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Chapter 1: How can I manage a partner hiding financial issues?
Hi, how are you? I called in on the show just to try to see what kind of help we could get and guidance in regards to my other half has been hiding some things financially, and I'm having difficulties with that and trying to get to communicate with him to resolve so we don't lose our house.
What happened? Is this a new revelation?
Well, he's always not been real good with money, but, I mean, he does try his best. And even though we're just engaged, we don't have our finances together. He pays his things on his own, and I pay things on my own. We've never really sat down and gone over our finances with each other, but it's just he's got himself in a predicament.
Well, but hold on a second. I asked you this, and you kind of feel like you went a different direction. I asked you, is this a recent revelation that he's not been honest with you? I love that your finances are separate. They should be. That's exactly what we would tell you if you asked us that. You aren't married yet.
So my question is, is this something new that you have found out, and how did you find out?
Well, I have to say yes and no. I know he's not been that great with money, but to this extent, it's new. How I found out, I'll try to keep it short, but you know how you have you connect with your vehicles, and I was pulling up in our driveway from running Aaron, and his phone actually connected.
He was on the line with, I guess, some loan agent from his loan company, and I heard something about a forbearance or a deferment. And so I sat in the driveway and tried to listen as long as I could. And then the call disconnected. And then I came in and went downstairs and confronted him. And even though I confronted him on this, he still continued to lie about how far behind he was.
Okay. All right. Well, that's all. Thanks for sharing that. That helps Jade and I in trying to encourage you because this is less about him lying about the finances. This is just about him lying. So we've got money problems, and you guys are about ready to tie the knot. When is the big day?
We haven't really set a date, to be honest with you. I've been comfortable with just the engagement the way that it is, and I just – I want things to be more stable. All right, so how can we help you?
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Chapter 2: What to do when raising grandchildren affects your finances?
We have a few times, yes. It's been little conversations and when it kind of gets a little bit more heated, we step aside a little bit and take another day and then sit down and look at it again so we both don't get so upset or he doesn't feel attacked or any more ashamed and he says he feels like a failure and...
Okay, so you guys are talking about it. And it kind of does. I mean, can you can jump in here. It does kind of sound like what I would expect a situation like this to sound like because contrary to popular belief, money stuff is not a light switch. Like it doesn't it's not one conversation and over.
it does tend to spread into many conversations that have a life of their own because the truth is there is, he has made a mistake. I'm not trying to sugarcoat that, but there's a lot of shame around the choices that people make with money. And so it can take a while to really be able to talk about it in a way. And I think what you're saying seems right.
You talk about it a while when it gets too hot and heavy, you cool it down, come back to it later. What you're describing really does sound Like you're on the right track. And what I would be listening for is as long as you don't feel like he's still hiding things, then I think that you're on the right track.
And this is just something that you guys are going to uncover and it's going to be a continued journey.
Yeah. However, I agree with all of that, but I think this ought to be premarital counseling.
Yeah. Yes.
Because you actually need a professional coach. who can help you navigate his feelings. His feelings are very real and as a result, very powerful. In other words, there's a lot of shame. What I heard is he has shame and he needs to know that you aren't judging him. He needs to know that you aren't holding an ultimatum over his head, but that you don't feel safe because of the way he does money.
And this is about us judging. Moving forward, having a healthy and prosperous marriage, not what you've done now or what you're dealing with. I'll help you. I'll dive in going forward. Hey, babe, I'll handle the finances and you don't have to worry about it because it's my thing. It's my jam. Like that has to be facilitated through a real marriage pro. And I could not recommend.
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Chapter 3: Is it wise to use savings for a dream vacation?
Okay.
$847 a month. Now, is there a way to get out of that? Because that's going to be a revolt. Like, you're going to be in that forever if we don't get out of it now. And that's a lot of money.
Yeah, it's another year on it. You can't get out of it? I don't know how.
Okay, that's your homework. One of the things that I want you to do getting off of this call is to find out how I can get off of this because this for a whole another year is a lot of money. I'd rather you just go over to Walmart and make it happen for $847 in one month than to continue paying this. How much furniture does that include?
All the beds, the couches, the kitchen table, it includes everything in the house. I had to get something, so this is how I did it.
And then after the year, you'll own it?
Yes. Okay. It's $5,229 total to pay it off.
Okay, keep going down the debt. What else do you have?
I have... basically that's all the debts is the furniture bill and the credit cards. And then my stupid butt got some payday loans. I'm going to work on the, what do you own the payday loans? $2,400 total, $1,320 a month.
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Chapter 4: How can I handle being upside down on a car loan?
No, it's not going to push me from that. I'm moving out in July. I'm moving out to a college town not to go back to school. That's just where I want to live. It's going to be Laramie, Wyoming. And, you know, that's where my expenses and rent fits and where I want to live.
All right. So listen, I'm going to preview my talk. On the Ramsey cruise. What talk? What's it about? I'm about to tell you. It's the answer to why he's calling it.
Okay.
My talk is for decades, Davis said, live like no one else. That's the baby steps.
Yeah.
So that later you can live like no one else. And then he eventually added and give like no one else. Right, right, right. Okay. But living like no one else, the crux of my talk, because all these people on the cruise are baby step four and higher. Facts. Okay. Is don't get to the end of your life
After you're doing all this hard work to live like no one else and not actually live like no one else, which means when you're 24 and debt free. Come on. Going to Japan for four grand because you can. Yeah. And you come back with a great experience and no stress. That's living like no one else.
Is our talk the same? Because I feel like I'm talking about the same. I'm talking about being in your spending era. And my guy, my guy is in his spending era.
I'm not talking about the money part. I'm going to say on the other side of all this hustle. Now we go from intensity to tensionality. And let's talk about the regrets of the dying. I'm going to share the regrets.
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Chapter 5: Why keep a $1,000 emergency fund during debt repayment?
Was there. OK, but I also know you. You're probably one of the most principled convicted people I know. And that's a compliment.
Yes.
So what changed is was it something that Sam said? What made you finally go? And I know you just kind of said it, but there had to be something before that.
not having that extra little bit of money when unexpected things come up, I just felt like we were taking two steps forward, one step back, just going very, very slowly. And I just remember one time just being like, pull the car over. We've got to figure this out. And when we did that, we kind of looked at the baby steps and it was kind of like an audit. It was like, okay,
what are we doing versus what the steps tell you to do? And what we found is there were a lot of inconsistencies and the thousand dollar emergency fund was one of them. It was like, okay, you're supposed to have a thousand dollars. We didn't have that. When you budget, you're supposed to have a cushion line item. We didn't have that.
Cause I was like, zero dollars, zero, zero base budget is zero dollars in the account. I felt that. And so these are the things that we do, especially when you have a lot of debt, especially when you're trying to go quickly, you kind of think, ah, that doesn't apply to me. And all you see it as money that you could be spending. But I'm telling you, Catherine, do the thousand dollars.
Very personal answer there, which is powerful. You felt her.
I did. And I also understood the third part of this, which is if you've never... So many people struggle with saving. If you've never been a person who has had savings or you've never been able to make it stick, right? You put it in and then you pull it out. It feels like you'll never be able to do it. But if you just...
Take that money, you set it aside, you put a lock on it, you will find that savings is a muscle that you build. And you're probably right now just, you don't have any muscles. And so you have to just work at it and you get stronger and stronger and that becomes something that you do become good at.
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