Florida Files: Eaten Alive
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What infamous alligator attack stories are discussed?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Man, I'm so hungry today. I woke up hungry. I think I'm going to go down to the, we have that man-made lake that's close here. And I think I want to consume an 85-year-old woman. Think about it. I want to pull her down into the water. Just hear me out. This might be crazy. It might be an intrusive thought, but I kind of have this inkling I've been wanting to do it, and maybe now that I'm 40, maybe now it's okay for me to really finally live my dreams, which I've always wanted to grab an old woman, buy her cardigan, pull her down into a swamp, roll her around in the mud, right, until she eventually stops kicking, leave her there until she gets soft, and then come back later and feast upon her flesh.
Mmm. That's something I've always wanted to do and I've never gotten to do it. And you know what? I think today might be your day. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. We have the ravenous Henry Zebrowski. My name is Marcus Parks. Henry, how ravenous are you? Bring me your abuela. tell you bring me your abuela don't let her hit the ozempic i don't care what her fucking doctor says i want the tit yeah you want to be able to eat her with a straw i want to be able to hack whole lobes off her with a machete once i'm done letting the swamp water soften her all right give me what i want it's trump's america And today on Last Podcast, after the incredible reaction we got from our Telecom series from... From all of the sadness and violence and horribleness and the fascination behind the killer whales, Ed Larson is back today with Florida Files, Eaten Alive.
He's not dead! He's not dead! Yeah! Save her! She's not dead yet!
All right, no, don't worry, don't worry. I saved some of Grandma. What are these? Oh, my God, it's her eyeballs. That's my favorite part, man. We're going to get into some eyeball sucking today, dudes.
I know that for certain. It will happen, I promise. Okay? But first, we're going to talk about the perfect killer in Florida. The American alligator.
Yeah. Better than the damn Russian and Chinese alligators infiltrating our water.
There are no Russian alligators, but there are Chinese alligators. They are a separate species. Yes. Oh, really? They got smaller heads. Really? Yes. Awesome. Yeah, so it's not just a fake thing. It is real. China does have their own alligators.
Oh, my God. They're so cute. Oh, my God. Look at his little boobs.
They are very cute. Always kind of smiling.
He's cute. That's the friendliest Chinese animal. Oh, and it's only five feet long? I can kick that thing's ass. I can kick its head in. Yeah, that's cute.
No, they're like fun to have around. I like him. But the American alligator is our cutest killing machine. These swamp puppies can be found in almost any body of water in Florida larger than a puddle. The American alligator as a species is 37 million years old, and they have been in Florida for at least 18 of those 37 million years. Congrats for them. What anniversary is that? 37 million? Yeah. I think it's back to stone.
Do they live in the villages? Am I right? No.
Humans, in comparison, have only been on Earth for 300,000 years. Before that, who knows what planet we came from. Thank you, Eddie.
Yes, no problem, Henry. We were put here.
Currently, there are 1.25 million alligators in Florida. String them up! Which means there's about one alligator per 20 people. Damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Florida is the only place in the world where alligators and crocodiles coexist. The only place in the world? Yes.
So how do crocodiles get in the mix?
Well, there's saltwater crocodiles down there, roughly 1,000 of them in Florida. And recently, there have been reports of Nile crocodiles being found in the Everglades as invasive species. Released into there. So it's going to be a future disaster.
And the worst part is asking them where they're at or where they're supposed to be. It's so hard to get through the denial.
Because they really can't help me. Well, the alligators and the crocodiles are united by one common enemy. And that is...
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What infamous alligator attack stories are discussed?
0:01–8:11
2
How do alligator attacks compare to other dangers in Florida?
8:11–18:49
3
What are the common myths about alligators?
18:49–36:28
4
How did the alligator population recover in Florida?
36:28–54:21
5
What are the main safety tips for avoiding alligator encounters?
54:21–1:13:30
6
What tragic incidents involving alligators have occurred recently?
1:13:30–1:22:09
Speakers
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