Ed Larson
Appearances
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Three years from now, we're going to be taking air taxis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Well, so many times, I will say that there was a couple times where I was like, you know, I'd get drunk, and you're like, oh, yeah, that's right, drones. And I'd go outside, and I'd start staring at the sky, and I got my star finder out, you know? And I'm like, is that a drone? No, it's a star. Ursa Major, you know, like, sitting there. And then, like, I'm like, oh, that one's two stars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
That's got to be a drone. I was like, oh, no, I'm drunk. I forgot. That's not two stars. I just can't see right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, it's never when Julie's home that I'm looking for drones. It's always like when she's gone too long. Yeah, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
The one thing I will say. I'm going to get sick again this weekend in Atlanta. Be good. I hope you do. We are coming, Atlanta. Last podcast on the left. Coca-Cola Roxy on Saturday night, 7 p.m. Come get stinky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
The drones, I mean, like, all right, so what about, like, the big drones, like Obama's drones, the flying murder robots? His children? His babies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, those drones exist. You know, those things could fly across...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And she's never going to explain it? No. And we're just going to talk about it every once in a while? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
That's a hard thing to see in the middle of the night in a road.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I actually don't know. If I get a voicemail that says it came from this phone number.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, family annihilators don't go to Disney, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
No, there's, it's, yeah, no, what do you do? Do you just take a black cloth and throw a bunch of white out at it and hope that it works?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh, my God. The first thing that comes up is FBI.gov. Oh, Jesus. Amazon. All right. Yeah. Type it in. Type it in Amazon. Can't we get one? Bezos. If anyone's sending me one, it's, oh, fuck ISIS.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
you can buy yeah no you can't buy that you can buy an iraqi no wow you have to make it man did i ever tell you about um so when i did uso on christmas and it was uh it was christmas eve and we're on the base in baghdad doing the show and then there's these two iraqi like super soldiers there watching the show and they were like big and tough and crazy they look totally different because they're iraqi super soldiers and they're just standing like with their arms crossed underneath the fucking hoop and shit
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And I'm sitting there by the chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff. And then after the show, these two guys from the Iraqi military go up to the chairman of Joint Chief of Staff and he reaches it in his pants pocket and he pulls out a crumbled up
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
flag and he hands it to the general and it's an and it's an ice he opens it up and it's an isis flag that he captured yesterday and like that he killed people for and the general said thank you and then general dumford batted motherfucker and then he and then he crumbled it up the general crumbled it up and put it in his pocket and it was like the craziest exchange there was no one no press no one took pictures it was just something i just kind of saw it i was like
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I'm sure they got, you know, I got a bunch of biggest baby shirts at the house. I don't know what to do with it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
We got a bunch of old birds we can't get rid of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Fucking ISIS, man. The sequel to Al-Qaeda. Those fucking pussies. Still around. Still around. What do you think? Is the Taliban, Al-Qaeda, and ISIS, are they connected?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
It's always been good over there, and I don't know why just recently it's getting stirred up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, because there's going to be a lot of divorces this year. I got a feeling.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Did you know that you were going to be a moral barometer for the rest of your life? Yes, he did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Because it looks, I mean, it's clear as day. Trump Tower, it's fucking Cybertruck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It might have even been like someone that he was cheating on his wife with or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
This is reaching across the aisle. I'm going the other way, man. I'm sorry. I'm never getting in one. I've like, if someone pulls up to pick me up in a, in a cyber truck, I'm just gonna be like, you know what? I'm fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
This is the goal. Well, he also, his statement was about, like, the military, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Gobbledygook? I mean, like, it's fucking, it's an epidemic. Well, it's soldiers fucking. What is it like?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
They're out there in VA parking lots killing themselves, trying to make a fucking point just so people talk about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And fucking everyone's just, you know, these people are fucked up. And no one's willing to help them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Well, there was one fun Christmas story I think I would like to bring up on this show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh, no, it's a delight. It's surprisingly fun for the content involved, to be honest with you. Shout out, Lil Dobbs. Lil Hobbs is dead. Lil Hobbs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And he's still posting, too. I moved on. They're still posting old videos of Wally Gator. No, it's like, let go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh yeah, they still never found Wally, did they? No, Wally's dead. There's no way Wally, Wally's too friendly to make it in a Georgia swamp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Well, there's four family annihilators. We didn't even really talk about it. We just, it happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, they really do. Were any of them done by ladies this time?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you know. There's a lot of them. They love it. So anyway, friendlier topic. Thomas Campbell Bowling Von Gates. I love this. This guy is coming from the New York Post. Ensured he was placed on the naughty list and in a jail cell this holiday season after he disrupt two separate Catholic masses within a few hours.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He just walked in yelling, and then he dropped an onion in the aisle as he walked up to the altar. He literally had an onion and treated it like a grenade. Like he's fucking farmer's market Rambo. It's not the only onion I got. I'll go to the back of the store. And then finally someone's like, all right, get him out of here. And they followed him outside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
And then when they followed him outside, he started pelting the man with tangerines. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Or he continues. Seven hours later, he goes to a midnight mass to St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church in Leonardtown. Did you guys miss my catering from last Christmas service I was at? He dumped a bunch of whiskey in the holy water. Here goes a cocktail, seasonal cocktail. And then he threatened parishioners. While he was walking up and down the aisles. You better me?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Did you fucking better me in that truck? And then the parishioners tackled him at the midnight mass. And then he tried to hit several of them with the bottle of liquor. And then they held him on the ground until the sheriff deputies came. And then they took him to St. Mary's Hospital for medical evaluation. Yeah, I'm going to need a look-see. And then his mugshot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He is like straight out of like the cast of Philadelphia. Dude, he really does look sick. He's so happy. He's just like, I did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He probably lost a bet to his other drunk gay friend. And they're like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah. And then he went and he did it and he's like, how'd it go? And he's like, this is what happened. Crushed it. All right. I got notes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I just imagine this is what he eats every meal. Yes. My onions and tangerines.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I remember my mom used to always try to get me to go to Christmas mass and I'd be like, I'll go if you let me boo. And so, like, I'm sure this guy has the same fucking idea. I mean, like, you're alone on Christmas. You hate everything in the world. Oh, he wanted to go. He wanted to do this. You know, the world hates you and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
honestly salute you next year yeah he was charged with second degree assault for throwing tangerines at a man oh he was also trying to hit people with a bottle yeah disorderly conduct defacing religious property religious crime against a group obstructing a religious exercise threat of mass violence and disturbing the peace i didn't know obstructing a religious exercise was a crime
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Little Hobbs' owners, masters, they did a good service.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Because they were stupid. Yeah. That is the song that we have to write for next Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah. Leave Bigfoot alone on Christmas. If there's one day. Also, you can tell neither of these guys are married.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
There's no woman to be like, you're not going outside on Christmas Eve. You don't know what I'm doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He has been on the list for decades. 10 years more than anyone else on the death list.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
He did. Yeah, because he got really sick. He got really sick, and he's been going too hard, and I can see him now just settling down and winding down his life. I can see that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I think Tyson can go this year, yeah. Eddie Redmayne. He looks very healthy. Eddie Redmayne's going to live to at least 2035.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, the Vera Drake drinking game. Every time she says, drop your knickers, you have to drink. Yeah. We did that in college. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we found out one of the people we were playing with recently had an abortion. She loved it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Just go, oh my God, don't you leave. Stay away. Stay away from me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
I wonder if, like, the vet, like, takes pride that they put down a famous dog. Oh, they should have the list.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, or like it'd get really hot in the house. Yeah, that's right. I forgot about that. And you open the back door and it just led to nowhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
That shit's crazy. And then I was back visiting Tallahassee and then I was driving past the house and it had burned down again. Weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
E.T. 's brown as hell. He's fake. Yeah, but he's cool. You're right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Now, that's so fucked up, though. He didn't say what the alien said. That's the most important part of the story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Thursday... That's right. This Thursday, Hoopa Goo Goo, the HGX2, coming to the LPN Twitch channel at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern. We got Jared Logan judging this week. Love him. It's going to be amazing. I'm very excited for the show. I love Hoopa Goo Goo, our first one of 2025, the year that it all takes place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Dallas, Nashville, Detroit, Toronto, and more to come. Yeah, baby. We got some side story shows that are going to be announced soon. Oh, yeah. I'm excited. We got a bunch of stuff coming down the pipe. Y'all fucking love it. I'm sorry about Christmas that I got sick twice. We are going to make it up next year. Yeah, we are going to. Or, you know, we'll find another. We'll replace that date.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'll replace that date sooner than Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. We had to cancel that. That was a big... The LPN Funhouse gave us COVID. Yes. And that's what happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Man, I think it's targeted at me. And I started like, it's just some old lady that puts a hat on their pit bull, and she drives it around, and she's like... Hey, Norbert, want some ice cream? Want some ice cream, Norbert? And Norbert's just sitting there, like, not even paying attention or knowing what's happening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Oh, absolutely. And that is the worst. And Sunday the Black Lab, she's retired now. They said that she's not dead. But she's hot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Yeah, no, it is interesting how pathetic you can get when you're very sick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
The dog is a bitch. And there's the calendars I bought when we have one up in my house. It's not too late to get your Miss Sunday calendars. Go out there to Miss Sunday the Black Lab. But she dresses sometimes. She dresses like a bus driver. I can't believe this. And then other times she dresses like she works at the DMV. That's very cute. I love Miss Sunday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Well, you can't keep those above ground. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Crimes
Why? Oh, because you're going to be just like them. No. You're keeping it a secret. No. You're not telling anyone about nothing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
He wanted people to be enamored with him. And so they're all cast girls. They're all little girls, Cass. What is more enamoring than the movement of a little girl? Nothing is more, nothing makes me more filled with amor. Nobody has ever said they want to fuck with those counter-aliens. I am deeply, deeply attracted to the movement of a little girl.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Jacques Vallée actually was the first person to sing that song. And also, Spielberg, we got to mention War of the Worlds. I think that War of the Worlds, we talked about this right before we started recording, is a sleeper fantastic movie. I really like it, but I think that it lost its cock at the end of the movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
There should be more kids need to die in films. I've talked about this. Kill the child. Raise the stakes. Let the kids know that if you fuck up, you die in the film. You're dead. You're dead, dude. All right, Tom Cruise is not coming back. He's five foot two. He's not going to protect you. All right? He doesn't care.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
He's out there looking for a dick to suck, but he's not here to protect you, little boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
No, I'm working on, well, Predator, I mean, well, first of all, we talked about Arrival. Let's go to, let's talk about Arrival. Sure. That's the first contact film. Yeah. Well, I'd almost say it's his own genre itself, even amongst aliens. Then let's go back even further. Alien abduction versus alien invasion versus alien contact.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Alien invasion are action movies. And alien contacts are kind of like drama. That's actually really, that's a very good breakdown.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's a very, very good breakdown because it's true. All the alien abduction movies, Dark Skies, Fire in the Sky, there's a communion. They all have an edge of the horror to it, which is the truth of being space raped.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
We know these things. But abductions are also, I'm trying to think of like, my mind, I'm trying to think of a, you know what's a positive alien abduction movie? What? Cocoon. Cocoon. Cocoon? Well, do they get abducted? Well, sort of. That's an invasion. They come and they put the eggs in the pool. Are they all aliens at the time? I don't remember Cocoon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You can't find this movie now, by the way. Really? It's out of print, and it's not streaming anywhere. Really? Why? Apparently, it's, like, selling very high on eBay. What?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It was a Ron Howard movie that's, it's like a forgotten classic, I guess. I mean, look at the fucking cast. Like, I know that, you guys don't know, if you're younger than the age of 35. The boot and the goot, I mean, get me there. Dude, if you're younger than the age of 35, there used to be a thing called character actors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And what they used to do is they used to have people that looked like people you'd meet on the street, but they'd be actors. And they'd be in things. And one of those things. But now we just don't get jobs. They just don't, well, they just don't, they're either, you either have to be deformed. Yes. Or you have to. And they're only going to make so many mask movies. There's only so many.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You get one fat girl movie a year. Yeah, that's all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
If you don't get that, well, you're shit out of luck. Sorry about it. We already put a fat one in. And so this one had, you know who's huge is Don Amici. Don Amici is an amazing character actor. I believe was also in Batteries Not Included. I think he was. Batteries Not Included was an amazing movie. Not an alien movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You know what I've heard? Actually, uteruses do come from Venus. Yeah? They plop down in the water. The first woman crawled out of the Indian Ocean, this is true, as just a uterus with fins. Interesting. And then slowly but surely, those fins... turned into tits, that turned into a head. The most important parts, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
What I think is important when we talk about this dumb stuff, right, like we're sitting here partially, it's obviously we're having fun on the show and we like talking about movies, but it really is important, I think, to filmmakers. And I've heard this said in filmmaking class, which is the idea of know your genre. It doesn't matter what...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Anybody else thinks about the movie if you know what the genre of the movie is as the maker. And so that perspective changes everything. And it really requires, I think, unfortunately, the real education of a filmmaker is watching movies and identifying what are the telltale signs of very specific genres. Because then what you can do is, if you're a really good filmmaker, you can manipulate...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
the traditional chapters of a genre film to tell stories. But it's important to know those very traditional chapters. And that they are very distinct versions of movies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And it's funny until you start to really pick them all apart to see like, there really is entire veins of, you could see producers in the 80s saying, having kind of dumb ass conversations like this that are actually extremely important to the art. Absolutely. Alien movies are very deep. They're way deeper than you think they are. Oh, yeah. For sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
A lot of times they reflect society, which I think is really fucking cool. Well, that's also the best part of horror and genre. I feel like horror as a genre is one of the best. Same thing with sci-fi. Sci-fi and horror are such a great, entertaining way to deliver ideas as well, especially sci-fi. Sci-fi is like, that's why in the end I love sci-fi.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
because it delivers cool concepts in an entertaining way. District 9 is kind of about apartheid. Very much so.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I feel like that movie, I hear a lot of people say they don't like it. No, it's because he lost the poll. I think the director himself kind of lost it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
But the rest of his movies were not for Alicia. I love Chappie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I have seen it multiple times. But for me, Chappie ruined that for me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
There's a sequel coming. Of Chappie? Chappie. District 9. We've been working on it for like 10 years. Yeah, District 69.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I want to bring up a movie that it was one of the first movies I thought of when you said alien movies. And it was one of my favorites as a child. And that was Purple People Eater.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You got the ute, and then you got the boot, which is the butt, and then the head, and then the tits. Oh, so tits are fourth and fifth? All together at once. This is not what today's episode is about. It could be. Today's episode is about... I'll talk about utes and boots if you want to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I have friends that do it in, like they do it regularly. Yeah, it sounds like a blast. I've never really done it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You know, I think that... I wonder what it is. Maybe let's ask this question because I wonder if, again, if you're younger than 30, if you've experienced this, where when we were growing up, I remember being vaguely traumatized by certain films when I was a kid that now I look at are not... they're not scary. Right. Well, you didn't have restrictions on you, right? You could watch anything?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Semi-sorta. I mean, like, but it was the stuff that was interesting. It was the stuff like... Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
You know what was mine? It was the opening sequence from Amazing Stories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
the opening sequence from Amazing Stories that was the Steven Spielberg basically Twilight Zone rip off that was truly play this for some reason it still brings chills to my fucking spine for some reason the song of it does is that just no this is a sexy scene this is a clip because it's a remember that when he got the ring he buys the ring from the pawn shop and it's Danny DeVito and Real Perlman yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It freaks me out. It literally makes all the hairs on the back of my neck. It shows you... This is like Spaceship Earth. It is. It shows you the evolution of storytelling. Something about the music and about the caveman being lost in the dark and then the top hat. The top hat and magic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Tell me about it. That's my new store. That's my new Western gear store. Uten and Booten, everybody. If you're Uten, you better take a Booten. Yes. We are actually going to. Uten is what women should call just living. Yeah. We are talking about alien movies today. Every day I'm Uten and Uten and Uten.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I don't like their lying. Life isn't an illusion. Life is real, magician man. I gotta watch this. I haven't seen this legitimately since I was a child. Amazing Stories really holds up. Yeah? I've watched a fuck ton of it recently. So does the Twilight Zone movie. Oh, yeah. Except for the murder he committed. It's actually a perfect movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
That is going to get... They were being fast and loose with some rules.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Unfortunately, it's just the idea that movies are supposed to be just so important that it doesn't matter what happens to anybody involved. That's one of those things that I'll always sort of like... There's a bitter taste in my mouth because it led to the Russ stuff and it led to the Allman Brothers stuff with Sarah Brown and Sarah Jones.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And it led to all that stuff where it's like that idea that, you know, we need to be so thankful to be in this place. industry yeah that we can die for it but accidents do happen on any job i agree i agree it was mostly just everybody but he's saying like a line cook's never been dead you know like it's like well most of the time a line cook is killed by a next girlfriend or someone else on staff
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Well, I got technically Alien Romulus was fine. I really liked it. I liked it better than Prometheus. No, of course. I thought that was fine. I saw that one. And then is Dune an alien movie? No. No, Dune's in the Star Trek genre of it. I mean, it's a fantasy. Have you ever seen Sputnik? No. Sputnik is a very good alien horror film.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Very, very good. And there was another one about, remember that the moon's dangerous? The one where they go up on the moon. I want to say it's Apollo 19. They made it a couple years ago. Yes, Apollo 19. They go to the moon. I don't know that one. They go to the moon, and it turns out the moon's got bugs on it. It's got evil bugs on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's Apollo something. That's another one of the more recent ones.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Pretty much so. That Quiet Place prequel, whatever that other one was, was hot garbage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Do you know how many movies came out in a row about being quiet? Yeah. There was like five movies in a row about being quiet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And that is our be quiet film movie genre episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
The reason why we're talking about alien movies is because we're headed towards contact in the desert. And we love film here. We've talked about film several times as a triptych. And I think that Eddie brought this up. I think it's good to talk about alien movies because I think even amongst sci-fi films within the sci-fi genre, you would call the alien film its own genre. part of the genre.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
What do you like about the quiet place? No cokeheads. Sad. Yeah, man. They're not tweaking out loud enough. But also, Cloverfield Lane. 10 Cloverfield Lane is fucking awesome. Yes, it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I would put it as a, you know what's funny? It's in the be quiet movie category.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's in the be quiet movie category. Unfortunately, that's a whole other thing. Everybody's got to be quiet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I mean, I want Lois Lane getting her pussy eaten out by the super dog. I want the fucking. I mean, that's a lot. I want Superman fucking having sex with the Green Lantern. Yeah. Giving himself four butts. Yeah. That's the only way I'm watching these movies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I got halfway through it. I'm enjoying it, but it is a little silly. It's dated for sure. The Christopher Walken thing, it is quite dated. The aliens are definitely puppets. There is a weird thing with Christopher Walken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
What is the most accurate movie about alien invasions or something like that that you would think of? I personally think the most accurate... is I love Arrival. Okay. I love the idea of something truly alien that it is very difficult for us to understand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I think that's a part of what the main issue is, is that we expect these things to show up and we'd even recognize them. Yes. And then Communion, you'd probably close to put the most directly, like, consulted by somebody that was abducted by aliens. Mm-hmm. So I guess technically you would say it would have to be the most accurate because the guy that wrote it was abducted by aliens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Fire in the Sky. Fire in the Sky had a lot of liberties. I don't know if Travis Walton necessarily was even involved with the making of Fire in the Sky. Because it's based off of the book. I believe that he was more inspired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Oh, he's in it. He's in the movie. He's in the movie, but I don't know if he contributes. He makes a cameo, so I think he's...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
When we saw him speak in Contact in the Desert, he showed scenes from the film.
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Yeah, I do. You know, it's hard because in my mind I still believe that there's way more of a psychic component to the whole thing. I think that the idea of the entire scenario being kind of wrapped up in one movie is actually quite difficult. Yeah. I think Close Encounters might be the most accurate. Sure. Because it's got the orbs.
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It's got a lot of things that are taken straight from people's experiences. Oh, yes. And then the idea of feeling like you're special, like you're being spoken to, like you got chose. Richard Dreyfuss was chosen in that film. A lot of times people talk about abduction scenarios going on. When people that have been abducted that remember past a certain age, they then kind of go into either...
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Yeah, they lean into horror. Sometimes. Sometimes, exactly. Sometimes they lean into discovery. Because for me, the gamut of alien movies goes from Closer Encounters of the Third Kind to Alien to things like Mac and Me. Oh yeah, for sure. What was the one with the other one with the guy Gossett Jr. ? Oh, Enemy Mine. Enemy Mine. Enemy Mine. Another good alien movie.
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some form of regression therapy or something where then they begin to think that they're, or maybe come to realize that they have been getting abducted since they were a kid.
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So that would also reflect that. And then I do think it's Mac and Me.
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Because it has to have a butthole for a mouth. Yes. You know what other one I like a lot? Contact. Contact is a very emotional movie.
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Yeah. I love the Jake Busey character. He's terrifying to me. And, you know, it's just sad. Do you think Jake Busey, like, frightens his family and his friends?
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Do you see that Gary Busey's grandson has a band? It's a one-man band that he does fake rave music with. Oh, so he's not, like, playing the accordion or anything?
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No, it's some other child's because the guy's too old. Oh, okay. But yeah, I mean, that's nothing to do with what we're talking about. No. Gary Busey could be an alien. Yeah, he definitely could have.
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Now we know about aliens more than ever. They are probably, if they are somehow based on the planet earth, they probably are coming from the water. Yes, okay. That makes sense. Wow, Sphere. I haven't thought about Sphere in a long time. I loved the movie Sphere. I saw this in the theater and I remember really not liking it. Really?
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Okay, fair enough. I have two more esoteric choices that I absolutely love. Oh, yeah? Annihilation. I love Annihilation.
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I would see that again. Yeah, no, definitely, you know, biggest joint you can roll. Oh, yeah. You know, way better than Paul. I hate Paul. Paul sucked. Right? Yeah, Paul was garbage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seth MacFarlane's not good at movies. He's not, is he? No. Although I am very excited for the new Naked Gun. I'll see it. I'll see it. We'll see.
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You know, but with annihilation, you know what annihilation is. Annihilation is essentially a retrofitting of Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. And same thing as Apocalypse Now. It's all about traveling into a thing. Technically also annihilation borrows a lot from a sci-fi author by the name of J.G. Ballard, who wrote a book called The Crystal World that is just like this.
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It's just this like a weird force has arrived. It's changing a part of this one part of the country. Scientists are arriving in there to try to figure it out.
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I didn't say there's something about the travel in. No one saw Annihilation.
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Alex Garland. Same guy who did, is that Ex Machina or no? Yeah.
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That's the new Iraq War. Yeah, it's the new Iraq War movie. It's good. Is it funny? Yeah, it's hilarious.
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It takes place in real time. Oh, wow. It's very good. But it's not funny.
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They're putting Michael Gandolfini in more things. He was good.
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It's fucking weird. Stargazer. Or Starman. Starman. Yeah. Which is great. Man who fell to the world.
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Pitch Black and Signs. Don't like either one of them. You know, Pitch Black is funny because that's a Vin Diesel effort outside of Triple X that I actually kind of like. Because nowadays, you know what's funny about those style of, like... this genre is that at this point, because of the superhero genre, it makes these movies look way better. Okay.
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Without the superhero... If you got rid of the superhero genre... It does take place in space, so I'm going against my own bullshit here. But if you got rid of the superhero genre, we would still be bagging on these movies, but because superhero movies are such a waste of everybody's time and such a waste of the economy and money and shit, these movies you just showed that, like, look at this.
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Like, this was made for, like, $25 million. How much you...
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Yeah. Yeah, I fucking can't stand them. I think Thunderbolts is going to be great. The problem with the movies, my main issue truly is just that I'm not going to watch 10 movies to watch one movie. You don't have to. Yes, you do. They make them for idiot proof. No, but then that's the problem is that now I'm watching them as an idiot and I've done this.
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I've tried to watch them out of sequence and then I watch one that I'm sort of vaguely interested in and they have all these references to a bunch of shit that I couldn't possibly give a fuck about and And it's all this other stuff where it's like, just make this one movie and I would have bought a ticket to it. If it was just one standalone film, I could just watch the movie.
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That's why I watch movies and I hate television series. I don't watch television series because guess what? They never end. They just fucking keep going. You really don't watch it. I don't like TV that much, but I do watch some of it. You watch none of it. I watch none. I watch trash TV. I watch trash reality TV, documentaries. I watch my drag race. I watch my, I got Project Runways coming back.
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And then I watch movies. See, I watch none of that, and I watch some actual TV. Yeah, every time I watch a TV, I don't like it. You're such a fucking coward. I just don't like it. It's not for me. I hate the thing, too. You know what I really, really fucking hate? What I really fucking hate is when somebody does this thing.
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He opened this. Yeah, what do you hate? It's just there's too many storylines all at once. And everybody, it's just like, I don't care. You love Twin Peaks. You know what's proof that Henry doesn't like TV shows? You hate the Dune show. I'm not allowed to... We have to cut that. Because we do a series of ads for it. We'll have to cut it. We do ads for Marvel movies.
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Marvel movies, they don't even hear what we say. They have no idea what we say. We love them. We love them. No, I... You know what it is about them? I guess it's like, I don't mean to be that butthurt about it. It's just like, I feel like you could probably... Like, I'm watching our friend, Ryan Coogler...
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I'm watching him get run over the coals in the trades, all bagging him for his money, how little, quote-unquote, how much money that show was supposed to make sinners and shit. It's killing it. It's an R-rated movie that's number one in the box office two weeks in a row. For a couple weeks. Yeah, dude, but they're comparing it
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to the everyone in China is seeing the new Marvel movie money that they have to make. These Marvel movies have to make hundreds of millions, almost a billion dollars just to break even. And it is killing people.
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us it is killing the entire industry well it's bringing back into independent film no it's not yet because they're all dogging on the independent films that sort of do well sinners is not an independent film they are you that's how fucked shit is eddie but that's how shit that's how fucked shit is right now eddie that's viewed as a scrappy movie that might just make it and it's like they're
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It's a fucking huge tentpole horror summer film, you morons. There's two Michael B. Jordans in it. It just gets to a point where it's like, how much money are we all supposed to make?
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No, I love Sinners. I'm just saying that that's kind of what we're, that's what the Marvel and superhero movies do is set up this like truly unmatchable amount of money. Yeah. Yeah. That everybody has to make. Yeah. And it has to be palatable to any person with half an eyeball. Yeah. That can arrive to see it. And they're shitting on him like he didn't make two of the biggest movies ever made.
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He's just, he just made, he made a superhero. He did one for you guys. Yeah. He made Black Panther, guys. And everyone, and everyone's trashing the fact that he got this deal where he owns it after 25 years.
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When Tarantino got the deal. Everybody, it is nothing uncommon. Everybody's just trying to hurt this man. Yes. They're trying to hurt the man. They're trying to hurt the work. And there's no fucking reason for it.
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You know what one I had to get over my penis to enjoy? What? Under the Skin. I never saw it. Under the Skin, when I first saw it, I was just like, it's good, it's good, let's do it. It's just poopies in it. And then now, as an adult, I watch it, and I realize it's actually quite good. Yes. It's quite haunting. Yes. It's actually very, very, very good.
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And I want to say it's probably ScarJo's best movie. I didn't even know it was an alien film. Yes. It's an alien movie. Until I started researching this episode. It's ScarJo's best movie outside of her, where she's not in it.
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Yeah. You know, Melancholia is a cool movie. That's a very interesting movie. It's got Deer Hunter vibes to it. It does. It's sad.
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It's very sad, but I like that movie. And it's got, you know, Kate Winslet's boobies. No, not Kate Winslet. The other one. Kirsten Dunst. Kirsten Dunst. But they're sad boobies. But they're sad boobies, yeah. That's the thing. I always kind of felt like that. Is Under the Skin sad boobies? Yeah. You know what's also funny, too, is that as a kid, too, like, I remember doing that.
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You ever just, like, okay... Jackie, you're not here. You ever do the thing where... I am here. I need everyone to know I am still here. Where you have to thumb through an extremely sad movie just to see tits as a little boy? Oh, I mean, yes. That was a big part of my childhood. I was flipping through the piano.
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Oh, man. She's so beautiful. Yeah, she is. She's really just a classic, beautiful woman. She just cry, cry, cries. I watched The Firm the other day. Guess what, man? No fucking piano in it either. There's no piano in that movie? This is my thing. You call that movie the piano.
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Listen to me, Eddie. Not one Jerry Lee Lewis song. Oh, my God.
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Meteor Man! Meteor Man. That's not a superhero movie.
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There's no game. It's just crying. Yeah. Man, that would be so cool. The piano. The piano, too. Ragtime. I think she's a deaf woman. It says there is a piano in the piano. Yeah, there's like a piano in it. Yeah, she's mute. She's mute? Oh, does she talk through a piano? Well, she does the thing where she's like, she tries to marry the piano. I don't know.
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Have you ever played the piano game with a girl where you press on her clit until she starts doing the chopsticks thing? But you do it with your feet like Tom Hanks? Yeah, my heels.
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Oh, yeah. Don't forget. But we are talking about alien movies. There's a whole genre of child trapped inside adult's body having sex with adult. Different episodes. There's many of those films.
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is incredible in that movie great i really love slither you know what's one that i forgot about that i was reminded by i mean and it is it's a major one it's just one of those that doesn't come about because it's the type of movie you don't see as much anymore the blob oh the 80s blob yes is one of kevin dylan i love that movie and the idea of there used to be a lot more movies about just a big thing
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You know, like, there was, like, ants. Remember Them?
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Meteor Man's fun, but Pluto Nash can go fuck. Yeah, Pluto Nash can suck my dick. Yes, but Meteor Man is great. So you decided, of all of the films in the history of film, you went back and picked Meteor Man. I love Meteor Man. Is he an alien?
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With the ants? It's, like, very interesting. It's actually kind of an interesting movie. There was also the other movies. Wasn't there one about, like... There's Killer Bee ones. Yes, and there's one about caterpillars, I think. Caterpillars. I don't know. Not ants. Not Ants the film. Yeah, Ants the film. Ants the film, which I think is technically the last... Sylvester Stallone, Woody Allen movie.
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The last Sylvester Stallone, Woody Allen film that we'll ever get. Yes, that's the last one we'll ever get. I don't think there'll be more. Yeah, there are two. There's an Ants 2? No, two Sylvester Stallone, Woody Allen movies because he's in any hole. He's one of the guys that robs him on the train. That's so funny.
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Wow. Robbing him on a train. No shit. Or is it bananas? It's one of the other ones. He's in, Stallone is in. Those are the ones of his I've seen the least. Yeah. But regardless, we're not doing that. No, no, we're not doing canceled director's films. Yeah, we're not doing aliens. We're doing aliens. We're going to do another one where we do canceled director's films. Okay, good.
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I can't wait for that. Oh, wow. That's going to be great. I'll get into that. I'll tuck in.
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It's good. Oh, that's Chinatown. It's a great movie, man. Guess who didn't like it? My wife. She was extremely upset by that film. What? I don't know. I was like, because in the end, at the very end of the movie, she was just like, that's it? It's Chinatown. It's Chinatown. I was like, yeah, baby. It's Chinatown.
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He did Star Wars, but that's all done now. He then got upset about, then he got mad about his treatment during Star Wars. Oh, okay.
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Pacific Rim. He was in Pacific Rim. Oh, they're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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They were okay, those movies. Man, that second Pacific Rim was so bad. You know, I find them entertaining. I like the first one we saw together. It was a lot of fun. Truly, anything that's not some form of IP, sign me up. I just, I'm looking, I'm desperate for new IP.
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Like, give me another, I don't care. Bring Triple X back. I know no one likes XXX, but I'll see more XXX movies. I watched five Final Destination movies in a row at home because I was sick. I watched all the movies in a row. That's great. Didn't you love them even more as they went on? They're terrible.
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But what's nice about them is that they're... It's not, I'm not being spoon-fed things that I need to purchase.
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No, there's a bunch of really, really bad ones.
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Yes, it's by Richard Stanley, the guy that did Island of Dr. Moreau. Okay. That was the failed, was considered to be the failed Island of Dr. Moreau. I still enjoy it. I love that movie. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, an undiscovered classic of his in the sci-fi genre, Hardware, which is actually quite good, and the Dust Devil. I've seen all of his films for some reason.
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Is that I need multiple. I need the other guys from Wakanda arriving and they're fucking having fun. And they're kissing and they're sucking and they're fucking. Everybody's kissing. I think that also it's like if Spider-Man had a hole in the suit and he could shoot webs out of his penis.
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Dust Devil's really strange. It's like an erotic horror thriller that he kind of... After the success of Hardware, he was kind of allowed... Again, this is one of those things, you still give great deals to filmmakers all the time. He just got this kind of like, all right, now you make... dreams desire.
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And then he made this kind of weird wizard desert sex movie and everyone's like, oh, this is bad. But it's quite, I liked it.
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Oh, Bad Taste is a part of the Peter Jackson. Oh, yeah. You know, Peter Jackson, those early movies, they mean a lot to me. They're not good, but they're important to watch. Yes, they're not bad. His best work, but they are like... Dead Alive is. I love Dead Alive.
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What does it mean to you? What do the movies mean to you? I think that that's like what we sort of miss sometimes in the age of like, I think that's also part of why I have to examine my anger. And when I get angry, like you heard me earlier, I got angry. And then a lot of times what my therapist tells me to do is to stop and think about like, where is it coming from?
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And the anger a lot of times for me comes from a deep sadness. And I think part of where the sadness comes from sometimes is that when you are making work on such a level where you're putting out 10 episodes of a series at once and the idea of binge viewing and binge content making and binge like all of this concept, you begin to lose.
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Like, I guess that's one of my main issues is that with the new influx of all the content. is that they all blend together. And then part of me then thinks like, these are people, each one of these television shows is a year out of those people's lives that you consume in six hours. And then you're like, next! And then I feel like it does get to a point where you're like, the movies used to...
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For me, these movies meant something. Like, even the bad ones meant something.
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I understand. They get to really be a part of the character for a very long time. But that's if the writing is good. Yes. And Killer Clowns from Outer Space is how we're ending this whole fucking game because it's the best one of all.
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I really love Killer Clowns. I totally understand digging into it as an actor, but again, I'm the audience member. I'm not the actor.
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I'm trying to watch it. And I get sad because I feel like a lot of people's work gets overlooked. And I think that people spend a lot of time and then their work is harshly judged and quickly judged and it's flushed on the toilet. Yeah.
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And it makes me angry because I feel like more people should understand what goes into the stuff that they watch.
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They're the first movies where women and people of color are the leads. No, sci-fi was a sci-fi... means the world to me because of that. Because I'll always remember when I first got into reading sci-fi and watching these movies was when we moved really from New York to Florida. Same thing. So it was an escape. I was alone. And there was something about connecting to something else that felt...
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Think about how free the flying purple people eater monster was. So free. The last bout of freedom that anyone's ever had. Didn't have to wear any clothes.
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Stitch is an alien. He came from outer space.
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But I'm just saying, guys, no, no, no. We immediately went off the rails here.
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Monsters. Well, this has been wonderful. This really has been. Can we write down all the potential episodes that we're going to do? We'll definitely do the Be Quiet films. Yeah, I like that. Canceled Directors films. Love it. I think Canceled Directors films is going to be important for us. Oh, absolutely. People really want us to do that. Oh, yeah. They really want us to examine.
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Scream it and really give them opportunities to rent them. I want to give you my definitive Woody Allen watch list. Yay. I'll tell you what to watch. His front door. Make sure he stays inside.
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Because if it's going to be alien, if it's going to be... No Star Wars, no Star Trek. No, I don't care about those.
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Oh, Woody Allen. You know, he's done. He'll be dead soon. This is great. Make sure you watch and listen to Good Pud. Please do. The funniest show on the network by far. We are going to be doing, you'll see, a revamp of Good Pud. We have a bit of a special coming up for you very, very soon. We certainly do. I hope you enjoy because we definitely enjoyed making it.
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And we are going to, and then Hoopagoo is going to be coming in. We're doing Hoop soon. Yes, absolutely. We're going to be pausing live streams, but then we're going to be coming back out with a whole season of Hoopa Goo Goo.
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So come check it out. And we are prepared. We have our material. Jackie's doing 25 minutes up top.
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And it's all about abortion. Yeah, of course. Yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun.
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And that's where Jackie will be doing her full hour on her portion. And that's when she's going to come up, mostly be talking. We're not going to be talking.
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At the top of my legs. Eggs are in my hole in here.
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And he may not be doing comedy, but he is going to be drinking hard.
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Please go see his show on Mother's Day. Please just go see any show on Mother's Day.
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That's all he's asking for. Bring your mother to his show on Mother's Day on Key West. They like me. Come on. Moms love me. They do. Come on. He's allowed to eat pussy on the island. All right, y'all. This has been Side Stories. Hail Satan. Goodbye, everyone.
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But he's also technically a federal employee.
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He works for the Brits. He's not an American citizen. No, he's a British spy. Yeah, but he never swears in. But most of the movies take place in London. Yeah. Oh, Jolio.
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She can tell the fat content goes up in her blood when she gets the rosacea.
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This is the thing. Again, we were trying to say no Star Wars either. I think Spaceballs is out. Yes. Okay.
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Actually, how about this? Movies that take place in outer space are out.
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It still is an alien-centered film. I would say Mom and Dad Save the World is an alien-centered film. That is an alien movie. They're on an alien land. And part of it's on Earth. And part of it's on Earth. And they go up there that has the, what was it, the child molester and the other guy who was a woman in that? Yeah, Chester Chester. Chester Chester? Child molester. Child molester.
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Yeah, he doesn't shoot webs. No, but it comes on magically. The suit comes on magically, and he's got a hat. I think if he could shoot webs out of the wrist of his suit, then he could shoot webs out of the cock of his suit. But he doesn't ever because everybody's leaving money on the table.
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R.I.P. And so I typed in alien film, and this is what comes up. Contact, Starman, E.T. Yes. Galaxy Quest. Sure. Makes sense. Galaxy Quest, I don't count. Why? Because it's in space. They don't ever go to Earth. I mean, I do sort of, I see what he's saying. It's like a fantasy film. I think it's more like Lord of the Rings than E.T. But it's still about aliens. And what about Alien?
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Because Alien does take place on the Nostromo.
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You know what makes it an Alien movie? It's all humans versus aliens. Sure. I can actually see that, too. I feel the same way with the species. Ooh, yeah. Yeah, species. Species is fun. I mean, that's on Earth. Spicy. Yeah, yeah. Good fuck movie. Good fuck movie. Where's my good old-fashioned?
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fuck movie that's not the baby girl yeah baby girl sucks natalie and i tried to watch it and you're both had the opposite no it's not we had the i had the opposite effect no i think it was very demeaning to women and we'll get into it on a different podcast yeah on the immigrant podcast i would love to have a kink conversation with both of you no it's not demeaning it's all it's
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If she was completely independent, she could have sex with a vacuum cleaner.
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No, it's because they're weak and they're stupid, and it's why superhero movies are never going to properly cut the mustard. Somebody's upset. I'm not upset. Sounds like you're upset. No, this is me having fun. This is you having fun? I'm scared of your fun. You should be. You should be because my fun doesn't leave any stone unturned. My fun does not leave any bridge unburnt.
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I haven't seen somebody take a sandwich like that since my mom.
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Well, think about the fact that Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey, and I believe Damon Wayans.
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Or the three aliens in that movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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That's pretty cool. That was stacked because I went about the time they did Once Bitten. But you know what? To be honest, I am not a fan of the 80s screwball sex comedy. I am kind of over it. Earth Girls Are Easy is very much a screwball sex comedy more than anything else. Oh, yeah. Because I want my alien movies, for the most part, to have a touch of, like, you can go to fantasy.
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Like, Flight of the Navigator. Great. I love Flight of the Navigator because it both is an adventure film. I like all Florida movies. All, sure. But it's also this, it has a touch of why we're making a movie about an alien, which is we're introducing another way of thinking. We're expanding our experience in a way that we would never be able to get on our own.
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And so there's something about Flight of the Navigator that to me is one of those. That's a good example of the difference between that and Earth Girls Are Easy, which is just to see Geena Davis with no bra on. Of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's just all I remember. All 80s child movies back in the day had a wonderful sense of what it actually was like to be a kid. Which is sad. Which is dangerous. Yeah. And scary.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
They would allow things to be sad. They would allow things to be scary for kids. Unlike now where they're not allowed to feel any emotion. So they are now obviously everything's all saccharine and everything's all about everything's fine or whatever. Yeah. But it's like, this stuff is like, it's nice. You just remember this because it felt like, because the kid was genuinely on his own.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
It's called nostalgia. It's got E.T. It's got the E.T. vibe. It's got the Mac and me vibe where you become friends and someone wants to steal your friend. And one of my hardest things about, like, truly about E.T., which I'll always kind of like... I am... thankful that they have gone ahead and, I guess, re-put the guns back in. Yes. I believe that they did that. You can watch either version.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
When they took the guns out of the movie, in the end, Spielberg went back. He wanted to make sure it was good for kids or whatever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
They did a sheen over it. It was really funny. Did he show his little legs?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Yeah, no, E.T., but yeah, they re-released it, but now you can watch the older version if you get your hands on it, I believe. But E.T. is like, I still very much, obviously, I like things. E.T. is an unbelievable film. Now, how about this? E.T. or Close Encounters? Close Encounters. Close Encounters. Every time. Yeah. I think I go E.T. actually. Really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Exactly. Because we are talking about movies about aliens today. Welcome to Side Stories. Yes. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Edward Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
I think Close Encounters is like if you're like Henry and you're a bigger fan of aliens in general, it's got the lore. All of it. It's got the research. Also the idea that maybe Spielberg, like this is where I love the conspiracy edge too because Spielberg At the time, he had government consultants working on that movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Jacques Vallée, who was obviously one of my favorite theoreticians, my favorite alien thinkers, he was also a consultant on the movie. He's portrayed as a character within the movie. The French guy in Close Encounters of the Third Kind is based off of that guy. And so Spielberg technically was told many times that this was like, that's why there's a lot of conspiracy theories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Was the ship in the desert something that actually happened? No, but the idea of the U.S. government coming up with a communication protocol to talk with something that doesn't speak is actually, I guess, like part of the government research he got. that he slipped into the movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Like what happens in Arrival that that's what... Basically, the idea of using tones, like when he does the whole talking to the aliens, that came from a government concept of if we are approached by another species or something from outer space, how do we communicate? And so that is what's awesome. That's what's awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
And then I feel like that's almost Steven Spielberg's crowning achievement is Close Encounters of the Third Kind. And it's just, the end's beautiful. It's wonderful. It is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Movie Stories III
Really good. Thank you. I've been working on it. You got us all sick. We're all dying here. And we're also sitting here with my fetid, strange, little DNA runoff, Jackie Zebrowski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
He's available. He's old as hell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
What they're called now? Yes, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
That's all you get. Get over it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
You want to look like a hummel, you can fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
A lot of times it's not about direct attacks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
I find out exactly where he lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
It's pornographic Nazi exploitation books.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Yes, hate all of it. They're so annoying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Nope. We are ready to celebrate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
We're going to do a show there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
Today is Saturday, March 1st, 2025. This is my first of probably many recordings on a series that I'm starting. I am a legal advocate. I am a researcher. I've been in the legal field since 2011. And in this capacity, I feel that it's necessary if I'm going to continue to operate appropriately as a legal advocate that I start to advocate for myself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
And also advocate for my daughter. For those of you who don't know, my name is Casey Anthony. My daughter is Kaylee Anthony. My parents are George and Cindy Anthony. This is not about them. This is not in response to anything that they have said or done. That's not to say that I'm not going to respond at some point to some of the things that they have said and done.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate
The whole point of this is for me to begin to reintroduce myself. I'm doing this both personally for me, but in a professional capacity. Moving forward, the majority of what you will see will be me speaking in a professional capacity. My goal is to continue to help give a voice to people, to give people tools and resources that they can utilize so they actually know where they can turn to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Business slash morality issues with a bikini barista coffee institution in Arizona, our most pure state, one of the best states in the union, is going to have a problem with 16 to 18-year-olds in bikinis in what I would only describe as easy rape huts?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Unless he's wearing very thin leggings.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Five stars. Four stars. Look at this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
He even tried to say, I don't like it. He came in four stars.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Is this what the manager told them? This is when the girls are alone and walking to their cars? Girls, run. Run. He gave it a three stars because he couldn't touch them. Good God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
My eyes are up here. They don't have one. They don't have one there, I don't think. Hey, buddy, yeah. Oh, yeah, you think they're bringing out Bridget when it's 20 degrees out? No, they got me, Barnaby. All right, I got the tits to fill out the suit. You got a fucking problem with it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Very good, Eddie. Got him. Taking him down a peg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, you can't block the number. You don't have to watch it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You can't handle a fart. Yeah. This is a fucking bathroom, dog. This is a civil war going on. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
No, I'm not. Last week you said you cut the line.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
I can't wait, dude. You have to. I fucking can't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Here's your fucking permission. That's my problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Coom it for your health.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
They're hungry. They were fucking knocking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
You are one. Yes. Your husband is just some funny guy at an office somewhere. Now you're yelling. I am one, though. I am a comedian. And how hard is that to be screaming? Yes. Go! Recognize me! Do you know? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
Because they're old. And they don't want somebody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I bet those exist as well. David Lynch knee-high socks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Are you going to be one of those people that when your dogs die, you're not going to get any new dogs? No, opposite.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Oh, well, fuck you again. Yeah, seriously.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You're going to be on the list. We'll put you on the list, and we'll take care of you. We'll hang out because we like NASA.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Are we talking about Norbert or Augustine right now?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
How is this, like, whatever the first video is, usually?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes. We do. Once we hit the end of the show, people are like, oh, they're done. They turn it off. They never hear the plugs. And then they're like, when are you coming to Dallas? You're like, I was just there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The Hells Angels have been in the news lately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But this guy... Figured they'd be very inactive in the winter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
There is a man sitting there waving a car, holding a button to detonate himself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They're unhinged, man. Remember the Mr. Softee guys in New York? Oh, yeah, dude. They were fucking nuts, dude. I remember they loved the cheesesteaks. When I worked at 99 Miles to Philly, the cheesesteak restaurant, they would always call, and then they'd put in an order for a cheesesteak, and they'd be like, delivery! And I'd be like, all right, where are you at? What's your address?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They're like, Mr. Softee! I was like, okay. He said, I'm in the Mr. Softee truck! All right, well, where is it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, I was thinking about that. Because they are just two morons. Obviously, please stop anyone who's planning a mass shooting. Thank you for your work, officer. But at what point does it go from a possible creative exercise to...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Now, I want to circle back to this because thinking about it, it's just like planning. What if that's just like...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Can I do something? This is something I've always wanted to do, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I worked with the NYPD for a little bit because we wanted to work on a roast with them. And so I took a couple meetings with them, and I got involved with the first precinct. And I remember they showed us the room where they have the morning meeting, like, go find this guy, go find that guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
These are the corners that are trouble. And then I looked on the side because they have the mug shots. They have a thing of mug shots that you can flip through. And then I saw another pad that just had photos of... of suspicious packages that they found on the subway. And one of them was just like dynamite and a clock found in a Macy's bag. Yeah, we just need a hat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And then I was just like, whoa, what's this? I'm like, yeah, we found that on the subway. And I was like, how often does this happen? They're like, more than you'd like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
A North Texas resident is an on edge after their ring doorbell captures a devil at the door. Oh, this fucking guy. Yes. So apparently a guy in a hoodie and a red goat mask showed up to someone's front door with a sign that just says revelation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
20, colon, 1 through 15. Yeah, I want to look it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, the homeowner said my husband and I had gone out to dinner and we'd stopped off at a store to pick up a Powerball ticket and I was waiting in the car. The devil lies in its gambling heart. I mean, honestly, I agree in that way. But they got a ring notification, and she looked at her phone, and there was a dude in a fucking hoodie with this goat devil mask holding the Revelations on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, and I want to just say, for the record, if I ever go after anyone, I don't like going after people, but what if I ever do? He does. Let me do it. You know, like, I don't need you to do it, too. People are very nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, on our Instagram, not on her Instagram. It does nothing for us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I want to start like this, something I've always wanted to do. We have live shows to plug. We do. We do. We have live shows. You always just move past and the audience appreciates it. But me, I want to plug the fucking shows.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Would you mind playing? Can we hold for a second while we get this clip coming?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, yeah, I mean, it was very upsetting. They're all musicians down there when they have to deal with their pain in some way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I don't know. It just seems like. Why can't helicopter pilots be emotional?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, well, they love to celebrate. You know, their funerals are great. Maybe your buddy could have a New Orleans funeral.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, speaking of chaos, a large bald man struck a slimmer man on the head with a dinner plate. That's right. The big news broken here. Never close in the Amazon side stories. A Florida attorney allegedly attacks father of girl who cut in front of him at a buffet at a meat station.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I have never seen a face... The tops of his ears are the only thing you can see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, no, he's very large. And you can also, another way to tell that a man is fat in a news article is when the other man is constantly called slim.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Oh, you're talking about the whale. Yeah. You know what my problem with the whale is? Not one fart. And the whole fucking movie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
He's not going to fart a lot. There's not going to be one fucking fart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Oh, it's an island. So you can get on either side of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The daughters cut in front and he yelled at the daughters and then he pointed his violence to their father because he was aware enough that he could not beat the daughters.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes. No, if he felt the need, he physically could have made that bad choice and hit them. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
cut now I have to say this isn't a sizzler this isn't a golden corral this is a wedding so it kind of changes everything you're acting like a lunatic at a wedding and then like people are having fun so they're more jokey they might cut more likely to cut have some fun especially young ladies having a good time who knows one of them might have caught the bouquet they're feeling lucky You know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
And you see this man? You want to get in between him and prime rib?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
But, yeah, during the reception, the defendant was allegedly in line in the prime rib carving station when two young girls cut in front of him, the Palm Beach Sheriff County. And the rower got angry about being cut in front of the buffet and confronted the father and one of the girls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
A worker said in a sworn statement that they saw the whole interaction from the start and corroborate the victim's account about why Mark became upset at being cut in line. He was cut in line. The witness then stated that the victim had turned away from Mark in an attempt to ignore him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
The witness confirmed that the plate shattered and Mark pushed the victim and was holding him by the collar. The witness then stated that the surrounding people separated the two individuals, but then Mark attempted to walk back over to the victim.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, they heard multiple plates shatter, but only one was used to hit the victim in the head. And I want to say, as a Florida man, This man, this is a wedding.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
When I was a kid, they found a van full of teenagers in the canal of Boca Rio Road.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
They all thought that they ran away and joined a cult, but they didn't get far from home and just drove into the canal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I know that he was violent, and he is obviously the problem here, but I'm not blaming the victims, but don't cut...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yes, we have to. We have to go. We have to go. We're interviewing Kane Pixels for our Patreon, so go subscribe. Go on Patreon. And listen to that there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Dallas, December 22nd. Last podcast on the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
There's a rainbow on that Norbert story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Tennessee. It's going to be a big show. Coming in. It's going to be huge. It's the former Grand Ole Opry. We're in it. We're doing our show. Former. It was a Confederate church.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Well, Norbert, obviously, they don't talk about why his tongue's sliding out. It's because he's got no teeth. He had rotten teeth and they had to get his teeth removed. Yes, that happens to a lot of small dogs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Yeah, but he passed away on January 26th on a Sunday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
We get to go into a Confederate church and yell Hail Satan back and forth. You, the people at home listening to this, Henry Marcus and I, we're going to yell Hail Satan at each other in a former Confederate church. Please come join us there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I love my dogs. 9 p.m. Died in the owner's arms. How sweet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
You know who you should look up is the alive Norbert, Norbert Barca. On Insta, still alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Still going to the park and having play dates with his friends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
Should we play the funeral dirge for them?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I love the cheese. Oh, the cheese stack lives forever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I'm not going to hell. I won't die. Oh, you're so cute, kitty. I won't die. I need to have sex with another sex worker. Yes. I won't die. I will buy love. Yeah, but here's an update on Norbert's... Casket? No, not a casket. He doesn't have one. He says, they say in the post, in celebration of Norbert's life, we will share Norbert's photos and videos on his social media and websites.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
I want to see you goddamn UFOs, you UAPs, you and to me. What? Oh, fuck NASA.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
In some way, we hope to carry on with his good work. When you think of him, we would want you to just smile in the spirit of Norbert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Come talk to me. I just heard from the little Robert doll that you have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
My thighs are the best part of me. Yeah, they're the best part of you. But they're not great. You don't think that my thighs aren't great? I think Ronnie Coleman has great thighs. But I don't think that you have... Well, Ronnie Coleman, he worked himself into paralysis. Yes. I won't ever do that. Yeah. I'll make sure I can jump and flit and kick and dance and tap.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
It's Fleet Week. Hey, I know you're horny as hell. But no, this is, yeah, Annabelle's out there, and she is going to affect the stock market. And I think that is going to be one of the bigger problems that we're going to see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
That's what I would do. Yeah. If I was Dan Spavara, whatever his name is. Why is she in such great condition if she is such a murderer? It's a narcissist. Yeah. They take great care of themselves. That's a good point. That's what happens. I mean, Lori Vallow looks like shit now. It's only because it's hard to work out where she is. And she's too busy. It's prison. That's all they do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
She literally is spending her days writing nonsense pages long declarations and motions to this judge, this long suffering judge that is now a part of her. This is now her second trial of two. She has had three trials. But two were back to back. So now she's still in Arizona. She's still her own representative. Okay. And she's still pro se. And it's the same judge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
And the judge is getting over it. You can tell the judge is over.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
of dealing with things not getting solved and like cases not getting closed because she's fucking tormenting everybody and she's just she's she's a villain she's a literal villain yes she's a homicidal maniac and uh looks like it looks gets more and more in hinge every day she's trying to get she tried to get a new trial she tried to get the judge recused she tried to do all of this stuff and she's just writing all day just sitting in her cell like she should be working out
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Yeah, because honestly, getting swole is the new thing for chicks. I got to tell you. It's crazy that I like Annabelle the doll more than Lori Vallow. I would rather have lunch with Annabelle. The doll. Yes. Than Lori Vallow. I'd sit next to a doll that just does sitting there. Of course, it'd be much better. Yeah, much better. I'd rather go on a date with Annabelle. Yeah, absolutely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Versus Lori Vallow. You've got to be respectful. Yes. And don't drive on a motorcycle with your girlfriend afterwards. I try not to. Yeah. Try not to. I'm not going to fucking double dip. Fly from your grave. We have another update, which is very interesting. We talked about last week about the story of a guy who got the tip of his finger, the meat. Casper. Casper.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
He got the meat ripped off the edge of his finger. It's called degloving. Right? When they strip a bit into his hands. It was like we had a biter guy last week that we were covering. Yeah. And we got such horrific... Emails imagery from surgeons that have sent all of the things that you can do to fingers, what you can do to fix a finger, what you could do to pop new meat on the finger.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
And it is rough. It's wild. This one right here where it shows that you could reattach the finger by attaching a lump. Of your belly meat. So it's like you take what's left of the nubbin on your finger and you make a tube out of skin from your belly and then you wrap it around the edge of that finger while you're, I guess you're sleepy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
You gotta be asleep for this, right? Of course you're asleep. Do you stay awake for it being attached to your belly like this? You have a finger full of stomach. But then the finger's attached to you, to your own stomach, so that it can grow back. Yes. But is that then, do you walk around like that, like you're a fucking teacup all day?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
You know, honestly, I don't think I've seen your thighs in a while. You want to? Sure. Rob, look away.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
I mean, honestly. When you flick it at somebody. I'm going to put it this way. You can hear this, Eddie, and you probably should because you probably be with me. Okay. If it goes half far, chop it off. Yeah. I don't need a floppy, useless finger for aesthetic reasons. I'd rather have no finger. I think the finger is okay to lose. Because then it's like you got a story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
You got new ways to finger your wife. You got new feelings.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Try explaining that. You mash these up in there, right? Or hitchhiker. Hitchhiker? Hit her with the hitchhiker. Oh, okay. No one does that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Very superstition. That was the whole thing my mom was doing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Then cuts to the leech dealers, you know, for the fact that the leech dealers have their own fucking problems with each other. There's better leech dealers. You know, that's like one of those funny things about like any form of any business slash art where then like, you know, that there's politics. In the medical leech world? Oh, my God, there has to be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Oh, well, platinum leeches is definitely, they win the award each year for best leeches. Like, you know, they have to go to some award contest for breeding leeches.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
If you don't mind, they're very particular. And these leeches are raised only to take llama blood for when we want to put leeches on a llama. That's just fun for us. Some people like to. So that's it. Most of this is just there's a lot of medical information that they sent us that we're not going to read.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
You're my best friend. I'm being your best friend right now. I let you take your pants off, and I'm staring at your thighs. Who else is going to let you do this? The President of the United States' best friend looked at his thighs. Jeffrey Epstein, yes, when he was... Honestly, he was more like Bill Clinton. If you read the documents, Bill Clinton's on there a little bit more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
That is very cool. But you really fuck. The idea of sewing your own finger to your hand and then letting it cook there for a while. I love it. Humans are fucking crazy. Man, the human meat bag is a very interesting thing. And it's just important to remember that. We all eventually head towards the grave. Yum, yum, give me some. All right, let's go to this story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Now, this was my favorite story of the week. Natalie sent this to me originally, and then we got a bunch of emails on this. And this is just another of like... Crypto sounds rough, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Crypto sounds rough. The old days, you know, like you just keep your money in a bank. It's hard to get at people who carry their crypto around. It seems kind of I think it seems irresponsible. If I had crypto, I'd bury it in the ground. I don't think you can, though. You put it on a hard drive and bury the hard drive. I guess. Yeah. But I just don't even really understand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
I'll never understand why you need a hard drive and why it can't just be on the cloud because of its fake money anyway, blah, blah, blah. Again, everyone's yelling at me. I don't understand economics, and I never will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
Yes, my guy specifically said don't get into it right now. Yeah, it seems like a bad idea. I just don't really want to and I don't want to get money. It doesn't make sense. I'd rather have less money. I don't need to give money to people that are like, at least sometimes when I give money to a big corporation, yes, it is to a bunch of criminals, but then I get something in return.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Breast Friends
You know, and it's just, I don't trust it at all. No, because it's for grifters. But I also understand people have made quite a bit of money on crypto, but I do think it was because you got in like 15 years ago.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate both of them. Money's not real. Yep. No, it's not. So this story is an example of when you really believe money is real. Italian tourist allegedly kidnapped and tortured for weeks by a crypto trader in swanky New York City apartment. This guy was renting a $30,000 a month mansion in Manhattan, which is definitely not worth it.
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But this Italian tourist who this guy was working with, the Italian tourist went to the suspect's place to visit America. A man by the name of John Waltz, he was 37, he's from Kentucky. He lived in Nolita, which is, you only call it Nolita if you have money in Manhattan. Where is that exactly? I couldn't even possibly care. Yeah.
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It's one of those micro neighborhoods in Manhattan that really only exists as a, in my term, as like essentially a real estate way of giving, of making you make money. Yeah. It's like right above, like it's in the house scenario. Okay. It's basically, they don't want to, it's almost alphabet. It's the East Village. It's Soho. It's Soho. Yeah. It's sum up. And so, very, very expensive.
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So, this guy was working with this Italian tourist. And apparently, they had made a couple crypto deals before. And they had a big falling out. But then the Italian, like, they cut off work with this guy. He's like, I don't want to work with you anymore. And somehow, this suspect, John Waltz, convinced him to come back to America and say, hey, we're good. Let's do this.
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Cut to, he lands in America, meets up with his buddy. He then, I guess, fucking... Tied him to a chair, gagged him, did all this fucking shit to him, like beat the fuck out of him. He said the one thing, one interesting torture I heard that he was doing to him was that he was putting his feet in a bucket of water and tasing him. Whoa. Because apparently it extra hurts you when you do that. Okay.
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He also was doing a lot of stuff like, you know, attacking his fingernails, hitting him with a hammer, hitting his knees a lot, doing that style of shit. He had a chainsaw, but he didn't use it. No, he kept going like, I'm going to give you the chainsaw. I'm going to give you the chainsaw.
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See? You have great thighs. And before that, you get introduced, Ed Larson. How are you doing? Yes. They look so good, they should be fried. Mmm. I'll take that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm hungry.
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Because the problem is that he couldn't give him the chainsaw because the guy had the code to his crypto banking hard drive. So the guy had his crypto banking hard drive there with him that he was trying to get. It doesn't say how much money was in it. No. But it sounded like it might have been quite a bit. It sounded like it might have been in the millions. And the man was tortured for two weeks.
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But then he managed to escape. There's been no details about how he escaped. Yet. But that's a long time to torture somebody. Also, yeah.
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Unless you put his mother in there with him, he's going to leave. Breaking news. We have a second suspect arrested in the crypto kidnapping torture case as of 1130 this morning.
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There was a guy that was with him that he I guess he did. He turned himself in as well. William Du Plessis. Oh, he's rolling. Oh, yeah, yeah. Look at that fucking guy. That's a roller right there. He's rolling on his dude. He's fucking, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go fix this for myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's always the key, guys. I'll never say this enough to our crew.
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Always flip first. If you're talking to cops, don't wait. Flip immediately. Just remember this. Every single time you believe that some other criminal is going to honor the bond amongst criminals and they're going to do things in a way to protect you, remember that that's not going to happen. No. Ever. Anybody who's also a criminal, it's going to be a criminal. So you're a criminal.
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They're a criminal. You're both independent criminals, even if you're on the same team. Just how it works.
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That's all they're saying. I will say, though, like, I don't understand why, like, I've never been, unless I'm out of the shower, if I'm in the robe, I'm at least in my underwear.
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We only do the news. That's it. That's all we do. And stare at the back of our World Trade Center effigy that's currently sitting on the table here today. That is about to make its first trip to Indio Wells for contact in the desert. You know, I think they should change the name to Indio Finds. It's definitely Indio Fines. But it's a nice place.
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I mean, I probably... To be honest, I'd probably feed him well because I want him farting and shitting everywhere.
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So I'd probably give him a nice couple, like an egg white omelet in the morning. Well, that's not a shitty. That's good. That's what I'm saying. Keep him healthy. I'd probably give him a nice Caesar salad for lunch. Probably order a Caesar salad. You don't want to give him a fork. No. You don't want to give him a fork. No, you got to eat it horse style. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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You could use a wrap as a weapon. You think so? I don't know. I'm just saying I'd rather see me with his face. Because it's my kidnapping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then later on, I mean some nice chicken. Yeah. Again, this is if I'm cooking. If it's my house, there's also a place like this that's probably got a wonderful kitchen.
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Whatever falls out of your mouth. And I get something else on the side so she can have something. That's how it always is. Natalie also doesn't eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how it goes. Yeah. What are you going to do? I don't know. Yeah. But, yeah, I would take good care of him. You got to take good care of him. Because, again, I'm trying to get the password. At least for the first week.
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I'm trying to get the password. Yeah. Yeah. So for a while, like you could smack a guy all you want, but they always said this with the extreme torture techniques and what do they call advanced torture techniques is that it just makes somebody say anything. You know what you do? Get a wire stripper, strip the finger, sew it to his belly. Whoa, cool. That's healing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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If you want me to sew your bone to your belly so you build a finger, you have to show them the diagrams we got. And then you could just see in the middle of me just going like, I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah.
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blood everywhere it's a nice apartment but this whole thing fell apart pretty quickly uh and the italian guy does look like how do you put it he looks like a little crypto man little crypto men are everywhere the little crypto men with their little haircuts and their tiny mouths and there's something about them with their v-neck v-neck shirts everywhere that costs like 350 dollars but it just could be a hain shirt as far as you're concerned yes i just will never understand it
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Well, it seems like it's just another way to make a lot of money quickly if you know all of the people involved and you have to be a part of one of these like rug pull things.
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Teach me. Yeah. Or you know what? Keep it to yourself. We've had it explained. We've had it explained multiple times. And I don't like it. I've talked about this in the show every single time. And people have tried to explain it. And I guess, well, I just don't care.
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I think we're going to have to reevaluate our friendship, Eddie.
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It's new money. But I don't like it. Yeah, it's just new money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just other money. Also, thank God NFT's bombed. Oh, I mean, they're still- That made me so happy. That made me so happy. That dumb shit still pops up.
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This dude looks terrifying. I just don't even understand how the fuck... So he dressed up like a police guard, but not a police guard? They don't know how he got or made this outfit. Obviously, he's an ex-police chief. I imagine he had some fucking help. And he definitely had some form of connections to somebody. But he just kind of walked out wearing this outfit.
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I'll never understand guys within the police force helping... this level of crime. I could see if you're doing a financial crime or if you're something else. He probably got something on him. But it's just like the idea of wanting to help a rapist is the lowest form of the brotherhood in blue. So you're fine that he raped somebody? It's weird. He got 30 years for the murder, 50 for the rape.
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Honestly, you're going to have to come and check out what we're going to do with this World Trade Center effigy. Yes. This Saturday. Saturday night. Coming over to Contact of the Desert. If you're in the Los Angeles area, we are doing this wonderful, wonderful comedy night inside of the biggest UFO weekend in the world. And it is going to get some people upset.
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See, it's like he became, I mean, I guess that's what it takes, you know. Look at people like Selena Gomez. They make it. So you're comparing this man to Selena Gomez? I'm just saying, mediocre people make it to the top all the time. Really? You think she's mediocre? She's the definition of mediocre.
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really yes she's a baby face yeah she can she manages to stand between steve martin martin short to the most entertaining people on the face of the planet i was wondering where this was coming yeah she's wonderful she's fine in it but she's only because she's next to those guys i feel like she doesn't you know i like her for the record but i feel like she doesn't move her mouth when she talks she
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She has a, she looks like the, remember in Muppets Christmas Carol? You remember the ghost of Christmas past? Do you remember what I'm talking about? That's what she looks like. The little doll girl. Yeah. The sleepy doll ghost girl. Yes, but I know she's like 40 now. But she still looks like a child. She's not 40. She's not 40. She's something.
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I'm saying she reminds me of this sheriff that was convicted of murder and rape. Yes. And that is broken out of jail. That's all I'm saying. Six foot five, 320 pounds. I'm just comparing her rise to stardom. How this man is hiding anywhere, by the way, is blowing my mind. He's a gigantic fucking booger. Because he's in Arkansas, and half of them look like that.
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But I feel like he's a very, how do I put this, unathletic version of Rambo. I think he's sitting up there being like, once this last bush is done, last when I take the city myself.
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Hollywood comes out on top one last time. We did it, guys. I just want to talk about this next little topic because I just want to rail on this for a little bit because we're already in con. You and I are in a bit of an uncle mode anyway. Yes, absolutely. Let's just continue.
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Let's just fucking stay in there today. Listen, we got a lot going on.
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I'm sorry if Selena Gomez Nation comes after me. Guess who's also fucking absolutely mediocre? Taylor Swift. Whoa. You know what? Fighting words. I'll touch this for you. Fighting words. Taylor Swift. Tower one for Taylor. Tower two for Selena.
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The only thing Taylor Swift could be good for this world is if she snuck her way into the White House and made some good decisions by pretending to be a fan of some people within the administration. Get in there. Take them out one by one. Then I will tell you honestly that I'm a fan.
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It really does. Every time. I remember last year at the comedy show. Oh, wow. Right before I went on stage. 3.30 p.m. Oh, yeah. They did me the favor of getting rid of all the chairs. I remember when they said that. We were like, we don't want people to be like hanging out. We're like, it's an hour long show. But this year, it's going to be different.
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He's great. He took it from her. What? Just the biggest act in the world. Yeah, but Kendrick's a far better artist than Taylor Swift.
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I was like, really? I just can't even. You know how we'll get in there, man? I can't even break the bank. It's over. No, no. I know how we get into the next one. Let's go find the next one. We're going to battle Mike our way in there. Whoa! We're going to wrap our way into the concert. Oh, my God. Should we pay there? Hey, what do you say? I don't think Kendrick is not that gay.
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We're workshopping. Yeah, we're coming for you, Kendrick. You better watch because my incendiary take on your lifestyle is going to go viral. Oh, Mr. Kendrick, you give me the ick. I wish you could get yourself sick. God damn, that's hot. Yeah. Yeah, Mr. Kendrick, I think you're lame. I saw those pants. What are you, a dame? Yeah. Honey mustard. Chicken nugget.
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You're gonna get in this concert Eddie he's gonna be so impressed by us our lambasting him with words and rhymes and couplets That he is going to put us directly on stage. You're fucked bro coming for you Kendrick You're not like us, you know Shots fired see if we get on see what Charlotte meaning the God has to say about that. Oh
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Yeah, we're going to be... They're going to put us on... What was that? What's his show? The Breakfast Club. Yeah. We're going to go down. We're going to talk some sense to these fools. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But over lunch. Yes, please.
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I want to talk about this because let's just stay in this place because I just want to complain about this one thing. All right. French pizza chef accused of killing man before dismembering and cooking body parts in pot of vegetables. Now, wow, I just kind of flipped this. First of all, this French pizza chef, right, he confessed to killing a six-year-old man in his isolated home.
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This is the saddest thing I've ever seen. He ran this thing. He ran a French-Italian fucking whatever restaurant called Don Filippo in this very, what a wonderful Italian-sounding place. It's in the Saint-Sernin-sur-Roch restaurant. In fucking France, first of all. The village of Brasque. If you tell me you're some kind of French pizza maker, I'm going to tell you, get the fuck out of my face.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? Because you're some kind of fancy ass, French ass, fucking pizza faker. That's what I'm calling you. Pizza faker. You're a pizza faker. Yeah. Okay? Because guess what's not French? Pizza. And guess what's fucking dumber than your French ass trying to make pizza in the world? What is it, Henry? Killing a man in his isolated home to steal his weed. Yeah.
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That is literally why he killed this man. God, people say weed's not addictive. It is. But weed's not that hard to get. In France it might be. I don't know. In France? It's got to be easy. They love smoking. I've seen it. I've seen it. I smelt it when we were in Paris.
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And you're going to see, separate from the main events, it's going to be a nighttime event. And we are going to bring out all the stops. I'm going to be doing a live UFO mandate. We have some guest comedians like Billy Wayne Davis, one of our big friends of the show. Amber Nelson, Travis Irvine. It's going to be amazing. We're going to have a lot of fun.
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Maybe that's the problem. Oh, wow. So cannabis is not legal in France. But that doesn't mean anything. Weed's still easy to get. You have all the French rappers and stuff wearing their tube hats and stuff. French rappers are the weirdest.
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Yeah, he got hit by his wife, slapped him. She's like 30 years older than him. It's like a teacher thing. She's older than him. Yeah. And she hit him. Yeah, he said they were being sexy. Oh, yeah? It's French. In front of everybody? French. They can hit each other. I don't know. He can't hit her. He can't hit her on the face. No. And then she can hit him, I guess. Yeah, she can, obviously.
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But babies can smoke. Yes, babies love smoking. What about French bread pizza? French bread is fucking American. French bread we made. It's so stupid. Anything called French bread is American made.
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Because guess what they call bread in France? Guess what they call bread in France? Bread. And guess what's all over there? Yeah, it doesn't look like that. I had it over there. It's nicer over there. I had their sandwiches. And Paris French sandwiches were good. Ham and cheese croissant. That was good. Not a croissant. I even had a baguette. Whoa.
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I did it just like those little fucking big-titted French girls where I went to the- Are you trying to say big-titted French girls don't like croissants? No. No. I'm saying I was like those big-titted French girls where I went to the little wagon and I saw a man with a big mustache and he was like, much for your wife. And I was like, you don't have enough to buy my wife.
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And then I went and I bought him, but then he kind of showed me he might have enough. And I was like, no, no, no. And then I bought a sandwich just off a cart. And it was just like, I felt like, what's her name? Madeline. Madeline? From the children's books.
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I feel like Madeline. I wouldn't have got a Niclaire. And I fucking, just like I did with Rob, I fucking full-on Jenna Jameson, the Niclaire in the streets of Paris.
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No chew. Swallow that shit. Yeah, I felt like little Madeline with my yellow hat. And I got my big old baguette with ham and cheese in it. And I was like, oh, wee, wee, wee. It's a pee-pee. Wee-pee-pee. I remember that fucking chick. Yeah, dude. She was annoying as fuck. Yeah, you get a smaller hat. She was always getting into issues. Yeah, get some parents.
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Honestly, with Madeline, too, it's like, you better be careful you're not getting trafficked out in fucking France, dude. Amen. So these guys, this guy fucking killed this old man, literally to steal his weed. That's fucked up. And I think partially it's because he is so fucked up by being a French pizza chef. And then knowing that that's fake, and it's bad, and it's stupid.
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And obviously people are going to attack me. But I will take that because I looked at the pizza in Paris. I was in Paris. I looked at the pizza. It looked bad. It was just hanging out.
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french bread pizza was fine when you were a child but it's for a child's palate well the thing is it was when i was a fat boy and weight watchers would make the frozen french pizza i remember and my mom would feed it to me all the fucking time exactly what you're saying it's like there's no way this frozen french bread pizza is making me lose weight dude we used to go through it was the same they would just give us piles of spaghetti and tell us it was weight watchers i remember this it
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And then also, we're going to be doing a live... We're going to be doing a live taped podcast that you can be a part of the live studio audience for with Whitley Streber. And we put headphones on everybody, right? Yes.
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We went through all of that. Fettuccine Alfredo, and it's like the worst shit in the world. The Snackwells cookies. I would just take down a sleeve of those Snackwells. Oh, my God. And they were horrible, too. I'm on a diet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm on a bit of a diet. So we switched to the diet cookie. Can we look up what's the best? Best pizza restaurant in France. Look at this fucking loser. That's him.
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This is the murderer. Oh, that's him. His pizza looks terrible. His pizza does look terrible. There's hardly any cheese on it. You know what it is? If you call your eggplant parm cheese an aubergine fucking pizza, lose me. I will say, looking at this man, he does need weed. He does. Honestly, someone needs to get this man some weed. I'm looking this up. Just the old-fashioned internet.
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I'm just saying no. No, unfortunately, no. We can only scale. We have to scale up. We have to scale up. But I saw these. I was reading some research for this week's episode of Last Podcast on the left. Yes. And they were talking about how Abraham Lincoln. You guys know the 16th president. He had a very, very good friend. named William Green while he was in his 20s. And they slept.
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Well, he's not in Paris. He's in a little village. It's all close. There's biggest states.
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All right? That's the thing about Europe. We forget. Each one of their whole countries is the biggest state. They can drive anywhere. All right? So, fuck whatever, dude. Yeah. All right? So, it's weed legal in France. France has the highest cannabis consumption in Europe. Okay. That makes sense. That is what they're saying right here. That's over six months. Yes. Well, there's more of them, though.
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Then in Amsterdam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess that makes sense. Yes. But look at this. Why in the living fuck are you not having free ass legal weed in France?
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No. They're too strict. They're not though. Germans are extremely liberal. Really? Germans are... Technically German society is perfect right now. I mean, if you smoke weed in Germany, would you have to like wrap it in leather and beat the shit out of it? I think that's how you get the weed. Yes. Yes. I think you have to do that to a big German man. Yeah.
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But I think that we'd, is it, yeah, Germany, countries, Netherlands, Germany, Malta, and Luxembourg all have legal cannabis consumption.
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Germany's fucking, I mean, we love Germany. I mean, Berlin is the place that we went to that I felt, I felt the least cool I'll ever be. Well, man, I'd love to be stoned there. That sounds great. It was awesome. Yeah, so this is what I'm saying. This guy didn't have to go that far to get weed. He didn't have to kill. You never. I'm just going to put this out there. You never have to kill for weed.
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We'll find out. Last year when we interviewed Dave Foley, everyone got headphones. And it was a very interesting experience. It was very intimate. It's like a silent disco. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, and I believe Whitley knows this, we're going to be playing Hot Ones. Yeah.
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You don't have to kill for weed. Kill for crypto. That I understand. That I understand.
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No, because he couldn't because he needed a fucking password.
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And he runs charters off of- Hear this again. 30 days in jail for- Yes. For openly shooting dolphins. In front of children. With a shotgun.
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Taking a shotgun out into the water, shooting dolphins in the head like he's fucking Travis Bickle over the water. And he went out there. He literally, because he was mad that they were eating the snapper.
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For 70 dolphins. 30 days. You shoot one dolphin in front of children, more than a month. You know? More than a month. Well, how did the kids react? If they were like, oh, thank you. Another one. Yeah, there's another one over there, sir. That's the difference, is that if the kids are all like, yay, yay, now kill my dad. That's different. If they were all ready to go, that's what's hard.
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I am really excited for that. I got Pepto already. Great. He's going to need it. He's going to need, to be honest, we might need a doctor.
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Goddammit, someone get that kid some binoculars.
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That makes sense. Florida makes killing dolphins. Oh, that's why he was... That was what he got was $51,000 in fines. That's still not even $1,000 a dolphin. They just don't care enough.
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It's the Gulf of Mexico. We're limited. There's oil spills. It's Florida. The measles are killing the children. They are literally... I want to say it's raining fire. Yes. They don't care about the dolphins. 70 of the most beautiful creatures in the ocean. They don't care about the dolphins.
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See, I'd put them all in the same bracket, but the only one I'd put above all of them is a chimpanzee. Oh, absolutely. I think if you strangle a bonobo, it depends on how you do it, too. Well, bonobos are different. Bonobos are closest to human society. I thought that was a macabre. No. Oh, okay.
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We might need to find somewhere slightly better. What's better? I don't know. Wingstop's not great. Unfortunately, it's Palm Springs. It's not chicken wing world. I know. Sidestories, LPOTL at gmail.com. If you're in the Palm Springs area, where do you get your chicken wings? I do have a Margaritaville in Palm Springs. We can get them from there. They're not as good.
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It's the closest, right? But they're tiny. They are, but they're the closest to us in our brain power, right? So I think that if you were to kill it, also if you were to kill a bonobo in a way like stabbing it to death or doing it in like an arm bar or something like that, you should also get more. Yes, of course. Of course.
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I don't think it matters the way you kill it as much as, you know, as much as you're just doing it. I feel like you should. Yes. Yes. Just funner for the jury. Oh, yeah, funner for the jury. Oh, you lit him on fire. You didn't strangle him, so we're going to have to give you two years. If you strangled him, we'd give you one. See, fire is different. Fire is different.
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How did he not get the maximum punishment? What is the maximum punishment? I can't read that. One year in jail per violation. $100,000 in fines and one year in jail. He should get 70 years in jail.
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He should never be allowed in the ocean again. It's the most corrupt state. And also, it's one of the most corrupt areas. Yes. So it is not a, it's, they don't care. They don't care about humans. Why would they care about the dolphins? I feel like if it was in a different county, this guy would have gotten more fucked.
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Like if this was down in Key West, Key West, they'll lock you up for more than a shift for just taking too many conch shells. My father was attacked so brutally by a pit bull in his neighborhood and the cops did nothing. You think they're going to? This is the most they'll do. This is literally the most they will do.
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He probably doesn't want to happen if he didn't shoot the dolphin in front of children. Unless the kids were the ones that were into it. And then again, it probably was just because they were mad that he was wasting bullets. Elementary school children. They were elementary school.
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Not even middle school. I weirdly think, though, if I was in elementary school watching it, I would have been like, wow, yeah. yeah, get him again.
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But, uh, You really have done it, Eddie, and you have grown and you have changed.
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Maybe he likes it. Yeah. Maybe. Who knows? Move to Japan. Join the Cove. Do it right. Yeah, get paid to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Get out of America. That makes sense. Deport this guy. and I think they're going to import more of them. Unfortunately. This is what we like. Do we have any... I don't know. I have one letter. It's too long. It's too long. Is there a shorter way? There's plantation houses.
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It's all just saying they're bad. Of course they're bad. Yep. Yeah, why would they not be bad? But they're just obviously.
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I mean, I'd rather have Wingstop. You have Wingstop than Margaritaville? Very much so. You are being bad. I am not bad. You are being bad. No, I like a better chicken wing. I go, I think Margaritaville, corporate office, Florida. Wingstop, corporate office, Dallas. Okay. Yeah, that's kind of how I go with that. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. I could see that, but still, it's Palm Springs.
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We have a feeling. Yeah, no one's happy about them.
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But they used to be around more often, and a lot of them have been left around. But I think my question was, can we build new ones?
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Well, you can, but the idea is that the letters I received said the issue really is that also the style of home that it is is considered like a colonial, it's considered European style of home, and it was considered a tribute to the glorious days of the powerful white man in Europe. Right.
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Depends on the country. Depends on the country and also... That's right. It's just getting the land, plantation home, and then I just think... I love going to Solvang. Little Dutch town, windmills. Adorable. I think as long as you just keep saying, I'm sorry, it should be okay. You also can just build a different style house and it'll be fine. I do one that looks like a UFO. I just... Yeah.
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But still, I gotta say... Wraparound porch. I mean, that's the only thing. The wraparound porch. That's all I really like about it. Total wraparound porch. I mean, that's like when you know you've made it. Or like that thing in New Orleans homes when you go through and they have like the middle part that's outside. I love this.
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That's one of my favorite things where it's like a house all around it and they have an inner courtyard in there.
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Yeah, this is in Palm Springs. We should get this next year. You can rent this. I actually looked into renting this UFO home for some vacation. The problem, though, is that it's got very bad air conditioning, and it really just looks cool. Okay. It just looks cool. Go in the winter. Go in the winter to the UFO home. It's very warm in there. It would be fun to do during contact, though.
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It would be. Honestly, it's available for contact. So come check it out. Contact in the desert. You can stay in the weekend in an extremely expensive UFO. Hold on. It's available for contact? It might be. How is the UFO home not taken? It might be. I mean, I might be wrong. It's taken. It's taken.
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I was going to say, if someone is not staying in the UFO home during contact, then the whole fucking festival is a shame. Fucking better be George Knapp and Jeremy Korbel. Breast friends. Breast friends. They just sleep chest to chest on a tiny cot. That's what people don't understand. They do sleep in a bed together. Yeah. But it's not sexual.
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I want to save Josh Speed for our episode. Oh, okay, yeah. Because that was his real boyfriend. Yes, yeah. Tune in for the Josh Speed love affair. Abraham Lincoln was a man. About a man. Complicated morals. No, not morals. Just he had a complicated life. He lived every day. He loved the man who owned slaves. You know, but he loved the man who owned slaves. Uh-oh.
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And then he loved the man who owned slaves. It wasn't just the ninja say he's a slave owner. There was a man in there. Okay. And Abraham Lincoln made sweet love to that man. His mouth, his butt. Honestly, you could live every day being like a president. You know what I mean? Have your wife, have your best friend lover, be best friends with somebody and best friends with them at the same time.
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Tall, strong man with perfect thighs. Yeah. Fucking split my rails any day. Love getting absolutely having your butt handed to you by an old friend. And then laugh. No, and it's just another funny story to tell all the guys down at the VFW about how you, Abraham Lincoln, Slimer from Ghostbusters, all had a full-on gay-ass orgy, but it doesn't make you gay because of how much you love this country.
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I wish we had a Flanagan's out here. Yeah, I mean, nothing. Every single day. Flanagan's. I pray for a Flanagan's. God, I love that fucking place.
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Because other than that, it's the War of 1812. And what's civil about war? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. We already made this. Yeah, you already did.
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This week. You'll hear it. So get into it. It's about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. If you didn't know. Did you know it was actually Lee Harvey Oswald? Yeah. Crazy. His time traveler. Wait, you get to episode four. You're going to love it. Go to the patreon.com slash last podcast and you can watch us yell and do all of that and all that shenanery.
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And you can see us also perform live every Tuesday for our stream. Last stream on the left. Every Tuesday, 6 p.m. PST. You can go and see us flap them gums. And it's only through the Patreon. And also just know nothing's changing about the stream. Nothing.
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Nothing's changing about last stream on the left. It's staying exactly the same. We're going to have a bigger announcement about our next couple years of here at LPN. Yeah. We're going to be doing our keynote commencement speech this Wednesday.
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Yes, it's going to be coming out today when this episode comes out. So you'll see me and you can talk to me and ask me questions. How many fans do you think we lost today? Oh, the weak ones. The weak ones, yes. Not you. Never you. World War Trade Center Effigy. You get our content. I'm so sorry you have to die next week. I can't wait to kill you. You should take it in the pool.
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Oh, what a good idea. It never got to go. It never got to go in the pool. It never did. Wow, that's cute. But now it is pools. Come out and check more of that at Contact in the Desert. Coming this weekend. All right, fuckers. Bye-bye.
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I'm introducing Ed Larson to some true... I'm not going to say the word kook. You just did. I'm just saying that we're going to meet some real members of the ufological society. I'm there to learn. You've only met classy people so far. Nick Pope, classy. Vaguely. Yeah. And then we've got George Knapp, the most classy. The most. Oh, my God, that hair. High end. High, high, high end.
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We're going to see some guys who are a little bit lower on the ladder. But they're going to be just as incredible as anything else. And we might get you hypnotized.
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No. And I appreciate that. I like a little loose loosey goosey on the old lips. Same thing. I like somebody who doesn't quite understand that the Internet is forever. That's one of my favorite attributes of someone old.
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We've already been told to not set it ablaze due to the problems with Michael Sedona's original World Trade Center effigy burning and the issues that cause. Yeah, an audience member had to put it out with Gatorade. Yep. I remember it. Which is the most that Gatorade served its purpose the entire weekend. I will say that. That's where the last time. That's the only place I saw electrolytes at work.
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I heard it's going to be 106 degrees. It's going to be real hot, buddy. It's real hot. And guess where you're going to see us? By the pool. And that's why if you wanted to have any sort of unofficial conference time with me and you're coming to contact in the desert, bring your fucking bathing suit. I am sick of this. We're not all just going to be hanging inside talking.
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I need you to come to the pool. We need to be drunk in the pool. We can get into the real stuff in the pool. What time does the pool close? I don't give a shit. I like a late night pool hang. Pool me out.
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Call the police on me. And I just want to be like, I'm a Bonvoy member. I'm a Bonvoy member. Which gets you anywhere. It gets you everywhere. All right, we got some updates before we get into the rest of this. Annabelle's gone. Maybe.
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They're saying Annabelle is missing. The Warren estate says... No. Well, because who does this benefit? The Warren estate. Because the Warren estate doesn't want to believe that the weird relative that they let take Annabelle out of her little protective case out into the world so that she could finally go get woke, burn down a plantation. Yeah. Free all those prisoners. She's a full leftist.
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I like to call him Billy Weed. Billy, oh, Billy Weeds. Billy, Billy Weed, Billy Nugs. And Lincoln and him shared a cot together and they slept chest to chest each night for years. They slept chest to chest. And these guys are best friends. Breast friends. Yeah, chest to chest. Exactly. But, you know, he had the true bravery to say that his best friend, Abraham Lincoln, straight, married.
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Comrade. Anarchist. Anarchist. Renegade. She's in Tifa. Now she's free. Oh, she's in Tifa. Annabelle Tifa. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's all about Tifa. And so she's out there, but now, yes, obviously, the person that was responsible for Annabelle, what's his name again, this fucking chode? Isn't it Warren's son? Whatever he is, he looks like a guy that would lose Annabelle.
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He looks like the competing tiger zoo owner in the Joe Exotic documentary series. Because he's got that LA hat.
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culture thing going on so what's his name rob um it's at annabelle tour okay so he's doing it through the annabelle socials where he's saying there's no way annabelle's gone we annabelle is absolutely fine she's not missing was never in chicago is not there then he shows this video being look here's annabelle it's in the occult museum which could have been filmed
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at any time all of this could have been filmed at any time i actually i'm watching this fucking talk i i think that's green screen whoa tiktok he's tiktok dead that is a fucking green screen does that not look like he's in front of a green screen well he's he's putting his face over the footage which could have been shot which is a lie this is a fucking lie i think instagram live is the
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only way to fucking prove this shit put a newspaper in front of annabelle because right now as far as i'm concerned annabelle's on her way to the fucking white house and i'm cheering her on yeah i don't think yeah that i need proof i right now i don't have proof you just keep saying you want us to just believe that annabelle's not missing that's fine i got messages from at least a dozen people all connected truly within the oddities community yeah and if
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Anybody knows, man, I hate to say this, fucking Annabelle representatives, but I've got my sparrows everywhere.
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And they hear all your fucking moves, dude. Yeah, and for the record, we didn't even ask for these sparrows. No. They just come squawking. But now I feed them little bits of seeds, little bits of rum. Seeds and rum for my sparrows because, oh, I treat them well because their eyes and their ears are open for all the information that I need. You know what I think happened?
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Sorry, Annabelle. Yeah, sure. He's talking to some 25-year-old. She's just got to be in Illinois by October. He's putting Annabelle on the shoulders of some 24-year-old who's going to come in and try to take over the Warren Museum because that's what these 24-year-olds do now. We saw that with Bill Belichick. They're coming in there to take over our establishments.
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That's what we're doing here, and they're trying to get through. Look at this guy. No name for this guy yet? I don't trust him. I mean, this guy is a target. I want to trust him, but I don't. Let's hear him out real quick.
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But he's still promoing the event where he says she's going to be at. They've replaced Annabelle. Also, Annabelle's just an old Raggedy Ann doll. It's very replaceable. They've replaced Annabelle. And she looks brand new. Why doesn't she look old? I don't know. I'm just saying. I know a lot of people say, like, you know, you don't want to fuel misinformation and shit. Is this?
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We're investigating. I honestly, I need more information. Sidestories, LPOTL at gmail.com.
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Because what I think is going on here is that he, yes, I already see the situation. A 23-year-old with a fucking leather cowboy hat on and a halter top that says, hey, look at these. And she's talking to him. And he's just going like, hey, I'm a... Yeah, I'm on tour with Annabelle right now. I'm super all about protecting little women from ghosts and shit. And she's like, oh, God, this is amazing.
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I don't believe you, though. I don't believe you. I'm going home with my ghost. He's like, no, wait. No, I got her in her fucking cage right here. And he goes and he pulls out Annabelle.
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hey you want you guys want pictures with annabelle and they're like yeah you're back you're back and then like they're all taking pictures with annabelle he's doing a bunch of shots and shit they're getting the blow job shots you're getting all that kind of stuff going on annabelle's then they're doing karaoke i'm just saying that she is in way too good of condition for being for the 60s well that's what they said about jill biden
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Not married. Yeah. But he said that he, quote, wrote in his journal that Lincoln's thighs... were as perfect as a human beings could be. Yeah, I bet. He was a wrestler. Why have you never said that about me?
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Good one. Thank you. Thank you. But yes, the Warren family and their museum and the Warren Occult Museum saying, oh, don't worry. There is no way Annabelle is gone. But we want to see a picture of Annabelle with the fucking newspaper in front of her face. Yes. Because if not, I'm meeting her at the front steps of the Capitol building.
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And I invite you, Annabelle, to come with me on our brand new August 9th. Yep, I'm planning it now. August 9th. Yeah, so everybody come meet me there. It's going to be me, Annabelle, the Green Lantern. We're going to take down the White House together as a team. His name is Dan Rivera. Oh, Dan Rivera. Thank you. All right. Yeah, Dan. Oh, he's with Nesper. Yes. I know about Nesper. Yeah, please.
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What's Nesper? That is the New England Society for Psychic Research. I would love for them to reach out. So if you want to possibly defend yourself or wonder about... Because I still think... I think Annabelle's out there. I think Annabelle's going to end up joining Doge. I don't know what's going to happen. Yes. And for the record, we're not anti-Annabelle. No, I'm right now...
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I'm willing to see her out. Yeah. I kind of want to see what she does. She burnt down a plantation, which is kind of fun. I got some great emails on why plantations are bad. Oh, really? Why are they bad? It's got super bad history. Really? Yep. And then he burnt one of those down.
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She freed a bunch of prisoners, which, again, largely neutral, except for the fact a lot of them were murderers and rapists. Well, Annabelle. Is partial to murderers. She is. She likes murderers.
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Slightly, yes. Because we have not talked about any of the stuff. I think it's so funny that we have not talked about any of the stuff for the Menendez brothers, especially now that the L.A. District Attorney lost his election. He was the big champion to try to get the Menendez brothers out. Yeah, he's gone now, so we have no idea what's going to happen with them.
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But it just shows that, like, even in jail... Television makes you a bad person. Lyle Menendez is breaking up with his wife of 21 years from jail. She has been his champion fighting for him. He's been in prison for this entire time. He's bald now.
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Let's just say Lyle looks really good. I don't know how you get supplements in prison, but he looks like he's getting them. He looks younger now than when he went in. Because she was fighting for him. She was trying to do all this kind of shit for him. And how does he thank her? He cheats on her with a younger woman.
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I think my south mouth has a cavity. They know what's going on. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. Sitting here with Ed Larson. He called out his actual dentist who does listen to the show. I had no idea what a dental dam was. I'm not even frowning against the use of dental dams. I think you should if you've got the fucking old school gangster bumps.
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Maybe she likes it. No, click it to the fucking curb, girl. Like, this is ridiculous. You fucking just move on. It's her job now. She can try to get the new prison dick when it's all done.
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You're out. New chick's in! And is the new chick just going to be the new... Millie Buxy is her name, the 21-year-old student. Do you think it's just because his wife's just a bummer and she's always just like, prisoners' rights, all day long. And then finally gets this new chick who's saying fun, cool stuff about Riz.
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Every human is different. But if you look at it, though, it's different. I guess so. I feel like they've got apparatuses that can make them so much more satisfied than any human could ever do. You know what I mean? All they've got to do is... He's got aspiratuses?
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That's what Lyle has. You're talking about prison sex. Prison sex. But I think that he's honestly, he's looking happy. He's fucking the luckiest man alive.
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He's loving her. He is loving her. I guess because then she can fight for the next 20 years. Yeah. You know what I mean? So he can keep leveling up. Like, he can do the Leonardo DiCaprio thing from jail.
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That's what they say, the bars in hell. You know, we talked about this on one of our update episodes, but I will say my opinion about the Menendez brothers' case, and I will say this here, is that I have come around to the idea that their father was a serial abuser.
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He was a serial abuser, and I do believe that they were abused at some point during their lives, but I do believe that it sets a bad precedent to make it
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legal for them to kill for revenge in retribution because I do believe that the mother was killed in cold blood and that if you just wanted to kill the father you could have done it and I would have believed that if it happened five years before that it was in direct fear for their lives and so the fact that it wasn't, it's one of those where I still feel like it sets a bad precedent but I am also for people being rehabilitated.
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I think that the point of jail should be to get you out of jail at some point.
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Yeah, if it's a thing at all, they should be prime candidates for something like that. Almost ready to get out. I mean, just look at his abs. If you just decided innocence by fucking getting cut and access to creatine, Lyle Menendez is more innocent than the fucking Pope. He is hot fucking.
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he is look i don't know how he got so how is he so cut in jail well that's what they do is dips and and sit-ups but i feel like but it's still eating isn't most of what i heard what people keep telling me why i look like fucking shit even though i'm in the gym four days a week is that it's about what you eat and what you drink henry you are a pierogi of a person i'm really sorry to break it to you like this you're only gonna get so cut
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I'm just getting larger. I'm working out four days a week, and my shirt, nothing's fitting, and I don't think I look necessarily good. I just think I'm getting wider. You're never going to have abs. No, I don't want abs. I will never have abs.
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Lamb or... That's for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, we have lamb and turkey. We have two meats. Because there's a carnivore surplus in our friend group. That is the truth.
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Why does Lionel Hernandez look so good? He always looked good. He didn't look that good.
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He was a child. Now he's fucking, look at him. He's jacked. Yeah. But how does he get the proper protein? Know what you should do. Kill your parents. I've gotten close. I've gotten close. I see that while I'm on this body work plan, and I wonder if I should get a lot of reading done. I'll find out a lot about the mystique of Islam. I really would love prison. I gotta go.
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I do want to completely I want to slightly talk about we're going to do an entire episode dedicated to this. It was going to be this week, but we had a little bit of snafus with schedule. But because of that, it actually the episode got much better. But I want to talk a little bit about the UAP conference that happened, I believe, two weeks ago.
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Basically, it always has to sound way more complicated than it is so that you won't understand. So this story came out. This was November 13th of this year, two weeks ago. They did the House Oversight Committee. And your silence was deafening. I know, because I wanted to save it. But now it's time. I'll go through it a little bit. They did a...
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a report the uh so originally in march so march of this year the pentagon had issued a report saying that there's been no evidence of extraterrestrial spacecraft right so and you trust them right no always because they always tell us exactly what they think about themselves and they're super super like on the ball not since a spaceship hit them on september 11 2001 has they've
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dealt with it oh yes now the issue is led by there was a man by name mr gold there was lou elizondo and michael schellenberger now they reported they brought forth this report which was an independent study within the u.s government looking for what they are ostensibly saying is what they call usap which is an unspecified special access program now what this means is black ops
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That's if you get it wet first. That's why foreplay is extremely important. We do eight play. That is an R. Kelly bit. Is it? Yeah, 12 play.
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So this is money, congressional money, that is put in some giant budget, and they can't find out exactly where this money is assigned. That's kind of what they're trying to figure out is, are they misappropriating funds, and are they not looping Congress in on what they're doing? That's why they had this oversight committee.
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And what happened was that it revealed, according to whistleblowers from within the government... There used to be several programs. First, it was AERO. There was OSAP, if you've listened to any one of us talk about it. These are what they call the UAP investigation, essentially, bureaus.
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Their goal was to go through every single bit of recorded sightings, things that they have pulled from all these different sources, from the Navy, from the Air Force, video, different readings from machines, all this kind of stuff.
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right yeah and their jobs were to sort of collate it and essentially figure out how can we make material and technology from this stuff like okay if they're aliens how can we use their stuff for us that's the main thing that's why we're spending money on it is it a national threat and can we do anything with it
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And so what it revealed, the oversight committee, what it revealed was that there is a new group, and it's called Immaculate Constellation, which sounds like a fucking anime. But it is the name of the new in-group within the in-group, which they called the Umbrella Group, where a bunch of smaller umbrella groups are underneath them.
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They do winks at it because it's kind of the opposite. They're trying to take the God out of it because a lot of our generals and our military, a lot of them are evangelical. A lot of them are Christian. And so they actually are the ones putting God into it because they're afraid of the phenomena. They think it's demonic. They think it's Literally of the devil.
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Yes, they don't know. Well, it is coming from the oceans. Now we're learning this. So what Immaculate Constellation is saying is that they have something like multiple million of terabytes of 4K images. straight up, like the most clear footage you can see of UFOs. That we have telemetries, we have all this stuff and it's hidden. We're not showing it anywhere.
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He could have calmed some of that down, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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And that we also actively know that there are ships in the sky that are retroactively built by other programs within the United States government and China and Russia. Stuff like these triangles. So they're saying the stuff that we've been saying as theories for many years, it's real. Mm-hmm. But these triangles are government-made, and they are made to ape UAPs.
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And all the stories of UAPs, they bring up the jellyfish. I know you don't believe in the jellyfish. They look ridiculous. I know, but it's in there. The jellyfish are in there.
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They brought up a series of cubes. No, a series of orbs that traveled in a four-by-four cube formation. That was very interesting. The one where they said they found a giant circular UFO... hidden inside of a cloud bank. Okay. That was very interesting. Very nope. Very nope. But what did we not get? Anything. A single picture or a piece of this information.
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Well, I think that what we're seeing here is... The U.S. government does not necessarily want to say that we are spending billions of dollars trying to understand this stuff in the sky. That is not necessarily a threat. We don't know what it's doing. Then why can't we trace the money? Because this is the issue. Where's the money going? Who is benefiting? And we don't really know.
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This is the problem. How expensive is it to collate all this data? We know that Immaculate Constellation has a type of AI. that they use that sweeps the archives of all of these intelligence groups. And they pull the best of the best from all of these footages into one giant file. Like, they don't take it from them, but they copy it. So they have, like, proprietary software that is doing this.
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And they are... organizing this data. Like that was, what's really one of the interesting things about the breakdown from immaculate constellation was the breakdown of UFO types, what they've seen, what they've done over and over again. It's really interesting. Like they go from triangles to boomerangs, to orbs, to jellyfish, to what they call natural. Yeah.
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Tic Tacs are considered, uh, essentially orbs, but then they go to natural, which is no implants. Yeah. I mean, they bounce, but they go away. They naturals, which is like they look like weird, like amorphous shapes and stuff like that. But it's it's interesting in the fact that these people might get shot in the head or arrested if they're they tell this information. That's why it's so hard.
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So they're up against a wall of red tape that says you are you are guilty of treason. If this stuff gets out.
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Because it's considered to be the top, top, top secret technology that we have in our very last back pocket. So is that us then? Did we make this stuff and that's why it's treason? We don't know. We don't know. That's basically what they are alluding to. So somehow these objects know where our stuff is at all times. Because there's a possibility they're from the future. Who knows?
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The Tic Tac sighting from December 2017, we saw that video of the Tic Tac. When that went out by the ships, those ships had been there for two weeks. All of a sudden, this Tic Tac arrives.
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They said the only way they can really describe David Fravor, who came upon the Tic Tac, the only way you could describe sort of the reaction the Tic Tac had was that it was almost like it was surprised to see him there. It stopped at it in its tracks and then went opposite direction, came back, followed the plane at the exact same speed, then boinked, disappeared.
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And they're like, all right, what do we do now? They moved on to the next location of whatever they were working on because then they go to another collection point. Tic Tacs there waiting for them already.
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It's very—we don't know what the hell it is, but it's interested in us, and it might be either—it seems like there's a physical part of it that is mimicking what we do, and then some of it is our stuff, and we're making it look like UAPs.
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I think it's largely physical. I think they keep it off of these databases. And most of these databases aren't connected to the internet as you know it. They're connected into intra, like, LAN-based. Like, they don't go out. It's hard to get. They have their own internet. I think that this information is extremely difficult to get.
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We're going to have a blast. All of our friends are going to be there. We're going to be hanging out.
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And it's also, think that it's absolutely covered in misinformation and disinformation for the last 50, 60 years. So I think a lot of it's also, you got really good stuff mixed in with a bunch of fake shit. So I think that that has also been a truly— Because if you have one fake thing, it's all fake. It muddies the whole—it destroys the whole batch. Yeah.
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That's too bad. I'm already, I am already dead. I'm already dead. I'm a dead man. What should I bring to Thanksgiving? Dead man walking. Dead man walking. If you were going to bring a dead man. I'm going to say, if you're going to Thanksgiving this year, a good thing to maybe bring for the whole family is those dental dams. Oh, yeah. Teach your family how to use dental dams this Thanksgiving.
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So that's kind of, I think, how they do that, which is—and then think about every single time, you know, I love you and Marcus, but I show you guys the footage and everybody says it's fake, which I do understand— It looks silly. But if you go on the Internet, it's the same thing. Every single piece of every as soon as they put it out, everybody destroys it on its own.
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We're going to have a blast. And then Philly's completely sold out, so you can't see it.
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So what they have figured out is that we can just have the Internet and people debunk this stuff because they just don't want to. They don't want to believe it. So that's one way to maybe already destroy it. And then or putting out the things that are purposely false. The things that you don't see in this jellyfish video that Rob is now showing for you again, this famous video.
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Meatball covered in spaghetti. Dude, it's fucking, this is real. This is real, this jellyfish. And then what you don't see is eventually this thing sliding in the water with no splash and then coming back up. Yeah. So that's the other one of the other big revelations is just they are in the water and we don't know why they're in the water. We don't know what they do.
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We don't know what they come from. We don't know what their purpose are. We don't know if the U.S. government is actively working with alien intelligences. Probably not. I think that if they can't work with Marco Rubio, I don't know if they can work with an alien necessarily. You know, like you can't work with other normal, stupid ass fucking Congress assholes.
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Then how the fuck are we going to work with aliens? Well, maybe Trump will just deport him. Oh, Eddie, that's a funny Jimmy Kimmel joke. You take it down the street. Take it down the fucking street. I'd love to write for Kimmel. I mean, we all would. It's easy. It's easy.
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I mean, it's not even an update. I feel like, oh, this first story is really fucked up.
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Any alien news is an update. Yeah, for us. Yeah.
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Now, here's a good story. This one also came out last week, but I forgot to cover it. This lady has been called a power lesbian. Okay. By some sources. And I think that's inappropriate. The Daily Mail. I think it's inappropriate.
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I just booked Blair Sochi. It's very, very thick. I think I accidentally also booked another person as well.
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Corey Burke is a young woman that murdered the living fuck out of her father, Timothy Burke, 67, with an ice axe. And it seems that what happened was that she was pretty upset about the election. This is number... November 5th, police were dispatched to the area she lived at. Watch out, fucker. Yeah, be careful. Watch your power lesbian daughters. They're coming for you.
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You think they're all pacifists and pussies? Some of them get angry. So she had apparently, she was trying to tell her father, her shut-in father, Timothy, who was 67, was barely movable, moved in with her. So he was dependent on her, right? So he was dependent on her.
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and he moved in, and all he did seemed to be, he was, I'm going to do a little bit of victim blaming here and say that he was unpleasant, it sounds like.
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Of course, there's no excuse to murder him, obviously, but he was a Trump voter. And he was very proud of how well the election was going that evening for him. And what seemed that she said that she was in a highly emotional state. And then at the end, when she wanted to go to bed early at 8 p.m., he says he wasn't going to shut the lights off. He was going to continue to watch the election.
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She then proceeded. to murder him hardcore. She flipped out. She choked him to death with the ice axe by throwing him down on the ground, choked him with the ice axe, and then fucking hacked at him a bunch of times and he's fucking dead. So she came at him hardcore. Wow. Oh, yeah. And she said that she was upset. She first tried to say, I tripped. Oh, I tripped, and I killed him with an axe.
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We're going to figure something out, but it's going to be a hell of a barn burner. Come on down December 21st at the Masonic Lodge in Los Angeles at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
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You remember when the Menendez brothers tripped? Yeah. You remember? Man, what a loud trip.
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Yeah, it's what you use to clear up ice on your car and shit like that, I believe.
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This is why, I mean, Thanksgiving is coming up. Yeah. And the politics are going to be more polarizing than ever this year.
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Oh, yeah. White thorn rose. Outdoor grown huckleberry hill. You need that fucking blueberry caviar.
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You just need to chill to ever relive it. Fuck. Fuck.
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You don't need a permit. Yeah. You don't need a fucking handler's license. You don't need to conceal anything. You can just buy that at the store. Yes. And you can just equalize your family right there and then. I'm just saying, don't necessarily bring it to kill, but show them that you will. And she will die in prison. Oh, yes. Yeah, she's going to prison forever.
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I am going to say, looking at her haircut, she's not going to do well in there. Or great. I mean, whoa. What's that one? Is that why she was called the power lesbian? It's because of this picture of her? She looks smoking in this one. Yeah. Well, she looks good. I mean, she's an attractive person, you know. You know, she'll do well in, I mean, God knows. Who knows? Who knows? Good days, bad days.
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They just die, so just know. Okay, yeah, you're right, Eddie. Don't murder people. Just know that the hate that drives the people you dislike the most is killing them slowly. And that that man at 67 was not, maybe he wasn't that pleasant, but you could see about how he was driven to go back. He had to crawl back to his daughter's house to go live there.
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Dude, we are going to go to Gun Show. Gun Show? Gun Show is my favorite restaurant. One of my favorite restaurants in the country. Really? It's wonderful. All right. There's a bunch of stuff we can go do. I want to go to Gun Show. If you're hearing this, Kevin Gillespie, I know you listen sometimes. We need a resi, though.
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And that's the ultimate revenge is getting the control back. And then you traumatize them back. That's what you got to do. Take control of the narrative. Make it scary for him. I mean, make it scary for the people that are fucking hardcore coming at you.
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Yes. Very fancy. Wow. She then challenging stated that she knew that it needed to happen today and knew that there was something important about election day. She explained that she had just been reborn once. on her 33rd birthday last month. Oh, she might have been having some other mental issues. Deep mental issues. Oh yeah, you don't really just kill somebody over an election.
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The alleged killer went on to say that she, quote, wanted to help people change their attachment to their parents, but felt hyper-focused and disorganized when it came to her own attachments to her father. Yeah. And it's the most, like, McSweeney's way of explaining why you fucking murdered your father with an axe. That's pretty good. Yeah. That's pretty good.
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You know, I was working on my attachment style.
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Obviously, this is a senseless murder and it's absolutely horrible, but you know what this really is about? It's about a husband anticipating the needs of his wife. And the fact that A husband, a lot of times, is tasked to do... You might even consider sometimes... I'm not saying this about my beautiful wife or your beautiful wife at all.
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Sometimes a husband is tasked to do something he doesn't want to do. And he's told to do it, right? And he's told in a way to do it that you know... That stuff's on the line. Yeah. Right, to do it. And you don't want to do it. You don't want to drive across town. No. You don't want to do the thing that they're asking you to do.
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But it's like, but I'm going to say right now, as a husband, it's important sometimes you've got to do those things, right, every once in a while because it's important to show because that's how you get them back. Yeah. Right? They get them to do it back. In our marriage policies, we try to say yes to each other. We try to make sure we accommodate for each other. We try to help each other.
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She badges you in. Right? And so, Katherine Harper, the lady, she told her husband. Dang. Handle the situation. And her husband. Right?
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Now, again... As a man, horrible, horrible crime. As a husband, that's going above and beyond. And that is the kind of commitment, wrong way to do it, but that's the kind of commitment we as husbands need to show our significant others. Yes, and... How high? Oh, handle the problem? I want to see his fucking guts.
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Oh, Bernadette won't take over your shift for the weekend so we can go see Wicked like you want to before it's spoiled by your dumbass friends? Guess what? I'm going to go put her in a car all weekend. I'm going to fucking lock her up in a garage all weekend, man. That's a husband taking care of shit for his wife.
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This is just moments before. Moments before. He's got the white NLMFAO sunglasses on. No, that's an employee.
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Why is he so fancy dressed? This is a nice place. It's not fancy.
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You're a shithead poo-poo brain. Varsity is for drunk college kids. And there's other things to do. I'm going to take you to a better place.
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That's what I want to know. How botched was the pizza? Did it just say, your wife's a cunt and pepperoni on it? What's botched about it?
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Whoa, this is a big old fight, dude. Oh, yeah.
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No, it's her. What in the living fuck? How could this possibly be about pizza? She told him to go handle the situation. Handle the situation.
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Well, yeah, because he's getting stabbed a bunch. Yeah, the guy's backing up because the guy's got a knife.
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Wow, just leaving, man. Wow, just leaving, huh? Wow, no reaction. Oh, he had a knife in his back pocket. He also brandished a gun, too. Wow, he had both. Wow, really quite armed for the pizza store.
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You mean the moments before Natalie gets her pizza is when I'm most afraid. You know what I mean? That anger that comes. The anger before pizza is one of the most powerful, just fucking scary emotions.
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no no they saw you like and they saw you down and be like i gotta get away from this fucking little basket they got divorced on my 20th birthday oh nice that's actually nice that's fun then that means it wasn't your fault no no i was long if it's yeah if it's unfortunately and i'm sorry if you're under 10 listening to this if you get divorced then if your parents are going bye-byes it's your fault you did it you provided the stress that made them break up and they're gonna say that it's not your fault but it is
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They changed the Dodger dog. It doesn't matter, all right? I'm going to take you to better places. I promise you I'm going to take you to better places. But I'm a fucking hot dog. Speaking of places we've been to, we just came back from Humboldt County, and boy are my dreams tired.
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But you're not listening to this, and you better not be. If you're under 10 and you're listening to this, it's bad, and you're making your parents miserable.
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The first numbers you're looking for is 3712. That's an American Express. Get the silver one. Yeah, get the silver one. Because that always goes through. So if you could just do that, just make sure you go for the big one, ever the most important looking card. You just read those four phone numbers.
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This is how we do grassroots merch advertising. And outside for some listener emails. All right. I have a listener email. I got a little bit of pushback because we were slightly callous about that VR thing with the Korean mother. I still don't feel anything. People were upset. But I do think it's funny. I do think I get why you're upset, but also I don't know what to tell you.
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We did six hours of Yosef Fritzl material. No one complained. No. So that's fine. Mostly we were... I get it. Yes. We react to... Madness. Sheer insanity. Well, it's high emotion.
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So I feel like watching someone react like that, like I understand that this woman is traumatized and it's traumatizing to see, but there is something about this idea of having a VR, like meeting a loved one in a VR thing is an uncanny valley style that I just don't... of existence that I just don't... I can't wrap my head around. That would not make me feel better, what that person went through.
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But I got a great feedback about other VR abominations. Because I have friends. My buddy Chris Brown, who did all the puppets for Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell. He's a genius.
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Me and Ornthal go way back. But Chris Pratt, he lives in the VR. When he's not working, he's in his VR world. And I know that there's a lot of VR stuff that is... We're way outside right now. We don't know how deep VR has gotten. So here we go. See, we talked about horrible sex fantasy creations, but it's already there.
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Fuck, dude. We want to give a big, big old thank you.
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You see, the popular metaverse platform VRChat is not only a quote-unquote place with its own fascinating culture and history, it is also a breeding ground for every single crazy fetish and kink you can think of, and fetishes that were previously unimaginable before the VR era. You see, there's a practice called ERP, which stands for erotic role play.
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ERP has a large set of standardized software, hardware, 3D models and hardware to make the experience as close to sex in the physical realm as possible. It's full demolition, man. Yeah. So they got dick sucking machines. They have all that stuff. Now they can tug on you, right? ERP enables people to have sexual experiences in a safe environment.
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It also enables literally any kind of sexual experience you could imagine. The only real limiting factor for what kind of fetish creations is the amount of time an artist would like to spend in janky software making their creations. Some people spend huge amounts of money and time on models, worlds, and gadgets. These practices are frowned upon by the general community.
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We want to give a big thank you to Ridgeline Farms and Huckleberry Hill Farms that opened up their stuff.
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But it does not stop private groups from hosting in their own ERP platforms. These groups are tightly organized with their own security and age verification systems. Their activities range from standard casual sex and to sex battle royale games.
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to wilder events where people crank it to experiences of alien penile probe insertions while drowning inside of a tube, or six-titted spider giantesses' vore, where participants are swallowed and become the baby she is pregnant with.
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No, we're not weird. We are surprisingly milquetoast. Yeah. We are surprisingly normal.
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That's what we say. But otherwise, I'm just normal. These guys are all out there erping off. Oh, yeah, man. They're allowed to. But wow, Thanksgiving is now here. Yes. So I hope that you live every day knowing that. Carbs don't count on Turkey Day. And you're going to love the fact that you get to eat as much as you want for a little while.
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You know, no one could judge you unless, of course, you're Canadian or European. And that's wrong. You're wrong. I laugh at you, Europe and Canada, that you can't have it because our Thanksgiving is probably, I'd say, the top American holiday. Oh, yeah. I'd say that it's a tough American holiday.
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And that you're chumps and you don't get it. And I'm glad that we get it.
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All I know is I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the turkey giving its life. I'm thankful for the yams committing suicide so I can eat them.
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Yeah, but I do like it. I like it perched on the thing so they can get the proper heat underneath it.
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We didn't just... smoke weed and do dumb stuff.
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But I do kind of like it. I'm making a hard stuffing your mom's way this year. Oh, you are? Yeah, I'm going to make it her way where it's up your fucking ass.
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When I'm putting sausage in there, I'm making pork messes. Mmm. You're not coming for dessert. You're only coming until dessert.
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We sold 320 tickets in the middle of fucking nowhere. There's two restaurants. We had a blast.
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It is not fully set in stone, but I believe it is happening.
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Dad's Garage. We're going to be doing side stories. You're going to want to get your tickets for that immediately. Because it's going to be fully improvised, and we're not even going to be coming with stories. We're going to be taking suggestions from the audience itself. Is that what you want to do? Yeah. Fully improvised. All right, so we're doing no work.
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Yes, you fuckers. Hail Satan. And hail Kato. Have fun on Thanksgiving. Don't be a fucking... Let's not bring up the millennial genocide guilt.
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Oh, yeah. Literally, it is the group of most friendly murderers I've ever met. And they were wonderful. Thank you guys so much. But we have learned a lot about the plight of the small farmer. If you go out there... And you see Huckleberry Hill Farms when you're at your dispensary.
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If you go into a dispensary and you see Ridgeline or Huckleberry Hill Farms. Or Mottoli Valley Sun Grove. You buy that shit.
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They call them growers' joints. Growers' joints. They are the size of quarters. They are as wide as a quarter. It's amazing.
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Just generations of having their fingers roll joints and grow weed. But we talked at Huckleberry Hill Farms. This is like a generational farm. It was really amazing. We have no ties to them monetarily. We don't really. But they talk about how my father used to have to farm for weed with an AK-47 on his back. And now... He's sitting there in the full merch.
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You're right. Because it's been so, I've never used one. I've never seen one.
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So it is a wild, like, it really has been a long, strange trip that those guys have been on because it is fucking, it just turned legal there. Yeah. Essentially.
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I was like, oh, shit. But it was great, though. Honestly, we learned a fuck ton, and it was just what a fucking great trip. We can't wait to go back.
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More than we've had in a very long time. Yes, every moment that I'm sitting here at fucking work on Wednesday before Thanksgiving. All I want to be.
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I'm just going to get this done. I'm going to get back to my blueberry caviar that is sitting in my home. I know. It's so good.
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I think that's a great, great piece of advice. Wrap all your leftovers in it and jam it in your wife. Dude, I think that that's a great, great idea. I think also, it's a good, you know what is really great about dental dams?
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I was explaining this to Eddie. I think weed is the thing I'm the greediest over. Like, money, I don't care. Other shit, I don't care. But, like, weed, I'm like, that's mine.
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You share weed. Yeah, but still, I'm like, smoke. I keep my weed. I'm like, yes, yes, precious.
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It should be. It's just extremely difficult to get to. Yes. And so that is why it probably isn't yet. But also don't, you know, like, let's roll in there. Because they don't got quite the infrastructure yet for the amount of tourists that should be there. Yeah. But one day. And maybe that's where people could put some money because that's what it needs. It needs a couple of pharmacies. Yeah.
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It could be a couple of fucking coffee shops in there. Well, you know, if you build it, they will come. Yep. Come and they will build it. Come and I'll go there. Yeah. Come and I'm coming. Come and it will be stuck to your leg. Come and I'm covered in cum. Let's get into some stories. Do you think that's the plug they wanted? Yep. Come, you'll be covered in cum.
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Is that it's a really, really good way to save yourself some calories. for the Thanksgiving meal, so then you get the pleasure and the taste of eating it by putting it... You put the dental dam over your face, you mush the food into the hole where your mouth is, right? Yeah.
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We got a couple updates. I do have a couple updates. Number one update was, I thought that did make me laugh quite a bit, was the, we talked about at the end of last week's episode about the naked doctor that has done a bunch of fucked up stuff to his employees. Dr. Define was named Dr. Define.
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And he before his nudity problems, he was instructed by an HOA, his HOA of where his home was to remove a bush that was obstructing a stop sign. So what he did was he removed the bush and then put in its place a giant rooster with two giant balls in front of it. And he says roosters have balls. No, you see.
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But it's a funny play upon the fact that he said, you see, what happens is when I shave my bush, you see my dick and balls. Oh, cock and balls. Fun guy.
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He's a fun guy. And so he did this. The entire town actually kind of likes it. Yeah. Well, I mean, how do you not? They kind of like it. They think it's funny. But this was before.
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No. No, no. It doesn't have it. It's like it's a rooster that has two literal like basketball things in front of it. Oh, okay. So it's not attached to it. He's doing it like it's funny. It's truly cheeky. So now they want to get rid of it because he's a predator. Well, this was like last year. This is just more of a, this is what this kind of guy is like.
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Do we have to find a new home for this cock and balls? To be honest, I think that's the most innocent thing about him. Yeah, oh, for sure. It's what he got. He loves cock and balls.
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He definitely loves his own. He definitely loves his own. But apparently it really was a long-term abuse-like situation in that house, which is really, really funny. I'm glad they got him. And then what other updates? One less doctor in the streets. Yeah, I'm fucking sick of these fucking doctors running around everywhere. What's the other big update? Oh, the big, I mean, for me.
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And you can chew it all around, and you can get the juices sliding through around the dental dam in your mouth, but then you can just spit it out, and that's called a safer form of bulimia.
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But he said specifically it was like an incestuous thing that really shouldn't happen, that he was fucking his cousin for a while. I mean, like, you know, if you're not choosing to fuck your cousin, I think that's even worse.
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Imagine if that's how we had to get rid of our own. Nothing would make me happier. Like, if I just had to go, like, when my father finally passes and I have to go and it's just being like, well, unfortunately, here's Mr. Zebrowski Jr., Here's the government hacksaw that you will use to separate your father's limbs to get him in our new space saver economy caskets.
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I'm not going to, like, Kato obviously killed. Kato's a murderer, but that was also Kato's life.
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And so they flipped out. Really? They flipped out, and I'd say big ups to Kato. I hope you're up there feeding them whale blubber to the Icelandics that are in heaven.
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Wouldn't that be crazy? Would you get up to heaven as a whale and you should immediately get hunted by all the Vikings there? I think they have their own heaven. I'd like to think so.
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I talked about this morning with my therapist about how dogs have little consciousnesses. And I wonder, I don't know if necessarily even, I won't burden them with a soul, but I would say to them, they do have little minds.
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She's a reminder of all of us. Tootsie reminds us of, you know when they wheel out the 102-year-old, like the last living World War II vet or the...
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last living korean war vet yeah and they wheel him out and he's got like 90 medals on a little hat and he's like and he's saying horrible stuff under his breath all the different slurs that he learned back in the day and he can't say anymore but he thinks he's back then yeah you know i mean in his mind that's what tootsie's like tootsie reminds us to feel guilt yeah about being alive tootsie almost got sprayed by agent orange that's how old she is wow yeah
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17, man. Who are these old people you're showing us, Rob? These are Tootsie and Human Fork. Yes, these are literally looking at a pile of Tootsies. God help me, man. 117, man. Rambo's 91. 122-year-old woman, Jeanne Calmet, with that big old cigarette and a glass of champagne in her hands. God love her.
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That chick was fucking blowing people before World War II, and that's amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
You're supposed to put it over the vagina. That is the most graphic picture, Rob, to start today with. Oh, man, that is wild.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Pizza Problems
Wow, no, it wasn't. No, she's alive. Wow, July 2024. Yeah, she's going, dude. She's a madame. Madame Jean Carmel. We have like a half of... Do we cut her open and we check her fucking rings? How do we even know how old she is? You're just living in the redwoods.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
No. Is the guy, D'Amato, is he going to get in trouble? Amato. Amato, is he going to get in trouble? Are they going to extend his sentence?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Whenever, you know, I end up murdering you in Idaho, I hope they give me the firing squad instead of, you know, lethal injection. Why? Because I think the firing squad is way more humane.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah, I mean, I could only imagine. Yeah. So fucking funny. And there was the guy who murdered his wife during a conjugal visit recently, too. It does happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Well, there was the Tiffany's at Trump Tower, and apparently it was rumored that she was banging one of the security guards there. There's no way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Man, does that mean I'm committing myself here?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And there's no way to know if he's if because it's so, you know, they don't really say who it is in all the accusations.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And you ain't going nowhere in negative 58. No. I'll tell you that much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
10 more months they're going to be there. And then so until anyone's even going to get to them. So maybe, do they overpower this person? How do you do it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yes. Which, you know, that could have been a bacon-based crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And there's no real predators there. The polar bears, obviously, are only in the north and not in the south. And so this is like, they got nothing to really worry about as far as animals coming after them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah. If they decide to even go, why would they go? Oh, if they said that everybody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
The Antarctic Treaty System is basically what they do. And there's, I think, a bunch of countries signed a treaty in 1959 in order to, 56 countries basically got together and said, we will help make sure there's law here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah. I mean, who knows? Fucking I don't think we will have more information. I honestly doubt that because it's made international news at this point. Yeah. Person ain't letting anyone if they are going crazy and they are running this shit and they're not letting anyone send an email.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And it was a man holding down a woman, but man, that was crazy. She just started, at one point in the flight, she showed up hammered. I saw her getting really drunk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah. I mean, you can have a couple, but don't get blackout for when you're in the craziest situation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah. But otherwise... They'll let you on a plane fucking soused, man. They're not supposed to. I know, but they do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah, I know. When's the last time you got wedgied? I think I got wedgied in high school at some point. Yeah. We used to fucking beat each other up all the time. You roughed house with boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The worst thing I ever did this summer was I found a cup on the floor of the locker room and I put it in some kid's mouth. Disgust. Yeah, but he wasn't nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, the thing is, like, this guy, I'm not sticking up for the guy who killed the stepdad. Yeah. But the stepdad's being horrible to his mom. Yeah, of course. And he's... from the military, you would expect him to pop off. To pop off and beat the fucking shit out of him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah, I mean, you don't fuck with a Marine's mom.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
They also say that he staged the crime scene to make it more like an equal brawl.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gave himself... I think probably turned over some coffee tables, maybe hit his head against the wall or something. I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
You know what I love about this military.com article about the whole thing? What? It's just a whole article about how this atomic wedgie, you know, and everything went wrong. And then right up at the bottom, want to learn more about military life? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to sign up for the military? What are you thinking of joining the military? Look at the post-military careers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
We're keeping up with the military life and benefits. Military.com has you covered.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
I guess you can't have a safe word if you're surrounded by duct tape by the mouth and you're saran wrapped.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
No, I never put bags over my head as a child. Jackie and I used to put bags over our heads and go. Yeah, well, I don't think that's a good idea for any children listening. An 11-year-old who listens to our show came to one of my shows this weekend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
No, I don't know. You should be playing ball. Yeah, well, you know, he's like fun, but I'm just saying, please don't put bags over your head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Well, I mean, hold on. I'm not done talking about this. This is still, I want to stay on this for two seconds. She got charged with second-degree murder. Yes. Do you really feel like this is murder?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
I feel like, yes, she needs to face some sort of responsibility for what happened here because, obviously, they were very irresponsible at the very least.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
But she was laughing at his ass and filming it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
I mean, I now know what a YouTube iPod or Pod is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
I never heard about it before today, but then there's lots of people talking about it for over a year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Every single, for all. The worst thing you could think of in any way, it's worse than that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And I'm going to get a lot of pushback because there are obviously... We don't know how true the Dubai port-a-potty is if it's just like a fucking nightmare story. But it seems like enough people are talking about it where if it doesn't exist, it's going to be willed into existence.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
But it's one of those where... I mean, fuck, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah, Eddie. Yeah, I hate it so much. Yeah, it's not good. But, you know, I guess it's technically what we do here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to do at least one listener email. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Oh, thank you, nurses. I met the nipple twisting nurse on the road, by the way. Oh, you did?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
The Florida shows were amazing, dude. Well, the Jacksonville show, people came out, man. That was wild. We had over 200 people come to that show. That was fucking awesome. And then, of course, the Tallahassee show sold out. It was awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
926 bar. That's awesome. With some of the people who still work there. They were all so impressed by my knowledge of the layout of the place. That's so amazing. On stage, I was like, oh, you know, there's a drag queen with tits in there was doing coke, and then I had to turn them down. And then over here, that used to be the liquor store. Now it's just a bar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And then over here is where I threw myself through the wall when we had that telekinesis fight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
A fun story I learned about the place was they used to, because it's a gay bar in Tallahassee, so it's always like, you know, almost getting attacked by the community.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
It really does. Yes. It really does. And there was a rumor that somebody was trying to set up the owner of Brothers and that they had, when they, not necessarily when I crashed to the wall, but a contractor who would come to like fix a wall, they said that they hid cocaine in the walls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
So whenever they can call the cops and then have the place, you know, like shut down and shit like that and everyone go to jail. So when they changed over ownership, because the rumor was going around so hard and they knew like a drug sniffing dog, they were like, hey, let's just have the dog come in here and make sure that nothing actually happened.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And they said that when the dog got in there, it like basically when a drug sniffing dog is looking for cocaine, it like sits down when it finds it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
But it's doing great now. It's like a normal-ass club. It's a real venue now, and I had such a good time. Danny Bedrosian from P-Funk and some fierce band fucking rocked it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Dude, I was like, hey, Evan, you got any merch to sell? Go ahead. It was kind of like an empty gesture. Yeah, sure. And then he brought a lamp to sell. And then as like a joke, I'm like, oh, that's funny, you know, whatever. And then every show, people bought the lamp. Every single fucking time. He made like an extra hundred bucks on the tour. Okay. That's cold. Selling these goddamn lamps.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah, I know. We got a lot. Side Stories has lots of dates. The Huntsville show was a fucking wild success. So much fun. We're going to be in May 7th. We're going to be at the Fort Lauderdale slash Dania Improv, whatever it's called now. I think the name might have changed. But regardless, we will be there. Cannot wait. I'm very excited for that show. That's going to be my hometown show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And then the following day, we're going to be in Orlando, just two and a half hours north. Our favorite place. Yeah, at the Funny Bone. We sold that show out, but so we added a late show now. So if you weren't able to get tickets to the first show, there's now a second show available for you to get tickets at. And speaking of selling out the early show, we also did that in June at Dad's Garage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And then we added a late show to that as well. So make sure you go get the tickets for that because we're going to do two shows back to back. Thank God. I'm actually really happy we get to do that twice this year because we've never done that before. No, we have no idea what we're going to do. Yeah, I don't know. Especially because we riff a lot. So it's going to be interesting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
So it's actually worth it to come to both shows. It's like one long show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
I love that. That's so sweet. Yeah. Oh, man. Well, come on out to Detroit. It's going to be amazing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
I'm, like, gone every other week for the rest of the year doing shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
You've been doing so well that Henry actually replaced all the toilet paper with pita bread.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah. But, you know, we can give this story an old... Got him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
We will not rest until the streets are clear of bicycles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Oh, I fucking, come on. Happy face emoji is ruined by people 40 and over.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Sheep are technically strong, but they're gullible. Yeah, they are gullible, but they give us clothes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
And we're supposed to treat these animals like shit? And we don't want to be these animals?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Yeah. You really need to make sure they 1,000% love you before you get the life insurance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Oh, my God. This dude looks like a ghost that they hunt. He, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Atomic Wedgie
Has anyone talked to the, like, what channel are they on? Ghost Adventures. I think they're a travel channel. Travel channel. Has anyone talked to the executives of travel channels? See if they orchestrated this whole thing?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They just wanted to make sure that she was actually dead, I imagine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, oh yeah. You're hysterical. They slap you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not allowed anymore, but it probably worked on a couple occasions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, man. I hope they didn't miss their connection.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They didn't give them anything after this. Nothing. No. When are you going to go back to fucking Qatar? What are they, in Hamas?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah. No, for sure. For sure. You got to stop somewhere. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Did you get a chance to masturbate to the Jackie trying to scoop up JFK's brains? Yeah, I go, oh, fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
By the way, I went to the Grassy Knoll for the first time. Oh, congrats. Did they remove the X?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Have you all ever hung out there and walked around, though?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You're like, that doesn't even make sense. What do you mean? Your hotel key's a flashlight. So I was behind the fence on the grassy knoll, and I'm looking at the X. It's a perfect shot. Well, that's what they're saying. It's the perfect shot. It really is. So when you go and stand there, it's even like a good prop. It's perfect.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, very much. Oh, yeah. They try and take you around and show you shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Someone get Elon on the phone. Talking about blowjobs in the street to stealing millions and you being the person who did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It happened yesterday. We keep meeting under these crazy circumstances.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It's like you got gold chains and a gun, but you're wearing a $10 hat. It's fucking aggravating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
He wasn't like Mr. I mean, sad and angry isn't bipolar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
How many was it? Actually, that's a really good question. It's probably like 10 scientists. I'm guessing. This is me just guessing out of the top of my head. I'm guessing 10 scientists and their families.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, this one kind of pisses me off, and I don't know where I stand on it. I've actually gone back and forth in my head twice already, so maybe you guys can help me out. 35-year-old man terrorized the community of Surside, Florida with a Chucky doll.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Now, what I like is... He was standing outside of a market, and then he was, like, waving the Chucky doll at people, and then eventually he got arrested for disturbing the peace.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yes. But I want you guys to see the news report when we get a chance here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, he's literally running around outside this market holding a Chucky doll. I'm going to get you, motherfucker. I'm going to get you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, but, like, why does this man get arrested? And it's because he has a record, I think. He has a very long record, multiple DUIs. He has a couple of salt and batteries.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
What if it wasn't a Chucky doll? What if it was like a giraffe doll? Should it be allowed to do that? The giraffe's going to scare you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Man, I miss my Teddy Ruxpin, but I was angry. Whenever I tried to hug him, I'd give myself a concussion because it's a robot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
He's just telling me stories. Everyone else who tells me a story lets me hug him. Why can't I hug this guy? Look at him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I love you, Teddy. There's another story. We got one more of these stories. I figured you'd have some fun with this one, Dan. So... Gardai, or Gardai, I don't know. I don't speak Irish. No, you don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It is, yeah, it's... They're continuing to keep an open mind on the discovery of a severed hand at a school in North Dublin on Friday. It is understood that a human hand may have been dropped into a schoolyard at Our Lady of Immaculate School in Darndale by a bird from its beak on Friday morning. This sounds like an Irish folktale.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, a prominent theory in the investigation is that the hand may belong to a local male child who suffered a horrific burn injuries in a gas container explosion at a bonfire on Thursday night.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They could not definitely confirm at this stage that the hand was discovered at the school belonged to the boy. Check his wrist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It looks like dumb Shaquille O'Neal dropped his hand here. Maybe the bird was just trying to bring the hand back to where he thought it belonged.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
all their fault but still i want the bratwurst i want bratwurst so bad i don't care who has to die for me to get it also i don't you know i just don't care i've recently julie showed me pictures of when she went to germany recently when way before we were together and she was like dressed in a bunch of like german lady clothes you know like the white shirt with the you know the chest heaving a little bit you want to have sex with a hummel figurine
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But how do they not know if it's the same child?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I mean, it blew off from a gas canister explosion, so I imagine it ain't pretty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, they're all just so very cool. Well, school was not in session, so no children saw the hand, so that's nice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Remember all the places that would sell chickens all over New York?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
She looks very good when we dress her like her people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I always wondered if those were more expensive than a rotisserie chicken at the store. You never bought one? No, I never bought a live chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah. Bang. I just got hungrier. Did you cook it, or did we, like, use it for a sketch or something? We used it for a sketch. Oh, okay. This is where Murderfest was getting all its props back in the day. We had a pig head one time that we did a photo shoot with. I remember that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You were hardcore Fucking art no the audience doesn't know that fucking real didn't look real I remember it being really thin and be like oh that doesn't look
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I love that guy. The liverwurst sandwiches. Those things would slow us down. He made his own liverwurst. Do you eat liverwurst? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I mean, French's is a shitty mustard. There's nothing stupid about it. The yellow mustard? Let's not get into any of that. I mean, the deli mustard, if you're going to have mustard, you eat deli mustard. You like shitty... Yes. He's allowed. He's allowed. You're allowed to do whatever you want. I'm just curious why somebody would.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I mean, you would look good as a little boy dressed as a little German boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I mean, just get a bite, you know, and then you throw the rest in the trash like a real American. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
So there was this part, I want to hear about this. This kind of relates to what we're talking about. There was a wild game dinner in rural Pennsylvania this week where they ate crow. Okay. They had bear stew, raccoon adui sausage, stingray casserole. You ever had skate? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, it's just fucking- No, it's like- It's a difficult- There's not much going on there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You have to pull all the meat out of all the bones. This shit sucks. Yeah, they have rabbit kielbasa, snapping turtle salami, smoked eel, beaver shepherd's pie. Ugh. Ugh. Goose and sauerkraut?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
It's rat meat. It's rat murder. Oh, man. But they say the things they have the biggest trouble cooking is predators like fox and coyote. They said they have a coyote smoked ham and then half the people loved it. Half the people hated it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They're dog adjacent for sure, but they live a different life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, yeah. I just get in there and, like, squeeze as hard as I can with the handshake and just be like, hopefully that's good enough.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'll be a little Jewish, you know, like running from, you know, hiding in the woods.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
My first ones of a toilet. Whoa, he's a murderer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, I'm thinking more Daniel Craig from Defiance.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Gatorade looks like piss and I drink it anyway, is what he said.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I got one here. Is this him explaining how it's okay for him to call Priscilla even though she's only 16 years old?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
And here's one of Elvis giving her father a Cadillac.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Please listen to the Soder podcast and check him out. He's on tour this weekend in San Diego on the 28th at the Balboa Theater. Which is a great theater. Great place to see his show. And then you're going to be in San Francisco on the second or the first? Yeah, second. On the second, San Francisco, the Palace Fine Arts Center. And then, of course, Grand Rabbits, Michigan, Gilda Fest on March 8th.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Go check out Dan Live, one of the best comedians on earth. Your HBO special is literally the only special I've watched twice. Oh, thanks, dude. So good. I fucking love it, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
He's the best. Nothing makes me happier than old New York buddies, man. I love them. They really, it just warms my heart. Yeah, it's good to see him still around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
He was amazing. I had such a good time talking to Misha. He was so fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, and next week we got Hoopagoo Games coming back on March 6th with MJ Neffel, the wonderful Rob Hayes and Olivia Grace. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
H-U next Tuesday. We're going to Huntsville, baby. Come out to Huntsville. Yeah, March 16th. We're going to be fucking chilling there. Side Story's going big, baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
We are coming from hot chicken to schnitzel, seeing what's better. I'm very excited because we're going to be in Nashville with Last Podcast at the Ryman two days before that on March 14th. I'm done with hot chicken.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah, you get mild. Yeah, what are you talking about? Don't get the ridiculous one. It's delicious. I think it's your fault. I like barbecue. No, the last time I went extreme with it, it was very bad for me. You can't do that, man. It's bad for you. Also, right after Huntsville, I'm going down Florida, baby. I'm starting my invasive species tour on March 20th.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'm going to be in Jacksonville the 21st and 22nd. I'm going to be in Panama City and I just found out It's going to be spring break. Ooh, yeah. If you want to watch your boy get destroyed by a bunch of drunk, horny 18-year-olds.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
They're going to rip me to shreds if they do come. And then the night after that, on March 23rd, I'm going to be in Tallahassee, Florida with Danny Bedrosian back at our old stopping ground. What used to be Brothers. So fun. It's now the 926 Bar and Grill. I'll be playing there. All those tickets are available on eddytoons.com. Also, we're going to be doing, in May, I'm going back to Florida.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'm doing some shows in Naples and Key West by myself. But in between that, Henry and I got a couple side stories live.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I've done that place a little. Dania Beach Improv is a great comedy club. I really love that place. I've done it a million times with Jeff. And I can't wait to come back home and see my people. And I'm going to be there. I got the public's jokes in hands. You guys are fucking ready for it. Yeah, can't wait. And then also, Atlanta, we added a second show at Dad's Garage.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
So make sure you check that out. We sold out the first show, and we haven't actually announced this yet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
The tickets are on sale. Make sure you go check it out. They are available at lastpodcastandleft.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yes. No, they're going to be a different show. So if you want to come to both, they will be different. Yes. Which means that Henry and I are going to riff both of them. Yep. And it's going to be, you know, but you're going to help us. They're going to have a structure. You're going to see. There'll be a structure. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Why are you doing it with me and Rob? You should be doing it with your wife. Well, I come here, I cook the ideas around, and I present them to Julie later once they're fully cooked. See, this is good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I bought her a German hat once, like one of the ones that kind of looked like Peter Pan a little bit. She wasn't happy about it. She didn't like it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
You weren't a lost boy? Now she's a found woman. Yep, she is. And he found her. And I'm really glad we explored that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Oh, they have the local Mill Arts Center. Yeah, lots of artists and studios. They have a handful of galleries to check out. They have a record store and a dude who makes cigar box guitars. Huntsville Space and Rocket Center. We know they won't let us in there. We've already asked and they said no. Yeah, they won't. NASA said Henry can't come. I can't go anywhere. I can't come.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
And they're right, because you can't, right? When was the last time you actually... Oh, I come. Yeah. I come, my friend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, it was what NASA told us, no. It was D.C. NASA, so maybe Alabama NASA has smaller scruples. Technically, the California NASA said that they might. But our connect there got a new job. And so, yeah, so our LA NASA connect got a new job. So we can't take us no more.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
No, it's how Carrie Fisher died. She had a heart attack on the airplane.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Yeah. No one did anything. Well, I think they punched her in the chest a bunch of times. They tried to save her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But sometimes it happens, and honestly, these people are all traumatized, but I actually think it's kind of fun. It's amazing she couldn't force the plane to land. Right? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
But you can't do that in the air. You've got to put it on airplane mode. You do. You're right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Was she doing the dead body thing and shitting and puking and pissing and stuff? The dead body thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, I mean, when someone dies, you just shit yourself, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Maybe that's what was keeping her alive. Oh, sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I think, yeah, the first hour would be kind of tough, but once you get used to it. It's just a dead person. Yeah. They're just sitting there. It'd be different if the dead person haunts you forever. The baby, you get relief as soon as you're not by it anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
Well, the thing is... I didn't go to war. No. Well, yeah, those were normal dead bodies. They weren't, like, hacked up or anything like that. I think this woman... I don't know why they put her in that seat. Why not just put her in a bathroom?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Soder Stories
I don't know, though, because... I mean, definitely, if there's more than one bathroom, you jam her in the bathroom, you shut the door so no one has to see it. That's exactly what you do. No. Yeah. No. Yes. Or you find a way to put her down with the luggage so she stays cold.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And she's winking at me, winking at me. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
She died. When did Kelly Preston die?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Sounds like when the bitch on the shelf, yeah, man, goes caroling. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
I showed it to Jeff last year and I love Trapped in Paradise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's upsetting. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's about a suicide hotline. Yeah, no, it's very upsetting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Killed and sold to a butcher. Like, that's the thing. Or does that make this my favorite Christmas movie? You know what I mean? What the living fuck? Oh, God. Abe Vigoda's in it. Understated masterpiece. I love Abe Vigoda. It's a magical reindeer. How the living fuck is it held by the rules of man? Yeah, chop it up and eat it. Chop it up and eat it for Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It takes place during Christmas. What? Yeah. I mean, a naked fight on Christmas is what I'm here for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
And I love Viggo Mortensen. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
It's so fucking sad. That's why I like it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Who's he banging now? He's banging Pamela Anderson. Yeah, dude. No makeup Pam Anderson banging Liam Neeson? Yeah, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
Yeah, but so was The Wizard of Oz. Exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We think at the end of this, they're going to be like, what? She killed those fucking kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I would have changed my goddamn phone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You know, a lot of people immediately... And the name of the dad. And the boy. And the ghost. And the enchanted...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I mean, they're still deliberating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
If I can give you a little brighter side to this, if she does get off, first of all, she's in prison for the rest of her life no matter what, so it doesn't even matter. But if she does get off, I think it'll influence a lot more idiots to defend themselves. Always.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
The answer should be in by now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Where you can monologue at the jury. She can. Both of us almost said audience.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We're such fucking performers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
The poll on Law and Crime Network, 28,000 votes. Guilty by 94%. Not guilty, 2%. Hung jury, 4%.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But she's dressed nicely, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
fucking deserves. So what happens if she's not guilty? Just like there's this flawed justice system and that's it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Does the case open back up and they start looking for Charles Fallows' murderer again?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
So Alex probably was murdered as well, but there's no way to know for sure. No way, no way. Especially if he died the same way as Tammy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, that's right, because they dug her up and they found the marks on her and all that shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
They found the bone broken in her throat. That's right. That's right. That's right. It's almost like we did a whole thing about this. It's almost like we did a month on this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
All right, so this is some future news. I can't even believe this story. It's just wild. This is like what we can expect for shit like this to start happening. Woman posing as ICE agent kidnaps exes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
wife yeah this is like this is a full-on like she had a costume and a character the whole thing all right with detentions by immigration and customs enforcement agents in the headlines a woman in florida decided to don an ice shirt and kidnap might have been icy it might have been uh like oh yeah like the old sloppy shirts and kidnap her ex-boyfriend's
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Wife Latrance Battle, 52, showed off the shirt and held a handheld radio when she showed up at a hotel chain where the woman worked on April 10th, according to Bay County Sheriff's Office. She also allegedly presented a business card indicating that she worked for the sheriff's office and told the employee she was there to pick her up. This is too easy. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
The victim, in the process of becoming a legal U.S. resident, got into the vehicle with Battle, believing her to be a real ICE agent. So she's just terrified, and she gets in there. Once in the vehicle, the woman tried to call her husband and lawyer, but Battle forcefully snatched the phone from her hand, deputies wrote in the arrest affidavit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
They added the victim became suspicious after Battle drove past passed the sheriff's office, and made comments indicating the woman would have to suffer the consequences of her husband's actions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
She took her to an apartment complex and then she was able to contact a resident there who called for help. So not a red roof in. So someone saw that she was in trouble and they called the police for her. So that's nice. Oh, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
When the woman was able to speak to her husband again, he told her the apparent ICE agent sounded a lot like his ex, a woman he said attacked him at his job two years earlier. So that's her move. She shows up at your job and fucks with you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
She doesn't know the rules of Mafia. She just knows the rules of ICE. Yeah. Show up to our schools, apparently. That's what they like. Then she was fleeing to Alabama. She got caught, and she was charged with kidnapping and commission of a felony, robbery by sudden snatching, impersonating a law officer, and the commission of a felony and felony violation of probation. So she's fucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, I think it's good. If you're going to commit a crime, I think it's good to have a goal. It's like writing a book.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
They're about to let Lori Vallow off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
He probably had everything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, no, that's what I hear.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah? Oh, yeah. That's very nice of him. That's good advice. My buddy's dad taught me how to fight, and when I got my car, he gave me a cue ball. And then he was like, I was like, what do I do with this? He's like, oh, you keep it in your trunk in case anyone tries to run from you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That makes me upset. That's why I can't watch sports anymore. I know. I just can't watch children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But yeah, no, I mean, this guy, he fucking. How you doing? And then rips his goddamn eyeball. I mean, he was obviously doing bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But that's crazy. It is really crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You might have had big sockets. I think your eyes are so deep in your head, they'd be really hard to get out. Super hard to get.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
My eyeballs are always moving around. We need some grill tongs to get them out. But after he fucking took this guy's eyeball out, he fell to the ground, started screaming, my eye, my eye, my eye. And then he just started punching him in the face and broke his fucking jaw. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Don't talk to anyone past midnight. Again, I'm victim blaming. No, this is advice. This isn't victim blaming. This is just straight up advice. Well, I will say, you don't do the head nod to any kind of man? Head nod, you know, that's only, like, literally, a head nod is like, am I supposed to be scared of you right now?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That's what a head nod is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Do you think he was whistling?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
New York Yankees? What is that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I think he covered up a teardrop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I got a teardrop tattoo next to my brown eye for all the dookies I've slain. Ugh. Goddamn. It's the poor tattoo artist having to get in there. It's a god. He was able to model it after his own teardrop. Whoa. Because he was crying. Lonely teardrops.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It was written by Barry Gordy. Man, what a great time at the Motown Museum. Yeah, we went to the Motown Museum. We had a great weekend. And Detroit's wonderful. Yeah, we had a fucking awesome time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
What was that place? Hot Sam's? Hot Sam's. I told you all about Hot Sam's. Dude, Henry and I are looking sharp. Not right now, but when we want to dress up again, we bought some really nice clothes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
That was a very cool place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Sina Ghaznavi is the smartest person I know. He is very smart. Well, him and Marcus, but that's no offense to either one of you, but they're smarter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Travis is great everywhere. Travis is great everywhere. But I love the forum report because it really does show every side of the news.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And we're going to be jawing with him a little bit. That's right. Yeah, because we're going to promo and talk about our eventual, like multiple shows we're doing in Contact in the Desert. Multiple shows.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It's going to be amazing. And we're going to be out there from, I believe, May 30th to June 2nd. Yeah. I think is the correct date. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
we got our whole comedy show and then we have our last podcast property show where we're going to interview and we're going to have a good time we're better we fucking better yeah man I love this shit Contact in the Desert is such a like crazy fun experience I love it it was last year when we did it it was like the time where I was like oh my god this is like I'm involved in something crazy oh yes so here we go now we will hear from Captain Ron fly from your grave
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You know, JD Vance is like wondering why he's not answering. He's like, this motherfucker's stonewalling me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You can't put George Knapp out there. Yeah, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Knapp's hardcore. Oh, I know. I've seen the documentaries. He's a man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Never. Never. He hates it. I'm a novice. First of all, I'm going to get that out of there. I'm not an expert in this field. I'm very much a student, and I'm having a great time learning. Contact in the desert really taught me a lot and opened up my eyes less.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I saw you, like, running stuff last year. You were, like, emceeing. Like, oh, it's like... It's like, oh, there's Nick Pump. Come on up here. You bring him on stage. You make him uncomfortable. Answer some questions. Love it. I love it. It was great. It was like a true, like, oh, no one reminded me of Playboy After Dark.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No one has ever said that about Content in the Desert before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I will. But it's like, yeah, you're just walking around. You know what? You're schmoozing with people. You lean on a table like, hey, Whitley, how you doing, buddy? What's going on?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
So let me ask you something. As someone who obviously believes you're the owner, co-owner of Contact in the Desert, you've never had an experience. Are you like actively looking at the skies or you just go about your day?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
pretty freaking believable man i mean travis walton's but honestly the thing that switched me at contact last year because it's just like the other guys have no reason to lie the other guy they all told the same story and i love that like travis walton when he gets out of the car he's he's looking at the ship and he's talking shit he's yelling at him he's throwing shit he's fucking screaming they kicked his ass they brought him up and then he comes back without a scratch
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I need to see it large for me to know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
all the ant it's like well no that's why i like travis's case i like these individual okay one time with you know what maybe yeah that's very plausible and it's not like he was into it beforehand you know like it's right you know that's none of those guys were they didn't even know about this yeah and so that's what that's what's convincing to me and also it's just you the problem is with all this is if you're gonna take it seriously you do have to listen to everybody
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No matter how absurd it sounds. And you have to investigate. You have to take it all seriously. You have to investigate all of it. And it's very time consuming because a lot of people come in there with crazy stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Maybe a different fucking outfit would help them be better fighters. No, that's how you know they're fighters. Those sleeves are not good for fighting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It's like they released a Tic Tac footage. We've seen that, you know, with everything that was going on with the drones last year. So it's not like the American public hasn't seen, you know, footage that is extremely credible from the government. And what was the response?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Has anyone ever brought in anything physical?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
What about like a skull or something?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It's nice. It's nice. Well, that's France. Stole my joke. Yeah, but you deserve it. I love how they're like, okay, he's 5'8", but we need a 6'5 casket for the hat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Well, five's still there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I hate these fuckers. It's really weird that I ended up here. I hate those fuckers. And after this, heaven. Is that it? So let me ask you, is anyone going to be talking about the drone thing this year? Because it seemed to go completely unanswered. The drone thing went away, didn't it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah. Yeah, and now we're just pretending like nothing. It was the only thing anyone was talking about at the beginning of this year. I know a lot of crazy shit has happened in the news, especially like the Pope died yesterday and stuff, but... I mean, like, come on. Like, does anyone have a report? Does anyone, like, what are we learning here?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I'm disgusted you were even called. Did you get any, what was the response from our show? Did you get any complaints? A lot of negative stuff. Yeah, good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And that's fine. Yeah, it's entertainment when we're up there. You know, we are the entertainment. They're not coming to us for expert opinions. We don't have doctorates. We have Ross Colhart for that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, my gosh. I loved being in that pool. It was a great time. Now, I got to say, I was outside at another event. It was very nice. You guys had, you played E.T. outside for everybody, the families and all that. That was great. That was really nice. But during the E.T. showing, there was some crazy crap happening in the sky. There was a bunch of blue stuffed animals.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah. Something happens. All right. Something lands on the golf course. What's the protocol? Who do we send?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Do you not do that? Is that not how you research, Captain Ron?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I'm going to try to do that this year.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Here, show them this one. Yeah. So I found this one. This one is like, so I'm always on the search because we do the show together and I'm always want to find something for Henry. And I was sitting there, I got some shows coming up in South Florida. And so I'm like literally looking at the newspapers, who's writing articles about comedy, trying to get in the promo my show. So I find this one guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
His name, he goes by Lacrosse Writer. His name is David Osborne. He did not respond to my request to put me in the Naples News. But he, on the front of his page, which is a private page so I can't show it up there, but I made him be my friend, has this footage that just looks amazing. I can't explain this footage. And here's what he wrote.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
This is the first video I shot after seeing something odd in the sky at 4 p.m. This is a guy not connected at all. You know, he's literally an entertainment writer in Florida.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Whether it's a UFO or UFP, the object was quiet and moved slowly, changing shapes. Here you can see it morphing into a geometric sphere before moving to the left, southeast behind the tree. There was a little to no wind that day with temperatures in the low 70s. All right, so here it is. Here's the footage. Well, morphic shape right there, that's an odd behavior for a balloon or anything else.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I like that no one has really seen it or knows about it. There's no reason for anyone to look at it, and this guy's risking his career not for likes, just for like, this is what I saw in my backyard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Or if he, like, if possible, wake up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I don't know for sure. I'm an idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Shut the fuck up. Go back to sleep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
It's my turn, Papu. It's my fucking turn. I'm in charge.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Do you think Harry Reid knew more than he was?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
For sure. He's the guy that put the money into that program, the program. Yeah. Because I know he worked with it and he was always trying to find out what was going on. But at the same time, again, I don't think he was always interested.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, great. Thanks, buddy. I know about all your crimes and I forgive you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, we definitely do. We definitely do. Absolutely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Oh, I mean, it's a disaster every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
May 29th to June 2nd, we're going to be out there at the Renaissance. It's going to be a frigging blast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck that bitch. Until Alec Baldwin dies this evening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Well, fire up the mics. Lori Vallow, guilty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And she's not sentenced yet. The sentencing is still to come, correct?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Hey, Invasive Species, Ed Larson tours Florida. I'm coming. Are you ready? Naples, Off the Hook Comedy Club, May 6th. You got to come. It's a Tuesday. What the fuck else are you doing in Naples on a Tuesday? All right. I'm Fort Myers. I'm talking to you. Marco Island, get your ass. All right. Sarasota, it's a drive. But if you want to come, I'll say hi. I like Sarasota.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeah, I know, but it's just far from Naples. But they're on the west side. Maybe they want to come down Bradenton. Who knows? Bradenton. And then May 7th, Henry and I are doing Side Stories live. Yep. From the Fort Lauderdale Improv. Come and check that out. Jackie Zabrowski is going to be joining us now. We're going to be going ape shit. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
These side story shows have been off the fucking chain, dude. Yeah, dog. I've been having so much fun with these. And then the very next night on May 8th, we're going up to Orlando. We got two shows. The first one's already sold out. So get tickets to the late show at the Orlando Funny Bone. That's going to be Henry, myself, and Jackie Zabrowski, of course. And then I'm going down to Keys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Yeehaw, he's going to drink himself to death with all them, what was it, nine-toed cats? Six-toed cats. Asshole. Now I'm going to be down there from May 9th to the 11th, and I want to give a little thank you to We've Got the Keys for helping me promote the show. They've been promoting it for me, and it's very cool. They're very cool guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
They produce lots of Key West stuff, including Fantasy Fest, so check them out on socials. On... June 28th, Henry, Marcus, myself, we're going to be at the Coca-Cola Roxy in Atlanta, Georgia. The following night, Henry and I got two side story shows. Once again, back to back. Dad's Garage. First show, guess what? Sold out, motherfucker. So make sure you come to the late show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Those are going to be completely improv. Usually we at least think of the subjects ahead of time. These shows, we're going to a proper improv theater, and so we're going to do, We're making them up. We're making them up. You're going to like it because it's going to be fun. So bring some suggestions, you fuckers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And then, of course, all the way in November, on November 3rd, crimewaveatsea.com slash last. Go and get on the ship, baby. All right, we're going to have fun. We got shows. We got meet and greets. Oh, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
So go get those tickets. Yeah, come on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
And literally, we have no idea what we're going to say, so it'll be fun. And then, of course, come hang out with us and Captain Ron at Contact in the Desert, May 29th. He's a good hang. Through June 2nd. Yeah, very cool. Cool guy. Yeah, we're going to get drunk. Yeah, so come on out. That's at the Renaissance all the way out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We'll talk to you next week. Yeah, because I got to take a shit. Yeah, you can take your shit, man. It's fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Poopoo train, poopoo! Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Also, the Catholics, you know, they could use a little refresh, a little sprucing up of
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I'm in prison for child molestation. You go ahead and suck my feet, Pope. Is it okay that I'm like super old? Yep. Do you mind that I'm old?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
I'm still going to suck on them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You know what's a big no-no? Having sex with children. That's a big old fat no-no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
The next one's... Mourning as in it's, you know, it's early. It's 2.15. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We might have our first American pope. I forget the guy's name. Oh, great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Just put a hat on a Roomba?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
But they didn't like how he, that Francis approved of same-sex couples.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
You know what I like about Francis's death? A thing that he did that I find to be kind of cool is he said that there's always a private viewing for all the Cardinals. And he was like, fuck that shit. They don't get that. Take anything away. Change anything is all I'm saying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
Did they have like a class and they all made their hats together and now they have to wear it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
See, that's the difference. That's original horror movie, big budget, R, made some fucking cash, dude. That's the fucking news. This is a great year between this and The Substance and Nosferatu. This is a fucking big year for horror movies coming back to the mainstream where they fucking belong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
We have a couple minutes left. You never know what's going to happen. Rob's watching. I don't think we're going to know for a week. I think there's one fucking asshole in there being an asshole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's the best, right? Yeah, and he's got fucking Lay's potato chips in your bag and granola bars and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No, but that's like the Stooges joining the Beatles. Yes. We didn't know. It's not going to happen. It's the Yankees. The Yankees of- Dallas Cowboys. They are of comedy. Of comedy. Everyone, that's why everyone hates it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, because Chris Farley died and John Belushi died and they were scared you were going to fucking drink and do cocaine to death. I also think that, to be honest, the vibe of the show changed. Completely. And what they wanted... It stopped, like, it started, like, that's when Saturday Night Live went from... being silly to only saying things that are politically correct.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Which they don't even let the cast members do anymore, which makes me insane. Why would they? Every time there's a new fucking impression to do, they bring in some A-list actor instead of using the cast. That they fucking hired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You would have wore it as a badge of honor if someone called you that back then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I just can't believe Lindsay Shookus came after you like that, man. Well, now I've learned. To me, like, that's fucked up. Because that's, I mean, like, it's the ultimate, no offense, it's the ultimate punching down from a gatekeeping powerful person. And, like, that fucking shit pisses me off, dude. Sitting there, like, looking like a fucking, I've seen prettier things flopping around on a dock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
How long do you think it took for them to get the hook out of her mouth before the interview?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
So that is what I do. And not just that. After that, you get... You become the star of a television show. Dude, I got... Directly after that, you get Wolf of Wall Street. You're in a Martin Scorsese film. It's fine, buddy. It's just funny. But then they're like sitting there pretending like you're a nobody. You're a CEO of a million dollar company.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They just don't... It's fine because they don't... It makes me so crazy. It's because we're below... We are below them, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, it seems like she was just being nice. Yeah, it was. But that's how, like, suicidal parrots act. You know, when they're picking their feathers off and stuff. Oh, yeah, molting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They were forcing him to be a mainstream director. He was... Also, he's told to. This is very similar to the SNL thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They said you weren't going to make it because you were too big.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Behind you and in front of you, right? Yeah, and if you're on the steps of the Capitol.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Because it's like, you know, he took everything. First of all, overacting was good acting with him. I love that shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's like, you catch up to me. I watched Lost Highway this week. And I've been going through Twin Peaks, which is an odd timing to be doing that. But I watched Lost Highway in honor of Lynch. And man. It doesn't make any sense, but I love it. It fucking slaps, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You've seen Rabbits? I don't even know. I mean, I love Rabbits. You know, there's Rabbits 2. No, you should look up his Rabbits thing. It's fucking really fucking weird. Is it a movie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, I was waiting until I finished the second season before I did Fire Walk With Me. That seemed like the right move. Yes, watch it all together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Well, yeah, exactly. That was the producers who made him solve the murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You know what I was enjoying this week was his music. Dude, he's wild. I was listening to his music a lot while I worked this week, and it really kind of put me in such a fun, weird state. He'd also make his own props. A lot of stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I mean, I feel like anyone could. I mean, you're not even allowed to anymore. No one's going to give you any money. You have to have the fucking prestige behind you in order to get that shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
The chicken dinner scene in Eraserhead is one of my favorite moments in film. I just think we've got to start making a run.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, especially as a leader, as someone who's buying our country. I don't know, but you know what? That's innocent mistakes. Innocent mistakes. Innocent mistakes. He's from South Africa. He doesn't know what Nazis are. No, they have something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Very much. Well, horror always follows the world. Like how the purge started during the last election and stuff like that. Or two elections ago. It all mirrors society at all times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Also, if you make something and it's not successful, oh, well, make something else. It's just keep moving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
food yeah and if they not getting it they're just slurping it down that's why everything's called binging all this kind of fucking horseshit is that it's slurping down oh my god slop and it's like no david lynch made food they're making there's reports where netflix is like making television so you can watch you be able to like look at your phone while you're watching it so you won't miss anything that's just depressing
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, yeah. That is super depressing. Now, we're talking about David Lynch. You know, I just wanted to give a real quick shout out. Garth Hudson also passed away. I know. We love the band. I love the band. If you ask me who my favorite band is, I usually say the band. Garth Hudson's the last surviving member. The oldest, crankiest one was the one that outlived everybody. That's how it goes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
If you ever watched The Last Waltz or anything like that, he's the long-haired, bearded, crazy-looking scientist dude who's playing, like, five keyboards at once. Yeah, he does Chest Fever, one of my favorite songs. Oh, my God. He's so fucking good. Garth Hudson, he was amazing. I love him with all my heart. In the band, when they asked him to join the band...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He didn't join the band because he couldn't explain to his parents that he was joining a rock band. So he charged everyone in the band $10 a week to pay him for music lessons. So he told his family that he was a music teacher and not a rock and roll star. Ha ha, that's fucking hilarious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, and so he was that kind of guy, and he was a very insular, very private man, and you were amazing, Garth Hudson. Thank you for everything. Seriously. All right, let's do a couple stories before we do the fucking... I got one more thing. We got a new show, new side stories. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're in Huntsville. All right, yeah, we're in Huntsville on March 16th. It's a Sunday.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We're going to be in Huntsville, Alabama, right? That's two days... after our Nashville show at the Ryman. So make sure that, which is going to be on the 14th of March. But yeah, we're going to be in Huntsville, Alabama at the VBC Mars Music Hall. And I want to say right now, NASA, fucking come for it, bro. You want some? Oh, you're going to fucking... We're coming to your town, bro.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You got no excuse. I want you in front of me, NASA. You come for fucking my boy? I'm going to ask you questions about the fucking moon. You're going to turn you into fucking Lindsay Shookus, bro. You ain't shit, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, really? What's going on? I feel like every week, family annihilators have turned into the new dog fucker. I know we also have a dog fucker this week, but we're not going to talk about it. But just know, he's a man from where, and they call him a wereman, and he's trying to be a werewolf. That's my only joke. Disgusting. And I'm staying away from it, but there is a dog fucker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We're not talking about it, because we have to talk about this. Another family! annihilator.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's actually, you know, How much everyone hates their family. I don't think that's that bad. Every five days. Now, does this count for 20 days? Because four people were killed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It was, but it was in the kitchen. Well, you know what they say about eating at casinos. What? The mouse always wins. Funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's just a man with cargo shorts. Just wearing shorts to the inauguration in a hoodie?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It could be... But then you have to have a closed hand. I guess that that goes out. You might be right. You might be right. It's a bad throw. Everyone knows classically you throw like a football like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You know who loves cigarettes? Pittsburgh. Oh, my God. That is still... They are smoking. Oh, yeah, yeah. We love the answers. I love Pittsburgh. Love the answers. Pittsburgh, I've only hung out there once, and I went in thinking, okay, this is going to be one of the worst cities I ever go to. It's not, and I really liked it. No, it's beautiful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Unfortunately, that heart is covered in French fries. It's slammed with Primanti Brothers. I love my Primanti Brothers. They open one in Florida. Don't eat there. I mean, I'm going to go. Don't eat the Florida Permanente Brothers. I mean, if I'm in Florida, there's not like this. That fucking sucks. It's only supposed to be in Pittsburgh. I mean, I'm sure it's delicious. We'll see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. Foot tap. That's different. That's different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's a get. That's a get. You got to chip that foot. I love that their excuse was like, it's not the Zieg Heil. Mussolini used to do it. And you're like, what are you talking about?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's going to turn out being the only one that's real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Okay? Yeah, wait for a better video. This is not...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
How does he, how does he know that that's not an egg? Well, he had better footage, but someone poached it from him. That doesn't make... I hate you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I don't know. Shut up, Rob. Shut up. I was held back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Well, what comes first, the baby or the egg? Because I got a story here. I think that technically the baby eventually turns into the person that comes into the egg. Well, in San Antonio, a man who was formerly an egg is now... charged in a road rage shooting earlier this week is also accused of trying to purchase a nine-month-old baby to harvest their organs, according to San Antonio police.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
What was the problem? Did his car not go through? Is that what it was? And they cut him off? I got this off of FARC. Jose Israel Teran Jr., 21, is charged with the prohibition of the purchase and sale of human organs in addition to one count of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon from Monday's shooting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Police said that on December 30th, 2024, Teran was mistakenly added to a group text message of family members discussing the details of a nine-month-old baptism. All right, so he did not know the family. No, he did not know the family. There was a group text. They accidentally add this demon to it. Oh, because he has the uncle had a phone number and he changed his cell phone number.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Then this guy randomly got the phone number. And so and the uncle's number wasn't taken out of the other person's phone. So he was added to the and he said and then he responded when they were talking about the baptism. He was not a part of the family response. That's a nice Caucasian baby. How much you want?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
and they they said wrong number you know and then they tried to block him sir no thank you sir thank you for the offer sir don't thank you so one of the family members blocked him but then he was texting everyone else still because they didn't know how to block him and then he said are you interested in selling i'm willing to start a bid at 500k now we find out
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Teron said he was willing to meet the same night to complete the purchase.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He also threatened that he knew the address of the church where the baptism was scheduled. Whoa. And they also knew their home address because it was sent earlier in the group thread.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
How much you want? That's not a bad question. You know what, though? I will say. It's clearly a joke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You texted the wrong person. That's what I would do. That is definitely a text I would have sent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you're standing next to a Nazi, there's always a chance you'll get shot. Yeah, I think you just got to be careful about that. You got to know that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, that's funny. Oh, you didn't attempt to buy the kid. That's not real. But the thing is, he sent it and they took it seriously. That's dumb. That's a joke. It is a joke, but he also did shoot somebody days after. That's the crime here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, he shot into someone's car. The bullet went through the door and into the person's leg.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Absolutely. I think that'll be easy. Yeah, because we all know that after they're born, they're worthless. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. All I know is two Kiwis make an apple. In what? My fruit game. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. That's what I play. I play the fruit game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Go kiss some fruit. I'll be plum happy about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I do now too. I have berries every morning. It's really good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you spend more money on it, it's easier to get off of it because it becomes a sometimes treat. It does. And then it's better when you actually have it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
If you're going to cook meat, it's usually just a bunch of lamb. I make a lot of lamb. No baby sheep is safe close to the Zabrowski house. I'd fucking suck one's blood if I could. I love lamb so much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
But he is very successful. He's doing very well.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Salmon's so good. I like salmon. Salmon and fish. That's mostly what I eat. This is literally everything I've eaten in the last couple days. At once? Except for tofu. It's good for us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
That's different. That's happened to me sometimes. Smoke, you get synestrus. But that made me worried. I was like, I better not becoming allergic to weed. But if I can just start, now I have a reason to eat tofu. Do. If I get higher, well, I don't get higher. It just stops me from getting the cannabinoid hypernesis syndrome. You got close on that one. Yeah. But I'll do it, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I mean, I feel like I would have gotten it by now. What do you mean no tofu?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Okay, well, now I'm not eating tofu again. I mean, tofu's good. No, not apparently. It's not good enough to stop the weed disease.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You know what I like about tofu is you're supposed to beat it. Yeah. You've got to kick the shit out of it. No, you're talking about mochis. No. Yeah. Tofu, you pulverize it. No, you don't. Absolutely not. My cousin Robin pulverizes her tofu, and it was delicious. That's disgusting. You're watching your cousin pulverize her tofu. Yeah. She's like, Andy, come here. I got to show you something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
I like lemon on seafood, and that's the only time I want lemons involved in my life. You'd be surprised.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Stay away even harder, limes. I figured out with lemon. I figured a lot of things with lemon. Limes attack us. Do you know about that? If you cut your hand and lime juice goes into that cut and then that cut sees the sun, you're fucked. What? It happened to my boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
No, we were cutting up limes with keys on the beach for our Coronas. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. And then his key went through the lime and it stuck in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
A margarita burn. Yeah, and his entire arm was turned different colors. I think he was actually working with you at the time at Borders, and then they made him move out of the cafe into the normal part because they're like, you can't give people coffee with that arm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
See, I cry in front of Julie and I make her throw money at me. See, that makes you feel better.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Thank you for taking it away and giving it back. Thank you. Being the pimp that beats us and tells us how nice the bath is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We're going to die there. Food Game, HGX2 tomorrow night, January 23rd, 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern. We got a great judge. Jared Logan's coming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
He's going to be eviscerating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't wait. I'm very excited. And we got Ariel from Fraudsters coming by. Oh, she's wonderful. And then we got Tootsie's making her first appearance. Aw, that's sweet. That's sweet. So check it out if you want to watch Tootsie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
We're going to laugh. Dallas on February 22nd. Nashville on March 14th. And March 16th, we're going to be in Huntsville doing a Side Stories. And then April 18th, we're going to be in Detroit. And on May 3rd, we will be in Toronto. And then, of course, June is our rescheduled podcast. Atlanta shows. Cannot fucking wait. You've got to get me to Atlanta. This keeps stopping.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You're going to like it so much better this way. I'm going to like it more in the summer. I know I am. It is hot. I know it's hot. I lived in Tallahassee. It's not hotter than Tallahassee. But we're going to stay in a hotel with a pool. Ooh, we're going to stay in a hotel and a pool. There's going to be fucking people out in their bathing suits. I know everyone in Atlanta is super hot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, no, it's Shookus. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make fun of her name. Lindsay Shookus. No, honestly, you gave Henry some press. He's going to get some more acting jobs out of this. Honestly, you really did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You were at the Academy Museum when I went to the Academy Museum. There was an exhibit on Scorsese's editor, and then you popped up, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah. And, Lindsay, I'm sorry I said all those horrible things about your appearance, but in my defense, I was just trying to hurt your feelings. Absolutely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Right now, you're currently nude on three platforms now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
She's fine. She's got a face like a knockoff Gucci bag. She's very, she does have a mean, thin face. Her head should come with handles. Yes. That's all I'm trying to say.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Congratulations. Yeah, that's great. It's amazing. It's a big thing. It's fucking. It's on Pissed Penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
It's Time Magazine, People Magazine. Also, if these motherfuckers are going to be talking about you in their goddamn magazines, mention the podcast. It'd be nice. They just say podcaster, but say the name of the fucking podcast, Time Magazine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
My shoulder hurts so much. Yeah, I see that. That I have to do it like... You know what that looks like? What? A Roman salute. Whoa. I actually... That's kind of crazy. Now that you say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. From your heart out to the... Yeah. And we know that the Romans were... You know, they didn't have slaves. No. And the Romans were innocent. Yeah, they were totally cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, yeah. I mean, what she said about it was she said, when someone comes out and doesn't get a laugh, it's the worst feeling because it was like, I picked these people. Well, I think what happened... Did she pick you?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They do. You kept it in a bag for so long, and they brought it back, and they opened the bag.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
You are in the news. Yeah, sure. So I'll talk about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
They didn't kill Christians. No, no, no. They didn't kill Christians Alliance for entertainment. Yeah. Yeah, look at that. You should be feeling better. Yeah, let me try it. I'm feeling better. Ah! Actually, there's another. My hip's been hurting. Yeah, yeah. Is there another one? There's another one. Yeah, my hip's been hurting. Yeah, what's wrong? Yeah, I've been doing this one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Oh, whoa, big high steps. You know what's funny? If you do them together, you're just like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Audition
Yeah, because especially back then, everyone smoked. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was where you got shit done and how you got gigs was just by smoking cigarettes or hanging out with the cigarette smokers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Yeah. If I could, I'd make your fun times illegal. And I have the secret police coming to arrest you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
It says they find it off-putting. Yeah, I'm not ready.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
Oh, how I wish. Oh, what a nice dog. Oh, so good. Are you the big fat chef there? Oh, so nice to see you. I'm just one of my daddy's little piggies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags
This is stuff about... Yeah, you're out of a job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
So it seemed to start with Ruby Frankie did an extended punishment on her son for some kind of infraction between the kids. And it seemed like her son was the quote unquote star of the channel. He was very popular. Yes. He was viewed as like the one that the audience liked the most. They like to see her son on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
He just exists on the show. And so what happened is they had this extended punishment where his room was taken away from him and he was forced to sleep either outside on various surfaces on the home. And so when this became known, it went viral all over the Internet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
I've always said lie to me. Like, if you're going to kill me, Natalie, if you're going to kill me. Just lie to me. What do you mean? Like, don't do it like the... What's her name? The Corey Richards. Well, like, oh, come here in the kitchen. I got something to show you. That's how you want to get killed? How I want to be killed, Natalie, is if you surprise me with a dinner. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
bad morals yeah this is a part of me that's like with schwarzenegger it's okay because he's he was he made himself from just his pectoral muscles yeah he became a governor because of his pectoral yeah i wish ruby frankie would have given us at least one blockbuster if she's going to do this church exactly yeah and that's why we're married
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Austrian from back in the day. Makes sense. It's hard to avoid. It was hard to avoid. So Ruby Frankie, so it happened is that she had this problem with her son.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Absolutely not, because that's how they make their money. And so she decided to... Introduce her son to Jodi Hildebrandt's therapy. Who she got recommended to by church people. So this is all deeply connected. So now who is Jodi Hildebrandt?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Very similar to Tom Harrison. Very similar. Like in that same whole world, the idea of like having to inspect your children's behavior before they get to be a proper Mormon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
I'm sorry. My computer's just heating up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Just even you just saying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like hot to the touch. I'm sorry. Continue.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
We covered this with a little bit of talking about in our series about the miracle of forgiveness. Yeah. And how they say any form of sexual outside of marriage, anything outside of marriage is considered the sin next to death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
My thing is, honestly, there's a part of me that says, if you masturbate once a week, it's even worse than masturbating every day. I'd prefer you masturbate every day. Because if you feel like there's something about, like, well, it's Tuesday. You know what I mean? Like, there's something about, like, ha, ha, finally, it's masturbation day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Studio 3. That is what we've been doing recently. And I want to say thank you to the wives. They've been doing a really wonderful masturbation accountability meetings for us to make sure we have. Yeah. Because they said it's just so much better than doing the act themselves.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
And then while you're wearing lingerie, right? And then you put poison... In this very elaborate dinner you've made.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
And they charge you out the fucking, talk about it, out of the dick and balls. They charge you up, and it's crazy too. And they, it's coming for the husband.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Really? Yeah. Oh, I would have, I believed it. I'd just be like, here's $250, right? We'll see you next week.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes. Yeah. And that at the end of it, as I'm fading, right, you then, you just, one, you go, one last kiss. And one last kiss. Because then in the end, I didn't know it was coming. Not like Corey Richens, where it's like her husband knew that he was trying to kill him. But she did lie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, that's what they do. That's what they do. Yeah, it's a high control group. They work from the inside. I was that was one of the it's not funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But there was a guy in one of these groups that was talking about how he was paired. He's a full-grown father, business owner. So one of the things they do, right, they kind of kick the husband out, right? They kick the husband out of the house. Well, under Jody's practice, yes. Right, so they get rid of him, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
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And then they have to go on these weekly accountability Zooms where they all talk about how they're not masturbating and how great they are at not masturbating. That was Ruby Frankie's husband. That's Ruby Frankie's husband, who is the fucking biggest bitch of all time.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Bitch, fuck you. What's his fucking name? He is so full of shit, and he's making money on this documentary series, acting like he did anything.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Anti him. I am anti him. He obviously knew what was going on. He got kicked out of the home, and then he just decided to be like, well, whatever. But one of the stories I was reading that wasn't funny was a full-grown man was paired with a 16-year-old boy, and he had to... Him and the 16-year-old boy had to call each other every week.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And him being like, yeah, there's a girl, Becky Evans, in class today. She was wearing a low-cut shirt. I really had to think about it. Meanwhile, the other guy was like, yeah, I had a really stressful week.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah. I don't I think that because so explain even further. So now how why are we here? So now Jody Hildebrandt. Well, we, you know, fast forward a little bit. How we even know about these crimes is the fact that we saw there was ring camera footage of an emaciated little boy coming out of a home, which was in Jody Hildebrandt's mega mansion.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Ringing the doorbell and saying, can you get me in touch with the police? I have a personal matter. I need to speak with the police.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And he was Richard Hamilton style tan, which is from working in the backyard. She'd have to work in the backyard for hours and hours and stand in the backyard and do all these things because they probably believed, much like how we're going to get to now, connecting to Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow, is that by Being naughty children, they were letting evil forces into them.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And the only way to get rid of the evil forces in all of these children, this is the heart of Jody Hildebrandt's and Ruby Frankie's program, was that you have to severely punish them in order to make the goodness come back. Which doesn't seem to work.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, sometimes it turns them into Michael Jackson, but then they also turn into Michael Jackson. Exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But that'll be the big one of the big reveals is that Jodi Hildebrandt's been doing this for a long time.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And if you watch the body cam footage, it's some of the most haunting shit you'll ever see because they walk through this. The cops are clearing the house. They find, obviously, Jodi Hildebrand's on her phone with her lawyer because, of course, she has a very, very powerful lawyer. They go walk through. They find a little boy just sitting in a walk-in closet. It was a little girl.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Especially because you've devised this entire plan now, too. But then in a way, when you see it happening, it's almost like a piece. Yeah. You know what I mean? Knowing that, oh, my end is here.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Looked like a little boy. In a walk-in closet. She was emaciated. The cop was so heartbroken, he just sat with her, trying to get her to respond and talk to her. Because she'd been conditioned to know that. And then they're walking through the hallway and they're looking for two more kids. And there's two more kids in this fucking house. There's just one. Oh, was there just one? Two total.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Because the one other one was... Was the one who escaped. Yeah. And then they start hearing noises in one of the bedrooms and hear that they are listening to videos in the... They hear videos and sounds of the kids crying coming up from the vent. And then they have to find where the vent goes and they find the kid inside a safe. Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's very similar to the Cougars Dorp cult that we covered, where she would be pretending to be attacked by demons and go into these fake seizures and these fake sort of motions. And she'd be like, this is what your son's masturbating is doing to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Well, yeah. So that's one of the big things that also got revealed. What are they called? Like the jet papers? The pen papers. The pen papers.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, exactly. And you know what? And it shows. Because it really did build a fun attitude in you.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, I threw a phone, hit me in the back of the wood. I mean, we all got beat with a phone. Yeah. I got hit with a phone.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, sometimes the mom can even sit on, accidentally sit on the dishwasher, and if she even gets kind of wet, Jodi starts switching.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Wow. She's going to be in a lady prison. She already is, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Absolutely. See, what they have, what she has is not lesbianism. It's very different. SSA. SSA. Yes. Well, no, when she's with the women, it's not lesbian sex. They are normally I can even see what she's saying to them because it sounds it's very similar to Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow, where they use the past lives. I could see her using past lives. I could see her using saying stuff like I was.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I can literally see her say I was a man in a past life. It's OK for me to be doing this to you because we're enacting the same thing. Because look at Lori Vallow in the new that new interview she did. That's the first thing that she says is that it was totally cool for me and Chad to fuck because we had already been married for 31 different lives. Yeah. So it doesn't really matter.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Wow. You can even get, I mean, technically, a Ferrari you can get. I mean, it's a good investment. Just drive it right through the golden gates.
Last Podcast On The Left
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What, for these bitches? I don't want to be in the same heaven as Ruby Frankie and Jodi Hildebrand. I don't want to go up there and get mad. You don't want to be there with Josh Duggar? I want to jerk off in heaven.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You will eventually acclimate. Yeah, that's true. I mean, I was on Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell. I'd rather be hot than cold. See, I prefer to be, I don't like being cold, but I'd rather be cold. Because then I can put on a sweater.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's hell, you're right. Yeah. Might just windbreakers.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You need to go on that thing. Yep. You need to go while you're gone. Sniper rifle through the bathroom window as I have just completed my time on the Toto.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Now, we talked a little bit about how do all of these things touch Mormon tips.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And she's just letting the kids sleep alone in the house. This is Ruby Frankie. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, yeah. They were slowly killing them. Well, what we're seeing now, too, is we know for a fact they had a plan to buy real estate. They were going to buy land. They were going to leave. Further out in the desert, yeah. They were already starting to use the terminology that we saw in the Chad Daybell-Laurie Vallow case.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That was specific Chad Daybell. That's his jazz. He put a spin on it. We talked about this. There is something that they did because Chad Daybell, which we said on the show, was unable to imagine. Like he literally couldn't imagine things. Every single time he came up with something, it was connected to something to pop culture.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So I believe that the zombie demarcation came from The Walking Dead because I think it was one of the only things that they were sort of allowed to watch that was vaguely naughty. And I think that they watched it. I think they had heard about zombies.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I also believe Ruby Fanky and Chad Daybell used that short-term terminology in order to cover up crimes by if anybody asked all of this stuff about zombies, they can be like, yeah, that's ridiculous. That's why we were saying we were playing around on text.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, Natalie, that's why we're starting to go to the range soon.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Scrupulosity is also born out of fear, though. That's what I looked up. It was more born out of fear.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's true. We're going to get trained, and it's for the coming apocalypse. Thank you. Thank you for being here.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's what we were saying last night, watching Lori Vallow. Lori Vallow is now in the point of her life where it must be correct. Chad Daybell definitely had a foot out. I think Chad knows a lot more than it was bad. He told everybody different stories, even up to the very, very end.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Lori Vallow is now obviously staying in character, but up until then, Chad Daybell's been the only one really breaking character. But this is why I do think... that it does serve two purposes. What we're seeing is what they don't understand is what you call the satanic duality, which is this idea, one of these things that you do, where you're saying this funny cover-up thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Like, you're saying this idea, you're calling it zombies, so that you each other, it's code to each other, and it has the added ability, if someone stumbles along it, they can be like, oh, what is this? And they can scoff it off. Where... They do take it deadly seriously. But they know. They know they take it deadly seriously.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But what they've learned from every single secret school throughout all of society is that you have to make the exterior look ridiculous so that nobody will venture and see the secrets from within. Because, God forbid, we all save ourselves, Eddie, because we'll crowd up the Mormon afterlife. Because that's all they want to do is get to the afterlife with the least amount of mouths to feed.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, and we are going to go together as a family.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's like you went to a kiosk in the mall several times. You know Mint Mobile's rates by hand.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And you are one of the 144,000, right? Absolutely. You can tell. It's on my jersey. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I just think it comes down to... They're Mormons. I agree. They've never had to do anything creative in their life. And it is just a lack of creativity.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, yes. The majority of them are lovely people. It is just more understanding, which I've even said to some of our casual Mormon listeners, and they call Jack Mormons. I do understand why you're in it. I do understand if you've been born in it, it brings a lot of comfort.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I do understand that a lot of the societies themselves, you'd even consider to be vaguely nice, if not blatantly racist and homophobic. You do walk through them and you'd kind of be like, oh, what a nice town this is. Well, this is a nice place. All these people are so friendly. And I do think there is they believe there's room for casual Mormonism. But it's just the base beliefs are so fringe.
Last Podcast On The Left
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If God is real, he'd take it out of my account himself. I agree. If God is an actual entity, he would delete them. He'd just take the money off. Also, wouldn't God just make up money? Wouldn't God just use his magical abilities and just give them fucking money?
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's just you. What do you buy from who? For what? If you need to come to the end, what do you need a checking account for? If the earth split open and Jesus is here.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Okay, you're the last single woman member of this network.
Last Podcast On The Left
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If you could get in there, you get real close to him, right? Lori Valo him. Be like, I'm the new one.
Last Podcast On The Left
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If you roll in from out of town and be like, I had a vision. I talked to Jesus last night. We rode together on a scooter here this morning. I know him. He's my buddy. Jesus is my fucking Lager fucking dojo. He's my fucking lay down, do anything soldier. Right? He might just kind of let you take the whole thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It would take you a total of 20 minutes to fuck each one of them to death.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You dress up in a catering outfit. HVAC. You hide inside of a thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I think I actually said that on the show before. What's nice about Russell Nelson is that he can remove his lips from his face to kiss you. You actually don't have to get close to his teeth and throat.
Last Podcast On The Left
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He's 100 years old. Honestly, it is frightening the fact that he's 100 years old and he is that still upright. This is old. He doesn't look like this anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You know, it's so weird. Why do ears get bigger? It's already happening to me. It's happening to me. I'm getting the big chunks of, I'm getting the pop-pop hair. I'm getting the big chunks of white sticking out of the bottoms of my ears. I love it.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, he used a, he was doing a, of course, oh God, get him off there. I can't even look at him anymore. He looks like a preacher from Poltergeist 2. This is much better.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Tim Ballard has the same I definitely don't want to cheat on my wife face that RFK Jr. has. Tim Ballard is a man that is an up and coming power broker inside of the Mormon church. He was. He got excommunicated. He looks like he had a great time in 2002. He did. Oh, I bet. He did. And then he ran an anti-human trafficking thing. I think it was called Sound of Freedom.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But so Tim Ballard, doing his Operation Underground Railroad, what he was doing to help women that were, quote unquote, being trafficked, is that he would have them go into his own personal hotel room and they would do a Mormon thing that is supposed to be during the Mormon post-apocalyptic scope, which is, or I also believe they do it on missions too. What?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Where the concept of, the conceit of the couple's ruse. No, that's something totally to Mellor meet up. Is that just a thing? So the idea is that it just brought up in Visions of Glory.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But we're sitting here with the effervescent investigators and journalists slashed broadcasters. Broads. The broad and broadcaster. These stank broads. One of them is my favorite and the other one is my other favorite. I'm sitting here with Natalie Jean and Amber Nelson of Someplace Underneath. Wow. Yeah, you guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Visions of Glory has the couple's ruse not called that, but it's the idea that you would travel the world with a woman that's not your wife, but you have to pretend to be husband and wife so that people don't know that you're a Mormon Avenger. So Tim Ballard's entire... So they want you to just travel the world and lie to everybody?
Last Podcast On The Left
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And they're watching us so closely that they know what we're doing in this room.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, it's not even just that you're a bad person. It's that you're putting the whole mission in danger. Yes, you're... What's it called? You're compromising the mission. Yeah, because you won't take the slippery salami. You won't lay there while he rubs his denim pant legged on you.
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Because they thought that he was going to be president of the United States of America.
Last Podcast On The Left
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These are all taught by the same people. They're all approved by the same people. Tom Harrison is a big old center point of all of this thought, visions of glory. That old fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
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No, he just looks like... Scare you in the light. He looks like the last thing Gene Hackman saw.
Last Podcast On The Left
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this is one of those things I try to tell our audience all the time. Like you gotta real, like you really don't, want to believe how easily you're fooled. I am too. I'm not better than you. It's just more once you kind of understand how insidious it is, how quickly they kind of gain your trust and you kind of think that they're normal and fine. And it's just hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's why even when I was talking about the legal advocates, I'm saying this for everything. People need more scrutiny. Yeah. Yeah. Over your personal relationship.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Let's all say one nice thing about Mormonism. This is a very brighter side thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I went inside of the SLC one. You can go inside of it, but only so far.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They do, yeah. You get shard on it. You can get shard on one of the, any of the, have you shard anywhere? Oh, that's why they call them pews. Yes. Because they stink. You're right. Because of the shards.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You're really helping. This is great. This is honestly, it allows our audience to feel like they're in different environments. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, okay. Have you ever seen a woman getting sprayed while she's in a hose while she's in one? No, never.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah. The garment thing is kind of weirdly up for... It's a contentious thing right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
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The temple is honestly strikingly beautiful. The OG big boy temple. It's quite big. It's quite beautiful.
Last Podcast On The Left
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That's the DC one. Oh, that's the DC. The main one is pretty beautiful.
Last Podcast On The Left
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It's just one of those things that I just, again, I just feel like one solid neutron bomb will really make that place a nice place.
Last Podcast On The Left
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it's spot like i'd like to be in that place i want to i think that we could knock out a bunch of those walls i think we could put a great pool in there i think that we could have a great rooftop bar like that's what i want is that rooftop bar right there i think that we could put a roller coaster like they did on new york new york yes on the top of it i think some of these were not supposed to be able to see but of course the internet made it so this is the only thing i will agree with on trump is that if trump could buy them i want that into a trump tower
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
That is what needs to be a Trump Tower. If I could get that and the Vatican being a Trump Tower, I'm actually pro him.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Honestly, Satanists, we're not cooking. We're going to make, it'll be like a cocktail or something. Yeah. My main positive note about Mormonism is thank you for inspiring the incredible web series Mormon Girls. Thank you for that work that you brought. We would not have that if it wasn't for that.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So that's how you know it's street smart. Oh, okay. So you see, it's cool that way. They're hip. They're like taggers and skateboards.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You guys should look into the bop house. No, don't. No, let's not.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And these are Mormons? No, no, no. Sam was just bringing this up. She just brought up a horrible thing. She just brought up a... To be honest, the capitalist part of me says, good for you girls. The other half of me is like, get the boys out of there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, gay pornography. It's boys inside of the hood is what he's saying. He's talking about a gay pornography film featuring the KKK. But that's actually pretty funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Thank you. It's funny when you got to really think about it. Ever segueing to Dachau. Please, Eddie. Please, Eddie. Yes, Amber, please. I can't wait. Thank you. What happened at Dachau that boys of the hood, the gay, gay, gay, gay pornography reminded you?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Really? Yeah. And that's why you listen to our show. Yeah. To learn all new stuff. That's why you got to go listen to someplace underneath.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah. You guys definitely get an extra amount of flavor sent your way. But also, if you weren't, then you wouldn't be saying anything important. That's the thing, is that, and I will say to all of, and I will defend my beautiful wife, because I've seen the people put all of your, like, you said a lot of stuff about Elon Musk, and all of the boys got so angry.
Last Podcast On The Left
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This is important. This is what our audience likes. But one thing that they also like above all else, that is Mormon-based true crime. Now, someplace underneath for the last, I want to say, three years has been covering Mormon-based crimes. You are doing a special run right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And I just want you to know that if you are upset about anybody criticizing Elon Musk... you're such a worthless little bitch that you should probably go fuck off.
Last Podcast On The Left
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We're going to continue to be petty, and just you are going to have to suck it up, Buttercup. Yeah, Sina has a Tesla.
Last Podcast On The Left
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No, no, Sina's looking to sell it. Nice. Because we all hate it. And again, I'm not really into the black cube on Instagram, social media.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But you know what I mean? I'm not into the stupid social media protests. Ice Cube is his name. Yes, thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Also, we also haven't really talked about what I'm going to talk about on Side Stories about the Scientology rise in the government as well, which is actually in the middle of right now. There's a whole Scientology revolution happening.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Okay? Women are allowed to be... We need more inappropriate women because guess what? We have a... They say in a mug.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
We will go to, because after Scientology, you know, because Scientology is pretty litigious. I've never been sued by the Catholics for anything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yes. Yeah. And just like the Nepo babies, they don't cut the mustard, do they? Remember to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left. Give us money. Go to our TikTok. Go to TikTok on that thing. It's at LP on the left. It's not going away. No, it's here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
It's the other horseshits on twitch.tv slash LPN TV where we are live every week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Pacific, 8 p.m. Eastern. And then when they are done, they go onto our YouTube channel. Go and check it out. And go to lastpodcastontheleft.com to buy all of our live show tickets. We're better than we've been before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
That's all it takes, Mormons. You want to get on this good side, you just bring some buckwheat to the comedy show.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Crescent City. And Crescent City, that's the other show that my beautiful wife is on with my sister. Jackie Zabrowski. Also beautiful. She's fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I've been Henry Zabrowski. Signing off. Hail Satan. Hail nobody.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, yeah. And it seems that even though, especially now that we've been covering Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell for a month, I've gotten many messages over this period of time from what they say— We kept saying capital M Mormons, right? People that are practicing Mormons within the church.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
And we got a lot of messages saying, you know, you keep saying to us that our central beliefs as a church are kind of outrageous, but there's plenty of casual Mormons. And then you start to look into casual Mormonity. A Jack Mormon, if you will. A Jack Mormon. I love vanities. Oh, you do. But they specifically are not... The belief system is very crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Please, Ed. Yes. Please, Ed, I'll show you some other form of documentaries if you want to get... They have Mormon porn? Documentary. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's called Mormon Girls. Oh, really? I brought it up several times on their series. Really? Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
No, no. You would like this. Great, Rob. Perfect. Don't do this in front of my wife. There just is. I just wanted to see if there was. Wow. Just creating facts. No, it's Mormon Girls with a Z. That's how you know it's cool. It's streetwise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Yeah, because they said if you get that's the same. No man wants to chew pre-chewed gum. Right.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Don't count them out. That's not how I can. What? In BYU? I'm just saying in terms of don't count out in terms of how powerful and how horrible other religious institutes can be like the Jesuits. We're doing a whole live show on the Jesuits and how they have tried to manipulate society using university level education. But they had the same. They had Catholic money and respect.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
They have, I mean, Mormons have more money than Catholics.
Last Podcast On The Left
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They are hoarding money. Right now, the Mormon church is sitting on about $200 billion.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes. And so they are also specifically, Natalie hit me to this, there are specific Mormon hedge funds, which is, that's a whole movie in and of itself.
Last Podcast On The Left
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There's a, yeah, it's probably more than that. And so they believe that they are sitting on this money. We don't know why. And that's a part of the reason why one of my big... theories about Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow is that they were actually a part of the Mormon deep state that was trying to flip the Mormon, legit Mormon leadership so that they can get a troll of the month.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
That was never going to happen. Well, they got close because of the tap from Tom Harrison and because the two of them got like... And Tom Harrison was close.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah. Well, especially those because what they believe is that they use our secular ways in order to make money for the church. They say the Catholic Church is about the same. Yeah. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Star churches. And that's the reason why they want to get a hold of this money, because once they get a hold of it, they can do whatever they want with it. And they can really fuck shit up if they would like to. But that's kind of the beginnings of our conversation. So obviously, Natalie, our home. It's really fun. Lots of Mormon packed with this shit. That's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
And so we are up to our, my receding hairline is filled with Mormonity. And so, yes, it started with your exploration of other cases that got you to the LDS center of all these other various, like, you know, missing women cases. But there's one big case that is right now probably going to be revealed to be massively intrinsically tied to the Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow case.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Chad Daybell looks like a more man. He does. He does.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
But that would be the Ruby Frankie and Jodi Hildebrandt case. Now, do you guys want to explain a little bit of what the hell this is?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
You ruined Sex and the City, the television series.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Now that came from, so that's a combine effort of Jodi Hildebrandt and Ruby Franke. But who are they separately? How did we get here? What is the actual case?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
But it started with Ruby Frankie channel eight passengers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Well, it like ramped up. It went from her sort of doing quote unquote regular mommy blogging, which is just showing your children on camera. Yeah. But that's all it really is. It is using your children as bait for people to click on your video for you to monetize it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Okay, we're rolling. Honestly, it doesn't even have to be a good excuse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bad Mormons
Senators, teachers, police officers, priests. Firemen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I thought of another good one. You remember the show Oz? The prison show? Yeah. This could be the Zizzer of Oz, and he could follow them in prison. We're going to make a lot of money off of these people. I can't wait to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I didn't know she was... She was British.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Chessington. Yes. But yeah, for sure, Chessington.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes, because we still write better jokes than AI. Still. It's still the main thing that we still got. Their emails are pretty good, though, AI. AI can write the fuck out of an email.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Also, if you have to reread it, in that time, you could have just written it. Exactly. Yes. Except for Grammarly. Grammarly is good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Why don't they have AI write the manifesto? Yeah, that's, I mean, like, if you care about AI so much, let it write the manifesto. This is why I don't think they're real. Hey, ChatGBT, could you write me a manifesto? You got it, sir. Yep. Not long enough. Actually, can we get the druids in there? You didn't list Amy Schumer as an influence. Could you go back and...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
This one guy looks like you found in a river. The guy with the glasses. What do you think? You think that looks like me? I said if you were found in a river.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, well, you know, the river ran a bunch of it off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I said if you were disformed by a river. But it's not me. Yeah, it's not you. It's not me yet. It wasn't an insult. Not yet. It's an insult to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
All right. My number one story of the week. Oh, these are, yeah, this is a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tastes like tradition. Raccoon Dinner brings international fame to Ohio Lions Club. That's right. Got this one from Cincinnati.com. Love you, Cincinnati. But Cincinnati is not the host. Of the raccoon dinner. Oh, it didn't want that honor? No, the raccoon dinner is in Danville, Ohio.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Okay, Danville, Ohio. Yes, so basically what it is is every year they have a raccoon dinner for lots of people, and it's this year 600 people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
showed up to the raccoon dinner there's only a thousand people in this town a raccoon meat looks horrible you know raccoon meat looks horrible i was curious how is it a stew it looks like it's stewed all right so rob i sent you a video okay on um raccoon a man preparing raccoon meat because i knew this was going to come up and henry it's like every worst person in danville arrived all right well this is some new orleans uh raccoon meat well that's
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
different i i'll eat why is it that's different why hold it one second why is new orleans raccoon meat so much different than ohio because you know they're gonna put spices in it raccoon meat in ohio it's you know they're not gonna season it you know new orleans they're seasoning it now kermit ruffins over at the mother law lounge he cooks raccoon for every super bowl That's different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I will eat Kermit Ruffin's fucking raccoon. That's different. But check out this fella. What's his name, Rob? He's great. He's one of my favorite follows. This is BernardH14. That's right. That's on TikTok, but on Instagram it's something else. I'll find it out for you guys. But check this out, Henry. Look at this guy. He made a bunch of raccoon. Let's hear it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, baby. Tell me you actually don't want this. Yes, sir. He could debone some of it. Nice and tender. It slides right off once you put it in your mouth. The bones are like horrific. The bones are horrific on it. This guy's great. He also cooks bear and shit like that. I got some yams right here. Mmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, this guy's definitely not going to live forever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, there's something peaceful about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
He fries snake and shit like that. He's unbelievable. I've had snake. It's boring and gross. Well, this is a boa constrictor. He'll lower. He's got this giant fryer that's bigger than this table. It's awesome. He has a crank, and he'll lower an entire snake into it. That's my fucking dream. And also, he'll smoke full bear legs and shit like that. This guy's great. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Sidestories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com. Yeah, every cat tastes differently. I know that much. So tickets for the event were $15 for adults. Thanks for letting me just have that. Yep, I just had to go. $8 for children, less than $12. So if you're over $12, you've got to pay full price for the raccoon dinner. Sorry. The feast included mashed potatoes, green beans, cornbread, and a drink and dessert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm rooting for you, pneumonia. Well, no. We're going to end up with the worst pope once this guy's gone. There's no worse pope. There is a worse pope. He's the best pope of our lives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And, of course, a generous helping of roasted raccoon. If you did not like the raccoon, you could eat ham. This sounds great. Boy, you a fucking bitch. Look at this fat piece of shit. This guy is wearing a raccoon on his head.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
He's shoveling it in his mouth. I love when people love something so much, but they still want to kill and eat it. You know what's funny? It's so bizarre to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But goat's on the bone. It'll always have little, it'll have pieces of bone in it. You gotta be careful when you eat the goat because that little bone, it can slide down your throat and it can cause a defection inside your esophagus and then you'll die of sepsis. You're making me afraid. I'm just saying that's, I've seen that happen before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I mean, I would do that with any animal I eat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, so this event's been around since I think the 50s. They've been doing it forever. They served over 500 pounds of raccoon meat, which basically it's about 750 meals. How many raccoons? I think it's 179 raccoons to make 750 meals. I don't even know where you- That motherfucker ate one whole one. The scariest town to be a raccoon in. Yeah, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Ohio, I mean, shout out to Travis Irvine, who's made multiple raccoon-themed films in Ohio. It's true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, no, she doesn't eat raccoon, unfortunately. Would she eat raccoon? I think if I tried to talk her into it, she'd take a bite. But I would say, so look at this. The meat, they say, is free range. Because raccoons eat fruit, nuts, corn, fish, frogs, insects, bird aids, and rodents. It's a fucking raccoon. But also trash. They eat trash. It's like... Free range? Yeah, it is free range.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I mean, they don't really have a home, you know? And I will say another thing about raccoons. But we eat oysters. They eat trash, you know? They live their bottom feeders. But a lot of those... Yeah, it's very different. I think an oyster's grosser than a raccoon. No way. I've never looked at an oyster and been like, that's a good boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. No. It's interesting. I want to know where they got all these raccoons from. Besides rats, it's the most free-range thing that exists. Well, a lot of people think it's a marsupial. A lot of people think a raccoon is a rodent. But the truth is they're closer related to bears than anything else. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Oh, yeah, and they say that this is greasy as well. They've been preparing raccoon as an art for the members of the Dansville Lions Club for over 82 years.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, someone who doesn't like gay people, he certainly picked a pretty gay way to call himself Frank.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And it's so much better than figuring out dough. So they take the prepared—this is how they cook it in Danville, not how our boy cooks it. They take the raccoons that are dressed and, like, processed, and then they— Like a sweater and sweatpants? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they— They soak them in salt water for a day. Oh, so they brine them. They brine them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And then they say that no spices are needed during cooking. Just onions. That is the most Ohio gross shit I have ever fucking heard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So the dogs, as turncoats, went like, oh, fear a vase of making you squeak. What if it was farmed meat? Would you feel better about that? Yeah. A little bit. A little bit. If there was a raccoon farm somewhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's how they do it, though. Yeah. I get it. Yeah, you got to boil the whole thing. Again, though, I'll eat it as soon as it's out. Yeah. They said that it actually started out as a prank, the whole party. Oh, man, I bet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet, sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, back in 1939, Clyde Banbury offered to cook a meal for the club. When they all arrived, they realized he was feeding them raccoon. The friends all played along, ate the raccoon, and discovered that they actually liked it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They're quoted in saying, they all thought it was the coolest thing that ever happened. When the next year rolled around, they all got the idea to just go ahead and do it again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
82 years strong. Hey. Danville, Ohio Lions Club.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. They decided one day to make it a fundraiser. And then they're like, oh. And then it started getting even bigger. And so they put it in the high school cafeteria. And they were cooking the raccoon in the high school cafeteria. But then it outgrew the high school cafeteria. And so they had to move it again to the St. Luke's Community Center across the street from the high school.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
And they made it a fundraiser. But it does not say where the funds go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You don't run after these people. There's no reason to. You're not allowed to touch them. My buddy worked at Publix, and he tackled someone stealing food, and he got fired.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, I mean, you don't fuck around in these vape stores.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, what does that even do to you when you get pepper sprayed inside your anus? I believe it's called hot tush.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Who does look a lot like Kelly Reilly. Kind of works out for me. Yeah. I think it is adorable that you're constantly attracted to women that look like Natalie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
If he would have stole all the money out of the register, he should not have acted like this. Again, I think that what he did was rash.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. You smoke every one of them. Well, here's an interesting way that someone else is dealing with shoplifting in a more responsible manner. All right. A Michigan judge sentences Walmart shoplifters to wash cars in the parking lot. It's not a bad idea. Yes. And so this Michigan Walmart has had so many people steal from it that the prices are starting to go up. There's more security there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They're even threatening to close the store completely. And it's not a big town, so they kind of need this Walmart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, we can't go back 50 years in a race. Walmart is evil. It's over. It's over. It's done. We're fucked with it. It's over. We all know that it's evil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Just know that. Well, you know, I think there's a...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I'm just saying. That's their dream. That's their dream. Yes. So this judge, Jeffrey Clothier, what he's doing now is that people have been stealing from there so often, and he's under the opinion, this is a quote from him, I don't think everyone that steals is a bad person. Wow, I can't believe that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, sometimes people are just down on their luck, but there's got to be consequences for when you break the law. So what he is doing is anyone who steals from this Walmart now has to wash cars for free. Free car washes in the very same Walmart parking lot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's overpriced bags and shit. Who fucking cares? Well, Walmart's become such a crazy place that I don't know if we talked about this on the show recently, but it was like a story presented to us, but the...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. It's cut off three different stores. I never trust a store that sells jeans and lobster. You know, it's just like, come on, pick a flame. Hey, except for Costco. Costco's pure. I mean, apparently people still like Costco. I got no reason to be there. Costco is pure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's just me and Julie. I don't need Costco.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, well, I go to who gives a crap. I get the natural bamboo towels, so I'm not contributing to them cutting down the rainforest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You're right. And she doesn't know what's coming. Well, now she does. She's not listening. The warning's out there. No, she's not going to. Yeah, no, she's not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You put a bounty on the rainforest with bounty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They don't got to fucking work. Well, Walmart's on board. They're providing water and supplies. Thank you, Walmart.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But it's such a better thing than locking up people and ruining their lives. So it's one of those things. I'm really happy that this is. I feel like this is one of our first positive news stories on this show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like at the Delta One.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah. Oh. So Clothier said he thinks it'll be humiliating to be out there washing cars if you see someone you know, and he thinks that'll be enough to keep people from stealing from the Walmarts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, Natalie's rational. She's not going to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
They commit more crimes. Always. You get into a fight in jail and then you're fucked. You're stuck in there for Lord knows how long after that. And you don't have a choice to get into the fight. No. Someone just comes up and beats you up. And guess what happens if you don't? Then you get beat up more. Yes. So it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Keep people out of jail in any way possible. So thank you, Judge Clothier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think back to like those fundraising car washes we used to do in high school with all like the.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
teachers and the seniors 15 year old cheerleaders and stuff like in bikinis washing the cars outside of the Einstein bagels I look back and I'm like we should not have been allowed to do that Eddie you and I were raised in a very specific time period where it seemed to be a little bit more open yes do you remember American Beauty
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Shout out to Guy Pearce for dealing with Kevin Spacey's bullshit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag. Whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person... It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
She famously lost a fight in that show. Well, I'm not quite aware of that performance of hers. She's all bloody and her fucking breasts are out. I saw some clips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking, it's a hell of a scene.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City. Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
How is it a 3% chance of landing and they're like, Illinois is fucked?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I think I'd rather know the day the world's going to end than the day I have a heart attack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So you'd rather us all die? Yeah. Well, not rather everyone die. I'm saying if I were to know the future, I'd rather it be a day that we're all going to die together rather than, like, you're going to have a heart attack on August 8th, 2085.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I mean, it was 2% last week, and now it's 3%, and they're like the Indian Ocean, and next week it's going to be like, ah, it's going to hit Africa, and it's going to be like New York.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Well, you know what drives me crazy is also if we know when the world's going to end. I think I'm talking myself out of wanting to know right now. But like if we know who's going to show up to work. And then next thing you know, like, there's no power for the last three days because no one's going to the fucking, to the LADWP.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, Rob, we have a strict schedule to release these people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
continue to come out we don't tell certain sectors right just simply for the fact that we're gonna all the rest of us are gonna want to be able to watch tv yeah because when i saw deep impact the one of the things that bothered me the most about that movie and i know it's not real but one of the things that bothered me the most about that movie was that it was the day before the asteroids about to hit and the fucking guy calls a cab
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
But if the asteroid does come, I know one thing. I don't want to miss a thing. I want to make sure I see it. What I'm really afraid of is that, and we talked about this right before. By the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Definitely send an Affleck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
She does seem fine. They have children together. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people do. Yeah, yeah. And all this diddy heat with J-Lo. Like, imagine that he's just sitting at home. He's like, hold on. Who? What did you do? What?
Last Podcast On The Left
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Do you think they would empty the prisons or just lock the doors?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because the guards aren't going to show up for work.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I mean, we've all talked about this before. The world is not going to end. We might end, but the world's going to be here. This rock's going to keep on spinning. Yeah, man. And no memory.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, baby! Oh, yes, yes. Oh, let me see you, Apple Adam. See, this is a perfect time for this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Roll out the barrels again. Two sausages for me. Three for you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
We got one! Is he the first Polish serial killer? No. First and last. Well, biggest and most.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It only can go one way? Well, I don't fucking know. You used to be a plumber. I don't know anything about this. Well, I have no idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, we're mansplaining. You can get pregnant through your ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
So it's a women's health magazine calls it a cloacal malformation. It's cloacal. Cloacal? It's a cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. Whatever. They're fucked up. Booty holes. Which means she was born, but she didn't have a urethra, vagina, and anus. She just had one hole. Wow. One big room.
Last Podcast On The Left
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1 in 25,000 isn't really that. I mean, the lottery is way bigger.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah. It also only occurs in women, so we couldn't have just one hole.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I think that is what women's health is saying. But... it's usually diagnosed at birth and repaired right away so the baby has a separate urethra yeah but that's what happened in this woman's case however something went very wrong either in the surgery was botched or its response to the trauma of the surgery um a body can be formed a fistula an abnormal connection between organs the fistula
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A fistula. Thank you. I'm bad with pronunciation. Yeah, fistula is my burlesque name. A uterus can become fused to a rectum in these situations. So every month when Aunt Flo comes to town, they have their period rectally. So meanwhile, you know, this is the news. This is the news. You asked me. You asked us. We don't want to talk about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Oh, man. That was man corner. We're over. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, and there was one email we got about booty shorts.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah, so says, hey guys, I was listening to your episode with the girls from Who's the Bitch? And I thought it was interesting that Jackie's suggestion spelled wrong, by the way. I actually think it's a more fun... Spelling. And she should spell it that way. Suggestion of being tricked or fooled by fake butts and boobs because that's something I saw a lot on Reddit from the old incel board.
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Oh, whatever. That's not what we meant. I mean, I think so. Basically, a lot of incels complain that women change their appearance to fool men into sleeping with them. So they're against stuff like butt pads and makeup. Yeah, because they're losers.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So they said, as someone who personally loves looking like a slutty milf, I just wanted to share that most of the women who I know who wear strong makeup and pads and stuff like that aren't doing it to attract men into sleeping with us. I'm married, so when I go out with my husband, I just like looking like a hot slut. Cool.
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I'm Latina, so I don't wear butt pads, but I absolutely wear padded bras because who cares? The people who see me aren't going to see me naked, so why should I care if they feel deceived?
Last Podcast On The Left
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But usually, you know, I love you, so I don't care what you say. But usually when men have those type of opinions, like you can't wear this shit, it's a control thing. Oh, of course. I know what you're saying.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yes. Yeah. But it's also like you never see an attractive man complain about this. No. It's always like ugly dudes who can't get laid anyway. They're almost looking for reasons to say like, oh, I don't want to date that person because she's ugly when she's obviously gorgeous.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And you know, and his last words are going to be, I can't believe it wasn't butter. And it writes itself.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Yeah. Like you always wanted. I did get a lot of people have been messaging me about my young vet hate talk. First of all, the things I say, everything I say on this show, unless I take a moment, anything I say in this voice is a joke.
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Oh, my God. The way people look at their dogs and treat these vets. For full disclosure, my father-in-law owns his own family practice.
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Yes, he owns his own practice. So I understand the family practice. Lots of people hit me up like, Ed, you need to find a family practice. I know all about it. It is the right move. I basically, where my thought comes from, I love a more experienced person. And so a young vet, You become an old vet. And I think that during that process, you become better at it.
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I think we became better comedians over the years. I think that, you know, stuff like that. I think you will see more things that come. I think that now the vet community is in a lot of trouble. We got companies like Chewy buying out fucking full practices from people. And then like also like vets used to prescribe the medicine. Now people buy it for like for a quarter of the price from Chewy's.
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And so the vets are losing money that way.
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Yeah, no, it's like a $5 charge now if you want us to fill it. Because they're just filling out all the paperwork and doing more work for free.
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Yeah, no, it's a hard job being a vet. I love every vet in the world. You gave yourself to take care of animals. I thought it was obvious that vets are good people because they donated their lives to helping animals. And so making fun of somebody who has done such a nice thing is comical to me. Yes, it is. Yes, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, well, also, I do want to say another thing about the whole thing. Okay, please, Eddie. These corporations are buying up these fucking vet offices, and they're buying it from the people who own family practices, and then they're hiring part-time vets to come in who are trained less, who
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
these people work like two days a week and they don't they don't care as much as a normal everyday vet and they're giving bad information and so i think that there is you need to go to a family-owned vet do not go to one of these corporate places i think it's very important i agree they will care more about your dog they will take care of you and anyone in the people who will be coming at me telling me that my dog should be dead you are very rude
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
and I have a family owned vet that I literally take pictures of shits and text him and he's like that's fine don't worry about it they're very well taken care of my dogs are so well taken care of it is very aggravating and I'm telling you this right now as his co-host and as a person as his best friend I'd call the police on him if I had to if I really felt that your dogs were like fucked
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. They're just very old. They're very old.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Every time I see a vet, I'm like, you will tell me when I have to put this dog down. And every time they're like, it's looking all right for now. And so like Tootsie just had a rough week and we got her in blood work. The vet was like, I don't know. She doesn't look too good. Then we got the blood work and he's like, she's fine. And then I sent the blood work to someone else.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Like, yeah, she's fine. She's just like picky when she eats now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Still walking around. She rejected his advances.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yes. We're going to be in Dallas on Saturday, so come check us out at the CU Theater in Grand Prairie, Texas. That is right next to Dallas, but if you know what Dallas is, you know what Grand Prairie is, obviously. But we also have a lot of side story shows coming up. We do. On March 16th, we're going to be in Huntsville, Alabama. Come check us out there. That's going to be a lot of fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's going to be a blast. And then also on May 7th, we're going to be in Dania Beach at the Dania Beach Improv, which is Fort Lauderdale. So make sure you get your tickets to that. That's going to be May 7th. And then May 8th, we're going to be at the Funny Bone in Orlando. Yeah, we are, baby. Yeah. We're doing some real comedy clubs, Henry. We're going to have fun, man. I'm very excited.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I can't wait for this. So come and join us. And if you heckle, we'll beat the shit out of you. Yeah, no, because we jump out on the stage. And then, of course, there's always Crime Wave, which is going to be in November. Get your tickets. Lots of people got tickets already. It's going to be a fucking official last podcast meetup on this fucking bro. You're going to meet some new friends.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
You've got to come. You've got to come see this. No. They have a morgue on the ship. They got to. They told us they have a morgue on the ship and a jail.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I don't know what you've been talking about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Every day. Alright, so he killed sex workers, right? Yeah. What if he was the guy before?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I don't know, but the show was ending and you brought it to a screeching halt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because it's over. Luminol! Luminol! Yes, you young vets. They're all stealing all the Luminol. Did you know that, the young vets? They're all hoarding it. Yeah, I got you, you fucks. You thought I was being nice. I'm back, baby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
What if she worked with him earlier that evening and he came on her scarf and then later on that night she got killed by someone else?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
It's crazy how it's like two Johnny Depp movies came together. uh, Sweeney Todd and from hell to be, to be the real thing, the real thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Wow. Quick Wikipedia search. Really just found a new three-part LPN.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Vegan Polish food. It's really, really good. I just don't know if I could make the choice to eat vegan Polish food when you can eat normal Polish food. There's absolutely no reason to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
somehow. At least before we weren't murderers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, I think the vegan Polish restaurant would do better if they didn't tell people it was vegan. Well, they have to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Man, I got to say, I've been watching the show The Pit. I've been loving it. I really do love this show. Is that the show where you just sit in the shower and watch little boys wash each other? Is that that show?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
i'm so glad i got that waterproof case for my phone no but the uh the pit the new uh hospital procedure show it's just like i don't like hospital procedure shows no i watched it you know i was like i'll just put it on for the hell of it blew my mind i fucking cried twice what the fuck is this a commercial i talked to my doctor friends about the pit i was like all right is this real and they're like apparently it's like the most accurate doctor show that's ever existed but
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
There's no yins. And it all takes place in Pittsburgh. Oh, yeah. And no one's yinning it up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not real. It's like very accurate as far as like an emergency room goes. But not to the environment. But there isn't one yin in the fucking show.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, they should have just put it somewhere where people don't have strong accents, you know? Because it was like, you know, Chicago Hope worked out. I guess Chicago even hasn't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's always someone like, get the fuck away from me type of thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
In Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know this. Yeah. Yeah, but I think... Yeah, no, I love the show. I think it's great, but I'm just mad about the lack of yins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
That's how I do it. And it keeps me from eating a fucking little Demi cake. I think we're the saddest. Yeah, I know. That's what happens. That's your 40s, man. If you're younger, enjoy it. I actively eat seeds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, chia seeds every morning. Every morning. Every morning. I hate it. Today it does something good to me. I don't think it's stuck in my teeth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
No, I don't want to... Because that's all you're doing. That's all you're talking about these days. Let's not bring her up. You're going to get in trouble. No, you did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
I don't feel any different. Why am I eating bird seed? I feel no different. I don't know. They said the same thing. I'm just doing it. I'm just doing it because they tell me to. Sam, I'm doing it because you're doing it. Yeah, the probiotic seed pills also. Sam, because you're doing it. I'm taking it. I feel no different. I feel exactly the same.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Also, it's like, but at the same time, I was consistently feeling worse. See, this is nice. And now I'm not feeling worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Because the goat is in the field. Yeah. And its cheese is, you know, slightly healthier. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Can we write a musical that's based off of The Wiz, but it's all about Zizzias, and it's called The Ziz? Rob, cut this out. We have to write this out. We just lost a million dollars if we put this in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
There's no place to escape to. This is the Last Podcast on the Left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
I think that works. Oh, my God. Is your Starbucks squirting?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
Hold on, I got to hit my theme music before I come out. Yeah, no, but they took him into custody without incident.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
It's a good present. It's done for you already.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
Should be well if there's no water, by the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
And then below the article is this pregnant dog picture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
What am I? I got all day to think about where I'm parking my knife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
I can't wait, man. Yeah, I'm definitely going to go in early.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Revenge of the Drones
It's got, well, I mean, lights are easy to attach.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
What happened to him? Who, a seal? Yeah. I think he was on tour last year. He's still doing his thing. Kiss from a Rose is a big hit. People love that shit. He's handsome. I think he's handsome. Do you want to get to regular news?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
They were flying drones over the fires, and they couldn't fucking fly the planes to dump the water because people were flying drones, taking video footage of the fires.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Is he's going to get 18 months in prison. Yep. And then when he gets out, they're like, and 50 hours community service.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
27 to me is like a real number. That's a good number we can start considering you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
By the time I was 28, I was done doing drugs. Well, except for mushrooms and acid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
No, but this guy did steal fetuses and body parts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
They didn't tell us his actual sentence, but he's going to get in trouble too. It sounds like he also threw the other guy under the bus. Does he get in trouble in Wichita or Pennsylvania where he's from? Or is it now a federal case once it crosses state lines? Side stories. LPOTL. At gmail.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I mean, there's obviously a website that they went to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Well, there was the guy from Harvard who stole human remains.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
There are some people, sure, but I have no idea what you're talking about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Get this off the screen. I don't want this. This has nothing to do with anything. I'm glad you have a hobby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Big watermelon. You got to play it. It's a great game. It's on my phone, and I connect the watermelons, and then all the other fruit disappears, and I can start all over. It's like Tetris, but it's all fruit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
They weren't roaming as much as they were like, they were next door pigs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Well, people say it was Christmas, but it was also the first day of Hanukkah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
They hate them. I talked to some Rottweilers. They say some really nasty shit about old ladies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
But also like... If it was teacup pigs, what do we... I mean, this lady had it coming.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I don't think they're killing for the thrill of it. She probably was yelling at the pigs. She saw them running around on Christmas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
You think she yelled at the pigs? She said, yes, she could have yelled at the pigs and then caused the pigs stress. And then the pigs killed her. I'm not saying it's her fault.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I mean, I would probably want to play with them. I like pigs so much. I'd want to kiss them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah. Fly from your grave. You know, the pigs could have helped with this other situation we got here. Which one? This happened in Mobile. Oh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
It's calmed down, but I think there is still random soup being dropped occasionally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
But our boy Drew is doing good. He's volunteering at the animal shelter these days. That's great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
So this comes from Mobile, Alabama. Someone wrote, please tell me this isn't what I think it is. Just got back home from work and found this surprise on my door handle. I don't know what it looks like and I can't make an educated guess on what it is. Can someone please explain to me what the fuck is going on?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yes. No, that is become that. I was like, all right, what are we reading here? Why? Why was this given to me as a story? And then I'm going through the Reddit comments and it's just like, you need a gun. What kind of gun? You get a handgun. You can just get a handgun in one day. Well, maybe you should just get a shotgun that doesn't work. That way you can just pump it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah, I brought my Quince shirts and I brought my Raycons.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
And it's like, why would you get a shotgun that doesn't work? Because then you can't kill the person. And so everyone's just talking about how to just murder this person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
M-A-L-E. Well, I guess that's double. That's redundant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
And also, I don't think murder is the proper punishment for someone coming on your door.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I'm sure you had to deal with your fair share of cum. I've never seen anything like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
No, there's not a lot. It's hard to show. Yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah, people don't fucking get off on that. What's going on? That should be available to us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Are you requesting cum pictures? Do not send your cum pictures to Sidestory.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
People look at that. Yeah, if it was just me reading.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Well, you know where you can see a pile of cum? At a laundromat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
So now, first of all— It's already bad enough you've got to do laundry on Christmas Eve.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Now, fucking on a bus, I'm less, I'm less accepting of that. Yeah, me too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
You know what's interesting to me? She's looking at 21 months.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
And then he's looking at, what, two years?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Both more than the guy selling body parts. Yep. That is crazy to me. I just watched the fucking... What is going on with these punishments of people?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
So these people are going to spend more time in jail than the guys selling body parts.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Let's get to some letters. Well, before we go, I just wanted to mention that if you're in Missouri and you see a buck going around with a collar and the word pet written on the side of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah, yeah. No, no. Not that. Not that. But yeah, apparently, real quick, a man discovered a deer while he was out hunting and he had the word pet painted on the side of it and it had a collar on. And people are, they say that that's not good. It's a wild animal and it cannot be a pet. So please do not make your deers pet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I got to say, surprisingly good. Yeah, people like it. As someone who loves Dylan, that movie was surprisingly good. Does he talk like that? The whole movie, yeah. And you know what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Basically, every single... We did not run out of water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Yeah, we'll figure that out. And whatever it is, we'll let you know what it is, when it is, so you can help and contribute and watch and laugh along. Yeah, fuckers. Otherwise, I love all of you, except for people I don't love.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
You should start spraying their house in a hazmat suit. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I got a solar-powered lamp. Yeah, I saw you said that. And I was like, what am I going to do? I'm just going to leave this outside and wait for it to work? It's solar-powered. It's annoying. I definitely regretted my decision the moment I got home and it was dark out. And I'm like, oh, there's no sun for the solar lamp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Oh yeah. Luckily, you know, I already have some home retardant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Thank you, everyone, for making us look stupid. I appreciate that. What do you mean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
She still has to, you know, rely on a calendar. Well, yeah. You know, it's not in total control. But it's her calendar. Yeah, I know. But still, like, days are going to happen. Time's going to happen. You're not in total control.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Marguerite Taylor Greene did ask that the people with the weather machine please send rain to Los Angeles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
Maybe all the brooms burned up because they're so flammable and the witches weren't able to control the wind because all the brooms were gone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
And then it was snowing there anyway and it would have been a total disaster if we went. So we're coming back June 28th and 29th, respectively.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
coffee he hits me up constantly to send me shirts and more beans i never say i never turn down free coffee especially his coffee because it's delicious don't ever do it he sent me recently a bag of mystery coffee and then wrote on it might be horrible did he sends experiments to me too he sends me experiments might be horrible it's awesome i love to try it i always do it yeah but sometimes it's great freezer now i'm scared of it it's delicious it's just coffee
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
We don't know who sent this. We don't know anything about this information. We don't know if this is true or not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale
I'm also, you know what else? I'm going to take away your rolly hot dogs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
No, but I thought, no, they hated him. They've been fighting. The MAGA's been fighting with him a bunch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Oh, well, of course he is. He's from Chicago.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Pope's brother, you know, I mean, what do we expect here? Yeah. May we all be judged by the worst member in our family. True. Very true. Very true. But I had such a good time in Florida. It was just an amazing time. So much good food. I went to the beach.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Shout out to Adam Wertz and Julie Rosing for fucking shepherding me and being my tour managers and helping me sell merch and shit. But I think the most important part of my trip was Key West. Chickens everywhere, by the way. Covered in chickens. Breakfast was expensive. You know what? It's like someone's fucking up. There's chickens everywhere. Just give me the eggs. And I know what it was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
I saw a bunch of baby chickens. They let them live. And yeah, I think that's the main problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
But regardless... It's not going to be great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
But I brought gifts for everybody. Oh! Yes, and so a little something for you, a little something for Rob, a little something for the studio. But before... I show you, I went and met and visited Robert. Robert the doll. Robert the doll.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Robert the haunted doll. The most haunted doll in the world, apparently. Yeah. Yeah, no, I went and visited him. There is definitely something off. Yeah. No question about it. You know, he was he was very nice. I talked to him. I apologized for what Henry said about him on the show. And when the mics cut out and stuff like that, I apologize. I brought him some of my merch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
I have actually some of my merch was I got biggest baby merch, you know, that I sell at the shows. But I actually made like child size shirts for like my relatives and I had extra. So I brought like a child's Ed Larson biggest baby shirt for Robert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
i told him he doesn't have to wear it no he doesn't want to but you know it's his i wrote him a little note from last podcast on the left thanking him for his contribution to our show it's very nice and he was great and i i asked for permission before we filmed him and then he's i assuming he said yes and we uh we filmed him uh me and him talking for a little bit and he was very sweet i really think that um he's been he was he really helped me
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
get through those last three shows because i was so tired at the end of the tour and the power of robert really because that first show in key west the friday it was good but it was like my worst show yeah and because i was beat because after those two shows in orlando without henry and then those long ass meet and greets and shit i was i was working hard i'm one hour asleep you know it's all fucked up and then saturday morning i woke up i was like we need to go see robert and make sure everything's okay
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
And, you know, because he might have sensed that we were in town. You can't go to Key West and not go see Robert. Yeah. So I went and saw Robert. And also I got us for the studio. I got us a recreation of Robert. But, Rob, I before I take him out, you know, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
say something nice to robert because i i showed robert our robert and i wanted to make sure that like he knew like you know so part of robert might be with me right now so just say just ask him if it's okay that we put uh we put him on camera and he lives at the studio and stuff like that
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
We all went to Chili's, and he kept yelling at the waitress, and I was like, this guy's funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Also, I brought him on stage with me every night, and I kept asking him if my jokes were funny. No one in the audience really got it, but I had a great time. So here's our own Robert. Yes, this is ours. That's incredible. He is a star already. He was on stage all weekend. He was amazing. He did a great job. He was a good boy. I said goodnight to him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
I apologize that I made him sleep at the comedy club. Shout out to Comedy Key West for letting Robert crash there all weekend. And he was really appreciative. He got his box here. Yeah. He'll join us in the background at the studio. Thank you, Robert, for everything you do. I really appreciate everything, buddy. Thank you very much, Robert.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Now, the real Robert the Doll I met, first of all, thank you, Steve, for all the work that you do over there. Make sure you go visit Robert the Doll over at the Fort East Martello Museum, which is the Fort Zachary. First of all... Robert is far from the most haunted thing in that museum. Oh, yeah. It was a Civil War fort. And a lot of people don't know this, but Key West fought for the Union.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
I had no clue. I never think of Florida as a Civil War battleground. Yeah, no, I don't think there was much battling there, but they had a fort in case something happened. Sure. But they got hit also later on after the Civil War, they got hit really hard with the flu, with the Spanish flu. Yeah. And lots of bodies were, that's where they put all the bodies. I'd heard that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
And they were like stacked up and like in yellow fever. That's what it was. Yeah. And they were stacked up from ceiling. And then you're walking through all these like, and it's empty now. They didn't put nothing where the bodies were. And it's cold. It was 100 degrees outside. It was cold in there. It was fucking scary. And then so Steve, who works the front gate,
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
He was like, he loved that, you know, I was into this shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Because usually it's just people walking around that are drunk and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
And we will... Henry and I will be awful about it next week, don't worry, because I also have a dead dad, and we can commiserate that as well. I believe... Our dads died equally as horrible. Yeah. You really did. Oh, man. Mine's the only one alive. That's right. That's right. You're last. You made it, buddy. Congratulations. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
But yeah, no. So many people have wrote letters and they show all the letters and stuff like that. I wrote on the chalkboard for us and stuff. And I gave a letter. So I think they're going to present our letter. To Robert, which is good. But there's lots of interesting things I learned about Robert. I forgot that inside Robert is the soul of a little girl, not a little boy. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Yeah, which I forgot until I got there, and I was like, okay, good to know. Recently, you ever hear of Fantasy Fest? No. So in Key West, there's like this thing every year called Fantasy Fest. And it's like when a bunch of fucking big fat Floridians get together and fuck each other in front of everybody. And it's nudists. It's all a bunch of nudists.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Everyone's walking around with big, big old saggy painted titties and shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
be fucking just so you know people are going to be fucking like out in the open I was talking about like a bar yeah yeah well it's a new bar you should go to and in Key West there is one called the Garden of Eden don't go there the people are the same people who go to Fantasy Fest But so last year they had – Robert was commissioned to lead Fantasy Fest.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
And everyone was so worried because they want to be able to take pictures and shit. And they were really worried that if Robert was leading Fantasy Fest that they wouldn't be allowed to take pictures. So what they did was they made an exact replica of Robert.
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And then they took the replica to Robert and then said, Robert, would you please, if you want to come to the parade, feel free to enter this stall. I will bring the stall to the parade. And then when the parade is over, I will bring it back and you can enter back into Robert. And they claimed that they did that. Fantasy Fest went off without a hitch. It was a great time. No one died.
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No one got run over by a parade float. And yeah, yeah. David Sloan, great guy. And then he was the Grand Marshal with Robert. And then he came back and then he said when he put Robert back into the doll or the little girl back into Robert that he heard a little giggle. And I guess that signifies that Robert had a good time.
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Bud Light presents Robert the Doll. Yeah. So Robert was great. He was a grand marshal of Fantasy Fest. But that place, like the dude, Steve, he was showing me all these videos, like legitimate videos of orbs that he gets when he's closing down at night and stuff. But then there's also videos where like the lights are flickering and then he'll be like, and then you hear him go.
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If you're here, flicker the lights. The lights are already flickering. Take what you will. Of course. He also had this app on his phone called Ghost Vox or something like that.
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Where you can talk to the ghosts and they can respond to you through an app on your phone. I don't know how true it was, but it was always interesting. Yeah, I haven't heard of Ghost Vox.
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yeah yeah yeah yeah ghost vox maybe not box but yeah no it was uh yeah i don't i never heard of it before but he had it and he loved using it and you know shout out to steve and all the work you do down there at uh at uh the uh the fort east martello museum and uh keeping robert safe and i was so happy to meet him and i julie i introduced him to julie she didn't like robert as much as i did but she understood where my love is but she said it is getting a little obsessive
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just your love for robert the doll in particular yes okay not just in general paranormal it's just like you're really focusing in on this one haunted doll i like robert robert's my guy we're in no i've we formed a bond and you know that's it you know i get it and he's here i'm sad that there won't be at home but i got a key chain but i got i got you something i got rob something now rob i got you this
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This is a sticker that says protected by Robert and because he showed off our equipment that one time. So I want to make sure that you have your, you know, that you're protected by Robert. Nice. And then I got you this Marcus. Robert did it. Oh, that's awesome. A magnet for your fridge, you know? And then also I got you this.
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I also went to the, um, the Ernest Hemingway house and museum, which is down there. And, uh, I got you a pen because you're such a great writer. And, uh, I figured that would be nice. And, uh, it's,
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lots of cats it's very sweet thank you yeah they were everywhere Hemingway's house was a lot of fun too it was interesting yeah oh yeah Hemingway yeah I know it's so funny because Hemingway's got this big he's like everywhere but Tennessee Williams also lived down there and he's just got like a little shack no one gives a fuck
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I like it too. It's always a blast. Hail Big Henry. We're doing the show without Little Henry this week. But we took the week off yesterday. You still heard plenty of podcasts. We don't fucking take a week off from you. But we took a week off from our own lives and had some fun. You went to Hawaii. Did you do anything silly? Did you get in trouble?
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Come on, give Tennessee some, give them a little bit of love. But yeah, Key West was amazing. Go, if you get a chance, go down to Comedy Key West, the great comedy club there, run by Tom Dustin, who's got a new movie out, and he was fucking awesome and very, very, a lot of fun. Truly Boston. Joe List made a movie about this man. I had no idea until I got there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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And so it just came out. Joe, I've known Joe forever. I know. I miss Joe so much. Florida, I love you. Invasive species in the bag. So is my Florida hour. Now I have to write new jokes, which really is a bummer. But this week I got a very special thing happening tomorrow. You just want to keep people updated as far as like updates go or a pup date. I'm getting Harley tomorrow. Oh, the tumor dog.
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It's 19 and a half pounds that they lifted off of Harley.
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Yeah, and so now Harley is like an ox now. She's fucking killing it. We get her tomorrow, her staples come out, and then she comes over to the house, and I'm ready to accept this new dog into my life. She's definitely a little bit of a hunchback. It might grow back, you know, so... Just to let her know our house is sanctuary. And we're putting in a bell and everything's going to be nice.
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No, Harley's lived outdoors her whole life. I can't wait to give her a bed inside at the foot of mine. It's going to be great. And she'll get to end her life in my house, which is now doggy ho spice. So that is they'll have a great she'll have a great end of her life with me. And maybe, you know, Robert will bless her. But speaking of which, I can't move on from this just yet.
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Am I going to have to eat my words on Chad Vallow's pet cemetery? Because the way things are going, in two years, I'm going to have three dead dogs back there. I mean, I have Rambo's ashes. I don't know if I'm going to bury it or not. Sure. And so I don't know if I'm going to bury Rambo or not, but I do have his ashes. I think maybe I could mix them with something and maybe he'll like that.
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Maybe put it at a skate park so we can haunt the skate park or something because he hated skateboarders so much. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, no, that is a good question. Yeah, I think we could do a little pet sanitary back there.
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You're going to have one. Mr. Pastrami, my buddy, did buy me a Rambo grave rock. So I've already got the stone. And then, you know, but when I move, because I do rent, I don't own. So when I do move, I will move the stone and not the body.
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Yeah. Which is fine. Which is fine. We'll let Rambo haunt that backyard. But if you want your own adopted dog. Come to Last Puppy Benefit on the left. It's going to be Friday, May 23rd, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. over at the Masonic Temple in Hollywood Forever Cemetery. We are doing this with Pups Without Borders. No Dogs in Space is going to perform.
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We got some other members of the last podcast that we're going to perform. Come. Hang out. The first hour, we're hanging with puppies. Yeah. And then we're going to fucking chill. We're going to have some drinks. We're going to hang out with puppies. We're going to have some drinks. And then we're going to tell a bunch of murder stories. Yeah. And, like, what's a better time than that?
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You went to the beach? No, actually we did mostly rainforest shit.
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I was going to be surprised. I don't know how well you do at the beach.
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Oh, that's so nice. Yeah, I got that at the silent auction. We're going to have a silent auction here. You're going to be able to win a dinner with Ron Perlman. Yeah. Yeah, which is wild. And then we're going to donate some stuff. We don't know what we're donating yet, but we're going to donate some stuff for the silent auction as well. And it's going to be a fucking blast.
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I really can't wait to do this. I love the Masonic Temple. Shout out to them. We did a side stories there for the Netflix's The Joke Festival, and it was fucking hot. It was wild. So it's a great place to see a show. Great place to hang out. You can go visit Toto's grave. Yeah. You know, lots of dog stuff all at once.
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You know who else is buried there? Brand new. Hot on the ground. David Lynch. That's right. Yeah. So we can go see his fucking ass.
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Whoa. I mean, Queens, most, you know, how do they represent Queens? It's the most culturally diverse neighborhood in the world.
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Yeah. I mean, I love that octave range. Getting real into Minnie Riperton lately. Oh, yeah. And so, yeah, feed me to it. Also, another dog kind of adjacent in Hollywood Forever, Humphrey Bogart. Humphrey as in hump the leg. Yeah. And that's free.
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Well, this is side stories. We have to get to stories eventually. But it's been wonderful catching up with you, Marcus. It's been great catching up with you as well. I'm glad you had a great trip, and I as well. I'm very happy that the Florida tour went off great. Man, I can't wait to do more shows, but it's going to be a lot of fun. We got an update. Yeah. One update for all of you listeners.
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They found another victim of Herb Baumeister.
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So, I mean, it takes forever with all those little fragments. Daniel Thomas Halloran of Indianapolis was identified through genealogy match. He's the second victim to be identified since Hamilton County Coroner Jeff Jellison reopened the investigation into the disappearance of dozens of men from the early to mid-1990s and the 10th known victim overall. But, yeah, so it could be up to 25 people.
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Yes. And it said when Jellison learned of Halloran's mother had died of a drug overdose two years ago, he checked with Marion County Coroner's Office to see if they handled the case. They had and they had kept a DNA swab in their files. That swab confirmed Texas labs finding that Jellison subsequently found a living relative, a daughter. who was two when her father went missing. So crazy.
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And to get that closure now, like 30-something years later, is fucking nuts.
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I think I'd rather know that, I think knowing that he was murdered is oddly more comforting. Yeah, it's more comforting for you. Yes. But for the dad. No, way worse.
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This guy, I mean, he looks very much like Theo Vaughn. He does. And I'm sure Herb loved him, unfortunately.
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One or the other. Either way, he fits in, that's for sure. He does. He does. Well, I'm glad that that was figured out, and I hope they find some more. If you have a dad who went missing in the Indianapolis area in the 90s, maybe you should... Hit up Jellison. Find out if maybe it happened. Figure it out. They got lots of bones. They don't know what the fuck they're doing with.
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In case he traveled, you know, he could have dumped bodies. You know, it's not like he's going to bring someone back from California to bury him in, you know, Illinois.
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You know, and so you never know what happened with these fucking guys.
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I think it's the right choice. It was the correct choice, but for me, it was butcher. I wish I would have learned to be a butcher, but I wasn't, and now it can just be a hobby. So if anyone dies and wants to donate their body to Marcus, he'll fucking play with it. I'll fucking stick a tube in your ass.
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Okay. Now I know that they like put like formaldehyde through you and stuff like that for, uh, what is the embalming process? I don't even really know.
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Amazing. I love Hawaii so much, man.
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So they sucked out his organs through his ass? Yeah.
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Yeah, there is a little something in there, like that must have been a cork or something.
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Or they just pulled the intestines like a rope.
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Just let it go. Just turn them into a big joint, man. I got to say, great teeth. For a 17th century man, holding up to this day. Great teeth.
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Rob, can you zoom in on the penis for me?
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There's not really anything left. Do you think it fell? Oh, no, it's there.
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It is there. Wow. Okay. It looks sort of cocooned. I mean, of course, it's deflated. It got emptied, but yeah, it's still there. Yeah. All right. Uncircumcised. Good to know. I should hope so. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, all right. Sticks and around. Stick it around. Stick it around. Just put them up. Put them up in there.
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I got something that oddly, I was going to have you go twice in a row, but this one of my stories kind of goes into what we've already been talking about. Pittsburgh funeral homeowner allegedly dumped pets in a landfill after charging for the cremations. This is terrible. What a fucking asshole. I mean, like, come on. Just do your job. Yeah. It's got to be easier.
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Yeah, it's got to be easier than driving all the way out to the landfill. And dumping a bunch of dogs out the fucking... All right, so this comes from, whatchamacallit, from a WTAE, which is a Pittsburgh affiliate, Action News. A Pittsburgh funeral home owner is accused of stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars from people who paid for pet burial and cremation services.
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According to Pennsylvania Attorney General, thousands of dogs and cats were improperly disposed of after the owners paid for the cremation, burials, and other services. This guy collected over $650,000 between 2021 and 2024 from people, and then he just took the dogs and the cats and he threw them in the trash instead of giving people what they deserved, which is some comfort.
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So it's crazy that this man did this, but he finally got caught. You just can't throw dogs in the trash.
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More than 6,500 victims have already been identified. So this, I mean, don't go to the dump in Pittsburgh. Yeah.
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I did. I went to the dump once. I don't know why the fuck my dad brought me to the dump. I went to Mount Pompano, we call it. The only hill in all of Broward County is a giant fucking dump. And I tell you what, those seagulls are the size of Buicks up there.
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We were at the top, and we weren't dumping something. We were talking to somebody. And my dad had a deal with someone at the dump or something. Your dad had a guy at the dump? There was something. I don't know what it was. He had business at the dump, and I had to go with him.
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just blown away by the size of the seagulls just like i remember just be like those are big fuck and my dad was laughing his ass off yeah yeah no i mean i don't think my dad was i mean my dad was involved with like some minor thievery but nothing crazy illegal it's not like he was like a murderer or anything like that no so it's a wonder why the fuck i was at that dump To the bottom of this.
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But yeah, this case was disturbing and will cause devastation and heartache to many Pennsylvanians. Attorney General Dave Sunday said, our pets are members of our families. And this defendant betrayed and agonized pet owners who entrusted him to provide dignified services for their beloved cats and dogs. I know as someone who just got their dog's ashes, I don't know how much I would care. Yeah.
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I'd be pissed. I'd want to punch the guy. Yeah, angry phone call care.
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But I don't know. I understand, but why do we even get it? Why do we get them back? I guess it's just we romanticize it a lot.
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But now I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do with these things?
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I'd feel better about that than just burying or burning me. At least I'm giving back. Yeah, because the vultures, they take the bones, everything.
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We know. It's blurred, but that's a human.
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Good. Yeah. Wow. How annoying is his mother that they're releasing him to take care of her? Nobody. Can't get anyone to fucking. Go on.
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Get him out of here. So he killed his wife and then he ran her over with a lawnmower?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Hawaii, man. I can't wait to go back. There's lots of crazy shit there. It's all invasive species, and I think that's fine.
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Well, I hope his mom, you know, is happy that he's there.
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Yeah. It's a very Australian thing. I mean, he is classically attractive. Yeah, he is. Yeah, no, for sure. He's definitely like a good-looking man, but yeah, no, it's true.
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I guess there's just less to hear out there.
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Well, we're coming close on some time, but I wanted to rapid fire, go through some animal stories. There's some interesting stuff happening around. First one is in Ohio, which is this one. It's just too much fun to not bring up. And, you know, define fun. So a police officer in Ohio was shocked to find a raccoon holding a meth pipe after following its owner's arrest.
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This guy, he pulled over this woman, and she had a raccoon who was legally her raccoon. She had the paperwork for the raccoon, but she did not have paperwork for all the meth that she had. And then when the cop took her out of the car, the raccoon got a little frisky and grabbed the meth pipe. And we got some footage of it. Let's see it.
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Yeah, and the raccoon found another one and immediately put it to its mouth.
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I guess it's safe to assume that this raccoon has done meth before. But it seems pretty calm. Yeah, I think he was eating meth.
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Yes. I mean, who knows what happened. I'm sorry that this woman got addicted to drugs and was so loosey-goosey with him that her raccoon was playing with her meth pipe during a traffic stop. But...
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As someone who used to drive and smoke weed, I only had one pipe with me. Yeah. So maybe that's the difference between weed and meth.
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Oh, and the raccoon's name is Chewy. Oh, Chewy. Well, I hope they don't euthanize you, Chewy. While our officers are trained to expect the unexpected, finding a raccoon holding a meth pipe is a first. No raccoons were hurt or injured in the incident. Thank God. Always, we remain committed to keeping our community safe no matter what surprises come our way.
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So thank you to the Cuyahoga Falls Police Department. I guess that's outside of Cleveland. That checks out. Yep. Yep. Yep. Oh, wow. And, you know, shout out to Travis Irvine. Yeah. Our own Ohio raccoon that works here. And he doesn't do meth, and so that's good. He does not, and as far as I know, never has.
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Yeah, that's the Saturday directly after Thanksgiving. So that's going to be a lot of fun. I'm actually going to visit my family in Cincinnati and then drive on over, go to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and then do a show for you fucking wild cheeseburger-loving fucks. So while I was in Florida, real quick, I just want to say there was crazy animal deaths. The first...
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Black bear kill in Florida happened in Naples when I was in Naples. This is nuts. Yeah, no, a black bear killed a man and his dog. There has been multiple bear attacks in Florida before, but this is the first bear officially killing somebody in Florida. And eating them. And a black bear, it's usually not, black bears are supposedly the most chill of the bears.
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Yeah, don't you just have to shout at a black bear and he's supposed to go away?
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I was walking my friend's dog and I was like, there's a bell. What's the bell for? And like, oh, when you see a bear, you, you ring the bell. I was like, well, you walk your dog. And yeah, but the black, it was weighing close to 300 pounds. That's not even, I'm that, you know? And so it's not even that big of a bear, but it did fucking kill this old man, 89 year old man.
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That's the main, that's, I think that's the, he, I, it would have been, he was probably, you know, he was old. And what a way to go out at 89, by the way.
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Eaten by a bear. You're retired in the same town as Larry Bird and Bob Seger. Ha! and judge judy and you fucking get attacked by a bear and that's how you go out fucking crazy um also uh there was a alligator kill in florida oh before i move on i just wanted to tip you off to this and our listeners at home um this has not been updated to one of my favorite wikipedia pages
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Um, so hopefully this gets updated soon. Anyone who out there who updates Wikipedia, um, do this for me, but there is a list of fatal bear attacks in North America, Wikipedia page, and it goes all the way back to the 1780s. It's a delight. Each story is better than the last. I'm just going to pick a random one.
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Um, we'll say this one was, uh, September 20th, 2005, Arthur Louie, a six year old male in Canada near Brown river, British Columbia, um, A female and two cubs attacked Louie on a remote forestry road. He was walking back from his gold mining camp after his car broke down. There's lots of stories like this. And they all got little ones. And it's always so interesting. They're mostly in Canada.
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Canada's where people get killed by bears the most. Or Alaska. But I'll just pick another one. These are wild. These are good. I believe the Revenant guy is in here somewhere, too, if you dive deep enough. But, yeah, so we got October 22, 1956. Kenneth Scott, 29, male, U.S., near Augusta, Montana. While elk hunting, a hunter in Scott's group was attacked, and the bear was shot and wounded.
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When they went back to kill the bear, Scott's gun jammed, and the bear mauled him. So they should have left him alone!
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Check this one out. 1855, John Grizzly Adams, the man's name, 48 years old, Sierra Nevada, California, professional trapper and trainer of wild animals. He was badly injured while dislodging his scalp and leaving a silver dollar hole in his head. He died in 1860 from complications of his scalp wound. I mean, each story, they're quick, little three-sentence bangers.
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You know what happened with the mongoose thing? I learned this when I was over there because I was mongoose everywhere. The first time I saw a mongoose, I was like, what the fuck? Is that a mongoose? I was like flipping out and shit. And I was like, what the hell is going on with all the mongoose that came to kill the rats?
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Fielding Isaacs. No age. Fielding was found with his skull crushed in a 1,300-pound grizzly's mouth with his knife broken in the grizzly's neck. And both deceased. Colonel William Smith, a.k.a. Rebel Bill, wrote an autobiography to detail the incident in his autobiography. So it could be fake. Each story is more amazing than the next.
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April 16th, 1956. We got a twofer. Lloyd Pennington and Everett Kendall, USA, the Copper River-sensuous area of Alaska. Two men were hunting a spotted bear den near Snowshoe Lake and attempted to lure the bear out, assuming it was weak and hungry, when it came out and killed them both. A rescue team shot and killed the bear when it refused to back away. Sorry they killed the bear.
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Sorry they killed the bear. You're always sad about that. You go to a bear's house and you pick a fight. I don't know what you think is going to happen.
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But the problem with that was the rats are nocturnal and the mongoose stay awake during the day. So they didn't kill them enough. So they had to bring in a bunch of cats. And now there's a fucking cats everywhere. So now the cats are a problem. The rats are a problem. The mongoose are a problem. And so, you know, Hawaii is just filled with these invasive species.
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Oh, man. All right. And finally, a Florida woman was killed by an alligator during a canoeing trip. She was in Tiger Creek near Lake Kissimmee in Polk County last Tuesday. She was 61 years old. She was on the canoe with her husband. And there was an alligator. It was shallow water. And they hit the gator, which was 11 feet long.
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And it tipped over the canoe, and the gator killed her, and the husband, unfortunately, was not able to save her, even though he tried. That shit fucking happens. But we did lose a famous alligator. Big gator. Who I really want to... I think we should...
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we should shout out to Morris, the 640-pound alligator, believed to have been more than 80 years old and the source of an impressive list of movie and TV credits. Most famously, he was the alligator from Happy Gilmore. He was the alligator that took Chubb's hand. Yes, I can't believe he lived longer than Carl Weathers.
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Yeah, he was also in Alligator 1 and Alligator 2, Interview with the Vampire, Dr. Dolittle, Eraser. Great Alligator scene in Eraser. That is a fantastic Alligator scene. Great Alligator scene. And also, Blues Brothers 2000. Don't remember the Alligator in Blues Brothers 2000. I don't remember Blues Brothers 2000. I mean, I know it exists, but the plot escapes me. As it should.
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So, Morris, shout out to you. This episode is dedicated to you and Henry's father. May you be reunited and held together. Who gets top billing? I mean, unfortunately, Henry's dad was almost in daylight. That is true. He was almost the Sylvester Stallone tunnel rescue film. Yeah. He was almost in that. They filmed the scene, but they ended up cutting it. So top billing goes to Morris. All right.
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Yeah, all right. Yeah, but Henry's dad also, shout out to you. We love you so much, Henry Sr. Big shout out. But yeah, you're second place to Morris, unfortunately. I mean, come on. Morris was on Coach. Yeah. I mean, Coach is a great show. Night Court, Leno, you know, he's done lots of good work. And we could all hope for a 20-year retirement. We really could. Yeah, in Florida. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
How are you doing today, Ed? Pretty good. If you're going to fill in, I'm afraid I'm going to ask you to put on a lot more weight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Or no, this is Colorado. He was in Colorado.
Last Podcast On The Left
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No. Yeah. Oh, I mean, it's not. I mean, it's it's a better place as far as like, you know, humanity goes. But as far as fun and having a great time, I mean, nothing's better than Florida. I just realized that. I miss my home so much, and I had a great time there. No matter how horrible it may be, you're my horrible, and I'll be with you forever, Florida.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Shout out to my friend, April McCormick, who has to kill some of those cats, unfortunately, from time to time. Wow. Because they, you know, there's so many of them and they're fucking with all the other things, killing all the birds and all this shit. You got to do a cult. You got to do the thing. So they work for animal control? Yes.
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Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
uh and they said in an update on monday they announced we have decided to get morris taxidermied so that he can continue to scare children for years to come it's what he would have wanted yes absolutely yeah taxidermy everybody it's a very taxidermy heavy episode lots of animals uh we love you guys oh um we have one listener mail i'll get to it real fast i'll read it real fast um but this is uh it was very nice um
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
scared stupid listening to the last side stories episode about alien movies henry mentioned uh in inadvertent scary movies that left lasting impression from our childhood mine unabashedly is earnest scared stupid yeah hear me i it scared the fuck out of me too by the way
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
They were very scary. All the snot in Ernest was very funny. Oh, yeah. Hear me out. While visiting some cousins in South Jersey, I was invited to watch this movie. As the only kid in the house and undoubtedly getting on everyone's nerves, I was sat down in front of an old TV to watch this movie. Short of recapping the whole plot, I was scared stupid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
To put it plainly, this movie that made me afraid of the dark, to my knowledge, I previously was not. After watching trolls hatch out of tree eggs and dissolve after being squirted with super soakers filled with milk. Authentic Romanian Miak. My ride through the Pine Barrens back home was terrifying. The Pine Barrens are a scary place. Lots of bodies there. Oh, yeah. I'm a dirty devil. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
This movie was the reason I don't hang my leg out of my bed, out of the sheets anymore. The hole they can't get you if you're fully covered. I mean, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Absolutely. Oh, yeah. I've let go of most of the fear, but goddamn, I was horrified. This movie did scare the shit out of me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Yeah. No, it was wild. It was good. Yeah. So this one's number one, Ernest. Camp's got to be second. Yeah. And then I guess Ernest goes to jail. It's pretty fucking awesome. That fight scene at the end. Jail.
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Well, she works for, like, science researchers, and then also she has to go kill cats occasionally. And, like, it's totally changed her. She used to be, like, a strict vegetarian. Yeah. And, like, you know, wouldn't... And now she's just, like, hardened, eats pork and shit and fucking... She's, like, a whole new person. And so, you know, shout out to her. Thanks for... Killing the cats? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
He never went to Africa? Did he join the army? I think Ernest Hemingway went to Africa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Yeah, I think there's a good chance Hemingway went to Africa. But regardless, he definitely went to Paris, which I know is nothing like Africa. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Well, give me the pen back. No. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Last puppy benefit on the left. May 23rd, 7 p.m. Masonic Lodge at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Last podcast on the left. No dogs in space. Special appearances from other members of the LPN family, but you don't give a shit about that because you get to play with puppies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
So come on out and let's support these dogs and the people who basically what happened after the fires. A lot of people, when they moved, they weren't able to take their dogs with them because they had to move very fast and into places that didn't take dogs. And so there's a lot of extra dogs that need places to go in Los Angeles right now. So we're doing this benefit to help out.
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I hope you will come and support as well. Contact in the Desert is going to be from May 29th to June 2nd. We will be there doing multiple shows at the Renaissance Resort at the Coachella Valley. Last podcast on the left, we're touring. The two coming up soonest are going to be on June 28th. We're going to be in Atlanta at the Coca-Cola Roxy. There's still some tickets for that. And in...
Last Podcast On The Left
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July 12th, we're going to be in Salt Lake City at the Sandy Amphitheater. That's going to be my first outdoor show with y'all. Outdoor shows are fun. I'm very excited. So y'all come out. I love you very much. Shout out to Big Henry. And I hope Henry is doing a little better. He is... It is...
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
it's weird because it is nice as someone who's like emotionally guarded as Henry is, it is watching him confront his emotions. I think is like, this is, is very interesting. And I applaud him.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, I love you guys very much and be good. And we'll talk to you in a couple of days.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
That's right. I got a couple hails today. We got to hail Big Henry, hail Morris, and of course, hail Robert the Doll.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Thank you, Robert. We love you, Robert. Thank you for protecting us. Thank you, Robert.
Last Podcast On The Left
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I don't know. It's weird. But what are you going to do?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
you're too thin boy do we have a fat suit yeah i'm gonna go full clump today well listen um obviously we hear marcus because we have some unfortunate news we lost a member of the last podcast family and um big henry zabrowski henry zabrowski senior unfortunately has passed away and uh
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
It is a very important place, Hawaii. I love it so much. Just learning about it when I was there, it's wild. And you know why everyone who lives there is so protective about it.
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They have to be. Otherwise, you know, you flip out. Hawaii, unfortunately, high suicide rate. Really? Yeah, yeah. And it's also, I learned Key West also has a high suicide rate. And it's interesting. Well, it's like that island escape culture. I feel like, you know, it might invite...
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I mean, you know, you can like the same things. Yeah. It's okay. Hawaii's very nice.
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If I met you and you're a murderer, you're in. There's no way we're not talking about it. Man, with this picture, I guess these aren't engagement. These are wedding photos.
Last Podcast On The Left
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You think he's faking the guitar here?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
It is interesting to look at this photo and know that this man is going to get riddled with bullets from the government.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
This would be the outfit, too. The white outfit. Like, it would be, if you're going to do it, man, put him back in the fucking linen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
We will do a nice, bigger announcement, but Henry's taking the week off, and we're going to let the boy rest against his own will. Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
I feel like it would have to mix with orange or something.
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Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Satisfied. You made one choice. You made one choice. Yeah, linen, I think, as always, would be the best cloth to be shot by the government in. And on that note, how was your vacation? Well, speaking of invasive species, the invasive species tour was a success! Hell yeah! Thank you to everyone who came out. I did 11 shows over two separate tours. Fucking hour, by myself, finally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Never done it before. I've done it 11 times now, and... It was great. It went really well. It's hard to say that you did really well, but I did. And it was fucking cool. Everyone who came to the shows had a great time. I loved meeting everyone. Thank you so much for everyone that understood that Henry obviously called out from the side story shows in Dania and Orlando.
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Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
Even then, even though he called out, he still called... He let me call him during the show and make fun of him. And so, you know, it was a journey. And, you know, and it was like luckily I had a bunch of dead dad jokes that I could tell. And, you know, it just went right. It segued real well. Yeah. Sometimes these things dovetail.
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Side Stories: Raccoon with a Meth Pipe
but the shows were fucking amazing i had an awesome time fucking naples uh naples and there was everywhere i went it seemed like there was a weird florida tragedy followed me and we'll get to some of the stories later on but yeah literally there was a bear attack in naples there was an alligator attack uh close to fort lauderdale uh it was uh it was crazy welcome to the synchronicity my friend
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I've noticed. Yeah, we made fun of the old Pope the day before he died. It's just wild how this shit goes, man.
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Oh, my God. Chicago Pope. And he seems to be not racist.
Last Podcast On The Left
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No, he's a maniac. Committed. We say committed. Yes. And, you know, hail Big Henry. We love you. I miss that guy already. He was a lot of fun. I remember the day I met him was when I helped Jackie move in to her dorm at Florida State. And then Big Henry was there. And I was like, all right, this is Henry's dad. You know, and he was so obnoxious. Yeah.
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Well, I can't wait to discover whatever nightmares this man has committed in his past. I'm sure there's a couple. But so far, so good, new Pope.
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Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Well, you better get on with it because I'm confused. Ghost Adventures. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize it's an update. It is. Because I do remember we talked about it a while ago when it was more like rumors that there were some kind of animosity.
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She had been starting a bunch of like what we now know is that Aaron Goodwin, who is one of the cast members of Ghost Adventures, Zach Bagans, you know, very famous.
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nouveau warren world where he is the he is the grand commander of all paranormal television and ghost adventures kicked it all off the og ghost bros and this guy uh was saying i guess his wife was uh victoria goodwin was starting to do like there was like an online kerfuffle i think i don't know if you remember this i don't but now Charges have finally hit the fucking internet, and it is crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
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So, Ghost Adventure star Aaron Goodwin, his wife, Victoria Goodwin, has now been arrested officially after allegedly plotting to have him killed. Yeah, she was booked on two charges, solicitation to commit murder and conspiracy to commit murder. Murder. She was trying to make one of the hosts of Ghost Adventures a ghost. And then he would have went. See, that's my problem with Ghost Adventures.
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What? Is the name. Because Ghost Adventures seems like it should be about a ghost on an adventure. Well, the ghosts are on an adventure. They're joining the Ghost Adventures. Oh, they're joining the Ghost Adventures. Actually, I don't know. I think Ghost Adventures was just the first thing that they had come up with as a pitch back in the day, and now they're locked.
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Yeah, see, I think Ghost Hunters makes more sense. There is Ghost Hunters. I know there is Ghost Hunters. I'm just saying, I think that makes more sense. It would have. As a title for a show that's like this. Ghost Adventures, I think, at the time, sounded more positive. Yes, but now, he almost went on his own ghost adventure. Oh, he would have been a ghost? They would have adventured upon him.
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Yes. And then he would have made money. And how jealous.
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No, I think that apparently Zach's super surprised by this. And the way it went down was that his wife, so Victoria Goodwin, who's cute, you know, she's cute, normal wife, whatever. It seemed that she was, I'm going to go on a limb. Now, this is full on me extrapolating that she was seducing an inmate from prison that she was speaking with a great deal.
Last Podcast On The Left
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And eventually, this is the person that they eventually offered $11.5? Something like that. Yeah, $1,000. $11,000 to kill this man. To kill a celebrity. To kill a celebrity, which is, again, low-balling. I feel like $11,000 is low to kill anybody. We've talked about this. I still think that the minimum is $25,000. I said $100,000. I can't believe $25,000 is a minimum.
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It should be more than a car to kill somebody. The only reason why I think it's 25 is, and we talked a little bit about this, is that the economic bracket that most people are in looking for a hitman to kill their husband is normally medium to high. Like it's normally in a middle to high level. And so I think 25 is a gettable amount of cash.
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A lot of people that are super rich, they can't get that money necessarily. They're either not liquid or what we found with a lot of rich people, they just do it themselves.
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We're like, fuck it. Why get a middleman involved? So they found her texts with this, uh, with this inmate in the Florida prison. Cause she deleted the texts on her own, but he was hiding the cell phone and they found it and they got all this evidence. Yeah. They, they weren't even looking for this crime, but they found his phone and these, and these messages were on the phone.
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One of them was from her saying, am I a bad person? Because I chose to end his existence, not divorce. That's what they said. And then he was just like, no, no. And then he said, I give you twenty five hundred up front. Not enough. Always 50 percent. Yes. Can't believe that. And she communicated with him.
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There was one point where she was trying to make it happen, where she said to him, he's asleep right now in the hotel room.
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Was it done? This is what I also don't understand. Specifically, Lady Duman, is that whatever you want to say about... I mean this in the least incel-y way possible, is that the lady, quite often, has a lot of the strength...
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when you go into divorce court yes and because he's the breadwinner technically and if you aren't making that money you can take him for as much money as the judge is going to give you they're going to get they're going to probably give you the money it is so much more advantageous for you money wise for you divorce yeah right with men i understand in a way you gotta kill them Yes.
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You have to kill him. What I find interesting, and I guess ironic about the entire thing, is that they were married. Did you see this? They were married. At the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland. I mean, why not? How much money is that? But the attic scene. Constance Hatchaway. She kills all her husbands. It was fucking there all along. Interesting.
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It's in the plot of the ride where they got married. It's very possible. That the bride kills her husband. But he was already doing that. And it's really sad because he's like a real wife guy, too. He's taking lots of pictures of her. I mean, he's so ugly. Yeah. It's hard. This is three weeks ago.
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They were mini-golfing. They were mini-golfing, and he posted a picture of them mini-golfing with the caption, My Valentine always beats me at mini-golf.
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Maybe he lost the bet. Yeah. I think that this is, she really didn't care. He looks really happy in this picture.
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She does, too, but I don't trust her.
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Obviously, after, you know, because this is Post trying to kill him. Yes. This picture is after she... Because this hit was discussed in what, December? Oh, yeah. And then Aaron, he basically, he came forward and he said to TMZ, he was blindsided. He thought he had a happy marriage. And that's got to be the worst of all. Because in the end, you don't. She is already... Like, think about how...
Last Podcast On The Left
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intense that is too where it's not like she's fucking the sound guy it's not like she's fucking somebody some other professional like your booking agent she may be we don't know that we don't know but that's what she decided to do was to seduce an ex-con all the way in florida i know because maybe she felt like that would give her some to be honest i think maybe give her some distance how did she find that guy also he's not an ex-con occurring he was in jail
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She was going to get, apparently he was going to get, it sounds like, which I don't understand. It says inmate, but then she says all this stuff like, did you already do it? Blah, blah, blah. Which means. Well, that he knows a guy who he's sending. How many people are involved here?
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Well, she's obviously not good at it. No, no, no, no. It didn't get done. Again, you got to do it yourself, guys. Yeah. If you really want to murder, you can't trust all these people. Cut out the middleman. We're looking at a picture of them kissing on some rocks. Push him off the rocks.
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That's free. We learned that. That's totally free. Although there is a cameraman, obviously. Guess who you have to kill next.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Or guess who you get in on it. Guess what the inmate should have been. Dressed as a photographer. This could have all been done ahead of time. The inmate could have been the fall guy. He could have set it up. You just go like, I'm just going to go over here a little bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
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Do you have any idea what would happen if you just show your men your breasts and then he's in the confused state of looking at breasts? You can just push him right off the cliff. Yeah. It's that easy. I'd also love immediately people, people.com, first comment. She's cute. First comment. That sounds like something you'd say. Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
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But also, if you wanted someone to kill this guy, you should have reached out to Hulu. Should have reached out to Hulu. Hulu would love to get some marketing here. They love hitman shows. Yeah, they really do. They really, really do. Now, talk about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
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We'll go into this other story, because this kind of reminds me of this, is that who they definitely shouldn't have hired is this group of fucking chucklehead stooges that tried to rob Amaranth. Oh, my God. Now, Amaranth... is a, I'm going to go ahead and call her a queen of the internet. Yes. She is.
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People just say, I actually feel like when the way that they talk about her on this and the story, they, they kind of minimize her as an only fans model. Yeah. Amaranth is a, but she is. She is, but she is like kind of like a symbol in many ways. She's like the OG hardcore hot tub streamer. She flipped it all into a business. She's dealt with bullshit with her fucking, I believe her ex-husband.
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She was like held a prisoner. Amaranth has actually been through the ringer.
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But I will say— 6.2 million followers. She's huge. Amaranth is huge. This is on Twitch. She games, and she talks, and, you know, whatever you think about her, just know that she is technically an empire unto her own. Yeah, and I've never heard of her before this week, and I was researching, and I got to say, she's unattractive. Yeah, what a gross. Yeah, I can't.
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I couldn't imagine why anybody would want to look at these videos. Gross. Yeah. Get out of here. Uggos, but even Uggos don't deserve to be robbed, Eddie. My wife listens. No, they don't. They even just... But this lady, the one thing that Amaranth did incorrect... Let's get this out of here, Rob. I can't look at these pictures, Rob. Now, Amaranth is very attractive. Why did they do this to her?
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Because... And this is the other thing that I want to say. She's a young person. A little bit more. She's younger than us. She's 11 years younger. She's like 30. She's not young enough. She's 31 years old. She's not young enough to have done this, but I will say this to people. You have to...
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Think about who you're saying things to on the Internet, even if you are this big, especially if you are this big. So she said to her six point five million just on Twitch that she was had amassed over 20 million dollars in Bitcoin. Now, these guys decided, which I guess it's like. Which is the saddest thing of all. It's probably not that difficult to find her. Yeah.
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She's probably been doxxed multiple times already. It's probably not that hard. Yeah, she makes videos every day. She does. And so, according to her, three men, masked men, broke into her home. and pistol whipped her, hit her several times, and they said, you know, where is this money? We know that you have $20 million in Bitcoin.
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Because we watched the video of her being attacked earlier, or her being chased into her house, rather, not her actually.
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So the way it worked is that they came in, they first attacked her, they tied her up, and they started beating her. Then she said, if you want the money, my husband is the one that can give you access to it. Because this is also the silliest thing about Bitcoin. As in an order for them to steal it, they have to put a gun to her head, which is what they did.
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And basically say, you have to get on the internet and you have to transfer your money to my account. Like you have to go log in. Like a literal paper trail. Yes. So they would have gotten caught. Eddie, I'll never understand the fake money thing and how new fake money is better than the old fake money. I'll never understand.
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Like, I don't know, because some people say, oh, it's actually a unique code. And then some people say, oh, you steal the code. I have no idea how it works. I've had you guys explain crypto to me 90 times. I'd rather have. less money than be involved. I just couldn't give a fucking shit. I just couldn't give a shit. But she was worth a lot of it.
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And so these guys are all fumbling, trying to figure out how to get the money. And eventually she says, my husband can give you access. So what you see in the video, so this video that came out on Law and Crime, you're watching them go from the front house to the back house. So Amaranth is leading the three robbers to the back house. Oh, that's her driveway? That's her personal driveway?
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That's her compound. Man, she does really well for herself. Yes. And so they went to the back house. That's why there's dogs everywhere. Oh, yes. It's a whole compound. That's why she has the... I told you. You could see three custom cars. She's got an Escalade. She's got a custom G-Wagon. She's doing very well. And so they went in there where her husband was lying in wait with a gun.
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Now, the reason why he even knew what was going on, which is why I'm still kind of confused, was that instead of calling 911 in the heat of the moment, she tweeted, I am getting robbed. Well, because she couldn't call 911 because they're standing over her, but she could probably tweet where their fucking eyes closed.
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And that's what she said is that she was doing it because they were trying to get her to log into her Bitcoin account. And she's like, I am. I am. I'm logging in. And she said with this, I mean, just shows we all need to work on our media literacy, including robbers. Is that they looked and they saw that they didn't see that she was in her account. She was tweeting. And her husband saw the tweet.
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Yes. In the back house. Armed himself. She, and this is a, couples need a plan like this. I mean, it seems like, I mean, they put themselves in a rough situation, but it seems like they were kind of ready. Oh, yeah. She brought him to the back house. Husband lit him up. Shot one of the robbers. And they ran away. And so this shows you got to be careful. But they didn't catch the guys. No. No. How?
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How are they not able to? They gave their Bitcoin account to her, right? No, they were just trying to get. I think the goal was to have her log in. Then they take the phone. Oh, OK. But then she was like, oh, I can't. Oh, oh. Yeah. Very smart. Very smart. I think she should shift it to real estate. No, I think that people should subscribe to her OnlyFans and watch her videos.
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I think that they do, Eddie. She needs some more. If you have crypto, I say give it to her. I am going to say, Eddie, that while I do support Amaranth, she's doing very well. She just wants to buy her things. People do. People buy her stuff online. All day. She is very well bought for. She is doing very, very well, but we just want to say good luck to you, Amaranth. We hope that you're okay.
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Meg Turney, same thing. We had a friend, Meg Turney, that was also a model that went through the same shit, got fucking brutally robbed, tied up, beat, horrible. She's another wonderful lady that did not deserve it. Yeah, so you need an armed husband. I honestly, I think that this is where we need Boston Dynamic Dogs. Oh, my God. Well, she has three dogs. I know. They did nothing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
They did nothing. They were too good. They were running back and forth. They were too cute. They were actually just adorable. Yes, they were being too cute. They were not killing the robbers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow. This is wild. Yep. You know, but, you know, I'm sure they'll find these guys eventually. I mean, even if they don't, it's just knowing that you better be careful you come for. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
We don't know how to. They aren't allowed. They aren't allowed to change. But no, nothing else changes for you. It just so happens if you have a Stitcher Premium account, you will get the new Last Podcast on the Left main show a, quote, week early. But still, it is an evergreen show. So you're just going to get the same show the next week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Because even though she might be a hot tub streamer, she might be packing. All right. Well. There's some guys it's going to be, because one guy's going to be packing. Oh, my God. I love this. All right, so we were talking about how it was $11,000 for someone to hire a hitman. It's crazy, right? $11,000 to kill a famous human being. Yes. Legitimately has 20 seasons of television. So difficult.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And also, she was arranging the hit to be done on set. Yes. So where there's cameras. Yeah, fucking insane. But for 1,000 more. 1,000 more dollars. You can be Gene Simmons' assistant for one day. So Gene Simmons is doing a solo tour. This is the funniest concept I've ever heard. And so he put out this dumb shit, this fucking asshole. He put out this thing. What a fucking dickhead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
It's all like, so basically it's roadie for a day. Yeah. It's a special VIP package for his solo tour where you get to hang out and assist Gene Simmons. You're literally doing manual labor, setting up for the band show. Yeah. You were going to sit in on sound check and arrive at the venue with the band and hang out backstage for $12,495. That's so amazing. Tell a roadie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
If you know a roadie, tell a roadie. them be like, are you happy about this? Yeah, how much do you get paid? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Do you get $12,000 a day? A day? Yeah, yeah, or the Gene Simmons to just watch you do it. That just made me laugh so much. It's such a fucking silly idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Yeah, according to the listing, the high roller will go home with a set list signed by Simmons and assigned rehearsal-used bass guitar. Well, rehearsal-used bass guitar could be worth a couple thousand. I don't know. Guitar is pretty expensive. Guitar itself, probably Gene Simmons guitar. Yeah, one Gene Simmons guitar, it's probably itself worth like between $2,000 and $3,000.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Yeah, but where are you going to sell it? At one of those fake autograph stores at the Mirage? Yeah. You know? Yes. Oh, my God. R.I.P. Mirage. But last time I was there, I went into their autograph store because I love going to those stupid autograph stores and they're all obviously fake.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
You know, but my favorite was I was walking around and one of the autographs they had there was Leonardo da Vinci. Yeah. Hi. I remember. I know exactly what you're talking about. It's just like, wow. And can you imagine just, who does that impress?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I got the VIP meet and greet with him. Yeah, I said, let me tell you a thing or two about helicopters. Propellers. How about we go with propellers? oh man well i really hope no one does this stupid fucking gene simmons thing he All right, you know... What if we do $15,000? You pay me. Uh-huh. You get to do the podcast. What am I... Hold on. For an episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
If you pay me directly $15,000... Then I still have to come to work? No. I'm talking about the fans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
But that's what's really incredible about capitalism, isn't it, boys? You get the choice. Yeah, you get the choice. So if you sign up for Stitcher Premium this week, you'll get two episodes on Friday. And if not, your life doesn't change one bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And then they do the show with me? They get to do the show, yep. With me. So I have to carry the dead weight. No, they have to do me. They are you. Yeah. But they're guaranteed dead weight. And how much do I get? Same. I get another $15,000? No, same weight you always get. Your normal fees. Your normal payment. Well, then it's not going to work out. I won't show up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
You won't show up for the fan experience? No. All right. $3,000 goes to you. Okay. Yep. Done. The art of the deal. Man, I'll tell you what. I've hung out with Gene Simmons before, and he sucks. Yeah, I've heard he's not a nice man. Yeah, he's shitty to be around. He's not fun. I don't like him. His daughter's very nice. His daughter is very nice. Really? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Yeah, no, it makes me sad because, I mean, obviously he was never, you know, he is the most capitalist rock star of all time. He is unabashed about it. You know who is great? Dee Snider. Complete delight. Exonerated by time. I know that one of those guys. Just so much fun. Just normal. Hanging out all around you. You know who basically got exonerated by time, too, is Sammy Hagar. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
He's completely neutral. Yeah, no, no one cares. You know, like, you know, he doesn't have, like, yeah, obviously, he's got Cabo, Cabo Wabo's fucking crushing it, but you don't really see too many problematic characters there. No. You know what I mean? I kind of figured that, like, Nilos Ananopoulos and stuff would be there, you know what I mean? Yeah. But no. Just fucking normal-ass guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Yeah, he's fine. Yep. All right. Go check it out. Go to see Cabo Wabo. Yeah. And Sammy Hagar says he doesn't want to tour anymore. Oh. Yeah, he's fucking 70.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
It's here with me. Right now. It's a magic moment. Do it right here now. So, Lazio is the sack falconer. All right, now, Lazio is the name of the Italian soccer team? The Sierra A Club. Okay, so that's a Lazio, which I believe, I don't know what that means, a term involved, but... Statement read, SS Lazio Spa. Shocked to see the photographic and video images of Mr. Juan Bernabe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Now, Mr. Juan Bernabe, those of you that aren't aware, he was the falconer. for the Italian soccer team. They have, I guess, one of their mascots is an eagle, a bald eagle that flies around. And he's in charge of the eagle. His job is to watch the eagle. Now, if you look at this man, first thing I say in my head is, eh, eh, eh, eh, signore clean. Because he looks like Mr. Clean.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And we know he's super, super clean because his penis has been seen by many, many people now because he posted it. Why did he post it? Because he wanted to show off his absolutely... Impressive. Penile implant surgery. That's right. Now, they said that enough was enough. The company said they were really upset. The company apologizes to the people of Italy. Watch him kiss.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
He's kissing the eagle with that mouth. The company is aware of the pain shared by all that the loss of the eagle in the next home games will cause to the fans, but believes that it's not possible to be associated, all of us, and especially with the historical symbol of the eagle, with a subject with its initiative has made the continuation of the relationship impossible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
inadmissible that's a little bit roundabout way of saying they fired him because he put his penis on social media now he says that he didn't he said that he posted his own personal penile implant picture to his own facebook profile which is public it's a private profile but it's public because it's on the internet so what i he posted this picture and somehow
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
This amazing picture of his extremely well-made... I'm guessing some people's close friends group on Instagram that I'm like, we're not close friends. But it's kind of fun. I like to see... I'm like, aw. Yeah. That's nice. It's nice that you think of me that way. Aw, that's nice. But this guy... What I love about this guy is that he does not fucking care. In the most Italian way possible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
He says, I put the video on my private profile, so it's a private thing. If people then circulate it, what can I do? And so he literally is unaffected. He says, my conscience is clear. I published it only to let people know about the surgery. They said, did you regret posting the images? He said, absolutely not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I have never regretted anything, let alone doing it for something that has a medical purpose. Right? So he says he needs it. He said that his sexual desires were rampant. He said, this is, again, this is to a reporter, guys. This is to an out loud source. This is to somebody who he knows is writing it down. Oh, my God. That's the picture? Yeah. Yeah. This is the picture. He's so happy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Oh, my God. This is why they fired him. That's why they fired him is because it's the single worst picture of a penile implant. The average cost of this, Henry. You would need to work for Gene Simmons twice to cover this. It goes up to $25,000. That is the single worst picture I have ever seen. He is, okay, let me try to describe this. He is, his face is beet red. He has a smiling ear to ear.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
The way he's positioned is the most lazy. He must be in so much pain. He is just, he's got an obvious kind of bandage there. He's laying there like a corpse with a fully, fully... He does look like a falconer. At least you have used it before. Now it's got a third perch. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
This motherfucker is so happy with how crystal hard his dick is. He's like, make it a self-portrait. All of the doctors are just like, yes, yeah, easy. And they're all just, well, they're just fine with it. Oh, yeah. People always get mad when I do this, but I always try to look at things from the person's point of view.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And if he assumes this is a private profile and he's sharing his new surgery, his $25,000 surgery. Who's on the closed one? Is his nieces on there? Is his nephews on there? We don't know. It's also, I don't think that, yes, I just think that, you know what it is? How do I say this? If I got a new dick, I'd show you. Of course. Yeah. In person. We talked about this. I'd send you a pic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Check out my new dick. One picture. New dick here. Who dis? Okay. That's, again, totally fine. New picture. If you send a picture privately to one person, he still posted it on a social media profile. Yes. He posted it for everyone. If you just sent it to me. But it was a private profile. I have no problems with you sending me pictures of your new science-built penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
It's just the smile on his face. It wasn't like the smile does kind of make it bad. But the thing is, it's not like he was harassing anybody. It's just like, check out this thing I did. Throw a towel on it. It's like a tattoo. Well, if you throw a towel on it, you can't show anybody. Yeah, you can. It'll look like a ghost. I don't know, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And then he says here, I had the surgery to increase my sexual performance because I am very active. I need to ejaculate whenever I have free time. This is direct quotes, people. Yeah. A wonderful surgery. I had to be as good as I was when I was young. My erection is a natural. But with this device, I press a button that allows me to perfectly control both of the erection. End of the timing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
So he can be erect at the grocery store. You can be erect at the DMV.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Being able to control my erection is a step forward for my life. So you had erectile dysfunction? No. He's saying he needed to just do fuck more. He was just taking pills recreationally to keep his dick hard so that he could fuck multiple times. I hate when people call erectile dysfunction ED because it just spells my name. Sounds like a branding opportunity.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Someone put the ad in erectile dysfunction. Being able to control my erection is a step forward for my life. When I have a free time, I always want to have sex. I would like to do it at least once or twice a day. Mm-hmm. This guy's horny as fuck. This guy's horny, horny, horny, horny, horny. To the point where he blew out his penis organs. I imagine a lot of ladies love him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I mean, he's a falconer at a soccer match, you know, in Europe. I imagine he's a sought-after gentleman. What is it about... I don't know. You don't think he is? You know what it is? His whole thing is given RFK Jr. Oh, that's a back. Yeah, it is. Look at that. I appreciate it. Don't you even make fun of that back. That's my goal back. Man, that is impressive. That's my fucking goal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
God, run a comb through it. It's a very hairy back. I have the same back, and it's a virile back, as you can tell. You don't have the same back. No, but that is a virile man's back. Oh, it definitely is. He needed to have a cyborg penis to keep up with his balls. And that is a picture of a bald eagle on the wall of his bed. In his bedroom. He lives that eagle life. He loves eagles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
If you could just do one thread on the subreddit, just put in one post, and you just put them all there. You could put all the complaints there, and people would be upset for a little while, but just know it's going to pass. And you know what? I'll read it. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Can you see the translation there? What's the eagle doing now? It's not his eagle. It's the team's eagle. It's traumatized. Good morning, everyone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I had a wonderful weekend surrounded by friends and family. He's always nude in this. Now all I can see is him naked with that absolutely massive erection sitting there talking. I'm very surprised that he even performs. I mean, it's Italy, though. Isn't everyone just naked? Italy's actually a lot more... Not prudish, but it's prudish. It's a Catholic country. It's a very religious country.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Dude, Italy fucks more than any other country. But it's a surprisingly conservative country. It has a very large conservative streak. There is also the Catholic thing, which is massive there. All I know is we were on one boat in Italy, and the guy who drove the boat tried to fuck both of our wives. I mean, it's because also... He runs a boat... And he was just, man, I'll always remember the guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
We do not need the bathing suits. Do you remember that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
His daughter is the only other person on the boat. And he only directed that at Julie and Natalie. Yes. No, no. Your wives do not need the bathing suits. Fucking horny man. All right, so yeah big ring big ring, but he probably got that would kiss the he keeps kissing the eagle He keeps kissing it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I don't know why he's kissing the eagle some all I want Oh stop kissing if he likes it It seems like you know what I am gonna say is that it should be ripping his face off if the next piece of The camera like what's this fucking guy doing if he fucks this eagle if he's been fucking the Eagles We're gonna be talking I mean.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
All right, because you know who's the only person who's allowed to fuck the Eagles? I know the Eagles like getting fucked. You know the only one who is allowed to fuck the Eagles? Glenn Frey. Ooh, he's gone. All right, Pete. It's a fucking man. God is fucking ass. I saw the Eagles after Glenn Frey died, and they had Bob Seger sit in for his section, which was pretty fucking awesome.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
That seemed pretty good. It was like an upgrade. Yeah, I mean. I didn't want to say I was happy he was dead, but it was a nice coincidence. We're complaining. Yeah. Actually, now that you're dead, I actually can see a lot of great options.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
All right, so this story, this next one, now it's not, the story itself isn't that interesting, but I had some questions about it, and maybe people can get back to us and let us know what they think. Please, lpotl at gmail.com. So a suspect in a Florida jewelry theft, this happened in Orlando, swallows $770,000 worth of Tiffany earrings just before his arrest. And we don't recommend this. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
He got caught. He said, am I going to get in trouble for what's inside my body is one of the quotes that he had. And then they x-rayed him and found out for sure that he has the earrings in the middle of his body.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And so now he has to pass the earrings so they can give it back to Tiffany and co. And what we want to know. It is sidestorieshelp, P-O-T-L, at gmail.com. Number one from our medical community. He also, he looks pretty muscular. He was quite fit. Is that I wonder, will these even come out of him? Yes, and if they do, and they do go back to Tiffany's, will they be at a discounted rate?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I'll tell you right now, Tiffany's. Because if it went through a human shit river. I'm going to do this. Right now, Tiffany's, I'll take them off your hands, five grand. Five grand? Yeah, take them off your hands, all right? People don't want them poo-poo diamonds. Tiffany's, ten grand. You go, whoa, hey, we're in a bidding war.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
But no, this is also so that we can continue to work at the highest level possible, which is what we promised to do. If there's one thing that we have shown in the years of us doing this show is that we fucking put our money where our mouth is. The show is just gonna get better. This is what we do. We're working extremely hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Don't come against me, man. No, I'm not coming against you. I just want to buy Julie something nice. Yeah, but then— But I'm never going to spend more than ten grand on earrings, so I might as well get really nice ones for her. Yeah, but I don't know if—because I'm willing to go up to 12th. Are you willing to go up to 12 or are you going up to 12? We'll see what happens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Well, I mean, tell Tiffany's right now. I'm going to wait until the very end of the auction. Oh, well, the auction's closed for 10. What the fuck you? Give me the money. No, I do want to know. I feel like we should be able to get a discount. These are poo-poo diamonds. These are poo-poo diamonds.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
You don't mean to tell me because no matter what you do, when you give these poo-poo diamonds to whoever you love. It's got to be less than half a mil. If there's $7.70 now, when they resell these diamonds... $15,000. Now, what if he dies? What if he dies? Because if you swallow a tooth, you can cut off your esophagus and you could die. To be honest, I think that if he dies, it pushes it up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
You think it makes it more expensive? Oh, yeah. No, but if he dies... Because then they're a murder weapon. Do they go in him and cut these earrings out and then give them back to Tiffany's or is he buried with them? If I was Tiffany, I would do exactly that. I don't know if Tiffany's is allowed to say whether or not. This is, I feel like, a weird legal ground here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
You don't think that Tiffany's doesn't have, like, a contingency plan for this or, like, a morgue? There's no way that there's not a Tiffany's morgue. You know, all in that, like, blue color. Whatever they do, you know, that Tiffany blue. This is actually, I do think that while this is a silly question. He could easily die. The back of these earrings could rip up his intestines.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
This man can get sepsis and die. Talk about blood diamonds. Seriously, yes, exactly. Blood and stool diamonds. Now, I wonder if you... For Tiffany's, it's not that this hasn't happened before, but I don't think that they... I've never heard of it. I don't know. I don't know if you'd leave behind... I don't know what Tiffany's rules would be.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Like, I wonder if, for insurance purposes, if they would just cut him open and take the things out of him. I also truly do... believe that if they kill him, I think if they get it out with him not dying. Yeah, they want him to just pass it. He's shitting in a bucket currently. Yeah, which... Lucky bucket. He's not even... Lucky bucket.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
But no, he... Yeah, no, they're not even letting him use the toilet. He's got to use... No. No, because all they're waiting for is jingle, jingle, jingle. Think about that all day long. You're just waiting for the... What if he immediately swallows him again?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
What are you going to do now? Oh, my God. But I wonder if Tiffany's... Like, if he does... If it passes all the way through him, I think that, honestly, the real answer... We'll see if this is correct or not. I think the real answer will be... They would harvest the diamonds from it, and they would melt down the metal, and they would remake them into other earrings.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And not just that, if you do nothing and you keep your life exactly the same and keep listening to our show just the way you listen to it, there's going to be an extra free show in a little while for you as well. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
But the diamonds themselves... Covered in shit. Still were covered in shit at one point. But I think if you wipe them off with a couple of easy wipes, and then you throw them in a batch of a bunch of other diamonds, you wouldn't even know. You don't think that it lowers the price at least... 30 grand? For me, as the man trying to purchase the boo-boo diamonds, yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I don't think anyone buys these for the $770,000 that they're trying to sell them for. I don't think so, unless, again, they make them all the way through because then it shows how resilient they are. Yeah, well, I mean, obviously they're going to make it through them. I think if they kill him, the price goes up. You think if he kills him, it goes up?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I'd pay because think about the true crime people that love money and have money. Like, you know, that concept of these earrings killed a man that are on the lobes of a woman. Does that not make you women wet? It's crazy. Zach Bagans, I'm looking at you. Buy these. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I feel like you guys would like, I think ladies would like, especially these days, they'd be like, uh, yeah, my earrings have a death count. You know what I mean? I mean, all diamonds have a death count. Well, I like the lab ones because they're just easy to do. And also, again, I don't think a diamond's even worth it unless it comes from the hands of a charm. It's a great point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And that's the reason why we do, but we do work with Blue Nile because they do better. Yeah. And if you guys want, we're going to be selling last podcast on a left diamond soon. Yes. Yeah. As an upgrade to the Stitcher premium plan. Yes. I'm going to be choking them down and shitting them out. So you can have them. But the only way you get to have them is you keep the shit on them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
They call them pubic zirconia. Yes. But I'd love to find out. Is he going to live? Yeah, he definitely can die. Wow. And we have one last story for you all today. And that is the Texas Rocket Man is recovering after a county fair mishap. This happened close to us. Yes, this was in India. This is the Riverside Fair. Yeah, the Rocket Man, Chachi Valencia. Great name. Great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Especially for a Rocket Man, Chachi is kind of the best name for a Rocket Man. But tell me about this. All right, so this is a little... Some people might get a little maybe upset about this, but I'm not saying that this is because he's an essential worker. I'm just curious. Now... Chachi Valencia. His job is his whole life is to be shot out of a cannon. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Now, he's done this several times, but he did this over the weekend. Now, he fucked up this weekend by shooting himself out of a cannon, and I guess he misjudged the wind. So if you see the video of him doing it, it's like, you could definitely see it hurts. He hits the edge of the net, balances up, spins around, slams down onto his body, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
He fucking falls down, he crushes a bunch of bones, he breaks his ribs. At least he did hit the net for a second. He lived. Now, obviously, he's very resilient. This is a tough man that's been doing this for—he does this for a living. I don't think there's any way this is the first time he's fell. Well, he's had a couple mishaps. He's had to get a couple near misses.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
But the one thing I do find curious—now, tell me about this. I don't mean this to sound cutthroat here. But there is a GoFundMe being set up to help Chachi Valencia. get money to recuperate so that he's, because all the money he's going to lose not being able to get shot out of a cannon for the next several months. Yes. But I, how do I, And medical bills.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
But how do I say, yes, like, obviously GoFund, like, it's really sad that we're in this place and people need these GoFundMes. I don't think this man has insurance. No. But there's, because who would insure the Rocket Man? Yeah. But I wonder, is this maybe not, maybe not, Mother Nature herself telling you to slow down, Chachi. And maybe, Chachi, it's time for the rocket man to come down to Earth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
And then maybe if you're making little things like this, next time, Chachi, it might not be a near miss. It might be a full-on, you get shot into a... a fucking cavern. You get shot into a gulch. It was a sudden, unexpected gust of wind. He is the Texas Rocket Man, and this happened in California. We know about the winds. We had the fires. It pops up, especially in Riverside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
But it's an unexpected gust. I know, but you've got to figure out how to... Also, it's got to be pretty strong to fucking push a human body. It must have been. It was enough. Yeah. Unless there was somebody trying to kill the Rocket Man. This is from the GoFundMe page. We're reaching out with some difficult news about Chachi, the incredible human cannibal artist known as the Rocket Man Valencia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Recently at the Riverside County Fair and National Date Festival... Oh, the food date. Okay, I was going to say. All right, good, because the date festival in Riverside seems like it could get rough. Oh, yeah. A sudden and unexpected gust of wind tragically altered his performance. During his act, a strong gust of wind caught him midair, causing him to miss the safety net.
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Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
He struck the side of the net. It catapulted him out and unfortunately landed on the asphalt. Oh, yeah, he got jacked up. Now, I know there's a net there, but why not have some pads down also? Because that's not nearly as impressive, Eddie. I don't think anyone would notice. I would. You would, you? First thing I'd say is, pussy. Yeah. What a pussy. Oh, he needs more than a net. Yeah.
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Chachi is a dedicated performer who brings joy and excitement to audiences, a breathtaking marvel in skill and daring. His death-defying stunt as electrified crowds at the London Olympics closing ceremony. That's pretty fucking awesome. That's pretty big. NASCAR and Formula One events and the secret weapon in Rio de Janeiro's carnival competition. It is wild, man, to have that life.
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Think about that, that that's what you do. You travel the world getting shot out of a... This is a matter of time. Oh, of course. If this is your job, you're going to have a bad day at work at some point. Don't you kind of... You have to prep for this, right? But don't you kind of want it? I mean, yeah, of course. Because I feel like that's what I would do with the very last one.
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Once I hit, like, 80, I'd be like, pull the net. All right, now we're doing it for real. You know? I feel like that could be, and then you just get splattered. Yeah, and he's coming back, though. As he should. He's just going to take some time off, and he's going to come back, the Rocket Man. You know, so please, if you do feel like you need to support him, you can.
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And we also, who knows? We have other shows. We were trying to work out other new shows, bigger streaming shows. We have a bunch of stuff in the kitty that we want to get done. And this is how we're going to get it done. I'm putting out a sex tape. But it's by myself. Oh, okay. And you're just going, it won't work. And I filmed it in the bathroom. It won't work.
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Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Why'd he say, ding-dong? Why does it just say ding dong? That must be a thing.
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I don't know, but either way. Chachi, we love you, Chachi. We love you, Chachi. I want the best for you. I hope you reach your goal. I'm not donating, but we brought it up on the show, and so maybe someone will donate if you want to see the Riverside or the Texas Rocket Man Valencia come back, heal, and return to the sky. Go to his website. The Rocket Man Valencia. Just go to his website.
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Wow. $1,000. $1,000? Yeah. Well, you've got to get the cannon. You've got to get the net. I sadly think it's like $750.
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Well, then they've got to lower this $55,000 goal. Maybe it's $1,000. I think maybe you rent the thing. It's not a thing you can look up. Why can't I look this up? How much is a human cannibal? If you get shot out of a cannon, please write in. Let us know. How much do you charge? We're not necessarily hiring you, but we are just curious. I'm looking for estimates.
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Yeah, to see if it's something that's in the budget. Yeah, I'm looking for estimates here, honestly, because I'm going to take a couple of options here. Because basically, if it's more expensive than a dog in a ballerina costume, probably not going to do it. Unfortunately, that's the choices we need to make in the 2025 economy. Yeah, we'll have to look it up.
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We're going to have to try to book him. He's got a booking agent. Yeah, of course he does.
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Of course, if he's big enough to go to the London Olympics and shit like that, he must be fucking very important. Yeah, this guy's kind of the best at it. He must be. It seems like it. Or one of. Yeah. Well, I hope to see you back at work, Chachi. Yeah, but it's more of a spring. That's what I knew. They don't actually shoot. TheRocketman1 at live.com if you want to email him and wish him well.
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I want to hang out with him. He actually seems like a blast. When's the last time you saw the movie Rocketman? I haven't seen it in a long time. I wonder if it sucks, though. Probably. Let's get some listener emails. Yeah. All right, here we go. Some really good ones this week. Yeah, we got some stuff on victim advocates, first-degree murder.
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Well, victim advocates, the one thing I will just say is thank you for the support I got from victim advocates. And the main thing that they said is I got a lot of backup and truly just— Even the victim advocates agreed with you. Yes, and just make sure you just call a lawyer. If you can afford a lawyer, call a lawyer. Talk to somebody with a lawyer, a law degree from your state.
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It's extremely important, too, because all the laws vary by state. And if you're very broke and you find a victim's advocate, maybe hit up your smartest friend and be like, does that seem real to you? I mean, I don't know, but it'll definitely call a fucking lawyer. You could definitely find somebody that will pick up, at least pick up the phone.
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And just know that the people they reached out to, they're trained by the state, and they really are, and they're confidential. People like this, a real victim's advocate is not going to blast you on social media. That is just not how it works. A victim's advocate is supposed to work for you, alongside you, and it's not supposed to bring attention to themselves.
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It's actually the exact opposite of what they're supposed to do. Casey Anthony is the ultimate example of this parasitical version of this job. Caca woman. Caca bitch. And Gypsy Rose Blanchard coming out hard against her. Yeah, well, if anyone knows about a bad mom. And that's the sad, because I wish that she would have made it to my March Madness pool. Oh, Gypsy? Versus Casey. Oh, yeah.
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Because Gypsy kills mothers. Yeah. And Casey kills daughters.
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And we'll get to a story like that on Side Stories shortly.
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If you really want to talk about who's strong and who's not. Gypsy kills mothers. Yeah, and she's got prison time under her belt. Oh, she's hard as fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, she can make a ratchet-ass fucking shiv, dude. But didn't her boyfriend and her just break up because of Dr. Phil? He got broke up because of the social media presence, the OG boyfriend.
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But now she's back with the other guy. The guy that she said had the dick is fire. Oh, okay, yeah. She's not with him anymore. She's with the other guy. She's back with the big guy, Ken? No. Yeah, Ken. She's with Ken now. She's with Dumper? I thought Dumper was... No, Dumper's gone. Ken is the new old one. Yeah, he's the old guy who's not the Dumper that she was with originally. I like the Dumper.
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Um... Here we go. Now let's get to this really gross story. I love this. I don't know if it's a gross story. It's just more, you never know how close families are. An unsettling story. So I've been a wedding bartender in North Carolina for five years and work at venues all over the state.
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There's a lot of downtime before a wedding, so it's common for vendors to swap interesting stories to pass the time. This is the craziest one I've heard. So the story goes that just before the ceremony, everyone is preparing to get lined up, doing final checks, and the groom is nowhere to be found. Where is he? So all the bridesmaids and groomsmen are looking around.
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The bride's getting frustrated. All the guests are in their seats, walking around, searching the venue. The bride's sister starts hearing noises coming from a closet. So she opens the door, only to find the groom breastfeeding from his mother while the father is watching. I suppose, I guess, for some much-needed comfort before the stress of the wedding. Needless to say, the wedding was canceled.
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Now, nothing's got to be, like, how do I put this? Is she still breastfeeding? I think it was just dry and it was for the feeling of it. He was sucking on her tits. Yes. Yes. He wasn't breastfeeding. Assuming if you're getting married, your mother is over 50. There's only two ways this counts in terms of that we can remotely kind of try to sort of like talk about this.
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And then if one, if one, your mother is Salma Hayek to your mother is Susan Sarandon. Yeah. That is the only way this is remotely acceptable or Amaranth. Yes. Simply just because she needs the support. Yeah. Now, but the idea of just wholeheartedly just sucking on a titty with no milk coming out of it on your wedding day is, I get it, we all handle stress differently.
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For me, I find that situation itself very stressful. Also, if you have to do this, I suggest doing it at the hotel beforehand. Okay. We're not even telling you don't do it. Yeah. We're not even saying hold back. It's your wedding day. Yeah. We're saying have the good taste to do it back in the changing area. Yeah. All right? And not that day. Not the day of the wedding.
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The dad watching is the weird part. I think he's just trying to make sure he did it right. This sounds like a back rooms video.
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I do... But I've talked about on the stream about how my entire algorithm, I am getting this like breastfeeding thing. Really? It's a lot of that. It's a way to show tits, but without it. But they use the baby. And a lot of times they use a fake baby to to pretend suck on the tit. And then they pull it off like, oh, and just so you could see him a little bit.
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And so you see nipples on Instagram now? Oh, yeah. Because of the breastfeeding? Yeah, look it up. I'm okay. I've never typed into words breastfeeding. I had a family member who kept posting breastfeeding videos, and I wasn't happy about it. We've talked about this where I— I'm okay with it. I'm happy about it. If I was in the room, that's one thing.
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I'm not disgusted by it, and I don't even hate it, right? I don't think that it's bad. I think it's natural, and I think you need to breastfeed whenever you need to breastfeed. Absolutely. But if you're my little cousin— Please don't post it on Instagram stories. I would also say, just understand, we are doing everything in our power as men to not look at it. Because we don't want to see it.
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We actively don't want to see it. I'm behaving myself. But the sucking and the titty out makes our heads turn. It's a noise. There's nothing that we can do. Because how hard is this noise to ignore? If my dog is licking his foot at night, I flip out because the noise is so much.
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Meanwhile, if you sit over there and you got your six-year-old out and she's chomping on your fucking, chomping on your Tetons, getting their fucking whole milk, all right, I'm going to end up looking. And I don't want to. No one wants it.
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But no, that's why I think it's cool. But again, I also support it. Please breastfeed in public. Just put a blanket over everybody. Just know that, yeah, it's more of like if your family's around... I don't know. Now we're just getting into trouble. Now we're just getting into trouble. It's a touchy subject. It is a touchy subject. It's funny in a way. It's a sucky subject.
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Because I do, you know, but again, I support breastfeeding. I want you to breastfeed. Please breastfeed. Do it at the restaurant. Do it at the airport. I don't care. Do it at the police station.
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You just don't need... To put it on Instagram Reels. I don't know. I guess maybe they do.
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I don't like it. And I'm asking for a nod. I don't like it. But you have been enjoying it. No, I just, I've seen it. You've seen it. And you don't like it. No. Say it again. I don't like it. No, because I don't want to see babies in there. That's not what breasts are for. No. Well, it is technically exactly what they're for. Yeah, for lame breasts. Now let's go and look at this next story.
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Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. This is literally the non-toxic male podcast.
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So we had a comment. We talked about Lori and Chad this week getting a hotel room for their non-heavy petting awkward Christian non-sex. Okay. And this is just too much. When I was in college, I was in a sorority and it was a relatively normal sorority except for one girl. She was a very conservative Christian. Not sure exactly which branch, but very fundamentalist.
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Yeah, we are. And we're going to get you. It's easy to remember when the anniversary is because I had my hernia surgery right afterwards.
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I think her parents wanted her to join because she would live with only girls and stay pure or something. Yeah, good idea. She got engaged by the time she was 20, which we all awkwardly side-eyed because it's the only way they can have sex. That's why they get engaged early.
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Boys were not allowed on the second floor of the house, but you could theoretically study with your boyfriend on the main level. One time her fiance came over and they were hanging out in the living room while I was reading for class. We were probably like 10 feet away from them.
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Two of them faced each other and they pressed their foreheads against each other, looking into each other's eyes and breathing heavily together while holding hands. It was the most disgustingly intimate, uncomfortable thing I have secondhand experienced. And it went on for about 15 minutes. Well, that's long. Oh, yeah. Well, I just sat there. I was trying to read, not knowing if I should leave.
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Every so often, I would just hear a, hmmm. Mm hmm. From behind me. And I would internally scream. I think it would have actually been less weird if they just had sex in front of me. I agree. Eventually, the awkwardness of the situation broke through to me and I cough loudly and I left the lead that leave them with their weird breathing shit. Yeah, so I think it's probably good.
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Yeah. So 15 years since I plugged that back out of my balls. Okay. Goodbye, everybody.
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That's how they have sex in Demolition Man. That is what I wanted to bring up with the shells. Yeah. Lori and Chad got a hotel room and in Coneheads.
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Instead of doing that weird shit in a public park. Yeah, that's like, I don't know why it's really gross. It's so much worse than sex. It's so much worse than sex. Getting married at 20 and pressing foreheads together is so much worse than having sex one time. Yeah, I guess so, but at the same time, good for them. No, fuck them. No one should be getting married at 20 years old.
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No, that I agree with. I feel like I understand why you do, and I understand that people do it, and it's really not disparaging. I'm just saying just straight up as a now a 40-year-old. But if you get off on slapping foreheads and holding hands, I think it's good. I think it's good for you. I think it's fine, yeah. If you are getting off, though, you shouldn't get off in front of other people. No.
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I mean, if that's your, if that is your sex, it should be behind a fucking closed door anyway. Yeah. Because again, I just don't need you guys doing mind share. I think that this is worse than the falconer. You know what's funny? I sort of do, too. Only just because the Falconer put it on... Yes, he should not have posted it. No.
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The thing about the Falconer that saves it all is his own accepting attitude. It's how Italian he is about it. Yeah. That's what saves that story. It's the fact that he's... Not only not ashamed, but just so happy at how well his penis looks that he wanted to show the world and he was just proud of it and he took it. He took accountability. He saved up for it and he bought it.
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Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. And what an amazing announcement that was. Oh, my God. And we are just so good at it. We're so good at messaging. And we're so good at being true man. Just business guys. Yeah. How many more rings are you going to be able to buy with the new contract? Like anal rings? Cock rings? I don't buy rings.
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But these are the people, these guys pressing foreheads together are the same people that are making like... Supreme Court decisions. You think so? Yes. So that's the thing. That's what we're talking about here. This is the problem is that if you can't put PNV... You know, we know he's being dirty.
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Now, but I'm just saying these are the type of people where they come... This is what we're looking at, evangelicals and fundamentalists. That's what Amy Barrett is and all these people are. Just understand that if you can't put PNV, you... cannot choose what to do with our country. That is what I consider.
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If you cannot, if you literally can't watch an R-rated movie, how in the literal fuck are you supposed to run the country United States of America when we are proudly built on war? Yes. All right. We are proudly built on bloodshed and I won't have you deny it. You fucking dirty ass Christians. Yeah. You fucking Christians, man.
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I'd rather you openly butt fuck a runaway than Yeah. You know? There you go. We ended strong today. We really did. Really, really did. What a day it was. We got a lot of messaging in there. And I think that everybody who's heard us is more inspired. So in two days, if you want to hear more of this, we're going to be at the Ryman Auditorium.
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That is March 14th in Nashville, Tennessee. And I am going to love being in Nashville. I'm going to live the Nashville lifestyle. Go down there. I'm going to get some way too hot for me chicken. You are going to get the chicken. I don't know yet. I haven't decided. I want to eat good.
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Honestly, if you... Let's get the chicken on Saturday, the day after the show, so we don't have to worry about being sick. Could someone send me an email of what's like a good sleeper thing we should check out in Nashville on Saturday while we're in town? There's a good restaurant we should head up because I am just fucking... I'm already hungry thinking about Nashville.
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Yeah, no, I love eating there. It's one of the good towns for that. And then we're going to get our German food on Sunday in Huntsville. That is March 16th. Henry and I are doing a special Side Stories in Huntsville. It's going to be a blast. I can't wait for it, man. I cannot wait. Yeah, we're going to NASA. Well, we're not going to NASA, but we're going to go scream at the building. Oh, yeah.
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And then we're going to talk about your hero. Werner Von Braun. Oh, everybody's favorite American. We're going to have so much fun. Come out to Huntsville. We are going to have a fucking blast. Yeah, and then April 19th, we're going to be in Detroit at the Masonic, so make sure you check us out there. And then also, next week, I am touring Florida. That's right.
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On March 20th, I'm in Jacksonville. March 21st and 22nd, I'm in Panama City Beach. And on March 23rd, I'm in Tallahassee with Danny Bedrosian. It's going to be amazing. I got our boy Evan Rossi opening up for me. We're going to have a shit ton of fun. I got... I'm doing an hour of Florida jokes. Yes, it is good. You have developed this whole act. Yes, yes.
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So this is a lot of Florida-specific material. You're not going to see anything like this. Come and check it out. And then Henry and I are going to be in Florida in May, but we'll talk about that down the road. But right now... March 20th, Jacksonville. 21st and 22nd, Panama City Beach. And the 23rd, I'll be in Tallahassee, Florida. Come check all that shit out. You love it, you animals. Yes. Yes.
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Yeah. Go and get those tickets. We'll see you soon, you fuckers. Hail Satan. Hail breastfeeding. Please, hail it.
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Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian. Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you.
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Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room.
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I'm not into the rings. I think that rings are for people that either professional guitarists. You ever notice that with the cowboy hat where the flaps come up the side? I hate it. Oh, I hate it. I don't like it. What is it? The Bret Michaels. Yes. The Bret Michaels. That comes with rings, I believe. It's the rings.
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I feel like if you play piano professionally or guitar professionally, that makes sense. Well, if you play piano or guitar professionally, won't the rings get in the way? I don't know. I think about that all the time. But then you look at rock star guys and they always have crazy rings and crazy bracelets and they're always playing through it.
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And I guess they're just so used to playing and they're so used to people looking at their hands that they want the hands to look fancy.
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But I just don't understand because, no, we're looking at the fingers playing the guitar. We don't care about the rings, but these guys like rings. Jimi Hendrix, is it really the biggest problem? You know who is? Well, he doesn't count. He doesn't count.
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And Prince never did. You know who honestly is the bad one? It's Slash. Yeah, he's got lots of rings. If you look at Slash, he's got full-on crushed Pepsi cans around his fingers at all times. And I do know that he's allowed at Slash. He can do whatever the hell he wants. I saw him at Disney World once. Really? Was he playing the Mad Hatter? No.
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I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
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No, I think that he was there with his family, and he had a bigger beer belly than I thought he did, and I was proud of him. Of course he's got a beer belly. He's been doing it for so long. All right. I love you, Flash. Come on, I love him. I love Slash. I just like that he's brave enough to have a dad bod. Yeah. Now, we have a couple of updates.
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Now, one of the things that happens here on Side Stories often is we've talked about the Side Stories effect, which is we talk about a... news story. And either some massive update about it comes out the day after we record every single time. Now, last week, Eddie and I were very interested in the mysterious circumstances of Gene Hackman's death. Yes. It seemed... Kind of fishy.
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One of the dogs had died in the kennel in the closet. They found that Gene Hackman was, he was also dead, surrounded by pills. And again, very mysterious. She was surrounded by pills, not him. Either way, it was mysterious. It was very mysterious. And it seemed interesting. And it seemed like it might have been murder, but actually, it was so weird, it was just sad. It was crushingly sad.
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The actual... What happened is... What's going to happen to all of us? If we're lucky. So, Betsy Arakawa, I guess... Somehow, she got bit by a rodent or interacted with a rodent. Junta's disease. They got Junta disease. So you don't necessarily- Junta, Junta virus. You basically, it can be airborne. Basically, it's from rodent droppings or excess urine.
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And so if you go into a room where mice have been pissing and shitting for months and you breathe it in too much, I don't know if that's exactly how it happened. That's interesting. Or if you clean it up, you can get this Huntus disease, which I had never heard of. So I was interested about it and I went and looked into it.
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Apparently, if you're cleaning up lots of rat piss and rat shit, use gloves. Oh, and have a ventilator. And wear a mask. Yeah, have a straight-on ventilator. I would not fuck with that. And they said the house was clean, but they had lots of other sheds on the property. It was a big property. And so she definitely got it somehow. It's very rare.
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Only 136 people have died of this in the last 100 years in New Mexico. That's fucking crazy. It's very crazy that it happened to her, especially because they're not hoarders.
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They said the house was looking fine. Yeah. And so it's just like a crazy thing. But her, so basically everything, we don't know exactly when she died, but it seems like At least a week before Gene Hackman died. Well, all of her communication stopped on February 11th. So like her last emails, her last phone calls were February 11th.
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So they say that might have been the day she died, but she was also driving around February 11th. She went to a couple stores. She might have been sick for a couple days and just away from her phone. We don't No. They said that she was in CVS looking for medication. She was wearing a mask that day of her death or maybe her death, probably her death. Probably. And she was visibly sick.
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And then they knew something was going on the next day when she did not pick up the her dog's prescription food. Which is, we're all, oh my god, this food, the dog food's getting more expensive as it is. Don't add Ativan to it. No, my, you should see the mountain of different foods I have. I have to change their food every meal. No, I know, you are a, you are like a White House chef.
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yeah for your two dogs uh but then it seems like that so she died of this of hantavirus yeah and then and the pills next to her were just her thyroid medicine it's nothing you can really overdose on so they were able to rule that out because it looked like a suicide a murder suicide kind of that's what we were thought we thought it was like yeah interesting and almost cool no right but it's just sad it was super sad
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So then Gene Hackman just putzed around the house and finally succumbed to his Alzheimer's and heart disease while inside the house. A week later. Yeah, so he just kind of puttered back and forth. So he probably found her dead and experienced that a couple times. So like 50 last dates? Yeah, that is so hard.
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Rob didn't like that joke. No one likes it. Everyone's upset with that. Yeah, even I didn't laugh. I laugh at most things. Yeah, yeah, people don't like that. But it's because... The reason why I think we should laugh... Now I'm laughing about how upsetting it was. Yeah, how upsetting it is. But I think it's important to laugh. Because, you know...
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The reason why people that we dislike do what they do, especially right now, all of the weird despots and people that are fans of despots and people that want to be fascists and all this stuff, to understand that what they're fighting with all of their money and power and all these things that they're trying to build is exactly what happened to Gene Hackman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
It's exactly going to happen to all of us, which is that we all succumb to time, disease, and and just being mortal. Yeah, and if you're lucky enough, you could do it at 95 in a giant mansion in New Mexico. You can. He had a beautiful house.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
But Elon Musk, these guys, they are fighting this. It's the feeling of dying like that that they don't understand is so essentially a part. of your experience as a human being. And they are so afraid of it. They're so afraid. That's why they do everything that they do to control reality.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Because on some level, I think some of these billionaires believe that they can control the flow of life itself and that everyone else is subject to these rules of mortality but them. But, you know, they'll all die. And I'll tell you what, Gene Hackman, great life, phenomenal actor. I think, honestly, it's a sad way to go out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Yes. Side stories, breaking news. We are here. In the middle of the afternoon, maybe, if you don't have a job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
I feel much worse for his wife because she was going to be around for a long time. But she got this random-ass virus. I'm glad that I don't have to rescind my Hail Gene Hackman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was like a second there where we're like, Hopefully he didn't fucking kill her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Because, I mean, can you imagine Gene Hackman, 95 with Alzheimer's, doing the Crimson Tide, like that monologue at you. You shut the fuck up!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
That's got to be scary. I would not want to deal with that. That would be my last memory of my famous husband, Gene Hackman. Yeah. So, I guess the update is... It's over. It's all done. Time is a steamroller that stops for no one. We get to keep loving Gene Hackman and his wife. And that's good. That's the best thing that they did for us. That's the best part of it. He was a great man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
It seems like he was at least a fine man, but a fantastic actor. But, yeah, well, you know, I loved his political views. I love a liberal who fights. Yeah. We need him. We need some mean liberals. I think that's really cool. I always loved that. And, you know, go watch Mississippi Burning. I think it's very appropriate for right now. Also, I find it funny we did talk about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Did we talk about that we realized accidentally that Hoosiers is about rooting against the integrated team? Yes. That's funny. Indiana. Life catches up to you fast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
Now, I actually do have, you know what I realized? This story of somebody that I know friends of friends of is actually an update. Okay. Because we covered this in the very beginning when this was just a rumor. Okay. And now this is, she's getting arrested now. All right. So are these the updates? This is in the updates. I would put this within the updates, but it's a story in and of itself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Because they haven't been here long enough to fucking see.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Because you guys always try to spend time with your families. No one cares about your family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Someone who sees their own demise. So that way they don't want your dog to die in front of them because they know that's another day that brings them closer to death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
And you are the coal mine? What a great way to start.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
He's fine. He's got an apartment. Oh, what a horror show. Oh, what a crazy, what a crazy, what a, we all, it's like a Holocaust for him. I can't believe he has to rent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Hey, pal. Nice dancing. Yeah. You dance well. Hey, dance like my dead wife. Yeah. I think it's fine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Because I come from each generation of man who's lived. Preach it, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I don't want him to either. It's just that funny. It's just, you are not, you are nowhere less fuckable than as a man at the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, we got some updates. That guy's going to die one day less.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Yeah, exactly. I wish I could kill a hooker and bring her back to life. Well, you know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Like the fucking blue stove. When they would torture your fucking ass and you would just sit there and take it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
God, it's great. They used to give money to people to make stuff, not to have just that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
They're so far done with Preston. Oh, all right. Well, that was my first mistake. What do you mean they're done?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Come on. Come on. That's a little taste. Philip. Philip, it's lunchtime. Prest is best.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
That's what I like, a hard mother. I like a hard mother.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
I don't need a big ass. I'm okay as me. Waffles. I'm okay as me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
When we first grouped up these Nazis, because that's where Nazis belong, in the fucking gallows. Yes!
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: Bitch Stories
Now that that's downer, that downer's out of here, let's bring in the kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
No, 60 grand really isn't that much. It's fucked. I couldn't believe the number was that low. Yeah. I thought for sure that was like a $100,000 reward at the bare minimum. That's how- They don't give a fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
You figure the guy at the top gets killed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
You don't think Goebbels is as funny as Bill Cosby? Is that what you're trying to say to me right now? Definitely not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
He's had plenty. I thought he only had a half an hour. He never had a full hour. Oh, he's done lots. He's done crowd work specials. He had a couple on Comedy Central, I think. Well, then I take it back. David Tell's nothing like Garbles. Also, I produced Bumping Mics. But that's like him and Jeff. Yeah. But, you know, it's a comedy special. I'm just saying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Has anything side stories-ish been in the news? There's been a lot of news.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I besmirch the good name of David Tell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
At some point. I've never seen anyone get murdered and the world be so happy it happened. Because again... Since like Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
What do you think his jail life's going to be like? Do you think he's going to be a hero? I think that eventually he'll just— They don't care, right? Nah, I don't know. He's going to be in a federal prison.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Every person in America knows somebody who got very sick and couldn't afford their health care. Whether they helped them or they didn't, they know somebody. Or they had someone in their family, or it was a parent, or a child.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
You have to pay. Honestly, I can't say on record enough that I don't condone this behavior. No. But I'm certainly very surprised it hasn't happened before.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
He definitely should have got some threading done. He was already in New York. There's eyebrow threading places everywhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Well, I think also the eyebrows, you know, some people really dig it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Now, one rumor I've been hearing a lot, a conspiracy theory I've been hearing a lot, is that it's not him. No, it's him. Because they released different pictures of guys in different jackets. I'm pretty sure they just had the wrong guy in one of those pictures.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
much they had a much more detailed you don't think they were just picking up random dudes in the street that look just like them and fucking taking their pants off and slapping their asses and putting their fingers in their butts what levels are we so there's the beat cop yeah the guys you're gonna go send out to do all that shit right i saw some cops when i was walking around new york i was like you guys find them yet they're like literally threw their hands up like they could get
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Do you think he did everything he could to not get caught, or do you think he wanted to get caught? I think my... I mean, Altoona is definitely a place you go where you don't want to be found. Yeah, absolutely. My full out-of-the-ass opinion... Yeah, we're just throwing our thoughts into his brain, so it doesn't matter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
But he's got a bad back. He can't be fucking with that back. You're right. I take it back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Wild show. We got some more coming up, by the way. Now's the perfect time to just plug them real quick. Classy Night Out, 1221, 8 p.m. Masonic Lodge, the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. We got Jackie and Cara Clank, Holden McNeely, Amber Nelson, Blair Sochi, Sina... And Gosnavi and Logan Metz are going to be on that show. And also, side stories, it's coming to Dad's Garage, which is almost sold out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
It wasn't until 2022 that they started making the kits where you had to like... You fucking fill out a, what is it called? When you buy a gun. Oh, when you register?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
When you get your gun license? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before you could just buy one, but now you have to actually apply for one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I think anyone who's the CEO of a company like that can go fucking hell. Well, you're definitely making money on the pain of millions of human beings. I don't think he deserved to die, but maybe take his pants down and spank him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Pull out their tiny little dickies and just get slapped around a little bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah. Well, we won't even have a structure. No, I can't wait. Usually we have some sort of structure. They're going to tell us what the show is. That's pretty great. I'm pretty excited. So Dad's Garage, that's going to be on January 12th at 7 p.m. in Atlanta. So come check us out there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
This is the biggest alien news since I've been alive, and you're just going to blow right past it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I don't know what the fuck it is. Drones the size of Buicks. I don't know what that's not something. Although it does sound like something a Jersey dude would make in his closet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
We're going to go up there. It's got a godfather horn on it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
That's what Knapp always says. There's black helicopters whenever you see... Then he says those black helicopters might be UFOs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Also, thank you everyone who wrote in. So many people wrote in. Keep them coming. Please send in the footage as you get it. You know we fucking are horny for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
He kind of looks like the bad guy from Incredibles all growing up, like the kid.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
There's no reason not to believe it. It's not a UFO. Why would you think it wasn't a UFO?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Well, because then it'll fall on the people. You can't shoot it down. What if it's going to be dropping bombs on the people? Well, then the bombs are still in the plane. But you've got to shoot the planes. You've still got to shoot the planes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I mean, well, there's a very good chance, I feel like, that the drones are ours. That they are the military showing everyone else what we got.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I think it just makes it seem like, to me, that it is the government. Sure. It is us because why else would they be keeping it secret? Because I don't think that if everyone knew it was aliens, I don't think it would be the big to-do like everyone thinks it is. Because they've told us there's aliens multiple times since COVID started and no one gives a fuck. I'm back and forth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah. So why? We're not shooting these down. Why? And we have to know that they exist. Yes, they do. We're seeing it all over the place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I mean, but he's the secretary of transportation. This should be his department, right? This should be his people. I'm going to write him an email right now.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
This is a conspiracy theory that we're just talking about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Or there's something going on. And then the aliens are coming because we're moving the nukes and they have an eye on our nukes. Because they're scared of nukes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah, no, he definitely looks like a G.I. Joe.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And so I don't think, I think the new era is not going to include us. I mean, well, you know, if you go all the way back to, you know, Christ, if you believe in that, you know, as soon as someone starts saying we should all be nice to each other and be peaceful, we'll just kill them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
But then also, I mean, we say it's total silence, but then you got the New Jersey senator saying he's wanting to know what it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah, you got to tell people if you're going to take off in a plane.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Taxi drones? Yeah. That's a really bad idea.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I feel like every other month, someone I kind of know gets hit by a car in LA.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Oh, yes. Oh, I mean, that'd be... If you could smoke, I'm for the flying the drone taxis. That's all... All Uber drivers want to do is be able to smoke in the car. Imagine getting stoned and shit up there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
No, dude. I'm talking cigarettes, man. Oh, you want to go backwards. I was just saying... I feel like whatever relaxes him. You want to go forward so we can go backwards. Let Gvork smoke his Bulgarian cigarettes. No, he has to smoke American cigarettes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
If he's going to smoke cigarettes, he's going to smoke our cigarettes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yes. That's right. Give back. Well, today was filled with a lot of emotions, wasn't it? Too many emotions for side stories? I got one thing I just want us to keep our eye on, and I don't know much about it. It just happened real quick before we go. This story is fucking not serious. This story is fucking insane, and I don't get it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And I feel like no one's talking about it. I think I want to talk about it more next week, but here's a little teaser. Apparently, yesterday or two days ago from when you hear this, there was a giant gang massacre in Haiti. If you don't know, Haiti is completely run by gangs now. Oh, it's not doing great? The government doesn't matter anymore. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
There is a government, technically, and they say they are going to go after the gangs because of what happened. But in short, one of the gang's leaders, their son got really sick and someone told them that it was a voodoo curse and that the elderly were responsible, or the people who practiced the voodoo. And so he went to a slum and killed 180 residents over 60 years old.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And he dragged them all in the street and shot them and stabbed them and killed them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
The gang rounded up scores of residents over 60 from their homes in the Wharf Germain area and shot or stabbed them to death with knives and machetes. Witnesses reported that mutilated bodies were burned in the streets. The death toll could rise. The UN human rights chief, Volkner Turk, which is, I mean, a scary name. It's cool. A guy in a way, though. It's kind of funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Put it at 184 people estimate, the number of people killed in gang violence this year in Haiti is over 5,000. Jeez lou. So Haiti is- It is a small country. It is a very small country. The gangs have completely taken over and they had a mass execution of the elderly this week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And they're saying that the gangs control everything and are taking everyone's cell phones away so the residents aren't able to spread information about this attack. So we really don't know anything yet. We will get deeper into the story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Also, I'm pretty sure it doesn't say anywhere that the child actually died. The child's just sick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
It looks like if you cracked him open, Brian Thompson would come out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Go for that walk, man. Help out. Take the dog for a walk. Go get stoned.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah. Like, honestly, I want to say this. When's the last time you shot one in the air, then threw it on your pants and caught it with your hole? It's hard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
It really takes a lot out of you. I remember when my mom had her blood sugar machine taken from her. because she didn't have $800. And then, you know, because it would go off when she would, you know, when her blood sugar would drop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
You jerk it, jerk it, jerk it, jerk it, jerk it, jerk it. We were just in New York. And you come in the air real far, and then you take off your pants, and you lay down on your belly, and you try to catch it with your asshole? Yeah, it's called the Bellagio.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
When I do the Bellagio in front of her. It's a great trick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Big story. It's big stories and we got to talk about them. You know, it's it's you know, it's hard because it's like the information is very important. Well, it's because you shouldn't be getting info from us. Well, you know what? I think whatever you heard today, let this spark your interest and go out and learn a lot more from credible news sources. Who? That's my only thing, though.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I hate them, but you know who I trust? Who? TMZ.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Oh, my God. If you hear a rumor that someone's dead, it's like, oh, Prince is dead. It's on TMZ.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Also, check this out. For today, I'm wearing my last podcast on the left alien shirt. That's awesome. Yeah, go pick yours up. There's lots of good merch available. Get your orders in soon if you want them for Christmas. We're getting flooded right now, so if you want your shit for the holidays, make sure you put your order in today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
are cool with the podcast community. Also, I've got to say, might be a merch drop on eddytoons.com this week. Might be. I saw some of those.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah, man. I saw that fucking Emilia Perez movie. What was that? What is that? Everyone's loving it. It was garbage. Zoe Saldana. Yeah, Zoe Saldana musical. Netflix. Netflix. It is. You were all saying things. I don't know who Zoe Saldana is. You know who Zoe Saldana is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
She's the hot. Who she is. She's Columbiana. Which one? Remember the movie Columbiana? Nope. She was the hot fucking assassin. Nope. She's the most popular actress in the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah, I mean, well, the thing is she did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yes. She's been in the most popular movie in history.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
You know, I literally, I was at the IFC Center in New York, and I literally walked out like 40 minutes in. I was like, listen. this movie fucking sucks. Can I go see Carrie? Because Carrie was playing. And then he's like, all right. Yeah, you're the fifth guy here. No, he literally was like, you can tell people have been bitching about this movie. He was just like, yeah, we do know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because her sugar dropped when she was asleep and her blood sugar monitor didn't go off because she didn't have it anymore and she didn't wake up. Yeah. So you're saying that America killed your mother? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, you know, the thing is, and then, you know, you go and you think about this stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
We both walked out of a movie this weekend in New York.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
But you know what? I didn't walk out of one. Denzel Washington's great, though. Yeah. Yeah, he's fine. Yeah, I didn't see it, but I'm not going to, though. Go see Enora. Enora was wonderful. Everyone's saying Enora's supposed to be great. It's unbelievable. Sean Baker movies are always great, but Anora was perfect. Go see Anora. If you see anything this holiday season.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
I also got my Christmas Day Nosferatu tickets. Oh, yeah. I'm going on the 27th. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Oh, he pulled a Brady. Tom Brady. The other goat. Tom Brady loves kissing his family on the mouth. He really does. It's weird, right? That's why he, you know, he unretired. You know, what's he going to do? Stay home and play spin the bottle with his kids all day?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And the new episode's all about Japan. Ooh. Oh, my God. Did you see? We got the numbers back. Brighter Side went up over 100%. You're doing very well. Go listen to Brighter Side. We're fucking crushing it right now. We're doing very well. Come on with it, folks. I love you guys. We'll see you next week. Hail my mom. Hail my dad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
But hey, you're funnier as an orphan. I am the biggest orphan in the world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
And then, you know, my father, you know, a couple years later, he finds himself in a little trouble. He gets COVID, you know. Yeah, he had bad COVID. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he died. And then we got a nice, I think we got a $30,000 bill for his death. Oh, God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah, well, it was two million and they took care of a lot of it. Oh, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Yeah, you're right. I should just thank them. We should have been at Brian Thompson's funeral. It was cheaper for him to die than it was for him to keep going.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
helped contribute to hundreds of thousands of deaths.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
Oh, Luigi, you're such a good boy. Oh, thank you so much. Oh, Luigi, I always remember the day I had you. I had such a shattering orgasm that the doctor thought I was having a seizure. I came when you were conceived and when you were born. Oh, Luigi. Oh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
care i have care whether you live or die thousands of dollars into gofundme campaigns because insurance companies will not cover people's cancer treatment they won't do it not cover and it's it's fucking insane or they don't have insurance because they can't afford it in the first place one of the new ceos it's so crazy because like why would they not pay out if it's already so fucking expensive i pay top dollar for health insurance i
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
It shouldn't be here. I mean, he did kill someone in the street. That is kind of our territory. Exactly, and that's why I'm thankful. And for that, I'm thankful. All I know is someone was shot in Williamsburg three nights later, and they never found him or gave a fuck. Where's that person's manhunt?
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
It was where he was interested. It was like he didn't know if he wanted to get caught or not. But now I'm putting thoughts in his head. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
How you doing? And I'm sitting here as far away from Henry without still being on camera. I like being next to you, though. It is nice. We spend a lot of time together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
They're not getting any of it because they didn't call Crimestoppers. They called the wrong line, so they're not getting any of the money. They get none of it? They get none of it. Because... I was just talking to Sina about it upstairs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Side Stories: The Healthcare Killer
How do you feel about the person who turned him in? I mean, personally. I don't feel bad for them. I know that they... They need money. They needed the money. They worked at fucking McDonald's. They needed the money. They needed the money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
It's called having, you know, if you've ever had sex with a dolphin, it's better than having sex with a tuna.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
You're right. Absolutely correct. I would never. ever disabuse my power, you worm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
What I love.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Um, so for today's episode, we're going to be talking about, obviously, some of the worst sea-based crimes since what happened to Ariel. Who? The littlest mermaid. Sorry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
What's going on? I don't understand, Marcus. What does that refer to? I...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Never trust an assistant. Or a Zavank. This is the thing. You never know what happens in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, because if he was in even a one-on-one combat with any single person, they could overpower him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Listen, you're all going to love Seals Island. Incredible island. Absolutely amazing. Enjoy yourselves right here. We'll be back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
We have to murder them, my ghost.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I suppose murder will be in order.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
So what you're telling me is that you would go out to search, and then you'd murder them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Not at all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I want to talk about this really quick, right before you go into this. I just want to ask this just straight up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
We're getting closer. Yes, my voice is charged. Because I'm getting used to the island now. And it's just so good to finally have all the support I've ever wanted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I don't know how to trust you. There's something about you I don't get. Something I don't understand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I hope you enjoy this turkey. It's made out of seal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
You enjoying yourself? You liking the appetizers? You want a little sorbet? Just trying to clean the palate. I made it out of my piss. You want some? You want some seal blood? You enjoying that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Oh my god, Hans, can't believe you're here. What chance do you have? It's so good to see you, by the way. Welcome to the mutiny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Nothing but gold pieces. Yeah. And gold and silver in our mouths and our hands.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I think it's that one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Because I feel like if you wanted him something to do, I think it'd be a lot of like, okay, everybody, today we're doing yoga. Like, it's just like, today I actually think that we should all... Begin a story, one sentence at a time, and each one of us continues the story.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
I love this story. Thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
You know what he reminds me of a lot for some reason?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Euronymous then told the clerk, quote, Here's a half-dead child. You're not a fighting man. Here is a little noose. Go over there and fit it so that we here on the island do not hear so much wailing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
And I know this is, like, not funny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Yeah, no, it's just fucking whatever you're going to say, say it. It's just, is that not the cutest way to kill a baby? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
This is Gisman. This is Gis... Sons. This is my daughter, Gizizian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Let me just ask you this. How does a hamburger sound? Good. Yeah?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
As much jizz as you put on it, Jizmer. You know what I'm saying? Six o'clock on the dot. Dinner reservations. See you in my bed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
Now, this is a dish I like to call macaroni and cheese. And it's made, as you can see here, the cheese is bird shit. And the noodles, birds' intestines. But if you can just close your eyes for a second, it's like you're eating mac and cheese. Just the sound of it. The sound of it reminds me of mac and cheese. It kind of reminds me of... Is my family okay?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death
But also, I think that this shows our attack on the coral is not wrong. Yeah. And I think partially, yes, this is, you know, these corals need to mind their place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
She began wearing skimpy clothes. And soon enough, she'd taken a non-Mormon bad boy as her boyfriend. Oh, yeah. After graduating, Lori moved in with her high school sweetheart, and the two of them were married in Las Vegas by 1992. After less than a year, though, Lori was divorced following allegations that her husband abused her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
This made her high school beau the first of three divorces and five marriages that Lori would have over the course of her life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Lori, however, would not be the only one in her family to marry and divorce Young. Her older brother, Alex, also married and divorced his high school sweetheart. But that wasn't the only thing Lori and Alex had in common. See, Lori and Alex's relationship was what you'd call too close. Supposedly, Lori told her junior high best friend that Alex had made sexual moves on Lori when they were kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But by the time Lori was a little older, it seems like Lori had decided she was into it. Maybe. Maybe. From what Alex's first wife said, Alex would quite often talk about how hot his sister was.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
This was in addition to frequently groping Lori, and this was with Lori's permission. But the worst was when Alex would sometimes lift Lori by her waist and put her in his lap, and Lori would respond by enthusiastically bouncing up and down on her brother's crotch.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's not sexual. Pull it down to see how long the trunk could go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I'm going to look it up. I mean, do you really know of any religion where specifically killing cats is forbidden? Yeah, I don't think so. So go ahead, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Okay, good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, after Lori's first divorce, she moved to Austin, Texas to join her oldest brother, Adam. But while Lori got a nice Mormon job as a hairstylist, Adam had delved fully into the secular world and had gotten a job as a shock jock radio DJ using the name Bo Nasty on KHFI FM.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Bo Nasty.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Interestingly, though, Lori's oldest brother, Adam, and this is different from Alex. This is not the open mic guy. Adam would actually be the first member of the Cox family to be responsible for the death of another person. Because in 2007, Adam Cox was one of three Morning Zoo radio DJs who hosted a stunt infamous in the radio world called Hold Your We For A We.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's true, though. No, this is absolutely true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yes, you can. Well, during the on-air contest, 18 people drank as much water as they could, as fast as they could, and tried to see who could go the longest without urinating or vomiting. And the grand prize was a brand new Nintendo Wii, which was brand new at the time and quite rare. And it sold out everywhere. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And, you know, and a lot of these people, these 18 people, a lot of these were like parents trying to get a weed for their kids. Yeah. But drinking a large amount of water in a short period of time can cause acute water intoxication, which is a fatal condition. And one of the contestants, tragically, the runner up. Man. I know. She didn't win. She didn't win. No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And she actually died hours after she lost the contest. That's what they mean by second place is first loser.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
No. No, she lost because she wasn't able to hold the water longer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
She still died, yeah. That other guy could drink a lot of water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But before you say this is an innocent prank gone wrong, Adam Cox and the other DJs during the contest, they discussed a frat boy who would die doing this same stunt, I think like a year or two earlier. And a nurse actually called the station during the contest to tell them if these people do this, they will die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Adam and the other DJs, however, said on air that they were well aware that these people could die. You have to do it in the voice, though. Oh, we're well aware. Oh, we are well aware that these people could die here on KHFIFM. Tune in every Monday morning. We're going to be guaranteeing that there's going to be one person dying every single week.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Hold your poo. Hold your poo. Poo for Tuesday. We're going to see if these people can eat as much feces as humanly possible, and we're going to see just who is going to be the champion and who's going to win two tickets to Seven Mary Three.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But yeah, they said they were well aware these people could die, but they weren't worried about it because the contestants had all signed waivers. And they even took the opportunity to make jokes about the eventual victim's distended belly while she was obviously in distress. She's like, oh, wow, she looks like she's a three-month pregnant over there. What do you think about that, Adam?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But Adam and nine other employees were fired after the death. And while Adam never faced criminal charges, he still maintains that he did nothing wrong. Adam Cox actually tried the Nuremberg defense. He said he was just following orders. And he actually saw himself as the victim here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But really, all this is just to prove that just about everyone in the Cox family, not just Lori, is absolutely fucking awful. They are a bad set of fuckers. Yeah. Adam always, Adam does sort of get like lifted up as like the good one. Yeah. Cause he wasn't a direct murderer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
That's true. Now, from what one of Lori's friends from her younger days said, Lori was always unsatisfied with her life and was constantly on the lookout for something to fill the void. I will not live a life I do not deserve. It would, however, take a while for Lori to realize that her mother's plan for her life was not going to do the trick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, Lori certainly tried her mother's way of existing in the world for many years. A life of marriage, kids, diets, Hawaiian vacations, and shopping. But in the end, Laurie found that her father lived life in a far more satisfying way, as Barry Cox lived a very fundamentalist Mormon life of arrogance, selfishness, and extreme delusion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, that's the problem with being too extreme in the Mormon world. No energy drink sponsorships. None. None. No, actually, they can't have energy drinks. It's really just coffee. So you can have caffeine, but it's coffee that's evil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, the rules about coffee and tobacco, if I remember correctly from our Mormon series, I believe that came as a revelation because it was either one of Joseph Smith's wives or one of Brigham Young's wives who didn't like people drinking coffee and didn't like people smoking in her house. Yes. So she complained and complained and complained until there was a revelation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's like, God told me we can't have coffee and fucking cigarettes in here anymore. Yeah. And it's continued to this day. That is very much the arbitrary nature of Mormon revelations.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Is that wrong? No. See, while Chad Daybell was more influenced by the near-death experience slash end-time side of fringe Mormonism, Lori Vallow came from a household deeply steeped in a particularly Mormon flavor of right-wing extremism that informed the way Lori's father lived his entire life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But perhaps what most influenced Lori's idea that she could bend the world to her will and make things true just by saying them out loud was the fact that her father was also that most egotistical and fantastical of American creations. Barry Cox was a sovereign citizen. I'm a private nation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
That is a reduction of my power. And he has been waging an ongoing one-man war against the IRS since the 80s.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And so let's spend a little bit of time on Barry's sovereign citizenship and the particularly Mormon brand of right-wing extremism he's subscribed to, because it really is these two things together that explain the incredible arrogance and the magical thinking that led Lori Vallow down her eventual path.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, a sovereign citizen is basically a person who doesn't want to pay taxes, but they justify it by saying that the United States government is illegitimate. And they therefore claim that they are not subject to any government statutes unless they consent to them personally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. I'm free of demons, Marcus Parks. You're free of demons? I'm totally free of demons. Oh, no, no, no. I sold my soul many a year ago, so they don't bother me anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Basically, anything that requires an errand, they don't like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
They don't want to run errands.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, sovereign citizenship is actually a relatively new concept, and its origins lie in a conspiracy-focused white supremacist movement from the 60s called Posse Comitatus. Posse Comitatus began as a reaction to the Civil Rights Movement, which they saw as government overreach and proof that America as they knew it was dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Consequently, the movement was mostly focused on not paying state or federal taxes because they believed the government had been taken over by the Jews.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. See, this movement subscribed to the Christian identity belief that Jewish people are the descendants of Satan and that white Europeans are the real lost tribes of Israel, the ones who will one day build, hint, hint, a new Jerusalem. If this sounds familiar, this is pretty much the same thing Chad Daybell believed. Just substitute white for Mormon, and it's the same thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's the same thing anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The religion that didn't let black people in until 1978.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. And, you know, it's not a coincidence that the Christian identity movement is big in Idaho, which is where Chad Daybell, of course, decided to build his own New Jerusalem. Now, the posse comitatus movement faded in the 80s after a member got into an inevitable shootout with federal law enforcement. Happens quite a bit with these guys. But Barry Cox— The good ones!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But Barry Cox, Lori Vallow's father, nevertheless joined this highly racist right-wing movement and declared himself a sovereign citizen that same decade.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But just as Barry's daughter, Lori, is now defending herself in court for her second murder trial, Barry Cox took one law class and believed that he could, acting as his own attorney, validly argue in court against the United States government that he had no tax liability. Therefore, he stopped paying taxes in the 1980s. So how'd that work out?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
We're going to get to that here in a bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. Well, more punctuation. You're right. Well, eventually, Barry also became an author who released his very own e-book in 2019 called How the American Public Can Dismantle the IRS. Here's the IRS's address.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Over 421 indecipherable pages, Barry mixes all the modern conspiracy keywords like cabal, deep state, and Satanism with passages from both the Bible and the Book of Mormon. And all this is to argue about why paying taxes makes you what else? Here's another keyword. A zombie. Oh, shit. The Z word.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's really good. I'm proud of you. It feels good. Yeah, I don't have to keep the secret anymore. It's been driving me nuts for years.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yes, yes, you'll see. This fable is known as the White Horse Prophecy, and it is key to the understanding of this entire story to know that Lori Vallow was raised believing that everything I'm about to say is 100% the truth. Now, the White Horse Prophecy is a sort of Mormon urban legend, a piece of apocrypha not officially recognized by the LDS Church as canon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But it is said to be a prophecy made by none other than Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism. Now, the story goes that Joseph Smith revealed this prophecy to only one man. This man claimed that Smith told him that the Mormon people will eventually go to the Rocky Mountains, where they will establish a society of great and mighty people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And we have the technologically impaired Henry Zebrowski.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
These people will collectively be known as the White Horse of Peace and Safety. Joseph Smith continued the prophecy, saying that the enemies of the Mormon people, i.e. the United States government, would continue to impose their will on the Mormon people by making, quote-unquote, obnoxious laws in order to destroy the white horse of peace and safety.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Laws like no polygamy and no more marrying underage girls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. And you've missed the chance to indoctrinate them and train them and mold them to be exactly what you want.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, to protect the white horse, and it's important to know, the white horse is the Mormon people. It's like, imagine a Trojan horse, and all the Mormon people are inside. Kind of. Okay, sure. Smith said that the Mormons must continue to petition Congress constantly, but Congress will refuse to give Mormons their rights and will instead govern them from the outside.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, this might sound like the Mormons wanted to break away from the United States. Yeah, Marcus. But they actually very much want to be a part of our country. They kind of have a have your cake and eat it too type of situation going on. I think they want to own the bakery, Marcus. Yes, I think so, too.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Basically, the Mormons were hiding behind the concept of religious freedom in order to do whatever they wanted to do. Mormons are therefore big proponents of the Constitution because the freedom of religion clause in the First Amendment works as a sort of loophole for all the nefarious shit they get up to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, and I also think that the Mormons, their goal for the rest of us is not subjugation, but straight up murder. They very much just like all of us to be dead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
They stopped being their own because they became zombies. Now, according to the White Horse prophecy, the Mormons would live to see a day sometime in the future in which the Constitution would be nearly destroyed, that it would, quote, hang like a thread as fine as silk fiber. And by the way, hanging by a thread, that's a Mormon dog whistle.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
If you hear someone say, this country is hanging by a thread, that usually means they're a follower of the white horse prophecy. It's kind of a little code so people know what you're talking about. Glenn Beck used to say it all the time. Glenn Beck, big Mormon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
They talk about it. They use it as a term. We had senators say it. Orrin Hatch used to say it. Senator Orrin Hatch out of Utah used to say, hanging by a thread all the time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, kind of, sort of.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, once the Constitution is, quote, hanging by a thread, that would be a signal for the Mormons, a.k.a. the White Horse of Peace and Safety, to rise up and save the United States from the rest of us sinners. Save the United States. Most importantly, though, the rising up of the White Horse. You can't do air quotes on fucking radio. I do that for the video.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And we have, longing for the old days, it's Ed Larson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And watch more video content. Video episodes of every single episode of The Last Podcast on the left. But most importantly, though, the rising up of the white horse would be a sign that Armageddon was imminent, as the white horse is what else but a direct reference to the four horsemen of the apocalypse from the book of Revelation. Behold a pale horse and all that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But that's all to say that the white horse prophecy directly ties the policies of the United States government to the end of the world, and it makes the Mormons the central characters in both the end times and in the story of America at large.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, Lori Vallow grew up believing that the White Horse Prophecy was totally real, and that belief only got stronger throughout her life. See, the White Horse Prophecy creates a sort of alternate universe for Mormonism's more fringe members to live within, a world where Mormons are exceptional beings who sort of but don't really have to live by the same rules as the rest of us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
In addition to the White Horse Prophecy, Lori Vallow was also raised with the narcissistic delusion of sovereign citizenship, a world of magical thinking where she can live by her own rules and beliefs simply by stubbornly forging ahead.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
This is also a world of right-wing extremism, because while the followers of the White Horse Prophecy say they want to protect the Constitution, it's really the amendments that they have a big problem with. Which is like half the Constitution. It's a lot of it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
For them, the abolition of slavery, the implementation of federal income tax, and giving the women the right to vote, those were the real assaults on the Constitution. And the less conservative America gets, the more these people freak out in increasingly destructive and dangerous ways. Like, say, I don't know, killing your own children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
All right. I thought you meant like you had to bring like a child's corpse to the polling booth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Man, you're really growing up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But again, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, and let's rejoin Lori Vallow in the mid-90s in Austin, Texas. Now, within a few years, Lori had gotten together with the man who would become her second husband, and in April of 1996, she gave birth to her first son, Colby.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And here we are for Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow, part two. Yay. So when last we left the story, Chad Daybell had finally gained a following of sorts in the Mormon neo-fundamentalist doomsday community.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
As it was with her first husband, Lori also claimed that her second was abusive, saying that he physically and drunkenly assaulted her multiple times, even going so far as to threaten to kill her when she was pregnant, which he very well may have. But in the end, Lori's second marriage was only a little longer than the first, and she was divorced again by 1998.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Lori, however, wasn't the only person in the Cox family having troubles, as it seems like the Coxes were in a near-constant state of crisis throughout the mid-to-late 90s. They love drama. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. Very, very fucking true. Yeah. The easiest way to inject drama into your life is polygamy. And fucking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
By appearing on Mormon Prepper podcasts and giving talks at New Age seminars about the impending apocalypse, Chad had gathered a small group of apocalypse-minded Mormons who were on the same near-death experience trip as him. His followers, however, were mostly women. And amongst his biggest fans was his eventual partner in crime, Lori Vallow. Yep, we're meeting her today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, someone sent us a big, extra large bottle of Swiss Navy anal lube.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Let's get into some of the dramas of the Cox family in the mid-late 90s. First, Lori's brother Alex got excommunicated from the LDS church after his ex-wife made claims of sexual promiscuity, which put Alex on the ounce with the Mormon establishment for good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And I think how Lori Vallow and Alex got around this, correct me if I'm wrong, but how they got around divorce is that until Chad Daybell, every man that Lori Vallow married was a non-Mormon. Like they were all they all not all of them did. Most of them converted, but not all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So I think because she was not married within the church and was not like sealed within the church to another like lifelong Mormon. There's all kinds of fucking loopholes and, you know, ways around it. And it's not like, you know, they're in a sort of like FLDS community, like a fundamentalist community where, you know, they could be murdered for doing something like divorce.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
They're kind of living with one foot in the secular world and one foot in the Mormon world.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But Lori Vallow did get married in Vegas twice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Could be. Well, around the same time that Alex was excommunicated, Lori's older sister Stacy was also going through a divorce in addition to a custody battle with her husband and a rapidly deteriorating mental state. And that mental state was incurred by growing up in what her husband called the psychological hornet's nest that was the Cox family.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, concerning Stacey Cox, because of Janice's constant fat shaming of her children, Stacey developed an eating disorder, and it declared after having her only child that all food was poison.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
As a result of Stacey's delusion and the lifestyle that went with it, her daughter's teeth grew in without enamel because of a lack of calcium, and her husband would be given custody because of Stacey's instability and neglect. But as we'll see time and again, the Cox family does not take kindly to one of their own being crossed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
At one point during the breakup, Barry Cox showed up at Stacey's husband's place of work. He slammed him against a wall, screamed Mormon scripture into his face, and stuffed divorce papers down his shirt.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
The whole Stacey saga only ended when Stacey fell into a coma and died in May of 1998 at the age of 31, after years of being in and out of the hospital because of her eating disorder and because of complications from type 1 diabetes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It is. Yeah, yeah. It's the main part. Yeah. Now, soon after Stacey's death, the government finally came for Barry Cox. After years of so-called paper terrorism, in which sovereign citizens like Barry clog up the courts with frivolous lawsuits and endless paperwork, Barry was finally sentenced to a year in prison for tax evasion and was ordered to pay a quarter million in back taxes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I do not have this money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Lori, however, was still attempting to live the life of her mother's world, because at 27 years old, Lori met and married her third husband, a man 16 years her senior named Joe Ryan, who converted to Mormonism for Lori. Soon after his conversion, Lori was pregnant again, and she gave birth to her daughter Tylee in 2002.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Tylee, of course, would be one of the two children that Lori would one day come to murder. Now, Lori's third husband, Joe Ryan, was said to be quick to anger, and the marriage fell apart fast. He was again abusive, but instead of leaving her husband like she did the other two, Lori began to inch closer into the world of her father.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
She threw herself into Mormonism completely and got real weird with it real fast. During the early 2000s, Lori could be found dancing by herself in an empty room filled with mirrors while listening to religious music, which Lori said was her form of meditation and her way of getting closer to God. Now, that's a Laura Palmer scene right there if I ever fucking heard one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, podcasting made it way worse. No, I think we're talking about a zero-sum thing here. I don't think TikTok helps or hurts. But the thing about TikTok, you can see that she's hot. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
He's a dollop. Well, even stranger than the dancing was Lori's increasingly bizarre beliefs about the dead, such as her belief that her daughter, Tylee, was the reincarnation of Lori's recently deceased sister, Stacy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Lori also began edging into the more esoteric side of Mormonism, Daybell territory, which she claimed that spirits from beyond the veil were giving her daily instructions on how to live every aspect of her life. Now, this really goes to show you, you never really know what the people you see on TV are thinking. You never do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Because it was around this time that Lori Vallow appeared as a contestant on Wheel of Fortune. She placed second and won over $17,000. She solved one puzzle. Named four characters on the love boat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
That's a good burlesque name. You know, you joke about that, but I would imagine that she saw some sort of sign in that, in Vanna White's name. You know, like she probably did. These people see signs in everything. They see their own worldview reflected back to them. And, you know, Vanna White just has to deal with it when she goes and shakes her hand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
That's how he got the job. It seems like Lori was enjoying the attention she was getting. As a few months after being on Wheel, she entered the Miss Hayes County Beauty Pageant, and she won, which made her eligible for the Miss Texas Pageant. When Lori was interviewed by the judges, though, she made a statement that at the time was somewhat innocent, but in hindsight is fucking chilling.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
When Lori Vallow was asked what made her tick, she said, quote, Being a good mom is very important to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It happens a fair amount. I mean, you take any sample from anything and there's going to be a fair amount of murderers in it. Plumbers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, of course, being a ticking time bomb, that's not a winning answer for the Miss Texas Patrick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. Now, because of the frequent physical abuse and some alleged sexual abuse committed by Lori's third husband, Lori filed for divorce from Joe Ryan in August of 2004 and engaged in a lengthy custody battle for her daughter, Tylee. Now, Lori's son, Colby, did say years later, he said it very clearly in the Netflix documentary, that Joe Ryan was sexually abusive and physically abusive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But Lori Vallow took these allegations to the next level during the custody fight, telling investigators that she would rather kill her children than give Ryan custody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But after multiple investigations found that not only had there been no sexual abuse, but that Lori had been coaching her kids to tell abuse stories, it was decreed that Joe and Lori share custody of Tylee when the two of them were finally divorced in 2005. There is a very disturbing line through, which is...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But why not? Big old crazy bing bongs.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, I think, I mean, if you talk to Colby Ryan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, he said he said clearly like he was physically abusive. He also said he was sexually abusive. So I think she had a pattern. Like, I think she definitely like did have like three abusive men like in a row. But her fourth husband, Charles Vallow, I don't know if she always made up stories about all these guys because she didn't do that with Charles. She did, though. But not in the abuse way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So like weaponizing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, he does seem on the level, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. Well, not too long after her divorce, Lori filed for bankruptcy, owing three quarters of a million dollars to creditors, including, like father, like daughter, a hundred grand in back taxes. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. All that was fixed, however, when Laurie met her fourth husband, the long-suffering Charles Vallow. At 49 years old, Charles was another older man. As such, he already had two sons of his own and had just divorced from his first wife when he met Laurie. Described as tall and strikingly handsome. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Charles Vallow seemed to just be, I don't know, normal dude, middle-of-the-road guy, a financial planner, earned about $250,000 a year. But that big salary meant that Lori had solved her debt problems, and the two of them frequently joked about her being a gold digger.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, I could see how people could make that assumption, because Lori and Charles were married within just a few months of meeting each other. They, like, met in the fall of 2005... married in the spring of 2006. By then, Lori Vallow had her fourth husband, whom she married in her second Vegas wedding.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I think the third one is the one when you make the big statement. I think the third one has to be bigger than the first one because you've got to prove that you really love this one more than the other two.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I can't wait to my third. It's officiated by a chimp.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Charles Vallow's ex-wife more or less said that Charles could be a bit of a bastard, but in the ex-wife's view, Laurie was just as unstable. It's still an ex-wife's point of view, unfortunately. Yes. The ex-wife never felt safe having her two sons around Laurie and claimed that Laurie would drug her kids with NyQuil and sleeping pills just so she wouldn't have to deal with them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Even so, Laurie and Charles were exactly what each other wanted. Charles Vallow wanted a young trophy wife, and as a 32-year-old beauty queen, Lori fit the bill. Charles, meanwhile, paid for Lori to go to Hawaii whenever she wanted, and she finally had a daddy who would succumb to her every whim. Okay, you just made it jump.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, when he's here for the new Jerusalem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Charles Vallow's handsome. Oh, no, I don't think Lori Vallow was necessarily a gold digger. I think she just liked someone to take care of her. And Charles Vallow, by all accounts, by Charles Vallow, by all accounts, like truly loved Lori Vallow. I mean, fucking unfortunately, he truly loved Lori Vallow. And he was, you know, more or less a fine man. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
He wasn't like the best guy, but, you know, he was all right. He was just a guy. He was just a guy. Like that's I think at the end of the day, that's what Charles Vallow. Charles Vallow was just some fucking guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, life was good for Lori, and Charles Vallow even enthusiastically converted to the LDS church. But while Lori could have just settled into her new life, it seems like she was addicted to the drama. She very much had it out for her ex-husband Joe Ryan, and in 2006, she made an official report that Ryan had sexually abused her children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now again, detectives and social workers found no evidence of molestation. And social worker reports noted that Lori appeared to be coaching Tylee to make accusations. But that was not the only thing the social workers noticed. Lori Vallow was quite obviously feeding her children fanatical Mormon dogma in addition to telling them stories about ghosts being real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And she even told government officials that she consulted with a dead lawyer about her custody case when the spirit came to visit her in the night.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, the reincarnation thing, I looked this up, and it's a gray area where the church doesn't officially say that you are reincarnated, but you can take the idea of premortality, which we're going to talk about premortality a little bit later.
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Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But you can take this Mormon idea that you existed before you were born, that you existed in the presence of the Heavenly Father before you were born, and you returned to the Heavenly Father. And so some of these things can be interpreted by saying that you kind of go back and forth between earth and Heavenly Father, even though it doesn't clearly say that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
That's certainly how Chad Daybell interpreted it, and that's definitely how Lori Vallow interpreted it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
No. No, no, no. No, because that would be a waste. Yeah, there's a lot of it, but with Mormonism, there's just a million ways to interpret everything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. But just like it happened when Barry Cox assaulted Stacey Cox's husband, there was something about the Cox family that inspired violence when one of them was seemingly threatened. And it was around this time that Laurie's brother Alex stepped into the ring. But while Alex was definitely a psychopath, he was also an absolutely ridiculous person.
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Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
See, radio DJ Adam Cox was not the only member of the family to try his hand at entertainment. By 2007, Alex Cox was living in Phoenix, Arizona, working a day job installing porta-potties. But at night, he was also one of the worst open mic stand-up comedians in town.
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Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
As per the memory of one of Alex's friends back in Phoenix, Alex was a bit of an impressionist. Ran the gamut of impressions, both baffling and hacky. Not me! From cartoon characters like Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and Homer Simpson to movie icons like Hannibal Lecter and weirdly Mrs. Doubtfire.
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Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Can't steal the stealing. But Alex's friend in Phoenix also said that Alex was always a little off mentally and very easy to manipulate. Particularly, this friend said that Alex was easily manipulated by his sister Lori. Yes. In a display that was described as both awkward and weird, this friend said that Lori would parade around Alex in a bikini, obviously trying to titillate him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Let me adjust it. Now, as I mentioned earlier, Alex would be directly responsible for many of the deaths that occurred around Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow's orbit. But it seems like Lori had been going to Alex to do her dirty work for decades.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Nope. Well, in 2007, Lori Vallow manipulated her brother into driving from Phoenix to Austin to attack her ex-husband, Joe Ryan. Although it's said that what Lori originally had planned was far more sinister. See, Lori had been firing up Alex for months by telling him that Joe Ryan had been molesting her children.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, who's going to take him seriously? He's never going to get this off the ground. I do think there was some of that being like, ah, it's fun for now. Yeah, and almost like a little bit of Mormon politeness as well. Like, where it's like, I'm not going to tell this guy to fuck off. Just like, yes, encourage him, smile, and just let it go. You also joke. We talked a little bit about this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So Alex became obsessed with taking vengeance without Lori ever having to convince him to actually do it. So after Joe had a supervised visit with Tylee at a facility one day, Alex Cox suddenly appeared before Joe in a parking lot as Joe was walking to his car. Alex began yelling, then pulled out a taser and buried it deep into Joe's chest as a sharp crackle filled the air.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
After being tased, Joe fell to the ground but quickly got up and started running and calling for help while Alex got in his Pontiac Grand Prix and drove away. But this had not been the plan. Lori Vallow and her daughter Tylee were actually watching the whole thing unfold from Alex's car because Lori had orchestrated the entire attack. According to Adam Cox, a.k.a.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
DJ Bo Nasty, the plan was to kill Joe Ryan that day by tasing him, throwing him in the trunk of the Pontiac, driving him out to a field, shooting him, and burying him. What is it about Pontiacs and murderers? Casey Anthony, also with the Pontiac Sunfire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
In the end, though, Joe still came away from the incident with a broken wrist and severe chest pains. The tasing caused him to suffer heart problems for the rest of his life, and he soon after developed a nasty drinking problem to deal with the horrible shambles that his life had become.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I bet you guys have committed like five felonies together already. You don't even know it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I'm not joking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now later, Laurie admitted that she had searched the Book of Mormon for some justification to kill her ex-husband without guilt or retribution from God. And she believed that she'd found it in a compilation of Joseph Smith revelations called Doctrine and Covenants. Was that recorded live? Is that a bootleg?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Doctrine and Covenants, live at Red Rocks, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
This line, Lori Vallow believed, was the Book of Mormon telling her that it was not only morally fine to murder her ex-husband, but religiously sound as well. And it's written down. Yeah. Now, Alex Cox was naturally arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for attacking Joe Ryan. He was given a paltry sentence of 90 days. But even that, Alex thought, was too harsh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
He thought that he should have been hailed as a hero, and he even worked his nearly fatal assault into a bit for his stand-up comedy routine. You gotta write what you know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's a fucking terrible routine. It's out there. You can see it. But yeah, it's just him warbling on about it. I thought I was going to get a medal. Apparently it's a felony in Texas to tase a pedophile. I am surprised that it is. Do you want to play any new stand-up? No, I don't want to give him a single bit of fucking air. Well, he's at least not getting paid for it now. No, he's not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. Now, we spent the majority of the last episode telling the life story of Chad Daybell. And while his life story is extremely interesting, it's pretty damn tame for the most part because of Chad's extreme Mormon demeanor. Extreme Mormon! Line line Mormon. Yeah. But, you know, Chad, he didn't really go off the rails completely until he met Lori Ballow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now, this incident seemed to bring Lori and her brother Alex even closer, because soon after, Lori convinced her husband Charles to move the whole family to a suburb of Phoenix, just a few miles from where Alex lived. Life, however, was relatively uneventful for the next few years. But in 2012, Charles Vallow's nephew fathered a baby who was born premature.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
The nephew and the mother were both addicts, so social services put the baby in the care of Charles Vallow's sister, Kay Woodcock. By addict, do you mean like chocoholic? I mean like heroinaholic. Oh, that's so much worse than chocolate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Maybe methaholic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
They were never truly, like, they were never that clear about it. That's going to be my sitcom, methaholic. If it's 2012, that's still kind of like that in-between time between meth and heroin. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could be either. Could be both. Well, the child was Joshua Jackson, better known as J.J.,
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Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Charles' sister Kay was too old to raise a baby, so a few months after gaining custody, Charles and Lori adopted J.J., and as a result, J.J. Vallow would be the other child to die under Lori Vallow's care.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Two years after they adopted J.J., Lori finally realized the Cox family dream when she convinced her husband to move the family to Hawaii, which was also a bit of a fuck you to Joe Ryan, because Joe Ryan had actually moved to Phoenix to be closer to his daughter. But it was in Hawaii that Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell's paths first began to cross. I can feel the vibes. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, in Hawaii, Lori discovered the world of Mormon near-death experience books, and she became a particular fan of the ribbon-twirling author we mentioned last week, Julie Rowe, who was published by Chad Daybell's company. Lori Vallow also became a huge fan of Julie Rowe's podcast, which led her directly to the Avow message board that originally gave Chad Daybell his first big boost. Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
From there, Lori Vallow discovered Chad Daybell's books and his podcast appearances. And Lori had soon read every book Chad ever wrote, including all of his awful fiction. The members of the Avow message board, by the way, were also big believers in the white horse prophecy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And it's likely that this website was where Lori Vallow discovered the story about the 144,000 Mormons who had survived the apocalypse to witness the second coming of Jesus Christ.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So today we'll be covering the story of the person who pushed Chad over the edge. A story filled with death, sex, betrayal, religion and lies. Yeah. This is the life lived by everyone's favorite Idahoan, Lori Vallow. But Lori is only part of the picture here. As we cover her, we'll also be covering her family in detail.
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Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But at the same time that Laurie was starting to fall completely into the highly attractive world of fantasy, her real life was getting more complicated. It soon became clear that the child she and Charles adopted, J.J. Vallow, soon became clear he was severely autistic, and he had to be constantly watched lest he sneak out of the house and wander the neighborhood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Charles Vallow worked all the time, he traveled a lot for work, so it became Laurie's responsibility. Lori's son Colby also got married in 2018, and his new wife soon noticed the strange relationship Lori had with her son. Lori was terribly jealous and was said to have treated Colby more like a boyfriend than her own child.
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Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
After Colby got married, Lori became distant, as if her son had left her for another woman. It's not like my mom at all.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, additionally, Charles and Laurie's marriage was starting to show some wear. When Charles's mother died, Laurie refused to go to the funeral, saying that she was somehow too busy. Stop floating around, man.
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Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But the one piece of good news from Lori's perspective was the objectively depressing death of Joe Ryan. His decomposing corpse was found in a Phoenix apartment after he'd been dead for weeks. But when Lori was informed of the death, she couldn't have been happier, telling her sister-in-law that Joe was evil and needed to die.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's almost certain that Joe Ryan died of a heart attack because Alex Cox tased him. He was like 58 or something.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, it's hard to prove that. It's hard to prove, but I knew immediately. But that's the other thing, too, is that at this point, Joe Ryan's just a corpse in a fucking apartment in Phoenix. As far as the police are concerned, he's a divorced man with a bunch of pictures of his daughter around his apartment, a bunch of liquor bottles around, who died of a heart attack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And no one cared about Joe Ryan. No one gave a shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Amazing. Something to look forward to. But you'll notice this is a running theme with Lori. She likes to deal out death. She likes to say who needs to die and who deserves to live. And she did this for a long time before she met Chad Daybell. That sort of thinking was already in her fucking brain. They were just ready to meet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
They're almost there. Now, by 2018, Lori Vallow was 45 years old and had become absolutely obsessed with the Mormon near-death experience world. Besides the works of Chad Daybell and Julie Rowe, Lori was also a fan of a book called The Second Comforter, written by a man with the unlikely name of Denver C. Snuffer Jr.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Because none of us would have ever known Lori Vallow's name had it not been for the influence of her parents. And conversely, the influence Lori was able to exert on other members of her family. Like Patrick Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Yes. Particularly, we're going to be covering Lori's brother, Alex Cox, who would in time become directly responsible for two attempted murders and three actual murders.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I remember when Denver C. Snuffer Jr. molested Big Red. He was Oscar the Grouch's roommate, right? Yeah. Drifter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
You know me as well. Get that second comforter, ladies and gentlemen. It's a game changer. It really does make your life a lot better.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Fantastic. But in the Mormon world, you can't be into the near-death experience trip without also falling into the end times obsession. Because these two subjects were intrinsically linked by the time Lori arrived on the scene.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So after the Vallow family moved back to Arizona, they don't live in Hawaii anymore, they're back in Arizona, Lori joined so many other neo-fundamentalist Mormons in becoming a doomsday prepper. Makes sense because Arizona already looks like the set of Mad Max. True.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Now by October of 2018, Lori Vallow had found her way to a Mormon end times class taught by a writer and so-called life coach, a woman named Melanie Gibb.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. gibb you may remember had been inspired by chad daybell and it opened a local branch of the doomsday prepper organization preparing a people in arizona it's preparing people he made them know them better as pap
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
If you do that, I'll say, you got me. Well, before long, Lori was a committed member of PAP as well. And with a receptive audience, her bullshit very quickly took off to the next level. At PAP meetings, Lori would claim that she no longer needed to sleep because angels would wake her up throughout the night to instruct her on how best to do God's work. She lived on angel energy. That's cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
He was crucified by an AIDS victim. No, no, no. I remember now, Jimmy Carter ran him over with a car.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Obviously influenced by Chad Daybell, Lori also claimed to be a personal witness of the resurrected Jesus Christ. And she said that she was regularly visited by the dead spirits of family members. God, she said, had also given her so-called pre-mortal memories.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Premortal, as I said earlier, that's a Mormon term for the time people live in the presence of Heavenly Father before we're born on this earth. But in Lori's premortal life, she claimed that she'd been a warrior for Christ, fighting the forces of darkness in the premortal world for millennia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And by the way, also, every time Lori, it fucking drives me nuts, every time Lori Vallow says the word millennia, she extends it into four staccato syllables. Millennia. Yeah, it's fair. God. But when Lori said all this crazy shit to a gathering of Pat members, she got not blank stares or polite nodding, but raucous applause. It's like when I do shows in Florida instead of L.A.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Alex was just as, if not more psychopathic than Lori Vallow herself. And that's not even to mention the fact that Alex was also an open mic stand up comedian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And so, the week after Lori was completely and totally validated for her extraordinarily arrogant beliefs, Melanie Gibb took Lori to a PAP conference in St. George, Utah. Fifteen guest speakers were on the bill, but the one that Lori Vallow wanted to meet more than any of them was her favorite near-death experience author and podcaster, Chad Daybell. Mm-hmm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
No. I don't know if blowjobs are necessarily Mormon-friendly. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, because the big Mormon thing is soaking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I mean gagging.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
We done talking about cum? Yep. Okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
George, his so-called spiritual voice, the one that supposedly guided him in his everyday life... That's me! This voice told him that he would meet an extraordinary woman at the conference that day, a woman who would change his life forever.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Ramona Yoda. Well, conveniently, Chad had made himself totally free to meet whoever he wanted that weekend, as he'd left his wife and five children back home in Rexburg, Idaho, a.k.a. New Jerusalem, for this particular conference.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I guess it sounds like that. Guy going in there with, don't they use a hook? Yeah, they use a hook. What else do you think about PAP smears? What else do you think happens down there? I love them in the germs. Yes, the PAP smear, yeah. Germs, nirvana, all that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Mmm, yum. So after Chad went before the pap conference and gave his halting, awkward speech about the end times, he sat down at his table to meet his fans and sign his books. There was tens of them! And who else should saunter up to Chad's sit-down with a big smile and a lot of adulation but Lori Vallow. Hi. Lori told Chad that she'd read all of his books.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And from what Melanie Gibbs said, Chad and Lori had instant chemistry, as if a lightning bolt had hit both of them. And indeed, it does seem like Chad and Lori went from zero to a hundred almost instantly. Well, Chad and Lori were inseparable for the rest of the conference.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And before the weekend was over, Chad was telling Lori that his spiritual gifts had revealed that they had been married seven times before in previous lives. Lori, Chad said, was one of the chosen ones, and together they would change the world. Chad also told Lori that she had spiritual powers that only Chad could unleash in full.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So they exchanged numbers at the end of the conference and continued communicating after they parted ways.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. You got, you know, we've been married seven times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And it does. It adds a sense of urgency to everything you do. Absolutely. Everything. So it does tend to make you make bad decisions. Decisions like, hey, why don't we kill our spouses? Or, hey, why don't we kill my children? You know, because you just think, not a lot of time left. We got to get this shit kick-started, and it's not really going to matter anyway.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Lori, however, couldn't stop talking about Chad on the way back from the conference, saying that she was attracted to him, quote, on a spiritual level. As far as what attracted her, Lori was obviously a very black and white person. And in addition to pumping her up, Chad had also given Lori a very simple way of slotting black and white thinking into her belief system.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Chad claimed that he'd come up with a system to tell if people were dark spirits or light spirits, which was yet another concept he'd stolen from the controversial indie e-book, Visions of Glory. In Visions of Glory, Tom Harrison had said that during one of his NDEs, he was shown people whose only purpose on Earth was to commit evil deeds, people he unimaginatively called evils.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Everyone, Harrison claimed, has levels of light and dark within them, and we all have to ascend above the dark in order to gain light levels.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So Lori Vallow came into this world as Lori Cox in Loma Linda, California on June 26, 1973. The fourth of five children born to two massive Mormon pains in the ass named Janice and Barry Cox. Barry Cox is truly extreme Mormon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah. If you like, that's the thing. If you if you watch pornography and you masturbate at the moment of ejaculation, the top of your head opens up and a dark spirit comes in because they were all edging.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Does that answer your question?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
So I assume that after reading about the light-dark system in Visions of Glory, Chad developed his own system to classify people into light or dark categories. The more light you were, the more aligned with God. And the more dark, the more you were aligned with Satan.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But as we said in the first episode, Chad really did turn Mormonism into a tabletop RPG, and he quantified how light or dark someone was by giving them a number between 4.3 and negative 4.3, or 4.3 light and 4.3 dark. Now, Chad had chose the number 4.3 because it added up to 7. And 7 is extremely important in both Christianity and Mormonism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Seven days of creation, seven tribes of Israel, so on and so forth. Also, him and Lori have been married seven times. 4.3, though, does not add up to 7.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you take the four and you take the three, then you add that together, then that makes you... That's the thing. In Chad's... That's the thing. Hey, fuck me. In Chad's world of, like, fucking new age numerology and making shit up as you go along, like, the four and the three represented heaven and earth. So if you are 4.3 light... that meant that you're spiritually perfect.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
You have an equal amount of heaven and earth in you. But if you're 4.3 dark, then you're perfectly spiritually imperfect, I suppose. Although it would have been a fuck of a lot cooler if the most dark you could be was 6.66 dark. Yeah, that's called branding. Yes, it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, it has to be. But then that's the thing is that you can't. It's Grayskull. What's his name? Yeah, but you can't. But if you were 6.66 dark, that makes you like a bigger number than like 4.3 light. But that's because the evil is always more powerful than good in the beginning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's easy. You could just make it 7 light and 6.66 dark. So that way there's no equality there. Let me call Chad. I actually have some numbers through my bosses. Now, all of this, again, sounds very stupid. Yes. And it only gets dumber from here. To tell who was a light or dark spirit, Chad used a magical artifact, a golden owl necklace that he believed was a gift from God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Chad would ask the necklace questions and it would swing one way or another to suss out the light or dark tone of a spirit. Sussing out tones, however, was only part of the owl necklace's power.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Chad would also bring it out during those gatherings he'd host at his home, and he would use it to tell people things about themselves and their past lives, things that made Chad appear to be very spiritually connected. In the Mormon world, the owl would swing back and forth for a yes or swing in a circle for no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But according to one of Chad's former friends, Chad would find out who was coming to his gatherings beforehand and Google everything that he could find out about him. Then he would pretend that that information that he gathered on Google came from the necklace.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But I do think that Chad did actually believe in his own bullshit because after Chad got back to Rexburg after meeting Lori, he immediately took his owl necklace and began a detailed light and dark spirit analysis of Lori's whole family, including her ex-husbands and her dead relatives. Not surprisingly, Lori Valley herself was 4.3 light. Spiritually perfect. Whoa. Guess what, Chad Daybell?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
4.3 light. Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yes. They're so blessed. They really are. Both of Lori's parents and her dead sister, Stacy, three light on earth. But Stacy, since she'd gone to heaven, she was now 4.1 light.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Very arbitrary. Yeah. Also not surprising was Chad's appraisal of Lori's ex-husbands. Her second husband was too dark, while Joe Ryan was on the totally opposite side of Lori's spectrum at 4.3 dark. He's dead. Yeah. He's still 4.3 dark. He was 4.3 dark when he was on Earth. Wow. Wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Magical objects play a massive role in Mormonism. Just amazing. And they continue to this day. You can just say, oh yeah, I have a magical object because Joseph Smith had magical objects. And you can just say whatever the fuck you want.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And as long as you kind of talk a good game and stay within the bounds that everybody's expecting you to stay within, then you can get a long fucking way in Mormonism with a magical owl necklace. Oh, wow. God, we got to do it. Sure. We can get one. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Interestingly, though, Chad was all over the place in the beginning when it came to quantifying the people who would end up dead as a result of his and Lori's beliefs. Charles Vallow, Lori's then current husband, started at three light and their adopted son, JJ, was even better. He was a 4.2. Damn near perfect. Tylee, however, Lori's daughter, she was 4.1 dark.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And I believe that this negative rating may have been where the first seed of getting rid of everyone keeping Chad and Lori apart was planted. See, almost immediately, Chad began blowing copious amounts of spiritual New Age Mormon smoke up Lori's ass. And Lori's ass was just about as wide open as it could possibly be to welcome it in. As wide as a Swiss sailor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
See, unlike Chad Daybell's family, Lori's brood was far more relaxed when it came to mixing the secular world with the Mormon world. Janice Cox, Lori's mother, she wore high heels, tight leopard skin pants, short tight tops. She loved to bleach blonde her hair. And Lori's father, Barry, he was a gambler who liked to sometimes bring Lori along as a good luck charm.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Lori's brother, Alex, soon joined his sister as a follower of Chad Daybell. And within nine months of Chad and Lori's first meeting, Lori's fourth husband, Charles, would be dead by Alex Cox's hand. Charles would be just the first of four people to die as a result of the fantasy world Lori and Chad would soon create together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And it's with the creation of that world that we'll pick back up next week for Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow, part three.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to watch video episodes of every single episode we do. And don't forget to go watch side stories for free over on YouTube. And once you got those apps open, go on over to TikTok and Instagram and follow us at LP on the left. And if you still want more from the last podcast network, go over to twitch.tv slash LPN TV to see us perform bullshit live.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
You know, now that I think about it, the Nazis were quite fussy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, hail Gein. He never killed a single child.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
In the doc, Lori looks like a fucking iguana with a wig on. Oh, you're talking about Janice Cox?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Do it while you can. But please, let's not get into a Chris Benoit situation here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
I didn't know that about him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
You're right. Well, Barry and Janice Cox were also big fans of Hawaii. And they'd often abandon their children for weeks at a time for gambling trips out to the islands. fuck goes to Hawaii to gamble? I didn't even know you could gamble in Hawaii. Apparently you can.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Extremely so, and we're going to get to that later. But when Lori's parents went to Hawaii, they would leave Lori's eldest sister at home to take care of Lori and their other siblings. As such, Barry and Janice were always somewhat on the outs with the LDS church, subscribing to the beliefs, but never really fitting in with the establishment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
For example, Barry once showed up at a church function after a particularly good trip to Hawaii and screamed, Aloha! at the congregation. Aloha! Shake my hand. Shake my hand.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, he expected everyone in this Mormon congregation to shout aloha back. But he was, of course, met with total silence.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Well, as far as the Cox children went, most LDS members from their origin point in California claimed that they barely remember Barry and Janice's kids. The siblings were also thought to be strange and off-putting by their peers, to the point where their house was a near-constant target for a good old-fashioned toilet papering. Well, they already look like a flaming pile of... I love it, dude.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Yeah, that was the big rebellion was TPing. Yeah. Now, when you're talking childhoods, Lori Vallow's is a special case in the pantheon of true crime. There are no stories of extreme childhood abuse like you'd get with other psychopaths, nor do you really see anything in her childhood behavior that would give any indication that she'd eventually do what she did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
In fact, the Cox family was wealthy when Lori was said to be a spoiled child who was given anything she wanted. The hitch in Lori's childhood, however, was that there was somewhat of a subconscious battle between her parents for who would be the bigger influence. But it must be said that both influences were absolutely fucking terrible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
Lori's mother, Janice, for example, was essentially a vapid trophy wife obsessed with being beautiful and staying thin. Totally surface-level stuff. And she attempted to shape Lori Vallow in that same image. See, Lori was somewhat of a chubby kid, so when she was in sixth grade, her mother put her on a strict diet so Lori could be put on the cheerleader track.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
And when Janice Cox was the coach for Lori's childhood softball team, Janice would make fun of Lori's weight in front of the other girls. As such, by the time Lori was in high school, she had finally met her mother's expectations. She had indeed lost weight and she had indeed become a cheerleader. She kind of morphed herself into a sort of like friendly and popular Barbie doll type.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
It's fucked up because softball is like the one sport fat people can play.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 610: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part II - Ticking Time Bomb
But it also must be noted that even though Laurie's family leaned more towards the secular in their lifestyle, Laurie was also a committed Mormon who attended LDS seminary classes every morning before school, drinking in the indoctrination at every opportunity. But by Lori's senior year, she had begun bleaching her hair blonde. Lori's not a natural, surprise, surprise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Very Jewish movie. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I know a little bit. I remember y'all had some weird beef when we were back at the creek.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I remember you guys always yelling at him, and I remember seeing a couple videos at the old live shows and stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
That's his actual skill. Yeah. That is less than $10 a commandment.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, it's like when you pretend to be a god, it's like a bad thing or something. It's just hard to keep up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
At least? Yeah. Didn't they kill like a senator or something?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I listened to the whole thing once, just out of sheer curiosity, and it was depressing. No, I've listened to it multiple times. I have it on vinyl.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
This is like Taylor. The Bible wasn't going well for Rael, so he's got Rael's version.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
That goes over well in Jerusalem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, they love that over there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
It's not too serious. You don't have to fast or anything.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
He was born, he didn't mean the blood moon eclipse, he meant the blood moon eclair of Chicago.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Even like on top of the wall.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yes! Get rid of it. Yes! That's easy to do. Also, lambs aren't beasts. No, they're animals. Goats are, you know, maybe. Goats are beasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What rough beast. Even, like, a sheep isn't a beast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
You should definitely get it sent to the P.O. Box.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're more expensive than it's actually worth.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Kelly Patrick was a bishop, correct? Yes. That's more progressive than the Catholic Church. It is. I know. I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
It's because they're real into Baja Blast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I mean, he looks like... Dude, this is before Baja Blast.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Last minute fucking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
That's how it felt. First, they started to roll him back into the ocean, and they're like, no, no, it's raining.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
But what are we talking like 20, 100, 100?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I'm very excited. This is going to be great for me, by the way. Yeah, dude. I actually do appreciate this because I need all the references.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Who the hell is going to believe that he's a senator?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Yeah, the Iron Dome would have blown it out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
That's where they had a shower.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Okay. It's just a sanctuary. Sanctuary. That's because he looks like Quasimodo.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I'm Ed Larson. I'm super excited for the new show. This is going to help me out. I feel like I'm fucking a decade behind you all, and so I need this personally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
I've gone from double D to double E. We can see more than just the light at the end of the tunnel.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Hold on, is he the guy who let the dogs out? He actually, he might.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Can I ask a quick question? Of course. How many followers did he have?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh! I want to say. What are we even talking about?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Oh, my God. Yeah. Again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Imagine someone with a colostomy bag trying to stop you from doing a crime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 1 - Lord RayEl Revisited
Secret society coming out just to be like, this guy's not part of us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, people with no reason to lie. Yeah. People who don't want a ghost in their neighborhood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
But Daily Mirror, they're not really credible, right? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And why would they say it to this stranger and nobody else? Yeah, why would they choose that moment? That fucking greaseball showing up in a goddamn limousine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It's a fun car. These are spoons. You should see my jacket.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I wish it was dirty. It's really weird.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, a daughter of a hemorrhage in a chair in the living room. It seems weird that a ghost would know all that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
How would she, but is there a chance like a neighbor told her or something like that? She was like a little girl. Were they still getting his mail? It's like a non, you know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It's fucking 420 on the clock. No, but this is the kind of information you only get from an audio engineer. It's true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And they kept the knives, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
The thing that makes me a skeptic about this is also what makes me believe it in a weird way is that the fact that no one really would see it happen. You know, like whenever like when his son came in and had to like look at the wall while talking to Bill and stuff like that. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
And like, or like, you know, it would go into the, as soon as Janet went in the room, she'd fly around and no one was in there and they couldn't open the door and stuff. That makes me think, oh, this isn't true. But then the other side of me is like, if this is a fucking poltergeist torturing this girl, what a better way to torture somebody than to only do it when no one else is around.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Is it Bill Wilkinson?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, I've seen it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It's fucking impossible. I don't care how athletic she is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yes. See, that was what I was kept thinking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, they're extraordinarily broke.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
He would just show up at 7 p.m. and then sit around until the morning, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, yeah. It's been a while, though, so give me a refresher.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I got so many questions about them, but I'm just going to wait.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
So Bill Wilkinson's followed her? Or is it like the weird entity? Whatever it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
This is everyone's favorite barking ghost. Oh, oh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It's been his whole life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
I saw the first two episodes. I was like, before I go into all these things as a total skeptic. Sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
He had theater training where they like sat down and they were like, Henry, this is a British accent.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, it's not just that. I feel like Janet herself, if she was out to make money off of this shit, would have become a ghost hunter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
A cop saw a chair fly. Menarche is everywhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It is. Yeah. That's the thing. So he gets the part.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Do you think the motorcycle accident could have been suicide?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Exactly what you'd want him to look like.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Yeah, it looks like he's about to find the jewel of the Nile.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
No wonder they wanted to conquer the entire world just to get the fuck out of there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
He seemed strong, too. He was a big guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
Crazy psychic. Can. Look at a can. Hiney, maybe? No, that's a little too... Oiny! Well, yeah, they had like ventriloquists come in and magicians come in. They were really trying to figure out if Janet was lying or not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It's a good ghost voice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 2 - Enfield Poltergeist Strikes Back
It's very deep, though. It definitely doesn't seem like something a little girl could recreate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Archie Bunker? He's Archie Bunker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Bye.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
It's in my office.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Fucking Christ.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Did they do the Spider-Man green armor one? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Spider-Man green armor? When he had green armor. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Pedophile Spider-Man?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
Jesus Christ Superstar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 614: Pyromania
Probable cause. Probable cause Ed Larson here with the picnic basket defense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 614: Pyromania
that wildfires could be as bad elsewhere as they are here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 614: Pyromania
Yeah, bonfires are different than just like, hey, I want to set that thing on fire and let's go set that thing on fire.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 614: Pyromania
That man was Old British Smelling. Who's the gangrene.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 614: Pyromania
I understand. I also got to say, British pornography is horrible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
There's no place to escape to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Part two.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, all right. You get your tickets next week. All right, we'll keep moving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I really like Batavia because it's a good artificial sweetener.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What do we know about scurvy? Like once it sets in, like, can you get better from it or are you fucked like rabies?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, man. Gotta get them vitamin C pills for everybody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
In like a weird way, like it's almost good if people die because then they don't have to pay them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And the Brits, they would, like, bring citrus with them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, it's wild. Just sitting in that beach, the whole thing, it's very dangerous. In fact, it's intense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You know, it's that whole lesson where it's like never get too drunk at an open bar you're not paying for.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, you spank me, you big fucking bitch. I feel like I did.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Cartoon mouse stuck in a whiskey bottle.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's a big hole.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Pirates of the... I know, but I Googled what movies have the Dutch West Indies company in it. They're like Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest. I was like, all right, I'll watch that. That seems like fun. I like Johnny Depp. And then I put it on. It's fucking British. It's pretty bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's a bad movie. Yeah, Google's broken. Yeah, but the Kraken's fucking rock and roll. It's very cool, yeah. I love the Kraken. We should do an episode on the Kraken. Should we stop? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Also, this might be a stupid question, but who takes over if he has to kill the captain? Probably the boatswain. Okay, yes. We'll get to him in a bit. All right, great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You ever been canoed on a canoe?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What's a mutinous quality? Like, bestiality? Well, if you...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Whose name was also Latrina. Yeah, it used to be shit house. Good change. Good change. Now, also the thing about the latrines were they couldn't use them whenever they wanted. No. So they only had like a half hour a day to go fucking shit and piss. The soldiers, at least.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Can I go on the ship, Marcus? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
No. I want to be on the ship.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Who didn't wash the room?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The term sleuths. Almost every word in this episode, including Euronymous, is hard to deal with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Whatever we don't eat, we'll use as lube. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It really helps me take the ore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It was a lot of fun, but the late show guests just kept repeating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Forfeits!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
What secrets could they possibly have? They're all raping each other in front of each other.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Anything. When I was working at the poorhouse in a restaurant in New York City, they would literally chew through the brick walls and through like, you know, like kitchens are lined with metal. Yeah. You know, they would chew through that and then we would have to like fill it with like those like metal like scrubbies. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
We used to call them space pussies because you open them up and it's like a metal little vagina. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That's real fun. Yeah. We'd stick those in the wall and then we'd caulk that up and then eat through that fucking shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yes, I love to eat your teeth. Thank you so much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It's bad luck to have ladies on a boat. Well, it's not really bad luck as much as you can't trust the men.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
That wouldn't happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Honestly, it is like the worst place to be hot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
He would have been great, the guy, the coach from Major League. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I mean, they're just straight up killing people and stabbing their hands to the mast. Like, what could the torture for this be that everyone's scared of it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Man, I bet like an afterwards, like, you know, some guy screaming for days. I imagine they just beat the shit out of him at some point.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Also, like, barnacle are fucking crazy sharp. Yeah. I remember one time, like, I saw a guy, like, fall off, like, a pier type of thing. Everyone was out there fishing and shit. And then when he tried to get back on, he scraped his hand on the barnacle and it fucking sliced it open. Like, fucking, you could see the bone and shit. It was fucking wild.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And if I find one herpy that did not come from me. I know mine. I know mine. Because they all got names.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
No one would have thought any different.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yahoo Sirius is a fucking surgeon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I just wanted to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
sucking in air like literally like i'm not dead yet i'm gonna get this shit to fucking jakarta if it kills me or not it's crazy because like we all know that pelsart's a bitch but like these guys are like scared to kill him somehow so much that even when he gets better they attack the woman yes
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Why was it called the Roaring Forties? Because of the latitude? Yeah, exactly. Good job. Way to go.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. I'm glad we have this show for you to talk to me about this stuff. Because if you do it outside of here, I'm going to have to beat you up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
It is wild how, like, close did we get to Brazil.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They didn't hang that loosey.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. And then the whole thing where he like loaded the whole boat full of rats before the...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm an anonymous man, no one will remember me!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I know one. Bumps at sea and then just jumped up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, there's lots of Jakobs and Euronymouses. All the names are so close to the other one's name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, but we're in Australia, though, so it could be a footy field. Yeah, thank you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Now I'm fucked. Now you've made me into an idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I just went... When we went to Australia, I went to a footy game.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I took in some gross culture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I mean, that's his fucking job.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The Danny Trejo of the group. Oh, he's correct.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm talking about a womb. All these guys there on this womb-shaped island, there's going to be too many womb-mates. That's what I'm saying. There's going to be no womb for them to hang out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
They didn't know what a fucking pear was. Yeah, they never saw a pear, but they have torn the womb out of a woman. That is true.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Also, whenever I hear Euronymous, I feel like it should be yelled like, Euronymous!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And they're drunk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Listen, I'll be right back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, I was going to go to Indonesia real quick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, you all play it cool. I'll be back in a month, and if I'm not back by then, we're all dead. Rape and eat each other. Yeah, you're all dead anyway.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, and that water wasn't great to begin with.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah, you could eat worms. Yeah, you could eat the worms.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hold on, one more kiss.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
The longboat, I want to ask a question about the longboat before we... It's just like a giant, like, there's no, like, shelter. As far as I... You're out in the elements.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Can I do one real quick? I'm getting too old for this shit. Yeah, it's even getting old to say it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I could only imagine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You know what else I find to be very cool about this whole story is that the Batavia itself crashes into the coral and then, you know, inevitably will sink into the coral and then become coral itself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Oh, fuck. We missed it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Is it the Maritime Museum in Sydney? No.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Because I almost went and I didn't. I would have been mad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm looking at the map the whole time you're telling the story. And so, like, it looks like the reef is, like, around Perth. Right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Yeah. Also, I want to give a quick congratulations to Henry and I for not making one semen joke, not one tarred rope. Not one. Not one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Dallas, baby. We're coming to Dallas February 22nd. That's going to be amazing at the CU Theater. I can't wait. It's actually in Grand Prairie, Texas. But yeah, we're going to do that. And then we've got a whole other bunch of shows coming down the pipe. We're going to be Nashville, Toronto. We're doing Detroit. There are going to be some other announcements coming soon.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
And if you watch us on Patreon, you can see the wonderful map that's behind Marcus when you watch the show that you're listening to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I haven't seen him. He's like a little gargoyle in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Hey, tell her to pencil it in. You pay me, I'll do it. Noted, noted, noted.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Wow, it's more annoying somehow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I'm so sick of Henry's bullshit, man. It's so fucking sick, man. I puked out my penis.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Did you know the flotilla is back at Taco Bell? Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
You should really just treat me a little more respectfully. Yeah?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
Okay, well, the crew's watching.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I can't argue there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
I mean, I think I won the fight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
One wore blue and one wore gray as they marched along the way. A fife and drum began to play on a beautiful morning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Oh, yeah, yeah. Two brothers. I've been listening. It's been fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I just realized American Brutus makes sense on multiple levels because his dad's middle name is Brutus, and obviously Brutus turned his back on Caesar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
A two, Henry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
You would have done great on Twitter.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Someone give me a fish.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I mean, 2,800 performances. How do you remember all those lines? You don't. Yeah, you break and talk to the audience a little bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
That was like when you had dinner with Penn Jillette. Yes, he did that to me. I ordered steak frites, and he chastised me for it. Really? Yeah, it was midnight. I mean, maybe it was an annoying order for the kitchen, but he was more upset about the cow. Yeah. It's just like, yell at the kitchen, dude. I didn't fucking kill the cow, dude. Live your life.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
He certainly, he was a magician, but he certainly made all the fun disappear. Ooh, the funny. He also told me that Robin Williams didn't commit suicide, that it was autoerotic asphyxiation. I'm like, I just met you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. My boy. My boy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I recently learned that Kentucky never really joined the Confederacy, even though they're below the Mason-Dixon line.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
You identify as a New Yorker.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
This whole episode is going to be filled with things that could be their own episodes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Yeah, that's fun.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Let's make him have dinner with Penn Jillette. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Philadelphia freedom. Less time than Lori Vallow. Wow. Yep.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
When did the North – we might not know the answer to this, but when did the North decide slavery was bad? Because obviously they had it in the beginning of the country.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
It's like liberals that drive a cyber truck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
She's too high. She's too high.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Oh, just shit all over the side. No one will notice more mud. Hey, don't look at me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Was it dysentery? Actually, no. Cholera? Dropsy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
And he didn't even have the courage to finish you off.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Oh, no, Irish people were not. And the Italians, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
And the Germans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I guess if you weren't British.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Perfect.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Fly from your grave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
And to this day, he's considered the worst actor because the Booth Theater on Broadway is named after Edwin, not John Wilkes or Julius. Well, he's the good, but he was the good actor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
He didn't get away.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Jack Nicholson. Old drippy dick himself. James Woods.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
As far as, yes, as far as generals go. That's all, Matt. I'm not saying he was a great guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Then may I borrow one of your wool socks for my crotch?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Was it just him improv-ing for two days?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
You look over here. Come here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
So he didn't fight in the Civil War because of his mommy?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I mean, even the way he killed Lincoln was cowardly. He shot him in the back when he wasn't paying attention. Exactly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Why is everyone going to have rules? I mean, how else are you going to manage the stage, I guess? Yeah, you got to make sure it's at gunpoint.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Okay. So he would have been a better director than an actor.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Well, he's won Oscars for directing. He's never been nominated for acting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Man, when's the last time you saw Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
So he really just beat the shit out of the other guys.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I mean, if that's where all the cotton's coming from, the price goes up, it's going to affect the North, sure. But, you know, at the end of the day, fucking slavery. Yeah, exactly. You'll have employees. You know what's a good, another fun little fact about this election? Stephen Douglas, the guy who Lincoln ran against, he was with Mary Todd before Lincoln.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
And Lincoln fucking stole her and then won the election. Whoa.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Send your wives.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
It already sounds like badass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
And how long were the battles? I know they lasted days, but the fight couldn't have lasted more than a couple of minutes, right? How long can a person fight to the death?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Yeah. If it smells like cheese, you got to cut off the limb. That's what they say.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
You know, I'm starting to think they're not that lucky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
But it's also like, you know, how people like Schwarzenegger, you know, he's an action star, you know, but it's like, he's not, you know, Liam Neeson's the only guy who can do both.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Arnold Schwarzenegger? What are you talking about?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Oh, yeah. Kindergarten cop. He was great in those.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I like Arnold Schwarzenegger as an actor. I think he's a funny guy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
It was the first time in my whole life I was like, fuck bread.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
But that's the only thing I have. My dad used to say that one, too. I think that's a Northeast thing. What is that from? Just like old man limericks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Was it someone really ugly? I imagine an ugly boy. No. Oglolino.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Oh, uglino.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I feel like John Brown could have been, he deserves his own episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Harper's Ferry deserves its own episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
And then the fucking New York draft riots.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
We got Atlanta in June, Salt Lake City July, Charlotte and Durham in August, St. Paul in September, Milwaukee and Oakland in October, Cleveland in November, and two shows in Portland in December. Come see us live.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
I'm there for the burgers. Yeah, I love Cleveland. They got really good burgers in Cleveland. That's what I hear anyway. I've never been to Cleveland, but I hear about good burgers and Cleveland's got a good reputation for burgers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
And we promise not to die like John Wilkes Booth's brother on that cruise.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Really?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Oh, yeah. We had a song that we used to always sing. As I sit in my cell with my fingers dipped in shit and the shadow of my ding dong on the wall. As the prisoners pass are shoving peanuts in my ass and the guards are playing ping pong with my balls. Yeehaw!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
He would have been the most annoying kidnap victim because he just would have kept telling stories the whole time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
We went to Kentucky, but I turned into Ken Fucky.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
Yeah, there's a lot of people who still just like it. Yeah. Unfortunately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Would you say that death row is safer than general population?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
I gotta ask is, I guess it's kind of a weird thing to ask someone because obviously the worst thing that could happen to anyone other than being the victim of crime is being wrongfully in prison for one. And, uh, But where do you see yourself if this never happens? Are you a better person because of this, like now? Are you a better person now than you think you would have been? Absolutely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
He might have skipped it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Me neither.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yes. Yes. Now, one of the things I learned, I've had many long conversations with Jason Flom, who also works with the Innocence Project. And the one thing that I learned from him about Death Row that stuck with me is that it is suspected that one out of 20 people on Death Row is innocent. Right. Did you know anyone else on Death Row that you thought might have been innocent?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Now, did they ever find out? We know that Damien is proven innocent. Did they ever find out who did this?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
That's amazing. Thank you, Laurie, for all that you do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Do you have, obviously you can't reveal anything, but do you have a good idea who you think might've been responsible for this crime?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
You don't definitely don't have to give any names, but like, do you think, you know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
If you want, we can talk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Do you still write letters or do you move on to email?
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
That's right. Live, baby. We're coming to Brooklyn next week. I can't wait. King's Theater, one of the coolest venues in America. It's going to be amazing. That's going to be December 7th in Brooklyn at the King's Theater. Come hang out with us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Eye contact.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Hail Damien Echols. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yeah. Do you remember that movie, The Bear, where they just follow the bear around and it's cubs and stuff? Yeah, yeah. That's the last time I watched something where I was like, I wish that was me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
I will say, snapping turtles look very satanic. They do. They're very evil. They're very scary. They're very scary.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
The part that tripped me out the most was the stuff with the knife. When the prosecution basically said that this was the knife they used and they found it, but we all know that that knife was tossed in a lake a month before the murders even took place.
Last Podcast On The Left
Life After Death: An Interview with Damien Echols & Lorri Davis
Yeah, Satanists have very cold tops of their fingers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
You could be killing someone and still make them laugh.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Oh, how nice. I didn't know he was into this stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I saw one of my great aunt for the first time. I saw her when I was a child, and I saw her again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Horrible. I remember I saw her. I hadn't seen her in 20 years. I show up, and the first thing, you got fat. Right out the gate. As soon as I walked in the door, I was like, I've always been fat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
And U571 is Harrison Ford. Yeah, the bad one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, hello. Two thumbs down, you idiots.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I feel better now. You're right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
man my regular dream was you'll be ready for this i was i'm in africa on the beach and then an orca beaches itself and i'm trying to push it back into the water and i'm there with another guy who's like a soldier or something and then the orca rips his arm off and then like and then starts like thrashing around and the dude dies bleeding screaming on the beach is this real yeah this is real i've had this dream more than once yeah really yeah and then i don't know what you
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Well, it had nothing to do with it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
So anyway, there's a button. So then I look at, I don't know what to do. So I take the guy's gun and I can't get the orca back in the water. So I just shoot the orca in the head, you know, and then I look down the beach and the beach is just like 20 more orcas. And so I just got to walk down the beach and shoot each orca in the head. You know, it's sad, but you know, things happen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, but they die in my dreams, but most of them live in real life. Unless they're captured. We don't need to do that episode again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I mean, it's going so well that I'm using the hotspot on my phone. You're coming in nicely though. It's nice though with the bedbugs, you know, I'm not sleeping alone tonight. So it's good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yes. And if Limp Bizkit were carpenters, they could change their song to thick stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Knock. Ask. Yeah. I'm going to investigate, dude. But you know the kids died there. Of course you have those feelings. Well, no. They said that he did not know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I mean, you get to stay, who goes there? And all that stuff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
No, she left the haunted house like 20 years ago. We can go to that house and tell them it's haunted whenever we want. We should. That one's in Linden.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah. Well, yeah, that's a good thing to do to just anybody. I'd probably do it at the Ramada tonight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah. If it's not you, duck. All right. I got a story. Marcus sent me this one. It's very sweet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Getting a television job? Being in charge of public? All right. It's called Audience. Audience. It's called Audience. By... The audience. Ron... And we live for the applause. Oh, that's a great song. Ron MacGillivray. Thank you, Mac. Ron MacVoteGillivray for sending this. All right. I had recently moved to New York, and I was taking the subway back home.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
It was just me, this homeless man next to me, and a bunch of other people around my area. Everything was pretty peaceful, so I decided to distract myself by taking out my phone and opening Twitter. No! As I was scrolling down the page, the homeless guy next to me moved forward, leaned in and said, my name's Terry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I ignored him. Started checking my news feed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
That was my big tag phrase. He started again. No, really. I was. It was avant-garde. We would walk around town and act out these little plays in public. Some people ignored it, but there were always others who paid attention and loved it. You never, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
That's right. Even if there was nobody.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I surprisingly wasn't sad about it. Anyway, I was sad. I didn't answer. I tried to use my silence to tell him to leave me alone, but he kept talking.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
yeah it was pretty great we'd act like morons give speeches and just having fun acting out little scenes wherever we felt like it we were doing it for ourselves that's what you thought no this is not fair then we kept doing it even when we were alone We just always felt like somebody was watching. We really realized we were playing it all out in front of a real audience.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
We started hearing them around us.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I was listening to him, if only to know what was going through this crazy person's head. He looked up at me, and this crazed look came into his eyes. We could hear the real audience. The one we knew we were playing for all along. So we changed the show. Maybe it was more edgy, you know, exciting.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Flip over. Do you think that he could yell while sucking dick? Because he's one of the great yellers of all time. Come on, man! Come on, man!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Now, I was fully listening to this guy's story, but when I turned to look at him, his hand was deep in his pants. Shocked, I turned to the other people on the train with me, but they were ignoring it. One woman in a suit shrugged her shoulders as if saying...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
sorry your problem i had never hated someone as much as i did in that moment oh whatever man he's just trying to make it he's a comedian the pervert next to me continued yeah anything man we started like really hurting people you know
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, well, the whole show shifted when we first killed someone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Oh, my God. Oh, man. He really did end his life like Old Yeller, except, you know, the bullet was shot by his pacemaker. Come on. Jesus Christ.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
The first time, it was an accident. But the audience loved it, man. They cleaned it all up. Almost licked it clean. Now we had to give them what they wanted. We started killing more people. Doing awful things to them. He still had his hands in his pants when he said it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
and then he began to pant loudly ah ah ah ah yeah we did whatever we wanted man whatever we desired we catch people alone and devour them use them and the audience cleaned it up nothing could touch us we were primal like animals totally free we've killed kids animals There's so much pent up in us. It was like a breath of fresh air letting it all out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
His hand was out of his pants as soon as he stopped talking and he grabbed me by the neck. He forced me to get some hand sanitizer. He forced me to turn to his dirty face and I was too terrified to fight back at all. He looked deep into my eyes and smiled widely. That was when the train started slowing down.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
It wasn't screeching to a halt, just slowing, like time itself was stopping outside the window. I stared at the people around me, yet somehow didn't notice. The homeless man's face went blank then, and he let me go. I breathed a sigh of relief, and he got up and said to no one in particular, "'No, guys!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Then the train started to speed up, but not by much. Time seemed to be shifting back to normal, but we were still in the tunnel. I looked back to the homeless man as he walked casually to the doors. It took a moment to explain to myself what was happening. Then I stared in other shock as every person that had been around me got up and moved down to the same doors.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
They stared at me with bored looks and a couple of them smirked with pure malice in their eyes. Then the same businesswoman who had shrugged said, Sorry folks, really, show's over. Terry said to leave her. Then from all around me came sighs. From every direction and every place came disappointed, resigned sighs. I looked around wildly for loudspeakers or microphones, but I found none.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
The voices were coming from no one, yet I could feel them all around me. Then time shifted abruptly back to normal, and the train pulled into the station. I was hyperventilating, not able to piece together the train of events. The group shuffled out of the station, and Terry said to the group, pointing to a teenager going up the escalator to the exit, There! He's perfect!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Oh, Marcus, I got you your jumbo shrimp shirt. Hey, two, three, four.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
He didn't like her. She wasn't good enough. And the entire group of people followed him out of the station towards the boy as the sounds of claps and hollers that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere echoed through the station.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Schizophrenia should be our new sketch group name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
And he used to just... That's so cool, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, Yorkies are very small. Also, some people have an extra freezer that's just a freezer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
If it was hit by a train, don't put it in the freezer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah. Goddamn automatic hammers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Hold on a second. Marcus, are you an actor?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Is it like what? Is it like it's a ghost dog? No, it's a ghost man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Is that there's a dead dog in the freezer and she still thinks it's a man ghost.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, man, all bosses are pieces of shit that suck and shouldn't exist. Yeah, fuck your boss. Fuck all bosses. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
It really is. Because people love it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
And we released our schedule for the rest of the year. So go to lastpodcastsontheleft.com and check out all the shows we got coming up. Of course, we're coming to Detroit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Do you know what the hidden tragedy of 9-11 is? What? Never forget used to belong to the elephants.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
I am in Panama city with Amber Nelson. She jumped on just for the Panama city tour. She was just there for spring break. I don't know why, but so she's doing the shows in Panama. She's trying to get herself a young buck. And then Sunday in Tallahassee with Danny Bedrosian is almost sold out. So make sure you check it out. But more importantly, last podcast on the left added a shit ton of shows.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
And we're coming to you starting after we're going Detroit, Toronto, Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Charlotte, Durham, St. Paul, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Oakland, Cleveland, and Portland for two nights. Go to our website and check that out and get tickets. It's going to be a great year. The Ryman was awesome, man. I had such a good time. It was so fucking great. The Ryman was incredible.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Also, you're not doing anything. Name the horse. You're just trotting through the desert. You got nothing to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Steve! Nay. Eddie, write it down!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Spies should not have names. It's bad for them. But they start with names.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, that camel poem must have really fucking sucked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance
Yeah, you can see that performed whenever we see Moody Blues in hell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
She's going to frame these children for crimes later, leaving their DNA at the scene. I don't know. Oh my God. It seems suspicious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
Well, you're both doing great. We're doing our best.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
It was so convincing. They're going to close up all their little crystal shops in Los Angeles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
I'm going to just go out on a limb here and say, I don't like it. Honestly,
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
And you don't have to learn Latin or whatever. So that's good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Strange Customs: An Interview with Sasha Sagan
It's mainly just one guy who's kind of controlling that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Came from somebody else. It could just be, like, a fucked up rock.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
That people keep missing the first baseman, and then they miss the second baseman, and he just keeps going.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
You know, people always complain when people put their dog on a hang glider or take it scuba diving. It's not worse than this. I don't think that's good either.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I saw this golden retriever paragliding the other day, and I was like, that dog's happy as fuck.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
She couldn't handle it. Carmi's not made for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I think it was CTE from being a receiver.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Hey, how you doing? I am ready to learn whatever Henry throws at me. But I am a little upset that you feel like you couldn't hold your concentration during a fart. I will.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Yes. And we've gotten up close to it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
First time we've ever noticed it. It could have been there before then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
It's just hard to graduate high school at 2.0. It's all about what's real and what's not real.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Yeah, it doesn't look like a friendly alien ship, I'll tell you that much.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Now, I don't want to throw you off. And if this does, just shoot me down and we can move on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Four billion years old. Sure. Okay? Dinosaurs, 65 million. So we could have had full-on civilizations, not necessarily human, but other kind of creatures that could have lived on Earth at some point. You were getting into Graham Hancock territory. Yeah. So if everything on Earth from that is sunken into the Earth and turned back into magma because of time. Magma. Yes. This is sitting in space.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
This could be something from an ancient civilization. Dude. Yeah. Yeah, fucker. Yeah, you fucking idiot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
What if... Humans. I know we always say that humans could be aliens, but what if we're half alien, half Neanderthal? This is what... Eddie's got it right there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Exactly. That's all we need you to do.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I know some people say that asking questions can lead to misinformation, but I'm willing to give that a shot.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Yeah, she got convicted in this fake reality. And Warwick Willow is her lawyer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I was going to ask. Thank you. But I didn't want to. I was like, if he's moving past it, I'm just going to leave it. No, we're back.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
He was too precious. Edison was probably just like a better hang.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Or it could have been... Aliens. Black Knight Satellite. Now, how does something bounce off of Jupiter?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Back where you belong. Where I feel comfortable. The picture we were seeing of the Black Knight satellite, is that the only picture that exists?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Like the big fucking... There's giant telescopes all over Earth. We haven't been able to spot this thing once.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
You're out there. You're an astronaut. You're orbiting space. You're looking for shit. Take a fucking picture. I know, like, if we don't, we miss an alien because, like, holy shit, that's an alien. You know, we don't take a picture. You're out. That's what you're doing. You're out there patrolling space. Take the fucking picture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
See, I thought you were saying, go night swimming, get finger banged to Satellite. I don't know what night swimming is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
An astronaut is telling me about how his daughter died. Show me pictures.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
For sure. But we're also like we're currently cruising out there all the fucking time. You know, Katy Perry and Gayle King got back this morning. They should have stayed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
there you go we're gonna get sued also what cracks me up is I watch the morning show and like when I was watching the morning show and I was like this show is fucking jump the shark is when they sent Reese Witherspoon to space and now it just happened and now it just happened I'm like oh so I'm actually a fucking idiot because I thought that was ridiculous nope no no no again I say just let him keep going send another blaster
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
That's not a finger bang song. That's a finger massage song.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I think if an astronaut goes up there, sees some shit, and comes back and tells us, that makes him a bad astronaut. Yeah, keep it to yourself. All right? Because that's your one job. You're working for the government. You're up there finding secrets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
It's like a slow insert. You've never done a slow dip? That's what I call it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Oh, okay. Yeah, I was going to say, because when you say finger bang.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
You know, that's like. Yeah, I'm fucking digging tunnels. No matter what I'm doing, I'm doing it romantic. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Well, the word bang, there's no romance in bang. Sometimes you get screwed up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Where do they think Atlantis is? Uh, south.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I mean, Enzo is definitely listening. He's an 11-year-old that came to my show in Panama City. He definitely listens.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Kandinsky. Kandinsky. He's an artist. Oh, okay. I thought it was a thing. No. Nope.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Oh, okay, so it's probably the blanket.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
The satellites don't even work anymore.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
A single spatula, yeah. Was lost. Oh, yeah. Sounds like someone did something they should have done and fucking hid that shit. That's my thing. I just throw that spatula. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's evidence.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Why would you not shoot it into space?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
And then China started launching shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
And now we got like fucking billionaires launching shit. So Lord knows what they got up there. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
We're all spying on each other all the time.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I'm still thinking about it. I can't get a straight answer out of Henry anytime.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I think that's great. I mean, I love knowing about it, but it does seem like a blanket now that we're really talking about it. It's probably a blanket.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
It's got a blanket aspect to it. When you zoom out, it looks like a rock. But yeah, when you get in there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Honestly, I hope I get to a point where I learn about every single fucking alien thing that's coming. And it feels good. I'm glad we're doing this right before Contact in the Desert. Yes. Because we're going there, and it's always good to know a little bit more so I can ask questions whenever I'm talking to these people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
That's right. Next show we're doing is going to be Toronto, but that's already sold out on May 3rd. It's already sold out. So make sure, if you can't go to that, we've got Atlanta in June, Salt Lake City. My first time doing a big outdoor show. I'm very excited for that. It's going to be interesting. That's going to be in July. We basically do one a month, except for in August we're doing two.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
We're doing Durham and Charlotte. And then we're going to keep coming. We've got cities booked once a month for the whole rest of the year, twice a month.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Also, Invasive Species is going to be real soon, right? I'm going straight from Toronto right down to Florida. I'm going to do my second leg of this tour. It's going to be amazing. I got Naples on the 6th. With Henry, I'm going to be in Fort Lauderdale on the 7th. And then on the 8th, Henry and I are going to be in Orlando at the Funny Bone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
And then I'm doing that full weekend in Key West, which is going to be a fucking blast. I don't know if people go to Key West anymore. I fucking love that place. It could wash away at any moment. So this might be your last time to go. It's the only way. Yeah. And then make sure you come see us in May at Contact in the Desert, which is the last day of May and then the first two days of June.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
That's going to be a fucking blast. It's like a goddamn cruise ship. I can't wait. We're all talking about it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
This whole fucking year is booked. Booked. solid thank you henry this was so nice yes thank you i appreciate you like taking time and doing it because i feel like the alien stuff has been slept on lately and it's such a major part of the show and uh thank you for that we're bringing it back yeah i don't care what anybody says with your goon shirt how is your gooning going poor yeah
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
But it's not made out of, like, linen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
It's a fire retardant blanket. Oh, you're just trying to say the word.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
You never dealt with that? Oh, with the reggaeton? He's just really bad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
Independence Day is only three years old.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
But Pluto was a planet, and then they took its rights away as a planet and then gave them back. Exactly. It's re-a-planet again. No, it's not. Oh, it's not. It is not a planet. It's not a planet. Absolutely not. So it's my very energetic mother gave us nine. Yep. Exactly. What?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
The song or bells jingling? Bells jingling.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 617: The Black Knight Satellite
I'm definitely fond of the dog version.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It really was. I remember my drama teacher junior year pulled me aside and said, you are keeping me away from having a clean drama department.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
You know, I don't think they did it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
The kids? No, the ghosts. I think they're innocent. This ghost slander has gone too far. That means that the kids did it. Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I don't remember.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Well, back then, this is like the first time this really happened. No one thought anyone would really do anything like this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It was. And the University of Texas, of course.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah. You know, that's my opinion.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, your Patty Hearst, your Batavias.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, that was very popular.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I've been more excited for anything, to be honest with you. Yeah? Yeah, this is the top banana for me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Also, Columbine's a nice place. Columbine's a very, very nice place. Someone who came from Boca Raton, a lot of people go poor trying to live in these nice places.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, that same thing happened to us. Yeah. I was down the street from Hulk Hogan. Oh, really? Yeah. I had Mike Tyson. Oh, wow.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, he tried to bring tigers. They're like, Mike, you got to get rid of the tigers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, yeah. Lots of headshots. Yeah. That's a little teaser. We got some head shots.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, you're just finally an excuse for my D's.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, and over 700 kids in my class.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Oh, yeah, dude. Man, I used to regularly perform in front of like 1,000 children. I think about that all the time. I used to do the pep rallies. I was like, I would do an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
That's so much worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It is. It's a hard time and you never know when these things are going to happen. And so shout out to Big Henry and in honor of you, Big Henry, we're going to talk about your most favorite thing in the world. Columbine. Yeah. I don't know if it was. It might have been his favorite flower. I don't know. It could have been. If he was there to stop him. If he was the cop on campus. It was 1999.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
That was the halftime show. No. And it was just Crocodile Rock and a bunch of cheerleaders. So Crocodile Rock was like burnt into my head because it was like the first time I saw lots of ladies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Remember the homies? The girls that all started like dyeing their hair orange after James Holmes? Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Also, Boca Raton. Yeah. You know what it is, too, about Marilyn Manson. He's from Boca? He would be there a lot. One of his family members that he spent time with. I used to see him at Borders all the time. He used to be there all day. Yeah, he would just sit there. I remember my buddy went up to him and just been like, hey, you Marilyn Manson? And he's like, full Marilyn Manson.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And he's like, oh, yeah. No, he was just like, no. And then he's like, you're Marilyn Manson. And he's just like, no, I'm not. Yeah, yeah, don't look at me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Okay. Hey, I'm sold. That really, that is a good hit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
No cops on campus. We did. We had them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
You can't kill what doesn't exist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I actually don't think he is. He's out of prison. He shot a president. He's fine. Cancel culture.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, the middle of the keyboard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
How is this episode so funny?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
You dream in the past? Yeah. That's great. That's never happened to me. I've never been like, oh, look, it's 1952. You know, that's crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I'm always tripping and falling, and I wake up, and I'm falling.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, lots of hats, but they're all covered in shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Let's not do this here, Marcus.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, I like to watch him live when he's in the dress. Do you like Alice in Chains?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Well, I mean, the first three albums.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I'm more Soundgarden than Mudhoney.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Dude, I fucking love Cole Chamber back in the day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Oh, fuck. I remember the bass player was very attractive. Dude, this is a fucking elder millennial zone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Oh, I loved it. Really fun, yeah. You know what really turned me on? I saw them on the second stage at Ozzfest. It was a very dangerous mosh pit. One of the most dangerous I ever saw. There was a skinhead with a knife between his fingers, and he was slicing people up. And then some big-ass dude just came by and clocked him and knocked him unconscious. It was wild.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Crocodile Rock. Oh, that's a good one. I mean, it's, yeah. Yeah, that's a good one to get stuck in your head. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember when we were young. Yeah, yeah. I always think of NFL Rocks, which is this VHS I had when I was a kid, and it was basically just big hits and touchdowns, and it was like a two-hour music video. And they used Crocodile Rock?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
We have lost the plot here. We got to get back. These guys loved cold chambers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I had a when I worked at the village poorhouse at a bartender that looked exactly like Casey Anthony when she was going out drinking all the time. And the picture started showing up. And then I was like, oh, my God, Meredith, what are you doing in Florida?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And then just like, oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
poor house one day we're talking about 420 and i'm like oh you know like the thing about 420 is you know in columbine all the kids who smoke weed they all survive because they skip school yeah and then one of the bartenders ran to the bathroom crying i was like what happened they're like she was at columbine her friends died yeah cool thank you i was like i was like i'm sorry sorry
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Because what is really the update to Columbine? I made a bad joke and made a bartender upset.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I'm Ed Larson, and Columbine is bad. You know what?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Can I ask a hypothetical before we go? Sure. Columbine doesn't happen. Do all these other spree shootings happen still? Yes. You think so?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Why is America headed that way? The internet. The internet?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
So who knows? It's probably a mixture of the fucking two.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And going back to what you're saying about the internet and social media having such a big influence on it, one of my best friends in the world, he's a teacher down in his school very close to Parkland, next town over.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And when all that shit went down, it's the next day, he's talking to his students, and they're just, you know, the curriculum goes out the window, and he's just like, you know, what do you think, you know, as students, as peers, like, why do you think stuff like this keeps happening? And every kid in the class said, it's because of social media, it's because of the internet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
I love gators. You know, crocodiles, you're cool too. Don't think I disrespect you, but I'm a gator boy first. But, you know, crocodiles do rock, you know. I don't know what to do about it, you know. I fed a crocodile not too long ago. Maximo. Yeah. Yeah, that fucker ate a rat, dude. He had a couple rats. You know, crocodiles in zoos, they don't, they eat like three rats a week. That's it?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And then he's like, do you think we should get rid of it? And every kid said, no.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Yeah, and you guys did such a good job that nothing like this ever happened again.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
the Columbine massacre we know what happened on 420 in 1999 man that was my second 420 yeah I know it was fucking I was having a great time I skipped school by the way all the all the kids all the stoners left they all skipped school they weren't there but I've skipped school I'm fucking hanging out I'm smoking with my boys and we put on the tv my fucking buzz just got fucking majorly harshed
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Dude, very much so. I was in high school when this happened. I was a junior in high school. I was in student council, actually, when this happened. And I remember them all sitting at the next day when I decided to come back to school and out of my stone stupor. And I remember them all sitting. I must go. The children need my leadership. Honestly, I probably said something very similar.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
17-foot crocodile, that's all they eat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
And I remember they had like we had a two hour meeting with like like cops came in and like they sat down. And this is in Boca Raton, Florida, Boca Raton, Florida. And I remember during our meeting, like they made us we had lunch like in the classroom. And like while we're doing some kid dressed up in a black trench coat, stood up on a in the cafeteria.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It was like, Trish, go move your motherfucker. And then, you know, then he later got his ass kicked by all the black kids. But it was, unfortunately, a stain on the goth community. Of course. And everyone hated the goths for a little while.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
So many lies in this immediately.
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
Gators are bees. Crocodiles are wasps. White Anglo-Saxon Protestants. What?
Last Podcast On The Left
Last Update on the Left - Episode 4 - Columbine Revisited
It was like, oh, this seems like a great opportunity to cancel this.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He's got one of those heads that's as wide as his neck, which is good for swallowing his own bullshit. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And the Mormons, don't they believe Jesus came to America?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Texas. Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Hey, we're here to listen to alternative music. Like that. You just made me cut my pants. He's part of the caffeine-free Pepsi generation.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Did they have normal churches, too? Most likely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
No. Man, that'd be awesome. Oh, yes. That'd be a good way. I think that is equal. 20% Satanists. That is what Salt Lake City is. It really is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That I believe. I don't know about the wizard part.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And it's got lots of muscle in there. It's true. There's lots of going on in there. It's connected to the legs and all that. Yeah, you're right. It needs to be worked.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh! Yeah. Oh, that sounds great.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Even God's like, hey, why don't you get out of here? Hey, leave. You suck. You know that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I mean, when I kill a bunch of bees, I never count them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Sometimes the voice whispered sometimes it shouted sometimes it urged Sometimes it scolded and sometimes it had specific directions or commands But Chad wrote in his memoir that he trusted the voice implicitly and never disobeyed it
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And I said, no, I got to leave room for others. Mine told me to burn down the Zanku chicken who didn't put chicken on my salad. I am so angry.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But I calmed myself. I did not listen to my voices. That's good. My voices made me yell at Eddie about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I took some of our ham and I... And I tore it up and I put it on my salad and made it worse.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Do you think the warmth that he felt was his own urine? Probably. I'm peeing!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
See, when you say near-death experience or NDE, I hear CTE. Brain damage. Which we all know makes you super peaceful and rational.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Who cares if we get invaded if there's only 144,000 people left? It's a massive country.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He looks like Dan Aykroyd from Nothing But Trouble.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How do they hit the street so hard without a cup of coffee?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
What— What corporations do they own? Like, how do they get their $200 billion?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah. So you've contributed.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you got to put little things over your fingertips.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
How would they say about Kendrick Lamar's halftime show? Huge fans.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Because I get it. I always got to call and make sure they got the boob inspector hat. Because I sweat through them so quick.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
My beer bong doesn't have a giant cock on the end of it. Do you have something to fix that for me? I'll pray for you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Four? Near-death experiences. Yeah. That is like, you're clumsy. Who are you, Mr. Bean?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Talk about someone who's seen the other fucking sign. No, I know. Many times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Four near-death experiences, though. It's like, if there is a God, God's trying to kill him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Why do you think the president's a fucking hundred?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's going to be horny.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Joseph Smith had his followers. He's walking across America, and he shows up to Salt Lake City, and he's like, ah... It is Nevada.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Please don't throw that shopping cart in that pool, sir.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He tried to make a Casper.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yes, I've heard of that. They say it in Catholicism.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's interesting that they're so obsessed with the end of the world, and that lake is evaporating, and the gases are going to kill all of them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I get it. Two Ds, like his bra size. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Sure sign of intelligence is when you're at the beach, swim towards the rocks.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Also, almost dying a bunch does not make you strong. What doesn't kill you make you stronger?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
He was real good at cleaning gravestones because he practiced every day when he washed his head. Yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Where was he?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Fucking be on one, man. Put a koozie in it. Sounds like something that stops the apocalypse. A bunch of abortions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You know, I think a river of floating dead children is more apocalyptic than a bunch of aborted fetuses. I would agree. But, you know, that's just me. You're not a writer. I'm not.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now we're making soup. Oh, my God. You ever put one on a flat-top grill, make a Billy cheesesteak?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's funny that there is more slaves in heaven than there was in America. I was surprised, too. When I met a bunch of them, I was like, oh, wow. Oh, I'm in some hot water.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, wow. That's very impressive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Now, when they bury their children in Idaho, do you think they were just fertilizing their potatoes? Yes.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yes. He jumped into a sinkhole and he swam close to rocks. He's not a good swimmer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, my God. Do you think they like the Smiths because of Joseph Smith?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's such a rare name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You'll have to tell me more about that later.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But, you know, we're already running over.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
hold hands this is the fantasies they're talking about too they're not like they're fucking no it's not like it's cool stuff it's like literally being able to like kiss another lady it's are you but also with all the doomsday prepping you bought the gear you know you want to use it yeah the rest of us bike here for shit we do you know and so like we use our stuff immediately but if you're just sitting on it and looking at it you're like when are all these people gonna die like
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
You are prolific.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Is it? The end of the world's supposed to be started by the geysers and Yellowstone. That's one theory.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Imagine the insurance for a near-death experience conference.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Every breath he takes is a near-death experience.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That sounds nice. I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, okay.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, a little bit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
I think so. I think, I feel like, you know, I'm just calling it now. You do you. But I think you're going to be calmer next one. I feel like you really did get some shit out today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's all coming around. Wow. It really links together.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
We'll find out. Also, if you want to watch something that pertains to this, watch the post-apocalyptic game show, The Hoopa Goo Goo Game. There we go!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
But the next one's going to be on March 6th at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern, all on twitch.tv slash lpntv.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, that's going to be a blast. On the 16th. And we're coming for you, NASA. We are coming. The proof. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Moments ago, Henry was like, I'm going to be, I got to chill out. I got to be calm today. I got to...
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's very difficult. So if you want to buy resell tickets, go to any tunes dot com. I'll be reselling the tickets myself.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
And you can also get tickets to my tour, Invasive Species, the Ed Larson Tours Florida. So if you're in Florida in March or May, I'll be coming to your town. Hopefully, if you're in Tallahassee, Panama City, Jacksonville, Dania Beach, Orlando, Naples, or Key West, check that out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
This is a man who supposedly fought aliens. Yeah, the guy with the green hat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Later on. Hail Satan. Hail Gein. Hail Gladys Knight. I tried to find a cool Mormon, and that's the only one I could find. She's Mormon, huh? She converted in 1990.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yeah, I know. What are you going to do? What about the Pips? I don't think they joined her. They stayed Christian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Makes sense.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Tallahassee, what's going on? Ed Larson here from Last Podcast on the Left to let you know I'm coming to you. That's right. I'm going to be at the 926 Bar and Grill on March 23rd doing some stand-up and some music with my good friends Evan Rossi and Danny Bedrosian, you know, the keyboard player from Parliament Funkadelic. What? He's performing live with Ed Larson in Tallahassee?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Yes, it's happening. So come on out March 23rd, Tallahassee, Florida, to see Ed Larson, Danny Bedrosian, and Evan Rossi perform at the 926 Bar. You might just get a public sub.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Kaiser rolls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
That's what I was thinking about. Ham and cheese on them, a little mayo and mustard, maybe a pickle. Who knows?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
It's refreshing. Oh, when I sit down, definitely.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 609: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part I - Beyond The Veil
Oh, man, I love it. Fill me up. Make me your jelly donut. It shouldn't be red. Oh, you're right. Boston cream pie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead
Marriage may be bliss, but divorce is murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. Who's that?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
400.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
No, it's not. No, it's not. There are many like me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
This is fucking Australian. Sliders?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
No. What the fucking shit?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
We're moving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I'm bombing Australia. No, Bob.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Angel dust or like angel trumpets.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
Come on, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
We cannot wait.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 620: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - JFK & Government Conspiracies
I love her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
every day, and I'd fill up my big stein being like, God says we're drinking now! And they're all like, yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Ah, yes. I like it when it's brown and green. That's how they talk.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Well, I've had an interesting morning.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Fun times!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Why do you keep coming by my pet cemetery? Why do you keep coming over here? Are you from the Munsters?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
I don't want to. I can't. They're doing construction.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
And it went through those mic pulls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah, free from all restraints. Fuck you, FCC.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Where do we get floats? How do I get peanut butter? Why don't we do, how do we make, how do you make peanut butter?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
She just does that alligator death roll with the duct tape.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Okay, Mr. Esther House. Yeah, yeah. He's got the blacks on, you know, like you can see him with the ghillie suit inside of the fucking house.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
That's another line from Caddyshack 2. We watched it endlessly as kids.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
She's talking about it because she called the man stupid on the phone.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Tammy wanted to be amongst her thousand pets that we murdered in the last three years. She had to be with the five parakeets she crushed with the car accidentally.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
To the Mormon mobile. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Well, Laurie said- I blame Olaf!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Josh Gad, I'm coming for your sins. Josh Gad, I won't rest until I see you crucified.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
I was the second choice in that. I was supposed to be mine. I was supposed to be hanging out in New Mexico with fucking all the Sandman's crew.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
But I can see how that angle, it's funny to ask people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
I, like, just started this! Yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Fucking right out the door. Out the door.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
No!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
No, they did when he went to prison. See, it's wide and gaping. Much like the tunnel to heaven.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
He's the comedian.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
My dogs are buried there! My 25 dogs! Do not disturb! That is where Hamlet the gerbil is buried!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
And when you find a boy-shaped dog in my pet cemetery... You will, first of all, call the newspapers, because what a fine for you.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Now, Jesus, go. Anytime. Anytime, Jesus. Now, Jesus, all right, come on. Time to go. I know you love drama, but let's just kind of get it done. We only got a minute left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
If she does get released by Mitt Romney in 2028 and then she'll be on Dancing with the Stars and then get extra days at Disneyland.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
Oh, yeah! Yeah, all 275 pounds of blonde, pumpin' action. That's what I like. I like a woman who looks like a rectangle.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Man, there is no more room in my body. The skin is tight. The skin is tight.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And today, the story we're going to be covering, the Black Dahlia murder, the most vicious crime to hit Los Angeles since the babes of Inglewood in 1937.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Finally, this is how he keeps his pants up, people.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I appreciate you not sending me the pictures, by the way. I'll send them to you later.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I didn't realize her organs were missing. Some of them. Really? Did they ever find them? No. So they might have been sold. Maybe they weren't doing that all the way back there.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
No, they weren't sold. No, no, they weren't.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm just trying to make some money here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Hey! Now, it was immediately obvious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, man, be super sad about that one. Fucking leave those hands on your face in shame for the rest of the fucking episode.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I feel like it used to be everywhere.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. You ever see, there's an old, I think Sidney Lumet, who's the guy who did Something Like It Hot? I think it was Sidney. Billy Wilder. Billy Wilder. Billy Wilder did a newsreel about the Holocaust, and I watched it, and it's fucking brutal.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I didn't have to do it. My dad had to do it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's the best part.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It implies they're running from the trunk. And the cue ball is so you can throw it at their head. I luckily never had to use it. Today was a good day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
How come you haven't covered it yet?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. Do you think that she wanted to solve it, or is it just a gift that keeps on giving?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, no, I am talking a lot. No, you know, human shit.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
You know, I think you might have to be in our next Saint episode. Yeah, he really might have.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Why is that? Yeah, any kind of beauty queen.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The background just here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's some girl who's just used to being second best is now cutie of the week waiting for her. Well, that's the thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, Cleo was a piece of shit. He was a fucking awful man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So the mom didn't know that her daughter was dead? No idea. And then got this phone call?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
It's a beauty contest. And you want to know. And I just need to know a couple of questions.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
How many sailors did she have sex with back in the day?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Did your daughter have sex with a lot of sailors, man?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And that's how they do it. Because one of my legs is shorter than the other one.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Cool.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
The tease.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, you're either a prude, a tease, or a slut.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, good. Thank you. You're not going to be alone. You won't be. In memory of Fred Willard.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, she just happens to be the last person he was with before he went overseas.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We're the best podcast in the world, and we can't get better fucking noisemakers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, he's got the red hair and the freckles.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, he's probably real Irish. He's probably a boxer.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
That is literally what he said. He said, I wanted to see if I still love my wife.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm actually extremely allergic to period blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Maybe she was just mad because they didn't drive the two hours to Los Angeles and stopped in the middle so we could blatantly try and fuck her.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Well, official sighting. Official sighting. At least less. Credible. Credible sighting. And she wasn't killed that night because her body would have been more decomposed, right?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Like, it would have just been very quick for me. She was like the first suicide girl. Essentially.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
So this kind of points to Mafia, probably.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Mine's sick. Happy 600! The goddamn poppers don't work either. Everything's falling apart. I feel like I'm in a dream.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Now, was she big? Would she be able to carry the body?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
And what happens to you if you're confessing, Sam? Do you go to jail still? No, they say get out of here.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, obstruction of justice.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We're going to make them terrifying? Yeah. One of our researchers put it, it's like he wanted to turn them into actual goblins.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We're going to talk about some of those sweet men you mentioned earlier.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
We got Atlanta coming up. It's going to be so much fun. The Coca-Cola Roxy. Big ass space. So come and check us out there. And after that, we got, what's after that? We got Dallas in February. We got the Ryman Auditorium in March.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah. Don't let that make you afraid. No. Be free. Like Elizabeth Short. But not just like her. You know, because obviously you don't want the same result. But she was free. And hey, Elizabeth Short, she seems like a really cool person.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I would have hired her to be a bartender at my restaurant.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Goodbye.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
She's 22. When I was 22, my only goal was to stay alive.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Did you know I pack my ass full of gunpowder just to make my poo-poos more explosive? How? Revolutionary. Welcome to episode 600 of Last Podcast on the Left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I want the neck.