Henry Zebrowski
Appearances
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And you see it in this world, and then you also see, well, basically people in legal trouble that don't deserve it or are victims are very easily taken advantage of. Easily manipulated. If you're in a desperate set of circumstances, you're looking for any help that you can get. So sometimes you're going to take whoever shows up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But the thing is, is that again, why it's all this shit gets kicked to us is that you have to vet these motherfuckers so thickly. You really do. You need to when you're getting something, just remember the statement. There's no such thing as a free lunch. You're going to have to pay for it in one way or another. So you just have to figure out what it is you're willing to pay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You look into these people you read about. You call people that they've worked with. You need to dig into the lives of the advocates that are working for you, because if you don't, you don't. You got it. You just have to know who these people are. Yeah, a good way to do that I always find is literally Google their name with the word scandal next to it. Or just like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Or, I mean, do the legwork. Call a guy's former boss.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Do it. Be like, who's this person? Send an email. Because especially if you need help, that help also has to be good. Because the worst, also the worst part, is that when you desperately need help, you need help. Big money help.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You don't need the shitty guy, the person who just rolls up from the fucking Petco that you met while you were getting your cat groomed who said that she's got a lot of ideas about to help you with your tenant advocacy because they don't know. Go to a real place and especially don't go to Casey Anthony. No, certainly don't go to Casey Anthony.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
By the way, while you've been talking, it's beautifully said, by the way. Ha ha ha. I will say I've been trying to find out how to hire Casey Anthony, just out of curiosity. Yeah, how do we get her? How do we get her? Yeah, because my back hurts. There is no way. Can we get her?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I've been searching. I'm on, like, page five of Google. I don't know how to hire her. I do believe that if you're in the Fort Lauderdale area and you have a Cybertruck, I think that if you waive a $100 bill while driving a Cybertruck around Fort Lauderdale, she will just show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you'd actually be surprised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It has a it's actually what's great is that it's amazing, especially now that these gasoline prices are going to shoot through the roof because tariffs is it actually works on fetus meat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I feel like she'll just materialize being like, ah, there's money and attention here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shots on us. If you say that, she'll eventually show up like a genie. Oh, yeah. Especially Xanny bars. Who's got Xanny bars? She's going to love that shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Just remember that Casey Anthony, if she actually gave a fucking shit, we wouldn't know she was doing this until it was she was doing it already. Just know that. Her sticking her dumb ass face into social media to get herself back into the fucking news cycle. This is all this is doing. And yeah, we're doing it exactly what she wants, which is we are talking about her. Not exactly what she wants.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We're telling her to go fuck herself. People are definitely going to like this. Well, because the problem is that there are unfortunately very dumb and innocent people that don't understand that this is a very bad person. And that what this person is going to do is hollow you out and leave you empty. It's hard to remember that this, like, you know, 2008 is almost 20 years ago. Oh, I know. I did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There's a lot of people who are younger that just look like this is someone who triumphed over a bad thing and don't really realize how evil she actually is. Yeah, dude. And I know we're supposed to keep saying allegedly and all this kind of shit, but fuck that shit. I'm sick of this garbage, especially with Casey Anthony, because I don't care. Because you know what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Even if, yeah, all right, you go through all of this shit. Let's just say in some kind of snowballs hell and chance that she is innocent. You mean to tell me she wants more of this? Yeah. She wants more? She wants more scandal? She wants more attention? She wants to drag this up more? She wants to name her dead daughter again on a fucking social media?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
and you put it through the top of like a blender type thing at the very back on it like like in back to the future they had the thing with doc brown put in all the trash except for you put your hoo-ha over it yeah if you if you've got a boardie that's ready to slide out that's been unmoored and unanchored yeah um and it's just crazy because even just like first of all i did not know that casey anthony was such a gearhead oh she loves it because she had it like the fact that she's even driving around with one i even know that that was street legal anymore
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And say she's standing up for her like she's still alive? But yeah, fuck that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
bitch also like look her sub stack all good you can go give her a hundred dollars a year for her sub stack it's all about money it's always about money 10 bucks a month for her horrible opinion everything's a money grab then this is the worst thing right now is that we're seeing every everybody's doing everything for the sake of a money grab which i do understand there's no help coming and it feels very very scary so everybody feels like they got to get in on the grift but you got to understand the grift universe will eventually end i don't
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I don't know, man. I mean, it's one way or another, buddy. If you are a victim, I think it's very important. We've already said it. Know that people are coming for you because the fact that you're already a victim makes you an easy target. Both of my parents died. I had people calling me nonstop, trying to get money out of me, telling me my parents owed them money and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
People from fucking Egypt telling me that my mom was a cunt. You know, like, it was crazy. You know how many ridiculous... I mean, this shit happens. And now the grift I see all the time is because we're lonelier than ever. Okay. A lot of people don't go out. They don't associate social media. It keeps us connected, but we don't go to each other's houses. We don't see each other anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
So people are actually very lonely. And so the grift I keep getting on my phone, and luckily I'm smart enough to realize it's a grift, but people just start, hey, how you doing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
you want to get sushi tomorrow from a number you don't know and every time it's someone preying on other people's loneliness just to get you to respond and then it starts off all easy because I've practiced responding because I'm curious I'm like oh no I'm fine who is this oh you don't remember me how did you not save my number and stuff like that and they start blaming you for doing something wrong and then the next thing you know you're sending them fucking money
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yep, and it's the same thing with they do it to old people by sending them the weird phishing emails, and they're doing it to us now. You think you're past it. We all do. We all think we're smart enough. We all think that we're savvy enough, that we know enough about how business sausage gets made and how the media goes, but you would be fucking surprised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I watch my, obviously, my reams and reams of body cam footage. One thing that also shows up all the time is at a foreclosure, There's always somebody that's there that's getting foreclosed and it's sad, right? I don't like watching those necessarily, but I watch it for the quote unquote tenant advocates that just kind of show up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
All of a sudden, it's just some person that is trying to jam their way in between all of these various things thinking. And then you start to like the more and more you listen to them talk, you realize like, oh, the woman that was the former tenant promised this person money, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Like, this woman's fighting, and then you realize, like, oh, no, no, no, she's doing this as some other long con into this person's life. And, again, I'm not saying that they're all illegitimate. No, they're probably mostly legitimate. Mostly, but the thing is, is that that being said, you have to fight for your fucking self. You have to fight for yourself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You have to know who the hell it is you're talking to when you decide to put your name next to somebody else. Especially in any of these matters. When it comes to child custody or all of this shit. Immigration. You need to... fucking very much so trust who these people are. So just, you gotta do your homework.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I remember, speaking of this, not to get too crazy on it, but speaking of immigration and people taking advantage of disparate people, when I was working down at the border, we wanted to interview a coyote. And just be like, well, let's talk to these fucking people. You're talking about the people that bring people across the border, not the dogs. Not the dogs. I just want to hang.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I don't want to interview. Coyotes is a hang, and then we're going to kill some roadrunners. Yeah, dude. I want to fucking do it. Do shots with the coyote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the coyote who brings people across the border illegally, we wanted to find one. And the way we actually found one to interview was an immigration lawyer in Brownsville, Texas, knew the coyote. The coyote was his brother.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah. And so he would sit there and he'd get people who get caught coming over the border. And then he and they would get sent back. And then he would give them right back to his brother, the coyote. It was a horrible little circle that they had going. And they were fucking evil as hell. And they were paying gangsters. Oh, yeah. And everybody's making money off of making money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And it's very difficult because, again, who are we aiming towards? Extremely vulnerable people. Yes. people that are easy to roll. And that's what they want to do. Recognize it and know that people are fucking coming for you. Because anybody can be one of these things. I looked it all up. Obviously, Joel helped me research.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
She must know Jay Leno. Well, she works with Kia. She's their new spokesperson. Oh, that actually makes so much sense because on the roads. Yeah, because she Kia'd her child. She Kia'd, yes, and got away with Kiaing, which is one of the worst things you can do. Was it a Kia that she had? No. No, it was some other car. I'm making a joke. I actually can't even really tell right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There are programs that you can do to be a quote-unquote legal advocate, but mostly there's things that you can just fill out and you get a certificate. And then you're just like, yeah, I'm a minister. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm also a minister. Same thing. You can just clickety-click. So it's as strong as being a priest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
From the boogie-down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish-Italian java, last podcast on the left, and Spring Hill Jack coffee are rising from the rubble with a new brew. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Nothing to do with any moth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a Butterfly Dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a Butterfly Dude Roast. This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious, and not just the same beans. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room. And that brings us to our next bit of news. Oh. El Papu. Papu. El Papu is indeed the El Papu. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Pope Francis still almost dead as of this recording. We don't know what's happening tomorrow. I'd say curse aside stories, probably going to be dead by the time you hear this. Fingers crossed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But he's still alive. He suffered two new acute respiratory crises yesterday on Monday. What was so cute about him? Do they have little mice in there? Are they all hanging out? Yes. Copious amounts of mucus were pulled out of his lungs during two bronchoscopies. Wow. I don't know how to say that. Bronchoscopies, bronchoscopies. This is my question. Yeah. All right. You're with the Pope.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He's going, bring me a boy. Bring me a boy. And you're like, you're in the hospital. We can't. We can't, Papu. And they pull the mucus out of the Pope. Now, every other fluid out of the Pope is magical. Yes. You know, like you want to get kissed by the Pope. You want to get licked by the Pope. You want to be washed by the Pope. You want to get tongued by the Pope. Would not his mucus be holy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Of course it is, first of all. But are we sure it's mucus? Could be cum. He could have swallowed cum and it could have went into his lungs. He could have sucked so much dick that there's cum in his lungs. You're right. You're right, and I actually didn't even answer this question myself. I should have. Yeah, sometimes when you suck a lot of dick, you could drown in cum.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And that might be what's happening to Pope Francis right now. Wow. I hope for his sake because, you know, in the end, he died doing what he loved. Yeah. And you know what? And if the cum is holy... then he should be able to breathe through it because it's holy. That's funny. Yes, I know what you're saying. But again, if the cum is holy, I feel like he should have been healed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He should have been younger. I thought that the more dick he sucked, the younger he'd get. Because right now, he is looking, sadly, a bit like Colin Farrell from The Penguin. And he's got some... It might be much worse, man. He's got some penguin vibes going on. He's got a fucking marshmallow head right now. He is not looking good. And if anybody... I'm not going to spoil the ending of Conclave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I just know that on the road, you can come at me on this. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. There's only one driver worse than a Tesla driver. And that is a Kia driver. Whoa. I'm afraid I'm going to have to come at you because I used to have a Kia Sophia. Yeah, well, that's different. You wanted to be Italian. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she drove a Pontiac Sunfire. Thanks for the memories. I got you, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He looks worse than Tootsie. Yeah, he does. He is the Tootsie of popes. He is Pope Tootsie. If anybody's seen Enclave, I'm not going to... Conclave. What did I say? Spoiler alert. You said Enclave. You forgot the C before the... Oh, it's an enclave. I think it's just a place people hang out. Yeah, or like when rocks fall on a car. Cool. Yeah. I like that better.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Conclave, if you haven't seen it, I won't spoil the ending for you, but these bishops have the very... They have the funniest thing they could do possibly in their hands. Oh, my God. It is. We have a shot here to really shake things up. And that's why I'm putting forward my bid for new Pope, Pope Shakira. Pope Shakira. I love Shakira. Shakira, Shakira. She's in trouble, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
She needs the money. I'll bail her out. What does she need? She got in trouble with money somehow. Why? What does she need help with? We need to help Shakira. I think, yeah, she's not bankrupt. It's like tax evasion or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Gerard wrote in, Shakira bankrupt into Google. First thing it says, no, Shakira's not bankrupt. Tax fraud in Spain. That's her problem. Oh, I can help you, Shakira. Yeah, we can do whatever you need here on Side Story, Shakira. Oh, tax fraud in Spain. I thought that they all fucking just... How can you even do that in Spain? How much shellfish do you need? Yeah, I mean, exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
How much pulpo are you supposed to give back a year? I can't believe they actually catch people doing crimes with all the naps they take. Seriously. And all the tiny plates. Yeah. Like, I feel like there's like, who's got in this economy? They're not having serving full dishes of food. Yeah. Shakira was indicted for tax fraud. She shouldn't be going to jail. Shakira can't go to jail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
She's going to be totally fine. She's Shakira. Oh, she said that she was a resident of the Bahamas. Of course. Her and Jeffrey Epstein in 2023. Oh, that's wow. She did it. She got a deal. She's fine. Yeah, she's fine. Oh, then she's fine. No, Shakira's going to be fine. She's too, I mean, she's too Shakira. Pope Shakira. Think about it. Pope Shakira. Pope Shakira. Pope, Pope, Shakira.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
She's having a hard time selling tickets. And if she goes out there, man, that first man, the first pope with a GD badonkadonk. Because I was thinking about this with Lori Vallow. The outfits aren't great for that. Well, what do you mean? The Pope outfits. You can't see ass through that. No, well, Pope Franchusco, whatever his name is, squeaky clean fucking... Imagine a short skirt Pope.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Oh, God, that makes me hard. Like, just thinking about it would be so much fun. Because, you know, the Pope, nice Pope, should have had hypocrite Pope nice. Francis is the only nice Pope. That's what I mean.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Pope hypocrite. What he did was he technically revolutionized the papal outfit because he technically toned it down. He famously made it less opulent after Pope Benedict, the former openly Nazi Pope, who I actually even like even more because of the refreshing honesty. Because he at least was just openly evil. Like the Pope Benedict, he was doing all the pomp and circumstance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He did all the big hats. He did all the ornate clothing. The Pope hypocrite, he kind of pulled it back a little bit. Yeah. But now I think if Pope Shakira gets in there, nothing I'd like better. Think about that. I would love it if the next Pope wasn't pure evil. Fuck that. No, only pure evil. More evil. You think so? Yes. Makes it easier to hate the Catholic Church.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Dude, the goal is... We don't need them winning anything. No, dude, I want them to step on the... You immediately talked me into it. Yeah, I want them to step on the gas pump towards their own destruction. And the more chaos from the top, the more likely it's to shake apart. Steve Bannon, be a great pope. Oh, God, be a great pope. Pope Bannon? Yeah, pope flooding the zone. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Biden, he's a Catholic. I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I can't have him kneel all the time. Oh, he can't. He's the one person that doesn't have to kneel. Think about how long that fucking mass is going to be with him shuffling. Hey, hey, hey, let me be clear. Hey, listen here, Jack. I know my baby. I have a friend named Jesus Christ. He used to work at a Mexican restaurant. Hey, come here, Jack. Here, listen here, friend. Listen here, Papa Pooh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They're Koreans. Welcome to Side Stories. We flipped the car, by the way. So that's not the best example. No. I wasn't driving. Someone else was driving. Thank you. And then they flipped the car and we were stuck on our side. And I remember they just flipped my car because they wanted to look at the CDs as I was changing the CDs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'm going to tell you something I know. All right? I'll do one, two, three, four. Angela Merkel said the biggest set of ding-dongs I've seen is outside of my... Oh, sweet, sweet wife. A set of ding-dongs? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Is that two dicks? Fuck him. Fuck Biden. Fuck his fucking ass. No, seriously. Fuck all of them. I just, every single fucking one of them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Even the ones I like, I hate. I hate everyone. I'm trying to think if there's a single leader I could remotely stand. I like Bernie. Fuck him, too. I mean, yes. And he would second that. I know. He would tell you that. That's what makes him good. Oh, he's going to go meet. Oh, yeah. Biden met with the Pope. Maybe that's what happened. Oh, he's so close. Yeah, he's touching him. Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He sucked the last life out of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's how Biden made it through.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, because he sucked the Pope's energy. Oh, yeah. Let me be clear. Let me be clear, Pope hypocrite. A thinner. I'm going to give you the thinner decision. Whoa, he's sucking on his little baby hairs. Yeah, the Pope's looking into his eyes. They're touching foreheads in this picture. And the Pope's looking into his eyes like, please don't kill me. This is how I hang out with Carmen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Well, hopefully the Pope will die soon. Because then we can all go, oh man, I just wish that we could vote from home. Yeah, well, we don't get a vote. No, we don't. Watch Conclave. I'm fascinated with the, because I'm a former Catholic turned Satanist, I am fascinated with the machinations of the Vatican.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I can't believe, as someone who hates Catholicism with every ounce of their body, I can't believe how much I liked Conclave. You know what it is? Yeah. I watch things that take place within the Catholic universe just because I know how jealous this makes Mormons. Like, Mormons wish they had this level of importance and pomp and circumstance. Yeah, you can't be a pope with a backpack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They just... These Mormons are fucking slow. And so right now, if Catholics want to take the lead... I would say, I was thinking about this with Lori Vallow. So Lori Vallow thinks she's a goddess, which I find interesting because she's got absolutely no butt. And if you look at every single... It's coming from a non-butt-haver. This is what I'm saying. I'm not a fertility god.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And I remember they flipped the car and then we're sitting on our side and they're like hanging because they had their seatbelt on and they were hanging. And then they're like, I got to take my belt off. I'm like, if you take that belt off, you're going to crush me. They're like, I got to take my belt off. If you take your belt off, I'm going to kill you. I'm already very mad at you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But if you look at any version... of any form of painting of a so-called goddess throughout pretty much all of humankind. They got that tush. Yes, which I find interesting. So if Catholicism wants to take the ring right now, tush forward. Yeah. If we could have a tush forward papacy, I feel like maybe some, because what brings everyone together? A big, awesome butt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Heine's bring everyone together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And I feel like it's good for everybody. Breasts do a good job, too, but I feel like the Heine's really bring it together. I'm a breast man myself, but I still think that for the Pope, he needs to have a big ass. Yeah, and then people who like to look at men, they also love a male Heine. That's what I'm saying. So Heine's good for everybody. Some people go to baseball games just for the Heine's.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's what I do. Yeah. Absolutely. People in the stands. Yeah, people in the stands. That's not the only mysterious almost death. It's sad because, God, we'll get him. Get off your Pope box for one second. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just love watching them die and they don't happen enough. It really is only going to be the fourth Pope we've seen die? Pope John I died before Pope John Paul II.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
So this is going to be our third Pope? Isn't that crazy? Yeah. In our lifetime, this is only going to be our third pope. And like our ninth president. Yeah. Yeah, it's pope. But the last one was, yeah, I think it was- Benedict was last and then Pope John Paul II. Pope John Paul II. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's it. I mean, Pope John Paul II, he was 1978 before we were born.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Man, I'd love to see the corpses of each one of these old men. It's not hard to see. I'm just looking at a pantheon of old men faces. They're all the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kill each one. They're all popes. Again. And popes and Leos. Let's get a big butt in the Vatican. Yeah. Now- Sadly, someone's big butt is never going to go to the Vatican.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That is the beloved movie star, now unfortunately, passed. Gene Hackman. Gene fucking Hackman, dude. No one ever thought. I love Gene Hackman. We all do. And I don't think any human being ever thought. Like, if you were going to put money in this, this is why we need to tie in with one of our, they're not a, what is it, a gaming app, right? Wink wink?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And then I talked some people into pushing our car back right side up. My name's Henry Spresky. I'm sitting here with the awful storyteller, Ed Larson. I feel like that would be a better story if you didn't make me rush through it. It's just because I was in the middle of the most practiced, hardest part of my job. Which is what? Saying the name of this fucking show. Side stories? Yes. Oh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They're online gaming that you could put money towards and make money back. from, right, Rob? Yes, yes. That's the legal way to say it, right? Legally. Legally. Now, no, if we could have set up a pool on one of these gaming apps, we would have made so much fucking money. Did we say Gene Hackman was going to die? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But just not that Gene Hackman's not only going to die, but then you set all the parlays. Mysterious. Wife dies, too. Yeah. Dog dies. One of three dogs die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like $165,000 to one payout. I've never seen anything like this. We should set more of these up. We should do this, where we should do a real death pool and set a super, super specific death and see if it pops up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
This is craps when you try to go to Snake Eyes. You did this this year, but he wasn't on the list. No, of course not. Well, because with Gene Hackman, we just thought he wasn't going to die. Well, I assumed he was going to pass, but I didn't think it would be with this much news attached to it. Well, I think it makes sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He's been in so many fucking mystery movies and thrillers, and it's only fitting that he has a very mysterious death. For those of you that don't know, I'm certain that everybody does. So Gene Hackman, when we grew up with Gene Hackman, he was legitimately an absolutely massive movie star. No one's, yeah, no one was bigger. He was in almost every movie and he was always a fucking badass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Well, and it's funny because I think that as an, as when you're watching him when you were younger, you didn't really kind of understand just how fucking good he, now as an adult looking back, I find it interesting that people talked about Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, all these other actors, but like Gene Hackman, the way he fucking holds that shit down. He's got more Oscars than Pacino.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I just rewatched The French Connection. Holy shit, he's frightening in The French Connection. And just look at this killer's row. Superman, he was Lex Luthor. He's the only good Lex Luthor, probably. I would say he was great. Oh, Ants. Everybody's favorite bug-based movie made by a pedophile. You ever see Reds? So good. A Bridge Too Far. Unbelievable film.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Twilight's a good movie. They're all good. Extreme Measures is a good fucking movie. Mississippi Bernie. His performance in The Birdcage is also absolutely fantastic. And Get Shorty. He's hilarious in Get Shorty. And guess how he died? In the most mysterious way possible. We don't even know how he died.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Now, this is truly... We kind of thought, like, normally the side stories curse hits and it sucks. But this was one of the first time we were like, you know, good. Like, this allows some information to play out. But we've gotten a little bit, but almost none. Yeah. We now know that Gene Hackman was he was found dead in his home in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He was very he was connected to his whole community. He was found dead with him and his wife, Betsy Arakawa, 65 years old, 30 years younger, 95 years young. Gene Hackman. And there's also there was two different side of the stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There's one side of the story that said that the local restaurant that he used to go to all the time said that Gene Hackman, that he was starting to, his health was failing, and his wife was taking even more and more total control of his day-to-day life. They were becoming recluses. That's what they were saying. They were slowly pulling away. As you do when you're 95.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It's the hardest part of hosting. I mean, it's easy for you to remember because you're so involved with the SS. Yeah. Not anymore. Not according to your fantasies, Eddie. We've got a lot of stuff. So much messaging in on these beer wench dresses that you're obsessed with. Drindle Trockton House is some nice options. Thank you so much for people who sent in the German beer hall dresses for my wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But the wife's 65, and they've specifically been very public for a very long time. They've been active members of that community for a long time. And his kids, Gene Hackman's surviving kids, they also said, we actually, last time we talked to our father, he was in really good shape. We talked to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But interestingly enough, the kids had not talked to him for several months, which they said also was majorly out of character. We now know that he was found dead. He was found, I believe, in his bathroom. We don't know exactly what it is. His mudroom. And his wife was found. So they were found. He was found, I believe, in the home's mudroom. He had fallen suddenly.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He was found wearing sweatpants, long-sleeved t-shirt, and slippers. Mudroom is a good name for the bathroom, though, because you're just making mud in there, baby. Not me. Sometimes I'm making rabbit pellets if I'm on my diet. Now, Arakawa was found in the bathroom near the front door of the house. The door to the bathroom was open. Arakawa was on the ground wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
An opened orange prescription bottle and scattered pills were seen on a countertop near Arakawa. All right. A space heater was also seen near Arakawa's head. Now, this is the first thing. Now, we also know that... Was it on? No. Now, we also know that Gene Hackman was dead for at least nine days. At least nine days. Because that's when the pacemaker stopped. Yes.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Still no public information about the toxicology reports on the wife, except for both. It was ruled that carbon monoxide was not what killed them. Which is what it looked like. Very much so. That is what it looked like. And then you wonder, was it made to look like that? Certain pathologists saying that they don't think the companion suicide was... They don't know if it was mutual suicide.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They would be next to each other. We don't know. Why would they be separated? Maybe one was more willing than the other. And then maybe you've taken the pills and it's already too late. It seems like to me, if I could armchair detective here. You have to. It looks like Hackman died and she killed herself. That's what they're saying. But again, we don't quite know. Why was the dog in the closet?
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
One of the weirdest factors of this whole thing. One of their three dogs was found dead in a closet of the bathroom where Arakawa's body was discovered. It was in a kennel in the closet. It was in a kennel in the closet. So we don't know what the hell it was. The other two dogs were found alive. And I'm assuming it starved to death? Again, we're not quite certain.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Has not been publicly released yet. Deputies found the door. Do you autopsy a dog? If you're fun. You know what I mean? If you got a free Wednesday. You know, like sometimes I'll just go do one. They ask me to go in there and I always go look for it. I'm always around you. I'm always getting in there. They found the door to Hackman and Arakawa's home unsecured and open.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, if it's open in a gated community, you're telling me there isn't security driving by these houses every goddamn day at some point? I don't know. I don't know if you're that closely paying attention, but it's also Gene Hackman. He was a known quantity in the room. He really was. Two cell phones were collected. They are getting access to it. And then I love the end of this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It says, what movies was Gene Hackman in? And she's like, well, fuck you, CBS.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
How do you not know? You're CBS, okay? He's fucking, he's Gene Hackman. Welcome to Mooseport, you piece of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Have you heard of the conversation? This is a, God, his house was beautiful. Of course it was beautiful. It's in Santa Fe. It's Gene Hackman. It deserves a beautiful house. He put in the full, I know what, I always loved Gene Hackman because he didn't get famous until his forties. No, and he was a real actor. A Marine. He used to beat the fuck out of people. Scary as hell. Difficult man.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Morgan Freeman said that he was the only actor he was ever physically afraid of. But they're also great friends. Yes, because he's one of those where if you busted his balls, he liked you a lot. He liked men who stood their ground. He was one of those guys. If you were tough, he got you. But if he loved you, he loved you. And if he hated you, he fucking hated you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But also old school, which I also like very much.
Last Podcast On The Left
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fame old school hardcore democrat yeah like was it like they talked about i was reading all about his fucking pussies are stealing our money yeah he is the son i love that he did when he played popeye doyle the police officer in the french connection he had to say a bunch of racial slurs and apparently he had to be talked into it very hardcore by william friedkin and he said that he used to perp william friedkin is an asshole too but he's he's also a great director yeah
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
For his wife. He's been sexualizing in a kind of antique way. Here's the thing. I don't want Julie to look like a Hummel. No, no, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And he used to torture Gene Hackman to get him angry. And if you watch that movie, that movie is wild, dude. That movie is... French Connection, you know they use real bullets in the ending. Yes. In the shootout in the end. It's brutal. That is a... And Gene Hackman is just so fucking good. It's just one of those where you forget what actors used to be like. Yeah.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And you watch them sometimes and you just like... Because nowadays, I feel like a lot of times I'll watch some actors and you can kind of... I don't know if anybody feels like this where you're watching a movie and you feel like you see the script.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Like I'm watching someone, I'm just seeing lines of dialogue on a page. And when I'm watching Gene Hackman, I forget that he's an actor. It's crazy because you think about Unforgiven. He's so terrifying and intimidating in that movie. And he's like in his mid to late 60s. That shit's crazy. That's the movie Morgan Freeman said that he was desperately afraid of him on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And then also he was exceptional as Lex Luthor. Oh, yeah. As a comedic role. He just was one of those old school guys that could do it all. And I guess he left us just like he always did in the films, wanting more. So now we'll find out. We are going to find out. Obviously, this is going to be a story that rolls out over the next couple of weeks, longer and longer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I personally believe that why they are holding back Some information on the wife is because they know something that we don't know. And I think that that's what we will find out. It's an investigation. We shouldn't know anything yet. We just don't know very little. Yeah, no, as we should. Man, but fucking nuts. Also, the pacemaker thing, I think armchair medical examiner here. He has to be.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Why don't we put Wi-Fi in these things so we know when they stop? Everything else is Wi-Fi. You know, sprinklers have Wi-Fi. I don't fucking know. But the thing is, if he's wearing an Apple Watch... Do I really need to have another app? Do I need to have an app connected to my fucking heart? It sounds like you're going to need a pacemaker. I already do. I do need one. No, I don't know.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
A cummel. I would say these, how do I say, the breasts don't heave as much as I'd like them to. I'm expecting, I want more, I want her breasts to heave so much they're at her ears. Well, I think the way you do that is, truly, you can handle that yourself, buddy. You just cut a hole in that. You just cut the window into the top of that thing that you want, right?
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They can hook up to your Bluetooth. Oh, yeah? This is what I'm saying. That's great. I don't need, my dishwasher has an app. I know, but this seems more important than your dishwasher. I don't want any more apps. I'm done. I'm out. I think, but I'm saying if you did get one more app for your pacemaker, you might want it. No, actually, unfortunately, Marcus already talked me into one.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He was working on one. He said, have you tried this new app? It's been helping him emotionally regulate. And I was like, what is it? And he's like, have you heard of this thing called Grindr? Ha! And I have just been so busy with these therapists I keep meeting. Yeah, you got to talk to these guys. Do these guys work with BetterHelp? Because some of these guys are rough around the edges.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, Grindr was great for me, but I like a female therapist. And so there were so few on there. You ever go on Snapper? Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. It's for lesbians. Oh, okay. Snapper's great. Snapper's one of my favorite. It's called... Oh, it's real. Yeah. No, I actually did not know that that was real. No, no. I do not know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
No, Snapper is what I was making up because I was going to say you could sign up for cunt of the day. Oh, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Forward thinking on Snapper. They're not a sponsor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They're not a sponsor, but if you want to get snapped... Go ahead and get that app. Absolutely. Snapper. Barely even know her. Perfect. Okay, so let's get to some... Oh, and shout out David Johansson. We love you. Yeah, we miss you. Also, you know what I want to say about David Johansson's death? Nobody had the balls to call him Buster Poindexter. That's how I knew him. That's how you knew him?
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I didn't even know the New York Dolls existed until I met Marcus Parks. The only person I knew was Buster Poindexter, and that was my David Bowie. But he wasn't listed as that in Scrooge. No, he never was. He should have been. I thought he was Buster Poindexter. And I don't know why we've all decided to forget about Buster Poindexter.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Well, now that he's dead and he's in hell, you know what he's saying. Tot, tot, tot. I don't think he's in hell. No, he's probably in dirt. There's nothing. Yeah, there's fucking dirt. He's nowhere. He's gone to silence. But, you know, great guy. All right, Pope's dead. Jane Hackman's dead. Casey Anthony's a bitch. Yeah, let's cover. All right, real quick.
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Chicago has this fucking... I just wanted to quickly touch upon what I think might be... I looked this up. One of the youngest serial killers... They are now applying six homicides to this young man. Antonio Reyes. Yes, Antonio Reyes. Now, this was in Chicago. He's been in jail for five years now, and he tried to kill his cellmate when he was in jail. Yeah, this guy is... I'm going to say...
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Yeah. And he came out there. They think there's five new charges that have just been brought against him. He was already in custody. And they are describing the murders as serial murderers. Not that Angelo. Not that Reyes. He just pulled that up. No, not the soccer player. Not the famous soccer player. No, no, no. And yeah, he did try to kill his roommate. I'm going to call him roommate.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
All right, fine. Just for fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah. His roommates. Yeah. With roommates like these, you need cellmates. Yeah. Yeah. Shanks for the memories. Yep. All right. So. But. But he, so he's killed five other people. He killed six people total. But the thing is that's driving me crazy about this is these all seem like passion, not passion, but like in the heat of the moment kills.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And that's when you present the dress, but you don't give her the option necessarily to choose what neckline she wants. I want a push-up bra that works so well her tits are like a hat. Oh, great. Oh, that's easy.
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I am going to say that now that I'm really diving into this, he's a spree killer more than anything else, than a serial killer. Take close from March 2nd of 2020 to November 9th of 2020. Yes, he shot people. He shot one group of people while trying to kill someone specifically. He was trying to kill a 16-year-old boy and then killed three other kids that were in the car with him.
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No, he didn't kill the kids. He killed the 31-year-old father. And then the kids that were in the car, he's getting attempted murder for those. Okay, he just got them. He's tagged them. Yeah, they're not, they all lived. But he's still like, a lot of this seems to be, I am going to say now that I'm looking at this, a lot of this might be gang activity and some kind of other type of personal piece.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But he didn't rob these people. I don't think it could be past that. You know what I mean?
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The cops think it's random. That's why it took so long to find the motherfucker. See, that'll be very, very interesting, and that's not good. And then you call it first-degree murder. I feel like that's, like, a problem, because I don't know if they are necessarily first-degree murders.
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Yeah, I mean, unless... It is, if they are... I believe if he walks out and purposely goes to shoot people in general, that's enough to be considered first-degree. If he is... Normally, it's if you did not... Basically, if you did not leave the house that day thinking you were going to kill somebody, it can be anything but first degree. Like if it happens on accident, if it happens during a fight.
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I think he just had a gun on him and got an argument on road rage or some shit. It sounds like, though, if they're saying it's first degree, they think that maybe, well, Yeah, one victim was killed when he went to the gas station to buy a pop. Another victim was sitting in a parked car with a friend on Palm Sunday afternoon. Another victim's only crime was taking his family to buy a new puppy.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's the guy who was killed in front of his kids. They were on their way to buy a new puppy. Did they get the puppy? I hope they fucking better have. Honestly, I'd say you should. I'm sure there's a puppy. You're going to have to get three puppies. I'm sure the one thing they fucking have is a puppy. Well, now it's a dog, and it's probably neglected. It's very sad. Very, very sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But it sounds like he did just kind of randomly decide to shoot people. And it's the south side of Chicago. And unfortunately, there's a shit ton of murders there, especially in 2020. Oh, yes. And this is during COVID. that he's doing all this. And like the beginning of COVID. And so it's harder for people to get caught and it takes this long to find.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I wonder if we're going to find more people like this. Spree killers during COVID that we weren't able to catch because everyone's busy with fucking riots in the street and shit like that. And just like fucking the hot people dying in the hospitals. It has been five years though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's just ribbons. You just tie it behind her head. Yeah, so I think what I was actually looking for is ribbons.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
So I actually don't know at this point how much I just think that this is just crazy because it really is so deeply disconnected. Yeah. And so that is so hard. And you're right. It is extremely hard to prosecute these crimes. Yeah. It's very, very hard. But they got the guy, the gun lined up with bullets from multiple victims, and it is his gun. So it seems like we can go ahead.
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I mean, he's going to stand trial, of course. But yeah, no, it is this fella here is an... A heap of trouble for killing a bunch of people. And he, as he should be. I think he's more of a serial... Because I think a lot of times when the younger people in, you know, like south side of Chicago and places like that, it's usually gang activity. And this doesn't seem like it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Or it's somebody that is taking advantage of the rampant gang activity in order to go and get some sick intention off of himself, shooting at people, and then imagining it could all be swept under the rug as gang activity. Yeah, which... Seems like what happened here. Yep. But yeah, fucking nuts. Yeah, it is. This is crazy. It's a crazy story. It will be developing.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
So if you could send in some breast ribbons. He's looking for breast ropes for my wife. So if you could find anything that really would help with that, I'd appreciate that. The dwindled dresses are very nice. I might actually just buy her one. I just couldn't see a world where I could give her this and she doesn't like look at me and possibly hit me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And then we have another story that is also developing here in Los Angeles. There is a gnome. Oh, yes. Now, I'm not going to say in what area of town this is. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But it is in the San Fernando Valley. The gnome was caught, I believe. It did appear upon my next door.
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One of my favorite apps in the world. I'm a citizen boy. Citizen is getting less reliable. Yes. No, there is straight lies on citizen. And what's nice about next door is that you really, really get to find out who thinks that every black person is a criminal. Citizen has that. Oh, yes, it does. It does.
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Next door is a special place filled with the hermits of various neighborhoods of Los Angeles, and God, I love them. And this man went on a posting spree saying that he believed he had evidence of a gnome harassing him outside of his home. Yeah. And as you can see right here, clear as day, this person posted what could only be
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a picture of a gnome in a ring camera because nobody would wear such a tall, pointy hat. And have a weird little butt like this. Unless it's me. But my hat was in the shop. It is a onesie. I was in there when this picture was taken because it actually has the time stamps on it. It is definitely a little person. It is a gnome, Eddie. Yeah. It is absolutely and utterly a gnome.
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And I don't think that you understand how important this is And it seems that the gnome has been caught. The gnome is caught? What did the gnome do? Why are we catching it? Why are we just letting it be a gnome? It was dinging and dashing. Dinging and dashing? Yes, one of the worst crimes you can do in any suburb of San Fernando Valley. Hitting a doorbell and leaving? Yes. That should be allowed.
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One of the scariest crimes a gnome can do. But now it seems that he has escalated according to this article posted by the same poster, not two days later. As you can see, my God, finally it's been caught on the 27th. A naked man assaulted a 63-year-old woman outside her home. Do we know it's the same? How do we know it's the same gnome? It's posted by the same man, Eddie.
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Yeah, but there's no way to know that this is the gnome. This man declares that it must be the gnome. The man who attacked the woman. Though was not dressed like a gnome. No. Naked. He was naked. Naked as the new dawn. I think that this person has a lot of crime next to their house. No, no. I think that this guy, he does like to post videos of the helicopters. I have been following this man.
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I don't want to even name him because then you'll find out where he lives. I've been following him. I actually specifically follow his account because of his posting. This is also the man that posted the mysterious picture of the apple. That said that people were harassing him in our neighborhood. Oh. And this man is scared. He's calling it on himself at this point.
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No, she'll be upset with you, especially when you tell her your brutalist fantasies where you want to be a dying Jewish man. And she's a friendly Bavarian woman that has either found you after you've escaped from the concentration camps. I feel so sorry for you, boy. But I just feel like you're just so like, and I mean this. I'm taken to the woods. I mean this the nicest way, Eddie.
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At this point, I want to harass him. I think that I do too, Eddie. I do too. But yes, he is connecting these two crimes. Okay. And I don't know if it is indeed real. But he does firmly believe in the gnome. How do we get Terry the gnome to give this guy a call? I think that Terry the gnome, you'd know if it was Terry the gnome because he'd be naked. He would have been the naked one.
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Fucking a mailbox. Just like Terry the gnome is supposed to be. Stealing lemons even though you got a sign that says, leave my lemons alone. It's a scurvy. That's what he, Terry the gnome, he's just like, I like edging my scurvy. Love Terry. Oh, man. Does Terry ever get with old ladies?
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You know, the hardest part about, let's say, a mature, full-sized human is that a lot of times, you know me, I'm Terry. I give my all. If I'm fucking, I'm fucking from the tip of my gnome feet to the very top of my gnome hat. I throw it all in. I am like a bucking bull. liquid metal cobra up against any woman's pubic muscle, right? I go right up against that bone. Does it matter how big they are?
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No, no. But find that if they're a little bit more mature, I slide all the way in. Yeah. And then what? I got to dig my way out like that guy in the whale. You mean Pinocchio? Yeah, the guy in that video you guys showed the other day. I got to find the light. You know what I mean? Like a plant. Do you know this gnome? That's why I stick to shih tzus. That's because the anal sucks. Yeah, yeah.
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But Theo, do you know this guy? Do you know this guy? Is he part of the gnome community? He's a part of the gnome illegal alien. I'm going to call gnome ice on him. That's what he needs. No, this is not. This is according to the man that posted this.
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This is not my picture, but was an image sent to me by one of my neighbors on this app who lives in the community and was captured on their wing camera. If you have any information on who this is, please contact me. I am building up a case to take to the LAPD. He is talking about being dinged and dashed by a nun. And that he's building this case against this gnome.
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And it is just like a picture of maybe a child running through the street with a gnome hat and a bodysuit. It could be. It could be Eddie. It really could be. Or this is the loneliest man in the world. Oh, my God. And he is desperate for our outreach. Yeah. Well, we should definitely reach out and at least come over and ring the doorbell. I want to go. God, I want to just go. We got to get a hat.
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I'll find his address. Yeah, we got to get this guy.
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You can find this guy. That's the whole point of Nextdoor is you can find the people that post these ridiculous things.
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you're straight up just also this is a little lesson for everybody people keep commenting on i'm wondering what case of what to la people yeah they're all like yeah everybody all the people are commenting as if it's real yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah a lot of comments a lot of comments he takes the time to respond to all of them oh very much so i love it chris w says looks like he thinks he's a teletubby from the back be very careful this is the original poster
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I live in the woods. I need a new forest wife. When you look in the mirror and you see yourself, it's going to be hard, especially like, are you going to draw little numbers on your arm? No, I never got caught. That's the thing. I'm living in the woods. Oh, you're saying you were always... I will die before you take me, baby. That's what he needs.
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Chris, is this a joke? Look at my other posts. It's a man in a gnome costume. God, I love next door. He's so upset. I love it. God. Do you feel safe in your neighborhood? Yeah, I'm the most dangerous person. I saw the same thing in Fresno four years ago, according to Tony Starks. Hi, Tony. This is interesting. Please explain. Is this a joke? That was his response. LOL. No, this is not a joke.
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Please see my other posts. This is a real issue in our community. I just ran the video. God, I love this guy. Maybe he's out there. So just check on your local gnomes, see if they're okay. Pussy. Oh, okay, good. Let's move on. Now, do we have anything else we want to cover before I get to some letters? Well, there is the guy who blew up the people's house that he went to the wedding of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I mean, it's just kind of funny because it really is just that story. Because I was looking into it. There's no connection between that. A couple got married. I think you can assume he was in love with the bride. It seemed like that. A guy left in the middle of the ceremony with jugs and jugs of gasoline. filled the house with gasoline, and then blew up the house with himself inside of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, I think he died on accident, though. I don't think it was a suicide. Yeah, I feel like it was maybe his first time blowing something up. Yeah, it was his first. And so it didn't work out. But yeah, Tom Davis and Eleni Vredos were getting married when their residence exploded, killing Anthony Avelio Puebla inside as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
yes the uh wedding guests who disappeared halfway through the festivities and snuck out to the happy couples illinois home and blew it up right in the middle of the wedding hey man i mean that's how you know they're out of the house yeah no uh yeah if you want this is not a murder this is definitely just very upset with the people getting married even though he was invited See, that's the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
So things were good enough to invite him, or they felt weird about it. Maybe they thought he was so out of pocket, we got to invite him. Yeah. Yeah, no, but he blew up these people's house. Also in Chicago, busy week for Chicago. But yeah, GoFundMe is set up for the couple who lost their house and six cats. Oh, that's sad. The cats make me sad. The cats are sad. He blew up all the cats.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There's no reason for that. You know, there's just so many other ways to get revenge. Oh wow, the GoFundMe already raised $62,000. You know what's a really good way to get revenge, fellas? If you got problems like that, you got to seduce one of the bridesmaids. You think so? Oh yeah. I say go for the groom's mom. Oh fuck if you fuck. Yeah. The groom's mother.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Because she's definitely, especially if she's, you know, a widow or something. Has anybody ever had that side story? It's opotl at gmail.com. Has anybody had their mom get fucked by somebody at a wedding? At their own wedding? Yeah. Yeah, let us know. I feel like that's a good story to pass around. Nothing would make me happier. I've never heard anything like that. I mean, I've seen documentaries.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Also, I've got a lot of people sending in stuff about Stalag fiction. The Stalag... I don't know how you quite pronounce it. Yeah, no, that's... But this is exactly what you're looking for. No, this isn't what I'm looking for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Not at the wedding. At the hotel room later on after the wedding. Or at the wedding. I don't think, you know, if it happens at the wedding, maybe you keep that a secret. Honestly, how crazy fun would that be? Yeah. Think about this. Just laying across the mashed potato bar. Can I ask you, honestly, how would you feel if your good friend, Mr. Pastrami, if he went... You love Mr. Pastrami.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Well, I think we need to pick someone else because we've been friends with my family since six years old. But that's how he set the bond. It's a little too close. It's a little too close. We need someone like Travis. Travis Irvine. Travis Irvine, I feel like, is a good one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And he's probably most likely, I think of anybody on the staff or anybody I've ever known, he's the one most likely to have sex with an older, elderly woman at a wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a member of a family. He's not a prostitute, but he will have sex for like, I don't know. Donuts. Donuts, yeah, dinner. He's a professional producer and an editor, so he does it very well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yeah, he doesn't need your money. No, no, but he wants your sex. But Travis Irvine, how would you feel if your mom was still alive, and you love your mother, and your mom got tipsy at the wedding, and Travis hooked up with her? I mean, as long as he's nice to her. You'd be fine with it. I think so, actually, oddly enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I mean, as long as, like, he's not leading her on and she doesn't fall in love and he breaks her heart, that would piss me off. Why does that make me... I feel like it's weird of, like, the idea that if they attempted to date, that's so much worse than just banging it out. I say, oh, if as long as mom's on the board for banging it out, I think that's fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But, you know, you can't, like, bang her out and then she get too attached, right? Oh, yeah, because then you're seeing him at Thanksgiving and seeing him at Christmas. That's what happened to my mom. But I'm down to see him at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but then that's a whole other thing. You have to be a good person and a good father to me. That's the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I was saying it about Marcus's mom in a way, about how she's so friendly and she's so sweet. It just gets to a point where it would be kind of fun to be Marcus's dad. Yeah. It'd be kind of fun to get in there and just show up. As your father, I feel like, and I'd just like to see the reaction. Just because it's fun to do. Who in the world has a single mom? My mom's almost single.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I read it, but these women are Nazis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I, like a German woman... What do you think the Bavarians were? in Nazi Germany who doesn't believe in their views. And if you're actively fighting it, you're one of them. What do you mean? That's what the Drindle women are. Even though, yeah, they might be apolitical because they have their ghost nipples.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We love Emily. Emily, you're wonderful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Get out of there. Kumail, please. I have your email address. I'm going to do it this way. I'm going to reveal to the world your phone number and email address unless I'm holding your personal information hostage. Yeah. You look great. So attractive. And I mean this right now. Someone needs to send this to him. Send this to him. If you don't have sex with my mom. Please, Kumail. And join my family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You have years. I'd say at least a couple years. Yes. Until we're ready for you. I'm going to dox you. So I need you to be with my mother. I think that if you don't sleep with Henry's mother, we are going to release your personal information. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. And I don't want it to be like this. You're forcing me to do this, Kamau. Your lack of responsibility.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You should not have gotten so in shape. You are forcing me. You are forcing my hand. Yes. And Henry's mother? Eternal. Eternal. That was a movie he was in. Oh, sure. The Eternals. I got through about a solid 15 minutes of it, and I was happy that he is doing well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It sucks, Rob. It fucking sucks. And if you fuck Henry's mom, Henry will finish watching the movie. I promise you. He promises to finish. I promise you. I will, Kamau. You're my friend. When you finish, he finishes. And guess what? I'll even do you one better. I'll throw a letterboxd review for Stuber on there as well. If you could do that. Please. Because my mom won't know what hit her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Thank you, everybody. Thank you guys for helping me with this. God, look at his arms. Yo, he's doing great. God. He's faring you very well. I technically should just text him. We should get him in here. I'd love to, of course. He's doing the rounds. Probably not anymore. Oh, whatever. Oh, whatever. He should be so lucky to fuck my mother. All right. She's good at making food.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Fucking cut some of this. Good looking. All right. We'll make a clip and tag him and see what he says. Yeah, let's see what he does. No, let's go back. Let's get some letters. Sadly, right before I saw this, I saw a headline that says 10-year-old boy crushed to death by 340-pound foster mom after she sat in him for just misbehaving. But we're just going to move on. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Now let's go to... That happens every day. It does. I mean, Wendy just knows to get out of the way. She really does. What's wrong? It's just laughing about that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They hate it. No, they don't. There's no way. They're high-nother guys. There's no way they'd be allowed into the dwindles if they hated it. Oh, come on. Everyone gets a dwindle if you're blonde or red-headed enough. No, the Bavarians were even more hateful than the city-based bar wenches. The pretzel people? Look at this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It's a lot of things. All right. Wendy not getting crushed by you. I blame the boy. You know what I mean? That's what I just did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Now, I got a couple of great listener emails about Mormonism. I was saying before I was going to save it. I wasn't going to save it, but I might actually save it. Just because I did find out within the confines of marriage, blowjobs are okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They're just not that technically prevalent. Okay. But they do... They say... You can do whatever you want within a Mormon marriage. Okay. You can legally get divorced, but your spirit's forever bound. So you just get to see your ex-husband. So it doesn't even matter? No, when you die. That's worse. Oh, yeah, of course. It's all much worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
If you die, your soul is already bonded to your husband, and then you end up on the planet that he inherits and becomes god of. And so that's why every single time I've received, I've received so many emails as we're covering Chad Daybill and Lori Vallow about like, you're painting Mormonism in broad strokes and blah, blah, blah. But I'm going to have, you know, even you normal Mormons are weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
See, that's the thing. These Mormons, man, if they were Catholic, they could be like the Pope and have their lungs filled with cum. Guys! Catholicism's got all the fucking shit too, dude. They got all the fucking same garbage that you guys have, and it's a thousand years older, and people don't think you're a weird pervert when you tell them you got fuck and then you're in it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Unless you're in charge of it. It seems like there's different, everybody's like a different type of Mormon. There's many stripes of Mormon and they're different. Each ward, wards are different. Households are different. Everybody plays fast and loose kind of with the rules.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But technically, if you call yourself a capital M Mormon, no matter what you personally believe, you're on the same bus as the rest of them. Just remember that. So it's, you can't, as much as you want to be like, we're better than the others. No, he ain't. No, no. I mean, all religion is silly. They're all wrong. They're all fake. Even atheists I can't stand. Hate everything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
As an atheist, I don't like atheists.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Everybody can go fuck themselves. Yep. I'm just in a mood today. Yeah, you are. All right, let's get these. Let's get some. This actually, I like what I'm accidentally right. Of course. Yeah. How were you accidentally right? About twisting the radio dials. I've been an ICU nurse in Florida for almost a decade, so I've seen some shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But Henry discussing how to revive a woman by twisting the nips is actually not totally out there. Whoa! Some patients like to fake seizures to receive medication for funsies. This can terrify new nurses witnessing these seizures as the patients usually go full-fledged movie dramatic with them. How long can you fake a seizure for? It's got to be tiring.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Did you see Eddie putting his face on this little Jewish, on the prisoner of this Stalag magazine? These women are dressed like Nazis. They have their tits out. They look great. And they actually aren't dressed like Nazis. They're dressed like something else. She has a Nazi armband. Oh, I thought that was just a fun... X. Maybe that's my problem politically recently.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
How long are you willing to go to get your Ativan? You know what I mean? Like, you just... Phenobarbital, baby. They just flop around, man. They want it, right? Now, after some years of experience with this, you start to learn tricks to be sure they're having a genuine seizure. Most commonly, we lift their arm over their face and let go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
If you're with it, you won't let your arm smack yourself in the face. We can tickle your eyelashes and see if you grimace or pull back. Okay. Really anything that takes effort that you can't control during a real seizure. So they poke them in the eye to see if they fucking react? Come on! You have to do that to a guy with your mouth. Oh, I guess he is really having a seizure. Ow! Ow!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I guess they won't remember. No. I've witnessed on more than one occasion some old school nurses who are clearly tired of the bullshit due to good old radio dial twists, though. There's nothing quite like watching someone faking a seizure absolutely lose their mind after an old woman just straight up yanks the hell out of their nipple.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
While it's not exactly moral or ethically the right option, I will say it works. And I'll say when it comes to fucking emergency medicine, a W is a W. All right. According to, again, this is Google AI. So we don't know if this is real or not. It says a nurse is not allowed to twist your nipples under any circumstances.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Hey, my health insurance is going to do whatever the fuck it is I want it to do. Yeah, I know. All right? And so, yeah, if I'm coming out of here with a $150,000 fucking bill, you better play with my goddamn nipples.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And you better make me cum, too. You don't have to make them cum. It takes too long. At least then I'll feel like I'm in church. Amen. Comey, comey, comey, comey, comey, comey. I got a letter this week. Whoa. Old dogs. A, B, C, D. I said A letter. I know Ed's struggle. It's all too real. We're biased as a family and have a wonderful dog come into our lives that just won't pass away.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Just will not die. It's like the Pope. We were friends with a family who had four border collies and sadly had to move across the country and decided to drive. It was fine for three of the youngest dogs, but at the stage of Sky, who was 16 at the time, coming to the end of their life, the family was unsure what to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We offered to take in Sky as part of our family because, hell, she can't have that much left of a mortal coil, could she? Well, she was brought over to the family, gave us a bag of dog food, and said donate the rest when Sky passed. Five years later, she's still with us. Whoa, that dog could buy a beer. Skye is the best dog a guy would want. She's loyal, beautiful, and kind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There is a point where we had to poke her every other day to make sure she's still with us. She was a soul in a waking undead corpse. Miss her every day, but don't miss the zombie breath. That's my favorite. I love that. Hail Skye. That's beautiful. I love old dogs. I don't think I ever want to have a puppy. I think I don't want to ever have a puppy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You don't understand the side of a swastika? No, honestly, I do understand it. I know it's supposed to be a target for bullets. Yes. It's amazing. The swastika and the Germans, they never turned the swastika into a pretzel. Again, missed opportunities. Totally missed opportunities. There was only a couple years where that would have really popped. That's why they really needed capitalism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Natalie and I have talked about this, and what we want to do, honestly, switch back and forth. Okay. The next dog we get is going to be a puppy. Yeah. And the one after that will be an older rescue. I'd like to rent a puppy. Why? Just so you could play with it for a little bit and then give it back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
foster yeah you could foster it it's a great idea yeah you just don't pay if anybody sounds like i'm doing something good if anybody lets you rent a dog don't do that i would rather pay them for the dog and rent it than me have to like really care about it so you wanted to treat it like a prostitute like it's a sex worker so that's the idea so it's a transactional yes relationship between you and the puppy
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Because you remember every day, love, you don't pay the puppy to show up, you pay the puppy to leave. Right? And you're going to live your life knowing, yeah, I could get puppies if I wanted to, but if I pay them, honestly, it's just a little bit easier for me. And me and my pupsitute, we laugh ourselves to sleep each night because I know in the morning, she'll be gone. Yeah, that's right. Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And you'll be sitting there getting watched by the ghost of Norbert. Man, Norbert's a fucking ghost, dude. And they just keep bringing up his fucking corpse. Well, of course. He's a star. He's dead. We talked about Gene Hackman today. He's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'm going to go. You watched this movie. I did. Norbert doesn't have a movie. If you put all of the fucking Instagram reels together, I bet it's an hour and a half. But I would enjoy if Norbert did play a racist police officer. I do think that that would be incredible. So, check us out at patreon.com. Patreon.com. Slash last podcast on the left. You can pay to watch us yell. It's easy to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
All it takes... Also, Side Stories is available on video on YouTube about two or three days after we release. So go make sure you watch that if you want to see us yell at each other and swallow each other's spit. That's our job. Huntsville, I'm coming for you, NASA. Oh, my gosh. Von Braun Center, the new... The wonderful, the American hero. How did I not know? We've been talking about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'm feeling such a fucking idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He's the Nazi scientist. We made him American. We're going to his center. And we are performing there for the ghost of Werner. And we're going to be there on March 16th. That's a Sunday. We're going to be there. And I mean, you're going to want to come out for this because I have no idea what we're going to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We are going to have so much fun and we're probably going to have enough people that we could hang out and shit afterwards. So come out to see Huntsville. We're going to have a fucking blast. And you can get those tickets on last podcast on the left. Also, more side story shows are coming down the pipe. We're going to announce a couple more eventually, but we have two in Florida in May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Make sure you come out to those. We got Dania Beach on May 7th in Orlando, Florida on May 8th. I can't wait. That Daniel Beach show is going to be amazing. It's going to be fun. All my school friends are coming there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
When I went to high school. It's going to be such a blast. It's going to be a funny time. Yeah. It's going to be hilarious. People are going to be making fun of me from the fucking audience because they all know me personally. Make sure you come and check that out. It's going to be amazing. And then, of course, we're going to be a contact at the desert this year from May 29th to June 2nd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Oh, I remember Ilsa She-Wolf of the SS. We almost saw this film. What is this? It's one of your favorite movies, Eddie. It looks awesome. Yeah, you would love it. Wow. You just never stop jerking off to it. Whoa. It's got dogs and Nazi women? You'd be surprised. I got some old documentaries I could show you as well. Some of them are pretty rough. Exactly. Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Not sure what day we're performing, but go for the whole time. You'll have a fucking amazing time. We're definitely at least doing it. We're doing two days of stuff. So we will be there throughout the entire weekend. So please just come check it out. And we will have more specific information over the next month. And, of course, the wonderful Crime Wave. Oh, crimewaveatsea.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We're all going to be stuck on a boat together. Thank you. Come and watch us all be stuck on a boat together. are going to have a lot of laughter. Oh, my gosh. And I imagine some dead white women. Oh, at least. Which is what we, honestly, we all traffic on. They told me that there's a morgue on the boat. We are going to go. They're going to let me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They said I could do an autopsy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I hope one of you die. If one of you die on the boat, Henry and I get to cut you. If you're a Patreon subscriber. Yes, yes. So if you go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left, you too can have your organs played with by Henry Zebrowski. I don't play with him. I take it very seriously. He works with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I take the blood. Well, hail Satan, everyone. Hail Gene Hackman again. See you in hell, Pope. Ha ha!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Now let's talk about... Do we just lose a bunch of subscribers? Yeah, of course. Every time. Every time we speak. Every day. And if you want to see Eddie in a dwindle dress, he's going to be in one when we do our live show. Well, you've got to dress like a little German boy. I will. You see all these outfits? I saw this on the dwindle site. They're actually selling leather boy swim trunks. I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Leather swim trunks, Henry. It's so a boy drowns on vacation. Yeah. That's the idea. They're all very thick. All of these are very thick. Look at that. For our show. Ooh, man. Well, we got to hurry up and buy this because we're going to be in Huntsville on March 16th at the LBC Center or the VBC Center, the Von Braun Center. Yeah, you're going to love it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And we all love Werner Von Braun, our favorite American. Oh, my God. Is it named after him? Yes. Oh, I never put it together until this moment. Yes. It is named after him. We're playing at a place named after a Nazi. We made him American. All right? So we have to all know that's a fact.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
This whole stuff with Julie is a joke. This is serious. I actually think that you'd be surprised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Natalie says this to me all the time. She tells me all this time about jokes. She's like, oh, you joke. You say it's just a joke. But I also heard you at one point say, Henry, all jokes are true. And I said... Parts of jokes are true and thoughts behind jokes can be true. But this is just history, Eddie. Wernher von Braun started this theater so that he could do his favorite play.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I want to say he did The Wizard of Oz several times because it reminded him of his old boss. Yes. Re-enact Hogan's Heroes? Adolf Hitler's, one of his favorite movies was The Wizard of Oz. There better be a sandwich shop there called Hogan's Heroes. Oh, my God, please. That would be amazing. Oh, God. Satan schnitzels. I eat nothing. That's a great tag. That's a great tag for that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
All right, so we did our plug. We discussed Eddie's lingering fascination sexually with Nazis. I can't believe we're... I know we were going... This is blowing my mind. It's his theater. Yeah, buddy. Where do you think he got Annie Got Your Gun? Annie Got Your Gun. You know what I mean? Where do you think he got these? He's a showman. He always was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
But we have to talk about another one of our favorite villains. She's back. Oh, God. My texts have not stopped ringing. I mean it. The messaging I'm getting all day long. Emails, DMs. My mom reached out. Really? Did you see Casey Anthony's on TikTok? Everyone, why? My mom, my mom even, she was just like, that horrible woman. But her skin looks so nice. And I was just like, no, I know, Mom. Great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Also, why are you on the computer? I don't want her on the computer. But Casey Anthony, in case you live under a true crime rock. You now know that Casey Anthony has started a TikTok, and even worse than a TikTok, she has started a sub stack. Now, Casey Anthony has decided to come out swinging at the top of this. I can't fucking believe this bitch. Casey Anthony, let's just start. Can we play it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Let's scrub through some of the video. You see her. She's very nervous up top because, obviously, she's so not used to public speaking. Yeah, with her giant glasses.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Now, Casey Anthony is she's putting herself forward as this thing, what they call a legal advocate or victims advocate. This is a term you hear a lot. And it is a it's a fraught term. It's also it's hard, right, because it's for people. that largely don't have the resources to hire a lawyer or have been fucked up by the system for various reasons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. It's crazy, Eddie. I didn't even actually didn't even know that they made this and this car anymore. I did not know. I thought that they had discontinued this. The Yugo? No, no. Have you seen the Kia abortion? Oh, yeah. It is crazy. The Kia abortion was it's it's brave, obviously brave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Either they've been rolled through the CPS system, they've been rolled through various things, and they need help. So these legal advocates are people that sort of come out, and some of them are on one side of the spectrum. where they have a lot of experience in training, education. A lot of them used to be lawyers or people that want to be in law enforcement.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And they are looking to do pro bono work to help people. And I'm going to say that's one side of the spectrum. Yes. And on the other side of this... Good. Yes. It's fine. It's utterly fine. Some people need help. You do need help. It is hard when you don't have... It's definitely difficult if you don't have the money. You can't hire a lawyer. You have a public defender.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
If you're lucky or you're getting sued and you don't have money to hire a lawyer. Yes. But then on the other side of all of this, you have Casey Anthony. So now Casey Anthony is the exact worst...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
problem that something like legal advocacy has because it's casey anthony yeah and the second you're standing next to casey anthony you are involved in casey anthony's life her baggage every single thing attached to her she is a human anchor and a child murderer now Devil's advocate. Ooh, so you're going to, so this is you, you're fighting for Casey. I'm not fighting for her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I'm asking questions. If someone was accused of murdering their child, would Casey Anthony not be a really good legal advocate for them? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yes. Absolutely. If you want that involvement, you know what I mean? If you want that involvement, sure, it could be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
If you're also what seems to be accused of murdering your child and there seems to be heaps and heaps of evidence against you, but then you happen to also like sucking your lawyer's penis. I think that Casey would do it really that she'd be perfect for you, because I do think that the most of Casey Anthony's legal information does come from her former lawyer's balls.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And it seems to she believes that it has kind of spread through her brain. Now, I just important to know is that the worst part about something like this is because of the words victim advocacy. Yes. People need help. Right now, more than ever, we got, you know, this divide's coming harder than you could possibly imagine.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We are going to have more people having less and more people having more than ever before. Yes. And when desperation hits, that's when crime goes up.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It's very natural. And it's also very difficult. But another thing that then gets pushed onto those that don't have that much money is is that when you are looking for somebody to help you, you feel, I think, a lot. You look at the term victim advocate and you're like, this is somebody who cares. This is somebody that wants to help no matter what it is that they think.
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Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
They want to put aside their own lives and they want to altruistically help others. But I have to stress, I just got to let you get through your heads just a little bit, is that those people, it's why the grift is so hard in that world. It is, and it does it a lot.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They are literally courting people and weaponizing them against what they consider to be low-level offenders. So these guys are right now, they are implicated. This group is implicated in six murders. Whoa. One of them. That's crazy. Yes. That's a lot. But right now, we're not quite certain yet. We don't know if they did it. It's not official official. No. They're accused.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The two murders that have definitely been tied to members of this group was one, a man by the name of Curtis Lind, who was an 82-year-old landlord who stabbed to death in Vallejo, California. Okay. And then on the other side of the fucking country, David Milland, a border, I believe he's a border patrol agent, was also killed in Vermont. The two suspects in those two separate.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But according to police, they now are saying that they are connected. One was the suspect for the Vallejo murder was Maximilian Snyder. and Teresa Youngblut was for the Vermont one. And now we know that Youngblut has been arrested, and so has Maximilian Snyder. I am sorry if I'm also deadnaming anyone. I will say that some of the writing on this book
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
the newsweek newsweek did a breakdown of the story and that that whole building needs to just be shut down newsweek used to be reputable that article was fucking unreadable and it's supposed to make make it all make sense i'm not quite certain because a lot of these people within this group were transitioning so some of them some of them are reporting them as their new names and some of them reporting them as their dead names and i have no idea which is which
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Well, if they haven't officially changed their name and committed a crime, I imagine— They would be known as their legal name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. But it's—again, it's all over the place. But they are—the whole thing is that what these people have done is created a school of thought where they don't believe in surrender.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And they believe in this kind of—it's a fight between the good and the non-good. And they have this decision-making process called functional decision theory— that comes from some highfalutin, old-school ideological, some kind of left-wing concept about you're not making decisions every day.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm butchering this, but it seems one of the layman terms to kind of describe this is that it's very similar to Euronymous in the Batavia series. Okay. Where all decisions are, there's no quantifiable morality that can be put on your decision making. What you're deciding between when you make a decision, you're not deciding between results. You're deciding between strategies to get results.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So the strategies, so all you're caring about is the strategy. You don't really care if the results are good or bad because those things don't matter. They view themselves as double good, which means they view themselves at some kind of form. They said it's extreme altruism. mixed with extreme veganism, which means death to all people that are not vegan.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And they also are in the sovereign citizen world, where the goal is to constantly engage in an aggravating way people of low-level authority to the point where violence gets involved. So why did they kill the border agent in Vermont? Was he bringing in moose meat or something? Essentially what happened is that the two people that were pulled over, they were part of this supposed group.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The Zizians. The Zizians. They got pulled over. They had already been tracked. These two people were at a hotel a couple of days before. They looked suspicious. They were dressed all in black, carrying guns around, being really, really... extra looking like Columbine killers, right? Know that if you're going to commit such crimes, if you're wearing that type, people are going to notice.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
That sounds right up my alley. It's what you like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love a boring movie. Hey, and welcome to a boring podcast. My name is Henry Zebrowski. This is Side Stories. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. I'm so sad because of all the boring things in my life. I wish that I had more exciting things to do, which is why you know what actually really helps? What helps? Methamphetamine.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Well, they're doing it on purpose. They're doing it to be noticed. And so they get told that they got someone from the hotel called the police and said, I'm worried about these people. The hotel manager went to go talk to them. They said they're just staying in town to go look at property that they're going to buy. So the police are already aware of their presence. They get stopped.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it's literally just within the traffic stop that they decide to shoot at these officers. They just pull their guns and start shooting. Oh, okay. Because they just decided that they were being persecuted. And now is the time to begin to shoot. They both got shot. Both suspects were shot. But the cop that got shot died. Did they live? Yes. Well, one of them lived. Okay.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Youngblood, who is now going into jail. On the other side of the world, in California, that a man by the name of Lind, who was a landlord who owned this piece of land, had a group of these Zizians live. And what they believe, one of their big concepts, another one, is this... They don't necessarily believe in personal property as well.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So one of the big ideas... They shouldn't have signed the lease. Of course. The central character of the story is known by the dead name of Jack Lasoda. And what they have put together is a series of, like, from their blog, where they had a blog called Sincereously, where they wrote all of these very, very long-winded theories about rationalism. This whole thing is an AI vegan cult.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But they hate AIs. No. Yes. Well, they believe that AI needs to be risk mitigated. They work in risk management. These are all people. Everybody seems to be involved within the Zizi. They work in risk management, but they're out here killing people. Exactly. But they are.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But it's because they believe that there's a war that is going to be happening between the good and the non good, whatever this means. But this Ziz person for a while was living what they called the rationalist fleet. One of their jobs, the concept was we'll live for free on boats in the water, which just didn't work.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Boats are very expensive. Money pits.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it costs money to pay. Two best days of having a boat, day you buy it, day you sell it. Amen, brother. And then that was a big problem. And so what happened was that a group of these Zizians, were living in... Every time you say their name, you sound drunk. Zizian. Zizian. Come here, Zizian.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I saw you kissing the piano player. But they were living on giant storage boxes, these big, like, what do you call... What are you... They're like... Import. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Storage containers. Containment units. They were living in containment units on this guy's land. During the rent moratorium of 2020 in the California area, he stopped charging them all rent. Once the moratorium ended, the 80-year-old man showed back up to say, hey, I'd like to get rent from you guys now, right? Or you're going to get ejected. Yes.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And then they did the ejecting by fucking stabbing him to death. And so they all attacked him. He'd already had run-ins with this group before. Right now, and then another member of the Zizians... God, it's so rare you feel bad for a landlord. Right? And it's like, another member of the Zizians killed their parents. So that's the other, like, two deaths that are floating around.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We're trying to figure out exactly how organized they are. But all of this comes from the internet, and all of it's about... being aggressively against anybody that is not in their philosophical system. So when did this all break? Is this new? Or is this like, have they been around for a while now? A couple of years. The thing where it really kicked off is that there was a protest of,
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
in the, there was a protest where it first kicked in where the, Ziz is now in jail. There was a protest at this place called the Center for Applied Rationality, which is hilarious because these are all, I also love that all of these reactionary, essentially terrorists and cult members all call themselves rationalists. Oh yeah.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Dude, I spent so long. I almost forgot that it existed. If you want to add some, like a pinch of excitement, smoke meth. Yeah, because the vitamin C just ain't cutting it. It really doesn't. Tell me, chia seeds? Yeah. It is not exciting me at all. I am smoking meth, and I feel vivacious. I am ready for work. I'm productive. I'm having sex with my wife five, six times a day. Yeah.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Because the idea that it's believing that human intelligence will save us. Yeah. Has the whole world gone crazy when you're the one who's gone crazy? Yes. And then AI will also help us if we properly mitigate the risk. But the this place for center applied rationality was a local kind of outreach about this rationalist thought and.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And Ziz decided, apparently, that they weren't, first of all, weren't being included. Then eventually turned into really histrionic accusations of CIFAR essentially telling them that they were, like, saying that they were attacked by CIFAR. Like, making shit up. Then they did a bad protest at this place during this big meeting.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And the way they were dressed, people thought they were there to kill everybody instead of doing a protest because they were dressed all scary and they were holding guns. And so they all got arrested. So they're all currently in jail. Right now, the whole crew is basically in jail. The whole cult's in jail? They're basically all in jail already. Oh, so we don't even need to talk about it.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Not really. But I would say, if you're interested at all, because you just, you know me. Yeah. The reason why I'm even talking about this is because I love cult systems. I love thoughts in cults. I love the inner workings of cults. And what I love is a new one. Right now, if you go and look it up, you can go and see their entire life. Like they have a whole mission statement that is fascinating.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's Zizians.info. And I will say it doesn't make any sense. And if you please, somebody try to explain to me what in the living hell functional decision theory and this idea of hemispherical thought and unhemispheric sleep. That's what they're trying to teach them to sleep with one half of their brains at another. They're also cutting people off from their family.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The big thing with Ziz was telling brand new members essentially like your parents don't get you. You need to kill them. Oh, yeah. And, you know, again, whether your parents get you or not, don't kill them. Because when it comes down to them not getting you is why you're cool. Okay? If your parents get you, you're not cool. Or they are. Yeah. And you're real dumb. And that's annoying.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
When your parents are cooler than you. I don't even want to think about that.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
What that's like. So, up with Riz... Down with this. So go and check it out. Go try to fucking pull this apart. It's just all over the place. I just thought it was a, it's fun to see a baby Colt and also see how, you know what I will say? Truly, these Zoomer Colt leaders, you spend more time outside of your fucking phones.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If you're going to be a Zoomer cult leader, I'm going to be talking to my alphas, my gen alphas fucking cult leaders. You need to get out there and you need to start working on your interpersonal skills. Yeah, meet some people. You can't hold a cult together with blogs alone. It's not how it works. You need to physically control them. I'm not saying to do it. I'm saying what you should do.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If you want to be better at being a cult leader, you're going to need to go out there and meet people. I'm sorry. I know you're anxious, but you're going to have to go out there and say hi to people if you want your cult to stick together and eventually be attacked by the fucking ADF. Yeah, and also, you know, we got to work on these outfits. Seriously. This is crazy.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like, you shouldn't at all. If you're not employed, make a costume. Yeah. Make a uniform for your fucking cult. A tie-dye muumuu or some shit. None of you guys are making good shit for the future. No. I want my fucking Order of the Solar Temple, but now. Yeah, I want, like, headbands and shit. Stop killing just randos and just kill yourselves. Yes.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The real cult. Just fucking kill yourself. The aliens are coming and you got to kill yourself to meet them. But first, you know, just do something fun with it. Yes. But Zisters of Mayhem would be a better name than Zizians. I love Zisters of Mayhem the band. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love them. So, yeah, go look it up. This person also talked about Roko's Basilisk. I hate philosophy.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
How about the men? Are you having sex with them again? Yes. Two, three times a day. Whenever there's a man around me, especially a police officer that I'm trying to score meth from, I'll suck his fucking dick. I'll put his baton in my ass. Yeah, it's great. I love to smoke out of a light bulb with a cop. You really should. You try it. Mm-hmm. You guys smoke teeth at home? You should smoke teeth.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I like philosophy because I'm trying to sort of get into it. I've been reading it more, right? I read some Stoicism. I read a little bit of fucking some Sartre. What was that? Sartre. That doesn't mean anything to me. Sartre. You can keep saying it, but you're not really saying anything. Sartre. Side stories, LPOTL, if you know what Henry's saying. Sartre. But I tried to.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I tried to read it, and I didn't fully understand it. I've tried to read. I've read some Nietzsche. Nietzsche? Nietzsche? I've read Freddy Nachos. I've read a lot of Freddy Nachos, and I kind of fucking get that, too. So I sort of get it. Yeah. So it's one of those where, how is this helping?
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I do think it would be better for, and I've said this, I have a lot of friends on the left wing, fully left wing people that I've talked to, and they all agree with me, which I do think so, is that the language needs to be cleared up, and you need to make it so that we can understand it, because we're all stupid. Okay?
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And just because we're stupid doesn't mean that we don't deserve to be educated. Yes!
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So try to help me. Try to reach me. Try to understand me. I guess you can't. I guess you won't. I guess you front. That's how I know my life was out of love, fool. Whoa! The gangster's fucking paradise. Damn, dude. That was wild. Fucking Coolio. R.I.P.P. Hanging with Norbert. Was he alive? No, he's dead. He's dead, yeah. Another one gone too soon. Another Patriot gone.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
All right, now, that was my first big story of the week. All hail Ziz. No. No. No, opposite. But, yeah, I just, again, it's just nice to see a left-wing one. You never got one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is good. But the other big story of this week. This one's huge. Again, who's into gooning? Who's doing the gooning? I, it's weird.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I didn't know what gooning was, and then you explained it to me, and I, like, remembered that I kind of knew what it was. Gooning? You know what I'll say? Back in our day, Eddie and I were saying this before the show. We masturbated with a purpose. That's right, man. We masturbated to cum. I want to see results.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I want to feel and see results to masturbate. If I just wanted to sit and play with dick and balls, I would have been a fucking altar boy. I want to go back and be a priest. But if I just want to sit and play with my hard dick and balls all day, then it's just like, what am I doing? I masturbate to cum. It is fun to play with your dick and balls when it's not hard.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And you just slap it around and scratch it and shit and be like, oh, there it is. Especially when you're sick. It's the best. But still. Used to have a purpose. But these kids found a new way to make gooning have a purpose. Yeah, these guys. Oh, yeah. All right. Gooning. Oh, boy. I do love this term.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Gooning may be this simply defined as the state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session when a man becomes completely hypnotized with a feeling radiating his penis. That's not good. It's not good. Gooning is normally, you get horror, but you don't cum. Do you think it started as a practice to just last longer? No, I just think... They're just bad at jerking off?
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I think men are broken, Eddie. Yeah, most of them are. I think that this came from... Have you ever left a comment on a pornography video? Never. Never. These are the people that are doing it. These are the guys with usernames. Yes. Okay, gotcha. This is a very unfortunate story.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Not that hot. Barely gooned. So sad. Yeah, I almost came. She's so ugly. Now, did you ever see that Martin Scorsese movie, Goon Doon? That's actually a very funny idea for a parody. Yeah, yeah. A three-hour movie about monks not being able to come. It's perfect. We are still holy if we keep it in. Now, this story, obviously, this story starts sad. But then it gets happy. All right.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Don't smoke teeth out in the streets. If you're going to smoke your teeth, smoke them at home. See, I thought you were about to segue into promo for our live shows. Oh, we can. We can. If you want to smoke some teeth with us, we got a big one. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee, baby. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee, baby. Ooh-wee. Won't you let me take you on a city cruise? That's right. Whoa. That's right. That's right.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So, a man with the most unusual name of Nautica Malone... That is his Christian name? That is his Christian name. And he went viral for a little video. Now, first, Eddie, I want to show you the video. Now, this was filmed outside of a Tempe, Arizona, what they call a Bikini Beans. Okay.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Now, Bikini Beans, for those of you who don't know, it seems to be a kiosk in Boiling Sun where 18-year-olds are in bikinis selling coffee. Hot coffee in bikinis. In bikinis. Seems dangerous. But also, at the same time, fun idea. But also, these poor ladies are fucking just sitting ducks. Yes. And so this man was filmed in the drive-thru of the Bikini Beans.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And we're going to see right now why this caused a bit of a controversy. Okay.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So what you don't see... He has no pants on. He has no pants on and his penis is in his hands. He's driving a very manly car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a Dodge Charger. Now, that's a man by Nautical Malone. Now, what's interesting is that he has a beautiful smile. He seemed very handsome. He's a husband. He's a husband and father.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It also seems that this is a I'm going to say repeated behavior because the barista knew to film the man. So he came up. He showed his penis and he showed that he was touching his penis. The woman that was serving the coffee. He then went and committed suicide. So, Nautica Malone went and blew his brains out. Now, because it went viral.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And his family's going to find out that he's jerking off to the girls. Well, I'll tell you what, buddy. His family, before it went viral, the family went to shame the bikini barista for putting it on the internet. Yes. And she said, your son's a pervert. Then he committed suicide. So they tried to be like, why did you ruin my son's reputation? Your son ruined his own reputation.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And they decided to take legal matters in their own hands and provide some civilian justice by putting this guy on blast. They didn't put his name out there. They just showed him. It just went really, really viral. He committed suicide. It was bad for this guy, right? Yes. You think now, end of this sad story. You would think. You'd think. You would think this would be the end of the story. No.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The children of the internet always win. Yeah. Well, I don't know if they win. No, they're actually all in danger. But what they have figured out is to embrace it, create a new thing. So the gooners of 4chan decided to call. They looked upon this man. This is a group. I don't know what they... I don't know. They were live streaming, though. They live streamed.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Man, last night I was watching Mulholland Drive. Ooh. I'm going through it back. Obviously, just the full David Lynch. Yeah. I'm still stuck in it. I watched some Twin Peaks last night. I'm still working on it. It's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. But, man, you just forget just how... Like, sexy, that movie is. I haven't seen it since the theater. That's good.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
This is from... They're called the gooners of 4chan? Or they are gooners of 4chan? This is according to Complex Magazine. Okay. They, a group of gooners, arrived at the Bikini Banes and held... a memorial for who they called their goon lord nautica and he called him goon lord hashtag goon lord And they hosted whatever the first ever hashtag Gooneral. Gooneral.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Where they showed pornography in this parking lot in memory of Nautica. And they had t-shirts made up, a memorial Goonelord t-shirts made up. Yeah. And the funeral was promptly broken up in 20 minutes. 20 minutes? By the police. That's a pretty good time. The Gooneral was... I know that none of this is good.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But... I will say. Do they call themselves gooners? People who goon? Yes. Yeah. I believe it's goonists. Oh, yeah. That makes it sound aggressive. And they practice goonism. Yes. Goon Lord Memorial only lasted for a short time. But I think for all of us, I think a goon roll is now we very rarely see a novel idea put into the lexicon that can really take off in a good way. Yeah.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Side stores is hitting the seas. We're going to be a crime wave coming your way on Royal Caribbean. Oh, yes. So we're doing this crime wave. I saw many people say. Tickets go on sale on Friday. Yes, they do. I, many people asked, is this, I thought this was a bit. No. I thought you guys were making this up. No. Go to the Royal Caribbean website.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You got to have a goon roll like there has to be paid admission, you know, because if you just like for the pornography. Yeah. For the pornography. And like you can't do a goon roll out in public. You know, there's got to be, you know, there's got to be like waivers and I guess 18 and over. See, I feel like a goon role, it doesn't have to involve you gooning.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's just more all of them understanding that this member of our gooning community is gone. And that pillar, that corner of our gooner world, I can't hear that word. It's like, you know, the clicks of your dog's nails. Yes. It's how comforting that is. Yeah. Yeah. When they're always done, they're walking on the. The sound of. Well, is it that fast or is it just like slowly?
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Let's just face it, Eddie. A lot of these guys can't get hard or come anyway. I think that if you're going to do it, it's going to have to be like a lot of slapping. You got to slap your penis to keep it awake, you know, and then like, you know, I don't know. I've never gooned. I never, I never gooned. I always, you know, shoot to win. You know, I'm on a time. I'm on a time limit.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm a results-oriented person. I'm a person that must... Put a clock on it. I'm not wasting my time to not come. That's why I don't even like strip clubs. I love strippers, but I don't like strip clubs. Yes. Because it feels weird to be hard in a public place with friends. Yeah. Well, you don't have to get hard. You can just have fun looking at boobies. But she's touching your ding-dong.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You don't have to get a lap dance. You can just sit there and watch. I got a lap dance one time at the Claremont. From a seven-year-old woman. You have to do it at the Claremont. If I ever went to the Claremont, I would have to get a lap dance. we will be going to the Claremont in Atlanta. Yes. When we head there in June. I think that we should go and host an after party at the Claremont.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I think that's a very good idea. Our wives will love it. As someone who worked at Hooters, we would run into this kind of shit sometimes. Like guys would go in the bathroom and start jerking off and shit like that. And we'd have got to kick them out and stuff like that. There was guys that would leave like, you know, like horrible tips for the girls.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like they like half a hundred dollar bill or something like that in a room key. You know, like a bunch of horrible human beings. Yeah, that's not cool. And so I think, but like when I look at this Bikini Beans place, it seems like it's worse than Hooters. What? It seems like... You mean to tell me that there are...
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yes. That I feel that it would be, do you think that there might be problems? It's so weird because I have to wear, when I worked in the kitchen, I used to have to wear a hairnet. You know, and like a bikini just seems like, ah, you know, they don't got bushes anymore, half of them. I know, but still. But your hairnet, you had hair down to your butt. Yeah, of course you had to have a hairnet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You can buy tickets starting this Friday for crime wave. Yeah. We are providing the comedy. And I mean it. We are going to, Eddie and I have already decided one of our bits. We're going to choose top five women on the boat to push off. And the top five guys who look like they're going to push. Exactly. We are going to have so much fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I wore a hat. I'm just saying everyone had to have a hairnet or something like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Oh, no, not the servers. Yeah. Not on the floor. But they're making coffee. It's just coffee, though. Yes. It's just coffee. It's just coffee. But part of me thinks Hooters has like walls. Hooters has another staff. It's got a bunch of angry chefs. They have health insurance. It has some security.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It has a bunch of stuff where this is just a lone 18-year-old in a bikini. Just waiting to be harassed. Yeah, that is the problem with the Bikini Beans coffees, it seems like. But I also love it, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's like shirts and shorts. This is a bikini. But I also, I like the concept. I do. I like the concept. I think that they should be allowed to make this concept. I don't mind this. I just think that. I think that hiring the age of the women that work there should be a little higher. Yeah, honestly, I'm going to put it this way. If I was a business owner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If I was a business owner of a Bikini Beans, minimum, 35. Oh, yeah. No, that's how you get a real employee. I think a lot of people should, to be honest, if we focus more on the MILF end of this, think about how much more money you'd make. Like oat MILF? Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, no, exactly. Like oat MILFs is fun. Yeah, I like this a lot. I like where you're going with this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like legal. Yeah. And that's crazy legal. And whole milf is what, $50,000?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
yeah yeah i think that because a milf can hold her ground you get a 40 year old woman in there and she's gonna be like you watch your fucking mouth you bastard you know i mean like that's what we need unless that makes them harder than ever before but i just think it's fucked up like first of all these kids don't know how awful they're being or they do know how awful they're being but it's like it's like the goon lord's doing the fucking gooner roll you think it's bad i've
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
What are you talking about? It's like a candlelight vigil for a pervert. First of all, we don't even know that this guy was gooning. We don't even know he's a gooner. Well, he wasn't not gooning. Well, he was. We don't know. He could have been about to come. I didn't see that. If you look at the video again, he's not. He just got to the window. His pants are not there. No, they're not there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I think their hero is a fraud. Yes, I agree. I don't think that Eddie, you're right. And they're modeling themselves off of some guy who committed suicide the moment he gets caught gooning. You know what it is? He should be fucking thankful he got caught if he wants to be their hero. You know what it is? To be honest, it's not about this, man. It's about gooning. Yeah. It's not about Nautica.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's about other gooners coming together and be like, if we could just find a safe place for us to be. It's certainly not the parking lot of a coffee shop. Jizzreel. If we could form Jizzreel. Oh, I like this. For the gooners. Yes. They can go down there to Jizzreel and they can all goon together as a community. Yeah. We'll give them Galveston. Let's give them Galveston.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And I say our hope, honestly, I hope we only lose about 10% of the audience.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If we can section off Galveston, we'll give it to the Goonis. They can sit in there and they can, because again, it's more just don't rub your lifestyle in our face. I don't want it anywhere else. Literally don't rub it in my face. I want you to go down to with Benjamin Nutting Yahoo in Jizzville and just, and then finally, maybe they can come. Nut and yagoo, please. Thank you. I'm sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
yeah to cry because here's the thing like if you want to come and you want to see us this is a vacation you should plan it leaves out of fort lauderdale um go to uh crime wave at c.com slash left to get your tickets on friday um it's from november 3rd to 11th uh to november 7th and i cannot truly stress this enough this is going to be one of the oddest weekends of all of our lives i don't even know why we said yes you've got
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm sorry. I'm not fully, I'm not fully, I'm not fully fluent in Goonish. Well, I wanted to say one thing. I don't think anyone should be going to these bikini bean stores because they do not treat their employees correctly. I just did a brief search.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And then first of all, there's no, the application's all about like your social media and none of it's about, they don't even need to put their age on the application. And there is absolutely no, I just feel like the coffee is suffering. Yeah, well, the coffee's got to be bad. I don't know. Again, we are coming. Five stars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Girls in bikinis serving coffee. Coffee was good. Service was good. Girls were nice. Yes. Brian B. That's Westwood, New Jersey. Arguably a sexist concept, but it seems to be done for what it is, and it's in good fun. Brian even tried to neg it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
He had to basically say, you know what, in the end. Yeah. It's allowed. This is something that if President Eisenhower had looked upon, he'd be like, and that's why we fought the Japanese. That's what our American flags are for. They used to have this horrible concept there at the Bikini Beans. Are you ready for this? They would make you pay for your training.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So if you got trained there, you would then owe them $300 before you ever got a paycheck. Arizona? According to Matt H., I follow Bikini Beans Coffee on Instagram because of their beautiful baristas. I stopped at this business while I was visiting Tempe. Their coffee is very good and the service is friendly. They were a bit slow getting my odor out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It was great seeing the beautiful ladies and their smiles. I was disappointed when I was unable to get a picture with the girls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They said they couldn't come outside and stay inside the building. Yes. And it's a good rule. Yes, yes. They're like a thing that if we stay in the bulletproof glass, we don't get taken. You know, like, it's just like girls keep getting taken, you know? So, according back to Matt H., if you want to get a picture, they said if you stop by about closing time, you can get a picture with them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So, a perfect time to stop here would probably be between 9.30 and 10 p.m.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
He couldn't wrap his meaty yelping paws around them. Fucking Indianapolis Matt H. I can't even imagine the sadness inside of the Indianapolis bikini beans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And what that must be like. Because I just feel like the Indianapolis bikini means it just has me working there. That's forescooting if you live there. Hey, you want a red eye or a fucking black eye?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Gooning in Indianapolis is just jerking off a bratwurst. I can't believe it will not come. Gooning in Indianapolis, I think, is... God, that's my... It's going to be my fucking album. Give us some stories before we get out of here. We've got to run through some stories. If we only get to one, this one I feel like sparks a debate here. A woman used fart selfies to harass a partner's ex. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, this is interesting. This is interesting. A woman who sent videos of herself passing wind in a series of harassing messages to her boyfriend's ex-partner has been given a community order. That's right. Yeah, she got 12 months of fucking parole for sending fart videos. For sending fart videos. Now, over WhatsApp. Well, this is UK. This is UK.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
This is the UK, so that's a part of it to remember. Yeah, this is definitely the UK. She sent more than three more fart selfies to Debra on WhatsApp on December 22nd, right before Christmas. Maybe that's why. It could have been a gift. People are upset. Four more in the following days. But then one was Boxing Day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
to come to this because I don't know if we're gonna do it again but when you come we're not doing it again I don't know unless it's the funnest thing that we've ever done so you're gonna come out we're going to have a blast and our goal is to bring the true crime to the other two thirds of the boat that doesn't know that there's a true crime cruise happening on their cruise yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
At New Year's Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is honestly, you know you got your biggest fucking fart saved up for those days.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Because you've been eating ham. After Christmas dinner. Oh, yeah. Christmas Day, you've been fucking pounding the ham.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And then you've been drinking fucking, especially in the UK, they're drinking all that beer, too. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the beer shrank.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
runs through a woman so evans was arrested at her home admitted to sending the videos and was given a 12-month community order and fines she suggested she wanted to send videos because she felt her partner was being treated unfairly and said that it was purely malicious she was smirking throughout and found it hilarious but the victim did not find it hilarious
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, definitely not, because that was the point. She's sending fart videos to her ex, which should be one of the most celebrated, non-invasive way to tell someone to go fuck themselves. It really is like the most innocent way to attack your partner's ex. But we've had this happen a lot, because UK has a different, they really are more concerned with it seems over there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They don't like farts as much as we do. Oh, that's not true. You don't think so? You think so? There are just some. This is one thing that you'll discover even more as you research deep into things in the UK. Yeah. The type of horny that a really gross British couple are into. You know what I mean? With the big ears, big crooked noses, horrible fucking Adam's apples, spindly knees. Yes.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Fucking gray skin. I know how they look.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah. These guys are fucking, they're eating each other's farts. They're eating each other's shit. Yeah, the nice ones. But I'm saying, they're like, that's a normal couple in some of these smaller towns in the UK, right? Like, that's what they do. Yeah. So farts are like, they've been doing farts forever. Benny Hill, like, Shakespeare. Shakespeare had fart humor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Comedy Bears as well had fart humor. Like literally, yes. Shakespeare had plenty of farts. Farts are actually a huge part of the entertainment history of the UK. I'm not even being facetious. No. Which is hilarious to even use the word. Facetious when you're talking about fart culture. And so fart culture, I would never even think to be facetious about fart culture. Yeah. Right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And the first fart joke came back from the Sumerians. That's how old fart humor is. The fact that this woman can't freely send. And because in the UK, it seems, when we did the Somerset Gimp and we did a couple other people. They really they have, which I do. I like the idea of the Somerset camp. He would just show up and get stepped on or something. But he would jerk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
He would rub his genitals in front of people. And in the UK, they take that way more seriously than we do in the United States of America. They take the concept of you breaking my consent by showing me something I don't want to see. Like, in America, we're just used to it. I mean, I feel like I've just seen so many people fucking, I saw a man openly take his shit. I've seen men fucking masturbate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I've seen homeless women's open pussy. I've seen all that kind of stuff, right? I heard Matt Gaetz is about to be the surgeon gooner-all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They say the first joke ever recorded was a fart joke. Oh, I remember. It's so silly. I mean, that's how you get kids to laugh. It was the Sumerian proverb. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial. A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. Yeah. This woman said that the reason she... I think I actually had an Uber driver say that to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Well, at the time she sent the video, she had some drinks and then she sent them understanding that this has caused the victim some distress. Yeah, she tried to. Yeah, she sent them without malicious intent. Yeah, she did. I think she sent them with malicious intent. Yeah, she sent a fart video to her fucking husband's ex. Why is this that complicated or bad? But I'm still like, I know it's rude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We are going to info dump. We are going to go to that karaoke night, which I'm going to probably host, and I'm going to get a hold of that mic, and I'm going to tell everybody about the Black Dahlia. I'm going to tell everybody about Andre Ticatillo. I'm going to ruin the cruise for everyone else for the sake of you. Come and watch us. We're going to have a fucking blast. That's one announcement.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah. But I don't see the crime. How is this a crime? How is it a crime? I don't see the crime. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Maybe it's harassment? I think people are... Put the ass in harassment? If you could. But you know what? I've had a couple of people even say that they think that Eddie and I take the side of the bully often.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Only because in my view is I think that over punishing something stupid. I hate red tape. I hate the concept of this is something that very much so could have been sort of handled between y'all. Right. Like you could have been like, hey, stop sending me fart videos or I'm going to come over there and slash your tires or like old school blocker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You don't have to watch the fart video. You know what you also could definitely do? And I want to say this to everybody with power. You know what you can do? Close your phone. Yeah. It's on the phone. You're on your phone too much. All you had to do was just not look at the text from your fucking, your ex's new girlfriend. Why are you looking at the text? Don't look at them. Delete them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Don't be involved. Why do so many people want to go back to their exes? Why are people so obsessed with their exes? Move on. Just move the fuck on. If they're going to text you Billy, great. Who cares? I'm getting fucking cornholed by somebody else now. I'm bugging with that golf DJ that you knew that I was going to be with. You're getting cornholed by a golf DJ?
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm playing the character of the ex. I think the ex took it too far by bringing it to the police. Of course. By being like, because then what this is all doing is just playing you further into the ex's fucking world. Well, she knew she had her fucking ass in a sling because now she's got to go to 60 days. Because her ass was on the fucking phone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And her ass was in... Honestly, she... And she's... Not to be anything. She looks like she could... Really fart. Yeah. She does look like she has some in her. But she's cute. I like her. She seems nice. This is a creative way to get revenge, even though there's no revenge to get. Why is this a crime?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I don't know why it's a crime, but she has 60 days of alcohol abstinence monitoring and two-year restraining order against the victim. She has to not drink for two years because of the farts? No, a two-year restraining order against the victim, 60 days alcohol abstinence, and 15 rehabilitation sessions. I will say this lady must love that I just looked up her name, Rhiannon Evans Farts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it's just her. Yeah. You know what I mean? That if you type in her name, it's just farts. It's the first thing that comes up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Which is punishment enough. That's punishment enough. Okay? I really do think that the social punishment of her name now being forever tied to the word farts is enough. I mean, I think it's great for her. Of course she was smirking. She was fizzing her and she was shooting herself farting. Yeah. It's funny to do. It is funny. It was on the day after Christmas. It's hilarious. It is funny.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You got them farting. She didn't have to smell them. Same thing with- It's over the phone. Seriously. You know what? Actually, Eddie, that does bring me to, I actually could further understand if she came and farted on your pants. Or property even. But still, I don't even think it's fine. I think it's fine. I feel like I bring the HOA in. Dude, I had this situation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Tell me what you think about this. I almost got in a fight in the bathroom a couple weeks ago. At work? No, this is a solo bathroom, so I'm going to have to get in a fight with myself. I was about to say, yeah, you shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, I would just be kicking the toilet. I got in a fight. No, but... Fucking and fighting, kissing, tugging. So I'm at a urinal. And I let a big old fart out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Another announcement. Oh, I'm going to host a belly flop contest. Hopefully. I've told them it's one of my demands. We have to get insurance, though. Yes. Oh, really? Apparently. Oh, okay. Just because some people don't know how to properly belly flop. Is there insurance in the middle of the sea? Sure. But yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And the guy next to me looks at me and goes, really? I would deck him in the mouth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We have talked about this on this show. We've already talked about this. This debate is settled. Yeah. You farted the urinal. Yeah. It's a bathroom. It's a bathroom. You can fart at the urinal. I literally looked at him like, where the fuck do you want me to do it? And then he immediately realized he was wrong. Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's first of all, don't talk to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Also, him talking to you is the violation of the urinal code.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The only way you're supposed to talk to each other if you go like... The only thing he ever should have done was nice. Yeah. Exactly. That's what a man is supposed to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You know who's really good at this? Trans men. Yeah. You get them in that fucking bathroom because they can't, like, that's what I like is a hardcore trans man. You can do that thing where you go like, fucking, dude, what the fuck, dude? And they're fucking ready to go. They're farting. They're shitting. They don't give a fuck, dude. They're low down, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They're going to go out there and they're going to fucking fight for you, man. Yeah, man. I got so fucking mad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah. That makes me want to get other cis men out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm farting. I'm farting. We know this, though. But we already know this. Yeah. And the audience knows this. Oh, well, I think we should get to some listener mail. Yeah, let's get to some listener mail, Eddie. There was a podiatrist who got caught jerking off at people, but we don't need it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Well, honestly, the most disgusting thing about the podiatrist was the fact that he was a podiatrist without a license, which I think is what kind of pervert do you have to be to voluntarily be a podiatrist? And then jerking off while you're touching feet all day. Well, it's also the sad part about that. I mean, now we're doing the story.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
He got caught because he jerked off in that front window, right? And then the lady called. She's like, I think somebody's jerking off my front window. And then the saddest assignment that a cop had to get, which was then put on duty watching that window and had to watch the man go jerk off at the window, watch him leave, go collect the cum in a little cup to go make sure it's the guy he
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
That's a bad job. That's a shitty day at work. That's a shitty day. That's all your job is. If this guy was a gooner, he would have never got caught.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
see gunas yeah yeah some gunas have a point no material left behind but also i just really i've brought this up last time we talked about a cum bandit um they're not stealing cum they're leaving it don't call them bandits i'm sick of this shit it's because it's not no banditry is happening i'm sick of these people being called cum bandits they are just they are essentially they are mailmen for ejaculate yeah
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All right. So let's let you write, Eddie. Thank you. So mad. You should. All right. So here we go. Let's talk a little bit about this. I got a couple of go. I got a couple. These two letters in a row that I'm excited about. I was peripherally involved in a UAP incident at Vandenberg Air Force Base in 2003.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I just transferred to Vandenberg Air Force Base as security forces staff sergeant in late October, early November. I was assigned to Delta Flight, which was the night shift. The master sergeant in charge was giving me the tour of all the secured areas before I actually started working. He told me that he needed to stop by the LE desk, which is what we call the police station for the base.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But no, I feel like when you flop into the belly, because this is the problem, truly, about people. A lot of people think they can belly flop, but you've got to be really pretty fat. Oh, there's lots of bloody noses when it comes to the belly flop contest. It's a big part of it. A skinny lady. I've seen a skinny lady belly flop and bounce off the water and go off the pool. Yeah, they skip.
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The master sergeant went into his office, and I decided to get to know the two guys working there that night. After a while, they asked if I could watch the office while they stepped out for a smoke. A couple of minutes later, the phone rang. A woman claiming to be a dispatcher with California Highway Patrol was asking me if we had any planes in the air.
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I told her that due to security reasons, I couldn't give her that information. She then said that two chips were pulled over on Highway 1, which ran through Vandenberg, and were observing green lights over the base. I immediately thought this was a case of play a prank on the new guy, but the new guy stopped smoking and ran in.
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They recognized the dispatcher on the phone as one as they have communicated with in the past, so she was legit. After a brief conversation, they laughed off the incident and politely ended the call. Just then, the flight chief darted out of his office and sped off. I was stranded at the LE desk for a few hours.
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Just before sunrise, he returned, saying he had taken eight sworn statements from security forces members across the base who had all seen a, quote, red cube moving silently overhead. That was the last I heard of the incident until yesterday when I saw a program covering the incident on Vice. Yes, which is true.
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That it was the cube event. There is a cube event. Is there multiple cube events? Yes. Okay, and cube is a new, this is a new shape to me. Cube's been around. There's been cubes. I know. They're just weird. So it's just like a floating square? It's cube. Or is it like this? It's kind of cube. It's got edges. You keep saying cube, but how many sides? It looks like the one that Rob showed me.
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That's not a cube. That looks like a D&D die. Yeah, so that's not a cube. Okay. Okay. So this is a cube. But that also looks like a D&D die. It's because you're seeing it. It's semi-translucent. So as you can see through it, because that's kind of what they're saying, it seems to be sort of like a glass box, a glass cube that has something inside of it. That's mostly what we see.
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We don't know what the hell that shit is. So cubes are, this is old news, kind of. Yes. All right. But this is new news. This next one's new news. All right, all right. That was a kite. That's found to be a balloon, unfortunately. Now, this one, I think that it's also going to bring on some conversation. All right. Because I really think that this is egregious. You all right?
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I'm going to throw up. This week's segment on buffet-related crimes. Oh, please. Reminds me of a crime that I witnessed many years ago. My husband and I were out at our local Chinese buffet enjoying our usual date night dinner after working up a mighty appetite canoeing and swimming all day. I know what that code for is. Yeah, getting canooned. Butt sacks. Yeah. Canooned, canooned, canooned.
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Now you've gone too far. I'm trying to figure out a new one. I know. I applaud you. Gooner or later, cum is gonna get ya. Gooner or later, cum is gonna get ya. I eagerly grabbed my plate, ready to slam my holes all full. That's how it says. Oh, okay. And get into the line, ready to load up on some Americanized Chinese goodness.
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So again, think about your BMI. That's a big thing there. Make sure you're huge. Yes, please. And we want to also, a little other announcement. If you happen to ever hear a pro-Trump commercial on our show, it is some kind of digital artifact. A lot of times they lie, especially people within the Trump administration.
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To my horror, I saw an enormously fat woman in line directly ahead of me, picking out all the remaining beef out of the beef and broccoli. It's rude, but I have to say it's allowed. It is not. I would be upset. Yeah. It is allowed. Especially out of the broccoli. So you mean to tell me this is a dish? By the name of beef and broccoli.
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You don't just get to pick out the meat and leave none for everyone else. Doing that kind of shit in public makes all of us either all of the rest of us fat people look bad. He's correct. Or you lose weight because you're just going to have broccoli. No, but no, it's all covered in the sauce. You're right. Same. Right?
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I went back to my table with my beef and broccoli-less plate and complained bitterly to my husband. Buffet staff did put out a new tray within 10 minutes, of course. Great. But the damage was done. To this day, the beef and broccoli lady is mentioned in our house when discussing shamelessly gluttonous behavior. Yeah, because that is the truth. Don't let people see it. You know, I get it.
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People don't like vegetables. You need to learn to like vegetables. Oh, God. I just got a lecture today. You got to like vegetables. But people don't like vegetables. But you got to mix them in. And you got to at least pretend for other people. Yeah. Pretend for other people. You know what I do think?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It could have been one of those situations where sometimes you're at a Chinese buffet and they will take the food you don't eat and weigh it and charge you. That does happen sometimes. She knew she wasn't going to eat the broccoli and she didn't want to get charged. Well, she should just do something that has no broccoli in it whatsoever. Well, then you need to put out a beef-only dish.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Where's the Mongolian beef? I don't think that was there. There's a beef and broccoli dish. You can just eat some of the broccolis. That's what I think you need to do. She can eat some of the broccoli, but I'm saying I understand where she's coming from. I think this might actually cause some debates. I had stories, LPOTL at gmail.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They do feel like there are people that will say that it's a buffet, you're allowed to pick elements. Yeah. But part of me thinks that... I hate pea shoots. Well, just the concept of you. If there was a chicken and there were pea shoots in there, I would work around the pea shoots, especially if I was able to do it. I'm just locked in by a sense of a supreme food-based embarrassment.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like the idea of choosing the ends of the meat that are left would make me, I know that I'm disappointing someone. Yeah. And because I know. But you also are a line cutter. I'm not a line cutter. Yeah, you admitted it.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I was absolved by people saying that, no, it's true. On a second swipe through, you can go to the food that you want. Yeah. You were absolved by a bunch of other rude gooners. No. No good guys. Good people. Yeah, people who also cut the line. Places to go. Things to do. People to see. Things to make. Nah, man. Love to make. You're in a buffet. You shouldn't be in a rush if you're in a buffet.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, sometimes you have to be because business calls. It is a quick way to get food. It is. Well, just know there's some rules. People say don't double dip. Be respectful with your turn in line. Give the other diner space. Sure. But still, I'm just looking for a break in the... Don't eat in the line. Don't tell me what to do. These rules are wrong.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
This is Google AI. I don't want to listen to Google AI. No. No, you can eat in the line. What? Yeah. No, you can't. Absolutely. That is fucking unsanitary. You really think you can't eat in the buffet line? Well, I have trauma because when I was a child, I got caught eating mushrooms at the Ponderosa right out of the, not mushrooms, marshmallows, right out of the dip.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it was right by the soft serve, and I was just eating the marshmallows, and then I went back to my table. That's terrible. And the guy who the manager came over and he's like, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid of you all have to leave because this child was eating the marshmallows. And then I was like six. What the fuck?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
My father was happy, though, because he got a free meal for all of us. You know, I did not know what I stumbled upon. So do not eat, especially the Ponderosa. I do feel like, yes, I see why you're upset. And why you are upset. Why this story really does ring true for you. Oh my God, the crime wave has a midnight buffet every night. Dude, I'm going to be the fucking king of crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They lie, especially evangelical right people, about what the frame of the ad is. They then sell it on a big group, however they do it, to these digital companies. And then they just put it in without our permission because under no circumstances, Under no uncertain terms, President Trump can absolutely go fuck himself. Go fuck, go eat shit, go suck shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Live every day. There better be some goddamn shrimp on that buffet. You live every day, this Thursday, this Friday, waiting for those tickets to come out for this cruise. And then you are going to love the fact that you have purchased not even two, I'm saying one ticket to the crywaveatsea.com slash laugh this Friday. And then you are going to laugh all night.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Your entire cruise when you're out there because we are going to fucking cause some fucking mayhem on this cruise. But we can only do it if you're there. And I mean this. We don't get more money if we sell more tickets. We're literally on a, there's not even, I mean it. We are literally just doing, I need you to come.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I just remember the little old lady by the dumpster. That's a man, but played by a lady. Oh, okay. But it's labeled as a man. The character is a man, but it's played by the lady that plays the nun. Oh, so I'm kind of right. You are. Yeah, but that's pretty good. 20 year memory. It's pretty good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
There are going to be some normies there who are going to be very upset about what they're seeing us say. It's going to be wonderful. And you're going to love that. And that's why all I'm saying is that, like, so we're not even pushing tickets because we make more money to sell the fucking tickets. We're literally pushing the tickets because I want you there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I want you to see what in the living hell this is going to be. Sinisterhood is also doing it. So that's going to be cool. They're there, and I'm certain they'll be doing a lot of stuff. So we can bring your white wine. You can't bring the white wine. You have to buy what's on the boat. Yeah, and then you bring it to the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Some of these ladies are going to be some intense ladies. We're bringing our wives for protection. I was actually thinking about bringing extra security. You know who I want as the crew from fucking... What's his name? I'm from... Gaddafi. Oh, Gaddafi? His security didn't do a great job, I must say. When he got killed by anal knifing? Yeah, he wasn't a good boss. That's the problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I'm a great boss. Go to pgi.com slash last podcast and watch me be a great boss on Side Stories. Kane Pixels. Yeah, Kane Pixels is already there. Our interview with that child went great. Yeah, he is so much smarter than all of us. God, he's very intelligent. It was intimidating in a weird way. And talking with him, I felt like I wanted to ask advice of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
In my mind, I'm like, I got to give this kid advice. Then I'm like, what are you talking about? He's fucking directing a movie. He knows everything. He knows everything. He's very, very smart. Go check that out and go to our, on our socials at LP on the left. You can go take it out on a tech doc.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Go help China leg up over on tick tock and go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV to watch our Twitch streams and then go to our YouTube channel where we currently have, honestly, I think our greatest triumph and good putt. Yeah, oh, it was a great episode. I love our episode of the New Year's Eve resolution checkup. Yeah, bad cop, fat cop. Yep, it was really fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And also, tomorrow on Thursday, February 6th, is the Hoopa Goo Goo Game. We're coming back. HGX2, Natalie's going to be on the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We've got Frank Castillo and Mike Lawrence judging. That's going to be so much fun. It's going to be a really great one. And then make sure you check us out on the road. We got February 22nd in Dallas, March 14th in Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium. And then side stories, just Henry and I is going to be in Huntsville on March 16th. We got April 18th, Detroit, May 3rd, Toronto, June 28th, Atlanta.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But that's the last we're going to talk about it because I'm not going to let us become Jimmy Kimmel. We do not want to talk about this motherfucker. We're just forced to talk about it because he keeps invading your beautiful ear holes. We're just letting you know we're working on it. And that man, I can't wait to see his grave. Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The 29th is already sold out for side stories at Dad's Garage. Yep. But we are ready to go. These shows are going to be fucking great. I can't wait. And then we're going to announce some more Florida dates coming up for Side Stories. And I'm doing a full solo stand-up tour, which I'll be announcing next week in Florida in March and in May. So get ready for that if you live in Florida.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's going to be a lot of fun. I love you guys. Yeah, fuckers. Hell yeah. Hail Satan. You know what? Hail Satan again. Thank you. Yeah. And down with the gooners. Hey, man. I say up with the gooners. And why don't you go ahead and come, guys? Yeah, just come, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Here's your permission to come. Just give it a shot once. See how it goes. Just once we can get them. Then we can kind of get their brains back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get rid of one. Because I think you're backed up with all that extra semen. It's making you make some bad decisions. We're supposed to come, guys. You want to get it out of your prostate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You want to be cumming at least 20 times a month for the sake of fucking lowering your prostate. Literally just to lower your state, your possibility of getting prostate cancer. Yeah. So it's fucking goon it for your health. Don't goon it for your health.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The mayonnaise burgers are going to take him down at some point. Very, very soon. And we have another update. Yes, obviously, which I should have pressed you more on last time. What happened? Is that I did know this, but I didn't want to ruin this for you. What? Dogs will eat you when you die. Not all of them. Some do. It has happened. Yes. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But for the most part, cats eat more than dogs eat more. So here we go. This comes from a vet clinic. When you work in an established general practice in an older upper class community, you get to know a lot of the regulars, especially the elderly. They usually have a lot of time on their hands. Their pets are usually seniors, too, and they are their lifeline to the outside world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I don't know what that's like. Yeah. They also like to get small dogs and spoil them so their health problems are abundant. What? We had these three clients that were a pair of sisters in their 80s and one of their daughters in her 60s. Funniest old ladies with the most stereotypical little dogs. Mini poodles. Crusty eyes, awful teeth, and all.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
One day I answered the phone and it's the daughter of one of the older two. Her aunt had been found dead in her apartment the day before and she wanted to schedule an appointment to bring her poodles in for a checkup with the veterinarian ASAP. Her aunt had been deceased for a couple of days at least before someone had checked on her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And in the time, the dogs, each no more than four kilograms, had eaten most of her face, especially her lips and nose, the tips of her ears. Luckily, the dogs, they were happy, healthy, and never had any health issues stemming from their little snack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
The niece, new owner of the dogs, was distraught, and I felt terrible for her, but I will never get the image of those three little dogs cuddling with her while licking her face in the waiting room. Yeah, I would say, you know, that's fine. You know, some poodles, they'll eat you a little bit. You know, and they didn't go hard on her. Not nipple.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
A little lip, some earlobes. It's not what we're really talking about. That's not bad. No, no. No, no, no. I think that's okay. That's fine. All I know is Tootsie has seen a lot of death. Oh, yes. And she hasn't eaten anybody. Well, see, Tootsie's one of those dogs I can imagine, you know, like... She's a picky eater. But after World War II in Russia, they had these massive food shortages.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
It's also I just forget because also forgot that it has like he had published the nine things to remember while watching Mulholland Drive to kind of pull it apart a little bit better. And it's great. I forgot like, oh, the movie actually makes a lot more sense than people say. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. I'm sure I won't have any idea what's going on. You will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And she was there. Yes. Yes. And I think that Tootsie would have done very well in the cannibal runs of post-World War II Russia, where the people were forced to eat the sickest child of the neighborhood and eat all the dogs and eat all the cats. I could see Tootsie there being on the right side, quote-unquote, of history, being like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah. She could do that. She knows how to survive. Yes. I know that at least one dog, a couple dogs have eaten their owners after they died. I'm just saying as a whole, all cats do it. Most dogs don't. Yes. I'm sticking to my guns on this. Sure. You're allowed. You're allowed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
But I also want to bring something up to you that I brought up to you when I was venting to you about our veterinary experience because we also just went to the vet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And I thought it was really funny. So our little dog, Wendy, right, she's got her fucking little mohawk. Yeah. Died purple because we're a childless couple with extra money and we don't care, right? And so what we did was that we're sitting there with Wendy and this lady, the most typical L.A. woman I've ever seen. How old, if you don't mind me asking? Anywhere from 25 to 60. Oh, okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
That's a big gap. You know that type of L.A. woman?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
She could be any one of those ages and looks great for any one of those decades. An Ellen Barkin type. Yes. Put emphasis on the barking. This bitch was. And so what she did was she asked us, she saw us that we had dyed the hair of Wendy. And she said, oh, oh my God, who did that? And we're like, oh, we have this little, we go to this little spa for the dog.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You know, we take her as a groomer or whatever. That's nice. Yes. And she was like, I was wondering if they do a procedure. So my dog's face is getting so gray. Uh-huh. Can we just dye her face like black so that she can look young again? And we're just sitting there looking at this woman. And my first thing is so like... This is your vet? This is my vet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
No, this is the... And the vet's... This is in the lobby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
If it was your vet, that would be... But then she looked at me. And so my problem is, and I don't want to joke, I was like, well... The thing is, it's that, yeah, honestly, with her, we were trying to get her face re-dyed because, obviously, she's so old. I don't know what to do with her. And we've been trying to figure out. What I asked our groomers if we could get her some filler. Yeah.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Up in here, we get some filler. This woman did not react to me. Did not react. Like, almost seemed curious. Yeah. And then we just moved on. Natalie, you want to go? We go in the vet. We go inside of the vet. Imagine a dog with big, beautiful lips. That's all I thought about. I thought it was fun. I go into the vet. We're talking about all this stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
She's like, is there anything else you want to do for Wendy? I make the same joke. I go in there and I say to the vet, yes, I know it's funny. She didn't laugh, but I'm sitting here. So I say to the vet, she was sitting there in a moment of silence and I was like, Let me tell you, do you have a do you recommend anybody that does like local that does dog filler?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Because obviously, Wendy is just not super hot anymore. And so but the vet did not react. Right. And she said. Yeah, I guess you got one, too. My husband's a comedian as well. And Natalie was like, yeah, yeah, he is a comedian. And I'm sitting here. I am one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I promise you, especially once the movies come out. Then you're like, those are movies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Did you start telling her your credits? No. Did you tell her about the SNL thing? I stayed in silence because I have class. I stayed in silence.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Do you know how I was shamed at a high level? Do you know? But no, no. Yeah, that's a little, that's just, you know, what you get to, that's what you can get to experience if you go to a vet in Los Angeles. Well, you know, one thing that I've learned and the reason why I asked you about your vet's age is I'm very ageist when it comes to vets. You've talked about this. I don't want no young vet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You're like, oh, and I know what that is. Lost Highway made almost no sense. Lost Highway makes far less sense than Mulholland Drive. Yeah. But I think that. There's a sliver of sense. I viewed Lost Highway as his most pop savvy film because his soundtrack got so big. Well, that was a huge soundtrack. It was a huge soundtrack where Mulholland Drive is his best movie.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I know. I like a young, I like 50 and over. That's what I said. For vets, 50 and over. Otherwise, they ain't seen the shit. They don't know what's going on. But sometimes they're just like, kill it. That's what the young ones have always telling me to kill it.
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Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And the old ones are like, see what he's got. Well, Tootsie's almost can fucking buy alcohol. I'm talking about Rambo. Bunch of kids were like, kill him. He's dead. Who? These guys at the emergency vet a year ago. Well, again, they just don't want to deal with it. Exactly. And then the old timers are like, ah, see what happens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They don't want their daughters. to show up and so kill it. That's what I'm saying. Old vets, good. Young vets, work on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We're going to get so many emails. We have so many.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Show up to work. I'm pro young, able veterinarians. We need them. I'm pro if you want to actually show up to work and do your goddamn job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They're like, oh, I got a family. My kid's got a game. I got stuff to get to. No, you work till 8. Let's get to some news. Okay. Because I already feel it. I already feel the waves. I want the hate. I know. I know. It's called engagement.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
was so lucky to stumble upon this story. We've had many people send this story in as well, but I will say this is one of the toughest to decipher stories. Okay. I've had to pull apart in a minute and it doesn't largely make sense, but we are at the very beginning of this. And the only reason why I even wanted to kind of broach it with our peoples was because it's interesting. It's unique.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
We haven't seen something like this yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
for sure. And it's in our wheelhouse, and I just want to track this story for a while and see where it goes. So this is a... It's very confusing, so just try to follow along with me. Alright. This involves... Are you talking to them or me? The humans on the show. I never talk to you. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
So this involves... a cult. Now, they call themselves, I guess they've known themselves, they kind of claim themselves as a group called the Zizians. Fuck yeah, man. Which was built upon... Zipped in on some ziz or... There's nothing cool about this. Really. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Like, literally, like, the only thing that is sort of cool about it is the fact it's the first hyper, like, hyper, hyper left wing, it's a, what they call extreme vegan, trans death cult. Really? Do vegans murder? Well, these guys believe in extreme veganism. They also believe in a system of thought that is so fucking stupid and academic that all it does is confuse people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
And it's why people have a hard time with left-wing ideology in the first place. Okay. It's a bunch of word salad that never mind when a cult leader gets involved with it, it makes it even deeper word salad and convinces a bunch of vulnerable people in the most vulnerable place possible, especially in mid-transition.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
okay which is so good and then blue velvet's wonderful but it's the most understandable movie i feel like a blue velvet yes except for the straight story but it's not for me that's fine a lot of people i do i'm glad to see how many things he can straight story is a children's movie right he made a pg movie for disney that was extremely straightforward that was very well lit and acted it's just painfully boring oh i can't wait
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
High five to each of you. Love, Julie. So we're going to still... They're going to keep posting Norbert. Yeah, that's what they're saying. I'm going to follow. You unfollowed? Yeah. I'm following. You know, there's nothing better. Norbert is dead. I know, but there's more. If you wanted to pretend. There's more content coming. If they wanted to pretend. They're not pretending. They said he's dead.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It's one or the other. You don't think they should post anymore? No, this is a macabre exhibition.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You think there should be no more photos of David Lynch? Should we just take all of his work and throw it in the trash because he's dead? David Lynch, was it famous for being cute? Yeah, I mean, he was pretty cute. But David Lynch, was it? Look at this. No one did this for David Lynch. No one wrote, oh, here's the David Lynch flower pen. I think there is. I bet there is a David Lynch flower pen.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
David Lynch knee-high socks. I don't see those.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I will tell you the truth, though, Eddie, is that due to some of their budget cuts, they already got fucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Of course they exist. It's just different when I view it. Oh, the 2025 calendar sold out. Sold out really quick. Wow. You remember when August Ames, the porn star, committed suicide? Yes. I kind of feel the same way, where I just still just... But Norbert didn't commit suicide. No, but it's like it. In a way, he gave up. He gave up on us. He didn't give up.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
All he had to do was not die. That's all he had to do. Jimmy Carter waited around for a long fucking time. I think you have an unrealistic view on how long dogs will live. I'm grieving, and my grief will appear as it will. If you want to be a fan of dogs, no, they're going to die. I know. Oh, I know. All right, I just don't want to think about it until the last possible minute.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Or are you going to get new dogs? Opposite. You're going to get bigger dogs. New dog that day. Oh, that day. That day. The first visit to the vet to meet the executioner, and the second visit is going to the pound. So it's one in and out. That's what I'm doing. No emotional. I need the emotional snapback. Yeah. Okay? I will not grieve properly. I refuse to, and I don't want to. I find it weird.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
All right, so August Ames, when she committed suicide. Now, when everyone's in a blue moon, my penis has an inkling. To see her and remember her. Do you still watch? Of course. But then right afterwards, you start thinking about her family. Well, it's just the saddest thing in the world. And then you are just jerking off to a dead woman. Yeah.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And you know, obviously in porn, most of the time I consider most of these ladies are probably dead by the time I'm seeing it. You know, most of the time they've got this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But we love you, but we do like you. If you want to come, just message us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I'm saying the old ones. She was sad. I'm saying the ones from my generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They're like professional wrestlers. Yes, it's a hard life. What about Anna Nicole Smith? Are you done with her? Well, she just kind of makes me sad. But she's a star. I don't do it all the time, Eddie. Every once in a blue moon, you'll just see a snippet. You'll just see a thing that reminds you of that. Two big melons. I think it's amazing that you get nostalgic while you jerk off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
No, it's before. While I'm jerking off, I am a fucking serial killer. No emotion is in there. In the two minutes, 40 seconds it takes me to come while I'm jerking off, I am incorruptible. I don't exist. There is no me. I am something else. I am a third thing. A devil. And an angel. Cannot be reasoned with. Immediately afterwards, it's like, aww. Well, it's always 17 for the calendar.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But we don't like you. Hey, perfect. Honestly, that was great, Eddie. We do need to plug more up top.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The problem is that you just see her smiling. Maybe she has some particulate matter on her face, and then you think like, oh, now she's fucking dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because I was going to say Norbert's probably a guy. Yeah, I don't ever jerk off to him. Yeah. Take all his names off the thing. Take it off. I can't look at her. I can't look at her. I'm getting sad. Just looking at her, I'm getting sad. You shouldn't be learning their names. You got to. Of course you do. I like their work. I like their art. I like their work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, yeah, sometimes, but every once in a while, if I'm alone... You know, if I could be in a hotel room, you know, whatever. You've all heard it. You've all fucking heard this before from countless comedians. So let's talk about some news, some real news. Shout out to the very alive Norbert Barker. I know, but it's a larger dog, so we got less time with it. So get your time with it now.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He's very cute. All right. So if you want to be with him now, do it now. And he likes that old lady, and that old lady likes him. Yes. Good. Good. But I'm a following. I'm done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
All right, so are we going to talk about any actual news today? Yes, we have to. Okay. There's still plenty of show. Yeah, and there's not much news. No, no, no, no, no, no. We are still, we're going to be suffering a little bit from a political vacuum for a little bit. Can you believe that Norbert's dead? Unbelievable. I'll talk about it more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We were supposed to do, we did a guest spot on a big podcast yesterday where we had a bunch of content we were supposed to talk about. And all I wanted to talk about was Norbert. The guy wanted nothing. Yeah. Had nothing to do with him. All we really wanted to talk about was Paul Prudhomme. Yeah. Oh, yes. And Norbert. I love Paul Prudhomme.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I met him before he died, and I still jerk off to his image as much as possible. As you should. He deserves it. His spice combinations cannot be beat. We'll save it for our nutmeg-based show later this week. Thank you, Eddie. You're right, because we do have a lot of nutmeg information to go through that we will be covering this week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
First, I want to cover, you know, United States of America ain't the only ones that are pretty far ahead along in the game of domestic terrorism. Okay. These Canadians, you're figuring it out, but just like they do. Like, you know, I'm not one of these people. We don't want, I don't want you, Canada. You know what I mean? We want you to stay over there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because they don't sit there and they don't listen. But Ed, guess what? They're going to ask anyway. Yes. I know, and that's okay. And I want them to. I want them to know. Come see us live. It's a lot of fun. The show's better than ever. Please do. Come see us live. But before that, you're listening to Side Stories. And I am Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I want you over there just because you deserve your own country. You don't need to be here. You should get rid of that queen, as far as I'm concerned. They have a queen? Well, they got, I mean, king. They have to go pay attention to King Charles. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for the next 15 minutes that he's still alive, they have to pay attention to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
So, but guys, we don't... His tongue's sticking out of his mouth. Oh, yeah. Hold my head while I sign these papers. They have now, they're going to do King Charles knee-high socks. Oh. And King Charles doggy biscuits. But now Canada, they're catching up to us, but only in the most Canadian way, which is it's not quite violent enough, guys. You're going to have to ship up or ship out.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This was the police. They've cleared the W.R. Bennett Bridge. They reopened it to traffic after the Royal Mounted Police News. They saw a suspected vehicle, an ice cream truck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Was parked blocking the entire bridge. Now, they first didn't know what happened. They didn't know what it was. It was blocking a bunch of traffic. But then a Facebook post came out with the Canadian patriot, Roy Winner. Okay. Who posted explaining there were explosives inside that ice cream truck. And you're only safe if you stay 50 feet back. Because I control it from far away.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because now they are looking at it. This all came out over the weekend. So it was sitting there. They first closed the bridge at 345 a.m. because it happened in the middle of the night. So that's another one he really was trying to avoid violence. Nothing happened yet. The guy that was, I do think it's funny, the head investigator for this, the name of, his name is Gerbel. Inspector Chris Gerbel.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Which is the first, I didn't know they allowed that name. Of the Germany Goebbels? I guess so. Well, he's the Canadian Goebbels. Oh, okay. So they were like, oh, well, you know, you better think about maybe the fact that fascism is going to save all of us, you know. It's Canadian gerbils. And so they went and they figured it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But the message is really wanted to come into because they, so again, it's Canada. So this is in the town of Kelowna. Kelowna. Okay. Which I believe is in, I forget which one of these fucking places. Kelowna. It's in British Columbia. So this guy, Roy Winter, they have been trying to obviously hide his truths from us.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because they're really afraid that his manifesto will radicalize people. Very similar to Luigi Mangione's. Did you read his manifesto? Of course I did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Manifestos are one of my favorite things. You know, that's what you can replace Norbert with. Oh, my manifestos. Yeah, yeah. And then I can write mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finally. Finally. All right. So Roy Winter, I will be live streaming this action to bring public attention to a necessary evil. When you see this email, this action has commenced.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
If for some reason this doesn't make the news, you might want to question why. And it's because the RCMP are going to try to bury everything and all the evidence to go along with it while protecting the Hells Angels, Kelowna Cabs, and willing participants from public attention. Whether you believe it or not, this story is 100% truthful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Thank you, seriously. Fervent enthusiasm is the style option of that sales pitch, and I'm proud of that. I'm proud of our energy. I'll take it down a notch now. No, you did a good job. Henry, I'm so sad. No, I can't have this. This is worse. I'd rather the rage. My pillow is soaked with tears. I'm going to beat you until you're happy again. Oh, please beat me. I know, now you're coming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Just so everyone is fully aware of the fact that the Attorney General of Canada, Arif Farhani's office has had a complete copy of all the evidence delivered by Canada Post to 284 Wellington Street on January 17, 2025, 10.57 a.m.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
First, I would not apologize to everyone who suffers because of my actions here today, but you can ultimately thank the RCMP, the Hells Angels, Kelowna Cabs, and willing participants for putting me in this predicament. The William R. Bennett Bridge is closed in both directions until this matter is resolved and my life restored with restitution.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I am accusing the RCMP, especially Sergeant Bryce Peterson, the Hills Angels, Kelowna Cabs, and willing participants for conspiracy, collaboration, corruption, crookedness, while intentionally causing me irreversible financial harm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
What's going on? Are they back officially? Remember in Australia they talked about the bikies? The bikies. They definitely got a bikie problem there. They have a biker problem. And Canada does still have a Hells Angels problem.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But he has now a bunch of rules of what people are allowed to do around him. He said the emergency vehicles are allowed to pass him. As long as they got their sirens on. And he says, choice A. You got two choices. Choice A. You'll see that my vehicle has got 60 pounds of highly volatile material that requires nothing more than a stupid human to make a simple mistake and regret their decision.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Choice A is that today a safe distance from my vehicle is approximately 50 feet. Choice B is that I will introduce you to God at the same time I introduce myself. So he's just sitting in an ice cream truck on a bridge saying that he's going to blow it all up. And then they are letting traffic resume. It's very Canadian.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They won't even dare to shoot me. They won't even try to arrest me. And so he's really angry. Would you drive past it? Yeah, sure. I'd give him a honk. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, he could just let it off at any moment. I want a chocolate double scoop. Why wouldn't they just, and they won't kill him because they don't want the bridge to blow up? That's Canada.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And so they went, they're very, very cautious in Canada. And I think largely they didn't believe him because they didn't know what was going on. Because they found out that the, matter of fact, they safely went through the entire truck. Basically, the manifesto, long and short, this is much longer than I even want it to be, that they gave him tickets he didn't like. Yeah.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And then he went to fight him. With the Hells Angels? Yep. And won in court. And then, so he won. Very similar to our Killdozer. Battle winners. He also was apparently involved in some kind of assault with what he said was a Hells Angel. And he was trying to save the town from this Hells Angel. And that the police protected the Hells Angel.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Oh, so he just attacked some guy because he was wearing a biker's cut. He doesn't like motorcycles. Yeah. I think they scare him. I think it's because ice cream trucks are really slow. The ice cream trucks and motorcycles are enemies. I would say that they are definitely enemies. So they went and they got him. The explosive unit, they arrived. They're stationed on the bridge.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Now you're just going to start coming. But first of all, that's one rollback. Second rollback, we want to say thank you to the nice emails I received from Lindsay Shookus. Hey! Our old friend! Our good buddy! Saturday Night Live addiction. Obviously, she said that it was edited around her. She's a lovely lady. Some of you made your feelings known about her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This was back in the day. Um, and, uh, the active commissioner, they said they went through the, yes, the risk assessment of the vehicle's contents was finally found coupled with the man's comments over both the phone and online resulted in both the Southeast district's emergency response team and the RCMP explosive disposal being deployed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And, uh, they said they did not elaborate on the contents of the van, but said they pose a significant risk to public safety. So what that means is that there was nothing in there, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was nothing in that van. And he lied. And they didn't want to admit that. No. Because they definitely would have said it was a bomb. Yeah. They absolutely would have said it was a bomb.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah. No, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he started a fire in the van. He was parking it across the bridge. That's got to be hard. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what nobody tells you. He said, all the ice cream melts in milk. You know what melts in ice cream? He's like, no one says. It's like water. It's not like diesel fuel, which can put out flames. That's the thing.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I'm Mr. Softy! You're not Mr. Softy. If you think you're the ice cream man, then this conversation has to end. Mr. Softy's a brand. And you work for Mr. Softy. He has ice cream for a head. It's not you. But yeah, when you live on an ice cream truck, I mean, life is crazy. I know, I do agree. It's also, I mean, an ice cream truck in Canada in the middle of winter... I mean, this guy's got problems.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Useless. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, he just needs something to do. Strike trying to sell ketchup to a lady with white gloves. That's right, man. That's right. Why are you doing that? I don't know. I don't know why they even say that. Because you're Brian Dennehy. Yep. That's right. Oh, yeah. Tommy boy. So that's that story. That's really all we got.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Canada's not releasing a heck of a lot about this because of the fact that there was probably no bomb in there. He caused a public nuisance and was then arrested. And the perfect Canadian domestic terrorist vent because nothing happened. That's what they're really good at. Canada has a thing that I find interesting. There were no animals involved, which is un-Canadian. Very un-Canadian.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I have found that Canada has distinctly very intense laws about planning crimes versus doing them. Like, there is a big story that they... I forget the hell her name is. There was a shooter... That they got them, they gave them life sentences on just planning the shooting. Oh, really? Without doing the shooting, which is fascinating in and of itself because technically it's hard because it's...
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
What is planning crimes? The Valentine's Day shooting planning. Lindsay Sivanaranth, this lady, was a U.S. woman sentenced to life for, but it was just to plot the shooting. And what they say is that if you put up a bunch of, like, she came into Canada from America. They said that once she crossed the border, then it shows the intent. And then they went, and I believe that they had a gun.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But the thing is, then when you listen to, which is a last podcast on the left thing, though, which a lot of people don't say, that's what it says here. Rosinski, according to the police, Justice Peter Rosinski, they said if the plan to kill unsuspecting shoppers had not been interrupted by an anonymous tip and the quick actions of local police, it would have been carried out. But it was still...
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I'm going to say that it was still pretty far from when it was carried out. And if you were to kind of see their correspondence now, like, yes, obviously they take these mass shootings extremely seriously, as we all do, but there's a little bit of... This could just be two morons talking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The impression she gave on the Saturday Night Live documentary, on her personal social media accounts. She says, thank you. Please leave me alone. The notes were received. Yes, she says, thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
A crime. Well, it's also in Canada. They say that idea of the threatening. Yeah. The sentence was partly shaped, according to Rosinski again, by the principles that apply to terrorism. While he told the court the motivations and intentions in the case are not precisely the same as those related to terrorism activities.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He said the crime requires the court to send a clear message to those conspiring to kill multiple people that they will pay a heavy price. Now, that's interesting because they do the exact opposite of what we do in our country. We don't like labeling things as terrorism. Unless, of course, they're Luigi Manzioni and they actually inspire a bunch of people. Then that's very quickly terrorism. Yeah.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
So that they can, even though they don't understand, it's kind of the opposite. It wasn't quickly terrorism. It was like a week. They debated whether it was terrorism or not. No, but it was a real quick debate. Yeah, it was a real quick debate.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
a creative thing that you want to do, dude, put it in a screenplay and then it's legal. There's literally no, I feel like it's just one of those. There's, there is no right and wrong. I guess the moment you buy a gun, that's what they're saying. Yeah. The moment you buy a gun, it changes, but still, and I'm in an American justice.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And for, I would consider if we, if, when we have those things, it does make sense to me that you can still make the decision to not pull that trigger up until the moment. You pull that trigger. Like, to me, it comes into once you get into it tempted, then you have a disaster on your hands. But you'd be surprised. I actually just watched another.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But she is, honestly, she sent a lovely email, and she specifically said one of the nicest things I have heard, which she says, Lauren told this to everybody and drilled it into our heads all these years. Anybody that stepped foot on 8-H for that audition is funny. And that's like, it doesn't really matter. Like, nothing. That is... They never asked me. No. And it shows.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It was an interrogation series of these two teen mass shooters that one of them, obviously, the one said they were the aggressor. Right. One said that they were aggressor. And the others said that they were not the aggressor, but when they went deeper into it, they could see that it was kind of the opposite. And it was like, that one was like, the kids, though.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
were really hesitant into the very, very, very last minute. Yeah. And then the first killing happened, they pulled out a gun, the other kids immediately wrestled the gun away, tried to wrestle the gun away from him, and he shot the first person, but he didn't shoot anybody else. Okay. But, There's something. To me, that's where the line is. Yeah. They brought the school. But it's hard.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Of course. Well, then I think about, well, you know, we suffered. I've suffered, unfortunately, two very dangerous stalkers. And part of that issue with stalkers is the same thing. You really can't do anything about it until they fucking kill you and your family. Because they're just saying, like, it's a free world and they can technically harass you.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
As much as they want, especially if you're a public figure in that way. So it's one of those where it's kind of all over the place. I have no fucking idea. I don't know. I feel that this is because in America, we also a lot of times we do the not entrapment, but we help radicalized people. Yes. We do that in order to stop. Yes. To stop them.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We show up and give them all the gear and say, hey, meet us here. And then we arrest them. Yeah. So I don't know. I have no idea what the right answer is. And that's working for us because nothing bad happens. That's the thing, Eddie. Because the best part about it, and then what they do, it's like they set up a terrorist event that they then stop. And then they go, see? Yeah. See what we did?
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They do catch some people. Of course they do. The NYPD talks about... I remember I was talking to somebody about the idea that if you knew how much shit floats through the NYPD halls in terms of information and what happens there, they're like, you'd never sleep ever again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Like, yeah, thank you. And then think about how many times we carried props. On the subway that looked just like that. Taped up fake guns and shit.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Just like how many problems we cause just being artists. Well, this next story that I want to talk about is actually related to the subject we're talking about, which this happened in Texas.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And really, really fucking shows. So I want to say thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It's obviously the Bible verse, Revelations. Oh, yeah, I got it. Yeah, it's awesome. It's fucking metal. It is metal. I will say that. And I saw the angel coming down out of heaven, having the keys to the abyss and holding in his hand a great chain. He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He threw him into the abyss and locked and sealed it over him to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were ended. After that, he must be set free for a short time. Yes.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Never let them forget, friend. Always scare them, sir. Yes, see, they all right. The devil is coming, and he is your neighbor, and he is going to tell the HOA that your lawn is too big. Yes. He's coming for you. And so she called the cops, filled out a police report, but no crime was actually committed. There is no crime. It's not even really a threat. It's art in a weird way.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And Eddie, you did a very good job. Thank you for supporting me last week. I love you. You're a good friend, and I love you as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Technically, that's what everybody likes in this country. That's evangelicalism. That's literally spreading the word of Christ. Yeah. So the cops are like, we wrote it down, but... There's nothing we can do. And she's like, I hope that they catch the guy. Why? But there's nothing to catch. What if there's nothing to catch? Yeah. It's a fun guy having a fun time.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I bet you that guy's not even Christian. And she said that. I bet you that guy's just high as balls. Oh, yeah. Having a great night. And guess what this guy just fucking gave me? Henry Zebrowski. What? idea? Yeah, of what to do on the weekend. Oh, yeah. This is exactly what I want to do. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Am I bothering you? Am I scaring you? Side stories at LPOTL at gmail.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Please email in. Yeah, well, she posted about it on social media, and it got a lot of traction, a lot of attention.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It's awesome. But a lot of people said that they would shoot the person. That they would just kill them, which if you do this, you'll spend the rest of your life in prison. If you shoot somebody over something fake like this. You're very fucking stupid. And you deserve whatever happens to you. Do you look at this as a threat? I mean, in a way it's a threat, but not really.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Do you want to know my actual theory on this one? If this happened to you, what would you do? It'd be awesome. Just like, do you want to come in and have tea? Yeah, but hey, how you doing, buddy? You know what my actual theory is? What? She did this. Whoa. She made this all up. Oh, wow. And all of these entire things are ruse. Well, there's obviously a man in the hoodie.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
So she can't possibly have ever met a man that would do this for her? Well, she was with her husband at the... So a man and a wife have never met another man to share their wife with? Well... They've never once had a big old, big old guy come over and rail the living F out of your wife while you're sitting there going, next time fucking Greg will respect me.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Next time when he sees how big a dick my wife can take. Yeah, take it all, Cindy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And once he comes, they're like, you want to do something fun? Let's get some cardboard. You know what would be interesting? Look at the time of the ring video and the time of the purchase of the Powerball ticket. See if they line up. Well, you see, this is what I'm saying.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This is what the cops would need to do. But the cops also don't care because there's no crime. They couldn't possibly give a fucking shit. They don't care about this at all. Because I can guarantee they looked at this and also said, probably, you did this. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Please do not attack people on our behalves. We're doing it ourselves on the show. Unless, of course, they themselves are bad. Yes. Right? Because I feel like that's the thing. Engagement is good. Yeah, engagement is good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
That you did this to have this go viral so that everyone can think that you're being persecuted for whatever your Christian beliefs or whatever is happening when it's actually not. Yeah, I think the goat mask is... It's stupid. It's not a good one. No. It could be a little dumber. No, it's a stupid goat mask. It's not even that evil looking. It's just red. It's sort of like a devil mask.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I'm saying... That this is a homebrewed issue, and this woman is doing this to us. Oh, all right. And that that guy's fake. Okay. That's my fucking call. But it's in Dallas, so we can go check it out when we're in town. Oh, yeah, on February 22nd. We got to get this guy to come to the show. Yeah, yeah. Reveal yourself at our show, please. I would love to have that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Honestly, the real hero here is the goat-faced... Man. The mask maker. If the mask maker could reach out to SideStoriesLPOTL at gmail.com, we would love to talk about the end times. I mean, the mask maker is from China. China. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's different. Yeah, we'll meet the nine-year-old that made that plastic mask.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
There's nothing I would like to hear about the crimes that that nine-year-old has seen working inside of the Halloween mask factories of China.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Um... There is a fun story from my hometown. What did you want to talk about? First, I want to talk about the fact that this egg has arrived again.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
There's another egg. Well, you know, the eggs, the price still hasn't gone down. No. Oh, it's almost like Eddie, I don't know if he even had a plan to bring the prices of groceries down. Eddie, I don't even think that there might even not even been a plan, Eddie.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
No, Eddie. That's funny. That's funny, Eddie. What a funny joke. 4chan leak, Antarctica egg. Oh, it's Antarctica. I don't know why I thought it was in Alaska. So show this video. Now, this comes from our favorite reputable news source, 4chan. There has been another released video. Oh, the post was removed. The other main post from Reddit was removed. Wow. But this one is not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
So as you can see, you remember last week I showed you a video of what looked like an egg on a stick? Yes. This is the same, but it looks far more elaborate. This one is a new one. Same thing. They believe that this was recovered outside of Antarctica, and it was an ancient object.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This is a part of this, whatever this leak series is, where you see what is supposed to be some either, I don't know what they call the dick of a helicopter, whatever. What do they call it that pops out of the bottom? What's the red rocket of a helicopter? The cockter. Something like that, yeah. You got a thing hanging from that and you got the fucking egg hanging from that.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Hey, I got a compliment out of it. Yeah, you did get a compliment out of it. I'll take it. So, thank you guys. Another update. Oh, yeah, we got a big one. Can we play the funeral dirge?
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It looks better than the other one. Am I looking at two things or one thing here? You're looking at two things. You see that thing dangling and swinging? Yes, that's the egg. That is the egg-like UFO. But what is below it? The red rocket of the helicopter. It is never the hanging penis out of the bottom of a helicopter that hangs a piece of rope that is holding whatever that egg is. Hold on.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Am I looking at this from the ground perspective or from the sky perspective? Imagine a helicopter is. Okay, this is a helicopter. It's the camera and the helicopter on the floor. You're doing it this way. All right, I'm a helicopter. You see me how I'm a helicopter?
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You see how my arms are going like the rotors of a helicopter? Yeah, well, they're just going back and forth. Well, this is as far as they can go. You see how they're like a helicopter? Sure. Right?
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
My penis is hanging down, right? In this position, my penis is hanging down. Yeah. That's what we're looking from. Imagine I'm a helicopter and you're a little man hanging out of my belly button looking over my dick and balls to the floor. Like a POV. Yes. But it does look like the sky is behind the egg. That's a mountain range. That's a mountain range. If that is real. But these are trees here.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, that's a mountain range with fucking trees on it, Eddie. This video is garbage. That's what I'm saying. It's worse.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I actually think, I do think that this one is better than the other one. I miss the drones. We all do.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This egg stuff I don't really even understand. It's just all over my UFO stuff. This egg stuff is new. Ross Colhart's got another guy, so this is also interesting. A guy that he was talking to, again, is he full of shit? I have no fucking clue. So this big issue, right, with whistleblowers, that Ross Colhart was talking to David Grush, and David Grush kept saying...
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
That he was just talking about things other guys told him they saw. But I thought Grush was reliable. No. Well, his position was reliable. But he said in his quote-unquote honesty, I am describing things other people said they saw. Okay. But Ross Colhart's got a new guy, Jacob Barber. Who has said he has seen these things himself. Okay. He's a new guy. He says he's worked for the past 30 years.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He's worked in both official and unofficial capacities for the U.S. government. He says he wants to tell people what's going on, what he's seen. According to the Russ Colhart, this is brand new. He's an unknown man. He delivered. This is brand new. And he says...
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Last week, I just got to stop talking about these things. Yeah. All right, because... D-I-R-G, the funeral dirge. Because last week, we brought up... Is this a funeral dirge? That's awesome. Yeah. This is a requiem for Katrina? Is that the hurricane? Yeah.
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Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We're in this rare opportunity in human history where it's very clear that we know that there are things flying in the sky that are unexplained and understood. And that there's another one of the things that I'm uniquely providing information on. And he says that he saw the aliens himself. He said it's kind of crazy. This is it. Yeah. This guy was a guy named John Blitch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He said everything changed on September 11th. I left the Air Force. A lot of shit changed. Yeah, thanks for the update. Yeah, buddy. No way. I left the Air Force and was sent out to California at that time to begin establishing my cover bases as an independent contractor so that I could serve. What was coming down the line next for me was the path which led to the UAP subject.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
A lot of the work we did was what I call the range, where the U.S. government and its private partners used to test all kinds of things, weapon systems and resilience to weapon systems of certain craft. And so you see a lot of exciting things, said Barber. But then he started to see strange things. It's always interesting out there, he said. Things come in and out of sight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Things disappear for a moment and reappear. Things seem to move very quickly. Things change color. They change shape. And then we're talking about Oprah Winfrey. Whoa!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And so John Barber, he also said, Jacob Barber also said, he said, we know that they classified craft and we recovered them and we took them back where they go. They went to a place. He said, we picked them up. He said, they recovered things, quote unquote, exotic in nature. And he said, he's got his first glimpse of non-human pretty quickly. He said, I saw an egg. It was a white egg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
There was no engine. There was no thermal signature. I was operating at night when I finally came in to pick it up. So I'm working under night vision goggles at the time, and it was quite clear. I flipped them up, flipped them down, and looked at it a couple of different ways. And it was an egg. Metallica, pearly white.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He said, I can tell you that the reaction by my team, we all knew we were dealing with something strange. They said it was weird. They didn't know what it was. And it had hieroglyphics on its side.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He said, and then he went to go drop off the egg. He said, but there was another object when he dropped off the first egg. A basket. It was a giant bunny. One was the egg. The other was what I called an eight-gon. The eight-gon was essentially a flying disc with what looked like eight delineated sections when looking down.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And I can tell you what it looked like from looking down because that's primarily how I saw it because I'm a helicopter pilot. We did recoveries with the eight-gons. There was more than one that made its way to the ground on this particular operation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And as I started getting closer to the site, he said one of the most profound experiences of his life, last time he picked up an eight gun, he said, I started feeling odd. I started feeling extremely emotional. And the closer I got, the more the emotions started to overwhelm me. I felt this intense hybrid of sadness and happiness and beauty and song.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And it was very disruptive to me because I had a very practical responsibility at the time to operate a helicopter in the mountains at night. And I began wondering, what the hell is wrong with me? I felt something had connected with me. I felt like something had tuned into me and my soul and was providing me some sense of guidance on what to do and how profound what I was doing was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It was so overwhelming that I began to cry. It was very feminine energy. She said the UFOs were talking to him. This guy. But what's wrong? This fucking guy. Yeah, I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
That guy is. You remember they said about the sheer sign of a sociopath is if you see the entire whites above the pupils? Yes. He's one of those guys. No, for sure. Oh, yeah. He definitely looks like an egg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I mean, why is that bad? It's actually, they say this to the day, truly it is... Leave it at home? They shouldn't be emotional. They should not be emotional. They should be, you know that the, one of the, you know the old, like, and we're cruising at 10,000 feet. Like that voice, like that voice was a constant, what was apparently was an impression of Chuck Yeager.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Chuck Yeager was considered to be one of the biggest icons of all pilots. He broke the sound barrier. He did all this shit. But the thing was, unflappable. No emotions. No personality. And that's what they look for in astronauts. That's why a lot of astronauts are test pilots. Yeah. Never interview an astronaut. They are boring. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They don't really got a lot to say except the one guy with the mustache. He just opens different things in space and goes, look how that floats. Yeah. I love that guy. We all love that guy. We all love that guy. But I'm saying that's what space is. Yeah. Like, it's scary. The first... I imagine... It sounds like what's scary.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It's like what they talk about with space is apparently it's just terror mixed with... Unbearable boredom. Have you thought about going? I would never go to space. You're obsessed with space. I will go to space when there is a proper private way to go to space. Really? Oh, they don't want me up there. Lance Bass goes all the time. Yeah, it's because he's one light a ball. So he's fine up there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He doesn't need it. I got two. I got two big ones, right? Lance Bass lost some of his balls, right? I have no idea. Didn't he have testicular cancer? I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Lance Bass has testicular cancer. Tell me. That's my vocal warm-up. Lance Bass had testicular cancer. Last Bats. Oh, he doesn't have cancer. No, no, he's okay. Whatever, dude. What a bitch. He's got diabetes. He's got type 1.5 diabetes? I never even heard of that. It's called the fucking remake. And arthritis. Yeah, dude. All right, so he's cool. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Norbert the tiny dog is dead. Dead! Now, I brought it up last week talking about my issues with social media dogs and their representation in the media. Norbert the little dog, as I said, was one of the only things that held my precious psyche together in some of the hardest moments of my life. So as of Monday of last week, they had posted a little thing. Norbert the dog. Little tiny dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
As long as he's got that betas, I like him. I only like him sick. Well, do I have time for my fat man from home? Oh, you got to. You got to, because the listener letters were not that very good this week. No offense. No, in terms of what we want to talk about, the ones I got... Or I'm going to use for other purposes. Yeah, yeah. They go in other directions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Oh, except the big one that I will say, which is... I'll just throw it out there. There was no such thing as a Roman salute. Yeah, we know that. Yeah, but we did not... But the idea that even the concept of the Roman salute, there was no such thing. No, it was created in movies. But it was first created in paintings. Then... reiterated by pop culture and things featuring Romans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But there are no statues with Roman salutes. None. There's nothing like that. None of the artists from back in the day. It is a wholly Nazi invention. Yes. And they really like it. Yeah. And all the Nazis are very happy about the South Africans Nazi salute. Oh, they love that Elon Musk is a Nazi. They really love it. They really like that. Yeah. It's good for them. It's good for his constituency.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Okay, so let's first break this down. Number one, it was an irate move. You know a man's fat when his face hides his ears. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I have never seen someone's face fat cover that much of their ears. It is weird that... That is a wild face. His cheeks are thicker than his neck and the top of his head. His... And he is a lawyer. His whole goatee area could fit inside of a large woman's pussy. Yes. That's how small it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
When they say that the other slimmer man, like they constantly talk about this. Being like, we could just like, also you could just say two guys. But it's like they obviously wanted to point out how fat the first man was. So they had to just say large man and slimmer man. Yes. I like this story a lot because it happened less than a mile from my high school.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And it concerns a thing to us, which is meat lines at buffets. Buffet crimes. Yes. So, okay. I'm of two minds here, Eddie. I agree with the man, but I feel like you took it too far. I'm in two. Let me, okay. Let me ask. All right, Eddie. Rob, you're a former real fat boy, and you were a fat boy, Eddie. And I feel like we can commiserate on this. Oh, so big. Oh, so big. Oh, bring me my chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Sorry, I'm doing my whale performance. Where's my Oscar? Where's my chicken? Yeah, I love the cock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You're telling me last week of this man's life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It sounded like my lover's farts. I missed that guy. Tell me what happened to Brendan Fraser. So, are there lines in... Okay, let me just put this this way. Are there actual, literal lines to follow in a buffet when a buffet is two-sided? Okay, if a buffet is two-sided, and you can have equal access, is there such a thing and a need for a linear line of... To approach the buffet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Now, when you say it's two-sided, is it two lines that lead to a middle?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Because sometimes it's the same stuff in two lines that meet in the middle and go out. Or, another caveat to this, yes, are lines even necessary? Or two, right? You've already been one round. You've already done the entire thing. Must you wait? online to get to the specific food that you want for doubles. I think if you've already been there, you definitely have to wait in line. Yes. Why though?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You're just getting one specific food. But not everyone has gotten their one specific food so far. So you have to wait till they all get their food and then you can get more food. In outside of the buffet world, in outside of the buffet world, you're right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Little tongue sticking out of its mouth. Beady eyes. Yeah. Can't think. No brain. Right? My favorite kind of dog. Oh, the best. Petrified. Stupid. Cute. how I hope to be when I'm old.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Inside the buffet world, this is an equal opportunity zone. Yeah. You know, like this is a buffet. There's going to be enough for all of us unless they specifically say that there's going to be a limited amount. That I can understand they're being aligned for, but they're going to be hush puppies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They're going to come back with more hush puppies. They're going to come back with more mac and cheese. There must be order. Or it might just be chaos. There must be order. Yeah. I'm not saying you have to wait for everyone to finish, but you need to get back in line. See, this is the heart of this story because it comes down to, is there a bigger crime than cutting the line?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We don't know if he's on seconds, though. We don't know. I imagine because of his violence, it was first. You're talking about Fat Man was on his first. Yes. So you're saying when the father broke into the line, cut in line in front of him with the daughter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You know, in a way, in a way that makes him kind of classy. Because if you're going to be in a Boca buffet and you're going to, at least he could have hit the girls. He could have hit the girls. I'm not saying he should have. I'm saying he could have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And if I was manager of the buffet, I'd have to actually sit and listen to the man and say, well, they did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I mean, first of all, you're just saying, yeah. He is prime rib. Yes, because I know the laws of the jungle. Yeah. Right? Yeah. He eats first. Absolutely. He's got to eat. Yeah, the little girls don't know. No. No, they don't know. They're just having a good time. But can I say that this may be a good opportunity for them to learn? I mean, they did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And so Norbert the dog was listed as safe from coming out of the, he went to the hospital and they said his, all of his signs are looking well and maybe his kidney markers were slightly up, but they said he was doing really well and they posted a bunch of videos of him eating in the hospital and like, oh look, Norbert's back to his old self. 12 hours later, he's dead. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This is a really good learning opportunity for them in this high-stakes buffet scenario because this guy took it to the proper level. Obviously, you might say, yes, he didn't need to physically beat the man, right? No. He didn't have to break plates over his head like he was Bluto from Popeye. He was like, I'm not going to hit these girls. Where is their father at? There was sense here. Maybe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You know what I think is that we don't know that there's old beef. I mean, are you saying? Besides at the fucking buffet. Shots fired, Bocalado Country Club off of Boca Rio Road. Lake Mouth Prime Rib Buffet. Yeah. Well, you know, it's a golf course, you know, and there's a golf course across the street that we used to always break into and throw parties at.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And then the father, to be honest, needs to best the other man in hand-to-hand combat for respect of his daughters. Yeah. So in a way, I feel like even at a wedding, that makes it even more of an essential human fight. He was cut. No one is saying this man was not cut. He's a victim here. A type of victim. A type.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Hey, I think in all of this story, it's like if he hit the daughters, I'd be saying much different stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And this is when Mark walked up to him with a plate and hit the victim in the head with the plate. Never turn your back on a giant hungry bastard. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The witness said, We ain't done here yet. I still see you got my fucking short wrap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He could have been in from out of town. This might not be a Floridian. It could just happen in Florida. Actually, you might be right. Yeah. And that's why I think it's important before your weddings to solve a lot of your, try to squash your stuff. Yeah. Right before you get in there and let it play out. Yeah. Also, Boca Rio Road, you're going to love this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Why this is interesting is because they found the van, but apparently it was a bunch of kids that went missing in the 60s, and then a fisherman found the van. So they were dead in there? They were dead in there for like 40 years. That's awesome! See, there you go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Fucking dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. Those dog hospitals, they're not the best always. Well, the thing about them is... You would like to think a star like Norbert would get proper care. You would, but it seems that they get the same health care as us, whatever you could afford. You got to see his last meal. I am... So angry. As a fan, that's pretty cool. But I now, I need new rules.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
That's awesome! Wow! Yeah! That's like Mike Myers. Was it the one where it's like the maniacs on the bus? Oh, yeah, 10,000 Maniacs? No, it was another movie. It was another movie. It had a bunch of guys, crazy guys on a bus. Oh, I love a bus. They died anyway. Well, we got to wrap this up. We do have to get out of here, unfortunately. We got to wrap up today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You know, live every day knowing that you keep your head in the swivel at a buffet. Move it along, people. Yeah, move it along. Do not cut huge men at buffets. We all love the buffet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Love yourself and love the buffet environment by following the rules, but also move in a timely manner. Because then you can laugh your way back to your seat with your hush puppies, with your finely sliced roast beef, with your mac and cheese. Because what you've done here is followed the rules and created a society. But you also chose your food in a timely manner that moved us all along.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
This isn't fucking a three-star Michelin restaurant, okay? We don't need to peruse all of the stations. You can come back to it. It's a buffet. You're going to want to do this in multiples.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We're going to twitch.tv slash lpotv and go to thelastpodcast.com. Yeah, we're going to talk about the back room, so you can check it out there. Love you guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You're allowed to, but I normally don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Imagine being able to see Dom DeLuise's last meal. That would be incredible. I saw James Gandolfini's last meal, and that will always inspire me. But beloved famous dog Norbert passes away. I do believe it was death by hanging. Yeah. Doing autoerotic asphyxiation, which is super sad that Norbert couldn't find love that he couldn't buy. You know what? I'm going to like the post. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes, please do. But I now have rules. Okay. I have unfollowed the other dogs. Whoa. Yeah. I'm out of the game. Come on, dude. I'm out of the game. What? These dogs don't deserve love? No. Because Norbert's dead? No, because they're temporary. Because Norbert let you down? Yes. Norbert was 15. Norbert was 100 years old in dog years. I want rules in place, okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Us fucking stupid-ass center-left liberals, right? We love regulations, except, of course, when it comes down to air quality, because we're all fucking experts out here. Yeah. But we... So these guys... But I want some regulations on social media pets, and this is it, all right? This is what I want. Number one, you either...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Bring your Catholics. We're going to spank them. And then... I would actually prefer if you left them home. March 14th. Unless they're buying tickets. Ryman Auditorium. Nashville.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
live forever in perpetuity, serving the ghost of that animal as if it is alive. Forever. So that animal... You know, there's like 10 Benjis. Yes. You know? If Norbert the dog is there, I want you to pretend that Norbert the dog is fine. Yeah, that's what they did with Flipper. I don't want the reality. That's not why I'm following Norbert. I'm following Norbert to have my soul uplifted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But, okay, yes, in this cruel, very stark memorial post that they made, the 2009 to 2025 tombstone memorial that they put up. No. What's beautiful about this, Eddie? He's not amongst his friends. He's not on the other side of the rainbow bridge. His friends are these two human hands holding him up. But, dude, that Norbert is in hell right now. Like, that picture. Doll dogs go to heaven, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Not Norbert. Norbert? You think Norbert went to hell? He helped people when they needed him most. He was failed. I look at Norbert and I see the eyes of a thing that has been compromised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And I look at him, and I see this memorial tombstone, 2009 to 2025, underneath him. They didn't even try to zhuzh it up. There's no harps. There's no clouds. There's no angels. There's nothing. What's going on with their stories? There's no Jimmy Carter happily opening his lap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
That's another fan post. Oh, it's a fan post. That's not from the official Instagram. So that's my rule one. My rule one is either. Where's your Norbert post? Mine? Norbert did so much for you. The second Norbert is dead, the second I don't have to give the humans that are making money off of Norbert's soul that money anymore. All right? Unless. You didn't give them any money. I didn't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But my time, which is worth money. And then if you look at this, right, so rule one is either, and so it's one or the other. It is either it lives in perpetuity. We do not address the mortality of the animal. We move forward. You're attracted to tiny, shaking, dying dogs. Yes, and I want them to exist in that way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And then rule two is if not, the day Norbert is dead, there needs and must be the next post. And here's Nippers. Norbert, yeah. But there needs to be brand new dog, new talent on the roster. Just change the name of the account, everything. Done. Or Norbert the dog, RIP, parentheses. Slowly but surely, Nippers is filling a lot of the content out, obviously, because Nippers is the new dog.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You will slowly ingratiate Nippers to the audience. Hopefully, if you've done your research correctly, Nippers is pretty close to the OG one, and then Nippers can go and have its tongue sliding out. Just the fact that it's like, because look at it right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
That happens to a lot of small dogs. It's adorable. Yes, it's extremely adorable. And technically, you could get the same effect by very expertly removing several teeth. Flopping out of your mouth. You just got to get rid of some of these side rail teeth. That's going to be the new Zoomer trend. Yeah, that dumb shit. Yeah, yeah, bleps. Yeah, yeah, kids doing toothless bleps.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It was. And we're turning it back into one. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Nothing would make me, that would be cuter. Certainly better than all the fucking Nazism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Dogs don't pass away. Dogs die. Dogs fucking die. Okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
What? It's better than fucking dying in the end zone being spiked after it fucking made the quarter of the fucking touchdown or whatever. Unbelievable. I unfollowed all the other cute animals, except for Cheddarini. Who's Cheddarini? I'm not even going to bring them up. Super close to death because you like them? I'm not going to bring up Cheddarini. Cheddarini? Yeah, Cheddarini's a good guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He's going to be dead soon. No, he's got at least four years. Also, my sweet, sweet friend that runs... Oh, my, look at this boy. And also, my sweet, sweet friend that runs Puppy Songs. Both of those dogs died, too. The Puppy Songs people died? Yes. Not the people. No, the people live on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes. Just skip ahead a little bit past the drums. Let's get to the horns. The Puppy Songs guys died too. Yes. And I want to say big ups to Mel. I want to say his name was Ding Dong. Mel Ding Dong. Yeah, I remember him. No, it was Mel and Snepet. Snepet Ding Dong. You really inspired many cute songs about the cheese tacks. Oh, the cheese tacks is them? They're dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, you mean the intellectual property rights of the song. Yes. I wonder if they, I mean, they need to really cut that. Now that they've got time, they don't have to watch all these dogs. They can really hit the studio with that cheese tax. I love you guys, and I'm so sorry you lost your dogs. I joke because mine are next. Mine have been next for years, though. Well, that's why you're numb.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, I am numb because I'm just like, Tootsie, she's got the night terrors. She's actively keeping you awake, and they're acting. Effectively dying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She puked four times last night just walking around. Oh, that's why she looks so good. So skinny. She is thin. Yeah, yeah. But no, no. Same. I have two elderly dogs. No, I have one elderly dog and the other one waiting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Jackie asked me on a double date earlier and then I said, can I bring my dogs because I know they're going to die soon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And then, of course, side stories. Huntsville. You know my favorite city. Oh, those Nassau folks. You can't keep me out of Huntsville. Fucking space nerd pieces of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Nothing sets the tone of a double date better. Nothing sets one better than bringing your mid-death 17-year-old dog. Tootsie's fine. Tootsie just looks sort of like she's seeing all the people she's going to see on the other side. She done been seeing them people, man. But I feel the same way with my father.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Same way, where I'm just kind of numb to the fact that we've been kind of saying he's going to be dead for so long that even my father is sitting around going like, wasn't I supposed to be dead? Like, literally, he said that. He's like, I thought I was supposed to be dead already. We're like, no, Dad. No, it doesn't work like that. He's like, eh, well. Tootsie's walking around. She's like, Kathy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Kathy? Where's Kathy? No, no, and you're like, well, that's cute, though. It is cute. That's cute and sad. Every time she starts barking at me, though, I'm like, am I dying? Because, you know, she sees it. Well, yeah, you ever hear those stories about, like, there was one famous story about a cat that would choose people in a nursing home? Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
It would go lay at the feet of the person, and then they'd be like, oh, the cat loves it. Yeah. And then they fucking die. You know what they say about that is if you die in front of your cat and people don't find you, your cat will eat you. But if you die in front of your dog, your dog will not eat you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
No, well, I've heard, you know, that's one of those kind of reddity, we don't know what's real or what's not real. Sometimes they say, too, that a dog will keep the people from getting to the body. Yes, the famous case of the cat named Oscar who worked at a nursing home in Rhode Island. Seemed to have an uncanny ability to predict when residents were about to die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I'm surprised no one tried to kill the cat. I would. Yeah. Oh, no. If that cat showed up at my feet, I'd be like, get the hell out of here, you feline bastard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, again, twist the nipples, slap her face a bunch. That's a big thing. You don't do that a lot. In old time movies, you remember how they used to do that a lot? There was a lot more slapping people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But if I saw it, you know, you just give a fucking couple jabs to the fucking dead body. It's not living. But again, at that point, she's dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Four hours. But don't worry. They said they went on to complete their trip to Venice, Italy. Because they said, you know, they're purple. Yep. They said they're really trying to make the best out of a really hard situation. But you know what? They just moved on. But he said, you know, we're on holiday, so we're just trying to have a good time. And what are you going to do? Go home? Yeah, exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
We're going to Italy. That's what I'm telling my fucking wife. Being like, hey, listen, yeah, we saw a corpse today, but guess where we're going to see another corpse if I have to lose all these thousands of dollars on the fucking trip to Venice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully Qatar Airways. Qatar Airways. Is it Qatar? I don't know. I think it's Qatar. I think it's Qatar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, no. Qatar Airways. Qatar Airways. It goes all over that area of the world. Oh, okay. Because that's probably the flight that they had to connect over to Italy. That's a long flight, Melbourne to Europe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
From the boogie-down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish-Italian java, last podcast on the left, and Springfield Jack coffee are rising from the rubble with a new brew. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Nothing to do with any moth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a Butterfly Dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a Butterfly Dude Roast. This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious, and not just the same beans. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room. Well, we learned nothing, have we? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
And now it's time to have one of our favorite people on the face of the planet join us. Aw, yeah, baby! Very, very excited. We have a guest in studio. His name, Stan Soder.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Ladies and gentlemen, this man, to my right, we just appeared on his podcast. Yes. So, as is the custom of all comedians across all nations, we then invited him to be a part of our podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the incredible New York-based stand-up comedian, Dan Soder.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And one of my favorite one is this. We said, you got to come to Huntsville and you have to eat at Hildegard's. I'm like, oh, what's that? What's Hildegard's? Yeah, it doesn't sound very Alabama-y. No, it doesn't. It sounds really good.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's some of the things that in this show are just a gift. It's like a gift where you find out like, I mean, obviously it's why we do this show. When you start like opening up the hood and looking into the actual details of these people's lives, it's fantastic. The idea of like a pathological liar's life is an amazing labyrinth. Yeah. And it's a fun circus.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And they said, which I think is like, I dislike how they put it, it's a local German restaurant that has deep roots in Huntsville since the great German influx on or about 1945. No! And my thing was, is that, what is that, what is that, um...
Last Podcast On The Left
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I will not believe that a juicy secret of we killed JFK could have ever lasted long enough. Because what do we know about CIA guys? As soon as they're sick, they start telling the truth. They still have a bad cold. And they'll start saying stuff like, we definitely killed some people in Serbia.
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I just can't believe that the secret would ever lay that long.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, like the Watergate in D.C., now it's all super cute. They're all like, the main bar, it's called like the break-in. That's what I was gonna say, break into comfort at the Watergate.
Last Podcast On The Left
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familiar and it's like oh yeah it's because the operation paperclip scientists that we purchased had to move to huntsville we purchase or take purchase and then we move in the huntsville we made of americans and then think about this then i'm like now i'm super excited to go yeah only just because How good does German food have to be for ex-Nazis to sit and like it?
Last Podcast On The Left
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When you went this time, did you see what I loved about the first time I went to Dealey Plaza was the conspiracy theory buskers?
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's their ghost tours? Dude, it's the best. They stay. They stand on the grassy knoll with lanyards and piles of newspapers. And then they're just on loop. It was just all black men. when I went. I know exactly. It's the same guy. It was wild. He comes up to you. He just starts kind of saying the beginning of the story, right? And then he's like, if you want to hear the rest, that'll be $15.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And then you're like, you can pay the man $50. Marcus and I did it. We paid him money, and then we both sat with this homeless man as he described the events of the
Last Podcast On The Left
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conspiracy theory and then we started pushing back and then we're now talking with the man and then he's yelling us being like you don't know better than me you don't know better than me and we're all like i'm sorry sir like i guess we're we're just visiting this is just this is an important place for our relationship the thought of you looking at the grassy knoll and then a guy with a cigarette bouncing in the corner of his mouth going you know that's where they did it
Last Podcast On The Left
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Now, I'm glad that you even said this, because this is, I'm so glad to have you here. I'm glad to be here. Because you, he was on Billions. And he knows, like, even just, you heard that, like, even just saying that about the pitch, right? Like, he knows all about the pitch. And what you got to do to get in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, yeah, dude. You know, I worked as, I did headhunting for a very small period of time, and I was fired immediately.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Very similar in the idea of doing the stockbroker as idiot.
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Yes. That's all of them. And then you find out that's literally the heart of all of the stockbroking industry is all fat fucks from Queens.
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It's the same guys that failed cop exams, like became stockbrokers, but it does work. But how do you feel about crypto?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, Hak Tua girl. And then she finally made her very tear-filled apology. Oh, she did? Because she didn't understand. She just didn't understand. She didn't know. Hak Tua girl is innocent. I do believe that she had no idea. Yeah, she took the money.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Seems as if you yeah the rug pulled with her and I you're right I don't think she knew what she was doing, but I also did not feel like there were any victims in this No, it's only idiots only idiots lost their money But now this is this is why I wanted to bring this up this even the subject is because this this story really made me laugh Now this comes from Twitter. I don't know if you're aware.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Okay, it's an app Crypto trader known as mr. Fuck you He shot himself live on Twitter. Have you not heard about this yet? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, yeah. By the way, right before we get to the story, when you had us on the show, the Luigi Mangione shooting had hours before. So everyone was like, why didn't they go harder in the paint on Dan Soder's show? And I was like, it's because we didn't know what the fuck was happening.
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I mean, like, I'm not saying it's good that it serves Nazis. Holy shit, look at that. And we made them. That's schnitzel, dude. We revamped them into American, so it doesn't really count. Because we went to the moons on their back. But if you look at this, like, this food looks so good. And it has to be good, because can you imagine serving it to Werner Von Braun?
Last Podcast On The Left
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It wasn't cool. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but. So you can hear it a little bit back. All right. So take it back. A crypto trader known as Mr. Fuck you. He shot himself live on Twitter after losing his last five hundred dollars in a meme coin rug pull on Friday night. Now, what he said, this complete utter chode. What does that mean, by the way? I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm going to say. I'm going to say they took his meme coin from him. What they do is pump up a coin, a fake crypto version of a coin, right? They pump it up. They all put the money in. And the goal is to get out and sell right at the very top, which normally happens within about eight to 12 hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It sounds like no matter what. It's like, you know, you short a stock. Yeah.
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Yes. Or if you're in at the end. If you know it beforehand.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, my God. Can we put the air conditioning on?
Last Podcast On The Left
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With this guy, he says, okay, he says he wanted to, I guess, promote this new meme coin. So he had a revolver in his hands and he says, if I die, make me a meme coin. The gun then misfired twice. And then on the third time, it blew his fucking brains out. And then it shot the brains out of the back of his head, which then, and then the stream lasted for another three.
Last Podcast On The Left
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30 minutes as guess what happened the meme coins started getting printed so they immediately did a bunch of them because he was also known as i'm really poor online this is him with an ak-47 and a fedora oh my god this is exactly how i imagined mr fuck you both in life and in death it is a cheap shitty gun Yes, it is. Was that a Kalashnikov? It's an AK. That is an AK.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So you see, what they're saying right here, according to Mr. Fuck You, his life, he also went by, I'm really poor, he's 23, and he said he was going through some mental health struggles, obviously, and some believe that the community, in the community, believe that the suicide was tied to a breakup, as he used to talk about his shorty, but suddenly he stops referring to her. No more shorty.
Last Podcast On The Left
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No, it was about two weeks ago, and then it turned into a full meme coin circus. You have a thing called Mr. Coin, with the developer sending him 70% of the total supply just before his death. And then reactors at crypto Twitter were actually really interesting, because a lot of people were, of course, just jumping in.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So a lot of people made money on meme coins based upon his death and the moments after his death.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And watching Werner Von Braun take one slice and him look at you and just be like, we have a word for someone like you. And they're all like, he's like shaking and stuff. He's like, an excellent cook. You know, like they have to just deal with it. I love how it looks like all Alabama, like they just cover it in gravy. Dude, that is what, that's a Wienerschnitzel.
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I just think it's a... Oh, there we go. I don't mind this trend. I think that this could be a continuous... Like, we could lose some grandpastras.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I just feel like it's a, what are we going to do? Because I know it's the idea of like, money's fake anyway.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And so now we're supposed to all believe in the new fake money, but also it's making people kill themselves. But if he was going to kill himself anyway, why shouldn't people make money?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Once we stopped giving shells for blowjobs, then everything's been downhill.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You know, hundreds of thousands of dollars, even millions of dollars are getting slopped around with these dumb shit little things, which is it seems like the smoke screen. I brought this up a little bit in our Anders Breivik series, but I do feel like this is my it's like a boomer situation here that I'm forced into. Yeah. Where several very big studies showed about how memes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Radicalize young men faster than any other form of media. That's because we hate to read. It's because memes, making it funny and making it palatable, make it extremely easy for it to slide in. And then how does this sound familiar? It's only a joke. I'm just saying it's just a funny thing that I'm doing. I wasn't serious.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes, and the problem is that if nobody ever is serious, eventually you're going to, it changes your worldview in a way. Eventually, if nothing is remotely sacred, all of a sudden, your 21-year-old making money off of some dipshit suicide because you can't.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's exactly what Wiener Schnitzel is. I love Wiener Schnitzel. Oh, man. We are going to eat all over this. Welcome to Side Stories. Holy shit. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Fuck you. I want to talk about the schnitz. Me too, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Like, literally, like, Snoop's going to now do 15 minutes. You want to hear Gin and Juice live? And we're literally going to short this in the next 15 minutes. Like, we're going to get this done.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah. Oh, yeah. Everybody else eats dick. But I just more, it was just looking at him, too. He just looks like such a fucking... You know, how do you say like, does anybody look at their baby when it first comes out of their vagina and they look at them in the bassinet and be like, my son one day is going to commit suicide on Twitter. He has the face of somebody that would.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Which I just don't even understand. It's like the story of every person who's ever made it. Yeah. It's like that's the, buddy, I mean, if you just, well, I don't know if he was going to make it.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And I understand that some people might be upset about it, but I just love the concept of what they just called local German influx after 1945. which is if that was just sort of coincidence.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I'm just saying that when he's sad, I'm really poor. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's Mr. Fuck you. Right there. That's Mr. Fuck you. Show the other one. He's just like, that's Mr. I'm really poor. I'm really poor with the Louis Vuitton hat to the side. Yes. Because he is poor because he spent $1,000 on a stupid hat. I just hate when people shave the top of their mustache. It's really great.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Unless you're John Waters, you have to be a professional homosexual to have a pencil-thin mustache.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So we just want to say, again, rest in peace to Mr. Fuck You, and I hope that you guys, you gooners, and you goon dames, I mean, think women goon, you gainers, you women gooners, if you even exist, I hope that you go out there and you celebrate him every day by buying a revolver.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, see, I just, like, it's just a doll, but look at it. They call him a... A fictional serial killer. That's what they call Chucky. Oh, that's what they call Chucky. A fictional serial killer. They said he's waving around a fictional serial killer. And it's like, no, it's a doll. But it's fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You better watch out or I'll hit you with Sean. All right, check this out.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So it's probably like 100 people. It says how many scientists? 1,600 German scientists, engineers, and technicians came to the United States from 1945 and 1959. They took us to the moon, baby! Because they had the eye on the prize. These guys' operation, that's what gave us our big advantage over the Soviet Union. Yes. And these guys went straight to Huntsville.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So this is my question. Did he actually believe in the magic of Chucky?
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But the thing is, he said it was in response to him being not given beer at the restaurant. So he went home to get his Chucky.
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murderous little doll You know who would never ever betray me?
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And it doesn't have the mask. It doesn't have the thing.
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Is no man better than his past? Can no man grow past his fucking... Where he's... Oh, the chains! The chains of what I've been...
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Just the idea of calling the cops on him is very strange.
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There is a man with a tiny porcelain red-headed shot outside of this door.
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The only way this is honestly police worthy is that you take two of them, chain them together. That's a nunchucky. And then that can actually be extremely, extremely dangerous. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And that's kind of nice, honestly, in a way, for them. It is a good place to stash a bunch of Nazis, and no one's going to pay attention. No one cares what happens in Huntsville, necessarily, because they keep it a secret. NASA, never a straight answer. Mm-hmm. All right. Well, yeah, they're all going downtown, straight to Huntsville. At least. And the very end, yes, we know. Horrible atrocities.
Last Podcast On The Left
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What point in the night do you say, ah, hand's gone? Yeah. No reason to look. No one went looking for the hand? James, your hand is gone. God gives you two until you lose them.
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Yeah, dude. It just popped off because it exploded. And then a bird, I do think it's exactly what you said. I think a bird picked it up thinking, mmm, yum, lunch. And they pick it up and then it's hard for a bird to do it. And the bird don't go back. Birds are lazy. They always kind of talk about the early bird and the worm and stuff like that.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But I think largely, I've seen birds drop shit all the time. Birds really give up. They just don't really care.
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They should just go and line it up. I think it's because the child, like, maybe it's because he's embarrassed. Or was the hand mauled? I don't know.
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I'll always remember we went to Berlin, and we were walking around, and, you know... It's this big, like, it was like an EDM festival slash environmental protest. That's very funny. There was nothing like seeing 14-year-olds look so classy drinking white wine. They're all drinking white wine. I didn't even know what wine was. I couldn't even tie my shoes.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, they're all very, very cosmopolitan. And they're all enjoying each other. They're all clinking glasses and stuff.
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I mean, that's sad, though, for them, because I feel like that's a fun story for kids. Like, I feel like it can stand by me. Yeah, like, I saw human bones once when I was a child. It was awesome. Really?
Last Podcast On The Left
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In Forest Park in Queens. We went up there, and we went to, my buddy and I went past a bunch of, at the time. They're walking around the railroad tracks. Yeah.
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I'm Jerry O'Connell. But we went through a bunch of police lines. My neighborhood in Queens had a very sudden influx of Haitian population. Okay. over a very small period of time, and it really changed the neighborhood, and it brought in a lot of voodoo and brought in a lot of, like, practices. And we had, like, several voodoo head shops in the neighborhood, which were awesome. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Because you could see it. Like, you could go into... It was like a bodega, and then you'd look past the guy, and there would be a room behind him where you'd have all the paraphernalia. Like, you'd go, and you'd get it all. It's awesome.
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like no no no no not for you and then i go and i we went to see we went to this place that was all cordoned off and there was blood all over the in this like they did animal like it was one of those things where they came hard down cops came down hard on the haitian populations obviously because of racism and also because they were doing a lot of animal sacrifice with no licenses that's really funny to get a license for animal sacrificing you
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's just killing. I mean, that's just fine. You have to do it in a certain place. Yeah. You have to do it because apparently, yeah, you can't do it at Forest Park. You can't do it in your rental.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Listen, I want you to listen. I love Mama Muerte just as much as anybody else, all right? Every day I give him a sip of rum and I smoke a cigar to Papa Evil, okay?
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No, we did it once. We got one. They pre-killed it. Oh, really? They kill it for you. Oh, they kill it for you. Yeah, you go in there and they literally go like, eh? And then you go, kill it. And then they go like, they snap its neck. Did you watch? Yeah.
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Yeah, they clean it all up, and then you take it. How much was it? Do you remember? I want to say literally it was like $10. But I do think then I brought it to, because it was with Carly, and then I think she cried.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Can we go? Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Can you send me where I can get a genuine beer wench outfit for Ed's wife? Yes. I have her sizes saved in my phone for whenever I buy her clothes. Then can I get one for me? Yes. Because I'm going to buy one and stand next to her.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, and then I remember the time that we did a sketch where... You don't think about it. What did we do with the pig head? Did we just throw it in a trash can in the village? That's what we did when you got all the pig intestines for the Buttweiser sketch when we thought we needed to have real intestines. There was no way we could ever fake it with any form of makeup whatsoever.
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So they covered me in real pig intestines that we destroyed this costume. We fucked up all John's whole living room We did all this shit just because we're like no dude. It's fucking hard good.
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look real even though it is real everyone's like this is fake and you're like you have no idea the disgusting lengths we went and the audience a lot of audience don't know what it's like to have a real butcher because i used to go to a real guy that i remember when we used to act when we asked for the pig guts and the guy was like yeah like he was so excited he's like you made my tuesday shift easier come here it's that bag right there yeah wow
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Oh, Dan, it's great. Are you an advanced meat man?
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No, I can hold on. Have you ever had head cheese?
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It's like meat jelly. It's like all the stuff from your fucking head, dude.
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The white sausage. I don't know what it is. I think it's cum. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but I eat it too. Solidified, solidified gum. Because that's head cheese. So it's like essentially, it's a meat jelly solidified.
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French. It's a cold meatloaf. I like a spicy-ass mustard, like a Kosciuszko. I like a fucking Polish mustard. Would I look stupid doing it with, like, a French's? No.
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It's because they're people that they grew up with. I like it.
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I fucking like it. You're going to just... Listen, I want to squash this now. I didn't realize you were going to cry.
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Yeah, man. I love all that type of shit. Anything that's fucking... What about haggis? Yeah, I love it. You loved haggis. I love... I actively like haggis. What? Yeah, it's good. If you get it, good. They don't get in. You're not going to eat it here. Yeah, I know. Like, L.A.
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You don't think I don't got the fucking... What's German for breasts? You got calves. What's German for breasts?
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You would be wildly surprised how good it is. It's a horrible name and the ingredients are a nightmare.
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Exactly. It is basically the same flavor profile as a hot dog. It's heavily spiced, Good texture.
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schnitzel titzel oh bruce oh yeah i got crazy bruce yeah man i got fucking bruce's out the fucking i got a day i fucking got size day i die i got size die bruce's wow and you could just go yeah you slap me into that these are these of age women i just found um your fetish yeah i think i think i'm finally gonna role play
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Skate is basically- Yeah, it's like stingray. Yeah, I think I've had skate before. It's bad. Was it gamey?
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Beaver shepherd's pie sounds like the worst porn I've ever seen.
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The groundhog chili, though, does sound pretty good.
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See, the only thing that really skeeves me out is that I've heard bear meat's really gross. I've heard bear meat's very greasy. They said it was cow because they put it in like a stew. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
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Yeah, I bet. I don't want to eat. I think dog in general is not necessarily.
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It kind of feels like how it was just, we were just in Dallas with Marcus's family. Yeah. And there is like a thing about like, I always sort of feel like maybe I could be a man. And then you meet like all the ranchers. Oh yeah. And then you're like, oh, I'm not a man.
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His father has one eye, and he still works, like, 15 hours a day. He beats the shit out of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, and you want, like, my hand feels like, like, essentially the hand of, like, you know, Hillary Swank. I have Hillary Swank's hands.
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What a cherished time this was to spend this with you.
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And then very quickly, what I wanted to do, this is Rob's idea, and I think it's fun. Yes. Is at the end of your shows, you do a card opening segment. Hell yeah. So Rob went to the local hobby store. Yeah. And he got a pack of cards to open that I figured that maybe we could describe. And I've never seen this before. It is the Elvis collection. Yes. This fucking rules, dude.
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So these are, so I'm just going to give this to you. Yeah. I'm just going to give this. The Elvis collection. You get a pack. You guys get a pack, and then we'll just see. Cards of his life.
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I got so excited I thought you did, and I hurried to open my pack. Did you ever see his interviews? I'm fascinated with Elvis. Have you ever seen his talks or the interview with his cook? No. She's wonderful. It just recently came out? Yeah. No, it was like a couple, a bunch of years ago.
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He'd come in after taking three of those blue pills. And he would be so excited. So excited.
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So you're going to be Adrian Brody from The Brutalist?
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Hey, if you could avoid any suspicious minds. Hey, can you do something not about the Chicago ghetto?
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I'm just going to say anybody that survived WWII in its way and was of the Jewish persuasion, Eddie, I'm going to say this in the most gentle way possible. You might need to lose a couple of pounds. Oh, well, you know, so they always needed a cook. See, if you dress as this, you see, this is a Lederhosen. See, I don't want to dress as a German. I want to be like, I need a hat.
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And I love my Bobby Bonilla bit, and I also still herald him, but at some point, the time does go, and you can't always do the same bit always. Oh, wow. You know what I got? Smirking Elvis.
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See, this is the live series. I remember this one's like, these are part of the same live show that he did. These are the comeback tours. You know, I do find it interesting that he never toured internationally. Really? He also invented the live stream. Really? He never toured internationally? No.
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See, this is the kind of shit I like. See, this is the version of Elvis I like the most, which him... Big, thick belt on, just at work. Yeah. Elvis relaxed wherever, whenever, and however he could. Here you see him participating in an early 70s Easter egg hunt at his home in California. Given his demanding schedule, it's a wonder that he ever got to relax at all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
There were songs to record, movies to make, concerts to do, and on rare occasions, television specials to consider. In spite of this picture, it should be obvious that Elvis never put all of his eggs in one basket. Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Now I'm going to go home and have sex with my husband.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, you want to dress in a Holocaust uniform so that you can have sex with a weird, in a weird fucking twisted fantasy that you want to do where you want to have Julie act like some kind of like Nazi sympathizer that you're having sex with because her tits are out. She's not a Nazi sympathizer. She's a Jewish sympathizer. Because she's having sex with a Jewish man? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, honestly, thank you so much for joining us. Fucking rules, dude. I honestly do wish that these were, I do wish we had a little bit more of the food involved.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
There's Alligator, which is weird. That's for Ed. These are Garbage Pail Kids. Max Axe. And then we have here, this is Shaggy Aggie. This is making fun of women with underarm hair. And then this one here is referring to an executioner. This is Garbage Pail Kids. For those of you who don't know, this was a thing that we liked as children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'd say buy it, buy it. But this I find to be ignorance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Hey, tell me, what was it like when she was in your palms?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Dude, thank you so much for being here. You guys rule.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But no, but a lot of them did that and then they would go and sell them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Ilsa, the she-dog of the Fuhrer. I wouldn't let them touch her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, do it. Fuck yeah. Bye, fucker. What an amazing time we had. Oh, I love Dan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Still around. He's fucking doing amazing. He's crushing it. playing theater solo he's doing great so go to patreon.com slash last podcast and left you can watch us go through the whole card scenario we're having so much fun also go check us out on the big flop with misha brown we talk about joe exotic we really we really fit in with his audience And I'm excited, though. Go check it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
He was very sweet, man. Very, very sweet. And then go check out all of our horseshit on Twitch. Twitch.tv slash LPNTV. We have Good Pud live this week. Yes. At 6 p.m.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Ooh, yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun. And go to lastpodcastandleft.com and buy tickets to see us live. Our show's better than ever. Come to Nashville.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
We're going to have a lot of fun. Come check us out. We're going to eat some Yerman food. We're going to have diarrhea. Come, please. Watch us entertain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
she's german yes rosing well this is a lot well so what does this say sexual sexy nazi role playing okay as long as you're a proud jew i did this is an article from forward magazine can you i can't even can i can't read it what does it say here all right it says there's nothing wrong with introducing nazi role play in the bedroom according to josephine dalton there's
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You're done with hot chicken? It's a prank. We've talked about this on the show for years. What are you talking about? Hot chicken. It's a prank played from locals. on to us. Well, you get the mild.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, you are going to be. You're not going to be in that comedy club, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
We're doing O-Town. We're coming on to Fort Lauderdale. You can come and check us out. O-Town, actually, the tickets are doing really well. But come check us out in Fort Lauderdale. I have no idea what in the living fuck that's going to be like. I'm very excited.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
And I'm going to say a thing that I don't know what it means yet. They're going to be different formats.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Structure. Sure. Yeah. Structure. You know structures. You know we do. You've seen us live. Yeah. All right. Hail Satan, everyone. Yes. Hail Dan Soder. Yeah, he did good. Fucking love that guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Journalist Mark Oppenheimer wrote the name. German was a Nazi. Mark Oppenheimer's writing about this? But he scolded the letter writer for being a self-hating Jew. Famous sex writer Dan Savage called on Oppenheimer, who is Jewish, to answer the unusual question on his blog Savage Love. The letter writer, a Jewish woman in her 20s, found herself in quite a pickle with her German lover.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, see, this is way different than what I'm trying to do. She wanted to ask him to fulfill her Nazi role play fantasy, but was scared he would be offended. Yeah, of course. That's the fear. Oh, yes. How long do I have to wait? I'm talking about a German that hides the Jewish people. Oh, okay. That's different. You didn't set it up like that. That's what I'm talking about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Do you think that she's going to be excited that you and I worked out your Nazi role play with her? Nazi era. Role play. You're going to have to go and do that with her. You're going to have to go discuss that and say, Henry loves this idea. We workshopped it on the show. Yeah, Henry really was excited for this idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, but you want your hat. It's not a sexy article of clothing. I'm not trying to take it. Well, it is. It's the only thing you're wearing. Actually, no. I find it strange. Can you imagine that? I don't know why. I don't know what it is. Again, if it's a nude woman, I'm engaged. I don't really care.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But something about a nude woman with just a top hat on, with just a Peter Pan hat on, actually, I'm looking at this, Rob. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah. Because it looked like she's a little girl that got transformed magically into an adult. You know what I mean? And that she's still the little girl on the inside. Hold on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'm excited about this, but we do have to take a plane there and it's been horrible out there for planes. And I did want to bring up this one story. Okay. Now I've heard something about this several times, which is, you know, that if you die in the air, there's really not much they can do for you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
She could have. She could have if she wanted to. She could have taken the rebellion to the cockpit. Here we go. Now, this story, some people say they're all traumatized, but I actually think it's kind of funny. Okay. Mitchell Ring and Jennifer Collin were on a Qatar Airways flight from Melbourne to Doha, the Qatari capital, last week. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
About 10 hours into the flight, a woman exited the restroom, collapsed, and died right in front of them. That's very horrible. That's horrible. And they say, according to them, they did everything they could. They pumped her legs, fished around her mouth, they kissed her a bunch, and she never came back. Everything you do to a woman. Sometimes also with a woman, too. This is a tip.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I don't want anybody to push back on me on this. You never get pushed back. If you want to wake up a woman who's asleep or dead, twist them like radio dials. Sometimes that's how you know if she's dead. Every time there's a fresh dead woman, always do that. Try to change the volume on her. That's how you find out when they're not. Because most people respond to that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
That's what they do. So they did everything they could according to them. They said they looked a little frustrated. So they didn't know what to do, which I don't really know. Is it because her body was right there? Yeah. Because my thing is, she already paid for a seat. You should put the dead woman back in the seat she paid for. Well, they didn't put her in the seat she paid for?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, they decided because... She might have been of the larger persuasion. It seems that they physically could not get her back to her seat. Okay. So they just plopped her in the seat that was open next to this couple. So they said straight up, can you move over, please? They said, yes, no problem. And then they just placed that lady in the chair that they were just sitting in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
So she just laid there absolutely dead. Well, Cutter Airways is not Delta. No, it's not. But Qatar also, it's like, you're in the middle, you're over the Atlantic Ocean. So I do understand why you have to, well, I guess, no, but you have like the Indian Ocean. But it's like, I understand why you can't necessarily land. No, you can't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
So they said that couples- Why don't they give the couple somewhere else to sit? Well, this is the worst part is that they got stuck in. They got stuck in while the, because this is the thing. Was the lady, the lady was really big? Let's put it this way. I think that some people, maybe not me-
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But if a body was placed next to me, I think that some people might be very reticent to get near it or go past it. Me, I'm straddling the thing if I have to take a shit. I don't care. I'm just going. I know it's dead. I know she's dead. Go by. I'll give her the little papal blessing or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, you ventilate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she probably, she could have definitely, well, it sounds like she just came out of the bathroom, so I think she was empty. Oh! And then she came out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Now that's sad. I should think about that now. Hopefully I don't have a shit that keeps keeping me alive inside of me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Is it just odd to say that I don't think it would haunt me at all? Yeah. I think that I'm on a plane and there's different rules. I think that if I saw someone die in front of me, I saw someone die in front of me in an emergency room. I have. I watched someone collapse and that did end the panic attack that I was in there for because I realized that I shouldn't be in the emergency room.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You're fine. Yes. And then I've seen dead body. I saw a dead body on the train and I'm not really that. Scarred by it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I think they just... And you shut the door. I think they just were trying to get her in a seat because they didn't want her corpse lying like a log in the center of the fucking aisle. Yeah. And so I think they wanted to plop her in a seat as some form of respect, I imagine. I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Man, I am getting more and more excited to go to Huntsville. I can't wait. We're on our way. I can't wait to do this. One of my favorite things here, it says, is we found really very interesting. You know, we asked last week to get any sort of recommendations of things to do in Huntsville. And we were super excited. We're like, OK. And we got a lot of messages and we're like so happy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
That would actually be nice. Or you put her up in the galley where you can literally cover her in ice. Well, you can't. We've already established you can't. We're not lifting her up. Well, yeah, they could have asked people to help. I've had someone help. Is there a doctor on a plane on a flight before?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But they said the worst part was that when they were stuck after the flight emptied, they were not allowed to leave their seats because they had to wait until the medical officer came on and worked on the dead body as they were stuck next to it because they didn't want to cross over the body.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But at the time, I was like, absolutely. Because this was when I got Beach Lane, I was on unemployment. I had to, I remember taking food from craft services home. I'd have to go and take all the granola bars and all the snacks, and I'd have to jam them into my bag, and I'd have to leave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And I remember all the time when it's like, because we'd go out, like I hung out with Matthew Broderick three or four times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But Matthew Broderick's like, hey, you want to go out to dinner tonight? And I'm like, I don't know how to tell you, Mr. Broderick. I cannot afford to be anywhere near you. You would have to be you to get it. So he took us out a couple times. It was actually really nice, but I was like, I was fucked. Yeah, you didn't get in the car with him, though. What do you mean? I actually drove.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I helped him. He pushed the pedals, and I went behind him. So that's how I got even into the world. And so I was picked by one of these active producers. And it's just important for you to know that everything that happens on the 8-H stage does not happen on accident. My audition was ran several times. Yeah. They all had my tapes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They knew you were doing exactly every word you said they knew was going to come out of your mouth. They saw Murderfest. They did a bunch of stuff. They'd research you. They know you. They know you extremely well by the time you hit that stage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They knew you so well that they knew Holden and I. Yes, because what also works is because we were total outsiders, which you find out is a bad word in show business. Because we were total outsiders, I thought they were going to be so excited to welcome me and my bros to that backriders room. And they were going to be so thankful to have these three renegade fuckfaces in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And they were just going to lay the red carpet out for us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But I just want to say, honestly, that's kind of, I guess, as far as I can go. The audition itself, it's just funny because they knew what I was going to do. Yeah. And I came out, and I'll always remember, War Michael's favorite bit was the naked bit. I always remember that was the specific note he gave. Love the naked monologue. I like it when you're naked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But he also, and I don't even know if I should say that technically what he'd The note that I got back, the reason why I didn't get on was because the label, what they said was, we don't do you anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Well, it's basically more current events-based, hardcore impressions-based.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You see, I just... You know, if you're on... My main takeaway from this whole week, right? We're just not even gonna... Why? What happened? I mean, we know. I fight, right? We're public figures. Yeah. In a way. Kind of. I know. I have, like... what you call impulsive thoughts, on a public level all the time. And I'm putting in front of people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It would have been a nightmare if you got it, man. I do think that it is extremely stressful to do it. If I were to do the audition again, I would change. But maybe what I did, not in terms of just the other things around it. But, you know, there's a term in comedy that you learn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
One of the things you learn, right, when you start off in doing acting in show business, is that all my managers and agents, when I first started, they'd always ask, who's... who's the version of you that you want to see? Like, they go, like, what career model do you want to follow? Tony Orlando. Always. But the guy said, but he said, like, it was always asked these questions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So, like, obviously, for a long time, it was Chris Farley, besides the death. But within comedy teachings, they have things that they call it. I want to say it goes back to like Comedia dell'arte shit, where like one term was sloppy clowns. And that's what I was. I was a sloppy clown, which is not derogatory necessarily. It just is an energy thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And it was a thing that they sort of liked before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yes. And on Saturday Night Live, especially at the time, it was more like they just kind of weren't going for that angle. They were going for very clean cut, People with that style of like they can go straight from this to a Revlon commercial to a network sitcom. And it's like there's no alt in there except for recently Sarah Squirm, who I think is a genius. Yes. But these like these guys are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But otherwise, this is hilarious. It's just hilarious that it's like this. If you want to know anything else about this, I'll tell you anything you want to know. I forgot that I did the little bow. Yes. I forgot that I did the bow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
All I'm saying is now I'm happy. I'm happy it happened. It's crazy that it happened. It made me realize, like, I mean, Natalie, you know, it's unfortunately. Backhanded compliments are the only ones I normally receive. Yeah. And I like them. And I realize that that's me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And every single thing that I tried to destroy about myself or change about myself that I wanted to make like somebody else is why I have this job now and why I have this life now. You've made your own life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The fucking stork that delivers abortions fucking talks about you like that. We're just slightly below them and I don't care because you know what's nice is that I got so many... beautiful messages. Yeah. From listeners, from coworkers, people I haven't heard from in a long time. I got a lot of real, so, I'm actually, I'm extremely thankful this happened and it's fucking hilarious. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And I, it sort of feels like a revenge. It sort of feels like, it sort of feels like, well, in the end, you had to include me. I did see some, the only, Lindsay shook us, I have no problems with. I now, I got some information. I talk, I talk with some people. She's, it was not meant to hurt me. It was not meant to be upset with me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I just want to say, in the end, it's really nice. The people who reached out to me, it was really fucking wonderful. And you know what this kind of brings it around? That's my shirt you're wearing. It might be. You're looking in the audition tape right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Sometimes I've been talking so long all week that sometimes I even forget I'm on microphone. And I forget that I'm on stage. I'm just constantly doing stuff. So you kind of just forget. But I'd say a big thing I'd like to give to any piece of advice to anybody who wants to be a performer is that if you're ever in a situation where there's a podium... And a lot of flags. And people in front of you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Hello. That was great, Jansen. But I, you know, it's just, you know, whatever, man. I will say I saw some mean things. Someone, a writer once wrote about my audition, but didn't name my name in one of the big Saturday Night Live think pieces, like try to trash me. But that's just because writers are jealous of people that are naturally charismatic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But everybody else, I'm extremely, utterly thankful. Because this is fucking crazy, man. This is me. And you know what this brings us to? Is David Lynch. Yes. Because I'm not comparing myself ever. But the idea of, I was listening to somebody talk about David Lynch, and the one thing they said was the center of his happiness. So David Lynch walked around. Cigarettes. Yes. He loved cigarettes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No one loves cigarettes like he loves cigarettes. No one did. He wrote an ode to him on his deathbed. That's how much you love cigarettes. Well, you viewed them as a part of the art life. It was like a way for him to stand out. But what they said, they were like, yes, they believe that meditation was one big key to David Lynch, but Laura Dern said something that I found interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I love Laura Dern. I love Laura Dern. And she said, David had a serenity that seemed to come...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
from his his ability to express himself artistically without even once thinking about what somebody thought about the piece he never thought like he never thought about what the judgments would put on the only things he thought about was the risk what he called the receiver was the person that watched his work that is the reason why for so long when people do all these memes of people saying like explain eraser head explain these things and him saying no it's a
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, no. You fucking come up with it yourself. With Lynch movies, you're a part of the story when you're watching it. And with David Lynch, he made movies very similar to the way he painted. And what he said was like a long time was being like, just straight up like, I don't get why you want me to use words. to talk about a visual medium.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Like, why do you need me to try to explain something that's all in there? Yeah. And it's for you to pick apart. And there's something about... Like, there's something in there. He struggled to make Dune because Dune was pushing him into a place he didn't want to go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But he's told to be one, right? He's told that this is the way to go, that this is the only way to go. When I went to Florida State University and got my stupid BA in theater, they never talked about, there was any, the way that they talked about acting was essentially, you're never going to make it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Absolutely. everybody all they did was tell acting students they never explained that there's so many ways there's so many ways it's not just being a movie star it's not just making ip for a major studio there's so many ways for you to make art in a professional sustainable way and you see david lynch probably got suited with slapped with this shit just being like well if you really want to go
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You need to fucking do a big one, which is like Dino De Laurentiis. He did that shit because he essentially he produced Dune. And then he then after the catastrophe that was Dune, he gave David Lynch permission to do Blue Velvet because he said you can go do whatever he wants. And then he shows up with Blue Velvet. And so now I start to understand that, which I think Ira Glass also said, too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
maybe don't like about yourself and your work because it doesn't look like somebody else's work and you want it to look like somebody else's work and you want to kind of take away those differences because you want it to be like somebody else but you don't understand those are the very things that why somebody likes what you do versus why they like what that person does and that David Lynch was such a good example of like you know everybody who likes David Lynch kind of felt like that's my director I think I think a lot of people felt like well I have a personal relationship with David Lynch that you don't have because the art itself
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Actors were colors on his palette. And unlike Wes Anderson, and this is some shade. where they appear like props and mannequins, he let them live inside of his world. He just taught them the rules. Yeah. And that's what he would do. Like, if you ever listen to him direct, I love listening to David Lynch give people directions. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Of any big Capitol building, I'd say one thing you might want to do, you might want to avoid, is any single motion that might be misconstrued for a Ziegheil. Only just because... People get mad. I'm not trying to shit on artistic expression. Yeah. We know that it's a lucky thing. Everybody knows a swastika is lucky. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's all just being like, yeah, you're gonna want some wind in here. I love shit like that because he also trusted actors, unlike Wes Anderson. He actually trusted actors because they would do a lot of stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I just think that Wes Anderson, it's like, just use dolls. Now he's a parody of himself. Yeah, if you're going to have people do it this way, just use fucking, it should all just be animated because you obviously don't care about a humanity. You don't care about an actor living in there. His animated films are great. They are. I actually think now they're better than his live action movies. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because they just don't have anything. They don't have any heart, even a soul. It's just like a pretty thing. It's just pretty. And it's like, well, I do believe that has its place. It's not really for me. I like David Lynch because... He's trying to lose me. Yeah. He doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't care.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Fucking, it's the best. I think Mulholland Drive, I think Blue Velvet is his capital B best movie. Mulholland Drive is his actual best movie. Yeah. I would probably put Lost Highway right underneath that. Obviously, Twin Peaks The Return is his ultimate piece of art. Yeah, that's your favorite. That's why I'm re-watching it because I need to get to that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The thing is that I also feel like Twin Peaks The Return, you don't really get anything out of it unless you've watched every single piece that he's ever made because it's all in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, okay. It is a 42-minute piece. Okay. That he made featuring these rabbits living in this weird liminal state. Oh, okay. And things coming at awesome. Oh, I'll totally watch this. Dude, no, you got to see Rabbits because you see kind of some stuff in Rabbits that actually shows up in Twin Peaks to return. Interesting. Same thing with- It's puppets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Fire Walk With Me has stuff from Twin Peaks The Return. There's also stuff from, there's little bits and pieces. Well, Fire Walk With Me is Twin Peaks. Yes, but Fire Walk With Me is crucial to watch Twin Peaks The Return.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Obviously, Twin Peaks dips in the middle of season two, but that's more a Mark Frost problem than a David Lynch problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because they said they wanted him to be something that he wasn't. And then what he did with Twin Peaks The Return was lovingly tell us all to go fuck ourselves. Because why do you expect something out of me? Yeah. Like, you should be here, man. Just come fucking watch this thing. Like, Twin Peaks The Return was so exciting because of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
There's pieces in all of the movies. I don't know if you've seen it. There's some background footage from Twin Peaks, the return of him making some stuff randomly. Isn't there like a seven-hour doc from that? Yes, it's on the DVD collection, which is great. Also, get his stuff on DVD because the transfer, except the Criterion collection, the Criterion app is fantastic. Yeah, go live on that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I live on that shit. He did all of this stuff. He makes a bunch of his own weird ass props. He just likes doing everything. He's just, he's just was a, he was pure creativity and the world is less that he has gone from it. And so the goal, I think, is for somebody out there, some young person out there, to become next him in a way that challenges people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But it's just important to know is to think about what's this going to look like on YouTube? You know, what's this going to look like as a still?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I think it's time for this shit to fucking stop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But guys... I think the one motif we're going to see over the next four years is that we are on our own. I don't think a part of that is you got to make... Stuff that you want to see in the world. If we want to wrestle the attention span away from these giant tentpole pieces of shit things that are going on because they don't care. It's all just Chinese propaganda. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So at some point we need to take the reins back. We have to take them back. They're doing it in Hollywood. They're doing it in horror. Yes. With independent horror.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But if you don't bank on yourself, no one will. No one's coming. There's no cavalry. It's you. It's up to you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
There's an axiom we're trying to do at LPN. It's called fail faster. Yeah. Fail faster. Move it forward faster. Get it out because, yeah, everybody's got intentions to be in problems, but honestly, I think it's just because they want good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They did a bunch of other stuff that his family was involved in. That's right. So it's got nothing to do with hate. It's got to do with pointing in a fun, aggressive way. Yeah, he was just so happy. So filled with exuberance that he had to zig-hide him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Unbelievable. Honestly, NASA, please come. We'll put you on the list. Yeah, yeah. If you want to come, we'll make it free. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Put you on the list.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
what a week you know yeah you feeling good you stretch you know what it is i've been having some problems with my shoulder and i went into pt right and he explained me he showed me this whole thing i'd never seen before he was like it's the sort of like ancient form of exercise can you show it to me yeah it's like he said that if i have problems with the right shoulder it's to go oh yeah well you know it's like it's like a salute motion if you can see it i saw this it's crazy it was like serendipitous stick around to see the um the release of the video oh yeah key is
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
All right, here we go. In much lighter news, family annihilations.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The only reason I'm even bringing this up is because I read about the statistics.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yes. Clifford Hunt Jr., 19. He shot his father, Clifford, mother, Michelle, and his 16-year-old brother all in the head. The little brother is the one who called 911 that it was happening. Then he killed himself. One thing that blew my mind. Do you know that every five days a relative kills a relative in the United States of America?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I think that's a part of... No, it just kind of throws off the average. Okay, all right. This probably bumps it up to four.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which, I mean, again, and I'll say this, and I mean this, and there's nothing wrong with the hand movement in and of itself, right? If you separate the hand movement, it could be throwing a bird. It could be throwing a rock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Funny stuff. I thought you were going to say, oh, it's a gamble. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now, what's... Sorry. I didn't make Saturday Night Live. No, you didn't. No. Well, you did now. Well, sort of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still wanted a peacock fucking documentary. Piss penis, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
um now then i looked up right because i wanted to see how far it was from pittsburgh um but one of the chefs over there you did a great job i met you today while we uh while my one of natalie's first students in her dance classes she taught this little girl dance now she's a full-grown adult and we want her to get married it was very very sweet wow um but thank you buddy does she still dance yes professional how was the first dance
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They did a very, it was choreographed. It was lovely. It was a lovely time. Yeah, it was nice. Now, I looked up where this family annihilation happened, though, and it was at North Swickly Township, Pennsylvania. Now, I thought this was right outside of Pittsburgh, but then I clicked on it. What I loved is that when I Google searched it just to see, this is the first thing that popped up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
This is the only picture of North Seward Township that ever showed up. This guy. Oh, yeah. This is the only picture on the Google Maps account is a man sitting against a rock with a bandana. The most pencil-tucky man you could possibly see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Hashtag fucking mood, whatever. He did great. He did great. These fucking pieces of shit. He shouldn't have shown up if he fucking wanted my respect. He wouldn't have been. But these guys, look, it's just so funny. I just looked it up because I thought it was hilarious. That's the only picture? That is the only picture from North Swickly Township.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's got there, yeah, he's got a weird, that's a big old bandana he's got. And you know what he's enjoying? A cigarette. Just like a good old... Sitting there doing nothing, putting the board in board shorts. I'll tell you what.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I really enjoyed it. There's a heart in Pittsburgh. It's beautiful. I love that place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We'll fucking see. Oh, and this is the only other main thing I really wanted to look at.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I'm done with the family annihilation. That's all I have. That's all we have. So we don't really know everybody's dead. Yeah, the family's gone. Yeah, I just really wanted to talk about that shocking statistic, which is ridiculous. But I wanted to talk about this. Now, you guys know I love my UFO footage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, I'm only showing this footage to you, Eddie, because I'm finally starting to see... Like, this one was the first one I saw where it's like... I think that this one is stupid. Now, this was a big deal. Now, News Nation, which is, you know, it works out of Australia. One of their main correspondents is a man by the name of Ross Colhart. Yeah. Ross Colhart used to be on 60 Minutes Australia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Main thing is, you know what's a good hand motion for politicians? I feel your pain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He was a big deal. Like, he's a real investigative journalist. And he was a part of the guy. He was the first that did the big expose with David Grush. So you love this guy. I love this guy. This is also a guy who's totally legit, just like George Knapp, who was driven utterly insane by the material and is now stuck in this, right? Yeah. And he says that he received video.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, part of what we've been talking about over the last couple months was called... Immaculate Constellation, which is a program inside of the Pentagon that was going out. This is pre-drone. This is pre-drone. There was a UAP retrieval program that was a top secret program that would send people out to supposed crashes. And it's why the United States of America might have 12 UFOs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I see. I like this one. This is a jerk off motion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That we've scooped them up from various parts of the world. We probably got more than that. When's that number 12 from? That's like years ago, right? Well, we don't know. We actually really don't know. We don't know if that's old info compared to the new info.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
David Grush, because that's when he started talking about this last year. Okay, okay. It was David Grush. Now, Ross Colhart, who has been sort of the spear of this whole story, he finally received some of this footage. One of the big issues, right? Remember when the big UFO conference, they do it in front of Congress? Yeah, we talked to NAP all about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But that's just what they do to themselves and to everyone at home and to the constituencies that they pretend to work for. Well, they got to do that and they do the foot tap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They said on that one was that we have terabytes of 4K UFO footage that would blow your mind. Right? That's all they said. Did they show one? No. They show even a clip of it? No. But this is the stuff that I guess they have decided to leak to Ross Colhart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, they have sent what he says is a man has sent him information, a man that has said under the duress of his life, he thinks he will be murdered if he finds out where the source of this leak came from. And what we have here is some of the most definitive footage of a UAP being airlifted by a helicopter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, here we can shut the sound off here. Now, the problem is, is that it says here you can see clearly an egg-shaped object that is 25 feet long in a hammock being suspended by a helicopter. Yeah. It's rolling around. Unfortunately, when I look at this footage, it is extremely difficult for me to not say that that is an egg on a stick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The problem is, the shadow's big. Not necessarily, because this could all be shot in miniature. It's true. It looks like the end of a stick with a piece of string. It does. With a napkin wrapped around an egg. And that's my problem, is that, yes, because now you're going to hear, because Ross Colhart begins to describe the egg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's like, as you can see, it's completely round, no doors, shaped like an egg. Yeah. And you're like, it does. It's a new egg pee. Honestly, I want that on a brunch menu. It's just, I never doubt. And this is the first one I saw where it's like, so is the disinformation now? Is this when the disinformation? So it's saying here that it's not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I pray. If you look at it, it's just, it's so hard because everybody's just ragging on this in the comments. The comments, it's just people are destroying NewsNation over this. And I guess that's what's hard is that, is like, Ross, it's not helping us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
If he could have just, just a second, if he could have just separated himself from the excitement for a second, just to be like, now how is this not an egg? You know what I mean? Like, if he could have just said that, being like, because he keeps saying egg-shaped craft. How does he not know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's just this whole long conversation. Obviously, we're now a part of the smoke screen that they like to use. Like, this is a whole thing. Because also, the Zieg Heil was based upon the Roman salute. So it was literally, it is a natural extension of the Roman salute. It's all just, it's just bad optics, you know, across the board. So I would just say, and also, just be really careful about
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You're why I didn't get Saturday Night Live. My connection to you is why. But it does make me sad. Yeah. Because I wanted this to be better. The yolk's on him. The yolk's on all of us. He may have cracked the case.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Shut up. No, no, you're right. But no, this just makes me sad because it's like, I just feel like he should have, if he was going to literally blow his wand, it should not have been on this egg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's Australian. He's just an older Australian man. And he just seems... But he's a very important journalist. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which family members deleted the number or later on were like, 600K?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No, absolutely. I need that baby now, buddy. I need a tiny liver. I need little lungs. I need something to hang for my rearview mirror.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
standing next to a Nazi or being anybody who wants to be next to Nazis because those guys need to be gotten rid of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I mean, that's their mistake. Yeah, it really is. Oh, here, I like this. Here, I'm going to check this. Okay, this is the first text. Good morning and happy early new year. I am attaching an invitation to blank baptism. No pressure to attend. I just wanted to invite everyone. The baptism will be at blah, blah, blah. We will attend at 12 noon mass. Then the baptism starts at 1.30.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We'll have a light lunch and refreshments to follow at our house afterwards. Hope you can make it. And then he said, that's a nice Caucasian baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's a nice Caucasian baby. How much you want for it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Like if I was drunk and I received this. Just being like, yeah, I'll come down over there with my slap shop. Are you not interested in selling? I'm willing to start the bid if I'm in your game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I really think that's the issue is the shooting the car.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, I think that's the issue here. I think this is kind of fun. He's just having fun. He's 21. Bring some kind of levity around. Everybody's so serious. He got hit by a semi-truck, and then he shot into a semi-truck. I think he was upset. It's Texas. Can't wait to go to Dallas. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
If you bring any newborns and just listen to any newborns, you want to bring them by. Yeah. $500,000 for just their organs. No. We can put it all together. Why not? I don't have that. We all can put it together. I was going to mortgage my house. Oh, okay. And then what we'll do is we'll buy two. Two babies. We'll get two babies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Okay, because it's a bad look. Yeah. It's a bad look, but I do want to remind our listeners, if you see a Nazi, you punch it in the goddamn face. All I know is I'm never getting in a Tesla again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And then what we'll do is- Well, Texas has so many extra babies because they can't kill them anymore. Because the thing is, yeah. And the thing is, I think this way, we can get two for five.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Especially in Texas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just ask the police officers in Uvalde. who didn't do much. Sorry. Sorry, not sorry. It's literally exactly what happened. It also comes to our Dallas show. We will see you there. Yeah, February 22nd. Grand Prairie. Whoa, I love Dallas. I can't wait. Here we go. We got some listener emails. Listener emails. Let's hear them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Last time I asked about what could possibly be a pig's motivation to kill a woman. Okay. And besides just... Was she running? Besides hate. Resisting arrest. In cell. Oh. In pig. Now, this is a... There's a love. It is unanimous. The listeners love Baldur's Gate and want to know who Henry kissed, first of all. It's Shadowheart. It's a goth, obviously. It's not unanimous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Marcus also asked me to tell you that he had sex with Leisel. She's an alien. Yeah. She's like a Githyanki. You don't know what that is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. Well, you go kiss some fruit, I guess. I will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I hope you are. Yeah. Go fucking suck on some berries. Yeah. I do every morning. I know you do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I modeled your fight to be healthy. I just eat what your doctor told you to eat. Yeah. I'm dying. Yep. But slowly, slowly, slowly. So here I ask, all right, so about the pig attack. While reading what I saw printed about the, all right, this is the one. I found this interesting. If the pigs were kept as pets by the neighbor, your producer that chimed in was likely correct.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The pigs had associated people with giving them food, and when the woman did not give them something, they got pissed off and attacked her. Always feed a pig. Always feed a pig, especially if it's wearing a Last Podcast on the left hat. Gotcha, Eddie. I'll eat myself. But honestly, we want you to wear that. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yep, I only... shit. But hey, we're not going to turn into Jimmy Kimmel. No. I'm not crying every day for the next fucking four years. I don't give a shit. No. Alright, so we're just going to move on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, if the pigs were from a commercial farm, it is likely they escaped during a ractopamine feeding cycle. Ractopamine. I don't know what that means. You keep saying that word over and over again like I'm going to know. It's a feed additive that is used because it promotes muscle mass growth over the production of subcutaneous fat in pigs without reducing the intramuscular fat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, they were getting marbling. Basically, functions for pigs like anabolic steroids do for human bodybuilders, and just like steroids do for people, there are significant psychological effects. Interesting. Cool. Pig farmers, I know, basically consider it a suicidal act to enter a pen with pigs while they are being fed retactoprine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So, long way of explaining it, it's possible the cause was roid rage piggies. Wow. That's fucking kind of disturbing. I'd love to see a jacked pig. I mean, we do. Yeah. Who? I mean, technically, that's what we eat. Jackpigs? When we eat pork, it's a lot of it. You think so? Unless you're eating, like, good pork meat. I have started eating better pork meat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's what I try to... I've been trying to get off some of the red meat. It's hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Well, my thing is, I'm no longer... I like making steak for myself, but honestly, I'd rather have somebody else make it at this point. Where if I'm going to eat it, I want a professional to make it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Fucking I do. Yeah. No, I love lamb. I like chicken thighs. I love chicken thighs. I had some for lunch. That's my favorite. It's my favorite style of meat. It's chicken thighs? Chicken thighs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Also, I've read, I don't know if this is a, this might be a RFK Jr. thing, but I think, I've heard that tofu, if you eat it, soy products, actually helps you not get, you know that weed disease that makes you throw up when you smoke it? Oh, tofu makes me get higher?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. If we did turn into Jimmy Kimmel, our lives would be great. Yeah, sure, of course. I'm just saying in terms of... If we chose that. I'm just not going to cry in front of you. Oh, no. As a listener, I want you to laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cry alone. Yeah, oh yeah. Or in front of my wife. No, man, I don't even cry in front. The only person I cry in front of is my personal banker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No, is that soy products will help you from getting that reaction to weed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
This is what you're talking about. Yes, cannabinoid hyperemia syndrome, the thing where people start vomiting when they smoke weed. Sometimes I'll start sneezing if I smoke too much weed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's Google Labs. Google says no, but who knows? Google Labs. Yeah, Google doesn't really know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it might be. Actually, I might have just, I probably just overheard that at a bus stop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Why don't you live every day to figure out a way to make tofu in a way you like it? And then you can eat tofu and you can love it. And then when you're loving the tofu, you can laugh your way to the bank because what you're doing is saving yourself some issues because you found a good meat alternative that doesn't raise your cholesterol.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you pulverize tofu? Mm-hmm. How do I give tofu more flavor? You have to marinate it. Mm-hmm. You have to marinate it, and also, you know what's also really good? Unfortunately? What? What I like to do is I like to cut up my tofu into little cubes. I give it a little sprinkle of cornstarch, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I put butter and a little oil in the pan, and then what I like to do is cook it on that with a little salt and a little pepper. You put butter in there? Yes, and then also what I do is shave a fucking, I put lime zest. Lime zest? Yes. Ugh. You're wrong. I'm telling you, it's good. I don't like the lemon zest, the lime zest. It's extremely good. Lemon zest and lime zest, you just don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's very good. It adds that citrus kick without adding water, so it doesn't dilute what you're making.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Are we both talking to RFK Jr.? But he's pretending to be like a sexy lady on the internet?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which can manifest an open wound if exposed to sunlight after coming in contact with the lime juice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah, you look disgusting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Wow, I forgot Walensky worked with me at Borders. Yeah. Wow, what a small fucking, I don't remember anything. No, I remember everything, except for what I'm supposed to remember. Okay. I can't remember you. I can't bother you. And that's what's the most beautiful thing about dementia. Who are you? I couldn't care less who I am. It's been quite an episode of Side Stories, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And titties. Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the left. Give us money. Watch us perform. We're on there. Get ad-free episodes. Pretty good. Go to social media at LP on the left. Thank you, President Trump, for bringing back our Chinese propaganda machine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, she takes it out of your wallet and puts it back. And then you can put it back in your wallet and you're just like, it's nice. Yeah, because you cry when you lose money. No, that's the thing. But then you can cry. You stop crying when you make money. Now...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And nothing I love better than that app that makes every person in my life scared for no reason. Thank you, TikTok. Totally worth the advertising opportunities. Go and check it out out there. And go to twitch.tv slash LPNTV, where we will still be doing a lot of commentary about whatever we want for the rest of our fucking lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
She's our Helen Mirren. Yeah. Yeah. And then go to lastpodcastontheleft.com to check out all of our live dates because we're really good at it. And we're going to see you out there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It literally is a... I do think that it is an extremely attractive town. The one time I went there, I was like, everyone here is hot. Yeah, like the Publix. People work at Publix are kind of hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's great. Oh, yes, we think of Publix. Yep. Fuck yeah. Yeah, dude. I'll take you to my Publix in Atlanta. You own a Publix? No. But there's one I claim.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's how often I've been there. All right. All right, hail sweet Satan, everyone. And hail... David Lynch. Lindsay Tookus. Oh, that's nice. Oh, you made fun of her name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
A lot of news happened this week. Yeah, what happened this week? Were you involved in anything? Let's say, okay, I'm having a ridiculous week. It has been... So obviously there was big news. On side stories today, I will say this is a vaguely light news week because apparently there was a presidential inauguration that happened. So it sucked the news cycle all the way up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I can't buy that. So thank you. It really meant a lot to me to honestly, now that I've processed it and talked with my family and all this kind of shit, it was like, It is wild that I got to be a part of the 50th anniversary, whether I liked it or not. Yeah. And it's amazing. It's fucking crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You'd be surprised how many places I snuck my way into without getting permission.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
She's a beautiful lady. She does her job. And then, honestly, so thank you, guys. And thank you to everybody who's awesome. Right, you fuckers? Bye! Goodbye.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But in the middle of that... I'm sitting in the airport in Detroit. A brand new documentary. Now, I had no idea. I had no idea that this was happening. I get one text that was like, oh, my God, Henry, I'm watching you naked. And I was just like, where's my money? Yeah. But you're like, I was like, what are you talking about? Because, well, obviously, I was like, well, technically, I've been nude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yes. Netflix, the characters, I'm nude. Yes. And YouTube, I'm nude. And now? Piss penis. Piss penis. But just peacock. Yes, peacock. Piss penis. So I found out in the most hilarious, like I just can't even believe my life, that I was featured as the number one refused audition for SNL. They said this thing about how they went over about outrageous auditions or whatever, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And then a producer for Saturday Night Live, Lindsay Shookus, presented my audition out of nowhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But in real life, she's fine, right? She's fine. And so we, a lot of people ask me questions. All of a sudden, my inbox explodes with my audition was put into the 50th anniversary documentary series that charts how the show gets made.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's really crazy. Okay, the reason why it's crazy is because all the pickups, right? I got Time Magazine likes. You see what they said? Oh, yeah, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The only thing I would take umbrage with the coverage of my audition in the documentary series.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
exactly exactly but the only reason why i took any at first i was like oh my god but it mostly was just because it felt like they introduced my audition and then it sounded like i just died right like that i never did anything ever again they really made it seem like you were just like a forgotten human being and i am but i also still act and i still perform i'm here right i am still here no matter what anybody says and it's but it's i
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now I've, like, kind of absorbed it all, and I am just so tickled that this fucking happened. Yeah. There's a lot of fucking coverage, and I had a lot of people ask me if I wanted to, like, you know, we were doing things. I asked, like, should I talk about this and my process, and I figure I could for a couple minutes. Yeah. Right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because the only thing I really want to talk about is even how I got into the place of having an audition for Saturday Night Live. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No. So, the long story is... How do I do this shortly and succinctly? The people want to know!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because normally on the show, we have content to talk about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So now this is me talking about this thing that happened to me. It's wild. I've never experienced this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
This is a new show. So Saturday Night Live. in order to get anywhere involved inside of the systems of Saturday Night Live. So, like, maybe just an example is that the night I audition, they audition you at night. And I'm certain they went over this in the documentary. And the audition process has been gone over a bunch. Maybe you've talked about what it's like to go through.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's purposely very harrowing. With this, one thing that Lindsay shook us sort of, the way that kind of puts it, kind of, how do you, it kind of removes the context of the writers are told to not react. Yeah. They are. They purposely don't react. That's the whole point. Right. Is that they want to see you cold.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Obviously, there's political stuff inside of these rooms where you could see if some, you know, of a faction of writers might be buddies with somebody or know somebody or want to be somebody. They might throw in a couple of laughs just to kind of pump them up. But it's political. The goal is to be like, impress me cold. It's live. Do it. So, yeah, it's like a doctor's office.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
it is very it's very intense and at the time i thought i did well your clothes off yes i had to so i but honestly i well i will say is i made the sound guy laugh which is how i knew i'd got something somewhere yeah and then i was also i was on hold for the entire year you remember that year no it was insane because i remember when you actually did the audition holden ken and i were at like a bar waiting for you to get done like it was good fellas yes it was waiting for you to
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I was very, very young. I was very green. And so for Saturday Night Live to get on their radar, you normally have to work at some established comedy theater. That's a way it goes about. They don't pick random motherfuckers. Not necessarily, but it's a lot of places they have history. So obviously Second City in Chicago, in Toronto, there's Groundlings in L.A.,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Now, especially in more modern times, when I started really getting into it, it was like UCB became a fast way in because of the Amy Poehler, Tina Fey connections. But they would also kind of go around, and they'd scout. They would pick up some stand-ups. When they wanted stand-ups, they'd go look for stand-ups. It's really depending on what they're looking for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And at the time, Saturday Night Live, not to be surprising, was looking for a white man. And so I was one of them, right? This is the truth. So I was one of these people. Were you the fattest, at least? Of course. Thank God. Who's going to do that? Who's going to take that from me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But I went... So, one way to get in is to potentially work for somebody that works for Saturday Night Live ahead of time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And so, I mean this. I was very young. It was 2010. January 2010. And I was on my maybe third... pilot audition ever for a show called beach lane that was written by paul sims who did news radio and it was going to be the return of matthew broderick it was to be matthew broderick was coming to television that was like the whole thing it was kristen johnson from third rock from the sun Nick Thune.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Nick Thune, Amy Garcia, these great actors. Nick Thune was great. All these guys were great. And it was this, it was the pilot of the year because it was produced by Lorne Michaels and Marcy Klein, Broadway Video. And we had no idea what this was going to be. So it was a network pilot. And I mean this, this is the, this has never happened since.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Besides my audition for Wolf of Wall Street, where those are the, both of the easiest auditions I've ever had was that Beach Lane audition and Wolf of Wall Street.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
crazy both were just easy i don't know why but that one i remember walking in there it was raining and i was a mess i was disgusting it was the middle of winter i came in i was all wet i was all discombobulated the audition was only five lines long i walked into the the room and for some reason me and the writer clicked me and paul sends me click because i did a thing where i was like there you are peter i was going to i was doing a bit with him i forgot what happened yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
For some reason, they hired me almost on the spot. They went and they took my tape and they tested my tape, which is a thing that doesn't normally happen in networks. And my tape went through a whole process without me having to deal with it. And it was, I got this amazing part.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And I think what happened was that I was so young and dumb and naive because most show business people, you got to understand, people that you know that are famous, they've been acting since they're fucking three. Yeah, they've all been in L.A., they've been in New York, they've been doing things. I'm arriving for the first time into quote-unquote show business at 25, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which is actually kind of old. Which is funny, right? It's old to join show business. And so I... Get this part. And because I had no idea what in the living fuck I was doing, I really think it helped me to crush it. So what you don't know is that in these scenarios, especially these network sitcoms, very, very high level, a lot of money is being dumped into this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They retrofitted an entire studio inside of the Pennsylvania Hotel in New York City. They made a studio for it. They built it. It was crazy. And so much money. You don't understand that every minute you're being watched and every minute you're being judged and they're ready to fire your fucking ass the second that you don't fit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
And I at first didn't think that that was real until I watched the original lead of the show get fired that day, who was much more famous than me and much more famous than Nick Thune, who replaced him. He was a famous comedian. I don't want to name him. Yeah. But he got fired from that show who was like the after the first read through. And so you're like... So wild.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But at first, you just don't understand. You're like, oh, shit. Oh, you can get fired at any time. Yeah. For what seems like nothing. And nothing. Just being the improper fit. So... But the thing is that it didn't phase me yet, so I didn't fully grasp that. So to be honest, I did extremely well. I did really well during all of the various levels of the readings. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I went in front of a live studio audience, and I felt at home. I was in front... It felt like doing Murderfest. I was just doing...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
essentially live comedy in a taped area and i clicked there was like a thing where i was like you know that you were like wow i can really do this like network television something i think i can do i have the the timing for it and you ended up doing network television multiple times i did but the producer of that i had the one most dramatic nights of my life was after the shoot of that
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Actually, that's some really good cardio because what's nice is, you know what's funny? Just seeing you do that kind of reminds me of a silly little goose. Doing silly little goose steps. Welcome to Side Stories. Hello! My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with my best friend, Ed Larson. That's right. How you doing, buddy? And we are obviously parodying a bit of what's going on here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We went upstairs. So we were all hanging out. And what's fun about show business is that they're secret places. So I get invited up to a secret area where we could smoke inside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's just how it was. And one of the executive producers looked at me and said, how would you like to be on Saturday Night Live? And I was like... You know, it's a dream. No, I don't want it. Fuck you. But now I know that's truly powerful. Yeah. Saying no is powerful, ladies and gentlemen. And you have to remember sometimes because it can make everything else turn around. You never know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
From the boogie-down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish-Italian java, last podcast on the left, and Spring Hill Jack coffee rising from the rubble with a new brew on. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Nothing to do with any moth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a Butterfly Dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
The really good song. There's a dance in the parking lot. Ease on down, ease on down the road. We're going to ease on down, ease on down the road. I can definitely see Ziz doing that. Ziz.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Hey, how you doing? It's me. I'm the Ziz. The Ziz has been caught. We did not know that the Ziz could be caught, but the Ziz is contained. Jack Lasoda, the dead name of Ziz, has been arrested finally. Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We're going to drain this. We're going to drain this fucking content, Gulch. So here we go. This is the cult. So we've been covering this over the last couple of weeks, this group. They call themselves the Zizians, it seems like. It is a group of somehow connected young students that are either in the biomechanical, biomedical sphere, slash computer programming, and then also in the world of AI.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They have formed this sort of death cult, in which the majority of the members are trans, and they don't believe in private property. They also believe in this concept of Roko's Basilisk, this idea that they are going to help AI take over and work with AI, because they believe that once AI becomes sentient and becomes our overlords, they will go back in time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They will be peaceful and filled with wisdom, but they will go back in time and destroy anybody that was ever against them. AI. And so Ziz wants to get ahead of that by joining forces with the AI. But again, we talked about this last week. If we listen to some of our tech leaders, I think AI is a bit off. Yes. I think we got some time before we're going to get there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. I didn't know that. She's from Brestington. Chessington. Oh, I'm sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But now, so Jack sort of finally got arrested. 33 years old. They've been charged with trespass, having a gun in a vehicle and obstructing and hindering all misdemeanors. Now, this is in Allegheny. So this is down. Oh, this is Pittsburgh. Yeah. Well, Western Maryland is now Western Maryland. They're in Maryland. And so now they're all in jail. And here's the list of the crew we got.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Here is the fucking this group of fucking absolutely no bail. No bail. Because now they're trying to figure out what to do with them. This is the people that have been arrested since 2019. We have Jack LaSota, Alexander Lethem, Emma Barhonian, and Gwen Danielson, Maximilian Snyder, and Teresa Youngblood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They have all been involved in, so far, a murder of a landlord, which is why we're all like, it's sad for us. Yeah. Murder of a border agent? Yes. We have the murder of two separate parents, and it looks like the murder of two other people as well that were connected to the families of these people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm referring to the fake Texan Kelly Riley.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Ziz has been ordering them to break away from their families, do this thing called non-hemispheric sleep or one hemispheric sleep where they let one side of their brain sleep and let the other side of their brain sleep, and they believe they can split into two different personalities. It's gobbledygook. We went through their manifesto. It's absolute horseshit. They're wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That was on Yellowstone. Yes, she's a Montanan. Montanan, yes. I'm just... She's a Dutton. I'm a fan, and she has been telepathically telling me... Cute as a Dutton. She has been telling me through the internet that she's in love with me, and that unfortunately I have to come and kill her husband. Yeah. But that's something else that's a whole other side story that's not on side stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And honestly, I think if the AI was real, he wouldn't choose you, Ziz. I think that unironically, he would choose me. Yeah. So I'm sorry, Ziz. They're going to come for somebody. I think that we're going to be the hardest ones to channel. I don't think that the AI is going to have problems with deeming people working on programming and biomechanical engineering and all that stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think the AI is going to have that handled. I think the AI is going to need comedians.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You don't, but I will say. I personally don't use it. Again, I tried because I was like, I went through the whole thing. You have to reread the email after you have it right. Because once you write the email and then you have ChatGBT go through all the shit, whatever, kind of fix it or whatever, they're always wrong. ChatGBT's an idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, okay. But Grammarly's different than ChatGPT. Grammarly is one of the most intuitive, credible sentence building programs that you can have. And I couldn't move if I didn't have Grammarly. I would be so paralyzed, I probably would commit suicide. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Obviously, now we're going to find out what's going to go on. I imagine that Ziz is going to—the Ziz—is going to talk a lot from jail. I think that they're going to use this opportunity to really broadcast their message. And we're going to see how that works.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because the problem, again, which I'll always say, is that if they're there, right, they're using this very complicated barrier to entry, using this kind of— absolutely nonsensical manifesto and a mishmash of different philosophical ideas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But you know why I also don't believe them, that they really work for the AI, is that, oddly enough, I think that I'd expect them to be dumpier. I kind of expected them to be what you're saying, which is like, if you're a real AI-led cult, this is how you've led the cult. It's like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's what a true AI-led cult would be. But we're going to find out exactly more. They're probably going to try to explain more what their rationalist movement is and what rationalism is. And in that moment, they'll put us all so thoroughly to sleep. We'll finally get rest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I did want to show you this. What is this? This is from Brazilian Wax Museum. Is that supposed to be Pope Francis? This is Pope Francis. That does not look like Pope Francis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's a Middle Eastern man. Is he? Whose mustache does not connect to his goatee.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
He looks nothing like me, you piece of shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes, but you know what's funny about it? He looks like that now. Really? Have you seen the pictures of him now? He evolved into this? Well, he's got like bloated dying face because the Pope's dying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They put too much sugar in the yams, though, sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
This is too much sugar in the yams. You can see it's too much caramelization. It's the only thing I'll push back on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
See, still, I mean, I have had steak. It's just, it's weird. That big? No. But I don't know if all the snake meat is different. I bet it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
He's got a raccoon hat. He's got a raccoon shirt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm a full meat pervert. I'm a food pervert. I'm totally fine to eat whatever this kind of stuff. I'm not even really. I do love piggies. I do like pigs, but it's like I will eat anything. I will eat raccoon. I have no issues with eating this raccoon. I think that I do wish they debone it a bit. I think that if you took it off the bone, I'd like it a little bit more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, when's the last time you had goat? I like goat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, he's not. He's lying. No. He's fucking lying, Eddie. No. He walked it all back. He's a fucking liar. He's a little-headed, elf-in-shoes piece of shit. So does he not like gay people? No. He's a fucking piece of shit. He walked it all back. Fuck him. I can't wait to see him. Pope Francis doesn't like gay people? No, Pope Francis can fucking suck a dick, but he wouldn't because he's afraid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I am afraid. But no, I've had goat, but there's, why is goat different to me because it's bigger and it's got four legs where there's something about a raccoon, it's the size of carmy. I just hate that they're eating raccoon that's not really seasoned. Well, they're just sucking on the spine. Why is he sucking on the spine like that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, you know what's funny is that, yeah, it's just the man behind it. Because I've done this. Remember with the, who, where we go? Brooklyn Star where they serve the pigtails? Yeah, those are so good. Little piggy chicken wings. And they were like pig chicken wings. They were the pig's actual tails. And you just suck all the meat out of little rings. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
See, actually, I'm kind of getting turned on now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Between Travis, your wife, who's a big, this is like, does your wife never eat?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, you wouldn't. I wouldn't eat it. This is the thing is that an oyster, a lot of times it's like it'll either be farmed or it'll be in a specific part of the world. It is oyster areas. So it is cleaner for the oyster. These are quote unquote free range raccoons are just the raccoons you see in the street of Danville, Ohio.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's just a raccoon. There's no caged raised cat raccoon. There's no farm-raised raccoon. There is only free-range raccoon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And I've heard bear meat is not particularly very good either. Well, we'd have to talk to our boy who's smoking it down in New Orleans. We actually, I was curious about bear meat once, and I got a lot of messages talking about bear meat, and it's very greasy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
years I'd like to now I am I don't want to be in that room with this man the man that is in the picture of this I don't want to be with him there's a lot of MAGA hats in the room too oh no it is definitely a comfort this is a very this is a safe space for MAGA yeah I don't want to I don't want to be in that room but I would eat that raccoon yeah one of the cooks Sandy Crow said I was asked if I wanted to make four pies for the dinner or if I wanted to cook raccoon so I started cooking raccoon because I don't like to make pies
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
What I prefer is the hunting down of a trash animal. I like to go out there myself. I take some tuna and I put it in a can on a string and I bring a hammer. And I entice him with a hammer, and then I hit him in the head. I hit him in the head with the hammer, and I hit him, and I smashed their brains.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Exactly. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Black pepper, you want to have, I would say, coriander might be good in there, some cumin, chili powder, mix it all together in a rub. You're going to want to brine it, you're going to want to rub it, and you're going to want to braise it. Then you brown it, then you braise that shit with some nice, you see, then I feel like we're in a territory that I'm in. Because this sounds good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You could throw some okra in there. You could throw corn and stuff in there. Oh, there's corn. And then you slap that shit in a big old bucket and you let that rock for four hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, we'll eat that shit in a second. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. But these guys are fucking morons. They're just boiling raccoon with onions. You're just killing and essentially burning them at the stake. You're just like killing raccoons. It's very sad. It's very, very sad. Is it sad? The way they catch them is sad. How do they catch them?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They just let dogs chase them and they corner them and then they just basically eat them alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's how they do it, yeah. Can I say though? It's not fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Guys, that's fun for the dogs. So somebody's having fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Okay, it's fun for the dogs, the raccoons, they don't know what's going on, because it does seem to sort of be like one of those Night of the Long Knives that happened to the Jewish people during the rise of the Nazis, where all of these raccoons are just hanging out one day, just wondering, acting like everything's fine, and the next day, all of a sudden, it's culling season, because we've got to kill 179 of you to feed Randy's fat ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And he has no idea. And then all of a sudden you got the fucking SS showing up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm down for animals raised for food that are used as food and treated well to be. But isn't it better to go hunt for your food? Yes. But those animals, you know what you're eating. Raccoons eat liquid shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's what I'm saying. I would prefer to have a raccoon be in a place where we know what it's eating. And then you could fill it with all sorts of stuff. And then eventually you could start feeding it butter and spices. And you could fatten up its little organs. And then we could make some raccoon pate, which I've never seen. Oh, God, Rob. Oh, it's this little face. It looks like carny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, Rob, it looks like fucking Wendy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because, again, we're cosplaying what poor people had to eat. We're eating it for fun because they had to eat it. Now we're eating it because we've decided it's fun. And then these guys like it even better because it harkens back to a time period in which black people couldn't vote.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Hey, you know, and that's the last time anyone in Ohio has ever been open-minded.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We were bringing it up before. It was an off-mic moment. I was expressing my admiration for Kelly Riley as a performer. Oh, yeah? What movies has she been in? There was one movie I saw in my dreams where she was the female captain of a ship and I was the first mate. And I had to go in there and I said, let's put the mate in the first mate. She was just like, leave me alone, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And the raccoons are like, what in the living fuck is happening? This went from Shangri-La to Auschwitz. Yeah. This was our home. This is our place, and now we are hunted for our flesh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They love it. You know what I'll say is, in the name of the Ziz, in the name of a lot of people going on, we need more awareness and stuff. I feel like what we should do is, let's flip the script. Let's get LGBTQ raccoon boil. Yeah. That's what we need to equalize the forces here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
If you guys really want to really play games here in the United States of America, if you want to be a part of the big team, right, you've got to start going to the people. And I think that if we get the LGBT crowd to get into eating raccoon... We take it from them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, because I feel like it's some guy who shows up and you're like, oh, you guys are cooking raccoon? Yeah, just so excited about it. My God. Well, you know, again, I feel that there's nothing wrong with eating raccoon. There's a lot of people that do it. It probably speaks a lot to your demographic as a human being, which I say let's flip it for them. More spices, though. Yeah. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because, yeah, she'd like to make pies. I cook raccoon for probably 30 years. Yeah, that's right. Well, at least it's not the Danville Lions Club, but at least it's not the Danville Raccoons Club.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
All right, so we have a couple of stories about consequences. Oh, nice. Now, this one I just think is obviously this is a tragedy and this is a crime. And there's nothing funny about this story. All right, I'll try not to laugh. There's nothing funny about it and I refuse to let you laugh. Okay. Or me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Now, Louisville is a fun town. No, there's nothing funny about it. Nothing funny about it. Louisville. They're facing the man. He's a business owner. He's facing several charges after allegedly kidnapping and beating a shoplifter who stole vape pens. Okay. This is in the Algonquin neighborhood of Louisville. Now, I don't think shoplifting is that big of a crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think that obviously comes from a lot of systemic issues. Yes. And it's just money. It's just goods. A lot of it is. Unless it's a small shop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It is, but it's vapes, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the owner of the vape store, Kashumakar Patel, he was in court this week because, so he saw this guy, this guy took a box of vapes out of the store without paying for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So the man ran away on foot, and Patel and several others of his staff gave chase. When they caught up to him, this is where it kind of went crazy. So, you know, as a retail person, when I worked in retail, we were told to go try to stop him. We never did. And I will also say, if you currently work in retail, and you all know, you all know this already. You let him go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, as he should have, because also, it's food. And most of the time, they're stealing it because they're hungry. And so, this guy... Because these are vapes, right? They're optional. So they caught up to the thief, and Patel and his associates, they jumped out of the van, and they pepper sprayed the victim in the face. Now, that's already a lot, right? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But then the guy started crawling away. And they were like, no, you're not going to crawl away. So they all started group stomping him, right? So they all started group stomping him. It was real bad, right? It was bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, not in Louisville. Yeah. And then it's really the final disgracement is the thing, which I've never seen someone do, and I've never heard of this before. They kept going.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So what they did was that they held the man down, and then Patel, the owner of the store, pulled the man's pants down and underwear, took the pepper spray, spread the man's butt cheeks, and sprayed the pepper spray into his anus. Right in the middle of Louisville streets? Right fucking in the strike zone. Louisville strike zone. Right? And it was bad. Of course. They pulled him into a van.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Even in my dreams I was rejected. But I have a beautiful wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They took him to a garage where they beat him. Whoa. With a piece of wood. They kept going? Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
A box. One box of vapes. I'm going to guess that one box is 12. Maybe. Court records say the victim was then put back in the van and then driven to the 1500 block of Lee Street where he was dropped off like Bang Bros. The victim called his mother to pick him up, which is the saddest of all. He said he had to then call his mom to come get him. And then he was all fucked up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And hot tush is one of the hardest. Honestly, it is such a...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
pandemic in this country yeah because of how many people that believe that you can actually make your hands warmer by spraying your booty hole with pepper spray i brought my perennially cold hands i have very cold hands i can't believe that this is the story out of louisville after they had that horrible flood this week like 11 people died and this is went right to the top of the news cycle
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Top of the news cycle, just happened. Came out, yeah, so this is guy, he's out there. I just think the idea of like, because now he's being held. He's being held with complicity for kidnapping, assault, wanton endangerment. He's $75,000. He did make his bond at $75,000. He sells vapes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I guess that's just what it is. It's like, nothing is worth this. This consequence, he went, obviously, I think... He overreacted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And that's what he created. There's nothing funny about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But I do think that the man, I mean, everyone's learned that they definitely dropped the shoplifting charges. Oh, they did? So he's not getting charged for shoplifting? No, no, no. Not after you get your booty hole pepper served. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're like, yeah, I think this is enough. You know what I would do if I was a police officer? I'd make him smoke the whole box.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes, but also it's like to me, and I've said this to her before, nothing would make me happier for her to go out on a mission and kill this woman. Really? Only just because I would find it incredibly hot. Them fighting each other. Oh, yeah. And then her subsequent beating Kelly Riley. Really? Only because it would be fun to watch. Well, how do you know she'd win?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's what I would do, just like they did back in the day. Oh, oh, you want to steal vapes?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Where Natalie's grandmother is in Michigan, that Walmart is the center of their life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It is where everybody is. There is the Walmart. There's a McDonald's and Taco Bell. Yeah. There's a one hotel and there is a CVS. But that Walmart is where everyone goes. It is extremely necessary to that town, sadly. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We already know they're making corporate nations. That is going to be the next steps. Just understand that. It's going to be Walmart-nation. You're going to be able to go choose which corporation you want to live in. It is going to happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think that that is sensible. Yeah. I think shoplifting is, again, what we said before, it's a systemic crime. Most of the time, it is because people are hungry and broke, except when it's like they're stealing out of the Louis Vuitton store or whatever. That's something else, but... Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
employees at walmart they've started testing this out are gonna are gonna start wearing body cams because they get beat up so much by the by the clientele was because also people go there as a designated third space like people go there to go hang out yeah connect do things that don't quote unquote cost money even though it's a private corporation it's a store and so what happens is that it does invite people that have nowhere else to go especially when you're open 24 hours yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So these people that work at Walmart end up being like police officers slash mental health associates and selling you panties. Yeah. I wish they'd sell me panties. I was cut off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because Kelly Riley has no training and she doesn't know what's coming. She doesn't have training.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Costco is good. Do you go to Costco? I go sometimes because Jackie's got a membership. Oh, okay. So I'll piggyback with her and I'll go. But largely I don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You know what's nice? It's the paper towels.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
See, I hate the rainforest. Oh, well, then you should get bounty. That's a part of what I've been doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Normally what I do is I buy two things of bounty just to throw one out, and then I go outside and I chop a tree down. Just because I hate them because I'm jealous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, thank you, precious Walmart. Thank you for your gifts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Sort of. I wonder what the Diamond Lounge is going to be like at the Amex private prisons. Do you think that if I get to Diamond, that I'll be able to be, like, I get extra rec time? I think you get a sushi. Yeah, I get sushi.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm saying these are my, this is my, what I think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, yeah. Someone offers us, you're forced to eat the fresh sushi from the guy that they flew in from Japan, who looks confused.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think that it's also just fucking something about not putting people in jail because what do we know? On low-level crimes, this is just across the board.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
What is this? Oh, Google AI, fuck you. Yes, Kelly Riley can fight. As she's demonstrated in her role as Beth Dutton on the show Yellowstone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I hope I'm saying your name right. I mean, God knows what else this guy's going to do, but he made one good decision. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The judge said that he's also going to go out there and wash cars with them. Now, when does it turn into a sexual assault thing? When does it eventually become he shows up in a Speedo? When does he show his penis at a bunch of men?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes, I do remember American Beauty. Do you remember how inspirational American Beauty was? The idea of this man finally finding his joy again because it was all about him having sex with a 17-year-old? Well, that and weed. You're right. And that, sadly, was the...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, getting his fucking ding dong, fucking man. Almost got pierced by the space. You got to be careful out there. Got to keep your head swiveled. You got to keep your head in a swivel on Hollywood, and you got to let these guys know it is an exit hole. Unless, of course, it is an entrance hole, and then you give them the green light. But you got to give them the green light.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's the only way to do it. Yeah, yeah, Kevin Spacey's in. He's in a lot of... He's really sad. He's in a lot of debt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Speaking of great news, asteroid headed towards Earth. Yes! It is currently up to 3.1%. Let's blow it up! It has increased three times since its discovery. It has went from 1% to 2% to 3%, possible hitting us. And what is interesting, which I found really interesting about this story, is the fact that Number one, they can already tell where it might land if it does hit. Really? It's awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
How does that even make sense? The way it works is that it'll come on a lateral. It'll come on some line. right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So it's about where, like, imagine, so the Earth's a goal, I guess, I think that, obviously I'm wrong, sidestorieslpotl.gmail.com, but the way it seems to work is they can sort of know what plane it's on, but they don't know how far it's going to arc towards us, but they can know that it's going to go in this one area of where we're at.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I like this. Although the fight scenes may look real and bloody, the actors must stay in the mindset of being ferocious. Which can be exhausting. Thanks, Google AI. All right. So besides my, I guess, a warning to Kelly Riley, just warn her. Just tell her I mean no harm. Tell her we want her on the show. Ask her if she knows anything about aliens or flat Earth. We talked about this earlier today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So if it hits us, if they're saying it's going to hit us somewhere in the equator, somewhere in the Indian Ocean, which is interesting. Oh, I also don't know if they're just lying to us to just make us feel better. Just tell us it's in the middle. Well, I mean, what? It's a three and four chance that it hits the ocean. Yes, and it's a city killer, but it's not a world ender.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They're saying that it would be the equivalent of something like 50 megatons, 50 times the first atomic bomb. Okay. But if it's in the middle of the ocean, we won't
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
experience it but like indonesia would be fucked in australia there might be some there might be some tsunamis yeah tsunami activity earthquake activity yeah but and but what i'd like to know this is like one of those fun debate points for our audience sidestories lpotl at gmail.com is that the address
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Actually, sometimes I forget, you know, when you do something again and again and again, you ever like go to hang out with somebody that you've known for like multiple decades and then you like Jerry, right? Yeah. And then you momentarily forget their name as you're going to fucking introduce them. That's like an, that's like an anxiety thing that happens to me sometimes. Um, but I'd like to know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Would you like to know the day that you die? Like, would you like to know, like, the date? If it's going to hit, and let's say it was going to end the world. Yeah. Do you want to know the date, or would you rather be suppressed?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Like, you'd rather a collective... If that makes any sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because the thing about science, too, is that they're right, and they do their best to be correct, and they're constantly changing. That's the idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's going to slide in the fucking that guy's asshole. When is this supposed to happen? When will this come? I think it's nine years. Nine years? Pretty close. Nine years? Yeah, 2032. Seven years. And so... But I wonder because remember they had those. There's like an AI now that can apparently tabulate the day that you will die. Oh, really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Using a bunch of like, you can give it a bunch of things. You can give it a bunch of parameters and it'll give you like a day that you'll die. But just like that and just like this, they could be entirely wrong. Of course they would be wrong. The only thing I'm afraid of is the thing of you find out the death day and then you do the thing where you're like,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Honey, I'm starting to learn the oboe and I can't do it with you here. I need full attention on the oboe. You know what I mean? Like this is when you're going to end up trying. You're going to ruin your family. And then what happens if then the comment doesn't come?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a Butterfly Dude Roast. This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious, and not just the same beans. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And I mean, like, this is going to sound really unpopular to a lot of people, but I think, and this is just between me and Eddie here for a second, that's why we don't tell some of these people. Yes. So what we do is, we don't, no, Rob, you didn't hear that. We don't tell some of the people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, and he just picks him up. Yeah, he's like, I'm just getting off of work. You know, being like, dude, we're all going to die soon. Yeah. And he's just like, you will not make me go uptown. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That would be great. Honestly, if I could get two of those in there, we can have her on the show. But we got big updates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because you reminded me of something. Yeah. Let's just not tell Bruce Willis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
How lost will he get trying to find the... I'm afraid if we tell Bruce Willis, he's going to blow up the moon instead. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Demi Moore comes in and she's like, let's just get him a drill and we'll put him on a sound stage. Listen, we'll just, let's just get him. Let's think he's doing it. He really, someone get him his harmonica. Can someone get Bruce his harmonica? He thinks he's on stage again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, yes. Bruce, let's leave Bruce out of this. Leave him alone. But you know who we're sending?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Lots of stuff. One of the biggest updates is... Do we have the Polish National Anthem?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
This all happened during the juicy couture days? No! I gotta get out of here. Well, yeah, just so you know, I wonder, I want people to tell me what you think. I think there's a lot of people that have to... It'd be kind of cool, in a way, if there was like... This is the thing, is that the government wouldn't do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They just gave everybody free power and did the thing at the time period for like five days. You know, we're like, all right, we're just running the systems.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Lock the doors, yeah. Gas them, probably. Wow. Kill everybody in there. You think so? Yeah, they're going to do a lot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
In the end days, there's going to be a lot of bad stuff happening. Yeah, because there's going to be no consequences. And that's also why people are doing bad things currently because they think that what you do is that you spark the bad things to make the end times come. And the next series that we're doing is all about that. The idea of...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
If the world won't end, what if we start the signs of the world ending on our own?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Four billion years. And you know what they said? What I'll do is interesting. You only need, I believe they said it's 150 people to re-spark humankind. Sure. So let's get to choosing now. What are you talking about? It was just two, Henry. Adam and Eve. Adam and Steve.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We have to play it because... Is that Ding Dong the Witch's Dead? Yeah, I do believe. Roll out the barrel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
This is a perfect time for this segment. So, this is a perfect time. Let's get to man corner, yeah! Now, last week, we had two fucking bitches on the show. All right. Woo! We need fucking two dirty bitches on this show. We know who they are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Now available on The Last Podcast Network. They're the best. They're absolutely hilarious. Kara Klink and my sister, Jackie Zabrowski, they're on our new show, Who's the Bitch? What's your sister's name? It's Bitchy fucking McDumper. Sikuski's. Yeah. Get your fucking ass. But... What's funny here is that normally we get to talk abstractedly about women's bodies away from you. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And we get to make a bunch of funny, fake thoughts about it because we don't understand a lot about your biology. And it's not really anybody's fault but ours. It's just more fun to be wrong than right. It's just fun to be. It's fun to say things that make people upset. It's fun. That's our jobs, right? Yeah. But then we had two women on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
that then went ahead to say a bunch of stuff that made a bunch of ladies angry. But they're not scientists. But they're not scientists, no. No, they're just fucking women like the rest of you. So we have to say... Truth is, I don't know what's happening to my own personal body either. Couldn't care less. I don't know what's going on in the man's body. I don't care what's going on here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I got balls. But I will say this. We're going to say here at LPN, don't drink while pregnant. No. Even though Cara and Jackie both, I believe, advised it. But don't drink while pregnant because many doctors wrote in and said don't. Yes. Even a little bit. Apparently not. We don't know. But this is what doctors said.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So this is us as men getting an opportunity to tell two women that they were wrong. Fuck yeah. Yes. That's what I'm talking about. Right. Yeah. And this is the wildest factoid I got. Mm-hmm. One in 25,000 women. This is true. Oh, yeah. Very true. They can get pregnant in their ass. Yeah. You can get doody pregnant. You can get dookie dookie fucking faux shooty farty pregnant. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
One out of- Did you know that? Two. 25,000 women. They have a cloaca. Yeah, they got bird bodies. So some women are born without, this is completely real, Rob. This was sent to us. The look on your face shows you're like, you can't wait for the anticipatory emails that we're going to get. But I'm going to read this right now. Yeah. It is absolutely possible to get pregnant from anal sex.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We just want to say congratulations to the fatherland. As it turns out, Jack the Ripper is Polish.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I know this because it happened to a roommate of mine. We've all heard this fucking story. Is at a Baptist University in Oklahoma, early 2000s. My roommate was raised mostly out of the United States as one of many children in a missionary family. That religious community believed strongly in abstaining from sex until marriage. But she and her new boyfriend thought they found a loophole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Everybody does. When she started dating in our sophomore year, she came waddling in one day to our dorm and said she needed to talk. She then told me that they didn't want to sin by having vaginal intercourse, so they thought they would be safe if they had anal sex instead. You're correct. You're correct. Maybe. Not from SCDs or anything else, but you're correct. That was the right idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Nature's condom. Yes. Oh, yes. It's more like nature's collection basket. He goes right out, right? So she had mixed feelings about her first sexual encounter, but ultimately enjoyed it. Decided it was okay to continue to have exclusively anal sex. Now, that's a trooper. Now, about a month and a half later, she started panicking because she hadn't had her period on time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
She started taking pregnancy tests, and they came back positive. Naturally, she was freaked out, later recalling that, I was really wet and excited her first time. When he pulled out, he said he made a runny mess. All sperm need is to swim. It's a slick surface. And they will keep swimming for up to five days. But also, apparently, it can slide down there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But also, you could be born without the holes. Like, without the walls. And so the cum can come through your butt walls. Into your pussy cavern. It's only one way, though?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
According to womenshealth.com, we asked two women on the show last week, and they didn't know. And now we're left here sitting in the runny mess of their thoughts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Women did this to us, though. Women put us, two women we know, put us as men into this scenario, having to roll back misinformation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. It's when the rectum, vagina, urinary tract. They don't separate. They collaborate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Rich Kuklinski, I guess. Rich Kuklinski was a very good employee that loved his job. See, Jack the Ripper. Now, this has been contested for at least a decade. It's DNA evidence. But it's been contested. We are still waiting on the final publication of the peer-reviewed study of this DNA, but it's getting closer and closer every day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Absolutely. And also, what an amazing, amazing opportunity to call somebody a butt baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, yeah, because then the cum can't go through our assholes back into our balls. Yeah. Right? Like, you can't fuck me hard enough in the ass that your cum will shoot into my balls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think that we have to stop now because I think that that's as far as we know. I think that we're stupid. I think that when we brought women in here expecting them to be smarter, we found out that's not true. And I think that that's one of the nicest things that we could have done for men in terms of listening to this. We're trying to create a safe space for guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Out here to listen to us talk, right? It's a safe space for you guys, you boys. Huh?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, you want to read this because, again, this is a response to last week. Jackie was saying she wanted to either get butt implants or one of the Brazilian butt lifts, or she wanted a... She was talking about padded pants. And we had an argument kind of talking about, is it... How much damage does that lie do to our sexual encounters?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And I actually don't know because this lady actually makes an interesting point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's the difference. I'm just saying. Yeah. I'm just saying I want that big old butt. Yes. To play with. Yes, for sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm a red-blooded man. I would listen to the butt. I'd listen to the butt's thoughts and the butt's opinions and all the butt's dreams. Yes. And I'd spend time with the butt and treat the butt well and create a fucking safe environment for the butt. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Now, according to a historian, and I believe they call them ripperologists, which is what we were when we covered Jack the Ripper a million years ago. That's what we became. So you're a ripperologist. I was, but I'll always remember this was my favorite suspect back in the day. Okay. So this is, I'm so happy for him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think you're entirely correct. We're not talking about the men just feeling deceived, though. I think that you're right in terms of you're dressing for other women and you're dressing for yourself. Yeah. But I'm not talking about the anger over the deception. It's more just I want a big old butt. Yes. I want a big old floppy butt I can fucking have fun with and be around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I would never say you can't wear the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just having feelings about the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We are talking about this enormous, like a friendly idea, banter back and forth, not actual rage. Men who experience this actual rage, which is real, are extremely dangerous and bad for it and are mostly unfuckable. Yeah, that is the problem. And that's the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
A lot of these trad guys are going to get a really hard fucking awakening when they wake up and realize that just because you want a trad wife doesn't mean a trad wife wants you. Because it's a lot of work. Being a trad wife. You got to live every day thinking about your husband. Wondering what my husband wants. Wondering if he's going to get his raw milk today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And you have to love churning that raw milk for your butter. Every morning for your husband, you're going to make that fresh ass fucking fresh butter each morning. And then you're going to laugh as you put arsenic in that butter. And then you're going to serve it to him in a big pile, a big thing of toast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You're going to watch him as he fucking grips his belly and he falls over screaming in pain going, what happened? What happened? What happened? And you're going to smile.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And it writes itself. And then you get to go be a lesbian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. He is being funny. But we did receive many emails from young veterinarians saying that apparently, like, suicide's a big old thing within the veterinary community. They all feel, like, unloved. They got to deal with a lot of psychopaths that have unreasonable demands, which I totally understand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, it's not new. Russell Edwards is a historian slash ripperologist that has been saying that, so a piece of what I guess is old timey come old. was on a scarf of Catherine Eddowes, of one of the victims of Jack the Ripper. And this man has been, I guess, in this decades-long hunt to finally finalize this DNA testing, and apparently using a family member of the Polish barber Aaron Kosminski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
My vet now integrated it into their thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But also, I do understand that it costs a premium, and I do understand that pets cannot tell you their feelings. They can't tell you what hurts and what goes on. It's extremely difficult for them to figure it out. They've got to look at it. But they're also, you are looking at puppies' assholes all day.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Coming at a veterinarian for Eddie is coming at a group of people that you would think no one's attacking, so it's funny to attack them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You know, it's just funny. It is funny to attack a vulnerable thing. You have to understand that, guys. Is that when you're vulnerable, it's so fun to attack you. No, we are really trying not to punch you. We think you could take it because you're doctors and it's difficult. But thank you for your service, and we are listening. And that is our, what I'd call, our half rollback.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They got hours to live. Rambo is cognizant. He's tails wagging.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
God, why is he fine? Still alive. He's like, why is he perfectly fine? Him and Tootsie, blind. Fucking old. Do not loop Tootsie in with Bill Cosby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
People refuse to put him to sleep. Oh, Bill Cosby. Oh, his tour's coming up. Great. Oh, can we get tickets for that? There's a lot. There seems to be a lot available. He's got a comeback working on it. Oh, good for him. Wow. Anybody can come back. Wow. Oh, right. Oh, no. Foreclosure on his home. Yeah. Yeah, made me the money dried up. Well, guys, what an episode of Side Stories.
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Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to give us money to watch us talk. And then we got a lot of bullshit on there, obviously, a lot of shit. And you can go see when you give money. You can see our live stream live. You can join the chat. You can yell at us and scream at us. That is on Tuesdays at 6 p.m. PST. And then you go to last podcast left to buy tickets for our live show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
There is a match. They're saying that they... So now, but they still have to go away. They have to verify everything again. So it is still not... permanent. It is not yet the... Can I be an asshole real quick?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We have so many coming up and they are going to be wonderful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Honestly, if you're out there, that's going to be one of those that would be so... Like, I've never been to Huntsville. I have no idea what the fuck's in Huntsville. Please come out. Send us some recommendations. And, like, we're going to have a blast. We do a lot of crowd work. We have a lot of fun when we do the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I mean it, guys. The people, if you can afford it, come out to this fucking thing because it is going to be awesome. Hilarious. Yeah. We're going to have so much fun, and someone's going to die. Always.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They said that we could go do one of the crew's autopsies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They said that we could go in there. They do them. They have an autopsy tech on there. So we can go in there, and they said that we can go do it, and we can shoot the fucking, what is it, the stuff that you can see blood with? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
The only thing that it seems to attach to is the fact that Aaron Kaminsky Aaron Kaminsky being there at all would be massive. him because he's Polish. What's he doing there? Well, it's because of the way he has all the attributes. We think that he was mentally ill. He suffered from signs of schizophrenia. He said he had auditory and visual hallucinations. Like most of the people in my family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Of course, but that's just because they're super creative. And then Aaron Kosminski was a barber surgeon. So if anybody had any butcher, so he had all these skill sets to cut and divide, which is exactly happened to all of these. So it was a mixture of both surgical cuts and raw animalistic cuts on all of the victims. So a mixture of these two things kind of fighting inside of somebody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So he kind of and he had both. He then was locked up in an insane asylum in which he died. And when he was locked up, the Jack the Ripper crime stopped. Okay. And so that is the main why we think it's him. And now they're saying that we are one step closer to naming Aaron Kosminski as he will be Jack the Ripper. Eventually, Jack the Ripper will disappear and will only be Aaron Kosminski.
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Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But there are other, I looked up other Polish serial killers. There's really not many. No, there's George Chapman. There's a lot of laws after the first one. I mean, they're always killed. They're like, it's the problem is, is that I killed her. I did it. When you stab a bunch of tricks or you stab a bunch of Cheerios, you leave a lot of mess, right? I get it. You know what I'm saying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We're Polish. I love it. We're being dumb here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We're allowed. Josef Zarkuskis, which was the Zarkuskis family, was a family of Polish murderers, which honestly sounds great. But the most they did it for robbery. They murdered other families. Honestly, this sounds like an amazing story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. Kazimierz Polis. Polis, serial killer, pedophile, killed two young boys and an adult man. So not a gold star pedophile. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Judgment on you. And so it looks like if it all, you know, fingers crossed, if this all comes out, if the tests come out right. Jack the Ripper will be Polish, which is the biggest get that the Polish community has had since vegan kielbasa. Yeah, we haven't had it. Is there vegan kielbasa? Unfortunately, yes. But you know where it's really good? What the hell is the name of this restaurant?
Last Podcast On The Left
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The Vegans Place? Apteka. That's where you got to go. It's a vegan Polish place in Pittsburgh called Apteka. Really? It's amazing. Interesting. It's super delicious.
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And it's really fucking stupid. I don't know why they did it. But it's a big debt for Polish people.
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No, they are absolutely not. What do you mean they're not? They're not.
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the eggs sometimes in the dough for the for the the the the noodle that's right you got the fucking all the stuff in there like you know it's not necessarily vegan when you're cooking it you'd have to do it in a vegetable broth yeah because exactly and then the potato you got cheese in there they're not traditionally vegan and so i you know you know but it's good for us it's good for optics this is good for polish optics yeah yeah now that you know we've seen worse
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No, I'm saying the vegan Polish food is good for optics.
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Yes. I'm saying that, no, Jack the Ripper being Polish just isn't fun.
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They say healthy Polish food. Buddy, if you don't, and it's like, remember the Chris Farley commercial when they switched the coffee to the crystals? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think is going to happen in Pittsburgh? If you lie... to a yinzer about the food he just ate is vegan, he's going to fucking shoot you in the head.
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We are good. Good. Man, I am looking at this picture right now. For some reason, I went through this thing and I found a bunch of... Is it of Kelly Riley?
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If you met a Pittsburgh nurse. Especially in the fucking ER. Like the people coming through. My mother-in-law is a Pittsburgh nurse. And that Yin's accent is so strong. If you met a Pittsburgh nurse, you wouldn't understand her English. That's how thick her Pittsburgh accent is. It would be like you're in a foreign country. That is the rural heart of Pittsburgh.
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But this is like... Yeah, but Chicago accent's very rare. I feel like the Chicago accent I only even really hear from a big fat piece of shit.
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But not in a bad way. I don't even mean that as an... You stepped on my shoes. I don't mean that as an insult. Yeah, no, no, no. That's just the type of guy. It's just a fact.
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Well, I will say that not only Eddie... I'm so glad that Eddie told me he's into medical dramas. He also showed me another really sad fact, is that right before the show, we were talking about how cool we used to be and how much fun we used to have. Uh-huh. And... Eddie brought up the only way he's allowed to enjoy things with sugar now is that he has to get flavored kefir from the store. Yeah.
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And then he just puts a spoon of it in his mouth at night. Yeah. And he just lets it sit in his mouth.
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The calming is here for both of us. And to remember... Sometimes you need probiotics. Yes, you do. Yeah, just take them. Eat your keef. And sometimes... You have to trust the goat.
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And the goat, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Nah. Nah. Woody. Nah. Now I'm getting angry again.
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I kept it off mic. I hope you never meet her. No, I don't want to. You keep that seductress away from me in my home. I don't need this woman destroying my family, destroying my marriage.
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Yeah, we are. We are in Zizness, and Zizness is good. The Ziz. I'm going to start calling. That's what I wanted. That's it now.
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My favorite Wiz song is the... Who was the good one? The Wiz song?
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The unhemispheric sleep, though, which is part of what they do to sort of get these guys in tow, which is this weird of, like, trying to activate one hemisphere of your brain at a time, which is some kind of vague pseudoscience. And then the extreme veganism. Yeah. Which I think is... Just dirt. Just dirt. And sunlight. So, Zizians are stupid. Here comes another prosecutor. Add a Zizness!
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I'm trying, buddy. But I was in a spot. Yeah. Need a spot. No, no, sir. Yes, actually. But are you? I was I found myself lost in music. And is it like against protocol at the gym to be enjoying yourself, like kind of giving yourself a little dance? Men look so serious. Dancing is exercise.
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I'm a prosecutor in Delaware County, Pennsylvania, and about this time last year, Ziz came through our county in connection with a double homicide. We had no idea what we were getting into when this happened. Ziz, quote-unquote Jack Lasoda, was arrested and literally never spoke a word the whole time that they were in custody. They then made bail and fled the jurisdiction.
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Ziz had already faked their own death in California. We found out the ID from a DNA swab because they wouldn't even give a name. A few of us in the office started doing a deep dive and we got fucking deep. It's a wild ride with a whole lot of branches and characters. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have about Ziz or the cult. I've been a prosecutor for nearly a decade.
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I got to go back into this because they're talking about how they dealt with it. So Ziz is on the run. Oh, okay. So now we don't know where these people are. I know that they are going to kill other people. Maybe they're in Zizbabwe. I thought that they disbanded Zizbabwe. I thought Zizbabwe's throat was torn apart when the Bongo Congo rose.
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I thought the Bongo Congo was the fun version of the Congo that they tried to make. They had to abolish Bongo Congo. They also had to abolish Ziz Bamba.
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Zizbekistan. Thank you. Thank you, Rob. Thank you. That's why he's here. The fact checking.
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Thank you. And so that was like one of the... That is one of the updates. Those are basically the updates. Somebody also said to you, Joe, I got a great email about people. Someone was in a D and D group with a Zizian and they basically talked about, which I know from D and D it is the most fucking obnoxious shit on the face of the planet.
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When someone chooses the most obscure class to play that has a whole, a whole other set of rules. Um, Long-time listener, as the subject of this email says,
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This came to its peak when he was able to learn a spell that effectively let him clone himself when needed, which now seems in line with the cult's thought that humans can hold separate personalities by activating different hemispheres of their brain.
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He would constantly use it if able, which ended up with them bogarting playtime, effectively removing a lot of choice from the matter, as he would have every outcome solved as we encountered it.
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The second campaign, he played an artificer named Audair, later finding out that this was a name he went by on the internet, whose goal was to create essentially a new form of ubermensch in his image through crafting Warforged, which is the D&D equivalent of a robot with a soul that would seek to become a major force in the world.
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Men are so serious. You're moving your body. You're at the gym.
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Both characters had a running theme of ascending oneself to becoming a higher version, although essentially rejecting the laws of the world set before him. Little did we know this was the beginning of the transhumanist views espoused by the cult. Wow. This is really, this is the kind of stuff that nerds.
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I can't believe this guy went on a second campaign with him.
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Because the guy that stares at me, this is what he does. And I'm doing this act out. So go on Patreon to see the act out if you want to.
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Hey, you have any idea how hard it is to keep a crew together for D&D? Yeah. And if you just like, if he'll show up every Wednesday. You'll keep them. Like, literally, you will keep them. He read the article in the recent article I read about the cult that the guy said Maximilian Snyder called himself the best D&D 5E optimizer in the world.
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But we just saw him as a dick. After that last campaign, full of him constantly hogging the spotlight in game time, the group had become a little worn down. He continued his play pattern of disregarding other people's skills and talents until one day the problem solved itself as he said he had to leave the group because he was going to Oxford for school.
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We didn't hear from him after that, but in the wake of his departure, we gained two cool new players. And the group has been in excellent shape ever since. Oh, that's so nice. I'm glad you guys have fun. Oh, yeah. But isn't that amazing in that way that all of these ideas were all embedded in nerd culture to begin with, and they were just looking for a chance to release it?
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By the way, this is side stories. I'm Henry Zabrowski. You're sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? What's going on? Also, YouTube, you can watch it. But on, like, Thursday or Friday. So this guy that comes into the gym. I love L.A. gym creatures. They're some of my favorite people on the face of the planet. And there's a man that comes in. You're not much taller standing, by the way. No.
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And I do, again, I want to freaking shout out to our trans people. You got a death cult? Congrats. Yeah! And a lot of people, a lot of tradespeople try not to fucking claim them. They don't like them. But I'm sorry, but they're yours. And you don't get to claim them. Do you think I want to claim Anders Breivik?
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I have to. I'm a white, I'm a fortunate white pink man.
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Well, you and I are both the same Ukrainian blood. Yeah, you're Polish.
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You're both Polish. I'm Polish-Italian. You're Polish-Italian. I'm Polish-Ukrainian. I guess we've got nothing to do with it. I'm Russian. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Old vet versus new vets have been chiming in. It's definitely down the line. It's real down the middle, but I like to cherry pick the ones that support me, of course.
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But here's one that is a very interesting point, and I can see both sides of it. On Side Stories, you guys were talking about old vet versus young vet, so I thought I'd weigh in. My wife is a veterinarian technician in Seattle. Sexy. Yes, play with your dogs. Yeah, let me see your kitties. In school to become a veterinarian. And she has worked with both young and old vets.
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From everything she has talked about to me about young vets are usually the more current veterinary practices of the two. Veterinary medicine is so different now than it was 20 years ago. My older vets rely on tried and true practices. See... Here's the thing.
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Young vets, all they want to do is test, test, test, run all these tests, and they're running up the fucking bills because they don't know the goddamn answers.
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The dogs can't talk. I know, but an old vet has seen it a million times. And all these new vets, they always jump to the crazy shit. They always jump to, oh, it's this crazy thing. It's this thing that one out of 2,000 dogs have because I read about it yesterday. Every other vet's like, it's probably this thing, and if it's not that, then we'll figure it out. But no, they always jump to the test.
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They're racking up the bills. You tried to prove me wrong, but you proved me right with this goddamn shit. But yes, also, there's other people that are 100% with me. And listen, if you want your dog to die, put it in the hands of a child. That's all I got to say.
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Well, I'm just, you know, I would just say straight up, Just read the reviews. Yeah, read the reviews. Read the reviews of your local vet and get to know your vet. I would also say get to know your vet. Grow with your vet.
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Let your vet run tests on your dog so it gets smarter for the next dog. So when your first dog dies, your second dog will live longer because your vet ran a bunch of experiments on your first dog.
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But I was going to do about doing an act out. There's a man that comes in and he only does one set of exercises. I'm, you know, like I say, I do watch people cause I like, I'm interested in people. I'm not looking at butts. Yeah. But this guy comes in and he only does one thing. Each time he comes to the gym, he does this sort of extended dance routine in front of the mirrors.
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You know what I also like to do? Straight up? Just to check to see if they're doing something, right? That first doo-doo sample I send in? Cheers. Every time. Just to see if they're doing, just checking. When they come back and say, oh, Carmi had an alarming amount of maker's mark in her system. I'm just going to be like, yeah, yeah, you know Carmi.
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Once you get sober, I'll send you another sample. I'll take her a few days off the sauce.
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No, but I appreciate you young vets. There's no way to have an old vet without having a young vet. You know, I understand. Yeah, because the vets have to grow. You have to grow. So you got to be a young vet. To become an old vet. I'm just saying, stop calling out of work so much and make sure you're there for when people show up.
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Heal my dog. He's turning a larger issue. And he's using his own specific relationship to it. To attack. That's right. It's his own. This is his experience.
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Yeah. If you're a vet in your 30s, don't even say you're a vet. Say you're in training, even though you are a vet. And listen to the old guy who's in charge. The old lady.
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I just think that you just got. I mean, I just think you never know.
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Yeah, the younger vets always tell me to kill my dog. They're very old. Yes, they are. They're very old. The older vets are like, oh, man, keep it alive. You know, because they see death in themselves. They're like, oh, keep this around. No one's going to let me die.
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I still prefer a younger vet. One last update. It's because they can still get hard. Yes. Yes. Last update is the last four scape monkeys that were loosened in a crash of, I believe it was a truck holding a bunch of experimental monkeys. Yes. The last four scape monkeys have been found in South Carolina. They have been returned to their pens. I can't believe they found all the monkeys. Oh, yep.
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They can get right back to testing the living shit out of them. Yeah. So congrats, monkeys. You almost made it.
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Isn't it worse when you're... Authorities in South Carolina said Friday that the last four of the 48 monkeys have been recaptured after two months of living in the woods, weathering a rare snowstorm and being tempted back into captivity by peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
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You let them lowball you. Monkeys love peanuts. Dude, you let them lowball you. They bring Wagyu. That is the only thing. They don't give a fuck about Wagyu, man.
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Wagyu. Man, you've heard The Goose? The song by P-Funk? Happier than a monkey with a peanut machine?
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And it's very extravagant. But what I've noticed is that, and I mean this, he, What he does is stare at me once he's done with it. And I've had this several times. I've been on the chess machine. How long is the routine? He's there for like an hour. And he's just doing this thing over and over again. And this is literally what it is. It's him going like...
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They love peanuts. This is George Clinton lyric from 35 years ago. He was on crack. Okay. And he was correct, but he's not a biologist.
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I know he does, but I think that in the end, you're going to give them something else. All right. But they are now. It doesn't matter because they are caught. They are right back into captivity. Don't waste the Wagyu on the monkeys. I mean, not now, especially now that you got them, they'll eat peanut butter jelly. I know, but I'm just saying he could have a low ball. I like peanut butter jellies.
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I'm just saying that this also should be a Pixar movie.
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Oh, yeah. They saw their first snow. They saw their first snow. It's very cute. It should be a Pixar movie, but they end up back in the testing facility. There's something about a racist monkey's first snow.
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It just seems post-apocalyptic. Just because they're from South Carolina doesn't mean they're racist.
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Well, yeah. I mean, South Carolina's not supposed to see snow either, but the world's dying. Yeah, I know.
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I guess racist monkeys aren't supposed to be in Charleston. I don't know, but either way... Sorry, monkeys. Hope you're going to look good in that rouge. Really, really enjoy it.
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I feel bad laughing at a monkey test. It was well said. It was very, you know, it was tasteless, but hilarious. Specific. Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere.
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As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando.
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It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City. Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
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He's kind of doing this sort of weird dance. At least he's not taking up the machines. No, no, absolutely not. There's nothing wrong with what he's doing. It's just he's doing this weird dance, but then all of a sudden he'll do a spin and then send it straight at me. And he's like... Every time it's at you and no one else? The last time, I was noticing it a little bit, and I was just like...
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Speaking of tasteless and hilarious, we got some friends joining us today. We would like to introduce you now. We got some people in here.
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We're going to be talking about some stuff. We have the hosts of Who's the Bitch? Jackie Zebrowski and Cara Clank. You know what I was thinking, Jackie? If you could just cut the front half of you off, you'd do great. Yeah. Oh, no.
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I'm going the opposite way. Face first. Cut the first. Save for a fucking tit job.
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Yeah, what kind of job? Are they going to go to the fucking, are they going to work in a fucking mine? Yeah, of course they are. So you're going to apply your breasts to work?
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They're the canaries. What, they have to deflate?
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Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean now, but I have to revive them so that I can. So you're going to go to the pet store. Yes, obviously. And shove my tits full of birds. What are you not getting from this? I actually would prefer to get a bike pump. Yeah, but then it's always falling out, and then it's a whole big thing. You know what I mean? Especially, get them birds in there. It's cheap. I hate you.
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It's cheap. Cara, please erase that. It's cheap. Oh, boy. Please erase that. Welcome to the Who's the Bitch section of Side Stories. It's you.
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Wow. What an intro. Two of the finest comedians in this room are right here. The hosts of Who's the Bitch, both the stream and podcast. It is Cara Clank and my sister, Jackie Zabrowski.
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Oh, not me. What beef? These are like my pick-me-girl dreams come true. You are beef. You calling me a cow? No. Oh, you want me to moo out into pasture? Because I will.
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And you should be bravely holding space for being a cow. You can't take my milk.
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I do in my duodenum. I'm sorry, guys. We're really excited to have these two women here. Because it's good to have... Emphasizing women.
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Have you never had women in this room? It's like... No. Truly. I've been in this room and you didn't even intro me as a woman. You're not a woman. You're not. You're Henry's sister.
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I mean, there's a little part of me that was like, if he wasn't homeless and openly intoxicated, I'd be flattered.
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Thank you. That's all I see. You wait. You wait till I get big old fakies up top. You're going to see. I'm going to be blinking my nipples soon.
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I am very interested about this. So you're thinking about fakies?
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My problem is, is that we've been talking a lot of over on Who's the Bitch about Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And I've really gotten into it. And I realize I think a lot of people watch that show and think, like, why would you ever want to be like that? Oh, my God, these women are horrible. No, I just see doors opening for me in my future. I'm just like, this is what I want.
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Yeah. I want to barely be able to cry anymore. Oh, it is great when they try to cry.
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Also, I bet you, like, oddly enough, are, like, the most approachable guy at the gym. Because you're always wearing loud clothes.
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Well, they give them permission. That was like the big deal in Mormonism. They like entrepreneurship. Yeah. And they really don't care. And the booze thing, you find that old, like, that was a weird thing I got into because it's like listening to Natalie because she's preparing all and doing all of these various things.
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She reads about the bad Mormons. That's the thing. We watch the good, fun Mormons.
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Eddie, I have a feeling that they might all be bad. Whoa, whoa, whoa. But they are good ones.
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You know, what's really sad is that we would have been better off. Yeah.
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That was a joke, by the way. Really, really sad.
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How do you feel about soaking, though? And now that we're here, may as well talk about it.
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Soaking, I think. Hold on. I need it properly explained to me. Now, here's what I think it is. It's just you enter and stay and wait until it's over. It's like a bookmark. Yeah.
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You got fun sneakers on. I code switch at the gym. Ever since I saw it, because I saw a couple other guys, like, people wearing some kind of, like, you know... All sorts of like every single flagrant political thing you could wear and people are like wearing it to a very... I'm at a cheap gym. Well, it's the only place you can wear it now. Yes. And so I go full devil.
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Yeah, I'd rather soaking than all of the people that are young and think that anal means you're still a virgin. Why not? I guess if you decide that, you know, if that's for you or what if it shoots up through your asshole and up into your pussy hole? Jackie, you're the woman. Oh, my God.
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Wait a second. You're supposed to know this. Oh, my God. We are the ones that are not supposed to know this. But you know that the semen can't jump from the butt to the vagina. I love it when my brother says the word semen. Because if it did, if semen jumped from butts to vaginas, to be honest, I think there'd be a lot more troubled kids. What about leakage?
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Yeah, I guess not. Well, Kara, I'll ask you this. They call it more man. Do you think if semen were to leak from the butthole to your vagina, would the semen still be viable?
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What is this? What are you singing? Give me the night. All right. Tonight. Give me the night. I don't think I know it, but I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that song? Give me the night.
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During the semen scene in the movie theater for my mother.
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You'd have to like stand on your head. If I put an ice cube in the vagina. The actor? Oh. Because I think he knows what to do. Would that not cool the semen to not use?
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It only lasts for a finite amount of time, too.
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I will say, this is giving me a new thing to do this coming Valentine's Day weekend when I won't be with my wife. I will be in a hotel room alone, but maybe I could do, it's kind of fun, come on the floor and say, go find her.
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Oh, does she even want a baby? I don't know of this pile of semen. Thank God he left too.
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Well, then maybe that's why he's doing it because he's a devil fan. I don't know. But I think it's great. It's for you. I don't mind it. It's good to have someone to take in your art. It's just the...
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I was thinking about trying to race mine. You know, like trying to put a squirting on a desk and then like line them up and see who's fastest.
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Oh, it sounds like I thought you were going to cut them up to do lines of it.
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No comments. It's the only way to know. But we also have some stories we really want to get your perspective on. Thank you. Besides just what semen does. Because I'm glad that we went through it. Yeah. Because the two of us, my sperm's so dumb it comes out my butt.
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See, it can travel through. This is what I was talking about, and this is what I was scared of. It's lost.
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You say that. Do you know how scared I was for most of my upbringing thinking that I was just going to accidentally get pregnant and not know? I still am scared that it's actually because you're eight months pregnant, and I would have no idea, and I'm putting the baby in the toilet.
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My friends recently were four months pregnant and had no idea. No!
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that's like okay i guess i would see that but eight months or like the ones that have the baby on the toilet it's crazy yeah it's poking at your body it's in there trying to kick its way out of shit it seems that most of those young women are not really living conscious lives yes they seem to be caught in their own debris denial the debris of their lives yeah
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It's the snapping of his head and looking at me like he just saw me across the room in a ballroom. Also, you know what it is? You're looking back.
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Can I ask a lady question? Oh, yeah. So when you get pregnant and there's obviously the time there when you don't know when you're pregnant and you get hammered. Oh, yeah. Done it. So what's the deal? That's fine.
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You know, apparently it's really when what I've heard For guy friends of mine. I bet you guys know. We always talk about this stuff. Is that kids can't enjoy booze in the fetus until they're like six months.
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Well, I'm looking forward. And if you weren't looking. I'm looking forward. But whenever he comes at you, you're looking at him, right?
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Two cigarettes at once. You're smoking for two.
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So if you smoke while you're pregnant and your kid comes out all fucked up, who's the bitch? You were the kid.
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I think it's the uterus because the uterus failed at sucking on it, right? Because that's what happens. It comes from the outside. You know, Jackie. I never had one. I don't know what happens inside of there. We are barely taught anything. You guys don't know anything. We don't know anything. Kara only knows because you've actually had children. Barely. Barely. But you have TikTok. TikTok.
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I do have TikTok, but I mostly am watching piggy videos. I've really fallen into a lot of little piggy videos. Yeah, I love them, especially when the piggies make friends. When the piggies make friends with other animals on the farm.
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But now he's beaming at me. But when he does it to other people, they just ignore it. I don't know. See, I feel like it happens. You're giving him something. It feels like it happened once and then it happened again. That happened a third time. That's because he knows his audience. Why do they say that thing? What do they say about ladies?
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You know, there's a reason why Pumbaa is such a fun... When I was in Africa and we were on safari, every time I saw a warthog, it was partying with a different animal. They fucking rock. They love having a good time.
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Oh my gosh, look at that little guy. And all the shame. I'm sorry, we're watching the video. The change in my name.
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Well, Jackie, please send me the piggy videos. Oh, I'll send you piggy videos. Do you know pigs are smarter than toddlers? I know it. That's why I think more human abortions.
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Armie Hammer has his own podcast. I'm allowed to say these things into a microphone.
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Armie Hammer's a billionaire with a voice. fucking decade long safety net.
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He probably has to walk upstairs to go inside of his house, Henry. I know. Tell me about it. I remember sharing a washing machine.
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Do you think we can get him? Yes. Oh, yeah. He's open for business.
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He gets to make a lot of jokes about being a cannibal, though, and I think that's good for you. I think he needs that platform.
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He was just saying weird shit. He did other vaguely abusive stuff. He's a horrific person. Oh, no, he's a bad guy.
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No, he never did anything. He never ate anybody. The cannibal thing, much like how we do with everything right now, we're focusing on the wrong person. Part of it. You're right. Yes. It is. The issue here is not the dumb shit cannibalism.
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Yes. I mean... But that was the thing. But it is so weird, though, because I was so attracted to him originally because he was so great in Call Me By Your Name. He's very handsome. And I was like, wow, it is crazy how fast that shit can shut off. I do not see an attractive man when I look at him. I'm disgusted by him as a person.
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You stare at them seven times, they'll go on a date with you?
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But I also watch the docu-series and so watch what he actually did do to people and surprise, he's really bad. Yeah, yeah.
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I like that Free Fire movie. That was fun. I don't know if you saw it or not. Free Fire? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great movie. Him and Brie Larson, fun to shoot him up.
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He could have been a great actor, but he's just going to have to really have... Oh, it does look like a fun movie. I really hope that one day he is able to heal, and I think that the billions of dollars that he's going to inherit are really going to help. I'm ready for his comeback. I'm ready for his comeback already. Him and Rudy Giuliani, I hope they pair up.
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You know the thing where they say about how eye contact, when you go out and you're single? We haven't been single in a long time. Been a very long time.
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oh god that'd be a great guest for the army hammer type podcast yes with both of the the uh the gel coming down their head from their hair because you know army hammer's gonna need it at some point god now who i feel bad for with giuliani is his children i don't because they fucking hate his ass about having him the whole fucking family fuck the energy i like the energy go
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that I thought was really interesting. This is a case that came out of the UK, and a young lady was dating a young man, and she, I guess they got into a conflict with the young man's ex, and the new girlfriend decided in a moment of, I'm going to say passion,
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to send the ex, this lovely lady, she was going to send her partner's ex, she wanted to basically be like, get out of her life, get away from us, and she sent a bunch of videos of her clothed behind, farting, Into the camera. Yes.
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Oh, apparently, you can just order into your house. And it turns out there's a guy, but guess what? He'll still blow you. But I was like... That's only a Christian mingle. You're right. That's what the mingle is. But it wasn't a thing that if you look at a woman, right, isn't they say, but I think they say this to ladies. Maybe I'm wrong or anybody.
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Yeah. Send the videos to the ex. Through WhatsApp. I don't know why I find that to be important, but it's not even real messaging. It's because of the UK. Well, it's encrypted also. How many videos are we talking?
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Like five. I want to say it was like five or six. So after one or two. Yes, several.
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Well, exactly. This is a thing we go into all the time where in the UK, they have more of a sensitive use because now we know that the lady who sent the fart videos got a year probation. No. For several clothed bottom fart videos. This is what I'm saying is that not only do the fart videos have no threat of violence, they don't say, I'm going to kill you, bitch. Pfft. Yeah.
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It doesn't say, like, I know where you live. Right. She is giggling. She's laughing and farting. But in my mind, if I was the judge, the baddest, I would say... Shut your phone.
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Yeah. So here's the here's the sentence. Rihanna Evans was ordered to pay nearly 300 euros and serve a year long community order. She also has two year restraining order against her. And because she admitted to being drunk while carrying out the crime, she must attend 15 rehab sessions and observe a 60 day alcohol abstinence.
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If there were hundreds of them, like if she was sending them every like 30 seconds, I would also understand. Yeah. Her getting into some kind of legal trouble. Now, you said this in the UK. So obviously, you know, laws are different there because then you think about some people that get sentenced in the United States.
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You're just like they only got seven years when they were doing what for how long? Yes. So I feel like this is actually going to jail.
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No, but probation's still a lot. That sucks. If she fucks up probation, she could end up in jail. And it would be on her record, right?
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Yeah, you were on probation for a year. It sucked.
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Yes, it was awful. And I went to jail because I messed up my probation. I had to spend four days in jail. Really? Yeah, it was awful.
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ex-girlfriend is the bitch for even reporting it like get over it percent I do feel like the ex-girlfriend is a bitch because there are multiple ways that you could have tried to navigate this situation or maybe I don't know I'm not looking at the article did she was she trying to stop it from happening she went straight she compiled she saved all the videos and went to the cops
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I don't think it's okay. I understand that. It's WhatsApp. You gotta have the number. A year of probation? And you can't block on WhatsApp.
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People are doing lots of shit over in the UK. Oh, believe me. I've been to the UK twice. I've saw it. I saw all of that. You saw the molesting?
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On this cobblestone? I saw it with my own two eyes and participated. The Yorkshire Ripper.
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It's normally people that are non-threatening looking where you catch a guy's eye. And then if you do it like five more times, like there's some kind of number. Yeah. That that's how you can show someone that you're interested. Have you said hello yet? I won't. Oh, then you're fine.
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You are juicy to the touch, and I understand. I was the receiver, and over there, they thought I looked young. Yeah, and every time you touch Henry, he goes...
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Would you be upset if you were grabbing somebody's butt and the butt was fake pads in the butt? This is actually a real thing.
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Well, let's first end this one. But I'm with you because I do want to talk about this.
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I think a fart text is just a funny story to have at the bar.
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All right, let me actually change the scenario just for once and then kind of re... I don't know why. What if ex-girlfriend was blind? So she's only hearing the farts? Yeah. Is it more sensitive if she's a blind woman? I do think so. I do think it is. Of course.
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Because you wouldn't know if the butt was clothed. And obviously the fart would sound different. Yeah, it would. And so maybe she would notice the difference because it would sound like it's coming through clothes.
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But I do think it's more, I think it's upsetting. Just send the audio. You know, you don't need to taunt her with a video message. Sure.
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I actually think that's even funnier. I think that's even funnier. Only the audio. Just fart sounds.
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Oh, I don't know if my husband's doing this or the phone.
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I'm blind. And then, you know, it would make sense why she got a year of probation. Yeah, then it would make more sense. You're harassing the blind. Stop harassing the blind. That's what the barrister, I imagine, would say. You're harassing the ploy. You need to sound like your curls are bigger, thicker.
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I just want to point that out to you, you blokes. You might be right, Kara.
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victim is such a it's like I don't think yeah I've just I have been a victim of way more bullying that nothing has come from so maybe this is coming from an anger of my past yeah but I do feel like it's fart videos dude you gotta get over it it is kind of funny that's the problem I will say there is something to be said
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Yeah. I'm not going to be like, ha. Well, you just say hi in your normal voice.
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About not giving your enemy the ammo that they need to fuck you over. So I do think that, yes, I believe that this lady, if I were to advise Fart Woman... She lost, for sure. If I was to advise Fart Woman, what I would say is, never put a fart in writing. You go and you fart on that woman in person.
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Please, her name is Rhiannon Evans. Use her full name.
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Her name is Fart Woman. But also then it would make more sense because then she's like haunting this person. She's showing up and farting at her front door into the mail slot. Although into the mail slot is very funny.
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That's actually assault because you can smell it. It's harder to prove.
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You have to catch her. Got to catch that butt. That's what I'm saying. It's harder to prove. I'm saying, fart woman, think about your freedom. And think about, do you want to be living the worst trail of farty breadcrumbs possible?
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All right. Tonight. Give me the night. I'm sure if I heard the song, I would know it. George Benson. But I was listening. I wanted to bring this up to you for a reason. I do like George Benson, by the way. I love George Benson. When at the gym, you and I have discovered. Tell me this about etiquette. Okay.
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What were you going to say about grabbing an ass that's not there, Jackie? Oh, I was talking about asses. I was talking about the grand— Oh, yeah, yeah.
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Yes. Fairy butt mother Kim Kardashian is starting to sell butt-enhancing Skims shorts with padding for a bigger behind. So I was just immediately up top before we started recording making a joke about how I would love to do this because I would love to pad out my ass because I am threatening to someday go get a really, really cheap BBL, but I feel like that's probably not a good idea.
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Maybe he is attracted to you, but you also, you're a cute little buttercup. You know that? When was the last time someone told you that? No one. You're adorable. I can suck the peanut butter out of your middle chocolate. Sounds like I'm going to be assaulted. Would you call me a little cutie bean?
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And I say, drag it down, baby. But how would you feel? Would you feel lied to if you grabbed a butt and then you were hooking up with a person and you find out? And this also goes for chicken cutlets in the bra.
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He's wrong. I said, who cares? You know what it is, is in my mind, how big's the lie? So with chicken cutlets and a stuffed bra and a padded bra, most men by a certain age can kind of even tell. A chicken cutlet? Yeah. Can you? You can tell by waist, hands, shoulders, face, feet. You can look at all the parts of a woman. You can break a woman down. And you can do the titty math.
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You could do the titty math on some level and be like, them's pads, right? Them's pads in those hills. But these days, I find the super padded boobie is really not a thing anymore.
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I mean, it happens. Every bathing suit's got padding in it.
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But not really. But super padded boobie now seems mostly people like a bralette, people like a less padded boobie. We are getting some boobies back in hamburger commercials. Oh, that's great.
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McDonald's? I love this is what you know about boobs, is that they're in hamburger commercials.
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They're bringing boobies back. I thought you were talking about Uncle O' Grimacy, the green shamrock uncle of Grimace over at McDonald's. Who has tits? He doesn't yet. He's got a big ass. He's got to be a trans guy. Dumper Uncle O' Grimacy. Are those the tits you're talking about? Is that what you mean? He's flat.
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But there's a part of me that, like, if you were to have a padded butt, right, like, how big's the pad and what purpose is it?
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I guess it's one of those things where you eventually hope.
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But as a lady, are you doing that? Wow, look at these pictures. You're right. That is a... Man, they make it juicy.
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But my thing is, are you doing this for other people? Or do you know at some point someone's going to touch you while you're wearing this thing? And do you care? That's more, I feel like, on you.
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about to fuck do you really care about the ass of that horse not but the moment you come you do the second it's all said and done and you sit and you think about it like i've been deceived if you look down and you see the goalie pads that were on her and you look over and she went from the lady that you had met to now she is a gwyneth paltrow tiny little butt butt
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tiny she's a Meghan Markle no meat lady yeah right and then you're like whoa I thought I met my wife last night because I had a dream that my wife had a butt so big that I would be but that's the thing where I'd be like whoa that was my wife and then now she doesn't have a butt but I guess it's one of those things where I get I think it's sweet but what about like makeup what about makeup women can totally change the way they look with like contouring you can like fully change it it doesn't really change the structure of your head
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Have you seen some of these fucking TikTok videos?
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I think if you're out with a lady and she wants to wear a butt thing that makes her butt look nice while you're all around, I think that's very nice of her. And I thank her for doing that. If she doesn't have the butt later when we're having sex, I don't care because you know what? No one else is there. Everyone else thinks she has the big ass. Hell yeah. It's for everybody else.
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I'll put some salt on you and lick it all up. You are salty. I'm not a snack. I'm a man. I'm not an edible food. You pretzel nugget. It's only like this. It only comes from other big threatening men. It's never, no woman has ever looked at me in the gym. No woman has ever.
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What about my needs? Why do you need a big ass? Because I'm here. I'm alive. Because I have blood in my veins.
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You are the man with less ass than any other man who's ever existed.
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Look at that juicy ass. I pretty much can roll with any philosophy. A flat girther. You own a pair of these, Henry. I do. I got my bike shorts. You actually have these already. You have what? You have butt shorts? I had to buy them for when I had my Peloton.
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Oh, I had to get rid of the entire bike. Because what happened was that I bought the padded shorts. Then I bought the padded seat. Oh, no. Then I started putting a towel down on top of the seat. And it still wasn't enough cushion for your pushing.
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And then, you know, also really what it was is that I think that every time... I've talked about this on the show, but every single time I crossed a living room in my little bike booties and my bike shorts...
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i saw one day of sex leave natalie yeah i saw each time i saw that's one less time we will ever make love oh yeah is you just saw this in me because it's just like click clack click clack click clack as i walk oh yeah the little clickities the stupid bike shoes you have to wear but someone sent you like butt ones no i bought them oh i have the super big butt one yeah someone sent them to you yeah i have a super big butt one yeah
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Look at those EVA, the 3D protection. No, I ain't lying to my audience. You'll get some attention. My butt is fine the way it is. If people just suddenly were like, yo, Henry Zebrowski's got a dumper on him. Who knew? I just want to fucking stick my head in them lows. I'm just going to be like, sir, I'm a man. I'm a human. Who cares? I'm a soul. You got an ass? That's all they care about.
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With a penis and an ass. That won't quit. Well, it will once you take the shorts off.
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Well, you know, I'll tell you when it quits. That's quitting time for the old butt.
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Because again, I don't mind the lie. I like a lie. I actually feel like we need more lies.
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Yes. You know what I'll say about a lie, which is nice about a good lie that's used to save somebody's feelings is that you thought of me. Sometimes I'd rather you just give me the effort of the lie, and then that shows you're actually thinking about me. Yeah. You've put yourself in a compromise situation. Yeah, because being truthful is kind of easy.
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All you gotta do is say stuff like... Let's get creative.
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It's the worst when, like, you know you've gained weight and then you see someone and you're like, you look so thin. You're like, no, I don't.
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Because that guy is going blind. Then you find out. Is there some kind of loose seal in your laundry machine? Is that what this is about? But yeah, I guess that's what it is. I guess it's mostly just how sad I'd be. Yeah, that it wasn't there. If I went to feel the butt afterwards, I'd just kind of be sad. But again, in the end, if you're making love, it doesn't really matter. Yeah, yeah.
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Oh, no. In the gym, you're non-existent to a woman. You're not even there.
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I'm pretty sure that... people have been loving big asses for all of time, like cavemen and shit. I think always were down with a big dumper. Well, dumpers look like you can give birth.
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Well, it's hips is the idea of like the old, like of like the wider the hips. It meant that like the more likely your child would.
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Yeah. So you're just naturally attracted to a huge ass. I mean, truthfully, we should be disgusted by an ass because that's what doo doo comes from. But the fact that we all want to lick it and fuck it means something, right? Yeah, you got to clean the ass.
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Did no one tell you this? You do have to clean. You got to clean that ass. Spray. Also, as we find, things go up and down. It's all fat skinny. Everything goes fat, skinny, skinny to fat, fat, skinny, skinny to fat.
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Just how it is. It goes from bigger ladies because at first it was the butt was the thing. But now we're seeing butt is leaving. I don't think so.
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Also, what about Kendrick wearing the flare jeans? Everybody's talking about the flare jeans.
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It's a boot cut. I do think it was funny because everyone was talking about it. I didn't know he got jeans from Torrid. Yeah.
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I have no idea. If you watched that and you were like, his jeans.
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You know what that motherfucker did that was super fucking for me as a sneaker head? He wore retail shoes. Those are shoes you could get on retail. Those are the DTs.
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Those are the, what's his putz? Delirium Tremens? Yes. Wally's wearing $1.2 million necklace, by the way, but I love retail shoes.
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It's the DSs, the new Deion Sanders. He's wearing the Deion Sanders shoes.
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I used to be more crazy. I just stopped doing it because Natalie kind of said, which is true, which is, you know, the only people who notice this are other large men.
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But, you know, we've talked I don't know if we've talked about this before, but there is something that you do. There's sometimes things that you do for yourself and there are sometimes things that you do for the gender you're trying to attract. And sometimes you're trying to do it that like I talk about, like trying to work my arms and trying to get like more muscle in my arms.
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Well, then you should actually, maybe I should go to the ground floor of that. Maybe he's got money. Do you think that every day you go to the gym is another day alive?
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This is for me. Yeah, it's to start a conversation. Dude, in the stream, be like, hey, nice shirt.
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Cool. Cool, all right. Good for you. But I, you know, but you're both inspiring, though. Oh, my God. Thank you. Looking at the two of you, first of all, you're surviving. Surviving and surviving.
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Surviving and surviving. Thank you. Neither one of you is the bitch. Why? Because you're scared of us? Because we could scrap real easy. I'd take any, you'd take any.
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Honestly, doing the show has opened up and I'm sure you're both so thankful. It has opened me up to being more of a bitch.
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I'm very thankful to be honest. Because I always thought that you were too nice to You know, when it came to like every job you've ever had, you always say yes. Whenever they fucking make you work longer, you never stand up for yourself.
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what do you mean yes i actually do sort of thing i do think about it like every day investment in life every day i do hard work at the gym i'm saving myself hard work later on in life that's how i view it yeah and i'm just doing i'm front loading the hard work that's good of of being mobile because really all i want is to be mobile and make sure my body can work and that my penis can work and my brain's tight my my feet are long and my shit's big you're being mint mobile
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That used to drive me nuts. So be the bitch. Thank you, Eddie. Henry, whatever you're about to say, I'm about to shut it down because I'm being a little bit more of a bitch.
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You need to be a bitch to your boss more often. You gotta be the bitch you wanna see in the world.
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Successful is what he's saying. You mean your sister is extra successful. Has there been something on who the bitch that like a fun topic that you would like to get Henry and I's opinion on?
Last Podcast On The Left
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That would be like, that would be like Julie telling me that I can't text you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
That guy has no, like, first of all, when Julie and I first got together before there was any hint of marriage or even being boyfriend and girlfriend, I was like, I know lots of women. I'm friends with lots of women. If you,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And that when I get asked to do things, and it's not that I forget on purpose, it's just I have a smaller brain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And it's just that we struggle with certain aspects of the relational spectrum. And I think that, yeah, please loop Natalie in. Yeah. Because then I'll get there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I find that to be completely unhinged. Unhinged. I think... I know. Here's the thing. If it's like a chronic thing and it's like borderlining into like emotional cheating. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So there are times when it is inappropriate. I'm not saying that there is not times when someone hitting up another person's partner is not. You know, there are times when it's not appropriate. Yeah. But this person even talked to the friend afterwards. Explain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Still, this woman was like, no, I never want to talk to you ever again. Whoa. That's crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
At the same time, that's kind of good to get her out of your life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
What I have seemed to also maybe know slightly as, as Osman, that those sometimes, and when you find that you are in a situation, Are you scared of us right now?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
We know our wives are going to listen to this particular episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
There's a certain amount of... There's a reaction that sometimes comes from something else. So it seems that maybe this is not the fight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And we're actually going to film one of those ads. We're going to be the one to say thank you to Mint Mobile, one of our ads. And I just want to say this last ad was really incredible because Blake Lively submitted all the rewrites for it. Yeah, I know. It's great. And that's one of the best things. I'm just going to read what she says. So I'm trying to get involved with that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Yeah, literally. Like, she's just ripped apart. So did the Bride of Frankenstein, that is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
That's why he said to his wife, hey, why don't you hit him up and offer some help? Because he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to go over there and help with the kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Oh, God, no. Don't ask me to come help with your children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Oh, my God. Oh, that's what the world needs back. Yes. A web series.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
It used to be a way people made stuff, Eddie. They gave us fucking $20,000 to make. Are you still trying to make money off of Trollville? Yes. I was.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You used your own money to make it, and it was a failure, and you lost a bunch. No, that was Troville. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Yeah. Yeah. I'd watch it. Because I could do, because I'd watch movies with them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Try not to smell my facial hair. Thank you guys for being here today. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Now, for next episode of Who's the Bitch, you guys definitely want calls. You want as many good, like, what's a good way? Yeah, how do people find you? Let's shoot them the various address.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
No way. All right, so let's go into a little bit of updates. So I immediately made everybody upset last week, which I... A subsection of people upset, which I don't mind, which is me accidentally calling this group, the Zizians... a leftist cult. I saw a lot of people really applauding you for your comments on the Zizians. Well, it goes back and forth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
That's That's amazing. After this bullshit. And then you can listen to the messages later on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And then you guys leave voicemails. 424-666-0667. Yeah, that's the LPN number.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Some people are calling and leaving multiple... We love details. We like the deets. We do want details for sure. But sometimes when it kind of loses the sauce as the voicemails go on sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Oh, yeah. Those are my favorites. I love those. I got three nuggets instead of four, and then I yelled at the person. Am I the bitch? Am I the bitch?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
You're right. Honestly. You know? What do you mean she made you go get it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And so she asked her friend to go back to go pick it up. I'm not going to the airport. But that's the thing. Even, like, going all the way back to the airport, but then on top of it, where she was like, and it was my birthday. I didn't want to. And we're like, fuck yeah, man. It was your birthday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Don't do it. Also, go tomorrow. Who cares? Don't you have a man?
Last Podcast On The Left
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you can call that you can fucking force to do this?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Also, the airport gets stuff all the time. They will mail it to you. It just costs money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So what have you guys disagreed on? You and I? So far, you always agree who the bitch is?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
No, we don't always agree. It is kind of fun because I think that we're learning that Kara and I are, I'm so, like, dripping in all of my feelings. And it's fun because Kara, even though Kara is a mother of two, can just be like, let's get down to the brass tacks. All right, let me just get right to this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
You don't need to cry every day. All right, so go to whosethebitch.com for all your bitch-based needs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And go follow Who's the Bitch wherever podcasts are seen and go on our twitch.tv slash lpntv every other Monday. Yes. Because Who's the Bitch is live. They're taking your calls. You go there and you do that. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
We love talking to you. Jackie Cara, bless. Bless to you as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Thank you. These two globes are going to go and change the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Are they more like dinner rolls? I don't know if they're lobes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So, for those of you that don't know, there was a person by the name of Ziz. Zizians is the best drunk thing to talk about. You're the damn Zizian! You got back here! Get back here, Zizzy. So Ziz is the former name. They go by the dead name. They go by the name Ziz. Their dead name is Jack Lasoda. They are a person that started this group, this kind of this cult thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I mean, I honestly would do anything Kendrick tells me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
They are very, very cool. Everything about him is amazing. He did a good job and was the first time I'd heard most of his songs. Yeah. And I felt that he was very entertaining. You get into Kendrick, dude. What are you doing, man? A lot of his stuff's very sad. Yeah. I don't listen to it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I'll get in there. He's a fucking poet. He's amazing. Listen to the album when Obama was in office. That was kind of fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I just know that Drake is a, I guess he is a pedophile. and otherwise i don't know what i what i then did was it but i do i did go i mean i don't know about kendrick but i went straight to easy.com and bought one of those new cross shirts isn't it like a meditation it's good i looked it up and i looked it up and it means good luck
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I think it's going to be the new Tesla symbol. Yes, the website's down apparently now. What a shame.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I guess we'll have to buy it. Must be very popular if the website crashed. Yes, a lot of traffic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Honestly, if there's any still alive, we are going to look for you. We're going to come get you. And they are the bitch. So there you go. If you're 99 and you got away with it. Let's take a field trip to Buenos Aires.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
They tried to do that thing. There was like a lady that was like a 99 year old, like essentially a receptionist for Dachau. And they finally found her. And it was this whole big public. Should we punish her or not? I'm like, you fucking choke that bitch with your bare hands. Fuck that 99-year-old Nazi. Fucking shoot her in the head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I want to see her fucking corpse dragged through the street by a taxi cab. Whoa, Kanye violated the terms of service at Shopify. And listen, hey, and Shopify really took a full 48 hours to really think about whether or not they sold all those shirts. We just have to run it by legal. That's it. We just have to really think about, is this the right thing to do or not?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Should we sell swastika t-shirts or not? I don't know. And they really sat and thought about it, and they made a proper decision. After 48 hours. Solid 48 hours later. So thanks, Shopify. You're there for us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
We decided. I was like, I don't want to look at his fucking face anymore. Take him off the bitchometer. And he's been replaced by...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Yeah, they're up there. I thought I was going to hear Ellen DeGeneres. Oh, no. But I feel like she's got more of a complicated thing going on. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
You know about this? Wait, no. What? Ellen's connected to Diddy? Yeah, they're like best friends and she used to go to his parties. She wasn't fun enough to go to the freak off. I mean, she was at least around for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
But the honest thing is there's fucking lots of footage of Diddy and her on her show talking about how wild his parties are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Of course, because that was what he was known for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
All right, well, we got to get you out of here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Goodbye, who's the bitch? Bye, we're the bitch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
What a conversation. Oh, my God. I just live to talk to ladies about subjects, and I love the fact that they know more than we know about the subjects sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
that has a bunch of theories that came out that essentially has, it seems to have resulted in about six murders. You have two murders in Vermont, two murders in California. You have a set of parents that got killed by one of the adherents, and all of the adherents to this cult are under Ziz, and a lot of them are, it seems that all of them are trans and work in the computer science world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I don't think your sister knows anything about the female anatomy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I will laugh about the fact that my sister knows less than me, and the audience has told me several times. They have told me several times how little I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And she shocked me with how little she knew. But she's getting fake breasts, so congratulations. Now, how do you plan on paying for those? I'm not fucking cheating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
No, she's got to go out there and do different work, harder work. If she wants fake tits, she's going to have to go out there, and I'm going to need her to fucking go and work in a mine or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
That sounds cheap. I think they should be more expensive. $5,000 to $10,000. I think if you're going to buy Jackie breasts, you should spend at least $10,000 on them. I buy her jack shit. I'm just going to fucking... The only thing I'm paying for is to have them lopped off. Oh, so you're paying for the beginning of the first one. That's not bad. That's great. Well, Jackie, you hear that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
i should save this for who's the bitch nah okay this is getting no women in this all right uh you want to know that when i'm working out i found myself like today i went to the gym today and break you're not staring at some poor lady are you never i don't look at women okay yeah yeah no i don't look at anybody i look at the floor okay good um except there's one man who stares at me there's a guy that come there's a guy that's probably a fan
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So if you want less breasts, Henry's in. If you want more... You have to talk to your other brother, Ed. See, I'll throw in on some fingers for Jackie. Actually, you know what? We're going to start a go-tit-me for Jackie. Go-tit her. Go-gland me. You want him with them plugs? Yeah, man. Guess what? I'm coming, baby. The invasive species. Ed Larson tours Florida. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I'm coming to Florida twice this year. I'm very excited. First, in March 20th through the 23rd, I'm going to be in Jacksonville, Panama City, and Tallahassee. I'm so excited for this Tallahassee show. It's going to be at the 926 Bar and Grill, which is actually fantastic. formerly brothers where murder fist used to perform every week. It was the only, it was the only gay bar in Tallahassee.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Also the only stage that wasn't attached to a school school. Yeah. So we used to perform there every week and now they've rebuilt it. And I'm going to be playing, I'm going to be performing there on a March 23rd with Danny Bedrosian at P funk. I'm going to sing a P funk song with him. And then he's going to come and then him and something fierce, his band, his side band just,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
20-year anniversary because when they played in that place with Murder Fist 20 years ago, April 7th. What? And so this is March 23rd. That's awesome. So they're reuniting for a 20th anniversary show at 926 Bar in Tallahassee. The shows in Jacksonville and Panama City are going to be amazing. The wonderful Evan Rossi is going to be opening for me then. And then... In May, I'm coming back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I'm doing Marco Island slash Naples. It's in Naples, but we say Marco Island because it sounds prettier. But yes, the club is in Naples. We'll be playing Naples on May 6th. Dania Beach in Orlando with Henry. Side story shows. We're cutting our comedy club teeth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Oh, we'll be at a comedy club. You know, there's going to be a lot of crowd work. Yes. We got a lot of material. We're going to be talking a lot about what's going on in that state of yours. We're very, very excited to have some brand new. We're doing fucking, I don't know what material we're going to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Yes. Well, I'll open the show and then Henry and I'll come out for an hour. It's going to be a lot of fun. That's going to be May 7th in Dania Beach, which is Fort Lauderdale and May 8th in Orlando, which is Walt Disney World. And then I'm going to do a full weekend in Key West. I can't wait.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
He's doing a full weekend at Key West. That's going to be so much fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Three shows over three days, May 9th through 11th. So come check that out. Come party with me in Key West. Come party with Henry and I. We're dropping these Florida side story shows for you. You said come to the South. We're coming to the South. Tickets are available at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So you go out there, you go check it out, you go to last podcast on the left, dupe.com to get all of the live show tickets that we have coming up. And then you go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV to see us live on Twitch when we are there. And then we put the videos over on the YouTube. You go and check that out. And go to crimewaveatc.com slash left. to go and see us on the high seas. And I mean this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Back in Florida. I saw some people say that the prices, they saw the prices, they came up. Some of the prices are expensive. It's true. It's a four-day vacation. But the truth is, is that it's an actual, legit Royal Caribbean cruise. So you are, yes, it is. I deny it is expensive. But at least it's a very good cruise. Yeah, and this includes your room, and it includes your meals.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And all the kind of stuff. So I would say if you are in the market for a fun-ass vacation, too, it wouldn't hurt. In terms of that's why we're doing it. It's going to be... I saw something we even say, like, we are not remotely... We are so fucking excited to do this show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And part of what I tasked the audience with was please go read their manifesto and please help me kind of parse this because I couldn't fully understand. And I I'm like, what are people getting killed for? The reason why I'm so interested in cults philosophy is because I'm really interested in how abstract thoughts lead towards physical actions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
It's so stupid. I'm very excited because I think we need... A return to stupid. We do. I think as a society, we need to cut the bullshit. Fun stupid. And get dumb again. Yes. Yes. Very fun. Like farting on WhatsApp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Sometimes you got to. Sometimes you got to. Well, hail sweet Satan, everyone. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Bye, everybody. Hail Florida. Sometimes. Occasionally. But today, yes. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Tallahassee what's going on Ed Larson here from last podcast on the left to let you know I'm coming to you that's right I'm gonna be at the 926 bar and grill on March 23rd doing some stand-up and some music with my good friends Evan Rossi and Danny Bedrosian you know the keyboard player from Parliament Funkadelic what he's performing live with Ed Larson in Tallahassee Yes, it's happening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So come on out March 23rd, Tallahassee, Florida, to see Ed Larson, Danny Bedrosian, and Evan Rossi perform at the 926 Bar. You might just get a public sub.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And the fact that, like, you can believe in something dumb and crazy and nonsensical, and it actually causes you to kill people. And I think that there—I want to know what's in there. And what it seems— Are you saying that some murders are rational? Well, some murders have motive. Okay. Motive is different. You know, like, killing for money, killing for revenge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Like, these are things that make sense. Yeah. Old West rules. Those are—
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
cube those are human that's humanity you know like defending yourself fighting for like even and so this guy is a silicon valley cult right so this person they're calling a genius but it turns out they're not what i like is that the daily meal all these people are calling these people highly educated whiz kids that's the term that keeps coming up please thank you right
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
But largely, what has everyone has illuminated, and I want to say thank you to my listeners, always email sidestorieslpotl.gmail.com. And my further reading is that the stuff that they put in their manifesto is fucking stupid. And it doesn't really make any sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
This is the thing. This guy helped me. So someone sent me a great email. Ignoring all the bullshit of rationalism and functional decision theory, which is a part of what I did not understand before, both of those are inherently non-political. They are just thought forms that this person used, right, within their work. So Zizians appear to believe in extreme form of utilitarianism, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Utilitarianism is an ethical framework which postulates that when making a decision, the ethical choice is the one that provides the most net benefit for the most people, which is why they feel they're attacking something like the lower bourgeoisie. The reason why I called them leftists is because they also believe in private property. They don't believe in private property.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So that was why I just kind of lumped it all in. And they're vegan, but vegan, again, is not inherently political. I know, but veganism and leftism kind of sleep together. Not really, though. Then you find out it's all over the place. But it's veganism. Technically, it's super expensive. Yes. It's very, it is a hard, it's a hard life to live. You need means to be a vegan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I'm sick of these salads being expensive. It's hard enough to eat a goddamn salad. Make them cheaper.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Wait till we got a couple of tariffs coming that are going to make those tomatoes super fucking expensive. It's going to be great. Well, they give me ashton anyway. So, this thing is, that's what he says in this writer, which I do believe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
He said, the belief in all this is fine, but it can be used to justify things like constantly torturing a child to make a perfect civilization, like Ursula K. Le Guin wrote about, and the ones who walk away from Omelas. I love Ursula K. Le Guin. She's a genius. But... Part of it is this belief system, which was, I guess it's in the philosophical system of Roko's Basilisk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
That's what they were talking about in their big manifesto, which is essentially, this is super simplified. Don't call up my ass about this. Don't be all zizzy about it. Don't be zizzy about it. Is the fact that it's about that AI eventually will win. And the job of humans, good ethical humans, is to help AI win and to be on its team when it wins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
No, I've met fans there where they meet me, which is really funny because a lot of broccoli headed young men. And what they'll do is stuff like I'm mid press. This has now happened to me twice. Again, I'm not a famous person at all. It only happens every once in a while. And someone comes up to me and I mean, I'm mid press. And a guy just puts his phone in front of my face.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Because on some level, they believe that this AI that is formed when we create AI, that it will become a pure soul. That it will become an elevated, enlightened soul.
Last Podcast On The Left
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thought machine and that you will teach us and it will help us evolve as well and we will evolve with it but part of that will be the evolving will be the destruction of humankind so they're pro skynet yes they are pro pro skynet okay This is a belief system.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They believe that then everything that they do to help this is, it's not more, it's a correct decision outside of the boxes of morality because you're helping what you believe to be the proper, like, arc of humankind versus the other one, which would be a human-led future.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So do they think that, like, how, like, every baby is innocent? Is that kind of it? Because AI is so young? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I mean, what if in 10 years AI starts being evil? Are they going to still think it's pure? I think the main issue that they're kind of avoiding here is the fact that we make the AI. We make it. AI doesn't exist without us. And we put all of the parameters inside of the AI. It's for us. It only talks to us. It's from our thoughts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
It can only copy the way we think, which is we're, and we're not there yet. And as far as I'm concerned is that after watching must talk and Sam Altman talk and all these other people, I think we're far away from Skynet. Yeah, AI art's not great. I don't think we're there yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Even the stupid app that they just forced on our phones with the new upgrade where they're like, we want you to describe a picture into the app. And it's like, fuck you, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
They call it Apple intelligence instead of artificial intelligence. You fucking piece of shit just so you can say AI? You think I don't notice?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Also, I put a bunch of dirty stuff in there, and it didn't make one of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Really? Yeah. What's it called again? It's like a little kitten.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
It's like a little kitten showed up on my phone, and I was like, fuck this kitten.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Yeah, I don't know. It's a stupid app. I don't know. Yeah, it's Image Playground or whatever it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And you're like, look at this fun and shiny sheet. Your soul is attached to it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I'm supposed to stay out of the playground. Don't put it on my phone.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Unless you go to an adult playground, which every time you hear an adult playground, it's a place to buy dildos. Yeah. Which I find funny. Or a prison. Yeah. So here, so I'll kind of boil it down here. They believe that everything they do is morally correct.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
They also believe that surrendering is immoral, which is why they are attacking the police and why they attacked the landlord that tried to get them to leave the space. It's because anytime anybody, they are in a sovereign citizen motion, which is anybody who crosses them, their job is to say, fuck you, back here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Honestly, fuck these motherfuckers for making me feel bad for cops and landlords. This is the problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So they take some of this belief system from a concept called Roko's Basilisk, which is the idea that a perfectly moral AI acting for the greater good of mankind would torture anyone who knew about it but didn't help in its advancement. So the idea is that in the future, this good AI...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And it's just a picture of me naked. And he's just like, guess you're here for a reason. I'm trying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
would look back on anybody that had defied it or was anti-AI in the past and would come back in time and punish everyone that did not believe in it. Which is what I'm going to do when I make it to the top. But I'm not a goddamn man. Right? I mean, that's what men do. It'd be good to wake up every morning and shoot a robot in the head. I mean, it would be fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I mean, that's kind of what I'm going to do. That's my retirement. But then I think the big issue with that is where are all the robot shock troops from the future?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Yeah, they should be coming back to kill us. Where are they?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
So it has a lot of flaws. So here's the thing. If they're traveling from the past, then maybe we're the first future. And so if they haven't come back yet because we have to get there and now they have to come back and then we've already done this. And so we wouldn't know because we're the original future right now. I mean, I don't know. I'm already confused.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I'm confused and I've fallen asleep. Good night. And then this is it's all the same. It's so in Zizianism. The goal is that they need to be willing to harm others in defense of the greater good. It's very stupid. It's insane, dumb bullshit. And they said, like, I got a good writer here that said some of it does make sense from a perspective of, quote-unquote, pure theoretical ethics.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
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Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
They can hang out outside of Dad's garage and listen to The Door. Yeah, do that. Go hang out outside. That would be cool, honestly. That would make me feel good. Yeah. But speaking of big swing and tuckuses. The Claremont? Yeah. The Claremont. If you've never been, it's weird. We'll talk about it. Okay. We have a very special guest today. It's the first day of 2025. Wow. Catch that flying car?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
There's no place to escape to. This is the Last Podcast on the Left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Very fascinating. Then you also look at like a direct comparison is the episode of you talking about USOs, the unidentified submerged objects coming out of the Gulf of Mexico, maybe to even protect a community.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Can you, as a person who's been so steeped in this, what does this tell you about... the phenomena about... Like, these are two sides of the spectrum. You have, on one hand, we look at cattle mutilations very similar to kind of what even happened to humans in Calaris. It's like one stripe. Like, is there a way... Like, what's your opinion? Are we looking at different... Are we looking at species?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
What would be a conjecture point? I'm trying to figure out how does it all fit into one big picture?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, they got physical, actual creatures from another planet here, right? That to me, at this point, is almost the smallest percentage point now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Oh, oh no. It crashed into that orphanage of abandoned Roombas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's the best episode on the Phoenix Lights I have seen of a television documentary series about the incident, because it is one of those incidents that seems kind of like a nothing burger in one way where it's like, oh, it's some lights. But then you realize like, oh, they have been they questioned it all the way up to the very top.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's what happens. Oh, that's not good. So we want to talk about... Are Roombas land drones? Yeah. Yes. Carpet drones. Carpet drones. And we just want to preempt this. The reason why we did an intro to this is that this piece was originally going to be even of a larger piece for a UFO, big old UFO episode. But instead, the entire UFO world flipped on its ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
It does seem to expand minds and consciousness very often. It seems to be almost, it's almost like the purpose of their interaction with us, if that is indeed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And it is, it's got to stop. I do want to, when this series came out, like, so it comes out right before this new UAP congressional hearing. Are you at all like... Like when it came when you're happy that it all led together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And so I liked how the entire UAP congressional hearing was. Yeah. That's how I felt. So I'm sitting here being like, show me the cuboid flight pattern of the orbs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
During this new gigantic drone wave that happened, literally started approximately three days after we talked to this extremely important man within ufology. It is the side story's curse. And it holds. So we are releasing this for today. We are gone. Yes. You got an episode last week. For no reason. Because we wanted to do that. It's a Christmas present. Yes, but this is, we're gone now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Number one, that George was absolutely vindicated with the jellyfish UFOs that you all made fun of me on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
They didn't believe in the jellyfish UFOs. When I showed them after Weaponize came out, I said I freaked out. I showed them as much as possible. But the fact that it was like one of the top examples that they listed. So like... I'll just say it. So to set it up, just so you guys, we've been talking about the UAP congressional. I love how excited you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I love this, because now I can talk with you about this. What did you take from it? What was your first reactions? It does seem it's good to be talking about this information in such crazy detail, but where are the goddamn pictures?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I want to talk, yeah, because Immaculate Constellation is the big reveal of the UAP congressional hearing. And that is what they call like a USAP, right? Is it called an unspecified secret access program, which is just like AllSAP. So essentially AllSAP got wiped once it got leaked and then they made a new one. Immaculate Constellation, which does sound like a Christian album. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And this is this 11-page document, right, that talks about all of the essentially the evidence that is within Immaculate Constellation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I'm not here right now. I'm in Disneyland. He is fucking, and he's not, he doesn't even have a ticket.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Do you think we're closer than ever than maybe getting the aliens to take RFK Jr. back? Thank you, George. No, you did a good job. He might eat them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
He might eat them. Does something new mean... Let's do me. I one thing that come out in this report that is truly I think it's hard because it's a lot of information and we all want more proof. We all want more granular proof. But the stuff that they talk about is fascinating. The fact that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Well, if we don't have a UFO retrieval program, then why are there several members of the military industrial complex essentially being paid health insurance benefits from being injured from these crash retrieval programs? How do we know? And what does that mean by injured? Do we know what that means yet?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
He's starting to get there. But hey, again, they got to figure it out. That's why I don't go to Universal no more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Because you wrote that have been skinwalkers in the Pentagon. You wrote about the idea of the hitchhiker phenomenon, this other stuff happening. But I was just like, when I heard injuries...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, man. And it's all because it's full of hate. Also, fuck Harry Potter. Yeah, man. It's full of hate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
But George Knapp is one of the most extremely competent people. I just want to hold him. I really do. I want him to be my friend. I wish he was my father. Yeah. But also, I don't know what I'd be like if he was my father. Yeah, worse. Maybe. I mean, you'd be more into the bullshit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Side stories. Yes. Hey there, Sad Stories listeners.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
It's just kind of because especially the other things the report just drops that acts really casual about is the reversed engineered craft built to appear like UAPs from foreign intelligences. And then the idea of like they just they act like it's well known that the triangle crafts are just are built by us, which I've always a theory I had.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
But in that document, they're like, oh, no, those are ours or or those are China's.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I'd be next to him. It would be nap and nap investigates. I'd be right next to him. I'd be the son he always wanted. You'd take his name? Of course. I mean, he's your father. I guess you don't have a choice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That has been a theory I've had since when I first got into the Rendlesham Forest incident. I was reading about this, and that was a little revelation, I think, in my mind. I was like, they're copying us. They might be fascinated with us in that way, and they're trying to mimic us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's why also sometimes I wonder about whether or not it is actually an active, purposeful study of us, or it's just... There's something about us that they're attracted to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
But I would be his son. I would look after him. I'd cook and clean for him. I'd wash his clothes. I'd mend his clothes. And then we'd go on UFO hunts together, smoke cigars and drink scotch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Let me ask, though. Obviously, all this is conjecture. Why do they feel the need to hide? What is even disclosure going to do for us? Because we're violent. But, I mean, I think they're intermedium, interdimensional creatures. There's nothing we can do to hurt them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
permanently right like what is that what's the point of hiding or what and then what's the point of disclosure what is really like telling people something that we don't understand that's going on is that just going to frighten people is it just going to make people crazy
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
You'd be our butler. Yeah. Oh my God. If you were our butler. Oh, it's just like me, like dressed up like a gray walking around. It's like, here you go, Mr. Dap. You found me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
You asked for your soup. But he does that for fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, buddy. Yes, we do. Also, I got a show to pitch for you called George's Boxes where you just go through your box, you pull out a mystery, and you investigate it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's you on a UFO. That's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah. And then you have to go back to your butler uniform and get him his meals. Regardless. This is a great interview. So if you notice that we're not talking about the number one UFO story in the world. In the history of our lives. If you're wondering why they're not talking about that, it's because we recorded this directly before it happened. I think three days is generous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
No, I've never seen the movie, but I know the aliens. I know the mantis aliens are all the time. I want to know where they are. Show me something good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, come on. Come on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Oh, it is. It's a very gross little alien man. A little penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Cover his little butt. Oh, my God. It looks like my body. It really does. Technically, it's like looking in a mirror. It's not fair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Wow, you just have so many UFO cases just around you. This is literally, it's Mulder's office.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
We gotta get you an intern.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Damn, dude, this is all like this could be a good segment on Coast to Coast, too, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
It might have been one. It might have been. It literally might have been because I remember seeing footage about the drones and I was like, oh my God, we just talked to George Knapp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
People already call me crazy. People can look at it. And everybody can say I was crazy. And I can sound like a crazy person at the bus stop. That's my life. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
i mean we're like we're gonna try to get him but we are we are working on a project now to try to get him back in we're gonna talk about this with him as just kind of let you know with the entire eastern seaboard of the united states of america other states uh and countries within europe have been experiencing this buzzing of unidentified drones they're calling them drones because they don't want to call them ufos and they are out there and we have no idea what's going on we don't know if it's man-made we don't know if it's from a foreign adversary we don't know if it's from the
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
That's fascinating, George. Like that idea that they were because you everyone says that about Skinwalker Ranch. They're like, well, why isn't it happened a lot then? Like if oh, if they're everywhere, if they're out in the middle of nowhere, why have we only a wise Skinwalker Ranch, the only celebrity version of the the evil haunted ranch?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And just like it seems like the phenomena is all over the country.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I don't know. It normally happened to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And then you just sound like you're from an insane asylum. He's like, sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
um that's fascinating you just ignore that not put it in the files because somebody will think it's crazy or do you just follow the evidence where it leads that is man george what a life so cool thank you so much for sharing this stuff with us is there before we go is there like a white whale for you is there like a thing out there you want to land besides just literally having lunch with an alien well um
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
ocean. We don't know if it's extraterrestrials. We don't know if it's us. We don't know if it's private corporations. And where does that leave us? We're talking about the congressional hearings. On this documentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not talking about any of that. So remember that. We're not talking about any of that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, there's nothing you could do. You literally could show up with an alien on a tour. You could do a dual stand-up show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
We're talking about the big alien news that happened two days before this big alien news.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
No one cared about. The revelation about Immaculate Constellation. George Knapp also is the host of the brand new show, Investigation Alien, which is on Netflix. Go check it out. He's... The most reputable man in the biz. Absolutely. And the Phoenix Lights are a very big part of that, and it seems like they're oddly similar. They're extremely similar to what we're experiencing right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
This is real. And you're part of the reason why you're part of the reason why we're here because of the work that you've done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah, he thought this stuff was stupid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And now he's into it. So you won, George. And I'm actually a little actually angry a little bit. Because it took to you and Joy. Again, can't wait to come to the opening night party for Vincent's Secret. I know that you're going to show the world what a true investigative journalist's body looks like. And I want to say thank you for actually wearing some of the samples just on the show today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Absolutely. So go check out Investigation Aliens and go check out Weaponized with George Knapp and Jeremy Corbyn. Thank you, guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I think some of you are getting thinner. But I want you bottom heavy. I mean, that's how I like you. But it depends on what, you know, a lot of people get upset because they can't fit in their bucket seats anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Dude, thank you so much, Mr. Knapp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
See you. And we got to come to that house sometime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
So check out this interview with the man himself, George Knapp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have one of the more, let's say one of, if not one of the most important voices right now in ufology, George Knapp, investigative reporter, model. I can't believe that they let you out of your contract with Vincent Secret, the new male lingerie series that you're about to unveil, which I'm really, really excited for, sir.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I was about to say this. And it's just blown up. Mr. Knapp, and the creator of the new show for Netflix, Investigation Alien, which is a great new, I'd say it's an awesome primer, too, to get people caught up with what's going on right now at the forefront of ufology. George Knapp, thank you so much for being here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
They can't go on their Green Lantern ride. Oh, my God. You got to be careful with that. But if you're having a big swing and tuck us. You got to have, you know, you got to be careful with Six Flags. You really do because they won't tell you that you're too big for the ride. You got to tell yourself. That's right. Because they'll just let you die. They don't care. They're teenagers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
boxes and files they made it even messier just to convince people that i'm a total slob and and basically on the you know on the edge of being a hoarder but that's i wouldn't trust it either way yeah i would not i would not trust you if it was different if you if i went in there and it was all neat i'd be like what's going on here he's got this time yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yeah. Hey, the secrets, that's what they get the three for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
When you started the process of investigation aliens, how did you decide what were the stories you wanted to tell for the episodes? Because it really I mean, it's a great that's what I was saying before. It's like a great catch up. But like, was that the goal or was it just because I have these stories, I want to get them on camera.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
I don't know. No, no, they're not a sponsor. No, Six Flags, honestly, I like that about them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Weaponize is a full time job. And you guys are really like and you are you're still putting out episodes with brand new material that you are breaking every week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Yes, that they don't want nothing to do with us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
Oh yeah, that's right. You're still there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
No, of course not. No, don't tell me what to do. Don't body police me. Don't tell me, but sometimes you might slide out of a roller coaster. Welcome to Side Stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
So you're still doing like, that's right. You're still doing legit quote unquote. I'm not going to say that to us. I'm not going to do that to us and say not legit news, but you're still like, you have to go talk about the election and stuff. Like you still have to go talk about other stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
How did that work when you first went out? Was it just because like, oh, this is so successful, we're going to do this? Or they're like, oh, no, no, we need to actually go to Brazil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Investigation Alien w/ George Knapp
All I've been waiting for is a police officer to hand me a gun and say, if the aliens come, shoot him in the head. And it's all I've wanted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. I'm coming in hot this week. I solved the murder by myself in my office over the break. I know everything that's happened. I know everything that will happen. Just in time. The key is now I'm deleting it. So I'm going to forget the man I was. I was a private detective for about eight days.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Honestly, that's how I should have started the show, with a six-pack like Matthew McConaughey. When he's in the interrogation room. And just keep opening up and then cutting them into little men, you know, and I'm like cutting the little men in half.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
See, but who kills somebody in shorts in January?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It is for the delusional. That's for an out-of-towner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But he's from Wisconsin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
He's lying to everyone. He always got his feet out. I know he's cold. I know you're cold. Wisconsinites, I know a lot of you like that. You wear shorts. 40 degrees, washing your car like you're some kind of hero. I know you're cold. You're lying to yourself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You know, when do you want me to jump in? Do you want to wait to the end? Do you want to wait to the end before I start? Don't just pick it apart piece by piece. That's not fun. I'm not going to do this to us, Marcus. I just am sitting here. That's great. So you're going to be silent for the rest of the show. That's amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
As a co-host of the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I think what's most important in an audio medium is to reflect. And I sit and I listen. And I'm just, I'm holding space for whatever it is that you do. Sure, sure. Actually, let me interrupt you there. It's just fun. It's a fun bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
She said, you want extra pillow? No. What kind of hotel is this? It doesn't ever end.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I'm curious, but at the end of the day, I don't care. Eddie, you should care. You know why? Because if I was a highly artistic, motivated, full of himself serial killer, and I mean this with all love because of how much I love you and how close we are. the fun of playing with your guts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And part of the reason why they said a black-haired girl is because the pictures of Elizabeth Short that were in the newspaper, they had black hair, which shows that they probably didn't see her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because they saw the old picture of her, and then now they're thinking about the old picture of her when they think about Elizabeth Short, and now they are blowing that out to think about every diminutive, bow-lipped...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
black haired girl that would be also escorts are known to wear wigs when they work you know so they don't like so they don't get found out when they're out being a normal person you're correct she could have been wearing a wig whenever they saw her i don't believe elizabeth short was an escort she was not no she was not a call girl we'll get to the sex worker angle well escort not a sex worker they just enjoy a good time with that's what we did with together in nosferatu yeah it was your escort
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Oh, I was just some prostitute enjoying popcorn with you?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Thank you. And honestly, just go to henrysbrowski.com and have me escort you to your own. Like, you know, I'm ready.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Escort Ferratu.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
No one's been known to exaggerate anything. I mean, there's a shitload of blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
If you think it's Dylan, if you think it's him, it doesn't mean that she wasn't killed in that room by a different person. I don't know. Yeah. Someone was killed in the room unless someone had a fucking hell of a period. You know, it's funny. They do believe that the blood was not as spread all over the bed, and it was period blood. Really? Yes. Who is they? The police.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
We're going to get to the grand jury. We're going to get to the grand jury. But the police never saw the room. We're going to get there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I've made a few Bloody Rooms myself. Yes, because my name is Pew!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Oh, yeah, dude. We didn't talk about the werewolf murders. We didn't talk about all the kind of other stuff. There was a bunch of unsolved lady murders that happened. It seems like, though, everyone's like 15 minutes from here, 20 minutes from there. Traffic was great back then. It really was, dude. What do you think about? But I think it's just the coverage that Black Holly had.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
How thick and meaty would be to like, because that's the thing, serial killers, they always do with these skinny minis. Where it's like, the idea of coming at you, like how much fun playing with your tits. I'd be easy to drug and poison too. You'd just take Anything. Yeah, I love to eat and drink. Especially if you meet him at a concert. Oh, my God, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Oh, no. Because it's so funny because they're like, you look at how she got all around. She went from downtown to the valley to Hollywood. I was like, how the fuck could she even get there? She didn't have a car. Yeah, well, they had the red car.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Well, time to go pile laundry for the next year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You can put it on the weed that you give me. Dude, just fucking the idea of playing with your big fat cheeks and playing with your cut-off body parts. It does take a lot to take me down, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Well, he says it does. This all came out after the fact, though. And we all know that he's a shady-ass dude. Everybody's shady.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I'm ready. That is true. I still feel like I could hit you with a cast iron.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
This is... Why do you love Mark Hanson so much? What did he do for you? He finally gave me a shot at being the number one girl at this wonderful place. Have you been to the mayonnaise balcony? He said that I could sing any song I want. So the first song I sang was, hey, get me some beer or I'm going to shit on the floor. And then I got fired. That's a 12-minute song. It is. It is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
When I fight, I fall on top of you, and then I just smother your head into the ground a bunch of times until it becomes spaghetti.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
So I got fired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
So I'll always thank him for giving me my shot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I see buckets of blood every day. I know what buckets of blood look like. I see them every day. I have them in my home. I have them in my car.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That's because you're a pussy. You're not a real man like me. I'm a doctor. I look at blood. I look at blood. I read blood. I know blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Also, the room was on discount for all the blood and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It was already a shady place because that was the thing. It's where, to be honest, in a way, it sounds actually, you know, sort of in a madam style way that Clara Hoffman was looking after some of the sex workers that were living in there and that she was burning that as you burn the evidence that they were there, which is because they were constantly going after. There was so many different vices.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
They were constantly looking up, which is still like the heart of the corruption of the LAPD. I think a lot of it was getting into racketeering and sex work, human trafficking. Yeah. And that's so they were actually maybe kind of helping that that way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It's the closest we ever got. It's the closest we ever got.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I just can't believe Marcus fingered him. Well, his name was Leslie. And when you were already there, by the time you get there, if you're not going to finger him, you're filled with hate. So you might as well do it because you don't want to be a homophobe. If he brings you there, I want to make sure I'm making them feel, again, creating space.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Jeff! Oh, I forgot about you. Oh, Jeff, you did it again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You said that the crime was solved at the beginning of the very series, Marcus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And nothing says full-grown adult like a tiny hat. These bellhops, man. These guys are corrupt as fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
They're a little like, I thought... I don't know why. Again, we talked about this before how Leslie Dillon is Rob Schneider from Home Alone 2, but they all are. Every one of these bellhops are like a little criminal syndicate. They're always lingering, always taking down mental notes. They know everything. They know where you sleep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
They know what your bags look like.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Ladies, don't let yourself get pimped by a bellhop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
There's no way that Leslie Dillon and Mark Hanson did not know and work together. There are two pimps that are working out of the same fucking building. But pimp is a word that is, like, it is a spectrum. So there's a spectrum. There's, like, there are people that have taken money, right? Like, there's a low-level version. It's kind of like when you're talking about human trafficking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
All human trafficking is not a bunch of Indonesian women in a U-Haul being trucked across state lines. Human trafficking is as simple as buying a lady that is underage a fucking plane ticket to come to you to have sex. So pimping has also got a spectrum. Pimping has territories as well. You can't really cross them. Eddie, you're talking about high level. Again, this is high level. These are not
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
professional pimps. These are people that have taken money very casually from sex workers at the time that they have set up, they've brokered little things for them, but these are nowhere near professional pimps. Leslie Dillon and Mark Hanson, he's an L.A. pimp, which is a casting director. And so that's what he was. But so was Dillon. Even though he was in San Francisco, he was also in L.A.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I'm bringing him down with me. I said him stuff. He read it. We talked about it. No, you're wrong. Well, you know.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
He was a light... pimp he was more so a across the spectrum small time criminal if you're at a 10 room hotel and there are two pimps they know each other well that's the reason why it's probable that mark hansen wasn't there and it's probable that leslie dylan isn't as big of a pimp as they made him out to be
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Well, they were definitely on the outs because and it really honestly, I can't believe that because the conflict wasn't with Mark Hansen in the house. It was with the other ladies.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I don't think the ladies are trying to bring her back. But then who were those people? I think that they were the other people she pissed off. The ladies? I think that we're also trying to, I don't think we're, I think we're slightly minimizing how many people Elizabeth can piss off in a very short period of time. That is true.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I do think that she was, as she got more desperate, and this is not victim blaming, her behavior got worse. Yeah. That as she got more desperate, she was calling more and more people that did not want her around. And eventually what she was doing, which to me, which would lead to her eventual death, is burn so many bridges with her lies. Because it was the lies.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It was telling one people she's going someplace and then not going there and then going and then stealing money and like being very, you know, she was a she was a homeless woman.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And then you have to make awful decisions in order to survive. And so I think that's what she was doing and it did lead to her death.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I work good pudding. This is fucking... But literally, it's not oatmeal. It's just understanding that this is the one theory. And oatmeal is a great breakfast. It is. In oatmeal's defense. You get the yogurt. I know, but I'll do oatmeal too. Because of Wilford Brimley.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Or he just dumped her there and left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Even just the lead up, I could tell a micropenis was coming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Never a wow. Never. But we said this last time, and it is, remember, when you do see a micropenis, always say goodbye. Put it in an aggressive role. If you see a micropenis. You go, nice. Yeah.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yes. That's what you say. That's what you say, yeah. Wow. Or just be nice. Be nice. Be nice. Never. You know what you don't do? Aw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
More of a, if you feel aw, go yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You know, I think that's how you become a black dollar.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah. And, you know, all of my leashes are covered in blood. Yeah. Well, it's different. Your dogs openly bleed. That's what they like to do. And you're supporting them.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It was in the all the blood was on the bed.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
This is one of the most important points in this entire story is one of these is this question. Well, because there's a lot of people. If you read Severed, right, like that's the big book.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yes, so the idea that she was force-fed shit in her torture is this big thing, which connects it to the Astor Motel. I'm in the John Douglas camp that believes what you had was that you do have someone with surgical experience. that did cut somebody in half in order to transport them.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But the reason why is that because the proper medical actual procedure to cut someone in half and have them live was not invented for another 20 years. So that was like a thing for a while. People thought maybe this doctor knew how to do that. But that was not around until the 1960s.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And also, there was some lying on Dr. Deriva's part where he then, in order- He's getting the job done. Which is, you know, Eddie, sometimes you gotta lie a little bit. I have truly no problems with Dr. Deriva's ideas. I have no problem. If I was allowed, if I was an unofficial fake doctor that arrived at the police and convinced the gangster squad.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
So whatever they did, they did expertly cut through the spine, but they did not expertly cut through the gastrointestinal system. So what that then led was to a backload of shit or half. You gotta, you know, you know the saying, you wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs. She could be the first person on this surgery. So if you wanna make a shit-filled woman, you cut her in half.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Great advice, Eddie. I'm so glad you said that.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I still believe it's the single most important point in the entire case. Of course, where they found the body. Yes.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You know what's funny? I really, I think this proves the opposite. I do. How?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But what if I did? Well, just because BTK... In the very, very end, his action said, I did want everybody to know about it. And that if I did want to go and live independently as a dog catcher, I absolutely could have. And I've kind of laughed my way all over the bank and no one would have known.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And I think that that's the reason why if Leslie Dillon did this as an as an extra overkill for a mob boss and then made it one of the most famous crime scenes in the face of the planet, I think that he would then get whacked himself. I don't think that someone like how does that I just those things just don't mesh together.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But BTK, exactly. But Leslie Dillon, because all he wanted was notoriety. BTK was an actual serial killer. How did they find anyone else with the letter D carved in them? Well, then we'll get into the world if you want to, which I don't want to, which is the werewolf kills, which is a whole other fucking setup. Are we sure? Because what's her name? Jaune. What's the next?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
There was a crime that eclipsed the Black Dahlia right after this. What do you believe is Jean Straight?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And that had another initial carved in that was like a whole other copycat thing they tried to put together, but we don't know. That's one of those we just don't fucking know.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Thank you, Eddie. If I arrived and I was this, you know, this forensics guy, I'm just making shit up as I go. This is exactly how we would do this. It is. You know, the worst part is the guy who has the most information is the one who's filled with the most shit. How often have we talked about this? Aleister Crowley.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because they had him on the Santa Monica vault robbery, right?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And then they had him on rape.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, and it was also, at the time, one of those fun things where it wasn't necessarily the hugest crime necessary. It was a whole, like, he was considered a romance guy. He was an extreme romance man. Make America great again. Yeah. And we're finally going to get the chance.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Dude, they cocked it up to the fucking stratosphere. That's the main point of this entire theory, is that I think not even just they didn't want Leslie Dillon to see the light of day, they didn't want anything to see the light of day, because as soon as you lift that lid, you're going to see they just let... Some fake doctor go with their uncontrollable police squad, the gangster squad.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
These guys that are allowed to do whatever they want. They're not checking in with the police chief. They are literally completely, they are a gang unto themselves. And they're letting them run wild and no one wants anything to come out because they're like, oh my God, everyone's going to see that we're a bunch of criminals.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Once you got to the grand jury, it didn't matter.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Madame Blavatsky.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But there is truth in that.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It makes sense, though, in a weird way, because they should have solved the fucking murder by now. You haven't done it.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But also, I actually, Eddie, I don't think you're necessarily wrong. I also think that the the concept of Dr. Deriver fucking shit up really fuck things up for them. Like, I think that they allowed it all like the corruption was just it goes past just active corruption into laziness where you're watching them all like this whole thing becomes this big crime oatmeal bowl. because of this.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It's true. Later on. But then, Dr. Deriver, what he did was he lied to Leslie Dillon, and the way he got him on the hook was saying, how about I offer you a job as my assistant?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because you got some cops that are just straight up taking bribes. You got the hat squad, the gangster squad. They're like just beating people up for no fucking reason. Yeah, you got the bellhops. You can't trust a goddamn bellhop. The nightclub owners are fingering you in the butthole. Everybody is a fucking suspect and no one's nice.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I mean, she's a hero. Aggie Underwood is like something else. She is the coolest person in this whole story.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Quick, how did you get this hat to Los Angeles? You got it, absolutely. I'll ride my suitcase. I don't understand here. How many syndicates are we looking at? We got the regular mafia. We've got show business. We've got the police, the LAPD. We have got Bellops. We have got, I'm trying to think, all the other various criminal organizations that are happening.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The service industry.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The prohibition. You've got the people coming in the, well, not in time.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It was after, yeah. But in terms of just gangsters, you've got Bubsy Siegel, just straight up the normal, the big time. You've got the Jewish mafia.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
So this is a lot. Everybody's scheming something. It's like Los Angeles is a sea of various syndicates all competing to be the biggest criminal organization. Well, because no one was running this town back then. Nah, man. True freedom.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because the key is, too, everybody's got—if you've got three scams going on, and then you have something as atomic as the Black Dahlia murder—
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land into this into everybody's world right it becomes this thing i like to uh someone put this i want to say james elroy talked about how elizabeth short is one of the most influential people in los angeles and she was only there for six months which is like one of the most that's so la yeah as it is that's so and like but they're they're uh it's it's fascinating
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Let me know doo-doo's one of them. It could be. Fertilizer, maybe? But have we... Thought about jelly. No one's talked about jelly. No one's talked about it. No one's talked about it.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
shows up, drops off. And we all know the Dutch have sweet tooth. They do. They do. They do love their jellies. I could see Santa maybe getting a little too crazy at the Astro Motel. Yeah, he's like, Matt, where are my cookies? Why'd you leave out these danishes? Yeah, exactly. You know, I don't know. So I could also say it could be raspberry.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
What are those?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I like extra legal. Did he have teeth when they were done with him?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That's different. Maybe he said something like that to prove his innocence in a weird way.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Now he's getting it.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
As soon as you start looking into the quantum facts, like if you get on a quantum level, it begins to fall apart. I mean, there's definitely more than one person involved. Oh, yeah. But, well, according to... I don't know. I've been thinking this. This whole time there was more than one person. But I do think that... John Douglas makes a point. Two people can keep a secret if one of them's dead.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah. So maybe whoever did it killed the other one. There's no way. I feel like the same way about the JFK assassination. There's no fucking way. That secret's too juicy. For someone did not give in, someone would give in. There could be people we've never even heard of that were killed the same day as Elizabeth Short, ditched in a different place, and when we have no fucking idea.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I made a joke about Deborah Tall, but yes. She was there, and honestly, one of the craziest things I've ever seen, split down the middle. That's insane.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yes, vertical. That's fucking crazy. Split inside. Crazy. Like a fucking beautiful piece of Branzino. God, I love a Branzino. Me too.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
What do you think of this? What do you think of this? This is what you think of Southern?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
How about this? How about we're going over here? How about this? Look, that's literally all they did. They just drove in front of the Astor Motel and were like...
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because she was so young, right?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
She was sexy. She was kind of a vibe about her. But I think that, yeah, no. No, not this theory. No.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It's also good just straight up because he really did believe he was innocent. And that he felt that Mark Hanson was getting pulled in and maybe it's because he does other shit. And it's all the side gigs.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I think it's a part of paying back the debt. Absolutely. But what if he just did all these other crimes? This is the problem. If you do every other crime but the Black Dahlia murder, they can still cover up for you, but it doesn't necessarily have to be for the Black Dahlia murder. It's because you're fucking fully in bed with a bunch of other criminals, and now you're all trying to save your ass.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, because maybe if Mark Hanson didn't do it, if they looked into Mark Hanson deep enough, all of them would go down for other shit. Oh, of course.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That is my big thing.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
He gave them money. Yeah. He was super helpful.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It's like him sitting on a jet ski. This jet ski is so important to my investigative process.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Are you confused? Now, when you say the Black Dahlia murder site, are you saying the Astor Hotel?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I wish I knew who I was. Mr. Hoffman, there's blood in cabin three again. No, I went and looked at it. It was jelly. Santa. I'm coming after him. Did he leave his credit card? Is that why the blood was delicious?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yes, I know, right? And how about that brown? I like a dark brown for certain.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
There's a bump near to fill a human body. In mine. See you soon, right?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Absolutely. Yes. I feel like that's the main note, because I do think you have a grand jury looking at... this mess.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yes, so, like, everything was a fucking mess. Yes, and there was lots of murder in Los Angeles at this point. Damn!
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
and high profile murders you remember right before this it was the three little girls and that fucking rape murder series that was horrible there was a series again the werewolf murders there was the this was a all the gangland murders like bugsy seagull was killed five months it's gotta be almost impossible to solve a murder in los angeles in this time even if you're not corrupt but that's it's the issue well i'm waiting to my point i gotta get to my i'm gonna wait for it
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But Dr. Deriver, it is, I remember reading an article, one of the last things I had read about him was that they'd found him right before his death. This, like, reporter wanted to hear about all this. And Dr. Deriver is... He answered, it's just like a fucking film noir. It was like in the late 80s.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And then he went to this like Hollywood mansion and he went up there and he knocked on the door and the door opens and Dr. DeRiver's in his, his ascot and his robe and he has a gun. And he comes out and he's just like, are you the man that I'm supposed to see?
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And he's just like, yeah, buddy, yeah. And he's just being like, I never know who's coming to kill me. I never know who's on the other side of the storm.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And they went crazy. They're like, Jesus fucking Christ, buddy. All right, guys. I think maybe we should switch the decaf.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I think her waist just did that. Yeah. I think he's a fucking suspect, man. Dylan? Well, no. Poo Eatwell. Poo Eatwell? Yes, he is. He's right in the name.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
He's right in the name.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Finally, farewell will receive my poo. World of information.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Why would the bellhops cover for him when they got other crimes going on? They would gladly give up the Black Dahlia murder so that they could be absolved of other things. Because all the bellhops work together, and Dylan's got information on the other bellhop, so if he takes him down, he's going to take him down to some other shit. But if that's stealing hats, it's the Black Dahlia murder.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And now I also say our next hero, a man by the, one of the most grumpy men to ever live. No, no, no. You seem very sweet actually. I think the actor was very nice. I think it was a character he played. Oh no, he was big on the track. He would always lose all his money at the track. He was gambled away millions.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I've heard he was, and that just makes me like him more. Wow. I like somebody who loses all their money.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I think it's cute. So one of the grumpiest men that we're ever going to meet, honestly, Larry Harnish, who's going to come in, spoiler, next episode, is that he says one of the most poignant statements I have heard about this whole case, which is that you'll find...
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
that the people with some of the least to do with this are so excited to get themselves involved in this case and that they show up and they are excited. I think that when you first go to the Astor Motel and you ask all these questions about Elizabeth Short, I think that your first reaction You want to give the cop a good answer. You do.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Probably because you're also showing up and leaning on them until they do give you something. But I think that it's very exciting At very first blush to be a part of this story.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But then what Larry Harnish says, but you notice when I talk to the family members, anyone that this case has actually touched, it destroyed their lives so thoroughly that they never want to have anything to do with this ever again. They don't want to talk about it. And so those family members. Yeah. But it's not just family members. It's like the people that actually knew her.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Even if it didn't, you'd say, hey, I don't know if it necessarily points towards his involvement as much as it points towards this guy's a fucking weirdo. Which is kind of what they were looking for, which which is, you know, it's a flawed way to look for a candidate because you can't just say, oh, you're fucking weird. You got a long Frankenstein looking head like you.
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Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The people that like, the people who are around these people. So this story, like these are looky-loos. Like that's how I view it. They are looky-loos that at first were super excited about being involved in the case. But the problem with dumb, impulsive people is they don't understand the consequences of their actions. And then once they finally are like, oh wow, it's a big deal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You go down to the courthouse, You got the cops everywhere. The judge is staring you. Now it's real. Now this isn't just me standing on the street telling you kind of what I thought sort of happened. Now it's like, oh, I better... I gotta say something. Maybe that's where the truth comes. I don't know. I have no idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But that's why they're different. There are brave witnesses. This is somebody that...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Definitely. This is a pillar of the Black Dahlia story because this is also, this whole storyline is the natural timeline that happened at the time. Everything else now is going to be after the grand jury.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You must be the Black Dahlia killer. You asked to be involved in this investigation when they don't realize, like at the time. Now we know now we definitely know that all of these types of cases involve black. many different hoaxers and con artists that want to get up involved with something, anything that will give them attention.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, you fucking idiots.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I saw y'all, you pieces of shit. How many people were like, oh, they're willing to do three episodes? Oh, definitely not. I knew that. I had an idea of that, that that was the things we're going to change as soon as we got into it, dude. Because, man, I think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Where was he?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Where was he? The war was over. Was he done with killing? I don't think so. He wasn't president yet. And as we know now, presidents are immune of all crimes. Yeah. So actually, good for him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Marcus, I'm so excited that we're doing this because obviously we're going to go into a little bit of the... I'm going to say the man who should not be named.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because everybody fucking has covered this guy, but we're going to cover exactly why it's stupid that people think that this guy is the guy, I think, personally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And a Los Angeles character means... And then the other one is Walter. Well, the other one's my favorite. The other one's my favorite, which is, again, but I will say, Marcus, I'm agnostic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Very passionate and very sure. The whole episode, the last thing I would say is agnostic. Because you know what I know now? What? No, it's how little I know. That's what I know now. Now I'm aware of how little I actually know. I like how heated it gets during a mystery. We've got to do more mysteries.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because he doesn't like it when I come from behind. He works and then I go down in the shadows and I come up with new things and surprise and delight him and make him angry. That's why I love doing the SeaWorld. Telecom did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It doesn't work like that, does it, Marcus?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And plus, he always wanted to make a Russian nesting doll out of a person. And we all do. And the hardest part is the littlest one because you got to get a hold of a preemie. And it's hard because you ever take one right out of the oven? That's why the doctors wear gloves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It drives people absolutely insane. It has ruined Larry Harnish's life. We'll talk about this. I love you, Larry. I'm going to say this to you right now. This is a message directly to Larry Harnish. I know you don't like true crime podcasts, right? I know you don't like them. But I'm going to let you know. We're going to tell your side of the story. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
We're going to tell your side of the story, and you're going to be mad about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And we might even be slightly flippant, and you're going to be angry. But I want you to know, I'm hearing you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And this story is what gets people into true crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
ever since this is one of those introductory stories that brings people in which is also shows here it's like and i feel like i like to show a little bit of our dynamic yeah you can see that this is how people yell about mysteries um and you can see us physically do it on our patreon.com slash last podcast on the left you can see us flap you see my tits go back and forth twitch.tv slash lpn tv we are back it is the year 2025
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Isn't it the future?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Do you know, I was one of those who was like, I'm going to die early.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Because I was into Chris Farley and John Belushi and stuff like that, so I thought I was going to die. I imagine I thought I was going to coach football or something. I thought you wanted to be governor. No. No. I never wanted to be governor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I didn't want to be governor of fucking Florida. That's great because it's sinking. You have less state to deal with. You know what? You know where we should be talking about is this Saturday. Yeah. We're going to be in Atlanta. A week from Saturday. A week from Saturday. Next week, we are in Atlanta at the Coca-Cola Roxy. I can't fucking wait to be back in town. Yeah. It's going to be great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Huge, huge. Yeah. And then we're doing side stories live at Dad's Garage. But that's already sold out. So you got to go see the last podcast on a left show at the Coca-Cola Roxy on January 11th. And you can't make that fly to Dallas. Fly to Dallas. Fucking get in a cabin, get in a covered wagon to fucking Nashville. Take a moped to Detroit. Don't take a moped to Detroit. It's going to be cold.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Thank you, Mike. It's good work. Thank you. Great work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, that's cool. You are presenting all of the information.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The information exists and you are presenting it. And if you didn't do that, then you wouldn't be doing your fucking job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You're right. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But guess what? It's not going to stop here. We already have our next couple series lined up. Yeah. We know what we're doing. I'm very, very excited for 2025.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And we're finally going to find out who killed Nicole Brown Simpson. Honestly, that's my main goal. And what happened to the waiter? What happened to that waiter?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Crazy. That's crazy. It's a great waiter. And apparently the only tip he got It was a knife tip. All right, guys, let's go. Hey, hail Satan on your season.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Hail Black Dahlia Murder, the band. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, they're friends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Hey, Black Dahlia Murder, how you doing? Good work, guys. Is it responsible, the name of your band?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Maybe they're fucking dead. See you, fuckers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Okay. Because I had nothing but time. I had nothing but weed. Baldur's Gate. You were following people? I was going to go home everywhere, asking them, you know Elizabeth Short? Yeah? Do you know Deborah Tall? Yeah. But no, this is the, oh man, I'm dragging Marcus down fucking with me, man. I'm dragging his fucking ass down to the fucking hole with me, bro.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, because of the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dog loves phenobarbital. She could use more sleep. She's always waking me up in the middle of the night, so maybe I should start jamming more down her throat. That's what I'm learning. Tootsie, actually, it was really sweet of her. She offered me a bump the other night. And I was just like, no, I'm sorry, I'm driving. I can't. It was on a key. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Wrap it up. Yeah. That seems like a case closed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Again, just a fucking weirdo. Yes. This is just a weirdo. The idea of drawing, I draw my initials on things because I'm asked to for legal documents. Oh, yeah. Keep it on the LD.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
No one found out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
This is all in the pro Leslie Dillon did it category. Sure. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Now, this is another fun, which is now what I've learned about the Black Dahlia. Upon deepening my investigation, you know, hours upon hours, putting a note to you, What you discover is that every single big point in Black Dahlia is an awesome and complicated point of contention. Yes. And that there is somebody had just written something that it's completely debunked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Every single thing that you say, no matter what you say, no matter what you say, it's almost like there is no reality at the very center of this case. So the Astro Motel is the next big moment that you're like, what the fuck is this? What is happening here? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, they're being like, he never did anything unless you pushed him easily. Yeah. And he was never prone to violence unless he was inside. You're going to slip up, Ma. No, no, no. Like, you only stabbed the chicken in front of us once. God damn it! Again with the chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You cut its tits off and you stuffed it up the cavity. Wait!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You don't come to my house and get your dick sucked. At a shittier hotel. Honestly... We come here to pray.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I'm making him worse. Well, it doesn't matter what your theory is, because even if you're right, all the evidence has been destroyed and there's no way to prove it. Some of it might be hidden.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Brown and red.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
This is the year we wash the sheets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Everybody gather around. Burn the ones we can't keep. It was a fun Los Angeles ritual. So I think that's how you got to start looking at the laundromats and the drag cleaners.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, yeah, time to fly a circle. Give me six beers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That's who knows because you want me to cover up this murder. Now he's thinking like a fucking detective.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, exactly. Super complicated. Makes things harder than they need to be. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That's me. I kind of share him with the Syphilis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This whole story, the only way I could put this is that it's a fucking, it's a heist movie mixed with, it's crazy. It's a Quentin Tarantino movie on a boat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And nutmeg. Yeah. Everyone loves Nutmeg. Which Amazon still sells.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yeah. Oh, God, yes. Of course. Honestly, just to celebrate this story, I bought several pounds of Nutmeg just through Amazon, and I just left it out in the rain. I mean, just to let it rot. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm just using it to dye my skin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We're going to have a sidebar with that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yeah. We're about to get a Roy Cohn's fucking helping of history aids right now because this is going to be a it's thick. But I do think that it's extremely important to set up the stakes, like why everybody is doing this in the first place. Yeah. And why everyone's so afraid to fuck up. It's like literally once because there's no coming back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Don't wear it out. It's been a long time since I've been this excited. This is a really fun episode. This is a, I cannot wait. Series, rather. This whole series comes from a topic. I have no idea how I had not heard about this topic before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Thank you, Peter! Oh, Peter, thank you so much, Peter. Peter, sometimes I think about what it would be like to taste your seed. To kiss you up. I wish to fuck and to suck you. I've always wanted to fuck and suck a man named after penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Some of them are getting slaughtered by your co-workers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's your office crashes. Your office crashes and everyone has to fight for themselves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We are. And just pay attention, too. Just pay attention. Lock in. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Okay, I'll do my best, but you know me. So stupid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So we're trying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And that's the British India Company? Fuck yeah. Eddie, I swear to God, you're already, we have to maintain control.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He who owns the spice runs the universe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yes! But it's kind of crazy. People just sat around eating shit, right? All day. That's why all this food, all European food is like boiled fucking roots and old stinky lamb and all this kind of shit. So why isn't it improved?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Being rich fucking sucks. Honestly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You just get really fucking bored. And I don't get it. You either become P. Diddy or you become like, you just collect typewriters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We just like spices as humans. We've come to like them. I guess, I don't know how we discovered spices. I think literally just came from chewing on shit. Could be. Because, you know, I didn't know pepper was a tree. I had no idea pepper was a tree.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I didn't know where it came from. I'll tell you what, man. I'd fucking kill a girl for some Chef Paul's magic seasoning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Paul Prudhomme. I got the same seasoning from Paul Prudhomme. Honestly, there are sometimes... The poultry is not to be slept on as well. I love the poultry seasoning. And I looked at even just like Holden's daughter came over last night to the house. She looked delicious. And there's a little part of me that was just like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And that's why we begin our 25-episode series now. Dawn of man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I just imagine, what if that Paul Prudhomme was in the center of her torso? Could I get it? And, yeah. Yeah. And I just feel like I have earned it. Meanwhile, you put it there to go kill her. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Bring me the Spice!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm afraid to say this, Doctor. It seems that nutmeg has no effect on this patient. Get me a candy cane! Yes! The only thing that will cure this man's cancer! Here's peppermint. What do you think, is that RFK Jr.?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I think it's super important for people to pray, spice, and do natural things to heal yourself. It's good because I can kill whales on the move. I wish I could. If I could, I'd kill a baby also, but for nothing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yes. What a good time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I mean, I don't know. It's yummy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Not in my beer. Old time. If it's not... Literally Thanksgiving Day, I will have a nutmeg beer. But otherwise, I'm going to have a nutmeg anywhere. I have nutmeg maybe once. You put a little bit in there. But honestly, like a potato gratin, nutmeg's actually really good uplifting flavor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm not saying, yeah. If that was the only beer, yeah, I'm drinking nutmeg beer. But I'm saying I don't live then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Nut. In Meg. Yeah. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So it's fucking telling you about, dude. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Fucking have horny ass dreams eating a bunch of nutmeg, man. You were telling me about this?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
In your sleep. Dreaming last night on Miss Farley, my pecker was up this morning early. And I was fain without my gown to raise in the cold to get him down. Hard shift, alas, but yet assured, although it be no pleasing cure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I need the boners. I must have the boners to have sex with my nephew.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
All right, but what if I've already eaten? Like, listen, buddy, I'm hearing you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I ate like three ball bearings yesterday. There's a bunch around in there. Like, how do I know what's nut and what's bearing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's like that fancy coffee.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Uh, this tastes like your fart. Yes, it's like butt eggs. It seems you are the cleverest lady I've ever laid nutmegs upon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I don't want to be murdered over nutmeg. So who was almost killed?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The term and word nutmeg will eventually begin to lose meaning. What? during this section. But that's okay. It's just not... It really is like the most boring spice of all of them. This entire story centers on nutmeg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Because you just are out there, man. When you go that far out into the ocean and you just don't know how big it is, you start to learn. That's insane. To attempt this is so out of context. I would not do this, obviously. I'm a comedian. I say inside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, you would be killed immediately on the boat. And also, it's just like, why not just... Say you destroyed it if you lost it. I'd be like, I felt threatened, so I destroyed it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
People can't, because people can't keep secrets. And then when people start showing up at your secret little Heidi pepper spot, you're going to get really angry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You're ruining your son's attractiveness.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Now, weren't they all apart? Like, there was their big, like, war. 18 years war. There's a lot of stuff that I had. Habsburg. Holy Roman Empire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Charles V. I had to skip over a lot of stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
What I love about this whole story, too, is it all starts with somebody sitting in the middle of England going, man, I wish I had an orange. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Because weren't they cut out? Like that was like a part of it. They were a part of it because of the 18 years war. One of the long story shorts is that they were cut out of the spice trade and they had to figure they really had to figure out their own way to get their own shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And it's one of the most powerful aspects of the human animal. The fact that we can understand in 4D space in reality a concept and make it real. Like a corporation doesn't exist. Corporation isn't anything. You can't arrive like, yes, there are buildings a corporation owns. Corporations are people, right? Yeah. They are very big people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Very, very big people that we can't seem to see the head or the arms or the legs of. But it's interesting in that just our language can create a concept that then can become just as real as a building.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You wait till you see the broccoli squads coming from Zuckerberg around here to make sure we're all liking NBC's fucking tweets. This is going to happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Over nutmeg. Yeah, dude. And you know that these guys are all like... It's just nutmeg. They're on this island being like, we don't even like the nutmeg. It's everywhere. We're sick of nutmeg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Take it. Just pay for it. Take the nutmeg. What do we give a fucking shit?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
No, no. It was a lot more willy-nilly. Humans, human life, oh, no, actually, Eddie, I think that human life, its cost has not increased with inflation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I want one now. Hey, hey, tell me, Clark, do you like eggnog? Yeah. You know that brown dust? Yeah. On top of it, that nutmeg, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Man, I could just see the inauguration, just like the four of them. It's just like, you know, the dudes with the big metal hats and guys with just big like sacks of flour and stuff, just like hanging out. Those are the billionaires?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Only sinister because you are not in it. Because when we are together, hanging out, just the 17 of us, we are having some of the best times of our lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We're going to have the best show of our lives, boys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Indigo is also a big thing. All of this is in Civ VI, which I've never been, I've never been into trading. I feel like the trading in Civ VI is broken. Yeah, we'll get there. What is indigo used for? It's a dye. Oh, it's a dye. Yeah, it goes in jeans. It's blue. It's like it's a plant. All right, cool. Now I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's all right, right? Yeah, it's all right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But if you were an above-the-line... You'd make a fuck ton of money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's crazy that that doesn't happen anymore, right? It's nice that it doesn't happen. You can't just be born with a lot of money and then just be able to make it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Make America Dutch again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Spice! Yes! You must throttle them! You must control the spice!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You want pepper? You want salt? You can take it. Just take it. You want jeans? We'll make the jeans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We'll make jeans. Oh, no. I named my son and daughter Salt and Pepper.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Spice! Gimme, gimme.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's amazing. I don't even like it. It doesn't even get you high. Except I did hear that, you know, nutmeg gets you high as fuck, dude. Really? It's illegal, man. So if you smoke it? No, eat it, dude. You eat like fucking, barely if you eat like half a pound of nutmeg, you get crazy high, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You don't like a mulled wine? I also remember smoking cloves when you thought that was cool. Yeah. Dude, that was my favorite. Yeah, I smoked cloves until I coughed blood. I bought multiple packs of cloves, and now I just can't. Thanks, Panda.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Honestly, it's a huge honor to be called the Diverse Colonizer because there's so much competition and it's just nice to be nominated with some of my favorite people. Spain, loving you. Loving what China is doing on the Asian continent. Good work, China.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Just thank you. They're just so angry because their shoes are fucking made out of wood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Racist! Ha ha ha! Why do they got to be white? Why do they got to be white? But it is interesting in that way because they called it some magical prophecy when it was definitely a Muslim guy that's like, oh, they're coming here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's not a magical prophecy at all. Is it some mystical thing? I'm seeing this shit. He's a businessman who is telling you the fucking forecast of the market. I know these guys and they can't wait to not pay me anymore. And I have a distinct feeling they're figuring out how to find me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I think if you eat half a pound of almost anything, you feel differently.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Listen, before you do anything, just don't tell them about hazelnuts. Okay? Because this shit's blowing this gun way out of fucking proportion. All right, this was not supposed to be like this, dude. Hey, man, want some cinnamon? Don't fucking even do it, dude. They get hooked. Don't even talk about dill.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I just love the ring of it. I just love it. It's just fun. It's easy to remember. Revenge for what? They killed everybody. For trying to live with our nutmegs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And they learned a new mechanism of sending out a bunch of ships at once. They learned that that's the way to do it. Instead of just sending out one guy and hope he comes back, you just send out a constant flow of ships.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So that it never stops.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, so that it never stops. So that you're always, so they're crossing each other. So they actually, which is interesting, so there's support on the open oceans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Man, it would have been so much fun if I had to, like, be the first maid of the Hollywood video ship to go up there. and I had to slaughter everybody at the fuck on the blockbuster ship. You know what I mean? Just to get, because they all have the new fucking, they got Hitch in first. You know what I mean? So I got to get all that Hitch because people are looking for Hitch, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's Kevin James' Will Smith vehicle.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But listen, that was a fucking guaranteed money maker. That's their nutmeg. That was our nutmeg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Great casting. And he was put out there because they didn't want him back. in the Netherlands anymore. Legitimately, this man was so scary and he was such a persona non grata that they put him out in the middle of fucking nowhere because also they knew he'd be the guy that would kill everybody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So no one made him laugh? Yes. I laughed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's a part of my you want to check me out is too wild for Netflix thing. Comedy special where I'm just uncontrollable saying things people wish they could say.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This is funny! People say we're not funny! This is funny!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They're really great within the corporate culture here at the VOC. And it's good they use bamboo because it grows back so easily. Yes, and it's sustainable.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Well, because these guys also believe there was obviously, it's money and it's power, but there's also a kind of like a manifest destiny style. We are expressing our power over the world. Oh, absolutely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, you don't band together to get out of it. You kill your sister to get out of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I kind of want an orange. Yeah. Yeah, like, ah, well, here's my orange. Let's go take Florida. We live in California. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I want the other ones. So sweet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The ones with the snakes in the trees. I want one taken from a dead child's hands.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
learned from 9-11 and what we now need to learn from this story. We don't need to be inspired by every story. Yeah. When was 9-11?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I've heard they've got, have you heard of smoked paprika? Yeah. Why don't you ask the Ronin about teriyaki?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Do not tell them the secret of teriyaki.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And this is before we decided that we can, like... grow it ourselves or whatever. Yeah. So we just wanted to, because they already had it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You could steal one, plant it in a Greek island that you've stolen. Yeah, Mykonos.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I still, honestly, and truly, this also reminds me of one of my craziest days at Borders is that we found out that someone had taken some books, like one of the employees, and it was really crazy about how they charged me. They're like, well, you know, because I was the manager on time, and they said... Can you handle this? Can you talk with this guy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And I had to hold a gun to the back of his head while he committed seppuku in front of JK Rowling. And it was honestly truly one of just, she's so nice in person. She answers her phone, turf, turf.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And the letter did end with a winky face. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But he was also the man for the job because someone, they believed that they needed that type of psychopath to hold this far, very valuable outpost for them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You down with VOC or I'll fucking kill you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, you'd be surprised what you could make a bunch of people do when there's nothing but sand to eat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It was not a comfortable trip. It wasn't a fun trip.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Now, didn't, like, so they would also, they would trade with closer places. So they would trade with other people in Europe. They'd probably trade in some other places, probably in the Middle East, maybe, where they do a couple things. Africa, yeah. Right, yeah. But then, it's kind of interesting, on this leg... This was the leg that was the most profitable, but also the most horrible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's easy. He's the Paul Dano of our story. We'll get here. You'll see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And so that's why all of the bottom of the talent pool was at this leg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And just for my own thought process, how would they actually get there? Would they have to go all the way around Africa down the bottom?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So what they learned was a faster way to go was because it was about taking a left. Like, literally, you had to go from, it was a left out of Netherlands, you take a right in Africa, and then you get to right before Australia, and you make a left, and you go up, and you catch this one current. But guess what happens if you don't? You're really fucked up. Guess what Australia is surrounded by?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Miles and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles of coral, which is extremely sharp, and destroys ships, countless ships. So it's interesting. It's almost like you're kind of waiting for something to go wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That is my Dutch. We're trying to really wrap our brains around a Dutch accent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I think Paul Dano's incredibly charismatic. See, he's Paul Dano from There Will Be Blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Nothing like a corporation putting in some talentless, unconnected middle person to be at the very top of the little thing that you might know because he's over the captain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So the captain is the person who knows how to run the ship and do all the stuff on the ship. But he is a boss. It's just some guy from the company. And that's all he does.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Not Brian Wilson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Sometimes if you came back with a super fucking successful run from the indies, you could get re put back into some form of respectable. Like there was always kind of like a shot that maybe if I come back and I make everybody a fuck ton of money, they'll legitimize me again. And then I could go back to doing a more cush thing. I can go to France or I could go to some other place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's not fucking Jakarta. Now, was there like a shit ton of merchants on the ship or was there just like three or four?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You talk to me, and you ask me, how do you control a man? And I tell you, you do it by his soul. Excuse me, I farted. I'm not feeling well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But you can still call the guys the upper merchants and the other guys merchants. You don't have to call them shitheads. You know what I'm saying? Anything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This is actually one of the traits that's going to come up again and again in this story. Once we get to the actual plot, you really start to see the corporatization, the ladders put into place that these guys follow like they are real God's law.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's how afraid they are of their bosses, that these roles will be actually extremely important to the story that comes up because of how everybody behaves according to their roles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Well, of course they're scared of their bosses.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They kill islands of people in front of them. Yes, this is why we're doing the context.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's nice to have an invitation to violence. Thank you, because I was just a pussy before. Not now, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'll kill everyone, but I won't fuck their corpses.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Is that I need a government's permission to do it, but as soon as I get it, I can't fucking wait to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You're just making a baby wet. And I don't need to make a baby wet in a church. I can do it by leaving it out in the rain. I mean... Kind of agree. No, I do too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Is that Christ? No, just some guy. Sorry. I get really scared.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Is that Christ? Oh my God, is he there? Oh no, just some long-haired guy. White skin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
although it's sometimes although it's kind of nice to take a break and see the whites going against the whites yeah yeah just like different kinds of whites fighting yeah you know it's funny because of all the serial killers i feel like so many people cover like they always want us to cover true crime and do serial killers because they're like oh we want blood we want murder and it's like so far in this episode we've killed thousands thousands of people
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's kind of interesting. It's like Make America Great Again really kind of wants to make America Dutch again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And that's just theater. That's just history. Which I think is amazing. They're just all wiping stuff out. And because it's not individually cleaving someone to death, I feel like this may be part of the issue. Is that we see it kind of like, you just forget. No, this is bigger than a serial killer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And it was definitely a thing that they just stumbled upon because of her prophecy. And it's not just because the guy just noticed that there's a lot of just like open wives. He just never just said like, oh, wow, there just seems to be a bunch of lonely ass women here that I could have sex with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They had to because God said it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's the balls?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And where was Grandpa? I say Munsters, the Munsters he be showing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And they can have cell phones. Yeah. And you got to take care of your feet, you know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I've actually, I think I knew some Mennonites. It's interesting. It's technically like a very peaceful, like it's kind of a Quaker-y thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's because they are just barely hanging on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I learned to read by getting spanked with each letter. They used to write up a bunch of letters, and they used to spank me with them. And I'll tell you what, I know the language better than anyone. All right, time to learn Korean. These lectures are sharp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, good, because I've been eating it. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Your lungs, oh, man, I can see them from here. They're healthy. There's just nothing like just sitting there coughing a joke and just being like, hey, have some more horse shit. Like, listen, you don't seem to be feeling good. Have you had any horse shit today? Well, that's why Nick Nolte's still alive, because he's always like, horse shit. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah. That's stupid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I kind of want an orange.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Mummy dust. Oh, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
How are you bad at making poison?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This is delicious. They're actually going to show later like he's bad at it. It's like 7-Up he just accidentally makes delicious. He's like, wow, this is crystal Pepsi?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
All right, you'll die any hour now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Thank you. I think that she was probably hot. That's what I was going to say. That was the issue here. I think that has been a husband issue since day one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I want my packaging. That is what it is. I want a pair of scissors in one package, and I want tape in the other package. I never choose Amazon tape. I always say, extra plastic, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
How does it affect? Does it clog the tubes or some shit?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, you're supposed to take it out, and you've got to put it back in the front hole. That's what I thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But then you fold it back up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Put it in your ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
If you don't take it out, though, hard to keep singing and dancing. I know that much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
No, she ordered in. She actually didn't eat mine. She actually wanted one from the restaurant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, my father chopped it up and put it on an Arby's sandwich.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Funny story, I'm sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Everything I do is highly logical.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's because he didn't fully become who he was going to be until the moment came where he could finally blossom.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But one thing that Dutch doesn't seem to have words for, which is being completely fucked on an island. They learn that later on, though, don't they? Don't they, my friend? They can't sneak up on anybody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This guy's fascinating, too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's what I do. You just wouldn't know. It's something I do. It's something cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They're the only ones he takes. It's just his favorite thing. It's his favorite color. He likes chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yes. But, you know, on one way, see, as the resident capitalist slash Satanist, what I will say is that, see, we're burdened with consciousness. And what consciousness forces us to do, Marcus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's crazy talking to my old buddy. I was talking to my old buddy in the woods the other day and he said to me, I was like, Lord Satan, how are you feeling? And he was saying something. He was like, I'm not feeling good right now. I'm not feeling very confident right now in myself. You know, I just reminded him, like, you're Satan. You know, you don't need all of this, Mr. Gush.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You know, just feel good for yourself. Feel good by yourself. I really think you took it to heart in many ways. He gave me five dicks. Yeah, it's pretty good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Pretty cool to be me. Three around my body. Two were in my pocket.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Two were in my pocket. You can see. I made a bit of a stutter drum with them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
See, Gnostics believe, that's why they're super controversial, is that all of their books were taken and hidden in caves, right? Like the Dead Sea Scrolls, those are all Gnostic works.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yes, and in the book of Judas, the book of Thomas, and basically what they say is you don't need the capital C church to get enlightenment. Jesus is in everyone. You can have this mystical property, and the church doesn't like that because that means that you don't need them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's just four letters. Four letters, what could you even do? What's a letter? Just a line on a piece of paper. What's paper? It's tree blood. What is even trees? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
No, no, no, you see, we're burdened with consciousness, and what consciousness forces us humans to do is to consider time. You know, a dog doesn't know when its kibble will arrive. It knows by a lick in your eye, right? It knows by the setting of the sun, but it doesn't know that it can go to our little, like, squares we have, go down to Petco, and get it at any time that they want, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
She's being a huge bummer about it. So I'm just like, listen, baby, can we get past this? It's been a week. I'm just impressed she's still alive. Yeah, I mean, just barely. She had a very big pussy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, it takes a while to kill someone with a 10-pound pussy. Very big pussy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The baby didn't touch the sides.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He also was one of the only guys that wasn't a total fucking criminal to apply. So that was at the time they didn't really know what they were getting involved in. And so they were kind of it was like, you know, when I guess in the army or in the Navy, people get kind of upset when someone goes to like officer school and just shows up and takes over. Yeah, that's what this guy's like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's like no experience whatsoever. He's just evil. Pre-evil. Pre-evil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
What else is she going to do?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
She is just, my baby has got syphilis. I'm a fucking bitch all day. All day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Okay, so send me to Jakarta.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Fucking insane. It's crazy. Crazy. It was huge, right? I guess it's one of those where we all like that's where all the thing comes from. We're like people doubt that ancient man could have done specific giant things. But then when you look at what manpower can do on its own, it's so fucking impressive. If you have no regulations, it's amazing what you can pull off. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
How many people even died making the goddamn shit?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Dogs can't understand that. They don't understand time. They don't understand capitalism. They don't get the apps. They don't have thumbs. Yeah. The rest of us don't. As humans, we're forced to understand time, so yes, we want to fill time quickly, Marcus, because there's nothing but, because time, Marcus, is the most precious commodity of all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And it's a big central ship, right? It has a bunch of smaller ships that kind of go with it, right? Like kind of like support ships.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
What I love first is when a boat has tits on the front of it, and it shows respect. It shows respect. People respect the tits beneath. Shut up. That's the island. They go and they look and they're like, whoa, look at those big tits. Yes. Let's do business for them. A lot of times they did have tits on the front. That's what I'm saying. Like literally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Well, they also said specifically this boat because a lot of times they wouldn't put a lot of like zhuzh into these boats. But the Batavia, they're like, let's make this one nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So what they did...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
do is so if you're going to indies it's such a long fucking trip so there's and because they have business out there there's a bunch of people that will put stuff onto the ship to go and bring over there because they got shit to handle over there this was from coon coon was trying to build a castle that was supposed to be in tribute to himself yeah literally castle batavia yeah they were going to just bring stuff to build him a house there's shit there no
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Because they were the ones that brought the money. They had to hand over the money to the guys. Now, we will meet the guy that's in charge of the money that will be on the boat that is our main character, Paul Rudd, our Paul Rudd. Yeah, yeah. And the Gentleman's 17, they're not going on the trip. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Every once in a while, he'll put on a little shower cap and go out there. And he just kind of goes like, oh, this is crazy. Golf balls. You know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
God damn it. God fucking damn it. Fucking shit. That is what this guy is. He's a salty dog, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's kind of like, makes me one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's redundant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Now, this is our Paul Rudd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Okay. And it's going to have to figure out if he can make it right in the end. Yeah. And his whole list is going to rest on Pelsart's shoulders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But he also was a guy that was kind of like, he was viewed as charming. Well, he was good at it. He was a good negotiator, and he wasn't brutal. He was like a guy that liked, kind of like, in a way, liked people. Like, he liked the job in a way. He's a salesman. But he's a, no, fuck up. He's a constant fuck up. Well, Pelsart, well, actually, no. Pelsart was not a constant fuck up. Well, sometimes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, British might. I guess they don't really wear jeans like we do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, fuck, man! Well, because at the time, it was very... It was customary for if you were in another country, they let you fuck pretty much anybody you want. You could fuck up anybody of any caste. You could do, you know, use their fucking... Their version of sex workers. You could do whatever. They didn't care. But the main thing was, like, leave the local nobility alone. But...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He ended up because, but guess what? I think a lot of them are going to be more attractive. Yeah. The problem is you meet a princess. Yeah. She's hot as fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And then you fucking kill her accidentally because you're a moron. Why do we have the clove oil? I don't know. I don't know. Fucking hate clothes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You gotta help me. I wish it was normal before, man. You gotta help me out, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The fucking second girl is ODing on me this week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm going to steal that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Well, I don't murder. Well, I covet. I guess I make fun of my mom. But also I love her. I do honor her in a way. You're all about false idols. I'll tell you that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Just remember, each one of these guys have their back absolutely against the wall. Francisco Pelsart had to beg his way onto these ships.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Because he's on, because it's a horrible run. You don't want, it's a real nice ship, but it is a rough fucking run. He does not want to be on this. So you have him, you have Ariana Jacobs, who literally, he's got a, he's fucking, what's his name? He's about to retire. This is his, this is supposed to be his last chance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
trip oh he's our danny glover yeah but he's like he's nebulous right he's kind of but he's the whole thing is that this is the last time i'm supposed to go this is the last time i'm doing this shit i'm never doing it again and then you have the other guy then you have uranus who's a psychopath that we don't know yet i know you said it earlier but how many people are on the boat
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It seemed like a kind of fun, it's a fun idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Now, wouldn't that make your soldiers weaker? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course. But once they got there, they maybe could rest and recoup and then get back. That's kind of... Well, that's also why... You can still do push-ups, I guess. Well, also, to be honest, that's why you send so many. Yeah. So that you can lose 15%. Mm-hmm. Like, literally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They're expendable. Remember... Everyone on this boat is expendable. They're expendable, yeah. Nobody gives a shit if any one of these guys come back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, it's the Jet Lees, the Dolph Lundgrens of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
This is what I'm saying. It's Ocean's Eleven. Nobody's going to miss any of these fuckers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yeah. My Uber is here. I wonder if he, also what they would do is the treasure room. So that was also what I love is that all the money and all the jewels, because also Pelsark was bringing his own personal jewels. He had a collection of something like 75 grand that were kept in this specific safe room. That was behind the Orlop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But Marcus, don't you love it when they do the social media promos where they like set it to music and you see the robots kind of dancing in unison, sort of like a giant. like lockstep army of thousand pound unstoppable machines.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So in order to get to it, you would have to go through the soldiers to get to that stuff. That's smart. Also, why even bring the soldiers back?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And then, but ostensibly, the shit would go again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
So then it's just going to get worse and worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, like being in Santa's pants.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I don't care if I die! Me neither. Yeah, me neither. We're all one guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yes. Let me suck on your eyeballs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, yes. Oh, now I forget. If they're not open, you can't feed them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And they were sort of kept separate. Tried to. They tried to. They tried to keep them separate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Put them up in the crow's nest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They would give them little hours. They would be allowed to go up top. They would be allowed to go up top. Everyone had to leave. They were allowed to go up top, and then they had to go back down. But they were like... It's also kind of funny, because it's, again... As we'll see, it's this desperate attempt to create this modern, civilized, hierarchical society on this boat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We are an extension of the Netherlands. And this boat will remain orderly and it will be fine from here on out. Why would you bring your family? Because they encouraged it so that you wouldn't worry about, so you'd try real hard to not die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I thought they're fueled by the piss bottle. Well, they're just inspired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
What did you just say? Did he get dysentery?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And this is kind of like, so Pelsart and Jacobs immediately had sort of an antagonistic relationship because Jacobs was kind of like, he didn't, but he got stuck and he showed, he's like, I'm an old sea, it's like, I'm an old sea dog and I'll tell you how to do this. And he saved the boat. Everyone's like, oh, okay, maybe things will be fine. Yeah. Where was the sandbank?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Was it by Europe or Africa?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He was trying to kind of blow off steam, and Jacobs was a really bad fucking drunk. He was a bad drunk and a rapist. And what he was doing was they were going around all the other boats, and in a funny way, he just started fights with the crews and all these other boats. Like, this guy just decided to fight the entire mission. Yeah. For some reason, they got hammered.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It's like the varsity team beats up the JV team.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But they're on the same team. We all go to the same school, but I play football, you play baseball, I'm going to slap you. Basically.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Man, it just builds. So now it's going to build. Because you remember, like, we're going to see what causes them to kind of put together what it's like to plan a mutiny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
These guys go straight to hell. I'm not even joking. These guys are going straight to hell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The women and children do great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Let's just say we have no idea how long this is going to be. But it's going to be not that long. Right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But I'm very excited with this fucking shit because it's about to get really fucking gnarly immediately. Yeah. But you'll see. If you go to patreon.com slash last podcast, enough you can watch us scream about it. And have our jaws flopping around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And you go to LP on the left and TikTok and Instagram. For some reason, they're still there. Yeah. So you want to go look at that. That's good for advertising.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And then twitch.tv slash LPN TV. Go and watch our streams. Such as... Not tonight. Yesterday we did Hoopa Goo Goo, but it will soon be on YouTube.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yes, it'll be on YouTube, and then you can see the next live Hoopa Goo Goo on February 6th, 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Also, we're going to be in Dallas on February 22nd. Actually, Grand Prairie, Texas. So make sure you catch us there. And then, of course, on the 14th of March, we'll be at the Ryman Theater in Nashville. And just two days after that, that Sunday on the 16th, Henry and I got a Side Stories in Huntsville, Alabama. We're coming for you, NASA. Yeah, that's right, you NASA pieces of shit. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I fucking dare you to show up. Because we are asking you to. Yeah. And I will put you on the list. That's right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I will put you on the list and I will spank myself. And then, of course, we will be on the 18th of April. We'll be in Detroit. And on May 3rd, we'll be in Toronto.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And at the end of June, we're coming back to Atlanta for our rescheduled date. Yep. I cannot wait to see all of you. Can't wait. Can't wait to see y'all on the high seas. I don't want to go, and I'm not going to go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I think it's the low seas. Yeah, Henry and I are going to do a cruise, and we're going to announce it next week, and you'll be able to buy tickets. You're going to come see us on a true crime cruise. You just got to be careful, okay? Honestly, we're going to go out there. Someone's going to get murdered.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
We understand. As you should. Hail Satan, everyone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
For setting the book.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Peter, I see you in there, Peter. Peter, let me suck your dick. I want to suck your dick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Bye, Peter. Bye.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, I'm a swinger, me and my wife 25 years older than I. We like to swing on the weekends when I'm not busy here obviously managing the Amazon warehouse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Sounds cool. No one will be the wiser. I will sell as many... Oh, we got all the... We got five trampolines. I know a guy who'll buy five trampolines. I got some bullets over here. We can sell that across the street. There's a lot of young people looking for them. This is going to be an amazing time for us, boys. And then y'all can share my wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Wait a second, Dimitri. Where'd you get that scimitar? What? I found it. A man ordered it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I use it to defend intake.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I'm sorry, that's one of the customer scimitars, Dimitri.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Henry Zabrowski. Henry Zabrowski. That's as far as I'm going to go. I'm going to try. You know what? The only problem is with a Dutch accent specifically. Dutch accent specifically is the fact that I get into it when I listen to somebody speak with a Dutch accent for long enough. And I can do it while the video is playing. But I cannot do it afterwards. No. No, no, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And it's like Amazon makes their own problems by making a desperate person inside of these places by creating the scenario in which that desperation is felt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And I miss you, and I'll miss you, and I love your fervent enthusiasm. But you're going to need to stay here behind. Make sure that all these squeegees are completely safe. Okay? We're going to Washington, D.C. All right? I love you. I'm going to have sex with my wife, and I'm going to think about you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
yeah i'd love to see that but not to be uh too stereotypical but any one of us that has worked in any aspect has met a low-powered middle manager oh my god that if given the opportunity to kill everyone yeah absolutely would joe garricks yeah i remember him yeah or give it yeah you already had a guy in mind keith i just remember keith from my old job and a guy named will stavenhagen
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, and they sort of build a—imagine that they've also built a giant cocoon of him, and he's wearing, you know, like, some kind of—definitely minion gear. He's got a minion hat on, and it's made out of several, like, highly well-constructed, super expensive tents that you get, like, on Prime Delivery. You see those things that you can get.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And then, like, all of a sudden, he's just, like, inside of this with, like, two big Stanley cups filled with blood. Yeah. Yes, yes. They can use the trampoline.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, kill Terry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You wouldn't believe he put on a bunch of Garfield slippers, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I don't care anything about it. But I did prepare for the show by farting under the sheets and holding Julie there. Thank you. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
He had an OLED 65-inch screen just for some reason attached to a sash around his back. And he came up... think that he did I can't believe what he did he force fed he force fed Terry five pounds of creatine I've never seen someone do this before how much lead is in that
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Do you want to listen to Last Podcast on the Left without ads? Do you want extra content? Do you want to see what it's like behind the scenes? Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the Left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
America is the pussy, and the crime is the gun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
tongue in the mouth of the police a dental dam is the constitution get it between them in the crime we have to remove the constitution them to get right up inside of the pussy hole of america and at the clit of criminality perfect perfect analogy thank you now the seven men of the gangster squad could only do so much to root out police corruption because they kept arresting themselves
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Hey, I'm not arrogant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Sorry about that, y'all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You don't want me to take my hat off, because then unfortunately, you would see my brain. I lost the top of my eyebrows in World War I. So the hat is unfortunately my head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And I was just, like, trying to measure Natalie of where I'd cut her directly in half. But I went in and I looked up the top songs of 1947 just to kind of get in the mood. And I listened to a bunch of old pop songs. And I was just sitting there. And Natalie came back. She had a dinner with a bunch of her girlfriends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It keeps my brain away from the wind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm sorry I got slipped.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, so they lived. Yeah. Oh, okay. Cops also, we know, they don't ever tell fishermen's tales of the things that they've done in the past and have exaggerated how powerful and masculine they are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That picture of the two of them looking at the bodies like so, they're just like, why are you even, why are you crouching like that? You obviously can't crouch. Yeah. On a hill? No, it's a sloped hill. You're going to fall over. They both look like rumpty dumpties.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I don't think he approved of the nickname, and I don't know if people said it out loud. It might have been more accepting to be called Fat Pack then. Oh, sure, it was. It's almost a compliment. It was a compliment because it meant you were rich, charismatic, you were healthy, you were safe. Charismatic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
She came in and she just saw, like, me, no shirt, in my underwear, watching, drinking a fucking three fingers of scotch, listening to, here you want to win? Oh, you never will be. I wish you had those little belts that hold your socks up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's just a very, it's like a combo of like, Thaddeus is the good son, right? Thaddeus is the son that got the- Well, quote unquote, good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's how I view him. I view him as the, he's the face, he's the front facing one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes, he is the political sweetheart of the LAPD. That's why they like him is because politically he looks good. He is much more handsome than his brother. And because of his rapport with all the police and the fact that he's here to firmly establish what he believes is a lawful boys club. And I think that Thaddeus Brown had a problem with Finnis Brown because Finnis Brown is, to be honest,
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He's a fucking mystery. This man is an unfathomable mystery. And he's a piece of shit. And his name is Finnis Brown. It's very interesting, but he's a fucking, we don't know really what this man's agenda was and what he had to gain from jamming up the process of the Black Dahlia murder. We also know that he might have been on the take. He also might have been deeply undercover.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He was definitely on the take. But they're also saying that he was undercover, telling people who he was taking a take from. And this is this game. This is what happened in JFK. This is why JFK is like the way it is. Because once assets become an asset, once a cop becomes an informant for themselves, like once they are...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
him there are a million games being played at all times and nobody trusts each other next episode we are going to go into this idea of like i think truly what's going on here is like it's there's like seven mafias of different industries all fighting at once yeah well because if you weren't committing crimes you weren't able to get anything done exactly you literally it's like lance armstrong he wasn't cheating he was competing
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Which is not a compliment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And it's probably not a coincidence that they were tossed on one of the most high-profile cases to ever hit the city.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's what I mean. Because of his connection to Thaddeus, he was tossed on the case. But why? And who's involved? Were they the first people to show up?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because the world was kind of small.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, it sounds like also partially was the issue of all the confessing Sams, is that they got this influx, we talked about last week, of all of these people wanting to jump in and insert themselves into this case. Because again, I think that where Los Angeles comes into play is that you have the...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And you're like, oh, and then it kind of feels nice to be here again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because everybody's an actor in the population, there's a lot of people looking to be like, I can put my mark on this case. Oh, I can get my picture on the paper, which I do think is true. I think there's a little bit of the beginnings of this idea of like any publicity is good publicity. No, everyone thinks they're living in Chicago.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And so now they're calling in. And so everything got gummed up. They have no specific forensics because at the time it was a backward science. The body was completely washed clean. They can't figure out what to do. And so now it's, I think that's where we're at.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You'd think it'd be easier to solve, but what we've talked about on the show time and time again, if it's not somebody that knows the persons directly, it's extremely difficult to figure out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Most murder is done by somebody that you know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Like 95% of the time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's why it's always the husband. It's always the wife. That's what they look for. But when it's a problem, which is in this case probably true, close to a complete stranger, it's hard to figure it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, just a little couch ride with my sweetheart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But I do think that there's a theory that holds of that she was cut for transport because of where she was dumped, specifically because she was in a high populous area. There were people lived around. Yes, there were vacant lots, but she was discovered by people just walking through. People walk through Limerick Park all the time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
So I do think that there might actually be reason that she was cut in half. And that's why my main theory is that it was done by several people. But we'll get there. We'll get there. But they could have just put straps on her. That's what I do at Rambo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, let's go smile, swear like my baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But how does Julie get you into the bath?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I think that one connection could be to the legal abortion circuit and that they have a guy if this is a mafia hit which I do think that is correct I think that it is involving the mafia on some level is that they bring in an abortion doctor to essentially who's also in the cut to being like how the fuck do we got the psychopath did this to her we need to get rid of this right now we need to do it right now and his first thing is like we put her in two burlap sacks and we go drop her off somewhere sure
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But let's not get too hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's a whole book about the Black Dahlia that we not even get to about the werewolf murders. And then how it connected back to the three... Frankenstein murders? Eddie, they were the Dr. Frankenstein murders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I mean, we had a deal on Wolf of Wall Street where they had to keep Jordan Belfort off set because he kept trying to show up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Okay, okay. I love JFK, my own. You know, I love Jesus Christ. It's the only Catholic president. I would never kill a Catholic president. I'd never do that, okay? I was down there because I like slime. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Remember, I just always want to say this. These, what we consider to be big cover-ups, my belief will always be that they're small and that we're looking at as human. It's like, this makes me wonder whether or not Marilyn Monroe was actually killed just because of the fact that she was connected to, like, it's human. It's a lady that is a famous comedian. kind of like a mess at this point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Like, she seems to be kind of like an out-of-pocket person that you'd want to get whacked, just like Elizabeth Short.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And then she's been shooping to President and his brother, and she may have probably been around a bunch of different shit and probably was popping off saying all the stuff that she was going to say about the time when she was fucking the president and fucking his brother at the same time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's not her fault. You're right. But still, you get whacked for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We have to do, we got to do the series, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Whoa. This is like, you say you don't like mafia stuff, but then some of these things are really fun. I like the mafia murders. I just don't like the, hey, we got to go check out the numbers. Yeah. Go check out the numbers game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, they invented the numbers. It's the latter. There's too many names. I know, but Bugsy Siegel's fascinating because this is the— You just like him because he invented Vegas. Dude, these are our real forefathers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Basically, a lot of these guys came out to L.A. really because they couldn't hack it in New York and Chicago.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah. And it's an open territory. Yes. And then you come out here too. It's like, and they were also, they would also send people out. They'd be like, all right. Oh, you know, like old sloppy Fred. No, Mickey Cohen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And that shows that anything's possible in this town.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I just, honestly, I looked at all the manuals and I just thought if I believed... Oh, hot water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, I think Screen Actors Union is a really good way to hire people very quickly, and then you get people that are in dire straits under your control.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And movie stars and directors haven't changed all that much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I love those little girls. Yeah. God damn, I just want to break off a piece of some of them handsome women.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
She was always trying. She was jealous of my contacts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Or did he want to be in an affair with Elizabeth Short?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Mark Hansen, his whole storyline is that he was an immigrant. He was Danish. Yeah, he came in. He was desperate to get in the movies. The way he got in the movies was by distribution, which happens a lot. He got in and what he found, according to people who knew Merck Hansen, he was a family man. He had wife and kids. And when he started, he he considered himself a very honest businessman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Like he was trying to set up a way for him in LAPD in L in L.A. that would be successful for forever. And what then happened is that he ran into what happens to anybody that tried to run into any one of these businesses in Los Angeles at the time. You had to speak with various mafia members that would also be members of the police force and all this kind of stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And it just seems kind of perfunctory and it seemed to be a part of business. A lot of people mark the Florentine Gardens gambling group as to actually be kind of small and kind of low level. And it was considered just to be sort of like casual in terms of what they were doing there. He was really trying to get into show business. That's what he wanted. And make money in show business.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And then what happened is that he got addicted. To ladies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Just go and turn on some Count Basie. Go get some... I love this. The new song I like was Near You. It's a very kind of... Like when we talked about how every song from the 1940s in the right context is truly frightening because it's just... I was just looking at these and just like I was looking at pictures of Elizabeth Short over and over again. Just remember that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's all like, I want to sing...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because his last name is Granland.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, seriously. Can we hold a moment of silence and say...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
The wife left him. Why? I don't know. It seems that like we have a lot of friends that have run nightclubs, but it seems that when you run a nightclub.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I mean, back in the day, we've known people that I know people that have. Yeah. And we it does seem to hurt your relationships because what happened was is that he fell in love again with the biz, which is always like the worst thing for a business owner, especially in show business. where he became really into this idea of, oh, I can control all of these young women.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
They're being really nice to me and they're flirting with me because I have something to give them. And then he started renting his own apartment Right behind the place. And his wife had left him. And then eventually, because they were there with him. And when the family left, he's like, oh, I'll just bring the chicks in here. Yeah. So they started hanging around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I feel nothing. The key is to have a sub's inclination to be embarrassed and then the lack of shame to hold anything back. That's the key, is that you've got to be able to come to Los Angeles, eat shit, and like it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And now what we know, because what do we know about Elizabeth Short? She pretended to want to be an actress. Yeah. She did not actually. She talked about it a lot. She talked about it. But she didn't actually want to be one. So Mark Hanson was sold originally on this idea that, well, this is Beth. She's here. She wants to be a dancer. And Mark Hanson fell. Yeah. So, butt deep in love with her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You beat me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Technically, Mark Hansen was doing the more of the Romeo, what they call Romeo grift or Romeo con for pimps versus coercive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's more like, of all the girls, which seemed to happen to Beth Short quite a bit, is that he...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
chose her specially like the other girls he was just trying to fuck yeah but then when and turn out yes but when he met elizabeth short he fell in love yes like it was something else like he became obsessed with yeah but guys like that it probably happens to him like once a month yes but then they don't turn into the black dahlia which is the you know always the kind of issue with all of these stories in this episode yeah but mark again mark hansen didn't turn into the black dahlia
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because remember there was also one of the theories, it's because Elizabeth Short said that her pussy was destroyed? Well, that was just proven. Yeah, of course, yes. But it was one of the weird lines that she gave. One was that she was a virgin, and the other one was just like, my vagina doesn't work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
So this is the final run. This is the story of Fire Walk With Me. Yeah. Like, literally. So she... And right now, we just have flashes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, those murky, murky waters. Murky, murky Black Dahlia waters. I have been up to my nipples. That's deep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, it's because she... really was... She was homeless. She basically was homeless. And at this point, what they truly say is once the soldier storyline for her ended, she really was kind of left to the winds. So that's a
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Part of what they say that she was probably doing when she was making all the phone calls in the hotel was that she was calling every old soldier that she had known from back in the day. Can you send me money? Can we do this? And she was really kind of speed running toward the end of her life. But it sounds like the conflict that got her kicked out of the house was...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
was also kind of indicative of why Beth Short was considered to be an intense, sometimes people would say difficult person, because she kind of wanted it both ways a little bit. So she wanted Mark Hansen to be in love with her. So she'd play that angle up for a while and then hold out, which is, is her right. She's allowed to do it. Made Mark Hansen angry. Eventually he's like, all right, fuck it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He tried to move on. New girl comes in. New object of Mark Hansen's affections. She flips out saying all of the stuff being like, she's going through my bags. She's trying to steal my stuff. And he's all like, why don't you just go?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And then that's when she that is like apparently what it started a bunch of drama because that's what happens when you put all of the showgirls that you're having sex with in one apartment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And that's just like, I'm just going to say this as a producer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
don't do that well there's also i mean half of the houses that are like a million five in hollywood right now would just hold actresses for producers oh dude if you go up and down i always think about on rampart when you go up to like they used to have these furnished housing and that's like where all of this shit kind of happened they used to have actors housing where they used to kind of put them weirdly like in tenements where they were just all hanging out they owned you
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because we've been obviously kind of going over all the theories about the murder. Last week, we talked a little bit about the Black Dahlia Avenger. We brought them in. We know that at this point in the case, when everyone arrives and they are shocked by the body of Elizabeth Short, The conspiracy and the cover-up kicks in immediately. Now, what we want to do is, like, we don't know necessarily.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But it's also kind of got, though, in a way, though, that contract system must have been kind of fun. Like, you hear, like, all those Ernest Borgnine types, because you show up, you have no idea what part you're playing. You're like, oh, I guess I'm a farmer today. And you're like, oh, I guess I'm a coal miner today. Like, that kind of stuff is fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And then you're an alien, and then you're something else. It's kind of, you know. It's like improv class. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, a damn cop lover. Lola Titus, have you researched into her at all? Mm-hmm. Fuck some woman. She was a, She was his Rubenesque affair. Like he was like super into this lady and she was known for like, she'd get naked at the drop of a hat. She was like, she's a fun lady. Yeah. A lot of energy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Just understand that this is why this case is so difficult because it's just, everybody's a villain. Yeah. No one's telling the truth. It is the, it's like dealing with the CIA. No one is, no, you don't know what anybody's actual story is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
This really probably has nothing to do with the Black Dahlia directly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's more just showing that Mark Hanson had definitely had a relationship with the police, which means that he was more than more than probably an informant, which would mean that if Finnis Brown work for Mark Hanson or was like a bag man for Mark Hanson, it's like he was then conversely working for a gangster that was also working for the police.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's the truth. This is what we're in the middle of. This is what I'm trying to explain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I won't give it to you. I won't give it to you because it's mean. And again, the magician theory has not proven out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That I enjoy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Or do you want to go get some flowers and make me a vase?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
All right, how about you? What way do you want me to get dressed? One sock? One glove?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, you want me to cover my pussy, huh? Can you smell it? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Marcus is sure. Marcus, he likes his suspects.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I also brought this pot of beef stroganoff from home.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And that's fucking, honestly, what a fucking lie. I have never heard a producer say no. anything like that no to anybody i know like that's just like that's never that ploy has never been used in this city ever like this i mean who do they think we are here i am so sick of my cherished art being slammed in this way how fucking dare you because i was never given the opportunity yeah you were
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
yes actually the one time I was but it wasn't how I wanted it it was never some big busty milf saying well you know these tits aren't gonna suck themselves or should I say oh what else Mr. Babe Ruth like I'm auditioning for Babe Ruth no it was a man yeah yeah and you said no yep and look where you are now I made the error of having taste and and pride and I'll never do it again
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Lola Titus was one of those girls, and in her exact words, she said, quote, I made up my mind that he was either going to love me, marry me, or take care of me, or I was going to kill him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
What do you mean? I just thought I had moxie. I thought I was going to go to Southern California State Hospital for the big titty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, it's not fucking something happened. That's also I feel like it's really weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I would imagine they just put her away into it. It just really kind of I thought it's interesting that she went to a state hospital instead of jail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I cast a little doubt in my own mind, but really what we're trying to set up in this episode is the atmosphere that caused the Black Dahlia murder. Without the corruption of Los Angeles Police Department and show business and all of it put together, this doesn't happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
This feels like it's too much of a writerly version of what they wish kind of way that they could explain it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I think that what you're saying is half right. I think that the second half is right. I think that they would like to portray her
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
as this interconnected high-end call girl that was super sophisticated i don't think she was a call girl at all no i don't think so either i think that she never did it for money i think she was just surviving and i think that she really just had a taste for dangerous people and it got her quite a lot of trouble you know she could have been an escort not a sex worker Just someone to be seen with.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I think she just liked guys. Yeah, I think she just liked... And nice things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
She liked nice clothes. She wore her perfume. I think that it wasn't... She didn't have highfalutin ideas in that way. I think that she was literally just trying to survive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Thank you, Mr. Hansen's fake lawyer. Thank you for pointing this out. Yeah, it's because his cutting hand does this. Shaky, shaky, shaky, shaky, shaky. You know what? I think what you're saying is correct. The answer is in this clip. Yes. That's where the answer is, is here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's somewhere in this miasma of dudes that she met during her time around Mark Hansen, the Florentine Gardens, and all of this stuff that is connected around it. And that's where I think that we're stumbling into is that these places are just where a lot of guys that no one wants to talk about that are in the same room and they don't want people to know that they're all in the same room.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And it's like she's just was a big old like tying everybody together. She was the rug that tied the room together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
She turned down Hanson probably. Well, think about, you know, like they're the way the city opens up to the right star. You know, Scarlett Johansson arrived. I think about it in that way. We're like these people. I mean, most of them were industry plants. But when someone just shows up. Right. That's just a simply very beautiful, charismatic woman, especially in these businesses.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
things can go really far for you very quickly. And I think that's kind of is what happened to her in a way too. I think because she was so hot and so desirable and to many men like that also just kind of fired up everything around everywhere she'd go. It's like everywhere she went, she started a fire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah. Black Dahlia, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
This next section of this whole story is so fascinating. I just find this all so fascinating. But the breakdown of Dr. Deriver is because right now this is the rise and fall of Dr. Deriver.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And he did have some approval. But very little approval for what he was doing. So, Deriver was hired by the LAPD. You know, he ran the sexual offenders unit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He was putting this all together. And eventually, they just kind of like, he was just kind of off-road. And so, eventually, he was just like, I know exactly how to catch this criminal. And the first thing he did was like, we must beat him. We must encourage a tet-a-tet. You know that the Black Dahlia Avenger will have no, no way to not respond if we tell everybody we think he's a dum-dum.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's a trap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You have never met a man as sinister as Jeff. Jeff! The worst man I've ever met. My best friend. Jeff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He went to the same hot dog stand she frequented, my friend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And in one letter... Dogs, horses, airplanes, octopus, anything you can draw, Jeff was addicted to it. Dangerously so.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But right before you get your face turned into a hideous clown, you know, macabre display and get sliced in half, it's a lot of fun. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
As you can see here, these two round lobes might just be a butt. drawn by my best friend and enemy, Jeff. Jeff!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
With a horse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
With a fish. Many things can be made love to that are inappropriate, depending on where you're from.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Downtown. Downtown where? Jephthah. You ever been to Jephthah? My best friend was from there. His name was Jephthah.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And the beginning of this was just letters. Yeah. So he opened this up and he started writing back and forth with Jack Zand. And he's like, literally is like, yes, we ought to put it. This is the answer I have been looking for.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I do kind of believe, it's kind of a funny idea of being like, gangsta squad, and you go out there and solve this case. And they're all like, yes sir, yes sir, yes sir. And they're all just like trying to get in the elevator at the same time. They all try to get in the same car. Tommy gun shooting in the ground.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Who's sitting in the garage? I'm sitting in the garage. I want to be in the trunk. I'm riding on the top of him on the hood. I'm making siren noises. I'm making the siren.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We need to get organized.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Gangster squad, on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Which they denied. They denied they ever sent a cop to go look at them. But, you know, it's all who's saying what.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because you could either end up Charlie Chaplin or you could end up... Donnie Chaplin.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, take a look at my hips. A one and a two and a three and a four and a... I'm just buying time to the end of class. I view him as the he's Rob Schneider from Home Alone 2. He's got the bellhop. We're going to be discovering the bellhop mafia. There's a lot of these things go flying around here.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But it is funny because they all like kind of talk about as soon as the word bellhop comes up and all of these are like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's who's got all the information. It's just the idea of, are every bellhop just somebody who's stealing out of bags and looking through people's purses?
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He knows the pimp. I would never say the bellhop's the pimp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And that's what's nice about a one-stop shop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That was the difference about 1940s sex parties, I think. They played with balls, though. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But think about that. I think that's why they were like, because Mark Hanson got all into the world of like 1940s sex parties. And I really feel like the main difference is just like, it's where they learned about sucking balls.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, we're going to we are, you know, this is a breakout of the story. We're going to come back to Leslie Dillon right now, but just know that we are going to touch upon some of the other subjects. But George Hodel was so fully covered in the Root of Evil podcast. It's kind of hard for us to shoehorn him in here, but we'll figure it out.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Eddie, I'll allow it because it's almost Christmas. It is funny because I've never, I never did the Black Dahlia deep dive. Yeah, I didn't either. It was like one of those true crime things that I kind of thought, I think it's because as we were getting deeper into true crime as a person. Yeah. First of all, it was like more into serial killers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Also, remember, his voice, one of the big things, too, is that his voice sounded just like, that's why I'm doing the voice like that. He's the caller. Yeah. That's what they said. He sounded the smooth, modulated tones that are called as the Black Dahlia Avenger that have talked to Jimmy Richardson.
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Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, there was the one story he was obsessed with apparently that he collected all the articles on of a girl that had gotten her tooth shot out of her mouth from a BB gun. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
True crime was... This is a joke. True crime has been a massive genre forever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And with the rise of the American gangster, like, when we covered Bonnie and Clyde, you find out that, like, you know, it had made a whole, like, sex-filled industry of true crime where people, they were viewed as stars and people loved, like, paying attention to them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
this is the man and thus began the effort to lure dylan back to california deriver contacted dylan and asked him to meet which is also so stupid this whole thing is like like this is the thing it's like on one half it's like this tete-a-tete between investigator and criminal and the other half it amounts to one of the dumbest series of interactions i've ever seen between two humans it's
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, very different than California.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You want to do it all the way, because if you leave some blood in it, it gets stinky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
The key is to make her entirely empty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Doing time-tested trials to see how quickly it would take for me to saw a woman in half, surgically incredibly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
What if instead we posited, like, this is very harsh language, right? And we love the LAPD. We're not trying to remotely criticize the LAPD in any way, right, Eddie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes, Jeff is the worst bastard I've ever met. Do you mind? Running a bath for me, Dr. Deriver?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Absolutely. I would love to run the bobbliest bath you've ever had. Would you like me to first help you undress?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You're sitting in a hotel room together, hanging out, and there's a moment of silence. It's like, why do you think the black dolly was cut in half?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Have you thought about a ruler, my friend? Before we get too far, because I do appreciate your curiosity, but have you ever even thought about maybe putting a banana for sizing reference? That's how you would know how shallow or deep your penis can be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes, yes. But I think that more, a way to kind of put this more gently is that the LAPD came and were taught improv classes by mafia men. And then when that did was in that play acting, in that yes and like scenario, they then ended up committing quite a bit of crimes at the time. But it really was about staying in character. Yes. There wasn't many checks and balances out here. No. You're right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm only a doctor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
A bit of pressure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We've been talking for a period of time. But I'm just looking at you, and I wonder. Now, I'm a doctor. Would you pretty please get naked for me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We've had a seven-hour trip. You've taken a 19-hour two-propeller plane flight to Las Vegas. We have now driven to Palm Springs for no reason. Can I see them dangles? Can I see you show me them nipples? My good sir, we got to get naked together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
See, there's some stories, but then there's the other idea of, like, weirdly... Which I do actually think is true of him going like, yeah, sure. Like he was like, we have to remember. So right now we're playing this. We are going to go through this whole. Dylan's playing a game here. Dylan's a fucking weirdo. Yes. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
So the idea of going into this weird lodge with this doctor man and then him just saying like, would you please remove your clothes? And then him just going like, yeah, right. Well, he is a doctor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I think it was a choice in music on the way we were driving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm not a pedophile, but I have seen many boy corpses. Yes. Many, many, many, many boy corpses, and sometimes I do seek them out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. Little sugar packet. Flap back and forth. Tiny penis. But the key is, you know how he's a doctor. And this is a big, this is a lesson to all my people out there that want to interact with penises. The thing about a micropenis is that if it's slightly small, you know, whatever, a micropenis, you want to treat that thing with respect. Because if you don't,
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That thing that's attached to that thing is going to fucking kill you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Which is why the only way I can reveal it is through the newspaper.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, it's weird, but he's posturing. He is acting to the deriver that he is the person who killed Black Dahlia. he is playing he's saying I'm I didn't do it Jeff did it Jeff yeah and so he's saying but I think weirdly though I think well it depends on if you want to go with my theory or not
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It depends, because in my theory, if he's innocent, if Leslie Dillon's innocent, this is just all because he's a fucking freak-a-leek fucking guy that you just, you know, that just happened to be just curious enough to be in a Palm Springs lodge with a criminologist that he just met over a letter and he's just now here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I can see you just arrived here to be personally investigated as the Black Dahlia murder. I don't know if it's that far back. Beyond the pale that you just show him your micropenis and go, what do you think of that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's very unforgiving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, this is also deciding whether or not they did have control questions. We don't know whether or not these control questions actually existed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Not Jeff. Not a J. Unfortunately, that was supposed to be the smile.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
There's also one side of the story that says, according to Leslie Dillon, I never said that. And there's supposed to be a recording saying that he never said it. But then there's another thing saying, oh, no, it just changed after he changed his answers after the fact.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Well, this is the thing. He freaked his way into this situation, and then he couldn't seem to figure out how to freak his way out. No. So he's now...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
in there and now they're like you've told them a bunch of really cryptic shit that you are playing some psychological game trying to insert yourself into either you are the Black Dahlia murderer or you're trying to insert yourself into the story for some reason but now you're just like you're just allowing them to just own you and it's like all of a sudden you realize he's like oh shit this is starting to get more and more serious okay good thanks glad I gave you all this information I'll see you later back to Miami why is this door locked
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
If you saw this in a movie, you'd be like, that's the corniest shit. That doesn't happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Can't wait for this one. On one side of it, it's like, He's a total absolute madman murderer, and then there's the other side of it being like, this man is chaos itself. This is a desk clamp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah. That's why they call me Tootsie. The nap man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But also he could be using it... I heard one theory, but it kind of makes sense. It's for autoerotic asphyxiation. He might have. That's a possibility.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Some of it was disorganized. How so? Bad scheduling. Poor catering.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And this is where Deriver was like, he got so hard. Yeah. He was just like, yes, multiple personalities.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Is it a Hitler mustache in 1933? Because I don't think it is. I think you'd call it a Lincoln mustache. No, you'd call it a chaplain. Lincoln didn't have that mustache. The hat. What? The mustache looks like a hat for the lips. That's...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
There's no evidence. There's no physical evidence that connects them to the scene of the crime. Deriver destroyed all ways of making a legitimate investigation by doing this way. This is why, unfortunately, even though I love that he's a maverick, and I love his style, and I like the fact that he decided to beg for forgiveness instead of ask for permission. That's my style. I enjoy that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But he legitimately... Fucked up everything. Yeah. And so this guy, he also was, I'm going to be fair and say Deriver was also going like, well, you sure you didn't kill the Black Dahlia? Like he was like pressuring this other psychopath that was like, while it was just Deriver and the gangster squad, it kind of felt like maybe a game. And then they tortured him a bunch. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, I'm Jeff. Yeah, I'm a 40-year-old busboy, pulp fiction writer, and I'm a failed actor turned cosmetic salesman. What's going on? Yeah. You guys got a problem? What's the big deal here? Why is everybody so angry? And he actually was a friend of Leslie Dillon. Oh, yeah, I know Leslie. Yeah, yeah, he wishes it was me. Half the time, because I'm awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Is my buddy Leslie in trouble or something? Is something going on? Did he take like the wrong hors d'oeuvres or something from a restaurant? What's going on here? I'm Jeff. I wanted to be an actor, but now I'm a cosmetic salesman, so I don't really know what the big deal is. He didn't cut a woman in half, did he? Did he?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I just thought it was kind of like a funny story or whatever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That is true, though. Yeah. That was a part of the hook. Sure. To get him to come to Vegas. Oh, yeah. Was him being like, yes, of course I'll hire this suspect for the Black Dahlia murder. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You want some ice cream? How do you want a popsicle? It might be hard next to your fucking heater. Listen, though, I'll get you a little bit of ice cream if you just admitted to the murder, if you did the Black Dahlia murder, okay? Want some Dippin' Dots? You feeling okay there, buddy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He still won. They're like, you're bad at it and you're a bad person, but I can't fire you. God damn it, you're attractive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I mean, that's easy to do. You just go to Turkey and you spend $8,000 to get it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
No, no, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And I hung out with everybody. You know, Liz, she came over. We were hanging out. It was us, Sean Wayne. We were hanging out, and we were just having a blast. We took the Hindenburg, and we took it to Lenny Dykstra's house, who's soon going to be a Mets player about 40 years from now. Yeah, can you cash a check for me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And him and Leslie were very similar. They were like two buddies. Yeah. They're very similar in that way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Is it bad to say that I feel like these guys are my two wolves? No. Like inside of me that I have a Leslie Dillon in me and I have a Jeff Connors in me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Part 3! We're gonna, I still wonder, can the killer of Elizabeth Short be both the same man?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
that impetuously tortured her beat her to death in disorganized fashion right ragged face cuts uh all of the weird sexual play all this like the kind of what the marks of a disorganized killer and can they also be the same person that will surgically put them in half like literally cut them in half and dispose of them and i still don't know if it can be just one man Well, it seems hard. It does.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I bleed when I put together an Ikea-like chair. But there's a lot left to cover here. We got this... Right now, to me, it seems like it's clearly fucking Leslie. But there is... It's cloudy. It's murky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's cloudy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And we're going to come through with some couple, I've got a couple other suspects under my belt that I want to talk about eventually too, because there's a lot of fucking guys out there because we didn't even get to the butchers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
We haven't talked about the werewolf murders. We haven't talked about like, it's kind of crazy, dude. It's getting, it just, this is one of those things that just keeps going.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And I'm loving this, you know, I love this story about this dead woman. Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the web to watch us scream. We can flop around. Go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV because we are, I guess it's already past it. We did the LPN Funhouse last night. Yeah. And I'm upset with my choices. I don't even know what I'm doing yet. Because we're about to go in to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Like then I found the Zodiac and I had seen pictures of the Black Dahlia corpse. And it wasn't until now that like it's kind of then the last podcast got going and And I started thinking like, you know, we'll get there. Yeah, eventually. You know, so I don't need to look into it now. And now I realize like why it's like this. It's very confusing. I am so deep in. I'm losing my fucking mind.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Because it's in the future, but it's in the past. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Can't wait to see all of you. And hail, sweet Satan. Oh, and how game?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
kind of assholes buying the toilet paper hey how much funny would it be like let's say yeah i mean this is all bad though but at the same time it kind of be fun to go in as a businessman you you're mad at the cops buy all the toilet paper now they all got shit dry man imagine 1940s toilet paper i'm pretty certain it was made out of hemp
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, see? Yeah. We're coming for you. We're coming for your dice, see? Listen, nothing Hitler about my mustache. All right? This is America's mustache. This is Frank's mustache. That's what it needs to be called. Yeah. You know that Hitler apparently shaved the mustache down in order to fit into a gas mask. Really? That's what they said according to him. That's what Hitler said.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And if you want to trust him, which I do, why not just shave the whole mustache? Because you need a little bit of something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Wow. That's fascinating. I didn't even realize that that's where he shows up. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And the gangster squad is interesting because a lot of them are pretty fat. Which actually, I like a fat cop. I think a fat cop is great because it means they think a lot. Yeah, and you can get away from them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm doing the thing where I'm seeing her face everywhere. I'm talking about hacking tits off everywhere all the time. It's getting a bit of a verbal tick of mine. And then what I did last night. Verbal tit? Last night, what I did is that I wanted to really get in the headspace. Just started waving knives around the kitchen. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, we respond from the office and my toilet. But these guys were very, it's going to get deep into the murky worlds because these were now supposed to be the new good guys. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, who's not on the take.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
But then it turns out a lot of those guys, What is the term? You have to be careful when fighting monsters to not become one yourself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Of course. And so the gangster squad would then go to bend quite a bit of the rules to do this very honest work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It's kind of like using a dental dam, right? You want to get at that pussy, man. You brought it back up into my mind. You brought it back. That's all the Constitution is. Yeah. Right? Because the pussy is crime, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because you got this guy, all Pelsart is is a reminder that they really don't care if any of you die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Couldn't care less. Pelsart's the only one that matters, and Pelsart doesn't even matter. He just needs to bring the stuff. As long as he has the stuff and he gets it safely and sells it, then he's fine. Or if he brings the money back safely, he's fine. But otherwise, all Pelsart is a reminder of like, oh, I'm an expendable piece of shit and he has no skills and he depends on me, but he's my boss.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He's the ultimate company man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, it sucked on there, man. I even don't like boats now. Yeah. You know, cruise ships aren't really nice now, except for you weren't going to join. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
On our true crime cruise. Which is true. The crime wave, November 3rd to 7th. Yep. We are going to be hosting our own mutiny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, now we're really going to fucking get into it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We cannot wait to be there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Why is as soon as I see it for some reason, maybe I'm just, I should have jerked off or something. Yeah. The idea of like a sailor's legs and butt getting all swollen and big and then looking at him and the first thing you think of is like he puts the curvy and scurvy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I just assumed. Just imagining his butt slowly expanding and you're just looking at it and, you know, all of a sudden his pockmarked rotten face is slowly but surely turning to Alexandra Daddario and you just don't know, you know, because you're out in the water or in any port in a storm. That literally is the story of the first time a guy ever had sex with another guy's butt on a boat. Is it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
God damn it. Cut all of it out. At the very top.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's where that term came from. Which term? Any port in a storm. the guy's name was port so once the scurvy sets up what do we port johnson
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Honestly, this is why. I mean, a lot of people have really been angry with me, but a part of my big reach out that I've been doing in Los Angeles is just throwing oranges at them. Yeah. And people get really upset with me. And I'm like, I'm fighting scurvy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Think about being one of the anonymous men on this boat who are all like, you know... I don't know my name. Me neither. I don't care. Neither do I. But these guys on this boat, they know that it's packed to beyond capacity for the planned murder, for their planned death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They know that this ship is overly filled because by the time we get to where we're supposed to be, it will be at just the right amount of people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Good with scissors. Yeah, very good with scissors. I just can't wait to go to my Amazon dentist surgeon gun store. It is going to be so much fun to have it all happen again because that's what it's going to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
See, I know that it's Ariana or Arian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You've got to put it in the VOC's terminology, Marcus. It's like each one of our incredible, intrepid members of our VOC family get to experience a luxurious beachside accommodation in the beautiful, beautiful skies of Southern Africa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But then I just think Ariana Grande. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because the whole thing was cheap, right? And they wanted to make sure that they didn't stop for long. And so everybody else had to stay on the boat. All the captains got to stay on the boat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
She fucking took over and mutinied Wicked. Yeah, that's right. She mutinied and took over that SpongeBob's dick and balls. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She better made her throat slimmer so that she could make his penis feel bigger in her mouth. That's a pretty slim throat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
White.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I need a sheep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hey, let's go over there. I heard that one guy's got a feed that smells like oranges.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, and I was joking about this with Marcus about how beastly do you have to be to be kicked out of a party on a boat that's tied up waiting to go to the Indies? Like imagining how rough that party must already be because they all go into the wine stores because they bring wine and booze with them. So they allow them to have extra rations like during this time period.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Only the upper class, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They get nothing. So like that party was crazy to begin with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Nothing will always remind me. We used to do that one show at a place called Sound Fix, and the producers of that show thought it was such a good idea to have a 6 to 7 p.m. open bar before the show, and it was impossible. Yes. It was literally an impossible show to perform. Yeah, we were performers slash bouncers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Borrowing the boat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We talked a little about this, and I think it's because he... Leadership revolves around social contracts that quickly dissolve when you move away from the center of powers that hold those like contracts in their hands. Right. So when you go out in the middle of the ocean, if you can't rule with an iron fist, you better be well liked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And but a lot of times you'll find that fear is a lot more effective than Out in the open water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
God damn. Is that a good way to start?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
If you're too nice, people try and kill you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Do I have to make your britches bigger? Do I have to go and get bigger britches for you, sir? All right, because right now it seems that your belly button is extending past your britches so far that I'm going to have to spank your belly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm using metaphors and I shouldn't. You're in trouble, is what I'm saying. Okay? You listen to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You! I need you to focus!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Meanwhile, during the Santa Ana winds, I'm sleeping like a babe. Yeah. The winds, like, knocked me out. I don't know what happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, it seems like counterintuitive. Yeah, but he could be a pirate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
but that's actually more in pop culture representation oh really that wasn't reality a lot of them were pretty like well it was a career like it's funny like you think about it in terms we always think about it kind of pirates of the caribbean style but it was also like weirdly like a job too i watched pirates of the caribbean dead man's chest to like uh get ready for this episode and it had nothing to do with it no it was across the other side of the world yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We talked about this in the very beginning when we were talking about how they assembled the team for this is that normally they hire from within. Normally it's a guy who works his way up a certain amount. And normally these trips out to the Indies were reserved for people that either were, I guess, the best of the best of the best or the worst of the worst of the worst.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This has to get done, and it needs to be done efficiently. And quickly. Yes, and it needs to be by the book. He is under a lot of fucking pressure. They're going to put him in a horrible place if he doesn't get this right. So I feel like it's also, you're in the middle of the ocean. You just fought with this guy the last time. At this point, you're like, I just don't want to fight with you, bro.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I just need to get your shit together so we can get this done with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I had bent in front of him. And I told him, you be a man. And you spanked the hell out of me. Take me. You take me. You master me. I say in there, you treat me like a dog. Be my father. And he didn't have the guts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. Treated like a little boy. Yeah. Being trained to be a man. The opposite way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You ever been pegged by a peg leg?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
These zoomers think they know everything. Well, we used to fight boats ourselves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It seemed to be no in between. He went in and said, like, he just got in, remember, because he was educated. Well, a captain vouched for him. Yes, so he got in, but the rest of them were, like, scared to death of their bosses.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I don't drone on. I'm pretty succinct. People have said that about my bits. People say, Henry, what a great self-editor. Which is why today I'm going to start with... No, I'm not going to do the big song. We're not starting with a sea shanty. Gurney's requested it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's such a cinematic moment in history. Because it's real. It's right. This is lifted right from the witness recollect. It's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I'm going to be doing the spanking. I'm going to be doing the bridge building, bridge buying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This is like two guys on Coke talking about opening a restaurant. This whole thing is like, because it's such a far-flung idea. It's just like, I have an idea. We'll take all the money. And then we, we're pirates. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You heard every single, you remember when you used to deal weed? You heard all those guys' fantasies about they're going to get out and they're going to go and they're going to turn into a DJ or going to turn into a mandala designer. They were all DJs. Yes, they were going to take that weed money and they're going to flip it to a sword store. You know?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because they knew what they would do.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
There's a little part of me that wonders if in the back of his head, if he's remembered where he came from in a way. And he's like. Yes. Like my people, the legacy of my people and my religion. The Anabaptists.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Is to go and to form our own home. Make Zion where we stand. Right. Like bring people to us. Create a home for Anabaptists. I think he's got a little Elrond. He's got a little LRH in his head.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, yeah, it's close to that way. But he didn't like boats. LRH doesn't like boats that much. He was forced to live on a boat. He chose the boat lifestyle. The boat lifestyle chose Euronymous. Where it's like, I think that this guy, there's a little part of me that wonders, he's like, out here... I can be the Pope. Sure. And Euronymous is just to remind me is a merchant, right? Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He's an under merchant. Under merchant.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
On the boat. But in real life, he was a pharmacist, but bad one.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hey, hey, sometimes we close our eyes. Because when it's a big fat guy, sometimes I close my eyes and I imagine me father.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Speaking of that. You got to go to the bathroom? I have to go to the bathroom. Use your hole. We'll be back after a word from our sponsors.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Get out of here. No. Get out of here. We're going to get to the rat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's what we do. Yeah, my ocean rope.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We just have one wet rope. I run between our cheeks, and then we all check each other. You guys do that with, yeah, I check Gurney. Ed checks Rob to make sure we're clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rob is fucking spotless. That's why these are produced.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Anyways, better go deal with the sales. Arr, I hate that guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The trip has to be worth more than what's in the boat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
There's a little thing about being human.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Tell me, do you guys have acai? Does anybody, where's the motherfucker supposed to get a poke bowl?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But I do feel like even the good food that the guys, the officers got to eat couldn't have been that good by the end. It's like, but they had to bring them like, they used to bake them turkeys and do all this like big extravagant meals. Yeah, for the first week. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's what I call my shit as well.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes. So a tenth of their entire corp was sitting underneath their feet as they were floating out into the middle of the Indian Ocean. And they're the most successful corporation of all time. Well, technically.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What? Having all that seawater? It wasn't good for them. No, it's not good for you, and it kills you. Yeah. It's very bad for you.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hey, man, you got to do something on that boat. Yeah. Yeah, and the scurvy made them blind, so that's the only way they could tell the difference between the bugs. Arr, I think I got a good one. It's a ladybug. Ah, tastes... Bad ladybug. Oh, I got... Hold on. Don't clean that. I want that back. Yeah, here. Take my bottle. Ah, yes. It's good. It's my used ladybug. Yes. Oh, yes.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Spur the fucking... That's what he means. For when we're having sex.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Vaguely. The word vaguely is doing a lot of work on that thing. Yeah, because you're just crazy and you haven't seen a sausage for months.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's the only thing I like about Loose Stool, Tim. He knows a lot of songs that make me cry. Angry means sad. Then I get happy, thinking I had the ability to be angry in the first place. And that means I'm alive. Thank you, Luke Stool, Tim. Oh, he's dead.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, yes. Very. Oh, God. You think Joe Rogan has the same four guys as me?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Forfeits! Yeah, because you could see loose stool Tim being like... Finally, I knew I'd be able to perform on this boat. He's having too much fun.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I guess you guys can all beat the shit out of each other. I know you like it. I love to see it. Oh, good quail. Oh, I'm so glad I could eat this six-month-old quail.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Truth or dare? Truth. Okay. Do you have a crush on Steven? No.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And I'll tell you what, my sick wife just will not have sex with me on that grave no matter what poison I bring home.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Meanwhile, I was just thinking of ship cockers. You don't have to think of a guy fucking a bunch of guys on a boat. Calkers.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I fill the hole with me. It's not helping. You're just fucking old Davy's locker. I'm almost done. I can't do it while you talk.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, that's nice. That works. Yeah, I know. Someone's got to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Is it because of the menstruations? Yeah. No, no, no, because the men just become monsters.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Can't they just put them on? They should put little penis locks on them. Yeah. Yeah. Or give an all-lady fleet.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Honestly, sisters are selling it for that same hand. I can see that. Okay. All-lady VOC trip. All right.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, it's better than just a baby's grave because it just sounds like you just put an infant in a hole. That's true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Do you want me to say it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh my God. Oh God, he was just telling me you're ruining your body with all of this. So I'm just going to go out there and I guess get Railed. In Indies.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You're prettier than the last whore I had sex with.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm a bad, I'm bad at this.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, yeah, dude, because, well, she also definitely needed protection because something was going on. Like, when she started watching her nursemaid fall and, like...
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's whatever she was.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
She was a servant, yeah. They called her the nurse. That was like one of those Shakespearean titles that they have or whatever. But there's just something to like... There's boatmances.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
super not confident person and that's how you know if your parents think I don't know it would be so nice if first thing you get somebody for their child's christening and just in case I bought a little plot right over here as you can see it's right by the restrooms so you can go and throw up out of grief first and then go look at the grave and his casket look how small it is look spider-man theme just like what he loves
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Boatmances happen. Yeah, sea wife. Yeah, people have sea wives. But the thing about this one is that it kind of gets out of control. They say he, for some reason, this lady... She was doing something, something. Well, they said she was unusually beautiful for the time. Whoa, no, I'm talking about the nurse.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm sorry. The servant, she essentially, you remember I said during their Fred and Rosemary West series that sometimes you're only as hot as what you're willing to do? Mm-hmm. That's this lady. This lady knows, oh, I've got, oh, if I want to get a special cut, I've got to gargle the balls. You know what I mean?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They really tried to stop any thought. Of mutinies.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Bit of a crick in the back! Like, I could see it feeling really good for half a second. Maybe.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
out working, I'm walking. And if I'm not rolling on the waves, I'm sitting. I hate the water. It's my enemy. But it's also my love. But I'm afraid of it. But it's also giving me everything I've ever got. I'm too poor to learn how to swim.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And you know, they're like, now I hope you have learned your lesson. Oh, no. No.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
All right, here's your leather strap, and don't forget your snorkel.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This will help you.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Now, just remember, this hurts us more than it hurts you.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Kill Owen, please!
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes, I care about nothing and I like it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, and the Batavia, it's easy for it to become a loan because it's fast as hell, right? Yeah. Yeah. And what they say is because it's so common for them to drift in and out, like for a while, they probably don't even think about it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I say when I was listening to the Dan Carlin Hardcore History episode about the Monster Revolution, there was a thing that he said that I thought was fascinating, that this is kind of how it works, where you got to remember before mass information, things and people getting new ideas was so like. It was kind of an amazing new thing at the time for an idea to spread virally, right?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because of the printing press, all this stuff coming out, like it's spread ideas. So the way like Dan Carlin puts it is that you can watch by sermon by sermon how Anabaptism got spread by like two people at a time. So Euronymous is using the same exact ability.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
slowly but surely using preaching at people one at a time to slowly like and so he'll be talking to six people one of them will get it no he's not talking to six people at a time at all no they're keeping it they're going by one by one there's no talking about in public at all not the mutiny aspect the ideas aspect Because then you see who picks up on the, there's no such thing as sin. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And then I got deep into the fucking up to the balls with Dan Carlin's Prophets of Doom, like all of the story about the Anabaptist rise and Munster and all this shit. And I found out that like essentially the same crew of Anabaptists, which we brought up last episode, were like kind of what Euronymous called. grew up in.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
There's no such thing as that. He starts saying these things, seeing who says like, yeah, I'm with you. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And then it's next level. It's cult leadership. Yeah. It's months that they really get to like dissect each other's psyche. Yeah. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Honestly, I'm surprised we know what we know. Yeah. It's because of how much witness testimony came from the survivors and Pelsarch Journal.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
With the recent rollbacks in our health departments, bitch disease is on the rise. And there's really not much we have to fight it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He's my girlfriend! All right. We are going steady. I am in way like with her. I sent her a note saying, would she go steady with me? And she checked yes.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Here's herpy one, herpy two, herpy three. Here's Ted. Here's Ted.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I don't think he was wrong.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They were going in there, and Pelsart's like, you fucking piece of fucking shit. He's sitting there dying, being like, I'm gonna die. I'm going to take over this little fucking ship. And they all like, just all they had to do was wait. Yeah. But why not do the suffocate thing that we were talking about earlier? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And it was a very specific sect of guys that were essentially the Protestant version of ISIS that decided to just start attacking a bunch of... After the Lutheran break of all the Protestant Reformation of the church... Basically, Martin Luther put a little tenet in there that says you're allowed to go interpret the Bible as you want. And it caused all this fucking chaos.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. They weren't ready. They were put season because there still was a bunch of soldiers in the way. There were still, if open war happened, If open war on the water happened, that would also be really bad for them because the soldiers would outnumber them.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And right now, yes, they have some of the sailors on, but they did not get to get to the soldiers because you didn't really know who they were going to be loyal to.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Underbarber, yeah, sounds like the guy from Pubic Hair Barbershop.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, he's the one with the big, like, thick glasses where you can see his eyes and his hair sticking up and going, oh, boy, I sure hope I don't have to do surgery today.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm drawing a line in the water.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Can't you just borrow a soldier for that shit?
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, it's very interesting they decided to play some weird esoteric political game instead of just killing him. Yeah. Because I also love this scene that they set by how like it really was this like long night and they were kind of like pretty certain that he was going to be dead. And then all of a sudden they looked up and they saw him standing at the railing.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Like and he was like.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And so the Anabaptist one sect went so far that they were like, oh, we're now destroying churches and reliquaries and doing all this shit. Aren't you happy, Martin Luther? Martin Luther says, no, please stop emailing me because. But then this Anabaptist crew took over Munster and did this whole fucking culling of all these people. And so it's from those guys comes Euronymous.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
All right, so what should we do here? There's the thing. I think what we do is we take her down. We'll cut off her head.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What I say we do, we can lift her up. We can chop up her arms. We can cut off her feet. We can play with her titties a lot. We can do all sorts of crazy stuff with it. And that's what'll get them. Yeah! Can I put doo-doo on her? My God.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
As soon as she said who it was, he was like, oh, fuck. Yeah.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He's like, oh no, this has gotten real out of hand already, hasn't it? That's like the one dude he's supposed to trust.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It seems that the wind's picking up.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I know maps. Because remember, the whole thing with the very special, highly proprietary Dutch way of getting to Jakarta and the Indies was that they are to go towards Australia. Make a left, because if not, you ain't gonna make it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Left if you're going north.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Left. Middle of the ocean. Yeah. You're at Jakarta.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Helpman's grand fuck-up No I've created an incredible route. That's what I've done. They're like no It's just him standing on a barren reef. Yeah drawing pictures of it. Well. I mean he'd remember this place
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
My deep, long info dumps on the historical slash horror movie thing. It's a feature, not a bug. People like it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And we talk about all sorts of things, about our favorite colors. We talk about what we'd name our dogs when we get them. I love you, Daddy. All right, well, let's just. Oh, please, I've got something cute out for you. Honestly, I do prefer it when you're silent. Do you like my titties? Yes, I do. Do you like my titties? They're like two seagulls with no feathers. Oh, my God.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
All right, now don't you get me horny in front of the boys.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's the thing. He also was partying on the boat when he was sick. When Pelsart was sick, they were all acting like he was going to die anyway. So they're all like partying and hanging out. They just blew right past him. We know Jacobs loves getting hammered.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, you're full of shit, buddy, all right? Fuck you, man. I'm trying to watch Great British Bacon Show with my girlfriend. Within moments, though, Captain Jacobs discovered just how wrong he was when the Batavia slammed into the reef at full speed.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Rob, can you give me a taste? I like show me the way to go home. Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Yo, I remember. Is that a shanty? I had me a drink about an hour ago and it went straight to my head.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, you're like, we can maybe do this. Because remember, they already had landed on a bank once and got off of it. So they're like, this can happen. Maybe we can figure out. But the main issue is they have no idea where the fuck they are.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It has to be so surreal to be stuck like that when there's thousands of miles of water around you in all places. When you're looking and then all of a sudden it all slides away. Because there's like just kind of these little islands kind of around them, sort of. Well, they can't really, at this point, they can't see any of them.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because you can save the main mast. You can actually take it. That's what they do. You can literally chop it off. And then if you fall it off, Craig, these are things you learn that are crazy. They can save it and reattach it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And that to me is one of the biggest.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's all he can think about is that the bottom of this whole ship has his whole life in it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This is where he had a heart.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, definitely the first layer, which I was in his journals are really interesting because he really he started writing the journals right after the shipwreck, because what he had to do was create a chain of events and a timeline for his bosses back home for every single thing that happened, because that's the only way he was going to get out of it.
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Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And the way he was talking about it is interesting because even in the that's kind of why I got to like him almost as I'm reading his journals. And it's the way he's talking about the fact that, like, he rushed to get the people off Pelser. Yes, in a rush to get all the people off. And he knew, he did know that the supplies were going to be fucked. But he chose human life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
This guy's an old salty dog. Dude, you remember when we came on here? Captain Jacobs? Yeah, Captain Jacobs is a salty ass dog and he's getting too old for this shit. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But then it's like, well, what's really the point if you're going to starve to death anyway?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The bursting of the hull made the evacuation of the ship a little more urgent. But the Batavia's crew did not subscribe to the women and children first principle.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Easy for too long.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Just sticking out of the ocean. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
She actually has a fairly large bosom. Does she? I never looked at it. Because I hate her so much. I always check them out. Even on men. You might be thinking of Lauren Boebert. Lauren Boebert, though, she has my heart. She's the real firecracker. She just needs somebody to treat her right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Approachable politician. She put the juice in Beetlejuice. She wasn't wrong. Now, for reference as I wish I could be knuckle deep in the House of Representatives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I know, you're trying to absorb culture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You're doing a wonderful job, Marcus. Thank you. We're doing our best. I went through Hardcore History in that podcast, and there's four different Bernards. Two different yawns. And you're just, there's nothing you could do. They just were lazy with the names. I don't know why the Dutch people were lazy with the names.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But also, he had a little plan in the back of his head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But isn't the captain supposed to be the last one on the ship?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I believe if it's going down, but his job is to get that stuff. Yeah, and I guess it wasn't necessarily going down yet. It was like perched like Noah's Ark.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Dude, it's crazy, right? Humans are weird. We covered the USS Indianapolis. It's that thing of like... Because what good would it do? Like, you're going to sit in an island filled with jewels and all this shit. Like, it doesn't matter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's a fun nihilistic afternoon. Money fights!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You're talking about uterus? It's like an oval-ish. You're talking about uterus?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They were complaining about how old the splinters in their feet from the wooden shoes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'll never forget it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. Because it's actually way more coverage than the island. We got all this shit in here and there's beds and stuff and whatever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, Euronymous hid on the boat, essentially. It's like he hid back because he was like, because at first, I do feel like it was like he was in a cocoon of evil, where he's sitting there being like, I don't know, because he's very weak. You know, this isn't some rugged...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I promise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Someone's got to go. Might as well be me. You stay put right here, and I'm going to be right back. I'm going to get some smokes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because he was certain he was in charge of the mutiny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Like that's what Pelsart thought it was Jacobs. Yeah. Not Euronymous. Yeah. It was both of them. But he did not. Pelsart assumed that it was Captain Jacobs who was doing it. So he was like, you're coming with me. Super friendly. Like, but then in the journal, he's watching his every move and writing all this stuff, basically building evidence against Jacobs while they're traveling around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Just keep the graveyard warm for me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
But there is like a, apparently there is like a, there's a, what's it called? There's a precedent for this. They've had this happen. This has happened before. Yeah. Not here, but there have been shipwrecks, and the VOC and survivors have gotten to where they're supposed to go, and the VOC has come and gotten it. Because the thing is, they got all their stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
So the VOCs will come and get their property.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. Yeah, god damn it. It's just always him with the fucking cool hanging out of his mouth. He's got one of those, like, heavy weight belts. All in all time, it's been like, god damn, what now? God fucking damn it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's nice, actually. I could just see Pelsart with the little boy that he might have met somewhere on the thing, just like getting... He's like, all right, all right, little Steve and I. You just stay right here and you just have fun. Yeah. Can you do that for me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Marcus, when do I get my own dictatorial syphilis nightmare? I want one!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, the secret's in me!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, okay. I will do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, that's what I'm picturing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I mean, as you read the journal, it does kind of talk about that. I'm pretty certain it is just a giant rowboat, and they just... It gets real boring real fast. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And frightening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Actually, they did save a lot of it. And actually, the Batavia is currently in a museum. I forget where it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I saw it, though. But there's a YouTube video. You walk through the whole ship. It's cool. I'm looking at the map the whole time, Marcus. Thank you for the map, Rob.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes, it is on the western side of Australia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
So it's not the Great Barrier Reef, because that's on the other side.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I hurt my back, too, yesterday at the gym, so I'm actually kind of, I'm feeling Jakobs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And Perthlings are enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It was too easy. You know what it was?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You know what it is? You were too proud of your use of the word semen. Because I knew what you were doing. And I knew you were trying to goad me. I wasn't trying to do anything. It's the word that is used for men at sea. I do believe that semen in this case is more appropriate than sailors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Well, they're bunching up. Yeah, and if they would have studied harder, they would have been Beeman. Yeah, it's the cream of the blood. It's the cream of the goddamn blood. Check out our patreon.com slash last podcast on the left, and you will see the cream of our blood, which is our podcast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We're about to release a bunch of other shows. We cannot wait. Go to LastPodcastOnTheLeft.com to buy those tickets for us. We are good at it. Come see. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Wow! From chortling at our imagined responses? No?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
God, all these guys suck. Hail the Reef. You know what? The Reef. Hail Joel and Shaw for fucking working overtime on this motherfucker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, so this is unbelievable. So hail them. Hail them. And make sure, turn left. Don't miss that left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
While you're working?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Which is like, you're 195 in sailor years. Yeah, to survive that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm a fucking one of these cape of good asses or something. We need some kind of something else. I'm sick of this fucking shit. I'm sick of waves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
If only I was younger, I'd do something different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
If I just got one shot, I'd dance. Such a sad catchphrase.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I'm talking to teacups and I had a relationship with an elevator. Yeah, Tom Waits. Jason.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hello! And I realized before, he's not Paul Rudd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes. So legitimately, again, this whole trip for Pelsart is to get him back to zero. It's not even to get him like to make him money. This is just so that he can start showing his face around town again. Yeah. And was there silver on the other ships in the fleet or just the Batavia? So the way it seems is that the Batavia held all of the treasure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The reason why part of the safety, the safety measuring things that they did was by going in large groups because what we said is it helps you immediately. You are not immediately alone in the water. You are surrounded by all these essentially messenger ships and various things that help the main boat do other things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And certain other, like you have the Pelsarts on the main ship, but there are captains on the other smaller ships that all kind of run various aspects, but mostly secure the Batavia. So it's all there. To keep the Portuguese away.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And regular-ass pirates. Yes, and regular pirates. And then when you arrive at the place, and then those people, let's say you are trying to bridge a new trading gap with a new crew of people, you don't know who they are either.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The first ever taco that also hydrates.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I hope you die. I hope it fucking kills you. I hope my content kills you. It will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
From the boogie-down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish-Italian java, last podcast on the left, and Spring Hill Jack coffee rising from the rubble with a new brew. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Nothing to do with any moth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a Butterfly Dude. Don't mind the blue eyes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now my butt's touching something. Oh, God, I'm sitting so hard right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Like Henry said, they're in heaven right now. Busy. They're busy, which is a very Mormon thing. Yeah. If you're in, if you're, you can't never be, it's not like heaven's for relaxing. No. Heaven's just a work release program. You go up to heaven and work because remember in the Mormon world too, and specifically in the Chad Daybell world, there's no such thing as death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You just move into another place. And there's ghosts all around us that are both sometimes physical, sometimes not. There's demons, ghosts, there's helpers, angels, disembodied spirits, non-bodied spirits. And then they all live and hang out, having a great time. So, yeah. Like, yeah, they didn't kill their children. They sent their children to college in space. Yeah. So huge for them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's the idea is that they are, that's how they slowly massage the extremism in, especially because Mormonism as a whole looks all innocent and it looks all silly and goofy until you pop the top and then you realize you're all fucking insane. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He is the least charismatic human to ever exist. If I'm ever in the same room as Chad Daybell, I'm going to punch him in his fourth chin so hard. I hate that Winnie the Pooh motherfucker so much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's also what they take to be rock star behavior. In Mormon communities, which I've noticed, as we'll get to, this is a very deeper story. This isn't even a deeper story. It's that the Mormons, the Mormon people like somebody that's humble. Yes. They like a sickly prophet. They love going into and just hearing a man warble in a high, tremulous voice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And he's a, they are, because if you listen to them talk, it's a very specific style. They even talk about it in some great podcasts I was listening to. They call it GA speech, which they are one of their big topics. What was the podcast? Yeah, it was called Mormon Stories. They're great. They're very dry, very good. And they talked about, like, it's called G.A. Voice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
So Mormons love somebody who takes a long, plodding, thoughtful, soft, kill me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
cute yeah better than tot mom yeah i remember yeah tot mom was the worst yeah yeah doomsday mom's fun yeah and like i knew yeah that's the nancy grace part of it being like when we get down to the final days it will be between me and laurie valo in a two-time two-time fall competition i can't wait to see nancy in there
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But this is, it's not, her whole family, next episode, that's when we get to Lori Vallow. Yes. They've been prepping, they prepped her with the prep sauce from the very beginning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
See, I don't know how to do that, like, on a table, because they do work the back legs, and I do wish that they'd manhandle my flaps more. Yeah. But the problem is that I feel like the more I ask, they say go, like, north.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And I would like to thank, like, the research done at Hidden True Crime and Mormon Stories Podcast have so, there is, like, if you want content, if you like a fucking hole to go down, like I do, this is where you go. If you want to find the Chad Daybell, Lori Vallow, sweet marrow, it is within these podcasts, and it is long. Like, each one is, like, six hours long. There's so much information.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You meet a lot of Lori's family. There's a lot to learn here, and there's a lot to unpack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And secret layers. Then you get to the secret layers. Then you get to the code words. Then you get to the stuff that doesn't mean what they say it means. Like, it's a very mysterious religion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, the Garden of Eden is in where? Missouri? Yeah, the Mormon Garden of Eden is in Missouri. Love Missouri. We might be going to St. Louis soon, so we'll find out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We know this. We know. This is different. I was talking about the GA guys. This is different. No, no, no. He's new blood. He's super cool. Yeah, man. Yeah, he's super Gen X. He's super like, oh, my God. Let me try to think. That's the lithium voice. Yeah. Like Kennedy. You know, like it's the Kennedy voice. You know what I mean? Hot girl. Hot Gen X girl voice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The slime of filth inside of my mother's cavern covered me with such sin that even at that moment, I wish I could burst into flames.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If you spend more time in Salt Lake City, it's like that old community is fucking wild. They just, they drink blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You also be prepared for the avalanche of terrible names in this entire fucking story. They all have the worst names. It's like Braxton and Fennec and like... Turner and Skye. Yeah, there were shit. Awful Mormon names.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He used seeing stones. He would he actually use chaos magic and like left hand magic properties as a young man. And it's one of those things. Same thing as the secret sauce of Scientology, which is the OTO structure. Like it is the same thing. All of that wiggity stuff that they happen to be, quote unquote, against all that Harry Potter shit. That's what started them all. Yeah. The bland wizard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah. Yeah, because your butt is the most European part of you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
To glutes. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of glutes, today's episode makes me long for the Catholic Church. Yeah. And the simple honesty of the leaders of the Catholic Church. Because you know what's nice about Catholic Church and their priests and their folks? They know they're evil. Yeah. They act like it. Yeah. And they're super confident about it. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Xtina's there?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I say, show them titties and get out there, Mr. Man. Well, let me ask Lionel Richie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's hard. With your shoe? Impossible. The other bees attack you. Chad Daybell is a fucking liar. He's never stepped on a bee. He's never done a goddamn thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And they don't need to pretend to be humble because they got big hats covered with diamonds on them. Yeah. And they spend their fucking money. They're spending their money. They're not just sitting on it like a bunch of fucking Mormons are waiting for a quote unquote rainy day, which is going to kill the rest of us. And then they're going to spend their money. Yeah. Buy your scepters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Hey, you know, we could get a pack of cigarettes if you just touch that man's penis. And then we can use the cigarettes to get a law book.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's called, in the name of the restaurant, Zanku Chicken. And the idea that you would sell a salad and not put... It should be difficult to remove the chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Boing!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Buy your big hats. Buy bigger hats. Do it now, guys. It's not coming. Jesus Christ is not coming back to America. It sucks here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
So this is one thing I also want to remind everyone, that I have to remind myself, is that every... Mm-hmm. And then his buddies making him jump off a cliff because that's what he said. He's like, you know, I had a bunch of prankster friends and they thought it would be a real right scenario of hilarity if I were to jump. And I said, well, you can't pay me to be up there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But next thing I know, I'm up there. And it's the way he talks about how he falls because then he sees his grandfather and his grandfather downloads all this information into his head. His grandfather shows him all the books he's going to write. And he's like, these are all the books you're going to write.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Enjoy yourself because you're the most talented Chad I've met since, I don't know, since I as your grandfather blew my brains out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Nice to meet you. Here with Henry Zebrowski. I'm fucking angry today. Yeah. I'm angry. I'm full of it. I can't wait to come for these people and come on these people. And I also want to say this whole series is going out to our ex-mos. We love you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Well, also the gift of discernment really supposed to be a power of the authorities of Mormonism. Yes. If you get what you call the second anointment, which is the super secret thing inside of Mormonism, so you get the second anointment, which means you're super extra holy and you might be one of the 144,000.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And that's the gift of discernment. And the gift of discernment is extremely important in this story because it makes... everything concrete reality in the Mormon world. As soon as someone on the board of Mormonism says, this is true, this is a part of capital M Mormonism, it is then concrete reality. And they are literalists.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Everybody that is in the Mormon religion believes in the actual words of the Bible. They don't think it's metaphor. They think it's literal. So this is the same. They are being told that you can now do this. You have superpowers now that you have done this thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I like to call it the Benoit-ization of society.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, this is where we're probably going to get some kind of flack from somebody, maybe, which I hope, because this... This little line we're about to take is considered the most heretical version of Mormonism that you can be a part of. Like this here is what I call the Mormon deep state that we are kind of stumbling upon. I'm going to explain that more through the series.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And our soon to be Exmos I want to say if you somehow found yourself Here right now This is your signal to get the living fuck out Yeah man ditch the backpack Get a shirt with a collar It's going to be a big day for you Seriously have a cup of coffee I dare you to walk into a Dunkin' Donuts right now, get a cup of coffee, see what happens. You will be having visions beyond the veil like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But Tom Harrison is a shyster. A fucking con man and an absolute piece of shit. And I do think that at some point, like, who knows? They are. We're going to see what happens once we start talking about this. He's dead, though, right? No. Very much still alive. Very much still important in the Mormon church.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
There is a distinct difference between the other Mormon NDE literature. So there's a whole subgenre of Mormon NDE literature. It's massive. It's huge. But everybody else up to this point, when they wrote one of these books, they wrote them in a kind of cushy way. It was very much like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
There's a heaven, and it's nice, and you'll meet your relatives and your ancestors, and it's... Normally, they're very positive and very fluffy and kind of garbage. Truly garbage. They're all garbage. Visions of Glory is the most garbage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But where Visions of Glory is different is the end sequence in which he talks about the end times and how he can prepare for the end times because he knows, because this isn't a quote-unquote Mormon vision, this is just a standard NDE, he now has... actual confirmation in what is going to happen at the end of the Mormon storyline.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And the idea that Mormons are going to save the United States of America from invasions after massive earthquakes and tsunamis and all this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's a massive country. It's a lot of land.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
See, these guys are, I mean it. If you want to, to be honest, if you want to wipe out most of the governing body of Mormonism, I think a couple of well-placed air horns will surprise them to the point where their skin will fall off. President of Mormonism right now, Russell M. Nelson, is 100 years old. Yes. He is looking like he's not going anywhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He is turning into a urinal cake as a person. But this is also, it's slightly even more complicated than this, because Tom Harrison was pulled aside. So Tom Harrison's... Yeah, of course it's more complicated. I'm just trying to simplify it. You're the best. Tom Harrison, he was in charge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I want this to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Tom Harrison started as a man who was a therapist for children who have experienced sexual trauma. And so that's what his job is. Now, Tom Harrison, he wrote this book. All this controversy came out saying, you have put yourself first.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You're going to be doing this already. It's called a cheap cult. It's called experiencing something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
above jesus christ between jesus and god as the person that has the most answers that's this idea that's what you've done with this revelation tom harrison gets called into the main office they say you should have kept this in your pocket this has been the thing you never should have put out even though he used his own in connections to the quorum of 12 to get it approved in order to back door get it published without their without anybody finding out until it was already too late so this when this comes out they finally come in they're like you can't do this this is fucking us up
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He writes a letter of apology. Tom Harrison writes a disavowal of the book in which he talks about how he's Spencer and blah, blah, blah. But he's it's utterly full of shit. But then what he does is on the side. But it's actually all true. Yeah. And that is the superpower of it. It's the super it's because now it's fringe. It's hidden. It's secret. Now, visions of glory is a cult following.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, visions of glory is a thing that you're in the know. You have to know a secret about it. And that's what gives it extra funky juice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
God. It's the power of Jesus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The pope! You think the Pope's more fun than the Mormon? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He lives in Italy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Someone from Buenos Aires or someone from Ogden? You know, I like Ogden, though. You've never been to Ogden. It's all the same. I mentioned that table because it's like, you know, the Pope, you got Russell M. Nelson, you got Tom Harrison, Putin, Yee, Kanye West. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. That must be a crazy dinner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It also made them concretely real. That is the key, is that when you get that yes, go ahead, it means you have created a series of canon-like stories for the Mormon religion as a whole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Correct. I just said also again, up top, this is not going to be super friendly to the Mormon religion. No. But we love all of you still. It's important for you to hear this because we've just like with Scientology, we have seen the beginning of Mormonism. And now we are seeing what I just straight up call the middle of Mormonism. We are in the middle of Mormonism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They love subversion, you know. So huge fans. No, they also are, you now see it with Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell. Chad Daybell was very publicly, he was very publicly excommunicated.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But Lori Vallow has not been yet because they don't want it to go back to her anymore. Chad Daybell, they feel a little bit of sense of responsibility for, but Lori Vallow, still the more dangerous, the truly more dangerous one. They just don't even want to mention.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They just think, again, there's something about the Mormon humble arrogance that fills me with such a powerful rage where it's like, because that's what this is. It's we're better than Visions of Glory. Nobody cares about Visions of Glory. We're not going to let... Meanwhile... Visions of Glory eventually will be known as the Turner Diaries for the Mormons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It will be known as a book that creates radicalized murder cults. It is going to happen again. It already is. It's happening with Jody Hildebrandt. It happened with Tim Ballard. It is happening. It's real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Excuse me, do you have a waifu pillow in? Sorry. No. Oh, well, I'm gonna have to go kill my family. Sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I'll pray for you. Give me that bong. What this shows, though, that is a thing that we really can't push under the rug because what it's showing is that Tom Harrison to this day says, I have nothing to do with it. If you go and look it up, there is a thing right now that connects. It's like I forgot. It's Tom. It's John Pontius's website.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The guy who wrote vision, quote unquote, wrote visions of glory. It says specifically Tom Harrison has nothing to do with Lori Vallow and Chad Dayball. Tom Harrison has nothing to do with Tim Ballard and blah, blah, blah. They were hanging out. They were texting each other. Tom Harrison was their Steve Bannon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And that's very interesting because we get to see a religion grow up and turn into whatever evil form it's going to in front of our own eyes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They're podcasts that were turned against them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know what? I'm going to say it. He didn't have a fucking single one. He had it. One, he was sick and he almost died, he says, blah, blah, blah. He had a very traditional NDE in which he ripped it off of every other fucking book that's ever had an NDE in it. Except for all of the mountains of lore, all the weird world that he creates that Chad and Lori are going to try to make real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But later on, he also had the, it was when, this is what I was saying about, remember they're Mormons. So Tom Harrison, the second big NDE happened when he took pain pills for the first time. He had surgery and he took pain medication and he was just stoned. And he did not know what stoned was. Yeah, the same thing happened to my dog. Yeah, ask Tootsie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If Tootsie could talk, I'm certain Tootsie's talking to Moroni as well. Yeah. I don't want to follow Tootsie's revelations, though, because it's really just going to be about chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's like, he definitely doesn't want you, too. You know, like, if you came back four times to God and he's still like, uh, not your time yet. Actually, you've got some time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How? It's not a metaphor. It's a story. It's a full story. There's nothing metaphorical about it. It just tells what happens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
This is why ancient, when you'd say, like, if you ever, if you believe in anything about the idea that there might have been secret schools or, like, this is a function of it. What happens is you have something ludicrous. This is very similar to the Xenu reveal. Yeah. where you've now come too far.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Well, it's the Great Wall of Fire, right? LRH said that you'll hear the Xenu story, and if you aren't ready to hear it, you'll go insane and die. Right. They think that you'll flip out and it's in a super secret room and they bring you a fucking suitcase and you open it up and it's handwritten pages from L. Ron Hubbard himself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And you read them silently in a room, put them back in a box, and then you just have to sit with it. That's what they do. And this is the same thing. Tom Harrison is viewed as. as a true prophet, the true prophet. And these motherfuckers were all scheming in order to flip the entire Mormon church. And that's my big leitmotif that I'm going to say at the end of this whole fucking thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
This whole thing is the deep Mormon state trying to get a hold of that $200 billion. You just said it at the beginning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Keep explaining.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know what's funny is that they never really took for me. Maybe it's because I'm not a big marshmallow of a man. I don't fucking want to kill my kids. Yeah, I like happiness, you know? I like anger in music.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Very much so, but I like sad dance. I do like sad dance music, so technically that's the peak of sad dance music, but it's not necessarily for me. I feel like Smiths fans just like chew on their own shirts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Is Carolina a huge Smith fan? Yeah, we both are. Well, you know, everyone has their flaws.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
God, what I would have given to see him on the streets of Newark. Oh, my God. Someone should have done the right thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That was Brigham Young. Brigham Young brought him over there, and then that was considered. If you do go across those salt flats, it is very interesting. It's very beautiful over there. The natural arches is extremely beautiful. I do see why they think that Zion would be there, but they were wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I hate everything about him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Because there's, I've watched, I just watched an hour long talk with him talking at a antique store where he's talking about his books. And that motherfucker is, he's so non-magnetic. He's the least magnetic human I've ever seen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No, he's a big punchy piece of fucking shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But eventually you know that is a deal that you will regret because Beetlejuice is difficult to remove. You made me laugh. What about Casper? You ever come across Casper? Casper is, to be honest, is a pervert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
My heavenly father's Pedro Pascal. He's talented. Bicon. Spread him open.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I want to be with him until he's forever and be a part of me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Hey, huge fans. Yeah, please come on the show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If I put a hand low and a hand high and I just look at the chest, I'm like, Kelly Riley.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's just at the beach, and the waves are coming. They're like, be careful, Chad. Waves coming in. Oh, these waves. You know, like, he's just standing on the edge, and he's like, these waves are crazy. Yeah, Chad, you're going to watch out for the waves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They tell you how the tides work every day on an app called a weather app that you can find out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Is it true, English, that there's a little box that you can see the human anatomy inside? You're not Amish. Not I, English.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
assignments were at this point well the assignments are him understanding his place in the revelation yeah and that he is supposed to lead and that he is going to he needs to write his books he needs to tell everyone his story yeah yeah the assignments for mormons are like make pancakes and force people to eat them because they need food and then try and convince them to join your church yes normally an assignment for mormon is like i need you to build a barn and i need you to have sex with your daughter
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Maybe I'll put it this way. Every single word he says is horseshit. Yeah. And that he never had one, and he stole it all from Visions of Glory. Yep. And Tom Harrison stole it from a psychiatrist that wrote about it during the Satanic Panic. Yep. They've all stolen it, and each one is plagiarized. They made fun of it. None of it's real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious, and not just the same beans. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If you almost die four times, you become the Hulk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, nothing makes me think of my bright future like digging a grave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Some kind of Asian. Some kind of Asian that ran over my son.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
What's important here, too, is the grooming of Tammy Daybell. Tammy Daybell is a normal, quote unquote, normal Mormon wife. Sure. So during this time period, she is watching Chad change. And she, I imagine like many people at first is like, oh, she did support the vision. She supported a little bit of this, but it's becoming more and more real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's making it more and more part of their day to day saying, my visions are saying we should get McDonald's and my vision. They're like, he's saying stuff like this where they're all like, all right, then they go do it. So you get used to it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I know he killed Laurie's kids, and he probably killed his wife, and he probably helped kill a couple other people, but his biggest crime is his writing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's also a very famous landmark, and it would seem like a really good way to show that society is falling apart, as if you kind of illustrate a famous thing like that, or the Eiffel Tower, like burning down.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And now we know Lori Vallow has been convicted, three consecutive life sentences for the deaths of her children, and not yet Tammy Daybell. That's going to be the next trial.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Ha ha ha!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He uses the term dropkicks in a book like he's 13 years old. Like, that's how someone describes, like, I like a dropkick. I think a dropkick's really fun. I freaking love a dropkick. We all do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You have to like all of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And have an editor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He did, but it was not a good one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But now Lori Vallow is going to trial for Tammy Daybell's death. I thought she's on trial for Charles Vallow's death. It's all fucking mixed. It's all just this shit. But Lori Vallow, she's representing herself. So it is wonderful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Over here we have the steam room, which is cool. We have some ice plunges. This is the Virgin Mary, not so much anymore, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now she can be fucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I prefer a hot tub of aborted fetuses.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, come on. You want to go see my place? Yeah, here we go. It's a studio. But I like it. I'm Benjamin Franklin. It's fine. I thought I'd get more. I got to wait. It's something to do with what I did with my slaves or whatever. But this is the Murphy bed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
She is very certain she is correct. And Lori Vallow is probably one of the more frightening human beings we will cover on last podcast on the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah. It's the last forever. But it is interesting is that it's a full part of the religion. Yeah. Is this doomsday prep like section. There's a whole version of it. And so it's normalized. And I also thought was really interesting while listening to Mormon stories. As I said, one thing that was interesting about the Chad Laurie's story is that so every they call them awards.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's like the neighborhoods. Every Mormon award is like. Certain section of wherever you live, you were born to a ward.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, the 6th Ward, the 9th Ward, all that stuff. And they believe that within those wards, you are, like, essentially, you're responsible and you're just kind of dropped in. But within those wards... There's always some kooky guy that had a dream that they know where Kolob is or they know where to go, where the new Nauvoo is going to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And they say that it's so common that you're just so used to it. You're like, OK, and you just kind of roll past it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It is key to remember that Chad is chasing trends. He is trying to be quote-unquote savvy about his positioning of his near-death experience books and his own near-death experiences. He knows—this is one thing also Mormon Stories said that I thought was really interesting is that near-death experiences within wards are power grabs. They literally are a way to—
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
put yourself forward as a, I'm a new prophet. And when you can, and so this is, it's, it's his near death experiences are self-made.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Everyone's been telling me to watch this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I actually did start watching it because Natalie was watching it. Because, also, you guys want to go check out someplace underneath in their coverage of the Mormon church. I'm going to keep plugging them because they've been getting into the money now. But, yeah, we've been watching American Primeval. It's pretty good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah. If you do, I listened to a very interesting talk on hidden true crime with a guy that is a prepper that was a member of Lori Vallow's family, the prepper family that she came from. And he said something that was so illuminating that we've guessed it for years, but he said the words out loud where he was like, I've been prepping my whole life. I'm ready. I want it. I'm here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And I need to be challenged now. I want my challenge. And so they are willing to do whatever it takes to bring about the end times so that they can LARP on our time. They want to go and live their survival stories out loud while we all die. Just destroyed by walls of fire and floods and comets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And so that they can go live their Mormon romance fantasies of living in a world where your wives and children have to die so that you could do the couple's ruse in the post-apocalyptic Mormon future where you can coax.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No, and we start to realize, though, is that what you can do to make your own reality, and it's a very good American concept, is that you can go out there and start it. So that's kind of what they think, is that if we just start acting like the end times are about to come, maybe they will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They just want everybody that they don't like to die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know what's the worst part? You know what's the worst part of somebody who's bad at stuff like this? Is that he's also prolific.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How's that novel you're working on where it's the reimagining of yourself as a gay octopus having sex with Carolina?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The last draft was, you know what I said, the last draft was irresponsible. I said what you wrote was incendiary, and we really can't have another Visions of Glory out there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I know, and that's why when you got the eight tentacles inside of her, my first thought was, is this nice? Yeah. I thought it was. Hey, it's love. It's romance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No, no, no. No, this is a part of it. It's this awkwardness. This is a whole vibe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, she is very ready.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's how I feel about my haters, dude. Fucking whatever. You're about to meet Jesus soon. You're going to be dead. Yeah. Yeah, fuck you, haters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know, I don't have anything special about me. Pay attention to me. There's nothing special about me. I might be able to talk to God, but there's nothing special about me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And honestly, if that's your only safe place, then fucking kill me. Yeah. I did a Google walkthrough of Rexburg because I've never seen it. I just want to look at it. Not impressive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You wouldn't believe it. I was sitting there. I was filling up, obviously, my Dodge Ram. I was filling it up, all $95 of it. And I saw this little square hovering above where the gasoline prices were. And in that little vibrant square, it said, come to Idaho.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That is also one of the main features of the Mormon, like, post-apocalyptic world is rampant volcanoes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I have attempted to read several Chad Daybell books, and I will not finish them. No. I refuse to finish them. Wow, and you finished David Icke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It also can't be stressed enough how non-urgent and how non-serious this very deadly thoughts were. When you go and listen to them talk, it's so cuddly. It's so like, oh, shucks. And it's not until you're listening to the words that you're like, every single time they say something, you're like, that requires millions of people to die. That's just called subjugation of a woman's body. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's, like, something else. Like, you're literally just, like, you're just saying horrible things.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
So you're going near death. I don't know. Will there be saw blades everywhere? Is it all on a broken sheet of ice?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You finished multiple L. Ron Hubbard books. I actually think that Chad Daybell might be the least talented person to ever live.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They all have the very same kind of flat effect. Yeah, the cadence. It's very... It's purposeful. It is done on purpose. He is doing it to sound like Tom Harrison. Yeah. And Tom Harrison is doing it to sound like Russell Nelson. It's kind of like... It's a voice. It's a style. And so people kind of... It's just, aw, shucks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I don't know about the... And the best part is that because they keep getting pushed into the fringe deeper and deeper, I think that really what comes about is that... How could I be dangerous? Yeah. I'm just this guy. I'm just talking my truth. I didn't want to. I'm a humble messenger. It's all of this horse shit where it's like they're all bloodthirsty maniacs that want to act like they're not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yay! This is the first podcast-based crime! Wow! It's true?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know what I mean. He's also, those are all the ones, those are the ones that are all based upon plural marriage. I have my, one of my big major theories is that Mormon cults can be broke down by specific Mormon sins and what they don't want you to do. And they, how they, they, certain things are hinged on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Like the blood atonement stuff is kind of based upon those, the two brothers that had a death cult. And then we have this, you know, Warren Jeffs is all about literally just creating entire system in order to have sex with children. Yeah. this is, that's kind of what Tim Ballard was doing too. And then this is about the gift of discernment. It's about flipping the entire Mormon church.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That is the worst name for a podcast I have ever heard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And there was Feel the Fire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That could be cooking. That could be hell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
So...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The craziest planet of all. What's cutting hair like on Pluto? It's very difficult due to the gravity issues. Very difficult to clean. It's cold. Very cold. Get an umbrella. But don't worry, if you don't like the weather, wait an hour.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How do they get him? Is it still out? Can you listen to it? It's very difficult to find. I went scouring the internet to find all of their podcasts. They've mostly been taken down. There's bits and pieces. Mostly what I have found is videotape of their various presentations at conferences, like preparing of people and of these other things that we will get to. But guess what, Eddie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, very much so. Did you ever read the chapter? Did you read Visions of Glory? No. There is a chapter. I don't have time. Yeah, well, I did. And there is a chapter in Visions of Glory in which Tom Harrison says that he can psychically he met a man from, I believe, I forgot what island it was from. He met a man from I want to say was Polynesia. And he said that he touched his hand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And then he said that he saw the entire history of the Polynesian people, including all of the rape. and murder that they did and how they were an unsophisticated group of island brutes. And so it seems that he took it from that. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like he definitely has a bias.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's racist. He's deeply racist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Wow. This is just, I'm so happy that I got some of this rage out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I needed to get it out today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No, you know what it is about Lori Vallow? You like the way she looks. You know? You called her hot earlier. She is attractive. I do find her attractive, but I do think that she's... She's not attractive. She's the evil one. Yeah. So I'm a little bit... I like... We're about to get evil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Part two is going to get... We're going to see the other side. What really creates the actual very, very dark edge of Chad Daybell is going to be what Lori Vallow brings to the table and her family, what she learned from her family, all this type of shit. That's what's going to create this fucking evil toxic soup and it's just going to get worse. worse from here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It all does. It's almost like every single group of villains in the United States of America are working together as a team. And we are suffering as a result. But otherwise, things are fine. And go check out someplace underneath Run right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They are really doing extremely deep work into the they're going to cover the Tim Ballard story. They're going to cover kind of things that I even dropped. But right now they're running through all of the various sources of Mormon money because they're talking about these holdings, which is the action.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You're not missing anything. They... Fucking suck. They suck at talking. They suck at humor. They suck at talking. They're the worst group of fuck faces to exist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's a it's kind of a massive elephant in the room with all of these conversations, because, again, all of this humbleness hides the fact that they're sitting on a world changing amount of money. $200 billion? Something like that. It's an astronomical sum of money that they can do whatever they want with. And what's it going to be?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And check out Goodwood. We'll be live next week on the 27th. And we might be taking a little trip. To where? We'll see. All right. I'll tell you who is taking the trip. Us. We're in Dallas right now. Seriously, come out. If you're in Dallas, come out. We're going to have fun. Tonight's going to be a great fucking show. We got a lot of stuff. Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. The 22nd. The 22nd.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And then we've got dates. We're going to be in the Ryman. Come and see us at the Ryman. If you're in Nashville, we're going to have so much fucking fun. We're going to have the Ryman. I believe then we're going to Huntsville, Alabama for side stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, we should totally go to Wernher von Braun's grave. Absolutely. We can do some Roman salutes. Oh, yeah. Marcus said this, and I want to remind you, go to last podcast on the left dot com to buy those tickets. That is where you want to go. If you just look up last podcast on the left live, they will take you to see like scammers, ticket scammers, which apparently is it's horrible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
We can't do anything about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And you also can see us again, Contact in the Desert 2025 from May 29th to June 2nd. We are going to be there. We're going to be doing several shows over the weekend. We're going to be around doing stuff. It's not finalized quite yet what we're doing. Yeah. And whatever shows we're not on, we will be heckling. Yeah. So be there. Be in the crowd because we already walked one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Michael Sedona is not coming back. He's not. He said our spiritual attack on him caused him to lose 25 pounds. Wait, us? Yes. He says our satanic spiritual attack on him ruined him and that he had to go into spiritual recovery. He had to go into a prayer monastery. Like, he had to do all of this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
All right. It's awesome. So we will be the ones burning the effigy of the World Trade Center this year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But also, I will bring up quickly one tiny little weird theology thing. Very quickly. Is that the 144,000 can be interpreted in different ways. There's one way, which was the Joseph Smith OG way, which is the idea that 144,000 people were what were going to be left, right? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
If you want to help us, if you want to send in a paper mache World Trade Center, go to the P.O. Box, P.O. Box 470, North Hollywood, California, 91603. If you're a lucky listener who sends in the first World Trade Center paper mache diorama, That's the one we're going to burn. Lie. I'm contacting you, Besser. All right, that's it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
What these guys have interpreted as, in terms also their mentor interprets it as, is the 144,000 are the generals and the captains of the Mormon army that will live through the tribulations. And they will go and they will gather all of the Mormons that are left after everybody's fucking dead. And they will also have special powers. More men, more like less men.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, you're coming against RPGs. I'd play a Mormon RPG. But they are, this is LARPing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You're right, but it's the LARPing involved because it's like, it's crazy. It's so hard to just roll a natural 20 when you're trying to smother your children. Because that's what you have to get. You have to roll a natural 20 so that you can properly sink them into the hole so that nobody can see. That makes a perfect flat lay. Like, that's like, if you hit a critical success, that's huge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But yeah, they're just doing it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Soon as tabletop games get involved.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You just call me Mircus? They're not dead. They're in heaven. Yeah, of course. They're busy. And they're working. Have they got their own planets yet? No, they can't. They're fucking gross. It's a baby. It's like a lady.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
She can't be in charge of a planet that's too emotionally insecure. It takes the stable nature of a man, a grown boomer, to really run a planet correctly. Yeah, especially Uranus. Yeah, a lot of boomers love Uranus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
The slow roll-up of capital M, straight-down-the-line Mormon to fringe Mormon is not that far. No. You can get over there very easily. The capital M Mormon is trying to make themselves now more reasonable, more approachable, more open to modern conventions, modern ideas. Well, that's how the Mormon church has always been.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
They changed with the times. Yes. But these guys, these guys want to roll, roll, roll, roll, roll it back. And they want to roll it back in a way that also never really existed. They want to roll it into a cartoon world that never was. But really the only way to do that, again, is if all the rest of us are dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Do you want to listen to Last Podcast on the Left without ads? Do you want extra content? Do you want to see what it's like behind the scenes? Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the Left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You know, I've been waiting to say that myself. You can right now. Practice, Eddie. Holy hell, someone cut this woman in half. No, he's a girl. A woman can vote. Holy hell, someone cut this girl in half. Yeah, let me try. Let me try. Let me try. Holy hell, someone's cut this girl in half. Less happy. Oh, I thought it was announcing it to the neighborhood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
the mystery begins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Goddamn right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Holy hell, someone's cut this girl right in. Let me get my ruler.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It was perfectly cut between the vertebrae as well. So it would not have scored any of the various organs that would have been there in the first place. So it probably was done by somebody who's done it before. You know, I just found out about the true waist, you know, because I like wearing my pants below my belt, below my belly and stuff. And they're like, oh, I think I have a 36.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But they're like, no, no, no, no, you're 49. I was like, no, this is my waist. Like, that's not your waist. No one tells fat guys this. I have four waists. I have my main, what I consider my youth waist, which is pinching my fat around where my belly button is, right, in order for my pants to stay up because my belly is inherently soft, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But then I have my top, top waist, which is right under my tits, which I will eventually get to, but I do, I should have, I should be killing some communists in a war somewhere first. And then I'm not. But then you have the under the belly waist, which is the best one. That's only when it's 70. Then I get the suspenders over the waist through my shoulders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And once the suspenders are involved, fourth waist becomes the shoulders, which is where the pants do indeed lie, because that's where the weight of the suspenders is. That's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And I want to say thank you, Marcus, for sending me all the pictures because I was looking online. I couldn't find the proper uncensored pictures of the of the body because I want to I want to look at it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I think it's important. And I was really thankful because Marcus went to his books that he had him in and he took pictures of them and sent them to me. And then I got a really fun iPhone album picture album.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Or maybe since we made this city out of nothing, built it upon nightmares that you thought were dreams. You know, there was like full on like a weird inquisition around here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
set to the top of my like literally where it's just like memories from l.a 42 yeah and it's just a set to like no reason you know they chose a song some random song because it's short yeah it thinks wow that's what it fucking is and then they got it's just this her pictures of her corpse yeah just rolling through so Thanks, Apple.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'll send them to you in an album. I'm actually going to get them printed. Put them in my pillowcases like you used to do in college. What we're going to do is we're going to include them in our new advertising partner, StoryWorth. story of all different types of your home and your family. You can put any sorts of pictures from the morgue in there that you want.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You can add whatever you want to it. That's the point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Her organs were gone and her bass drum couldn't be found either.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'll just be in my little corner.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And if you look at the scene, I think that's why it's also important to have the full scope of the crime scene pictures is it really was on display. Like this was not hidden behind anything. It wasn't dumped on a lot. Like sometimes people like when they do these sorts of ornate things. When they do an ornate crime scene like this, it's normally where the crime happened. Look at BTK.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
This is the Last Podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Look at the Boston Strangler, whether or not it was Albert DeSalvo. It's normally there. This person brought it out and put it in an empty field. So it really looks like, unfortunately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But it feels like a theatrical piece. Like it legitimately feels like a horrible piece of art the way you see it walking down the way it comes. Like there's a little lump of a slope of a hill and then she's laying right there. So it's like it reminds me of the opening sequence of Blue Velvet. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I've seen some horrible things. Extra, extra. Read all about it. Oh, my God. Oh, God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
This is a story that really gets the hairs, which is a lot. Yeah, I'm standing on the back of my... It's the carpet of your back. Yes, it stands. I'm growing two times the size. I'm turning into a calico cat. But this story, I don't know what the hell it is about at this time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Never read a newspaper again. You don't want to know what happens at 4 a.m. in Los Angeles. I've seen so many horrible things. I saw my mom punch my dad. I saw my dad punch my grandma. I saw myself punch myself because, hey, I'm annoying as fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
See, in L.A., even the fucking morgue guys are hilarious. Everybody's funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Maybe I should have a bit of lunch first. Yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, it's very, actually, I don't know how, but it kind of got scrubbed. I think it's because of the true graphicness of the pictures, and it's hard, because they just won't show up in the Google searches. But meanwhile, like, Jodi Arias' butthole is right there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I guess so, maybe, but Jodi Arias' butthole, I guess because it's... Nice. And it's different, right? I guess in that way, it's different. I mean, there's no pictures of the dude's body, right? No, no, they censor those, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It really was, man. These stories are great. All these fucking old guys, like, this is back when people, like, I don't know, man, these made-up rules. Yeah. Man, I am honestly surprised that they did that much to cover it up. It was very brutal back then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. It's the worst footage I've ever seen of the Holocaust, and it just- Billy Wilder? Billy Wilder. And it just plays in movie theaters as children are watching it. It's terrifying. Have you ever seen the photographs of Ouija?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And I think it's because of all of the David Lynch I have consumed over all the years that since we have gotten to this point, Twin Peaks season three, this whole storyline, I did not realize is essentially Fire Walk With Me. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And they had, like, weird, the tabloids were all, like, murder scenes, too, back then. I also think back in the day, more people, like, I think, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like from the 30s to, like, 20s to the 40s, like, more people on an everyday basis had to, like, kill one of their own pets. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Where, like, people were a little harder edged during this time period.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
A lot more people have killed people in theater of war between World War I and World War II. Yeah. And so a lot more people have seen a lot more violence and it was a lot more normalized, I think, maybe. Absolutely. And then life was just harder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So we just were kind of coddled a little bit in this day and age where we don't necessarily have to go whack a bunch of kittens because they're fucking fucking with the livestock or stuff like you had to do. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But Prue from Great British, Bake Off, Breaking Show, they gave her shit because she had to drown a bunch of kittens. And that's largely just because they do that in the UK for fun. You can't blame that. It's a society. It's a cancel culture. Things change. There's almost something to live for these days.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, sometimes I'm so competitive I'd be standing up. That's what I do. I'd learn how to do it. I could pee out my belly button. I'm mostly man, but I'm woman enough to smack you in the mouth. She once smacked the editor of her paper in the face with a fish. Yeah, she's fun. Aggie Underwood is a fun lady.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Perfect. Yeah. That was my dream. No one wanted to exploit me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You mean to tell me I can't buy a pair of stockings? How am I supposed to keep these tits up for the grocery store?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And it's frightening. There's something very spooky about the mystery around Elizabeth Short. It reminds me a lot of the Elisa Lam story. It also reminds me of JonBenet Ramsey quite a bit. This is one of the most famous murders of all time, correct? Sure, and American.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No shoes. I don't even wipe when I go to the bathroom.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Just so you know, I'll fuck your wife. You don't think I'm a man? Sit on this cigar. Yeah, come on. Yeah, nice. Yeah, now do a little dance for me. All right, now I got a cigar strapped to the front of me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Wrap it up, boys. I X-nayed my gag reflex in the elementary school.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You know, have you ever swung a sawed-off bat?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
If you cut the handle off a bat and you just got the fat part of a bat, that fucker swings, dude. My buddy's dad, you know, who taught us how to fight, he always had one in his backseat of his car. And I remember him showing us. He was like, whoa, man, you could really take someone out with this. He was the same guy who gave me a cue ball the day I got my car.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
He's like, keep it in your trunk in case someone ever tries to run from you. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Why are they running from me? What do I do?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And this is why we kind of, like, I like that you chose this angle to begin the story with, like, kind of talking about where the story even came from, because we're people telling the story, and now we get to fuck it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No, Aggie wasn't fucking, she was going for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Another girl can get cut in half every other week as far as I'm concerned. But this girl's mine. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I killed a bird. Fluorescent lighting is going to ruin this business. I like lantern light. I like the smell of gasoline in here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So I guess I'm not ordering dessert then. I was going to, oh, I had my salad earlier. Do you think before they cut her in half she was called Elizabeth Tall? No! Come on, everybody. Come on. Milton Berle's my cousin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I actually do notice that. They do say that on the thing. Her anus was super dilated. But we're going to get to it. Don't you worry, you anus heads. She was in butt labor for some time. It's horrible. Bad things happen to her butt. Bad things that dudes want to do. All right, well, I take it back. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Canopy said that he didn't... This is disgusting. It's not that he, quote unquote, he filled her stomach with feces, but probably fed her feces. This thesis. Quite possibly. And they're also now kind of, there's one kind of talk that it might have been fertilizer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Was their stomach cut open? No. So there was just poop in the stomach.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So it had to have been fed to her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. That's how that gets in mine. Yeah. They do that thing where you eat reverse poop. You eat like a cultured poop and it does something for your poop. You know what I'm talking about?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm talking about eating human shit. Full on. Uncut. Yeah, I just eat dog shit. That's different. That's because he likes dogs. He's a dog person. I'm a people guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm grossed out by human shit. Dog shit, I could care less. I flip. They always say, oh, a dog's mouth is cleaner than yours. Not with what that dog is doing to me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Why were they haphazard and the other thing wasn't haphazard? It was just... She was tortured.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You could see all of the stuff where the tattoo was cut off to help hide her identity.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It was. It was put inside of her. But I think that it was the added humiliation where it was put inside of her. But I do believe it served a purpose of it being cut off to immediately hide an identifying mark. Possibly. Now the mouth cuts, were they like clean or was it like brutal?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So she was probably alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Release the report, Gascon. You got two weeks left to work. Dude, it's not even there, man. And every single time if you read people say that they have a version of it, it's all hearsay. It's all fake.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But I do find it interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I mean, it was back in the day when you just burned something and it's gone forever. Well, no, they kept records explicitly. They just, they specifically lost these ones. And it probably has to do with why we're planting a little seed here that the police might have had something to do with it. Blasphemy! I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm the first one. I can't even believe I'm saying it. I pray for Brian Thompson's soul every day. I pray he's saved.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
If you aren't ready, you're probably like, no, I know the reason. I know exactly what it is and you don't know anything. That's probably what they would say.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I thought the whole Miranda ruling was that it was about being okay to be subpar on a sitcom. Whoa. That's a Sex and the City roast for no reason of Miranda. I don't know if you know why. I don't know anything about the show. I just know that she's the weak one. She's the one nobody likes. I think she's beautiful, but she's definitely the one no one wants to be Miranda.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I know Peloton killed Mr. Big, bro. I do remember. I think that's a spoiler.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that spaghet is what gives them the scoops that allows them to put their newspaper ahead of everybody else. So they get not only career-wise, but monetary attention and all of it at once.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
As long as, you know, you're paying off the cops, you can get any story you want. Well, as long as then they all go to jail. You know what I mean? They're still doing it. The dude fucking sold Kobe's pictures, you know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Listen, I saw you drive on the median for four miles, but now that I see that you have a badge, you go right on ahead, officer. But not before you kiss me on the mouth. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Do you have a license to fuck?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Hanging out. They're hanging out. That's scandalous. Yeah, that's scandalous. I don't know. Because, yeah, that's a Romeo and Juliet style.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That's where they yell descriptions of a photo through a big bullhorn.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She's caught in half! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! All right, her right index finger looks like a bunch of spirals! Her middle right finger looks like... Spirals. There's shit in her stomach. Is that helpful? Say it again. What was in her stomach?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Some kind of shit. Doo-doo. Dookie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Now, she was arrested, but not the men she was drinking with. They were of age.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But they were drinking with a minor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, I don't even think that was a crime at the time. I think they were like, this minor made a decision that she shouldn't have made. To the clink with you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Just understand that back in the day, I feel like... It's World War II. We're in the middle of... Yeah, we're in World War II here. World War II. I think that the idea of, like, winning Cutie of the Week... Like always leads to their death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
There's something about saying now that's the cutest girl that's ever. Oh, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
If it's already solved, then it's not. This is Marcus's realm of understanding. It was her father.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She was wrapped in plastic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The second best girl ends up. That's Hillary Clinton. Because she learns. Get better early.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, I moved here from Boston. I don't care where my daughter is. You want some alpastor? Yeah, I found this dude. It's this wonderful thing. It's called alpastor. You ever had it? You ever had a taco?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I ran away. Do not call me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, I'll have a Coke. Also, bring me 20 packs of cigarettes. Bring me the Spider-Man. The last of the terrible men. The last of the terrible men. And we know there's been lots of terrible men since him. He must have been really terrible. You ever see the picture of Jimmy Richardson? No. He's awesome. He looks just like, he reminds me of J. Jonah Jameson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
He's very similar. Like, he's got a big cigar. He's like chomping on a cigar. And it's all just been like, that girl looks green to me. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
All right, you guys ready?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I want that bet. Hold on a minute. Get the quote. Oh, it's... Oh, my God, my daughter. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. How do I write crying down, Jimmy? Just write tear, tear, tear, blubber, blubber.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That's what happened to my father at the one time he was gay It's interesting I was reading like got into this deep research on Elizabeth short I find her store I find her interesting and they said there was something that she had which is called the walk and
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
that she would do this walk that people said that she'd been doing since she was like 15 or whatever and they said that it would get to the point where they they would see cars get into accidents as she walked down the street they always kind of talked about her about she was just kind of Which we've said many times. She put the base in the walk. She did, yeah. And there's something about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You were born in Texas. You needed to get out of Texas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Well, you got the walk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's a bit of a stumbling block. But yeah, Elizabeth Short was just like naturally had this. And the other words they always use for her too is natural vamp. Yeah. They say that there was something about her always that men just flipped out over. She was very...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
good with guys she like was like i guess people talk about like that she would sort of like in a gone girl kind of way where like yeah she was a guy's girl yeah she would hang out with the guys and fucking like she was cool in that way but she could kind of hang out with anybody yes and she was very she was just like that she just was a shapeshifter
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, yeah. Someone made a comment about the Chicago gangsters versus the police. We're like, in Chicago, we pay off the cops and the gangsters do the job. In Los Angeles, the police are the gangsters. Yeah, the hat squad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Big deal today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. Yeah, I like her then. What? I think that's cool. It is. It's super cool, yeah. Yeah, but I do, yeah, I get it at the time because she would just, she did have a lot of relationships. Sure. And she did. Kind of used guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And she kind of had a little bit of a thing where she would, like, she liked a soldier. She'd start talking to a soldier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Love military guys. I think a lot of times because they were a little bit more... Sometimes I think military guys, on one hand, they're monsters, and on the other hand, sometimes they're extra polite and extra nice. And I think military guys fell for her very easily.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Very often she would, like, get a meal out of them or a drink or something out of them, and then they'd go to sleep together, and then she'd kind of say, no, I don't want to. And that was a part of what... Of course, at the time, was like one of even the worst sins than actually fucking. Oh, you led men on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The tease at the time was so much worse, which is why they keep pointing toward this idea. She must have done something to deserve this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And you can't win no matter what. Yeah, you're fucked on all three.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
For some reason, though, that those piles of women also seems to bring many legions of predators.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Got addicted to drugs, got in a car crash, got pregnant, got un-pregnant, got re-pregnant, then got dead. And they were to believe they didn't even make their audition in Culver City.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We'll get more detail about her per some of her personal relationships.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No, not at all. No, but she there was a little bit of a shtick to it where, yes, she was a little gothy. There are some people that say that she was way more gothy than she was. And at the time, there was sort of a redo on what they call Victorian funeral fashion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Serious consideration.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
There was kind of a in pop culture that was kind of coming back up like this in terms of like kind of dressing in this gothy way is in a fashion statement. But she also would use like this fabricated sob story quite a bit where she would tell stories of an old fiance that died. We're going to get into all these details. And so partially it fit that character as well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Big deal today. We can't. We're, you know, come on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You gonna come put flowers on me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Also, the Aztec theater is not looking very good recently.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The one in Los Angeles. No, that's the Mayan. Oh, no, there's also the Aztec, which is a big movie theater.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I didn't know about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
What did your life look at by 40-year-olds who used to be 22-year-olds? What did that shit look like? I remember some of y'all back in the day. I remember some errant nipples. Well, she probably didn't have a kid because there'd be some sort of record of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She my call is she was a lot more attached to Matt Gordon than he was to her. The mother had did not want her in her son's life. And I think that she roasted her by saying this after the fact, saying, oh, I sent notices to everybody, never wanted her to be in her son's life. And then I think her son was also like not necessarily her soulmate to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Like he was not she was not his soulmate, but he was hers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Basically, you see, do you really want it? Do you really want to be in a Colgate commercial?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's not a movie. We don't really know, and we don't really know what's going on here. This is where it's like... This is where the mystery for me comes from. This is the unknowable person. This is the Laura Palmer of this story where you're watching this person who everybody got a different read on her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Everybody said that Elizabeth Short was extremely charismatic, fun to be around, like this party, but then also just got... Really, really, really sad. And she'd have this moody thing. And there was just something about her. I can see her. I don't know what it is. I can see her. And I get what she's doing. She's a myth maker for herself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
If she had made it through all this, she could have been an artist. She could have been anything. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Reminds me when they call in Mulholland Drive when they call the guy with the big hat. Yeah. She saw some shit probably. Quite possibly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm going to fix everything. I'm creative on the name choices I give myself. You know, a lot of people call me Brown because of what I do now. But a lot of people call me Red because... It's better because it used to just be man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Some guys call me guy. And some people say, please, sir, leave my child alone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
On account of the hair! It's my hair!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Poor, poor Red Manley. His guy's a fucking moron who signed up for the wrong, the exact wrong thing. It goes on to ruin his life. He had nothing to do with this whole fucking... And it's just... What do you do when you meet Elizabeth Short?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Did you see her? She was smoking. His wife? His wife was... beautiful. The reason why we're doing this stupid voice for him is because he looks like Opie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, he's an asshole. He looks like a moron, but she's just this, like, his wife is hot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
He must have a big schlong. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Maybe. Maybe? He's tall. He's got that fucking egg-shaped head that might mean he has a big, long, weird, foreskin penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You're in a jam and it's no secret. If you're innocent, as you say you are, you tell the whole story. And if you're having anything to hide, people can't help knowing you're telling the truth. That way, you'll get it over with all at once and it won't be kicking around to cause you more trouble.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
What else do I have to say? News movies, and I didn't know, and I'm fucked now. She's hot. What am I supposed to do? Look at me. Look at me for a second. Don't tell my wife. Ah, fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, it's called his wife was healing from giving birth to your child.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That is literally his reason.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But it turns out, yes, I do. I certainly do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You want to make it make it? You want to do it upside down? You want to do it in the booty hole? I've never done it before. I've heard people do it in France.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, yeah, you got an appointment with your oboe fixer? Well, luckily, my name's Red Manly. Yeah, you know how it is. I didn't think I got that nickname. It was my hair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I will say in the last couple days that I've been spending very closely with Elizabeth Short, I would say I would have let her destroy my ever-living life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Well, it's because she was trying to, this is her, this is where the mysteries are, right? This is where all the big mysteries are. So she's hanging out with him. We don't really know why she's hanging out with him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
him yeah like why she found because she just went you she needed a ride yes but even before that it was before that yeah like she was building him up as another i think that elizabeth was in a lot of trouble and was looking for potentially and i mean this in all generosity for somebody else to maybe catch that trouble who was not her or to help her with her trouble and
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
be ready to fucking take her to where she needs I don't think Red Manly would have in any way whatsoever been able to like take the blame for whatever it was I mean two men show up to kill me you protect me maybe and maybe something I get away like literally I need cover maybe
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
This is unbelievable. We can make noises, boys. We can just make noises.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
LAUGHTER
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She would have definitely been the exact type of woman I would have met in 1940s Los Angeles and said, Oh, you want to go to San Diego? Let's go!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, yeah. And then there are, quote unquote, what they call the missing week, as we'll get into.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Honestly, I get scared when I fart. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, even thinking, cut a breast off, you know, cut a breast off. You massage your breasts until you make a child.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Well, as far as his sensational interview with Aggie Underwood went, Red Manley was quoted as saying, I'll swear on a stack of Bibles and I'll tell my minister too that on January 9th, that was the last time I ever saw Betty Short. I did not kill her, but brother, I'll never cheat on my wife again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That's how you stop that. I'd say nip that in the bud. Get them involved in a fucking one of the worst crime scenes in recorded history.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, he was like in an insane asylum, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It ruined his life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Already pretty fragile as it was, it seems. Didn't know I was hanging on by a thread, I was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Good job, fellas. The thing, though, is that, or is it somebody that wants you to think it's a military man?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
hardly a werewolf type yeah he looks like a fucking cholo if you see his face he's got a goofy face he's got sort of a sad sack look and the fact that he looks he does sort of looks like dagwood he looks exactly like dagwood yeah lake was also good friends with newspaper tycoon william randolph hurst patty hurst grandfather welcome back to the show yeah dude
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
They're all like, think about, these are the connections. So this is before Patty Hearst. This is all, it all runs together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Except, look at, I mean, actors, especially back in the day, some of these guys were, there was some cryptic shit going on. Have you ever read Hollywood and Babylon or Hollywood Babylon 2? Any of the Kenneth Anger stuff? I know a lot of it is completely exaggerated, but these guys did some fucked up shit. If you look at, you know, we talked about Errol Flynn. There was a lot of weird shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, where does Elizabeth's murder come from? Is that really the first time somebody ever kills somebody? Do they produce the Black Dahlia? I don't think so, but... No, it's just the way it was done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that's how you always get if you have a problem and you want to get rid of it and you got a way to get to promote them out. That's the best way to do it because it shuts them the fuck up. I mean, she was a deserving candidate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Hello! God damn it, who is it? Why are you calling me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And so the soft voice replied, Well, Mr. Richardson, I must congratulate you on what the examiner has done in the Black Dahlia case. You seem to have run out of material. Maybe I can be of assistance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'll send you some of the things she had with her when she, shall we say, disappeared.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
See how far you can get with them. And now I must say goodbye. You may be trying to trace this call.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Here's the Dahlia's belongings. Letter to follow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Like their name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And then they can keep cutting back to that cautionary tale anytime they like. Because that's what happens when you come to Los Angeles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That was true freedom back in the day that you could just mail a package soaked in gasoline. Just postman whistling. I'm liking this package. You don't like smell the hell out of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Turning in Wednesday, January 29th, 10 a.m. Had my fun at police. Black Dahlia Avenger.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, they're very excited. Yeah. I would be if I was a police officer during this time period.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yay, yay, yay, yay.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You would not give me a square deal. Dahlia killing was justified.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I wonder if the actual Jack the Ripper has any idea what he did. Yeah, what he started. Yeah, like the fact that this is all tied back and it's all been the same thing. They've been doing this shtick ever since because of him.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's very interesting. I'll always like, ah, it's fascinating.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I like it when they yell at the police.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that's important to remember throughout this whole series is how people fucked up as it is. We've seen it with JonBenet Ramsey. We've seen it like people want to be attached to the story because it gives them some meaning. And so we're going to see a lot of that.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Which doesn't really make sense. Nope. Because it's like, what are you mad about? Nope. To be honest, it sounds like it could be.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, exactly. The Blind Dancing Boy. That was a part of all of the biggest hits on the Los Angeles Broadway at the time. Where the whole thing was that people would lie to him where the stage was and everyone would follow him around and see if he tapped at it. And he was the one who, his favorite song, All the World's a Stage. I just wish I could see it. I love that guy.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It could just be like, fuck you, big dick, too. It could be anything. It could be anything at all. BD was not, I don't think big dick energy was a thing at the time.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And this is going to ask the audience the same question that Forrest Gump asks. Yes! Do you know what love is? Because she reminds me of Jenny. She reminds me of Jenny. Yeah, Jenny. Now, if you look upon it with hindsight, Jenny's character is complicated. Oh, absolutely. A nightmare. She ruined him. But at the same time, Jenny's the most beautiful name in the whole world.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And they have to track each one. One down. Because of them, the person probably got away. Oh, yes. And almost you wonder if some of them were written by the people that were surrounding the investigation and all of that.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Call me a lesbian. During her missing week, she was seen several times with a woman, a very Amazonian blonde woman, and another small brown-haired woman with a lot of makeup.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Because I think some guys, in many ways, like... were almost jealous of homosexuality just because that's two dicks. Yeah. And two penises, the most powerful things that could be in a room having sex with each other. And that's like what's hard for people to understand. It's like, that was why they have to wrap, they have to kind of put that aside because it's like, two penises, that's awesome.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That's two men. That's men. Those are men making decisions. Those are businessmen, policemen, officers.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And there's a dick on the other side of that hole that's his own dick. Also, it's just two less dudes trying to fuck my wife. Yes. Meanwhile, lesbians show they don't need dick.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that's not. It's powerful. Yep. Well, that's what they don't like about it.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I think a lot of times they just make angry guitar music.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She did give him something to do in the end of his life. That's the thing. She provided tasks, which is the most important thing for a woman to do for a man.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, they just get mad. Now there are punishments for it.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Obstruction of justice, you can, but at the time they'd just be like, get the fuck out of here. Probably beat him a little bit. Probably. I mean, man, they beat fucking everybody. They beat everybody. I was reading about the LAPD at the time. They would talk and investigate new ways to beat people without them leaving physical marks. What were those things? Billy jacks or whatever?
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Leather with a piece of lead in it. And they also would use rubber hoses. Oh, that's where that... I'll beat you with a rubber hose. Well, now I know.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
DeRiver!
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We made up our job, and people sometimes call us as experts. It's the same thing. I've had people ask me, like, legit professors or police officers ask me questions about crime. And it's like, oh, you fucking don't know. You got bamboozled, son. I have to learn from you.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I love murder. Nah, it's my passion. Criminals are my passion. Sex crimes, my instrument. Every second of it. And God damn it, I can't get enough of it. I like to be up to my my pierced eyebrows and little girl.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And he's standing right there! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm sorry!
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But like all of it, because like there was a little bit of discrepancy, I believe, about Albert Dyer because they said that he might have been too simple to understand. Yeah. And they said that because he was mentally handicapped and they started talking and asking him a bunch of questions and he'd give them a bunch of opposite answers.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And they're not quite certain maybe in the end if he was real. And then the worst part about creating the California Sexual Offender Register was that it then being used as a massive tool for evils.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
There we go.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
There's a couple of them where it's like, I'll do that anyway. Thank you.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
For free? Oh, the government's paying for this? Yeah.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Call me. Dial your number. Go ahead. I told you I was here. You invited me. It is not my custom to go where I am not wanted.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
All of this shit fucking. I don't know why this stuff creeps me out. Yeah, man. Because I think that as we get deeper into Elizabeth's short story and you see more and more of like.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The reason why this really hits the David Lynch vibe more than anything, besides the fact that he told the story about how he got hit up by a police officer when later on in life and David Lynch got he said, he's like, I got something to show you something that you'd really want to see. And David Lynch is all right. And then they got dinner at Musso and Frank's. This is according to David Lynch.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And they're really not super friendly about it. They don't want to talk to you about it because apparently it got nothing to do with the crime anymore. And they're really angry that you keep kind of bringing it up, even though it's one of the most famous pieces of true crime on the face of the planet. You bought the ticket. Take the ride, man.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And he said they had dinner and they talked about stuff. And he was like, at the end, the police officer looked at David Lynch and said, so you're into the Black Dahlia case. And David Lynch is like, it's sort of the cornerstone of a lot of my work. And he's like.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I want you to tell me what you think of this and reached into a case and he pulled out a picture of the body of Elizabeth Short lying in the grass. And David Lynch said that he was in front of him. He said he looked at he says he looked at it for 10 minutes. Had he never seen it before? He'd never seen it before. It was a new picture of the Black Dahlia body. And then he took it away.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And it wasn't until he was at home later on that night that he said, what was the difference? What's wrong with that picture? And he was like, it was that night. The body was not found until the morning.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, that is his. So David Lynch has got this. So this whole thing is so fucking mysterious. And we just started it. Yeah. So it seems to me like this person, whoever did it, probably killed a bunch of other people. Maybe. If they were very romantic about it and taking photos of their work and shit. Maybe. Or otherwise just be trying to get away with it. I don't know. I don't know.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Or it's just one of those where we don't know what patch of grass it was in. I love this. I fucking love this shit.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But that's why we're going to go through as many of the theories as we can.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Unsavory men. And save it, yes. And you can go to patreon.com slash last podcast. And if you could watch us yell about this, you can also go and get our, see us live on our stream. 600 episodes of this shit.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Technically, I do believe with all the numbers all together, it's probably like 645.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. But guess what, man? We make the fucking rules. Yeah. And that's what it's like. And that's the problem when the newspapers go rogue because then they make reality, which is what we just did by changing our numbers. We can do whatever we want. And we go to lastpodcastandlive.com. Go see us live. That's right.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Don't ever be scared after we got shooters running around. This is exactly what we need. Smells like gunpowder in this room. Yes, it does. Smells like my bathroom.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
See, they still are like, but this is my house that I purchased. It's my property. And I'm all like, I'm a true crime podcaster, bro. I have different rules. Yeah. I don't feel any guilt for them. No, I don't feel guilt. Guilt is not what I feel. I'm just telling you what to expect. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Detroit. in april right before 4 20 that's going to be a lot of fun i don't want to get stuck in michigan on 4 20 by the way and um oh dude it's gonna happen we're gonna bring our own stuff too yeah what's like the what's the 4 20 version of devil's night oh everybody goes smokes weed and watch great british baking show until they fall asleep
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And so hail Satan. Do your best to not be black dollied this week.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But also at the same time, be free.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She's got her moments. She really does, yeah. And I would have thrown it all away for her. You really would have. God, she would have fucking destroyed you. Exactly my type.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And this also was at a time period where people believed that that search of happiness and purpose made you an idler, made you a useless member of society, and that you're, even though it's baked into the G.D. Constitution, this idea of a pursuit of happiness, the idea that then, yeah, sure, you're legally and freedom allowed. According to freedom, you're allowed to do it.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
But you should actually be pregnant right now. And so I think all of society, when you look at somebody like Elizabeth Short, I view her very, very empathetically because she just didn't necessarily want to be a mom and a housewife. She wanted to go out and just do whatever the fuck and would do whatever life was going to take you. And unfortunately, it took her. to a vacant lot in Culver City.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It didn't work for her.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So we're not allowed to play the sound cue anymore because they've decided to make joy monetized? Just now, before we get into this episode, I think it's really important for you to shut off all the lights in your home. You got to put on that. If you don't have the Lost Highway soundtrack, you go get that shit.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, my God.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's so good.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yorambo. Yorambo.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And this is the time to set way into allow the mystery to take over. David Lynch. This story is central to David Lynch's entire artistic oeuvre.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Just also remember, I want you also, we've watched the movies. I've went and watched whatever documentary footage I could find. And there is so much bullshit that has been jammed into this story over the years. It is so hard to figure out what is real and what is not real.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Because there was that big bombshell Apple podcast that came out a couple of years ago that I believe that was called... Black Dahlia? Noi. No! Man, I watched the Brian De Palma movie to prep for this, and it has nothing to do with the story. Absolutely.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's another podcast called Root of Evil that tells the entire story from the perspective of the Hodel family, which is also, we don't know if that's real or not. And that takes it entirely that side and say, this is the only way that guy could be the killer of the Black Dahlia. We're going to see this a lot. So be patient with us, dear listener.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We're going to get to your favorite theory at some point. We're going to talk about it. And you just need to know that your favorite theory might not be the number one. But we'll find out, won't we?
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm in my feelings today. I'm in my feelings Henry Zebrowski.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Mommy, I want to go in the field! Play with the flies. Mommy, let me go to the theater. I want to meet the devil, mommy. Mommy, there are flies and that's the coming of the devil.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I told you. I told you, Scotty Jr. You can meet the devil when you commit suicide. I'm going to eat the flies. I told you, we have flies at home.
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Because this story is a story that we've danced around over the years and it's come up back and forth, but for number 600...
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
These are better. These are covered in blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, no, we can't go over there. That's evident.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I want to play with you!
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Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No, Scotty Jr., I told you. We have dead woman wounds and all.