📈 Are you on track with the Baby Steps? Get a Free Personalized Plan ✅ Help us make the show better by taking this short survey! Rachel Cruze & Ken Coleman answer your questions and discuss: "My new husband and I both have major trust issues when it comes to money," "We are $25k upside down on a truck," "Should I rent a studio to my parents?" "How we can remain content while renting over the next 24 months?" "How do I protect myself if I move in with my boyfriend?" Support Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp 🏥 Learn more about Christian Healthcare Ministries 🏡 Get started today with Churchill Mortgage 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe 🏦 Go to FAIRWINDS Credit Union for an exclusive account bundle! 🥗 Save 15% on your first Field of Greens order with code RAMSEY ⛨ Find top Health Insurance Plans at Health Trust Financial 💸 To find out more about student loan refinancing, check out Laurel Road 💻 Visit NetSuite today to learn more 🗂️ Use promo code RAMSEY for 18% off at The Nokbox 🎥 Get your tickets for The Chosen Season 5! 💵 Learn more about Timothy Plan 🏛 Get started with YRefy or call 844-2-RAMSEY 🔐 Visit Zander Insurance for your free instant quote today! Next Steps 📱 Watch the full episode for free in the Ramsey Network app. 📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET or click here! 💵 Sign up for a free training with our EveryDollar team! 🤓 File your taxes with 100% accurate software that’s 20% of the price. 🎟️ See Dave Ramsey and Dr. John Delony LIVE in a city near you 🛒 Preorder Build a Business You Love Now at Ramsey Solutions Listen to more from Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What trust issues can arise from financial infidelity in marriages?
So I was just wondering how you guys would handle this. My husband and I are newly married about six months. We were both previously married. I was married for 26 years and he was married for seven. And both of us through our relationships, it's like we both had financial infidelity by our partners. So I found out that my ex-husband had been lying to me about money for well over 15 years.
And then his ex-wife, she left him and then tried... He's a farmer, so they have a large farm, and she tried to take the whole farm. So there's been a lot of infidelity there on the financial side. So both of us have these deep fears of combining finances from... you know, previous relationship. We don't know how to handle moving forward financially together, biblically speaking.
What do you mean, biblically speaking?
Well, I know from listening to your guys' podcast, you say the two shall become one, and that includes finances. And there is just a lot of fear there with combining and afraid that you're going to get what you got before and that you're going to find out, oh, my gosh, this person who I was supposed to be able to trust was lying to me.
And then his side of the fence is, well, if I open up to her and I tell her what's actually going on with finances, she's going to mess me over and take me to the cleaners again.
Yeah. I get what you're saying. Here's what I would say right out of the gate. I actually think if I were in your shoes, and I understand the trust issues, so what's going on with both of you is very natural. It's very normal. I think you guys got to get with a therapist without question and work through this. But I would tell you that just practically speaking,
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Chapter 2: How can couples overcome financial distrust?
I think that the fact that you have your finances merged and shared actually creates greater accountability for both, right? So that the trust at least has some type of transparency. Now, just because you share accounts doesn't mean that financial infidelity isn't happening. However, one big step going forward to me is, okay, there are no separate accounts. And we both see what's in there.
And even just getting into an every dollar budget and beginning to look where every dollar is being spent, all of that begins to create so much transparency that trust is in some way a byproduct.
I'm not in any way saying that therapy doesn't still need to happen because, Rachel, I want to get your thoughts on this because I do think we need a good therapist to help us both heal because they've both had this trauma. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, you've both been burned, yeah, by the exact same issue from an ex-spouse. So yeah, Christy, I mean, you're not crazy by any means for this to be so heightened and so aware. But I would also just challenge you that the man you chose to marry and that you chose at the altar and said those vowels, what caused you to say yes to him? What were those things?
He loves Jesus big. And I respected his walk with Christ and who he was. His character was so good. And he was different than anybody else I had met.
Yeah. So I think what can happen is our emotions and from our past, it's almost like a neuropathway in our brains, right? It has been formed for you that with money, it's like, don't trust, don't trust, don't trust. And over time, you are going to have to build a new way of trusting.
And I think even leaning on kind of just those facts of what you just told me, Christy, like this man is not your ex-husband. And I know me just saying that doesn't wipe away all the emotion, but just you have to trust yourself as well.
And I think when people get blindsided by a spouse, whether it's financial infidelity and affair or something, there's almost that fear of, I can't even trust myself. How did I miss it? Right. You're probably asking yourself, how did I miss it for 15 years?
Right.
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Chapter 3: What options do we have if we're upside down on a car loan?
I got to say, Christy, I think you guys are on the way. I believe... marital counseling here because neither one of you were the bad guys. You're both victims. That's an interesting combination, and a professional will get you guys the tools that you can heal.
I think you commit big time to some serious therapy, one time a week maybe, and let's dive into this and come out on the other side, and then I think you guys will get there. Really, really interesting call. Thanks for trusting us.
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All right, let's go to Shelby in Seattle, Washington. Shelby, how can we help today?
Hi there. So I am in a bit of a pickle right now. I'm a stay-at-home mom, a new stay-at-home mom. So I was working previously, but now my husband provides all the income for our family. We have an eight-month-old son. But our biggest issue right now is that our vehicles are taking up way too much of our budget. And before we got married, my husband bought this really nice truck that...
he could afford or he thought he could afford then. Um, and that was before we met before we got married. And now it's costing us almost as much as our mortgage. Um, and we owe about $25,000 more than the car's worth right now.
25 more than it's worth or what is it? Oh my.
Okay. How much do you guys owe on it? uh about 55 55 000 okay and you're thinking you can only kelly blue book it for what 25 about 30 30 25 30 yeah yeah yeah is your husband willing to get rid of it he is um and he's actually making um a big chunk of
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Chapter 4: Should you refinance to handle overwhelming debt?
After he's been driving it for two to three years.
I think I would take the hit, too. You're also going to get a real raise here after you start knocking out some of these debts. So I agree with Hubs, but I want to make sure you hear what we're saying.
work the snowball okay and he's right about that with the extra income however take the hit and get rid of both cars yeah what were you doing before shelby before you went home as a stay-at-home mom yeah i was a court clerk okay okay um because i'm just trying to think i just know a family right now personally and she's worked she was a stay-at-home mom for years and she's working three days a week now to get them moving and going so i'm like i just i just wonder for a season um
If there is something that's – and I don't know what that looks like. I don't know if you – you probably can't do that virtually. I have a photography business on the side, too.
How many hours a week are you spending on that?
It's not super regular that way, but I'd say it's probably – Maybe $1,000 a month.
Okay, that's great. But I'm with Rachel on this. I wonder if we take that skill set and experience of being a court clerk. So we're talking about details, right? Good listener. You're administrative in nature. Is that right? You enjoy that and you're good at it? Dotting the I's, crossing the T's. I wonder if you don't look into maybe doing virtual executive assistant or something like that.
Even if it's 20 hours a week, 30 hours a week. Because you can do that in your sleep. Something like that.
Yeah, because I'm just thinking, how much do you guys make a year when he goes back to his normal salary? How much a year? Normally about $100,000. $100,000 a year.
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Chapter 5: Is it a good idea to rent a studio to family members?
But...
Rachel, your mom at some point is going to tell your dad to wake up and smell the coffee. Is she not?
She has, and we've had the pastor intervene and family members with the spending habits, and that's why they are where they are right now.
Does your mom work?
She works 12 hours a week.
Okay, well, if I were her, if she was calling this show, Rachel, right now, I would tell her as much as we talk about combining finances and being one as a team, he is the most risk possible for her not to retire. So if I were her, I would be working 40 hours a week and I would be creating my own retirement. I mean, honestly, because he's a child. Like, this is crazy. You know what I mean?
Like, it's just...
But here's something I want to point out. Rachel, please speak up to this, okay?
You, Rachel, Phoenix, Rachel.
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Chapter 6: How can newlyweds plan financially while renting?
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
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