Bobby Lee
Appearances
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, shit. And you shouldn't say that. You should not. Megan. Anyway. Let's play a game. Shut up, weird eyes. That's what she said about me.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
We can do it ourselves. We do them all the time. Ready? Yeah. Which one do you like? I'll go first. Go.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I know that. And the reason why he said lemon, because it's yellow now.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I lost. I don't think that's true. I think it's true and it's rude.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You know what I would do with you if you were my sister?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Every day. That's the show. I would sneak into your room. I would clip hairs from you. Oh, God. No, it's not weird. No, it's just, yes. Well, it's definitely fucking weird. It's not weird. Wait, I'm listening. Thank you.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, in the woods, right? And I would find the perfect one.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And what I would do is I would make a demonic epitaph. Right? I would take this.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah. I would take this hairs, right? Jam it in the fucking squirrels, your mind and their mouth part of the skull, like in that part, right? It would be sticking out. I would take a stick, right? I would probably put like frog warts.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I think that does something. Like frog skin. The warts. Just the warts. I would squirt it on it. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And then I would get black handles. Black candle. Yeah. And I would put a circle and put this epitaph. Is that the right word? Epitaph? No. Yes. Effigy? No, no. No. Yeah. Effigy. Sure. Right? And I would do demonic, like, seances.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And it would haunt you. And I would be gleefully laughing. Anyway.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I take it back then. I won't clip your hair as I'm making it. Here comes the bully. Yeah.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
What? Yeah. You want to see my... I made a little thing. What? What did you make? Oh, yeah. Maybe we could join the science. Like an effigy or something? Like an effigy, dude. Right? Show it to me. Look at that. Keep it in my pocket all day long. Are those black candles? Yes, they're black candles, right? Whoa. These are her hair. You're awesome, Lee. Yeah. Do you feel sick at night?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Bingo. Whoa. Go, go, solo, boy. Ship Station. We have an online business.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And without Ship Station, I think we'd be lost, my friend. I would definitely be lost. Life in general can be chaotic, Andrew. You know this. Yeah. As do I. Yeah. And if you're in charge of order fulfillment for an e-commerce business, you know that's its own special kind of chaos. But with Ship Station, you can count on your day-to-day remaining comms.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Seamlessly integrate with services and selling channels you already use.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Go to ShipStation.com and use code BADFRIENDS and sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com, code BADFRIENDS.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, I feel so many good things about money. What do you feel about money? Safety, security.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I'll tell you another thing. When I first started making a little money, I remember investing in some mutual funds and stuff, and it makes you feel like it's going somewhere.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Head to acorns.com slash badfriends or download the Acorns app to get started.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
My math teacher in the eighth grade literally did this. I said something like, I'm here or something. And he went.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
In front of the class. The whole class laughed. And I laughed too, nervously. It's terrible. In my mind, I was like, I don't think that's right.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
No, so I did a movie with Jim Belushi. Iconic. Four months ago.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, you're so good. I can't get why I won't buy you. That's wonderful. Oh, wow. What a wonderful treatment. What a good experience. I like it. Oh, no. Yeah, I'm about to snap.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Anyway, him and Dan Aykroyd still tour with Blues Brothers. I found that interesting.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Jim Belushi, in his own right, was a star. He was on a sitcom called Look for the New Jim.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. And he can do a lot of things like John did. Wow. Okay? The talent is in the family.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Okay? I don't like your line of questioning here. That's just an honest line of questioning. You're right. I'm being awful. Thank you. I love you. Thanks for doing it.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I was telling these guys, I haven't been sleeping much.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And it's been five days of holding within my cum. Don't you just cum in your belly button? No. I'm trying not to relieve myself in that way. That's why his balls are purple.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Some people get blue, I get purple. Okay. Purple bows. Sorry. That's how my dad said it.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Purple ball. Bobby? Yeah, Dad. I don't know why I do an accent when you talk, Dad. That's my bad.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, from heaven. Thanks for bringing that up. I didn't know. Yeah, yeah. He's gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I don't know if that's right. It was. Yeah, you think that. You called me. Yeah, but you were the one that told me that when regular girls haunt people, they go boo. And what does my dad do?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. My theory is this, Lisa Giller, if you want to hear.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
When my father died, my brother and I argued about the ashes.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So then I go, just split them up. But I go, make sure my brother gets the upper half and I get the bottom half. Because if a ghost haunts you, you'd rather hear footsteps than the actual.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
and that's why that's why I clip your hair and make a squirrel epitaph I wish you would kill me yeah me too you had a grumpy day too?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Do both of them the belly rubs? Remember his belly.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's your last chance to get a belly rub. I'm sorry. I said that I clean them out now, my belly buttons.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
yeah because they get him fixed at some point they get him fixed or they get him like pushed in that's an Audi no thank you they don't push him in oh yeah you gotta get your uncle I think I have an Audi based on that photo can I just show you yeah
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Wow. Do you like that show? Yeah, I love it. It's a great show.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
He's confused. He didn't even know that there was a guy.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. There's a lot of good shows out now. I haven't seen anything. You've never seen Severance?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And she was in Australia. Yeah. You saw a documentary on Netflix?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I can't do an Asian accent. I've got an Australian accent.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So talented. Can I tell you... Is this UCB? Am I wrong? It is UCB.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Largo. Can I tell you a compliment about Jason Manzoukas? Sure. I was on a sitcom called Animal Practice.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Why do I bring up Mixology? I wish you would. It was my favorite show that I ever did. Yeah. There he is. It was a sitcom on NBC called, and the star was the monkey. He's on the right.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so look at the poster, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tyler Labine, Betsy Sedaro.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So the show got canceled and it was the day. Can I get a duh? Duh.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And I was going to Seth Meyers' birthday party. Name drop. You know who produced it? Huh. The Russo Brothers. Joe and Anthony Russo. Joe, welcome to the Russo Brothers Pizza Place.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
,,,,,,,,. P P P P P P 19 PD. , , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a and a and a and a and a and a a a a a a a a a P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P G dunpl.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G. ,G. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
He's seeing you. What the fuck you doing, sir? Dad? Yeah, son. Hey, dad. Hey, son. What's up? Where have you been? I've been on the bus all day long, man.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
After Endgame. They did Captain America Civil War, right? Endgame. All those ones.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, I'm driving it. I'm taking the ladies. You know, talking about my fucking pineapples on my pizzas. I have a good fucking angle in, man. I miss you, pop. I miss you too, son. What happened to you? You die?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, fuck you, dude. What have you done? A movie that you can't even get off the ground? That we're not going to fucking do? We're going to do it. You're all talk.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Ooh. You're right. Yeah. They look like little vagas. They look like something's going on.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. I got four days. Yeah, San Diego. It almost killed me. It's bad. When they go bad, it goes bad.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So you're not a part of any company, any production company developing anything for you?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's a zombie movie. Yeah, and he had funding. So we're all going to fly out. Not you, but I was going to fly out to Spain.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I don't like when you're being coy. We've got stuff too. Hey, we got stuff too, you know?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Right? And then last minute, he's like, I lost funding. I'm like, no shit.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Bobby and I are hosting the show and it's... So we would match you with somebody equivalent level.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So let me think of somebody that we could patch her up with.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Can I get through the smell, though? It was actually pungent. Well, it's your fault. I know. I fucked it up.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You go first. You're the guest. What are we doing to explain it to me? We're replicating your fart.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
The best what? The best version of your fart. Oh, good. Thank you.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's like a different interpretation of actually the thing. It's art. It is art. It's all subjective. I feel like I know what the order was. What was the order? You first, you second.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yours was like... Yours sounded organically farting.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Well, that was the talent. If you were on a date and a guy did that, is it a red flag?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty good. But would that be a red flag for you?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Anyway, can I finish this? I was going to the Seth. Yes, you have a competition. Right. And then so I was walking down Sunset from the store. And then behind me, Jason Manjus just walked by me. Then he looked at me and he paused. He gave me a side hug and he goes, I'm so sorry about your show. And I go, I didn't know him that well. And I thought, what a nice guy. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I never do. Me and Bob have never farted in front of each other. Never. That was the first time. And then I didn't even get cut out. It was so disgusting.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I'll only fart in front of an ex-girlfriend if they do a blood queef.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you. I'm a good, you know, I would be a good, an ad agency. I would be really good.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Let's come up with a different thing about like, you know, instead of like, hey, can you pee on me? Come up with a different terminology for that.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That's pretty good. What about poop? Mm-mm. You can't come up with one?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
To be there for me in that moment. What are you thinking?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You're a good one, Lisa. I would have got that wrong.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Look at the board. Toot to Connie. Yeah. It's from my mom's house. Look at the board. Bing, bing, bing. Yay.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Sorry, Toot. I just don't know how she would come up with that.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I lost and I was relying on the money to save my family's business. And this is going to be a triple suicide tonight at the new Khan Angadi's house.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Boo! Way to go, Toot. What a great newt, dude. If you ever repeat that again, I'm going to get... What? Slow down. No, fuck you, dude. Took you, dude. Dude, you can slow down. Really good game show.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That's true. My grandfather used to say that. Not everything. Everything involves pee. And I go, what are you saying that for me? You know.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Wow. Can I do a toothless and not toothless? Please. All right. Wow. And what did he say? Put the teeth back on. Don't touch me there ever again. Oh, wow.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
My grandfather was bilingual. He was a highly educated person. I come from a line of educated people.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, okay, they're a very good impression. Because if I said it in Korean, the joke wouldn't be there. Let's hear it. I don't know if I can say it.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That was good. Yeah? Yeah, it worked. I just said penis don't touch.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
This is a kid's show. Okay. I'll tell you some other Korean nasty words if you want to know. Bangu. Bangu, bangu. What's bangu? You know.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I thought he did. Is that why you did that face? Yeah. No, he's nice.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I know, but I've seen him online. I never met him. Oh. But we'll bib him if he needs to be bibbed. Every time I say husband, I make that face.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
All right. All right. Man, I bought my house 20 years ago, man, but it went down in price because of the gamdungis. Oh, boy.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I ate these mussels the other day and made my donkomok burn.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You're being, what do you think? Um. You're contemplating something. Right? Can we ask? Right? Stop this. Like, I'm over it. Watch this. That's what this is like. I'm over it. I'm unaffected.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That's very cute. Oh, farted. Yeah. Farting on the street. Yeah, yeah. I'm in Mexico City. I'm bicultural. Farting on the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too much. Let's go to the last photo.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, you know who's the, I just did a show, a TV show with the judge. You know who the judge is, right?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I am, actually. Monthly. Have you ever been in a magazine?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
oh oh oh hold on let me put it in portrait mode that'll make it good okay perfect thank you okay Santino do you want anything to submit to the magazine if I don't get in a magazine we're done okay ready yep just a little cheese yeah oh oh it's a weird okay yeah that's good yeah um google bobby lee in a magazine yeah I'm not a fucking magazine yeah and then google bobby lee magazine
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
What is a body part that you don't like about yourself?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
They put any Asian person and that's what comes up. Give me the second photo. Yeah, not me. Third photo. That's a great show. Oh, the fourth one is me. I was on a magazine.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who would wish for that? And the girls are the very far left in that photo I worked with after that.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
No, she was in my, I did these Korean dramas on Mad TV.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's a little sketch show that was on for a little bit.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I'm not going to look at you because I really hate you. No, you're not. Yes, I am. What's the third, fourth, what's that one right there? Not that one. That one. What is that?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That's the band, Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah. Go to that one where I'm holding the... Your Raya picture? Yeah.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Okay. Anyway, Jen Rosenstein. Andrew Santino magazine. Let's go.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Wow. It's very deep. What about you? What's a body part you don't like? Can I tell you? I have a story about my belly button.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, you're in a magazine too. You lied. I forgot that I did that. Yeah, I forgot about the Korean M. I'm sorry.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Okay? His group and his demographic of people that he hangs out with is star studded.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I mean, I can name some names, but the places he goes with the people that he goes to, oh my God.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Look at this. Who's in the front row of a fucking basketball game? Celtics game.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
No, it's just a story. It has nothing to do with that. I don't like my belly button. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Something that happened. So I literally for 20 years never cleaned it. My belly button.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Brother. Sister. Thank you. Hey, brother. Brother. Brother. Okay, now we got to end it. Now we really got to get that. I have to leave now. Literally.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You can't go. Thank you for being a bad friend. Say that in the thing.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And I was with a girl who was so embarrassing. We're in bed. And she goes, why is your belly button black? I go, what do you mean? She goes, I mean, when I look at it, it's just like a black dot. I go, I've never looked at it. And she's like, is it dirty? So I stuck my finger in it and I did a scoop. It was like a scoop of soil.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Gilroy. Clap around. Clap the hands of the Lisa. You're so talented. I'm enamored by you.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It was so embarrassing. And she was like, I'm going to go home or something like that. Imagine if you just grew something in there, it would be so cute. Yeah, what? Plant a little seed. Like a tomato plant? Yeah, anyway, and now I clean it religiously.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Is there a body part you don't like about yourself? I asked you first, but yeah. I'll tell you mine. What is it? My testicles. And I'll tell you why. It's the wrong color. Thanks for coming by, Lisa.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah. Would have been a great callback, though.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah. Try to use another animal practice reference. But my point is that it's too dark of a purple.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You've seen it. I have. It's way too dark. No, it's very dark. I'm thinking about getting bleached.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Exactly. Bingo. And there's a ring, a purple ring around the actual shaft. Let's move on.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I know, I know. Exactly. Have you been on a sitcom?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's not you got fired. It's just the whole show is done.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
In our animated show, she should do a voice. We already talked about it. Okay.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
But if we had a show, hypothetically, and he goes, hey, Lisa, do you want to do 15 minutes? Could you do it? Yeah, I could do it. Okay, that'd be fun. Yeah, she could. Yeah, she could.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
We did. Yeah, yeah. Jack Black. Yeah. Jack Black farts, which are magical farts.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I guess it's just always been there, your comedy instinct.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, I'm part of your fucking arrogant way about things that you do. Really? Bobby.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Your dreams are going to die. Your people are weak. Hey. I'm kidding.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. Are your parents oil people? Shh. Don't bring it up. We're not allowed to.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. He sounds mean, but he's very nice. Oil monster. That is an oil monster.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, I like that character. Can you make up a character on the spot? Is that how talented you are?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, right back to it. Yeah. So did you start there or did you start in LA?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Lisa Gilroy, I find that- Sentiment to be rude. Thank you. And I'm going to tell you something you said the last time. Bobby, let's gang up on her right now. The last time you said to me, you go, I thought you were going to be crazy, but you're like super nice and sweet. It's a thing that you assume that rattles my mind.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I know, she said that about you, both of us. She said, she goes, I thought you were going to be mean. Mean, that's what it was. Yeah, yeah. We're not mean.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Wow, did you see that, dude? Pretty good. Yeah, we should call Pixar or something. Yeah, call Pixar. Yeah. Do you have... What? Give me a character.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, I already know. That's your way of saying that he's handsome.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You think she has an Asian fetish, your imaginary friend?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, I know you would. I would too. You fucking pervert. I would have it, but I want to say, let me direct you, okay? That's rude. Yeah. And what I'm saying is that Leo's one guy, right? And he wants- He looks up at so many people. I know, but he wants 25 or younger and supermodel. Like you. That's not my demographic. No, the girl that I made out with last night was 33.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
So it's like, you know, it's not the same pool that we're fishing from.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah. What I'm saying to you is that I've seen your pool as well. Oh, that's so funny. And I can expose stuff about you as well, right? This guy flew out all the way to New York.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We're the medium guy. But then she got blew up and went uglier. Oh, yeah. That's what I meant. That's what I meant. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm going to go down. I'm going to go downtown. What's been going on, Jules?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And I want to say, like Ali Wong in her book. Ally Wong in her book, right? She says. She has a book? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And then when she came to LA, I didn't hit on her. I showed her around, right? I met her places and I go, this is where you eat. This is where the good clubs, this and that, right? Yeah. I showed them the ropes. There's no sexual intention there. And you know that that's what I'm like. All my openers are women and they're all just friends.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You know, I treat you like a peer. All of you guys. Maybe better than a peer. Yeah. Like Alex Costa. You know him?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We go into Patagonia yesterday and I'm going to buy something. He goes, Bob, can I buy me something? I go, yeah. And I go to this register and I'm bringing things in and it's $600. And the thing I bought was $80. What did he buy? This fucking complex winter jacket. Yeah. Right? You bought it, though. Yeah. You did. Yeah, yeah. I was so livid. Right?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And what I'm saying is, you guys treat me like that, too. Like, we're peers. I want to say this to you, right? And it's not a threat. It's an order.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I'm Zelensky, for sure. Oh, yeah. You attack me first. No, this is... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're Putin.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, you do. Yeah, you're closer to Putin. Yeah, you're closer to Putin. So what I'm saying to you is that I love you, right? I love you too.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You're the king. Okay, you're the king. Because we're partners. Bishop. Andreas. Rook, rook, rook, rook, rook.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, pawn, pawn, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is... Carlos, you know, honestly... Yeah, knight.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, because he goes, he lies. Oh, he deceives. Yeah, yeah, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, you know what I mean? Yeah, what is she? She's a bishop. She is a bishop. Angles, angles, angles. Angles, angles.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
That was so good. You little fucker. You are a good fucker though. So she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was Bishop moves there. Yeah, that's great.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
He's so mad at you. You don't know about this guy. Those little things, they seep into his- You know what's really funny? Look at it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Do you remember when she was mad at us? Oh, yeah. That was the most heartbreaking two weeks. I broke my heart. It really did hurt my feelings. What? It hurt my feelings. What? Your mom's a hoe?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, very good. And you know what? Another thing you do that drives me crazy, my friend.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Why is it when I recommend you something, you never watch it? But when anyone else recommends it, you watch it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Like I've been asking you to watch different things and you don't watch it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
See, like now. Notice. Did you notice? I saw. Yeah. I've been telling you that. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Pure love. It's the kind of love Mother Teresa gave to the poor. Same. Exact same. Yeah, yeah. It's that kind of unhinged. Undying. Undying love. That's what I meant. Anyway.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
24 hours a day. And she's giggling. Right, right, right. And I recommend nothing. Nothing.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
It is. That is true. Don't ever raise your voice like that to me. Okay. Why is it different?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the one we love, yeah. Back then they did it with religion, right?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Now they're doing it with TikTok and capitalism. Get ready with me. And we're all slaves, right? And I love it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Naysa 2 is out, okay? It made $2 billion in China. It's the greatest animation movie I've ever seen.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
When I said red line, was I close? Did you hear that? It's already in Chinese. It's all in Chinese. Was I close?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
There was a Mongolian guy on my show, and I kissed him in the lips. And he just came here from Mongolia. And he stood up in petrified, and he goes, I don't know what's going on.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Look at that. Look at them. They're all data from fucking Goonies. They're dressed like that. What a peaceful life. Don't you want to do this with me?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Might as well do a Mongolian Spider-Man. Might as well do it. There's a window open. Let's go. Spider-Man. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and there's no fucking buildings or trees. So they're doing trees. Maybe trees. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, but the guy that's doing the rice on his head, you know what I mean? He can't go.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
But do you know why he's doing this? Because Elon Musk and the tech stuff, remember?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
But there's a lot of tech people from other lands. And then Trump goes, I don't know. You know what I mean? And there was a controversy. So now I think this is a way for them to get in.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I thought. What would you do for us if we got you a $5 million gold card? And let me preface this by saying we're not doing it. Yeah. Yeah. But what?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
What would happen? You do this podcast every week. You're basically buying her.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You know, kick me one thing. Today I woke up from my nap, bacon. Were you cooking bacon? Love bacon. Yeah, yeah, bacon throughout my house.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Another thing she does is, do you not like me? Because even when we live together- We never see each other.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
There is fact that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But even when you're there, trust me, you don't leave. And what do I give you? Donuts. Old fairy donuts.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guess what you've gotten me as a gift? Zero.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
What are you talking about? You don't cook the whole thing? I'm not going to eat 15 strips. I know.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I get a call. Can you harbor and take care of little Jules and the dogs? And I said, kindly, my heart is out to you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
In the yellowest pee you've ever seen. Wow. Yeah, Jimmy O Yang yellow. Wow. Yeah, that's the most yellow you can get.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, shape down syndrome, but I don't think it happened.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
. . . . . ., a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P, gener as. , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a el in That brought you back to the Dark Knight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That situation, remember?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, I can't. Now you feel bad. Yeah. Yeah, right there. Okay, so that's me and Ken Jeong.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We had a whole storyline and they cut the storyline out. We really did. Isn't it in like the DVD? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Because we'll put another image. Yeah, because I feel like what I'm saying is bad. Okay, okay. Yeah. What would I eat? Go ahead. This is your shot. Rice. It hurts, but I love it. Now we're on the same playing field.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
That's why I gave it to him. I thought he was doing a joke, like you were in the Special. I don't even read it. Well, I know you didn't read it. I just read Special Olympics. He's trying to make fun of me. You think he's attacking you. He's attacking me, so I didn't read the whole thing. Yeah, don't put that in there next time. But you don't get anything.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, wow, wow. That's great. Yeah. So what kind of size mattress are you sleeping on?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, honestly, that was rude. Honestly, I want to be honest with you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, there we go. You come in here and I'm being a child. And I'm like, I'm going to just state the obvious. But he is a talented young man. He's extremely likable. I could see you on a sitcom. Me too.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Let's do a scene. The title of the sitcom, Way Different Strokes.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Dallas. Wow. So could we come to it? Will we get comped or backstage, all that stuff?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I mean, who's there, dude? Dave, let me be honest. Imagine a 12-year-old skinny kid.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I'll tell you why. Okay. Can I tell you why? Go ahead, go ahead. My bud.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I feel like I'm being the mean one. Yeah. And he's playing the nice guy.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like the things I'm saying, I'm going to get fucking lynched for. Not lynched.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Crucified for. Honestly, I swear to God that wasn't a thing. Interesting choice of words. Yeah, yeah. I swear to God that wasn't a thing. I swear to God. I swear to God, dude. Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be crucified for and you're going to be the saint.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
This is serious business. We're talking about serious business. Okay, let's get to the serious business. And what I'm saying to you is that, you know what I mean? The civil rights movement.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
What I'm saying is, is that, you know what I mean? We fought hard. Who is you?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yellow Panther. Okay. Well, I did my own speech. Okay. You want to hear it? Hate speech? No. You want to hear my speech? Yeah, go ahead.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
but you know me it was it moved those four yeah yeah it really did okay yeah i'm telling you he's but we're but we're we're bonding worlds here we're bonding really we're like do you prefer like let's let's see you and i went to war okay i'll go ahead you and i went to war okay we're in a war yeah yeah yeah um i'm fine wait before i keep can i just say something because you mentioned war yeah did you know that now they're not gonna allow transgender people in the military
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I just got it, Andrew. And I want you to say it. A sequel to a movie. And tell me the movie.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Okay, so all weekend I did not sleep at all. You were doing shows. I know, did not sleep. How? It was so cold and the heat was too heat. I don't like it when the heat's too heat. You know what I mean? What is your perfect optimal room temperature in a hotel? Probably a 70.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Okay, all right. Look at me, little guy. A big guy, whatever. You know what I mean? I have a little dick. I have malfunctions in my body, right? A malfunction? Yeah, and I've had people tease me my whole life. Why are you talking about your body like it's a machine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been bullied.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You remember when you used to, in casting directors, you'd be like, we're looking for white, Hispanic, and other. Right, you're other. We're other.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I feel it, man. Minorities, for sure. And you're a success. And you're killing it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Can we help you? I don't think I need help with anything right now. I'll be real. Because I'll be real with you. This is going to say some bullshit. No, I'm not going to say any bullshit. I'm not going to say any bullshit. Go ahead. Because I was dear friends with Ralphie.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And I never said anything. Rest in peace. I never said anything.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And I've always regretted that I didn't. It's like... You know, when people have a drug addiction at the store, right? I always go up to them. If you ever want to go to a meeting, I'll take you. And I always do.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, I know that for sure. So what I'm saying is that, jokes aside, is there anything we can do? Because it's like, at the end of the day, we want you to get healthy here.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I know, but what happens is it's so cold through the window, it combines. And there's a horrific... Oh, it's like when the Atlantic and the Pacific meet. It's like, no, I'm more like an angel and the demon. Oh. And they're dancing in the air. And I don't really like that.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We have so much in common. We might be like- Blood hurt. Did we just become bad friends? Yeah, yeah, we did, yeah. I want to do a movie called War Babies with you. War Babies, yeah. I'm not going to war with any of these. No, our father was black. Yeah. And he did a couple of wars in different places. And then we're offspring of that black man.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
But go ahead and ask the question. I don't want to. Go ahead. I can't. I can't. Why? The time passed and it's rude and I don't like it. What was it?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I can't. The timing. You know how in comedy there's timing? Yeah. Comedic timing. Yeah, yeah. It had to be there. I don't have the confidence to say it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
It wasn't going to be funny, but I was just curious about when people see you get on the boat, do they get scared?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah. And they don't get scared, so that's good. I've answered my uncle. I love you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Congratulations, player. We got to fly these bitches out. Yeah, you got to fly them out.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I don't like it. But you know what I do like? Huh? And it's polite. Okay, sometimes it's a combo shower bath, but if you want to take a fucking shower, you have to actually go in the tub and do the shower, and then you get wet. Head out. But you know what this clever fucking friend has? A little window.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah. You know when they're using you. No, no, I don't. Now, no, I don't. What do you mean?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, man. But that's happened. Has it not happened to me? Mm-hmm. It has?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah. Black Youngster. Let's see photos of some trench bitches. Let me read the lyrics. Oh, shit.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
That's a really interesting... That's a really interesting question. That I really never had the answer to.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You remember that? Yeah, that's right. And it's a clever little... Smart. I like it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, we have a Hulu animated show. We do, and we have a game. And we would love to have you in it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Okay, okay. But we'll... I swear to God, we're going to use you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I want you to look in that camera right there and say, thank you for being a bad friend.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
But I hadn't been back to Cobb's The last time I was there is when Ken Jeong attacked me in the green room.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Like 15 years ago. So I pointed to all my openers. This is where it happened. And I positioned the chairs. He turned around like this. How nice is Cobbs? Honestly. And then after that, I did a MySpace corporate show with Al Madrigal, Ian Edwards, Natasha Leggero. Ask everyone that works there. When I got off stage, I started to cry. I bombed so bad. And then I went into the kitchen.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah. I know. That's what I'm talking about. It's an inner lingering slow burn of anger.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Well, MySpace isn't even around anymore, is it? That's how long ago it was. And I got on my hands and knees, and I vowed to the gods, I'll never play her again. I've always had bad luck there. At Cobb's? Yeah, so I haven't been there for like 15 years.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I don't think I... There's no... They got rid of it. They got rid of it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
They didn't have internet back then, so they had to physically make it. They physically make a space for her. And she says, my on it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
That's my space. Yeah, yeah. And then you draw your friends, right? Your top 10. You draw the faces. On the walls? On the wall, yeah, yeah. Walls with fire? It's really good. Yeah, with fire. Yeah, so it's cool.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
To your graduation? I'm calling. Of course we want to go. What did we talk? Of course we want to. Do we wear a suit? What did we happen? You know what? We'll dress like men in black. Just casual.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We're going to be bright. I want to wear those. I'm going to bleach my hair. I'm going to wear funny goggles.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We're going to dress up. That's you and me. Are you going to really do that, though? I'll do it with you. Yeah, let's do it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And then three years from now, they work at fucking Chipotle. That's mean.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We were in South Korea? Yeah. That's insane. We support the women. We really do. That's crazy. Did you get pussy in San Francisco? No. What happened was this, and I did one of my old school high school tricks.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
No, you go cute. You go cutesy-poo. Right, so what happened was she came to a show. So there's this girl I met years ago on Instagram. Very pretty. And then she kind of like disappeared from the DMs. But then she's like, can I get a ticket? Because they're sold out, right? So I get her in. I do come up. Some high school friends came up. Then she comes up.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And then I invite her to dinner with the gang. And we go to the dinner. And then I kissed, that show for some reason, 10 dudes. Wow. From stage. She don't kiss 10 dudes with us. I know, but I did.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, I just, everyone would do it. Wow, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then she was like, how come you don't kiss me? So in the car ride, I made her drive by, I go, let's just do a kiss, right? I went like that. We kissed like that. A peck. Just a peck. And I go, let's do it again.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Samuel French. Yeah, yeah, you Pearl Harbor it. Right. Right? And then we just made out the whole time in the car.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
No, I'm making out because, remember, I haven't been jerking off.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Like 12 days or whatever. Pretty good. Right? Not last night.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Right? And then my penis went... You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Old boy Dave woke up. Yeah, old boy Dave woke up. Oh, we need to fight. Let's go. Black guy. Whatever. Bing, bing, bing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when you're making out with somebody, your body, it's just biological, right? Yeah, right. You're just super horny.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And I just, you know, four pumps and a fucking marshmallow came out. Yeah, it was so thick. It hurt. It's like wood glue coming out of your people.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
It hurt so bad. And it was like a pancake batter. Yeah, yeah. Am I Aunt Jemima? What's going on around here, dude? It was like... You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
It's thicker. It is way thicker. I agree. It's the thickest. I meant to say pancake. Pancake batter is the thickest. Yeah, yeah. Pancake batter is the best. What is pancake?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Well, you know, and this is a message to everybody. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. You're high, huh?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Is that, no? That's a part of it. Yeah. Yeah. No, what I'm saying is, is that, I think I used the wrong terminology.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
No, I mean, just the... The next person I like and that, you know what I mean, there's intimacy and stuff, I think I might go for it for long-term-y. Really? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, because, you know, some people treat me like I'm still open mic or bop. Who's that?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
open mic or Bob who treats you that way you mean women what you mean women yeah I don't treat no one they're just always like yeah like you know I can do better that kind of mentality and I'm like I don't think so I don't think so yeah you can what you can do better than the comedian in LA it's like the city where Leonardo DiCaprio lives You can do better?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I'll even do one you better, dude. Yeah, give it. Right. We're the hot guy, right, that she dated.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Was there a Karen Carpenter back in the day? What is? A Karen Carpenter. Who's Karen Carpenter? Huh? Who's Karen Carpenter? You don't know Karen Carpenter? I know Sabrina Carpenter.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And she was a drummer and a singer. And Jesus's father was a carpenter. Yeah. And she died from bulimia. From bulimia? Yeah. And I was trying to make a little, try to riff on something and you didn't know. So now it's kind of just, it was a dead end. I'm sorry. Hold on. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
with her we know a lot of guys here's a little secret everyone listening okay tell us we've had people on this show right unknown comics almost right people that are like really right that have hooked up with super famous celebrities Jeff that we can never we can never announce here Jeff died Jeff died like crazy thing like I know Jeff died It's close, but like crazy things like that.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
But if I said it now, it would cause so much ruckus and chaos. Yeah. And I've never hooked up with an A-list celebrity actress.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
He's a repressor, dude. Yes. Yeah, dude. I'm going to say this right now, dude. I've had enough of him setting the rules.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You guys, I would not be standing here right now or sitting here without it. My body does not move without energy shots. You know what I mean? Because I'm a sloth. Right. And I don't move to the rhythms of the universe.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I love these shots, man. Like sometimes I'm super tired and I got to perform in front of, you know, thousands and thousands and thousands of people. I get a shot of energy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
We're going to do it this time. You have to do it this or you're not doing it. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You know, I don't want to Google it because I don't think we can show it, but can you describe it to me? Okay, so when I- Okay, a hermaphrodite is this. Let me try the definition. Do it, do it, do it. Is a hermaphrodite somebody that was born with both genitals? With both genitals. Are they combined? They can be. There's a whole array of hermaphrodites. Now, which kind would you want to be?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, really? Really? Or I want to have the penis, right? And have the fucking whole of the penis be a pussy. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Great. So only like little rodents and things that can fuck it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It has the actual like labia and the clit, but it's miniature. Well, what if you have a penis and both- So Fraggles, like a Fraggle from Fraggle Rock and come back.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But are the balls big? Yeah. Okay, because I want regular size badges on the balls. Right, right, right. And then, right, what you could do is if Brittany and, what's her name? Abby and Brittany, the twins were lesbians. Yes, that's it. Two for one. Two for two. Two for two.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Or maybe go up on stage. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. We have work ethic. You know, you don't. And stop complaining then. You know, it's your generation, dude. I mean, we're gritty, dude. We are very gritty. Yeah, we click, click, right? You know what that is? Click, click.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You know, it's in the movie Temple of Doom. Yes. Right? When Kate Capshaw, right, is getting that soup. Yes. And she's really hungry. Yeah. And she's about to eat it. Yeah. And then the eyeball foots the surface. That's what I'm going to equate it to.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's a new show on TruTV. So if I honestly, be honest with me with your heart. I'm being 100% honest. With your heart. Literally, hand. Yeah, right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
honestly dude if i was a hermaphrodite okay and i showed you my vag yeah okay and it was like um i'm talking about like you know you know like kate mott you know like i'm talking about like you know i mean just the perfect perfect yeah yeah yeah rebel wilson Rebel Wilson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. I do. She's in Cats, right? She's hot. Yes. That lady in Cats. Yes. I like her.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Her vat. Like beefy. Rebel. Like that. Yeah, but beefy. Yeah. She looks like a nice, tight beef.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
We shouldn't talk like that about women. Yeah, maybe we shouldn't. We respect all women. And Jules, we apologize, right? But it's a very good one. Yes. And I looked at you and I went, you want to? You would? Be honest.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, but you're backwards but you can play golf all day. Exactly. You know what I mean? What kind of golf are you playing, dude? Scumbag. Scumbag golf. You don't play golf, do you? No. I know why. Why?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You're too manly. You have all the chin. You have the fucking, you know what I mean? You look just too manly to me. Do you think I'm handsome?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Just a white spectrum, it's like special needs. Right, right. But red, he's top of the line. Top of the line. The top redhead. And for little mythological Asian dudes, I feel like I'm the top of the line.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I think amongst them in a lineup. Like, you know that thing where they pop the balloons? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think the pandas would pop my balloon. No. They're balloons?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I was kind of juicing her up that night at the Hulu party. She loves you. Yeah, I think juicing was the right word to use.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, she's, you know what? Here's, can I be honest with you? That's what I'm looking for. She's beautiful, right? That's what I'm looking for.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Maybe I'm going to be my life partner. Yeah. Okay. Respect that. It's one thing to be beautiful, cultured. She is beautiful. I don't know. She's like my daughter. It's like looking at my dogs or whatever. There it is. But I love you. I love all my animals. But my point is this. I'm sorry. That's so rude. I apologize. I love you. But what I'm saying is that, you know, beauty, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And culture, right? But they need to adapt to every social situation.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I feel like your wife can adapt to social situations. Am I correct or not about that?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, it's so interesting. Wow, wow. It's interesting that I've never been to a church like that. I want you to come to church. Will you come to our wedding at the church? Yeah. I mean, I'll go to the wedding, but I've never, I know I've been to weddings in a church, but I've never been to like a Catholic church where they have the whole, you know, the bread and stuff.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Why haven't you, are you, is the acting thing not a thing you're going to do? You're very, I mean, let's get down to the business. At hand. Let's get down to the business's hand and look at this guy. He's going to sell out Madison Square Garden. Let's be honest. Allegedly. No, you're going to. Okay. Keep watching. So September, you know, and I'm going to do the show.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I'm going to try to do the show. There'll be an announcement coming soon. Yeah, yeah. You're now a talk show guy. I mean, you're on the talk show circuit. Yeah, you just did Kimmel, no?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's pretty good, though, comparatively speaking. Yep. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Keep going. All right. And can you act is the question.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And so I think we should do a three-way, you know what I mean, a scene between us three. I'd like to test your, you know what I mean, your chops here. I'm putting my product out there, Bobby, on a daily basis, and the people are saying no. That's what's happened. Okay, can I say this, too? And I want to say this. I'm thankful and fortunate for what I do have, but people are saying no. Hey, Guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Guy, Guy! Guy. Guy. Let me tell you something, Guy. There's a disconnect between this and that. between what we do in our ecosystem and Hollywood. Do you understand what I'm saying? There still isn't, you know what I mean, a complete direct line is what I'm saying. They think that what we, they don't understand what we do. And we don't quite understand what they do.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
But we want to do what they do and they want to do what we do. Why don't we do it together? You know what I mean? But they won't let it. You know what I mean? That's why- Are you in? No, I'm not. I've done some stuff.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, yeah. Oh, you did a more Asian analogy. No. Old West. Yes. It's the Old West. Oh, I know what it is. Let's say you're a cowboy. Yes. Right? And I'm a Chinese laundromat guy in Deadwood. Right? You come in. Hey, man. Hey, Chang. You know what I mean? Wash these trousers. Okay, Mr. Okay, Mr. John. Right? And you go, delivered to my house. Right? Okay, Mr. John. Right? Right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And I get through the laundry and I go in and you invite me in for a second. Right. Come on in here, Chang. And I go in. That's the only time you're allowed in that house. Right. Is that a good analogy? That's a good analogy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, you know what I did yesterday? What? My friend. I was in the green room before you got there, right? There was all guys in there. I just pulled my penis out. Good. Yeah. And everyone laughed. Yeah. Yeah. Like the old days. Yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. And I go, what's going on here, Michel? I washed your trousers. It's on the house. Please don't do this to me. And then what do you say?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I see. Yeah. Yeah. And then the next time you go to the fucking place, I'm just like wobbling around. Yeah. And you're going to still go wash my trousers. Yes. Right. That's it. That guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, it's whatever. Your choice, dude. You're the actor. Man, I've never thought I'd be standing in a place like this. Went out again? For my laundry to get done. Ain't no cowboy got time for laundry.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's existential philosophical comedy, dude. You have to think about it and ponder, dude. People don't ponder anymore. Just the Fonzies.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You sound like a lady, Cole. Lavender. What happened to riding hard and living free?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
They don't ponder anymore. Let's ponder. I know, dude. What did you ponder about today? I was able to follow you last night. Yeah. That's what I'm pondering, dude. I was scared. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're a Madison Square Garden comic now.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I feel like we're... That's the truth. Well, fellas, I reckon it's time to get our shirts back before she starts making us fold them ourselves. Don't... Wait, wait, wait. Don't want no part of the kind of work...
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
All right, let's go. Yeah, we got this from the Theo Vaughn and Spade movie. That's it. That's a funny callback. I like that. She was very good commitment. Very great. You grasped onto the Southern accent. That was really good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You followed, yeah. And God, Chris, you can act. God damn it. Thank you. Yeah. And one day... This shirt's designed to be inside out, by the way. I never questioned it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And you know, what I appreciated about it is that you haven't done one Asian accent since you've been on the show. No. Yeah, because why? Why? When you do it, you get some heat online?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And then people got mad. And they're going to be mad at that, you think?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I haven't rubbed it. Yeah, I know, I know. It's a tension headache. I know. When white people, when you have this, yeah, you got to stretch it out farther because it relieves the brain. You got to get to the temple. You know what helps?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. I do that, too, at home. I do it, too, and it feels so good. Your headache goes away. White people, I'm telling you, no matter where you are, you know what I mean? When you're in Taekwondo class or wherever you might be, at your local Chinese restaurant, if you have a headache, see right there? That guy has a headache. That's not Mickey Rooney.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And then I just said, yeah. Now, let me ask you, you're Asian, right, Jules? When you see white people behave like that, how do you feel?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's the thing. There we go. That's what we're talking about here. It's about we know each other. I make fun of white people's penises. I make fun of their dumbness. Some of their cultural misgivings. And I think if I know somebody, I feel like anything's... at play here.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Well, we have a friend, I don't want to say his name, but we have a friend that was working through that. He called me a couple of months ago, paranoid about a bunch of stuff online he was reading. He was super depressed. And I told this person, I said, don't read it. You just don't read it. I don't read anything. People go, oh, we'll read it. I don't even know. I've never been on it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. And that's how you have to live. Because if I did read it, I think it would affect me.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Ruby Tuesday. Rudy. Rudy. Ruby Cake. Ruby Cake. Hello. Oh, she's putting makeup on? Hi. Yeah. Wow. Oh, yeah. This is great. This is a special. Tiger Belly's going to do shit. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. But for bad friends, look at her. She was coming. I knew she was coming. Hello. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, I think I am. I think I am. I've been doing things that, let's be serious for a second. We're doing a lot of like, you know, this and a lot of crazy sand stuff, you know what I mean? All that stuff. But what I want to say is that there's another thing that I do is I... I was at the Chicago Improv and I was at the Schomburg Improv. I was in the green room and a waitress came.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Every green room, the club waitress, they take care of you. That's the head waitress? The head waitress. She's like, I'm going to be your waitress all weekend, whatever you need, just let me know. What's the tips? And so she goes, this is so-and-so and she's interning. And she seemed shy, but also she kind of looked me weird. She was like, she kind of looked at me like this.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And when they left, I turned to the comics in the room and go, oh yeah, she doesn't like me. And they go, what? I go, I can tell.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, I didn't. That wasn't when I did that. Yeah, I would never do that. All right. I would never do that. I would respect her too much. Okay. And that wouldn't be good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I know you did. It was my thigh. Exactly. It was your thigh. I know. Exactly. All right. So let's get that out in the clear. Yeah. But then two days later, she came up to me. She goes, hey, I just want, you know, I'm just like, I have a bad friends t-shirt. I'm a huge fan. Oh. So in my mind, I was like, oh, I make assumptions about people that aren't true.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And it's because I know growing up, I don't have to read my parents because my parents were snapper heads. Is that like a slur? Damn, snapper heads, ready to take it up all. No. For Koreans from San Diego. No, no, no. They were physically violent. Towards you. Yeah, yeah. And they would just, you know, and so every day was reading the situation and to protect myself.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Right. To like, for danger. And I do that. out in the wild, you know what I mean? And I'm tired of doing it because it's like, it's usually not true. You know what I mean? And I feel comfortable with when they don't like me. And when people like me, I feel uncomfortable, which I want to change that narrative as well.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I know that. That's a really good... I like those little... Yeah, yeah. I like those little... Just one more. Here's another one.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's what it is. Don, did you listen? That was for you. Oh, yeah. That was really good. What are you doing? What are you doing? Oh, there was a little advice I was telling him yesterday. You want me to say it? Tell him. Tell him. No. I shouldn't say it. No. Then why'd you just do that? Because I was practicing. Oh, yeah. You were practicing. That was very good, though. Very good learner.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Chris. Yes. I'll just tell you. Tell him. I could tell him. Tell him. But it has nothing to do with it. Yeah, yeah. I was just saying, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying is that, you know... When you're in a relationship, and I was telling a bunch of comics that's in the room, and you want to get out of the relationship, I can never end it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Because what you do is you have to find a window to get out. So you can force a window to open by doing some of my techniques.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to do that. Yeah. Okay. It was just an analogy. Or door to open. Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Right. Okay. So what it is, when you do the little techniques, and one of the techniques I was telling people was you want her to break up with you.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
So you do subtle things. And one of my techniques is you forget their name for a split second every time and you use a snap. Okay. Right. So you go, hey, Kathy. Right? Yeah. Hey, what are we going to eat tonight, Kathy? Right? You do that. Smart. 30 times. It seeps into their subconscious, and they don't know what's bothering them. They don't know what's bothering them, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And that's where the windows will open. Another one. I have several of them. Smart. What? Very smart, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Tell them another one. Another one. Which one? I think I've told people this one before on this podcast before. Let's hear it, though. I haven't heard it. Okay, you haven't heard it. Right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, so you can say the same thing. Yes. This is a different river. You never step in the same river twice. Oh. Yeah, yeah. So all you have to do this is five times. Okay. So those snapping 30 times, this five times. Okay. When you orgasm, you don't make a noise. You look directly into their eyes. They have to be looking at you, right? And you orgasm with your face.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I know. In order for you to do this exercise, you have to be doing missionary. So I have to have a mirror. This is what you do, right? You look in their eyes and you go, you go like this. You go. Like that, right? If you do that five times subconsciously, right? They will break up with you. Yeah, it's terrifying. Third thing. This is a basic one. You gave them the same present twice. That's huge.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's a good one. Because they usually say, it's just a thought that counts. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care, right? Here's two oven mitts, bitch. laughter You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Right-handed and left one for Christmas. One for Christmas, the other Christmas. That's smart. Right? Very smart. Those little tints, dude, the window will open, my friend.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's great. Brilliant. She broke up with him because she wanted an engagement ring and he gave her a hundred bucks cash. Yeah. I did this once and she didn't break up with me. Sarah Hyland. She couldn't even defend. She couldn't even back it up. The actress Sarah Hyland? No, there's a different Sarah Hyland. All right. The comedian Sarah Hyland. So Sarah, we were dating for a couple of years.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
The first year she gave me a vintage ring. painting from a store, like a vintage. She likes going shopping at like antique stores and vintage, you know. And then I gave it to her the next year. You re-gifted it. I re-gifted it to her. Smart. Forgetting that she gave it to me. Right. And it was super embarrassing, but she still didn't break up with me. Right, but she really loved you.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
She's bi, sexual, and she's a very funny comic, and I love her, and she's family to me.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You know what I mean? I've had a couple of situations where lesbians have gone, dated me for a couple of years. Yes. Everyone around them have been women. So I've never really questioned that about myself. You know what I mean? What do you think of that?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I get it. I've seen you look at me like that from across the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. I can see it. I go, yeah. Interesting. His skin is made of seaweed. Let's come up with another one of these window opportunities together so I can write a book.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's got to be a split second though. Everyone knows that. If you live too much of a thing, then it's noticeable. Right. And that's why I think the snapping is very important.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I'll tell you why those don't work, because my things are subtle, right? Subtle. These will cause arguments right then and there. Subtle, right. I don't want that either. Right. You know what I mean? I don't want to like, hey, I texted you. You didn't text me. I want them not to know what's going on. Almost like there's something weird, but I don't know what it is. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's a good one. But I've had fights like that before. Right. Where they go, how come you always walk ahead of me? Right, right. Yeah, or like, you know, or have you had this happen? You're walking with your girl, right? On a beach, wherever, boardwalk, let's say, whatever. Right. At a mall, right? Sure. And you're just walking forward and a hot chick just walks in front of you.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, whoa. They would do that. They would come out like, I'm gay, I'm Tupperware? Gay, Tupperware. I don't get it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
What you're saying, we all agree with. It's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like all these things. Now, when I say these things, I don't want to be in a relationship. Why? Oh, you told me another one.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, but that's different. That's different. Here's my theory okay, and I'm not a scientist as you know as you know right, and I'm not a dog you only look like one I'm emotional today you are I'm tired. I'm on the edge right. I'm gonna express myself please I believe that sperm is liquid love. Hear me out. When I'm jacked up with it, I love my girlfriend. When I release, I like my girlfriend.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
So in order for me to stay in love, you don't come. And that's what I was telling you last night. You never come.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, even I was in love with Kalilah. And even when I orgasmed with her, it's not like I hate, I love them still, but it's like, it's still less. Yeah. A little less is what I'm saying. Sure. Or am I in the shadows here?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
My checking work. I'm checking in the work at the factory. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Did you hear that? Click, click, right? And then you go, hello, Supervisor Monroe. They go, hello there, you know what I mean? Lineman. Look at this. What are you doing? Why do you have that? That's Andrew's seat. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah. It sucks. Oh, it sucks. You want to switch? No, no, no.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's liquid lust. Liquid lust. So what you're telling me is this, and maybe I'm wrong then, okay? That every time you orgasm with your, you feel the same exact way. What do you mean? You don't feel empty. Like empty, like towards her? Not just toward her, but it's just like, you know, you don't really want to cuddle as hard or whatever. You know what I mean? Hmm.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's not you, bro. I'm alone on an island. You're not on the boat? It depends on the person.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Let me ask you, your relationship with Sal Goods? Of course. But do you end it? Are you done with him?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It depends on the person. You're all liars, dude. Everyone in this, blasphemy. Yeah, yeah. Give me the book. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ, please, dear Lord, forgive these sinners. I mean, they do not know what they say or mean. They only do for public eye. Here you go. Thank you. It's insane. All right, let's go back then. Forget it. So I try to edge. That's all. I agree.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's a very male show. Right. It's on Paramount. And it's a TV show or a movie? I don't like it. TV show.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
What could I play? The Laundromat. No, the railroad. You build a railroad in the sea. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've already said this before. You know what I mean? We're in a different river, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
But I always said in the old west, I'd be opium. You'd be opium? Opium dealer. You'd live in an opium den? I'd be an opium dealer. Oh, sick. Yeah, yeah. I would get straight from China.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, no, no. Can we discuss that for a second? So let me see how that works, okay? So you come into my opium den, right? I go, right this way. You do, right? And you go, thank you so much. You're my favorite opium den, right? And we shake hands. And then when we release, I go, I got you. I got you. And then I can't.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You know what's crazy? He's the chancellor of health and he's been inside my house. Isn't that weird to think about? Isn't that wild? It's so wild that he's been- That like somebody- You've met Trump? Huh? Have you met Trump? When I was a little kid, never. Who's like the biggest politician you met? Uh- Love him. Voted him twice.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Who's the most famous guy you met? Politician? No, just in general. Newt Gingrich. Speaker of the House. Who's the biggest famous person you've met? Probably Colin Farrell. How'd you meet him? I worked with him. Doing what?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You were an actor on it? Yeah. Yeah. And you played lacrosse from him?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Was he nice? He beat me up. Was he nice? He was the nicest man. Yeah, he seemed so nice. He's the fucking greatest. Dude, how talented.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Really? And you could see you on Sugar? Yeah. You had lines and everything? I was in four episodes, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I told you last night, though. What did I say last night to you? I liked me. No, but also as an actor, you have such a distinct look. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if that was a compliment, but yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Do you think he's hit more than you, actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's way better looking than him. Yeah, good voice, too.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he doesn't look like a Greek god, though? No.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
In today's America. You're like an Italian baker to me back in the day.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Sidney Sweeney is famous. Oh, right, right. You did a movie with her too? Yeah, just now. Wow. Congratulations. Thanks, man. But you do stand-up too? Still? Debatable, but yeah. He's coming with me to San Francisco. Oh, you're doing a feature? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You have a good time. Cops, Comedy Club, shout it out. Oh, Fahim called. I'll call him back. Let's call him back. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Don't get sand crazy. I know how you get. Anyway, what'd you call me last night late at night for?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
We did a side hug photo, and I bumped my head against that. She's a wonderful girl, by the way. She's beautiful. We were complimenting her. I touched heads with her, and I came a little bit. Is that wrong?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's biological. Yeah. Thank you. So that's what you wanted to call me about.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
If you were at a zoo, let me ask you a question. You're at a zoo. You'd fall into a pit, okay? Animal pit, right? You have chimps. Would you rather fall into chimps, hyenas, or the third one's a good one. Joe Rogan zombie.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Okay. It's not good. Hang up now. With Bobby Lee? Hang up right now. Hang up right now. If you don't hang up right now, we're done. Hang up right now. Oh, you heard I said tell him I love him.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Bye. Okay. Oh, my God. Before we go, I want to say something. I have to rebuttal. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I will not go. I will not go. Yeah, you're not invited. Yeah, I'm not invited. I will not go, even if I was. I'm not going, you know. The next time I see her, right, it'll be a little different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be a little different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could have believed the attitude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It'll be political, but not as sweet. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be less. It'd be less. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not more. You're not going to touch her head. Won't be anywhere near her.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, keep her away. Yeah. Yeah, and anything to promote down your website or anything? Mustache Scott.com. I don't know. Okay, good. You're good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Chimps will rip your head off. I'll tell you my logic with the hyenas though. Tell me. You want to hear my logic? You know about hyenas? Because... What do you know about them?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Johan. Johan had something to do with it. The rest of the acts of Jehukim. But Jehukim, right, he was like Judas at that time. Yes. Right. But then like Job. Right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's exactly, that's the mystery. And that's what we're all asking. And theologians. Right. Right. And religious people are always asking that question.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Whoa. Let me read you my favorite. Yeah. I'll read you my favorite. I have my favorite too, dude. Oh, you want to go, dude? Here we go. Oh, my favorite parable, dude. Feroa's broken arm.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah. Oh, the seventh day of the first month in the 11th year. And I was 14 years old then. Really? By the way, a little side note. Oh. Okay. And that's when I lost my virginity. At 14? I was molested. Yes. Same thing. I have broken the arm of Feroa, king of the Egypt. Why'd he do that? Let me finish that fuckface. God damn, dude. Sea. King of Egypt. Sea, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It has not been immobilized for healing, nor set with a splint to make it strong enough to grasp a sword. And when they say sword, they mean dick. Yes. Back then. You know what I mean? The sword is a symbol of dick. Parable. It's a parable, dude. You know what I mean? And you can't grasp yours. You have to use two fingers. Right? We grasp. Yeah, we grasp. Carlos has a little dick? No, no, no.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's what Andrew likes. Anyway, you click, click, click. Opens up his butt. Okay. I know. He has back aches. Oh, my God. He has a spinal disc. What a gay little boy. He has a gay disc. He has a little gay disc in his back. He's a gay. They're dismantled. What a crybaby, huh? He really is. What if he hit his head on the toilet, remember? Yeah. Like a crybaby. How'd he hit his head on the toilet?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Fully erect. Like a penguin hand? Yeah. And I don't know how you got your wife pregnant, but that's a mystery. With style. Are you having a baby? All the style. You had a baby already? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just jammed your gummy penis into their vag? Wow.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Okay, nice. Jules, would you read Chris DiStefano, our guest, a parable of your choosing, please?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. But anyway, what did you learn from that parable, Jules?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, that's not what the parable was. Somebody killed a daughter, right? And then she killed the royal family. Not her family.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
So Jimmy O. Yang, Ronnie Chang, Dr. Ken. They're on my hit list. Margaret Cho. Who are your rivals that you're going to kill?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Just because... Maybe I'd kill... I think kills are harsh. Let's reframe. Kill Tony. Okay. That's not funny. You edited that part out. I don't like it. It's a play on words. I don't like it. Yeah, you don't like it. Right, right. So how about this, okay? You're in an elevator. Okay. You see people running to get in. It's closing. Okay. Sometimes you put your hand in. Right. Right, to stop it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Right. But who would you let it close? Who would I let it, whose face? Who would you close on? Right in front of their face. So what I would do, I'll just, and it has nothing to do with how I feel about them. I would just do it for a laugh. Who would you do? Fortune Feimster. Fortune Feimster. All right, so you're an elevator now. Who would you? Who's running toward?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Why? Oh, 9-11? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 9-11. I'm a hack, I'm a hack. No, I like it. Yeah. But I like it because I love him. Right, but so here's the thing. The reason I would do it to him is he wouldn't be, even when he's mad, he's not mad. No. He's too nice. And he was with a beautiful girl last night. Oh my, holy moly. Is that his girlfriend, I guess? It's a girl that he is seeing, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
She's beautiful. Holy moly. Holy moly. I hugged her so hard last night. I hugged her so hard. And I think he called me at one in the morning. I swear to God. And I didn't pick up because I think it's about the hug.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, we did a head, like here's what, we did a side hug. Yeah. But then her head hit my head. Yeah. And we touched heads like this, right? And I think our heads fucked.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
He got all woozy. Like, ooh, I'm redheaded. I get woozy. You know what I mean? He falls over. With a nerd swing. Ooh, this is so good. Wait, what's mine? The Vietnamese one. What's yours? A white man's one. Mine is... Dude, dude. Because Andrew's not here, you're going to... I like it. Yeah. What'd he say? I can't do this today, man. I'm so tired.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
They really do. They get sand crazy, dude, right? Right, right, right, right. And they start thinking of crazy things, you know what I mean? Like taking a bag and putting some sort of contraption in it and just putting it on the side of the road, right? They get sand crazy, dude, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You think he does it with it? Yeah, you know, I envision him putting a mask, right? Having a pole, right? And then having someone dressed like Luke Skywalker. You know what I mean? Oh, God. You remember that movie? Yeah. The New Hope? Yeah. On Tatooine? Why are we attacking such a nice guy? He's a great guy. My point is that- And he's got a beautiful girlfriend. So we hit heads. I came, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
He called at one in the morning, right? And I didn't pick up because I knew that's what it was about. Right. Like, why'd you fuck my fucking girl's head?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
He auditioned or I don't know. He should do it. But not only should he do it, he's the best writer on the West Coast.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Fahim at 1211 he called. What do you want to talk about? I don't know.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You want to do it? Yeah, I do. Because I want to say to people right now, I have empathy, great empathy for the people that lost their homes.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I'm letting you stay at my house because of the fire. Right. Because Kalilah's house was in Altadena and they still can't get there. Right. So the dogs and you can stay at my house forever.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It got saved, but they can't go into the area. Got it. Okay. Because of the lead. What? Because of looters? Carlos, what?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Because of the fucking chemicals and stuff that's in the air, man. Oh. God, dude. I don't know about chemicals, man. Yeah. Anyway, so then what happened?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
No, dude, I could have died. Because I fell asleep knowing that you were my garden angel and I could have died.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Wow. I texted Rainn Wilson today because his was just devastated.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. It's awful. I texted Sebastian. His is fine. Oh, he is? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, but her house is the only one that didn't burn down. Seriously? Yeah. They cried today because they bought their first house. They're in the desert, right? No, they're in Altadena. No, now they're in the desert. Yeah, yeah. And they cried because they were the only house standing. What they don't know is that for the morning last night, I took Fiji water.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You did that? I did that, dude. Why Fiji? Because it's my favorite kind of water and also they're Filipino, so I thought it was close. Right, it is near it. Yeah, yeah. My point is that I saved their house last night. Let's give it up for Bob saving the house. Anyway... It was... You're a hero. It was scary. Honestly, though, I don't know if... Because I would text your wife. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
So last night, what happened? You're saying garden angel? Garden angel, dude.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I go, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm doing... We were communicating.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And I'm going to have a problem right now. They don't know where you live. Yeah, they do. Look at this. DraftKings playoffs? Playoffs? We're talking about playoffs? We're talking about playoffs. You bet we are, Andrew. Get in on the action at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
He's a garden angel, dude. He's a lawn gnome, dude. He is, kind of. So last night, when did you get in? I kept texting you on the flight.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Try betting on something simple, like a player to score six.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids, and your retirement.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You know, for me, I've been starting to invest in Acorn. You have started to invest in it. And you can do it easy. Easy does it. Easy does it. But you know what? It gives me a little bit of security because I trust Acorn.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And you have to have something to leave to them. And they love Acorns too.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Head to acorns.com slash bad friends or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Well, guess what? Build a perfect outfit in five minutes or less. Everything goes great together.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I have winner must-haves, my friend. Yes, you do. Long-sleeve Hennellys.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Start the new year off with clothes that actually fit right. Just go to my exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash badfriendstosave.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Last night... I texted Carlos because I was so tired. I go, I'm going to fall asleep, but just in case, if it gets out of control, I'm going to leave my bedroom door open. Hot. Yeah, and then wake me up. I have the bags packed. Get the cats in the cradle. Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Never got one from her. I got one from Verzi. Adrian Ippolucci. Paul Verzi.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Wow. Big, big, big moment. Big moment, dude. Sold out, I heard. It's sold out. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
What is the Phantom of Barbara about? I know. I've seen the posters.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Oh, yeah. I love dark and twisted. Tell me what it's about.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Well, I just see that photo right now and there's a black woman. I don't care if there is. Sounds like you do. No, I'm just, it's curious. Is it set in the South? Yeah. Is that racist? It's set in Alabama.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Remember when you tried to charm me? I saw a couple of them. I didn't like it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And it's Newsome Falls. Yeah, yeah. So it's that mayor we have. Where are you going to...
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You mean like do a better second season? Yes, we don't do. We almost. Well, I mean, Severance's should be good when it comes out.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
On Severance? Yes. You saw it already? It's out already?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Well, the third one, you know who's in it? You? No. How are you not in it? I'm not Korean. I don't speak Korean. Yeah, you fucking do. No, I don't. I'll be able to say, where's the bathroom and pussy. I mean, those are the only words I know.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, where are you going, baby? She's done, dude. She's done, dude, right? Yeah. She's cooked.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I'm going to go. So the Squid Game, can I just do a real quick review? Give me your review. What's surprising about it is I was fearful about redundancy.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Right? In your mind, you're like, okay, where can they go with this? Because they gotta showcase the games again, right? Yeah. But in terms of the angle and the different kind of characters that are in it, I mean, I really like the trans character in it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, she had honor, dude. And you know what? They do have honor in life. All of them? All of them? The ones that I know have honor. How many do you know?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Be real? Yeah. Two? And they both have honor. They're so honorable. They're not honorless? They're not honorless. None of them lack honor? No. Yeah. They know who they are. They know who they are and they know what they're doing. Is that what honor is? Let's talk about A Complete Unknown 2. Such a phenomenal film.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's phenomenal, but what I liked about it is there was a sigh of relief once I heard Timothee Chalamet talk and sing. Right. Like when he's... next to Woody in the hospital. Yeah. And he sings a song for Woody, right? And there's a part in the song where there's like a little bit of hold of a note in the song. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Like, Madam Mayor, have you got anything to say to the people of Los Angeles? You cut the fire department fund and all that stuff. And she kept it quiet. But last night, right? So I'm like, I fell asleep. I'm like, okay, Carlos asked me. This morning, he liked my thing. Which means that he had slept through it. So if my house is on fire, I'd be dead.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And he was just so committed and he sounds so much like Bob. And I began to cry because I'm like, I think he got it right. You cried in the theater? Oh, yeah. Wow. Ask Gene. Gene Hong would keep looking at me and I literally weeped. What's so funny?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Do another season, Gene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. All right. No. Because him and I had walked out of movies before. Oh.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But this one, we always do a little Korean glance at each other. What? A little wink. Yeah, to see if we're going to leave.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You know what I mean? So I looked at him, and I had tears in my eyes, and he was very pleased. Yeah, he's proud. Proud. And I used to work with this girl, Monica Barbaro. She's so good. Yeah, Joan Baez. She's so good. She's so good in that movie.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And the movie is. Carlos. Carlos, come on. She's very pretty, but.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I know. I know. It's so funny. Yeah. She's gorgeous. Yeah. But the movie was just great. And I saw. So good. Another one was gladiator too. You see it? I haven't seen it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's just like the lounge again. We're going to bring it back to the lounge.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This is what gaslighting is, okay? You have no fucking idea. Okay, if there's a light on- You think it's Cirque du Soleil, you fucking- If there's a light on and I tell a woman, I go, there's no light that's on, and I try to convince her that the light's on- Go get some gas. Yeah, so what I'm saying to you is that- You bring the gas. You bring up lounges and comfortable seats all the time.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You love it. You love it, too. Anyone going to a movie theater, I want to let you know. I went to go see with my mom, Nostrofto.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You saw it? No. Okay. And what I love about going to the theater with my mom is she's so weird, no one approaches me.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
My mom was laying down. Beautiful. You know when you wait in line to get popcorn? Just off to the side, she had just laid down because her back hurt.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I know, and I was, me and my brother are just squatting next to her, like, come on, get up. How about this? Come on, get up, right? She's like, no, no, my back, my back, right? And we're just, and no one approaches us because they think, you know what I mean? They think it's either a family crisis or an emergency of some sort, right? But they don't approach.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
A Simple Man is a Coen Brothers. Yeah, that's right. Stephen Park's in that. Yeah, it was really fucking tough. It's hard to watch?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
So it's like falling down. I thought that movie was... Falling down. Dark. Very dark. Very dark.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. I thought Falling Down was the best representation of Los Angeles I've ever seen.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
There's no way. There's a lot of things they should, like closing the windows when you're landing. What's that all about?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Because there was a scene where he's going on an off-ramp on the 101 or whatever. It's so traffic-y.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, like it's such a great- Like you see Santa Monica and Western, like that kind of LA where it's like, it doesn't, you can't really see that in movies. It's sort of like, it kind of looks like Mexico.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You get a mixture of a lot of Hispanics and then you also get a mixture of like tourists that I kind of made the wrong turn. Chinese tourists.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I know why they do that. Why? So when it's on fire, you can't see. You can't see it. So no one panics? Yeah, so you don't panic, right? Here's another one. Tray table. Why does that have to- Be up? Up or down or whatever, whatever. Couldn't matter. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Because us, me, you, and Tim Dillon were talking about we have to stay.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But what if I had a house that burned down? I have to get a building permit to rebuild my house? Of course you do.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. What are they going to do with these stars and stuff? It's not just stars, dude. I mean regular people too.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And that's why it has to stay in. No, all people. No, all people. Altadena.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Don't keep it in. No, I keep it in. I'm scared. It's fun. Stop. Please. Shut up. Yeah, you shut up, dude. Let them know who you are. No, I don't know who I am. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a good guy.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Also, can they do this? I called you two hours ago, right? Wow. Yeah. So they did an evacuation alert on everyone's phone. Two hours. Did you get that?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Who's the guy like, watch this, John. Beep. You know what I mean? And then the fucking, like who's in charge of that?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ship Station. You guys, we all have an online business. Do you have one? I mean, we do. And we use Ship Station because we only use the best. Life in general can be chaotic, but if you're in charge of order fulfillment for an e-commerce business, you know that's its own special kind of chaos. But with Ship Station, you can count on your day-to-day remaining calm.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Another one. Here's another one that drives me crazy. Give it to me. I feel like we're doing hacky road stuff. What is that? We're driving and flying. What is that, Seinfeld? Yeah. Not good? Well, you just did it. That was my dad.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use code BADFRIENDS to sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com, BADFRIENDS. Shopify! So it's the new year. It is. It's 2025. God bless. And you're probably thinking, how am I going to make this year different? I don't know.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Am I going to build something for myself? I'd like to. I'm dying to be my own boss or see if I can turn this business idea I've been kicking around in my head into a reality. But I don't know how to make it happen.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Sometimes when I go to a restaurant, I'll read reviews. You know what I mean? I do some research. You do. But I do that for my health. And that's why I'm on ZocDoc. That's right. Okay. Am I too busy? These are excuses.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, Andrew, from mental health, look at me right now, to dental health. I know. Okay? Primary care to urgent care. Look at me right now. And more.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Anyway, another one is, some of you poor folk, some of you poor folk might not know this one.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Wait, how do you know? Why do I have to be surprised? Why can't you be surprised? Well, if you did any organization for this show whatsoever, then you could. Yeah, but I don't want the surprise. If you're not going to get a surprise.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's for my nails. I have High Street Beast. What's High Street Beast? Clothing. Sick. Oh, shit. Yeah, sit down. What a prince. What a prince. Prince, look at the prince here, dude. Blesses us. Yeah, what happened to your glasses?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I want you to see if you can guess, all right? You can have the waist, right? But what else do they want in first class sometimes? What are you talking about? Have the waist? The waist seatbelt. Yeah. Right? There's another thing they tell you to do. Sit up straight? The shoulder one.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. Shout out Paul Lee. You want to wear the cans or do you need them?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This isn't your mom's house. As you got successful, your skin cleared up. Did I have bad skin? No. You almost have perfect skin now. That is so weird.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This is how good Jimmy is doing. This is how good Jimmy is doing. And I want to be honest with you. Your ex-girlfriends are girls I couldn't even get, I don't think.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Let's talk gospel and truth, babe. Right. Thank you. What I'm saying to you is that the girls, I've seen your ex-girlfriends. Do it like the gospel. Do it in gospel tone. Give me an example.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
There's an aura. Brother? That's not true because the last party I saw you at, who was the aura? You. You were the aura.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You're the aura, my young man. I'll tell you why. All right? It's because we went to Awkwafina's New Year's party.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Right? And I came late. He came late. I came late with a woman.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I'm not going to do the voice. We walk in. Who was on the dance floor?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You were dancing like a little butterfly. I was trying. Okay, like a little Korean butterfly, right? And you were the flame. We were the moths. No, no, that's not how I saw it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Keep complimenting. Jimmy, let me start, right? And I remember me, Gene, Dom, we all went to you. You didn't come to us. We came to you on the dance floor. We took a photo with you on the dance floor, which means you're the light, right? And we're the moth.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
No, but okay. I'm going to ask you a question. There you go. Mark Zuckerberg.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's always white girls on Raya that I match with. You know what it always says? What? In common with Jimmy O. Yang.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It says it right there. I see it. Come on. Damn, dude. Do you know her?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Come closer. You do know her? He does. I do know her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
What? Let me see this girl. Ex-girlfriend? No, no, no, no, no. Okay. How do I see her photos? I'll show you. That's hilarious. Wait, Bobby, did you talk to her? Well, I forgot to read the Jimmy Yang part, so I did say hi.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
That's like, you're in. And Jackie Chan. I know. I understand that. I'm not exaggerating. I swear to God it is, right? But this is what I find. Because, I want to say this. One time, I saw you.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Let me look, let me look. Fucking hot, dude. Hot, dude. So one time you were at the improv, this was years ago, and you had a girlfriend, right? Uh-huh. She dressed in an Asian thing.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Really? Yeah, and then she also had, her purse had like pearls in it, but it looked like, you know, the green JD, you know what I mean? It looked like an Asian bag. For real? Yeah, so I'm wondering, with this girl, I think you are the influence. Once they meet you, they become more Asian. And then now, you mean it opens them up to our market. That's, you know what? Let's put that out there.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Once you go yellow, you find yourself another Asian fellow. I think that's what it is. That's it. You're the opening. I've felt that too where I've gated a white girl and you go to their house and you go, oh yeah, they're prone to us.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
yes yes they're aware yeah there's like a poster of like Mulan or something Naruto anime yeah and then there's like you know a lot of bamboo and bonsai trees those Chinese stress balls yeah those stress balls yeah yeah George has those at his dinner table 100% um
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Some of them are not. And you've seen them, have you not? I think so. I think so. They just won't. They won't do it. What are you talking about? Some white girls, they just won't cross that line.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Write a letter to Karen Bass, dude. Dear Karen Bass. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Are you fucking telling me that you and I are on two completely different categories? Yes. Yeah, so tell me what the category I'm in, Jimmy.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
That's the glory hole king, baby. It's getting around, right?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I get it. I've accepted it. Right. I'm not fighting against the- Because I've seen beautiful women with you. Yeah, no, but what I'm saying is that I have to say that he's still in a different category. Yeah. Yep, so are Carlos and I. But when we get casted, we're in the same category. That's my problem.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You guys are no fucking... So I was up for the Joe Coy part. Did you do that part?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Me too. Literally every flight. So I get up, right? And the stewardess goes, what do you call them? Flight attendant goes.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
No, there was a part that he said he had written for me that I got offered. I couldn't do it because I was doing Borderlands.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But I've also been in other situations where Jimmy O. Yang got the part and I didn't get it. But that's just because it's... But it was for the same part was I'm saying that he beats me out.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You have to sit, right? And I go, but you're standing. Yeah. Cirque du Soleil.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I understand that. I understand that. I know we're different. Yeah, he's Chinese. You're right. Do you know what I mean? I take that back. Thank you. I'm older. Also, be nice to the Chinese. I love the Chinese.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Everywhere. Oh, no, here. Everywhere. Baskin Robbins. It doesn't matter where it is.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I mean, you guys are the ones that we go, oh, my God, there they go again. I can't support that stereotype.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Look at all those people skipping in line. They're all skipping somebody. Or what are your qualms about Chinese? My qualms? Yeah. Is that a Chinese word? What's qualms? Is that a real word? Yeah, qualms is good. Yeah, yeah. My issues? What are your issues about Chinese? Do you have any?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You think you have better balance than me, Cirque du Soleil? Cirque du Soleil, but yes. Whatever, right? I bet you money I want to see the stewardess. Cirque du Soleil? Yeah, I want to see it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, but what's with this Cantonese stuff and Szechuan, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Okay, so if I'm in Hong Kong, let me... Cantonese will be in Hong Kong. Cantonese. Yeah, yeah. Say something in Cantonese. I'm going to see if it's harsh.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Because they can't get a voiceover guy that has a harsh. Go Mandarin.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, yeah. It's just an aggressive thing, you know. And, you know, what's up with Tai Chi? Is that a martial arts or is it a meditative thing that you're doing? It's a little bit of both. I've never seen anyone fight anyone with Tai Chi. I don't think you fight Tai Chi. It's an exercise. Yeah, dude.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But don't you think that they're perceived as the best or no? What do you think, Jimmy?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Right? Don't pretend that you're log champion. You're not. You know that one? That's a log champion. Look at my form, dude.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Is that when you're gonna go to Korea? That same time? We're gonna go to Korea right after. Okay.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But you just said that you could beat me even though you're not good. Go fuck yourself.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
That's right. Jack Black sat on that chair. A lot of famous people. A lot of famous people sat on that chair. Wow.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
That's great. Good for you, dude. This is amazing. It's huge. It's on Hulu, right? Yeah, it's on Hulu.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
What I'm saying is that, no, if you're standing, I stand.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
None. So this is your first one. This is huge. Yeah, it's a big deal. This is huge.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I can't believe that I gave you that suggestion. It's sound advice. Yeah, but you didn't go with advice.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I think we did it when you were in, I remember the day. It was when I was living in the apartment on Beachwood.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, yeah. That's when I gave you the advice. I don't remember now. The Beachwood days. The Beachwood days. Where are you living now?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Here's the thing about whites anywhere else, okay? It's not that they have hatred. It's that they don't see people like us often. Like when I was in Butte, Montana shooting that movie. Yeah. I was at an AA meeting, okay? And some guy was pouring coffee in people's glasses. The guy came up to me and goes, hey man, sorry we don't have any green tea. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Don't be kung fuing. It's somebody that isn't around us that often, and then they just want to be nice. That's right. But it comes out a little racist, but I don't mind that. It's just people are just trying to acclimate themselves to us.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I think it'd be better, huh? Let's do it. We can get, how about this? I'll do this. We'll get a place. Keep our houses here.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
If I call... This is new. If I call my Asian sister's sisters... No. What I'm asking you is, what's the problemo, por favor?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Female friends. Female friends as anything remotely sister or anything like that. No.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, yeah. All right. So, well, Jimmy and I, when we go back to the meeting. Yeah, when you go back. We have our meeting once a month. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, you know, Stephen, you, everyone goes. Yeah. And we have some of our, can I call them sisters now? But like, like Awkwafina, one of our sisters, we're going to change the lingo. That's the lingo now.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Oh, you know what, dude? I'll be Chinese. Yeah. Because I don't want to steal any more words. Or you can be Hyung. Young. Okay, good. You are young. But now what you're saying, Jimmy, is we have to memorize every fucking Japanese, what fucking brother and sister means. I'm not going to do all that.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Are there other Asians you asked to be on it? Who else is on it? Yeah. I don't want to give away the whole lineup, but I'll tell you later. So let's promote some of the things, Jimmy. So Jimmy, do you have the TV show on Hulu? Interior Chinatown on Hulu. The Forum you're playing?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, I might be doing it. Yeah. Number three, what else? Your Instagram handle? What is it?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And please support our brother here. He's one of the best. I've always loved him.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's brilliant. Do you ever get, one last question if I may. Please. Wrap it up. Have you ever had a white girl see your penis and be surprised how big it is? Thank you for being a bad friend.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I didn't listen to a word you just said. Let me say something, okay? I know you didn't. Carla, you've been to the airport with him, right?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
What's up with him in the lounge? He's always like, meet me in the lounge. What am I? I'm like, I don't want to go to the lounge. I want to go get a snack. I want to eat food.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
One last thing and then we can move on from the thing. They should have obviously at the gate a first class line.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This is relatable. This will be a relatable thing. And then they should have, they should, no, I'm not done. Okay. They should have the groups, you know? So you have group B, C, whatever, the lettering or the number.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Okay. You wanted to start a fight, dude. You even said it. Okay. But what, so what they should have. No, I'm not done yet though. All right. So then they should have also a line that they don't have, right? For, I know it. For the Chinese.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Dude, I knew you were going to say that. Because I'll tell you why. Yeah. Okay. They cut. No, definitely what, they don't know how it works. Yes, they do. I know they do. But they pretend that they don't. I love them.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
He's like, whoa. Yeah. America. But you know what I love, though? This is what I love. I love that the Chinese people cut. When they get to the ticket person, right? They go, how about me? Right? How about me? And then they go, no, you're five. You're seven. Seven. You're at the end. And then they have to go, and I always make a face. I always go.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Put first class first and then go back? No. Because I'll tell you why that's not going to work. First class should go last. I'll tell you why not. Why? Because you're going to know this, okay? You like to stare at the people as they walk by.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I know you love that. I have my face. I know. And I do this. I sit like this, and I always have my hand out like this, right? And when they lock eyes, I go like this. I go... Oh, move on? Yeah, like move on. Wow. Don't look, don't look. All right? Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
My shit's up there, right? Some guy's late. He moves it. Not just moves it. He does something different. Like he tries to fucking catch... He tries to Tetris it, right? I get it. And he puts his stuff, jams yours twisted. You have no idea what's in mine. I could have some biohazard material. And you sometimes do. I sometimes do, right? So don't touch mine and Tetris my shit.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Would you do this? Huh? If you were an aisle or a window. Sure. And you had to be a window, a middle to do it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. How are you, man? Yeah. You know, we got our tickets late. And so me and my wife, we don't have seats next to each other. But if you switch my wife, you know, she could sit next to me. So can you switch, please? She's got the middle.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You weren't looking at me. I wasn't looking at you, right?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Deaf and blind. And then if that doesn't work, you go a little bit of like twisty.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. You pull the Keller. Yeah, so that's good. Pull a Keller. Would you pull a Keller?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, I pretend. And then he goes and tells someone and they start a Reddit thread. They do. Yeah. When they ask me, I've had older white dudes who ask me, like, hey, where's your family from? Right? And you already know one that he wants to know.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Because if you tell him you're Korean, then he has a story. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear the story. I went to Seoul one time. Yeah, or like his grandfather was in the war or something.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I knew who that is. Fucking George. Yeah, that's him. So I just make up a place. Oh, where are you from? Bangbang. You're from Bongbong? Yeah, yeah. How far is that from? Bongwanese. Oh, Bongwanese. Yeah, yeah. Bong Island. Oh, it's an island. Yeah, yeah. And we're known for, if you want to know. I would love to. Yeah, yeah. We have a special kind of corn that we crop. Ooh, what color? Purple.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
No, I had everything set up. I had the cat crates, everything set up.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Wow. Yeah, and then we're also the best at making whistles. That's you guys? Yeah, we make whistles. We invented that. You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're different than regular whistles.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Oh, yeah, dude. Just this moment of like- I don't know anything about it. Please explain to me that catastrophe.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I don't even know what that means. I made that up. Oh, that. See, it's like a freighter boat. Freighter boat ran into a bridge. Dark Knight. They had those in Dark Knight.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Dark night boat. I call it a dark night boat. In the biz, we call it a dark night boat. Because remember in the first Batman movie, wasn't there like a thing where he first goes, I'm Batman, which is a dead on impression.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm sorry. I got defensive, and I apologize. That's okay. She's beautiful, and I love her as a human.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Mine was completely made up. Short stack sounds great. It's a short stack ship. I call Brad William a short stack. Yeah. All right. So that's my nickname for him. But my point is, is this what happened here?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I've said that when I was entering a woman's vagina. Yeah, that's a fuck, fuck. No, but in a panic like that. Like I shouldn't be doing it. Oh. Right? Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Are you out of your mind? That's what I heard. I turned down a pod with so-and-so. He got mad, by the way. Why? He came up to me. The first thing out of his mouth was like, hey, buddy, you don't want to pod with me? And I go, oh no, when Andrew's not there, it's weird. You know what I mean? Didn't you do one with DeStefano? Called you out.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I'm not lying. I had sex with one time many, many years ago with a 400-pound woman.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I... I did it, though, like a soldier. Yeah, you went through with it. Yeah, because sometimes you're numb, right? You're in Hamburger Hill. Mm.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You get it, right? You're going through it. Right, and your sergeant goes, we got to fucking take over this hill. And you're up first. Yeah, and you don't want to, but you end up up there anyway, and you get friends slaughtered and whatnot, but you're still fighting for your life. Yeah. Black Hawk down. Black Hawk down. Yeah. Say it's so Asian. Yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know, I recently saw the Netflix documentary on it. Yeah. And I rewatched the movie.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. You're coming back. So anyway. Oh, yeah. So that's what I did with this lady. How was it?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. Well, see, the thing is, at that time, this was pre-Mad TV. Oh, before you got on. Yeah, so before I got on. Let me tell you right now.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
My little spelunker. But here's the sad part of the story, and I feel so bad about it, and I think about it all the time, and I feel so bad about it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
They do have wintergreen. They also have strawberry watermelon ice, baby.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
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Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I know, but it's like, I've never, we don't have that kind of, and he was mad. Yeah. But I love him.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
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Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know, most people, they'll go to the Salvation Army, right, to get their t-shirts. Not this guy. Kith.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I've never shared it on a group level. I don't even know if I should. Go on. But I'm going to do it anyway, right? So years later, when I got on Matt, this and that, I redid the room. I think as I was featuring for someone big, you know what I mean? And... I don't know why, but I was walking, you know, when they bring you up, I was walking toward the stage.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Somebody grabbed my jacket or my shirt, long-sheet shirt, and I look over and it's her. I just see this fat hand on my- How strong was that grip?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, it was more like a leper grabbing you back in the day. Oh, you were like, get away from me. I did this. I went... I pulled it away like that. Yeah. And then after my set, I ran down, out, so she couldn't grab me. Damn. And I stayed in the green room so I wouldn't run into her. I feel so bad about it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I've been in the kith, yeah. I've been in the kith with you in New York.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's interesting that you say that because you're absolutely wrong.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I have a drawer in my bedroom with gummy colas. Great. Right? I've never seen you be a sweets boy. And then I have bags of these candies with salt in it, in the middle of it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
oh so it's sweet and savory yeah yeah right you know what your candy the Mexican like when they use the mango and they put that stuff what's it called what are you talking about babe Bobby's oh you're talking about tajin yes there's a tajin in the middle yeah so it's got a little spice a little bit of spice you know it's funny dude because whenever we go eat
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. Well, I'm going to say something. You're coming at me today. No, I'm not coming at you, dude. You're coming at yourself. My kith shirt? Yeah, you're coming at yourself, dude. And that's the sad part. How am I coming at myself? You're like, well, you guys were talking about me.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I want to say something to you. I've always thought this, and I don't want to be rude. Oh, man. And I don't want to cause any friction. I think it's going to do both. No, I don't think so. I think I'm being very mindful about it. But it's an observation I've had over the years. I've never been brave enough to tell you.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But you're one of those comics, like if you didn't do comedy, I just don't know. Oh, what I do? Yeah, yeah. You know what? I have a prediction what you would have been doing. Yeah. I know. Yeah, so you know you go to Soho and they have those boutique shops. It's always some sort of arbitrary name like F-Z-Z-N-Y. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So let's go into Vizzini or whatever, right? Vizzini. And then you go in there and there's like this guy. He looks like a John Wick villain. He's got a black overcoat. Oh, yeah. Right? And just like tattoos on the neck.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, eyeliner. A lot of jewelry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know how much they make. Probably not good. Who cares? Who cares? That's what you'd be doing.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
dude i have another observation okay i'm so sorry he goes you and your dad are best that was very good that's very good what you said i just i know so he also seems like this guy right where you meet a girl yeah a beautiful girl right yeah and you go hey you want to go out there because i have a boyfriend right and then when you actually meet it's like him yeah and i'm like what the fuck you're dating this guy for that's okay am i right warm am i getting warm yeah yeah very warm yeah
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I understand it now. I know you have a girlfriend, a wife. I have a fiance. I understand it now like I understand Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis with his girl, the influencer lady, would have never made sense in any other scenario. Besides what? Besides famous comic influencer. I don't think so.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I already know what to say after that. I hope so. You just did the episode. Yeah, you did a bit about, I did a bit about your little back. Let me see.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And he'd be like, shut up. He looks like a white guy that's been in water like a dead corpse. Oh my God. Are you calling him bloated? No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying the eyes bulge like it's been like in a swamp.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I like it. And we have that relationship, right? I'm not, you know, Shane, if you're listening right now or if you get this clip. He will. I give you props all day long. You're one of the funniest comics on planet Earth, right? You're the king. Yeah. And you deserve all your success. That's not what I'm saying. But you were saying before.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I just think you have like, you know, in Lord of the Rings, like maybe the second or third movie, right? Remember Frodo and those guys went to the swamp? Yeah. And Gollum's like, don't look in the water. Who's in the water? These dead elves from like thousands of years ago.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know what I mean? That's all I'm saying. Just don't look in the water. You're starting a war. Yeah, I'm not starting a war. Anyway, I didn't mean it in a bad way. Soho store is just... Crazy. Whenever I go to those stores, I look at the guy and I go, oh, there's a version of Dan Sartor. That's what you think? Damn. What are you doing? Why can't you back me once?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Because I think you're insanely wrong. I think you're fucked up. You're out of bounds. Don't do that. I'm sorry. Don't do that. I don't like what you're fucking doing either.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm tired of being bullied by people like you. I'm saving you from a war. I tried to fucking befriend you at the tour. See what he's doing?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Hey, everyone from Texas, Houston specifically, I need you to buy tickets for my show on, what is it, March 28th and 29th of this year. Go to HoustonImprov.com. Buy the tickets or I'm going to hurt myself. I'm going to hurt myself. I might die.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. You went after my friend. You're the bully, dude. Well, the next time I say a thing, disagree with me. You know what? Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's the new rule.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
He has a little gay disc in his back. He's a gay disc. They're dismantled. What a crybaby, huh?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Okay. That's right. Thank you. A point we can all agree on. Ready? You think everything you say I agree with? No. I always laugh and I always agree. Yeah. Why? That's what friendship's all about. All right? I don't know your diabolical East Coast fucking way of thinking.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, we were on our way to Florida. Yeah. And we were in Florida. I feel like you were one of the last people to text. I think that's what it was. Oh. I would honestly check the receipt. Now, I'm just testing you. You're supposed to agree with me. I thought the rule was-
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I was testing him. He doesn't follow the rules. Bobby, look at me. I'm sorry. That was on me. There we go. It's as easy as that. Give me something to agree with. We're back in. Right? Dax Flame definitely has a bigger penis than you.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
There it is. I want you to be loyal. Got it. Okay? Done. And I will agree with everything you say. Say something that I might not agree with, but I'll agree with it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I agree. And whenever I'm eating them, I don't even understand why it's in my mouth. Do you understand how easy that is? Yeah, throw it back to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good exercise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like a... All right. No. No, let him go. You look like a fluffer in gay porn.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Wow, wow, wow. Ooh. This is so good. Wait, what's mine? Interesting. Interesting. It's interesting, but also clever. Interesting. Interesting, interesting, interesting.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
How do you feel about the homeless? How do I feel about them? Give me a genuine, yeah, your opinion.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Reanimate? Yeah, and now it's March. Do the position. Yeah. March. March. Yeah, exactly.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, yeah, exactly. You just did the de-thawing of a homeless man. Perfect. And that's comedy 101. That's called a comedy. And that's what we do here at Bad Friends. And that's how talented he is.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
All right, let's... All right, let's get it out. Let's get it out in the open.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Put fur on me. What about Goonies? No. I can't touch that. You can't touch it. It's pitch perfect.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Child endangerment. Yeah, kids wouldn't do it, so that's why it wouldn't make any sense.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
My parents didn't go to the cops. Why would they? Because they just knew you were going to come back. I came in the house after a week. My dad goes, huddle. And I go, all right. And that's the reception?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, yeah. So what I want to say is, you've never talked about me?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
This is a controversial thing I want to say. Let her rip. I feel like the bullying that I received was necessary. Yes. When you were a kid. Yes. Put your head in this toilet. You're not going to be able to breathe for two minutes.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Oh, my God. Like old school, I was locked in a locker for four hours. No way.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It was half locker, so I had to... It was insane. What grade? Ninth. No, even younger, like probably second grade or third grade.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I definitely heard teachers walk by and I was screaming and they didn't even help me.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, go to the lounge, go to the lounge, go to the lounge. I just feel like that sort of like made me strong enough to do comedy almost.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
The last gig that he did here. Bars. Did you do the show? The last gig? The Will Turn one with Bill Burr and Shane Gillis. I did that show, yeah. Yeah. I was an ass.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I don't remember. I really recall. I feel like you'd remember. I think you're right. I think you made it up. Yeah. Oh, my bad. I got caught in a lie.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That hurts me so bad, dude, that you wouldn't, that's really hurtful.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
This is bullshit. Fuck you. Welcome to the show, and thanks for doing it. Yeah, absolutely. Thanks for having me. I'm in a mood. I'm sorry.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's good, that's good, that's good. I have problems with some other kings here, man. If we're doing this, let's go ahead. D.L. Hughley, Steve Harvey. I have problems with them as well. And rest in peace. Yeah, yeah. Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac, the king of all kings.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
The true king. The true king of kings. Right. Who has bulgiers like somebody else we know. What are you doing, bro? Who are you talking about?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And you're going to get done. Sometimes Slovenia needs to start a war with the United States. No?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I don't know what was with me that day, but... You were grooving. No, I wasn't grooving. I was out of bounds, out of pocket. And, you know, because you're such a big star.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's something you say coming out of a nap. Shopify. Guess what? Guess what? Oh, what? What?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Well, I'll tell you. We have the best online business because we use Shopify.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Nobody does selling better than Shopify. I'm telling you right now, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret with ShopPay that boosts conversions up to 50%.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Go to shopify.com slash lowercase bad friends to upgrade your selling today.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
right i love when carlos laughs at me because you know he gets my comedy somebody gets your comedy oh my god all right here we go okay here we go yeah let's not do this right now dude you know i i want to say to you this because i heard you oh i want to say this absolutely destroyed in phoenix shut up dude just all right now let me say that roof off
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, okay. I'll throw this out. Billy Burr. Yeah, he goes, his way of saying, he's like, he'll call me kiddo, right? Does he rub your head? You guys are the same age. I know, and he doesn't really, you know what I mean? Talk to me that much.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I love him. He loves you too. We've worked together many times. Yeah. Anyway, let's move on. Okay. Shots are fired. Shots are not fired. No? Why? Because I said that Shane Gillis is bloated looking? How is that a shot fired?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Oh, my God, dude. You're fucked. Damn. Shut up. Imagine a nudist beach and Shane Gillis at it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You're humming hot. I'm humming hot right now. I'm on fire, dude. You're pinned. I'm going to try to dig my way out. All right. When that whole thing happened with Shane, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, I was the first one to defend him. Number two, the first time I saw him perform, I thought to myself, Oh, I would never want to follow that. Yeah. He's a beast. Yes. He's an absolute beast, right? He's at the top of his game. Absolutely. He's got a beautiful girlfriend, right? Yes. I know his dad. I love him. Phil's a legend. Great guy, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I've been only respectful to his family, right? I did a little dick. I did a little, I did a little dick.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I only have the greatest admiration. He's one of the kings of the world right now. He's a beast. And I discovered this when we did... No, please don't call him. I discovered this when me and Shane were guest stars on the Bert and Tom show in Vegas. Yeah. I went up first, right? And he was supposed to go before me, and I switched it. I brought Shane on. Mm-hmm.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I have to say, Saturday Night Second Show was one of my best performances. Wow. But I also want to say this, okay? That you have no idea how I feel about you.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And this was in front of 15,000, 20,000 seats. I was there. Yeah, you were there. Yeah. And when I said his name, the kind of response that he got went through my, I had a spiritual awakening. Yeah. You felt that?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Is that a slam? Doesn't sound like that's what you said. I'll tell you what I said. I think you have bulgy eyes.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, no. Oh, when it's positive, you want to move on? I'm over it. No, I'm not over it. All right? I love you like your family. And with my family, you kind of do little dig digs, right on the side.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
We're cutting all that out. I have control of this podcast. We're going to cut all that out. Dude. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's it for me. Well, you know what? It was a good run. I think it's my way to get out. It's a good run. It's a good run. It's my way to get out. I'll get out. It's my way to get out.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
All you do is sleep. It's literally all I do. No, but the last three days I haven't because I've been traveling and stuff. Okay, I haven't been sleeping.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm not in my right mind. And I think that what I did was not right. And it was like, I don't even think that's how I really feel. I think it was just a guy just out of his mind talking. Dude, I get it. You get it. I respect it, man. And I apologize. You don't look like a security guard at a boutique. Honestly, I would have taken that over what you originally said.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That says I am there to secure the... And I think you were one of the first people to text me when I got hurt. when I woke up and I heard about it. And we have a great relationship.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Okay. So I'm the one that needs to change. I'm the wrong. I'm the bad guy. That level of accountability. Yeah, and I'm ashamed. Don't be. Of the bullshit that I said.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm trying to figure out if I really believe what I said. So I'm going through that right now. You know what I mean? Just being honest with you. Do I really feel that way? Maybe, maybe not. But I shouldn't have said it out loud. That's okay. I'll tell you that right now. In fact, I will say this. I do believe what I said. All of it. Oh. But I shouldn't have said it out loud.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. Ari Shafir told me that, he said this out loud, so I, you know, that he, the way, you know, his girlfriend, great girlfriend, right? That the reason he met her in the first place is he wasn't masturbating for a long time. And then when that happens, it motivates you to like, you know, when you meet a girl, they're like, hey, meet us at the bar. You don't go? It motivated him to go.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, because he had four balls. Yeah, yeah. So I think it is a good advice.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, go empty the clip. And maybe that's why I'm acting the way I am today.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And so, Shane, if you're listening, don't start a war with me. Yeah, dude. I'm horned up. You get what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, so I apologize. And I think people listening get it. Oh, huh. I think they get it. I think they get it too. Any rational person would get it. Yeah. Now, can I ask you another question? What do you think of Pizzeria Bianco in Phoenix?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, I know. South on I-10. So years ago, a film critic in New York Times said that that's the best pizza on planet Earth. And it became a gigantic, hours away. Big planet. Yeah. Big planet to say Earth, dude. That's insane. And I went there again.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Hartford, Connecticut, Funny Bone. They were so rude to me. That's why I've never been back.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, the management there. Really? I did one weekend there, and the manager at the last night, and I'd seen him around all weekend, finally introduced himself. And he was kind of like, here's your check.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Would you have taken it if he was full balls? No, twice I've been there.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know what? You're right. Maybe you're right. Yeah. So, Connecticut has the best pizza.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I think that it's the best in the top five I've ever had, probably.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I think you're going wrong with it. I think you're going wrong with it, and I'm going to convince you otherwise. Kettle glaze? Yeah. The wrong way to go? Yeah. I would go, have you ever had sidecar?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, you go, you don't need all of this. But I'm going to double down now, my friends, okay? And I'm going to show you something that's going to blow your minds, if I may. Please. In Korea. I'm already out.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So there's a, they have one now, so this is a Korean company that they have one in Koreatown, and it's called Old Fairy Donut. Okay. Okay.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Go. I honestly think Pizza Hut. Yes. Number one. Number one is Pizza Hut. Because the crust is buttery and something about it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But it's not real. That's like a fake. I do meth, but I'm Colorado sober. That's Colorado sober. It's the same thing. It doesn't make any sense.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, but the pizza, Little Caesars is still around. Oh, yeah. Is it? Dude, what? Every corner.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
When I play Chicago improv, sometimes they get me a fresh Lou Malnati. Yeah. It's pretty good. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It's pretty good. It's very good. I like deep dish. I don't care what you feel about it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love it. It's heavy. It's too heavy for a regular.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. Fork and knife. So I had this Filipino family, Kalilah's End, come from Philippines one summer. And we went to that deep dish pizza place in Los Feliz or Echo Park.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Masa. Yeah, masa. Yeah. Very good. Yeah, it's great. They didn't eat it. What? They don't know what it is.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It's just a mushed up tomato. They're not going to like that. But let me say something to you, y'all. Okay.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
When I'm in a different country, I'll check all of it out, and I'll try it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
When I saw him in the alleyway in Australia, he had a glaze over his eyes. I don't know what he was on.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. They didn't even attempt it? Look at that thing. How would you not try that?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, take a bite. Being like, take a bite. I also made reservations. You guys got to check out this. Yeah. You know what I mean? Put thought into it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
The producer? You know how sometimes you're in the mood for spaghetti and a chicken leg?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But the one in the Philippines that I've been to, the quality is different. It's better.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, yeah. In fact, I'm not going to, you know what, you're right. I'm going to be more mindful about it. I'm not going to say what I want to say about Julian McCullough. I think it's another war. Go ahead, let me hear it. You might as well, dude. You're starting it up. So when I met him, he used to live in LA. Yeah. Yeah. And I thought, what a handsome fella.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, I guess he's still got it. Okay. What did you think? Did you see him on an off night? Yeah, so when I saw him recently, he just got older. That's it. Like we all do.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Can I tell you why you are? Because I'm hanging out with somebody. She was introducing me to these family members. Sure. And there was a guy involved. And he was like, do you know Dennis Holder? No, they were white. Oh. Sorry. You know what though?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, he has lots of things. I do agree. I should have something. You have sugar-free Red Bull and cigarettes. Yeah, but sometimes I want more to drown my sorrows. What do you want? I mean, sometimes I would love to smoke weed, you know what I mean, to zone out. But you don't need to. I don't need to, and I've been... Three years, I haven't. So that's great. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, but he is a huge fan of yours. Oh, that's awesome. He's like, I love, you know, what's he like? You know what I mean? Yeah. I swear to God. And I'm like, who, Dan? He goes, yeah, what's he like? He seems to be his biggest fan. He's the man. I've seen people talk about you many times. Really? So there is a level of fame, and you know it because when you go to clubs, you sell out, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So why does that happen? Because I've been going to cities for years? That's not why. It's because your presence is elevated. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, you're right. Can we agree with that? So how are you dealing with it?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I just randomly walked in. Can I sit down on your podcast? Also, people that we have on this podcast are people that are elevated.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm shocked when people are like, come to my shows and it's sold out or whatever. I always turn to the manager and go, is there some sort of promotion going on? And they go, what do you mean? I go, I mean, is it a two for one or what's going on? He goes, no, it's regular price and you sold out. And I'm always, I look in the audience and I go, wow.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm glad you said that, because that was my worst turnout of all time. I aged them all of them. Oh, my God.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Because my fear, though, is that once that door is open, I do all the other stuff, and I can't have that. Yeah. So I just decide to do all... I mean...
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's crazy. I do get resentments, though, of clubs that didn't treat you well. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then now you won't play them? Yeah. I got a couple. What do you mean? Totally. I got a couple. Is that right, though? Is that healthy?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
yeah the clubs I play now are the clubs are necessarily not because of the draw but it's because they treated me when I was down yeah really when I talked about Hartford Connecticut at that funny bone I was down then yeah right and I just want people to be regular and nice yeah when they're when they're when they're good to you when they don't have a reason to be I have loyalty yeah you're like oh cool then I'll come back
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I know, but I'm just... Sober Carlos. My history with Carlos is this. When I first met him, he was full-blown in Alcoholics Anonymous. It was great. And anyone that's in AA, right? People aren't because they had like, you know what I mean? An accident. It takes a lot of pain and suffering to drive you into a 12-step group.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And to be committed to it, right? So that's, you know your history with it, right? You know that you're an alcoholic and drug addict. Do you?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Have I done any drugs or alcohol since I got sober three years ago?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But this, okay. You see what he's doing? That's the drug addiction Jedi shit.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You're a rat trapped in a corner. You're a rat trap. Yeah, you're a rat trap, dude.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So Andrew did his special. He did four shows. I did. To cut it together. It's going to be a wonderful piece of artwork.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It's so funny because when I look in the mirror, I look at my character defects as well. So I know what my problems are. You don't know what your problems are?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
no no I do think it affected the way that I moved at the end moved tickets at the end oh I see do you know what I mean like it definitely changed because people the first time I played the Philadelphia Helium yeah I love that club I showed up at the club I'm not kidding it's not an exaggeration I showed up at the first show on a Friday night there was seven people
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Right? And I kind of looked around. I go, oh, I guess I'm not big here. They're like, oh, no. It's just literally right across the street. Chappelle's there. And I go, oh, I got booked, right? And then the second show was full, and half the audience was like, oh, we saw the Chappelle show earlier, and we came to both. That's pretty rad. Still, the first show, I was going to kill myself.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
What is going on here? I don't know, man. Something's going on, though. Like, do you not believe? That could have been a disaster, dude. Yeah, everybody dead. Everyone dead.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So hear me out, guys. I heard your joke. And I'm sorry I didn't laugh.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Andrew, was I gaslighting? No, there was no lighting there. Thank you. There was no lighting from Andrew.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, there's no light. And if you saw one, it was dim. Sodie! Sodie, sit down, you dum-dum. No, you're not a dum-dum, dude. Yeah, he's one of the dumbest, dude. He's one of the dumbest on Earth.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No. No. You're right. All right, let me finish this point, and then we'll get to you, Dan Soder.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
The last time we did a gig together, you weren't that nice to me.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But there's no real this. Well, yeah, because it was two gigs we hung out with. I know. Where was it? On the Burt tour. On the Burt tour. So it's chaos.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Let me finish my theory here, Dan, and we'll get to you. Okay. All right? Anyway.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. So I think the reason why there's a connection between the flights, you know what I mean? Getting in these accidents. All the flight crashes. And the drones that we saw a month ago. Oh, the Chinese drones? Wasn't there a lot of drones a couple of months ago? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Around, right? New Jersey, right? New Jersey. It was in California as well. It was everywhere. Really? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Do you ever see Zero Dark Thirty, brother? Oh, yeah. Have you seen Zero Dark Thirty? Yeah. I haven't. You haven't?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Okay. Well, guess who caught? Who did they track? Let me ask you. Who did they track to get to Osama bin Laden? Exactly, right? The courier. The mail delivery guy? No, he used one guy for information. So there was one guy that would drive to his- Abu Ahmed Al-Kuwait. Abu Ahmed Al-Kuwait.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I never talked about your dog. I mean, your wife. No, I'm kidding. That's crazy.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Right? That dude, right? Is that Amir K? It is Amir. And now he's doing stand-up. And he's very successful. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Right, right, right. Just being a hilarious stand-up comic. Yeah. You don't use the courier for Osama bin Laden. In a movie, I would cast Michael Peña, I think. 100% looks like Michael Peña. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And not Amir Kay. No, it'd be Michael Peña. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so I think... So in the... One lady in the CIA was like, I think we should track the carrier. And everyone was like, no, no, no, no, no. Right. But that ended up being the truth. Yeah. And she didn't even really know what the connection was, but she followed a gun instinct. I think that's what I'm doing with the fucking drones.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
No, no, no. All right. Let that sink in. I don't want it to. Yeah, it's already. Just clean it off. Once you get HIV, you have it. Not anymore, dude. I know, but I haven't taken the cocktail yet. Well, please do. Yeah, so I just took some of HIV.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
No, listen, if this is gonna be about the truth and if we're putting it on the table, let's just do it. Let's not like, you know, let's be cowboys.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Are you dazed? Yes. Or confused? Both? Both. Yeah. It was a great movie. Yeah, it was a great movie.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
So I just heard your truth. And you know what? Nice, fancy, way to go. So anyway, wow, what a great trip.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I didn't want to do so double soap it is too much like you get extra clean yeah what does that even fucking mean I didn't want to do two soaps but it's not your body it's your breath that's what they meant you can't wash that in the shower you can't wash you know can we discuss can we discuss that for a second okay there was no discussion there's not anything that smells particularly like that
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why prostitutes don't kiss, yeah. Do you kiss them?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You go, that's a mixture of poo, pee, generations of it, right? Whatever, right? When you're in Skid Row, right? You kind of know what those smells are, you know what I mean? People that are BO, dirty, you know what I mean? Yeah. Et cetera, et cetera. I get that.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
With his is a particular kind of skank. Pretty interesting. Yeah, stench. That you don't know quite what it is. Right, what is it? It's like there's salami, right? But then there's also dirt. But then there's also like, you know what I mean? Like, you know... Vomit. Vomit. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But it's like, also, here's another thing that you can do, which is, I think, an X-Men power. You can project it from across the room. Whoa, that is like a power if you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I... I can literally walk in a room and go, oh, Carlos is here before even I see you. Whoa. I'll be real. I'll go, oh, Carlos. I don't even have to look. You're just there. Does it leave a trail or something?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
oh my god what are we going what was no no don't do that don't do that yeah yeah why i'm still alive though okay when's the last time you saw a doctor i'll see my dad in a couple days and i'll see what's up wait oh so your dad is your doctor oh yeah i just text him and then you call him doctor dad doctor dad on nbc wait a minute do you what does he ever run blood work on you
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the blood is like, mm-mm. Even like when, like sometimes I'll say, get me mints.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm trying not to be rude. Right? It's a message. He doesn't get it. Yeah, get me gum, mints, right? And get me, you know what I mean? Toothpaste. Mouthwash, everything, right? It's not for me. I don't use it. It's for you. Okay.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We're getting it. We're getting it. Yeah, we're going to be doing that quite frequently on this podcast.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
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Rat Island
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Rat Island
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Rat Island
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Rat Island
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Rat Island
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Rat Island
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Bad Friends
Rat Island
I think you've influenced them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's basically baby know-it-all.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Good boy. He's learning. Yeah. Good boy. You're actually coming... But my kind of know-it-all, Carlos, is you, right? What up, man? Yeah, what's up, bro? What's up? There's a few things he doesn't know.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You know what it is, dude? You're such a know-it-all. He does. He knows everything. He knows everything. It drives me crazy. Why'd you ask me then?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
What am I doing? What? Who was that? You're a dentist? No, no. It's worse. Every woman that makes my life... Okay.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Bro. Bro, dude. That's the problem. That is. Yeah, yeah. I think we found it. Yeah, we found the problem. You're brushing your teeth with Sprite?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Just do it with Pop Rocks. Those fits do, dog. Do you smell? I mean, is there other smells in your body that you're not aware or privy to?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I do also have to say that the shows versus the shows we did in America a couple years ago were way tighter.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
She squirted breast milk and it's sour. It doesn't taste like oat milk or. Right.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And can I say something too? Probably one of the best breasts I've ever seen. Gorgeous. You saw them, right?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm like, God, you're fucking... I love... And Dakota? Dakota, oh my God. She's the shit. She's so not what you think.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But you see a lot of young actors, because I know a lot, that they play by the Hollywood rules so they don't want to say the wrong thing or they're just very in the middle about things. Political. Political. Yeah. She seemed to be, she reminded me more of a comic. She floats her own way. She's like cool. Doesn't give a fuck. She loved the show. Yeah. The show was wild.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I went Monday. Yeah, not tonight. And tonight. No, not tonight. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah, yeah. So what time have you been sleeping?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I mean, just a little thing. What is it? I did go up to him before the show and I go, make sure you get me coming out.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right. I do have to say my relationship with McCone got better on the trip. Mm-hmm.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
let's talk about the best hotels you think we stayed at I think the coolest one we stayed at was the W the W was good in Brisbane yeah that hotel was wildly dope but also my second was the Ritz Carlton the last night of yeah Was it Perth? What night? Perth.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Oh, the crown. The crown, I mean, yeah. Oh, the crown, yeah. But we had Nobu that night. Incredible. Incredible.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Oh, my God. You're going to drive me crazy with that pattern. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah. Here's another Memphis, Tennessee. Just a tank. Yeah. But it wasn't. That show was incredible.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Since this is The Honest Show. Yeah. When you get low, you get low. When I get low. That's what I said.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right? And there's always like a 12-hour period where it's like we just know not to. But what happens to your mind there?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Everyone that's listening, this is what he does. This is what he does, okay? Yeah. Because he's Mr. Know-It-All, okay? That's my new name. Yeah, Mr. Know-It-All.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
It's scary. Yeah. I get really, I feel so bad for you. Well, thank you. No, I'm being real. I'm always like going, oh my God. I mean, I can't imagine.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We try to get you out of it, but then we don't even, we don't say anything. I don't think I said anything to you that day. No, you didn't. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And so Mr. Know-It-All, he obviously, we do a group meeting. We do. when he has his little TED Talks, right? He goes, this is what we need to do.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
So he says, from Perth to Australia, right? Don't sleep at all. We were in the airport. Perth to Sydney. Sorry. Okay. That's another know-it-all thing you just said. I'm going to let it go.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, like the good old days. There's a resentment. Your behavior, there is. There is something there. There has to be something there.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I know, but the problem with the Australia trip is that there was just too much traveling. I mean, what I would want is to be in Sydney for two or three extra days, two days, so we can travel around. I know we lose money that way.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Dude, I'm Mr. Know-It-All. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Know-It-All. That's my gig. All right, so from Perth to Sydney, don't sleep it up, which is like a four and a half hour flight. Four hours, yeah. What did I do? Slept the whole time. The whole time. I stayed awake the whole time. Because when he says something to do, I go the opposite. Smart. I'm Know-It-All's nemesis. Wait a minute.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You mean London. So when we go to London. No, when we go to London, I don't want to be like flying in and flying out. I want to spend two or three days. I want to go to the Emirates and look at the Arsenal.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We go there? Yeah, yeah. Can I say something about you? Yeah. She saw the Champions League game. Did you see it or the highlight?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And so I know. What do you mean? Same thing. I would love to bond with you. I know. I love it. So let me ask you something about our bond, right? Yeah. Do you love the team?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, so here's what happened, okay? We were going to go and then you go, I don't want to have lunch.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But then you were mad that we had lunch without you. Because you went to a fucking five-star restaurant.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We looked and looked and looked, and then we found this place, and then- Oh, we stumbled into a Michelin restaurant? No, literally we did. We walked by it- Cause there's no sign.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
It was like stumbled into a Michelin restaurant. Yeah. So then I go, no, we Googled it. There it is. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
So there was a, so we walked by and then, and then, and you go, I don't think we it's here. I think it's gone. Yeah. I go, I think, you know that fancy door that's got stairs going down?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, and she checked. It was the restaurant. Yeah, gold flag. And you had to ring a doorbell.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right? Then we got buzzed in. Yep. Walked down the stairs and it was probably one of the best meals we had, I think, there.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
yeah and then so we educate her and she memorized a bunch of things and now you can wear the jacket I think I think you can wear the jacket I really like them because it's like I get super into certain shows like Mr. Robot wait wait why are you guys laughing no it's cute why because it's sweet there's something else look at Carlos I don't I just thought it was nice
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Whoa, whoa, whoa. That sounded... What? The reason why I like soccer is because... When you do score, it's just that much more potent.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Well, can I say something to you? Have I not been showing up to places? No, you do. Lately, I've been being very mindful about going to different places.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
If you're going to be anal, then no. I am, I'm sure. Well, I'm gonna be a mess.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
There's another thing that I've noticed is at this comedy store, people have been like, I had a waitress come up to me and go, have you been working out? I go, no. Why are you laughing? I'm saying the Ozempic is working. And then Steph Tolove goes, oh, I see it now.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
What are you doing? See, that's what I'm saying. He wants me to overdose on Ozempic. No, don't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants me to die.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Well, last night I went to Shabu Shabu. It was my first meal. Of the day. Of the day. And then after the store, Andrea Jin goes, let's go have dinner. I'm like, I already ate. And she's like, just go. So I went to... Soon and Dang. Right? And they had a couple of dumplings. That's nothing. And then I went to, dude, I've been going to Wii Spa every day. It's been great.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
In fact, last night at Wii Spa, it's so interesting. I'm in the fucking dry sauna, completely naked. And I sit like this. That's how you're supposed to sit. You know what I mean? I just got to sit like this. I lean like this. And there's a lot of black guys in there, which I love. I go, what's up, bro? I go, what's up, man? You got to show off. Yeah, and I do this.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm not afraid of my little guy, right? There's two white dudes sitting there, and I'm looking at them like this. I was looking at them like this, and they were like, what are you looking at, man? You guys. Yeah, I'm looking right at you. Yeah, yeah, and they go, oh. And I go, what do you guys do? I go, we're actors. We just moved here from, I forgot where.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You know, I got there, and we talked a little bit about, it's dry, you know what I mean? And then later when I'm done, they come up to me and they go, you're Bobby Lee, I can't believe it. I go, why didn't you say that in the dry song? Yeah, why'd you say that?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But it's like, you can just say, you're Bobby Lee, right? What's the problem here?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
no so we suppose it see that's see what see that photo right there they give you clothes and so there's a like a you know a co-ed area of the spa but there's no nudity there's no nudity where there's like a clay room a salt room and then we're fully clothed with other people right and you steam out there and do your thing there you can meditate you can there's yoga there's a women's department too right anyway the controversy was if you go to we spa there's kids sure
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Running around. You know, there's like a lot of like, in my section, little boys running around.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah. Even late at night, you'll see like a Korean kick on. You know what I mean? Right, and you're trying to like, you know, maybe be cool, you know, but you know what I mean? Yeah. You gotta be cool. Gotta be cool, man. So a couple years ago, a man, a woman, a trans woman, right, who hasn't had the procedure. Sure. Went to the women's department. Uh-huh. And there's little girls there.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right. I think that's what happened, right, Reed? It's right here. Yeah, and then- There was protests because they kicked the guy out, the girl out.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, do it again, dude. Ready? Yeah, yeah. Well, this is out. This is stopped. I had my eyes closed. No, okay. Because I couldn't breathe. You're the guy in choir. I really liked it. Keeps going. I really liked it. Let's do it one more time. Ready? Right, but I want to keep your eyes with it. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh. Dude, we're like a barbershop quartet. That was incredible.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And they're like, you know, it's just a different culture. And it was just like, what else are they going to do?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm talking about five, six-year-old kids running around. Right. And it's just a part of Korean culture to bring your kids to a spa. It's like, you know. Yeah. And I would do it if I was a father. And I don't know. I just think that it's inappropriate.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And here's another thing that I did. A long time ago, you and I went bowling.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But then when we went to Sonny's birthday party, right, Charles Melton taught me exactly what you taught me, but I listened to what he said.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. Right? And I started bowling correctly, right? And I looked at you, and I think you were a little upset by it.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But do you think that if you had a time machine and you went back where cavemen were, right? And you were wearing modern clothes, they would freak out? They probably, well, they'd kill you on sight. Like I'm wearing a FUBU tracksuit. You don't own that, do you? I know, but I would buy one. Like a full FUBU tracksuit. Yeah, they might like it. A fedora.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Do you think they'd be like... They'd kill you on sight. Oh, they would? Well, because you'd look like a future person.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. If we show up, me, Donnell. Yeah, yeah. You. Who else? Me. Doc. Me, you, Doc, Donnell. Yeah, Donnell. And just with full-blown identical tracksuits. Fubu tracksuits? Fubu tracksuits.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, you know, if he teaches me something, I refuse to listen. But if it's like anybody else, right, with the same knowledge, because he has all, he's Mr. Know-it-all, right? Mr. Know-it-all. But I don't know why that is. Why is that, you think?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Like that one movie, is it Alive or? Alive, yeah, the soccer team. The soccer team, yeah. Would you do it? I don't know what, I presume I would because I don't know what extreme hunger is like.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I hadn't ridden a bike since I was in high school and we rode a bike in fucking Australia.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
They're so cute. Rice, they're so cute. They're so fucking cute. Edible, by the way. They look very edible. Yeah. They look like porgs.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Little Andreses. So here's the situation here, guy, my friend. I'll tell you how the quokkas came into my... I told you, right?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Jim Jefferies. Right. Months ago, pulled me aside, mate, you gotta see the quokkas. Yeah. He told me the island and everything, right? So I've been thinking and dreaming about quokkas a long time. I get that. Yeah. And then when we got there, some fucking bloke, some Australian bloke, says to me, mate, you know why they call it Rottnest Island? I go, why?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And he goes, because the first guy that went there, right, thought they were rats. So in my mind, I'm like, oh, they're not as... Because what we see, I thought they were going to be real small like rats. Me too, yeah. Right? But then when I saw... That's me. Look at that. You've taken a photo with one so beautifully.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, the little joey's coming out of the stomach. Dude, that was like magical. In love. In love with that.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, that was the last second. We were about to board the boat to go home. Well, because I don't... You know, when people go crazy over celebrities...
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go less crazy. I take a step back and I go, you know, I'm better than that, right? So there was a lot of quokka fawning. A lot of fawning. Yeah, right. So I'm like, no, you know what? I'm really cool about this. But after like two or three hours, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? It's a fucking quokka. Take a photo.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, but I closed except for the one. Except for one what? One of the shows. You didn't close, what do you mean? Let me finish. He knows what I'm talking about.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
What did I do? I wasn't there, but I get the picture. You'll get the picture, right? So there's one show where he goes, you know what, Bob? I'm going to close this particular one. I'm like, wow, I thought I was going to close all of them. Right? And then it was the show that it was Dakota Fanning, Sarah Smooch. Smooch? Bridie and Slim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smooch. Right? Sure. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Now what I'm saying is that, so the one show that your celebrity friends are coming, you're like, I want to close because I want to make it seem.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. That's my partner, Brian. I love what you're doing. I love what you're doing right now. Dude, these are their words. Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't think... They go, I don't like him as a stand-up or as a podcaster.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
It was just an observation. I don't know if it's the truth. But I'm giving you the truth. It could have been one show where you're like... Here's the deal. It could have been one show. It was like, you know what? I just feel like closing out the second show.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
That was great. Well, welcome back. Welcome back, Carter. And let me say something. That's when you said, don't say welcome back again because I think of welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, yeah. Number one, I want to say we got back from Australia. And my sleep schedule is so wickily. Yesterday I woke up at five. Today I woke up at three. You know what I mean? Carlos looks confused and dazed.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
All right. What I'm saying is, is that. So your beef is not with me, pal. It's with the rat. All right. We call that rat. Rat island.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Let me say. All right. First of all, right. You rat fuckers, dude. Yeah, you both do, you rat fuckers. And number two, right? Don't hide now, pal. Don't hide. I'm going to say something to you, okay? You're one of the best comics on... First of all, cut it out. Let me finish. Stop, cut it out. He's one of the best comics on planet Earth, okay? No. Listen, right?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We're playing in front of thousands of people, right? Do you know how hard it is? I'm blocking your face. Do you know how hard it is to follow this guy in any environment? He says this every time. We say the same thing about you. Okay. So my point is, is that, you know what I mean? I'm sorry that I, at times, don't want to work that hard. No. Okay? I'm sorry. I don't want to work that hard.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Now you two rats, right? Time out. Real fast. Real fast. The truth is out there and I love the truth.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I just said, listen to me. I just admitted that I do complain. And now, that was some fucking Jedi shit, dude. That was on co-op.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Now you're seeing it as an adult. So let me just go to the committee, okay? So McCone, all right? Now I have to burp. Yeah, McCone, look at me. Why do you think he wanted to go second? Just in your opinion. You know what I mean? Your opinion that only the second show on Melbourne...
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, so it's like whenever I see Hope Corps videos and I relate it to my own life, they wouldn't happen.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah. I got stem cell replacement from Mike Driscoll. Buddy, buddy, buddy. Buddy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
If you're going to finish it, it's really good. Yeah? Very good. Yeah. I'll take a bite.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You're an old Korean man. Yeah, but I'm not playing Mike Driscoll. I'm Mike Driscoll. I'm the guy. So I said, I got stem cells from Mike Driscoll. Sure. So why can't I say that as the Asian man?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Shoot him up, bang him up. Anyway, man, I got... Why am I celebrating? Oh, you're Cam Patterson now. Yeah, why am I celebrating? Oh, years ago, man, some guy gave me stem cell research, and it was Mike Griscoll. What did he give you? Stem cells in my spine.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
God damn it. How do you get the shit out of my spine? Right. And he oozes it into a fucking... He was a new cop. Suck it out. Right? And then he gets it back to him. Here you go, black guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You just won't leave. He just steps up. Yeah. That didn't make me jump enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew I had sickle cell. So anyway. His glaucoma was kicking in. That's interesting. But see how happy. Would you be excited? Oh, yeah, dude. If somebody saved my fucking life. All right, here we go. Let's play it out. You don't have to. Do it. You're the guy now.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You're the one that's telling everyone that you had some Stelsum. Stelsum. Stelsum. I had Stelsum.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Well, I follow all my stem cells. You're not the only one, man, that has stem cells, my stem cells. I have stem cells in every city in America. You spread around your stem cells. Yeah, so I follow all of them around, man. I want to know where my cells are at, dog. Well, it's great to meet you. Thank you, man. How are they working out for you? Good, I think. Good. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, well, how about a thank you? How about it? Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome, sir. Just confuse him.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
It breaks my heart when the dad shaves his head. Why are you laughing? What are you laughing at? You're insane, Carlos. You are insane, dude. Yeah. You're insane. What?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
It's really good. Are you a baker? Is that your side hobby? I cook, I bake, yeah. Do you watch the Great British Bake Off? Oh, I sure do, every season. Really? Who won this season? I didn't watch this season.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Rocket Money. Rocket Money. Rocket Money saves you money. And if you don't want to save money, that's dumb. That's so dumb to not save money. I save so much money because, you know, I have so many subscriptions on my phones and stuff like that. And Rocket Money, they help me consolidate everything. There's a dashboard. I can look at everything. It's great.
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Appointments made through ZocDoc also happens fast, like you said. So would you ask me, how do you do it? Yeah. And stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
There are ones I don't like, though. What are the ones I don't like? There's some... I'll tell you what I don't like.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Because I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why it bothers me. Because now I'm giving every homeless guy a dollar just in case I run into that guy. Right. I'm giving everyone. Yeah. Now I'm like, is it the guy? Where's the guy? Yeah. And I never see the guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
But let me say something. I see a lot of dudes don't tip and give money. So maybe it's going to force people to give money.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So one time, and this really happened, I was at a 7-Eleven. The one right down the street, this one right here. Okay. Right? And there was a homeless man and he had a bunch of garbage in his, you know, like clothes, not garbage. Yeah. You know what I mean? But on top of his like, what do you call it?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Like a cart. Grocery cart? Like a cart, yeah. He had an album. Not a record album, an album of photo.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
But when I opened it, I did open it because there was nothing in it. Oh my God. There was no pictures in it. No photo? Yeah, yeah. I didn't open it to put my head shut and like, here you go. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, but no. So I left a hundred bucks in there. I opened it, I put it in there and it closed and I left and I never said anything. I love that. I've done little things like that before.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
All right. So when I did Guttermucker, that movie. Yeah. So I did a movie in Montana, Butte, Montana with Eleanor Kerrigan. Love. And Leslie Jones. Love. And the weekends, there was nothing going on and we're there for a month, right? Yeah. So we go, I said to Leslie, I go, let's do shows. So there's a theater in town. And we called the theater and like, we're in town.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
They're like, yeah, we sold all of them out. Of course. Okay. There's no comedy club there. And at the end, we gave the money to the crew. That's so cool. And when you're doing that many shows, I mean, you're talking about almost eight, $10,000. A lot of money. A lot of money, right? Only two crew members thanked me.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, dude, that's not true. I'm Paul Hollywood? No, I'm that black lady that does the jokes. The Great British Biker Show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're her? No, really, you think I'm Paul Hollywood? I guess you're right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
That's it? Yeah. And I would even walk by like the sound guy and go, hey, what's up? As he's miking. And they're like, what are you doing here? Good show last couple of nights, right? Yeah, it was good. Did you like it like it? Like it, like it. Yeah, I go, did you get the food truck? Because, you know, the food truck. Yeah, we've got acai books. We get food trucks too.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'll give you one. Well, I do one that drives comics crazy. If I tell you what this is. Tipping in the lot? No, it's going to drive you crazy. Do you think you'll get crazy after I tell you what I'm about to tell you? Well, it sounds like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I do is if I see somebody that has potential of doing comedy, I try to talk them into it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
What do you mean? Oh, you mean when he was thinking about it, you told him to? Long time ago. I talked to him. There's a lot of guys like that. They're still doing it today because I talked to them into it. So don't tell me about what you're telling me about. Now, Jules, go ahead. Guy, I swear to God, dude. You know what? Let's stop. Let's push. All right, hold on.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Because one time I did it and they weren't looking at me. And I just came up to a table. And they're like, what do you want? No, it's me. Yeah, and they were like, no. And I go, oh, no. And I just went back. It was so embarrassing. But anyway, you have to know for sure.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You don't. You know what? I've seen you at the airport. You're very good about it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So what you do, sometimes you'll wear a cap. I'm Jason Bourne. And we're at the airport. And you'll put your hat down like this. And you walk. And this is you going, I don't want it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, I do the Leo. So there's little clues that he does. I go, okay, he doesn't want to be talked to or he's in a thing or this and that.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Also, can you do it in a first world country? On the planet Hoth, when I lived on Hoth, the tauntauns, you know what I mean? I used to give them free hoofs. Hoof passages.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You look like a Real Madrid's towel boy. Like, what's the shirt you're wearing? Hahaha. It wasn't a good joke. That's why. So good. No, it wasn't good. No, it was really good. You just did that laugh. If I'm not being funny. Do that. Today. Yeah. Everyone do that laugh. All right. And I will do the same. All right. Thank you. You do one. Do your fake laugh.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Okay. So anyway, so, but here's the thing about the, he didn't have a good day.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Why? Because I've been out there a bunch of times now. And the gay culture, it's out.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Let me talk. Okay. Let me talk. It's almost like it's so socially acceptable there. It's very hard to believe that anybody would be offended by it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Even that, it's like, so when we do my talent show, the gays come out, do they not? And they compete. I've seen their families come out. I've never seen a dad or a mom while their son was performing who was gay, went, no! We don't know. They're clapping, right? It's just an open society. And it's okay, Jules. All right, look at me right now. I'm not lying. Jules, look at that. I'm not lying.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, that's everybody there. Is that your friend? Yeah, that's everybody there. That's just the Philippines. Just be honest with me. I'm not lying. Stop, stop, stop. Because you're being very defensive right now.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, I just think that it's, what I love about the Philippines is that it's such an open culture in that way where it's like. Nobody cares. No one cares.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
What's a 50-50? I mean, we have to make this decision. We have to make a decision together, yeah. How come you don't go?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'm a Twinkie. He's on the list, dude. You know that, right? When I say Twinkie, what does it mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
All I'm saying is if he deports the amount of people he wants to deport, dude, the country's going to be fucked.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Get them out of here. Like farming communities. It was a disaster, dude. Get them out. All right. You'll see. Get them all gone, dude. There's two things you'll see about me getting buff and fucking we'll see what happens with this.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You don't want him to be... Look at that photo. Put the kid in a movie. Yeah, when Paul Hollywood does handshakes to him, he waits too long to shake it back.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I mean, that's the only Asian one. Oh, of course, he's going to play it. Who is that? Shang-Chi. Oh, that's the Shang-Chi guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can somebody else be Sunfire, please? God, they're going to give the same... He's hot. Yeah, that's true. He's a good looking guy. Pretty good looking, yeah. We stay in our lane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Robin Hood Gold.
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So Paul Hollywood would be like... Yeah. And then this guy goes... I know, but my point is, you shake it right away. You shake it right away.
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
It's 2025. God bless. And you're probably thinking, how am I going to make this year different?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And he's got good flavor. Great flavor. What's his thing? His thing is flavor. Unique flavors. Unique flavors. All right. We're bored. We're bored. Okay, anyway. I don't think we are. I don't think we are. Well, it's for you and me. It doesn't matter. All right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, but did Marvel or DC ever create a superhero that happened to have red hair?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Can you zoom in a little bit? Like the whole thing? Yeah, yeah. Roy Harper. Oh, yeah, there we go. I guess. You do it with a bow and arrow. Who's Wally West? Wally West? They ran out of names. Wally West. What do we call this one? You know what I mean? Wally West. Yeah. King Disaster? No. Wally West. Wally West. Geoforce is good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I was there and my agents were like, you got to learn how to like meet people. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You know what I mean? When you're on set, that's how you create, you know what I mean? Relationships. Relationships in the business. So I was smoking a cigarette. And with Pineapple Express, it was Seth Rogen, Apatow, Paul Rudd, a bunch of people. And they were talking in a circle. And I was out on the curb, like kind of near them, smoking a cigarette.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And then my agent's fucking thing went, you know what I mean? Do it. This is it. I put the cigarette down and I wander into the circle. I don't know if it was Paul. Somebody closed the circle. Paul does stuff like that. Yeah, so then I was on the outside of the circle and then I went back to the crib as well.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He rutted you. You got rutted. What I find out now is that I can tell when people want to talk to me on set.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I probably did it wrong. They didn't know you were there. Yeah, I didn't know. I did it wrong. You didn't make enough noise. What would you do? Hey, guys, you guys play golf? You guys know about the $2 thing with Alan, whatever, he makes them. Whatever his name is, yeah. Steve. Steve Wawaki. You guys know about the $2 thing with Steve Wawaki, right? It's interesting.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
In fact, I'm going to mention it on my podcast. One day when I have a podcast, I'm going to mention it. But it's like, you guys, throw in your two cents. Do you think you did that? Did you do something like that? Interesting.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. It happened to me Friday. Literally happened last night. I got picked up like a little American Girl doll. Blake Griffin picked you up to show you off. Can I tell everyone what happened? So I was at the comedy store and I was on a date. Six foot nine. I was on a date and Andrea's there. Not my date. Andrea Jin. Andrea Jin's there and she's a comic.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And I'm on a date, first date with somebody. You met her, right? Yeah. She's a very nice girl. And Andrea goes, oh, Blake's coming. So I go, okay, you know, Blake Griffin, huh? Yeah. We see him come in and then Andre leaves to go say hi to him. And then, you know, I turned, and this is the mistake I made. I turned to the girl and the date I go, let's go say hi to Blake, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So Blake's there and I go in to shake his hand. Big hands. Right? And he looks at me and he grabs me and he pulls me up into the sky. Yeah, like Lion King. Like the Lion King.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah. And- Oh, Sibenya. Yeah. And so what happens is, I go, he's going to put me down, right? Were you there?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were there, though. Yeah, I was there. Yeah, yeah. And he goes, he has a monologue. Yeah. Hey, guy. He goes, hey, guy, I don't shake your hand. I hug you. That's right. Right? And I like lifting you, and you're my little guy, this and that, right? And I'm up there for about a minute, right? And I'm blushing, and I'm trying to get down, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, help, help, help, right, right? He finally puts me down and I'm blushing, right? And I'm thinking to myself, oh, my date didn't notice that, right? So then I texted her yesterday. This is what I text, I go, this is so embarrassing. She goes, I go, do you remember when Blake Griffin picked me up as if I was an American Girl doll? And then this is what she says, your legs were dangling.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, you know what? You just go on. I go on a lot of first dates. I'll just say that. And not a lot of seconds.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'll tell you what, Jules, when you do, you act as if I'm not from this planet. I don't have the same kind of social media you have.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Australia, you had some zingers on. Zingers. The kid was on fire. But anyway, yeah, so he picked me up like a little, because you've never been picked up.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
This is the same topic, but this whole fucking Korean deer thing got out of hand. What are you talking about? A Korean deer? People online were like, there's a Korean deer.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
This looks like Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does look like you. It looks exactly fucking like you. Then I posted on my story and I got more comments than I've ever had.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
That's what I'm saying. When you say that I look like that, it doesn't seem sexy. Well... You know what I mean? Well, look, look. I've never fucked a deer. Like, that deer has never been laid by another deer. That's not true. That's not true. Yeah, that's an incel deer, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So cute. Yeah, yeah. That's you, bro. Okay. That's you. But then a bunch of comments said, and I had to do research... Bunch of comments were like, dude, it's a fucking donkey, dude. You're a donkey. Is that a donkey? It's not a donkey. It's a deer. It's a deer. It's 100% a deer. It's a deer. It's a female deer. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. I don't know who the fuck. Okay.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I don't know who the fuck did that. Did you do that, Carlos? Phenomenal. Somebody did that. That's so good. That's so fucking funny. That's you, dude. That's literally you. That's insane. They put my beanie and my glasses on there. What's wilder.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
There's not an animal out there that you look at and go, oh, that looks like Andrew Santino. There's some animals that look like you, maybe.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, dude, there is a guy. I just saw it today. I love you. There's a new viral, listen, there's a new viral tiger. Google it. And I think this is more, it's a viral tiger that came out. Yeah, do it in all caps.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
That kind of does look like. That's when it came to me. That's you, bro.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not the same tiger. Go to that. That guy, though? That's Andrew, dude. Yeah, dude. That's you, dude. That's me. What's going on?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Well, he's... Highland's new sweetheart. He's a tabby cat. He's a tabby cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just... He's got the right proportions there. Look at him. He's so cute.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'll be honest with you. A future in podcasting isn't something that you would want to do.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'll take it. See what she's doing? She couldn't even look at you in your eye. What?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, podcasting sucks. I know, but what I'm saying is that why don't you do the easier, softer way, which is podcasting? Because you'll make more money.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You work less hours. She doesn't care about that. And you have freedom. But you don't care about that.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'm going to say this and I'm going to speak on her behalf. This is what she wanted to say. It's weird. You're like much younger than Bobby, but you guys look the same age. Right. That's what her eyes said. That's what her eyes said?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You know that guy? Yeah, I know. What is that? The guy that does that? The girls do it. I've never seen a guy do it. What? I don't think you know what I just did.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Usually, usually cringe. Cringe anime streamer? No, like cringe. Any cringe Instagram or TikTok streamer. Usually has one or two videos. Dude, you're on your Gen Z fucking.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Gets an axe. Forget it, dude. Forget it. Let's move on. No, let's watch him. No, forget it. Let's move on. Let's watch him. Let's watch him.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You know, I read that one. Find the fucking thing. I was like, the face thing.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go back. I don't want to go back to $2. Maybe the one with the blue hair. Blue, yeah. Yeah, this shit. Yeah. Yeah. Look, Andrew.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Oh, yeah, yeah. It's now that we see it. Start it over. Let's see. Yeah, it's this kind of thing where they're like. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah. And if you did that, my heart. Do try. Try it. Maybe you have it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see it. Go. We did it. Just do it. We'll cut it out if you don't like it. Yeah, go.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
oh wow so good don't do it don't do it yeah you're not you don't have it now now my heart is free I know you can't do it can't do it yeah yeah how many views is it like is this popular this is Misty Raines a lot of people like they go to Misty Raines thing so they just watch her do that three fucking million people yeah yeah yeah holy let's go to this one yeah here we go dude I'm working too hard yeah what are we doing yeah
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jess wanted to promote her show. Is that why you're here?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And he's like thinking of lotus flowers and grasshoppers. When you get old, an Asian man will only, what do they think about? Taking long walks. Long walks. Putting their hands behind their back. It has to be attached. Has to. Because watch, when a Korean man unattaches it, he stops walking. They'll fall over. They'll fall over. It's all about weight. So... Yeah. Right. They think about what?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Fill in the blank. You know, you and I come here, try to set the tone of the show. I brought a popcorn. Pretty good rant. It was a good rant. That was good. Popcorn, you know, a couple of other things. And... You had the $2 thing. Right. And it died. And I think that's why you're mad. And you know what? There's a healthy way of getting that resentment out.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
The way you're doing it, you're going back and forth like that in your new chair. I'm rocking in my chair. Doing this, like the thinker, whatever you're doing with your hand. I've never seen you do this before. Oh, it's because my back hurts. The thinker, you know what I mean? So I think we all know in the room, right, that that was a fail.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I want to... forget i was gonna say joke but like why be mean now no i don't want because it's that's not fair right so anyway you said your saggy tits i don't want to see no i didn't say that no i was gonna say something way worse but go ahead i love you well now you have to say it no i was i was kidding i didn't have one say it no say it a beautiful lady naked now go ahead um
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Well, I have done it before. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Ian Edwards. You know what I mean? I try to get Chappelle. But what do they have in common? They're black. Exactly.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
It might be dead. Let me say something. Most of the people, they go in for like a minute. I try to go up for 10 minutes because I go to the point where I'm about to die. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Well, that's good. Yeah, yeah. That's very good. And I'm going to tell you why, if I may. Okay? You may. Well, I'm going to. Thank you. Okay. I go to Hyundai Day Spa.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
They love bamboo arrangements. Arrangements. Bonsai trees. Bonsai trees. Clipping. Dude, have an old Asian man walk by Bonsai. They'll be clipping. They'll be clipping. That's why they have clippers in their fucking pockets. All old Asian men. Just in case, right? If I want to buy a bonsai tree, dude, dude, you'll see me clipping all day long. He'll be clipping. He'll be clipping.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I've been going there for years and there's like a 95 year old man that's there. Okay. Okay. And he does a routine and I observe him. Okay. Yeah. Over the years, last 20 years.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And he does halfway in the cold plunge. Yeah. Then there's two different spots. There's a jacuzzi, but there's also a spring water one where it's super hot. Love that. So he'll go five minutes there and he goes back and forth. And I think what he's doing is circulating his blood. Just trying to stay alive. Yeah, yeah. And so I've been following the same thing as he does. Good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You know what I mean? And I think there's something to do with your health.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Can we go to Wii Spot so I can show you how long I go into the cold plunge? I don't think you would believe me, so I want to do it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
This is real because she told me about the afterwards. Well, did you lose it?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
This is me. This is me walking down. You're right. This is me walking down. You can't resist. I can't resist it, dude. If I see, dude, a lotus flower, dude, or if I see a grasshopper, I do this, they jump right on my finger.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
When you see G spot. Usually I charge, I'll do it for free. When you see G spot, what do you mean? Like in the penis cavity or like my anal cavity?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, you do make noises in the steam room that you can't. It feels good. Yeah. This is a noise that Koreans make. I don't care where you're from in Korea.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
We know what this means. And there's no... It doesn't mean anything, but we know what it means. Yeah. It's this. It's unspoken. Here we go. I go, I go, I go, I go, I go. It's aigu, aigu, aigu, aigu about four or five times. We understand what that means. Aigu. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, it's like it feels good, but it hurts. But, you know, I'm glad. You know what I mean? Right. It's soothing, you know. And there's another one that we know what it means is juk-juk. I told you about that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We don't have to read. You know about juk-juk? Yeah. What is it?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
See what he does, McCone? Yeah, he's worthless. He just agrees without listening. At this point, he just comes around. When you do improv, agreeing is fine, but you have to listen as well.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah. Isn't that like to... And then we philosophize. Yeah, right. Yeah. We always philosophize. Another thing that all Korean men think of is. Mountains. They love sitting up in the mountains. How do you know about mountains? I'm Korean. How do you know about us and mountains, dude? I'm Korean, dude. Oh, my God. And tea. They love. Love. Love tea, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
That hurts the most. Yeah, the velocity and the energy behind that is so hurtful.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
They created it, right, during the Vietnam War. They did. Yeah. And they're so hard to cash in because they're rare. They're very rare. It's a trick almost. It is. So the prosecutor goes, I can't cash this in. Right? And they frame them. They always frame them.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Anyway. Wow. Write that down, guys. Steve Wozniak does his $2 bill. Let's go. Wow. We do something else. Hope Corps. Let's go back to Hope Corps. Explain to people what Hope Corps is. We'll just cut that out, Andrew. Sometimes even the king misses. Anyway.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. Well, in the middle, what is it? Go ahead. The Hershey's Kiss. Oh, thank you. Can you put this?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
It's a lot of, it's a montage of videos that make you feel like hopeful. But they include some of that, but they mostly include like soldiers coming home or, you know what I mean? Or a dog, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Or friends reuniting and stuff like that, right? So, but here's the thing. When I watch Hope Corps video, are you doing this board thing now? Are you mad about, are you mad about the Steve Wozniak $2 bill thing? I'm listening. No, there's something going on in your face. I can see you processing Steve Wozniak. How about this? Let's pause Hope Corps. Let's go back to the $2 bill.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Go ahead, tell us about it. I'm so curious now. I don't want to hurt your feelings. What happened? So Steve Wozniak. Did you get some pussy last night? No, no, no. Are you in a good mood because you got a little pussy? No, no, no. So Steve Wozniak.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, so Steve Wozniak. Go back on it. So Steve Wozniak, he prints his own $2 bills, eh? Does he really? I don't know. You're the one that told us. I had no idea. Okay. How did you know about this? Because you told us this five minutes ago. I did? Yeah. I've never heard of this before in my life. This thing that you're doing is very interesting. I've never seen you do this style of comedy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Wait, no, what? Of complete denial. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's a reversal. Go back to Steve Wozniak, please. Why are you obsessed with Steve Wozniak? Okay, okay. So let's go back to Hope Corps.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
What are you doing right now, dude? This is an interesting thing to do. What's YouTube right now is very weird, and it's kind of pissing me off. Is it really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on? Well, I'll tell you why, because... You put a halt to some of the things I say sometimes. Do I? Yeah. And when I do it to you, right, you have a nervous breakdown in your mind. Do I? Yeah. You did one.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Is this your internal monologue or mine? I was reading it. It sounds like it's yours. See this thing you're doing? I love it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah. Let's get the resentment out. So, because I don't want to continue the show without. I've never seen one. I'm in good. Have you ever seen him do this? Good spirit. Have you ever seen him do a fucking fentanyl nod? It's the new chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like this federal nervous ticket. I get a new chair and I'm feeling good. Okay, good. So anyway, the $2 bill.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You can't rock in your chair. I'm trying. Steve Wozniak. You know what I mean? He built a machine and it's $2 fucking bills, you know?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Oh, you think you could thrust better than me? Dude, I can thrust too, dude. You're okay. Anyway. All right, that's enough. So I've been watching whole core videos.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, but the thing is, is that- Make me cry. At the end of the day, after every video, I think to myself, I would not react like that. Like for instance, friends that I've been seeing 25 years or 30 years, They cry, they hug. Dude, if you and I were separated for 15 years and then all of a sudden we reunited.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, you wouldn't. I think I would cry too. It's fine if you wouldn't. I just definitely wouldn't. It would depend of why I was gone for 15 years. Like if I was in an internment camp. I mean, I think that there's a lot of like emotions that would come up like, oh my God, I'm seeing people for the first time. I haven't eaten either. Well, why did you go in the first place? What did you do?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I said, I lied. I was Japanese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happens. Just wanted free rent for a while. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I don't think, I think I would be like, oh, like I would be like, if I see somebody, a friend of mine for 30 years, I'd be like,
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I haven't eaten in 24 hours. Why? Because I took the last bit of my Ozempic. Wow, Pete. This is bad. I can tell. They look bad. Yeah, they look bad and they smell bad.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Then what? than calling you out on the $2 with Steve Wozniak. The Steve Wozniak day. I've never regretted something more. It was very funny. No, no, no. I can see your eyes. I've never, oh my God, I fucked up, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I can't believe that you're so upset about it. It's insane. Oh my God. So anyway. But here's another. I love you so much. Here's another whole quarter thing.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So there's, you know, the soldier's coming home. Soldier comes home. Yeah. Surprises his eight-year-old kid at school. He's blindfolded, right? Yeah, sometimes he's blindfolded.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
But my dad? Then I always think to myself, I'm home, right? I'd be like, ah! I would have like run. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I know. You did your time. But his Asian wife, 65. Right? And dog died and two dogs survived. Who were the survivors? Let me see the survivor dogs. Yeah, survivor dogs, man. Yeah, yeah. There they are. There's some of the dogs. Those are German Shepherds. German Shepherds.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Oh, so you're saying if they don't have the numbers, we're not going to be able to tell what Korean is what?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
That's not what you're saying. Then explain to what you're saying. Maybe I was being racist, but explain to me. That was what I was saying.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
There is a similarity. No, I have Asian eyes. Uh-huh. And maybe it's like the movie They Live. What's that? They Live was a Roddy Piper movie. Oh, nice. And he puts on glasses and he can see messages and signs and aliens through the glasses. And that's what my little Asian eyes are. Yeah, yeah. They Live. It's a great movie. It really is. John Carpenter, I think, did it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Thank you for saying that out loud. I just thought that. Yeah, what do you see? Through Letterboxd. Like, do you see this? I'm a Criterion Collection movie guy. You know what I mean? No.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
You're not IMAX. Dude, you don't see IMAX. That's good. If you're looking through, you can see the sky.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I feel like you're opening them. I make noises if I do it. Oh, yeah. You have to.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Guy, let me tell you something about ethnicities. We're the same. And the type of person you are, you make it different. I see a black heart. You saw Blackheart in this guy? Yeah, and you have colon cancer.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Name me one Korean with AIDS. Can't do it. You can't think of it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He's on the move. I got bumps all over my penis. What? Do you? Different mounds, different colors.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Do you really think? I pee green for some, you know. You know, he's never been tested. Yes, I have. Fuck. When? When? Four months ago, I got tested.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I just thought he goes, you think we should get tested?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Oh, you'll speak back. Well, whenever an Asian does an accent, I'm respectful and I do the accent back.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They were very good in the Holocaust. They were good, dude. And their work is not credited. Right?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But he was in LA. Yeah. So I just called the director FaceTime and I go- since he's in LA, I don't think he should need, he goes, I want the accent.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, and I go, yeah, but you know, I mean, if it was in Korea, maybe, I was talking to an English, I want the accent.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
You find it's been- I'll tell you who fucked me up about it. Who? John Cho.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
John Cho is Hawaii Five-0? No, John Cho is, we did Harold and Kumar together.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in the Star Trek movies as Sulu.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
ZocDoc, when was the last time you needed to go to a doctor, but you pushed it off? Like, oh my God, you know what I mean? I don't have time. Everything will be fine. My wifey.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
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Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
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Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
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Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
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Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
You guys, I would not be standing here right now or sitting here without it. My body does not move without energy shots. You know what I mean? Because I'm a sloth. Right. And I don't move to the rhythms of the universe.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I love these shots, man. Like sometimes I'm super tired. I got to perform in front of, you know, thousands and thousands and thousands of people. I get a shot of energy.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He looks at me, and I ask him, I go, we were on sets. I forgot what it was, and I go... you ever do accents? He goes, yeah, I don't do them. Do you get offered? Yeah, I just don't do them. I go, why? He goes, I just don't think we need to. And it's just an integrity thing. He goes, I'm fine that you do it because you do a lot of broad comedies and I get it, but I just don't want to do it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And it made me feel shame about it. Why? Because every role I get is an Asian accent. Oh,
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Wild Walker coming. And they're like, yeah, I mean, you don't need an accent, but I don't know why I have one right now.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
We never go to these places. Never go to these places. Once the show's done, we no come back. We no come back. Yeah, yeah. So you got to go.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay. I think we shouldn't predict. Okay. You know what I mean? No, because you know what happens on the show when we predict? Yeah, it doesn't. It happens. But so here's the thing. They say it's not carbon monoxide poisoning. Got to be. They said it's not. And they said it's not foul play. So I have a prediction. Fair play. So maybe someone deserved to kill him. It was fair play.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
The Throwback, nothing. Drugstore June, nothing. Magnum P.I., nothing. No Magnum P.I. Yeah, you're right.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Can I say something a little derogatory towards you right now, Andrew, if I may?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
This is the first time I've seen your ankles. Oh, really? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Unbelievable. What was the first album you ever bought? The Velvet Underground and Nico album. Really? Yeah, at like 12. Wow.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And I think this, okay? One of the dogs was scared of the Asian wife. Oh, at some point. He's thinking, I'm going to go soon. It's me or her. No, he's German. They're German shepherds. I don't know.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He goes, yeah, yeah, get me whatever you guys get. We were in a meeting at Sony executives and he's telling the, you know this happened. He's telling the group where he met certain people. This is the first time I met any of these people. He's like Bill Clinton in like the best way. In 2009, man. Remember you had that office over on this and this and this? He's like, yeah, man.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I've been fucking with you for a while. That's who you are.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And by the way, Jean's getting so old, he couldn't control her from doing that. Right. So one day, the dog, I can't do a German accent.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I'm going to give you some insight. Yeah. He's going to be very mad about it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
All right. When we go to the airport, he acts as if he's Jason Bourne. Hat down. You know what I mean? Yeah. Right? Rifling. He's a star. Yeah. I mean, just see. I'm open haired. No, I know. Bright eyed. You know what I mean? Say hi to everybody. Yeah. Right. This guy thinks he's fucking Ethan Hunt. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, do it for me. Saw a gigantic chocolate bar exposed.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He doesn't buy shit. I like to look at the Dolly Ranchers. He moseys. He moseys until he's recognized. Correct.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, so here's the deal. I need you to back me up, okay? Okay, okay. So here's the logic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I want you to be, your heart open.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I know, but you know what it does to you. What does it do to me? It kills you. So he saw the chocolate bar, right? This is my time. And what does the other two dogs say?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
One time you said to me, we weren't at the airport. I was just sitting there on a curb or something, and you turned to me and goes, I like your fashion. Yeah, I think it looks cool. So you know that I dress a certain way. You got great fashion. I think you look cool. Undoubtedly. Yeah, so what I'm saying is that I don't dress differently in my regular life than the airport.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay, secondly this, I can't go into the convenience store? Are you parched ever? Yeah. You want a bottle of water? Yeah. Are you allowed to get one? Yeah. If somebody accidentally goes, yo, Andrew Schultz, Are you attention seeking?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And Andrew, I want to say one last thing. Yes, please. And this is a truism. Yes. Okay. I have Ozempic burps. I just took a shot. Don't. Are you doing the Ozempic? Yeah, I did it like an hour ago.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So check this out, okay? Many years ago. Is he really on it? Yeah. Yes. How does that? I'm nauseous all the time. Like I'm on chemo. Let's move on.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all going to get it. All right, so I was doing a radio show with Patrice O'Neill in New York. And I was complaining about how Dr. Ken is getting everything at that time. Right? And he pulled me outside. When we were done, he goes, yo, son. That's what he said.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
No, no, he wasn't there. And he just goes, you know you and I are similar, right? I go, in what way? He goes, we don't know how to do the social shit. You know what I mean? We don't know how to bend or bridge the gap, right? We're so insecure and so we're comics, you know what I mean? That we can't go to a party and fake it. and have this mask that some people wear, you know?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yes. And at that moment I go, this kid is going to go places.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Because of just what your vision of what Hollywood's going to be like was spot on, right? And that what we're doing online is the future and all that stuff. And you said that many, many years ago.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They don't have web spider monkeys. Anyway, they have longer arms. I put monkey on it, but that's just how I feel. So what I want to say to you is this, okay, is I don't know what I was going to say. Oh, yeah. So this...
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Right, right. We connected. I thought I had good ideas about how the business would go. Right. And you were right on it, but you had a confidence about you, right? That was very... Just confident. You know what I mean? And you fulfilled all those things.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So I kind of put you in his category in many ways. Ah. You know what I mean? I think he's better socially. Oh, I know what I was going to say. That's not even what I was going to say.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
That's nice. Anyway. I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing. I'm saying. You're leaving? Get him a water. Oh, there's one right by you. Right by your foot. Right by your foot. Okay.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And I'm putting the flower in your gun. Get off the range. Right? Like the fucking 60s, dude.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I'm not even going to say what I'm going to say. You started this. I'm not even going to say what I'm going to say. You fucking started it. Oh, I'm going to say my point. It's not funny. It's an observation. Oh, go ahead. So wham. The band? Yes. Okay. He says we're the band Wham. So the Wham broke up. I thought that was the first album. Why did the Wham break up? Why? Egos. Yes.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
That's a long play. I don't know if he would go all the way to New Mexico. Yes, he would. He loves New Mexico. How do you know that Viggo Morrison likes New Mexico? We vacation there.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Every band happens. Ego. I understand this philosophy. But you guys. And human nature. You guys never have that issue. We never have. Do you know why? Why is that? I give him majority of the power. Yes, I do.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So that I don't break up the band. It's out of love for you.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I know, because it's the cyber age now. This guy shows up to practice like, did anybody tune my shit? Yeah. We have a garage band now. What do we need instruments for? But anyway... No, I'll tell you why this band is so good. Tell me, tell me, yeah. For real. Be honest, because I thought what I said was kind of honest, but.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
The truth be this, okay, if I may. Yeah. Okay, and I'm not attacking you. I'm not attacking you. I love you so much, right?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
All right, so. Good. Okay. There's a flower in that. Go. Okay, so. You do have fun. I know when, I know, like there was one time. Yeah. And he knows with me too.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
There's one time where I told the crew, I don't think today is a good day to like let Andrew be, he's going through something. Because I know he goes through the depression.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah. It's really bad. It's like clinical almost.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
It is literally clinical. He literally shuts down and he doesn't say anything all day long.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So if I went, what the fuck's your problem? That would cause a riff. Yeah. So I let him be him.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And then when I'm going through my stuff, he lets me be me. I lift him up.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Let me try it. Hold on. Hold on, dude. Blue Chew. I have ED sometimes. And I thought I wasn't going to die. But now Blue Chew. And now I can get erect. And now I can do lovely bubblies.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Exactly. Blue Chew tablets are made in the U.S. And prepare it and ship directly to your door. You can take them anytime, day or night, or you can just plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Here's another one that you forgot. So good. Young Frankenstein. Oh my God. He plays the blind guy. That's right. So funny.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And we got a special deal for our listeners, Andrew. We do. Try your first month of Bluetooth free. Visit Bluetooth.com for more details and safety information. And we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast. Shopify. Ladies and gentlemen, we have an online business. We wouldn't do it without Shopify because they're the best.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So if you're growing into your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell whatever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Go to shopify.com slash badfriends, all lowercase, to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash badfriends. Please, give me a shot. Sorry. Thank you so much. Why are you thanking me? Thank you so much. Yeah. I forgot what the part was. You know what I mean? Thank you. Do you have conflicts with India? See? Do you have conflicts with India? He really doesn't care.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Ask me a question you really care about. Yeah, do you have conflicts with India?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He stopped texting me for a while. Why? Because I never returned.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But that's not because of a personal thing. If he doesn't understand that, that's his problem. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Have I ever texted you back? Yeah. Every time? Every time. Yeah. You're a big star. Let's say you're number one on the call sheet.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, like, so Michael Bay, the director. Oh, let me tell the story.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Hey everyone from Texas, Houston specifically. I need you to buy tickets for my show on March 28th and 29th of this year. Go to HoustonImprov.com. Buy the tickets or I'm going to hurt myself. I'm going to hurt myself. I might die. I might die.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay, thank you. I don't like your energy right now. Tone it down. No, go ahead. Okay. So he comes, right? And it's always... So we're in the green room, in the main room, in the bathroom part.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
In the private part, right? He sits down and it's always like, World War II, right? They're attacking. You're a convenience store owner. You're still a merchant guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a rule. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Explain me the history of LA culture. He's pitching him a role.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Right? Right. And I get so discombobulated. Yeah, that's right. Is that the right word?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Discombobulated. Yeah. I go, I need to fucking do a pass.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So what I do, and this is the difference between him and I, whereas I'm not comfortable. Like he's invited me like, hey Lee. I go, Michael? He goes, come over for Thanksgiving. There's no way I'm gonna go over there for Thanksgiving. Oh, it's that close. So I don't show up.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Invite him to the Super Bowl. I go, I'm going to Miami, which I was. Are you familiar with his work? Yeah, I love it. Yeah, he's a prolific filmmaker. I love his movies. They're just action-packed fun.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Big time. He's big time. And then he's on the Celtic court front seat. I saw that. Who gets that? Jack Nicholson and this guy. Celtic court? I wouldn't be able to get in the building. Jack Nicholson. Are you just saying that because of The Departed?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They go to the Celtic Club in Boston, right? I couldn't get in the building. And if I do, I'm the top row with the hand, with the finger. I don't believe that. You know what I mean? Thank you, by the way.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I don't believe that to be true. I'd have to buy a ticket. There's no connections I have, and that's the truth.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
That's crazy. Validate that. Is that kind of what happens? Be real. Be real, Carlos. I'll get mad.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Exactly. Yeah, but you push away. I don't push away. You push away. I escape. Okay. Two different things. Okay, dude, you get it. You know what I mean? Let me ask you something. If you're in Auschwitz, would you be digging holes? Wait, what? I think that's a wrong term for that. If you're in a Japanese internment camp. There it is.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
If you're in a Japanese internment camp, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be the Japanese going.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They looked at the penises? No. Okay, that's what I did.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Right. But he survives, you know what I mean? By Pearl Harbor. You know what I mean? I-Chinese. I-Chinese, right?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when he's older, maybe the LA riots. Yeah. He's an old man. I Chinese. Gets out of all.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Like, this is going to be fucking easy. Yeah, but my argument against that is there was some- Because Japanese have been a part of America for so long.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, that's all. Yeah, some of them were second generation Asians.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And that's what happened to George Takai. Yeah. George Sakai. Right. As a kid. Yeah. He was Japanese though.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Let me ask you about the baby. Yes. Talk to me. How many do we have now? Yeah, I got one. Still one. Yeah, still one. I was talking to Kalilah earlier today. It's never enough.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, thank you. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're past that. Yeah, yeah. You know how I feel about it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I lost money. It's not a lucrative thing. Unless you're Ryan Reynolds.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Oh, that feels like we're just piling on. I don't ever stick a penis in my butthole.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
When a girl puts on a dildo and they fuck you from behind.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They really don't fucking know. I'm so glad because I've seen some uggos.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah. Walk that baby. Yeah, fried noodle it. But what I would do is, because when the feet comes out in the body, it stretches the vagina.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
There's another story that I just saw on TikTok. It's the movie that he did, that sci-fi movie with Jake Gyllenhaal.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And I will have one. Good. Yes, you will. I got to find the person, though. You'll be a great papa, too. And it's difficult. It's been difficult, Andrew. What's your thing? You get behind it. Yeah, I get behind the condom. I mean, I don't do it reverse. Are you saying hit it from behind? Yeah. I feel like- You think I stick the fucking condom in my butthole and do it from behind?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. Okay. I'll try that next time. But I did. But a lot of times, women are like, I know you enough. What position? What position? I think you get behind it. I don't. My knees burn. Yeah. He's got bad knees. That's really rude. What do you mean? Because I have short legs. Okay. And the women that I date are much taller than me.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. So then they have to do a squatty thing too. And we're all burning thighs. You know what I mean? And it's like, I'll do like 10. And then I'll go, hey, you want to switch back to missionary? That's the one I'm good at.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But here's the thing that they do. I don't understand this.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They get on it. Yeah. instead of going up and down, they think they're in a luau. Can I tell you why? They think they're in a luau and it's twisting your thing, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Collateral Horizon. Life. We were right there. We were right there. So close. I would have got life. So see the girl that's, go back. Rebecca Ferguson. Rebecca Ferguson said something crazy about him. I don't know if it's true. I wasn't there. It looks true. But he was really mean to her.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I don't have the length. I didn't say that at all. I never had to flip out when it does up and down.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. And they need to shake it around to hit the sign. Yeah. You know how like grass, the breeze? Yes. You frolic through grass? Yeah. It's kind of like that, my penis. Really? Yeah, it just frolics.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Just pull up the cord. No, Andrew, okay? Many women have said it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Maybe you have a great dick and you've been catfishing us. No, gaslighting us. I'm being real for a second. Ian Fiden saw it. You showed it to me and I was... I was...
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And it's on 80 every day. And I was like, I don't know what that, you know what I mean? I like you. And then when they see it, they go, oh, it's boyfriend.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I got husband dick. I got girlfriend dick. Ian financed on mine in the spa.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And he can judge. He also has bad vision. When things blur, they widen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he even said, it's so cute. That's mean. Why? I think it's a compliment. I think it's a different. I think it's sitcom penis. Oh, yeah. Like it tests well. I'm here. It tests well. It does test well. You know what I mean? Like if it was in a sitcom, they'd be like, people are like, oh.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. It's Pixar. Whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nemo. Not Nemo, not Nemo. Dory. Not Dory, no, no, no. I don't really know. What's that big white blob of a, you know what I mean? The robot, inflatable white. Oh, that one.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. How long has marriage been a thing in human race? No, 5,000 years. Okay. 4,300 years. So 4,300 years.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Were human beings around before that? Yeah. For how many years? A lot. Probably thousands of years. Thousands more. More. Maybe it could be a million. Maybe millions. Right? We don't know. What the fuck did they do that in a million years? They got married. No, they didn't. You don't think? No, they were nomads. Well, you still got married. No, no. You would go to a village or a dwelling. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I love him. He's so talented. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. So fucking funny.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. And so one day she comes on set and she goes, I'm not doing scenes with you anymore. I'm going to do it with the tennis ball.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. And then the producer went up to her and she goes, he's number one on the Chicago seat. He has to be there.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But what I'm saying is that, is it human nature to be with one person for the rest of your life?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Having a partner for the rest, I don't know if it's genetically.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. You're in love with this person. I watched a documentary called Civilization. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So we were nomads for many, many years. Yeah. Okay. As soon as we had grown crops. Yes. Wheat. Wheat.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And we made settlements. Yeah. And that's when the marriage thing came.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay. You know, I believe it's supposed to be true then.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Everyone's dead. My brother not. Dead. Steve's younger.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah. No, what? If Steve's still alive, probably most to him. And then the rest too? If you're still alive, I'd give you some.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to do it and then I'm going to disappear.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
We'll bank it because I want two weeks. Where are you going to go? I'm going to go to Costa Rica.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay, then I'll do a month of promoting, and then I'll go to Cluster.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They didn't hit that number that you wanted? No, they never offered.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And when Denzel's a truth teller. He really is. When he says like, I don't know if it's A.I., But with his voice. Well, it could be. He can say anything and it'll be like a spiritual experience.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They do, they do. They treat the uggos differently. The couple last movies, I was in one of those. Quarter, like a fucking. I'm talking a quarter, 10% trailer. It was like barely a human being could go in there.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Literally the toilet and that's it. You're sitting on the toilet to watch YouTube videos. And then you have to wait there for so long. All day. All day. And then you're like... Hey, can lunch, can I leave? No. And they go, no, absolutely not. We need you. What if we need you? So then lunch happens four hours later. They don't need you. They don't need you. It's bullshit.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I know, but can I say something for a redhead? And I get a lot, one time I was at one of your shows. What do you mean, at our show that we do together? No, we weren't doing it together. It was a show that I was supporting you.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And a lady in the audience, I was sitting kind of in the side, and she turns to me and goes, your boy is handsome.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
No, I've heard a lot of that on the internet. I've heard a lot about it in my direct messages. And I just want you to own up to your handsomeness. No, no, no. Because you have a mutant color of the hair. Yeah, because I'm a mutant. I'm a freak. But the faces. Andrew Santino is so hot. What the fuck? Yeah, but that's a guy. These are all guys. They're not guys, dude. Trust me. Look at 2020, 2022.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
What is that? When you type in Bobby Lee hot. It's about spicy wings. Spicy wings. Right? That ate hot stuff. But you do. No, I know I have, but that's bullshit. Wait, scroll down a little.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I do it for comedy. You always do it for comedy. Yeah. Anyway, let's get out of that. But you're hot. Let's move on. No, no way. You can't say you're an ugly one.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Timothee Chalamet. Exactly. And from what I've talked to Theo about, because Theo had him on. Oh, yeah. He's the nicest guy.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
You know what I mean? And he's unaffected, and he... Why can't you just be that? You know you're on the top of the world. You know how much money you're making.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And why can't you just accept that and go, you know what I mean? I'm grateful for everything that I've... Something's going on inside.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I had to, dude. Even your mustache is fancier. I hate it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. Don't get defensive, dude. Oh, is that Korean? That's great. What does that mean? Bad friends. Bad friends. Oh, sick. Yeah, yeah. You know, I was talking to somebody about, somebody went to that Euro of sushi place. They said it was the best sushi. And then I told them, I go, Andrew Schultz didn't like it. And they couldn't, no one can believe that. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I'm just saying. It might not be the best. Yeah, yeah. They're good at flying. They're not good at driving. Let's just say that.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But can I go back to the movies, though? We make better movies, the Koreans. Koreans do make the best film.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
It's a franchise. I'm not in it. You're not? I'm not the squid.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Hello. Hello. Hello, mate. My. Beans on toast. We're coming to London, England, and Dublin, Ireland. Right.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I'm Andrew the waiter. Yeah, Andrew the waiter. All right, so keep going. Because I'm learning from you.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I know. It was $9. Yeah. So, Benny, the reason why, because a girl told me I was fat, and she was not attracted to me when we were making out, and I had to lose the weight.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah, yeah. I was chicken, chicken. Yeah. And she's like, I don't like that sound. How about that? Oh, you're listening to yourself. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, go. And then afterwards, go ahead. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Is there sexual, when you worked with her before, was there some sort of sexual tension?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
ZocDoc. Ow, ow, ow. What's going on? Your throat? Ow, ow, ow. Your throat's broken? Oh, yeah, my throat's broken. Oh, my God. Your throat always breaks. And as a podcaster, I need my throat to work. Yeah. I have a recommendation. What? ZocDoc. Oh, ZocDoc.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
That's right, guy. Oh, wow. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. Wow.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash bad friends. ZocDoc.com slash bad friends.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
If I display it in the 80s, Because I had a lot of rock posters on my wall.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Displate is a one-of-a-kind metal poster designed to capture your unique passions. Displate created a 21st century canvas that's sturdy, magnet-mounted, and durable enough to withstand a lifetime of intense staring.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Stop getting so horny. We're like. I'm a hard. Yeah. Yeah. So hard. Yeah. Keep going. Jazz. Thai food. My favorite.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
It's so funny that you say that. What? That was a Wigovie burp. Wigovie burp. Sorry, that was a Wigovie burp. That should be a commercial for Wigovie. Yeah, yeah. I had an injection late yesterday. Did you? Yeah, yeah. What is Wegovy? It's the same thing as- Ozempic and Mancharo? Yeah, yeah. Where does it- In your stomach.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Let's go back to you and Selena because it was a side quest. Second date, she comes over to your house.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I have. We're getting there. We're getting there. No, I have. But also, 99%. Yeah, you felt it. You can't be 80% sure. Oh, my God. Sketchy. If she would have went like this, if she would have went and turned away, is the working relationship done at that point? No more songs? No, I don't think so.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
But you would have to apologize like, I'm sorry, I read it wrong. I guess so.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You've read it wrong? Yeah. You've read it wrong? I've read it wrong, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You know what, Benny? Your tone today... Dude, it went from like equal grounds to like you being like them. No, I have you on a roller coaster. That's right.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
We have our appetizer. We're going to work on the appetizer for a second. We have to discuss this first.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I know. There's only two things on the appetizer, but you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Oh, can I ask you this before? You're not getting into it. Yeah. You don't have to get into specifics, right? But did the kiss lead to more that day? It did not. Okay, when did that happen? He wants to know date and time. No, I don't want to know date and time. I just eventually like, and don't get specific. No, no, no. When did you guys start dating then? Immediately.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
hands free well we already are hands free but we're like there's nothing in our face we're not wearing a headphone like we're just talking in a room you don't have to wear headphones but this is how we hear each other more crisp and you can hear the levels if we play video I know what Benny's saying what you're saying like a lav mic or something or like maybe a mic here yeah maybe just something simple right Benny what's it like having a super famous fiance very good question can you go to wait wait can you go to a mall like can you go to the Beverly Center with her no
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I'm being for real. There's no way. I swear. You will get nothing done. I swear I take a fucking boat. So you don't fly ever.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You never do that? Never did that before, yeah. This is what producers do. Rick Rubin. Quincy Jones. Yeah, that's a Quincy Jones move right there, dude. You let it go right in your butt. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Oh, it's working. It's working. See, dude, you wear them down. Yeah. Now, does that work, wearing down? Be honest. Be your truth. Yes. Wearing down helps. I think so.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
But in many ways, you wore Selena down, no? I mean, you were working together for years, right? So you had that friendship. Trustworthy.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
All right, so I'm not going to try. Yeah, maybe just go on friend dates. Anyway. I don't know yet. I don't know yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You never, try. No, like. Let's try. Well, you don't go to the Beverly Hills.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
We love the belly fat of that baby hedgehog. Oh my God, it melts right in your mouth.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I'm all here with you, Bobby. The way you laughed just now, dude, really pissed me off, bro. It did? When you were poor in the 90s. Did it make you mad in real life? Yeah, it did. Everyone laughing, fuck off. Did it make you mad in real life? Yeah. I was just trying to... I got... I was being honest. I know, Benny. I got...
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
When I was 23 and I was performing as an open mic-er is when I got the confidence to meet. But before that, I was a version.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I guess at 23, dude. 23 was first blowjob. Was 23 first kiss? I mean, I kissed out a girl. I kissed out. Kissed out a girl? She was knocked out. I kissed her out, dude. He kissed her so hard. Okay. Yeah. So I kissed a girl in high school. Her name was. No need to say the full name.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah, Maganol. And then the next Monday, it was a weekend, she denied it to everyone that she kissed me.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
And I opened it for Carlos Mencia back in the 90s, right? And I hooked up with her. I had sex with her, right? Then years later, I ran into another comic and he's like talking about her. You know what I mean? Yeah, she hooked up with all these comics. He listed the name. Yeah. And I go, was I in the list? He goes, no, she didn't mention you. Thank you.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I do. I have powers too, dude. Okay. Okay. I don't have Selena Gomez power, but I buy my own power, dude.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
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Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No. No. No. Perfect. He fucks her. Sends her to the hospital. He fucks her. Wow. And she's like, ah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
That's a movie. This is a movie. That's it. Yeah. Never spoke to her again. It's like that, how's them apples? Yeah. Right? Yeah. That scene. Yeah. Isn't that amazing? It's an amazing story. It's a true wonder story. I've never had a wonder story. Have you ever had a wonder story? You live a wonder story.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Here's another thing that I want to tell people right now. I'm glad we're bringing this up. Okay, now it's just FYI. Anyone that sees me at Wii Spa, right, don't recognize me. What do you think? You know what I mean? You're in a steam room. It's steamy. Are you Bobby Lee? They say that to you? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And we're all naked, right? And I always have to go, not here.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You say you're not Bobby Lee here, but you're Bobby Lee outside? I'm Ken Jeong here. Yeah. You're right. I'm Ken Jung, and then we'll go outside on Bobby Lee. My point is that it's one of those places, like when you're eating at a restaurant, where it's like, you don't do it here.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Right, but do you think naked in a spa is not a good place to get recognized?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Also, Benny, check this out. I'm 53. You're 53? Yeah, thank you. You look so young. Thank you, Benny. See this right here? That's a gun. Do you see it? Yeah. Right? Yeah. No, it's not a gun. This is a gun. Okay, what's this? This hurts. Going in your ass? No, no, no. I'm just saying. I was trying to make a point that everything hurts. Oh, yeah, I should have done that.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I get picked up. Yeah, he gets lifted. In the back. Like a trophy. No, anywhere. Everywhere. From behind, they're like, hey, I won this or whatever. Why do they pick you up? I'm small and I look like I can be picked up. He's pick-up-able. How tall are you? 5'3", 5'4".
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
What? Did you see him on SNL? No. Fucking killed. He needs to die. What? Too talented. Oh. The kid is fucking amazing. He's so fucking amazing. He is likable. Lovable. He's funny. Good looking. He can sing, play the guitar.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No. Did you see- The Elvis one was corny as fuck. Okay, did you see it though? No, I didn't. Yeah, I saw it, but he is right. Did you see the Bohemian Rhapsody?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah. You've never seen Avengers. No. Oh, you won't? No, I've never seen anything. You know any of the Avengers? No.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You gotta know one of them. You gotta know the superheroes. You're part of pop culture. So just guess an Avenger. What do you mean? Okay, you're Nick Fury, right? You're like Samuel L. Jackson's character. Who the fuck's Nick Fury? He's just in it. You don't have to guess now. Okay. I already just named him, right? Okay. So now there's an emergency, right? There's like Mexican aliens coming down.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Why didn't you just show your hand? You're right, you're right, you're right. I should have just done this. Yeah, why did I do that? I don't know. I don't know. That's insane. Are you shooting me like that you're feeble and crippled at this point? No, what I'm saying is that you get arthritis. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And your body just breaks down. And I'm sober, and it happens.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Okay. Right, from the sky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Mexicans from the sky, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You're saying who's the actor? No, no, no. You have to call the actual superhero. So who you call it? I'm your sidekick. I work for you. Spider-Man? Is he an Avenger? Yes, yes. Call Spider-Man. Yeah, call Spider-Man.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
That's it? That's all you know? Wolverine. It is Marvel Universe, not an Avenger.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
And then like, so obviously you've never heard, you've never seen any Star Wars or anything like that either then?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, no. I thought JJ Abrams. I never saw Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. Oh, No, J.J.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
So let's say I'm a girl, right? You break up with Selena, which is going to happen eventually. But my point is that, and I'm like, I'm at your house. It's like, what do you want to watch? What would we watch together? Me and you? Yeah, yeah. As guys? No, as I'm a girl. Don't say that with some hot girl. This is mustard. Yeah, mustard.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
In fact, I had my three-year AA birthday Saturday, and nobody... Damn. texted me in this room.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, that was gorgeous. Oh, okay. Isabella, Isabella, not in this lifetime.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
All right, change it to Isabella, Isabella. I do think that's better.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Because I want to say something real, though. Can I say something real to you, Benny? Yeah, you can say something. We didn't know much about you before. I really like you, man. You're such a nice guy. Intelligent. I think we have a lot in common.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, I think so, too. We're the underdogs. We're the underdogs. And you're winning. And I love it. You're winning. Yeah, so give Benny a round of applause.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You nerd. I mean, when you're married to Selena, oh, you're married? I'm engaged.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Does that make your upper lip moist? Because your upper lip right now is so moist. Mm-hmm.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Nobody knows. No one wants to fuck me. Shut up. What do you mean no one wants to? Nobody wants to fuck me. That's not true. You're bringing it up. Why? Because you're with Selena? I think you're so cute. Dude, I'm going to say something right now, and we're not going to bring it up again. I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of it, too. What is it? Because you're so loved. I'm tired of it, too.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Right now. Yes. Benny. Yes. Right now what I'm doing is I've talked to my therapist and I'm going to spend the next six months to a year completely alone. Why? Because. Celibacy? Yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, no. I'm meeting people. Okay. Right. But it's just like, you know, I want to be able to click. like this guy, and ride on a unicorn. You deserve to be on that unicorn. Thank you so much.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
If I'm a unicorn, where am I on the unicorn? Can I be honest? That doesn't look like a unicorn at all.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going left, dude. He's never going right. Anyway, I'm sitting on the horn.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah, yeah. You deserve the wine. Anyway, so go ahead. What? What? What's the question? This is your date. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
What's the rest of the fucking date? Well, it's the get to know you portion of the date. Get to know her. She's right there. Oh, really? Yeah, so.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I know, but I'm assuming it's 30. Okay. Okay. So, hey, Kalaya. No. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Right. Right, right. Hi, Mayo. Would that be a good name? Mayo. Hi, Mayo.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Bobby, can you keep going? Yeah, I'll keep going. So, Mayo, are you L.A. raised, born?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Raised or born? I was born in Tallahassee. Tallahassee, New York. No. Tallahassee, New York. Yeah, Tallahassee, New York. That's in Florida. In Florida? Yeah. Oh, I love Florida. So how long you been in LA? Bobby, I get asked this on every day. Oh, forget it. What are your dreams? My dreams? It's getting better. Oh, I like that. Yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Hey, Mayo. Yeah? What the fuck you doing? Whoa. No, what do you mean, whoa?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah. Fuck you, sir. Whoa. Yeah. Fuck you. You know what, male, I'm going to grab you.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Oh my God, dude. Right? We're going to where you deserve to go, Shake Shack. Oh, I love Shake Shack. Now we're in Shake Shack.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I ask about who they are. What I'm trying to get to is if they're damaged.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No. If there's some sort of deep trauma going on. You know what I mean? If they have a dream here in LA, can they make it? If they can't make it, I don't want to do it.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You know, you're a producer, right? Yeah. Right? You can hear it. If you saw a girl's Instagram and saw her singing, would you be able to, can you tell?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You're now a singer? I thought she was a boom mic. Made of sand. What I'm saying is that can't you tell as a stand-up, a girl, if she were at the open mic level, that she may or may not make it?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, I just want to be able to look at she, at least she can, you know, she has the ability to make it.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Sure. I don't like when people are like, I'm a good singer. And then they can't. And that means the delusion. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want delusion. You don't want, okay. Yeah. Yeah. No delusion. I want a good family upbringing. Okay. Delusion. Boom. Mike. Yeah. Boom. Mike. Wait, but not delusion.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Arthritis. Yeah. Okay. If they're in a, let's say their family died in a fire.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I have like five other tables. If your parents died in a fire. Yeah. Right? And then years later, I want to take you camping. Yes. Right? And I light a campfire. You might have PTSD from it. I don't want that. You go camping? He does. I do. You actually camp? Big camp guy.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You guys know what I'm saying. You want to know. He's not at the date. He's my waiter.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
All right, Benny, this is how Koreans, when they listen, that's the face they make. Watch any movie. Okay.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Wow. Al is a magician. Al is, he can get into anything too.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Like when a group of people walk out during a set up. People did that to you? Yeah, last night. I go, where are you going? And they turn around. We got to go to the bathroom. During a set up? Well. I get so mad. And then it's like, or they fall asleep. You get late night spots at the OR. There's always like a heroin nod lady. You know what I mean? In and out of consciousness.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. Itchies, bro. And you know what's also driving me crazy? Anime. I tell you. Dude, he's been really sticking you. He went up there. We did David Tell's benefit show for the fires. And I was second to last, but Adam went up a couple before me. He slaughtered, right? Yeah. But now I'm in the back of the room looking at the audience going... Why? I don't know why. What's wrong? I don't know.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. He's killing too hard. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look at audience and go... And they're like, why? You know what I mean? I go, don't laugh. No, no, no. Stop laughing. Yeah. And then they go, okay. And then they stop laughing. Right. And then when other groups, I go, like the Mexicans, they go crazy. I go, you know what I mean? And Adam's still killing. Was he doing him or Phil? Him.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
He's playing him. He's doing him, right? And then afterwards, I go up there, and I always do the Weasley thing. I just sit next to him. I put my arm around him. I go, you did good, huh? Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, it was fun. I go, uh-huh. And I squeeze a little bit. You're really trying to threaten him.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Is that a little big dog? Are you big dogging him when you do that? It's a little too much, man. I get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so much. And he's in a moment. And I love him dearly like a brother. You know that, right? Yeah. But it's like... But you're sick of it.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
How can you have a war? With who? With the Greeks and the... What the fuck? No, no, no. How can you have a war, right? If you're... a tiny island a micro island you know what I mean you know those micro islands you know how Philippines has those little tiny islands versus America
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, no. It's not a local war. ZocDoc. Ow. Ow. Me too. Me too. Oh, both of us. I'll tell you where to go.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Well, he does. He thinks I do. That's how I always talk to him. Where is he from? China. Oh, he's off the boat. Yeah, he's off the boat, yeah. Was he on the show? He thinks I'm from off the boat too.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
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Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
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Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
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Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
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Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You guys, I would not be standing here right now or sitting here without it. My body does not move without energy shots. You know what I mean? Because I'm a sloth, right? And I don't move to the rhythms of the universe.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
He comes over, yeah. Yeah, he comes over. I'm in the presence of a movie star. I'm in the presence of a superstar. Why do you keep singing this? Because I did two lines in Theo Vaughn's movie. I'm in the presence of a movie star. Yeah? Dude. Dude. Who'd you work for? Morgan Freeman this week. Morgan Freeman. Right? He does. I do want Theo Vaughn. I'm movie star.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I love these shots, man. Sometimes I'm super tired and I've got to perform in front of thousands and thousands and thousands of people. I need a shot of energy.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
This is a civil war. This is the North versus the South. No, let's stop. Let's stop. What are you doing? Nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not. It's more like California versus Washington. I'll give you that.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It is? I think so, right? How about this? Sac, we carve out San Jose for San Francisco, and then we go down. Okay, that's fine. Okay, good. Thank you, thank you.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
But anyway, yeah, maybe there is a little war. Yeah, see, I think you get Fresno for sure. That's huge. Yeah. It was the Josh Holm thing I think that pisses me off. That did. It fucked you up. Yeah, because he went to go see Adam backstage, and now when Adam's killing, I look at them as if they're all Josh Holm.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Don't laugh at that. You're Queens of the Stone Age. Don't laugh at that. Them crooked vultures, remember? Them crooked vultures, baby. Yeah, baby.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I see you with basketball stars now. Basketball stars? Yeah. Who? I saw you on the court with some very large African-American people.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Okay. So he plays for the Knicks. Well, you're in Boston. That's right. The Boston. Oh, no, no, no, no. The Celtics. That's right. The Celtics. Okay. Right. Celtics. Right. And is Jamal Byrd. I'm not kidding.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Because I know there was Larry Bird. There was Larry Bird. Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
There's Jamal. Jamal, Jay Bird, Charles. There he is. I miss him. Yeah. Jalen. So who is that? You're on the court. Jalen Brown. You're on the court. Yeah. And what does that feel like?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
In our careers. And Carlos knows this. If I wanted to go to the Celtics game.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
What Morgan Freeman are you talking about? The fucking eyes, the blind, the magic movie you did in fucking Hungary.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Because I'm trumping you, dog. All right. So what I'm saying is. You don't have an email. If I wanted to go to the Celtics game, I would get last row. You know what I mean? This is such a bullshit. It is. It's true. I can't. I've never been on the court. You don't go to basketball. Even if the fucking stadium was. Even if the stadium was empty on a Monday morning. I wouldn't be able to get on.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
If you like basketball, they would do the same for you. I'll never see Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift in any situation. You don't like football. I'm just saying, and you're just, you know what I mean? All I'm saying, who's the movie star here?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know what I'm like? I'm like, you know, Southwest industrial film.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
when you hit the button. I said, sorry, but I had to defend myself. I had to defend myself. He's sweating. Pete, get him your sweat rag.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Can I defend myself real quick? Yeah. All right, dude. I'm in. All right, you're in? You're 50% true. Yes. No, it's way more.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's way more. Okay, have I worked? In things, yes. Your whole life. I mean, you could just, it's obvious. IMDB means I've done things, okay? But what I'm saying is that there are certain other things like events or the circle of people that one hangs out with. Like when we're in Melbourne, right, and Dakota Fanning came in and all these people, these celebrities, they came for you.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, they did not. They came for us. They're fans of us. Had you met any of them before? My buddy Jake Lacey. Exactly. I've never even, there's no other situation where I'd be able to see him. Yeah, you would through me. You're in the presence of a movie star. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? No. So I don't get into your situation. Do I have a blessed life? Yes. And I've worked hard.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I just don't know how. You don't create relationships. My situations are me and Dave Attell in an alleyway smoking a cigarette. You romanticize this. Me and Ian Fidance at a spa.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
What are you talking about? When I got back from fucking Budapest, Jamie Lee Curtis, I'm like, you want to do something? And no return. That's what I'm saying.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Then maybe I'm picking the wrong battles. You're definitely picking the wrong battles.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Oh, come on. You know I'm kidding, right? No. The fans know. The fans don't know. Dude, the fans, you know. This podcast is a disaster. I'm sweating. I'm drowning. This is insane. Get him his sweat rack. This is crazy. I don't need a sweat rack. Get the fuck away from me. Get the fuck away from me. If you approach me, I'll fucking attack you. Get out of here. Good boy. We'll eat that, man. Anyway.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
So, all right, let's back up. So it's 50% true. Okay, so let's move forward. Let's move forward from it. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, yeah. It's wild. Thank you, Celtics organization, for letting him sit in your seats. It meant the world to me. It meant the world for him, right?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's just so good for your toe fungus. You put your feet in it? I have a concoction at home. You want to hear my concoction? It really works.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Sometimes. But the two mixtures that are... Why are you laughing, dude?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's just my left foot. I've always had a problem with my left foot.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Is that what it's about? Yeah, Bobby Lee Lewis is in My Left Foot, a new version. So My Left Foot, so I'll tell you what you do, okay? It's oregano oil and tea tree oil mixed. Swirl around. You swirl around. One to one. 50% 50, 50-50, yeah. So one to one. Yeah. And then you dunk your toe in there. And then let it sit? You sit there for like an hour. An hour? And you have to fucking angle it.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
So you're like watching an iPad movie, but your foot's like this and you're doing this.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I was on TikTok of anti-fungal machine. It doesn't work. Well, no shit. Yeah. I spent hundreds of dollars on this green machine. What are you? You stick your toes in there and the green light comes on. In an antifungal TikTok machine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that it? I don't know. I got it on TikTok. Nail fungus. And you stick your toes in there and a little glow happens.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's like a laser-y thing. You're lasering the fungus now? Yeah, and it's like nothing's happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another thing that doesn't work is when you're on TikTok, sleep gummies, that don't work. You try those? I buy every single one. What are they? CBD. Isn't that what it is? The sleep gummies? Some of them are like, oh, there's a... Fuck.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, I was getting a lot of like, guys. Oh yeah. I'm not done. I already know.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Oh, I fucking hate these videos. Right? And I'm like, who's Pepper? You have to ask the question. Who is Pepper? Right? And then they zoom down, right? And it's their fucking dog. It's their pet dog. Yeah, yeah. And we just put the injection in. Oh, God, dude. Right? And then everyone's crying. I'm like, you're sharing such an intimate moment. Yeah. I don't want to see that. No, please don't.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know what I look like there? Sicario. Sicario. A hit man. You do. Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. This is going to kill me. It's going to kill me, too. Please don't. Get out. Get out. Carlos. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Stop it. I hate those ones. What are the ones you hate? I'll be okay with a cat last day, but don't do a dog last day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dog last day is the worst.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
We're going to the planet Isurus. I swear to God. But please sit down. We have to take some tests. I don't like it. And I'm like, you know, my dick's in my hand, but I'm still zoned. It's great. I'm going to Isurus.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
So many things give me the ick, man. Um, I got a real specific one that's really stupid. You mean on TikTok videos? No, in general.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know what I mean? It's like, you've never had sushi. Yeah, you've never had real, right? Yeah. Real sushi. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I've told you this before, every time I play Charlie Goodnight's. In Charlotte? Yeah, there's Koreans that come, come with us. To where? To where? Korea, best in America. Well, it could be good. Right? No, I went. Bad. It's fucking terrible. It's like they don't know. You know what I mean? Well, okay, let's talk about restaurants.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Let's stop for a second. Push pause. Let me get the information right. Yeah. A man... Yeah. Did I get it right? You got that part. That's all I know. That's all I know. A man. No. So a man hired a hitman to kill his wife.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
pizzeria uh where did we go no i just was there this weekend yeah so i went to bianco oh pizza bianco and they gave us they're huge fans of ours by the way yeah they're great yeah and went to bianco and we're sitting there with great pizza right but it's like and they can and someone in phoenix could say you know what we have one of the best pizza sure and i'll go yes okay i agree i agree right but um
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Like a Jo Malone perfume. Jo Malone. God, I love the accent.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I'm in the presence of a president. Yes, you are. Ha ha ha!
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Nottingham. Nottingham Forest. Very proper. In the Premier League, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Oh, wow. Derby you haven't seen in the Premier League in a very long time. No. Insult. That's an insult. No, but she's a... Are you a Forest or a Derby?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
One for one. Because let's just say, if I was a guy. You are. I know, thank you. And I fucked a thousand women, right? I would have to pick, do you get to pick the women?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No. And let me ask you something before we get into this. And they framed it as a robbery. How much money would you spend? What? To kill your wife. How much money would I spend? Yeah. I wonder how much. Well, I don't want. I would want top level. Okay.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Oh, like in Dune. Yeah, it's like in Dune. Yeah, I get it.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Okay. The movie Dune. Yeah, there's a box. There's a box. That's like what you guys did at Christmas, right? At Christmas, yeah. So could I have applied?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's like that Guardian of the Galaxy ride at Disneyland. Yeah, it takes two hours to get on it. It takes forever to get there.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Nick! Nicotine pouches. We're only using Nick pouches now. It's our forever pouch with our favorite flavors. Mine is the citrus ice.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, I like sometimes at night I'll do like a smaller milligram, but during the day I go deep in.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I thought you were three. Yeah, we made the switch to nicotine pouches. We all know you'll love them too. Right now our listeners get 35% off when you order through our exclusive URL.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
That's so nice. Wow, what a gracious person. You're just a sweet, gracious person. You're like Mother Teresa in a different way.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You throw out things that don't make no sense, so I throw out things that don't make no sense to you.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Why can't I just say to another person that they're beautiful? What's the problem? Why'd you laugh at me?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Thank you. Also, make it more challenging. Mix up the letters because I can read it. That's cool. See, that would be cool. It's Texas. It doesn't fool me that it's upside down. Mix up the fucking letters, dude.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Are you super famous now in England or around the world, I mean?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Are you a hooligan or what? He knows a few English words. You're giving me a hooligan fucking vibe right here. Hello, mate. Got a problem? Fucking guy. What you looking at, dog? Dude, imagine how bad that guy would break you. I know, I know. That's why I have to put this forward. I know what you're doing. You're fighting the biggest guy in the jail cell. You'll kill me.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You'll destroy me, but you know what I mean? So you're security. He does security.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Let's turn this into a business. Can we charge for FastPass? Yeah. Yeah, but that way, like a guy like me, I can buy a FastPass, cut in line, buy another FastPass, so I'm constantly, you know what I mean? See you again. You know what I mean? What if you just fake it? Like if a guy in a wheel, is any disabled?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I'm not the IMDB. No, no, no, stop, stop. Don't even do that. It looks good. What are you doing? I'm just trying to celebrate my friend. Okay, I'm going to tell you something. You want me to expose you to the fucking truth? Okay. Go ahead. You want to be exposed to the truth, my friend. Yeah, go ahead. What is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I could play 14 Asians. Yeah, you can. You know what I mean? I can go, I don't know, right? I don't know, right?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know what I mean? I could mix it up, dude. Right? Take a mustache, put a mustache on, right? No. Ali Wong wig. You know what I mean? I could do all kinds of stuff, dude. What do you think? I believe it. Yeah, I'm Sandra Oh or whatever. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And sometimes we can do a theme like Vietnam. Yeah, right. We can have a little trail. A trail to your vagina, right? I could play as a Vietnamese like Viet Cong.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I would have a bushes there. You know what I mean? And do the sound, right? You know what I mean? And firecrackers. Yeah. So they can get into the PTSD of it, right? You know what I mean? Too. Everybody.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And then we'll get you Chinese eyes too. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. Well, on my person for tickets, it says Robert, but my Korean name is Sungwoo. Sungwoo? Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, wow. You play the dad, I play the mom. All right. Bonnie. So, Tia. Bonnie, sit down. We have to talk to you about something.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Excuse me. Our daughter's name is Tia. Oh, that's right. That's right. Tia. My bad. So, how's the cop been?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
That's great. See, my family are immigrants. They don't know what I, they've never really known what I do.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
They don't know, but they know that I make money and they know that it's, you know, I mean, that I have a skill set. Yeah. So they just kind of accept it and go, you know, he's happy, he's safe, he's making money, he takes care of us, but they don't essentially know really what it is, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Unless they, like, if I pop up on Squid Games or something, my mom would go, that he is, you know what I mean, or whatever, but like... But you're not on Squid Games, buddy. Yeah, I know, dude.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Dude, Thomas Spader is so good. He always plays the diner patron in every movie. Every. And he's so good. He never has a line, right? But when he's eating in the background, dude, you're like, oh, that guy's really eating.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I love it. Sorry, sir. Does LA feel different than England?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I haven't been there in years. I don't know. Is it gloomy? It's so different.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's a South African business, is it not? South Africa. Yeah. Anyway, let's move on. I think it is.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
What do you mean? Sorry, do we have a translator? Yeah, go ahead. I'll tell you.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, I'm nervous. You made him horny. I won't be able to get hard. It'll be just too much pressure. No, you could do it. Maybe I get Bluetooth. Maybe put some Bluetooth. Yeah, I want to get one of our sponsors to help us out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, I don't know. I don't even know what my character... Anyway, so you want me to expose the truth? Oh, yeah. Expose me the truth. Can't wait. Oh, see, when you're in this kind of mood, dude, see this.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
They don't offer you shit because they know you're going to say no. Buddy, buddy, buddy. They know you're going to say no because you know what you need? Buddy. Mucho dinero, por favor. Buddy. That's what you want. Buddy. Dinero, por favor. That's you, guy. Buddy. I go $2. I'll get it. Buddy. I'll do it for $2. This guy, oh, you got to go to UTA, then to my lawyer, and then to this guy.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I'm in the presence of a superstar. Movie star. I'm a little movie star, but this guy's a superstar, Brett. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Andrew Santino. They're in the same level. George Clooney.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And that's why they're laughing, guy. Buddy. Because you know you're fucking wrong. Buddy. Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Okay. That's what I'm saying. And now you're spitting it back at me like, why did you take the role?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I was hanging out with people, man. No, I didn't see her. When I go to Phoenix to do shows, she doesn't know I'm in town. Why would you do that? Because I have to get in the car and drive all the way to the desert and come back. I don't want to do it. Phoenix is the desert. I know. I'm saying there's more desert, though. It's just in more desert. I know. I know where your mom lives.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's 30 minutes away from where you work. I know, but deserts with less buildings. What does that have to do? When I'm in a desert, I need more buildings. It's your mom. I understand, dude. She doesn't know I'm in town. If she knew I was in town, I would go visit her.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Cry later. Big check. That's right. That's a really good one. That's an old Chinese proverb. That's a really good one.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. I have a proverb. What is it? Two white couple in suburb in Chicago, right? Sometimes they die in fire.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, no, I just mean- I think we're doing this. Let's not do this right now. All right. All right. It feels like we're doing this, right? And I don't want anything bad to happen to you. One, two, three. I'm in the presence of a movie star. Okay. Let's get back into love because you and I have some friction sometimes. How about let's do some love?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Continue to do it. Yeah. Because it's been. Sometimes we have to pivot.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. You know what's so funny? I was going to say Jeremy pivot.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. I saw Ian Fidance's penis last night. God bless. And it's what I thought it was going to look like. Can I guess?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It looks like. Okay, is it curved? It's something you get at Starbucks.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
The head is like a purpley, orangey color with sprinkles on it. Yeah. And the stem looks like a stick. Well, wait a minute.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, there's bisexuality. They have to put it on there. There's bisexuality on there.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, butthole. Men and women. You know what I mean? So you have different varieties of chocolate.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, no, we went to the spa. Oh, yeah. So we're in the spa and we're in the steam room and he looked at my penis and he goes, and he kind of almost died laughing. Why? He goes, it's so cute. And he started laughing.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, he didn't say it was small. Oh, he just liked it. My dick is cute. Minion. Minion. You've seen it. I have? It's the best, dude. If it were to make a noise, that's the noise. What does it do when it sees a woman? Oh.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Like that. Like that. Like that. Like that, dude. And it's like, he's so happy. And I can get hard now just talking to people on the phone. No. It's a miracle. Me? Do you ever do that?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, no, no, no, no. I know it's you, dude. I'm going to do it.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
But if there was like a Hollywood president of Jews, Adam would be it. Sandler's the best. Yeah, he's the best.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Remember I was with that sexy lady and we walked by. I told you that.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And Sandler was there with his mom. And he looked at my girl and goes, funny guy. And that's, you know what he's doing? Yeah. A lot. And that's something.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And I don't even have to say it because you know what I'm saying.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You've never given me an alley-oop, Carlos. Bro, he's not even in the game. I know, that's why. He's got to learn how to play the game first. Yeah, get on the team. Get on the team and then maybe you can throw me an alley-oop.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know him? Yeah, why do you know him? Yeah, I don't know if we can... Yeah, yeah, that's what it is.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, I was with Ian Fidance at... Fred 62's. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's still open? Yeah, they closed at 1.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
They did, yeah. But it's a cute little, it's so many hips as well.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, I haven't seen that open. It is? But Fred 62's is all these like, oh. Oh, dude. Hash brown. What do you mean?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's still like cool though. No, it's not. It hasn't been cool in a decade. Yeah, tattooed Mexicans. You love them.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I know, exactly. That's why you like to go there. I won't leave home without them. They're my American Express. Right, but I haven't been to fucking French 62s in like years. I'm a Norm's, Mel's kind of a guy. Mel sucks. I know, but that's what, and look at that.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Slovakian. Slovakian. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Just the eyebrows. And then what about Cookie Monster?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Yeah. Armenian for sure. He drives a white Mercedes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about Grover down in the left-hand corner?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
What is... Well, no, what's his race? Race, I mean, yeah. What is Grover's race, we think? I would imagine... Spanish. Fancy.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Go back to the original picture. Yeah. This is the most interesting one that I want your advice on because I know you're intelligent and the way that you operate is so astute. You can always call it out. I want to see the picture of the crew.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Who is? Well, he's not even in this. I was going to say, Big Bird. What is Big Bird? Big Bird? What is Big Bird? Big Bird's a bird. No, dude. What race is Big Bird? I think he might be black. Or is it a guy, Big Bird? Yeah, yeah. Who knows, right? They kind of keep it... Okay, oh, what about... Grover. We did Grover.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Oh, oh, the dog is... What is his name, dude? Yeah, right there. Ralph.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Oh, look at this. This is great news. Sesame Street welcomes TJ, the first Filipino-American Muppet. Finally. Finally, dude. Dude, finally. Finally, dude. Yeah. What do the comments say? Anything rude?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Elmo Chinese? Am I Chinese? Who me? I'm Chinese. I'm Chinese. Yeah, look, I can tell you what everybody is just based on it. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Ernie is 100% he's Puerto Rican. Ernie is obviously Puerto Rican. Oh, yeah, Ernie. He's Puerto Rican.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
That poor guy. He thinks I have an accent. Well, he does. He thinks I do. That's how I always talk to him. Where is he from? China. Oh, he's off the boat. Yeah, he's off the boat, yeah. Was he on the show? He thinks I'm from off the boat too.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
He comes over, yeah. Yeah, he comes over. I'm in the presence of a movie star. I'm in the presence of a superstar. Why do you keep singing this? Because I did two lines in Theo Vaughn's movie. I'm in the presence of a movie star. Yeah? Dude. Dude. Who'd you work for? Morgan Freeman this week. Morgan Freeman. Right? He does. I do one Theo Vaughn. I'm movie star.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
What Morgan Freeman are you talking about? The fucking eyes, the blood, the magic movie you did in fucking Hungary.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
You know what I look like there? Sicario. Sicario. A hit man. You do. Yeah.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
Let's stop for a second. Push pause. Let me get the information right.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
That's all I know. A man. No. So a man hired a hitman to kill his wife. Apparently a group, right?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
No. And let me ask you something before we get into this. And they framed it as a robbery. How much money would you spend? What? To kill your wife. How much money would I spend? Yeah. I wonder how much. Well, I don't want.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
You throw out things that don't make no sense, so I throw out things that don't make no sense to you.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
Movie star. I'm a little movie star, but this guy's a superstar, Brat. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Andrew Santino. They're in the same level. George Clooney.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Let me tell you something. You texted me today and you said, are you mad at me? Never.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Well, as soon as, here's what really happened. Tell me the science behind it. As soon as she left this show and you and Kalilah broke up and she started to get away from our show.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
That's when she was like, I don't need to talk to Tito Angelo ever again.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
And that's okay. Did I show you nothing but love for four years?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Rudy Giuliani is back in the studio. He's back in the studio. Are you happy to be back?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Who of the people here are you happiest to see? Let's go in order. Happiest to least happy to see. Go ahead.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Love that. And Bobby's separate. You're separate. It doesn't count because she sees you all the time. She sees you all the time.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
You piss, you squat on his chest.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Right, very bright. That is a bright star.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Do you miss me? I miss you, but you're going over to Tiger Bell. You're doing that all the time and you're really breaking my heart a little bit.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
We gave you your start. Nothing. She dropped us, dude. Well, you know what we are? We are the guy that she dated before she got famous. Exactly. And she drops us. No, she got famous. You know, the first guy that you date.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
And you know what? I've never been mad at you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
I disagree with the first part.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
How are you dissecting earthworms? Those are so small. You're using the tiniest little knife?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
I know. You did your time. But his Asian wife, 65, right? And dog died. And two dogs survived. Who were the survivors? Let me see the survivor dogs. Yeah, survivor dogs, man. Yeah, yeah. There they are. There's some of the dogs. Those are German Shepherds. German Shepherds.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
They were very good in the Holocaust. They were good, dude. And their work is not credited. Right? It was not credited. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also the dogs in the Deep South, they don't really get credited for chasing things down. Yeah, they were quick. They really chased things down quickly.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Exactly. Skinny ankles. How do you think they got that? Through evolution. My point is this.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
It was the same day because Gene had been dead a day when they found him.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Now, when I say the name, when I say the name, I love this person.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Yeah, and I don't want it to happen to this person. Right. Right? It's not a wish. What? It's not a wish. It's not a wish, no. It's not a wish? It's a prediction. If it's not a wish, I need to change my answer then.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
You guys, I would not be standing here right now or sitting here without it. My body does not move without energy shots. You know what I mean? Because I'm a sloth. Right. And I don't move to the rhythms of the universe.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Oh, you had a wish? Well, I had a- I know who's yours are going to be. Yeah, I had a couple of wishes. Yeah, yeah. I don't want it to happen to this person. How famous is yours? Pretty famous. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Mine had some Netflix specials. Ah. Yeah. I hope we're on the same page here. I think we're on the exact same page. Yeah.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
I love these shots, man. Sometimes I'm super tired and I've got to perform in front of thousands and thousands and thousands of people. I get a shot of energy.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
Hello. Hello. Hello, mate. My. Binge on toast. We're coming to London, England, and Dublin, Ireland. Right. London, England, Dublin, Ireland.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
It was $9. Yeah. So, Benny, the reason why, because a girl told me I was fat, and she was not attracted to me when we were making out, and I had to lose the weight.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
Okay. And you're a musician, so I'm just trying to be cool, dude.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
I know what Benny's saying. What are you saying, like a lav mic or something? Or like maybe a mic here? Yeah, maybe just something simple. Benny, what's it like having a super famous fiance? Very good question. Can you go to, wait, wait, wait, can you go to a mall? Can you go to the Beverly Center with her? No. You never, try. No, like. Let's try. Well, you don't go to the bathroom.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
I do. I have powers too, dude. Okay. Okay. I don't have Selena Gomez power, but I buy my own power, dude.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
No, dude. Put it on. A part of him. No, I think it looks exactly.