Small Changes Now Mean Big Wins Later
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How do I handle financial abuse in my family?
Yes, sir.
Hi, Brittany. How can we help?
Hi there, Dave. I was calling for some advice on how to handle a very financially abusive relationship regarding my mother and father.
Talk me through it.
Okay. The basics are my parents are still together and I'm in my 30s. It wouldn't be a big deal for me if it was just my mom and dad. But the problem lies with my parents raising the next generation. They actually raised my sister's twin daughters who are now 10. And I'm terrified that it's going to ruin their upbringing like it kind of did mine.
What's going on? What are they doing?
Um, my mother is financially reckless. I mean, for years, I mean, she did prison time for stealing from her employer when I was 16. Um, once she got out, she took out false loans in my name, my father's name, um, false grants through the state. And she's just been financially reckless on credit cards in her name and my dad's name. And it's just left them in financial ruin.
Wow. She's not only reckless, I mean, she's like a criminal.
She's a toxic human being, yeah.
Wow. So what does your dad do?
And the problem, well, once he finds out about certain things, he does have a verbal confrontation with her, but he rolls over and pees on himself, basically, and he won't stand up to her. And I think his spirit is just so beat that he won't stand up for himself at all. And I'm just left here as the auntie who's trying to make sure that her nieces don't go through the same situation that I went through as a child.
So you experienced all of these things as a child because she was doing the exact same behavior and he was doing the same behavior. You talked about that twice. How do you think it affected you? Because you sound pretty adjusted to me.
I'm not saying it didn't hurt.
I'm not saying it wasn't a problem. Lots of therapy there. Was it lots of therapy? Is that what did it?
Uh, therapy helped a lot removing myself from the toxic situation. My mom kicked me out when I was 17, um, right after she got out of prison because there was a fight between us on, you know, the vehicle situation after she got out. So I, you know, I had to grow up real fast. I raised my younger sister for the last four years of her life.
How does somebody with a criminal record get, um, custody over two seven-year-olds?
Because it was over 10 years after the fact. So after 10 years, their felony is erased or expunged from their record after seven, I believe.
Okay.
So, and they were in the system. So they, they went through the process to do parenting classes and become foster parents and they got custody of the younger two.
So whenever I hear a conversation like this, I always want to ask what feels like an obvious question, but it's only obvious when you're looking from the outside. It's really hard to see on the inside. What of this can you do anything about? And the way you've outlined it, you can't do anything about your mom's behavior. She's been who she's been forever. You can't do anything about your dad's behavior. He's been who he is forever. The state has awarded these children. Right. So what can you actually control here? I guess you could sue for custody if you want to take the two girls, or you can have this big, I call it like a William Wallace type speech to your dad, and maybe you'll get through to him, which I can tell you right now you won't.
No, I've already done that.
There he goes, right? So what are you looking for? What are you hoping happens?
Maybe some advice on how to proceed, because I know my mom's a lost cause for me, given our history. Your dad is too. We don't talk, we're not on speaking terms.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
How do I handle financial abuse in my family?
0:53β11:44
2
Is bankruptcy the right choice for my business debt?
11:44β25:54
3
Why is communication key in business and personal relationships?
25:54β47:40
4
What should I do if my spouse and I disagree on finances?
47:40β57:55
5
How do millionaires build their wealth?
57:55β1:23:18