Dr. John Deloney
Appearances
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I think, and George and I have talked about this on air, I think in moving into the future, as everything is being leveraged, it's going to be disrupted and everything's going to look different in five years and robots are going to be mowing our lawn, whatever's going on. I think the wealth of the next hundred years is going to be peace.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Is how can I get off this insane roller coaster that I've put every egg in the basket? Every single one. So that's George and I telling you solve for peace. You have been on the roulette wheel for four years and you haven't fallen off. Your moment will come.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And George and I are just saying, man, the wisdom is knowing when to leave the table and go buy breakfast for your friends in Vegas and then put the rest of the money in your pocket.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I'm better than the system. And if you want to think, if you want to use a Vegas analogy, you went and pulled $70,000 out of an ATM machine. I mean off a credit card, except the credit card is the government who can garnish your wages, take your stuff. And you went and put that money on a roulette wheel. That's what you've been playing. And congratulations, bro. You made it.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Well, so people, I even will go with you. I mean, cocaine and meth is an issue, right? People use drugs and they like the ride. I even get that. There's just a moment beneath it. I made it sound like I do coke and meth. I don't. I understand it intellectually. But at least have enough wisdom to what they don't tell you on Instagram is the big players have a house.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
The big players are not leveraged 100%. And you get these young 21, 22, 23-year-olds who get out of college and put everything into these assets. And they think they're playing the same game these bigger guys are playing, these wealthy multimillionaires, billionaires are playing. They're not. The billionaires' long tails are covered. They've got their housing taken care of.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
They've got their insurance. They've got life insurance covered. And then they go play with big sums of money. And so you think you're playing in the major leagues. You're not. You're playing right into their hand. And at some point, they're going to take your money off the table.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Gotta build a foundation. Build a foundation, man, and at least pay your debts to the government for crying out loud, brother. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. 888-825-5225. If you were born in the 19th or the 20th century, I guess, 1900s, that's a toll-free call. If you were born in the 2000s, you don't even know what that means. It just means you can call from anywhere, anytime. 888-825-5225. John Deloney joined with George Camel. And listen, if you just listen to that last call talking about...
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
putting all my savings in Bitcoin. And I'm smarter than hedge fund managers. And I've got it figured out. I know I've got $70,000 in student loans, but I've got this thing figured out. There's so much nonsense about investing, how to do it, what to do.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And the one thing that we don't often do, George, is we don't often put down TikTok and put down the blogs and put down Reddit and actually ask people who are very wealthy, what is your playbook? Will you just show me, please? Don't just tell me, here's what I think and here's what's going to happen. What are you doing in your house to keep you and your family safe and your legacy secure?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
So here at Ramsey Solutions, we have an amazing two-night virtual event. So you can watch us from your house. To get real questions, Dave Ramsey opens up his portfolio and says, this is how I have built what I have built. Dave Ramsey, George Camel. It's called Investing Essentials. It can be overwhelming. It can be confusing. And here's what we're going to do here.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
George and Dave, not me, because you guys are way smarter than me. Love for you to be there.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
We could. The last time I heard Dave talking about this stuff, I was like, oh, you're Good Will Hunting. He's beautiful mind with it all.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
But here's the thing. People think Dave over the years is just, he plays hillbilly on the radio, and I'll tell you what.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Dave is a savant, especially when it comes to algorithms and why he does what he does when it comes to his money.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
The number of calls we take from people who are scrolling TikTok and went and immediately got married and bought a duplex, and they're going to live in one half, and they're going to rent out the other half. We live in the bathroom. We rent out the other four bedrooms. That's right. And then we're going to stack cash on cash on... Listen, Dave's going to open up his playbook.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Dave and George are going to walk through step-by-step how they do it so you can get clarity and you can get just the playbook on how you can invest with confidence and start building wealth. March 4th and 5th, it's virtual. You can watch it on your iPhone. You can watch it on your laptop.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Live from Franklin, Tennessee, from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people with their money, their relationships, their work, their mental and emotional health, with just about everything. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend George Camel, and we're taking your calls live, 888-825-5225.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
If you're a crypto bro, you can watch it on those two big curvy screens that you watch your whole life go by on. And tickets are $199. We charge for this one because the return on this thing could be amazing. I guess you reserve your spot, but there's not really spots. It's virtual, right, George? It's a virtual ticket.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Go to ramseysolutions.com slash events, or you can click the link in the show notes if you're tuning in on podcast or YouTube. Go check it out. I would, except I have one of the highest privileges in the world, which is I just text you on Saturday morning. I'm like, hey, George, should I move my money to this, to this? And you go, yeah. Yes.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And he's like, yeah, I just do it like this and this and this.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
That's right. And it's the question that when you're scrolling TikTok, they don't give you the reasoning or the math behind it. They just give you some- 60 seconds of excitement. Some proclamation they got off somebody else's TikTok account. So ramseysolutions.com slash events, or click the link in the show notes. So that's a Sacramento, California, and talk to Brayden. What's up, Brayden?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
How you doing? Man, I could not be doing better, brother. How are you?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
That was a deep pickle reference, George. People don't know, John. This is me educating the masses. That was fantastic, brined cucumbers. All right, so what's up, Brayden?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
You know the government listens to this show too, right? I'm totally playing with you. They don't. See, they just scrambled your signal there. They're on to you now, Braden. All right, so you make $4,000 a month in cash, all right?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
That's the answer. It's going to hurt. How are you going to get to work?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Do it right now. And then go get yourself a $9,000 truck and never borrow money from your granddad again. Never put a family member in that kind of position again.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
How old are you, brother? I'm 19. Okay, you don't know this yet, but I'm going to tell you a secret.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
If you go to do work for a 45-year-old on his farm and you roll in there in an 88 truck and it's got some character to it and some patina and it's got some dents in it, they're going to look at you with more respect than if you roll in there with a 2025 car that costs $120,000 because they're going to know, oh, you may be good with tools or throwing hay or whatever you do, but you do not know how to handle money.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
biology okay and you're not in that field currently or are you working in a closed field no so i work in medical device sales okay so you can make some cash in that gig yes yes i'm just starting though i'm literally three months in all right what does your fiance think about marrying somebody who's going to bring 200 grand and of debt into the marriage
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
It's insane. All right, let's go out to Newark, New Jersey, and talk to Lucas. Hey, Lucas, what's up?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Hey, we're right up against the clock, so you've got just about a minute and a half. Get right to your question for me.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Go get yourself an apartment this afternoon and be moved out by this weekend. What makes you think you're not ready?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Well, she needs to call into the show because she should not be dating somebody who makes $130,000 and lives with his mom.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Well, I kind of like that. So here's the deal. I want you to go get an apartment this weekend. And by the way, you can get a nice apartment. Don't get a dive. Get something that's actually pretty cool. You make $130,000. Congratulations.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Yeah, not something stupid, but something cool. And then I want you to wrap up the key. Actually, don't do that. Wrap up a copy of The Lease and give that to your mom as a gift this weekend and take her to a really nice restaurant and say, thanks for letting me crash at your house. I'm ready to go be a big boy now. Thank you for raising me. Bye, Felicia. This is The Ramsey Show.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, everyone. Listen, we all have stories, the family and cultural stories that we were born into, the stories of the things that have happened to us, both the good stuff and the challenging stuff. And we have those stories that we constantly tell ourselves.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And none of us can go back and change any of our old stories, but the world is waiting to see what each of us is going to write next. As we enter 2025, I encourage you to examine your old stories and be intentional about the new stories that you're going to write. And I'm not talking about making goals that are going to be long gone by February.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I'm talking about writing new stories that will change your life and the lives of those you love for the better forever. And if you're like me, therapy can be a great place to explore the old stories and heal from them and begin writing new ones. If you're thinking about starting therapy, I want you to consider my friends at BetterHelp.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, and you can talk with your therapist when it works for your schedule. You just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch at any time for no extra cost. So start writing a new story this month with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined by the one and only George P. Camel. Let's go out to Chattanooga and talk to Beth. Where are you, Beth? There you are. What's up, Beth?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Exactly. We're the exact same. We're better than we deserve, too. How can I help?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
So why won't you allow him to love you as he is signing up to do for the rest of your life?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Gross, yes. Wow. Beth, what is this I'm afraid I'm going to be on the streets song and dance you're telling yourself?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
every year too so that takes up a lot of that 300 well yeah not a lot of it but part of it here's what i i'm hearing and i i want you just to please trust me on this one me and george on this yes yes that's why i called okay so number one don't buy a house yet okay you've got some gaps in your marriage and y'all are hoping a new location is going to fix it it's not going to bring you the safety that you think it's going to
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
He's signing up. He knows. If you were lying to him, that'd be a different thing. He knows. And he looks at you and says, I love you anyway. Let's go build a life. This is going to be issue number one of about 10,000 you and I are going to have to tackle together over the next 75 years. Let's make a run at this thing.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And in fact, I'm going to tell you right now, based on your financial situation and just the ambiguity around your financial situation, it's going to make it worse. You and your husband need to sit down and have a come to Jesus, bare our souls, everybody being honest. I'm going to pull credit reports on both of us. Where are we? Yes.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Because I don't think you can breathe at night because you don't know where the money is. And he keeps telling you, I make $300,000. A, you don't know. You've never seen it. B, you don't really know how much debt he's holding business-wise. You kind of know some of it. And it could be 70% or 80% of that $300,000 is labor cost. And so he could be making $300,000 and be completely broke.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And if he's using your family credit cards to buy stuff for the business, you guys got a mess on your hands.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Well, bank loans, whatever. If he's taking personal loans out for this business, you might have yourself a big old mess. So here's what I do. Before I did any kind of house purchasing, I would say we're going to have a sit-down conversation about the realities of our financial situation. With $75,000 in the bank, a very unknowable – we don't even know where we are. We owe $120,000.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Maybe the business does. Maybe we do. Or maybe it's a business loan that we secured with our personal – you might have a mess. You're not in a financial position to move, quote, unquote, just because we want to. You're just not. You don't have that kind of money.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Okay? Now, he may sit down and clarify all this, and it may be a really scary, hard conversation. If I were you, I would start with the words, as your wife, I'm really scared right now. All right. And I just want to see it. Does any of this ring true to you, or am I out to lunch?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
That's good. I like going to lunch sometimes. I went to Chick-fil-A today. It was fantastic.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Well, less about hiding it and more of it just kind of like George said, it just kind of, it just runs through like a net water through a net. It just goes.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
What do you pay yourselves each, each, each? Yeah. I don't think he's being deceptive. I believe you that he's not.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Okay, so when I ask you how much y'all make and you say $300,000? That's business revenue.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
If you only got $75,000 in retirement, right? So just sit down and have a, where's our money going? If you're making $180,000 over the course of a year, y'all combine, you'll make way too much money for you to have $75,000 heading into the fourth quarter of your life, right? Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
George, how often do you hear when you sit down with people, how often do you hear, we just want to do this thing, and you look at their situation like, hey, y'all can't do that thing.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And by the way, all the questions I just asked Beth to ask her husband to sit down and get answered, a bank is going to ask you the exact same questions before they write you a check for a mortgage. So you're going to have to answer these questions anyway. It's best that you all do it together behind closed doors and unite and then go attack any of your financial goals moving forward.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
That's our one of the Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be right back. 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney joined with George Campbell. Hang on. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Live from Nashville, Tennessee, I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend George Camel, and this is The Ramsey Show, where we talk with real people going through real challenges with their money, their work, their relationships, their mental and emotional health, building wealth, all of it. You call in, we've got an opinion. and an idea or two. 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
We have an amazing call screener, Christian, waiting for your call. Our board is completely lit up, George. Let's go out to Salt Lake City, Utah, and talk to Kathleen. Hey, Kathleen, what's up? Hi, Kath. Hi. You're Kathleen. I'm John. Yes. What's up? Hi, John. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
What a mess. Because, I mean, at the end of the day, it's going to fall on his kids on the back end, right?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Well, I mean, no, but they're going to be propping him up right now. Are they going to be propping him up in the, I mean, in the future, if he cashes it out, then he's going to be calling them when he's old and can't work. Yeah. So let me ask about your situation. Are you unable to, to support them right now without his check?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Yeah. I didn't hear you say this, and so I'm reading the tea leaves, and so maybe this isn't you, but maybe this will help another caller who's not you. If God wants your attention, he'll get it. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Is he for real hurt or is he trying to end around not having to pay?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Okay, so let's take the alimony piece off because that's a third rail right now. Let's pretend y'all are still married. I know that's a big stretch, okay? Your husband, who's working in your home, gets hurt and he can't make any more money. Y'all have to have some hard conversations about the house you live in. And you think, I'm not going to disrupt the kids' lives.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
The kids' lives are already really disrupted. I need to go to school right this minute so that I can finally get a degree so I can finally get to earning some real money so I can take care of everybody long term. That makes sense unless you can't afford to do it right this second.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And sometimes we feel called into things. And I can imagine feeling called into ministry. But if you've already dug yourself a $200,000 hole, most ministry is not going to pay you enough to cover that. Right? If you're somebody who on a regular basis is just waiting to get some kind of word or some kind of... I hear that more and more these days.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Yeah, I mean, you can contact your attorney and you can say, hey, I want him to forego his stake in the equity of this house. That didn't put cash in your pocket.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I'm going to be honest with you. I think you're grasping at straws here. Okay. He owes you money. The bank says he does. Morally, he owes you money. He doesn't have any. How much is in this mystical 401 that you think he can give you?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And he's done working? Is he going to have to fight with disability forever?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Okay. So, I mean, that's the question I'll ask you. I mean... I guess you can. What's he going to do besides call your kids and ask for money?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
No, I mean, I know everybody's working hard. I think there's just a global situation here, which is a guy's hurt. He can't work. And we don't like him. We're mad at him. He blew up our life. All those things, fill in the blank, the divorce and all that. He didn't have it.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Then when? Then when? When he's 65 and he has zero, nothing?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Okay. Here's the deal. I don't know enough to know Utah law. I would go sit down with somebody and even see if you even have a claim to it. I don't even know if you have a claim to it.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
We have a guy who's very unhealthy, has been. He's got early onset dementia. He's unable to work. He's trying to piece together Social Security and piece together disability. And maybe you can find a judge that will force him to cash out part of his 401 and take the 35% or 40% penalty, whatever he's going to have to pay, and give you the other piece of it.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And what it's doing is giving people this pseudo permission to sit on the sidelines and wait for life to just happen to them. what I want you to do is to begin to take full action in your life. And if God wants you to go a different direction, I promise you, you'll know.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Okay. It may be that you can't afford to do that right now. And you have to go work three or four jobs. And it's an awful economic trap that single moms find themselves in. And I know that sounds like two steps back, and I don't want to. I just don't think anybody's in a situation to do anything that they want to do right now. I think we have to do some different things.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
You can get with a lawyer and try to go do what you got to do. I don't know what the laws are, so you need to get with an attorney there. I would want to look in the mirror first. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
But I would love to see you take this job. And until you start raking in big bucks, drive for Uber at night, get up early and do, I don't know. I was going to say do a paper route, but those don't exist anymore. I don't know what else you could do, but here's the thing. I want you to begin to feel some skin in the game. Cause right now you feel like a loser.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Welcome back to the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. George, that last call, I think it's important just to say this. On this show... we're often able to help somebody with their money or their marriage and, and find a, see a path through it. Right.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And when you're living in chaos, um, or the world has fallen down around you, sometimes it's helpful to get somebody just to shine a light and say, Hey, I see a path out where you can't see it. I'm at a different vantage point. Right. Um, when military, when they're doing a raid, there's always people eyes in the sky. It's important to have people looking at a problem from different perspectives.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Sometimes the situation is just bad and there's not a lot of great options. No secret thing you haven't thought of. That's right. Other than put down your anger and put down your hatred and just go do the next right thing. And it sucks. And I hate it. Not by your hand, but in your lap. Here we are.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
The hurricane hit your house and any amount of poking and yelling and screaming and raging and running around. Your house is still falling down. What are you going to do next, right? And that's one of those bummers. When you're listening to the show, when you and I are trying to help somebody, it's like there's not a good option here.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
You can take a really painful route or maybe a less painful route, but all the routes are painful. And so choose the one that's going to get you the most dignity and respect and where you want to end up.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Yeah, there's a great proverb that says, I finally confronted my anger and sat down and she took off her mask and revealed herself as grief. And it's like, I want to be so enraged and mad. And here's the reality. This just happened. And that last caller, I don't want my husband who we got divorced. I, he's got this small 401k. I don't want him to pass away.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
If you were born in the last century, the call is toll-free, and if you were born in this century, you don't even know what that means. 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Orlando, Florida and talk to Grace. Hey, Grace, what's up?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Cause he's, he's literally passing away and I don't want his new wife to get it. Right. Exhale. Right. This is just a bum sit. The whole thing's a mess. Right. So anyway, sometimes there's not a silver lining. You got to go straight through the middle of the storm and hang on, right? And hang on.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
It is cool. But sometimes, man, I'll pull up a seat on the curb next to you in front of your house that just blew down, and I got a lighter if you got a smoke, and I'll sit here with you. But nothing's easy from here on out, right? Scott's at Toronto and talked to Bethany. What's up, Bethany?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And you're not. You're just another student of which there are millions who did what everyone said. You have to go to this private school so you can get into this medical school. And then suddenly your heart was pointed in a different direction and you dug yourself such a hole. Now you think you're such a loser you came to ministry because you can't afford to.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I'm more worried about the marriage than the debt. Way more. Me and my roommates in college were more aligned on our finances than you and your husband are.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
He didn't read any book Dave Ramsey wrote, I can tell you that.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
In which basically what day trading is, is it's gambling for financial nerds. Well, even better than that, it's a piecemeal donation to large hedge fund managers. Okay. That's what it is. He's just taking that $8,000 and he's breaking it up in little pieces and giving it away to really rich men and women to make them richer.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And I think what I'm hearing here, Bethany from Toronto, is your marriage is in a mess. And I would recommend sitting down because this kind of stuff doesn't happen in a vacuum. It's not like y'all are completely aligned on raising kids and the future and vacations and holidays and savings.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
You don't even think that you're worth marrying. It's nonsense. Right?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And then all of a sudden he pulls out an $8,000 loan and puts it in the stock market, puts it on red 50 and spins the roulette wheel. This is two people who are barely roommates, who are trying to co-manage a house, but this isn't building a united marriage. It's you and him versus the world, which is what you have to have to survive these days.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
So you sit down with him, and you exhale and say, I'm scared about us. I'm scared about the way we handle money. I'm scared about the way I don't know where things are going and how they're going. Will you join me on this? But your marriage is on some pretty thin ice, and that's worth addressing before you get into the money stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
But yes, once y'all are aligned, you both work really hard to pay off each other's debts because it's y'all's. There's one debt. It's ours, right? Let's go out to Tampa, Florida and talk to Victor. Hey, Victor, what's up, brother? How you doing? Doing great, man. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Will you do a homework assignment for me? Yeah. Will you write 18 year old you a letter? No, listen, I'm being serious.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Well, the best thing I can tell you is what George and I do with our money that helps feed and honor and protect our wives and our kids. And that is we call SmartVestor Pros and we sit down with them and they walk us through and then they do the investing on their platform.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
You should make a trade today. We'll give you a free trade if you make five trades. Okay. Or, uh-oh, stocks are down. You want to make a trade? It's like tying your funds to a TikTok account. Is that right, George?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Write a forgiveness letter to 18 year old you. You know who does stupid stuff when they're 18? Every single 18-year-old who's ever existed. They don't all do $200,000 worth of stupid, right? But we all would love to have things back from when we were 18.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And I guess the bigger picture is – I always go back to it like – I'm friends with Dave Ramsey's SmartVestor Pro, right? And so if Dave isn't playing around thinking he could beat the market and he's got a guy who takes care of the mutual fund allocations, that's good enough for me because I know this. I'm not smarter than that guy when it comes to this.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And you've got to stop carrying that crap around, especially into a new marriage to a man who's like, I want all of you, including the $200,000 in debt. Yeah. But you got to let yourself go get married. You got to let yourself go be a great salesperson, right? You can be the saleswoman of the year. Go get it.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney joined by the one and only George P. Camel. Today's question of the day is brought to you by WhyRefi. Now, we don't recommend refinancing on everything, but for distressed private student loans, there is WhyRefi. We trust YRefi because they help you with a low fixed interest rate you could not get anywhere else.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
They help you stick to your budget and ultimately get out of debt. Learn more at YRefi.com slash Ramsey. That's the letter Y-R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey may not be available in all states.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Let's start at the end here. How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty or jeopardizing my financial goals? You don't. You don't. Um, you set boundaries. I love how Dr. Becky Kennedy says boundaries are something that require nothing of somebody else and they require me to act. And so I'm setting a boundary here.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I'm not going to put any more money out there or I'm not going to send any money overseas. And then your body might feel guilty. Your money body might feel shamed for a bit, whatever. Fine. But then I'm going to go on and do the next right thing because I'm not going to be dragged around by my feelings, by the nose. Um, And is it, am I wrong for asking her to contribute financially? No.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Is she going to? No. So what are you going to do? You're going to kick your mom out over her not paying $500 in whatever bills? You get what I'm saying? Like, I mean, what are you going to do?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
He set the whole thing up and his mom looked at him and was like, yeah, I'm not doing that. And so you have a decision to make.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And by the way, she pressures me. Dude, you're a grown man. You just bought a house. Stop feeling pressured to do something that you can't afford to do. Move on with your life. So this is some tough love here, George. Here's Kurt's options. Sell the house. Tell mom you're on your own. You make 12,000 G's a year. Go make it happen.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Or continue to share a house with your mom and continue to pay the bills and choose every day. I'm not going to choose misery by walking around looking at all the stuff she's not doing that I would shoot. Move on with your life. Right? There's no gray area here.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
You're going to kick your mom out and go on about your life, or you're going to make peace with the fact that your mom gets $1,000 a month and she shoves it in an account somewhere, probably going to you, but maybe going overseas, whatever, fine. I'm just to a point now, George, where we create these situations and what we want is for everything to be exactly how we want it and perfect it.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Mine is John, which is a toilet. So everyone can see that one pretty clear.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I get to say what I... You can do that. But every one of those conversations, every one of those demands, everyone's boundaries comes with consequences. And the consequence might be, cool, your mom's out on the street. That could be a consequence. It might be that your mom nags you. Okay. I'm moving on with my life, right?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
It might be that you're frustrated because your other 30-year-old buddies are out doing stuff. They're hanging out. They're dating. They're having fun. And you're stuck. You're taking care of your mom. I get that. That sucks, man. That's hard. And what an amazing place to be that you get to help and take care of your mom. You get to do that.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And maybe you got to sell your car instead of having a car payment. And you make six figures and you wanted to drive a Lexus, but all I can afford is a Camry because I'm a guy who gets to take care of his mom because I make six figures. What a blessing. Move on with your life. Just stop the all the time.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Choose freedom, as my friend Dr. John Deloney says. That guy's usually wrong, but on that one, I think he's right. Choose freedom. You're taking care of your mom. What a blessing. What a blessing. It was backstage at a John Maxwell event I was speaking at, and the other speaker you may have never heard of. His name's Deion Sanders. Heard of him. One of my top three favorite Deons.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Talk about feeling good about yourself. And then he walks back. Oh, he's keynoting after you. Right. So Deon walks back there. And he was just having a conversation with somebody. And he said the phrase, I'm so blessed that I'm in a position that I get to take care of my mom. And I remember thinking, what an amazing perspective shift. I have to take care of my parents. I have to, I get to amazing.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Right. And so you can choose that way of seeing the world, or you can choose that the whole world's out to get me. And my mom is blowing her thousand dollars by sending it to other people in other countries who may need it too.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I think you qualify for a business professional, or as they say in the biz, a BP. Let's go out to San Antonio, Texas. Nobody refers to that. That's batting practice. And talk to Kristen. What's up, Kristen? Hello. How we doing?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Happen... Thank you for your honesty. You have reached the bottom of the advice barrel.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And there's option C that we forgot about. In brass tacks here, if you file for bankruptcy, you can clear the $15,000.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Just chalk it up to something that Dave famously calls a stupid tax.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
that's it student loans are not dischargeable by bankruptcy so whoever's telling you to declare bankruptcy they haven't done a google search yeah yeah exactly they haven't googled right yeah it's a lawyer so that's scary well oh yikes there we go well they probably want your money as if they're a bankruptcy lawyer they're like i'll take the money even if it doesn't help you exactly oh grace i'm so sorry you're in on this grace are you ready to rock and roll
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
We've got some fees we've got to pay because we signed this thing because we were scared. We're not scared anymore. We're heading straight into the storm. We're going to pay this stuff off. If we make enough money, we'll figure it out. It's the never again fee. Ooh, that's a nicer way to say that. How millennial of you. It's the Ramsey Show. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Nice. I like that undergraduate GPA. That means you went to class and you had a good time. Well done.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Your marriage gift, George and I are going to hook you up with Financial Peace University. I want you to watch the digital lessons. It's nine lessons. You and your fiancé watch them together. I don't want you to look at him and hold his hand and say, I'm so glad that you picked me, and you better be really glad that I picked you, and we're going to ride or die together.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Kirk, I don't know if you know this. I know there's been a flurry of executive orders signed recently, but one of the new executive orders is it's illegal to drive a 10-year-old car if you're rich. Gross.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Yeah, it's just not safe. You know you're not making a wise decision. Oh, the other thing is your neighbors, they're going to talk about you on their TikTok accounts because you have a 2014. They probably think you're poor, Kirk. Yeesh. Yeah. Wow. Hey, where did this just like wild dose of common sense come from?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Second thing we're going to send you is the EveryDollar app. You've got to start practicing budgeting, and it's going to give you some skin in the game so you don't feel lost. Okay? Mm-hmm. And the next time you are looking for a hack and somebody has Googled something and they're like, oh, you should just holler back girl at us.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a hero, man. You're down the road for both me and George a little bit age-wise, and you're a good light for us. I'm really grateful. Ramsey Network app is where you're going to find the next hour of this show. Or if you're listening to it on radio, we're coming right back.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I know you ain't no holler back girl, but just holler at us and we will give you the next right step. This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Join us on the Ramsey Network app, the only place to get the full episodes of The Ramsey Show. Download it for free using the link in the show notes. We'll see you in the next hour. Stay tuned.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I mean, I don't know a way we could be better. We're actually doing pretty good right now.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, sitting next to the one and only George R. Camel. What is your middle name? Not true. Starts with a P, and I'll never tell. Reddit, if you guess it. I want to hear your best of guesses.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
no no i don't think i think i'm kind of mystique free well you are a private guy i mean you're big on privacy you know you want to live out in the woods no one can find you all that yeah there is that but it's not really a mystique it's just i don't know how i was on social media at seven years old john i was ready that explains i was in the aol chat room baby i was anxious and depressed before anyone else was anxious and depressed let's go to boston and talk to anthony what's up anthony
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Hello, can you hear me all right? Yeah, we got you, brother. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Can we just salute you? Most people are kind of Bitcoin-lite, and you're all in. And I got to tip my hat, because there's people who play around on the edges. Anthony's not fooling around. You went full bonkers.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
Who's telling you this? You can't even discharge that $180,000.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
If you were to ask me and George, who are both husbands or both fathers, this is what we would do with our money. So it's not just like Instagram, back of the Instagram reel, like, yeah, bro. Two things I want you to think through. When you talk about guys who own real hard assets, like who are wealthy with tangible things, I'm thinking of Warren Buffett. I'm thinking of Dave Ramsey.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I'm thinking of guys like that. They invest in things they can touch and feel. And I have no doubt in my mind, like I basically live in a, I want to say Bitcoin, but I have a digital currency anyway. Dave Ramsey doesn't hand me cash every month. It deposits in a series of ones and zeros into my account, right? And then I move that into this account into retirement.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
So we basically have a digital currency. It won't surprise me if this technology is used at some point. It also wouldn't surprise me if tomorrow some AI kid in St. Louis with a laptop figures out how to decode and spread Bitcoin out everywhere using AI. It won't surprise.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
So it's such an insanely risky gamble to hold two or three or four years of your life worth of money, especially when you're leveraged $70,000 into the government. Do you get that? Mm-hmm. And so it just sounds bonkers to me on the other side of this thing. If you told me, hey, I've got a house that I own that's mine that no one can ever take from me. I've paid it off.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
I don't owe anybody anything, especially the government. I want to put some money over here and see what happens with it. I'll shake your hand, high five you. I do that, just not with Bitcoin, with other stuff. So I'm totally game on that. But tell me what your resistance is because I can hear it. You're not buying it.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And here's the other thing, go Google and you can dig into the researcher. I'm sure you're a tech guy. So you've probably got more sophisticated, um, problem solving software than I have. Um, Everybody thinks they can beat the market until they can't.
The Ramsey Show
Be the Tortoise Not the Hare
And everybody thinks they've figured out the magic serum, the Harry Potter wand that nobody else has, that trillion-dollar hedge fund managers don't have access to, but I figured it out in my basement. I've got it. Until they don't. And so if you, by yourself, in your room, have figured out this thing, you're the one guy who's kept this thing afloat for four years, awesome. You said it best.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. They don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
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Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever you want to call yourself, we all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
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Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
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Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
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The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You're gonna pick up the phone and be like, you're not buying that car. Yeah. It's like, Whoa. Yeah. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I do too. It's a fun conversation and it's such an obnoxious amount of money, right? For most of us, it might happen at 10,000 or 2,000 or 500 or whatever. But I think that idea about strings and can y'all sleep at night is good. And I also like, man, if it's your ego holding you back, check that, check that.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
888-825-5225. This is The Ramsey Show. Give us a shout. We're talking money, mental health, marriage, whatever you got going on. We're here for you. Let's go out to Sarah in San Francisco. What's up, Sarah?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
How much have you given her so far, Sarah?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Your mom's name is on the loan?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Here's what's not scary about it, okay? There is some scary, but I don't think it's what you think it is, okay? Here's the scary. You and your mom's relationship is different from this point forward.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And the sooner you come to terms with the fact that your mother did not uphold your end of the agreement. I can tell you all day, I think the agreement was dumb. Y'all should never have set that up. It was destined to create a wedge between a mother and a daughter. But here we are.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
she has decided to not sit down and be the adult and say I took out a loan here's every month for the next however many years here's what you're going to pay me here's how this is going to work I'm going to keep a spreadsheet I'm going to mark off every date all that like a bank would do you basically funded her lifestyle in a tiny little way and then she comes knocking on your door 20 years later asking for $20,000 yeah do you know who's not on the hook for this money you Sarah
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Well, the loan is probably... Is it tripled? It's tripled. Is it $80,000 or $90,000 now?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Here's what you could do. She doesn't... Hold on. She doesn't get to...
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
you're allowing her to get inside you and to make you feel a certain way you decide who has permission to hurt you period now that's harder when it's our mom because our mom should be the one person on the planet that's always got our side and yours doesn't okay and i i hate that for you but she's not making you feel bad you're choosing to feel bad on her behalf
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You got to own that. You got to own that.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
So Sarah, if I'm in, if this is me, like I'm just, I'm fast. I'm thinking about this being my mom. Okay. And we sit down. What I would say is exactly what Jade said, but I would add one extra layer. I would put a payment plan in front of her and say, I agreed to pay $15,000 of a $30,000 loan.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I'm going to pay you 20 back, and I'm going to already say I've already given you five, and that's on the low end. So I'm going to pay you $15,000, and here's what I can pay over the next 12 months, 15 months, 24 months. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Sarah, I'm going to give you. I'm going to give you a year of FPU, okay? And she might not, but she's still got $55,000 left to pay off after you write her a check. And so if she wants to, you can sit down and put these videos on and y'all can come up with a plan. It's not too late for her either. We deal with folks all the time in the 50s, 60s who are figuring it out, and it's not too late.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
But you get to make that choice. She gets to make that choice. Okay, so hang on the line here. We're going to hook you up. Thank you. And maybe even say, I'm going to give you $15,000, which is five grand more, but you got to sit down and watch these videos with me because you got $55,000.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And listen, if she starts hassling you, starts saying, oh, you're just going to leave your mama to whatever, you can always stand up and walk out the door. And that's hard, hard, hard. But remember this line, behavior is a language.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And if your mom chooses to swear at you, get mad at you, send you on guilt trips that you can't afford, she's telling you through her language, I don't want you around here. I don't value you. And so I'm going to hear what you're saying through your actions and I'm going to head out the door until we can have a grown-up conversation. It's going to be hard, hard treading.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You're going to have to grieve the loss of your mom or your new relationship with your mom because things are different now.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
But this is why, I mean, I can't,
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
It does. But co-signing on loans, man, just, I've never seen it work well.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I haven't seen it work well.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And especially if you have, listen, if you've taken a loan out with your kids and y'all have like car payment, well, you just pay me back or you put it in a spreadsheet, be adults and say, you owe me this much on this date in this way.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
The bank looked at your kid and said, I'm not giving him money. And you said, well, you can give it to me. I'm trustworthy. Yeah. Be trustworthy. Be trustworthy.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
All right, stay out of this completely. She's a grown-up. And this is where she works.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I'm going to have to get the Preparation H out. Hey, this is the Ramsey Show.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
It's real tempting to take this back to like recess and be like, you talk to my girlfriend. This is a place of business. If she doesn't like it, she can walk out the front door.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I'm John Deloney, joined here by Jade Warshaw. Is your marriage going sideways? Give us a shout. Are you struggling with your mental health or got money questions or you just don't know what to do with your kids? Holler at us. 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Chris in Springfield, Missouri. What's up, Chris? How we doing?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Well, thanks, brother. I appreciate it, man.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I think Dave's been saying for years, your money is just a reflection of what's going on in your heart and mind and soul and life. And so right now I want to move the money conversation over. It's a big neon sign letting you know that you're not all right right now.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And I want to tell you, having sat with people, I can't count how many people I've sat across the table with or sat next to who are trying to figure out who they are after leaving an abusive relationship. And the chaos of, I still love that person, but that person deeply hurt me in a number of different ways. I lost part of myself and I don't even know what that means and how to get that back.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
All of that stuff is all chaotic and a mess. And yeah, man, you got out your spending card and went bananas. What I would tell you is the sun came up today, right? That's true, yeah. You got 2,000 bucks. And I don't want to minimize, you're going to have some grief and you're probably going to have some resentment. You're going to have all that stuff. All those feelings, dude, listen to me.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
They're right. They're fine. They're good. They're right. The only thing you can do from this moment forward, you can't go back and edit sentences that have already been written. They got a period at the end of them. You were in love with somebody that hurt you deeply. You broke up. You spent $48,000 in a spending spree to wallpaper over depression and grief and sadness. And here you are.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And the things you told us leading up to those moments tell me that you are a strong kid and that you're a driven guy and you have accomplished a ton. Very few of the adults that call into this show have $50,000, access $50,000 cash, my brother. Very few people call in and say, hey, I figured out how to do college for free. And so you had a plan and that plan is going to be different now.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You had a plan, you're just going to waltz into grad school, into your next job because you had a big nest egg. Well, you don't have that anymore, so cool. Nothing about what you've told me suggests that you suddenly have lost the ability to work really hard because I know that's who you are. And nothing you've told me says suddenly you're dumb because you're not.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
No, my dignity is not for sale, and my wife's dignity is not for sale either. Do y'all have little kids?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
What you have told me is you're going to have to spend a season grieving this. You're going to have to go spend some time with a counselor. And I would tell you that if you were my best friend or you were my brother. Okay. Okay. And you're going to spend some time healing and you're going to spend some time... Here's the uncomfortable truth about abusive relationships that people often don't hear.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
It's real easy to be on the outside of that and to demonize the abuser. What people often fail to take into account is the person being abused loses trust in themself. I don't even trust me anymore. And now you've got 48,000 reasons to further not trust you, right? Right. What you're going to have to do is learn to build trust in Chris again. That's just going to take some practice, my man. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay? Yeah. So here's the deal. I want you to hang on the line here. You're still in school, right? Yeah, I got a year left. Okay. Here's why that's fantastic. I'm so happy because that means you have access to a student counseling center that's going to be outstanding.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And in a time when it's very hard to just call a therapist off the street and get an appointment, you're going to be able to do that. So I want you to make that call today in exchange for making that call. We're going to send you Ken Coleman's Get Clear Assessment. We're going to send you his book, Paycheck to Purpose, and I'm going to send you my book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay. Then it may be that I'm going to put my enrollment in the academy on hold because I'm going to go work three jobs so that my wife can get out of this mess. But y'all have created a world where you feel like we've got to put up with this. Jade and I, we're always talking about freedom. Dave, we're always talking about freedom, freedom, freedom. This is exactly what we're talking about.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
My whole book is what happens when you are sitting down and you realize you're in ash and how do you take that next step out. I'm grateful for the call, man, and we love you, and we'll help you every step of the way here. I just need you to hear me say you're not broken. You're not dysfunctional. You didn't do anything wrong.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I mean, you blew a bunch of money and I would laugh with you and high five you if we were sitting at the table. And also, I don't believe, Jade, I don't believe in the phrase too soon. That's just kind of me. But I'd high five you and then we would get on with, okay, what comes next? But you got some healing to do.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I'm trying to think of how I've wrestled with moments in my life, Jade, when I've just flat out set my values on fire or I've flat out done something that I said I wasn't going to do or I've spent my time poking my finger at people who do things and then all of a sudden I look up six months later and I'm that guy now.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And I think as a culture, we have two narratives. One is you're always going to be the worst thing you've ever done, the worst thing that ever happened to you. You're always going to be the dumbest thing you've ever done. And then the other one is if you have feelings and you're a coward and a wimp and you're weak, you just suck it up and grind it. And I think that's nonsense.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I think the world is desperate for a new third way, which is we're going to spend some time feeling sad and we're going to have some grief. You went through hell. And you did some dumb stuff.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And then we're going to get the right people around us. And because we can't do it alone, we get the right people around us. And then we're going to take the next crooked wobbly step forward to wherever it is we're going.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I mean, George Campbell tells us he's perfect.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Well, you should see the hair dryer he has back there.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
He actually converted an old air conditioner. It's really an extraordinary. I need to get on that then. Well, they have a special plug in there. It's like a 220. It's incredible. But hey, that's another hour in the books here on The Ramsey Show. Be kind to one another. Pay off your debts. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You've probably heard people talk about different kinds of flags in friendships and romantic relationships. Red flags, green flags, beige flags.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Listen, it can be helpful to look for patterns or unsafe behaviors in potential relationships, but all those labels can distract from what's really important, your values, and whether you and your potential partner are willing to wake up every day and choose to honor each other's values. And look, I know it can be tough sometimes to even know what's important to you in a relationship.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Because if y'all don't owe anybody any money, then you laugh and smile at this dude and be like, dude, we out, right? No one's going to talk to me that way. But y'all feel trapped. What would it take for you guys financially for her to be able to walk out the door?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Therapy can help you figure out what your values actually are and decide your boundaries and your non-negotiables. And if you're thinking about starting therapy, try BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy that works with your schedule. To get started, just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist.
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The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
If it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. So whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or working on yourself, do it with help from BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
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The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, get out of debt, do work that they love, and create incredible relationships, and speak clearly. We help with that, too. I'm John Deloney, joined here by my friend, Jade Warshall, and we have... The line's open, 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Let's run out to New Hampshire and talk to Dylan. What's up, Dylan? How we doing?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Dude, I'm laughing with you, man. So what did you do, Richard? What did you change that was so bad?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I want to lean on you a little bit and you push back, okay? Of course. Why would you take this from your mom? It's like a dinner that she's paying for.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
All right, so here's the deal. This is as heartbreaking and complicated as this is, this is very, very simple. You made a grown-up choice. And with all grown-up choices, there always comes grown-up consequences to those choices. Unfortunately, your mom is choosing to act like a child. And I mean that with all due respect. I don't like talking about people's mamas, but here we are.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
No, I mean, it's so bad that you're about to do something stupid. What do you mean? Like you're about to go confront another grown man at his place of business where he pays your wife.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Right. So one of the hardest things I think any of us will experience is when somebody we love opts out of relationship with us Because they are choosing to be immature. Because they are making our whatever, how we're raising our kid, what school our kid goes to, our choice of diet, whatever you want to say. They make our lives about them. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And she is choosing to not be in relationship with you and your wife during your big day. And that just hurts. And so it's a both end. I want you to spend time, even just for a few minutes, saying like, this sucks, man. I want my mom at my wedding. I hate that she's acting like this. And you and I both know she acts like this on other things too. This isn't isolated, right? No, not at all.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
So I would write her a letter. I would write her a letter that she can go back to over and over and over again and say it would mean the world to us that you come. I know that you wanted a big thing, and I'm so grateful that you're honoring us with this one. We really want you here.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
What about your old man? Have you talked to him about it?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Well, you ruined her life, jerk.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
No, no, but I'm saying like it's that bad. It's that bad.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Well, he's probably been covering for her for a long time, too, right?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
So if she will talk to you, the best I can tell you is what I would do in your situation, and that would be I would write a letter, and I would do my best to deliver it by hand. If you all live in the same community, put it in her mailbox by hand.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And Dylan's going to embarrass me because I'm in charge of the dinner and everyone's going to ask me why I just did pizza. And, It's all about her. But if you write it down, people can go back to the letter and back to it and back to it. And sometimes, not always, but sometimes that truth has a way of distilling itself down and she can rest in. He wants me there.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Him and his wife are just trying to do things a little bit differently. It's not about me, et cetera. And you hope that's the case. But we all have family.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And tell your dad, we really, really want both of y'all there.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Yeah, I don't get to... It's not every day I get to talk to somebody who just willy-nilly rips his mom's heart out, right, Jay?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And sometimes it's just a dinner. Do the dinner. But if it is that big of a deal, you made a grown-up choice, and that comes with grown-up consequences. That's right. Hey, this is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. If you're a new listener and you want to know what we're even talking about when we talk about things like the baby steps and the snowball and all those things, go to ramsesolutions.com and click on the Get Started button. We're going to help you figure out the next best step for you in your financial journey based exactly where you are today.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
A lot of times people say, well, that call didn't have anything to do with me. We can tailor-make this thing for you, okay? RamseySolutions.com. Click on Get Started, and we'll walk you to debt freedom from there. Let's go out to Lane in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. What's up, Lane?
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The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Excellent, man. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Dude, that means the world that you took the time to call, Lane. Circle back and appreciate it. And I think it's important for everybody to know that Jade and I have no illusions. We know we're just a couple of knuckleheads on the radio.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You're the one actually working, man. I'm sure.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Wow. Good for you. Good for you, man.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I'm glad everybody's safe and okay, and I'm glad that y'all get to make the next step move from a position of strength, not a position of desperation. That's incredible, man.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Very blessed to be here. Well, dude, I'm really grateful that you circled back and gave us a shout, dude. That means the world to us.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And one more thing, and this is for everybody listening. We have a bad psychology where... I'll forever remember right after 9-11 happened and all of the, I don't remember, the Senate, the House, the Congress was on the steps of the White House singing together. And it was this moment.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And humans have an ability to come together in madness and make clear-headed next right decisions. Yeah. Man, we make the stupidest decisions in times of it's all good. It's all good. We just pretend reality doesn't count.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And so I don't mean this in a caustic way at all. But what happened to Lane will happen to all of us. Life will come at us. Moms will get sick. Kids will have issues. Tornadoes will hit houses. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. And so this plan... And I say this plan, living a life where you don't owe anybody anything.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You said it earlier, living a life where I am fully empowered to be as free as possible in my health, in my relationships, in my finances, in where I work, an ability to stand up tall in a culture that is so disempowering.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
When it comes. the most annoying thing will be who's gonna call the air conditioner person. I wanna call and say thank you and I'm nervous about that. That's the hardest part of losing my house. It will come. Do you have a group of people with you that you can weep with? Do you have an emergency fund? Do you have these things? Because it's gonna come.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And we had thousands and thousands of years of farmers who knew this. don't go through all your grain. You're going to have a couple of years where it doesn't rain. That's life. And in two short generations, we've just thought we're smarter than nature and we can beat it all with our smarts and our technology. It doesn't work, man. It will come for you.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
But life's coming. The tornado's coming. And again, it's not a fatalist thing. It's not a, ooh, we're fear mongers. No. It's just life. We just do life with people who are hurting. We wouldn't have a job if everything went right all the time.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And so- Live a life where you're connected with other people. Live a life where you enjoy going to work. Live a life where you don't owe anybody anything. And like I said a minute ago, in a world that is telling you you can't survive without us, stand up tall and say, yeah, I can. As for me and my house, yes, we can. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshaw. Let's go out to Destin, Florida and talk to Josh. What's up, brother Josh? Hey, how you doing? Good, man. How are you?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You got it, man. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
This is you busybodying, brother. This is between her and her workplace. Okay. You see what I'm saying? If she loves her job, she loves the work, she loves the challenge, she just has an annoying boss.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
decision i need to start handling my life and get some stuff on track and i want to go to rehab so i can uh quit my drinking yeah i'm proud of you man hold on hold on don't blow by that that's huge what led you here um there are millions and millions of people united states that need to make this decision and i want them to hear where you landed oh you'll be a gift i mean in the past i battled with uh
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay. The first question I would ask is often, and I'm talking about rehab places that are not like go to Malibu or you're in Destin, not like a beachfront place that's going to be a resort, okay? Yeah. Often, if you sit down, places will waive the gap between the insurance and the cash out. It's the equivalent of a scholarship program. So I would have that conversation with the place.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You haven't called hundreds.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And nobody will waive the gap?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
So do you have guns or guitars or a truck? You have something you can sell?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
There's a whole bunch of people, Will, my friend, because they're in your situation, too. What about a parent or family member?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay. So here's what I would tell you. I would start, if I'm you in this situation, I would start with a couple of different areas. Number one, I would walk in this evening to the local AA meeting. Have you done that yet?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay. I would ask around and tell them I've got a gap between And my guess is there's people who would say, I know X, Y, and Z. I know this person, my church has a sponsorship program. There's a, there's, there's gap payment here. We can help figure this out. I would start there. Okay. And this is you being super, super vulnerable.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
It sounds like you're so sick of all this that you're kind of done giving a crap. Is that fair?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay. The second thing is I'm going to give you three months of free better help. I want you to talk to a licensed counselor. I want you to hang on the line here. And I want you to make sure that just full stop rehab is the right move, the right next move for you. Okay. Okay. They might say, hey, I want you to go every day to a meeting in the evening and in the morning for 30 days.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And let's circle back before we make this big leap. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
The third thing is I want you to be honest, deeply honest with what you can part with right now. Because here's what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want you to come out on the other side of a 30-day in-treatment program or a 28-day outpatient program and have... That clarity of mind, that sobriety, the light is on, and then that credit card bill hits you right in the mouth.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Or she maybe, yeah, she's using you as a garbage bin, right? For all the bad stuff.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
That's what I want to avoid at all costs.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
They do. I want you to go to a meeting, and I want you to be vulnerable and raise your hand and say, I'm stuck. Okay? Okay. If you tell me after 30 days of knocking on every door, put your car on Facebook Marketplace and see if you can get $6,000 for it or $11,000 that's going to give you $6,000 and you go buy a $5,000 car with 250,000 miles on the truck. I get it. Not pretty. This is a Band-Aid.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I get it. If you tell me you can't, then I would say then go to a local credit union and figure out that gap. Or before you did that, I would see if you could work out a payment plan with the rehab place. Probably they won't do that, but it'd be worth a shot.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay, I'm okay with that one. If the last option, and listen to me, this is not a pass for you just to go, sweet, I can go. I want you to exhaust every avenue because my brother, Jade and I have sat with people, they walk out. And then reality is a cold dose of water and it's easy to fall right back into old habits when old fists hit you in the same mouth.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Or if you got two weeks and you decide I'm going to wake up at five o'clock every morning and drive Uber and I am going to, I'm going to work like mad and earn this money, right? Yeah. There's going to be some little victories there, but if you tell me, Hey man, I can't, I'm underwater right now. I'm wanting to go to rehab because I'm drinking every day and I can't stay clean. I get that.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And I honor that. Okay. But I want you to go to a meeting tonight and I want you to raise your hand and ask that question. Okay. Okay. If you can, if the hospital where you are doing your, um, inpatient rehab is willing to say there's an interest-free option here for the gap, um, then I'm okay with that as a last DEF CON resort option. If a clinical supervisor has said your only option is rehab.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And I, dude, I was bad about that. I'd come home and tell my wife all the stuff, the good, but also, man, this guy did this and this guy did that until she finally said, hey, I can't solve any of these problems, but you're continuing just to come home and fill our communication with negative, negative, negative, negative, either quit. And when she said that, I was like, I don't want to quit.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay. Okay. So I want you to hang on the line. I want you to walk through. I want you to, when you go through the better help, I want you to click on struggling with substance abuse, struggling with alcohol. And I want you to put in the notes trying to make a decision on whether I need to go to rehab, go to inpatient, inpatient rehab counseling.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And then when they reach out, they're going to walk you through an assessment and y'all can make that decision together. Is that cool?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Hey, I need you to hear me say I'm really proud of you.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Thank you. This is real hard. Thank you very much. You've been drowning for a long time, haven't you?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Yeah. We're done? Okay. Are we done with all the drinking?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Good. Hey, I'm going to put a little star on this. I want you to call back in 30 days with your 30-day chip. And we're going to celebrate you on the air. All right? I'm proud of you, my man. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
All right, today's question comes from Wyatt in California. Wyatt writes, my wife recently asked for a divorce and But she wants to stay married until she finishes her MBA degree.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And I realized, oh, all she's getting is the worst parts of the day.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
To complicate things, my family. Oh, nice. To complicate things, my family had agreed to pay for her degree when she started the program as an early inheritance for me. This guy is an honor student. I think she only wants to stay for the free tuition.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I don't mean this to be mean, Jade, but we're doomed. Just as a society.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Bro, your wife left you. She asked you for divorce.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You got to bounce with an ounce. You have to brush your shoulders off. She left you. She left you. And there's so much complexity here. Yes, don't pay for the wife that's leaving you, that's divorcing you. Don't let her take part of your inheritance. This whole thing is such a mess. Yes, I would stop tuition payments. How about that? Let's just start there, for God's sakes.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And I had to change that. But that took her drawing a boundary, a relational boundary, saying, I can't. If you have something awful that you want to share with me that you want me to sit with you in it, we're going to grieve it because we're getting ready to do something different. Awesome. I'm all in. But if it's just to complain, I'm kind of over that. I don't want to hear that all the time.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
That's right, you left. It's Golden Corral, baby.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Yeah, there's clearly a lot here.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And if your in-laws hear the story and they say, well, that's cool. We still want to pay for her, for her degree. A, they can do what they want to do. It's their money. And B, if it is part of an inheritance, then it will come out of a divorce settlement. So it's not just going to be free money. It will have to be disclosed as part of a divorce settlement. And y'all will figure that out in court.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And I'm heartbroken for you, Wyatt, that your wife wants to divorce you. I hate that for you, man. I just hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Well, there's also the other side of this that like Wyatt's cheated five times and she finally says, I'm out, but I'm getting my MBA.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Here's the best way to think of it. The moment somebody says, I'm divorcing you, from this point forward, this is no longer a romantic relationship. This is a business transaction, period. It has gone, we got married, we signed a marriage contract for this reason. This is how we're going to separate everything.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
It is a business proposition from this point forward when somebody throws the D word and says, I'm divorcing you. Cool. Then that's how we're heading along. That's moving forward.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I think we, I mean, I think it's both ends. So we say money is a symptom.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
We say that money is a symptom and I think it continues. So let's take abuse and let's take just evil and put off to the side. That's outside the bell curve in this conversation, right? There's abusive people and there's terrible people. We know that. I don't think most people are abusive. Most people are terrible. I think most people are unintentional.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
and they have a picture about what they want their life to look like, and they just assume that the person next to them that they married is going to absorb into that picture, not knowing that that person has a picture of what their life is going to look like and vice versa. And so here's a good example in my house. It's something so tiny that happened recently.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
We have two dogs, and then I got my daughter a little... It's like a gremlin dog.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And they fight and scream and run around. I got to where dinner time was frustrating for me. It just felt like so much. And I wasn't being the dad that I wanted to be. I was finding myself snippy. I was finding myself just like, hey, can y'all... Once we backed out and my wife and I... And she's like, hey, man, dinner's like a sacred time. We always just come here and exhale. It's where we laugh.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
It's these three dogs that we took from outside are running around underneath the table. We put them in a kennel now during dinner and man.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
But it was unintentional. And what was happening was I didn't want to come to the table. My wife didn't want to be around a grumpy me. So it's easier. Hey, we're going to grab Chick-fil-A on the way home. And so it happens by teeny tiny degrees. It turns out it's the dumb dogs running around at the table. So it's a lack of intentionality and a lack of saying, hey, this is a sacred thing for us.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You want this. I want this. How do we choose to make this happen? Oh, we can just do that. That's easy. It's a lack of intentionality. When you're not intentional about your money, then suddenly I'm buying this, you're buying this, you borrowed this, I want to buy this, and now we have two different worlds, but we live on the same couch. And then it implodes, right?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
So money fights are a symptom of two people that have not aligned their pictures and have not aligned their values and have not committed. We're going to forego short-term pleasure for a long-term vision of what the world we want to build together.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
That's right, yeah. And so going back to the previous call, you make a choice, you make teeny tiny choices along the way that gets you this final choice. You do that with your money, you do that with your physical health, right? Like my buddy Lane Norton didn't just wake up one day and win worlds. He started 20 years ago lifting weights, right? Every day.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
The beauty is if you will own, you and I have both made choices to choose a miserable marriage, then you can both make choices to choose something amazing. That's where the light and the darkness is. You can choose something else. It's nothing is inevitable unless outside of abuse. Nothing's inevitable. You can choose something different together. It's amazing.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
What up, what up? It's Dr. John Deloney from the Dr. John Deloney Show with some amazing news. The latest episode of United States of Anxiety is available right now exclusively on the Ramsey Network app. This docuseries follows real people from my show as they embark on a 90-day journey to transform their lives, and I personally walk alongside them every step of the way.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay, now, here's a sneak peek of what the new episode is all about. And don't forget to click the link in the show notes to download the app. What's up, Kelsey?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And that's a question that will frame any of these conversations. Because if you want your opinion, she wants your opinion, you're going to give it to her. But otherwise, I'm just going to sit here and I'm going to listen. And dude, I get it. When somebody talks to your wife, you get all riled up like it's middle school again. It's her job. She's a professional. You trust her. She's smart.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
What does crippling anxiety mean? Paint me a picture of that. All right, so you ready to jump in?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
So we're going to check in with Kelsey 30 days, 60 days, 90 days.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
She's experiencing things that really hurt a long time ago. Tell me about this boy.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
It just feels like it would be exhausting to be Kelsey.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Whenever somebody's playing whack-a-mole with their anxiety, when it just keeps moving, that tells me the underlying system's not okay.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
One of two people that's supposed to never leave took off.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Your burden, that's right. To the one person who should carry it, all of it. Did you ever tell that little girl that it wasn't her fault?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
You either have to choose to let this guy love you, or you gotta choose to let this guy go.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Let her handle her business.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I'm happy to accept it on your behalf if you don't want it. One million. One million dollars. Yeah, tell us more about it.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Dude, get in where you fit in.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
That's a t-shirt right there.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
What are the strings attached to this? Are they cool? It has to be in Santa Cruz. Yeah, if my in-laws said, hey, we would like to bless y'all with a million dollars to buy a house. My in-laws are amazing. There'd be no strings attached to it. I would gladly accept that gift.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I know many who don't, or like Jade said, I'm going to give you a million dollars to buy a house, but you'll buy it in the zip code I tell you you're going to buy it in. And if y'all ever get transferred or moved, that's our money that we're going to extract from the sale of this. You see what I'm saying?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
That's where it gets really, really messy. So I think it just depends.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
How much of this trust is this million dollars? Is it a $50 million trust and this is just one of the millions?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Um, is it, is it because those people, those people are the ones that have a million dollars, not people like us, right?
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Well, I... Or is it different? I remember a great theologian once said that sometimes people can be as proud of the things that they don't have as people are of the things that they do. So there can be an ethos. I'm not that kind of... I would never spend that kind of money on a house. I'd never buy that kind of car, right? And...
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Thanks, man. Appreciate you, dude.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
If, like Davis used this example, if you have $200 million in your net worth and you gave away $20 million last year and you buy a $200,000 car, that ratio is very similar.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Right? To somebody who gave somebody $20, right? Or bought a $20 car. So all I have to say is if your identity is...
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
i don't do stuff like that then i would i would tell you maybe check that and there's a pretty extraordinary gift and an opportunity to set your family up in a community we're gonna have family etc and also if the thought of going to bed every night here we are and by the way y'all make 190 grand y'all are clearly smart and doing great right um but this idea that
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
I just can't go from zero to 75 that fast. Like that's too much for me to wrap my head around. Then gently decline and say, no, thank you.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Yeah. If you have a great relationship with them, I wouldn't lose sleep over taking the money. But I'd want everything clear. Like if we decide to sell this house, is this a gift? Is this a loan? Is this a down payment? I want all that in writing. I want all that clear. I want everybody to have all hearts clear before we make a big decision like this.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
But if there's a second of hesitation when it comes to strings or I just feel gross about it, then just say no thank you.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
And it's a Santa Cruz house, so it's probably 1,700 square feet, three bedrooms, one bath, right? Yep, that's correct.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
So yeah, you're mowing the lawn. The roof's going to be the roof, right? So you make $200,000 a year. Y'all could cover the repairs and things on a house like that.
The Ramsey Show
The Hardest Decisions Are Often About Money & Relationships
Okay, good. But listen to your husband's intuition. If he knows his mom and dad, and he knows... They give us a million dollars. We're going to hear about this every Christmas, every Thanksgiving, for the rest of our lives. Basically, for a million dollars, they're buying our loyalty. They're buying their grandkids in proximity. I don't want to be on the hook to anybody.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And so when you see somebody that you in your head tell yourself a story that he needs this, this, and this, and I could be the person to come, that's less about Christian value, and that's more about you in a weird way using him to make yourself feel whole and okay. He hasn't asked you for help. He hasn't said, we need your help.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
You got it. Well, it's an honor to talk to you today. Thanks for calling. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
He's done some passive-aggressive-y dribbling of things here and there. And I would leave that to my mom or my dad, his brother or his sister, to step in and say, hey, man, what do you actually need? Let them have that communication together.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And maybe if I was in your case, I'd probably reach out to my dad or to my mom, whoever's closest, and say, hey, we're in a position where we could contribute 500 bucks or 1,000 bucks to the funeral if y'all need that. And I'd go that way.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Instead of going to basically a stranger, a guy who opted out of his niece's life for a decade and a half before I need to go in there and feel like I need to save the situation. Does that make sense?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I would work through my parents and just know that feeling uncomfortable does not mean your decision is wrong.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Thank you. If you're a person of compassion, like hopefully all of us are, anybody who's hurting, and we'll go one step further. Okay, so we'll help out here, Emily. Hang on the line. We're going to send you an electronic version of Financial Peace University. If the call ever comes. that, hey, I need some help with some of this stuff. You can say, hey, we got you.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I'll send you Financial Peace University Uncle for free. And here's all nine lessons. And it's going to walk you step by step how to take control of your financial future. And that way you're giving him a fishing rod and some bait and a place to fish. But he's going to have to bait the hook and actually throw the line in the water. Thanks for the call. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, everyone. Listen, we all have stories, the family and cultural stories that we were born into, the stories of the things that have happened to us, both the good stuff and the challenging stuff. And we have those stories that we constantly tell ourselves.
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You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And none of us can go back and change any of our old stories, but the world is waiting to see what each of us is going to write next. As we enter 2025, I encourage you to examine your old stories and be intentional about the new stories that you're going to write. And I'm not talking about making goals that are going to be long gone by February.
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You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I'm talking about writing new stories that will change your life and the lives of those you love for the better forever. And if you're like me, therapy can be a great place to explore the old stories and heal from them and begin writing new ones. If you're thinking about starting therapy, I want you to consider my friends at BetterHelp.
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You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
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You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshall. Let's go out to Dallas, Texas and talk to Mary Mary. What's up, Mary?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Oh, whoops. I pushed the wrong button. I'm not the smartest. That's all right. What's up, Mary?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
How's it going? I pushed the wrong button. Sorry. James is rolling his eyes in there at me. I'm getting better, James. I promise. What's up, Mary?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
um we we did but i mean it was we move or my husband doesn't have a job and then i would be the breadwinner yeah this doesn't sound like it's about houses though because it's expensive in in california too this is sounds like you haven't found a community or a connection or there's a cultural fit or something like that it's okay to say it's okay to say we moved and we tried something and we don't like it that's okay that's also true yeah
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Well, you're also in a very, very expensive part of Dallas.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people with their money, their relationships, their work, just about any and everything. I'm John Deloney, joined by my great friend, Jade Warshaw, and we are taking your calls live, toll-free. And if you don't know what toll-free means, it's because you were born toll-free. in the 2000s.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Very expensive. And so it's both true. Frisco, Texas is a very, very expensive place to live. And it's not super all the way 100% honest when you can move over to Arlington 30 minutes away or 40 minutes away. There's places where you can move that are less expensive.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Yeah. Yes. Your money issues are not money issues. Just hold that. Because you are investing in your right hand, and in your left hand, you're renting.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Right? So you have this one dream, like we want to have a rental property. As some people in America, like so many people think that that's... But it's at your expense. Yeah, but you're the one suffering from it. And so you could sell that, have $400,000, plus you got a couple of hundred. You could write a check for a house where you are right now. And so it's not about the money.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
What is it about Texas you don't like or about your area that you don't like or about the changes in your husband that you like? What is it besides I miss my family or I miss the weather or I miss.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I don't know. Those are all real things, but be honest about what you miss.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Okay, so have you had like a, this sounds cheesy, have you had a funeral for what was? Because it sounds like keeping the house in California also allows you to keep a foot there. It's kind of like you broke up with an old boyfriend, you're dating somebody new. But you kept the photos. You kept all the photos and you all still talk all the time.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And so you're never going to give this new boyfriend a full shot because you're still longing for the old stuff. And the old stuff was great. It was awesome.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And sometimes when people say the job market is so bad, it's so bad. It might be in your field or in his field. And that's when you have to ask yourself a bigger question. And you got to do what I did. You got to do what Jay did. And that is shift your entire career trajectory into another job. The job I have right now did not exist.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
There was no such thing as a podcast or YouTube when I graduated from college. And so the world has shifted, right? And so y'all might have to ask yourself that question. I love Jay's... You know what would be awesome? If y'all two just went on a... a year one retreat.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I just did a retrospective. I love you. You love me. We're on the same team. We're going to make this, we get to pick whatever we want to do with our one wild and crazy life. We have half a million dollars in equity and a quarter million dollars in cash. We're okay. Hmm. Let's be honest and don't, you can't be deceitful, Mary. You got to be honest about what you have loved about this move.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And you got to be honest about what you don't like. And both of y'all make your list. You'll talk about it. And then you can put your hands together and say, all right, I've been a nurse practitioner forever. I'm going to start looking at home health or he's been, I don't know. He sells oil products or something. And now he's going to start selling jackets.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I don't know, but that's because our priority is we want to go back to California. Can I also throw one other little variable in there?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Mary, are you there? Yes. Let me throw one more thing in there. When I left my childhood area of Houston area and I moved out to West Texas and the first big giant storm came through Houston, I remember being glued to my phone because those were my people and that was my home. And I felt so powerless being that far away.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And if you are finishing up year one and you've been glued to your phone for the last month watching these fires ravage parts of your home, then I want you to be honest about it just feels weird not being there with your people and with your family and being able to put eyes and hands on those that you love. And that's normal.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
That doesn't mean you uproot everything if everything else isn't need to be uprooted. But that feeling of powerlessness because you're not right there with it, that's real and that's good and that's holy and that's right. And you just have to acknowledge it. So y'all go on a one-year retreat. Go through it all and say, what do we love? What do we not love? I love Jade's idea there.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And then y'all make some fact-informed decisions about what you're going to do next. You get one shot at life. Go live it well.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by... one of the greatest people on the planet, Jade Warshall. Today's question of the day is brought to you by WhyRefi. WhyRefi refinances defaulted private student loans. Defaulted means when the borrower can't make the required payments. So if that describes you and your private student loan, contact WhyRefi.
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You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
They can offer a low fixed rate loan built just for you. Go to yrefi.com slash Ramsey today. That's the letter Y, R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey. And this is not available in all states.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
The problem about living in Texas is you're going to have to figure out how to spend that extra money because there's no state income tax there.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
How important is it, Jade, as you're talking, this is probably the worst analogy I could think of, but I'm thinking back to like middle school and high school with the youth pastor who says, you need to make a decision about your boundaries before you go on the date. Because if you wait until you're on the date, it's too late, right?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
It feels like it's important to make a decision with this quote unquote thousand extra on the first day of the month. Because if you just know it's in there, it's so easy to go out to eat and be like, let's get appetizers and drinks too.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Because, and then you wake up and it's gone, right? You spent it on stuff that you wish you hadn't spent it on. So it feels important to when everybody's of sober mind and they're being less emotional and more rational, we're just looking at a budget. Let's go ahead and assign this to where it goes.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
That way on the 21st, when we're out of eat out money, we got to figure it out and we got to eat at home. Yes. It's too hard when there's a thousand bucks is there.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Yeah, they do. I know. I know. There's the other side of that teeter-totter, but I just like taking my digs where I can get them.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
funny you mentioned that in in my marriage when there's extra money like that in the past I was such an idiot. I might spend $40 of that. And then if my wife spent $60, I would somehow feel superior.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
What are you spending all this money? Yeah, exactly. I'm keeping score. It's so stupid. But people do that. Just budget it and budget it and you can spend whatever you want to.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
All right, good deal. Let's go out to Little Rock, Arkansas and talk to Mark. Hey, Mark, what's up, man? Oh, not much. How you doing? Good. Sorry I messed up the phones there on an earlier call. What's up, brother?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Live from Nashville, Tennessee, it's the Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshaw. We are taking your calls on money, life, building wealth, your savings and checking accounts, your relationships, your work, whatever you got going on in your life. We are taking your calls live. 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Orlando, Florida. I was just making up stuff. That's right. Orlando, Florida.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I called it Orlando, James, because it's snowing there right now, which is very strange. Let's go to Orlando and talk to Jessica. Hey, Jessica, what's up?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Right? I was going to say, lots of people complain. Just doesn't do anything. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
When you say you just let your apartment go, you mean y'all just moved out and quit paying on it with a signed lease?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Yeah, but even if you did that, the department would have sued you because you broke your lease.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Do you have a name and number of the person who said that and the date they said it?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
They sent you something in writing?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Then I'd go back into the office, into the main office and say, hey, I have this documentation here. It says it's good. Y'all filed on my credit report. You have 15 days to remove it.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
We're going to have to get an attorney because y'all are violating what you told us.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Because here's the thing, a bank, if they pull up your credit report and you've been evicted from a house, you have just bailed on a lease because you don't want to pay it anymore. And somebody somewhere told you, no, it's cool, man. It's cool. It's totally cool, dude.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Of course, they're not going to loan you money because your track record says you just don't really care what you sign your name to. You just do whatever you want to do.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
So that makes sense. So, yeah, you need to go fight for your credit report on that front end. And then I don't know what your husband does about the eviction. Did he actually get evicted from a house?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
You sign a phone book's worth of papers, and it's a whole thing.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I feel like I'm hearing part of the story, Jessica. Is there another layer to this?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Well, and here's one layer deep. Again, you didn't ask for this, Jessica. I hear something in your voice and man, I don't mind being wrong. That you know you're married to a guy, all of your eggs are in this basket, not just relationally, but financially. You're at home, and for a second time, he has signed his name to a piece of paper and just walked away from it.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And rarely does that pattern of behavior exist in only one sphere. That you're a person of integrity everywhere, except when it just comes to leases, I don't really care about them. And so if that's the case and you have just doubts in your gut about buying a house, because, dude, they will come for both of you if you buy a house. They'll take your home from you, right?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And that's a scary, scary proposition. So before you buy a house, make sure we got the money. And if we sign a 30-year note, we're prepared to be here 30 years or pay this thing off. Or a 15-year note, we're prepared to sign this thing and not leave because you can't just walk away. You can't just walk away. Jade, it's...
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
It's frustrating when life changes and I have a new idea, but I've signed my name to a contract. And the right thing to do almost always is to, I said, this is what I said I was going to do. And I'm going to honor that thing. It almost always comes back to bike checks.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
So, Julia, here's a common thing. I want you to know this. You're not crazy. Your husband's not crazy. Y'all are facing a very common dilemma that millions and millions of 60-plus-year-olds are facing, especially married couples. A, there's an ecosystem that has descended upon you the last 25 years, telling you that everything in your life is coming down. Everything's going to end.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. Are you ready? Yes, we are. Tomorrow night is Ramsey's biggest live stream, and it is totally free. It's the Ramsey team, Dave and Jade, in your living room, on your phone, on your iPad, on your big screen, however you consume it. 350,000 people have already registered, and they are ready to do something different with their money.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
So listen, Jade and Dave are going to give you practical tips and the motivation you need to start building wealth, find margin, get out of debt, do all the stuff. We're going to give you a step-by-step playbook. And Jade, I take calls, like personal calls, on my cell phone from folks all over the country who have incomes that I can't even wrap my head around. And I can hear the courage.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
It's building and building, and they say, hey. Okay, walk me through this budget thing.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Right? And it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. Right?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
It shouldn't be, but it is. Yeah. It is, right? Yeah. And so this is a way you can learn step by step and you don't got to ask anybody anything. But if you do want to ask, at the end of the live stream, Rachel Cruz and George are going to join you guys for live Q&A. Your questions are going to get answered and you're going to help a whole, whole bunch of people.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I guarantee it. Me too. And then your question becomes a blessing for everybody.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Right? Yeah. It makes people feel not so alone and one question answers it for everybody. That's right. Go to RamseySolutions.com slash live stream. We're also giving away five to five different people $4,000 in cash. And there are few things in the world more fun than giving away Dave Ramsey's money. So sign up.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And if you create a free every dollar account, you'll get a bonus entry into the giveaway. We're going to be using every dollar throughout the live stream. And they're going to show you immediate ways you can take control of your money. So go to RamseySolutions.com slash live stream tomorrow night, 7 p.m. Central for free. No more excuses. Bluff called. Get right with your money in 2025.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Let's go out to Nashville or let's go right down the street and talk to Johnny Five. What's up, Johnny?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Oh, man, what happened, brother?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Yeah. Is there any chance you, I'm assuming you've, you've looked into this, any chance you had, um, disability insurance through your job?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
So you're getting some money, just not enough?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
You grew up in the era of Walter Cronkite and Tom Brokaw, folks that people trusted. And now that same ecosystem is telling you you're not going to have enough money. You're going to die. You got to move it all into silver and go. The whole world has shifted on your generation. My generation just assumes everybody's lying to me.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
How long are you going to be out, brother?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Here's a couple of things, Johnny, you can do, okay? If I'm just trying to project myself, I'm your neighbor, I live here in Nashville. If I'm you, if I woke up and found myself in your exact spot, the first thing I would do is I'd sit down with my wife and y'all have to figure out a way that at least for the next 30 or 60 days, she can make some more money.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And no husband wants to have that conversation, but that's just the financial reality you'll find yourselves in. So if she goes and does this job and then she delivers pizzas in the morning or in the evening and drives Uber people to the airport in the morning, she can be exhausted in 60 days, two months, but y'all aren't going to get buried underneath this deal.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And you can say, hey, I'll take care of the house. My purpose for the next 30 days while I'm getting well is I'll make sure we got breakfast and dinner. I'll take care of that. But y'all need to get some cash in your home quickly.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
The second thing I would do is I would call those credit cards and just, I don't know if this in five cents will buy you a cup of coffee, but you can plead and say, I need a 30- or 60-day stay on my account. I've had a medical issue. I'm on short-term disability. I'm scheduled to go back March 2nd. Can I roll these things? And they might do that for you.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I know, I know. We're taking your calls. We're taking your emails, your texts, whatever you got going on. 888-825-5225. Actually, I said that wrong. You can't text that number, but you can contact us any way you want. You can contact us through the Ramsey Network app, but we're taking your call. 888-825-5225.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Even the people telling the truth, your generation is stuck assuming these people are telling us the truth. It's all coming down. So number one, I want you to know your fear is, is, is, is okay. It's normal. But also as Jade said, here's what you desperately need with your husband. Y'all need actual facts. Remember this line facts are your friend.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Don't do it after it's already sailed. The ship's already sailed.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And that $700 in food for the next 30 or 60 days, y'all are beans and rice in it.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And you can bring your kids in there to help cook and make the food, but y'all are eating as cheaply as possible. Thanks for the call, brother. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
You have made up a story in your head that you're too old to be a teacher. That is false. My mom is in her seventies and she's still a college professor.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by my great friend, Jade Warshall. Let's go out to Raleigh, North Carolina, and talk to Jake. What's up, Jake?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Yes. It's just a story because when you were a kid, 60 years old felt like a million years. And now you're there. You're still fun, exciting. Your students love you. They could definitely use your wisdom.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I know. I know. But listen, you and your husband, this idea of like, I don't know. I think social security, that's not enough. So instead of talking about what are you going to do? We have to move. I want you to sit down and use this line with your husband. I need to know what our money situation is because I'm scared to death. Will you help me be less scared?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Just $750,000 you could put down on the house. You're good, homie. You're good.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
You'll be losing compound on the other end with a 30-year mortgage at 6%. Right. You get what I'm saying? So the net compound is, I call it my sleep tax, my soul tax. If I'm earning 8% on one end or 10% on one end and I'm spending 7% on the other, that 3% to not have a mortgage, I'm glad to pay that. Especially with a special needs kid because no one could take our house away from us.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
So Jake, let me just tell you, can I just tell you, I just did that. Yeah. I did that less than a year ago. I didn't have it in a brokerage account. I had it in a high yield savings account. But I, growing up in the house that I grew up in, was very uncomfortable with money.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And I accumulated a chunk of change and I did not realize how much of my identity and safety I was putting in that savings account. So my wife and I, for reasons not quite similar to yours, but very similar to yours, she's one of these newfound wives that wants cell signal and she wants to not have to drive an hour to drop the kids off in school, stuff like that, right?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And very few husbands will look at their wives when they say that and go, nah, I don't care.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And so, yeah, I took that money out. And here's the thing. I had two or three months of, oh, my gosh, I put all of my faith and all of my safety and security not in my faith, not in my family, not in my work, not in – you have a million dollars in savings, by the way, in your retirement account, right? Yes. And so nobody's starving here. You're good.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
It became, oh, this is all about me and me putting safety in the wrong things. Mm-hmm.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Then he needs to show you the plan. And if you use the words, I'm scared because I don't know the plan, I need to see the plan.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And I think the other thing that I would classify as quote unquote wrong here, and I don't like to use that language all the time, is don't not do something because you're scared.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Yeah. You have $1.5 million, not including a cash account with $250,000 in it. And I missed it. What's your take home? What's your salary? After taxes and contributions, about 15K a month.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
So here's the thing. You're playing on house money. Yeah. And so the thing, I wonder how much of it is just fear. It's just fear. How old's your kid?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Okay. Thank you. Because you're scared.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
That's awesome, man. This is why we do this show. So the people who have curveballs in life have options. This is The Ramsey Show.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshall. Hey, we have this rad new segment on the show. It's called Sorry We Missed Your Call. And here's the deal. People call and leave us messages. Sometimes the messages are hilarious. And sometimes they are...
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
critical in a good way like they point out some things and sometimes as they usually are there are questions like people are asking for help and they try to call into the show they couldn't get through because so many people were calling in or they called in after hours or they got caught the show not on radio live radio but they caught it on youtube and they just wanted to reach out and ask a question so we have a new segment called sorry we missed your call here is the question from amber amber writes hey my name is oh oh we're gonna listen to it okay we're gonna listen sorry james go ahead
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Well, hold on. You grew up in Detroit just like I grew up in Houston, and you grew up in Detroit when it was all golden and great, and it all went away overnight. And I grew up in Houston where Enron was the greatest thing in the world until one morning Enron didn't exist. And so you have both of those things going on.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
right um and if you're giving because you think you're superior to somebody in need then keep your money right if you're giving because you um have just been insanely blessed or even a tiny tiny bit blessed and like you said you live life with your hands wide open um and by the way we're all in a season all of us are in a season Right. Yes.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Um, and it might be really cold in your season or it might be the, the harvest may have come in, but we are all in a season. And if you happen to be in a great season and, um, you want to be supportive and you have your eyes open and you can help people and that could be tipping really well. That could be strategic giving. I could be giving to local school, any church, anything, um,
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
In this kind of situation, after one, two, three, four, whatever number is in your head, it sounds like she has reached a point where she is no longer comfortable. I'm giving money and it's not helping this family. Yes. Or this person. And that's where the harder thing I think to do is to have a personal conversation. We're going to go to coffee. Mm-hmm.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And you just talk to me about what's going on. And then to say, okay, this is the last time I'm going to give you cash. I'll give you Ramsey plan. I will help you get a job. I will walk you. I'll take part of the time off my job. I'm going to walk you over to a local, one of those like day ready places where you can get you a job. Like I'll walk with you and walk next to you.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
It's just going to all work out, and then you also have that understanding in your nervous system. There's a day when everything, the factory shut down. You've got to address that fear with him. And then, yeah, it's a math problem. You want to move to Texas? You want to move to North Carolina? You move wherever you're going to move. Jade was right.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
But the cash ATM part of our relationship is going to come to an end.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And so I think it just expands what quote unquote help means and giving means. And there is some time. Do like right this second is not the time to get a lecture. My light bill is about to get cut off. Right. Right. There's those moments you step up and you help help out your neighbor.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
The larger conversation is I'm not going to pay your light bill for the rest of your life. Yes. Let's have a deeper conversation about what's actually going on.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Yeah, and I guess the last thing I would say is
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing here, I guess, is you have to look yourself in the mirror.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Right? And probably if we took me and you and Dave and Rachel and George and Ken and we all sat down and said, what's our philosophy of giving? It'd probably all be different.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And so I think all of us are united, like giving is just a way of being. It's a responsibility all humans have to each other. what that looks like day in day out with each family in each situation, that's just different. And so it's easy in this situation to go around and ask person to person to person,
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Amber, if it's just you at home, look yourself in the mirror and be honest and then set your own boundaries and then go give recklessly within those boundaries. And then if you're married, y'all sit down and decide who we're going to be this year financially with what we give and go get it, right?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
That's amazing. All right, let's go out to Atlanta, Georgia and talk to Michael. Hey, Michael, what's up?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
We're doing fantastic, brother. We're up against the clock, so hop in right on top of your question. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And hey, while I got you, it would be a huge help to all of us if you will fill out the Ramsey survey. You can win a $500 gift card, but here's what the Ramsey survey is. We want to know what you like about this show. We want to know what you want to change about this show, what you want to hear more of, what are your favorite parts. Text SURVEY to 33789. That's SURVEY, S-U-R-V-E-Y, to 33789.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I got a call. Listen, the world is desperate for great teachers, especially licensed teachers. So you're not going to have a problem getting a job. What you might have a problem doing is convincing your Californian husband to move somewhere else. That's a whole different story.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
All right, that's the second hour in the books on The Ramsey Show. You can find the rest of the show live on the radio or behind the Ramsey Network app. We'll see you there shortly, right here on The Ramsey Show.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
It's just too expensive. So we're going to send you every dollar. We're going to send you the budgeting tool, and we're going to send you Financial Peace University, the whole digital class. It's nine lessons, and you and your husband commit to watching them together. And then you can sit down and talk about your plan together.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. Are you ready? Tomorrow night is Ramsey's biggest free live event of the year. Take control of your money. It's a live stream coming directly to your house. 350,000 people are registered and ready to do something different with their money and their lives.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Jade Warshaw and Dave Ramsey are going to give you the practical steps and motivation you need to find more margin in your budget and get out of debt so you can start building incredible wealth. Here's the deal. Election's over. You woke up and you looked yourself in the mirror and you are still you. And you got online and looked at your checking account. It is still what it is.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
You look at your savings account. It is still what it is. Yeah, overdrawn. You look at your savings and your heart stops. I understand. I've been there, not wanting to call anybody, not wanting to ask anybody's help. We are bringing the live stream to your living room. There's no excuse. It's free. We're going to bring it to you. So go right now, sign up at ramseysolutions.com slash live stream.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
We're also going to give away several different iterations of $4,000 in cash up to 20 grand. Is that right?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Very cool, dude. So get in there, create a free EveryDollar account to get a bonus entry into the giveaway. We'll be using EveryDollar during the live stream to show you how to take control of your money. And again, can I restate this? It's all free.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Or you can go to ramseysolutions.com slash survey. Or if you're listening on podcast or YouTube, you can click the link in the descriptions. And we're going to put all the names in a big hat, and we're going to give you a $500 gift card if we draw your name out. So thank you for doing that for us. And BTWs, say nice things about us. Okay, let's go out to Sacramento, California, and talk to Julia.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
And I don't care how much money you have, how much money you make. This is for you. All right, let's roll out to Pittsburgh and talk to Emily. What's up, Emily?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
I wouldn't be concerned at all. Like, cause I know how this, I know how I can get his groceries paid for. He can get a job. Ta-da.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Let me ask you this. Why are you letting this person you haven't talked to in 15 years suddenly have a voice at your kitchen table about your integrity, your character, what you do next? Why are you giving him a voice?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
No, but he hasn't even asked you.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Where's your parents? Where's your mom or dad?
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
Yeah, there's two things that are going through my mind here. Number one, I would take my cues from... A struggling uncle's brother and sister. That would be number one. So I would look to my mom and dad because they're going to know, or whoever he's related to, they're going to know better than I do.
The Ramsey Show
You Can Build Wealth No Matter Where You Are in Life
The second thing is, is I am all about helping and supporting and walking alongside and being there for the people in the margins in our world. I also have been humbled dramatically over the last 20 years because of my arrogance and my savior syndrome.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Continue, you can continue. I told him earlier on, Dave, when me and my faculty friends at the law school there would talk, we would all know, hey, we all need to be nice to Jefferson because we're probably all going to be working for him someday. So we all knew that. Jefferson's been brilliant.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Yes, exactly, exactly. I'm not going to try to win the argument. Well, and Jefferson, I think that's important because we often are looking for feelings, right? We're looking for some sort of emotion to let this relationship know it still has got spark to it, right? Right. And so we end up fighting and fighting and fighting instead of asking the harder question. And you taught me this. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Like what do we both want with this conversation?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Hey, I want to give you a wild – this is just a story that's come into my mind. Let's pretend you're a mid-level professional and you have a very opinionated, outspoken CEO that runs your company. Who would that be? I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Again, this is total – I'm just making this up on the fly here. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
But that also means that if I'm sitting with somebody who we are just not going to come together, I have to be confident enough to push my chair back and head out. Or I've got to be confident enough to say what I need to say and then go on about my day and not – hope that I can still outsource my self-worth to you, right?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
All right, today's question comes from Madison in Ohio. My husband and I have been happily married for six years. The only place where we struggle a bit, I love that, a bit, is on our finances. My heart is with my babies and raising them while his is focused on money. I'd rather him tell me what our monthly budget is so I can just follow it, but he wants me to be on his level of monetary ambition.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
We have no debt, save roughly a thousand bucks a month, and we have 25 grand in savings. If I'm not negatively impacting his goals, then why is it bad that money doesn't excite me like it does him? I feel like finances is his thing and raising our family is mine. I'll support anything he wants, but I don't want to lose myself in his ambition. I think they've got more than a bit of a struggle here.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Yeah. Yeah. This is a bigger challenge going on, man.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
How does somebody with a criminal record get, um, custody over two seven-year-olds?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
This feels like, in counseling they call it the one down position. It's like when somebody's mom goes, oh, okay. That's okay. I don't want to eat there, but I'll just eat the napkins in the glove box. I'll be fine. That's that.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
I don't want to get my fingers dirty, my hands dirty with the money stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
And actually, I guess where I can feel my heart rate getting up a little bit, getting a little frustrated is the number of calls I get from wives saying, I wish my husband would just include me. And I have somebody here. And now he's speaking spreadsheet, which if he was here, I'd bonk him on the head and say, bro, lead with your heart first and do spreadsheet second.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
But this is somebody that sounds like they're trying to connect and trying to bring mom in, bring his wife in on the finances and the money. And here's where we're headed. Here's what we're going to buy. And she's kind of beating him up for it. And I kind of, I mean...
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Based on this little paragraph here, I honor the fact that he's trying to connect with you, even though you keep saying, I don't want anything to do with the money part. I just want to do the mom part.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
so anyway so i i would say um can we get to the the root of this i don't like him he annoys me um i don't like having conversations with my husband um let's get to the truth here um or i'm really kind of spoiled and i don't like to deal with some of this stuff we need to get to the root of these things because this is the way some people just operate in the world um
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Um, and it ends up in ash, right? It ends up, and then he's going to get painted as the bad guy. Yeah. He already is. And then he didn't know his wife didn't like him. I don't like you. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Or the dreams you talk about, these babies that you just want to be yours, you've said, I want them to drive this kind of car, go to this kind of college. Well, that takes us planning right now for that to happen down the road. Let's talk about what we're not going to do so that we can do.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
So whenever I hear a conversation like this, I always want to ask what feels like an obvious question, but it's only obvious when you're looking from the outside. It's really hard to see on the inside. What of this can you do anything about? And the way you've outlined it, you can't do anything about your mom's behavior. She's been who she's been forever.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
And the other side of it is, hey, these are my kids too. I want to be a dad. You don't get to just do the kids and I do the mad. I want to be involved with the kids. And if he's not, Madison, then sit down and say, your kids need a dad more than they need a spreadsheet right now. They need you to talk to them, hang out with them, go do whatever dads do in this house.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
So ultimately, this first line, we have been happily married. I think things are not as great as they seem. Let's be honest with each other and go from there. Yeah, we're married.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Would you pay yourself a quote unquote higher salary if you have personal debt and a small business that's kind of crushing right now?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
You can't do anything about your dad's behavior. He's been who he is forever. The state has awarded these children. Right. So what can you actually control here? I guess you could sue for custody if you want to take the two girls, or you can have this big, I call it like a William Wallace type speech to your dad, and maybe you'll get through to him, which I can tell you right now you won't.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
There he goes, right? So what are you looking for? What are you hoping happens?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
It is. Behavior is a language, and he's told you for the last 20 years he's not interested in your advice or wisdom. And that's really hard to hear and know. And I'm saying it kind of callously and direct, but he doesn't care what you have to say.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
So, Nicole and Dan, when we talk to people who are concerned about their net worth and trying to build, you know, get to millionaire status, sometimes there's a negative connotation. Like for what? Talk to the person who is sitting there listening to this going, yeah, yeah, yeah, but so what?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Talk to them about the freedom you have when your husband comes home and says, oh my gosh, I just got this diagnosis. And y'all can exhale and say, then we're going to take some time off and just be together.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
That to me is the true definition of freedom is we can go do the next right thing and we don't have to think about it.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
I don't know that you wash him. I don't know that you wash him. I don't know that you wash your hands of him. He's still your dad. He is.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Wow. Attaboy. That means you had fun. Good for you.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
So a picture of you just came up. How much do you spend on grooming that amazing mustache you have?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
You might quit trying to fix him. Yeah, you live in reality.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
That may be the most profound moment of the show today.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
I don't think I was smart enough to catch that just then.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Because you can absorb your, I mean, you can balloon to fill up your income with cars and clothes and vacations and nonsense. That's fantastic. I love that quote. Say that again one more time, Mark.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
I think that's something that Congress needs to hear. I think that's something that the average person just driving down the road needs to hear.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
It's a 21. Okay, good. That's the right answer for your wife, too, brother.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Yeah. How do you handle the frustration? Because there's a sense that once I become a quote-unquote millionaire and you're almost 2X, that I don't have to worry about stuff. I can buy whatever car I want. I can live where I want. There's kind of that leap between, oh, I'm actually a net worth. My net worth is a million dollars or more. But I still have to think about it.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
And you might write your father a letter and just call it my last letter, right? And I'm still going to love you. I just need you to see in writing you always have an open door at my house. Yeah. And maybe when you start talking and start lecturing him, he shuts you off like he shuts off his wife. That's just his default setting.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Dude, it's going to be wheels off. I was talking to Rachel. We did the money marriage event this last weekend, and I said, I don't get nervous very often for these kind of things. I'm excited and nervous for this one. Because it's going to be us two on stage letting it rip, man.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
But people don't get to see us cutting up and having a good time and talking. Poking at each other. We'll be answering your questions in a sense.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
And every show is so cookie cutter now, right? And it's just stamp and stamp and stamp. And what I love about this one is every city is going to get a new show and the new events. It's going to be fun. And in some cases, that's going to be good.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
But maybe around the glow of the refrigerator at 11 o'clock at night when all the other lights are off in the house, he reads that letter and he exhales and says, I'm going to go.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Incredible, dude. Incredible. What's it like being 67 and not worrying about money?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
So have you and your husband talked about taking in the two girls? Is that a possibility?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Yeah, it can be done. And every single person on here has remarked about we just did a thing and we just kept doing it. Consistency, consistency, consistency, consistency. And you look up and you're 33, you're 55, you're 67, and you're worth more than a million dollars. So it's just not a hack to it, man. It's just not a hack. I keep showing up and keep showing up.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Live on less than you make and save some money.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
No, would you take them if they would let you?
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
Okay, make that offer in the letter then. There you go. Yeah, maybe make that offer and say, we would love to let them grow up around their cousins and take that burden from you guys.
The Ramsey Show
Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
It's heartbreaking, man. It's heartbreaking, heartbreaking. We don't do grief well in this culture.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
I mean, you're talking about getting 100% more business. How do you expect to go about doing that? Do you even have enough Little League and high school and college players to utilize your facility?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Let me tell you this. You have to get to a point where your feelings are very important, but you have to get to a point where you're trafficking only in math. Because if you feel, you should know how many Little League teams are actually fielded in a 30-minute radius of your house.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
If you haven't already, you should be knocking on the coaches' doors of the middle school teams, the high school teams, the junior college teams, university teams. giving them special deals, going 24-7. I mean, if you're not knocking on every single door of every coach over and over and giving them coupons, I mean, that's the only way you can survive.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And if you haven't done that, then maybe you've got a shot. But the fact that you don't know, I mean, you guys are just like, no, it's a big market. Like, man, you need to know how many Little League players are in your area, right?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Okay, but here's the thing. If he is, there may become a moment that you all realize you're over your head and it's not going to work. My hope here is that there's 100% more people that y'all haven't reached out to yet.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And maybe, maybe reach out to softball teams too. And so you have softball, like if there's an equally large softball market in your area too, maybe that's a chance. Um, But yeah, otherwise you're selling assets and you're just going to go beg to the owner of this building. Hopefully your lease isn't a five-year lease or something. But yeah, this is in a really gnarly way.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
We all need to sit down with a whiteboard and be very honest about how much you owe.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Yeah, but they won't give you legal advice to just get off the phone like that. Like they've got a fiduciary interest, a licensed attorney to do what's best for you. And that's why they're not just going to rip off like, yeah, quit paying it. We'll talk to you later. They're not going to do that because it may put your mom in a situation like she's in now, which is pretty dire. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
She hates you now, but you can say it, John.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Tell me about this repaying unemployment. I've never heard that.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
I'm fascinated by something. One of the hardest things when it comes to diet, nutrition, money, school, all that, is to look in the mirror and say, what I'm doing is not working. Will you talk somebody through who's listening, who's literally living in this moment, they've got a plan here and they're moving this over here. How did you make that turn?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Because if America as a whole and as individuals could get that moment, what we're doing is not working, we got to do something else. Tell people how you came to that conclusion.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
I don't say this lightly, you are a modern American hero. Thank you. Seriously, because you're not married, you're just by yourself?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And so you had to look, you didn't have anyone to blame inside your own house, right? You had to look in the mirror and say, this is me, I'm gonna make a turn right now. And then you did an even braver thing. I'm not, I haven't been able to pull this off, I'm gonna call a coach. And people often say like, well, I don't want to pay a coach when I'm in debt.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
But you hired a coach, you've been walking with you, and it's clearly paid off for you. And you just kept going. What lit your fire a year ago that you said, all right, I'm hitting the gas even harder?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And so you've got the back two-thirds of your life. We're going to think positively here. The back two-thirds of your life. What are you going to do now that you don't owe anybody anything?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Sometimes people are on the debt-free stage and they actually paid their debt off a while ago. Have you had a month or two or a few months where your paycheck deposits and it only goes into wherever you want it to go?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Tell somebody what it feels like when that check deposits.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Yeah! Dude, that one came from your soul.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
There's like a thousand things impacting people's personal finances.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Exactly. And listen, we have to say this as clear as day. You have to file your taxes this year, despite what all the rhetoric, despite what, like, oh no, you don't understand. You have to file taxes or you'll be in violation of the law, period. Yep. Pay your taxes.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Pay your taxes, people. So I don't like it. George doesn't like it. No, none of us like it. But also, it's what we have to do. And so we pay our taxes and we move on with our life.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And let me say this one more time. Pay your taxes. Pay your taxes. And this isn't just us preaching at you. George and I have already done our family's taxes. We've already submitted them. So it's not just like a fun little game we're playing. People on the internet are like, don't pay your taxes. Those people are paying their taxes, y'all. Everybody's paying their taxes. Just get over it.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Let's get it done and move on with your life.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Hey, can I say this? I wanted to know, so before I even submitted them, I ran mine through. Oh, yeah. Ramsey SmartTax. It almost nailed it. Wow. It was amazing how good this product was to the point that it made me reconsider next year, like if I might just do it again on my own. Do I need a pro?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
I used to use Ramsey SmartTax, and then things got more complicated, and it even dealt with my complication. My wife has a small business. We went right through it, and dude, it was exquisite.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
But it's very impressive in how simple it makes everything. Yeah, love it. Very good.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Way to go on that mortgage, man. Half of America just sneezed while they were driving down the road listening.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Do you have a job on the table right now that you're weighing, or is this philosophical for you?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Do you have, so George will get into the numbers here, but let me ask you a few questions. Do you have the training to be like a teenage addiction counselor?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Okay, okay. What would keep you from keeping your job and also running meetings in the morning or running meetings in the evening? You'd be tired, of course, but what would keep you from doing that? And the reason I'm pressing on you is some of the greatest, what I would call vocational ministers, have full-time jobs. Even Paul made tents. Right.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And so people always say, like, think like in, in, in Georgia, I hear this all the time. I need to quit everything to go be a musician. I need to quit everything to go be a comedian. I need to quit everything to go be a minister. And I always want to hold off and say, could you begin to work your way into this and see, is this the, the life I want to live? Does that make sense?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And I think that's a great question. Are you running towards like a life of full-time celebrate recovery where you're working with people and you're sitting side by side with them in a psychology standpoint or a ministry standpoint, or let's just be honest, do you hate your corporate job? Because those are two different things.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
I gotcha. I gotcha. What George and I both know is one of the chief stressors in somebody's life is financial stress. And for somebody who's two years sober, I would hate to say, yep, let's take a $60,000 pay cut or a $50,000 pay cut with 10,000 bucks in the bank. Because George and I both know, man, that kind of stress just leans on you in a tough way.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
I would love to see you, no pun intended, baby, step your way into increasing your role in CR, increasing your role in AA meetings, increasing your role volunteering in local organizations and begin to see, is this the life I want to live long-term?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Who are usually, yeah, usually multiple people are wrong. What's going on?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
um and the debts have just been piling up the minimum payments been piling up and i feel like i can't breathe and i can hardly sleep at night sometimes because it's just so step one and i've been there brother i've been there i've been there with your body you feel like you're being betrayed by your own body right like it's just you're anxious all the time um the first path through is like no holds barred choose reality so be very specific how much do you owe and to who
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Okay. I can tell you right now, no, bankruptcy is not your solution here. Okay. Put that off the table. Take that out of your head. Okay. And let that give you some peace. Now, how much money do you make? Um, last growth last year, I made 65.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
They wouldn't even finish the bankruptcy paperwork in that time. They wouldn't even let you file.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
So I don't want to be overdramatic here, but your whole cadence, your whole tone changes when you talk about your job. And I wonder if you're just not in the right job.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Okay, but what did you learn to do when you were coding? You learned to solve problems. You learned to work independently. You learned to go through very fine details. And you learned to talk to knuckleheads like me who are these big artist dreamers who are like, I just wanted to feel like this. And you're like, okay.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And you took a bunch of hieroglyphic looking things in Ruby on Rails and you made it like... Dude, you're literally limitless with that degree, not just because from coding or software engineering, but because you know how to take a project from start to finish. And somehow, some way you've got your body is telling you that you're not safe. And sometimes that's because we're in the wrong place.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And I would love to see you, bro, right now, I would love to see you make 30 grand a year throwing boxes half the day and make 30 grand a year working at Starbucks the other half the day and make that same 60 grand. And you're on your feet and you're running around, but you're not having to meet sales quotas and stuff like that.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
That's keeping you up at night while you then look for a job that might be a product manager that might be able to see some of these projects from start to finish. That job is hot as could be right now. You're an engineer. Maybe not in software. Maybe AI can do that now. Okay, cool.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Where am I going to take that engineering skill set and go make somebody else's life, some customer's life, some business's life better? Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, I do. There's an underlying anxiousness. Your body doesn't believe that you're safe.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
But when it comes to the money part, brother, it's a year of obnoxious hard work, asking your friends to come over and bring whatever peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they got because that's what we're going to do. We're going to play Dungeons and Dragons or whatever weird stuff you're into. And we're going to do this for a year. And then we're going to call it.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And then I'm going to be all paid up. I'm not going to have a $35,000 truck that sits in my driveway losing money every second and makes me not able to breathe. It's not going to do it. I'm going to have a used Camry that's going to get me from A to B. But here's the deal, man. We believe in you. Hang on the line. I'm going to send you a copy of my book, Building a Non-Anxious Life for free.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
It's going to be my gift to you. I'm also going to send you Financial Peace University. I want you to watch the videos and it's going to give you peace because it's going to give you an actual plan. Okay, brother? Hang on the line here. We'll get you hooked up.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Let's pull that apart real quick. Molly, I'm going to talk to George, but I'm going to do it on your behalf, okay? Okay. Okay. George is smarter than me in some of this stuff. So, George, I'm thinking you could sell the stock and take $850,000 in cash minus whatever the... Hey, I assume you're going to have capital gains taxes on this, right?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Or after taxes, if you feel like tithing the $80,000 you actually brought home and you pay $8,000, everybody's going to be different there.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
But so if it was me, and again, take this with a grain of salt, right? If it was me, I would cash out that $850,000 and take $85,000 and tithe it to my church. And then my wife and I would decide, do we want to do something else with it? Do we want to help a kid go to college? Do we want to like what, you know, whatever.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And do you want to give to my daughter's little school or whatever we want to do with it? And then the rest of it, I would put into some sort of retirement vehicle.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And then next year, if I made an additional 10 grand, I would take that on top of my salary that I made for that year. And my wife and I would tithe 10% off top of that. Okay. And that way, for me, in my house, it would be in perpetuity, right? It would continue to be a blessing further and further.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
So can I tell you something, Molly? What? What was your dad's name?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
If I passed on, I left my daughter 850 grand, and these were the questions she was asking, I would know that I raised her right and that she's going to be a good steward of this money. You're doing a good job.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
All right, today's question comes from Paige in Ohio, and I just love this question. My husband and I are new listeners and began the baby steps late last year. I'm struggling to cope with the shame and guilt that I feel over our financial mess. It feels insurmountable even though we are working hard and seeing progress. I cry every day and it feels like we're never going to get there.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
How do I celebrate the small wins when we mark a debt off our snowball in the midst of being intense to get out of the rest of the debt? I feel like this is a really honest question. Yeah. And we don't talk about it a lot here. And we tell people just like, crush it, go kill it, go, you know, like murder it. There's another side to that.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
There's another side, which is you sitting at your kitchen table. You just drew a line through the $700 credit card. You finally got it. And your kid needs braces and your other kid needs shoes. And the next payment is $1,500. That's the next credit card. And you put $200 towards it. And you just sit there at night. The kids are asleep.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Your partner's in bed and you just have your face in your hands. And, What I would tell you, Paige, is crying is not a bad thing. Cry. That's okay. And if you find yourself unable to move and unable to take that next step, you need to call somebody.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And if you all have guilt because you all hid money from each other, you just lived rambunctiously and now you're having to tell your kids no, that's not a bad thing. And if you're ashamed of some of the things that you've bought, if you have a bunch of ATVs and a boat and a jet ski, but also $100,000 in student loan, shame's not a bad thing.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
It's when it becomes, as they say, toxic, when it becomes where you can't move and you can't hear anything positive or good. So here's the deal. Feel those feelings and just keep doing the next right thing. And that is where the magic is.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And what's going to happen is you're going to look up in seven months and you're going to have paid off several of these little tinier credit cards or you're going to plowed through one big one. And you're not even going to realize it, but you're going to find yourself standing an inch or two taller. So sometimes it takes a while for our feelings to catch up with doing the next right thing.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And George, I, for one, man, cry. That's your body getting it out. Cry. It's the only time I'm concerned is when I cry and I can't do anything or I find myself going back to old bad habits. You're sort of frozen. That's right. Or I start buying stuff again to try to make myself feel better. Or I...
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
find myself taking another drink and another drink, or I start skipping my side hustle to watch Netflix, that's when I want you to call somebody. But it feels like we're never going to get there yet. If we're honest, we are getting there. Slowly but surely, we're getting there, right? So challenge those thoughts. That's the old CBT. Challenge those thoughts and see if it's true or not.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And then let's just keep doing the next right move, man. But, Paige, this is a common thing at the very beginning where you just look back and go, oh, my gosh, how are we living, right? I've been there. I'm sure you're like, I've been there. And we don't talk about it enough, but this is a very real part of it. And then you just got to go do the next right thing.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Yeah. And there's something, there is something about some sort of cheesy project, whether it's drawing a thermometer, me and my wife hung the, the, the
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
the paper chain in our bedroom I was like I want that in the bedroom I want to see it every night and I will say this Paige and to everybody just getting started on the baby steps you're finding yourself in March of a new year you're already exhausted like you haven't been to a restaurant in three months and it's miserable and now you're on spring break and you're not going anywhere like I get it I get it you're right where you need to be
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Don't go on this adventure beating yourself up. You're only going to get so far if you're choosing to get out of debt because you hate your former self. Don't do that. Get out of debt because of who you're going to be on the other side of this thing. And where you're going to go.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Go towards something. Don't run from something. I remember, man, he's just a sage. Sal DiStefano with the mind pump guys. Guys I just love. They're fitness guys. But I remember him telling me when I was just being honest about working out. And he said, hey, if you go to the gym every day because you think you look disgusting.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
If you go to the gym every day because this is what you get because you're 10 pounds overweight, you're always going to quit. You're always going to quit because your body can only take hating itself so long.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
But if he says, if you get up every day and you're like, dude, I get an hour, I'm worth an hour. to where I can just go feel good, he said, you'll do that the rest of your life. And that was such a light bulb for me. I went to the gym because I didn't like how I looked, not because it makes me a better husband and a dad. And when I made that switch, now it's something I look forward to.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
It's something I get to do, even when I don't want to, versus something I have to do because it's my punishment for the day, for being unattractive, right? Same with your money, right?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
That's exactly right. That's good. We're going towards something, not just continually running with our head over our shoulder.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
We're cheering you on. Blessings, man.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Will they listen to you? If you went and sat down with them and said, hey, I want to get an honest, true, what is reality picture financially? I want you all to both pull your credit reports. Will they hear you on that? Are they drowning enough to where they're willing to accept help? Or are you just concerned and they don't really care what you have to say?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Yikes. That's got to be awkward. You need to call my show. We've talked about that.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Bro, go down this weekend and you'll get married. How long have you been dating?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
What are you waiting on? Actually, you're 20. That's fine. I get it. His prefrontal cortex has not developed yet, John. I know, but he's got five years left on that prefrontal cortex.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Why? You're already living together. Just call it. Is she the one?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
All right. Take some of that extra money and go get a ring this weekend and y'all go wrap it up.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Yeah, it's amazing. Imagine if my show and the Ramsey show had a kid, and then that kid was let loose on a stage. That's what this show will be. It's going to be a blast.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
If you ever wonder, like, did they edit stuff out? Yes. And this will be the unedited version.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Yeah. How are you having trouble keeping it together? Did you take on debt? I have...
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Yeah. I don't know who gave her that. If a licensed attorney answered the phone and just said, yes, ma'am, I'm not going to take your case, but just pay all your, just quit paying and went on. Or if she's got a friend who's a licensed attorney, like at a church who said, oh yeah, just quit paying. That person should lose their license. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
No. Yeah, please, please, please, please, please take it from two guys who've been down that road. Don't do that. I would rather see you go four years and get out of school scratching and clawing and barely making it every month and you get out and you have a degree and you don't owe anybody anything other than having a car that is now worth 35 or 40% of what you bought it for and being stuck.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
You've got a good deal. You live in one of the most expensive places to live. It's very expensive. A cost of living in West Haven, Connecticut is very expensive. Why did you pick that place?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
7k you say 7k per year uh i mean i know it's reasonable but 650 is very good deal but listen um there is a there's there's it kind of barbells right it kind of is an either or there are students in the united states who borrow everything and live high on the hog for four years and then they end up calling this show because they are have run their life into the ground
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
The other part of the culture that doesn't get much media play is millions and millions of students scratch and claw their way through. And they work as waiters and then they get up in the morning and they drive Uber and they live in the cheapest apartment they can safely live in. And then they just bide their time for four years.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
and they take advantage of the school health clinic, and they take advantage of the school counseling system, and they take advantage of the school gym, and they keep their expenses low. So if you've got free tuition in the US, you're already way far ahead. Don't make it worse by borrowing money. I would much rather, you're on the right path.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
I'm going to send you, we're going to send you Financial Peace University. And it's a class that 10 million plus people have gone through to teach them just what you're experiencing is how do we manage this money? Okay. And if you'll watch these lessons, it will give you a play-by-play on how to do it. Okay? But, man, you're ahead of the game. You're ahead of the game. You're ahead of the game.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
If she sat down and hired a lawyer who went through everything and found some reason why she didn't have to pay, that's another story, but that doesn't sound like the case here.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And I know you feel like you're not. I'm telling you, you are. And you're going to look up in four years and have a U.S. degree. You're going to have learned some great skills. And please don't owe anybody any money when it's over, especially not on a depreciating asset. What I mean by that is when you buy a car, the moment you drive it off the lot, it has lost money. And every day it loses money.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
It just becomes worth less and less and less, but your payment never changes. Okay? Okay.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Yes, yes. And here's the other thing. Anybody who tells you otherwise isn't telling you the truth. I was a dean of students at a law school and I drove a $3,500 truck because me and my wife were trying to get out of debt. And she was a professor and she drove, it was probably a $4,000 Corolla. And nobody cared. They just wanted to know, are you showing up and doing a great job at your job?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Have collectors started coming after her? Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And so when you're young, people are like, no, dude, they won't take you seriously if you don't have this car.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
dude they don't pay your bills show up and do a great job at school and be able to focus on school and dude you need you need as little stress as possible trying to figure out a new culture new languages new schooling stuff you don't need to add financial stress to a bank on there so yeah go buy yourself a five thousand dollar car man it's going to be an old camry find yourself an old truck it's not going to be sexy it's not going to look great it will get you to and from
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
We're glad you're here. Go to school and get a great degree, man.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
You get to sell this house and pay off all these debts.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
You don't know what the payment's going to be?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
You said you maxed your credit cards out. How bad is that?
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Yeah, but you're not going to get 50%, right? You need this thing to be making $75,000 to $100,000 a month. $100,000.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
What about your insurance? You have to be insured in case a kid gets hit by a ball or turns his ankle and sues you for the whole thing.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Okay, so are you never going to take a vacation? No.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
Have you sat down, if you haven't, please, like anytime somebody's in this level of stress, whether it's in their marriage, with a new business, there has to be a moment in this chaos when everybody exhales and you and your husband get a whiteboard and you write down on that whiteboard every single person you owe.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
And then you also on that whiteboard write down every single dollar it costs to run this thing every month. Because right now, y'all are robbing Peter to pay Paul. You've got money coming in one way. Some of this is borrowed. You've got a credit card over here. It just feels like it's everywhere. I don't think – I don't know if you can – you can't see me and George.
The Ramsey Show
This Is How You Take Control of Your Own Life
I don't think you understand how bad this is.
The Ramsey Show
Nobody Builds Wealth by Accident
I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too.
The Ramsey Show
Nobody Builds Wealth by Accident
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
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Nobody Builds Wealth by Accident
It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever you want to call yourself, we all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
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Nobody Builds Wealth by Accident
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Nobody Builds Wealth by Accident
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The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Toxic Money Situations Keep You Trapped
Doing good. How can we help? Yeah. So is there a point where a 401k match is too good to turn down in Baby Step 2? A little back story. Right now I'm about 30 years old. I make $190,000 a year, and the company offers a 4-to-1 401k match up to 15% on their end. So I put in $4,000, they put in $15,000.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Toxic Money Situations Keep You Trapped
Yeah, I think that makes sense. I mean, it slows us down by one month at the end of it, but at retirement age, that would go to about a million dollars.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Toxic Money Situations Keep You Trapped
One month is what you're saying, is what you would not... Yeah, about $7,600 a month is what we're putting in, including our minimum payments.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Toxic Money Situations Keep You Trapped
Towards debt? Into debt payments right now. And that's about what I contribute yearly. to 401k at 4%.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Toxic Money Situations Keep You Trapped
About $500 a month is in the raw, so about $6,000.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Toxic Money Situations Keep You Trapped
About $80,000. So it's a delay of one month.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Toxic Money Situations Keep You Trapped
We have a kid on the way, so we have about $10,000 in stork mode.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Toxic Money Situations Keep You Trapped
A little higher than our max out-of-pocket.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Toxic Money Situations Keep You Trapped
No, the company has matched and put it into that. So then that comes out to about $35,000.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
We're hungry. So, yeah, tell us where you're at.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
minus your mortgage on that place minus the expenses minus the depreciation minus the upkeep minus the oh hey we need to do a new roof minus the hey the air conditioner went out minus the hey the they flushed a whole bunch of grease down the toilet and so now we have to replace the sewer main like minus all of that stuff what rachel and i are trying to i guess trying to gently steer you in what feels like a so much money you can't afford to sell it or move into it yourself
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
What I'm telling you is in five years, you're going to much rather wish you had a paid for own house than have a paid for rental house. And you and your wife are still trying to figure out how you can pay your mortgage every month. So it feels like a lot right now, but you haven't had a big expense. You haven't had the thing almost fall down.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
You haven't had that kind of stuff that hits every single home manager out there. Do you get what I'm saying?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
If I was you, I would spend one year at this gift that my mom and dad are giving me and we would save every possible penny and I would sell the rental property.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Like just know this, if you could figure out a way at 25 or 26, reverse engineer this. We have a paid for primary house, me and my new wife. We've been married five years. We're gonna start having children. We're gonna start having kids and we have a paid for house, no mortgage.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I'm telling you right now, you have set yourself on, have you heard the phrase in the, because I can tell you read all this stuff. Have you heard of take care of your long tails? Have you heard of that phrase?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Okay, so if you think of a distribution on a bell curve, the long tails are the way outside of the bounds things that almost never happen except for every single person they do happen. And what I mean is every single day of your life you don't get a cancer diagnosis, someday somebody you love will. Okay, that's taking care of your long tails.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Long tail is the market will go up, rent will go out, COVID will happen, renters won't pay. Whatever happens, you'll have a legislative change in your state where they say you can't evict people. Who knows what happens down the road?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But if you've taken care of this long tail that nobody can take away your primary home, you and your wife have a home that nobody can take, it allows you to anchor off and really go after true wealth creation.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
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Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
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Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
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Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
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The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I'm telling you, go get a new truck, Dan.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Hey, Dan, here's the hard thing. I'll answer it, but here's the hard thing.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
The answer to this question has nothing to do with them.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But here's the thing. It was never about you. Right. Right. They're struggling. And so it sounds like what, especially your sister, but I'm sure deep down you're dealing with it too, is you're frustrated at the future guilt that may come your way.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But here's what's hard. If you live like that right now, what you're doing is you're not mitigating the guilt in the future. You're just spoiling today.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And so I'm going to choose for peace and joy and warmth and laughter in the right now, and I'm going to be very clear about my boundaries moving forward.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
right and so the the harder conversation will be sitting down with your brother and sister who are adults who could have never like they could care less what you have to teach them they think like i'm sure they're when they get coffee together they're talking about you got you and your sister all they do is work and they never whatever is is saying hey here's the distribution um there there's don't come for up to us
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Yes. I heard Becky Kennedy say this. Dr. Kennedy say this. And I loved it. She said a boundary is something that requires nothing from anyone else other than you.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
So you're going to set this boundary. We're all going to be clear. There's no more money after this. And if you as a loving brother want to say, I'll hook you up with the Ramsey solutions. I'll hook you up with the plan that set me and my wife free. Y'all want that? Great. I'm not going to preach to you. I need everybody. It needs to be on record that y'all are getting a check for $750,000.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Y'all are going to have to learn to manage this because when you're 80, you can't come knocking on my door. Here's the other side of that. You and your wife might sit down and say, when that day comes, are we really going to leave our brother on the street? And if not, then say, okay, then we'll start a small fund. Like, y'all get to decide what you do with that moving forward.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But what y'all are doing, you and your sister are doing, is you're living every minute frustrated by things that other grown adults are choosing to not do.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And they haven't even happened, exactly. You're 100% correct. Brene Brown calls it dress rehearsing tragedy. I love that. So you're already having imaginary conversations that you at 82 are going to have with an 80-year-old little brother. Don't do that. You're just blowing your, like, you should be laughing, especially when you're truck shopping, because God, get a new truck, dude.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
How is he supporting five kids, one on the way with being a bus driver?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But, and I'm playing with you. My truck has 200,000 miles, so I'm with you. I'm with you. But you get what I'm saying?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Yeah, they don't get a vote. Who cares?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But also, your parents put her in a very maternal role.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I would sit down with your sister and say, as your little brother or as your older brother, I want to remind you, they have a mom. And it's not you. All her job is to distribute the funds in the way that mom asked. That's it.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I'm not going to manage you. I'm not going to try to pseudo parent through mom from the grave. I'm not doing any of that stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
She has to decide I'm not going to be their 78-year-old mother. I'm going to be their older sister just doing what mom asked me to do.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
They sound like a lot of Americans right now that think it's just going to continually go on forever and ever. Amen. And it's not.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And just because you feel guilty doesn't mean it's not the wrong decision. Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you're doing the wrong thing. You're a good man, man. Congratulations.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
This segment is also brought to you by Bob's Reading Course. Bob's. Teaching Rachel Cruz how to read.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
The Y Refi people are like, man, we got our money out of that ad.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
He's like, there's just so many words when you read. There's words everywhere. Today's question comes from Alexandra in Arizona. My 14-year-old daughter claims that all the kids in school... Dude, I just had this in my house.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
My 14-year-old daughter claims that all the kids in school are buying lunches from local eateries and spending as much as 20 bucks a day on takeout food rather than bringing their lunch.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
My wife and I are on baby step two and have another $65,000 to go. We simply cannot afford this. How do I explain this to my 14-year-old without, in her words, making her feel poor? Okay. I think underneath all of this, I'm just going to tell you, Rachel, how I experienced this. Very similar. The school my son goes to has extraordinary cafeteria.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And I, for me and Sheila, it's less about the finances and it's more about I want him to participate in
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
food um creation and food consumption i want him to know that food just doesn't materialize out of thin air right and so that may that's a little little house on the prairie for us i know but so you don't let him buy from the cafeterias that's right so he has to be a part of making his food and so underneath this though i struggled with my kids the only one
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And so I think Alexandra, it's less about you worrying about your 14 year old feeling poor. And it's more about you feeling guilty that your 14 year old has any sort of uncomfortable feelings. And that's where you need to deal with this. So if you can't afford it, then the way you go straight into that is sitting down with your daughter and letting her walk through your budget with you. She's 14.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
She's a freshman in high school. She can do that. And you look at it and say, we're working really hard to change our family tree. We don't have enough money. And by the way, for a 14 year old, they don't care. They're going to have feelings. They're going to get mad. Oh my gosh, we're poor. Let a 14 year old say 14 year old things.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
There's a reason as a society, we have all said 14 year olds can't buy beer and cigarettes and guns because they're 14. The other side of that is you need to become more comfortable with your 14-year-old being uncomfortable.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And so the greatest gift you can give 14 year old is not $20 a day for lunch. It is the ability to tolerate discomfort and go forward anyway.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And that's a lesson every human will learn.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Most days now adults call into the show saying I'm $140,000 in student loan debt. I'm trying to live in New York City and I want to be a...
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
This is that they're... Yeah, they leave campus.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
So a great gift you give your 14 year old is let her experience that now. And let her just know that she's not alone experiencing that. Let her know, I wish I could just give you 20 bucks every day. That'd be awesome. And it's not reality. That'd be cool. It's crazy. And just for whoever's listening, because evidently there's at least two of us in the country dealing with this.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
The two ways we've mitigated this in our house, and you don't mitigate it, you just walk through it, is a lot of the time our kids participate in cooking the night before. And so the leftovers are not just leftovers that...
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
um were shoved out in the fridge it was something that they participated in cooking the night before and they've got a steak in it right they got skin in the game or um just yesterday my son was cooking chicken nuggets or something before school in the oven and that's what he's going to put in a container to take to school so he gets to take as luxurious lunch as he wants to but he's going to be he's going to make it and it's going to be from our what we have in the fridge yeah and so that comes with planning and meal planning all that kind of stuff so all i have to say is
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But Holly, what I'm hearing underneath everything is how much of this is, and all of these things are real and they're not inherently bad. I just want to get to the honest pain point here. Number one, when I was, I'm trying to think of my last title. When I was the chief student affairs officer, dean of students slash associate provost, I remember what my title was. It was long.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. . . . . .. a, P P P P P P P P P P 100實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a little a , . . . . .. a P P P P P P P P P P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a Laboratory a
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I remember my wife, and this is her laughing and joking, but also like when she was at a dinner party, she sure liked saying my husband is dean of students and a college executive, then a YouTuber. Does it matter that financially we're better off? Does it matter that I'm helping way more people? It was a funny thing, but she's like, yeah, it was cool when I got to say that.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But mom and a 13-year-old can move to a condo.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And have no upkeep and have no whatever. You get a lot of equity, cash in the bank, and you get to breathe.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
um yeah i mean i i'm just being as honest as i can if there's just me and one kid right i wouldn't have a 1.6 million dollar house right in this much money stress i just wouldn't but that's easy for me to say on the side of the yeah yeah call your mortgage company and check out about a recast um and see if they can drop your payment it's not a refi but it may help you in this situation thanks for the call julia we're so sorry this is the ramsey show
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
So is this you don't like going to... Talking to other moms and saying, well, my husband's a bus driver? Is that number one? Number two, I hear you... You've entered into comparison world or scorekeeping world and that's a dangerous place for relationships. I gave up my career. I'm doing this.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Hey, what's up, man? Hey, Rachel just said that funny. Like, we have a Christian. We have a Catholic in Boston. We have this awesome guy named Christian. What's up, dude?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I'm working so hard and I'm about to not be able to work hard because I'm creating another human I'm about to give birth to. And so is this about you keeping score and saying, hey, you're not as tired at the end of the day as I am? Or is this, I'm looking at a man I love who can give value to the world, and we don't have enough for groceries. Where's the pain point here?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
What will this watch bring you, like in your chest? If you have your fist on your chest, what will this watch bring you?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Right, right. Yeah. I would guess this. So, Rachel, tell me... Rachel is better at this than me. I have bought guitars that are really expensive that I've thought were going to fill a hole in my heart and they didn't. I love them. And I told people like, no, they have a kind of tone or they put, I needed this guitar to make myself feel better. So there was that.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I'll also tell you just as a 25 year old and I'm in my forties, the single greatest flex I've ever seen when it comes to watches was doing an event with Jocko Willink. And dude rolls up with a Timex. And we were talking about his watch. And the way he said it, and you know Jocko from the internet.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But the way he said, it tells the same time that everybody else, the other watch tells. I just remember thinking, you're the baddest dude I've ever met. Not to mention he's Jocko, but it was a...
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Yeah. And I guess that would be my warning to you as a 25-year-old is if you want nice things and you got cash and you're like whatever, whatever.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Yeah, you can afford it. Fine. The thing is I think sometimes – I remember being 25. I remember being 35 and thinking I needed a pair of jeans. I needed a car that said – I needed shoes that said X, Y, and Z. And now that I'm older – and I've hired a bunch of people in my life, and I'm meeting people all over the country, I was actually completely opposite wrong.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Or maybe it's a cocktail of all of that.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
The eyebrow gets raised when somebody walks into somewhere nice and they've got jeans on because you think, oh, that guy knows something I don't know. Or when they pull out their Timex and you know they're worth millions and millions of dollars, you end up going...
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Think like whatever car you drive, that nice of a purse.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
huh oh you guys got on oh okay christian i've got an amazon watch for 15 john how much do you have this is such a flip of the script which i love i've got this dope um garmin watch i love garmin watches a free ad for garmin they're the best i love them um while we're on this topic uh rachel tell us about how much your car that you've rolled into the parking lot costs because mine costs four thousand dollars you
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
We love nice stuff. I'll also say this. If at 25 you can wrap your head around this idea, because you have chosen to live the way you live, you have the opportunity, and I didn't find this out until I was old, you can buy it once really nice.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
If you buy with cash, if you buy a super nice pair of Wolverine thousand mile boots, you can resole them and you can take care of them and you can give them to your grandkids. But they're really expensive out of the gate, right? And so if you say, I want to buy a couple of really nice watches, I love them. I'm kind of a watch guy and that's cool and awesome.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And no, this will fill no gap in my soul. I won't feel any better about myself. In fact, I'll feel a little bit weird because I'm going to see somebody who needs money the following day or whatever. I know some people who have a rule that if they buy something really nice, they give that amount away or a percentage of that amount away just to balance their own soul out, whatever.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But I love the idea of buying once and letting that just be that. I'm going to buy a nice... Go ahead.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I love Dave saying like, if you can light it on fire, if you could take that pile of cash, if you can take 5,000 bucks, set it on fire on your kitchen table and watch it burn to ash.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And you're okay. It won't prohibit you.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Well, and you could be pathological. I would love for you to also like get a nice watch, dude. You sound like you got a level head, man. Get a nice watch and also start laying the groundwork to get your money out of crypto, whatever nonsense you have it in and buy yourself a house. that nobody can ever take from you, right? Some of those more stable assets that you can anchor into.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
That's where you start. That right there is the most honest statement. Because that's different than you called in saying, and again, I'm with you, not at you, okay? But that's you calling in saying, I have to tell my husband I don't care about his dreams and his whatever. He's got to get another job. That's different than you saying, hey, honey, we're about to face a math problem.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
You should just break up with her, dude. John, I'm serious. I mean, cause here's the thing. You're both going to bring crap into this relationship, both of you. And some of it you'll know right away, like $70,000 in debt. And if you're already thinking that's hers in like, she's bringing this into this and I don't want any part of it. Like that's just a down the road.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
You're going to run into, Oh, I want to raise kids like this, but this is my, how my dad did it. Or I don't want to live in this neighborhood or this house. Like you're just like, if that's the, if that's your first impulse is what about me, then you're not ready to get married yet.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
If she has $70,000 of debt and you're like, dude, I don't care what mountain I have to move, I want you to be my wife and I want to build a life with you, like hell or high water, you and I are paying this stuff off together, then awesome, you're off to the races. We would never tell you don't get married because of student loan debt.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
So when I say just break up with her, does that give you peace or does that make you mad?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And me, as a stay-at-home mom of six, I'm terrified.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Okay, what's beneath that? Where else does that show up in your relationship?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I think y'all should explore that conversation.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Cleanliness. How does the house look? Where do we live? And here's what, if you ask me what my big fear for you all right now is, and I'm not judging you for this, I'm just calling it out. There's already a piece of you that feels like, well, I'm doing this and you're not doing that. Or to put it in a nerd terms, you're already in the scorekeeping world.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But here's the question. You're asking her to go back in time and sign up for values that you had before y'all started dating, and that's not fair. I hear that about sex. I hear that about money. I hear that about debt, about, well, I did all of this stuff, and we just met, and now we're doing this, and I don't feel like they... Dot, dot, dot. Dude, they didn't sign up for that set of values.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
The question is, will she agree to live a debt-free life moving forward with you? Because you say, that's the way I feel like our family will be the most safe moving into the 21st century. And if she says, eh, I don't care. Now you'll have a values issue. It's less about, do you all have the same beliefs? Me and my wife have way different beliefs on all kinds of stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But one of our core values is, if one of us raises a flag and says, this is a huge deal to me, the other person says, well, I don't give a crap. I'm in. I'm in. So if you're honest and say, this really is important to me that we commit before we get married. I never want this family to be owned by a bank, by a car dealership, by whatever. And she's like, oh, I'm going to have a Tahoe.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Yeah, you know, y'all make like this sounds awful, but y'all made choices to have six to create six humans. So that means you can't afford to make $42,000. That's that's the trend.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Then just know that y'all are going to have problems. Like insurmountable problems because they're value problems. Yeah, definitely. Does that make sense? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, man. I feel like I just ruined your afternoon. I understand, man. But I want you to also be very careful because you're not better than her. Yeah, I'm not saying that.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But that frustration builds up and that's how it comes out. Is I've done all this and you haven't done anything, right? And so it's kind of like, okay, can we agree on values? But almost always those values conversations, brother, start with you sitting down saying, I'm scared about X, Y, and Z. It's important to me that our family never be owned by somebody. Are you in on that?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
That means we're gonna have to sacrifice here. We're gonna have to work really hard for two years after we get married to pay off your debts. And that means you're gonna have to get a full-time job, all those kinds of things. but it starts with you saying what you really feel. What do you think, Rachel?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Yeah, the world will give you enough resistance.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
You can't be fighting your partner while you're also trying to take on the world. It has to be you, y'all two versus the world.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Otherwise, it just gets sideways really quick.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I mean, that's... It's heartbreaking, but it is. Rachel, like... Man, on my show, on the other show that I'm a part of, I get this all the time. I chose to not drink in high school and college and this person did. And so now, right? And I always want people to go back and say, you can't judge somebody on values they didn't have before you met them. The question is, can we unite right now?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
And if you can't get over that, then you can't bring, you're bringing baggage to the relationship.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But y'all aren't going to be able to do side hustles anymore. You're out.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Are you behind on your utilities and property taxes?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Well, let me tell you this, Jessica. Um, number one, I'm super, super proud of you. Congratulations.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
That's awesome. Um, the second thing is, is, and I know you've probably heard this over and over and over in your meetings, but you have to, have to, have to, have to, have to go get a job ASAP. It doesn't have to be a full-time job and it for sure is not going to be your dream job or your passion job or whatever. But think of it this way. Um,
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
If you think of alcohol, like yourself chained to a bottle, you've been unchained for 40 days. But grandma calling you, the government calling you, your utilities possibly going to get cut off. That's like a squat rack. It's like you're sitting under a squat rack and you got a squat bar on your back. And so now you're unchained, but you still can't run free. And so...
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
So if I'm you, I would sit down and start with, I want to map this out for the next six months. I want us to be honest about the money, not, well, I hope here, and I think I've got a deal here, and I'm trying to build this. We're not at that place right now. I want to be honest about what's coming down the road for six months. We need to sit down and make a plan. I'm scared to death.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
What I'm telling you is if you go get a job, even working 20 hours, you clock in, you clock out, and you're baby-stepping your way into full-time employment, getting your feet underneath you, you're 40 days sober, you're still, I mean, your legs are still wobbling. I get it. Every minute you're making a choice to do the next right thing.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
If you go get a job working 15 hours a week, 20 hours a week, and you can contribute to this thing, it will be like putting, it will be like jet fuel to your life chain.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
uh because the government's right there we're gonna we're gonna pay those off this month grandma i mean you could even show her your you know you guys make a timetable and say how many hours i would give her a payment schedule because my guess is grandma's calling because y'all have had y'all have had challenges in the past and she's worried accountable she wants to make sure she gets her money back so you and husband make a map here's a 12 month payment schedule we're going to pay you this much 250 bucks every month or whatever it is and then you will be paid off by this date she's not hassling you she can check it off every month
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But like Rachel said, you can't keep robbing Peter to pay Paul. They're going to cut your lights off. They're going to take your house away.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
So I know grandma's hassling you and as she should be, and she's frustrated, but you can't let him take your home.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
So let's get a payment schedule and give it to her.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Oh, you can't do that anymore. Sharon, I'm so sorry.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
You have to, you have to let them, let them know that you love them, but yeah, you can't breathe, hon.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Will you help me with this? And this is not, that's how you get underneath the dream part. I need this written down. How much money will you bring in from these side hustles? Not fantasy, not fiction. I needed to know based on the last three months, what are we going to do the next three or six months? And then you look and say, we don't have enough money for you to go be a teacher.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Yeah. And I know you, you want to do this ministry and I know you do good work for people, but, um, you got to take care of your family and you've dug yourself a pretty big hole, but, and you got to go get it.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
It's a 50% raise, let me put it that way. And 45 is not enough, but that's a 50% raise.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Even if you have to take $5,000 down to the credit union and you're upside down on it, I'd rather you do that because then you own the $10,000. You're going to take a $5,000 loan out, pay the difference off because you're upside down and take out a $5,000 loan by car.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
But no, do not, do not, do not file bankruptcy. You're not there yet. Hang on the line. We'll hook you up with Financial Peace University and the EveryDollar Premium app for free and give you the education that you're missing. But do not file bankruptcy. You're not there yet.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I want you to be, we need good teachers. I would love for more men to be teachers, but our family as for us right now, we can't afford to do that. And so we're going to have to make some, we're going to have to make some sacrifices, whether it's time, whether it's this quote unquote passion and purpose right now, we just can't do it.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Yes. It's going to be a wild tour, me and Dave.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Yeah. And it will be wheels off, which I'm looking forward to.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
You are one of only like a few people on the planet who have had the experience of being on stage with Dave when y'all kind of have an outline of what y'all are going to do.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Nowadays people like in, you know, this, we both do it, but you get on like a tour cycle. And so if you hear like your favorite person on a podcast and you see them pop up, sometimes we just have the same points talking about the same thing. What I love about this is whatever night you show up, it's going to be a different event, man. And I don't get to do that very often, so I'm excited about it.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Is this disagreement your dad wanting you to get out?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
I thought I was counting down by the minute, but congratulations, brother. That's awesome.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Oh, fantastic. This is incredible. Okay. Okay, dig in. I don't care. Like, this is a wife that's at the end of her rope.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
You're getting married in 56 days, dude.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
This is a wife at the end of her rope. I don't care what your stupid dreams are. I don't care when you think the Avon sales are going to finally come through.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Okay. Yeah. But if you're, what are you going to pay out in rent if you get and go rent your own place?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
That's living in mommy and daddy's house. So when you decide you and your wife are going to move into your own place, what will your rent on that place be?
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
No, here's what I'm trying to, the picture I'm trying to paint for you. As a 21 year old, you're so far ahead of the game. You're thinking about owning your own business. You're thinking about becoming a property owner and a property manager and all that, which is awesome. I'm proud of you.
The Ramsey Show
Big Life Changes Demand Bold Money Decisions
Um, and so at 21 as a salesman making an unstable commission, like a, you have great month, you might have a good month and then you have three or four low months, just that steady drum beat where it feels like you're getting $2,400 every month.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
Hey, I'm doing well. Thanks so much for taking my call. Sure, what's up? Yeah, look, I've just been listening for the last few weeks. Just a recent listener here, and I really appreciate all the advice you've been giving. I'm trying to balance a couple things. So I have sort of two questions. One is related to a really expensive mortgage I have.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
I bought a house a few years ago and I discovered soon enough that it was a bit of a lemon. Since then I've been sort of spending all of my time repairing this house and trying to get it up to market value in hopes to, oh, I don't know, rent it or sell it or do something with it that could be profitable. And the second thing is that, you know, a couple,
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
years ago, I also met a lovely lady and, uh, she's just, uh, some about last year, uh, moved in with me and spent a bit of a struggle trying to, uh, have enough time for the relationship, manage the finances, um, as I sort of continue to progress with this very expensive mortgage.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
My take-home is about $7,700 a month.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
It's been tricky. Are you running up credit card debt? I don't have any consumer debt.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
It's pretty tight, yeah. I've had to do a lot of the house repairs myself.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
Oh, I have to keep a pretty tight budget. That's right.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
I agree with you. You need to sell this house yesterday.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
Yeah, yeah. So I have about 30 in emergency and about 80 in stocks.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
I would say, you know, maybe $1,000, maybe $1,500. Yeah, okay.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that's really it. Should I jump ship? Yes. That's it. It's killing you.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Give All Your Money to Banks and Wonder Why You’re Broke
Like... It's in a high-value neighborhood. I guess. It's a rental market here, high-end demand, San Francisco. Higher than your income. It's hard not to see the scars, and the grass is always greener on the other side, so to speak. The grass is always greener over the septic tank, yeah. Yeah, exactly.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I can tell you. Can I tell you this? I actually brought it up recently. I told my wife, hey, the ring I bought her was when I was a school teacher, and I would like to upgrade it. That's the word the kids use. And she said, I'm going to ask you, please don't do that. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to carry around something fancy. I love this thing. It means what it means to me.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And I'd rather spend our money elsewhere. And obviously, I married somebody who's practical and pragmatic. But also, yeah, it became kind of what this last call was about. I wanted to buy a new ring for me.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Well, then Jared was out in the back, like, smoking a cigarette, and he's like, wait, wait, wait, hold on. Hold my beer. One year of your... I don't know what Jared was doing, but, like, I... Just gotten out of control.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
It's a symbol that says... Now and forever. I'll be right here until death do us part.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
All right, then here's the thing. Most people don't get that clear of a response. Now you have a choice to make. And I wish it wasn't this complicated. I mean, I wish it wasn't this simple, but it truly is.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. Hey, check this out. Investing can be overwhelming and confusing, and it's not something you can get in a 60-second social media post. If you're unsure of where to start or afraid to make a mistake, our Investing Essentials virtual event is going to teach you everything you need to know about how to get started and how to maximize your investments.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Sounds like a lot. If you end up making a few tweaks and you end up with millions of dollars over the next 10, 15, 20, 30 years, there will be a drop in the bucket, money well spent. It's also the only place that Dave's going to get personal with his playbook on real estate investing, explaining how he's made hundreds of millions of dollars in property investments.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And by the way, this isn't one of those scams where you leverage this and you flip the tax and slap it up, flip it and reverse it. This is an actual guy who owns property. hundreds of millions of dollars of real estate. He owns it. He doesn't have some bank that's leveraged to another bank and a partridge in a pear tree. He's going to teach you how he did it.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
You can invest with confidence and start building wealth. Get your tickets today at ramsaysolutions.com slash events or click the link in the show notes if you're listening on podcast or watching on the tubes.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
he doesn't like it when i say it like this but he's the reverse of almost anyone i've ever met and that is um the only other people i've ever met like him are kind of like professional fighters who are super gentle and kind because they can beat up everybody and so they're so kind they have nothing to prove and so when you meet them and you're like oh you're a fighter like ah no no no no like they're very dismissive like that dave is like that in on the radio he's like oh shucks right he's goodwill hunting
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah. And by the way, if you file for divorce and they do a forensic investigation into all of his slash y'all's, because you're from Texas, y'all's money, it's all going to be put on the table.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
He's a math savant who pulls these things together and has formulas and equations. It's when he started doing quadratic algebra, and he's like, all right, we're going to go into the board. I was like, you lost me, brother. But there's a method to this madness, and it's not just an angry guy popping off. It's a guy who's done the math, and more importantly, he's lost it all.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And even more importantly, he's actually done the work to own hundreds of millions of dollars of real estate. He owns it outright. he's not leveraged up to his eyeballs like most people in his situation are. And he's able to teach, here's why I'm doing what I'm doing. And most people are like, oh yeah, but what? All right, here you go. Bluff called. Here's all the math. Here's my portfolio.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Here's how and why I do this. Here's my ratios. And it's 199 bucks. It's a ticket to the mind behind the madness.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
So he can be a grownup adult and be an actual married man who loves and honors his wife and his kids and like share the family finances together, or he can put it all on the table with the help of an attorney and a forensic accountant that he's going to pay for.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And listen, everybody's going to tell you about this.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
It's going to go to zero. Oh, my gosh. Do you know what we're saying? It's all coming down.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
They're all going to tell you that. You want to have a fun game? It's called Guess Georgia's Credit Score. Ready, go. Ooh, this is fun.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Can I ask you another weird question? Like, do I want to hang out with you? Do I want to call you? Do we vibe? Do we have some chemistry here?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
That was part of my thought. My smart investor pro, he was a close friend of mine before. In fact, I didn't even know he was in the program. I didn't know he was a part of it. But he knows me well enough. We make jokes. He'll send me an email or a text message and say, hey, you're about to get an email. Just don't open it because he knows that I overreact and I panic and I get all like, ah.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
So like, but that's a level of like, I want that guy to be, I don't know if be my friend. I want to keep it a professional relationship, but is there somebody that I like and somebody that I innately trust? Right. I think that's just really important. They're taking care of an important part of your family's future.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Sorry, man. It's okay. I was distracted there for a second.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, it felt like you threw it pretty hard. Yeah. The Ramsey Show question of the day. Here we go. Brought to you from Lucia in New Jersey. My sister's going through a divorce and has to refinance her home to remove her ex-husband from the mortgage. She asked if I would add her as an authorized user on my credit card, but not to give her a card so she won't be able to use it.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
She says it would just help her credit score so that she can get a better rate when she refinances. Okay. Never done this, so I'm not sure if it will affect my credit score, which is in the 800s. Do you see any red flags with this plan? Too many to count. All I see is all red flags.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And let me just put this out there. I know it's one of those things where you say something like this, and those who don't need to hear it take it to heart, and those who do need to hear it won't hear you anyway. If you need help financially from a friend, say, I need some money.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah. And you need to go talk to somebody today.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
like that's the that's the cleanest clearest way to say i need some help but asking them to co-sign to ask to here we've been authorized used you're on a credit card but you keep the card you don't like now you're asking me to be your babysitter to be your mom to also be your financial advisor and when you need a card and i won't give it to you then you i get to be your punching bag
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Like, you are choosing to disrupt the friendship and kind of blow it up. I'd rather a friend come to me and say, hey, I'm in a pickle. I need X amount of dollars than to come up with some scheme as to, like, this is how it could work and won't affect you, but it'll help me. It just causes problems down the road.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
This is going to be me being really callous, okay?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And you have to make sure your four walls, your bills, your heat, your water, your transportation, clothes on your back, you got to make sure those things are steady before you have any business jumping in and helping somebody else. And I know that's hard to hear. I'm concerned on multiple levels. When he got sick, did he not have a job? Did he not have health insurance or anything like that?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And that's not a judgment question. I know there's millions of Americans stuck there.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Because you can't be his full-time caretaker through this. And his full-time funder. Here's the thing. You have no... This is going to sound awful, okay? I'm just being as direct as I can because I love you. You have no... You're dumping money into this situation with... You don't know the medical history. All you know is what he tells you. You don't know where this thing heads.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I'd much rather see his family circle up and support him and love him through this, and you be the person that you can't, the girlfriend, the one who loves him. Emotional support, not financial. But you are playing all the parts of his life, and that's a tough, tough thing for you, and you can't even pay your own bills.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I don't understand what you're asking. If you have an exit strategy that's going to take care of you for the rest of your life and take care of you and your kids, I don't know what you're asking.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
It's just too big for one person who's got to work one to two jobs just to pay the rent on their apartment.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
He's got brain cancer. He needs to go get well. Yeah. And I get that's easy for me to say. Of course he's got to feel bad. Any self-respecting romantic partner would feel bad. But, like, he needs to heal. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, that's a whole different kind of cancer.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, listen, I honor you for loving him and trying to take care of him. I love that, love that. But man, if you go underwater, everybody drowns. So he needs to go back home with his family. He's not your husband. He needs to go back home with his family and get back on his feet there. And y'all can decide what the long-term relationship is going to be between you two moving forward.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
That's between you and your lawyer. I can't. I mean, I'm not looking at it. I don't have it. I don't know what you're dealing with at home. I just know you're in a very abusive situation and it's hard to see the forest from the trees. And I'm telling you that you're worth more than the life you're living right now.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
So tell me a little bit more when you say your birth family, um, are you adopted? Yeah. Okay. And so your adoptive grandfather, he's the one who's leaving you the inheritance.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Gotcha. And, How much money are we talking here?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
So it's pretty significant. Tell me why you feel or where the feelings are coming from that you have some sort of allegiance or you owe or you need to put some money on the table for your birth siblings.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, that adage doesn't apply here at all. Not even close. That's what a guilty person tells themselves. Yeah. Why do you feel guilty?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Zero. And, bro, you are setting yourself up for a catastrophic world of hurt. Um, I, I 1000% agree with you. If I, I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
If I found out I had a whole other family and I got adopted by a family who was so great and they took me in and they, like you said, like I had an amazing life and I won the lottery and my other brothers and sisters were adopted out and they did not get the, get the shake that I got. I would feel a sense of I owe or obligation. And I need you to hear me say, you don't owe anybody anything.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Listen, what you're doing is you have a lot of what ifs and a lot of oh this is and that's and then in 10 years and in 15 years, I want you to go sit down with an attorney. Not hem-haw and don't send the post-nup to a friend of yours who happens to have a law degree. Hire a lawyer and go sit down and talk and say, I need to know what rights I have. Here's my disability.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
You can choose to give. And those are two very different motivations. If you think you owe, you are constantly going to be, it's a bottomless pit. It's a hole that can never be filled. If you say, hey, I won the lottery with my adoptive family. I got such amazing life and I want to do that for other people.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Then that's when you can sit down with your sister and very similar to how your grandpa did it, who's very wise. Hey, sister, when you're ready, I'm going to pay for college tuition, but I'm going to pay directly to the school. When you're ready, I will cover three years of daycare for your kids so you can get ahead financially, but I'm going to pay directly.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I'm not going to give that money to anybody. You can love them deeply and support them and also recognize that they're terrible money managers. All three of those things can be true at the same time. Yeah. Here's what I don't want you to do.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I don't want you to give your mom $25,000 when she doesn't have the skills to handle $25,000 because then you're going to end up resenting her and that's not fair to her. You get what I'm saying?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
You'll hand her a live snake, she'll get bit, and then you gave her the snake. I wouldn't do that. And you're going to have to weather people coming out of the woodwork for your money.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And Peyton will bail us out, and how dare you? And, oh, you got this.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I can't believe you don't even remember your race, and you don't even remember where you came from, right? They're not your real family. You're going to hear all that stuff, dude. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Can she do that living in your birth mom's home?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
No, no, no. But can your sister thrive under your mom's roof?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
So maybe offering an apartment down the street from... I don't know how much money you want to put on the table here. I don't know what you do for a living. I'd want you to make sure you invest this thing so you're taking care of yourself and your future family long term. But I'm with George. I think you... If you throw a checkbook at a problem, often everybody loses, right?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
It becomes full of waste and it becomes full of, well, what about this? And I feel like this. When you spend money to solve a particular problem, you get different kind of results. Yeah. I will pay for you to move and I will pay for one year of an apartment right down the street from me. And that's going to cost $25,000. I'll put that on the table if you want to get out of mom's house.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Here's my situation with my kids. I know my husband's hiding money. Here's the post-nup. And the attorney's job, because you're hiring them, is to advocate for you. And sometimes their advocate, like them being an advocate is, hey, this is the best deal I've ever seen on paper. Take it and run. Right?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Now we're talking. Right? And that's a finite cost, and she doesn't have to feel guilty for just being on the take forever, but it's an actual problem being solved right now.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
But you don't owe anybody anything. You get to give, and that's a totally different spirit.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Sometimes they say, we're going to dig in and we're going to burn everything to the ground because this is a terrible deal. But that's their job is to fight for you.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Going on the road, baby. Hey, we're bringing the Ramsey Show and the Dr. John Deloney Show. We're crashing them together and we're bringing them live.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
All the stuff you think. I wonder if they edit that out. The answer is yes, and that's going to be live. And that also makes me nervous because there's lots of phones out there.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, we're talking... We might do live. We might do Q&As. We might do all kinds of stuff. But yeah, there's going to be audience participation into how this thing goes. And so it's going to be a blast. It's just as off the rails as our shows can get sometimes. That's going to be the live event with us bringing the Ramsey Show and my show live.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Dude, you're stepping over $100 bills to pick up nickels right now.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Like you're worried about the thread count on the beach towel you're going to wrap yourself up with if you swim to shore. Like let's get to shore first.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, and I don't want to kick you while you're down, but it wasn't smart to sign a lease. Have you already signed a lease?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Oh, you didn't. Okay, thank God. All right. The earlier you learn this, the better off your life is going to be. That doesn't mean your life is going to be easy and conflict-free, but that means you're going to have this elusive thing that everybody wants and nobody has. It's called peace, okay?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
The only way through these challenging conversations, these hard moments, is right through the middle of it.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
okay most of the time how old are you i'm 28 28 okay um most of the time if this is your first time to actually i don't say stand up but actually say hey i don't want to do that and by the way you get a pass you can say i can't afford to do this and i'm not going to do this i'm not taking on any more debt um
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
It's not a matter of you're a millionaire and you have to say, hey, I don't want to do this. But I would recommend writing down what you want to say. Okay. And then having an in-person meeting with your mom and your dad and read it to them.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And I want you to stop leading conversations. The first introduction to me and George was I made some mistakes when I was a kid. You've got to stop leading with that. You're more than that, okay?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Okay, you're more than some college mistakes. We all made them, right? And tell me about this little one you have.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Well, God help everybody. Just kidding. Okay, so can we stop calling him a mistake?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Wouldn't have drawn it up that way, and you've been through hell and back, 18 to 19 to 20 to however old you are right now. But, dude, you got a rad little five-year-old. Okay? Let's stop leading with there's something wrong with me, and let's lead with, hey, Mom and Dad, I don't want to go into debt and put on an apartment on the back of your house. I'm so grateful for your hospitality.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
If that's the only option, then I'm out. Yeah. Have they always been there for you?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Okay. Then I think that's what you lead with. You guys have always been there for me and I have to, I have to stand up on my own, but I still can't do it fully without you. I still need help. And if y'all choose to not have childcare, I'll figure something out, but just know I have to stand out on my own.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Okay. And you've got to go through the middle of it. There's no hack to that. Okay. There's not like a secret.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Like I say, I mean, what do you want me to tell you?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Do you still want to stay living with your parents if they didn't have this backyard idea?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
So this is kind of his way to get that. Because here's the thing. Sometimes, and again, I'm overly sentimental. Sometimes our parents are doing the best they can to love us. And they'll come up with all kinds of crazy schemes to try to keep us safe. And sometimes when we struggle and stumble and fall when we're 18 or 21 or 23, they look in the mirror and they blame themselves.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And so, you know your dad more than I do. And it's easy for me to sit over here and say, maybe he thinks this is the best way out. And the greatest gift you could give him is to say, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to get my own place. I'm going to start branching out. And I still love you. I still need your help. I still want your influence on my kid's life. But I'm not going to do this.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I'm not going to borrow any more money. I'm tired of being in a hole. And if he honors that, cool. If he says, then how dare you, whatever, then you've got your very clear message that it's time to go. And maybe rural, you know, wherever you happen to be, rural, central Texas isn't the place to be. And it's easy to talk yourself into a trap that I'll never make more money than this.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
It's all I've got. It's all I'm worth. And that's not true. None of those things are true. Okay. Hey, you're not the silliest, dumbest mistakes you've ever made. You're way, way more than that. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Everything. Building an Unanxious Life, FPU, Every Dollar. Kit and Caboodle.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And if he's got a bunch of, a couple of business partners, and they're all laundering money and being shady and shifty, and they get a knock on the door from a federal investigator or from forensics accountants, and they get served for all of their...
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
You're about to run a Chick-fil-A. Like, I mean, you manage a thousand employees and all kinds. I don't think it's the risk thing. I think it's just like... The hassle factor. Yeah. It's just an absurd way to live your life, right? It's just chaos. And I would ask for what, right? Like for what? Kind of how it's been.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, no, but he's part of the Navy SEALs. You're part of the gang that gets moved every six months or two years or five years, right, that opens them up.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I just thought of four jokes that I didn't make, by the way. I want everyone in America to know I'm wisening up here. That's called maturity. I'm maturing right before your eyes. But, um, but yeah, dude, and here's the other thing. Is there a possibility that you rent for a year in Austin before you settle out everything?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
last seven years of financial transactions and every electronic transaction they have made every electronic communication they've made every email every text every signal every whatsapp everything and by the way it's all discoverable then maybe they pucker up real quick and tell him to change his tune but here's the thing you won't know any of that just sitting in your house and spinning and spinning and looping and looping and looping and that's what you've been doing for a long time right uh yeah about five years now yeah let's stop let's take action sort of
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Wait, hold on. So you might go down to Austin for a year, open this place up six months. I know you never know how long these deployments are going to be. It'll definitely be two years minimum.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, I would sell the house. Yeah. Okay. Think about it this way. That's another presidential election from now. Who knows, man?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Who knows, right? So I would cross that bridge when we get there.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, there's this elusive, we've got to get, just, you know the card I need, James. You know the card I need. There's a special card.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Hey, Francois, what was your take-home pay last year?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Okay. Don't lie, dude. There's no shame here. We're just three dudes just sitting around having nachos. Shocking.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Either make peace with this is my life and this is what we get and he treats me fine. I just don't know how the money works. And maybe I'm confident he doesn't treat you fine because this isn't the behavior of somebody that treats their wife fine.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Can you sell this thing and go get a job? Yeah. You're killing yourself, dude. You're dying.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And I know this is a dream and I know you have to grieve it and you have to be sad about it, but dude, you are dying.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
But listen, Francois, this is not an indictment of you or your character. Or your business. You're a good guy. No, no, I get it. You're a good man. It didn't work. It's not working. And your soul, like you having a stroke for $11,000. If it's 11 million, I might trade my brain for $11 million. Well, that was, the thing is like the last year I probably did better than that.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Well, but even $10,000 or $25,000, that's still half of what you can go make at Starbucks. You know what I mean?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, just get out and exhale, get a fresh start, and then go do something that's going to bring your family some income, but also some peace, man. And you've got 25 years experience.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
So here's the deal. The ball is in your court and you wondering about, well, what about this? What about this? What about this? That's just a way to numb yourself from the reality that you are holding the next move you make. And if that next move is nothing, then set the ball down and just decide, I'm not going to ask questions about that. It is what it is, what it is.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I'm paranoid about insurance, and I just can't wrap my head around people who don't have a will, which is 70-something percent of Americans, which is...
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I'm going to be your hype man. Oh, good. I've always wanted one of those.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
You'd be like, who's that guy? That'll be me.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And dude, I always feel like, especially when you and I are on together, George, the Instagram, YouTube-y, influencer-y world is so full of People who are just not telling the truth. Just liars, just complete liars. So here's the deal. Just for people at home, George and I both have a will. We both have identity theft protection and we both have homeowners insurance because we're not insane.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I just I can't this is stuff that we do in our own home so we're not trying to sell you something we're just telling you dude this gives us peace for our wives and for our kids and God bless you get a will people and get identity theft protection and please please cover your biggest asset with homeowners insurance beautifully said ramsay solutions.com slash checkup is the place to go get it done do not delay Jenna is up next in Rockford Illinois what's going on Jenna
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Have you already filed? Or has he filed on you?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I mean, it's heartbreaking, and so we'll weep with you, but we'll also cheer you don't have a house payment.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
That was so disingenuous. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm talking over you. Go ahead.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Okay. If you're going to file, then go hire an attorney. Do not get a friend who has a buddy who's got a sister who went to law school. Hire an attorney, a good one in your community and someone who will fight and advocate for you. And then sit down and lay it all out on the table. Right. But here's the thing for you and for everybody listening. It's the and I get it. It's fear. It's scary.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
What are your thoughts about taking the money I was putting in my 401 and my HSA and maybe just stocking it away in a high-yield savings account until this thing clears?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And then once I can make a lump contribution, if we find another job in five months, but again, I don't know how much money that's actually going to be practically, but if it ends up being $25,000 or $30,000 that I would have invested out and I've got it and I have to have it, is that bad form?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And like freeze is one of the ways our bodies try to keep us safe. I totally get it. But there comes a moment when I'm going to stop living like this. And the only way I can do it, I can't think my way out of this mess. I got to act. I got to go do. Michael Easter wrote a great article recently. Just go do something. Right. And in your case, call an attorney who's ready to go to war for you.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And sometimes in war, they say, hey, we need to retreat. Let's just take what we got and let's move. That might be the right case, but you won't know until you make that call.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
I don't know why you need a pony. That sounds like what you need.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Yeah, totally. Where did you get this? Maybe I'm crazy. My wife would leave me if I had bought her a $25,000 engagement ring because she would have said, you are not somebody that I can trust to be a good steward of our finances moving forward. Like, tell me about $25,000 for an engagement ring. Where did that number come from for you guys?
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
Because I can also imagine, again, this is just me. I would not feel comfortable carrying around a $25,000 appendage, a piece of jewelry that I can lose, that I can trip and fall, that I can break, that I can scratch. I would feel so paranoid all the time. I would never be comfortable in my own skin. I'm assuming she doesn't have that challenge.
The Ramsey Show
Cut Debt out of Your Life! (Literally)
And so does your Instagram feed. I just think you need to get some other perspectives and voices in your life. But bigger than that, dude, knock your lights out. You want to buy some expensive jewelry? You got the cash. I want to see your cash position improve because this takes half of your cash.
The Ramsey Show
Building Wealth Is Hard but Being Broke Is Harder
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
The Ramsey Show
Building Wealth Is Hard but Being Broke Is Harder
It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert or whatever you want to call yourself. We all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
The Ramsey Show
Building Wealth Is Hard but Being Broke Is Harder
Therapy can be a great source of help and support for any area of your life. And if you're thinking about starting therapy, try BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy so it can fit with your schedule. To get started, just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost.
The Ramsey Show
Building Wealth Is Hard but Being Broke Is Harder
This month, start to build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
Building Wealth Is Hard but Being Broke Is Harder
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. And they don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
Hi. Sorry, this has to be kind of brief, but my wife's a big fan. She listens to you all the time. We have the every dollar premium. We've been trying to budget every month for the last five months or so. I work in corporate America. I do marketing, digital marketing, and my wife is a part-time homeschool hybrid teacher. She makes $18,000 a year. I make $105,000 a year.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
We have roughly $200,000 left on our house. We have no other debt, nothing at all. My wife and I struggle to be under budget with the EveryDollar app every month. We're always spending more than we're taking in. I don't do any of the shopping. I'm just at work. She takes care of our one-year-old son, and it's just very difficult to... get under budget each month. So I don't know.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
I've tried to talk to her about this. She just has issues with spending too much.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
So she does the grocery shopping. I pay all the other bills. So our son goes to physical therapy.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
Oh, yeah. We're spending easily over $1,000 every month on groceries.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
I try. She tries to make everything in one stop. So we have Safeway out here, which is like, I guess, Kroger now for everybody else. But Also going to Costco. She just likes to only go to one store and buy everything. So a lot of the Costco bills are $300 to $500. She does that sometimes twice a month, plus going to Safeway. And then things can get up to $1,200 easy on groceries.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
With both of us, it's about $6,000 a month.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
Well, yeah, and again, our mortgage is not very high either. It's about $1,600 a month. Like I said, there's just lots of things that just seem like they sneak in there.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
Not really. I don't buy anything on Amazon. I don't buy anything on Amazon. I run a lot, so I buy running shoes like every other month. That's about it. They're about $150, and I'm very athletic. I run against college kids in D3 schools, but I have a coach that's $150 a month. That's all I really spend on myself.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
I'm running from my fears, I guess. Yeah, you are. She buys a lot of stuff on Amazon that she thinks, oh, our son needs this and our son needs that. We did. To have a car that was a gas guzzler, we did get a new car, and that was paid for by generosity from a family member. It's completely paid off.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever you want to call yourself, we all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
Therapy can be a great source of help and support for any area of your life. And if you're thinking about starting therapy, try BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy so it can fit with your schedule. To get started, just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost.
The Ramsey Show
Make Decisions Based on Guidelines, Not Headlines
This month, start to build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever you want to call yourself, we all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
Therapy can be a great source of help and support for any area of your life. And if you're thinking about starting therapy, try BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy so it can fit with your schedule. To get started, just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost.
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
This month, start to build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
Don't Chase Money, Chase Freedom
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. They don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
Discipline Is the Key to Building Wealth
Hey guys, I'm super excited to announce that two of the goats of sticking to a budget have finally teamed up. That's right, Ramsey and Aldi are partnering together because, well, groceries cost a lot of money. And besides that, most stores are designed to trap you in a maze, a sad, expensive maze. But Aldi is different.
The Ramsey Show
Discipline Is the Key to Building Wealth
Aldi gives you simpler, better food choices that save you money and get you in and out so you can focus on what really matters. From affordable, high-quality must-haves to grass-fed meat, organic produce, and yes, even name brands, Aldi has what you need at prices that won't steal your joy. So stop paying more and start shopping smarter at Aldi. Find a store near you today at Aldi.us.
The Ramsey Show
Discipline Is the Key to Building Wealth
All right, this one's for my classroom superheroes, aka the teachers out there. You know what's better than an unexpected classroom observation? An unexpected getaway. This financial literacy month, you could win a dream vacation with the Ramsey Teacher Appreciation Giveaway.
The Ramsey Show
Discipline Is the Key to Building Wealth
Because honestly, you deserve that Colorado cabin, that Tuscan winery, or that tropical resort where everything's included except the motivation to leave your lounge chair. There's no purchase needed to win. Plus, you'll get bonus entries if you refer other teachers. So don't wait. Enter before April 30th at ramseysolutions.com slash teacher. That's ramseysolutions.com slash teacher.
The Ramsey Show
Surviving the Money Storm Starts with Tough Choices
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. And they don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, everyone. Listen, we all have stories. The family and cultural stories that we were born into. The stories of the things that have happened to us, both the good stuff and the challenging stuff. And we have those stories that we constantly tell ourselves.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
And none of us can go back and change any of our old stories, but the world is waiting to see what each of us is going to write next. As we enter 2025, I encourage you to examine your old stories and be intentional about the new stories that you're going to write. And I'm not talking about making goals that are going to be long gone by February.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
I'm talking about writing new stories that will change your life and the lives of those you love for the better forever. And if you're like me, therapy can be a great place to explore the old stories and heal from them and begin writing new ones. If you're thinking about starting therapy, I want you to consider my friends at BetterHelp.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, and you can talk with your therapist when it works for your schedule. You just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch at any time for no extra cost. So start writing a new story this month with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
Well, I'm happy to be on the show. I recently started to watch some YouTube videos and I came to explore your show and I thought to myself, why don't I reach out to you guys and figure what's my options? Am I completely bankrupt? So I'm going to be able to get out of this. And if there is a way. Maybe you can show me.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
Combined about 96,000 between eight cards.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
So I lost my job beginning of last year, which was 175K. I was able to find temporary projects with consistency anywhere between 65 to 7,500 a month. But It's only been like four months last year, and I have about two months this year, which is ending next month.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
Correct. What field are you in? I'm in operations.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
I'm not sure. I don't know if it's something to do with the economy. I don't know if it's something that's in my search, maybe a combination. I don't know.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
Not really, to be honest. It's more diluted right now.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
I'm staying in an apartment for free for two months until end of – actually, mid of next month.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
Well, that's only for two months, actually, for this period, just because the project is very far away and I don't have a car.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
Probably not having a car and just using Uber whenever I need to, which will cut it probably by half.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
I mean, I could probably cut it by half. I would say some of it is also to meet some people. Talk about some maybe connections about work.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
I think it was just accumulation from like two years before. Maybe it was like third or maybe close to 40%. And I think last year was just a lot more than that.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
Well, as I said, I think it started before that. I had probably at least 35 to 40% just being irresponsible in the way of thinking money is still going to flow for a long time.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
No, the cards are maxed out. So even if I wanted to, I can't.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
No, I did not go into luxury items spree.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
It was, I had to relocate to another city, another state for the project last year. Some of it was paying for accommodations. It was just, yeah, I think it was just months of doing that.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
Yeah, I actually was paying all the smaller cards, but the big cards, I wasn't able to. Three cards already been closed by the bank.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
They're in collections? I'm pretty sure that I'm already starting to get calls. So three cards already been. I called him also to let him know that, you know, after years, I'm unable to make payments on, you know, two of the cards. And I guess they already closed three accounts. Two for personal and one for business.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
Yeah, just the small ones, correct. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Become a Victim of Your Circumstances
It's a project that moves around. In that case, they're actually here in Florida. All right, here's my point.
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever you wanna call yourself, we all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
Therapy can be a great source of help and support for any area of your life. And if you're thinking about starting therapy, try BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy so it can fit with your schedule. To get started, just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost.
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
This month, start to build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. And they don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, it's that time of year. It's starting to get a little bit colder. It's getting a little bit dark earlier. And sometimes if you're like me, you just want to stay inside and get cozy. And for me, my perfect cozy night is me and all of my family piled under blankets, watching a movie, sitting by the fire, maybe even reading a book.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
And listen, whatever your perfect night in looks like, sometimes therapy can feel a bit like that. A time when you can settle in, finally exhale, replenish your energy and begin to take care of yourself. Therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort during the chaos and rush of the holiday season or any other time of year.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
Taking the time to pause and be mindful is one of the reasons I recommend BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy with licensed therapists. You can talk with your therapist just about any time and just about anywhere so it's convenient for your schedule. Just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a therapist and you can switch therapists for no extra cost.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
What up, what up? It's Dr. John Deloney from the Dr. John Deloney Show with some amazing news. The latest episode of United States of Anxiety is available right now exclusively on the Ramsey Network app. This docuseries follows real people from my show as they embark on a 90-day journey to transform their lives, and I personally walk alongside them every step of the way.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
Okay, now, here's a sneak peek of what the new episode is all about. And don't forget to click the link in the show notes to download the app. What's up, Kelsey?
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
What does crippling anxiety mean? Paint me a picture of that. All right, so you ready to jump in?
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
We're going to check in with Kelsey 30 days, 60 days, 90 days.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
She's experiencing things that really hurt a long time ago. Tell me about this boy.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
It just feels like it would be exhausting to be Kelsey.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
Whenever somebody's playing whack-a-mole with their anxiety, when it just keeps moving, that tells me the underlying system's not okay.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
One of two people that's supposed to never leave took off.
The Ramsey Show
Broke Is Normal—Do You Really Want to Be Like Everyone Else?
Your burden, that's right. To the one person who should carry it, all of it. Did you ever tell that little girl that it wasn't her fault? I don't know what to do. You either have to choose to let this guy love you, or you gotta choose to let this guy go.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
They're changing every program. And you don't know this, but we've been telling people for years, don't count on the federal government coming to your rescue on these loans because you never know what an administration is going to do. And then here we go. We've got a new administration that's cutting everything. And so, yeah, man, geez, I'm sorry.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I think you need to stop talking to people. Yeah, stop talking to people. Stop talking to people.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah, you got bad advice. I'm sorry. When two knuckleheads on a podcast that you don't even know are the only ones speaking truth to you, I'm sorry. I hate this for you. You're going to have to go find some more jobs, and you're going to have to get radical about it, and you're going to have to work multiple jobs. I mean, there's only one way to do this. You can't cut anything from your life.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
You're going to have to just make more money.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Parents, stop asking your kids to mortgage your dreams.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
That's it. So there's a... You're right. Mom can do with mom stuff, whatever she wants to do. And I'll also say this. I hear on this show of nightmare after nightmare of parents who have land and they just leave it all to all to the kids. Right. That's always a disaster, too.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I'm John Deloney, joined by George Campbell. Listen... Dave, Ramsey, and I are going on the road. It is going to be as though my show and the Ramsey show had a kid without an edit button. That's frightening. It's going to be amazing, dude. We're going to be on stage together talking about money and relationships, everything from...
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
what's going on with our kids these days and how to raise good kids, how to handle money the right way, how to deal with all the changes that are going economically in the 21st century with money, with family, with kids, with marriages, how to make friends, all of this. We're going to be talking about everything. So we're going to be in Louisville on April 21st.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
We're going to be in Durham on April 23rd. Atlanta in the beautiful Fox Theater on April 25th. Phoenix, May 5th, Fort Worth, Yeehaw, my Texas brethren need to come out. It's going to be a hot show. May 7th in Kansas City. We got to right the wrongs that happened in Philadelphia a few months ago, and Dave and I are committed to doing that. We're going to be in Kansas City on May 9th.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
So go to ramseysolutions.com slash tour, or if you're checking this out on podcast or YouTube, you can click the link in the show notes. It's going to be wheels off. I cannot wait.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
That is not your problem. That's the car dealership's problem.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yesterday. Yeah, yesterday, but today.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Hold on. But this is Toyota's problem. I would get an attorney and I would drive the car back to the dealership and say, you can give me another car that's exactly the same as this one. You can refund my money or my attorney is going to call you because you sold me a fraudulent car. Period. That is their job to go get the title.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yes. And I would go, I like to, I mean, before I'm going to sue somebody, I want to make sure I've given somebody an opportunity to do right. And so I would go back to the dealership. Was this a new car? No, I'm sorry. It wasn't. It was a used car. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Not without his signature. Is that right?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
So you need that lean release. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Well, actually, the dealership needs that.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Well, I would take it to the dealership today and I would say, here's what's going to happen. You're going to give me a new car right now and you're all going to deal with this. You're going to refund my entire purchase price, title and license and everything. And we're going to shake hands and pretend this never happened.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Or I'm going to get my attorney and I'm going to sue you for the cost of this car plus. because you sold me an illegal car.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
So maybe this is your gift. I guarantee you they're going to figure out a way to get you another car. And maybe they're going to give you a 30-day loaner while they figure this out. Right?
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Okay. I'm saying this not as like looking down at you. I'm saying this as I've been in your seat before, okay? This is one of those adult conversations. This is one of those like grown man conversations that you never thought you're going to have, and here they are, right? not by your hand, but in your lap, but somebody did you wrong.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And so I'm going to show up there and I'm going to go get this thing taken care of. So well done, man. Thanks for the call. But I would definitely call a licensed attorney and have one in your pocket for, they're going to give you the runaround. They're going to look at you and say, oh, he's 26 and we're going to hem haul and whatever. Here's what's going to happen today.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I leave here with a new car, a fully refunded TT&L, and you keep the keys to this illegal car that you sold me. or I'm going to sue you because I've got to have a car to get to and from around my neighborhood. So there you go.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Sorry that happened, man. That's a bummer, dude.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
You become debt-free faster, so everything in your life gets better?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. You don't even have to qualify it. You don't have to go through a litany of reasons why you have permission to be heartbroken that your mom didn't even honor you enough with a conversation.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And if you want to talk about what you're missing out on, you're paying off the next two years depreciating assets. That's what you're trading.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
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It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever you want to call yourself, we all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Oh, geez. Okay. What about your sister? Why didn't your sister sit down and say, hey, here's the deal?
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Hey, Christina, can we tell you, George and I have both been there, and we're so proud of you, dude. Welcome to the cult.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
What are you going to do with that job?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Or more importantly, ministry, you made a bunch of decisions for the last four or five years that are going to prohibit you from doing what you want to do or really feel called to do. If you don't owe anybody anything and you want to go live a life of poverty in order to serve the least of these, I'm all about that all day, every day.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
But you made decisions beforehand now and you've set yourself up to where you don't get to decide what you do next. You don't get to decide to follow God's call. You got to pay the bankers back. You get what I'm saying?
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And so it's a bummer and I'm heartbroken for you. And I've met students like you who are so, their hearts are bigger than the state of Texas and we need more people like you. And that's why I really want you to buckle down for the next two years and get all this madness out of your life.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
So you can go do what I think you're called to do, which is just sit with hurting people and help them improve their life, right?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
All right, because here's what's going to happen. You're going to get this forensic psychology degree, and in your last semester, everybody around you is going to start talking about going to grad school. And then you're going to have a teacher who brings you in. They're like, hey, we see something special in you.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
We want you to go to grad school, and it's only $85,000 to get a master's in social work.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah, and you'll make $60,000, right? And so you're going to have to hold the line for the next two years, okay?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
No, because you had a repo on there, and so you had to go to a shark to get a new car.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
This is bigger than the farm. This is, I mean, your parents, your family's still having a relationship with your ex-husband. So, like, there's a very real they chose him over you.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yes, sir. Did you go to a local Toyota dealership or did you go to like Bob's Auto Lot? Like tote the note, no credit needed? Yes, yes.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah, they don't help you. They prey on you.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah. They sold you a car for three times what it was worth.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And they prey on people who are desperate for a vehicle. Yeah. I'm sorry they did that to you. It's wrong and it's unethical and I hate that for you. And your name's on the note.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Well, what happens usually is they repo your car, and let's say it's worth $20,000, and they'll go sell it for $10,000, and you're responsible for that gap.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
The only way is if you bought a $50,000 car and they sold it for $25,000 at auction just to get it off their hands. You'd owe the difference. You'd owe the difference.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
so you need to do some homework and find out what that car actually sold for and verify this otherwise you dispute it and get it off your credit report yeah until somebody will be honest with you i would dispute it you can send a letter to your credit report saying i'm disputing this charge because it's not factual and they'll have to prove the debt yeah they've got to prove they've got to show a bill of sale for what they sold that car for and then you're responsible for the difference
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Okay, so let's just stop there. That's where the pain is at. You have a right to be upset and sad.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
We're also going to send you Financial Peace University, so give you a step-by-step plan that will help you out as well. We're on your team. You call us anytime. Welcome to the gang. We're going to get you cleared up, okay?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah. Okay. Let's put a period at the end of it. Let's don't go into it. How can I help you today?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
He's throwing a grown-up temper tantrum. He's throwing an absolute grown-up temper tantrum. He's being a child. I'm going to take my ball and go home if you don't do what I say.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
That's not how marriages work. Marriages celebrate each other when two people are... Let's take the home equity off the table. I'm a writer. Part of my job at Ramsey is writing. My wife also writes. She writes historical fiction. It's never going to sell. There's not a market that would be the same as a book on anxiety, right? Yeah. When my book does really well, she cheers for her husband.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And in her world, her book did pretty good. It did really good. And I celebrated her. I didn't demand, hey, by the way, you sold more than we thought, so you owe me a piece. That's not how that works. I can't imagine this happening. There's not other things going on in your marriage.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I mean, you might have, but it was A, 10 years ago, and adults, regulated mature adults, have hard conversations. And if your mother, she's allowed to do what she wants to do with her money, and if she feels in her soul that you violated some sort of moral contract, so to the point that she's going to cut you out of 200 or 100-year-old family property, fine.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
You guys have created a real complicated financial situation. So y'all came in and y'all said, hey, have both of y'all been through divorces where y'all got burned?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Okay, so here's the deal. Y'all signed a prenup that says, hey, what I'm coming into this marriage with, I'm going to keep. What you're coming into this marriage, you're going to keep, okay?
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I want to go one step deeper, though. I'm telling you right now as somebody who works with married couples, your language is unnerving to me. And here's why. Y'all are not building a thing together. You're talking as business partners. In fact, you're not even talking as business partners do because business partners even talk about ours. You're talking about my income and his income.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
His house and my house. My house and his house, and he pays for my house. That kind of language, I'm going to revise what I said. I don't think he's being a child. I think he's realizing how completely exposed he is. And like George said, he's paying rent to his wife. Y'all need to share a single checking account, and y'all pay for the mortgage every month.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
But yes, I agree with you that you're worth a conversation. There's a cowardly aspect to, I'm going to do this thing, but then I'm not going to have the courage to be open and honest about my values. I'm going to do it under the table.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And so I think he's calling that out. The data tells me that couples that share a checking account build wealth, greater wealth over time, period. It also shows that couples that share a checking account... quote unquote, may be more exposed, but that's marriage. It's both of us with both feet in the same boat. And the reality is when you marry somebody, they can hurt you.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
and they choose every day to love you. And that's the way this thing works. And so if there's great wealth inequality when someone's getting married, then I'm okay with a prenup. And I've even come around with some different ideas on a prenup, that's for a whole nother call.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
But I'm telling you right now, you guys have got to begin to be on the same page and sharing money and filing jointly together. Otherwise, you're just great business partners who share a house.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I don't, but I'll trust you that you do. Here's the thing. All of this has happened, period, at the end of that sentence. The question that you have to answer is what are you going to do now? And here's a hard truth I'm going to give you. Every second that you choose to dwell on this is a choice for you to be miserable in the present and in the future. This has happened. Right.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And it's not cool, betrayal, whatever words you want to say, all those are real. Then the big question is what are you going to do now?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
What was the payout at the very, very end when they give you part of your own money back?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Okay, so great. I don't think you're being honest. I'm grateful for that. I don't think you're being honest with yourself. You are upset, and it's okay to be upset. And it may come a day when your sisters sell this to your daughter. That's a problem in the future. Right. That you have no control over. You have no control over it. Let's just exhale and say, I can feel my feelings.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
This is a good one for you, George. Today's question comes from Matthew in Rhode Island. All right. So cash is king, but in a digital world where paychecks are direct deposit and bills are paid online, how would you set up your accounts to utilize the envelope system? When our budget was cash-based 20 years ago, it was much less stressful.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Now banking is digital, and I struggle to set up my accounts. I have a savings account, a checking account. We deposit everything into a checking account where we transfer grocery and gas expenses to be paid from. Oh, here we go. Yeah, he's making it super complicated. Oh, my God.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And another account that everything left over from our first two checking accounts is transferred to and all remaining bills are paid out of it. I feel like I'm overcomplicating the process. Matthew, my brother.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I'm going to turn this over to George, but I have been there. I used to have a checking account for almost every bill. Like this is my electric bill account and it was chaos.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And either you spend it, you get a notification on your phone. It'll tell you, hey- Somebody just bought something at Costco. Somebody just bought something at the hardware store or whatever. And it keeps everybody on the same page.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Well, I mean, this was me. I was trying to protect myself from myself. So it's like, all right, this is going to be my grocery debit card. And when it's gone, it's gone. And this is going to be my whatever bills paying debit card. But I just made it so complicated. Every dollar is cool because it's almost like digital envelopes.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I'm allowed to be sad. And my daughter's living with my parents. I miss my daughter. Maybe you want to repair that relationship, et cetera, move on, on, on, whatever. But let's stop trafficking in the here's the thing they did. Yes, what they did was not cool. I'm all about having values and I'm all about putting a stick in the ground.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I get nervous just sitting next to John, so I get it. George is smarter than me, so I feel nervous too. So we're all nervous together.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
When you say custody, are you in a blended marriage? No, no. Okay, so tell me what you mean by custody. You mean like who would get your kids in the event that you and your partner died? Yes, correct. Okay. that's the same, that's the will I used. So I had a really extensive over the top estate plan when I was in Texas.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
When I moved to Tennessee, the attorney who wrote that for me was a colleague of mine at the law school. And he said, hey, by the way, this is only good in Texas. So you got to get a new will. And so right when I got to Nashville, that's the first thing I did. I didn't even work at Ramsey yet. And I went to Mama Bear Wells just in case my wife and I died in a car wreck going to dinner.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
My two kids are sitting here in Nashville. They don't know anybody. That was the first thing I did. And since then, I've gotten I went and sat down with another attorney and had a more a trust drawn up and all that kind of stuff. But yes, it will be. It would take care of you.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
But an adult has a hard conversation if they're going to do something when it's related to values, period. Right.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I think you're using the word custody, which I consider a legal term. I think you're considering that with guardianship. Like where are my kids going to go live, right?
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Okay, let's do this today or tomorrow. Will you commit in front of America to do that?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
To get your will, to get online with MomBear and get a will.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And by the way, you may have somebody in your life, the person who will do the asset distribution to make sure my guitars go where I want them to go and to make sure my retirement gets signed over in the right place. I've got a 30-year friendship with a guy, and he's one of my best friends on the planet. He's the executor there. My wife is the one who will make the medical power of attorney calls.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And I want my wife, if I were to die, I want my wife to have the privilege of being really sad and not having to get in and figure out all the nuances of a 401k transfer. Right. So I actually have a different executor than I would. You can have an executor for one and somebody else going to make life or death decisions for you.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
So you can get in there and just and whatever is going to work for you and your family. And it's a good call, George. Each person has to have their own will. Right.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I mean, I know, but... What's it going to solve? They've already proven themselves, what they think of you, and your ability to have a conversation. Okay. I mean, so, behavior's a language. You can clearly see what they think about your ability to have a hard conversation. And you've been able to see their character.
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Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah. We may give you terrible advice and you can cry. That'll be fair. What's up? How can we love you?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Okay, let me stop right here. This is your third marriage. This is his second. And I'm telling you right now, because I love you now, because there's no judgment. This is me just pulling up a seat at the restaurant, okay? Yeah. You're on a trajectory that you're going to end this one and he's going to end his second one. And here's why. Y'all still have not come together.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And you're giving the people who hurt you in the past, you're letting them still sit at y'all's dining room table when you only eat dinner together every night. Because you have your money, your bills, your debt, your medical expenses. Let me tell you right now, my wife, if she has an $800 a month medical situation, we have an $800 a month bill. Yeah. Because both feet are in the boat.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Then he's not absolved of this either.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Both of our feet are in the same boat. My guess is your husband is walking around. He doesn't feel connected. He doesn't feel a hole in his life. And he's just trying to find something to be mad at. And he's picking money. And so I love that y'all have that joint checking account. That's awesome. I want you to consider what George and I do, which is we only have one account.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
We don't have a joint checking account with our wives and then also side accounts where it all goes in the pot.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Is he refusing to do this, or have you all even not put that on the table?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Both parents can choose to have a hard conversation. And if one person in a marriage is doing something that lacks integrity, the other person can say, well, I'm going to talk to my child. Correct.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Is he not willing to pay? He wasn't willing to help you?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
That two wrongs don't make a right on that deal. And he said something he probably shouldn't have said or that I know he shouldn't have said. And that triggered stuff that you've heard from previous two marriages and any number of other years you've been on this planet. And you responded by saying, I'm going to take my ball and I'm going to go home then.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And now you got two people who are co-living in the same house. And here's what I want for you and for him. I want y'all to be married. Ride or die, both of us on the same roller coaster, ups and downs. And when you got a problem, we got a problem. And when you got a bill, we got a bill. And here's the deal.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
The research tells me when you put both feet in the boat, both of you do, that over time, couples who are married well, their net worth collectively goes up exponentially, like compound interest in a wild way. That's why those of us in our society who are, I mean, you go look at the richest of the rich, they keep getting married, right? It's to their best interest.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And I know that's hard to do in the situation. So I think the best move is a hard, I always recommend people when they have a hard conversation, use an I statement. Like a couple of years ago when we first got married, I got my feelings hurt and I said, then you're never going to help me again. I'm not going to accept your help. And I was wrong and I'm sorry.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
then hopefully he says, I shouldn't have said that too, right? But we're going to sit down and say, okay, we've both are healing from our past. And now let's both go all in. How bad is it for your financial situation? How bad is it for mine? I'm going to send you Financial Peace University, the course, the digital course for free, the nine lessons you and your husband can watch them together.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
So all this to say is, yes, you have a right to have your feelings hurt. And the question all of us need to ask whenever we find ourselves in hard moments like this, especially when we find out things happen in the past is we're going to grieve it. And then we're going to ask ourselves, what are we going to do now? I'm going to tell you, move to the future, man.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And y'all can decide, hey, let's get on the same page. I don't ever want to see you, my husband, my one love that you all stressed about money all the time. And hopefully he looks at you and says, I don't want you worrying about your health all the time. And we're going to be in this thing together. Is this terrifying and scary? Yes.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Can he look at you in the eye and say, I'm not doing any of this? Yes. And you're going to have to deal with that reality, which is another layer here. But let's see what happens if both of y'all say, I'm all in if you're all in. Game on. Hang on the line. We'll get you hooked up with Financial Peace University as our gift. We're rooting for you. You call us anytime.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Stop dwelling on this because you're just going to be miserable in the present.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yay! It's a big day. Yeah, welcome. Welcome to adulthood. That's awesome. We're proud of you.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah. I don't even know your financial situation and a hard no. Yeah. How bad is it? How much do you owe?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
$230,000 in student loans. Are you a doctor?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah, dude, you took out $230,000 for an MPH. I mean, what's the highest possible money you could make as a public health administrator?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Gosh. Oh, boy. Yeah. Are these private schools?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
No, I know they are, but this is a... Are you a first-gen college student?
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah. So there's the, man, it's such a brutal trap where parents are like, no, no, no, no, no. My kid's going to go to this fancy school. Make me look good. And then they're going to, yeah, they're going to be the, they're going to carry it.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah, but she's hitting you up for money to buy a house and so... She has no... Well, not money.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Gosh. Hey, listen. I say this with all love to your family. They have given you such horrific financial advice up till now. You've got to stop listening to them. Okay? You've carried your dream as far as you can carry it because now this is your nightmare.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
If you told me you owed 230 grand and you were finishing up med school, you're finishing up nurse practitioner school, then I would be sad for you. But man, there's a path. This is going to be really tough. Because even tapping, I mean, the highest possible paying job you could get as a public health official with an MPH, master's in public health. Yeah, it's 75 or 85.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
I have a problem with it. I have a problem on your behalf. Sounds like she has a problem with you if she left you out of this.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Yeah, but then the federal government just announced they're hacking all the NIH jobs, and that's going to trickle down through administrative positions at hospitals.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
You're welcome. If my mom just gave the kitchen table to my sister without at least letting me know, I'd at least be like, really? Right? I mean, that's a huge thing. You have a right to be upset. Yeah. Be upset. I'm not even supposed to know.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
Here's the thing, you have run up against a hard truth, and this hard truth is math. And I know you want to honor your mom and dad by doing whatever they say and carry their dreams forward. I get that. And I know that's a hard thing that George and I are asking you to do. And I know you want to stay in New York City.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And I know that you want to make sure that you don't make your mom stressed out with her worrying and all this stuff. You have a math problem, a very serious math problem. And that is you owe the United States government $230,000 and you make $50,000 a year. It's just a math problem and it's catastrophic. It's really tough.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And so you're going to have to get serious about where can I live where my cost of living is as low as humanly possible? And what job can I get? Can I find a rural hospital that will pay me 100 grand to be an administrator at a small hospital so that I can get to pay in the stuff? I mean, you're gonna have to think very radically.
The Ramsey Show
Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future
And you might tell your parents, I'll be back in five years when these loans are gone. And God help you if you sign for a mortgage or something like that. I mean, you can't. You can't afford that. You know what I mean? Have you started having to make payments yet?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Moms who outsource childcare are some sort of like lizard person. They're less than. And you thought, okay, I'm going to quit all this, and it's going to, quote, unquote, feel a certain way. And in both situations, you went with you.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And so if you've been running for something for a long time or you run and move as a way to try to outrun ghosts that have been hounding you since you were a little kid, if you're constantly on the move, yeah, sitting at home and facing the fact, can we just all say this, parents? Parenting can be super boring, right? it can be like catastrophically boring.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
There's only so much cha-cha in getting thrown up on and washing bottom. I mean, it's- It's mundane.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yes. And so I think, yeah, what Rachel said, I think is so important is none of these decisions are forever. Right. And if you and your husband hold them lightly and say, okay, we're going to try this for six months. And then you be honest about, I'm kind of going bananas. I need to go talk to a therapist. I need a group of friends. By the way, I think every stay at home mom needs to have a gang.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
This idea that women go home and you're stuck in a house with a crying baby. It's never happened in human history. And we call, we tell moms, y'all are the problem. That's insane, right? So you got to get a gang, all that stuff. Is any of this ring true?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Contributing to a human being is infinitely more valuable than a 401k.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And that doesn't mean getting barfed on isn't any less fun.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
What are you worth? And we answer that with a number. And that's insane.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
There's no silence. There's just, can I have a snack? Can I have a snack? Can I have a snack?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Well, you can't get out of debt if you're from California. That's true.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
I want to hear from you. I want to hear about your, you have a tension that I think so many Americans have that we don't talk about it. This both survivalist, like you grew up without a whole lot, me too, and so you kind of know this can all go away. And at the same time, you get that job and you're kind of successful and you get to have all the stuff that you were never able to have.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And so you live in this constant tension of it's all going to go away And so maybe you have a deep freezer full of, I don't know, hot dogs or whatever. But then also you're just buying stuff all the time. Tell me about that tension that you lived with.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Have you had the checks deposit and you don't have a mortgage to send them to yet?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
It's the next one that y'all will be weird and then next month you'll look at each other and be like, I think we're rich. It's so crazy.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
I found out there's a whole bunch of people who've paid their house off. And it's kind of like the guy at the bar who just says, excuse me, because he knows he can beat up everybody and he didn't have to like bark and prove it. You'll find out there's a whole bunch of people who've paid it off. They just don't feel like they have to talk about it because they have peace in their life.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
They haven't approved anybody anymore, right? And then they can go buy socks. They don't have holes in them. It's fantastic. So what's the thing y'all are going to work towards to buy now?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
I do want to get some cowboy boots, actually.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Saturday evening after the event, y'all go downtown. You can get 19 pair of boots for like four bucks or whatever. Get some hats. And that would be fantastic.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Let me make one more quick observation. Both of y'all, this is marriage number two?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yep. The fact that you guys came together and did not just throw your feet up on the couch and say, we're just going to give us another whirl. But whatever happened in your past, y'all entered into this new marriage, blending a family, which is hard. A picture of your girls came up, just stunning younger. I mean, brother, you're in for a mess, my man.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
y'all put some hurdles in your way immediately and y'all overcame them. And so I want y'all to remember back to this point when y'all get sideways with, with each other, which you will, every marriage does. Y'all can do anything, right? Y'all did it right out of the gate. It's amazing.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
But they're bucking every trend. California, you can't pay it off. It's impossible. It's this. It takes two people saying, let's just go get this thing done.
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Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
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It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever you want to call yourself, we all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
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This month, start to build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Please, please, please, please don't do what you're about to do.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Please don't do that. You know in your guts that this is not a good idea. Please don't. And I know it will be hard, it will be uncomfortable, and your dad will get mad, and you're going to feel guilty, all those things. Please don't do this.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Think of it this way. The bank's job is to lend money. And they looked at your boyfriend and looked at your dad and they said, y'all situation is so uncertain and unsafe that we can't, we will not do business with you. Please don't. Not to mention, Nick, you know the mess and the legal mess of buying a house with a boyfriend and how to untangle all that mess.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yeah, it is. I mean, it's tight right now.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And I know you're going to be together forever because we're in love. I know, but we wouldn't have a show if that didn't work out all the time. And then you throw a dad with some significant challenges, man. It is just a recipe for...
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
You being just destroyed financially, your romantic relationship ending up in ash, and then you and your father having no, I mean, you've tangled business with substance abuse, with lifetime of you two having challenges, with grief. I mean, it's just such a wreck. Walk away. Go get an apartment. Please, please, please go get an apartment.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Let's pretend you weren't married, making what you make now, and even what you might potentially make. Would you walk in and buy this house?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And I'm glad that... I mean, I know the cool thing these days is just to write off your parents. I don't believe in that. And I believe hanging in there as long as you can outside of really abusive situations. And the thought of taking care of my parents, that consumes a lot of my thinking. So that's not a bad thing. This isn't you helping him with bad financial decisions.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And this isn't you helping an elderly parent. This is you... thinking that maybe now he's going to look at you and say, I'm proud of you. He's not going to.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And you've been looking for that since you were a little bitty girl, wondering why is he picking the bottle over me and has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the fact that he's got demons, man. And alcohol for him works right now. And he's going to have to walk through that.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And I hate that for you. I hate it for you. I do. I really do, man.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
the number of people who call the show and one she's paid off all his debt and then he finds some new hot young thing at the water park or whatever weird like like you know i mean so yeah you pay off yours y'all can be each other's cheerleaders y'all can high five each other but um yeah i don't pay off his debt yet okay and so you guys recommend apartment save to buy the house then get engaged
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yeah, but even if you have to pay 3% or whatever, I just see most couples that go through divorce, one person wants the divorce just to happen and then the rest of their life just keep going on as it was. And it feels like you're bleeding money everywhere. You got this debt here. You got lawyer fees over there. You're going to get court docket fee. You're going to get feed to death.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And so that's probably going to be, what do you make?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
huge you're free then go buy a $5,000 Camry that will run forever yes and then you're off to the races and can we okay can we I want you to see this you have a real life picture most don't have this you have a real life picture of what it looks like
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
To not take care of your finances, to burn yourself to the ground trying to prop somebody else up who's not interested in your help, and then asking your granddaughter to buy a car so that you in your last few months and years can YOLO. You have a picture of that.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
I want you to try to consider what it would feel like to not owe anybody any money, to have your own house, to have a job where you're making more than $35,000.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
You got savings in the bank. You get what I'm saying? Peace. Peace, peace, peace, peace. Let's all for peace.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yeah, hey, can we make no mistake? This is going to be awful.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
your dad is going to make you feel so guilty and he's going to blame you and you can block him and you cannot respond but this can be hard but just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not the next right thing Emily thanks for the call stay away from water parks right I'm telling you those boys go to water parks and they find new oh my gosh alright thanks to all the guys in the booth thanks John for a great hour and thank you America we'll be back
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And it's like playing whack-a-mole with all these different bills. The only folks I see be successful in this transition, dude, are folks who understand everything about my life that was is now over. Right. And really like metaphorically taking your arm and just swiping it across the table and saying, okay, would I buy this house right now? No. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
First up. Dude, I'm so happy right now. This is my favorite weekend of the year. I love it.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
It's money marriage weekend and people come from all over planet Earth to hang out with us in Nashville, Tennessee. And if you think we get wheels off like on our individual shows, this particular event is so unhinged. It's the best. It's the best of the best.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Then I'm going to spend five grand getting out of it.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
If they're offering you $20,000, then I bet you can get $27,500 for it. I just made that number up, but I guarantee you they are low-balling you like swing low sweet chariots. They send these emails out that they have, and they're fishing for desperate people.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
If you wait two weeks, you can get this thing sold private sale.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
But they're also going to turn around and resell it, but you kind of unveiled their plan. They're going to make a little bit of money on that resale. Where they're going to make most of their money is taking somebody who bought a car and trying to trade them into a lease.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And you've heard that when you drive a new car off the lot, it instantly loses money. You know that one, right? Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
That's right. All a lease is, it's an awesome scam that car companies came up with to get regular consumers just to pay for that depreciation. So they get their car back in two years. Somebody has paid the depreciation and now they can turn on and sell it for what it's worth and they win. Don't play that game. They are looking for desperate people.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Because then you only owe $2,500 versus $2,000. Is your credit pretty shot?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Can I ask you a personal question just between me and you and a couple of million people listening?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
There you go. So sometimes like when you have a big transition or two or three or you mentioned it's just things got chaotic real fast. All of a sudden you look up and the smoke clears. You're like, what happened? Right. I'm all super stable. And then this thing happens. The temptation is I want to fix it all right this second.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
It's like somebody who has like a really just bad gets off the rails with their diet on a weekend and they think they're going to solve it by just starving themselves Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. And what they end up doing is creating such a like a. like a teeter-totter inside their body that they end up overeating Thursday and Friday, right?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
So the hardest thing for you is just like, you make great money. You're clearly awesome at what you do. And you've had a little bit of chaos in your life. You've transitioned, you've moved, all this stuff. Just do the next right move. Get rid of the car. Don't get in bed with any. I said that kind of weird. Don't take out any loans. Don't get in with any consolidation.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
You'll pay this $4,000 off in no time. You'll have your savings back in no time. And then you'll be back on your feet. Like Rachel said, in nine months, this whole thing is behind you. So just do the next right move.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
That's fair. I would get a realtor, dude. I'd get a realtor and get real numbers.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
All right, before I read today's question out loud, I need everybody to relax. James, this may be the end of the show because this is a, you're going to get canceled question because I have strong opinions on this. Today's question comes from Renee in Iowa. Oh, geez, here we go. My husband and I are on baby step two with about $50,000 left to pay off. We earn around 250,000 bucks a year.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Our question is regarding how much we spend for our 13-year-old daughter's travel softball team. Between club dues, private lessons, weekend travel, food, hotels, and I could go on and on. It's about $1,000 a month. Rachel.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
I have written a check. I wrote a check one time for like $4,600. to get out of the house. And it's the, it's the best, it's, it's one of the best money I've ever, ever, ever, ever. And they say, nobody brings a check to closing. You get one, right? I did. I brought one. And within two months I had basically paid myself back, if you will. And that started my entire process again.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
a thousand we're doing well paying off our debt and i don't want to squash her passion for sports then take her out of travel sports because she's one of the top players in the state she still will be she's a hard-working kid and doesn't take our support for granted but i feel like i'm breaking the rules for paying off debt and baby step two what are your thoughts on this
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
This is the killer question, the knife in the heart question. Our debt is not her fault, so I feel like it's unfair to take this from her just to save some money.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Like, it's not like... Yeah, my problem with this has nothing to do with math.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Make a quarter million dollars, pay off your debts.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Like in my head, I'm like... Yeah, you're taking home 18 to 20,000 bucks a month, making a quarter million dollars. And... You take five or 7,000 of that a month, pay off 50 grand.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yes, I would be shocked and Renee, I can be wrong. I'd be shocked if there's not a whole bunch of other expenses that we quote unquote have to do.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Or I'm going to use her words. We're going to squash our kid's passion. It's not her fault, so it's unfair. All this stuff. So here's what I spent my career. I did travel sports in their first iteration. I was a college athlete for a couple years. My whole life has been around athletics, and I love it. And I've got to sit. Some of my buddies are collegiate trainers.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
That's what they do for a living. I also work with some of the top physical fitness folks in the world. So I love this. I love sports. I love all of it. And we are destroying our kids at the altar of every weekend, private lessons, club dues, performance. And we say things like, she's one of the best players in the state. Great. That doesn't mean you spend a thousand bucks a month.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
If you go ask people who work with professional athletes and even the top collegiate athletes are going to tell you, Let your kids have time off. Make them play other sports. Go do other fun things. Go camping. Have weekends. Have a childhood.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
That's right. And I've got collegiate trainers and collegiate medical staff, friends of mine that said they see repetitive joint use injuries in 18-year-olds that have always been reserved for geriatric patients. Shoulders, knees, it's madness, right? In this intense specialization and the intense focus. And so... I want every parent, like you said, it's not about money. It's not about money.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
If you make 75,000 bucks, let me put it this way. Everything is on the table when you're trying to get out of debt. It's an emergency for your family. And I do like kids having some skin in the game and moms and dads, you're not robbing from your children. If you don't shell out $1,000 a month for soccer or for softball or for whatever the thing is, you're not robbing a childhood.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Getting out of debt and just stopped being chained every
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
our kids are being made the center point of the family of the house your 13 year old knows that her life dictates every weekend every evening of the week all of the driving the money they know that and kids cannot hold they're not strong enough to hold the the entire weight of a family that's the parents job Teach your kids to be disappointed.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Teach them, hey, me and your dad got into a whole bunch of debt, and so all of us have to sacrifice. And they're going to learn resilience and frustration. And your 13-year-olds will say things like, oh, I hate you. They're 13, right? There's a reason we don't let 13-year-olds buy guns or beer or vote, because they're 13, right?
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Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And so if you are playing this, it's unfair, and I don't want to get mad, and I don't want to take their passion... You won't do any of that stuff. You won't do any of that stuff. You will give your kid a stable, as Dr. Becky Kennedy says, a sturdy presence to anchor into. And that's way more important than shelling out private lessons and travel and hotels and
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And all this madness, it is stone madness. And if you talk to any professional coach, they'll tell you, geez, Louise, man, do something else. Go play soccer, go play basketball, go take a karate class, go play guitar, do other things that make you a well-rounded human being.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
It's turned into all of America. And here's the thing. I have great sympathy for parents, Rachel, because they're told at four, your kid's pretty fast. Or how good does it feel when someone's like, hey, your kid made this team? And you're like, yeah. It's going to cost $900 because I see something in your kid. And if they get on this team, then next year they can get on this team.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
By fifth grade, they can get on that team. And then in eighth grade, they can get on this. And you just got put into a rocket ship that is so expensive.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
I would love to see a parent who is awesome, who would be willing to go back and say, okay, here's how much money we spent. And I would love to just give it to you or George or Jade and have y'all run it through. If y'all invested this, just put it in a 529 or put it in a Roth for your kid.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
13-year-olds, nine-year-olds, seven-year-olds, they're gonna want Twinkies and Skittles and to stay up late and to play games and have other recognition from other adults. Kids are just kids. I heard somebody say recently that I just love, I don't wanna hear another person say, quote unquote, the kids these days. They haven't changed. Kids are kids. They're always gonna try to push the boundaries.
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Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
They're always gonna say, I want the next shiny thing. That's because they're kids. What's changed is adults who are worshiping their children's feelings And they don't have their own psychology. They weren't trying to relive their childhood. Everybody's Uncle Rico. If I had just gotten my shot. But I think the bigger thing is the more honest take is,
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Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yeah, it's 37%. When it was 30, it wasn't 45.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Parents are so worried about how their kids feel on a minute-by-minute basis that they end up with 19-year-olds that can't pick up their arms and that have no resilience and no psychology for disappointment or frustration.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And it's categorically not true, period. you
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Unless they come back and say you're going to lose $60,000 or $70,000. How much does this house cost when you bought it?
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Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Okay, yeah. You'll probably spend up to $10,000 or $15,000 to write a check to get out. Yeah. And that will be painful on top of everything else. How are you doing with the divorce mess?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
The greatest marriage retreat on earth. I'm a little bit biased, but I think it's the best one that's out there.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Where do you take your, where do you take your savings?
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Well, I guess there's two things here. One is you can't... You're asking yourself to do something. You're asking yourself to find trust within yourself, and the person you're trying to trust continues to violate the trust. If you want to reestablish trust, then you have to put down on the table, lay it out there, here's what must be true for me to trust you again.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
We're going to have to practice, and we're going to have to go step by step to reestablish trust, and then the other person has to participate.
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Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
No, it's not. It's not. It's not a real statement. That's what dudes from Montana say when they're trying to stop from weeping. It's what cowboys say. Yeah. How are you?
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Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yeah, I mean, you need to have a spreadsheet that has every account on it and what every password for every account is. And you should both be sitting down with an investment professional, smart investor pros, we call them here, and they're walking both of you through your retirement accounts and how much money you have in those accounts. And you should know how much cash y'all have.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Okay. So here's the thing. Here's what you need to do. Yeah. Go ahead.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Okay. My guess is if there's missing money or suddenly money is getting moved around all over the place, that if you went and did a forensic deep dive into that, and forensics just means you went line by line to see what stuff is being spent, you're going to find stuff spent on flowers and hotel rooms and things like that. It's just very rare for things to just be be bopping along for 15 years.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Everybody's on the same page. And then suddenly all the money gets moved and you don't know where it is. Some of us getting spread out, all that kind of stuff. If I'm you, or if you're my sister, you are my mom, I would tell you pull your credit report. today to find out what loans have been taken out with your social security number. I would freeze my credit.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And then I would tell my husband, we're going to have a meeting with every single account, every dollar amount. I want to know what is in all of our retirement accounts. I want to know what's in all of our savings account, what's in our checking account and accounting for where all the cash actually is. Yeah. And it's just going to be a sheet. And by the way, it's not hard to do. I've got one.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
My wife has one. And Rachel, it's pretty common that somebody just instantly gets into a mess. And I see it more and more with online gambling over the last few years.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
It's the biggest waving on top of a mountain red flag there is.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Well, you got a road of fact finding for the time being.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Because you're not getting the full story.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And let me flip it on its head to the men out there. You are not helping your wife have any sort of peace in her life by saying, I've got it. I've got it.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
At some regular interval, whether it's every month or every quarter, twice a year, once a year, sit down and say, and of course there's somebody who pushes the button and pays the bills or somebody who moves the money. I get that. Have some sort of, Hey, just so we're all on the same page. Here's where everything is. And here's where we are.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
That brings so much peace to your house and it keeps these nightmares from happening.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yeah, but there's also something about not being able to hold your baby every night of the week that it's hard to breathe, right? I get that. It is. Yeah, I'm sorry, man.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
How'd y'all come to that arrangement, man? You're getting hosed on that deal.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
No, no, no. Hey, just—bro, this guy is not your friend. Yeah, he's my business partner. I understand that there's got to be a divide there. And he's a bad business partner. You might be right. You've got to dissolve a sin. Because I'm just thinking, if one of my buddies came to me and I was in school and we had a business and suddenly he was running the whole thing—
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
It wouldn't even occur to me to respond the way he did.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
As a 21-year-old, A, you're dealing with, I wish I had another word for it because it's got romantic connotations and that's not what I mean. But you're dealing with a breakup, dude. You're dealing with a friend who's not treating you the way you treat him. And I wish this wasn't the case for the rest of your life, but people are going to hurt you for the rest of your life.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
It's just kind of part of it. And you'll find a group that will ride with you to the end, no matter what. But just hear from me and Rachel, what's happening to you is categorically unfair. And he's revealing himself as a person who lacks integrity. Or maybe he's 20 and he's just incredibly immature.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
But I would not trust him as far as I can see him because he's proven to you he's not a person of character and integrity. And he wants to take the money that you're earning and take it and say, this is mine. just because of some handshake we made. And it's just not accurate. And so I wouldn't throw the business away, but I would dissolve the partnership. And I would say, I quit this.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Well, and maybe you pause that and say I'm going to sell it and y'all are going to split the cost of you getting out of the mortgage. And you and or your attorney can make a case for, I can't afford this on my current salary, so I'm going to have to sell it.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
I'm going to go open my own business down the street. And I would do exactly what you're doing and make all $300,000 or half a million dollars a year on your own. It's what you're doing anyway, right? Pretty much. You just got to call this what it is.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
we're a really good team you know our skills and our attributes kind of complement you're breaking my heart brother you're not this is like somebody talking to somebody who's like i know she cheats on me but like we're really good together so nice she's so nice and she's pretty and like her dad takes me hunting like i get that but your marriage like that relationship's over same here man
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
He's going to get married and want to take three months off and you'll just keep doing the job. I mean, he'll want to go to his kids games and you'll keep doing the job and he'll want to start another side business and you'll keep doing the job.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And since she's the one who left, then I'm going to ask her to bear the entire or at least half of the burden of selling this house and getting out of it.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Yeah, I mean, here's the other thing. Don't resent him because that's on you. That's because you didn't set up a boundary and a hold to it. You just kept going along with it and going along with it and going along with it. And now you hate the guy. Every time you see his phone pop up, like his caller ID will pop up on your phone, you're mad. Don't do that to him. Just let him go.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Let the person who lacks integrity go. And dude, he's a childhood friend. Y'all wanted a business. Y'all had big dreams together. And by the way, can we just say this? For a 20-year-old making half a million dollar top line, you are absolutely crushing it. You must be amazing at what you do. Imagine if you had a team working behind you and beside you that had the same work ethic and drive you did.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
You'll be painting the entire city, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's a whole nother. You just got to agree.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And in a perfect world, another thing, Dave Ramsey would send me an email and just say, hey, I just deposited $5 million into your checking account just because I love you. You're handsome. That'd be awesome. And in another perfect, you get what I'm saying? We keep doing this all day long, right? It's just, unfortunately, and you're finding it out, we don't live in a perfect world.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
We live in a messed up, sideways, jacked up world. And I want to commend you, dude. You've tried to have the hard conversation. You're doing great business. You had dreams for you and your buddy.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Everybody who gets divorced, it just feels so common.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
Everybody I talk to underestimates how disruptive and how destructive it is. Just blows up everything.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And by the way, we intentionally keep this at about half the price of what weekend retreats are. And we intentionally, like we could shove another 1500 people in this auditorium. We intentionally undersell it. So we like as a team, we choose to make less money so we can get people in here that when they leave, it's not just three days of talking to somebody.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
It's three days of like, you and I are both married. We're trying to figure this thing out too. It's everybody in a room figuring this thing out together. It's my favorite thing that I'm a part of. It's awesome.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
But marriages will be saved. That's right.
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
My friend Ian Simpkins says, if busyness is your drug, rest will feel like stress. mm-hmm and i'm talking to two moms so i i cannot stand when dudes are like all right here's ladies here's what you're feeling i'm not doing that at all but i want to pose these questions um you have entered into what i think from the outside looks like the great um guilt factory that is modern motherhood
The Ramsey Show
Break the Cycle of Financial Self-Sabotage
And there was a whole bunch of people that told you, if you drink like a man, earn like a man, like if you buy into that nonsense, by the way, men kill themselves more, they die younger. Like if you buy into that track that you'll quote unquote feel a certain way. And then there's this other side of it that is, how dare you do that? You've got this kid at home.
The Ramsey Show
Make Money Choices Today That You Won’t Regret Tomorrow
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. And they don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Yes, you've gotten beat up. Dave, I actually love that. I love that. Because you'll do it with a smile on your face, but you are taking a moment, to sound woo-woo, you are taking a mindful moment to absorb the consequence of you not making good choices. And that's important. It keeps you from doing it again. Exactly.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
You've got $20,000 of dead money. That should hurt for four months when you write $5,000 checks.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Dave, can we just say this out loud? Rolling negative equity on a depreciating asset, I can't think of a dumber way to set money on fire in your house.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just poking on him, but the thought that that's an option.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
And then the brakes squeak and the dealer says, oh, you should I can just put you in a new one. Yeah. If you just give me this one, we'll roll it. Well, yeah, man, it's getting a mess.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Yeah, if you pay that house off real fast, Drew, when she gets done, the biggest thing I see when people graduate with their big graduate degrees, whether it's an MD or a nurse practitioner or a vet, is their colleagues all drive really fancy cars and they all have huge houses that they go to at Christmas. And you start thinking, am I doing something wrong?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
We need to get a different house or a bigger house. If y'all can stay in that $300,000 house and pay it off in a year and a half, and she starts socking away that house payment for the purchase of a practice in eight years or her own metal building that she's going to turn into a shop, man, then y'all win.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
What I see vets do is they go and they get a big house, and then they borrow a million dollars to buy into a practice or to start their own, and then they're just up to their eyes and ears in debt. And so, man, you guys have a chance to do this thing.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Yeah, yeah. So you can get out over your skis on this, or you can look up in 10 years, have a paid-for nice house, a paid-for practice, and you are just in gravy train.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Why not? Wouldn't hurt a thing. Sherry, will you make me a promise?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
My mom's a little bit older than you, but I'm going to pretend you're my mom for a second. Will you do me a favor? Sure. Will you pay your house off today and cash out both of those policies and take you and that rapture husband of yours out on a vacation or at least a real fancy, fancy dinner?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Glenn, how much do you have to deal with parents who challenge you on a credit card deal or a car lease or something like that?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
What do you would like? So whenever I see politicians or even me and my team, we get in a room and we're talking about what, quote unquote, these kids these days are dealing with. You're in there every day.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
When it comes to money, what are these high school kids, like, obviously they don't know about credit scores, they don't know about debt, they don't know about that kind of stuff, but what do you see them really worrying about?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
That's amazing. And Glenn and Dave, we continue to hear that, that there's all of this rhetoric about all this other stuff going on in the average American and their high school kids who, by the way, if you're a parent of high schoolers, they're absorbing everything is, hey, how are we going to buy eggs, right? How are we going to buy groceries?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
And so, man, I'm so grateful that you're there walking alongside them.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Jackson, if you could close your eyes and imagine 30-year-old Jackson, what would your life look like? Would you have a house? Would you have your own business where you've got two employees working for you? What would that look like?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
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The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
So most people have these things that float in and out of their heads. You, you're laying under a truck, turning wrenches, you got somebody's podcast on, and maybe your drive to work, your drive home, you've got this. Man, one day I want to have a thing.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
What's really cool is when somebody in your position, because most people we talk to are, man, they've got a couple years ahead of them to just get to zero, right? You're ahead of the curve. I would love for you to spend some time, and this sounds so cheesy, man, so just go with me. really picturing yourself at 30 within your own house and what that house would look like.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
And I always want to, as a guy who, Dave, I pride myself on paying my bills on time. I pride myself. I always want to remember that voice that I just heard. That's going to haunt me for a while, Dave, is the woman who had an abusive marriage with The court did what the court did. She's got three kids.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
There are things that pop up in people's lives, and that's why you live and give like nobody else. You get these moments like this for people, and I'm glad that there's those situations they can walk in and say, here, can I just settle this thing and be done with it? It's awesome.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
And then get online and find out how much that house would cost. And then, as Dave says, you start being intentional about, man, going out with the boys on the weekend is fun and cool. But dude, I have a picture of the house. So I'm not going to blow $11,000 at various bars this year. That 11 grand is going to go into an account because I want to have X dollars.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
I love this question. This question comes from Jessica in Florida. Do you have advice for adult children discussing wills with their parents? We know that my husband's parents will be upset about who we've chosen as the guardians of our children should we pass away before they reach adulthood. Should we tell them our plans or leave it to them to find out if anything does happen to us?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Great question. Please, please, please have the courage to sit down and have those hard conversations. This is a great way for your kids to get dragged through court when your in-laws decide to sue your guardians because they didn't know and blah, blah, blah. Like, yes, have that hard conversation. That's my opinion on it.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
She said, put a sticker on it, and once the sticker's on it, no complaining.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
And I also suspect that if you didn't choose these folks to be the guardians of your children, this is why, right? Because they don't respect you as adults. They think that they've got all these impositions. They don't get a vote. Right. They don't get a vote.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
So when I'm 30, I'm walking into my house that I own and nobody else owns it. Yeah. What's it cost to buy and equip this truck? Yeah, so you want to have a real firm picture.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
And by the way, if mom, if grandparents decide that this just makes them so mad that they don't want to do Christmas with you anymore, then it's a two for one deal for y'all. Now you have to do fun Christmas without these goofballs. I get them. Hey, listen, I get them being sad about it. I get them thinking, oh, I wish it was us. I get that. I get that. We need to keep it in the family.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
I get all that. They don't get a vote. And that's hard. I think, Dave, I keep getting this question.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
I get this question more and more these days. I want to give them more gummy bears.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
The question underneath this question is how do we have this conversation without them getting mad, disappointed, frustrated? And you can't. You cannot own somebody else's emotions when you have a hard truth to tell them. You can own how you say that hard truth with dignity, with honesty, and with a period at the end of the sentence. Say less than you think you need to say.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
They get to decide whether to be angry, sad. That's for them. You can't manage that. This upsets me. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
We want you all to stay grandparents and not have to become parents.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Yeah, you'll get married, and that picture's going to change because you're all going to do one together, but that's where that intentionality, it gives you a map towards a thing you want to get to. Does that make sense?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Good for you. Wow. So on behalf of my family, just personal, for what you do professionally, thank you. That's a hard gig, and somebody in your seat wearing your title changed my family. So thank you.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Tell us where that emotion comes from.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
And your buddy is going to come over to your house to hang out, not paying some bar owner to go into their facility, right? It's just a different thing. Or you and your wife are going to walk into this house when you're 30.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Have you found – so something that has come up a few times over the last couple of years is people get this HD picture and they strangle it. And I'm starting to wonder if having that HD picture is step one, and then step two is having the discipline or the patience to hold that pretty loosely, too. You get what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, because it's never going to be exactly what it is.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Have you had that month yet where you didn't have any payments but your paycheck deposited?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Dude, in anything that comes your way in the future, you're going to be able to smile and say, just buckle up because I've already been through worse than you.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
You do, but you're A, going back to grad school isn't going to solve that problem. And B, you're fishing in a very small pond. Do you get what I'm saying?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
I'm saying you are continually looking for the same jobs and the same type of engineering place, right? That's going to always come back to. It's like me. If I want to go back to being a dean of students, but I don't want to be on call, I can't have that job because that's the important part of that job.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
But if I want to work at a university, I'm going to have to broaden what I'm looking at with my skill set. Do you know what I'm saying? You're an engineer. You can do stuff that Dave and I can't do because you have a license. You can go do amazing things.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
I found out someone on our team still has a waterbed.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
but you're gonna have to broaden your picture of what being an engineer is like or but it may not be direct or indirect it could be indirectly related but still of course you've got a you've got you're able to yeah and by the way i i'm telling you because i love you i sat with what i would call we called when i was a graduate school professor perpetual students
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
who kept going for the next license the next degree the next thing not as not as a way i had to get another degree because my field i felt was closing and i needed a licensure you were just trying to avoid the grind that is if you want to make two hundred thousand dollars a business wants you to work that hard and that just stinks it's hard and i think you can and listen if you talk to people in an interview like you've been talking to us you're never going to get hired
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
that's it it's looking at you have some you have extensive liabilities out on your family for this for this thing so you think just being present with this kid is the greatest gift the greatest gift you can give that kid yes is your presence but like having a house with peace in it, and you're in for over a quarter million dollars. You have no peace.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
And so you can find a high school kid, a college kid in your local community who will be on call with you. I'm going to pay you $25 an hour, $30 an hour, $50 an hour to come over on those rare nights I get called. And you come over to my house within an hour, and I need you here. I actually have four of them.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Well, here's the other thing. You probably had an arrangement with your husband that one day this was going to be how this was, right? Maybe you're going to be a stay-at-home mom. Maybe you're going to work part-time. And there's something about grieving the end of that dream, too, because he passed away. I know you've grieved his loss and all that, but there's this moment now.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Now I've got a kid, and now I've got this. It just stinks, man. It's heartbreaking.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Yeah. Go get it. Go get it. Go get it. Go get it.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Thank you for having me. I hope you're doing well.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
I'm doing a bit better, a bit worse, but it's going in the right direction. Good.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
I was trying to get some advice. So I don't know if it'd be better to pay off the debt on my truck or pay down the negative equity on my wife's vehicle so that we can get her into a different vehicle.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
a couple of the last bad deals yeah okay yeah we've been stacking them we stacked them on her car okay stupid it's layers of stupid okay wow we've not been very good stewards of what we've been given what do you guys make what's your household income uh we've made about 140 last year okay and what other debts have you got so we owe 246 000 on our house mm-hmm
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
And then we owe $1,800 on my truck's bed cover. And then there's just the two vehicles. That's it.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Can you just sell your truck, take $5,000 out of that $7,000 and go buy a $5,000 get-around car?
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
So actually, I sold my other truck. This is the better end of it. I actually had a much more expensive truck and bought this truck to downgrade. Yeah, but you're not all the way at the bottom yet. It actually cleared up like $16,000.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
But you still owe $20,000 on it, right? Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
It is. We went to six different dealerships trying to get out of this car.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Well, the thing is we actually just came into some pretty good money. Well, bury the lead.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
What did you come into? I'm sorry. Well, so when I sold my truck, I got all my warranties back from the other dealerships. We got about $6,000 from them. And then my wife started a new job, and she got a sign-on bonus of $12,000. She got half of it just now. So we have roughly $30,000 in the bank right now.
The Ramsey Show
Life Happens. Are You Going To Be Ready for It?
Pay off your truck. You got $30,000 in the bank right now? Yes.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Comfortable, but Comfort Doesn’t Build Wealth
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. They don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
What up, what up? It's Dr. John Deloney from the Dr. John Deloney Show with some amazing news. The latest episode of United States of Anxiety is available right now exclusively on the Ramsey Network app. This docuseries follows real people from my show as they embark on a 90-day journey to transform their lives, and I personally walk alongside them every step of the way.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
Okay, now, here's a sneak peek of what the new episode is all about. And don't forget to click the link in the show notes to download the app. What's up, Kelsey?
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
What does crippling anxiety mean? Paint me a picture of that. All right, so you ready to jump in?
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
We're going to check in with Kelsey 30 days, 60 days, 90 days.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
She's experiencing things that really hurt a long time ago. Tell me about this boy.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
It just feels like it would be exhausting to be Kelsey.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
Whenever somebody's playing whack-a-mole with their anxiety, when it just keeps moving, that tells me the underlying system's not okay.
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
One of two people that's supposed to never leave took off. How is this, how is this burden? Your burden, that's right. To the one person who should carry it, all of it. Did you ever tell that little girl that it wasn't her fault?
The Ramsey Show
Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries
You either have to choose to let this guy love you, or you gotta choose to let this guy go.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Remember when we just talked? Open your hand up. Right now, I can hear your hands are clenched. I can feel it on you. Open your hand up. Let it go. Let it go. Because replaying what you had and what you did over and over and over again will keep you from moving forward. What I hear is somebody who, A, has done it before so that you can do it again, and B, you've got a great heart.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
The world needs more of both of those attributes. You just need a little more wisdom, okay?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Your own credit cards, your own student loans, your own cars. If she's making payments, let her make payments and go on about cleaning up your mess because you're not cleaning this deal either, man.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Who's the custodian of the trust? What's that? Who's the custodian of the trust?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay. So are they in charge of it? If you had to go ask, how do you take withdrawals? Let me ask you that.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay. I would find out who's in charge of the trust.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
So I would tell you that is one of the top two or three wealth killers for new couples, especially when they're under the age of 25. Mm-hmm. Is this quote unquote, I'm just tired of, or this was my college car, or we just feel like we, or you're my new wife. And so I want to buy you a, that's when people get themselves, they buy depreciating asset.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
That just is a, such a wealth suck versus if you all shook hands and agreed on the first two years, let's just keep driving the same crappy cars and let's just get so far ahead financially that we can get whatever car we want for the rest of our time together.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
I can't think of a bigger mistake I made right when I graduated college than running and trying to buy, after driving a tiny little crummy car that is probably still running somewhere because you can't kill those old Toyotas. I went and bought the stupidest, biggest, dumbest truck I could find. It was so dumb.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
For every idiot. Not for every Texan, but for every goofball like me. Yeah, dude. And I think an important call out here, George, is your heart is right, brother. And Tanner, like when y'all get married, her student loan debt is y'all's student loan debt. I would want to know what was the main purpose of this trust.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Was it set up for all the grandkids to get everybody through college, and now you're through college and it's still there? What's the purpose of this trust? What was its original intent? And what I don't want you guys to do is be married and have your mommy still dangling this account over your head like, well, are we going to get grants? I don't like that. That makes me feel like, meh. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Yeah. Getting out of college, man, I want to know if there's a trust with my name on it, I want to know what the rules and regulations are of this thing, when it's fully mine, when I'm in control of it, what the original intent was, all that kind of stuff. And that's just about having a grown-up conversation with whoever the trustee and the custodian is.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
But I could see a very real world scenario where, oh, well, this wasn't for you paying off your wife's student loans. She needs to. And now we're in a. There's strings attached. That's right. It gets messy. It gets super messy. And that's what I want. If that's the case, then best of luck to you guys. We're going to take care of our own financial future at our house.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Thank you for having this thing. Get me through college debt free and getting some Roths funded. But I don't want to be controlled by this imaginary puppet string over off to the side in a new marriage.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Or I think the TV show version is a trust fund has $80 billion in it and you're just not working and flying around in jets when actually most trusts are. It's like that. I don't say it's small, but it's a chunk of money. It's got a very designated purpose. Get you through school, get you that first house.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And that's where it's one of those moments where it's been about money and it's been about asking. Now it's about a transfer of wisdom and trust. Hey, I want to sit down and talk about the guts, the nuts and bolts of this trust. And that's just an adult conversation that's uncomfortable, but you got to have it.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
All right, today's question comes from Kathy in Rhode Island. Kathy writes, am I supposed to pay off a loan my husband took out from the bank without my knowledge? He recently passed away and it was only then that I learned that he had a $10,000 loan. When I asked the bank what it was for, they told me that information was confidential and they couldn't tell me why he needed it.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
They just said that I'm liable for it as his spouse. What? Should I pay it off or let it go to collections? Sheesh. I would guess that you inherit the entire account, including the notes. But yeah, you're going to have to talk to somebody in Rhode Island because I don't know what the particular...
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Unless the estate's liable for it. Yeah. Who knows, man? You need some more information here. My fear is the bank's coming for you and they're not being fully open. Yeah. Because whatever is confidential is going to be in that bank file. And if you inherit everything, then you inherit everything.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Yeah, there's some stuff going on here. And I don't know what that is. She doesn't know what it was for. But you need to get an attorney and dig into it, Kathy. Yeah. That's really the best. Yeah. In some situations, your estate is liable for the debt. And in some places, like student loans, when you die... The loans go with you.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Yeah. And by the way, don't let it just go to collections. If you are on the hook for it and it's going to go into collections and you're attached to it, then yeah, you got to just pay it off. Or if he somehow took it out in both of your names or he took it out under an account y'all share, yes, you're going to have to pay this thing.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
If he did just go to a rando bank, open up an account, take a loan out in just his name and that bank got your name is trying to collect on you, then you may you may have a case to not pay it. But you need to check with a local attorney there.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And this is yet case number 5,870,000,000. Don't have secret accounts. Don't keep secrets like this from your spouse because one day you will die and you'll leave them with all of that nonsense, man. Don't do it. Don't do it. If you're trying to take secret accounts, trying to take secret loans, George and I, we do this all the time. You will be found out. Don't do it. Don't do it.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
For gambling debts, for secret girlfriends, for secret gifts you want to buy. Just don't do it. Don't do it because this kind of crap happens all the time. And you just leave a grieving spouse wondering, what else do I not know? And it's bad all the way around. Don't do it.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
timeline here or is it just indefinite he is he's super healthy so i mean they he doesn't have any kind of a clock or anything they're expecting him to have a really long kind of normal life okay great can i just applaud you before we get into the nuts and bolts can i applaud you for um for a lack of better terms just owning reality
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Because a lot of folks get so mad and they go to war with reality. And you're already like, okay, well, maybe we'll need to have a different kind of house or I'll need to have a different kind of job or we'll have to take a different kind of mortgage insurance, whatever. That just shows a level of maturity and wisdom that is just awesome. So I just wanted to high five you for that.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
income and then the rest has been going towards our down payment funds so awesome so we're at a good spot there what if y'all built a world where that might just be your reality forever yeah that is a good idea well and by the way grieve grieve it because that's a bummer too right
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Because maybe you wanted to be a stay-at-home mom one day or you wanted to do this or he wanted to become X, Y, and Z. It's just a matter of being like, that was our dream and it's not going to happen. And that doesn't mean everything's bad in our life. That means it's just going to be different.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And so what if for the next 20 years while he's super healthy or 30 years, we just socked his income away?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
So let's have a world where, let's say in 10 years, y'all bought a smaller house, y'all paid it off and you just used his salary and every bit of his salary just goes to paying that house off. And at Ramsey, we tell you to take your time paying your house off and do other stuff, but y'all know your life situation is a little bit different.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And so now you've got to pay for house and then you dump his money into Roth IRAs and just general index funds for the rest of your time. Y'all are going to be, plus your pension, y'all going to be loaded up if y'all learn to live like that.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Yes, and there's going to be days you're driving a used Camry 15 years from now, and you're going to see one of your colleagues pull up in a brand new Tahoe, and you're going to be annoyed, and that's okay. You have permission to be annoyed. And then you go do the next right thing.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Well, they want to do that because they don't see you guys as likely to pay all this back, and so they want to have your house on the block. It'll become a secure debt. That's why they're doing that.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And so you might need to go, George, I don't know if you can go get another bank and see if you can get a HELOC with another bank and refinance the whole thing. That's what I'm wondering.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay. You hear yourself telling us that, and you can even hear that that sounds insane, right?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Well, George and I have both done stupid stuff with money. You're like millions and millions. They wouldn't run this playbook if those plays didn't work on people.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
That's right. And I hate that you got caught up in it. But here's the thing. Two different times somebody told you, if you just do X, all your debt goes away.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
I would tell them we found ourselves five years ago in a scared place during COVID in a predatory HELOC.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Can we, I wouldn't give all the balloon and maturation. I wouldn't do all that stuff. And yes, see if you can roll us up in a traditional mortgage.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And move your payments to $2,500 a month?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
No more HELOCs. You're going to have another balloon at the end of a new HELOC.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
You need to come up with the difference to clear the title. Amber, you're going to have to get probably one job, two jobs, three jobs. Your husband's going to have to get another job. You'll have a huge mess, and you'll have to make an ironclad commitment. We will never borrow money ever, ever again. Ever again. Gotta stop. Gotta stop.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Yeah, the bank sees y'all as a huge liability, so they want to roll all this debt into that house. So they can take your house if you can't pay. So they can take your house. On any of these small credit cards, they can take your house from you. So don't do that. This is The Ramsey Show.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Before we go to Leslie... I won't do it. Yeah, sorry, Leslie. Hang on one second. Like, I... You're stuck on our last caller. I'm stuck on the last caller, and... how it sounds nutty, but it is America. It's the current state of personal finance in America. Seven credit cards, a mortgage, a HELOC on that mortgage, because somebody said, oh, you got equity.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And what Amber said, the last caller said was so important that somebody called her and said, you won't have to worry about this other debt ever again. And it just sounds so amazing, right? Well, when you're that desperate. That's right. And someone calls you like, this is the savior we needed. And people get onto us all the time.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
They beat us up all over the place because they have all this quote unquote equity and you can just pay off everything. But here's what happens. People don't. Then they go or like, oh, we got some extra money. Let's go get a camper. And instead of buying a used car for seven thousand, because that's all we have. It's so easy to go to the lot and be like, well, we got the new ones over here.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And it's like, we took out that HELOC. We have another. And you find yourself. And they go, we can make way. What payment do you need? We can make that work. We'll make it work. Yeah. And we'll just, we'll balloon it later. That's a problem for future you. And if people need any, if they're thinking about taking out a loan, man. Oh, and then COVID happened, right?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
If you're thinking about borrowing money, go back and listen, not to the question Amber was asking, listen to her voice. That haunts me because people call and they call and they call and all they did was what the banker told them to do.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
All they did was what the lender told them to do or the guy on the phone called or their uncle called and everything, you get so desperate that you begin looking for, as Brene Brown says, whatever you're looking for, you're going to find it. a magic wand that will take it all away.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And you just dig a deeper, deeper hole till they come and say, hey, you're going to do what we say now or we're taking your home from you. And that's when you realize, oh gosh, we're about to lose everything, right? It's over $29,000. You might lose your house, right? Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
You get to do whatever you want. Going all the way back to Ohio, that's a long way. It feels like an intentional move away from family.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Thousands and thousands of payments. But more it's when a banker calls you and says, hey, you're ours now. You're going to do what we say. You're going to take all this debt because we don't trust you anymore. Because we've owned you for a long time, and now we're going to call it out. We get to decide what you do next. And there's just a panic in somebody's voice, and it haunts me.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Please, please, please don't borrow money.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Man. All right, let's go out to Grand Rapids. Now we can talk to Leslie.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
So is your dad trying to get you to buy this or has he offered it to sell it to you? How did it come up?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay. So let me, let me hop in here. So a couple of things here. Number one, please don't go to a bank and take out a loan and buy this from your dad like that. Okay. There is some ways that, like for instance, y'all shake hands and he agrees to take 25% of the profits over the next five years. That kind of thing's okay.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And what I like about the percentage is if suddenly there's a COVID hits, Then you're like if you take out a loan from the bank and COVID hits, you're still paying the bank what y'all agreed on. If you have a percentage payout over time and that $80,000 a year profit goes down to 20 for a couple of years because of, I don't know, there's a dog flu that hits or I don't know.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Then y'all both have skin in the game. And if he looks at his daughter who's been with him for 11 years and says no, then I don't want to do business with him. Okay. Here's the other side of it. You're going to have to take language like, I don't feel heard and it makes me sad.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Is there a possibility you could move in with one of your brothers and sisters in a garage apartment or something? I'm just trying to reimagine buying a house right now versus if you're going to be in a caretaker role, moving in with somebody.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
This is a business transaction and you are going to have to get business partners to help you because when family does business transactions like this with family, it gets very emotional. So what does that mean? You're going to have to get a third party appraiser to come in and say, we're going through your books. This is what this thing is worth.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Because dad might say, it's worth $10 million. I want $10 million. And I deserve $10 million. I put 40 years of my life into these things. I want $10 million. And now he's put his daughter in a really precarious situation, both financially, but also you're going to look at your dad and say, dad, it's only worth $3 million. It's only worth $2 million, dad. Right. So now we've got a problem.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
We're going to get a third party appraiser. And if he says, well, I'm not doing that, then again, if you're running this practice, essentially, if you're already a veterinarian and you're leading the team and you're on payroll and you're hiring and firing people anyway, then you can go start your own company.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And by the way, in his generation, you just went and took out a loan, which is why his generation's in the mess that they're in. So don't get mad if he's like, what? I didn't know there's another option. That's fine. I'm not going to get mad at him about that. But I'm not going to go to a bank and mess up every Christmas for the next 15 years because I owe somebody something.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
because I didn't have the courage to tell my dad, no.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
I know it might not be ideal, but man, I love the idea of you saving some money over the next 5 or 10 or 15 years until somebody can help you, right? Because you'll need somebody to love and care on you also.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
It's like Christmas. It just surprises us.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
If you move to Ohio, is your job going to go with you?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And Cindy, every bit of your language reminds me of a guy I used to know, and I'll call him John Deloney 2.0. So tell me if I'm wrong. You survived COVID as a teacher?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Your husband's in a very high stress first responder job.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
You're in a very high stress, I'll call it teacher's first responder job.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Caught up in all the politics, all the nonsense. Plus, I grew up in Houston. Your situation is worse than what I grew up in. And I still have in my nervous system Hurricane Alicia when we had to eat on a camp stove for 10 days because we had no power in the city. And you deal with that every year now in Miami.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And you've probably been scrolling and scrolling and scrolling through your hurricane season, through what happened in Tampa, or almost happened bad, bad in Tampa, and what happened in North Carolina, what happened in the fires. You're an anxious, anxious mess.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
All right, and now here's what you're trying to do. You're trying to take what's happening inside your nervous system and create future tragedies that you're trying to solve in the present.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
You're making yourself nuts. Okay. Okay? Okay. So here's what I want you to do. Cancel for 30 days. Get social media off your phone.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Commit to not going to a news source for 30 days. You're a teacher. If something bad happens, your students will let you know. They know about it before you do. Yes.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
For sure. I want you to detox, okay? Okay.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Now, here's the simple thing. Are you all going to leave Miami?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay. So this is where you live. You have a million-dollar house. Your husband's a firefighter. You're a teacher. You will never be able to accumulate a million dollars in cash to self-insure yourself.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
You're going to make yourself nuts trying to catch that dream by the tail because you can't. And so all you're going to do is scroll job listings. You're going to scroll extra job. You're going to make yourself bananas. So y'all are living there. This is our home. This is our castle. This is where we planted our flag.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And so like George said, okay, well, our dream tax or our home tax, they might make it $10,000. I don't think they're going to. I think they've priced it in the market. They've gone up 8 jillion percent over the last five years. But if hurricanes keep happening and they keep getting more intense and happening more frequently, then it's going to go up.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
They have to cover their spread or they're going to go bankrupt. Okay, so let's just put $10,000. If we pay our house off, we'll have a $500 a month plus our property taxes. This is what it will cost. Ta-da! That's problem solved now. You get what I'm saying? And I'm saying it this calm on purpose because I want you to practice this. Because I think Brene Brown calls it dress rehearsing tragedy.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
You've already imagined yourself standing in front of a knockdown house and wondering what we're going to do. Don't do that until it comes.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay. So, yeah, I like the idea of getting that $10,000. Now, if I'm you, and this is going to kind of break with the Ramsey Protocol a little bit, if I get to, I'll just tell you what I did with my last house. We got right to the very end where we owed $100,000. Yeah, I went full baby step two. I went bananas. But it was for a very limited sprint. You can't do that for five years.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
So you and your husband, y'all could do math, but listen, that's about making a more peaceful, less anxious house. Then it has anything to do with being able to predict what an insurance company, what the weather's going to do or anything like that. Okay. That's you controlling what y'all can control.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And a part of making a non-anxious house for me and my family was, I don't want us to owe anybody anything.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And one last thing I want you and your husband to do, this is for all teachers and first responders. At night, when y'all have shared meals together, open the meal with five things you're grateful for. Look each other in the eye and say them out loud because I want us to remember When the world feels like it's burning down around us, we do have things we can be grateful for. It's a practice.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
No, this has nothing to do with that. You're mad at your husband.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Because you want to stay at home and you're having to work to pay off his student loans. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. You have to get to the root of this thing. Because on its face, let me just say, you can feel however you want to feel. Your feelings are yours and you get to do them. And there's lots of spouses that go visit family members that don't want to, but they do it.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And if it's grandma's last year of her life and she's offering to pay to fly everybody to say goodbye one more time, then if you can do that, I would say do that. But you've got to address your anger. And maybe it's not wholly at your husband. Maybe it's just life and you love him and you're glad you married him and all this stuff. But it just is what it is, what it is.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
You need to address that because you're creating a life that you are resentful of. Does that make sense?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay, I'm just going to make sure I'm not crazy. So have that conversation with yourself and with him. Because right now for him, he thinks he just figured it out. Oh, we can all go and it's going to be free for us.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
I mean, and if you don't want to go and you need to work and you've already committed, spring break's just a few weeks from now, if you've already committed, then say, I got to commit my commitment. And if this is the last year, we're all going to be going back anyway for the funeral, you know, in the next year. So if that's the case, that's the case.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
But I'd much rather you deal with what's really going on here, which is you're stuck in a situation, having to work when you want to be home with your baby. And it's real frustrating. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Or the other side, if being around grandma and her family, aunts and uncles are going to be there, make you sick to your stomach, they've said ugly things about you, whatever, then have that honest conversation because it's going to be bewildering to your husband who doesn't know that you are this against going or you're this frustrated with the life that you're leading and he's not going to be able to figure out over $400 or $500 that you may earn over a spring break week.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
There you go. And if you get to the end and you still don't want to go, don't go, but just be honest about why you're not going. And if every...
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
George this is kind of epidemic levels of people opting out of family because they're annoying or they're man sometimes you just go sometimes you go and you sit by your husband you sit by your wife and you hold their hand and make sure they're not alone when they're going through a really hard moment right and again you and I don't know if this grandma meant to him if
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I'm guessing is happening is he sees how stressed she gets and how frustrated she gets when she has to work this extra week. And he thinks he just solved it. He's like, oh, dude, vacation. All expenses paid trip. Expenses paid trip. And I get to see grandma, but we get to go to Texas. And she's like, I hate all of my life and you. Not really hate, but you know what I mean.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
So, yeah, sometimes getting to the root of the root of the root of the issue is where we got to go.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Hey, guys. Hey, get right to the question. So my question is, I'm in baby step two right now. So I drive a beater, 2004 Chevy Trailblazer. It has 295,000 miles on it. We're starting to have them do a lot of repairs on it and everything.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Hey, John, a lot of times people call us and say they got a beater and they tell us what they're driving. You actually are, so I applaud you, brother. Yeah. Congratulations. You got a for real beater there, dude.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
It's old enough to drink this year, so there's something to celebrate.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Yeah, congratulations, man. So, my deal, I'm starting to put some more repairs on this, which is taking extra money. Yeah. I have roughly $80,000 of consumer debt to pay off, and then I'll start baby step three. But my question is, if I can make this vehicle last through the debt payoff, is it okay to save up some cash to buy a better used vehicle before I start the 36 months of expenses?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
I'll just set up a sink and find a place to put some cash in. Like I said, it will slow down my debt payoff, but I do work full-time, and I do a side gig doing bill dash, and so I make extra money.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Good. You're getting it, brother. And, hey, it'll slow you down, but if you go borrow it, you're going to go backwards. That's what really slows you down. That's right. And George and I will all tell you, just be cautious because, man, it's tempting when you get on that lot.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
and you see what you get for five grand and you see what you could get for 10 gosh it's automatic windows and power steering don't tempt him with a good time air conditioning that works always for 15 i'm in right so just make get that sinking fun and commit to just that being the number
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Or, yeah, you take the last two bedrooms in one of your brother's or sister's house when you're caretaking and you're helping out, and maybe you let that dream go of, I have to buy my own three- or four-bedroom house, but we have a great place to live, and you get to care and serve like you like to.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, everyone. Listen, we all have stories, the family and cultural stories that we were born into, the stories of the things that have happened to us, both the good stuff and the challenging stuff. And we have those stories that we constantly tell ourselves.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
And none of us can go back and change any of our old stories, but the world is waiting to see what each of us is going to write next. As we enter 2025, I encourage you to examine your old stories and be intentional about the new stories that you're going to write. And I'm not talking about making goals that are going to be long gone by February.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
I'm talking about writing new stories that will change your life and the lives of those you love for the better forever. And if you're like me, therapy can be a great place to explore the old stories and heal from them and begin writing new ones. If you're thinking about starting therapy, I want you to consider my friends at BetterHelp.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, and you can talk with your therapist when it works for your schedule. You just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch at any time for no extra cost. So start writing a new story this month with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Give me the overview. How'd you get scammed?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Give me the super, super, super distilled version.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Yeah, so here's the deal. Before we get to the tactics part, you're going to have to do two things. One, you have to release that. You did it. It's over. Okay. Somebody was hurting and you reached out and said, I can help you out. And they bit you twice bad. Okay. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
The more you hang on to that, the more you're choosing on a minute by minute basis to be miserable in the present and to not be able to move forward. Right.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
So let's let go. The second thing is you have to forgive yourself, man.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
I know you have. We've all done stupid stuff with people that we were romantically interested in. We've all done stupid stuff with money. We've all just done stupid stuff. Now, we haven't all done it to the tune of $20,000 or $30,000 or $40,000 or $50,000 like you have, so congratulations on that one. But we've all done stupid stuff.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
You've got to forgive yourself because it's keeping you from doing the next right thing. You get what I'm saying?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
You got a good heart and I'm glad there are people like you out there that are willing to step in and help. And you got bit, man. And so now you got a big old pile of debt. You got a big old mess and you're the only person that can clean it up. Right?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay. So let's own that. Let's release the other nonsense and we're going to move on and do the next right thing. Cool?
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay. Say I forgive myself on national radio.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
There you go, man. There you go. You didn't have to say the on national radio part, but I'm with it. I'm with it. I'm with it. All right. Here we go, George.
The Ramsey Show
It’s Never Too Late to Start Building Wealth
Okay. You can't make your monthly payments every month.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Yeah. And I'm seeing more and more, Dave, the answer to that question will be, well, I just don't know. I need more time, more time. And what's happening is in some states, whoever files has less of a of a stake in what happens, right? And the other person can claim, well, this is, he filed on me or she filed on me. And so there's kind of this push, like, I don't want to be the bad guy here.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
And so I don't know any more time. And the way I'm phrasing it with some of the people I talked to is that they're just slowly getting drowned. And the other person is just, they're out of the marriage, but they don't want to be the, they don't want to have the label as I filed. So they can always say like, he filed for divorce or he divorced me.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
And so it's something, there's something about, let's call it what it is. Let's put it on the table and let's both be adults moving forward.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
I think one of the hardest things people experience is getting to that baby step four, five, and six and deciding that balance between living life and paying this house off. And we see people get it...
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Yes. She kind of went like, hey, it's almost 20 years I've been hearing about this. How about I just write this check so you'll never bring it up ever again?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
It's hard to tell an Aggie well done, but well done. Thank you. Love it. All right.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Most people won't do something for 17 minutes, Dave. They stuck at it. A minute and 70 seconds.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Pretty cool, man. Yeah. I'm really grateful for the opportunity you gave me, man.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
This is the most Oklahoma call I think I've ever got.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Is your particular company that you work for, is that one of their just HR, like they just have a line that says we won't even talk to you? It's like their filtering system?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Well, and I thought it was a scam, like, hey, we'll let you come to the campsite, but you're going to have to pay for this and this and this and this.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Is he riding a motorcycle without insurance?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Yes. He has health insurance or yes, he's driving around on a death trap with no health insurance?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Can I be honest with you? It sounds like you really, really like the idea of getting out of debt.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
But I'm not hearing the idea that we're completely sold out for it. Or is he?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
And sometimes, not sometimes, always, you have to lay on a table. Here's our values and here's what we are willing to do to get this thing done. And it may be, I'm going to go to work for one year and our kids are going to go to school for one year and then we'll get back into this homeschooling thing.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
But with one year of hard work, you going to work full time, him taking another job on top of the one he's got, y'all can be debt free.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
But you're going to have to say our values are worth it. And driving around on a motorcycle without health insurance, I can't think of a less responsible thing a father can do for their kids. It's just not wise. It's just not wise.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
You wouldn't say? I would admit it publicly that I've seen you do that a couple of times. Oh, you have seen me do it a couple of times. Okay. I honestly don't know. I honestly don't know. What in the world does that answer even mean?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
He's not one of them, by the way. No, I'm not on the board.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
I'm not on the operating board. I actually like... No, I've never seen Dave say, this is what's going to happen, and if anyone else challenges me, you're out of here. I've never seen that happen, ever. I knew that. I actually like the billable hours model because the thing that I hear breaks up these tiny teams is I'm working harder than you.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
And so I like you guys building in from day one an incentive structure that is I get paid for the hours I'm putting in. And that way you can go to sleep at night knowing I had to work extra because you took a three-week vacation instead of a two-week vacation, and I got comped for it. Yeah. And there's some skin in the game.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
If he chooses to take a three-week vacation, there's some skin in the game. He's not just going to ride off into the sunset on the back of you.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
No, I think that I didn't know that was still a thing. I knew that was a way businesses for the last 25, 30 years filtered applicants. It was just an easy, but I didn't know they were still doing it.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Dave, is there such thing as a, I don't know another word for it, a prenup for businesses, for people going into businesses? There's some kind of, I guess you'd draw it up in a contract. You can drop it out if you want in a contract.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
It's the family, right? It's the wife that says, hey, don't you own this company? We can go another week. And the brother-in-law.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Isaac, I want you to consider this. Think of it from the other way. The company is saying, hey, we have a top salesman. We recognize talent. He's 24 years old. We can lock him up for five years to the tune of $25,000. If he's going to a state school, we can put $25,000 on the table, which is going to be $5,000 a year to keep him. I'm locked up here for five years.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
If that degree is going to get you a bonus with your own company quick, that's fantastic. I would take it. I'm always a fan of free education. But if you're immediately in two years, you're 26, 27, you want to jump ship and go work for one of these bigger companies that you want to do and you're locked up for another two and a half years with your company. I'd pay the money out of pocket.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
That $550,000, how much of that would it take to pay your house off today?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
What are you waiting on? What are you doing, man?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
exactly pay it off dude you have 500 grand in cash in your save in your checking account yeah dude pay it off man today and then call us back in hour three and you can do your debt-free scream that'd be cool
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Yeah, that's right. That's right. They've locked you up. For the wrong reason. I'd pay the money on my own and just keep doing what you're doing. You've done an associate's degree, and if you want to get a bachelor's degree, keep going. Dave, I like it when companies do that, but, man, I always want to see what the return is.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Get an old frame and just put Dave's picture in it.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
He's just hollering about something there in Nashville.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
One day someone's going to bring their kid on the debt-free stage and be like, Uncle Dave! I think that's really him. We found him.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
I just think that would be amazing. Financial peace babies. We had thousands of Dave babies.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
America, I'm entrusting you guys to get this thing going. People have read it. Y'all have come after me for a long time. You can make it up for me right now. Dave babies.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Usually it's you graduate, you stay here for five years, and here's what your new raise will be or here's what your new job will be, not, hey, you're locked into this job for the next five years.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Hey, that's a number that most people don't know. I remember the first time my buddy who works in finance, I said, hey, calculate my net worth for me. And he said, all right. And so we pulled up my bank statements and what I owed. It was negative. Oh, it was red. And he still marks that as one of the top three hardest he's ever laughed in his life. I was like, it's negative.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
And he's like, yeah, dude, you have negative net worth. And I was like, it's going to take five years to get to zero. But it was a hilarious, but I had no idea. I just thought, oh, my net worth's probably about, I just had no idea. That tool would be great.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
All right, today's question comes from Amber in Maine. Amber writes, I'm a 39 year old divorced mother of three with an annual income of about $100,000. I worked hard to maintain the same lifestyle for my kids that they had before the divorce, so my budget is tight. He says,
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Maybe there still is some big, giant corporations that still have that as a filter.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
He also can't afford a 50-50 financial split, which has me questioning whether I'm being foolish by allowing him to move in, especially when he can't contribute equally. How should we handle finances and household responsibilities, or am I making a mistake by bringing him into my home under these circumstances? Oh, geez, Dave. Dang, man. Yes, Amber, you want to break up with him? Just call it.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Just call it. Yes, please, please, please, please don't let him move into your home. And not because he can't, quote-unquote, earn a 50-50 split, but because— Because the only thing you like about him is his looks. Right. No, I don't even think of that. She didn't even say he's really good-looking. She just says— I know, I just made that up. There had to be some redeeming value in this guy.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
I like him sitting next to me on the couch when we're both playing TikTok. I don't think you play TikTok, but— Anyway, listen, you don't settle and don't have him move in. You don't respect him. You don't love him in that way. You don't want to build a life with him. He's convenient right now and you are very, very much alone.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
I'd much rather see you get some friends and begin to tackle that part of your life and to stop. Stop guilt budgeting. And what I mean by that is when people get divorced, they often think I've got to keep everything the same because so that way it affects my kids not that much. Listen, your kids have been fully affected.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
I'd much rather them have that full effect and a mom that's not stressed every month when it comes to money and not considering letting this knucklehead move in, somebody that you don't respect, even love, move in and play house with. Yeah, don't do that. Let's reimagine the whole thing. But to answer your question, yes, please don't let this guy move in with you.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Or you almost always, in my case, I can think of a couple of hires that, man, golly, I wish I could have them back, and I overrode my team. Or I can guarantee you these three kids don't super love having this guy around because they can feel that mom doesn't even respect this guy. He's not respectable, and you're going to override the kids, right?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
So you always go against the people in your life when you do stuff like that.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
I bought a house within the last year with a credit score of zero. I'm assuming that's what it was. Or it said something like credit not, what is it? Credit not? Yeah, not available. Not available. I have no score. And they do a process called manual underwriting.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
And it's the way they did it up until just a few years ago where somebody actually looks at, like, dude, you can have $10 million in cash in your checking account and have bad credit. It has no bearing on how much wealth you have. It's just a marker. Basically, it's like a dating site that tracks how well you've dated in the past and gives you a dating score. It just does that except with debt.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Oh, man. That's it. And so it's a pain in the butt. You have to sit down and go through some extra worksheets and they want to know how much money do you actually have? Do you actually pay bills on time? Are you actually employed? Things that actually matter as to whether they're going to get their money back.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
and you're selling now and you're tired of sales and you want to get into a leadership role where you're not selling so much as you're leading salesmen, then you're going to want to learn how to do leadership. But even then, man, sitting in a classroom and just taking classes on leadership, that's not how you do it, man. You sit next to leaders.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Hey, listen, Nico. Opt out of the system, man. Just don't play. Just don't play.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Yeah. Sit with real leaders and do real leadership.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Well, the first thing is how long is the separation? Are you all just playing separated? A good separation should have a date and a time and a location. We're going to be apart for 30 days, and then we're going to go have lunch at this place. Have you all set that up?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Yeah, I mean, that's a long time. What are you hoping to accomplish for six months?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
I think you need to decide do y'all want to stay married? And if you want to stay married, sometimes if somebody's out of control or somebody's struggling with an addiction, like, Hey, I'm going to be out, I'm moving out for 30 days. And at the end of 30 days at this restaurant, at this time we're meeting, we're bringing a piece of paper and you got to have that,
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
six months just hopefully like well you know like kind of just we just want to like kind of think through that's it's just a recipe for this thing ending up in ash the second piece is your health stuff so all i have to say is i would dave correct me if i'm wrong i'd pause everything and i would stockpile cash um i don't know what you're trying to accomplish with the separation again i want you guys to be very intentional is your did your wife move out because it's not safe to be around you
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
Okay, does she have somebody else she wants to try dating for six months? No. Okay, then what is going to be accomplished?
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
And think of, I mean, for people listening, think about that kind of separation. I know it's easy to think, if I just had my own space, or if I just had this time, I'm just going to take six months to... Think about it like this. It's like you going and getting a gym membership. Like, are you going to lose weight? I don't know. I just don't know what I want.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
I'm just going to go walk around the gym, and I'll do a couple minutes on this thing, and then I'll get a smoothie, and then... You're going to walk out exactly the same person, except you're going to be minus your gym membership fees for six months. Be intentional.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
If you need to separate, have a very clear reason, a very clear timeline, and then a very clear set of action steps for what is going to be accomplished in this time we're apart, and then specifically how we're going to come back together and decide what we're doing next. But this, yeah, Dave, you're exactly right. This is a She's practicing being divorced.
The Ramsey Show
Slow and Steady Wins the Race Every Time
She's practicing what life is going to be like by herself on her own. Because she's had it. Yeah, how I can get my feet underneath me, and she just doesn't want to cut the ties just in case she needs a little more time. But that's exactly what this is. This isn't a, I want to see if I still want to be married. This is me practicing being divorced.
The Ramsey Show
Delayed Gratification Is a Key Ingredient to Building Wealth
What up, what up? It's Dr. John Deloney from the Dr. John Deloney Show with some amazing news. The latest episode of United States of Anxiety is available right now exclusively on the Ramsey Network app. This docuseries follows real people from my show as they embark on a 90-day journey to transform their lives, and I personally walk alongside them every step of the way.
The Ramsey Show
Delayed Gratification Is a Key Ingredient to Building Wealth
Okay, now, here's a sneak peek of what the new episode is all about. And don't forget to click the link in the show notes to download the app. What's up, Kelsey?
The Ramsey Show
Delayed Gratification Is a Key Ingredient to Building Wealth
What does crippling anxiety mean? Paint me a picture of that. All right, so you ready to jump in?
The Ramsey Show
Delayed Gratification Is a Key Ingredient to Building Wealth
So we're going to check in with Kelsey 30 days, 60 days, 90 days.
The Ramsey Show
Delayed Gratification Is a Key Ingredient to Building Wealth
She's experiencing things that really hurt a long time ago. Tell me about this boy.
The Ramsey Show
Delayed Gratification Is a Key Ingredient to Building Wealth
It just feels like it would be exhausting to be Kelsey.
The Ramsey Show
Delayed Gratification Is a Key Ingredient to Building Wealth
Whenever somebody's playing whack-a-mole with their anxiety, when it just keeps moving, that tells me the underlying system's not okay.
The Ramsey Show
Delayed Gratification Is a Key Ingredient to Building Wealth
One of two people that's supposed to never leave took off.
The Ramsey Show
Delayed Gratification Is a Key Ingredient to Building Wealth
Your burden, that's right. To the one person who should carry it, all of it. Did you ever tell that little girl that it wasn't her fault? I don't know what to do. You either have to choose to let this guy love you, or you gotta choose to let this guy go.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Do you have an actual job or is that with the, the, whoever you bought this $30,000 course for, by the way, which you probably could have taken for 850 bucks at a local community college. Are they the ones telling you that starting salary started 65 to 80 grand or do you have a job in hand?
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Bro town. Dude, you can't listen to what they're saying, man. They're just selling you a marketing message. You got to get on the horn and try to get jobs. Right. What they're doing is taking an aggregate of potential. Those who did get a job, which doesn't count any of the people who didn't get jobs with the certificate. This is an approximate of what some of those people have made.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
That's not what your salary is.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I got an opinion on lots of stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
The hottest take of 2025 thus far. I got two of them. One with that last call. And we can get into that if you want to.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I'm going to get myself canceled. But the second hot take of 2025, I love bearded James Childs.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
He has been a hat wearer and like super every day he shaves. And now he's like his band Kota Glow is crushing. And he's just like, I'm going to own the rugged.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Yeah, how do you like this world? Yes, yes. Yeah, so that's hot take number two. Hot take number one is... My guy, Nicholas. Yeah, the last caller. So this is an unpopular thought. That particular guy, his kid had an asthma attack.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Very, very scary situation. He's the only breadwinner. His wife stays at home with kids. Kid goes to ICU for three weeks.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
he doesn't go back to work. He stays in the hospital for three weeks with his wife and they've got two little kids and they racked up a jillion dollars in credit card debt, theoretically.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And then while he was there, it sounded like he decided to sign up for a $30,000 cybersecurity course, right? My hot take is being able to knock off three weeks of work with no income, no way to pay your bills, and it is in many ways, it's two different choices. One, I'm always gonna be with my kid no matter what, end of story, end of time. I get that, and my two kids are my entire world.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And also, you are making a choice to set your house up for the next however many years with electricity and angst and misery because you just start swiping that credit card on everything. And then you decide, well, I'm just going to get another job, so I'm going to trust the back of a brochure for some for-profit certificate program that I found online that's got fly-by-night nonsense.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
So my hot take is math doesn't care about your situation. And so this is one of those reasons why we preach so much. Don't owe anybody any money. Drive a crappy Corolla. Work two jobs to get out of debt. Not if, but when one of your kids gets sick, one of your relatives passes away.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I wrote about a book like the greatest blessing following the Ramsey plan has been for me and my wife besides just the peace in our house was two years ago when one of my favorite people on the planet, one of my cousins just suddenly died. I didn't have to look. I booked a hotel. I didn't have to sleep under an aunt's kitchen table, right? On a pallet of some sort.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And we got plane tickets and we went down and we got the privilege of just being sad. Math doesn't care. And so if you are the main breadwinner, somebody's got to keep working, right? And that's one of those awful, like Sophie's Choice kind of responsibilities, I think, especially falls on dads when you're the breadwinner.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
It comes those moments when, okay, mom's going to sit in the hospital and right when work's over, you're coming there, you're going to spend the night there, you're going to sleep there, you're going to get up at 530 in the morning, you're going to get up and you're going to go back to work because somebody's got to keep the lights on at the house for the other kids and for that family.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And so I know we live in a world where we are yanked around by how our kids feel and how we feel about our kids. I want this kind of special dog. All right, we'll get more dogs. I want to play these sports. We're going to play those sports. I got on the travel team. We're going to go over. And I think that letting our kids be the center of our universes, A, our kids can't carry that weight.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
They can't carry it. And B, our houses are falling apart around that worship of our kids. Somebody's got to keep the lights on.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
We automatically kind of want to say bills don't count. The world doesn't count.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Let me... You and me and Jade could talk for a long, long time and Jade's can walk you through the numbers part because there's a mathematical path out of this.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I remember being a dean of students and I got real sick. I remember throwing up blood. And I remember I don't even have enough room on a credit card to go to the ER. And I had to call my buddy Todd and say, I think I got to go to the emergency room. Can I borrow your credit card? And without even blinking, he said, I got you, Jimmy, to drive you. And I said, give me another hour.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And I ended up feeling a little bit better, a little bit better. But in that moment of being real sick, I remember never, never, And here's how I thought about it. I'll never put a friend in that position again.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
That a buddy's going to call him up.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
That I've taken so little care of my household that this is the situation I'm in. Because I can't control spending or I want to go out on the weekends or me and my wife deserve to go out to eat.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
But in the first two minutes we've talked, you've mentioned 2020. I've lost count.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Or I just showed up at the ER and we'll pay the bills later.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And as we look at the systems that we are all accustomed to, we're starting to see the cracks. They're not always just going to work out. That's right. They're not always just going to work out. And I'm convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that these big systemic cracks, it's not just going to work out. It's not going to get fixed at the system level.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
It's going to get fixed with people in their household say, as for me and my house, no more. I never want to call my mom again and say, can I borrow gas to go see my sister? Oh, man. I never want to call my buddy and say, can I borrow your credit card? I don't even have enough room on... A bank won't even loan me the money to go to the ER. Much less have it in my checking account, right?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And what that tells me is you're living in the past.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I have to be done with this.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And you've got one, if not both, feet still in 2020, 2021, even 2022. And some of that's hurt. Some of that is you probably got a lot of esteem out of making that kind of money and having that kind of false security in a bank account that somehow that translated into what you were worth. Not just financially, but emotionally, spiritually, relationally.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Man, sometimes in these surveys, people will be drinking the haterade, but it's all right.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
John Deloney, never talk again.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I assure you they've said that. I promise.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
There won't be a trend. There'll be a few. It's all right. Hey, I'm not for everybody. I get that.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Why was it so emotionally and psychologically draining?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
So are you feeling guilty about moving just because you've... Leaving the parents.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And so you won't get one step of healing moving forward until you decide to not mention your ex-wife again. She's gone, man.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And we did move, go ahead. No, you go ahead. You moved what?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Until you stop blaming her for your current tax liabilities.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Here's a couple of things. I did the same thing. I moved. My parents are in their mid-70s. And it was the right thing for me and my family. And it's the worst. It's worst on guilt. It's worst on... I now have on the back of a napkin... Would I see them twice a year? Maybe. Right? So I'm going to see them 20 more times before they pass away. That's the math. Right?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And so I had to make a choice to choose guilt over resentment. If I stayed in that small town where they live, I know I would dump all of my angst onto them and it's not fair because it's not theirs. It would have been mine. But when I left, I feel real guilty about it. I do. And it's hard to connect. And I've lost. We used to have walk in and out of each other's house. Like that's gone now.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Until you say, okay, I'm going to stand up in 2025. I'm clearly good at what I do. I've been successful in the past. I will be successful again in the future. And I've got a mess I've got to clean up.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Right. Now we have to make schedules a year out. We're going to try. It sucks. It's the worst. And so that's number one. Number two, I was not I did not anticipate moving halfway across the country that the person who would come with me was me. So all my insecurities, frustrations, childhood drum, all that crap came across the country with me.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
So whatever you think you're running from, we'll go with you to Oregon. And so Portland, Maine, or Portland to Maine, wherever, wherever you're going to go. Right. Yeah. It will go with you. And so knowing that if you've got demons to work through, dude, work through your demons, forget the geography. You got to work through your childhood crap.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And healing would be, can I drive through those old streets and remember that thing that happened and not have my body set off every alarm system it has as though I'm back to being nine years old again? That's healing. And also, I don't want to live there, so I'm not going to live there. That's really it. Right? You don't need some grand narrative as to say, I really want to live here.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
But you are going to have to deal with the guilt part. And that's just part of it.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I was always going to have this kind of car. Dude, I want an old pickup truck. I'm going to move on with my life.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
So the thing is, is I want you to not outsource this angst onto them, onto the geography. Instead, I want this to be a decision you are choosing to make. And that choice is going to come with some guilt, some awesomeness, some clarity, some frustration. It's going to come with all that stuff. So it's about taking ownership of what you do next. You've sold your house. You want to go.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
You're gone in your head. You're just your feet are stuck somewhere. Just go. And by the way, in the same way that you bought a house and sold it in two months, you can go up to the northeast and realize, oh, this is a terrible mistake. I need to be back with my parents and come right back. It just is what it is, man. You're free as a bird to do what you're going to do.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Just take ownership of the choices you're making in your life.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
You can feel however you want to feel. Feelings are cool. That doesn't make them true. Okay. And it won't have, it may have zero bearing on what actually happens, but yeah, feel however you want to feel.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Do you all have the money?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
There's eight brothers and sisters?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Well, I think it's a hundred percent. If I was a guessing man, a betting man, I would bet you've been quote unquote told what y'all are going to do for holidays, for meals, for shopping, for how many presents you've been, you're tired of being told, huh? Correct. Yes. And so it sounds like your feelings are your feelings. You can have them all day long.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
This is your husband's mom or your husband's dad. Got it. And if you got $3,000, you got it. And if there's a whole bunch of property, 17 years after it's all been filtered through all eight siblings and their spouses and their kids and ex-spouses and all that, you'll get your $3,000 back. Got it.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I mean, if you were telling me, hey, this is going to put us on the street, and my husband's putting all this on a credit card, he went out and took a HELOC out, then we're sitting down because I would have a conversation with him. Like, math doesn't care that your parents just passed away. You don't have that money.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Right? Y'all do. This is just about you are tired of getting pushed around by his family. Is that fair?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
You're not trying to give them everything they need. You're trying to give them everything so that you don't feel so bad.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Okay. This is outside of, and Jade, push back on me, outside of we simply don't have the money.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
You're at the edge. Okay, so here's the deal. It's happened a whole bunch. It's going to happen a whole bunch after this, but when the house is underwater, that's not the time to talk about, I told you you should have replaced the faucet. That's the time to get all the water out of the house. Start bailing the water out.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Once the water's bailed out, then we're going to go to breakfast and we're going to talk about, hey, in the future, every time I feel like that your brothers and sisters and their spouses have more influence on our home than I do. And I didn't say I do to all of them. I said I do to you. This is our home. Can we come up with some boundaries for what is going to be, what is going to be?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
If that means coming up with a fund that he puts money into every month, like a sinking fund that is just take care of his boundary-less family members because he doesn't have any spine, cool, come up with that fund.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
But with one of his parents in a casket right now, that's just a weird time to throw the gauntlet down for $3,000 money y'all have.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Because what they really want is their old man.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Yeah. Exactly. Here's the bad guy here. The bad guy here is nobody. Just, it stinks that we lost a parent.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Right? And so I would hold his hand through grief and say, I'm sorry for causing a ruckus. Let's put our 3,000 bucks in. And then when this whole thing is over, when he's, y'all write your, y'all are doing your grief, y'all are talking about what now, how are you? Then you come up with the boundaries conversation. Hey, this has happened to our entire marriage and I want to draw a line here.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And going out this weekend in Boston and throwing snow at each other and digging a hole and playing in the mud costs zero dollars and they'll tell that story at your funeral.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Okay. I'm sorry about your loss. And by the way, your feelings, anybody listening, your feelings are your feelings. You can have them. You're allowed to. That doesn't change reality, though.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I remember one of my professors told me, no one has ever had an aha moment after 10 o'clock at night. Go to bed.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Go to bed. That old, like, don't go to bed on your anger. Sometimes go to bed. Y'all are together. You're united. You'll figure it out. Go to bed and figure it out after everybody's eaten and somebody's had some coffee and the sun is back out.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Yes. Even last night, my wife said, and it's because she's awesome, I want to talk about calendar and then budget and then there's more budget. And we got all the way into, all right, but if I move over this for my son's freshman year of college, he's a freshman in high school, by the way, And she said, she literally goes, you have seven minutes because it's getting up on nine o'clock.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And she's like, yeah, seven minutes. And then I turned back into a pumpkin. And it was like, we don't have any productive conversations after seven.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
So again, don't blame them for your debt problems.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And I get all nihilistic. And then what happens when the dollar collapses? And she's like, dude, I just want to go to bed.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
It sucks. It is what it is. You got taken to the cleaners in court. You did. And now it's 2025. Yeah. So my question to you is like direct. And this is just me just talking to a man that I love. Okay. Is 2025 going to be the year that you say enough? I'm going to look in the mirror and I'm going to take ownership of this stuff and get it knocked out.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
When you have hard conversations, don't have them at dinner. Have them at breakfast. Because the sun is out, you've got some sleep, and you've got some coffee.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Don't do it standing in the kitchen. Sit down at the table. But yeah, environment plays a big role in this. But yeah, when somebody's parent has passed away, if there's trauma there, it's going to hurt. If they were super tight, it's just going to hurt. And that's not the time to be like, well, I told you... Let's get through that funeral. And if you got the money, you got the money.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
You got the money, right? So thanks for that call. Janie, your willingness to be open about your feelings is going to help a lot of people. Because I think a lot of people right now, Jade, don't feel like they have permission to feel.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Doesn't change reality, though.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And we have to operate in reality.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Is this the year? Because if not, then we can take another call.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Yeah, way too much. Way too much.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Brother John, that's crazy talk. Don't spend $30,000 on a vacation.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I thought David said one month.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
That seems wildcast to me.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I'm cheap, John. America, I'm cheap.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
If I look at Jade's hand wrong, it blinds me, John. It blinds me.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
She's definitely not bougie. Again, I haven't shopped for a diamond in over two decades, so I have no reference point, but you got $30,000 in the bank. I think $3,000, $4,000 sounds about right.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I'm 21. That's impressive. Where'd you get that money, dude?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Excellent, man. Well, that's pretty remarkable for a 21-year-old, man. There's millions and millions of adults that don't have that kind of money, so good on you. Hey, I got a proposition for you. You want to get on hold right now and call her and ask her to marry you on the air right now? Come on, man. She's totally not with me right now. Ask her on the phone.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
She don't want it on the internet. I know, dude. I'm playing. I was just testing you.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
You passed the test. Good on you.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I don't even know what that means.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
That's where you're wrong. My relationship's perfect. Let's go out to Akron, Ohio, and talk to Zach. What's up, Zach?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
What's up, Zach? It's not even spelled that way.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Get on it, brother. Congratulations, dude. You are on the path to freedom, my man.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Hold on. We got to do this.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
If you're ready to get your finances in order once and for all in 2025. Join Jade and my main man Dave Ramsey on January 23rd for the free live stream Take Control of Your Money. Jade and Dave are going to be hosting this. You're going to learn how to stop living paycheck to paycheck and free up more breathing room so you can pay off debt fast and finally get ahead with your money.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And Rachel Cruz and George Campbell are going to show up for a live Q&A where you can ask your money questions live. And you can be entered to win $4,000. Yeah. And I like taking Dave's money. I love it. It's one of my favorite things.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
You sign up for the free live stream by going to ramseysolutions.com slash live stream, or you can click the link in the description if you're listening on podcast or YouTube. J Money, what are y'all going to be talking about?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
One of the most common things, like when I meet with people who are behind closed doors, fly in, will sit down for a while, they have net worths that I can't even fathom. One of the most common questions that they talk about, they ask me is... With some bit of shame in the conversation, dude, tell me about this budget thing. Like, what do you mean?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
They run big companies and this idea of, I don't even know how that works. It's a humbling, scary question to ask. And so if you have wondered, I don't know how to do a budget or you think I know how to do it, but you've never have done it. And it's just like, dude, I'm embarrassed to ask anybody. This is the event for you. It's free. It's free.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
You can be at your house and just put it on the screen and watch it. and get control of everything. I'm hyped for it, man.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And you got to use it twice a day.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
All right, today's question comes from Hannah in Nebraska. Hannah writes, I'm a stay at home mom with two kids under the age of four. My husband is a high school teacher making $56,000 a year and he works 10 to 15 hours a day. During the summer, he works a job where he only earns $1,000 a month. I understand he wants to make a difference in these young people's lives.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
However, we can't make ends meet. I make all our meals from scratch to save money, but it isn't enough. We have $45,000 in consumer debt and we owe $80,000 on a HELOC. We drive junker cars that are paid off. My husband is very good at his job but earns so little and has crappy benefits. They only cover his medical insurance so the kids and I are on a separate health plan.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
If I got a job, my whole salary would go to daycare. I'm grateful for all the blessings God has given us but today I felt something break inside and I don't know how to move forward. What do I do with the feelings of resentment that I have?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Well, it sounds like they have two mortgages on it.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Here's my hot take. Um, Teachers are number three on the millionaires in the United States, according to the Ramsey study that they did. And when I dug into that, Dave and I have gone back and forth and he talks a lot about teachers are they're experts at making a plan and following it for an entire year. That's what they do. They make lesson plans.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Having grown up, I mean, having been married to a, the person I married was an elementary school teacher. That's what she was doing. I also got a ringside seat. She understood the world she entered, right? So she entered what I call a Corolla world. That's what she expected to drive forever because she knew I want to do this thing.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And so I'm going to build a life that requires, that can be, that I can live on, on this salary. It's what I signed up for. I don't believe you have a right to quote unquote work your passion or quote unquote make a difference when you've made previous choices that put your family $125,000 in the hole. So I want there to be amazing teachers. We need amazing teachers.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And this husband has this guy who works as a teacher making 56 grand made choices that And I'm blaming him. His wife may be fully on board with these. Y'all made choices that said you can't work your passion right now because we owe everybody. And so when you get this 120 grand paid off, Then you start having the passion conversation.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I had this conversation with people who want to go be pastors and they have a hundred grand coming out of seminary debt, student loan debt. You can't, you can't afford to quote unquote work at your mission church because before you chose your quote unquote mission, you told a bank, Hey, if you guys will pay for me to go to school, I'll pay y'all back when I get out.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And you can't afford to on this quote unquote mission salary. Social workers in my world are new therapists. If you go to some fancy school and take out 200 grand of loans, you can't go be a therapist working with the least of these in our communities, which we desperately need because you've taken so much money out beforehand. And so that's number one.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Number two, Hannah has, I think she has either ordered it. And so meaning I either work full time and my salary doesn't do anything or I have to stay at home and not make any money.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I've got some friends, one of my closest friends in the world. He is a school teacher and he's also a writer, an amazing family. And his wife stays at home with kids and she keeps three or four or five or six or seven other kids. And they are both exhausted when they go to bed at night, but they make it work.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
That's right. It's unfair to dump all this on him.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Where it's frustrating is you and I both, I don't want to make it about us, but we've both been to the grind it out.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
It's a real frustrating, frustrating, rage inducing place, but it's the, it's the jet fuel that gets you to that next line. Right.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And, I can't think of a conversation other than telling somebody that a loved one has passed away that I would want to have more than sitting down with this husband and father who's a great teacher and saying, the world needs you, but you made choices together with your wife before today. And so as Paul Thomas Anderson once said, you may be through the past, the past ain't through with you.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And so you're going to have to either stop working 15 hours a day. You're going to have to move into administration like tomorrow and double your salary. Or you're going to have to work three jobs in the summer until you get this stuff paid off.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I still remember 10 years ago, 23 years old, I was frustrated, anxious, and flat broke. I had followed all the ways that toxic money culture had led me down from well-meaning parents and misguided guidance counselors, and it left me with a pile of debt. But I'm telling you, it doesn't have to stay that way. Over a decade, I went from broke to millionaire.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
and I break it all down in my new book, Breaking Free from Broke. I'm going to show you just how toxic this money system is and how you can break free from credit scores and credit cards and student loans and auto loans and investing traps and finally live a life that you're not exhausted by, a life with more margin, more options, and more peace.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
If you want to check out the book, go to ramsaysolutions.com to get your copy of Breaking Free from Broke. That's ramsaysolutions.com.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And that's when James Childs gets off the rails in The Ramsey Network app. It's worth checking out.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I'm so sorry. What was his name?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Long time coming or was it pretty sudden?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Yeah. I'm so sorry. Are you still... Are you still waking up every day unable to catch your breath? Or has the sun come back out? Like, where are you right now?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Do you have some friends that can come hang out with you?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
That's fantastic. So two things before we even got to your question yet, but if you don't want to get out of bed, you're not broken. Totally normal. Okay. Thank you. And if you're laying in bed and every one like thing I should have said should have done. I wonder if every worry you have 30 years from all that totally normal. You're not broken. Okay.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
You're not crazy. And if you want to do one brave and courageous thing that will pay astronomical dividends five years from now, text a couple of your girlfriends and commit to one morning a week getting up at 7 o'clock and going to have coffee.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Okay. Just something that you need to look forward to and plan forward. And that's not an everyday thing. Every day is too much right now, but putting one of those on the calendar, two of those on the calendar will A, give your friends something to do so they're not just sitting there on your front porch like vultures, like, what do we do? What do we do?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
But also, even though you're going to go to bed at night, the night before, be so annoyed that this is on the calendar. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. Okay. But if you get up and go five years from now, it will pay off in a pretty remarkable way, okay? I'm so sorry for your loss. So how can we help you today?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
That's the nicest way I've ever heard that said on this show.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Well, the last few years have been brutal.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Also, can I go back to something you said? If you can't afford to do two services, you don't do two services. Okay. And I know you think you have to and people are expected. They don't get a vote right now because you are in an existential moment. Okay. Okay.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
So, okay, good, good, good, good. Okay. Um, so how are you paying your, your bills right now? How are you keeping your four walls up?
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And you're pretty consistent throughout the last few years.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Can you afford to live there? Yeah.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Let's look at this as a whole. $5 million is still a ton of money, right? Even if it's a great deal.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
And few things in the world that I love more than taking Dave Ramsey's money.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
Like, man, if I can get 4,000 bucks.
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Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I'm gonna get 4,000 bucks.
The Ramsey Show
Be Prepared: Math Doesn’t Care About Your Life Situations
I was going to say, there's no way you got up for 12 grand for a month in ICU.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. They don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
You Need To “Happen” to Your Life Instead if It Happening to You
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Ramsey Show
You Need To “Happen” to Your Life Instead if It Happening to You
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
The Ramsey Show
You Need To “Happen” to Your Life Instead if It Happening to You
It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever you want to call yourself, we all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
The Ramsey Show
You Need To “Happen” to Your Life Instead if It Happening to You
Therapy can be a great source of help and support for any area of your life. And if you're thinking about starting therapy, try BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy so it can fit with your schedule. To get started, just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost.
The Ramsey Show
You Need To “Happen” to Your Life Instead if It Happening to You
This month, start to build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
You Need To “Happen” to Your Life Instead if It Happening to You
You've got to get a job.
The Ramsey Show
You Need To “Happen” to Your Life Instead if It Happening to You
Hey, you guys, health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved through the bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system is working against you, try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance. Christian Healthcare Ministries.
The Ramsey Show
You Need To “Happen” to Your Life Instead if It Happening to You
CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry that's helped hundreds of thousands of families like yours take care of over $11 billion in medical bills since 1981. And CHM has also helped them stay true to their values and avoid miles of red tape. And CHM support goes far beyond meeting financial needs. They'll also help meet spiritual needs.
The Ramsey Show
You Need To “Happen” to Your Life Instead if It Happening to You
Members become part of a family who will pray with them and for them when they experience a medical event. So listen, y'all, there's no better way to take care of healthcare costs. CHM programs start as low as $98 a month. So learn more today and join at chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Yeah, but here's the thing. It is strange, and it is weird. It's insane that I just said that, that it is strange and weird to live on less than you make.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
But here's the thing. Your friends should love you in spite of and because of your weird and strange things. That's what makes you all y'all, right? None of my friends. I can't think of any of my older friends that live the Ramsey principles. I get in open. They mock me. We'll laugh at each other. We'll poke and prod. I got one guy that has never owed anybody money ever.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And he's like, yeah, I didn't need a program to tell me like, like, right. So that's my friendships, but they love me in spite of it. Same with my weird music choices. Same. The fact that I like to sneak away and go to punk rock shows at 10 o'clock at night. Like they love me in spite of, and because of my idiosyncrasies. And so this is deeper than the baby steps.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
This is like George said, people who are choosing to see the way you guys live your life as some sort of indictment on the way they're doing it. And that just is them, unfortunately, opting out of relationship with you. And that's a bum deal, man. But by the way, this would be happening if you did or did not do too much travel sports. Or if you did or did not do too much Cub Scouting.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Like, this is just that season for y'all. The comparison game is real in adulthood.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Yeah, that's heartbreaking. What a mess. What's the nature of your disability?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Do you, um, was the stress of finding all of this stuff out and realizing that the man you'd been married to for 15 years wasn't who he said he was. I mean, that's just so disorienting, but almost more disorienting than finding out somebody's not who they said they were is you lose trust in yourself, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
That's right. Right. So it makes you, not only do you have this person that he didn't stab you in the back, he stabbed you in the face, right? He stabbed you in the front, but then also it's hard to even look at yourself in the mirror. Did that exacerbate your, what would ultimately be some sort of chronic fatigue? I mean, that make it worse over the past year?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
So, here's why I ask that. Because, um... There's not an easy path forward. But my hope would be that when the acuteness of the stress, when the pain from this burn that you feel is lessened, will your body go back to a place where you can work? And what you said was a really great job that provided for you guys. Because here's the thing. It doesn't sound like anybody's coming to rescue you.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Now you have to have it. And that's a different problem.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Okay. And you may need to bite the bullet and get an SSI attorney that will walk that with you. They can be worth their weight in gold. They can help you navigate that process. And there may be some local resources. Do you have any family help with mom, dad, sister, brother, cousins?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Yeah, there's no such thing as that. What's your mortgage right now?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Much less food, clothes, everything. Yeah. Is there a possibility that you sit down with your parents and say, we need to sell the house and I need to move in with you guys? Here's the thing. You don't have any options. I know, but you don't, or they, they sell the condo and move in with you. You, you have to get drastic because I don't feel like you're grasping the gravity of the situation.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
You got four kids. You don't have enough money. Three kids.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Yeah. It's going to be getting radical. I mean, it's going to be doing things that are uncomfortable. You're picking from a series of uncomfortable choices.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
So if you had to ballpark the last seven years, what you've made minus your profit times 35%. Yeah. I mean, what's 35% of that profit number, do you think? Are you talking $100,000? Are you talking $500,000?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Yeah. Or do we have to move? Do we have to move to Kansas where it's cheaper to live? And I can work remote there. I think your doctor's right. I mean, I would agree with him 100%. You got to take care of you. But that works in a context when you have somebody that can help with the bills and with food and with the light bill. You don't have that right now. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And so it's a matter of calling a sister and saying, hey, would you move in with us for a year? Or I need to sell this house because we're broke. Could I move my three kids in there? And I know that's awful and awkward and whatever. I'm going to get back on my feet. Or mom and dad, I know this wasn't in your retirement plan, but would you be interested in moving in with us?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And we'll put one of the kids in a room. I'll give you all the master and I'll move into one of the other bedrooms, but we're going to figure something out. I think you're at that level of I've got to solve these problems here. And I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate that you're in this situation.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
But here's the other thing. If you don't remember anything else from this phone call, remember that George and I believe in you. Because we've taken call after call from people who are like, all right, we got to figure this out. And then somehow, some way they do, they do, they scratch and they claw and they do.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And I think you've got strength and power inside of you that has been squashed and stomped on. And you, and again, You don't know this, but we do from the outside. You've lived with somebody for 15 years that has been a liar, has been dishonest. And there's an electricity that's been in your home of deception, dishonesty, and a lack of integrity for a decade and a half.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And I know this sounds bonkers, but my guess is you're going to, even though you have this loss and you have this heartbreak, you're going to have peace in your home that you haven't had in ages. I agree. And I think your body's going to respond to that. That's my hope. Keep listening to your doctor.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
It takes the next right steps, but it sounds like you're at a place where you've got to get radical.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You've probably heard people talk about different kinds of flags in friendships and romantic relationships. Red flags, green flags, beige flags.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Listen, it can be helpful to look for patterns or unsafe behaviors in potential relationships, but all those labels can distract from what's really important, your values, and whether you and your potential partner are willing to wake up every day and choose to honor each other's values. And look, I know it can be tough sometimes to even know what's important to you in a relationship.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Therapy can help you figure out what your values actually are and decide your boundaries and your non-negotiables. And if you're thinking about starting therapy, try BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy that works with your schedule. To get started, just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
If it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. So whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or working on yourself, do it with help from BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Why not to her farm? It's amazing. It's amazing.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Well, I think it's a, here's what I think it is. I think it's cool to the people who wonder, is this for real? Like it's cool to give somebody seven minutes of whatever, of our opinion on something. And it's cool that we're always up here saying you should use every dollar and you should go through financial peace. But if you're a critically thinking person, you have to ask, is this for real?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
What's your call to conscience? Is it just like new year, new you, like 2025, we've got to get this thing right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Does it actually work? And so it's kind of like a bluff call, right? Like money where your mouth is. We're going to follow this person for 90 days and see what happens. But they got to do it every day and they do journal, like video journals and they walk through the set. It's amazing. It's so good.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
No, I'm just playing. No, I mean you should still marry him, but I was just being a smart aleck.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
secure you know the rest of my future with my family and I gotta everything I have to do everything right now so George is going to walk you through it but I want to tell you two things number one we could sit here and beat you up for being dumb over the last seven years you got a family I'm not going to do that I'm going to tell you I'm proud of you for today being the day we're going to come clean we're going to get this thing right okay
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Well, hey, welcome to our gang, and we will ship you an honorary gallon of the Ramsey Kool-Aid. We won't, but that would be cool if we did that. All right.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
You're doing something that I think is dangerous. Do you have a separate business account that all of your business money goes into?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Okay. And so that money just stays in there, and that's what you buy, facial stuff with tools?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
It's your personal. How does money get from one to another? Do you just go to the business account whenever you need to get some groceries or something?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
So that would mean you're making $60,000 a year? Uh-huh. And then California is taking 90%. I'm just kidding. But they're taking a big chunk of it. And then Washington takes a chunk of it. So if you don't know what you're actually making and you either A, live out of this account, which a lot of small businesses do and it's dangerous.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
If you don't know what you're making, then you don't know if you're running a hobby.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
or an actual successful business and so coming up with some number some kind of draw that you're going to pay yourself and then as george is going to walk you through like and then it sets the stage for can i afford this car can i afford this apartment or this house because you know how much money your business is making and then you know how much money your business is
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Yes, I appreciate that. Second thing is you have put an extra 10 years of life miles on your heart and on your brain. Yeah. And let this be the moment that if you have a hard conversation with your wife, with your kids, with your kids' schools, with an employee, that we're going to handle that stuff as they come up day of so that we don't add any extra miles to our soul, right? Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
So George is right, watching those things, those videos together. And I think not talking about, hey, it's a really big deal. I get out of debt. I think the conversation for him is, hey, as we build our marriage, I want us to be free. Yeah. And I want our new marriage to have peace. And I want you to be able to do your art. And I want me to be able to take care of my people.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And if artists and artisans owe money, they can never fully go to the full ends of the expression of their art because they always have to pay somebody. right? And so it's really talking to a musician about freedom.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
They go away so fast when you're newlyweds. I just trust two people who have been married. They go away so fast.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
But the cost, the high cost of living in San Diego doesn't... give you a pass on the rules of math. Math doesn't care how you feel. Math just is.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Good on you. All right. Hey, this is going to suck. All right. This is not going to be fun. But we're going to get on it and we're going to do it right.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
While also taking out a mortgage with two young kids that is 50%, right when Sam Altman keeps tweeting out that he's changing everything in Silicon Valley by the minute. Why would you do that to yourself? I see. Here's what I want you guys to consider, probably something most families in America have never considered.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
I want you and your wife to imagine over the dinner table, what if we solved for peace? Not for maximum comfort, not for best ROI, and not for we got a good interest rate so we can keep. What would peace look like in our house for the next five years where we have two toddlers, two kids under two? What would our life look like if we solved for peace?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And by the way, that would mean you guys buying a $2 million house. Wah, wah. Right? Like, it's not like, oh, man. You get what I'm saying? Like, if you'll solve for peace. That way, if she says after kid one, I don't want to go back to work. Or you have this conscious awakening, like, I want to be a stay-at-home dad. Like, whatever. Y'all can. You can do whatever you want.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
If you owe 50% of your money, I promise you, you will regret that decision. I promise you. I promise you. I promise you.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Or if suddenly podcasting ended tomorrow, George and I, it wouldn't be destitution. It'd be like, oh, this sucks. We've got to figure out something else to do. George would start mowing lawns or something. He wouldn't. He absolutely would not mow lawns. Do you get what we're saying? I know it's super controversial to solve for peace and to live on less than you make, but
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Okay. Can I, Ted, can I give you one more piece of advice? It's kind of, it's dark, tinged advice. Is that okay? Yeah, please. I would not make any big major purchases, moves, job decisions or anything until your second child is born and healthy and you'll know the road ahead. Too many people that I've talked to over the years make major decisions when pregnant and life just happens, man.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Pregnancies are tough. There's so much that can be different than we thought it was going to be. Let this thing play out. Baby be born healthy. You and mom are rocking and rolling and then start making new decisions and let that cash just pile itself up. Thanks for the call, man. This is The Ramsey Show.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
We don't know yet. I think you'll end up there unless you can come up with a big chunk of money, but that's a problem for future you. Let's just do the next right thing right in front of us, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
When he gets out of training, what is his salary going to go to?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
okay i i did that for six months um transitioning jobs when my wife stayed she was finishing up her research and so we've done that and now it's before facetime yeah yeah we just had to drive and see each other so it wasn't great and but we made it made it work and so that's not i don't think that's super undoable if y'all plan it and don't going in and you'll have some pretty intentional things about keeping your marriage squared up i think the george the the variable here to me sounds like
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
I would wait at least a year, probably two, maybe three, before I would quit my ER nurse job because it sounds like that's a significant chunk of your income. I would wait until the smoke cleared, and that probably means you're getting a job in this new town too.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And I know that's not what you want to hear, but, man, that's cutting $100,000 out of our annual budget to move to a more expensive place. That sounds scary.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
That's what I would do if I was in your shoes with my wife. And here's an important thing. When people are trying to make decisions like you are, you've got a bunch of – you've got a cool opportunity that George and I both agree it's right on. You want to be by family. It's a temporary pay cut. It's the job your husband really wants and the department he really, really wants.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Everything's good, right? But it's just going to be some steps to get there. I think where a lot of us get paralyzed is we don't want there to be any pain, any sort of hard decision, any sort of uncomfortable consequence as we make this transition. So if you just go in knowing that's impossible, there's going to be one, two or three things that we have to do for a season that we don't like.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Then it's a matter of saying, okay, it was just choosing your heart. Which crummy thing do we want? Do we want to just put our kids in childcare or hire a nanny for six months? It's expensive. It's annoying, but it is going to be what it is to get us where we want to be five years from now or three years from now. Um, or do we want to, um, you get a remote, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
So it's just knowing upfront, there's going to be some crumminess to this. You're gonna have to move in with your mom. Ha ha ha. And then we're going to go from there and putting those things on the table for some reason makes them easier to stomach. It's when we're trying to do it all without being uncomfortable at all that we end up paralyzing ourselves. You know what I'm saying? Yes.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Excellent. That's stuff you can do down the road. So very, very cool.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And there's two things that paralyze us. One is we don't want to have any discomfort. If you just get that out of the way, there's going to be some stuff that we have to do that we don't like. The second big one is very few things other than having kids, and I would suggest getting married, that you can't undo. So if you move down there, this is a disaster. It stinks. She's an ER nurse.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
She'll have a job tomorrow, right? Anywhere. He can go get another job as an EMT, right? So we're going to do the next right thing in front of us, not over-dramatize. What's going to happen in 10 years? Nobody knows. Nobody knows. We're going to do the next right thing. Beautifully said.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Can I tell you what's going to free you? Yeah. It's going to sound nuts. After you call this – I want you to get online, like George said, and get with the Ramsey Tax Pro. I don't want you to sit down and say, I've made a huge mess. I don't know where to start. I need some help. And they will give you a step-by-step guide, okay? Okay. That's number one. There's a chance that with –
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
So I thought if you told your kids, no, they just, they spontaneously combust. Ours are still here.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
How does this... It's easy to get complacent in your marriage when you're making great money, you're an amazing, you're a great team, right? Somebody's staying at home, somebody's out there making money, you got four amazing, beautiful, wonderful daughters, things are cooking along.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
This is, in my experience, when couples wake up and their second kid's going to college and they look at each other like, I don't know you. And so there's something about this moment that y'all picked this moment specifically to re-engage a hard goal together What has this meant for your marriage? Doing a hard thing midstream, right? Just to be like, hey, you want to do something crazy?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Let's pay the house off. Tell me about the impact this has had on your marriage.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And there's nothing cooler than when you guys as Yoda, you bring in Luke Skywalker, and then they're like, we're going to go ahead and pay our house off, and you're like, oh, crap. We're just getting passed. We've got to get on it too, man. Yes. It's amazing.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Your business not being so great most of the time and your expenses and buying tools and wood and whatever else you're doing, it may not be as bad as us just sitting here thinking it is, right? Right, yeah. But there's an existential part of this, and I want you to sit down with your wife and your daughter at your kitchen table. I don't want you looking both in the eye and say, I messed up.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Good. Eat well in Franklin. It's awesome. What would you tell a couple right now that's just coasting? Their marriage is good. They're making fine money. What would you tell them?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
We always tell people, hey, if you hate it. Pay it off and try it, and then go take a HELOC out, and you can have that. Has there been a second you've regretted it? Not one.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
I've never one time heard somebody say, I shouldn't have paid that house off. I've never heard that one time. Right. Amazing. Y'all are absolutely amazing. You want to get the girls up here? Are they going to be part of this with you?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And we sat down with our kids and said, here's what we're going to do. Are y'all into? We think y'all can handle it. And their kids said, we're in. It's amazing. No secrets. Everything is different for that family now.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
I know, but I want your daughter to participate and see what it looks like when a man tells the truth. Right. And when a man says the words, their dad says the words, I'm sorry, and here's what I'm doing now. Because your daughter's going to be a part, your wife's going to be a part of the sacrifice moving forward, like George said, right? You're not going to have way less disposable income.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Daughter may not have the car that she was hoping to get. She may not be able to go to college she was hoping to go to. Right? Maybe. Yeah, that's where I'm at. Maybe not. But you're going to be free because you're going to have put everything out on the table for her. And she needs to know dad has a plan. Dad's calling a professional.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Well, it may be worth, I don't know if there's an appeal process or if your doctor can write a letter back and say, no, I've been following my patient forever. He's good to go. Because my guess is a lot of those underwriters just look at an actuary table and say, boom, boom, boom, here you go.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Yeah. And there's nothing, I've found, I'll say a few things, maybe nothing, but a few things in my life makes my wife have more peace when we sit down and go over, hey, if I were to die today, here's what happens. We have this much money in life insurance, we have this here, and there's just a peace in the house. See, I'm paying that 120 all day, every day.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Question comes from Hunter in North Carolina. My wife and I have a bi-weekly budget meeting. During this time, we talk about finances, goals, and direction, and we usually leave this conversation unified and excited. One of the agreements we have as a couple is if there are any surprises that come up that we didn't budget for, we need to communicate with each other before making a purchase.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Dad called a couple of knuckleheads on a YouTube show, on a podcast. And so that was huge. But dad's got a plan and we're moving forward. And in this house from this day forward, we're people of integrity.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Two to three times a week, I find out by looking at our bank account that my wife has made an unbudgeted purchase without communicating with me. Over time, this has eroded trust and has hurt our relationship. And when I try to have a conversation about how this makes me feel, she tells me to stop talking and to leave her alone. I don't know what to do.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
So I'd say number one, you need to own reality. And that means you guys aren't unified. Unified is not a feeling. It's an action. It's a way of being. You can feel excited and like, oh, rah, rah, after conversation. But unity is people working together towards a common goal, right? Y'all are not unified. And this, George, is not about spending. This is about...
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
um saying hey we made an agreement and then someone acting like a child a wah-wah baby child don't talk to me and running away i'm taking my balls and i'm going home right um that's what needs to be discussed here because i promise you this is not only happening about budget purchases She treats him this way on everything. Or he's a nag and he's always nagging about things.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Either way, you only need to get beneath this thing. And here's a quick tip. When you sit down, don't say, you keep running away. Always use the word I. I don't feel like I'm doing a good job communicating how scared I am that we come up with these agreements and then we walk away and everything we agreed on isn't upheld.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And I don't know what, I don't know how to communicate with you when I try to talk to you about it. For some reason, I set you off, you're out. I don't know what to do about that, but I'm struggling here. And usually an eye conversation, beginning of an eye conversation is an invitation. It's not a fight. Versus a shutdown attack. You did this.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
When you start with you, then just my finger automatically points at you, right? And it's a declaration of war. I have to fight you now, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
But you have to have the conversation deep in the budget on this one because this is about a – either a husband who thinks he's being clearer than he is, or a wife that will do his stupid little budget meetings, and then she goes on about her life and could give two craps what they've agreed on.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And if you're nagging over $5 that she spends, increase her personal fund money and just call it what it is and move on with your life. If it's something big... At the end of the day, y'all need to have this conversation anyway. Absolutely.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
That's right. It's 2025. Listen, conflict deferred is conflict amplified. Whatever hard conversations or tough decisions you need to make right now will be worse the longer you wait. Make 2025 the year you just head straight into these things and get them over with.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
She's about to go through divorce, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Very few people are sitting on one variable that could change everything.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. And they don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Yeah, it can be a devastating problem to have. The two words coming to my mind are the title of Mel Robbins' new book. And my thought is, let them. Just let them. If people don't want to be your friend anymore because you're successful, then I would suggest they may not have been your friend in the first place.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
The depth of the relationship that you assumed was there or that you had invested on your side was not there to begin with. Because over the last few years, obviously working for Dave, he takes care of us really well. My life's changed. And for my deepest, closest relationships that I've had for years, It's just made them deeper.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Okay. So this is... I'm wondering if two things are happening and you're looking at one side of the equation. The other side of the equation is it's very, very normal. You guys are like me and my wife. Y'all are late parents with... Y'all are older parents with young kids.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And you find yourself at elementary school functions with a bunch of 20-year-old parents, maybe 30-year-old parents, and y'all are just in different life stages. Yeah. And those same friends, you realize, oh, you're one of those weird little league parents, or you're like a Cub Scout dad. And you might be like, we go fishing, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
There's a natural separation that happens when your kids are this age. And that happens whether you have money or not. It's just normal. It just happens. And so I think the bigger challenge for you guys is to not dump this all on the fact that you all pay for stuff with cash and more recognize it as just a life stage, just a developmental transitional stage.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Have you made money? Have you done well over the last few years?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And kind of like when my grandparents on both sides, they were told like, hey, smoking is like a good way to help you relieve stress. And then they were like, oh yeah, and it kills you. They all had to quit smoking. I think similarly, you guys have to decide we have to do something different to stay healthy.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
And that means we have to be obnoxiously intentional about having friends, making new friends and going from there. I mean, I don't know another objective way around this problem because you can't be lonely because I just know the data on loneliness is it's just a decision to die early and miserably, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Hey, let me qualify what I said. I remember the first time that happened. The second time I went out with some friends, they've been my friends for 30 years. And I picked up the tab and one of my friends turned and looked at me and said, you will never do that again. I'm your friend before this and I'll be your friend after this. And he's somebody who speaks wisdom in a mile.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
He's a goofball, but he's awesome. But that was a good, like, Hey, we don't love you for this. Right. And so, yeah, if your friends, if they're not your friends, then right there, you're their coupon book. So here's the two things I found go first and be weird. And what I mean by that is don't wait for somebody to invite y'all because it's not going to happen. Y'all do the inviting.
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
Have somebody over to your house and be weird, meaning just go ask them. Hey, I'm going for a run. You want to come with me? I'm going to work out. You want to come with me? I got to build something in my backyard. You want to help me build it? And you're going to get no, no, no, no. Sure, I'll come. And then there you go. But I don't know another way around it. George, how do you make friends?
The Ramsey Show
Your Life Is More Than Just a Set of Numbers
George has an app for that, I guess, somewhere.
The Ramsey Show
If You Live Fake Rich, You Will Become Real Broke!
I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. They don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
If You Live Fake Rich, You Will Become Real Broke!
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, everyone. Listen, we all have stories, the family and cultural stories that we were born into, the stories of the things that have happened to us, both the good stuff and the challenging stuff. And we have those stories that we constantly tell ourselves.
The Ramsey Show
If You Live Fake Rich, You Will Become Real Broke!
And none of us can go back and change any of our old stories, but the world is waiting to see what each of us is going to write next. As we enter 2025, I encourage you to examine your old stories and be intentional about the new stories that you're going to write. And I'm not talking about making goals that are going to be long gone by February.
The Ramsey Show
If You Live Fake Rich, You Will Become Real Broke!
I'm talking about writing new stories that will change your life and the lives of those you love for the better forever. And if you're like me, therapy can be a great place to explore the old stories and heal from them and begin writing new ones. If you're thinking about starting therapy, I want you to consider my friends at BetterHelp.
The Ramsey Show
If You Live Fake Rich, You Will Become Real Broke!
BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, and you can talk with your therapist when it works for your schedule. You just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch at any time for no extra cost. So start writing a new story this month with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month.
The Ramsey Show
If You Live Fake Rich, You Will Become Real Broke!
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The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
It's easy to forget that no one can do life alone. And I don't care if you're an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever you want to call yourself, we all have to have a community and a support system to do life with. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all by ourselves to knowing that we can only be well and whole when we ask for help.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
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The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
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The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Okay. it's um it's us yeah you know and he would he would probably he's rolling over in his grave seeing me give our money it's okay hey you went through a period of having to survive and you're still breathing and you're good and now we're going to start making some some harder and firmer and more um safe and rational choices right
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Yeah. Forgive yourself, man. My life would end if my wife passed away. It would stop. And I would hope to give myself some grace on what I did the next few months. I can't even wrap my head around that. So give yourself some grace. You've been trying to keep your family afloat as it's kind of drifting apart from you.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And now you've got to put your oxygen mask on and make sure you're in a stable enough place so that if you do end up having to take custody over this little granddaughter or whatever you choose to do or your child comes home, whatever you've got to do, you're going to be in a more stable place to do that.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Okay. I'm proud of you. And, George, the one thing I always tell parents in this situation is don't – Don't pull a gotcha, meaning if you've been giving money for month after month after month after month and it's up to thousands of dollars, in my opinion, that warrants a conversation, not just an overnight cutoff, right?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Because somebody has begun to lean on that money and you have shown up time and time and time again, it's worth a conversation and that can be an uncomfortable one.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
because she's going to say hey this is it I don't have any more money oh she's just going to let us like it's all her fault right I can't control how you budget how you spend any of that stuff I'm just telling you I don't have any more money right it's worth that conversation and then you got to hold those boundaries firm because those waters are coming and we're going to see if they're going to hold
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Well, I'll take it one step further. It's not only like we talk on the show, we often oversimplify it, right? Like you just cut that person off. What if I cut that person off and they have my granddaughter who's four, right? Like it complicates things. And so like we talked about in that call, what's the end goal?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
The end goal here is I can't give you any more money, and the end goal is I need my granddaughter safe. Okay, well then maybe she's gonna have to come live with you for a couple of weeks, because that's the only option, right? Does anybody want that? No, but that's the next right thing. So I think sometimes it's as simple as telling your 25-year-old kid, you gotta move out of the basement.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
often it's sitting down and saying, okay, what's the best thing for the children involved in this deal? And what's the reality? My financial reality, I don't have more money. I can't give you anything else. Or I'm going to have to be calling you for money. And you got to make those hard decisions and think through all the ramifications of that. But none of it is easy.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And I think we all want an easy path. None of it's easy. It's all hard. And you got to go do it anyway.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by George Campbell, 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Selling a house the Ramsey way makes home ownership something to celebrate, not something that ruins every part of your life. The Ramsey Trusted Program is the only way to find an agent that you can trust to keep you on track with what we teach here at Ramsey.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And here's the deal, to get you the best offer on your house or find the right house for you, nothing is worse than having a real estate agent who's pressuring you to buy a house that you can't afford or is at the top, top, top end of your budget that's making you queasy, but they got to get the sale and they want to get their number. Ramsey trusted agents don't do that. They walk with you.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
They know what you're trying to accomplish and they know that you want to get a house and you want to have peace inside that home. We send you the top agents in your area, folks that we trust, that we use in our homes and our lives. You can review their stats. You can interview them. You can decide which one you want to work with.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Ramsey Trusted Agents have years of experience and will help you make wise decisions when it comes to pricing, marketing, and making or choosing the right offer. Find a Ramsey Trusted Real Estate Agent for free. It doesn't cost you anything. Just go to ramseysolutions.com slash agent. All right, let's go out to Charlotte, North Carolina and talk to M-A-T-T. What's up, Matt? How we doing? Good.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
How are you? We're partying, brother. How can we help, man?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Yeah. Okay. Where do you live, Matt? Right outside of Charlotte. No, no, no. Do you have your own house, your own apartment? You live with mom? Where are you living?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Let's go even simpler for guys like me. When you say indexed, they're indexed and they're passively managed.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So they pick. I'm making these up.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And if they go up, then the index fund goes up. And if they just all go down, then the index fund kind of goes down. And over time, we hope these companies just keep getting bigger and growing. And then can companies fall off the S&P 500 and new ones pop in?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So the whole thing should be just going up over time.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And so index funds means nobody's driving. It's just following whatever.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
You like that? You just ruined it for people.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
But, dude, that's like saying I don't want to root for the Yankees or the Astros because they're going to have different players in a few years. The goal is you hope that they have guiding principles and they have the same desire to win and they have the same integrity over time. Some teams are better at integrity than others with the teams I just labeled. I know Kelly's looking at me.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Kelly's upset. But you see what I'm saying? Like, yeah, the fund manager is going to roll over, but it will change over time.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And for what it's worth, George and I both put our money in mutual funds. Call me a dummy. Me too. They do, George. They call us dummies. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Is this a communication challenge or is your wife being spiteful? Because there's two different ways to approach this.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Most, I don't mean to overly gender this, but this is just the way it plays out in the real world. Most of the time when I talk to men in your situation, they try to solve this with a plan, a strategy, a new card, a new spreadsheet, a new commitment ceremony. And the only way I've ever seen somebody be successful is
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
is if they are honest with their spouse about the story behind the story, the story behind the strategy. And that would be you sitting down and saying, I need to be open with you. Can I tell you something that's scaring me to death? And her say, oh, sure, honey, what's going on? And you say, I'm scared about not having any money.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And I'm feeling like I'm not communicating this well because every month there's another $250 in gifts and stuff like that in $20 increments. And I don't feel like I'm being fully honest here at the table. And you notice I did two things here. Number one, I was honest. You told her how you felt. You didn't throw a strategy at her.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And number two, you used the word I. Not you keep overspending and you keep doing it because when she does that, man, she's going to go back to her childhood. She's going to go to war. My guess is she's going to have to decide.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I would rather feel the short-term discomfort of not having a gift for every single thing that pops up because I never could buy gifts for anybody or I never got any gifts for anybody. And now I can, so I feel like I have to. She's going to have to give up that short-term pleasure for the long-term safety of me and my husband don't have to worry about not having anything to eat. And that's hard.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And I haven't seen a way to get there without emotion. Yeah. without without a story without you saying this is how i feel yeah and if she looks at you and says i don't care how you feel i'm buying gifts for this thing well now y'all got a deeper issue y'all got to deal with yeah can you do that yeah most definitely
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Well, that's often really important. Because that's when the $20 plus $20 plus $50 turns into $310. And she goes, oh, gosh, I don't want to do that. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
He loves it. It was a great gift.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Lester, have you tried any of these things we're throwing at you? Does it all sound crazy?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Put that plan in front of her and y'all talk through it. And then more importantly than that plan, paint a picture for her of how you're going to be able to breathe in your own home. How are you and her going to have something neither of y'all have ever had, which is economic security? Mm-hmm.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Let her just absorb that and feel her husband radiating this thing that you've probably never radiated before, which is just peace. Man, there's not a lot of gifts I'm going to buy in exchange for my wife's peace, for my peace. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. And then, by the way, once you get that peace, like George said, you don't owe anybody money. You can buy gifts for everybody.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
You could be kind of over the top and reckless with who you buy gifts for because you don't owe anybody money.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
They die inside. That's scientific. They just die.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
What up? What up? This is the Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney joined by the great George Camel. Live from Nashville, Tennessee, we are taking your calls on your money, building wealth, doing work that you love, and creating and sustaining and hanging on to great relationships. So glad that you're with us today. We're taking live calls, 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Where's that question coming from? It's a question I hear all over the, the, I mean, I hear that question everywhere and I've actually lost many nights sleep over that question. Where are you getting it from?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Just kind of in the air. Yeah. I'm going to give you my very, um, primitive answer and George, who's way smarter on this stuff. We'll give you a more sophisticated answer. Um, okay. Can I guarantee anything over the next 30 years? No, you can't. But here's what I can guarantee you.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
If the US dollar, if we woke up one day and the US dollar had collapsed as a global currency, as a localized currency, Bitcoin would not save you. Having an alternative, oh, okay, we've got this special email account with these special zeros and ones and ones and zeros in it that say it's worth stuff. Because the world's debt is in US dollars. Bitcoins are bought and traded in US dollars.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Everything revolves around that. And so when people are calling for the collapse of the dollar, I can't guarantee it's not going to happen. What I will guarantee you is you'll be fending off your neighbor because they're going to be trying to kill you for your water.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Like it's, it's, or you're going to be figuring out how to walk 30 miles to work to an office that doesn't exist anymore because there's no gas to put in a car. Like it will, it will so change the way we do life for a while that, um, as one of my buddies told me, he's a, he's a bank executive and he said, Hey, cause I was just peppering him with these questions.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And it was actually the response that freed me. He looked at me and said, Hey man, I don't have a meteorite plan. I don't have a plan for if the world gets hit by a meteorite. I'm not building that world up, right? I will deal with that if it happens. But until then, I'm going to do the next best smart right thing that I got, which is buy real estate and invest wisely. Right.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And so I think most people don't have a – what kind of scorched earth it would be if Wall Street goes away, right? Right.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
All right, that was my dragon's end, like, swords answer. What do you think, George?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Hey, Joseph, I'm going to ask a question on your behalf to George. Is that right? Okay, he's smarter on this stuff than I am. Yeah. George, I remember doing an event with Jocko once, and at the end of the event, he said to the audience, we were both on stage there, and he said, We talk a lot about military stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
We talk a lot about might and our Navy SEALs ability, but he said the thing that the US has is the small business, is the economics, the economy. And as I dug into that, because I started asking people like, is that true? I mean, it sounds good from a stage, but is that right?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And what one finance wizard told me, and again, I'm asking you because who knows, but said, when a country says we're going to devalue the dollar, And they have bought U.S. Treasuries. They have a vested interest in the U.S. economy.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
that they actually are going to lower the amount that we owe them and so the the the advantage we have is if a country's like we're gonna try to crash the dollar then that the investments that they have made go away it hurts them financially it hurts them significantly and so my understanding is the world's debt essentially traffics in u.s dollars and so if a group of countries get together like let's crash the dollar
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
You can do that, and it may be to your advantage over 100 years, but it's going to be ugly, right? Because you're crashing the amount you're actually owed back.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Joseph and George, that was what ultimately when I was where Joseph was, I was spinning out, man. I wasn't sleeping for weeks. I was asking everybody all the time. Ultimately, I came to what can I control here? And if it all goes away. If I don't owe anybody anything, then there's not going to be somebody knocking on my door and say, that's mine, right?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Whether it's a car, whether it's a house, whether it's land, whatever it is. If I don't owe anybody anything, then there's not going to be somebody. Somebody might try to come take it, but they're not going to be saying, hey, that's actually mine. And that to me feels like the smartest hedge is I don't owe anybody anything.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Yeah, it always feels so complicated when you're in it. And in Georgia, in my seat, it's usually way less complicated. Can I ask you a hard question?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Are you paying his phone bill for him or for you?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I know, but are you paying the bill for him or for you?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Has he listened to any of the wisdom or advice you've given him over the years?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
If behavior is a language, what has he been telling you for a long, long time?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
well I guess that he doesn't value my input yeah he'll take your money he'll take your phone bill cool but when it comes to I want to live a different life a healthier life a safer life a more loving life yeah I don't really care about that I'm especially not going to take that crap from you and then with the health he does of who do you think you are I'm your dad
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
How long have you been chasing him? Your whole life?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And I'm just like, yeah, your gut, your gut instinct is right. And there's more to it than this too. Yeah. I think if to circle back to the first question I asked you is, are you paying this phone bill so that you can sleep at night knowing I tried to preserve my relationship with my dad?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
As I watched him slowly, the man that I love, the good dad that I had, as I watched him slowly implode his life. getting involved with all these people, getting married a bunch of times. Now he's just slowly just unwinding.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Often we try to hang on because something inside of us says that if there's just, we say the right thing or we can just give the right amount of data or just do the right, nice, kind thing that suddenly they'll be like, oh, amazing. Hey, by the way, can you help me with my love life and my money? And unfortunately, this call is not going to come.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So if you want to make, if you want to pay his phone bill and just pay his phone bill and make that a part of your life and, and not hope for that, that will have an R a relational ROI on it. Great. Knock your lights out. George and I just say, make sure you're not putting on a credit card. Right. Um,
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Those are two different things. And you have lied to yourself for the last two or three years saying, I'm quote unquote doing this for the baby. But you've been running around with your peacock feathers out trying to woo this woman. And man, she's been just happy to take your money, happy to take all your stuff. But it wasn't about that girl. And now again, I think you love your daughter.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
If you're just tired of being involved with all this and now you're wondering what he's even doing on an encrypted app that's linked to you and your bank account. Dude, I'm going to write him a letter and say, I'm going to step away from this.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And then you're going to have to spend some time in this scary black hole called grief. It's not supposed to be like this. Your parents are married for 34 years.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And I know you know this, but I feel compelled to say it. You didn't do anything wrong, Daniel. You've been a good daughter.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I know, but there's not a thing you could have done differently in a conversation you didn't have. He's your dad. He's a grown man. He's way older than you. He's made adult choices. And like we told the previous caller, there's just nothing harder than watching someone you love flush their life away, especially when you're standing there on the bank of the river saying, I can help, I can help.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And they're like, no, just stay here. It's heartbreaking.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Maybe that's the best thing he could do. Great idea for him.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Yeah, it might keep him out of jail. I think it's a good idea.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
You can... Create good boundaries. You can be graceful and merciful and forgiving. And then you can do the next right thing for you and for your relationship. And sometimes that's walking away. Sometimes that's just saying, I'm taking my hands off the wheel. You're driving. Cool. I'll be here when you're ready.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, you've heard me say this a thousand times, and I'm going to keep saying it. You're worth being well, and I believe therapy can help. Right now, BetterHelp is offering 90% off your first week of therapy now through March 31st. So if you've been on the fence, this is your chance to try therapy for a fraction of the cost.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I think you're working as hard as you can. But man, you got to let the fantasy of this woman go. It's burying you. What's this felony charge about?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Because let's be honest, we all spend money on things we hope will make us feel better, like new clothes, organic groceries, gym memberships. But when it comes to actually digging in and getting real with our mental and emotional well-being, we hesitate. We pause. And I know actually going to therapy can seem like a huge first step, but please hear me.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
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The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Your well-being is worth it, and this offer makes it easier than ever to start. 90% off your first week of therapy now through March 31, 2025. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get started. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
All right, today's question comes from Scott in Michigan. Scott writes, I have been in the auto industry for almost six years. I started as a mechanic at a large dealership, moved up to service advisor and recently was promoted to sales consultant. I bring in about $150,000 a year.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
After reading George Campbell's Breaking Free from Broke and the chapter about car loans, I felt guilty for being a part of this industry. Way to go, George. Sorry. You guilt peddler. I've always thought of myself as an honest salesperson, and I don't just sell people a car. I try to educate my customers into making the right decision, but yet I feel very convicted after reading this chapter.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
All right, let's do this. Let's stop there. I don't want you to say something that's going to get subpoenaed on the air. Let's just roll back to the money part. Is that cool?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Thanks again, George. I went to college for business management, but dropped out so that I wouldn't accumulate any more debt, and I've been gazelle-intense so that me and my wife and kids think I've gone crazy. I fear that if I pursue another career, I would not be able to earn what I currently make because the auto industry is the one I know.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Is it hypocritical to continue to work in an industry that keeps people in debt while working my butt off to get myself out of debt? Hey Dave, can I come work for you?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So you think Scott can sit down with people and say, okay. Until it eats away at his soul. What kind of money do you have?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I think a Corolla is a great option for you. Instead of saying, oh, they just walked in the door, let's get them in a Land Cruiser. Even though we know they can't afford the payment, right? So they may be the voice of reason. And people are adults when they buy cars and they could always... It's not on you.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And I want to address the bottom of this. And this is a heavy one. this idea that for whatever reason, and we live in a wild world now where because of Twitter and because of social media, we know how our bosses vote. We know who they vote for. We know what they think about this issue and that issue. And we know where they stand on this and this. Not to mention, oh, I thought I was selling cars.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I didn't realize that y'all only make money on finance, right? We know so much more. millions of people look in the mirror and say, can I be a part of this particular business for X, Y, and Z reasons? Because I've got this set of values and somewhere along the way in this chain of value hierarchies, we don't align. The question often comes up, but I won't make this kind of money.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
A, I think that's a false sense of scarcity. If you've been able to work yourself up, like clearly this guy is good at what he does. He's a person, a character. He works really hard because he's moved from this position to this. He continues to get promotion. So let's let what has happened. Be the map forward. You'll find a new industry and you'll work really hard. You'll be a person of integrity.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
You'll make your way through.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
He's clearly a good leader or they wouldn't keep moving him up. That's number one. Number two, you always have to go back and ask yourself, what's your integrity worth? And that's a scary, hard question. That's a scary, hard question for a guy like me, right? Like, what if it's in my core guts?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I just thought at the end of the day, when I put my head on my pillow, I think you can get rich from airline miles. And my boss, Dave is like, you can't get rich with airline miles. I'd have to ask myself, what's it worth, right? What's it worth? And so I think- But there's incongruence every day.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Right, and I just haven't been able to find a way to sleep at night when there's incongruence in your life like that. And so I think all of us have to ask that hard question and then go ask, all right, what must be true, right? But your kids will feel that lack of congruency. Your spouse will feel that lack of congruency. Your body will feel that lack of congruency.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So you might think you're just plugging along, making such and such paycheck, but, man, it will burn the rest of your life to the ground. It's tough. It's tough.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So can I tell you that there was a pivotal moment in my life from a friend and extraordinary mentor of mine. His name is Dr. Richard Beck. He's a psychology professor. He's an experimental psychologist. He's a genius, literal. One day I was sitting with him and some things had happened to some students and I was really struggling with it, whether the university's response was appropriate.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
It didn't sit well with me. So I went and sat with him and here's what he said. He said, John, I get your tension here. I get the angst and I think you're right. As a mentor, as a friend, I want you to know you're free to go. You're right. And then he said, just know that if you leave, those students will still be here. And if everybody runs out the door, just quote unquote because they can.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
right and that particular interaction shifted so now i want to find places where maybe i can offer an alternative voice or maybe i can say well what let's think of it this way and where can we find where can we like i love it you said this scott this may be the greatest place for you you may be the one salesperson that continues to say you know what i don't think you can afford the camry but the corolla is an amazing car let's go check it out
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And that you're the person constantly getting poked fun at by your fellow salespeople because your commission checks are smaller because you keep directing people to cars that they can actually afford. You know what? The new lot is not for you guys. Let's go over here to the certified new lot because I think this is going to be a better option for you and your family long term.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
What if you were that guy and you slowly, painfully changed the culture in that and people kept coming back to you because they trusted you? Well, that word of mouth alone, I'm going to go, hey, you need to go see this guy, Scott. Go see Scott. He's the good guy. He'll tell you the truth.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So if there's a place where your boss votes differently, okay, or what if you stayed? What if you stayed? And what if you said... Let's think about it this way. What if you became over time a voice of reason, a voice of a new perspective, and you continue to show up and continue to show up? I think that's how the world changes.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
If everybody heads for the exits when it gets hard and scary and uncomfortable, nothing changes. In fact, everything gets more polarized and everything gets harder. And so ask yourself that question, Scott and everybody listening. What if you stayed? What if you stayed and you just began to slowly offer different ways to see the world? I think that's how the world changes.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Or like Dan the cocaine dealer. Yes. It's a car. Suddenly I can't.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
you know 93 000 working doubles when i mean i've been working non-stop two jobs for the last three years but bro if you if you if you make 98 three years in a row you're out no no not three years in a row no no i'm telling you like i want you to hear george and i say we believe in you if you make 90 grand for three years in a row just straight hustling you'll be out you'll be free Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Yeah. You've convinced me on some things. Really? Yeah. To do what?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
You convinced me to get Venmo. You've almost convinced me. I was in Pennsylvania two nights ago and I reached out to you and said, hey, will you... John doesn't know how to do like Instacart or like food delivery. Will you send ice cream as a surprise to my family?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
But you did convince me to get Venmo, and I may get Instacart? Baby steps. I think I'm going to get Instacart.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. The Employee Benefit Research Institute recently did a study asking how many people have a million dollars saved for retirement. According to their research, only 3.2 of Americans have a million dollars or more in their tax advantage accounts, like a 401k and IRAs. 58% of Americans have less than $10,000 saved in their retirement accounts. Dude, that's dark stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Six out of 10 Americans basically could do a month and a half in a retirement home. That's it. As a listener of the Ramsey show, are you staying on track with the baby steps to reach your financial goals? Here's the deal. Take a quick quiz to check your progress and receive a personalized plan just for you.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Simply head to the show notes, click on the link titled, are you on track with the baby steps and complete the free quiz. If you are one of the six out of a 10 of Americans that have less than 10 grand, there is a light for you, but you got to get on it, right? You have to, you got to begin to act differently.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
This same 6 out of 10 who have less than 10,000, I'll go as high as 70%, 80% that are fragile.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
But also, everybody knows that they're ringing the bell saying, hey, uh... Your Social Security is going to be less than. We're not solvent here in the next 10, 15, 20 years.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Act today. Act today. Act today. Check out the show notes. Are you on track with the baby steps? Complete the free quiz. Stare down this anxious moment in your life and begin to do something different. Let's go out to Stamford, Connecticut and talk to James. What is up, James?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Excellent. The same. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Listen to me. You'll be free. If you file bankruptcy, you're putting a chain around your neck and you're jumping into a lake.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So James, you do not have a problem with your mother-in-law. She is your proxy ward. You have a problem with your wife.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Who... I have the greatest mother-in-law who's ever lived. She's amazing. And I expect my mother-in-law to give the advice that she sees fit for how she wants the world to work. I acknowledge that too. But when it comes to the life that me and my wife have to build for ourselves, she doesn't get a vote. And so your mother-in-law can say whatever she wants. Good for her. That's awesome.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
It's amazing. She's not the problem here. The problem here is you and your wife are not on the same page. And so it doesn't matter what your mother-in-law is saying. It matters that you look at your wife and your wife says, hey, I want to stay home. And you say, we can't afford to do that. Or we can, but here's what it's going to cost. You have to sell the car.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
We can't live in this particular house or in this particular neighborhood.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I got it. I got it. The deck is firmly stacked against you until you get that clear. 100%. But I have never one time... I mean, I've never... The guy who mows my lawn, I don't know if he's got a felony charge. He just does a great job, right? I mean, there's work to be had. It's not traditional work and it's not fun work. And it is hard, grinding, hot, cold work. But there's work.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Yeah, you keep crafting all these stories and imaginations like, well, it's probably because of this and maybe it's, but it doesn't matter. Just forget all the story parts. Just sit down and look at the woman that you've made humans with. Look at the woman that you said, I do, till death do us part. Like, what kind of life do we want to have?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
What do we want this house to feel like when we get home every day? How much are you making a year, James?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Or at least it involves y'all having to have a truthful conversation about, hey, what do I want? What do I really want? I really want to work at this job. I love my nonprofit work. And I know I make half of what I could make in the for-profit world, but I feel valued and loved here. And then your wife looks across the table and says, I really want to stay at home with our kids.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I see what happens in daycares. I want to be with our kids. Okay, now we have a desires challenge. Both of us are being honest. Both of us on the table. Now we're just going to look at math does not care about what we want. Math is just math. So let's look at the math problem we have here.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And maybe it's for three years, I'm going to stay at this nonprofit, but I'm going to work an extra job so that you can stay home because I know that's important to you. And maybe it's, you know what, for three years, I'm going to keep working at daycare because at least I get to see the kids half the day.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And we're not netting a lot of new income, but this mission that you're called to at this nonprofit is really important. But now y'all are actually talking substantively. You're being honest with one another and you're putting your hearts and minds and souls on the table like you promised each other you would at your wedding. And your mother-in-law doesn't get a vote.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
But right now when your wife says, well, my mom says that I, that's her knowing if I, she just tells you what she wants, you're going to blow by her with a spreadsheet. And when your wife says something and you go, well, it's just your mother-in-law speaking, that's you not being able to say, I really love my work. It means something to me. Do you get what I'm saying?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Let's just take mother-in-law out of the equation. Let's just talk directly with your wife. Is that possible? Yeah, yeah. Most of the time, you sound like a, actually you sound a lot like me, brother. You sound like a spreadsheet guy. You can pull up a spreadsheet and you can make the math work or you can be real honest about it not working.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
I want you to sit down with your wife and talk about emotions and feelings, which is maybe a scary thing. Here's how I feel about this. Here's what I want. I feel like your mother-in-law has a seat at our table, at dinner table. I feel like your mom has a seat in our bedroom. I don't want her in here anymore. I want it to be us. What world do we want to create?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
We have a packed house out here in the audience. Good to see everybody coming to visit us here in, actually we're in Franklin, just north of Nashville. But we are glad you are with us as well. Let's go out to Milwaukee. No, no, no, no. Let's go out to Dallas. Detone and talk to Cyrus. Hey, Cyrus, what's up, man? Hello, how you doing? Doing outstanding, my man. What's up?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Thank you so much for the call, my brother. This is The Ramsey Show.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. And they don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Okay. I have an awesome tip for this, before you even ask your question.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
All right. Do you have a pen and paper you can write this down?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
You'll remember it. Okay. All right. Stop giving your ex-daughter-in-law money. That was incredible, wasn't it? That was genius. That was incredible. I went to a lot of grad school for that one.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So he's indigent. He's not working. Is he struggling with addiction pretty bad?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Okay, he just dropped out of his life. So are you giving money because you feel guilty?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Well, if you want to keep giving her money, then why do you want to stop giving her money?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
here's the deal though unless you want to file with the child protective services in that local area and take custody of this kid because the kid's not safe where her money goes isn't any of your business and I know that's hard to hear but it's not yeah and she you've been giving her money thousands and thousands of dollars and you've probably had a ton of conversations about your son who's transitioned like you've had tons of conversations with her y'all are close and she's going to keep calling you in the middle of the night because she knows you'll bail her out of whatever situation she finds herself in
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And so until you say up front, hey, I don't have enough money for me. And so from this point forward, here's the last $500 I got, and this is it. And she's going to call you again because she doesn't believe you. And you're going to have to hold firm to that boundary. You're going to have to be sad. You're going to have to be upset. You're going to have to be angry at your child.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
You have to be frustrated, all of it. But you don't have any money to give.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Are you in a position to take temporary custody of your granddaughter for a while?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Sure, of course. What does she say to that?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
So let's stop communicating in messages because that's how my teenage son communicates with his friends and we're adults and this is too big of a deal. Let's make phone calls, okay?
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Let's pick up the phone and call and say, I'm going to come pick up my granddaughter and she can stay here until you get on your feet again. If that's what you feel like you need to do. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
And she may say, I hate you and I can't believe this. Or you may bail her out for three weeks and then she'll come over to the house and say, Oh my gosh, you took my kid. Like who knows what's going to happen in the back end of this deal. But at least for three weeks, that little girl's got a safe place to put her head.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
Of course. But listen, you don't get any say into her budget. You don't get any say into where she lives and where she works. That stinks, but you just don't, right? Yeah, I know. Man, I can't even imagine being in the situation you're in. But just because it hurts doesn't mean it's wrong. You don't have a pain-free path forward here.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Other People's Problems Ruin Your Finances
You have to choose the one that's going to hurt and also lead you to where you want to be, which is right now a safe place for your daughter and your bleeding cash that you don't have. And have you grieved your husband's loss?
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
You know, one of the first things I discovered working in the financial world is how absolutely devastating it is when the breadwinner of a family dies. and there's too little life insurance or none at all. Grieving families are suddenly left behind scrambling to pay bills and trying to make ends meet.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
I also discovered that there are a lot of rip-offs in the life insurance world, like that whole life crap posing as an investment opportunity. What you need is level term life insurance, usually 10 to 12 times your income, which is the smartest, most affordable way to protect your family.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
The key is finding an independent broker who represents a ton of companies and works for you, not for the insurance company. This is exactly what my friend Jeff Zander and his team at Zander Insurance are all about. They shop the term life companies to find you the best options, and they've been around for over 95 years. so you know they'll be there when you need them.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
Zander is the real deal, and that's why they've handled all my personal insurance for over 25 years. I trust them, and you can too. Visit Zander.com for instant online quotes or for a more personal touch. Give them a call at 800-356-4282.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
What does the future hold for business? Ask nine experts and you'll get 10 different answers. Economic growth or a recession. Business taxes will go up or down. AI will help us work or it will replace us all. But there's no such thing as a crystal ball.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
That's why more than 40,000 businesses have future-proofed themselves with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud enterprise resource planning system. Ramsey Solutions uses NetSuite, and you should too. Whether your company's earning millions or even hundreds of millions, NetSuite helps you respond to immediate challenges and seize your biggest opportunities.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
With one unified business management suite, there's only one source of truth for the visibility and control you need to make quick decisions. NetSuite's real-time insights and forecasting help you see into the future with actionable data. And when you're closing the books in days, not weeks, you can spend less time looking backward and more time focusing on what's next.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
And speaking of what's next, download the CFO's Guide to AI and Machine Learning at netsuite.com slash ramsey. It's free at netsuite.com slash ramsey.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
If you own a small business and you like The Ramsey Show, then you're going to love the Entree Leadership Podcast. Almost 200,000 listeners tune in every Monday to hear me take calls from real business leaders and give tactical advice based on my 30 years of experience leading. This is not a podcast about business theory. It's real insight from a practitioner who actually does this stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
Find it anywhere you listen to podcasts. Or if you're listening on YouTube or Podcast Now, just click the link in the description.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
You shouldn't own a gun. You're not willing to shoot. In moments of self-defense, a Berna launcher lets you protect yourself in a non-lethal way. That's exactly why Berna launchers were created. Everyone from parents and nurses to pastors and even special forces veterans rely on Berna to protect themselves and their families. I own several Bernas myself. They look like guns, but they're not.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
They shoot a 68 caliber round kinetic or chemical irritant projectile that can disable a threat from up to 60 feet away. And they're powered by compressed CO2 cartridges, so they're classified with paintball and airsoft guns. But they're more powerful than those for increased protection. Not to mention, Burna launchers are legal in all 50 states with no permits required.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
And because they're not firearms, they can be shipped directly to your door. Plus, Ramsey fans can get 10% off an exclusive bundle, which includes a Burna pistol, CO2 cartridges, and ammo. And other Burna products like safety alarms, defense sprays, and body armor are also 10% off for our listeners. Just go to byrna.com slash Dave to learn more. That's byrna.com slash Dave. Hey, guys, good news.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
Pre-sale is on now for my new book, Build a Business You Love. If you're a business owner, you know running a business is hard. That's why I wrote this book, to share what we learned over the last 30 years so business owners can grow your business faster with fewer mistakes. Pre-order your copy today, and you'll get access to over $350 in bonus items online.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
Only at RamseySolutions.com slash store. RamseySolutions.com slash store. Pre-order today.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
Listen, guys, I've heard just about every excuse for why folks think they can't get ahead with money. So let's go ahead and settle this right now. You get the final say on what happens with your money. That's why you have to start telling your money where to go so you can stop wondering where it went. So if you're going to start winning with money, you have to get on a budget.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
The easiest way to get started and stick to it is with the EveryDollar budget app. It'll help you make a plan for every single dollar coming in and every single dollar going out every single month. And guess what? It's free, so no excuses. Download EveryDollar in the App Store or Google Play today.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
scared of myself if i'm being honest yeah that's it right you're you're well number one can i just tell you i'm proud of you thank you that's gonna sound bananas but you you had you've had one blowout in five years yeah i mean i've dealt with manic and depressive episodes in that time but nothing to this to this degree but that tells me you've been working real hard
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
so george gave you the money part can i just give you my two cents what i would do in my house please um how long have you been married uh we've been married 13 years oh gross y'all still like each other oh we love each other that's so awesome no one's getting out of this alive good dude awesome awesome a little frightening but also awesome um what do y'all do for a living y'all make a great salary what do you do for a living
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
right now and yes and also um you know not guaranteed so i if i'm you i want you to imagine you and your husband just imagine this weekend what would our marriage be like what would our life be like if we had no house payment and if i'm you i've put a thousand dollars on the table and i got 380 i won the the i've won with a period at the end not i might keep winning more
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I would pull my money off the table, go to the window, cash out, and say goodbye Vegas, and I'd pay my house off, and I'd have a different level of peace in my home. And I'd never look at the Tesla stock price again because it's only going to make you crazy, but I'd sell it and get out.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Today's question comes from Vince in Massachusetts. Vince writes, My son graduated from high school this year. He lives with his mother and doesn't have any ambition to go to college or to even get a job. He's blocked all contact with me. My current wife and I are preparing to create our wills. My question is, what would you do if you were in this situation?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
That means you've been taking your meds even when you don't want to. That means you've been going to counseling even when you don't want to. That means you've been putting the work in. I'm proud of you. That's hard.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Part of me doesn't want to leave him any assets because I'm afraid if he knows there's an inheritance, he'll never have any incentive to make something of himself." I love the question. I don't like so much this idea that inheritance is an ROI that your kid has Performed up to your standards. So I guess although there is some life and like behavior standards too, right so a
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I guess if he's blocked all contact with you, that's one thing. So no, I would not leave somebody in the will who has cut me out of their life. The second thing, though, is he's 18. He's a teenager. And he's probably dealt with a lot of trauma in his life, probably dealt with a lot of chaos from y'all's divorce, you getting remarried and all that kind of stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So I would have some compassion there, too. My hope would be at some point y'all could sit down and have a grownup conversation and let them know I've got inheritance. And I don't know with sometimes people are like, I got a ton of money. It's 25,000 bucks. And then sometimes it's like, Dave, like I got a ton of money. It's $700 million. And you're like, okay.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So I think it's, it depends on how much money we're talking here. But I think if he knows now I'm going to pay for him to go to college, I'm going to support him to go to med school to do whatever. I think it's worth having those conversations.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
At the end of the day, if you've got a son or daughter who's struggling with mental health challenges, if you've got a son or daughter that is struggling with some form of addiction, Just dumping a bunch of money into their checking account after you pass away is going to kill them. It's the worst thing you could do. And so I do think there is room for, hey, here's my expectations.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
My expectations are you are a good person, that you treat people with dignity and respect, that you work hard in your job. And here is how my will is set up right now. you don't have that luxury because he won't talk to you. Maybe you could set up in a trust so that with a custodian that based on certain metrics, once he graduates college, then this comes.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And I love your self-awareness is pretty amazing. Yeah, the person that you've lost trust in is not your boss, is not the government. It's you, right? And that's just a scary place to find yourself. when you're worried about what you're going to do next. So when you are you pretty leveled out right now? Or do you fall? Do you go down in the valley after a pretty, pretty hot episode?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So if he never goes to college, then this money never comes. And then eventually it rolls to a charity of your choice or something. But I'd sit down with a state attorney and work through the knickknacks of that stuff. But I think there's, George, I think it comes down to most kids think I just get, I have a right. To mom and dad's money, which isn't true.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And then I think the other side is mom and dad's often think, oh, I have to do this with my money. I have to give it to my kid or else. And they won't like me. It's like, man, he already doesn't like you. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And one last note, Vince, if your son's not talking to you because you were a jerk when he was a kid, let's say you treated his mom real poorly when y'all were married and you went and cleaned your life up and you've changed and you've got a new wife, a new life, and y'all are doing great, but son's still harboring some anger and some rage, don't give him a bunch of money as a way to buy back his goodwill.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
That's going to backfire on you. And that's just me throwing that out there. We often try to solve guilt through our wills, right? Like, I'm going to do this, and then when I'm dead, they're going to think good of me.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
But you'll be dead. You'll be dead, right? So maybe this is a conversation between you and your ex-wife, you and his mom, to talk through where he's at, what he wants to do. But there seems to be a lot more going on here. So there you go. Thanks for the question. Did you put your kid in your will?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Oh, you're one of those parents, huh?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
If you're 10, that's not that impressive. How old are you? I'm 25. George wasn't even born when you started watching this show. That's amazing. That's weird to think about.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Bold choice. Sounds very Oklahoman if you ask me.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So what type of account would you recommend?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I'd be debt-free this evening. I would take my emergency fund and pay off all my debts. How much do you have in there?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
That's right. And yeah, lame. That's a good, I love that word. And that's the challenge, right? Is how do you, it's making, making peace with the ordinary, right? Making peace with day in and day out. That's hard. That's hard. Um, yeah, here is the best worst news I'm going to give you. Okay. You have one choice. Actually, that's not true. You have two choices.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
But David, I can tell you the conversation I had with my parents. I think people get, the retirement number is really important, but I also think the retirement risk profile is important. And the conversation I had with my parents who were in their 70s was, I want y'all to be in a position where nobody can come take your house. And thinking about how much do we have in the nest egg?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
What about our bills? I've got this one taken care of. Nobody can come take my bed from me. You get what I'm saying? Yeah. And so I think I really want you to have a nest egg in retirement. But man, I want you to have as little risk as possible. And if you don't have a house payment, they can't come take your house from you.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Man, that just thinking about my own parents entering into their 70s, that just gives me a lot of peace. I know it gives them a lot of peace.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Oh, boy, don't do that. Yeah, don't do that. No, I'm not going to do that. Don't do that. I would love you to land. Okay, cool. Now we have no bills. Not one person owns us, except we have to pay taxes, we have to pay our light bill and our water bill, and we'll have to put some gas in the car. Man, that just feels like a great place to start the fourth quarter of your life.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Why isn't, is your house a total loss?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Where did the insurance company get their numbers from?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
But it's not looking great. I think it's worth going to get an attorney to walk through it with you.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Choice number one is to say, see, I told you so. You blew it all. You screwed up everything. It's just going to keep happening forever. Whatever. Or you can look at the data you have in front of you. The data says for five years, you scratched, you clawed. And by the way, you got a diagnosis at 19. And that means that 18, 17, 16, 15 were really tough years for you, weren't they? Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Have you, you know, someone else that might get involved as your mortgage company? Yes. And let them know, hey, this is what they're coming in at. And because a cornerstone of a bank lending you money is that an insurance company has said, we'll take care of it if something happens to your investment bank. Right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
If this guy keeps paying us for his insurance, we're going to take care of your investment, Mr. Banker. And they're saying, yeah, no, we're not. And that might be another call I would make.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Yeah, I mean, you live in Florida. I grew up in Houston. That's always a thing, right? We know that living on the coast. Yeah. You hope it doesn't happen. And if you're in a flood-prone area, you're going to pay more for insurance. Do you still have the insurance? Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Well, the insurance company should pay for you while you're displaced.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So you sound like an 18-year-old that suddenly started making six figures and bought every toy imaginable, just like I would have done.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So you don't owe any money to anybody? I don't owe any money, nothing. Okay, will you make me and George a promise? You'll never borrow money.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Listen, you just took one leap for mankind towards you having an astronomical amount of wealth. You're a hustler, aren't you?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Okay. When hustling is going well, hustlers get loaded. And when things get dicey, when the economy gets sideways or people don't need your gear or somebody's like, I thought you made a lot of money. Why are you driving that truck? And it hurts your precious old feelings. Hustlers get themselves in a mess.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
If you will stick to this principle and the principles George is going to walk you through, all of us will be working for you someday.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So you got it 19 and you've been wobbly and figuring it out and doing pretty dang well, making a whole bunch of money, which tells me you're really good at what you do. And you had one kind of off the rails manic episode. You quit your job and you managed to go dust yourself off and go get another six figure job. And now you're back at it. So option two is. You take your lumps. You'll learn.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
George and I have both bought houses with a credit score of zero.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Yeah. That's an old story our parents taught us, and it's a new story that floats around on the TikToks and the Instagrams. If you want to get stupid rich, just delete social media.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Think about a credit score like this. Imagine you're dating, okay? And since you're 18 years old and you make six figures, you're going to be a prized possession there in Anchorage. So all a credit score is, is somebody asking how you've treated your old girlfriends before they, they want to know everyone you've dated.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And if you ever go on a date and the first question somebody says, hey, hold on, before I go out, I want to know the names and numbers of everyone you've ever dated. I'm going to call them and check up on you. Just walk away. That's not going to be a good relationship for you. That's not going to be good.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Listen, I could give you $10 million in cash today and you could put it in your checking account and your credit score would not change. Credit score has nothing to do with how much wealth you have. It just has to do with how you've danced with debt in the past. It doesn't matter. It's a scam.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
You put one hurdle in front of yourself, which is you have one or two people that you know and you trust and love who have your ATM number and your Amazon login. And the next time they see you starting to spin up, they have permission from you in writing that they can go cut something off. And you're just going to need different hurdles than other people. But everybody's got their own hurdles.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
If you've got, for easy math, let's say you make $100,000 every year on the dot. 35,000 of that, you gotta pull out for taxes. 15,000 of that, you're gonna pull out to invest. Now you're down to 50,000. And then you're gonna have an emergency fund.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And you're gonna see why your dad's grumpy a lot, because he makes a lot of money and he doesn't get to spend it on anything other than planning for the future and giving to the government. So don't get antsy, don't buy crap you can't afford. Just keep plugging away, dude. And I'm telling you what, I'm so proud of you, George, so proud of you. You're a hero. You're on the path, my brother.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, it's that time of year. It's starting to get a little bit colder. It's getting a little bit dark earlier. And sometimes if you're like me, you just want to stay inside and get cozy. And for me, my perfect cozy night is me and all of my family piled under blankets, watching a movie, sitting by the fire, maybe even reading a book.
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And listen, whatever your perfect night in looks like, sometimes therapy can feel a bit like that. a time when you can settle in, finally exhale, replenish your energy, and begin to take care of yourself. Therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort during the chaos and rush of the holiday season or any other time of year. Take care. Bye. Bye. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp.
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Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
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Yours are going to be taller because you've got BP1. But, dude, I'm proud of you. The thing I don't want you to do is give up on you. Because your track record is pretty dang good.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
You kind of live there in your free time.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So they've moved the Dr. John Deloney show into the app and along with the Ramsey show and you can get the show a week early. But one of the big questions that people have asked since I started on the show is, okay, you talk to people for eight minutes and you give them this idea or 20 minutes and then you give them these things they need to do. Does this stuff actually work?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And so this was kind of a bluff call. And so there's a couple of episodes of me sitting with somebody for 90 days. We sit in person. And one person, I got on a plane and flew to Connecticut. I was like, I need to see her ASAP. But we walk through. People are struggling with various things, relationships and anxiety, whatever. And it turned out to be a pretty amazing show.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And so this latest episode is about this extraordinary woman named Kelsey who, man, she does a lot of hard, hard work doing this thing. And so it's a fun episode. But you can check out my show. You can check out the Ramsey Show. You can check out everything on Georgia's favorite place to hang out, the Ramsey Network app.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Um, who told you, hold on, who told you either explicitly or implicitly, who told you that you're a burden? Somewhere along the way, you picked up the message that the world would be better if you just stayed in the shadows. Who told you that?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Okay. But that lack of self-confidence comes from someone, something. You don't just wake up with a lack of self-confidence. That's something that's earned over time.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Did you grow up in a house where an adult said, hey, if you do that, your dad's going to get really, or hey, you know mom gets mad if you, is that the house you grew up in?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And you aren't asking yourself, why is he getting what I'm not? You can ask that question, but underneath it is, what's wrong with me?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Seven-year-olds don't tell the truth. I mean, they're not factual creatures, but they're just full-feeling creatures, right? And so all I have to say is, here's where that's important right now. Nothing I tell you, nothing George tells you is going to matter if you don't think you're worth even the conversation.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
If you think you're a burden to tell your husband, I'm not doing this, or we don't have the money for, or I need your help around here with the kids. If you don't think you're worth that conversation or somehow his time or his precious little feelings are more important, more valuable than yours, then it doesn't matter what tips or hacks we give you.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So tell me something. You say your husband's spoiled. How is he spoiled?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Well, I think 50-50, if you try to keep score, that's a recipe for you crashing and burning. I wouldn't do that. But I would seek equity. I would seek, we pull equal weight around here. And what 50-50 means is you do the dishes, I do this. You do this, I do this. And then somebody gets the flu and dishes pile up. Or somebody has a really wild, like my wife has an editorial deadline for her book.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
You can't. It's okay. You know who else can't? Me. You know who else can't? George. Dave.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I wanna do the dishes, I do my half, she does her half. That destroys relationships. But if there is a sense of, whoever walks by the dishes picks up the dishes. Both of us help with kids' bedtimes. Both of us help with laundry. And it does help sometimes to divvy up. Like, hey, I'll take care of the laundry. I need you to push. My wife hits send on all of our bills, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Like we talk about our budget and stuff, but she's the one who actually writes the check or hits send on whatever internet-y thing they have. I don't know how those things get paid. But you see, it starts with a conversation and it starts with the deeper layer here is we do this together.
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Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
and so here's a beautiful moment you're coming up on a new year this is a great time to do it I would love to see you take him out to breakfast and say hey the last year was hard and I'm proud of you for the steps you've made I want us to have the conversation about what kind of marriage we're going to have this year and I want to talk about what you need and what you want I want to talk about what I need and what I want and then we're going to talk about how we can love each other in 2025 we get to build a new marriage this year
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And if you come at him and say, you haven't been doing your stuff, the moment you say the word you, his body is going to, you start to fight him over. He's got to defend himself. But if you sit down and say, I've been taking on the lion's share of the stuff while you got well, I'm so grateful that I was able to help you and walk alongside you in this way. That's great.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I want to back off on doing everything around the house. And I want us to begin right. So you're using the word I, which is an invitation word. And man, you get to decide, you get to lay it out there.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I would suggest that you come with a picture in your mind that you can tell him pretty clearly because usually these conversations with the people pleasers start with, I just want you to pick up some more slack and you have a picture in your head of what more slack is. and he gets a picture in his head of what more slack is and those pictures do not match. So let's just be, let's be specific.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Let's be very specific and find a moment where you can be grateful for the things that he does do. And these conversations always help with a spirit of gratitude, a spirit of curiosity, not judging, not, I can't believe it. It's just about invitation. And then if he says, I'm not doing any of that stuff. Now you have to deal with the actual gaps in your marriage, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Hopefully he hears you and says, I'm all in. I can't wait to build something new in 2025. Thanks for the call.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Tell me if I'm out to lunch, man. And, dude, I want to honor you in this moment. Like, this isn't an easy phone call for you to make, is it? No. Okay. I want to tell you, like, if you were here, I wouldn't say anything to you. I'd just give you a hug for a second, okay? I know this call's hard. You got three kids. You're a good dad. You're a good husband.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And you also have that nagging feeling that you've probably had for 13 years. Like, I don't know what I'm doing. Is that fair?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
How much money do you all make a year?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So is it a glorified hobby? I'm not asking that in a mean way.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Okay. But, I mean, she makes $6,000 a year? Oh, yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So the, the quickest thing, the quickest way to get out of survival mode is you have to have a, you've been running, think of it this way. You've been running for, um, Or you're a paramedic, so I've run the streets with you guys a little bit.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
You know how annoying it is when a colleague from another department shows up and is just yelling, kind of running around like crazy without a direction, without a set of orders, right? Yeah. That's been your life. And so the thing you have to have more than anything else is a, a direction and a goal where you and your wife actually want to end up.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And by the way, it feels like the end of the world. George and I talk to people all day long who don't have bipolar 1 who blow through $20,000, $30,000, $40,000, $50,000 in credit card debt. And so $20,000 making $100,000 a year, $105,000, you're going to be able to pay that off real quick.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And then you can have a plan to get there, but you don't have that. You just been doing the next right thing for 13 years. And now you're almost 30 years old. You got three kids and you're like, oh gosh, we don't have anything.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Right. And so, again, going back to, this is the magic question that transformed my marriage. Actually, it didn't transform it. It kept it from falling completely apart. When my wife asked me, what do you want this house to feel like when you walk in the door? And that led me to go to counseling because I was such an anxious mess and I had to deal with that.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
That led to us getting our money squared up because I was tired of being anxious about it. My wife had to go do her own work. And so like your wife just deciding I'm so anxious now, I just don't do anything for two weeks out of every month or whatever, 26 weeks out of every year. That's insane. That's madness. She needs to go talk to somebody and head straight into that anxiety.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And you, you're making good money and probably you told yourself since you were 16 years old, if I could make six figures, all my problems would go away. But you're missing half your life. And so maybe 85 is a better number for you where I can be with my family.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
right or she's working y'all built the whole thing hopefully you didn't take out a whole bunch of loan on it to or take a equity line of credit to build the thing in the backyard but dude she could work at starbucks for six hours a week and make six thousand dollars a year right you know what i mean and so it's just a matter of asking where do we want to actually go what do we want this house to feel like
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Right, right. And you have felt less than for a long, long time. And I just want to tell you, dude, the odds you're getting somebody pregnant at 16, that A, you stuck around, that B, y'all stuck this out, that C, y'all aren't in abject poverty. You have beaten every statistic against you.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I've got to get this figured out. No, no, hold on. Before you do that, I want you to exhale and say, I've done some good. Right. Okay. You've done some good. Now tell me, you're 35 years old. What do you want your house to feel like?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You've been thinking about everybody else for 13 years. What do you want your house to feel like when you're 35 years old and you walk in the day after your birthday? What do you want the house to feel like?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
That's your survival mode talking. That's your scarcity world. That's the childhood you grew up in.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Let's flip it around. What do you want your house to feel like? In my house, you know what I want? I want it to be filled with laughter.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I want my wife to be happy that I'm home, which means I have to exercise. I got to go deal with my mental and emotional health. That means I got to help around the house. I mean, I got to be an active participant in my house. I want my kids happy that I'm there, right? Not just because I buy them crap, because they like me. Yeah, absolutely. And they know that I'm a safe person, right?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So I think that's the exercise, and I want you and your wife to get away at the turn of the year here and ask yourself, what do we want this house to feel like? And then hang on the line. I'm going to send you – George and I will send you Financial Peace University. We'll send you the EveryDollarBudget website.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I'm going to send you a copy of George's book, Breaking Free from Broke, that will walk you through step by step. I'll send you Dave Ramsey's bestseller. Gosh, I just lost the title. Total Money Makeover? The book that built this building. James is laughing in there. Total Money Makeover, the OG book, right? I'll send you everything because I want to support you guys and walk with you.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
But you guys have to get away and say, okay, what does this house have to feel like? And then you'll have to head into these things that you've been scared about. I don't know anything about money. We got you. I'm worried about your anxiety. We're going to go see a counselor. I'm worried about the kid number two. We're going to go meet with the teachers.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
We're going to go head into these problems in 2025. No more avoiding. We're done avoiding. I'm proud of you. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Well, they traded Tucker, so I'm still kind of bummed about it, but we're moving on. So what's up, dude?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Artificially. You used some great big words in that sentence. That was fantastic.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Do you have savings that you can go pay them off today?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So at $104,000 a year, can you get onto a local credit union and take out a loan for $4,000? Or $5,500 and get them paid off?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Yeah, but your future casting problems. What if you just simply said, I'm going to take my two VA checks for five years, and that's going to go straight to the house? That's $450,000, right? Wow. Yeah. It's $80,000 times five. It's $450,000. So the house is covered. Now you and your family have to struggle and scratch and claw to live off $190,000 with no house payment.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I don't know how y'all will make it, but surely y'all can figure that out. Wow. I didn't look at it that way. You see what I'm saying? Like you just cleared every one of your problems. You have a guaranteed income that will vest your house before, and vest is the wrong word. It's just the word I'm using. It will clear your house before the arm reset. You're done. It's guaranteed money.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
It's not going to go away. Your salary will probably fluctuate. You're 190. Hopefully it keeps going up, but you can't predict five, 10 years from now. But good God almighty, dude, that puts you in the tip, tip, tip top of earners in America to take care of your family.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And then delete their number out of your phone. And block it. And block it and delete every app off your phone.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
You're going to have a huge house, a nice place, and a great salary, and you're not going to have new Tahos, and that's frustrating.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And retired military guys aren't supposed to drive Camrys. We all know that, but you know what I mean?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
You need to give 10% to your local church and you need to give a little bit to here and there. And right now you need to make sure that nobody's going to have to give to take care of you in 30 years. Gotcha. You know what I'm saying? You're a good, good man.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
But, I mean, I think, yes, tithe your 10% to your local church and be generous where you can and help out. And what did you do in the military, brother? Electronics. Okay. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
domestic or overseas or both oh both okay yeah I was gone I don't know six years out of 22 do you um tell me if I'm wrong dude but I feel like I hear it on you do you have that sense of why me sense of what that sense of why me why am I the one who's got a good house and my parents are still together and we're living by them and I got a good marriage and my kids are healthy and I make great money why me
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Hang on the line. I'm going to send you Financial Peace University. We're going to get you hooked up and I'm going to send you the EveryDollar app. And I would love it if you had an accountability partner who also you could connect to the EveryDollar app and y'all could review budgets together. Or if you bought stuff, it shows up and they can see it too.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Thank you. I want you to hold your head up high. You're in a good spot. And you've got to where you are because you're good at future casting. You're good at predicting what comes next and kind of solving that problem. You give me entirely too much credit.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Yeah, but you learned this magic thing. You learned this magic thing called intuition, which people think is some kind of voodoo. Intuition is just I screwed it up a bunch and I see it coming again, right? And you work hard and you're good at what you do.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
There's a fine line. Yeah, exactly. You're clearly good at what you do, but there's a fine line between future casting and anxiety and worrying.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
so like uh like spoiler alert yes your cars are gonna crap out they are so just start planning now spoiler alert you got 80 000 guaranteed tax-free income coming every year and as a taxpayer i'm honored to get to pay it for the work that for the parts of your life you gave up to protect my family dude i'm all in on that pay your house off with it call good worry about other things later
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
What up, what up? It's Dr. John Deloney from the Dr. John Deloney Show with some amazing news. The latest episode of United States of Anxiety is available right now exclusively on the Ramsey Network app. This docuseries follows real people from my show as they embark on a 90-day journey to transform their lives, and I personally walk alongside them every step of the way.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Okay, now, here's a sneak peek of what the new episode is all about. And don't forget to click the link in the show notes to download the app. What's up, Kelsey?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
What does crippling anxiety mean? Paint me a picture of that. All right, so you ready to jump in?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So we're going to check in with Kelsey 30 days, 60 days, 90 days.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
She's experiencing things that really hurt a long time ago. Tell me about this boy.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And that might be a way that you can have mutual accountability with somebody. But all in all, man, you had a rough season. And by the way, if you've got trouble with gambling, go to a meeting tonight. Go to a meeting in the morning. Get on top of this stuff. But man, you are on the right track. I want you to dust yourself up and get up and go again. I'm proud of you. We'll be right back.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
It just feels like it would be exhausting to be Kelsey.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Whenever somebody's playing whack-a-mole with their anxiety, when it just keeps moving, that tells me the underlying system's not okay.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
One of two people that's supposed to never leave took off.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Your burden, that's right. To the one person who should carry it, all of it. Did you ever tell that little girl that it wasn't her fault?
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
You either have to choose to let this guy love you, or you gotta choose to let this guy go.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
And hey, I want to hijack this for one second. This is totally self-serving, America. Listen, my YouTube channel is at 997,000 followers. I'm 3,000 away. I want to hit that million mark before Christmas. Wherever you happen to be right now, if you'll stop and go to the Dr. John Deloney Show and subscribe on YouTube, just help me hit that million mark real quick. It'd be a Christmas miracle.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
That is self-serving. So thank you for that.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Nobody cares. I'm just kidding. It's fine.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
So if you want to give him a gift, hit a button that makes him feel better about himself. Hit the subscribe button. You're exhausting.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Do you ever play the lottery? Because if not, you should probably start.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
How do we balance it? It's like there's a great theologian who once said the worst part of being a Christian is that it's every single day. It's like you can't ever memorize all the book of Genesis and be like, I'm good. It's like, cool. Did you take care of the homeless on Monday? And did you take care of the least of these and serve the widows in your community on Tuesday? It never stops.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Or a guy cuts you off in traffic and you exhale and you pray and you say, I hope this guy gets to the hospital before his wife passes. And I didn't flip him off. And you're like, I'm becoming a better... Then the next guy that flips you out, you got to do the whole thing over again, right?
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And so same thing with exercise, same thing with diet, same thing with being a good spouse, same thing with your money. There comes a moment when it's like, oh, this is every day for the rest of our life. And if that's frustrating, welcome. It is for all of us, for me, for George, for all of us. Welcome to humanity.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I think you get through baby step three and there's this sense that, okay, now we don't have to think about it anymore. And it's like, no, you got to think about it for the rest of your life. And it just sucks.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
But you always have to be intentional.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, that's not even in the same plan. It is a $600,000 mortgage. I know.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, that was a real common thing I used to see. They've kind of curbed it over the last few years, but there used to be lines of students that come out and register for classes, get the loan check, and then cancel their classes. And it would just float them to the next semester and then float to the next semester. So here's the crummy part. You're not going to like our answer.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
You're going to have to work really hard and make a whole bunch of money to pay that stuff off.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
okay there's not i mean i know that sounds so annoying i remember one time in grad school i asked a guy who came in um and you've probably done this too is in a counseling class and um i just he was a professional had a big successful practice and i said hey um how do you make six figures as a counselor in the room kind of gas because you're not supposed to ask that question because it's supposed to be all altruistic and kind and
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, no. I don't know why she would be on this. It's just like y'all are paying for her dorm room. It just happens to be not a dorm room. It happens to be a condo that you as the parents decided to buy for yourselves. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah. And he looked at me and he said, you're not gonna like my answer. Just like I said to you. And I said, okay, go for it. And he said, you got to work really, really hard and you got to be really, really good at being a counselor. And you got to take clients on Sundays. You got to take clients at six o'clock in the morning because that's the only time they can get in there before work.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And you got to work really, really hard. And if you become very, very good at what you do, people will pay you to, to come help them.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So I'm in Tennessee. Here's what you have to choose. You have to choose to not be typical. And so the typical counselor follows a particular track. And those are my friends. That's my community. That's my world. And so I don't hate on that one bit.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
But if you want to get your head out above the clouds, you've got to do some things that are going to put your head out above the clouds, which means you've got to do things differently. You've got to do groups. You've got to do early mornings on Sundays and late nights on Saturday nights. And you've got to do things that other people don't want to do. Or can't do.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
That's exactly right. While you're building your client base, you got to do other jobs. And not have enough arrogance to say, well, I'm a licensed counselor. I don't do Uber. You have to have the ego to say, I'm about helping people and I can't help my clients if I'm worried about how I'm going to get my bills paid.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And so I'm going to work like B-A-N-A-N-A-S all across the board and there's no job too small for me and I'm going to get it done. And what you'll find is you become an amazing therapist because you begin meeting clients where they are at 6 o'clock in the morning. I used to see clients 6 o'clock in the morning. That's the only time she could meet. And so I was like, cool, I'll be there.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Because what's going to happen is he's going to get mad or something's going to happen. He's going to quit paying. And a 21-year-old college grad is going to have a half-million-dollar mortgage. Yeah, she's going to get foreclosed on. She can't afford that.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So you're going to have a season where you're just going to have to scratch and claw and make it work. Because you're working full-time, you're doing a great thing, and you've got to get your internship hours just to graduate. And then you're going to have to do your 3,000 hours after that, right? After you pass your exams.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, but that's only at the agency. You're going to have to also see clients on Saturdays and Sundays and Monday mornings and Tuesday nights.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
That's what I'm talking about. You're going to have to be a, I love that you're getting the experience in the field at a treatment center. That's some of the best experience you could possibly get. I love it. Because you're going to get to interact with wealthy clients and clients that don't have any money. You're going to get to see everybody.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
You get to see how systems work and you're going to get to work with top-notch physicians and psychologists and crummy counselors. You're going to see everybody. That's fantastic. But yes, you're going to have to use every hustle move you've got to see any kind of client all day, every day. You're going to be exhausted. But you've dug yourself a $130,000 hole.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And so we're going to use all of your certificates, all of your extra things, and you're going to meet clients where they are all across the board. And you're going to work and you're going to work and you're going to work. And you're going to become very, very good. You're going to get this stuff paid off quick.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, everyone. Listen, we all have stories, the family and cultural stories that we were born into, the stories of the things that have happened to us, both the good stuff and the challenging stuff. And we have those stories that we constantly tell ourselves.
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And none of us can go back and change any of our old stories, but the world is waiting to see what each of us is going to write next. As we enter 2025, I encourage you to examine your old stories and be intentional about the new stories that you're going to write. And I'm not talking about making goals that are going to be long gone by February.
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Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I'm talking about writing new stories that will change your life and the lives of those you love for the better forever. And if you're like me, therapy can be a great place to explore the old stories and heal from them and begin writing new ones. If you're thinking about starting therapy, I want you to consider my friends at BetterHelp.
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Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, and you can talk with your therapist when it works for your schedule. You just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch at any time for no extra cost. So start writing a new story this month with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month.
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That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney.
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Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
man there's there's two big things here um and this is just me getting personal one i've got friends and and um colleagues out there in the affected areas and not even directly in the areas i do have some friends there but also in the peripheral right um and so i'm somebody i grew up in houston where there was natural disasters and so anytime there's a natural disaster i get i just it lights me up on the inside right i become a seven-year-old little boy who remembers um
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yikes. So the greatest gift you could give this young woman is to sit down with your daughter and say you need to go find yourself an apartment to live in.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
10 days with Hurricane Alicia, we had to eat on a camp stove. And I remember that.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, and the thought of being a dad and standing with my wife and my two kids and our house is burned. Like, it's just harrowing for me. That's number one. Number two, given the job that I have. The larger picture, man, is we have these challenges with regulators. We have these challenges with local ordinances that you can't do all sorts of things that would make areas safer to live in.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And we're driving out insurance. And at the end of the day, and this is a hard pill for all of us to swallow, a bank's not going to loan you money for a mortgage if it's not safe. They're not going to loan you. We don't want people taking out auto loans.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
They've got to protect it. So if you take out a mortgage, the first thing they ask for is you've got to have the house insured. And so this affects not only the people who have lost their homes, and it's just tragic. This affects all of us. And so I just a couple days ago, I sent an email to you guys and to Dave and like, hey, I'm worried about the state of the insurance market. Right.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And so, man, I'm glad that you put this thing together, George. This is awesome. Just to walk people through how do we what's happening and then what do we what can we do?
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Imagine if you had a cheeseburger stand and the cost of beef quadrupled on you and your local government said, you have to charge this for a burger. Well, then you can't sell burgers, right? So, like, I never thought I would say this, but I've... I understand the business of insurance.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Like if the government's saying you can't do this and the government's not doing the things for the infrastructure to support if there is a fire break that breaks out or whatever challenges, then you can't do business there, right? It's a mess.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
As everybody should be doing, by the way.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Of course. Or if you're on the coast, right? If you're in Florida, you're in Texas, you're on the coast, and there's an increase in frequency or an increase in intensity in storms, Yeah, you're going to have to get additional riders if they'll even provide them.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Or they had them and they got canceled on January 1 or whatever rumors are floating. I mean, it's a mess.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Can I say this? We have a kind of an internal rule that we don't say, I told you so. This is one of those moments when we beat the drum over and over again. Don't have a house payment that's more than 25% of your take home because you never know when you're going to have to go get a new writer. You're like, dude, we are super exposed. We need to go get a fire writer.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
We need to get an additional policy to cover a flood. And because these 500-year floods are happening every year now, if 50% of your take-home is taken up in your house, you can't float that extra $600 a month or the extra $400 a month, whatever it might be. And so that's why we always say make it 25%. You might have to get a smaller house. But, man, when these things pop up, you have some margin.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And, man, we were just in a meeting, George, you and I and several other of our colleagues, and it actually made me – it gave me a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. They said that this particular service through Ramsey Solutions has been getting lit up. People are going back and checking their policies, and they're calling Xander.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
They're calling some of these brokers and saying, can we get some help? And they're getting the help that they need. So that's – whew.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So this is one of those things, um, I get pretty passionate. It's simply, um, and I've said it ad nauseum, so I won't continue to beat the drum too much, but I've just sat with people who have lost a spouse, um, and they're older and they look at me and there's a very particular hollow look in their eyes and they'll say, I gotta go to work on Monday. Or I don't know where anything is.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And so I beat the drum about you gotta have a will, you gotta have a will. Please hear me beating this new drum, all of us beating this new drum, go check your insurance coverages today. Today. And get term life insurance.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And if you're a voting member of your community, find out about infrastructure and resources. Do we have water? Do we control burns? Do we take care of some of these things one times you're good so that, not if, but when things go sideways, we're going to be okay. Because, man, you don't want to find out standing at the end of your block when the whole block, I mean, just.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So we call that financial infidelity here. And there's no reason to think he's going to suddenly start acting with character and integrity on these exact same matters with other people. He's just looking for the next victim. You left.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
That's right. And if you find yourself in a position where you're in Vermont, you're in Texas, you're in some place, and your family's safe and you're doing well, see if you can get online, if you can find some places where you can give and be in support of our brothers and sisters out there in California who just lost everything, man.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Put some skin back in the game. That's right.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, but you have to get off in this young child.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So here's exactly what's happening. I'd be willing to bet – my truck's not very nice, but I'd be willing to bet my truck this is what's happening. They're a humongous bank. One teller either is screwing with the system, but more than likely he made a mistake, he or she made a mistake. And they doled out $3,000 to the wrong account. Fine. Not there's no person at a humongous bank.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
It's all automated. And I can almost guarantee you that whatever email address your husband signed up on that account 15 years ago, whatever, he's got emails from that bank that were automated and just cranked out. Or he got letters that he just didn't open because he knew he had $100 in that account. Everything on those big banks is automated, automated, automated, automated.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Even the refund check that accidentally got automated to you guys. And so, A, stop doing business with a big bank. That's why I like a bank. I was texting my banker today, right? I like that. I like having their cell number. And I'm an old Luddite when it comes to that kind of stuff, but I like knowing the person to call.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And like George said, you guys are wasting way too many brain calories on this. You don't need to get an attorney. You need to dispute it with the credit report.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, they will. You're just dealing with a bunch of zeros and ones. You're not dealing with people. But here's the thing. I'm going to go back. Companies make mistakes. Big systems make mistakes. That's why we tell everybody, check your stuff every month.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And the old address... We or your husband says he did.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
It's just computer on computer and a humongous bank that's worth $2 trillion. They're just going to write it off. It's not worth, they've done the actuarial table. It's not worth their time to mess with $3,000. They just peg your credit and they write it off and they move on.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Well, he can't force her into this. Yeah, that's predatory. Tell your daughter, please don't do this.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So here's the deal. Can I flip this whole thing around for you? Sure. You're awesome.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
You started digging into some challenges and you drank the Ramsey Kool-Aid. Welcome to our cult. We're going to hook you up with Financial Peace University. You and your husband can watch that. We're going to pay for it. And we'll hook you up with every dollar app that y'all can share together. And y'all can start keeping track with all of your money. So hang on the line here.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
We'll get you hooked up. But let's flip this whole thing around. Wow. Y'all caught a $3,000 error and the bank's trying to fix it for you. That's amazing. That's awesome. You're getting back on the right track. So I'm glad y'all started digging into this stuff because now we're on the right path. Focus on the future. This is The Ramsey Show.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
We were at a meeting earlier and someone's like, who still says toll free? I don't think most of the people on this call. I think if you're under 30, you don't even know what that means. Here's what it means. That I paid per text when it came out. Like you got this many texts a month, and if you sent one extra text, so you could get a text from somebody you're dating like, but do you love me?
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And then that next text costs you like $30 because you'd gone outside of your text. Honestly? To call somebody not in your zip code, you had to pay for long distance. I had a long distance card.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I know. But listen, listen, you're looping on something you've already made a decision on.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
No, calls are free. Human to human connection, free. Text message, you have to pay $8 per text. Then we'd start, stop getting this, yo, what up, how are you? Emoji, George liked this text.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
All right, today's question comes from Kimberly in Washington. When I was a child, my parents stuck out a whole life insurance and a Gerber grow-up insurance policy on me. Together, they're worth about $50,000. I'm 28 now, married with no kids, and my father is handing off the insurance payments to me to assume now. Aw, what a great gift. Hey, I bought this thing for you.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Like you just telling yourself the story again about one other time he screwed up and one other time he screwed up and one other time he screwed up is a choice for you to be miserable right here in the present. Don't do that anymore. What you can do is affect what happens tomorrow. And you can sit down with your daughter and say, this is a bad deal financially.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Now you get to keep paying on it. Now that you're older, you don't have any kids, so you could pay. But now it's sentimental.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
The squished up pears in a jar with your face on it. So insane. These monthly payments added together are around 40 bucks every month. I don't know what to do with these. My husband and I are currently on baby step two and easily able to afford these payments. I just don't know if they're worth it. GK, what do you say?
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I know, but it's so, the warmth and the memories.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I don't know how these work. Is there a diminishing like so if it's a $50,000 payout, if she cancels it and takes whatever cash is in there.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And also, I'm feeling more and more now, George, on my show, we got some data that this particular Christmas, jillions of people are canceling their families. Like, so-and-so voted the wrong way or so-and-so made me... Listen, that's a whole other show.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
But Kimberly, on behalf of your dad, I guarantee you that when your mom found out she was pregnant and told your dad, your dad got excited and he wanted to think about your future and he went and talked to his insurance person. He went and talked to his...
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
You're going to be attached to a $600,000 mortgage. Your father, who you love and is your dad, I'm not going to talk bad about him, but facts are he is not skilled in financial matters. And so I'm going to tell you as your mother, please do not attach yourself to a $600,000 mortgage to somebody, especially with somebody who is pressuring you to do something that you can't afford.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
his retirement person and that guy or that woman gave him this advice and he did the best thing that he was told to do so he's a good man trying to take care of you when you were born that's awesome and now that you've got more information and you've got different advisors in a couple of knuckleheads on a podcast now you know something different so good for your dad for looking out for you when you were young I wish he'd gotten some different advice but he didn't and here we are let's go make the next right move and high five your dad for loving you this far
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And one more double click. Yes, Xander's the sponsor of the show. More importantly than that, Xander's who take care of my family, my wife and kids, George's wife and kids. This is who we use in our house. I trust these folks, and I know them on a personal basis, and so I like standing behind them.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Hey, Sam, I'm going to ask George a question on your behalf. Is that cool? Sure. So George, if you have $500,000 in a traditional and you're going to do a backdoor Roth and roll it. Do they take the taxes out of that $500 or do I need to have a check that I can write the cash amount? Do you get what I'm saying?
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
This is not a mom and dad. This is a math problem.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So that $500 is going to go $500 to $500, but I'm going to have to write a check for the taxes. So they're not going to just pull it. So the conversion, when you get to $500,000, you're going to have to have a chunk of money. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
But they're not going to pull up from what's being held.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And you can tell her, you're a grown up, you can do what you want to do. I will be with you. You can call me when this thing goes sideways and you can smile at her.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Here's what I love about this. This is where America gets to meet the Dave that we know. And we know, and he would never say this, on the show, Dave's like, oh, you know.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Dave is like Good Will Hunting. And Dave has explained. He solved the formula on the board. To me, how bond rates are. I remember I've been around academics my entire life. Some of the smartest minds on the planet about a singular sliver. And I remember listening to one of his explanations on a whiteboard. I was like, I don't know what he's talking about. So here's what I love about it.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Everybody on the internet is just like, you need to do this and this and this. And if you poke one centimeter into their bull crap, it just turns to ash. It turns to dust because it's not real. They have no substance behind what they say. It just sounds good because it gets clicks and views. That's exactly right. Dave has lived it.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
But not only that, he could show you how the math works and all the things he does. Sounds like he's just ripping it off the cuff. He's not. And so, unfortunately, over the last 10 years, Dave's advice has kind of gotten dumped into in certain platforms into just another swipe up. Right. Just another Instagrammer who's. This is him going, I call.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Or you can say, you make 50 grand a year, go get an apartment. I know you're the mom and you love her and she's, what, 20 now?
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I'm telling you exactly how I do it and why I do it. And here's the math. And it's astounding.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
This is the biggest event we've ever done. We want you to go deeper.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Awesome. I love it. I love it. I love it.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
That's wonderful. So why do you need a couple of dudes' advice on this?
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
21 now. So you're in that weird, awful bum slash really awesome transition where you get to stop telling her what to do and you get to just sit down across from her at a diner and say, I'm going to try to use the power of influence. I love you. And here's what I would do. Or here's the, here's the things I've done and it was wrong. And so here we are.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Okay, before we give you the numbers, can I ask you one personal question?
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I'm going to ask you a question that you're not allowed to answer, and so I'm going to ask you to be brave on account of the millions of new moms who are listening to this too, okay? Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
often there's an identity crisis when it comes to, I used to be a professional, I had this, I really, I had a great career, I found a lot of purpose in that career, but I really wanna have a family, I wanna have a baby, and then I have this baby, and you tell yourself a story, I'm gonna do this, because I'm gonna really wanna do this,
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And then you have this baby and you're at home for a few weeks and then the creeping or a few months or a few years and that creeping, I really found some purpose at work too. And then you get in this, there's an entire ecosystem designed for one thing, to make moms feel guilty so you have to buy stuff. But then you say or think the words, I kind of want to go back to work.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And then it's like, oh, well, if you were a good mom, you would stay at home all the time. Or I can't believe you left your job. So tell me what you want to do. Forget the numbers for a second. If you could, would you just want to stay at home forever? I would love to stay at home with my baby.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, dude. E-I-E-I-O. Get the farm. That's awesome. But so this is a math problem.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Okay. That super helps me. All right, great.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And can I tell you, Amanda, unfortunately, you are in a moment in your life where there's not a move you can make where you're not going to feel guilty. Or that someone else won't judge you for it. That's the world you're in right now. And so if you can exhale, like George just said, and do what's best for y'all. And I want to high five you.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
You worked three years like maniacs to get to this exact moment when you know what you can do? Whatever y'all want. Whatever you want. And just knowing, oh, if I go back to work part-time, I'm going to feel guilty for leaving my baby. And if I stay at home, I'm going to feel guilty that, quote, unquote, I'm suddenly not a breadwinner, which is silly. I don't have marketplace value.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have existential, like, your value is astounding. But you're going to have a feeling about it. And so you're going to have to practice doing the next right thing for a season. Also pick up my buddy Nia Ruck, R-U-C-H. She has a new book out called The Power Pause, which is about this exact moment for when you're staying at home and you're crafting a career after that.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
I haven't read it yet. It's been sitting on my desk, but the reviews are astounding. It's called The Power Pause. Pick up that book, and you might not feel so alone after reading through that. George.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Well, she's a kid who's grown up being a people pleaser because she had to.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Look at you shouting out Dr. Laura.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And the only other thing I could tell you to do is to ask her to just run the numbers with you.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
He works hard on his hair, and so it's just not a good thing to put in the survey.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And let me just say this, George, to all the, not to you, but to all the parents out there, if you ever, ever, have to go tap the credit, pull a credit card out in your kid's name, sit them down and try to convince them to use their success, their wealth, as a pawn in some scheme you're running. You're a scumbag and you need to stop. It's your child. It's your kid.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Yeah. And I guess to free you from any existential dread you have, If you had bought this house and it was the greatest move you ever made, it's still okay to sell it. If you're all ready to move and you want to downsize, move to an apartment for a season, knock your lights out. Right. Yeah. So either way, I think there's a lot of emotion in it, George. And it's like, I feel like I'm quitting.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
No, man. You learned. You learned. No one to quit. We thought we were going to be house flippers and we hate this. And so we want to back that thing up and get out of this. Awesome. Knock it out. Go do it. Love it.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So you have $15,000 non-mortgage income every month? Right.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So Laura, I can hear it in your voice. You need to be a part of this. Because your household is running without you, but you're responsible for the fear and the stress in that house. You get what I'm saying? Right.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So before you do anything about HELOCs and that kind of stuff, you got to sit down with your husband and say, as your wife, I am scared every night I go to bed because I don't know the state of things. And if he's a good New York husband, he'll say, I got it. It's under control. It's fine. And you have to have the courage. And hopefully he's got the courage.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And you have to say, I need to walk alongside this thing. I need to be with you. This is us. We're in this together.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
If you want to do stupid stuff with your money, if you want to do stupid stuff with your character, nobody can stop you. This is America and you're an adult unless you don't break the law. Don't drag your kids into this stuff just because you have an ego. You can destroy them with you.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Sometimes people make this kind of money and they think they don't have to pay attention. And then you look up.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
You got to pay attention, right? You got to pay attention. And this is literally a six-month problem, and it's all gone. It's all gone.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
And then, hey, I want to ask George a question on your behalf. Is that okay? Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
So George, we often say on the show, you need to do this, you need to do this. But sometimes I think people hear that as you need to do it all right this second. So tell me if I'm crazy, but it sounds like in this particular family situation, they've got this goal of paying off the house.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
They got this goal of fully funding these 529s and they want to invest 15% and another family value that they've put on the table is we want to go to a single income. Right. So might it be that over the course of this first year, we're going to just knuckle down and suck it up and we're not going to have a ton of extra money.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
But the goal is mama and baby full time at home, seeing how this thing plays out. And then we begin to maybe husband can work a shift or two extra. But then you start to get a sense of this is our reality. And then you begin to say, okay, I'm going to pick up some other shifts. Or maybe when the baby turns two, then we can do some part-time stuff.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
But it feels like you don't have to do it all at the same time, especially when you're trying to navigate. We just brought a baby home to the house.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
But I think it's important to sit down and go, okay, if we don't, it's four years of no movement. Is that worth it to us? And if it is, four years of we can only go on one date a month.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
Right. And Lane Norton always says everything is a trade. Everything is a trade. So it's really important that one person stay home. It's really important that we homeschool the kids. Cool. Is it more important than a vacation? Because if y'all make that intentional trade, you don't wake up in five years and go, we never go on vacations.
The Ramsey Show
Are You Ready To Go Scorched Earth on Your Debt?
You wake up in five years and say, we made some sacrifices because this stuff mattered to us. And I think it's that lack of intentionality and that lack of understanding. There's just ceaseless to this thing.
The Ramsey Show
Money Isn't the Problem—Your Behavior Is
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The Ramsey Show
Money Isn't the Problem—Your Behavior Is
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The Ramsey Show
Money Isn't the Problem—Your Behavior Is
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The Ramsey Show
Money Isn't the Problem—Your Behavior Is
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The Ramsey Show
Money Isn't the Problem—Your Behavior Is
I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too.
The Ramsey Show
You Have To Mentally Take Debt Off The Table If You Want Financial Peace
Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance. That's a gut punch. For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them. Me too. And they don't know what to do next.
The Ramsey Show
You Have To Mentally Take Debt Off The Table If You Want Financial Peace
Terrifying.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And it boosts your immune system too because a house full of guys is disgusting. Absolutely. Just kind of as a general rule.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
I agree. But good gut instincts, brother. You're on your way, man. I love it. It's awesome.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Can I tell you what I think? So what's happening? Our culture has told us if you have a disagreement with someone, you have to hate them. If somebody believes strongly about debt and you believe strongly about borrowing money, then inherently we have to hate each other. If you vote differently, if you want to go to this church and I want to go to this church, we have to hate each other.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And it's so nonsense. I know he's from Toronto. The whole American exchange, the whole idea of the United States is... You believe this, I believe this, and we're going to figure out a way that we can both live together and move forward. So, man, people like your parents, most of the time there are evil actors out there and there's morons out there.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Most of the time a mom and her dad sits down and gives their kid what they think is the next best right step for them, period. So you don't have to hate them and you don't have to do everything that they say all the time, especially when you're a grownup. Now, if you're 22 and you still live in mommy's house, and you're borrowing Mommy's car, then you're going to do what Mommy says.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And if Mommy says be home at 10.30 at night because I'm uncomfortable with what's going on out on these streets because I watch tons of news, then you have a choice. Be home at 10.30 or move out, right? But that's the world we're in.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
So, golly, dude, if you can make peace with people who just have different thoughts than you and then go do what's the next right move, especially, I love what he said, my guts are telling me this is the wrong thing. Follow your guts, man. It's just the wrong move.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Oh, Canada. There you go. On behalf of Americans, they don't have that much money either. But so you're doing a great job there. But I think getting beneath that is the only way I've heard and or seen it be successful, which is I don't want, like you firsthand know the turmoil that's been going on in the Canadian government over the last few years, right? The last few days. Of course, yeah. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
To your girlfriend. Years, yeah. I'm nervous and scared about any entity, the government, a bank, a car dealership, anybody owning me and you.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
This is about safety. This is about, I want to have a family with you, and I want us to control our destiny. I don't want a bank to tell us that you can't stay home with the kids. I don't want a government to tell us that we have to leave our house. I want us to be completely free. And that's a different conversation than the ROI.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
You have a friend who had coffee. He's like, I'm thinking of starting this company called OpenAI. You got 50 grand. So congratulations, dude. That's awesome. So what's your question today?
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
So Alan, I want to ask George a question on your behalf. So if Alan had called the day before he sold those single stocks and spread it out, would you have told him sell the single stocks and hold some money back and just stick it in a brokerage account for buying a house and whatnot?
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
In a retirement account.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
So the fact that it's locked up now, that means it's going to have those massive tax penalties. Exactly. Attached to it. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Amazing. Okay. So, Alan, I'm going to ask another question to George on your behalf. So, basically, he scratched the lottery ticket and won. And he took all that money and dropped it in a 401K. He has a million dollars in retirement. It's going to double every seven years-ish. Would it be okay for him to pause retirement for a year and a half and pay off his house?
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
George and I get calls all over the world about, well, I've got a 2.7% mortgage, but a 5%. I don't care. I'm going to start with freedom. I don't want anyone to own my family. Yeah. And if she says, screw you, you know how good of a deal we can get on a suburban, then you all have a deeper relationship challenge, right? A huge one, yeah.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
31. Yeah. So here's the, as the guy on the back end of my forties, here's what I'm hearing by 33, you can have a paid for house more than a million dollars in retirement and a brand new spouse. That's a huge win. You're way ahead of the game, my brother.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Figures, Jefferson. She's taking care of the baby, and you're talking on the phone with your friends. Figures. She is listening. I'm playing.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
You can't pay that off, Jefferson. That's against the law or something.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
You blew it. You blew it. And when you spend $30,000 a year in interest income, you're not going to be able to deduct $12,000 off of your taxes.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Thank you. Thank you.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Thank you. This is for you, dude, but it's also for everybody listening. It's really important that a future husband and wife, a current, you know, like just a partnership, right? Two people who are married.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
their values are aligned but dude beliefs will change all over the place my wife and i believe different things right yeah that's why we read different books listen to podcasts like i want my beliefs to always be challenged and always be changing it gives us stuff to talk about when we go on dates but our values are aligned and so maybe a fun exercise for y'all too is like
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
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The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
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The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Going into marriage, by the way, they'll change over time, but going in, what do we value? And if you start with, as for me and my house, I'm really going to value being free. Nobody's going to tell me what I have to do. I'm going to be able to control my destiny. And I want me and my wife to have that, to share that. Who could, who can disagree with that? Right. Yeah. No, it's true.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
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The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
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The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
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The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
But what you're doing right now is you're playing ping pong in your own mind and you're making yourself bananas and you are worth having a peaceful life. So have the hard, real, honest conversation underneath it all. Talk about values and then you have to have your or what statement. What are you going to do if she says, I'm not doing that? That's your call, brother.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
It's a good way to put it. And then she'll give you some values. And then from there, you can get into the belief stuff. And belief is where the fun fights and the fun no ways and the fun like, oh, you changed my mind. That's the beauty of relationships that I love. George and I believe different things. He believes that there's a Sasquatch. I don't think there is, but he does, right? Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And so that's awesome. But both of us value like hanging out as friends. And so that value is going to override any silly beliefs either one of us have, right? Okay, that's awesome. Values are different than beliefs, and so good for you. Yeah. And tell me your age again and how much you have saved up.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
You need to get a new financial advisor because that's an advisor that's not looking out for you because I can't think of a better thing I would want for my son or my mom and my dad. And so both sides of my question, then a paid-for house that nobody can take from them.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
But I want to hug your father because he gave you the right advice. Son, don't ever owe anybody money. He's probably spent his whole life having to make payments on stuff, and he sees an opportunity for his son to be free. I'm not even playing, dude.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
My SmartVestor Pro, when I had money in a high-yield savings account, I had money with him, and he said, hey, take this and go pay off your house because I have a financial advisor who is invested in me doing what's best for me and my family, not for making himself rich. I'd get a new guy.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Do you dispose of bodies? What do you do? I'm a heavy-duty mechanic. Close enough. Hold on. You can't make that kind of money doing heavy-duty machinery stuff. You can only make that kind of money if you're a physician. Is that true?
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
I'd go to Ramsey Solutions, SmartVestor Pro, go check that out and get with somebody else, man, because this guy's looking out for him, number one, you, number two.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Put that in the budget, dude.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Yes. And then you can start putting money into retirement savings. You can be insanely generous to that exhausted waitress that, or that's bringing y'all dinner when y'all went late that one night. Like you, it changes how you do everything.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Yeah, you don't have to live there either. It's been fun. Y'all are young, and it's been cool living by the beach. And now maybe you move, take that $500,000 and get yourself a four-bedroom, three-bath house that you don't have to move from when you start having kids, and it's going to cost you $300,000 in another state somewhere.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
But y'all can do whatever you want to because you don't have a house payment. Go build a table for your new house, man. You've earned it. And get a new financial advisor. Ramsey Solutions SmartVestor Pros. Go check them out.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Oh, my goodness. Hunter, you're making a whole bunch of listeners, like millions of people, very uncomfortable.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
All right. Today's question comes from Travis in Utah. Travis writes, I'm about to purchase a new home and have well over 50% saved for my down payment. Should I use all of it for the down payment or keep a portion out to add to my retirement investing? I can afford to put less down and still make the monthly payments.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Because right now they're watching a lot of news thinking that everyone else is going to save their problems. And then there's guys like you. It's like $8,000, game on. Good for you, brother. I'm proud of you, dude. Thanks for the call. It's an honor that I got to talk to you today.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And the only question I would have for Travis is a huge temptation I had, especially getting going, and that is I look at all of the money I have saved, including my emergency fund, including anything in a high-yield savings account that might be for college, it's not in a 529, and money for a house.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And so it's so easy to look at a $300,000 house, and between all those accounts, I have 150 grand saved. I'm going to put all that in there. So my only hesitation would be, This is 50% saved for down payment above. You still keep your emergency fund. You still got cash there.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
You still go ahead and put cash aside for how much it's going to cost to move because you're going to hire movers to come over and help you do all that kind of stuff. Save a little money to get your electricity turned on because some people want a month's advance. All those things add up. Furniture. Furniture. Whatever those things are. Selling costs. And then put everything down.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And there's also millions of fathers of 22-year-old daughters who are like, no, no, Hunter, before you marry her, here's my daughter's number, right? You mean you're going to be a person of integrity and you're going to work real hard and you're committed to a household of freedom for the rest of your life.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Can I ask a personal question? This is a personal question. Did you grow up with money? No. When you say no, do you mean was money a big struggle for you?
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
I didn't grow up in a single-wide. We grew up in a small house in a suburb in North Houston. I did not have that level, but I just remember money was so tight. It was such an anxious thing all the time. And the story that I told myself was, when I make a certain dollar amount, everything will be okay, including how I feel about myself.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And what you're finding is the Uber Eats, the not budgeting, you don't want, you make a ton of money and you don't want the quote unquote hassle of having to think through it all. And I get that sentiment. That's the story you've been telling yourself your whole life. And what I want to tell you is, bro, I want you to have peace and I want you to have freedom. That's what we're solving for here.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Okay, that could be a fun. So I'm going to put $5,000 of my $125,000 in an account. If we ever go to get an apartment and we don't have a place to live because we don't have a credit score, that $5,000, we're going to put it in the budget that month as spend-a-thon.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Not another Uber Eats night. Hang on the line. We're going to send you Financial Peace University and every dollar premium to get you going. You make way too much money to be this stressed. And we're going to set you free if you'll just follow through, my brother. Thank you so much for the call.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Hold on. Before you even speak.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Good for you. High five to you for saying it like that. The story I'm telling myself is this. At least we're operating in reality. Good on you. Okay, so what were you saying?
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
All right. Hey, your glasses are not rose colored, so fair enough. So in two years, you make the last payment and you own this thing outright?
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Okay, so two things here. I have to say this. I think you may be complicit in tax fraud. So I have to just say don't do that. But you're doing it anyway. I just feel compelled to tell you. If this whole ship goes down or the government finds out they've been making side money on this deal and they take the house, you're going to be in a mess. Or if they know. Anyway, so that's number one.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Number two, I hear a secondary question. Should you just let them continue to be your bank after this? God, no. The second you can, I would take out a mortgage and end the business relationship with my aunt and uncle.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
and then deal with a bank because it's already so sketched and again I don't want to talk bad about people who aren't in the room right but you've got a couple who was so bad off they had to enter into agreement with they're so bad with their finances and that they had to enter into an agreement with the U.S. government and the government said you can't make any extra money and
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And then they're doing something shady under the table with their nephew.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Can everybody just recognize? It's not so much about living outside the system right now. The system as we know it is being taken apart brick by brick right in front of us. So you're going to be on a different train. I want to be on a train that I'm driving, not that I get thrown in the back of because there was no other options. That's right.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. And so I've got a couple here who's not good with money, who kind of does things under the table. If they don't sit down the month before you clear this and say, hey, the house is worth $240 now. We're going to up the cost of this thing. I would be stunned. I have no problem being wrong. But my goodness, man, you are dancing with the devil.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And I would want to end that as soon as possible. Let them go back to being aunt and uncle as soon as humanly possible.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
My guess is they're sending a threatening letter, basically. If it's the first one she's got, unless she's got been served papers, they're just sending her a threat letter.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
She's got the cash. She can settle it. But short of that, then it's begging for a payment plan.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
How have you tried to explain it? Like role play it with me. How have you tried to teach your girlfriend or to talk to your girlfriend about the way she thinks about a problem is wrong?
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Yeah. So I'm wondering, George is the finance guy. George knows way more about numbers and money than I do. My first response to that is maybe, right? So maybe, like just number for number. So if you get a car at 7%, maybe you can put it in the market and get 8%. So maybe. But that evaluation doesn't take into consideration that the value of that car goes down every day.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
And the market return may be lower. So I think a couple years ago, I'm trying to remember off the top of my head, but I think my whole thing went down 17%. Last year, it was up 24% or something like that. That's cool if I'm looking at a 50-year play, right? Or if I've got this stuff in the market for 30 years.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
If I'm holding a four-year car note, that's horrifying because the one consistent that never changes is that car payment is due every month. No matter what. You get what I'm saying? So it sounds to me, tell me if I'm wrong, your parents just want to stop sharing a car with you.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
This is why I'm confused. Don't be confused. Here's this. Your mom and dad have whatever algorithm they've worked out. They think it's the best, and they're probably trying to love you in the best way they know how. It's all good. They're not bad people. They're not bad people.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
The reality is the best thing I can tell you is at my house, in George Campbell's house, in Dave's house, in Jade's house, we write a check for cars. Almost always, unless you're Dave, almost always used cars.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Okay. It's going to take you about two years, you said?
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
So you could have a car in five months. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
So you are making, I don't want to over-gender this, okay? You are doing it exactly the way I would have done it at 22. which is I would have sat down with a spreadsheet and said, look how old I am, look how much money I am. And by the way, can I just, George and I high five you? You're doing incredibly well. 99% of Americans don't have as much money as you have in the checking account.