Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! Our first caller took a DNA test that revealed a 60-year-old family secret. Our second caller is a new dad looking for advice. And, our third caller is wondering how to get unstuck from a relationship. “Sometimes we have to convince ourselves that we’re healed before we are." Listen to Humble Brag with Cynthia Bailey and Crystal Kung Minkoff every Monday starting October 21st! Available wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@humblebragpod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/humble-brag-with-crystal-and-cynthia/id1774286896 https://open.spotify.com/show/4NWA8LBk15l2u5tNQqDcOO?si=c03a23d537f94735 Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/ Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [email protected] to be a part of our Monday episodes. To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com If you would like to get some texting advice, send an email to [email protected] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on this podcast please email: [email protected] or go to: https://advertising.libsyn.com/theviallfiles THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Thrive Market - Ready to make the switch? Go to https://thrivemarket.com/viall for thirty percent off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! SitterCity - Go to https://sittercity.com to find the care your family deserves. Breathe easier knowing your kids are in good hands. BetterHelp - Your well-being is worth it. Visit https://betterhelp.com/viall today to get 10% off your first month. IQ Bar - Right now, IQBAR is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all IQBAR products, plus get FREE shipping. To get your 20% off, just text FILES to sixty-four thousand. Caraway - Spring into action with the healthy swap to Caraway. Our favorite cookware set will save you $150 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit https://carawayhome.com/viall10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. SKIMS - Shop the SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at https://SKIMS.com and SKIMS stores. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows Prolon - Prolon is offering The Viall Files listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit https://prolonlife.com/viall Timestamps: (00:00) - Intro (02:49) - Caller One (25:39) - Caller Two (51:01) - Caller Three Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @justinkaphillips @dereklanerussell
Chapter 1: What family secret was revealed through the DNA test?
And just saying like that, just checking in with your wife on her feelings about things and how she's doing emotionally, I think is always helpful. Asking anything I can do to help, certainly trying to anticipate ways that you can help her. I definitely more than anything early on is to try to have her not to ask for things, to just be part... Get to know her routine.
As present as I am as a father, as a mother, there's just things that Natalie... It's the details that Natalie pays better attention to than I do. Again, she's following all the other mom influencers. She's learning these little things and these little tips and tricks that I just... You know, I don't know.
I just, I don't instinctually go to learn that stuff, but pay attention to what your wife learns, right? Show an interest in what she is learning and try to learn with her, right? So then you can anticipate what your child is going to need. Don't play into the stereotypes of like, I'm the dad and you're the mom and these are mom jobs and these are dad jobs.
Like I just never really, you know, to me, I was like, I, I could take, I, by the time, other than like, you know, well, Natalie was pumping, but like from the moment my child, River was born, like I felt like I could take care of my child on my own. Like I didn't, you know what I'm saying? It wasn't like, I wasn't some helpless dad if Natalie wasn't around, you know?
I knew how to heat the breast milk. I knew how to like, you know, to feed River. I knew how to change her. I knew how to, you know, I was okay. And I took great pride in being like, a couple months after she had River, if I wanted her to be able to get out of the house, if her and her friend wanted to get a cup of coffee or something, I wanted to give her a break when she could take a break.
Usually she didn't want to take a break, she just wanted to be by her baby. But I wanted to make it easy for her to do that. And so you mentioned two days out of the week, she's going to be a single mom. Well, when you're there, all those things have just... And making life easier on her and just sharing in the joy of parenting together.
And I think that's the thing that Natalie and I really enjoy doing it is like, we just love doing it together. We really are a team. And so, yeah, there'll be moments where you can't help, but there's going to be plenty of moments when you can.
right and just no one really there's no job you know you guys just both do it you guys will like grow into your roles of like what you enjoy doing more than she might do or like just certain ways that you can help like the days in which you're off maybe that's when you get up to you know wake up with your baby and let your wife sleep in a little bit you know just like little things you know and just as your child gets older just you know and enjoy it but is it is any of this helpful
Yeah, absolutely. No, it's, it makes it even more exciting thinking about that now. And, um, I think, you know, making sure to be present and, um, appreciate all those times that I'll have with my, with my kid. Um, and I think me and my wife do have a really good, um, relationship. So we'll be able to, to check in with each other and we do, we're a good team. We, we enjoy being with each other.
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Chapter 2: How did Sarah's father react to the family secret?
And then I moved about two hours away from him. And then he followed eventually because he was waiting on his house to sell. When he sold his house, I said, you know, why don't you just stay with me for a little bit? Because he was trying to buy another house. And so he said, oh yeah, that's a great idea. We can like see how that goes. Looking back, it was not a great idea, but why not?
Just because he hadn't said I love you yet. And I was just like, I don't it was supposed to be temporary. And then when he did move in, everything went great to where when he was looking at houses, he was considering me moving with him into his new house. And I don't know. So fast forward, we get he goes to Thanksgiving with me with my family goes to Christmas with me with my family.
And then after the new year, he got distant and I brought up, hey, I feel a little disconnected from you right now. Something I'd like learn from your show to ask. And he was like, yeah, I actually think we're a little too comfortable and like too complacent. And I'm like, OK, what does that mean? Exactly. I was just like, what do you mean?
And he was like, I think like, because at that point, he was like, well, this was supposed to be temporary. And now we're talking about me staying here because he had put in an offer on a house and it didn't work out. So then he was going to stay with me till my lease was up. And then we were going to move together. Okay. And I said, basically, like, okay.
And he's like, well, this was supposed to be temporary. And you kind of pressured me into moving or like staying here. And I said, no, I just expressed how I felt. And I was excited. And I thought things were going well. And you expressed the same thing back is how I took that. He's like, oh yeah, you're right. And I was like, okay. And so he was just getting like a little distant.
And then I said, well, do you think you can get there? Like saying like, I love you. Cause this had become like a little bit of a topic. And then he had always said like, absolutely. Yes. Even before he put an offer on a house after that, he said, absolutely. And now he said, I don't know. So then I was just like, okay, and start freaking out. And I don't know.
So then we talked over the next like few weeks and it led to us breaking up. And I told him like, okay, well, what do you think love is like the next day? And then he couldn't really tell me. So I said, well, maybe I said, are you still going to therapy? And he said, no. And I said, well, why did you stop? You know, you got divorced.
And I found out a lot more about his divorce in this conversation and like things that he wasn't necessarily like upfront with me about. And he was like omitting.
What were some things that you discovered?
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Chapter 3: What should Sarah do about reaching out to her biological grandfather?
Yeah. But like, it's not, I mean, that stuff is dangerous to read into, but.
Yeah. So then, but I called him over it because I was just, and then, so then I just said, okay, I'm moving on. Cause I was just like, what's the purpose of this? So I didn't like go crazy thinking about it. And then about a month later, I had a package sent to, I hadn't gotten in his mail for weeks. And then all of a sudden I have a package for him that he sent to me on accident.
Like not sure if it was on accident or not. So then I was trying to do 30 days, no contact. So I didn't even tell him about the package. And I was like, maybe I'll just keep it to pickleball paddle.
It was addressed to you?
No, it was addressed to him. So I was just like, I'm going to wait till 30 days and I'll probably reach out and tell him I have a paddle. So then he reached out to me a few days later and was like, hey, I think I accidentally sent you my paddle. So then I said, okay, yeah, I have it. Like I was going to forward it to you, but I wasn't sure if it would go to your new apartment or what.
He said, well, can I actually come pick it up? And I said, sure. So he came over to pick it up and I was going to leave it outside, but I was like, I just kind of want to see where his head's at. It's been a month. So when I opened the door, I was very standoffish, but he was like very happy to see my dog, very happy to see me, asked me how I was. And I just was like, good.
And like very standoffish. And then after that, he texted me and was like, that was really weird. I just want to let you know that I'm really working on myself and going to therapy and this time is healing. And you mean a lot to me. So that didn't make me feel good. You don't need to respond to this. And then that was like a month ago. So I haven't heard from him since.
And you didn't respond to it.
No, I didn't respond. I'm trying to be strong. I don't know. It's just hard because it's like it'd be different if it's like he's not going to therapy and he's not working on himself. And I don't honestly like think about it. I'm like, OK, but I don't know if he has a good therapist. I don't know if he's actually going anymore.
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