Marie
Appearances
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
Don't come and sing that song to me, boys will be boys. I lost my child. Those kids, they get to go home. They get to be whoever they want to be. Well, my son wanted to be a doctor. He wanted to be a neurosurgeon. You just cut it up like that. And then what happened? Nothing. Nothing. And I have to take it like that? No. I lost my child. My one and only child. My good son. My beautiful son.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
And I remember he was five years old. One day he says to me, Mommy, will I ever have a father? I said, you had a father. Your father was big. Your father loved you very, very much.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
I have a big plaque for George. He did say hazing is the cause of death. And Cornell put it in the wall where all the students have to pass that wall to go sign up to become a brother or a sister to be part of the sorority. And they can read it. I want them to think because it's a crime. No parent should bury their children. Not when they are healthy.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
No parent should send their kids to college and not to have the police come and tell them something like that. Sometimes I walk on the street and I still hear the police voice in my head.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
He was the captain of the soccer team. Once George set his sights on a career, his dream school quickly became clear. Cornell was his choice from the beginning. When he got the letter from Cornell and he took it, went to his room, closed the door, and when he opened it, I just heard a scream. And I went and I said, what's going on? He said, I got accepted.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
What do brothers do for brothers? What do sisters do for sisters? We help each other. We talk.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
When it first happened, the humiliation that I went through, because everybody looking at me like, you know, oh, he was drinking, he was drinking. As a mom, I felt like I failed him. Maybe there is something I didn't tell him. Maybe there is something I forgot to say for him. But George did exactly everything he was supposed to do. He called the chaperone car to pick him up.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
And they decided that because they were planning a kidnapping to make their big brother happy. and my poor child become dead.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
The first person who called me, she called me from California. She said, Marie, I'm sorry for what you went through. If you want to talk, I'm here for you. I'm sorry you joined our club.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
And I still can hear his screams still today. He was so happy because that was the school he wanted to go to. And then when he find out they were going to give him all those scholarships, it was, to me, I was so happy.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
We spoke about drugs, we spoke about alcohol, we spoke about sex. I said to him, I know I'm not there, but please do not drink. Because when you drink, you drink to get drunk. I said, just be careful. And remember, because you have a goal, you cannot play with your life doing all those things.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
As for the fraternity, I didn't know anything about the fraternity. This is not something that came in my mind at all. This is that one conversation that I didn't have with him. And then I said, that's the only thing I didn't know anything. Because if I knew, I would ask questions. I would talk to him about it.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
He only told me about it after he did it, when he came home in December. And he says to me, I'm one of the brother now. And he explained to me, this is why he said, you see, I'm okay.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
We always talk every week. This is what was important. So he can call me anytime. I said, call me as you're going to your dorm or as you're going to school, to a class. This is the way he was. He never missed one Friday, except for that dreadful Friday.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
He was getting ready. He had two interviews because he had two internships coming. So he needed to prepare himself for the interview. He went to his girlfriend because she knows how to do interviews and he was practicing with her.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
I saw two police officers. I got a call from the police at Cornell to say that my son died in his sleep. And I said, no, that's not true. I spoke to him yesterday. He's fine. And they just said they couldn't look at me. And I think I fell on the floor and I was screaming. And then the next thing I know, they took me to the ER. And I still didn't know what happened.
Campus Files
The Hazing of George Desdunes
George, he was a child who wanted to learn everything. As a young age, he loves to read, love math and science.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Hi, Dr. John. Thank you so much for taking my call.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Um, I am a 60 plus year old woman who I obtained custody of my grandson back in 2014. Um, Both his parents are addicts. His father, he's 18 right now. He is away at college. His father is still actively using. His mother, my daughter, has had a couple relapses, and I believe right at this moment she is sober. My question, though, is having to raise my grandson and...
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
just trying to find that balance on trying to live my life, you know, raising my children. And then usually that's the time where after your children are, you know, in their own lives, that's the time that you become, you can worry about yourself and start, you know, living your life. And I'm just having that hard time because now I have, I'm actively raising my grandson.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
His parents really are not, a major part of his life. He can't count on them at all. Like I'm still the one who has to go to parent functions because like they'll say they'll be there for him, but they, they know just never show up. So I'm, I'm just trying to find that balance for me as well as be there for him because he still really needs me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Oh, you know what? I feel bad for me, but I feel so bad for him.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Um... You know what? I don't even know. I don't even know. I just never think about what I want or what I need. I'm still working full time, so I get up, I go to work. I just do.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Okay. What do you want? What do I want? I want to I want to be able to travel. I want to be able to just not think of any responsibilities I have.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Um, you know, I just, I want to not have to worry about everybody else and just worry about me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Yes. And we both missed out on that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
No, no. You're right. I need to just forget about that. No, don't forget about it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Oh, absolutely. We have an amazing relationship and we talk a lot. And as a matter of fact, he was just home recently. He came home for the weekend and he did. He told me that He knows I'm always there for him, and he thanks me. You know, give me a big hug, kiss, tell me you love me, and he said thank you. So, yes, he does know.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Nothing at all. There you go. Nothing at all. That's like the greatest moment. That's right. It solidifies that I did everything right.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Absolutely. Absolutely.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
I would go out to dinner with a few friends.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Something ridiculous, something I would never think to do?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
I will. I will definitely try.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Let me see. Definitely want to start either going back to the gym or setting aside half hour, an hour a day just to take a walk or read a book or something like that. Something to just disconnect and just be.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
A hundred times, right. That's right. Yes, absolutely.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
She does know I love her. Yes, she does. Deep down, she does.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
I am with somebody now. Yes.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Or both? Very good. A little bit of both, and that's good.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
And you know what? He really has, he really tries. And I'm always, and I'm always like so centered on, uh, my, my grandson or, you know, what's going on with him. And, So we've had those talks. So I need to just let him do these things for me and not worry so much about my grandson.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Okay. You know, that's a good idea to do. That way I don't have to worry about, you know, is my phone near me? Is he going to need me? You know, and just...
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Like, I am mom. I am dad.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
Right. Right. I can't be everything to him.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
We're just glad you're feeling better. Yesterday wasn't great when you came in.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Hi, Dr. John. My question for you today is, gosh, just dealing with the I guess memories and like consequences and just struggles of my past and coming into a new marriage with a wonderful man. Um, yeah, it's just been, it's been hard and I'm just wanting to fully enjoy him.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Um, but having that past and kind of thinking I had, you know, gotten through it and left it and was, um, yeah, moved, moved through it. But then you like bring a new person into your life and, um, Yeah, it's been hard.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Yeah. I'm 28, and my husband and I met only a year ago. But we are both believers, and so just right away we knew that, like, this was the person God had been preparing us for.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Yeah. I guess just, yeah, I mean, my past is a lot more like checkered with just a lot of different like strings of relationships and, um, kind of like finding my home and whoever I would be dating. Um, and my husband's wonderful. He waited for, you know, his wife. And so that's been such a blessing, but also just wishing I had had that to offer to him too.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Um, and I did share like upfront, like I was like, this is everything. And I wanted to be like fully known by him. And, um, I guess also like, there's an element that I feel like I, I wish I didn't like take him from someone better, you know? And I, I don't know why that's, that's a thing because we're so happy together. Truly. Like he's wonderful.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
I don't know. Okay, I'm worried. Okay.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
I guess, I mean, I guess I, I guess I think I am, you know, I have like, gosh, you just, I just go back and forth. I'm like, I wish I knew better. Like, I don't know. I just feel like I was, like, my brain wasn't even there until I was 25, you know?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I know I have a lot to offer him, and I just, like, I kind of, it's just more, I think it's just, like, the memories, you know? Like, those are going to be there no matter what.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Yeah. I have wonderful parents, but it was just a really like stressful home. And I, They were trying to do what's best for me, and they kicked me out of the house at 18. I mean, they still supported me in other ways, but I just kind of felt like I had to find somewhere.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Just a really stressed out family. Okay. I don't have like a ton of memories of it, but my sister is older than me and she, you know, She held a lot of anger and then of what she went through. And I think I just blocked it out mostly. So what I remember of the stress is from like secondhand from her telling me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
My past is a lot more, like, checkered with strings of relationships. And my husband's wonderful. He waited for, you know, his life. And so that's been such a blessing. But also just wishing I had had that to offer to him, too. Why don't you think you're wonderful, Marie?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
He's awesome. He's kind of a redneck. He works on cars and he's... comes from a really good family. He's got a twin sister who loves him and his whole family is just wonderful. And I mean, he's in the military and he works on airplanes and he loves me. And I do think it's the first time I've actually felt safe. I know you use that word for the other relationships.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Yeah. But just meeting him, I knew that he really sounds cheesy, but really saw me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
No, I don't think so. I don't think I miss it. I want it to stop coming through my head.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
I don't know. Probably like a swim cover-up going to the beach. Okay.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Yeah, I had it two weeks ago, and it was rough.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Yeah. Tell her to wait for it. To try to be patient.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
I mean, like half our sales team is down with it. There are so many people down with it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Pretty good. Excited. A little nervous.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, so I'll just start with my question that I submitted. My question is, when is the best time to disclose my divorce to people I date? I'm 24 and have just started dating again after getting divorced from my ex-husband who I was with for five years. I feel like being this young in divorce carries a lot of stigma and I'm afraid of scaring people away with my past. Yeah, what happened?
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, what happened? We met shortly before I turned 19. He had just got back from a deployment. We dated for about a year, and then we got married right after I turned 20.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
During that year of dating and that first year of marriage, he struggled significantly with alcohol and mental health to the point where there were many nights where he was going to tell me he was going to end his life and then just wouldn't answer my calls or my texts. So I wouldn't know if he did it until the next morning when he would text me and told me he was just drunk.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
So about a year into the marriage, I considered getting a divorce, mainly due to the alcoholism and his refusal to get help. But there were tons of other reasons as well. However, he committed to stop drinking. So I was willing to rebuild with the very clear boundary that if he ever drank again, I would be done. He was sober for two and a half years, but we were having significant marital issues
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
We couldn't communicate without arguing. I felt like a maid and a mother. He would get very angry sometimes and break things in our house and yell, but it was never directed at me. And in response to me telling him I was unhappy and I didn't know if I wanted to stay married, he went out that night to a bar and broke his sobriety and called me the next morning and let me know.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
And I just knew I couldn't live through that again. So that's when I initiated the separation and the divorce.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Since December, but we've been separated since last May, so it's coming up on a year.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
A little bit.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, I think there's days where, especially I've listened to your show a lot since all that happened and talking about rebuilding and things. And it just makes me think like, what if I had given a chance of saying like, okay, but this is very clear what I want. And if you like giving him the option to opt in or out, I didn't do that. I just, he did.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, you're right about that. And to be fair, the people I have gone on dates with and told, I mean, their reaction is obviously a little shocked, but there's not really any judgment. If anything, they're like, okay, that's cool. I mean, when I tell them, like, you know, it's giving me a different perspective on things I want and, you know, they, they're accepting of it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
I think it really is a, an inside battle.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yes, it does. And I mean, we were officially divorced in December, but like things kept being drug out because he wouldn't stick to the agreement. So he wouldn't sign paperwork he needed to sign. So it felt like even though it's been finalized, like it's still not like done, done. And so that was maybe like two weeks ago that it finally got done. There you go.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
And so now it feels like I can finally like, okay.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah. I mean, I still... Still that way, I think a lot of what I'm worried about is the reason I'm telling people that. Like, oh, I left because he broke his sobriety. That to me just sounds so cold. Like you couldn't stick with the person you love.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Follow-Up Call: My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Right, yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Uh, not sitting in my car. I can't believe I'm doing this.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Okay. So it's kind of changed since I originally wrote my question.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Excellent. All right. Okay. So starting in like mid December, it was like a week and a half before Christmas. I suddenly just stopped sleeping, basically. I would go to bed, fall asleep totally normally, and then pop up like three hours later and just not be able to go back to sleep.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
I did not. It felt like it was so out of nowhere. Okay. And I have a one, a three, and a four-year-old.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, well, I mean, I've been around for a year, a little more.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yeah, you know, pretty quickly. And, yeah, it felt like it was pretty out of nowhere.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Well, the thought spiral that would happen is, was usually like first I would start to panic knowing that I was probably not going to fall back asleep.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
And then I would immediately start thinking about everything that I had to get done the next day that was about to be ruined. Right. And everything because it's the holidays that is about to get ruined and I'm going to make myself sound like a crazy person but then the thought spiral continues.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
And then it goes into, oh my gosh, if I am this level of sleep deprived, then I have a hard time not being impatient with my three very small children. And then I'm going to be a terrible mom that day. And my kids are getting a subpar childhood. And it just goes and goes and goes. And I just find myself spending so much energy trying to actively stop my thoughts snowball. There you go.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Actually, yes. Yes and no.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yes, because I wish I was sleeping. No, because he's been like a rock star through all of it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
I failed, but yes, I tried.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Yes. Definitely the not having it in my head that there's zero time to sit down and that if one thing goes off the rails, then everything is toast. I just don't know how to get out of that thought pattern. It's so hard. I don't know how to make my brain stop doing that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
I'm staying at home right now.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
I actually am not. I have like the best friends ever. I'm so blessed. I feel like I have an army of people.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Do y'all talk about- Not as much as I'd like, but yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Great. My, my husband's wonderful.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Oh no, he's, we, we honestly, we've, uh, we actually, we've been both been listening to your show for like a year now. And we've put into practice a lot of things that we've heard you talk about. And we did a little year-end meeting.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
We were like, this is, I just feel like we've been married 11 years. And I was like, year 11 was just the best year for us, even though I stopped sleeping.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Brags to Friends About Her Past Sex Life
Right. Yeah, I can definitely relate to that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Hey. What up? Dr. John. Sitting here in the rainy western Pennsylvania. Kind of nervous today.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
I'm glad you called. What's up? Okay, so... This is my initial question. So how can I have a conversation with my husband about the nature of our relationship without it turning into an argument every single time?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Well, he does... Honestly, we argue about everything. We don't really communicate that well. Try going to therapy. Like, I was... I'm in therapy. I've been in for about three years. I try to get him to go and he doesn't like say anything. And I don't know how to get him to open up and communicate with me. And I'm like, I'm at a point where I'm one foot in and one foot out the door.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
I don't know. I mean, it's like, so.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
I don't, yeah. I mean, I get it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
I don't know. I mean, feeling of like, I just wish you would I don't know. I just wish he would listen.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Well, and I think that's where I'm realizing it's not bringing me anything. So I'm shutting down from it. And I'm just not talking to him like at all. And then he takes that as everything's hunky-dory fine.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yeah, I think we both have quit at this point.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yeah. He just changes the topic, though. Every time we're arguing about something, I'll try to tell him, I've got one foot out the door. I'm like, I can't keep going around in these circles. And then he'll bring up an argument we had about something stupid. I don't even know. Just like random stuff, like stupid things. Like, why didn't I wash his laundry?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
I think that's what I'm afraid of doing. Okay. Is opening up to him. Cause I don't know how he's going to receive that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
I don't even know if that's it because in his and I's relationship, I've spent all of our almost 20 years together basically taking care of him and I've gotten pushed to the wayside and now I don't know how to say what I need and hope that he will come back at me with, okay, I'm here for you because that's what I'm afraid he's not, he's not going to.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
No, no, not, not really. No, he's, he, he's, have you been his mother for the last 20 years? Pretty much.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yeah, I've kind of felt like his mom that he lost years ago, and I have a fourth child in my house in a way.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
And I think that's where I'm at. I do want to try to figure out, hey, is this worth rebuilding or are we just giving up? I don't want to completely give up on it yet.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yeah. I want, I feel like I want someone to take care of me instead of me taking care of someone.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yeah. I don't know that he'll be out. I have a hard time telling him what's on my mind and what I'm thinking.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
even though he was primary caregiver of the children when I'm not there and handled so much.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
Yeah, it's tricky to navigate sometimes.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
Yes. Yes. I actually just got married in December.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
It's been great. I have a lovely husband. I can't say anything negative about him.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
Very challenging, yeah. I definitely felt burnt out these past few weeks taking on the extra responsibilities, and it's just left me with nothing to come home with. My husband has been you know, taking on a lot of those responsibilities that were mine at home as a result.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
Oh, yikes. I don't want to be. I definitely don't.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I did try to bring this up to her recently, this past Friday. And a lot of emotions came up on her end. Initially, she said, well, you know, I just need someone here that can handle it, that can help me out. I need help more than ever. And just really...
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
putting that pressure on me, um, making me feel like if I, you know, speak up on, on what's troubling me, feeling burnt out, um, too much, then I could lose my position. She'll just replace me with someone who's willing to just do it, you know, work full time, overtime, no break. Like, like I have been for the past few weeks.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
Yeah. No, I know it's not her intention, but I feel like she's been put in a tough spot.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
They are, yes. I haven't had much of a break these past few weeks. I'm sorry.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
Yeah. I know there's that people pleaser tendency in me to just, you know, grit and bear it. And, you know, I have my faith to fall back on. I don't feel like I'm going to break, but it is difficult. really need to be in this situation.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
I had feelings even before this happened, even before he left that, um, it was starting to become an unhealthy work environment, not really being appreciated, um, the way I feel like I should, but, um, And your answer has been confirmed. Yeah, I guess so. I guess so.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I've She's had to lean on me for emotional support a bit in this situation.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
I wanted to ask your advice on something. My question is, how can I support a family in crisis while balancing my own priorities?
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Convince My Sister to Leave Her Husband?
So I am a nanny. I take care of two children. I've been with this current family for a little over two and a half years. And they... The parents are going through some marital issues. The dad has been inconsistent with his presence. He kind of left abruptly a few weeks ago, and the mom and I are just kind of picking up the pieces and trying to manage the household without him. Oh.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
it's still in a negotiation we offered like 3 000 less than we had originally offered if they're not going to include the appliances but we're still waiting to hear back i think that since we're just at that five percent i think i'm just like nervous that your border your borderline i mean you're not you're not stroking a big check here you know i the other thing you could do is say uh i don't have to buy this house
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
Hi, I'm doing good. Thank you guys for taking my call.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
So me and my husband just finished up Baby Step 3D, and we are buying our first home. So we just put in an offer for a house that we really like. It was very reasonably priced. We have about 5% down that you guys recommend for the first home. And in negotiations, the sellers weren't willing to give up their appliances because And so that was going to be an extra $3,000 cost.
The Ramsey Show
Go Slow: Never Invest in What You Don’t Understand
We have like the 5% down, a little bit extra for closing costs, and our emergency fund. And I'm not sure if that $3,000 should come from taking a little bit less down, our emergency fund, or if it's a sign that we're just not ready to buy a house yet.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
Well, I guess what we've seen is from the beginning, we've always said we want you saving. 75% has always been our rule. Wow. But just because that we just set up to be able to pay for cars and things like that. So he did real good. He bought his old truck. We met him halfway there. But really, since then, it's been hard for him to meet that.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
Something comes up, things like that, which is understandable. I know he's a teenager.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
I'm just letting you know. I know, but they're full. When they have to pay for everything... I just, I want them to get there and, you know, have some spending money and maybe not have to work when they're in college. But right now he doesn't have anything really. And so we've recently even said, if you can't figure it out with paying for gas,
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
and saving 75% and giving that we might even pull paying for insurance and let him take a year off of having a car.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
But you wouldn't. You wouldn't threaten to take their car insurance if they don't aren't wise with their money this summer.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
I would say let him budget it. He doesn't have it.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
I think he definitely can. But, I mean, we're still an 18-year-old at times. Sure. I mean, he's 18. There's definitely light. There's ability there for sure. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
Well, I have four kids. My oldest is 18. And looking at college this fall, I am trying to, I'm wrestling, me and my husband are wrestling with how to instill the wisdom that we want him to have. He's had a job since he was 16, on and off.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
around school and things like that but we've recently told him he's got to start paying for his own gas in his old truck that we we helped him pay for halfway like dave teaches and it just feels like it's a big burden on him um we're going to pay for his schooling but he's got to pay for all extras and after two years he has to pay for even his schooling so we're really trying to teach him we want you to start learning really how to save and manage your money
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Depends on What You Do Today
And I just, I don't know. Am I being too harsh? Is it too much? He's just got a door knocking job right now. He has a full time job lined up, but it's not started yet for this summer. I just, I'm trying to strike that balance between being too harsh and helping him. I just don't know. So I wanted your advice.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Hi, it's going good. My name is Marie and I'm 33 years old and I'm wondering how I get unstuck from a relationship.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Okay, sorry, I'm a little nervous. It's okay, take a breath. Okay, so about a year ago, I met a guy on a dating app. It went really well. I felt like I had worked on myself a lot for about six months, was ready to finally fall in love and meet the right person. First date went great. We even talked about possible couples therapy on the first date.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
because so I brought up I'm very like trying to bring up deal breakers early but it felt very natural when I first saw him and then I brought up how I plan on going to school and if that's a problem for him he brought up how he got divorced so I was asking how long ago and then like later on I asked him more about his divorce and he said something about oh it just didn't work out because we
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
like got married too young. And I said, well, did you ever try couples therapy? And he said, yes. And he's like, I love that you asked that question. Like I would want that in a future partner and stuff like that. So I was like, Oh, okay. Green flags. Cool. So fast forward, we dated for 11 months, met his family. He is from England. So I flew to England and met his family.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
We even went to Paris for a weekend. He met my family, came to my brother's wedding, very like asking like, where are you at? Where are your feelings at? Et cetera. He was always very reassuring. I felt very respected, considered, loved in the relationship. But about five months in, I brought up like my feelings because he hadn't said I love you yet.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And I hadn't said it either, but I was feeling those feelings. So I brought that up because we were just about to go to England to meet his family. And I just wanted to know where he was at. And he said that he just wants to be really sure when he says that. And I found out more about his divorce. He got kind of screwed over financially. She didn't want to go to therapy, stuff like that.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
So I was like, okay, that makes sense. And he's like, I said, so you just want me to be patient? He said, yes, just, you know, be patient. So when we go to England, he says, I feel closer to you. Like everything is just going great. So much so that I was moving cities and he was actually planning on moving to the same city. We started dating about an hour, like we were living about an hour apart.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And then I moved about two hours away from him. And then he followed eventually because he was waiting on his house to sell. When he sold his house, I said, you know, why don't you just stay with me for a little bit? Because he was trying to buy another house. And so he said, oh yeah, that's a great idea. We can like see how that goes. Looking back, it was not a great idea, but why not?
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Just because he hadn't said I love you yet. And I was just like, I don't it was supposed to be temporary. And then when he did move in, everything went great to where when he was looking at houses, he was considering me moving with him into his new house. And I don't know. So fast forward, we get he goes to Thanksgiving with me with my family goes to Christmas with me with my family.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And then after the new year, he got distant and I brought up, hey, I feel a little disconnected from you right now. Something I'd like learn from your show to ask. And he was like, yeah, I actually think we're a little too comfortable and like too complacent. And I'm like, OK, what does that mean? Exactly. I was just like, what do you mean?
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And he was like, I think like, because at that point, he was like, well, this was supposed to be temporary. And now we're talking about me staying here because he had put in an offer on a house and it didn't work out. So then he was going to stay with me till my lease was up. And then we were going to move together. Okay. And I said, basically, like, okay.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And he's like, well, this was supposed to be temporary. And you kind of pressured me into moving or like staying here. And I said, no, I just expressed how I felt. And I was excited. And I thought things were going well. And you expressed the same thing back is how I took that. He's like, oh yeah, you're right. And I was like, okay. And so he was just getting like a little distant.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And then I said, well, do you think you can get there? Like saying like, I love you. Cause this had become like a little bit of a topic. And then he had always said like, absolutely. Yes. Even before he put an offer on a house after that, he said, absolutely. And now he said, I don't know. So then I was just like, okay, and start freaking out. And I don't know.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
So then we talked over the next like few weeks and it led to us breaking up. And I told him like, okay, well, what do you think love is like the next day? And then he couldn't really tell me. So I said, well, maybe I said, are you still going to therapy? And he said, no. And I said, well, why did you stop? You know, you got divorced.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And I found out a lot more about his divorce in this conversation and like things that he wasn't necessarily like upfront with me about. And he was like omitting.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
So, originally, when I asked him on the first date, how long ago did he get divorced, he told me six months, which was not true. And then he did, like, backtrack on that date and said, like, oh, well, the paperwork was filed later. But it turned out it was about three months from her moving out of the house and then us going on our first date.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And the paperwork was filed, like, a few weeks before we went on our first date. So... That's a big difference than being like six months. And he said they had problems for years. But then I also found out that they were trying for a baby right before they got divorced, like months before. And like she had a miscarriage and all of this.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
So I was just like, and I asked him on our first date, are you healed from all of that? And he said, yes. And I was like, well, obviously you were like I said that I feel like you have a mental block from saying I love you. Like, I don't know. So he said he was going to go back to therapy. And I went to my therapist and she recommended couples therapy.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
I brought that up to him and he said, well, let me go to my therapist for a couple of weeks. And I'm not saying no, but I just want to like.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
No, not yet. He was just saying like we talked about it and he said I did a couple of things that reminded him of his ex. So he just kind of like shut down.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Yeah, it was me asking him about he wanted to go to this festival and I had to work that day and he was going with some friends. And I said, well, who are the who are the friends you're going with? Are there guys or girls? Because I was trying to get that day off. So I was just trying to like see if I could go.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
well he got really weird and then he said well it's just the guys from the gym and I was like okay and I was like so no girls are going like you don't want me to go and he said well yeah I just kind of want to go with the guys from the gym and I said oh okay no problem like I was trying to get the day off because I wanted to go but so like things like that I guess his ex was like an anxious avoidant where she would make him feel bad for like going out but wouldn't want to spend time with him when he was home
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
I think he was projecting what was being triggered from his past.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Because I was like, I agree. That's a fair question. And we talked about that. And he said, oh, I feel better. So then we tried to work on it. But he was still living with me while he was trying to move out. So the problem was, like, I was asking, like, hey, like, I just need a little reassurance. Like, you can't say you love me. I just need to know you still want to be with me and work on this.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And he just was getting more distant and weird. And then... We had a date night and at the end of the date night, I don't know, I just felt like things were off. So I was like, he's not a words of affirmation guy. And I'm very much like, I need to hear it, especially like when you show it in all the other ways, but I need to know what you're thinking. Right.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
So I brought up, I was like, well, can you tell me something to love about me? Like in a joking, funny way, like we're watching TV. And then he just like kind of got weird and was like, don't you're being ridiculous. And I was like, why is that ridiculous? And he just like kind of laughed and was being silly, but saying like, that's ridiculous. And I said, no, it's not.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And I said, I'm really struggling. Like, I just want to know, like, you care. And then he instead of talking to me, he got up to the other side of the room and was like extremely distant. And then that was the night where I was like, OK, like we're we're having a real fight. issue. And so then I said, I need space, like clearly you need space.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And then the week after he went out of town for work for a week. So it gave us that space. And it just like felt like very matter of fact and weird. And so when he came back, I basically told him like, hey, like either we go to couples therapy and like figure this out and like have a guideline on how to like take this slow or we break up because I'm not gonna sit here and wait around for you to
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
figure out what's going on in your head like if you're not keeping me in the loop because he was basically asking for distance but it was like indefinite distance where I was like I can't do that so technically you kind of ended the relationship yeah technically I ended it but he he showed he said he doesn't have the capacity like he said I can't do it and didn't want to go to couples therapy said it was too early for couples therapy which makes no sense he said he wanted to do preventative couples therapy on our first date I was like
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
So he moved out January 25th. So it was about two months ago, a little over two months ago.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Well, so when we broke up, when he moved out two days later after we decided to break up and at the end of it, I said, okay, from my understanding, I have offered to take things slow with you. I've been okay with you moving out. I've been okay. You know, like I just wanted to go to couples therapy and see if we can like work on this. But you don't have the capacity for that.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And I'm not going to wait around. So we're broken up. And I said it like that, like very matter of fact. And I was trying to be very matter of fact that day. I hadn't cried like I was just like helping him get his stuff out. And he just started bawling, crying and then said that he hopes this will work out for us later and that we're too compatible for this to not work out.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Because we were both very happy in the relationship. This came out of nowhere. It's just, he felt pressure or whatever. I don't know. Like he doesn't even know. And so that's kind of how he left it was just basically like, you know, I hope we can be together later. And I said like, well, I have to respect myself and I'm not going to wait around for you.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Yeah. So about a week after he took all our pictures down from Instagram. So then I was like, okay, that's a very different signal than what you're telling me on.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Yeah. So then, but I called him over it because I was just, and then, so then I just said, okay, I'm moving on. Cause I was just like, what's the purpose of this? So I didn't like go crazy thinking about it. And then about a month later, I had a package sent to, I hadn't gotten in his mail for weeks. And then all of a sudden I have a package for him that he sent to me on accident.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Like not sure if it was on accident or not. So then I was trying to do 30 days, no contact. So I didn't even tell him about the package. And I was like, maybe I'll just keep it to pickleball paddle.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
No, it was addressed to him. So I was just like, I'm going to wait till 30 days and I'll probably reach out and tell him I have a paddle. So then he reached out to me a few days later and was like, hey, I think I accidentally sent you my paddle. So then I said, okay, yeah, I have it. Like I was going to forward it to you, but I wasn't sure if it would go to your new apartment or what.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
He said, well, can I actually come pick it up? And I said, sure. So he came over to pick it up and I was going to leave it outside, but I was like, I just kind of want to see where his head's at. It's been a month. So when I opened the door, I was very standoffish, but he was like very happy to see my dog, very happy to see me, asked me how I was. And I just was like, good.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And like very standoffish. And then after that, he texted me and was like, that was really weird. I just want to let you know that I'm really working on myself and going to therapy and this time is healing. And you mean a lot to me. So that didn't make me feel good. You don't need to respond to this. And then that was like a month ago. So I haven't heard from him since.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
No, I didn't respond. I'm trying to be strong. I don't know. It's just hard because it's like it'd be different if it's like he's not going to therapy and he's not working on himself. And I don't honestly like think about it. I'm like, OK, but I don't know if he has a good therapist. I don't know if he's actually going anymore.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
But it'd be easier if I just know like he is who he is and I can like move on. But it's just. I just feel like I'm going to start dating somebody else and he's going to pop back up. And I don't know, we just had such a great relationship. And I just felt so loved and considered in that relationship, even though he wouldn't say I love you.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
I don't want to say it's a regret because if I... For next time, I obviously won't let somebody move in with me if they can't say I love you. But... I'm glad I let him because this brought all of this out. You know what I mean? So if he didn't move in with me early on, I think this would have just been more prolonged.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
So the last few men I've dated, I feel like I keep attracting are like people that tell me they're they're ready for something. And then when we get into it, then they turn out to not be ready. OK. The last one was only like about a month. So it's like easier when it like happens in the first few months. But I just got really got way too excited about him too early.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And so I went to therapy over it because I was like, what am I missing? I was just being like really hard on myself.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
That I need to give myself grace and that I can't know everything in the beginning.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
I don't think I got super excited about this one until like five months. Okay.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Because I was very like, let's take it slow. Like he had brought up things like, oh, maybe I'll take you to a wedding with me in England. And I said, well, and that was like maybe two months in. And I said, well, let's not think that far ahead right now. Like, let's just like focus on getting to know each other.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
So I feel like this relationship, like I talked to my therapist about it and she said, like, I've done everything I could and I've mitigated all the risks. And I took a chance and it just didn't work out.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
It's so frustrating. And sorry, it's just like going forward. It's like, I don't know. I still care so much about this person that it's like hard to think. Like, I just really thought he was my person. Like I've never, sorry. I just have to like, you know, my voice sounds like that. I just like have never felt that way about anyone. Where to where I was like, wow, this is my guy.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Like he's my equal. I've never like been treated like that great to where I really like, you know, he inspired me and I felt like I inspired him. Like I felt like everything was going great until he just shut down on me. And I don't know. So like my question is just like, how do I like move forward and consider other people?
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
But it's like, I know it's like time is involved, but it's just, it's really hard when I have like this picture of him like popping back up later. You know what I mean?
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Like, I feel like it's always, like, how it always goes. Like, as soon as you, like, get over somebody or, like, write them off, they pop back up, right?
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Yeah, it just feels like I'm like, I feel like I was a distraction for him versus like he wasn't ready. When I was very clear about my expectations early on, like I was like very ready to fall in love and find my person.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And he clearly wasn't like he said when I when he after he talked to a therapist the first time when we started having the issue was I don't think I can fall in love with anybody right now. Like I have a lot of processing to do still. And I'm like, well, I would have been great to know 11 months ago.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Yeah, I think he only struggles with it when it comes to saying I love you. My therapist said that he's thinking I love, like, From what I told her, she thinks that him saying I love you is like signing on the dotted line.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Which I brought up to him and I said, I think you're making it too big of a deal than it is.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Yeah. But it brought up him like not being ready. You know what I mean?
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
No, to like in general, like it brought up, he said like, this has just been too much too fast and yada yada. But a lot of it was propelled by him.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And he was able to tell me how he felt in other circumstances. We did multiple trips. We went to San Diego for our birthdays. And he told me at the end of the trip, I asked him, what was your favorite part? And he said, you know, like, this is going to sound cheesy, but just spending time with you has been great. Like, just being able to, like, do things and go out and have fun.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
So, like, he can tell me in those ways. He just can't say it for some reason, which is... Makes me crazy.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
No, I think because I didn't bring that up until after he got distant because I hadn't really brought it up. Like, I only brought it up, like, when we were making big decisions and was like, how are you feeling? I didn't say, like, hey, I need you to say this. Like, I was just, like, assessing, like, and I think he got dissent after he put an offer in on a house and it didn't go that way.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
And I'm glad, like, the inspection was bad because it would have been terrible if I would have moved in with him. Because I basically told him, like, hey, we're about to combine lives. Like, I just want to know where your feelings are at, like, that we're still on the same page and
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
like yeah absolutely so i was thinking he was gonna say it soon just like in a more romantic way because he's a very thoughtful guy he leaves me notes like my i think what kind of what made him like he went to christmas with me and my dad made him very uncomfortable one of the days we're there how so so it's kind of like a meet the fuckers kind of situation okay like
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Um, so we were all standing around in the kitchen talking and he was like leaning by the counter and we're all like leaning on the counter but he was leaning by this new stove my parents got they were like, super excited about this stove they just bought it they had a stove cover for it which is like wood it's like a cutting board, and he was leaning on it I guess and then my mom's like oh my god the stoves on.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
when he went to the bathroom and the stove turned on and burned through this new cutting board, they were all excited about, like left a mark on the bottom of it. And instead of my dad being like, Oh, no big deal. My dad was like, Oh my God, we could have set the house on fire. And like,
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Went on and on and on about it the entire night and wouldn't let us change the subject and was like, so he had a few drinks and he can get a little obsessive. My dad can be a lot. I love him, but he can be a lot to be around and just made the whole situation worse.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
very awkward for everyone and so and then i made a terrible joke at the end of the night trying to like lighten the tension with him and he didn't take it well but we like worked it out and talked about it and everything but i think after that like about a week after that is when he got started to get like distant and like weird yeah and i brought that up and he said well it didn't help but he didn't say it was the reason
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Not at all. Because I think if I reached out to him, he would just confuse me more.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Thank you. I think I just needed to hear that because it's like I felt like good about it for the first month. And then when two months hit, I just like started questioning it and start going through the grieving process again. So where like I'm like just trying to keep trudging through and moving forward. But it's just like been tough because you go back and forth in your mind.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
I think one of the things that's stressing me out is I'm starting a graduate program this year. And I know I'm not going to have any time for dating for the next three years. So it was like, I mean, You never know, right? But I'm going to be so busy and I'm excited that this happened before I started the program because I don't have time for like the distraction.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
But it was just like, I don't know. He was like very supportive and I was excited to like have that support throughout the program. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Well, we didn't talk about like, we didn't commiserate. I don't
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Yeah. I feel like we did work through like a few small things, but nothing like crazy.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Well, he knew. He knew if he was honest about it, I would leave. Like I would be like, okay, you know.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
That's what's so frustrating is I feel like guys like.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Yeah. I don't regret our relationship. It's just, you know, I've been, I've been getting out there. Like I've been going to volleyball and run club and meeting people. I've been asked on a few dates.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
I just got to get through one more month and I move away and I'll be a little older.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
I'm not. I'm going to the beach with my craft today.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
You get riled up when I... Yes, because it's my anxiety because I look for things because I'm trying to make sure it's going to work before I invest feeling.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Exactly true. Because I saw in the beginning, he didn't take down his photos from his Facebook with his ex. And that bothered me. And I talked about it. And he finally did like five months in. But he was like, oh, I just don't go on Facebook. That was his excuse.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
But then he took them down. Like he finally like.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Well, cause I asked, I just told him like how I felt.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
That makes sense. That makes total sense. I think that's exactly what I needed to hear, honestly. So not that I'll be in the exact same situation again, but if I was in a situation similar, would you just recommend like taking it really slow or like just being like, Pressing instincts and being like.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Well, yeah, but I just mean in instincts in general. Because usually if something comes up, I try to talk to somebody about it and see how they're feeling. Because I don't want to read into something that I don't know. Because there's always something that comes up.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
No. And I didn't know all the details until about, Like not even all the details.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
When he originally said six months, he also said, well, we've been having issues for years and it made it seem like he had like slowly like displaced himself over years. And I was like, well, I can relate to that because sometimes you're done with the relationship before it fully ends.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
I just didn't want to feel like I was splitting hairs and asking for so many details. I was just trying to have fun and get to know him.
The Viall Files
E923 Ask Nick - My Grandma Cheated
Yeah, I'll give you an update. All right. Thank you.