On today’s episode, we hear about: · A woman wondering how to have a hard conversation with her sister · A nanny unsure of how to support the family she works for as they’re going through a difficult time · A young man questioning if it’s time to make a career change Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at Bon Charge. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: How do I approach a difficult conversation with my sister about her husband?
How do I tell my sister that I don't think her husband is right for her?
That is some thin ice, Sister Veronica.
Yes.
So let me ask you, what's your ultimate goal for like a big conversation? You want to leave him?
what up what's going on this is john of the dr john deloney show taking your calls on your marriages and your life and your brothers and sisters and kids and mental and emotional health whatever you got going on in your life i don't know very much but i know i can sit down with hurting people and listen and just show up and we can together figure out what's the next right step i've been doing this for over two decades and it's one of my great honors when somebody calls and says hey um
The lights have gone out, and I need a little bit of someone to hold a candle up so I can figure out what's the next right move. If that's you, give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291 or go to johndeloney.com slash ask. Real people going through real challenges all over the planet. It means the world to me if you will take one second, hit the subscribe button or the –
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So I'll just get right into it. Um, my question for you is how do I tell my sister that I don't think her husband is right for her?
That is some thin ice sister, Veronica.
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Chapter 2: What signs suggest my sister's husband might be emotionally manipulative?
Just different things that she would want. He would always find some way to say that, like convince her that she didn't want them. A small example in the past was she wanted this certain type of dog that she had growing up. And he said, no, we can't have a dog right now. We don't have a big enough house. And then turned around and convinced her to get a mastiff, which is a really large dog.
And that's just a little thing. But things like that over the years have piled up. And I feel like it's just getting worse and worse and worse.
Yeah. Tell me about your sister.
So she's a really kind and caring person. She is the oldest of the three of us. So she's got that big sister energy about her. She has always gone to bat for me and my younger sister. She's also been like a guiding light for us, but her friends. as well. She works as a nurse. She's very caring and she's a very devoted mother to her two children.
And I feel like she stretches herself thin for everyone in her life and doesn't always get a lot in return, which is hard to see.
Yes. And that's your entry point.
Mm-hmm.
I would be very careful. Unless you are witnessing violence or you're witnessing abuse, then, of course, I'm going to throw myself right in the middle of it to protect people, right? If there's just a continued, this guy sucks. He's just lame. I don't like him. I want people to be careful. I want you to be careful about talking about how bad he is. Because here's the thing. If she stays...
if she stays with him, then you have driven a wedge between you two.
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Chapter 3: How can I support my sister without damaging our relationship?
Mm-hmm.
Some get in fights, right? And some have a roadmap for how to deal with a grieving partner because of something happened in their life growing up or something, right? Or they have some friends who reach out and say, hey, here's what has to happen next. And so some of it might be he's just immature and doesn't have a good roadmap, right?
And that's why I always want to be careful because if your sister is struggling and she has never said, hey, here's what I need right now, she's got to take some ownership of that too. And maybe she is like being very clear and he's like, yeah, I don't really care about that.
That's why, like I say, throwing a grenade in the middle of this, if he's just kind of a bum or just kind of a man child or just kind of like he doesn't know, maybe it's you telling your sister, I feel like I want to talk to him. I mean, I'm just throwing things out there. I just know... Don't do that. I take that back. Don't do that. I guess I want you to go back to what your goals are.
If your goal is to break up the marriage, or your goal is to plant some seeds so that she breaks up this marriage, I would tell you to be very cautious about that.
Yeah.
If your goal is to... I want to make sure I'm heard... Knock your lights out, but every time that's somebody's goal, that always comes with consequences. And if you're okay with the consequences, cool. If your goal is for your sister to recognize that she is worth more than the life she's living right now, then that's a totally different conversation.
That's less about how much your husband is leaving things to be desired, and it's more about... teaching her how to advocate for herself, teaching her how to speak up, teaching her that she doesn't have to work so much, helping her with budgets, like things like that, that have some real world, what's the right word? Confidence building tools, right?
Yeah. I feel like that would be the better avenue to go down.
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Chapter 4: What should be my goal when talking to my sister about her marriage?
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Hello.
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Chapter 5: How do I set healthy boundaries with my sister's husband?
25, okay. You have taken on a ton of responsibility for this workplace.
Yeah.
And I know being a nanny is a different level of like you become part of the family, right? I get that in a way. And also you're an employee.
Yeah, it's tricky to navigate sometimes.
Yes. So I'm going to take a crass approach. Let's take nanny off the table. Let's say you worked at a local gas station. And the two assistant managers, one of them just like quit showing up all the time.
would you feel the need to do the assistant manager job and to fill that role for the same pay, even though that's not your job, it's not your job description, even though you can't affect anything that's going on between the two assistant managers?
I probably wouldn't.
I know. And my guess is this is impacting your home life too, right?
Yes. Yes. I actually just got married in December.
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Chapter 6: How can a nanny support a family in crisis while maintaining personal boundaries?
So for whatever it's worth to you, Marie, um, Your supervisor, your boss, your leader, whatever you want to call her, changed your business arrangement. And I know it gets messy because there's kids involved and you love those kids and you pick them up and you take them to eat and you laugh and you play and you fold their underwear. I get all that. And you're not a doormat either.
And if she thinks so little of you that you saying out loud, hey, you changed our business arrangement, I want to talk about it, and I've got a new marriage, that she looks at you and says, I'll just replace you, then you've learned all you need to know about your place of employment. And for whatever it's worth, I hate that she's treating you like this.
Yeah. No, I know it's not her intention, but I feel like she's been put in a tough spot.
but people put in tough spot can still treat the people around them with dignity and respect and kindness. Even if it's taking you out to coffee saying, Hey, obviously my life just blew up. Um, I'm going to need some extra help. I want to offer you to fill that gap. I'm going to pay you this much more. I'm going to do X, Y, and Z. I'm going to need that.
That's how people of integrity handle things. That's the owner of the gas station calling you and saying, you're a great employee. The assistant manager's a flake and I need some extra help. Here's what I can do. Are you interested? Not looking at you saying, if you don't do all this extra work for the same money and absorb everything from a missing father, then you're somehow disloyal to me.
I'm going to replace you. That's lame. That's just lame, dude. It's dishonoring. Are those the kids in the background?
They are, yes. I haven't had much of a break these past few weeks. I'm sorry.
No, don't be sorry. I'm glad I can hear that. It provides a reality for the world you're in. You can't even make a phone call.
Yeah.
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Chapter 7: What are the challenges of balancing work responsibilities with personal life as a nanny?
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All right, let's go out north of Oklahoma to Alberta, Canada, and talk to Theo. What's up, Theo? Hey, Dr. John. How's it going today? Doing great, brother. What's up with you? Oh, just living the dream. Anytime somebody says they're living the dream, they're for sure not. Oh, it's the nightmare.
I'll tell you what.
Oh, man. Okay, so what's going on, dude?
All right. So just to jump in with my question, how do I know if I'm ready to move on from my career as a lawyer and find a new career path?
I mean, I can hear it all over you. The answer is yes. What do you want to do?
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Chapter 8: How should I handle changes in my work role and employer expectations?
I've got an amazing group of guys and other friends that, you know, I can be really, you know, vulnerable and open with and not be afraid to share my feelings with.
So where's your crisis coming from? What's making you question if I want to do this anymore?
It's really just the, just the, environment itself. Like I love the substance of, you know, what I'm doing. Like I love, You know, reading cases, I love doing research. I love, you know, I love being in court and getting, you know, arguing in front of a judge. It's just everything else, the noise that comes with it, that's been really hard to deal with. Pull it apart for me.
Be specific.
What's the other noise?
Yeah. Parents weaponizing their kids? Watching kids sob? I'm just running through some things. Oh, sure. Is it... Watching parents weaponize their children? Is it having to depose a six-year-old? I mean, what is it about this job that is wearing you out?
I think it's just the adversarial nature of it. It's waking up every morning to a million emails in my inbox where it's clients getting mad at me. It's lawyers getting mad at me. It's me having to deliver news to multiple people on a daily basis. It's... You know, I very recently lost a lot of faith in just the system in general of just really...
You know, decisions being made by judges that make absolutely no sense and having to wait years to get into court to get any sort of resolution for clients and knowing that, you know, they're just... you know, it's, they're scraping by on a day to day basis, just not being able to deal with their issues and just not being able to help people.
And just generally like the thing that's frustrating me the most or struggling that I'm struggling with the most is just how everybody's so unhappy all the time. Yeah.
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