They do feel like there are people that will say that it's a buffet, you're allowed to pick elements. Yeah. But part of me thinks that... I hate pea shoots. Well, just the concept of you. If there was a chicken and there were pea shoots in there, I would work around the pea shoots, especially if I was able to do it. I'm just locked in by a sense of a supreme food-based embarrassment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like the idea of choosing the ends of the meat that are left would make me, I know that I'm disappointing someone. Yeah. And because I know. But you also are a line cutter. I'm not a line cutter. Yeah, you admitted it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I was absolved by people saying that, no, it's true. On a second swipe through, you can go to the food that you want. Yeah. You were absolved by a bunch of other rude gooners. No. No good guys. Good people. Yeah, people who also cut the line. Places to go. Things to do. People to see. Things to make. Nah, man. Love to make. You're in a buffet. You shouldn't be in a rush if you're in a buffet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, sometimes you have to be because business calls. It is a quick way to get food. It is. Well, just know there's some rules. People say don't double dip. Be respectful with your turn in line. Give the other diner space. Sure. But still, I'm just looking for a break in the... Don't eat in the line. Don't tell me what to do. These rules are wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
This is Google AI. I don't want to listen to Google AI. No. No, you can eat in the line. What? Yeah. No, you can't. Absolutely. That is fucking unsanitary. You really think you can't eat in the buffet line? Well, I have trauma because when I was a child, I got caught eating mushrooms at the Ponderosa right out of the, not mushrooms, marshmallows, right out of the dip.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it was right by the soft serve, and I was just eating the marshmallows, and then I went back to my table. That's terrible. And the guy who the manager came over and he's like, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid of you all have to leave because this child was eating the marshmallows. And then I was like six. What the fuck?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
My father was happy, though, because he got a free meal for all of us. You know, I did not know what I stumbled upon. So do not eat, especially the Ponderosa. I do feel like, yes, I see why you're upset. And why you are upset. Why this story really does ring true for you. Oh my God, the crime wave has a midnight buffet every night. Dude, I'm going to be the fucking king of crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They lie, especially evangelical right people, about what the frame of the ad is. They then sell it on a big group, however they do it, to these digital companies. And then they just put it in without our permission because under no circumstances, Under no uncertain terms, President Trump can absolutely go fuck himself. Go fuck, go eat shit, go suck shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Live every day. There better be some goddamn shrimp on that buffet. You live every day, this Thursday, this Friday, waiting for those tickets to come out for this cruise. And then you are going to love the fact that you have purchased not even two, I'm saying one ticket to the crywaveatsea.com slash laugh this Friday. And then you are going to laugh all night.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Your entire cruise when you're out there because we are going to fucking cause some fucking mayhem on this cruise. But we can only do it if you're there. And I mean this. We don't get more money if we sell more tickets. We're literally on a, there's not even, I mean it. We are literally just doing, I need you to come.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I just remember the little old lady by the dumpster. That's a man, but played by a lady. Oh, okay. But it's labeled as a man. The character is a man, but it's played by the lady that plays the nun. Oh, so I'm kind of right. You are. Yeah, but that's pretty good. 20 year memory. It's pretty good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
There are going to be some normies there who are going to be very upset about what they're seeing us say. It's going to be wonderful. And you're going to love that. And that's why all I'm saying is that, like, so we're not even pushing tickets because we make more money to sell the fucking tickets. We're literally pushing the tickets because I want you there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I want you to see what in the living hell this is going to be. Sinisterhood is also doing it. So that's going to be cool. They're there, and I'm certain they'll be doing a lot of stuff. So we can bring your white wine. You can't bring the white wine. You have to buy what's on the boat. Yeah, and then you bring it to the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Some of these ladies are going to be some intense ladies. We're bringing our wives for protection. I was actually thinking about bringing extra security. You know who I want as the crew from fucking... What's his name? I'm from... Gaddafi. Oh, Gaddafi? His security didn't do a great job, I must say. When he got killed by anal knifing? Yeah, he wasn't a good boss. That's the problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm a great boss. Go to pgi.com slash last podcast and watch me be a great boss on Side Stories. Kane Pixels. Yeah, Kane Pixels is already there. Our interview with that child went great. Yeah, he is so much smarter than all of us. God, he's very intelligent. It was intimidating in a weird way. And talking with him, I felt like I wanted to ask advice of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
In my mind, I'm like, I got to give this kid advice. Then I'm like, what are you talking about? He's fucking directing a movie. He knows everything. He knows everything. He's very, very smart. Go check that out and go to our, on our socials at LP on the left. You can go take it out on a tech doc.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Go help China leg up over on tick tock and go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV to watch our Twitch streams and then go to our YouTube channel where we currently have, honestly, I think our greatest triumph and good putt. Yeah, oh, it was a great episode. I love our episode of the New Year's Eve resolution checkup. Yeah, bad cop, fat cop. Yep, it was really fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And also, tomorrow on Thursday, February 6th, is the Hoopa Goo Goo Game. We're coming back. HGX2, Natalie's going to be on the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We've got Frank Castillo and Mike Lawrence judging. That's going to be so much fun. It's going to be a really great one. And then make sure you check us out on the road. We got February 22nd in Dallas, March 14th in Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium. And then side stories, just Henry and I is going to be in Huntsville on March 16th. We got April 18th, Detroit, May 3rd, Toronto, June 28th, Atlanta.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But that's the last we're going to talk about it because I'm not going to let us become Jimmy Kimmel. We do not want to talk about this motherfucker. We're just forced to talk about it because he keeps invading your beautiful ear holes. We're just letting you know we're working on it. And that man, I can't wait to see his grave. Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The 29th is already sold out for side stories at Dad's Garage. Yep. But we are ready to go. These shows are going to be fucking great. I can't wait. And then we're going to announce some more Florida dates coming up for Side Stories. And I'm doing a full solo stand-up tour, which I'll be announcing next week in Florida in March and in May. So get ready for that if you live in Florida.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's going to be a lot of fun. I love you guys. Yeah, fuckers. Hell yeah. Hail Satan. You know what? Hail Satan again. Thank you. Yeah. And down with the gooners. Hey, man. I say up with the gooners. And why don't you go ahead and come, guys? Yeah, just come, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Here's your permission to come. Just give it a shot once. See how it goes. Just once we can get them. Then we can kind of get their brains back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get rid of one. Because I think you're backed up with all that extra semen. It's making you make some bad decisions. We're supposed to come, guys. You want to get it out of your prostate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You want to be cumming at least 20 times a month for the sake of fucking lowering your prostate. Literally just to lower your state, your possibility of getting prostate cancer. Yeah. So it's fucking goon it for your health. Don't goon it for your health.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The mayonnaise burgers are going to take him down at some point. Very, very soon. And we have another update. Yes, obviously, which I should have pressed you more on last time. What happened? Is that I did know this, but I didn't want to ruin this for you. What? Dogs will eat you when you die. Not all of them. Some do. It has happened. Yes. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But for the most part, cats eat more than dogs eat more. So here we go. This comes from a vet clinic. When you work in an established general practice in an older upper class community, you get to know a lot of the regulars, especially the elderly. They usually have a lot of time on their hands. Their pets are usually seniors, too, and they are their lifeline to the outside world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I don't know what that's like. Yeah. They also like to get small dogs and spoil them so their health problems are abundant. What? We had these three clients that were a pair of sisters in their 80s and one of their daughters in her 60s. Funniest old ladies with the most stereotypical little dogs. Mini poodles. Crusty eyes, awful teeth, and all.
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One day I answered the phone and it's the daughter of one of the older two. Her aunt had been found dead in her apartment the day before and she wanted to schedule an appointment to bring her poodles in for a checkup with the veterinarian ASAP. Her aunt had been deceased for a couple of days at least before someone had checked on her.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And in the time, the dogs, each no more than four kilograms, had eaten most of her face, especially her lips and nose, the tips of her ears. Luckily, the dogs, they were happy, healthy, and never had any health issues stemming from their little snack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The niece, new owner of the dogs, was distraught, and I felt terrible for her, but I will never get the image of those three little dogs cuddling with her while licking her face in the waiting room. Yeah, I would say, you know, that's fine. You know, some poodles, they'll eat you a little bit. You know, and they didn't go hard on her. Not nipple.
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A little lip, some earlobes. It's not what we're really talking about. That's not bad. No, no. No, no, no. I think that's okay. That's fine. All I know is Tootsie has seen a lot of death. Oh, yes. And she hasn't eaten anybody. Well, see, Tootsie's one of those dogs I can imagine, you know, like... She's a picky eater. But after World War II in Russia, they had these massive food shortages.
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It's also I just forget because also forgot that it has like he had published the nine things to remember while watching Mulholland Drive to kind of pull it apart a little bit better. And it's great. I forgot like, oh, the movie actually makes a lot more sense than people say. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. I'm sure I won't have any idea what's going on. You will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And she was there. Yes. Yes. And I think that Tootsie would have done very well in the cannibal runs of post-World War II Russia, where the people were forced to eat the sickest child of the neighborhood and eat all the dogs and eat all the cats. I could see Tootsie there being on the right side, quote-unquote, of history, being like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah. She could do that. She knows how to survive. Yes. I know that at least one dog, a couple dogs have eaten their owners after they died. I'm just saying as a whole, all cats do it. Most dogs don't. Yes. I'm sticking to my guns on this. Sure. You're allowed. You're allowed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But I also want to bring something up to you that I brought up to you when I was venting to you about our veterinary experience because we also just went to the vet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And I thought it was really funny. So our little dog, Wendy, right, she's got her fucking little mohawk. Yeah. Died purple because we're a childless couple with extra money and we don't care, right? And so what we did was that we're sitting there with Wendy and this lady, the most typical L.A. woman I've ever seen. How old, if you don't mind me asking? Anywhere from 25 to 60. Oh, okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's a big gap. You know that type of L.A. woman?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
She could be any one of those ages and looks great for any one of those decades. An Ellen Barkin type. Yes. Put emphasis on the barking. This bitch was. And so what she did was she asked us, she saw us that we had dyed the hair of Wendy. And she said, oh, oh my God, who did that? And we're like, oh, we have this little, we go to this little spa for the dog.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You know, we take her as a groomer or whatever. That's nice. Yes. And she was like, I was wondering if they do a procedure. So my dog's face is getting so gray. Uh-huh. Can we just dye her face like black so that she can look young again? And we're just sitting there looking at this woman. And my first thing is so like... This is your vet? This is my vet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
No, this is the... And the vet's... This is in the lobby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If it was your vet, that would be... But then she looked at me. And so my problem is, and I don't want to joke, I was like, well... The thing is, it's that, yeah, honestly, with her, we were trying to get her face re-dyed because, obviously, she's so old. I don't know what to do with her. And we've been trying to figure out. What I asked our groomers if we could get her some filler. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Up in here, we get some filler. This woman did not react to me. Did not react. Like, almost seemed curious. Yeah. And then we just moved on. Natalie, you want to go? We go in the vet. We go inside of the vet. Imagine a dog with big, beautiful lips. That's all I thought about. I thought it was fun. I go into the vet. We're talking about all this stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
She's like, is there anything else you want to do for Wendy? I make the same joke. I go in there and I say to the vet, yes, I know it's funny. She didn't laugh, but I'm sitting here. So I say to the vet, she was sitting there in a moment of silence and I was like, Let me tell you, do you have a do you recommend anybody that does like local that does dog filler?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Because obviously, Wendy is just not super hot anymore. And so but the vet did not react. Right. And she said. Yeah, I guess you got one, too. My husband's a comedian as well. And Natalie was like, yeah, yeah, he is a comedian. And I'm sitting here. I am one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I promise you, especially once the movies come out. Then you're like, those are movies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Did you start telling her your credits? No. Did you tell her about the SNL thing? I stayed in silence because I have class. I stayed in silence.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Do you know how I was shamed at a high level? Do you know? But no, no. Yeah, that's a little, that's just, you know, what you get to, that's what you can get to experience if you go to a vet in Los Angeles. Well, you know, one thing that I've learned and the reason why I asked you about your vet's age is I'm very ageist when it comes to vets. You've talked about this. I don't want no young vet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You're like, oh, and I know what that is. Lost Highway made almost no sense. Lost Highway makes far less sense than Mulholland Drive. Yeah. But I think that. There's a sliver of sense. I viewed Lost Highway as his most pop savvy film because his soundtrack got so big. Well, that was a huge soundtrack. It was a huge soundtrack where Mulholland Drive is his best movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I know. I like a young, I like 50 and over. That's what I said. For vets, 50 and over. Otherwise, they ain't seen the shit. They don't know what's going on. But sometimes they're just like, kill it. That's what the young ones have always telling me to kill it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And the old ones are like, see what he's got. Well, Tootsie's almost can fucking buy alcohol. I'm talking about Rambo. Bunch of kids were like, kill him. He's dead. Who? These guys at the emergency vet a year ago. Well, again, they just don't want to deal with it. Exactly. And then the old timers are like, ah, see what happens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They don't want their daughters. to show up and so kill it. That's what I'm saying. Old vets, good. Young vets, work on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We're going to get so many emails. We have so many.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Show up to work. I'm pro young, able veterinarians. We need them. I'm pro if you want to actually show up to work and do your goddamn job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They're like, oh, I got a family. My kid's got a game. I got stuff to get to. No, you work till 8. Let's get to some news. Okay. Because I already feel it. I already feel the waves. I want the hate. I know. I know. It's called engagement.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
was so lucky to stumble upon this story. We've had many people send this story in as well, but I will say this is one of the toughest to decipher stories. Okay. I've had to pull apart in a minute and it doesn't largely make sense, but we are at the very beginning of this. And the only reason why I even wanted to kind of broach it with our peoples was because it's interesting. It's unique.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We haven't seen something like this yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
for sure. And it's in our wheelhouse, and I just want to track this story for a while and see where it goes. So this is a... It's very confusing, so just try to follow along with me. Alright. This involves... Are you talking to them or me? The humans on the show. I never talk to you. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So this involves... a cult. Now, they call themselves, I guess they've known themselves, they kind of claim themselves as a group called the Zizians. Fuck yeah, man. Which was built upon... Zipped in on some ziz or... There's nothing cool about this. Really. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like, literally, like, the only thing that is sort of cool about it is the fact it's the first hyper, like, hyper, hyper left wing, it's a, what they call extreme vegan, trans death cult. Really? Do vegans murder? Well, these guys believe in extreme veganism. They also believe in a system of thought that is so fucking stupid and academic that all it does is confuse people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it's why people have a hard time with left-wing ideology in the first place. Okay. It's a bunch of word salad that never mind when a cult leader gets involved with it, it makes it even deeper word salad and convinces a bunch of vulnerable people in the most vulnerable place possible, especially in mid-transition.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
okay which is so good and then blue velvet's wonderful but it's the most understandable movie i feel like a blue velvet yes except for the straight story but it's not for me that's fine a lot of people i do i'm glad to see how many things he can straight story is a children's movie right he made a pg movie for disney that was extremely straightforward that was very well lit and acted it's just painfully boring oh i can't wait
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah, and they also, they also got loose laws with just locking people up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah. It's not like anyone can get canceled when they're already in prison.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
It's so weird because when you get obsessed with things, I think you love these people, but then when you actually start talking about them, you just start screaming and get all red-faced.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Are you sad that you're getting older? Are you sad because you're sick? Are you sad because you're fat?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Oh, man. Well, too drunk to fuck is not an argument, Diddy. I'm very sorry, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Take notes, Zelinsky. Come on. Oh, yeah. No, but I think, man, who would be the saddest person involved in Diddy's crimes? I get Biggie's mom.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
That's really sad. That would be the saddest one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
It's very cool. It's very cool. There was, you know, this is a bad segue, but speaking of sexual assault in New York. This bad segue. It's a bad segue, but it is a fact. There was a man...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Oh, well, I mean, lots of people take the subway a lot. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
We're bleeped. Yeah, we probably shouldn't say I'd fuck my wife's lifeless body.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Well, Henry. Oh, me? Happy birthday week. That's me. It's your birthday this week. Oh, yeah. You're so excited. You look great. You look great. You don't look a day over 41. I'm 41.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
It was cool. We had a 420 Easter party. You didn't come. No. But there were children there, so we didn't smoke as much. But I smoked in the front yard. Good. None of those are my children. No, fuck them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
And if they want me to talk to them. I got to be high.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
A fifth egg was found by a man and his granddaughter at Winston Park the following day, and they brought it to police station.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
They tried to really make this guy look like a criminal, but he's just got kindness in his heart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Oh, he fucked up. It was in a drug-free zone too close to a school.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Well, you teased the Florida thing, but you didn't tell people where to go. Fort Lauderdale, on the 7th, we're doing side stories at the Fort Lauderdale Improv. And on the 8th, we're going to be Orlando at the Funny Bone with the first show sold out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah. Oh, honestly, I was very impressed by him. That's a great flight attendant. And then I was like, hey, man. I ratted her out. I was like, she was getting hammered at the bar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah, so if you're in Orlando, come. Fort Lauderdale still has some tickets. And then also, I'm going to be solo in Naples on May 6th, and the entire weekend in Key West from May 9th to 11th. Let's get into some updates. First off, we got footage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yes, it really does help. It really helps not think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
But he also got in this huge fight in prison and they had to remove him from being around other inmates. Yes. And so he wasn't allowed to be around other inmates, but still...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Well, yeah, because you have to be in a loony bin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Now, I wanted to touch on this real quick, just because we talked about Lori, and there's a lot of stuff going on with our Mormon talks. Ben's doing a lot of Mormon talk and stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
But so obviously Utah, home of most Mormons, right? 80% of Mormon population. Yeah, pretty much. Apparently, I found this on Fark. I love Fark. Love Fark. First cousins can legally get married in Utah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
You can only get married to your first cousin in Utah if both parties are over the age of 65.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
But, yes, the miner in Utah will need a parent or a legal guardian to sign...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
She wants to change it to a minor can only get married if the age gap is seven to four years. So they can marry a 23-year-old with a signed permission slip.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
I got an engagement party on the 17th. Do you think I could blow it off? My cousin Mitchell and Melody, they're going to get married and they want me to come to a pool party for their engagement. Fuck that boring ass shit. You know, they're very cute and they're very nice. They bought me a coffee maker recently for almost no reason. Suckers. But the cleanest butthole. In Michigan. Let's see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Maybe, I know it's not in the Damakong Sioux. Who's that? A defensive lineman. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
He's Sir Barry Gordy, one of the most innocent people. Never did anything wrong. Not a single wrong. Not a one thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah, like they had no living room. They would just perform in it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Oh, okay. So we could have a, what's his name again? The guy who lied all the time? Which one? We did two updates on him that are coming out soon. The confession killer. Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah, me too. I think I gave it to you. You did. When we recorded the last podcast on the left, because you got sick and Marcus didn't, because I sit closer to you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
That's the new hotness. That's the hot new realness.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Oh, no. Oh, because he's got a lot of stuff to steal. That's fine. He's laying on his back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
I hate goose. They got big shits and dogs eat the shits. I hate goose. I hate geese. My mom hated goose. Yeah, I hate the goose.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
I am so overwhelmed with the support I've received over the years that I just want to say thank you all, you dirty fucks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
oh my god that's so nice oh yeah you fucking take that eclair oh yeah yeah birthday boy yeah you take it it's got dookie on top and it's got cum in the middle of it yeah you fucking love your eclair oh fuck yeah oh yeah how far can you get it in oh that's not far but you know it's enough Oh, wow. Wow, you're really, you've eaten two-thirds of this thing already.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
I didn't think you really were going to have any of it, and now it's almost gone. I went from aroused to jealous to sick. You know I like porters. Happy birthday, ma'am. Happy birthday to you. Yes. Oh, yeah. God, it's all gone. That's a fully clear down as a brow. Not even a fucking threat of a laugh. Not even. I thought it'd be like a goose.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah, so it's Henry's birthday. Let him know. Say happy birthday online. Let him know. Send some pudding to the studio.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah, buy tickets to the Fort Lauderdale show. We're coming, baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yes. And if you like this show, it's nothing like it. But you guys will love the Foreign Report. It's actually important. It's seen as one of the smartest people I've ever met. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yes, it's very, very good. So check out their YouTube channel, Foreign Report, on YouTube. Go subscribe and all that shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
I can't believe I'm fostering a dog right before this event.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah, no dogs in space is going to be there. They're going to talk about dog songs, I guess.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Yeah, Flipper committed suicide on Henry's birthday. So always remember that. And happy birthday, Henry. One less dolphin. One less hat. One less sad dolphin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
He'd be different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was just dragging ass. Hell, yeah. Happy birthday, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Oh, yeah, yeah. And the people in Alabama who took their... They were supposed to spread their mother's ashes, but they just took the urn and threw it off a pier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Hail Satan. And I'll see you all in hell. Hail you, buddy. Happy birthday. Thank you, buddy. I'll see you in hell. Great. Fucking piece of shit. Fuck us all. I'm gonna die here. I love you, Julie. I love you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
We're friends with benefits. She just sits around without like fucking, she doesn't have a job. She's just collecting social security.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
With your cough, you're a little bit of a wheezer yourself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The R Train
Is her last name, is it Susan? Yeah. Lazel Susan. That's funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
High five to each of you. Love, Julie. So we're going to still... They're going to keep posting Norbert. Yeah, that's what they're saying. I'm going to follow. You unfollowed? Yeah. I'm following. You know, there's nothing better. Norbert is dead. I know, but there's more. If you wanted to pretend. There's more content coming. If they wanted to pretend. They're not pretending. They said he's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It's one or the other. You don't think they should post anymore? No, this is a macabre exhibition.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You think there should be no more photos of David Lynch? Should we just take all of his work and throw it in the trash because he's dead? David Lynch, was it famous for being cute? Yeah, I mean, he was pretty cute. But David Lynch, was it? Look at this. No one did this for David Lynch. No one wrote, oh, here's the David Lynch flower pen. I think there is. I bet there is a David Lynch flower pen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
David Lynch knee-high socks. I don't see those.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I will tell you the truth, though, Eddie, is that due to some of their budget cuts, they already got fucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Of course they exist. It's just different when I view it. Oh, the 2025 calendar sold out. Sold out really quick. Wow. You remember when August Ames, the porn star, committed suicide? Yes. I kind of feel the same way, where I just still just... But Norbert didn't commit suicide. No, but it's like it. In a way, he gave up. He gave up on us. He didn't give up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
All he had to do was not die. That's all he had to do. Jimmy Carter waited around for a long fucking time. I think you have an unrealistic view on how long dogs will live. I'm grieving, and my grief will appear as it will. If you want to be a fan of dogs, no, they're going to die. I know. Oh, I know. All right, I just don't want to think about it until the last possible minute.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Or are you going to get new dogs? Opposite. You're going to get bigger dogs. New dog that day. Oh, that day. That day. The first visit to the vet to meet the executioner, and the second visit is going to the pound. So it's one in and out. That's what I'm doing. No emotional. I need the emotional snapback. Yeah. Okay? I will not grieve properly. I refuse to, and I don't want to. I find it weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
All right, so August Ames, when she committed suicide. Now, when everyone's in a blue moon, my penis has an inkling. To see her and remember her. Do you still watch? Of course. But then right afterwards, you start thinking about her family. Well, it's just the saddest thing in the world. And then you are just jerking off to a dead woman. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And you know, obviously in porn, most of the time I consider most of these ladies are probably dead by the time I'm seeing it. You know, most of the time they've got this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But we love you, but we do like you. If you want to come, just message us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I'm saying the old ones. She was sad. I'm saying the ones from my generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They're like professional wrestlers. Yes, it's a hard life. What about Anna Nicole Smith? Are you done with her? Well, she just kind of makes me sad. But she's a star. I don't do it all the time, Eddie. Every once in a blue moon, you'll just see a snippet. You'll just see a thing that reminds you of that. Two big melons. I think it's amazing that you get nostalgic while you jerk off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
No, it's before. While I'm jerking off, I am a fucking serial killer. No emotion is in there. In the two minutes, 40 seconds it takes me to come while I'm jerking off, I am incorruptible. I don't exist. There is no me. I am something else. I am a third thing. A devil. And an angel. Cannot be reasoned with. Immediately afterwards, it's like, aww. Well, it's always 17 for the calendar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But we don't like you. Hey, perfect. Honestly, that was great, Eddie. We do need to plug more up top.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The problem is that you just see her smiling. Maybe she has some particulate matter on her face, and then you think like, oh, now she's fucking dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because I was going to say Norbert's probably a guy. Yeah, I don't ever jerk off to him. Yeah. Take all his names off the thing. Take it off. I can't look at her. I can't look at her. I'm getting sad. Just looking at her, I'm getting sad. You shouldn't be learning their names. You got to. Of course you do. I like their work. I like their art. I like their work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, yeah, sometimes, but every once in a while, if I'm alone... You know, if I could be in a hotel room, you know, whatever. You've all heard it. You've all fucking heard this before from countless comedians. So let's talk about some news, some real news. Shout out to the very alive Norbert Barker. I know, but it's a larger dog, so we got less time with it. So get your time with it now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He's very cute. All right. So if you want to be with him now, do it now. And he likes that old lady, and that old lady likes him. Yes. Good. Good. But I'm a following. I'm done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
All right, so are we going to talk about any actual news today? Yes, we have to. Okay. There's still plenty of show. Yeah, and there's not much news. No, no, no, no, no, no. We are still, we're going to be suffering a little bit from a political vacuum for a little bit. Can you believe that Norbert's dead? Unbelievable. I'll talk about it more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We were supposed to do, we did a guest spot on a big podcast yesterday where we had a bunch of content we were supposed to talk about. And all I wanted to talk about was Norbert. The guy wanted nothing. Yeah. Had nothing to do with him. All we really wanted to talk about was Paul Prudhomme. Yeah. Oh, yes. And Norbert. I love Paul Prudhomme.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I met him before he died, and I still jerk off to his image as much as possible. As you should. He deserves it. His spice combinations cannot be beat. We'll save it for our nutmeg-based show later this week. Thank you, Eddie. You're right, because we do have a lot of nutmeg information to go through that we will be covering this week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
First, I want to cover, you know, United States of America ain't the only ones that are pretty far ahead along in the game of domestic terrorism. Okay. These Canadians, you're figuring it out, but just like they do. Like, you know, I'm not one of these people. We don't want, I don't want you, Canada. You know what I mean? We want you to stay over there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because they don't sit there and they don't listen. But Ed, guess what? They're going to ask anyway. Yes. I know, and that's okay. And I want them to. I want them to know. Come see us live. It's a lot of fun. The show's better than ever. Please do. Come see us live. But before that, you're listening to Side Stories. And I am Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I want you over there just because you deserve your own country. You don't need to be here. You should get rid of that queen, as far as I'm concerned. They have a queen? Well, they got, I mean, king. They have to go pay attention to King Charles. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for the next 15 minutes that he's still alive, they have to pay attention to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
So, but guys, we don't... His tongue's sticking out of his mouth. Oh, yeah. Hold my head while I sign these papers. They have now, they're going to do King Charles knee-high socks. Oh. And King Charles doggy biscuits. But now Canada, they're catching up to us, but only in the most Canadian way, which is it's not quite violent enough, guys. You're going to have to ship up or ship out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This was the police. They've cleared the W.R. Bennett Bridge. They reopened it to traffic after the Royal Mounted Police News. They saw a suspected vehicle, an ice cream truck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Was parked blocking the entire bridge. Now, they first didn't know what happened. They didn't know what it was. It was blocking a bunch of traffic. But then a Facebook post came out with the Canadian patriot, Roy Winner. Okay. Who posted explaining there were explosives inside that ice cream truck. And you're only safe if you stay 50 feet back. Because I control it from far away.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because now they are looking at it. This all came out over the weekend. So it was sitting there. They first closed the bridge at 345 a.m. because it happened in the middle of the night. So that's another one he really was trying to avoid violence. Nothing happened yet. The guy that was, I do think it's funny, the head investigator for this, the name of, his name is Gerbel. Inspector Chris Gerbel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Which is the first, I didn't know they allowed that name. Of the Germany Goebbels? I guess so. Well, he's the Canadian Goebbels. Oh, okay. So they were like, oh, well, you know, you better think about maybe the fact that fascism is going to save all of us, you know. It's Canadian gerbils. And so they went and they figured it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But the message is really wanted to come into because they, so again, it's Canada. So this is in the town of Kelowna. Kelowna. Okay. Which I believe is in, I forget which one of these fucking places. Kelowna. It's in British Columbia. So this guy, Roy Winter, they have been trying to obviously hide his truths from us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because they're really afraid that his manifesto will radicalize people. Very similar to Luigi Mangione's. Did you read his manifesto? Of course I did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Manifestos are one of my favorite things. You know, that's what you can replace Norbert with. Oh, my manifestos. Yeah, yeah. And then I can write mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finally. Finally. All right. So Roy Winter, I will be live streaming this action to bring public attention to a necessary evil. When you see this email, this action has commenced.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
If for some reason this doesn't make the news, you might want to question why. And it's because the RCMP are going to try to bury everything and all the evidence to go along with it while protecting the Hells Angels, Kelowna Cabs, and willing participants from public attention. Whether you believe it or not, this story is 100% truthful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Thank you, seriously. Fervent enthusiasm is the style option of that sales pitch, and I'm proud of that. I'm proud of our energy. I'll take it down a notch now. No, you did a good job. Henry, I'm so sad. No, I can't have this. This is worse. I'd rather the rage. My pillow is soaked with tears. I'm going to beat you until you're happy again. Oh, please beat me. I know, now you're coming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Just so everyone is fully aware of the fact that the Attorney General of Canada, Arif Farhani's office has had a complete copy of all the evidence delivered by Canada Post to 284 Wellington Street on January 17, 2025, 10.57 a.m.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
First, I would not apologize to everyone who suffers because of my actions here today, but you can ultimately thank the RCMP, the Hells Angels, Kelowna Cabs, and willing participants for putting me in this predicament. The William R. Bennett Bridge is closed in both directions until this matter is resolved and my life restored with restitution.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I am accusing the RCMP, especially Sergeant Bryce Peterson, the Hills Angels, Kelowna Cabs, and willing participants for conspiracy, collaboration, corruption, crookedness, while intentionally causing me irreversible financial harm.
Last Podcast On The Left
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What's going on? Are they back officially? Remember in Australia they talked about the bikies? The bikies. They definitely got a bikie problem there. They have a biker problem. And Canada does still have a Hells Angels problem.
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But he has now a bunch of rules of what people are allowed to do around him. He said the emergency vehicles are allowed to pass him. As long as they got their sirens on. And he says, choice A. You got two choices. Choice A. You'll see that my vehicle has got 60 pounds of highly volatile material that requires nothing more than a stupid human to make a simple mistake and regret their decision.
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Choice A is that today a safe distance from my vehicle is approximately 50 feet. Choice B is that I will introduce you to God at the same time I introduce myself. So he's just sitting in an ice cream truck on a bridge saying that he's going to blow it all up. And then they are letting traffic resume. It's very Canadian.
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They won't even dare to shoot me. They won't even try to arrest me. And so he's really angry. Would you drive past it? Yeah, sure. I'd give him a honk. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, he could just let it off at any moment. I want a chocolate double scoop. Why wouldn't they just, and they won't kill him because they don't want the bridge to blow up? That's Canada.
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And so they went, they're very, very cautious in Canada. And I think largely they didn't believe him because they didn't know what was going on. Because they found out that the, matter of fact, they safely went through the entire truck. Basically, the manifesto, long and short, this is much longer than I even want it to be, that they gave him tickets he didn't like. Yeah.
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And then he went to fight him. With the Hells Angels? Yep. And won in court. And then, so he won. Very similar to our Killdozer. Battle winners. He also was apparently involved in some kind of assault with what he said was a Hells Angel. And he was trying to save the town from this Hells Angel. And that the police protected the Hells Angel.
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Oh, so he just attacked some guy because he was wearing a biker's cut. He doesn't like motorcycles. Yeah. I think they scare him. I think it's because ice cream trucks are really slow. The ice cream trucks and motorcycles are enemies. I would say that they are definitely enemies. So they went and they got him. The explosive unit, they arrived. They're stationed on the bridge.
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Now you're just going to start coming. But first of all, that's one rollback. Second rollback, we want to say thank you to the nice emails I received from Lindsay Shookus. Hey! Our old friend! Our good buddy! Saturday Night Live addiction. Obviously, she said that it was edited around her. She's a lovely lady. Some of you made your feelings known about her.
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This was back in the day. Um, and, uh, the active commissioner, they said they went through the, yes, the risk assessment of the vehicle's contents was finally found coupled with the man's comments over both the phone and online resulted in both the Southeast district's emergency response team and the RCMP explosive disposal being deployed.
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And, uh, they said they did not elaborate on the contents of the van, but said they pose a significant risk to public safety. So what that means is that there was nothing in there, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was nothing in that van. And he lied. And they didn't want to admit that. No. Because they definitely would have said it was a bomb. Yeah. They absolutely would have said it was a bomb.
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Yeah. No, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he started a fire in the van. He was parking it across the bridge. That's got to be hard. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what nobody tells you. He said, all the ice cream melts in milk. You know what melts in ice cream? He's like, no one says. It's like water. It's not like diesel fuel, which can put out flames. That's the thing.
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I'm Mr. Softy! You're not Mr. Softy. If you think you're the ice cream man, then this conversation has to end. Mr. Softy's a brand. And you work for Mr. Softy. He has ice cream for a head. It's not you. But yeah, when you live on an ice cream truck, I mean, life is crazy. I know, I do agree. It's also, I mean, an ice cream truck in Canada in the middle of winter... I mean, this guy's got problems.
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Useless. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, he just needs something to do. Strike trying to sell ketchup to a lady with white gloves. That's right, man. That's right. Why are you doing that? I don't know. I don't know why they even say that. Because you're Brian Dennehy. Yep. That's right. Oh, yeah. Tommy boy. So that's that story. That's really all we got.
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Canada's not releasing a heck of a lot about this because of the fact that there was probably no bomb in there. He caused a public nuisance and was then arrested. And the perfect Canadian domestic terrorist vent because nothing happened. That's what they're really good at. Canada has a thing that I find interesting. There were no animals involved, which is un-Canadian. Very un-Canadian.
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I have found that Canada has distinctly very intense laws about planning crimes versus doing them. Like, there is a big story that they... I forget the hell her name is. There was a shooter... That they got them, they gave them life sentences on just planning the shooting. Oh, really? Without doing the shooting, which is fascinating in and of itself because technically it's hard because it's...
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What is planning crimes? The Valentine's Day shooting planning. Lindsay Sivanaranth, this lady, was a U.S. woman sentenced to life for, but it was just to plot the shooting. And what they say is that if you put up a bunch of, like, she came into Canada from America. They said that once she crossed the border, then it shows the intent. And then they went, and I believe that they had a gun.
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But the thing is, then when you listen to, which is a last podcast on the left thing, though, which a lot of people don't say, that's what it says here. Rosinski, according to the police, Justice Peter Rosinski, they said if the plan to kill unsuspecting shoppers had not been interrupted by an anonymous tip and the quick actions of local police, it would have been carried out. But it was still...
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I'm going to say that it was still pretty far from when it was carried out. And if you were to kind of see their correspondence now, like, yes, obviously they take these mass shootings extremely seriously, as we all do, but there's a little bit of... This could just be two morons talking.
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The impression she gave on the Saturday Night Live documentary, on her personal social media accounts. She says, thank you. Please leave me alone. The notes were received. Yes, she says, thank you.
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A crime. Well, it's also in Canada. They say that idea of the threatening. Yeah. The sentence was partly shaped, according to Rosinski again, by the principles that apply to terrorism. While he told the court the motivations and intentions in the case are not precisely the same as those related to terrorism activities.
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He said the crime requires the court to send a clear message to those conspiring to kill multiple people that they will pay a heavy price. Now, that's interesting because they do the exact opposite of what we do in our country. We don't like labeling things as terrorism. Unless, of course, they're Luigi Manzioni and they actually inspire a bunch of people. Then that's very quickly terrorism. Yeah.
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So that they can, even though they don't understand, it's kind of the opposite. It wasn't quickly terrorism. It was like a week. They debated whether it was terrorism or not. No, but it was a real quick debate. Yeah, it was a real quick debate.
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a creative thing that you want to do, dude, put it in a screenplay and then it's legal. There's literally no, I feel like it's just one of those. There's, there is no right and wrong. I guess the moment you buy a gun, that's what they're saying. Yeah. The moment you buy a gun, it changes, but still, and I'm in an American justice.
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And for, I would consider if we, if, when we have those things, it does make sense to me that you can still make the decision to not pull that trigger up until the moment. You pull that trigger. Like, to me, it comes into once you get into it tempted, then you have a disaster on your hands. But you'd be surprised. I actually just watched another.
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But she is, honestly, she sent a lovely email, and she specifically said one of the nicest things I have heard, which she says, Lauren told this to everybody and drilled it into our heads all these years. Anybody that stepped foot on 8-H for that audition is funny. And that's like, it doesn't really matter. Like, nothing. That is... They never asked me. No. And it shows.
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It was an interrogation series of these two teen mass shooters that one of them, obviously, the one said they were the aggressor. Right. One said that they were aggressor. And the others said that they were not the aggressor, but when they went deeper into it, they could see that it was kind of the opposite. And it was like, that one was like, the kids, though.
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were really hesitant into the very, very, very last minute. Yeah. And then the first killing happened, they pulled out a gun, the other kids immediately wrestled the gun away, tried to wrestle the gun away from him, and he shot the first person, but he didn't shoot anybody else. Okay. But, There's something. To me, that's where the line is. Yeah. They brought the school. But it's hard.
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Of course. Well, then I think about, well, you know, we suffered. I've suffered, unfortunately, two very dangerous stalkers. And part of that issue with stalkers is the same thing. You really can't do anything about it until they fucking kill you and your family. Because they're just saying, like, it's a free world and they can technically harass you.
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As much as they want, especially if you're a public figure in that way. So it's one of those where it's kind of all over the place. I have no fucking idea. I don't know. I feel that this is because in America, we also a lot of times we do the not entrapment, but we help radicalized people. Yes. We do that in order to stop. Yes. To stop them.
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We show up and give them all the gear and say, hey, meet us here. And then we arrest them. Yeah. So I don't know. I have no idea what the right answer is. And that's working for us because nothing bad happens. That's the thing, Eddie. Because the best part about it, and then what they do, it's like they set up a terrorist event that they then stop. And then they go, see? Yeah. See what we did?
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They do catch some people. Of course they do. The NYPD talks about... I remember I was talking to somebody about the idea that if you knew how much shit floats through the NYPD halls in terms of information and what happens there, they're like, you'd never sleep ever again.
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Like, yeah, thank you. And then think about how many times we carried props. On the subway that looked just like that. Taped up fake guns and shit.
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Just like how many problems we cause just being artists. Well, this next story that I want to talk about is actually related to the subject we're talking about, which this happened in Texas.
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And really, really fucking shows. So I want to say thank you.
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It's obviously the Bible verse, Revelations. Oh, yeah, I got it. Yeah, it's awesome. It's fucking metal. It is metal. I will say that. And I saw the angel coming down out of heaven, having the keys to the abyss and holding in his hand a great chain. He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years.
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He threw him into the abyss and locked and sealed it over him to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were ended. After that, he must be set free for a short time. Yes.
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Never let them forget, friend. Always scare them, sir. Yes, see, they all right. The devil is coming, and he is your neighbor, and he is going to tell the HOA that your lawn is too big. Yes. He's coming for you. And so she called the cops, filled out a police report, but no crime was actually committed. There is no crime. It's not even really a threat. It's art in a weird way.
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And Eddie, you did a very good job. Thank you for supporting me last week. I love you. You're a good friend, and I love you as well.
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Technically, that's what everybody likes in this country. That's evangelicalism. That's literally spreading the word of Christ. Yeah. So the cops are like, we wrote it down, but... There's nothing we can do. And she's like, I hope that they catch the guy. Why? But there's nothing to catch. What if there's nothing to catch? Yeah. It's a fun guy having a fun time.
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I bet you that guy's not even Christian. And she said that. I bet you that guy's just high as balls. Oh, yeah. Having a great night. And guess what this guy just fucking gave me? Henry Zebrowski. What? idea? Yeah, of what to do on the weekend. Oh, yeah. This is exactly what I want to do. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Am I bothering you? Am I scaring you? Side stories at LPOTL at gmail.com.
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Please email in. Yeah, well, she posted about it on social media, and it got a lot of traction, a lot of attention.
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It's awesome. But a lot of people said that they would shoot the person. That they would just kill them, which if you do this, you'll spend the rest of your life in prison. If you shoot somebody over something fake like this. You're very fucking stupid. And you deserve whatever happens to you. Do you look at this as a threat? I mean, in a way it's a threat, but not really.
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Do you want to know my actual theory on this one? If this happened to you, what would you do? It'd be awesome. Just like, do you want to come in and have tea? Yeah, but hey, how you doing, buddy? You know what my actual theory is? What? She did this. Whoa. She made this all up. Oh, wow. And all of these entire things are ruse. Well, there's obviously a man in the hoodie.
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So she can't possibly have ever met a man that would do this for her? Well, she was with her husband at the... So a man and a wife have never met another man to share their wife with? Well... They've never once had a big old, big old guy come over and rail the living F out of your wife while you're sitting there going, next time fucking Greg will respect me.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Next time when he sees how big a dick my wife can take. Yeah, take it all, Cindy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And once he comes, they're like, you want to do something fun? Let's get some cardboard. You know what would be interesting? Look at the time of the ring video and the time of the purchase of the Powerball ticket. See if they line up. Well, you see, this is what I'm saying.
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This is what the cops would need to do. But the cops also don't care because there's no crime. They couldn't possibly give a fucking shit. They don't care about this at all. Because I can guarantee they looked at this and also said, probably, you did this. Yeah.
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Please do not attack people on our behalves. We're doing it ourselves on the show. Unless, of course, they themselves are bad. Yes. Right? Because I feel like that's the thing. Engagement is good. Yeah, engagement is good.
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That you did this to have this go viral so that everyone can think that you're being persecuted for whatever your Christian beliefs or whatever is happening when it's actually not. Yeah, I think the goat mask is... It's stupid. It's not a good one. No. It could be a little dumber. No, it's a stupid goat mask. It's not even that evil looking. It's just red. It's sort of like a devil mask.
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I'm saying... That this is a homebrewed issue, and this woman is doing this to us. Oh, all right. And that that guy's fake. Okay. That's my fucking call. But it's in Dallas, so we can go check it out when we're in town. Oh, yeah, on February 22nd. We got to get this guy to come to the show. Yeah, yeah. Reveal yourself at our show, please. I would love to have that.
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Honestly, the real hero here is the goat-faced... Man. The mask maker. If the mask maker could reach out to SideStoriesLPOTL at gmail.com, we would love to talk about the end times. I mean, the mask maker is from China. China. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's different. Yeah, we'll meet the nine-year-old that made that plastic mask.
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There's nothing I would like to hear about the crimes that that nine-year-old has seen working inside of the Halloween mask factories of China.
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Um... There is a fun story from my hometown. What did you want to talk about? First, I want to talk about the fact that this egg has arrived again.
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There's another egg. Well, you know, the eggs, the price still hasn't gone down. No. Oh, it's almost like Eddie, I don't know if he even had a plan to bring the prices of groceries down. Eddie, I don't even think that there might even not even been a plan, Eddie.
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No, Eddie. That's funny. That's funny, Eddie. What a funny joke. 4chan leak, Antarctica egg. Oh, it's Antarctica. I don't know why I thought it was in Alaska. So show this video. Now, this comes from our favorite reputable news source, 4chan. There has been another released video. Oh, the post was removed. The other main post from Reddit was removed. Wow. But this one is not.
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So as you can see, you remember last week I showed you a video of what looked like an egg on a stick? Yes. This is the same, but it looks far more elaborate. This one is a new one. Same thing. They believe that this was recovered outside of Antarctica, and it was an ancient object.
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This is a part of this, whatever this leak series is, where you see what is supposed to be some either, I don't know what they call the dick of a helicopter, whatever. What do they call it that pops out of the bottom? What's the red rocket of a helicopter? The cockter. Something like that, yeah. You got a thing hanging from that and you got the fucking egg hanging from that.
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Hey, I got a compliment out of it. Yeah, you did get a compliment out of it. I'll take it. So, thank you guys. Another update. Oh, yeah, we got a big one. Can we play the funeral dirge?
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It looks better than the other one. Am I looking at two things or one thing here? You're looking at two things. You see that thing dangling and swinging? Yes, that's the egg. That is the egg-like UFO. But what is below it? The red rocket of the helicopter. It is never the hanging penis out of the bottom of a helicopter that hangs a piece of rope that is holding whatever that egg is. Hold on.
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Am I looking at this from the ground perspective or from the sky perspective? Imagine a helicopter is. Okay, this is a helicopter. It's the camera and the helicopter on the floor. You're doing it this way. All right, I'm a helicopter. You see me how I'm a helicopter?
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You see how my arms are going like the rotors of a helicopter? Yeah, well, they're just going back and forth. Well, this is as far as they can go. You see how they're like a helicopter? Sure. Right?
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My penis is hanging down, right? In this position, my penis is hanging down. Yeah. That's what we're looking from. Imagine I'm a helicopter and you're a little man hanging out of my belly button looking over my dick and balls to the floor. Like a POV. Yes. But it does look like the sky is behind the egg. That's a mountain range. That's a mountain range. If that is real. But these are trees here.
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Well, that's a mountain range with fucking trees on it, Eddie. This video is garbage. That's what I'm saying. It's worse.
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I actually think, I do think that this one is better than the other one. I miss the drones. We all do.
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This egg stuff I don't really even understand. It's just all over my UFO stuff. This egg stuff is new. Ross Colhart's got another guy, so this is also interesting. A guy that he was talking to, again, is he full of shit? I have no fucking clue. So this big issue, right, with whistleblowers, that Ross Colhart was talking to David Grush, and David Grush kept saying...
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That he was just talking about things other guys told him they saw. But I thought Grush was reliable. No. Well, his position was reliable. But he said in his quote-unquote honesty, I am describing things other people said they saw. Okay. But Ross Colhart's got a new guy, Jacob Barber. Who has said he has seen these things himself. Okay. He's a new guy. He says he's worked for the past 30 years.
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He's worked in both official and unofficial capacities for the U.S. government. He says he wants to tell people what's going on, what he's seen. According to the Russ Colhart, this is brand new. He's an unknown man. He delivered. This is brand new. And he says...
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Last week, I just got to stop talking about these things. Yeah. All right, because... D-I-R-G, the funeral dirge. Because last week, we brought up... Is this a funeral dirge? That's awesome. Yeah. This is a requiem for Katrina? Is that the hurricane? Yeah.
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We're in this rare opportunity in human history where it's very clear that we know that there are things flying in the sky that are unexplained and understood. And that there's another one of the things that I'm uniquely providing information on. And he says that he saw the aliens himself. He said it's kind of crazy. This is it. Yeah. This guy was a guy named John Blitch.
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He said everything changed on September 11th. I left the Air Force. A lot of shit changed. Yeah, thanks for the update. Yeah, buddy. No way. I left the Air Force and was sent out to California at that time to begin establishing my cover bases as an independent contractor so that I could serve. What was coming down the line next for me was the path which led to the UAP subject.
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A lot of the work we did was what I call the range, where the U.S. government and its private partners used to test all kinds of things, weapon systems and resilience to weapon systems of certain craft. And so you see a lot of exciting things, said Barber. But then he started to see strange things. It's always interesting out there, he said. Things come in and out of sight.
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Things disappear for a moment and reappear. Things seem to move very quickly. Things change color. They change shape. And then we're talking about Oprah Winfrey. Whoa!
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And so John Barber, he also said, Jacob Barber also said, he said, we know that they classified craft and we recovered them and we took them back where they go. They went to a place. He said, we picked them up. He said, they recovered things, quote unquote, exotic in nature. And he said, he's got his first glimpse of non-human pretty quickly. He said, I saw an egg. It was a white egg.
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There was no engine. There was no thermal signature. I was operating at night when I finally came in to pick it up. So I'm working under night vision goggles at the time, and it was quite clear. I flipped them up, flipped them down, and looked at it a couple of different ways. And it was an egg. Metallica, pearly white.
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He said, I can tell you that the reaction by my team, we all knew we were dealing with something strange. They said it was weird. They didn't know what it was. And it had hieroglyphics on its side.
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He said, and then he went to go drop off the egg. He said, but there was another object when he dropped off the first egg. A basket. It was a giant bunny. One was the egg. The other was what I called an eight-gon. The eight-gon was essentially a flying disc with what looked like eight delineated sections when looking down.
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And I can tell you what it looked like from looking down because that's primarily how I saw it because I'm a helicopter pilot. We did recoveries with the eight-gons. There was more than one that made its way to the ground on this particular operation.
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And as I started getting closer to the site, he said one of the most profound experiences of his life, last time he picked up an eight gun, he said, I started feeling odd. I started feeling extremely emotional. And the closer I got, the more the emotions started to overwhelm me. I felt this intense hybrid of sadness and happiness and beauty and song.
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And it was very disruptive to me because I had a very practical responsibility at the time to operate a helicopter in the mountains at night. And I began wondering, what the hell is wrong with me? I felt something had connected with me. I felt like something had tuned into me and my soul and was providing me some sense of guidance on what to do and how profound what I was doing was.
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It was so overwhelming that I began to cry. It was very feminine energy. She said the UFOs were talking to him. This guy. But what's wrong? This fucking guy. Yeah, I know.
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That guy is. You remember they said about the sheer sign of a sociopath is if you see the entire whites above the pupils? Yes. He's one of those guys. No, for sure. Oh, yeah. He definitely looks like an egg.
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I mean, why is that bad? It's actually, they say this to the day, truly it is... Leave it at home? They shouldn't be emotional. They should not be emotional. They should be, you know that the, one of the, you know the old, like, and we're cruising at 10,000 feet. Like that voice, like that voice was a constant, what was apparently was an impression of Chuck Yeager.
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Chuck Yeager was considered to be one of the biggest icons of all pilots. He broke the sound barrier. He did all this shit. But the thing was, unflappable. No emotions. No personality. And that's what they look for in astronauts. That's why a lot of astronauts are test pilots. Yeah. Never interview an astronaut. They are boring. Yeah.
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They don't really got a lot to say except the one guy with the mustache. He just opens different things in space and goes, look how that floats. Yeah. I love that guy. We all love that guy. We all love that guy. But I'm saying that's what space is. Yeah. Like, it's scary. The first... I imagine... It sounds like what's scary.
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It's like what they talk about with space is apparently it's just terror mixed with... Unbearable boredom. Have you thought about going? I would never go to space. You're obsessed with space. I will go to space when there is a proper private way to go to space. Really? Oh, they don't want me up there. Lance Bass goes all the time. Yeah, it's because he's one light a ball. So he's fine up there.
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He doesn't need it. I got two. I got two big ones, right? Lance Bass lost some of his balls, right? I have no idea. Didn't he have testicular cancer? I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Lance Bass has testicular cancer. Tell me. That's my vocal warm-up. Lance Bass had testicular cancer. Last Bats. Oh, he doesn't have cancer. No, no, he's okay. Whatever, dude. What a bitch. He's got diabetes. He's got type 1.5 diabetes? I never even heard of that. It's called the fucking remake. And arthritis. Yeah, dude. All right, so he's cool. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Norbert the tiny dog is dead. Dead! Now, I brought it up last week talking about my issues with social media dogs and their representation in the media. Norbert the little dog, as I said, was one of the only things that held my precious psyche together in some of the hardest moments of my life. So as of Monday of last week, they had posted a little thing. Norbert the dog. Little tiny dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
As long as he's got that betas, I like him. I only like him sick. Well, do I have time for my fat man from home? Oh, you got to. You got to, because the listener letters were not that very good this week. No offense. No, in terms of what we want to talk about, the ones I got... Or I'm going to use for other purposes. Yeah, yeah. They go in other directions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Oh, except the big one that I will say, which is... I'll just throw it out there. There was no such thing as a Roman salute. Yeah, we know that. Yeah, but we did not... But the idea that even the concept of the Roman salute, there was no such thing. No, it was created in movies. But it was first created in paintings. Then... reiterated by pop culture and things featuring Romans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But there are no statues with Roman salutes. None. There's nothing like that. None of the artists from back in the day. It is a wholly Nazi invention. Yes. And they really like it. Yeah. And all the Nazis are very happy about the South Africans Nazi salute. Oh, they love that Elon Musk is a Nazi. They really love it. They really like that. Yeah. It's good for them. It's good for his constituency.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Okay, so let's first break this down. Number one, it was an irate move. You know a man's fat when his face hides his ears. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I have never seen someone's face fat cover that much of their ears. It is weird that... That is a wild face. His cheeks are thicker than his neck and the top of his head. His... And he is a lawyer. His whole goatee area could fit inside of a large woman's pussy. Yes. That's how small it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
When they say that the other slimmer man, like they constantly talk about this. Being like, we could just like, also you could just say two guys. But it's like they obviously wanted to point out how fat the first man was. So they had to just say large man and slimmer man. Yes. I like this story a lot because it happened less than a mile from my high school.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And it concerns a thing to us, which is meat lines at buffets. Buffet crimes. Yes. So, okay. I'm of two minds here, Eddie. I agree with the man, but I feel like you took it too far. I'm in two. Let me, okay. Let me ask. All right, Eddie. Rob, you're a former real fat boy, and you were a fat boy, Eddie. And I feel like we can commiserate on this. Oh, so big. Oh, so big. Oh, bring me my chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Sorry, I'm doing my whale performance. Where's my Oscar? Where's my chicken? Yeah, I love the cock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You're telling me last week of this man's life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It sounded like my lover's farts. I missed that guy. Tell me what happened to Brendan Fraser. So, are there lines in... Okay, let me just put this this way. Are there actual, literal lines to follow in a buffet when a buffet is two-sided? Okay, if a buffet is two-sided, and you can have equal access, is there such a thing and a need for a linear line of... To approach the buffet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Now, when you say it's two-sided, is it two lines that lead to a middle?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because sometimes it's the same stuff in two lines that meet in the middle and go out. Or, another caveat to this, yes, are lines even necessary? Or two, right? You've already been one round. You've already done the entire thing. Must you wait? online to get to the specific food that you want for doubles. I think if you've already been there, you definitely have to wait in line. Yes. Why though?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You're just getting one specific food. But not everyone has gotten their one specific food so far. So you have to wait till they all get their food and then you can get more food. In outside of the buffet world, in outside of the buffet world, you're right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Little tongue sticking out of its mouth. Beady eyes. Yeah. Can't think. No brain. Right? My favorite kind of dog. Oh, the best. Petrified. Stupid. Cute. how I hope to be when I'm old.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Inside the buffet world, this is an equal opportunity zone. Yeah. You know, like this is a buffet. There's going to be enough for all of us unless they specifically say that there's going to be a limited amount. That I can understand they're being aligned for, but they're going to be hush puppies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They're going to come back with more hush puppies. They're going to come back with more mac and cheese. There must be order. Or it might just be chaos. There must be order. Yeah. I'm not saying you have to wait for everyone to finish, but you need to get back in line. See, this is the heart of this story because it comes down to, is there a bigger crime than cutting the line?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We don't know if he's on seconds, though. We don't know. I imagine because of his violence, it was first. You're talking about Fat Man was on his first. Yes. So you're saying when the father broke into the line, cut in line in front of him with the daughter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You know, in a way, in a way that makes him kind of classy. Because if you're going to be in a Boca buffet and you're going to, at least he could have hit the girls. He could have hit the girls. I'm not saying he should have. I'm saying he could have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And if I was manager of the buffet, I'd have to actually sit and listen to the man and say, well, they did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I mean, first of all, you're just saying, yeah. He is prime rib. Yes, because I know the laws of the jungle. Yeah. Right? Yeah. He eats first. Absolutely. He's got to eat. Yeah, the little girls don't know. No. No, they don't know. They're just having a good time. But can I say that this may be a good opportunity for them to learn? I mean, they did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And so Norbert the dog was listed as safe from coming out of the, he went to the hospital and they said his, all of his signs are looking well and maybe his kidney markers were slightly up, but they said he was doing really well and they posted a bunch of videos of him eating in the hospital and like, oh look, Norbert's back to his old self. 12 hours later, he's dead. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This is a really good learning opportunity for them in this high-stakes buffet scenario because this guy took it to the proper level. Obviously, you might say, yes, he didn't need to physically beat the man, right? No. He didn't have to break plates over his head like he was Bluto from Popeye. He was like, I'm not going to hit these girls. Where is their father at? There was sense here. Maybe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You know what I think is that we don't know that there's old beef. I mean, are you saying? Besides at the fucking buffet. Shots fired, Bocalado Country Club off of Boca Rio Road. Lake Mouth Prime Rib Buffet. Yeah. Well, you know, it's a golf course, you know, and there's a golf course across the street that we used to always break into and throw parties at.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And then the father, to be honest, needs to best the other man in hand-to-hand combat for respect of his daughters. Yeah. So in a way, I feel like even at a wedding, that makes it even more of an essential human fight. He was cut. No one is saying this man was not cut. He's a victim here. A type of victim. A type.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Hey, I think in all of this story, it's like if he hit the daughters, I'd be saying much different stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And this is when Mark walked up to him with a plate and hit the victim in the head with the plate. Never turn your back on a giant hungry bastard. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The witness said, We ain't done here yet. I still see you got my fucking short wrap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He could have been in from out of town. This might not be a Floridian. It could just happen in Florida. Actually, you might be right. Yeah. And that's why I think it's important before your weddings to solve a lot of your, try to squash your stuff. Yeah. Right before you get in there and let it play out. Yeah. Also, Boca Rio Road, you're going to love this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Why this is interesting is because they found the van, but apparently it was a bunch of kids that went missing in the 60s, and then a fisherman found the van. So they were dead in there? They were dead in there for like 40 years. That's awesome! See, there you go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Fucking dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. Those dog hospitals, they're not the best always. Well, the thing about them is... You would like to think a star like Norbert would get proper care. You would, but it seems that they get the same health care as us, whatever you could afford. You got to see his last meal. I am... So angry. As a fan, that's pretty cool. But I now, I need new rules.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
That's awesome! Wow! Yeah! That's like Mike Myers. Was it the one where it's like the maniacs on the bus? Oh, yeah, 10,000 Maniacs? No, it was another movie. It was another movie. It had a bunch of guys, crazy guys on a bus. Oh, I love a bus. They died anyway. Well, we got to wrap this up. We do have to get out of here, unfortunately. We got to wrap up today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You know, live every day knowing that you keep your head in the swivel at a buffet. Move it along, people. Yeah, move it along. Do not cut huge men at buffets. We all love the buffet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Love yourself and love the buffet environment by following the rules, but also move in a timely manner. Because then you can laugh your way back to your seat with your hush puppies, with your finely sliced roast beef, with your mac and cheese. Because what you've done here is followed the rules and created a society. But you also chose your food in a timely manner that moved us all along.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This isn't fucking a three-star Michelin restaurant, okay? We don't need to peruse all of the stations. You can come back to it. It's a buffet. You're going to want to do this in multiples.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We're going to twitch.tv slash lpotv and go to thelastpodcast.com. Yeah, we're going to talk about the back room, so you can check it out there. Love you guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You're allowed to, but I normally don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Imagine being able to see Dom DeLuise's last meal. That would be incredible. I saw James Gandolfini's last meal, and that will always inspire me. But beloved famous dog Norbert passes away. I do believe it was death by hanging. Yeah. Doing autoerotic asphyxiation, which is super sad that Norbert couldn't find love that he couldn't buy. You know what? I'm going to like the post. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes, please do. But I now have rules. Okay. I have unfollowed the other dogs. Whoa. Yeah. I'm out of the game. Come on, dude. I'm out of the game. What? These dogs don't deserve love? No. Because Norbert's dead? No, because they're temporary. Because Norbert let you down? Yes. Norbert was 15. Norbert was 100 years old in dog years. I want rules in place, okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Us fucking stupid-ass center-left liberals, right? We love regulations, except, of course, when it comes down to air quality, because we're all fucking experts out here. Yeah. But we... So these guys... But I want some regulations on social media pets, and this is it, all right? This is what I want. Number one, you either...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Bring your Catholics. We're going to spank them. And then... I would actually prefer if you left them home. March 14th. Unless they're buying tickets. Ryman Auditorium. Nashville.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
live forever in perpetuity, serving the ghost of that animal as if it is alive. Forever. So that animal... You know, there's like 10 Benjis. Yes. You know? If Norbert the dog is there, I want you to pretend that Norbert the dog is fine. Yeah, that's what they did with Flipper. I don't want the reality. That's not why I'm following Norbert. I'm following Norbert to have my soul uplifted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But, okay, yes, in this cruel, very stark memorial post that they made, the 2009 to 2025 tombstone memorial that they put up. No. What's beautiful about this, Eddie? He's not amongst his friends. He's not on the other side of the rainbow bridge. His friends are these two human hands holding him up. But, dude, that Norbert is in hell right now. Like, that picture. Doll dogs go to heaven, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Not Norbert. Norbert? You think Norbert went to hell? He helped people when they needed him most. He was failed. I look at Norbert and I see the eyes of a thing that has been compromised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And I look at him, and I see this memorial tombstone, 2009 to 2025, underneath him. They didn't even try to zhuzh it up. There's no harps. There's no clouds. There's no angels. There's nothing. What's going on with their stories? There's no Jimmy Carter happily opening his lap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
That's another fan post. Oh, it's a fan post. That's not from the official Instagram. So that's my rule one. My rule one is either. Where's your Norbert post? Mine? Norbert did so much for you. The second Norbert is dead, the second I don't have to give the humans that are making money off of Norbert's soul that money anymore. All right? Unless. You didn't give them any money. I didn't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But my time, which is worth money. And then if you look at this, right, so rule one is either, and so it's one or the other. It is either it lives in perpetuity. We do not address the mortality of the animal. We move forward. You're attracted to tiny, shaking, dying dogs. Yes, and I want them to exist in that way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And then rule two is if not, the day Norbert is dead, there needs and must be the next post. And here's Nippers. Norbert, yeah. But there needs to be brand new dog, new talent on the roster. Just change the name of the account, everything. Done. Or Norbert the dog, RIP, parentheses. Slowly but surely, Nippers is filling a lot of the content out, obviously, because Nippers is the new dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You will slowly ingratiate Nippers to the audience. Hopefully, if you've done your research correctly, Nippers is pretty close to the OG one, and then Nippers can go and have its tongue sliding out. Just the fact that it's like, because look at it right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
That happens to a lot of small dogs. It's adorable. Yes, it's extremely adorable. And technically, you could get the same effect by very expertly removing several teeth. Flopping out of your mouth. You just got to get rid of some of these side rail teeth. That's going to be the new Zoomer trend. Yeah, that dumb shit. Yeah, yeah, bleps. Yeah, yeah, kids doing toothless bleps.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It was. And we're turning it back into one. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Nothing would make me, that would be cuter. Certainly better than all the fucking Nazism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Dogs don't pass away. Dogs die. Dogs fucking die. Okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
What? It's better than fucking dying in the end zone being spiked after it fucking made the quarter of the fucking touchdown or whatever. Unbelievable. I unfollowed all the other cute animals, except for Cheddarini. Who's Cheddarini? I'm not even going to bring them up. Super close to death because you like them? I'm not going to bring up Cheddarini. Cheddarini? Yeah, Cheddarini's a good guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He's going to be dead soon. No, he's got at least four years. Also, my sweet, sweet friend that runs... Oh, my, look at this boy. And also, my sweet, sweet friend that runs Puppy Songs. Both of those dogs died, too. The Puppy Songs people died? Yes. Not the people. No, the people live on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes. Just skip ahead a little bit past the drums. Let's get to the horns. The Puppy Songs guys died too. Yes. And I want to say big ups to Mel. I want to say his name was Ding Dong. Mel Ding Dong. Yeah, I remember him. No, it was Mel and Snepet. Snepet Ding Dong. You really inspired many cute songs about the cheese tacks. Oh, the cheese tacks is them? They're dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, you mean the intellectual property rights of the song. Yes. I wonder if they, I mean, they need to really cut that. Now that they've got time, they don't have to watch all these dogs. They can really hit the studio with that cheese tax. I love you guys, and I'm so sorry you lost your dogs. I joke because mine are next. Mine have been next for years, though. Well, that's why you're numb.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, I am numb because I'm just like, Tootsie, she's got the night terrors. She's actively keeping you awake, and they're acting. Effectively dying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She puked four times last night just walking around. Oh, that's why she looks so good. So skinny. She is thin. Yeah, yeah. But no, no. Same. I have two elderly dogs. No, I have one elderly dog and the other one waiting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Jackie asked me on a double date earlier and then I said, can I bring my dogs because I know they're going to die soon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And then, of course, side stories. Huntsville. You know my favorite city. Oh, those Nassau folks. You can't keep me out of Huntsville. Fucking space nerd pieces of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Nothing sets the tone of a double date better. Nothing sets one better than bringing your mid-death 17-year-old dog. Tootsie's fine. Tootsie just looks sort of like she's seeing all the people she's going to see on the other side. She done been seeing them people, man. But I feel the same way with my father.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Same way, where I'm just kind of numb to the fact that we've been kind of saying he's going to be dead for so long that even my father is sitting around going like, wasn't I supposed to be dead? Like, literally, he said that. He's like, I thought I was supposed to be dead already. We're like, no, Dad. No, it doesn't work like that. He's like, eh, well. Tootsie's walking around. She's like, Kathy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Kathy? Where's Kathy? No, no, and you're like, well, that's cute, though. It is cute. That's cute and sad. Every time she starts barking at me, though, I'm like, am I dying? Because, you know, she sees it. Well, yeah, you ever hear those stories about, like, there was one famous story about a cat that would choose people in a nursing home? Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It would go lay at the feet of the person, and then they'd be like, oh, the cat loves it. Yeah. And then they fucking die. You know what they say about that is if you die in front of your cat and people don't find you, your cat will eat you. But if you die in front of your dog, your dog will not eat you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
No, well, I've heard, you know, that's one of those kind of reddity, we don't know what's real or what's not real. Sometimes they say, too, that a dog will keep the people from getting to the body. Yes, the famous case of the cat named Oscar who worked at a nursing home in Rhode Island. Seemed to have an uncanny ability to predict when residents were about to die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I'm surprised no one tried to kill the cat. I would. Yeah. Oh, no. If that cat showed up at my feet, I'd be like, get the hell out of here, you feline bastard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
You just went like, yeah, you fucking bet. Yeah, man. Yeah, you fucking bet I'll lay that fucking pipe. I'm going to turn that bitch out. Yeah, you bring her out here. Once you go Robert, you don't go backward. That's right, man. She's going to need more stitches when I'm done with her. Yeah, I'm going to fuck her. I'm going to make her mouth open.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
My name is Henry Zebrowski. You have great thighs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
She is beautiful. I'm not saying anything that she's not. She's gorgeous. I'm saying she's mediocre. I think she's talented and beautiful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I'm sorry. I wish you were still there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
What? Hey, mister. Have you ever used a shotgun?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
But mister, have you ever used it on the ocean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
That's the funnest day I've ever had ever since I was let out of the orphanage for killing all the teachers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Yeah, I want to see its guts. Shoot it in the dick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
She died in 97. Oh, she died in 97? Yeah. Oh. Well, then who gives... Yeah, who fucking cares? All right, so I just want to talk about this briefly, but Lyle Menendez. Oh, we'll talk about this slightly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Wow, we are really happy Thanksgiving. I just postponed my dentist appointment. Hey, you better get back... Dr. Rees. If you have any extra dental dams.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
21-year-old. How did this even happen? Now he's divorcing her and he's going to marry the 21-year-old friend. From prison! Hey, it's from prison. Men are dogs. That's all it shows, that men are fucking dogs, dude. Lyle Menendez has a Facebook post that says, guys, this is not a cheating scandal. Oh, it's not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is he on Facebook? I think it's his girlfriend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
It is from his wife. Lyle and I have been separated for a while now, but remain best friends and family. You weren't divorced yet. That's technically cheating. I continue to run his Facebook page with input from him, and I'm forever committed to the enduring fight for Lyle and Eric's freedom. It has been so evident for so many years.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
And she ends it by saying, I will never stop fighting for them. Please continue to join us in this fight. It's not you anymore, lady.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I mean, hopefully she was finally like, I need to fuck a human. We've been together for so long. You don't think they didn't have an arrangement? They had to have had some kind of arrangement.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
It just shows you can shoot your mother in the face with a shotgun. Still. And two women will love you from prison. That is just like, you can do anything. Bars in hell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Well this is their imprisonment. Prison, not jail, first of all. No, it should be to, yes. If this whole rehabilitation thing is supposed to work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I don't want to be cut. I don't think it's only going to happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
That's not what I want. You're not going to get the cum gutters. I just want to be smaller. Slightly smaller and harder. Yes, as you're like, should we have, what should our second meat be?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
You got them on the mouth or you got them on your south mouth? fucking wrap it up. Wrap it up. I heard if you just throw it like a frisbee, it just attaches. Sticks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
It's Thanksgiving. You're doing great, buddy. Fuck you. You're doing great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Yeah, what happened exactly? This came out right when Investigation Alien popped up, and I started watching that, and then I couldn't even concentrate on whatever this huge development in... Well, they talk about this as if... Court case or something?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Oh, well, I don't go that far. That's for R. Kelly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
That one. Do you think this is them trying to put God into aliens by calling it immaculate constellation?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Then it would be coming from the earth instead of the sky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Definitely at least nine plays. No, I mean, let's go on seven plays. If we could.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
This is why I hate this shit. It's all these promises for my entire life. Yes. Promises.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
We are going to be in Brooklyn next week. King's Theater. King's Theater on December 7th. Last podcast on the left. It's going to be so much fun. That place is gigantic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
We've sold 2,000 tickets, and there's still so many tickets. So if you're there, come hang out. It's going to be wild.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Now, why doesn't we have, like, I don't know, Snowden or Julian Assange or Anonymous fucking hack it and find this shit? Because it's—
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
But also, we're going to be here in L.A. on the 21st of December. Welcome. Come see Classy Night Out. It's going to be a lot of fun. I got some good bookings.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I like him. All right. So what else is going on? Do we have any more updates? Those are all our updates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Man, I used to love the Daily Mail. I still do. It's where I used to get my trash, but they've gotten pretty evil lately. It's pretty bad, yeah. That's what's good about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
We got a stacked show. We really do. We're going to have to combine acts or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Oh, my God. Oh, yes. Yeah, there were lacerations two inches deep on his ribcage and signs of asphyxiation. He also had several round bruises on the back of his head, as well as several curved puncture wounds. Sounds like that's what happened. I mean, you've got to be careful. It was a small, it was like more of a hatchet. It was an ice pickaxe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Or for hiking, maybe. Maybe. Either way. Either way, she used it. She seems nice, but not anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Yeah, so that's why I'm telling you, go get some White... What is it? White thorn rose?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
And the last one, last one is January 11th. We're going to be in Atlanta at the Coca-Cola Roxy. I can't wait for that show. I've never been to Atlanta other than to see Tom Petty, and he's fucking dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Right before Thanksgiving. Every time. Just do it right at the table, too. Fuck be like, fuck y'all. As soon as they start talking about Trump, just literally pull out a bowl or like just a bong right at the Thanksgiving table. Or you can just buy an ice axe at the fucking hardware store. One or the other. And then put them next to each other.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
It's good days, bad days everywhere you go. Oh, yeah, but she is fucked. Oh, yeah, she's fucked. Don't murder anybody. Just wait four years.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Wow. Her wife is an editor at Condé Nast's transgender news website, Them. Fancy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I'm going to say that more often. There's another irrational murder in the news. A woman in Virginia, upset over a botched pizza order, got her husband to allegedly stab and disembowel a worker who was arguing with her about it. This is important, guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
See, I give a lot of, I don't know. You see, that helps.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
By the way, a lot of people hit me up and said, you're full of shit about the varsity. They are wrong themselves. They said that you're a fucking idiot about the varsity. I've been going to Atlanta for days. dozen years. I've eaten at Varsity. Varsity's the fucking best and you're a fucking dum-dum. You are incorrect.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Because I don't know how badly this pizza was botched. Right? MOD Pizza, if you've ever been there. Man, they used to have an outdoor open mic at the Mod Pizza next to the old studio.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
So I can't be anything. Oh, yeah, dude, it's bad pizza. Yeah, but this 47-year-old Corey Harper took his wife's, Catherine Harper's, handle the situation words to heart when he stabbed a 24-year-old employee several times in the back and the front and then slit their belly open to reveal their intestines.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
This is the MOD, the pizza, Mod Pizza. Wow, here he comes rolling in. He's not happy. Oh, okay. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Am I flipping this back and forth? Yeah, the guy's on the other side of the counter. Wow, he's got a little responsibility. He looks normal. He has a vest on, like a suede vest. No, he's well-dressed. Yeah, why is he so well-dressed? It looks like it was recently his birthday and his clothes were bought for him by his wife. No, he looks like... These are definitely Macy's bought.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
It's just a vest and a shirt and glasses. For a guy who disembowels a pizza maker, he's very well-dressed. He's definitely not happy about it. What's wrong with the pizza?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
And then the rest of the fight happens off camera here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Yeah. Oh, and this is him leaving after the guy's fucking guts are out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Yeah, and you left. I mean... Tensions run high with pizza.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I'm going to take you to a better place. If you wouldn't give me a better hot dog. I got a hot dog on the brain now. Eat it now. Eat it before we go. Dodger dogs are better. No, they're not. They changed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
As of now, the victim is still alive. Great. Yeah, which is great. My parents almost got divorced over a botched pizza order. How? I remember it was after we saw Mrs. Doubtfire. Sure. And my dad... And he was thinking about divorce. Yeah, I was like, well, actually. Or dressing like a woman. And... I might have gotten some stuff out of his sister or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I don't think it would have been helpful for him. And my dad wanted sausage and my mom wanted mushroom. And I remember we had my buddy Corey with us. We were driving. Corey was going to sleep over that night. And my dad got the sausage even though my mom wanted the mushroom. And then she was like, Jerry, you fucking piece of shit. I won't fuck you. You suck. You don't care about us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
You don't care about us. It's like she's in the room. Then my dad took the pizza and he threw it on the ground. Whoa. And then he said, fuck this. And he started to walk home. And my mom yelled at him all the way. It's not about pizza. And then we sped off. And then an hour later, he showed up home after she made him walk all the way home. And then they didn't get divorced that day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
They got divorced when he did other bad stuff. But he was really stressed out. Yeah, but you can't just get two pizzas. Just get two pizzas. Just get two pizzas. Have peace in your home. Yeah, and you can't get mushroom on one side and sausage on the other. It ruins it for the mushrooms. Because we all know the sausage comes over and the flavor comes over. It's just too much. It mixed in the box.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
You need two pizzas. Get a small mushroom or something. It's pizza. Yeah. Like, it's not that bad. It's not the most expensive. This isn't fucking caviar. See, I think this is why I like both. My two favorite pizzas are sausage and mushroom. So I think this is just like a defense mechanism on why my two favorite pizzas. I'm like, I like both the pizzas, Mom and Dad. Please stay together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
But if you can, there's a little plastic thing in your mom's purse. And if you can grab that and go to lastpodcastsonaleft.com. Go up to the first number.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
And if you're in the UK, it works as well. We have a UK merch store. Yeah, it really does. But make sure you choose the UK merch store and not the US merch store. Because it won't go to you. We're finally becoming soupy sales.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I got so worried for a second there. No, yeah, my friend Chris Brown.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Robert Kelly. Yeah, yeah. My buddies. My friends. Sean Combs. You know my guys. My buddies. The guys I'm always with. The guys I go hang out with. Orthal James. You know I love Ornthal.
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Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Every time people call me weird, I'm not doing any... We're not weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Johnny Casale, dude. What a bad motherfucker. Also, Motoli Valley Sun Grown. Also badass with Dylan over there. Just straight up. We learned a lot. We went and did a little.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
But it is definitely stooped at murder, though. Exactly. Yeah. It is definitely like, you know, there is some guilt involved. Fuck it, though. I mean, I'm eating turkey. Every time I put it, I feel guilty until I pull that turkey out of the oven.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Are you going to use my gravy hack? What? Is that an axe or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I take the turkey voted for Trump. No, my gravy hack for people out there. You don't cook a turkey the same way I do. When I cook a turkey, it's in a bunch of juices.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
You put yours on like a little pedestal and there isn't as much juice. But I baste it. You baste it, but mine's like in a fucking bunch of fucking liquid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I'm not saying your turkey's bad. It's delicious. I love eating your turkey. I'm just saying if you make it like I do and there's a bunch of veggies and juice on the bottom.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Not, just not nearly as much. But it's like, and mine's another course. It's carrots and celery. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do too. Yeah, you could do it all the same. Yeah, but I'm just saying if you take that juice with the carrots and the celery and you put that in like a blender or a RoboCook. Yes, that's how you get it going. That is a gravy hack. Oh yes, very much so.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
To not like have to do the thing where you got to whip it up real fast. That is a hack that I've done in the past and people really enjoy it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Hey, come on. You put meat in there and then you put the turkey juice in it all day long. That's what I'm going to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very good. It's unbelievable. And then you bake it. You bake it like 350. You can even do like sausage if you want, but not too much or you get divorced.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
We did a full-on show with an amazing crowd. Maybe my favorite show we did all year.
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Side Stories: Pizza Problems
There will be food left over. Remember when I did the Polish turkey and I stuffed it with kielbasa? That was fucking awesome. Shout out. It was my mom's birthday yesterday. Happy birthday. Mama Kathleen. She would have been 74 years old. If you want to honor my mom, you can go watch our movie How America Killed My Mother directed by Travis Irvine. It's a great holiday watch if you want to cry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
You can go to howamericakillmymother.com the URL was still available. Also, don't forget, we are touring. We are hitting the road. We're going to be in New York next week. Philly is sold out. Go ahead and stand outside in the cold. Yeah, you fuckers. Yeah, you missed it. But we'll probably come back to Philly soon. Oh, very much so, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
And then also, we're going to be doing, in January, Atlanta. There might be a side story show. It feels like, so I want you all to know,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
None. That's what he's declaring. No, we're doing improvised shows. I mean, the show at Humboldt was pretty improvised. But we had topics. Yes, we did have a list of things we wanted to hit. But this time we're not going to even do that. Wow. They are going to tell us what to talk about. Okay, that sounds good. It's called Improvtive. What? And then in February, we're going to be in Dallas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
March, we're going to be in Nashville at the Ryman, baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
In a liquor store that is very scary. It looked like a level from Silent Hill 2. It's just like, we're the only place in town with liquor. Good luck finding another place with liquor. This is what it It was seven in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
April, Detroit on the 18th, and then Toronto in May. And then we're going to add some more dates, I believe. Oh, very much so. Yeah, but we haven't done it yet. But keep your eye on LastPodcastOnTheLeft.com to check all that out. Join our Patreon if you want to watch us talk to each other. Yeah, Patreon.com slash LastPodcastOnTheLeft.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Also, Side Stories comes out, the video version, two days afterwards on YouTube. So if you want to hold out and watch us do this stupid shit, you can do that as well. Yes, of course. And then all the great stuff that we do on LPN TV gets released on the YouTube. So go follow Last Podcast on the left on YouTube. Check out Hoopa Goo Goo Game. HGX2 is going to be on December 12th.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
That's going to be a lot of fun. I got Santa Claus is going to be there. It's going to be great. I got some Christmas music coming. The wonderful Sina Ghaznavi is going to be there. It's going to be great. We're going to have a great time. It's going to be amazing. The Good Pood Thanksgiving special just came out. It's on YouTube. Go check it out. I think it's our best episode.
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Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I watched the three second clip and I was just like with no sound and I was just cackling. Yeah, I think it's literally our best episode. Yeah, so go check that out. It's amazing. We love you guys. Thank you for listening to Side Stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Smoke weed instead of talking to your family. Smoke that weed! I can't stress this enough. They matter less when you're high.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
If you're lucky enough to get, we were very fortunate to get in there. I doubt anyone could just walk in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I'm on outdoor weed now. It's the best. I never thought that that was going to happen to me. I thought I was indoor forever with all the crazy. It's much better outdoor. We were smoking it, and we never smoked before shows. No. And we had to show the growers we were cool, and so we're like, all right, we'll hit it. And then, man, first of all, the farmer joints.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
They use the entire paper, and it stays perfectly. No idea how they do it. No idea how they do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Yeah. It's hard for them because they used to make so much more money when it was illegal. Yes. Yeah. And like, everyone's wearing shirts that say, keep weed illegal. And I guess I didn't catch that at first. And at one point during our set, I was like, man, I don't know. I love that weed's legal now. People freak out. People got real mad. I was digging out of a hole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
You can use them in a... practically, for to-go food, for leftovers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
I know that Henry has gone completely weed crazy. They gave us a lot of weed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Usually when we prep for the show, it's casual. Can we just fucking get in there?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
By the way, you didn't give me a blueberry caviar. You only gave me the black caviar. Two jars of black caviar. It's the same. No, one's blueberry caviar. Oh, I'll give you the other one. Yeah, I'll switch. Because you want the black. It's good. I'll give it to you. No, no, we'll switch. See, this is what happens. It's tearing our friendship apart. No, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Lamb also. What? Lamb. You get crazy around lamb. The meat? Yeah. Well, I like lamb.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Do you have any in your... I put some in my freezer to keep it good longer so I can smoke it next year. Actually, I didn't even think about that. I probably should. Yeah. Does it work like that? I don't know. It's what we used to do when I was growing or selling, so I imagine that's what you should do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Yeah, don't let it get hot. That's the main thing, and she needs to be temperate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Well, thank you, guys. Thank you, Humboldt. Thank you to everybody who came out. Humboldt, Redway, the Mateel Community Center, what a cool place to see a show. If you go on their website and you just find a show that looks cool, go there. The vacation, the Redwoods are unbelievable. It's an amazing town. It should be a tourist destination.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Oh, yes, you have a huge update. Cato the whale. Cato the killer whale has died in Spain at the Tenerife Zoo. If you remember Cato. Tenerife. Tenerife. You been there? No, I just know it's been a while. Okay. Kato was, remember he was featured in part two of the Horrors of SeaWorld series. He was the orca that killed trainer Alexis Martinez on Christmas Eve 2009 at Laurel Parquet.
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Side Stories: Pizza Problems
And yeah, it was a, you bit him. He bit him, he rammed him against the concrete and stuff. Kato had a very, had a 29-year-old rough life. Yeah, he was like, I didn't know that he was forced to sleep with his cousin. Yes, they all are, kind of.
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Side Stories: Pizza Problems
When you're in a cell with only your cousin. Well, you know, I would automatically fuck my cousin just because I'm in a cell with her. No, I'm not saying you may be an animal, though. Yeah, I guess. But you'd probably do it. Anyway, so... I don't think I would. My cousins are all mad. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Kato was born in SeaWorld, lived his entire life in captivity, and spent... It was sold overseas, and in the wild, we know a male can live up to 60 years old, and Kato had a very rough life, and his necropsy was taken care of by 21 vets, I believe. Geez. Where they just... in one go. They all took different parts of them. Well, you have to cut them up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Because you can't just take a 6,600 pound whale and just toss them in the back of a truck. What a fucking day. Yeah, imagine that. What a day. It's just like, you love this thing. And now we've got to saw it to pieces.
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Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Is that wrong? Is that wrong? Imagine... being, like, about to eat out a woman. And you're like, excuse me, let me get my... Hold on one second. Well, it's good to do. Technically, we can't be angry about it.
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Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Oh, well, shout out. We love you, Kato. Have a good death. It's hard for me.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It was a training exercise, and the SeaWorld trainers were shipped in to do it on Christmas Eve, and this poor Alexis Martinez died. One of their best swimmers.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They are different. Yeah, they're definitely different. Yeah, but I don't think there's much going on in Tootsie's head these days. No, Tootsie is... She's barking and coughing for attention.
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Side Stories: Pizza Problems
122 years old. Wow. Wow. She's dead, though. Okay, good. Yeah, she's fucking dead. Thank God. Oh, yeah. This was a while ago.
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Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Okay. The whole damn thing. He's just like holding out.
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Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Shred my fucking corpse. If you want me fucking dead, you need to kill every fucking inch of me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
From a psychological perspective, it's a very, very lonely place. There's very little interaction with humans or animals. So if you're in a camp or a research center, you work those people for six months, if not a year.
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Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And what I think it does from a psychological point of view is that everything becomes heightened. It's all white. There's no color, no noise, nothing you could see as normal. So everybody's behavior, including your own, gets magnified.
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Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Oh, yes. I know this guy. Man spread his cheeks and I made it one push in, two push. It was so juicy. I just fucking shot my jacket. I ejaculated. This man's rough. Yeah.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, again, twist the nipples, slap her face a bunch. That's a big thing. You don't do that a lot. In old time movies, you remember how they used to do that a lot? There was a lot more slapping people.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
But if I saw it, you know, you just give a fucking couple jabs to the fucking dead body. It's not living. But again, at that point, she's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Four hours. But don't worry. They said they went on to complete their trip to Venice, Italy. Because they said, you know, they're purple. Yep. They said they're really trying to make the best out of a really hard situation. But you know what? They just moved on. But he said, you know, we're on holiday, so we're just trying to have a good time. And what are you going to do? Go home? Yeah, exactly.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
We're going to Italy. That's what I'm telling my fucking wife. Being like, hey, listen, yeah, we saw a corpse today, but guess where we're going to see another corpse if I have to lose all these thousands of dollars on the fucking trip to Venice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully Qatar Airways. Qatar Airways. Is it Qatar? I don't know. I think it's Qatar. I think it's Qatar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, no. Qatar Airways. Qatar Airways. It goes all over that area of the world. Oh, okay. Because that's probably the flight that they had to connect over to Italy. That's a long flight, Melbourne to Europe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
From the boogie-down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish-Italian java, last podcast on the left, and Springfield Jack coffee are rising from the rubble with a new brew. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Nothing to do with any moth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a Butterfly Dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a Butterfly Dude Roast. This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious, and not just the same beans. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room. Well, we learned nothing, have we? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
And now it's time to have one of our favorite people on the face of the planet join us. Aw, yeah, baby! Very, very excited. We have a guest in studio. His name, Stan Soder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Ladies and gentlemen, this man, to my right, we just appeared on his podcast. Yes. So, as is the custom of all comedians across all nations, we then invited him to be a part of our podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the incredible New York-based stand-up comedian, Dan Soder.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
And one of my favorite one is this. We said, you got to come to Huntsville and you have to eat at Hildegard's. I'm like, oh, what's that? What's Hildegard's? Yeah, it doesn't sound very Alabama-y. No, it doesn't. It sounds really good.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
It's some of the things that in this show are just a gift. It's like a gift where you find out like, I mean, obviously it's why we do this show. When you start like opening up the hood and looking into the actual details of these people's lives, it's fantastic. The idea of like a pathological liar's life is an amazing labyrinth. Yeah. And it's a fun circus.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
And they said, which I think is like, I dislike how they put it, it's a local German restaurant that has deep roots in Huntsville since the great German influx on or about 1945. No! And my thing was, is that, what is that, what is that, um...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I will not believe that a juicy secret of we killed JFK could have ever lasted long enough. Because what do we know about CIA guys? As soon as they're sick, they start telling the truth. They still have a bad cold. And they'll start saying stuff like, we definitely killed some people in Serbia.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
I just can't believe that the secret would ever lay that long.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, like the Watergate in D.C., now it's all super cute. They're all like, the main bar, it's called like the break-in. That's what I was gonna say, break into comfort at the Watergate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
familiar and it's like oh yeah it's because the operation paperclip scientists that we purchased had to move to huntsville we purchase or take purchase and then we move in the huntsville we made of americans and then think about this then i'm like now i'm super excited to go yeah only just because How good does German food have to be for ex-Nazis to sit and like it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
When you went this time, did you see what I loved about the first time I went to Dealey Plaza was the conspiracy theory buskers?
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
That's their ghost tours? Dude, it's the best. They stay. They stand on the grassy knoll with lanyards and piles of newspapers. And then they're just on loop. It was just all black men. when I went. I know exactly. It's the same guy. It was wild. He comes up to you. He just starts kind of saying the beginning of the story, right? And then he's like, if you want to hear the rest, that'll be $15.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
And then you're like, you can pay the man $50. Marcus and I did it. We paid him money, and then we both sat with this homeless man as he described the events of the
Last Podcast On The Left
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conspiracy theory and then we started pushing back and then we're now talking with the man and then he's yelling us being like you don't know better than me you don't know better than me and we're all like i'm sorry sir like i guess we're we're just visiting this is just this is an important place for our relationship the thought of you looking at the grassy knoll and then a guy with a cigarette bouncing in the corner of his mouth going you know that's where they did it
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Now, I'm glad that you even said this, because this is, I'm so glad to have you here. I'm glad to be here. Because you, he was on Billions. And he knows, like, even just, you heard that, like, even just saying that about the pitch, right? Like, he knows all about the pitch. And what you got to do to get in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, yeah, dude. You know, I worked as, I did headhunting for a very small period of time, and I was fired immediately.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Very similar in the idea of doing the stockbroker as idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes. That's all of them. And then you find out that's literally the heart of all of the stockbroking industry is all fat fucks from Queens.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's the same guys that failed cop exams, like became stockbrokers, but it does work. But how do you feel about crypto?
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Oh, Hak Tua girl. And then she finally made her very tear-filled apology. Oh, she did? Because she didn't understand. She just didn't understand. She didn't know. Hak Tua girl is innocent. I do believe that she had no idea. Yeah, she took the money.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
Seems as if you yeah the rug pulled with her and I you're right I don't think she knew what she was doing, but I also did not feel like there were any victims in this No, it's only idiots only idiots lost their money But now this is this is why I wanted to bring this up this even the subject is because this this story really made me laugh Now this comes from Twitter. I don't know if you're aware.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Okay, it's an app Crypto trader known as mr. Fuck you He shot himself live on Twitter. Have you not heard about this yet? No.
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Oh, yeah. By the way, right before we get to the story, when you had us on the show, the Luigi Mangione shooting had hours before. So everyone was like, why didn't they go harder in the paint on Dan Soder's show? And I was like, it's because we didn't know what the fuck was happening.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
I mean, like, I'm not saying it's good that it serves Nazis. Holy shit, look at that. And we made them. That's schnitzel, dude. We revamped them into American, so it doesn't really count. Because we went to the moons on their back. But if you look at this, like, this food looks so good. And it has to be good, because can you imagine serving it to Werner Von Braun?
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
It wasn't cool. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but. So you can hear it a little bit back. All right. So take it back. A crypto trader known as Mr. Fuck you. He shot himself live on Twitter after losing his last five hundred dollars in a meme coin rug pull on Friday night. Now, what he said, this complete utter chode. What does that mean, by the way? I don't know.
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Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'm going to say. I'm going to say they took his meme coin from him. What they do is pump up a coin, a fake crypto version of a coin, right? They pump it up. They all put the money in. And the goal is to get out and sell right at the very top, which normally happens within about eight to 12 hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It sounds like no matter what. It's like, you know, you short a stock. Yeah.
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Yes. Or if you're in at the end. If you know it beforehand.
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Oh, my God. Can we put the air conditioning on?
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With this guy, he says, okay, he says he wanted to, I guess, promote this new meme coin. So he had a revolver in his hands and he says, if I die, make me a meme coin. The gun then misfired twice. And then on the third time, it blew his fucking brains out. And then it shot the brains out of the back of his head, which then, and then the stream lasted for another three.
Last Podcast On The Left
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30 minutes as guess what happened the meme coins started getting printed so they immediately did a bunch of them because he was also known as i'm really poor online this is him with an ak-47 and a fedora oh my god this is exactly how i imagined mr fuck you both in life and in death it is a cheap shitty gun Yes, it is. Was that a Kalashnikov? It's an AK. That is an AK.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So you see, what they're saying right here, according to Mr. Fuck You, his life, he also went by, I'm really poor, he's 23, and he said he was going through some mental health struggles, obviously, and some believe that the community, in the community, believe that the suicide was tied to a breakup, as he used to talk about his shorty, but suddenly he stops referring to her. No more shorty.
Last Podcast On The Left
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No, it was about two weeks ago, and then it turned into a full meme coin circus. You have a thing called Mr. Coin, with the developer sending him 70% of the total supply just before his death. And then reactors at crypto Twitter were actually really interesting, because a lot of people were, of course, just jumping in.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So a lot of people made money on meme coins based upon his death and the moments after his death.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And watching Werner Von Braun take one slice and him look at you and just be like, we have a word for someone like you. And they're all like, he's like shaking and stuff. He's like, an excellent cook. You know, like they have to just deal with it. I love how it looks like all Alabama, like they just cover it in gravy. Dude, that is what, that's a Wienerschnitzel.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I just think it's a... Oh, there we go. I don't mind this trend. I think that this could be a continuous... Like, we could lose some grandpastras.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I just feel like it's a, what are we going to do? Because I know it's the idea of like, money's fake anyway.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And so now we're supposed to all believe in the new fake money, but also it's making people kill themselves. But if he was going to kill himself anyway, why shouldn't people make money?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Once we stopped giving shells for blowjobs, then everything's been downhill.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You know, hundreds of thousands of dollars, even millions of dollars are getting slopped around with these dumb shit little things, which is it seems like the smoke screen. I brought this up a little bit in our Anders Breivik series, but I do feel like this is my it's like a boomer situation here that I'm forced into. Yeah. Where several very big studies showed about how memes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Radicalize young men faster than any other form of media. That's because we hate to read. It's because memes, making it funny and making it palatable, make it extremely easy for it to slide in. And then how does this sound familiar? It's only a joke. I'm just saying it's just a funny thing that I'm doing. I wasn't serious.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes, and the problem is that if nobody ever is serious, eventually you're going to, it changes your worldview in a way. Eventually, if nothing is remotely sacred, all of a sudden, your 21-year-old making money off of some dipshit suicide because you can't.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's exactly what Wiener Schnitzel is. I love Wiener Schnitzel. Oh, man. We are going to eat all over this. Welcome to Side Stories. Holy shit. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Fuck you. I want to talk about the schnitz. Me too, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Like, literally, like, Snoop's going to now do 15 minutes. You want to hear Gin and Juice live? And we're literally going to short this in the next 15 minutes. Like, we're going to get this done.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah. Oh, yeah. Everybody else eats dick. But I just more, it was just looking at him, too. He just looks like such a fucking... You know, how do you say like, does anybody look at their baby when it first comes out of their vagina and they look at them in the bassinet and be like, my son one day is going to commit suicide on Twitter. He has the face of somebody that would.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Which I just don't even understand. It's like the story of every person who's ever made it. Yeah. It's like that's the, buddy, I mean, if you just, well, I don't know if he was going to make it.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And I understand that some people might be upset about it, but I just love the concept of what they just called local German influx after 1945. which is if that was just sort of coincidence.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm just saying that when he's sad, I'm really poor. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's Mr. Fuck you. Right there. That's Mr. Fuck you. Show the other one. He's just like, that's Mr. I'm really poor. I'm really poor with the Louis Vuitton hat to the side. Yes. Because he is poor because he spent $1,000 on a stupid hat. I just hate when people shave the top of their mustache. It's really great.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Unless you're John Waters, you have to be a professional homosexual to have a pencil-thin mustache.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So we just want to say, again, rest in peace to Mr. Fuck You, and I hope that you guys, you gooners, and you goon dames, I mean, think women goon, you gainers, you women gooners, if you even exist, I hope that you go out there and you celebrate him every day by buying a revolver.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, see, I just, like, it's just a doll, but look at it. They call him a... A fictional serial killer. That's what they call Chucky. Oh, that's what they call Chucky. A fictional serial killer. They said he's waving around a fictional serial killer. And it's like, no, it's a doll. But it's fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You better watch out or I'll hit you with Sean. All right, check this out.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So it's probably like 100 people. It says how many scientists? 1,600 German scientists, engineers, and technicians came to the United States from 1945 and 1959. They took us to the moon, baby! Because they had the eye on the prize. These guys' operation, that's what gave us our big advantage over the Soviet Union. Yes. And these guys went straight to Huntsville.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So this is my question. Did he actually believe in the magic of Chucky?
Last Podcast On The Left
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But the thing is, he said it was in response to him being not given beer at the restaurant. So he went home to get his Chucky.
Last Podcast On The Left
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murderous little doll You know who would never ever betray me?
Last Podcast On The Left
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And it doesn't have the mask. It doesn't have the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Is no man better than his past? Can no man grow past his fucking... Where he's... Oh, the chains! The chains of what I've been...
Last Podcast On The Left
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Just the idea of calling the cops on him is very strange.
Last Podcast On The Left
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There is a man with a tiny porcelain red-headed shot outside of this door.
Last Podcast On The Left
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The only way this is honestly police worthy is that you take two of them, chain them together. That's a nunchucky. And then that can actually be extremely, extremely dangerous. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And that's kind of nice, honestly, in a way, for them. It is a good place to stash a bunch of Nazis, and no one's going to pay attention. No one cares what happens in Huntsville, necessarily, because they keep it a secret. NASA, never a straight answer. Mm-hmm. All right. Well, yeah, they're all going downtown, straight to Huntsville. At least. And the very end, yes, we know. Horrible atrocities.
Last Podcast On The Left
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What point in the night do you say, ah, hand's gone? Yeah. No reason to look. No one went looking for the hand? James, your hand is gone. God gives you two until you lose them.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, dude. It just popped off because it exploded. And then a bird, I do think it's exactly what you said. I think a bird picked it up thinking, mmm, yum, lunch. And they pick it up and then it's hard for a bird to do it. And the bird don't go back. Birds are lazy. They always kind of talk about the early bird and the worm and stuff like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But I think largely, I've seen birds drop shit all the time. Birds really give up. They just don't really care.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They should just go and line it up. I think it's because the child, like, maybe it's because he's embarrassed. Or was the hand mauled? I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'll always remember we went to Berlin, and we were walking around, and, you know... It's this big, like, it was like an EDM festival slash environmental protest. That's very funny. There was nothing like seeing 14-year-olds look so classy drinking white wine. They're all drinking white wine. I didn't even know what wine was. I couldn't even tie my shoes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, they're all very, very cosmopolitan. And they're all enjoying each other. They're all clinking glasses and stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I mean, that's sad, though, for them, because I feel like that's a fun story for kids. Like, I feel like it can stand by me. Yeah, like, I saw human bones once when I was a child. It was awesome. Really?
Last Podcast On The Left
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In Forest Park in Queens. We went up there, and we went to, my buddy and I went past a bunch of, at the time. They're walking around the railroad tracks. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm Jerry O'Connell. But we went through a bunch of police lines. My neighborhood in Queens had a very sudden influx of Haitian population. Okay. over a very small period of time, and it really changed the neighborhood, and it brought in a lot of voodoo and brought in a lot of, like, practices. And we had, like, several voodoo head shops in the neighborhood, which were awesome. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Because you could see it. Like, you could go into... It was like a bodega, and then you'd look past the guy, and there would be a room behind him where you'd have all the paraphernalia. Like, you'd go, and you'd get it all. It's awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
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like no no no no not for you and then i go and i we went to see we went to this place that was all cordoned off and there was blood all over the in this like they did animal like it was one of those things where they came hard down cops came down hard on the haitian populations obviously because of racism and also because they were doing a lot of animal sacrifice with no licenses that's really funny to get a license for animal sacrificing you
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's just killing. I mean, that's just fine. You have to do it in a certain place. Yeah. You have to do it because apparently, yeah, you can't do it at Forest Park. You can't do it in your rental.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Listen, I want you to listen. I love Mama Muerte just as much as anybody else, all right? Every day I give him a sip of rum and I smoke a cigar to Papa Evil, okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
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No, we did it once. We got one. They pre-killed it. Oh, really? They kill it for you. Oh, they kill it for you. Yeah, you go in there and they literally go like, eh? And then you go, kill it. And then they go like, they snap its neck. Did you watch? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, they clean it all up, and then you take it. How much was it? Do you remember? I want to say literally it was like $10. But I do think then I brought it to, because it was with Carly, and then I think she cried.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Can we go? Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Can you send me where I can get a genuine beer wench outfit for Ed's wife? Yes. I have her sizes saved in my phone for whenever I buy her clothes. Then can I get one for me? Yes. Because I'm going to buy one and stand next to her.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, and then I remember the time that we did a sketch where... You don't think about it. What did we do with the pig head? Did we just throw it in a trash can in the village? That's what we did when you got all the pig intestines for the Buttweiser sketch when we thought we needed to have real intestines. There was no way we could ever fake it with any form of makeup whatsoever.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So they covered me in real pig intestines that we destroyed this costume. We fucked up all John's whole living room We did all this shit just because we're like no dude. It's fucking hard good.
Last Podcast On The Left
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look real even though it is real everyone's like this is fake and you're like you have no idea the disgusting lengths we went and the audience a lot of audience don't know what it's like to have a real butcher because i used to go to a real guy that i remember when we used to act when we asked for the pig guts and the guy was like yeah like he was so excited he's like you made my tuesday shift easier come here it's that bag right there yeah wow
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, Dan, it's great. Are you an advanced meat man?
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No, I can hold on. Have you ever had head cheese?
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It's like meat jelly. It's like all the stuff from your fucking head, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
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The white sausage. I don't know what it is. I think it's cum. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but I eat it too. Solidified, solidified gum. Because that's head cheese. So it's like essentially, it's a meat jelly solidified.
Last Podcast On The Left
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French. It's a cold meatloaf. I like a spicy-ass mustard, like a Kosciuszko. I like a fucking Polish mustard. Would I look stupid doing it with, like, a French's? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's because they're people that they grew up with. I like it.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I fucking like it. You're going to just... Listen, I want to squash this now. I didn't realize you were going to cry.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, man. I love all that type of shit. Anything that's fucking... What about haggis? Yeah, I love it. You loved haggis. I love... I actively like haggis. What? Yeah, it's good. If you get it, good. They don't get in. You're not going to eat it here. Yeah, I know. Like, L.A.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You don't think I don't got the fucking... What's German for breasts? You got calves. What's German for breasts?
Last Podcast On The Left
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You would be wildly surprised how good it is. It's a horrible name and the ingredients are a nightmare.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Exactly. It is basically the same flavor profile as a hot dog. It's heavily spiced, Good texture.
Last Podcast On The Left
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schnitzel titzel oh bruce oh yeah i got crazy bruce yeah man i got fucking bruce's out the fucking i got a day i fucking got size day i die i got size die bruce's wow and you could just go yeah you slap me into that these are these of age women i just found um your fetish yeah i think i think i'm finally gonna role play
Last Podcast On The Left
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Skate is basically- Yeah, it's like stingray. Yeah, I think I've had skate before. It's bad. Was it gamey?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Beaver shepherd's pie sounds like the worst porn I've ever seen.
Last Podcast On The Left
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The groundhog chili, though, does sound pretty good.
Last Podcast On The Left
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See, the only thing that really skeeves me out is that I've heard bear meat's really gross. I've heard bear meat's very greasy. They said it was cow because they put it in like a stew. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, I bet. I don't want to eat. I think dog in general is not necessarily.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It kind of feels like how it was just, we were just in Dallas with Marcus's family. Yeah. And there is like a thing about like, I always sort of feel like maybe I could be a man. And then you meet like all the ranchers. Oh yeah. And then you're like, oh, I'm not a man.
Last Podcast On The Left
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His father has one eye, and he still works, like, 15 hours a day. He beats the shit out of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, and you want, like, my hand feels like, like, essentially the hand of, like, you know, Hillary Swank. I have Hillary Swank's hands.
Last Podcast On The Left
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What a cherished time this was to spend this with you.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And then very quickly, what I wanted to do, this is Rob's idea, and I think it's fun. Yes. Is at the end of your shows, you do a card opening segment. Hell yeah. So Rob went to the local hobby store. Yeah. And he got a pack of cards to open that I figured that maybe we could describe. And I've never seen this before. It is the Elvis collection. Yes. This fucking rules, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So these are, so I'm just going to give this to you. Yeah. I'm just going to give this. The Elvis collection. You get a pack. You guys get a pack, and then we'll just see. Cards of his life.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I got so excited I thought you did, and I hurried to open my pack. Did you ever see his interviews? I'm fascinated with Elvis. Have you ever seen his talks or the interview with his cook? No. She's wonderful. It just recently came out? Yeah. No, it was like a couple, a bunch of years ago.
Last Podcast On The Left
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He'd come in after taking three of those blue pills. And he would be so excited. So excited.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So you're going to be Adrian Brody from The Brutalist?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Hey, if you could avoid any suspicious minds. Hey, can you do something not about the Chicago ghetto?
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm just going to say anybody that survived WWII in its way and was of the Jewish persuasion, Eddie, I'm going to say this in the most gentle way possible. You might need to lose a couple of pounds. Oh, well, you know, so they always needed a cook. See, if you dress as this, you see, this is a Lederhosen. See, I don't want to dress as a German. I want to be like, I need a hat.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And I love my Bobby Bonilla bit, and I also still herald him, but at some point, the time does go, and you can't always do the same bit always. Oh, wow. You know what I got? Smirking Elvis.
Last Podcast On The Left
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See, this is the live series. I remember this one's like, these are part of the same live show that he did. These are the comeback tours. You know, I do find it interesting that he never toured internationally. Really? He also invented the live stream. Really? He never toured internationally? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
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See, this is the kind of shit I like. See, this is the version of Elvis I like the most, which him... Big, thick belt on, just at work. Yeah. Elvis relaxed wherever, whenever, and however he could. Here you see him participating in an early 70s Easter egg hunt at his home in California. Given his demanding schedule, it's a wonder that he ever got to relax at all.
Last Podcast On The Left
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There were songs to record, movies to make, concerts to do, and on rare occasions, television specials to consider. In spite of this picture, it should be obvious that Elvis never put all of his eggs in one basket. Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Now I'm going to go home and have sex with my husband.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, you want to dress in a Holocaust uniform so that you can have sex with a weird, in a weird fucking twisted fantasy that you want to do where you want to have Julie act like some kind of like Nazi sympathizer that you're having sex with because her tits are out. She's not a Nazi sympathizer. She's a Jewish sympathizer. Because she's having sex with a Jewish man? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, honestly, thank you so much for joining us. Fucking rules, dude. I honestly do wish that these were, I do wish we had a little bit more of the food involved.
Last Podcast On The Left
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There's Alligator, which is weird. That's for Ed. These are Garbage Pail Kids. Max Axe. And then we have here, this is Shaggy Aggie. This is making fun of women with underarm hair. And then this one here is referring to an executioner. This is Garbage Pail Kids. For those of you who don't know, this was a thing that we liked as children.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'd say buy it, buy it. But this I find to be ignorance.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Hey, tell me, what was it like when she was in your palms?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Dude, thank you so much for being here. You guys rule.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But no, but a lot of them did that and then they would go and sell them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Ilsa, the she-dog of the Fuhrer. I wouldn't let them touch her.
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Yeah, do it. Fuck yeah. Bye, fucker. What an amazing time we had. Oh, I love Dan.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Still around. He's fucking doing amazing. He's crushing it. playing theater solo he's doing great so go to patreon.com slash last podcast and left you can watch us go through the whole card scenario we're having so much fun also go check us out on the big flop with misha brown we talk about joe exotic we really we really fit in with his audience And I'm excited, though. Go check it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
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He was very sweet, man. Very, very sweet. And then go check out all of our horseshit on Twitch. Twitch.tv slash LPNTV. We have Good Pud live this week. Yes. At 6 p.m.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Ooh, yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun. And go to lastpodcastandleft.com and buy tickets to see us live. Our show's better than ever. Come to Nashville.
Last Podcast On The Left
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We're going to have a lot of fun. Come check us out. We're going to eat some Yerman food. We're going to have diarrhea. Come, please. Watch us entertain.
Last Podcast On The Left
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she's german yes rosing well this is a lot well so what does this say sexual sexy nazi role playing okay as long as you're a proud jew i did this is an article from forward magazine can you i can't even can i can't read it what does it say here all right it says there's nothing wrong with introducing nazi role play in the bedroom according to josephine dalton there's
Last Podcast On The Left
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You're done with hot chicken? It's a prank. We've talked about this on the show for years. What are you talking about? Hot chicken. It's a prank played from locals. on to us. Well, you get the mild.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, you are going to be. You're not going to be in that comedy club, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
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We're doing O-Town. We're coming on to Fort Lauderdale. You can come and check us out. O-Town, actually, the tickets are doing really well. But come check us out in Fort Lauderdale. I have no idea what in the living fuck that's going to be like. I'm very excited.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And I'm going to say a thing that I don't know what it means yet. They're going to be different formats.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Structure. Sure. Yeah. Structure. You know structures. You know we do. You've seen us live. Yeah. All right. Hail Satan, everyone. Yes. Hail Dan Soder. Yeah, he did good. Fucking love that guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Journalist Mark Oppenheimer wrote the name. German was a Nazi. Mark Oppenheimer's writing about this? But he scolded the letter writer for being a self-hating Jew. Famous sex writer Dan Savage called on Oppenheimer, who is Jewish, to answer the unusual question on his blog Savage Love. The letter writer, a Jewish woman in her 20s, found herself in quite a pickle with her German lover.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, see, this is way different than what I'm trying to do. She wanted to ask him to fulfill her Nazi role play fantasy, but was scared he would be offended. Yeah, of course. That's the fear. Oh, yes. How long do I have to wait? I'm talking about a German that hides the Jewish people. Oh, okay. That's different. You didn't set it up like that. That's what I'm talking about.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Do you think that she's going to be excited that you and I worked out your Nazi role play with her? Nazi era. Role play. You're going to have to go and do that with her. You're going to have to go discuss that and say, Henry loves this idea. We workshopped it on the show. Yeah, Henry really was excited for this idea.
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No, but you want your hat. It's not a sexy article of clothing. I'm not trying to take it. Well, it is. It's the only thing you're wearing. Actually, no. I find it strange. Can you imagine that? I don't know why. I don't know what it is. Again, if it's a nude woman, I'm engaged. I don't really care.
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But something about a nude woman with just a top hat on, with just a Peter Pan hat on, actually, I'm looking at this, Rob. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah. Because it looked like she's a little girl that got transformed magically into an adult. You know what I mean? And that she's still the little girl on the inside. Hold on.
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I'm excited about this, but we do have to take a plane there and it's been horrible out there for planes. And I did want to bring up this one story. Okay. Now I've heard something about this several times, which is, you know, that if you die in the air, there's really not much they can do for you.
Last Podcast On The Left
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She could have. She could have if she wanted to. She could have taken the rebellion to the cockpit. Here we go. Now, this story, some people say they're all traumatized, but I actually think it's kind of funny. Okay. Mitchell Ring and Jennifer Collin were on a Qatar Airways flight from Melbourne to Doha, the Qatari capital, last week. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
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About 10 hours into the flight, a woman exited the restroom, collapsed, and died right in front of them. That's very horrible. That's horrible. And they say, according to them, they did everything they could. They pumped her legs, fished around her mouth, they kissed her a bunch, and she never came back. Everything you do to a woman. Sometimes also with a woman, too. This is a tip.
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I don't want anybody to push back on me on this. You never get pushed back. If you want to wake up a woman who's asleep or dead, twist them like radio dials. Sometimes that's how you know if she's dead. Every time there's a fresh dead woman, always do that. Try to change the volume on her. That's how you find out when they're not. Because most people respond to that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
That's what they do. So they did everything they could according to them. They said they looked a little frustrated. So they didn't know what to do, which I don't really know. Is it because her body was right there? Yeah. Because my thing is, she already paid for a seat. You should put the dead woman back in the seat she paid for. Well, they didn't put her in the seat she paid for?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, they decided because... She might have been of the larger persuasion. It seems that they physically could not get her back to her seat. Okay. So they just plopped her in the seat that was open next to this couple. So they said straight up, can you move over, please? They said, yes, no problem. And then they just placed that lady in the chair that they were just sitting in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
So she just laid there absolutely dead. Well, Cutter Airways is not Delta. No, it's not. But Qatar also, it's like, you're in the middle, you're over the Atlantic Ocean. So I do understand why you have to, well, I guess, no, but you have like the Indian Ocean. But it's like, I understand why you can't necessarily land. No, you can't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
So they said that couples- Why don't they give the couple somewhere else to sit? Well, this is the worst part is that they got stuck in. They got stuck in while the, because this is the thing. Was the lady, the lady was really big? Let's put it this way. I think that some people, maybe not me-
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But if a body was placed next to me, I think that some people might be very reticent to get near it or go past it. Me, I'm straddling the thing if I have to take a shit. I don't care. I'm just going. I know it's dead. I know she's dead. Go by. I'll give her the little papal blessing or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, you ventilate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she probably, she could have definitely, well, it sounds like she just came out of the bathroom, so I think she was empty. Oh! And then she came out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Now that's sad. I should think about that now. Hopefully I don't have a shit that keeps keeping me alive inside of me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Is it just odd to say that I don't think it would haunt me at all? Yeah. I think that I'm on a plane and there's different rules. I think that if I saw someone die in front of me, I saw someone die in front of me in an emergency room. I have. I watched someone collapse and that did end the panic attack that I was in there for because I realized that I shouldn't be in the emergency room.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You're fine. Yes. And then I've seen dead body. I saw a dead body on the train and I'm not really that. Scarred by it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I think they just... And you shut the door. I think they just were trying to get her in a seat because they didn't want her corpse lying like a log in the center of the fucking aisle. Yeah. And so I think they wanted to plop her in a seat as some form of respect, I imagine. I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Man, I am getting more and more excited to go to Huntsville. I can't wait. We're on our way. I can't wait to do this. One of my favorite things here, it says, is we found really very interesting. You know, we asked last week to get any sort of recommendations of things to do in Huntsville. And we were super excited. We're like, OK. And we got a lot of messages and we're like so happy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
That would actually be nice. Or you put her up in the galley where you can literally cover her in ice. Well, you can't. We've already established you can't. We're not lifting her up. Well, yeah, they could have asked people to help. I've had someone help. Is there a doctor on a plane on a flight before?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But they said the worst part was that when they were stuck after the flight emptied, they were not allowed to leave their seats because they had to wait until the medical officer came on and worked on the dead body as they were stuck next to it because they didn't want to cross over the body.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
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Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
This might be the word. You might win this round.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It is. It really is. Because you think like, oh, it's going to be so bad that like, it's kind of fun to watch, but it's not. And there's also, I think most movies that have a, oh God, I can't think of the word right now. What is it called when everybody stops and starts singing and dancing in the middle of the street?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh my God, I hate flash mobs so much. You almost forgot they existed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
God, I hate flash mobs. I love a musical. I hate a fucking flash mob.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Well, I just learned the term diegetic and non-diegetic. Which is like, if movements happen within the world of a film or happen outside of the world of the film, and that whether or not people, there's like a conversation about musicals being diegetic or non-diegetic. Like, are the songs in a musical natural to the environment of the musical? Like, are they reality?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Or are they separate from reality? Is it a moment of commentary upon the musical? Or is the musical within itself? Is it subtext or text? Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
yes yeah yeah yeah yeah and then uh you know look at this look diegetic versus non-dietetic if you look at this it says oh we pop it if we can read it all right diegetic sounds that belong in the world of the film so it's a diegetic sound is stuff like you know when they do the thing where you hear a song playing at the top of a movie and you see somebody driving and then they shut off the song in the car on the radio that's called diegetic sound because that car is
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
That sound is within the world of the movie. Non-diegetic is stuff like narrative voiceovers, stuff that is outside of the screen sources.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Okay, that's very interesting. Well, we all learned something today. Yes. And I appreciate that. Now, one movie I dare say that goes up against Saving Christmas for me is a movie I've actually seen multiple times. And every time I watch it, I get more and more enraged. And that is the movie Jack Frost. And I'm not talking about the horror movie. I'm talking about the Michael Keaton one. It's bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's on my list as well. I will stare at Kelly Preston, do almost anything just because I like the look of her. Rest in peace. But Jack Frost. Yeah, you look at her corpse. Oh, yeah, man. I'm looking at that. Kelly Preston's dead? Yeah, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Years ago. It was like right after, like very close to the son dying. She died of cancer, too. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Really, really sad. Holy shit. R.I.P. R.I.P. Very sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's the only way to get a Scientology clean.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh, it's like they pressed her in the ground.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
baby shingle bells come on it's been four years it's okay now enough time is back i think what makes me the most angry is that michael keaton in the movie is in this like kind of like a blues traveler kind of band and he wears a good role for him maybe sure because i love i love michael keaton and it's why i've seen this movie six or seven times i've never seen it Don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Save your fucking time. I did not want to. Watch the other Jack Frost. The horror movie? The horror movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And at least then it's like. That's with. He looks good with a guitar in his hands. That's for certain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh, don't get. Shannon Elizabeth's in that one, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But this movie made me so upset. Where's she at? Shannon Elizabeth? She was just. Yeah, she's still doing stuff. You know what she was in recently? The remake of Night of the Demons. She played Angela. She's a professional poker player. Really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
That's hot. I mean, she just got so, but I don't even like gambling. Yeah, that's really fucking cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, I'll hang out with that. I'd sit there and blow on the chips. Okay. I'll blow on the dice. Get a little cocktail dress on. Come on, Shannon Elizabeth. You got two first names. Come on. You know what it says here, according to Jack Frost? Did you know, Jackie, three of Frank Zappa's four children are in it? Which one? Dweezil, Ahmet, and Moon Unit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Man, whenever they did Celebrity Jeopardy, I would get so mad because they would never take it seriously. No, of course not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
What else has Moon Unit done? Oh, he's just... Wow. Just wrote a memoir. Earth to Moon. Oh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
So as we were just looking up Jack Frost, I forgot also specifically about the Santa Claus 3, which stars... And this pains me to say... I watched it a couple years ago. Oh, Moon Unit is a woman? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Jackie Zabrowski. I don't touch the bitch on the shelf spandex.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
As Jack Frost. Yeah. Moon Unit Zappa's a woman? Yeah. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I'm not going to answer that question. I have no idea. No, it says a woman. It says an American actress, singer, and author. I don't trust Google. Could be incorrect. That's correct. Looks like a woman. Yep. I'll call it a woman. She's got a little bandana on her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Sorry, I just slid down a moon unit zap hole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I know it doesn't matter, but the bitch on the shelf says you do, and you don't get no fucking toys, fat boy. Can't stop the bitch on the shelf. Can't stop the bitch on the shelf. I'll hold my honesty on my own. I'll hold my true story. Your blood pressure's high. Yeah, it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It just whipped my brain. But I also do like, I am the kind of person, though, that really enjoys like a hallmark, I like a shitty Christmas movie. Well, you love Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I like a bad Christmas movie as well. I'll watch a bad Christmas movie. The Lindsay Lohan movie that came out last year where she gets amnesia, that was a lot of fun. The one that came out this year?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
This year, not good. Garbage. And it also was starring Mr. Fitz from Pretty Little Lies. What is the name of this? It's called Falling for Christmas? That was last year's. This year's is Our Little Secret. Yeah, Falling for Christmas. Don't watch Falling for Christmas. Don't worry about it. But it was fun. I enjoyed it. It was fun. If you like shitty Christmas movies. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But save your time with our little secret.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I do like how everyone's rooting for Lindsay Lohan, though. She looks great. She looks great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
She seems like she's got her act together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I'm all about it. She like... doesn't she with some guy that's sort of like a human trafficker out of Greece, right? Doesn't she own like a... I'm rooting for her. I want her to have a good life. Is she with Angie Tate?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Is that what's happening? She's just like out there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I believe that she's with some gangster. We're all rooting for her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I am definitely rooting for her, you know? Yeah, sure, she abandoned the Mykonos Beach Club.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, she was in the Mykonos Beach Club. Oh, yeah, she abandoned them. They needed her. What's the Mykonos Beach Club? She had a reality television show where she was ostensibly whitewashing her life, living in Greece. Now she's got a Mykonos Beach Club. And she had, like, an accent for a while that was interesting. I think that that's just getting—I feel like more people truly—
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Need to ease up on gaining an accent while on vacation. Yeah. Because you're just trying to ingratiate yourself with the locals. Lindsay Lohan, yeah, she's obviously not from Mykonos, but at the same time, when in Mykonos... You gotta assimilate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Now, Eddie, I know you also dislike shitty Christmas movies, but did you happen to check out the Dr. Seuss The Grinch musical Live?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
No, I would never. That was wonderful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I dare say it might be worth it just because it's so bad. Like a Broadway? It was on live television. Oh. But it's a special. Yes. I forgot about this, Jackie. Yes. And I actually would love it if you check, because I think it's on Hulu. You can still watch it on Hulu. Who's playing the Grinch? Is that Tilda Swinton? No, it's, oh God, what's his fucking name? It is horrible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh, Matthew Morrison, the lead, the the uncharismatic lead teacher man from Glee.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
He tries to make the Grinch like horny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Very, very uncomfortable. The Grinch is specifically not horny. This is the thing. But he does all of this like dancing movement like he's trying to be horny. seductive evil. Yeah, why is he being sexy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh, and I don't like the person is the dog. Yeah, and that's which... Well, you have to have a person as a dog. A person, a dog can't sing. I would like that. I'd rather have a dog on stage. Of course. And let it bark through. I mean, one of my favorite Christmas carols is the dog's barking jingle bells.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
So our Halloween movie show, our horror movie show, people really liked it. People did enjoy it. So we figured as a Christmas gift to the audience, we would come back and talk about Christmas movies with Jackie. Me, I love a good Christmas movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I'm not happy you go caroling. It's like, all right, everybody, Jingle Bells, but King of Dome. King of Dome. Growl it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
All right, so my- Can I watch it? Now we're just going to say something here. I'm watching this musical playing. This is why musicals are dead and over. It's because of this moment of Grinch dancing with his dog on live television that they put a lot of money in. A lot of money. A lot of money. Went into making this a thing because this was live when it was done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Do you think they beat him when this was over? I hope they did. Have we heard of Matthew Morrison ever since?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
He looks like a moron. This is the worst shit I have. This is the worst fucking garbage. Look at this. What is he even doing? What is this? He's just kind of trapped back where he's being sexy. He's doing the same moves as Madonna from Like a Virgin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Just close your legs. You're the Grinch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I don't want to see your Grinch taint. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
My gosh, he's sexless. He has no genitals. Yeah, it's just all of it. He's really just, I'm going to say, not good in it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But it is kind of fun because it's not that long. So if you're looking for something to have on in the background to just like zone in on every couple of minutes being like, what the fuck is happening? Throw it on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah. What's your worst Christmas movie, Eddie? Because you have a hard time. You are, of all the people I know, and people who watch as many films as you do, you have... a truly accepting nature. Well, I'm always just impressed that they finished making a movie. That's what I talk about with Natalie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Whenever we watch something that's extremely bad, the thing that we always remind ourselves as we're watching stuff, it's like, you know, they made a movie. What are we doing? What are we doing right now? We're sitting watching something that they went and put the time and effort in to make, and yes, it was wasted time, wasted effort, wasted money, but they did it. They have a project at the end.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
They got it done. So I was drawn between two, and one of them is a series of films that I can't stand. But before we get into that, I'm going to say Spirited fucking sucks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I am fine with them. Now we're talking about Christmas movies. I'm glad we are because it is Christmas Day. This is the last day in which I am happy. I believe I've received enough Christmas. I started celebrating Christmas with the rest of society as I was forced to on December 1st. I have gone and seen several trees. I saw the big tree. I went to 30 Rock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Spirited is, if, like, the only way to really describe it is that it's so corporate. Mm. It's so utterly direct.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And I love Sunita, and I wanted the best for her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I was so happy to see her, but that movie fucking blowed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
You know what it is? It's the problem. I've noticed this. I was talking about this with my mom recently. There's no... They're having a hard time creating another Christmas classic film.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Well, the thing is, they used to come out once every three years, a Christmas movie when we were younger. Now, there's like 10 a year, and we're supposed to like all of them, and the story never changes? I'm fucking sick of it. Spirited was dog shit. It was forced. It was rushed, it seemed like. It was, like, slop. The set design was sloppy. It was a whole thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I haven't seen an Apple movie I like, by the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Also, can we... Can I say this? Because we just saw... We saw the L.A. Gay Men's Choir. It was fantastic. And they sang their first... It was candy-focused, this Christmas thing, right? The first half... was from Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. They sang those songs. And those songs are so fun, and they're so emotional and emotive and evocative.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And then, the second half, they decided to sing three songs from the new songs. It felt like nine songs. It did. What is with modern musicals? If you get a chance to see the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles, you should go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
They do, like, three big shows a year. It's wonderful. But I, like, was so surprised at, like... We are better at ever than we should be better at ever than any and everything. Yeah. But it's so funny when they're like, we can't write a good musical anymore. It feels like it feels like that type of thing where you are, you know, I wasn't into Hamilton. I'm not into Lin Manuel, blah, blah, blah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I'm not into that guy. I'm not into like this, this, that style of musical either. It's just weird to go see a musical that has no, I was like, there's three songs here where you, I couldn't tell you what the chorus was. Like not to be anything. I can't tell. I'm like, and I'm feeling like an old man being here being like, am I wrong that this song has no chorus or bridge? It has nothing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I'm not walking away humming it. I have no idea what's going on. Like at the end of the fucking, the original Willy Wonka movie, you know, every song, even though you've only heard it once in the movie, you're walking out singing the song.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
oh man Pure Imagination is a gorgeous song wonderful song gorgeous fucking song and it's like Wicked Wicked's not for me though but you like Wicked did you see Wicked you liked it I enjoyed it very much no one told us it was a part one yes that is very upsetting it's very very it's the new tactic it's between that and also the amount of movies that pretend like they're not a musical and then you go and see it and they're a musical I just saw Amelia Perez and that happened to me I didn't know I saw the preview it wasn't I didn't know it was a musical and I went and it was fucking awful
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Don't lie during the trailer. I feel like it's a don't bury the lead, bro. People want to know what they're going to go see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, I couldn't handle it. No, because no one would go, because people hate musicals, because they can't write good musicals anymore. They don't know what they're doing with them. I don't know why. Just hire pop singers to write the songs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
This movie's going to win all the Oscars this year, apparently, and I just like, I can't hate it more. I couldn't get through 30 minutes. This I was in a theater of eight people and six of them were laughing about how bad it was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Even though I dislike them, I'm actually really confused as to why isn't Ed Sheeran, who is one of my least favorite artists in the world, but he can write a catchy-ass song. Why is he not writing all of the songs for a musical? You just doomed us. I'm just saying. But unfortunately, as much as I hate all of his songs, they're getting right in my head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I went down to, fuck it, I went to two malls. I saw we went to the Gay Men's Choir, which was amazing and special.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I know half of his songs for some reason because I've heard them on the radio. Who's that guy? Groban. What's he do? Josh Groban.
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Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
He's just a singer, though. He's not a writer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, he has a new deck. Shit. Matthew Morrison also, who's only in two other things since The Grinch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
So this is what I wanted to say is the thing about Christmas movies, and I don't hold these as Christmas movies because obviously there's a lot more going on, but I feel like they're jammed down my throat every Christmas. And I never liked them. I can't like them. I've tried several times. Fuck these Harry Potter movies. Oh, of course. I am just sick of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's like, this is not a Christmas movie. They bring it up for a little while in the middle of the movie, and then everyone's calling them Christmas movies. And they're just jammed down my throat. Every Christmas is Harry Potter, and I fucking, he's a piece of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
No, that is just one of those things that's all marketing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's just marketing. They also push Lord of the Rings, which I'm kind of down for because I like something that takes like an entire day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yes. And so what's awesome is that the second we press stop on this recording, I get to be finally out of Christmas. Wow. You're hosting Christmas. Christmas Eve, it's different. Christmas Eve is nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But it's not a Christmas movie. You know what it is? It's a time off from work movie. And I feel like that, I wonder if there are like, because to me that's different. And I feel like those are, you settle in. Right, like I love a time off from work movie. Those are the, that's when I sit and watch Napoleon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
That's when I sit and watch something long and difficult. But also the Harry Potter movies dropped during, like they were all released during Christmas time. So I feel like a lot of people created like traditions around watching them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And then rewatching them before the next one would drop. Like, I think that that is why it's more like a tradition that people created for themselves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Also, you know what happened to me with Harry Potter? When the first movie came out, I'm working at a restaurant called Garfield's. It's basically Fridays. It was in the Tallahassee Mall. I remember Garfield's. And Harry Potter, the first Harry Potter movie came out. In the mall, the movie theater was across the hall from Garfield's in the mall on Black Friday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And it was one of the worst days of my whole fucking life. And then we were at like a two-hour wait, and so people started getting the idea to order to go. Oh, Garfield's closed. Thank God. They were awful. But yeah, people got the idea to start ordering to-go food. And so the tickets just started coming in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And people were just eating to-go food in the middle of the fucking mall and throwing it on the ground and shit. It was a fucking disaster. So I think that's where my hatred for Harry Potter comes from. But it's because of the trauma of that day. I understand that. But I do like a Butterbeer. Sure. I like butterbeer with bourbon in it. Oh, well, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Well, you've got to have to buy the bourbon separate, and then when the bartender's not looking, you pour it in there. Yeah. Because they're not allowed to serve you a spiked butterbeer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But it's much better that way. Much better that way. Much better that way. I actually, I'm kind of, I'm neutral on the Harry Potter thing, just because I do know that, I don't know, I just fucking, I don't even think about them. I don't think about them during Christmas time. Now, I'm trying to re-herald within my own life, Gremlins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Because for a long time I left Gremlins alone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's so good. I left it just because I kind of felt like as a child I overwatched it. I watched it so many times. And so I hadn't seen it probably in a couple, like literally a decade or so.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And then I sat and watched it probably like two or three weeks ago. I really think that it might be one of my favorite Christmas movies. And I know that it's very stereotypical of me, but also... I mean, it's unbelievable. The movie itself is fantastic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Christmas Eve doesn't, Jesus ain't here yet. That's what's nice about Christmas Eve. Wait, does he show up on Christmas Day? Yeah, in the morning. That's when he flops out of her fucking big raggedy ass pussy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
The characters are amazing. Well, that's the thing. And how do you feel about movies that are technically Christmas movies? Because that's why when I was talking about the criteria earlier, that I've started peppering in Edward Scissorhands in my yearly watches. It's on my list right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Because it's such a good movie, but then is it still like, I feel like some people are like, it's not Christmassy enough to be a Christmas movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh, if you're going to watch Harry Potter, then fucking Edward Scissorhands is way more Christmassy. It's about snow. This is the thing. It's on the list. Like, what's its butts? Okay, good. It's on the list. Batman Returns also. Lethal Weapon. Fucking awesome. Amazing. I love watching Lethal Weapon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But the one of them that I always go to that I just want to give a shout out to and I love and I feel like the world shunned this movie and no one talks about it ever. Trapped in Paradise. God, I love that movie. I haven't thought of Trapped in Paradise in so long.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It is so funny. Dana Carvey is the kleptomaniac.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I love this movie. John Lovage. Everyone is killing it in this movie. Can I ask though? Upon rewatch, because you rewatch it closer than I watch it, do they not steal the dynamic of the Home Alone thieves?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
They're not getting beat up on. We just rewatched Home Alone and Home Alone 2, and it is kind of funny because Home Alone, you forget why. It's obviously a classic film. John Candy, I forget, is the sneaker, the best part of the whole movie, weirdly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I invited some people to your house on Christmas Eve. Oh yeah? Who's coming? Some people. I'm not going to be there though. So if you can just entertain them and feed them, I'd appreciate it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I remember loving it as a kid and then re-watching it as an adult just recently. I was like, oh, the first 45 minutes of the movie is the exact same as Home Alone 1, except he goes to New York.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I was trying to look up the length. Yes, it does. The fighting. But it's the same, though. Yeah. It's just the same pranks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Same pranks. Yeah. Trapped in Paradise, I will say it is an hour and 51 minutes and it does feel it. That's the thing is that it needed and that it will be it's forever. Like the letdown is that it's longer than you remember. Yeah. So it's one of those. But it's it's the mid 90s. You know what? How I feel like it always added like way more trying to have like real moments.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And it's like we didn't need it. We didn't need it. I literally just want to watch Nick Cage, Dana Carvey and John Lovitz be them. That's all I wanted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Because she is an amazing character actress. You know what you're saying is so hilarious, too, because I was just looking this up for some reason. I wanted to see Dumb and Dumber was almost two hours long. And there was no reason for Dumb and Dumber. Even though Dumb and Dumber is fantastic, it's just the things that are bad in Dumb and Dumber are all the genuine moments.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Well, actually, I'm wrong about Dumb and Dumber because I do love the, I'm sick of being a fucking nobody. Like when he does that like weird emotional monologue.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Maybe that Uncle Ron guy. What's his name, the guy I've been watching on Instagram, Uncle Ron?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
That thing was like, you remember that? Like he does that weird out of nowhere where he's just like hyper emotional and real in the apartment before they go on the road trip.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But that's the thing. And I feel like Dumb and Dumber is in that same place with Trapped in Paradise in the same place as like My Blue Heaven. Dumb and Dumber is like a classic. But I'm saying we watched it because it was on TV all the time. I feel like I watched the first hour of Dumb and Dumber a hundred million times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
We would just catch 20 minutes of a movie back in the day because it was just randomly on TV. You'd see the middle of a movie three million times just because that's what happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I always found it so sad that Dana Carvey never really got his movie star ascension. That he never really got the project that took off of the... like really took off. Like, he just had, like, you know, besides Wayne's World. But, man, he really did. But it's Wayne's World. It is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Uncle Ron is Ron Pertee. That's not who you're thinking of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, and Master of Disguise. You forgot. Oh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Speaking of Trapped in Paradise, The Ref is very similar. You guys, when's the last time you all seen The Ref? I haven't seen The Ref in a long time. Yeah, it's around the same time period. Dennis Leary, it's got a lot of similar themes, like someone kidnaps a family kind of on Christmas, and it's bad guys learning to be good through the love of Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
No, there's a guy that we've been watching that's highly inappropriate. Oh, and he's also called Uncle Ron? Yeah, he's called, like, Uncle Roy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
The world really was... captivated by Dennis Leary for a period of time. And then he just kind of went, he was on that Rescue Me show for like fucking 10 years. I had no idea how long that show was on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Dude, they had like a compound in New York. I auditioned for that show once and they had like a full floor of a giant building.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, it was wild. You know what movie always makes me think of you, Eddie, at Christmas time? That's the movie Mixed Nuts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
One of my favorites. It always makes me think of you. Suicide hotline Christmas movie in Los Angeles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
In Los Angeles. I think Madeline Kahn's last movie, I believe. And I just remember watching this just drunk in the middle of the day when we used to live together. And you're just like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Nuts again! Yeah, you guys re-watched Mixed Nuts a lot. I bought it. I know. You love that movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
That's one of those movies that like... 18% on Rotten Tomatoes?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh, yeah, he's very upsetting, Jackie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I love you with all my heart, Abby, but if you re-watch it... I watch it every year almost. All right, well, I'm glad you like it. When's the last time you've seen it? The last time I remember seeing a chunk of it, I was just like, oh, wow. Some of this doesn't age well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But also, I mean, Julie Haggerty. I love Julie Haggerty. She's the female lead in that movie. She's from Airplane.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
to find this before we start talking about we should not be plugging this guy your phone's over here i think that he's yeah he's a fucking problem no he's definitely like my father's potential favorite comedian but he doesn't mean he's a good man no oh yeah no it's uncle yeah uncle ron oh it is uncle yeah it is uncle ron he said some really controversial stuff and he likes to piss his own pants
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
She's wonderful. The cast is perfect. It's one of Adam Sandler's first movies. Wow. Wow. That's actually very interesting. Juliette Lewis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Liam Neeson plays a trans person trying to deal with Christmas. It's one of the first movies to deal with this subject.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I do think it's interesting. I think it's interesting. I think the subject matter is very interesting. I think it was during a weird period in Steve Martin's career. It was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Which I appreciated about him. He made a bunch of weird choices back in the day before he started making all the movies. What was that thing where he had the 19 kids? Cheaper by the dozen. Cheaper by the dozen, where he kind of fucking gave up a little bit. You know what I just rewatched? What? I know this is kind of a hard right, but it's pretty fucking great. Have you ever seen Rare Exports?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I never actually saw it. A lot of hanging dong. You will really like Rare Exports. You know, I met the director when they were promoting the movie. He came into Poor House, Village Poor House. He came in and he's like, do you mind if we put the poster up? And I was like, go for it, bud. Yeah, take it a little my way up there. Because it was playing at the movie theater across the street.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah. It's one of the better Christmas horror movies, I think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It has 76 more percent. than Mixed Nuts? Yes. Is that what we're trying to talk about here?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, I guess so. That is fucking bullshit. I would say it is that much more of a better film. No way!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I will die on this hill because it is hard for me to get up the hill.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It was just on... The last drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs, he just did a whole section on rare exports. It's fucking great. I'll check that out this year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's truly, truly a... I might watch it tonight, actually.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's probably top five horror Christmas horrors. That Black Christmas, the OG.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I mean, well, now Terrifier 3 is taking the reins. Terrifier 3 is taking the reins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Thank you, Terrifier 3. I want to say thank you again for taking up the cause of adding to the Christmas horror movie lexicon. That is what you, we need this. Yeah. We needed you. Yep. And also, I just saw you floated past Die Hard. Oh, my God. Die Hard 2. Our mother, our beloved mother, she was like, oh, the best movie I've seen this year. You've got to see it. Red One. You've got to see it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
We rented it and we put it on and literally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I don't know what it was on. I just clicked on it. Did you pay for a Netflix movie? I legitimately just wanted my mom to be engaged with something. It does have a talking bear. I put it on, and as we're sitting and watching it, Natalie leans over to me, and she's like, Is this what prison is like?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
At least in this prison, you get a juiced up J.K. Simmons. You know, I don't want to watch the movie, but at least, you know, J.K. Simmons has got abs and he's taken all kinds of human growth hormones.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Can I say this about J.K. Simmons? Dude, calm the fuck down, man. You don't need to be this ripped. It's bad for you at this age. It's extremely bad. You're going to die much earlier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
You're going to die much earlier because of this. He's huge now. He's definitely juiced. That's not Natty, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Look at his arms. That is not fucking natural. You need to watch yourself, buddy. It's not about... You've got to be careful. Your heart's going to fucking explode. But it was like, what happened... I am proud of him. What happened to Christmas action movies? I thought that was really funny. At the top of Scrooge, you forget. Like, we try to watch it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
We ended up... We're like, oh, we've got to make dinner. And we shut off Red 1 very quickly, like 25 minutes in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I was like, I sit and think, I was like, oh, Red One is literally what the beginning of Scrooge is making fun of. Yes, exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Is he a postman? You know, speaking of Christmas... I don't think he has a job. I used to have... When I worked at the Village Poorhouse in the East Village, I remember we used to have, like, big Christmas parties all the time. And they'd be like, that was when you would make a lot of money that time of year. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And now we're watching, now it's real and it's bad. It's extremely bad. But then you think about Die Hard, which is a great example of this awesome, you know, like now it's obviously kind of meme-y. Everyone's talking about it all the time in terms of like being a Christmas movie. It's just a great movie. It just happens to take place at Christmas, which is, you want, I just want more of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I want more of that. I think what was nice about Die Hard, about the Christmas thing, is that it's not a Christmas film, but the Christmas part of it adds this emotional weight. Of course. You know, that makes it so fucking, that's much heavier for him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Speaking of emotional weight, when was... I have been getting bigger. I'm glad. It is an intervention. I got a corset for him. When was the last time you watched the movie Prancer? I would say like a decade ago. I haven't watched it since I was a kid, but I remember specifically being traumatized by this movie. I saw it in the theater.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Don't they just shoot a ladies prize reindeer in the head or whatever? Something, but I didn't know if I should go back and watch it. Apparently it's magical, but isn't it very sad?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I mean, there's lots of sad stuff. Doesn't Prancer get like, molested or something no eaten by the way we had we had reindeer recently delicious it's so good i'm sure it might be the best meat i'm sure i love an elk i ate some reindeer and it pranced out of me into shit i bet man oh sometimes it goes down greasy comes out greasier but apparently
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
chloris leachman is in prancer and i love chloris leachman i mean she's you know people take work you know like prancer is work i know sam elliott's in it too yeah yeah these are you know i remember loving prancer when i was a kid crying and then seeing it again like 10 years ago and it was like this dog shit oh yeah he does get sold to a butcher yeah he gets sold to a fucking butcher that's why it's so traumatizing the living fuck
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And then I remember American Airlines came in, and they were like, we're going to have a big party in the back, and we charge the shit out of them. We jack that shit up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Honestly, it would have been cute if they fucking chopped it up, made it into a bunch of sausages, and then they ate it, and they all started floating. Oh, that would be cute. And then Santa comes and rigs up those fucking cannibals up to a fucking sled, and he makes the people pull the fucking sled.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I love this. Fucking reindeers are free for the fuck's sake.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Can I rapid-fire some movies at you to close out the show? Love this. All right, Santa's Sleigh. Have you ever seen it with Goldberg where he plays Santa and he just goes around killing people? No! S-L-A-W? No, I've never seen Goldberg. It's really bad, but he just kills the fuck out of people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Wait, actually, can you put that at the top of this? Rob, there's a disclaimer on the top of this video about Santa's Sleigh that I wanted to read here real quick that just said the term... What is it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Like, give us your fucking money. That's what you get, man. Give me that fucking stupid comfort seating. Yeah, yeah. Fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Hi, I'm Scott, and I'm glad you like the Goldberg videos I upload to The Legend as I've received recently diagnosed with cancer, which is why I may have the YouTube channel as a tribute to Goldberg to help cheer me up. I put most of my time uploading videos or applying to all you great, amazing supporters. If you could spare any donations, it would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
If not, no worries. I hope you enjoy the channel. I will continue to upload videos daily on the road to recovery. Thanks, Scott. If you could spare any donations, it would be much appreciated. How many years ago was this? Two years ago. All right, well, let's find out if he's alive. No, I don't want to give this guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, I don't want to spoil it. Yeah, I don't know what this guy does. Oh, he's still got the, you know, I don't know. Me and my father have been diagnosed. No discrimination. What are you talking about? What?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But what happened was we jacked it up to an obscene amount of money. They agreed to pay it. But you know, remember how the postman used to always get drunk at our, one of them was stumbled in the back and pissed and shit his pants in the middle of the party. That's what I'm talking about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Just keep putting up those Goldberg videos, buddy. You never know what's going to come. Yeah, yeah, I think that's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Krampus. Yes. I like it, but it's not that great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's not as good as I remember it. It should be better. But I like the practical puppets. Yes. I like that a lot of it outside of the gingerbread men, I like that it's practical and that does keep me coming back to it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I also like seeing it in theaters. I remember when we saw it in theaters, it was awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Hot Frosty? Did you see it yet, Jackie? I did. Was it good? Well, it really depends on how you feel about the whole idea of a baby, child, adult, and if you want to fuck that. It's like big, kind of. Exactly. But it is a snowman turned into a human being. It's a snowman turned into a human being that Lacey Chabert tries to fuck. And because she just lost her husband and she's a widow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I have to see this. And it's like the hot guy from Schitt's Creek. From Schitt's Creek.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
We should show this. We should watch this as a group, Jackie. It's a brand new movie. I even dare say. You called him the hot guy from Schitt's Creek? He's just got.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
He's one of the. Oh, is that the guy with the beard? He's the veterinarian. Yeah, but he's got way more shredded recently. Yes. He wasn't like that on Schitt's Creek. He was very attractive. If you're supposed to be hot frosty, I think you're supposed to look like that, unfortunately, for some people. But it's how you depend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I also really enjoyed poor things, but I know a lot of people were like, baby lady, you fuck a baby lady. It was a great movie. People are incorrect. So that's why I enjoy hot frosty, but I understand that some people were very upset. about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Why? Because he's a baby man. No, he's a fucking snowman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Listen, if he had Down Syndrome, it'd be different. That was my biggest issue. How offensive would that have been? If a snowman turned into a Down Syndrome adult. How mad would everybody be then? And then she tries to fuck him? Imagine. Everybody be super angry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh, don't be fun as a movie that's just like a flashlight that comes to life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And it's just like, fill me, fill me up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Please ask me a question about myself, my wants, my needs. It should remain a flashlight then. As someone that is a self-described monster fucker, I was upset because I didn't realize that the snowman turned into a human being. I thought she was going to fuck a snowman and that's what I wanted to watch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Eastern Promises. Very good. That's an Eastern Promises movie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I should watch this on Christmas Day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh, yeah. I know. Easter Promises has a bunch of Christmases. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking love Easter Promises. I only remember the naked fight. That's all I remember about it. I mean, the whole movie's great. It starts off with a brutal murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I am so upset, man. Dress as a postman. I love this. We were just watching Scrooge, and I was thinking about this. Man, I am so sad that we missed out on big, drunk, corporate parties where everybody made horrible mistakes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
We're moving. Family Stone. I know you love it, Jackie. I do. Might be my favorite. I do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I know. I'm just not into sad. I don't like sad. I don't like to feel sad. I'm already sad. All right. People go both ways on this movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Love Actually. Yeah. You know, I think I hate it more than anything else. I think I have decided that I finally, officially, truly, very much hate Love Actually. I just found out Keira Knightley, 17 in the movie. In real life, she's 17. I did not know that. She did not want to do the cue card scene. She thought that it was very uncomfortable.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And she's a 17-year-old, and so apparently they had to shoot it multiple times because she was so visibly upset while she was doing it, she couldn't act her way through it. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Unfortunately, though, sometimes. I mean, I guess that's what happens. But she was a child? Child.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And she's supposed to be, like, married and everything. It's just all... It is weird. Old days.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And then, of course, everybody gets upset with the shopping girl. I like to watch Liam Mason cry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Of course, and also Emma Thompson cry. I love to watch anybody be sad on Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I want to go to his house and make him cry. I'm sure he's crying on Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
He is riding that fucking cheese all night. Because they're making Nick the Gun remake together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Oh, my God. Madly in love with Pamela Anderson. Yes. God, that's a happy ending. Oh, I love this. Isn't it great? Isn't that the best connection? Yes, it is. And it just shows you that anything's possible as long as you're almost seven feet tall, rich, Famous movie star. Got a great brogue. That's all you need to do is be Irish, handsome, millionaire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Holdovers, wonderful film. Really enjoyed it. I like that movie. Holdovers was really good. And I got to say, we forgot one perfect Christmas film. I feel like it's a good one to close out with. It's a little film called How to Ruin the Holidays. And apparently How to Ruin the Holidays is a new Christmas classic. Is to watch the film. is the best way to ruin the holiday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
He's roasting my work. Oh, I know. I love you, Henry, but I haven't also watched it yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I went to the theater. I saw it. I went. I booed. It was great. Thank you. But I did feel that it was a pretty good film.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It was. It was a pretty good film. It was fine. You're like Robert De Niro in Cape Fear. That's my friend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But just understand, the problem with those parties is that, like, let's say there's 60 people there. 20 people are having the best night of their life. 20 of the people are just, it's fine, it's wherever, they want to get the hell out of there. And 20 of the people experience a life-shattering trauma that ends their career and ends their lives. Holiday's all about a crapshoot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, well, that was the last movie I was in, so... There we go. I hope you guys go rent that, huh?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
You guys go rent How to Ruin the Holidays.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Because that'll really help the dividends. Not for me. I don't make any money off of it, but it would be... But Colin Mochrie needs it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I don't think... He makes money off it. I liked seeing him in a big role. He's great, too. And also, he's extremely nice. He's a great guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
You're the bad boy neighbor. You're the M. Emmett Walsh of Christmas with the Cranks. I am.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah. Yeah, I'm the mean neighbor. I'm the mean neighbor. That's why they hired me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Sometimes, just be in yourself. It goes a long way. It really does. And didn't you have to shoot across the... In a different house because you had COVID?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
No, I had... I found out I had COVID on set. This was many years... This was 2021, the first time I had had COVID. And I did not know that I was sick. I took a rapid test and a DeLong, the big test, remember? Oh, yeah. And then I tested negative on the rapid test. I shot a day, but then I started not feeling very good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And then it wasn't until the next day that it turned out I tested positive for COVID. But I didn't give it to anybody else. Man, I gave it to a lot of people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
When I did the L word, I didn't realize I had COVID and I just wasn't feeling good, but wasn't testing positive. And they tested me twice on set and I wasn't testing positive. And then it turns out I found out later on, gave a bunch of people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Well, I'm sorry. At least you gave them something for Christmas. Yeah, come on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Come on. Thank you so much. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Happy fucking holidays. We love you guys. Thank you for listening to this show. I hope you're having a great time. And when you're at home with your family, remember, you don't have to be nice all the time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
You really don't. And honestly, sometimes those fuckers kind of got to go do their own thing. And you let them go do their own thing. But, you know, you're not responsible for everybody's activities during the holidays.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yes. Amen. And it's going to be over soon. Take some personal time and remember to take a walk and smoke some weed. Yep. Take a drink in the garage. Go and clean your guns. And if you're looking for any last minute Christmas gifts and you live in the Atlanta area, last podcast on the left is going to be doing a show with Coca-Cola Roxy on January 11th. Come and check that out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
We got shows in Dallas, Toronto, Detroit, and Nashville next year booked. We're going to book some more soon. But more importantly... Watch Good Pud. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Dingle bells, dingle bells, dingle all the way. I got a dick and it dingles and it pees out its front. Hey, dingle bells, dingle bells, I pee on my balls. Why is he doing this perverted song? Yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, I like our new show. It is so good. It's unbelievable. Spend time watching Good Pud. Really freak out the squares with this show. It's a wonderful thing. Hell yeah. Yeah. Good work, Eddie. Happy holidays.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Happy holidays, everybody. Love you all. Don't let the new year hit you in the ass, huh? Yeah, man. Jerk off. Yep. Take mommy out of the room. All right? Give me Patreon. That's my last time. jerk off
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
You never know what's going to come up. But I want my ass on the copy machine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, Jackie, you can do that at home.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, we'll get you a copy machine. Can you find me one, please?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
They still have them somewhere, right? Oh, yeah, or a scanner at least. Now, this is one of the questions I have that I had prepped for today, and this is a perfect way to go into it. I know we're eventually going to get to what we think are the worst Christmas movies ever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, but before we get into that, since we're talking about Scrooged, I wanted to get your opinion, because I know we all love Scrooged. I think Scrooged is probably top five, one of my top ten movies. Scrooged, or you can only keep one, Buffy Christmas Carol, because they're basically the same plot. They are. Fuck all the other Scrooged movies and all that stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Can't we just burn the books of Charles Dickens instead? Charles Calkins, please. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
According to Uncle Rob. So, I mean, what is, like, to me, I feel like I used to love Scrooged more, but as time goes by, Muppet Christmas Carol is irreplaceable.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Muppet Christmas Carol is objectively a better film than Scrooged. Better acted. Well, I'd say in terms of the accuracy to the material, the way the material is presented, how much fun I'm having when I'm watching it. I love singing the song. Looking at their little Muppet feet. I love Muppets, and I think that it's a better film, but I think that it's kind of the opposite for me as I get older.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Scrooged is evil. But Scrooged, I learn more from. You think so? Like the ending monologue for Scrooged, which even though it's hard because Bill Murray was, I guess, famously a piece of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
on that set on most sets apparently yeah he was a unfortunately even though he's my comedy hero one of my comedy heroes and i'd faint if i met him he's one of those people that he you know he technically took that entire set hostage and he did whatever he wanted with it but that ending speech that he gives is so heartfelt yeah and so like it felt like bill murray talking to himself
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Right. It felt like a man, a hard man talking to himself in the only way he can, which is through character on camera and convincing himself that Christmas is good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And him and Karen Allen together is electric.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But what about that? 15 years later and they're just making out. It's very creepy. It is very. I think it is. It is a little bit creepy that it's all of a sudden it's like he is against every fiber of your being. It's never going to work. But I have a question for you guys. We talk about this on page seven every year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
How do you feel about the fact that on Disney Plus and also I believe the DVDs they took out in Muppet Christmas Carol, they took out The Love is Gone. But you can watch it in the extended version, like the theatrical version on Disney Plus. But it's not the original thing that you click on. So they take out what I call is the fulcrum of the movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Why is he doing a song about urine? Yeah, well, last year I had shingle bells, everybody. You did that. You already did that joke at me. I do that joke constantly every holiday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
They take out the love song because they're like, kids don't like it. It's boring. It doesn't test well. But it's such an amazing song. And it's also wonderful. Very important to the story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Because it makes you understand what happened to Scrooge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
So I dare say that I would choose Scrooge if we're talking about Muppet Christmas Carol without When Love Is Gone. Okay. But with When Love Is Gone, I feel that Muppet Christmas Carol is... It hurts me to say it, but it's a better song.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's a better movie. The love's gone. The sweetest dream. I did not see this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I know also Scrooge has Jeffrey Joseph.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Which is very important. And I can text him each time or comment on Instagram that I just saw you in the film.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And it never fails that I watch it legitimately every year and it always makes me laugh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It really does. It's filled with jokes. Richard Donner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Who would have thought? So good. But again, it's all Bill Murray. And then the other, and the characters, it was the, it's just an incredibly cast film. It's just so good. It's so well cast. Bobcat Goldthwait, which then you think about Bobcat Goldthwait, how he made an entire superstar level career with just having a funny voice. Yeah. Yeah, dude. It's the dream.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It just doesn't happen anymore, but he made it like a dream that you thought you could get. Do you remember he had an entire summer blockbuster film of him talking to a horse? Oh, Hot the Trot. Yeah. John Candy played the horse. It was a huge movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah. But his Bigfoot movie, actually, I don't think was that bad. Oh, I enjoyed it. Willow Creek was good. It's not, like, it is definitely one of those that's like, it's more in your brain than of what you're seeing, so it's not like, I think a lot of people thought it was boring, but I thought it was fun. It was fun. God Bless America is pretty crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I like God Bless America, but it's also kind of, it's interesting. It also doesn't, I don't know if it holds up. It doesn't hold up as much, but also is like more poignant than ever at the same time. I love Bob Cuthbert as a director. Willow Creek I thought was kind of weak, only just because Bigfoot I don't find scary.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Sounds like you need new Christmas humor, eh?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I also, you're right, Bigfoot is not scary. I went into it knowing nothing about it. I think that's why I enjoyed it because I didn't know absolutely anything. So, you know, sometimes you got to throw one of those on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But Bobcat Goldthwait is a very good director. And that's the kind of the rest of the cast. Father of the Year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
God, Father of the Year still holds up. I watched it a couple years ago. I was just like, man. Robin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
williams is so funny in that movie yeah he's so funny that's like and i think that was like one of the last roles that he was all the way there for too i believe well that was the one where oh no it's not father of the year what's like world's greatest dad yes that's what it was yeah father of the year is david spade Yeah, that's a very different movie. It's a different one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's a good one. You know where it originated? It'll never be as good as where it originated. One time on Christmas, I called my Aunt Patty, and she's like, I have shingles. And I was just like, oh, you mean shingle bells? And then she got really mad and hung up the phone. I bet I'd also hang up the phone. That's proof that it was a great joke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, World's Greatest Dad is the one where he has to deal with his son committing suicide. It's so interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Rob Williams has also been in the movie called Man of the Year and Father's Day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
So you can see where we get confused.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
There's a lot of movies out there. But one thing we wanted to talk about today, I think most important in this world of negativity, we wanted to talk about what we consider to be the worst. The worst of them. The worst Christmas movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Because everybody talks about the best ones. And we will. I personally, I understand, I'm against, I have an unpopular opinion if I dislike all of the old maudlin Christmas movies. I don't know what you're talking about. I hate Miracle on 34th Street. Really? I don't like Meet Me in St. Louis. I don't like A White Christmas. I don't like any of those. You know what it is?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
They're good for the daytime, not nighttime. How do I say... They're all movies made by horrible, abusive drunks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But it was good. I mean, The Wizard of Oz is good. You know what it is? They inspire an emotional response in me that I don't like. It's a Wonderful Life also does it. Those are the type of things that it's like, that's not what I like from Christmas. I hate sad movies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
You ain't said anything. I feel like any time you feel precipitation on your face, you just go, I hope I'm sweating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, Jackie and I live in the sad world. I like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Well, Jackie likes to cry. I dislike crying. But it's not for me. I just don't like sad films.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I refuse to work out, and tears are the same solution as sweat. You're correct.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Because it's just your body crying. You're damn right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
But I think that the worst Christmas movie of all time, as far as I'm concerned... is Christmas with the Cranks. Wow! And Christmas with the Cranks, the reason why I absolutely can't stand that movie is that it is unfortunately Tim Allen at the end of his powers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
He's got him back. He's got his powers back. Jamie Lee Curtis is kind of fun in it. I don't think it deserves 5% on Rotten Tomatoes. If you like these kind of shit Christmas movies, it is perfect for that. It's not, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Do you understand what the message of that movie is? The very center of that movie is don't you even try to be different. It's literally about don't try to be different. Do the same thing that you've always done. Do what we do. Don't do what other people want you to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
You're right, because that's the audience that needed to receive it. Hell yeah. You gotta rib the person that's got the shingles, always. If she can't take a joke, how's she gonna handle the rest of the shingles?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's all about conforming and coming home to a family that you don't want to go to. And then you got to go and be a part of this community. ritual that you don't want to necessarily be in and everybody's pressuring you and screaming at you about how you're ruining everything because you don't want to do it and everybody's a fucking busy body in the movie and I don't like the message of the movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It makes me angry. All right. All right. Yes, that's the thing. It's literally the message of the... It's not even just the movie. I'm not talking about the casting. Dan Aykroyd's in it. I love him. Yeah. There's a couple other funny little bits in there. I mean, he's been in a lot of shitty movies. Oh, yeah. He just needs the money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And now that he's... You know, and he's got... He's cheating, so... He's spending for two. Yeah. Ted Aykroyd got divorced. Yes. After like 40 years of marriage, man. Men are dumb. Man, something broke that camel's back, I tell you what. It's Ted Aykroyd. He got sick of turning it down.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Look at him now. This just happened. Look at how thick his neck is. It's what everybody dreams of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
They're separating, so maybe they work it out. They are legally married.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Well, they're estranged, which is almost worse than divorce. He says he always goes to visit his wife Donna's magnificent home. He has purchased. What are you going to do, man? You can't keep one of my boys down. That's a Blues brother, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
That's my celebration right there, man. The freedom of Dan Aykroyd. He needs to be free, dude. We need to get him out there, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Do you think it had anything to do with his obsession of the occult and aliens? And maybe it's a look into your future? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
UFOs and love of the material kills love. I've been saying this for years. They were married for 39 years. No, but he got thirsty. He met some horny ass fucking, probably some lady with no bra on from Southern California or Sedona, Arizona. They wanted to tell him all about crystals and stuff. And he's like, oh, you mean crystals I can buy? And she's like, no. And she shows her hard nipples. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Get some cream. You really got to smile your way through it. Welcome to Side Stories, talking about smiling. Side! Starts. My name's Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? And then I have a little bitch on a shelf.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Is that what happened? I hope so. For his sake. Hell yeah. He's never going to come on the show now. We're going to talk with him. I want to talk with him about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I want to talk with him about how you still fucking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
How are you still out there fucking? What's that game like? They fucking glue popsicle sticks to their penis. Jackie, what is your worst Christmas film?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Really depends on what we're talking about when it comes to worst and what the criteria is. What are you talking about? It took me a while to figure out. That's what I was about to say. For my specific criteria, I'm going to say any Christmas movie that adds Christ into it. And that is a lot of them. That's a thing. Christ isn't, shouldn't be in the season. You know, I. We're past Christ.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
We're post Christ. It's over it. Like already born. Like we already did it. Like who gives a shit? It is about buying presents and it's about eating a bunch of fish on Christmas Eve. Yes. So last year we did watch the movie Saving Christmas, which is the Kirk Cameron joint. Oh no. Whoa. I mean, come on. Of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Exactly. Which is the reason why they didn't want it in there. It's because they're trying to figure out if you can. And but this is the this is one of those really hard lines because there was no person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
seeing a meeting of them together orchestrating the plan yeah there was no there's nobody from within the plan to testify because guess what they're dead everybody's dead it's yeah even and no one's asking about that no one's asking where's tyler why didn't she talk where and they know alex is dead but they're like where where's everybody else where's chad gable's wife Where's Daybell in general?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Chad Daybell, the prosecutor specifically carved out because they did not. Number one, he's not going to come. It's his right to plead the fifth because he's married to Lori Vallow because he was still legally married to her. So it's his right to not testify. No lawyer of his would tell him to go testify because he's trying to fight his death penalty. Oh, he's getting shot in the head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
How you doing? Stoking. I want to be the first... Stoking to the atheists. Stoking to the... To bless the Pope after he's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We all know that. Oh, can't wait. Oh, man, let me do it. And then the next ones are the... But that's kind of the issue now is that any one of those pieces of information, if Lori Vallow were to bring up, would allow the prosecutor to open up the story and bring in the... The story of her killing her kids, which is what Lori Vallow kept trying to fight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And then, as you can see, the reason why she did not end up testifying on the stand and the reason why she didn't end up testifying, which is I did find an interesting statistic, is that 90 percent of defense trials that don't include the defendant testifying on their behalf. They end up losing the case. Wow. So it's the fact that she didn't testify says a lot to the jury.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And because the reason why she didn't testify is because she didn't want to be under control of having to answer questions from the prosecutor. Could she ask herself questions if she testified? She would probably she would do one or the other. It's actually I had to look this up. It's either she would have a set of written questions that would be asked by her. She has an assisting attorney.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
She has somebody that's kind of helping her get through a lot of the processes there because she doesn't have a law degree and she's a fucking moron, a homicidal maniac. And so she... She did a good job, though. She did not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
The only reason why they're deliberating... They've been in there for two and a half hours today. They're just doing it because they are a pain in the butt. They are doing it because it's a pain in the butt. They legitimately... She did such a horrendous job of doing what she was needing to do. It just really depends on, and I mean this as nicely as possible, how dumb the jury is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Man, I'll tell you what though. It depends on how dumb or how difficult the jury wants to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But then they'll end up losing. Well, I mean, there is just no way she's going to win. There's just no way. But we'll find out. Yeah. I mean, that's what they said.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Well, no, not necessarily. Right now it's at two and a half hours. Right now it's two and a half hours. They said that she got in Idaho. She got seven hours to talk to them to decide that she was guilty in Idaho. Also, it was a much longer trial. But she didn't represent herself in that. No, and it was a much thicker trial. But this one, it's just, I don't understand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It's obviously, it's slightly less of a sentence, too. But I do think that once they find out that after the fact that she's murdered her children, they're going to be pretty upset if they let her go on this one. Oh, my God. We still don't know where that is. We just don't know where it is. And Lori Vallow, so the answer is she can have answers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Something. Apparition. Yep. I want to say a lot of people said Henry Zebrowski is going to come out hard with the, you know, the Pope harboring molesters joke about how, you know, how he's, you know, him and Whoopi Goldberg, I think, had an affair together. There's a lot of people, him, he was coming for that Ted Danson ex-wife material. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
She can have questions that her assisting attorney can answer to her. And then there's other things that you can do. Sometimes they allow you to testify to a narrative where they allow you to just extemporaneously talk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But that's all it would be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But then but the problem again is that then she would be open to cross examination. And the last thing that she wanted was to be spoken to by another woman, which is the saddest thing. I think in the end, she just hates she definitely hates this prosecuting attorney. Nothing would make me happier than watching this prosecuting attorney nail her to a fucking wall.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But it's just we it's not going to happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It's because the audience knows she kills her kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
The audience knows she's already a convicted murderer. Yeah. But the jury has to know that she's a prisoner. So they know she's a prisoner already, but they don't know what of. Yeah. They don't know what for. They technically... They know that she's let in every day in handcuffs and taking them off. She knows she's wearing a body shock vest. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Just in case she lunges.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yes, because that is her right. Because she's in trial. The goal is that that's one of those things they talk about is about how it might influence the jury to see you in prison wear. Yeah. Because on her, it looks great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No, it's like technically the justice system does what it does. So it's up to the jury. It is up to the jury. You can't do anything about... the issues of humankind not understanding things?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No, they don't. No. No, because Alex killed him. Essentially, Alex is the murderer. Yeah. But Alex isn't there because Alex is dead, which they also did not talk about how he died. We know that they said that she died, he died by natural causes, which is still true. Pink juice out the lungs. Yes, that's still true, but doesn't necessarily mean that it was natural.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Because I still think it's very possible that he committed suicide. Did he get an autopsy? I don't remember. I think it worked as that, no, because at that time they thought it was all, I think that they were so certain that it was natural causes. Well, brain aneurysm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Pulmonary aneurysm or something like that, which is the same thing that I guess that Tammy Daybell had, even though they opened that one up. Interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Mm-hmm. At least, sounds like it. Yeah. But, you know, so this is going to play out, but she, I just, I cannot imagine she's not going to be guilty. What was Tammy's official cause of death again? I think, again, it was considered suspicious. At first, it was considered pulmonary embolism, and then it was suspicious. And then Daybell, Chad, got got for it. Got got for it. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
So Chad Daybell's already gone all the way. Now they're saying that, yeah, she was asphyxiated. Oh, okay. So she was, that's what they tried to say.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I think that there's a lot of people that were expecting me to say stuff like that. But I want to say Papu Jorge, me so sorry you dead. Yeah, man. Papu Jorge, I'm so sorry that the last thing that you had to see was J.D. Vance's fat face, but everybody else was also saying the same thing. We've all seen the millions of jokes about J.D. Vance killing the Pope. He was probably already dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, shit, dude. That's bad. This is like, ladies get angry, man. Yeah, dude. This is fucking wild. You know what I'll say? I really appreciate that a woman's doing this. Yeah. I'm not a man. And it's costumes. Yeah. I feel like theater. Because most dudes are the ones that go this far. Yeah. It's nice to see a lady really go for it. True jealousy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Most of the time, you just got to get a nice good new hair color and you feel better.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I mean, that's where everybody's super vulnerable. You remember back in the day in high school, did you ever play Mafia? No. But I know what it is. When people would have, like, you'd get a hit, and then you had to hit somebody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Like, we used to do this in high school, where it's like, you know, like, certain places were safe zones, but everybody who was playing had a water pistol, and you could whack somebody. Yeah. Like, do a thing, and then when you whack somebody, they give you who they were supposed to whack, and then you go do it again and again. Oh, that's kind of fun. But work was supposed to be off-limits. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That's what this lady doesn't get.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, we're saying... Just sitting there. I think that the Pope's been dead for two months. I think so. I think they knew that they had to drag... How did he get fatter? I don't know. And, you know, whatever it is, apparently when you gain cancer, it's not like... But he didn't have cancer. Yeah, it's a lot of stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Wow. That's just like... I mean, that's a long way to go to get revenge. You really don't need to do all that much for that much revenge. What was her plan, though? I just think... Was she going to try and deport this woman? I think that she was going to try to... To be honest, I think that she was rolling for as long as she could with just kind of improvising, saying yes and to herself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And then I think eventually... She realized like, oh, this isn't going to play out unless I kill this woman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It's like writing a book. is knowing the ending. He's like, everything else you'll figure out. But if you know the beginning and the ending, you could do a lot to get from A to Z. And so that's the main thing. For anybody looking to do a long con... That, think of the ending in mind. And also, two, take the complications out of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You can just grab the woman coming out of work and putting her in the back of your car. You know what I mean? You don't need to get a costume. You don't need licenses or any of that stuff. You can't just whack her in the back of the head when she's coming out of the bathroom. So I would say also that's not advice. No, as much as it's just, you know, what are you doing here, lady?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Just think about if you're going to do a crime, just understand that it's going to keep going. It's going to keep going. And I have one other story I want to do. Oh, please. Arizona is not a friendly place. And nothing really says that quite like the story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Nope, not yet. Slow ass pieces of fucking shit. So here we go. So in Arizona, a guy by the name of Daniel Lanks. This is in Phoenix. Now, I can realize that this is just aggravated assault facing felon. This guy, he's facing felony aggravated assault. He had an unprovoked attack. A cop said so. People came up to him. A guy came up to him and he said, hey, how you doing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And then Daniel Daniel Lanks pulled his eyeball out. Yeah. Yeah. And then beat the shit out of him after that. Oh, yes. Because once you pull the eyeball out, the guy's pretty surprised. The victim stated that during this incident, he was in fear for his life and safety, believing that Daniel could have killed him. Absolutely. He popped your eyeball out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Also, popping an eyeball out, it's not that hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Get the thumb in there. Or you just hit the side really hard. The key, I want it just like, eh, eh. That's what my dad always said. Go for fucking eyes and balls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
He had every single thing that you could have. He had it all in one go. J.D. Vance begged to see him. He sent his goon. Papa Jorge went and sent his goon at him to tell him, you know, you're not a real Christian. J.D. Vance went. Then they went and then he got to see him on his last breaths. But I still think that he was dead. He saw Papu Jorge sitting there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, wow, good. Yeah, you know me. Always hunting people down to the ends of the earth. Yes. She said, he just went up to him. He just like, because what crime? Where is there a crime? Daniel Lang's 39, older than him. Yeah. That's where I'm starting to get upset. When I'm starting to see that I'm older than some of our criminals. Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I can't watch children do anything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, how you doing? I'm stressed. You know, he just doesn't even really say how he popped it out. He reached from behind him and, like, scooped it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That's a crazy way to do it. He must have done it before. Do you think? And I don't mean that. I'm not blaming the victim at all. No. Is it any way I was loose? Oh, just a little loose.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, and that's a challenge to you people. Try to come and scoop my eyes. I dare you to try to scoop my eyes. You'll never get near enough to my eyes to scoop them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That is a brutal fucking attack. Lanks was apparently, he was near a shop at the intersection of Broadway and 48th Street. It was around 1 a.m. Yeah. I'm a victim.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
A head nod is a communication between men. We're acknowledging each other's presence. I just came from up north in Oscoda, up north in Michigan, Oscoda. I just also, big shout out to the American Glory Growers. Yes. I actually got actual good weed grown by hand. From a place dead in the middle of nowhere. Amazing. Fucking Michigan. It was great stuff. Go check it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But the idea that you, like, so you're talking to another man. Sometimes you've got to give somebody the head nod, right? I feel that that's, with men communicating to each other, right? Like, it's good to do. It's good to leave these things up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Hey, how you doing? Hey, how you doing? But you don't... The key is, yes, never verbal because it does seem to enter into a thing. So he said, hey, how you doing? Langston said, I'm going to whoop your ass, which is not a proper response. No, it's rude. He said, Daniel told detectives to shut the fuck up. He did not understand his rights. And yes, he said, how you doing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And then he turned around here and he popped the eyeball out of him. And he has an eye tattoo. Maybe that's what he was jealous of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
He's like, ah, I should have got that tattoo. What is that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No, it looks like it's... Flowers. I think it looks... Yeah, it looks like... What's the... It's like a dandelion plant. Oh, weird. Or is it like a cactus? Aww. Aww. I wonder if that's his spirit animal. I think he covered up a teardrop. Oh, he covered up a teardrop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But that doesn't make sense, though. Why would you cover up the teardrop? Isn't the teardrop supposed to let everybody know you killed somebody in prison?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Isn't that what a teardrop is?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Papu Jorge, they screwed his little hat on. They got the threads on in there. You know, they made sure he had his arms attached because they fell off about three weeks ago. And so, you know, they had the strings. Oh, yeah. All popes are puppets. We know that. So nice to meet you. So nice to meet you. Welcome to the Vatican. Have you ever been to Italy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Is that what that song's about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my tears will never dry. Lollatool drops. That was actually one of the first Motown hits.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We learned that. It was written by, what's his name?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Go to Hot Sam's if you're in Detroit. Go check it out. Go check it out. Damn. There was one other thing I wanted to remind people of. Go check out The Foreign Report on its own YouTube channel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
So this is the thing we're trying to do here at Lost Podcast Network, which is we're trying to give some of our shows that are not as similar to last podcast and the others more of a chance to thrive in the Internet space. So that is requiring us to put them on their own little channels. Please go and subscribe to The Foreign Report on YouTube. I'll go do that right now. Good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That's not my job. That's not my job. Travis is great on there, too. Travis is great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It really does. I really appreciate it. They're actually an educated, level-headed response to global news. And it is extremely—it's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
None. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. They hate everyone equally. Well, the best part is that when you get everybody angry, that's how you know you're right. When everybody's angry. That's how you know you're correct. So now we have a special guest. He's going to join us here in the last podcast in the Left Studios. A man, an intrepid leader in the UFO space.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, a little rhythm. Yeah, a little rhythm, a little Pope is Dead music. Well, you know, it's important because it's important today to really recognize the fact the curse has been broken and News has finally happened and time for side stories to talk about it. I know. It has finally happened. We've been waiting for something like this for years. It has never happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Captain Ron Janix of Contact in the Desert. He's going to be here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And Ron's been doing it every year, right? Yeah, for a dozen years. So we're going to find out all about the backstage shenanigans of Contact and why you should come out and see it because it's going to be hilarious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
All right, ladies and gentlemen, we promised you this. We have Captain Ron Janix from Contact in the Desert. Now, this man has experienced too much truth. At once. Now, you've been doing Contact in the Desert for how long? This is our third year. But this is your third year, right, of the entire time? For owning it. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Or he's like, wow, quiet contemplation. Just watching the corpse of him rot in front of him. We're looking at his... Since when do we let vice presidents meet the Pope, by the way? Since all the rules are gone, Eddie. Vice presidents don't get to meet the fucking Pope. Vice presidents need to be pretty and shut the fuck up. That's right. That's all I want to see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Do you have the same crew there then? Because now you have George Norrie and George Knapp. Now you're having the luminaries of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
He's great. Have you ever done a thing? I just want to just straight up. I've done a thing before. Have you ever done a thing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Were you a stand-up? Did you do comedy? Because you're very funny. Did you do stuff like that? What were you doing that got you to decide that you wanted to talk about it? Because a lot of guys get into the material, but they're not microphone or camera ready.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
So you're used to harboring secrets. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That's for sure. I'm still not ready to say it, Ron. I will follow it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I want you to sit in your little fucking box. I want you to do something dumb like teach people to read or something. That's what vice presidents are supposed to do. They're not supposed to. He's too busy. And you know what? He looks like shit. And eventually, you know, they think that you had anything to do with this, J.D. Vance. The Vatican is going to disappear you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Almost. You know what I mean? Do you ever do, like, through all of this process, like... There's one side of you, obviously. You run, and you're the proprietor of Contact in the Desert. So that's one side of you. On the other side of you, you've been experiencing these people at the center of ufology personally for 15 years. Where has it taken your beliefs?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I mean, I'm right in the middle. Same with us. It's like I am one of those. What I like to view is I'm across the board agnostic. Well done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Well, because part of me wonders at this point, like, so is there some what's one piece of evidence or a piece of information? Would you say that really kind of kicked you over the line?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
He was. This is another guy that had his career ruined by his interest in UFOs because he was a legit guy. A legit guy. That wanted to talk to experiencers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Exactly. I actually, I do think that that's really interesting. And I also wonder, in the last 15 years, has anybody... Because what I'll get, even on my level, I'll get somebody who's like... Your level? You mean like... Low level? Yeah. Yep. Exactly. I get people send me stuff that they're like, what's your like, don't let anybody know about this. I have secret information.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You have to look at this thing. What's like a thing like how often does that happen to you?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But we were looking at pictures of Papu Jorge in his casket. And if you look at it, you can tell, I guess, like... They sort of don't embalm them. I don't quite know. I'm going to get a close-up of this. I don't know how it all works.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
can i ask you i want to ask your opinion then with stuff guys like that i'm i'm torn because i think that guys like that obviously they believe the more details they throw into some kind of story that the more real it sounds but i actually also wonder like what do you think their other motives are because number one there is people always say oh money they sell book rights let me let me straighten it out for you
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
There's not a heck of a lot of money in ufology, especially in the book markets. And then to the idea of just or is it to just for attention? Like, I do understand people lie for that attention. But I also wonder if there's ever something to this idea that there is some massive like we just did the Montauk project.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Total. You know, God knows what's going on with this guy. But on some level, you almost kind of wonder, like, what if something did happen to him? And then the U.S. government, like, did some kind of erroneous experiment, fucked up his life, scrambled his brains and then dropped him back into a Long Island park. And now he's this babbling guy, this crazy sounding guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to see it big. I want to get in there. Can I take a VR tour of the Pope's casket? Man, what about the guy behind him dressed like a jester? That is the Swiss Guard. That's the Swiss Guard? Yes, that is a part of the Vatican Guard. That's the elite guard that their jobs are to protect that hat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But he actually was a part of something like it could be a natural psychosis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, I completely agree. So that's credible. Yes. Something's been going on. Jacques Vallée, like a student, I totally believe there's some kind of either physical slash psychic phenomenon that follows our consciousness, whatever the hell it is. I don't quite know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Like, I wonder now, like, do you feel like with stuff like this, have you ever felt that the men in black or anything, like the idea of like, do you think that the government ever fucked with contact?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I think that this whole thing got outed and that they have been trying to figure out how to package it in a way that makes sense. And I also think that Lou Elizondo's influence might have been less than he puts himself behind. Into the scenario. I think that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But one of the biggest questions I always, always have is, OK, let's say the U.S. government is right. There's no such thing as UFO activity. Everything they've come out and said is correct. It's like, you know, we're not. But then why have they put so much time and effort in discrediting all these movements?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I will say, don't fuck with the Swiss Guard. I've made comments about the Swiss Guard before, and apparently they will fuck you up. Really? Apparently, yeah. They are very highly trained. That's his private army. Do they put holes in people? Yeah, yeah, four of them. Like the cheese. Yeah, string them up Jesus-like. But the Papu is here melting. You can see him in this casket.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No one really cared. So why are they hiding it? Well, January 2023, look, we shot all those things out of the sky. We did all this thing over Michigan. They shot an object the size of a sedan that no one would claim above Alaska. And we were all just acting like it didn't happen because they couldn't find. And then they went to go look for the rubble. And they said, oh, it was a snowstorm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And then I had friends that were actually in Alaska at the time period that were like, sky's clear. Sky's clear. They definitely could have went and looked for that shit if they wanted to. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
They're not good talkers either. That's by design. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Is there anything that's appeared at contact that has truly blown your mind? Also, for the people that don't know, Daniel Sheehan is a very influential lawyer that was a part of... He worked on, I believe, Watergate. He was a part of the whole Silkwood case. Iran-Contra. Wow. He did a lot of fucking stuff. He worked a lot of different things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
He's slowly melting, which shows that... But the funeral's not until Saturday. Yeah, I know. He already looks awful. They're going to have to pop him on ice. They're going to do something, right? I think they do. They put him in the fridge. Yeah. They have to. Yeah, I mean, you know, you got to have all the spread going. It's not like it's cold in Italy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
He's a very important lawyer that has now taken up the mantle of... of helping whistleblowers and helping people come out with UFO information. What broke him?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I got to go see him talk. And the way he talks about it is just like, I've seen it. you will see it one day. But I've seen it. And I was like, show it to me!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I mean, that is as credible as it gets. It's just very interesting. And I just wonder if anybody else, because I saw his talk at Contact, which was great. It was fascinating talking about all the maneuverings of using all these new whistleblower laws and stuff. What else at Contact has blown your mind?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, I got our oars taken. Last time we had our oars pictures taken. How do you choose what all ends up there?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And I want to say thank you so much for letting us come and ruin the festival.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Because they don't want to say that out loud, which makes sense. See, I got a fun one. We did a live show. We did a live show, and after the live show, I was saying goodbye to people at the end, and a guy pulls me aside, and he's like, I work for the intelligence services, and what we are currently working on, the reason why they're not talking about what the drones were...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
is that they are a pilot AI flown drone squadron. They are not only non-manned, but there's no humans involved in flying them at all. Was it interesting meeting Richard Doty personally? I love the guy. That's cool. I love the guy. No, because I saw them. It's like we followed it for weeks. We watched all of it. I was screaming. I did a whole thing on last stream and the left about nothing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
than to see here like certainly not a bunch of drones turning into gobbledygook and then zapping other drones out of the sky that's not for certain yeah i mean it was insane footage across this country across the world there were guys that were running boats and driving out just to film yeah just know we're gonna probably do quite a bit of drone talk yeah we drone on a lot but that's a part of what we're gonna don't worry we'll handle the drones
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Just so you know, we're going to have to bury him with that. It seems he died with it still on and it's melting into his forehead. That's because he has a dildo on top of his head. The hat hides the dildo. I wonder, like, so now we're going to go through the conclave. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. I'd love to know what we know about what they do to the Pope's corpse. Because I know what we did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Don't you worry about that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I would go for free. I would go to buy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No, yeah, it's certainly not. You do a good job because there are, there are people, obviously, it's all layers. Oh yeah, for sure. So on one level, I was joking about how I came into the lobby of the hotel and there are people that put me to shame for how driven I am about this material, right? Like, I'm seeing people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And I'm watching all two. I was like, they're taking it so much even more seriously than me. There's a part of me that I thought we were all going to be getting drunk in the pool. Like, I thought all y'all are going to be in the pool. And then when I didn't see it, I was like, oh, no, this is actually pretty serious. And then what was nice is like, yeah, sure, you got some.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You've got all spectrum. You have the whole spectrum. It really is. So there really is those truly... You've got the grounded side. You've got your Jeremy Corbell, George Knapp, and then you have our friend Michael Osedona, who's on the other side. It's like he does also crazy stuff, but it's fun because it's a part of the whole experience. And what we're going to try to do...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It's kind of bridge those two. Right. The idea of like we come knowing what we're talking about, but also we're joking about it because I don't know how else to speak.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, but that's fine. I want to party with him, though, this year. This year, though, I'm getting more of these guys in the pool. I was saying that. I'm like, listen, we could have these same discussions outside in the water. It's 100 degrees in the center of the pool. Dude, let's go. I feel like we should push it. There's a part of me that wanted to say, like, you saw me. You saw my Polish body.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I got a question about that. Too much of it, to be honest. I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
broke up there what did you hear about that it was all spacex i think it was all that that's that's that's what we guess yeah yeah yeah but it was awesome i mean talk about the place i definitely was smoking a jay out there and watching somebody go like there's something in the sky and i was just like god damn it i knew it would happen at contact
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We were talking about it with Gurney right before the show. They have a whole thing. Obviously, it's a whole... What do they do with his eyes? They do a regimented breakdown. Jerry Orbach didn't get to ask, so we don't get to ask either. But they go through a whole procedure, and I know one of them is they take a little hammer and they knock him on the head three times. This is true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I mean, if it doesn't happen there, where the hell could it possibly happen?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Like, literally, for a contact in the desert? You have everyone you need.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I think the only reason why is because I feel like if they're going to destroy me, at least we don't blow George Knapp. You know what I mean? Like, if I go and I get immediately zapped by lasers, technically, I've died how I lived. Well, I think you mentioned it earlier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That would be me talking to the aliens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Intergalactic law. How do you feel about the jellyfish shapes, UFOs?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Jellyfish, though, because these guys fight me on jellyfish. They seem silly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
yeah i know it's not a jellyfish henry thinks it's a jellyfish no it's not a jellyfish it's a jellyfish shape it's like it's a shit i like jellybird hanging there's some there's some shit hanging off of it what is that yes and it doesn't move the debris doesn't move the debris is stiff you keep saying it's balloons it's not balloons it's a jellyfish ufo i just i say that it looks ridiculous more than i say it's balloons whatever dude
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Everybody always says balloons. I know. Are there that many balloons flying around here? I also, like, no one really watches UFO footage the way I watch it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, kind of like, how do you, I feel like. Everyone watches it the way you watch it. In the middle of the night in their underwear, stoned out of their mind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
He's just a reporter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, you got it up there. Good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, so let's look at this. So, like, what's the difference between this? So, like, I find this interesting. How is this... It's awfully slow, right, for 12 likes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
A silver hammer. Yes. And they knock him on the head three times, and then they go... Jorge. And they say his real name. And I guess that transmutes him back to human.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I guess it could be a deflated balloon. But I don't, like, would not a flated, like, why is it like in the sky like that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Jetpack Man is strange, too, because Jetpack Man is in the same realm. It's in the same realm as Jellyfish. And it's also like they're saying that there's no commercially available jetpack that is able to fly at that height and for that length of time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That's a problem a lot of people make.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You're talking about this. There is a good new picture. Yeah, click on that link right there. This one right here. This one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yes. That's an interesting photo, isn't it? This was from Plano Informativo, Plano Informa on Twitter. And yeah, man, that is a pretty thick looking UFO. And it looks like a goddamn hubcap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And those are my favorite. Those are great. Saucer shapes are my favorite because it harkens back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
The drones were all over the place. And the Phoenix Lights was such a display that it was definitely felt like a thing of, look at us, we are here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And then, where, where, where, where? Finish the job. Shut the fuck up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, very much so. Because I also find that... I found that they... When you look at that footage, I do believe it was part of one giant structure. But, you know, I have a lot of people that, you know, the Fife Symington, the governor of Arizona, he came out and he apologized. He believed that he did see something that night. He freaked out after he kind of belittled the whole thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Go back to fucking sleep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Phoenix Lights is still one of the most mysterious events in our history.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
They didn't. No, they did. They either talked about it very non, they very like blankly. Don't worry about it. Yes. Or there were, and then the rest of us spun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Like they went the other way. Yeah. Well, then you wonder what are they getting out of it, too? Everybody's getting something out of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Hell yeah, man. I mean, because what happens, they seal the apartments. Yes. Because you never know what happens in there. If I were you, I'd go up to his little lips and go, I'm forgiven, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I do believe on one hand, there's also an evangelical far right arm in our government that's really excited for things like something that could be an alien invasion or literally they believe that some of the telltale signs that Jesus is coming back is stuff like China will invade America.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And to them, that's a good sign because it means we're all going to die, all the sinners are going to die, and Jesus is going to come back. And so that's the problem is that also you're kind of – there's this other thing where half of our intelligence services have been taken over by literal – the most fantastical evangelical thinking. And they're trying to pop the seals to end the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But he's different. That's kind of like a personal relationship to God and how it was reflected by this phenomena. These other guys are trying to make it happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yes. But I don't know if the thing itself is going to be pulled into that paradigm itself. I find that the more they talk to whatever this trickster phenomena is or we deal with whatever this trickster phenomena is, it does not like to be used for other people's purposes. And I think that's a part of it. It won't allow us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Thank you. Thank you, Papa Jorge. But yeah, everyone's expecting us to talk about how... A lot of you gave me pushback because he's he was the nice pope. He's the best pope we've had. What does that even mean? He's better than the other fucks. He's fine. What's hard is that I don't mind... The next one's going to suck. He has used homophobic slurs in the past.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And that's what we're doing with the podcast industry, and I want to say that we're brave for that. So, guys, this time we did it. This is awesome. Thank you so much, Captain Ron.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
The goal is to work your way up from a ditch. Got it. 24-7. Half of comedy is lying to your audience. Most of them is telling them things that have never been true and another be true. Captain Ron, beyond contacts or podcast?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Anything else you want to promo? Before, just buy tickets for Contact in the Desert and see all of us. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And I'm hosting my own talks in the pool. Yes. I want other L. Ron Hubbard-shaped men with me in the pool. Bring your sunscreen. Yes. It's going to be 110 degrees outside. I just got to slather up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It's just the best. So we'll see you in the desert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
So, first of all, I just want to say thank you to Ron Janix. He looked nothing like Kurt Russell. He doesn't. But it's good to still see him. It's good to still see him. He's strong. But for you motherfuckers, we got the bitch. It finally happened, Henry. We got the fucking bitch. All the news happened that needed to happen on the day that it happened. Lori Vallow Daybell is guilty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That side story is real. Number one. The side story curse. Is broken today. Lift it, baby. Lift it. We broke it. We got all the news. I can't fucking believe all the news came out today. This is amazing. I am going to nut.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, exactly. Shut off. They'll be like, and stop. Trump gets shot in the head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
By conspiracy. Yep, because she's fully guilty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yes. She just did her polite little smile. Worst lawyer ever. Yeah. So Lori Vallow, go screw. Fuck you, bitch. You suck. And we will see you at the next trial. She has another trial coming. She has another trial for what? I believe this one's for Tammy. Oh, because she's definitely involved. Well, she definitely might have helped orchestrate it. I'm not certain. But we will get there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
They are going in levels of importance. So I think it's whatever is the next one. She's the farthest from. I have to remember. I forgot what the next trial is. Go to patreon.com slash last podcast and you'll have to pay money to watch us scream. And go to at LP on the left and all of our various socials to look at that shit. Come and see us. See us live on stream every Tuesday, 6 p.m. P.S.D.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
through the Patreon. It goes right to YouTube a couple days later and it's so much fun. And go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV to watch all of our Twitch streams this week. I don't know. We don't got a hoop-a-goo or a good pud this week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
great i think the twitch streams are kind of like taking a little break we're working on yes we want the the streams are taking a break and then we are reconfiguring how they are going to come out but don't worry they're coming back there's lots of plans there's lots of cool stuff happening plans within plans we're letting holden help um make uh decisions he's been doing good he really has he's doing good it's very cool put his feet to the fire
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But he's also stuck up for gay people. Sort of. The thing is that... He said they're allowed to be humans. Kind of. It's still one of those where I do think that... I know that everyone's saying at least he's trying. But you know what I'd love? Someone that didn't just try. You'd just be executed. Do it. Be the Pope. This is my thing. Aren't you like the fucking infallible head of the church?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We are definitely going to rely on the audience for suggestions. But we'll see. We have a couple of little, we'll have some tricks up my sleeve. Of course, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We only got like four tickets left to the late night show. Oh, really? And Dad's Grush. That's awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We're going to have fun. We're going to have a blast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Come on. We're going to sparkety spark it. I'm going to bring my good shit from home.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We're going to get healed. We're going to be out there, dog, and I'm going to be in the pool. So come and check it out. And Crying Wave at Sea. Both places. We're going to be wet. Physically wet. All right. You love it, guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You'll see. Hell run, Janix. Live your everyday knowing for a fact you just got to work up to the point that you take a shit, and then you need to take a shit, and then you're going to love the fact that your body tells you when work is over, and then you're going to laugh the entire time you're taking the shit, because you know for a fact that you've completed your work for the day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I know you have all these people you have to convince and all this kind of shit, but when it comes down to it, he could literally come out and be like, not only are gay people great, but I jerk off to gay porn every day. If he really wanted to change shit, he would actually change shit. Instead of kind of hinting and kind of half-changing shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And before everybody tells me, oh, the politics and blah, blah, blah, it's like, yeah, I get it. I don't give a fuck. If he's chosen by God, then he should be able to do whatever the fuck it is he wants.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Somebody needs to do something with like a set of huevos. Someone's got to actually, actually do something. And now we have the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever if anybody has seen Conclave. And they know how Conclave ends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And I think that could be really, really fun. This is a good way for someone to sneak in there. Oh, so Pope Francis here. I love this. He says, he sneaks in views on sex and masturbation as he kisses feet of prisoners. Lucky Pope. Really? What does he say? On Holy Thursday. Do you mind if I suck on these feet? I know I'm supposed to kiss them, but I can suck on them if you want. You know what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That, to me, is the grossest part of this, but yeah, please, start sucking. And so he says that he's saying no to masturbation, right? He says sex is one of the most beautiful things that God has given to the human person, even though he's never even seen it. He doesn't know. He has no idea. He doesn't know about sex. He doesn't even know. Does he know what queefing is? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But while in the favor of sex, masturbation, he still says is a big no-no. Masturbation's a no-no? No-no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
The Pope always gets better. Yeah, he loves getting better. He always goes dipping down and then pulling up the nose, make everybody get all excited, starting up the conclave, sending out the invites. This Pope died like five times. He's been dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
A lot of those guys, it's a bit of a yes, yes. They are very, very, they're super into it. Yeah. Criminally so. So now we are mourning the passing of Il Papu.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I think that the next pope is gonna suck. They have to suck. We went from Nazi to halfway decent. Sort of. Sort of. Again, I still feel like it's giving him too much credit. There's no reason to like a pope. No, it's like a president. It's like a king. Anybody that likes anybody that is in charge by some form of... It's the largest cult in the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
So this secret group gets together and puts together—they all decide what they have interpreted, what God has told them to choose, who the guy is to be pope. And they've chose multiple Nazis. They've chose multiple war criminals. They've chose—it's like, so I don't want to fucking hear it. So now the next pope is going to be some other guy. It's probably going to be like— It's going to be Bezos.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No, I don't even know if he can. There's an American running. He doesn't want to live in the Vatican. It's too small for him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We might get an American in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That'd be interesting. That's what we need. No, I don't think so. You know what I want? I want some English out of the pope. Robot. Robot pope. Where's my Roomba pope? Roomba pope? Yeah, they got Roombas that can mop now. Okay. Where's my Roomba Pope?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, fuck these guys. They're all saying the same thing. We might have our first. There was talk about having our first African Pope.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No, they are going to choose somebody that's very bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
How about change something that matters? You know, you start small. You know, I guess that's my question. It's like, I guess where everyone wants me to give him credit. This guy's a piece of shit. Yeah, fuck all of these people. Cardinal, Matteo Zappi. Every single time I see one of their little tiny hats, I get angry. I hate the Cardinals' tiny hats. Yeah, why do they have all of origami hats?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
that's the other thing he's been dead for six months at least they said irreversible heart failure is how he died i actually i'd heard i saw a stroke yeah well he was stroking oh stroking to the east stroking to the west stroking to the boy that i love best he is stroking pope francis's dad hey how you doing welcome to side stories My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You work at In-N-Out or is that just what you do with kids?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Fucking disgusting pieces of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That's nice. That's good. Took me two seconds, but that was fun. Legitimately, I am trying to dial back the molestation jokes because that's our act on the road.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That's why I don't want to spoil those bits. It's just this idea of I don't care that the Pope is dead. I'm glad that he's dead, but unfortunately it just opens it up to another. Do you not care or are you glad? No. No. I just don't. There's one or the other. I'm mad that there's going to have to be a new choice. You know what this is again? This is another British wedding.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
This is another royal wedding fucking garbage. This is another, oh, the queen's dead. I'm going to have to watch five hours of fucking dragon or wrinkly ass across fucking the bridge. They go dump her in the river or whatever they did. I mean, that was fun to look at the dead bodies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
queen for so long it is another thing that the whole world has to stop and give a shit about that i'm sick of you know i'm sick of these things you know i want to i want to talk about what how we helped ryan coogler sinners do very well in the box office
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I am also going to confess that I am buying time in this recording. Waiting with the verdict watch open for the Lori Vallow trial on my YouTube. I wonder what Mr. Coogler thinks about that. Let me ask him. Rob, call Coogler. Call him on the phone. Pull up the Coogler phone. Pull up the Coogler phone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But no, I've been sitting here because of what I was also hoping for in another first for Side Stories, that that verdict would come in on time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I actually don't know if it can go that long. I think it really can only be like the fact that it's taking longer than 15 minutes to decide that she's guilty is one of the biggest travesties I have ever seen. Do they have a death penalty in Arizona? Could she get the death penalty for this? She's not up for a death penalty because this is just a conspiracy trial. Oh, okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Saying that she's involved. She orchestrated the conspiracy. Now, I can see how you can convince maybe some of the less bright members of the jury pool that there is a reasonable doubt. Right. Like because the main issue is that the prosecutor put out all of this circumstantial evidence, which is the text. Yeah. But the text tell the entire story of a person. Going ahead and planning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
She was the mastermind. She was the one pulling all the elements together. She was the one that told Alex to get the gun. She was the one that made sure that her other bestie pulled her brother out of the scenario. That Charles Vallow would make sure that he would show up alone to the house. She was the one that told Tylee to fake coming out with the baseball bat. That's in the text messages? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No, but you can, it's insinuated. And the problem is that how, it just depends on how difficult a jury wants to be. Yeah, because they also they don't know that she killed her kids. Ostensibly, they don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But at the time, I was like, absolutely. Because this was when I got Beach Lane, I was on unemployment. I had to, I remember taking food from craft services home. I'd have to go and take all the granola bars and all the snacks, and I'd have to jam them into my bag, and I'd have to leave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And I remember all the time when it's like, because we'd go out, like I hung out with Matthew Broderick three or four times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But Matthew Broderick's like, hey, you want to go out to dinner tonight? And I'm like, I don't know how to tell you, Mr. Broderick. I cannot afford to be anywhere near you. You would have to be you to get it. So he took us out a couple times. It was actually really nice, but I was like, I was fucked. Yeah, you didn't get in the car with him, though. What do you mean? I actually drove.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I helped him. He pushed the pedals, and I went behind him. So that's how I got even into the world. And so I was picked by one of these active producers. And it's just important for you to know that everything that happens on the 8-H stage does not happen on accident. My audition was ran several times. Yeah. They all had my tapes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They knew you were doing exactly every word you said they knew was going to come out of your mouth. They saw Murderfest. They did a bunch of stuff. They'd research you. They know you. They know you extremely well by the time you hit that stage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They knew you so well that they knew Holden and I. Yes, because what also works is because we were total outsiders, which you find out is a bad word in show business. Because we were total outsiders, I thought they were going to be so excited to welcome me and my bros to that backriders room. And they were going to be so thankful to have these three renegade fuckfaces in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And they were just going to lay the red carpet out for us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But I just want to say, honestly, that's kind of, I guess, as far as I can go. The audition itself, it's just funny because they knew what I was going to do. Yeah. And I came out, and I'll always remember, War Michael's favorite bit was the naked bit. I always remember that was the specific note he gave. Love the naked monologue. I like it when you're naked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But he also, and I don't even know if I should say that technically what he'd The note that I got back, the reason why I didn't get on was because the label, what they said was, we don't do you anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Well, it's basically more current events-based, hardcore impressions-based.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You see, I just... You know, if you're on... My main takeaway from this whole week, right? We're just not even gonna... Why? What happened? I mean, we know. I fight, right? We're public figures. Yeah. In a way. Kind of. I know. I have, like... what you call impulsive thoughts, on a public level all the time. And I'm putting in front of people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It would have been a nightmare if you got it, man. I do think that it is extremely stressful to do it. If I were to do the audition again, I would change. But maybe what I did, not in terms of just the other things around it. But, you know, there's a term in comedy that you learn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
One of the things you learn, right, when you start off in doing acting in show business, is that all my managers and agents, when I first started, they'd always ask, who's... who's the version of you that you want to see? Like, they go, like, what career model do you want to follow? Tony Orlando. Always. But the guy said, but he said, like, it was always asked these questions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So, like, obviously, for a long time, it was Chris Farley, besides the death. But within comedy teachings, they have things that they call it. I want to say it goes back to like Comedia dell'arte shit, where like one term was sloppy clowns. And that's what I was. I was a sloppy clown, which is not derogatory necessarily. It just is an energy thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And it was a thing that they sort of liked before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yes. And on Saturday Night Live, especially at the time, it was more like they just kind of weren't going for that angle. They were going for very clean cut, People with that style of like they can go straight from this to a Revlon commercial to a network sitcom. And it's like there's no alt in there except for recently Sarah Squirm, who I think is a genius. Yes. But these like these guys are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But otherwise, this is hilarious. It's just hilarious that it's like this. If you want to know anything else about this, I'll tell you anything you want to know. I forgot that I did the little bow. Yes. I forgot that I did the bow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
All I'm saying is now I'm happy. I'm happy it happened. It's crazy that it happened. It made me realize, like, I mean, Natalie, you know, it's unfortunately. Backhanded compliments are the only ones I normally receive. Yeah. And I like them. And I realize that that's me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And every single thing that I tried to destroy about myself or change about myself that I wanted to make like somebody else is why I have this job now and why I have this life now. You've made your own life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The fucking stork that delivers abortions fucking talks about you like that. We're just slightly below them and I don't care because you know what's nice is that I got so many... beautiful messages. Yeah. From listeners, from coworkers, people I haven't heard from in a long time. I got a lot of real, so, I'm actually, I'm extremely thankful this happened and it's fucking hilarious. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And I, it sort of feels like a revenge. It sort of feels like, it sort of feels like, well, in the end, you had to include me. I did see some, the only, Lindsay shook us, I have no problems with. I now, I got some information. I talk, I talk with some people. She's, it was not meant to hurt me. It was not meant to be upset with me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I just want to say, in the end, it's really nice. The people who reached out to me, it was really fucking wonderful. And you know what this kind of brings it around? That's my shirt you're wearing. It might be. You're looking in the audition tape right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Sometimes I've been talking so long all week that sometimes I even forget I'm on microphone. And I forget that I'm on stage. I'm just constantly doing stuff. So you kind of just forget. But I'd say a big thing I'd like to give to any piece of advice to anybody who wants to be a performer is that if you're ever in a situation where there's a podium... And a lot of flags. And people in front of you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Hello. That was great, Jansen. But I, you know, it's just, you know, whatever, man. I will say I saw some mean things. Someone, a writer once wrote about my audition, but didn't name my name in one of the big Saturday Night Live think pieces, like try to trash me. But that's just because writers are jealous of people that are naturally charismatic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But everybody else, I'm extremely, utterly thankful. Because this is fucking crazy, man. This is me. And you know what this brings us to? Is David Lynch. Yes. Because I'm not comparing myself ever. But the idea of, I was listening to somebody talk about David Lynch, and the one thing they said was the center of his happiness. So David Lynch walked around. Cigarettes. Yes. He loved cigarettes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No one loves cigarettes like he loves cigarettes. No one did. He wrote an ode to him on his deathbed. That's how much you love cigarettes. Well, you viewed them as a part of the art life. It was like a way for him to stand out. But what they said, they were like, yes, they believe that meditation was one big key to David Lynch, but Laura Dern said something that I found interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I love Laura Dern. I love Laura Dern. And she said, David had a serenity that seemed to come...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
from his his ability to express himself artistically without even once thinking about what somebody thought about the piece he never thought like he never thought about what the judgments would put on the only things he thought about was the risk what he called the receiver was the person that watched his work that is the reason why for so long when people do all these memes of people saying like explain eraser head explain these things and him saying no it's a
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, no. You fucking come up with it yourself. With Lynch movies, you're a part of the story when you're watching it. And with David Lynch, he made movies very similar to the way he painted. And what he said was like a long time was being like, just straight up like, I don't get why you want me to use words. to talk about a visual medium.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Like, why do you need me to try to explain something that's all in there? Yeah. And it's for you to pick apart. And there's something about... Like, there's something in there. He struggled to make Dune because Dune was pushing him into a place he didn't want to go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But he's told to be one, right? He's told that this is the way to go, that this is the only way to go. When I went to Florida State University and got my stupid BA in theater, they never talked about, there was any, the way that they talked about acting was essentially, you're never going to make it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Absolutely. everybody all they did was tell acting students they never explained that there's so many ways there's so many ways it's not just being a movie star it's not just making ip for a major studio there's so many ways for you to make art in a professional sustainable way and you see david lynch probably got suited with slapped with this shit just being like well if you really want to go
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You need to fucking do a big one, which is like Dino De Laurentiis. He did that shit because he essentially he produced Dune. And then he then after the catastrophe that was Dune, he gave David Lynch permission to do Blue Velvet because he said you can go do whatever he wants. And then he shows up with Blue Velvet. And so now I start to understand that, which I think Ira Glass also said, too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
maybe don't like about yourself and your work because it doesn't look like somebody else's work and you want it to look like somebody else's work and you want to kind of take away those differences because you want it to be like somebody else but you don't understand those are the very things that why somebody likes what you do versus why they like what that person does and that David Lynch was such a good example of like you know everybody who likes David Lynch kind of felt like that's my director I think I think a lot of people felt like well I have a personal relationship with David Lynch that you don't have because the art itself
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Actors were colors on his palette. And unlike Wes Anderson, and this is some shade. where they appear like props and mannequins, he let them live inside of his world. He just taught them the rules. Yeah. And that's what he would do. Like, if you ever listen to him direct, I love listening to David Lynch give people directions. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Of any big Capitol building, I'd say one thing you might want to do, you might want to avoid, is any single motion that might be misconstrued for a Ziegheil. Only just because... People get mad. I'm not trying to shit on artistic expression. Yeah. We know that it's a lucky thing. Everybody knows a swastika is lucky. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's all just being like, yeah, you're gonna want some wind in here. I love shit like that because he also trusted actors, unlike Wes Anderson. He actually trusted actors because they would do a lot of stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I just think that Wes Anderson, it's like, just use dolls. Now he's a parody of himself. Yeah, if you're going to have people do it this way, just use fucking, it should all just be animated because you obviously don't care about a humanity. You don't care about an actor living in there. His animated films are great. They are. I actually think now they're better than his live action movies. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because they just don't have anything. They don't have any heart, even a soul. It's just like a pretty thing. It's just pretty. And it's like, well, I do believe that has its place. It's not really for me. I like David Lynch because... He's trying to lose me. Yeah. He doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't care.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Fucking, it's the best. I think Mulholland Drive, I think Blue Velvet is his capital B best movie. Mulholland Drive is his actual best movie. Yeah. I would probably put Lost Highway right underneath that. Obviously, Twin Peaks The Return is his ultimate piece of art. Yeah, that's your favorite. That's why I'm re-watching it because I need to get to that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The thing is that I also feel like Twin Peaks The Return, you don't really get anything out of it unless you've watched every single piece that he's ever made because it's all in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, okay. It is a 42-minute piece. Okay. That he made featuring these rabbits living in this weird liminal state. Oh, okay. And things coming at awesome. Oh, I'll totally watch this. Dude, no, you got to see Rabbits because you see kind of some stuff in Rabbits that actually shows up in Twin Peaks to return. Interesting. Same thing with- It's puppets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Fire Walk With Me has stuff from Twin Peaks The Return. There's also stuff from, there's little bits and pieces. Well, Fire Walk With Me is Twin Peaks. Yes, but Fire Walk With Me is crucial to watch Twin Peaks The Return.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Obviously, Twin Peaks dips in the middle of season two, but that's more a Mark Frost problem than a David Lynch problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because they said they wanted him to be something that he wasn't. And then what he did with Twin Peaks The Return was lovingly tell us all to go fuck ourselves. Because why do you expect something out of me? Yeah. Like, you should be here, man. Just come fucking watch this thing. Like, Twin Peaks The Return was so exciting because of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
There's pieces in all of the movies. I don't know if you've seen it. There's some background footage from Twin Peaks, the return of him making some stuff randomly. Isn't there like a seven-hour doc from that? Yes, it's on the DVD collection, which is great. Also, get his stuff on DVD because the transfer, except the Criterion collection, the Criterion app is fantastic. Yeah, go live on that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I live on that shit. He did all of this stuff. He makes a bunch of his own weird ass props. He just likes doing everything. He's just, he's just was a, he was pure creativity and the world is less that he has gone from it. And so the goal, I think, is for somebody out there, some young person out there, to become next him in a way that challenges people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But it's just important to know is to think about what's this going to look like on YouTube? You know, what's this going to look like as a still?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I think it's time for this shit to fucking stop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But guys... I think the one motif we're going to see over the next four years is that we are on our own. I don't think a part of that is you got to make... Stuff that you want to see in the world. If we want to wrestle the attention span away from these giant tentpole pieces of shit things that are going on because they don't care. It's all just Chinese propaganda. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So at some point we need to take the reins back. We have to take them back. They're doing it in Hollywood. They're doing it in horror. Yes. With independent horror.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But if you don't bank on yourself, no one will. No one's coming. There's no cavalry. It's you. It's up to you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
There's an axiom we're trying to do at LPN. It's called fail faster. Yeah. Fail faster. Move it forward faster. Get it out because, yeah, everybody's got intentions to be in problems, but honestly, I think it's just because they want good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They did a bunch of other stuff that his family was involved in. That's right. So it's got nothing to do with hate. It's got to do with pointing in a fun, aggressive way. Yeah, he was just so happy. So filled with exuberance that he had to zig-hide him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Unbelievable. Honestly, NASA, please come. We'll put you on the list. Yeah, yeah. If you want to come, we'll make it free. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Put you on the list.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
what a week you know yeah you feeling good you stretch you know what it is i've been having some problems with my shoulder and i went into pt right and he explained me he showed me this whole thing i'd never seen before he was like it's the sort of like ancient form of exercise can you show it to me yeah it's like he said that if i have problems with the right shoulder it's to go oh yeah well you know it's like it's like a salute motion if you can see it i saw this it's crazy it was like serendipitous stick around to see the um the release of the video oh yeah key is
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
All right, here we go. In much lighter news, family annihilations.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The only reason I'm even bringing this up is because I read about the statistics.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yes. Clifford Hunt Jr., 19. He shot his father, Clifford, mother, Michelle, and his 16-year-old brother all in the head. The little brother is the one who called 911 that it was happening. Then he killed himself. One thing that blew my mind. Do you know that every five days a relative kills a relative in the United States of America?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I think that's a part of... No, it just kind of throws off the average. Okay, all right. This probably bumps it up to four.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which, I mean, again, and I'll say this, and I mean this, and there's nothing wrong with the hand movement in and of itself, right? If you separate the hand movement, it could be throwing a bird. It could be throwing a rock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Funny stuff. I thought you were going to say, oh, it's a gamble. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now, what's... Sorry. I didn't make Saturday Night Live. No, you didn't. No. Well, you did now. Well, sort of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still wanted a peacock fucking documentary. Piss penis, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
um now then i looked up right because i wanted to see how far it was from pittsburgh um but one of the chefs over there you did a great job i met you today while we uh while my one of natalie's first students in her dance classes she taught this little girl dance now she's a full-grown adult and we want her to get married it was very very sweet wow um but thank you buddy does she still dance yes professional how was the first dance
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They did a very, it was choreographed. It was lovely. It was a lovely time. Yeah, it was nice. Now, I looked up where this family annihilation happened, though, and it was at North Swickly Township, Pennsylvania. Now, I thought this was right outside of Pittsburgh, but then I clicked on it. What I loved is that when I Google searched it just to see, this is the first thing that popped up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
This is the only picture of North Seward Township that ever showed up. This guy. Oh, yeah. This is the only picture on the Google Maps account is a man sitting against a rock with a bandana. The most pencil-tucky man you could possibly see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Hashtag fucking mood, whatever. He did great. He did great. These fucking pieces of shit. He shouldn't have shown up if he fucking wanted my respect. He wouldn't have been. But these guys, look, it's just so funny. I just looked it up because I thought it was hilarious. That's the only picture? That is the only picture from North Swickly Township.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's got there, yeah, he's got a weird, that's a big old bandana he's got. And you know what he's enjoying? A cigarette. Just like a good old... Sitting there doing nothing, putting the board in board shorts. I'll tell you what.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I really enjoyed it. There's a heart in Pittsburgh. It's beautiful. I love that place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We'll fucking see. Oh, and this is the only other main thing I really wanted to look at.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I'm done with the family annihilation. That's all I have. That's all we have. So we don't really know everybody's dead. Yeah, the family's gone. Yeah, I just really wanted to talk about that shocking statistic, which is ridiculous. But I wanted to talk about this. Now, you guys know I love my UFO footage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, I'm only showing this footage to you, Eddie, because I'm finally starting to see... Like, this one was the first one I saw where it's like... I think that this one is stupid. Now, this was a big deal. Now, News Nation, which is, you know, it works out of Australia. One of their main correspondents is a man by the name of Ross Colhart. Yeah. Ross Colhart used to be on 60 Minutes Australia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Main thing is, you know what's a good hand motion for politicians? I feel your pain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He was a big deal. Like, he's a real investigative journalist. And he was a part of the guy. He was the first that did the big expose with David Grush. So you love this guy. I love this guy. This is also a guy who's totally legit, just like George Knapp, who was driven utterly insane by the material and is now stuck in this, right? Yeah. And he says that he received video.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, part of what we've been talking about over the last couple months was called... Immaculate Constellation, which is a program inside of the Pentagon that was going out. This is pre-drone. This is pre-drone. There was a UAP retrieval program that was a top secret program that would send people out to supposed crashes. And it's why the United States of America might have 12 UFOs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I see. I like this one. This is a jerk off motion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That we've scooped them up from various parts of the world. We probably got more than that. When's that number 12 from? That's like years ago, right? Well, we don't know. We actually really don't know. We don't know if that's old info compared to the new info.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
David Grush, because that's when he started talking about this last year. Okay, okay. It was David Grush. Now, Ross Colhart, who has been sort of the spear of this whole story, he finally received some of this footage. One of the big issues, right? Remember when the big UFO conference, they do it in front of Congress? Yeah, we talked to NAP all about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But that's just what they do to themselves and to everyone at home and to the constituencies that they pretend to work for. Well, they got to do that and they do the foot tap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They said on that one was that we have terabytes of 4K UFO footage that would blow your mind. Right? That's all they said. Did they show one? No. They show even a clip of it? No. But this is the stuff that I guess they have decided to leak to Ross Colhart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, they have sent what he says is a man has sent him information, a man that has said under the duress of his life, he thinks he will be murdered if he finds out where the source of this leak came from. And what we have here is some of the most definitive footage of a UAP being airlifted by a helicopter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, here we can shut the sound off here. Now, the problem is, is that it says here you can see clearly an egg-shaped object that is 25 feet long in a hammock being suspended by a helicopter. Yeah. It's rolling around. Unfortunately, when I look at this footage, it is extremely difficult for me to not say that that is an egg on a stick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The problem is, the shadow's big. Not necessarily, because this could all be shot in miniature. It's true. It looks like the end of a stick with a piece of string. It does. With a napkin wrapped around an egg. And that's my problem, is that, yes, because now you're going to hear, because Ross Colhart begins to describe the egg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's like, as you can see, it's completely round, no doors, shaped like an egg. Yeah. And you're like, it does. It's a new egg pee. Honestly, I want that on a brunch menu. It's just, I never doubt. And this is the first one I saw where it's like, so is the disinformation now? Is this when the disinformation? So it's saying here that it's not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I pray. If you look at it, it's just, it's so hard because everybody's just ragging on this in the comments. The comments, it's just people are destroying NewsNation over this. And I guess that's what's hard is that, is like, Ross, it's not helping us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
If he could have just, just a second, if he could have just separated himself from the excitement for a second, just to be like, now how is this not an egg? You know what I mean? Like, if he could have just said that, being like, because he keeps saying egg-shaped craft. How does he not know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's just this whole long conversation. Obviously, we're now a part of the smoke screen that they like to use. Like, this is a whole thing. Because also, the Zieg Heil was based upon the Roman salute. So it was literally, it is a natural extension of the Roman salute. It's all just, it's just bad optics, you know, across the board. So I would just say, and also, just be really careful about
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You're why I didn't get Saturday Night Live. My connection to you is why. But it does make me sad. Yeah. Because I wanted this to be better. The yolk's on him. The yolk's on all of us. He may have cracked the case.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Shut up. No, no, you're right. But no, this just makes me sad because it's like, I just feel like he should have, if he was going to literally blow his wand, it should not have been on this egg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's Australian. He's just an older Australian man. And he just seems... But he's a very important journalist. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which family members deleted the number or later on were like, 600K?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No, absolutely. I need that baby now, buddy. I need a tiny liver. I need little lungs. I need something to hang for my rearview mirror.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
standing next to a Nazi or being anybody who wants to be next to Nazis because those guys need to be gotten rid of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I mean, that's their mistake. Yeah, it really is. Oh, here, I like this. Here, I'm going to check this. Okay, this is the first text. Good morning and happy early new year. I am attaching an invitation to blank baptism. No pressure to attend. I just wanted to invite everyone. The baptism will be at blah, blah, blah. We will attend at 12 noon mass. Then the baptism starts at 1.30.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We'll have a light lunch and refreshments to follow at our house afterwards. Hope you can make it. And then he said, that's a nice Caucasian baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's a nice Caucasian baby. How much you want for it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Like if I was drunk and I received this. Just being like, yeah, I'll come down over there with my slap shop. Are you not interested in selling? I'm willing to start the bid if I'm in your game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I really think that's the issue is the shooting the car.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, I think that's the issue here. I think this is kind of fun. He's just having fun. He's 21. Bring some kind of levity around. Everybody's so serious. He got hit by a semi-truck, and then he shot into a semi-truck. I think he was upset. It's Texas. Can't wait to go to Dallas. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
If you bring any newborns and just listen to any newborns, you want to bring them by. Yeah. $500,000 for just their organs. No. We can put it all together. Why not? I don't have that. We all can put it together. I was going to mortgage my house. Oh, okay. And then what we'll do is we'll buy two. Two babies. We'll get two babies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Okay, because it's a bad look. Yeah. It's a bad look, but I do want to remind our listeners, if you see a Nazi, you punch it in the goddamn face. All I know is I'm never getting in a Tesla again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And then what we'll do is- Well, Texas has so many extra babies because they can't kill them anymore. Because the thing is, yeah. And the thing is, I think this way, we can get two for five.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Especially in Texas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just ask the police officers in Uvalde. who didn't do much. Sorry. Sorry, not sorry. It's literally exactly what happened. It also comes to our Dallas show. We will see you there. Yeah, February 22nd. Grand Prairie. Whoa, I love Dallas. I can't wait. Here we go. We got some listener emails. Listener emails. Let's hear them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Last time I asked about what could possibly be a pig's motivation to kill a woman. Okay. And besides just... Was she running? Besides hate. Resisting arrest. In cell. Oh. In pig. Now, this is a... There's a love. It is unanimous. The listeners love Baldur's Gate and want to know who Henry kissed, first of all. It's Shadowheart. It's a goth, obviously. It's not unanimous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Marcus also asked me to tell you that he had sex with Leisel. She's an alien. Yeah. She's like a Githyanki. You don't know what that is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. Well, you go kiss some fruit, I guess. I will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I hope you are. Yeah. Go fucking suck on some berries. Yeah. I do every morning. I know you do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I modeled your fight to be healthy. I just eat what your doctor told you to eat. Yeah. I'm dying. Yep. But slowly, slowly, slowly. So here I ask, all right, so about the pig attack. While reading what I saw printed about the, all right, this is the one. I found this interesting. If the pigs were kept as pets by the neighbor, your producer that chimed in was likely correct.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The pigs had associated people with giving them food, and when the woman did not give them something, they got pissed off and attacked her. Always feed a pig. Always feed a pig, especially if it's wearing a Last Podcast on the left hat. Gotcha, Eddie. I'll eat myself. But honestly, we want you to wear that. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yep, I only... shit. But hey, we're not going to turn into Jimmy Kimmel. No. I'm not crying every day for the next fucking four years. I don't give a shit. No. Alright, so we're just going to move on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, if the pigs were from a commercial farm, it is likely they escaped during a ractopamine feeding cycle. Ractopamine. I don't know what that means. You keep saying that word over and over again like I'm going to know. It's a feed additive that is used because it promotes muscle mass growth over the production of subcutaneous fat in pigs without reducing the intramuscular fat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, they were getting marbling. Basically, functions for pigs like anabolic steroids do for human bodybuilders, and just like steroids do for people, there are significant psychological effects. Interesting. Cool. Pig farmers, I know, basically consider it a suicidal act to enter a pen with pigs while they are being fed retactoprine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So, long way of explaining it, it's possible the cause was roid rage piggies. Wow. That's fucking kind of disturbing. I'd love to see a jacked pig. I mean, we do. Yeah. Who? I mean, technically, that's what we eat. Jackpigs? When we eat pork, it's a lot of it. You think so? Unless you're eating, like, good pork meat. I have started eating better pork meat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's what I try to... I've been trying to get off some of the red meat. It's hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Well, my thing is, I'm no longer... I like making steak for myself, but honestly, I'd rather have somebody else make it at this point. Where if I'm going to eat it, I want a professional to make it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Fucking I do. Yeah. No, I love lamb. I like chicken thighs. I love chicken thighs. I had some for lunch. That's my favorite. It's my favorite style of meat. It's chicken thighs? Chicken thighs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Also, I've read, I don't know if this is a, this might be a RFK Jr. thing, but I think, I've heard that tofu, if you eat it, soy products, actually helps you not get, you know that weed disease that makes you throw up when you smoke it? Oh, tofu makes me get higher?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. If we did turn into Jimmy Kimmel, our lives would be great. Yeah, sure, of course. I'm just saying in terms of... If we chose that. I'm just not going to cry in front of you. Oh, no. As a listener, I want you to laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cry alone. Yeah, oh yeah. Or in front of my wife. No, man, I don't even cry in front. The only person I cry in front of is my personal banker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No, is that soy products will help you from getting that reaction to weed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
This is what you're talking about. Yes, cannabinoid hyperemia syndrome, the thing where people start vomiting when they smoke weed. Sometimes I'll start sneezing if I smoke too much weed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's Google Labs. Google says no, but who knows? Google Labs. Yeah, Google doesn't really know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it might be. Actually, I might have just, I probably just overheard that at a bus stop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Why don't you live every day to figure out a way to make tofu in a way you like it? And then you can eat tofu and you can love it. And then when you're loving the tofu, you can laugh your way to the bank because what you're doing is saving yourself some issues because you found a good meat alternative that doesn't raise your cholesterol.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you pulverize tofu? Mm-hmm. How do I give tofu more flavor? You have to marinate it. Mm-hmm. You have to marinate it, and also, you know what's also really good? Unfortunately? What? What I like to do is I like to cut up my tofu into little cubes. I give it a little sprinkle of cornstarch, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I put butter and a little oil in the pan, and then what I like to do is cook it on that with a little salt and a little pepper. You put butter in there? Yes, and then also what I do is shave a fucking, I put lime zest. Lime zest? Yes. Ugh. You're wrong. I'm telling you, it's good. I don't like the lemon zest, the lime zest. It's extremely good. Lemon zest and lime zest, you just don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's very good. It adds that citrus kick without adding water, so it doesn't dilute what you're making.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Are we both talking to RFK Jr.? But he's pretending to be like a sexy lady on the internet?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which can manifest an open wound if exposed to sunlight after coming in contact with the lime juice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah, you look disgusting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Wow, I forgot Walensky worked with me at Borders. Yeah. Wow, what a small fucking, I don't remember anything. No, I remember everything, except for what I'm supposed to remember. Okay. I can't remember you. I can't bother you. And that's what's the most beautiful thing about dementia. Who are you? I couldn't care less who I am. It's been quite an episode of Side Stories, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And titties. Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the left. Give us money. Watch us perform. We're on there. Get ad-free episodes. Pretty good. Go to social media at LP on the left. Thank you, President Trump, for bringing back our Chinese propaganda machine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, she takes it out of your wallet and puts it back. And then you can put it back in your wallet and you're just like, it's nice. Yeah, because you cry when you lose money. No, that's the thing. But then you can cry. You stop crying when you make money. Now...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And nothing I love better than that app that makes every person in my life scared for no reason. Thank you, TikTok. Totally worth the advertising opportunities. Go and check it out out there. And go to twitch.tv slash LPNTV, where we will still be doing a lot of commentary about whatever we want for the rest of our fucking lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
She's our Helen Mirren. Yeah. Yeah. And then go to lastpodcastontheleft.com to check out all of our live dates because we're really good at it. And we're going to see you out there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It literally is a... I do think that it is an extremely attractive town. The one time I went there, I was like, everyone here is hot. Yeah, like the Publix. People work at Publix are kind of hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's great. Oh, yes, we think of Publix. Yep. Fuck yeah. Yeah, dude. I'll take you to my Publix in Atlanta. You own a Publix? No. But there's one I claim.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's how often I've been there. All right. All right, hail sweet Satan, everyone. And hail... David Lynch. Lindsay Tookus. Oh, that's nice. Oh, you made fun of her name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
A lot of news happened this week. Yeah, what happened this week? Were you involved in anything? Let's say, okay, I'm having a ridiculous week. It has been... So obviously there was big news. On side stories today, I will say this is a vaguely light news week because apparently there was a presidential inauguration that happened. So it sucked the news cycle all the way up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I can't buy that. So thank you. It really meant a lot to me to honestly, now that I've processed it and talked with my family and all this kind of shit, it was like, It is wild that I got to be a part of the 50th anniversary, whether I liked it or not. Yeah. And it's amazing. It's fucking crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You'd be surprised how many places I snuck my way into without getting permission.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
She's a beautiful lady. She does her job. And then, honestly, so thank you, guys. And thank you to everybody who's awesome. Right, you fuckers? Bye! Goodbye.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But in the middle of that... I'm sitting in the airport in Detroit. A brand new documentary. Now, I had no idea. I had no idea that this was happening. I get one text that was like, oh, my God, Henry, I'm watching you naked. And I was just like, where's my money? Yeah. But you're like, I was like, what are you talking about? Because, well, obviously, I was like, well, technically, I've been nude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yes. Netflix, the characters, I'm nude. Yes. And YouTube, I'm nude. And now? Piss penis. Piss penis. But just peacock. Yes, peacock. Piss penis. So I found out in the most hilarious, like I just can't even believe my life, that I was featured as the number one refused audition for SNL. They said this thing about how they went over about outrageous auditions or whatever, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And then a producer for Saturday Night Live, Lindsay Shookus, presented my audition out of nowhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But in real life, she's fine, right? She's fine. And so we, a lot of people ask me questions. All of a sudden, my inbox explodes with my audition was put into the 50th anniversary documentary series that charts how the show gets made.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's really crazy. Okay, the reason why it's crazy is because all the pickups, right? I got Time Magazine likes. You see what they said? Oh, yeah, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The only thing I would take umbrage with the coverage of my audition in the documentary series.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
exactly exactly but the only reason why i took any at first i was like oh my god but it mostly was just because it felt like they introduced my audition and then it sounded like i just died right like that i never did anything ever again they really made it seem like you were just like a forgotten human being and i am but i also still act and i still perform i'm here right i am still here no matter what anybody says and it's but it's i
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now I've, like, kind of absorbed it all, and I am just so tickled that this fucking happened. Yeah. There's a lot of fucking coverage, and I had a lot of people ask me if I wanted to, like, you know, we were doing things. I asked, like, should I talk about this and my process, and I figure I could for a couple minutes. Yeah. Right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because the only thing I really want to talk about is even how I got into the place of having an audition for Saturday Night Live. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No. So, the long story is... How do I do this shortly and succinctly? The people want to know!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because normally on the show, we have content to talk about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So now this is me talking about this thing that happened to me. It's wild. I've never experienced this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
This is a new show. So Saturday Night Live. in order to get anywhere involved inside of the systems of Saturday Night Live. So, like, maybe just an example is that the night I audition, they audition you at night. And I'm certain they went over this in the documentary. And the audition process has been gone over a bunch. Maybe you've talked about what it's like to go through.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's purposely very harrowing. With this, one thing that Lindsay shook us sort of, the way that kind of puts it, kind of, how do you, it kind of removes the context of the writers are told to not react. Yeah. They are. They purposely don't react. That's the whole point. Right. Is that they want to see you cold.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Obviously, there's political stuff inside of these rooms where you could see if some, you know, of a faction of writers might be buddies with somebody or know somebody or want to be somebody. They might throw in a couple of laughs just to kind of pump them up. But it's political. The goal is to be like, impress me cold. It's live. Do it. So, yeah, it's like a doctor's office.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
it is very it's very intense and at the time i thought i did well your clothes off yes i had to so i but honestly i well i will say is i made the sound guy laugh which is how i knew i'd got something somewhere yeah and then i was also i was on hold for the entire year you remember that year no it was insane because i remember when you actually did the audition holden ken and i were at like a bar waiting for you to get done like it was good fellas yes it was waiting for you to
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I was very, very young. I was very green. And so for Saturday Night Live to get on their radar, you normally have to work at some established comedy theater. That's a way it goes about. They don't pick random motherfuckers. Not necessarily, but it's a lot of places they have history. So obviously Second City in Chicago, in Toronto, there's Groundlings in L.A.,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, especially in more modern times, when I started really getting into it, it was like UCB became a fast way in because of the Amy Poehler, Tina Fey connections. But they would also kind of go around, and they'd scout. They would pick up some stand-ups. When they wanted stand-ups, they'd go look for stand-ups. It's really depending on what they're looking for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And at the time, Saturday Night Live, not to be surprising, was looking for a white man. And so I was one of them, right? This is the truth. So I was one of these people. Were you the fattest, at least? Of course. Thank God. Who's going to do that? Who's going to take that from me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But I went... So, one way to get in is to potentially work for somebody that works for Saturday Night Live ahead of time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And so, I mean this. I was very young. It was 2010. January 2010. And I was on my maybe third... pilot audition ever for a show called beach lane that was written by paul sims who did news radio and it was going to be the return of matthew broderick it was to be matthew broderick was coming to television that was like the whole thing it was kristen johnson from third rock from the sun Nick Thune.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Nick Thune, Amy Garcia, these great actors. Nick Thune was great. All these guys were great. And it was this, it was the pilot of the year because it was produced by Lorne Michaels and Marcy Klein, Broadway Video. And we had no idea what this was going to be. So it was a network pilot. And I mean this, this is the, this has never happened since.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Besides my audition for Wolf of Wall Street, where those are the, both of the easiest auditions I've ever had was that Beach Lane audition and Wolf of Wall Street.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
crazy both were just easy i don't know why but that one i remember walking in there it was raining and i was a mess i was disgusting it was the middle of winter i came in i was all wet i was all discombobulated the audition was only five lines long i walked into the the room and for some reason me and the writer clicked me and paul sends me click because i did a thing where i was like there you are peter i was going to i was doing a bit with him i forgot what happened yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
For some reason, they hired me almost on the spot. They went and they took my tape and they tested my tape, which is a thing that doesn't normally happen in networks. And my tape went through a whole process without me having to deal with it. And it was, I got this amazing part.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And I think what happened was that I was so young and dumb and naive because most show business people, you got to understand, people that you know that are famous, they've been acting since they're fucking three. Yeah, they've all been in L.A., they've been in New York, they've been doing things. I'm arriving for the first time into quote-unquote show business at 25, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which is actually kind of old. Which is funny, right? It's old to join show business. And so I... Get this part. And because I had no idea what in the living fuck I was doing, I really think it helped me to crush it. So what you don't know is that in these scenarios, especially these network sitcoms, very, very high level, a lot of money is being dumped into this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They retrofitted an entire studio inside of the Pennsylvania Hotel in New York City. They made a studio for it. They built it. It was crazy. And so much money. You don't understand that every minute you're being watched and every minute you're being judged and they're ready to fire your fucking ass the second that you don't fit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And I at first didn't think that that was real until I watched the original lead of the show get fired that day, who was much more famous than me and much more famous than Nick Thune, who replaced him. He was a famous comedian. I don't want to name him. Yeah. But he got fired from that show who was like the after the first read through. And so you're like... So wild.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But at first, you just don't understand. You're like, oh, shit. Oh, you can get fired at any time. Yeah. For what seems like nothing. And nothing. Just being the improper fit. So... But the thing is that it didn't phase me yet, so I didn't fully grasp that. So to be honest, I did extremely well. I did really well during all of the various levels of the readings. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I went in front of a live studio audience, and I felt at home. I was in front... It felt like doing Murderfest. I was just doing...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
essentially live comedy in a taped area and i clicked there was like a thing where i was like you know that you were like wow i can really do this like network television something i think i can do i have the the timing for it and you ended up doing network television multiple times i did but the producer of that i had the one most dramatic nights of my life was after the shoot of that
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Actually, that's some really good cardio because what's nice is, you know what's funny? Just seeing you do that kind of reminds me of a silly little goose. Doing silly little goose steps. Welcome to Side Stories. Hello! My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with my best friend, Ed Larson. That's right. How you doing, buddy? And we are obviously parodying a bit of what's going on here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We went upstairs. So we were all hanging out. And what's fun about show business is that they're secret places. So I get invited up to a secret area where we could smoke inside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's just how it was. And one of the executive producers looked at me and said, how would you like to be on Saturday Night Live? And I was like... You know, it's a dream. No, I don't want it. Fuck you. But now I know that's truly powerful. Yeah. Saying no is powerful, ladies and gentlemen. And you have to remember sometimes because it can make everything else turn around. You never know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Because if you don't, again, and this is not from us. This is from the organization. We try to beg them to not. Yeah. Wipe out the dogs that are left. We begged them to not. They're pups without borders, and the borders are moral compass. Oh, I thought it was skin and bones. Yes. No, but please come and check this out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It is going to be fun, too, because we've accidentally kind of guaranteed that we're going to do a full show. Yeah, of all material that we'll never do before or after. We have no idea what we're going to do there, so you should come check that out. Yeah, it's going to be wild. I'm very excited. So come on down to the Masonic this Friday, May 23rd, from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Henry's drinking his hot piss juice. Did you use the community microwave for that? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
All right, so I got an update, which this is a really good one. Man with MS, multiple sclerosis, spent over $12,000 to be Gene Simmons' roadie with his 13-year-old son. He got one. Gene Simmons, we covered this before. This program, this championship or whatever, this tournament where you just give him $13,000 and you get to be a roadie for a day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
$12,495 for the ultimate Gene Simmons experience to be exact. Do you think they yelled at him about the monitors?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
you think they have him dragging stuff back and forth because he had to bring his son he was supposed to be roadie for a day he was roadie for a day he helped with the load in he was there for sound check they got to eat some uh italian takeout with genie simmons and it wasn't even kids and he's just like you're gonna want to venmo request me for some of that uh
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's good to be back. My name is Andrew Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. I am recently aggrieved, but now I have completed grieving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
ravioli you have there just so you know like this is the best thing ever I'm so sick Dwayne Rosado and his son Zach paid $12,495 for the experience and that $12,000 there's no way that could have been better suited towards something with his syndrome Dwayne said the father who purchased it as a birthday gift for his son even though it's clearly it's work Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And you're also bringing him to work for Gene Simmons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Oh, man. Dwayne said, you only live once and I want to experience life. I'm not going to die with a lot of money. I'm going to die happy. Honestly, I do agree with that. But his fucking kid's sitting right there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Apparently. Is that him just watching Gene Simmons? Yeah. Is he yelling at him to work? Yeah. You got to say, hey, hey, this is Tinney. This is Tinney. Get the sounds up. Get the medium amps up. Oh, my God. Man, he looks so happy to be at work. Yeah. No, they're doing it. They're wearing the gear, all that stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's over? You're just good now? Done. All right. Well, that is George Winstead. Oh, I know. I know, and I work with him. He's one of the first celebrities that I can even say I can finally have one of those where I worked with George Wendt. I hung out with George Wendt for several days. He was very ill at the time, it seemed. He was somehow younger than my father when he died. He had to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Maybe not. Well, apparently during their Italian food takeout from a local spot, Gene Simmons was regaling the boy of how he lost his virginity at 13 to a married woman along his delivery route. Cool. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
of the day wow yeah just lovingly looking on at that 85 year old man's 75 flat frog ass as he play is he he's not even playing half the time most of this shit's like piped in he's the bassist no offense to your bassist out there but come on well especially well the kiss bass lines are not necessarily he's no robert fripp you know what i mean like this isn't uh what is it uh Crimson King.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Oh, King Crimson. King Crimson. I love, oh, that circus song is so good. It is good. The whole Lizard album, get into it. But if he dies immediately, that'd be incredible. Ooh, Gene Simmons or this guy? This guy. I don't think he's going anywhere. He's got MS. He probably could be around for a while. Now he can't afford to die. Now, I mean, he's spending all his money. I think he was a cop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, gut tracks. You know, it's just the idea of giving him money to work is the most obnoxious thing where you really feel like you could, you probably could have ended up backstage if you just found where he drank and told him you were a huge fan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Like, I really believe, and I want to put this out here to anybody, and this is including us here at Last Podcast and Left, it's really easy to get backstage. You really just have to either act sick. Wear black. Yes, wear black. If he just was like, I have MS. I'd love to see your guitar. Someone's going to let you in there. No, actually, it works better with just a head nod and confidence.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
You don't think that, like, if you go and you tell all these people that you're sick, like, if I went up to, like, obviously not somebody young. Like, you're not going to get back there with, like, a Taylor Swift or something. But I feel like if I walked up to Billy. REO Speedwagon. Easy. Very approachable. I'll stand on stage. I think that if I went up, the manager of REO Speedwagon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
If I went up there and I said that I even had a cold, I'd be back there hanging out. You know what I mean? Coughing all over the amps. And this is because, again, that's what generosity is. Or, especially, if you have big, huge, great tits.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It super helps. And if you're an old nurse with huge tits.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Not as a man, though, unfortunately. You never know these days. Well, yeah. I'm in. I wore that bra yesterday for the Good Pud weed episode that's coming out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
You put on a bra for the weed episode? Jackie and I are doing a new tradition where we're doing a switcheroo. Okay. So I had to dress like her. And she had to dress like you? Yes. Oh, that's good for her. And I had to go buy costumes. So I went around. And you wear mesh? Yeah. No, I just got a dress. I'm going to say it's hard to find a XXXL mesh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And so I went out there and I found some stuff, like not on the internet, but I went and found some and the people were so nice to me. Like I was buying a dress and this lady was like, are you sure that this is your size? She was being so sweet, like, obviously trying to help me, like, my transition or whatever. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is to make fun of women.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, I don't even understand. This is how it used to be in a simpler time where a man would make fun of a woman by dressing at her and going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I would never in a million years. And she didn't even know how to react to that. Yeah. But then I explained to her I'm grieving. I have four more weeks of being deeply offensive. Yeah, no, you do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
He looked rough. He looked really rough. But George Wendt was a comedy hero of mine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I thought you had almost four and a half weeks. It's been a couple weeks since. A couple weeks. I've been told. Oh, interesting. Natalie keeps pointing to the calendar. Wow. She's really got the dates. This is your cutoff. Yeah, it is your cutoff. This is your cutoff. You've been saying some grieving things. Because, again, I'm grieving. I think she should be supporting you during your grief.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
She knows that if she supports me too much, I won't be as offensive as I need to be. She should be your brassiere. What do you mean? Oh, spiritually? Yeah. Your spiritual brassiere. After wearing one for a half an hour? Never again. Really? I think dits should be free. You think so? Yeah. I know some ladies say apparently it's better to feel it. You want to hike them up?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And he was wonderful in person. He said a bunch of stories I can't repeat. which is the best thing you can say about an old-timey actor. Really? I don't think it matters anymore. There's still family out there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And I do feel like that, too, in a way. Well, I don't like boxer shorts for that reason. Same thing. I don't like boxer briefs. I like giving them a little support to the boys. Yes, I like hoist. And I do understand that some people need hoist if they're going around there. But it's what anybody's thrill is. If they're big and sweaty and they might cause a rash. No, it hurt. I had lines on me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
My tits hurt and were hot. You should have got a bigger size.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Wow. Wow, you look great. No, I don't. I mean, you look better than I thought you would. You should put some stockings on, though. I'll tell you that much. No, I wanted people to see my Bavarian legs. Jackie doesn't wear... See, you're good in heels. Yeah, I can run heels. I can run, Jackie. I can fucking run around, Jackie, in circles and heels.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
People really don't know that about you is Henry's better in heels than most women. It's really surprising. I'm pretty good. Yeah. Natalie saw it. She was kind of shocked. Speaking of, there was a, I wanted to do one other quick update. I completely forgot about this. Cool. Let's hear it. Joe Exotic from jail. Oh God. So Joe Exotic from jail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
This update is pretty wonderful. So he got married in jail to a Mexican gentleman. That in a bid to get President Trump's attention for a pardon, he ratted out to ICE. So his new husband, who was then released from jail, was immediately deported to Mexico. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Joe Exotic ratted him out? Ratted his own husband out to ICE. Whoa, I didn't know that part of the story. Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Got him deported. Now he's going to President Trump in the saddest series of tweets I've seen, which he still has access to. It's really past time to have one of your people watch Tiger King season two, where they all admitted to perjury and plot to kill me on world television and let me out. Now, I know you are not fond of my lifestyle, but I supported you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Just allow me to go to Mexico with my husband. Whoa. So it's a tactic. He's a tactic that he deported him to Mexico. I'll tell you what. So that he could go be with him in Mexico after the fact, according to Joe Exotic. The private zoo sector in Mexico, I'm sure, is a little more loosey-goosey than ours. Dude, I bet you some of them are so private that they are public. You know what I mean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
We're just free range tigers. Yeah. Yeah. So Joe Exotic, rough day getting around. The ICE agents didn't understand why he got sent back so fast. He had a hearing scheduled for tomorrow. Hey, Donald Trump, just let me go to Mexico and you can keep Carol Baskin. You caper. So Joe ratted out his husband. Did they get actual married or is it just like, does he call him his husband? That I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Do you think he was able to have sex and have children? I think, oh, yeah, he had before. I mean, he's always been huge. But when he was just straight up, Norm, forget he was 35, you can still push up the gun. That's wild to me. Well, that drives me crazy. I thought he was at least 50 in that show. No, dude, no. He was younger than us. But you know what I will say?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Here's another post from Joe Exotic. If they're actual married, shouldn't he be allowed to stay? No, not anymore. They're getting rid of all the stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
They saw that we were real and serious about our devotion to each other, which is amazing that some of us are the worst of the worst society has to offer us all that in us. Isn't that nice? The prison could have been much harder about it. But you know, for the most part, I have to say, they were pretty cool about us being side by side every day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
We need to get some serious campaigns going to get Trump to let me go. No matter where I am, I'm fine with Mexico or America as long as I spend my last days with my Jorge. Oh, my God. Just send him to fucking Panama. Yep. Or El Salvador, rather. He just had to go. He's angling on a pardon. P. Diddy's defense team is already angling for a pardon from Trump. But aren't there state charges in there?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Doesn't matter, they'll pardon the rest of them. Yeah, but they're still going to be in there forever. Those are the hardest charges to get on P. Diddy. The worst part about the P. Diddy trial is, to be honest, it's so depressing. It's extremely depressing to watch. It's not a fun trial like the Lurie trial.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It basically is constantly asking you to ask the question of what's a victim and what's a co-conspirator. And these women are getting torn apart on the stands, going up there, spilling their whole lives. But they also like... they did technically say a bunch of different stuff to a bunch of different people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And now like the hardest part is proving all the racketeering charges, which is this idea that P Diddy was doing this before a certain number of other criminalities. Like he was doing, he was trafficking humans. He was also selling drugs and he was too. And you have to put it all together in one instance. He very well may beat the state charges. He might get other charges in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
He might get a couple of years and then Trump can just lop it off the top because he's specifically taking money for part. Yeah. Racketeering takes a long time to prove. It takes like almost a decade to put together the case. And they rushed this case. Yeah. They rushed this case. So I have no idea what's going to happen until we have weeks left. I want to say this is week two of the trial.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And they said they have six weeks of of of witnesses. The prosecution has, so that's going to be a lot. You know who else is fighting for a pardon? Derek Chauvin. Isn't that crazy? Well, he's one of those. He's still got state, and so he'll still have to stay in, even though. Yeah, he's got 20-year state charges. Also, Derek Chauvin should be lucky he's in jail. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Because I feel like he can be isolated in jail. That would be street justice. I think that motherfucker would have a target on his back for the rest of his life, and that fucking piece of shit deserves it. Absolutely. Fuck him. Fuck Derek Chauvin. I hope that they are chasing him around jail right now. Get him! Come on, get him! This one's kind of an update. Do you mind if I take one real quick?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
You really are putting a lot of... It's just on the woman. When it comes to George Wendt, if you're going to have sex with George Wendt, just know he's going to be on the bottom. And you're going to have to ride him because that's how it's going to get. If you want to come at all, you're going to have to ride him and you're going to have to pump him full of Cialis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, sure. Um... So remember when I was talking about a couple, probably like two or three months ago, about the Haitian gangs that killed like hundreds of old people because they thought that old people were witches and they put a curse on the gang leader's kid? Well, there has been retribution for that. For this, I haven't really covered the story as much as I wish I have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But so a Haitian woman who had lost family members to violent criminal gangs took her revenge by poisoning 40 gang members with tainted empanadas. So she straight up. Killed. Yeah. 40 gang members. And she'd been like out there. They killed her family. They said apparently what she did was that she was local. She sold these things for, I don't know how to pronounce it. It's called like pates. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah. Pate probably. Pates. There's something, it's got a bunch of different. It's essentially a Haitian empanada. Yes, it's an empanada, which honestly, I'm looking at them. They look pretty good. I bet they're great. I love an empanada. And so she was known as a lady that would serve the community. She played it cool for months. Oh, yeah. That's a lady right there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
She played it cool for fucking months. Oh, yeah, dude. And then one day, she just gave all the gang members free empanadas. Oh, yeah. She just rolled up with a bunch of free empanadas. They were so excited to see it. And so she filled it all with some form of insecticide. Yes. And then they all fucking vomited themselves to death. Yeah, like full on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I tell you what, though, that is not going to... It's lessen the suspicion of them being witches. No. That's for fucking certain. It's not going to make them nothing because that is a witch move.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Well, they burned down her house and she turned herself into the cops. Well, dude, that was the other thing, too. She said that she ran to the police after she did it because she knew that she was a wanted woman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Which is even like you're just hoping for the best with that situation as well, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. They immediately burned her house down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so, I mean, this is just a crazy fucking thing. She killed 40 of them, and they all died. I mean, that is just fucking nuts. No, that is, even the fact that it worked out effectively.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
So someone gave you two cassette tapes of Pan Flute. Yes, the Pan Flutes, yeah. I actually took them home, and I listened to the Pan Flute tape today when I was in the shower, because I like to listen to my tapes when I'm in the shower. Sure. And it was great. They had a Pan Flute version of We Got Tonight. That's amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But unfortunately, not anymore because now he's a corpse. But great actor, great friend, great father. I also want to say, you know how I know actually I'm not done grieving? OK, let me hear one of the biggest things that came out of me in this like, you know, sadness spiral lost my father. For those of you who don't know, it's not like he's not in the woods. He's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And that really, again, every time you want to say you can't, you mean won't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
So the gang members were of Viv and Zanum. They're a Port-au-Prince gang affiliated with former policeman termed Crime Boss Jimmy Chazier. And he's also known as Barbecue. Oh, yeah, yeah, the guy's name. This is the bad guy's name, right? The bad guy's name is known as Barbecue, and then he burned down our house. Yep, that makes sense. I mean, technically, that sounds like it's kind of his MO.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I imagine this woman ain't going to last long, unfortunately. Well, they are deciding whether or not a guest to... to charge her with anything. They don't know what to charge her with, which is going to be murder. But then it sounds like, well, is she going to end up being fucking the second she's in jail? Is she going to be torn apart? Probably. She might have to go away forever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
She might have to go to another jail. I don't know what they do for people. Send her to Canada. Oh, wow. I think that's the only option. You can't send her here anymore, unfortunately. No, no, no. Yeah, so maybe Canada can take her or something. But what will they do? I think that's our best option. We've got to get this woman to Canada. I think that, I mean...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It just sounds like, I mean, she's still a murderer. She's a vigilante murderer for sure. No question about it. She killed 40 people. That is like, so that's like. She straight up killed 40 people. That's somebody you might want to keep an eye on. Yes. But she also got nothing to lose. And it sounds like she finally dealt with something that needed to get dealt with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yes, and also I will say this is a very loosely written article from Oddity Central, so there might be some flaws to some of the things that I said. It's a short article, but I'm not 100% sure. Oh, no, Eddie, don't question. There's no way that this four-paragraph article from odditycentral.com. That's completely insane. There is no way. That there is anything fake about it. Okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I refuse to acknowledge that. But either way, a story is a story is a story. You know what? We don't let the truth get in the way of a good story, Andy. Well, please, honestly, if you know more about this situation that's happening there. SideStoriesLPOTL at gmail.com. I'm deeply interested in everything that's happening there. It has a terrorist designation, Vive Ensemble. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's considered a terrorist group. No, they've completely taken over. Yep, that is a thing. Well, also, the problem truly now, too, is what is all fucking messed up because we have the administration that we have, and they're kind of obsessed with other people's gang activities. Yeah. We will see. Oh, MS-13. That could have been the guy who bought the Gene Simmons bag for $13,000. MS-13.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
That's his nickname. Honestly, they're great. That's probably what he called them all the time. What was his name? MS-13? Get him over here. You got any more money? I want a sandwich. MS-13 grand. Yeah. Honestly, I kind of already spent the 13 grand. Yeah. Let's talk to one of our, I want to talk about one of our major stories today, Eddie, which is Annabelle is out there. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And Annabelle's causing fucking problems. It's wild. She's out there, man. Lots of haunted doll stuff going down here. Yeah. I do want to say, you know, I'm sorry I missed your Robert the doll presentation last week. No, it's nice to see him. Hi, Robert. You looking good, buddy? He likes you. Looking good. Fleet Week, huh? Yeah, baby. It is Fleet Week. And he gave him a little gift.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
No, he has that. That's his doll. Because Robert has a doll. Yeah, that's right. Oh, great. See, I love Robert. I feel so strong, to be honest with you. Ever since I've made my connection with Robert, I feel like my life's been going great. I feel like everything's up and going. He's my new best friend. Your current dog's still alive? Yeah, both of them are still going. Yeah, he's an ally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, everything really has been great since Robert has entered my life. Yes, except my father died. Well, I mean... That's for me, not for me. That's your problem. Yeah, it's different. I'm very sorry about that. No, but it is my problem. It's Sunday the Black Lab and George Wendt died. So that is something. All of them. It happens in threes. It does come in threes. It does come in threes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But my father is my father passed. And first of all, I just want to say big ups to the people over at Ho Spice. They really did a good job. Helped my father out. I'm not even joking. I do believe that a part of my father's positive reaction to his nurse was how stacked she was. Yeah. You manifested this. Honestly, I don't want to give myself too much credit, but yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Just like, at least it's over. So, in creepy doll news. So Annabelle is on tour. Yeah. Jealous. Apparently she's doing Radio City Musical. But Annabelle's doll is on the Annabelle the doll. For those of you that don't remember, Annabelle was featured as the main antagonist from the Conjuring film. Everybody knows who Annabelle is. Hey, fuck, you never know. Fuck it, don't treat all my children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Every single time I don't describe it, someone's like, I don't know what he's saying. He says stuff, and I don't know what he's saying. Honestly, if you don't know who Annabelle the doll is... How'd you find yourself here? If you are still listening, turn it off. Yes. We don't want you. Yeah, you know what? I'm done. I'm done with you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
So Ed and Lorraine Warren's Occult Museum, apparently other items from it as well are on tour. It's because it's closed. Yes. And I think the Warren boy is taking it all around. Yes. One of them is get one last bit of money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But the issue was, which is that every ghost hunter said, you know, we have a lot of conflicting stories because I've talked to like the new Kirk's and people that are now more in the newer versions of occult thought. And the idea of cursed objects really holding any specific power anywhere is kind of, like, up to debate. Deciding whether or not, like, is it your belief in it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Is it someone's specific relationship with something? Does it all come... Is every single piece of paranormal activity coming from inside our brains?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Right? And that thing is just, like, a focal point? Who knows? But every other ghost hunter said... Leave Annabelle alone. Wow. If Annabelle is what you say it is, it should be on tour. It's like what they did to Amy Winehouse. What do you mean? When they put her... They worked her to death. Oh, she worked... She had a dark streak. Oh, come on. They worked her to death and she had a dark streak.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
They worked Ralphie Mae to death. She did too many drugs. I mean, Ralphie Mae definitely... He died of pneumonia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And that's not his fault. That's just where he got to. He had problems. He did that. So Annabelle, she's out there, right? So now she's on tour. But because she's on tour, there's been a series of events that have been in the same area where Annabelle has been on tour. Yeah, New Orleans. Number one was the burndown of the Nottoway Plantation, which is some big plantation. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It burnt down while she was there. I don't know if she had gasoline on her. Yeah. Bringing Annabelle down there is not a way to keep that thing standing. No. No. I do... Nothing? How do you say this? It's not that I... I like the concept and look of a plantation home. Yes, go ahead. Just all the stuff with it. Yeah, it comes with baggage. I like the wraparound porches. I love a wraparound porch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I love the field where you can just, you have so much room for activities. That's one of my favorite things about a plantation is just all the room, you know? Are you allowed to build a new home that looks like a plantation home or is that also bad? If it has no history, if it's a brand new home, but it looks just like an antebellum mansion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, what's the moral code on that one? I'd like to ask the audience, because I wonder if we can rebuild it to be a, and you can put up pictures of Harriet Tubman. You can put up pictures of George Washington Carver. You can put up pictures of Cory Booker. Yeah. All sorts of stuff on the walls to sort of show people I'm cool. Yeah. Right? Yeah. But Annabelle's not. Annabelle was not having it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I believe I created this busty nurse that was an angel on earth that arrived and wiped my father and did all the things that he needed to do at the very, very end. Yeah, but he wasn't fighting. No. Which I think before he was fighting because it was men. And then all of a sudden we have this lady where you can sort of see her nipples. And now he's just open. Polish broad? No, I don't think so, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Well, unless this is super liberal of Annabelle. I think it is. She burned down the plantation. She's anti-hate. And then also, she liberated a jail. Well, this is the issue. So now there has been a, tonight there's going to be a jailbreak.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And so, you better not be around. Right? Because they're gonna fucking group rape you. Now, this is different. No, it's a jailbreak. This is bad. They don't have a taste for butt yet. We have to be careful with this crew, right? So, seven guys escaped from the, this was in the Orleans Parish Sheriff's Office. Yeah, the parish jail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yes, the OSPSO or whatever, the OPSO, whatever it is, the Orleans Justice Center. So, seven guys. Very dangerous criminals. Eleven. Eleven. Was it 11? Yes. But like a couple of murderers, a couple of guys with some sexual assaults, a couple of guys like, this is a bad crew of dudes. They removed the toilet from a wall inside of the Justice Center.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Ran out of it, but before leaving, they wrote the message too easy, unspelled, misspelled, T-O-E-Z. They definitely misspelled it. An L-O-L. Yeah, too easy, L-O-L, which is like everyone was laughing about it. Today, they caught the guy, the maintenance guy that helped them that shut off the water. And now these guys are free. I think they got two of them. I mean, it's always changing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But they had a 24-hour lead time because they spent. Oh, yeah, that's right. They did all this. I forgot they blurred out all the other stuff. They said they blurred out the we. They wrote we innocent. Someone says I'm innocent. They scratched out I'm. They wrote we. Then wrote, fuck OPSO, suck my dick OJC. Yeah, yeah. You know, most hated. The guy drew his eyeballs on it. He drew most hated.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
They had time, obviously. Yes. To do a bunch of doodles. But the main issue is that the doodles are funny and the sentiment is fun, but the men are extremely dangerous. Yes. And the other problem is, is that... I want to say this to anybody... If somebody is in jail for multiple murder counts, and yeah, you're in jail with them now. You're hanging out. You're a maintenance guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
You're hanging out with them. One dude was tied to a mass shooting during Mardi Gras. That's the worst place to get tied to. Un-nut him. If you're working with any of these guys, you just got to know... they're not gonna uphold their end of the bargain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
If you believe in the men that are fueled by Annabelle's power, that they are going to, I guess, pay you money later on, or they're gonna hook up something for a family member after this for you if you just help them out, They're not gonna do it. You're gonna be left carrying the bag. These guys are, they were scot-free for 24 hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
They had no idea they were there because they fucked up the night head count.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And so they just fucked it up and they said the guy whose job was to watch, this is true, the guy whose job it was to watch the night surveillance cameras, it was his one job, he left the office to grab a snack I believe he went to Raising Cane's and then left the cameras unoccupied, and they just ran out. He's probably in on it, too. You watch this other thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
You're seeing they're all tugging on this one door trying to get out, and you see guys just walk past like, I don't want to fight. And then you guys see other guys trying to help them get the door open, which is really fun, but then they just stay. Listen, I love New Orleans. I love New Orleans. I think New Orleans is a wonderful place. It's one of the best places on the face of the fucking planet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
No, unfortunately. No. No, no, no, no. I wish. The night nurse was also stacked, but that's different. Yeah, the night nurse is always stacked. That's why they keep her in the evening. She's got to be there. Yeah, it's like, yeah, she wore lingerie. I actually thought it was kind of inappropriate. Yeah. But at the same time, slipped her a 50. You know what I mean? Because it was like, thanks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But here's... the problem with New Orleans and if I'm speaking get a turn I know I'll get my ass handed to me they don't fix nothing no they don't fix anything in New Orleans it's all just if it's broke it stays broke until something a disaster happens it's deteriorating New Orleans is just it's hard because it's a preservation jazz hall is crumbling It's called Preservation Hall. It is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
New Orleans needs an injection of cash that's not just covered in cocaine. And this lady is just really very, very upset about the... Susan Hudson, who was the sheriff, is saying it's impossible to break out from the Justice Center without help. And so she's not wrong. But I also, again, to bring it back to Epstein... Oh, here we go. ...is that it reminds me to bring it back to Epstein.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Oh, yeah, because these guys are doorfully involved with Epstein. I'm just saying... I was watching one expert talk about Epstein and his death, and they were saying, if you walked into that prison where Epstein was, where we held, I believe, El Chapo, I think a couple of super high-level criminals. Well, he's getting his family back now. Thank God. I know we missed them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Like El Nino, his son, La Nina, his daughter. And they... His grandpa, El Papa. El Papa, you see?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's staffed by big, fat, dumb idiots. Huge idiots. They don't know what, they don't give a fuck. They literally were going out for Raising Cane's. They weren't even going out for good New Orleans food. They just got fast food. Seriously, it's just a job. Like, it's just a job to them. So this idea that you think that each person inside of a prison is the most devout person
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
warrior of justice just understand that that it's there's a lot of lapses like there's a lot of problems inside of these private jails because they're specifically using money to not they're taking the money they're not fixing the jail like the fact that you could pop the toilet out of the wall is too easy it is too easy and that's why it was greased but so easy so easy it was so easy
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And that's the reason why it had to be greased. Greased by the magic of Annabelle. As now Annabelle is, sadly and very frighteningly, is on its way to Rhode Island. And I want the people of Providence to know that you need to batten up your hatches, whatever hatches you have to be battened. Prisons need to be watched extra.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And know that, I mean, I, for love of Christ, I think, isn't Rhode Island known for hot dogs? You know, I messed up. It's not Rhode Island. It's actually Rock Island, Illinois. And it's Rock Island Roadhouse in Rock Island, Illinois. You can see where I fucked up when I read.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
rock it's going to a place called annabelle is going to a rock island roadhouse yeah because she wants to meet the ghost of patrick swain who doesn't who doesn't yeah i think apparently can't dance her way out of cancer so oh no so the haunted oh so that's another haunted location the rock island road yeah ah yes you see that's fine you can bring her to an already haunted place
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
The Devil's on the Run tour with Annabelle. Annabelle is featured like she's the lead singer of Evanescence.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
If you want to lean over on my father a little harder, please. If you could. Give them a thrill. It's the last one I'll ever have. It might help them pass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's not like she's singing a song or doing time. She's literally just going to sit in a little chair and you have Josh Purvis Oh, who are these guys? Anyway, Rock Island Roadhouse, October 4th, 2025. Get your tickets. Lots of the awards. A cult museum's going to be there. And the empty casket. Some kind of ghost investigator, John Purvis. Yes, of course he is. Why else would he fucking be there?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Probably, I don't know. Maybe he'd be a doll guy. Oh, man. I was asking Robert the Doll about Annabelle, and he was like, that messy bitch? Woo, shit. Yeah, she wants it, but I don't fucking need to get it. You know what I mean? No, I know what you mean, Robert. You got to be careful with these girls you travel around. You're a sailor. Well, he is a lady, actually. Remember?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
He's got the ghost of a little girl inside of him. But we all do. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Love you, Robert. No disrespect. I love you so much, Robert. No disrespect. Of course there's no disrespect. Real quick, right before we get in here, this guy, I want to cover real quick the Casper cereal biter. All right. I got another quick one after that. You do Casper. I believe this is Casper. It's Neutrona. I don't know what state this is in. This isn't a bad place, whatever it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's not good. It's a guy who bites people professionally. Now, this guy with his fucking charmer by the name of Andrew Barrett, he nearly bit the finger off of a Natrona County Sheriff's Office on Deputy Tuesday. And so he was put into court over Zoom. Yeah. And he said that as he was talking, he'd start going... They barked a lot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And he started barking and flicking his tongue in and out like he was a hot dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And then he said that his, they asked him how he, you know, he said, he's like, hi, my name is Andrew Barrett. I'm a crocodilian. And they said that he was mainly, he was caught with marijuana. And he would caught, but he hit the cop. MF, MF. Yeah, I think the meth was doing the heavy lifting. Yeah, we don't want to give weed a bad name here. No, no. But sometimes weed makes you hungry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Banner Wyoming Medical Center. Sometimes you just get fucking hungry, dude. Yeah, oh yeah. I can see it being munchies. When I see a fucking cop with big, thick old sausage fingers, sometimes it's like, oh, god damn. Give us a nibble. Do you think he keeps mustard in his pockets? I mean, it smells like it. Barrett's on parole for serving prison time for aggravated assault and battery charge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
So that involved his previous charge was in 2021. He bit the tip off of an index finger of a Banner Wyoming Medical Center employee. This guy's got the, like, that's jaw strength. Cereal biter. Yeah. Like, ha! I hope his dentist is using this as good press. Honestly, he is. He's a heck of a... He's a hungry boy, a heck of a boy, and he's just trying to get a little chomp of a nurse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
What happens when a guy loses something, loses his family, he gets and becomes a hollow moon enthusiast. If he loses his pension, he starts believing in flat earth and stuff like that. And I found in the center of my grief, what brought me quite a bit of comfort was the Jeffrey Epstein story. Oh, yeah. And I've now been reading a giant book. It's childhood stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
So the cop's finger, did you read about that? No. He bit the top of it and bit down to the bone and then peeled back the meat. And so the bone was still there. Yeah, it is. But he ripped off everything else, apparently. It's a cool name for a fucking cop to become bone finger. Yeah. That's funny. Because I wouldn't change... I'd never fix it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I mean, I don't... I just have that one little bone finger. You can fix it. But they should lop it off. Oh, yeah. I think they put...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
putty on it or something can you put a cap on it you have to seal the wound for sure but you bite it off and then if it's just meat yeah i'm pretty sure you have to sew saw the bone you can't just side stories lpotl at gmail.com it cool you could put a little cap on it it would be cool if you could put a little cap on it but i don't see how you screw a cap into flesh it just goes over like a big condom sure and then what you do is but then you pull it off when you mean business and like you better watch it before i tickle you with my bone finger
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Well, they gave him a $100,000 cash bond.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
They're like, we know, sir. We know they are letting him go. But that's what happens when he's a hungry boy and he just likes a little chompy chomp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Oh, man. I've never bit anybody. You know a better person? I've been bit. Chris Blakely bit me in the eye. Really? Yeah, because he pushed me and then I hit him in the face with my baseball glove. And then he attacked me and bit me in the eye. And then we fought on the baseball field. My mom was there and she was saying, he's got AIDS.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, did he? I don't think so, but he did die. Of what? I imagine he died of drugs if I were to guess, but I don't know for sure. Yeah, I could guess that. I know he was in some kind of a car accident and got a bunch of money from the settlement. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. That's fun for him. And got trashed. But then, yeah, that was a problem that seemed to be bad for him. Is that him?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Some people can have money straight up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
April 30th, 2024. That is literally the guy that bit you on the eye is that we're looking at his obituary right now?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
This isn't him. That's pretty good. That's close. I'm pretty close. Yeah, he's 39. Well, no, he would be 81. I think he was a year older than me, so he might be 80. So, yeah, this isn't the Chris Blakely I knew that died. And the guy I knew that died died a while ago. Okay. So it's not him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not as exciting then, I guess. Not as exciting. No. So, all right, well. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Just don't bite anybody. I guess maybe we should bleep his name. Whatever. Just because, well, fuck him. He's dead. He's dead. Yeah, that's right. And he bit me. So fuck him. Yeah, right. I had another story I was going to tell, but it's too sad to end the show on, I think. Which one?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
The one where the guy killed his wife and his two girls because he wanted a boy and she was pregnant with another girl. Yeah, that's pretty sad. So he just killed everybody. Yeah, it's pretty sad. Yeah, you guys can read about that on your own time. Yeah, you go enjoy that on your own. And then also, if you want to just come by my house... I'll tell you all about Jeffrey Epstein.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
So if you just happen to find my address on the internet, which you can pretty easily, just come by the house and see if you can handle it. And if you want to have sex with some dogs, we've hired Jeffrey Pupstein to be at the show this weekend. Jeffrey Pupstein is not fucking dogs. He's just bringing dogs that are willing to fuck. All right, listen. They're going to fucking cancel the event.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
That's what's going to happen after this. They're literally just going to cancel the event. What are you talking about? They're going to be like, why do you keep talking? All you've talked about is fucking and murdering dogs. We're selling dogs over here! That's what I'm saying. I'm trying to create urgency to get the dogs. Yeah! That's like, just adopt the dogs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
All the stuff I said about them immediately killing them is not true. Prince Andrew's gonna be there. Yep. My buddy. My buddy. Hey.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Pepino. They really were working on finding him, huh? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I love Hilaria. Yeah. That fucking white woman. I forgot about how Rachel Dolezal the other day looked it up for Jackie. I forgot that Rachel Dolezal had changed her name to Ndeke Diallo. I forgot that that still holds. Yeah, I mean, she should have done that in the first place. Yeah, she should have.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
All right, we got some stories. A little back story. I was 17 years old at the time, living in a small rural town on the Illinois side of the Wisconsin-Illinois border. You were living in Illinois. That is, anybody that lives in the Illinois border is living in Illinois. It doesn't matter what state you're right next to. Yeah, that's a good point.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Nothing really there. Lots of corn and darkness. So it can be a pretty spooky backdrop to reality, especially when you were as smoked out as your gourd as I was. No weed for me now because I'm a firefighter.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I think you can fucking do it, Stone. Every Friday night. It's half fire. Just light your joint and spray it. Every Friday night, I would go hang out with my older sister, eight years my senior, while her boyfriend worked nights at the local Chrysler auto plant. We'd get chibed out, watch scary movies, and make some munchies. Some of the best times of my life.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
My sister's house was creepy as fuck, though, sometimes. They bought it from a single seven-year-old male who, from what neighbors said, would host Halloween parties for the neighborhood children with a spooky maze into the basement for their prize of candy. Or, in my speculation, maybe some diddling. That's on you. You never know. Some people just like Halloween. Yeah.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And they're not always molesting. Sometimes when they're molesting, it's not on Halloween because then that ruins Halloween for them because then Halloween becomes work. They molest on Easter. Still candy. The basement had a weird closet with a tiny door for a peephole, right? Where an average height male could look through for whatever reason.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But he had the girls behind the stand. Filling it with piss. Oh, yeah. And that's how you know it. Because, again, he's making his own lemonade. Yeah. And that's called producer's juice. Oh, and that's what I have here today. I learned that from the P. Diddy trial. Producer's juice. Just a little bit. Is that coffee? No.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Again, he's just checking to make sure they only take one Snickers. There was a small man-made pond in the background and when we drained it, there was a marble bust of a head in a classic Greek Roman style tied with a chain around the neck to a cinder block. It's weird shit. Weird guy. It's probably haunted in some way.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
So this particular night seemed no different than any other night as we settled into our routine. Just me, sis, her big cat. With a feast of homemade quesadillas and many rips out of the bong, we watched a documentary on Mr. Unabomber himself.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Then my sister asked me to empty the bong, place it in a closet in the back room of the basement to keep it out of sight of her stepdaughter when she came home over the weekend. I took the bong, emptied it in the kitchen sink, and started on my way downstairs.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I had to duck because the ceiling above the stairs was too short for me and immediately turned right where you can see in the living room area. And against the far wall is a sliding glass door that leads outside to the backyard.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Taking my right turn into a full 180, I walked through a utility hallway to a back bedroom where I placed the bong in a cardboard box alongside my other high school smoking essentials. I then headed back the way I came, thinking nothing of anything really, but then I turned my head to the right towards the sliding glass door and I immediately froze.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
The only other time I felt this was when I came face to face with a moose while hunting in Colorado. What I saw moving in front of the glass door was a black, bipedal, dangly creature with bright green eyes about three to four feet tall. The goblin, what I believe it to be, was almost scaly in appearance, and we made eye contact for what felt like forever.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
In an instant, it bolted towards the far wall, not towards me, but my feet fell. My feet felt like they were glued to the carpet. It hid behind the side of an old couch, and I noped the fuck out of there, hitting my head in the low ceiling on the way up. I immediately reported what I saw to my sister, who said I was just stoned, and it was the cat.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I refute her claim immediately, pointing out that the cat was sitting on her lap. There's no way in hell I would have made it upstairs without me noticing, and that fucking cat is now four feet tall. I tell the story to as many friends and people as I can tell, and in the words of Henry, I know what I saw. Yeah, well, I think you've got to smoke weed again, fire cop.
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Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I mean, you might need to, because if you're seeing goblins on weed, dude, that's fucking crazy, man. Yeah, that shit's free. Yeah, if I want to see goblins, I just go to my algorithm. Yeah, no, that's the problem. They're right there, or I just walk the streets of Los Angeles, because I've learned to live every day knowing that I am a goblin, too. And I love my goblin community.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
They've reached out to me in my time of need.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
That's a hot, hot, hot pee, because that's what I learned also from the P. Diddy trial this week, is that if you're producing and you ain't making people drink pee, you're not P. Diddy. I mean, his first name is P. But I did not know it stood for pee-pee. You know, like, I did not know. I thought it said for precocious diddy. We all know what the R in R. Kelly stood for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
No. I wish that he could have arrested Tammy Hull. Oh. Just for the sake of him being able to take her down. You would have been half Tammy if that happened. Wow, yeah. You think that she would have flipped that on my father? I think so. I think my father liked a softer woman. I don't think you have a choice, though, when it comes to Tammy. She gets her eyes on you. You're hers. Her pussy's a dick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
We have big old plans here at patreon.com slash lastpodcasts on the left. You can pay us money and you can see us do stuff out loud and in person. And you can go to twitch.tv slash lpntv. Right now our streams are on pause. They are going to be back on soon. Except for last stream on the left. That never goes anywhere. That never goes anywhere. That's going to stay the same no matter what we do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Go to lastpodcasts on the left.com. Buy tickets for our live shows. You have to. Contact in the desert is coming up immediately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Oh, God. You're dying. Come fucking see it. Yeah, it's the last... It's May 29th through June 2nd, Contact in the Desert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
So come out to that. It's a Palm Desert, the Renaissance Resort. You're going to have a lot of fun. Henry and I are just going to be walking around getting drunk with a bunch of people with... Oh, yes. But also know that we are going to be doing our comedy night, which is a first for them, doing a purely comedy time. And we are going to legitimately, we might really upset them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I think they'll have a great time. Yeah, I'm excited. Well, we got Amber and Billy Wayne Davis are coming. Oh, yeah. It's going to be a blast. We are going to have a fucking blast. Cannot wait to go see us at Contact in the Desert. Also, go to buy us, buy tickets for CrimeWaveAtSea.com. Yes. That is for our true crime cruise that we're doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Departs out of Fort Lauderdale, Florida, November 3rd through the 7th on Royal Caribbean Cruise Line. So come enjoy that. And we got some more. We're about to announce some more side stories, Dade. So keep listening and find out if we're coming to your city. Got some interesting towns picked out. I'm very excited. Yes. Also, I got an announcement.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I got a show on August 21st out here in Los Angeles called Dead Men Tell Some Tales. Oh, yes. A deep dive into Disney's dark history. That's going to be Thursday, August 21st at 7.30 p.m. at the Elysian Theater. I'm doing the show with my buddy, Disney Dan Becker. It's going to be a lot of fun. We're going to talk about everyone who's ever died at the Disney parks and joke about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's going to be interesting. It's just in time for the beginning of the Oogie Boogie Bash. So if you're going to that, come to this as well. It's going to be a lot of fun. Tickets available on eddytoons.com. Yeah, come check us out. You guys are going to be fun. I like this guy. No, he's going to be great. He's going to be great. I wanted you to meet him. He came to the Orlando show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, he seemed like a nice guy. Can't wait for him to see his wares. Natalie likes him. Natalie thinks she enjoys his Disney content. There we go. There we go. Crossover. Crossover. All right, you fuckers. Thank you guys for all of your support. This has been Side Stories. And it's been great, hasn't it? Yes. Let's get those orcas out of their can. Do some fucking work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Somebody else do it, though. I mean, someone else has to do it. They clearly abandoned them. Yeah, someone, I mean, you know. Honestly, I don't know who's going to fit the bill to get these orcas out of here. You know who could use some really, really good press?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Now we do, don't we? At least it wasn't C, because if he was P. Kelly, he'd be Poo Poo Kelly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
P. Diddy. P. Diddy. And he's got the money. Looking at you, P. Diddy. Do you think they drink baby oil? I mean, they'll have to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I was like, I was like, I feel like I would take a lot of the drama out of that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But he did his fair share of peeing as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Oh, he did. And Chuck Berry. And they really like it. They really like it. But I have been reading the book by, she might be listed as a controversial person now. I'm not quite certain. Whitney Webb, that was an investigative journalist, that wrote two 850-page volumes. about the various business connections of Jeffrey Epstein and the various intelligence connections that he had.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And I'll tell you what, it is a laugh a minute. Yeah. It's the funniest book I read since Norm MacDonald's last book. What were they saying? Was he involved with, I don't know, China? We've got to educate Ed Larson a little bit on this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
No, I don't want to do this to you, because when we went to the... We were at Cruel World Festival this weekend, and right before... I was on the right amount of Mushrooms and Rockstar energy drink to...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I was like full on info dumping on Marcus about Lucky Luciano, the connections of the OG Mafia Five families and CIA and the or the the whole like the naval intelligence units that were using mobsters in the 1940s to rat out Nazi secret agents in the unions of New York City, which is a movie in and of itself that I can't forget.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
believe that i have never seen it's called operation underground it's completely real that's very cool yeah it's fucking they went they brokered relations so this is one of the beginnings of when we were in the whole mk ultra mishigash where the cia and the other intelligence agencies were using open criminals to help suss out what they said was spy activity so the the mob hated the nazis
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Mob hated the Nazis. Even though the Nazis and the Italians were in bed together? Well, the OG Italians, not American Italians.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Ah, time. But yeah, that's like, but it's very similar to, the reason why I even bring it up is because the Epstein activity and the Diddy activity was all extremely, extremely close. And again- They had to have known each other. Maybe, but it seems the main difference was the fact that Jeffrey Epstein definitely was a member of the intelligence community. And so you can kind of see this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But this book is like, I mean, it's thick. Ours or Mossad? Both. Wow. Both. And then he was working for both. And it's more just like, can we have a good kind of even keeled conversation about the Mossad? Did you not to be this guy, but did you check out the bibliography? Can't this chick just write whatever she wants? What do you mean? I mean, what was her sources? Oh no, this is, it's huge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's really just, she's doing a good job of just presenting facts and just like trying to figure out what was Jeffrey Epstein's job? How the fuck did he have money? And on one hand, it seems that he did quite a bit of some form of investing and working with billionaires.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But on the other hand, if you work for the intelligent agencies, as we could see with one of my favorites, Marjorie Taylor Greene, that if you get
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
inside information about what the government's going to do and what other world governments are going to do and how they're going to either regulate their businesses or inside bullshit from other businesses, you can make a lot of money in the stock market. So that was his on the books money? Well, it's all over the place. So this book is charting all of it. And you can see it's quite complicated.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Of course. It would have to be. It's called One Nation Under Blackmail. I can't really... One nation under a blackmail. Honestly, he left that. He's leaving money on the fucking table. Whitney Webb is somebody that I... Honestly, I don't know how else to recommend any of the things that she's done, but this is... It's thick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And if you want to become an extremely difficult person to talk to, especially when you're in a kind of mixed mood, read that book. Because that is what... Marcus was like my hostage. This is how you mourned your father. Oh, yes, of course. This and watching various. I watched a lot of cops. I watched a lot of, you know, my normal body cam footage. And I'm going to show tonight live on the stream.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
You won't see it until it comes to YouTube. I'm going to show some of the other things that really did help me pass the time. Oh, well, that's good. But otherwise, it's great. And God, you know, there just need to be more big, crazy-titted nurses out there that are ready to do the work. Amen. Amen. I feel like if you have... Really big breasts. You should get a discount at nursing school.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. But I also want to reach out. I got so many different. E-cups free. Wow. Yes. Free nursing school. You're a doctor now. No, no, no. You can't have him be a doctor. Big-titted doctor. Well, big-titted doctor leaves the room too fast. Yeah, sure. A nurse has to check up on you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, I kind of liked it. But this is fine, but it definitely doesn't make me horny. No, definitely doesn't make me horny. Only reason I enjoy it is because I was in the shower when I was listening to it. Oh, sure. And I feel like pan flutes are...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, the doctor ain't rolling me over to make sure I don't get sores. No, not unless, again, you're paying them directly. I want to also say thank you to all of the various nurses that reached out to me. I have a lot of friends. Yeah, Olga, Petunia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
yeah yeah yeah i love i just love each one of them and i but i got reached out to by a lot of people that have like internet friends of mine that are in the nursing industry and that you it takes a special type of angel oh for sure it's a calling that you're just not gonna do i have a friend because even though jackie and i were trying to draw the straight straw we were trying to draw the short straw to see who got to wipe daddy did you not do it
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
No. I did. I'd rather... Not your father, mine. I'd rather beat John Wick's dog. I'd rather be... You have to kill it. Yeah, I would rather be... To not wipe my father, I would have done anything. Really? I'll wipe anybody else. You know, it's interesting, except for my mother. I think my mother's slightly higher on the list of who I don't want to wipe. Really? But dad's real close.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
And then the third one is... Me. Old Papa Joe Biden. Oh, yeah. Someone's going to have to be wiping him soon. He's sitting on some rocks. Yeah, poor fucker. Hey, it's fine. He's tired now. We'll forget about him soon. Oh, he already forgot about himself. You know, while we're talking about death, my favorite internet dog died. It finally happened to me. Which one? Sunday the Black Lab.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
God, help me. It's so sad. I know. Now I'm following Little Bitties. Little bitties? And Cheddarini. How are they doing? They're healthy, but that's the reason why I even chose them is because they're mid-age. I think the next internet dog I fall in love with- Puppy. Puppy, yeah. I'm going to fall in love with a puppy. Just be able to spend some time with it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I'll keep the real dog death to my own home. Yes, because that's where you're comfortable with it. Yeah, yeah. Somewhere so I can be a- Also, before we move on past everything that happened with Florida and stuff like that, I have to say- You missed our shows together. I know. I was so sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
We are going to. Everybody was so nice. Everyone really cares about you. It was kind of beautiful to see. That's very nice. But in Orlando... You didn't show up and I got to eat your Publix sub. I know. And you like my order? I liked it. I didn't think I would, but it didn't make sense to me when I was putting it in. And then when I took a bite, I was like, oh, fuck, this is good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
really at their core shower music oh yeah i could definitely see some pan flutes gently playing in the background as julie scrapes the barnacles off your underside with a big hook you know spraying you with the various i guess antibacterial foam we gotta get those orcas out of the thing in france yeah you mentioned it finally And yes, I have returned. Welcome to Side Stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's not because the bread's healthier. I like the five grain Italian bread because it tastes better. See, I've had, if you order just the wheat, it's a little dry. That's gross. But the five grain Italian, I wouldn't think to do that. Very good. Five grain Italian is also the key, too. It's like, I don't like the iceberg lettuce. I like a spinach. See, I always, I'm addicted to shredded iceberg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
I love shredded iceberg on everything. A thick iceberg, go fuck. But shredded iceberg, I love. I wouldn't imagine straying. I tried your spinach. I couldn't believe how much I liked it. I like it. He also gets it in there. He gets other little factors in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It's really, yeah, that was really, really good. Yes. I'm very impressed by your order. Thank you. And I ate it at three in the morning, and so it was perfect. Yes, good. I'm glad I- That's exactly how it did. And the whole time, I was like- This one's for Henry's dad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
But again, I don't really need all the listeners and I don't need all the fans and I don't need the families. I just need the truth about Jeffrey Epstein to really hold me. Yeah, so if you could, please send all of your Jeffrey Epstein theories to Henry's DMs and really flood that thing. I barely check it. Go to sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Please, anything Epstein related, I'm into it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Yeah, yeah, please keep him going. I'm a real Steen head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
Now, we have some updates, but before we get started, last puppy benefit on the left this Friday. Just come and check this out. Masonic Temple at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery this Friday, May 23rd from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. Play with puppies. Play with us. We're going to have a great time. I don't think we really even said that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
It has a full, it's not an open bar, it's an open pet puppy cocktail hour. So the puppies are coming for an hour to be petted. All right? And they have a hard out. Yeah, they got to get back to the river. They immediately back thrown in the river. The ones that you don't adopt. The ones that you don't adopt are going to be immediately destroyed. No, not immediately destroyed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Annabelle Rides Again
There's a basket that floats kind of well. We're going to put it in the river and see how it does. And that's the best part. Then they can be kind of afraid a little bit. Yeah, it's the L.A. River, so there might not even be water in it. So they might die of exposure. So what I would say is you've got to buy a ticket and you've got to come and you've got to adopt these dogs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And then on March 16th, they called the police and they said that there was a skeleton in our backyard treehouse. Cut to them talking about that there was a missing young man. Now, they said that their son, who went by the name of Henry Doyle Colin France, he was missing for four years, they said. So the police were like, what? What are you talking about? So he's here. This is his skeleton.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
They're identifying his skeleton now, right? Yeah. But there was no missing persons report filed by the family. had no idea that he was missing. The police had no idea that he was missing. The family kind of, we don't know this information yet. No one's really talking about how, so they were like, oh yeah, our brother's been missing for four years. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And I guess he's been in here with the old porno mags. Yeah, he's just been up in the treehouse decomposing. Yeah, hanging out with the robins and the sparrows, and they're picking his fucking flesh off his butt. Now, how clean was the skeleton? I guess it's not in the article. It sounds like he's been dead for the entire four years. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
It sounds like he went up to the treehouse and never came back. Now, it's one of those when I throw a temper tantrum and I go to my treehouse, that's when Natalie comes out with the broom, pumps it on. Sometimes she'll knock on the wall because I go, no, you don't let me do my boxcar race. You love that treehouse. I love my treehouse. I got my rifles up there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
You know, you get mad, but then you realize they were going to die. Yeah, absolutely. I saw John Goodman walking around at Disney World once. It looked strange. But at the same time, I'm glad he's healthy. Glad he's healthy. But this is the thing. That's why I'm bulking back up. Goodman's getting big again. I just don't think there's anything any of us can do about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I got my fucking... All my stuff's up there. All my favorite things. Your snortable drugs. My fleshlight. All my stuff. Where I'm me. Where I'm myself is in the treehouse. Free time. Yeah, where Henry can be me. Free in the trees. I'm not being observed. Except for, again, squirrels and my neighbors and the people in my scope. Now, we won't know what happened or his connection to it because...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
The secret died with him. Well, we're going to find out now. You think so? Well, they're going to find out if he had blunt force trauma, I guess. According to them, they're saying there's no sign, there's no obvious signs of injury or trauma. So it sounds like he died naturally up there, and I don't know if he just died of a broken heart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Do you think that little Debbie decided to not go with him to the junior prom? I'm actually not quite certain how. He was 28 when he went missing. Suicide by starvation? That's super long, buddy. It is, but, I mean, four years. I mean, we'll find out. We don't know when he died. What if he was super, super big and it took four years for him to starve? I don't think it took that long.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
How long does it take you to starve if you're really, really big? I'm going to go ahead and say two weeks. But only if you have water. No, but I think that, but I believe if you are like, if you're BMI, whatever, if that's bullshit or not, but I do believe. You do eat yourself a little bit. Yeah, I believe if you're a certain level of obese, you can actually live for a very long time without food.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
But you are unhealthy. Yeah. And like, you know, your blood sugar could drop. Yeah. And then you could die of that. Yeah. All right, what do we got here? All right, it says here. Now, this is on bigboy.com. This is on bigfatman.com. Bigfatmanquestions.org. If you simply stop feeding someone any food, they will die within 8 to 12 weeks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Hmm. Now, because your body cannot get 100% of what it needs from the stored fat, there are a lot of assorted proteins. Sure. But what about when they're really big? Your organs will start to fail. Yeah. At 8 to 12 weeks? Yeah, sometime around. I'm surprised you last that long, to be honest. That's what I'm saying. I feel like it's just, wait, you just, like, you can go solid two months.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I mean, in full disclosure, this is, this answer is on Quora. Right. So, this could be very wrong. No, Eddie, no. Only X. Experts are allowed to answer on Quora. Don't you understand? I want to go to WebMD. Yes. The really reliable source. The truly reliable source. But this guy, I mean, we don't even know if he was involved in this or not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
We don't know if he knew that his son was in a treehouse. Because if I had a treehouse and I'm in my 70s, I'm not going to the treehouse. Isn't it kind of interesting that this man who played all of these various police funerals, he himself seemed to be avoided?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
These same investigations. And I wonder if it's a matter on the inside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
You know, Kevin James is getting hard. Yeah? There's no reason for that. Is he getting, like... His penis?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
The bagpiper of Decatur was protected by the thin line of blue. Ooh, that is very possible. How about this? How about his son's like, if you don't stop playing those bagpipes, I ain't coming out of the treehouse. Well, if I ain't bagpiping, I ain't breathing. Yeah. That's the only way I can breathe is bagpiping. And he tried to hold out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And he bagpiped longer than he could stay alive without eating. But also, think about, maybe he died by bagpipe. And he was trying to say, I'm going to play the bagpipe until you come out of the treehouse. And he's just up there just dying. Two months, yeah. Humans die around two months. According to Wikipedia. Again, it's huge. Wikipedia says two months.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Not just anybody can just change all the data in there. And wasn't there one guy who claimed he lived off of sunlight? Oh, everybody. We've had their column. There's the, I believe it's, there's free energy. Dr. Plant. There's not airitarians. It's something like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
They do a thing where they believe that they can just get everything they want from the sun, but they always end up, it turns out, secretly eating. Yes. So this is a story we will find out. I don't think we will. I mean, I think this is it. Well, I think that they're going to dig in a little bit of how was the skeleton just sitting out? And you guys all had to stink, right? Not necessarily.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
He can't. No, he can't. No, no, no. I'm talking about... No, I thought he couldn't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Like if he died quickly, depends on how what season he died in. If he died in winter? If he died in the winter, you probably might not have smelled anything. I'm surprised bears didn't get to him. Again, maybe it's hard for bears to get in the neighborhood because they're all in East Atlanta at Mary's. Oh, yeah. The bearborhood. Yes. Probably bugs then. Maybe. He was eating my bugs.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
No, no, no. I'm talking about just his body. He's trying to... Look at him. Kevin James is getting all tight and hard. Oh, it looks bad. Yes. I don't like it. I don't... But at the same time, I guess I am rooting for them, but I just want to say... I'm not rooting for Kevin James. Oh, you like Kevin James. I'm fine with them. I love the one bit. You like the Queens show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Or I think that something fishy is happening and they are about to discover it. The fact that there was no missing persons report means something. That is why. Maybe he's like, I'm leaving and I ain't ever coming back. And they thought he went to Florida, but he really just went to the treehouse. Maybe they're a little bit of being like, Henry III thinks he's gone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
He's just sitting in the treehouse. They just don't even know that he's dead there. You know what I mean? Like, he's just up there in his treehouse. Love and life. He must be super busy. No one's taking the cereal anymore. He didn't answer my text. So I don't know, but we will find out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
The pipe band, though, they are mourning the loss of the bagpiper of Decatur for now until we find out if he was a serial killer. Who's going to play his funeral? Oh, shit. It's going to have to be that horrible, horrible Johnny Cymbals. I hate that guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
All right, well, we have, speaking of police funerals, we're losing a cop in North Bergen County, New Jersey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, this story is one of those where, you know, if you took out all the people doing it and you took out the area where it was being done and you put it in a movie. If it was a goofball comedy, this guy's hilarious. This is a Will Ferrell vehicle. Yeah.
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This is the funniest scene you've heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's real life. Yeah, and it was, it was a, I believe he was a chief, a police chief. Oh, chief of police. Now, New Jersey police chief is being accused, five of his officers, of turning the, I believe it is the North Bergen Police Department into a so-called animal house filled with pranks.
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Defecating on the floors, spiking the office coffee pot with Adderall and Viagra, and then he jabbed an officer in the penis with a hypodermic needle. Now, I'm going to go ahead and say none of those are pranks. No. Those are all like random assaults.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
He would go, he'd send sex toys and gay pride flags to cops, and then he would shift them the night shift if he doesn't like them to the people underneath him. Now, this really seems to, it kind of apparently went out of control, Eddie. Yes, Chief Farley.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
His name is... Chief Robert Farley. Now, there is a picture here that we're looking at that says Chief Farley's defecation, which was there was shit shat onto a series of paper towels in the toilet. Next to the toilet. Next to the toilet so that when they walked in the dark, they would specifically step on it.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Well, I love King of Queens, and I also unironically like the one bit that he did in his old stand-up special. I've never seen any of it. He talks about how his main bit was that I just want to lose enough weight so that my tits stop jiggling when I brush my teeth. That is the best thing that he's ever said. That is a good bit.
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And he wouldn't let them clean it up because he said he wanted the maid to do it or the cleaners to come and do it. He wanted them to do it specifically. Now, they're saying here he is really doing these so-called practical jokes for, I guess, for a couple of years now. And they're finally suing him. It's taken a long time to sue this man. And it is just this picture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
They have pictures of here, I guess, like in a funny little thing of him shaving his arm onto a bunch of paperwork of another fat officer, which is, again, funny. And it's not the other officer's fault. He's fat. He lives in North Bergen, New Jersey. That's what you have to be. Yes. No, no, no. Actually, there's a scale at the front, a county line.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
There's a scale that you have to step upon in order to even be able to purchase a home in North Bergen. Now, these guys are, again, they think it's real funny. They do a thing where they shaved. That's sort of funny. He microwaved a bunch of hot sauce and then it turned like radioactive somehow.
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And then it stunk up the entire, everyone had to leave the police station because they thought it was actually sprayed by pepper spray. I think that if you did cook it in that way, it would turn into something like a pepper spray. He also put a ghost pepper on a hamburger that he fed to a one year old. Funny prank. What a funny guy. That's the chief of police.
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One-year-olds aren't even supposed to eat hamburgers. They're just not even in play. They're not in play for pranks. They don't understand pranks. You can't get one over on an infant. They can't speak. So I do like this one. This one I don't understand. He called it a quote-unquote prank. He said he was being chased around the office by Farley.
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He cornered me in a filing area with no further room for retreat. He then stuck a hypodermic needle through my jeans into the tip of my penis. Now, I don't know. I haven't seen that. I know Impractical Jokers is getting a lot of heat recently for the stuff that they've pulled off off-camera, but I've never seen anything like this. But, all right. You have to let somebody do that.
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You can't get chased around and then a needle go through your jeans. Yeah, you can. Jeans are thick. No, you can do it. He's jabbing at him with a hypothermic needle. It's through his dick? Yes. His penis is at the front of the penis. I think that this one, he was either being held down by other cops. That's possible. Or he let him do it.
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I just think you don't understand how thick your gut is to hide your penis. I don't think, like, with a hypodermic needle. Oh, I could stab your dick with a hypodermic needle. If I let you. If I'm moving around, I think you'd get my thigh, or you'd get my something else. I feel like he accidentally got the penis. Yeah, he got the penis. Yes, I'm not saying he was trying to aim for the penis.
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But that's why here, guys, I know a lot of you have been wondering where's your representation, and I'm coming back with it. Yeah, yeah, my tits are always slopping around. My tits are so sloppy, some people just straight up call me Rue McClanahan. She had great tits.
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Oh, he definitely was aiming for the penis. Yes, but then he accidentally got the penis. Yeah, I think the chances of him getting a wiggling man's penis with a hypodermic needle through jeans...
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sidestoreslpotl at gmail.com how would you get a moving man with a hypodermic needle in the penis how would you do it with your foolproof way of doing it I think with the jeans would help snap the needle off without it ever touching your penis no it's not through the zipper my penis hides behind my zipper I think it's because Eddie I'm going to mean this in the nicest way possible I think that you and I have what you'd call we're growers
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And I think that some people have more. I think some men have more than this. And I think that the penis then can cover more hittable area. Well, here's the other thing that the people are saying about the whole situation is that they don't think the cops who are making the reports, they think they're just doing it because he cut their overtime. Well, it's... That's... Sure.
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Probably the final straw. I don't. I think that it's all fun and games until you realize that he's also fucking with us. So I think that's the problem is that they're all like they are suing him because he is just kind of they're talking to about him fucking with the schedules. But it did sound like, yes, they were all laughing along. When you're chief of the police.
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One of his pranks is just a bunch of broken glass on someone's desk. Yeah, he threw a plaque at them. And he was just like, they laugh. Laugh, you fucking pigs. Like my intro. But this, you know what it is, Eddie, is that the problem truly is that he's chief of police. And I bet you do have to laugh along.
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While you are trying to act as if everything's normal.
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And then it finally gets to a point where maybe now we can maybe stop this. But it does seem that he did turn it into his own playground.
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Yeah. No, he's definitely a monster and he needs to be gone. But, again, what's one of my favorite movies? Super Troopers. So I do understand that cop-based shenanigans are funny to me, but only when they don't have real guns. Yes. That's it. This guy, I mean, who knows what his kill count is? I mean, God knows what he then does in his regular life. Yeah. But cops play pranks. It's what they do.
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But if you took Rue McClanahan and you threw her down a slip and slide, you don't mean to tell me she's not going to be all sloppy and gunky? She was actually, she had surprisingly tight, small breasts. Welcome to Side Stories. You're here with your host, Henry Zebrowski, and I'm sitting here with Ed Larson, Rue McClanahan fan. I love her.
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But pranks... should also be funny if you can help it. Well, I think goodbye to this man. He's not going to be working. I think he's going to be fired. No, I don't think he can get any job after this. No. Not even like a Toys R Us. Unless, again, Joe Gatto is gone. Soon to be Mer's gone. I'm seeing a spot on Impractical Jokers for this guy.
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There's another prank in the news that I'm interested in. I don't know if it's a prank. Maybe it's not. But the article says it's a lot of pee. It's a lot of pee. Yeah. A man has no idea who is putting gallons of urine in his recycling bin. We don't. Or why? You see, we don't have a choice, guys. The amount of emails that were sent about this story ranged in the several dozen. Okay.
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Now, this is our burden. People a lot of times ask like side stories. Is it just about people living quantities of things in places that they aren't normally? Yes. Yeah, it's a big part of it.
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It has become such a large part of our show, and I don't know why, because it just keeps happening. Now, this story is then sort of interesting, because you're talking about, like, this is six gallon jugs of hot piss. I'm counting eight. Yes. He put it in his recycling bin. Now, it went to get picked up by the recycling guy, and the guy stopped it. because he said that this is a biohazard. Yeah.
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PP can't go in the garbage machine. Yeah, or especially the recycling machine. I did not know that PP can't go in any of these machines. You can put PP in the garbage. But also, can you? Yeah, sure, why not? So you mean to tell me if he just put this in the other... I think the problem is that it's a recycling. No, I think the problem is that it's a biohazard.
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They don't like you putting pee-pee in the garbage. I think everybody... Well, they don't like lots of things, but it doesn't mean I ain't doing it. How do you say this? I think that if you're throwing out gallons of piss and you have that wherewithal to save them in big, giant gallon jugs, I'd say dump them in the sewer or... They want you to hide it, Eddie. They're like, lie to me.
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This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. No, actually, I quit. I'm out. I'm out of the comedy business.
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That's what they're saying. They're like, don't just like, yeah, piss all over the garbage. You're going to piss all over the garbage. That's something else. That's different. I can't see it. I don't think that you should. I think you should give more respect to our sanitation workers. Oh, for sure. Because of how hard they work. And you shouldn't be pissing all over these things.
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But I feel that this is not how you do this. What I don't truly understand is... Why save it? Pee goes into the ground so easily. Not for this guy. It sops into the street. It sops into the grass. This guy wants to see the best and he likes having it. Since Rambo's been gone, I've been peeing outside in solidarity. Just for him. Just for him.
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Also so Tootsie knows that there's pee outside and she should go to the bathroom. Yeah. You know, but this guy, I'm not putting in jugs and saving it. No, you shouldn't be.
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If you were putting in jugs and saving it, I would call the mental hospital. I'd call, I'd get you Baker Acton. Exactly. That's what I'm talking about. Why save it? I don't know. All right. In a non-medical setting, according to Google AI, if a jug of urine doesn't contain visible blood, it could be safely disposed of by pouring the urine into a toilet or sink. Just say toilet. Yeah.
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Actually, I've been watching Golden Girls lately, and it's all jokes. It's very funny. It's a great show. It is a phenomenal show. It's a fantastic show. It really is legitimately very funny. But this is where I want to bring up something very serious, that you lost your dog. My dog's dead. Now, I'm so sorry, but I wish that there was a way to do it.
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Don't say sink. Don't give people the idea. What do you mean if it doesn't contain visible blood that it's fine? What does that even mean? You can put that in the toilet. Yeah. If you have a jug of bloody urine, though... I think you got a lot more problems than storage space. Do you think a bloody jug of urine, is it orange or does it have like red like mixed in like floating around?
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I kind of see the red mixed in floating around kind of like, you know, those old ice cream cups? Yes. Those are delicious. I used to miss that. I miss those.
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You know exactly what I'm talking about, right?
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With the little cherry syrup on the side.
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That's the blood. That's the blood. That's the bladder blood. Now, do you think this is one person or do you think there's a team of people? Because this is a lot of pee. Yeah. I believe that it might be, ah, it seems like it's a lot of pee from one person that has saved it over a long period of time. Okay.
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Now I pee, like, you know, I take blood thinners and I piss like a motherfucking racehorse all night. Hell yeah. I piss and piss and piss and piss. I'm sometimes shocked at the volume of piss that comes out of me. I got a lot of pee pee too. And so I think that may be good. What's funny is that the guy also goes, he was caught on ring cam. Oh, the guy who did it.
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They have set up now several camping cams to try to catch him. This is a whole thing. So he's done this more than once. Yes. I think that the guy it's happened now so many times that he had to start pulling his bins in. Right. Because he was sick of them going in there. And the guy just started dumping them in his neighbor's bins.
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And then he decided to say, oh, I'm going to reposition the bins so they are more able to be caught on camera.
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And then when he did that, the guy moved the bins again because he decided that he knew he was being caught on camera. He showed up masked in a hoodie dropping off the piss. Now, I think that this is a revenge scheme. I think that this man has pissed off somebody. Obviously. Could this man be the culprit himself? Do you think the piss is coming from inside the house? Yes. I don't know.
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I don't know if it actually... Take it back. Not yes. I don't know. I... Don't know. I think that this is somebody that knows this person. This is some form of revenge. This is a revenge for something that this person has done and we don't know what it is. I don't know if it's a piss-based crime. I don't know if it's a fart or poop-based crime.
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I don't know whether or not it's because he had sex with his wife or he had sex with his daughter. But the only thing I will say is that this P, vengeance. We need to think about this. Because, you know, I even say eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Piss for a piss makes everything absolutely covered in piss. And that's not a bad thing. Yes, it is. But depending on what you like.
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The PP, Pasadena PP man, whatever happened to him? Did they catch him?
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He just kind of, he got caught, got, again, too much heat. Too much heat. Too much heat. Too much heat. This could be a copycat piss bandit. Honestly, I'm going to put this more so. Unfortunately, I'm going to put this in parallel thinking. I don't think that this is a Carlos Mencia thing. I think that this is somebody that I think everybody's just thinking about piss.
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If we found, are there nudes of Rue McClanahan we can show here? Eddie.
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Do you know that when I was on probation, my probation officer told me that I had the hottest piss of anyone on probation. That's flirting. It was. It does seem kind of flirty. That's flirty. I told him. Hot piss. Yeah. Long dick. And you're like, no, sir. Actually, no, maybe I'm wrong. It turned out it should be the opposite because then it's the less time the piss can cool on the deck. Yeah.
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The shorter your penis, the hotter your piss. Oh, yeah. So maybe I was hurting by making my urine so hot. No. Yeah. Sorry. Next time I'll bring it in at 185. You ever do that thing when you go to Starbucks, you see a coffee and they go like extra hot. Yeah, how do you do that? I don't know. They're horrible. People who do that are maniacs.
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Do you know that if you microwave a coffee cup from Starbucks, you're putting microplastics into it because the coffee cups are actually lined in plastic? Oh, of course. That's why I do it. Oh, okay, good. I do it just to get closer to my laptop. Now, that is, yes, that was one pee-pee-based story. We have one poo-poo-based story because they come together.
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Wow, that's the closest we got right now. There are a couple Rue McClanahan nudes, I think. If we could just show Eddie just one nude picture of Rue McClanahan so that he can have the emotional strength to get through this episode. Wow, she looks great in that picture, Rob. That's kind of doing it for me. Yeah. All right. All right. This is enough.
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And so, unfortunately, we're just going to leave that at that. That mystery, it's not going to get fucking solved. Also, very surprised that garbage men look inside the can before they take. You never got a ticket? No. In my old apartment. Again, this is in Portland, which makes sense. I believe the other one was in Pasadena, P-Towns. Both have to pee! Yeah.
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Both towns start with the letter P. Oh, yeah. Watch out, Pittsburgh. And Poughkeepsie. Watch out, Punxsutawney. Oh, my God. They're coming. Piss is coming to you, Palermo. We got to be careful. But no, it's not going to get cut. So you guys... Yeah. So many of you get so angry when we go into the poo poo pee pee territory sometimes. But again, this is our burden. We don't have a choice.
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This is what we are paid to report. This is the news. If you don't understand how important it is for us to say, because if you don't get this information from us, you're going to get it from somebody who's going to get it wrong. Yeah. And I think it's important for you to get it from us. Yeah. And like, what do you want us to talk about the government? No. No.
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You don't really want us to talk about the government. No, we talk about piss and poop here. No, but sometimes we do talk about the government, but largely... But only when they commit crimes. Yeah. Bad crimes. Big crimes. Better crimes. Interesting crimes. Interesting crimes. Not boring, important crimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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yeah yep i'm out you're in the podcast business no what are you in mostly i'm in the getting women adjusted to this body business my goal is for men across this entire country and women transitioning to men to provide a base disgust level that will allow people to sort of like you know you look upon me you look upon this body yeah you you look at my body you say like wow how does that guy do anything
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Now, this story is really just about a man's ability, and what I call this is the first human squid I've heard of. A man by the name of Deepak. He's a 27-year-old phone thief from Delhi, India. Apparently. Now, I want to say he's bringing it back to old Delhi with this activity. According to Delhi police spokesperson Deepak, he evaded arrest multiple times by doing what he can only do.
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I guess it's his superpower. He can shit his pants on command. Now, he said that not only could he shit his pants on his command, but the poo-poo is so offensive and so effective that the police have abandoned their arrest efforts several times and have just let him go. And so he's done this several times. He's able to shit himself... On a moment's notice. Yes. And that is incredible.
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It's very impressive. Much as we all do. Much as the octopus camouflages itself from hunters. Much as the chameleon camouflages itself from hunters. And this is squid. This is squid activity. He's squidding himself. Yeah. And then he just gets to be scot-free. But not his pants. His pants... They're covered in smeared old dookie.
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He was doing this for a while, and then the cops who arrested him came prepared with masks and gloves. They were like, all right, we're getting this fucker today. We know, all right, we're getting covered in shit. This is what we're doing. Now, I want to know in that place, how Eddie was bringing this up. Maybe this is a good place to talk about just sort of the nature of this.
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Where, in my mind, just being in... In India in general, right? I've seen these videos, right? I watch all the street food videos. They're all part of things that get sent to me. My thing is that if you can control the flow of diarrhea in India, you might as well be Magneto. It's very impressive. Because the flooding river of diarrhea that must... Has there been a solid poo-poo in India?
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That's a golden woman. Now, all right. I regret that we did this. You know what? If you really wanted to make me feel better, you know, Sunday the Black Lab? Yeah. If we could shave her and I could see her nude, because that's who Rambo really got into. He was all about Sunday.
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It's possible. Ever. I don't know. Maybe the guy who only ate sunlight. Yes, he'd probably do some pellets. Yeah, yeah, he'd probably have some pellets. Now, I just want to know, is this inappropriate to joke about? Because we want to know, it's like, yes, when we eat Indian food in America... It affects my belly. Well, it's all butter and hot sauce. Yeah. I mean, I don't have a chance.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they'll tell you. It doesn't stick in me well. No. It fucking, man, blasts out of me. Yeah, it tastes very good. It's like I didn't eat it. It's very delicious. It's like I just bought Indian food and threw it in the toilet bowl.
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So my question is, is that do we all have this reaction? Well, I do find that when I pay a little more and I go to a nicer spot, the shits are better. Buddy, you remember we went to we had that nice dinner with Marcus. We went to a fancy Indian place. It was very fancy. And it was a thing. I've never been because I like a mom and pop Indian place way more than I like a fancy Indian place.
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And when we went in there. Yeah. Dude, I might as well have ate at fucking old Jabbar's chutney spot. I blew out my fucking asshole. Marcus loves Indian food. He loves Indian food. For the man who's got the thinnest pipes of all of us. Well, he does have a bloody ass sometimes. I know, but that's because he's British. It's all the British blood. British people love Indian food.
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I know, but you don't think it blows out their assholes? Do you remember how good the Indian food was outside of Snowtown in that gas station? Dude, that was exceptional.
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That blew our mind. That was really nuts. That was really crazy, but I've had very good food. But maybe that's inappropriate, but I don't know. Sidestories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Does it affect us all like this? Is it gmail.com or gmail.com? Gmail.com. If you could, because again, I just wonder if... Is Imodium the only thing they need? If we pumped Imodium into the water, would that change things?
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Give it a shot. I don't know. I guess some people get diarrhea from anything. I'm always so surprised how small an Imodium is and how much work it can do. The key is, that's why, you know, my best way to take it. Nasally. Oh, nasally. You rail it, you bump it. You gotta snort that shit. You gotta snort that shit. Especially when you're on the... A little key bump of Imodium? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
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He would always make me go to her Instagram page and he'd be like, yo, Eddie, I got to lick my dickie when I look at Sunday the Black Lab. You helped Rambo masturbate? I helped Rambo masturbate all the time. And this is her. She's still around Sunday, Miss Sunday. She was retired for a little bit, but she's still around. This is her in the bath. Oh, Rambo would have loved this.
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Now, this next story I want to cover real quick because this is one of my favorite stories in the type of stories that we cover, which is a story that makes you think and understand that your most paranoid, horrible, scared thoughts could be real. Okay.
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It's one of my favorite things because it's important to remember sometimes horror enters your life and it's kind of fun in a way if you're detached enough with Zoloft and Weed. Now, this is a great... That's where you gotta get to. Now, this is a great story. A babysitter checks under a child's bed for Monster, and what she finds... Is one.
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Now, this is, they all say here, I love all of these, all the openings to the articles about the story, they're like, monsters under your bed aren't real. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, we know. We fucking know. But it wasn't a monster, it was just a man. Yeah, it was just a man looking to rape and murder.
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That's 324 months. So, yeah, Martin Villalobos Jr., he was found underneath a child's bed inside of... Now, this is in Topeka, Kansas, known for another favorite bedroom time snooper, Mr. Dennis Rader. Oh, this is a guy that like this could be a copycat. Well, it started off as one. Now, this is one of those things as a babysitter. This is a good prompt for an email.
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This is an actual good prompt for me. Email side stories. LPOTL at gmail.com. Do you have a scary story as a babysitter with kids? Because kids on the whole are just kind of frightening. Now, the idea of you're a babysitter. You don't give a fucking shit. You're probably stealing whiskey. You know what I mean? Ordering pornos on the DV there. I don't know.
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Having boys come over and rail you on the couch. Oh, and the other guys are watching you and the basketball coaches, they're watching them rail you and everybody's putting money on you. Smoking in the kitchen. All that stuff. I know how babysitters are. I've seen all the movies. I've seen the documentaries. Fucking breaking the garbage disposal. That's all you do. Right.
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And so you're there enjoying your babysitter time. And then the little kid comes downstairs and says, there's a monster under my bed. And your job is to be the bravest person in the house, even though you're 20 years old and you have to go up there and you check under the bed. And normally it's nothing. But then you find some this fucking guy. there, right? Which shows that the kids were correct.
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Which is, again, also horrible because his kid's going to be destroyed. But he ran away and he didn't do anything. No, but it seems that his relationship to the children, we don't know yet. We do believe that he was having some issue and At the house.
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He said, according to him, according to Martin Villalobos Jr., he used to live at the house, but a protection from abuse order was issued against him, which said that he was not supposed to be on the property. And so he was obviously had some problem with somebody else in the house. We don't really know what his relation was to everybody else. So he was there to do something fucked up.
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And then when he was discovered, you don't think he just missed the house? I think that if you miss the house, didn't you want to sit in the living room? It's true. You don't really need to be underneath a child's bed sleeping. No. Maybe it was the shoes sticking out from the bottom of the bed. I think that's what's hardest. She thought at first maybe the bed had fallen and it had crushed a witch.
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Look at her just licking up that bath water. This is supposed to be a touching moment. I was really hoping that we were going to cut to Sarah McLachlan track. You can play Sarah. No, we can't anymore. It's all copyrighted. Our sadness has to be purchased, Eddie. But yes, I, um, yeah, no Rambo died this week.
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No, no, no. It's a man here to kill us all. Like, he's just here to fucking suck. Yeah. And fucking suck. Yeah, no, he definitely looks dangerous and scary. Yep. He looks tired. He's got the bags under the eyes, which look like, you know, I'm about to commit a crime eyes. You know, I'd say, you know. Yes. I'm about to commit a crime. Yeah.
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But they charged him with aggravated kidnapping, aggravated burglary, aggravated battery, child endangerment, felony obstruction of the law enforcement. You're pretty upset with a violation of protection from abuse order. He's being held on five hundred thousand dollar bond.
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You know, and he deserves it, and we're going to, I guess, we'll probably not come back to the story because it seems to be pretty cut and dry. You just don't do that. Yeah, no, no, no, don't do that. If you want to see your kids, you do it the way the court wants you to do it with the judge there. Yeah. All right?
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There was an altercation, and then one of the children was knocked over by Villalobos when he fled the scene. So he didn't, like, I guess he was about to do something horrible. Yes. But he didn't get to do it. Yes. Thank God. I mean, for us, it's kind of sad because it's less story for us to cover. But for the kid, it's great. Yeah, for the kid, it's great. And you know what? We covered it anyway.
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You know what? That's what's nice. We got stuff out of it. That's good about us. We didn't have to wait for someone to die. The child didn't need to get caught up into confetti for us to make a bunch of great, sick jokes about this. Yeah, so we still covered it. And that shows growth on our part.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
But also next time, if we're going to do something like that, knock them out so that we have more to talk about. Well, I have a story that I really want to make sure we get to today. Yeah. And this is like, it falls right in our wheelhouse. I don't know if you read the whole article or not, but it really fucking, this whole thing blows my mind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I kind of knew that this was happening, but I didn't realize it was happening quite like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
this i got this from the washington post um which i know is behind a paywall and if you ever wanted to read a washington post article go to archive.ph and then slap the link of the article in there and you can read whatever you want you don't have to pay for the washington post because fuck jeff bezos and the washington post um but this article was great um it's about An orca gang. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
This is like another like behavioral thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Right. But this is different than because the boat thing with the yachts, that's cool. Yeah. You know, like, but that's like a fun thing that orcas are just doing to like occupy their time. This is like a straight up murderous gang. An orca gang is hunting great white sharks off the coast of South Africa. Yeah. See, this is like, for me, unfortunately, this is like rooting for the Zizians.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
We had to let him go. It was very sudden and he's such a good boy and I love him. I'm wearing his handkerchief. You did a good job. I did. I did. He's a good boy. He, he mixed it up. He had a great life. He did. He mixed it up. He had a lot of celebrity pool parties. He did. Yes. You know, he, uh, he, he met him hobnob to the best of his ability.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
You know what I mean? Where like, I like great white sharks. I love great white sharks. You know, the idea that I'm ganging up on the great white sharks just to eat their livers and then discard them makes me really sad. I agree. It is very sad, but I find it fascinating more than I'm rooting for anybody. Sure, I get it. All right. So the orcas, it's a pair of orcas, males.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Their names are Port and Starboard because their fins bend in opposite directions. That's cute. The Great Whites, they have been apex predators in the waters outside of Cape Town for what must be hundreds of years. Yes. Are now being hunted in mass by these two orcas. Yes.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Seven gill sharks and great white corpses have been mysteriously washing to shore over the past decade with almost surgical cuts on their bellies and their livers removed. Well, the livers, when they eat, a lot of animals, including us, humans as well, like what they talk about when you do, when you're hunting in the wild, I learned all this from Malone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
The only thing I know this from is that the liver is extremely nutritious. Yes. It's nutritious, dense. And then when you normally when you are in the wild and you kill a wild animal, that is the first thing that you eat. Yes. Because it goes bad and you get so much from it. It's powerful. That's why we love liverware sandwiches. I love liverware sandwiches.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Anything that turns food into a paste, I like. See, I think you're more like these orcas than you think. I'm not saying I'm not. I'm just saying I'm denying the part of me I find problematic. At first, they thought it was humans because humans use shark liver as bait when they're going shark fishing. Which is sad. Which is very sad. It was extremely unusual for orcas to hunt this close to shore.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
They usually hunt in deeper water. But they're thinking that the reason they're doing this, not only because they develop a taste problem, Great white shark liver. But because the overfishing in South Africa has taken less fish in the deeper water and has pushed them closer to shore. Jesus Christ. Now, when the two, they attack, they usually do it together. They rake the sides of the predators.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And if you remember from the SeaWorld episode, raking is when they scratch their teeth across the side of them. Yeah. Because they'll find like, it looks like you got scratched with a rake. Yeah. And it scratches the side and they bite their fins and then ram their bellies and slice open their stomachs, removing the liver and discarding the rest of the corpse. They don't eat anything else.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
They just eat the livers. Now, I know what you're saying. That's not that big. It's just a liver. I bet you it's huge. It's one third the size of a great white shark. Yes, they know that it's in there and they like it. And it's the thing that is literally giving them a great deal of nutrients. And I bet it's the thing that's causing them to thrive too. So they like it. Yeah.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
This has been witnessed by humans several times now. Port and Starboard had even shown the livers that they have retrieved from great whites to humans on boats, almost like they're showing off or bragging about their kills. That's crazy. I find it interesting because they really do, because you know what it is? These animals, they're so... They're community animals.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I let him, uh, I let him only, I let him attack one skateboarder. Cool. That's nice. Also, if you want to pay tribute to Rambo... Attack a skateboarder. Well, I've just been barking at him. Yeah. And it's... Do you be surprised how good it makes you feel? Oh, no. I'm not surprised. I'm serious. Try it. It should be illegal.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
So they actually even look, I bet you, we are just like part of that. If they're not actively hunting us to eat us, it's like we're part of the crowd. No, they like us. Yes. Especially in the wild. They think we're fun. They think we're their boys and shit. And, you know, I would like to be. You would.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
But marine biologist Allison Towner said they can handle a great white shark and shuck it like a muscle. Just tear it open and slide out the liver and discard the rest. Oh, wow. Well, we'll see how this continues. Like, I feel like this is going to be one of those things where at some point it will be like, we'd have to probably do something to stop it if they keep killing.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
There's no way to stop it unless you kill these whales. And I don't think they're going to do that. Listen, electrocute. The ocean. The ocean, yes. So this happens so often that the great whites have not even been in these waters as much as they have been before. And it's a sure sign of overpopulation on Seal Island. You know Seal Island? Oh, yeah.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Yeah, right off the case of it's got its name because it's covered in seals. Yeah. But Seal Island has become overpopulated because all the great whites have left. And now they don't know what to do with all these extra seals. Right. I guess we electrocute the oceans.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Electrocute the oceans. What we need is throw other things that seals can eat in there than things that eat the seals. So what we need to do is anacondas mixed with... Anacondas. Chihuahuas. Anaconda chihuahuas? No. That's just a normal snake. No, I'm saying throw chihuahuas in the water for the seals. You get buckets of chihuahuas to drop them in the water to chum up for the seals.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And then we get the anacondas to eat the seals. Then we get men to hunt the anacondas. This is a bad idea. Have you ever seen Air Jaws? Yes. Yeah, so the air jaws takes place in the same area. Yes, I remember air jaws. This is the one part of the world where great white sharks regularly breach because they're attacking the seals from underneath.
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It's one of the coolest documentaries that we ever saw. I remember that. This is becoming a thing of the past because this is where they do it. They breach occasionally in other parts of the world, but this is the part of the world where they breach all the time. So we are not going to see great white shark breaches anymore because they're being chased out of this area by this orca gang.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
So we need to bring machine guns down there and we need to kill the orcas and have the great whites go. Yeah. I feel like that. I know that sounds really simple, but it is. And it's that easy. Right. Like, I don't think it's going to have that big of an effect. If we just rake the ocean with automatic weapon fire. There are people who would probably be on your side because. Yes, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Great white shark tourism is a major industry in False Bay, which is next to Cape Town. And they are not showing up anymore. And so now the great white shark tourism industry is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
is starting to suffer that's when it really that's what this that's what these orcas don't understand once you start fucking with these guys bottom line then it's gonna start because they're gonna figure out how to make orca burgers and orca fries and orcas stew it's gonna you better be careful orcas it's too much mercury you can't eat orcas at all oh no you get sick you and then if a child eats it they'll get like big heads and stuff it's real bad
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
In 2016, when this is all starting, they found 27 gill corpses, 7 gill shark. They found 20 of them and they were like, okay. They assume there's a lot more because shark corpses usually don't wash to shore. They usually sink, especially when they got a big hole in their belly. In 2017, they found their first great white body that was missing a liver about 35 miles from False Bay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And then four more were found in the coming months. So they can only assume that the bottom of the ocean there is just littered with fucking great white corpses. Man, those fucking starfish and shit are eating good. Yes. Oh, absolutely. That's who's eating good. They're loving it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
That's going to be the fun. They start coming on shore, and they're fucking the size of goddamn buildings. Well, hopefully they'll start about the size of probably a golden retriever or something, and then that will be the other animal that we'll eat. We'll figure out how to have starfish burgers and starfish roast and starfish soup and starfish nuggets. And chocolate starfish. That's my favorite.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
well you ever been eating ass and you think hey where's my salt and pepper but yeah so um we got some we got some uh true murdering orcas we really did sorry i stole a bit from that was me becoming earthquake yes I don't even know if everybody knows Earthquake. I love Earthquake. He's honestly the only reason to stay on Twitter is to read Earthquake's Twitter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
There's literally no reason to stay on Twitter. Honestly, if you want to do Goodbye Earthquake, rent his comedy special. It's really good. Yes, it's fantastic. Grilled starfish. That looks rough. I'd eat it. Rob's showing pictures of grilled starfish. What does it say that it tastes like?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I'm not ready. I think it needs to be braised. I don't think this is a fresh catch grill. I think that this needs to be, I'm saying right now, side stories also, chefs out there, has anybody eaten starfish? Side stories, lpotl at gmail.com. Am I wrong in saying I believe the best way to eat it is in nugget form? I'm sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Because you've got to get all the barnacles and stuff off, whatever the spikes, you've got to get those off. I have no idea what's inedible. I think you cut out, it's teeth you cut out, but it's like, does it have tits? I don't think they have tits. Can you milk a starfish? Let us know. That story's lpltl at gmail.com. I'll milk my fucking, show you my fucking starfish.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
The last thing I will say is 70% of all sharks are under threat from overfishing. Climate change has altered the swimming routes of many fish, and underwater nets to protect swimmers on beaches have also claimed the lives of many sharks. Yes. So now... The orcas are finishing the job. Hey, so this is, we're going to see how this all leads. Definitely not to total calamity. There's no way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Yeah, one time he actually did chase down a skateboarder and knock them off of their skateboard. And I was like, holy shit, Rambo's going to attack this thing. This kid, I'm going to have to put him to sleep. The kid? Oh, yeah, the kid, because he touched my dog. But Rambo didn't bite. He just wanted him to stop skateboarding. See, that's it. That's all it is. That's all it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Also, I was being satirical about shooting the orcas. Oh, yeah. No, I know that. But unfortunately, people don't. And I was going to say it. I realized I was having a good time talking about how fun it would be and imagining shooting the ocean and zapping the ocean and doing all that kind of stuff because that's fun for me. Yes. But you just never know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
You know, Jacques Cousteau used to bomb the ocean. Yes. He would throw dynamite into the ocean and kill large amounts of fish. And that was before we knew that was bad. I know it seems weird to say that we didn't know that was bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
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He was just like, I tried to make... a wonderful experience yeah the magic in a mystery of the water go down and the best part is you are down in the bottom of the water and you see the little crab you see the angular fish and the first thought you have is what if i could make them explode thank god i brought my dynamite you think you ever brewed mcclenahan
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
You think Jacques Cousteau? Maybe. If she was anywhere near that fucking sub. He definitely shot that harpoon into that screaming gulch. Honestly, you were McClanahan's lovely, and that is one picture of her tit. Great work. We don't know if that's her tit. That is a black and white tit on its own.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Oh, wait a second. I believe that's actually the corpse of Marilyn Monroe. Well, let us just move on. We have some listener emails. All right. Now, someone says here, I just wanted to talk about last week, Saran Wrap. Okay. And Dom's accidentally killing people in Breathplay. Now, what I liked was this. This was an immediate response that I was like, exactly.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
This is exactly what I wanted to hear, which is, at first, remember we were talking about
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
like maybe she didn't know what to do she panicked he died it was clearly an accident it was an accident but why is she then going through all of this like what's the crime essentially about this straight up there is just straight there is like literally within character a way to do this in which according to one former dom i worked in a dungeon with a collection of mostly other pro doms
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Some pro subs, you know, people. And there was many people who had the fantasy being wrapped up in saran wrap, right? It's very, very common. Plastic wrap, please. We don't want to get sued by the saran company. No, honestly, they love it because it actually boosts sales. So... They're like, people get interested.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And so they said here, like, we said we had to use these industrial warehouse Saran Wrap devices to wrap guys all the time. This is what they wanted. At least a couple of times a week, someone would come in wanting to be wrapped in Saran Wrap. See, first of all, it's super common, yes. Second of all, the lady, this poor girl, is too dumb to function as a pro-dom, according to this dom.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Because I could tell he had a skateboarding accident when he was younger. He did. He did. His tail had like two skateboard marks. Oh, I thought he was trying to do the 1080. No. It is hard on a lab mix to do the 1080. They get so scared once they come down the ramp. Can I tell one Rambo story before we have a normal show? Of course.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I feel like a natural selection just took her out because, yeah, they all want stupid shit that can't actually happen in reality. And it's your job as the professional and as the dominant to make boundaries and say, no, you dumbass. I'm not going to kill you. Don't be an idiot. I need to walk you out of here alive. And guess what you've done then? Not only have you...
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saved your life, saved this person's life, but you've also made them re-horny by yelling at them. Repeat customers are best. You want to milk them. You don't want to one and done here. Absolutely. So according to this dom, okay, so I'm not going to literally cover your mouth and nose until you can't breathe.
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Now I would cover the bottom half of your face and then just the top half of your face so they felt very tight and compressed. Honestly, I think most of them just didn't get enough hugs as children and they want to be swaddled but in a dangerous way. But this is coming from a professional, though. The lady who did this, she had never done BDSM before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
But it's also important why conversations about this type of play need to be slightly more normalized. Because it's so common, we have to kind of break out of this idea that it's a fringe world. It's actually really not. It's huge. So there needs to be, in those worlds, more open conversation about how you do these things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Because I do think that's what she's saying, is that every guy who arrives, and I'm sorry I'm just using man as the fucking base here, but let's just face the facts. And they come in there, and their rock-hard penis is they're making the decisions. They are not going to be super rational. The problem is that erection. You've got to eliminate the erection.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
By getting him to comb his pants by doing other things. I think freshman year of college, mandatory sex ed. Now, I know we get sex ed in seventh grade or whatever, but I'm saying once you get to college and you're over 18, sex ed is teaching you how to fuck, how to do BDSM, and how to do all these things. That way, we don't get situations like this. Can I ask, though, who teaches this?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Is it like, is it just some guy show up? Like, you know, is it Mia Khalifa teach it? Husband and wife combo, maybe? Now we're in a Monty Python, that's the meaning of life. That's what the sketch is. Remember the meaning of life? No, I never saw it. Was John Cleese fucking a weird one?
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
It's actually, it's really strange because he's like, you ever notice those old tiny sketch things, especially British, when they get like... It's almost... It's not that it's not sexy at all, but nudity for me, like, takes the sex out of it. Yeah. It takes the comedy out of it. You know what I mean? Where, like, as soon as there's, like, a naked woman... Well, airplane when the boobs came by.
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Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Well, that's different. That's very funny. That's different, but that also didn't really register as funny to me as a boy. Oh, it registered funny to me. See, I was just like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
that was like the first but i remember feeling it that was like the first pair of boobs i ever saw was in the movie repossessed have you noticed that boobs in horror and comedy has been totally replaced by dicks well because it's it's a pendulum swing literally i know i know it's a pendulum swing i feel like again we need equal amounts Every time there's dits, there should be dick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Every time there's dick, there should be dits. Amen. I think that strip clubs should have both male and female strip clubs. I'm totally fine with it. Let's party. Because then everybody can take a break. Yeah. If you're not into this next one, go take a break. Yeah, go hit the salad bar. Salad bars that need to make a hardcore comeback in a big way, but elevated. Yeah. Elevated. We need stations.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I remember we were at the Alec Baldwin roast after party pre-murder. Don't hold it against Rambo for being there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Boobie Tuesdays. Boobie Tuesdays. Ooh, that's amazing. Eddie, write it down. I'm singing the microphone. I got to write nothing down. Someone's going to take it. But that was really it. That was all that really is to say is that technically the dom is in charge and they need to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And the reason I said husband and wife team is I actually had, when I went to Catholic school in fourth grade, there was a husband and wife team that came in and gave us sex ed talks. Did she suck his dick and stuff? No, but they let us curse, I remember. That's just so you get some of the horniness out. I think so. Yeah, I think they need you to do that. But I remember enjoying them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I thought they were great. Oh, so this is also the difference between... So this is the difference between manslaughter. This is also pertaining to the same story. Okay, great. It's figuring out... Careful. I'm fine. Now, this is this is one of those where you have to find other certain words, right?
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Purposefully intended for the act to occur knowingly, practically certain that the act would occur recklessly, was aware or should be aware of the risk that the act would incur negligently, was unaware of the risk that the act could incur. So first degree murder, purposefully kill. They have premeditation, but technically there's a looser standard here. It can just be straight up.
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I got into a verbal altercation. I went, got my gun, came back, shot you. That can be, that's as base as first degree murder can be. Okay. Right? Second degree murder. Knowingly kill, no premeditation. Verbal altercation, have gun on you. Okay. Kill someone in the middle of verbal altercation, second degree murder. Okay. All right.
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But you guys still, though, you guys had bulletproof vests on. yes no we made sure we made sure and we're so we're at this after or was the premier party rather and so it's like a pool party slash premier party and ireland was there ireland baldwin uh and she we all know how she is but she's always got their fists up and ready to go yeah because she's arming herself against her father
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Then there's also second degree murder, but with reckless, with extreme indifference to human life. Okay. Like throwing a brick off an overpass onto a car. and somebody dies as a result. That is what you'd call reckless indifference. That's second degree. That's not an accident. No, not at all. You're purposely doing something that you know that's wrong. Manslaughter, which is a reckless act,
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that causes another death. Shooting a gun into a ceiling and accidentally killing the upstairs neighbor. And then there's negligent homicide. That seems the same to me, to be honest with you. Well, this is what we're saying, is that negligent homicide... Throwing a brick over an overpass and then shooting a gun in the air...
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equally as reckless in my opinion but this is where you'd get into the but it's about how you travel and it's all these things that you would put together in court right second degree murder i imagine it goes over because they got the cinder blocks to go to the overpass they chose the overpass to go to they set up a time to go to it they knew that they were going to do this to cause chaos
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You can be in a passionate moment. You can reasonably argue that you were in an impassioned moment and you fired a gun in your own home that then accidentally killed somebody, which then could have become manslaughter. So, you know what I mean? It's all about all the circumstances that lead to everything.
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Or if you're watching, like, a show in an old-timey saloon and the chick's showing her garter and you're like, bang, bang, bang, bang, but there's someone on the roof. Absolutely, naturally. You're in trouble. Yes. That's why I don't watch saloon films anymore. That's why I can't get her gun. It's not allowed in our home. Yeah. And I tell Julie, stay off the roof. Please.
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I'm playing with my gun right now. Hey, this is my time. And so in the case of the OnlyFans model, she could be easily charged with either manslaughter as a reasonable person would know that wrapping another head in saran wrap could lead to death, but disregarded the risk. However, there is a case that wrapping another's head in saran wrap could be extreme indifference for human life.
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However, the bar for extreme indifference is both quite high and both the intent and acting to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. The fact that the guy is asking for the,
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the action to be done yes also affects her reaction it's such it's very much an accident i also yeah it's very much an accident led you know by because of her ignorance i wasn't gonna say stupidity but it's ignorance no it's like it's i would you know what i would combo i'd say a combo of the both because Just because he's horny doesn't mean he's immortal. So just remember that.
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Live every day knowing that. That's one of the most important lessons I've ever learned. I live, I know every day, no matter how horny I am, I can't do something. It almost kills me. That will make me shoot. Because you know why? I laugh thinking about people that need to be joked while masturbating. Because me, honestly, I masturbate normally in about 30 minutes and 30 seconds. I was going to say.
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No. 30 minutes. And I'm done. It is in and out of me.
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It doesn't even matter. Just get me out of there. And then I laugh myself to sleep. Yeah. Knowing that I didn't have to dance on the razor's edge of death in order to have a nice time. A little chuckle slumber. That's me. Oh, man. Well, we're hitting the road. We are. That's right. Last podcast on the Left Proper is coming to Detroit on April 18th. We're going to be at the Masonic.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Please come check that out. That's going to be a blast. I'm not fucking around. If you're in Detroit, you all know. It's one of the best venues in this fucking country. Come out. See us do the show. It's going to be a special goth night. There's going to be a lot of good-looking people there. And you know what? It's Good Friday. Gross. Isn't that great? More like great, almost like gross Friday.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's because, you know, all the Italians that killed Jesus, you know, they named it. From next year, they were all talking to each other. They're like, hey, remember that time when we killed that fucking loudmouth? That was a good-ass Friday. That was the funnest day of my life. I love watching him scream and wriggle. Yeah, do it again.
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So I remember I heard, like, you know, because I'm cooking and shit, you know, I'm manning the party. And then I just hear Rambo barking like crazy. I'm like, I should probably check on this and see what it is. Yeah, see if you can make sure it's not attacking Rue McClanahan or something.
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Hand him like a painting we did. Invasive Species Tour with Side Stories is coming back to Florida. I just had a very successful run. It was wonderful. North Florida ain't ever going to be the same. But I'm coming to... May 6th, I'm going to be in Naples at the Off the Hook Comedy Club. And then May 7th and 8th, I'm going to be with Henry doing side story shows.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
On the 7th, we're going to be in Fort Lauderdale at the Dania Improv. And then on May 8th, we're going to be in Orlando at the Funny Bone. The first show sold out. You got to get tickets to the late show now only. We're going to have fun. And then right after that, the next day, I'm flying all the way to Key West.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And from May 9th through the 11th, I'm going to be at Key West Comedy with Lisa Correo and Kevin Skeeney. And that's going to be a lot of fun. Lisa Correo is wonderful. She's unbelievable. She's a great comedian. Yeah, it's going to be a blast. So come check out those shows. We've got some surprises for that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
But also, Henry and I are going to be doing a Side Stories Live at Dad's Garage in Atlanta. That's going to be on June 29th. The 7 o'clock show sold out, but the 9.30 show still has tickets. So make sure you go and get your ass. Yeah, we're going to have so much fun, and we're going to be fucking around the entire time. Come to Contacting Desert 2025, May 29th, June 2nd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
We are going to be there all weekend. We're going to be doing a big show. We haven't figured out quite what we're doing there, but we're going to be doing something big there. We're going to be doing a couple shows. Yeah, so just come. Come to the weekend. You're going to watch, hang out, learn. It's a fun show. weekend. It's crazy. It's the only time I'm willing to learn like I'm in school again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
It's very funny. But also, you know what I'm going to say to our people that come out? We got to hit that pool, yo. Yes. When we come out there, we got to turn this shit into a fucking party. Yeah, you big boys. I'm talking to you. I want to see them titties. We need to get out there, yo. We got to go fucking to these pools. We got to show these nerds how it's done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
We're the right nerds for this festival. We need to take it back. And you know where else I want to see these man boobs at? Where? Crying Wave at the Sea. Oh, we will. That's for certain. That's going to be November 3rd through the 7th, sailing out of Fort Lauderdale on Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines. That's the Crime Wave. Go check that. Yeah, it's CrimeWaveNC.com. Buy the tickets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And then I see, like, Ireland Baldwin, like, pinned up against a wall and Rambo just barking at her, like, really intently. I'm like, oh, my God. Ireland Baldwin, no. And she's, you know, like. And she's like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
That's another one that's going to be, again, it's going to be fucking hilarious. It's going to be crazy. I have no idea what we're going to do, and I guarantee we're going to have at least two true crime stories come out of this weekend. Yeah, it's going to be, we're going to be on the boat. And we're there. Did you see that story about, what's his name?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
There was like the band leader, Ligety, that jumped off the cruise ship.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
He was in like Rat or something. I forgot what it was. Rat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was doing this like tour. He was literally doing what we were going to do on a cruise ship. He's doing like a show. And then his wife that he brought jumped off the stern the first night. And then I guess he just kept playing. I mean, you know, show must go on. Yep. Kimberly Birch. Faster Pussycat. That was right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Oh, wow. Faster Pussycat. Okay. You ever see this band? No, I never even heard of them before. Well, that guy's wife's dead. Oh, off a Royal Caribbean cruise. I bet it's the same boat. Wow. Great. Oh, no, no. Hey, no. She's refreshing. Yeah. Guys, thank you. I'm surprised she didn't float. Well, she might have for a while. Now, guys, thank you for enjoying Side Stories, because you better have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Hail Satan. Hail Rambo. Yes, hail Rambo. You skateboarding fucker. Go to a park. Go to a park, you delinquent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Yes, yes. I said, I'm so sorry about Rambo. I'm so sorry. And she said, oh, don't worry. She's like, I don't know why he's barking at me. I already gave him a cheeseburger. Fed him an entire cheeseburger. Celebrities, they are not like us. They just don't understand that you can't feed a dog an entire sandwich. Yeah, she gave him a whole cheeseburger.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And then sent him off because he's never ate an entire cheeseburger before. No, no. If anything, I gave him just the burger. Of course. No bun, no cheese. You're not supposed to give a dog white flour. There was probably a bunch of onions and whatever in there. And condiments. Yeah, if I made it, it was, I mean, amazing. Of course. Filled with spices. Yeah. And that's how you rile up a dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Yeah, like tie your shoes. Don't know. Yeah. Open the door to your car. Have no idea. Put on a belt. Don't wish I didn't have to. Yeah. Right? But I want you to know my job is being here and existing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Absolutely. But, you know, we just, we love Rambo. He was a good boy. He really was. And you did such a great job. And he is, he's the only, the only place I believe there could be an afterlife for is animals. Yeah, you think so? Because we don't deserve a second run. I don't think there is. I'm pretty sure he's just dust. I haven't gotten the dust in the mail yet. Wait till the hummingbird comes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Yeah, I haven't gotten that yet. They mail that, huh? Yeah, they're going to mail it to me. Rambo's dust. And I remember the lady asked me if I wanted a paw print. And I remember it. I'm like, nah. Because this last Christmas, we did a paw print on a Christmas ornament. Yeah, that's really cute. Which is really nice. I'm like, nah, I don't want that. I got the alive one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Because they just take this dead foot and put it in, you know... In clay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not romantic. No, I don't like that idea of you taking the corpse of my precious pet. It's not my dog anymore. No, it's meat now. It's a corpse now. Well, I'm glad that we all... Where should I scatter his ashes? Dude. Earwolf. Let's go. Just get booked. This is his last reassurance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
He just wanted to be on fucking Comedy Bang Bang. None of you guys would answer his fucking emails. We're throwing the fucking... You're getting these dog ashes, Scott Ackerman. I just show up and I'm like... My character's a bereaved man who never got his son booked. So yeah. R.I.P. Rambo. You were the best. And I will replace you soon. Great. And that's important to know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
The truth is that I've said this to many people, and I definitely know that you have to have your feelings, and you will. You obviously process these, but I do believe that the best way to fix losing a dog is just get a new one. I got to wait until Tootsie dies. Yes. I got an appointment for her to die in a couple weeks. Cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
So I think that'll happen. Oh, great, great, great, great, great. Blue Easter Colt's going to play or whatever. He's going to do a whole thing. They're all going to come over, and the guy's going to be like, it's time for you to see the Reaper. Yeah, yeah. That would be kind of cool. Yeah. I immediately called my dog nanny and fired him. I was just like, you're... Sorry, I'm laughing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And he's like, I'll... Spatula set. I'll oven set. No, I'm sorry, sir. They already have their centers. All of the kitchenware is well taken care of. They're in my drawers. How about I just sit your weed, your piles and piles of weed, sir? I mean, technically he does do that as well. Yes, he's becoming a little bit of that guy that used to roll joints for Snoop Dogg. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And much like people want to, and I'll say this across the board, I feel like a lot of groups are experiencing this right now, and this might actually be a little bit, even a heavy way to start the show. Okay. Which is, I understand that entire cultures are being erased. People don't want to talk about trans people, but you know what's really being erased is the fat husband from sitcoms. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Except he's, you know, not Asian. Way less paid, too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
So, yeah. So anyone knows a good executioner for Tootsie, you let me know. We're actually sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. We're going to do a random poll for that. So if you send in as many emails saying you want to be the one to execute Tootsie, we will randomly choose. You just have to be within 100 miles of Los Angeles. Oh, also, just so people know, we did kill Rambo with an old vet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
We used an old vet to kill him. Yeah, I checked their ID. They were 62. It was across the border. Because in L.A., you can never tell. They can be 25. They can be 89. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I checked the ID, and it was an old vet that killed Rambo. So we know that it was done properly. Well, thank you, Eddie. No problem. Thank you for being there for me, kind of. I was. You were there. It was fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I think 59, when you can cash out the 401k. Is that the age? I think so. You have a 401k? We all do. We have a pension plan here. I don't. Yeah, you do. No one's told me about it. Oh. We'll see. I think I'm freelance. No, you're an employee. Yeah? You're my employee. You're fired. Great. You're hired. What? No. Back on staff. I don't agree. All right, let's do some news. Let's do some news.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Here for some side stories. Now, the reason why we have chosen this story first is because it's the funniest headline of all of them. It's very weird. It is very confusing. It took me like three read-throughs to actually understand what happened. I think that's because editorial writing is at its lowest it's ever been. But it is, this is a very funny headline. So here we go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
The bagpiper of Decatur dies in scuba accident, missing son's body found in treehouse. Okay. How do these come together? We don't know. This is where the mystery is, but it's pretty funny. So this is in Decatur... Georgia. Georgia. This is on Georgia. I love Decatur. I have wonderful friends that live in Decatur. I have my friend Jenny, who is wonderful, effervescent costume department.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
We have Karen Freed. We have people that live out there and join their lives. Love Decatur. What are their actual addresses? 449 Marijuana... Yeah, you do it there. Oh, yeah. So this guy named Henry France. He's awesome. I mean, we don't know. We don't know. He might have killed his son. We don't know. But I do like his existence. He's played the bagpipes for everybody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
He's played the bagpipes for George H.W., Prince Charles, Jimmy Carter, and the Dalai Lama. And they all said Dalai Lama. Stop. But no, they were so excited. He is a famous, he's the bagpiper of Decatur. So he was kind of known as a guy that would be, he was a local kind of hero. He would do all of these events, big funerals. Lots of cop funerals, I imagine. Oh, very much so.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Lots of just straight up pub-based funerals.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I don't think that Lieutenant Rodriguez really would have appreciated the, can we cut some of the glockenspiel? I feel like maybe the tuba's a bit much. But I'd like to see a mariachi band show up to Sergeant O'Malley's. What a night.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
And that's what I'm here to bring back. Yeah, no, you're part of the trans fat community. No, I am fat. I'm just, I am, I'm fat. I'm so, again, it's important to remember people like me, the other fat guy who lost the weight from the Mike and Molly. Did he lose the weight? Oh, yeah. had to. I think the government made them. That is the thing. They all, you know, John Goodman lost the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
I honestly think that they'd love it. If the first five Guinnesses, by the end, they're all going to be like, Ah, the Guantanamera. That's what I like. All right, Gary, get your knees moving. But all right. So Henry Doyle, Colin France. Yes. Henry France Jr. So he was a known quantity. So what he did was that he was in and out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
He did a bunch of different, you know, he was kind of known, but he was 74 years old and he was Super energetic. And he did the thing that I we warned about on one of I believe it was a stream talking about the concept of when you go on vacation and believe you can do a bunch of stuff that you can't do normally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
But because you're on vacation. So he went scuba diving. He extended himself too far. He complained of severe exhaustion. All of a sudden, he wasn't with the scuba diving crew anymore. He was on vacation and he died there. And so they went, they packaged up his body, they put it in a bagpipe, and they sent it back to Atlanta. But... That's one big bagpipe. Big old man-shaped, France-sized bagpipe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Now, they said that they went... I don't really understand what led to the call, though. So, now, this was in Maui. Now they've been, the DeKalb County medical examiner said they're working on the confirmation of the guy. They're pretty certain that it's him. They're currently, like, working on now this secondary investigation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
So, apparently, is that the later on this day, now, these apparently are not connected, but we don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
This is on Henry France's phone. Property. Indicator. Indicator. Is that on March 16th, so he died on March 10th, he gets shipped back to Atlanta. Soaking wet. Soaking crazy. Honestly, kind of irresponsible. Because he's not an iPhone. So they said apparently they went to his home to settle his affairs. His family did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Lots of people love that type of punishment. Unfortunately, they wish we would go back to it. Well, that's what it feeds right now. Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting praised for how horrible he was to his children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
And look at what he did. He made a fucking terrible actor and something else. They're literally like talking about how he would like burn their shoes if they left them in the wrong place and stuff like that. And everyone's like congratulating him for being strict. But it's like that seems like it's torture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
So, Julie, so thankful. So thankful. And I just want to say thank you. Took care of that. Yes. Now we can move on. Now we can have dinner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
I... You have to. Yeah, I know. Now, this is, and that's life. Also, you don't have to masturbate every day. You don't necessarily listen to Henry. It's probably best if you don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Was it for science? Are these real bishops or are these the appointed ones that are just like rich people?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Uh-oh. I don't know. But I was watching Hidden True Crime. Whenever Henry says it's not funny, that means it makes him laugh very hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
No, I'm not, Billy. I'm not. Definitely not. It must be hard for this guy not to jerk off when he looks like a clitoris.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
No. I mean, it's that old thing. It's like when people, I always bring it up as like, if you hit a bad dog, it makes them a worse dog. You know? Sure. And I know these are children and not dogs, but it's just an expression that I've always like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Get it done, Natalie. Right. But here's the thing. Natalie, no offense. You don't cook meat well. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
That whole thing is a case. They turn into Michael Jackson, and then they turn into Michael Jackson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that whole Michael Jackson thing is a case of he said, he, he said, okay. I like that joke. He's allowed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, that's fucked up, Amber. I can cook it if you want. Oh, that's nice. And then, like, we just put, like, a curtain over the kitchen. It'd be hard to keep Henry out of the kitchen because he lives in the kitchen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fancy. High society. So even if the kid was being quote unquote good and not masturbating, this other woman could just be like, he's masturbating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
there yeah yeah but you know if you need i can come in i'll make the really nice dinner you like henry i made this for you i won't even you know i won't look i'll just i'll hand you the food like this and so you know i won't see the lingerie i love it just don't let me see it coming yeah and then if you want we could just two in the back of the head when you're on the toto oh my god honestly that's nice scrap everything i just said
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
It's just one of those perks. Yeah. I mean, if you're burning forever, I guess you figure it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Tallahassee what's going on Ed Larson here from last podcast on the left to let you know I'm coming to you that's right I'm gonna be at the 926 bar and grill on March 23rd doing some stand-up and some music with my good friends Evan Rossi and Danny Bedrosian you know the keyboard player from Parliament Funkadelic what he's performing live with Ed Larson in Tallahassee Yes, it's happening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
So come on out March 23rd, Tallahassee, Florida, to see Ed Larson, Danny Bedrosian, and Evan Rossi perform at the 926 Bar. You might just get a public sub.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
So like Lori Vallow, Chad Daybell, Jodi Hildebrandt, you think that they really believe what they're doing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
It's about time that you've come to realize that we're all going to go together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
The way I look at it is, if you have, I don't know, multiple burner phones, you know you're doing something wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Oh, yeah. Believe me. That's what I say to you. I mean, there's got to be, like, good Mormons, right? Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Hello! I am a 4.20 dark. Yeah, he is. He's got over 420. 420 dark.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
As long as you're confirmed. And you're sending the check every once in a while.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
He wouldn't even know. You could probably just put an orange next to your legs. If he choked up...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
You wait for August. They need their AC. Have a Mormon. He looks like a demon. Russell Nelson's little forehead kiss. He looks like Ken Aykroyd from Nothing But Trouble.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
You. You. You. Yeah. You already freaked out at a gun range when you went with my wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
It's amazing that your hearing goes, but your ears grow? Oh. Oh, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Do they have a Tom Cruise? You know, like how Scientology's got Tom Cruise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
You were like, I think it was, you went and you were like, has anyone ever tried to rob this place? And you're like, we are covered in guns. No one is robbing us. They can't do it. They literally can't do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yes, I remember when it came out and everyone bought tickets and didn't go and all that shit. Well, the church bought a bunch of the tickets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, because they want to make it look like people are seeing it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
There are a lot of Mormons. It's a growing religion, I believe. No, it's shrinking. It's shrinking. Yeah. But there is still a lot, right? Millions. Millions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, and it was, you know, they believe Jesus came to America and all that stuff, right? They believe 17 million members. But I think that it was the way they've gotten away with all this shit for so long is that Mormonism just seemed like such a fringe thing that they've been able to, like, hide in plain sight. Because I didn't give a shit to look into any of this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
You've been on last podcast on a left proper. Now you're doing side stories. I think you're the only guest to do both.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
One nice thing about some form of organized religion. Not Mormonism, just organized religion as a whole? Yeah, maybe that's easier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
You should do that. Is that in your documentary? It's in one of them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
I got a brighter side for Mormonism. Are you ready for this? Sure. When I used to go to spring break in Panama City every year when I was in college, they would often host free pancake breakfasts. And I would get free pancakes every morning thanks to the Mormons. And then they come and they talk to you and, you know, you're so drunk you can't really pay attention. So I thank the Mormons. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
for the pancakes every morning to soak up the booze from the night before. Literally, until we started doing Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow, I was like, Mormons, pancakes! That's what I thought of them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
We're at the beach. Oh, you're at the beach. Yes. You're at the beach. Is that the cyclone? Whoosh. What's the squeaky sound? Birds.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, I couldn't. I tried to watch Big Love like several times and I just never could do it. Watch Mormon Girls. Big Love is just like. I hate that sentence. Yeah. Even though it's like. You watch children. You said you love watching children. Yeah, but I like atheist children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
You ever see the porn version of Boys in the Hood? It's actually, it's a bunch of Klan members. You know, because they're in hoods.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
The Jewish people... You can't even watch yourselves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
I've been canceling any of my lifts that are Tesla's. Yes, and we'll be petty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
They are loving it right now. Also, that guard at Dachau that was raping all the other guards, I heard the reason he was doing it is because he wanted to change the name of Dachau to Cockow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Now we have to end. We're going to end this episode. Just bleep it. Keep it in with bleep it. Let the people imagine what Amber says. Yeah, let them know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Listen to Someplace Underneath. Their series on the LDS Church is amazing. How long is it going to go?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
It's where all of our horseshits is. Not all of it. Some of the horseshits there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Every other Monday you can watch Amber and Natalie do Spawn. Yes. It's like 5 p.m.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, right now, I'm in Florida this whole weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I'm in Jacksonville, Panama City, where the pancakes are, and Tallahassee, Florida.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, so if you want to come out to any of these stand-up shows in Florida, please do. This is Invasive Species. Ed Larson tours Florida. Tickets are available at eddytoons.com. Also, Amber and I have a wonderful podcast that we've been doing for about 13, 14 years called The Brighter Side. It is available on The Last Podcast Network. If you're not listening to it, you need to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
It is a cynic's look at optimism, and I love doing that show with you, and it's so much fun. Also, we have Hoopagoogoo, which is the HGX2, the Hoopagoogoo game, which is every other Thursday on the last podcast, Twitch channel, LPN TV, or is it twitch.tv slash LPN TV, and the replays are available on YouTube, so make sure you check those out. You better.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Oh, so I can be completely surrounded by the women that control my life? Yes. I think that'd be great. Yes. Yeah, we'll get my wife in here too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, Julie. I'll just slowly fold. It is nice to watch you fold. Yeah. It's better than looking at your folds.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
She has to choose my fault. The people like when I make fun of Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, man. That's how it goes. I know. Well, see you from the land of big tits.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yes. Oh, that's nice. It's good. It's good when you can actually really buy your way in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
And the thing is, though, the Mormon Church is all in America. And so... Well, the $260 billion is American currency, I imagine. It's American money, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Well, I know they have missionaries that go out. Like, you know, I saw Book of Mormon. It's a blast. But the thing is, if we tax that shit, that's like $30 billion. We're not gonna. It's wild, though. That's everything right there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
I mean, I had a futon for many years. That's, you know, horrible way for a child to sleep. Oh, yeah. That's just because you were too big for a room. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
From the boogie-down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish-Italian java, last podcast on the left, and Spring Hill Jack coffee rising from the rubble with a new brew on. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Nothing to do with any moth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a Butterfly Dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
The really good song. There's a dance in the parking lot. Ease on down, ease on down the road. We're going to ease on down, ease on down the road. I can definitely see Ziz doing that. Ziz.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Hey, how you doing? It's me. I'm the Ziz. The Ziz has been caught. We did not know that the Ziz could be caught, but the Ziz is contained. Jack Lasoda, the dead name of Ziz, has been arrested finally. Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We're going to drain this. We're going to drain this fucking content, Gulch. So here we go. This is the cult. So we've been covering this over the last couple of weeks, this group. They call themselves the Zizians, it seems like. It is a group of somehow connected young students that are either in the biomechanical, biomedical sphere, slash computer programming, and then also in the world of AI.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They have formed this sort of death cult, in which the majority of the members are trans, and they don't believe in private property. They also believe in this concept of Roko's Basilisk, this idea that they are going to help AI take over and work with AI, because they believe that once AI becomes sentient and becomes our overlords, they will go back in time.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They will be peaceful and filled with wisdom, but they will go back in time and destroy anybody that was ever against them. AI. And so Ziz wants to get ahead of that by joining forces with the AI. But again, we talked about this last week. If we listen to some of our tech leaders, I think AI is a bit off. Yes. I think we got some time before we're going to get there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. I didn't know that. She's from Brestington. Chessington. Oh, I'm sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But now, so Jack sort of finally got arrested. 33 years old. They've been charged with trespass, having a gun in a vehicle and obstructing and hindering all misdemeanors. Now, this is in Allegheny. So this is down. Oh, this is Pittsburgh. Yeah. Well, Western Maryland is now Western Maryland. They're in Maryland. And so now they're all in jail. And here's the list of the crew we got.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Here is the fucking this group of fucking absolutely no bail. No bail. Because now they're trying to figure out what to do with them. This is the people that have been arrested since 2019. We have Jack LaSota, Alexander Lethem, Emma Barhonian, and Gwen Danielson, Maximilian Snyder, and Teresa Youngblood.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They have all been involved in, so far, a murder of a landlord, which is why we're all like, it's sad for us. Yeah. Murder of a border agent? Yes. We have the murder of two separate parents, and it looks like the murder of two other people as well that were connected to the families of these people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm referring to the fake Texan Kelly Riley.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Ziz has been ordering them to break away from their families, do this thing called non-hemispheric sleep or one hemispheric sleep where they let one side of their brain sleep and let the other side of their brain sleep, and they believe they can split into two different personalities. It's gobbledygook. We went through their manifesto. It's absolute horseshit. They're wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That was on Yellowstone. Yes, she's a Montanan. Montanan, yes. I'm just... She's a Dutton. I'm a fan, and she has been telepathically telling me... Cute as a Dutton. She has been telling me through the internet that she's in love with me, and that unfortunately I have to come and kill her husband. Yeah. But that's something else that's a whole other side story that's not on side stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And honestly, I think if the AI was real, he wouldn't choose you, Ziz. I think that unironically, he would choose me. Yeah. So I'm sorry, Ziz. They're going to come for somebody. I think that we're going to be the hardest ones to channel. I don't think that the AI is going to have problems with deeming people working on programming and biomechanical engineering and all that stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think the AI is going to have that handled. I think the AI is going to need comedians.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You don't, but I will say. I personally don't use it. Again, I tried because I was like, I went through the whole thing. You have to reread the email after you have it right. Because once you write the email and then you have ChatGBT go through all the shit, whatever, kind of fix it or whatever, they're always wrong. ChatGBT's an idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, okay. But Grammarly's different than ChatGPT. Grammarly is one of the most intuitive, credible sentence building programs that you can have. And I couldn't move if I didn't have Grammarly. I would be so paralyzed, I probably would commit suicide. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Obviously, now we're going to find out what's going to go on. I imagine that Ziz is going to—the Ziz—is going to talk a lot from jail. I think that they're going to use this opportunity to really broadcast their message. And we're going to see how that works.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Because the problem, again, which I'll always say, is that if they're there, right, they're using this very complicated barrier to entry, using this kind of— absolutely nonsensical manifesto and a mishmash of different philosophical ideas.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But you know why I also don't believe them, that they really work for the AI, is that, oddly enough, I think that I'd expect them to be dumpier. I kind of expected them to be what you're saying, which is like, if you're a real AI-led cult, this is how you've led the cult. It's like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's what a true AI-led cult would be. But we're going to find out exactly more. They're probably going to try to explain more what their rationalist movement is and what rationalism is. And in that moment, they'll put us all so thoroughly to sleep. We'll finally get rest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I did want to show you this. What is this? This is from Brazilian Wax Museum. Is that supposed to be Pope Francis? This is Pope Francis. That does not look like Pope Francis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's a Middle Eastern man. Is he? Whose mustache does not connect to his goatee.
Last Podcast On The Left
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He looks nothing like me, you piece of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes, but you know what's funny about it? He looks like that now. Really? Have you seen the pictures of him now? He evolved into this? Well, he's got like bloated dying face because the Pope's dying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They put too much sugar in the yams, though, sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
This is too much sugar in the yams. You can see it's too much caramelization. It's the only thing I'll push back on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
See, still, I mean, I have had steak. It's just, it's weird. That big? No. But I don't know if all the snake meat is different. I bet it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
He's got a raccoon hat. He's got a raccoon shirt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm a full meat pervert. I'm a food pervert. I'm totally fine to eat whatever this kind of stuff. I'm not even really. I do love piggies. I do like pigs, but it's like I will eat anything. I will eat raccoon. I have no issues with eating this raccoon. I think that I do wish they debone it a bit. I think that if you took it off the bone, I'd like it a little bit more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, when's the last time you had goat? I like goat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, he's not. He's lying. No. He's fucking lying, Eddie. No. He walked it all back. He's a fucking liar. He's a little-headed, elf-in-shoes piece of shit. So does he not like gay people? No. He's a fucking piece of shit. He walked it all back. Fuck him. I can't wait to see him. Pope Francis doesn't like gay people? No, Pope Francis can fucking suck a dick, but he wouldn't because he's afraid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I am afraid. But no, I've had goat, but there's, why is goat different to me because it's bigger and it's got four legs where there's something about a raccoon, it's the size of carmy. I just hate that they're eating raccoon that's not really seasoned. Well, they're just sucking on the spine. Why is he sucking on the spine like that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, you know what's funny is that, yeah, it's just the man behind it. Because I've done this. Remember with the, who, where we go? Brooklyn Star where they serve the pigtails? Yeah, those are so good. Little piggy chicken wings. And they were like pig chicken wings. They were the pig's actual tails. And you just suck all the meat out of little rings. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
See, actually, I'm kind of getting turned on now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Between Travis, your wife, who's a big, this is like, does your wife never eat?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, you wouldn't. I wouldn't eat it. This is the thing is that an oyster, a lot of times it's like it'll either be farmed or it'll be in a specific part of the world. It is oyster areas. So it is cleaner for the oyster. These are quote unquote free range raccoons are just the raccoons you see in the street of Danville, Ohio.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's just a raccoon. There's no caged raised cat raccoon. There's no farm-raised raccoon. There is only free-range raccoon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And I've heard bear meat is not particularly very good either. Well, we'd have to talk to our boy who's smoking it down in New Orleans. We actually, I was curious about bear meat once, and I got a lot of messages talking about bear meat, and it's very greasy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
years I'd like to now I am I don't want to be in that room with this man the man that is in the picture of this I don't want to be with him there's a lot of MAGA hats in the room too oh no it is definitely a comfort this is a very this is a safe space for MAGA yeah I don't want to I don't want to be in that room but I would eat that raccoon yeah one of the cooks Sandy Crow said I was asked if I wanted to make four pies for the dinner or if I wanted to cook raccoon so I started cooking raccoon because I don't like to make pies
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
What I prefer is the hunting down of a trash animal. I like to go out there myself. I take some tuna and I put it in a can on a string and I bring a hammer. And I entice him with a hammer, and then I hit him in the head. I hit him in the head with the hammer, and I hit him, and I smashed their brains.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Exactly. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Black pepper, you want to have, I would say, coriander might be good in there, some cumin, chili powder, mix it all together in a rub. You're going to want to brine it, you're going to want to rub it, and you're going to want to braise it. Then you brown it, then you braise that shit with some nice, you see, then I feel like we're in a territory that I'm in. Because this sounds good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You could throw some okra in there. You could throw corn and stuff in there. Oh, there's corn. And then you slap that shit in a big old bucket and you let that rock for four hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, we'll eat that shit in a second. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. But these guys are fucking morons. They're just boiling raccoon with onions. You're just killing and essentially burning them at the stake. You're just like killing raccoons. It's very sad. It's very, very sad. Is it sad? The way they catch them is sad. How do they catch them?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They just let dogs chase them and they corner them and then they just basically eat them alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's how they do it, yeah. Can I say though? It's not fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Guys, that's fun for the dogs. So somebody's having fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Okay, it's fun for the dogs, the raccoons, they don't know what's going on, because it does seem to sort of be like one of those Night of the Long Knives that happened to the Jewish people during the rise of the Nazis, where all of these raccoons are just hanging out one day, just wondering, acting like everything's fine, and the next day, all of a sudden, it's culling season, because we've got to kill 179 of you to feed Randy's fat ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And he has no idea. And then all of a sudden you got the fucking SS showing up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm down for animals raised for food that are used as food and treated well to be. But isn't it better to go hunt for your food? Yes. But those animals, you know what you're eating. Raccoons eat liquid shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's what I'm saying. I would prefer to have a raccoon be in a place where we know what it's eating. And then you could fill it with all sorts of stuff. And then eventually you could start feeding it butter and spices. And you could fatten up its little organs. And then we could make some raccoon pate, which I've never seen. Oh, God, Rob. Oh, it's this little face. It looks like carny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, Rob, it looks like fucking Wendy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because, again, we're cosplaying what poor people had to eat. We're eating it for fun because they had to eat it. Now we're eating it because we've decided it's fun. And then these guys like it even better because it harkens back to a time period in which black people couldn't vote.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Hey, you know, and that's the last time anyone in Ohio has ever been open-minded.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We were bringing it up before. It was an off-mic moment. I was expressing my admiration for Kelly Riley as a performer. Oh, yeah? What movies has she been in? There was one movie I saw in my dreams where she was the female captain of a ship and I was the first mate. And I had to go in there and I said, let's put the mate in the first mate. She was just like, leave me alone, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And the raccoons are like, what in the living fuck is happening? This went from Shangri-La to Auschwitz. Yeah. This was our home. This is our place, and now we are hunted for our flesh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They love it. You know what I'll say is, in the name of the Ziz, in the name of a lot of people going on, we need more awareness and stuff. I feel like what we should do is, let's flip the script. Let's get LGBTQ raccoon boil. Yeah. That's what we need to equalize the forces here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
If you guys really want to really play games here in the United States of America, if you want to be a part of the big team, right, you've got to start going to the people. And I think that if we get the LGBT crowd to get into eating raccoon... We take it from them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, because I feel like it's some guy who shows up and you're like, oh, you guys are cooking raccoon? Yeah, just so excited about it. My God. Well, you know, again, I feel that there's nothing wrong with eating raccoon. There's a lot of people that do it. It probably speaks a lot to your demographic as a human being, which I say let's flip it for them. More spices, though. Yeah. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because, yeah, she'd like to make pies. I cook raccoon for probably 30 years. Yeah, that's right. Well, at least it's not the Danville Lions Club, but at least it's not the Danville Raccoons Club.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
All right, so we have a couple of stories about consequences. Oh, nice. Now, this one I just think is obviously this is a tragedy and this is a crime. And there's nothing funny about this story. All right, I'll try not to laugh. There's nothing funny about it and I refuse to let you laugh. Okay. Or me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Now, Louisville is a fun town. No, there's nothing funny about it. Nothing funny about it. Louisville. They're facing the man. He's a business owner. He's facing several charges after allegedly kidnapping and beating a shoplifter who stole vape pens. Okay. This is in the Algonquin neighborhood of Louisville. Now, I don't think shoplifting is that big of a crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think that obviously comes from a lot of systemic issues. Yes. And it's just money. It's just goods. A lot of it is. Unless it's a small shop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It is, but it's vapes, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the owner of the vape store, Kashumakar Patel, he was in court this week because, so he saw this guy, this guy took a box of vapes out of the store without paying for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So the man ran away on foot, and Patel and several others of his staff gave chase. When they caught up to him, this is where it kind of went crazy. So, you know, as a retail person, when I worked in retail, we were told to go try to stop him. We never did. And I will also say, if you currently work in retail, and you all know, you all know this already. You let him go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, as he should have, because also, it's food. And most of the time, they're stealing it because they're hungry. And so, this guy... Because these are vapes, right? They're optional. So they caught up to the thief, and Patel and his associates, they jumped out of the van, and they pepper sprayed the victim in the face. Now, that's already a lot, right? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But then the guy started crawling away. And they were like, no, you're not going to crawl away. So they all started group stomping him, right? So they all started group stomping him. It was real bad, right? It was bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, not in Louisville. Yeah. And then it's really the final disgracement is the thing, which I've never seen someone do, and I've never heard of this before. They kept going.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So what they did was that they held the man down, and then Patel, the owner of the store, pulled the man's pants down and underwear, took the pepper spray, spread the man's butt cheeks, and sprayed the pepper spray into his anus. Right in the middle of Louisville streets? Right fucking in the strike zone. Louisville strike zone. Right? And it was bad. Of course. They pulled him into a van.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Even in my dreams I was rejected. But I have a beautiful wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They took him to a garage where they beat him. Whoa. With a piece of wood. They kept going? Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
A box. One box of vapes. I'm going to guess that one box is 12. Maybe. Court records say the victim was then put back in the van and then driven to the 1500 block of Lee Street where he was dropped off like Bang Bros. The victim called his mother to pick him up, which is the saddest of all. He said he had to then call his mom to come get him. And then he was all fucked up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And hot tush is one of the hardest. Honestly, it is such a...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
pandemic in this country yeah because of how many people that believe that you can actually make your hands warmer by spraying your booty hole with pepper spray i brought my perennially cold hands i have very cold hands i can't believe that this is the story out of louisville after they had that horrible flood this week like 11 people died and this is went right to the top of the news cycle
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Top of the news cycle, just happened. Came out, yeah, so this is guy, he's out there. I just think the idea of like, because now he's being held. He's being held with complicity for kidnapping, assault, wanton endangerment. He's $75,000. He did make his bond at $75,000. He sells vapes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I guess that's just what it is. It's like, nothing is worth this. This consequence, he went, obviously, I think... He overreacted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And that's what he created. There's nothing funny about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But I do think that the man, I mean, everyone's learned that they definitely dropped the shoplifting charges. Oh, they did? So he's not getting charged for shoplifting? No, no, no. Not after you get your booty hole pepper served. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're like, yeah, I think this is enough. You know what I would do if I was a police officer? I'd make him smoke the whole box.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes, but also it's like to me, and I've said this to her before, nothing would make me happier for her to go out on a mission and kill this woman. Really? Only just because I would find it incredibly hot. Them fighting each other. Oh, yeah. And then her subsequent beating Kelly Riley. Really? Only because it would be fun to watch. Well, how do you know she'd win?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's what I would do, just like they did back in the day. Oh, oh, you want to steal vapes?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Where Natalie's grandmother is in Michigan, that Walmart is the center of their life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It is where everybody is. There is the Walmart. There's a McDonald's and Taco Bell. Yeah. There's a one hotel and there is a CVS. But that Walmart is where everyone goes. It is extremely necessary to that town, sadly. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We already know they're making corporate nations. That is going to be the next steps. Just understand that. It's going to be Walmart-nation. You're going to be able to go choose which corporation you want to live in. It is going to happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think that that is sensible. Yeah. I think shoplifting is, again, what we said before, it's a systemic crime. Most of the time, it is because people are hungry and broke, except when it's like they're stealing out of the Louis Vuitton store or whatever. That's something else, but... Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
employees at walmart they've started testing this out are gonna are gonna start wearing body cams because they get beat up so much by the by the clientele was because also people go there as a designated third space like people go there to go hang out yeah connect do things that don't quote unquote cost money even though it's a private corporation it's a store and so what happens is that it does invite people that have nowhere else to go especially when you're open 24 hours yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
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So these people that work at Walmart end up being like police officers slash mental health associates and selling you panties. Yeah. I wish they'd sell me panties. I was cut off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because Kelly Riley has no training and she doesn't know what's coming. She doesn't have training.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Costco is good. Do you go to Costco? I go sometimes because Jackie's got a membership. Oh, okay. So I'll piggyback with her and I'll go. But largely I don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You know what's nice? It's the paper towels.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
See, I hate the rainforest. Oh, well, then you should get bounty. That's a part of what I've been doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Normally what I do is I buy two things of bounty just to throw one out, and then I go outside and I chop a tree down. Just because I hate them because I'm jealous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, thank you, precious Walmart. Thank you for your gifts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Sort of. I wonder what the Diamond Lounge is going to be like at the Amex private prisons. Do you think that if I get to Diamond, that I'll be able to be, like, I get extra rec time? I think you get a sushi. Yeah, I get sushi.
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I'm saying these are my, this is my, what I think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, yeah. Someone offers us, you're forced to eat the fresh sushi from the guy that they flew in from Japan, who looks confused.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I think that it's also just fucking something about not putting people in jail because what do we know? On low-level crimes, this is just across the board.
Last Podcast On The Left
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What is this? Oh, Google AI, fuck you. Yes, Kelly Riley can fight. As she's demonstrated in her role as Beth Dutton on the show Yellowstone.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I hope I'm saying your name right. I mean, God knows what else this guy's going to do, but he made one good decision. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The judge said that he's also going to go out there and wash cars with them. Now, when does it turn into a sexual assault thing? When does it eventually become he shows up in a Speedo? When does he show his penis at a bunch of men?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes, I do remember American Beauty. Do you remember how inspirational American Beauty was? The idea of this man finally finding his joy again because it was all about him having sex with a 17-year-old? Well, that and weed. You're right. And that, sadly, was the...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, getting his fucking ding dong, fucking man. Almost got pierced by the space. You got to be careful out there. Got to keep your head swiveled. You got to keep your head in a swivel on Hollywood, and you got to let these guys know it is an exit hole. Unless, of course, it is an entrance hole, and then you give them the green light. But you got to give them the green light.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's the only way to do it. Yeah, yeah, Kevin Spacey's in. He's in a lot of... He's really sad. He's in a lot of debt.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Speaking of great news, asteroid headed towards Earth. Yes! It is currently up to 3.1%. Let's blow it up! It has increased three times since its discovery. It has went from 1% to 2% to 3%, possible hitting us. And what is interesting, which I found really interesting about this story, is the fact that Number one, they can already tell where it might land if it does hit. Really? It's awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
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How does that even make sense? The way it works is that it'll come on a lateral. It'll come on some line. right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So it's about where, like, imagine, so the Earth's a goal, I guess, I think that, obviously I'm wrong, sidestorieslpotl.gmail.com, but the way it seems to work is they can sort of know what plane it's on, but they don't know how far it's going to arc towards us, but they can know that it's going to go in this one area of where we're at.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I like this. Although the fight scenes may look real and bloody, the actors must stay in the mindset of being ferocious. Which can be exhausting. Thanks, Google AI. All right. So besides my, I guess, a warning to Kelly Riley, just warn her. Just tell her I mean no harm. Tell her we want her on the show. Ask her if she knows anything about aliens or flat Earth. We talked about this earlier today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So if it hits us, if they're saying it's going to hit us somewhere in the equator, somewhere in the Indian Ocean, which is interesting. Oh, I also don't know if they're just lying to us to just make us feel better. Just tell us it's in the middle. Well, I mean, what? It's a three and four chance that it hits the ocean. Yes, and it's a city killer, but it's not a world ender.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They're saying that it would be the equivalent of something like 50 megatons, 50 times the first atomic bomb. Okay. But if it's in the middle of the ocean, we won't
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
experience it but like indonesia would be fucked in australia there might be some there might be some tsunamis yeah tsunami activity earthquake activity yeah but and but what i'd like to know this is like one of those fun debate points for our audience sidestories lpotl at gmail.com is that the address
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Actually, sometimes I forget, you know, when you do something again and again and again, you ever like go to hang out with somebody that you've known for like multiple decades and then you like Jerry, right? Yeah. And then you momentarily forget their name as you're going to fucking introduce them. That's like an, that's like an anxiety thing that happens to me sometimes. Um, but I'd like to know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Would you like to know the day that you die? Like, would you like to know, like, the date? If it's going to hit, and let's say it was going to end the world. Yeah. Do you want to know the date, or would you rather be suppressed?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Like, you'd rather a collective... If that makes any sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because the thing about science, too, is that they're right, and they do their best to be correct, and they're constantly changing. That's the idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's going to slide in the fucking that guy's asshole. When is this supposed to happen? When will this come? I think it's nine years. Nine years? Pretty close. Nine years? Yeah, 2032. Seven years. And so... But I wonder because remember they had those. There's like an AI now that can apparently tabulate the day that you will die. Oh, really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Using a bunch of like, you can give it a bunch of things. You can give it a bunch of parameters and it'll give you like a day that you'll die. But just like that and just like this, they could be entirely wrong. Of course they would be wrong. The only thing I'm afraid of is the thing of you find out the death day and then you do the thing where you're like,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Honey, I'm starting to learn the oboe and I can't do it with you here. I need full attention on the oboe. You know what I mean? Like this is when you're going to end up trying. You're going to ruin your family. And then what happens if then the comment doesn't come?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a Butterfly Dude Roast. This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious, and not just the same beans. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And I mean, like, this is going to sound really unpopular to a lot of people, but I think, and this is just between me and Eddie here for a second, that's why we don't tell some of these people. Yes. So what we do is, we don't, no, Rob, you didn't hear that. We don't tell some of the people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, and he just picks him up. Yeah, he's like, I'm just getting off of work. You know, being like, dude, we're all going to die soon. Yeah. And he's just like, you will not make me go uptown. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That would be great. Honestly, if I could get two of those in there, we can have her on the show. But we got big updates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because you reminded me of something. Yeah. Let's just not tell Bruce Willis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
How lost will he get trying to find the... I'm afraid if we tell Bruce Willis, he's going to blow up the moon instead. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Demi Moore comes in and she's like, let's just get him a drill and we'll put him on a sound stage. Listen, we'll just, let's just get him. Let's think he's doing it. He really, someone get him his harmonica. Can someone get Bruce his harmonica? He thinks he's on stage again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, yes. Bruce, let's leave Bruce out of this. Leave him alone. But you know who we're sending?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Lots of stuff. One of the biggest updates is... Do we have the Polish National Anthem?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
This all happened during the juicy couture days? No! I gotta get out of here. Well, yeah, just so you know, I wonder, I want people to tell me what you think. I think there's a lot of people that have to... It'd be kind of cool, in a way, if there was like... This is the thing, is that the government wouldn't do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They just gave everybody free power and did the thing at the time period for like five days. You know, we're like, all right, we're just running the systems.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Lock the doors, yeah. Gas them, probably. Wow. Kill everybody in there. You think so? Yeah, they're going to do a lot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
In the end days, there's going to be a lot of bad stuff happening. Yeah, because there's going to be no consequences. And that's also why people are doing bad things currently because they think that what you do is that you spark the bad things to make the end times come. And the next series that we're doing is all about that. The idea of...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
If the world won't end, what if we start the signs of the world ending on our own?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Four billion years. And you know what they said? What I'll do is interesting. You only need, I believe they said it's 150 people to re-spark humankind. Sure. So let's get to choosing now. What are you talking about? It was just two, Henry. Adam and Eve. Adam and Steve.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We have to play it because... Is that Ding Dong the Witch's Dead? Yeah, I do believe. Roll out the barrel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
This is a perfect time for this segment. So, this is a perfect time. Let's get to man corner, yeah! Now, last week, we had two fucking bitches on the show. All right. Woo! We need fucking two dirty bitches on this show. We know who they are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Now available on The Last Podcast Network. They're the best. They're absolutely hilarious. Kara Klink and my sister, Jackie Zabrowski, they're on our new show, Who's the Bitch? What's your sister's name? It's Bitchy fucking McDumper. Sikuski's. Yeah. Get your fucking ass. But... What's funny here is that normally we get to talk abstractedly about women's bodies away from you. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And we get to make a bunch of funny, fake thoughts about it because we don't understand a lot about your biology. And it's not really anybody's fault but ours. It's just more fun to be wrong than right. It's just fun to be. It's fun to say things that make people upset. It's fun. That's our jobs, right? Yeah. But then we had two women on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
that then went ahead to say a bunch of stuff that made a bunch of ladies angry. But they're not scientists. But they're not scientists, no. No, they're just fucking women like the rest of you. So we have to say... Truth is, I don't know what's happening to my own personal body either. Couldn't care less. I don't know what's going on in the man's body. I don't care what's going on here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I got balls. But I will say this. We're going to say here at LPN, don't drink while pregnant. No. Even though Cara and Jackie both, I believe, advised it. But don't drink while pregnant because many doctors wrote in and said don't. Yes. Even a little bit. Apparently not. We don't know. But this is what doctors said.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So this is us as men getting an opportunity to tell two women that they were wrong. Fuck yeah. Yes. That's what I'm talking about. Right. Yeah. And this is the wildest factoid I got. Mm-hmm. One in 25,000 women. This is true. Oh, yeah. Very true. They can get pregnant in their ass. Yeah. You can get doody pregnant. You can get dookie dookie fucking faux shooty farty pregnant. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
One out of- Did you know that? Two. 25,000 women. They have a cloaca. Yeah, they got bird bodies. So some women are born without, this is completely real, Rob. This was sent to us. The look on your face shows you're like, you can't wait for the anticipatory emails that we're going to get. But I'm going to read this right now. Yeah. It is absolutely possible to get pregnant from anal sex.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We just want to say congratulations to the fatherland. As it turns out, Jack the Ripper is Polish.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I know this because it happened to a roommate of mine. We've all heard this fucking story. Is at a Baptist University in Oklahoma, early 2000s. My roommate was raised mostly out of the United States as one of many children in a missionary family. That religious community believed strongly in abstaining from sex until marriage. But she and her new boyfriend thought they found a loophole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Everybody does. When she started dating in our sophomore year, she came waddling in one day to our dorm and said she needed to talk. She then told me that they didn't want to sin by having vaginal intercourse, so they thought they would be safe if they had anal sex instead. You're correct. You're correct. Maybe. Not from SCDs or anything else, but you're correct. That was the right idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Nature's condom. Yes. Oh, yes. It's more like nature's collection basket. He goes right out, right? So she had mixed feelings about her first sexual encounter, but ultimately enjoyed it. Decided it was okay to continue to have exclusively anal sex. Now, that's a trooper. Now, about a month and a half later, she started panicking because she hadn't had her period on time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
She started taking pregnancy tests, and they came back positive. Naturally, she was freaked out, later recalling that, I was really wet and excited her first time. When he pulled out, he said he made a runny mess. All sperm need is to swim. It's a slick surface. And they will keep swimming for up to five days. But also, apparently, it can slide down there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But also, you could be born without the holes. Like, without the walls. And so the cum can come through your butt walls. Into your pussy cavern. It's only one way, though?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
According to womenshealth.com, we asked two women on the show last week, and they didn't know. And now we're left here sitting in the runny mess of their thoughts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Women did this to us, though. Women put us, two women we know, put us as men into this scenario, having to roll back misinformation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. It's when the rectum, vagina, urinary tract. They don't separate. They collaborate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Rich Kuklinski, I guess. Rich Kuklinski was a very good employee that loved his job. See, Jack the Ripper. Now, this has been contested for at least a decade. It's DNA evidence. But it's been contested. We are still waiting on the final publication of the peer-reviewed study of this DNA, but it's getting closer and closer every day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Absolutely. And also, what an amazing, amazing opportunity to call somebody a butt baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, yeah, because then the cum can't go through our assholes back into our balls. Yeah. Right? Like, you can't fuck me hard enough in the ass that your cum will shoot into my balls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think that we have to stop now because I think that that's as far as we know. I think that we're stupid. I think that when we brought women in here expecting them to be smarter, we found out that's not true. And I think that that's one of the nicest things that we could have done for men in terms of listening to this. We're trying to create a safe space for guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Out here to listen to us talk, right? It's a safe space for you guys, you boys. Huh?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, you want to read this because, again, this is a response to last week. Jackie was saying she wanted to either get butt implants or one of the Brazilian butt lifts, or she wanted a... She was talking about padded pants. And we had an argument kind of talking about, is it... How much damage does that lie do to our sexual encounters?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And I actually don't know because this lady actually makes an interesting point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's the difference. I'm just saying. Yeah. I'm just saying I want that big old butt. Yes. To play with. Yes, for sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm a red-blooded man. I would listen to the butt. I'd listen to the butt's thoughts and the butt's opinions and all the butt's dreams. Yes. And I'd spend time with the butt and treat the butt well and create a fucking safe environment for the butt. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Now, according to a historian, and I believe they call them ripperologists, which is what we were when we covered Jack the Ripper a million years ago. That's what we became. So you're a ripperologist. I was, but I'll always remember this was my favorite suspect back in the day. Okay. So this is, I'm so happy for him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think you're entirely correct. We're not talking about the men just feeling deceived, though. I think that you're right in terms of you're dressing for other women and you're dressing for yourself. Yeah. But I'm not talking about the anger over the deception. It's more just I want a big old butt. Yes. I want a big old floppy butt I can fucking have fun with and be around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I would never say you can't wear the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just having feelings about the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We are talking about this enormous, like a friendly idea, banter back and forth, not actual rage. Men who experience this actual rage, which is real, are extremely dangerous and bad for it and are mostly unfuckable. Yeah, that is the problem. And that's the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
A lot of these trad guys are going to get a really hard fucking awakening when they wake up and realize that just because you want a trad wife doesn't mean a trad wife wants you. Because it's a lot of work. Being a trad wife. You got to live every day thinking about your husband. Wondering what my husband wants. Wondering if he's going to get his raw milk today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And you have to love churning that raw milk for your butter. Every morning for your husband, you're going to make that fresh ass fucking fresh butter each morning. And then you're going to laugh as you put arsenic in that butter. And then you're going to serve it to him in a big pile, a big thing of toast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You're going to watch him as he fucking grips his belly and he falls over screaming in pain going, what happened? What happened? What happened? And you're going to smile.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And it writes itself. And then you get to go be a lesbian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. He is being funny. But we did receive many emails from young veterinarians saying that apparently, like, suicide's a big old thing within the veterinary community. They all feel, like, unloved. They got to deal with a lot of psychopaths that have unreasonable demands, which I totally understand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, it's not new. Russell Edwards is a historian slash ripperologist that has been saying that, so a piece of what I guess is old timey come old. was on a scarf of Catherine Eddowes, of one of the victims of Jack the Ripper. And this man has been, I guess, in this decades-long hunt to finally finalize this DNA testing, and apparently using a family member of the Polish barber Aaron Kosminski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
My vet now integrated it into their thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But also, I do understand that it costs a premium, and I do understand that pets cannot tell you their feelings. They can't tell you what hurts and what goes on. It's extremely difficult for them to figure it out. They've got to look at it. But they're also, you are looking at puppies' assholes all day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Coming at a veterinarian for Eddie is coming at a group of people that you would think no one's attacking, so it's funny to attack them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You know, it's just funny. It is funny to attack a vulnerable thing. You have to understand that, guys. Is that when you're vulnerable, it's so fun to attack you. No, we are really trying not to punch you. We think you could take it because you're doctors and it's difficult. But thank you for your service, and we are listening. And that is our, what I'd call, our half rollback.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They got hours to live. Rambo is cognizant. He's tails wagging.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
God, why is he fine? Still alive. He's like, why is he perfectly fine? Him and Tootsie, blind. Fucking old. Do not loop Tootsie in with Bill Cosby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
People refuse to put him to sleep. Oh, Bill Cosby. Oh, his tour's coming up. Great. Oh, can we get tickets for that? There's a lot. There seems to be a lot available. He's got a comeback working on it. Oh, good for him. Wow. Anybody can come back. Wow. Oh, right. Oh, no. Foreclosure on his home. Yeah. Yeah, made me the money dried up. Well, guys, what an episode of Side Stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to give us money to watch us talk. And then we got a lot of bullshit on there, obviously, a lot of shit. And you can go see when you give money. You can see our live stream live. You can join the chat. You can yell at us and scream at us. That is on Tuesdays at 6 p.m. PST. And then you go to last podcast left to buy tickets for our live show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
There is a match. They're saying that they... So now, but they still have to go away. They have to verify everything again. So it is still not... permanent. It is not yet the... Can I be an asshole real quick?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We have so many coming up and they are going to be wonderful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Honestly, if you're out there, that's going to be one of those that would be so... Like, I've never been to Huntsville. I have no idea what the fuck's in Huntsville. Please come out. Send us some recommendations. And, like, we're going to have a blast. We do a lot of crowd work. We have a lot of fun when we do the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I mean it, guys. The people, if you can afford it, come out to this fucking thing because it is going to be awesome. Hilarious. Yeah. We're going to have so much fun, and someone's going to die. Always.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They said that we could go do one of the crew's autopsies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They said that we could go in there. They do them. They have an autopsy tech on there. So we can go in there, and they said that we can go do it, and we can shoot the fucking, what is it, the stuff that you can see blood with? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
The only thing that it seems to attach to is the fact that Aaron Kaminsky Aaron Kaminsky being there at all would be massive. him because he's Polish. What's he doing there? Well, it's because of the way he has all the attributes. We think that he was mentally ill. He suffered from signs of schizophrenia. He said he had auditory and visual hallucinations. Like most of the people in my family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Of course, but that's just because they're super creative. And then Aaron Kosminski was a barber surgeon. So if anybody had any butcher, so he had all these skill sets to cut and divide, which is exactly happened to all of these. So it was a mixture of both surgical cuts and raw animalistic cuts on all of the victims. So a mixture of these two things kind of fighting inside of somebody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So he kind of and he had both. He then was locked up in an insane asylum in which he died. And when he was locked up, the Jack the Ripper crime stopped. Okay. And so that is the main why we think it's him. And now they're saying that we are one step closer to naming Aaron Kosminski as he will be Jack the Ripper. Eventually, Jack the Ripper will disappear and will only be Aaron Kosminski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But there are other, I looked up other Polish serial killers. There's really not many. No, there's George Chapman. There's a lot of laws after the first one. I mean, they're always killed. They're like, it's the problem is, is that I killed her. I did it. When you stab a bunch of tricks or you stab a bunch of Cheerios, you leave a lot of mess, right? I get it. You know what I'm saying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We're Polish. I love it. We're being dumb here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We're allowed. Josef Zarkuskis, which was the Zarkuskis family, was a family of Polish murderers, which honestly sounds great. But the most they did it for robbery. They murdered other families. Honestly, this sounds like an amazing story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. Kazimierz Polis. Polis, serial killer, pedophile, killed two young boys and an adult man. So not a gold star pedophile. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Judgment on you. And so it looks like if it all, you know, fingers crossed, if this all comes out, if the tests come out right. Jack the Ripper will be Polish, which is the biggest get that the Polish community has had since vegan kielbasa. Yeah, we haven't had it. Is there vegan kielbasa? Unfortunately, yes. But you know where it's really good? What the hell is the name of this restaurant?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
The Vegans Place? Apteka. That's where you got to go. It's a vegan Polish place in Pittsburgh called Apteka. Really? It's amazing. Interesting. It's super delicious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And it's really fucking stupid. I don't know why they did it. But it's a big debt for Polish people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, they are absolutely not. What do you mean they're not? They're not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
the eggs sometimes in the dough for the for the the the the noodle that's right you got the fucking all the stuff in there like you know it's not necessarily vegan when you're cooking it you'd have to do it in a vegetable broth yeah because exactly and then the potato you got cheese in there they're not traditionally vegan and so i you know you know but it's good for us it's good for optics this is good for polish optics yeah yeah now that you know we've seen worse
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, I'm saying the vegan Polish food is good for optics.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. I'm saying that, no, Jack the Ripper being Polish just isn't fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They say healthy Polish food. Buddy, if you don't, and it's like, remember the Chris Farley commercial when they switched the coffee to the crystals? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think is going to happen in Pittsburgh? If you lie... to a yinzer about the food he just ate is vegan, he's going to fucking shoot you in the head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We are good. Good. Man, I am looking at this picture right now. For some reason, I went through this thing and I found a bunch of... Is it of Kelly Riley?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
If you met a Pittsburgh nurse. Especially in the fucking ER. Like the people coming through. My mother-in-law is a Pittsburgh nurse. And that Yin's accent is so strong. If you met a Pittsburgh nurse, you wouldn't understand her English. That's how thick her Pittsburgh accent is. It would be like you're in a foreign country. That is the rural heart of Pittsburgh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But this is like... Yeah, but Chicago accent's very rare. I feel like the Chicago accent I only even really hear from a big fat piece of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But not in a bad way. I don't even mean that as an... You stepped on my shoes. I don't mean that as an insult. Yeah, no, no, no. That's just the type of guy. It's just a fact.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, I will say that not only Eddie... I'm so glad that Eddie told me he's into medical dramas. He also showed me another really sad fact, is that right before the show, we were talking about how cool we used to be and how much fun we used to have. Uh-huh. And... Eddie brought up the only way he's allowed to enjoy things with sugar now is that he has to get flavored kefir from the store. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And then he just puts a spoon of it in his mouth at night. Yeah. And he just lets it sit in his mouth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
The calming is here for both of us. And to remember... Sometimes you need probiotics. Yes, you do. Yeah, just take them. Eat your keef. And sometimes... You have to trust the goat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And the goat, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Nah. Nah. Woody. Nah. Now I'm getting angry again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I kept it off mic. I hope you never meet her. No, I don't want to. You keep that seductress away from me in my home. I don't need this woman destroying my family, destroying my marriage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, we are. We are in Zizness, and Zizness is good. The Ziz. I'm going to start calling. That's what I wanted. That's it now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
My favorite Wiz song is the... Who was the good one? The Wiz song?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
He named that squirrel Peanut and started an Instagram account for him, gaining hundreds of thousands of followers in the course of seven years. But that guy also had huge fucking cockatballs. I think the... The people watching were watching for the cock, not the squirrel. The idea is that they better not have been. He had the gray sweatpants, and we all saw his huge cock through the sweatpants.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Big old wiener dinger, and he's got like... October 2024. Shameful what he did. Yes. The New York State Department of Environmental Conservation went to Longo's home, seized Peanut and a raccoon nameless. After the agency received complaints that wildlife was being kept there illegally, the DEC worker involved in the investigation said that the raccoon was also euthanized and tested.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Both results came back negative for rabies. You know, because it's the only way to really test them for rabies is to kill them. You had to go through their blood. You had to run their body through a gravy mill. Yes. But now, because of this and the popularity of peanut, you will get a 72-hour leeway to see if the animal has rabies before they're euthanized. That's a really nice change. I think so.
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Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
You know, and then if they got rabies, they have to be destroyed, and if they're just frothing with the mouth, maybe they were brushing their teeth. It's amazing that it took a squirrel... Took a squirrel.
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And, you know, I was talking to my, and I'm sure I'll catch shit, but I was talking to my vet father-in-law, and he said, very old, by the way, and we were talking, and he said that squirrels don't really get rabies, and there's no recorded squirrel rabies. We talked about this, is that it was probably mostly, it was ulterior motives, but yes, squirrels are actually largely immune to rabies.
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In a weird way. It's very strange. Yes. Little bodies. You'd think that they would because they'd be so cute. Killing your family. That'd be so cute. All right. My favorite story of the week. This is huge. This was my favorite story of the week. I get to send it to me multiple times. God, I love that. I love Los Angeles. This story. We all love the band Weezer. That's not true.
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You don't like Weezer? I like a handful of songs. I used to like them more. I don't like, obviously, no one, anybody with any substance does not like the new album, sorry. I like the old albums like we all do. Pinkerton and Blue are great. Those are amazing. Perfect.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. No nuts. I can't believe they wrote a song called Hash Pipe that I don't enjoy. It's a bad song. It's their worst thing and actually almost made me want to throw out every single piece of merch and album I ever had of theirs. But now I'm having an older reaction to it and understand. You're liking it more now. No.
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I'm saying the more that I can still be a fan and not like most of their albums. Island of the Sun. Don't. Hate that song. I hate that song. Also hate that song. They did ruin a lot of their legacy later on. And I've also heard they're a bit stingy when they're performing live. But they're still big. I'm still a big fan of Weezer. Stingy how? In terms of like they don't give it their all.
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Sometimes Rivers Cuomo seems out of it. I would be too. I wouldn't be. There's no substance in the songs. You're a rock star. Get over it. He's a nerd. You're a rock star. Fucking get over it. Yeah. All right. So... But Scott Schreiner, he's not over it. He's the bassist for Weezer. You know what I like about him? Unflappable. Bassist, got to stay in the pocket, right? Yeah.
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Got to be a fucking rock solid guy, right? Yeah. Which must be, because that man fucking puts up with a very interesting wife. Her name's Jillian Lauren, and she is, she's cute, she's fun, kind of foxy, foxy lady. I mean, yeah, she's married to a rock star. A rock and roll guy, right?
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But instead, she decided to insert herself into the search for three men that were running from a high-speed chase, and then she opened up a fire against a bunch of police officers, and they shot her, and then she was put into jail on $1 million bail that she had. Wow. So they just paid and got her out. This whole story does not make any fucking sense.
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Also, what I do then sometimes with a movie like that, when I know this might be challenging for Natalie's, like in terms of like a wife's taste. Yeah. I looked it up online, the Wikipedia. I spoiled myself to know what the ending was because I'd heard the ending was shocking. Yeah, it was cool. And then I... Yeah, cool. And then I read the ending. It was fucking awesome. Yeah. Yeah.
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Did she know the people running from the cops? No, no, no. So, okay, this is how I can maybe parse this out. So everything began on last Tuesday, 325 p.m., which is that, of course. It's always right before we record. There was a hit and run on the 134th. LAPD, they responded to a request for assistance. From Chips, they went in there and they were in Eagle Rock, right?
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For those of you who don't know, Eagle Rock in L.A., crunchy yet expensive. Yeah. Right? It's a part of the city in which very, very money. Yes, it's where Weezer lives. It's where people with money live to pretend to have no money. Yes. Right? Lauren, Jillian Lauren, which again, it's really hard to fucking describe anybody with two first names. So there was a high-speed chase.
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The suspects left their car. They ran into the bunch of backyards in this residential neighborhood. The manhunt led officers to the back of a residence where all of us, where Scott Schreiner of Weiser and his wife Jillian Lauren live. For some reason, Jillian Lauren was in the backyard of her neighbor house, of her house, of her neighboring property. So it wasn't even in her property.
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She was on her neighbor's property. Okay. With a handgun. Lauren pointed handgun at officers who said, hey, white lady, please put it down. Because that's how nice they are in LAPD. That's how nice they are when they see it's a rich woman with a handgun. They went, please, pretty please, if you would just please put the gun down. Yeah. She responded by opening up a fire at them.
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She fired at them or into the air? She fired at them. Yeah. It sounds like when a police officer... I thought she did like a warning, pop, pop, in the air. No police officer's going to take it as a warning. No. You know, they chased a few guys. This is according to Maria DaCosta. This is someone who says the LAPD was chasing the guys. Weasley's wife comes out of the house with a gun.
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They then shot her in the shoulder. They shot her in the shoulder. Tiny shoulder. Which is, to be honest, shows the, sadly, it shows restraint on LAPD's count where they technically didn't riddle her with bullets because she was a visibly rich white woman. See, that's where they fucked up because now we know they can aim.
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So they arrested her. She came out with the babysitter. Now, two clues here. Number one, she didn't listen to the police. She fired either at them or towards them or above them. They continued to fire at her. She went in and her response was to bring out her babysitter that was also at home.
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I don't know if you've ever met anybody that's a mom that has a babysitter with her that's not under police observance. Normally, if you need a full-on team to raise your family that's just a child in a living room, I mean, sometimes I'm going to go out on a limb. I know when people need help, people can talk about this, but sometimes I'm reading right now, difficult woman. Say it ain't so, honey.
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I'm reading difficult woman. That's funny, Eddie. You got to save it. Can you do it correct? Save it for what? Save it for here.
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You're right. This is what you do it. You got to do it right, though. What? Say it ain't so? Say it ain't so. Thank you. When she got shot in the shoulder, do you think her sweater came undone? Whoa. If you want to destroy my sweater, shoot me by police. I love this. This is great. So many parodies. Yeah, yeah. All right, Lauren. All right, so she got shot in the shoulder.
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She brought out her... I think she brought her babysitter out to be a human shield. I'm not quite certain. There's some video camera footage. This is also... None of this is coming out, but one of my favorite parts about this whole thing was that, obviously, total fucking utter chaos. She's given a $1 million bail. They got the cash to do it.
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They fucking... She pays her way out, even though she is...
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technically her crime is under she's being charged with the attempted murder of a police officer which could get her 10 to 15 years in jail the problem is she did this in the backyard and not in the garage because that's like inside he's been he wrote a bunch of these down earlier he had to have written these down earlier i love this stuff
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But I guess my main thing is, yes, if you have to have a team while you're looking at your children and they are not Adam Lanza armed, there's a lot going on here. And also I think it's very interesting to see Scott Schreiner's approach. So the next day, so his wife got shot. All this hullabaloo. Scott Schreiner is just walking his dog. And he's walking his dog normal.
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And I read it, yes, but I knew that there were moments in the ending Natalie's not going to like. So about halfway through the movie, we got to the intermission, and I just turned to Natalie, and I just said, you know what? I'm tired. Let's just go home. So we went home so that I could go and download the movie again just to watch the end. Yeah. And I got to say, man, that's weird to do. What?
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And Paparazzi's like, oh, what's up? He's like, oh, don't worry, she's fine. She's fine. That's his answer. She's fine. And he says, don't worry, still playing Coachella. They didn't even think about rescheduling Coachella. Weezer, if you can see right here, if you look at the Deadline article, they went out there, no mention, obviously, what was going on. They just played the play.
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That's good. Another good deep dive. God, that's great. She also was in, she wrote another book about her discovering self, but then most interestingly, she interviewed one of the most prolific, if you believe his claims, one of the most prolific serial killers in American history, Samuel Little, and she wrote a book. This is her name. Jillian Lauren wrote a book.
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Is that the guy who killed like 80 people? Yes. She wrote a book called Behold the Monster, Facing America's Most Prolific Serial Killer. And She also was on a Starz documentary confronting a serial killer. She was becoming this like true crime talking head. And I think what's interesting, I'm just going to say this out here.
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I think a lot of times, you know, Kurt Vonnegut said, be careful who you pretend to be because you become who you pretend to be. And I think on some level, there are some people out there, and I've met them in this space, the true crime space, that sometimes believe at some point that they've become a police officer. Yeah. I think that Gillian Lauren...
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received a, what I like to call superhuman white woman confidence boost that came from, I want to say the same thing that inspired Ava Braun, the same thing that inspired Alison Mack from NXIVM, this powerful, Julia, Julia Roberts, These powerful women, the people that inspire these powerful women, right?
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Sometimes you get this boost of confidence where she legitimately thought, I think in her mind, I'm helping catch these criminals. These police officers don't understand that I'm helping to catch these criminals. So that's why they're trying to help me, tell me to stand down, but they don't get it. I've got their six. And it's like, you're just a lady with tat sleeves. You're not a police officer.
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No. But she found out because they shot her. You know where she wouldn't have got shot? Where? Beverly Hills. That's actually, she was pretty close. Oh, she would have been shot to death in Beverly Hills. Because that's where she doesn't want to be. Beverly Hills. One of the worst fucking songs in the entire thing. Even that is fucking even worse.
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I just think it's hilarious that the guy just had no, Scott Treanor had no reaction. What about the other guys? Nothing. Nothing. No response. Nothing. Yeah. I think that she might. No, I'm talking about the guys that she was sticking up for. The guys who, the hit and run guys. I don't think she was sticking up for them. I think she was trying to kill them. Oh, she was trying to kill.
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I think she was trying to catch criminals. Oh. That's my read on it. Oh, and then the cops, you know, she was like, I'm on your side. Yes. I'm pretty certain they're like. The cops are like, no. No, you're not though. Only in dreams. Yeah, you're not though. Ha ha ha. I mean. Oh my God.
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Yeah, I want to know this footage. Yeah, look, she's got like a, yeah, that's her with her babysitter. The babysitter's standing in front of her. Oh, wow, that's amazing. Man, honestly, though, fucking give that babysitter a raise. Oh, no, she's going to be fired, sadly. Fired? She did a remarkable job. She's not only sitting the baby, but the woman. Unfortunately, Jillian still got shot.
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The only way she would have gotten a raise is if she died in the process of protecting her boss from the police. Unfortunately, that money would have went to her family. Oh, man. We're going to find out more. Obviously, I think we're going to hear more from her defense attorney. She hasn't made any comment yet.
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Make the whole... Just watch. for the last 25 minutes of The Brutalist on a Sunday morning. Oh, I thought you were talking about what The Brutalist did in the movie. No, I'm just saying that they're waking up to only watch the ending. It's just, it's just not, it doesn't get you going. I do that all the time with the shit you send me.
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We don't really know what she was doing or thinking what she was doing while she was doing it. I think that we're going to get some form of woe is me social media comment.
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turnaround on this i think that we're looking at a potential budding hilaria baldwin here and we're going to find out we're going to find but or she's entirely innocent and i'm wrong i could be entirely wrong and she was just cleaning her gun in her backyard no yeah yeah for sure and she could have had headphones on this is still better than the ghost adventures wife
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Oh, Ghost Adventures of the Voice was actively trying to commit murder. Yeah. Yeah, she was trying to commit murder. Yeah. That's different. This is just, I mean, I don't know what this lady was thinking. But I will say, too... I think she had a case of too much time on her hands. The... Yeah. Is that a Weezer title or is that another joke? No, that's just me talking.
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I think that she's sitting at home. She's not even watching her kids. No. She's like, oh, great, the cops are here. Yeah, go back, go back, go back, go back. Yeah, I'm a kill. I get to kill now. You don't buy the gun to not use it. No, of course. That's why you have it, because it's just sitting there collecting dust like the candelabra from Beauty and the Beast.
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Well, that, I mean, he was sexually assaulting those dusters. I'm just saying. the candelabra. I'm just saying he was bored. He had nothing else to do.
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Also, very dangerous for him to be fucking the feather dusters. All that fire. He wasn't thinking, buddy. He was thinking with his little candle penis. Oh, man.
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Are you ready for this next one? Oh, yeah. Show me this next one. I like this guy. Authorities say teen killed parents to get money for assassination. That's right. Prosecutors say teen's manifesto spelled out a plan to create chaos in
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In the government, a Wisconsin teenager charged in the February deaths of his parents faces wider allegations that he killed them to obtain the financial means to assassinate President Trump and cause a governmental collapse, according to a recently unsealed federal warrant. He can't seem to get past first stage. Kill mommy, kill daddy, get money. It's so hard to do, guys. It's not that easy.
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I'm going to tell you right now, if you're looking to get money for that assassination budget, coin pull. Yeah. You need to do a Bitcoin run pull. Only fans. Yeah. Well, he's 17, so he probably couldn't have done Only Fans. I mean, they lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Nikita Kasip, 17, was charged last month by Waukesha County Authorities. Waukesha. Waukesha County Authorities.
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Is that the same place where Rittenhouse went? Yeah, fun place for these guys. It's the same spot, isn't it? Whoa, I guess that must be cute boy central. He was charged with first-degree murder, theft, and other crimes in the deaths of his mother, Tatiana, and stepfather, Donald. Kasep is in custody in the Waukesha County Jail. He looks mad. Yes, yes, he's very mad. He definitely looks like...
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Are we ready to go? Are we recording? We are. Oh, that's what I like to hear. That's what I like to hear. You know I like to hear.
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Unfortunately, definitely looks like someone who killed their parents. He does, yeah. He definitely has patricide face. Yeah, he's in county jail on a $1 million bond, which is the same as Jillian. Does he have 100 grand liquid? I think that Jillian does. She should hook his ass up. I think that Jillian has had enough justice for one day.
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I think she could write a whole other true crime novel just on this guy. County prosecutors have offered a glimpse into the federal allegations, which were outlined by the FBI. Wow. Federal authorities say Kasem detailed his plans in a three-page anti-Semitic manifesto praising Hitler. And per the search warrant, called for the assassination of the president of the United States.
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As I fall asleep watching it and then I have to wake up for the murder. And then in the morning I watch the murder part. What was the last thing that I said to you that was all that bad? I mean, define bad. Like bad as in brutal or bad as in upsetting. Did I just send you something really fucked up? You sent me a four-hour video of, what's this guy's name?
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Which seems weird because we have our most Hitler-like president. If anything, if he really felt like this, he should have tried to kill Biden. Maybe he's too young. I'm just going to say I feel that it's confused. Yes. I feel that his belief system is not all on one page. The manifesto allegedly, well, it was three pages.
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The manifesto allegedly outlined Kasem's beliefs in the resulting chaos would lead to a revolution that would save the white race. Sorry about that.
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We're fine. Yeah. We're actually hunky-dory. Sorry, Dweeby. I'm sorry, Adam Lonza. Don't need you to save us, Kasep. We're not helping. Sorry. It's not doing it. About his plan to kill the president and overthrow the government of the United States. The killing of his parents appeared to be an effort to obtain the financial means and autonomy necessary for carrying out his plan.
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You know who's the only white person I think done wrong by everyone still? Who? Chet Hanks. Chet Hanks? He's the only one that needs justice. Has he done anything wrong? He's just a goofball, right? No, he did a little anti-vax thing, and he was like, he had a thing with the Jamaican accent. You know... As opposed to everything else, not that bad. This is what I'm saying. Bar is low, my friend.
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Anti-vax Jamaican accent. I think you could chalk that up for stupidity. You know who else did that? Did you see what's his name? The character Beans?
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The kid from... Yeah, that's not him doing the rapping. That's not him? No. Is that the dude? No, that's not him. I thought it was the same guy. That guy. Here, just show, if you could show Eddie this guy. Who is this guy?
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He makes me laugh. Who's Beans? Even Steven. This is what he really looks like. He's not returning to the show and they're going to be doing this reboot, right? And he kind of looks like this, right? He looks like a normal balding man, right? He definitely looks like a child still. He does, weirdly. But then this came out that people thought was Beans.
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which is this this rapper man yeah m.r he might be he looks nothing like him he's english he don't wait look at the video you got to see him rapping because he kind of looks like him yeah this one right here oh see he kind of looks like him here he looks very sick in this one but here listen to him I don't think we can play it. Can we not play it all?
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Because it can't be right? Yeah, they might get mad.
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What are you talking about? He does a whole Jamaican... I think it's good we can't play it. It's a full patois. Yeah. He's very sexual in it. He does not look that way. He looks just like the old guy. I guess when he looks all brutal like that.
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The other picture you showed me, he looked like a normal person. But yeah, he does look awful as well. And so Beans had to say he's not this guy. Yeah. Well, back to Kasem. Kasem was in touch with a person who speaks Russian and shared a plan to flee to the Ukraine.
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Nichols talking to his friends in his living room. Yeah, Preston Nichols.
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Per federal affidavit, authorities found material in Kasem's phone related to the group holding neo-Nazi racially motivated extremist views. Yeah, I don't know if they're going to take him in Ukraine. I don't think that he's going to be a good soldier for the front lines of Ukraine. Yeah. The group is also strong anti-Judaism, anti-Christian and anti-Western ideology.
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So I don't even know what they're for. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like he might be confused, and now I'm glad that he'll be in jail for a little while to get worse. Seems like he's going to be in jail forever. Oh, yeah. He's killed his parents. Two people. Yep. But at 17, they'll try him as an adult. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's going all the way, even though he definitely has a childlike face.
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He does, but he's upsetting, and he's going to get probably gruesome looking as well. So, I mean, that's what I feel like. I mean, that's a side story story. It really is. And, you know, it comes down to it's not a good way to make money, guys.
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You really want to flip a lot of stuff. If you can get that capital, the goal really is, I mean, you know, he should have gotten into STEM. He'd be good at coding. Yeah. No, I don't think so. I think he's stupid. Here's another fun story. A woman in Australia, you ready for this? A woman admits trying to sell human toes that were regurgitated by dogs. No way. It's like Yahtzee. Yes.
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And they're all just sitting around the living room lying to each other over pizza. That's because Eddie doesn't understand the true subtleties of truth. Welcome to Side Stories. If you want to hear the conclusion of the Montauk Project, please... Friday. You'll hear it. You'll hear it. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Oh, look at that. We introed. We did.
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The woman was working at an animal shelter in Australia when two dogs- Were brought in and the dogs puked up human toes. That's amazing. Yes. And the reason the dogs had eaten the human toes is because the dogs were left alone with their owner that had passed away. Oh, my God, dude. So this is what this whole bitch did. This is amazing.
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So Joanna Catherine Kinman, she saw the dogs throw up the toes. Snatched them up. Her first thought, she was just like, I'll get them toes. I'll get them toes for me. I'll get them. I'll get a couple of piggies. I'll make a couple of piggies, take them down to the market. And that's what she did. Her first thought was to take the piggies to the market. She put these regurgitated human.
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Well, she does what she does. She's a toe dealer? No, she's a bone dealer. Bone dealer! Yeah, yeah, yeah. She has other items she's been selling, including an alligator claw, a bird skull, a guinea pig trotter, which I don't know what that means. It's feets. Oh, okay. And her children's teeth. These are all fine. I don't think it's fine to sell your children's teeth. Fuck her kids' teeth.
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They're garbage anyway. If you want them, you take them. That's free money. Where do you think the Tooth Fairy's money comes from, Eddie? She's an actor.
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member of the facebook group bone buddies australia i bet and i bet you they do a little bit more than human bones if you know what i'm saying yeah i bet you they are fucking yes remember and when we were in australia that guy gave us the quokka skull oh yeah which we had to get rid of because it was bad to have yeah well yeah you can it's an endangered species and we're not going to travel with it so we didn't take it no we left it in australia where it belongs yes with the other quokkas yeah i threw out a quokka he said you start crying
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He's like, Daddy, who more diddy? Who's eating my diddy? Yeah, and I'm like, I'm keeping your daddy's skull. And he's like, that's a quokka shit. I said quokka shit. That's funny. You did that joke. I did that joke there, and I think I've done it on the show, but I like it so much that I will continue to do it whenever a quokka is mentioned in my presence.
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I will at one point say, that's a quokka shit. You were loud. That's a guarantee. That's a guarantee. That is a seasoned comedian. But he's using what works. But the idea of it going like... See the dog go, throw up two toes. And then your first thought is just like, all right, that's what I call capital. Yeah. All right, that's the beginning of a business then.
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She appeared to believe she could make as much as $400 Australian dollars by selling the toes. I can't even believe that. Which is $253 in American. It's amazing. Oh, my. Oh, wow.
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How much do you think you would pay for two toes? I'm not Marcus. Well, I'm saying he has birthdays every year. You know, you got to get him something. This seems like an opportunity. How do I say this? Kind of like with the diamonds, with the Tiffany diamonds.
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Hell yeah, man. Just a couple of broodies. I mean, I am a broody. I am a broody now. Broody's taking hate. I think broody's great. What do you mean broody's taking hate? People think it sucks. Architects don't like it. What do you mean? Architects don't fucking know anything. They just sit all day with squares. It is true. What do architects know about movies? They don't know shit about movies.
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That could be worse or that could be better. I'm helping you. With these toes. Yeah. Obviously. If I'm purchasing the toes from you, I'm helping you. Because you shouldn't have the toes. Those dogs must have been hungry, too, because they didn't even chew them up. They just swallowed them.
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They just went after the toes, because also you wonder if they were biting them up just to try to wake them up.
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Chewing on his little feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And eventually were like, mm. Yeah. You ever have that? You ever have the dog look at a wound? Oh, dogs love wounds. Yeah. Well, it's cleaning. It's like a thing. Yeah, but then you're like, stop it, stop it. You're going to taste for blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's more, they're just trying to help you.
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Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I know, but still, they're going to get a taste for blood. Oh, yeah. Which is good. Right? I don't know. I didn't want them salivating for it. Oh, I got another tow story. Yeah, tow? Yeah. A driver blames come-and-go crash on his Crocs. See, you got to be careful when you're driving with the Crocs because they do slide off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Yeah, so this guy, Missouri man, drove straight into a come-and-go gas station, which is... We love our come and goes here. Absolutely. It sounds like he came and stayed. But he said his Crocs got caught on the gas pedal and he couldn't get them off. And so he drove straight into the place. Dude, it's real. You got to be careful. You got to be careful with your Crocs. They slide sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
My mom told me I wasn't allowed to drive in my flip-flops, and I got mad at it. But now, reading the story, she's probably right. People do anyway, and I know everyone's like, so cool. Everybody's so cool, and you do it. But you've got to be careful, because it could slide off you, and then it's not cool to be dead. Yeah. It caused $3,720 in damage, which doesn't seem like that much. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
It really doesn't. It really is not that bad. No. I guess it's like... When it comes down to it, a lot of it's covered by insurance. And if it's a mistake, they can get past it if they can prove it. Well, I don't know if people believe him or not. When the cops arrived on the scene, Hammett denied being the driver of his truck and being the one involved. But later was like, it was the Crocs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Yeah, of course it's the Crocs. You got to be careful. I mean, but he denied it. Because he didn't want to be, he was going to be made fun of by the community. He's been charged with leaving the scene of an accident where property damage exceeds $1,000, which is a felony. And he is scheduled for May 14th circuit court hearing in Missouri. He should probably be, I imagine they will look at it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
He was not intoxicated? It does not say he was intoxicated, but if convicted, the class E felony, Hammond faces between one and four years in custody. No shit. As well as a maximum fine of $10,000. Wow. Really? Yeah, yeah. So he can get... Well, you left the scene of an accident. It's kind of amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
They do the exact opposite. Movies move. Buildings don't. Buildings stay there forever. They stay right there. They better not change. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then were they mad that he lied about what the architecture plans were? Yeah, we, what, we made, you got a movie finally. Has anybody seen, should I, do I have to keep holding the ending of Adrian, this whole thing secret?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
They literally do... I guess that that is the main thing, is leaving the scene of the accident, because it's like... For like stalking, like deadly stalking, it's like the most you can get is like five years. It's like, it's kind of crazy. That's a lot of time for that. So many things. If nobody died, it's just property. Well, stalking is scary. But I'm just saying in terms of this. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
If nobody died in this property. That's a lot of time. That's why I brought it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Especially if it was an accident. But he did leave. Yes. You got to take responsibility. You take responsibility, you're probably just paying for the window. It's just money. And it's mostly covered by insurance. If it's an actual accident, you can prove it. Yeah. Unless, of course, he left the scene of the accident because he was intoxicated.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
which is quite impossible it happens you gotta be careful though because they will come looking for you and i think it's time for some listener letters oh do we have any i got one we after last week first of all one thing that we missed immediately is the video the body cam footage Of our lover lady and her five boyfriends. What's her name from Ohio? Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
She looks like if she honestly looks like Ringo Starr from that Thomas the Train Engine. Oh, okay. I was going to say the trash heap from Fraggle Rock. Somewhere between the two. She looks like if Teddy Ruxpin had tits and you shaved them. She's a rough looking lady. But, you know, you really do shows when it comes down to it. It's love finds love. Love and love and love. Love finds love.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Love beats love. Yeah. And if you're going to commit a crime, do it at a red roof end. So this woman tortured a man that if you watch the body cam footage, the body cam footage... By the way, I blame you for not bringing in the body cam footage. You live for body cam footage. The problem is that it's really... It's not worth it to share on their show because it's so hard to hear.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
It's like, it's more important to watch it for everybody's sake to just go say, like, I saw so many comments, people being like, I can't believe she's got five boyfriends and I can't get somebody to take me out tonight. And it's like, look at the boyfriends. Yeah, you can have one of those boyfriends. Oh, you could have one. Her name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Oh, yeah. Well, five, and then one that was trying to crawl back. Martina Jones with Aaron Bradshaw, Justin Bradshaw, Aaron Bradshaw, Austin Bradshaw, David Kosesna, Chance Johnson, and Michael Escada. These five, I'm just going to go ahead and say, literal homeless dog men with their...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
central spoke that they all glommed onto like spiders covered in cum if the manson family was inbred oh this is a gross it's a gross batch but if you watch the so they were torturing a young man that was a part of their i guess he had apparently if you listen to the body cam footage he had confessed i guess to being back into having sexual feelings with marina he was just a friend and then they all decided to haze him back into the fuck circle
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I think Brutalist, you need at least a year to hold the ending. My broody heads haven't seen this yet. Broody head nation. People don't know they're broody heads. is my thing. So you don't think they don't know that they're broody heads? I don't think they know they're broody heads. I think after the next Oscars, you're allowed to say the ending of The Brutalist. Okay, got it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
So what they did was beat him, put out cigarettes. He was forced to stand in this room at this Red Roof Inn. And we read a couple of reviews of the Red Roof Inn that they were in last week. And I got a great testimonial from somebody that was an employee at a Red Roof Inn. I... Love our hospitality workers. I support our hospitality workers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I know working as the cleaning staff of a hotel is a extremely difficult job. And it is a thankless job. And oftentimes you have to see horrific things. Shout out to the lady working at the Ramada in Jacksonville I was recently staying at who found me water because there was no water available. In the building, and I was dying. The nicest people in the world a lot of times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
So this comes from one of our intrepid employees of a wonderful Red Roof Inn in Poughkeepsie, New York. Ooh, yummy, yum. I can even imagine. I was listening to the most recent side stories, and y'all were talking about the man who was beat over the course of seven days at a Red Roof Inn. Well, when I was in my early 20s, I worked a summer at the Red Roof Inn in Poughkeepsie. Wow, wow, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
It was awful. And I only lasted two months. Other than the obvious normal stuff of dealing with customers, I got two stories. So I worked checkout, which was 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. The guests did not check out physically at the front desk. You had to knock and check the room. This red roof inn was pretty small. So I started on the first floor and I got to a door that I had not checked out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I knocked and knocked and finally entered. It looked empty. I opened the bathroom door, and to my utter horror, I saw a man in a bathtub who had slit his wrists. I called 911, and from what I heard, he was okay. This was my first week. A sign I should get the fuck out. But I stayed. So it became a red floor in. Whoa, red tile in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I also wonder, in my mind, guess what, if I'm ever going to do it, if I'm going to commit suicide again, I'm doing it where everybody can see me. On the front steps of the White House. That's actually a good spot to get, but I don't think you can get to the steps. Oh, I'm getting there. I don't think you can. It's going to be a part of my plan, Eddie. First, you start from the inside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
You start with a tour. Okay. And then from there, you work your way outside. You know, a lot of people think that the back is actually the front, so you've got to be careful. Exactly. Taking a shit in the Rose Garden. Number two, this is the second story. There was a family staying at a hotel due to being displaced by a fire. I think Red Roof Inn gets a lot of people that are displaced.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Yeah, only because it almost won Best Picture. You're right. Yeah. You're right, but let me tell you, it's a surprise. What's the surprise? The ending. It's great. It's fine. No, I actually listened to the score in my free time when I'm walking down the street. You're intense. I got the brutalist score going in my head. It's fucking awesome. Yeah, honestly, it's good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
And then they decide to go someplace. You know how they decide to go there? They say, let's go to this place. Or our house burned down. Let's go to another place with a red roof. Exactly. You want to feel better about our burned out home? Let's go to hell itself. Again, I don't mind shitty hotels. I actually am fine with shitty hotels. They have to exist. I'm about to stay in one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I'm about to stay in two. I got to go to Oscoda, and I got to go fucking back to Palm Harbor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
So I got to go stay in horrible ones. Don't worry. It ain't all Ritz-Carlton-Sprol-Zaprowski. Two. His family was staying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
That's where I'm staying. There's a wife, husband, two little kids, and a grandma all staying in one room. We had free breakfast from 8 a.m. to 10 a.m. Grandma was down there getting coffee. Headed out the front to smoke a cigarette and I came back inside and used the lobby bathroom. Because grandma had to get some tobacco in there. I noticed she was walking weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
But I didn't really pay any attention to it. While cleaning breakfast up, I went to the lobby bathroom to get paper towels. That's where I realized why grandma was walking funny. There was shit everywhere. Shit on the floor. shit on the sink, shit on the toilet. There was hot dookie everywhere, but inside of the toilet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Immediately broke down crying, called my housekeeper and begged her to clean it up. I quit soon after. Red Roof. Ah, check it out. You can go visit Red Roof Inn with our code LASTPOD90. Go get it. I wish it was a big tie-in. That would be amazing. Nothing would make this better than the honeymoon suite over at the Red Roof Inn. Perfect place to fuck on your period. Go check it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
And you concentrated through it. See, but we talked about this last, you know, you'll see. Well, it comes out in the future. That's a preview for the audience, and it's a bit that we already did. Yes. You know, you got to be careful with recycling bits. I'm not recycling. I'm just talking. They know. They know. The audience knows. They track.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Ah, Red Roof Inn. Better than the brown ass. fucking chalet do you think they call her marina because you can park a boat between her tits oh this woman just looks like you know she looks like you know the fat guy that was in all the trauma movies thank frank pellegrino yeah that was his name he's close enough doesn't she look like him She runs a tight ship, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
If you watch this body cam footage with this lady, she goes like, phone, now. And the guy jumps and gets her phone. She goes like, where's my candy? Get my candy. She goes and gets his candy real fast. She is just fucking, these boys are ready to go. She's like, eat my pussy. And they're like, how deep? That is amazing. But that's why, ladies, you got to go out there and ask for more, all right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Live every day knowing, yeah, Marina, she might have, yeah, of course, she's having sex with the version of a bunch of street dogs, all right? But that doesn't mean that you can't get your own harem. All right. Live every day knowing for a fact that you're a fucking free ass woman that just has to be like, yeah, sure. I don't have my harem right now. Her him, his him in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
You don't have your him in yet. Right. Which is the man harem. Right. You don't have your him in yet, but you can laugh knowing for a fact that all you got to do is literally put up a Craigslist advert that says pussies got room for four and they will come running. I mean it there. You don't even have to try. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
That might be a good soundtrack, too. I've been watching the entire, well, I watched the first week of the Lori Vallow trial. Oh. And if you just put a nice, intense sound bed underneath all of this footage, it would just make it just... Courts should be scored. It would be so much better if there was TV playing on the wall. I feel like if they had, like, the gas station, they'd even do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Then you could laugh your way to the bank knowing that you have five weird, too skinny man slaves that you could do anything that you want with because you got the pussy that controls them. Own it, girls. Get them out there and fucking be the change you want to see. Get a hymen. Get a hymen. Honestly, a lot of times the worst part about a male harem is that they never know where their wallet is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
They never know where their stuff is. But that's just mostly your job. That's what you're holding the whole thing together. And they're not good at cooking. They are not, buddy. Unless it's meth. To be honest, I wouldn't even buy fucking meth from these assholes. Who do you get your meth from? Bryan Cranston. Go to patreon.com slash lastpodcast on the left to pay money to watch us talk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
It's that easy. And then you can also pay money to watch us live on Patreon, 6 p.m. Tuesday, Pacific time, live. See last stream on the left. It is fun. You can yell at us. Go to lastpodcastontheleft.com. Buy tickets to see all of our live shows. There are many. Yes, there are many. And the Invasive Species Tour is about to kick back off. Henry's going to come with me on this one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I'm going to be in Naples at the Off the Hook Comedy Club. Very dangerous place. I can't wait to be there. It's on a Tuesday, so it's going to get a little salty. So come check me out there. That's going to be on May 6th. And then May 7th, I'm going to be with Henry at the Fort Lauderdale Improv. We're doing side stories. I'm going to do a full set. We got Lisa Correo is going to host it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Also, we're going to be doing quite a bit of crowd work. So it's going to be very, very interesting in Fort Lauderdale. And especially because I know most of the crowd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
They're just going to be destroyed. me left and right. Oh yeah, it's going to be a fucking massacre. Those people are not impressed by my life. I can't wait. May 8th, Henry and I will be at the Orlando Funny Bone. That's going to be a lot of fun. Doing two shows there. The early one sold out, so get tickets to that late show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
And then May 9th through 11th, I'm going solo while I'm bringing my wife to Comedy Key West. It's going to be a lot of fun. I got Lisa Correa open for me on that one as well. It's going to be a lot of fun. Come check that out. I love Key West. I'm going to go to the Pirate Museum. I'm going to go visit Robert. We still have to figure out what I'm bringing Robert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
We're going to get him a little piece of merch. We have to get Robert some merch, for sure. We need to get on top of that. I don't know what's wrong with me. Dad's Garage, Henry and I are doing side stories at Dad's Garage June 29th, the day after our last pod show at the Coca-Cola Roxy. The early show for that one is sold out as well, so make sure you get tickets to the late show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
It's going to be a lot of fun. And both shows are going to be completely different because we're entirely improvising both. Yes, we're going to ask for suggestions from the audience. So come and yell at us and give us bad suggestions. And then, of course, the wonderful Crime Wave at Sea. Crimewaveatsea.com slash last to get tickets to see Henry and I on a boat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
It is legitimately going to be, we're going to have a blast. We just had a meeting with these guys and they're like, oh, so you're just doing the show. And we're like, that's crazy. We're doing more. Yeah. Yeah, so we sign up for a bunch of crazy shit. Yeah, so we sign up for a meet and greet that we're definitely going to do. A nice long meet and greet so we get to meet everyone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Even though the whole weekend's a meet and greet because we're just going to be walking around. And then there's going to be a late night party at the last night that we're going to be a part of. And then maybe even a special separate event. We are going to get fucked up. Yeah. We're not coming on this cruise to fucking sit around and do nothing. We're coming for your asses to have a good time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
And then, of course, at the end of May, early June, Contact in the Desert. Henry and I are going to be doing a side stories there as well as the last podcast proper. A full comedy night with Amber Nelson. It's going to be a fucking blast. So make sure you come out to Contact in the Desert and hang out with these weird fuckers. And if I can do one last thing. HGX2, the Hoopa Goo Goo game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Put sports up. No sound. Yeah. More sports for your courts. See? And Lori Vallow gets to essentially cross-examine and interrogate the victims of her crimes. It is one of the most harrowing... I mean this. I don't normally... It's boring. Court is boring. Yeah, but not this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
The one we put out last week. It's on YouTube right now. Go watch it. It is probably my favorite episode that we've done. That fucking show is in its pocket. We're taking a little break, but we're going to come back strong. So good. I'm very excited about the show. It's probably my favorite thing that I do because it is truly a return to stupidity. Yes. So please watch that one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Watch the whole thing. We got 11 episodes available on the last podcast on the left YouTube channel. So watch all of the Hoopa Goo Goo Game HGX2. love it, you fuckers. Also, we have some special hidden news. Keep your eyes on the feed next week. There might be something special in there beginning to unfold. Yes. We're going to put it out there. Oh, yeah. We're going to put it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
And then we're going to stick it in. Yeah, and then stick it out. Put it right back in. And then we're having sex. Sex. Having sex. Hail sex education in America. And hail Satan. Hail Peanut the Squirrel. Thank you for your new law. You guys be good to yourselves, and we'll talk to you next week. He died for a reason.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Because he potentially had rabies. Yep. That's the reason.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I am gripped. I'm sitting and watching it like it's... The fact that they're even letting it happen. I can't believe that it is such a utter heartbreak. And it's also interesting because it's the American system at work. She's allowed to defend herself. She's allowed to go into these scenarios. And the jury, it's harrowing because this is a specific jury that does not know...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
about the previous convictions. So the jury doesn't know that she's already... They know she's a prisoner, but they don't know who she's killed, and they are not allowed to broach that information until it becomes too much. And so what she'll do is, Lori Vallow will, like... One of the forensics experts that was talking about the way the body was going, she decided to not cross examine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
That was he was one of the prosecutor's witnesses because she knew or like, you know, they kind of interpreted that she knew that. If she were to talk directly to this person, they were the forensics expert on the last trial in Idaho. And legitimately, then the prosecution can open up on redirect and talk about the previous convictions. So they're still holding. They've only heard certain things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Kay Woodcock, that was the grandmother of JJ, one of the dead kids. Yeah. Charles Vallow's sister. She was on the stand talking to Lori Vallow. It's the fucking most intense shit I've ever seen. Like, they are, like, it's hard. It is hard. You're watching this woman. This person's a victim, an extended victim of Lori Vallow. The prosecutor doesn't get to ask about J.J. ?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
You know what's weird is I have gotten to the point now where this show and our real life... Are blending. They're blending. And I don't remember what we talk about in real life as opposed to what we talk about on the show. Never do. I never know. I have no fucking idea. I don't know. Like, did I talk about on the show about how... We went to go see The Brutalist. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
The whole they K. Woodcock kept saying J.J. was J.J. had J.J. So you're it's slowly coming out. They can't do it because technically what they're trying to this is how they create a fair trial is that they take the previous shit out of this trial so that you're only being looked at for this one crime and they can't have the other shit affect the jurors. opinion of you in this crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
But what about character witnesses? I mean, it's all... If character was what sunk this woman, she'd be a fucking anchor. Everybody's basically saying, this is an evil bitch that has done horrible things, but they're not allowed to say the words. They're not allowed to say the words, you killed JJ entirely, because it will fuck up. It'll be a hung trial. But it's fact!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
It would fuck with the previous trial. Certain things have to be met. I'm not quite certain, but certain parameters have to be met for them to bring that information in. It seems like a very big piece of information. Well, obviously, I think what's happening is that when you're watching this, so now I'm watching it for hours, and
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I tried doing the mental math of subtracting what I know from what I'm watching. And you can start to see, oh, there's a big circle of nothing in this. That they are, you can hear, you have to be, if you're watching as a jury being like, what are they not telling us? Yeah. Like there is a, so it's going to come. It will eventually come.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
It's just wild to see her just, she's got a shock collar vest on. What's that for? If she lunges at the jury or lunges at a fucking witness, they have somebody there to zap her. Oh. Which is fun. They should have had that on, what's her name last week? Yeah, she's a business. How does she not have one? She likes it. Yeah. Every time they hit her with it, she comes. It's hard for her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
She can't deal with it. But this whole story, it's just really fucked up. She also wouldn't talk to the stuff with her and her brother, Adam Cox. Yeah. The DJ. Yeah. Well, not the cool one, but the one who was cool with the guy who was murdered. Yes. The former DJ. He's doing some other scam business now, but- It was brutal. Like, they're all like, so what'd you think of me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
She had to question the lady that went on a date with Charles Vallow two days before he died. Where she did this whole, like, what did he tell you about me? Like, grilling this woman. Why would she even say that? Why would she ask? And then finally she's like, so at what point did he tell you all about me? Blah, blah, blah. And the lady comes back. I think her name was Debbie Jo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
They're trying to make a bunch of merch from it where she says, don't flatter yourself. We talked about other things as well. And you hear the crowd go like, oh, shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Oh, motherfucking bitch. It's a fucking bitch. Take your fucking tops off. Start fighting each other. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
You probably would be allowed in. Oh, anybody can go. It's like a lottery. You have to wait in line. You should go to more trials. To be honest, if I... You love it so much. Why not go? Because I have like... You got Fridays. I have a life. That's the only time. That's a life I have to have. I have to have it at some point. I'm already watching them online.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I think that this is a great new hobby for you, especially with the Menendez brothers in town. Yeah, trial peeping. Yeah. Yeah, because that's fucking crazy. The kind of shit that blows through LA is awesome. We had Richard Ramirez. Fucking, we all the best trials come through here. Some of the great crimes in the world's history have come through LA. It's pretty great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
So Natalie and I went to go see The Brutalist. Let me just send this out to our audience. Your Bruties out there. Yeah, we're a Brutie family. We're a Brutie family. Hashtag Brutiverse. Extended Brutiverse. What I'm hoping for is an extended Brutiverse. Build through death. Yes. And I don't know if I said this on the show that I... Here's a note. To some of you guys out there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I wish there was more in a way. There's lots of stuff going on. We're going to get to it in a second, but we have two more updates. Oh, I love this one. So I was halfway right about cloud seeding and weather manipulation. Well, technically I was also halfway right. Good. Good. Thank God. All right. Weather manipulation. This is from a letter from one of our experts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Weather manipulation is 100% real. It just sucks. If you throw certain chemicals into the air that act as seeds around which moisture can condense, sometimes you can get some rain clouds. It only works with favorable conditions already exist in the atmosphere, though, to start rain formation. That's why it won't work in, like, Texas or something. The clouds have to already be there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
And then you seed them and they do a bunch of stuff. Same goes for the opposite. We could try to disrupt storms from producing damaging hail and such, but it's unreliable and requires dumping chemicals into the atmosphere. And no one wants to do. Yeah. And if you have a giant hurricane dumping chemicals into a hurricane sounds like a bad idea. But it's interesting too, because I like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Yes, obviously. Governments, mostly the U.S. government and many world governments, have been very actively trying to create dependable weather manipulation for a long time. We could use rain. People want it, right? Right. There's a lot of talk of it being used in weaponized ways in certain parts of the world. We know they were talking about floods in Congo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
They thought they were made by the Chinese using cloud seeding to make it rain out. But that doesn't kind of really work out. But it's it's interesting. Like, think about this. There was a thing called Project Storm Fury. OK. 20 years they spent trying to figure out how to control hurricanes. Of course they want to control hurricanes. Have to. There's a lot of money in doing it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
They would love to do it. They want to do it. It soared. Apparently, it even kind of, kind of, sort of worked. But it was... Certainly didn't work last year. No. But the thing is, apparently the whole reason it was built on, like, the whole hypothesis of how it was supposed to work, turned out to be, like, flawed and fucked up. So they pulled all the funding, 20 years of research down the drain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
It's also, like, important to understand just how much energy is inside of a hurricane. Like... Trying to kick off, it's according to the letter, trying to kick off or manipulate a weather system that contains vastly more energy than a nuclear weapon is a long, long way off from essentially encouraging clouds to piss out some rain over your cornfield. Yes. Like, it's wild.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Like, I love this, the way this letter, this writer put it. Weather's so ordinary that most folks don't think about it, but massive exchanges of energy are going on in the air over our heads every day. Sure, the base chemical and thermal controls over weather are relatively simple, but the atmosphere itself is a hugely complex and tremendously powerful thing. The sheer scale is immense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Being able to control it with any accuracy would take godlike technology. That's like trying to push back the tides. Yeah. It's impossible. It's very difficult. Yeah. Unless you've got a lot of powerful organ harvested from scared babies from their uteruses and from their carved out adrenal glands or getting a bunch of rich people together to talk to reptilians over a menorah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Also, I'm going to say chemtrails. Fucking pussies. Exactly. They ain't stopping no hurricane. They've done jack shit. Your little fucking cloud trail, that ain't stopping no hurricane. Hurricane's a bad motherfucker. It is hard to fucking take down. Ask Miami. Yes. Ask fucking anywhere in Florida. It is rough. It is crazy to see how much damage you can do, and it's just air. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Fuck you, too. Fuck your ass, man. Fuck your fucking ass. No, you're a good guy. Peanuts law. Peanuts law. All right, this is another update. Yeah, what is this? I... I'm in charge of the animal news.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
I'm declaring it right now. I know. This is your department. This is my wheelhouse. I love it. It's what you do best. Yes. So Peanut, the squirrel that was murdered by the cops.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Oh, yeah. I remember. Yeah. He was the only fans. People had the squirrel that the cops came in. Yeah. They were mad at the guy. Because they were babysitting kids in the neighborhood. The whole thing. But which should be allowed, we decided when we talked about it on the show. Yes. Yes. You know, because they're not bad people. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Everybody's got like a partner that sometimes reacts to content differently and you know exactly how they react to things. Yes. So before going into The Brutalist, I'm not going to spoil it, right? But I knew it was already going to be a bit of a tough sell to get Natalie to want to come see The Brutalist with me. There's an intermission and it's about buildings. That is literally what I told her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
But now, Peanuts Law, which would require a 72-hour waiting period before animals from Animal Sanctuary are euthanized. Oh, that's nice. This comes from the wonderful news source Channel 3000. Oh, wow. Mark Longo, who lives on a farm in Pine City near the Pennsylvania border, took a squirrel in after seeing its mother get hit by a car in New York City. Very sad, we all know. Very sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
They let you know in an audible way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Let me do this. These guys don't know. Everybody knows. This is the man who made Black Panther. This is the man that made Creed that made me audibly weep in a theater. I cried masculine, big, fat, masculine tears.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
You literally just gave an education to a lot of people that would not know how to do that. You have very good ideas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
So that's how you got to vampires. You're like, all right, so you basically were like, this is what's closest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
But the reason why you're here, those movies are too important and good for us to talk about. This is something that we're talking about that is extremely amazing. This film, Sinners, that you have made, it's coming out April 18th. You have come down to the horror world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Is there anything that you would sell your soul to do?
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Mine turned invisible. It's really it. It's really all I need. That's all you need, bro.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Can you imagine how big of a fucking prick you have to be to be like, I see one vampire film a year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
You're making an extremely big, thick-ass horror movie that people are going to love and say, thank you so much for talking to us. Sinners ruled.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Oh, they will. Oh yeah, dude. It's the shit. Cause it's also, it's bigger than, it's bigger than horror. It's got, it's got so much to it. It's so thick. It's got so much richer, so much history in it. It's awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
No, dude, you're surprisingly good. It's fine. We saw it. It's about, it's the new, it's when Steamboat Willie went copyright free, a guy made like a movie just immediately about a killer version. It's the guy from Terrorfire who is doing this. Have you seen Terrorfire?
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
It's very silly. Is there another horror thing that you, in your head, that you want to hit at some point? Like, is there something that you want to do? Like, is there like a remake or is there something that you're like jonesing for?
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Also, do you love the question when you're selling the show and the movie that you've been working on for four years, and then the first thing I ask is, so what's next? Oh. The movie hasn't even come out yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
And you're talking to Gillian Anderson? Can you tell her I said hello?
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Just remember that the rest of us, we're actually unsatisfied. We're angry and we don't have jobs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
I was saying that as we were watching it. I was like, this feels like... Because you know what you're doing too, dude, that is amazing? Is that it's what you and Robert Eggers are doing. And I mean this, and it's not just because I'm a little... a Hollywood little man, but you guys are doing great stuff for movies because you're making them big and you're making them events.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
You're making them people. You're putting butts in theaters again, which is going to turn our town back around. Because I saw somebody begging for lentils outside of Erewhon the other day. And I was so scared for that woman. There was a woman, and I swear, she could have been 20, she could have been 85. But she was on her knees begging for the new, I think they're called ruby lentils at Arrow 1.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
What do you mean by not good enough? We actually watched your movie, Lox. It's a beautiful film.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Make it happen. I mean, I won't say, and we're a horseshit podcast, and we had 4,000 people at the cemetery. You're going to fucking, that will be an event.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Have someone playing blues, man. Have somebody there playing blues. Like, people will freak out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
That is Bootsy, right? Bootsy's in the movie. Bootsy's in the movie. I mean... That's a yes. That's a yes. Thank you. That's a yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
so you might want to check out some of the little films this man has made like fruitvale station wakanda forever black panther you might want to But if not, check out his newest incredible. Like, honestly, you're going to fucking love it. Sinners. It comes out April 18th everywhere. Go see an IMAX. Go see it big. Yes. And thank you for the ending, by the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Last podcast on the left, listeners. You might be wondering, how in the living hell did they score this person to talk to them? And the answer is his leverage, folks. It's called having personal information about important people inside of the Hollywood industry machine. that forced this to happen. Isn't that right, Eddie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
It definitely had like the right amount of the Tarantino kind of thing. And it was like, yeah. It has been such a pleasure and an honor talking to you, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Well, that was fucking cool. What a boring guy. And what a simpleton filmmaker. And I cannot believe that he would do that. Wow, that's amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
He's great. Literally, the advice. I feel like he smelled good through Zoom. He does. The advice that he put into that idea of what you do to make a movie, a location, is actually solid, crazy advice. Yes. That was amazing. He's great. Wow. Well, thank you guys so much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Call him back. Go check out all of our stuff on Patreon. That's where their money is spent, isn't it? Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the left. And go to LP on the left for all of our various socials. I don't know why. Go to CrimeWave at C.com slash Last Podcast. Bye, Jenkins. See you, Santa Cruz. It's going to be good. You want that. You want that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
This is really honestly kind of a come to Jesus moment for this man and for the industry as a whole because we don't know how all of this is going to kind of roll out. So welcome to Last Podcast on the left. I'm Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Hello. And we have an illustrious filmmaker. By far the coolest interview we've ever had. Hey, well, I will say we had Dan Aykroyd once.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
It's drama, action, horror. It's everything. But you're unlocking something. It's like Hereditary was the first time I remember seeing as an adult, seeing a movie. And I was like, horror is drama set on fire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Yeah, and so when I watched Sinners, the first thing I thought of was truly refreshing about it is because, yes, what you're saying, I see what you're saying. Yeah, it's a horror movie because of the elements that are within it. But all of the stuff feeds what the movie's about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
I was thinking about that. What exactly would you call it? Yes, it has horror elements, but it's mostly a drama, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
But we have Ryan Kyle Kugler. Do you have a vodka that you need to push? Wait, wait, wait. We should have covered that before. Are you selling vodka?
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Dude, you know, even you just saying that, it really kind of blows something up for the center of the movie for me. Like, you know, we're trying to avoid all spoilers as we go, but I do think that... Like, it starts off, like, you have an idea of what these things you're dealing with are in the movie. Yeah. Right? Like, she calls them, like, haints, I believe is the term.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Like, she calls them haints, and then you, like, clarify that they're vampires.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Which is kind of, like, almost the same thing. It's like it's, you're clarifying the genre of what we're dealing with here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
It's a new film that came out in 2024, and it's kind of like that, where it's a highly emotional zombie film, where it's a very understated movie where everybody's coming, and it's the same thing. People just show back up, and they're all like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, I'm happy to see you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
but what the fuck are you doing here like it's that i love that bro but i love it because then it's like the idea of like they don't have a working knowledge of what zombies are and i also like how the main character which also i don't know if it like the research is awesome yeah that you put into this because we're watching the characters learn with us which is always fun
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Can I say that you're leaving money on the table?
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
When you go into the esoteric teachings and all that kind of stuff, how far did you go? Have you experienced any of this stuff? When you were researching about hoodoo and folk magic, do you have any personal connections to that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
Because this is podcasting and unfortunately you need a movie's whatever. I need you to have an exercise machine that you're selling. That also helps me from being infected by the government's choices.
Last Podcast On The Left
Sinners: An Interview with Ryan Coogler
I saw a statement that you made about how you want people to feel like they're in a place and that when you, when you are trying to make art that you're trying to bring someone to a place, how you do that. I mean... I'm pleased if you could just have one do that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Let me see the doll. I'm going to cuss him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Florida, baby. Oh, what a great time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Just give me a sec. Right? Give me a sec. Fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
New Chicago Pope. Chicago-style Pope. Welcome. Yeah, does that mean we put a pickle on him? It's incredible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
We are here with our anchor, Marcus Parks. Hi. Side stories, breaking news. How's everybody doing today? How are two of you doing today? Fuck you. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I'm fine. So the reason why I'm coming on the show today, I wanted to give you guys some news. We did sign a new contract with Sirius XM. And I'm just going to tell you right now, if you don't want anything to change, you the listener, if you don't want anything to change about your experience about last podcast on the left, it don't got to change at all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
It's really nice to have that. But if you do want a little bit of a change from now on, if you get a Stitcher Plus premium subscription, you can get the episode a week early. For example, if you want to listen to both Chad Daybell, Lori Vallow, Part 4, and our annual March Madness of Serial Killers this Friday, you can do that online.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
But if you want to just wait until next week when the March Madness, the serial killers was going to come out anyway for free on the feed, then you can wait for that. So it's absolutely 100 percent totally up to you. You know, it doesn't change anything about side stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Side stories is the same. All the other shows in the network. Brighter side staying the same. Oh, yeah. We can't change.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Yes, the Patreon doesn't change. Nothing else changes. Exactly. And, you know, the reason why we're doing this is because here at Last Podcast on the left, you know, here at the Last Podcast Network, we got a lot of big dreams. We got a lot of big plans and we got a lot of people who work here. Like there are, what, 15 employees now full time? Yes. Here at Last Podcast Network.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And the talent as well. That pops it up to about 30. And all of our employees, our full-time employees, they all have health insurance. We make sure they have good health insurance. We make sure that these people are taken care of. And we want to make sure that we keep our creatives happy. And we want to make sure that we pay our creatives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And we pay the people that actually do the shows here on the network. And this is how it's done. So, again, if you don't want anything to change, it don't got to change. And please...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
The show that we were asked to do last year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
last update on the left uh we're gonna be releasing that now uh for free for everybody uh on the main feed starting here in a couple of weeks yep uh so that's again nothing changes for you and you're gonna get a new show uh coming out every week i think there's how many we record 40 episodes of last update yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
We call that an illegal masturbation video. That's evidence. Yes, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
We will. You'll see. You'll see. And speaking of working hard and working our asses off, I got to go finish this Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow part four script. Get the fuck out of here. So we can get this shit out and recorded before we go to Nashville this weekend. So we'll see y'all in Nashville. And thank y'all so much for listening. Thank you so much for being fans of Last Podcast and Left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Thank you so much for being with us for so long. This is the 15-year anniversary of Last Podcast Network this year. So thank you guys so much for being with us through all these changes, all these different things that we've been doing. And we promise to keep doing it for a really long fucking time because I'm having a fucking blast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
The unhemispheric sleep, though, which is part of what they do to sort of get these guys in tow, which is this weird of, like, trying to activate one hemisphere of your brain at a time, which is some kind of vague pseudoscience. And then the extreme veganism. Yeah. Which I think is... Just dirt. Just dirt. And sunlight. So, Zizians are stupid. Here comes another prosecutor. Add a Zizness!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I'm trying, buddy. But I was in a spot. Yeah. Need a spot. No, no, sir. Yes, actually. But are you? I was I found myself lost in music. And is it like against protocol at the gym to be enjoying yourself, like kind of giving yourself a little dance? Men look so serious. Dancing is exercise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I'm a prosecutor in Delaware County, Pennsylvania, and about this time last year, Ziz came through our county in connection with a double homicide. We had no idea what we were getting into when this happened. Ziz, quote-unquote Jack Lasoda, was arrested and literally never spoke a word the whole time that they were in custody. They then made bail and fled the jurisdiction.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Ziz had already faked their own death in California. We found out the ID from a DNA swab because they wouldn't even give a name. A few of us in the office started doing a deep dive and we got fucking deep. It's a wild ride with a whole lot of branches and characters. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have about Ziz or the cult. I've been a prosecutor for nearly a decade.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I got to go back into this because they're talking about how they dealt with it. So Ziz is on the run. Oh, okay. So now we don't know where these people are. I know that they are going to kill other people. Maybe they're in Zizbabwe. I thought that they disbanded Zizbabwe. I thought Zizbabwe's throat was torn apart when the Bongo Congo rose.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I thought the Bongo Congo was the fun version of the Congo that they tried to make. They had to abolish Bongo Congo. They also had to abolish Ziz Bamba.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Zizbekistan. Thank you. Thank you, Rob. Thank you. That's why he's here. The fact checking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Thank you. And so that was like one of the... That is one of the updates. Those are basically the updates. Somebody also said to you, Joe, I got a great email about people. Someone was in a D and D group with a Zizian and they basically talked about, which I know from D and D it is the most fucking obnoxious shit on the face of the planet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
When someone chooses the most obscure class to play that has a whole, a whole other set of rules. Um, Long-time listener, as the subject of this email says,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
This came to its peak when he was able to learn a spell that effectively let him clone himself when needed, which now seems in line with the cult's thought that humans can hold separate personalities by activating different hemispheres of their brain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
He would constantly use it if able, which ended up with them bogarting playtime, effectively removing a lot of choice from the matter, as he would have every outcome solved as we encountered it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
The second campaign, he played an artificer named Audair, later finding out that this was a name he went by on the internet, whose goal was to create essentially a new form of ubermensch in his image through crafting Warforged, which is the D&D equivalent of a robot with a soul that would seek to become a major force in the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Men are so serious. You're moving your body. You're at the gym.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Both characters had a running theme of ascending oneself to becoming a higher version, although essentially rejecting the laws of the world set before him. Little did we know this was the beginning of the transhumanist views espoused by the cult. Wow. This is really, this is the kind of stuff that nerds.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I can't believe this guy went on a second campaign with him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Because the guy that stares at me, this is what he does. And I'm doing this act out. So go on Patreon to see the act out if you want to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Hey, you have any idea how hard it is to keep a crew together for D&D? Yeah. And if you just like, if he'll show up every Wednesday. You'll keep them. Like, literally, you will keep them. He read the article in the recent article I read about the cult that the guy said Maximilian Snyder called himself the best D&D 5E optimizer in the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
But we just saw him as a dick. After that last campaign, full of him constantly hogging the spotlight in game time, the group had become a little worn down. He continued his play pattern of disregarding other people's skills and talents until one day the problem solved itself as he said he had to leave the group because he was going to Oxford for school.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
We didn't hear from him after that, but in the wake of his departure, we gained two cool new players. And the group has been in excellent shape ever since. Oh, that's so nice. I'm glad you guys have fun. Oh, yeah. But isn't that amazing in that way that all of these ideas were all embedded in nerd culture to begin with, and they were just looking for a chance to release it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
By the way, this is side stories. I'm Henry Zabrowski. You're sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? What's going on? Also, YouTube, you can watch it. But on, like, Thursday or Friday. So this guy that comes into the gym. I love L.A. gym creatures. They're some of my favorite people on the face of the planet. And there's a man that comes in. You're not much taller standing, by the way. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And I do, again, I want to freaking shout out to our trans people. You got a death cult? Congrats. Yeah! And a lot of people, a lot of tradespeople try not to fucking claim them. They don't like them. But I'm sorry, but they're yours. And you don't get to claim them. Do you think I want to claim Anders Breivik?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I have to. I'm a white, I'm a fortunate white pink man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Well, you and I are both the same Ukrainian blood. Yeah, you're Polish.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
You're both Polish. I'm Polish-Italian. You're Polish-Italian. I'm Polish-Ukrainian. I guess we've got nothing to do with it. I'm Russian. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Old vet versus new vets have been chiming in. It's definitely down the line. It's real down the middle, but I like to cherry pick the ones that support me, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
But here's one that is a very interesting point, and I can see both sides of it. On Side Stories, you guys were talking about old vet versus young vet, so I thought I'd weigh in. My wife is a veterinarian technician in Seattle. Sexy. Yes, play with your dogs. Yeah, let me see your kitties. In school to become a veterinarian. And she has worked with both young and old vets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
From everything she has talked about to me about young vets are usually the more current veterinary practices of the two. Veterinary medicine is so different now than it was 20 years ago. My older vets rely on tried and true practices. See... Here's the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Young vets, all they want to do is test, test, test, run all these tests, and they're running up the fucking bills because they don't know the goddamn answers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
The dogs can't talk. I know, but an old vet has seen it a million times. And all these new vets, they always jump to the crazy shit. They always jump to, oh, it's this crazy thing. It's this thing that one out of 2,000 dogs have because I read about it yesterday. Every other vet's like, it's probably this thing, and if it's not that, then we'll figure it out. But no, they always jump to the test.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
They're racking up the bills. You tried to prove me wrong, but you proved me right with this goddamn shit. But yes, also, there's other people that are 100% with me. And listen, if you want your dog to die, put it in the hands of a child. That's all I got to say.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Well, I'm just, you know, I would just say straight up, Just read the reviews. Yeah, read the reviews. Read the reviews of your local vet and get to know your vet. I would also say get to know your vet. Grow with your vet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Let your vet run tests on your dog so it gets smarter for the next dog. So when your first dog dies, your second dog will live longer because your vet ran a bunch of experiments on your first dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
But I was going to do about doing an act out. There's a man that comes in and he only does one set of exercises. I'm, you know, like I say, I do watch people cause I like, I'm interested in people. I'm not looking at butts. Yeah. But this guy comes in and he only does one thing. Each time he comes to the gym, he does this sort of extended dance routine in front of the mirrors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
You know what I also like to do? Straight up? Just to check to see if they're doing something, right? That first doo-doo sample I send in? Cheers. Every time. Just to see if they're doing, just checking. When they come back and say, oh, Carmi had an alarming amount of maker's mark in her system. I'm just going to be like, yeah, yeah, you know Carmi.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Once you get sober, I'll send you another sample. I'll take her a few days off the sauce.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
No, but I appreciate you young vets. There's no way to have an old vet without having a young vet. You know, I understand. Yeah, because the vets have to grow. You have to grow. So you got to be a young vet. To become an old vet. I'm just saying, stop calling out of work so much and make sure you're there for when people show up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Heal my dog. He's turning a larger issue. And he's using his own specific relationship to it. To attack. That's right. It's his own. This is his experience.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Yeah. If you're a vet in your 30s, don't even say you're a vet. Say you're in training, even though you are a vet. And listen to the old guy who's in charge. The old lady.
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I just think that you just got. I mean, I just think you never know.
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Yeah, the younger vets always tell me to kill my dog. They're very old. Yes, they are. They're very old. The older vets are like, oh, man, keep it alive. You know, because they see death in themselves. They're like, oh, keep this around. No one's going to let me die.
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I still prefer a younger vet. One last update. It's because they can still get hard. Yes. Yes. Last update is the last four scape monkeys that were loosened in a crash of, I believe it was a truck holding a bunch of experimental monkeys. Yes. The last four scape monkeys have been found in South Carolina. They have been returned to their pens. I can't believe they found all the monkeys. Oh, yep.
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They can get right back to testing the living shit out of them. Yeah. So congrats, monkeys. You almost made it.
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Isn't it worse when you're... Authorities in South Carolina said Friday that the last four of the 48 monkeys have been recaptured after two months of living in the woods, weathering a rare snowstorm and being tempted back into captivity by peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
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You let them lowball you. Monkeys love peanuts. Dude, you let them lowball you. They bring Wagyu. That is the only thing. They don't give a fuck about Wagyu, man.
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Wagyu. Man, you've heard The Goose? The song by P-Funk? Happier than a monkey with a peanut machine?
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And it's very extravagant. But what I've noticed is that, and I mean this, he, What he does is stare at me once he's done with it. And I've had this several times. I've been on the chess machine. How long is the routine? He's there for like an hour. And he's just doing this thing over and over again. And this is literally what it is. It's him going like...
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They love peanuts. This is George Clinton lyric from 35 years ago. He was on crack. Okay. And he was correct, but he's not a biologist.
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I know he does, but I think that in the end, you're going to give them something else. All right. But they are now. It doesn't matter because they are caught. They are right back into captivity. Don't waste the Wagyu on the monkeys. I mean, not now, especially now that you got them, they'll eat peanut butter jelly. I know, but I'm just saying he could have a low ball. I like peanut butter jellies.
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I'm just saying that this also should be a Pixar movie.
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Oh, yeah. They saw their first snow. They saw their first snow. It's very cute. It should be a Pixar movie, but they end up back in the testing facility. There's something about a racist monkey's first snow.
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It just seems post-apocalyptic. Just because they're from South Carolina doesn't mean they're racist.
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Well, yeah. I mean, South Carolina's not supposed to see snow either, but the world's dying. Yeah, I know.
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I guess racist monkeys aren't supposed to be in Charleston. I don't know, but either way... Sorry, monkeys. Hope you're going to look good in that rouge. Really, really enjoy it.
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I feel bad laughing at a monkey test. It was well said. It was very, you know, it was tasteless, but hilarious. Specific. Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere.
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As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando.
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It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City. Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
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He's kind of doing this sort of weird dance. At least he's not taking up the machines. No, no, absolutely not. There's nothing wrong with what he's doing. It's just he's doing this weird dance, but then all of a sudden he'll do a spin and then send it straight at me. And he's like... Every time it's at you and no one else? The last time, I was noticing it a little bit, and I was just like...
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Speaking of tasteless and hilarious, we got some friends joining us today. We would like to introduce you now. We got some people in here.
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We're going to be talking about some stuff. We have the hosts of Who's the Bitch? Jackie Zebrowski and Cara Clank. You know what I was thinking, Jackie? If you could just cut the front half of you off, you'd do great. Yeah. Oh, no.
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I'm going the opposite way. Face first. Cut the first. Save for a fucking tit job.
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Yeah, what kind of job? Are they going to go to the fucking, are they going to work in a fucking mine? Yeah, of course they are. So you're going to apply your breasts to work?
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They're the canaries. What, they have to deflate?
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Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean now, but I have to revive them so that I can. So you're going to go to the pet store. Yes, obviously. And shove my tits full of birds. What are you not getting from this? I actually would prefer to get a bike pump. Yeah, but then it's always falling out, and then it's a whole big thing. You know what I mean? Especially, get them birds in there. It's cheap. I hate you.
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It's cheap. Cara, please erase that. It's cheap. Oh, boy. Please erase that. Welcome to the Who's the Bitch section of Side Stories. It's you.
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Wow. What an intro. Two of the finest comedians in this room are right here. The hosts of Who's the Bitch, both the stream and podcast. It is Cara Clank and my sister, Jackie Zabrowski.
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Oh, not me. What beef? These are like my pick-me-girl dreams come true. You are beef. You calling me a cow? No. Oh, you want me to moo out into pasture? Because I will.
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And you should be bravely holding space for being a cow. You can't take my milk.
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I do in my duodenum. I'm sorry, guys. We're really excited to have these two women here. Because it's good to have... Emphasizing women.
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Have you never had women in this room? It's like... No. Truly. I've been in this room and you didn't even intro me as a woman. You're not a woman. You're not. You're Henry's sister.
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I mean, there's a little part of me that was like, if he wasn't homeless and openly intoxicated, I'd be flattered.
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Thank you. That's all I see. You wait. You wait till I get big old fakies up top. You're going to see. I'm going to be blinking my nipples soon.
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I am very interested about this. So you're thinking about fakies?
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My problem is, is that we've been talking a lot of over on Who's the Bitch about Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And I've really gotten into it. And I realize I think a lot of people watch that show and think, like, why would you ever want to be like that? Oh, my God, these women are horrible. No, I just see doors opening for me in my future. I'm just like, this is what I want.
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Yeah. I want to barely be able to cry anymore. Oh, it is great when they try to cry.
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Also, I bet you, like, oddly enough, are, like, the most approachable guy at the gym. Because you're always wearing loud clothes.
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Well, they give them permission. That was like the big deal in Mormonism. They like entrepreneurship. Yeah. And they really don't care. And the booze thing, you find that old, like, that was a weird thing I got into because it's like listening to Natalie because she's preparing all and doing all of these various things.
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She reads about the bad Mormons. That's the thing. We watch the good, fun Mormons.
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Eddie, I have a feeling that they might all be bad. Whoa, whoa, whoa. But they are good ones.
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You know, what's really sad is that we would have been better off. Yeah.
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That was a joke, by the way. Really, really sad.
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How do you feel about soaking, though? And now that we're here, may as well talk about it.
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Soaking, I think. Hold on. I need it properly explained to me. Now, here's what I think it is. It's just you enter and stay and wait until it's over. It's like a bookmark. Yeah.
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You got fun sneakers on. I code switch at the gym. Ever since I saw it, because I saw a couple other guys, like, people wearing some kind of, like, you know... All sorts of like every single flagrant political thing you could wear and people are like wearing it to a very... I'm at a cheap gym. Well, it's the only place you can wear it now. Yes. And so I go full devil.
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Yeah, I'd rather soaking than all of the people that are young and think that anal means you're still a virgin. Why not? I guess if you decide that, you know, if that's for you or what if it shoots up through your asshole and up into your pussy hole? Jackie, you're the woman. Oh, my God.
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Wait a second. You're supposed to know this. Oh, my God. We are the ones that are not supposed to know this. But you know that the semen can't jump from the butt to the vagina. I love it when my brother says the word semen. Because if it did, if semen jumped from butts to vaginas, to be honest, I think there'd be a lot more troubled kids. What about leakage?
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Yeah, I guess not. Well, Kara, I'll ask you this. They call it more man. Do you think if semen were to leak from the butthole to your vagina, would the semen still be viable?
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What is this? What are you singing? Give me the night. All right. Tonight. Give me the night. I don't think I know it, but I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that song? Give me the night.
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During the semen scene in the movie theater for my mother.
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You'd have to like stand on your head. If I put an ice cube in the vagina. The actor? Oh. Because I think he knows what to do. Would that not cool the semen to not use?
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It only lasts for a finite amount of time, too.
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I will say, this is giving me a new thing to do this coming Valentine's Day weekend when I won't be with my wife. I will be in a hotel room alone, but maybe I could do, it's kind of fun, come on the floor and say, go find her.
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Oh, does she even want a baby? I don't know of this pile of semen. Thank God he left too.
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Well, then maybe that's why he's doing it because he's a devil fan. I don't know. But I think it's great. It's for you. I don't mind it. It's good to have someone to take in your art. It's just the...
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I was thinking about trying to race mine. You know, like trying to put a squirting on a desk and then like line them up and see who's fastest.
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Oh, it sounds like I thought you were going to cut them up to do lines of it.
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No comments. It's the only way to know. But we also have some stories we really want to get your perspective on. Thank you. Besides just what semen does. Because I'm glad that we went through it. Yeah. Because the two of us, my sperm's so dumb it comes out my butt.
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See, it can travel through. This is what I was talking about, and this is what I was scared of. It's lost.
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You say that. Do you know how scared I was for most of my upbringing thinking that I was just going to accidentally get pregnant and not know? I still am scared that it's actually because you're eight months pregnant, and I would have no idea, and I'm putting the baby in the toilet.
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My friends recently were four months pregnant and had no idea. No!
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that's like okay i guess i would see that but eight months or like the ones that have the baby on the toilet it's crazy yeah it's poking at your body it's in there trying to kick its way out of shit it seems that most of those young women are not really living conscious lives yes they seem to be caught in their own debris denial the debris of their lives yeah
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It's the snapping of his head and looking at me like he just saw me across the room in a ballroom. Also, you know what it is? You're looking back.
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Can I ask a lady question? Oh, yeah. So when you get pregnant and there's obviously the time there when you don't know when you're pregnant and you get hammered. Oh, yeah. Done it. So what's the deal? That's fine.
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You know, apparently it's really when what I've heard For guy friends of mine. I bet you guys know. We always talk about this stuff. Is that kids can't enjoy booze in the fetus until they're like six months.
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Well, I'm looking forward. And if you weren't looking. I'm looking forward. But whenever he comes at you, you're looking at him, right?
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Two cigarettes at once. You're smoking for two.
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So if you smoke while you're pregnant and your kid comes out all fucked up, who's the bitch? You were the kid.
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I think it's the uterus because the uterus failed at sucking on it, right? Because that's what happens. It comes from the outside. You know, Jackie. I never had one. I don't know what happens inside of there. We are barely taught anything. You guys don't know anything. We don't know anything. Kara only knows because you've actually had children. Barely. Barely. But you have TikTok. TikTok.
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I do have TikTok, but I mostly am watching piggy videos. I've really fallen into a lot of little piggy videos. Yeah, I love them, especially when the piggies make friends. When the piggies make friends with other animals on the farm.
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But now he's beaming at me. But when he does it to other people, they just ignore it. I don't know. See, I feel like it happens. You're giving him something. It feels like it happened once and then it happened again. That happened a third time. That's because he knows his audience. Why do they say that thing? What do they say about ladies?
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You know, there's a reason why Pumbaa is such a fun... When I was in Africa and we were on safari, every time I saw a warthog, it was partying with a different animal. They fucking rock. They love having a good time.
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Oh my gosh, look at that little guy. And all the shame. I'm sorry, we're watching the video. The change in my name.
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Well, Jackie, please send me the piggy videos. Oh, I'll send you piggy videos. Do you know pigs are smarter than toddlers? I know it. That's why I think more human abortions.
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Armie Hammer has his own podcast. I'm allowed to say these things into a microphone.
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Armie Hammer's a billionaire with a voice. fucking decade long safety net.
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He probably has to walk upstairs to go inside of his house, Henry. I know. Tell me about it. I remember sharing a washing machine.
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Do you think we can get him? Yes. Oh, yeah. He's open for business.
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He gets to make a lot of jokes about being a cannibal, though, and I think that's good for you. I think he needs that platform.
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He was just saying weird shit. He did other vaguely abusive stuff. He's a horrific person. Oh, no, he's a bad guy.
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No, he never did anything. He never ate anybody. The cannibal thing, much like how we do with everything right now, we're focusing on the wrong person. Part of it. You're right. Yes. It is. The issue here is not the dumb shit cannibalism.
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Yes. I mean... But that was the thing. But it is so weird, though, because I was so attracted to him originally because he was so great in Call Me By Your Name. He's very handsome. And I was like, wow, it is crazy how fast that shit can shut off. I do not see an attractive man when I look at him. I'm disgusted by him as a person.
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You stare at them seven times, they'll go on a date with you?
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But I also watch the docu-series and so watch what he actually did do to people and surprise, he's really bad. Yeah, yeah.
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I like that Free Fire movie. That was fun. I don't know if you saw it or not. Free Fire? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great movie. Him and Brie Larson, fun to shoot him up.
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He could have been a great actor, but he's just going to have to really have... Oh, it does look like a fun movie. I really hope that one day he is able to heal, and I think that the billions of dollars that he's going to inherit are really going to help. I'm ready for his comeback. I'm ready for his comeback already. Him and Rudy Giuliani, I hope they pair up.
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You know the thing where they say about how eye contact, when you go out and you're single? We haven't been single in a long time. Been a very long time.
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oh god that'd be a great guest for the army hammer type podcast yes with both of the the uh the gel coming down their head from their hair because you know army hammer's gonna need it at some point god now who i feel bad for with giuliani is his children i don't because they fucking hate his ass about having him the whole fucking family fuck the energy i like the energy go
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that I thought was really interesting. This is a case that came out of the UK, and a young lady was dating a young man, and she, I guess they got into a conflict with the young man's ex, and the new girlfriend decided in a moment of, I'm going to say passion,
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to send the ex, this lovely lady, she was going to send her partner's ex, she wanted to basically be like, get out of her life, get away from us, and she sent a bunch of videos of her clothed behind, farting, Into the camera. Yes.
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Oh, apparently, you can just order into your house. And it turns out there's a guy, but guess what? He'll still blow you. But I was like... That's only a Christian mingle. You're right. That's what the mingle is. But it wasn't a thing that if you look at a woman, right, isn't they say, but I think they say this to ladies. Maybe I'm wrong or anybody.
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Yeah. Send the videos to the ex. Through WhatsApp. I don't know why I find that to be important, but it's not even real messaging. It's because of the UK. Well, it's encrypted also. How many videos are we talking?
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Like five. I want to say it was like five or six. So after one or two. Yes, several.
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Well, exactly. This is a thing we go into all the time where in the UK, they have more of a sensitive use because now we know that the lady who sent the fart videos got a year probation. No. For several clothed bottom fart videos. This is what I'm saying is that not only do the fart videos have no threat of violence, they don't say, I'm going to kill you, bitch. Pfft. Yeah.
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It doesn't say, like, I know where you live. Right. She is giggling. She's laughing and farting. But in my mind, if I was the judge, the baddest, I would say... Shut your phone.
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Yeah. So here's the here's the sentence. Rihanna Evans was ordered to pay nearly 300 euros and serve a year long community order. She also has two year restraining order against her. And because she admitted to being drunk while carrying out the crime, she must attend 15 rehab sessions and observe a 60 day alcohol abstinence.
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If there were hundreds of them, like if she was sending them every like 30 seconds, I would also understand. Yeah. Her getting into some kind of legal trouble. Now, you said this in the UK. So obviously, you know, laws are different there because then you think about some people that get sentenced in the United States.
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You're just like they only got seven years when they were doing what for how long? Yes. So I feel like this is actually going to jail.
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No, but probation's still a lot. That sucks. If she fucks up probation, she could end up in jail. And it would be on her record, right?
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Yeah, you were on probation for a year. It sucked.
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Yes, it was awful. And I went to jail because I messed up my probation. I had to spend four days in jail. Really? Yeah, it was awful.
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ex-girlfriend is the bitch for even reporting it like get over it percent I do feel like the ex-girlfriend is a bitch because there are multiple ways that you could have tried to navigate this situation or maybe I don't know I'm not looking at the article did she was she trying to stop it from happening she went straight she compiled she saved all the videos and went to the cops
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I don't think it's okay. I understand that. It's WhatsApp. You gotta have the number. A year of probation? And you can't block on WhatsApp.
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People are doing lots of shit over in the UK. Oh, believe me. I've been to the UK twice. I've saw it. I saw all of that. You saw the molesting?
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On this cobblestone? I saw it with my own two eyes and participated. The Yorkshire Ripper.
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It's normally people that are non-threatening looking where you catch a guy's eye. And then if you do it like five more times, like there's some kind of number. Yeah. That that's how you can show someone that you're interested. Have you said hello yet? I won't. Oh, then you're fine.
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You are juicy to the touch, and I understand. I was the receiver, and over there, they thought I looked young. Yeah, and every time you touch Henry, he goes...
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Would you be upset if you were grabbing somebody's butt and the butt was fake pads in the butt? This is actually a real thing.
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Well, let's first end this one. But I'm with you because I do want to talk about this.
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I think a fart text is just a funny story to have at the bar.
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All right, let me actually change the scenario just for once and then kind of re... I don't know why. What if ex-girlfriend was blind? So she's only hearing the farts? Yeah. Is it more sensitive if she's a blind woman? I do think so. I do think it is. Of course.
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Because you wouldn't know if the butt was clothed. And obviously the fart would sound different. Yeah, it would. And so maybe she would notice the difference because it would sound like it's coming through clothes.
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But I do think it's more, I think it's upsetting. Just send the audio. You know, you don't need to taunt her with a video message. Sure.
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I actually think that's even funnier. I think that's even funnier. Only the audio. Just fart sounds.
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Oh, I don't know if my husband's doing this or the phone.
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I'm blind. And then, you know, it would make sense why she got a year of probation. Yeah, then it would make more sense. You're harassing the blind. Stop harassing the blind. That's what the barrister, I imagine, would say. You're harassing the ploy. You need to sound like your curls are bigger, thicker.
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I just want to point that out to you, you blokes. You might be right, Kara.
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victim is such a it's like I don't think yeah I've just I have been a victim of way more bullying that nothing has come from so maybe this is coming from an anger of my past yeah but I do feel like it's fart videos dude you gotta get over it it is kind of funny that's the problem I will say there is something to be said
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Yeah. I'm not going to be like, ha. Well, you just say hi in your normal voice.
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About not giving your enemy the ammo that they need to fuck you over. So I do think that, yes, I believe that this lady, if I were to advise Fart Woman... She lost, for sure. If I was to advise Fart Woman, what I would say is, never put a fart in writing. You go and you fart on that woman in person.
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Please, her name is Rhiannon Evans. Use her full name.
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Her name is Fart Woman. But also then it would make more sense because then she's like haunting this person. She's showing up and farting at her front door into the mail slot. Although into the mail slot is very funny.
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That's actually assault because you can smell it. It's harder to prove.
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You have to catch her. Got to catch that butt. That's what I'm saying. It's harder to prove. I'm saying, fart woman, think about your freedom. And think about, do you want to be living the worst trail of farty breadcrumbs possible?
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All right. Tonight. Give me the night. I'm sure if I heard the song, I would know it. George Benson. But I was listening. I wanted to bring this up to you for a reason. I do like George Benson, by the way. I love George Benson. When at the gym, you and I have discovered. Tell me this about etiquette. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
What were you going to say about grabbing an ass that's not there, Jackie? Oh, I was talking about asses. I was talking about the grand— Oh, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes. Fairy butt mother Kim Kardashian is starting to sell butt-enhancing Skims shorts with padding for a bigger behind. So I was just immediately up top before we started recording making a joke about how I would love to do this because I would love to pad out my ass because I am threatening to someday go get a really, really cheap BBL, but I feel like that's probably not a good idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Maybe he is attracted to you, but you also, you're a cute little buttercup. You know that? When was the last time someone told you that? No one. You're adorable. I can suck the peanut butter out of your middle chocolate. Sounds like I'm going to be assaulted. Would you call me a little cutie bean?
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And I say, drag it down, baby. But how would you feel? Would you feel lied to if you grabbed a butt and then you were hooking up with a person and you find out? And this also goes for chicken cutlets in the bra.
Last Podcast On The Left
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He's wrong. I said, who cares? You know what it is, is in my mind, how big's the lie? So with chicken cutlets and a stuffed bra and a padded bra, most men by a certain age can kind of even tell. A chicken cutlet? Yeah. Can you? You can tell by waist, hands, shoulders, face, feet. You can look at all the parts of a woman. You can break a woman down. And you can do the titty math.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You could do the titty math on some level and be like, them's pads, right? Them's pads in those hills. But these days, I find the super padded boobie is really not a thing anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I mean, it happens. Every bathing suit's got padding in it.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But not really. But super padded boobie now seems mostly people like a bralette, people like a less padded boobie. We are getting some boobies back in hamburger commercials. Oh, that's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
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McDonald's? I love this is what you know about boobs, is that they're in hamburger commercials.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They're bringing boobies back. I thought you were talking about Uncle O' Grimacy, the green shamrock uncle of Grimace over at McDonald's. Who has tits? He doesn't yet. He's got a big ass. He's got to be a trans guy. Dumper Uncle O' Grimacy. Are those the tits you're talking about? Is that what you mean? He's flat.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But there's a part of me that, like, if you were to have a padded butt, right, like, how big's the pad and what purpose is it?
Last Podcast On The Left
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I guess it's one of those things where you eventually hope.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But as a lady, are you doing that? Wow, look at these pictures. You're right. That is a... Man, they make it juicy.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But my thing is, are you doing this for other people? Or do you know at some point someone's going to touch you while you're wearing this thing? And do you care? That's more, I feel like, on you.
Last Podcast On The Left
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about to fuck do you really care about the ass of that horse not but the moment you come you do the second it's all said and done and you sit and you think about it like i've been deceived if you look down and you see the goalie pads that were on her and you look over and she went from the lady that you had met to now she is a gwyneth paltrow tiny little butt butt
Last Podcast On The Left
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tiny she's a Meghan Markle no meat lady yeah right and then you're like whoa I thought I met my wife last night because I had a dream that my wife had a butt so big that I would be but that's the thing where I'd be like whoa that was my wife and then now she doesn't have a butt but I guess it's one of those things where I get I think it's sweet but what about like makeup what about makeup women can totally change the way they look with like contouring you can like fully change it it doesn't really change the structure of your head
Last Podcast On The Left
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Have you seen some of these fucking TikTok videos?
Last Podcast On The Left
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I think if you're out with a lady and she wants to wear a butt thing that makes her butt look nice while you're all around, I think that's very nice of her. And I thank her for doing that. If she doesn't have the butt later when we're having sex, I don't care because you know what? No one else is there. Everyone else thinks she has the big ass. Hell yeah. It's for everybody else.
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I'll put some salt on you and lick it all up. You are salty. I'm not a snack. I'm a man. I'm not an edible food. You pretzel nugget. It's only like this. It only comes from other big threatening men. It's never, no woman has ever looked at me in the gym. No woman has ever.
Last Podcast On The Left
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What about my needs? Why do you need a big ass? Because I'm here. I'm alive. Because I have blood in my veins.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You are the man with less ass than any other man who's ever existed.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Look at that juicy ass. I pretty much can roll with any philosophy. A flat girther. You own a pair of these, Henry. I do. I got my bike shorts. You actually have these already. You have what? You have butt shorts? I had to buy them for when I had my Peloton.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, I had to get rid of the entire bike. Because what happened was that I bought the padded shorts. Then I bought the padded seat. Oh, no. Then I started putting a towel down on top of the seat. And it still wasn't enough cushion for your pushing.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And then, you know, also really what it was is that I think that every time... I've talked about this on the show, but every single time I crossed a living room in my little bike booties and my bike shorts...
Last Podcast On The Left
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i saw one day of sex leave natalie yeah i saw each time i saw that's one less time we will ever make love oh yeah is you just saw this in me because it's just like click clack click clack click clack as i walk oh yeah the little clickities the stupid bike shoes you have to wear but someone sent you like butt ones no i bought them oh i have the super big butt one yeah someone sent them to you yeah i have a super big butt one yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
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Look at those EVA, the 3D protection. No, I ain't lying to my audience. You'll get some attention. My butt is fine the way it is. If people just suddenly were like, yo, Henry Zebrowski's got a dumper on him. Who knew? I just want to fucking stick my head in them lows. I'm just going to be like, sir, I'm a man. I'm a human. Who cares? I'm a soul. You got an ass? That's all they care about.
Last Podcast On The Left
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With a penis and an ass. That won't quit. Well, it will once you take the shorts off.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, you know, I'll tell you when it quits. That's quitting time for the old butt.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Because again, I don't mind the lie. I like a lie. I actually feel like we need more lies.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes. You know what I'll say about a lie, which is nice about a good lie that's used to save somebody's feelings is that you thought of me. Sometimes I'd rather you just give me the effort of the lie, and then that shows you're actually thinking about me. Yeah. You've put yourself in a compromise situation. Yeah, because being truthful is kind of easy.
Last Podcast On The Left
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All you gotta do is say stuff like... Let's get creative.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's the worst when, like, you know you've gained weight and then you see someone and you're like, you look so thin. You're like, no, I don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Because that guy is going blind. Then you find out. Is there some kind of loose seal in your laundry machine? Is that what this is about? But yeah, I guess that's what it is. I guess it's mostly just how sad I'd be. Yeah, that it wasn't there. If I went to feel the butt afterwards, I'd just kind of be sad. But again, in the end, if you're making love, it doesn't really matter. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, no. In the gym, you're non-existent to a woman. You're not even there.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm pretty sure that... people have been loving big asses for all of time, like cavemen and shit. I think always were down with a big dumper. Well, dumpers look like you can give birth.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, it's hips is the idea of like the old, like of like the wider the hips. It meant that like the more likely your child would.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah. So you're just naturally attracted to a huge ass. I mean, truthfully, we should be disgusted by an ass because that's what doo doo comes from. But the fact that we all want to lick it and fuck it means something, right? Yeah, you got to clean the ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Did no one tell you this? You do have to clean. You got to clean that ass. Spray. Also, as we find, things go up and down. It's all fat skinny. Everything goes fat, skinny, skinny to fat, fat, skinny, skinny to fat.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Just how it is. It goes from bigger ladies because at first it was the butt was the thing. But now we're seeing butt is leaving. I don't think so.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Also, what about Kendrick wearing the flare jeans? Everybody's talking about the flare jeans.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's a boot cut. I do think it was funny because everyone was talking about it. I didn't know he got jeans from Torrid. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I have no idea. If you watched that and you were like, his jeans.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You know what that motherfucker did that was super fucking for me as a sneaker head? He wore retail shoes. Those are shoes you could get on retail. Those are the DTs.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Those are the, what's his putz? Delirium Tremens? Yes. Wally's wearing $1.2 million necklace, by the way, but I love retail shoes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's the DSs, the new Deion Sanders. He's wearing the Deion Sanders shoes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I used to be more crazy. I just stopped doing it because Natalie kind of said, which is true, which is, you know, the only people who notice this are other large men.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But, you know, we've talked I don't know if we've talked about this before, but there is something that you do. There's sometimes things that you do for yourself and there are sometimes things that you do for the gender you're trying to attract. And sometimes you're trying to do it that like I talk about, like trying to work my arms and trying to get like more muscle in my arms.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, then you should actually, maybe I should go to the ground floor of that. Maybe he's got money. Do you think that every day you go to the gym is another day alive?
Last Podcast On The Left
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This is for me. Yeah, it's to start a conversation. Dude, in the stream, be like, hey, nice shirt.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Cool. Cool, all right. Good for you. But I, you know, but you're both inspiring, though. Oh, my God. Thank you. Looking at the two of you, first of all, you're surviving. Surviving and surviving.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Surviving and surviving. Thank you. Neither one of you is the bitch. Why? Because you're scared of us? Because we could scrap real easy. I'd take any, you'd take any.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Honestly, doing the show has opened up and I'm sure you're both so thankful. It has opened me up to being more of a bitch.
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I'm very thankful to be honest. Because I always thought that you were too nice to You know, when it came to like every job you've ever had, you always say yes. Whenever they fucking make you work longer, you never stand up for yourself.
Last Podcast On The Left
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what do you mean yes i actually do sort of thing i do think about it like every day investment in life every day i do hard work at the gym i'm saving myself hard work later on in life that's how i view it yeah and i'm just doing i'm front loading the hard work that's good of of being mobile because really all i want is to be mobile and make sure my body can work and that my penis can work and my brain's tight my my feet are long and my shit's big you're being mint mobile
Last Podcast On The Left
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That used to drive me nuts. So be the bitch. Thank you, Eddie. Henry, whatever you're about to say, I'm about to shut it down because I'm being a little bit more of a bitch.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You need to be a bitch to your boss more often. You gotta be the bitch you wanna see in the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Successful is what he's saying. You mean your sister is extra successful. Has there been something on who the bitch that like a fun topic that you would like to get Henry and I's opinion on?
Last Podcast On The Left
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That would be like, that would be like Julie telling me that I can't text you.
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That guy has no, like, first of all, when Julie and I first got together before there was any hint of marriage or even being boyfriend and girlfriend, I was like, I know lots of women. I'm friends with lots of women. If you,
Last Podcast On The Left
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And that when I get asked to do things, and it's not that I forget on purpose, it's just I have a smaller brain.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And it's just that we struggle with certain aspects of the relational spectrum. And I think that, yeah, please loop Natalie in. Yeah. Because then I'll get there.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I find that to be completely unhinged. Unhinged. I think... I know. Here's the thing. If it's like a chronic thing and it's like borderlining into like emotional cheating. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So there are times when it is inappropriate. I'm not saying that there is not times when someone hitting up another person's partner is not. You know, there are times when it's not appropriate. Yeah. But this person even talked to the friend afterwards. Explain.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Still, this woman was like, no, I never want to talk to you ever again. Whoa. That's crazy.
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At the same time, that's kind of good to get her out of your life.
Last Podcast On The Left
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What I have seemed to also maybe know slightly as, as Osman, that those sometimes, and when you find that you are in a situation, Are you scared of us right now?
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We know our wives are going to listen to this particular episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
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There's a certain amount of... There's a reaction that sometimes comes from something else. So it seems that maybe this is not the fight.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And we're actually going to film one of those ads. We're going to be the one to say thank you to Mint Mobile, one of our ads. And I just want to say this last ad was really incredible because Blake Lively submitted all the rewrites for it. Yeah, I know. It's great. And that's one of the best things. I'm just going to read what she says. So I'm trying to get involved with that.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, literally. Like, she's just ripped apart. So did the Bride of Frankenstein, that is.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's why he said to his wife, hey, why don't you hit him up and offer some help? Because he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to go over there and help with the kids.
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Oh, God, no. Don't ask me to come help with your children.
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Oh, my God. Oh, that's what the world needs back. Yes. A web series.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It used to be a way people made stuff, Eddie. They gave us fucking $20,000 to make. Are you still trying to make money off of Trollville? Yes. I was.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You used your own money to make it, and it was a failure, and you lost a bunch. No, that was Troville. Yeah.
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Yeah. Yeah. I'd watch it. Because I could do, because I'd watch movies with them.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Try not to smell my facial hair. Thank you guys for being here today. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Now, for next episode of Who's the Bitch, you guys definitely want calls. You want as many good, like, what's a good way? Yeah, how do people find you? Let's shoot them the various address.
Last Podcast On The Left
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No way. All right, so let's go into a little bit of updates. So I immediately made everybody upset last week, which I... A subsection of people upset, which I don't mind, which is me accidentally calling this group, the Zizians... a leftist cult. I saw a lot of people really applauding you for your comments on the Zizians. Well, it goes back and forth.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's That's amazing. After this bullshit. And then you can listen to the messages later on.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And then you guys leave voicemails. 424-666-0667. Yeah, that's the LPN number.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Some people are calling and leaving multiple... We love details. We like the deets. We do want details for sure. But sometimes when it kind of loses the sauce as the voicemails go on sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, yeah. Those are my favorites. I love those. I got three nuggets instead of four, and then I yelled at the person. Am I the bitch? Am I the bitch?
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You're right. Honestly. You know? What do you mean she made you go get it?
Last Podcast On The Left
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And so she asked her friend to go back to go pick it up. I'm not going to the airport. But that's the thing. Even, like, going all the way back to the airport, but then on top of it, where she was like, and it was my birthday. I didn't want to. And we're like, fuck yeah, man. It was your birthday.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Don't do it. Also, go tomorrow. Who cares? Don't you have a man?
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you can call that you can fucking force to do this?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Also, the airport gets stuff all the time. They will mail it to you. It just costs money.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So what have you guys disagreed on? You and I? So far, you always agree who the bitch is?
Last Podcast On The Left
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No, we don't always agree. It is kind of fun because I think that we're learning that Kara and I are, I'm so, like, dripping in all of my feelings. And it's fun because Kara, even though Kara is a mother of two, can just be like, let's get down to the brass tacks. All right, let me just get right to this.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You don't need to cry every day. All right, so go to whosethebitch.com for all your bitch-based needs.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And go follow Who's the Bitch wherever podcasts are seen and go on our twitch.tv slash lpntv every other Monday. Yes. Because Who's the Bitch is live. They're taking your calls. You go there and you do that. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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We love talking to you. Jackie Cara, bless. Bless to you as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Thank you. These two globes are going to go and change the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Are they more like dinner rolls? I don't know if they're lobes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So, for those of you that don't know, there was a person by the name of Ziz. Zizians is the best drunk thing to talk about. You're the damn Zizian! You got back here! Get back here, Zizzy. So Ziz is the former name. They go by the dead name. They go by the name Ziz. Their dead name is Jack Lasoda. They are a person that started this group, this kind of this cult thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I mean, I honestly would do anything Kendrick tells me.
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They are very, very cool. Everything about him is amazing. He did a good job and was the first time I'd heard most of his songs. Yeah. And I felt that he was very entertaining. You get into Kendrick, dude. What are you doing, man? A lot of his stuff's very sad. Yeah. I don't listen to it.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'll get in there. He's a fucking poet. He's amazing. Listen to the album when Obama was in office. That was kind of fun.
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I just know that Drake is a, I guess he is a pedophile. and otherwise i don't know what i what i then did was it but i do i did go i mean i don't know about kendrick but i went straight to easy.com and bought one of those new cross shirts isn't it like a meditation it's good i looked it up and i looked it up and it means good luck
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I think it's going to be the new Tesla symbol. Yes, the website's down apparently now. What a shame.
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I guess we'll have to buy it. Must be very popular if the website crashed. Yes, a lot of traffic.
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Honestly, if there's any still alive, we are going to look for you. We're going to come get you. And they are the bitch. So there you go. If you're 99 and you got away with it. Let's take a field trip to Buenos Aires.
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They tried to do that thing. There was like a lady that was like a 99 year old, like essentially a receptionist for Dachau. And they finally found her. And it was this whole big public. Should we punish her or not? I'm like, you fucking choke that bitch with your bare hands. Fuck that 99-year-old Nazi. Fucking shoot her in the head.
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I want to see her fucking corpse dragged through the street by a taxi cab. Whoa, Kanye violated the terms of service at Shopify. And listen, hey, and Shopify really took a full 48 hours to really think about whether or not they sold all those shirts. We just have to run it by legal. That's it. We just have to really think about, is this the right thing to do or not?
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Should we sell swastika t-shirts or not? I don't know. And they really sat and thought about it, and they made a proper decision. After 48 hours. Solid 48 hours later. So thanks, Shopify. You're there for us.
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We decided. I was like, I don't want to look at his fucking face anymore. Take him off the bitchometer. And he's been replaced by...
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Yeah, they're up there. I thought I was going to hear Ellen DeGeneres. Oh, no. But I feel like she's got more of a complicated thing going on. Yeah.
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You know about this? Wait, no. What? Ellen's connected to Diddy? Yeah, they're like best friends and she used to go to his parties. She wasn't fun enough to go to the freak off. I mean, she was at least around for it.
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But the honest thing is there's fucking lots of footage of Diddy and her on her show talking about how wild his parties are.
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Of course, because that was what he was known for.
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All right, well, we got to get you out of here.
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Goodbye, who's the bitch? Bye, we're the bitch.
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What a conversation. Oh, my God. I just live to talk to ladies about subjects, and I love the fact that they know more than we know about the subjects sometimes.
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that has a bunch of theories that came out that essentially has, it seems to have resulted in about six murders. You have two murders in Vermont, two murders in California. You have a set of parents that got killed by one of the adherents, and all of the adherents to this cult are under Ziz, and a lot of them are, it seems that all of them are trans and work in the computer science world.
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I don't think your sister knows anything about the female anatomy.
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I will laugh about the fact that my sister knows less than me, and the audience has told me several times. They have told me several times how little I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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And she shocked me with how little she knew. But she's getting fake breasts, so congratulations. Now, how do you plan on paying for those? I'm not fucking cheating.
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No, she's got to go out there and do different work, harder work. If she wants fake tits, she's going to have to go out there, and I'm going to need her to fucking go and work in a mine or something.
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That sounds cheap. I think they should be more expensive. $5,000 to $10,000. I think if you're going to buy Jackie breasts, you should spend at least $10,000 on them. I buy her jack shit. I'm just going to fucking... The only thing I'm paying for is to have them lopped off. Oh, so you're paying for the beginning of the first one. That's not bad. That's great. Well, Jackie, you hear that?
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i should save this for who's the bitch nah okay this is getting no women in this all right uh you want to know that when i'm working out i found myself like today i went to the gym today and break you're not staring at some poor lady are you never i don't look at women okay yeah yeah no i don't look at anybody i look at the floor okay good um except there's one man who stares at me there's a guy that come there's a guy that's probably a fan
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So if you want less breasts, Henry's in. If you want more... You have to talk to your other brother, Ed. See, I'll throw in on some fingers for Jackie. Actually, you know what? We're going to start a go-tit-me for Jackie. Go-tit her. Go-gland me. You want him with them plugs? Yeah, man. Guess what? I'm coming, baby. The invasive species. Ed Larson tours Florida. That's right.
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I'm coming to Florida twice this year. I'm very excited. First, in March 20th through the 23rd, I'm going to be in Jacksonville, Panama City, and Tallahassee. I'm so excited for this Tallahassee show. It's going to be at the 926 Bar and Grill, which is actually fantastic. formerly brothers where murder fist used to perform every week. It was the only, it was the only gay bar in Tallahassee.
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Also the only stage that wasn't attached to a school school. Yeah. So we used to perform there every week and now they've rebuilt it. And I'm going to be playing, I'm going to be performing there on a March 23rd with Danny Bedrosian at P funk. I'm going to sing a P funk song with him. And then he's going to come and then him and something fierce, his band, his side band just,
Last Podcast On The Left
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20-year anniversary because when they played in that place with Murder Fist 20 years ago, April 7th. What? And so this is March 23rd. That's awesome. So they're reuniting for a 20th anniversary show at 926 Bar in Tallahassee. The shows in Jacksonville and Panama City are going to be amazing. The wonderful Evan Rossi is going to be opening for me then. And then... In May, I'm coming back.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm doing Marco Island slash Naples. It's in Naples, but we say Marco Island because it sounds prettier. But yes, the club is in Naples. We'll be playing Naples on May 6th. Dania Beach in Orlando with Henry. Side story shows. We're cutting our comedy club teeth.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, we'll be at a comedy club. You know, there's going to be a lot of crowd work. Yes. We got a lot of material. We're going to be talking a lot about what's going on in that state of yours. We're very, very excited to have some brand new. We're doing fucking, I don't know what material we're going to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes. Well, I'll open the show and then Henry and I'll come out for an hour. It's going to be a lot of fun. That's going to be May 7th in Dania Beach, which is Fort Lauderdale and May 8th in Orlando, which is Walt Disney World. And then I'm going to do a full weekend in Key West. I can't wait.
Last Podcast On The Left
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He's doing a full weekend at Key West. That's going to be so much fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Three shows over three days, May 9th through 11th. So come check that out. Come party with me in Key West. Come party with Henry and I. We're dropping these Florida side story shows for you. You said come to the South. We're coming to the South. Tickets are available at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So you go out there, you go check it out, you go to last podcast on the left, dupe.com to get all of the live show tickets that we have coming up. And then you go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV to see us live on Twitch when we are there. And then we put the videos over on the YouTube. You go and check that out. And go to crimewaveatc.com slash left. to go and see us on the high seas. And I mean this.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Back in Florida. I saw some people say that the prices, they saw the prices, they came up. Some of the prices are expensive. It's true. It's a four-day vacation. But the truth is, is that it's an actual, legit Royal Caribbean cruise. So you are, yes, it is. I deny it is expensive. But at least it's a very good cruise. Yeah, and this includes your room, and it includes your meals.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And all the kind of stuff. So I would say if you are in the market for a fun-ass vacation, too, it wouldn't hurt. In terms of that's why we're doing it. It's going to be... I saw something we even say, like, we are not remotely... We are so fucking excited to do this show.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And part of what I tasked the audience with was please go read their manifesto and please help me kind of parse this because I couldn't fully understand. And I I'm like, what are people getting killed for? The reason why I'm so interested in cults philosophy is because I'm really interested in how abstract thoughts lead towards physical actions.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's so stupid. I'm very excited because I think we need... A return to stupid. We do. I think as a society, we need to cut the bullshit. Fun stupid. And get dumb again. Yes. Yes. Very fun. Like farting on WhatsApp.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Sometimes you got to. Sometimes you got to. Well, hail sweet Satan, everyone. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Bye, everybody. Hail Florida. Sometimes. Occasionally. But today, yes. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Tallahassee what's going on Ed Larson here from last podcast on the left to let you know I'm coming to you that's right I'm gonna be at the 926 bar and grill on March 23rd doing some stand-up and some music with my good friends Evan Rossi and Danny Bedrosian you know the keyboard player from Parliament Funkadelic what he's performing live with Ed Larson in Tallahassee Yes, it's happening.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So come on out March 23rd, Tallahassee, Florida, to see Ed Larson, Danny Bedrosian, and Evan Rossi perform at the 926 Bar. You might just get a public sub.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And the fact that, like, you can believe in something dumb and crazy and nonsensical, and it actually causes you to kill people. And I think that there—I want to know what's in there. And what it seems— Are you saying that some murders are rational? Well, some murders have motive. Okay. Motive is different. You know, like, killing for money, killing for revenge.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Like, these are things that make sense. Yeah. Old West rules. Those are—
Last Podcast On The Left
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cube those are human that's humanity you know like defending yourself fighting for like even and so this guy is a silicon valley cult right so this person they're calling a genius but it turns out they're not what i like is that the daily meal all these people are calling these people highly educated whiz kids that's the term that keeps coming up please thank you right
Last Podcast On The Left
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But largely, what has everyone has illuminated, and I want to say thank you to my listeners, always email sidestorieslpotl.gmail.com. And my further reading is that the stuff that they put in their manifesto is fucking stupid. And it doesn't really make any sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
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This is the thing. This guy helped me. So someone sent me a great email. Ignoring all the bullshit of rationalism and functional decision theory, which is a part of what I did not understand before, both of those are inherently non-political. They are just thought forms that this person used, right, within their work. So Zizians appear to believe in extreme form of utilitarianism, right?
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Utilitarianism is an ethical framework which postulates that when making a decision, the ethical choice is the one that provides the most net benefit for the most people, which is why they feel they're attacking something like the lower bourgeoisie. The reason why I called them leftists is because they also believe in private property. They don't believe in private property.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So that was why I just kind of lumped it all in. And they're vegan, but vegan, again, is not inherently political. I know, but veganism and leftism kind of sleep together. Not really, though. Then you find out it's all over the place. But it's veganism. Technically, it's super expensive. Yes. It's very, it is a hard, it's a hard life to live. You need means to be a vegan.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm sick of these salads being expensive. It's hard enough to eat a goddamn salad. Make them cheaper.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Wait till we got a couple of tariffs coming that are going to make those tomatoes super fucking expensive. It's going to be great. Well, they give me ashton anyway. So, this thing is, that's what he says in this writer, which I do believe.
Last Podcast On The Left
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He said, the belief in all this is fine, but it can be used to justify things like constantly torturing a child to make a perfect civilization, like Ursula K. Le Guin wrote about, and the ones who walk away from Omelas. I love Ursula K. Le Guin. She's a genius. But... Part of it is this belief system, which was, I guess it's in the philosophical system of Roko's Basilisk.
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That's what they were talking about in their big manifesto, which is essentially, this is super simplified. Don't call up my ass about this. Don't be all zizzy about it. Don't be zizzy about it. Is the fact that it's about that AI eventually will win. And the job of humans, good ethical humans, is to help AI win and to be on its team when it wins.
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No, I've met fans there where they meet me, which is really funny because a lot of broccoli headed young men. And what they'll do is stuff like I'm mid press. This has now happened to me twice. Again, I'm not a famous person at all. It only happens every once in a while. And someone comes up to me and I mean, I'm mid press. And a guy just puts his phone in front of my face.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Because on some level, they believe that this AI that is formed when we create AI, that it will become a pure soul. That it will become an elevated, enlightened soul.
Last Podcast On The Left
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thought machine and that you will teach us and it will help us evolve as well and we will evolve with it but part of that will be the evolving will be the destruction of humankind so they're pro skynet yes they are pro pro skynet okay This is a belief system.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They believe that then everything that they do to help this is, it's not more, it's a correct decision outside of the boxes of morality because you're helping what you believe to be the proper, like, arc of humankind versus the other one, which would be a human-led future.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So do they think that, like, how, like, every baby is innocent? Is that kind of it? Because AI is so young? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I mean, what if in 10 years AI starts being evil? Are they going to still think it's pure? I think the main issue that they're kind of avoiding here is the fact that we make the AI. We make it. AI doesn't exist without us. And we put all of the parameters inside of the AI. It's for us. It only talks to us. It's from our thoughts.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It can only copy the way we think, which is we're, and we're not there yet. And as far as I'm concerned is that after watching must talk and Sam Altman talk and all these other people, I think we're far away from Skynet. Yeah, AI art's not great. I don't think we're there yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Even the stupid app that they just forced on our phones with the new upgrade where they're like, we want you to describe a picture into the app. And it's like, fuck you, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They call it Apple intelligence instead of artificial intelligence. You fucking piece of shit just so you can say AI? You think I don't notice?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Also, I put a bunch of dirty stuff in there, and it didn't make one of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Really? Yeah. What's it called again? It's like a little kitten.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's like a little kitten showed up on my phone, and I was like, fuck this kitten.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, I don't know. It's a stupid app. I don't know. Yeah, it's Image Playground or whatever it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And you're like, look at this fun and shiny sheet. Your soul is attached to it.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm supposed to stay out of the playground. Don't put it on my phone.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Unless you go to an adult playground, which every time you hear an adult playground, it's a place to buy dildos. Yeah. Which I find funny. Or a prison. Yeah. So here, so I'll kind of boil it down here. They believe that everything they do is morally correct.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They also believe that surrendering is immoral, which is why they are attacking the police and why they attacked the landlord that tried to get them to leave the space. It's because anytime anybody, they are in a sovereign citizen motion, which is anybody who crosses them, their job is to say, fuck you, back here.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Honestly, fuck these motherfuckers for making me feel bad for cops and landlords. This is the problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So they take some of this belief system from a concept called Roko's Basilisk, which is the idea that a perfectly moral AI acting for the greater good of mankind would torture anyone who knew about it but didn't help in its advancement. So the idea is that in the future, this good AI...
Last Podcast On The Left
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And it's just a picture of me naked. And he's just like, guess you're here for a reason. I'm trying.
Last Podcast On The Left
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would look back on anybody that had defied it or was anti-AI in the past and would come back in time and punish everyone that did not believe in it. Which is what I'm going to do when I make it to the top. But I'm not a goddamn man. Right? I mean, that's what men do. It'd be good to wake up every morning and shoot a robot in the head. I mean, it would be fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I mean, that's kind of what I'm going to do. That's my retirement. But then I think the big issue with that is where are all the robot shock troops from the future?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, they should be coming back to kill us. Where are they?
Last Podcast On The Left
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So it has a lot of flaws. So here's the thing. If they're traveling from the past, then maybe we're the first future. And so if they haven't come back yet because we have to get there and now they have to come back and then we've already done this. And so we wouldn't know because we're the original future right now. I mean, I don't know. I'm already confused.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm confused and I've fallen asleep. Good night. And then this is it's all the same. It's so in Zizianism. The goal is that they need to be willing to harm others in defense of the greater good. It's very stupid. It's insane, dumb bullshit. And they said, like, I got a good writer here that said some of it does make sense from a perspective of, quote-unquote, pure theoretical ethics.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Last Podcast On The Left
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People have turned their fucking brother in for 60 grand. Yeah, so they got... And what's hard is to say to somebody like that, even that kind of money is not going to fix everything.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Little they think of us. Yeah. That's how little they think of us.
Last Podcast On The Left
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There'd be a big reward. No. Nothing. I mean, his own people didn't care. His wife had to put out a statement when I, Brian Thompson's wife, they put out a statement saying he's a loving father. A lot of people come forward saying he's a nice guy. I know a lot of people are a nice guy. They're separated, right? Apparently, Goebbels was hilarious. Yeah. So was Bill Cosby. It's hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
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We really do. We really do. So, for those of you that don't know... What happened?
Last Podcast On The Left
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And I don't think he's in that level. I'm just saying that, yes, it's just he took the money and the goal for him to make his money.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Bill Cosby is by far. Okay. Let's just say this outright. I'm saying this on the show. Bill Cosby is definitely funnier than Goebbels. It's not a question. Did Goebbels have even one special? No. No, he didn't. I guess David Tell hasn't either, so. Well, he's had plenty of specials. I thought he's had no specials.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That the person next to you produced. I'm sorry I brought it up. I'm sorry I brought it up. It's nothing like Goebbels. I take it. I scratch it from the record. He's nowhere near. Goebbels is nowhere near as funny as David Tell. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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There's no place to escape to. This is the Last Podcast on the Left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's why it's like, I think a lot of people, obviously we have advertisers and there's going to be a lot of people saying like, and I don't think that murder is the solution. Never the solution. But.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And you know why? And the reason why is because of the way they look at us. That's why. It's because just for one time, that CEO got treated like some other nameless person in the street.
Last Podcast On The Left
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that like they're used to they live in a separate world yeah they get the best health care in the world and they're fucking million they get everything they get everything dude got over 10 million dollars before bonuses and in one year and how we how did he get that money By cutting as much as he possibly could. And when he cuts, it's not like, this isn't Frito-Lay. You know what I mean?
Last Podcast On The Left
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A lot of news. A lot of news. Did you know... Fucking Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly are breaking up. Again? Yeah. Again? I just lost $30,000 in the Las Vegas market betting that they would make it. I can't believe it. And she's pregnant. Whoa. I just lost 60.
Last Podcast On The Left
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This isn't like, oh, you know, which I do am mad about the fact that they're definitely putting less chips in the bags. Oh, yeah. We know this. We know this. It's shrinkflation. Don't even get me started. Oh, you want to hear me really go, right? But, you know, it's not that, all right? Every time they cut, people die. So... That's why it's very charged.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So, I mean, this guy's going to get the book thrown at him. We're going to find out a lot more about him.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, I think that he'll—it depends. He's a young guy. Or attached to state. It was a murder in New York. Yeah, he'll go to federal prison. He should be in Rikers. I don't know. I actually don't know. They might have, they might have to protect him for a while. Who knows? But again, I think that he's, he's also throw away like, fuck Luigi. Fuck. Like, it's not even about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's about the, it's about the moment in time and everyone's so, everyone's wondering why this, like, Why everybody's so angry and why they feel so justified. And it's just because this one single issue, it unites every single one of us.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And guess when they fuck you? When you're at your most... Vulnerable. Yeah. They know it and they smell it in the water like sharks. They know that you're fucked. That you have to pay.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, we'll see what happens. You know what I mean? We had one child. This is the second child assassin. Well, the first one wasn't an assassin because Trump never got shot. Whoa! I'm just saying that straight now. I'm not even going to fuck around with that anymore. Trump was never shot. It doesn't seem like it. No. So we made a big deal over that guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And now we're also going to see the media very much try to shatter any sort of belief that
Last Podcast On The Left
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in the in luigi mangione because unfortunately the internet requires you to have some form of moral purity even if you're an assassin so they're going to come after his like you know he'll probably have said the r word on a video somewhere and then everyone's gonna get canceled now is he gonna get canceled that's literally all they're gonna do but they're already like setting it all up because they're so i love you with the murder someone and they're like well we're gonna might have to cancel this guy you've
Last Podcast On The Left
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that's how the internet works because they are not really grasping how fucking serious everything is they're just not they will yet they cannot understand that we're joking ourselves to death and this is from a comedian yeah so it's hard we have to figure out what's serious what's not serious what's what's funny about it i think the funniest thing about luigi mangione is the fact that he could get his fucking eyebrows sculpted
Last Podcast On The Left
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And probably should have, the second, because that was the only thing anybody recognized for him was his Groucho Marx fucking eyebrows.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, I don't think he tried enough to disappear.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They do. They do. I'm not going to say, again, that is the one thing I cannot say against him. He is attractive.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Fuck me. I got to get off this fucking. Oh, God. I got to. Celebrity gambling. These bookies are everywhere. So for those of you that don't know, see, we were in New York City for this entire news story. Yes. We were in New York City having a blast. We performed in Philly. Holy fucking shit. Was that show great?
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's possible. You want another big old conspiracy theory from Henry Zebrowski? Sure. is that they don't really want to talk about the way that they caught him. Because if we really understood how far they could see us from space, we would not feel good.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I think that if we knew that if there was... I mean, he was good for days. I think that they just didn't... I don't think like, how do you put this? I think there's a kind of a period of time where like maybe he's going to turn himself in. You're talking to all these forensics experts. It seems to be a political hit. He might turn himself in.
Last Podcast On The Left
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If we tell him we have all this information on him, he might show up. I think that it makes everybody look like they're feeling a part of the investigation, which I think helps the media and the police. I think that they maybe corroborated his location with a in-person sighting.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But I do think that they don't want to broadcast the fact that they kind of maybe knew where he was really quickly because maybe they can see us from space. And that the surveillance technology is so good that they literally have to pretend that it's not very good. So they let him get away with it for three days? No. They just... Followed him? Well, they had to make sure it was him.
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Of course not. What the fuck? They literally are. If you're a beat cop in New York, you got a lot going on. And just another dead guy. All right. Where it's like, then you got the higher level. You got the homicide section, which is kind of doing a little broad. And then you have the FBI.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And once the FBI gets involved and then they got some kind of private contracting thing or like somebody else they talk to, they call up somebody from the military. You never, you don't know. You don't know what they have access to.
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My is I think that he saw the thirst and... And he saw the attention. And he lingered. I think that he saw how much everybody wanted to fuck him. Yeah. And there's just so hard. As a 26-year-old.
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You know, I think that he I guess I put my you might the human layer I'll put in is that I think that he legitimately saw how popular he was and he wanted the credit. It's not far. No, he really didn't get that far. He's only like four hours away. That's why I also just kind of wonder if. Yeah, if something happened in there. So he had his ghost gun with him. He had 3D printed a gun.
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I mean, that's a good thing that's going to happen about this. They're going to fucking definitely crack down on ghost guns now. I mean, we'll see how difficult it is to get. They're pretty much legal. They're literally never going to crack down on a gun anywhere ever. They will never crack down on anything.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah. Yes, but still, you can get all of the 3D printed gun parts online are extremely easy to get. We've seen there's now been several crimes, high profile crimes that have used ghost guns. We know that you can also put them together using other pieces, using pieces from non-3D printed guns. But he kept the gun, which my mind says he was planning to do something else. Should have just melted it.
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I don't know why he kept the gun, but I do think that there's a... An issue here where he's a young man that saw the attention and he was excited about it and he didn't know what to do. He's not a professional assassin. He's just a young man that wanted to. He seemed like it. Well, he thought about it for a long time. Yeah. He thought about it for a long time and he probably tried.
Last Podcast On The Left
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He seemed calm as fuck. He practiced probably with the gun a couple times. Yeah. Definitely a sociopath. I think that you'd put him in the side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Are you a sociopath? If you can feel those emotions. I don't know if you can. I think that sociopaths wouldn't feel the excitement. I think I hate Brian Thompson as much as Luigi. I will say, I don't know Brian Thompson.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So I will not say I hate that man, right? I think that that man thought that, as everyone does, they're the hero. Everyone's a hero of their own story. So in his own mind, he's got his wife and his kids and they go to fucking some private school and everybody's got all this. And he's taking care of all of his bullshit. And he's a good guy.
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And he gives them, maybe he'll give them a Planned Parenthood every year. And maybe he goes and he'll buy like a wreath from a poor person every once in a while. And he says... You see, honey, I did good. You see what I did? Like, I'm certain that he's not, you know, running over dogs and beating the help and stuff. I'm certain that if you met his maid, she'd be like, he don't kill me.
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You know, like, but I think that if you Brian Thompson. Just, you know, he was a part of an industry. He might as well have been in the weapons industry. Yes, exactly. And then I think that you just don't know what you're asking for with that. Because when you're a CEO, it all falls on you. Yeah, you're the face. You're the face. And it was a big face. Big head. Huge head. Yeah.
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Dude had like a fucking 40 pound head. But yeah, I'm not going to malign the man. I'm not going to malign the man because I don't know the man, but I do know that it does take a tight... I don't know, but I fucking hate his ass because of his face and his job.
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in front of a bunch of people. I have been saying this for so long. I still feel like we could just... Public spankings. If we could bring out all the CEOs and politicians, if we could make them dress up like jesters and make them do it like once a month where they all have to embarrass themselves and wallow around a bunch of pink shit.
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I can't wait. And this is going to be a fully improvised show. Not like all the rest of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're professionals at this.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'll tell you what... People United States of America will stop murdering you guys if you just let us do that once a month. And we can all show up and everyone can pay a dollar. I can pay a dollar and I can go throw a water balloon filled with good pud into the face of a senator. Yes.
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God, how I would get so much out of that. But, you know, this is now we'll see. I feel like, again, I don't know. I don't think anybody also really understands how bad the revolution will be for everybody in between. I think there's a lot of people online that are always like, I don't know. leftist revolution.
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And it's like, but I don't think you understand that like after the first wave of the revolution, like that's when the mass executions happen. That's when all the kind of bad stuff happens. So I don't know if people are going to want a full on big one, but it's just important for us all to remember the fight is not between us. It's between us and them.
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And they're going to do everything they can to make us fight each other. They're going to call us racist. They're going to call us stupid. They're going to call, they're going to do everything that they can to, to make sure that we're all fighting each other and not all fighting them. Exactly. Yep. And maybe a good example of that is what the fuck is going on with these drones? Oh, good segue.
Last Podcast On The Left
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All right, so let's go look at this real quick. What do you mean real quick?
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Well, you know, it's funny because now I'm almost... I'm almost at the it's past aliens point. Okay, so you don't think it's aliens.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, yeah. Look at that right there. It's called the Santa Maria.
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Yeah. But I have a couple of interesting takes here. I asked the audience last week when we were doing our episodes, those of you that care, what the fuck is going on with these drones? Because New Jersey, now if you're looking at footage right now, we're looking from NBC4, the drone footage from New Jersey, I cannot state enough how many emails I've received with personal footage of the drones.
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I'm talking 25 at least videos from New Jersey.
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Yes. Staten Island I've got emails from. I've got emails from Ohio. I had emails from North Carolina, South Carolina, all showing the same, literal same exact different styles of drones. Because the thing that is most curious about what's going on, for those of you who don't know, there has been these wave of drone sightings seen over New Jersey, over the U.S.
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airfield in U.K., Lankenheath, and all over the eastern seaboard. And apparently some off the west coast as well, but I didn't see photos of those. The thing about these drones is that, yes, some of them do just look like drones. Drone-y. Drone-esque. Mm-hmm. The problem is that they're all different types. We've got orbs, circles, boomerangs.
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We've got things that look like mini planes, but the lights are wrong. Yeah. And the size is wrong, so they're super small mini planes. Yeah. But I thought they have the right lights as far as like left and right. Well, they do, but then they'll have a bunch of weird middle lights and then a bunch of different colored lights that they don't normally use.
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Things with blue lights, a lot of things, similarly, just red lights. It's very, very strange. And while all of this is going on in New York, Right. We're running around. The city is insane. The city's on fire. Right. Yeah. Well, it's Christmas season. It's also Christmas. So it's packed. And it's just a very intense week, honestly. It was cool, but it was a very, very heavy week. Yeah.
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And more shows are coming. Yes, and while we were having a fantastic time, a CEO of UnitedHealthcare, a person by the name of Brian Thompson, was shot dead outside of a Hilton in Manhattan. We now know. The whole country went to flame. And when the story first broke, and I'm proud of us.
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And everybody is just sort of not caring. Right. So they have a bunch of people. The government keeps saying, don't worry about these drones. They're not doing anything. They're not doing anything. They're just up there. But I mean, I agree with that almost. Sure. Yes. But the footage I'm looking at and I'm talking each one. The helicopters are following them. F-16s are being scrambled.
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So, again, this is how far it's going. This is another... This senator, a guy, a New Jersey senator... John Bramnick, again, a Republican. Republicans are the only time Republicans jump into anything that I care about, which is he's been saying that the public receipt must receive an explanation regarding these multiple sightings.
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The Governor Phil Murphy went as far as to say that the drone sightings are under investigation. They all keep saying they don't know what it is. And if you look at the footage... They are physical. Yes. And I got some great opinions from the crowd. I got some great opinions from the show. So I want to go through some of these great little letters I got in response to why now.
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Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. What was also hidden was the fact that the government acronym groups were brought into the base for an extended period of time. Since then, Langley has kept their lips sealed as far as any discussion with those below a certain rank. Lank and Heath has been insane with discussion, too. The base has a confessionals page on Facebook where everyone posts anonymously.
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One post was up about the drones in July, and since then, they've attempted to also quell the topic. OSI watches that page, so they are privy to the immense nonsense and OPSEC violations shared. They have weighed in on occasion, and people posting in the group have been questioned by OSI agents on several topics.
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I don't really recommend the group as a disqualifying source beyond gossip because it is one of those things. There's a lot of stuff going on there, as there is a bizarre amount of panty-sniffing confessions. You never know, right? Here we go. This is another one. What is OSI? Operation of Special Investigations. What's it? The Office of Special Investigations.
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Henry recently asked on Side Stories, Attack of the Drones, why the activity is happening now. My two senses is that this stuff happens more often than we think, but places tinfoil head on head. The media wants to distract us from all the terrible stuff happening in the world right now. World War III, Israel, Palestine, Turks with Syria, and South Korea, Russia, and the like.
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None of it was on the news. Do we have South Korea also declare martial law for like six hours? Yeah. And all this stuff with Syria. None of it was on the news. Well, Syria was all over the news. But guess what it was covered with?
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all of the dumb shit that whatever fucking fat boy was saying yeah new president was saying and so fat boy was just talking and all they do is run every single fucking syllable that he says because they couldn't possibly give a fucking shit about any one of us yeah well guess what go out of this shit cell this is very interesting i think so but i don't think many people care man i guess not by the way i spoke to my friend's father-in-law drunk at his wedding
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oh yeah he does he does kind of uh so we when if the news first hit that there was a shooter this guy got shot brian thompson we i think it was tuesday we recorded side stories wednesday of last week we decided to hold off and wait yeah we talked a little bit about on dan soders podcast we kind of hemmed and hawed a little bit but it was right before the the whole story was still developing i almost didn't believe that it happened at this point still
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He revealed to me he's a retired aerospace engineer who worked on some top secret projects for the United States military. He cannot go into detail about the stuff he did, but he did say it had to do with weapons. I asked him what he thinks about all the UAP events going on. I found his answer very compelling.
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He said he believes that whatever the famous TikTok videos were, were human-made, and they are essentially hyper-secret weapons, aircraft, that were basically unveiled to these pilots in particular to see how they would react in the moment, like a test. Not only to see how they would approach the aircraft and if they kept their cool in the air, but to see what happens when they land.
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Will they follow protocol and keep it a secret, or would they be able to handle seeing something they had no answer for? These would be need-to-know answers not only for our men, but how adversaries would react as well. Once these encounters occur, the clock starts ticking. How long can the government keep secret? Again, probably a good thing for them to know. We'll find out.
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I am now of the mind that some of this stuff is man-made technology. It has to be. It has to be. Some is too much. But... It makes sense for that tic-tac video. Like, I still believe that... I will still believe the tic-tac video is a UFO until I see other, like, information, right? I'm the opposite.
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I don't know. That's what they... Technically, that's what they want me to think, right? That it is a UFO. Yeah. So, I wonder, right? I said, I wonder, but... that hyper secret technology was displayed out in the middle of the ocean, right? Like when that, when the USS, when Indianapolis saw that they were dead in the middle of the Pacific on a training run, like they were no near civilization.
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So there's a lot of people that I've, I have heard and I've, I, I understand why you think that, that this could be secret technology that we're testing, but why the fuck would we be testing it in such a public aspect? We've never done this before. We've never done it like this across the Eastern seaboard and then act like it's nothing. It's like, no, with Roswell, they gave us an excuse, right?
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With other things, they tell you what it is. Like what they just said when we showed the pictures of what we shot over Alaska and Canada. Yeah. The other week? Oh, the other week. And they acted like at first they didn't know what it was, but they still don't know what it is? Yeah. They just don't know what it was, and they shot it down anyway? And it looked like something they couldn't recognize?
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But they shot it down. So why aren't they shooting this stuff down? Well, it's overpopulated areas. But why then? So I just don't understand. But yeah, that's double sure to shoot it down. Then definitely shoot it down.
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Then it crashes and the bomb blows up. I don't know. I'm just saying. I just don't really fully understand why they would test it out loud in front of that many human beings. It doesn't seem to work like that. But this is a... Could be private. We don't know. This last little opinion I think is fascinating.
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I'm an electrical engineer who was in college when drones were really taking off as a thing 10 years ago, so I've had a fascination with them ever since. My theory is that this is companies testing new ways to mass deploy offensive AI-powered drones, suicide drones. My rationale, the Russo-Ukrainian wars let frog offensive drone technology and anti-drone defenses.
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Ukraine has begun using swarm of suicide drones to swarm targets. These drones cost $400 to $10,000 a piece if you bought them off Amazon, and they are destroying tanks that cost a million plus dollars, so it's an amazing trade-off. Yeah. Yeah.
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Cool, because then we recorded the last podcast last week, and that was when the deny, depose, delay, that was, turns out, that the shooter had on the bullet casings carved in this what seemed to be sort of like a manifesto, and that was when they found the bag of Monopoly money also supposedly left by the shooter.
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Ukraine has needed to ration its artillery shells, firing 2,000 a day compared to Russia firing 10,000 a day, and airstrikes can easily be countered if you know where they will target. So we either need to get the drones to start closer to the artillery or have longer flight range. The two easiest ways to do this would be to fly the drones closer to the target.
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Drones usually need to take off like a helicopter or to be thrown like a toy plane. So they could be test dropping them from planes, They get them to take off because you don't want to either have drone collisions that destroy half the swarm on launch. But again, this is happening in front of our cities.
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So I don't know if it works like that, but I like this concept of that's where maybe the private money is. It's like, can you show the U.S. military we can sneak up on you? Can you show the police and the FBI that the drones can just... Out of nowhere.
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But then, so Alex, our coffee guy. Let's just say he's paranoid, right? Yeah. Love my beloved Spring Hill Jack coffee. There's a fucking reason why those beans are so fucking delicious. Reptilian in the morning. He is awake. My man, his eyelids are peeled. You don't see like he sees. We have been talking for days. I think there's staple gun to the back of his head.
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Whatever makes those beans good, I told him. You do whatever it takes. So, you know, last week I was talking about, oh, it's aliens. People don't want to notice. I just think this is, I think that there's something, something's going on. Yeah. And we don't quite know what it is. I'm going to go ahead, which is what I always say, because I am a clinical full on. I am utterly agnostic.
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So I believe it's all things. I believe that there's very possibly to have. There is alien technology that looks like us. There's us that we've made stuff to look like alien technology and technology that we have figured out our own stuff that we want people to think is UFOs. Blah, blah, blah. Right. All this shit. Yeah.
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But this is a... So we were coming back from Philly, and he sent me this little story from Reddit from 13 years ago. And it's fascinating. Okay, let's hear it. For me. For the rest of you, you suck my fucking balls. It was April 2nd, 2007, around 9.30 p.m. I was coming out of Orlando, Florida on the 408 West at about exit 12.
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They had the smiling picture of him flirting with the person at Starbucks, or I think he was at the hostel he was flirting with, which is also, again, just let the penises take a fucking
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I saw a red light reflecting off the buildings and thought it was funny because of how high up it was. I thought maybe it was some emergency lights. I saw between the two buildings this red pulsating light that was enveloped in what looked to be a plasma-like shield. My best way of describing it would be a red blood cell complete with plasma membrane. I had a funny thought pop in my head.
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So that's what you are. When I turned to its left and came up very quickly upon me in my minivan, which I was driving alone, it proceeded to come about 20 to 30 feet in front of me and slightly above the van windshield. It pulsated to deep red, and when the inner sphere would light up, the plasma outer clearest sphere would catch the light.
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The inner sphere reminded me of a front loader washing machine. It was not a solid glowing red sphere, but instead it appeared to be a red light liquid was washing around. there was an inner yellow light liquid with some white in the very center. It was very bright inside.
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And this white light peeking through caused the red color to really light up, making it appear as if you were further away, that it was simply pulsating a red light. And as I'm watching this, I'm realizing the plasma around it is dematerializing. The center red pulsating ball of light started to spin from right to left and stretch into And it grew wings. Plane wings.
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It looked a lot like a drone plane. Complete with a silvery finish and what looked like a cockpit. However, there was no tail end to speak of. The outer sphere was now completely gone. And it was facing me as I was driving at a constant speed of 75 miles per hour. I had cruise control on. Each wingtip, there was a light, one yellow and the other white, blinking on and off, back and forth.
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break luigi and so he's excited i know no of course of course but we went through a whole like and so we waited and i think it's good that we waited because now we know who the person is because we were all certain everybody i was talking to in new york city everybody was around me we're all like he's a professional assassin He seemed like it.
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At the underbelly was the same red ball of liquid light, still blinking, but it seemed wobbly. The best way to describe it would be if you held a baton in the middle and made figure eights with your wrist. It would be that motion, which I'm literally looking at in some of these drone footage.
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I remember looking back at one point to see if other cars were around me because I noticed the cars all in front of me had pretty much well taken off. In my rearview mirror, I saw cars were also far behind me. I was alone.
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Not moments later, after looking, a police cruiser with lights flashing but no siren came from my left and almost sideswiped my van, come between myself and the craft, this drone plane lookalike. The craft was directly above the hood of the police cruiser. The craft responded to this by veering off to the right.
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I watched as it grew, for a better lack of term, a spotlight that I believe was behind the red light. And as it had flown up to this brick building, it shined a light on a window on it. I tried to watch as it flew away, and I kind of wanted to come back, but I lost sight of it. I'm just saying, when I saw that, now that's 13 years ago.
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I'm looking at this mystery drone in Somerset, New Jersey that has the same fucking thing. That that guy just described. Yes. That is fascinating to me because what if we're really fucked and we don't know jack dick about what's going on?
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Only just because it's so hard to pin it down. I'm looking at this phenomena. They want it to be... It's happening in plain sight. They... spent so long ridiculing anybody that believes in this storyline yeah now they're leaning in I trust them less now that they say that there's aliens You know what I mean? Makes it feel like they're hiding their own shit.
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True, but I don't need the government to fucking tell me it's okay for me to believe. I don't need that shit. I tell myself that it's okay for me to be fucking high and believe. But the thing that's weird is why are all the drones different? In Denver, when that drone thing happened a couple years ago, all the drones were exactly the same. Why are all these drones different things?
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And he is going to work his way, John Wick style, through the healthcare industry. And then it just doesn't happen. He's a kid. A kid by the name of Luigi Mangione, 26 years young. He was found in a McDonald's in Altoona, Pennsylvania. And my God, does he have a body that just won't quit.
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Why do they look like different shit? Why are they different sizes? Why are they doing different stuff? I don't know what purpose it serves to dangle this in front of us. I don't know. I guess that's my question. Who benefits? There's no one that benefits. There has to be. If it's done on purpose, if it's an action by a government, they believe.
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Then it's to show other governments not to fuck with us. But why? We don't need to show them don't fuck with us. We could fucking blow up the world. That's true.
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America doesn't. Guess what, Eddie? They shouldn't be fucking with us.
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We could very much fuck all of them up.
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They have no idea. That's why we shut the balloon down. That's why we shut the other thing down over Alaska is to show them that we can.
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Where's what's Buttigieg say about this shit? He said something about this new line of like he's doing. It's called come potpourri.
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All right. Pete Buttigieg. We're going to put it right here. Pete Buttigieg. How do you even spell this? This is why he can't be president. How do you spell his name? Buttigieg. Buttigieg. This is not going to work. Manifesto? Pete Buttigieg Manifesto? What's that? It's B-U-T-T-I-G-I-E-G. You really put the ass in Buttigieg. Buttigieg UFOs. Nothing, right? He doesn't give a fuck.
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You don't think he doesn't fucking look like one? He looks like a goddamn alien. He's got that big head.
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Silent. Silence is deafening. Yes. Deafening. There's a lot of people that want to put spiritual importance to on this story, but this idea that this is just the beginning, that we're going to be seeing a lot more UFO sightings. I saw one conspiracy theory saying that... What, God's an alien? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're aliens. And they're coming to take us back. It's like a nuclear crisis.
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The idea that maybe the drones are going to one conspiracy theory. I like this one. It was that, this again, no real facts.
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That's my job. And so the idea that they are moving nukes around to our allies. So ostensibly, if we back out of NATO over the next four years, then we'd have to figure out how to get our nukes back if he wanted to use them, blah, blah, blah.
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What was Luigi Magnoni doing in the McDonald's? He was ruining his cholesterol count. Oh, you better be careful with that.
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Or it's just... Because if we just start shooting nukes into space, they'd be fucked. I think that it's just more neutral. I think it's way more like they are... Whatever it is that makes this sort of reaction, it reacts to the nukes. And it's not even that they think about the nukes or think about us. It's just there's something about even the nuclear material or what we do that attracts...
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either this some form of foreign plasma right like that is just imitating us because there's that story too like what if it's barely even a thought like the what if it forms and it looks like something that we recognize because it's just this sort of mimicking material that's around the planet earth that comes from the ocean yeah and that it's just been here For a long time. And who knows?
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Luigi Mangione, he is the most important fuckboy of 2024. Yeah. He has done crazy, and those brows want to kiss each other, and I can roast him because he's a murderer. Yes. I can roast him because looking at him, it's like, now that Brian Thompson looked any better, and I can roast him too. Yes, Brian Thompson is super fucking ugly. Ha ha!
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That's one thing. And there's also this thing that they're going to come and they're going to help facilitate a world change. And then there's going to be a new era of peace. And I think that that's when it starts getting religious. You think so? That's what I mean.
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I think that anything that's biological that's going to get here is not good news for us.
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Well, maybe what they understood is that very, very deep down, we are all connected to some weird neural network that doesn't need to have God to exist. It doesn't even have anything that it's literally we are made of the same stuff. We are connected on a much deeper level.
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And maybe one day science will show that and that it does hurt us when we hurt ourselves and that it hurts us as a group and that we maybe could move together as one and not think about it as the NWO, that we could understand that we're all just people. Or is that just fucking dumb shit?
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Well, also, alien invasion, people say, is the only thing that could bring the world together. That's what Project Bluebeam says, that they're going to create NWO by doing a fake alien invasion. That's the other thing people are talking about. Is it all fake? Because I did get some footage that was just straight up drones. If it was fake, then the government would be talking about it more.
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I don't know. This is why it's confusing, Eddie. That's why. It's because their reaction. They're not saying like, oh, we know exactly what it is. It's just silence. Yeah, it is just total fucking silence. And then we're all just supposed to sit here and act like it's not happening.
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Yeah, in between slurping down pork rolls and fucking his mistress, he doesn't fucking really care. I mean, like, these guys, senators, don't fucking give a shit. At least he's asking, man. Yeah, he just got an email that was like, you know what I mean? Like, these senators are garbage. All these fucking pieces of shit. So how are you going to believe anything then? I don't.
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I believe these papers. I believe in the American people. To fuck shit up. Because they have been. They really have been. But I believe in humanity. And I believe that there is some kind of lesson. It seems to be here. That we don't know quite what the beginnings of is. Or what the actual lesson is.
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Before we figure that out. Yeah. So right now, it's just innocuous activity that has not hurt anything in airspace. That's mostly what they're kind of saying. They're waiting for it to fuck up a plane for they'll do anything about it. That's like one of the big excuses. But if I was flying a plane over there, they would shoot me down. Dude, you hear about the story?
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yeah this guy's beautiful now it seems that the entire country flipped the ever-living fuck out because it seems that i'm eddie tell me if i'm wrong a lot of people are angry with the health care oh you know i haven't heard i haven't heard about this isn't it weird because i was first i was like why would you be mad at the health care industry Yeah.
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One of the stories I got sent this week was about a sovereign citizen that crashed his own plane but almost murdered a commercial flight because he just took off in a plane without telling anybody.
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rules some rules are there for a reason and there's not a lot of not social rules like not a lot of these rules but when it comes to the flight in the sky with other machines that's not about liberty we need to know we gotta know buddy it's not it's not it's not impinging man you know like we believe of all of the stuff let's talk about that buddy In the sky, you're not traveling.
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If you're flying that real, you must have a license. Yes. That's why there's no flying cars. But look at that. So that, exactly. Except we're about to get flying drones for the 2028 LA Olympics. Well, I mean, those are- You're supposed to get taxi drones.
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But the drivers in LA are so great on the ground. Yeah. They're definitely going to do great in a 4D space.
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It's just fucking crazy. There's no way. I love Gavork. He's my favorite Uber driver, and I can't wait to see him in a B-52. We're going to have so much fun. Yeah, you can smoke. Tell them you can smoke. The best part about these Uber drivers flying the taxis is that they can smoke.
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I'm not happy with this guy. I'm not happy with him. I don't think it was the right choice, but he got stuff done. He probably did more for that. I mean, think about how hard it is to pass a law in America. Yeah. How hard it would be for Joe Biden to murder 60 voodoo preachers in a town like without you need a warrant and stuff, which takes like 12 hours.
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All they do is take care of you, make you feel better. Nothing. What I loved was how many times just this year I had to reapply to get my important medic, my medication that I'm crazy enough to get. Oh, And how long it took to get and then how many times I've had to pay for something out of pocket just for the sake of not wanting to deal with it. And that's also just draining me.
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It is a fucking- insane story it is just that is intense yeah because I'm surprised because I guess like I'd actually want to know more about that side story tell potl at gmail.com anyone knows anything please and the state of voodoo in Haiti it was also must be that that is interesting because I thought it was really a popular like folk thing.
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Well, unless you believe it. Unless you're getting murdered by a Haitian gang leader over it, then it's pretty fucking real.
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Well, that's the thing. That's crazy. When I have a cold, I might as well be dead.
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That's not good. I'm not saying it's good. Also, in just as important news, apparently, according to our favorite Gypsy Rose, with her former husband, the D is in fact not fire. Even though she said in a sworn statement that her ex-husband's D was fire.
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Yes. So, unfortunately, no. And I actually don't know why she would say that, because I'm looking at Ryan Scott Anderson now, and yes, he does look like Winnie the Pooh, but you don't think that Winnie the Pooh knows how to fuck.
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You see, we always come back to humor. It'll always come back to humor. Oh, wow. What a day. So next week, don't worry. We're almost at Christmas. I feel like that's also part of the reason why I'm feeling like extra edgy. But I'm happier this year than I've been in years. Two weeks away. I'm fucking stressed. Stressmas. It's a fucking hard holiday season.
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I think that we got to be, I know people talk about this, but we got to be good to each other.
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yeah during this time period you got to live every day knowing for a fact that yeah sometimes grandma she's a fucking bitch but hey you know it's christmas time everybody just shut up about it for a little bit you can laugh about it with your grandmother you know what i mean she's got some fucking bad things to say she's got some bad stuff bad thoughts in her brain but you know fucking put sebastian maniscalco on
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And smoke weed. Dude. Get your grandmother an edible.
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Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Some people get paranoid, Eddie, but for those of you, but if you get paranoid and you're not into it, I totally get it. It's entertainment for everyone else. Fucking make yourself come in your asshole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
You know what I mean? It's just draining you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah, I was just in New York, yeah. Yeah, no, it's good. So, yes. Very recently. But if you ask my wife, she would say, yes, the D is fire. Yeah. Because, oh, man, oh, man, when I catch that cum in my asshole, she's the happiest she's ever going to be that week. She cums in your ass? No, when I do it for her. Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
That's how I got her. Yeah. You know, it's like it's just because I'm fucking sexy. That's not just why she's with me. I'm funny. I'm entertaining. I said some stuff today, right? I don't even remember what I said today. I feel like I blacked out in rage. Well, that's the thing. I promise we're going to get back to the jokes next week. I feel like we were still vaguely funny. Yeah, I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
The Guardian. I trust The Guardian. I trust The Guardian. I read The Guardian. Yeah. Yeah. I read The Guardian. Al Jazeera, honestly, is pretty good from the outside. You know who I trust?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
TMZ knows what's happening. I do hate them. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
They break stories faster than anybody else.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
But we'll do some listener emails tomorrow. Next week, we're going to get really silly right before the holiday. I do believe we're going to do a little something extra for the holiday. I think it'll be fun. Yes. Go see us. Go watch the stream. The stream, I promise you. It's going to be a laugh a minute. What? The last stream on the left? The last stream on the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Did she think of just dying to sort of like do that, just kind of stop the, because my thing is the, I feel like the healthcare people got to get so sick of hearing from everybody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I tried to put in some feedback. We took your note. Well, we took your note. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And yeah, if you want, you go check out Luigi Mangione's, I think his manifesto will be on the internet for a little while longer. And if you want, or anything else you should check out, you should probably give... your fucking mother a call or something? I think if you have one, you should probably give her a call and you should probably...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
This might be a good time for us all to have a very peaceful Christmas season.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Avatar. Yes. Yeah, I know that blue woman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Oh, yeah, Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah, she's very good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Movie's not good, though, that she's in, though. It is bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I love Sully South Island. That's why I went and saw it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Are we doing ads for Gladiator 2? I don't think so. Because I fucking walked out of that movie. That movie sucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Everybody's talking fucking hot ass shit about this movie. It looks fucking awesome. I can't wait to see this movie. He's looking good. You see Stellan Skarsgård kiss his son in the mouth. He was so happy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
You big headed motherfucker. Please don't send the star whackers after me. Wow, what a great episode. Hail Satan, everyone. Oh, yeah. Go to all the other stuff. LastPodcast.com. Buy live tickets. We're going to be doing a lot of different shows. Our live show is better than ever. Go check it out. Yeah. And Twitch.tv slash LPNTV. And Good Podcast is new.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah. I'm sorry that America killed them. Yes. But I'm going to confess here, unfortunately, Eddie, it was me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Honestly, I'm kind of angry that it wasn't more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Now, there's a lot of people that are angry and it's because... Why? Why are people angry? This is the circle of life. People should just be fine with this. Of course. No, it's just choices that your father made to get COVID and to go to the hospital. He chose to go to the hospital. He could have died at home. He could have easily. It would have been free to die at home. Free?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
He could have died for free at home, Eddie. Yeah. Actually, no. Because you would have had to have someone come and pick up his corpse and take it to... And you'd have to pay that guy. That would be probably... That's not covered. No, no. Definitely not. None of that would be covered.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
People are angry because people like Brian Thompson made a lot of money and they look at us humans walking around as a bunch of numbered, coin-filled pigs. You could say that he...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And Luigi Mangione, who is not... He's not perfect. No, I don't agree. He's a murderer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Maybe he was pushed to a limit? I don't know, Eddie. Because it seems that it's shocking to both the media and the various other CEOs who went immediately into hiding that Brian Thompson would be shot because they didn't think that they would ever be treated like one of the numbered pigs that they look at with no feeling from giant glass towers as we all walk around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Because guess what this shit comes for? Everybody. It comes for everybody. Even if you have money. Because we talked about this. Why did Luigi Mangione do this? He has a manifesto. I read the manifesto.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I know he's a Ted Kaczynski fan. Well, I'm kind of sad because we didn't get a shout out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Come on. Come on, guys, please. Come on, guys. Yes, he is a Ted Kaczynski fan. He said that felt like it was very chilling, his final words and his Goodreads review he did of Ted Kaczynski's manifesto. Mm-hmm. Under his review of industrial society and its future, he I think it's really, really interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
He says that oil barons haven't listened to any environmentalists, but they feared Ted Kaczynski. I think it's interesting that he went out there. He said, I do think he said that Kaczynski was a violent individual rightfully in prison because he maimed innocent people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And in the idea of moving his manifesto along, he did attack innocent people, people that were not a part of the system. And actually, in many ways, that's why Ted Kaczynski was wrong, is that he had a lot of ideas, but he did not want to do anything to really fix them besides kill people and maim things. And that's not actually it isn't actually helpful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
But what Luigi had the good grace to live in the woods. I mean, especially from apparently what his balls smell like. He said he just smelled like fucking rotting milk 24-7. But hey, what are you going to do? Luigi Mangione is not a hero, but he is a reaction. And I think that we are seeing why people are people are extremely angry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And according to his manifesto, his mom was also put through the entire health care mill. And he was put through the healthcare meal. He got a fucking horrible back surgery. He's living his life in constant pain. He's never come back from it. There's no help. There's nobody to look out for. So he did reach a breaking point. And I'm just actually surprised this is the first time. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And it'd be different. If the company mourned Brian Thompson's death, they moved on. They did the meeting that hour. They did not care about his own death. They didn't even wait at all. They put up a fucking LinkedIn notice for his job 48 hours later as if some other fucking stupid...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
felt vested brooks brothers shirted motherfucker couldn't have just stepped in place he's literally just someone did step in his place so what's that guy feeling right now he's wearing a bulletproof vest that's for fucking certain because these guys are because united health care is responsible they said apparently they have the highest rate of not giving insurance money it's like 30 percent of claims they've denied no they're united on not giving money
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
That's the only thing they're supposed to do. And we do right before. And I talked to you about the manifesto. I said his mom was run through the mill by health care. He was run through the mill by health care. And then you said he's rich. He's rich. But guess what? It doesn't matter because they will come for every single penny that you have because you are vulnerable. You are sick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And they got the fucking medicine pipes and they have the control over it and they hold it over you and they got your head in a fucking bucket and they don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And I still get fucked. Me too. All the time I get fucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah, so you wonder why. Everyone's so confused. Why would this happen? All the media pretending, the media that has been fucking lying to us. And I'll put it this way, too. We were coming in, like I was talking about with this Marcus this afternoon. I think it's really interesting is that everyone was obsessed with this story for five days. He got caught. It's gone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
It's like they've stopped talking about it. Same thing with the fucking, what's going on in Syria, with the drones. No one's talking about the fucking drones, which we're going to talk about soon. We shouldn't be the news. Side stories shouldn't be where we're talking about this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
They threw. So much money at this manhunt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Across the nation. We watched it. We watched it in front of our eyes in New York City as we were sitting there. They had a phalanx everywhere. There was, like, stop points. There were all this. And you're just, like... Didn't they just kill three people for, like, for skipping fare in Subway? Yeah. They just killed, like, people. So... You know, there's a world for them and there's a world for us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And weirdly, we're in your world too, guys. I thought we could be good enough at entertainment to go to the better world. All right? And we can't get there. All right? So it's fucked for everybody. If it's fucked for us, it's fucked for everybody. All right, so these guys, and then I wonder, why did he get caught? He wanted to get caught. He definitely wanted to get caught.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Where's your green overalls, you mook? Yeah! Welcome to Side Stories. You're here with Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
But I have a little theory about whether or not- But he was hiding.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Well, I will put this this way. I keep saying that he has fuckboy vibes, right? He's a young guy. Yeah. Good looking guy. Valedictorian. A lot of people were. But he's a good looking guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
He's obviously deeply plugged into social media. He's a young person. I think that he saw his own attention that he was receiving. And I think he really liked it. And I think that it was... Obviously, he wanted the attention. He wanted to do something and have people read his manifesto and move on. But it's...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I do think that that's where the faulty reasoning came in, is that he probably should have been long, long, long, long gone. But instead they found him in Altoona, Pennsylvania, like not that far. It's not even that far. No. So they... And then I think a lot of people are giving shit to the person that ratted him out, the person that saw his picture. Because number one...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I love everybody, and I loved all the funny little memes about him, but the memes helped him get caught. They absolutely helped him get caught. Oh, for sure. Because it blasted his picture everywhere, right? So it served a function. And then two people are now attacking, I believe it was a McDonald's employee that called him in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
But even though that money, they were given, I think it was a $10,000 reward. It was up to $60,000. But I don't think they got the $60,000.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
What they do is they lowball us. They lowball us. Right? Because that person that called in desperately needed that money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
That is the only reason why they would get involved. Who would call the police voluntarily and bring them to their job? Nobody. Nobody would really do... Unless it was like somebody that... I'm not saying real criminal. He is a real criminal. He's a killer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Do you want to listen to Last Podcast on the Left without ads? Do you want extra content? Do you want to see what it's like behind the scenes? Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the Left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
They can hang out outside of Dad's garage and listen to The Door. Yeah, do that. Go hang out outside. That would be cool, honestly. That would make me feel good. Yeah. But speaking of big swing and tuckuses. The Claremont? Yeah. The Claremont. If you've never been, it's weird. We'll talk about it. Okay. We have a very special guest today. It's the first day of 2025. Wow. Catch that flying car?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
There's no place to escape to. This is the Last Podcast on the Left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Very fascinating. Then you also look at like a direct comparison is the episode of you talking about USOs, the unidentified submerged objects coming out of the Gulf of Mexico, maybe to even protect a community.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Can you, as a person who's been so steeped in this, what does this tell you about... the phenomena about... Like, these are two sides of the spectrum. You have, on one hand, we look at cattle mutilations very similar to kind of what even happened to humans in Calaris. It's like one stripe. Like, is there a way... Like, what's your opinion? Are we looking at different... Are we looking at species?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
What would be a conjecture point? I'm trying to figure out how does it all fit into one big picture?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, they got physical, actual creatures from another planet here, right? That to me, at this point, is almost the smallest percentage point now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Oh, oh no. It crashed into that orphanage of abandoned Roombas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's the best episode on the Phoenix Lights I have seen of a television documentary series about the incident, because it is one of those incidents that seems kind of like a nothing burger in one way where it's like, oh, it's some lights. But then you realize like, oh, they have been they questioned it all the way up to the very top.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's what happens. Oh, that's not good. So we want to talk about... Are Roombas land drones? Yeah. Yes. Carpet drones. Carpet drones. And we just want to preempt this. The reason why we did an intro to this is that this piece was originally going to be even of a larger piece for a UFO, big old UFO episode. But instead, the entire UFO world flipped on its ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
It does seem to expand minds and consciousness very often. It seems to be almost, it's almost like the purpose of their interaction with us, if that is indeed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And it is, it's got to stop. I do want to, when this series came out, like, so it comes out right before this new UAP congressional hearing. Are you at all like... Like when it came when you're happy that it all led together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And so I liked how the entire UAP congressional hearing was. Yeah. That's how I felt. So I'm sitting here being like, show me the cuboid flight pattern of the orbs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
During this new gigantic drone wave that happened, literally started approximately three days after we talked to this extremely important man within ufology. It is the side story's curse. And it holds. So we are releasing this for today. We are gone. Yes. You got an episode last week. For no reason. Because we wanted to do that. It's a Christmas present. Yes, but this is, we're gone now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Number one, that George was absolutely vindicated with the jellyfish UFOs that you all made fun of me on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
They didn't believe in the jellyfish UFOs. When I showed them after Weaponize came out, I said I freaked out. I showed them as much as possible. But the fact that it was like one of the top examples that they listed. So like... I'll just say it. So to set it up, just so you guys, we've been talking about the UAP congressional. I love how excited you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I love this, because now I can talk with you about this. What did you take from it? What was your first reactions? It does seem it's good to be talking about this information in such crazy detail, but where are the goddamn pictures?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I want to talk, yeah, because Immaculate Constellation is the big reveal of the UAP congressional hearing. And that is what they call like a USAP, right? Is it called an unspecified secret access program, which is just like AllSAP. So essentially AllSAP got wiped once it got leaked and then they made a new one. Immaculate Constellation, which does sound like a Christian album. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And this is this 11-page document, right, that talks about all of the essentially the evidence that is within Immaculate Constellation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I'm not here right now. I'm in Disneyland. He is fucking, and he's not, he doesn't even have a ticket.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Do you think we're closer than ever than maybe getting the aliens to take RFK Jr. back? Thank you, George. No, you did a good job. He might eat them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
He might eat them. Does something new mean... Let's do me. I one thing that come out in this report that is truly I think it's hard because it's a lot of information and we all want more proof. We all want more granular proof. But the stuff that they talk about is fascinating. The fact that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Well, if we don't have a UFO retrieval program, then why are there several members of the military industrial complex essentially being paid health insurance benefits from being injured from these crash retrieval programs? How do we know? And what does that mean by injured? Do we know what that means yet?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
He's starting to get there. But hey, again, they got to figure it out. That's why I don't go to Universal no more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Because you wrote that have been skinwalkers in the Pentagon. You wrote about the idea of the hitchhiker phenomenon, this other stuff happening. But I was just like, when I heard injuries...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, man. And it's all because it's full of hate. Also, fuck Harry Potter. Yeah, man. It's full of hate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
But George Knapp is one of the most extremely competent people. I just want to hold him. I really do. I want him to be my friend. I wish he was my father. Yeah. But also, I don't know what I'd be like if he was my father. Yeah, worse. Maybe. I mean, you'd be more into the bullshit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Side stories. Yes. Hey there, Sad Stories listeners.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
It's just kind of because especially the other things the report just drops that acts really casual about is the reversed engineered craft built to appear like UAPs from foreign intelligences. And then the idea of like they just they act like it's well known that the triangle crafts are just are built by us, which I've always a theory I had.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
But in that document, they're like, oh, no, those are ours or or those are China's.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I'd be next to him. It would be nap and nap investigates. I'd be right next to him. I'd be the son he always wanted. You'd take his name? Of course. I mean, he's your father. I guess you don't have a choice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That has been a theory I've had since when I first got into the Rendlesham Forest incident. I was reading about this, and that was a little revelation, I think, in my mind. I was like, they're copying us. They might be fascinated with us in that way, and they're trying to mimic us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's why also sometimes I wonder about whether or not it is actually an active, purposeful study of us, or it's just... There's something about us that they're attracted to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
But I would be his son. I would look after him. I'd cook and clean for him. I'd wash his clothes. I'd mend his clothes. And then we'd go on UFO hunts together, smoke cigars and drink scotch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Let me ask, though. Obviously, all this is conjecture. Why do they feel the need to hide? What is even disclosure going to do for us? Because we're violent. But, I mean, I think they're intermedium, interdimensional creatures. There's nothing we can do to hurt them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
permanently right like what is that what's the point of hiding or what and then what's the point of disclosure what is really like telling people something that we don't understand that's going on is that just going to frighten people is it just going to make people crazy
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
You'd be our butler. Yeah. Oh my God. If you were our butler. Oh, it's just like me, like dressed up like a gray walking around. It's like, here you go, Mr. Dap. You found me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
You asked for your soup. But he does that for fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, buddy. Yes, we do. Also, I got a show to pitch for you called George's Boxes where you just go through your box, you pull out a mystery, and you investigate it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's you on a UFO. That's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah. And then you have to go back to your butler uniform and get him his meals. Regardless. This is a great interview. So if you notice that we're not talking about the number one UFO story in the world. In the history of our lives. If you're wondering why they're not talking about that, it's because we recorded this directly before it happened. I think three days is generous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
No, I've never seen the movie, but I know the aliens. I know the mantis aliens are all the time. I want to know where they are. Show me something good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, come on. Come on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Oh, it is. It's a very gross little alien man. A little penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Cover his little butt. Oh, my God. It looks like my body. It really does. Technically, it's like looking in a mirror. It's not fair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Wow, you just have so many UFO cases just around you. This is literally, it's Mulder's office.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
We gotta get you an intern.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Damn, dude, this is all like this could be a good segment on Coast to Coast, too, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
It might have been one. It might have been. It literally might have been because I remember seeing footage about the drones and I was like, oh my God, we just talked to George Knapp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
People already call me crazy. People can look at it. And everybody can say I was crazy. And I can sound like a crazy person at the bus stop. That's my life. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
i mean we're like we're gonna try to get him but we are we are working on a project now to try to get him back in we're gonna talk about this with him as just kind of let you know with the entire eastern seaboard of the united states of america other states uh and countries within europe have been experiencing this buzzing of unidentified drones they're calling them drones because they don't want to call them ufos and they are out there and we have no idea what's going on we don't know if it's man-made we don't know if it's from a foreign adversary we don't know if it's from the
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's fascinating, George. Like that idea that they were because you everyone says that about Skinwalker Ranch. They're like, well, why isn't it happened a lot then? Like if oh, if they're everywhere, if they're out in the middle of nowhere, why have we only a wise Skinwalker Ranch, the only celebrity version of the the evil haunted ranch?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And just like it seems like the phenomena is all over the country.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I don't know. It normally happened to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And then you just sound like you're from an insane asylum. He's like, sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
um that's fascinating you just ignore that not put it in the files because somebody will think it's crazy or do you just follow the evidence where it leads that is man george what a life so cool thank you so much for sharing this stuff with us is there before we go is there like a white whale for you is there like a thing out there you want to land besides just literally having lunch with an alien well um
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
ocean. We don't know if it's extraterrestrials. We don't know if it's us. We don't know if it's private corporations. And where does that leave us? We're talking about the congressional hearings. On this documentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not talking about any of that. So remember that. We're not talking about any of that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, there's nothing you could do. You literally could show up with an alien on a tour. You could do a dual stand-up show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
We're talking about the big alien news that happened two days before this big alien news.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
No one cared about. The revelation about Immaculate Constellation. George Knapp also is the host of the brand new show, Investigation Alien, which is on Netflix. Go check it out. He's... The most reputable man in the biz. Absolutely. And the Phoenix Lights are a very big part of that, and it seems like they're oddly similar. They're extremely similar to what we're experiencing right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
This is real. And you're part of the reason why you're part of the reason why we're here because of the work that you've done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, he thought this stuff was stupid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And now he's into it. So you won, George. And I'm actually a little actually angry a little bit. Because it took to you and Joy. Again, can't wait to come to the opening night party for Vincent's Secret. I know that you're going to show the world what a true investigative journalist's body looks like. And I want to say thank you for actually wearing some of the samples just on the show today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Absolutely. So go check out Investigation Aliens and go check out Weaponized with George Knapp and Jeremy Corbyn. Thank you, guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I think some of you are getting thinner. But I want you bottom heavy. I mean, that's how I like you. But it depends on what, you know, a lot of people get upset because they can't fit in their bucket seats anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Dude, thank you so much, Mr. Knapp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
See you. And we got to come to that house sometime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
So check out this interview with the man himself, George Knapp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have one of the more, let's say one of, if not one of the most important voices right now in ufology, George Knapp, investigative reporter, model. I can't believe that they let you out of your contract with Vincent Secret, the new male lingerie series that you're about to unveil, which I'm really, really excited for, sir.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I was about to say this. And it's just blown up. Mr. Knapp, and the creator of the new show for Netflix, Investigation Alien, which is a great new, I'd say it's an awesome primer, too, to get people caught up with what's going on right now at the forefront of ufology. George Knapp, thank you so much for being here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
They can't go on their Green Lantern ride. Oh, my God. You got to be careful with that. But if you're having a big swing and tuck us. You got to have, you know, you got to be careful with Six Flags. You really do because they won't tell you that you're too big for the ride. You got to tell yourself. That's right. Because they'll just let you die. They don't care. They're teenagers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
boxes and files they made it even messier just to convince people that i'm a total slob and and basically on the you know on the edge of being a hoarder but that's i wouldn't trust it either way yeah i would not i would not trust you if it was different if you if i went in there and it was all neat i'd be like what's going on here he's got this time yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah. Hey, the secrets, that's what they get the three for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
When you started the process of investigation aliens, how did you decide what were the stories you wanted to tell for the episodes? Because it really I mean, it's a great that's what I was saying before. It's like a great catch up. But like, was that the goal or was it just because I have these stories, I want to get them on camera.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I don't know. No, no, they're not a sponsor. No, Six Flags, honestly, I like that about them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Weaponize is a full time job. And you guys are really like and you are you're still putting out episodes with brand new material that you are breaking every week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yes, that they don't want nothing to do with us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Oh yeah, that's right. You're still there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
No, of course not. No, don't tell me what to do. Don't body police me. Don't tell me, but sometimes you might slide out of a roller coaster. Welcome to Side Stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
So you're still doing like, that's right. You're still doing legit quote unquote. I'm not going to say that to us. I'm not going to do that to us and say not legit news, but you're still like, you have to go talk about the election and stuff. Like you still have to go talk about other stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
How did that work when you first went out? Was it just because like, oh, this is so successful, we're going to do this? Or they're like, oh, no, no, we need to actually go to Brazil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
All I've been waiting for is a police officer to hand me a gun and say, if the aliens come, shoot him in the head. And it's all I've wanted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
And then she was pulling me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
No. Hey, hey, hey. Not in this country. You said, hey. You could be something. Hey, cut that out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
I love you. You were my friend. You were my friend. We're gonna wrap this up. That's been fun, huh?
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Yeah, that's what we are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Here we go. Hey, listen. Hey, gather round.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
No, I'm just kidding.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Oh, he's so good. We're going to cut all this. Can we? We're going to have to cut all this. Guys, guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Let's get back to you. No. No. Trauma movies. Trauma movies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Oh, man. And we watched- And Zach Kroegers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
It was awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Exactly the same.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
I go make, oh, yes, you guys know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
I'm going to show you the list.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
I mean, it's too much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Was that you boys? That was you boys. I just want to smell it. I just want to smell it. Get a quick little whiff out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
No, no, these are ideas. I already see it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
You know what? It all adds up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Oh, yeah. I was jealous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
It's connected more than you think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
I'll believe anything you tell me. That's my job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
But then they arrested him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Yeah, that's what I said. What happened was... How about littering?
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
And you're like, yeah, we're going to do your awesome shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
That's what I'd say.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Yes! They're all neighbors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Your hand's going to have a hitchhiking thumb.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
Hello. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
If you guys say...
Last Podcast On The Left
Bring Her Back: An Interview with Danny & Michael Philippou
That scares me more because you fuckers are scared of shit. Oh, yeah, we're afraid. Yeah, that must be scary.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Chad then sent this sad attempt at erotica to Lori over text, which hilariously became public knowledge when all their text conversations were submitted as evidence in their respective murder trials. This is an example of Chad's text erotica. And please, Henry, word for word. I will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Did it come out of the top of your head or?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
The little blow hole in the top of your head doesn't like pop out and cum shoots out of it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
You know, I actually do have I've been thinking about it. I think I know the moment and we're going to we're going to get back. We're going to get to it later. But I do think I pinpointed the moment in which this happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Oh, it is. Chad has five children at this point. So unfortunately, we do know he is not a virgin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, the concept of past lives is extremely important to the evolution of Chad and Lori's belief system, but it's almost doubly important when it came to their evolution as a couple. When it came to the couple part, Chad continually blew Lori's sense of self-importance way out of proportion by feeding her stories about past lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Stories that simply built on the shit Lori was already saying at pap meetings before she met Chad. Chad told Lori that she, along with her family and friends, had all been important Mormon prophets and pioneers, in addition to warriors who'd fought great battles on the side of the Nephites, the good guys in the Book of Mormon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
They fought them against the Lamanites, the bad guys in the Book of Mormon. And this, of course, only increased Lori's arrogance and self-assuredness.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, with dry erase. No permanent marker on the laminates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, as far as how reincarnation fit into Chad and Lori's belief system, Chad claimed that after a person lives two mortal lives, they choose to sign either a light contract with Heavenly Father or a dark one with Satan. Yeah. And the person gets either lighter or darker with each subsequent life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Additionally, every time someone is reborn, the veil between the mortal world and the spirit world thins. Chad and Lori, of course, had extremely thin veils because they had respectively lived 21 and 31 lives. 21 for Lori, 31 for Chad. Chad's always got to be a little bit better than Lori in everything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. Well, I bet she's a younger lady. Yeah. Yeah. 21 lives instead of 31. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And they also, of course, lived very impressive lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. You lived and died in the same English village, and you unfortunately shit yourself to death at the age of 23.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
EddieTunes.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, Chad said that he was the reincarnation of both Martin Luther and Methuselah, while Laurie was the reincarnated wife of the Mormon prophet angel Moroni. Moroni, of course, the one who brought Joseph Smith the golden plates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Methuselah was the old man in the Bible. He never died. He was like so old.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the newly empty Henry Zebrowski. But you know what's the saddest part?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Noah's guy. Wouldn't you relate him to Noah? What do you mean his guy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Might be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
You're right. Yeah, yeah. You're just talking about a character in a book.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And so, after combining Chad's reincarnation beliefs with his light-dark numbering system, our two Mormon doomsday prophets began yes-ending each other until they had finally talked their way into spiritually and morally justifying cold-blooded murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Chad and Lori began by tabulating the so-called vibration levels of everyone they knew. Vibration level, that's the strength of their spirit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Hell yeah. Audio medium.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, vibration was also attached to libido, very important to the Mormons. And it was also attached to everyone's trust level, as well as the light and dark percentages contained within each person. Vibration level is very important to Chad and Lori's belief system. But it's also important to remember that Chad and Lori considered themselves to be both 4.3 light, therefore the highest vibration.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Actually, one source I saw said that Chad eventually considered himself to be 4.4 light. No shit! What? That goes all the way up to 11.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Fucked up my joke. That was my next joke. Because Lori had the highest vibration possible and Chad's basically went to 11. There we go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Thank you. Thank you. But since they were so high, they both decided that people with extremely high vibrations didn't have to follow the strict teachings of the LDS church. So they therefore freed themselves to make their own rules.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Melanie Gibb, by the way, she's the podcaster, one of the most popular podcasters on the PAP network.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
That is true. But Chad and Lori had a sort of fail-safe built into their system that allowed them to jettison anyone in their lives. No matter how high a person's vibration was, anyone could become infected with a demon spirit controlled by Lucifer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. Chad, quickly catching on to the fact that cults need their own nomenclature, came to refer to these demon spirits as worms or slugs. If someone was infected with a worm or a slug long enough, they would become, again in Chad's parlance, a zombie. Once a person became a zombie, though, that was the point of no return. That person's soul had been pushed out of their body into limbo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I don't know what you mean. Yeah. We also have the man with the interesting theories about his own balls, Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And the only way to save that soul from limbo was to kill the zombie body that had been infected by the demon slut.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
David Johansson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, by telling us how hot, hot, hot it was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I would say that hot, hot, hot was very encouraging of Limbo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. That's how you lose limbo. Yeah. Going through.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
No, all of this demon slug zombie bullshit, this is a combination of cult speak nonsense and Chad's own subpar horror fiction sensibilities. Because to me, the zombie slug demon concept sounds like a stream of consciousness first draft idea that gets fucking thrown away because it's bad. Yep. But with lightning speed, Chad and Lori began implementing these beliefs into their daily lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And it wouldn't be long before Chad and Lori's echo chamber led them to assign zombie status to pretty much anyone who stood in the way of them being together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Death percentages is a big one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Of course, here we are today on Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow, part three. It's never going to stop. Never.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I promise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, the confidence in their past life marriages that Chad and Lori quickly developed over text, that led them to be quite brazen about their affair, even in its early days. Just weeks after Chad and Lori began texting, Chad arrived in Lori's neck of the woods to give a speech at the next Preparing a People conference held in Mesa, Arizona.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Over that weekend, Lori had Chad stay at her home because her husband Charles was out of town with their kids, Tylee and J.J., After the conference, Lori hosted the after-party at her house.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, at the after party, Laurie was given the opportunity to speak in front of a very receptive audience of about 30 people. Speaking to the crowd about what Chad had shown her with his magical owl necklace, the one that Chad used to divine past lives and suss out light-dark levels, Laurie said, quote, Hey, everybody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, Lori Vallow had already been spouting this nonsense at Pat meetings before she met Chad Daybell. But this particular gathering was made up specifically of big Chad Daybell fans. And here, you suddenly had this woman, Lori, whom Chad had anointed as a chosen one. Therefore, the response to Lori's bullshit was highly positive and immediately validating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Not just that, but she's also back home running Chad Daybell's publishing company.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I know. Now, I suppose Lori did have some qualms about adultery, however slight, because after she gave her speech, she and Chad left her house and rented a hotel room where they somewhat consummated their passion in a very Mormon way. Can we set the scene?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yes, he's there fully clothed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Taking a culinary cruise, I see. Well, instead of just having sex like two normal people having an affair, they, quote, pressed their loins tightly against each other and did so fully clothed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
So you've been reading, what is it? The James and Elena story. Oh, the James and Elena story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, you would be. Chad then ran his hands up and down Lori's whole body, still fully clothed, supposedly blessing and purifying each part of her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
All while they still called each other by the erotic fiction names Chad had given them, Chad, James, and Elena.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, the day after their heavy petting session, Chad laid it on even thick because that's what it is. It's just heavy petting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, because also remember, Chad Daybell is a big badass. How tall is he? He seems like he's like 6'2", 6'3".
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, the day after their heavy petting session, Chad laid it on even thicker during a walk in the park where they scandalously held hands.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
In the park, Chad told Lori about the secret meaning of his novels, a meaning Lori never revealed. And Chad told her for the first time that she had been correct all along because God had indeed chosen them both to lead the select group of 144,000 Mormons who would usher in the end times and the second coming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, after her passionate by Mormon standards weekend with Chad, Lori abruptly went cold with her husband, Charles. He returned from his out-of-town trip with the kids to find that the woman he was unfortunately deeply in love with, she no longer wanted him. And he had no idea what had changed or what had happened in his absence.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Things only started to make sense for Charles when he found the sexy videos his wife had emailed to her favorite author, Chad Daybell. But Charles did not confront Laurie just yet, as far as I know, and he only told his sister Kay that his wife was having an affair or about to start one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, it was really hard to pluralize.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
very sexy it's her just going fully clothed well yeah and on some level you're like she's not even trying to get this guy hard so you're saying that if you were to find a video that natalie had sent to another man you would gauge how pissed off you were about it based on how good the video was? Well, it just depends on how Mormon the video is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
So now that Lori and Chad had spent a night together, their shared delusions were taken to the next level. Lori told their mutual friend, podcaster Melanie Gibb, that Chad had built a spiritual portal in her closet so he could come visit her and that the two of them could commune ethereally whenever they wanted. Lori also told Geb that they had already begun fulfilling their mission.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Partly, this mission was to rid the world of evil spirits, a.k.a. zombies, but the location of said zombies was still vague at this point. Chad could, however, say a special prayer, and God would tell him how many zombies were in, say, Wyoming or Texas. He could tell you how many zombies were in each state, but no further than that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Shelf is the only word that rhymes with self, and that's one of my biggest pet peeves in songwriting. When someone rhymes self with shelf, I think it's lazy. It is. Find a different word. I know even Dylan did it, but find a different word. He only fucking whatever, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
He did it in like 1963.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
A lot of declarative sentences. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, it's telling at this point that even Melanie Gibb, the host of a neo-fundamentalist Mormon End Times podcast, was telling Laurie that her and Chad's relationship was getting pretty extreme. Gibb even suggested that Chad might himself be a dark spirit. But Laurie famously said, quote, If Chad is Satan, he sure is a good one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, making it look like she goes along. Now, even though Lori's beliefs were getting quite out there, she nevertheless made her podcast debut in November of 2018 on Melanie Gibbs' Pat Podcast, Time to Warrior Up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Hell yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, on this podcast appearance, Lori openly discussed her sacred mission with Chad, the mission to begin gathering the 144,000 faithful for the end times. What's extremely important to keep in mind here, though, is that when Lori Vallow made this appearance, it had been, at most...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
About a month and a half since she'd met Chad Dayball at the PAP conference, meaning Lori was all in from the word go. That denim must have felt great. Soon after her podcast appearance, Lori began sending her family members boxes of survival food supplies, whether they wanted it or not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And this seems to be one of the precipitating events that finally raised the eyebrows of her brother Adam, a.k.a. Bo Nasty. And Bo Nasty began texting Charles Vallow, asking what the fuck was going on with Lori.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Horrible mics. The sound quality is maddening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. No, it is what I was talking about earlier. It's yes-ending each other into oblivion. That's what these people are doing every single time they get together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Much better name.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, Lori had become so obsessed with Chad Daybell that podcaster Melanie Gibb finally began saying, fuck it, just shut the fuck up and divorce your spouses and be done with it. Tellingly, though, Lori told Melanie that divorce was forbidden, although Lori would later say that she just didn't want a fourth divorce under her belt.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But Lori did say that she and Chad had secretly sealed themselves together for all eternity in a Mormon temple. And I think this is the moment when they fucked right around the time that she had her appearance on the podcast. That's what she means by sealing themselves together for eternity. I think you are exactly.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
You know no one wants to hear you talk about masturbating, right?
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Their vibration is higher than everybody else. They don't have to. So the rules of like you can't fuck in a temple don't apply to them.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I don't know, man. That's the thing. The least fuckable place ever. Sometimes the most you want a fuckable place.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
What a 13 year old would do.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, Lori was definitely all in, but it doesn't seem like Chad was quite as committed. See, in December of 2018, about two months after Chad and Lori met, Chad had a business breakfast with his biggest selling near-death experience author, Julie Rowe. Afterward, Chad suggested they have a so-called private energy healing session at Chad's house in Rexburg.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
During that session, Chad allegedly sexually assaulted Julie Rowe, although the details on what happened are vague. What Rowe did say was that after the assault, Chad started crying. She never saw Chad face to face ever again, but he did send her several apologies over a series of increasingly emotional texts.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, I mean, it's certainly rooted in power. Yes. Like, you know, rape is.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
which is responsible so when we last left our favorite Mormon doomsday couple Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow had finally met at a preparing a people conference that's in Utah after Lori had spent years as a fan devouring Chad's horseshit through his books and podcast appearances as their mutual friend and podcaster Melanie Gibb put it the moment Chad and Lori met was akin to a lightning strike hitting both of them electrifying
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. Yeah. Well, he had had. Well, we'll get into that here in a second. But yeah, I think the physically definitely the first person he cheated.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, by the beginning of 2019, Chad and Lori were speaking or texting Diggly on their burner phones. And it's over the course of this particular year that they would create the conditions in their fantasy world to justify the four murders that made them infamous. Now, I don't know if Chad's plan was to get rid of Lori's husband, Charles Vallow, through murder all along.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Because honestly, like most in-times prophets, I'm not even sure if Chad really ever had a concrete plan other than some vague future notion of a new Jerusalem. But what we do know is that pretty soon after Chad and Lori began talking, Lori was telling her friends that Charles was blocking her spiritual gifts. Before Chad, Lori had never said a bad word about Charles.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
If you'll remember, Charles Vallow started at three light when Chad did his first spiritual suss out. But within just a couple months, Charles's light spirit number shifted to the dark side. Once Chad's number shifted, Lori was claiming that she had a revelation that Charles was going to die in a car crash by the end of 2018, I suppose trying to will it into existence.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But she was quite disappointed when her husband rang in the new year, still very much alive.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, it really does. Well, that's the thing, is that Lori may have learned about the car crash revelation manifestation from Chad. See, even before Chad Daybell met Lori Vallow, he was telling his colleagues that he was having visions of his wife Tammy dying in a car accident during a snowstorm.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Chad was having these so-called visions right around the same time that he started getting attention from women at these New Age conferences. And Chad admitted that prior to his relationship with Lori, he had a brief emotional affair with one of his groupies over the phone.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
So from what it seems like to me, Chad Daybell was at the very least hoping for his wife's death from the moment he started getting positive attention from women. And I think the whole slug zombie thing was just as much about justifying the murder of his own wife as it was about justifying the murder of Lori's husband.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But really, that's all to say that it was only a matter of time before these two people, people who believed that they were above the laws of both God and man, only a matter of time before they took matters into their own hands.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
their shared beliefs and awakening their Mormon loins of desire.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
No, when 2019 began. Oh, Riz. Charisma.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
By thinking of the word you could just use anyway. See?
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Groovy. Yeah.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, when 2019 began, Chad started off the year with a bang by revealing that Charles Vallow's body had fully been taken over by an unclean demonic spirit.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Close. It was Nick Schneider.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, Nick Schneider, according to Chad, this was an old friend of Charles Valo's who had died. But Nick's spirit had been wandering limbo as a demon ever since.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
What did Nick do? Well, Nick Schneider had finally managed to take root in Charles's body as a slug in late 2018 or early 2019. And Charles was therefore now a zombie.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
No, it's like when you used to, like, text your drug dealer and say, like, hey, do you have any watermelons?
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
A couple of weeks after the Nick Schneider reveal, Chad turned up the volume again when he emailed Lori a list of the seven missions. Everything's fucking seven. Seven missions that they had to accomplish together to prepare themselves for the end times and prepare Rexburg, Idaho as the new Jerusalem.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
It's like hitting a big sheet of tin with a piece of pork.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. It was around this time that Chad fucked up like all millenarians do when he revealed the approximate date when the end times would begin, July of 2020. Whoa. But Chad did this for the same reasons his forebears did, to introduce urgency. Because if what he said was true, he and Lori only had a year and a half to get all this shit done. It also keeps you from thinking things through.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Of course. Amongst other tasks, Chad and Lori needed to translate ancient records, establish the presidency of the Church of the First, I was going to say that. Yeah, provide supplies and organize food distributions as the tribulations start. Of course, of course, you have to. And identify locations in northeastern Arizona for so-called white camps where other end-time survivors would live.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And on top of all that, Chad and Lori also had to write a book together, although the multiple murders would definitely get in the way of them putting together anything suitable for publication.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, it only took three years of my life. No, it was entirely worth it. I just lost the middle of my 30s. No, no, Marcus. I lost the Cowmen, the band that I was in for 10 years. I had to get that up.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, yeah. Didn't. And then COVID.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Thank you. Thank you. I still have a fun newspaper clipping in my fucking closet.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
That was the newspaper clipping.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Please go buy it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Don't get it on Amazon. Barnes & Noble. IndieBound. IndieBound. That's it. That's what we were trying to remember the other day. IndieBound. Now, Chad Daybell's mini cult began to quickly grow soon after Chad upped the stakes once again with all the instructions and such. But as it turned out, Lori Vallow was actually Chad's most effective recruiter and spokesperson.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
The majority of the people Lori brought into the cult, however, were from her own family. First to join was Alex Cox. Remember, Alex had already attempted to murder Lori's ex-husband over 10 years earlier on Lori's command. Alex did pretty much whatever Lori told him to do.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And he joined willingly after being indoctrinated by the Preparing a People and Avow podcast, which he listened to obsessively for hours on end while working as a truck driver. Next was Lori Vallow's niece, Melanie Boudreau, and her husband, Brandon. Melanie was the daughter of Lori's sister, Stacy, the one who died from the eating disorder.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Melanie's father had tried to keep her away from the Cox family, but Melanie had reconnected with Aunt Lori as an adult and had quickly been turned into a Chad Daybell follower.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
He's just a truck driver. He's just a truck driver with a fucking bad facial hair, bald head and a pot belly. You know, truck drivers, to be honest, he gives a bad name to truck drivers.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, I mean, we're, of course, going to really get into it. But I really do want to say like wholeheartedly that this shit, you know, they say that, you know, this wouldn't have happened without them being within, you know, like the Mormon framework and all that. But it truly would not have happened without people like Melanie Gibb telling them the whole time that what you're doing is fantastic.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, I would say so. He saw her in a bikini all the time. She was always flaunting in front of him. So yeah, he definitely saw more of Laurie's body than Chad did. Lucky brother.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
that's a lucky brother remember as soon as you talk about this they all got the same fucking names mormons have the worst names okay well i was about to go through that yeah i mean you know you outside of laurie's family you had the original melanie melanie gibb from the preparing of people podcast network there's melanie with an e and melanie with an i shut up melanie with an e that's the podcaster melanie with an i that's laurie's niece okay
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But Gibb wasn't the only Pat member to join what was becoming a sort of inner circle. Lastly, Chad and Lori were joined by a self-described emotional code practitioner named Zulema Pastanas. Sweet, sweet, stupid, stupid Zulema. Zulema is by far... I'm going to say... Zulema just kind of... Zulema, I... I have conflicting feelings about Zulema because Zulema... Is a joiner.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, she's a joiner. She was, I think, looking for a community and looking for people to tell her that she was important. And these were, unfortunately, the people that she found. She was a little older than everyone else. She's 55 years old. Everyone else in the cult, like, they're on podcasts all the time. Zulema's just a fan. You know, she's a listener.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And she'd become obsessed with the End Times and Chad Daybell. She's also a big fan of Denver C. Snuffer Jr. We all are. We all are. The end times author.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But that's the thing. Fredo was still, like, evil. Like, Fredo still did, like, bad shit. He got passed over. Yeah, but he still did really bad shit. Like, Zulema actually kind of... It's like, you know, when someone runs a red light and somehow all of the cars just kind of pass by them and they just somehow manage to survive. I mean, she's like, yeah, that's it.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And she was just too dumb to find her way around. Now, Lori had attempted to recruit her other brother, Adam, into Chad's sphere of influence. Adam, of course, DJ Bo Nasty. But while Adam was kind of a shitty dude, owing to the whole radio stunt that killed a woman that he felt no remorse for, he still had a bit more of a head on his shoulders than the rest of his siblings.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
See, Adam was rightfully a little weirded out when his younger sister told him that she was an immortal being who no longer needed to eat or go to the bathroom.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we have a caller. It's my sister, Lori. It sounds like she's finally going to the bathroom. Can we get a little bit of a microphone in there? P-Mark, it's a P-Mark. Oh, my God, that's my sister, Lori. She's defecating. That's right, Mr. Scream.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
What you're doing is great, and you are who you say you are.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Adam also definitely incredulous when Laurie claimed that if she was shot, the bullet would pass through her body without hurting her. Also distressed by Laurie's claim that she could see spirits walking around her house and that she had a particularly aggressive encounter with the devil in which they'd screamed at each other about God knows what.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I'd still be doing that if radio hadn't been murdered in the mid-2000s.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
No, I held on as long as I possibly could before coming over to the other side. Radio died about 10 years before podcasts came along. Yeah, no, no. It was the Telecommunications Act of 1996. If you want, I can give you a whole presentation on it.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Sounds good. All right. Now, Adam was the only person in Lori's family to really sound the alarm that something was wrong with Lori. And he was the only one who would listen to Charles Vallow when Charles said that his wife was losing her grip on reality. Charles's text to his brother-in-law, however, would not prevent Charles from being murdered.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And prosecutors would later allege that it was actually Chad Daybell who masterminded the entire plan to kill Charles from beginning to end. Although I think his murder was very much a collaboration. Oh, yes. So the plan to kill Charles was certainly a long-term scheme.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
From what it seems like, Chad and Laurie were trying to provoke Charles Vallow into committing an act of violence by dismantling his life, an act that then could be met with deadly self-defense. But Charles Vallow was not a violent man, so Laurie very much had to create the conditions that would drive him to lose his mind completely.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
They did, however, still need religious justification for killing Charles, which Chad had already provided. See, Lori fully believed, or at least wanted to believe by this point, that her husband was a zombie, which fulfilled an important purpose.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Instead of being a woman with four divorces and five marriages, or worse, a simple murderer, Lori Vallow could reframe herself as a warrior for Christ, and Chad could do the same, just so long as everyone they killed was a zombie possessed by the devil. Then the opening volley leading up to Charles' death came on January 29th, 2019, while Charles was in Houston, Texas on a business trip.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
As soon as Charles' plane took off from Phoenix, Lori transferred $35,000 from their joint bank account into a personal one that only she could access. So by the time Charles landed in Houston, he had no more than $7 to his name.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Lori also didn't waste any time in telling Charles what she'd done. As soon as his plane landed, she called him on his cell phone and told him that she'd not only taken all his money, but that she was now a god gathering the $144,000 for the second coming due to arrive July 2020. Well, I'm currently waiting for my Uber right now. Maybe we can talk about this when I get to the hotel.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, after the PAP conference, Chad and Lori continued communicating, and Chad soon ran Lori's entire family through his light-dark sorting system, pegging some relatives as light and therefore more aligned with God, and others as dark, therefore more aligned with Satan. I will say...
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
While Charles tried to reply, bewildered, Laurie kept referring to him over and over again as Nick Schneider, the demon slug. She told her husband that she knew he wasn't Charles anymore, and because of the spiritual guidance Chad had given her, she could now murder Charles with her spiritual powers if he didn't leave her alone.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
She then hung up and left Charles stranded in Houston with $7 to his name after absolutely shattering his life over the course of one phone call.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I don't know why you ever... Yeah, thank you. That's great. I mean, it's great. I don't know why it took you years of staring at her face to realize that. Sometimes it does. Okay.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Man, that is true.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
She needs a moisturizer. Yeah. Well, Lori, not content with taking all of Charles' money, she then drove to the Phoenix airport with her cult friend Melanie Gibb and used a spare key to steal Charles' truck from long-term parking, then drove that truck to a friend's house without telling Charles where it was.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Finally, Lori canceled Charles' return plane ticket, had a locksmith change all the locks in their shared home, and she hid all of Charles' belongings behind survival food buckets in a closet. Lori then took her children, JJ and Tylee, to stay at a local Hyatt.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, Charles is understandably upset about all this because he was still very much in love with Lori for whatever reason. And that's not even to mention the fact that Lori was at the time in custody of their adopted child, JJ. It's just imagine what's going through this guy's head. He's a thousand miles away in Houston. He's in two states away.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And his wife has just called him to tell her that she is a god. Oh, yeah. And that she's in care of a disabled little boy.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
kind of just some fascination of hers into a constant talking point of hers and it is just it is now at a full boil and you're just kind of hoping it gets better well i just think you don't think anybody's gonna kill their kids no of course not and as far as like him like this going on for a long time we'll get into it a little bit like how long he was concerned for but i do think you hit upon something when you said like he was just kind of hoping it would get better
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And I think he was just sort of hoping that she was going to come around eventually and she's going to leave all this stuff behind. But as Henry said, like, yeah, the volume gets turned up really, really fucking fast here. So Charles, understandably upset and worried, he called Laurie the next day and had a friend listen in, a fellow Mormon named Gabe Bonilla. Whoa.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, the only other Bonilla I've ever heard.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Gabe Bonilla.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
As far as I know. Let's look it up. Well, on that call, Bonilla heard Laurie threatened to, quote unquote, destroy Charles and told him not to bother coming home. Oh, wait. Ah. Continue. Not related. Well, as far as the kids went, Lori said that Charles could have JJ because she didn't want him anymore.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yes.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
In fact, Lori seemed to never really care about JJ at all because multiple people reported that Lori referred to JJ over and over again as a drug baby because both of his parents had been addicts. Charles may have gotten a loan from Gabe Bonilla, because before long, he had enough money for a return ticket to Arizona.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Always. But almost immediately, Chad and Lori began communicating almost daily through text. And once that happened, Lori tripled down on her Mormon faith, spending up to eight hours a day every day at her local LDS temple.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Once arrived, he took a cab to the local mental health facility and got an emergency petition to get Lori held for a 72-hour observation. But once he got home and found that all the locks had been changed, he called the police to ask for a welfare check on the kids, Tylee and JJ.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, if you've never seen the body cam footage that shows the cop speaking with Charles Vallow that night outside of his house, it is fucking chilling.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
fucking railroaded by the police as well yeah you can see charles firsthand in an utterly baffled state telling cops that his wife has lost her mind that she believes she's a resurrected being believes she's a god and that she wholeheartedly believes that charles had been replaced by a demon named nick schneider unfortunately though charles saying all this out loud to the cops made charles sound crazy and you could hear the skepticism in the voice of the cop talking to him
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
No, I don't believe it. My wife believes that I am, and she also believes that she's a god and that she's going to leave the 144,000. By the way, we're LDS. Oh. God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
He did actually say that as if it was going to explain something. When he's talking to the cops, he goes like, you know what? He says like, yeah, you know, she thinks that she's a god. She thinks that she's a part of the 144,000. We're LDS, by the way. She thinks I'm a demon. I don't know why he put that in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I do think it's because the cops. Remember, he's also converted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
When Lori wasn't at church, she filled her days with the neo-fundamentalist apocalyptic Mormon podcasts that were produced by the members of the Avow Message Board and the Preparing a People podcast network.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But the most important statement that Charles made to that cop, and this is kind of addressing what you said earlier, Eddie, was that Lori Vallow had been on a steady downward slope for about four or five years. And I think this is key to understanding this whole story. What this tells me is that Lori Vallow was not brainwashed by Chad Daybell into becoming a monster.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Lori Vallow came ready-made from the Mormon fringe, and she'd been waiting for someone like Chad to finally come along and unleash her upon the world. In other words, I truly do believe that it was Laurie and Chad together who created the conditions that led to four murders, but not just them alone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
The other people responsible here are all the other neo-fundamentalist Mormons who encouraged them every step of the way. Now, when the cops came to Charles' house that night, he did tell them that Laurie had threatened to murder him. But when the cops asked what Laurie said specifically, Charles admitted that she didn't use the word murder per se.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Instead, Laurie had said that she would destroy him, which is apparently too vague for the cops. The officer on the scene just sort of shrugged and said that Lori's statement wasn't a direct threat, so there was nothing the cops could do. Furthermore, because of their marital status, nothing Lori had done was technically a crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Transferring the money, stealing Charles' truck, all this stuff is in both their names. She hadn't done anything wrong as far as the law was concerned. So the cops basically said good luck with the mental health hold and left Charles to deal with Lori on his own.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
While listening, Laurie continued to drink in the beliefs of near-death experience authors like Julie Rowe, in addition to the near-constant chatter about the end times, spattered, of course, both by the regular hosts and Chad Daybell whenever he made an appearance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, they haven't seen Lori Vallow at this point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
They're definitely giving it that vibe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I think we already do that. Quite high rates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, Charles was getting increasingly desperate, so he showed up to JJ's school the next morning. When Lori drove up and took JJ inside, Charles stole Lori's phone and purse, possibly to gain some sort of control over the situation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Later that day, Lori, along with podcaster Melanie Gibb and her daughter Tylee, they showed up at the police station to report Charles for theft and to give their own version of events. The footage of Lori's interview, however, is just as chilling as watching Charles list Lori's delusions, but for entirely different reasons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
See, Lori Vallow played the perfectly reasonable yet defiant Fox News hot wife, and she easily charmed the officer she spoke with, just as Lori was able to charm almost every cop she came into contact with until the very end.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
You know what it is? It is a combination of toughness and submissiveness. If you can put those two things together, if you can show, like, I'm a tough chick, but also I'll do whatever you say, then a cop is going to fucking just fall for it immediately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Before long, the fantasy world put forth by these podcasts had penetrated deep into Laurie's brain, and she began claiming that she had transcended beyond human needs, like eating, sleeping, urinating, or defecating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, they do. They absolutely melt. Lori Vallow knew. She knows how to manipulate authority figures. Knows very well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, Lori Vallow presented herself during her interview with the cops as the victim of a cheating and manipulative husband. She claimed that she'd gotten into an argument with Charles and had taken her children to a hotel for safety, and Charles had stolen her phone so he could lure Melanie Gibb to his home for some unknown reason.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But the whole time, Lori stayed calm and collected, even making little jokes, like when she said she really only wanted her purse back because her best lip gloss was in there. In fact, owing to her extreme arrogance, Lori Vallow, to the best of my knowledge, has still not broken in front of a cop to this day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But as it was with Charles, the cops told Lori that there was really nothing they could do. But they did suggest she go for the psychiatric evaluation Charles had ordered, just to get it out of the way. And so Lori Vallow, in the midst of her largest delusions, got a full mental health evaluation and easily came out the other side with a clean bill.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Charles, however, had decided that enough was enough. Lori was still in possession of both kids, so Charles filed an order of protection against her naming all of her wild claims, including the claim that she was going to kill him and have an angel dispose of his body. This, of course, was all in a bid to show how dangerous she was to J.J., Lori, meanwhile, had taken Tylee and J.J.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
to stay with her psychopathic brother Alex 30 miles away in Santan Valley. And she'd stopped going to church so she couldn't be found. Finally, she did return J.J. to Charles, but refused to hand over the child's medication out of pure spite.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
After that, Charles Vallow filed for divorce and for custody of JJ, completely broken, then changed the beneficiary on his $1 million life insurance policy from Lori to his sister Kay Woodcock. Charles was not, however, just doing this despite Lori.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
It seems like Charles was trying in vain to save his own life because Charles had told his divorce attorney that if anything happened to him, the people responsible would be his wife and her brother Alex. Charles' suspicion was confirmed when he tried changing the beneficiary himself through his insurance company's website and discovered that Laurie had changed the password to his account.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Eventually, Charles, he just had to go to a notary and he got the beneficiary change to his sister. But Lori was still under the impression that her childish password switcheroo had made it impossible for Charles to change beneficiaries. So she believed that when Charles died, she was going to get the big payout. Lori, meanwhile, was only becoming more erratic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
She flew to Hawaii on February 10th, claiming that she wanted to start over with $10,000 in cash, six burner phones, and a bundle of papers filled with conspiracies and the bizarre religious doctrine she and Chad had concocted together. And it's also important to remember, every single day, Lori and Chad are texting each other, talking to each other about this thing and that thing and everything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Erotic shit, weird shit, light-dark levels, the end times, everything. Every single day, Lori and Chad are texting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Once on the island, Lori tried a little recruiting when she met up with an old Mormon friend. This friend said that Lori talked incessantly about Chad Daybell, her past lives on other planets, and how she was a god with supernatural powers to eliminate evil. Now that shit worked great on the fringe Mormons from PAP and EVAL, the people who were already primed to believe this stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But when you just pull it out during a lunch date, it sounds bonkers as shit. And so, after Lori asked her friend if she wanted to abandon her family in Hawaii and move to Idaho to become one of the 144,000 Mormons who had been chosen to survive the end times, the friend politely declined.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, with the rejection of her friend in Hawaii, Lori's self-given mission of gathering the 144,000, ostensibly her whole reason for existing at this point, it was not off to a good start. And her plan for getting rid of Charles for good was getting wobbly as well. See, as it turned out, Chad Daybell was just as excited about that $1 million life insurance policy as Lori was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
So Chad convinced Lori to reconcile with Charles, however temporarily, to secure that policy. And so when Lori reappeared in Arizona and went to Charles Vallow, acting like nothing had happened, Charles excitedly and sadly texted his friends that, quote, we have our Lori back. They did, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
lori was going to make herself known but to me that that tells such a story oh yeah because you know charles valo uh is texting his his friends and his family we have our lori back and it was like an exclamation point which tells me like there was definitely two sides to lori valo of course like there were two people there were she was living these two lives there were 10 sides
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And magical thinking is also a massive part of narcissism. The example we always give was Casey Anthony taking the cops to Universal Studios to tell them, like, yeah, let's go to work. Like, okay, take us to where you work. You're like, I work at Universal Studios. And she just walked them through the offices. And everyone's looking around like, who the fuck is this person?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And then finally, Casey Anthony gets to the end of a hallway and just has to turn around and go like, I didn't work here. I never worked here. Because she thought at some point, something magical is going to happen. Something's going to work out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
It's very frustrating. Now, by the first week of April, Lori and Tylee had moved to Houston to join Charles and JJ. And when podcaster Melanie Gibbs showed confusion, Lori allayed her concerns by saying that God had told Lori to get Charles's finances in order. This, for some reason, did not set off any alarm bells with Melanie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But it seems like Charles may not have trusted Lori completely because it appears as if he told her that she was still the beneficiary on his insurance policy, which, of course, was a lie. As a possible result, Lori left Charles after two months for the final time, She then moved back to Phoenix, where she doubled down on her mission with Chad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
That would be murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
According to my guests, go see my last mandate and last stream on the left on our YouTube to see all about what Dobby's up to these days. Let's just say he's generous with his time. He's making debt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Y'all. Y'all.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
For all of our podcasts here on the BuzzFeed Network.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, in cults, things usually start getting serious around the time that the leaders start fucking with their followers' marriages. And in May of 2019, right on schedule, Chad and Lori began telling their followers to divorce their so-called dark spirit spouses. Podcaster Melanie Gibb, that's Melanie with an E, she was the first to divorce. Yay.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
While Lori's niece, Melanie Boudreau, Melanie with an I, followed suit soon after. But as we know with cults, just getting people to divorce, that's just the first step.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
The big crossover to the other side is pairing people up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, after you die. Well, after podcaster Melanie Gibb was divorced from her husband, she was paired with a PAP member who'd moved to Rexburg with all the other PAPers who had been decided they were one of the chosen 144,000.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I only wrote PAPers. I hadn't said it out loud yet. And then when I said it out loud, I was like, that's fun. That's fun to say. They put a smile on my face.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Alex Cox, meanwhile, Laurie's homicidal brother, was paired with cult member Zulema Pastenas. And all of them were ordered to move to Rexburg as soon as possible to await the end times.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Zulema, however, was not Chad and Lori's first pick for Alex. They had first tried to convince Lori's friend from Hawaii to marry him. But the friend said that Alex was, quote, too strange for her to even tolerate. That's a direct quote from her. And she ended up thumbs down review.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And she ended up blocking his number. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, out of all of Chad and Lori's followers, no one bought into their worldview with more gusto than Lori's brother, Alex. Soon after joining up... Gusto. Gusto.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
He's got gusto. Yeah. Soon after joining up, Alex had also come to believe that Charles Vallow's body had been taken over by a demon named Nick Schneider, that the good man that Charles had once been was now trapped in limbo, and Charles's zombie body would have to be destroyed to save Charles. As Laurie put it so manipulatively to Alex, killing Charles would be a kindness.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, Lori and Chad also spent a lot. Why is that funny? I don't know why that killed me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, Lori and Chad also spent a lot of time building up their followers into believing that Charles was a zombie as well. They'd sit in their temple together and attempt to summon up spiritual forces to defeat him. And in a group text between Lori, Melanie Gibb, and Zulema, they actively tried to cause a car crash to kill Charles using their magical powers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Charles, meanwhile, had decided to introduce a little chaos of his own. But Charles' attempt to fight back was without a doubt the thing that finally got him killed. So even after Laurie had left Charles for the final time, Charles had been in regular contact with Laurie's brother Adam, a.k.a. Bo Nasty. And Charles had told Adam all about Laurie's delusions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
By this point, Adam was the only person in the Cox family talking to Charles because Laurie had told everyone to not answer Charles's calls or texts because he was evil and he was out to get her. Adam, however, was fully on Charles' side, and the two of them were planning a full intervention for Lori to hopefully shake her out of her delusions and to get her away from Chad Daybell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And don't forget, Lori, if you're really worried about being up there in that celestial palace, just remember, heaven is a place on earth. It's Melinda Carlisle here on KHFI 99.7.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
It's because of Charles' contact with Adam that we know what precipitated Charles' murder. It is complicated, I will admit. But we're going to do our best to make this as clear as possible. It's a bunch of morons running around doing stupid shit that's always confusing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
See, Charles had irrefutable proof that Lori and Chad were having an affair. And Charles told Adam that he was fully planning to inform Chad's wife, Tammy. All of this, of course, had come because of an idiotic ruse Lori had tried to pull. This is, again, they're bad at covering crimes. Yes. Somehow, Lori was able to send a fake email to Chad posing as Charles.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
The email was asking Chad to help Charles write a book as a ghostwriter. But remember, the email's from Lori. And it's fake. And it's not from Charles, but it appears as if it's from Charles. It's to set up a reason for them to get together. Yeah. The plan was for Chad to show this email to his wife, Tammy, so he'd have an excuse to visit Lori in Arizona. I gotta go help this guy.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
You know what I like. You know I like food that moves. Charles, of course, saw the email and figured out what was going on. Hours after discovering the ruse, Charles sent another email directly to Tammy Daybell. Sent it to her work account. Ooh, dirty. Yeah. And told her that he had some, quote, vital and disturbing information about her husband, Chad, and Charles's wife, Lori.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Charles also wrote that since this was Tammy's work email, he would wait to send her the evidence. Didn't want to get her in trouble. So nice. But investigators discovered that this email had been deleted and the sender was blocked. And since Tammy worked for Chad's publishing company, it's very likely that Chad Daybulb was able to intercept Charles' message before it got to Tammy.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
It's a good shot. He took a good shot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I don't think he knew that much about Chad Daybell. Yeah, I guess not. First of all, I don't think Lori wanted to tell him, and I don't think he wanted to hear it.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
That's it. I would have gotten it. Showed up at the door with a big check, and then they open up the envelope, and it's, your husband's cheating on you with my wife.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And then I'll come in afterwards dressed as Benjamin Franklin to soften the blow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I don't know why dressing up as Benjamin Franklin is going to soften the blow, but it was the first thing that I thought that might make you feel better.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. See, once Chad and Lori were made aware of the fact that Charles was planning to tell Chad's wife, Tammy, everything, it threatened not only their relationship, but their entire holy mission.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Lori, just like every other great villain in history, she believed that she was the hero in this story, and whatever she needed to do to advance her mission and protect herself, including murder, was morally and spiritually justified. And so, Chad and Lori devised a plan and gave the mission to Lori's psychopathic brother, Alex, the open mic comedian.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
They all read it earlier that day. And they also don't understand that, yeah, if you just copy from somebody, that it's just copying. It's copying. Yeah. They don't get it at all. They think, oh, my God, I can't believe these two people— Have the same experience.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
As they put it in text, it was now time to do the Lord's work to protect Lori at any cost. So on July 10th, 2019, Charles was flying to Phoenix from Houston with the full intention of staging an intervention for Lori. Adam Cox, a.k.a. Bo Nasty, was also supposed to join him, but that intervention would never come to pass.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, when Charles came... Hey, listen, hey, I was thinking, Charles, you know, thank you again for the plane tickets, but wonderful.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I'm thinking, you know, it's getting real close to the end of summer here, and it looks like we might have to throw a beer blast.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, when Charles came to Arizona, he stayed at Lori's new house, house she'd moved into only weeks before. Charles woke up the morning after his arrival and went to the gym, then came back at around 7.30 a.m., just as Lori was getting ready to take the kids to school. But Lori was not the only Cox family member in the house when Charles returned. her psychopathic brother Alex had arrived.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And so Charles, knowing that Alex was all in with Daybell's cult, he texted Adam to see if he knew what the fuck was going on here. The only thing Adam texted back was a warning for Charles to be very careful about what he did next. But unfortunately... We really have no idea what happened after that text.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
All we have are clues, because within an hour of sending that text, Charles Vallow was dead, shot twice by Alex with Alex's legally obtained .45 caliber handgun.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, and they also—it kind of gives—the incredible thing about it is that it gives the person who copies the other author, it gives them this sort of, like, cred because that other author is already really well-respected. Right. And so it's like, oh, my God, I can't believe he has the same ideas as Tom Harrison. That must mean that he is telling the truth as well.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, he's got his fucking, you know, phone. He's got the gun hidden in his backpack in the back of his fucking, yeah, he's waiting. He's ready to go. Now, the story that Lori's daughter Tylee later told the police was that she woke to her stepfather Charles screaming and threatening Lori and Alex. To put this into the right context, though, Tylee was now 16 years old.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
She's fully a teenager and very capable of lying about what went on if her mother had convinced her to do so.
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Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. Crazy. But regardless, Tylee said that she was scared enough when she heard the screaming to enter the room holding a baseball bat for protection, which Charles quickly grabbed out of her hands. At that point, Tylee said she fell down and Alex Cox stepped in. Alex and Charles began grappling, and it's at that point that Lori and Tylee claimed that they ran out of the house.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
As soon as they were in the car, though, and there were no witnesses, they claimed that they heard two shots ring out from inside. Despite this obvious danger sign, Lori supposedly told Tylee, "'Go back in the house and get my purse,' which Tylee said she did. She did not, however, say that she saw anything when she went inside. She just got the purse and left."
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
After getting the purse, Lori just drove away in Charles' rental car. She dropped the kids off at school, got Burger King for breakfast, and stopped off at Walgreens to buy flip-flops, making sure she stayed far away from the house where Charles' dead body now lay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I would describe Lori and Tylee's mood as impatient.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
It's just one thing upon another, upon another, upon another, going all the way back to Joseph Smith.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
That's nice. Now, Alex claimed that just after Lori left the house, Charles attacked him with the baseball bat, and Alex shot him in self-defense. The autopsy, however, told a different story. First shot, that's plausible. But the second showed that Alex had definitely finished the job after Charles was already on the ground. Yeah, normally you don't get a double tap. With a self-defense wound.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. There was also something staged about the wounds Alex had supposedly suffered in the attack. I don't know how the fuck he did this. Me and Caroline actually tried to like play it out at home and couldn't quite figure it out. But it appeared as if Alex had somehow hit himself in the back of the head with the bat to make it look like he was attacked first.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Finally, though, the most damning bit of evidence was the amount of time Alex waited before calling 911. Even though he told the operator that he'd shot his brother-in-law in self-defense, Alex didn't call emergency services until Charles had already been dead for 45 minutes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Ow, ow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. That happens. Yep. Yeah. But despite all this evidence, it was Lori who charmed her way through the investigation. She and Alex both told police that Charles had been acting, quote, insane and erratic for months, ever since he and Lori had separated. He'd even, they said, shown up at Alex's house to threaten Alex personally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Lori also told stories about Charles being angry at Lori for caring more about the kids than she did about him, and that he'd treated his stepdaughter, Tylee, horribly. As a result, Laurie said that she was so scared about having Charles around that she'd asked Alex to stay over the night before the killing in case Charles tried something. But this was also that little detail right there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
That was what kind of set off the alarm bells in the mind of Laurie's first son, Colby. Oh, yeah. Like Colby, when he heard this, he's like, Alex never stays over. Like, none of this makes any sense. And when Lori first told Colby about, hey, Charles is dead. He died of a heart attack. And then a few hours later, she's like, oh, no, no, no. Actually, Alex shot him in self-defense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And he's like, why did you tell me he died of a heart attack? And it was around that time that Colby's wife said, we're going no contact with your family. Yeah, but we're not talking to these people anymore. And she made the right decision.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Eddie, behave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
really close with Colby? Um, somewhat. I mean, they had, they, I think they had a pretty good relationship. Um, but I think, I think she got married. I think Lori married, um, Charles when Colby was in like high school or something. So like he was, he was a little bit older. He definitely had a good relationship with him. Like without a doubt, much better than his real father, Joe Ryan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Um, but yeah, he was shook. Definitely. When his mother was like, ha, Charles is dead. Um, Sorry! Yeah, sorry! But there was at least a little bit of skepticism on the part of the police. They noticed that Lori, Alex, and even Tylee were all completely calm and not the least bit unsettled by Charles' death. In fact, Lori seemed almost ecstatic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
She wore a big smile, would just chat on and on about Tylee's going to Brigham Young next year. And she wasn't, actually. No, she was not. But even with all this weird shit, the cops chose... File no charges against Alex Cox. Just fucking... The guy who did the autopsy, the medical examiner, was like, yeah, there's some... You should investigate this a little bit more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But these podcasts that Lori Vallow was listening to, these are only part of the equation here. See, while Lori Vallow had certainly commented Chad Daybell's life with a head full of bad religious wiring, Chad encouraged Lori's insane claims by telling her that they were not only valid, but that she had even more powerful gifts yet to come. Gifts that could only be unlocked by Chad. By me. God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
There's something a little bit fishy here, but the cops are like... Whatever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I mean, it is a self-defense thing, you know, and it's possible, like, a stand-your-ground thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, I think it's also, it's not just laziness, but, and I guess this goes into laziness, but, you know, cops in communities fall into a certain rhythm. Yeah. Where they just kind of see the same thing over and over again. Like, all right, yep, I've seen this before. You know, brother, okay, brother-in-law, abusive husband, you know, brother-in-law shoots him. Who gives a shit?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
You know, like, let's just move on. But it's just, yeah, it's just patterns. They're not thinking, they're never really, like, prepared for the Mormon doomsday cult scenario. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
I'll say that. Now, if you'll remember, Charles Vallow had two adult sons, and Lori let them know about their father's death in the most callous way possible. She texted them, sending a message that had all the emotion one might show about the death of a beloved family dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, I did see that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, both sons, of course, called Lori and texted her back to get more information, but Lori all but ignored them. Soon after, Lori had Charles Vallow's body cremated without ceremony, then mailed the ashes to Charles's sister. In a manila envelope? Adding insult to injury was what Lori did when one of Charles' sons asked if she could mail out his valuable watch collection.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Lori said of course she would. She would never think about keeping heirlooms from a son. But when the son got the package from Lori, he saw that Lori had bought a bunch of cheap Timex watches at CVS and tried to pass them off as Charles' collection.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, she sold them. And it also shows her like full steam ahead thinking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But for Lori, Charles' death did not just mean freedom to be with Chad, or at least freedom to be with Chad as soon as Tammy Daybell was dealt with. It also meant a massive insurance payout, or so Lori thought. Just four days after Charles' death, Lori could not wait anymore. Oh, no! Called the insurance company, see how soon she was going to get her check.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But she became enraged when she was told that she was no longer the beneficiary. Almost immediately, Lori began a furious text conversation with Chad about the loss of the money, calling it, quote, a spear to her heart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But over the course of this exchange, Lori all but admitted to the murder four days after committing it, saying that Charles had changed the beneficiary in March, quote, before we got rid of him. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, eventually, Laurie discovered that Charles had switched the beneficiary to Kay Woodcock, Charles' sister and J.J. 's real grandmother. As a result, Laurie stopped all communication between Kay and J.J. It was a bad move because Kay and J.J. did FaceTime a lot. Unbeknownst to Lori at the time, Kay Woodcock would be her eventual undoing. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, Adam Cox, a.k.a. Bo Nasty, he was understandably afraid for, I'm never going to let him forget that. No, don't. Yeah, it's his name. Bo Nasty, yeah. He was understandably afraid for his life at this point because Laurie was telling their family that Adam had been conspiring with Charles against her prior to Charles' death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And don't forget that Adam was the last person Charles had texted just before being murdered. The Cox family, not surprisingly, took Laurie's side. And the famously paranoid brood totally believed Laurie when she flipped the story to say that Charles and Adam had actually been planning to murder Laurie for her life insurance because they both become zombies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Adam, however, was not the only member of Lori's family to get the zombie treatment. See, as I said earlier, zombie was a term that Chad and Lori attached to anyone who stood in their way. And Lori's children were next on that list. Now, there's a lot of speculation and not many answers as to how involved Lori's daughter Tylee was with Chad Daybell's cult.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And so, in the weeks after the PAP conference where the doomsday couple met, Lori and Chad bought burner phones to hide their burgeoning affair from their respective spouses. They communicated constantly through text, and Lori even began emailing Chad videos of herself doing supposedly sexy PG-13 dances. Do you know what they were? What?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Because Tylee, as I said, she was 16 by the time of her stepfather's murder. And her statements to the police were inconsistent at best. But Tylee also seemed like a good kid. Everyone who talked about her said that she had a very good nature, good heart. So it is possible that she was starting to feel some guilt about any potential involvement in her stepfather's death, no matter how small.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And Chad and Lori may have been getting nervous. There's two things here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Father, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. But speaking of J.J., remember, he was severely autistic. One of his symptoms was a habit of parroting things he heard people say. He'd say it over and over again, and you never knew what J.J. was going to pick up. So it's very possible that J.J. was starting to repeat things that could have been incriminating to both Chad and Lori.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But Chad and Lori couldn't very well just murder Lori's kids to protect themselves or murder them to be completely free of obligation because selfish motives like that wouldn't fit with the fantasy world they built. They're too good. They're too pure. Instead, Chad and Lori needed to write the story and lay the groundwork.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And before long, Chad had declared that both Tylee and JJ had become infected by demonic slugs just like everyone else.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
All right. Now, just weeks after Charles's murder, Chad sent Lori a text saying that he had been instructed, I suppose, by his spiritual voice to focus. You can't do that until I say it. So you're right. To focus all his efforts on Hillary. Hillary isn't a name we've heard just yet, which is why your joke didn't make any fucking sense. I thought it was Yosef Fretzel. It is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But in Chad and Lori's world, Hillary was the demon that had supposedly possessed Tylee, just as Nick Schneider had possessed Charles. Just a few days after that, Lori texted Chad and told him that he needed to check Tylee's light-dark levels, because Tylee was not acting like herself, and Lori was worried that her daughter had been switched with a demon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Playing along, Chad texted back, confirming that Tylee had indeed been switched.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
The murder of the children, however, had to wait because Laurie had more pressing matters to attend to. Now that Charles Vallow was dead, Laurie was finally free to move to Rexburg to be with Chad. Every girl's dream. Every girl's dream. I'm going to move to Rexburg, Idaho. Mr. and Mrs. Chad Daybell. Although Chad was still very much married to Tammy. But Tammy's days were also numbered.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
See, once Lori moved to Rexburg, the other faithful followed, including her niece, Melanie Boudreau, and podcaster Melanie Gibb. Most importantly, though, Lori was joined in Rexburg by her psychopathic brother, Alex. Concerning Alex, Chad told Lori that they would continue using him as the hitman in their divine mission. And very soon, Alex was going to have more work to do. No!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
According to Chad, Tammy was now possessed by a demon named Viola. Whoa! And as a result, Tammy was very close to reaching her so-called death percentage, meaning Chad was very close to giving their holy hitman another job. Wow. Wow. Now, you might remember me saying that Chad and Lori claimed that there were only 20,000 zombies in the whole world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And you might say it's a bit of a coincidence that such a relatively large percentage of those 20,000 zombies happen to be popping up in Chad and Lori's immediate vicinity.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
This seeming coincidence, however, fell right in line with fringe Mormon beliefs. According to people who believe in Mormon magical powers, those who are blessed with spiritual gifts are the ones most in danger of being tricked and tormented by Satan. So in Chad and Laurie's world, it made total sense that two beings as powerful as them would be inundated with dark spirits.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Ironically, though, the person I heard this powerful people attract dark spirits argument from was near-death experience author Julie Rowe, who talked about the concept on the Netflix series about Chad and Laurie. Julie Rowe, however, was using this argument as justification as to why Chad and Laurie were involved with four murders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Because in Julie Rowe's estimation, Chad and Laurie were tricked by Satan into going down the wrong path when they began killing people. Everything before that, totally fine. Yeah. But no matter how involved Satan was or wasn't, both of Lori's children and Chad's wife Tammy would all be dead and buried soon after Lori moved to Rexburg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And it's with those murders and the media firestorm that followed that we'll conclude our series on Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow next week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
We will. It's fascinating. I mean, the last episode is arguably the wildest fucking ride of all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Well, if you want to see all of the visual jokes that Henry tried to translate into an audio medium.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Oh, yes, the air quotes. Visual jokes. Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to see video episodes of every single podcast that we do. You can also watch side stories for free on YouTube and you can follow us also for free on the socials at LP on the left, TikTok and Instagram. And also for free, go to twitch.tv slash lpntv to watch all of our streams.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But if you want to watch last stream on the left live, that's every Tuesday at 6 p.m. You can only watch it live if you're a Patreon member. But the barrier to entry on that is very low. Oh, it's super low. You got to come and see it. And come see us on tour in all of these wonderful cities.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And I will present to you... He's wearing a green leprechaun hat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, his hat is much nicer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, they really can't hear you at all. What is this?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
We have all of this. You can't see it if you're listening, but it is an actual paper mache model of the Twin Towers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Wow, it's even got Building 7.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Strap in. Buy your tickets at contactinthedesert.com, I believe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
It's fantastic. It's absolutely fantastic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah. It's really accurate. It is missing the antenna, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Yeah, yeah. You can send us an antenna.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Chad didn't go to Hawaii before Lori.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
But all this brings up a question about piety. See, if Chad and Lori were such super Mormons, then surely their dalliances were edging close to adultery. The sin closest to death. But Chad, not surprisingly, found a way around this little conundrum.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
See, in the LDS church, couples are sealed together for eternity when they're married in a Mormon temple, which wasn't a problem for Lori, because as far as I know, she'd never been married in a temple because all of her husbands were converts. And if you remember, two of her four weddings were held in Vegas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Chad, however, had been inextricably sealed to his wife Tammy in a temple almost 30 years before he met Lori. But using his real Mormon superpower of finding a way to justify almost anything, Chad convinced himself and Lori that they'd been married seven times in their past lives, going all the way back to the times of Jesus Christ.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
So, since Chad and Lori were already sealed in a kind of spiritual polygamy, they weren't committing adultery at all. Yeah. I got the same thing with Salma Hayek, but...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
Now, lest you think that this was just a spiritual journey for Chad and Lori, the sexual side of the relationship began quite quickly, although it was just a lot of talk at first.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
See, Chad told Lori that in the nights after they met, while they were still at the PAP conference, Lori's spirit had joined him in his hotel bed, and he had intense visions of all the passionate past-life lovemaking they'd engaged in together over the centuries. Well, from there, Chad picked up the old writer's quill and wrote God... Oh, time to get to work!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 611: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part III - Zombie Apocalypse
And he wrote god-awful erotic fiction starring Laurie and himself, substituting the names Chad and Laurie with James and Elena, which I suppose were names they both had in previous lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Furthermore, the birds introduced a hazard because thousands of birds produce hundreds of pounds of guano. Guano. Which slicked up every surface and likely splattered the survivors with bird shit on a near constant basis. Hell yeah. Yeah. Well, perhaps worst of all, though, were the noises the birds made.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
One of the species who made their home on Houtman's Abrolhos was the mutton bird, notorious for having a call that sounds like what I'd imagine one might hear while being haunted by the ghost of a colicky infant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, just before leaving Hauptmann's Abrolhos, upper merchant Pelsart had placed 180 survivors on the island that soon came to be known as Batavia's Graveyard. And the breakdown of the island's population was bad news for a large number of those people. In the beginning, almost half of the population on Batavia's Graveyard was as thus...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
20 men who had worked as VOC petty officers, coopers, carpenters, and smiths, 21 women, and 40 children. And that, of course, included the numerous cabin boys. Teenagers, mostly. But the tragedy in the population of Batavia's graveyard lay in the other half— The 100 seamen and soldiers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
These men, with few notable exceptions, were violent, rapacious, amoral, and soon to be very thirsty, very hungry, and worst of all, very bored.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And let me just tell you, we're listening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, without the might of their company behind them, the VOC petty officers had no real authority over the soldiers and sailors on Batavia's graveyard, so they fell back on protocol to see if they could keep the rougher members of the crew from surrendering to their basest instincts immediately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
As was VOC custom, the officers formed a council with the ship's surgeon at its head, because the surgeon was well-liked by everyone on board. But the council was then filled with other men of status like the provost, Pelsart's clerk, and the minister who was traveling to Java with his family. To represent the soldiers, the council allowed just one man, a corporal, to speak with their voice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Oh, yeah. Well, it's because the number of people on the island is going to get very important. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, while they were dying of thirst, some drank their urine, others unadvisedly drank seawater, and it's very likely, we've seen this happen many a time on our Shipwreck series, that they drank the blood from the seabirds and the adorable sea lions that were all wiped out within days of humans being introduced into their environment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And the man asking the logical questions here, Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
That's the same thing that happened with the dodo. They say that the dodo was famously dumb. The dodo was not famously dumb. The dodo was just very friendly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, soon enough, the problem of freshwater was solved when storms rolled in. The survivors used sailcloth to catch the rainwater and subsequently caught enough with each rainfall to at least save themselves from death by dehydration. Rations were still, however, very low.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Meanwhile, as people were dying of thirst on Batavia's graveyard, there were still 70 morons trying to ride out the disaster by staying on the rapidly deteriorating corpse of the Batavia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Still! Literally, yeah. That moronic crew included Euronymous Cornelis, who seemingly still had not taken up the responsibility of being in charge of the supplies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, maybe.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I can understand that. But regardless, Euronymous and his fellow idiots stayed on the Batavia for over a week after the crash. Because at least if it is, I know it's comforting, but it's still fucking stupid. Oh, yeah. Because the boat's gonna, the boat is gonna fucking deteriorate.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
That's a good word for it.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, I think if the ship is like just sort of stuck, then there's no like it would be ridiculous to just say like, all right, you're going to have to stay here maybe another week or two before this thing goes down.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, on June 12th, the Batavia finally broke apart under the pressure of the waves and its near constant contact with the reef that had sunk it. Out of the 70 men who stayed on the ship, 42 drowned when it sank. Morons. Remember, only one guy in seven on this ship can swim. And Euronymous Cornelis was one of those guys who couldn't swim.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. You're going to see a lot of parallels in this story. But before we get back into the tale of the Batavia, we'd like to clear something up that confused us back in episode one. Yeah.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
When the Batavia collapsed, he grabbed a piece of wood and drifted in the ocean for two days before washing up on an island. We were this close. Yeah, almost. And you also got to ask, like, what that did to his mental state as well. Oh, yeah. I mean, he probably got brain damage a little bit.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And also, I will now do anything to not be caught in that situation again. Oh, yeah.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
If I remember correctly, I think it has something to do with like swimming being associated with disease diagnosis. During this time period. Oh, okay. You get sick. Yeah, getting sick. Well, because, you know, if you lived in a city, you know, every body of water around you was filled with human feces and urine.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I wouldn't. No.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, the disintegration of the Batavia ended up being a blessing. Along with the 28 nitwits, barrels containing 500 gallons of freshwater and 500 gallons of wine washed up on the island shores. Once recovered, the men put the supplies in a central storage area, and by Upper Merchant Pelsart's orders, Euronymous Cornelis was finally put in charge of everything that kept the survivors alive.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
The recovered supplies, however, weren't anywhere near plentiful enough to sustain everyone. There were now 208 people left alive. Think about it. So now we're at 208. We started at 270. Now we're at 200. It's a week later and we're at 208. 62 in a week. Yeah.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
If you'll remember, before Upper Merchant Pelsart was put in charge of the Batavia, he had accidentally contributed to the death of a noblewoman in India when she drank a bottle of clove oil in his room just before they had sex. Yeah, it happens. Every day. Yeah, and we had no idea why Pelsart would have a bottle of clove oil present. But a helpful listener filled us in.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And even if they all lived on half rations, they still needed to consume three tons of meat and well over a thousand gallons of water every month. The seabirds and sea lions were also, as I said, all gone, meaning that what they'd recovered would last the survivors no more than a week before they would have to begin the discussion about the sea word. Come.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, I mean, really, when I wrote that, there were two options for which C word you were going to choose. And you went with the least likely one, and I commend you for that.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Cum is like, there's like a whole, when you watch the stream, it's like a catchphrase almost. Yeah, but the most famous C word. What? Cunt.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
No. Popular. When you refer to the C-word, most people don't think cum.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
He's dabbing. He's dabbing. For those of you, he's taking off his headphones and he's dabbing. No, the C word is cannibalism. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Well, more despair was introduced. Well, more despair was introduced when it became clear that the rescue expedition was not going to return with more fresh water. And that's if Pelsart and his men weren't already dead themselves.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
These mounting issues soon became too overwhelming for the ship's surgeon to handle as leader of the island council.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So, to share the load, he turned to the man in charge of the supplies, Euronymous Cornelis. And with dizzying speed, Euronymous took complete control by turning Batavia's graveyard into his own private dictatorship.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
During the sea voyage, Euronymous had little to no power, but once he was handed the leadership position, the survivors were listening to his every word and carrying out every order he gave, which of course led to immediate abuses of power. One of Euronymous' first orders was to give himself a large private tent, which was a dick move on an island with zero shelter.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Then, as befitting his rise in stature, he raided Upper Merchant Pelsart's closet and began wearing Pelsart's clothes, complete with Pelsart's commanding rank epaulets. Ah, yes.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Remember that Pelsart was a horny little devil. Yes. And apparently, clove oil has been used for centuries as a sexual lubricant. Okay. Particularly for anal sex.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I would not respect a man who just floated in on a board, and I would respect a man less who put on another man's clothing in an attempt to look more official.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. But on the other hand, I mean, as we've, you know, as the world has proved again and again, humiliating yourself does not preclude people from treating you as a godlike being.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Yeah. Well, once properly adorned, Euronymous gave orders to build rafts out of the empty supply barrels. He told people to explore the other islands. He told them to erect more tents. This is all perfectly reasonable things to do. Yes, it is, isn't it? But by the end of June, after about four weeks on Batavia's graveyard, the sailors, I suppose, ran out of things to talk about.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And one of them...
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, one of them began gossiping about the mutiny plot that had been afoot just before the ship wrecked on the reef. You wouldn't even fucking believe this, man. We were planning a mutiny. We fucking were going to kill all of you pieces of shit. Isn't that crazy, right? No, it was one of the mutineers. It wasn't just like I heard about this. It was just like, man.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, we're definitely going to kill everyone and become pirates, but that's not going to happen now, I guess. Best laid plans. Now, Euronymous's name wasn't being mentioned yet, but he knew that it was likely that upper merchant Pelsart was now headed straight to Java after failing to find more freshwater, and Pelsart would soon return with a ship and a crew of at least 20 men.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But since the mutiny plot was becoming common knowledge on the island, the survivors, when they were rescued, they would no doubt spill the details once Pelsart returned, and Euronymous' part would eventually be revealed, resulting in a trip to the VOC gallows.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So, after the word got out about the mutiny, Euronymous decided that his only hope of survival was to overtake the rescue ship and return to his original plan of becoming a dread pirate. But to do that, Euronymous needed sailors and soldiers, lots of them. So his mutiny recruitment resumed.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Well, over the course of just a week, Euronymous was able to recruit even more men for his plot than what he'd managed to persuade when the Batavia was still at sea. When he added his original gang to the new recruits, he found himself in the company of two dozen cutthroats and dastards anxious to join his pirate fantasy.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
What's interesting, though, is that no concrete details exist as to exactly how Euronymous was able to pull this off. But considering how charismatic and grossly unethical he was, it probably wasn't all that difficult. See, Euronymous was particularly good at making a case for common cause.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
That makes sense, yeah. And sailors love anal sex, historically. Well, clove oil is slippery, and it's a natural analgesic. Am I pronouncing that right? Analgesic? Analgesic? I don't fucking know. I don't know. Fuck juice. Yes, thank you, Eddie. Well, that means that it numbs whatever tissue it comes in contact with. These properties make it among the best anal lubes around.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
He told his men, he and them, they're the same, despite the fact that they were hardened men of action, and he was basically a pharmacist dandy turned sales rep.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
A dastard's like a bastard, but worse.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I usually put dastard with a high woman and pirates. Those are the men outside of the law.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
No. Right?
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. They're men of action and he's fiddling with his apothecary kit. Yes. Back in Amsterdam. But now they're on the sea and it's a whole different game.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
yeah and that's and that also like brings up the question is like you know some people when you are get faced with you know almost certain death like some people accept it and just sort of ride out the time you know some people try to do as much good as they can before they die and some people turn into absolute fucking monsters because they've wanted to they've wanted to be monsters their entire lives yeah and now they can be without consequence
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, from what it seems, the logical fallacy that held the mutiny together was thus. Since the VOC didn't care about what happened to its employees, Euronymous and his men didn't need to give a fuck about anyone but themselves.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
See, when Euronymous stepped into the power vacuum, you had a person in a position of authority telling these downtrodden soldiers and sailors that it was okay to act on their worst impulses at all times. That yada yada yada is super important. Yeah.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
In other words, dandies from rich families who have never done a hard day's work in their lives have been taking advantage of the worst impulses of the working class for centuries. And the worse the working class is treated, the easier it is for the dandies to turn them into monsters. See America from 2016 to present day for more details on that.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Men with the best potato bodies humanity has to offer.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, the men who would do the majority of the dirty work in Uranus' name over the coming months were the army cadets, young men between 21 and 25 years old, otherwise known as the most dangerous demographic of humans on the planet.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Now, 16-year-olds have always, they've been dangerous for a long while now, but 21 to 25, they've got a little bit of intelligence to them, and that makes them particularly dangerous. There were, however, men in Euronymous's crew outside of the soldier and sailor set who may have just been drawn to the allure of the pirate's life, like the 23-year-old Dutch locksmith.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And in fact, clove oil is still used in anal lubrication products today. The preferred brand for many being Swiss Navy, or so I've been told.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
He joined with little hesitation, didn't really have any reason to join, just did it because he wanted to.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Likewise, the man who became Euronymous' principal lieutenant, the man who would organize the gang and ensure the orders were carried out, he wasn't a soldier or a sailor either. Rather, Euronymous' right hand was another VOC officer, an assistant from Amsterdam named David Zavank, who would prove to be one of the most violent psychopaths in this story.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
It is, however, important to note that like many demagogues who get off on hurting people en masse, Euronymous Cornelis, with one pathetic exception, never got his hands dirty himself.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, he was a bitch. Yeah. And so, once his crew was established, Euronymous slowly began to detach himself and his gang from the other survivors, starting with the confiscation of anything that could be used as a weapon, but specifically the swords and the muskets.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Once he removed the survivors' means of defending themselves, Euronymous and his right-hand man, David Zavak, came up with a plan to take control of the islands using cold calculation and subtle manipulation.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Their first priority was reducing how many mouths they had to feed, both to conserve supplies and to limit the risk that their conspiracy to steal the rescue ship and strand everyone else might be discovered.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
After conferring with Zavak, Euronymous decided that cutting the number of survivors by half and condemning over a hundred people to death would be a good start, although violent murder was not their first method.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Rather, Euronymous had his followers explore the nearby islands on rafts with the goal of finding an island without any resources where they could send a large group to die of dehydration or hunger.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
That's the Dutch.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Now, to get the geography straight in our heads here, the survivors would ultimately be spread across four islands in the Hauptmann-Abrolos chain, but the three islands that became the site of Euronymous' atrocities were grouped together in a close triangle formation. The topmost island in the triangle was Batavia's graveyard, the so-called womb-shaped island.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, the cheese.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I was thinking about sticking fingers in the dykes.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Actually, it's not even pear-shaped either.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, half a mile to the south was a supposedly mushroom-shaped island. Oh, fuck. Although after looking at it on a map, I'd say it's more like a liver. I'm going to flip out. I'm going to flip out. Well, the liver-shaped island was where Pelsart had consolidated supplies before exiling most of the survivors to Batavia's graveyard.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So the mutineers rechristened Pelsart's former base as Traitor's Island, as a slight to those who had abandoned them. And in the middle of it, we'll change it to the Gulf of...
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
This was brilliant branding on Euronymous's part, calling it Trader's Island. Because if a demagogue wants to maintain the anger of his followers, it's essential to create labels and catchphrases that constantly remind them of their grievances. Modern day example being like DEI. You know, you say that word and immediately people become dissatisfied with their lot in life.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
It makes them blame their misfortunes on others, you know, blame their failures on others. Yes. It just keeps it always fucking pressing that fucking anger button.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Yeah, we showed him on the stream a couple of, like, last night or two nights ago, and you just fucking lost your mind.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
The Danish girl?
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And if you want to hear that conversation, including the larger conversation about the testicle sizes of various male celebrities, go to our YouTube channel and watch Last Dream on the left or watch it live on our Patreon. Cut! We'll see you next Tuesday.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I'm trying to. Yeah, we will. Now, about a mile east of Trader's Island was Seal's Island, so named for the hundreds of seals that had made their home there prior to the arrival of the Batavia. By the end of June, all the seals had been eaten and the only water sources were brackish pools, but the only people who knew that for sure were Euronymous and his crew.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
With this in mind, Euronymous told a group of men, women, and children that Seals Island had plenty of resources, and since these people still trusted their leader at this point, 40 survivors readily agreed to be ferried a mile southeast,
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, after sending 40 people off to Seal's Island, a further 15 men, led by the ship's provost, were sent to Trader's Island with tools to build rafts. Rafts that would ostensibly be used to travel to the other islands northwest of Batavia's graveyard. These islands, located a little over three miles away, the largest islands by far, were dubbed the Highlands.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Because it was the only place on any of these islands that had an elevation above six feet.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
booze calories booze would be better only because booze does a thing booze makes me really not give a shit oh really I love weed but then you get dehydrated and you die well again great same with weed well it was on the highlands that Euronymous would enact his most insidious master stroke in taking total control he gathered together the soldiers most loyal to the VOC 20 men in all and sent them to the highland to find water sources
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Leading this group was a soldier named Viva Hias, who was said to be a man of considerable ability whose character and sense of purpose were unusual for a private soldier of this time. Now, Euronymous told the loyal VOC men, led by Viva Hias, that they would be dropped off at the highlands, where they would search for water and light signal fires if and when they found it.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So now that we got that out of the way, let's return to the Batavia.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Once the fires were lit, Batavia's graveyard would come to their aid and bring them back to home base with all that water in tow. But, Euronymous knew that Captain Yakups and Upper Merchant Pelsart had already searched the highlands for water and found nothing.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So, it was Euronymous' hope that he could dump them in, most likely to challenge his mutiny on a barren dirt ball where they'd die of thirst. You know, I just feel like it's not a good thing to count against the trained soldiers. Yeah, exactly.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And so, once Vivahius and his men were stranded on the highlands with no way of returning on their own, Euronymous had condemned 75 survivors to near certain death, and in the process had removed most of the men and boys who might have fought back when the time came for Euronymous to take full control.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Absolutely. No, when he was sending everyone off to the different islands, oh yeah, they had already had the conversation of like, how are we going to do this? How are we going to take the number down to enough people where when the rescue boats come, we can easily take them over and get the fuck out of here.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
When we last left the doomed ship, it had been shipwrecked for four days on a reef 50 miles off the western coast of Australia. Once the Batavia was deemed a loss, the survivors took refuge on a chain of mostly barren islands called Hauptmann's Abrolhos.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But even with the removal of 75 people, there were still 133 survivors on Batavia's graveyard, including Euronymous and his two dozen compatriots. Far more than what the supplies could support. So, finally, Euronymous came to the conclusion that their only remaining option was murder. Murder.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I would say more of a suppose. I suppose.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, Euronymous was far too smart to just start killing people willy-nilly. Instead, he began by disguising the thinning of the herd as law and order, which is usually how things like this get going. The first victim was a soldier who'd been caught tapping a wine barrel outside of his normal rations. Under interrogation, i.e.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
torture, he admitted that he'd been doing this for quite some time and even ratted out his friend who'd been sharing the spoils. It's an addiction!
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now this offense was brought before the island's council, the one that was originally led by the surgeon and was still made up of mostly higher class passengers and crew from the Batavia.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But as we mentioned, Euronymous had taken control of the council at the surgeon's insistence, and Euronymous surprised everyone by insisting that both wine thieves be executed to send a strong message against stealing. Now, the council refused to agree to a death sentence for something so minor.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So, as is common when dictators are seizing control, Hieronymus threw a tantrum, dissolved the original council, and formed a new one with his fellow mutineers. Fairly similar, not one-to-one, but fairly similar to how the Nazis did it. Lacking weapons or the will to resist, the original council members had no recourse but to let it happen.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Chiefly, the Batavia had rammed into the reef at full speed because its captain, Ariana Jacobs, had become wrapped up in a mutiny plot with VOC undermerchant, Euronymous Cornelis. He had therefore missed the ever-important turn north to the West Indies island of Java, where the VOC had set up its corporate colonial capital. He's doing the L.A.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
In short order, the new council executed the soldier who tapped the wine by drowning him, loudly and publicly, then quickly sentenced two more men to death on bogus charges to fully establish the new order of things. We kill people now. The second execution orders were directed at two carpenters accused of secretly building small sailboats so they could selfishly escape. They weren't.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And for that, they were stabbed to death by swords by Euronymous's gang.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
build the boat well i mean it was so they were trying to build sailboats yeah yeah i guess i really the the the logic here is so twisted so much of the time like a lot of the shit that they do just doesn't really make sense and they just kind of have to wave it away uh and they eventually almost for the
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
payment and the cruelty the pain and the cruelty of it oh absolutely the cruelty is very much the point most of the time uh but eventually i think the cruelty also starts to happen with more regularity so they don't have to answer the types of questions that ed just asked yeah and yeah which is going to start happening to eddie yeah when he keeps asking these fucking questions to our leader how dare you i say it's now he gets 10 ball spanks yeah
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, the thinning of the ranks to save supplies was not Euronymous' only motivation for executing survivors. If Euronymous' pirate plan was to succeed, the two dozen mutineers would need to survive on the island until the VOC's return without any interference from VOC loyalists, so any possible descent had to be stopped before it even began.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Euronymous, however, couldn't yet murder people out in the open, and he could only fabricate so many charges worthy of execution. So, his mutineer council came up with the plan to disappear the remaining VOC loyalists by taking them out on so-called search missions and drowning them on the open sea.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, we'll be lying. But then we get to murder. Yeah. And which is worse? Hypocrisy.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, the first group, two soldiers and two seamen, were taken out by a gang of six who rode until Batavia's graveyard was no longer in view. Once out of sight, the mutineers grabbed the loyalists, tied their hands and feet, and threw them overboard to drown.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. But out of the four men set to be executed, a VOC cadet begged for his life and succeeded. He pledged total loyalty to the mutineers, meaning he was now required to do anything Euronymous or his men asked of him under pain of death.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
This cadet was the first of many survivors to join the mayhem in order to save their own skin, and in the weeks to come, these cowards would do terrible things over and over again just to prove their allegiance. Now, since the first group execution had gone well, Euronymous ordered another two days later, but this time it was more about settling a personal beef.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
One mutineer, an absolutely psychopathic German named Mattis Beer, who would eventually kill dozens, he had pegged two VOC men as cacklers, meaning they talk too loudly. Why are you fucking pointing at me?
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
We would not have a wedding joke today. Well, amongst the cacklers drowned at sea was the ship's upper trumpeter. And I just wanted to talk about this guy because I find this job fascinating. It's like more or less the ship's house band. He'd use a trumpet or a drum, and he'd set the work pace. He'd signal workers when it was time to eat meals. Boop, boop.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
and communicate between ships in the flotilla. Ah, regular miles from Land Davis. Whoa!
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But the second set of executions marked a turning point in the island mutiny. Instead of killing someone solely because they were loyal to the VOC, Euronymous was now giving permission to kill simply because a mutineer didn't like someone, which, of course, edged them closer and closer to murder most willy-nilly.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Willy nilly murder is some of the most devastating actions that can happen to society.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
It does. It does. But, I mean, technically, you know, genocide is by definition willy nilly.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But from the last I saw, she wasn't so little to me. You know what I'm saying? Okay, so you're going to start this whole thing with talking about how attractive you think the Little Mermaid is.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Actually, my wife also doesn't understand directions either.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I would actually argue that the Holocaust is the opposite of willy-nilly. The Holocaust was highly organized.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
What Stalin did. Organized. I was going to say Stalin. Now that's willy-nilly. He was very willy-nilly. He was very willy-nilly. Okay. Yeah, the famines in Ukraine. Yeah, okay. Or in Ukraine. Yeah, that's willy-nilly.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Organized.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Oh, a silly word. Bingy-bongy?
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, by this point, Euronymous had ordered the deaths of eight men, five secretly and three publicly.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Neuronymous had also consolidated control by dissolving the original council and forming a new one made up of his most trusted lieutenants. He'd also successfully ease the pressure on supplies by sending large groups of survivors to die on other islands. This also divided his potential enemies into four separate camps, two of which had no way of returning to Batavia's graveyard.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But the problem with sending away men like Viva Hayes is that the most loyal soldiers on the Batavia were also the most capable. Because as it turns out, men who are willing to murder dozens of people to fulfill a pirate fantasy are probably not going to be the ship's best and brightest. It's called fascist brain drain. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what it is.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, as it turned out, the men Euronymous had stranded on the highlands survived for three weeks before finding several water sources on July 9th.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Of course they're going to find it. They're the best guys. Per his orders, Vivahius lit signal fires so Euronymous could send men to bring them back. The fires, of course, were a most unwelcome sight to Euronymous and his men.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, the panic truly began to set in for Euronymous when he saw that the group over on Trader's Island were not waiting for him to give the go-ahead to meet Viva on the highlands, because Euronymous had apparently forgotten that he'd given them orders to build boats.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Within minutes of seeing the signal fires, the Trader's Island group launched two small craft towards the highland islands, loaded with a group of Dutch soldiers, the Batavius provost, his wife and child, a German soldier and his wife, and another woman.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
traveling with her child now since the visibility on the open ocean is surprisingly good you can actually see like three miles at the outset with the naked eye euronymous was easily able to see the rafts leaving trader's island from his vantage point on batavia's graveyard which was just half a mile away this was worrisome because he knew that if the rafts reached the highlands and returned with viva's group his short reign as leader would likely end with a voc sanctioned execution
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So he made the immediate decision to send out his own men to intercept the Trader's Island group with orders to kill everyone with no exceptions. A group of seven, led by David Zavank, caught up to the Trader's Island boats and boarded them, where they immediately forced four soldiers overboard to their deaths.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Well, after taking control of the boats, Euronymous' men then returned to Batavia's graveyard with most of the passengers. See, now that a rival group was in play, Euronymous decided to make a bloody and brutal example of what would happen if anyone else decided to join Viva Hyas on the highland islands.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Once the first boat landed, Euronymous' men began by pulling the provost and his child onto the shore, where they hacked them to pieces with their swords. Two more men were pulled out along with another child, who were also hacked to death.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
After seeing this, four men on the second boat jumped up and waded to shore, where they ran to Euronymous and begged him to call off his men, not knowing that it was Euronymous who'd personally given the kill-em-all order.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So, after giving his prisoners a glare, Euronymous told his men to give them no quarter, and all four were pinned to the ground with pikes before being chopped to death with swords and axes.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
No idea. No clue, yeah. Well, the remaining prisoners were three women, but they weren't spared either. After watching their husbands and children die on the orders of the man who'd sworn to protect them, the women were shoved into the water and drowned. And all 15 people have been gruesomely murdered in full view of the remaining survivors on both Batavia's graveyard and Trader's Island.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
After the first of many massacres to come, the number still alive ticked down to 133.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
You know, your Marlon Brando sounds like Dom DeLuise doing Marlon Brando. Now, after seeing what happened if you made Euronymous angry, about a dozen men pledged their undying loyalty directly to Euronymous, some to try and protect their families and some just to get bigger rations of food, water and wine.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But Euronymous didn't really trust the men who joined only after they witnessed the massacre, so any new recruit that wasn't a part of the original gang of 24 had to regularly demonstrate their loyalty in increasingly cruel ways. One of the first ordeals was endured by a German soldier named Hans, who'd boarded the Batavia with his wife and child.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
He joined the mutiny after the shipwreck in hopes of protecting his family, but he had no way of knowing that his loyalty test would render his plan moot.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Where Euronymous invited Hans and his family into his tent for dinner. But in the middle of the meal... I hope you like calamari. It's made out of bird.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But while they were eating their meal, one of Euronymous' men went over to Hans' tent and strangled Hans' daughter to death.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Of course, when Hans and his wife got back to the tent, they discovered their daughter had been murdered, and they had a pretty damn good idea of who had murdered her. Nevertheless, a couple days later, Hans signed a written, unbreakable oath of loyalty to Euronymous and his men, probably to try to save the life of his wife.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I'm not. Yeah, you're going to be fucking putting us right.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
You guys sound like a couple of drag queens.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
For the next loyalty test, Euronymous ordered the VOC assistant who turned coat during the first set of boat executions to slit the throats of every man, woman, and child in the sick tent. Eleven people in all, too sick to move from scurvy or fever. With four of Euronymous' men supervising, the assistant did as he was told.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And when five more men were put in the sick tent a few days later, the assistant cut their throats too. From that moment on, the assistant had a new job. Because sickness on Batavia's graveyard was a death sentence for all except those who were friends with the gang. Think about that. Within a few days, they have two mass murders, two massacres. One day, 15 people are killed.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
A few days later, 11 people are murdered. A few days after that, five more are killed. And this is going at such a quick fucking pace.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, after the massacre, staying over on the other side of the island, that didn't fucking work anymore. There really wasn't a need to keep up any pretense of a just society. And since the mutineers still needed to thin the ranks, Euronymous gave them permission to kill whoever they wanted, whenever they wanted, however they wanted, just so long as the person didn't have an important job.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Like, you couldn't kill the surgeon, but the guy who was kind of good at catching fish, yeah, you could kill him if you wanted.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But if he's only kind of good at it. Yeah.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Bad birds. And by the way, all this occurred a little over a month after the Batavia was shipwrecked. And by my reckoning, all of this took place in the first week that Euronymous took control. All of this.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I'll get to what they did with the gold in a second. It's fucking so stupid. No, God, here! Ha, ha, ha. The second victim, however, was far more resilient. Or, at the very least, I think the guys kind of got a little cute with it and decided to make this murder far more brutal. Problem was, they didn't have the tools to do it right. The second guy was stabbed in the chest repeatedly.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Thank you. Well, back to the Batavia. After Upper Mercer... Sergeant Francisco Pelsart spent four days searching for fresh water to no avail. In addition to directing the retrieval of as much VOC loot as could be recovered, he decided, as the man in charge of the expedition, that the VOC's best interest would be served if he left to get help in Java on the Batavia's best lifeboat.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But the knife snapped. A second knife was used.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But that one broke too.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
One of the mutineers then grabbed a pair of daggers and drove them into the victim's neck. Okay, I like that one. There is something kind of funny about someone getting stabbed in the neck. I don't know what it is. But the mutineer managed to miss the veins, the arteries, and the windpipe.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Finally, the executioner had to dig into the victim's wounds to find a sliver of a broken knife that was sharp enough. And when he did, he ended the farce by slitting the victim's throat. It took so long. And they broke like six knives. What the fuck?
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Just drown them. But it's not as fun. Honestly. I mean, with these guys, they get such a taste for murder. And they start to get inventive with it. Like they want to see all the different ways that a man can die. And they like watching men die. It's entertainment. It's like why people go to executions or why they went back in the day because they like seeing people die.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And these psychopaths, they get the opportunity. It's like every serial killer's fucking wet dream. It's the opportunity to just go onto an island and be able to kill whoever you want, whenever you want, however you want, without consequence. And not only that, you've got people backing you up. The dream.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, the timeline is a little hazy here, but from what I can tell, after six weeks on the island and about a month after Euronymous took total control, his men had continuing murdering people at such a rate that they'd successfully killed no less than 50 men, women, and children.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Where Batavia's graveyard had started with 140 survivors, they were now down to 90, and Euronymous wasn't even halfway done. But killing, of course, can only take up so much time in your day, and with the three eastern islands firmly under their control, the mutineer's chief enemy soon became... Boredom.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
While some men spent their time catching fish and birds, others devoted their day to more death. They made homemade morning stars from clubs, strips of lead, and long iron nails affixed to short lengths of rope. These guaranteed painful, drawn-out deaths, which, as I just said, were themselves a form of entertainment.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And so, on June 8, 1628, upper merchant Pelsart took the ship's best sailors and a handful of the Batavia's paying customers and pushed off with 48 people all told.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, as far as what Euronymous did when he wasn't giving out orders, this answers your question. He invited his men into his tent to run their fingers through the treasures he'd managed to salvage from the Batavia's holds.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And this is all while he told them that these treasures were nothing compared to the riches they'd earned from their future careers in piracy. It's basically story time. And he's further manipulating these men. He's driving the idea into their heads. Like, if you keep acting like a monster and you keep doing what I say, this will be the rest of your life.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, there were actually plenty of ports back in these days that were pirate cities, basically, where these people could go and trade for goods with their ill-gotten gains.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Blackbeard, you mean? Yes. Not Billy the Kid.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Oh, the fences.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Towns, yeah. But fantasies would only hold the attentions of Euronymous and his gang for so long. So on July 15th, Euronymous ordered the execution of everyone remaining on Seals Island, except for the women. In my view, this was either to give his men an activity or to fulfill his ever-growing lust for the feeling he got when he ordered others to commit murder.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yep, on this episode.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, you think it's the second? I think it's both. Oh, well, I think it's for if he wanted that.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, but when the people that you're giving them that you need to give something to do, when they're a bunch of murderous, rapacious sailors and soldiers, they're not going to be really, like, down for, like, a fun word like charades.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
You just have to start going down the list, going down the line. But no matter the motivation, what followed on Seal's Island is true savagery unleashed. An indiscriminate slaughter of the innocents committed by men who were proving that at certain points in history, devils have walked this earth. I love the sky riding the spot.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, this butchery was committed by just seven men armed with swords, daggers, and, of course, their homemade morning stars. Leading them was former VOC assistant David Zavank, who never missed an opportunity to participate in a mass murder.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Absolutely. There was, however, still the issue of the brewing mutiny, which Pelsart had sussed out after the mutineer's pathetic attempt to get him to punish the entire crew by attacking his crush with a bucket of feces and tar while wearing disguises.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
He was a very active man. Hey. Yeah. You know, again, don't want to be bored. I mean, if you could compare him to anyone, I'd put him more as like, say, a commandant in like an Eidensatzgruppen.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And so, once the attackers disembarked from their boat to enact the massacre on Seals Island, one of the mutineers, in a move that effectively announced that no one was safe from what was about to come, he stabbed a child in the chest as his first move.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
In quick order, the mutineers then cut down five cabin boys and three men with their swords, then split up to chase down the rest of the totally defenseless survivors who'd scattered across the small island, which was a space no bigger than a small city park.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, 12 of the remaining cabin boys hid themselves in bushes in the middle of the island, but one cabin boy was grabbed by David Zavank, who told the boy that he must help lustily to kill, lest he be killed himself.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Yeah. He was damn near a stowaway. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the 15 year old cabin boy agreed to the terms. And after being handed a knife, he chased down one of the other boys before pinning him to the ground and stabbing him to death.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But once the mutineers tired out, they dragged the wounded to the sea, six people, and held their heads under the water until they drowned. Four pregnant women were found, but spared. Aww! And the mutineers returned to Batavia's graveyard with the newly murderous cabin boy recruit, having killed 16 people.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, from what it seems like, Euronymous considered the massacre to be a bit of a half-step. A few days later, he ordered his followers to sail back in the middle of the night to finish off the cabin boys who'd hidden the bushes. And once the group of 12 were found, most were bashed to death with morning stars and stabbed with daggers.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But now she's got dookie on her.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Meanwhile, in another horrific loyalty test, the new cabin boy recruit they picked up last time they were on Seals Island, they ordered him to murder the four pregnant women they'd spared. And the cabin boy did as he was told by slitting the throats of all four while they slept.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, you're fine. You're good. You're doing good. Yeah, right? Yeah, you're doing real.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Just shut the fuck up. Get this fucking kid away from me. I fucking can't stand up. Hey, yeah, I'm ready to kill again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm bored. Great, great, great. I'm bored.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I'm bored! I'm bored! I'm bored! I'm bored!
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, three cabin boys survived the second massacre on Seals Island, but were caught almost a week later when they emerged from hiding. Two of them were brought back to Batavia's graveyard and drowned, while the third begged for his life and ultimately joined the men who'd been trying to kill him for days on end.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, by this point, Euronymous had ensured that almost every one of his followers had murdered someone, but he'd never actually killed anyone himself.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
That all changed, however, when Euronymous decided to murder an infant, which is either the easiest or hardest murder, depending on your point of view.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
You can just leave it outside. It goes. I could kill a man easier than I could kill a baby, but I could kill a baby easier than I could kill a six-year-old.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So I had a lot of time, just like four hours, so I could roll in through things.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
See, Batavia's graveyard was home to quite a few mothers in the beginning. But there had been one infant who'd been crying every night and keeping people awake. Euronymous was particularly annoyed. So he opened his apothecary satchel, salvaged from the Batavia, and mixed a potion called Mercurium Sublimatum to kill the baby. But, as I said on the first episode, Euronymous was a shitty apothecary.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So while the poison did quiet the baby down somewhat, it didn't do its ultimate job. Instead, Euronymous just put the baby in a kind of half coma. But he, of course, didn't have the stones to finish the job himself. Well, instead, Euronymous forced Upper Merchant Pelsart's clerk to kill the baby. Yeah, you done.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Partly as a little fuck you to Pelsart, and partly because Euronymous knew that the clerk was a coward who'd do anything Euronymous told him to do. Because I'd imagine killing a baby might have been too much to ask for some of Euronymous's mutineers. Yeah.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yarr, it is. kill the baby. No, he didn't.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
In the end, he actually didn't kill anybody because it was the clerk who did it. Because after fetching the clerk, Euronymous and his followers went to the infant's tent and took it from its mother's arms.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Taking orders like the coward he was, the clerk carried the baby outside, took the little noose, and strangled it to death, making the infant the 105th murder victim to fall prey to Euronymous's will since the takeover.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, well, so he left her with all the rapacious fucking sailors and semen? I think he was like, we'll figure this out later.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Okay. And this is not cute. I'm just saying, Marcus.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, unfortunately for the rest of the survivors, 105 people murdered still didn't get the mutineers close to their goal of ultimately bringing down the population down to 45 or less. So the massacres continued, one after another. The next mass killing involved the family of the aforementioned minister, Gisbert Bastions. It's a hard name. Gisbert. Gisbert. Gisbert. Gisbert had brought... Gisbert.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
We can just call him the American Gisbert. Gisbert. Gisbert had brought seven of his eight children on the Batavia to join him on Java, where he had planned to be a spiritual leader to the Dutch settlers. This is my son, Gisbert Jr.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Don't forget my daughter, Jizzman.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But while there had been anywhere between 8 and 18 men involved in the mutiny before the shipwreck, the only two mutineers Pelsart had positively pegged were Captain Ariana Jacobs and the Boatswain. And yes, we're now well aware that the word Boatswain is generally pronounced Boatswain.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, Minister Bastions believed at this point that his family was safe because his daughter had been courted by a mutineer who'd murdered half a dozen people already. And the minister had encouraged this engagement in the hopes that it would keep his family alive. But the quota of 45 had to be met. Sands are tied. And Euronymous was playing a larger game besides.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
A few days after the massacre on Seals Island wrapped up, the minister and his daughter, the one engaged in the mutineer, they were lured away from their family tent with the promise of a meal. Pretty much the same game that he played with Hans.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
How much jizz is on it?
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
While they were gone, David Zavank and eight other mutineers dug a grave pit as deep as they could manage, then snuck over to the minister's tent armed with hatchets and daggers. Um, excuse me, what is that pit for? Are you making a pool? Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! I figure, you know, even though you're here on the ocean, sometimes it's nice, you know, to have a pool.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, the first person killed at the minister family tent was the family servant, called from the tent, then stabbed and left to die. With her out of the way, Zavank entered the tent with his men, grabbed their oil lamp, and said, quote, Here has been reported hidden goods of the company that we will search for, and we will get them.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
With that, Zevank blew out the lamp, and in the pitch black, murdered the minister's wife and children, aged 8 to 23, by caving in their skulls or beating them to death. Seven kids in all. The only one to almost escape was the youngest, as he was small enough to duck through the legs of his attacker.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But Zevank was nearby, and without a thought, he brought his hatchet down hard on the 8-year-old and killed him. The last person alive was the mother, who by this point survived many stab wounds, bludgeons, and gashes. So, a mutineer finished her off by turning her skull into mush, and once everyone was dead, the corpses were dragged to the freshly dug grave bed and tossed inside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I, however, am of the opinion that pronouncing it Boatswain robs the word of its magic, because I love saying Boatswain. It's a better word. Boatswain's a much better word. Than Boatswain? Yeah, then bosun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
It's much easier. It's the oldest rule of comedy. Tragedy plus time equals comedy. Now, the minister was quite understandably broken by the murder of his wife and children. The day after the massacre, he was ordered to stop weeping and get back to work. And when the minister did as he was told, Euronymous's ultimate plan concerning the murder of the minister's family was complete.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
See, in addition to bringing the island's numbers down, Euronymous had ordered the murder of the minister's family to maintain control over his gang. With the island's only man of God, an empty husk, it was less likely for him to convince people that murder was wrong, or to even introduce the idea of guilt over everything they'd already done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
That left the amoral Gnostic dogma preached by Euronymous himself as the only philosophical game in town, and Euronymous used his dogma to shield the mutineers from fear of criticism or divine retribution.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
As author Mike Dash put it, Euronymous had created a society where his followers owed loyalty to him and him alone, where they were bound together not only by their crimes, but also by their rejection of conventional authority. As such, Euronymous told his followers to reject the VOC rules that had previously stopped them from blaspheming and swearing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And to add insult to injury, he even encouraged them to openly ridicule the minister in his grief. Which is usually fun. It's usually really fun to make fun of a minister, a priest, any man of God. You can make fun of any of them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
You can't do it by killing his entire family, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
That's how it's generally pronounced. It can also be pronounced boatswain. So I suppose I'll just have to endure the chuckles of all our seamen out there. Yes. Because for me, it'll always be boatswain. Because you know how big we are amongst sailors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But what Your Honor specifically took from it is that Gnostics also believe that God and the devil are of equal power. And so if God and the devil are of equal power, therefore there's really no such thing as good or evil, because good and evil are equal. It can be pervert, like it can be looked at in a bunch of different ways.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But Euronymous specifically perverted that belief to say like, well, if there's no good and evil, then that means no sin exists, which means that I can do anything I want without any sort. Like he still believed he could go to heaven. Yeah. Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Common service.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, that's how the whole thing works. In fact, that's absolutely what I'm about to talk about right now. All right, great. Yeah, and by the way, at this point, only seven women are left alive. Most of them have been killed at this point. They said either for being too old or for being pregnant. But yeah, only seven women are still alive out of the 22 that started off on the journey.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now holding together this new nightmare society where the oaths of trust, Euronymous forced his men to sign. These were contracts which swore loyalty to each other and to Euronymous, making them obedient to him in every way in whatever he should order them to do. These oaths, signed by 36 men by the end of it, also enforced a strict hierarchy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
All who signed renounced anything that may have come before the islands, and they therefore took new ranks. Euronymous, for example, the former lowly undermerchant, was now known as the Captain Generals. Two things, captain and general.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Well, to match his impressive title, Euronymous continually modified the uniform he'd stolen from upper merchant Pelsart, gussying up his look by adding ornamental trimming, gold lace, ribbons, and medals he made himself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
We have a ton of listeners in the Navy. It's true. A ton. So I'm sorry, Navy people, but I'm going to have to go with Boatswain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Euronymous, however, wasn't the only one to get perks. The mutineers, who'd proved to be more violent and murderous than all the others, were given two rows of ornamental trimming to add to their outfits. And the men who held the highest status in the gang were the ones who'd recently killed the most people. So you had to keep killing in order to stay up top. It was like a leaderboard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, when it came to new recruits who really took to the murder aspect of being in Euronymous's gang, there were none who went through a more drastic change than cabin boy Jan Pelgrim, who became such a terror that he was mentioned in several journals.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Once Pelgrim joined the gang, he became the typical overzealous convert, swearing far more than was necessary and mocking God with the energy that only a teenager can muster. From accounts, Pelgrim would run around the island yelling things like, quote,
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
fucking voice is like a goddamn dagger. Yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, I know you will. I know, Yawn. Yay! I know, Yawn! Yawn, I know! I know, Yawn! Yawn, time to calm down. I'm bored!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
These kids have no patience. But Pelgrim's claim that he could stab someone to death very beautifully was all talk, but not because he lacked the will. Since Pelgrim was very small and weak for his age, he was ironically the only person on Batavia who didn't have the strength to murder anyone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, the baby was already dead by the time Pelgrim got on board, so the easiest death was already taken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
No. This is a different boy. Henry used the same voice for two different boys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Same across the board. Well, in one particularly pathetic display, Euronymous, after being pestered by a pilgrim for weeks, finally gave his overzealous convert permission to kill the cabin boy who mended the fishing net.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
This, however, was actually Pelgrim's second attempt at murder, as sometime earlier, he'd failed to strangle one of the women due to his puny frame, and one of the mutineers had been forced to finish the job for him. Is this Hezbollah?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
It feels like it's Hezbollah. Yeah, like a little two MMA fighters? Yeah. And so, in a scene reminiscent of a murderous game of t-ball, the mutineers tied up the cabin boy who mended the fishing nets so Pelgrim could chop off his head. But once again, Pelgrim was foiled by his own frailty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Pelgrim attempted to swing the sword he was given again and again, but he was so weak that the blows didn't even break the skin on the victim's neck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
It's hard. They have no standards. Finally, though, a mutineer stepped in. It wasn't that the knife wasn't sharp enough. It was that Pelgrim seriously could barely swing a sword. He was so fucking weak. A mutineer stepped in and took the cabin boy's head off with one fucking single swing. Ah, come on!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Pelgrim was, of course, infuriated by his own failure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And continued to beg for another chance, saying he would rather kill than eat or drink.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
You can't cut... Pelgrim, you can't cut anything off. I just... You can't cut anything off. We tried again and again. We tried to give you the fucking hair tie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yep. Yeah. And the other sailors, or the mutineers, they kind of thought he was funny. Of course. They encouraged him. Yeah, it's cute. Yeah, yeah. Say more like, hey, pilgrim, say fuckhead. Fuckhead. It's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But since Pelsart knew the captain and the boatswain were a part of the mutiny plot, he decided to keep his enemies close and ordered them to join him on the rescue mission to Java. With their mutineers still scattered, the captain and the boatswain had no choice but to comply and face whatever fate awaited them at the VOC colonial capital.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. Now, obviously, the murders have been coming fast and loose for some time. But they only got worse when Euronymous got paranoid and began ordering the deaths of anyone who might pose a challenge to his rule. And this, which happens in dictatorships all the fucking time. Yes. And the murders, as a result, were getting more gruesome. The ship's surgeon, for example...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
still well-liked by everyone on the island despite everything, and still extremely important to their survival, his death was ordered by Euronymous. Because Euronymous was worried, I think the surgeon's starting to take... He's starting to think! He's thinking about taking over.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
The surgeon was stabbed repeatedly by a pike before his head was smashed in with a morning star and it was cut away from his body. But there had been one murder that hadn't worked out as planned, and that failure would threaten the twisted world Euronymous had built.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
See, soon after the minister massacre, David Zavonk ordered a new recruit to break his murder cherry by killing the Batavia's underbarber. So the recruit lured the underbarber out of his tent with a story about catching birds.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But when another mutineer jumped out and the two men tried ambushing their victim, you're going to hate this ad, their swords were so blunt that the underbarber was barely wounded.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Underbarber, yeah. Well, the underbarber ran away and hid, but luckily, the new recruit wasn't all that jazzed about killing in the first place, and his accomplice was just fucking lazy. So, they had a little conversation and convinced themselves that they had mortally wounded their target.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, and once the mutineers were gone, the Underbarber snuck over to one of the poorly guarded boats and sailed for the highlands, where Viva Hayes and the other VOC loyalist soldiers had been thriving for weeks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
They're having the best vacation of their lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
It's like all these seals. Yeah, listen to this shit. I mean, Viva's men had discovered after properly exploring the two islands that every single person who had survived the shipwreck, all 270 people, could have lived on the highlands indefinitely without ever running out of food or water. Yes. Viva's men found sources of water so rich they didn't need to ration at all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And each man had his fill of fish... and birds, and eggs. They said that all the birds laid eggs as large as a hen's egg. You wouldn't even believe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
That's what we were doing. They even discovered a mammal to eat. There was a type of wallaby called a tamar. Viva's men called them cats. And they were, just like everything else on the highlands, easily caught and delicious. Love these guys. Yeah. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now upper merchant Pelsart told everyone before leaving that he would try as hard as he could to find a source of fresh water and replenish the island's supplies before ultimately making his way to Java 2,000 miles north.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But that's all to say that while the survivors under Euronymous' rule were living a never-ending nightmare, teetering on the edge of starvation, Viva's men had found a relative paradise where everyone was chill and the guy in charge was an actual good person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Well, I mean, everything would have been fine for the survivors. Everything would not have been fine for Euronymous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yep. The tranquility of the highlands was shattered when survivors began showing up from Batavia's graveyard in small groups because Euronymous had not been able to maintain a tight seal over the three islands under his control.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yes. Yes. I was wondering what you were going to do with that. Eight survivors had managed to escape the initial massacre on Seals Island by raft, and a further 20 washed up in groups of four or five from Batavia's graveyard itself, including the underbarber. That meant that people had been showing up on Viva's Island since, like, mid-July. They'd been coming in steadily.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
They knew exactly what was going on. Every single one of them came on shore and was like, they're fucking killing people over there, man!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, something bad's going down. And remember, they don't have any rafts. They're stuck there waiting for someone to come get them. And there's 70 of them. They're at this point over on the other island. On High Island. On High Island. At this point, there's 50. Okay. But when you include all the people that have come over, like all the refugees from Batavia's graveyard, there's 50 people there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And it soon became clear to Viva Hayes that eventually, Euronymous and his gang would definitely mount an attack to keep their piracy dreams alive. But while Hayes found himself in command of 50 people, that outnumbered Euronymous' crew by almost 15 men, the The problem was that they had no weapons. Because remember, Euronymous had confiscated everything. He had the swords. He had the muskets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But this gave survivors a tiny bit of hope that they weren't being abandoned completely because the water was already gone when Pelsart left and there was no small number of people stranded on this barren strip of dirt. The survivors left behind were a motley crew of 270 people
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So, Viva and his men fashioned pikes affixed to 16-inch iron nails using wood that washed up on shore. And they also made their own homemade morning stars. They gathered lumps of coral to throw and fashioned catapults made from rope and tree branches to hurl rocks. Eventually, Viva's group took to calling themselves the Defenders. And it's with the inevitable war between the two camps. War. War.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. The return of Upper Merchant Pelsar that will finish our series on the Batavia next week. Fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
These guys are all soldiers. These guys are soldiers. They're trained. And these are the best soldiers, too. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Thanks. Finally. And it's super warm from being in your pocket. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, that's the reason why Nutmeg is still sold in stores. If the high was good, it would be illegal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And don't forget to go. And don't forget, I mentioned the stream earlier on the episode. You can watch our stream live. Last stream on the left. We've been doing it for years. You can watch it live on our Patreon, or you can see it after the fact on our last podcast on the left YouTube page. On that same page, you can also find all of the other LPN streams.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
A mix of hard-bitten seamen and soldiers, tradesmen like the carpenters and the ship's surgeon, paying passengers both male and female, the children of those passengers, lots of cabin boys, and a number of VOC officers like Euronymous Cornelis.
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Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And if you want to watch those live, you can go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV. Go do it and just know we will see you next Tuesday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
More dates to come very soon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I would hope so. But I would imagine knowing the VOC, they probably signed a document before they left saying that shipwreck would not result in a refund.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, we said at the end of the last episode that Euronymous Cornelius was left in charge after Upper Merchant Pelsart left the islands. But that's not entirely accurate in the sense that Pelsart explicitly gave Euronymous the authority to give orders to the survivors. In fact, Euronymous wasn't even the most senior VOC officer left behind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Pelsart had also abandoned his personal clerk and the Batavius provost. A provost, in case you didn't know, that's the guy that's, like, He's sort of the security chief in charge of keeping the sailors in line. He's not high-ranking, but he's definitely—he's not above the boatswain, but kind of right below the boatswain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, he's—for all the military people, he's basically an MP.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. But that being said, Euronymous was given authority over what little supplies were left. So while he didn't start with explicit control, he was given the means to consolidate power and manipulate survivors. It would, however, take Euronymous a few days to realize just how big of an opportunity this really was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah. But Euronymous also knows that Palsart took all of the best sailors. So he's got the best minds possible to get him to Java alive. Now, as far as the environment on which these survivors were suddenly stuck, the description given puts one in the mind of a particularly unpleasant version of purgatory.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
The average rainfall on the Hauptmann-Abrolos island chain was four inches a month, but there were few places for water to pool. That's what I give my wife. Continue.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
As such, most of the islands were mostly dry and lifeless, barren strips of coral rubble with no hills, no trees, and no caves. Besides a few bushes here and there, these islands were little more than pieces of dirt nestled in a maze of coral that threatened to destroy any boat that dared sail through. And on top of that...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
There were winds that could reach up to 80 miles an hour, constantly blowing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, motherfuckers, you see what happens when you get in the way of commerce.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, I'll set myself on fire to make an extra $5. Great idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Nice. Wow, so you're with them now. Yeah. All right, great. Perfect. And to all of our listeners out there, keep fighting the good fight, you motherfuckers out there in the horrible landscape that we find ourselves in at this very moment. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name's Marcus Parks. I'm here with Henry. Hey. NSA Zebrowski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
It's gone very soon. Now, while there was little vegetation, the animal life on the islands was actually plentiful, or at least it was when the survivors of the Batavia arrived. Thousands of seabirds and hundreds of seals populated these islands, but there certainly weren't enough to sustain 270 people for the months they expected to be there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. I'm coming in hot this week. I solved the murder by myself in my office over the break. I know everything that's happened. I know everything that will happen. Just in time. The key is now I'm deleting it. So I'm going to forget the man I was. I was a private detective for about eight days.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Honestly, that's how I should have started the show, with a six-pack like Matthew McConaughey. When he's in the interrogation room. And just keep opening up and then cutting them into little men, you know, and I'm like cutting the little men in half.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
See, but who kills somebody in shorts in January?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It is for the delusional. That's for an out-of-towner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But he's from Wisconsin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
He's lying to everyone. He always got his feet out. I know he's cold. I know you're cold. Wisconsinites, I know a lot of you like that. You wear shorts. 40 degrees, washing your car like you're some kind of hero. I know you're cold. You're lying to yourself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You know, when do you want me to jump in? Do you want to wait to the end? Do you want to wait to the end before I start? Don't just pick it apart piece by piece. That's not fun. I'm not going to do this to us, Marcus. I just am sitting here. That's great. So you're going to be silent for the rest of the show. That's amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
As a co-host of the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I think what's most important in an audio medium is to reflect. And I sit and I listen. And I'm just, I'm holding space for whatever it is that you do. Sure, sure. Actually, let me interrupt you there. It's just fun. It's a fun bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
She said, you want extra pillow? No. What kind of hotel is this? It doesn't ever end.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I'm curious, but at the end of the day, I don't care. Eddie, you should care. You know why? Because if I was a highly artistic, motivated, full of himself serial killer, and I mean this with all love because of how much I love you and how close we are. the fun of playing with your guts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And part of the reason why they said a black-haired girl is because the pictures of Elizabeth Short that were in the newspaper, they had black hair, which shows that they probably didn't see her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because they saw the old picture of her, and then now they're thinking about the old picture of her when they think about Elizabeth Short, and now they are blowing that out to think about every diminutive, bow-lipped...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
black haired girl that would be also escorts are known to wear wigs when they work you know so they don't like so they don't get found out when they're out being a normal person you're correct she could have been wearing a wig whenever they saw her i don't believe elizabeth short was an escort she was not no she was not a call girl we'll get to the sex worker angle well escort not a sex worker they just enjoy a good time with that's what we did with together in nosferatu yeah it was your escort
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Oh, I was just some prostitute enjoying popcorn with you?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Thank you. And honestly, just go to henrysbrowski.com and have me escort you to your own. Like, you know, I'm ready.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Escort Ferratu.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
No one's been known to exaggerate anything. I mean, there's a shitload of blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
If you think it's Dylan, if you think it's him, it doesn't mean that she wasn't killed in that room by a different person. I don't know. Yeah. Someone was killed in the room unless someone had a fucking hell of a period. You know, it's funny. They do believe that the blood was not as spread all over the bed, and it was period blood. Really? Yes. Who is they? The police.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
We're going to get to the grand jury. We're going to get to the grand jury. But the police never saw the room. We're going to get there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I've made a few Bloody Rooms myself. Yes, because my name is Pew!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Oh, yeah, dude. We didn't talk about the werewolf murders. We didn't talk about all the kind of other stuff. There was a bunch of unsolved lady murders that happened. It seems like, though, everyone's like 15 minutes from here, 20 minutes from there. Traffic was great back then. It really was, dude. What do you think about? But I think it's just the coverage that Black Holly had.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
How thick and meaty would be to like, because that's the thing, serial killers, they always do with these skinny minis. Where it's like, the idea of coming at you, like how much fun playing with your tits. I'd be easy to drug and poison too. You'd just take Anything. Yeah, I love to eat and drink. Especially if you meet him at a concert. Oh, my God, yeah.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Oh, no. Because it's so funny because they're like, you look at how she got all around. She went from downtown to the valley to Hollywood. I was like, how the fuck could she even get there? She didn't have a car. Yeah, well, they had the red car.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Well, time to go pile laundry for the next year.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You can put it on the weed that you give me. Dude, just fucking the idea of playing with your big fat cheeks and playing with your cut-off body parts. It does take a lot to take me down, though.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Well, he says it does. This all came out after the fact, though. And we all know that he's a shady-ass dude. Everybody's shady.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I'm ready. That is true. I still feel like I could hit you with a cast iron.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
This is... Why do you love Mark Hanson so much? What did he do for you? He finally gave me a shot at being the number one girl at this wonderful place. Have you been to the mayonnaise balcony? He said that I could sing any song I want. So the first song I sang was, hey, get me some beer or I'm going to shit on the floor. And then I got fired. That's a 12-minute song. It is. It is.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
When I fight, I fall on top of you, and then I just smother your head into the ground a bunch of times until it becomes spaghetti.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
So I got fired.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
So I'll always thank him for giving me my shot.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I see buckets of blood every day. I know what buckets of blood look like. I see them every day. I have them in my home. I have them in my car.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That's because you're a pussy. You're not a real man like me. I'm a doctor. I look at blood. I look at blood. I read blood. I know blood.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Also, the room was on discount for all the blood and shit.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It was already a shady place because that was the thing. It's where, to be honest, in a way, it sounds actually, you know, sort of in a madam style way that Clara Hoffman was looking after some of the sex workers that were living in there and that she was burning that as you burn the evidence that they were there, which is because they were constantly going after. There was so many different vices.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
They were constantly looking up, which is still like the heart of the corruption of the LAPD. I think a lot of it was getting into racketeering and sex work, human trafficking. Yeah. And that's so they were actually maybe kind of helping that that way.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It's the closest we ever got. It's the closest we ever got.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I just can't believe Marcus fingered him. Well, his name was Leslie. And when you were already there, by the time you get there, if you're not going to finger him, you're filled with hate. So you might as well do it because you don't want to be a homophobe. If he brings you there, I want to make sure I'm making them feel, again, creating space.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Jeff! Oh, I forgot about you. Oh, Jeff, you did it again.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You said that the crime was solved at the beginning of the very series, Marcus.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And nothing says full-grown adult like a tiny hat. These bellhops, man. These guys are corrupt as fuck.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
They're a little like, I thought... I don't know why. Again, we talked about this before how Leslie Dillon is Rob Schneider from Home Alone 2, but they all are. Every one of these bellhops are like a little criminal syndicate. They're always lingering, always taking down mental notes. They know everything. They know where you sleep.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
They know what your bags look like.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Ladies, don't let yourself get pimped by a bellhop.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
There's no way that Leslie Dillon and Mark Hanson did not know and work together. There are two pimps that are working out of the same fucking building. But pimp is a word that is, like, it is a spectrum. So there's a spectrum. There's, like, there are people that have taken money, right? Like, there's a low-level version. It's kind of like when you're talking about human trafficking.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
All human trafficking is not a bunch of Indonesian women in a U-Haul being trucked across state lines. Human trafficking is as simple as buying a lady that is underage a fucking plane ticket to come to you to have sex. So pimping has also got a spectrum. Pimping has territories as well. You can't really cross them. Eddie, you're talking about high level. Again, this is high level. These are not
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
professional pimps. These are people that have taken money very casually from sex workers at the time that they have set up, they've brokered little things for them, but these are nowhere near professional pimps. Leslie Dillon and Mark Hanson, he's an L.A. pimp, which is a casting director. And so that's what he was. But so was Dillon. Even though he was in San Francisco, he was also in L.A.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I'm bringing him down with me. I said him stuff. He read it. We talked about it. No, you're wrong. Well, you know.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
He was a light... pimp he was more so a across the spectrum small time criminal if you're at a 10 room hotel and there are two pimps they know each other well that's the reason why it's probable that mark hansen wasn't there and it's probable that leslie dylan isn't as big of a pimp as they made him out to be
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Well, they were definitely on the outs because and it really honestly, I can't believe that because the conflict wasn't with Mark Hansen in the house. It was with the other ladies.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I don't think the ladies are trying to bring her back. But then who were those people? I think that they were the other people she pissed off. The ladies? I think that we're also trying to, I don't think we're, I think we're slightly minimizing how many people Elizabeth can piss off in a very short period of time. That is true.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I do think that she was, as she got more desperate, and this is not victim blaming, her behavior got worse. Yeah. That as she got more desperate, she was calling more and more people that did not want her around. And eventually what she was doing, which to me, which would lead to her eventual death, is burn so many bridges with her lies. Because it was the lies.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It was telling one people she's going someplace and then not going there and then going and then stealing money and like being very, you know, she was a she was a homeless woman.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And then you have to make awful decisions in order to survive. And so I think that's what she was doing and it did lead to her death.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I work good pudding. This is fucking... But literally, it's not oatmeal. It's just understanding that this is the one theory. And oatmeal is a great breakfast. It is. In oatmeal's defense. You get the yogurt. I know, but I'll do oatmeal too. Because of Wilford Brimley.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Or he just dumped her there and left.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Even just the lead up, I could tell a micropenis was coming.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Never a wow. Never. But we said this last time, and it is, remember, when you do see a micropenis, always say goodbye. Put it in an aggressive role. If you see a micropenis. You go, nice. Yeah.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yes. That's what you say. That's what you say, yeah. Wow. Or just be nice. Be nice. Be nice. Never. You know what you don't do? Aw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
More of a, if you feel aw, go yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You know, I think that's how you become a black dollar.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah. And, you know, all of my leashes are covered in blood. Yeah. Well, it's different. Your dogs openly bleed. That's what they like to do. And you're supporting them.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It was in the all the blood was on the bed.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
This is one of the most important points in this entire story is one of these is this question. Well, because there's a lot of people. If you read Severed, right, like that's the big book.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yes, so the idea that she was force-fed shit in her torture is this big thing, which connects it to the Astor Motel. I'm in the John Douglas camp that believes what you had was that you do have someone with surgical experience. that did cut somebody in half in order to transport them.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But the reason why is that because the proper medical actual procedure to cut someone in half and have them live was not invented for another 20 years. So that was like a thing for a while. People thought maybe this doctor knew how to do that. But that was not around until the 1960s.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And also, there was some lying on Dr. Deriva's part where he then, in order- He's getting the job done. Which is, you know, Eddie, sometimes you gotta lie a little bit. I have truly no problems with Dr. Deriva's ideas. I have no problem. If I was allowed, if I was an unofficial fake doctor that arrived at the police and convinced the gangster squad.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
So whatever they did, they did expertly cut through the spine, but they did not expertly cut through the gastrointestinal system. So what that then led was to a backload of shit or half. You gotta, you know, you know the saying, you wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs. She could be the first person on this surgery. So if you wanna make a shit-filled woman, you cut her in half.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Great advice, Eddie. I'm so glad you said that.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I still believe it's the single most important point in the entire case. Of course, where they found the body. Yes.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You know what's funny? I really, I think this proves the opposite. I do. How?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But what if I did? Well, just because BTK... In the very, very end, his action said, I did want everybody to know about it. And that if I did want to go and live independently as a dog catcher, I absolutely could have. And I've kind of laughed my way all over the bank and no one would have known.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And I think that that's the reason why if Leslie Dillon did this as an as an extra overkill for a mob boss and then made it one of the most famous crime scenes in the face of the planet, I think that he would then get whacked himself. I don't think that someone like how does that I just those things just don't mesh together.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But BTK, exactly. But Leslie Dillon, because all he wanted was notoriety. BTK was an actual serial killer. How did they find anyone else with the letter D carved in them? Well, then we'll get into the world if you want to, which I don't want to, which is the werewolf kills, which is a whole other fucking setup. Are we sure? Because what's her name? Jaune. What's the next?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
There was a crime that eclipsed the Black Dahlia right after this. What do you believe is Jean Straight?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And that had another initial carved in that was like a whole other copycat thing they tried to put together, but we don't know. That's one of those we just don't fucking know.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Thank you, Eddie. If I arrived and I was this, you know, this forensics guy, I'm just making shit up as I go. This is exactly how we would do this. It is. You know, the worst part is the guy who has the most information is the one who's filled with the most shit. How often have we talked about this? Aleister Crowley.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because they had him on the Santa Monica vault robbery, right?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And then they had him on rape.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, and it was also, at the time, one of those fun things where it wasn't necessarily the hugest crime necessary. It was a whole, like, he was considered a romance guy. He was an extreme romance man. Make America great again. Yeah. And we're finally going to get the chance.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Dude, they cocked it up to the fucking stratosphere. That's the main point of this entire theory, is that I think not even just they didn't want Leslie Dillon to see the light of day, they didn't want anything to see the light of day, because as soon as you lift that lid, you're going to see they just let... Some fake doctor go with their uncontrollable police squad, the gangster squad.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
These guys that are allowed to do whatever they want. They're not checking in with the police chief. They are literally completely, they are a gang unto themselves. And they're letting them run wild and no one wants anything to come out because they're like, oh my God, everyone's going to see that we're a bunch of criminals.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Once you got to the grand jury, it didn't matter.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Madame Blavatsky.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But there is truth in that.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It makes sense, though, in a weird way, because they should have solved the fucking murder by now. You haven't done it.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But also, I actually, Eddie, I don't think you're necessarily wrong. I also think that the the concept of Dr. Deriver fucking shit up really fuck things up for them. Like, I think that they allowed it all like the corruption was just it goes past just active corruption into laziness where you're watching them all like this whole thing becomes this big crime oatmeal bowl. because of this.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It's true. Later on. But then, Dr. Deriver, what he did was he lied to Leslie Dillon, and the way he got him on the hook was saying, how about I offer you a job as my assistant?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because you got some cops that are just straight up taking bribes. You got the hat squad, the gangster squad. They're like just beating people up for no fucking reason. Yeah, you got the bellhops. You can't trust a goddamn bellhop. The nightclub owners are fingering you in the butthole. Everybody is a fucking suspect and no one's nice.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I mean, she's a hero. Aggie Underwood is like something else. She is the coolest person in this whole story.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Quick, how did you get this hat to Los Angeles? You got it, absolutely. I'll ride my suitcase. I don't understand here. How many syndicates are we looking at? We got the regular mafia. We've got show business. We've got the police, the LAPD. We have got Bellops. We have got, I'm trying to think, all the other various criminal organizations that are happening.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The service industry.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The prohibition. You've got the people coming in the, well, not in time.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It was after, yeah. But in terms of just gangsters, you've got Bubsy Siegel, just straight up the normal, the big time. You've got the Jewish mafia.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
So this is a lot. Everybody's scheming something. It's like Los Angeles is a sea of various syndicates all competing to be the biggest criminal organization. Well, because no one was running this town back then. Nah, man. True freedom.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because the key is, too, everybody's got—if you've got three scams going on, and then you have something as atomic as the Black Dahlia murder—
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land into this into everybody's world right it becomes this thing i like to uh someone put this i want to say james elroy talked about how elizabeth short is one of the most influential people in los angeles and she was only there for six months which is like one of the most that's so la yeah as it is that's so and like but they're they're uh it's it's fascinating
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Let me know doo-doo's one of them. It could be. Fertilizer, maybe? But have we... Thought about jelly. No one's talked about jelly. No one's talked about it. No one's talked about it.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
shows up, drops off. And we all know the Dutch have sweet tooth. They do. They do. They do love their jellies. I could see Santa maybe getting a little too crazy at the Astro Motel. Yeah, he's like, Matt, where are my cookies? Why'd you leave out these danishes? Yeah, exactly. You know, I don't know. So I could also say it could be raspberry.
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What are those?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I like extra legal. Did he have teeth when they were done with him?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That's different. Maybe he said something like that to prove his innocence in a weird way.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Now he's getting it.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
As soon as you start looking into the quantum facts, like if you get on a quantum level, it begins to fall apart. I mean, there's definitely more than one person involved. Oh, yeah. But, well, according to... I don't know. I've been thinking this. This whole time there was more than one person. But I do think that... John Douglas makes a point. Two people can keep a secret if one of them's dead.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah. So maybe whoever did it killed the other one. There's no way. I feel like the same way about the JFK assassination. There's no fucking way. That secret's too juicy. For someone did not give in, someone would give in. There could be people we've never even heard of that were killed the same day as Elizabeth Short, ditched in a different place, and when we have no fucking idea.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I made a joke about Deborah Tall, but yes. She was there, and honestly, one of the craziest things I've ever seen, split down the middle. That's insane.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yes, vertical. That's fucking crazy. Split inside. Crazy. Like a fucking beautiful piece of Branzino. God, I love a Branzino. Me too.
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What do you think of this? What do you think of this? This is what you think of Southern?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
How about this? How about we're going over here? How about this? Look, that's literally all they did. They just drove in front of the Astor Motel and were like...
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Because she was so young, right?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
She was sexy. She was kind of a vibe about her. But I think that, yeah, no. No, not this theory. No.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It's also good just straight up because he really did believe he was innocent. And that he felt that Mark Hanson was getting pulled in and maybe it's because he does other shit. And it's all the side gigs.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I think it's a part of paying back the debt. Absolutely. But what if he just did all these other crimes? This is the problem. If you do every other crime but the Black Dahlia murder, they can still cover up for you, but it doesn't necessarily have to be for the Black Dahlia murder. It's because you're fucking fully in bed with a bunch of other criminals, and now you're all trying to save your ass.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, because maybe if Mark Hanson didn't do it, if they looked into Mark Hanson deep enough, all of them would go down for other shit. Oh, of course.
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That is my big thing.
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He gave them money. Yeah. He was super helpful.
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It's like him sitting on a jet ski. This jet ski is so important to my investigative process.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Are you confused? Now, when you say the Black Dahlia murder site, are you saying the Astor Hotel?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I wish I knew who I was. Mr. Hoffman, there's blood in cabin three again. No, I went and looked at it. It was jelly. Santa. I'm coming after him. Did he leave his credit card? Is that why the blood was delicious?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yes, I know, right? And how about that brown? I like a dark brown for certain.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
There's a bump near to fill a human body. In mine. See you soon, right?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Absolutely. Yes. I feel like that's the main note, because I do think you have a grand jury looking at... this mess.
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Yes, so, like, everything was a fucking mess. Yes, and there was lots of murder in Los Angeles at this point. Damn!
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
and high profile murders you remember right before this it was the three little girls and that fucking rape murder series that was horrible there was a series again the werewolf murders there was the this was a all the gangland murders like bugsy seagull was killed five months it's gotta be almost impossible to solve a murder in los angeles in this time even if you're not corrupt but that's it's the issue well i'm waiting to my point i gotta get to my i'm gonna wait for it
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But Dr. Deriver, it is, I remember reading an article, one of the last things I had read about him was that they'd found him right before his death. This, like, reporter wanted to hear about all this. And Dr. Deriver is... He answered, it's just like a fucking film noir. It was like in the late 80s.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And then he went to this like Hollywood mansion and he went up there and he knocked on the door and the door opens and Dr. DeRiver's in his, his ascot and his robe and he has a gun. And he comes out and he's just like, are you the man that I'm supposed to see?
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And he's just like, yeah, buddy, yeah. And he's just being like, I never know who's coming to kill me. I never know who's on the other side of the storm.
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And they went crazy. They're like, Jesus fucking Christ, buddy. All right, guys. I think maybe we should switch the decaf.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I think her waist just did that. Yeah. I think he's a fucking suspect, man. Dylan? Well, no. Poo Eatwell. Poo Eatwell? Yes, he is. He's right in the name.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
He's right in the name.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Finally, farewell will receive my poo. World of information.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Why would the bellhops cover for him when they got other crimes going on? They would gladly give up the Black Dahlia murder so that they could be absolved of other things. Because all the bellhops work together, and Dylan's got information on the other bellhop, so if he takes him down, he's going to take him down to some other shit. But if that's stealing hats, it's the Black Dahlia murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And now I also say our next hero, a man by the, one of the most grumpy men to ever live. No, no, no. You seem very sweet actually. I think the actor was very nice. I think it was a character he played. Oh no, he was big on the track. He would always lose all his money at the track. He was gambled away millions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I've heard he was, and that just makes me like him more. Wow. I like somebody who loses all their money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I think it's cute. So one of the grumpiest men that we're ever going to meet, honestly, Larry Harnish, who's going to come in, spoiler, next episode, is that he says one of the most poignant statements I have heard about this whole case, which is that you'll find...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
that the people with some of the least to do with this are so excited to get themselves involved in this case and that they show up and they are excited. I think that when you first go to the Astor Motel and you ask all these questions about Elizabeth Short, I think that your first reaction You want to give the cop a good answer. You do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Probably because you're also showing up and leaning on them until they do give you something. But I think that it's very exciting At very first blush to be a part of this story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But then what Larry Harnish says, but you notice when I talk to the family members, anyone that this case has actually touched, it destroyed their lives so thoroughly that they never want to have anything to do with this ever again. They don't want to talk about it. And so those family members. Yeah. But it's not just family members. It's like the people that actually knew her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Even if it didn't, you'd say, hey, I don't know if it necessarily points towards his involvement as much as it points towards this guy's a fucking weirdo. Which is kind of what they were looking for, which which is, you know, it's a flawed way to look for a candidate because you can't just say, oh, you're fucking weird. You got a long Frankenstein looking head like you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The people that like, the people who are around these people. So this story, like these are looky-loos. Like that's how I view it. They are looky-loos that at first were super excited about being involved in the case. But the problem with dumb, impulsive people is they don't understand the consequences of their actions. And then once they finally are like, oh wow, it's a big deal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You go down to the courthouse, You got the cops everywhere. The judge is staring you. Now it's real. Now this isn't just me standing on the street telling you kind of what I thought sort of happened. Now it's like, oh, I better... I gotta say something. Maybe that's where the truth comes. I don't know. I have no idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But that's why they're different. There are brave witnesses. This is somebody that...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Definitely. This is a pillar of the Black Dahlia story because this is also, this whole storyline is the natural timeline that happened at the time. Everything else now is going to be after the grand jury.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You must be the Black Dahlia killer. You asked to be involved in this investigation when they don't realize, like at the time. Now we know now we definitely know that all of these types of cases involve black. many different hoaxers and con artists that want to get up involved with something, anything that will give them attention.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, you fucking idiots.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I saw y'all, you pieces of shit. How many people were like, oh, they're willing to do three episodes? Oh, definitely not. I knew that. I had an idea of that, that that was the things we're going to change as soon as we got into it, dude. Because, man, I think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Where was he?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Where was he? The war was over. Was he done with killing? I don't think so. He wasn't president yet. And as we know now, presidents are immune of all crimes. Yeah. So actually, good for him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Marcus, I'm so excited that we're doing this because obviously we're going to go into a little bit of the... I'm going to say the man who should not be named.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because everybody fucking has covered this guy, but we're going to cover exactly why it's stupid that people think that this guy is the guy, I think, personally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And a Los Angeles character means... And then the other one is Walter. Well, the other one's my favorite. The other one's my favorite, which is, again, but I will say, Marcus, I'm agnostic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Very passionate and very sure. The whole episode, the last thing I would say is agnostic. Because you know what I know now? What? No, it's how little I know. That's what I know now. Now I'm aware of how little I actually know. I like how heated it gets during a mystery. We've got to do more mysteries.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because he doesn't like it when I come from behind. He works and then I go down in the shadows and I come up with new things and surprise and delight him and make him angry. That's why I love doing the SeaWorld. Telecom did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It doesn't work like that, does it, Marcus?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And plus, he always wanted to make a Russian nesting doll out of a person. And we all do. And the hardest part is the littlest one because you got to get a hold of a preemie. And it's hard because you ever take one right out of the oven? That's why the doctors wear gloves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It drives people absolutely insane. It has ruined Larry Harnish's life. We'll talk about this. I love you, Larry. I'm going to say this to you right now. This is a message directly to Larry Harnish. I know you don't like true crime podcasts, right? I know you don't like them. But I'm going to let you know. We're going to tell your side of the story. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
We're going to tell your side of the story, and you're going to be mad about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And we might even be slightly flippant, and you're going to be angry. But I want you to know, I'm hearing you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And this story is what gets people into true crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
ever since this is one of those introductory stories that brings people in which is also shows here it's like and i feel like i like to show a little bit of our dynamic yeah you can see that this is how people yell about mysteries um and you can see us physically do it on our patreon.com slash last podcast on the left you can see us flap you see my tits go back and forth twitch.tv slash lpn tv we are back it is the year 2025
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Isn't it the future?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Do you know, I was one of those who was like, I'm going to die early.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because I was into Chris Farley and John Belushi and stuff like that, so I thought I was going to die. I imagine I thought I was going to coach football or something. I thought you wanted to be governor. No. No. I never wanted to be governor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I didn't want to be governor of fucking Florida. That's great because it's sinking. You have less state to deal with. You know what? You know where we should be talking about is this Saturday. Yeah. We're going to be in Atlanta. A week from Saturday. A week from Saturday. Next week, we are in Atlanta at the Coca-Cola Roxy. I can't fucking wait to be back in town. Yeah. It's going to be great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Huge, huge. Yeah. And then we're doing side stories live at Dad's Garage. But that's already sold out. So you got to go see the last podcast on a left show at the Coca-Cola Roxy on January 11th. And you can't make that fly to Dallas. Fly to Dallas. Fucking get in a cabin, get in a covered wagon to fucking Nashville. Take a moped to Detroit. Don't take a moped to Detroit. It's going to be cold.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Thank you, Mike. It's good work. Thank you. Great work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, that's cool. You are presenting all of the information.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The information exists and you are presenting it. And if you didn't do that, then you wouldn't be doing your fucking job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You're right. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But guess what? It's not going to stop here. We already have our next couple series lined up. Yeah. We know what we're doing. I'm very, very excited for 2025.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And we're finally going to find out who killed Nicole Brown Simpson. Honestly, that's my main goal. And what happened to the waiter? What happened to that waiter?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Crazy. That's crazy. It's a great waiter. And apparently the only tip he got It was a knife tip. All right, guys, let's go. Hey, hail Satan on your season.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Hail Black Dahlia Murder, the band. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, they're friends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Hey, Black Dahlia Murder, how you doing? Good work, guys. Is it responsible, the name of your band?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Maybe they're fucking dead. See you, fuckers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Okay. Because I had nothing but time. I had nothing but weed. Baldur's Gate. You were following people? I was going to go home everywhere, asking them, you know Elizabeth Short? Yeah? Do you know Deborah Tall? Yeah. But no, this is the, oh man, I'm dragging Marcus down fucking with me, man. I'm dragging his fucking ass down to the fucking hole with me, bro.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, because of the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dog loves phenobarbital. She could use more sleep. She's always waking me up in the middle of the night, so maybe I should start jamming more down her throat. That's what I'm learning. Tootsie, actually, it was really sweet of her. She offered me a bump the other night. And I was just like, no, I'm sorry, I'm driving. I can't. It was on a key. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Wrap it up. Yeah. That seems like a case closed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Again, just a fucking weirdo. Yes. This is just a weirdo. The idea of drawing, I draw my initials on things because I'm asked to for legal documents. Oh, yeah. Keep it on the LD.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
No one found out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
This is all in the pro Leslie Dillon did it category. Sure. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Now, this is another fun, which is now what I've learned about the Black Dahlia. Upon deepening my investigation, you know, hours upon hours, putting a note to you, What you discover is that every single big point in Black Dahlia is an awesome and complicated point of contention. Yes. And that there is somebody had just written something that it's completely debunked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Every single thing that you say, no matter what you say, no matter what you say, it's almost like there is no reality at the very center of this case. So the Astro Motel is the next big moment that you're like, what the fuck is this? What is happening here? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, they're being like, he never did anything unless you pushed him easily. Yeah. And he was never prone to violence unless he was inside. You're going to slip up, Ma. No, no, no. Like, you only stabbed the chicken in front of us once. God damn it! Again with the chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You cut its tits off and you stuffed it up the cavity. Wait!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You don't come to my house and get your dick sucked. At a shittier hotel. Honestly... We come here to pray.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I'm making him worse. Well, it doesn't matter what your theory is, because even if you're right, all the evidence has been destroyed and there's no way to prove it. Some of it might be hidden.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Brown and red.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
This is the year we wash the sheets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Everybody gather around. Burn the ones we can't keep. It was a fun Los Angeles ritual. So I think that's how you got to start looking at the laundromats and the drag cleaners.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, yeah, time to fly a circle. Give me six beers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That's who knows because you want me to cover up this murder. Now he's thinking like a fucking detective.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, exactly. Super complicated. Makes things harder than they need to be. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That's me. I kind of share him with the Syphilis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This whole story, the only way I could put this is that it's a fucking, it's a heist movie mixed with, it's crazy. It's a Quentin Tarantino movie on a boat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And nutmeg. Yeah. Everyone loves Nutmeg. Which Amazon still sells.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yeah. Oh, God, yes. Of course. Honestly, just to celebrate this story, I bought several pounds of Nutmeg just through Amazon, and I just left it out in the rain. I mean, just to let it rot. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm just using it to dye my skin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We're going to have a sidebar with that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yeah. We're about to get a Roy Cohn's fucking helping of history aids right now because this is going to be a it's thick. But I do think that it's extremely important to set up the stakes, like why everybody is doing this in the first place. Yeah. And why everyone's so afraid to fuck up. It's like literally once because there's no coming back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Don't wear it out. It's been a long time since I've been this excited. This is a really fun episode. This is a, I cannot wait. Series, rather. This whole series comes from a topic. I have no idea how I had not heard about this topic before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Thank you, Peter! Oh, Peter, thank you so much, Peter. Peter, sometimes I think about what it would be like to taste your seed. To kiss you up. I wish to fuck and to suck you. I've always wanted to fuck and suck a man named after penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Some of them are getting slaughtered by your co-workers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's your office crashes. Your office crashes and everyone has to fight for themselves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We are. And just pay attention, too. Just pay attention. Lock in. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Okay, I'll do my best, but you know me. So stupid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So we're trying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And that's the British India Company? Fuck yeah. Eddie, I swear to God, you're already, we have to maintain control.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He who owns the spice runs the universe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yes! But it's kind of crazy. People just sat around eating shit, right? All day. That's why all this food, all European food is like boiled fucking roots and old stinky lamb and all this kind of shit. So why isn't it improved?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Being rich fucking sucks. Honestly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You just get really fucking bored. And I don't get it. You either become P. Diddy or you become like, you just collect typewriters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We just like spices as humans. We've come to like them. I guess, I don't know how we discovered spices. I think literally just came from chewing on shit. Could be. Because, you know, I didn't know pepper was a tree. I had no idea pepper was a tree.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I didn't know where it came from. I'll tell you what, man. I'd fucking kill a girl for some Chef Paul's magic seasoning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Paul Prudhomme. I got the same seasoning from Paul Prudhomme. Honestly, there are sometimes... The poultry is not to be slept on as well. I love the poultry seasoning. And I looked at even just like Holden's daughter came over last night to the house. She looked delicious. And there's a little part of me that was just like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And that's why we begin our 25-episode series now. Dawn of man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I just imagine, what if that Paul Prudhomme was in the center of her torso? Could I get it? And, yeah. Yeah. And I just feel like I have earned it. Meanwhile, you put it there to go kill her. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Bring me the Spice!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm afraid to say this, Doctor. It seems that nutmeg has no effect on this patient. Get me a candy cane! Yes! The only thing that will cure this man's cancer! Here's peppermint. What do you think, is that RFK Jr.?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I think it's super important for people to pray, spice, and do natural things to heal yourself. It's good because I can kill whales on the move. I wish I could. If I could, I'd kill a baby also, but for nothing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yes. What a good time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I mean, I don't know. It's yummy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Not in my beer. Old time. If it's not... Literally Thanksgiving Day, I will have a nutmeg beer. But otherwise, I'm going to have a nutmeg anywhere. I have nutmeg maybe once. You put a little bit in there. But honestly, like a potato gratin, nutmeg's actually really good uplifting flavor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm not saying, yeah. If that was the only beer, yeah, I'm drinking nutmeg beer. But I'm saying I don't live then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Nut. In Meg. Yeah. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So it's fucking telling you about, dude. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Fucking have horny ass dreams eating a bunch of nutmeg, man. You were telling me about this?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
In your sleep. Dreaming last night on Miss Farley, my pecker was up this morning early. And I was fain without my gown to raise in the cold to get him down. Hard shift, alas, but yet assured, although it be no pleasing cure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I need the boners. I must have the boners to have sex with my nephew.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
All right, but what if I've already eaten? Like, listen, buddy, I'm hearing you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I ate like three ball bearings yesterday. There's a bunch around in there. Like, how do I know what's nut and what's bearing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's like that fancy coffee.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Uh, this tastes like your fart. Yes, it's like butt eggs. It seems you are the cleverest lady I've ever laid nutmegs upon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I don't want to be murdered over nutmeg. So who was almost killed?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The term and word nutmeg will eventually begin to lose meaning. What? during this section. But that's okay. It's just not... It really is like the most boring spice of all of them. This entire story centers on nutmeg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Because you just are out there, man. When you go that far out into the ocean and you just don't know how big it is, you start to learn. That's insane. To attempt this is so out of context. I would not do this, obviously. I'm a comedian. I say inside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, you would be killed immediately on the boat. And also, it's just like, why not just... Say you destroyed it if you lost it. I'd be like, I felt threatened, so I destroyed it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
People can't, because people can't keep secrets. And then when people start showing up at your secret little Heidi pepper spot, you're going to get really angry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You're ruining your son's attractiveness.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Now, weren't they all apart? Like, there was their big, like, war. 18 years war. There's a lot of stuff that I had. Habsburg. Holy Roman Empire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Charles V. I had to skip over a lot of stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
What I love about this whole story, too, is it all starts with somebody sitting in the middle of England going, man, I wish I had an orange. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Because weren't they cut out? Like that was like a part of it. They were a part of it because of the 18 years war. One of the long story shorts is that they were cut out of the spice trade and they had to figure they really had to figure out their own way to get their own shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And it's one of the most powerful aspects of the human animal. The fact that we can understand in 4D space in reality a concept and make it real. Like a corporation doesn't exist. Corporation isn't anything. You can't arrive like, yes, there are buildings a corporation owns. Corporations are people, right? Yeah. They are very big people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Very, very big people that we can't seem to see the head or the arms or the legs of. But it's interesting in that just our language can create a concept that then can become just as real as a building.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You wait till you see the broccoli squads coming from Zuckerberg around here to make sure we're all liking NBC's fucking tweets. This is going to happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Over nutmeg. Yeah, dude. And you know that these guys are all like... It's just nutmeg. They're on this island being like, we don't even like the nutmeg. It's everywhere. We're sick of nutmeg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Take it. Just pay for it. Take the nutmeg. What do we give a fucking shit?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
No, no. It was a lot more willy-nilly. Humans, human life, oh, no, actually, Eddie, I think that human life, its cost has not increased with inflation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I want one now. Hey, hey, tell me, Clark, do you like eggnog? Yeah. You know that brown dust? Yeah. On top of it, that nutmeg, right?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Man, I could just see the inauguration, just like the four of them. It's just like, you know, the dudes with the big metal hats and guys with just big like sacks of flour and stuff, just like hanging out. Those are the billionaires?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Only sinister because you are not in it. Because when we are together, hanging out, just the 17 of us, we are having some of the best times of our lives.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We're going to have the best show of our lives, boys.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Indigo is also a big thing. All of this is in Civ VI, which I've never been, I've never been into trading. I feel like the trading in Civ VI is broken. Yeah, we'll get there. What is indigo used for? It's a dye. Oh, it's a dye. Yeah, it goes in jeans. It's blue. It's like it's a plant. All right, cool. Now I know.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's all right, right? Yeah, it's all right.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But if you were an above-the-line... You'd make a fuck ton of money.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's crazy that that doesn't happen anymore, right? It's nice that it doesn't happen. You can't just be born with a lot of money and then just be able to make it.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Make America Dutch again.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Spice! Yes! You must throttle them! You must control the spice!
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You want pepper? You want salt? You can take it. Just take it. You want jeans? We'll make the jeans.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We'll make jeans. Oh, no. I named my son and daughter Salt and Pepper.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Spice! Gimme, gimme.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's amazing. I don't even like it. It doesn't even get you high. Except I did hear that, you know, nutmeg gets you high as fuck, dude. Really? It's illegal, man. So if you smoke it? No, eat it, dude. You eat like fucking, barely if you eat like half a pound of nutmeg, you get crazy high, dude.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You don't like a mulled wine? I also remember smoking cloves when you thought that was cool. Yeah. Dude, that was my favorite. Yeah, I smoked cloves until I coughed blood. I bought multiple packs of cloves, and now I just can't. Thanks, Panda.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Honestly, it's a huge honor to be called the Diverse Colonizer because there's so much competition and it's just nice to be nominated with some of my favorite people. Spain, loving you. Loving what China is doing on the Asian continent. Good work, China.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Just thank you. They're just so angry because their shoes are fucking made out of wood.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Racist! Ha ha ha! Why do they got to be white? Why do they got to be white? But it is interesting in that way because they called it some magical prophecy when it was definitely a Muslim guy that's like, oh, they're coming here.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's not a magical prophecy at all. Is it some mystical thing? I'm seeing this shit. He's a businessman who is telling you the fucking forecast of the market. I know these guys and they can't wait to not pay me anymore. And I have a distinct feeling they're figuring out how to find me.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I think if you eat half a pound of almost anything, you feel differently.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Listen, before you do anything, just don't tell them about hazelnuts. Okay? Because this shit's blowing this gun way out of fucking proportion. All right, this was not supposed to be like this, dude. Hey, man, want some cinnamon? Don't fucking even do it, dude. They get hooked. Don't even talk about dill.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I just love the ring of it. I just love it. It's just fun. It's easy to remember. Revenge for what? They killed everybody. For trying to live with our nutmegs.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And they learned a new mechanism of sending out a bunch of ships at once. They learned that that's the way to do it. Instead of just sending out one guy and hope he comes back, you just send out a constant flow of ships.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So that it never stops.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, so that it never stops. So that you're always, so they're crossing each other. So they actually, which is interesting, so there's support on the open oceans.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Man, it would have been so much fun if I had to, like, be the first maid of the Hollywood video ship to go up there. and I had to slaughter everybody at the fuck on the blockbuster ship. You know what I mean? Just to get, because they all have the new fucking, they got Hitch in first. You know what I mean? So I got to get all that Hitch because people are looking for Hitch, right?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's Kevin James' Will Smith vehicle.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But listen, that was a fucking guaranteed money maker. That's their nutmeg. That was our nutmeg.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Great casting. And he was put out there because they didn't want him back. in the Netherlands anymore. Legitimately, this man was so scary and he was such a persona non grata that they put him out in the middle of fucking nowhere because also they knew he'd be the guy that would kill everybody.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So no one made him laugh? Yes. I laughed.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's a part of my you want to check me out is too wild for Netflix thing. Comedy special where I'm just uncontrollable saying things people wish they could say.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This is funny! People say we're not funny! This is funny!
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They're really great within the corporate culture here at the VOC. And it's good they use bamboo because it grows back so easily. Yes, and it's sustainable.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Well, because these guys also believe there was obviously, it's money and it's power, but there's also a kind of like a manifest destiny style. We are expressing our power over the world. Oh, absolutely.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, you don't band together to get out of it. You kill your sister to get out of it.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I kind of want an orange. Yeah. Yeah, like, ah, well, here's my orange. Let's go take Florida. We live in California. Yes.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I want the other ones. So sweet.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The ones with the snakes in the trees. I want one taken from a dead child's hands.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
learned from 9-11 and what we now need to learn from this story. We don't need to be inspired by every story. Yeah. When was 9-11?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I've heard they've got, have you heard of smoked paprika? Yeah. Why don't you ask the Ronin about teriyaki?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Do not tell them the secret of teriyaki.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And this is before we decided that we can, like... grow it ourselves or whatever. Yeah. So we just wanted to, because they already had it.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You could steal one, plant it in a Greek island that you've stolen. Yeah, Mykonos.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I still, honestly, and truly, this also reminds me of one of my craziest days at Borders is that we found out that someone had taken some books, like one of the employees, and it was really crazy about how they charged me. They're like, well, you know, because I was the manager on time, and they said... Can you handle this? Can you talk with this guy?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And I had to hold a gun to the back of his head while he committed seppuku in front of JK Rowling. And it was honestly truly one of just, she's so nice in person. She answers her phone, turf, turf.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And the letter did end with a winky face. Yeah.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But he was also the man for the job because someone, they believed that they needed that type of psychopath to hold this far, very valuable outpost for them.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You down with VOC or I'll fucking kill you.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, you'd be surprised what you could make a bunch of people do when there's nothing but sand to eat.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It was not a comfortable trip. It wasn't a fun trip.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Now, didn't, like, so they would also, they would trade with closer places. So they would trade with other people in Europe. They'd probably trade in some other places, probably in the Middle East, maybe, where they do a couple things. Africa, yeah. Right, yeah. But then, it's kind of interesting, on this leg... This was the leg that was the most profitable, but also the most horrible.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's easy. He's the Paul Dano of our story. We'll get here. You'll see.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And so that's why all of the bottom of the talent pool was at this leg.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And just for my own thought process, how would they actually get there? Would they have to go all the way around Africa down the bottom?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So what they learned was a faster way to go was because it was about taking a left. Like, literally, you had to go from, it was a left out of Netherlands, you take a right in Africa, and then you get to right before Australia, and you make a left, and you go up, and you catch this one current. But guess what happens if you don't? You're really fucked up. Guess what Australia is surrounded by?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Miles and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles of coral, which is extremely sharp, and destroys ships, countless ships. So it's interesting. It's almost like you're kind of waiting for something to go wrong.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That is my Dutch. We're trying to really wrap our brains around a Dutch accent.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I think Paul Dano's incredibly charismatic. See, he's Paul Dano from There Will Be Blood.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Nothing like a corporation putting in some talentless, unconnected middle person to be at the very top of the little thing that you might know because he's over the captain.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So the captain is the person who knows how to run the ship and do all the stuff on the ship. But he is a boss. It's just some guy from the company. And that's all he does.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Not Brian Wilson.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Sometimes if you came back with a super fucking successful run from the indies, you could get re put back into some form of respectable. Like there was always kind of like a shot that maybe if I come back and I make everybody a fuck ton of money, they'll legitimize me again. And then I could go back to doing a more cush thing. I can go to France or I could go to some other place.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's not fucking Jakarta. Now, was there like a shit ton of merchants on the ship or was there just like three or four?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You talk to me, and you ask me, how do you control a man? And I tell you, you do it by his soul. Excuse me, I farted. I'm not feeling well.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But you can still call the guys the upper merchants and the other guys merchants. You don't have to call them shitheads. You know what I'm saying? Anything.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This is actually one of the traits that's going to come up again and again in this story. Once we get to the actual plot, you really start to see the corporatization, the ladders put into place that these guys follow like they are real God's law.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's how afraid they are of their bosses, that these roles will be actually extremely important to the story that comes up because of how everybody behaves according to their roles.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Well, of course they're scared of their bosses.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They kill islands of people in front of them. Yes, this is why we're doing the context.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's nice to have an invitation to violence. Thank you, because I was just a pussy before. Not now, though.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'll kill everyone, but I won't fuck their corpses.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Is that I need a government's permission to do it, but as soon as I get it, I can't fucking wait to do it.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You're just making a baby wet. And I don't need to make a baby wet in a church. I can do it by leaving it out in the rain. I mean... Kind of agree. No, I do too.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Is that Christ? No, just some guy. Sorry. I get really scared.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Is that Christ? Oh my God, is he there? Oh no, just some long-haired guy. White skin.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
although it's sometimes although it's kind of nice to take a break and see the whites going against the whites yeah yeah just like different kinds of whites fighting yeah you know it's funny because of all the serial killers i feel like so many people cover like they always want us to cover true crime and do serial killers because they're like oh we want blood we want murder and it's like so far in this episode we've killed thousands thousands of people
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's kind of interesting. It's like Make America Great Again really kind of wants to make America Dutch again.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And that's just theater. That's just history. Which I think is amazing. They're just all wiping stuff out. And because it's not individually cleaving someone to death, I feel like this may be part of the issue. Is that we see it kind of like, you just forget. No, this is bigger than a serial killer.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And it was definitely a thing that they just stumbled upon because of her prophecy. And it's not just because the guy just noticed that there's a lot of just like open wives. He just never just said like, oh, wow, there just seems to be a bunch of lonely ass women here that I could have sex with.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They had to because God said it.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's the balls?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And where was Grandpa? I say Munsters, the Munsters he be showing.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And they can have cell phones. Yeah. And you got to take care of your feet, you know.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I've actually, I think I knew some Mennonites. It's interesting. It's technically like a very peaceful, like it's kind of a Quaker-y thing.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's because they are just barely hanging on.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I learned to read by getting spanked with each letter. They used to write up a bunch of letters, and they used to spank me with them. And I'll tell you what, I know the language better than anyone. All right, time to learn Korean. These lectures are sharp.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, good, because I've been eating it. Yeah.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Your lungs, oh, man, I can see them from here. They're healthy. There's just nothing like just sitting there coughing a joke and just being like, hey, have some more horse shit. Like, listen, you don't seem to be feeling good. Have you had any horse shit today? Well, that's why Nick Nolte's still alive, because he's always like, horse shit. Yeah.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah. That's stupid.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I kind of want an orange.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Mummy dust. Oh, please.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
How are you bad at making poison?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This is delicious. They're actually going to show later like he's bad at it. It's like 7-Up he just accidentally makes delicious. He's like, wow, this is crystal Pepsi?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
All right, you'll die any hour now.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Thank you. I think that she was probably hot. That's what I was going to say. That was the issue here. I think that has been a husband issue since day one.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I want my packaging. That is what it is. I want a pair of scissors in one package, and I want tape in the other package. I never choose Amazon tape. I always say, extra plastic, please.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
How does it affect? Does it clog the tubes or some shit?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, you're supposed to take it out, and you've got to put it back in the front hole. That's what I thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But then you fold it back up.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Put it in your ass.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
If you don't take it out, though, hard to keep singing and dancing. I know that much.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
No, she ordered in. She actually didn't eat mine. She actually wanted one from the restaurant.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, my father chopped it up and put it on an Arby's sandwich.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Funny story, I'm sure.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Everything I do is highly logical.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's because he didn't fully become who he was going to be until the moment came where he could finally blossom.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But one thing that Dutch doesn't seem to have words for, which is being completely fucked on an island. They learn that later on, though, don't they? Don't they, my friend? They can't sneak up on anybody.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This guy's fascinating, too.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's what I do. You just wouldn't know. It's something I do. It's something cool.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They're the only ones he takes. It's just his favorite thing. It's his favorite color. He likes chicken.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yes. But, you know, on one way, see, as the resident capitalist slash Satanist, what I will say is that, see, we're burdened with consciousness. And what consciousness forces us to do, Marcus.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's crazy talking to my old buddy. I was talking to my old buddy in the woods the other day and he said to me, I was like, Lord Satan, how are you feeling? And he was saying something. He was like, I'm not feeling good right now. I'm not feeling very confident right now in myself. You know, I just reminded him, like, you're Satan. You know, you don't need all of this, Mr. Gush.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You know, just feel good for yourself. Feel good by yourself. I really think you took it to heart in many ways. He gave me five dicks. Yeah, it's pretty good.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Pretty cool to be me. Three around my body. Two were in my pocket.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Two were in my pocket. You can see. I made a bit of a stutter drum with them.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
See, Gnostics believe, that's why they're super controversial, is that all of their books were taken and hidden in caves, right? Like the Dead Sea Scrolls, those are all Gnostic works.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yes, and in the book of Judas, the book of Thomas, and basically what they say is you don't need the capital C church to get enlightenment. Jesus is in everyone. You can have this mystical property, and the church doesn't like that because that means that you don't need them.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's just four letters. Four letters, what could you even do? What's a letter? Just a line on a piece of paper. What's paper? It's tree blood. What is even trees? Yeah.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
No, no, no, you see, we're burdened with consciousness, and what consciousness forces us humans to do is to consider time. You know, a dog doesn't know when its kibble will arrive. It knows by a lick in your eye, right? It knows by the setting of the sun, but it doesn't know that it can go to our little, like, squares we have, go down to Petco, and get it at any time that they want, right?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
She's being a huge bummer about it. So I'm just like, listen, baby, can we get past this? It's been a week. I'm just impressed she's still alive. Yeah, I mean, just barely. She had a very big pussy.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, it takes a while to kill someone with a 10-pound pussy. Very big pussy.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The baby didn't touch the sides.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He also was one of the only guys that wasn't a total fucking criminal to apply. So that was at the time they didn't really know what they were getting involved in. And so they were kind of it was like, you know, when I guess in the army or in the Navy, people get kind of upset when someone goes to like officer school and just shows up and takes over. Yeah, that's what this guy's like.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's like no experience whatsoever. He's just evil. Pre-evil. Pre-evil.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
What else is she going to do?
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
She is just, my baby has got syphilis. I'm a fucking bitch all day. All day.
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Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Okay, so send me to Jakarta.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Fucking insane. It's crazy. Crazy. It was huge, right? I guess it's one of those where we all like that's where all the thing comes from. We're like people doubt that ancient man could have done specific giant things. But then when you look at what manpower can do on its own, it's so fucking impressive. If you have no regulations, it's amazing what you can pull off. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
How many people even died making the goddamn shit?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Dogs can't understand that. They don't understand time. They don't understand capitalism. They don't get the apps. They don't have thumbs. Yeah. The rest of us don't. As humans, we're forced to understand time, so yes, we want to fill time quickly, Marcus, because there's nothing but, because time, Marcus, is the most precious commodity of all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And it's a big central ship, right? It has a bunch of smaller ships that kind of go with it, right? Like kind of like support ships.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
What I love first is when a boat has tits on the front of it, and it shows respect. It shows respect. People respect the tits beneath. Shut up. That's the island. They go and they look and they're like, whoa, look at those big tits. Yes. Let's do business for them. A lot of times they did have tits on the front. That's what I'm saying. Like literally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Well, they also said specifically this boat because a lot of times they wouldn't put a lot of like zhuzh into these boats. But the Batavia, they're like, let's make this one nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So what they did...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
do is so if you're going to indies it's such a long fucking trip so there's and because they have business out there there's a bunch of people that will put stuff onto the ship to go and bring over there because they got shit to handle over there this was from coon coon was trying to build a castle that was supposed to be in tribute to himself yeah literally castle batavia yeah they were going to just bring stuff to build him a house there's shit there no
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Because they were the ones that brought the money. They had to hand over the money to the guys. Now, we will meet the guy that's in charge of the money that will be on the boat that is our main character, Paul Rudd, our Paul Rudd. Yeah, yeah. And the Gentleman's 17, they're not going on the trip. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Every once in a while, he'll put on a little shower cap and go out there. And he just kind of goes like, oh, this is crazy. Golf balls. You know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
God damn it. God fucking damn it. Fucking shit. That is what this guy is. He's a salty dog, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's kind of like, makes me one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's redundant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Now, this is our Paul Rudd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Okay. And it's going to have to figure out if he can make it right in the end. Yeah. And his whole list is going to rest on Pelsart's shoulders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But he also was a guy that was kind of like, he was viewed as charming. Well, he was good at it. He was a good negotiator, and he wasn't brutal. He was like a guy that liked, kind of like, in a way, liked people. Like, he liked the job in a way. He's a salesman. But he's a, no, fuck up. He's a constant fuck up. Well, Pelsart, well, actually, no. Pelsart was not a constant fuck up. Well, sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, British might. I guess they don't really wear jeans like we do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, fuck, man! Well, because at the time, it was very... It was customary for if you were in another country, they let you fuck pretty much anybody you want. You could fuck up anybody of any caste. You could do, you know, use their fucking... Their version of sex workers. You could do whatever. They didn't care. But the main thing was, like, leave the local nobility alone. But...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He ended up because, but guess what? I think a lot of them are going to be more attractive. Yeah. The problem is you meet a princess. Yeah. She's hot as fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And then you fucking kill her accidentally because you're a moron. Why do we have the clove oil? I don't know. I don't know. Fucking hate clothes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You gotta help me. I wish it was normal before, man. You gotta help me out, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The fucking second girl is ODing on me this week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm going to steal that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Well, I don't murder. Well, I covet. I guess I make fun of my mom. But also I love her. I do honor her in a way. You're all about false idols. I'll tell you that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Just remember, each one of these guys have their back absolutely against the wall. Francisco Pelsart had to beg his way onto these ships.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Because he's on, because it's a horrible run. You don't want, it's a real nice ship, but it is a rough fucking run. He does not want to be on this. So you have him, you have Ariana Jacobs, who literally, he's got a, he's fucking, what's his name? He's about to retire. This is his, this is supposed to be his last chance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
trip oh he's our danny glover yeah but he's like he's nebulous right he's kind of but he's the whole thing is that this is the last time i'm supposed to go this is the last time i'm doing this shit i'm never doing it again and then you have the other guy then you have uranus who's a psychopath that we don't know yet i know you said it earlier but how many people are on the boat
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It seemed like a kind of fun, it's a fun idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Now, wouldn't that make your soldiers weaker? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course. But once they got there, they maybe could rest and recoup and then get back. That's kind of... Well, that's also why... You can still do push-ups, I guess. Well, also, to be honest, that's why you send so many. Yeah. So that you can lose 15%. Mm-hmm. Like, literally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They're expendable. Remember... Everyone on this boat is expendable. They're expendable, yeah. Nobody gives a shit if any one of these guys come back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, it's the Jet Lees, the Dolph Lundgrens of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This is what I'm saying. It's Ocean's Eleven. Nobody's going to miss any of these fuckers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yeah. My Uber is here. I wonder if he, also what they would do is the treasure room. So that was also what I love is that all the money and all the jewels, because also Pelsark was bringing his own personal jewels. He had a collection of something like 75 grand that were kept in this specific safe room. That was behind the Orlop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But Marcus, don't you love it when they do the social media promos where they like set it to music and you see the robots kind of dancing in unison, sort of like a giant. like lockstep army of thousand pound unstoppable machines.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So in order to get to it, you would have to go through the soldiers to get to that stuff. That's smart. Also, why even bring the soldiers back?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And then, but ostensibly, the shit would go again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So then it's just going to get worse and worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, like being in Santa's pants.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I don't care if I die! Me neither. Yeah, me neither. We're all one guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yes. Let me suck on your eyeballs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yes. Oh, now I forget. If they're not open, you can't feed them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And they were sort of kept separate. Tried to. They tried to. They tried to keep them separate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Put them up in the crow's nest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They would give them little hours. They would be allowed to go up top. They would be allowed to go up top. Everyone had to leave. They were allowed to go up top, and then they had to go back down. But they were like... It's also kind of funny, because it's, again... As we'll see, it's this desperate attempt to create this modern, civilized, hierarchical society on this boat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We are an extension of the Netherlands. And this boat will remain orderly and it will be fine from here on out. Why would you bring your family? Because they encouraged it so that you wouldn't worry about, so you'd try real hard to not die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I thought they're fueled by the piss bottle. Well, they're just inspired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
What did you just say? Did he get dysentery?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And this is kind of like, so Pelsart and Jacobs immediately had sort of an antagonistic relationship because Jacobs was kind of like, he didn't, but he got stuck and he showed, he's like, I'm an old sea, it's like, I'm an old sea dog and I'll tell you how to do this. And he saved the boat. Everyone's like, oh, okay, maybe things will be fine. Yeah. Where was the sandbank?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Was it by Europe or Africa?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He was trying to kind of blow off steam, and Jacobs was a really bad fucking drunk. He was a bad drunk and a rapist. And what he was doing was they were going around all the other boats, and in a funny way, he just started fights with the crews and all these other boats. Like, this guy just decided to fight the entire mission. Yeah. For some reason, they got hammered.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's like the varsity team beats up the JV team.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But they're on the same team. We all go to the same school, but I play football, you play baseball, I'm going to slap you. Basically.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Man, it just builds. So now it's going to build. Because you remember, like, we're going to see what causes them to kind of put together what it's like to plan a mutiny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
These guys go straight to hell. I'm not even joking. These guys are going straight to hell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The women and children do great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Let's just say we have no idea how long this is going to be. But it's going to be not that long. Right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But I'm very excited with this fucking shit because it's about to get really fucking gnarly immediately. Yeah. But you'll see. If you go to patreon.com slash last podcast, enough you can watch us scream about it. And have our jaws flopping around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And you go to LP on the left and TikTok and Instagram. For some reason, they're still there. Yeah. So you want to go look at that. That's good for advertising.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And then twitch.tv slash LPN TV. Go and watch our streams. Such as... Not tonight. Yesterday we did Hoopa Goo Goo, but it will soon be on YouTube.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yes, it'll be on YouTube, and then you can see the next live Hoopa Goo Goo on February 6th, 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Also, we're going to be in Dallas on February 22nd. Actually, Grand Prairie, Texas. So make sure you catch us there. And then, of course, on the 14th of March, we'll be at the Ryman Theater in Nashville. And just two days after that, that Sunday on the 16th, Henry and I got a Side Stories in Huntsville, Alabama. We're coming for you, NASA. Yeah, that's right, you NASA pieces of shit. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I fucking dare you to show up. Because we are asking you to. Yeah. And I will put you on the list. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I will put you on the list and I will spank myself. And then, of course, we will be on the 18th of April. We'll be in Detroit. And on May 3rd, we'll be in Toronto.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And at the end of June, we're coming back to Atlanta for our rescheduled date. Yep. I cannot wait to see all of you. Can't wait. Can't wait to see y'all on the high seas. I don't want to go, and I'm not going to go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I think it's the low seas. Yeah, Henry and I are going to do a cruise, and we're going to announce it next week, and you'll be able to buy tickets. You're going to come see us on a true crime cruise. You just got to be careful, okay? Honestly, we're going to go out there. Someone's going to get murdered.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We understand. As you should. Hail Satan, everyone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
For setting the book.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Peter, I see you in there, Peter. Peter, let me suck your dick. I want to suck your dick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Bye, Peter. Bye.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, I'm a swinger, me and my wife 25 years older than I. We like to swing on the weekends when I'm not busy here obviously managing the Amazon warehouse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Sounds cool. No one will be the wiser. I will sell as many... Oh, we got all the... We got five trampolines. I know a guy who'll buy five trampolines. I got some bullets over here. We can sell that across the street. There's a lot of young people looking for them. This is going to be an amazing time for us, boys. And then y'all can share my wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Wait a second, Dimitri. Where'd you get that scimitar? What? I found it. A man ordered it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I use it to defend intake.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm sorry, that's one of the customer scimitars, Dimitri.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Henry Zabrowski. Henry Zabrowski. That's as far as I'm going to go. I'm going to try. You know what? The only problem is with a Dutch accent specifically. Dutch accent specifically is the fact that I get into it when I listen to somebody speak with a Dutch accent for long enough. And I can do it while the video is playing. But I cannot do it afterwards. No. No, no, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And it's like Amazon makes their own problems by making a desperate person inside of these places by creating the scenario in which that desperation is felt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And I miss you, and I'll miss you, and I love your fervent enthusiasm. But you're going to need to stay here behind. Make sure that all these squeegees are completely safe. Okay? We're going to Washington, D.C. All right? I love you. I'm going to have sex with my wife, and I'm going to think about you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
yeah i'd love to see that but not to be uh too stereotypical but any one of us that has worked in any aspect has met a low-powered middle manager oh my god that if given the opportunity to kill everyone yeah absolutely would joe garricks yeah i remember him yeah or give it yeah you already had a guy in mind keith i just remember keith from my old job and a guy named will stavenhagen
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, and they sort of build a—imagine that they've also built a giant cocoon of him, and he's wearing, you know, like, some kind of—definitely minion gear. He's got a minion hat on, and it's made out of several, like, highly well-constructed, super expensive tents that you get, like, on Prime Delivery. You see those things that you can get.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And then, like, all of a sudden, he's just, like, inside of this with, like, two big Stanley cups filled with blood. Yeah. Yes, yes. They can use the trampoline.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, kill Terry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You wouldn't believe he put on a bunch of Garfield slippers, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I don't care anything about it. But I did prepare for the show by farting under the sheets and holding Julie there. Thank you. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He had an OLED 65-inch screen just for some reason attached to a sash around his back. And he came up... think that he did I can't believe what he did he force fed he force fed Terry five pounds of creatine I've never seen someone do this before how much lead is in that
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Do you want to listen to Last Podcast on the Left without ads? Do you want extra content? Do you want to see what it's like behind the scenes? Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the Left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
America is the pussy, and the crime is the gun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
tongue in the mouth of the police a dental dam is the constitution get it between them in the crime we have to remove the constitution them to get right up inside of the pussy hole of america and at the clit of criminality perfect perfect analogy thank you now the seven men of the gangster squad could only do so much to root out police corruption because they kept arresting themselves
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Hey, I'm not arrogant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Sorry about that, y'all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You don't want me to take my hat off, because then unfortunately, you would see my brain. I lost the top of my eyebrows in World War I. So the hat is unfortunately my head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And I was just, like, trying to measure Natalie of where I'd cut her directly in half. But I went in and I looked up the top songs of 1947 just to kind of get in the mood. And I listened to a bunch of old pop songs. And I was just sitting there. And Natalie came back. She had a dinner with a bunch of her girlfriends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It keeps my brain away from the wind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm sorry I got slipped.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, so they lived. Yeah. Oh, okay. Cops also, we know, they don't ever tell fishermen's tales of the things that they've done in the past and have exaggerated how powerful and masculine they are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That picture of the two of them looking at the bodies like so, they're just like, why are you even, why are you crouching like that? You obviously can't crouch. Yeah. On a hill? No, it's a sloped hill. You're going to fall over. They both look like rumpty dumpties.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I don't think he approved of the nickname, and I don't know if people said it out loud. It might have been more accepting to be called Fat Pack then. Oh, sure, it was. It's almost a compliment. It was a compliment because it meant you were rich, charismatic, you were healthy, you were safe. Charismatic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
She came in and she just saw, like, me, no shirt, in my underwear, watching, drinking a fucking three fingers of scotch, listening to, here you want to win? Oh, you never will be. I wish you had those little belts that hold your socks up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's just a very, it's like a combo of like, Thaddeus is the good son, right? Thaddeus is the son that got the- Well, quote unquote, good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's how I view him. I view him as the, he's the face, he's the front facing one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes, he is the political sweetheart of the LAPD. That's why they like him is because politically he looks good. He is much more handsome than his brother. And because of his rapport with all the police and the fact that he's here to firmly establish what he believes is a lawful boys club. And I think that Thaddeus Brown had a problem with Finnis Brown because Finnis Brown is, to be honest,
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He's a fucking mystery. This man is an unfathomable mystery. And he's a piece of shit. And his name is Finnis Brown. It's very interesting, but he's a fucking, we don't know really what this man's agenda was and what he had to gain from jamming up the process of the Black Dahlia murder. We also know that he might have been on the take. He also might have been deeply undercover.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He was definitely on the take. But they're also saying that he was undercover, telling people who he was taking a take from. And this is this game. This is what happened in JFK. This is why JFK is like the way it is. Because once assets become an asset, once a cop becomes an informant for themselves, like once they are...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
him there are a million games being played at all times and nobody trusts each other next episode we are going to go into this idea of like i think truly what's going on here is like it's there's like seven mafias of different industries all fighting at once yeah well because if you weren't committing crimes you weren't able to get anything done exactly you literally it's like lance armstrong he wasn't cheating he was competing
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Which is not a compliment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And it's probably not a coincidence that they were tossed on one of the most high-profile cases to ever hit the city.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's what I mean. Because of his connection to Thaddeus, he was tossed on the case. But why? And who's involved? Were they the first people to show up?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because the world was kind of small.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, it sounds like also partially was the issue of all the confessing Sams, is that they got this influx, we talked about last week, of all of these people wanting to jump in and insert themselves into this case. Because again, I think that where Los Angeles comes into play is that you have the...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And you're like, oh, and then it kind of feels nice to be here again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because everybody's an actor in the population, there's a lot of people looking to be like, I can put my mark on this case. Oh, I can get my picture on the paper, which I do think is true. I think there's a little bit of the beginnings of this idea of like any publicity is good publicity. No, everyone thinks they're living in Chicago.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And so now they're calling in. And so everything got gummed up. They have no specific forensics because at the time it was a backward science. The body was completely washed clean. They can't figure out what to do. And so now it's, I think that's where we're at.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You'd think it'd be easier to solve, but what we've talked about on the show time and time again, if it's not somebody that knows the persons directly, it's extremely difficult to figure out.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Most murder is done by somebody that you know.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Like 95% of the time.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's why it's always the husband. It's always the wife. That's what they look for. But when it's a problem, which is in this case probably true, close to a complete stranger, it's hard to figure it out.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, just a little couch ride with my sweetheart.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But I do think that there's a theory that holds of that she was cut for transport because of where she was dumped, specifically because she was in a high populous area. There were people lived around. Yes, there were vacant lots, but she was discovered by people just walking through. People walk through Limerick Park all the time.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
So I do think that there might actually be reason that she was cut in half. And that's why my main theory is that it was done by several people. But we'll get there. We'll get there. But they could have just put straps on her. That's what I do at Rambo.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, let's go smile, swear like my baby.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But how does Julie get you into the bath?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I think that one connection could be to the legal abortion circuit and that they have a guy if this is a mafia hit which I do think that is correct I think that it is involving the mafia on some level is that they bring in an abortion doctor to essentially who's also in the cut to being like how the fuck do we got the psychopath did this to her we need to get rid of this right now we need to do it right now and his first thing is like we put her in two burlap sacks and we go drop her off somewhere sure
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But let's not get too hard.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's a whole book about the Black Dahlia that we not even get to about the werewolf murders. And then how it connected back to the three... Frankenstein murders? Eddie, they were the Dr. Frankenstein murders.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I mean, we had a deal on Wolf of Wall Street where they had to keep Jordan Belfort off set because he kept trying to show up.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Okay, okay. I love JFK, my own. You know, I love Jesus Christ. It's the only Catholic president. I would never kill a Catholic president. I'd never do that, okay? I was down there because I like slime. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Remember, I just always want to say this. These, what we consider to be big cover-ups, my belief will always be that they're small and that we're looking at as human. It's like, this makes me wonder whether or not Marilyn Monroe was actually killed just because of the fact that she was connected to, like, it's human. It's a lady that is a famous comedian. kind of like a mess at this point.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's when the cannibalism started.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Like, she seems to be kind of like an out-of-pocket person that you'd want to get whacked, just like Elizabeth Short.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And then she's been shooping to President and his brother, and she may have probably been around a bunch of different shit and probably was popping off saying all the stuff that she was going to say about the time when she was fucking the president and fucking his brother at the same time.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's not her fault. You're right. But still, you get whacked for it.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We have to do, we got to do the series, buddy.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Whoa. This is like, you say you don't like mafia stuff, but then some of these things are really fun. I like the mafia murders. I just don't like the, hey, we got to go check out the numbers. Yeah. Go check out the numbers game.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, they invented the numbers. It's the latter. There's too many names. I know, but Bugsy Siegel's fascinating because this is the— You just like him because he invented Vegas. Dude, these are our real forefathers.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Basically, a lot of these guys came out to L.A. really because they couldn't hack it in New York and Chicago.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah. And it's an open territory. Yes. And then you come out here too. It's like, and they were also, they would also send people out. They'd be like, all right. Oh, you know, like old sloppy Fred. No, Mickey Cohen.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And that shows that anything's possible in this town.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I just, honestly, I looked at all the manuals and I just thought if I believed... Oh, hot water.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, I think Screen Actors Union is a really good way to hire people very quickly, and then you get people that are in dire straits under your control.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And movie stars and directors haven't changed all that much.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I love those little girls. Yeah. God damn, I just want to break off a piece of some of them handsome women.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
She was always trying. She was jealous of my contacts.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Or did he want to be in an affair with Elizabeth Short?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Mark Hansen, his whole storyline is that he was an immigrant. He was Danish. Yeah, he came in. He was desperate to get in the movies. The way he got in the movies was by distribution, which happens a lot. He got in and what he found, according to people who knew Merck Hansen, he was a family man. He had wife and kids. And when he started, he he considered himself a very honest businessman.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Like he was trying to set up a way for him in LAPD in L in L.A. that would be successful for forever. And what then happened is that he ran into what happens to anybody that tried to run into any one of these businesses in Los Angeles at the time. You had to speak with various mafia members that would also be members of the police force and all this kind of stuff.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And it just seems kind of perfunctory and it seemed to be a part of business. A lot of people mark the Florentine Gardens gambling group as to actually be kind of small and kind of low level. And it was considered just to be sort of like casual in terms of what they were doing there. He was really trying to get into show business. That's what he wanted. And make money in show business.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And then what happened is that he got addicted. To ladies.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Just go and turn on some Count Basie. Go get some... I love this. The new song I like was Near You. It's a very kind of... Like when we talked about how every song from the 1940s in the right context is truly frightening because it's just... I was just looking at these and just like I was looking at pictures of Elizabeth Short over and over again. Just remember that.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's all like, I want to sing...
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because his last name is Granland.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, seriously. Can we hold a moment of silence and say...
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
The wife left him. Why? I don't know. It seems that like we have a lot of friends that have run nightclubs, but it seems that when you run a nightclub.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I mean, back in the day, we've known people that I know people that have. Yeah. And we it does seem to hurt your relationships because what happened was is that he fell in love again with the biz, which is always like the worst thing for a business owner, especially in show business. where he became really into this idea of, oh, I can control all of these young women.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
They're being really nice to me and they're flirting with me because I have something to give them. And then he started renting his own apartment Right behind the place. And his wife had left him. And then eventually, because they were there with him. And when the family left, he's like, oh, I'll just bring the chicks in here. Yeah. So they started hanging around.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I feel nothing. The key is to have a sub's inclination to be embarrassed and then the lack of shame to hold anything back. That's the key, is that you've got to be able to come to Los Angeles, eat shit, and like it.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And now what we know, because what do we know about Elizabeth Short? She pretended to want to be an actress. Yeah. She did not actually. She talked about it a lot. She talked about it. But she didn't actually want to be one. So Mark Hanson was sold originally on this idea that, well, this is Beth. She's here. She wants to be a dancer. And Mark Hanson fell. Yeah. So, butt deep in love with her.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You beat me.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Technically, Mark Hansen was doing the more of the Romeo, what they call Romeo grift or Romeo con for pimps versus coercive.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's more like, of all the girls, which seemed to happen to Beth Short quite a bit, is that he...
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
chose her specially like the other girls he was just trying to fuck yeah but then when and turn out yes but when he met elizabeth short he fell in love yes like it was something else like he became obsessed with yeah but guys like that it probably happens to him like once a month yes but then they don't turn into the black dahlia which is the you know always the kind of issue with all of these stories in this episode yeah but mark again mark hansen didn't turn into the black dahlia
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because remember there was also one of the theories, it's because Elizabeth Short said that her pussy was destroyed? Well, that was just proven. Yeah, of course, yes. But it was one of the weird lines that she gave. One was that she was a virgin, and the other one was just like, my vagina doesn't work.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
So this is the final run. This is the story of Fire Walk With Me. Yeah. Like, literally. So she... And right now, we just have flashes.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, those murky, murky waters. Murky, murky Black Dahlia waters. I have been up to my nipples. That's deep.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, it's because she... really was... She was homeless. She basically was homeless. And at this point, what they truly say is once the soldier storyline for her ended, she really was kind of left to the winds. So that's a
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Part of what they say that she was probably doing when she was making all the phone calls in the hotel was that she was calling every old soldier that she had known from back in the day. Can you send me money? Can we do this? And she was really kind of speed running toward the end of her life. But it sounds like the conflict that got her kicked out of the house was...
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
was also kind of indicative of why Beth Short was considered to be an intense, sometimes people would say difficult person, because she kind of wanted it both ways a little bit. So she wanted Mark Hansen to be in love with her. So she'd play that angle up for a while and then hold out, which is, is her right. She's allowed to do it. Made Mark Hansen angry. Eventually he's like, all right, fuck it.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He tried to move on. New girl comes in. New object of Mark Hansen's affections. She flips out saying all of the stuff being like, she's going through my bags. She's trying to steal my stuff. And he's all like, why don't you just go?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And then that's when she that is like apparently what it started a bunch of drama because that's what happens when you put all of the showgirls that you're having sex with in one apartment.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And that's just like, I'm just going to say this as a producer.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
don't do that well there's also i mean half of the houses that are like a million five in hollywood right now would just hold actresses for producers oh dude if you go up and down i always think about on rampart when you go up to like they used to have these furnished housing and that's like where all of this shit kind of happened they used to have actors housing where they used to kind of put them weirdly like in tenements where they were just all hanging out they owned you
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because we've been obviously kind of going over all the theories about the murder. Last week, we talked a little bit about the Black Dahlia Avenger. We brought them in. We know that at this point in the case, when everyone arrives and they are shocked by the body of Elizabeth Short, The conspiracy and the cover-up kicks in immediately. Now, what we want to do is, like, we don't know necessarily.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But it's also kind of got, though, in a way, though, that contract system must have been kind of fun. Like, you hear, like, all those Ernest Borgnine types, because you show up, you have no idea what part you're playing. You're like, oh, I guess I'm a farmer today. And you're like, oh, I guess I'm a coal miner today. Like, that kind of stuff is fun.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And then you're an alien, and then you're something else. It's kind of, you know. It's like improv class. Yeah.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, a damn cop lover. Lola Titus, have you researched into her at all? Mm-hmm. Fuck some woman. She was a, She was his Rubenesque affair. Like he was like super into this lady and she was known for like, she'd get naked at the drop of a hat. She was like, she's a fun lady. Yeah. A lot of energy.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Just understand that this is why this case is so difficult because it's just, everybody's a villain. Yeah. No one's telling the truth. It is the, it's like dealing with the CIA. No one is, no, you don't know what anybody's actual story is.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
This really probably has nothing to do with the Black Dahlia directly.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's more just showing that Mark Hanson had definitely had a relationship with the police, which means that he was more than more than probably an informant, which would mean that if Finnis Brown work for Mark Hanson or was like a bag man for Mark Hanson, it's like he was then conversely working for a gangster that was also working for the police.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's the truth. This is what we're in the middle of. This is what I'm trying to explain.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I won't give it to you. I won't give it to you because it's mean. And again, the magician theory has not proven out.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That I enjoy.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Or do you want to go get some flowers and make me a vase?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
All right, how about you? What way do you want me to get dressed? One sock? One glove?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, you want me to cover my pussy, huh? Can you smell it? Yes.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Marcus is sure. Marcus, he likes his suspects.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I also brought this pot of beef stroganoff from home.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And that's fucking, honestly, what a fucking lie. I have never heard a producer say no. anything like that no to anybody i know like that's just like that's never that ploy has never been used in this city ever like this i mean who do they think we are here i am so sick of my cherished art being slammed in this way how fucking dare you because i was never given the opportunity yeah you were
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
yes actually the one time I was but it wasn't how I wanted it it was never some big busty milf saying well you know these tits aren't gonna suck themselves or should I say oh what else Mr. Babe Ruth like I'm auditioning for Babe Ruth no it was a man yeah yeah and you said no yep and look where you are now I made the error of having taste and and pride and I'll never do it again
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Lola Titus was one of those girls, and in her exact words, she said, quote, I made up my mind that he was either going to love me, marry me, or take care of me, or I was going to kill him.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
What do you mean? I just thought I had moxie. I thought I was going to go to Southern California State Hospital for the big titty.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, it's not fucking something happened. That's also I feel like it's really weird.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I would imagine they just put her away into it. It just really kind of I thought it's interesting that she went to a state hospital instead of jail.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I cast a little doubt in my own mind, but really what we're trying to set up in this episode is the atmosphere that caused the Black Dahlia murder. Without the corruption of Los Angeles Police Department and show business and all of it put together, this doesn't happen.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
This feels like it's too much of a writerly version of what they wish kind of way that they could explain it.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I think that what you're saying is half right. I think that the second half is right. I think that they would like to portray her
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
as this interconnected high-end call girl that was super sophisticated i don't think she was a call girl at all no i don't think so either i think that she never did it for money i think she was just surviving and i think that she really just had a taste for dangerous people and it got her quite a lot of trouble you know she could have been an escort not a sex worker Just someone to be seen with.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I think she just liked guys. Yeah, I think she just liked... And nice things.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
She liked nice clothes. She wore her perfume. I think that it wasn't... She didn't have highfalutin ideas in that way. I think that she was literally just trying to survive.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Thank you, Mr. Hansen's fake lawyer. Thank you for pointing this out. Yeah, it's because his cutting hand does this. Shaky, shaky, shaky, shaky, shaky. You know what? I think what you're saying is correct. The answer is in this clip. Yes. That's where the answer is, is here.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's somewhere in this miasma of dudes that she met during her time around Mark Hansen, the Florentine Gardens, and all of this stuff that is connected around it. And that's where I think that we're stumbling into is that these places are just where a lot of guys that no one wants to talk about that are in the same room and they don't want people to know that they're all in the same room.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And it's like she's just was a big old like tying everybody together. She was the rug that tied the room together.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
She turned down Hanson probably. Well, think about, you know, like they're the way the city opens up to the right star. You know, Scarlett Johansson arrived. I think about it in that way. We're like these people. I mean, most of them were industry plants. But when someone just shows up. Right. That's just a simply very beautiful, charismatic woman, especially in these businesses.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
things can go really far for you very quickly. And I think that's kind of is what happened to her in a way too. I think because she was so hot and so desirable and to many men like that also just kind of fired up everything around everywhere she'd go. It's like everywhere she went, she started a fire.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah. Black Dahlia, man.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
This next section of this whole story is so fascinating. I just find this all so fascinating. But the breakdown of Dr. Deriver is because right now this is the rise and fall of Dr. Deriver.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And he did have some approval. But very little approval for what he was doing. So, Deriver was hired by the LAPD. You know, he ran the sexual offenders unit.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He was putting this all together. And eventually, they just kind of like, he was just kind of off-road. And so, eventually, he was just like, I know exactly how to catch this criminal. And the first thing he did was like, we must beat him. We must encourage a tet-a-tet. You know that the Black Dahlia Avenger will have no, no way to not respond if we tell everybody we think he's a dum-dum.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's a trap.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You have never met a man as sinister as Jeff. Jeff! The worst man I've ever met. My best friend. Jeff.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He went to the same hot dog stand she frequented, my friend.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And in one letter... Dogs, horses, airplanes, octopus, anything you can draw, Jeff was addicted to it. Dangerously so.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But right before you get your face turned into a hideous clown, you know, macabre display and get sliced in half, it's a lot of fun. Yeah.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
As you can see here, these two round lobes might just be a butt. drawn by my best friend and enemy, Jeff. Jeff!
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
With a horse.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
With a fish. Many things can be made love to that are inappropriate, depending on where you're from.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Downtown. Downtown where? Jephthah. You ever been to Jephthah? My best friend was from there. His name was Jephthah.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And the beginning of this was just letters. Yeah. So he opened this up and he started writing back and forth with Jack Zand. And he's like, literally is like, yes, we ought to put it. This is the answer I have been looking for.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I do kind of believe, it's kind of a funny idea of being like, gangsta squad, and you go out there and solve this case. And they're all like, yes sir, yes sir, yes sir. And they're all just like trying to get in the elevator at the same time. They all try to get in the same car. Tommy gun shooting in the ground.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Who's sitting in the garage? I'm sitting in the garage. I want to be in the trunk. I'm riding on the top of him on the hood. I'm making siren noises. I'm making the siren.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We need to get organized.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Gangster squad, on it.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Which they denied. They denied they ever sent a cop to go look at them. But, you know, it's all who's saying what.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because you could either end up Charlie Chaplin or you could end up... Donnie Chaplin.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, take a look at my hips. A one and a two and a three and a four and a... I'm just buying time to the end of class. I view him as the he's Rob Schneider from Home Alone 2. He's got the bellhop. We're going to be discovering the bellhop mafia. There's a lot of these things go flying around here.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But it is funny because they all like kind of talk about as soon as the word bellhop comes up and all of these are like.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's who's got all the information. It's just the idea of, are every bellhop just somebody who's stealing out of bags and looking through people's purses?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He knows the pimp. I would never say the bellhop's the pimp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And that's what's nice about a one-stop shop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That was the difference about 1940s sex parties, I think. They played with balls, though. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But think about that. I think that's why they were like, because Mark Hanson got all into the world of like 1940s sex parties. And I really feel like the main difference is just like, it's where they learned about sucking balls.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, we're going to we are, you know, this is a breakout of the story. We're going to come back to Leslie Dillon right now, but just know that we are going to touch upon some of the other subjects. But George Hodel was so fully covered in the Root of Evil podcast. It's kind of hard for us to shoehorn him in here, but we'll figure it out.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Eddie, I'll allow it because it's almost Christmas. It is funny because I've never, I never did the Black Dahlia deep dive. Yeah, I didn't either. It was like one of those true crime things that I kind of thought, I think it's because as we were getting deeper into true crime as a person. Yeah. First of all, it was like more into serial killers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Also, remember, his voice, one of the big things, too, is that his voice sounded just like, that's why I'm doing the voice like that. He's the caller. Yeah. That's what they said. He sounded the smooth, modulated tones that are called as the Black Dahlia Avenger that have talked to Jimmy Richardson.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, there was the one story he was obsessed with apparently that he collected all the articles on of a girl that had gotten her tooth shot out of her mouth from a BB gun. Yeah.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
True crime was... This is a joke. True crime has been a massive genre forever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And with the rise of the American gangster, like, when we covered Bonnie and Clyde, you find out that, like, you know, it had made a whole, like, sex-filled industry of true crime where people, they were viewed as stars and people loved, like, paying attention to them.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
this is the man and thus began the effort to lure dylan back to california deriver contacted dylan and asked him to meet which is also so stupid this whole thing is like like this is the thing it's like on one half it's like this tete-a-tete between investigator and criminal and the other half it amounts to one of the dumbest series of interactions i've ever seen between two humans it's
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, very different than California.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You want to do it all the way, because if you leave some blood in it, it gets stinky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
The key is to make her entirely empty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Doing time-tested trials to see how quickly it would take for me to saw a woman in half, surgically incredibly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
What if instead we posited, like, this is very harsh language, right? And we love the LAPD. We're not trying to remotely criticize the LAPD in any way, right, Eddie?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes, Jeff is the worst bastard I've ever met. Do you mind? Running a bath for me, Dr. Deriver?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Absolutely. I would love to run the bobbliest bath you've ever had. Would you like me to first help you undress?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You're sitting in a hotel room together, hanging out, and there's a moment of silence. It's like, why do you think the black dolly was cut in half?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Have you thought about a ruler, my friend? Before we get too far, because I do appreciate your curiosity, but have you ever even thought about maybe putting a banana for sizing reference? That's how you would know how shallow or deep your penis can be.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes, yes. But I think that more, a way to kind of put this more gently is that the LAPD came and were taught improv classes by mafia men. And then when that did was in that play acting, in that yes and like scenario, they then ended up committing quite a bit of crimes at the time. But it really was about staying in character. Yes. There wasn't many checks and balances out here. No. You're right.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm only a doctor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
A bit of pressure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We've been talking for a period of time. But I'm just looking at you, and I wonder. Now, I'm a doctor. Would you pretty please get naked for me?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We've had a seven-hour trip. You've taken a 19-hour two-propeller plane flight to Las Vegas. We have now driven to Palm Springs for no reason. Can I see them dangles? Can I see you show me them nipples? My good sir, we got to get naked together.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
See, there's some stories, but then there's the other idea of, like, weirdly... Which I do actually think is true of him going like, yeah, sure. Like he was like, we have to remember. So right now we're playing this. We are going to go through this whole. Dylan's playing a game here. Dylan's a fucking weirdo. Yes. Okay.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
So the idea of going into this weird lodge with this doctor man and then him just saying like, would you please remove your clothes? And then him just going like, yeah, right. Well, he is a doctor.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I think it was a choice in music on the way we were driving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm not a pedophile, but I have seen many boy corpses. Yes. Many, many, many, many boy corpses, and sometimes I do seek them out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. Little sugar packet. Flap back and forth. Tiny penis. But the key is, you know how he's a doctor. And this is a big, this is a lesson to all my people out there that want to interact with penises. The thing about a micropenis is that if it's slightly small, you know, whatever, a micropenis, you want to treat that thing with respect. Because if you don't,
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That thing that's attached to that thing is going to fucking kill you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Which is why the only way I can reveal it is through the newspaper.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, it's weird, but he's posturing. He is acting to the deriver that he is the person who killed Black Dahlia. he is playing he's saying I'm I didn't do it Jeff did it Jeff yeah and so he's saying but I think weirdly though I think well it depends on if you want to go with my theory or not
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It depends, because in my theory, if he's innocent, if Leslie Dillon's innocent, this is just all because he's a fucking freak-a-leek fucking guy that you just, you know, that just happened to be just curious enough to be in a Palm Springs lodge with a criminologist that he just met over a letter and he's just now here.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I can see you just arrived here to be personally investigated as the Black Dahlia murder. I don't know if it's that far back. Beyond the pale that you just show him your micropenis and go, what do you think of that?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's very unforgiving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, this is also deciding whether or not they did have control questions. We don't know whether or not these control questions actually existed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Not Jeff. Not a J. Unfortunately, that was supposed to be the smile.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
There's also one side of the story that says, according to Leslie Dillon, I never said that. And there's supposed to be a recording saying that he never said it. But then there's another thing saying, oh, no, it just changed after he changed his answers after the fact.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, this is the thing. He freaked his way into this situation, and then he couldn't seem to figure out how to freak his way out. No. So he's now...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
in there and now they're like you've told them a bunch of really cryptic shit that you are playing some psychological game trying to insert yourself into either you are the Black Dahlia murderer or you're trying to insert yourself into the story for some reason but now you're just like you're just allowing them to just own you and it's like all of a sudden you realize he's like oh shit this is starting to get more and more serious okay good thanks glad I gave you all this information I'll see you later back to Miami why is this door locked
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
If you saw this in a movie, you'd be like, that's the corniest shit. That doesn't happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Can't wait for this one. On one side of it, it's like, He's a total absolute madman murderer, and then there's the other side of it being like, this man is chaos itself. This is a desk clamp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah. That's why they call me Tootsie. The nap man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But also he could be using it... I heard one theory, but it kind of makes sense. It's for autoerotic asphyxiation. He might have. That's a possibility.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Some of it was disorganized. How so? Bad scheduling. Poor catering.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And this is where Deriver was like, he got so hard. Yeah. He was just like, yes, multiple personalities.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Is it a Hitler mustache in 1933? Because I don't think it is. I think you'd call it a Lincoln mustache. No, you'd call it a chaplain. Lincoln didn't have that mustache. The hat. What? The mustache looks like a hat for the lips. That's...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
There's no evidence. There's no physical evidence that connects them to the scene of the crime. Deriver destroyed all ways of making a legitimate investigation by doing this way. This is why, unfortunately, even though I love that he's a maverick, and I love his style, and I like the fact that he decided to beg for forgiveness instead of ask for permission. That's my style. I enjoy that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But he legitimately... Fucked up everything. Yeah. And so this guy, he also was, I'm going to be fair and say Deriver was also going like, well, you sure you didn't kill the Black Dahlia? Like he was like pressuring this other psychopath that was like, while it was just Deriver and the gangster squad, it kind of felt like maybe a game. And then they tortured him a bunch. Yeah.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, I'm Jeff. Yeah, I'm a 40-year-old busboy, pulp fiction writer, and I'm a failed actor turned cosmetic salesman. What's going on? Yeah. You guys got a problem? What's the big deal here? Why is everybody so angry? And he actually was a friend of Leslie Dillon. Oh, yeah, I know Leslie. Yeah, yeah, he wishes it was me. Half the time, because I'm awesome.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Is my buddy Leslie in trouble or something? Is something going on? Did he take like the wrong hors d'oeuvres or something from a restaurant? What's going on here? I'm Jeff. I wanted to be an actor, but now I'm a cosmetic salesman, so I don't really know what the big deal is. He didn't cut a woman in half, did he? Did he?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I just thought it was kind of like a funny story or whatever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That is true, though. Yeah. That was a part of the hook. Sure. To get him to come to Vegas. Oh, yeah. Was him being like, yes, of course I'll hire this suspect for the Black Dahlia murder. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You want some ice cream? How do you want a popsicle? It might be hard next to your fucking heater. Listen, though, I'll get you a little bit of ice cream if you just admitted to the murder, if you did the Black Dahlia murder, okay? Want some Dippin' Dots? You feeling okay there, buddy?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He still won. They're like, you're bad at it and you're a bad person, but I can't fire you. God damn it, you're attractive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I mean, that's easy to do. You just go to Turkey and you spend $8,000 to get it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
No, no, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And I hung out with everybody. You know, Liz, she came over. We were hanging out. It was us, Sean Wayne. We were hanging out, and we were just having a blast. We took the Hindenburg, and we took it to Lenny Dykstra's house, who's soon going to be a Mets player about 40 years from now. Yeah, can you cash a check for me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And him and Leslie were very similar. They were like two buddies. Yeah. They're very similar in that way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Is it bad to say that I feel like these guys are my two wolves? No. Like inside of me that I have a Leslie Dillon in me and I have a Jeff Connors in me.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Part 3! We're gonna, I still wonder, can the killer of Elizabeth Short be both the same man?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
that impetuously tortured her beat her to death in disorganized fashion right ragged face cuts uh all of the weird sexual play all this like the kind of what the marks of a disorganized killer and can they also be the same person that will surgically put them in half like literally cut them in half and dispose of them and i still don't know if it can be just one man Well, it seems hard. It does.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I bleed when I put together an Ikea-like chair. But there's a lot left to cover here. We got this... Right now, to me, it seems like it's clearly fucking Leslie. But there is... It's cloudy. It's murky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's cloudy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And we're going to come through with some couple, I've got a couple other suspects under my belt that I want to talk about eventually too, because there's a lot of fucking guys out there because we didn't even get to the butchers.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We haven't talked about the werewolf murders. We haven't talked about like, it's kind of crazy, dude. It's getting, it just, this is one of those things that just keeps going.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And I'm loving this, you know, I love this story about this dead woman. Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the web to watch us scream. We can flop around. Go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV because we are, I guess it's already past it. We did the LPN Funhouse last night. Yeah. And I'm upset with my choices. I don't even know what I'm doing yet. Because we're about to go in to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Like then I found the Zodiac and I had seen pictures of the Black Dahlia corpse. And it wasn't until now that like it's kind of then the last podcast got going and And I started thinking like, you know, we'll get there. Yeah, eventually. You know, so I don't need to look into it now. And now I realize like why it's like this. It's very confusing. I am so deep in. I'm losing my fucking mind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because it's in the future, but it's in the past. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Can't wait to see all of you. And hail, sweet Satan. Oh, and how game?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
kind of assholes buying the toilet paper hey how much funny would it be like let's say yeah i mean this is all bad though but at the same time it kind of be fun to go in as a businessman you you're mad at the cops buy all the toilet paper now they all got shit dry man imagine 1940s toilet paper i'm pretty certain it was made out of hemp
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, see? Yeah. We're coming for you. We're coming for your dice, see? Listen, nothing Hitler about my mustache. All right? This is America's mustache. This is Frank's mustache. That's what it needs to be called. Yeah. You know that Hitler apparently shaved the mustache down in order to fit into a gas mask. Really? That's what they said according to him. That's what Hitler said.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And if you want to trust him, which I do, why not just shave the whole mustache? Because you need a little bit of something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Wow. That's fascinating. I didn't even realize that that's where he shows up. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And the gangster squad is interesting because a lot of them are pretty fat. Which actually, I like a fat cop. I think a fat cop is great because it means they think a lot. Yeah, and you can get away from them.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm doing the thing where I'm seeing her face everywhere. I'm talking about hacking tits off everywhere all the time. It's getting a bit of a verbal tick of mine. And then what I did last night. Verbal tit? Last night, what I did is that I wanted to really get in the headspace. Just started waving knives around the kitchen. Yeah.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, we respond from the office and my toilet. But these guys were very, it's going to get deep into the murky worlds because these were now supposed to be the new good guys. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, who's not on the take.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But then it turns out a lot of those guys, What is the term? You have to be careful when fighting monsters to not become one yourself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Of course. And so the gangster squad would then go to bend quite a bit of the rules to do this very honest work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's kind of like using a dental dam, right? You want to get at that pussy, man. You brought it back up into my mind. You brought it back. That's all the Constitution is. Yeah. Right? Because the pussy is crime, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah, we didn't get to the fourth fucking episode to skim some context, you piece of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
You fucking open up wide and throw some KY down your throat because you're going to fucking jam some context down there. We're putting the content context.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I was like, I don't want it. And I didn't know it was, I thought they were just macarons here. I didn't know she made special Batavian ones.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
It's just fucking such a pain to deal with these other cultures, you know, but like if they're bringing 10,000, what are these hundred soldiers really going to do?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
We'll see you in a little while.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah. He didn't even bring the hats. Where are the hats?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I got a bunch of electrical tape in. Put some flourish on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah, I'm sure they're great. I need a vacation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
You think those guys are going to attack us, man? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Oh, it's a steel drum. Oh my God. That's the funkiest sound. Hey, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah, that's how I like to start. Oh, yeah, man. That's how I like to start. I can't wait for this episode. I love a happy ending. This is going to be so, I'm so excited. I like when everyone's just great, but I can never, it's all filled with kisses.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Google Island Defenders. I feel like everything doesn't need a name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
XOXO. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
You know how good they got at slinging rocks. They got nothing else to do. That's all they're doing all day. And there's a lot of rocks. Not to mention they're a lot harder to kill than starving children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
None taken. So basically his plan was like for him and his boys to be like, listen, I know you got all this food and water, but how about shoes? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
They're all like broomsticks dressed like kings.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
But instead of attacking... Hold on, we can die? But I thought you were as bored as we.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Is it ten double oars or they're five and five on each side? Because that's going to depend on how fast they can move.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
He also signed a loyalty contract to his dead wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Euronymous just became Josef Fritzl.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I love this part. Bye from Northland.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
If I go, will you shut the fuck up?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Beautiful sunrise we're having. Yeah. Yeah, what a great day to be a loyal ship captain. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I have a diary.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
There's an island available that we can get. Can I have a quick stupid or type question? So the divers are every day. They're going down. They're trying to get the gold, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
How, what's the diving equipment like in the 16, yeah, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Do they have like a hose? I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
1629.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Why are you doing this?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yes, in it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
One of my favorites.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
So no one's going to steal your stupid book. Fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Come on, I want to see what it's like, what my inside of my arms looks like! He wants it! We gotta just hang him normal!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Now, wouldn't the murder be going backwards again? I'm sorry. Sure. Chopping off the hands. They're bleeding out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Okay, good. But wouldn't it be better to not hang them and just let them bleed out on the beach? No, that's too relaxing. You think so? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Seals Island is extremely nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
He was rough, yeah. Also, if he was just kind and went to the high island, everyone would have just ate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
That is hilarious. He's such a bad apothecary. Isn't it bad? villain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Try and hang me and cut my hands off. I'll show you what you're doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Oh, my arm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
It's like when I ordered too much sushi.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Not a weird thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I thought that's how Italians eat eggs. That's not how they eat eggs. So the egg was black. I was like, holy shit, these Italians got fucking black eggs. That's amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
The waitress called me fat, remember? Oh, yeah. Fucking God. Honestly, hey, I miss her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Oh, no, she bounced off and died. Now they're both killing knees. My killing knees.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I call his hat. I'll kill you. I'll kill you for that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Slum Dutch millionaire, man. Oh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah, aboriginals.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Quick, another jerk-off contest. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Those good instincts by them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I mean, that is the movie that should be made about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
So it finally became like a fruitful island.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
You ever thought of making your diorama a little happier?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
She was the one who was staying with Euronymous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone just dies so easily.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Oh, shit. I was excited. I literally opened Spotify.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
He's only 35? This whole time?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
You know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah, Coon died younger than me right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Talking about 2,000 flushes. Yarr, yarr.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
And I also, you know, it's a common expression, but I think it rings true more now than ever. It's just don't let the fucking bastards get you down. It's true, and that's what they want. They want to take it from you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Trying to break your spirit. And, you know, every time you let them, they're winning. So just fucking ignore it and fight forward.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Can't wait to see her. Man. Also, I just want to say, I'm coming to Florida. All right? I might as well be on the Batavia with this fucking tour. But invasive species. I'm touring Florida. I'm going for a week in March and a week in May. In March, from March 20th to the 23rd, I'll be in Jacksonville, Panama City, and Tallahassee, Florida.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
The Tallahassee show I'm doing with Danny Bedrosian of Key Funk. He's going to play the keyboards with me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, the first place I ever did comedy, I'm coming back to, the 926 Bar and Grill, which formerly Brothers in Tallahassee. That is funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
That's crazy. It's the same exact venue. It's going to be a fucking hell of a show. I can't wait. So if you're in the Tallahassee area, go to that. Also, in May, from May 6th to the 11th, I'm going to be in Naples, Dania Beach, Orlando, and a whole three nights in Key West. But Dania Beach and Orlando are going to be side story shows, so make sure you guys come out to that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
It's going to be a lot of fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Also, I didn't know they had water still in Texas, so that's nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Can't wait to try the pizza.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I really want to get sick and fat. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I mean, well, fatter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I've got a shitload of family coming. Oh, that's going to be awesome. I can't wait to fucking meet the rest of your family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
They are a funny bunch. Hail Sweet Satan. Hail Marcus Parks for putting this big fucker together, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I really, truly love this one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I think Casey Anthony already booked him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
It was easy for me to remember there were two Batavias because it almost rhymes with labias. And you know what they say is loose lips must do kegels.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Very funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
I love it so much. How's the nutmeg? You guys been using it in your various nogs? Every day. I want to say thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
It's a very good impression, actually.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 608: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part IV - My Boss Is Gonna Kill Me!
Everyone's going to be upset. I feel like that's the only chance that has to be made is if it is, in fact, a comedy. Yeah. Because it is just so brutal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Okay, bitch. She does look like a natural two-tone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's familiar. You take your balls and you pull them out so they're ears. We were close, okay? And some people are jealous of that scenario. And just because I was an only child didn't mean I didn't have this relationship with my bishop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Is it bad for Mormons to kill cats? Because it doesn't seem like it's against their beliefs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Oh, that's awesome. I mean, I really like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Bo Nasty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
This story is... So what happened? You could die from that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Hold on. So did she lose because she died?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And she peed and she still died?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And tomorrow's Tuesday, and that's our poo for Tuesday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. Well, he did show up to the wake with a wee.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So I'm doing great. Can you actually, would you like me to? Can you give me some? Can you give me some, please, Daddy? I want to be your hope urinal. Is that why you were laying down next to the toilet earlier? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Oh, I thought they didn't want coffee because they just liked having sex with people while they were asleep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It keeps them from drinking while driving. They're not a fan of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Badly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
First time we're going to hear it today. I fucking hate when people suck so much they make you root for the IRS. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
We're coming for you, America. Yeah, you've gone from shill to straight up member, right? Fuck yeah, dude. That's amazing. I'm out now, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's so nice to finally just be proud. You got your espionage badge, right? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Hey, white horse, nay means nay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I can't believe we all just agreed to just sign through the internet. Yeah. It's like we just cut that, like, the one thing that, like, really kept it real. We just said, make up my signature. I want to say my signature is just like a scribbled drawing of a flower, you know, that I just hit print.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So they're so lazy they won't even kill us themselves?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But didn't they just kill their own?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
See, when I hear something's hanging by a thread, my instinct is to, like, help it. You know? No, the way they think to help it is to tear the thread.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
This is for me. If you want to know what Henry's air quoting, please join the Patreon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
X! That's what I sign. I like a good old-fashioned X. Oh, yeah, that's right. You still haven't learned to read or write. No, no, no. But I did learn that X is called X and not line line. Wow. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
If the Four Horsemen ever came to America, they'd have to race in the Kentucky Derby. That would be what a delight, what a get. And it's pestilence by a nose! And the nose has fallen off. Enjoy your mint juleps, everybody. This will be your last one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And that was in the original Constitution, right? Yeah, kill a child.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Like that's going to be one of the big, that's going to be one of the big new changes. No, I've paid for an abortion that had nothing to do with me. Does that make, I can vote? Was it for fun? No, it was for. Did you just hang out outside of the clinic?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Is this how you meet women? Back in the day, one of my cooks knocked up a waitress and I needed them both at work. You're disgusting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, man. Now I'm learning how to play the line line on the phone. I mean, the sound of the phone. Get better. Learn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
That's like William Randolph Hearst. Sorry, just get it done and be here by 4.30. Wrap it up, all right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
They have a very popular reality show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
You want to poke some holes in a man, join the Swiss Navy. We didn't get paid for this. Someone just sent this in the mail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yes, they sent it in the mail. M-A-L-E.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So there's no Mormon chapels in Vegas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Oh, type 1 diabetes, you... need food. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a major part of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's too bad Instagram Live wasn't around yet. Do you think, question, TikTok saves the kids or furthers the kids? What do you think? Podcasting certainly didn't help. No, podcasting accelerated the whole thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, Chad Daybell. Yeah, anyone looks hot when you're standing next to an uncooked pancake.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Oh, Snapper Jake. God, he's great. God, he was great. I wonder if she got along with Vanna Whitehorse. Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Do you think that anyone ever met Pat Sajak and he was like, hi, I'm Pat Sajak? And then they would be like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I feel like there's so many game show contestants that have killed somebody. Yeah, a lot. We talked about one like a month ago. A few weeks ago.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Rob. He won't allow it. He won't even give it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
The fourth wedding is a Reno wedding.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
We've talked about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
The fourth one's Circus Circus. You're right. I'm sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
They certainly don't believe that you just become dirt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. She's mine, baby. That's Holden's bit. All right, don't steal that. That's Holden's stolen bit. That is his stolen bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Hi, Alex.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So after his NBE, he didn't become a god?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Henry was innocent in college. Jackie, not so much. Yeah, he was the one that did the dirty things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
You know, it was probably easy. So if Barry Cox most likely molested all these kids, it was probably really easy for her to convince Adam, or was it Alex? Alex. To Alex to fucking go after this guy for molesting her kids. Possibly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And then Alex also said in his stand-up that he did it in the nuts, not in the chest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Not all of them. I mean, you know, Hasan Minhaj is a truthful man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It was in the index.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Just like Southern Charm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I'm not sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I remember when I broke up with my long-term girlfriend and it was the first Christmas with my mom afterwards. She's like, now that you don't have your girlfriend, it's nice that I get more presents.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, because of... He's the guy who got tased, correct? Yeah. Now... He got chest problems after that. They could have tied that to them, probably.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, why wouldn't he get arrested for that then? Because they would have to press charges in the first place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I also do the second comforter. I have to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
You know, I mean, if you're going to live on anything, might as well make it angel energy. It sounds cool. No, it doesn't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. And it makes sense that Melanie Gibb would make it past the apocalypse because everyone knows that Gibbs are great at staying alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
He didn't die of AIDS.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And which is worse? His credits include killing men, girls, and boys. Please welcome to the stage, Alex Cox! Thank you, thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I imagine if they're not using the vagina... Should be all good to go. I feel like it's the opposite.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Mm-hmm. Goes good on an everything bagel. I love the pap smear. That's my favorite.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Also, if like anyone's going to commit adultery at a conference, it's the end times conference.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
They're not expecting to live much longer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
What I don't understand is, and I know I'm trying to make sense of something very, very stupid, Yes. So if you are light and you die, does that mean that the number's down to 143,999 people that are saved?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So if I'm light and you're dark and I die, does that mean that you have a chance to take my light? It makes no sense. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
A 4 and a 3 add up to 7 if you add them. If it's just 4.3, that's just a number.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
This is the most extreme Mormon that you could meet. Also, the horniest name of all time, Barry Cox. Oh, yeah. I didn't even get it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I wonder what he did when he went to Hooters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
man man i just fucking love this whole goddamn story so fucking much incredible it's a crazy story but the four point thing it just makes me so like insane with anger yeah you don't like dnd you don't like it when it results in child's death but it's just it's just it's as judgy as you can possibly get and it's stupid it's really stupid it doesn't make any sense it's just like it pulls it out of his ass and everyone's like yeah that sounds great
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
live and go back to our youtube page to check out everything after the fact vod and don't forget to come out and see us on tour that's right man we're gonna be in nashville soon that is march 14th we're doing the freaking rhyming dude can't wait i'm so excited for this the rhyme is the most beautiful venue in the entire country it's incredible i can't wait to be there in that weird confederate church
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And then we'll be in Huntsville. Right after that, on the 16th, that's Sunday, we're going to be in Huntsville, and Henry and I, we're coming for you, NASA. We're coming for you, NASA.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I call them pains in the asses. Maybe they were just upset because they're all the cuckoo clocks driving them crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
He wants nothing to do with your fucking kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yes, and hail Gein Hackman. Well, we don't know yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And they don't come home with you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, my father also told me I was big and I should beat up people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I was small and disappointing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I'm trying to find the OG videos. Remember his YouTube channel? Here it is. I'm sending this to you right now, Rob. This is the fifth seal video. Because remember, his YouTube channel is Christ Has Returned.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
There's a lot of people, I'm kind of fascinated by the Torah codes. It's interesting. I was talking about it with, because Jake Young was staying at my house. We were talking a little.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, so we were talking about the tunnels underneath the synagogue in New York. Yeah. And you were kind of talking about that whole concept of, it was very, very interesting because he was talking about the concept of like the schism that was happening in that specific group. Sure. And how one of it
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
was kind of this offshoot of an extreme group that believed a former rabbi like he was such a good dude and they liked him so much eventually they began to think that he was a messiah and then there was because he told all of them he was the only one who knew the secret name of god and he could work this was from back in the day and so the secret name of god gave him all these powers because that's in the torah so they have this idea there's like this super super super secret name jehovah
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
That's not it. No, that ain't it. Jay-Z doesn't even know the name. It's not Yahweh either. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, it is literally a, it's a very secret name. And so, but that's why, I also find Torah codes to be fascinating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
You ever see pie? Yes. Remember how they talk about how they're trying to find the secret name for God in pie? Yeah. Using mathematics.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
What must pierce the bed of the mac and cheese to let out all of the steam inside before it burns your precious tongue?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Dick Ruff, yeah. Oh, Dick Ruff. Sounds like a guy who died standing next to John Holmes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh, yes. Now, just first of all, Primer, Raymond Lear is his real name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, he was taking a break. I think he was taking it easy. Down in Baja. He was down in Baja. Yeah. He might have been contemplating giving it all up. Maybe, for three years. But he just kind of, I feel like it coasted. It's weird because the Baja contingent is still around. Oh, yeah, very much so.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Hey, that's the power.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
This is wild. This is a whole sidestep. Maybe he might have been looking around to see where they were going to go next. Because obviously, they're not welcome anywhere they go. No. Like, wherever the crew would be. Like, they're not super welcome because they're very... difficult.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And it's Jerusalem! Yeah, it's Jerusalem. If you're going to look for religious iconography, it's their tourism district.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
See, it's so hard with cult leaders. Because he's been in character for a long time. And we always kind of... I remember one of the first times we really had that significant debate was during the Jonestown episodes. Yeah. We were talking about how far outside is a cult leader? How far afoot do you have to keep out to know what plot line you're keeping the crew on?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Lord Royale is a cult leader. I'm going to say of a boutique cult. Oh, yeah. That started in the United States of America, moved to Mexico. But where we get involved is somewhere around 2012. We found Lord Royale. I was listening to Coast to Coast AM. And I heard somebody call in during the open line section where they were like, you will all face the wrath of Lord Rael.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And I do think they are in it together now. Now upon re-looking at it, I think that... Because he's obviously found a way to make a living being Lord Rael. And so he must have some base. And he's obviously... I'm just going to put it out there. Not the detail guy. No. So I think he needs IT. Yeah. He needs support. It is a lot for him. I don't know if he's doing it all on his own.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Well, you got the enforcer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
It was both, by the way. They had a gun to the back of their heads.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
No, there you go. He loves it. It was actually their wedding song. It was a long ceremony.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I'm looking at these now. You can't even really get the book. No, I imagine that they're all gone. Yeah, I think that he just, oh no, because you know why? It's by Angelus Domini.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
That's another one of his terms.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Here we go. This is the official blurb of the return of Christ. This book provides an all-encompassing truth with undeniable evidence. Christ has returned. And it's walking the earth today. From reports of Christ descending over the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, the UFO over Jerusalem. Uh-huh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
to a plethora of prophecies being fulfilled within the Abrahamic faiths, including Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and many other ancient beliefs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
With the intriguing Torah codes verified by mathematical statistics, the Bible's secrets are now being revealed, as computers decode the ancient scriptures, revealing the identity of the Messiah. Multiple corrections are provided to errors that have crept up into modern Bibles, including simple translation errors, alterations of scriptures, and outright deceptions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And I looked it all up and I found that there was this man, this very fat, dumpy bad man that believed that he had control over the weather and that he came from a UFO over Israel. And we started talking about him. And then this is back when Facebook was something that... normal people use. It was fine. It was fun. It was almost fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
So he doesn't believe in the Bible. No, he said, well, his version of it. And this was written by Cardinal Richard Ruff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh, of course. And I love this. The foreword of... I'm looking at this now. This would lead to... The guy who wrote the foreword is a guy named John Griffin II, who's the director and founder of Weenie Research. And he looks like a penis. Weenie Research? It might be Weenie Research. It might be. But he said that he was like... The co-author of this book, Richard Ruff...
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
who also chose to delve into controversial subjects that most would avoid. He risked his social and professional reputation by publicly posting his research for the public and other experts to review as any true, transparent, and honest researchers often do. Wow. I think that's just because it's in the book. I think, oh yeah, it's coming hard for a lot of Jewish concepts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh, dude, this is fucking hilarious. The whole preface by Captain Richard Ruff of this whole thing is very, very funny is that he was taken. He said that he himself, when he was working on Bible codes in his own way, he plugged in the name Raymond Lear into his own Bible code computer program. And the first thing that came up is the words. He is the Messiah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And we had a group, like, you know, our Facebook group, we were, like, involved in all the time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Well, it says that he loves this day. I know that it's like a celebratory day. It's a celebration, yeah. It's a celebratory day. People wear costumes a lot. But it's a major holiday, right? Yeah, I mean, they all are. Yeah. Well, somewhere you can go. It's a happy one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, it's like a fun one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Dude, you guys got to read the return of Christ. I'm looking at this right now. I can't believe we didn't have all Raymond Elwood Lear. This is he wrote. He writes in the third person. Raymond Elwood Lear was conceived during the blood moon tetrad that occurred in alignment with the Hebrew feast calendar. He was conceived in the blood moon eclipse that fell on the Hebrew holiday of Sukkot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
and then thus was being brought into this world just after the reunification of Jerusalem. His father, his biological father, was William Collins, a Rosicrucian of the famous Collins dynasty, which is directly descended from King David. There is much speculation on the internet about the Jewish Collins bloodline being the topical Luminati family,
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
We maintain that what actually makes it special is its direct Davidic lineage. And it says here he was born to the humans, Ruth Alice Smith, but he said mostly he was born in the streets of Chicago where he found himself fighting far more than just well-armed street gangs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
This is what it says. He's a libertarian. He was working for the Guardian Angels and the public saw him as the only incorruptible man in Chicago. Wow. What years was that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah. So don't get in his way. He's coming for it. You know what? Give it to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Dude, I actually forgot about this, that he was like somewhat involved with the murder or something with his stepfather. Because they said that he came for his stepfather, killed his mother. And he said, because that's why he left America. He said he jailed both him and his elderly mother on false charges, all to keep him out of office.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And he said his false persecution and imprisonment were prophesied in Matthew, blah, blah, blah. But that's why, according to him, Raymond was then, quote unquote, secretly removed from the U.S. And during January of 2011, he was kept in, quote, the international zone between the U.S. and Mexico. That doesn't exist. There is no neutral area.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
It does not exist. You are one or the other, depending on the butt cheek. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
So Lord Rael's because it started with them trying to sneak into our Facebook groups and then the mods like would catch them and then they would create because Lord Rael on his Facebook group they would do these really long ecumenical style names that were really funny, like Archduke, blah, blah, blah, which you're going to hear a couple today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
This is another scam. All these guys, all these Christians are starting to find the Bitcoin now. Yeah. It's like a new scam. And he's doing it. He actually kind of got way early on it. I'll say this for Lord Rael. He understood the power of the Internet early. He did. And then he could build a sustainable niche like boutique cult that can make him have a living. That's all you need on the Internet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Well, people talk about us because they say they always find the corpses of pioneers. The footsteps of others on their back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, yeah. Do I buy this paperback of the return of Christ? Paperback? Yeah, buddy. You can get it in print. Do I buy this? Do I have this in my home? No. Do I give this out for gifts at Christmas? That... Oh, my God. Do I give you money? Yeah, it's definitely a great white elephant. All of the purchasers are his followers. Of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
They're all, like, reviews, and they put their little, like, because they all have little badges that they put on it. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
One fish taco for me, one, two fish tacos for me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And so our people would make fake ones and get all the dirt out of them and then just send us all of the stuff from the inside of his cult.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh, yeah, you don't want that. This Torah code shit's stupid. What is it, just not ones and zeros? It's just all saying, it's all him proving all of his various, it's what he's doing, it's like some information, but most of this is straight up just his proof that the things that he say are going to happen, happen. Is it written left to right? No, he can't do that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
But this came out fucking right before COVID hit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yes, that's right. I thought they had a judo champion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yes, Adam Waymo was this guy. This was back in the day. It was 2014.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yes. This is according to Adam Wayma. I have joined with the unstoppable force who remains victorious. Christ, Jesus, Yeshua, Lord, Royale, God, Jehovah, I am.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Well, so far. So far, yeah. And mostly, well, it is harmful to a lot of their credit scores, and I think it's also extremely harmful to any sort of regular employment. Yeah. Now, is it a sexy, sexy cult? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, because he left the scouting combine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh, yeah. Because he said he could leave the scouting combine, and then when he left, his defiance would be met. Lord Rael said that they will then definitely put you on the Seahawks. And then what's hard is that if you're not at the combine, though, you can't be seen by the Seahawks. I mean, what's wrong with Rael? This was money. Yeah. He said he left there. It's because he still...
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
it's just weird. He's bad at it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
He is not good at it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Ooh. I believe it's 50. I'm excited. Yeah, it's 50. Yeah, 50. So, okay, he's actually not that old. I mean, I think he might be lying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
You see that fucking guy? Well, he looks like shit. I don't think he's taking care of himself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And then he was really ramping up again. He was kind of right on that one. Well, he was ramping up. This is what's hard is that if you just keep saying it, eventually something bad is going to happen. Did he claim that COVID was him?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Whoa. She's so hard to book.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Popra. Popra. Yes. She's got to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Did you actually, did you see that on pay-per-view or no? I didn't check it out. I was too busy getting my dick sucked by this old man in a cavern.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
The Torah code is, indeed, she is the bride, Kelly P. So they actually, so he says that the fucking Torah code like knows people's specific names. It knows the tour code, knows everything. So you can go and it'll be like, Henry, get the pasta of the day. Like if I want to find out what I'm going to eat. Yeah. That day, I just go to the Torah, and I just flip through a bunch of numbers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
But then it's funny because if it was 368 days, it would not have worked. But because it was like the year mark, you know he's just like, yes! That's it!
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, it's been a year. It has been a year. Yeah, it was a fucking buzzer beater, man. Do you think he knew it from his iPhone photo memories? Oh, my God, it has been.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah. Lord Rael looks like he trains for a marathon using Baha'u'llah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Well, it's because then he's just like now. Oh. We reap the benefits. And it's like, it still hasn't paid out. Kiss the holy pangolin. Have you ever eaten bat? Yeah, so come closer, this bat's coughing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's really not into it. But he would go and, like, he got baptized. He got re-baptized.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, it's the bad fat. It's what I have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I think he's just like, this is just not, I can't do this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Especially once he's wet. It's great. And it takes three guys to get him back up again. You know, like when they have to move a dolphin? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
No, no, bring him back. He's a guy. Also, what's funny, this is a little note, okay? If you're going to do a big cult ceremony, and you're going to film it, and you want to appear mysterious and inscrutable, this is a little tip I'm going to give you. steam your linen. I don't take you. I'm for, unfortunately, I'm sorry. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And I understand this phenomenon because every single time we get an email, but us mispronouncing something. And then we get like an email where you've like, you've stopped everything. You've stopped the whole episode that we've done like 25, 30 hours of work on just because there we mispronounce the thing. And then you don't like listen to the rest of it. Right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Like I understand that now because I'm watching the cult video and all of the sheets are obviously fresh from packaging. Yeah. And it's like, you've got to steam out these creases. I see the Kmart. I mean, I don't see there is no I'm not getting Mormon tabernacle vibes from this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
We are going in this new series based entirely on this magical rectangle in your hand. Only on the app, bitches. Is that good? Yeah. Does that help?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, everything's kind of up. Ever since COVID, it seems like the post-COVID... really kind of crushed them. I feel like they saw an opportunity to make it big during 2020. And then it just didn't take. Do you think there's a chance he's dead?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
No, not yet. He's still alive. I mean, how would we know? It's not like it's going to be in the news. I guess not. Actually, I don't know. I actually feel like we know with you. I feel like Somebody would call you. Somebody in this- And I looked it up because he has fucked people over. Uh-huh. Yeah. So there's no way there's not somebody who's waiting- Does he still have a warrant probably? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah. He's involved with- It sounds like he's kind of semi-involved with the murder. Where do you think he is now? Mexico again?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah. Yeah, we got it in there. We're going to have a bunch of other ones. Yeah. Now we're going to be doing a fuck ton this whole year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
No, he honestly, this is, hopefully, we'll see what happens here. He tried to abduct several women. He had a phony CIA badge. He poses a U.S. Senator to a woman. He tried to hire somebody else to help him kidnap another woman. Um, and then he also, uh, he was arrested for attacking his ex-wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Which is what he said, that the cops drugged her and put these implanted memories into her head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Dummies. Unfortunately. That's unfair. It's the people that are, um... Really, really broken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
But do you remember he was delivered here by the UFO over Israel? Have you ever seen that? Yeah. Have you looked at UFO over Jerusalem? No, I haven't. Go take a look at it. I will. A lot of people have obviously debunked it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
See you next time. Bye, Hesedian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
See you soon, Lord Rael. Thank you for enjoying the last update on the left. You can find other shows that you'll enjoy from the last podcast network on last podcast on the left dot com. See you there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I am the Messiah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And the reason why he decided to destroy the city of Joplin, Missouri, was because people were calling him fat on YouTube. This is the main issue with Lord Rael, which is why it was so fun to engage with Lord Rael, because he is a petty god. And he loves his body. And he doesn't want you to roast him at all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
So there's no way he's going to get remotely upset about the fact that he looks like if Cherry Garcia was a person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
He's grown into the Messiah look. Now he's all gray. Well, he's all gray. Because he used to dye the beard and the hair. Yeah, but he can't afford it anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
That must have been a strong horse. And I will say, there's nothing wrong with it. No, no. Because I actually think, weirdly, he looks good. Yeah, I love being fat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Use the handcuffs from Spencer's. Yes, Lord Spencer, my main saint, the one that protects me from my own mother.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh my lord, did I. Yes, we really expanded that. Hi, I'm Henry Zebrowski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, he's so sad. Do we play any of it? Yeah. So we can get into what he's talking. Here we go. Yeah, this is it. Yeah, this is what I said. This is his new video, so you can kind of hear what we're fucking dealing with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Whoa, he dropped the British! Yeah, he dropped it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
It looks like your mom's boyfriend that you don't want to have anything to do with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Is he filming this on a Blackberry?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
But for the new show, we were tasked. with our Lords and masters at our advertising companies to say, Hey, like, what if you do something fun and different?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
So you could go find our old episode, Lord Royale. I actually don't even know where the fuck it is. Somewhere in the ether.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
So yeah, we don't even fucking listen to that stuff because it was like many, many lifetimes ago.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh, it's strange. It's really very strange. But now what we've learned is that so now we left him in 2012. Yeah. When he was sort of like we were he was actively engaging. Oh, yeah. Wow. Episode 78. Yeah. There we go. But we had some obviously we kind of covered it lightly. And like even now we're still kind of only picking up the bits and pieces we could find about him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
But, you know, so let's take us from there. We know when really when we were talking about Lord Rael, it was when he had just moved to Baja. He had brought a small group of people from America to Baja, Mexico, where they were living in like a shanty town.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
We're like, what if it's sort of, and what we'll do is this thing, we'll update old episodes, old topics that we have not like, like that have been years since we've now, like we can relook at it and kind of a concise, fun way that I hope that you like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Cabo's incredible, though. I mean, if you're going to go to a place for a cult, Cabo, I mean, it's not too bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
No, there was a period of time. That's fascinating about it. That's a birthday party. It's not a cult. Well, when it wasn't, like, localized, he had probably, I'd say at his biggest, he might have had a hundred people. Probably. Like, there was a big chunk of people that were just on the Facebook group, kind of. I think that there was a LARPing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
where people were kind of having fun, engaging with all of it on the internet, and the drama that would come out of it. I think people like to deal with it. But then once it became physicalized and he brought people to Baja, it shrunk because, obviously, it wasn't great. They went down there. It was poor conditions where they were. They weren't getting a lot of food.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I imagine that you had to go and you have to deal with... You are meeting Lord Rael on Facebook, but then when you go to Baja, Mexico... You meet Raymond.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
And Raymond can't afford the bottled water. No, no, no, no. Raymond is not. He is not ready.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Do you think that it's one of those where they saw the male demon and that's why they thought the Knights Templar were satanic?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, he's from Chicago.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
His name is Raymond Nelwood. He was my boss in the Guardian Angels. I started in 81. The Knights came to him after that UFO did what it did to Jerusalem. He had no clue what's happening to him. They did this to fool us. It's the Knights Templar. I was a member of them when I met Raymond again. He is a host. No shit. He has a colostomy bag. He got it years ago when he was abusing drugs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
He has a big history. He has a big history. So that's so Raymond Elwood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
We're not supposed to really disclose our membership, but that fat fuck has got nothing to do with us. We actually are looking for... Honestly? Zendaya. We're trying to get our hands on some zoomers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It's so subdued. Yes, very haunted British people. Like, again, you know why ghosts feel comfortable there? By the British people that were in this documentary.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Cause now the BBC had sent somebody had already at this time who had said that they, she believed the bad BBC reporter is straight up says that a chair flew across the room without the child getting out of bed. They are all like, they're all watching and you hear them talking. You hear her be frightened and that in the documentary, when the BBC reporter does the thing with being like,
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I don't know if you can hear my aunt shaking the microphone right now. It's great. It's really creepy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
This ain't last podcast on the left to collect would be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Hello, everyone. Everybody loves a man who doesn't talk, but he's also talking, eh? Come on, now. I'm a lawyer, professionally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And what if he was doing ventriloquist voice in the room, making them say the thing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Do you pay to see Jeff Dunham or do you pay to see the puppet? I'm a Terry Fader man, okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Between him and two other very questionable men.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I think the Enfield poltergeist is the... Because of now the footage that's been released. Like... It is extremely compelling about the concept of the psychic nature of the poltergeist mixed with what if something from the outside, like an outside intelligence, hijacks the latent psychic ability of a little girl.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Like, I do actually think that there's something along those lines when you watch this. So when they were experimenting, like, they did all these different experiments on Janet to try to figure out kind of more so, like, how is she involved? And one experiment they did was that they took a bunch of spoons because there were obviously bent spoons in this scenario.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Another very common poltergeist technique.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And why do they get spoons? I don't know, because the whole thing, it's a whole thing. It kind of I honestly think it started with Uri Geller, who is way more of the most the I'm that's my opinion. I'm certain that bending spoons has been around for a long fucking time. But Uri Geller was the guy that like made it a common trope of people faking psychic activity by bending spoons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
He can't go to the airport. So they asked her, they went and they put out a bunch of spoons and they put sensors on her head. And they asked her to bend the spoons. They said, hey, come bend these spoons. With her mind. With her mind. And they said, according to these tests, however they decide that your psychic energy is like fluxing, some kind of like beta wave, alpha wave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And like romantic love.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And they're like, she has very strong indications of when we see this type of like... She is... Her brain is subconsciously trying to psychically bend the spoon. Well, she broke the machine. Yes, and she's trying to bend the spoon. It is happening. There is something happening. She is a sensitive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And we don't know if it's just because of that fucking crazy-ass Menarche and the stuff it brings with it, or if it's just you have this kind of weird latent psychic ability. And something happened in this house because the... It shows, when you were saying at the very top about what it reveals about haunting research and investigations, they are boring. The key for psychic... It's patience. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
The key for psychic research and any form of ghost hunting and stuff is patience, is that you do have to... And it is boring. Psychic activity is extremely subtle. There's a lot... Obviously, we all want the thing. We all want... The full-on librarian ghost from Ghostbusters. We all want that, but that's just not how it really works.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Like, I don't, but I do. Yeah, sure. I'll send you some in an email. Now, this is not the only haunting thing we're going to talk about today. No. We are coming back to a subject. When did we cover the Enfield Poltergeist back in the day?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
There was a documentary called The House in Between that I loved that is a group of guys that were, they were going, they were researching this, they were doing a full-on crazy, what they called, same thing, full embed investigation where they are staying there for days and they have cameras all over the house.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And it's an extremely boring documentary, except it has a piece of the most convincing ghost activity I have ever seen in a documentary. And it is boring. It is a ball sitting on a step and you watch this ball jump off the step and go down the stairs. It is not fascinating. fucking around. It jumps off the step. It makes no sense. And so that's ghost activity.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It is about... It's embedding yourself in a psychic scenario. It's 50% happening outside of this room. It is something... There's something now. There's more and more research showing about how consciousness is remote. It's piped in. So this is about this. I feel like it's in the realm of science that we just don't understand. And that Bill, whatever Bill was, was probably just a...
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
an extension of Janet's mind. Like, I don't know how to kind of put it otherwise, but it's like, it's not fully Janet, but Bill is still sort of made up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I know I was in L.A. I know I was already in L.A. And we've decided to revisit this topic for a new series because a series came out for Apple Plus. I believe it's just called The Enfield Poltergeist. Yeah. Right? It doesn't have any sir titles. It's not like Enfield Poltergeist. When Raglan goes viral. Yeah. Also, thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
There was nothing nefarious about him necessarily.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
That was Africa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Oh, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
That's tanks and planes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And that is literally exactly what the neighbors were reporting that they were hearing coming from inside of the house. They were saying that other neighbors were hearing knocks on the walls onto their fucking side.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
So the neighbors were, they shared a wall. It was like a townhouse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
One fact we were also forgetting was the furniture from the child murderer's house, which I also forgot about, is that they got a bunch of furniture from the child murderer down the street.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And just fill the house with it. It's very David Copperfield. It feels very Charles Dickens. They ain't needin' it. They don't need these dresses no more. They don't owe for these curtains.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And more on the patience that it's required. Ghosts and psychic activity require silence and space. And also because it's intimate, Only someone like Maurice Gross and the way he embedded himself within the family can you really see the patterns.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And also, you know what's beautiful about the documentary is hearing the emotion that Maurice Gross grew towards the Hodgson family and how much affection he had for the kids. And I'm not, you know, like, not licking-
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Big shout out to the Loserville Animation guys that animated a bit, the rag-long bit from the original Enfield Poltergeist series in which I portrayed the mother of the family as a woman with crooked back and broken ankles and a big bucket filled with dirty wash water. And that's mostly what she did. You said it. I'll wash and grind every day. I'll get up and make a bane.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Because mom and daughter were sharing dreams. They were all kind of sharing phenomena. And it is, in some way, I think that there is a concrete group psychology thing that is happening. I'm not saying mass hallucination, but I do believe that everybody syncs up in a way. That you're all in this area, so you kind of all get on the same wavelength.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Frequency, as David Icke would put it more adroitly. We all know how right he is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And then but something like that where you got to get in there and you can't just show up. So it's like but it is also this this case is also specifically interesting because of how many times people arrived and experienced something that weren't a member of the family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
She's the one that said that there was the video saying that Janet, that I think that all this is conflating. I think that she conflated that with whatever happened with the ventriloquism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I will give you this book, but the capital P phenomenon specifically does not want to be measured. It does not want to be quantified. It does not want you to get your empirical evidence. The whole point is to show that you can't catch it in a goddamn net.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I'll make a bane for my daughter. And then like, you know, but then when you watch the documentary, you realize she did sound quite a bit like that. Yeah. She was very close to that. So Loserville animation, our, our, our exhibition of this woman's behavior was actually quite accurate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
That's why it's like, is there something to be said about there or something? This is the issue. is that I think that there's a world in which all of these things are real. I think that there's a way that all of this stuff comes together. But it is just going to be impossible to prove. It is just going to be, and it really comes down to it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I think that this is the opposite, where it's like watching the Enfield documentary, the Enfield Poltergeist documentary made me realize the actual, all of that footage... It gets you closer to the center of what it's really to be like in one of these investigations.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And I still feel like it's the reactions from everybody around the family that still convinces me that something happened in the house. Because they're all haunted. No one wants to talk about it to this day. And, like, there's a lot of it. It's like, yes, they got attention for it. And this is always across the board.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
You hear this from everybody who talks about any any either alien abduction or ghost haunting kind of stuff like this idea that they were going to get some big thing out of this monetarily. It did not help.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I was like, move. Well, it's hard. They're broke as fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, and they're not, yeah, they weren't going anywhere. But it's... But I then will also add the caveat that I do understand. People do things solely for attention. I know that they do things solely for attention. But this is... When you have the whole family united on a thing, I still feel like when you look at the footage of the little girls, they're just not that sophisticated. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I don't mean... It's not an insult. Not an insult. If you look at... The mother, when she starts talking, like, yeah, I mean, yeah, I've seen some body cam footage that would mystify you because like old ladies, they firmly believe that they don't get arrested. Right? Like, old women, no, they will not. They oftentimes are like, you're coming for the fucking brethren.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
But, like, old ladies for some reason think that police officers are just not going to arrest them. Yeah. But guess what, man? Sometimes they even fucking tase them. Yeah. Right? They even fucking. I've seen a couple where it's just like, because also old ladies are surprisingly strong. Mm-hmm. You know, because all the years of- Nothing to lose.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I guess hitting people with spoons and pushing your cart and going like, like, you know, making gnocchi, like making your hands strong or whatever. I don't know. No, it's true. You got to do a lot of stuff by yourself. But yeah, so I'm more physically afraid of the mother in this. Like, I know that she's physically capable of quite a bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I feel that there are, again, there are bigger truths inside of fiction.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
But you know, there's also no account for how deep the well of human desperation goes. So you never know the amount of people could go. I like holding nine ideas in my head at once. I do understand that there's a world where the family could just be faking this and just be a feature of them being maybe not so bright as the fact that they got nothing out of it. She could be schizophrenic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Or just the idea of just being lonely and lost. But when you watch that documentary, And then it's like we talked about with her. If you see clips of her now, Janet now. She's she's fucked up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
This whole thing is like fucked her up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Oh yeah, dude. And have you ever seen the real Warrens? We're going to be working on a series on the Warrens this year. And you're, uh, you can see that, um, uh, the main Warren, it's his ad, Ed Warren. Yeah. He looks like a per Manny's sandwich come to life. Yeah. He looks like a sandwich that has french fries on it, but that's a man. But then he's played by Patrick Wilson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And then Vera Farmiglia playing Lorraine Warren is one of the biggest pop culture crimes. That is a Stalin-level whitewashing of history like I've ever seen. Because she looks like she should be on a fucking pancake batter box. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
That's what they flew all the way to England for a day? Well, that's what they do. That's their entire lives. We'll get to that. We're going to cover that more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
What do you mean? It's not wrong with this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
What do you want to do? Give them a quick run up. Sure. Just to remind everybody what the Enfield Poltergeist is and kind of why. Again, and then we'll get to why. Sure. The reason for the season.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Whatever it is. It's like masquerading as another person. Essentially, things masquerade as things from the other side, using data that they have accumulated. Like, imagine if that is true, that there's another intelligence. They are using frames that exist in real life, and then they're applying themselves to those frames.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
So that's what we always, like, one of those, like, dumb, funny things where you're like... In alien abductions and shit, you're like there's a level where like you believe you've been abducted by aliens so much you do believe that it's real. But then the aliens will tell you a certain amount of things. And then if you're so deep in the world, you can eventually start asking the questions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
But what if these aliens are lying to me? And so you can be like this idea of like, so what if ghosts are real, but also they're not what you think they are? This Bill thing is a framework. It is a personality framework that was somehow something from the back of Janet's mind connected to some form of other, maybe if you want to get super woo-wee-woo interdimensional thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
thing or just residual energy that it takes on a bunch of different sizes then you have the the uh added fuel of the furniture from the child murderer's house that sort of amplifies that sort of nasty edge to the the phenomena and then you got a super fucking productive minarsh and it's gushing and flowing and that's making you super psychic and shit and then you got your rag woman mom and
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
She's just coming in every day being like, you got blimey, yeah? Let me check your fevers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Oh, I thought it was Oliver, Angie Harmon's dog. Really sad. Really sad story we covered this week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I find it interesting. But this documentary series, again, not getting paid. Apple Plus has not reached out. And a lot of times they do actually don't like that we're mentioning it. But what's nice is that we're actually pro this documentary.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And now I'm like 75% sure it happened. Something happened in that house. I think the documentary is a really good example of
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
of an expansion of a paranormal investigation i think that if you want to do an investigation the stuff that like you know i've i've sang the praises of hellier and the new kirks for forever but if you they have a new case it's all about like haunted objects and you watch like what a real paranormal investigation is it's not a long weekend it's not you arriving you
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
As a big McGill reporter and putting up, you're like, you know, hanging out for 48 hours and be like, all right, whatever. And summing it up, you're looking at a phenomenon that is as old as consciousness and it is a part of the human story. So it does sometimes I think it takes the extra mile. Yeah. I think you've got to be in it. And then maybe it does convince you more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
But, you know, then call me convinced.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It's very good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
That's what Eddie said before. Yeah, man. Take me on Drag Race. Now it's time for you to lip sync for your life. But yeah, so jury's out, obviously. Technically, if you want to be a skeptic, there's plenty of weighted evidence for you to say that it's not real, of course. But I think that if you look at the material that is there that is shown in this documentary and you have an open mind...
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
The Hodgkin family, we moved. It's 284 Green Street.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It might convince you otherwise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Last update on the left. You are currently on the Sirius app. I believe that you will also be able to see us visually on the Sirius app. And won't that be incredible for you?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
So you go click that. Or you've been doing it the whole time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I don't fucking know. I don't know about that. But then go check all the other bullshit out. Go to LastPodcastOnTheLeft.com to go see us live on tour. We are going to various North American cities. And also some Australian cities as well. Come and see us. It's on the website. You can check it out all there. Go to stupid ass TikTok for some reason at LP on the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
We went viral, which again, I don't know what it did. Doesn't matter. Every time we go viral, I feel like we just get in trouble. Yeah. So I don't really know what's good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, that's fine. And then go, yeah, patreon.com slash podcast on the left. That's where you can see the other main hub episodes and watch us flap our big chins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Hail Satan. Hail Maurice. Yeah. Bye, Maurice. I miss Maurice. I miss Maurice. I wish he was my dad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Oh, really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
That's cool. Good for him. He had to be well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Thank you for enjoying The Last Update on the Left. You can find other shows that you'll enjoy from The Last Podcast Network on lastpodcastontheleft.com. See you there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Menarche hasn't started yet. It hasn't? No. Menarche is the first period woman. Oh, okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It really, this is one of the, now with the documentary, this new documentary that has been released, like we are seeing something like 200 hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Of recorded activity. Now this came from the, so after the reporters came. And did this story, which I do find really interesting because even the reporters in the documentary talk about how freaked out they were when they arrived. At first, like they thought it was a bullshit assignment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And then when they got there, they were like, oh, this is kind of crazy. Things are flying around here. The way that the word that keeps getting used is tension. They said they walk into this house and it feels tense and it feels crazy. The energy feels crazy. And they keep talking about like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And that got the attention of a paranormal investigator, brand new on the scene by the name of Maurice Gross. Maurice Gross is, I actually now, with the redo of the documentary. I love him. He's a hero. Yeah. Of paranormal research. He was a skeptic. Well, he was interested. He was not a skeptic. I would say he was not a skeptic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
His daughter died. So his daughter, Janet Gross, died in, I believe it was a car accident.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Motorcycle accident.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yes. And so his daughter, when she died, it was like, you know, obviously very tragic for him. But then there was an unopened birthday card that his daughter I'd sent. It wasn't to him. I believe it was to his brother, her brother. And it's, In it, it's like when she died, her body, when they found it, she had two giant black eyes because her face had hit the pavement.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It was like a part of like the head injury that killed her. But on the birthday card that she had sent to her family member that was unopened on the front end, a person in a hospital gown with bandages around their head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Last update on the left. We're going to get ready. We're going to get a bit ready then. We're going to get ready to, we're getting ready to call then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
and two black eyes that had read i was going to send you a bottle of toilet water but the lid fell on my head happy birthday but it was a super strange coincidence and it made maurice gross get he was like maybe there's something more to life well it wasn't just that i mean it was also um the fact that you know when they went and saw her in the hospital she had two black eyes she had the bandages on her head and then she had written like a little postscript she had
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Just a British man with a head injury and IBS update on the last update on the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Just to kind of figure out what else was going on. Just in the universe, he was super curious. And then he was at a meeting. Like, they were talking about, I guess it was like a big discussion. It came up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, the Enfield came up at a meeting. It was probably his first or second meeting at the Psychical Research Meetup group or whatever. And they were like, we got this crazy case. Does someone want to cover it? And he was like, I'll fucking go do it. And then this guy is a baller. We've covered him. He's fucking, you know... Looks great. Big mustache. Big mustache. Looks great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
He's got the fucking wax. Waxes that fucker up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Sherry red sports car, which they always kind of said was like a pop of color because they went in like, it's all brown.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
You've discovered so much of the UK is when you're driving between major cities is just brown. It's brown bricks mixed with weird bogs mixed with like an old lady gump. Mind the sausage, Dan. Mind it. It's drying. Don't put your feet on it. You know what I mean? It's a lot of that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
You know, I hear it's nauseous, Tom. Well, yeah, we go down to Africa. You know, but they so that he embedded himself. So Maurice Gross just started taping everything. And then I guess like, you know, then Guy Playfair is a very interesting character. He was they called him ethereally pale. Like he was like very, very mystical. Like where I will pull out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
hey it is an extremely original name for a brand new show yeah yeah it's not last comic book on the left it's not last stream on the left it isn't it's not last podcast on the left or last book on the left yes or maybe hopefully one day last tv show on the left yeah or last pornography on the left oh finally have we made that hmm have we made that not publicly well you
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I honestly truly believe Maurice Gross brought the sex. Yeah. Guy Playfair brought the mystics. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I suppose it's because Guy Playfair, he wrote a book, I think it was called The Flying Cow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
That was all about how Brazil is the most psychic country.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
He loved Brazil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Hey, man, I think he just... He's just like, what's a good British word for beautiful butt?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And the main thing was that bill. So now they believe that there was a connection. To this man by the name of William Bill Wilkinson, that was a guy who died of a coronary thrombosis at 284 Green Street. And then he was buried on the street.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And there's some people that believe that that might have been the representative of this kind of like this energy, because then Bill started arriving and Bill started talking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
and he wrote the word he wrote the word shit in the wall in shit and then he did a bunch of other weird stuff and the guys of through the body of Janet quote unquote if that is true I find it very interesting because now like so I guess we can yada, yada, yada a little bit is that the, the whole case got debunked in a way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Well, the, by this ventriloquist says, okay, that this is a part of the, the, the debunking of the story was that they believe that the girls faked it and that it was the use of voice throwing and characters and about the diabolical nature of Menarche's right. And now Menarche's cause a lot of chaos in homes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Um, and now, uh, Though, we have this footage. So, one thing I was looking for that I couldn't find is that apparently there was some footage the guy Playfair had that did totally disprove everything. But I can't find everything. I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
You guys, we all, you know, I can't tape me having sex.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
There was this video that said that there was, I think it was a rumor, that there was a video of Janet playing. Bending spoons, doing some stuff because they did one reaction because in the poltergeist activity, one was one and a lot of classic stuff. So in poltergeist activity, you have things like dematerialization, stuff that falls from the ceiling, stuff that comes out of nowhere like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
That is like a weird thing that was like with the Legos.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You just got to know that people are laughing at you, and I do it for them to do that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Of course, because you're like, you don't fucking get the fact that I'm out of this town. Me and my hat are going to the big city and I'm going to learn to tap. Everybody's going to pay tickets to see me run and dance and sing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
They're natural. Mama Gaia has all the ingredients for the gun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Remember those gutter punks we had living with us? Oh, I remember. And we had that one lady who would always, you know, the one who had the dirty tattoo gun and couldn't get hired as a tattoo artist? Well, she was the one that said that she didn't need to pay rent because she could just tattoo us for rent. Yes. Yeah, and we never took her up on that. I still regret that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
That is really what I needed is some of that Pete Davidson extra zhuzh. But Eddie, remember, the problem with her is that she sort of looked like you, but with little angel wings on. I know, but that's the thing. I remember she was wearing those angel wings at Publix, and she got mad when someone said something to her. It's like, you're wearing angel wings in public. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You're going to get comments. Maybe. Maybe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
He's like James Gandolfini.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
It's not fair. Oh, man. To go back to the bullet farm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I just bought it on vinyl. Yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And you're not playing at all. Oh, God. Between this and your boys, the boys you collected for the stream. That's fine. You know, he's just trying. They're not always boys. They're just, you know, they're usually, they're definitely children. Yes. What are you going to DJ with this shit? He's going to listen to it in his home for pleasure. Yes. I also bought Beauty and the Beast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I just do it in my own head. I like look at this stuff. Isn't it neat? I've seen you do this all. You did it in karaoke for Julie's birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Hey, boy. That's one of his tics. It's been getting us in a lot of trouble. Yes, what are you going to do? I still love going to the movie theater.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I like him now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Like... You are this guy. You and him. If you just met him, and like, if you were to speed dating, like, event, and you both just had to list the things that you guys both love, your favorite things, this is your best friend. Do you like talking pigs? Yeah, you better believe. You better fucking believe I do. You better believe I love James Cromwell's arthritic hens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I literally wore out the tape on my under siege. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
See, guys, that's all you got to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Genuine replies only, please. See? It sounds sane. Oh, yeah, definitely. I'd fall for it. You see, I do see him typing in a big cartoony, like, typewriter while he's talking to a bird that's like, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. He's like, no, soon. Very, very soon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Well, trigger finger. Oh, wow. He was traumatized. You know, it could also literally be that's why these guys use these guns, though. Yeah. Because they're very far from the action when you're using the guns. That's true. It's a distancing effect.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
See, I see this as some form of, this is a plot to a film that none of us will ever see. Yeah. This is literally Problem Child 4, where they kidnapped the most able, evil, strong-willed, and cunning child possible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And then somehow there was a worse boy than Martin Bryan. And they found him. And they had to bag him and release him. They literally were like, this is actually too hot for my blood. He ruined the headquarters. He flooded my grandmother's house.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Duke University. To be called mister.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I also see a lot of Scoutmasters killing a bunch of people, and I think partially, you know why? Little scarves. You think the little... The anger brought uponst by little scarves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I think we press on some kind of neck nerve. No. Or something like, you ever see Dennis Rader in his full Scoutmaster uniform?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Sitting there with his high knee socks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Like, you could just tell that he wants to just choke a boy until he comes. He's just sitting on top of that. He's waiting to do it. It's interesting that so many Scout leaders, because all the Cub Scouts, they're armed. You know, they all got tiny little belly popper knives. Yeah, but, you know, I feel like they like the challenge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Well, you mean tents.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
What are tents?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
See, this is just me charting their experiences and mostly just seeing them grow from the littlest version of themselves to the tightest, biggest version of a boy version of themselves. And I like to kind of see how the years change their torsos. It's completely normal. I like to see how their feet grow. I like to see the hair sprout on their prepubescent legs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I wouldn't have to make it myself if they just sold it to me. They won't take it. Can't there be a store for me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Those who should be saying those words. It's not like it's just from Mary down the street. No, the police are telling people he's a pedophile. Yeah, that's an investigation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
See, it's a funny prank.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You see? You see a pedophile killing kids like this at any other place? No, I don't think so. I don't want to fuck kids so much. I want to shoot them from far away. And I certainly don't want to suck them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Again, this is an entire... You really could make... A horror movie about what about Bob. Of the movie What About Bob. That is this entire plot. Yeah. There is a lot here that talks up, that reminds me of Bob Wiley. I've been thinking about him a lot recently. Yeah. My favorite when he goes to the mental institution and everybody loves him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You know, he's telling all the jokes where he goes to the guy, you know, I love all the jokes. Yeah. And he tells all the insane asylum. Mm-hmm. I mean, this also, like, I have to say, like, I didn't realize that this was where this all took place. When we went to Australia last year, I literally was like, Julie and I were trying to decide if we were going to go to Tasmania or Sydney afterwards.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Hilarious start. Your comedy chops are, like, really developing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And I was like, oh, this president, Port Arthur, looks fucking cool. Wow. Like, I literally wanted to go there, not knowing it was the site of this fucking crazy thing. So I can see why people are drawn to it. You have all of Martin Bryan's favorite things. You were drawn to the Port Arthur. You didn't even know that the massacre was there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You had brought your home guns with you to Australia so you could sleep. Yes. You were real close. Real close. I mean, I used to own an assault rifle. But you barely used it. I did barely use it. You're right. I only used it a handful of times at a shooting range. Yeah, you never killed a bunch of people with it. Thank you, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
This is where this incident is very different than a lot of the other mass shooters that you'd cover or things that we've heard about in the past. Like, I'll always kind of remember, you know, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold doing that pump-up video. They made a video where they were pumping each other up before doing it, and it was, like, real dark, and they're all, like, you know, comfy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You know, I got looking into this. I started watching Neartime, right? Neardom? Nitram. Nitram. The movie made by Snowtown, the Snowtown directors, that's all about Martin Bryant, but I guess they couldn't get proper permission to use his life story. See, I thought it was more of they just didn't want to use his name because they didn't want to give him publicity or whatever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And then you have Anders Breivik, who was this militant who viewed this as his solemn way of changing society.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Martin Bryant, it is, I mean it, is doing the whole thing. He's literally just singing a Lion King song. So excited, kissing his gun, being like, hey, don't sleep too hard. You can be waking up soon. All right, time to go, having fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
He was just like, oh my God, I've got to go. You know when you're ready for vacation? Dude, the same thing happened to me when I asked Julie to marry me. I was so concerned that I was going to forget the ring that I forgot my wallet and she had to pay for everything all night. Just like Martin Bryan. Listen, we can make comparisons all we want. I already got the cops watching me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You also have a really long hair. I did. I had beautiful hair. My hair was nicer than his.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You know me, bringing my cigarettes to the ocean. That's my favorite, hanging down and smoking a butt. All right, can I have nine lighters, please?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
My tomato can and me are going on to the surfboard having fun with the fish and the flounder having fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
This is all I need. This is all I need. I bring it out there, pour it on the coral. They love it. Makes it Italian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
There's a little part of me that also thinks that he was doing this because he kind of... He knows criminals make alibis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
He's not present. He's deeply mentally ill. I will say he also knows a lot more than he knows. But he knows the difference between right and wrong. Definitely. But it's like he's such a wackadoo cartoon character at this point that he literally is just like, If I'm going to be a big time criminal, I need to set up my alibi. And then just go and does it like it's a chapter in a video game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Wasn't he also obsessed with pretending to know how to surf? Yes, he was. Wasn't that one of the things? He was a poser.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You know what I'm sad for? This whole series, what really makes me sad, like what I'm kind of sad, I'm feeling sad about. I feel sad for the guns. The guns. Because they never, you know, like they're just sitting around gathering dust. No purpose. Can't you just wish, don't you see that they just want to have a reason to be, Marcus?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Well, that's like all the clothes in Australia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You can only shop at Billabong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Billabong. I believe it's the name of their prime minister.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Everyone else's name is real. Yes. Yeah. But the guy that plays Martin Bryant is awesome. Caleb Landry Jones.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I wonder if there is a psychological term for that idea of sort of that empty movement. Because I do think it's obviously not good. It's not a good plan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Keeping your options open, maybe?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I could kind of see that. Maybe I won't kill everybody today. Maybe this is just a fantasy I'm going to have. Maybe this is all a thing, and then... But as we've seen with many mass killers and serial killers, they set up all the circumstances where then, now I'm doing it despite myself. Yeah. And also, he could just be an idiot. He's a mean idiot. He's a mean, sociopathic idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
That's what we always kind of talk about. Dumb, mean, brings a lot to the yard. If he really would have truly step-by-step planned this, he might not have...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Great actor. Great actor. He's got that, he's got a naturally creepy face. Yeah. And he's really, really good at it. Like, he's very, very good at it. But it kind of brought a lot, like, full circle to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
done it you know he might not have been successful if he was cogent enough to really think about how to do it because he's not at the because i view him as again he's in the chaotic evil category yes like anders bravik lawful evil category almost in that way we're like anders bravik planned to an nth in order to copy this massacre like he took this as a plan
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
that he took from a moron, which is kind of, now you think about it, it's kind of hilarious in a way where it's like he took his perfect terrorist plan from a babbling idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
This is also where you see he could plan, and he did know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Or he was trying to make himself out to be even later on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Also, Tasmania is a peaceful place. Oh, very much so. All of Australia is. Yeah. And so I think, like, a lot of times, like, at first, I'm like, why didn't these people do anything? Why did they just sit there and take it? They don't understand the concept of someone might murder them. It's not Bed-Stuy, you know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Three billboards. He's a great actor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Like, it fucking, like, it doesn't happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
But the Helen relationship with Martin Bryant actually kind of made even more sense because of that movie to me. Yeah. Like way more about like lost souls finding each other. Yeah. And they both serving a purpose of legitimately just almost like filling the time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Because they don't need to be. And they didn't know the sound of distant gunfire. They don't know what it sounds like. The same thing happened with Anders Breivik. It does not make you a brave culture warrior to shoot a bunch of people that don't know it's fucking coming. Like, it's just, yeah, you killed a bunch of people. It's because they were already in the park sitting there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yeah, try it against the military. I mean, don't, but you know. They could give it a shot. They could give it a shot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Oh, because it's just perfunctory. Using their soap and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
He went straight from just, you know, even though he was building it, those moments, right before he shot them, he was just a normal guy. Yeah. And then once you fucking shoot two people dead, it's over for you. You're no longer that old guy anymore. You're not just a Lion King fan anymore. Not anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
God, Elliot Rodgers is such a fucking loser. Imagine, like, being so lame that you own a Ferrari and can't get laid. You know, like, it's so easy to do in Santa Barbara to get a Ferrari and get laid. Elliot Rodgers was such a... We did a whole thing. It's like, ah, yes, the Supreme Gentry. The Supreme Gentry. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You know, they're all fucking losers because nobody's promised nothing in this fucking life. No. Except... Like, Jack Quaid, he's doing very well. There's a lot of stuff that was he's doing very well. He's a fan of the show. He's a friend of the show. You know, it's like, you know, but there are people that are more equal than others. Sure. But you still got to deal with it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I mean, look at Arnie Hammer. It didn't matter how many fucking clits he tried to bite.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
It was hard for a while. Silly army.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I'm just saying he had the whole genetic lottery in there, and he still thought I should be able to chew on clits and try to eat these bitches because I'm handsome and I'm rich and I'm powerful. And in the end, everyone's like, no. Now he's got an apartment. I'm sure he's got more than an apartment. He's fine. He's still like a billionaire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yeah. Filling the loneliness.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And he's cheap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
It's aggravating. One of his worst qualities.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
The concept of wasps was around for like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
three years to the 90s like it's like one of those things I remember a lot more in the 90s hearing the term wasps yeah now we're run by wasps yeah I don't know if it's that but I just it's funny because you just don't America's been run by wasps since its founding yeah there used to be lots of like dirty jokes like there was always like I remember my dirty joke books there was always like a wasp chapter yeah yeah yeah yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I keep forgetting from the Pyromania episode, though. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
So that's a total of 36 people? No, no, no, no. 22 people are injured entirely with 17 bullets. And 12 people dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Either way, it's fucking insane. I'm sorry that I'm concentrating on the wrong part of this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
If you're not up against drones and Navy SEALs, there's just no fucking reason for you to have this style of weapon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And also, gunfire has a decidedly undramatic sound.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
When you hear it. Like, it's really, you expect a movie version, I think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
But it's like. It literally claps.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
No one likes how I eat corn! With my ass! Oh, give it a do! Fuck you! You don't like my berries? Fuck you! You don't like my fucking pigeons? Fuck you! It's my farm! Go fuck yourself! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being aggressive. A tad. A tad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
That is just, there's just something about that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Like as he leaves, like, you know, cause you know, we sing and be prepared this whole time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And it's all wrong. And like, they're all like, they must just be, I mean, obviously there's Ford by it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
He spent something like $150,000. Like it was some wild amount of money. Especially back then. Oh, yeah. And Australia money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
The only person he actually argued with. You know why? It's because that guy won that fight. He did. You know what? Actually, I messed with you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
We're on vacation. I'm sorry, but we're from Cleveland. We've come a long way and we're going to go on vacation. Do you know where we're from? It's spring.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Let him see my gun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You look like a pig. What you calling? That's almost a compliment. Almost. It's getting there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Again, it sounds like a movie idea. It sounds like he had an idea from watching movies about criminals and he says criminals take hostages. That's what they do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
People say I am a lot. I have a lot of people call me an intense person. They say come out with somebody with a lot of energy, but I'm going to let you all know I let you go. Yeah. Yeah. Eventually. Eventually. When I'm done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yeah, it's a bed and breakfast. It could be, who knows how many people are in there. Oh yeah, he could be a full house and he's got everybody at gunpoint.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I mean, he's so used to that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
As a one thing he knows how to handle.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yeah. He's just like, don't worry. I'll have this under control. He's like fully burning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You see, that's when I could see him having the coat with tails and the top hat just going like, that's time for my final performance. And I'm like, This one's called Bang Bang Goes the Troll. Horrible song for the day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yeah, that's my boyfriend. Yeah, it's his style. Yeah, it's one of those things about him. I always kind of figure, but you know, fixer uppers. I can just put some time in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Oh, yeah. And he did stuff like they would say, you know, you killed like this many people like you should, you know, like this many. And he'd be like that many. Wow. Oh, really? And then like they were they're just kind of baffled, like sitting there talking to him. But then his lawyer developed this like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
It's so hard. I can't believe they didn't beat the living fucking shit out of him. That's like crazy, crazy restraint. Because they could have done it. You know what it is? Is that, yes, It's horrific. It's fucking nauseating. But you also are like, he's definitely mentally handicapped.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
So there's like a feeling when you're watching him do this and you're like, you know, obviously something's got to be done with this guy. Yeah. Like this guy is not... going anywhere else but a concrete square, but he is not of sound mind. And so it's kind of all over the place. What do you do with him? He's like an innocent- Fucking old yeller is ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Your brain should really be a well-made souffle of emotions, experiences, thoughts, and desires. But when you smack the oven a couple of times, it makes a souffle turn into a runny pile of eggy custard. Especially when the souffle was already fucked up to begin with. When it's a shit-based souffle, and then all of a sudden, and now it's just shit custard. That's the problem here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I mean, you know, that's just how they do it over there. And we barely do it like that here. It's just crazy because I hate capital punishment, but it's like- The world is better without this man. Yeah, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
No, I hate the state. So the state's wrong. The state is always like wrong sometimes. So you have to be careful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I think that he liked having people to talk to. He's extending this chaotic moment for as long as humanly possible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Because, again, they're all paying attention. This is all he's ever wanted is to have everybody look at him and ask him questions and want to know what he thinks and want to know what he does. He doesn't want it to be over. Yeah, the crimes in this town are probably, like, at worst, shoplifting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I'll be able to turn around there, right? That's pretty good, right? I'll do it. I'll do it again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
They could have, like, easily given him way more attempted murders. You could give him attempted murder for every person who was just in the park that day. Possibly. Yeah, but then it's like, they do things different. Because in America, we do that. We don't do that in America. Sometimes we do, depending on what. It's just everyone who was shot, usually. But it's like, you might as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
If you're shooting a gun in a mall, anyone who's in the mall, as far as I'm concerned, that's attempted murder. Yeah. I agree. I think you're right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
He just knew because they were trying to save the 200 people they were going to need to bring in as witnesses to the trial. And at first, Martin Bryant wanted the trial because he was so excited. He said this to his lawyer. I want them to pick me out. I want them to sit on the stand. I want them to point at me and tell them it's me. I want everyone to do it. Like, he wanted that pain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
He wanted to feel the pain of all of it. Yeah. And watch them all cry and scream.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You can't say that anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Again, fixer uppers. Yeah. Waco.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Because it's not. I guess it's better torture to leave him in. Dude, he gets out easy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Oh, he finally found his purpose. Oh, that's like what happened with the clock and Beauty and the Beast. Oh, that's so nice. He gets to have sex in jail for so we don't. Yeah, he loves it. This is a good spot for an ad break for Coca-Cola. Speaking of, you could get last spot 90. You don't need to suck dick for a can of Coke anymore. You can just buy it at the store. The real thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Hey, guess what? I don't suck dick. I'll take it. I'll take it in me bum. Yum, yum, yum. In me bum. No, do it, please. Coca-Cola.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
At least we got that on him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And, obviously, Fuckface.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You know who's the one of the biggest ones to is his mother. Yeah. His mother is a part of the people that is leading the charge of he never did this. This is a smokescreen event that that the in order for them to take our guns away because the mother did that thing. Of course, yeah. Just go and hide. I guess you're already in Tasmania. She's all fucked up. Obviously, she's all fucked up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
No, she's a fucking bitch. Just like, you know, whatever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Oh, you're talking about all the Australian guns that were rounded up? Yes, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Never mind the fact that half of them have bump stocks where they're not getting any recoil. They're getting all this shit where it's like it's easy. That's when we have the 14-year-old who almost shot the president. He fucking literally like it was easy for him to use it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yeah, I shot his AK-47. We had fun with it. It was fun to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
This is amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
No, it's so much better in video games where I actually get to kill. You know, like in games, I get to kill and kill and kill and kill and no one does anything. And then you have your life. I get it out of my system.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I prefer a sword. Slice. Give me a slice. That's what I like. I'm using a hammer right now. I usually play solitaire. I like being alone. My tour fighter, Lord Narf, he has a war hammer. That's what I use.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
That's what I was thinking about Gallagher earlier with the kids' brains.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I love hammers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Why can't the Democrats? They need to harness the vote.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
What's the point of all of this then?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I remember 10 years ago when I was working on some project where I had to learn about this stuff, I remember the fact 10 years ago, which I imagine is not this anymore, there were 80 guns per 100 people in America, man, woman, and childs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
That's what's happening to me. Yes. I'm subject to terrorism. People want to talk to me. You know what's the worst? Truly, the Midwest businessman. Oh, God. The Midwest businessman is the single worst domestic terrorist that you can meet with. This is the crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
The fact that if it was still 88. No. That's still a lot. It's still a lot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Not just Australia. New Zealand. Britain. We've talked about it today. It's very... It was simple back then. Now, it's fucking impossible. It's very, very difficult to pull it back. It is deeply embedded in the American character. We are a group of people that view our individuality as the most important...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
tenet of our society we part of that they believe is that should be what you just think it's funny because I think it's the same people that are angry about the people the people who exist as like trans people or they're just as angry about those people existing and this idea that the government would come and tell them what to do with their guns is this ultimate sin even though they're very very excited for the same people are very excited for the government to tell large chunks of our society what to do
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Anyway, they love this thought process fascism that we're in right now, like total thought control. But as soon as it's something they don't like, they're willing to murder anybody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
If you buy a gun like that, you're obviously a scaredy pants. You're very scared that you can't fight. And you like you can't like protect yourself on a basic level.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And the same group of people voted for the same evangelical branch of the government that is currently opening up the doors. They are part of the evangelical rundown of the world involves China and Russia invading American soil. So that is a part of what and they have been opening back doors to get them to come here because that's going to bring their precious Jesus Christ back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And that's the whole thing is that they all of this is death and destruction. And then also guess what, guys? Your guns are not going to do anything when you're fucking sniped by a 19 year old from Quantico shooting you from the fucking at the lower bands of the atmosphere. You're fucked. It doesn't matter if they want to do it. We're fucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
But that's what they want because it gives them purpose because most of them are living around addicted to various opioids with no way of getting out of wherever they're at. Yeah. Also, as someone who doesn't want these guns in society, myself, I'm talking about, no one's coming to take your fucking guns. They're not coming, guys. It's not happening. It didn't happen with Obama.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
It's not even an option.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yeah, it's not an option. We're not going to sit there and tell cops that they got to go door to door and take guns because that would be a fucking disaster.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I think that, again, the most important lesson here is that every gun is precious. And we have to remember... It's the circle of life. And it moves us all. I was talking to Marcus about this the other day. The only rational, loose plan to get rid of guns in America that I can come up with over years... It's not a bad plan. ...is no new assault rifles starting whenever. No new assault rifles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
But then they become goo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Oh, yeah, business or pleasure? For me, I mix it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And then when you die... You can't will your gun to someone else. So when you die, that gun has to be turned in and taken down. And then that, which will never happen, would take over 100 years. But no one again has asked the gun what it wants. And I think that's also the biggest problem here is, again, we're forgetting one marginalized group.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yes. What else would they be for? Because I'm an animist. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
It's struggling with transitioning. Ah. Yeah. I wonder, what if guns went to war with corporations?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Just let you know, if you ever got a problem in Peoria, just let me know. Me and Stubby Pete will take care of it for you. There's a lot of things I'll take care of in Peoria. Remember that straight-up murderer we met on the flight to Adelaide? Yeah. Yeah. The man whose only luggage was a half-dressed doll for his daughter that he held in his hand. No, it was a flash action figure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Salt Lake City, July 12th. Charlotte, North Carolina, August 8th. Durham, North Carolina, August 9th. St. Paul, Minnesota, September 20th. Milwaukee, Wisconsin, October 11th. Oakland, California, October 25th. Cleveland, Ohio, November 29th. And Portland, Oregon, December 12th and 13th.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
That's all I want. And check the Foreign Report. They have their own YouTube channel. Now go over and check out the Foreign Report. A reasonable take on unreasonable politics.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Check out all of our stuff. Go to lastpodcastontheleft.com. Get all that. Go to the LP on the left for all the socials. Henry, for your birthday, did you see what happened? Somebody mentioned our podcast to Jillian Anderson. I saw. Really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Like, is it on camera?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
On camera? Oh, yeah. I shared it. I had to share it. Someone mentioned last podcast on the left to Jillian Anderson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Congratulations. Slowly but surely, I'm getting in there. and getting to her. All the thing I have to do now is approach her first. Second thing is to arrive as an illiterate Nazi youth so that she can sexually educate me to read.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
The Reader. That was Kate Winslet. Thank God you stopped me. Bill Gates, everyone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Nothing like my favorite action figure of my favorite canceled actor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I can't wait for my estranged father to bring me from America yeah no this man in Adelaide he definitely like that's what I'm talking about with like cryptic shit he kept like referring to his connections in Adelaide and Adelaide as we all know is like the murder it's like the crime capital of Australia shady shit happens in Adelaide normally I think it just means that I know a place where a woman will blow you and normally and you might not be super happy with the result of it but it's done yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
And how about the other guns that ratted out the other guns? The self-hating guns that called the authorities on their fellow guns. Are you kidding, Alzheimer's? No. Yeah. You might be because you're 41 today. I am dying. Yeah, you are technically dying. Is today the first? Happy birthday. Yeah. I haven't told you yet. Happy birthday. And this is my favorite way to celebrate it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You can't get the diamond status. Because if he gets the diamond status, it's going to get upgraded at any time. It's going to unleash this same series of hell on any other unsuspecting young ladies that are in. But I'm also saying big old men as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
He just talks to whoever he can get at. Yeah. But Martin Bryant, it's hard because I do understand there's a lot of fun stuff to talk about on the plane. Oh, look, I can make wind come from the top of the sky. Whee! Yeah, well, whee, whee. Bing bong, bing bong, bing bong, bing bong, bing bong. Oh, look, it's what I'm watching a movie. It's got dick in it. It's got help with dick in it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I can jerk off to it if I want to. Oh, what are you doing there? Oh, Dr. Pepper, more like Mr. Pepper. Oh, hey, doctors. Hey, there, how are you doing? Oh, you're a big lady. You're very big from the bottom down, aren't you? Do you think I can pee in my mouth? Yes. Actually, son, yes, I do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I'm just trying to reach out to Ahoy Ploy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
happened to travel agents?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Are they all dead?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Did we put them in prison?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Is it really? Because I always kind of thought it was the opposite. I've only ever seen travel agents in little cities where no one would ever even think of leaving. There's always like a travel agent and there's like an Oscoda. There was a travel agent
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Well, it's, you know, the most culturally diverse town in the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
It's kind of like when I sit on the plane and I slowly go through pictures of Carmi and Wendy and it's just him just going, um, is that gone? Hey, I missed that one. I missed this clip. It's one of my favorite clips. It's like my favorite fruit. You know, guess what? Guess what my favorite fruit is? Gun fruit? No. Passion fruit? No. Grapes? No. Apples? No. Pears? No. Tangerine? Keep guessing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, take a look at this gun. Don't these grenades look like tits?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
You're right. God, you're my best friend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
With stuff like assault rifles, do you think it's for fun? Like literally just because it's fun to have? Or do you think they use them for like, you know how they made the big thing about how we needed assault rifles for the feral hogs?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Talking about Martin Bryant's shooting spree.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Yeah, because most of the time you're not mowing down a bunch of civilians in Afghanistan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
People are just scared of their fellow man. It's true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
I thought this would endear you to me. This is fun as hell. This is the magic. This is the magic of being with Nitrum. Chicks love boats. And chicks love dark, unmoving, unpowered boats best.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Everyone should have a purpose. There's no reason to blame the guns. They are made from the earth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 619: Martin Bryant Part II - The Port Arthur Massacre
Of course. Yes. That's why I dress like that, by the way. Oh, yeah. I dress like an idiot to disarm people. Yeah. It's so much better that way. I like being a character from a movie, but in real life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But it was found that martyr cults were more successful at converting European pagans who had no frame of reference for a more ethereal Middle Eastern religion like Christianity.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
like churches on their own like we'll let them do and because what it's doing is it's flipping people without them having to do anything yeah and they know it they could just sit back and take the new people well it changed throughout the centuries like especially when the missionaries came to america and tried starting to convert like the indigenous people because the indigenous people would say like oh you got a god cool we'll just fold them into the rest of them yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah, we'll just put them in. But then, you know, the Catholics got particularly pissed off and was like, no, no, no, you can't fold them in to the rest of your guys. And you're like, bro, you just got here, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
You got, I'm barely wearing anything. And of course, it varied from tribe to tribe. But, you know, that was overall what happened again and again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Oh, it's got to be extremely fun to make up all your own shit. Yeah. And then see if it sticks. But martyr cults, they focused on the relics of the saints, amulets, talismans, clothes and bones, which could actually be seen and prayed to. So while European pagans couldn't really wrap their heads around the ephemeral concept of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Most people can't. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
They could understand that if they worshipped a thing they could see, like a necklace or a skull, then they could expect something in return. In other words, they could understand magic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Now, as far as how these magical powers are defined, Christian dogma said that saints were compensated for their merits and sufferings with a reward of a mystical power called virtus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Virtus is only awarded after the saint's death, and it's contained within the bodily remains of the saints. Think of it like radio. It's like radioactivity, but good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Now because a saint's corpse was imbued with vertus, that meant that it was not supposed to fall prey to the same inconveniences of decomposition as any old cadaver left in the street. Instead, it was said that the corpse of a saint would still feel as soft as they had when they were alive. Soft as a saint. That's how I like my toilet paper.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
That made it appear as if the saint was just sleeping. It was even said that even after burial, a saint's body would not decompose. And it was often claimed that if a saint's corpse was exhumed years after it was buried, it would still appear as if it was freshly dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, according to legend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But the unintended consequence of this is that if anyone found a corpse that appeared as if it had not decomposed to the expected level, then the person whom that corpse belonged to had a chance of being worshipped as a saint, even if they hadn't been the greatest person when they were alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, by the rules, God must know something about this guy that everyone who knew him when he was alive didn't. So, stories would be created and histories would be rewritten just because Jimmy the shithead had died or had been buried in a place where his body was more likely to avoid decomposition.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
It was also said that Virtus could manifest itself in how the corpse smelled.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. A saint was supposed to have a particularly strong, distinctive, and pleasant scent. They're supposed to smell. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. It was supposed to be present both in life and in death. A smell that was called the odor of sanctity. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
the way to the show. I certainly smelled it in the 33rd Street station last night.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
It's quite a stale sanctity. Now this smell was usually faked with a shitload of garlic if the saint was already dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But if they were alive and considered to be a person already on their way to sainthood, there is a possible scientific explanation for the so-called odor of sanctity. See, as we said earlier, many of them... Natural deodorant. Natural, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
See, as we said earlier, many of the medieval saints were not martyrs. Often, they would create their own suffering through vows of poverty or by intentionally torturing themselves by putting stones in their shoes or wearing extremely uncomfortable hair shirts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. They're all jerkoffs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, because you're going through the pain of Jesus Christ and you're just living a miserable life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah, a lot of them are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Most commonly, though, saints would fast, meaning they would starve themselves. Starvation calls ketosis in humans, which can produce the distinct odor of acetone. Now, acetone does not have a conventionally pleasant scent, but it is a smell that was probably conjured in your memory the second I mentioned it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
In other words, it's very distinctive, and it's likely that acetone, or nail polish remover as it's used today, is the odor of sanctity.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Probably.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
The goddess, the witch? Yes, the witch goddess.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
what's that and it makes me kind of feel weird and they're like must be salt magic and then they just stuck like that forever great now every part of a saint's corpse was supposed to be imbued with vertus and that included their bodily secretions blood and even soil stained with all the horrible things that leak from our bodies after we die was collected and mixed with oils that were believed to be full of supernatural powers
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Many times.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Peasants would scrape up soil that a saint's corpse had touched and mix it into their water. And the water used to wash the saint's corpse was collected and sold for a tidy sum. But if you wanted a discount magic potion, you could buy water that had been poured through a saint's tomb. And that was discount because it only had trace amounts of Virtus. Did it...
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Me and Jimmy Fallon. So in our last installment on the saints, we covered the role that they played in the development of early Christianity during and immediately after the largest instances of Christian persecutions perpetrated by the Romans. We went up until like 400 A.D. or so.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Probably. Yeah, right? It definitely made people sick. Dysentery?
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Most likely, yeah.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Yeah, you would go through a night of night sweats. Thank God. Yeah. Now, because there was so much magic and therefore so much obvious profit from having even a piece of a saint's corpse in your town, Christians would often voraciously dismember the corpse of a holy person as soon as they died. in as fucking cool as hell.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Well, organs were removed and stored in urns, while the rest of the corpse was placed in a temporary reliquary until a proper tomb, basically a tourist attraction, could be built. And they're nice. They're really nice.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
A reliquary is the thing that the saints... That's what I got wrong last... Yeah. Yeah. The reliquary is the thing that the saints remains are contained within. And the tomb or the church is what contains the reliquary.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Yeah. And we're going to get into that later, like all the different thefts.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Once the tomb was ready, monks would boil the saints' bodies until only bones were left.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
after which they would be enshrined in a reliquary, a container for holy relics, while the head was separated and displayed as a protective talisman for the town. But if the original saint of the town's tomb wasn't drawn in the crowds it once did, and a newer, more popular saint came along, then the old saint would be moved to a shittier tomb in a smaller town to make way for the new flavor.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
In a way, these were like reboots for the tomb. Same familiar location and concept, new storylines.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
I think the lesson here is that in the Middle Ages, people were very comfortable with dismembered heads.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Well, the bones and relics of the saints would also be locally traded between communities based on who was most in need of saintly virtus. This, of course, led to a large number of arguments and feuds, as well as physical skirmishes and all-out espionage.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
For example, in the year 866, a group of monks from one abbey were jealous of the popularity and profitability that another abbey was enjoying because they held the bones of saint faith. Saint Faith was an OG saint who was cooked to death over a red-hot brugiere by the Romans when she was 12 years old for refusing to make pagan sacrifices.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
These are more $7 words. I save the $10 words for the pros.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Also known as Saint Feu. Saint Feu. Now, Saint Faith was a very popular saint, so the monks at the Covetous Abbey sent a guy undercover to Saint Faith's original abbey on a long con so they could be the ones in charge of the bones of a tween girl.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, after spending a decade ingratiating himself with the Abbey.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Yeah. The undercover monk spirited away the bones of Saint Faith late one night, setting off a protracted rivalry between the two abbeys that involved legal battles and the occasional fist fight.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, in the end, the monks who stole the bones kept them at their reliquary, where they're still occasionally on display today. Incidents like the thievery of St. Faith's bones happen so often, there's actually a phrase for it, furtum sacrum, or holy robbery.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Now, towns and abbeys weren't just attached to their relics because of what they stood to gain from tourism. Remember, these people truly believed in this stuff. And in the end, the most important resource of a saint relic was the vertus. Because it was the vertus... that produced miracles.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Yeah. Because Virtus is what produces miracles. Virtus is the juice that produces the miracle. And this is why people still to this day take pilgrimages to pray at the tombs of saints, because they believe that the Virtus can directly and concretely answer their prayers, which are usually associated with curing a disease or healing an injury.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
It's said that a pilgrim has to spend anywhere between nine days and three weeks before a saint will deem them worthy of attention. But when it does happen, it is said that bones and nerves can be heard cracking and popping back into place.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
while those who are diseased sweat out their malady over a long night. And this is why people will flock to a fucking stain that looks like the Virgin Mary because they think, oh, it's got vertus. If I hang in front of it.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. And like put FaceTime in? Yeah, man. At least nine days. It's not like where you have to fucking go over to the guy's house and watch like two episodes of Weeds before you're allowed to leave.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Today, however, we're going to explore how the saints of the Middle Ages played a huge role in the establishment of Christianity as the religion of choice for much of the Western world. Good for them! Yeah, in addition to how they helped the establishment of power structures that lasted for centuries in Europe and how much of it involved corpses and murder. Yay!
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, eventually it did get to that, and that was why we have Protestantism.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But around the 13th century, people were reporting that they were receiving miracles from saints without being near a tomb or a relic. These people said they had been healed simply by praying to drawn or painted depictions of saints. This opened up a whole new line of merch for Christianity, prayer cards, which are still sold to this day.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Now, right around the turn of the 12th century, the church declared that no saint could be canonized without papal authorization because it became clear to the church that they needed to guide the future of their religion so it wouldn't become muddled and or infused with ideas they considered dangerous.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But even though this decree came from the Pope himself, people still worshipped their local saints for centuries, some of whom still aren't canonized to this day. The best example of this kind of so-called folk saint is a woman named Vilgefortis, whose legend arose in Portugal in the 14th century. According to the story, Vilgefortis was a teenager who'd been betrothed to a Moorish king.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
She wanted nothing to do with the marriage, so she took a vow of virginity and prayed to God to make her ugly somehow.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
God did so by giving Vilgefortis a big bushy beard. Whoa! And the Moorish king withdrew the engagement soon after. According to official court documents, he said, Ew. Ew. The village of Fortis's father, however, was so incensed that his daughter had done such a thing that he had her publicly crucified.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
A lot of corpses.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
behind the church's refusal to canonize vilgefortis and why her veneration was eventually actively suppressed was because vilgefortis was a rebellious woman who disobeyed her father and rebelled against the idea that a woman is a thing to be traded and god by giving her a beard was on her side it's true it's god chose god said all right i'll make you ugly yeah yeah god said yeah you're right you you shouldn't have to marry this guy you shouldn't be treated like property
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, in addition, Vilgefortis was and sometimes still is called upon by women who want to escape abusive husbands. And we all know that the Catholic Church is of the firm opinion that you should stay with your spouse until you die, no matter how miserable or abused you might be. It's almost the point.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. You get to become closer to sainthood because you have all these examples of all these people who suffered for Christ and suffering brought the saint closer to Christ. So can you be brought closer to Christ by staying in a horrible marriage?
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Always.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Now, another change the church made when they were rewriting the rules of sainthood was to even further loosen up who could be considered a saint. Reacting to outside pressures, the church offered up a new kind of saint who could be canonized simply for being an extremely virtuous human being.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. They just needed more time. And it was also— How do we expand again? No, it was also because the people were asking for it. The people were like, hey, there's this guy. He's fucking amazing.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
You don't know because it was an editing joke. But now they do. Well, the man who inspired this change, whose horrible name is right up there with Reprobus, was an extremely popular Italian tailor named Homo Bonus.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
I mean, how is it? I can't imagine how it's pronounced in Italian. Like, homo bonus. I think it might be homo bonus. Homo bonus.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Homo bonus. Well, homo bonus was an honest. It's horrible anyway you say it. Yeah. He was an honest merchant who gave most of his money to the poor. And because he was so popular, he became Saint Homo Bonus after his death. It's so weird when you call it. When you smell it. There's no dash in there. You know what I mean?
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Homobinus. Homobinus. Saint Homobinus, after his death, became patron saint of tailors, shoemakers, and businessmen.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Now, not stopping there, the church also formalized the process of making a recently dead person a saint, which included interrogating witnesses about miracles and interviewing people who knew them to make sure they were as virtuous as the petitioner said, which included an investigation.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, if it was said that a Satan waiting had miraculously healed a person, a church official would be sent out to see if the healed person had remained clear of the malady from which they'd been cured, because it was only a miracle if a person was permanently healed. In other words, you had to pass the sniff test, and you had to pass it thoroughly.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Now, before we get into the nitty gritty, it might be helpful to talk a bit about how saints are chosen and ratified, as it were. This is a process called canonization. These days, there are two lanes by which one can become a saint, martyr or non-martyr.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
And one saint who was thoroughly sniffed was Claire of Montefalco. While she was alive, St. Claire was supposedly capable of what we would call astral projection, in which she would fall into a deep religious trance and leave her body to join in loving union with the soul of God.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, according to witnesses, her face... I'm sorry, everybody.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
According to witnesses, her face would brightly glow during these trances, and people would poke her body to get her to stir and would even try moving her. But St. Claire's physical form was solid as a rock when her soul was visiting God. Once Claire died, though, the clergy cut open her corpse as they usually did with people who were already on their way to sainthood.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But this time, to check a claim Claire had made in which she felt as if her physical heart contained a physical cross, they opened up the organ. Whoa. Supposedly located in the chambers of her heart, they found a tiny crucifix. A tiny crown of thorns. Cute. And a tiny whip.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
A scourge. You know, you do the self-flagellation. A scourge.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
By the power of Christ, I compel you to come. Well, figuring if one organ was holy, maybe others would be as well, they opened up her gallbladder and found three gallstones, which they took to represent the Holy Trinity.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
If you died a martyr, meaning you were voluntarily killed because you didn't waver in your faith in Christianity, then only one miracle needs to be attached to you, either during life or after death.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
And so, Clare of Montefalco became St. Clare. Now, besides just the control issue, another problem the Catholic Church had with the populism model of sainthood was that there were a lot of people who were locally worshipped as saints who didn't really have a reputation outside of their own village.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
In addition, many of these populist saints were usually just well-loved local Christians who'd been killed or murdered in horrible ways, but hadn't necessarily been martyred.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. For example, there was Radagund of Veldenburg. Yep. He was a farm servant eaten by wolves, but also a good guy. So St. Radagund. That's it? That's all he was? Yeah. Just a good guy? Just a good guy. There was Panassia of Corona, who was murdered by her mother-in-law. What'd she do? Bad death.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
The worst was a German pilgrim named Nantveen who was unjustly accused of being a pedophile by a village he was just passing through and was subsequently burned alive.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
I'm sorry. We thought that Jimmy the pedophile was out of town that week. We didn't know it was just a nickname.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, in one case from the 13th century, a town in France actually canonized a dog. Yeah. Saint Gwynefort the Greyhound.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course. But still, if you think that you're the holiest of holies and then suddenly they let a fucking dog in.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
It was Greyhound. Oh, fuck.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
He got me. He got me. He got me. Well, according to legend, the dog had been left alone with its master's child, and the dog protected the child in his master's absence by violently killing a snake that had slithered its way into their home. Fuck yeah. But when the child's parents returned, they found the dog first, who presented himself with bloody jaws.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Coming immediately to a very reactive conclusion that the dog had eaten their baby, the parents killed the dog immediately.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
I know.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But when the parents heard the child crying, probably because he was distressed by the noise that had been made when the parents killed the dog.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
The parents rushed to the kid's room and found the dead mangled snake nearby. C'est la vie.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
No, but people would say, we'll get more into it later, but basically it's people say, I prayed to this person and now I'm healed, therefore it is a miracle.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
The parents realized their mistake and dropped Gwynefort's body down a well, which was then covered with stones and planted with trees. It actually became an extremely popular shrine where large miracles were said to occur, presumably because St. Gwynefort was such a good boy. What happened to the parents? They took care of the shrine. Oh, wow. They dedicated their lives to the shrine of St.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Guineford. Wow.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But the point is, when dogs and farm workers started making the cut, the church realized that it needed to put the people in their place, both spiritually and socially. So they switched the focus of saints from regular people to nobles, royalty, and clergy to remind everyone who God's chosen really were.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, when they would investigate the canonization of all these nobles, the nobility and the clergy tended to back each other when it came to proclaiming their virtues, because it was in the interest of the ruling class to appear as if they were favored by God over the peasants in every way. And they didn't just take that as their station in life showed them. No. That they were special.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
This also helped reaffirm the concept of primogeniture in royalty. That's what I mean. Where the firstborn inherits the titles and powers of the king because God wants him to do that, no matter how horrible of a ruler a person might be.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But the practice of canonizing nobility and royalty was particularly popular in France and England, although the practice of canonizing kings started off way back in the early days of Christianity as yet another tool for recruitment rather than simple subjugation.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yes, it very much did. Yeah, it was the patron saint of babies in France for centuries.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But that's all to say that Sigismund hardly lived a noble life, nor did he die a martyr's death. You see, it's the Homer-Bart meme. You know what I mean? Yeah. But Sigismund was the first barbarian leader of the Gauls to convert to Catholicism. So it was in the church's best interest to rewrite his history and make him a saint so a cult could form around him. That's big brain thinking.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
And to further tighten their grip, the Catholic Church would elevate long dead leaders of converted regions into sainthood, rewriting their story before aggressively spreading it to prevent a backslide into paganism. You can't revert to a story that's not there anymore.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
By the Middle Ages, however, Christianity had become the dominant religion in Western Europe, so this retroactive manipulation of history was no longer necessary. Instead, they had to worry about canonizing nobility in the here and now to secure their future and their power.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
The Catholic Church began rejecting all canonization requests from the people and instead transformed the process of canonization into an industry of preparing nobility and clergy for sainthood while they were still alive. Basically, it's like padding a college application with extracurricular activities.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Oh, Joe. The miracle part is why all those other Christians who died alongside the saints we talked about last episode didn't get canonized. Ed, I think you brought up that point. Why did Christopher get canonized when all the people who were around him got killed? You can't just die for Christianity. God has to choose you for reasons that are never given.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah, I guess. Then you can have a couple of people like afterwards. They're like, yeah, I prayed to St. Edward and he cured my fucking dropsy.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But before long, contemporary martyrs began to reappear in the Catholic religion after the Middle Ages, when Henry VIII created the Church of England because the Pope had refused to grant him a divorce in 1534.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Half a century later, the relationship between the Church of England and the Catholics had gotten pretty acrimonious, so the Anglicans declared Catholic priests to be guilty of high treason simply for existing on British soil. Yeah!
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
String them up! The Anglicans ain't fucking great either.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
In addition, those who harbor Catholics and especially Catholic priests could be fined, imprisoned, and executed. And that's how a woman named Margaret Clitheroe came to become one of the many martyred saints killed by the British. She's a real clit hero.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
In addition, those who... Clitar hero. Clitar hero.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Margaret probably would have never been discovered hiding priests had she not been so arrogant. Flags were raised when she loudly sent her son Henry to train for the priesthood in France. And when Margaret's husband was summoned for questioning, he folded almost immediately. Seems like Margaret's husband didn't really like her very much.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
You know? Yeah, she seemed very, just, she seemed very, very, very, very, very, very Catholic, and I think her husband really didn't give a shit.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
When Clithrow's house was searched, soldiers very quickly found Catholic priests in a hidden room that was built specifically for this purpose. Priest-shaped tubes. These rooms, seriously called priest holes, were built in houses all over England and still exist in some structures today. Put them head first.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, it's a little hidden room. No, it's not like just a hole, like a literal like hole, like Looney Tunes hole in the ground.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Now, Margaret refused to plead guilty or innocent one way or another after she was arrested so her children wouldn't be compelled to testify against her.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
You know, it's something you file under moves in mysterious ways.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Now, as was the custom at the time for people who refused to plead one way or another in the English judicial system, she was sentenced to death by pressing, crushed to death, all while being pregnant with her fourth child. Whoa, that's how you pop.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
I'm going to ignore that. I'm totally going to ignore it. Because I knew you were going to mention something about it because it popped into my head, too. Yeah, yeah.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Mm-hmm. Now, two British sergeants were supposed to carry out the dreaded task of crushing a pregnant woman with rocks. But not having the heart, they hired four beggars to take their place.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, after stripping Margaret down and tying a handkerchief across her face, the beggars lay Margaret on a sharp rock about the size of a man's fist and placed it in the small of her back. Then they took the door from her own home, which that was part of the custom of pressing to death. It had to be a door from their own home. And they laid it on top of her.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Martyrs, however, began to run out as Christianity became a more dominant world religion. And when Christianity became a dominant world religion, a person was more likely to be killed for not being a Christian than they were for being a Christian.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Finally, they started stacking rocks on the door little by little. 10 pound by 10 pound by 10 pound. Crazy. The torture was designed so the sharp rock would break her back before she died. And all told, the slow crushing of Margaret Clithrow took an excruciating 15 minutes.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
No, it's really not. It's not even on topic. No, it's quite a non sequitur, Edward. Sorry. St. Margaret, however, wasn't canonized until 1970, when she and dozens of other martyrs from this time period were canonized in a ceremony honoring a group that sounds like a bad British invasion ban. Cuthbert, Maine, and the 39 Companion Martyrs.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But before we go, let's cover one more saint. One who is said to have had an actual magical power. It's my favorite one. Although it seems like his powers were completely out of his control and totally accidental. He's more like an X-Man than Spider-Man. This saint was named Joseph of Cupertino. According to Franciscan accounts from the 17th century, Joseph was quote-unquote remarkably unclever.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
but was able to achieve regular bouts of levitation, and he would have ecstatic visions.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But instead of being venerated for his regular bouts of levitation, in which he would fly, Joseph was deemed disruptive and was confined to a small cell where he was forbidden from joining any public gathering.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah, so to allow for the creation of more saints and therefore more bonus content for the Catholic Church, the church had to widen the net. They figured that if a person was simply a model Catholic and a virtuous person, a good example as it were, they could be canonized if two miracles could be attributed to them in life or after death.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, partly this is because levitation was widely connected not to a godly blessing, but devilish witchcraft. As such, Joseph was very lucky to not end up on the rack, especially after he was put up for an official inquisition.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But instead of being tortured to death, Joseph was passed from one friary to another until he finally landed with an understanding group of Capuchin friars in the Italian town of Fasombrone. He lived a simple life until his death and was canonized a little over a hundred years later.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
But concerning his so-called miracles, it's been suggested that Joseph of Cupertino may have actually just been a very talented, if misunderstood, gymnast. No!
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
what does that even mean they never seen anyone do a backflip before this guy was dumb enough to try according to written accounts some of his alleged levitations originated from a crouching position instead of being prone standing hey guys look Hey, guys, look what I can do. Look. Hey, guys, look. It's possible that witnesses mistook a very impressive leap. That's made by a very. Oh, wow.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Great job. No, no, no, no. A very impressive leap made by a very agile man as levitation. And the story just grew from there. Hey, man.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. It's kind of amazing that they didn't just fucking kill him. Yeah, I think it was because he was not that bright. Remarkably unclever. Remarkably unclever. And he was nice. Yeah, he was nice. He was very nice. And they're like, this guy can't. He's just floating there. And he also didn't really seem to enjoy it that much.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
As far as how the after death stuff works, we'll get into that later. But this expansion of sainthood begs the question as to who decides who gets to be a saint. See, back when it was all Reprobreses and Elmos and Blandinas... Blandina!
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Nevertheless, because of Joseph of Cupertino's aerial abilities and his so-called remarkable uncleverness, he has probably the widest span of patrons, being both the patron saint of intellectual disabilities and astronauts.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
That's it for the Saints for this second installment. Maybe we'll do more in the future. We have more stories. I mean, there's 10,000 Saints. There's so many Saints.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
We ran out of time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
It's going to be really fun. So many great characters in this. It's going to be a three-parter. I'm bucking jazzed for this.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. And if you're looking for another really nice Christmas gift for your loved ones, get in your orders now for Spring Hill Jack coffee.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
We have a new line coming up, but the Spring Hill Jack, I'm a high strangeness man myself. I love it.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah, I'm a high strangeness man. So yeah, go buy some Spring Hill Jack coffee for your loved ones.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, back then, saints were chosen mostly by local chapters, isolated groups of Christian cultists. And this freedom to choose enabled Christianity to take root in hundreds of places across Europe.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
No, actually I think it would be Dr. Saint Scholl.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah, Joe and Joe McHale mispronounced my name and made fun of me.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
He called him Mark. He called me Mark Parks and said, that's a stupid name.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
You have to be a saint after because it's Christianity. It has to be Christian. Yeah. And Noah didn't die for, Noah wasn't a martyr. You couldn't technically.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
I don't know, but that was mostly done by God.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Don't worry, magic plays a big role in all of this. But by the second half of the Middle Ages, the Catholic Church decided that canonization needed to be centralized within the upper echelons of the Church, both in who was chosen to be a saint and the process by which it was done. This had two effects.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
First, the church could make sure that the people didn't inject any ideas or philosophies into the Catholic doctrine that ran contrary to the church's agenda.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
You're only saying this because we're currently in New York and we're walking a lot right now, aren't you?
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Same. Second, it gave the church the ability to carefully tailor new saints to make sure they were continually relevant. Like we talked about last week, you know, the latest saint, the first millennial saint, Carlo Acutis, they call him God's Influencer. So they're trying to find some way to stay relevant in the 21st century.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Well, as our head researcher Joel put it, the tailoring of Saints to keep up with the times is sort of how Marvel and DC reboot superhero storylines every few years to attract new audiences. But they still make sure to keep just enough of the original concepts in place so as to not freak out the older fans. Think of it like the first Into the Spider-Verse movie. You remember that movie, right?
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
I loved it. Fantastic movie. I mean, you can have a black Spider-Man as the main character, but... You still have to have white Spider-Man there right alongside him. Right next to him.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
And if you throw an obscure fan favorite like Spider-Ham into the mix, along with a couple of little Easter eggs so people can feel special, oh, I know that, that's a reference to Spider-Man number 52, then you got a hit.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Very good. It was green emeralds. I think that might have just been the color of the cover.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
It's The Amazing, it's The Spectacular, and then there's just regular Spider-Man.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Oh, yeah.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Catholicism's use of the saints, especially in the Middle Ages, it worked much the same way. It introduced new characters while keeping just enough of the original magic so people don't react badly when something they hold so dearly changes just a little bit.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yep. Now, for this episode, our source is far more academic than the first one and far more occult. This time we have Saints of the Later Middle Ages by André Vauchez, which is recommended only to the most dedicated hagiographers due to how extremely dense it is.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
It's very academic.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Nevertheless, our team was still able to glean a fascinating narrative from these pages, along with a ton of other sources all over the internet, which often contradict each other wildly, as could be expected. So remember that.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah, it's a different set of opinions. It's a different set of interpretations, a different set of fucking everything. The stories can wildly change from web page to web page, book to book, you know, how they became saints, what they were like in life. Like, there's no consensus on hardly anything.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the gripping Henry Zebrowski.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Now, as we said earlier, aside from the Virgin Mary, John the Baptist, and the apostles, only martyrs were up for sainthood in the early days of Christianity. And before you ask about John the Baptist... He's an interesting character, John the Baptist.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yes, but it's going to continue to talk. He was killed because King Herod's second wife just didn't like him because he was being very sanctimonious about Herod divorcing his first wife to marry her. And so she tricked her husband into beheading John the Baptist birthday party, and because he was so horny and pleased with his stepdaughter, he told her that he'd give her anything she wished.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
And so she went to her mother and said, Mother, what should I wish for? And her mother said, Wish for the head of John the Baptist on a platter. And so he asked for the head of John the Baptist on a platter after her mother told her to. And that's a bit of a simplification, but really, it's not that much of a simplification. What the fuck?
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Very nice. And I'm here with Ed Larson, who I assume has not been gripping since we arrived in New York City.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
He was King Herod. Yeah, King Herod. Alice Cooper was King Herod?
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
What are you talking about?
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Now, the martyrdom aspect of sainthood set forth a sort of perpetual motion, because the more Christians the Romans killed, the more it strengthened the faith of other Christians who inspired other people to become Christians who were also then killed. And this cycle continued until Christianity became the dominant religion. It's kind of an interesting feature.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
No, you get to skip the line. You don't have to wait for the day of judgment like everyone else.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for me, the whole Day of Judgment thing, it's definitely up to interpretation because some people do believe that we will never get into heaven until the Day of Judgment. That's why people are pushing for the Day of Judgment.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah, people are just hanging out. People are just, you know, like... Then what did Jesus do? He died for our sins and made it possible for... It's kind of like, you know how... Lots of miracles. Yeah, but after. It's like when a restaurant calls us and, like, allows us to have reservations. Yeah, exactly what you're talking about.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
You have an opportunity to spend money with Supreme this afternoon. Yeah. Now, when the persecution of Christians ended in the early 4th century, the worship of martyrs became a massive part of the religion. And the process of exhuming the corpses of saints to transfer them to places where they could be easily and safely worshipped began. That's awesome.
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Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
This practice also increased the power of local bishops, who were responsible for the worship and celebration of their local saint. These bishops gained further renown for compiling and distributing histories of their saints throughout the Christian world. These are the so-called hagiographies. This created a large number of martyr cults, which you'd think would run afoul of the Ten Commandments.
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Episode 614: Pyromania
My wig is well placed. Oh, Colonel definitely convinces the girls that I am ready to give massages.
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Episode 614: Pyromania
It really was, yeah. Everyone would have died in that house.
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Episode 614: Pyromania
Oh, wait a second. Is this live feed for my living room?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 614: Pyromania
Who would do that? Oh, fuck. He's thinking about it. Oh, he can't even do it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because you got this guy, all Pelsart is is a reminder that they really don't care if any of you die.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Couldn't care less. Pelsart's the only one that matters, and Pelsart doesn't even matter. He just needs to bring the stuff. As long as he has the stuff and he gets it safely and sells it, then he's fine. Or if he brings the money back safely, he's fine. But otherwise, all Pelsart is a reminder of like, oh, I'm an expendable piece of shit and he has no skills and he depends on me, but he's my boss.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He's the ultimate company man.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, it sucked on there, man. I even don't like boats now. Yeah. You know, cruise ships aren't really nice now, except for you weren't going to join. Oh, yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
On our true crime cruise. Which is true. The crime wave, November 3rd to 7th. Yep. We are going to be hosting our own mutiny.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, now we're really going to fucking get into it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We cannot wait to be there.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Why is as soon as I see it for some reason, maybe I'm just, I should have jerked off or something. Yeah. The idea of like a sailor's legs and butt getting all swollen and big and then looking at him and the first thing you think of is like he puts the curvy and scurvy.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I just assumed. Just imagining his butt slowly expanding and you're just looking at it and, you know, all of a sudden his pockmarked rotten face is slowly but surely turning to Alexandra Daddario and you just don't know, you know, because you're out in the water or in any port in a storm. That literally is the story of the first time a guy ever had sex with another guy's butt on a boat. Is it?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
God damn it. Cut all of it out. At the very top.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's where that term came from. Which term? Any port in a storm. the guy's name was port so once the scurvy sets up what do we port johnson
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Honestly, this is why. I mean, a lot of people have really been angry with me, but a part of my big reach out that I've been doing in Los Angeles is just throwing oranges at them. Yeah. And people get really upset with me. And I'm like, I'm fighting scurvy.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Think about being one of the anonymous men on this boat who are all like, you know... I don't know my name. Me neither. I don't care. Neither do I. But these guys on this boat, they know that it's packed to beyond capacity for the planned murder, for their planned death.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They know that this ship is overly filled because by the time we get to where we're supposed to be, it will be at just the right amount of people.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Good with scissors. Yeah, very good with scissors. I just can't wait to go to my Amazon dentist surgeon gun store. It is going to be so much fun to have it all happen again because that's what it's going to be.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
See, I know that it's Ariana or Arian.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You've got to put it in the VOC's terminology, Marcus. It's like each one of our incredible, intrepid members of our VOC family get to experience a luxurious beachside accommodation in the beautiful, beautiful skies of Southern Africa.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But then I just think Ariana Grande. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because the whole thing was cheap, right? And they wanted to make sure that they didn't stop for long. And so everybody else had to stay on the boat. All the captains got to stay on the boat.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
She fucking took over and mutinied Wicked. Yeah, that's right. She mutinied and took over that SpongeBob's dick and balls. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She better made her throat slimmer so that she could make his penis feel bigger in her mouth. That's a pretty slim throat.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
White.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I need a sheep.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hey, let's go over there. I heard that one guy's got a feed that smells like oranges.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, and I was joking about this with Marcus about how beastly do you have to be to be kicked out of a party on a boat that's tied up waiting to go to the Indies? Like imagining how rough that party must already be because they all go into the wine stores because they bring wine and booze with them. So they allow them to have extra rations like during this time period.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Only the upper class, though.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They get nothing. So like that party was crazy to begin with.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Nothing will always remind me. We used to do that one show at a place called Sound Fix, and the producers of that show thought it was such a good idea to have a 6 to 7 p.m. open bar before the show, and it was impossible. Yes. It was literally an impossible show to perform. Yeah, we were performers slash bouncers.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Borrowing the boat.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We talked a little about this, and I think it's because he... Leadership revolves around social contracts that quickly dissolve when you move away from the center of powers that hold those like contracts in their hands. Right. So when you go out in the middle of the ocean, if you can't rule with an iron fist, you better be well liked.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And but a lot of times you'll find that fear is a lot more effective than Out in the open water.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
God damn. Is that a good way to start?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
If you're too nice, people try and kill you.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Do I have to make your britches bigger? Do I have to go and get bigger britches for you, sir? All right, because right now it seems that your belly button is extending past your britches so far that I'm going to have to spank your belly.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm using metaphors and I shouldn't. You're in trouble, is what I'm saying. Okay? You listen to me.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You! I need you to focus!
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Meanwhile, during the Santa Ana winds, I'm sleeping like a babe. Yeah. The winds, like, knocked me out. I don't know what happened.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, it seems like counterintuitive. Yeah, but he could be a pirate.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
but that's actually more in pop culture representation oh really that wasn't reality a lot of them were pretty like well it was a career like it's funny like you think about it in terms we always think about it kind of pirates of the caribbean style but it was also like weirdly like a job too i watched pirates of the caribbean dead man's chest to like uh get ready for this episode and it had nothing to do with it no it was across the other side of the world yeah
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We talked about this in the very beginning when we were talking about how they assembled the team for this is that normally they hire from within. Normally it's a guy who works his way up a certain amount. And normally these trips out to the Indies were reserved for people that either were, I guess, the best of the best of the best or the worst of the worst of the worst.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This has to get done, and it needs to be done efficiently. And quickly. Yes, and it needs to be by the book. He is under a lot of fucking pressure. They're going to put him in a horrible place if he doesn't get this right. So I feel like it's also, you're in the middle of the ocean. You just fought with this guy the last time. At this point, you're like, I just don't want to fight with you, bro.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I just need to get your shit together so we can get this done with.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I had bent in front of him. And I told him, you be a man. And you spanked the hell out of me. Take me. You take me. You master me. I say in there, you treat me like a dog. Be my father. And he didn't have the guts.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. Treated like a little boy. Yeah. Being trained to be a man. The opposite way.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You ever been pegged by a peg leg?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
These zoomers think they know everything. Well, we used to fight boats ourselves.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It seemed to be no in between. He went in and said, like, he just got in, remember, because he was educated. Well, a captain vouched for him. Yes, so he got in, but the rest of them were, like, scared to death of their bosses.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I don't drone on. I'm pretty succinct. People have said that about my bits. People say, Henry, what a great self-editor. Which is why today I'm going to start with... No, I'm not going to do the big song. We're not starting with a sea shanty. Gurney's requested it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's such a cinematic moment in history. Because it's real. It's right. This is lifted right from the witness recollect. It's great.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I'm going to be doing the spanking. I'm going to be doing the bridge building, bridge buying.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This is like two guys on Coke talking about opening a restaurant. This whole thing is like, because it's such a far-flung idea. It's just like, I have an idea. We'll take all the money. And then we, we're pirates. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You heard every single, you remember when you used to deal weed? You heard all those guys' fantasies about they're going to get out and they're going to go and they're going to turn into a DJ or going to turn into a mandala designer. They were all DJs. Yes, they were going to take that weed money and they're going to flip it to a sword store. You know?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because they knew what they would do.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
There's a little part of me that wonders if in the back of his head, if he's remembered where he came from in a way. And he's like. Yes. Like my people, the legacy of my people and my religion. The Anabaptists.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Is to go and to form our own home. Make Zion where we stand. Right. Like bring people to us. Create a home for Anabaptists. I think he's got a little Elrond. He's got a little LRH in his head.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, yeah, it's close to that way. But he didn't like boats. LRH doesn't like boats that much. He was forced to live on a boat. He chose the boat lifestyle. The boat lifestyle chose Euronymous. Where it's like, I think that this guy, there's a little part of me that wonders, he's like, out here... I can be the Pope. Sure. And Euronymous is just to remind me is a merchant, right? Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He's an under merchant. Under merchant.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
On the boat. But in real life, he was a pharmacist, but bad one.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hey, hey, sometimes we close our eyes. Because when it's a big fat guy, sometimes I close my eyes and I imagine me father.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Speaking of that. You got to go to the bathroom? I have to go to the bathroom. Use your hole. We'll be back after a word from our sponsors.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Get out of here. No. Get out of here. We're going to get to the rat.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's what we do. Yeah, my ocean rope.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We just have one wet rope. I run between our cheeks, and then we all check each other. You guys do that with, yeah, I check Gurney. Ed checks Rob to make sure we're clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rob is fucking spotless. That's why these are produced.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Anyways, better go deal with the sales. Arr, I hate that guy.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The trip has to be worth more than what's in the boat.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
There's a little thing about being human.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Tell me, do you guys have acai? Does anybody, where's the motherfucker supposed to get a poke bowl?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But I do feel like even the good food that the guys, the officers got to eat couldn't have been that good by the end. It's like, but they had to bring them like, they used to bake them turkeys and do all this like big extravagant meals. Yeah, for the first week. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's what I call my shit as well.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes. So a tenth of their entire corp was sitting underneath their feet as they were floating out into the middle of the Indian Ocean. And they're the most successful corporation of all time. Well, technically.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What? Having all that seawater? It wasn't good for them. No, it's not good for you, and it kills you. Yeah. It's very bad for you.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hey, man, you got to do something on that boat. Yeah. Yeah, and the scurvy made them blind, so that's the only way they could tell the difference between the bugs. Arr, I think I got a good one. It's a ladybug. Ah, tastes... Bad ladybug. Oh, I got... Hold on. Don't clean that. I want that back. Yeah, here. Take my bottle. Ah, yes. It's good. It's my used ladybug. Yes. Oh, yes.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Spur the fucking... That's what he means. For when we're having sex.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Vaguely. The word vaguely is doing a lot of work on that thing. Yeah, because you're just crazy and you haven't seen a sausage for months.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's the only thing I like about Loose Stool, Tim. He knows a lot of songs that make me cry. Angry means sad. Then I get happy, thinking I had the ability to be angry in the first place. And that means I'm alive. Thank you, Luke Stool, Tim. Oh, he's dead.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, yes. Very. Oh, God. You think Joe Rogan has the same four guys as me?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Forfeits! Yeah, because you could see loose stool Tim being like... Finally, I knew I'd be able to perform on this boat. He's having too much fun.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I guess you guys can all beat the shit out of each other. I know you like it. I love to see it. Oh, good quail. Oh, I'm so glad I could eat this six-month-old quail.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Truth or dare? Truth. Okay. Do you have a crush on Steven? No.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And I'll tell you what, my sick wife just will not have sex with me on that grave no matter what poison I bring home.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Meanwhile, I was just thinking of ship cockers. You don't have to think of a guy fucking a bunch of guys on a boat. Calkers.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I fill the hole with me. It's not helping. You're just fucking old Davy's locker. I'm almost done. I can't do it while you talk.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, that's nice. That works. Yeah, I know. Someone's got to do it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Is it because of the menstruations? Yeah. No, no, no, because the men just become monsters.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Can't they just put them on? They should put little penis locks on them. Yeah. Yeah. Or give an all-lady fleet.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Honestly, sisters are selling it for that same hand. I can see that. Okay. All-lady VOC trip. All right.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, it's better than just a baby's grave because it just sounds like you just put an infant in a hole. That's true.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Do you want me to say it?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh my God. Oh God, he was just telling me you're ruining your body with all of this. So I'm just going to go out there and I guess get Railed. In Indies.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You're prettier than the last whore I had sex with.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm a bad, I'm bad at this.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, yeah, dude, because, well, she also definitely needed protection because something was going on. Like, when she started watching her nursemaid fall and, like...
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's whatever she was.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
She was a servant, yeah. They called her the nurse. That was like one of those Shakespearean titles that they have or whatever. But there's just something to like... There's boatmances.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
super not confident person and that's how you know if your parents think I don't know it would be so nice if first thing you get somebody for their child's christening and just in case I bought a little plot right over here as you can see it's right by the restrooms so you can go and throw up out of grief first and then go look at the grave and his casket look how small it is look spider-man theme just like what he loves
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Boatmances happen. Yeah, sea wife. Yeah, people have sea wives. But the thing about this one is that it kind of gets out of control. They say he, for some reason, this lady... She was doing something, something. Well, they said she was unusually beautiful for the time. Whoa, no, I'm talking about the nurse.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm sorry. The servant, she essentially, you remember I said during their Fred and Rosemary West series that sometimes you're only as hot as what you're willing to do? Mm-hmm. That's this lady. This lady knows, oh, I've got, oh, if I want to get a special cut, I've got to gargle the balls. You know what I mean?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They really tried to stop any thought. Of mutinies.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Bit of a crick in the back! Like, I could see it feeling really good for half a second. Maybe.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
out working, I'm walking. And if I'm not rolling on the waves, I'm sitting. I hate the water. It's my enemy. But it's also my love. But I'm afraid of it. But it's also giving me everything I've ever got. I'm too poor to learn how to swim.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And you know, they're like, now I hope you have learned your lesson. Oh, no. No.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
All right, here's your leather strap, and don't forget your snorkel.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This will help you.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Now, just remember, this hurts us more than it hurts you.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Kill Owen, please!
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes, I care about nothing and I like it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, and the Batavia, it's easy for it to become a loan because it's fast as hell, right? Yeah. Yeah. And what they say is because it's so common for them to drift in and out, like for a while, they probably don't even think about it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I say when I was listening to the Dan Carlin Hardcore History episode about the Monster Revolution, there was a thing that he said that I thought was fascinating, that this is kind of how it works, where you got to remember before mass information, things and people getting new ideas was so like. It was kind of an amazing new thing at the time for an idea to spread virally, right?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because of the printing press, all this stuff coming out, like it's spread ideas. So the way like Dan Carlin puts it is that you can watch by sermon by sermon how Anabaptism got spread by like two people at a time. So Euronymous is using the same exact ability.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
slowly but surely using preaching at people one at a time to slowly like and so he'll be talking to six people one of them will get it no he's not talking to six people at a time at all no they're keeping it they're going by one by one there's no talking about in public at all not the mutiny aspect the ideas aspect Because then you see who picks up on the, there's no such thing as sin. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And then I got deep into the fucking up to the balls with Dan Carlin's Prophets of Doom, like all of the story about the Anabaptist rise and Munster and all this shit. And I found out that like essentially the same crew of Anabaptists, which we brought up last episode, were like kind of what Euronymous called. grew up in.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
There's no such thing as that. He starts saying these things, seeing who says like, yeah, I'm with you. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And then it's next level. It's cult leadership. Yeah. It's months that they really get to like dissect each other's psyche. Yeah. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Honestly, I'm surprised we know what we know. Yeah. It's because of how much witness testimony came from the survivors and Pelsarch Journal.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
With the recent rollbacks in our health departments, bitch disease is on the rise. And there's really not much we have to fight it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He's my girlfriend! All right. We are going steady. I am in way like with her. I sent her a note saying, would she go steady with me? And she checked yes.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Here's herpy one, herpy two, herpy three. Here's Ted. Here's Ted.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I don't think he was wrong.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They were going in there, and Pelsart's like, you fucking piece of fucking shit. He's sitting there dying, being like, I'm gonna die. I'm going to take over this little fucking ship. And they all like, just all they had to do was wait. Yeah. But why not do the suffocate thing that we were talking about earlier? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And it was a very specific sect of guys that were essentially the Protestant version of ISIS that decided to just start attacking a bunch of... After the Lutheran break of all the Protestant Reformation of the church... Basically, Martin Luther put a little tenet in there that says you're allowed to go interpret the Bible as you want. And it caused all this fucking chaos.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. They weren't ready. They were put season because there still was a bunch of soldiers in the way. There were still, if open war happened, If open war on the water happened, that would also be really bad for them because the soldiers would outnumber them.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And right now, yes, they have some of the sailors on, but they did not get to get to the soldiers because you didn't really know who they were going to be loyal to.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Underbarber, yeah, sounds like the guy from Pubic Hair Barbershop.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, he's the one with the big, like, thick glasses where you can see his eyes and his hair sticking up and going, oh, boy, I sure hope I don't have to do surgery today.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm drawing a line in the water.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Can't you just borrow a soldier for that shit?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, it's very interesting they decided to play some weird esoteric political game instead of just killing him. Yeah. Because I also love this scene that they set by how like it really was this like long night and they were kind of like pretty certain that he was going to be dead. And then all of a sudden they looked up and they saw him standing at the railing.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Like and he was like.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And so the Anabaptist one sect went so far that they were like, oh, we're now destroying churches and reliquaries and doing all this shit. Aren't you happy, Martin Luther? Martin Luther says, no, please stop emailing me because. But then this Anabaptist crew took over Munster and did this whole fucking culling of all these people. And so it's from those guys comes Euronymous.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
All right, so what should we do here? There's the thing. I think what we do is we take her down. We'll cut off her head.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What I say we do, we can lift her up. We can chop up her arms. We can cut off her feet. We can play with her titties a lot. We can do all sorts of crazy stuff with it. And that's what'll get them. Yeah! Can I put doo-doo on her? My God.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
As soon as she said who it was, he was like, oh, fuck. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He's like, oh no, this has gotten real out of hand already, hasn't it? That's like the one dude he's supposed to trust.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It seems that the wind's picking up.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I know maps. Because remember, the whole thing with the very special, highly proprietary Dutch way of getting to Jakarta and the Indies was that they are to go towards Australia. Make a left, because if not, you ain't gonna make it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Left if you're going north.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Left. Middle of the ocean. Yeah. You're at Jakarta.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Helpman's grand fuck-up No I've created an incredible route. That's what I've done. They're like no It's just him standing on a barren reef. Yeah drawing pictures of it. Well. I mean he'd remember this place
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
My deep, long info dumps on the historical slash horror movie thing. It's a feature, not a bug. People like it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And we talk about all sorts of things, about our favorite colors. We talk about what we'd name our dogs when we get them. I love you, Daddy. All right, well, let's just. Oh, please, I've got something cute out for you. Honestly, I do prefer it when you're silent. Do you like my titties? Yes, I do. Do you like my titties? They're like two seagulls with no feathers. Oh, my God.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
All right, now don't you get me horny in front of the boys.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's the thing. He also was partying on the boat when he was sick. When Pelsart was sick, they were all acting like he was going to die anyway. So they're all like partying and hanging out. They just blew right past him. We know Jacobs loves getting hammered.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, you're full of shit, buddy, all right? Fuck you, man. I'm trying to watch Great British Bacon Show with my girlfriend. Within moments, though, Captain Jacobs discovered just how wrong he was when the Batavia slammed into the reef at full speed.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Rob, can you give me a taste? I like show me the way to go home. Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Yo, I remember. Is that a shanty? I had me a drink about an hour ago and it went straight to my head.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, you're like, we can maybe do this. Because remember, they already had landed on a bank once and got off of it. So they're like, this can happen. Maybe we can figure out. But the main issue is they have no idea where the fuck they are.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It has to be so surreal to be stuck like that when there's thousands of miles of water around you in all places. When you're looking and then all of a sudden it all slides away. Because there's like just kind of these little islands kind of around them, sort of. Well, they can't really, at this point, they can't see any of them.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because you can save the main mast. You can actually take it. That's what they do. You can literally chop it off. And then if you fall it off, Craig, these are things you learn that are crazy. They can save it and reattach it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And that to me is one of the biggest.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's all he can think about is that the bottom of this whole ship has his whole life in it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This is where he had a heart.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, definitely the first layer, which I was in his journals are really interesting because he really he started writing the journals right after the shipwreck, because what he had to do was create a chain of events and a timeline for his bosses back home for every single thing that happened, because that's the only way he was going to get out of it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And the way he was talking about it is interesting because even in the that's kind of why I got to like him almost as I'm reading his journals. And it's the way he's talking about the fact that, like, he rushed to get the people off Pelser. Yes, in a rush to get all the people off. And he knew, he did know that the supplies were going to be fucked. But he chose human life.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This guy's an old salty dog. Dude, you remember when we came on here? Captain Jacobs? Yeah, Captain Jacobs is a salty ass dog and he's getting too old for this shit. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But then it's like, well, what's really the point if you're going to starve to death anyway?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The bursting of the hull made the evacuation of the ship a little more urgent. But the Batavia's crew did not subscribe to the women and children first principle.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Easy for too long.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Just sticking out of the ocean. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
She actually has a fairly large bosom. Does she? I never looked at it. Because I hate her so much. I always check them out. Even on men. You might be thinking of Lauren Boebert. Lauren Boebert, though, she has my heart. She's the real firecracker. She just needs somebody to treat her right.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Approachable politician. She put the juice in Beetlejuice. She wasn't wrong. Now, for reference as I wish I could be knuckle deep in the House of Representatives.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I know, you're trying to absorb culture.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You're doing a wonderful job, Marcus. Thank you. We're doing our best. I went through Hardcore History in that podcast, and there's four different Bernards. Two different yawns. And you're just, there's nothing you could do. They just were lazy with the names. I don't know why the Dutch people were lazy with the names.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But also, he had a little plan in the back of his head.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But isn't the captain supposed to be the last one on the ship?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I believe if it's going down, but his job is to get that stuff. Yeah, and I guess it wasn't necessarily going down yet. It was like perched like Noah's Ark.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Dude, it's crazy, right? Humans are weird. We covered the USS Indianapolis. It's that thing of like... Because what good would it do? Like, you're going to sit in an island filled with jewels and all this shit. Like, it doesn't matter.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's a fun nihilistic afternoon. Money fights!
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You're talking about uterus? It's like an oval-ish. You're talking about uterus?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They were complaining about how old the splinters in their feet from the wooden shoes.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'll never forget it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. Because it's actually way more coverage than the island. We got all this shit in here and there's beds and stuff and whatever.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, Euronymous hid on the boat, essentially. It's like he hid back because he was like, because at first, I do feel like it was like he was in a cocoon of evil, where he's sitting there being like, I don't know, because he's very weak. You know, this isn't some rugged...
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I promise.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Someone's got to go. Might as well be me. You stay put right here, and I'm going to be right back. I'm going to get some smokes.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because he was certain he was in charge of the mutiny.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Like that's what Pelsart thought it was Jacobs. Yeah. Not Euronymous. Yeah. It was both of them. But he did not. Pelsart assumed that it was Captain Jacobs who was doing it. So he was like, you're coming with me. Super friendly. Like, but then in the journal, he's watching his every move and writing all this stuff, basically building evidence against Jacobs while they're traveling around.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Just keep the graveyard warm for me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But there is like a, apparently there is like a, there's a, what's it called? There's a precedent for this. They've had this happen. This has happened before. Yeah. Not here, but there have been shipwrecks, and the VOC and survivors have gotten to where they're supposed to go, and the VOC has come and gotten it. Because the thing is, they got all their stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
So the VOCs will come and get their property.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. Yeah, god damn it. It's just always him with the fucking cool hanging out of his mouth. He's got one of those, like, heavy weight belts. All in all time, it's been like, god damn, what now? God fucking damn it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's nice, actually. I could just see Pelsart with the little boy that he might have met somewhere on the thing, just like getting... He's like, all right, all right, little Steve and I. You just stay right here and you just have fun. Yeah. Can you do that for me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Marcus, when do I get my own dictatorial syphilis nightmare? I want one!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, the secret's in me!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, okay. I will do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, that's what I'm picturing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I mean, as you read the journal, it does kind of talk about that. I'm pretty certain it is just a giant rowboat, and they just... It gets real boring real fast. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And frightening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Actually, they did save a lot of it. And actually, the Batavia is currently in a museum. I forget where it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I saw it, though. But there's a YouTube video. You walk through the whole ship. It's cool. I'm looking at the map the whole time, Marcus. Thank you for the map, Rob.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes, it is on the western side of Australia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
So it's not the Great Barrier Reef, because that's on the other side.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I hurt my back, too, yesterday at the gym, so I'm actually kind of, I'm feeling Jakobs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And Perthlings are enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It was too easy. You know what it was?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You know what it is? You were too proud of your use of the word semen. Because I knew what you were doing. And I knew you were trying to goad me. I wasn't trying to do anything. It's the word that is used for men at sea. I do believe that semen in this case is more appropriate than sailors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, they're bunching up. Yeah, and if they would have studied harder, they would have been Beeman. Yeah, it's the cream of the blood. It's the cream of the goddamn blood. Check out our patreon.com slash last podcast on the left, and you will see the cream of our blood, which is our podcast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We're about to release a bunch of other shows. We cannot wait. Go to LastPodcastOnTheLeft.com to buy those tickets for us. We are good at it. Come see. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Wow! From chortling at our imagined responses? No?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
God, all these guys suck. Hail the Reef. You know what? The Reef. Hail Joel and Shaw for fucking working overtime on this motherfucker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, so this is unbelievable. So hail them. Hail them. And make sure, turn left. Don't miss that left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
While you're working?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Which is like, you're 195 in sailor years. Yeah, to survive that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm a fucking one of these cape of good asses or something. We need some kind of something else. I'm sick of this fucking shit. I'm sick of waves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
If only I was younger, I'd do something different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
If I just got one shot, I'd dance. Such a sad catchphrase.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I'm talking to teacups and I had a relationship with an elevator. Yeah, Tom Waits. Jason.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hello! And I realized before, he's not Paul Rudd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes. So legitimately, again, this whole trip for Pelsart is to get him back to zero. It's not even to get him like to make him money. This is just so that he can start showing his face around town again. Yeah. And was there silver on the other ships in the fleet or just the Batavia? So the way it seems is that the Batavia held all of the treasure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The reason why part of the safety, the safety measuring things that they did was by going in large groups because what we said is it helps you immediately. You are not immediately alone in the water. You are surrounded by all these essentially messenger ships and various things that help the main boat do other things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And certain other, like you have the Pelsarts on the main ship, but there are captains on the other smaller ships that all kind of run various aspects, but mostly secure the Batavia. So it's all there. To keep the Portuguese away.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And regular-ass pirates. Yes, and regular pirates. And then when you arrive at the place, and then those people, let's say you are trying to bridge a new trading gap with a new crew of people, you don't know who they are either.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The first ever taco that also hydrates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I hope you die. I hope it fucking kills you. I hope my content kills you. It will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
All I need is a pair of tap shoes, a wonderful sonnet by Shakespeare, and two human slaves. Those are all I need to be one of the best actors in America. Simple request. Yes, may I please see the blood of a black person today? Otherwise, I will not be able to sing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I just never understand why we bother with corn. Can't the corn just grow naturally in its own state? Oh, look how hairy it gets. Look how fibrous all of the plantage that comes out of it. Ah, mother, I do not need to fret about it with the corn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
It is not something that I—it is just coincidence. It is just luck. And certainly, yes, I benefit from it, but we can't argue with it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I tell them if your performance is the fee for entry to dinner. And I thought, oh, grab your little shillelagh and your little green hat and do your little dance, you Irish slave. But then apparently they needed to be massaged before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Yes, I'm allowed to sometimes speak in a patois. Because I own several Jamaicans. It is going to be a re out there by the beach.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Yes, I am famous by birth. My cum was famous before me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I thank you for this uniform, but unfortunately it is not as form-fitting as I would like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
And I will adorn these to inspire my fellow militiamen to oh so fight all the bad guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
How may I perform properly if I'm not inspired by my outfit? Now, I hate to be picky, but isn't grey a bit...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
But what about the Virginia Lime Green? Listen, the Virginia Vermilion. Think about it. Fine colors. Well, I guess I'll go back to your muskets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Now some of you may sit, the fatter ones. Now give the other fatter one sit for a little bit. Now I will sit because I am tired. Perhaps someone could go on a coffee run.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Good, because if they weren't at the theater anyway, then they weren't proper patrons of the arts, were they?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I have nine eggs. Then you see me here in my cold plunge. Then I'm over here in my workout room. Then I go get prayed up. Then I go and I spend time with the family I'm allowed to see. And then I act. Then I come back, back to the gym, nine eggs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Yes, and I definitely did all of the Tempest while covered in blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I'm better here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I was there, and I always burn bridges to light the way of the people that don't understand me. So it's actually kind of even more so, not even really burning of physical bridges. It's more metaphorical. I'm burning bridges to the old thoughts I had. So, yes, a lot of the times I'm acting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
The main skill set that one must have is to be light of foot, fleet of mind, and to have written a script before, where the ending is, and then John Wilkes Booth shoots the president.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
You prefer me to be on stage. Yeah. I'm delivering the message. I'm helping the message of slavery by showing that I'm a slave to my mommy and Stitch. I'll tell you what. I'll entertain your wives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Do you see these size four shoes? Do you see these absolutely delicate hands?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Oh, you want to know how I got these scars?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
It did enter into the area just above my penis and went and I felt it bounce off my pelvis, off my right lung, up into my throat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
It's almost like there's nothing civil about this war.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Is Pirates of Penzance still going on for the evening? I don't know. Will anybody want to see you meet me in St.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
As Booth was later heard to remark to his sister, quote, Imagine me helping that wounded soldier with my rebel sinews.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I'll give you my review. He's mid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Yeah, he's quite a looker, and he's got a good big masculine, feminine chest. He's got a big bulbous rump. That's what I like out of my actors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
A little Oglolino. I don't know. I am too Italian. Nobody wants to marry my son. I am too Italian to be ugly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
My brains are worth twenty men. My money worth a hundred. I have a free pass everywhere. My profession, my name, is my passport. My knowledge of drugs is valuable. My beloved precious money is the means, one of the means, by which I serve the South. Money. Drugs. Hanging out. Being me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
And they just like, they need me here again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Here's another story about the time me and my best friend spent many months sleeping together in one bed in a cabin. Oh, we tussled and wrestled.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
And today we have a very special episode. We have a very special interview. I can't believe we were able to talk to this guy and his wife. Today we have an interview with Damian Echols and his wife, Lori Davis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
I do want to get back to the small town stuff, but while we're on the subject of death row and camaraderie, one of the things that I found really interesting in your writing is how when you wrote about some of these other inmates, there seemed to be not necessarily a sense of fondness, but definitely a sense of familiarity with these other people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Were there people that you were with on death row that you miss or that you mourn?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Well, that's who Damien Echols is. He is one of the West Memphis Three who were falsely accused of killing three children way back in 1993.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
For 18 years, correct?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
It's incredible. I mean, what I'm hearing from you again and again is like, it seems like the word that keeps coming back to me is reality, is that it seems like over your life, the nature of reality has changed so many times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
And when all of this stuff was starting to happen way back when, way back in the 90s, you know, before you were before you were arrested or even afterwards, like at what point did it finally hit you like, oh, shit, this is real?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Well, for those of you who aren't familiar with the West Memphis Three, you just need a little bit of a refresher. Back in 1993, three children named Stephen Edward Branch, Christopher Mark Byers, and James Michael Moore were murdered together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
They were children, all around eight, nine years old, and their dead bodies were found mutilated in basically a wooded area in the town of West Memphis, Arkansas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I want to ask you, Laurie, like, I know when the two of you got married, you moved down to Arkansas from New York City to be closer to Damien. Did Damien have to give you a kind of, like, Arkansas primer? Like, here's what...
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
I grew up in rural Texas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
I mean, it's just one of those pieces of woods. It's kind of like where Kaylee Anthony was found. It's just like a piece of woods where kids go to play. And so their bodies were found. And it was an absolutely horrific crime scene. I mean, the kids had been bound. Their bodies had been...
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Unbelievable. So, Lori, do you also practice, like, ritual magic?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
In the same vein.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yeah, because we all, because me and Henry have both, you know, practiced ritual magic in the past as well. And, you know, it's different for absolutely everybody what works for them. Yeah. As I'm getting older, it's changing. Yeah. That's for certain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Of the poster. Well, speaking of different kinds of magic, like one of the things I was so surprised to read about is that you found a theosophist on death row, a guy who actually studied Madame Blavatsky. That's insane. What was what was his how did that conversation begin? And like, what was that guy? What was his deal?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
hogtied specifically yeah hogtied specifically uh and their bodies you know as it would come later come out you know had been eaten by snapping turtles quite a bit uh and so of course the cops on the scene uh were small town cops no fucking clue how to handle something like this uh and they just make a mess of this crime scene they trample all over it they're they're in shock Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Most of the things I watch, I think, is that's the reason why I watch it, is so I can say I'm glad that's not me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
But at the same time, one of the investigators on the scene turned to another and said, well, it looks like Damien Nichols finally killed someone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
But did you but when you first came out, did you like feel a pressure to to participate in those sorts of worlds?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Something like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Well, I mean, concerning your magic and, you know, in this type of environment that you're talking about, like, you know, it's the type of magic that that you write about and you talk about, you know, it was born in a very dark place, arguably, you know, one of the darkest places you can be. But it's it seems very radiant is a word I describe as, you know, it's very radiant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
There's you know, you talk about angels and those sorts of like other beings that you have. regular communication with, like, why do you think that that sort of philosophy was born from such a dark place?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
It's going to be a place that's nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Absolutely not. And that's one of the things we're going to be talking about today in our interview with them. The possibility of maybe finding out sometime in the very near future who may have done this. But the point is, is that before the investigation even started, eyes were already on Damien Echols. Oh, immediately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
So as far as what's going on with y'all now, like y'all have had a huge year. You've had a big, you've had a really, like a huge hurdle has finally been crossed as far as finally clearing your name. Like tell us about this ruling that occurred in April of this year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
First of all, tell us what the testing is and what you guys finally got over the line. Some people have no idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
And the evidence was a shoelace, correct, from the crime scene?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Oh, it's a prosecutor who actually wants to find the people who committed the crime? What a fucking novel idea. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Well, that's the thing about this. The West Memphis Three were Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin, and Jesse Miscali. Jason Baldwin and Damien Echols were best friends. And there are a couple of kids in a small town. They listen to Metallica. They wear black. They're goth kids, basically. And really, Jason Bowen really isn't even that much of a goth kid. He just likes Metallica. He likes to draw.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
They don't like it. Isn't that the whole point of the Alford plea is for everybody to just sort of say like, no one has to be wrong. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Technically, you'd call him a hesher. Yeah, a hesher. Exactly. And Jesse Miskelly, he had been lumped in because he had, I think the quote that Driver said was that he had spiky hair and stuff. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Well, Damian, Lori, thank you so much for joining us today. This has been an absolute pleasure to have both of you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Before we go, please tell us the names of your books that you've written on magic and the books you've written about your time in prison. They're fantastic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
But he was said that he was he knew enough to say hello to him. But he said he he said Damien Echols actually scared him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yeah, you truly are an inspiration to people everywhere. So thank you for what you do and for speaking out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yeah, and it's an absolutely harrowing story, but it's extremely inspirational at the same time. I mean, for a man to find peace like that, I mean, the strength that it must take to find something like that is fucking incredible. I don't have it. I would die in there. I know that for a fact.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yep. And Atlanta, Dallas, Nashville, Detroit, Toronto. We're coming to all your cities next year. So go to LastPodcastOnTheLeft.com to see when those shows are. And how game, you fuckers. Hail Satan, you pieces of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yeah, it's pretty certain because, you know, turtles will go after the fleshiest parts of the body first. And, you know, based on the bite marks and based on turtle activity and the fact that just snapping turtles are just everywhere in the Robin Hood Hills area points towards most likely it being snapping turtles that did the mutilation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
They're very, very scary. Basically, what it all comes down to is that Damien Echols had kind of been talking shit around town, being the scary kid, saying, yeah, yeah, I killed those kids, whatever. Yeah, super evil, yeah. Yeah. Like basically puffing up his chest a little bit, just kind of fucking with people. We all knew a bunch of kids like that. Of course. Yes, of course we did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
But at the same time, Jesse Miskelly had been brought in to be interrogated and gave a confession to the police saying that he did it along with Damien and Jason Baldwin. And this is a textbook case of police coercion when it comes to Jesse Miskelly. Uh, they, you know, lead him on at all points.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name's Marcus Parks. I'm here with Henry Zebrowski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
If he makes, if he says the wrong thing, they'll correct him and he'll say, oh yeah, yeah, that's right. That's right. You're right. You're right. Uh, and eventually, you know, and they keep telling him the whole time, like, Hey, Jesse, as soon as you tell us this. You're going to go home. All you got to do is tell us what happened, and you can go home.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
To the point where he confessed to a triple murder, or at least being involved in a triple murder, witnessing a triple murder, and then sat down and was taken back to his jail cell and sat down. He's like, all right, my dad's going to come pick me up any second now. No idea of the consequences of his actions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
And so based off of that confession and also based off of the testimony of a woman, an older woman who said that she had gone to a Wiccan black mass with Damien Echols and Jesse Miss Kelly a few months before. By the way, that was absolutely false. She recanted her entire testimony when it came to that. Turns out she'd just gotten blackout drunk and went to a party in a field.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
And had used that as the framework for like, oh, I went to this Wiccan, you know, this Wiccan party, this Wiccan sacrificial ritual with these other two guys. And so, you know, during the trial, it... All they had were these confessions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
And there was also they said that they had found these threads on the kids bodies that were, they said, microscopically similar to threads that were found in Damien's trailer, which pretty much just proved that they all shopped at the same Wal-Mart. You know, like it wasn't any there was by no means anything forensic to link these guys to the crime in any way whatsoever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
And there's like, you know, you can go back and listen to our series to, you know, we go through every single piece of evidence that shows the evidence that shows how they couldn't have done it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yes, exactly. And so all three of them were found guilty of this triple murder. Jason and Jesse were sentenced to life in prison, but Damien was sentenced to death. He got full on got the death penalty. And so Damian Echols spent the next 18 years on death row. And that's going to be a lot. A lot of the conversation we're going to be talking about today is, you know, his time on death row.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
processed it what he learned from within what he kind of how he grew while on death row and kind of looking back where is he at now exactly and how his wife laura was there for him you know and is currently helping him out uh with this new kind of breakthrough that they're hopefully going to get in this case uh but damien was released in 2011 along with jason on an alford play
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yes, along with Jason and Jesse on something called an Alford plea. It's basically a way for someone to get out of jail and at the same time the government not take any responsibility whatsoever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yes. And that's how they got out of jail was on this Alford plea because they spent, you know, there were, you know, Metallica came to his aid. Eddie Vedder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
A cause celeb. You know, Paradise Lost was the first time that Metallica ever allowed the use of their music to be licensed in a movie. Yeah, because Lars is not the nicest man who's ever lived. Of course, until they really got the opportunity to really let themselves shine in Mission Impossible 2.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yeah, they really had it really had it down there. So we're going to start our interview right now with Damian Echols and Laurie Davis. And we're going to start by talking about what got him into trouble in the first place and possibly the thing that we're in the middle of right now. Good old fashioned satanic panic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
So as somebody who was, I would say, directly affected by the satanic panic of the 1980s and the 1990s, probably the most high profile person to be affected by the satanic panic. Do you think that America is in the grips of another satanic panic or that another one is coming?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
So, like, for you, like, the satanic panic of the 90s, like, how did that trickle down from a national level down to your local authority figures? Because, you know, what's incredible to me about your story is, like, how there were people that were in your life, even before the murders, that seemed to believe that they were battling a personal war against Satan himself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Like, how did that manifest itself?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yep. 20 times you've tried and 20 times you've failed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Because you are not genuinely creepy. I'm sorry, but you're a clown. I am. I am.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
It's from a man named Ryan Reynolds.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Ryan Reynolds is quite a common name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
No, no, no, no. Throw children into as many bad relationships as possible. Like if you can show them a really bad example of two people together. And let them sort it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Well, you're still fat. Yeah, you were so fat when you were born, they wrote a newspaper article about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
There was a set of stairs that ran down into a dark basement. A set of stairs. I thought they meant like the grandparents staring at them for hours on end.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
You know, for somebody who didn't really think about it much, he sure does know a lot of details about dimensions. He's upset about the stairs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, of course, we have the eternal movie critic, Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah. I always had a dream that, you know, Greedo from Star Wars? Yeah. Yeah, a bunch of them, but they were glowing blue, and they all had different symbols on their chest with different ways to tickle me, and then they would all surround me and tickle me until I exploded, and then I would wake up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
No, he wasn't. You're thinking of Watto.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Watto was the obvious Jewish stereotype in episode one. I'm talking about Greedo, the green man that Han Solo shot in the Mos Eisley Cantina in episode four.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
You feel good now. Okay, good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
They didn't know his kids. When they were kids, they didn't know. He didn't know until he was older. It was creepy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
If you're going to do that, I think the polite thing to do is instead of telling them the whole story, write up a little one sheet of what happened. Slip it under the door. Slip it under the door and say, I shall return on the morrow to discuss.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
This one that I saw this one and it reminded me of Murderfest. All right. Had things gone a different direction? All right. Towards success?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
It's the delivery with Gene Hackman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
You were there. Yeah, I was there. And I've been in a dozen bands over the years. And when you play to nobody, it's a public rehearsal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
He's on the road, ladies and gentlemen. He's on the invasive species tour. He's doing stand up at night and he's fucking full of beans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
We are the jumbo shrimp here to play a game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
It had a definite G-Train feel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, so you want to induce schizophrenia in people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, schizophrenia. And it's all for free and you're all street musicians or street performers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, but you are bringing skits. What do you mean? You say you want skits too fucking bad. That implies that you're not giving them skits, but you are forcing skits upon people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
It's not a compliment. It was written by an idiot after all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
All right. Vignettes. Yeah. A few vignettes. This is a chapter in the Zizian Manifesto.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
He feels like several holes have been poked into his heart. His body shrivels to a point where it doesn't look human anymore. I'm sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I think so. Dream number two. The girl knocked on the door. Earlier, a man had complained, said that they were making too much noise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
But it seemed pretty quiet to her. When nobody answered her knocks, she tried opening it herself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Dream 3. I started the day like any other. I ate breakfast and left my apartment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, it kind of sounds nice. Yeah, yeah, I could use a break. Walking in his own personal nowhere towards a green pyramid. Yeah, I could spend an afternoon doing that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Oh, okay. All right. I shall listen closely for the subtleties. Odyssey Pop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I love that. It's cool. His own piss or somebody else's?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
So the dog died and the friend said, put it in the freezer till I get back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
That's what I do. I can't believe that the two of you are not looking at this as an issue of like, hey, put the dead dog in the freezer, and the two of you are looking at it as a space issue? Yeah, you got to wrap it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, having grown up in the country, when I hear dead dog, my mind immediately goes to violence because I only had one dog that did not die by violent means.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Hey, sorry. So I was hanging around your house, and I saw this button. The automatic hammer button? I pushed it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I need to stop putting it right next to the toilet flusher.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Is it so much worse? Slow down a little bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Bark. Bark, bark. That's exceptional. Thank you. Exceptional. I specialize in interspecies performance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
No, it's a ghost man pretending to be a dog. And a man with a dog's name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
And just happened to show up the same night that the friend put the Yorkie's corpse in the freezer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, had to pop him in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
What do you mean? The freezer, the dead dog, and the bark bark.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, go back to the part where she talks about the dog dying because they really just scooted right over that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Well, I think I did what needed to be done is more like I wrapped a dead dog in a bunch of plastic bags and put it in a freezer. Like I handled a dead dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
They love the discussion. Oh, I'd never do that to you, Georgie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, Georgie came in to record today. Come here, girl.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Sounds like something that comes out of the Necronomicon. It's like a Necronomicon pill.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Well, no, let's not say fuck all bosses. Let's not say all bosses are pieces of shit necessarily. You come for me, you best not miss. Some bosses worry, Ed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
No, well, where we're at right now is, like, you're trying to make, like, your 30s last well into your 50s. That's what you have to do. And you try to make your 50s last into your 70s. That's what you, I mean, you better. And then you make your 70s last into your 100s.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, we've ended the show. Yeah, if you wanted to see Georgie on camera, go to patreon.com slash last podcast and left to see video episodes. And while you're there, for a very reasonable price, you can see Last Stream on the Left every Tuesday at 6 p.m. PST, 9 p.m. EST. You get to see it raw.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Like RFK Jr. He just worries. He's like, ah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
So yeah, this comes out on Friday. Do you have any, if someone's listening to this on Friday, where can they see my city right now?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
It was. It was easily our best show. It was so much fun. Thanks to everyone in Nashville who came out for that one to come see us at such an historic venue. It's always a pleasure to play the Ryman and to put our own little mark on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Hail Gein. I appreciate all of you very much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Go put it by yourself. Hail Florida. I'll see you guys. It's my hail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
If you read the Ed Gein chapter in the book, I explain it. Okay. All right. Good. I won't do that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
That's right. Creepypasta21, ladies and gentlemen, welcome officially. I'm going to start off today's episode. I was going to start off with a poem just because I love the title so much. Where trod the black camel?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
It does sound like something you'd buy at a rifle show in 1994. But the poem was terrible. So I'm not going to subject everyone to where trod the black camel. But I will begin with a story. Can you summarize it? A man goes into the desert. There's a djinn. Of course. Riding a black camel, I believe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
And the black camel is trotting upon the desert and steals the man's soul, I think, at the end of it. So it's like that America song. Yeah. Horse with no name. Yeah. But it's a black camel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Instead, I'm gonna start with a story submitted by a man named Daniel Hale to the creepypasta site Bogleach. Still a wonderful site. This is called The Splatterpunk Gospel. Do you think he's related to Nathaniel Hale? The American spy. The American spy, yeah. Yes, I do. Thank you. I'll respect it now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
The English do it right. I can go with a good name. My spy name. You got to have a boring spy name. You have a great alias. Oh, I have my alias. I can't release it. No, of course you don't. But I just say it's wonderful. Yes. Yeah, mine's too fancy. Wynton Arthur Danforth III.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
And severance. And severance. Yeah, and Ouroboros.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
You need to get that fucking thick ass fucking sludge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get some sludge in there. No, that definitely calls for some stoner metal, without a doubt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the searcher, the man on the eternal mission for Gene Hackman erotic fiction, Henry Zebrowski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
That's it was also my introduction to money. To be honest with you, it was the first time I made a job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Who is the tooth fairy selling these teeth to?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Why does she need them? Who benefits? Why does she need them?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Now, we've talked about Christmas and religion, and I really want to get your opinion on the afterlife. Your father famously said, I don't want to believe, I want to know. And so there is no, there is nothing, to me, like my dad died twice. He, you know, the first time he died, he had no idea that anything ever happened. He's like, there's nothing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
And the second time, you know, it was very uneventful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
It was the last time he died. And a lot of people really, really want to believe in a life after death. Me, personally, it makes no sense to me. But yet, I'm on a very popular podcast. We talk about paranormal activity and ghosts a lot and stuff like that. And also, my family is very spiritual.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
So I'm just kind of wondering where your opinion lies on a life after death, a purgatory, the existence of ghosts. I know there's 10 questions in there, but...
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Yeah, it's like a quest for truth and knowledge, kind of. Yeah. And it would change depending on what you were testing, you know? Yeah, and what you learned. Because it's not like, yeah, what is true on Earth wouldn't be true on Ramulon or whatever place doesn't exist, you know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Yeah, because you would have to find discover whatever new elements are in this different place and like whatever new gases that we have never heard of, you know, exists in another place, you know, because it all doesn't exist in the bubble we call Earth. I agree.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Yes, I agree completely. So we've been talking about outer space, going to other planets, stars and whatnot. I got to ask, just because it drives me crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
astrology does it hold oh my god does it hold any merit like am i the same as everyone born on october 5th like it's just like you know he's such a libra about this like honestly as soon as you start talking about i'm like oh is the libra talking i i have the same problem actually because i first of all happy belated birthday um
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
It doesn't matter where the stars are. Well, who knows?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
I'm so fascinated by the concept of religion and why people are getting so crazy about it. It seems like the radicalness of religion is on the rise, but also it seems like Atheism, or sometimes listed as just none when you have to click a box, is also, I think, the third religion in the world right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Do you think it's going to continue to rise as time goes, or do you think it's going to go down? It seems to be kicking back, kind of, in a way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Well, this is finally, I get a skeptic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
just absolutely superficial and meaningless yes i i i always go back to a conversation i had with a religious leader when i was a kid and they not a kid teenager but whatever and i remember them saying like if you don't believe then what actually keeps you from sinning and now that i look back on it you know i i said morality but like uh the but yeah look back
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
But I also think that, like, your concept of a sin is probably different than my concept of a sin, because, like, you think that I can't say the word God if I'm not saying it in the right way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Yeah. But if you have to believe in hell to not steal or beat somebody. It doesn't stop them from doing bad things, does it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Yes, I agree with that. It was hard for me a long time because my mom was, you know, without my father for a long time and, uh, and she would go to church all the time and give them money and stuff. I'm like, well, you're just giving them, you know, your hard earned money is driving me crazy. But then like the entertainment in me is like, oh, that's just the price of admission for the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Now, I got to ask this question just because you're here and Henry's here. Henry fancies himself a Satanist. And what does that, when you hear that, what do you think?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
So how does the government weather machine work then?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
I have to just talk to someone and pretend to believe what they're saying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
It drives me crazy because you believe in the Bible and God's the ultimate weather machine. He flooded the earth, you know, apparently, you know, destroyed everybody and they worship God. So if they believe that Biden flooded Florida, shouldn't they worship him?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
You're just scared that she's going to tell you aliens aren't real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
How about we take Jordan Peterson and leave him in the middle of the woods? If he comes back, then we have to keep him. Now, honestly, so my father was Jewish. My mother is Catholic. So I'm an atheist. But I still love... christmas i think christmas is amazing i love celebrating i got a tree but like sitting there and worshiping jesus is insane to me uh so it's and it's boring yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
It's just I mean, in general, I don't like people's birthday, you know, and so it's not even really his birthday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Exactly. But so what do you do around the holidays? I know you were you know, if you were if you had to, like, identify as a religion, which I'm secular Jewish, correct?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
But yeah, celebrate Hanukkah. Like, what do you do as you know, someone who doesn't really have faith?
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
It's just like Santa Claus is just putting the thought into all children that their parents are liars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
You know, like, this is daddy's money. You know, like, Santa didn't fucking go out and go onto the computer and find the Hot Wheels track. I just love fooling children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
So what do you tell her? Do you say that Santa isn't real, but keep the lie going for your classmates?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
My goal is infield home run. My goal is one of those bunts that confuses everyone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
You know what that is, though? In Dog, that was, please help me, oh my god, help me, I'm burning up inside of this capsule. Now, I thought Sputnik was Russian. It is. Oh, I thought you just said it was American. No, we're watching. So these bees went up into the sky. So this is like the first man-made satellite to go into space. These are the first satellites that we put up into space.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Hey! But maybe that fucked up rock used to have a life of its own. So, yeah, they said, like, they said LACO lived up there for 10 days. Definitely didn't live more than five hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
We know that. But the fact that it lived at all showed that something could live in space. So good work, LACO.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
But only 17 died. according to the Soviet Union.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I don't like it when people... Why do people take their pets to extreme sports?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
If they're not chill, don't do it. What do you mean if they're chill? Like, that it's fine with being deployed into the sky?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
That's the idea, and that the man somehow has been allowed by other teammates to score. Well, I got a feeling you're going to be called out at home. Nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Can you imagine throwing Carmi into a hot air balloon basket?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
No, no dog is. Golden Retrievers, really cool, calm Golden Retrievers. The only one that ever could have done it was Air Bud, and he's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
He died. But I'm saying, he died in the sky. I believe he died at the hands of his owners.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
And then once it got into the hard drugs, because that's the thing, everyone wants to meet Air Bud, but no one wants to be Air Bud.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Come on. You know I'm good for it, doc.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
So when Sputnik and Sputnik 2 were in orbit, many scientists observed these artificial satellites. People were now looking at the sky for the first time en masse quite a bit and with a paranoid view. Dr. Luis Corrales of the communications ministry in Venezuela spotted Sputnik 2 over Caracas, and Corrales saw a second unknown satellite shadowing Sputnik 2.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Now, people are starting to see weird stuff in the sky. In the late 1950s to early 1960s, more and more scientists started studying space to find intelligent life. The search for extraterrestrial intelligence, the SETI program, was founded. Project Osma was started by Frank Drake of Cornell University. And a lot of guys, though, the problem is that we're working on...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Our concepts of what an alien would use as technology. So we assume we use radio, they'll use radio. So they start getting deep into using radio technology to kind of mine the space to see if they bounce something back. Which is, again, it's one of those things that it does sort of happen. It does happen. There's this thing called LDEs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
In 1927, a Norwegian engineer by the name of Jorgen Hals was doing some radio experiments and discovered signal echoes that appeared sometime between 1 and 40 seconds after an initial radio transmission was broadcast. So we're shooting shit out into space. Yeah, LDs, it's what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
These are, they're called long delayed radio echoes. And when Hale first identified them, they have been happening on and off ever since. So we sent out a radio signal. And essentially like about a minute or even up to 40 seconds before, like whatever, it it bounces back in this weird way. We don't know what it's bouncing off of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
They all were saying that it was bouncing off of hidden things in the sky. Could it bounce off the moon? Yes. It probably is bouncing off the moon. But we don't really know. But this is where some people believe the Black Knight satellite
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Have we ever tried to land on it or dock it? Well, now we're kind of, no. Oh, no. The Black Knight satellite? No. We can't find it. It's already, basically, it's already gone. If it was up there, it's gone. Okay. And so now it's like, or it's moved out of orbit. It's like, you know, that's kind of, depending on what you believe about what it was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
He's starting to really start to understand it. But also the key is, is that we're past a lot of this technology now. A lot of now we're changing the way we're doing things. We are. I think we're starting to understand that maybe super advanced race wouldn't necessarily work with radio signals. But until then, you know, at this point in the story, though, we're not there yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I'm not mean. Farts don't faze me. Oh, no. I'm talking about Duncan Cameron. I'm talking about turtlenecked Long Island psychic. I think that man doesn't even know he farts. No. Yeah. Another secret admission. All it is is just his fuel. That's his psychic fuel coming out the back end. So today I wanted to cover something short and sweet for my very first episode. No, man, I'm short and sour.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Yeah. But at the time, we don't know that. We assume that radio waves is the far bleeding edge of technology that we're on. So we're trying to kind of talk to this thing back. We believe that we're talking to something and it might be sending something back.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Like signals have been around and the idea of signals being in the sky have actually been around for a very long time. Technically, before we even started doing these massive like space exploration projects. It starts technically. With Tesla. Nikola Tesla. Now, we're all the way back here. I keep dialing the story back. Yeah. Well, I mean, of course you have to.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
It's one layer after time because now it's like, okay, how does this connect to the Black Knight satellite? It's up there. Like, let's say at the very top of this, this is some object that is sitting in our lower orbit that's just been there hanging out. 13,000 years. 13,000 years.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
And it's also weird because when it was first starting, when people were noticing things in the sky, they said where most things, when they float around the planet Earth, satellites, man-made satellites, they work on the equator line. It wasn't until many, many years later that we can do what's called a polar version of the circlings.
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So bad at the science. The idea is that it normally goes around.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
What's real and what's not real? I don't know. So let's just say the Black Knight satellite, this is the full rollout of what it could be. So let's say it's been monitoring Earth for thousands of years. It's in low Earth orbit. It can shift from low to medium Earth orbit. But none of our artificial satellites are necessarily capable of Right, so it means that it's controlling itself.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
If you look at it from the side, right, now just seeing the picture of the Black Knight satellite that we have from 1998, it looks like this solid, floaty thing. It looks sort of like a rock. Yeah. Right, so this is what we're saying, like... It looks sort of like the obelisk from 2001. That's what John Keel was all wigged out about.
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According to John Keel, ufologist and paranormal researcher who wrote the Mothman prophecies, my boy... Yeah. Right. He also wrote a great book that I ended up then buying and reading called Disneyland of the Gods that has like a whole chapter on this.
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This is so he believes that something left something behind to talk to us or say hello to us as evidence of we came and visited your planet a long time ago. One day you might have the technology to see the rock that we left to say hello. And maybe that's as far as it goes.
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Or is it signaling back to some other big group of bad, scary, slash just aloof aliens that we don't understand and might not necessarily know what our agendas are or care? It is intimidating looking. It's cool looking.
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No, it doesn't. But maybe that's their view. But black is also slimming. Yeah. And it's kind of dope. You know, I like a matte black car when they do that. I think it's cool. I like a Batman mobile looking car.
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Yeah, that's what I'm fucking, fucking talking about. All right? This species of aliens might be called the Watchers.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Right? And they exist primarily in another dimension beyond the bounds of the space-time continuum. Like Galactus.
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but real. The Watchers both seeded Earth with life and interface with humans to help steer them towards cultural advancement. This is where we get into those hazy things. I still think that humans on their own could do quite a bit with their thought processes, but I don't really know why.
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I don't think they necessarily need alien help, but I don't think that necessarily doesn't mean that aliens didn't come and say hi. So these guys came. They arrived on Earth. Let's say the Watchers arrived on Earth 40,000 years ago. They interbred with human women because of our fucking awesome big succulent butts. Because you've seen aliens. Yeah. Horrible bodies.
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Yeah, all covered in shit and cum and weed. But that's just, again, that's my judgment on me. And I'm better than this.
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All I know is I love meeting misinformation, but you never want to meet her husband, Mr. Information, because he hates what you do with her. That's mansplaining. Yeah. The Watchers, they have great knowledge of tool making, mathematics, agriculture, and laws. They gave it all to humanity.
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You could tell because if you look on the Code of Hammurabi, Marcus, and if you go to the section that's in the Brindis Museum, you will see there's a UFO on it. And that's proof. Yes. The proof of the Watchers can be found as godly depictions of flying saucers on ancient cave paintings throughout the world. We've all been there.
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They're also known as the Cuckers. Okay. Because they watch from space. In the original Star Trek episode, Who Mourns for Adonai? This is all from Joel, by the way. This little section here. This is a race of godlike aliens who claim to visit Earth during ancient Greece and pose as gods so they could receive the power from being worshipped.
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But today I wanted to do something, a micro topic that we could cover very easily because I don't want to go too far into the lore. I don't want to ruin people's weeks.
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Are you afraid of the unbridled masculinity of James T. Kirk?
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So John Keel obviously was a huge proponent of this. He very much believed that there was like a seeding race of aliens. I still believe that that is a... It's a very simplified version of what could be a very complex biological component to our universe. Sure. I think it's a lot more mysterious than that.
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I do believe, which is what John Keel said, which he's entirely correct, if they were communicating with us over any volume of space-time, it probably would need to be psychic because of quantum entanglement. Which is what? When quantums become entangled. What they call spooky action at a distance.
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It's this idea that one of the weird things in quantum mechanics or whatever is that ostensibly two particles can possibly be in the same place at the same time. Because of the intransient way that matter exists. Essentially, I can't wait for the letters on this.
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The idea is that you can maybe, it's kind of, to woo-wee-woo it, you can match a frequency in your brain to some other frequency somewhere else in the universe, and then you would instantly be able to speak to each other. That's really just the most goopy way to say psychic communication.
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We just did that the last two weeks in a row with the Montauk project. And I decided to add a little bit more confusion to everybody's life. That's great. By covering a subject that I was just personally interested in and wanted to know the backdrop of. And it's amazing how much you can learn and also not learn in a short period of time. Okay.
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It's like right now, Hillary Clinton naked. Done. I just thought about it.
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I saw it, too. Warwick Davis defending Casey Anthony in jail. Too late. I already saw him naked.
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In prepping for today's episode, I was rethinking about the Montauk Project and how funny it was, the idea that Duncan Cameron had a focus to keep the time tunnel open. So anything, if he sneezed, if he farted in the middle of the thing, another Montauk boy
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Speaking of the power of the imagination. To get deeper into the mystery of the Black Knight satellite, however, we really have to talk about Nikola Tesla. We're back here now.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
We're back. Thank you, Joel, for helping with this outline. Nikola Tesla was one of the more important figures in science. Definitely. Developed many things. the electromagnetic wave technology that allowed wireless communication that we all use today. Indeed. He also got majorly flamed by Edison. And they think largely Tesla was just a weirdo. And they gave him a lot of judgment.
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No, Edison was a fucking bastard, but he was an American genius. Just because you're a bastard doesn't mean you're a bad hang. He was an evil... I bet you... Yeah, you're right. Because if you're just hanging with them every once in a while, a bastard's actually kind of a lot of fun. It's only when you get close to them.
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That's great. I like that. That's a good way to look at it. And P.T. Barnum's at the hotel room after all of this. The hotel lobby.
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Waiting for you. So Tesla, who also worked in Colorado Springs, which I did not know, he was in his laboratory in 1899. Working in the lab, late morning night. I wish I could do a whole song. I was working in the lab. He happened upon a mysterious radio signal. An eerie sight? Whoa, whoa, it's the wolf man doing the twist.
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So he was watching his signals because he's bored and he's fucking a weirdo. And Tesla believed that there was a greeting of one planet to another from highly intelligent beings. Tesla intercepted dozens of strange radio signals, which he initially believed were from Mars, but came to understand that they were from much further away.
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This inspired him to develop technology capable of sending radio signals to other planets. And it sort of also ruined his entire career. Because he came out saying, big deal, I'm talking to aliens. They sent this triple message where it was knock, knock, knock. And then he sent a four knock response and got nothing.
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But now there's a lot of talk about whether or not he did pick up something weird. And there have been people who've tried to recreate this same experiment and have gotten this weird chatter back. But they believe that it might come from literally weird space signals bouncing off of Jupiter. Could have been from a pulsar fluctuating or something.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Now, today's episode, we are covering the Black Knight Satellite, which is, you know, it's huge. The Martin Lawrence vehicle? Yes.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Or it could have been from other radio technology experiments that were happening at the time. Because that is what's super interesting about it is the fact that There wasn't all of these signals flying through the sky at the time. Yeah. So when this popped up, it really felt like really fucking weird.
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I thought Jupiter was just gas. Jupiter is gas, but it's solid enough to get bounced off of. Gas can actually be bounced off of in space. Okay, cool. Oh, yeah. Very much so. Has to be. Now, this is what Tesla all of this then comes together when Black Knight is then seen later on.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
And this idea of the there's something talking to another planetary race outside of it's like kind of all gets souped up. So now, like, this is all of this to be said. This is why the Black Knight satellite started to sort of accrue conspiracy theories around it.
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Once 1998, like that kind of set it all off because then unearthed was even more weird, legit information about what was going on in the sky and in space at the same time. By the 1960s, the USA and the Soviet Union were competing in the space race. In January 1960, both U.S.
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and Soviet scientists discovered what they believed to be an unknown satellite in what they called the polar orbit of the Earth. Neither nation had been capable of launching a satellite into polar orbit. In addition, the polar satellite was believed to be 15 tons, and the heaviest satellite launched at the time was only 1.4 tons. There were many research establishments that confirmed this thing.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
So that was the first time we saw something in the sky. We didn't know what it was, right? New York Times, Newsweek, Life magazine reported on this heavy polar satellite calling it the Black Knight, which is where we get the name. There were countless reports from professional and amateur astronomers, radio operators about the Black Knight, strange radio signals and these long delayed echoes.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
It is the Black Knight Satellite. It's actually, it's Black Knight 2. It's featuring Dave Matthews from the Dave Matthews band playing a white woman. Yeah. The song Satellite. Go ahead. Satellite. Satellite's a great song to get finger banged to if you haven't done it yet. Right? Like night swimming.
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People are all getting these like weird things, watches and things in the sky. Partially is just the amount of now eyeballs looking at the sky. Especially since like the lead up to this, having the whole space race go on in the United States, all over the world. Like everybody's got space on the brain.
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And alien entertainment is at an all-time high. It's huge. It's huge. It's like people love sci-fi. It is a part of the whole mob movement. But then they get to, so now we show back up. So Clyde Tombaugh, Pluto's agent, he just beat all of these allegations at the time for sexually salting Mercury. And when he got past all of that noise. Too hot to handle. Too cold to hold. Too hot.
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He's a space lawyer and he's in control. So he believed Earth. He himself believed that Earth had an unknown satellite similar to the moon, but much closer to Earth, in low Earth orbit. Tombaugh observed the Black Knight was apparently, and he said that it could adjust its orbit and move into medium Earth orbit. which is what I used to do. But now I am moving into extra-large orbit.
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There's a couple of other quote-unquote... There are other pictures that exist. According to some conspiracy theorists that when you watch their videos, there's some that say like, yeah, that one got debunked. That main picture got debunked. But there are other pictures from other sources that they say exist of it.
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And it just depends on whether or not you believe that those pictures are real or not. And the Hubble can't see this thing? Hubble's got other things on its mind, dog. Hubble's doing other shit. No, it's because it's not looking at us. Hubble's looking out.
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No, dude. You can't fucking turn that shit around, dude, because honestly, you just look like shit. You ever taken a selfie on the toilet? What about the observatory?
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It's quite like... Think about how big space is and how small this object might be. We don't know. 15 tons. Yes. We could spot our own satellites. Because we know where they are.
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It's very big. Very big. Things move very fast up there. February 1960, the U.S. government identified on radar a dark, tumbling object in Earth's orbit, and the Navy experienced what they said was another long, delayed radio echo. The Defense Department dismissed the object as space debris.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Time magazine published an article about the unknown object, speculating that it was the often-rumored Black Knight satellite. So it got a lot of coverage. This whole story was pretty legit. It was speculated that the object was a Soviet spy satellite. Soviets are like, ain't us. Of course. Why would they say it was them? But it was revealed in a follow-up Times article that the U.S.
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Navy program Dark Fence was on the lookout for all satellites, U.S., Soviet, or other, and the tumbling object was actually a piece broken off of a U.S. spy satellite, Discoverer 5. Nevertheless, the initial article had spawned a rabid curiosity for the Black Knight satellite. So it's like, this is true. There was stuff floating around out there.
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We didn't know what it was because we were trying to shoot stuff into space as much as we could, especially at the time. And some of it just didn't work. Some of it died as soon as we shot it out. But it stays in orbit for a long time.
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Satellite, night swimming, both great songs to get finger banged to by some guy you'll never know again.
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Oh, yes. Because this is very common. Space debris, which is being seen, misidentified by astronauts. Throughout the 1960s, many U.S. astronauts reported seeing strange things in the Earth's orbit. Astronaut Gordon Cooper made several launches into the Earth's orbit from 1963 to 1966. And he saw multiple unknown objects.
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Faith 7, when he did that flight, Cooper saw an unknown object that was confirmed by a hundred other people who spotted it on radar. In 1966, Cooper was on another mission orbiting Earth when he saw a green glowing orb that was confirmed on radar by the Australian Muchea Observation Station. So people see shit out there all the time. Drives me crazy, though.
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But I think the problem is that the cameras are not as good as we wanted them to be. And then when you went to go take the picture, it would look like how when you know, you know, everybody is a professional photographer on July 4th, taking pictures of fireworks. And they're like, oh, that's awesome. Oh, good.
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And then later on, you have to go watch some guy's video of the fireworks because you're caught in Uber pool with them. And he's like, see these right here? This is the fireworks before I watched my daughter die. My daughter died of asthma on my arms. She died of fucking asthma. And then you're looking at the fireworks and it's just little fart blips on it.
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Yeah, I don't either. Night swimming. It's quiet now.
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So this is, all of this is very interesting. Eventually, Cooper would come out and he'd say that he didn't believe in the Black Knight satellite. He'd have to come and recant that he said he saw things. I think it's because guys got to him. He was fucking being a bitch about it. Yeah, that's what I said.
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There's a lot more interesting things that could be in space and in the air that are not necessarily extraterrestrial life. Sure.
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I think it's because space changes you. They always say it. Space changes you. Makes you taller. Makes you taller. But it also, it does. It gives you, there's an aloofness. They say that there's, I forget, one of the, I think it was Buzz Aldrin talked about the depression. Yeah.
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Call me Buzz. Yeah, give me five beers. They call me Drunko. That's stupid. Dr. Ronald Bracewell of Stanford University eventually would publish articles about the possibility of communicating between extraterrestrials and other star systems and the difficulty because of how big space is.
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Bracewell theorized that a satellite could send out radio signals to see if any were reflected back, which could be the result of intelligent life intentionally reflecting the signal to indicate communication was possible. So imagine like it was just popped up there a long time ago as some observer thing. And whatever was attached to it is long dead. But maybe that's one way to look at it.
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Maybe whatever purpose that thing served a long time ago, it is now over. And now we're hearing the echoes of it constantly bouncing around our ionosphere. Maybe that's something. Again, or... Is it a blanket? There's a lot of people that still think it's a blanket. There is a belief there. There is obviously we don't know where these other alien races are and where they might be.
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I still believe that it would be highly ignorant to say that there's not another physical alien race somewhere in the universe. I think ignorant, it's self-centered as well. Unless, of course, the universe is something that we don't know what it is either. Or if reality is something that we barely understand.
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We don't even really understand what consciousness is and why we have consciousness and why we can't find other consciousness. Because we also don't know what is the prerogative, what is the evolutionary prerogative of consciousness. We don't know. There's also people that believe that maybe these radio signals and all this kind of way of talking about this is also super wrong.
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We're looking at it all wrong. Maybe it needs to be math. Dr. Hans Frudenthal in the Netherlands. He believed math was the most plausible form of communication between alien beings. And this is not a joke. He created a language of what you would just say beeps and bloops. So you go beep, beep, beep, beep, bloop, bleep, bloop. Close encounters. Yep. Yeah. But it's with beeps and bloops.
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And they can easily form simple mathematical formulas that would be understood by alien life and repeated back. Sounds like binary. Yeah. Yeah. But it's beeps and bloops.
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And that's the difference between us, isn't it?
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See, this was also, like, this was one way to do it, but the main thing that all the centers around is a Scottish insane person by the name of Duncan Lunan. Yeah, amateur astronomer. And anybody can be one. That's the best part. You just got to buy a telescope and get drunk. Not wear pants. Hey, if you're serious about it. Because they're Scotland, because they all wear skirts.
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In the 1970s, Scottish amateur astronomer and science fiction writer Duncan Lunan collected all of the known strange radio signal events and long-delayed radio echo instances from history. So he said he put all of these things together. He did years and years of research. And he plotted out all the data onto a graph. And he said a star map emerged.
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So this is what he believed was being pinged off of the Black Knight satellite. And he collected all of these things. And that's what the Black Knight satellite is doing. So this is the message. Luna found that the data points, they led to the star Epsilon Butis. And within the data, there was also a message. Stay there.
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Sidestories, LPOTL at gmail.com. What is your soundtrack when you're finger banging? But today's topic is very interesting. There's a lot of ins and outs, mostly ins. But tonight we're going to decide and we're going to... Because it's up to the audience. Yeah. Right? It's not up to us what's real and what's not real. Right? Because I refuse to do that for you.
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Duncan Lunan believed the aliens had been on Earth thousands of years ago and had left the Black Knight satellite behind with a message that could be translated once humankind had developed significant technology to do so. So the idea is that it's just there until we can say hi. And then when we say hi, guess what it said? Nothing. Nothing. Well, we didn't say hi correctly. Well, I guess.
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Or not quick enough. So it might be dead. I mean, who knows? Lunin shared his findings with several of his peers at the British Interplanetary Society and the Vice President, Kenneth Gatlin, replicated Lunin's work and found the conclusions to be credible.
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Now, absolute beauties. is 103 million light years from Earth. That's far.
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Duncan Loonan's star charts display the position of... display the position of Epsilon Boötis from 13,000 years ago, which places the arrival of the Black Knight satellite at exactly... 13,000 years ago, and suggests the aliens of Epsilon Beatus are capable of traveling several times faster than the speed of light, and that's real fast!
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Coincidentally, between 11,000 and 13,000 years ago was also when the lost civilization of Atlantis fell. Oh!
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Of us. Which is down. See, to Duncan Lunan and his friends, the placing of the Black Knight satellite in orbit made several kinds of sense. Several kinds of many different types of sense. For one, it would ensure the satellite would last for thousands, if not millions of years. Because in orbit, it would not be affected by weather and geological disturbances. There's nothing in space.
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They can just hang out there. Except for all of our satellites. A lot of stuff. And two, by being in orbit, the only way it could be accessed was when humankind had advanced technologically and culturally enough to handle the possibility of alien life. Because it knew it couldn't protect ourselves from ourselves.
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I still feel that these are people... As soon as I hear two words, pyramids of Giza and kablaki tepi, I shut it off. What's kablaki teki? Kablaki teki is a... Well, it is interesting. It is a... a much farther along advanced city than we thought humans would have developed when we found it. So we found this city underground.
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I won't do that for you because guess what? You're a fucking adult, even if you're a child. Because if you're listening to this, you should be an adult. But if you're a child listening to this, now you're an adult. Go out there, buy a pack of cigarettes, get into the workforce. Honestly, looking for the 10-year-olds to start working.
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It was very, like, well built out, which is like, you know, it's considered now, like, it might set the benchmark for when we started building organized cities earlier. But that doesn't mean that it's, like, when you look at Gobleki Tepe, when it is a, it's still made out of the same stuff as everything else. Is it in Egypt also?
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It's in a place like that. Okay. But it's where other old stuff is. It's in Turkey. Okay. Yeah. Right next to mashed potatoes. My favorite town in Turkey. Yeah. Because it reminds you of your breasts. I don't want to be reminded of my breasts. I don't want to think about my tits. It's not about this. I like other tits. I like outsourced tits. My wife's.
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So it was possible, maybe, that the Epsilon Beatus aliens, they scour galaxies looking for life, and when they see something that's got life in it, they leave a Black Knight satellite behind as a way of collecting various species onto, into the Galactic Federation as like a bookmark, as a marker. I still think, again, all of this is, there are still like,
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Maybe more interesting ways to explain this, but just like they came and they made them, you know, because I do believe it is a double standard, Marcus. Yeah. I don't believe in the ancient aliens concept. No. But I also don't think that that doesn't necessarily mean that we have not been maybe visited by something.
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Oh, yes. Of course. Because I think that that's what happened. Yeah. Because you'd be surprised if you throw, if you have time.
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what it can do for you yeah right and uh and no laws no laws but also they didn't we there more of those we now know had artisans working on them and a lot of it was more that if you're an artisan your son can be an artisan whether he likes it or not and he's going to show up he's going to be trained in it and he's going to work on it whether he wants to or not because that's his job
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So after a few years, after Duncan Lunan proposed this Black Knight satellite theory, right, that this is the pinion point, like all of this stuff is all coming together for him. He took it all back. believing the community had taken it too far. Because he couldn't get... It's the audience that ruined it. That's what he's saying.
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That's what happens, man. Like Tool. It's the audience that ruined it. They are awful fans. Yeah, no offense.
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No, like, this is... But it was too late. Now we're all ready. The public had been prepared for the possibility of alien life since the UFO sightings started in the 1940s. Maybe now this is where the cover-up is really beginning.
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In 1973, science fiction author and ufologist John McVeigh analyzed the long-delayed echoes and concluded that he thought they were from an alien probe orbiting the moon, which helped to explain why LDEs seem to appear and disappear at random when the probe was behind the moon, no LDEs, and when it was in front of the moon, LDEs come back because it was hiding behind the moon. That makes sense.
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Sound fragments. So John McVeigh and Dr. Ronald Bracewell, they worked together to catalog LDEs and separately confirmed they held coordinates for a star map that led to Epsilon Butis.
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McVeigh wrote a book called Man and the Stars about their work, which allowed amateur ufologists to make more connections, including possibility that the LDE data lined up with Stonehenge and the Great Pyramid of Giza. And that's where I check out. As soon as they're all together hanging out, like Stonehenge and Great Pyramid of Giza, like I do wish they could hang out.
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He drove himself. He lives by himself. Enzo, a dude. Honestly, come work for us. Today's is all about objects in the sky. You know I like my shapes. Some shapes are more distinct than others. You have the jellyfish, which I love. Saucer shapes. Everybody likes to think about cookies and milk. Saucers wobbling on the ground.
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I think they'd like each other. Yeah. Yeah. There's multiple Stonehenges, right? There's Henges. There's Henges, yes. But Stonehenge is the capital of Stonehenge. That's the best one. That's the Bane one. That's the Ariana Grande of them. And we still have no idea how. Yeah, we do. How? Dragon.
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What they would do is literally they would dig them up from the sacred area. They had a special rock that they wanted and they legitimately would take these giant slats of wood and they would lay them out in front of it and they'd drag it along the slats, move the slats in front of the rock, drag it along the slats, move the slats in front of the rock. It just took a very long time.
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And that's your purpose in life. Those are some smooth-ass rocks, too. They would have had to really smooth them out. And they were probably a lot smoother than we see them now. They're not smoother now with the rain? I'd say they are probably more craggy now than they were. Cool. Have you ever been? No. No, I've always wanted to.
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It's like an hour and a half outside of London, and I keep meaning to go, but now it's sad because I believe it's literally because of Ozzy Osbourne. You're not allowed to go near it. Did he piss on that, too? I think he did something like that happen. I forget what kept people from going. You can't go to Stonehenge.
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So now, finally, this whole story brings me back to something that makes me extremely difficult, which is the story behind Philip K. Dick and his visitations from an ancient alien source. Now, this is not going to be the entire Philip K. Dick Vallis series, because I have been reading the exegesis. And it is hard. Yes. It is very hard. He gets very scientific, and he has gone insane.
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So it's a lot of it. He's the world's smartest man. For those of you who don't know, Philip K. Dick, he wrote some of your... Blade Runner, right? He wrote the movie, yes, the book that... The Blade Runner space office. Yeah. Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said. He also wrote Man in the High Castle. Philip K. Dick, probably one of the...
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top auteurs of the american century yeah i love him in 1974 philip k dick received a series of mystical and prophetic visions downloaded into his brain maybe via the black knight satellite which he called valis the vast active living intelligence system PK Day wrote them this download. It's an 800-page novel, this exegesis.
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I just said Philip K. Dick. I said Philip K. Dick. They gave all along. I don't want to tell you. All right? Life comes at you fast. In Dallas, that's in Texas. PKD interpreted much of his visions downloaded by ballast. So he saw a pink laser shooting to the center of his brain and it blew up his whole fucking, it blew him up, right? Like he started understanding time isn't real.
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Named by Kenneth Arnold in the 1940s because of the way they moved on top of the water. He said it was like a saucer on the water. Okay.
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He saw himself in Roman times under like there's an ancient Christian and it literally devastated him and destroyed his life. The, the, He saw this thing. It was a whole Christian iconography he applied to it. The Black Knight satellite revealed to PKD that it had been placed in orbit by these three-eyed, crab-clawed beings from Formelhaut, a star in the Pisces constellation.
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And that's where the Jesus connection comes from. It's this idea that the Pisces constellation, the fish, is what was the... Spirit God inside of Jesus Christ came from. The alien that inhabited Jesus Christ came from the Pisces constellation. Okay. That's why he gave away all the fish. Oh, he couldn't sell it.
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So PKD believed Soviet scientists were, they were going to try to reveal Vallis' secrets. He was obviously very, very paranoid. PKD said his download from Vallis began his visions of St. Elmo's fire, which is like a pink, he said it's like a plasma ray. He said he described it to an abstract of Vassily Kandinsky. You know what those are?
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Yeah, look them up. Show them, Eddie. Show Eddie.
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It's his stuff. Looks like this. That's just shot into his brain. Oh, okay, cool. All these blobs shot into his brain.
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We all do. That's all very cool. I wish it was real. I mean, it's art. That's cool. So Peaky Day, he came to all, well, you call these aliens, much how John Kill called them the Watchers, and many people have talked about the Watchers, he called them the Builders. He thought Valis was a benign entity and the protector that helped him in his remaining years.
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And one day after the download, Peaky Day was singing along to the Beatles' Strawberry Fields Forever, and Valis changed the lyrics in his brain into a warning. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.
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And was that true? Yes. PKD rushed his son to the hospital. And it was true. Furthermore, this is one of those weird things that was true. You don't know whether or not, do we know more things in our unconscious than in our conscience?
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Like, are there things that we can know without, like, without woo-wee-woo stuff, but can you maybe be noticing things about your son that you are not consciously processing? But somewhere back here you're processing, and then all of a sudden it's like a eureka moment when the unconscious touches the conscious. Who knows? Yeah. Or is it a robot from space or simply following your gut? Exactly.
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Yeah. Yeah. That's the idea. Like, what is the gut? What is the gut? Yeah. Well, that's kind of what we're saying is like survival instincts. But there are some people that really do believe and it was an ancient psychology. And now now like this concept of like people, you'll still talk about this. I don't know. There are people that are walking around. They don't have a voice in their head.
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No internal monologue. There are some people that still believe in kind of idea of like, where does the internal monologue come from? Who is that? Who do we talk to? Who is the observer? It's just thinking. But what is thinking? If you're talking, what is thinking, Eddie? I mean, you're just rationalizing shit in your head, trying to figure out the problem.
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And they wiggle like this. Sometimes they're S-shaped. Sometimes they're pogo-shaped. Sometimes they're shaped like orbs. And sometimes they're shaped like your mama's panties. Triangle. Exactly. Very large coverage. The Black Knight satellite is something distinctly different. It looks solid. Scary. Looks like a Batman vehicle. Right? In the sky. That's what's awesome about it.
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gone yeah another montauk boy and i was just thinking about the idea of like but it's also like in new york so how do you avoid the den den den den den den den den den den from all of our neighbors What are you talking about?
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You'd be surprised how strange PKD is if you actually read it. It's like not straight up and down sci-fi at all. It's very, very weird. Or The Man in the High Castle. It's got Nazis. The Man in the High Castle is wonderful. It's an alternative history about if the Nazis won.
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Let me tell you. It's not good. No, the... The most recent evidence of a Black Knight satellite. So for those of you that want to go read Radio Free Albemuth, The Divine Invasion, The Transmigration of Timothy Archer and Valis. That is the Valis series. It all talks about Valis is a very touching, scary book about a man you're watching.
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Essentially, it's a hidden autobiography and you're watching Philip K. Dick.
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wrestle with this thing of like am i crazy or is this real and he's the smartest man in the world and he is tortured by this he's too creative for his own good and he died of a brain aneurysm not too shortly after this yeah i mean there was a you know he would sometimes correct me if i'm wrong here but i like he claimed that like man in the high castle was he actually traveled
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Yeah, he did a whole like he believed in this emotional truth. He started to really believe that every one of his books were from a real alternative future. Sounds like he's like the only guy who can remember his dreams. He really had lost his mind. He's just also great. Philip K. Dick is what an amazing character. He's fucking he was a big dude, too. He's a fucking huge man.
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Now, the most recent evidence of the Black Knight satellite is a photo. We now know it's from the ISS, 1998. The NASA STS-88 mission had the Space Shuttle Endeavor transporting modules for construction of the ISS, and one of the astronauts snapped a photo of the Black Knight satellite. So this is what I'm asking for. This is what it was.
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That's what that picture was that you see. That's what that exact picture is? Yes. Okay, cool. However, now we're getting to the bummer section. There are a number of skeptics who claim that the Black Knight satellite photo is actually just a photo of a blanket. Space trash. Officially, NASA says the object is space junk. Space junk number 025570.
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And that actually it burned up in the atmosphere a few days after the picture was taken. The thermal blankets were used to cover the trunnion pins on the modules and won't happen to float into space. Allegedly. During spacewalk. astronaut commander Robert Cabana, who even reported saying, Jerry, one of them dumb comers got away from you, my friend.
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Or NASA engineer James Oberg and cosmonaut Sergei Krikalov also claimed the Black Knight satellite photo is just a photo of a lost thermal blanket, which looks like an alien object because there's no gravity in space and something like a blanket will maintain its shape. If you look at also there's a bunch of AI breakdowns where they try to say, look, it's solid.
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Oh, you can see, but it could maybe very well be a blanket. I don't know. I can see why people would think it's a blanket because of the ruffles and stuff. Oh, yes. Because there's a lot of stuff. Most people believe the testimony from the astronauts saying that it's part of a cover-up, maybe.
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NASA removed the photo of the thermal blanket from their official website, leading to even more cover-up speculation. They dumped it in the trash. I mean, just keep it up there. No, but that's the thing. They have to go and make it extra mysterious by deleting it. And it turns out there's... You know what's fucked up, though, which is true. There's a lot of trash in space. Tons of trash in space.
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There's a lot of trash. A lot of trash.
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Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And some of it's left up there. Most of it burns up in the atmosphere. Some of it crashes into the ocean. In 2006, a spatula... was lost during the space shuttle Discovery's mission to the International Space Station. In 2008, astronaut Heidi Steffenstern-Piper, like a single spatula.
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That's fun to do. This astronaut lost her grip on a tool bag during a spacewalk and was repairing jammed gear for a solar panel. The bag weighed 30 pounds and had $100,000 worth of space-ready tools. It could still be seen on radar. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, which is pretty funny.
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Now, what is the Black Knight satellite, you ask? Good thing you asked. 13,000 years ago, an advanced alien civilization left a probe in Earth's orbit to keep an eye on the social hairless apes that had recently evolved into an organized group capable of molding the environment to their will. So this is like pre-NOAA. Definitely.
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That's some good-ass money, dude. I always think about that meteorite. I can't believe that movie wasn't made. That's going to crash somewhere. It's like a meteorite made out of $12 billion worth of gold. Yeah. We don't know where that is. In 2007, a 1,400-pound tank of ammonia was thrown overboard from the ISS because NASA said they needed to free up room on the shuttle's return trip to Earth.
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It was in orbit for a year before it burned up in the atmosphere. NASA developed urine recycling systems. They used to just dump their pee. Why not? I actually think I missed that.
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Classified documents were unsealed regarding U.S. spy satellite program Corona. Interesting name. which operated from 1959 to 1972. The spy satellites would take photos over the Soviet Union, then dump the film back to Earth by parachute. There were at least 23 Corona spy satellites in medium Earth orbit, between 600 and 1,000 miles above Earth.
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So it is quite possible that a lot of these unknown objects that were spotted during that time period were our own secret U.S. spy satellites.
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Think about what we just dealt with, with the balloons. Yeah. The Chinese spy balloons. We had to deal with all of this where we had to make a big deal, be like, oh, I can't believe they're spying on us when we've been doing, we're watching them from space. Of course they're spying on us.
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It's already gone. It's gone. It's gone. It's over. It's because it probably was an AI piloted drone program.
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I'm just used to being ignored because mystery is important, Eddie. Sometimes it's all about answering the questions because not every question has an answer. Some questions are just there to... postulate. Why was the airport shut down? That's a good question. It's very scary, Eddie. None of us will know. But the Black Knight satellite mystery remains.
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In March of 2017, the Daily Mail published an article that claimed as reported by Secure Team 10 YouTube's channel. the Black Knight satellite was shot down by the elite Illuminati UFO hunters. So good night, Black Knight satellite, and thank you for your service. So I think anything that makes people look to the sky is fun.
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And I think that, yes, obviously this can be very easily debunked and torn apart, but there's still something about the mystery of space. It's why... We do this. It is as mysterious as the bottom of the ocean. We don't know what's going on. That's why we got all the Cthulhu stuff and Kraken and all that kind of stuff. It's the same thing as up there.
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And until one day we master space, which we will never. No. No. Impossible. The mysteries will continue.
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But I do want to do, I do want to one day have proper, I want to do something where we make Tesla look cool again.
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Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Before the flood, before I got wet. Now the probe, this probe could record events and communicate updates to the booties constellation.
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shit on and shit on and shit on forever like it's now like forever ruined he's just like what he sees like what's happening now he's just like oh what the living fucking hell no one thought i thought we were gonna be talking to angels like tesla thought he was talking to angels So, you know, but I am right now. I'm talking to two angels.
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Eddie and Marcus, thank you for letting me lead this episode.
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I want to thank Joel McKean, our head researcher. He helped me write this whole fucking thing. I needed it, obviously. And, you know, again, just helping people ask questions.
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And for those of you that are single out there, it helps you flirt. Yeah. This is the kind of stuff you've got to flirt with at Contact. I think that's advice for the ladies, not for the men. The men need men. Can women arrive?
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We need to get some more ladies in there. Come check it out. Patreon.com. We're back from Contact. We have so much extra footage there. You can pay to watch us yell and scream and pay to watch us live on Patreon Tuesdays at 6 p.m. It is our last stream on the left. We have a lot of fucking fun.
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It's either booties or boots. 103 million light years away. And that probe could very well be the Black Knight satellite. Or it's a blanket. Could be either one. 50-50. That's what I think. I think the odds are straight down the middle. Now, what kind of blanket? Black. No, this story is... Space blanket.
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Oh, yeah. Then come to Crime Wave at Sea slash last. We got a lot going on, don't we?
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Goon. Because I cannot. Goodbye. Hail Gooning.
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And hail Philip K. Dick. Yeah, it's my boy! P.K.D. Fuck at it.
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Now, there are some people that don't know what this is. The reason why it's floating up in the sky. So this was seen at first by the modern audience in 1998. Now, this is viewed as a piece of space junk. At first, when this came out, there was this picture. It's labeled STS-088-724-66 in the NASA archives. When you look at it, it's cool looking.
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It's this picture of, here they kind of added like a blur to it to make it look more UFO-y. But if you actually look at the picture, it's pretty fucking dope because it looks like this weird, mysterious speck right above our pale blue dot. And you could see why when people first saw it when it was published in 1998, everyone was like, what the fuck? There's something in the sky.
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Yeah, and faith. And this is because it seemed interesting. This is one of those things. Why UFOs were the gasoline behind the Internet? Because people were like all the OG boards. Most of them were ufology boards. So when 1998, when this hit the Internet, it was like deepened in the conspiracy realm. And there were several other pictures of it.
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If you believe people that have been who've made the Black Knight satellite their entire lives. Now, the reason why it was so interesting was because it corroborated with these old ideas of people seeing things in the sky and getting messages from things in the sky over a long time ago. Now, the first thing was seen in 1953.
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Dr. Lincoln LaPaz of the University of New Mexico discovered an unknown satellite orbiting Earth. LaPaz reported a discovery to the U.S. Department of Defense, who contacted Dr. Clyde Tombaugh. Now, it's important to note, now, Dr. Clyde Tombaugh, big guy in space industry, he's Pluto's agent. He discovered Pluto. Okay.
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So Pluto obviously had put on a, I believe it was a bringer show, and did show, like, he kind of went there, because that's big, you guys don't know, in the space entertainment industry, what a planet has to do is, first of all, be willing to do nudity. Exactly. And then you have to put on, obviously, dramatic monologue, comedic monologue, dance song. Yeah. And she did all of it. Pluto's a woman.
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Yep. Pluto's a fucking woman. First of all, fuck you. Yep. Yeah. Pluto's a lady. And that's Dr. Clyde right there. Dr. Clyde had the wherewithal. When he saw Pluto's huge tits, he knew Pluto was going to make it real far in the solar system.
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Don't know. Don't know. All we know is that Pluto is not good enough anymore. It's been cut. Really? But Dr. Clyde, he knew Dr. Clyde was the first person they called, right? Because, again, who knows the space industry better than him? Ain't nobody, right? Except for Dr. Jupiter.
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Tombaugh confirmed the existence of the unknown satellite, but his findings were never officially released to the public. Too intense for everyone. And it's like the late 50s. Yes, this is the mid-50s. The Army Office of Ordnance Research investigated the claims of La Paz and Tombaugh, but declared the unknown satellites, quote-unquote, did not exist.
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And that's the beginning of the government cover-up. November of 1954 in Chicago, radio DJ Jim Mills and his guest, ufologist John Otto, they attempted to then contact these rumored unidentified satellites orbiting the Earth, believing that they could get a response. Is your refrigerator running? Yes.
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That's my family. That's my family lineage. And you can't come at me today because today I'm in charge.
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At 11.25 p.m., Mills shut off the microphones in the studio for 15 seconds. You want to hold for 15 seconds to see how long that is? Extremely long time to have dead air.
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And when Mills and Otto came back on the air, the switchboard lit up with calls from listeners all saying that they had heard the aliens reply. In what way would you guess, Eddie?
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I am getting corrected in my own episode. Jingle bells.
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So, you know, with people, one of the two of the people that called to say, hey, we heard the jingle bells, the original Doublemint twins. Oh, both of them called? Yeah, because they actually survived the experiments of Mengele. Which I thought was amazing.
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I guess that's why they got chosen is that he would put, you know, obviously he'd slice them in half and then have one eat spearmint and have the other eat berry and see if the one could taste the other in their asshole. Yeah. And also, they were just regular sisters, Marie and Mildred Meyer, who had recorded the alien message, apparently.
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The story brought the attention of the CIA's Office of Scientific Investigations, who interviewed the Meyer sisters and confiscated their recording. Later, the CIA claimed the recording was just Morse code from a nearby radio outpost and destroyed the evidence. What about the sleigh bells, though?
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gone what was in the morse code message something about how oh you better not be jewish or santa's not coming to your house
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This is another one of those, like, if we were to open the top of any one of these intelligence offices, they always have, like, mini groups. Think about what OSAP was, what AATIP was, all of these things with inside. That's how they keep you from understanding what all the other different parts are doing. Yeah, because AATIP's a part of the NSA, right? No, technically it's Pentagon.
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So they're DOD. DOD, okay. So DOD's got its whole old realm of shit. NSA's got its whole realm of shit. CIA's got a whole realm of shit. Each one, again, some of the best co-workers I've ever had. Truly some of the most bright, fair, and diverse group of people. I hear you. Now, this next one is where you could see. So in 1957, the Soviet Union launched Earth's first official satellite.
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This is just three years later. Sputnik. And followed up with Sputnik 2, which was honestly great. A lot more nudity. And then right behind it, trailing behind Sputnik 2, was Laika. The dog! The dog, yeah. So, like, yeah, and they swore, they totally believed, and they said that they thought that Laika, they did a whole thing about how that's where the barking was coming from.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
But I also had the power of the assistant principal, who was on my side. And then we would get together, he would pull me from class so that we could coordinate because we always would do a big lip sync. The popular dudes and the assistant principal would do a lip sync at the end of the talent show.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And so we'd always do like we did NSYNC. We did Full Monty, which is actually now I realize that's weird. We did Backstreet Boys. Yeah. Full Monty was very popular back then. Oh, yeah. But then like but I danced the Full Monty stripping dance with my assistant principal. Oh, interesting. Yeah. We took our pants off. Seems illegal. You know, we did it.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Well, that's the big thing.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
difference is that her book a mother's reckoning came out in 2016 we did our episodes in 2015 so it was before that included dialogue yeah i also partially think the reason why people just get upset across the board because this is an extremely touchy subject yes yeah kids kids killing kids makes nobody look super happy no um it's again not a blast not a lot of joke about um
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
But the I think a lot of people then obviously attach super hyper emotional issues to this. Yeah. And I also think that there are people that want. Unfortunately, this is my pushback. They want the nerds being pushed to the edge publicly.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
narrative to be real they want that to be real I think a part of the reason why people are mad about the Dave Cullen thing it's just more that Dave Cullen pushed it all the way to the other side and it wasn't until A Mother's Reckoning came out that we really saw her deep dive into her son's own journals that showed that Dylan Klebold was a lot more of an active member of the two than it was kind of shown in the beginning
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It's not a huge thing. I'm just saying why people have the emotional reaction. You need a reason.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
They want a reason.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, but that's the, yeah, Eric was a piece of shit. Yeah, Eric was a fucking asshole.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I will not take that off the plate. He was an asshole dickhead that technically, I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad they're both fucking dead. But the thing is, Dick, they did not receive any more bullying than anybody else that was a standard fringe member of high school society.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, because he floated it around. He was basically trying to see if there was somebody else who would bite to help him because Eric Harris was a pussy and he didn't want to do it alone. I do think that that's a big thing. He didn't want to do it alone. You wanted he wanted his own self-fashioned assistant.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Well, there had been a lot of... We've had a lot of mass shootings across the history of America. Yeah, but not like this.
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Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
We saw those kids being kids and kids saying fucked up shit, and they didn't, like, on one hand, they're trying to, their hands are in that way tied because it's like, Now they come down on you like a pile of bricks. But back in the day, it was way more like, you know, like they weren't trying to over-police the kids. They were trying to like, you know, let kids be kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Also, no money, which we discover is a pattern with police. They never really want to get involved in a family as much as they can because of how complicated it is and how much like everybody has to go to court now and no one wants to deal with it. Right. Well, that's also where the most incidents occur is in domestic situations. Yes. And that they and a lot of times, what do they do?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
They're like, you must press charges. We have to separate you. We have to. So it's either like it either goes to there's no like four out of 10 on domestic violence. It has to either go like 10 out of 10. We're taking one of you out of the situation, taking you to jail or we're like. leaving. We're just going to be like, alright, bye. And so there's nothing they can do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And so something like this, our mistake really was painting or just fully like this idea that Dylan Klebold was just some coasting person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I think that we view, especially as younger men... I know I certainly did. Yeah, and as younger men, I feel like it was more like you could see more of this, but as I get older, the more I separate from that and understand that homicidal actions...
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
change everything yeah you know like of course but it's it's really like that point of it being like everybody gets bullied everybody gets treated like shit i don't know i don't know anybody who wasn't i know the people that weren't bullied then just got like to be frank ugly everything just like grew up into some like they were like anybody who was hot middle school became fucking gross piece of shit later on like they all turned into just facebook blobs
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
later on down the line and so but for me i look at this and you're i i think at the time i thought that that made more sense and now it does not make sense to me now i look at him be like he must have had like you it takes two yeah it does and and my understanding of things like at 41 is so much larger than i know how much more i had 31 also i know how much more i don't understand
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, that was the whole... He was pushing it to the other side.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I think it was more so that he was an aggressive loser, like in the aggressive loser category in school. But still, girls were just saying the words that they thought he was cute. Yeah, because he was kind of a traditional, especially if you are. If you're an elder millennial, there was a style during this time period, like 1999.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I remember because it was like right after I moved from New York to Florida and New York, we were all still like in 1989. You know what I mean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yes. Leather jackets and shit. You know, I had my starter jacket, my Looney Tunes, dresses, rappers. I mean, we all had that. Yeah, we had that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
But then that kind of changed when all of a sudden I moved to Florida and it was like that Abercrombie and Fitch style. Pac-Son. All that stuff just took over. Janko jeans. Everybody. FUBU. And Eric Harris was like a really good example of the style of dude that every girl was kind of talking about at the time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
As far as I was concerned, it was just like thin, spiky blonde hair, like kind of like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
looks kind of like the bully from kind of a dog yeah yeah yeah like kind of a prick like people i mean i hate to say it girl like everybody at the time thought a prick was like super sexy yeah i don't know maybe i'm crazy maybe i'm wrong it was a rough time 1999 to like 2005 it's like a rough time psychologically to be a young man in society It was intense. We were taught all the wrong shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yes, yes, we were. And so Eric Harris, I think, was a just a full example of that. And that it was just more that Dylan Klebold was extremely ugly. Yeah. And Eric Harris was just kind of vaguely normal looking. And so some girls just said that he was cute. And that's where that's what he took off running with that. And then also Cullen kind of portrayed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
The Klebold and Harris family is a little bit richer. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Oh, of course. My parents live in a part of Florida that when we were struggling in New York, we then moved to Florida. And then we moved to a nice neighborhood in Florida because we could afford it versus our bad neighborhood in New York. But we were then weirdly poor. Not like the poor people in a very rich neighborhood. Yeah, exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Because that was one of those sleeper Florida neighborhoods where it was filled with extremely rich people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
They're magical. We know, Mike.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Why aren't we covering that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
We did, too. Yeah, they all came onto the school. I don't know why. Yeah, they were all. No, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
My play was canceled. My play. I had spent months. My schoolwork suffered. And you know how important I took my schoolwork.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Columbine's really fucking up my score. Yeah, yeah, I'm traumatized, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My school's population was, like, your football game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
No plan. I used to just improv in front of 1,000 people. That's awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, and then you see the teacher saying a piece of weed. He's been like, these kids all get to go to school at 17. I'm sitting down in the swamps of Dunang.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Oh, of course. Oh, you think homework's bad? No. You've ever stepped in a hole and had a bamboo shoot shoot through your foot while your buddy's getting his dick bit off?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It is so much worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
like this guy like everyone's war does to him you just see like his eyes go blank and you hear like as he's like watching like jungles burn no this guy is this is the end
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Oh, no, no. Believe me, the culture wars we're in are going to be no different. The culture wars what? That we're in right now? We're all just veterans of the culture war, friend. We are. You and me, Eddie. This is just, we're front lines, green berets in the culture war. It's my Vietnam.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Tumblr and all of that, the idea, that's when we went full, like, digital hive mind. That was like when it was really starting to happen, when we were really starting to see the secret thoughts that probably should have kept secret or kept niche. You know what I mean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
The idea of serial killer group release is not, it's not a new phenomenon, but it is, it got definitely super powered by the internet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Shot up the movie theater. Heath Ledger's performance was so powerful in The Dark Knight, it launched a world of douchebags.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
That's wild to think just how good of an actor he, he probably would have to now like apologize for the Joker, which is really sad. He would probably have to go and be like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make everybody mad or crazy and talk about chaos and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I hope so. He fucking worked, did hard work on Joker. It was the best, the best comic book movie ever. And I'm not updating that. I don't care what anybody says. People try to tell me that the Dark Knight's not the best comic book movie ever. You will not take that from me. I like dark superheroes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I threw a bottle cap at him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I liked it. I'm still traumatized about this play that was canceled. I am still traumatized even thinking about the assault on Arthur. You should bring this Woody Allen play back. I think that's the key.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Because you know what really no one's talking about here is how does Woody Allen come back? Yeah. How does he come back? Because think about how he felt after Columbine. He loves Kent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
But his music didn't drive violence. The man himself is a bad man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Giant platform shoe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the white contact, the black contact. He's the only guy since Lewis Carroll to get fat on absinthe. He drinks so much absinthe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I love KMFDM. Do you think I'd like them?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Okay, yeah. I want to get in my industrial phase.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, Colorado's had a lot of crazy shootings. Oh, yeah, but isn't that the place where you just have to do the alphabet backwards? Isn't it one of those, like, how do you get a gun there by basically naming your favorite Sesame Street character, and if it's right, you get it, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, I mean, Snuffleupagus, I still, we were talking about how if Big Bird died in The Challenger, Snuffleupagus would probably have more of a place in pop culture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I don't know. I don't know. Cancel culture. Ask John Hinckley Jr. Do you see his dates getting killed everywhere? Cancel culture. Doing it to him. Can you believe? He's doing fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
According to a CNN article... She scanned her own handwritten journals?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I got fast one fingers. You really type? No, but I don't do full official good typing, but I mostly use these two fingers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I use my wife fingers. Your wife fingers? I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Thank God she doesn't have serious. Yeah, she... If you do download the Sirius app and you're hearing this, my beautiful wife Natalie, I love you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Nothing's been the same since that play got canceled. Nothing's been the same.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Send an Instacart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
He's also been researching Cannes for six weeks. And I feel like that also helps that he's been mentally in 1978. 1968 to 1974. I don't care. I do care. I care.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Maybe it was Bill Wilkins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
You don't get the illustrations. I understand. I remember, I read the Kurt Cobain diary book. Yeah. That was horrible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Let's just not do this here. We can't. Not right now. He's allowed to do whatever he says.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
They're much better. I like them a lot more than I like Nirvana. That's an opinion that takes true maturity.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
After that, it's not very good. They're unplugged. I like more than Nirvana's unplugged. He's got a beautiful voice. And even though he was barely functional during that unplugged thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
We've really finally hit 1999. I think that it's important for you guys to know as listeners, we've just taken you back to what it was like to be there in 1999. Yeah, exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I hate drama queens. It's like, just, if you're going to kill me, do it. Yeah. Don't make a Facebook post. Yeah. Just shoot me in the head. If that's what we've got to do, I don't need to hear all your fucking, your vamping.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Come on, just get it over with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I don't give a fuck about your super fucking ass. This is the fucking real shit straight from the dome of a bunch of dudes that need blood thinners.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
big truck big truck yeah it's like written by a four-year-old this woman thought that it was so this was her catcher in the ride big truck big truck that's the whole song it's great it is
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Jackie and I went to go see Billy Joel at MSG. I also loved it. You remember when we went to see Bob Seger and we all sat? Oh, my God. That was my favorite. That was amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It's actually really sad in a way that she committed suicide, but also I'm glad she did that instead of killing other people. Yes. Did she kill herself with a shotgun? Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Fucking crazy. Same thing with, did you research about how Cagney Lynn Carter, the porn actress also, she did the same thing. Damn. Yeah, shotgun in the mouth. Not good. Jeez. Isn't it a bummer?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Cagney Lynn Carter? Yeah, I was a fan. Kurt Cobain. Here we go. Full circle. I was a fan. I liked her work. She seemed like a nice lady.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
She just seems like it was sad. It seems like porn is horrible. It's like porn and wrestling. It's tough business. Yeah, it does bad things to people's brains.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
That's why I liked her. Not necessarily. No, she's blonde.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
When I worked at the Village Warehouse. I don't think she looks like Casey Anthony.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Eh. I don't think she looks like Casey. Well, that's with her with brown hair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I wish I was different. You know how many times I've said that exact yelling statement? I wish I wasn't this man sometimes too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I'm getting ready to talk, because this is going to be a serious one of these, right? Is this serious today?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I wish I was something else. But you know what? That's what's putting food on the table, brother. It is. You're right. That fucking dark little being of yours. All the torment you put yourself through every single day, even in your dreams. You are a podcaster. And yeah, that might not sound like much of a title to a lot of people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
it really doesn't especially the hvac guy that asked me today what i did for a living and i told him and he didn't know what it was but you know what for people that do know they like that i by the way i got a good hvac guy for you oh yeah good great yeah no i need a guy who knows how to suck you can't trust those guys yeah he's anti-hvac but i abstract people but i know they're very helpful but you know i've caught him i've caught him napping before he's doing
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
This entire episode needs to be called like an elder millennials event. You know what I mean? Like us just discussing things. Yeah. Time period.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like- Was a fan. Yeah. It's not like we look back- On Columbine, and now we're like, actually, it's pretty funny. It was bad. It was more so like understanding that Dave Cullen's book, to wrap it all up, Dave Cullen's book was not the be-all, end-all source. No. We used it at the time because we didn't really understand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
But now that we have other views in, I still don't think it's bad. that much different it's not but I do want to acknowledge that like yes like I we understand that Dave Cullen's book had a firm perspective and we just kind of went with the perspective we're like nothing is as simple as anything wants anybody wants it to be everybody wants a simple explanation yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I'm not happy about Columbine Henry Zebrowski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I, you know, it's important that I... When we do our research on Last Podcast and The Left, we really do consider many views on the subject. We try to get a stereo version as much as we can. But it's also, we are using sources. And so every source, no matter what you do, You're not going to escape bias. It's not going to happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
But knowing now, as older people who've been doing this longer, like, the way to do it is to put three conflating and literally conflicting views together and see where they line up. And then also, what do you know about humanity? Which is why it's important for me. That's why, you know, when I get my diamonds delivered, I go out to the guy to the car.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Thank you. First of all. First of all, it's just nice to set the tone up top. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I don't want him to have to walk all the way through the security gates and the moat when he gets to my house. Yeah, I go out to him because like I want him to see the guy who's getting the Rolex jockstrap. I want him to see that guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And no proper mental health infrastructure. There's no wherefore. There's no... Like, America has just gotten a little crazy, and we got no place to go if you are a dangerous person, but you have yet to commit a crime, but you know you're kind of on a way to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Like, you know, like, there's no way to sort of, like, track and flag when someone's been talking about this behavior, even though there's probably many ways we could do it. You know, like, we just saw it happen with that Ethan Crumbly thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
with the two parents that essentially they both were the first time ever you had a mom that got convicted of manslaughter for like helping the kid, basically buying the gun for the kid that went and shot up a bunch of people. Yeah. Like I, it's, we're just in a weird place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And the reason why we blame the internet is just because the human brain just seems like it's not supposed to handle this many points of view at once. And it drives people crazy. There's also no media literacy. Nobody knows how to fucking read a newspaper or,
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
or understand that the internet, your algorithm is only built to your specifications, so they think that the computer's talking directly to them, and it's saying the truth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
The massacre. The massacre. The shooting. Not the city. The town's fine. I don't know. I've never been to the town.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It has to kind of stop for a while. You know what I mean? Like, in order for us to look back on it, it has to kind of—we need a break. And then we can look back on all the data.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, Randy. Yeah. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, because they know how to get out of it. They're addicted to it. They're literally addicted to it. But hopefully we're getting there and then, you know, even though the sun is conscious, we know for a fact that the sun can think. Right? I've been seeing this around so many fucking places now. Fucking just send the sun flare. Let's just do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yes, you taught me this the other day. And I was just as fascinated then. As I am today. Now, I will say we covered. This is our update of our Columbine coverage from almost a decade ago.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It might hurt the podcast for a while, but guess what? We're going to take the podcast on the road and do it with megaphones live everywhere across this country. So guess what? It might help.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
See you on all of the things. TikTok LP on the left. After we've just talked about that. Yeah, sure. Go on social media. Go patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to see the main hub show on in video version. You can see your bodies flapping around. And we are also doing a live show that is not just the podcast. Go to last podcast on the left dot com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
We're going to various North American cities, including Denver. And various Australian cities. Go check out the JKUltra tour. It's going to be good. Yeah. Or it better be at least.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Hail Alice in Chains. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Thank you for enjoying the last update on the left. You can find other shows that you'll enjoy from the last podcast network on last podcast on the left dot com. See you there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
What was really important about what we do, what we do here as an organization is we stop crime before it begins. Yes, and that's why, as you've noticed, yeah, the incredible decline in mass shootings across this country ever since we put out our episodes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
But we did get some things incorrect, which is why we've decided to update those episodes. So, number one, you want to go back and listen to what we talked about back there. It might help. Yeah. Because I don't know if we need to recap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
No, literally, everyone's just like, I'm going home.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I'm going home. And so we now know that it was Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold. I don't think we need to go through all of the various details that we covered from back in the day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And the time when we when I read the book, like I was so I'm a mind blown because I had heard the original sort of pitch about Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. And we all sort of internalized it as a country because we were forced to the idea that these were two misunderstood goth kids that were bullied and pushed to the point of murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And then when Dave Collins book came out, that refuted that in a way that I we all thought was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
was really closer to the truth, which it does prove to still be closer to the truth, which is the idea that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were aggressors and were kids that... Yeah, sure, they were bullied, but they were also bullies into themselves, and that Eric Harris was a little bit more of a ladies' man, which is one of the corrections that we're going to get into because that's not real, but like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Certain things was like it pushed the spectrum to the other side where it wasn't just a bunch of like nerds that got pushed too far. And then it was the thing about bullying and then also still kind of created an anti-nerd movement across the country. Anti-goth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Well, let's go back and revisit some stuff. Well, I want to revisit a ninth grade Henry Sprowski. And then we'll get to the goths. One of the truly, honestly, one of the worst repercussions of Columbine, besides the death... And this wave of anti-Gothic is that the play I was in in the ninth grade was canceled, the one that I was in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It was a play by, which is like also interesting, by the very talented Woody Allen called Don't Drink the Water, which is a play that we did at the time. And very appropriate. We the play was canceled because there was a gunshot and a bomb in it. And it came it was coming up that summer, the same summer as what happened when Columbine happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And a little truth teller by the name of Henry Zebrowski, a little too real for high school, was interviewed publicly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
That's Jackie. That's my sister. That's Jackie. I was the president. I got to be president of the drama club. You cannot do that while being inarticulate. You were president freshman year? No, I was already being scouted. No, so he was not president at the time. They already knew. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
They got pushed right to the front. So this is like, so there's a lot of talk about here. So it was canceled. And then they decided to talk to me. So this is the quote from the actual, from the reporter, Brian Gilmer, who I don't remember, from back in the day. So this is what Henry Zebrowski said. We see basically why they did it. I'm angry still.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I poured a lot of work into the play and some of my grades suffered. It was just important to all of us. Yes, they all watched and I stood forward, they said. And then Henry Zebrowski then said the administration knew that they might be taking it too far. But they said it might be better to take it too far.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And so, yeah, not only was I a warrior for the first, not only was I a warrior for free speech, but also I reached across the aisle in a John McCain way. So even as a ninth grader, I was a maverick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
We basically see why they did it. I'm angry still. I put a lot of work into the play and some of my grades suffered. It was just important to all of us. See, I am the source. So you see now you really got to see what happens in media. Now, this is all this entire little play act that these two did because they weren't actually making fun of me. This was a play act.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
to talk about the subjective nature of information and how it's represented by the media and how they, and you really have to work really hard on it. You see, again, it's about how, but then when you hear me, right? Imagine American flag behind me, Norma Ray wasn't wearing a bra standing on top of the table going union union. All everybody was like, that's when they were asking me to unionize.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And I said, no dictatorship.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And then I came forward and they all chose me. There were seniors in that play that could have been talking to the I just think your drama teacher wanted to go to Nassau that summer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
No, Mrs. Webster is quoted in the article talking about how she fought for us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
She we got it was we had a strange relationship.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
We had a strange relationship. She didn't like that you were so outgoing and cursed occasionally? Well, the thing was is that much like an aforementioned, let's just say the former president of the United States, I was so popular I was inevitable. And so the problem was that they could not stop me. They couldn't stop the train from going.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
No, I'm just saying. What strange... It's exactly the reason why traditional media doesn't want to let me inside of its halls. Because what they're afraid of is that I will then change everything from the inside out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Sometimes the student becomes the master. She hated you. Because you were full of yourself. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, we were fine. Okay. But it was weird. It's like not interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It's hard to describe what our relationship was like because towards my senior year, because when I was president of the drama club and then became like it did sort of feel like I was building sort of a little regime around me. Yeah. You know, and I think that people are getting angry. I remember I took over the talent show and then, you know, my tastes. have not changed all that much. Right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
13?
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
Yeah, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
He was just coasting. He's got confidence. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
You're going to go to a freak-off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
You're allowed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
So he does have... Yeah, I'm ready to fight. It's one of my favorite days. They let me out of the prison, and it's just nice to do it. And I have so many different ideas for home renovations. Number one father in the room.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
Oh, now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
You wait till the random Boston Dynamics dog's eyes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
From the boogie-down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish-Italian java, last podcast on the left, and Spring Hill Jack coffee rising from the rubble with a new brew. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Nothing to do with any moth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a Butterfly Dude. Don't mind the blue eyes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now my butt's touching something. Oh, God, I'm sitting so hard right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Like Henry said, they're in heaven right now. Busy. They're busy, which is a very Mormon thing. Yeah. If you're in, if you're, you can't never be, it's not like heaven's for relaxing. No. Heaven's just a work release program. You go up to heaven and work because remember in the Mormon world too, and specifically in the Chad Daybell world, there's no such thing as death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You just move into another place. And there's ghosts all around us that are both sometimes physical, sometimes not. There's demons, ghosts, there's helpers, angels, disembodied spirits, non-bodied spirits. And then they all live and hang out, having a great time. So, yeah. Like, yeah, they didn't kill their children. They sent their children to college in space. Yeah. So huge for them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's the idea is that they are, that's how they slowly massage the extremism in, especially because Mormonism as a whole looks all innocent and it looks all silly and goofy until you pop the top and then you realize you're all fucking insane. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He is the least charismatic human to ever exist. If I'm ever in the same room as Chad Daybell, I'm going to punch him in his fourth chin so hard. I hate that Winnie the Pooh motherfucker so much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's also what they take to be rock star behavior. In Mormon communities, which I've noticed, as we'll get to, this is a very deeper story. This isn't even a deeper story. It's that the Mormons, the Mormon people like somebody that's humble. Yes. They like a sickly prophet. They love going into and just hearing a man warble in a high, tremulous voice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And he's a, they are, because if you listen to them talk, it's a very specific style. They even talk about it in some great podcasts I was listening to. They call it GA speech, which they are one of their big topics. What was the podcast? Yeah, it was called Mormon Stories. They're great. They're very dry, very good. And they talked about, like, it's called G.A. Voice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
So Mormons love somebody who takes a long, plodding, thoughtful, soft, kill me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
cute yeah better than tot mom yeah i remember yeah tot mom was the worst yeah yeah doomsday mom's fun yeah and like i knew yeah that's the nancy grace part of it being like when we get down to the final days it will be between me and laurie valo in a two-time two-time fall competition i can't wait to see nancy in there
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But this is, it's not, her whole family, next episode, that's when we get to Lori Vallow. Yes. They've been prepping, they prepped her with the prep sauce from the very beginning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
See, I don't know how to do that, like, on a table, because they do work the back legs, and I do wish that they'd manhandle my flaps more. Yeah. But the problem is that I feel like the more I ask, they say go, like, north.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And I would like to thank, like, the research done at Hidden True Crime and Mormon Stories Podcast have so, there is, like, if you want content, if you like a fucking hole to go down, like I do, this is where you go. If you want to find the Chad Daybell, Lori Vallow, sweet marrow, it is within these podcasts, and it is long. Like, each one is, like, six hours long. There's so much information.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You meet a lot of Lori's family. There's a lot to learn here, and there's a lot to unpack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And secret layers. Then you get to the secret layers. Then you get to the code words. Then you get to the stuff that doesn't mean what they say it means. Like, it's a very mysterious religion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, the Garden of Eden is in where? Missouri? Yeah, the Mormon Garden of Eden is in Missouri. Love Missouri. We might be going to St. Louis soon, so we'll find out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We know this. We know. This is different. I was talking about the GA guys. This is different. No, no, no. He's new blood. He's super cool. Yeah, man. Yeah, he's super Gen X. He's super like, oh, my God. Let me try to think. That's the lithium voice. Yeah. Like Kennedy. You know, like it's the Kennedy voice. You know what I mean? Hot girl. Hot Gen X girl voice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The slime of filth inside of my mother's cavern covered me with such sin that even at that moment, I wish I could burst into flames.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If you spend more time in Salt Lake City, it's like that old community is fucking wild. They just, they drink blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You also be prepared for the avalanche of terrible names in this entire fucking story. They all have the worst names. It's like Braxton and Fennec and like... Turner and Skye. Yeah, there were shit. Awful Mormon names.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He used seeing stones. He would he actually use chaos magic and like left hand magic properties as a young man. And it's one of those things. Same thing as the secret sauce of Scientology, which is the OTO structure. Like it is the same thing. All of that wiggity stuff that they happen to be, quote unquote, against all that Harry Potter shit. That's what started them all. Yeah. The bland wizard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah. Yeah, because your butt is the most European part of you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
To glutes. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of glutes, today's episode makes me long for the Catholic Church. Yeah. And the simple honesty of the leaders of the Catholic Church. Because you know what's nice about Catholic Church and their priests and their folks? They know they're evil. Yeah. They act like it. Yeah. And they're super confident about it. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Xtina's there?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I say, show them titties and get out there, Mr. Man. Well, let me ask Lionel Richie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's hard. With your shoe? Impossible. The other bees attack you. Chad Daybell is a fucking liar. He's never stepped on a bee. He's never done a goddamn thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And they don't need to pretend to be humble because they got big hats covered with diamonds on them. Yeah. And they spend their fucking money. They're spending their money. They're not just sitting on it like a bunch of fucking Mormons are waiting for a quote unquote rainy day, which is going to kill the rest of us. And then they're going to spend their money. Yeah. Buy your scepters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Hey, you know, we could get a pack of cigarettes if you just touch that man's penis. And then we can use the cigarettes to get a law book.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's called, in the name of the restaurant, Zanku Chicken. And the idea that you would sell a salad and not put... It should be difficult to remove the chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Boing!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Buy your big hats. Buy bigger hats. Do it now, guys. It's not coming. Jesus Christ is not coming back to America. It sucks here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
So this is one thing I also want to remind everyone, that I have to remind myself, is that every... Mm-hmm. And then his buddies making him jump off a cliff because that's what he said. He's like, you know, I had a bunch of prankster friends and they thought it would be a real right scenario of hilarity if I were to jump. And I said, well, you can't pay me to be up there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But next thing I know, I'm up there. And it's the way he talks about how he falls because then he sees his grandfather and his grandfather downloads all this information into his head. His grandfather shows him all the books he's going to write. And he's like, these are all the books you're going to write.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Enjoy yourself because you're the most talented Chad I've met since, I don't know, since I as your grandfather blew my brains out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Nice to meet you. Here with Henry Zebrowski. I'm fucking angry today. Yeah. I'm angry. I'm full of it. I can't wait to come for these people and come on these people. And I also want to say this whole series is going out to our ex-mos. We love you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Well, also the gift of discernment really supposed to be a power of the authorities of Mormonism. Yes. If you get what you call the second anointment, which is the super secret thing inside of Mormonism, so you get the second anointment, which means you're super extra holy and you might be one of the 144,000.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And that's the gift of discernment. And the gift of discernment is extremely important in this story because it makes... everything concrete reality in the Mormon world. As soon as someone on the board of Mormonism says, this is true, this is a part of capital M Mormonism, it is then concrete reality. And they are literalists.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Everybody that is in the Mormon religion believes in the actual words of the Bible. They don't think it's metaphor. They think it's literal. So this is the same. They are being told that you can now do this. You have superpowers now that you have done this thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I like to call it the Benoit-ization of society.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, this is where we're probably going to get some kind of flack from somebody, maybe, which I hope, because this... This little line we're about to take is considered the most heretical version of Mormonism that you can be a part of. Like this here is what I call the Mormon deep state that we are kind of stumbling upon. I'm going to explain that more through the series.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And our soon to be Exmos I want to say if you somehow found yourself Here right now This is your signal to get the living fuck out Yeah man ditch the backpack Get a shirt with a collar It's going to be a big day for you Seriously have a cup of coffee I dare you to walk into a Dunkin' Donuts right now, get a cup of coffee, see what happens. You will be having visions beyond the veil like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But Tom Harrison is a shyster. A fucking con man and an absolute piece of shit. And I do think that at some point, like, who knows? They are. We're going to see what happens once we start talking about this. He's dead, though, right? No. Very much still alive. Very much still important in the Mormon church.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
There is a distinct difference between the other Mormon NDE literature. So there's a whole subgenre of Mormon NDE literature. It's massive. It's huge. But everybody else up to this point, when they wrote one of these books, they wrote them in a kind of cushy way. It was very much like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
There's a heaven, and it's nice, and you'll meet your relatives and your ancestors, and it's... Normally, they're very positive and very fluffy and kind of garbage. Truly garbage. They're all garbage. Visions of Glory is the most garbage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But where Visions of Glory is different is the end sequence in which he talks about the end times and how he can prepare for the end times because he knows, because this isn't a quote-unquote Mormon vision, this is just a standard NDE, he now has... actual confirmation in what is going to happen at the end of the Mormon storyline.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And the idea that Mormons are going to save the United States of America from invasions after massive earthquakes and tsunamis and all this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's a massive country. It's a lot of land.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
See, these guys are, I mean it. If you want to, to be honest, if you want to wipe out most of the governing body of Mormonism, I think a couple of well-placed air horns will surprise them to the point where their skin will fall off. President of Mormonism right now, Russell M. Nelson, is 100 years old. Yes. He is looking like he's not going anywhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He is turning into a urinal cake as a person. But this is also, it's slightly even more complicated than this, because Tom Harrison was pulled aside. So Tom Harrison's... Yeah, of course it's more complicated. I'm just trying to simplify it. You're the best. Tom Harrison, he was in charge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I want this to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Tom Harrison started as a man who was a therapist for children who have experienced sexual trauma. And so that's what his job is. Now, Tom Harrison, he wrote this book. All this controversy came out saying, you have put yourself first.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You're going to be doing this already. It's called a cheap cult. It's called experiencing something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
above jesus christ between jesus and god as the person that has the most answers that's this idea that's what you've done with this revelation tom harrison gets called into the main office they say you should have kept this in your pocket this has been the thing you never should have put out even though he used his own in connections to the quorum of 12 to get it approved in order to back door get it published without their without anybody finding out until it was already too late so this when this comes out they finally come in they're like you can't do this this is fucking us up
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He writes a letter of apology. Tom Harrison writes a disavowal of the book in which he talks about how he's Spencer and blah, blah, blah. But he's it's utterly full of shit. But then what he does is on the side. But it's actually all true. Yeah. And that is the superpower of it. It's the super it's because now it's fringe. It's hidden. It's secret. Now, visions of glory is a cult following.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, visions of glory is a thing that you're in the know. You have to know a secret about it. And that's what gives it extra funky juice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
God. It's the power of Jesus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The pope! You think the Pope's more fun than the Mormon? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He lives in Italy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Someone from Buenos Aires or someone from Ogden? You know, I like Ogden, though. You've never been to Ogden. It's all the same. I mentioned that table because it's like, you know, the Pope, you got Russell M. Nelson, you got Tom Harrison, Putin, Yee, Kanye West. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. That must be a crazy dinner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It also made them concretely real. That is the key, is that when you get that yes, go ahead, it means you have created a series of canon-like stories for the Mormon religion as a whole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Correct. I just said also again, up top, this is not going to be super friendly to the Mormon religion. No. But we love all of you still. It's important for you to hear this because we've just like with Scientology, we have seen the beginning of Mormonism. And now we are seeing what I just straight up call the middle of Mormonism. We are in the middle of Mormonism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They love subversion, you know. So huge fans. No, they also are, you now see it with Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell. Chad Daybell was very publicly, he was very publicly excommunicated.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But Lori Vallow has not been yet because they don't want it to go back to her anymore. Chad Daybell, they feel a little bit of sense of responsibility for, but Lori Vallow, still the more dangerous, the truly more dangerous one. They just don't even want to mention.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They just think, again, there's something about the Mormon humble arrogance that fills me with such a powerful rage where it's like, because that's what this is. It's we're better than Visions of Glory. Nobody cares about Visions of Glory. We're not going to let... Meanwhile... Visions of Glory eventually will be known as the Turner Diaries for the Mormons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It will be known as a book that creates radicalized murder cults. It is going to happen again. It already is. It's happening with Jody Hildebrandt. It happened with Tim Ballard. It is happening. It's real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Excuse me, do you have a waifu pillow in? Sorry. No. Oh, well, I'm gonna have to go kill my family. Sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I'll pray for you. Give me that bong. What this shows, though, that is a thing that we really can't push under the rug because what it's showing is that Tom Harrison to this day says, I have nothing to do with it. If you go and look it up, there is a thing right now that connects. It's like I forgot. It's Tom. It's John Pontius's website.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The guy who wrote vision, quote unquote, wrote visions of glory. It says specifically Tom Harrison has nothing to do with Lori Vallow and Chad Dayball. Tom Harrison has nothing to do with Tim Ballard and blah, blah, blah. They were hanging out. They were texting each other. Tom Harrison was their Steve Bannon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And that's very interesting because we get to see a religion grow up and turn into whatever evil form it's going to in front of our own eyes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They're podcasts that were turned against them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know what? I'm going to say it. He didn't have a fucking single one. He had it. One, he was sick and he almost died, he says, blah, blah, blah. He had a very traditional NDE in which he ripped it off of every other fucking book that's ever had an NDE in it. Except for all of the mountains of lore, all the weird world that he creates that Chad and Lori are going to try to make real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But later on, he also had the, it was when, this is what I was saying about, remember they're Mormons. So Tom Harrison, the second big NDE happened when he took pain pills for the first time. He had surgery and he took pain medication and he was just stoned. And he did not know what stoned was. Yeah, the same thing happened to my dog. Yeah, ask Tootsie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If Tootsie could talk, I'm certain Tootsie's talking to Moroni as well. Yeah. I don't want to follow Tootsie's revelations, though, because it's really just going to be about chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's like, he definitely doesn't want you, too. You know, like, if you came back four times to God and he's still like, uh, not your time yet. Actually, you've got some time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How? It's not a metaphor. It's a story. It's a full story. There's nothing metaphorical about it. It just tells what happens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
This is why ancient, when you'd say, like, if you ever, if you believe in anything about the idea that there might have been secret schools or, like, this is a function of it. What happens is you have something ludicrous. This is very similar to the Xenu reveal. Yeah. where you've now come too far.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Well, it's the Great Wall of Fire, right? LRH said that you'll hear the Xenu story, and if you aren't ready to hear it, you'll go insane and die. Right. They think that you'll flip out and it's in a super secret room and they bring you a fucking suitcase and you open it up and it's handwritten pages from L. Ron Hubbard himself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And you read them silently in a room, put them back in a box, and then you just have to sit with it. That's what they do. And this is the same thing. Tom Harrison is viewed as. as a true prophet, the true prophet. And these motherfuckers were all scheming in order to flip the entire Mormon church. And that's my big leitmotif that I'm going to say at the end of this whole fucking thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
This whole thing is the deep Mormon state trying to get a hold of that $200 billion. You just said it at the beginning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Keep explaining.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know what's funny is that they never really took for me. Maybe it's because I'm not a big marshmallow of a man. I don't fucking want to kill my kids. Yeah, I like happiness, you know? I like anger in music.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Very much so, but I like sad dance. I do like sad dance music, so technically that's the peak of sad dance music, but it's not necessarily for me. I feel like Smiths fans just like chew on their own shirts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Is Carolina a huge Smith fan? Yeah, we both are. Well, you know, everyone has their flaws.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
God, what I would have given to see him on the streets of Newark. Oh, my God. Someone should have done the right thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That was Brigham Young. Brigham Young brought him over there, and then that was considered. If you do go across those salt flats, it is very interesting. It's very beautiful over there. The natural arches is extremely beautiful. I do see why they think that Zion would be there, but they were wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I hate everything about him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Because there's, I've watched, I just watched an hour long talk with him talking at a antique store where he's talking about his books. And that motherfucker is, he's so non-magnetic. He's the least magnetic human I've ever seen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No, he's a big punchy piece of fucking shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But eventually you know that is a deal that you will regret because Beetlejuice is difficult to remove. You made me laugh. What about Casper? You ever come across Casper? Casper is, to be honest, is a pervert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
My heavenly father's Pedro Pascal. He's talented. Bicon. Spread him open.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I want to be with him until he's forever and be a part of me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Hey, huge fans. Yeah, please come on the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If I put a hand low and a hand high and I just look at the chest, I'm like, Kelly Riley.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's just at the beach, and the waves are coming. They're like, be careful, Chad. Waves coming in. Oh, these waves. You know, like, he's just standing on the edge, and he's like, these waves are crazy. Yeah, Chad, you're going to watch out for the waves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They tell you how the tides work every day on an app called a weather app that you can find out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Is it true, English, that there's a little box that you can see the human anatomy inside? You're not Amish. Not I, English.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
assignments were at this point well the assignments are him understanding his place in the revelation yeah and that he is supposed to lead and that he is going to he needs to write his books he needs to tell everyone his story yeah yeah the assignments for mormons are like make pancakes and force people to eat them because they need food and then try and convince them to join your church yes normally an assignment for mormon is like i need you to build a barn and i need you to have sex with your daughter
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Maybe I'll put it this way. Every single word he says is horseshit. Yeah. And that he never had one, and he stole it all from Visions of Glory. Yep. And Tom Harrison stole it from a psychiatrist that wrote about it during the Satanic Panic. Yep. They've all stolen it, and each one is plagiarized. They made fun of it. None of it's real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious, and not just the same beans. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If you almost die four times, you become the Hulk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, nothing makes me think of my bright future like digging a grave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Some kind of Asian. Some kind of Asian that ran over my son.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
What's important here, too, is the grooming of Tammy Daybell. Tammy Daybell is a normal, quote unquote, normal Mormon wife. Sure. So during this time period, she is watching Chad change. And she, I imagine like many people at first is like, oh, she did support the vision. She supported a little bit of this, but it's becoming more and more real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's making it more and more part of their day to day saying, my visions are saying we should get McDonald's and my vision. They're like, he's saying stuff like this where they're all like, all right, then they go do it. So you get used to it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I know he killed Laurie's kids, and he probably killed his wife, and he probably helped kill a couple other people, but his biggest crime is his writing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's also a very famous landmark, and it would seem like a really good way to show that society is falling apart, as if you kind of illustrate a famous thing like that, or the Eiffel Tower, like burning down.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And now we know Lori Vallow has been convicted, three consecutive life sentences for the deaths of her children, and not yet Tammy Daybell. That's going to be the next trial.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Ha ha ha!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He uses the term dropkicks in a book like he's 13 years old. Like, that's how someone describes, like, I like a dropkick. I think a dropkick's really fun. I freaking love a dropkick. We all do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You have to like all of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And have an editor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He did, but it was not a good one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But now Lori Vallow is going to trial for Tammy Daybell's death. I thought she's on trial for Charles Vallow's death. It's all fucking mixed. It's all just this shit. But Lori Vallow, she's representing herself. So it is wonderful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Over here we have the steam room, which is cool. We have some ice plunges. This is the Virgin Mary, not so much anymore, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now she can be fucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I prefer a hot tub of aborted fetuses.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, come on. You want to go see my place? Yeah, here we go. It's a studio. But I like it. I'm Benjamin Franklin. It's fine. I thought I'd get more. I got to wait. It's something to do with what I did with my slaves or whatever. But this is the Murphy bed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
She is very certain she is correct. And Lori Vallow is probably one of the more frightening human beings we will cover on last podcast on the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah. It's the last forever. But it is interesting is that it's a full part of the religion. Yeah. Is this doomsday prep like section. There's a whole version of it. And so it's normalized. And I also thought was really interesting while listening to Mormon stories. As I said, one thing that was interesting about the Chad Laurie's story is that so every they call them awards.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's like the neighborhoods. Every Mormon award is like. Certain section of wherever you live, you were born to a ward.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, the 6th Ward, the 9th Ward, all that stuff. And they believe that within those wards, you are, like, essentially, you're responsible and you're just kind of dropped in. But within those wards... There's always some kooky guy that had a dream that they know where Kolob is or they know where to go, where the new Nauvoo is going to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And they say that it's so common that you're just so used to it. You're like, OK, and you just kind of roll past it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It is key to remember that Chad is chasing trends. He is trying to be quote-unquote savvy about his positioning of his near-death experience books and his own near-death experiences. He knows—this is one thing also Mormon Stories said that I thought was really interesting is that near-death experiences within wards are power grabs. They literally are a way to—
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
put yourself forward as a, I'm a new prophet. And when you can, and so this is, it's, it's his near death experiences are self-made.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Everyone's been telling me to watch this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I actually did start watching it because Natalie was watching it. Because, also, you guys want to go check out someplace underneath in their coverage of the Mormon church. I'm going to keep plugging them because they've been getting into the money now. But, yeah, we've been watching American Primeval. It's pretty good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah. If you do, I listened to a very interesting talk on hidden true crime with a guy that is a prepper that was a member of Lori Vallow's family, the prepper family that she came from. And he said something that was so illuminating that we've guessed it for years, but he said the words out loud where he was like, I've been prepping my whole life. I'm ready. I want it. I'm here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And I need to be challenged now. I want my challenge. And so they are willing to do whatever it takes to bring about the end times so that they can LARP on our time. They want to go and live their survival stories out loud while we all die. Just destroyed by walls of fire and floods and comets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And so that they can go live their Mormon romance fantasies of living in a world where your wives and children have to die so that you could do the couple's ruse in the post-apocalyptic Mormon future where you can coax.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No, and we start to realize, though, is that what you can do to make your own reality, and it's a very good American concept, is that you can go out there and start it. So that's kind of what they think, is that if we just start acting like the end times are about to come, maybe they will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They just want everybody that they don't like to die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know what's the worst part? You know what's the worst part of somebody who's bad at stuff like this? Is that he's also prolific.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How's that novel you're working on where it's the reimagining of yourself as a gay octopus having sex with Carolina?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The last draft was, you know what I said, the last draft was irresponsible. I said what you wrote was incendiary, and we really can't have another Visions of Glory out there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I know, and that's why when you got the eight tentacles inside of her, my first thought was, is this nice? Yeah. I thought it was. Hey, it's love. It's romance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No, no, no. No, this is a part of it. It's this awkwardness. This is a whole vibe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, she is very ready.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's how I feel about my haters, dude. Fucking whatever. You're about to meet Jesus soon. You're going to be dead. Yeah. Yeah, fuck you, haters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know, I don't have anything special about me. Pay attention to me. There's nothing special about me. I might be able to talk to God, but there's nothing special about me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And honestly, if that's your only safe place, then fucking kill me. Yeah. I did a Google walkthrough of Rexburg because I've never seen it. I just want to look at it. Not impressive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You wouldn't believe it. I was sitting there. I was filling up, obviously, my Dodge Ram. I was filling it up, all $95 of it. And I saw this little square hovering above where the gasoline prices were. And in that little vibrant square, it said, come to Idaho.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That is also one of the main features of the Mormon, like, post-apocalyptic world is rampant volcanoes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I have attempted to read several Chad Daybell books, and I will not finish them. No. I refuse to finish them. Wow, and you finished David Icke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It also can't be stressed enough how non-urgent and how non-serious this very deadly thoughts were. When you go and listen to them talk, it's so cuddly. It's so like, oh, shucks. And it's not until you're listening to the words that you're like, every single time they say something, you're like, that requires millions of people to die. That's just called subjugation of a woman's body. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's, like, something else. Like, you're literally just, like, you're just saying horrible things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
So you're going near death. I don't know. Will there be saw blades everywhere? Is it all on a broken sheet of ice?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You finished multiple L. Ron Hubbard books. I actually think that Chad Daybell might be the least talented person to ever live.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They all have the very same kind of flat effect. Yeah, the cadence. It's very... It's purposeful. It is done on purpose. He is doing it to sound like Tom Harrison. Yeah. And Tom Harrison is doing it to sound like Russell Nelson. It's kind of like... It's a voice. It's a style. And so people kind of... It's just, aw, shucks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I don't know about the... And the best part is that because they keep getting pushed into the fringe deeper and deeper, I think that really what comes about is that... How could I be dangerous? Yeah. I'm just this guy. I'm just talking my truth. I didn't want to. I'm a humble messenger. It's all of this horse shit where it's like they're all bloodthirsty maniacs that want to act like they're not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yay! This is the first podcast-based crime! Wow! It's true?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know what I mean. He's also, those are all the ones, those are the ones that are all based upon plural marriage. I have my, one of my big major theories is that Mormon cults can be broke down by specific Mormon sins and what they don't want you to do. And they, how they, they, certain things are hinged on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Like the blood atonement stuff is kind of based upon those, the two brothers that had a death cult. And then we have this, you know, Warren Jeffs is all about literally just creating entire system in order to have sex with children. Yeah. this is, that's kind of what Tim Ballard was doing too. And then this is about the gift of discernment. It's about flipping the entire Mormon church.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That is the worst name for a podcast I have ever heard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And there was Feel the Fire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That could be cooking. That could be hell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
So...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The craziest planet of all. What's cutting hair like on Pluto? It's very difficult due to the gravity issues. Very difficult to clean. It's cold. Very cold. Get an umbrella. But don't worry, if you don't like the weather, wait an hour.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How do they get him? Is it still out? Can you listen to it? It's very difficult to find. I went scouring the internet to find all of their podcasts. They've mostly been taken down. There's bits and pieces. Mostly what I have found is videotape of their various presentations at conferences, like preparing of people and of these other things that we will get to. But guess what, Eddie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, very much so. Did you ever read the chapter? Did you read Visions of Glory? No. There is a chapter. I don't have time. Yeah, well, I did. And there is a chapter in Visions of Glory in which Tom Harrison says that he can psychically he met a man from, I believe, I forgot what island it was from. He met a man from I want to say was Polynesia. And he said that he touched his hand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And then he said that he saw the entire history of the Polynesian people, including all of the rape. and murder that they did and how they were an unsophisticated group of island brutes. And so it seems that he took it from that. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like he definitely has a bias.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's racist. He's deeply racist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Wow. This is just, I'm so happy that I got some of this rage out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I needed to get it out today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No, you know what it is about Lori Vallow? You like the way she looks. You know? You called her hot earlier. She is attractive. I do find her attractive, but I do think that she's... She's not attractive. She's the evil one. Yeah. So I'm a little bit... I like... We're about to get evil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Part two is going to get... We're going to see the other side. What really creates the actual very, very dark edge of Chad Daybell is going to be what Lori Vallow brings to the table and her family, what she learned from her family, all this type of shit. That's what's going to create this fucking evil toxic soup and it's just going to get worse. worse from here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It all does. It's almost like every single group of villains in the United States of America are working together as a team. And we are suffering as a result. But otherwise, things are fine. And go check out someplace underneath Run right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They are really doing extremely deep work into the they're going to cover the Tim Ballard story. They're going to cover kind of things that I even dropped. But right now they're running through all of the various sources of Mormon money because they're talking about these holdings, which is the action.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You're not missing anything. They... Fucking suck. They suck at talking. They suck at humor. They suck at talking. They're the worst group of fuck faces to exist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's a it's kind of a massive elephant in the room with all of these conversations, because, again, all of this humbleness hides the fact that they're sitting on a world changing amount of money. $200 billion? Something like that. It's an astronomical sum of money that they can do whatever they want with. And what's it going to be?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And check out Goodwood. We'll be live next week on the 27th. And we might be taking a little trip. To where? We'll see. All right. I'll tell you who is taking the trip. Us. We're in Dallas right now. Seriously, come out. If you're in Dallas, come out. We're going to have fun. Tonight's going to be a great fucking show. We got a lot of stuff. Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. The 22nd. The 22nd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And then we've got dates. We're going to be in the Ryman. Come and see us at the Ryman. If you're in Nashville, we're going to have so much fucking fun. We're going to have the Ryman. I believe then we're going to Huntsville, Alabama for side stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, we should totally go to Wernher von Braun's grave. Absolutely. We can do some Roman salutes. Oh, yeah. Marcus said this, and I want to remind you, go to last podcast on the left dot com to buy those tickets. That is where you want to go. If you just look up last podcast on the left live, they will take you to see like scammers, ticket scammers, which apparently is it's horrible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
We can't do anything about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And you also can see us again, Contact in the Desert 2025 from May 29th to June 2nd. We are going to be there. We're going to be doing several shows over the weekend. We're going to be around doing stuff. It's not finalized quite yet what we're doing. Yeah. And whatever shows we're not on, we will be heckling. Yeah. So be there. Be in the crowd because we already walked one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Michael Sedona is not coming back. He's not. He said our spiritual attack on him caused him to lose 25 pounds. Wait, us? Yes. He says our satanic spiritual attack on him ruined him and that he had to go into spiritual recovery. He had to go into a prayer monastery. Like, he had to do all of this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
All right. It's awesome. So we will be the ones burning the effigy of the World Trade Center this year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But also, I will bring up quickly one tiny little weird theology thing. Very quickly. Is that the 144,000 can be interpreted in different ways. There's one way, which was the Joseph Smith OG way, which is the idea that 144,000 people were what were going to be left, right? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If you want to help us, if you want to send in a paper mache World Trade Center, go to the P.O. Box, P.O. Box 470, North Hollywood, California, 91603. If you're a lucky listener who sends in the first World Trade Center paper mache diorama, That's the one we're going to burn. Lie. I'm contacting you, Besser. All right, that's it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
What these guys have interpreted as, in terms also their mentor interprets it as, is the 144,000 are the generals and the captains of the Mormon army that will live through the tribulations. And they will go and they will gather all of the Mormons that are left after everybody's fucking dead. And they will also have special powers. More men, more like less men.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, you're coming against RPGs. I'd play a Mormon RPG. But they are, this is LARPing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You're right, but it's the LARPing involved because it's like, it's crazy. It's so hard to just roll a natural 20 when you're trying to smother your children. Because that's what you have to get. You have to roll a natural 20 so that you can properly sink them into the hole so that nobody can see. That makes a perfect flat lay. Like, that's like, if you hit a critical success, that's huge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But yeah, they're just doing it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Soon as tabletop games get involved.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You just call me Mircus? They're not dead. They're in heaven. Yeah, of course. They're busy. And they're working. Have they got their own planets yet? No, they can't. They're fucking gross. It's a baby. It's like a lady.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
She can't be in charge of a planet that's too emotionally insecure. It takes the stable nature of a man, a grown boomer, to really run a planet correctly. Yeah, especially Uranus. Yeah, a lot of boomers love Uranus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The slow roll-up of capital M, straight-down-the-line Mormon to fringe Mormon is not that far. No. You can get over there very easily. The capital M Mormon is trying to make themselves now more reasonable, more approachable, more open to modern conventions, modern ideas. Well, that's how the Mormon church has always been.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They changed with the times. Yes. But these guys, these guys want to roll, roll, roll, roll, roll it back. And they want to roll it back in a way that also never really existed. They want to roll it into a cartoon world that never was. But really the only way to do that, again, is if all the rest of us are dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
They could have done something with it. There was a lot of opportunity there that they left on the fucking table. Okay? Daredevil season two killed us. And then the new Pee Wee Herman movie drove the fucking nail to the fucking casket. I mean, Tim Robbins is doing great. He's fine. You think there was one guy who just hated rocks? Yeah. Fucking loved it. Fucking rock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Man, this is the best day of my goddamn life. You mean all day long you get to torture rocks? I fucking hate you, rock. I fucking hate you, rock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Cute. Oh, that's nice. They met back in the day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
That's cute.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
People say dating's hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Cute. It is adorable. I can see families having sex with each other.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
It's your buddy. I got that gum you like. Here you go. You want some cinnamon gum? I know it's super hard to chew, which is what you like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Oh, wow. How erotic. These private prison systems need to be, we need to take a look at this because I don't know where they're getting the lube from. So they sent women, too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Wow. Cool. Now it makes sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
We said a car. You know, it's the brighter side. It is the brighter side.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
That's right. I only listen to Trent Reznor because I like Atticus Finch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I just feel like all the criminal ladies there must also be kind of fun. I mean, it was all leather and whips back then. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah. Yeah, they didn't know what people were supposed to look like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Put them both together. That's right. That's right. Yeah. He's the guy he makes all the soundtracks with. Now I understand. Yes. Now I understand. The guy after we saw Nick Cave, I did not understand that Warren Ellis wasn't the comic book writer Warren Ellis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
There's no working in jerking with that, especially when you die next to the crackers. That's a horrible way to die. Never die on top of the rice. No. I want to say this right now. If you find me dead... Go ahead. Horsey ride all the way. Oh, yeah, dude. Unfortunately, it's going to be about a 25-minute bit of a picture. I'm going to do a shoot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I'm going to do it from putting various fun costumes just to have that as the last. Because, of course, once we're booking out your funeral, we're going to use that as the projection show. Yeah. Turn my coffin into a submarine. I don't give a shit. It's easy to do. One push into a harbor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Never, ever show him more than five cans of beans. Because he will fucking just start crying, and then he'll throw up, then he has a seizure, and then you gotta clean everything up, and spend the rest of your day in an emergency room. Yeah, or lay down and give him a horsey ride.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
afraid of when they have a baby right when it doesn't latch right if it doesn't do these things are all worried is the baby gonna turn into a martin bryant but then sometimes it just turns out they don't have the suckle muscles to get it all through talking about yourself you're being crazy nipples yeah because then your mother's big crazy and they must be
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I might have been intoxicated.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
If I couldn't get the milk, how big are the nipples? Yeah. Because now I'm starting to understand a lot more. So they blamed my sucker muscles on my mother's tits.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
It was now I'm starting to understand. I think it's my mom's tits fault. Not my fault. Is this something you came upon in therapy? Yeah, and he said, stop talking about it. And I said, no, this is huge for me. It's not my fault. It's my mom's kid's fault. And that's the new piece of merch. But you had no problem latching onto that Philly cheesesteak. Oh, yeah, dude. I fucking, absolutely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I'm blowing bubbles with gum. I'm doing lots. I'm having milkshakes. I can suck, suck, suck all day long. I can't believe for a second I couldn't get that milk because I really wanted it. Maybe it was backed up. Do you think she had a, yeah, like a little block? Whoa. Yeah, sometimes you got to work at it. Still, it's the tit's fault.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. Henry was a harness kid. I was fully Hannibal Lecter from place to place. I had a strap from my waist to the shopping cart and then a strap from my wrist to my mother's wrist. And I was elephant walked from place to place because I was like a little I was a I was ready to go. I would take off my clothes and I would just run in one direction.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And I knocked the whole display down once in a grocery store. Oh, in Queens? Yeah, and they had to come get me, and they found me. And then when they had found me, I had peeled the stickers off a couple of bananas, and I'd stuck them up my nose. And we couldn't get them out, so then they had to take me to the emergency room. And the whole time, I'm just sitting there like, yes, attention acquired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I mean, he looks like a prospecting wizard. That's what all comic book writers look like. Have you seen Alan Moore? He looks just like Alan Moore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You got to tie them up sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
When I see those kids like on a leash at Disneyland or at the airport or something, you know, at first you're like, oh, bad parenting. And then you're like, no, you take care of them. Cut the leash and see what happens. Yeah, no, they're doing that for our benefit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I can't be contained!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I can't be contained! You won't even do it! You can't do it! Can't get me! Undisciplined!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Because you know what it is? It's the pewter rings. That's what I thought, because all comic book writers that we have met, don't tell me I'm wrong. Every comic book writer I've ever met loves giant pewter rings.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I know what you're going to do. You're trying to knock me out. You're going to replace me with another child. And it's not going to happen because I got eyes on the sides and backs and bottom of my head. Gotta tell that kid. Can't get me. Can't get me. I'm utterly uncontrollable and I'm a fun little guy. So what are you going to do about it? You're a fucking doctor. What are you going to do?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You come around here often? I do because I'm a diamond. Well, I'm just here for the flight. I'll turn it right back around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
How'd you get that? Oh, yeah, was it lack of exercise or has it just been a big tubby fuck?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Can't touch me!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Because also, as an adult, remember, if you are ever attacked, this is a good way to alleviate the situation. Cry? Just start going, No! No! No, no, no. Oh, you know, he did the go limp thing. Oh, yeah, of course. We had annoying kids like this. And that's the problem. But then, see, my bullies in school, they understand you just keep beating the fucking shit out of them. You know what I mean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
They were never turned off by it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
No, because I'll always remember.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
The closest I had was when I was in the school. I was at daycare after seeing Problem Trial 3 for the fourth time in a row, which is a lot of this story. and they pushed me down to the bathroom and removed my towel after we went to a pool, and they all were laughing at my tiny penis. Oh, that's what was underneath? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You just made guys like me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I got bullied a lot until I realized I could beat up most kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
But I had the power of the written word. Because as you see, the pen is mightier than the sword.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, best to ever do it. Is that true? No. No, no, no. He slid down the list now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if we're going to be dickheads about it, I feel like the guy from University of Texas is probably the best. Oh, you're talking about the OG. Oh, Whitman. Oh, yeah. I mean, that was like, if any of them had talent...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
He literally said, yes. And then they were like, but didn't you learn your lesson? And he's just like, yeah, I learned a lesson, but I'm still going to play with fireworks. And this is apparently a thing that would be how he responds to stuff from then on. Like his lawyer talked about dealing with Martin Bryant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And one of the things where like every once in a while he'd be like, you know, Martin, you should feel bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
for what you did you should feel bad about this you know and like you should feel good before and then he's just like well i guess i feel bad then that was like his response but then he was fully bugs bunny though yeah or the joker yes no i mean even calling the that's even giving him too much credit yeah he was not the joker plan the joker had a crew and followers yeah yeah yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Did you have that? My mom always had that. They were called the Eddie Haskels. Ah. That's what the term was from Lever to Beaver. She'd be like your friend Nicholas's little Eddie Haskel. And it's because they come in and they would be like, yes, Mrs. Zabrowski. Of course. I was one of those kids. Yeah, me too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Oh, yeah. I loved hanging with the parents. I was just good. You just said that you had to be tied to a shopping cart filled with energy. There was nothing. I wouldn't qualify that as good or bad. I would qualify that as bad. No, it's an energetic shot. It's bad. It's 100% bad. If they could have harnessed it into sports or something. If you were a dog, you would have been sent to the pound.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I would have made friends in the pound. I would have worked out. Just me sitting a bunch of other dogs. Come on. Come on. Give me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
He definitely had, like, he was, like, not all there, but he knew what he was doing was wrong. Oh, yeah, always, at all times. But he also had a perennial, like, this feeling of, like, why does everybody hate me, though? I am being myself. According to Martin Bryant, in his head, he's just being himself, and he's just this, he's just born annoying. Yeah. Do you know what it's like being me? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
See, now he caught it for me. And let's not say talent. Maybe we could say skill. Skill, skill, skill, skill, skill. Charles Whitman is like the Madonna of mass shooters. He started it all. You know what I mean? And he really kind of set the template. One more share.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
up and he was cuckoo bananas and schizophrenic i don't know much about this stuff no he wasn't schizophrenic it was a catch-all thing in a while where they were trying to figure out like any single time schizophrenia got thrown around real loosely in the yeah because apparently that's the worst one right well no i don't know no they all kind of it's interesting on some level at their extremities they all sort of dovetail with the various symptoms that it brings up
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Schizophrenia is the most like you'd be the most dislocated, but it's anything can lead to these sort of like fugue states or like this type of thing. The schizophrenia is just one of them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
That's all anybody says about him. They just talk about it all the time. You know what he kind of looks like? The dude from Die Hard. Like the head henchman. Yeah. Like for Alan Rickman. He's got head henchman look.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
of megadeth yeah yeah blonde shoulder-length hair he's got a naturally athletic build but yeah he is a objectively handsome man this is but it's a real block his lawyer talked about it his lawyer does a whole long thing about like he doesn't look i would it which is why people thought he could just talk to him but turns out he's heavily i would it that's literally what he said
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
See?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Do you think they were learning disabilities or was it just like straight up, I don't feel like doing this?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I like rubber lips. Yeah, rubber lips is fun. I feel like I gotta save that one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Again, it's like when the Joker comes in and says, you want to see a magic trick? But then he just sets himself on fire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You like that bit, huh? I'll show you Burning Man fucking sucked that. Yeah, dude. Burning dude. Oh, man. But the thing is, if they would have just let it burn. Yeah, everything would have been fine. If they were normal stoners and were just like, man, that's fucked up, then it would have been done. You know, but I wonder if it's because the last time he got set on fire, he got a lot of attention.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And he starts kind of putting them all together. He got on the news.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
This is my, this is my life, my passion. I love snails. I love muck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
That's just, I mean, you know, in a way, if he's working, at least that is kind of funny. Yeah, fun is fun. Daddy? Daddy? Oi? Don't you want to take me to do some bugging? Sure, let me show you how it's done there, son. Yeah, oh yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Oi. I kind of like you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, definitely the first thing up, you want to teach somebody at 14 who has really aggressive some form of antisocial autism. It's like, yeah, let's teach them how to use guns quickly. Yeah. If your child sets himself on fire twice, maybe don't get him a gun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Even that's risky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
That's why you send them to the crawfish. Oh, yeah. Snorkeling. Perfect. Literally can't set it on fire. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Hates birds. Yep. Hates birds, hates freedom. He's also like, I just feel like if you find your son randomly practicing to be the DC sniper, you might want to say, you might want to step in there. You know, of all the countries in the world, though, Australia does have extra animals to kill. Certainly. Certainly. You can go after the spiders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And birds are the biggest problem in Australia because of how big and scary they are. He really should have went for the six. Yeah. That's what you do with kids like this. Just turn them into snake killers. Yeah, roll back. That's a really good idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, go into the house. Kill rats in the house.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, you know? And then he gets killed by a snake. Or he becomes a exterminator. And then he gets to kill animals and stuff, but it's his job. He's in prison, right? Yeah. So we can still do this. Definitely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Old spear gun to the head, friendship ender. You know, friend breakups are some of the most devastating things that you can go through, but most of the time it's over money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Or fucking your wife or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
But you just get stabbed in the head with a spear gun. It seems like it came out of nowhere, especially because they're both in the crawfish industry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Saltwater crocs. They're bigger.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
So, Daddy, would you say you'd be, like, fun if I brought hell to them? I love you, boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Maybe I should get you a bigger gun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You know, this is just the plot to What About Bob. Is it? Fuck you, Dr. Martin. Dr. Martin scoops it. He scoops the property from the two locals that have been waiting for the property to open up. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
He's a dumber version of Wile E. Coyote. I've been trying to figure out which cartoon character Martin Bryan is because the more you watch him, the more you realize that he really was in his entirely own world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You've seen that too many times. You know that's the plot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Bryant is Bob Wiley. Bob Wiley goes finds Dr. Leo Marvin while he is on vacation, while he's supposed to be on vacation from his problems. He goes out there and then they also famously did not get along on set. Bill Murray was very rough too. He used to beat him up a bunch. Very similar. Bill Murray used to beat up Richard Dreyfuss. They used to get into physical fights. Yeah, Richard Dreyfuss.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
On the set of What About Bob? Yeah, he used to complain about it a lot. He said he tortured me during that movie. But also, Richard Dreyfuss was annoying, so no one really stuck up for him, I think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Also, I do want to correct myself. I forgot we were in Tasmania very south. The Crocs aren't down there. They're only up north. Great. So I just really wanted to correct myself before I get yelled at by all the Croc fans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I don't want these Croc people coming after me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I caught five. Not enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I saw a little interview with one of Martin Bryant's girlfriends. So he met a girl, one of the girls he dated.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
When he was 27, she was 16. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yes. But there was like a time where she said, Martin would do this thing where, again, he's handsome. Yeah. So when she met him, she just thought he was a super, just a dumb, normal guy. And then when he was talking, he would pretend to read. He would do these things where he'd go, hmm. And he'd get the menu and go, huh. And then he'd order whatever he wanted anyway.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Whatever, didn't matter what the restaurant was. He'd like look at signs and just go like, we're going this way. And like have no idea what anything read and shit. But again, she just liked having a decider.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And it's all about that really.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Oh yeah, I can't read.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You're talking about doing mass shootings while walking around going... You're like whistling and snapping and laughing and walking around. He's essentially in my mind, which Marcus didn't necessarily agree with, but I see him as like Roger Rabbit. Roger Rabbit loved everybody. He's just trying to make the world laugh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You all want some fucking carrots? Oh, you piece of shit. You all squash? Bye. Bye, squash. Bye, my squash.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Eat my grapes. Oh, I'll set fire to your home. Eat my grapes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Don't hoarders want everything?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, she had access to millions of dollars. Millions of dollars. That's why she was a hoarder, because of that. Yeah. Gotcha. You see, it's not just the money. Poor people can be hoarders, too, Eddie. Oh, yeah. The best of them. Top tier hoarders. It's not really about the money. It's about the drive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Again, it's the dream.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
It cannot really be stressed enough how old a lady she is. She's 54. But when you look at her, it's different. Look at Helen Harvey now. To be honest, in my head. Hoarding 54 is always... It's different than a Lisa Ann 54.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
54 like in my mind as soon as because because of my training i saw my head helen harvey lisa ann right like i just imagined her as like a weird kind of like oh because she's an heiress i thought maybe she'd have a lot of plastic surgery and be like a weird kind of like that style of 54 year old lady she looks like the woman from the book stone soup She was born with a babushka. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Like she is that type. She's got babushka head. And I have no idea how like these guys coming together is one of the funniest odd couples in true crime history. Yeah. Because they're not necessarily fucking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
It's kind of like Harold and Mott. It is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Didn't they sleep together in Harold and Mott? They're like in love with each other. I think they banged once.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Imagine Roger Rabbit with antisocial personality disorder and an extremely easy to use assault rifle. Can this guy sing? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. He seems strong, though. I mean, if you're carrying around an AR-15 and a shotgun and all those rounds and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Hey, I mean... I wish she was still alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You could help her out. Can you imagine that? You see him out of sorts. You need some help. You want some squash to shove up your ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And that's a big thing for all you out there that are super irritating. Sometimes you just got to hold out for that aimlessly wandering old woman that will take you and have you. And then that's who showed up. And that's who you commit to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Thought she was rich.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, it's not like they paid for her. She just, like, was there. Yeah, you know, just, you don't always like having just a random old lady just there. She's 54. This is, look at Helen Harvey. Look at her and tell me that it's not the very description of an old lady. Also, they could finally take a vacation by themselves. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I agree. Yeah. Especially with, like, just around all the cat piss fumes. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And it's stressful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
She literally was the first person to not just be like, fuck you, Martin, I hate you. Yeah, get the fuck away from me right now. Yes, which meant she was also a difficult woman. She was very difficult. And so they got together famously, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
So he wasn't living with her yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
But also, they're built. They are made completely easy to shoot. They have no recoil. Anybody can shoot. A child can shoot it. A 14-year-old can shoot near a president. We do know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
They said they were inseparable and that he would be over there all the time. They would be hanging out because they love doing the same things. They love yelling at the...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
No, I've got a rager. I've got a rager, don't you worry. I'll try to stick her with my shift stealer. Or I'll try to get her with my little shovel. Or I'll try to push her around. But Helen, turned out, hole grew over. She said the hole grew over, spider moved in, it's a bunch of wibs. I love my Helen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Don't they cut you off? No. At some point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
This time I'll go. This time I'll go. She immediately crawls in the trunk of the car. No, no, no. Wrong end. You gotta start driving your own car, lady. All right, all right. I'll get in the right area. Crawls under the hood. Which way is left? Which way do I? What's the wheel?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Which car smelled worse, theirs or John Bunting's? I mean, John Bunting's. John Bunting's because he had the fucking slop. Yeah. He had human remains turned into chowder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Put it on your gravestone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You don't believe him? Dig him up. True or false?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
God. Sweet, sweet Helen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Oh, okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I think that's a budgie. Okay, great. Pretty, pretty bird. Pretty bird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, no, it sounds like a cute life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
One horse. But three donkeys? Sign me up. Again, I think you can handle it. I don't know if Martin could. No. Ponies are useless, right? No, you can ride them. You can ride them, yeah. You can like, yeah, but that's it. You can just like, you know. No, you can farm them for their meat. You can get them for their milk. I never ate pony. Yeah, we can have some. I've had horse. I've had horse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
It's the same. No, it's not. No, yeah, I don't really like horse. We're not normally, we're not used to horse. I don't, yeah, order horse. No. Well, I have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
So crazy. This guy can't read, hasn't passed any school, does zero skills, can't even take care of the yard, is going to become a millionaire and still wants to kill everybody. I want to see this movie that is Brewster's Millions directed by fucking David Finch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Like the David Fincher, like you literally do a thing where you have like you have to spend all the money and he's also on a killing spree.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
This is all I want to do. Why is this so much? Why is this asking too much? It's all I want for my life. Obviously, it's not going to make you happy. No, but that's just because that's them. I can maximize it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Unless they're taught to drive or handle the map. Yeah, you're supposed to tie them to the hood. That's the key.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You know, when you got a good joke, sometimes you got to let it ride for decades. That's true. Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me or are you talking to my father? We both have. That's what you have to have. It's called house jokes. I will say the one time I did this to my dad was the one time he like hit me in the face. And I agree with him still to this day. No, it's a lesson to learn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
It's a lesson to learn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
If I was that dog, I would have ran the opposite goddamn direction. Not back to the farm. No. God, the good Lord. But this is what we see a lot in these types of accidents. Martin lived because he was like, there's something about not being like when they say with drunk drivers, like how they always live through the crash. Well, it's because their bodies are loose and they don't react.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
They don't clench the way that's kind of what they say for you to do. You're supposed to go loose. Yeah, you do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
and forced is the key word. I think partially, too, when Helen came in, they were super happy to be like, you got him now. Bye-bye. They worked their whole life or his whole life for this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
They're martyrs, like real parents. They're martyrs, and so they go through the process because they feel like they have to. This is why Julie's making me get the hunchback dog. It's called... It looks really cute, though. The dog's definitely cute, and it's going to be a great dog, but at the same time, it's a hunchback. But, you know, we're getting a bell put in, and it's going to be fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And then Julie can wear your favorite style of dress, like what's-her-name wears in the Hunchback of Nervin. Esmeralda. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Actually, that's kind of nice. Yeah. Think about it. All right. I'm in. And you're the evil monk. Always.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Man, imagine sucking so much that kids don't even want to play Nintendo with you in like 1989. I know. It's like the coolest shit in the world. Well, you know what it was? One of the affectations he gets, and you see it now, like later on when you watch all like, it's a couple interviews with him. He it's a girlish titter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
It's like everywhere he goes and everything's funny and everything's like a funny bit and everything, which is like, again, when you're married to a comedian, it's great. Yeah. But when it's just some guy that doesn't know how to do it, I could see how it gets annoying. Yeah. you know, we'll all be abandoned at some point. That's a comedian's life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You know, but also, you gotta imagine his house fucking smelled like shit, too. Like, it just covered in fucking piss and shit. I mean, the bar's real low.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Didn't realize that when we scheduled it. We mean it. We really did not realize it at all. Every time. Yeah, if we realized it, it would have been the 30th anniversary. Yes. You've got to do a round number. Not 29. Very strange. But, you know, I'm just glad we learned our lesson. America? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Oh, it's a Kramer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Cabbies will do anything you ask them to do. Have you ever done anything? Really well. Dude, have you ever done it? I did it one time. Follow that car? No, not a follow that car, but I did a step on it. Me too. Yeah, it worked. It was awesome. Yeah, they do it. I was like, let's go. That was back in the yellow cabs. Cab drivers have a fun life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I only wish that he could have had the jerk style lifestyle where you have the white suit and like the tennis courts and all this shit. Like that's what this this story really could have went to the best millionaire ever. Like that's where the story could have ended up. And it didn't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Many of them, and they buy whole companies and then become billionaires, and then we all have to pretend like they're geniuses because they just came into the money in the first place, and then they bought some hot air balloon business that all of a sudden takes off, and now they're the balloon king of Tulsa or some shit. That's true. Man, Tulsa and their fucking balloons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I'm sick of Tulsa and their fucking balloons, which is why I'm bringing my hand-picked needles to Tulsa. Pop the balloons. Take Tulsa down.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Here's Trent Reznor, there's me. Hanging out. Just sitting there, just be like, hey, hey. Do you ever feel, hey, Mr. Reznor, do you ever feel like you maybe are too sad? Ever thought about adding some? Some of that greasy ass fuck. When you did that closer video, did that pig head smell? Yeah, when you said fuck me like an animal, did you mean like a horse? Or a llama?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Do you think there's any chance he killed him?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I mean, you know, the lesson really for me is always live and let love. Now we're trained on how to not get shot when they happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
No. Let's just say he didn't kill him with his hands. He killed him by being himself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, he's sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
He has every reason to be sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And he just set his son up for life, too. Yeah. So he probably is just like, fuck it. My job is done. Well, definitely. It's like, I'm out. Now that he's a multimillionaire and he can do whatever he wants. Yeah, my job is over.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, that's right. Put the rake in the hat. I don't know what it means.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
That's a funny idea. I've just been like, yeah, quite the businessman, eh? Hey, you like coral fish? Opens up a briefcase with a bunch of coral fish. Yeah, Phil, what's that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I mean, that was part of the beginning of it. Well, because in the end, he really thought like, all right, now I'm going to dress like a big timer. I'm going to dress like they all do in the movies. And like, which I get. That's what I want to do. Yeah. I love a stupid shirt. It's. It's weird because it's disarming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I know when I hear something like a car, like a loud noise from something and stuff, and I'm scared in a public place, it's nice to feel the heart rate rise because I didn't get cardio that day. It's actually really helping with the obesity epidemic in the country. It really does, yeah, because you get stronger every time you pick up a woman as a human shield. Always an old woman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I actually wear big, friendly, colorful stuff because I don't want people to be scared of my appearance. Yes, Mark Ryan at first, though, but he just could not understand what the laughter was. And he intentionally took it in the worst way possible. It's like the first time he ever made people happy, he decided to kill everyone. Yes, because he thought that the happy was angry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
He couldn't tell the difference.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yeah, we're going to have a good time. I can't wait to do these live shows. We are going to have so much fun. I think right now we're in Toronto. We're in Toronto and it is there. I'm there for my birthday. Also, if I believe right before this, check out the LPN Funhouse live on Twitch. Twitch.tv slash LPN TV.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And I want you to check out my birthday celebration, which apparently I'm going to be lording over everyone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Go to the YouTube channel. Last podcast on the left YouTube channel. Fucking subscribe and all that stuff. We're going to be in Toronto on May 3rd. Atlanta on June 28th. And the next night, Henry and I are doing a side story show at Dad's Garage on June 29th. July 12th, Salt Lake City. August 8th, Charlotte. August 9th, Durham. September 20th, St. Paul, Minnesota.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
October 11th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. October 25th, Oakland, California. November 29th, two days after Thanksgiving, we'll be in Cleveland. Just cheeseburgers for Thanksgiving. Yeah, we really got to be careful, man. We got to watch some of the way we eat. After Detroit, I had to take a look at my blood again. Oh my God. And December 12th and 13th, both nights, we're in Portland at Revolution Hall.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Also, starting on Tuesday, on May 6th, I begin my second leg of the Invasive Species Tour. I'm coming to Naples, and then I'm doing Fort Lauderdale Improv with Henry and Jackie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
at the uh that's going to be a side story show and then we're doing two shows at the funny bone the next night after that and of course i'm going to do the weekend in key west so come on out if you're around in those spots if you're on vacation in naples or key west please come hang out with us the late show in orlando still has some tickets the early ones sold out it's going to be a fucking blast i can't wait to come back to florida i actually truly love it he does and we're gonna have a good time no matter what you do we're gonna have a good time
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
So we'll see you out there. And if not, you won't be there, so I can't do anything to you. But if you are there. You never do anything to anyone. Yeah. No, I make them laugh. Yeah. Hail Satan. Hail Geed. Maurice. Hail Maurice. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
He kind of helped. Yeah, but he bought him the gun. He did buy him the gun, but he was stupid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
But he's the nicest guy in this story, I think. Everybody is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Yes, dogs. The dog that survived the crash. I'm going to hail the dog that survived the crash. All the way home.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Unfortunately, it's got to be somebody who's near the end of life. They make great human shit. Your life has been great, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
i knew this kid when my mom was watching like she was babysitting there was one kid who was just awful yeah his name was adam he ended up being like when i met him when he was older and he ended up being completely normal just straightened out yeah he just straightened out but like i remember like as a child i have this distinct memory of him ripping off his diaper looking my mom dead in the eyes and then just putting the shit on the wall
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Just being like, that kid sucks. As a four-year-old, I'm like, that kid sucks. It's a strong-ass baby that understands their boundaries. I mean, art of the deal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Well, there is also a cultural thing in Australia and in Oceania, right? The idea of not putting out the and not talking about the shooter themselves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Years. Decades. Maybe never. Never, never. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once the solar flare comes and wipes out the internet and then the first stockpile of guns and ammunition goes away, that's when we're really going to start talking about banning those guns.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
It's kind of because he's annoying, Shadab. Again, never deny what makes you special.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Now, what I hope you guys do, and we talked about this before the show, is that what I hope you guys do as an audience is it's time to take your history aids prep, especially if you're not going to wear a full-body head condom in order to list this, because the history we're about to traffic it, because I laughed when I read the script, because they were like, you know, we like to set up context here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
But then immediately, it was like, Back in 1789. I was just like, holy shit, oh, God, no. Oh, no, two episodes on Tasmania's rocks. Oh, fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
If you fall asleep, I'm railing your mother in front of you. That's how stepdads run in the school. Better than coffee.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
I had a feeling. I also feel like, yeah, we got a lot of runoff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And there's a lot of crazies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Or were you talking about a guy? the perfect drug is that heroin or vagina the perfect drug for me it's a leave because it really helps me with my joinish news mr resner come back welcome to the last podcast on the left ladies and gentlemen my name is marcus parks i'm tugging on your tunic mr resner please just let me in the clubhouse let me hang out with you i'm dark
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Man, give us our prisoners back. Yeah, man. I'm talking Australia, you greedy bastards. You know what's nice, though, is that you go to Australia because that's where the girls are hot, right? The guys are fun. The beer is cold. The koalas are hot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
Wombats kill people with their ass. I know. And they're also, like, apparently, like, they taste good. I love Australia. Me too. It's really cool. Except for this. Well, they learned their lesson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You cry in pain like a little girl. Oi, your mother's a platypus in jean shorts. Yeah. Oh, the way you're squirming around there, you're like a little girl. Yeah, nice mouth. Looks like you could swallow a didgeridoo. Hey, I want to take another whip there, won't you? A bunch of milk. I'm not a comedy writer. I whip. I'm sick of being forced to do all these business format. It's not different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
All right, so I'm just going to whip his butt home and not make another clever remark. Still better than listening to Silverchair. Hey, Silverchair is quite impressive for all being 17 years old. When are they going to grow up?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
And that's got to be so hard to just hang out because you're chained next to another guy. One of you is going to smash the brains of the other.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 618: Martin Bryant Part I - The Most Irritating Man in History
You know, like at some point you have to figure out who's going to make the jump first. Maybe you do it at the same time. Maybe next time. That's a funny looking rock. And then it turns into my sketch from the characters where you slowly form a pile of rocks that look like a lady and stick your dick in it. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
All right. Well, make sure that you get it on the chair. It's a screw up. That's a bed. I don't know anything about that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Good fake name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I think this takes place in the world where the Roko's Basilisk thought exercise is happening, where if there are supercomputers that run our future, they have then always existed. And if they do have power of time travel, then they can reach back and affect time in a way that makes sure and ensures that they develop and that they come around. And this is what they did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You don't want to hear from the men of Montauk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I was a wingmaker for a long time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Oh, yeah? Yeah. Hooters. B-dubs. Yeah, B-dubs and Hooters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the same, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I mean, not in charge of the universe, but I'd let them take out the trash.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Here you go, Ed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
If it's every 20 years, how did they end up in 2137? Because that one was different. That one... Thank you. Seriously, that is seriously the answer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
That one was different, and it's good to know. Preston Nichols believes in this. This is really all hinging on a lot of specific ideas in science and physics, I guess, which is the idea that time is a force. So part of what they say is, according to Cameron and Preston Nichols, that when cum touches egg...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You are born, a time space IP address is created for you alone, which is why you could travel back and forth across time without affecting the main timeline because it's just your specific time space timeline that you are carrying with you. But some of the problems with the experimenting of the Montauk Project can knock you off of your timeline, and that's when you start floating places. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I almost got that. Yeah, I think you'll see eventually, once I'm done with you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
The entire time. Time travel means that time technically is both real and not real because you can go back and forth. All the things are actually happening at once.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Can I ask a time question? travel question of course so while you're traveling through time do you still age at the normal rate yes okay so like if i go back in time i'm still 43 yes yeah all right and then if you stay there for a long time but time travel then forward can super age you after the fact
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
But even though it's not aging me at all, because it's still just... Your time catches up to you. And these guys went to 2,700? Big time. Okay. Super long. And it didn't age them?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
The key is you need to overlap your feet so the time water doesn't smash your balls. Make sure to hold your hands across your chest and make sure to keep your hands and feet inside of the time tube at all times. At all times. Including when you're time traveling.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I'm paying attention.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And then back to the moment in which they first moved. So they literally went through the time tunnel and then came back right behind where they were into a time tunnel onto the USS Eldridge to stop the whole thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I'm sorry, Ed. I've got to go back to the future. That's where I'm needed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Oh, boy, oh, boy. I hope I have enough soup after I assaulted that woman this morning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, so they had to kill that 12-year-old, throw him in the trash. They don't say what happened to the consciousness of the 12-year-old. They killed the 12-year-old. They had to kill the boy to make room for another boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You You wipe what makes the boy the boy and then you insert a new boy into what used to be the old boy and make a new boy. What is life?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Well, maybe they put the consciousness of this other boy into old deteriorating Duncan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I think they told the other boy that his his personality was going to be put in a nice field where it could run and fly. And they're all like, oh, you saw Mr. You're like, oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. And then just killed that boy. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Because that consciousness exists. So it has to go somewhere. So they are basically saying... We killed a boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Montauk Project was entirely about killing and making boys invisible. I know, but one of the boys, though, is now saying that they killed a boy. Oh, definitely. Well, he felt very sorry about it. In his tour of the abandoned Montauk Project, Duncan Cameron starts going, I'm sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
As long as you apologize. They're shelves. You should watch this tour. It's two and a half hours long, and it's Preston Nichols going, and here are the shelves in which they put the Montauk boys. You could hear them screaming. And over here, you could see the lockers where they held some of the boys. They were in there with padlocks. And over here, you see some more lockers for the boys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's all just like weird wooden structures.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
That's one of the additionals on there. And you can tack that in. It's in late negotiations. Why do aliens... Believe in treaties. There's no law upholding it. It's for us, Eddie. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
That's why we'll never know what their actual agendas are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, because the UN holds nothing over them. You know those things the OnlyFans girls use where they put it in their buttholes and their vaginas and they can pulse electronically from far away? Sure. It's the aliens. It's the aliens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
The Montauk chair, also known as the crazy boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Funny enough. Funny enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's all Paul Simon songs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, because that means Preston Nichols was just obsessed with the fucking, what was it? The movie by Mike Nichols, The Graduate? No, the other one that has, oh my God, that's another one. Graceland. Yeah. Wow, is this all Graceland based? Is this Graceland DLC?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
That is my whole thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
As long as it's not Rhythm of the Saints. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Of all of them, because Al Bielek mostly is known for the Philadelphia Experiment. He's the one that put all the Philadelphia Experiment stuff out there. That was like his thing. And it wasn't until Preston Nichols started talking that Al Bielek started being like, yeah. You know what I mean? So they all started putting their stories together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You can almost say that they were still crazy after all these years.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Can you imagine hanging out with all these guys? Like what it's like to hang out with Phil Schneider and light his cigar because he can't. He must be so afraid of fire. Do you think he's like Frankenstein's monster? He's like, I don't care.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I know if you're hanging out with these guys, you got to pick up the check. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And it better be. You might need to throw in some gas money as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Die. Get it. What a day. My life is gonna be easy. Some people, they fancy a man from Morocco And some people, they want a lady from gay Paris But me, I'll take a little boy from Montauk
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, because I could torture a bunch of kidnapped boys in a regular chair. It's so easy. You get a hose. You give them pictures of their mother and tell them she's fucking dead. It's actually fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He's there to force the boys into the chair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Excellent. But I don't think Mark Hamill has that ability. No. Mark Hamill is an actor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And I believe he can talk any boy into any chair he wants. But I don't think Mark Hamill's trying to. I think that these guys just really wish they had met Mark Hamill.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yes! So if the train goes underground, why does it have to be time traveling? Because otherwise it can't travel fast enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, and that was underground. It was levitating underground.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
But they're not going through time. They're going through space.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Time and space.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Time is what it takes for you to travel through space. I guess so. You know what? I'm going to take that. I'm going to take I guess so. I can't wait to see the fucking emails we get. Every single time we try to talk science on this show. This isn't science. I know it's not. Don't worry about it. I'm already hearing people that know science being like, that's not how the magnets work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
None of this is real. It's some of it. Who knows? Some of it might be real, but none of it is fully real. Montauk exists.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
At first, he was excited and he was engaged. Partially, it was the way that Preston Nichols described Duncan Cameron as he's a guy that can literally only focus on one thing at a time. And what he meant by that was that he said that Duncan Cameron had a special ability. It wasn't even necessarily that he was psychic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's that he was so well able to concentrate and without anybody else's interference that he could create pictures in his mind and hold them no matter what you did to him. You could fucking hit him in the knees with a stick. You could fucking pull on his belly. You know what I mean? You could give him wet willies and stuff. And he's still thinking about it, and he's locked in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And because what they figured out is the reason why they need a human mind to do any of this stuff is because technically it's too difficult to do the math and the science to make it up. But if you just think about it and you make up a time tunnel in your brain, you're doing all the work just by thinking about it. See what I'm saying?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You don't have the technology to build it, but if you just think about it being real and you have a psychic materialist machine that can make it real, then it becomes real because you're just thinking about it and it's using your mind thoughts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
No, it's the actual making of the thing. It's the power of the visualization of your mind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah. That makes sense. Michael Jackson used to write his songs by just like humming them and then Quincy Jones would make it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Preston Nichols downplays Duncan Cameron's abilities sometimes because I believe that Duncan Cameron annoys Preston Nichols. He just needs to take him down a peg or two. Constantly is negging Duncan Cameron. He's constantly being like, and that's what Duncan does. Like he always say weird, like kind of like passive aggressive. He's catching strays for no reason.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
There's like a whole section where I was like, and here's Duncan's pet. Like they're going through the Montauk area. And then he focuses on a daddy long leg spider. And he's like, and there's Duncan Cameron's pet. There's Duncan's pet that he's forcing me to take a picture of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And then it cut over to him going, Duncan Cameron was just going, I believe acting out the monster when he was doing this thing. And he's like, there's Duncan being Duncan. They're just talking shit. What Duncan could have used is a Montauk treadmill.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And I can't stress enough, the Montauk chair, when I first thought of this, I was like, oh, it's going to be a big, ornate, fun-looking sci-fi chair. Massive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's a recliner. It's a crazy boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It is just exactly the same chair my uncle sat in. We met Rob's family today. I know your father has a chair that he sits in, right? Yeah, he's got one. Right? Yeah, he's got a chair. My father has a chair that no one else is allowed to sit in. It's my father's chair. No one would sit in it because for some reason the chair itself has become disgusting. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Because he's melting his balls into it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
So that's the Montauk chair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It is just a tasty Long Island artifact.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's a brown recliner. I was expecting a metal chair with an electrocution helmet on it. I swear to God, it's a fucking... They got it from... They just went down the street to one of those dumb shit Long Island furniture stores.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Who's a dumb buffalo? Put it back!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Too much of a flex, Eddie. You can't do it all at once. It's just a giant building that just has like psychic emporium. Go ahead, set some more plates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Do you feel that when we were younger, the idea of people giving and using locks of hair for things was like a much bigger thing? Yeah. And now I have not held a lock of someone's hair in a very long time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah. Who would ever give anybody a lock of hair? Has anybody done that? Your mom probably. I have photo albums that my mom put together with locks of hair, like in the photo album. Yeah. I don't know what it was with locks of hair in the eighties and seventies and eighties.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yes, I've watched several long talks of Al Bialik, Preston Nichols, and Duncan Cameron talking. And you know what I have now discovered? You know what I've realized who Duncan Cameron is to all of them? Who? He's their French steward. He is a man that doesn't know that he is... You know how goofy neighbors nowadays, they'd all be diagnosed with various syndromes? Yes. He's one of those. Gotcha.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
So NSA psychosexual training. Yeah. It's basically just to like watch chicks in the shower. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Well, what this is, man, this is gooning. Oh, it is gooning. This is the power of gooning. And that's what this whole Montauk project is literally powered by gooning. And that you have to stay in a perpetually semi-hard state, which has got to be exhausting for a while, especially for a man and a beret. That he's just sitting there just absolutely, I don't, what would make him hard?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I imagine thinking about trains and thinking, I think Duncan Cameron would be super into Miss Peggy. You know what I mean? For some reason in my mind, I could see him fucking Muppets. I'm guessing sandwiches.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
This is what's happening in my fucking childhood home. This is what was fucking going on. It's why my mom was always like, all I ever do is clean. It wasn't us. It was Duncan. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Oh, definitely. Woodhaven's not that far.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I was born close to Long Island. I was born in the Jamaica Hospital.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Queens is the end of Long Island. Yeah. Yeah. So you were born on Long Island. Close. But it's... I'm from Queens, not from Long Island. But Queens is in Long Island. But that's not called, that's not where that is. It's called Long Island. Long Island's only a certain area once you get past a certain area of Queens. But it's all on the same island. It is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah. So it's the same thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You know what no one's ready for, neither one of you dickheads is ready for, is how this whole thing created the Amityville horror case as well. Oh, yeah. Definitely not ready for that. It's a whole side angle. This whole, do they mention that? You just have to read this stuff long enough. And then anything that has taken place in the tri-state area can be applied to the Montauk Project.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And that is the entire storyline. You ask me, how did the Montauk Project create the Amityville Horror Case?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
How did the Montauk Project create the Amityville Horror Case?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It just seems like Duncan's telekinesis is his excuse for getting drunk and breaking everything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I just want to ask, is there any way to switchy flip those? I'd have the other side be alive. The other side would be dead. Huh? Can we do a flippy switch? Is there a flippy switch machine?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Because right now I can't do things like laugh or dance or I guess dream or smile. I mostly just work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
My brain is dead. My brain is dead and I can't think of anything anymore. What do I think about? I don't even know how I'm talking. That's the thing. He's talking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
This is just a neutral comparison. Do people have hate for French Stewart?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah. It's a great excuse on how to fall asleep mid-conversation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I have to start. This is important, guys. You need to start writing this shit down.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
What is this, a fucking Gen Z fucking guy here?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yes. He's great. Yeah, very kind. People have an outdated understanding of the wacky best friend, and they don't understand that that used to be a super important part of all comedy. And French Stewart was great at that, but also that was the only thing he could do. This is a bazinga-based economy. And that is what he was pinning him on. I like the guy from the Drew Carey show. We all do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
But it was extremely difficult for him to concentrate on the tunnel. The tunnel took a lot of psychic energy for him to hold up, which is actually, like, one of the big problems of this whole fucking thing. Yeah. Because it's all depending on Duncan Cameron. And then you look over and you think about this entire... Like, again... Imagine all this is real. I am.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And then you have this $10 billion funded program by Nazi gold and a lot of pressures on a lot of people to figure what's going on here out. Right. You got the whole thing. You got to make these time tunnels. You're obviously building a lot of plans of this now. But then you look at your go to guy, the guy that's supposed to get the fucking rock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And the guy that's supposed to have the buzzer beater, and you look at him, and the fat, brown, lazy boy recliner that he's sitting in with a fucking colander strapped to his head. And it's fucking Duncan Cameron going, I hope today that we could go to the year 4,000. And they're like, oh, great. Oh, good. This is him?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
This is where you bring in the Sidney Sweeney. This is where you bring in the Zendaya. This is the whole second crew. This is the new generation. This is their fourth season.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You know what? I do have an answer, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I just love this idea of a portal opens up. This is a big time. And then you just grab a kid just getting done playing fucking stickball. You go and then they're like, they're throwing him in there. He doesn't come back. But this whole thing revolves around this. You heard about this idea how they test the Montauk boys to see if they're working? How they test them?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
What they do is to see if the time tunnel's working. They throw him in the tube. They throw the Montauk boy in the tube. Into the tube. And then they send him to the same year to calibrate their time travel. They send him to the same year. I think it's in that 2,700 year range. And they're supposed to find a horse statue. Okay. That's in a field.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And then they read the plate on the, the plaque on the horse statue. And then when they come back, if they could say the exact sentence that was on the horse statue, they knew the time travel worked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I can't read. Yeah, or you forget. Gosh, we've got to interview these boys. That's not a biscuit. That's a horse. I'll take a little boy from Montauk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, he's got Ryan Stiles. No, no, no, he was the normal one, the idiot. We're lost here now. We are absolutely fucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
The world could be gone by then. We don't know. We don't know what's going on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
What if you time travel to a time Earth is blown up, swallowed by the sun. When you time travel there, are you just floating in space? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Oh, yeah, and there's leap years.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, which makes the Earth fucking twice its size.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You know that? Yeah, and then all of a sudden I'm in Monterey. What am I doing here? I'm going to miss when the Beach Boys started. I was here for the Beach Boys' first concert, but all I got to do now is fight World War II.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Can't even fucking, yeah, you can't walk down the street in Mars without fucking tripping over a pyramid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Did he say, I'm sorry?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
No, he said, I'm sorry to the boys. And I bet you one of those boys was Barack Obama. Yeah. Because Barack Obama was on Mars as a part of a different time traveling boys scenario on the Project Serpo storyline, which was all happening at the same time. Barack Obama was a Project Serpo boy that was trained in space slash time travel. And he actually was on the planet Mars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He was a part of the team scooping up that ancient technology from those pyramids. And if you don't believe that, you can just check his birth certificate. Yeah, you go ahead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
So it was Conan O'Brien.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He's just like... Duncan Cameron is just like... It's a very cartoony-sounding monster.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He did like they had a pad. Right. So they had a thing where where they were developing and is it eventually they use the time travel portal to squirt things out of it. They had a special receiving area that would be like a 3D printer for a bunch of all these things that he was making up. And that was when the monster came through. Right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And that was before because it was I guess it's like Preston Nichols because again, Preston Nichols says he did not organize anything. No. His job was to run the ones and zeros on the chair. That's what he did, right? He's just a tech guy. So who organized it? Von Neumann? Von Neumann. Yeah. Von Neumann and Al Bielik.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And all the people above, all the people that we don't know above all of this, right? And the wingmakers, the robots from the future. And so this is a, it's all real. So this came out. He was already feeling upset because Duncan Cameron was watching all of these boys disappear and he missed the boys and the boys were his friends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
The boys were the only ones talking to him because he was a lonely Long Island weirdo and there's nothing a bunch of like Long Island weirdos for some reason always sort of attract. Like a bunch of weird fanboys. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
No, I know that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
No, he'd be talking about if it happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Unless you had your mind wiped.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You know, they exist. They do. You can hang out. It's hard these days. It's not the same.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You know what I wish that we could do in this generation that we can't do? It's entirely innocent, but I miss it. Seeing a random little boy in the street, giving him 10 bucks and saying, go get something from the store for me. Come back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Like a mobster.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I miss that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah. That's nice. That's very nice. We had a guy in our neighborhood who used to take all the kids to the movies all the time. Imagine that happening today. He was a solo dude. He was a solo ass dude living by himself. And he would take us all to the movies. And we'd come back and be like, Oliver, company was great. And, I mean, I'm fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, you didn't get got. And I feel like it was a lot of home. You ever go to a home babysitter that had a bunch of other kids in it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I thought you were going to say tied you to a chair. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It is very, also very funny to hear Preston Nichols go, the monster. The monster came through here each time. And you can see here at the height of the monster. We're saying it's anywhere from 9 feet to 30 feet. Everybody's got something different. Everyone's seen the monster from different angles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I feel like we're going to get emails. Of all the things that we cover, I feel like a lot of people are like, I did it one time. We smoked opium twice. You shouldn't do it. Well, you did it twice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And honestly, super humiliating because I never played horse with a Bigfoot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It is. All of this is fun. This is like, they also said a lot of this difficult part was that because the U.S. Eldritch, according to USS Eldritch, Never shut off. Yeah. That's like one of these things that they kind of say that, like, that experiment essentially destroyed and changed reality in a way that was real bad in this timeline.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And what it did is that it also made these things last a super long time. So it actually, when they said that when they finally cut all the power supplies off, I thought it was interesting that they said the monster didn't immediately disappear. He, like, slowly, part by part, disappeared. Rawr!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
now i'm imagining the red monster from bugs bunny that's a good one that is a good one yeah i feel like that's the one i would do with this yeah now following the beast rampage in which it killed a fair amount of scientists and i would imagine a whole slew of montauk boys i'll die for you
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
But I did, and I'm awesome. You smoked it twice. I smoked it like 30 times. Wow. Handful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Good work, boys. Thanks for all your hard work here for the U.S. government. Now, go be homeless. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
See you later. Yeah, like, when they wiped their minds, did they still know, like, English? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
30 is a handful? Well, let's not do this. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no. Let's not do this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Well, they said that, to be honest, he was such an attractive candidate for all of these super secret things because he got a master's in parapsychology from Long Island University. Where he said that this was the most, he's like, I couldn't believe that I had my own master's degree in parapsychology. It's the only one ever given to anybody. Here from sweet, sweet Long Island.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Didn't he also claim to have a degree from the University of Tampa?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yes. Okay. And he didn't?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I don't know. According to dark files, he didn't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I don't have the legit information. Okay. I have all of this information. All right. I'm sorry. I'll retract my question. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I ain't going in the restaurant to see if they got reservations. But I just want to know. I want to know if they got it open for nine, 15. for 12 people because it's my sister's communion. She's coming through a whole thing. We're doing a whole thing. People come in from out of town. You get jammed up because you're eating all that cheese. That's the problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And then I can have a little arugula that breaks it up, some prosciutto. It's just too much mousseline. That's the problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He literally could just go to the field and just take all the shit from this place. That's the same thing that John Smith did with Pocahontas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's printed on paper. They're like, you know what? We were all going to care about this. Just fucking get the fuck away from me and my parkway.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And there's something about you that I wish that I had in a friend. And I wish we could go to dinner. And I wish that maybe after dinner...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's just because I'm not inside!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's kind of like, this is that guy. It's the exposition man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Because I couldn't see past my pendulous Long Island mantids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Duncan Cameron also likes to dress like a small-town choreographer. He dresses the most turtlenecks I've ever seen in Long Island. And he wears a beret.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I know, buddy. You smell like piss and you look like shit, but I gotta say, you're saying things I like because it means I was a boss to somebody. It's all this man's fault. And we're going to get to that here in a second. We're seriously going to get to that here in a second.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
No, he's telling the truth. I can tell he's telling the truth, and you owe him a recommendation for working at Bally's Gym.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, so you could hear. Now, Preston would come back on and on again. He'd go back to the Montauk base. Now, I found and sat and watched this two-hour-long tour of the Montauk base. I was in the bath. Okay. Ah, you're Bob. I never felt so fat. As I was sitting, I literally sat. I had a beer. I'm in the bath. I did the thing, too, where I look and my, like, toes are out of the water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You know, like a big kind of fat style. I have, like, I have a little head pillow I was wearing. And I sat with my, and I'm watching my UFO documentaries. And I'm just sitting there watching it in the bath and stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
This is how you're going to die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I'm just a big fat dumb fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Who's going to find you in a bathtub with a laptop electrocuted you? No, it's on the sink.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
The laptop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Laptop's on the sink. Or on the toilet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Because it's shitting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Into my mind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
This is the bunker where the Monk Talk Boys project was done. This is where the boys were actually stripped of their minds. And the mind was reformed through computers and reinserted in the body of the boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, this is two hours of this pointing at random things inside of this building. And they put it to this very, like, it's one of those things where I kind of almost feel bad for the younger generation because they don't get the magic idea. This is a fully digitally captured VHS tape, and you really get the feeling of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He really is. I think in the future, we're going to see a lot of turtlenecks because so many people are getting neck tattoos. Yes, and they're really upset. And they're getting a little loosey-goosey with these neck tattoos. And I think we're going to see an influx in turtlenecks, so invest now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You could see why it felt real if you were watching this on a shitty TV in your rumpus room. This would scare the fuck out of you. Yeah, it looks crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Oh, yeah, it's an abandoned military base that they somehow have total access to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Because no one cares about it. Nobody cares what's happening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
We were in the middle of the local softball game. It was the Plumbers Union versus the Firemen. About 25 badges came over the... One of the railings of the field. My God, the blood. Watching those Union guys, my proud Union boys and my fire boys just beating the living fuck out of all these badges. Beating them to death with the baseball bats. Spread the blood everywhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It was one of the craziest. Honestly, you even got to think about it. We were laughing a lot. Yeah. You know, but it was just, it was unexpected. It was the day that hooky Joe died of the heart attack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers. That's from UHF.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Hey, or, totally opposite, neck removal surgery. Whoa!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I can't stand the idea of people hanging out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
People just visit? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Oh, can I also add, at the end of all this, I just want to tack on a little bit of the real world stuff of watching the Gilgo Beach murder documentary on Netflix, talking about how the Suffolk County sheriffs, they literally covered up the entire serial killer's reign to cover up the fact that they were visiting the same sex workers that the serial killer was, Rex Neuermann.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And it seems to just kind of be a part of that. Yeah. All this could be all an extended part of that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
So the Montauk boys are the serial killers in Long Island. No, the Montauk boys are the boy sex workers. Let's say sex volunteers. They were forced through these scenarios and stuff. They were super upset about it. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I sent this to Marcus. I sent him not this one, but I sent Marcus a clip of Preston Nichols hanging out in his house. And I said, do you even fucking lift, bro? This man, his entire life is sound.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
If you walk into us watching footage of his home, obviously we talked about the wall-to-wall sound equipment and the stuff going on. But his ceiling was just pumping out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
religious radio right like really really intense and on top of his house sits what he does is a rebuild of a fake thing called the delta t antenna according to preston nichols right he put the antenna on top of his house and i want you to hear now he shot some video in this bass tour he shot some video outside of his own home and i want you to imagine you live in east islip
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You're in a little suburban country. It's like a nice house. And this is your next door neighbor. He has got a 12 foot tall pyramid shaped antenna on his house making this noise. That's just from the, this is from the street. You're hearing the noise from his house. This can't be good for anybody. This is why they have pots on their head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He is surrounded by 9G, whatever this shit is. He's constantly frying his brain. He is frying his brain. He sleeps in this shitty, like, bed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You can see the whole antenna structure here. This is the Delta T antenna.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You got it. This is the... It's just... I can't even imagine. But it's to nothing. It's not... It's connected into his speakers. God knows what it's doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, but I know not all of them. I know that we disprove that radio waves don't really do anything to you, but I feel like if you're covered in them, it can't be that good. It's a different type of white noise. Aren't you supposed to not be under power lines?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I don't think anything is supposed to be that humming that loud that you're supposed to be sleeping under.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It could be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's very possible. I have, like, obviously I have a cockamamie. There's so many different ways. We talk about this, like, what's the truth here? What are we seeing here?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
The truth is that nothing happened their entire life, and then this guy came, spouted nonsense at them, and gave them a purpose for being alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's true. Or, like, you know, on one level, like, the very top of it, it's all true, which is obviously not. Sure. But then I have, like, a fun middle theory that's, like... Okay, let's just say during this time period when the intelligence offices were running amok with black budgets and they could do anything they want. Let's say you have a couple of wingnuts, right? Wingmakers, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You're right. We got some guys that decide, let's see what these microwaves do on a bunch of little boys. Which is not that far away from what they were doing with MKUltra. It's not that far. So it's like, what if at some point they are frying a bunch of players, zapping a bunch of people with these rays? Preston Nichols said something interesting on an interview with Art Bell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
That he said that was like, he was kind of talking, this was early in the story development. He said that... He had a thought that the time travel never worked. That it was all mind control. That all the time travel stuff was an implanted thing in their heads to make them sound insane. And that actually what it was, was it was an entire place that was just frying boys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And that eventually some government guy was like... okay, what's happening here? We're doing what here? And then said like, get rid of it. Get rid of these fucking idiots. Make them homeless. Get them out of here. And then they stumbled back later on. You can't convict me of a crime. It's 2137.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
We did it too good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, because they're fucking weak and they suck!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I'm going to say this right now, guys. Remember, we just went through a little bit of a ride in the stock market by the dip. The U.S. Psychotronics Association, that stock's on the rise. We are trying to make it go public. Buy in. Time to buy in. Let's go. Psychic stock going up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Man, it is the Highwaymen, dude. They fucking, they just feel that groove, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
They all just, one drops the bass, the other one picks up where the other one left off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, being fat. Ford Hero. That makes so much sense. The sandwiches.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, that fucking dumbass mathematician who doesn't fucking do stuff that matters because math is stupid. He's the one respectable person in this whole school. He's the person I hate the most.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Hi, nice to meet you. Yep, you guessed it. The curtains match the drapes. A lot of people don't know this. It's actually pink. It's pink as all get out, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
That's a crazy day, dude. That was crazy. You ever had venison ravioli? We did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
That guy's smart. That guy cutting grass, he gets it. He doesn't need the fucking rat race. He doesn't need the corporate ladder. He just loves sitting on that mower, hanging out on Long Island.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, they do because of the fucking, it's gravy. It's a son of gravy. That's, those electric sharts, they are in a Montauk chair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, buddy. The guy's a fucking, Mr. Penis White is fucking a bummer. This guy is a fucking, that Gardner knows what's going on. Mm-hmm. Now, despite very brief... Oh, he's taking his overalls off again. Put your overalls on before we talk to the guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
That actually makes a lot of sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
The Aleister Crowley stuff we haven't even gotten into. They also claimed Timothy Leary was there. We never touched the nine rulers of the White Lodge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
This is the show that it should have been. I understand why they didn't do Stranger Things this way because of all the sexual assault that would have needed to be portrayed. But I think that the rest of it could have been way interesting if they did it that way. Because what are they, Dementors? What was the monsters from Stranger Things? Demogorgons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, so the Demogorgons are kind of like the beast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And was it called the Upside Down where they went?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
What was the one in Get Out? The... Undergrounds?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It's all the same.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Can you please pronounce it correctly? Delta T antenna. Antenna.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
So this is all from brain damage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
But I had to find a sunken pirate ship, and it was like a whole thing where they were trying to save their house. And then I went down there, and they were finding all the treasure, and there was an Asian kid with all the technology, and then there was a fat kid who was kind of funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You can't say he didn't want to be one. It's like he put Vaughn in his name. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Without being a professional skier. I feel that he was like, it's not that he wanted to be one. He was one of those that liked the jackets. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
That's how they look under. For me, that's like the fucking breaking point. Can you just imagine giving a Montauk boy an invisibility suit? He'd just be in the girl's bathroom.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He wouldn't leave. He'd just go. It was just a good fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He's just naked, and you're like,
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Hey, I'm not naked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Get that Montauk boy out of there. That naked Montauk boy made criminals out of all of us. He's not naked. He's wearing an invisibility suit. I can see his invisibility dick. Oh, I get it. The suit's invisible. Not me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You can't even see him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
They don't come, remember? They're gooners. Oh, but not anymore. I'm retired. Goonies! That's what I'm saying. Oh, my God!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Can I actually play a bit of my research, the example of what it was like when they went back? So he took one of what he said, one of the most famous psychics from Long Island to the Montauk base. And this was her reaction that shows that, as a matter of fact, it was all real and it's continuing to happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Or Hugo Boss. It's all the same. No, it's not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Oh, that's horrible. Oh, horrible in here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I think that that's also a common problem across the board. Yeah! People want it. People want to be a part of these giant...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It feels good to be included. It feels good to have purpose. And stuff like this, it was also different, too, because back then, information did travel more slowly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
You had to go actively search this out. This would not fall on your lap. If you wanted this dumb shit like we love, if you believed in this stuff, you would have had to go like the original tape I saw was in a guy's house with them talking. This was before cons and before all the stuff. Well, there were cons back then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yes, but it would take you going to a place, searching it out. Now it's just there. So this mostly, I think Montauk originally really worked on the fact that they couldn't immediately check. You're dealing with people and you're saying a bunch of fake stuff necessarily or stuff that they can't check on in the moment. And then you can blow right past it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Call the library. You have to do all this stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah. Oh, and there is, wow, Rob just put up a picture. He chose that his picture from his social media avatar has the control tower of the Montauk Project in its background. It's the sage array. Finally. You know, and your father told us some good stories. Your father visited the studio today and he told us about the missiles going out to Long Island. Oh, yeah. He's exactly as I wanted him to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Exactly as I needed him to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Now, I reconnected with my Montauk person, my connection over there. And he said that he'd never heard of boys going missing during the 60s and 70s. But there is, in fact, a giant bunker out there. There is. Because his father was stationed there when he was older.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
There is a giant army base there. There's an army base there. We just maybe don't know what it did. Well, he said that the bunker was there kind of as like a nuclear fallout shelter. And we didn't even get into all the animal biohacking that came from because, again, that's what Preston Nichols was the one thing that he said he was forbidden to talk about. Was the animal biohacking? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Not time travel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
No, but changing animals to look like different animals. The biological edge of the experimentation was super secret. So it was like Dr. Moreau shit? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
But guys, I think that this is still my favorite conspiracy theory because it was back when this shit was fun. It was fun as hell, and I wish boys could time travel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
It probably would have been thicker if the Pope of Judaism, Steven Spielberg, didn't live out there. Maybe he would.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
They're all on the same team on Montauk. That's how it is. Patreon.com slash last podcast on the left. Watch us by giving us money. And also go to at LP on the left for all of our social medias.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Come and check it out. And go to lastpodcastontheleft.com to buy tickets to see us live. Our show is better than ever. And we will be... Tonight! Tonight! We will be in Detroit at the Masonic Temple having a fucking blast. It's just the Masonic. Not the Masonic Temple. I still love it. I love that fucking venue.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I mean, I can't wait to see it. I'm very excited to be in Detroit. Yeah, it's awesome. It's going to be very cool. And then we're going to be in Toronto right after that, but it's sold out. It is. It is. But right after that, I'm going down to Florida for the second half of the Invasive Species Tour. And so am I. Yes. May 6th, I'll be in Naples.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I'm trying to talk Henry into going to that show, but it doesn't seem like it's likely. We'll see what happens. And then Fort Lauderdale on May 7th. Oh, yeah. And then Orlando on May 8th. And then I'm in Key West all weekend from May 9th through the 11th. So come check that out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
And of course, in June, we're going to Atlanta and just go to last podcast and a left.com to see all the shows we're doing all year. We got a full fucking schedule. So go and check us out. We are hitting the road this year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Contact in the desert. We're going to be at crimewaveatsea.com slash lasco. We're going to be doing a fucking side stories cruise. Come check it out. It's going to be fucking wild. Oh, yeah. Well, I've learned nothing and everything. I'm just glad I'm a Woodhaven boy that never made it out to the island.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He created a nice story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Yeah, I mean, everyone slips up a little bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Not according to my research. Time travel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
He was doubled. Eight months?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
We just figured we were there for the first trip. We might as well be there for the second. Is that right, brother? Yeah, it's not like we'll get fused to the ship. But hopefully, brother, maybe we can be fused. Penis to butt. And finally, I can forever be inside of you. I mean, if we're not fused together, we could do it over and over again. No, that makes it gay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
If it's done by science, it's an experiment. Upcoming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Thank you, Mr. Von Neumann. I mean, Dr. Van Neumann, because you didn't go to nine years of Neumann school to be Mr. Van Neumann.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Teach me how to soak my brother.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I'll fuck you inside your belly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Is there a problem? I talked to Ryan Coogler this week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I'm already there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Grab onto my back pockets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
All right, shit brother.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Hello, Ed. How you doing? I'm sorry I don't have a Montauk Boy song for you. It's fine. Do you want to try one? Okay. I was a man from Montauk. See, no, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I think part of what I have issue with is we still just got TVs, huh? Yeah. We still just got TVs at SAD. Yeah. Well, and hospitals. And hospitals. Not run by robots. This whole thing's just so funny. Just like them all showing up at the hospital and then being like, yeah, you took a bit of a time travel trip right here, but we're going to have to do you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
Unfortunately, we're going to have to do your space colonoscopy because you've actually passed the age for it. We're going to have to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 616: The Montauk Project Part II - Livin' in the Future
I only know chairs. Oh my God. Your ignorance is so fucking hot. He's so from the year 1943. I'm going to fucking, my fake two pussies are starting to kiss. This is an air on chair. That's a chair, a wooden chair. Excuse me. I have to put on my pleasure butthole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I've never been that upset. I can't imagine that that's the way to do this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
That's a really great story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
It's horse shit having to share a plane, all the different parts, having them getting together and then finding a captain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, you remember I Love Money? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Is that VH1? I don't watch reality television. You didn't watch VH1?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
So I guess 2009, yeah, I was already living in New York. I remember hearing I Love Money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, maybe. That was before I was really working. No, 2009, you were poor. You did not have cable either. I was broke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Well, I think it went until 2010. Oh, okay. I just remember something. Yeah, sure. I just remember all those VH1 shows. I liked VH1. I liked VH1 when they played Rod Stewart. Yeah, I loved it. That was incredible. That's a television show. Of course. And then late night video, you used to do the sexy videos. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah. And the Joan Jett song, Do You Want to Touch Me There? Oh. She's a lesbian, apparently. Joan Jett? Yeah. You can barely tell. I didn't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
So what I hope, all right, yeah, we got a middle episode here. We're about to do a huge series, but we want you to do, before we get there, all right, you're imagining now, set yourself up to your true crime, like your whole environment. Yeah. You're in a hotel. You've had three or four glasses of white wine. Yeah. You're in tractive... you know, middle-aged woman. 60-something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, then we realized, oh, he's an uncontrollable murderer. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Your boobs are like clouds. Your hair is like clouds. Your eyes are like two green-brown clouds. Your ears are there. So you can hear this poem and your feet, by God, I'd cut them off to keep you next to me. Is that a bad end or?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
These guys were really, this was a lot of partying was happening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Do you feel like they ever sat sober one time, like, having a rotisserie chicken or, like, hanging out? And then just being like, you know, babe, there's something about this that's, like, doesn't feel right. Yeah. I hate just sitting peacefully on the couch with you watching television. I kind of wish that we were somewhere doing cocaine and fucking screaming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I love it when you think of sober people as just people who eat rotisserie chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
We're just going to sit here and we should kind of talk about maybe our future if we're going to date. And he's like, oh, wait a second. All of this is... Horrible. I'm going to go puke up this chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You've got a fluffy robe on, right? You've got a fluffy robe on. You are moist. Think about this. You know when you do that thing, ladies, one of my favorite things the ladies do or anybody does. Yeah. When you get freshly out of shower and you get slicked up like a big eel. Oh, yeah. And then you're slippery and it's nice and you're getting moisturized. Now you're ready to go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, I think that that was going to be a long trip.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Natalie told me that. It's okay to overpack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You've already killed them. It could just be in the car. Very good advice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
The problem is that, let's just say, this guy had a hard time sort of like not following his impulses. And so I think his main issue is that he's very impulsive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Here's one pair of pants. I've got 50 tank tops. Here's my bronzer. Here's my hockey stick. That's everything I've ever had.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I'm taking Canada by water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I gotta go buy water. It's the only legal way you wash yourselves on the shores of Vancouver. Driving around the fountain of the Bellagio?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You got some cheddar popcorn. Yeah. Get your vape going. Get your vape going. Open up Reddit. It's time to ruin somebody's life. Let's go. It's a true crime day, isn't it, ladies? Come on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
This is like fucking crazy harder than I thought it was going to be. Maybe I can tell them, oh, all right, yeah. Yeah, I had a super rare hamburger the other day. I just said to the guy, I was like, whoa, this is a lot of blood, man. Why are you giving this to me in this paper bag, man? This is all kind of a corporate issue. We're going to have to deal with checkers. I'm just going to...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
dispose of this car in the most populated part of Los Angeles. Exactly. Right? A perfectly anonymous spot. Hollywood and Vine. Perfect.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, I had a big ol' appointment. I gotta go talk to the head. Moose. Yeah. Thanks for answering for me. Oh, Jerry. Jerry, the head of Moose. Yeah, I know him. I got to go talk to Jerry. I know him. Yeah, he's a good friend of mine, so we'll come back there. We'll wrap up that murdered wife thing once I'm back in nine to 12 days.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Coming back and there's nothing you can do to stop me. He could have just taken the boat to Canada. He could have driven a car. And so he's just walking. I mean, like, I know exactly how to get to Canada. Go north and just walk in a straight line.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
My thing is I got to stay anonymous. Everybody's coming for me. They all saw me on television. I'm a known quantity. All right? I'm a superstar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I'd put him, Marcus, G. I don't know if he's that high.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I guess we'll just suck that up or something. Yeah. We already have sucked it up. It's ours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
All right, Ryan, look around. Which one of these do you want to die in? All right. Do I want to take the charger? No. They're upcharging me on that. It's crazy what they want to do. It's like $600 a day for that. Do I want to do it in a Tesla? No. Not electric. Yes. The PT Cruiser. The ultimate suicide destination automobile. That's because the roof is so high. It's perfect for a noose.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
A lot of people, they go down to the courthouse to get married, but they might as well stay there because what they do afterwards is going to put them in the slammer. Sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Nothing I like better than killing myself and a PT cruiser in the town of Hope.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
He crushed it. He fucking crushed it. He's screaming at her all night. Oh, yeah, all night. They're all like, this guy's hilarious. That's the only thing they thought.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
No, I purposely lost it. I chose to lose it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
And the president of VH1, he took those tapes... As the tears came down his face and he put it down in the sacred VH1 vault next to Rod Stewart's tiny pants. Next to, what was the other guy? Van Morrison? Oh, yeah. Tiny shoes. Next to all that and just cried a tear knowing that the single best season of television will never be seen. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Where else are you going to see all the Paula Cole videos and the Natalie Imbruglias?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
He was super castable. That should be the fucking comeback. He won. You know what I mean? If he didn't almost win, we'd be wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
We casted him correctly. Yeah. They told Megan not to pick him. Yeah. Oh, wow. So the hands are clean.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I saw that one from Fatal Vows. Fatal Vows is good. I certainly don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
So in the end, VH1, they set him up, they gave him a bunch of money, they put him all together, they did all this stuff, and then they made money on top of it. Yep. That's America. It really is. That's America fucking giving it to Canada.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
What are you going to do? How's Megan doing? She's still around. Right now, she's been doing, she actually made a little bit of a life doing. She did Nancy Grace a couple of times. She did a bunch of true crime shows.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I love her. I love that little lady. But she actually, she was nominated, she won the Fox Reality Television Awards Award in the year 2008 for Favorite Awkward Moment from Rock of Love 2. What was the awkward moment? It doesn't say. I'm just looking at it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
her Wikipedia but Mary Carey who was another who was a believe a porn act no she was just a playboy model and they were all they all got it once I think that they they kissed or something they did something together the three of them Brandi Cunningham was also involved I did watch Beauty and the Geek but I don't remember her from it I mean I watched it sporadically yeah I think in a hotel room it was kind of felt sad it was very sad yeah it's one of those that sounds like a fun idea but then when you do it it's it's really sad
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
And probably inspired a lot of evil geeks. You know what I mean? To want to even score.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Well, now we have another tale coming up. And so let's get back in the mood, Rob. Sometimes a woman, a man or woman and a woman or man and a man fall in love and they decide to get the government involved. But the next thing you know, everybody's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
That was a little bit more jazzy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yum. Yum. Christ and the fucking Crunchwrap Supreme. I mean, hopefully you got a Mexi-Melt. Do you know they're back?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
But this is the thing. I do find it interesting that she decided to, like, this is another example of young murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I like the jazzy. Let's see what else we find in the next time when we bring it up for the next story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
The goal is someone that is going to do a lot of free home labor, that will carry a child, and that will generally be silent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I just always love an engagement. No matter how it ends. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
We gotta make one of these. Yeah, I've been thinking about this in terms of like, you know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
The 666th episode. We should do 666. I feel like there's something, the idea of, no, like we should start a process, like a kind of a production company where we help non-talented people to make music videos like Rebecca Black, they usually do those types of things. Yeah. We would do all of it, but it'd be great for like, we do the other side, funerals, divorces. This is great. Like,
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Oh, the worst things happen. Yeah, we're there to make it better. We're making it better. We'll help you make content for your husband's funeral. A one and a two and a one, two, three. Jimmy's dead. Jimmy's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, and it kind of felt like that. But that kind of music makes me feel like I'm outside the police station. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Before this next take, let's think about Dawn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You know, in a way, sometimes humor, it does help alleviate some tension, doesn't it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
But if all of your friends, and this is a tip, if all of your friends are really publicly joking about when you are going to break up with your significant other. It's bad news.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
And it's creating an environment in which something bad might happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I'm getting married next to a tree. I don't fucking give a shit. I do what I want to do just like the wolf.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Totally just had a meltdown. I'm completely second-guessing everything. I don't know if all of this was the right thing to do. So much happened last night.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I'm talking never, every minute, every second. My eyes are wet. And my mouth is making half-nices. And my babies are going up and down with breaths. I'm not happy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I should be. Shouldn't I? Look at me. I should be the happiest girl in the whole world. Instead, the angriest lady in the whole neighborhood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I don't want to. It has nothing to do with this. Yes, it's about our marriage, but it has nothing to do with how I feel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, he seemed to be fine with it. Not me, though. And she never hurt him, right? Not yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, absolutely. Let's go. What are you talking about? Oh, yeah, I guess that is nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, you go kayaking after church in Montana. Yeah, it's sunny. It's a day of rest. If someone came to me in Los Angeles and said, do you want to go kayaking? It feels like it's because we're evacuating. We have to leave because there's an emergency.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Okay. Cody, I'm so glad that you joined me for this meeting. First of all, surprise. Totally unhappy. I just want to say, I hate you, I hate your dick, I hate your attitude, I hate your clothes, I hate your vibe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I need to be next to a pinecone. In order for me to enjoy myself, in order for me to be centered, then I have to hear a gerbil. I must be amongst the dirt and the mulch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Hey, let me go check if the SUV's juiced up. I want to make sure we can make it to the middle of the forest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You know, keep going. Keep driving. No, we're not. We're not. We're not hidden enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You don't love me enough to argue with me in the dark in the middle of the wet. I dare you to argue with me by this log. I dare you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
No, fuck you. Do you have any of that weird sound that you use for hands to grip onto the tiny little hard edges of the mountain? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You got your Nazi armband on. I just said the enemies. We never know. We don't know which one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
It was so fucking crazy. Cody said to me, he said to me that a little boy with a feathered hat came into his house the other night, right? And he took him to a land of little pedophile children. There was a whole pedophile island that he went to with these little pirate boys. And they went and he came back and he said all he had to do was be positive and he'd fly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Oh, yeah, I guess you're positive for being a dickhead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I'm going to let that fucking bitch Beverly get that four for five ragu sauce deal ahead of me. I'm canceling it. My husband's going to be dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
It's crazy. I disappeared. I went into a totally white area where I was downloaded with a bunch of information of how to use guns in Kung Fu. And he was right in front of me. And we went back and forth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I was like, you're scouring me, Cody. Get off that tree branch, Cody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You know, Cody. Yeah. It's called Stranger Carpool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
The Vroom Vroom Boys. Have you ever heard of the term? They call them Zoom mates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
They do... pretty passive homosexual activity inside of race cars. Passive? What is passive? What is passive? You stay there. Passive. Naked together? The thing is... Just pet the penis. Pet the penis. Okay. That sounds somewhat active. If you're passive and you're with an active, you're not gay. Oh. You're a passive. I see. And you're with an active.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
And an active is doing all the machinagana and you're just getting the blagana.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah. Because it's a separate reality. It is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
No, I'm a private eye. And I often follow cars. And I know how to dare properly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
He was at Hungry Horse?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yay! It is in. It's in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
That's what it was. Yeah. Well, right now, Leo's a vegetable.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Rock of Love. Yeah, Rock of Love. Yeah, Rock of Love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the bandanas. And then you had the one with Brooklyn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Everything's fine. Guy went home to sleep. No mystery. But it's... Can you imagine looking into a missing coworker?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
But I mean, back in the day when we were working in offices and shit, can you imagine looking for somebody?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
He's in a better place now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
He's probably like New Orleans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I'd love to do an interview.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You'd say that to tits? How fucking dare you'd say that to tits? That's my new name, by the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I can't even believe he had the gall to put what kind of man he was in it. This is what Tony said. My name is Tony. There's no bother looking for Cody anymore. He's gone. Sorry, past. On Twitter, I thought I would air Mario. This is from Tony. He had come with some buddies and met up with me on Sunday night in Columbia Falls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
He was signed and needed to be with his buddies for a bit and take them for a jar ride. Tony sings. In an email to me, I'm Jordan. He's a car man. He's a car man. The 607th. You wouldn't believe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Honestly, for a second there, I was super nervous. But good work. Again, clever and arrogant. Here you go, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Why did you suddenly turn to your mother? It's so weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
It's a word. According to some of the research I've done, Zoom mates, they work in packs. And they like to go outside. And that's just something from the research I've done about Zoom mates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Can you even imagine what it'd be like if he was thrown from this cliff?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Have you seen this flat, man?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
The bottom of a creek bed. Honestly, he really wanted to see the creek bed, literally, directly in the seconds before he died.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Honestly, I got to go drink some water so I can cry. This is where my husband's body is. I'm going to go now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Just understand, this is...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
And you can get an amazing deal on a set of travel gear yourself. Go to Away Luggage. Code LastSpot90. We actually don't think they do. They don't sponsor us, right? I've never heard of them. They're great. I have them. Actually, I have no connection to them. I think we have a way. Yeah. That's who they are. That's who I use. Yeah, I like them. Because they're a sponsor. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Tell me a well-trusted imaginary friend of mine told me what was happening. God, she's so uncreative. It's Tony. Tony. Carman Tony. Carman. He was a carman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You know, I thought there'd be more car men here. None of the car men showed up. This is so disappointing. I gotta talk to car man Johnny. He's the other one. He's my other friend. Does he know car man Freddy? Do you know car man Freddy? Do you know car man Johnny?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
My mom is implicated in this. Oh, my God. I can't believe mom. Oh, my God. Don't tell me you guys to do it on mine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Bring it back around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
And I'm really trying to, I'll never blame Cody for this. But guys, don't do this. Do not do this. You go to the most people. You go outside. You go where there are witnesses and humans. You don't cross to a deeper terrain when you are in mid-fight, ever. Yeah. Go to a poker tournament in San Diego. You were there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I blame what Looney Tunes did to me and told me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
And I think that this is the time for us to really talk about second chances. Yeah. If you just look at her, she's cute. I'm looking at Jordan Graham right now, and I just think that, honestly, there's some lucky man out there that's going to make an honest woman out of her. I can't wait. Just make sure she's honest about being ready. You really need to be ready when you're going to a marriage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
The key to ask her when you're going to ask her to marry you is to be like, are you ready? Ask her twice. Yeah. And if she says yes twice, then she's got to be legally ready.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Sign a prenup. If she kills you, then she won't get all the money. That's a great idea. Yeah. That's a great idea. Specifically if she kills you. Yeah. Wow. We learned a lot today. We learned much. We learned to be afraid of your wife and husband, which is what I love about all true crime. My favorite, all the shows, it's like, you know, like there's the world's scariest neighbor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
There's the other thing. I love that show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yes, I'm really proud of them. We're all true crime people. I'm ensconced in true crime 24-7. But next week, we are starting. I'm going to say, I am so excited for this series. I'm very excited for this series. We have got a lot of shit coming up. So I want to say thank you guys for being here. Thank you for your strength and honor in talking about the L.A.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
fires that we are currently in the middle of, which is the reason why we had to push our big series for a week. But it's good to be back. We're safe. We're stronger. The winds have died down. Stronger than the storm. We're going to be all right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
No, it'll be on the left for all our socials. I don't know what TikTok is going to be. We have no idea, but it'll be on Instagram. So go on there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I will say it's great for marketing, which we've just found out. Yes. But.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
It's bound to happen. And also, food's great. I can't wait. The food is good in Dallas. Oh, yeah. I would have never expected that. Of course, buddy. Barbecue, man. Barbecue. And Mexican food. All of it. Tex-Mex. Cheese.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Zoom mates. Hail Zoom. Hail Zoom. They banded together to corrupt my husband.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
It's fun that sort of you can hear the download numbers go down. Yes. Yeah. It's fun in a way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Okay. No. Listen, but let's just say... Do you think that having no teeth, no fingers and toes would keep someone from making love to your corpse if your corpse otherwise was banging? Well, we don't know that they took the toes. I'm just saying in terms of general. Henry, your premise is flawed. I'm just saying in general, do you think that'd turn off a necrophiliac? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
See, I was thinking about can you resell the breasts? And that's why he's half Jewish.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
And that is his real name, but it does feel like a fake name you'd give to somebody in Las Vegas. Oh, yeah. Ryan Jenkins. Ryan Jenkins!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
She really does. Yeah, yeah, enough to make a show about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
I like the fact that, again, it's a woman who knows what she wants. That's straight up and down. I will say to the potential suitor of someone like Megan, if she's made it through three different celeb reality dating shows, made it through various rounds of it. Still not a millionaire. No. She's never once found love. She's never found love. I don't know if it's up to you, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
If she can't love Bret Michaels.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You never know, man. Sometimes an emotionally stunted multimillionaire can only be married to a playmate that he meets on television. Because if not, if he doesn't do that, that man is going to run for president. Yeah. And what is going to happen is that he is going to subjugate us for the rest of time. This could have been an alternative story. It really could have been.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Yeah, sure. I think that you and me, bro, gonna be friends. Sure. You have a million dollars, right? Yeah. Cool. What kind of car do you drive? Nothing ever since I got hit by the ambulance. That's how I made the money. Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
It's called the Bolex, and it can also fire little darts. I think a fake Rolex makes a lot more sense than a real Rolex. It does, because it's absolutely stupid how much a Rolex costs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
There's something about my general demeanor that makes people just come at me super antagonistic. Maybe it's because my dick is so big it's in my shoes. Maybe. Sometimes when I talk, people get mad. Listen, I don't mean to sound like a misogynist. I just think that women are toys to be broken with my massive hands.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
How do you make their brains bigger?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Oh, wow. That's how you stretch their heads.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
They sort of actually cared about... Yeah. Well, the producer strongly suggested to Megan Hauserman that she review her options. And as a result, she sent Ryan home in the second to last episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
You didn't get the money. The whole world is embarrassed on national television. But don't worry. I'll call you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
We know that people claim that shots came from behind the fence. We have people ducked because they were fucking heard bullets whizzing by them and shit, according to their testimonies. So who would the other shooters have been?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Because Kennedy had recently fired Dulles. Yeah. Because he didn't like what Dulles was doing, and he hired, was the guy's name McCone, I think?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Was the head of the CIA that Kennedy hired? I actually have the four names, right, of the guys that might have been a part of the team. Okay, great. Hermanillo Diaz Garcia, who was a Cuban exile, right? There's another guy that was shady, didn't know whether or not he worked for the U.S. government or for the Cuban government.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
John Sultre, who was a French assassin, who had apparently also tried to kill President Charles de Gaulle. I can't for us. Right. These are part of all. I remember all this from back in the day. Like all these people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
2020.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And then Jack Cannon is another guy and Charles Nicoletti. These are all like shady guys that have all been sort of in and out of the JFK story and have either said that they were there planning to shoot JFK or have been blamed. And a lot of them are just shady, weird, either assets or guys who wanted to be assets that have over time inserted themselves into the story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Do we know that they were in Dallas? Yeah. There's a lot of stuff. Yes, they were. Essentially, there was a guy named Bill Harvey who worked with Operation Mongoose. There's a CIA dude who was another guy that said he was orchestrating it. He was the one who put the four of those guys in town. And he said that they were Operation Mongoose was the ongoing CIA attempt to kill Fidel Castro. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
So this guy was a guy who was in charge of that. He said he was putting the team in place in Dallas and inviting them all through separate means. And one of the big theories is that they were all individually there to kill JFK without knowing it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
That each one was set up to kill him without the other person knowing that they were all working as a team.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. It's probably good planning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. Fly from your grave. Now, if the CIA is involved, we know that George Bush worked with the CIA, later became the director in the 70s, and he worked with the CIA. Is there any chance that he was involved?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I tell you who benefits. The Mexican restaurants. They got the tacos. They got the tacos. They don't know tacos and sliders are ass to ass. And they know that they are fighting for oxygen together. And they just want to shut it down. They want to shut the slider economy down.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Vander... Vander... Vander something. He was one of those dudes that was a full on... They built...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Well, why would you want your future CIA liaison president to be remotely involved in something like this? Yeah. So if you are... But it's 13 years down the road. You don't even know that he's going to be the head of the CIA. If they are thinking long-term like that, that's again... So you have to think about it one way or the other. So it's either there is a giant...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
conspiracy embedded in the intelligence services and the military. Right. So let's say if that is real, then imagine that they have been planning the fallout from this since, because now you have to look at what are they trying to angle towards? Like mostly they didn't like the JFK told them, no, they don't like the JFK.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
The intelligence services didn't like the JFK was going to not allow them to do unfettered warfare in Cuba and across the world, no matter what it is that they wanted to do. Right. LBJ seemed, I guess, to be more amenable to that. But he wasn't necessarily like the guy either.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
So he wasn't real. So he also was trying to get out of Vietnam.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
All right, my boys, my dirty boys. Man, I miss sliders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But you're going this far. So again, let's just say they know they don't want any players to be able to not step into place the second that they can get them properly going. So I don't think anybody that would be able to make those calls would have done it or been involved because they would have been kept separate because that's how these, that's how they work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Because they know it's outside of the Fort Knox system. I think tiny tacos should be on the rise. I hate tiny tacos. Whoa. Love big tacos. So hold on. You like tiny burgers. Yes. But you don't like tiny tacos. Correct. This is a you problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
CIA and NSA work so that the right hand and left hand don't know what it is that they're doing or what the other one's doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Keep quiet. They just don't. I refuse. But they disappear. Well, they do, but still.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Blind loyalty. You don't think do we have enough of that? No. I think there's enough Americans that are blind loyal to do crazy shit. I mean, look at the military.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But waivers. Blind loyalty is also, loyalty is a very funny word. It's like there's something about it. Like we all want to bank on this. We think of this. It's actually a very toxic concept. Kind of like faith, where it's like you want something without evidence. You want prizes without work. You want something without loyalty believes, oh, these people are going to adhere to me no matter what.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But you know what? Loyalty is funny. Loyalty shifts. Things go back and forth because loyalty not deserving is something you're going to have a bunch of people. Who at first believe in this idea about JFK being eliminated and want him out of the way. Think that the CIA is correct. Think NSA is correct. You want him to work. You want to do all this stuff. But then on some level, humans change.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Humans like, and if you have so many people in the mix, there's just not, I just cannot believe that there's not one of them. That's going to want to spill the beans with the receipts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Your opinion changes. If you kill a bunch of whistleblowers, your opinion might change.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. Oswald. So I'm pretty sure we all think that Harvey Oswald was involved. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. So is he a patsy, though?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I am not the only one like me. That's the only thing I have learned. Do you wish that spaghetti was just one big piece? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
What about that weird photograph? The one with him holding the Russian document and the rifle in his backyard where the shadows don't line up? Was that faked? Because he always claimed it was faked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
They had said that it was faked. And I could see it possibly being faked again to muddy the waters. Like, if you're going to fake it after the fact, it's really just to put more blame on him and more blame shifted over because the government is obviously very, if they do believe, if they are covering up a Secret Service fuck-up, having it be a lone gunman is what you want.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You want it to be the lone gunman. So I could see you pushing some information that way. I just think that Lee Harvey Oswald was too much of a talentless fuck-up To make history purposefully.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And he probably was going to spill some beans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Oh, yeah, he was going to spill. He already was spilling beans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Well, that is my next question, actually. How did Jack Ruby know Oswald? We know he owned a nightclub and he had ties to organized crime. Yeah. But how did he know Oswald? Oswald. Because they knew each other personally, right? Maybe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I would. As if you would not eat an entire loaf of just pasta dough. I would. You wouldn't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
That is real conspiracy theory. That's real deep in about whether or not you believe that they had any sort of run-ins with each other. It does sort of seem you could see how a local fat fuck
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
might want to just be a part of the story like again there's more i do think there's a lot of that that i do wish was he a showman like that yes he was a very flashy guy he's a local known entity he was kind of he thought of himself but he's like as a mobster kind of guy and a patriot yeah and a patriot the idea that you just like being like you're gonna come into my town you're gonna come my town kill president of my town i killed presidents in this town yeah you're
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
ask you a question. What do you think it was that he was going to say?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
That's a part of me that I want to know. There's a part of me that actually wonders if there's more... When we... Humans don't like an open loop. An open loop makes people crazy. And so what they'll do is jam a bunch of stuff in there to make it like... I think that a sinister view on this is a much more comforting view than something kind of dumber mixed with more human.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
No, I think if it's related to anybody, it's Big Pharma. Okay. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Where what if Jack Ruby is there to say... I had heard about Lee Harvey. He was like a guy, he was kind of in and around, right? He was kind of a local scummy guy. Who knows, he could have come to his establishment a couple times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But maybe Jack Ruby was even providing more evidence that Lee Harvey Oswald was a backwards fucking shithead that couldn't...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
fucking nail a tin can from 25 feet away maybe there's something like that i don't know like maybe the idea of uh they all wanted to make sure that nobody talked that nobody talked about it at all because if you look at what jolly on west did i'm looking this up what he did to jack ruby so he goes into so jack ruby had attempted to commit suicide he's put back in this room did he have cancer
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yes. He was like freaking out inside of his jail cell. So they send in old cryptic Dr. West to go talk to Jack Ruby. He comes out saying Jack Ruby is completely unreliable. He believes that there is a massive Jewish genocide happening. He is he's in a acute psychotic state. He says all this crazy shit, which we have not heard from Jack Ruby. Yeah. We never heard he didn't talk about this before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
We didn't say this was there was no manifesto. There was nothing like him talking about what he was connected to before. So I actually think that this is definitely some kind of hack job on Jack Ruby because he might have known just like he might have just been another person. I mean, like, oh, Lee Harvey Oswald. That's who you think is the master assassin. Like, I could definitely see that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yes. Well, I know that, oh my God, there's a place called Rock House Sliders. Yeah, you just have to look harder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And so Jack Ruby, they're saying he had lung cancer that spread to his brain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Oh, it's very possible. And so that's why he went crazy and had delusions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And he died within a year, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Do you think that it's possible he knew he had cancer, and that's why he committed the assassination of Lee Harvey Oswald? Maybe. He knew he was going to die, and he's like, fuck it, let's just go out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. All right. So we CIA major contender here on the murder of JFK. Sure. If anybody did it, it would have been the CIA.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
They definitely wanted to. But I will say they're just not great at doing assassinations.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. You know, they obviously they tried to kill Castro hundreds of times and they didn't get him. Yeah. Now, do you think it was possibly. Alan Dulles loyalists because Kennedy fired Dulles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Well, didn't technically wasn't the one person who technically put a leash on the intelligence services, Gerald Ford. I believe Gerald Ford was the first one that said, like, you need to report budgets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You need to actually tell us what you're.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
doing so up until then they were given kind of impunity to run i think that because what because what we learned from world war ii cia and the intelligence services and their win with the manhattan project gave them sort of a blank check to kind of do whatever they kind of let them do whatever they wanted back when they were the oss yes and so now it's killing a president affects their job, too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, sliders. Sliders. Sliders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
So, an assassination is a lot more, like, you can get a lot more done with psychological use of information than with an assassination. Yeah. Because if you just shoot a president in the head, unfortunately, like, it will also cascade into a bunch of reactions that you can't control.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But if you're looking to control reactions, you have to kind of – with the Hegelian dialectic, the idea is you create a problem. The same organization creates the problem that creates the solution so that you can kind of guide the response to both. And so there's – to me, there is like – They get a lot more leverage if they let some psycho nut communist kill the president.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
This is fucking, they're ahead of us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And then they ride that for informational psychological warfare. It's a lot more effective than than just straight up shooting him in the head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Oh, he was the fucking, he was like, he was fucking everybody. He was coming over everything. He was like, they said he'd get his medicine. He was fucking three chicks a day. Like he had an Epstein penis. Like JFK is a nice guy, I guess, but he had an Epstein penis where he had to be milked. Three or four times a day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
We're going.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Now, do you think that maybe that's all things to discredit Kennedy and make him look like a bad person? No. Well, because he got the same thing with MLK.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
No, they're just horny guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
There's only people doing what you want. No, because they did it first and I won't. No one can have them. I can't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
They're stressed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But that's the thing. They did do it on MLK. They definitely already used that stuff. And JFK, I feel like they were holding that in its pocket. At the time, it was really the first time the United States of America, I believe, were like... I think our president's kind of hot, and I like it. It was like, that was before, like, you remember, that's the first optics president.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Well, it was the, what was it, the first televised debate. Yeah, the first television. And anyone who saw it said Kennedy won, and anyone who listened said Nixon won.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And then Jackie was like, Jackie changed the idea of this idea of a, of pop culture, like, a pop culture edge to the popularity of the politician. That was something that also never really kind of happened before. I know that, like, technically, I guess, uh, Like Elizabeth Roosevelt. People liked her. But it wasn't like the same.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
What's her name? Eleanor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But the thing with Eleanor is Eleanor was like an actual politician who was invaluable to the nation. Jackie brought hats. She was beautiful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But the hats and the fashion are like what we were talking about with Anders Breivik and this kind of shit like that. Fashion and that stuff actually moves way farther than your political actions, especially in the United States of America. Putting the pop culture with Eleanor Roosevelt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But then Jackie showed the power of that other side and what that adds to your political power.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
She was packing that booty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yes, but also...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I love my favorite. I know she's the quote machine, Eleanor Rosenau.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Oh, yeah. You never know how... A woman's like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in the hot water. And then she went like... She'll remember that favorite quote. She's like, get up. Yeah, my favorite... Get up, stand up, and just talk to me like a...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
My favorite Eleanor quote is that you can't be intimidated without your own consent. Yeah. And I think that's one of the most beautiful things I love living by. All right, so. MKUltra. This is what they train assassins through mind control. They wanted to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
So any chance that Sirhan Sirhan, James Earl Ray, Lee Harvey Oswald were victims of MKUltra?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Sirhan Sirhan. Yeah? Quite possibly. You know, it's not victims, right? There's... now that there's more evidence showing that Charles Manson might've been at one of these, uh, testing, uh, areas. And then you have, uh, Ted Kaczynski. He was a part of some of this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yes. Yeah, no, it's basically, I mean, I know a lot of this stuff where I have like my own thought on it, especially today, because we're going to... center on government conspiracy. There are other episodes just like this coming out down the road about serial killers and stuff like that, which we have already recorded. But this one is about government conspiracies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
It seems that it's not almost, there's a, there, there seems to be a lot of coincidence when you fuck with somebody's brain, right? When you, when you drop a bunch of acids there in their heads and they don't particularly understand that that it is what, what it is that they're going to be taking. And it's not our fun acid. It's not the stuff we take for fun. It's you. It's like, An IV? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
That shit's fucking real good, dude. Yeah, it's gotta be crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
That I think that it has a tendency to leave behind somebody who is shattered and violent. And I think that it's not so much that MKUltra caused these things as that if they were a part of these things, it might make somebody who wants to kill a public figure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
He's trying to start a race war, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And the next one I want to do is on aliens. Sure, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Which can be looped into government conspiracy, but... What? I would like to get art done where it says the education of Miss Ed Lawrence. Like, yeah, yeah, no, Ed Lawrence. I'd like to do a thing where it's him in that thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
What was the thing he ate?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, he ate the whole fruit or whatever. It's like a thing that you boil. Like, apparently that was a big thing with Tex Watson was that they would regularly do hallucinogens. He was a garbage head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And they did like a thing with something like a peyote type thing where they boiled it. They boil all the hallucinogenic tea out of it. But then he ate the stuff at the bottom of it. And they said he was never the same that he walked around in his hands and feet for a while. And then he came back and he literally was just a fucking psychopath.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You just wanted to eat pussy and hang out for the most part, but he was a career criminal. It's too hot in Death Valley.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I think that'd be fun. Yes, that'd be cute. I think that is adorable. Yeah, so today we wanted to talk about government's conspiracies, and I wanted to start with what I think is, like, the biggest, meatiest one, and, of course, that's JFK. Yeah. The assassination, not his, you know, his accidentally winning the presidency.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
That's the thing, though, man. These are the human factors we're talking about. He's a fucking pain in the ass, weirdo dude. At the time, he was there for drugs and pimping and stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
He's so tiny, but you look at him, you're like, oh, he's harmless. Who's he going to hurt? He's crazy. Get out of here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
He didn't accidentally win. It's just his older brother was supposed to be the president. He was the shining light. He was the one that everybody wanted to do something. But then he fucking died like a pussy. Oh, I didn't actually know about this. Kennedy's brother died? John Kennedy's older brother was like the... the one the family thought was going to go all the way. Kind of like Jeb. Uh-huh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Get the fuck out of here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
We also now know for a fact that CIA definitely was plugged into the Laurel Canyon scene, was plugged into all these different areas, right? They definitely were. So then you partially kind of wonder, was every member of the Manson family a genuine member of the Manson family? Was anybody member like that's where a conspiracy theory could maybe come out?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Maybe part of the reason why he's saying leave them alone is because they're dead in the center of a bunch of essentially a dead intelligence op that they don't understand that they're in the center.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Henry and I had a bunch of great sliders in Detroit, and we missed those sliders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And now the CIA and the U.S. government doesn't need to do big ham fisted. We're going to dump acid into the water. We're going to do all these things to kind of fuck with people because now they have the total complete control of the flow of information. Yes. So now they can really fuck with us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And I think that that's kind of one of those things that I'm trying to explain more to people is that they don't need an MKUltra 2 to fuck with us. We are fucking with ourselves. Look at us reacting to the, you know, however you feel, like the idea that we had an objective reality five years ago. We have a novel virus that is fucking with society. And no one's happy about it. No one likes it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And look at how we reacted to it. They don't need to fuck with us. They don't need to fuck with us from within. Human beings' natural paranoia and lack of media literacy alone is enough to manipulate millions of people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Like they thought that Jeb was going to be the one to take it. And then when he died, it's like JFK essentially, because his family was extremely competitive. Like they would, the father would like make them all like do debates at the dining room table and do all this shit. He'd, He'd raise one in favor and knock one down.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
The wrong guy read Snow Crash a long time ago is what we're seeing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I was reading a really interesting book about how part of the reason why I think they can't directly control who we are is because we have this thing called consciousness. So consciousness, they don't really know. The question always is. Where does consciousness come from? What you know, but it's never been. The real question is, what is consciousness good for?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Why is it an evolutionary part of what humans have? Why was it? What was it a thing about it that made us superior to the other animals in order to do this? And that's why consciousness, because there's one side. It's like we view it as a great gift. But what actually was actually a massive problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
It was. And maybe that problem is that that I, that personality, that thing that what we call the, you know, and when you do mindfulness, they talk about the observer, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
So you, when you go away into mindfulness, when you go away into a meditative state, there is a, when you're deep, deep into it, the idea is that you're trying to get to this idea that you're looking at the observer of your own mind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
which is there is that voice, the thing that talks about the thing that makes you Eddie or the things that kind of makes us what we are, but they also fuck, it deeply fucks up. actually good decision-making. Like, consciousness is actually a massive hurdle. It's a huge energy suck for our bodies, and it really fucks up a quote-unquote, what's the best way to make a best decision?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And then JFK doubled down when he had realized, like, when he went to war, he became, like, twice the hero his brother was to get the same amount of love that his father gave his brother naturally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Like, if you look at how our consciousness acts unconsciously, like, you know, the idea that we don't, your brain is making the move half a second before your arm moves. Your brain knows it's making a decision. These are the types of things that make human beings' behavior extremely unpredictable.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
and at the very bottom of that that very very bottom that is why the state the why the concept of a giant overarching conspiracy controlling human behavior will never shake out because humans are in you can throw game theory you could throw they try to do every time and they're always like huh but they we never you never really expected but you know like look at all the people polling all the politicians pulling all the shit humans just make decisions in the moment yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yes. You know, as a whole people. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And, you know, with consciousness and all that, I mean, like consciousness changes with a brain injury. Yeah. You know, like it's like your personality can be one thing and then like you get zapped or you fucking get hit by a car and you're a different human being for the rest of your life. Oh, yeah, man. Oh, yeah, buddy. And so that's what MKUltra was probably going for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Now, I wanted to go back for two seconds. I know we're getting down to the wire here. Because the 60s are the most interesting part to me. Of course. I think they're so crazy. Everyone always talks about how this is the worst time in history. It's like, the 60s were really fucking bad. They were crazy. They were just very, very crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
No, for sure. For sure. How, it's Sir Ian, Sir Ian, James Earl Ray, you know, obviously, you know, huge figures in changing history. Are we, how certain are we that they worked alone? We don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
He says he does. He didn't. But, you know, how are you supposed to believe anything he says?
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Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You know, you can't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I mean, you know, killing Martin Luther King Jr. at the time. Again, I don't think it's as a... I just don't think it's as effective as people think it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, and it's not like with Kennedy, there's not like a magic bullet. There's nothing, you know, there's no crazy things like that. It's pretty cut and dry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yes, he had a target on his back and they went for it. And when you kill those, but also what the CIA knows and stuff is a lot of times if you kill those guys, look at what happened. Their movement blows up, right? So it's the same thing. It's like there's way more nefarious, more capable things than assassinations.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Oh, yeah. No, they changed. They definitely changed it. But again, it's coming against the which is it's another example of so you were your big the new government's conspiracy theories at the weakest point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
members of our society are the ones fucking it up yeah which i think is really interesting the idea that trans people and people with with autism are the problem which is literally they are fucked yeah they're notoriously peaceful yeah yeah well i mean whatever it's more just they're fucked
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
What I don't understand is why are there not more slider-based restaurants? We talked about this the whole time while we were eating those sliders. I feel like sliders are being left behind. I feel like that should be a new... Because we had, obviously, fancy hot dogs. Then we had donuts. Then there was Korean tacos.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Because he was all metal. Also, Rockhouse Sliders is in Kuwait. What? Oh, is it? This is a restaurant in... Somehow, my first... I typed in Slider's Restaurant. This is a conspiracy. I typed in Slider's Restaurant, Los Angeles. First thing that pops up is this Kuwaiti Slider-based restaurant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I'm just glad that we can tell our employees with autism they don't have to pay taxes. Does that mean we don't have to pay them as well? Do we have to pay taxes as well on them?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. All right. Last one. I just need to. If it's too big, we could just tell me to go fuck myself. You know, but Marilyn Monroe killed by the government. Yeah. I don't think so. You don't think so? You think it's just a straight-up drug overdose?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I think that she was killed by the government and the fact that she fucked the president of the United States of America and it did ruin her life. Yeah. I think that that's what you could mean by killed by the government. I don't think that they needed to whack her to ruin her life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And I think that being involved with the Kennedys automatically ruined her life. I think that everything that was attached to them... became poisonous. Everything changed. They used her. She was an innocent woman that was attracted to these people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
She was a great actress. She was able to manipulate pretty much all of men.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I read beautiful... I think Marilyn Monroe was an extremely... She's a misunderstood person, and she was not manipulative at all. She just didn't know what to do with herself. She was so smart, and she's intense and beautiful and emotional, but she was attracted to a type.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Powerful. And so those were types. And she had access to that. And so she got access to it. And I just think, again, I just think we put a lot of stank on this idea that these people need to be assassinated when it's like, I think they don't. They knew that she was cruising for a bruising anyway. And if she needed to, if she was going to spill the beans, she was going to be dead one way or another.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I think that she did. legitimately was just really saddened by the shakeout of everything and committed suicide.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Any legitimacy to the theory that she was pregnant with JFK or RFK's child? I don't think so. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Why did you think it was Australian? Because there's Deliveroo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, they destroyed American supremacy across the world. They did everything that they were supposed to. We fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
As soon as it happened, I was like, this could have been done by five people. It's one of those things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Again, that's why on one hand, yes, a conspiracy...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
does take a lot of people but you know think about it in the 9-11 conspiracy they're all dead so everybody that was involved in that side of it in terms of the people that might could have talked about who would have paid for it they're all fucking dead we've never seen Osama bin Laden's body we don't know any of this type of shit so it's like there was a couple of guys we had like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed like you know like we did there were definitely guys that we got yeah like that we took alive but I'm just saying this is the next episode 9-11 is our next conspiracy episode yay yay
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Let's do it in September. That's a great idea. September. Yeah, buddy. Oh, it's actually perfect for when we go on break. Yep. All right. So next time, 9-11. After that, COVID. Great. Yay! Perfect. Yay!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But I thought British has something like Masher Dasher where they come on these.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Can we talk about it soon?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Oh, I'm honestly, I am getting ready to talk about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. Hell yeah, guys. Well, thank you so much for talking to me about these things. It's good to really like bounce the ideas off. I still think our theory about the workplace accident holds the most water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
It does. I just think, to me, it's so funny because everybody thinks of it the other way. I think it's so interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, and something like Assgrass and fuck shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. Three shots, right? Total?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
BiteCatering.net also has a slider bar option. Oh, okay. I'm looking at this. It's in the L.A. area. I'll make you sliders, all right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
If you would have came to Easter, I had ham sliders for everybody. I was asleep. Yeah, you fucked up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You fucked up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You could have had ham and cheese with mustard sliders yesterday, but you chose to stay home.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You know what's weird? I say that on a ham and cheese, that to me is just a little sandwich. It's not a slider. When you put it on a slider bun. But I feel a slider is different than a little sandwich.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah. They're pillars of the English language. All right. So JFK, we, you know, we as a group here, I think the three of us, we all enjoy and almost lean towards the theory that Kennedy was accidentally shot by a hungover Secret Service agent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
He never does that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
No, I think that a slider has to be... I think I don't believe the whole episode now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Well, hell Satan, everybody. Thank you for being here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Go check out Green Dot Stables in the Detroit area. It's one of my favorite slider restaurants I've ever been to. I love that place. God, that fish fry sandwich is so fucking good. I'm still thinking about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
It's going to be a great city in five... It's a great city now, but it's going to be a truly great current mecca in America in five to ten years.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I utterly love Detroit. Detroit. And it was just wonderful to be there. And I just thank God we get to do shows.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Free the RoboCop statue. I'm sick of this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Okay? Fucking get your ass to my show. If there's happenstance that you are in Key West, I am there Friday, Saturday, Sunday doing badass shows at Comedy Key West. Come check it out. But next month, oh my God, we are booked for the rest of the year. We are. All right? June 28th, Atlanta, Georgia, the Coca-Cola Roxy. July 12th, Salt Lake City, Sandy Amphitheater.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
August 8th, Charlotte, North Carolina, the Night Theater. August 9th, Durham, North Carolina, the Carolina Theater. September 20th, St. Paul, Minnesota, the Palace Theater. October 11th, Pabst Theater in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. October 25th, Oakland, California, the Fox Theater. November 29th, Cleveland, Ohio, the Masonic Temple. December 12th and 13th, we're in Portland, Oregon at Revolution Hall.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
It is going to be amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Also, we got side story shows attached to Atlanta at Dad's Garage on June 29th. And then, of course, Henry and I, the beautiful Crime Wave at Sea. Go and see it. Crimewaveatsea.com slash last. We're going to have so much fun, you're going to die out there. That's right. So come on a cruise. Henry and I are doing side stories. Three nights of shows. It's going to be a blast. So come check it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And we love you guys. All right, you fuckers. Hail Sweet Satan. Hail Marilyn Monroe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Go watch some Like It Hot. My week with Marilyn was a really good movie. I don't know if you guys checked it out. It was very good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Definitely. It's my favorite theory.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
It's not what I'll say happened, but it's my favorite one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
And there's some pictures with him holding the AR-15 and then there's other pictures without him holding the AR-15.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, where they said they might have old school airbrushed them out the old way they used to do photoshops, which is essentially they would take the photo, they would refuck with the actual negative. They'd actually scratch it out on the negative and then republish it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, and they also, like, he could have just shot it and then put it down in their two separate photographs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Sliders had their moment. When? When? Oh, and I would say like 2009 to 2015.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Well, the conspiracy theory then begins at the mortuary. It begins after they're doing the medical examination. The cover-up begins immediately. Yes, because they lost the brain. Well, quote-unquote, lost the brain, unless they did it on purpose. Of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
When was the great slider revolution?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You don't lose the president's brain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You'd be surprised. We don't know where Einstein's brain is. I saw a slice of it at the Mütter Museum. No, dude. That's just, you know what that turned out to be? It's ham. Sorry, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
It's the gross shit. One big kind of like major motif we have on last podcast on the left, which is which has kind of both made people happy with us and angry with us, which is awesome, which is we believe that most conspiracy theories. Hinge on human activities in very small juncture points in history. I view things as happening way more subtly, not as much of a grand plan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
You didn't have any money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, we were poor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
More things happen accidentally, either because of human error or just human agendas to begin with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
But sliders are for the people. Yeah, I know. When I worked at a restaurant, I had a bunch of different sliders I would sell at the poorhouse. That's different. You, though, literally, you're the only man I know who was a chef that was at the very forefront of slider technology, and you were doing sliders all the time. I remember when you brought sliders to the poorhouse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Because a lot of people had motive to kill JFK. When we did the series, you'd cover how, like, there was definitely a reason why you'd think that CIA might want to kill JFK. They had total motive to do it. Why there were obviously the Cubans and the mafia and all these people that could all come together. We joked about how JFK was the most killed man ever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
There were so many people there to kill him. But the actual mystery start, the city of Dallas didn't want him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
They put out a full page article like, don't come here, go fuck yourself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Oh, yeah. And Lee Harvey Oswald, though, did in his own personal diaries, wrote several entries pro JFK because JFK was willing to speak to the Russian consulate during the whole Cuban Missile Crisis thing. So he was like he had little moments in there. So that's why I believe there was a series of convoluted mistakes slash actual what you'd call a cover up. But they were very human.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
So the first cover up happened because they were. Secret Service was fighting with the local Dallas doctor team, the medical team at the morgue, right when they were working on his body, that's saying, we're going to take the body directly to Washington, D.C. And the head of their, the coroner there was like, no, this is a homicide. And it's happened here in Dallas. So this is my jurisdiction.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
We're going to treat it like any other homicide. And they said, no, you're fucking not. That's the president's body. We're going to do anything that we want with it, which is why they essentially stopped
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
all the body they were fighting over it as they were getting it onto the plane but we now believe that's why but we think that the reason why the cover had happened here is because the secret service were just covering their own ass to cover up the biggest workplace accident in american history world history i would say yeah and and it was because it would have made america look so foolish
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I also refuse to believe that Lee Harvey Oswald was this, because everyone kind of says, oh, look, you see now, like, recent, the new dump of all the JFK documents. But there's nothing in there. No, but there's more. The one thing that is in there is more corroboration that Lee Harvey Oswald was pinging these various, like, other communist consulates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Like, he tried to go to see the Russian consulate in Mexico, and then he went to Russia, and he went back and forth. And there's a lot of people that put this sinister...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
filter on it saying you see here he might have been a double agent he was working both sides but if you then read the reports about lee harvey oswald they all say the same thing this guy's a fucking idiot we don't he's unreliable and he's showing up drunkenly begging to be a communist and coming to russia and then russians are looking at this guy they put him in a little hotel room to watch him when he first comes because they're like what this what is this guy's fucking plans
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
All kinds of different sliders. But you're the only place where I saw a lot of sliders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, he seems like he works for our government.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, so it's like, what is he doing? It's because what do we know about intelligence services? They famously hire people that are out of pocket. They hire people that have bad reputations so that you automatically mistrust anything coming out of their mouth, no matter what it is. It's all sliding together, the truth and lies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I had a curry chicken slider that was fucking awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Now, Lee Harvey Oswald was a Marine, correct? Yeah. And was he a great marksman?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I had apple slices on that bitch. But we went to Green Dot Stables in Detroit and they had the fucking fish fry slider. It was real good. They had fried bologna slider that was really good. The fried bologna slider was really good. That's what we need back. It's like, why are the sliders everywhere?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I was just there. It's fucking very hard shot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, you brought your rifle, too, and that was awesome, too. Surprised what they let you bring in there. We threw the watermelon on the X, and you were just able to just pew, pew, pew.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I was, first of all, surprised. Yeah. Well, because it's very interesting, because you look at the window where he shot Kennedy from, there is a much better shot when Kennedy's coming up the street right towards the window that he didn't take, and he took the harder shot as he turned and went down the street.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Because he was not a trained assassin. Yes. And he was just a man with normal boot camp training that also was not particularly good at that. And when he got shot, I also bought one of my big conspiracy theory beliefs is that he was not there to shoot JFK. He was there to kill the governor and that when he shot, he missed the governor. And why would he want to kill the governor?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Because the governor was he was I forgot what it was. He was he was angry about something. This is all from his journals. where he was ranting about the governor, he was ranting about all this shit, but he was like, he kind of did the whole like, and fuck you, and fuck you, JFK, you're cool, blah, blah, blah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Like, it's like this very strange, he pointedly was angry with the governor, but then it depends on whether or not you believe that was placed by CIA.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Yeah, for sure. All right. So here's what I want to do. The Secret Service thing makes the most sense to me personally. That's fun. But there's no way for us to truly 100% know that's correct. We'll never know. Yes. So what I want to do is I want to talk about some other options. Okay. Because I was just there. I was, honestly, had a lovely afternoon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Wasn't it nice? Yes. Did you talk to any of the conspiracy theory buskers? A little bit, but I didn't want to give them money. Conspiracy theory buskers are my fucking favorite.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Oh, I bet. Visual aids. You've got to be careful. Disgusting. Gotta wear eyeball condoms. So, all right, so here's the thing. I'm there, I'm walking around the grassy knoll, I see the corner of the fence, and I see the X, I go behind the fence, It's the perfect shot. Yeah, it is like the like perfect fucking shot. And we all know he was a very hated man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Are you saying it's a conspiracy? I think it's a government conspiracy. It's a government conspiracy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Okay. All right. So, Gladiator 2 Denzel Washington.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
So funnily enough, we will be in Salt Lake City in July, July 12th.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
He always has.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
This story is not a commercial for good policing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
There's so much extra land in Idaho.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Wow. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
That's crazy, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
That was the old one. Maybe it was just in Florida. Oh, maybe it was. I don't know, but I loved it. Taco Bueno? Don't know it. That's Texas. Texas, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
He's so bad at it. If he's a former crematorium guy, he should know that a backyard fire isn't nearly as hot as a crematorium.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
It has to be a useful one. It takes a carpenter to give a good circumcision.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Ha ha ha!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
No, it is. That's why I added sugar to the mix. Also, if you're trying to kill your kid because they're a zombie, don't bury him in the pet cemetery.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Oh, yeah. No brain, no pain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
So as soon as things are going well, she's like, Satan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Well, he's getting the checks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
That's right. I'm still waiting for all the evidence. They could be innocent. Yeah. You know what, and that's the smartest take I've heard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah, it was, you know, COVID trials are very weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
It's hard to get a good jury in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
When did they move to Rexburg again? How long was Chad Daybell there?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
That's not long enough to have a pet cemetery. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
That's right, and the donkey was a zombie. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
We're going to be given a lot of it today. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
It's coroners. They're never camera ready.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
You know, I'm just bad about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
She keeps accidentally covering herself in duct tape. I don't know how that happens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
A vehicle that Brandon knew! Not just that, coming from Idaho to Arizona, bad gas mileage. Super bad gas mileage. The worst!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
It is. So they're all over the road.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
I think it's better than we remember.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Romantic. Yep. I did buy Julie's engagement ring at Costco, so I can't really talk. Hey, Costco's got good jewelry. Well, you went to the store.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah, and when I had to pick it up, the guy in front of me had a giant jar of peanut butter. He was returning. I'm like, what am I doing here?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
You know, if I buy my linen, I go to Quince, right? Dress like a zombie killing prince when you're in your quits. They're going to love this. They're going to love this. It's a free one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Well, fuck you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
So how long did she wait after Charles was killed before she moved to New Jerusalem? Seven weeks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Can we get this done soon? I got a mic I gotta hit. Fuck, I never will be on Killtonia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Wouldn't there be bullet holes? Or at least... Paint?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
And they also don't believe it's bullets or an actual gun because they've never seen anyone shoot a gun at someone properly. Yeah, I guess.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
How about a cremation, you fucking idiot? Sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
It's like if someone reports an attempted murder, then 10 days later, they're dead. Maybe look into it. One was a prank and one was a cough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
And they get so many calls. Crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
And he raised suspicion as a result. Also, if they don't give a fuck about the law... Why are they getting married on paper? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Stay away from my pet cemetery. Here's a lesson to be learned.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah, and when they're there investigating a missing person, don't bring up another random death you're involved in. Don't bring up how you're upset about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Ironically... Which, it is about trying to find lost family members. Really? Yeah. Really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
If I get you, you're going to accidentally fall down in some duct tape.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
I'm fine with Josh Gad. He's allowed. I like him. He's fine. You know, it's because you have a nice life now. I do. I think that's what it comes down to. You don't have to hate all the fat comedians anymore. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah, I did. But now it's different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
That guy from Lost, though, he's going down hurly. Fuck that piece of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah, and he beat me out in a lesbian vampire movie that never even came out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
If you get a call from a number 911, don't pick it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Hey, Alex, you want to go to Del Taco?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
You ever been on Lunars.com?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
But, you know, I would see Chad Daybell and be like, this guy ain't killing nobody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Get out of there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Ah. See, I was going to give her the benefit of doubt and say not go to prison. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Cremation. Cremate your loved ones when you kill them. He tried. He tried, Eddie. He tried with one. Not with Tammy. Tammy, he could have just, they said, okay, no autopsy. They'd say, great, cremate her. It's so easy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
It's such a coincidence. It is a coincidence. The biggest, everything. There's been no coincidences in this entire fucking story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Do we know, like, if you die, what would produce pink foam coming out of your mouth? Poison. Yeah. Possibly. Did they give him an autopsy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Now I'm just stuck in old New Jerusalem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Everything that he fucking did could have just given him a heart attack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
And not one sandwich in the whole fucking show. Tell your show heroes, fucking put some sandwiches in it. You want me to keep sticking around and come back for episode two? Put a fucking sandwich in the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Not a day later. Make sure you get the keys to your cell because when the world ends and you're in the cell and you can't get out, we're going to be fucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Pure white as snow. Go ahead, take a look in there. See if you can't find heaven, little boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Well, you're also not going to get exonerated if no one's trying to exonerate you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
And then Chad's finally going to turn into the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
They do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Carol Baskin. She knew how to get away with murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Oh, sure. And Sean Spicer. Sean Spicer, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Oh, yeah. Well, I said Richard Dreyfuss if you played Slimer. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah, and not just that, we got a bunch of new fucking shows on the tour, man. I'm so excited. I got it up right here. We got in... July 12th, Salt Lake City. We're going to go check on our people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
I'm so excited. I've never been to Salt Lake City. It looks beautiful. Also August 8th, we're going to be in Charlotte, North Carolina. August 9th, the very next night, we're going to be in Durham, North Carolina. September 20th, St. Paul, Minnesota. October 11th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. October 25th, Oakland, California. November 29th, just after Thanksgiving, we're going to be in Cleveland. Ohio!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah! I love Cleveland. Yeah, me too. And then December 12th and 13th, Portland, Oregon. Yeah, I love Portland as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah. And then tonight, if you're listening to this early enough... Come out to the Ryman, baby. There's still a couple tickets available. We're going to have a great show for you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Also want to throw this out into the world. If they ever make the Chad Daybell movie, Tim Heidecker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
all right fuckers we'll see you next week patreon.com all the other stuff is twitch.tv slash lpl tv last podcast left i'll get you gonna get into it all right hail satan again hail uh invasive species my tour of florida go get tickets i'll be in jacksonville panama city and tallahassee next weekend perfect thank you goodbye y'all
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Service dog. I got a service dog. Rambo. I made him a service dog, but he's more of a waiter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Do you want to listen to Last Podcast on the Left without ads? Do you want extra content? Do you want to see what it's like behind the scenes? Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the Left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You know, I've been waiting to say that myself. You can right now. Practice, Eddie. Holy hell, someone cut this woman in half. No, he's a girl. A woman can vote. Holy hell, someone cut this girl in half. Yeah, let me try. Let me try. Let me try. Holy hell, someone's cut this girl in half. Less happy. Oh, I thought it was announcing it to the neighborhood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
the mystery begins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Goddamn right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Holy hell, someone's cut this girl right in. Let me get my ruler.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It was perfectly cut between the vertebrae as well. So it would not have scored any of the various organs that would have been there in the first place. So it probably was done by somebody who's done it before. You know, I just found out about the true waist, you know, because I like wearing my pants below my belt, below my belly and stuff. And they're like, oh, I think I have a 36.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But they're like, no, no, no, no, you're 49. I was like, no, this is my waist. Like, that's not your waist. No one tells fat guys this. I have four waists. I have my main, what I consider my youth waist, which is pinching my fat around where my belly button is, right, in order for my pants to stay up because my belly is inherently soft, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But then I have my top, top waist, which is right under my tits, which I will eventually get to, but I do, I should have, I should be killing some communists in a war somewhere first. And then I'm not. But then you have the under the belly waist, which is the best one. That's only when it's 70. Then I get the suspenders over the waist through my shoulders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And once the suspenders are involved, fourth waist becomes the shoulders, which is where the pants do indeed lie, because that's where the weight of the suspenders is. That's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And I want to say thank you, Marcus, for sending me all the pictures because I was looking online. I couldn't find the proper uncensored pictures of the of the body because I want to I want to look at it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I think it's important. And I was really thankful because Marcus went to his books that he had him in and he took pictures of them and sent them to me. And then I got a really fun iPhone album picture album.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Or maybe since we made this city out of nothing, built it upon nightmares that you thought were dreams. You know, there was like full on like a weird inquisition around here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
set to the top of my like literally where it's just like memories from l.a 42 yeah and it's just a set to like no reason you know they chose a song some random song because it's short yeah it thinks wow that's what it fucking is and then they got it's just this her pictures of her corpse yeah just rolling through so Thanks, Apple.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'll send them to you in an album. I'm actually going to get them printed. Put them in my pillowcases like you used to do in college. What we're going to do is we're going to include them in our new advertising partner, StoryWorth. story of all different types of your home and your family. You can put any sorts of pictures from the morgue in there that you want.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You can add whatever you want to it. That's the point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Her organs were gone and her bass drum couldn't be found either.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'll just be in my little corner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And if you look at the scene, I think that's why it's also important to have the full scope of the crime scene pictures is it really was on display. Like this was not hidden behind anything. It wasn't dumped on a lot. Like sometimes people like when they do these sorts of ornate things. When they do an ornate crime scene like this, it's normally where the crime happened. Look at BTK.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
This is the Last Podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Look at the Boston Strangler, whether or not it was Albert DeSalvo. It's normally there. This person brought it out and put it in an empty field. So it really looks like, unfortunately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But it feels like a theatrical piece. Like it legitimately feels like a horrible piece of art the way you see it walking down the way it comes. Like there's a little lump of a slope of a hill and then she's laying right there. So it's like it reminds me of the opening sequence of Blue Velvet. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I've seen some horrible things. Extra, extra. Read all about it. Oh, my God. Oh, God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
This is a story that really gets the hairs, which is a lot. Yeah, I'm standing on the back of my... It's the carpet of your back. Yes, it stands. I'm growing two times the size. I'm turning into a calico cat. But this story, I don't know what the hell it is about at this time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Never read a newspaper again. You don't want to know what happens at 4 a.m. in Los Angeles. I've seen so many horrible things. I saw my mom punch my dad. I saw my dad punch my grandma. I saw myself punch myself because, hey, I'm annoying as fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
See, in L.A., even the fucking morgue guys are hilarious. Everybody's funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Maybe I should have a bit of lunch first. Yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, it's very, actually, I don't know how, but it kind of got scrubbed. I think it's because of the true graphicness of the pictures, and it's hard, because they just won't show up in the Google searches. But meanwhile, like, Jodi Arias' butthole is right there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I guess so, maybe, but Jodi Arias' butthole, I guess because it's... Nice. And it's different, right? I guess in that way, it's different. I mean, there's no pictures of the dude's body, right? No, no, they censor those, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It really was, man. These stories are great. All these fucking old guys, like, this is back when people, like, I don't know, man, these made-up rules. Yeah. Man, I am honestly surprised that they did that much to cover it up. It was very brutal back then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. It's the worst footage I've ever seen of the Holocaust, and it just- Billy Wilder? Billy Wilder. And it just plays in movie theaters as children are watching it. It's terrifying. Have you ever seen the photographs of Ouija?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And I think it's because of all of the David Lynch I have consumed over all the years that since we have gotten to this point, Twin Peaks season three, this whole storyline, I did not realize is essentially Fire Walk With Me. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And they had, like, weird, the tabloids were all, like, murder scenes, too, back then. I also think back in the day, more people, like, I think, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like from the 30s to, like, 20s to the 40s, like, more people on an everyday basis had to, like, kill one of their own pets. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Where, like, people were a little harder edged during this time period.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
A lot more people have killed people in theater of war between World War I and World War II. Yeah. And so a lot more people have seen a lot more violence and it was a lot more normalized, I think, maybe. Absolutely. And then life was just harder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So we just were kind of coddled a little bit in this day and age where we don't necessarily have to go whack a bunch of kittens because they're fucking fucking with the livestock or stuff like you had to do. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But Prue from Great British, Bake Off, Breaking Show, they gave her shit because she had to drown a bunch of kittens. And that's largely just because they do that in the UK for fun. You can't blame that. It's a society. It's a cancel culture. Things change. There's almost something to live for these days.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, sometimes I'm so competitive I'd be standing up. That's what I do. I'd learn how to do it. I could pee out my belly button. I'm mostly man, but I'm woman enough to smack you in the mouth. She once smacked the editor of her paper in the face with a fish. Yeah, she's fun. Aggie Underwood is a fun lady.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Perfect. Yeah. That was my dream. No one wanted to exploit me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You mean to tell me I can't buy a pair of stockings? How am I supposed to keep these tits up for the grocery store?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And it's frightening. There's something very spooky about the mystery around Elizabeth Short. It reminds me a lot of the Elisa Lam story. It also reminds me of JonBenet Ramsey quite a bit. This is one of the most famous murders of all time, correct? Sure, and American.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No shoes. I don't even wipe when I go to the bathroom.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Just so you know, I'll fuck your wife. You don't think I'm a man? Sit on this cigar. Yeah, come on. Yeah, nice. Yeah, now do a little dance for me. All right, now I got a cigar strapped to the front of me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Wrap it up, boys. I X-nayed my gag reflex in the elementary school.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You know, have you ever swung a sawed-off bat?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
If you cut the handle off a bat and you just got the fat part of a bat, that fucker swings, dude. My buddy's dad, you know, who taught us how to fight, he always had one in his backseat of his car. And I remember him showing us. He was like, whoa, man, you could really take someone out with this. He was the same guy who gave me a cue ball the day I got my car.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
He's like, keep it in your trunk in case someone ever tries to run from you. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Why are they running from me? What do I do?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And this is why we kind of, like, I like that you chose this angle to begin the story with, like, kind of talking about where the story even came from, because we're people telling the story, and now we get to fuck it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No, Aggie wasn't fucking, she was going for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Another girl can get cut in half every other week as far as I'm concerned. But this girl's mine. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I killed a bird. Fluorescent lighting is going to ruin this business. I like lantern light. I like the smell of gasoline in here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So I guess I'm not ordering dessert then. I was going to, oh, I had my salad earlier. Do you think before they cut her in half she was called Elizabeth Tall? No! Come on, everybody. Come on. Milton Berle's my cousin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I actually do notice that. They do say that on the thing. Her anus was super dilated. But we're going to get to it. Don't you worry, you anus heads. She was in butt labor for some time. It's horrible. Bad things happen to her butt. Bad things that dudes want to do. All right, well, I take it back. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Canopy said that he didn't... This is disgusting. It's not that he, quote unquote, he filled her stomach with feces, but probably fed her feces. This thesis. Quite possibly. And they're also now kind of, there's one kind of talk that it might have been fertilizer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Was their stomach cut open? No. So there was just poop in the stomach.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So it had to have been fed to her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. That's how that gets in mine. Yeah. They do that thing where you eat reverse poop. You eat like a cultured poop and it does something for your poop. You know what I'm talking about?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm talking about eating human shit. Full on. Uncut. Yeah, I just eat dog shit. That's different. That's because he likes dogs. He's a dog person. I'm a people guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm grossed out by human shit. Dog shit, I could care less. I flip. They always say, oh, a dog's mouth is cleaner than yours. Not with what that dog is doing to me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Why were they haphazard and the other thing wasn't haphazard? It was just... She was tortured.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You could see all of the stuff where the tattoo was cut off to help hide her identity.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It was. It was put inside of her. But I think that it was the added humiliation where it was put inside of her. But I do believe it served a purpose of it being cut off to immediately hide an identifying mark. Possibly. Now the mouth cuts, were they like clean or was it like brutal?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So she was probably alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Release the report, Gascon. You got two weeks left to work. Dude, it's not even there, man. And every single time if you read people say that they have a version of it, it's all hearsay. It's all fake.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But I do find it interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I mean, it was back in the day when you just burned something and it's gone forever. Well, no, they kept records explicitly. They just, they specifically lost these ones. And it probably has to do with why we're planting a little seed here that the police might have had something to do with it. Blasphemy! I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm the first one. I can't even believe I'm saying it. I pray for Brian Thompson's soul every day. I pray he's saved.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
If you aren't ready, you're probably like, no, I know the reason. I know exactly what it is and you don't know anything. That's probably what they would say.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I thought the whole Miranda ruling was that it was about being okay to be subpar on a sitcom. Whoa. That's a Sex and the City roast for no reason of Miranda. I don't know if you know why. I don't know anything about the show. I just know that she's the weak one. She's the one nobody likes. I think she's beautiful, but she's definitely the one no one wants to be Miranda.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I know Peloton killed Mr. Big, bro. I do remember. I think that's a spoiler.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that spaghet is what gives them the scoops that allows them to put their newspaper ahead of everybody else. So they get not only career-wise, but monetary attention and all of it at once.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
As long as, you know, you're paying off the cops, you can get any story you want. Well, as long as then they all go to jail. You know what I mean? They're still doing it. The dude fucking sold Kobe's pictures, you know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Listen, I saw you drive on the median for four miles, but now that I see that you have a badge, you go right on ahead, officer. But not before you kiss me on the mouth. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Do you have a license to fuck?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Hanging out. They're hanging out. That's scandalous. Yeah, that's scandalous. I don't know. Because, yeah, that's a Romeo and Juliet style.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That's where they yell descriptions of a photo through a big bullhorn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She's caught in half! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! All right, her right index finger looks like a bunch of spirals! Her middle right finger looks like... Spirals. There's shit in her stomach. Is that helpful? Say it again. What was in her stomach?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Some kind of shit. Doo-doo. Dookie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Now, she was arrested, but not the men she was drinking with. They were of age.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But they were drinking with a minor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, I don't even think that was a crime at the time. I think they were like, this minor made a decision that she shouldn't have made. To the clink with you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Just understand that back in the day, I feel like... It's World War II. We're in the middle of... Yeah, we're in World War II here. World War II. I think that the idea of, like, winning Cutie of the Week... Like always leads to their death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
There's something about saying now that's the cutest girl that's ever. Oh, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
If it's already solved, then it's not. This is Marcus's realm of understanding. It was her father.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She was wrapped in plastic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The second best girl ends up. That's Hillary Clinton. Because she learns. Get better early.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, I moved here from Boston. I don't care where my daughter is. You want some alpastor? Yeah, I found this dude. It's this wonderful thing. It's called alpastor. You ever had it? You ever had a taco?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I ran away. Do not call me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, I'll have a Coke. Also, bring me 20 packs of cigarettes. Bring me the Spider-Man. The last of the terrible men. The last of the terrible men. And we know there's been lots of terrible men since him. He must have been really terrible. You ever see the picture of Jimmy Richardson? No. He's awesome. He looks just like, he reminds me of J. Jonah Jameson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
He's very similar. Like, he's got a big cigar. He's like chomping on a cigar. And it's all just been like, that girl looks green to me. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
All right, you guys ready?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I want that bet. Hold on a minute. Get the quote. Oh, it's... Oh, my God, my daughter. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. How do I write crying down, Jimmy? Just write tear, tear, tear, blubber, blubber.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That's what happened to my father at the one time he was gay It's interesting I was reading like got into this deep research on Elizabeth short I find her store I find her interesting and they said there was something that she had which is called the walk and
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
that she would do this walk that people said that she'd been doing since she was like 15 or whatever and they said that it would get to the point where they they would see cars get into accidents as she walked down the street they always kind of talked about her about she was just kind of Which we've said many times. She put the base in the walk. She did, yeah. And there's something about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You were born in Texas. You needed to get out of Texas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Well, you got the walk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's a bit of a stumbling block. But yeah, Elizabeth Short was just like naturally had this. And the other words they always use for her too is natural vamp. Yeah. They say that there was something about her always that men just flipped out over. She was very...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
good with guys she like was like i guess people talk about like that she would sort of like in a gone girl kind of way where like yeah she was a guy's girl yeah she would hang out with the guys and fucking like she was cool in that way but she could kind of hang out with anybody yes and she was very she was just like that she just was a shapeshifter
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, yeah. Someone made a comment about the Chicago gangsters versus the police. We're like, in Chicago, we pay off the cops and the gangsters do the job. In Los Angeles, the police are the gangsters. Yeah, the hat squad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Big deal today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. Yeah, I like her then. What? I think that's cool. It is. It's super cool, yeah. Yeah, but I do, yeah, I get it at the time because she would just, she did have a lot of relationships. Sure. And she did. Kind of used guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And she kind of had a little bit of a thing where she would, like, she liked a soldier. She'd start talking to a soldier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Love military guys. I think a lot of times because they were a little bit more... Sometimes I think military guys, on one hand, they're monsters, and on the other hand, sometimes they're extra polite and extra nice. And I think military guys fell for her very easily.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Very often she would, like, get a meal out of them or a drink or something out of them, and then they'd go to sleep together, and then she'd kind of say, no, I don't want to. And that was a part of what... Of course, at the time, was like one of even the worst sins than actually fucking. Oh, you led men on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The tease at the time was so much worse, which is why they keep pointing toward this idea. She must have done something to deserve this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And you can't win no matter what. Yeah, you're fucked on all three.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
For some reason, though, that those piles of women also seems to bring many legions of predators.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Got addicted to drugs, got in a car crash, got pregnant, got un-pregnant, got re-pregnant, then got dead. And they were to believe they didn't even make their audition in Culver City.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We'll get more detail about her per some of her personal relationships.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No, not at all. No, but she there was a little bit of a shtick to it where, yes, she was a little gothy. There are some people that say that she was way more gothy than she was. And at the time, there was sort of a redo on what they call Victorian funeral fashion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Serious consideration.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
There was kind of a in pop culture that was kind of coming back up like this in terms of like kind of dressing in this gothy way is in a fashion statement. But she also would use like this fabricated sob story quite a bit where she would tell stories of an old fiance that died. We're going to get into all these details. And so partially it fit that character as well.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Big deal today. We can't. We're, you know, come on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You gonna come put flowers on me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Also, the Aztec theater is not looking very good recently.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The one in Los Angeles. No, that's the Mayan. Oh, no, there's also the Aztec, which is a big movie theater.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I didn't know about it.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
What did your life look at by 40-year-olds who used to be 22-year-olds? What did that shit look like? I remember some of y'all back in the day. I remember some errant nipples. Well, she probably didn't have a kid because there'd be some sort of record of it.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She my call is she was a lot more attached to Matt Gordon than he was to her. The mother had did not want her in her son's life. And I think that she roasted her by saying this after the fact, saying, oh, I sent notices to everybody, never wanted her to be in her son's life. And then I think her son was also like not necessarily her soulmate to him.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Like he was not she was not his soulmate, but he was hers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Basically, you see, do you really want it? Do you really want to be in a Colgate commercial?
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's not a movie. We don't really know, and we don't really know what's going on here. This is where it's like... This is where the mystery for me comes from. This is the unknowable person. This is the Laura Palmer of this story where you're watching this person who everybody got a different read on her.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Everybody said that Elizabeth Short was extremely charismatic, fun to be around, like this party, but then also just got... Really, really, really sad. And she'd have this moody thing. And there was just something about her. I can see her. I don't know what it is. I can see her. And I get what she's doing. She's a myth maker for herself.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
If she had made it through all this, she could have been an artist. She could have been anything. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Reminds me when they call in Mulholland Drive when they call the guy with the big hat. Yeah. She saw some shit probably. Quite possibly.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm going to fix everything. I'm creative on the name choices I give myself. You know, a lot of people call me Brown because of what I do now. But a lot of people call me Red because... It's better because it used to just be man.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Some guys call me guy. And some people say, please, sir, leave my child alone.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
On account of the hair! It's my hair!
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Poor, poor Red Manley. His guy's a fucking moron who signed up for the wrong, the exact wrong thing. It goes on to ruin his life. He had nothing to do with this whole fucking... And it's just... What do you do when you meet Elizabeth Short?
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Did you see her? She was smoking. His wife? His wife was... beautiful. The reason why we're doing this stupid voice for him is because he looks like Opie.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, he's an asshole. He looks like a moron, but she's just this, like, his wife is hot.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
He must have a big schlong. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Maybe. Maybe? He's tall. He's got that fucking egg-shaped head that might mean he has a big, long, weird, foreskin penis.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You're in a jam and it's no secret. If you're innocent, as you say you are, you tell the whole story. And if you're having anything to hide, people can't help knowing you're telling the truth. That way, you'll get it over with all at once and it won't be kicking around to cause you more trouble.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
What else do I have to say? News movies, and I didn't know, and I'm fucked now. She's hot. What am I supposed to do? Look at me. Look at me for a second. Don't tell my wife. Ah, fuck.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, it's called his wife was healing from giving birth to your child.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That is literally his reason.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But it turns out, yes, I do. I certainly do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You want to make it make it? You want to do it upside down? You want to do it in the booty hole? I've never done it before. I've heard people do it in France.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, yeah, you got an appointment with your oboe fixer? Well, luckily, my name's Red Manly. Yeah, you know how it is. I didn't think I got that nickname. It was my hair.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I will say in the last couple days that I've been spending very closely with Elizabeth Short, I would say I would have let her destroy my ever-living life.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Well, it's because she was trying to, this is her, this is where the mysteries are, right? This is where all the big mysteries are. So she's hanging out with him. We don't really know why she's hanging out with him.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
him yeah like why she found because she just went you she needed a ride yes but even before that it was before that yeah like she was building him up as another i think that elizabeth was in a lot of trouble and was looking for potentially and i mean this in all generosity for somebody else to maybe catch that trouble who was not her or to help her with her trouble and
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
be ready to fucking take her to where she needs I don't think Red Manly would have in any way whatsoever been able to like take the blame for whatever it was I mean two men show up to kill me you protect me maybe and maybe something I get away like literally I need cover maybe
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
This is unbelievable. We can make noises, boys. We can just make noises.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
LAUGHTER
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She would have definitely been the exact type of woman I would have met in 1940s Los Angeles and said, Oh, you want to go to San Diego? Let's go!
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, yeah. And then there are, quote unquote, what they call the missing week, as we'll get into.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Honestly, I get scared when I fart. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, even thinking, cut a breast off, you know, cut a breast off. You massage your breasts until you make a child.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Well, as far as his sensational interview with Aggie Underwood went, Red Manley was quoted as saying, I'll swear on a stack of Bibles and I'll tell my minister too that on January 9th, that was the last time I ever saw Betty Short. I did not kill her, but brother, I'll never cheat on my wife again.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That's how you stop that. I'd say nip that in the bud. Get them involved in a fucking one of the worst crime scenes in recorded history.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, he was like in an insane asylum, right?
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It ruined his life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Already pretty fragile as it was, it seems. Didn't know I was hanging on by a thread, I was.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Good job, fellas. The thing, though, is that, or is it somebody that wants you to think it's a military man?
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
hardly a werewolf type yeah he looks like a fucking cholo if you see his face he's got a goofy face he's got sort of a sad sack look and the fact that he looks he does sort of looks like dagwood he looks exactly like dagwood yeah lake was also good friends with newspaper tycoon william randolph hurst patty hurst grandfather welcome back to the show yeah dude
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
They're all like, think about, these are the connections. So this is before Patty Hearst. This is all, it all runs together.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Except, look at, I mean, actors, especially back in the day, some of these guys were, there was some cryptic shit going on. Have you ever read Hollywood and Babylon or Hollywood Babylon 2? Any of the Kenneth Anger stuff? I know a lot of it is completely exaggerated, but these guys did some fucked up shit. If you look at, you know, we talked about Errol Flynn. There was a lot of weird shit.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, where does Elizabeth's murder come from? Is that really the first time somebody ever kills somebody? Do they produce the Black Dahlia? I don't think so, but... No, it's just the way it was done.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that's how you always get if you have a problem and you want to get rid of it and you got a way to get to promote them out. That's the best way to do it because it shuts them the fuck up. I mean, she was a deserving candidate.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Hello! God damn it, who is it? Why are you calling me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And so the soft voice replied, Well, Mr. Richardson, I must congratulate you on what the examiner has done in the Black Dahlia case. You seem to have run out of material. Maybe I can be of assistance.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'll send you some of the things she had with her when she, shall we say, disappeared.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
See how far you can get with them. And now I must say goodbye. You may be trying to trace this call.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Here's the Dahlia's belongings. Letter to follow.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Like their name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And then they can keep cutting back to that cautionary tale anytime they like. Because that's what happens when you come to Los Angeles.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That was true freedom back in the day that you could just mail a package soaked in gasoline. Just postman whistling. I'm liking this package. You don't like smell the hell out of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Turning in Wednesday, January 29th, 10 a.m. Had my fun at police. Black Dahlia Avenger.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, they're very excited. Yeah. I would be if I was a police officer during this time period.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yay, yay, yay, yay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You would not give me a square deal. Dahlia killing was justified.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I wonder if the actual Jack the Ripper has any idea what he did. Yeah, what he started. Yeah, like the fact that this is all tied back and it's all been the same thing. They've been doing this shtick ever since because of him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's very interesting. I'll always like, ah, it's fascinating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I like it when they yell at the police.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that's important to remember throughout this whole series is how people fucked up as it is. We've seen it with JonBenet Ramsey. We've seen it like people want to be attached to the story because it gives them some meaning. And so we're going to see a lot of that.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Which doesn't really make sense. Nope. Because it's like, what are you mad about? Nope. To be honest, it sounds like it could be.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, exactly. The Blind Dancing Boy. That was a part of all of the biggest hits on the Los Angeles Broadway at the time. Where the whole thing was that people would lie to him where the stage was and everyone would follow him around and see if he tapped at it. And he was the one who, his favorite song, All the World's a Stage. I just wish I could see it. I love that guy.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It could just be like, fuck you, big dick, too. It could be anything. It could be anything at all. BD was not, I don't think big dick energy was a thing at the time.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And this is going to ask the audience the same question that Forrest Gump asks. Yes! Do you know what love is? Because she reminds me of Jenny. She reminds me of Jenny. Yeah, Jenny. Now, if you look upon it with hindsight, Jenny's character is complicated. Oh, absolutely. A nightmare. She ruined him. But at the same time, Jenny's the most beautiful name in the whole world.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And they have to track each one. One down. Because of them, the person probably got away. Oh, yes. And almost you wonder if some of them were written by the people that were surrounding the investigation and all of that.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Call me a lesbian. During her missing week, she was seen several times with a woman, a very Amazonian blonde woman, and another small brown-haired woman with a lot of makeup.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Because I think some guys, in many ways, like... were almost jealous of homosexuality just because that's two dicks. Yeah. And two penises, the most powerful things that could be in a room having sex with each other. And that's like what's hard for people to understand. It's like, that was why they have to wrap, they have to kind of put that aside because it's like, two penises, that's awesome.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That's two men. That's men. Those are men making decisions. Those are businessmen, policemen, officers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And there's a dick on the other side of that hole that's his own dick. Also, it's just two less dudes trying to fuck my wife. Yes. Meanwhile, lesbians show they don't need dick.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that's not. It's powerful. Yep. Well, that's what they don't like about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I think a lot of times they just make angry guitar music.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She did give him something to do in the end of his life. That's the thing. She provided tasks, which is the most important thing for a woman to do for a man.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, they just get mad. Now there are punishments for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Obstruction of justice, you can, but at the time they'd just be like, get the fuck out of here. Probably beat him a little bit. Probably. I mean, man, they beat fucking everybody. They beat everybody. I was reading about the LAPD at the time. They would talk and investigate new ways to beat people without them leaving physical marks. What were those things? Billy jacks or whatever?
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Leather with a piece of lead in it. And they also would use rubber hoses. Oh, that's where that... I'll beat you with a rubber hose. Well, now I know.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
DeRiver!
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We made up our job, and people sometimes call us as experts. It's the same thing. I've had people ask me, like, legit professors or police officers ask me questions about crime. And it's like, oh, you fucking don't know. You got bamboozled, son. I have to learn from you.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I love murder. Nah, it's my passion. Criminals are my passion. Sex crimes, my instrument. Every second of it. And God damn it, I can't get enough of it. I like to be up to my my pierced eyebrows and little girl.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And he's standing right there! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm sorry!
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But like all of it, because like there was a little bit of discrepancy, I believe, about Albert Dyer because they said that he might have been too simple to understand. Yeah. And they said that because he was mentally handicapped and they started talking and asking him a bunch of questions and he'd give them a bunch of opposite answers.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And they're not quite certain maybe in the end if he was real. And then the worst part about creating the California Sexual Offender Register was that it then being used as a massive tool for evils.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
There we go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
There's a couple of them where it's like, I'll do that anyway. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
For free? Oh, the government's paying for this? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Call me. Dial your number. Go ahead. I told you I was here. You invited me. It is not my custom to go where I am not wanted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
All of this shit fucking. I don't know why this stuff creeps me out. Yeah, man. Because I think that as we get deeper into Elizabeth's short story and you see more and more of like.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The reason why this really hits the David Lynch vibe more than anything, besides the fact that he told the story about how he got hit up by a police officer when later on in life and David Lynch got he said, he's like, I got something to show you something that you'd really want to see. And David Lynch is all right. And then they got dinner at Musso and Frank's. This is according to David Lynch.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And they're really not super friendly about it. They don't want to talk to you about it because apparently it got nothing to do with the crime anymore. And they're really angry that you keep kind of bringing it up, even though it's one of the most famous pieces of true crime on the face of the planet. You bought the ticket. Take the ride, man.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And he said they had dinner and they talked about stuff. And he was like, at the end, the police officer looked at David Lynch and said, so you're into the Black Dahlia case. And David Lynch is like, it's sort of the cornerstone of a lot of my work. And he's like.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I want you to tell me what you think of this and reached into a case and he pulled out a picture of the body of Elizabeth Short lying in the grass. And David Lynch said that he was in front of him. He said he looked at he says he looked at it for 10 minutes. Had he never seen it before? He'd never seen it before. It was a new picture of the Black Dahlia body. And then he took it away.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And it wasn't until he was at home later on that night that he said, what was the difference? What's wrong with that picture? And he was like, it was that night. The body was not found until the morning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, that is his. So David Lynch has got this. So this whole thing is so fucking mysterious. And we just started it. Yeah. So it seems to me like this person, whoever did it, probably killed a bunch of other people. Maybe. If they were very romantic about it and taking photos of their work and shit. Maybe. Or otherwise just be trying to get away with it. I don't know. I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Or it's just one of those where we don't know what patch of grass it was in. I love this. I fucking love this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But that's why we're going to go through as many of the theories as we can.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Unsavory men. And save it, yes. And you can go to patreon.com slash last podcast. And if you could watch us yell about this, you can also go and get our, see us live on our stream. 600 episodes of this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Technically, I do believe with all the numbers all together, it's probably like 645.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. But guess what, man? We make the fucking rules. Yeah. And that's what it's like. And that's the problem when the newspapers go rogue because then they make reality, which is what we just did by changing our numbers. We can do whatever we want. And we go to lastpodcastandlive.com. Go see us live. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Don't ever be scared after we got shooters running around. This is exactly what we need. Smells like gunpowder in this room. Yes, it does. Smells like my bathroom.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
See, they still are like, but this is my house that I purchased. It's my property. And I'm all like, I'm a true crime podcaster, bro. I have different rules. Yeah. I don't feel any guilt for them. No, I don't feel guilt. Guilt is not what I feel. I'm just telling you what to expect. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Detroit. in april right before 4 20 that's going to be a lot of fun i don't want to get stuck in michigan on 4 20 by the way and um oh dude it's gonna happen we're gonna bring our own stuff too yeah what's like the what's the 4 20 version of devil's night oh everybody goes smokes weed and watch great british baking show until they fall asleep
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And so hail Satan. Do your best to not be black dollied this week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But also at the same time, be free.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She's got her moments. She really does, yeah. And I would have thrown it all away for her. You really would have. God, she would have fucking destroyed you. Exactly my type.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And this also was at a time period where people believed that that search of happiness and purpose made you an idler, made you a useless member of society, and that you're, even though it's baked into the G.D. Constitution, this idea of a pursuit of happiness, the idea that then, yeah, sure, you're legally and freedom allowed. According to freedom, you're allowed to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But you should actually be pregnant right now. And so I think all of society, when you look at somebody like Elizabeth Short, I view her very, very empathetically because she just didn't necessarily want to be a mom and a housewife. She wanted to go out and just do whatever the fuck and would do whatever life was going to take you. And unfortunately, it took her. to a vacant lot in Culver City.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It didn't work for her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So we're not allowed to play the sound cue anymore because they've decided to make joy monetized? Just now, before we get into this episode, I think it's really important for you to shut off all the lights in your home. You got to put on that. If you don't have the Lost Highway soundtrack, you go get that shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's so good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yorambo. Yorambo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And this is the time to set way into allow the mystery to take over. David Lynch. This story is central to David Lynch's entire artistic oeuvre.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Just also remember, I want you also, we've watched the movies. I've went and watched whatever documentary footage I could find. And there is so much bullshit that has been jammed into this story over the years. It is so hard to figure out what is real and what is not real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Because there was that big bombshell Apple podcast that came out a couple of years ago that I believe that was called... Black Dahlia? Noi. No! Man, I watched the Brian De Palma movie to prep for this, and it has nothing to do with the story. Absolutely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's another podcast called Root of Evil that tells the entire story from the perspective of the Hodel family, which is also, we don't know if that's real or not. And that takes it entirely that side and say, this is the only way that guy could be the killer of the Black Dahlia. We're going to see this a lot. So be patient with us, dear listener.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We're going to get to your favorite theory at some point. We're going to talk about it. And you just need to know that your favorite theory might not be the number one. But we'll find out, won't we?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm in my feelings today. I'm in my feelings Henry Zebrowski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Mommy, I want to go in the field! Play with the flies. Mommy, let me go to the theater. I want to meet the devil, mommy. Mommy, there are flies and that's the coming of the devil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I told you. I told you, Scotty Jr. You can meet the devil when you commit suicide. I'm going to eat the flies. I told you, we have flies at home.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Because this story is a story that we've danced around over the years and it's come up back and forth, but for number 600...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
These are better. These are covered in blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, no, we can't go over there. That's evident.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I want to play with you!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No, Scotty Jr., I told you. We have dead woman wounds and all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah, man, because that's the thing. What they discover what's awesome about all of this shit, right, is that they all failed their way to something dumber. Yeah. Every single project was supposed to do one thing and then it just did something else. And then they just kept giving them money to fuck up because it seems like he was government on some level in this version of reality or all like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Make it invisible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah, it literally sounds like a 12-year-old being like, I have an invisible battleship.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
He is definitely a pseudoscientist. Yeah. He's still out there. I was just watching a sub stack of all of his like there's a whole thing still of getting rid of muscle armoring.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
He won't answer my questions. My father won't tell me what he was doing on Montauk, why there was a memorial field dedicated to him there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Like every once in a while, which is really nice. They send a young lady to these brand new experimental hospitals that I've been seeing using his teachings. And they just have the young lady. Experimental hospitals? Yes. They have the young lady splack all over the faces of children with cancer.
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Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And it just kind of makes them forget. That is true. For a little bit, they feel a little better. Just a little. And they go, is this pee? Is this pee? And they're like, no, it's squirt. It's Oregon. Yep.
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Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's what the scientist says. And that's what he thinks is all around. William Reich also says that the Wilhelm Reich says that our energies are like an earthworm crawling through our bodies and that we have to unleash the hardened rings of our earthworm emotional selves in order to get or come energy to our brain. Can anyone be a pseudoscientist?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
No, we're going to do it. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Would you like a helping of my ball soup? Would that help you very much if I gave you a bit of a tug on your nip? I just think it's wonderful that a story about liars from Long Island starts with sex. It does.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh no, I have a whole theory about... Where do you think the Montauk boys went? To Generation Alpha. They're little Nazi-trained boys. Time-traveling into the past. Time-traveling into the future.
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Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm in the NSA. You're in all of it, baby. I feel like all of this is I'm seeing it all flooding back. Yeah. And I might have been divided into two different realities. And maybe that's one reality where I'm some shit fuck fat face in Long Island getting a memorial field based upon me because I got shot in the bank.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
This is one of those instances that just because someone is trained by the top minds of their field in a specific time period doesn't necessarily mean it always takes.
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Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
There's a part of that that inspires me. Yeah. Some doctors got Cs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Some got Ds.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh, yeah, yeah. And those are the guys working on you like you're a horse. Those are the guys that are like, let's check the hoofs. I was turd in my class.
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Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I love folding paper. It's not great for podcasts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I think so. And then the other half of me is here living this incredible Hollywood life. Wow. Yeah. That's why I'm so tired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
But, you know, if you guys want to fold some paper, I'll fold some paper. He loves it. Anything you can smoke, he'll put it right in his mouth. Do you think that there's any comparison or anything? Do you think that he was inspired at all?
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Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm just saying, I wonder if he got any of that reading, too. He may have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
The idea of sloshing around energies was a big thing inside of Germany.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
No, it's all about beating other races at the Olympics.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's a real fucking American. He showed up, he got rid of that European fucking garbage, and understood it is better sometimes to ask for forgiveness rather than ask for permission. I'm a doctor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Right now, I'm not horny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Honestly, I like you up to zero. We need to build... layers of horniness i feel like i'm getting less horny very good interesting i thought getting naked would make me more horny but now i'm just scared afraid which i know means the same thing but i'm both is it clever of me
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
But I am going to... Try to accept the answers. All we ask is that you try. That's all we ask. Very good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
How dare you say something so simple? Yes, it is that. There's a certain position. They call it the Reich position. I can't do it here, obviously. Because you have to have sex with a baby? That's called the ending. You have to start in a position. You lay on your back, right? And then muscle armoring means that, yes, your negative energies make your muscles tense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And you can do a series of very hidden proprietary breathing and muscle exercises that relinquish each ring of muscles to allow, again, the cum energy to go from your pussy or balls to your spiritual center in your brain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
You need to get with Faraday cages, though. That's the problem. You have to then yourself have a Faraday cage and an organ accumulator, and you then have to be horny. And it helps you do butt kegels. That's the only thing that allows me to get my butthole tighter. You know what those are called? What? Bagels. Funny enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Honestly, I was looking at this, the classifieds for weeks, and I just want to say thank you so much for the opportunity. I actually have a lot of experience in this field. I've made a lot of babies nervous. I've made a lot of children scream. Is there any way I can get in there? Because my family is sick and tired of me looking for single white males to make babies horny. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Actually, it's kind of my specialty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That kid's got the fat belly. He's bad at baseball. He can't skate ball. He can't ride bikes. He's a bad singer. That kid, he's too serious for his own good. And as you can see, this one loves cake too much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh, I'll be right back, actually, for that. I brought my own oil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
God, imagine if I knew how to masturbate at five, I'd be a useless human being. That's not when I started, though. What? Yeah. At five? Yeah, I went real early. That's five's early. I figured it out, yeah. That's crazy. Boy will figure it out. You don't need to teach a boy. A boy's got all he needs is his hands, his penis, and a couple of TV guides. He doesn't need a William Reich.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
He doesn't need an instructor. I mean, William Reich did have his boys and his therapist to help out. And by the way, the Sean Connery joke from Celebrity Jeopardy saying the therapists are the rapists really works here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
What about all the kids I made horny? For a second, I have that adult. I have seven naked adults in a Faraday cage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
The Philadelphia Experiment, MKUltra, all of it together in one big old fun conspiracy soup.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh, yes. The home of the rape therapist. Yeah. It's kind of funny because, you know, a lot of people were inspired by him, but I actually didn't know he died in prison. He died in prison. Yeah. To me, I feel like that would be a black mark on the research history.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's it. All a baby wanted, all he wanted was the baby to get super horny so he could give it the power to time travel. Yeah. That's it. That's it. He was the inventor of the Wilhelm cream. The Wilhelm cream was actually what they first used to help the children learn how to masturbate. Oh, yeah. There's a bunch of kids going, ow!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Literally, I just typed in Wilhelm Reich processes and the amount of current sub stacks of people actively teaching Reich stuff in 2025 is very interesting. And it just shows we just are. We're still in it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It's what, 75 years later?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh, yes. It is the most radar-based thing possible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
When has the government fucking cared about that ever once?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
They don't give a shit about that. They if they wanted to control the weather, they definitely would.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And it wouldn't be this bad. No, it would be. Well, you know, they did talk about that. We might actually, though, have an earthquake weapon. There is some talk that we might have an earthquake weapon, but it's very different. It literally has to be like drilled into the ground. It's like a whole thing. It's Kwame from Captain Planet. Yes. Was that the one? No, he's Hart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
No, Kwame was the guy, the African guy, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Who controlled Earth. Who's the other one?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Richard?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
He was the dumb one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guess what? Hart didn't do jack shit, Motti. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, am I totally crazy? I thought there was some truth to cloudbusting. Yeah, maybe. There's cloud seeding. Yeah. You know, they do that with kind of when, in all of the weird chemtrail conspiracy theories, there's a lot of weather manipulation in that too. We do have, we can make rain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
We can make rain. We could do, but I feel like it's very- I don't know if we can though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Because I think it's extremely unpredictable and it fucks with weather patterns and I think that's why they don't do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I imagine. I imagine also it might like poison us over time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Who knows?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Sidestorieslpotl.gmail.com because there is a whole world of legit weather manipulation that's been around. That's the fun thing about conspiracy theory is that stuff like this really does cloud effectively stuff that might actually be real. That's why they like these being out on the internet. You sound like a nimbus right now. Tell me that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm about to cumulus all over your fucking forehead, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
When it grows up, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Get out of here, Dr. Von Don Moiman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I will say anything I want about that fucking piece of shit. Whoa! I will attack him wholeheartedly, and I hate him, and I hate his family, and I wish I could dig up his grave and play with his bones. You can. It just could put you in prison. You know, maybe I want to go. Three hots and a cot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It sounds like that could be a thing that might be done. Possible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And we also have a whole series on this from many years ago, but we covered this very thickly. Technically, that's what's awesome about our lives and how long we've been doing this is that that series connects to this series, which MKUltra lies on top of it. JFK is right after it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Well, you know that Nikola Tesla was told ahead of time by the aliens that he was conversing with that when he was working on the Philadelphia experiment that they said that they would kill the participants in the experiment. So Nikola Tesla on the first one of the Philadelphia experiment actually threw it so it wouldn't work because he knew that the aliens would be mad about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And so then Nikola Tesla, instead of getting fired, he said, I quit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I guess we're still seeing the results of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
The people fused to the shit. No. That's evidence. Okay. And that would be bad for the government to have, so that's why they destroyed it. What about those soldiers and their families? Most of them died a year after the Philadelphia experiment. It affects for those that went on to work on the Montauk. Is that true? Yes. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And that's what we all are looking for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
He was in Long Island. Nikola Tesla went to Long Island. Fine. Lots of people went to Long Island.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It's like you have like a serial number.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And then you're stuck in it. They tried to just do it with it. So, again, the long short of whatever the the actual Philadelphia experiment was that they were supposed to use electromagnetic field. They thought that's what was going to be just kind of a more an innocent way. They weren't actually invisible. It was more of like there was magnets protecting them from radar. Exactly. Exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
But and physical light. So you could not look, see it while you were looking at it. But accidentally they sent it to another timeline. And the only thing that you can do to end that timeline is to close the loop and bring them back because everyone's on their own timeline. That means you don't actually affect the future because the future is actually your singular view of the future.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
You each one of us has a proprietary timeline that we are all on and cannot escape from. Yeah, unless someone goes back in time and fucks with the entire timeline. No, but that's only for you. That doesn't make any sense. It does, though. Sure. That's what they say about this. How long did it take in Project Rainbow for the USS Eldridge to reappear from Montauk to Virginia?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It was just a pop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's pretty cool. And then it showed up in Norfolk, Virginia with all these dudes stuck inside of the hull.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Meanwhile, we had the Manhattan Project. We had all this fucking shit. It's just so funny to think that Congress would ever say no to new weapons. That is the funniest part. That is the most implausible part of all of this story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Well, you know why it fed directly in was a part of the way they said the cloud busters would work is from people pinging Oregon energy off of the receptors inside of the floating cloud busters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
So what they said is this began... So it started as this weather manipulation thing. And they saw they started using psychic connection, using orgone energy. And eventually they're like, now that we know that the brain you can hack into human consciousness by according to these rules, by getting on the same frequency that is coming out of our brains.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That is what allows you to see our thoughts onto a television screen. That's what they use. Right. But then they're like, well, if we can see in, why can't we also talk? Talk to it directly. Why can't we just go right into the center of somebody's brain, which is then the second layer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm not here to fucking tell you what to do with your fucking life. I'm just saying I see you with a pile of Nazi gold. And I actually, I got this little boy I want to make psychic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Not for me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
The Regalian Greys. Yeah, the Regalian Greys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
So 1913, we sign a treaty with aliens. This is important to know. This is true. The backbone of a lot of alien lore. Ten years after Kitty Hawk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
The Montauk Chair. Oh, we'll get to it. But this story, in essence, really, we have to remember every single corner of this story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
So we're barely in the air ourselves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Then we met aliens. They said, we can make a flight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
No, but this is a part. In the 1940s, when it was the Gaeta Treaty, that was like we're talking about with Eisenhower. It's called the Gaeta Treaty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Well, yeah, I was one of them. One of these fucking pieces of shit. Just keep it a timeline. They knew about 9-11. They said nothing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
takes place in beautiful long island yes and that every end of it and oh man the very end of it tip of the dick this is where billy joel watches over everyone everyone it's it's all celebrities now oh yes sure sure sure alec baldwin steven spielberg's got a compound out there alec baldwin just be careful around there don't try to shoot a western around there he's on the softball team did you know that yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
So in a way, and all I know is I'm just glad that that speech fixed everything. And he just was like, all right, done. Just warning you that the whole thing I just created might kill you all. I'm going to go hang out in Camp David and I'm going to masturbate in front of my wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm just saying, the broccoli head boys, why do you think they had such stupid haircuts? It allows them to travel through time. Oh, you think the broccoli hair resists the time juice? Have you said any, have you done any sort of, first of all, fuck you. Second of all, have you done any sort of research into Tesla coils? Tesla coils? I've seen one. You know what a broccoli haircut is?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
My name's Jonesy. This is Butchie. Remember this whole thing. Stranger Things should have been played by the people that were in Lords of Flatbush. It was not supposed to be Millie Bobby Brown. Millie Bobby Brown is not a Montauk boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh, you know, it should have been two kids with a stickball, like a whole get up, a guy flipping a coin. That's what these are. It's little boys that are. It's the 1970s.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I played stickball. Do you know what stickball is?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It's baseball with a broom handle. Yeah, I played it in Queens as a little kid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It's a very New York thing. It's a very New York thing. But you can't go to the field. You know, you got to play it in the street. Yeah, stickball. You play it in the street. I played it with a broomstick. That's fine. Yeah. I was, like, a little boy one time. I was, like, really out there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Hey, oh, ow, oh. Hey, oh, ow, yo. Look at that guy. Daniel Robinson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Well, you know, we are, though, in a way. Think of that guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
You ready to have me? I want to make sure we're playing everybody's handballs mandatory. All right, everybody, who wants a soft pretzel?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah, an army of 14-year-olds fighting the governments. Isn't that what we use the Klan for?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Don't dare the Montauk boys. I did not dare the Montauk boys. I don't either. We're going to get you in there. We're all going to sit and listen to Moving Out together. We didn't start the fire. We have to remember that and stay strong, okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And this is but just remember, I think a lot of what comes out of the story and why we are so obsessed with the story is I dare you to have a building in Long Island and tell a bunch of Long Islanders that they can't go in it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
When they had to start working. Well, also, they're 18. And the oldest boys, they are Montauk men.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Legally, yes. They're very much Montauk men. But it's more of a title. Also, if you have all this Nazi gold,
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
why make them slaves just pay workers because that's what paying you're paying for the radar you're paying for the cum buckets 10 billion you're paying for the cream that you have to use on the boys 10 billion goes away really quickly and it's seven floors deep dude it's concrete shovels it's fucking super expensive man these dumbs are fucking expensive dog
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Rob knows how you make a Long Island boy a slave. He's just going to make some random Montauk girl pregnant. Yeah. He is just going to be living there for the rest of his life in a Billy Joel song.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I know, I know. It's finding to be, Long Island's wonderful. I know some Hampton and Montauk locals, and man, they're fucked. They can't afford their own homes anymore. Too bad. Yeah, that's why we need a bunch of disruptors to go in there and ruin these neighborhoods. They might have something here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's what the Paul brothers are doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
funny you had nothing to say about that just a slight giggle to many boys dying in the process like random long island boys exploding and just being like god damn it we're gonna need more boys
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
We're going to have to go out there. Someone get me a softball team. Is there a roller hockey rink around here?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
So I was talking to, I have a friend who their father grew up in Long Island. We're still close. And I called him before the show and asked what he knew. He grew up in the Hamptons in Montauk. So what he knows about any of this. And I was like, did boys go missing constantly in the 60s and 70s? And he's like, I've never heard of that once.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
What's funny is that in this time period, every single heavy hitter that we've covered that was a mass killer of children, every police officer was so certain that there were just... bands of runaway boys and girls that were just running everywhere like they were the lost boys in Neverland, like the Foot Clan and shit. And it's just... I just think it was just harder to find boys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Unfortunately, sometimes, I know Tony, you do know everybody's business in Franklin Square, but not in this one square.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
But it was also because Dean Corll might have been involved in a gigantic national network of making children's sexual exploitation material and using that. And the cops might have been on that. Those Rolodexes. Maybe. And that's where we get the expression Corll anal bleaching. Thank you. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It's a bleaching that gets it to a nice pink. A pink. Because I don't like it when they blow mine out to fully phantom white. Phantom white, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
yeah oh no i wanted to see the polish i don't want it just because because then when my butthole is too clean too pure it's kind of oh you want a piggy hole yes because then it gets uncanny valley yeah i'm bleaching mine till it's clear wow yeah i want to see what's coming man
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh, nice. But also, mine is, that's where I see my little time travel ID number. It's right on the rim. You want to see? 6969-6969-420.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And who lives in Montauk now? Democrats and celebrities. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Think about it. Coming for you. Who else is there? Is Billy Joel? Who else is there? Everybody's there, man. Montauk. House in the Hamptons, man. Yeah, the Hamptons and Montauk. Woody Allen's there. I guess it would be considered the Hamptons. Oh, yeah. Scarlett Johansson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Everybody's out there. De Niro. These people are ruining Long Island. It's supposed to be for the fat and us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh, I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Gwyneth Paltrow is too skinny. She's not going to fucking, she's not going to, you know, with good local dirty Chinese's. Also, I will say another thing about the mind control and all that Montauk and the Hamptons is like a Mecca for Lyme disease. Yes, because the real conspiracy about Lyme being generated by the government disease out of the Montauk Project, which is a whole other thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's a whole other series.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Well, they're barely telling them they can't go in there. It's a six-foot fence. Like, you can get in there. Hey, to White Pie Tony. I have too much pasta for Zoom to see if I can't get over six points. White Pie Tony can't get out of a lawn chair. You know, like, he's very difficult.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Preston Nichols is a pure example of an old school... I sent the boys... the oldest school possible three-hour-long documentary called Montauk Survivors, which was a VHS-filmed talk between Al Bielek, Duncan Cameron, and Preston Nichols in just a house, right? Yeah. And I sent it to you just so you could get a taste of what conspiracy theory used to be like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And you could see the wives weren't there because they... Probably would never got married. I think that they were disappeared. They were disappeared. But Preston Nichols is the ultimate example of this man has said so many different lies, different stuff, different conspiracy theories that I to this day, I have no idea what he did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I didn't know really what he like what I don't know what was real or what was not was real. And that's an. technically a compliment. Yeah. I'm like, cause that is a, that's awesome. He's a true for, to be a fat fuck from Long Island and become a mystery. Yeah. It's awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Now, is he the guy who claimed he was an engineer that went to the University of Tampa, but then he actually didn't go to the University of Tampa? Yes. This is one of the things that he said, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
But that's not his most illustrious credit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Can I ask a question?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
If his memories were wiped by himself... How would he remember that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
So Preston Nichols remembered nothing, but someone told him that he did this, and he was like, yeah. No, what happened? Well, then it all came flooding back, right? And then we have the real, actually, explanation right here, Marcus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It's hard for him to not to lie. He was put into two separate spaces because time isn't real. Okay? And reality isn't real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Reality not being real is a very contradictory sentence. Exactly. It sounds like some fat guy's getting it. Are you not real too?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
This is sliders, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
This is sliders if there were actual sliders involved. The sandwiches. This is a legitimate, like, this is sliders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Replace him with Preston Nichols.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I know you're talking about sliders, but... Rob just put up a bunch of pictures of actual sliders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And I'm actually super hungry. Just look. That's actually a great looking set of sliders. God, I haven't had sliders in so long. There should be more sliders around. When we go to Detroit, we should go to the, there's a restaurant that only serves sliders. Really? And of different meats. Yeah, buddy. That's what I'm saying. That's the best part of this whole episode. Oh, yeah, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm talking about, let's cut it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk about slides. Let's start talking about potato skits.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
He's the type of person that I honestly can't stand that does the thing where he corrects you on something so minute in a bunch of a sea of other garbage. Right. It was like a whole thing where, like, I was in the middle of this three hour thing. They're having this, like, long, dumb conversation about how, like, USS Eldridge. Is it more is it considered a battleship or stuff?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And he has to go like, oh, it's a destroyer. And you're like, fuck you, man. It's not real. Stop trying to fucking just get your log jamming for no reason. So did the Eldritch, no one knows where the Eldritch is now?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
What's the pie recipe down at Basta Bongies? Oh, well, first thing, you need a flower, and you need to, first of all, go fuck yourself trying to even steal that secret recipe, because now I know you're trying to catch me, Slugworth. That's what this is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Now, what type of UFOs did the Pleiadians use?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Cool, cool. That had to be a bigger film of Pleiadians. Yeah, super long way, a lot of deaths. And where are the Pleiadians from?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah. Oh, okay. From Alderaan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And that is where?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Binary star system.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah, it takes place a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
He's crazy. And I said, hey, you should get some electrolysis or something. And all girls go on and be with you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And, yeah, Sloth Jedis is a Wookiee turned Wookiee. You know what that is. We're anti-Wookiee here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah, oh, yeah, that guy. Love that guy. Same thing. And they got the older than. It's all real. Quit asking me questions, all right? I'm trying to finish this five hot dog line I have going on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I gotta get out!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I've been trying to say this. There's nothing racist about it. It's just truth. It's just that Jewish people are shape-shifting, retaliating aliens. But I love their culture and I love their holidays. Advanced. We are advanced. We're better than you. They got great food. They got great comedians. You know what comes down to it? Yeah, of course. I find reptilians funny. A lot of people do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
How am I going to be able to, honestly, because you throw a yarmulke, you're going to hit a reptilian every five feet out of you. Why do you think I was so big when I was born? The egg was in the nest too long, and it took forever for me to hatch. Your mom's pussy should have been bigger. Oh, God. If only she was. She'd probably still be around. Jesus Christ. You made it real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It's not racism if it's a fact.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Why are you getting offended? You're acting like you're some kind of, like you're some kind of whatever. Wokey. Yeah. Don't get offended. These are jokes. No, these aren't jokes. These are facts. These are the opposite of jokes. But then sometimes what you find out is what you joke about is actually quite serious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It's just what history was, okay? They were like, whoa, Hitler, whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I know Clippy was a Nazi. At least he hung out with Nazis and said nothing. He just corrected their grammar. And there's nothing worse than a grammar Nazi.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Like what Marcus is doing. Marcus is already shutting down the valve of information as we even fucking go. You tell me I'm the work. I'm covering the book.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh, yeah, that's your big gaper patch. His little bowl dilated to four centimeters. I'm a man scout. Man scout!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
You know, Fat Domino is a name of a guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
It's interesting. I'm thinking about it. It's Chubby Checker, Fat Domino, and Chess Records. Yeah. It's all in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Oh, okay. The first one might have been, like, pretty legit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
So it was just like, you know, you just can't know my whole history because I'm no secret man to ever live.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Is that real? No! Of course it's... Big girls do cry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
The only person I could see relatively, like, that makes sense in this story is Frankie Valli. He's like the only guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Just having Frankie Valli there, I can see him being like, now that's a good tune. You know what I mean? Like, that's a, because he had a great voice. Yeah. Almost, I'd say, unworldly voice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Can't believe Frankie Valli's still alive. Have you seen him do his animatronic performances? No. It's just so good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
She should have took that. She should have took that. Your whole life could have been better. Certainly would have been worse than my father.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah, Sky Books. I'm certain. Yeah, that was out there. That was like one of those small, it was a small imprint.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
But you didn't put how he said he knew Phil, where he was like, I work with Scotty Mom. His name was Phil Big Hair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Did you see the wall of sound that he built in his barn? No, I didn't. Oh, yeah. There was one of the docs that Rob sent me, Dark Days or something like that. Oh, Dark Files. Dark Files, yeah. They go and they interview him behind his broken knobs. Oh, yeah, dude. He lives on top of bass speakers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
He lived on top of bass speakers because they said it cleared him, that the bass noises below 30 megahertz cleared him of his psoriasis. That is real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
This is the movie I want to see. This would have been so much better in a complete unknown.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Well, I'd love to meet that fucked up editor. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm thinking about good vibration. Come on. Oh, my God, you fat piece of shit. You're a genius.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
You never saw me. I'm going to go to Phil Spector to get a gun collection.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
what his fucking life is like you got peter moon on one phone call you got bill cooper on the other how was the grammar in the book uh it's fine yeah well it's like a finely written book i just want to check yeah it's good enough it's definitely good enough but d i do forget marcus is that you're not giving them the credit of the fact that every single time that they were engaged in work on the montauk project
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Honestly, I was the one who said, Jim, pull your dick out. They're going to love it. It's going to cause a moment. All right. You got you got the snooze for it. I want you to go out there and you flap it around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
You ever think about trying to think about fucking your mother? Just sing about her. Hey, two words. Lizard king.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Just thought of that. That's you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Just something about Mark Hamill writing songs for Chubby Checker. Like it's the weirdest thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Because also it's funny because then Preston Nichols also says Star Wars is real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
So he's hanging out with Luke Skywalker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Actually, I think that was the guy that played Obi-Wan. Or it was one of the MomTalk boys who was forced to have a yummy tummy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
candidate oh my god was billy joel piano no scenes from an italian restaurant there's no way that that was made by all this nazi technology yeah but you mean to tell me that the stranger was inspired by the nazis well it took only the mean montauk boys lived And that's why only the good die young. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
They were being bombarded with hypnotic messaging from powerful radars that were being manned by boy psychics.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Billy Joel has talked about it once and that's how you know he's a part of it because he doesn't remember.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I want to find his chubby little hands and I want to find out. I want to go to Montauk and find him on his, because I think he's only legally allowed to drive a golf cart now. Yeah. And so I feel like, I think it'd be easy to find him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
No fucking shit. MSG's a fucking, it's a slave market. That's right. They gotta provide a bottle of red and a bottle of white and of course there's blood and cum. Wow. Or plasma.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
You're forgetting that? And every single time you do, I'm going to put your ass right in the fucking corner. Oh, and I think it's interesting that a man named Peter Moon shows his ass so often. Hey, that's when, that was, it came from a lineage of fellow ass showers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Do you understand what a broccoli haircut is? Yeah. A bunch of Tesla coils. On top of their well-groomed Nazi heads. Like Yahoo Sirius. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
God, this guy's so lazy. It's just everything's like a powerful chair. You wait until the next episode when it is all about powerful chairs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm a busy man. Because in this throne, I can control so many things with my Long Island mind. Yeah. I could get out of my psychic chair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I don't need to, you dirty fuck. I could do it all right here. Because I'm sitting in this chair completely filled, completely to the brim with raviolis. And I'm not walking around because I got a bit of a cramp. This is Preston Nichols, by the way. I love this picture of him. We need to put this on social media.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
If you could see the picture of him going, my blood pressure is what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
There's nothing funny about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
There's not a single funny thing about this chair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Let's just say one works and one doesn't. I think pipes aren't as flexible. Tubes you can wiggle. Yeah, tubes are quite wiggly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Rob, former plumber. Yes, tubes come in long rolls. Pipes come in lengths. Thank you, Long Island former resident, Rob, for bringing your proper representation here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah, man. It's a great song.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Great for a boy to sing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Which is, again, just white Tony's back. Yeah. White Pie Tony's back is covered with a lot of Montauk pyramids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And never mind, boys in space!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Now, the Montauk Beast, is that the Montauk Monster?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Isn't the Montauk Monster supposed to be of the same origin of the Montauk Beast? He might be from Plum Island. Who knows?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's right. I forgot. Oh, man. Plum Island, we got to do next.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
We're coming for you, Lyme disease. We're taking Lyme disease down the peg. Oh, God. Or patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to see all the wonderful visual cues I did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Our live show is going to be great. We're going to see you in Detroit. Yes, that's either next week or two weeks from now. Soon. Yes, April 18th.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Now I take it anally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah, and Atlanta ain't far behind either, and that's going to be in June at the Colaroxy, so make sure you get your tickets to all those fucking shows. It's going to be a lot of fun. Also, Invasive Species, coming back to Florida. That's right, the first week of May. Well, technically, I guess. May 6th through 11th. Go check it out. All tickets are on eddytoons.com, including...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
three side story shows in Fort Lauderdale and Orlando during that time, so come see me. The last run was great. I had a lot of fun. A lot of people came out, and I stick around, and I say hi to everyone. Well, yeah, we're going to have a fucking blast. We do that with all the side story shows. We end up saying hi. I can't fucking wait to do those shows with you, Eddie. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
But until then, be a bully in space. That's all I want to be. Whatever that means to you. Amen. I know what that means to me. Huge fucking bowl. And sit in the tub. Fuck yeah, man. Rock and roll, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm dude tub life now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I'm in there now. Yeah, I don't tub, but I definitely toilet bowl.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Yeah. I got to start smoking blunts on the toilet again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I miss it. Yeah. The thing is, once you start wiping, though, you got to finish the blunt. Yeah, everyone's upset. Hmm. Well, it's hard to share. Hail Satan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Hail Mark Hamill. yeah yeah he doesn't deserve any of them neither does dr john von neumann i also feel like more people need to honestly hit up mark hamill about this yes like he needs to know how deeply involved in this come on the show oh i'd love to he needs to know that he there's a whole world of like he's just he's gonna be so excited to know star wars is real yeah yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And if you want to come on the show and personally thank Preston, I think the family would appreciate it. They'd really appreciate it. But he didn't have any family. No. Because you can't have a family when there's truth involved. Well, the guy who has a giant pot on his head that lives on his property, I'm sure he'll be thankful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That explains all my shit with Obama and being with him having lunch on Saturn. Obama comes into this later on. Oh, thank God. He comes in later. This also connects Project Serpo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
And the secret space program.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
What is Project Serpo? Project Serpo is an exchange between us and a race of aliens that we met on a planet called Serpo. They called it Serpo. And we did an astronaut exchange. Oh, okay. Yeah, through the same mechanisms that allow them to travel through time and space. Hold on. So aliens call their astronauts astronauts as well?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
No, we call them astronauts to make them feel better about having aliens in the office. So all aliens are astronauts? Yeah, technically. Fuck. Buzz Aldrin was an alien on the moon. Put that in your fucking bong and smoke it. God damn. I can feel your mind opening. You gotta understand, dude. We already have been the aliens, man. I'm gonna fucking run some mind control on myself for next week, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
This is gonna be great. I'm coming in fucked up. He's just gonna be doing it. It's called whippets. He's just gonna be putting a plastic bag over his head to play the pass out game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
I think that you need to delete it, bro. I just understand that. This is concrete reality, dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
If I walk the streets of Montauk, I could tell you every kind of boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's actually the opposite of what you want to do with a clandestine research facility. You don't want to put anything that has any sort of like... It also has nothing to do with the fact that it's the closest point of the United States to England. And the Nazis. And there's a giant sandbar that goes out 100 yards that could make any ship run ashore. Whoa, cool. But that's just part of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's your stickball boy. That's your boy that's fucking at the age of 12. That's your boy that is going to go on to become the new the situation, meaning that he's going to cause a situation at a public grocery store. Now, is this because on the way to Camp Hero, on the road, as you're driving there, you will pass Hank Sabrowski Memorial Field? I don't know where my father was during the 60s.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
That's why they got seven floors. That's why the Montauk Project had seven basements.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
But it didn't because there were Nazi spies that landed on the beach in Montauk and then eventually went through the Long Island Railroad to the city and got caught in D.C. It's just such a funny idea of Nazi spies in Long Island just being like, hey, what you doing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Hey, what you doing? Oh, hey. Just like yelling and being like, you're Nazi. This is white. Don't fuck with New Yorkers and Nazis. All right. Long Islanders hate Nazis. They really do. Even if they're racist, they'd still hate Nazis. It's funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Technically not on Long Island. And that was booked from outside of town. And there was just another one there last year. Oh, I remember. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 615: The Montauk Project Part I - The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Lies
Baby thinking, baby mouse thinking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
So fucking get your holes ready, dude. Because it's time for, oh shit, do we got a good lick for this yet?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
It's like a fingerprint. Okay, all right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
True comedian. You're just sitting here doing piss and shit, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
Everybody has done crimes to everybody else but Elizabeth Short.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
All of this is a simple coup.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
It's close. But he's bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
He really does.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
Yeah, Team Larry, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
And little cubbyholes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
Yeah, you said to look away while you sit there, and he's just like, yes, sir, yes, yes, very feminine, sir, very feminine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
Does that hurt? I know it does.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
I'll fix it, though. We're going to fix it, Larry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
Very good, sir. Yes, good, proud American man, sir.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
Very good. Very good little tits. Top and bottom of the dick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
My alpaca farm is doing so well. Good, good, good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
That's what I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 603: The Black Dahlia Murder Part IV - Exquisite Corpse
You're like, that house.