Ed Larson
Appearances
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Three years from now, we're going to be taking air taxis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Well, so many times, I will say that there was a couple times where I was like, you know, I'd get drunk, and you're like, oh, yeah, that's right, drones. And I'd go outside, and I'd start staring at the sky, and I got my star finder out, you know? And I'm like, is that a drone? No, it's a star. Ursa Major, you know, like, sitting there. And then, like, I'm like, oh, that one's two stars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
That's got to be a drone. I was like, oh, no, I'm drunk. I forgot. That's not two stars. I just can't see right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, it's never when Julie's home that I'm looking for drones. It's always like when she's gone too long. Yeah, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
The one thing I will say. I'm going to get sick again this weekend in Atlanta. Be good. I hope you do. We are coming, Atlanta. Last podcast on the left. Coca-Cola Roxy on Saturday night, 7 p.m. Come get stinky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
The drones, I mean, like, all right, so what about, like, the big drones, like Obama's drones, the flying murder robots? His children? His babies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, those drones exist. You know, those things could fly across...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And she's never going to explain it? No. And we're just going to talk about it every once in a while? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
That's a hard thing to see in the middle of the night in a road.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I actually don't know. If I get a voicemail that says it came from this phone number.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, family annihilators don't go to Disney, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
No, there's, it's, yeah, no, what do you do? Do you just take a black cloth and throw a bunch of white out at it and hope that it works?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh, my God. The first thing that comes up is FBI.gov. Oh, Jesus. Amazon. All right. Yeah. Type it in. Type it in Amazon. Can't we get one? Bezos. If anyone's sending me one, it's, oh, fuck ISIS.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
you can buy yeah no you can't buy that you can buy an iraqi no wow you have to make it man did i ever tell you about um so when i did uso on christmas and it was uh it was christmas eve and we're on the base in baghdad doing the show and then there's these two iraqi like super soldiers there watching the show and they were like big and tough and crazy they look totally different because they're iraqi super soldiers and they're just standing like with their arms crossed underneath the fucking hoop and shit
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And I'm sitting there by the chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff. And then after the show, these two guys from the Iraqi military go up to the chairman of Joint Chief of Staff and he reaches it in his pants pocket and he pulls out a crumbled up
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
flag and he hands it to the general and it's an and it's an ice he opens it up and it's an isis flag that he captured yesterday and like that he killed people for and the general said thank you and then general dumford batted motherfucker and then he and then he crumbled it up the general crumbled it up and put it in his pocket and it was like the craziest exchange there was no one no press no one took pictures it was just something i just kind of saw it i was like
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I'm sure they got, you know, I got a bunch of biggest baby shirts at the house. I don't know what to do with it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
We got a bunch of old birds we can't get rid of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Fucking ISIS, man. The sequel to Al-Qaeda. Those fucking pussies. Still around. Still around. What do you think? Is the Taliban, Al-Qaeda, and ISIS, are they connected?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
It's always been good over there, and I don't know why just recently it's getting stirred up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, because there's going to be a lot of divorces this year. I got a feeling.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Did you know that you were going to be a moral barometer for the rest of your life? Yes, he did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Because it looks, I mean, it's clear as day. Trump Tower, it's fucking Cybertruck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It might have even been like someone that he was cheating on his wife with or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
This is reaching across the aisle. I'm going the other way, man. I'm sorry. I'm never getting in one. I've like, if someone pulls up to pick me up in a, in a cyber truck, I'm just gonna be like, you know what? I'm fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
This is the goal. Well, he also, his statement was about, like, the military, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Gobbledygook? I mean, like, it's fucking, it's an epidemic. Well, it's soldiers fucking. What is it like?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
They're out there in VA parking lots killing themselves, trying to make a fucking point just so people talk about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And fucking everyone's just, you know, these people are fucked up. And no one's willing to help them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Well, there was one fun Christmas story I think I would like to bring up on this show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh, no, it's a delight. It's surprisingly fun for the content involved, to be honest with you. Shout out, Lil Dobbs. Lil Hobbs is dead. Lil Hobbs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And he's still posting, too. I moved on. They're still posting old videos of Wally Gator. No, it's like, let go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh yeah, they still never found Wally, did they? No, Wally's dead. There's no way Wally, Wally's too friendly to make it in a Georgia swamp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Well, there's four family annihilators. We didn't even really talk about it. We just, it happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, they really do. Were any of them done by ladies this time?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you know. There's a lot of them. They love it. So anyway, friendlier topic. Thomas Campbell Bowling Von Gates. I love this. This guy is coming from the New York Post. Ensured he was placed on the naughty list and in a jail cell this holiday season after he disrupt two separate Catholic masses within a few hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He just walked in yelling, and then he dropped an onion in the aisle as he walked up to the altar. He literally had an onion and treated it like a grenade. Like he's fucking farmer's market Rambo. It's not the only onion I got. I'll go to the back of the store. And then finally someone's like, all right, get him out of here. And they followed him outside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And then when they followed him outside, he started pelting the man with tangerines. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Or he continues. Seven hours later, he goes to a midnight mass to St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church in Leonardtown. Did you guys miss my catering from last Christmas service I was at? He dumped a bunch of whiskey in the holy water. Here goes a cocktail, seasonal cocktail. And then he threatened parishioners. While he was walking up and down the aisles. You better me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Did you fucking better me in that truck? And then the parishioners tackled him at the midnight mass. And then he tried to hit several of them with the bottle of liquor. And then they held him on the ground until the sheriff deputies came. And then they took him to St. Mary's Hospital for medical evaluation. Yeah, I'm going to need a look-see. And then his mugshot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He is like straight out of like the cast of Philadelphia. Dude, he really does look sick. He's so happy. He's just like, I did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He probably lost a bet to his other drunk gay friend. And they're like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah. And then he went and he did it and he's like, how'd it go? And he's like, this is what happened. Crushed it. All right. I got notes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I just imagine this is what he eats every meal. Yes. My onions and tangerines.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I remember my mom used to always try to get me to go to Christmas mass and I'd be like, I'll go if you let me boo. And so, like, I'm sure this guy has the same fucking idea. I mean, like, you're alone on Christmas. You hate everything in the world. Oh, he wanted to go. He wanted to do this. You know, the world hates you and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
honestly salute you next year yeah he was charged with second degree assault for throwing tangerines at a man oh he was also trying to hit people with a bottle yeah disorderly conduct defacing religious property religious crime against a group obstructing a religious exercise threat of mass violence and disturbing the peace i didn't know obstructing a religious exercise was a crime
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Little Hobbs' owners, masters, they did a good service.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Because they were stupid. Yeah. That is the song that we have to write for next Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah. Leave Bigfoot alone on Christmas. If there's one day. Also, you can tell neither of these guys are married.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
There's no woman to be like, you're not going outside on Christmas Eve. You don't know what I'm doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He has been on the list for decades. 10 years more than anyone else on the death list.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He did. Yeah, because he got really sick. He got really sick, and he's been going too hard, and I can see him now just settling down and winding down his life. I can see that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I think Tyson can go this year, yeah. Eddie Redmayne. He looks very healthy. Eddie Redmayne's going to live to at least 2035.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, the Vera Drake drinking game. Every time she says, drop your knickers, you have to drink. Yeah. We did that in college. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we found out one of the people we were playing with recently had an abortion. She loved it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Just go, oh my God, don't you leave. Stay away. Stay away from me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I wonder if, like, the vet, like, takes pride that they put down a famous dog. Oh, they should have the list.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, or like it'd get really hot in the house. Yeah, that's right. I forgot about that. And you open the back door and it just led to nowhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
That shit's crazy. And then I was back visiting Tallahassee and then I was driving past the house and it had burned down again. Weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
E.T. 's brown as hell. He's fake. Yeah, but he's cool. You're right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Now, that's so fucked up, though. He didn't say what the alien said. That's the most important part of the story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Thursday... That's right. This Thursday, Hoopa Goo Goo, the HGX2, coming to the LPN Twitch channel at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern. We got Jared Logan judging this week. Love him. It's going to be amazing. I'm very excited for the show. I love Hoopa Goo Goo, our first one of 2025, the year that it all takes place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Dallas, Nashville, Detroit, Toronto, and more to come. Yeah, baby. We got some side story shows that are going to be announced soon. Oh, yeah. I'm excited. We got a bunch of stuff coming down the pipe. Y'all fucking love it. I'm sorry about Christmas that I got sick twice. We are going to make it up next year. Yeah, we are going to. Or, you know, we'll find another. We'll replace that date.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'll replace that date sooner than Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. We had to cancel that. That was a big... The LPN Funhouse gave us COVID. Yes. And that's what happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Man, I think it's targeted at me. And I started like, it's just some old lady that puts a hat on their pit bull, and she drives it around, and she's like... Hey, Norbert, want some ice cream? Want some ice cream, Norbert? And Norbert's just sitting there, like, not even paying attention or knowing what's happening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh, absolutely. And that is the worst. And Sunday the Black Lab, she's retired now. They said that she's not dead. But she's hot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, no, it is interesting how pathetic you can get when you're very sick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
The dog is a bitch. And there's the calendars I bought when we have one up in my house. It's not too late to get your Miss Sunday calendars. Go out there to Miss Sunday the Black Lab. But she dresses sometimes. She dresses like a bus driver. I can't believe this. And then other times she dresses like she works at the DMV. That's very cute. I love Miss Sunday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Well, you can't keep those above ground. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Why? Oh, because you're going to be just like them. No. You're keeping it a secret. No. You're not telling anyone about nothing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He's available. He's old as hell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
What they're called now? Yes, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's all you get. Get over it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You want to look like a hummel, you can fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
A lot of times it's not about direct attacks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I find out exactly where he lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It's pornographic Nazi exploitation books.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yes, hate all of it. They're so annoying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Nope. We are ready to celebrate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We're going to do a show there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Today is Saturday, March 1st, 2025. This is my first of probably many recordings on a series that I'm starting. I am a legal advocate. I am a researcher. I've been in the legal field since 2011. And in this capacity, I feel that it's necessary if I'm going to continue to operate appropriately as a legal advocate that I start to advocate for myself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And also advocate for my daughter. For those of you who don't know, my name is Casey Anthony. My daughter is Kaylee Anthony. My parents are George and Cindy Anthony. This is not about them. This is not in response to anything that they have said or done. That's not to say that I'm not going to respond at some point to some of the things that they have said and done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
The whole point of this is for me to begin to reintroduce myself. I'm doing this both personally for me, but in a professional capacity. Moving forward, the majority of what you will see will be me speaking in a professional capacity. My goal is to continue to help give a voice to people, to give people tools and resources that they can utilize so they actually know where they can turn to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Business slash morality issues with a bikini barista coffee institution in Arizona, our most pure state, one of the best states in the union, is going to have a problem with 16 to 18-year-olds in bikinis in what I would only describe as easy rape huts?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Unless he's wearing very thin leggings.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Five stars. Four stars. Look at this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
He even tried to say, I don't like it. He came in four stars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Is this what the manager told them? This is when the girls are alone and walking to their cars? Girls, run. Run. He gave it a three stars because he couldn't touch them. Good God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
My eyes are up here. They don't have one. They don't have one there, I don't think. Hey, buddy, yeah. Oh, yeah, you think they're bringing out Bridget when it's 20 degrees out? No, they got me, Barnaby. All right, I got the tits to fill out the suit. You got a fucking problem with it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Very good, Eddie. Got him. Taking him down a peg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, you can't block the number. You don't have to watch it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You can't handle a fart. Yeah. This is a fucking bathroom, dog. This is a civil war going on. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
No, I'm not. Last week you said you cut the line.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I can't wait, dude. You have to. I fucking can't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Here's your fucking permission. That's my problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Coom it for your health.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They're hungry. They were fucking knocking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You are one. Yes. Your husband is just some funny guy at an office somewhere. Now you're yelling. I am one, though. I am a comedian. And how hard is that to be screaming? Yes. Go! Recognize me! Do you know? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Because they're old. And they don't want somebody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I bet those exist as well. David Lynch knee-high socks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Are you going to be one of those people that when your dogs die, you're not going to get any new dogs? No, opposite.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Oh, well, fuck you again. Yeah, seriously.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You're going to be on the list. We'll put you on the list, and we'll take care of you. We'll hang out because we like NASA.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Are we talking about Norbert or Augustine right now?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
How is this, like, whatever the first video is, usually?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes. We do. Once we hit the end of the show, people are like, oh, they're done. They turn it off. They never hear the plugs. And then they're like, when are you coming to Dallas? You're like, I was just there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The Hells Angels have been in the news lately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But this guy... Figured they'd be very inactive in the winter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
There is a man sitting there waving a car, holding a button to detonate himself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They're unhinged, man. Remember the Mr. Softee guys in New York? Oh, yeah, dude. They were fucking nuts, dude. I remember they loved the cheesesteaks. When I worked at 99 Miles to Philly, the cheesesteak restaurant, they would always call, and then they'd put in an order for a cheesesteak, and they'd be like, delivery! And I'd be like, all right, where are you at? What's your address?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They're like, Mr. Softee! I was like, okay. He said, I'm in the Mr. Softee truck! All right, well, where is it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, I was thinking about that. Because they are just two morons. Obviously, please stop anyone who's planning a mass shooting. Thank you for your work, officer. But at what point does it go from a possible creative exercise to...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Now, I want to circle back to this because thinking about it, it's just like planning. What if that's just like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Can I do something? This is something I've always wanted to do, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I worked with the NYPD for a little bit because we wanted to work on a roast with them. And so I took a couple meetings with them, and I got involved with the first precinct. And I remember they showed us the room where they have the morning meeting, like, go find this guy, go find that guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
These are the corners that are trouble. And then I looked on the side because they have the mug shots. They have a thing of mug shots that you can flip through. And then I saw another pad that just had photos of... of suspicious packages that they found on the subway. And one of them was just like dynamite and a clock found in a Macy's bag. Yeah, we just need a hat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And then I was just like, whoa, what's this? I'm like, yeah, we found that on the subway. And I was like, how often does this happen? They're like, more than you'd like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
A North Texas resident is an on edge after their ring doorbell captures a devil at the door. Oh, this fucking guy. Yes. So apparently a guy in a hoodie and a red goat mask showed up to someone's front door with a sign that just says revelation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
20, colon, 1 through 15. Yeah, I want to look it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, the homeowner said my husband and I had gone out to dinner and we'd stopped off at a store to pick up a Powerball ticket and I was waiting in the car. The devil lies in its gambling heart. I mean, honestly, I agree in that way. But they got a ring notification, and she looked at her phone, and there was a dude in a fucking hoodie with this goat devil mask holding the Revelations on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, and I want to just say, for the record, if I ever go after anyone, I don't like going after people, but what if I ever do? He does. Let me do it. You know, like, I don't need you to do it, too. People are very nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, on our Instagram, not on her Instagram. It does nothing for us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I want to start like this, something I've always wanted to do. We have live shows to plug. We do. We do. We have live shows. You always just move past and the audience appreciates it. But me, I want to plug the fucking shows.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Would you mind playing? Can we hold for a second while we get this clip coming?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, yeah, I mean, it was very upsetting. They're all musicians down there when they have to deal with their pain in some way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I don't know. It just seems like. Why can't helicopter pilots be emotional?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, well, they love to celebrate. You know, their funerals are great. Maybe your buddy could have a New Orleans funeral.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, speaking of chaos, a large bald man struck a slimmer man on the head with a dinner plate. That's right. The big news broken here. Never close in the Amazon side stories. A Florida attorney allegedly attacks father of girl who cut in front of him at a buffet at a meat station.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I have never seen a face... The tops of his ears are the only thing you can see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, no, he's very large. And you can also, another way to tell that a man is fat in a news article is when the other man is constantly called slim.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Oh, you're talking about the whale. Yeah. You know what my problem with the whale is? Not one fart. And the whole fucking movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He's not going to fart a lot. There's not going to be one fucking fart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Oh, it's an island. So you can get on either side of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The daughters cut in front and he yelled at the daughters and then he pointed his violence to their father because he was aware enough that he could not beat the daughters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes. No, if he felt the need, he physically could have made that bad choice and hit them. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
cut now I have to say this isn't a sizzler this isn't a golden corral this is a wedding so it kind of changes everything you're acting like a lunatic at a wedding and then like people are having fun so they're more jokey they might cut more likely to cut have some fun especially young ladies having a good time who knows one of them might have caught the bouquet they're feeling lucky You know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And you see this man? You want to get in between him and prime rib?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But, yeah, during the reception, the defendant was allegedly in line in the prime rib carving station when two young girls cut in front of him, the Palm Beach Sheriff County. And the rower got angry about being cut in front of the buffet and confronted the father and one of the girls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
A worker said in a sworn statement that they saw the whole interaction from the start and corroborate the victim's account about why Mark became upset at being cut in line. He was cut in line. The witness then stated that the victim had turned away from Mark in an attempt to ignore him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The witness confirmed that the plate shattered and Mark pushed the victim and was holding him by the collar. The witness then stated that the surrounding people separated the two individuals, but then Mark attempted to walk back over to the victim.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, they heard multiple plates shatter, but only one was used to hit the victim in the head. And I want to say, as a Florida man, This man, this is a wedding.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
When I was a kid, they found a van full of teenagers in the canal of Boca Rio Road.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They all thought that they ran away and joined a cult, but they didn't get far from home and just drove into the canal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I know that he was violent, and he is obviously the problem here, but I'm not blaming the victims, but don't cut...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes, we have to. We have to go. We have to go. We're interviewing Kane Pixels for our Patreon, so go subscribe. Go on Patreon. And listen to that there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Dallas, December 22nd. Last podcast on the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
There's a rainbow on that Norbert story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Tennessee. It's going to be a big show. Coming in. It's going to be huge. It's the former Grand Ole Opry. We're in it. We're doing our show. Former. It was a Confederate church.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, Norbert, obviously, they don't talk about why his tongue's sliding out. It's because he's got no teeth. He had rotten teeth and they had to get his teeth removed. Yes, that happens to a lot of small dogs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, but he passed away on January 26th on a Sunday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We get to go into a Confederate church and yell Hail Satan back and forth. You, the people at home listening to this, Henry Marcus and I, we're going to yell Hail Satan at each other in a former Confederate church. Please come join us there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I love my dogs. 9 p.m. Died in the owner's arms. How sweet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You know who you should look up is the alive Norbert, Norbert Barca. On Insta, still alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Still going to the park and having play dates with his friends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Should we play the funeral dirge for them?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I love the cheese. Oh, the cheese stack lives forever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I'm not going to hell. I won't die. Oh, you're so cute, kitty. I won't die. I need to have sex with another sex worker. Yes. I won't die. I will buy love. Yeah, but here's an update on Norbert's... Casket? No, not a casket. He doesn't have one. He says, they say in the post, in celebration of Norbert's life, we will share Norbert's photos and videos on his social media and websites.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I want to see you goddamn UFOs, you UAPs, you and to me. What? Oh, fuck NASA.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
In some way, we hope to carry on with his good work. When you think of him, we would want you to just smile in the spirit of Norbert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They just wanted to make sure that she was actually dead, I imagine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, oh yeah. You're hysterical. They slap you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not allowed anymore, but it probably worked on a couple occasions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, man. I hope they didn't miss their connection.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They didn't give them anything after this. Nothing. No. When are you going to go back to fucking Qatar? What are they, in Hamas?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah. No, for sure. For sure. You got to stop somewhere. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Did you get a chance to masturbate to the Jackie trying to scoop up JFK's brains? Yeah, I go, oh, fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
By the way, I went to the Grassy Knoll for the first time. Oh, congrats. Did they remove the X?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Have you all ever hung out there and walked around, though?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You're like, that doesn't even make sense. What do you mean? Your hotel key's a flashlight. So I was behind the fence on the grassy knoll, and I'm looking at the X. It's a perfect shot. Well, that's what they're saying. It's the perfect shot. It really is. So when you go and stand there, it's even like a good prop. It's perfect.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, very much. Oh, yeah. They try and take you around and show you shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Someone get Elon on the phone. Talking about blowjobs in the street to stealing millions and you being the person who did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It happened yesterday. We keep meeting under these crazy circumstances.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It's like you got gold chains and a gun, but you're wearing a $10 hat. It's fucking aggravating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
He wasn't like Mr. I mean, sad and angry isn't bipolar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
How many was it? Actually, that's a really good question. It's probably like 10 scientists. I'm guessing. This is me just guessing out of the top of my head. I'm guessing 10 scientists and their families.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, this one kind of pisses me off, and I don't know where I stand on it. I've actually gone back and forth in my head twice already, so maybe you guys can help me out. 35-year-old man terrorized the community of Surside, Florida with a Chucky doll.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Now, what I like is... He was standing outside of a market, and then he was, like, waving the Chucky doll at people, and then eventually he got arrested for disturbing the peace.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yes. But I want you guys to see the news report when we get a chance here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, he's literally running around outside this market holding a Chucky doll. I'm going to get you, motherfucker. I'm going to get you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, but, like, why does this man get arrested? And it's because he has a record, I think. He has a very long record, multiple DUIs. He has a couple of salt and batteries.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
What if it wasn't a Chucky doll? What if it was like a giraffe doll? Should it be allowed to do that? The giraffe's going to scare you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Man, I miss my Teddy Ruxpin, but I was angry. Whenever I tried to hug him, I'd give myself a concussion because it's a robot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
He's just telling me stories. Everyone else who tells me a story lets me hug him. Why can't I hug this guy? Look at him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I love you, Teddy. There's another story. We got one more of these stories. I figured you'd have some fun with this one, Dan. So... Gardai, or Gardai, I don't know. I don't speak Irish. No, you don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It is, yeah, it's... They're continuing to keep an open mind on the discovery of a severed hand at a school in North Dublin on Friday. It is understood that a human hand may have been dropped into a schoolyard at Our Lady of Immaculate School in Darndale by a bird from its beak on Friday morning. This sounds like an Irish folktale.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, a prominent theory in the investigation is that the hand may belong to a local male child who suffered a horrific burn injuries in a gas container explosion at a bonfire on Thursday night.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They could not definitely confirm at this stage that the hand was discovered at the school belonged to the boy. Check his wrist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It looks like dumb Shaquille O'Neal dropped his hand here. Maybe the bird was just trying to bring the hand back to where he thought it belonged.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
all their fault but still i want the bratwurst i want bratwurst so bad i don't care who has to die for me to get it also i don't you know i just don't care i've recently julie showed me pictures of when she went to germany recently when way before we were together and she was like dressed in a bunch of like german lady clothes you know like the white shirt with the you know the chest heaving a little bit you want to have sex with a hummel figurine
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But how do they not know if it's the same child?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I mean, it blew off from a gas canister explosion, so I imagine it ain't pretty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, they're all just so very cool. Well, school was not in session, so no children saw the hand, so that's nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Remember all the places that would sell chickens all over New York?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
She looks very good when we dress her like her people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I always wondered if those were more expensive than a rotisserie chicken at the store. You never bought one? No, I never bought a live chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah. Bang. I just got hungrier. Did you cook it, or did we, like, use it for a sketch or something? We used it for a sketch. Oh, okay. This is where Murderfest was getting all its props back in the day. We had a pig head one time that we did a photo shoot with. I remember that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You were hardcore Fucking art no the audience doesn't know that fucking real didn't look real I remember it being really thin and be like oh that doesn't look
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I love that guy. The liverwurst sandwiches. Those things would slow us down. He made his own liverwurst. Do you eat liverwurst? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I mean, French's is a shitty mustard. There's nothing stupid about it. The yellow mustard? Let's not get into any of that. I mean, the deli mustard, if you're going to have mustard, you eat deli mustard. You like shitty... Yes. He's allowed. He's allowed. You're allowed to do whatever you want. I'm just curious why somebody would.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I mean, you would look good as a little boy dressed as a little German boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I mean, just get a bite, you know, and then you throw the rest in the trash like a real American. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
So there was this part, I want to hear about this. This kind of relates to what we're talking about. There was a wild game dinner in rural Pennsylvania this week where they ate crow. Okay. They had bear stew, raccoon adui sausage, stingray casserole. You ever had skate? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, it's just fucking- No, it's like- It's a difficult- There's not much going on there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You have to pull all the meat out of all the bones. This shit sucks. Yeah, they have rabbit kielbasa, snapping turtle salami, smoked eel, beaver shepherd's pie. Ugh. Ugh. Goose and sauerkraut?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It's rat meat. It's rat murder. Oh, man. But they say the things they have the biggest trouble cooking is predators like fox and coyote. They said they have a coyote smoked ham and then half the people loved it. Half the people hated it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They're dog adjacent for sure, but they live a different life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, yeah. I just get in there and, like, squeeze as hard as I can with the handshake and just be like, hopefully that's good enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'll be a little Jewish, you know, like running from, you know, hiding in the woods.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
My first ones of a toilet. Whoa, he's a murderer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, I'm thinking more Daniel Craig from Defiance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Gatorade looks like piss and I drink it anyway, is what he said.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I got one here. Is this him explaining how it's okay for him to call Priscilla even though she's only 16 years old?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
And here's one of Elvis giving her father a Cadillac.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Please listen to the Soder podcast and check him out. He's on tour this weekend in San Diego on the 28th at the Balboa Theater. Which is a great theater. Great place to see his show. And then you're going to be in San Francisco on the second or the first? Yeah, second. On the second, San Francisco, the Palace Fine Arts Center. And then, of course, Grand Rabbits, Michigan, Gilda Fest on March 8th.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Go check out Dan Live, one of the best comedians on earth. Your HBO special is literally the only special I've watched twice. Oh, thanks, dude. So good. I fucking love it, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
He's the best. Nothing makes me happier than old New York buddies, man. I love them. They really, it just warms my heart. Yeah, it's good to see him still around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
He was amazing. I had such a good time talking to Misha. He was so fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, and next week we got Hoopagoo Games coming back on March 6th with MJ Neffel, the wonderful Rob Hayes and Olivia Grace. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
H-U next Tuesday. We're going to Huntsville, baby. Come out to Huntsville. Yeah, March 16th. We're going to be fucking chilling there. Side Story's going big, baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
We are coming from hot chicken to schnitzel, seeing what's better. I'm very excited because we're going to be in Nashville with Last Podcast at the Ryman two days before that on March 14th. I'm done with hot chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, you get mild. Yeah, what are you talking about? Don't get the ridiculous one. It's delicious. I think it's your fault. I like barbecue. No, the last time I went extreme with it, it was very bad for me. You can't do that, man. It's bad for you. Also, right after Huntsville, I'm going down Florida, baby. I'm starting my invasive species tour on March 20th.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'm going to be in Jacksonville the 21st and 22nd. I'm going to be in Panama City and I just found out It's going to be spring break. Ooh, yeah. If you want to watch your boy get destroyed by a bunch of drunk, horny 18-year-olds.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They're going to rip me to shreds if they do come. And then the night after that, on March 23rd, I'm going to be in Tallahassee, Florida with Danny Bedrosian back at our old stopping ground. What used to be Brothers. So fun. It's now the 926 Bar and Grill. I'll be playing there. All those tickets are available on eddytoons.com. Also, we're going to be doing, in May, I'm going back to Florida.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'm doing some shows in Naples and Key West by myself. But in between that, Henry and I got a couple side stories live.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I've done that place a little. Dania Beach Improv is a great comedy club. I really love that place. I've done it a million times with Jeff. And I can't wait to come back home and see my people. And I'm going to be there. I got the public's jokes in hands. You guys are fucking ready for it. Yeah, can't wait. And then also, Atlanta, we added a second show at Dad's Garage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
So make sure you check that out. We sold out the first show, and we haven't actually announced this yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
The tickets are on sale. Make sure you go check it out. They are available at lastpodcastandleft.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yes. No, they're going to be a different show. So if you want to come to both, they will be different. Yes. Which means that Henry and I are going to riff both of them. Yep. And it's going to be, you know, but you're going to help us. They're going to have a structure. You're going to see. There'll be a structure. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Why are you doing it with me and Rob? You should be doing it with your wife. Well, I come here, I cook the ideas around, and I present them to Julie later once they're fully cooked. See, this is good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I bought her a German hat once, like one of the ones that kind of looked like Peter Pan a little bit. She wasn't happy about it. She didn't like it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You weren't a lost boy? Now she's a found woman. Yep, she is. And he found her. And I'm really glad we explored that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, they have the local Mill Arts Center. Yeah, lots of artists and studios. They have a handful of galleries to check out. They have a record store and a dude who makes cigar box guitars. Huntsville Space and Rocket Center. We know they won't let us in there. We've already asked and they said no. Yeah, they won't. NASA said Henry can't come. I can't go anywhere. I can't come.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
And they're right, because you can't, right? When was the last time you actually... Oh, I come. Yeah. I come, my friend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, it was what NASA told us, no. It was D.C. NASA, so maybe Alabama NASA has smaller scruples. Technically, the California NASA said that they might. But our connect there got a new job. And so, yeah, so our LA NASA connect got a new job. So we can't take us no more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, it's how Carrie Fisher died. She had a heart attack on the airplane.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah. No one did anything. Well, I think they punched her in the chest a bunch of times. They tried to save her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But sometimes it happens, and honestly, these people are all traumatized, but I actually think it's kind of fun. It's amazing she couldn't force the plane to land. Right? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But you can't do that in the air. You've got to put it on airplane mode. You do. You're right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Was she doing the dead body thing and shitting and puking and pissing and stuff? The dead body thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, I mean, when someone dies, you just shit yourself, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Maybe that's what was keeping her alive. Oh, sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I think, yeah, the first hour would be kind of tough, but once you get used to it. It's just a dead person. Yeah. They're just sitting there. It'd be different if the dead person haunts you forever. The baby, you get relief as soon as you're not by it anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, the thing is... I didn't go to war. No. Well, yeah, those were normal dead bodies. They weren't, like, hacked up or anything like that. I think this woman... I don't know why they put her in that seat. Why not just put her in a bathroom?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I don't know, though, because... I mean, definitely, if there's more than one bathroom, you jam her in the bathroom, you shut the door so no one has to see it. That's exactly what you do. No. Yeah. No. Yes. Or you find a way to put her down with the luggage so she stays cold.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's the best, right? Yeah, and he's got fucking Lay's potato chips in your bag and granola bars and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No, but that's like the Stooges joining the Beatles. Yes. We didn't know. It's not going to happen. It's the Yankees. The Yankees of- Dallas Cowboys. They are of comedy. Of comedy. Everyone, that's why everyone hates it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, because Chris Farley died and John Belushi died and they were scared you were going to fucking drink and do cocaine to death. I also think that, to be honest, the vibe of the show changed. Completely. And what they wanted... It stopped, like, it started, like, that's when Saturday Night Live went from... being silly to only saying things that are politically correct.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which they don't even let the cast members do anymore, which makes me insane. Why would they? Every time there's a new fucking impression to do, they bring in some A-list actor instead of using the cast. That they fucking hired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You would have wore it as a badge of honor if someone called you that back then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I just can't believe Lindsay Shookus came after you like that, man. Well, now I've learned. To me, like, that's fucked up. Because that's, I mean, like, it's the ultimate, no offense, it's the ultimate punching down from a gatekeeping powerful person. And, like, that fucking shit pisses me off, dude. Sitting there, like, looking like a fucking, I've seen prettier things flopping around on a dock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
How long do you think it took for them to get the hook out of her mouth before the interview?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So that is what I do. And not just that. After that, you get... You become the star of a television show. Dude, I got... Directly after that, you get Wolf of Wall Street. You're in a Martin Scorsese film. It's fine, buddy. It's just funny. But then they're like sitting there pretending like you're a nobody. You're a CEO of a million dollar company.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They just don't... It's fine because they don't... It makes me so crazy. It's because we're below... We are below them, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, it seems like she was just being nice. Yeah, it was. But that's how, like, suicidal parrots act. You know, when they're picking their feathers off and stuff. Oh, yeah, molting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They were forcing him to be a mainstream director. He was... Also, he's told to. This is very similar to the SNL thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They said you weren't going to make it because you were too big.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Behind you and in front of you, right? Yeah, and if you're on the steps of the Capitol.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because it's like, you know, he took everything. First of all, overacting was good acting with him. I love that shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's like, you catch up to me. I watched Lost Highway this week. And I've been going through Twin Peaks, which is an odd timing to be doing that. But I watched Lost Highway in honor of Lynch. And man. It doesn't make any sense, but I love it. It fucking slaps, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You've seen Rabbits? I don't even know. I mean, I love Rabbits. You know, there's Rabbits 2. No, you should look up his Rabbits thing. It's fucking really fucking weird. Is it a movie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, I was waiting until I finished the second season before I did Fire Walk With Me. That seemed like the right move. Yes, watch it all together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Well, yeah, exactly. That was the producers who made him solve the murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You know what I was enjoying this week was his music. Dude, he's wild. I was listening to his music a lot while I worked this week, and it really kind of put me in such a fun, weird state. He'd also make his own props. A lot of stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I mean, I feel like anyone could. I mean, you're not even allowed to anymore. No one's going to give you any money. You have to have the fucking prestige behind you in order to get that shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The chicken dinner scene in Eraserhead is one of my favorite moments in film. I just think we've got to start making a run.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, especially as a leader, as someone who's buying our country. I don't know, but you know what? That's innocent mistakes. Innocent mistakes. Innocent mistakes. He's from South Africa. He doesn't know what Nazis are. No, they have something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Very much. Well, horror always follows the world. Like how the purge started during the last election and stuff like that. Or two elections ago. It all mirrors society at all times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Also, if you make something and it's not successful, oh, well, make something else. It's just keep moving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
food yeah and if they not getting it they're just slurping it down that's why everything's called binging all this kind of fucking horseshit is that it's slurping down oh my god slop and it's like no david lynch made food they're making there's reports where netflix is like making television so you can watch you be able to like look at your phone while you're watching it so you won't miss anything that's just depressing
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, yeah. That is super depressing. Now, we're talking about David Lynch. You know, I just wanted to give a real quick shout out. Garth Hudson also passed away. I know. We love the band. I love the band. If you ask me who my favorite band is, I usually say the band. Garth Hudson's the last surviving member. The oldest, crankiest one was the one that outlived everybody. That's how it goes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
If you ever watched The Last Waltz or anything like that, he's the long-haired, bearded, crazy-looking scientist dude who's playing, like, five keyboards at once. Yeah, he does Chest Fever, one of my favorite songs. Oh, my God. He's so fucking good. Garth Hudson, he was amazing. I love him with all my heart. In the band, when they asked him to join the band...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He didn't join the band because he couldn't explain to his parents that he was joining a rock band. So he charged everyone in the band $10 a week to pay him for music lessons. So he told his family that he was a music teacher and not a rock and roll star. Ha ha, that's fucking hilarious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, and so he was that kind of guy, and he was a very insular, very private man, and you were amazing, Garth Hudson. Thank you for everything. Seriously. All right, let's do a couple stories before we do the fucking... I got one more thing. We got a new show, new side stories. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're in Huntsville. All right, yeah, we're in Huntsville on March 16th. It's a Sunday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We're going to be in Huntsville, Alabama, right? That's two days... after our Nashville show at the Ryman. So make sure that, which is going to be on the 14th of March. But yeah, we're going to be in Huntsville, Alabama at the VBC Mars Music Hall. And I want to say right now, NASA, fucking come for it, bro. You want some? Oh, you're going to fucking... We're coming to your town, bro.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You got no excuse. I want you in front of me, NASA. You come for fucking my boy? I'm going to ask you questions about the fucking moon. You're going to turn you into fucking Lindsay Shookus, bro. You ain't shit, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, really? What's going on? I feel like every week, family annihilators have turned into the new dog fucker. I know we also have a dog fucker this week, but we're not going to talk about it. But just know, he's a man from where, and they call him a wereman, and he's trying to be a werewolf. That's my only joke. Disgusting. And I'm staying away from it, but there is a dog fucker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We're not talking about it, because we have to talk about this. Another family! annihilator.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's actually, you know, How much everyone hates their family. I don't think that's that bad. Every five days. Now, does this count for 20 days? Because four people were killed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It was, but it was in the kitchen. Well, you know what they say about eating at casinos. What? The mouse always wins. Funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's just a man with cargo shorts. Just wearing shorts to the inauguration in a hoodie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It could be... But then you have to have a closed hand. I guess that that goes out. You might be right. You might be right. It's a bad throw. Everyone knows classically you throw like a football like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You know who loves cigarettes? Pittsburgh. Oh, my God. That is still... They are smoking. Oh, yeah, yeah. We love the answers. I love Pittsburgh. Love the answers. Pittsburgh, I've only hung out there once, and I went in thinking, okay, this is going to be one of the worst cities I ever go to. It's not, and I really liked it. No, it's beautiful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Unfortunately, that heart is covered in French fries. It's slammed with Primanti Brothers. I love my Primanti Brothers. They open one in Florida. Don't eat there. I mean, I'm going to go. Don't eat the Florida Permanente Brothers. I mean, if I'm in Florida, there's not like this. That fucking sucks. It's only supposed to be in Pittsburgh. I mean, I'm sure it's delicious. We'll see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. Foot tap. That's different. That's different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's a get. That's a get. You got to chip that foot. I love that their excuse was like, it's not the Zieg Heil. Mussolini used to do it. And you're like, what are you talking about?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's going to turn out being the only one that's real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Okay? Yeah, wait for a better video. This is not...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
How does he, how does he know that that's not an egg? Well, he had better footage, but someone poached it from him. That doesn't make... I hate you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I don't know. Shut up, Rob. Shut up. I was held back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Well, what comes first, the baby or the egg? Because I got a story here. I think that technically the baby eventually turns into the person that comes into the egg. Well, in San Antonio, a man who was formerly an egg is now... charged in a road rage shooting earlier this week is also accused of trying to purchase a nine-month-old baby to harvest their organs, according to San Antonio police.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
What was the problem? Did his car not go through? Is that what it was? And they cut him off? I got this off of FARC. Jose Israel Teran Jr., 21, is charged with the prohibition of the purchase and sale of human organs in addition to one count of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon from Monday's shooting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Police said that on December 30th, 2024, Teran was mistakenly added to a group text message of family members discussing the details of a nine-month-old baptism. All right, so he did not know the family. No, he did not know the family. There was a group text. They accidentally add this demon to it. Oh, because he has the uncle had a phone number and he changed his cell phone number.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Then this guy randomly got the phone number. And so and the uncle's number wasn't taken out of the other person's phone. So he was added to the and he said and then he responded when they were talking about the baptism. He was not a part of the family response. That's a nice Caucasian baby. How much you want?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
and they they said wrong number you know and then they tried to block him sir no thank you sir thank you for the offer sir don't thank you so one of the family members blocked him but then he was texting everyone else still because they didn't know how to block him and then he said are you interested in selling i'm willing to start a bid at 500k now we find out
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Teron said he was willing to meet the same night to complete the purchase.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He also threatened that he knew the address of the church where the baptism was scheduled. Whoa. And they also knew their home address because it was sent earlier in the group thread.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
How much you want? That's not a bad question. You know what, though? I will say. It's clearly a joke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You texted the wrong person. That's what I would do. That is definitely a text I would have sent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you're standing next to a Nazi, there's always a chance you'll get shot. Yeah, I think you just got to be careful about that. You got to know that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, that's funny. Oh, you didn't attempt to buy the kid. That's not real. But the thing is, he sent it and they took it seriously. That's dumb. That's a joke. It is a joke, but he also did shoot somebody days after. That's the crime here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, he shot into someone's car. The bullet went through the door and into the person's leg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Absolutely. I think that'll be easy. Yeah, because we all know that after they're born, they're worthless. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. All I know is two Kiwis make an apple. In what? My fruit game. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. That's what I play. I play the fruit game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Go kiss some fruit. I'll be plum happy about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I do now too. I have berries every morning. It's really good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you spend more money on it, it's easier to get off of it because it becomes a sometimes treat. It does. And then it's better when you actually have it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
If you're going to cook meat, it's usually just a bunch of lamb. I make a lot of lamb. No baby sheep is safe close to the Zabrowski house. I'd fucking suck one's blood if I could. I love lamb so much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But he is very successful. He's doing very well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Salmon's so good. I like salmon. Salmon and fish. That's mostly what I eat. This is literally everything I've eaten in the last couple days. At once? Except for tofu. It's good for us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's different. That's happened to me sometimes. Smoke, you get synestrus. But that made me worried. I was like, I better not becoming allergic to weed. But if I can just start, now I have a reason to eat tofu. Do. If I get higher, well, I don't get higher. It just stops me from getting the cannabinoid hypernesis syndrome. You got close on that one. Yeah. But I'll do it, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I mean, I feel like I would have gotten it by now. What do you mean no tofu?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Okay, well, now I'm not eating tofu again. I mean, tofu's good. No, not apparently. It's not good enough to stop the weed disease.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You know what I like about tofu is you're supposed to beat it. Yeah. You've got to kick the shit out of it. No, you're talking about mochis. No. Yeah. Tofu, you pulverize it. No, you don't. Absolutely not. My cousin Robin pulverizes her tofu, and it was delicious. That's disgusting. You're watching your cousin pulverize her tofu. Yeah. She's like, Andy, come here. I got to show you something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I like lemon on seafood, and that's the only time I want lemons involved in my life. You'd be surprised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Stay away even harder, limes. I figured out with lemon. I figured a lot of things with lemon. Limes attack us. Do you know about that? If you cut your hand and lime juice goes into that cut and then that cut sees the sun, you're fucked. What? It happened to my boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No, we were cutting up limes with keys on the beach for our Coronas. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. And then his key went through the lime and it stuck in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
A margarita burn. Yeah, and his entire arm was turned different colors. I think he was actually working with you at the time at Borders, and then they made him move out of the cafe into the normal part because they're like, you can't give people coffee with that arm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
See, I cry in front of Julie and I make her throw money at me. See, that makes you feel better.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Thank you for taking it away and giving it back. Thank you. Being the pimp that beats us and tells us how nice the bath is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We're going to die there. Food Game, HGX2 tomorrow night, January 23rd, 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern. We got a great judge. Jared Logan's coming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's going to be eviscerating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't wait. I'm very excited. And we got Ariel from Fraudsters coming by. Oh, she's wonderful. And then we got Tootsie's making her first appearance. Aw, that's sweet. That's sweet. So check it out if you want to watch Tootsie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We're going to laugh. Dallas on February 22nd. Nashville on March 14th. And March 16th, we're going to be in Huntsville doing a Side Stories. And then April 18th, we're going to be in Detroit. And on May 3rd, we will be in Toronto. And then, of course, June is our rescheduled podcast. Atlanta shows. Cannot fucking wait. You've got to get me to Atlanta. This keeps stopping.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You're going to like it so much better this way. I'm going to like it more in the summer. I know I am. It is hot. I know it's hot. I lived in Tallahassee. It's not hotter than Tallahassee. But we're going to stay in a hotel with a pool. Ooh, we're going to stay in a hotel and a pool. There's going to be fucking people out in their bathing suits. I know everyone in Atlanta is super hot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, no, it's Shookus. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make fun of her name. Lindsay Shookus. No, honestly, you gave Henry some press. He's going to get some more acting jobs out of this. Honestly, you really did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You were at the Academy Museum when I went to the Academy Museum. There was an exhibit on Scorsese's editor, and then you popped up, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. And, Lindsay, I'm sorry I said all those horrible things about your appearance, but in my defense, I was just trying to hurt your feelings. Absolutely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Right now, you're currently nude on three platforms now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
She's fine. She's got a face like a knockoff Gucci bag. She's very, she does have a mean, thin face. Her head should come with handles. Yes. That's all I'm trying to say.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Congratulations. Yeah, that's great. It's amazing. It's a big thing. It's fucking. It's on Pissed Penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's Time Magazine, People Magazine. Also, if these motherfuckers are going to be talking about you in their goddamn magazines, mention the podcast. It'd be nice. They just say podcaster, but say the name of the fucking podcast, Time Magazine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
My shoulder hurts so much. Yeah, I see that. That I have to do it like... You know what that looks like? What? A Roman salute. Whoa. I actually... That's kind of crazy. Now that you say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. From your heart out to the... Yeah. And we know that the Romans were... You know, they didn't have slaves. No. And the Romans were innocent. Yeah, they were totally cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah. I mean, what she said about it was she said, when someone comes out and doesn't get a laugh, it's the worst feeling because it was like, I picked these people. Well, I think what happened... Did she pick you?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They do. You kept it in a bag for so long, and they brought it back, and they opened the bag.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You are in the news. Yeah, sure. So I'll talk about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They didn't kill Christians. No, no, no. They didn't kill Christians Alliance for entertainment. Yeah. Yeah, look at that. You should be feeling better. Yeah, let me try it. I'm feeling better. Ah! Actually, there's another. My hip's been hurting. Yeah, yeah. Is there another one? There's another one. Yeah, my hip's been hurting. Yeah, what's wrong? Yeah, I've been doing this one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, whoa, big high steps. You know what's funny? If you do them together, you're just like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, because especially back then, everyone smoked. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was where you got shit done and how you got gigs was just by smoking cigarettes or hanging out with the cigarette smokers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I thought of another good one. You remember the show Oz? The prison show? Yeah. This could be the Zizzer of Oz, and he could follow them in prison. We're going to make a lot of money off of these people. I can't wait to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I didn't know she was... She was British.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Chessington. Yes. But yeah, for sure, Chessington.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes, because we still write better jokes than AI. Still. It's still the main thing that we still got. Their emails are pretty good, though, AI. AI can write the fuck out of an email.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Also, if you have to reread it, in that time, you could have just written it. Exactly. Yes. Except for Grammarly. Grammarly is good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Why don't they have AI write the manifesto? Yeah, that's, I mean, like, if you care about AI so much, let it write the manifesto. This is why I don't think they're real. Hey, ChatGBT, could you write me a manifesto? You got it, sir. Yep. Not long enough. Actually, can we get the druids in there? You didn't list Amy Schumer as an influence. Could you go back and...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
This one guy looks like you found in a river. The guy with the glasses. What do you think? You think that looks like me? I said if you were found in a river.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, well, you know, the river ran a bunch of it off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I said if you were disformed by a river. But it's not me. Yeah, it's not you. It's not me yet. It wasn't an insult. Not yet. It's an insult to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
All right. My number one story of the week. Oh, these are, yeah, this is a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tastes like tradition. Raccoon Dinner brings international fame to Ohio Lions Club. That's right. Got this one from Cincinnati.com. Love you, Cincinnati. But Cincinnati is not the host. Of the raccoon dinner. Oh, it didn't want that honor? No, the raccoon dinner is in Danville, Ohio.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Okay, Danville, Ohio. Yes, so basically what it is is every year they have a raccoon dinner for lots of people, and it's this year 600 people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
showed up to the raccoon dinner there's only a thousand people in this town a raccoon meat looks horrible you know raccoon meat looks horrible i was curious how is it a stew it looks like it's stewed all right so rob i sent you a video okay on um raccoon a man preparing raccoon meat because i knew this was going to come up and henry it's like every worst person in danville arrived all right well this is some new orleans uh raccoon meat well that's
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
different i i'll eat why is it that's different why hold it one second why is new orleans raccoon meat so much different than ohio because you know they're gonna put spices in it raccoon meat in ohio it's you know they're not gonna season it you know new orleans they're seasoning it now kermit ruffins over at the mother law lounge he cooks raccoon for every super bowl That's different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I will eat Kermit Ruffin's fucking raccoon. That's different. But check out this fella. What's his name, Rob? He's great. He's one of my favorite follows. This is BernardH14. That's right. That's on TikTok, but on Instagram it's something else. I'll find it out for you guys. But check this out, Henry. Look at this guy. He made a bunch of raccoon. Let's hear it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, baby. Tell me you actually don't want this. Yes, sir. He could debone some of it. Nice and tender. It slides right off once you put it in your mouth. The bones are like horrific. The bones are horrific on it. This guy's great. He also cooks bear and shit like that. I got some yams right here. Mmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, this guy's definitely not going to live forever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, there's something peaceful about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
He fries snake and shit like that. He's unbelievable. I've had snake. It's boring and gross. Well, this is a boa constrictor. He'll lower. He's got this giant fryer that's bigger than this table. It's awesome. He has a crank, and he'll lower an entire snake into it. That's my fucking dream. And also, he'll smoke full bear legs and shit like that. This guy's great. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Sidestories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com. Yeah, every cat tastes differently. I know that much. So tickets for the event were $15 for adults. Thanks for letting me just have that. Yep, I just had to go. $8 for children, less than $12. So if you're over $12, you've got to pay full price for the raccoon dinner. Sorry. The feast included mashed potatoes, green beans, cornbread, and a drink and dessert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm rooting for you, pneumonia. Well, no. We're going to end up with the worst pope once this guy's gone. There's no worse pope. There is a worse pope. He's the best pope of our lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And, of course, a generous helping of roasted raccoon. If you did not like the raccoon, you could eat ham. This sounds great. Boy, you a fucking bitch. Look at this fat piece of shit. This guy is wearing a raccoon on his head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
He's shoveling it in his mouth. I love when people love something so much, but they still want to kill and eat it. You know what's funny? It's so bizarre to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But goat's on the bone. It'll always have little, it'll have pieces of bone in it. You gotta be careful when you eat the goat because that little bone, it can slide down your throat and it can cause a defection inside your esophagus and then you'll die of sepsis. You're making me afraid. I'm just saying that's, I've seen that happen before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I mean, I would do that with any animal I eat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, so this event's been around since I think the 50s. They've been doing it forever. They served over 500 pounds of raccoon meat, which basically it's about 750 meals. How many raccoons? I think it's 179 raccoons to make 750 meals. I don't even know where you- That motherfucker ate one whole one. The scariest town to be a raccoon in. Yeah, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Ohio, I mean, shout out to Travis Irvine, who's made multiple raccoon-themed films in Ohio. It's true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, no, she doesn't eat raccoon, unfortunately. Would she eat raccoon? I think if I tried to talk her into it, she'd take a bite. But I would say, so look at this. The meat, they say, is free range. Because raccoons eat fruit, nuts, corn, fish, frogs, insects, bird aids, and rodents. It's a fucking raccoon. But also trash. They eat trash. It's like... Free range? Yeah, it is free range.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I mean, they don't really have a home, you know? And I will say another thing about raccoons. But we eat oysters. They eat trash, you know? They live their bottom feeders. But a lot of those... Yeah, it's very different. I think an oyster's grosser than a raccoon. No way. I've never looked at an oyster and been like, that's a good boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. No. It's interesting. I want to know where they got all these raccoons from. Besides rats, it's the most free-range thing that exists. Well, a lot of people think it's a marsupial. A lot of people think a raccoon is a rodent. But the truth is they're closer related to bears than anything else. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, yeah, and they say that this is greasy as well. They've been preparing raccoon as an art for the members of the Dansville Lions Club for over 82 years.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, someone who doesn't like gay people, he certainly picked a pretty gay way to call himself Frank.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And it's so much better than figuring out dough. So they take the prepared—this is how they cook it in Danville, not how our boy cooks it. They take the raccoons that are dressed and, like, processed, and then they— Like a sweater and sweatpants? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they— They soak them in salt water for a day. Oh, so they brine them. They brine them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And then they say that no spices are needed during cooking. Just onions. That is the most Ohio gross shit I have ever fucking heard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So the dogs, as turncoats, went like, oh, fear a vase of making you squeak. What if it was farmed meat? Would you feel better about that? Yeah. A little bit. A little bit. If there was a raccoon farm somewhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's how they do it, though. Yeah. I get it. Yeah, you got to boil the whole thing. Again, though, I'll eat it as soon as it's out. Yeah. They said that it actually started out as a prank, the whole party. Oh, man, I bet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet, sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, back in 1939, Clyde Banbury offered to cook a meal for the club. When they all arrived, they realized he was feeding them raccoon. The friends all played along, ate the raccoon, and discovered that they actually liked it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They're quoted in saying, they all thought it was the coolest thing that ever happened. When the next year rolled around, they all got the idea to just go ahead and do it again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
82 years strong. Hey. Danville, Ohio Lions Club.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. They decided one day to make it a fundraiser. And then they're like, oh. And then it started getting even bigger. And so they put it in the high school cafeteria. And they were cooking the raccoon in the high school cafeteria. But then it outgrew the high school cafeteria. And so they had to move it again to the St. Luke's Community Center across the street from the high school.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And they made it a fundraiser. But it does not say where the funds go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You don't run after these people. There's no reason to. You're not allowed to touch them. My buddy worked at Publix, and he tackled someone stealing food, and he got fired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, I mean, you don't fuck around in these vape stores.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, what does that even do to you when you get pepper sprayed inside your anus? I believe it's called hot tush.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Who does look a lot like Kelly Reilly. Kind of works out for me. Yeah. I think it is adorable that you're constantly attracted to women that look like Natalie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
If he would have stole all the money out of the register, he should not have acted like this. Again, I think that what he did was rash.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. You smoke every one of them. Well, here's an interesting way that someone else is dealing with shoplifting in a more responsible manner. All right. A Michigan judge sentences Walmart shoplifters to wash cars in the parking lot. It's not a bad idea. Yes. And so this Michigan Walmart has had so many people steal from it that the prices are starting to go up. There's more security there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They're even threatening to close the store completely. And it's not a big town, so they kind of need this Walmart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, we can't go back 50 years in a race. Walmart is evil. It's over. It's over. It's done. We're fucked with it. It's over. We all know that it's evil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Just know that. Well, you know, I think there's a...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm just saying. That's their dream. That's their dream. Yes. So this judge, Jeffrey Clothier, what he's doing now is that people have been stealing from there so often, and he's under the opinion, this is a quote from him, I don't think everyone that steals is a bad person. Wow, I can't believe that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, sometimes people are just down on their luck, but there's got to be consequences for when you break the law. So what he is doing is anyone who steals from this Walmart now has to wash cars for free. Free car washes in the very same Walmart parking lot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's overpriced bags and shit. Who fucking cares? Well, Walmart's become such a crazy place that I don't know if we talked about this on the show recently, but it was like a story presented to us, but the...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. It's cut off three different stores. I never trust a store that sells jeans and lobster. You know, it's just like, come on, pick a flame. Hey, except for Costco. Costco's pure. I mean, apparently people still like Costco. I got no reason to be there. Costco is pure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's just me and Julie. I don't need Costco.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, well, I go to who gives a crap. I get the natural bamboo towels, so I'm not contributing to them cutting down the rainforest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You're right. And she doesn't know what's coming. Well, now she does. She's not listening. The warning's out there. No, she's not going to. Yeah, no, she's not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You put a bounty on the rainforest with bounty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They don't got to fucking work. Well, Walmart's on board. They're providing water and supplies. Thank you, Walmart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But it's such a better thing than locking up people and ruining their lives. So it's one of those things. I'm really happy that this is. I feel like this is one of our first positive news stories on this show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like at the Delta One.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. Oh. So Clothier said he thinks it'll be humiliating to be out there washing cars if you see someone you know, and he thinks that'll be enough to keep people from stealing from the Walmarts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, Natalie's rational. She's not going to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They commit more crimes. Always. You get into a fight in jail and then you're fucked. You're stuck in there for Lord knows how long after that. And you don't have a choice to get into the fight. No. Someone just comes up and beats you up. And guess what happens if you don't? Then you get beat up more. Yes. So it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Keep people out of jail in any way possible. So thank you, Judge Clothier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think back to like those fundraising car washes we used to do in high school with all like the.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
teachers and the seniors 15 year old cheerleaders and stuff like in bikinis washing the cars outside of the Einstein bagels I look back and I'm like we should not have been allowed to do that Eddie you and I were raised in a very specific time period where it seemed to be a little bit more open yes do you remember American Beauty
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Shout out to Guy Pearce for dealing with Kevin Spacey's bullshit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag. Whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person... It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
She famously lost a fight in that show. Well, I'm not quite aware of that performance of hers. She's all bloody and her fucking breasts are out. I saw some clips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking, it's a hell of a scene.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City. Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
How is it a 3% chance of landing and they're like, Illinois is fucked?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think I'd rather know the day the world's going to end than the day I have a heart attack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So you'd rather us all die? Yeah. Well, not rather everyone die. I'm saying if I were to know the future, I'd rather it be a day that we're all going to die together rather than, like, you're going to have a heart attack on August 8th, 2085.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I mean, it was 2% last week, and now it's 3%, and they're like the Indian Ocean, and next week it's going to be like, ah, it's going to hit Africa, and it's going to be like New York.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, you know what drives me crazy is also if we know when the world's going to end. I think I'm talking myself out of wanting to know right now. But like if we know who's going to show up to work. And then next thing you know, like, there's no power for the last three days because no one's going to the fucking, to the LADWP.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, Rob, we have a strict schedule to release these people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
continue to come out we don't tell certain sectors right just simply for the fact that we're gonna all the rest of us are gonna want to be able to watch tv yeah because when i saw deep impact the one of the things that bothered me the most about that movie and i know it's not real but one of the things that bothered me the most about that movie was that it was the day before the asteroids about to hit and the fucking guy calls a cab
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But if the asteroid does come, I know one thing. I don't want to miss a thing. I want to make sure I see it. What I'm really afraid of is that, and we talked about this right before. By the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Definitely send an Affleck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
She does seem fine. They have children together. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people do. Yeah, yeah. And all this diddy heat with J-Lo. Like, imagine that he's just sitting at home. He's like, hold on. Who? What did you do? What?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Do you think they would empty the prisons or just lock the doors?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because the guards aren't going to show up for work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I mean, we've all talked about this before. The world is not going to end. We might end, but the world's going to be here. This rock's going to keep on spinning. Yeah, man. And no memory.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, baby! Oh, yes, yes. Oh, let me see you, Apple Adam. See, this is a perfect time for this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Roll out the barrels again. Two sausages for me. Three for you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We got one! Is he the first Polish serial killer? No. First and last. Well, biggest and most.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It only can go one way? Well, I don't fucking know. You used to be a plumber. I don't know anything about this. Well, I have no idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, we're mansplaining. You can get pregnant through your ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So it's a women's health magazine calls it a cloacal malformation. It's cloacal. Cloacal? It's a cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Whatever. They're fucked up. Booty holes. Which means she was born, but she didn't have a urethra, vagina, and anus. She just had one hole. Wow. One big room.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
1 in 25,000 isn't really that. I mean, the lottery is way bigger.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. It also only occurs in women, so we couldn't have just one hole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think that is what women's health is saying. But... it's usually diagnosed at birth and repaired right away so the baby has a separate urethra yeah but that's what happened in this woman's case however something went very wrong either in the surgery was botched or its response to the trauma of the surgery um a body can be formed a fistula an abnormal connection between organs the fistula
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
A fistula. Thank you. I'm bad with pronunciation. Yeah, fistula is my burlesque name. A uterus can become fused to a rectum in these situations. So every month when Aunt Flo comes to town, they have their period rectally. So meanwhile, you know, this is the news. This is the news. You asked me. You asked us. We don't want to talk about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, man. That was man corner. We're over. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, and there was one email we got about booty shorts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, so says, hey guys, I was listening to your episode with the girls from Who's the Bitch? And I thought it was interesting that Jackie's suggestion spelled wrong, by the way. I actually think it's a more fun... Spelling. And she should spell it that way. Suggestion of being tricked or fooled by fake butts and boobs because that's something I saw a lot on Reddit from the old incel board.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, whatever. That's not what we meant. I mean, I think so. Basically, a lot of incels complain that women change their appearance to fool men into sleeping with them. So they're against stuff like butt pads and makeup. Yeah, because they're losers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So they said, as someone who personally loves looking like a slutty milf, I just wanted to share that most of the women who I know who wear strong makeup and pads and stuff like that aren't doing it to attract men into sleeping with us. I'm married, so when I go out with my husband, I just like looking like a hot slut. Cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm Latina, so I don't wear butt pads, but I absolutely wear padded bras because who cares? The people who see me aren't going to see me naked, so why should I care if they feel deceived?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But usually, you know, I love you, so I don't care what you say. But usually when men have those type of opinions, like you can't wear this shit, it's a control thing. Oh, of course. I know what you're saying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. Yeah. But it's also like you never see an attractive man complain about this. No. It's always like ugly dudes who can't get laid anyway. They're almost looking for reasons to say like, oh, I don't want to date that person because she's ugly when she's obviously gorgeous.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And you know, and his last words are going to be, I can't believe it wasn't butter. And it writes itself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. Like you always wanted. I did get a lot of people have been messaging me about my young vet hate talk. First of all, the things I say, everything I say on this show, unless I take a moment, anything I say in this voice is a joke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, my God. The way people look at their dogs and treat these vets. For full disclosure, my father-in-law owns his own family practice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes, he owns his own practice. So I understand the family practice. Lots of people hit me up like, Ed, you need to find a family practice. I know all about it. It is the right move. I basically, where my thought comes from, I love a more experienced person. And so a young vet, You become an old vet. And I think that during that process, you become better at it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think we became better comedians over the years. I think that, you know, stuff like that. I think you will see more things that come. I think that now the vet community is in a lot of trouble. We got companies like Chewy buying out fucking full practices from people. And then like also like vets used to prescribe the medicine. Now people buy it for like for a quarter of the price from Chewy's.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And so the vets are losing money that way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, no, it's like a $5 charge now if you want us to fill it. Because they're just filling out all the paperwork and doing more work for free.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, no, it's a hard job being a vet. I love every vet in the world. You gave yourself to take care of animals. I thought it was obvious that vets are good people because they donated their lives to helping animals. And so making fun of somebody who has done such a nice thing is comical to me. Yes, it is. Yes, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, well, also, I do want to say another thing about the whole thing. Okay, please, Eddie. These corporations are buying up these fucking vet offices, and they're buying it from the people who own family practices, and then they're hiring part-time vets to come in who are trained less, who
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
these people work like two days a week and they don't they don't care as much as a normal everyday vet and they're giving bad information and so i think that there is you need to go to a family-owned vet do not go to one of these corporate places i think it's very important i agree they will care more about your dog they will take care of you and anyone in the people who will be coming at me telling me that my dog should be dead you are very rude
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
and I have a family owned vet that I literally take pictures of shits and text him and he's like that's fine don't worry about it they're very well taken care of my dogs are so well taken care of it is very aggravating and I'm telling you this right now as his co-host and as a person as his best friend I'd call the police on him if I had to if I really felt that your dogs were like fucked
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. They're just very old. They're very old.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Every time I see a vet, I'm like, you will tell me when I have to put this dog down. And every time they're like, it's looking all right for now. And so like Tootsie just had a rough week and we got her in blood work. The vet was like, I don't know. She doesn't look too good. Then we got the blood work and he's like, she's fine. And then I sent the blood work to someone else.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Like, yeah, she's fine. She's just like picky when she eats now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Still walking around. She rejected his advances.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. We're going to be in Dallas on Saturday, so come check us out at the CU Theater in Grand Prairie, Texas. That is right next to Dallas, but if you know what Dallas is, you know what Grand Prairie is, obviously. But we also have a lot of side story shows coming up. We do. On March 16th, we're going to be in Huntsville, Alabama. Come check us out there. That's going to be a lot of fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's going to be a blast. And then also on May 7th, we're going to be in Dania Beach at the Dania Beach Improv, which is Fort Lauderdale. So make sure you get your tickets to that. That's going to be May 7th. And then May 8th, we're going to be at the Funny Bone in Orlando. Yeah, we are, baby. Yeah. We're doing some real comedy clubs, Henry. We're going to have fun, man. I'm very excited.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I can't wait for this. So come and join us. And if you heckle, we'll beat the shit out of you. Yeah, no, because we jump out on the stage. And then, of course, there's always Crime Wave, which is going to be in November. Get your tickets. Lots of people got tickets already. It's going to be a fucking official last podcast meetup on this fucking bro. You're going to meet some new friends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You've got to come. You've got to come see this. No. They have a morgue on the ship. They got to. They told us they have a morgue on the ship and a jail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I don't know what you've been talking about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Every day. Alright, so he killed sex workers, right? Yeah. What if he was the guy before?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I don't know, but the show was ending and you brought it to a screeching halt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because it's over. Luminol! Luminol! Yes, you young vets. They're all stealing all the Luminol. Did you know that, the young vets? They're all hoarding it. Yeah, I got you, you fucks. You thought I was being nice. I'm back, baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
What if she worked with him earlier that evening and he came on her scarf and then later on that night she got killed by someone else?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's crazy how it's like two Johnny Depp movies came together. uh, Sweeney Todd and from hell to be, to be the real thing, the real thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Wow. Quick Wikipedia search. Really just found a new three-part LPN.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Vegan Polish food. It's really, really good. I just don't know if I could make the choice to eat vegan Polish food when you can eat normal Polish food. There's absolutely no reason to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
somehow. At least before we weren't murderers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, I think the vegan Polish restaurant would do better if they didn't tell people it was vegan. Well, they have to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Man, I got to say, I've been watching the show The Pit. I've been loving it. I really do love this show. Is that the show where you just sit in the shower and watch little boys wash each other? Is that that show?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
i'm so glad i got that waterproof case for my phone no but the uh the pit the new uh hospital procedure show it's just like i don't like hospital procedure shows no i watched it you know i was like i'll just put it on for the hell of it blew my mind i fucking cried twice what the fuck is this a commercial i talked to my doctor friends about the pit i was like all right is this real and they're like apparently it's like the most accurate doctor show that's ever existed but
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
There's no yins. And it all takes place in Pittsburgh. Oh, yeah. And no one's yinning it up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not real. It's like very accurate as far as like an emergency room goes. But not to the environment. But there isn't one yin in the fucking show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, they should have just put it somewhere where people don't have strong accents, you know? Because it was like, you know, Chicago Hope worked out. I guess Chicago even hasn't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's always someone like, get the fuck away from me type of thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
In Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know this. Yeah. Yeah, but I think... Yeah, no, I love the show. I think it's great, but I'm just mad about the lack of yins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's how I do it. And it keeps me from eating a fucking little Demi cake. I think we're the saddest. Yeah, I know. That's what happens. That's your 40s, man. If you're younger, enjoy it. I actively eat seeds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, chia seeds every morning. Every morning. Every morning. I hate it. Today it does something good to me. I don't think it's stuck in my teeth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, I don't want to... Because that's all you're doing. That's all you're talking about these days. Let's not bring her up. You're going to get in trouble. No, you did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I don't feel any different. Why am I eating bird seed? I feel no different. I don't know. They said the same thing. I'm just doing it. I'm just doing it because they tell me to. Sam, I'm doing it because you're doing it. Yeah, the probiotic seed pills also. Sam, because you're doing it. I'm taking it. I feel no different. I feel exactly the same.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Also, it's like, but at the same time, I was consistently feeling worse. See, this is nice. And now I'm not feeling worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because the goat is in the field. Yeah. And its cheese is, you know, slightly healthier. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Can we write a musical that's based off of The Wiz, but it's all about Zizzias, and it's called The Ziz? Rob, cut this out. We have to write this out. We just lost a million dollars if we put this in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
There's no place to escape to. This is the Last Podcast on the Left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
I think that works. Oh, my God. Is your Starbucks squirting?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
Hold on, I got to hit my theme music before I come out. Yeah, no, but they took him into custody without incident.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
It's a good present. It's done for you already.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
Should be well if there's no water, by the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
And then below the article is this pregnant dog picture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
What am I? I got all day to think about where I'm parking my knife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
I can't wait, man. Yeah, I'm definitely going to go in early.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
It's got, well, I mean, lights are easy to attach.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
What happened to him? Who, a seal? Yeah. I think he was on tour last year. He's still doing his thing. Kiss from a Rose is a big hit. People love that shit. He's handsome. I think he's handsome. Do you want to get to regular news?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
They were flying drones over the fires, and they couldn't fucking fly the planes to dump the water because people were flying drones, taking video footage of the fires.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Is he's going to get 18 months in prison. Yep. And then when he gets out, they're like, and 50 hours community service.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
27 to me is like a real number. That's a good number we can start considering you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
By the time I was 28, I was done doing drugs. Well, except for mushrooms and acid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
No, but this guy did steal fetuses and body parts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
They didn't tell us his actual sentence, but he's going to get in trouble too. It sounds like he also threw the other guy under the bus. Does he get in trouble in Wichita or Pennsylvania where he's from? Or is it now a federal case once it crosses state lines? Side stories. LPOTL. At gmail.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I mean, there's obviously a website that they went to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Well, there was the guy from Harvard who stole human remains.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
There are some people, sure, but I have no idea what you're talking about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Get this off the screen. I don't want this. This has nothing to do with anything. I'm glad you have a hobby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Big watermelon. You got to play it. It's a great game. It's on my phone, and I connect the watermelons, and then all the other fruit disappears, and I can start all over. It's like Tetris, but it's all fruit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
They weren't roaming as much as they were like, they were next door pigs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Well, people say it was Christmas, but it was also the first day of Hanukkah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
They hate them. I talked to some Rottweilers. They say some really nasty shit about old ladies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
But also like... If it was teacup pigs, what do we... I mean, this lady had it coming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I don't think they're killing for the thrill of it. She probably was yelling at the pigs. She saw them running around on Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
You think she yelled at the pigs? She said, yes, she could have yelled at the pigs and then caused the pigs stress. And then the pigs killed her. I'm not saying it's her fault.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I mean, I would probably want to play with them. I like pigs so much. I'd want to kiss them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah. Fly from your grave. You know, the pigs could have helped with this other situation we got here. Which one? This happened in Mobile. Oh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
It's calmed down, but I think there is still random soup being dropped occasionally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
But our boy Drew is doing good. He's volunteering at the animal shelter these days. That's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
So this comes from Mobile, Alabama. Someone wrote, please tell me this isn't what I think it is. Just got back home from work and found this surprise on my door handle. I don't know what it looks like and I can't make an educated guess on what it is. Can someone please explain to me what the fuck is going on?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yes. No, that is become that. I was like, all right, what are we reading here? Why? Why was this given to me as a story? And then I'm going through the Reddit comments and it's just like, you need a gun. What kind of gun? You get a handgun. You can just get a handgun in one day. Well, maybe you should just get a shotgun that doesn't work. That way you can just pump it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah, I brought my Quince shirts and I brought my Raycons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
And it's like, why would you get a shotgun that doesn't work? Because then you can't kill the person. And so everyone's just talking about how to just murder this person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
M-A-L-E. Well, I guess that's double. That's redundant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
And also, I don't think murder is the proper punishment for someone coming on your door.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I'm sure you had to deal with your fair share of cum. I've never seen anything like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
No, there's not a lot. It's hard to show. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah, people don't fucking get off on that. What's going on? That should be available to us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Are you requesting cum pictures? Do not send your cum pictures to Sidestory.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
People look at that. Yeah, if it was just me reading.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Well, you know where you can see a pile of cum? At a laundromat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
So now, first of all— It's already bad enough you've got to do laundry on Christmas Eve.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Now, fucking on a bus, I'm less, I'm less accepting of that. Yeah, me too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
You know what's interesting to me? She's looking at 21 months.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
And then he's looking at, what, two years?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Both more than the guy selling body parts. Yep. That is crazy to me. I just watched the fucking... What is going on with these punishments of people?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
So these people are going to spend more time in jail than the guys selling body parts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Let's get to some letters. Well, before we go, I just wanted to mention that if you're in Missouri and you see a buck going around with a collar and the word pet written on the side of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah, yeah. No, no. Not that. Not that. But yeah, apparently, real quick, a man discovered a deer while he was out hunting and he had the word pet painted on the side of it and it had a collar on. And people are, they say that that's not good. It's a wild animal and it cannot be a pet. So please do not make your deers pet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I got to say, surprisingly good. Yeah, people like it. As someone who loves Dylan, that movie was surprisingly good. Does he talk like that? The whole movie, yeah. And you know what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Basically, every single... We did not run out of water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah, we'll figure that out. And whatever it is, we'll let you know what it is, when it is, so you can help and contribute and watch and laugh along. Yeah, fuckers. Otherwise, I love all of you, except for people I don't love.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
You should start spraying their house in a hazmat suit. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I got a solar-powered lamp. Yeah, I saw you said that. And I was like, what am I going to do? I'm just going to leave this outside and wait for it to work? It's solar-powered. It's annoying. I definitely regretted my decision the moment I got home and it was dark out. And I'm like, oh, there's no sun for the solar lamp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Oh yeah. Luckily, you know, I already have some home retardant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Thank you, everyone, for making us look stupid. I appreciate that. What do you mean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
She still has to, you know, rely on a calendar. Well, yeah. You know, it's not in total control. But it's her calendar. Yeah, I know. But still, like, days are going to happen. Time's going to happen. You're not in total control.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Marguerite Taylor Greene did ask that the people with the weather machine please send rain to Los Angeles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Maybe all the brooms burned up because they're so flammable and the witches weren't able to control the wind because all the brooms were gone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
And then it was snowing there anyway and it would have been a total disaster if we went. So we're coming back June 28th and 29th, respectively.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
coffee he hits me up constantly to send me shirts and more beans i never say i never turn down free coffee especially his coffee because it's delicious don't ever do it he sent me recently a bag of mystery coffee and then wrote on it might be horrible did he sends experiments to me too he sends me experiments might be horrible it's awesome i love to try it i always do it yeah but sometimes it's great freezer now i'm scared of it it's delicious it's just coffee
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
We don't know who sent this. We don't know anything about this information. We don't know if this is true or not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I'm also, you know what else? I'm going to take away your rolly hot dogs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Because they haven't been here long enough to fucking see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Because you guys always try to spend time with your families. No one cares about your family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Someone who sees their own demise. So that way they don't want your dog to die in front of them because they know that's another day that brings them closer to death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And you are the coal mine? What a great way to start.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
He's fine. He's got an apartment. Oh, what a horror show. Oh, what a crazy, what a crazy, what a, we all, it's like a Holocaust for him. I can't believe he has to rent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Hey, pal. Nice dancing. Yeah. You dance well. Hey, dance like my dead wife. Yeah. I think it's fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Because I come from each generation of man who's lived. Preach it, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I don't want him to either. It's just that funny. It's just, you are not, you are nowhere less fuckable than as a man at the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, we got some updates. That guy's going to die one day less.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Yeah, exactly. I wish I could kill a hooker and bring her back to life. Well, you know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Like the fucking blue stove. When they would torture your fucking ass and you would just sit there and take it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
God, it's great. They used to give money to people to make stuff, not to have just that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
They're so far done with Preston. Oh, all right. Well, that was my first mistake. What do you mean they're done?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Come on. Come on. That's a little taste. Philip. Philip, it's lunchtime. Prest is best.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
That's what I like, a hard mother. I like a hard mother.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I don't need a big ass. I'm okay as me. Waffles. I'm okay as me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
When we first grouped up these Nazis, because that's where Nazis belong, in the fucking gallows. Yes!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Now that that's downer, that downer's out of here, let's bring in the kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
There's no place to escape to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Part two.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, all right. You get your tickets next week. All right, we'll keep moving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I really like Batavia because it's a good artificial sweetener.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What do we know about scurvy? Like once it sets in, like, can you get better from it or are you fucked like rabies?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, man. Gotta get them vitamin C pills for everybody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
In like a weird way, like it's almost good if people die because then they don't have to pay them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And the Brits, they would, like, bring citrus with them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, it's wild. Just sitting in that beach, the whole thing, it's very dangerous. In fact, it's intense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You know, it's that whole lesson where it's like never get too drunk at an open bar you're not paying for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, you spank me, you big fucking bitch. I feel like I did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Cartoon mouse stuck in a whiskey bottle.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's a big hole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Pirates of the... I know, but I Googled what movies have the Dutch West Indies company in it. They're like Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest. I was like, all right, I'll watch that. That seems like fun. I like Johnny Depp. And then I put it on. It's fucking British. It's pretty bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's a bad movie. Yeah, Google's broken. Yeah, but the Kraken's fucking rock and roll. It's very cool, yeah. I love the Kraken. We should do an episode on the Kraken. Should we stop? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Also, this might be a stupid question, but who takes over if he has to kill the captain? Probably the boatswain. Okay, yes. We'll get to him in a bit. All right, great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You ever been canoed on a canoe?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What's a mutinous quality? Like, bestiality? Well, if you...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Whose name was also Latrina. Yeah, it used to be shit house. Good change. Good change. Now, also the thing about the latrines were they couldn't use them whenever they wanted. No. So they only had like a half hour a day to go fucking shit and piss. The soldiers, at least.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Can I go on the ship, Marcus? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
No. I want to be on the ship.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Who didn't wash the room?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The term sleuths. Almost every word in this episode, including Euronymous, is hard to deal with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Whatever we don't eat, we'll use as lube. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It really helps me take the ore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It was a lot of fun, but the late show guests just kept repeating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Forfeits!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What secrets could they possibly have? They're all raping each other in front of each other.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Anything. When I was working at the poorhouse in a restaurant in New York City, they would literally chew through the brick walls and through like, you know, like kitchens are lined with metal. Yeah. You know, they would chew through that and then we would have to like fill it with like those like metal like scrubbies. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We used to call them space pussies because you open them up and it's like a metal little vagina. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's real fun. Yeah. We'd stick those in the wall and then we'd caulk that up and then eat through that fucking shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes, I love to eat your teeth. Thank you so much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's bad luck to have ladies on a boat. Well, it's not really bad luck as much as you can't trust the men.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That wouldn't happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Honestly, it is like the worst place to be hot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He would have been great, the guy, the coach from Major League. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I mean, they're just straight up killing people and stabbing their hands to the mast. Like, what could the torture for this be that everyone's scared of it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Man, I bet like an afterwards, like, you know, some guy screaming for days. I imagine they just beat the shit out of him at some point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Also, like, barnacle are fucking crazy sharp. Yeah. I remember one time, like, I saw a guy, like, fall off, like, a pier type of thing. Everyone was out there fishing and shit. And then when he tried to get back on, he scraped his hand on the barnacle and it fucking sliced it open. Like, fucking, you could see the bone and shit. It was fucking wild.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And if I find one herpy that did not come from me. I know mine. I know mine. Because they all got names.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
No one would have thought any different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yahoo Sirius is a fucking surgeon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I just wanted to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
sucking in air like literally like i'm not dead yet i'm gonna get this shit to fucking jakarta if it kills me or not it's crazy because like we all know that pelsart's a bitch but like these guys are like scared to kill him somehow so much that even when he gets better they attack the woman yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Why was it called the Roaring Forties? Because of the latitude? Yeah, exactly. Good job. Way to go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. I'm glad we have this show for you to talk to me about this stuff. Because if you do it outside of here, I'm going to have to beat you up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It is wild how, like, close did we get to Brazil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They didn't hang that loosey.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. And then the whole thing where he like loaded the whole boat full of rats before the...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm an anonymous man, no one will remember me!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I know one. Bumps at sea and then just jumped up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, there's lots of Jakobs and Euronymouses. All the names are so close to the other one's name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, but we're in Australia, though, so it could be a footy field. Yeah, thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Now I'm fucked. Now you've made me into an idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I just went... When we went to Australia, I went to a footy game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I took in some gross culture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I mean, that's his fucking job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The Danny Trejo of the group. Oh, he's correct.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm talking about a womb. All these guys there on this womb-shaped island, there's going to be too many womb-mates. That's what I'm saying. There's going to be no womb for them to hang out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They didn't know what a fucking pear was. Yeah, they never saw a pear, but they have torn the womb out of a woman. That is true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Also, whenever I hear Euronymous, I feel like it should be yelled like, Euronymous!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And they're drunk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Listen, I'll be right back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I was going to go to Indonesia real quick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, you all play it cool. I'll be back in a month, and if I'm not back by then, we're all dead. Rape and eat each other. Yeah, you're all dead anyway.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, and that water wasn't great to begin with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, you could eat worms. Yeah, you could eat the worms.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hold on, one more kiss.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The longboat, I want to ask a question about the longboat before we... It's just like a giant, like, there's no, like, shelter. As far as I... You're out in the elements.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Can I do one real quick? I'm getting too old for this shit. Yeah, it's even getting old to say it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I could only imagine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You know what else I find to be very cool about this whole story is that the Batavia itself crashes into the coral and then, you know, inevitably will sink into the coral and then become coral itself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, fuck. We missed it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Is it the Maritime Museum in Sydney? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because I almost went and I didn't. I would have been mad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm looking at the map the whole time you're telling the story. And so, like, it looks like the reef is, like, around Perth. Right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. Also, I want to give a quick congratulations to Henry and I for not making one semen joke, not one tarred rope. Not one. Not one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Dallas, baby. We're coming to Dallas February 22nd. That's going to be amazing at the CU Theater. I can't wait. It's actually in Grand Prairie, Texas. But yeah, we're going to do that. And then we've got a whole other bunch of shows coming down the pipe. We're going to be Nashville, Toronto. We're doing Detroit. There are going to be some other announcements coming soon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And if you watch us on Patreon, you can see the wonderful map that's behind Marcus when you watch the show that you're listening to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I haven't seen him. He's like a little gargoyle in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hey, tell her to pencil it in. You pay me, I'll do it. Noted, noted, noted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Wow, it's more annoying somehow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm so sick of Henry's bullshit, man. It's so fucking sick, man. I puked out my penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Did you know the flotilla is back at Taco Bell? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You should really just treat me a little more respectfully. Yeah?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Okay, well, the crew's watching.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I can't argue there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I mean, I think I won the fight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's got one of those heads that's as wide as his neck, which is good for swallowing his own bullshit. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And the Mormons, don't they believe Jesus came to America?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Texas. Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Hey, we're here to listen to alternative music. Like that. You just made me cut my pants. He's part of the caffeine-free Pepsi generation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Did they have normal churches, too? Most likely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No. Man, that'd be awesome. Oh, yes. That'd be a good way. I think that is equal. 20% Satanists. That is what Salt Lake City is. It really is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That I believe. I don't know about the wizard part.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And it's got lots of muscle in there. It's true. There's lots of going on in there. It's connected to the legs and all that. Yeah, you're right. It needs to be worked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh! Yeah. Oh, that sounds great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Even God's like, hey, why don't you get out of here? Hey, leave. You suck. You know that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I mean, when I kill a bunch of bees, I never count them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Sometimes the voice whispered sometimes it shouted sometimes it urged Sometimes it scolded and sometimes it had specific directions or commands But Chad wrote in his memoir that he trusted the voice implicitly and never disobeyed it
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And I said, no, I got to leave room for others. Mine told me to burn down the Zanku chicken who didn't put chicken on my salad. I am so angry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But I calmed myself. I did not listen to my voices. That's good. My voices made me yell at Eddie about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I took some of our ham and I... And I tore it up and I put it on my salad and made it worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Do you think the warmth that he felt was his own urine? Probably. I'm peeing!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
See, when you say near-death experience or NDE, I hear CTE. Brain damage. Which we all know makes you super peaceful and rational.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Who cares if we get invaded if there's only 144,000 people left? It's a massive country.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He looks like Dan Aykroyd from Nothing But Trouble.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How do they hit the street so hard without a cup of coffee?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
What— What corporations do they own? Like, how do they get their $200 billion?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah. So you've contributed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you got to put little things over your fingertips.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How would they say about Kendrick Lamar's halftime show? Huge fans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Because I get it. I always got to call and make sure they got the boob inspector hat. Because I sweat through them so quick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
My beer bong doesn't have a giant cock on the end of it. Do you have something to fix that for me? I'll pray for you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Four? Near-death experiences. Yeah. That is like, you're clumsy. Who are you, Mr. Bean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Talk about someone who's seen the other fucking sign. No, I know. Many times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Four near-death experiences, though. It's like, if there is a God, God's trying to kill him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Why do you think the president's a fucking hundred?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's going to be horny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Joseph Smith had his followers. He's walking across America, and he shows up to Salt Lake City, and he's like, ah... It is Nevada.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Please don't throw that shopping cart in that pool, sir.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He tried to make a Casper.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yes, I've heard of that. They say it in Catholicism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's interesting that they're so obsessed with the end of the world, and that lake is evaporating, and the gases are going to kill all of them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I get it. Two Ds, like his bra size. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Sure sign of intelligence is when you're at the beach, swim towards the rocks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Also, almost dying a bunch does not make you strong. What doesn't kill you make you stronger?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He was real good at cleaning gravestones because he practiced every day when he washed his head. Yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Where was he?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Fucking be on one, man. Put a koozie in it. Sounds like something that stops the apocalypse. A bunch of abortions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know, I think a river of floating dead children is more apocalyptic than a bunch of aborted fetuses. I would agree. But, you know, that's just me. You're not a writer. I'm not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now we're making soup. Oh, my God. You ever put one on a flat-top grill, make a Billy cheesesteak?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's funny that there is more slaves in heaven than there was in America. I was surprised, too. When I met a bunch of them, I was like, oh, wow. Oh, I'm in some hot water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, wow. That's very impressive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, when they bury their children in Idaho, do you think they were just fertilizing their potatoes? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yes. He jumped into a sinkhole and he swam close to rocks. He's not a good swimmer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, my God. Do you think they like the Smiths because of Joseph Smith?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's such a rare name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You'll have to tell me more about that later.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But, you know, we're already running over.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
hold hands this is the fantasies they're talking about too they're not like they're fucking no it's not like it's cool stuff it's like literally being able to like kiss another lady it's are you but also with all the doomsday prepping you bought the gear you know you want to use it yeah the rest of us bike here for shit we do you know and so like we use our stuff immediately but if you're just sitting on it and looking at it you're like when are all these people gonna die like
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You are prolific.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Is it? The end of the world's supposed to be started by the geysers and Yellowstone. That's one theory.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Imagine the insurance for a near-death experience conference.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Every breath he takes is a near-death experience.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That sounds nice. I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, a little bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I think so. I think, I feel like, you know, I'm just calling it now. You do you. But I think you're going to be calmer next one. I feel like you really did get some shit out today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's all coming around. Wow. It really links together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
We'll find out. Also, if you want to watch something that pertains to this, watch the post-apocalyptic game show, The Hoopa Goo Goo Game. There we go!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But the next one's going to be on March 6th at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern, all on twitch.tv slash lpntv.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, that's going to be a blast. On the 16th. And we're coming for you, NASA. We are coming. The proof. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Moments ago, Henry was like, I'm going to be, I got to chill out. I got to be calm today. I got to...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's very difficult. So if you want to buy resell tickets, go to any tunes dot com. I'll be reselling the tickets myself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And you can also get tickets to my tour, Invasive Species, the Ed Larson Tours Florida. So if you're in Florida in March or May, I'll be coming to your town. Hopefully, if you're in Tallahassee, Panama City, Jacksonville, Dania Beach, Orlando, Naples, or Key West, check that out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
This is a man who supposedly fought aliens. Yeah, the guy with the green hat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Later on. Hail Satan. Hail Gein. Hail Gladys Knight. I tried to find a cool Mormon, and that's the only one I could find. She's Mormon, huh? She converted in 1990.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, I know. What are you going to do? What about the Pips? I don't think they joined her. They stayed Christian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Makes sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Tallahassee, what's going on? Ed Larson here from Last Podcast on the Left to let you know I'm coming to you. That's right. I'm going to be at the 926 Bar and Grill on March 23rd doing some stand-up and some music with my good friends Evan Rossi and Danny Bedrosian, you know, the keyboard player from Parliament Funkadelic. What? He's performing live with Ed Larson in Tallahassee?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yes, it's happening. So come on out March 23rd, Tallahassee, Florida, to see Ed Larson, Danny Bedrosian, and Evan Rossi perform at the 926 Bar. You might just get a public sub.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Kaiser rolls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's what I was thinking about. Ham and cheese on them, a little mayo and mustard, maybe a pickle. Who knows?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's refreshing. Oh, when I sit down, definitely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, man, I love it. Fill me up. Make me your jelly donut. It shouldn't be red. Oh, you're right. Boston cream pie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Man, there is no more room in my body. The skin is tight. The skin is tight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And today, the story we're going to be covering, the Black Dahlia murder, the most vicious crime to hit Los Angeles since the babes of Inglewood in 1937.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Finally, this is how he keeps his pants up, people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I appreciate you not sending me the pictures, by the way. I'll send them to you later.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I didn't realize her organs were missing. Some of them. Really? Did they ever find them? No. So they might have been sold. Maybe they weren't doing that all the way back there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No, they weren't sold. No, no, they weren't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm just trying to make some money here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Hey! Now, it was immediately obvious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, man, be super sad about that one. Fucking leave those hands on your face in shame for the rest of the fucking episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I feel like it used to be everywhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. You ever see, there's an old, I think Sidney Lumet, who's the guy who did Something Like It Hot? I think it was Sidney. Billy Wilder. Billy Wilder. Billy Wilder did a newsreel about the Holocaust, and I watched it, and it's fucking brutal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I didn't have to do it. My dad had to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's the best part.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It implies they're running from the trunk. And the cue ball is so you can throw it at their head. I luckily never had to use it. Today was a good day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
How come you haven't covered it yet?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. Do you think that she wanted to solve it, or is it just a gift that keeps on giving?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, no, I am talking a lot. No, you know, human shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You know, I think you might have to be in our next Saint episode. Yeah, he really might have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Why is that? Yeah, any kind of beauty queen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The background just here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's some girl who's just used to being second best is now cutie of the week waiting for her. Well, that's the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, Cleo was a piece of shit. He was a fucking awful man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So the mom didn't know that her daughter was dead? No idea. And then got this phone call?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's a beauty contest. And you want to know. And I just need to know a couple of questions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
How many sailors did she have sex with back in the day?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Did your daughter have sex with a lot of sailors, man?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that's how they do it. Because one of my legs is shorter than the other one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The tease.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, you're either a prude, a tease, or a slut.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, good. Thank you. You're not going to be alone. You won't be. In memory of Fred Willard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, she just happens to be the last person he was with before he went overseas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We're the best podcast in the world, and we can't get better fucking noisemakers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, he's got the red hair and the freckles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, he's probably real Irish. He's probably a boxer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That is literally what he said. He said, I wanted to see if I still love my wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm actually extremely allergic to period blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Maybe she was just mad because they didn't drive the two hours to Los Angeles and stopped in the middle so we could blatantly try and fuck her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Well, official sighting. Official sighting. At least less. Credible. Credible sighting. And she wasn't killed that night because her body would have been more decomposed, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Like, it would have just been very quick for me. She was like the first suicide girl. Essentially.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So this kind of points to Mafia, probably.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Mine's sick. Happy 600! The goddamn poppers don't work either. Everything's falling apart. I feel like I'm in a dream.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Now, was she big? Would she be able to carry the body?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And what happens to you if you're confessing, Sam? Do you go to jail still? No, they say get out of here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, obstruction of justice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We're going to make them terrifying? Yeah. One of our researchers put it, it's like he wanted to turn them into actual goblins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We're going to talk about some of those sweet men you mentioned earlier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We got Atlanta coming up. It's going to be so much fun. The Coca-Cola Roxy. Big ass space. So come and check us out there. And after that, we got, what's after that? We got Dallas in February. We got the Ryman Auditorium in March.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. Don't let that make you afraid. No. Be free. Like Elizabeth Short. But not just like her. You know, because obviously you don't want the same result. But she was free. And hey, Elizabeth Short, she seems like a really cool person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I would have hired her to be a bartender at my restaurant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Goodbye.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She's 22. When I was 22, my only goal was to stay alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Did you know I pack my ass full of gunpowder just to make my poo-poos more explosive? How? Revolutionary. Welcome to episode 600 of Last Podcast on the Left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I want the neck.