Sarah
Appearances
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Also was kommt da auf uns zu? Ich habe einen sehr guten Artikel gelesen bei Winning by Design von Jakob van der Kooij. Und was super interessant ist, da geht es natürlich um das Thema AI, was uns natürlich extrem beschäftigt, weil wir einfach in diesem Space gerade mega unterwegs sind. Und die Prediction ist, in 2025 AI won't just assist people, it will replace them.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Und er hat das ziemlich krass formuliert, aber ich finde es, Super interessant, weil wir uns natürlich auch, glaube ich, wie jedes Unternehmen gerade überlegen, wie wir auch intern unsere Prozesse optimieren.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Wir machen das ja bei unseren Kunden ganz stark, aber wie können auch wir, und ich breche das jetzt mal runter auf Pre-Sales, unsere Prozesse verschlanken, optimieren, unterstützen und dazu eben KI nutzen? Was vielleicht ganz interessant ist, es gibt da ein super Research Paper oder ein White Paper, was er publiziert hat.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Und da geht es um das erste Principle, dass die Buyer-Seller-Asymmetrie halt komplett umgekehrt ist. Und das ist auch dementsprechend der Fall. Wir merken ja mehr und mehr, dass einfach unsere Käufer gerade im SaaS-Bereich einfach viel mehr wissen können, auch schon viel mehr Vergleiche herangezogen haben, was Software-Vendors angeht.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Und ich meine, mit ChatGPT und anderen Tools kann ich über ein super Prompt Engineering mir eigentlich eine Tabelle erstellen lassen, wer was wo wie im Markt anbietet, was die Differentiators sind. in welchen Märkten gewisse Softwareunternehmen unterwegs sind, wie jeder Einzelne mit Datenschutz umgeht.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Das heißt, das Thema Research, bevor es überhaupt zum Kauf kommt, ist jetzt wirklich nicht mehr mehr auf der Education-Seite, also bei uns als Anbietern, sondern natürlich auch auf der Kundenseite. Das ändert vieles. Das Legacy-B2B-Geschäft wird eigentlich dadurch über ein modernes B2B-Geschäft abgelöst. Und jetzt muss man sich natürlich fragen, wie geht man damit um?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Ich glaube, die Frage stellen sich gerade ganz viele. Es gibt auch so eine ganz gute Statistik da drin oder auch eine ganz gute Tabelle. Da geht es darum, dass man sich diese Faktoren People, Process und Systems anguckt und quasi von einem People-centric auf einen Process-centric Approach umsteigt und eben guckt, wie AI eben Prozesse unterstützen kann.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Und nicht so sehr sich darauf zu fokussieren, wie kann AI People oder Leute unterstützen. Mit Co-Pilot können wir heute schon E-Mails vorschreiben, wir können uns Zusammenfassungen generieren lassen, wir können uns ganze PowerPoint-Decks in Canva und KI erstellen lassen. Aber ich glaube, hier geht es eher darum, wie wir auch unsere Prozesse langfristig verändern können.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Es ist ganz interessant, wenn man sich die Go-To-Market-Funktionen anguckt. Dann sind wir am Ende des Automatisierungsgrades. Soll heißen, es ist unheimlich schwer, Solution Architects oder Sales Engineering zu automatisieren, weil es natürlich eben wahnsinnig individuell ist, je nach Kunden-Use-Case. Und daher sind wir
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Im Automatisierungsgrad relativ weit hinten, klassisches Outbound-Calling, wie die BDS das machen, kann mittlerweile, und wir sind ja gerade auch in dem Feld unterwegs, das ist zwar nicht unsere Spezialität und unser Fokus, aber Outbound kann eben, desto besser Gen-AI zusammen mit Conversational-AI eingesetzt werden kann, kann auch das schon in Zukunft vieles ablösen.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Das Generieren von Quotes und Commercial Assets, gerade im Product-Led-Growth-Bereich, ist sowieso schon weitestgehend automatisiert. Das heißt, da kann man wahnsinnig viel auch über AI schon ablösen, wenn man sich das mal überlegt. Je individueller es wird, desto schwieriger wird es für die KI, da natürlich anzusetzen. Aber...
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
GeneEye und auch der Einsatz von Small und Large Language Models bietet natürlich auch wahnsinnig viele Möglichkeiten, in Zukunft autonom Entscheidungen zu treffen, auf fast humaner Ebene zu handeln und nicht nur Muster zu diskriminieren und zu analysieren, wofür KI eigentlich in der Vergangenheit eingesetzt wurde. Von daher super spannend, soll für uns heißen.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
James Marsden
Und was ich damit mitgeben möchte, Kernaussage ist, klar, jeder beschäftigt sich gerade, wie kann KI People und Menschen unterstützen? Stichwort Co-Pilot und auch bei uns Demo Automation. Welche Tools kann man da zur Unterstützung einsetzen? Aber man sollte sich auch Prozesse anschauen und wie KI Prozesse verändert. Das ist quasi die Kernaussage hier.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
I switch colors kind of every day. Love it. It's so cute.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
Yeah, it is. We are expecting freezing rain tonight.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
So it's about 4.11 right now. 4.30, it'll probably be pitch blackout.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
It's not really for me either, but I suffered through it for some of the other benefits of this place. That's fair.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
I do. Yeah. Sorry. Don't break it. I'm very nervous. Oh, don't be nervous.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
I just opened my Instagram and like literally first post was Dax. Then it was Monica. Then it was armchair. I'm like, yeah. This story happened in March of 2017, but the background goes a bit before that. So I was living in an apartment. I had been there about one year. It was just me and my dog.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
And one day I'm out for a walk a few streets away and a man came running up to me and he introduced himself. He said he had just moved in across the hall from me and he recognized me. So he wanted to come say hi. And that was fine. It was like a couple streets over. So that was a bit weird. But for the next year and a half, there was no issues. He was neighborly. I'd run into him occasionally.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
He'd pet my dog. He'd say hi through the door to my dog sometimes. I didn't know much about him, but I did pick up a few bits over time. So he was in his late 40s. I don't think he worked. So I do believe he was on like a social assistance program. And he had formerly been an engineer, which is just something that came to the back of my mind for later.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
He had mentioned an out-of-town boyfriend, and he'd sometimes be gone for a few weeks at a time to go visit him, but I never saw the boyfriend come our direction.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
Ottawa has a million people, although it's a spread out city, but the area I was in was fairly dense. Anyway, so then fast forward to about six months before the event in March, and I am starting to notice some odd behavior and it continues to escalate over the next several months. So like one thing, like his hair was perfectly normal and it started to get just wilder and wilder.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
And like by the end, it was just bleached blonde and completely unkempt and crazy and
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
oh wow i started to notice that i was running into him more frequently and then it ramped up to being like almost every time i left my apartment that i'd be running into this guy it felt suspicious i'd go out and then he knocked on his window to like wave to me through the window i was just starting to feel nervous it's now early february and i had mentioned to my mom like i
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
I think I might start looking for somewhere else to live. I'm just getting like a bad feeling, but wasn't super urgent about it. And then one night in early February, there was an incident in the hallway. I was in my living room and the walls are like paper thin. So I could hear everything in the hallway and the police showed up. It was not a peaceful situation. Lots of yelling.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
I could hear physical struggle out there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
And at one point, he started doing a religious chant in like a foreign language. And it sounded almost like speaking in tongues. Oh, God. Oh, wow. He was like white French Canadian. Yeah. So for about half an hour before the police did take him away, and I was leaving for a trip the next day and would be gone for a week. I was like, okay, when I get back, I'm looking for an apartment.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
But then when I came back from my trip, he was nowhere to be seen. So I definitely had like a sense of relief about that. But I also kind of lost my sense of urgency. A small aside, during this period that he's away, I was also talking to the office of men about another issue. And she had asked me about him one day. And so I started telling her what I'd been noticing.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
And she told me that she actually had to start screening her phone calls because of him. Because he had been calling her 20 to 30 times a day. Oh, no. March 1st, he came back and I just had an immediate sense of dread. Like, oh, why did I waste this time? And he was away and not get out of here. And again, I took my dog out, got in and I went in as quickly as I can. So I shut my door.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
But then 15 seconds later, he knocked on my door. Oh, fuck. And I knew he had just seen me come in, so I like answered it. But he was coming to apologize for the incident that had happened in February.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
And he explained to me that his nurses had been changing his medication and it had been setting him off and that he had made comments about self-harm, which is why the police had showed up that night. And he had been in the mental health hospital in Ottawa. But then he proceeded to say, if anything happens again, please don't call the police on me. Please call the medics instead.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
But he then proceeded to go on about a birthday party he wanted to throw in May. It was going to be his 50th. And he wanted to rent out my apartment to do that.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
So that he'd have his apartment and my apartment. Oh my God. And I was like, well, no. And then he's like, well, it's fine. You can lock your bedroom door.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
It's fine. He's super pushy about it. I'm like, we'll talk about it closer too. But full well in my brain, I'm like, I'm not going to be here anymore.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
Then March 3rd, I was out at a concert with friends. I was not driving that night. I had parked at my friend's house and she was driving and driving me home after because the next day I was going back to her place anyways for a birthday. So I didn't have my car that night. The potential was there for me to drink, but I was not drunk. I had two drinks over the course of many, many hours.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
By the time I got home, it was almost 2 a.m., maybe 1.30. So again, my dog had been by himself for a few hours. So I go let him out. I'm coming back in, and he comes out of his apartment. So he kind of blocks me from my way in. And he was very, very clearly high on something. He was super giddy and high energy, jumping around. He was going from topic to topic.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
At one point, he started serenading me. Oh. It was just wild. Like, I didn't even know what to do. And then he drops on me that earlier that day, he had been planning to bomb the building. Oh!
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
He was telling me, and then he shows me sitting right in his doorway the supplies he had bought to do it. Oh, my God. The thing that sticks out in my mind is, you know, those propane canisters that you'd use for like a torch. They're kind of narrow, about a foot tall. There was about a dozen of those.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
And again, remember, he was an engineer, so he probably had to know how to do that. But he told me then he had changed his mind because he heard my dog whipper and decided he didn't want my dog to get hurt. So that's what made him change his mind about it and that he was going to return the supplies the next day.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
At some point during this whole conversation, he heard... handed me a stack of journals. There was like six or seven of them. And he asked me to hang on to them. He said, you can read them, but please don't give them to anybody, especially not the police. And then finally, another neighbor on our floor came out and was like, why the hell is there a conversation happening at 2am?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
So I then slipped into my apartment and locked the door. I had no car. So I completely panicked. I read a couple of pages of the journals and then I slammed them shut. I was like, this is too invasive. I can't text my sister and be like, do you still have a spare room? And then I just shut down and went to bed. I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
So then the next day I was just blocking it out. And my friend came over, I finally told her and she's like, we need to have get you out of here. You need to call the police. But my concern with calling the police was that I'm going to call them. They're going to deem him not a threat.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
He's going to know that I called the police on him when he three days ago just told me, please don't call the police, call the ambulance. Yeah. I have to get my ducks in a row and then report it. But they talked with sense into me like, what if next time nothing stops him? There is other families in here. So I packed up a bag, took my dog, left, called the police.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
And they did exactly what I expected. Showed up, deemed him not an immediate threat. And then left. I'm done here. I'm not. living in this apartment anymore. Luckily, I have good parents who live nearby. So I was able to go there and I emailed the office admin again, be like, remember our conversation about this guy? This is what happened. I don't want to live here.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
I'm paid for the month of March. Can I just break my lease at the end of it instead of the regular 60 days we have to give in Ontario? So they let me out of it. My parents and my brother and sister and one of my friends came, helped me load up my whole apartment in two hours as
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
quickly as we can while we were there he did knock on the door and ask if i was there my dad and brother answered i was there but they said i wasn't he said i apologize i hope she's not moving because of me then he asked for his journals back and we passed them out the door that was the end of my bomber neighbors did you ever find out anything more about this i mean the notion that someone else just moved in i know across the hall i really hope he got
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
some help and was able to get stable medication or something. I'm glad these programs exist that some people who need help can get social assistance on housing, but I never want to live.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
the part i was like well he did have the materials and again i was like maybe that's on me that i waited not quite 24 hours but 20 hours maybe the supplies had been removed by the time the police showed up but i know he was known to the police obviously he had been taken in by them three weeks prior we're frustrated with this also imagine how frustrated the cops are there's nothing really they can do they just got to keep responding to these people but there's a whole protocol probably everyone is extremely frustrated
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
Right. He hadn't actually committed a crime yet. You're allowed to own those propane cylinders and whatever other materials.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
Yeah. This time he decided, oh, he likes my dog and he didn't want him to get hurt. But I'm like, what about the little baby that lives upstairs?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
Oh, scary. Yeah, it's kind of my thing, though, shutting it out and ignoring it for a while.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
I'm not quite in Tallmakers, but I do now have my own house in a suburban area.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Neighbors
Thank you. Monica, I just finished reading your day one gift guide, and you're such an incredible writer. Oh, thank you. And Dax, I saw the little mouse that you drew.
Good Guys
Celebrity Spin-the-Bottle and Bieber on Ice?!
How do I balance my hormones? I'm always tired in the morning. I'm worried that I can't get pregnant. Do you ever wish someone could just tell you what to do to get your health to the next level? You know, whisper some magical and trustworthy support in your ear and never make you feel shame for not having all the answers. Well, that's my job. Hi, I'm Dr. Sarah Zoll.
Good Guys
Celebrity Spin-the-Bottle and Bieber on Ice?!
My new podcast Treated is going to help you take your health into your own hands. Each week, you will leave with the tools that you need to heal your mind, body and soul. Join me, Dr. Sarah, every Wednesday on Treated.
The Deck
Gwendel Greenblatt (6 of Diamonds, Florida)
I just was closing up my house and I threw the kids in the car and drove down there. And by the time I got there, the police, everybody was there. And they're like, you can't come in. It's a crime scene. I'm like, that's one of my best friends. So they're questioning me. And I think I must have said, what did he do to her or something like that? And they're like, who are you talking about?
The Deck
Gwendel Greenblatt (6 of Diamonds, Florida)
I'm like, oh, my God, calm down. You know, I'm traumatized at this point already. And I said, her husband. And they all look at me. They're like, she's married. And I'm like, she's separated. And then I saw them bring her out and they were still they were working on her. And all I could see was the side of her head like almost gone. And so I'm like, cover her up.
The Deck
Gwendel Greenblatt (6 of Diamonds, Florida)
You know, they're trying to save her life. And I'm like, cover her up. She was such a private person, very modest. You know, and here I'm thinking, oh, my God, we're going to laugh about this in a couple of hours when you get back to your room at the hospital, even after seeing her. You know, you still think, now I'll talk to you in a little while.
The Deck
Gwendel Greenblatt (6 of Diamonds, Florida)
And I said to the cop, tell her I'm here, tell her I'm here. And the cop started to say to me, well, I don't think she's going to know.
The Deck
Gwendel Greenblatt (6 of Diamonds, Florida)
We were on the phone. She was getting more upset and more upset. And normally she could just handle her calm. And finally, I could tell she was really upset. And then she started crying. And I said, what happened? And she said, I just, I can't take it anymore. And she said, I just, I told him I was going to go to the attorney. And I said, what did he say? And he said, I'll kill you if you do.
The Deck
Gwendel Greenblatt (6 of Diamonds, Florida)
Yeah, he made his own key. And he would sit there in the dark and wait for her to come home. She'd turn the lights on when he'd be sitting there.
The Glenn Beck Program
What Trump MUST Say in His First Address to Congress | Guest: Carol Roth | 3/4/25
No, I have not.
The Glenn Beck Program
What Trump MUST Say in His First Address to Congress | Guest: Carol Roth | 3/4/25
First of all, I'm in love with the packaging. Right? Isn't that crazy?
The Glenn Beck Program
What Trump MUST Say in His First Address to Congress | Guest: Carol Roth | 3/4/25
You're lying. These aren't bamboo. This cannot be bamboo.
The Glenn Beck Program
What Trump MUST Say in His First Address to Congress | Guest: Carol Roth | 3/4/25
No, no, nothing like that.
The Glenn Beck Program
What Trump MUST Say in His First Address to Congress | Guest: Carol Roth | 3/4/25
Hi, Glenn. What I'd like Donald Trump to address is something that Carol Roth and you were talking about with inflation. There are Americans out there that they're rich. There's Americans out there that are middle class and you've got your poor. And somewhere in between the gold standard and the dollar going away, there are going to be millions of Americans who are going to drop in the cracks.
The Glenn Beck Program
What Trump MUST Say in His First Address to Congress | Guest: Carol Roth | 3/4/25
And we're going to be left penniless because there's a lot of us that have no savings because of what Biden did.
The Glenn Beck Program
What Trump MUST Say in His First Address to Congress | Guest: Carol Roth | 3/4/25
And there's no way for us to invest in gold.
The Glenn Beck Program
What Trump MUST Say in His First Address to Congress | Guest: Carol Roth | 3/4/25
It's a small town. It's called Rock Mart. It's growing. But, you know, I'm 59 years old, blind and I'm a diabetic. So all of my money goes to my medical expenses.
The Magnus Archives
The Magnus Protocol 32 - Restructuring
Hier sind Laura und Sarah von 15% unserem neuen True Crime Podcast. Dort behandeln wir jeden Mittwoch einen Fall, in dem eine Frau zur Mörderin wurde und befassen uns mit der Frage nach dem Warum.
The Oprah Podcast
Amy Griffin Confronts Her Darkest Secret in “The Tell”
I have four daughters, and thank you for sharing your story. It touched me really deeply and terrified me with the statistic that you shared that one in three women experience sexual violence. I have a very open relationship with my girls, but it definitely prompted me to sit down with each of them and have a— How old are your girls? 11, 14, 18, and 19. Mm-hmm.
The Oprah Podcast
Amy Griffin Confronts Her Darkest Secret in “The Tell”
And I sat down with each of them and had a conversation. After reading the tale? After reading the tale. This is Amy's story made me sit down with my girls. And at different levels, shared your story with them and talked to them about how this happens and that people can be groomers. And as we had the conversation, they looked at me and said, well, that would never happen.
The Oprah Podcast
Amy Griffin Confronts Her Darkest Secret in “The Tell”
I would never let that happen. And I thought, okay, this is where I'm stuck. And this is where I ask you, what would the safety valve have been? What would you have wished that you had had that could have been your trigger to be safe or that someone could have said to you? Because here are my girls thinking this can't happen to them. This would never happen. I'm too smart for that.
The Oprah Podcast
Amy Griffin Confronts Her Darkest Secret in “The Tell”
But it sounds like you were also and you had loving parents like I see myself. So I'm curious what your reaction would be.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
Well, okay, so I'm 65 years old. I only have $41,000 in retirement. Sue, I'm having a real problem with your phone.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
Okay. So I fell for the lovely money trap of taking out a lot of student loans and And I had 85,000 in my name and 50 were through parents plus loans through my parents. Now I did tell my parents, of course I would help them pay off whatever they put into their name. Um, so I've been working really hard for the past eight years and I paid off all of the student loans that were in my name.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
Um, so I have no debt legally in my name. Um, But when I went to tell my parents about it, like, hey, I know I've been throwing money at you guys for this every month, but I'm really going to start to focus on it. They kind of told me that they combined my loans and my siblings' Parent PLUS loans that they took out for them into one big student loans pot.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
So I was kind of shocked that they said that because I've been paying towards it. And instead of paying towards mine, I've kind of been paying towards everybody's.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
And at a point where like, I don't know what to do. You did not make an obligation. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
I've paid almost the full amount of it, like the four interest. I've been giving them $1,000 a month for like eight, almost eight years.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
They were at like 7% to 8% per loan, and it was two different loans.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
I know it's coming pretty close, which is why I mentioned it.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
They kind of just like dropped the bombshell, like, oh, well, this happened, you know, like to make the payment slower.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
Yeah, that's pretty much the exact scenario of, My siblings are not being able to pay theirs right now.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
I think it's going to be a tough conversation.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
Only because they've done a lot of other things for me, you know?
The Ramsey Show
Building Wealth Happens One Baby Step at a Time
And I will also add our mortgage. I've calculated out that once our kids are out of daycare that we're going to increase our mortgage payments, and I should have it paid off the year my oldest goes to college.
The Ramsey Show
Building Wealth Happens One Baby Step at a Time
Hi, thanks for taking my call. You bet. What's going on? So my question is, how much should I be contributing to my kids by 29? I know there's no magic number of what college is going to cost for them. But is there a point of, you know, you get $100,000 in there, should you be putting it in a high-yield savings account instead, just in case? Sure.
The Ramsey Show
Building Wealth Happens One Baby Step at a Time
So there's six and three. Okay. And my six-year-old, we have $15,000. sitting in his account at this point.
The Ramsey Show
Building Wealth Happens One Baby Step at a Time
Uh, and my three year old, uh, six uh,
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
I work in customer service at a chemical company. Okay. Excellent. Cool.
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
Yeah, we paid down about $4,000. She had $4,000 in credit card debt when I had her. Yeah. We got that taken care of before we got married and then did Financial Peace University.
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
financial literacy down in cincinnati for a couple years so i was familiar with with your books because the uh one of the local banks supplied us with a bunch of supplies from the financial peace stuff that i was teaching to eighth graders so i was familiar with it okay very then you said maybe i should do it yeah that would be cool yeah so sarah when when he comes in you go okay this is how we're gonna do this what'd you say
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
You know what? That's a good combo. It really is. That's legit. And we came back after the first class and she cut up the credit cards and that was it. Done. She ran business.
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
So I grew up, my dad has the same rake that he had before I was born. So for me, the money part of the problem wasn't an issue. I think there was just a lot of pressure from friends and family, not even intentionally in a bad way. But just like, oh, she does home health, like you need a nicer car, like just take out a loan. So just fighting that kind of stuff was difficult.
The Ramsey Show
Attack Your Debt Instead of Letting It Attack You
Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
All the beds, the couches, the kitchen table, it includes everything in the house. I had to get something, so this is how I did it.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Yes. Okay. It's $5,229 total to pay it off.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
I have... basically that's all the debts is the furniture bill and the credit cards. And then my stupid butt got some payday loans. I'm going to work on the, what do you own the payday loans? $2,400 total, $1,320 a month.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Hi, yes, sir. I'm 56 years old, and first of all, thank you for taking my call. You bet. I'm 56 years old, and I have four grandchildren that I am now raising. Oh, my. I was in a perfectly good situation before I got the kids. I had money in the bank. I was working for an airline, and I was doing really well. And I got the call, either come and get the kids or they're going to state.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Oh, no. Needless to say, I came back and I had to spend everything I had. Yeah. And I took the kids home.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
got a place as quick as i could because i i was i gave up everything to travel my husband passed away my husband i mean my mom passed away so it was like it was only me you know so here i'm gonna live my life and uh so i had to come back and i had to try to get a home i had to try to get the furniture i had to try to get
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
A lot. Walk us through that. I went from having $63,000 in the bank and was going to put more, you know, as I was traveling. But all that's gone because I had to get a lawyer. I had to get the house. I had to get furniture. I had, you know, and it was just, I spend it all. I get it. It's okay.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
i live in um georgia now um and when they called me i was in paris paris france paris france yeah but i was traveling yeah i didn't live anywhere she didn't have a home got you okay i was confused about that so now you're in atlanta how old are these kids these kids the youngest is six
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
um then there's eight-year-old identical twin boys and then a 12-year-old little girl okay okay she's got a ways to go now do you have full custody of them now and all that's settled so yes all that's settled okay all right and now it's all on me so i'm mama you know basically what are you doing for work you're not doing the travel agent thing anymore No, I can't.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
I was working with a local company and then they let me go. So I went from having around $4,300 in income down, I mean from $6,500 having income down to $4,300. And this is where I lost it. This is where I'm like losing everything because I don't have enough.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
I'm pet sitting. I'm doing pet sitting. I go to people's houses and pet sit. The reason I don't do a regular 9-to-5 type job is these kids are special needs. Oh, okay. Yes.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Yes, that is the reason why I lost my job. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Yeah. No other family. It's just me.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Four. Okay. They were born on drugs.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
A lot of medical and a lot of emotional behavioral.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Yes, that. Well, they do get Medicaid. Thank goodness for that. You know, that does help. But most of the money now, since I had to get a mortgage, it goes to the mortgage and I had to get, you know, the mortgage right now is off the chain. So what is it? What is the mortgage? I do a 6.25% now. And my mortgage is $1,748 a month. That's most of it right there. And is it a house?
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
That's just the mortgage. Yes, it is a house. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Actually, I'm in, like, southwest area of Georgia.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
I am, yes. I am like near Albany.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
It's worth $235,000 and I owe $217,000.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Credit card debt, I got several of those. All of them together is around $6,100. I pay $385 a month. Okay. Furniture bills, I pay $847 a month.
The Ramsey Show
Math Is Important but Behavior Change Is What Matters
Yeah, it's another year on it. You can't get out of it? I don't know how.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Excuses Steal Your Wealth
Hi, guys. Thank you so much for having on. So my parents opened up a credit card for me when I was younger in my name. So right now, the card has about $18,000 in debt. And I want to know what's the best way to go about paying it off. They've already agreed to...
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Excuses Steal Your Wealth
uh in november we had a trip um where they put about five thousand dollars in charges and then it's been open since i think i was 16 so i can't you know exactly point out who has what but i pay off yeah i pay off um every month like what i put on obviously i've stopped now just because we're trying to pay it off so there's no more charges going on to it but i want to know what's
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Excuses Steal Your Wealth
the best they've agreed to pay it off so they've put money on it but it's just 18 it just seems so huge to me who's the primary on it are you the primary and they're the cosigner or who's in charge of it My mom is a primary.
The Ramsey Show
Stop Letting Excuses Steal Your Wealth
Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll definitely do that. I just have one more question. I am worried about my credit. So when they take me off the card, will my credit be impacted? I don't want it to go down.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Hi, how's it going? Good.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Oh, thank you for taking my call. I prayed and God put you guys. I'm like, I'm just going to go to the top. I'm a pastor's kid here.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Yeah, I didn't know. I'm like, do I go to my dad, my brother, my mom? No, I'm just going to go straight to the top about money and call them. So thank you for taking my call.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
All right, I'll be fast.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
I just got through a pretty major health crisis that could have killed me. Major surgery. I think we stopped counting it. 17 hospital stays last year. Oh, my goodness, Julie. And then I had complications and was admitted four more times. Okay. The problem is my parents have taken on some of the medical debt, and we had to move in with them while this has been going on. Now we owe them $50,000.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
I don't know, about 16 months ago, we decided to do the...
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
financial piece you know the Dave Ramsey program and which I refused to do because you're running so much of my debt I didn't want to do it I'm like no it's dad telling you what to do but we paid off almost 28,000 already right and medical debt so it works and we have our thousand um in our checking account and we're doing snowball how much is left now
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
So now all that's left is my mom and dad put $50,000 on like 6% credit cards, and they're coming up to expire and go to 30%. They're afraid they're going to lose their house.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
And it was partially dental and cars. It was a little bit of... cars dental and medical those three things and my dad swoops in and helps big heart you know driving me to appointments and my husband's working just a lot of um a lot of love but we all agree we made a terrible mistake we should never combined it um and now here we are and we my husband um
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
We've been married 25 years, and he has never been sick, never been to the doctor, and he works a very, very dangerous job. There's been two deaths out at the plant in the last six months, and he fell with extremely high blood pressure and was put on temporary disability for six weeks. So he's struggling with his health, and my question to you is, this is where the rift is with my parents.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
He doesn't know why we can't move out, continue Dave Ramsey, which we have a track record of doing it, and be on our own. It's a lot better for him with the rotating graveyard to have a quiet, dark room. Right now we're in a small house, one little noise.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
My dad's like, if you move out, you're not going to be able to do anything. He wants us to do his plan. I want to do Dave's plan.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
My dad wants us to stay until the debt's paid back to him.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
We can. We can afford both.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Yeah, I'm 47, my husband's 51, and my husband's telling my father we have a meeting tomorrow. So this call is perfect timing. They don't talk about it.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Yeah, I think I'm part of the problem, maybe, because I'm so concerned about my parents. And I think my dad's living in the what-ifs. Well, COVID happened. It's not his life.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Well, my fear is because my husband, his blood pressure is because of the stress of the job. Just imagine an oil rig that I'd land. It's so dangerous.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Oh, I can take it.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
I don't want to lose my husband.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Yeah, he's here right now. He is? Yeah, you want to say hi to Jake?
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Hi, I'm excited to talk to my money heroes. How are you?
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
So my husband and I are in our forties and we're doing great for ourselves. We're maxing out 401ks and IRAs and we're paying off the house with double payments and we're kind of deciding, trying to decide what to do going forward. You know, once everything's paid off and exploring some options to help our adult kids.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
So one of the things that we thought about was encouraging them to save even more for themselves. And offering them the possibility of maybe, you know, if they put forth like a third of their Roth Mac for a year, would we double that, you know, and give them the other two thirds? And so I guess I just wanted to find out what you guys thought about that.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
They are 23 and 24.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Well, there's one that's doing a little better than the other. Employment wise, you know, money wise, and they're still learning for sure.
The Ramsey Show
You Have to Know Where You Are Financially to Know Where You're Going
Yeah, I do think that both of them would go do that if that was the intention, yes.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
So I have some guilt and pride around using child support money. So I was in an abusive relationship, and by the grace of God, I was able to leave when my son was about three weeks old. I met my now husband when my son was six months old, and he's now 12. Um, my husband and I had sat and talked and said, we don't want any money. We don't want anything. We want nothing to do with him.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
Well, the judge made the decision that it's not our choice and it's not our money. Um, it's for our son. So we were just putting all that money in an account. Um, we had some debt and, um, in 2021 I lost my job and we needed four walls. So we dipped into that account. And as of January of 2025, we are officially done with Baby Step 2. We are completely debt free. Oh, congratulations. Thank you.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
It's very exciting. I'm really happy to be there. But I have about $4,000 from that child support money that we said we'd never use. And I'm wondering if I should just pay it back like a debt and just keep going like if we were on Baby Step 2 or... the connotation of the child support money in the first place just kills me. And I don't know what to do about it.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
It was, originally it was until he was 18 and it was supposed to be $430. The only money that I've actually seen from that is the COVID money. I was able to get his COVID check. I didn't know that it was coming. My husband adopted our son when he was four years old, everything finalized. So that's when the child support stopped.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
But there's so much arrears that, I mean, I will still randomly get, like, a $12 check. Okay, so it's over, essentially.
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
That's what we were thinking. Just a car or something like that. Like I said, my husband's been around since my son was six months old. So my son doesn't know. He doesn't know any different as of right now. And eventually we're going to tell him. I mean, we have to tell him, but we're just not there yet. He's not
The Ramsey Show
Money Is a Tool To Create a Life You Love
Yeah, he's definitely blessed. My husband is literally a godsend, and he took him on like his own. And like I said, nobody knows. There's a couple people like family knows, but he doesn't know.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
Hi, how's it going? Thank you for taking my call. Absolutely. So basically, my issue is I am trying to figure out how we can budget our finances because my husband is a blue-collar worker on a commission-based... pay scale and we don't have consistent, um, um, income per year, but last year he made 161,000 the year before that he made 140,000 and the year before that he made 180,000.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
So I would say an average of 160,000 over the last three years. And we're looking into doing the baby steps and snowballing all of this fun stuff. But right now, currently, with our mortgage at $4,120, we also have a consolidation loan. Health insurance is $900 a month because through his work it's $1,300. And the credit card debt totals $127,000. Goodness gracious.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
What did you guys spend on these cards? I don't know. Well, it's been a combination of, like, don't hurt me, but I put my husband's motorcycle on my card because we were trying to get the points. I know that's the worst answer you could possibly want to hear, but so that's $18,000, and we have just multiple bills. He has...
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
$72,000 in credit card debt, and I have, not including that motorcycle, it's like $34,000. I put groceries on it. I've put property taxes on it because our personal property taxes... So where is your actual income going if you're using the card to fund your life?
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
Well, I'm guessing it's like... closer to 13 because that's the average though. That's the problem. Some months we'll have fantastic months and some months we don't. So like for instance if he has a bad couple of weeks or if he took vacation then he gets his hourly pay.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
Why is that motorcycle not sold? We went nowhere.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
Well, right. Yeah. Where is this motorcycle? Where is it? It's in the garage.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
There it is. Right. Well, I've run out of children to sell, but I definitely would like to do the snowball. But is there a way to negotiate with the creditors to help with the interest rate? I don't want to run away from this debt.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
I did. I did. We need to cut up all of our cards. I know. But I'm looking forward from here if we do all of these things. I just want to see. Sure. Call them. We could be paying for 120 years.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
Are you underwater on it? I don't know. I have not checked the resale value of it at this point.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
Well, this could be a totally different issue, too. He works really hard, and he doesn't... I think he works too hard to be this broke.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
I know. And I don't want to take something that he loves so much. He absolutely loves it. He's not going to love anything.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Financial Success: Slow and Steady
He is on board. I am the type of person, I'm a people pleaser and I want him to be happy. And I'm equating his happiness with his motorcycle.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Yeah. So thank you for taking my call. I have been an FPU coach for the last few years and my sister opened up to me about her financial struggles last year and I've been helping her work through the baby steps. She's paid about 10 K off now and has 50 still to go. But today she was served with papers being sued by one of the banks for not paying off her balance. So yeah,
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
I assume nothing really has changed. We're still going to have to negotiate with them, settle eventually, but wanted to get y'all's advice before I pass it along to her.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Yeah, so by the time she came to me, she had already stopped paying her minimum payments, so we assumed that one was going to go to collections, and we figured we would settle with the collections company, and then that's where she... We didn't have at the time the wiggle room in her budget to pay the minimum payment that they wanted her to.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
So now that's where they're coming to her and requesting that full sum again.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
About $22,000. What kind of debt? Credit card.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
The $22,000 is one credit card, one lender. She does have a debt consolidation loan, and then she has two other credit cards.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
she has three that have gone to collections, including that one, the credit card.
The Ramsey Show
The Baby Steps Break You out of the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle
Right. Does she need to lawyer up at this point or can she settle that herself?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Good. My name is Sarah. I'm 26 years old and I am struggling to connect with my teenage son.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So he's a teenager. He's in high school. Okay. And actually, he's not biologically my son.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Me and my husband took him and his sister in last year. So there's several layers to why it's difficult for me to connect with him. One being obviously, you know, he's biologically not my son. So I wasn't there to raise him or just build those connections early on. And then two, I've never had brothers. I have two younger biological daughters.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And so I feel like it's easy for me to connect with daughters, but I'm really struggling specifically with my relationship with him for a lot of reasons. And my heart's been hurting for him lately because he's really struggling with the transition of moving into our home and making friends.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Sort of. It's kind of a unique situation. They're actually related to me.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And they had no other options of where to go given their circumstance. The next option was going to be foster care. Okay. And I've always wanted to get into foster care and adopt since I was younger. And it just felt like me and my husband, we talked about it and we thought that that was the right thing to do. And we felt led to do that.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
and so we took them in last year and transition was pretty good you know they're great kids we love them to death and we see them as our kids okay um you know even though they're not biologically ours like when i talk about him his sister i see them as my children and they will forever be part of our family even when they're 18 and they're on their own like those are our kids okay so i'm just struggling there's a lot to learn with just having a teenager how long have they been in the household
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I would say things with her are a lot easier. I find connecting with her less difficult. And maybe that's because I can relate to her with just some of her, I don't know, just typical teenage girl struggles. I've been there, especially because it wasn't that long ago for me. I think, again, specifically why I'm struggling to connect with him is I didn't have brothers.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I don't really understand what it's like to be a teenage boy. And there's kind of friction between us because we have such opposite personalities as well. And so I just feel really bad because I know that I could be connecting with him better. And so I'm just seeking advice specifically from you two because you were a teenage boy.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Just what is it that teenage boys look for in their mother figures and like what not to do?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah, I can touch on that. So again, you asked how I'm doing with his sister. And I would say why I feel like I'm doing better with her also is we're just seeing more growth from her as well. We feel like we've made connection. We made breakthrough with her. She's done complete 180 from when she moved in. She was hiding in her room all the time. Now she's got girlfriends, a boyfriend.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
She's doing much better in school. She's putting herself out there. She has just this growth mindset. And I think Again, why I'm calling is we haven't made that same breakthrough with him. And I'm wondering if that's because of the lack of the connection there and if I'm maybe not understanding how to help them and best support and love him.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
But specifically behavior wise, he hasn't made any friends at school and he struggles with just some coping behaviors that we've tried to talk through. But we're not again, not really seen since he moved in. There hasn't been a ton of growth versus his sister. Uh, there's been a lot of growth and a lot of maturing and we're just kind of feeling stuck specifically me with how to reach him.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So that's kind of the behavioral thing is struggling to make friends. And then also there's, um, an inclination to substances and stuff like that too.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
For sure. Oh, yeah. A lot of that. And and I think me and my husband both recognize why he might be struggling with substances and making friends like it's pretty clear to us those connections and why he's struggling in those areas. However, again, it's more of how do we reach him and how do we help him and support him?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So part of the equation, too, is they had to move from their previous town, which was more rural, much more small. And we live in the cities and a lot of his access is from his previous location. That is where he gets access because sometimes we do visitations because he has family and older friends there. And in the summer we were bringing him there and that's where he would get access somehow.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And then there's just a fascination with it as well. Just researching ways to get it illegally, researching ways to get it as a minor. So he definitely has this draw to it. And again, me and my husband see it as, you know, those ties and connections to trauma and coping and learn behavior type things.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah. So over the summer, that was actually our first kind of gateway to getting him in the door with therapy because he was extremely resistant. That's another thing that I struggled to connect with him on is he is extremely resistant to growth in general. He's like, the past is the past. Like, I'm fine. You know, I don't have trauma.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And so when he first moved in, I encouraged him and his sister to like my family is really big into therapy. Like we think everybody should go. It's great. You can have a lot of growth, a lot of tools to navigate things in your life. But he was extremely, extremely resistant. The sister was not. I think that's also why she's made a lot more strides in growth and maturity. So that's been tough.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And then over the summer, he got into substances. He got caught. When he came back home, we said, hey, so one of the consequences for doing something you shouldn't is now you have no choice. You're going to go to therapy. So he is right now. But again, it's really hard because... His therapist would say, like, you have to help me to help you.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And it's been a constant theme of him not wanting to acknowledge one, that he has trauma to he's not acknowledging that he has areas that he can grow in. And for me, that's where the disconnect happens. And I don't know how to reach him if he's not willing to learn and grow and mature. And so that's kind of why I'm looking for advice, because I just kind of feel at a loss.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Sorry. I shouldn't have used the word connection. I suppose maybe like parenting style. Sure. Would have been more appropriate because, um, I just feel like I might be pushing him way more when handling these behaviors. So I guess it's less so connection because actually I, He's a little bit more different than I would say the average teenage boy. He's actually pretty attached to being my husband.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So yeah, you're right. The connection probably wasn't the right way to phrase it.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Well, he does like to do the video game thing.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
He is in sports. He's kind of miserable because he's I wouldn't say the worst player on the team, but he definitely doesn't get any minutes.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So I just feel like his life's pretty tough. OK, he just has no friends. He's not getting any minutes. And then he works a job part time that he just hates. So I just feel really bad because I just feel like his life.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Over the summer when he lived with us, he was working at this job, but he chose to give up a lot of shifts and kind of sit around. And his goal is to have a car and buy a car and pay for gas insurance and all those things, which we're super supportive of. And he kind of wasted his summer scrolling on TikTok, playing video games, giving up the shifts.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And so he kind of feels this sense of urgency because he gets his license soon. So, yeah, so he finds work to be important just for the value of saving money.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah. How do you balance that, though? Like you're saying, like, I agree, like, I don't really want him to have that freedom. But how do you balance that with, you know, we talked to him all the time about being responsible, you know, saving his money, because when he moved in with us, he spent all of it.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So now he's actually trying to do the right thing by saving money, you know, doing the driver's ed and all those things. So like, my fear is exactly what you're saying.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So that's the hard part. Cause we, me and my husband actually had this discussion. My husband's on the same page. He actually told me the other day, he's like, you know, what he needs is a little bit of a, just a picker upper by being good at something. Cause right now it kind of feels like he's getting beat down in every area of his life. So that's actually exactly what my husband said.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
But what we're both struggling with is He kind of doesn't have much personality outside of he's a really he's really kind kid. Like he really is. He's really well mannered. He has a really big heart. But as far as like gifts, passions, talents, interests, it again falls into that category of just he's kind of interested in escaping. And again, given his traumatic background, it makes sense.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Mm hmm. And, you know, he hasn't been under our roof very long. So again, like state stability hasn't been a thing for him. So we're struggling. How do you, how do you introduce those things to someone who just, his desire honestly seems like he just wants to numb out. Like that's all he wants to do. Like his goal is just to get home at the end of the day and just scroll on his phone and
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Uh, so it's just really hard to come up with ideas, especially because he really struggles with closed minded this too.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I think that's really good. That's a good call out, too, because I think that's an area that I struggle in. If I'm being honest, I'm a lot harder on him for some reason than his sister. And I don't know if that's because our personalities are so different and he kind of like, you know, in my high school experience, I was a three sport athlete.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I worked really hard, got straight A's, did all these things. I was like a busy bee. And he's kind of the complete opposite of that. And so sometimes I feel like, I'm doing exactly the opposite of what you suggested do, which was instead of like celebrating the little things I can be extra like nitpicky and hard on him because he is so different from me.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So I just think that's good advice and a good call out because like, as you were saying it, like just celebrate like the little things I'm like, Oh, here I am doing the opposite and kind of pointing out the little things that he could work on. And maybe that's where that kind of friction is happening between us.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Well, so he does do that sometimes though, like over things that are like, like we'll be playing pickup basketball and, And he'll like over celebrate. And is that a case where I do still cheerlead him, even if he's being a little overly cocky or I mean, in your face, it's not from what you're describing.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. That's a great call out. And that's really, really helpful.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Totally. Yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head. That's really good. And it's hard to find those times. Like for my husband, it's really hard since we have four kids at home and he's worked, works a full time busy job. It is kind of hard to find those moments to even bring them along because my husband doesn't get to have guy time that much.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So maybe that's something we can rediscuss, though, and try to make more of a priority.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah, I think it's more of a monkey fee thing versus me and my husband try to have a lot of like just sit down heart to heart. And that's been going nowhere.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah, yeah, it's really good. And I think you're right, it's going to take a lot of patience and a lot of like growing pains for me to personally, because again, it's, it's hard to switch from parenting, you know, two littles, like a toddler and a baby to getting in that mindset of just
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Listening like I feel like with little kids, it's a different approach of you're correcting them, you're teaching them and you're talking to them about all these things that they're learning. And then you switch to parenting teenager and it's a totally different game. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So I think that's probably where some of the growing pains are coming from my side for for like from a parent parenting perspective.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can tell he's craving it too. Like I was put in a situation yesterday where he showed me his background. Like he really wanted to show me his background and his phone. And I got caught in a tricky situation of him looking for affirmation for me, but it was a picture of Scooby-Doo and smoking weed.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And so it's like that put me in a tricky position where I could tell he craves like affirmation, but then I was stuck in being like, but that's kind of immature and
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah, no, that's good. Being curious and asking questions. I think that's really good. And, and when you're talking about critiques, believe it or not, it actually comes out of a place of fear and control. That's where, why that comes out of me.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And so just the willingness to let go of the fact that if, if I don't say, Hey, this is bad, that he still, like you said, he still knows that, that that's where I stand. I don't have to, Yeah, verbalize that.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
But yeah, just switching my mindset to I'm asking questions because I want to get to know and understand him, I think would just be more helpful for me because a lot of times the critiques just come out of a place of fear of I don't want him to go down a path where it'll ruin his life or whatever. Like, you know, again, it's more to do with generational history.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah. I think that's great. I think that's really helpful.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. That really was thought-provoking and extremely helpful. Thank you.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Thank you. I appreciate your time. All right, take care. Thank you, you too.
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
Hi, Glennon. My name is Sarah. I'm a wife, sister, daughter, mother, and healthcare worker. When I think about my life, it strikes me that I've never known how to have fun. When I think about my family, it strikes me that none of us, none of the women, my mother, my grandmother, my
We Can Do Hard Things
FUN: What the hell is it and why do we need it? (Best Of)
cousins sisters aunts have fun the closest we get to having fun is drinking wine together i keep asking myself what do you want to do for fun but i have no answer just silence i'm worried that i was born without a fun self or that my fun self is dead what do you think Thanks for the show.