This week the boys take a look at the dark side of "The Sunshine State" as Ed Larson serves up some of Florida's most infamous cases of alligator attacks and drug-fueled cannibalism in this, the first-ever: Florida Files. For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.
Chapter 1: What infamous alligator attack stories are discussed?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Man, I'm so hungry today. I woke up hungry. I think I'm going to go down to the, we have that man-made lake that's close here. And I think I want to consume an 85-year-old woman. Think about it. I want to pull her down into the water. Just hear me out. This might be crazy.
It might be an intrusive thought, but I kind of have this inkling I've been wanting to do it, and maybe now that I'm 40, maybe now it's okay for me to really finally live my dreams, which I've always wanted to grab an old woman, buy her cardigan, pull her down into a swamp, roll her around in the mud, right, until she eventually stops kicking, leave her there until she gets soft, and then come back later and feast upon her flesh.
Mmm. That's something I've always wanted to do and I've never gotten to do it.
And you know what? I think today might be your day. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. We have the ravenous Henry Zebrowski. My name is Marcus Parks. Henry, how ravenous are you? Bring me your abuela.
tell you bring me your abuela don't let her hit the ozempic i don't care what her fucking doctor says i want the tit yeah you want to be able to eat her with a straw i want to be able to hack whole lobes off her with a machete once i'm done letting the swamp water soften her all right give me what i want it's trump's america
And today on Last Podcast, after the incredible reaction we got from our Telecom series from... From all of the sadness and violence and horribleness and the fascination behind the killer whales, Ed Larson is back today with Florida Files, Eaten Alive.
He's not dead! He's not dead! Yeah! Save her! She's not dead yet!
All right, no, don't worry, don't worry. I saved some of Grandma. What are these? Oh, my God, it's her eyeballs. That's my favorite part, man. We're going to get into some eyeball sucking today, dudes.
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Chapter 2: How do alligator attacks compare to other dangers in Florida?
But let me ask you this question, though. When it comes to alligators and how aggressive they could be, is part of the reason why there aren't as many animal attacks from alligators is because we're very cautious with alligators to begin with?
You would think that people would be, but people in Florida pretty much just live in the water. Yeah.
Because they also, I think on some level, they are so comfortable in their areas. And they do. When we went on a gator trip in New Orleans, they talk about it. Like, you do build a rapport. And in one of the stories you're going to cover today, they did have a rapport with this alligator. That was like a thing that they hang around. People kind of, you get used to it.
Yeah, and I think when you grow up in Florida, you're kind of taught these rules, you know? And that's why a good portion of the people who end up getting killed are tourists or attacked, because they don't know the Florida rules. Snowbirds.
Yes. Oh, these snowbirds. You know, when they're coming, because I went to go. I went to my favorite diner, and normally I sit right there, and Antoinette knows exactly what I get, which is I get my corned beef hash. Extra done, because I love it from the can. It's my favorite from the can. And I go in there, and next thing you know, Henry Thomas, you wouldn't believe.
I had to wait for 20 minutes for my table.
That's ridiculous.
And I... This is all changing.
Did they have any other tables available while you were waiting?
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Chapter 3: What are the common myths about alligators?
And I'm not going to say... Hmm. What's the term? Choose your words carefully. It doesn't delight me. But there is a thing, obviously, it's interesting because it's highly... Oh, she's on the, you see an old lady.
It is the definition of awesome. Not like awesome as in like really cool, but awesome as in like a fucking crazy thing that happened.
Nature in action. Your watch, it is, and it's like a scene from a movie because you see her standing on the bank with the little dog. The little dog, she's looking that way, right? She's looking away from the water. Little dog sitting there and you see the little, and it's like a scene from movies. Little dog is going, howl. And you see this alligator shadow.
It is just like the scene from X. It is just like it, where you just see this slowly but surely, this alligator, roll up on the two of them, and then it's just... Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. And he just fucking got him good, dude. Yeah, man. And that's fucking frightening.
But it's also, it was, but even the 911 caller was like, I don't know what people are doing with their little dogs out here.
She blamed the woman immediately. Yeah, man. No. Well, the neighborhood knew about the 10-foot alligator. In fact, they named it Henry. Yeah.
He was their friend. This is kind of awesome.
He's living my dream. He was a meanie alligator that was always interrupting you and was taking his shirt off for attention. Yay! He was bone naked. But the people in the neighborhood were known to feed him regularly. And due to the HOA, poor Gloria was told not to walk her dog around the neighborhood and that she could only walk him on her property and the backyard.
Which is where the alligator was. Yes.
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Chapter 4: How did the alligator population recover in Florida?
Was excited to build a sandcastle and was retrieving water and sand from the shores of the Seven Seas Lagoon. Another tourist from North Carolina, Shana Giacomini. was staying at the resort. She said that around 8.15 p.m., her eldest daughter saw an alligator five feet from the shore near the marsh. This daughter told the movie coordinator about the alligator.
The person then told a man whose shirt said the word coordinator on it and told him about the alligator lurking by the shore. The two-year-old Lane was excited and splashing in the dark grassy water, bent over to fill his bucket, and then snap! The 8-foot, 250-pound alligator materialized and grabbed Lane by the head with her massive jaws. Jeez. Head first, huh? Yeah. Wow.
Well, she didn't really know. He was so small that they didn't know it was a person. They probably thought it was like a fucking possum or something.
But that's what it does to deer. Have you ever seen a deer that goes head first? When they grab birds, they go head first.
Yeah.
Oof.
His father, Matt, with his back turned for just a moment, hears a splash and then sees the beast trying to descend into deeper water with his boy. Matt leapt into action and jumped on the starving reptile and tried to pry open its jaws with his hands, which proves useless because an alligator has one of the most powerful jaws in the animal kingdom.
It can clamp down with over 3,000 pounds of pressure. Jeez. Witnesses say they saw him on top of the animal, punching it with bloody hands. He then lost his footing in the battle and cut his leg open as the alligator descended with his son into the Seven Seas Lagoon.
Witnesses Peter Kirkos and Kerry Colberry said that they saw Matt Graves punching the alligator, pulling at his son's feet before getting swept off of his and Lane vanishing. Another Disney employee saw the alligator with the boy in its mouth in the middle of the Seven Seas Lagoon before taking him down for a final time.
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Chapter 5: What are the main safety tips for avoiding alligator encounters?
both eddie learned when he was doing because thc's fat solvent looks like he learned that when he was in parole that he tested positive for weed for fucking nine months yeah because it was living in my fat it's in your fat yeah so you chase positive but he said as long as it kept going down they wouldn't send me back to jail i remember i had to fight i remember i had to quit smoking weed for a month to get a fucking janitor's job oh
Oh, yeah, buddy.
They should give you weed with the job.
Yeah, I was working.
I want my janitor stoned.
Yeah, I was working as a temp, as a janitor, and the boss took me aside. He's like, so, hey, listen, you like working here? I was like, yeah, it's great. I just get to listen to music and just walk around. He's like, so if you want a full-time job here, you can have it, but let me ask you something. I need you to be real honest with me. can you pass a drug test?
And if you can't, when can you pass a drug test? And I was like, 30 days. And he said, good enough for me. We'll put in the paperwork in three weeks. You see, because that's the thing.
Being a janitor... I don't want you drunk, because that's when you start fucking sucking people. Stoned, you're not going to be fucking and sucking, right? Like a drunk janitor, he's plotting, and he's thinking, and he's smoking, and he's drinking, and he's thinking, and he's thinking about how like, yeah, I could see that child being an adult in my mind.
I'd take that child on a time trip in my mind.
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Chapter 6: What tragic incidents involving alligators have occurred recently?
Now, the gas station drug business is founded on skirting drug legislation, staying one step ahead of the man. And you bet they had another formula in the hopper, which surfaced in the EU as early as 2011, called Alpha PVP, street name Flocka, or gravel.
Oh, yeah. I remember Flocka. I remember Flocka very well. Flocka.
Flocka would soon gain infamy specifically in South Florida, the epicenter being the suburbs of Dade and Broward counties, starting in early 2013, peaking in 2015, until it was finally classified as Schedule 1 all the way in 2017. Compared to Monkey Dust, Flocka hits differently.
The high is aggressive, manic, with hyper-stimulation, vivid hallucinations, severe shifts in mood, and rage severe enough to trigger self-harm or violence, earning itself the nickname the zombie drug. It caused one Fort Lauderdale man to try and break down the front door of a police station, and when that failed, he climbed their spike fence and impaled himself on it.
That case was closed pretty quickly. Another flock ahead into Anaheim out by us, stripped naked, and started charging at cars like a bull. This stuff doesn't just make zombies, it makes fast zombies. World War Z, train to Busan. 28 days later. Zombies, yes. Now watch this shit. Watch the Anaheim guy. I got a video of it. I just want you all to see it.
That guy was just charging at me.
He went fast, dude. That was fast. Completely naked.
Melissa D'Addrio got into her car at her Anaheim apartment last night at 11.30 Saturday night. She never saw this coming.
And then all of a sudden, on the rearview mirror of my vehicle, I see this naked guy just running towards my neighbor's car, which was parked right next to me.
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