Bobby Lee
Appearances
Bad Friends
Rat Island
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Bad Friends
Rat Island
No, no, no. All right. Let that sink in. I don't want it to. Yeah, it's already. Just clean it off. Once you get HIV, you have it. Not anymore, dude. I know, but I haven't taken the cocktail yet. Well, please do. Yeah, so I just took some of HIV.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
No, listen, if this is gonna be about the truth and if we're putting it on the table, let's just do it. Let's not like, you know, let's be cowboys.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Are you dazed? Yes. Or confused? Both? Both. Yeah. It was a great movie. Yeah, it was a great movie.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
So I just heard your truth. And you know what? Nice, fancy, way to go. So anyway, wow, what a great trip.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I didn't want to do so double soap it is too much like you get extra clean yeah what does that even fucking mean I didn't want to do two soaps but it's not your body it's your breath that's what they meant you can't wash that in the shower you can't wash you know can we discuss can we discuss that for a second okay there was no discussion there's not anything that smells particularly like that
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why prostitutes don't kiss, yeah. Do you kiss them?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You go, that's a mixture of poo, pee, generations of it, right? Whatever, right? When you're in Skid Row, right? You kind of know what those smells are, you know what I mean? People that are BO, dirty, you know what I mean? Yeah. Et cetera, et cetera. I get that.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
With his is a particular kind of skank. Pretty interesting. Yeah, stench. That you don't know quite what it is. Right, what is it? It's like there's salami, right? But then there's also dirt. But then there's also like, you know what I mean? Like, you know... Vomit. Vomit. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But it's like, also, here's another thing that you can do, which is, I think, an X-Men power. You can project it from across the room. Whoa, that is like a power if you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I... I can literally walk in a room and go, oh, Carlos is here before even I see you. Whoa. I'll be real. I'll go, oh, Carlos. I don't even have to look. You're just there. Does it leave a trail or something?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
oh my god what are we going what was no no don't do that don't do that yeah yeah why i'm still alive though okay when's the last time you saw a doctor i'll see my dad in a couple days and i'll see what's up wait oh so your dad is your doctor oh yeah i just text him and then you call him doctor dad doctor dad on nbc wait a minute do you what does he ever run blood work on you
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the blood is like, mm-mm. Even like when, like sometimes I'll say, get me mints.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm trying not to be rude. Right? It's a message. He doesn't get it. Yeah, get me gum, mints, right? And get me, you know what I mean? Toothpaste. Mouthwash, everything, right? It's not for me. I don't use it. It's for you. Okay.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We're getting it. We're getting it. Yeah, we're going to be doing that quite frequently on this podcast.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
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Rat Island
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Rat Island
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Bad Friends
Rat Island
I think you've influenced them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's basically baby know-it-all.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Good boy. He's learning. Yeah. Good boy. You're actually coming... But my kind of know-it-all, Carlos, is you, right? What up, man? Yeah, what's up, bro? What's up? There's a few things he doesn't know.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You know what it is, dude? You're such a know-it-all. He does. He knows everything. He knows everything. It drives me crazy. Why'd you ask me then?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
What am I doing? What? Who was that? You're a dentist? No, no. It's worse. Every woman that makes my life... Okay.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Bro. Bro, dude. That's the problem. That is. Yeah, yeah. I think we found it. Yeah, we found the problem. You're brushing your teeth with Sprite?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Just do it with Pop Rocks. Those fits do, dog. Do you smell? I mean, is there other smells in your body that you're not aware or privy to?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I do also have to say that the shows versus the shows we did in America a couple years ago were way tighter.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
She squirted breast milk and it's sour. It doesn't taste like oat milk or. Right.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And can I say something too? Probably one of the best breasts I've ever seen. Gorgeous. You saw them, right?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm like, God, you're fucking... I love... And Dakota? Dakota, oh my God. She's the shit. She's so not what you think.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But you see a lot of young actors, because I know a lot, that they play by the Hollywood rules so they don't want to say the wrong thing or they're just very in the middle about things. Political. Political. Yeah. She seemed to be, she reminded me more of a comic. She floats her own way. She's like cool. Doesn't give a fuck. She loved the show. Yeah. The show was wild.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I went Monday. Yeah, not tonight. And tonight. No, not tonight. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah, yeah. So what time have you been sleeping?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I mean, just a little thing. What is it? I did go up to him before the show and I go, make sure you get me coming out.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right. I do have to say my relationship with McCone got better on the trip. Mm-hmm.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
let's talk about the best hotels you think we stayed at I think the coolest one we stayed at was the W the W was good in Brisbane yeah that hotel was wildly dope but also my second was the Ritz Carlton the last night of yeah Was it Perth? What night? Perth.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Oh, the crown. The crown, I mean, yeah. Oh, the crown, yeah. But we had Nobu that night. Incredible. Incredible.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Oh, my God. You're going to drive me crazy with that pattern. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah. Here's another Memphis, Tennessee. Just a tank. Yeah. But it wasn't. That show was incredible.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Since this is The Honest Show. Yeah. When you get low, you get low. When I get low. That's what I said.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right? And there's always like a 12-hour period where it's like we just know not to. But what happens to your mind there?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Everyone that's listening, this is what he does. This is what he does, okay? Yeah. Because he's Mr. Know-It-All, okay? That's my new name. Yeah, Mr. Know-It-All.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
It's scary. Yeah. I get really, I feel so bad for you. Well, thank you. No, I'm being real. I'm always like going, oh my God. I mean, I can't imagine.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We try to get you out of it, but then we don't even, we don't say anything. I don't think I said anything to you that day. No, you didn't. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And so Mr. Know-It-All, he obviously, we do a group meeting. We do. when he has his little TED Talks, right? He goes, this is what we need to do.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
So he says, from Perth to Australia, right? Don't sleep at all. We were in the airport. Perth to Sydney. Sorry. Okay. That's another know-it-all thing you just said. I'm going to let it go.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, like the good old days. There's a resentment. Your behavior, there is. There is something there. There has to be something there.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I know, but the problem with the Australia trip is that there was just too much traveling. I mean, what I would want is to be in Sydney for two or three extra days, two days, so we can travel around. I know we lose money that way.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Dude, I'm Mr. Know-It-All. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Know-It-All. That's my gig. All right, so from Perth to Sydney, don't sleep it up, which is like a four and a half hour flight. Four hours, yeah. What did I do? Slept the whole time. The whole time. I stayed awake the whole time. Because when he says something to do, I go the opposite. Smart. I'm Know-It-All's nemesis. Wait a minute.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You mean London. So when we go to London. No, when we go to London, I don't want to be like flying in and flying out. I want to spend two or three days. I want to go to the Emirates and look at the Arsenal.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We go there? Yeah, yeah. Can I say something about you? Yeah. She saw the Champions League game. Did you see it or the highlight?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And so I know. What do you mean? Same thing. I would love to bond with you. I know. I love it. So let me ask you something about our bond, right? Yeah. Do you love the team?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, so here's what happened, okay? We were going to go and then you go, I don't want to have lunch.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But then you were mad that we had lunch without you. Because you went to a fucking five-star restaurant.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We looked and looked and looked, and then we found this place, and then- Oh, we stumbled into a Michelin restaurant? No, literally we did. We walked by it- Cause there's no sign.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
It was like stumbled into a Michelin restaurant. Yeah. So then I go, no, we Googled it. There it is. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
So there was a, so we walked by and then, and then, and you go, I don't think we it's here. I think it's gone. Yeah. I go, I think, you know that fancy door that's got stairs going down?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, and she checked. It was the restaurant. Yeah, gold flag. And you had to ring a doorbell.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right? Then we got buzzed in. Yep. Walked down the stairs and it was probably one of the best meals we had, I think, there.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
yeah and then so we educate her and she memorized a bunch of things and now you can wear the jacket I think I think you can wear the jacket I really like them because it's like I get super into certain shows like Mr. Robot wait wait why are you guys laughing no it's cute why because it's sweet there's something else look at Carlos I don't I just thought it was nice
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Whoa, whoa, whoa. That sounded... What? The reason why I like soccer is because... When you do score, it's just that much more potent.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Well, can I say something to you? Have I not been showing up to places? No, you do. Lately, I've been being very mindful about going to different places.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
If you're going to be anal, then no. I am, I'm sure. Well, I'm gonna be a mess.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
There's another thing that I've noticed is at this comedy store, people have been like, I had a waitress come up to me and go, have you been working out? I go, no. Why are you laughing? I'm saying the Ozempic is working. And then Steph Tolove goes, oh, I see it now.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
What are you doing? See, that's what I'm saying. He wants me to overdose on Ozempic. No, don't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants me to die.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Well, last night I went to Shabu Shabu. It was my first meal. Of the day. Of the day. And then after the store, Andrea Jin goes, let's go have dinner. I'm like, I already ate. And she's like, just go. So I went to... Soon and Dang. Right? And they had a couple of dumplings. That's nothing. And then I went to, dude, I've been going to Wii Spa every day. It's been great.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
In fact, last night at Wii Spa, it's so interesting. I'm in the fucking dry sauna, completely naked. And I sit like this. That's how you're supposed to sit. You know what I mean? I just got to sit like this. I lean like this. And there's a lot of black guys in there, which I love. I go, what's up, bro? I go, what's up, man? You got to show off. Yeah, and I do this.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm not afraid of my little guy, right? There's two white dudes sitting there, and I'm looking at them like this. I was looking at them like this, and they were like, what are you looking at, man? You guys. Yeah, I'm looking right at you. Yeah, yeah, and they go, oh. And I go, what do you guys do? I go, we're actors. We just moved here from, I forgot where.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You know, I got there, and we talked a little bit about, it's dry, you know what I mean? And then later when I'm done, they come up to me and they go, you're Bobby Lee, I can't believe it. I go, why didn't you say that in the dry song? Yeah, why'd you say that?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But it's like, you can just say, you're Bobby Lee, right? What's the problem here?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
no so we suppose it see that's see what see that photo right there they give you clothes and so there's a like a you know a co-ed area of the spa but there's no nudity there's no nudity where there's like a clay room a salt room and then we're fully clothed with other people right and you steam out there and do your thing there you can meditate you can there's yoga there's a women's department too right anyway the controversy was if you go to we spa there's kids sure
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Running around. You know, there's like a lot of like, in my section, little boys running around.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah. Even late at night, you'll see like a Korean kick on. You know what I mean? Right, and you're trying to like, you know, maybe be cool, you know, but you know what I mean? Yeah. You gotta be cool. Gotta be cool, man. So a couple years ago, a man, a woman, a trans woman, right, who hasn't had the procedure. Sure. Went to the women's department. Uh-huh. And there's little girls there.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right. I think that's what happened, right, Reed? It's right here. Yeah, and then- There was protests because they kicked the guy out, the girl out.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, do it again, dude. Ready? Yeah, yeah. Well, this is out. This is stopped. I had my eyes closed. No, okay. Because I couldn't breathe. You're the guy in choir. I really liked it. Keeps going. I really liked it. Let's do it one more time. Ready? Right, but I want to keep your eyes with it. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh. Dude, we're like a barbershop quartet. That was incredible.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And they're like, you know, it's just a different culture. And it was just like, what else are they going to do?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm talking about five, six-year-old kids running around. Right. And it's just a part of Korean culture to bring your kids to a spa. It's like, you know. Yeah. And I would do it if I was a father. And I don't know. I just think that it's inappropriate.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And here's another thing that I did. A long time ago, you and I went bowling.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But then when we went to Sonny's birthday party, right, Charles Melton taught me exactly what you taught me, but I listened to what he said.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. Right? And I started bowling correctly, right? And I looked at you, and I think you were a little upset by it.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But do you think that if you had a time machine and you went back where cavemen were, right? And you were wearing modern clothes, they would freak out? They probably, well, they'd kill you on sight. Like I'm wearing a FUBU tracksuit. You don't own that, do you? I know, but I would buy one. Like a full FUBU tracksuit. Yeah, they might like it. A fedora.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Do you think they'd be like... They'd kill you on sight. Oh, they would? Well, because you'd look like a future person.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. If we show up, me, Donnell. Yeah, yeah. You. Who else? Me. Doc. Me, you, Doc, Donnell. Yeah, Donnell. And just with full-blown identical tracksuits. Fubu tracksuits? Fubu tracksuits.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, you know, if he teaches me something, I refuse to listen. But if it's like anybody else, right, with the same knowledge, because he has all, he's Mr. Know-it-all, right? Mr. Know-it-all. But I don't know why that is. Why is that, you think?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Like that one movie, is it Alive or? Alive, yeah, the soccer team. The soccer team, yeah. Would you do it? I don't know what, I presume I would because I don't know what extreme hunger is like.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I hadn't ridden a bike since I was in high school and we rode a bike in fucking Australia.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
They're so cute. Rice, they're so cute. They're so fucking cute. Edible, by the way. They look very edible. Yeah. They look like porgs.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Little Andreses. So here's the situation here, guy, my friend. I'll tell you how the quokkas came into my... I told you, right?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Jim Jefferies. Right. Months ago, pulled me aside, mate, you gotta see the quokkas. Yeah. He told me the island and everything, right? So I've been thinking and dreaming about quokkas a long time. I get that. Yeah. And then when we got there, some fucking bloke, some Australian bloke, says to me, mate, you know why they call it Rottnest Island? I go, why?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And he goes, because the first guy that went there, right, thought they were rats. So in my mind, I'm like, oh, they're not as... Because what we see, I thought they were going to be real small like rats. Me too, yeah. Right? But then when I saw... That's me. Look at that. You've taken a photo with one so beautifully.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, the little joey's coming out of the stomach. Dude, that was like magical. In love. In love with that.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, that was the last second. We were about to board the boat to go home. Well, because I don't... You know, when people go crazy over celebrities...
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go less crazy. I take a step back and I go, you know, I'm better than that, right? So there was a lot of quokka fawning. A lot of fawning. Yeah, right. So I'm like, no, you know what? I'm really cool about this. But after like two or three hours, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? It's a fucking quokka. Take a photo.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, but I closed except for the one. Except for one what? One of the shows. You didn't close, what do you mean? Let me finish. He knows what I'm talking about.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
What did I do? I wasn't there, but I get the picture. You'll get the picture, right? So there's one show where he goes, you know what, Bob? I'm going to close this particular one. I'm like, wow, I thought I was going to close all of them. Right? And then it was the show that it was Dakota Fanning, Sarah Smooch. Smooch? Bridie and Slim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smooch. Right? Sure. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Now what I'm saying is that, so the one show that your celebrity friends are coming, you're like, I want to close because I want to make it seem.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. That's my partner, Brian. I love what you're doing. I love what you're doing right now. Dude, these are their words. Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't think... They go, I don't like him as a stand-up or as a podcaster.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
It was just an observation. I don't know if it's the truth. But I'm giving you the truth. It could have been one show where you're like... Here's the deal. It could have been one show. It was like, you know what? I just feel like closing out the second show.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
That was great. Well, welcome back. Welcome back, Carter. And let me say something. That's when you said, don't say welcome back again because I think of welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, yeah. Number one, I want to say we got back from Australia. And my sleep schedule is so wickily. Yesterday I woke up at five. Today I woke up at three. You know what I mean? Carlos looks confused and dazed.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
All right. What I'm saying is, is that. So your beef is not with me, pal. It's with the rat. All right. We call that rat. Rat island.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Let me say. All right. First of all, right. You rat fuckers, dude. Yeah, you both do, you rat fuckers. And number two, right? Don't hide now, pal. Don't hide. I'm going to say something to you, okay? You're one of the best comics on... First of all, cut it out. Let me finish. Stop, cut it out. He's one of the best comics on planet Earth, okay? No. Listen, right?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We're playing in front of thousands of people, right? Do you know how hard it is? I'm blocking your face. Do you know how hard it is to follow this guy in any environment? He says this every time. We say the same thing about you. Okay. So my point is, is that, you know what I mean? I'm sorry that I, at times, don't want to work that hard. No. Okay? I'm sorry. I don't want to work that hard.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Now you two rats, right? Time out. Real fast. Real fast. The truth is out there and I love the truth.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I just said, listen to me. I just admitted that I do complain. And now, that was some fucking Jedi shit, dude. That was on co-op.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Now you're seeing it as an adult. So let me just go to the committee, okay? So McCone, all right? Now I have to burp. Yeah, McCone, look at me. Why do you think he wanted to go second? Just in your opinion. You know what I mean? Your opinion that only the second show on Melbourne...