Bobby Lee
Appearances
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Big time. Some of it is watching codependency, what it looks like for them and realizing, Right. I did that. I still do that. Seeing that and then having a kid that is really different than you. That's also a big one. Like if they're an island, you're a wave kind of thing.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
But deeper than the kid thing, if you're getting older and you're doing any work on yourself, there just becomes like an end of act two moment.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
It's so embarrassing. Like all these, I always, I never, I'm this kind of person. Yeah. It's so gross because it's not really true or even really true anymore.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Maybe it's just an old story. And then you got to start practicing your backhand, basically. What is your backhand thing that you can do? You just don't do it as much or as often. Do you want to practice that in act three? But it's so funny you say that. On my way here, I was thinking... What version of myself will show up in this interview? Oh.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
I wanted to be the authentic version, but I was nervous because I could bring a different version if I wanted to.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Yes, I'm in group therapy and individual. Oh my goodness. And guess what's coming back? Couples therapy. Guess what, motherfucker?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
So, you know, I'm so obsessed with couples therapy that I do a fake podcast where I play a couples therapist named Dr. Sheila. Question mark. The question mark. Thank you, Dex, due to legal reasons. And I'm obsessed. And you are too. Why do you think we are? Why are we obsessed with couples therapy? Well, I'm obsessed with all of it. I love Orn. I love anyone that does a good job at anything.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Her hair and her ability to just look and not talk is...
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
And then also I'm obsessed with why is she doing it? Oh, we get into that one.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Can't wait to hear. Then the couples. I'm like, thank you for your service. Truly. And not in a million years, babers. For me? No way.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
I'm working on, this is going to sound so cheesy, this connection, but this is why I'm like, I'm going to do TikTok this year because I know this is cheesy.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
But the connection really, it's bigger than that, which is how do you allow yourself to be seen? You have to allow yourself to be seen or known. Sometimes as I get older, I realize, Am I truly known? It's like a deep ache. You want to be known? So it's kind of like how much do you give away? Who can you do it with and to? You want to be known. You don't want to feel lonely. Yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
It's more that I feel sad for the parts of me that didn't allow myself to be out there and be known, which is why couples therapy is so fascinating to me. It's like this combination of, and therapy in general, being tender and being known and then also setting good boundaries and taking care of yourself. It's deep stuff. I just love it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Du weißt, wo ich bin. Du bist im Kühlraum. Nein, ich bin auf dem Boot, aber ich bin auf der Strongman-Route. Wo ich nicht viel tun muss. Ich stelle nur meine Hand auf das Ding. Goal! Goal! Goal! Goal! Und ich gehe einfach so. Du hältst Zeit. Ja, ja, ja. Ich verstehe das.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Das ist der Drum. Das ist nicht Fury Road. Okay. Weißt du, was ich meine? Wo ich... Fuck you and Fury Road.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
It wasn't being aggressive, dude. It was just an observation. I'm so sorry that maybe I do come across that way.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
What's up? What's up, man? What's going on? Thanks for doing it. Oh, I'm so happy to hear it. I'm a big fan. Really? Yeah. I just made a little observation if you want to hear it. I would love to hear it. Yeah, yeah. It's just everything comes from a negative lens with you sometimes, you know? Really? Yeah, a little bit. But, you know, you do you. You do you, I'll be me.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Der Junge aus der Garage. Richtig, das ist er. Ich nenne es den Junge aus der Garage.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
And it's really good to see you, man. I like what you're doing out there.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
No, it's like, you know, because last night you were, you know, no offense, you know, I love you. But what, no, I'm talking. Hey, man. See, that's what it is. I think it's him. Did you see that? No, Ander, please back me up. Okay, okay. Be real. Can I ask a question first? No. Make a comment about my observation just now. He is excited to be here. So nervous.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
I think I know what it is. What is it? It's the four-finger point.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Du sagst, kann ich dir was mit vier sagen? Das ist gut.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Oh, you're doing great. I like your shit online. You fuck a lot on the road.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Go back up, back up for a second. I gotta be you real quick. Get those eyes open.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Oh, man. The sheer disrespect. I do a lot of autotune. That's why...
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Oh, ja, mach es wieder. Ich habe noch eine Liste. Ich will... Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Das klingt... Nein, weil Leute über meine Begegnungen mit ihnen überlegen. Ich meine es wirklich. Denkst du, du bist Bill Murray oder so?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ist es nicht Bill Murray, der das macht? Nein, was ich sage, ist, dass die Leute sagen, ich habe Bobby Lee getroffen, er hat das gemacht. Ich habe das nie gemacht. Ja. Ich meine, es ist so, ich weiß nicht. Ich erinnere mich nicht daran. Das ist so, wie ich es erinnere. Ich erinnere mich wahrscheinlich anders.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Und das ist das Ding mit Storytelling. Das ist das Ding mit, weißt du, hast du den Film Rashomon gesehen? Ja, Rashomon. Weißt du, was ich meine? Ist das Rashomon, wo es so ist? Es sind drei Leute, die die Geschichte einer Sache erzählen, aus ihren verschiedenen Sichtpunkten. Also in diesem Rauschenmann-Kontext, mein Sichtpunkt ist das folgende. Ich habe dich in Abbot Kinney gesehen.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Und ich sage, oh, er ist cool. Und ich sage, wie geht die Komödie? So erinnere ich mich. Und dann in der Impro, das ist so, wie ich es sehe, sage ich, oh, ich liebe deine Sachen online. Du sagst, ja, ja, ja. Und dann sagst du, du hast gesagt, ich kriege viele Mädchen. Und ich sage, oh, das ist cool, weil das passiert, wenn du aufstehst. Das ist mein Ansatz. Das ist, wie du es gedacht hast?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Das ist, wie ich es in meinem Ansatz gesehen habe.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Last night I'm at the comedy store and I see this sickly guy. Not sickly. Handsome. Skinny. You're not talented. You mean in shape? Das ist das, was ich erwähnte. Ja, wie ein in Former. Du hast recht, du hast recht. Okay.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Interesting, because Andrew doesn't do backyards.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ich kann nicht sehen, dass du nach Venice gehen kannst. Das war ein langer Zeit.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Oh Gott. Oh Gott. Oh Gott. Oh Gott. Oh Gott. Oh Gott. Oh Gott. Oh Gott. Oh Gott.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
But he loves the Ponca. You know, it's so fun. Because, here's what's fun about life. I just can't believe it. What can't you believe? I mean, it's just like, lie. You'll never meet the guy. Lie, lie.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Wir machen das. Wir machen das. Wir machen das. Wir machen das. Wir machen das. Wir machen das. Wir machen das. Wir machen das. Wir machen das. Wir machen das. Wir machen das.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
That's it. You know what, dude? I'm sorry, bro. It just came out. I know, dude. I apologize. When you said that, it rang true with me. Du weißt, es ging mit mir wahr. Ich wollte nichts sagen. Ich wollte das früher sehen. Ja. Schade. Oder es könnte der Vietnam War und Agent Orange sein. Ich weiß es nicht. Das könnte es sein. Interessant. Du bringst es zurück. Asian Shit. Ich verstehe es.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Sehr interessant. Du hast das gemacht. Ja, das ist unglaublich. Ja. Vielleicht ist es Covid. What's next?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
We heard it the whole trip. Jeremiah Watkins last night called me fatty. He goes, what's up, fatty? And I could not believe it. Yeah, but he's like paper. He's like a wispy thin guy.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Wenn es ein Feierabend ist, werde ich lachen. Einmal war mein Bruder an einem Feierabend und wir haben einen Knall gehört. Und ich habe gesagt, guck, Auntie Han will raus. Und dann hat mein Bruder angefangen zu lachen. Unkontrollierbar. Ja. Also es ist einfach in einer unbedeutenden Situation. I'm waken back at him, he's waken at me.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Yeah, I love you, dude. Dude, you and I, we should have been pals long ago. Let's play some Fortnite together. Or Call of Duty or something. Yeah, yeah, Warzone or something.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Right in the middle of Hamas. Yeah, right in the middle.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
You know what's fun? Get a couple of pieces of paper. We're going to write some lines. He's going to sing them. Yeah, McCone gets some paper. If it's too much, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Kann ich dir eine Frage stellen? Wenn du auf deinem Show bist und die Leute nicht singen, weißt du, manchmal... Ja, ich werde überrascht. Es ist für mich überraschend, wenn ich es sehe. Ja. Gib es zumindest ein bisschen. Aber ich sage dir was.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Till Coney and Dr. Phil got to his head. Anyway, so last night this guy comes up to me. Yeah. Morgan J. Is it J. Morgan or what? What happened?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Did you write the dwarf cowboy? No, he added that. Mine was the farting. Which I ended it there, but then he added the dwarf stuff. Then you also added more of the Ching Chong Ping Pong.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ich bin alte Freunde, ja. Es wird wert. Ist er noch wütend an dir? Wir werden es herausfinden.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Yo, Alter, was ist los? Es ist so verrückt, Alter. Ich bin in den fucking Morgan J. gegangen. Und er war so, yo, du, der verdammte Arschloch hat mir zweimal seinen Podcast gemacht. Das war fucking Bullshit. Und ich war so, nein, ernsthaft, was ist passiert, Alter?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Denken wir, wir sollten ihn auf unserem Show haben, Morgan? Ja, sicher. Warum? Aber wirklich? Warum? Ja, weil ich von Whitney-Sachen gehört habe. Andere haben es gesagt. Wirklich? Er ist steif. Er weiß nicht, wie man Informationen hinzufügen kann. Er ist ein Diva. Ist er ein Diva?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ja, aber wenn du ihn anschaust, sieht er nicht aus wie ein Rat? Seine fucking Zähne und die Art, wie seine Gesichter aussehen, wie ein Rat. Nein, ich bin ehrlich.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ja, er ist gut. Nein, er ist wirklich gut. Nein, weil du sogar gesagt hast, ich meine, wenn du, du warst selbstbewusst. Ja, wir waren selbstbewusst. Es gibt Zeiten, in denen ich Podcasts mache, in denen ich sage, das war, ich war verdammt schrecklich.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ja, du kannst das nicht ausmachen. Es war so schlecht. Du kannst das nicht ausmachen. Oder du gibst ihnen ein Millionen Noten, du musst das ausmachen, das ausmachen, das ausmachen.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
See, I don't want to do live streaming. Here's what works for us. We just absolutely do not prepare anything.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
You were mad at this list. No, we just kind of show up and just do it and sometimes we don't air it. Some of us prepare. What do you mean?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ich verstehe, dass du Arbeit machst. Hier ist ein Video, das wir sehen werden. Aber was ich generell sage, wie wir es öffnen werden oder die Dinge, die wir sogar in den ersten 45 Minuten gesagt haben, haben wir nicht geplant. Nein, wir haben es nicht geplant. Nichts davon. Das ist richtig. Ja, wir fahren einfach die Waffe. Und manchmal ist die Waffe nicht fahrbar. Ja, es ist ein Schwellen.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ja, es ist ein Ein-Footer. Und dann sagen wir manchmal, wir können diese Fotos nicht lösen. Ja.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Aber sie sind wirklich kurz. Sind sie normalerweise länger? Nein, ich meine, wenn ich nichts gemacht hätte, wäre es sicherlich ein Unibrow.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Oh yeah, I have to say something. I prefer that to the... Kalilah, I used to take her to the threading place. I see them do it. You've never had to trim your eyebrows?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
How often do you do that? Once a month? When I can taste my hair, then I cut it.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Sometimes I go, wow, this pastrami sandwich is rough. Und ich dachte, oh, mein kleines Haar ist in das, weißt du, was ich meine?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
No. We didn't get sick at all. In Australia we didn't get sick.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Möchten Mädchen, wenn du mit ihnen bist, wenn du in einem Hotel bist, willst du, dass du das dann machst? Hast du das jemals gemacht?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Am I fat? Am I fat? No. Like your brother said? No. You've been thinking about that. You're not. Yeah, I've been thinking about that the whole time. You're down six pounds. Am I fat like your brother said? You're literally not. You're stout. You're stout. You're stout, dude. I'm not stout.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ja, Alter, nimm ihn. Du wirst sehen. Ich tue nicht... Weißt du, was ich in Australien immer gesagt habe? Morgan J., wenn ich darf. Ja. Okay? Ja. Es ist diese Art von Bullying. Es ist das hier. Nein, es ist das hier. Nein, nein, nein. Ich werde gejagt. Ich werde gejagt.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Und dieser Kerl kackte wie eine Hyäne in der Nacht, Alter. In meinem Gesicht. Und weißt du, was ich ihm gesagt habe? Ich habe gesagt, all diese Leute, du wirst es sehen. Du wirst es sehen. I love a challenge. You can do it. I love a challenge. No, you can't. I believe in you.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
I know, but I'm still going to look like... That's still me. That's ripped to me. He is ripped. Yeah, yeah. And I can't get there. There's no... Physiologically... There's no way you'll ever get there. I love those fucking... Dude. You'll never be able to get there. A grasshopper, and I fought it with my... Okay.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
So, everyone listening to now, you heard it first. Wait six months to a year. Let's do it. And then we'll see.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Yeah, man, I got fucking jacked as shit. Frogs are gay.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
He'd be like, yeah, so Joe, that's the thing that's going on. It's like, frogs are gay. That's an emulation. Children are gonna be gay like frogs and be hot bump and all. And then he would stop and in the middle of it go, baby, baby, kissy, kissy. Ha, ha, ha.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Meine Hand zu Gott. Baby, kissy, kissy. Oh mein Gott, ich liebe es.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Zwei vielleicht, weil kissy, kissy bedeutet zwei.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ja, kissy, kissy, kissy. Ja, ja, ja, ja. Aber er würde nicht mal einen Beat verpassen. Er geht direkt zurück zu Rogan und sagt, und das ist das Ding, wenn sie einen Frosch licken, versuchen sie, sich hochzuhalten, und sie werden auch gay werden. Sie werden dich gay werden und du bist kissy, kissy.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
I was like, does he go like, yeah, sucky, sucky, baby. Wow, that's where sucky, sucky maybe came from. Sucky.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Is that 50 years ago, 100 years ago? Is it still $2? That's from a movie, right? $2 sucky, sucky, what? Chinatown, maybe? Like, inflation's gone up. You think it's like $80?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
That was so sincere, dude. That was so funny, dude.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
He didn't do it for it. Oh my god, I got AIDS, I got the art.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
He looks like he has AIDS right there. Yeah. Terrible, bro. Look at that. He's like, I got AIDS. No. Oh, here we go, an AIDS song. I have AIDS.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
So last night he comes up to me nervous. He goes, I'm a little nervous. I go, about what? He goes, I wrote down questions.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Sie haben keinen extra frischen Kaffee beim Kentucky Fried Chicken in Australien.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Sie sagten, es war wirklich gut. Die Qualität des Kaffees ist gut, aber sie haben keinen extra frischen Kaffee. Es muss frisch sein.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Was ist dein bestes gebratenes Kuchen? In meinem Leben? Ja, das Dave Chappelle gebratenes Kuchen.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ich konnte meinen Nacken nicht bewegen und mein Herz stürzte.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Warst du zufrieden mit ihm? Nein, ich bin zufrieden. Aber als wir ihn zuerst gesehen haben, haben wir gesagt, wir gehen zurück ins Hotel. Wir sind in den Auto gegangen und er und ich haben beide angefangen zu schluchzen.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Wirklich? Ja, weil es so cool war. Er hat uns in seinem Jeep am Flughafen gekriegt. He picked you up? He drove and he picked you up? He literally was leaning against the Jeep. What's up, man? And we got in. It was incredible.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Das ist inspirierend. Ich denke, das ganze Ziel meines Lebens und dieses ganze Abenteuer, das ich gemacht habe, und es war ein ganzes Abenteuer. Ja, das ist verrückt. Diese kleinen Momente, es geht nicht darum, okay, hier geht's, Abenteuer.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Lass es erst raus, weil ich das mag. Ja, es geht um jedes Jahr, wenn etwas Neues passiert, glaube ich, ist das mehr wichtig als Erfolg. Wie, weißt du, als wir an dieser Insel waren und wir ein paar kleine Quokkas gekauft haben und sie hatten ein kleines Babyquokka aus dem Bein.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Und dann, weißt du, ich nehme ein Selfie mit dem Quokka und ich bin so, ja, ja, es ist ein Moment, den ich nie geplant hatte. Es war eine Überraschung.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was, um, memories. When you build memories, I think that's what the point of life is.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
And experiences. And it's like, you know, the Chappelle thing was that, and I think some of the things we experienced with Quokkas.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Yeah, and also, um, Riding scooters in the park with my bad friend. Yeah, dude. Yeah, 14,000 seats. 14,000 seats. Sold out. 45,000 Australians. Sucking in air through an asshole.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
That's a memory. That's a memory. Australia. That's the whole point of life. That is. Yeah, don't you think? Yeah, let me do mine.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Wait, wait, hers is called Tiger Milk? Tiger Milf.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Do it. Every day. No, in New Zealand. No, going to New Zealand. Oh my God, that was a meltdown.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Well, not just any dog. The greatest dog alive. Yeah, yeah. And so my dog... Snoop Dogg did it. Yeah, Snoop Dogg chewed on my passport. Hey cuz, give me that passport. So there's a couple of pages with bite marks in it. Und wir waren auf dem Weg und sie sagten, nein, du kannst nicht. Und ich so, was meinst du? Du kannst nicht in das Land kommen.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Oh, das hat... Sie schlossen ihn ab. Also ich saß da, während alle auf dem Flugzeug gingen. Und ich dachte, ich glaube... Und dann begann es zu melken.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Well, you want to wrap it up then, sweetheart? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Let's end this. Wrap up the show with a song. I'd like that.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Bruder, wir sind schon da. Nein, ich bin noch nicht da. Er sagt noch etwas. Er sagt noch etwas! Was sage ich? Ich bin so nervös. Ich bin mit jemandem. Er gibt mir die Liste. Wer bist du mit? Ein Comic? Eine junge Frau. Oh, eine schöne Frau. Dann sagt er... Ich habe nicht mal gefragt. Er sagt, ich habe eine Visektomie. Stopp. Dann sagt er, ich schwöre, du willst sie sehen? Stopp, ich war so nervös.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ich sage, wir sind auf dem Patio. Ich habe nicht mal gefragt. Du bist der Typ, der seine Pupen an die Audienzen zeigt. Und dann sagt er, ich will sie sehen. Und ich sage, wir sind auf dem Patio, es sind Leute da.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Oh, you can't match... You can't match... You can't match my energy. Okay, you can't match it. My energy is my own frequency. You can't match it.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Ich habe den pinken Sack gesehen. Gute Farbe. Gute Farbe. Gute Farbe. Also, ich bin sorry, Alter. Ich bin sorry.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Schmeckt es nicht. Aber, aber, hör mal. Papier? Kannst du, kannst du das sauber machen?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
So... You don't fuck or I hoe? You don't go Midwest, fuck them. You told me. Isn't that where Whitney's kid is from?
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Great. Thank you, thank you. Do you like my sound effects? I really like it. Thanks, man. Very good. You know, usually sound effects don't get involved, you know what I mean? But I thought this is the right time. Sometimes you gotta do it.
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
That right there is a grave misjustice. You wouldn't hook up with him? This right here is diabolical. In what context? Schindlers List, yeah. In a Schindlers List context where I'm in a camp, maybe. But no other context. Amistad, maybe. In an Amistad contest, we're in the bottom of... Auf dem Boot. Auf dem Boot. Wir sind auf dem Boot. Du bist nicht auf dem Boot. Was? Du bist nicht auf dem Boot.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, shit. And you shouldn't say that. You should not. Megan. Anyway. Let's play a game. Shut up, weird eyes. That's what she said about me.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
We can do it ourselves. We do them all the time. Ready? Yeah. Which one do you like? I'll go first. Go.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I know that. And the reason why he said lemon, because it's yellow now.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I lost. I don't think that's true. I think it's true and it's rude.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You know what I would do with you if you were my sister?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Every day. That's the show. I would sneak into your room. I would clip hairs from you. Oh, God. No, it's not weird. No, it's just, yes. Well, it's definitely fucking weird. It's not weird. Wait, I'm listening. Thank you.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, in the woods, right? And I would find the perfect one.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And what I would do is I would make a demonic epitaph. Right? I would take this.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah. I would take this hairs, right? Jam it in the fucking squirrels, your mind and their mouth part of the skull, like in that part, right? It would be sticking out. I would take a stick, right? I would probably put like frog warts.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I think that does something. Like frog skin. The warts. Just the warts. I would squirt it on it. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And then I would get black handles. Black candle. Yeah. And I would put a circle and put this epitaph. Is that the right word? Epitaph? No. Yes. Effigy? No, no. No. Yeah. Effigy. Sure. Right? And I would do demonic, like, seances.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And it would haunt you. And I would be gleefully laughing. Anyway.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I take it back then. I won't clip your hair as I'm making it. Here comes the bully. Yeah.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
What? Yeah. You want to see my... I made a little thing. What? What did you make? Oh, yeah. Maybe we could join the science. Like an effigy or something? Like an effigy, dude. Right? Show it to me. Look at that. Keep it in my pocket all day long. Are those black candles? Yes, they're black candles, right? Whoa. These are her hair. You're awesome, Lee. Yeah. Do you feel sick at night?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Bingo. Whoa. Go, go, solo, boy. Ship Station. We have an online business.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And without Ship Station, I think we'd be lost, my friend. I would definitely be lost. Life in general can be chaotic, Andrew. You know this. Yeah. As do I. Yeah. And if you're in charge of order fulfillment for an e-commerce business, you know that's its own special kind of chaos. But with Ship Station, you can count on your day-to-day remaining comms.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Seamlessly integrate with services and selling channels you already use.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Go to ShipStation.com and use code BADFRIENDS and sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com, code BADFRIENDS.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, I feel so many good things about money. What do you feel about money? Safety, security.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I'll tell you another thing. When I first started making a little money, I remember investing in some mutual funds and stuff, and it makes you feel like it's going somewhere.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Head to acorns.com slash badfriends or download the Acorns app to get started.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
My math teacher in the eighth grade literally did this. I said something like, I'm here or something. And he went.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
In front of the class. The whole class laughed. And I laughed too, nervously. It's terrible. In my mind, I was like, I don't think that's right.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
No, so I did a movie with Jim Belushi. Iconic. Four months ago.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, you're so good. I can't get why I won't buy you. That's wonderful. Oh, wow. What a wonderful treatment. What a good experience. I like it. Oh, no. Yeah, I'm about to snap.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Anyway, him and Dan Aykroyd still tour with Blues Brothers. I found that interesting.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Jim Belushi, in his own right, was a star. He was on a sitcom called Look for the New Jim.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. And he can do a lot of things like John did. Wow. Okay? The talent is in the family.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Okay? I don't like your line of questioning here. That's just an honest line of questioning. You're right. I'm being awful. Thank you. I love you. Thanks for doing it.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I was telling these guys, I haven't been sleeping much.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And it's been five days of holding within my cum. Don't you just cum in your belly button? No. I'm trying not to relieve myself in that way. That's why his balls are purple.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Some people get blue, I get purple. Okay. Purple bows. Sorry. That's how my dad said it.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Purple ball. Bobby? Yeah, Dad. I don't know why I do an accent when you talk, Dad. That's my bad.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, from heaven. Thanks for bringing that up. I didn't know. Yeah, yeah. He's gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I don't know if that's right. It was. Yeah, you think that. You called me. Yeah, but you were the one that told me that when regular girls haunt people, they go boo. And what does my dad do?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. My theory is this, Lisa Giller, if you want to hear.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
When my father died, my brother and I argued about the ashes.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So then I go, just split them up. But I go, make sure my brother gets the upper half and I get the bottom half. Because if a ghost haunts you, you'd rather hear footsteps than the actual.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
and that's why that's why I clip your hair and make a squirrel epitaph I wish you would kill me yeah me too you had a grumpy day too?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Do both of them the belly rubs? Remember his belly.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's your last chance to get a belly rub. I'm sorry. I said that I clean them out now, my belly buttons.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
yeah because they get him fixed at some point they get him fixed or they get him like pushed in that's an Audi no thank you they don't push him in oh yeah you gotta get your uncle I think I have an Audi based on that photo can I just show you yeah
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Wow. Do you like that show? Yeah, I love it. It's a great show.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
He's confused. He didn't even know that there was a guy.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. There's a lot of good shows out now. I haven't seen anything. You've never seen Severance?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And she was in Australia. Yeah. You saw a documentary on Netflix?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I can't do an Asian accent. I've got an Australian accent.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So talented. Can I tell you... Is this UCB? Am I wrong? It is UCB.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Largo. Can I tell you a compliment about Jason Manzoukas? Sure. I was on a sitcom called Animal Practice.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Why do I bring up Mixology? I wish you would. It was my favorite show that I ever did. Yeah. There he is. It was a sitcom on NBC called, and the star was the monkey. He's on the right.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so look at the poster, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tyler Labine, Betsy Sedaro.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So the show got canceled and it was the day. Can I get a duh? Duh.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And I was going to Seth Meyers' birthday party. Name drop. You know who produced it? Huh. The Russo Brothers. Joe and Anthony Russo. Joe, welcome to the Russo Brothers Pizza Place.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
,,,,,,,,. P P P P P P 19 PD. , , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a and a and a and a and a and a a a a a a a a a P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P G dunpl.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G. ,G. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
He's seeing you. What the fuck you doing, sir? Dad? Yeah, son. Hey, dad. Hey, son. What's up? Where have you been? I've been on the bus all day long, man.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
After Endgame. They did Captain America Civil War, right? Endgame. All those ones.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, I'm driving it. I'm taking the ladies. You know, talking about my fucking pineapples on my pizzas. I have a good fucking angle in, man. I miss you, pop. I miss you too, son. What happened to you? You die?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, fuck you, dude. What have you done? A movie that you can't even get off the ground? That we're not going to fucking do? We're going to do it. You're all talk.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Ooh. You're right. Yeah. They look like little vagas. They look like something's going on.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. I got four days. Yeah, San Diego. It almost killed me. It's bad. When they go bad, it goes bad.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So you're not a part of any company, any production company developing anything for you?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's a zombie movie. Yeah, and he had funding. So we're all going to fly out. Not you, but I was going to fly out to Spain.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I don't like when you're being coy. We've got stuff too. Hey, we got stuff too, you know?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Right? And then last minute, he's like, I lost funding. I'm like, no shit.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Bobby and I are hosting the show and it's... So we would match you with somebody equivalent level.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
So let me think of somebody that we could patch her up with.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Can I get through the smell, though? It was actually pungent. Well, it's your fault. I know. I fucked it up.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You go first. You're the guest. What are we doing to explain it to me? We're replicating your fart.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
The best what? The best version of your fart. Oh, good. Thank you.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's like a different interpretation of actually the thing. It's art. It is art. It's all subjective. I feel like I know what the order was. What was the order? You first, you second.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yours was like... Yours sounded organically farting.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Well, that was the talent. If you were on a date and a guy did that, is it a red flag?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty good. But would that be a red flag for you?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Anyway, can I finish this? I was going to the Seth. Yes, you have a competition. Right. And then so I was walking down Sunset from the store. And then behind me, Jason Manjus just walked by me. Then he looked at me and he paused. He gave me a side hug and he goes, I'm so sorry about your show. And I go, I didn't know him that well. And I thought, what a nice guy. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I never do. Me and Bob have never farted in front of each other. Never. That was the first time. And then I didn't even get cut out. It was so disgusting.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I'll only fart in front of an ex-girlfriend if they do a blood queef.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you. I'm a good, you know, I would be a good, an ad agency. I would be really good.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Let's come up with a different thing about like, you know, instead of like, hey, can you pee on me? Come up with a different terminology for that.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That's pretty good. What about poop? Mm-mm. You can't come up with one?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
To be there for me in that moment. What are you thinking?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You're a good one, Lisa. I would have got that wrong.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Look at the board. Toot to Connie. Yeah. It's from my mom's house. Look at the board. Bing, bing, bing. Yay.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Sorry, Toot. I just don't know how she would come up with that.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I lost and I was relying on the money to save my family's business. And this is going to be a triple suicide tonight at the new Khan Angadi's house.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Boo! Way to go, Toot. What a great newt, dude. If you ever repeat that again, I'm going to get... What? Slow down. No, fuck you, dude. Took you, dude. Dude, you can slow down. Really good game show.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That's true. My grandfather used to say that. Not everything. Everything involves pee. And I go, what are you saying that for me? You know.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Wow. Can I do a toothless and not toothless? Please. All right. Wow. And what did he say? Put the teeth back on. Don't touch me there ever again. Oh, wow.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
My grandfather was bilingual. He was a highly educated person. I come from a line of educated people.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, okay, they're a very good impression. Because if I said it in Korean, the joke wouldn't be there. Let's hear it. I don't know if I can say it.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That was good. Yeah? Yeah, it worked. I just said penis don't touch.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
This is a kid's show. Okay. I'll tell you some other Korean nasty words if you want to know. Bangu. Bangu, bangu. What's bangu? You know.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I thought he did. Is that why you did that face? Yeah. No, he's nice.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I know, but I've seen him online. I never met him. Oh. But we'll bib him if he needs to be bibbed. Every time I say husband, I make that face.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
All right. All right. Man, I bought my house 20 years ago, man, but it went down in price because of the gamdungis. Oh, boy.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I ate these mussels the other day and made my donkomok burn.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You're being, what do you think? Um. You're contemplating something. Right? Can we ask? Right? Stop this. Like, I'm over it. Watch this. That's what this is like. I'm over it. I'm unaffected.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That's very cute. Oh, farted. Yeah. Farting on the street. Yeah, yeah. I'm in Mexico City. I'm bicultural. Farting on the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too much. Let's go to the last photo.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, you know who's the, I just did a show, a TV show with the judge. You know who the judge is, right?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I am, actually. Monthly. Have you ever been in a magazine?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
oh oh oh hold on let me put it in portrait mode that'll make it good okay perfect thank you okay Santino do you want anything to submit to the magazine if I don't get in a magazine we're done okay ready yep just a little cheese yeah oh oh it's a weird okay yeah that's good yeah um google bobby lee in a magazine yeah I'm not a fucking magazine yeah and then google bobby lee magazine
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
What is a body part that you don't like about yourself?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
They put any Asian person and that's what comes up. Give me the second photo. Yeah, not me. Third photo. That's a great show. Oh, the fourth one is me. I was on a magazine.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who would wish for that? And the girls are the very far left in that photo I worked with after that.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
No, she was in my, I did these Korean dramas on Mad TV.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's a little sketch show that was on for a little bit.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I'm not going to look at you because I really hate you. No, you're not. Yes, I am. What's the third, fourth, what's that one right there? Not that one. That one. What is that?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
That's the band, Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah. Go to that one where I'm holding the... Your Raya picture? Yeah.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Okay. Anyway, Jen Rosenstein. Andrew Santino magazine. Let's go.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Wow. It's very deep. What about you? What's a body part you don't like? Can I tell you? I have a story about my belly button.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, you're in a magazine too. You lied. I forgot that I did that. Yeah, I forgot about the Korean M. I'm sorry.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Okay? His group and his demographic of people that he hangs out with is star studded.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I mean, I can name some names, but the places he goes with the people that he goes to, oh my God.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Look at this. Who's in the front row of a fucking basketball game? Celtics game.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
No, it's just a story. It has nothing to do with that. I don't like my belly button. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Something that happened. So I literally for 20 years never cleaned it. My belly button.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Brother. Sister. Thank you. Hey, brother. Brother. Brother. Okay, now we got to end it. Now we really got to get that. I have to leave now. Literally.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You can't go. Thank you for being a bad friend. Say that in the thing.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
And I was with a girl who was so embarrassing. We're in bed. And she goes, why is your belly button black? I go, what do you mean? She goes, I mean, when I look at it, it's just like a black dot. I go, I've never looked at it. And she's like, is it dirty? So I stuck my finger in it and I did a scoop. It was like a scoop of soil.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Gilroy. Clap around. Clap the hands of the Lisa. You're so talented. I'm enamored by you.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It was so embarrassing. And she was like, I'm going to go home or something like that. Imagine if you just grew something in there, it would be so cute. Yeah, what? Plant a little seed. Like a tomato plant? Yeah, anyway, and now I clean it religiously.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Is there a body part you don't like about yourself? I asked you first, but yeah. I'll tell you mine. What is it? My testicles. And I'll tell you why. It's the wrong color. Thanks for coming by, Lisa.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah. Would have been a great callback, though.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, yeah. Try to use another animal practice reference. But my point is that it's too dark of a purple.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You've seen it. I have. It's way too dark. No, it's very dark. I'm thinking about getting bleached.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Exactly. Bingo. And there's a ring, a purple ring around the actual shaft. Let's move on.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I know, I know. Exactly. Have you been on a sitcom?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
It's not you got fired. It's just the whole show is done.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
In our animated show, she should do a voice. We already talked about it. Okay.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
But if we had a show, hypothetically, and he goes, hey, Lisa, do you want to do 15 minutes? Could you do it? Yeah, I could do it. Okay, that'd be fun. Yeah, she could. Yeah, she could.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
We did. Yeah, yeah. Jack Black. Yeah. Jack Black farts, which are magical farts.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I guess it's just always been there, your comedy instinct.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, I'm part of your fucking arrogant way about things that you do. Really? Bobby.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Your dreams are going to die. Your people are weak. Hey. I'm kidding.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. Are your parents oil people? Shh. Don't bring it up. We're not allowed to.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. He sounds mean, but he's very nice. Oil monster. That is an oil monster.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, I like that character. Can you make up a character on the spot? Is that how talented you are?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah, right back to it. Yeah. So did you start there or did you start in LA?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Lisa Gilroy, I find that- Sentiment to be rude. Thank you. And I'm going to tell you something you said the last time. Bobby, let's gang up on her right now. The last time you said to me, you go, I thought you were going to be crazy, but you're like super nice and sweet. It's a thing that you assume that rattles my mind.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I know, she said that about you, both of us. She said, she goes, I thought you were going to be mean. Mean, that's what it was. Yeah, yeah. We're not mean.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Wow, did you see that, dude? Pretty good. Yeah, we should call Pixar or something. Yeah, call Pixar. Yeah. Do you have... What? Give me a character.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Oh, I already know. That's your way of saying that he's handsome.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
You think she has an Asian fetish, your imaginary friend?
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
The Kardashians. They only date black guys, except for the one. Which one? I don't know the name. There's one girl that doesn't date black guys. She's married to the guy, the white guy on the show.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
For people that don't know, Neil Strauss wrote this book called The Game, and it was basically a way... of negging. It's the secret to negging, truly. It's like pretending you don't care, kind of insulting girls. It's negging them.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
I don't really want wine. I'll just have some water as well. Are you sure there's nothing else back there?
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
We started drinking and we're like, we'll have a beer and then we'll leave. Then we talked to a bunch of these women. We got really fucked up. We started dancing. This woman's like, you guys got to come back to my house. I'm divorced and I have a whole house to myself. We can all party. And this woman was very, very sweet. Sweet. What does this mean?
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Yeah. Butterface. Butterface. We call him Butterface. Yeah, but she was a shrimp. What part of Spain is fancy from? Southern. That's not true. Okay.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
So Dominguez... Oh, yeah, sir. And we'll just take three steaks, obviously, because we fucking can't choose anything.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
No lemon for his, please. And no ice in mine, please, if you could. Did you get all that? Let me write it down. You can't memorize that? Can you repeat it back to us so we make sure you get the order right? You can't memorize that.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Happy New Year! We know how much you guys love Fancy B. We love him too. And so we put together a little Fancy B compilation, if you will. I mean, I did it myself. I'm the one that edited this whole thing. And that's because I wanted to show Fancy how much I really appreciated him and loved him for the new year. So enjoy, bad friends. What's your deal?
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Dude, honestly. Dude. Wow. I love it. I think he was spraying shot. I think he couldn't hold it in.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
No, I'd go right in the aisle like that. Really? You would? Well, yeah, the way these prices of these flights now are so absurd, the least you can do is let me shit on the floor. What? Someone what?
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Give that mic to Carlos' side. I want that facing Carlos from now on. Carlos? Yeah. Yeah, face you. There we go. I can't have this guy just yab-yabbing into the mic about nothing.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Well, let's give you another chance to do this bad joke. What is it? Go ahead. Yeah, so you say what you were going to say.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Don't worry. He'll interrupt me like he always does. So, yeah, it was a Delta flight.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Now, I know you're editing this, but I want you to slowly punch in on yourself. Slowly zoom in on how dumb you look right now. Thank you.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
You're the fucking whitest friend I have. You're so fucking white. But I never go in there.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Why are you so uppity and throwing darts at people? I don't know. I just feel good.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Give him credit, dude. What the fuck did you call me, dude? You are the Twinkie of this show.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
There's our server. Hi. Hey. Hi. Hello. Oh, so you... Oh, you do hosting and... It's a one-man shop.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Yeah, take the shot if you're going to take the shot. Take the shot. You're going to shoot a guy in the back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you do. No, you shoot him.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
You know what he did, dude? He sucker punched you. Yeah, that was. He walked up to me. He looked at you. Boom, and punched you without even. Just say it, you fucking coward.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Outside of Rogan's Club, though. I don't know if you saw this. There were black Israelites. Do you know what this is, Goop? Creek, do you know what a black Israelite is? Looks like an African Jew to me. Okay. There was dozens of black Israelites yelling in the streets. They were the original Jews and they were screaming at people.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
And they were wearing purple shirts, just like those shirts right there. And they were screaming at people. That's exactly what they were wearing. That's it.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Tom DeLonge is being inducted into the Poway High School Hall of Fame. Tom DeLonge of Blink-182. By the way, the thing that I was upset about was there was another woman that was inducted who... I don't think it's famous.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
You know, you're lucky that was funny. That was so funny. That is not okay.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
I mean, dude, the timing. Let me see how you say, uh-oh, hot dog, in Spanish. Spanish style.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Well, here's the deal. Yeah. Part of the growth of a child that we've seen is that the support from the parents makes them believe that they can do something. So he's tricking his kid into thinking he has the ability to do a lot of stuff.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
That's all they serve. Okay. Chimichurri steak. Well, do you guys want to put in a drink order or something like that? Do you want something to drink to me, I guess?
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
No, but it helps you hear your own sound. You don't want to fuck up your hair. It's fine.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
There is. And then what they call sweeten it. They sweeten it? They sweeten it. They put more laughs on top of the laughs.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
For me, gambling is I'll do it for fun. But I don't think about I'm going to win money. They're full-time gambling. Andreas, no for you, right?
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
I'm not convinced. I just saw Matador in my head pull a finance advice. Andreas, a finance advice. Do you need advice? Let me hear you say that. Have you heard of Richie Valens?
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
And you were like, maybe it's wrong. Well, was there a control to your experiment? You had to have a control. Yeah. Can Spaniards swim?
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
Yeah. For the record, I never had... anything other than a clear coat or a buff. But you can't buy your kid a guitar and be shocked when he becomes a rock star. You know? You're showing him the ropes. The kid's got to fly free.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I just imagine Korean saying it. Well, how do you say it in Korean?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Well, you'd be on the road, too. Yeah, I'd be on the road. And then what would you do? Like, if you were in Cleveland and I was, like, in Denver or whatever, or vice versa, whatever you want to say. Sure. And we would be mourning because, you know, I would lose so many people. So many people. And then our cell phones still worked.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And then, well, you think in a day we would call each other or a couple of days?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I'm just thinking hypothetically, if the satellites aren't down and we could call, would you... I think within the first 12 hours, we would text each other.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And then what would we... What would you... I mean, honestly, what would you do like... Like, would the banks be working? Like, could we get money out?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And the level's like two minutes and it's the same basic level. It feels like a Candy Crush. It's one of those like puzzle-y games where, you know what I mean? You line things up.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But you said that there could be a possibility that you can be alive. There is a possibility. Why wouldn't you give them more than a week then?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, yeah. I'm a burden guy. You're 10 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a 10-year guy.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah. I only play one level, and I was telling my therapist the other day, and she goes, stop. Why? Because I'm running away. You know what I mean? I'm being obsessive about something, and I do it because I don't want to feel. You know what I mean? It's like, I do a lot of things where it's like, I don't want to feel. So I just, I'll watch the same YouTube video over and over again.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
You know how much money? I have 100 grand in the bank. Well, then give me the 100. No. My mom, my brother, we have the same thing, but I give everyone something. I think your mom gets all of it, and if she's not around, Steve gets all of it. No, that's not what, I have, everyone gets something. Abby gets something. Everyone gets something. Abby gets something? My manager, yeah, yeah. Why?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Who do I care? I'm going to be dead. That's my point. Robin Hood Gold. With Robin Hood Gold, you can now enjoy the VIP treatment, receiving a 3% IRA match on retirement contributions.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
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Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Talkspace is my favorite of all time, man, because you need to talk, dude. You need the space to do it.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I go every Thursday and I love things like Talkspace because I think it's vital in your life. You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider. That's the right fit for your needs. Typically within 48 hours, you can also switch providers at no extra cost.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash badfriends and enter promo code SPACE80.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
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Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I probably saved like thousands of dollars a year. You? Yeah, thousands.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
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Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash badfriends today.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But when you see like a celebrity die at 53, because I'm 53, right? You go, because I feel so young still. And you just kind of go, oh shit, it can happen at any time.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
That's just what they call them. Just call them Asians, dude. Is that what they just called them? Big head people? Yeah, yeah. Look at how, okay, well, how big is it? From that photo, I can't tell.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
There is a, I don't know what the people are called in Korea or in Japan, but there was a type of people that were, they didn't look Asian, but they're mixed with Asians, and that's why Japanese people look the way they do. It's nicotine.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Whenever you've seen me vape- You're smoking weed outside of work, though.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, I know. But I'm not like... Because when I saw you in that alleyway, when I saw you in the alleyway... You did look stoned. You looked stoned, dude.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
They're my favorite. Yeah, yeah. Great restaurants in Mexico City, I hear.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Is that the people? Juman, right? What are they called? Juman. Juman. Juman. Juman people.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So at one point, they look like a Spanish midfield soccer player. Okay. And then they mixed it with, you know what I mean, a regular age. Right. Right. And then the Japanese occurred. But at one point, they look like that.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
At the end of the day, when you mix enough, they're Hawaiian. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
You know who's cute? Jordan Peele and Chelsea Peretti's kid. There's no photo. I did see a photo. I mean, was it through a text or something? He was like really cute, like handsome almost.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I miss- I used to hang out with him every day for so long. And then I just kind of miss him.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
No, I want to, can you be completely honest with me because- You did great last night. I wasn't going to say anything.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But- I'll just get it out of the way. When I walked into the improv and I saw you in the dark, I got the vibe of you going, get away from me. Was that true?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
You were sitting there on your phone. You look up at me. I look at you. And then you went back into your phone and I just left the room.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I hate that. What are you doing? In the middle of a setup, you don't stand up in the front row and leave. I have to say something. Where are you going? Where the fuck are you going right now?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, yeah. There's an obvious piss break, which is when the host goes up and brings people on. That's your way out. In between comics.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
In the main room, something happened where I told one joke that I knew that some people aren't going to like. And then I looked to my left and these two girls were so tuned out at me. I stopped the show and I look at them and go, oh, you guys are tuned out. And one girl did this. And this isn't even funny. I don't know what she was doing. She just goes like this. She goes.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Oh, she showed your feet. I put her feet in my face with two feet coming out. I go, what the fuck is that? And I just walked to the other side of the stage. I go, that's fucking weird. I've never seen that before in my life. What the fuck are you doing? It was almost like, fuck you. Yeah, double fuck. Double fuck with my feet.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I'm going to ask you another thing. Have you ever had this happen? You're at a club, comedy club.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But there's crazy in their eyes. Oh, yeah. And so then you have to... And she was like... And I can tell that when she gave me a hug, it was like her chest into me and that she wouldn't let go.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
She was going to kill you. Right. And she goes... She looks at me and she's like, what are we doing? And I go, oh no, I'm seeing somebody.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, because, Carlos, have you ever met anybody that you're like, I think it's crazy and I can't do it? Or do you do it?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I think it's 100% fail for you. Yeah, I usually do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do 60-40. Don't do 60-40.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, yeah. But if she's hot... I know, but it's like... I understand that. It was a dilemma. You did the right thing. I think so. Because you don't want... Crazy eyes in the morning.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, yeah. When they say crazy things like, I make fresh pasta from scratch.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
My name is Lisbon. Hey, Lisbon. I live in Burbank. Oh, great. Yeah, I know Burbank. Yeah. And you know the end of lamp fixtures? I suck on those. You do? Crazy. Crazy? I love it. All right. I have so many lamps in my house.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah. What about this? When I had a girl... We were taking a shower together and she peed in the shower. Love. I love that. Pee on me. Yeah. But you know what? And I'm fine with that. Oh, but when I poo in the bathtub, it's...
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Armageddon it is it should be yeah yeah it's like whoa you could do that and I can't shit when I'm taking a bath two different things they are yeah completely okay I don't know you know that yeah but um hi what hi I'm cassette like like a tape cassette I don't know what that is I'm 25
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Every time. But when whites. Oh, what about the whites? What about the whites? What about the whites? There's so many good things to say about the whites.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I'm out. I'm out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I want to say, if she looked like Margot Robbie. Hot. Right? So hot. So hot, right?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And she had crazy eyes. Yeah. Right? The floss would be fine. I think the pasta would be fine. Pasta's obviously fine. Yeah, it's fine. Dead pigeons all over the house. Taxidermied pigeons. I think dead pigeons would be fine too.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
No. I mean, this is what happens. Because you know what Trisha Paytas said? You knock up a pigeon lady? No, but you know how there are women at Hollywood clubs that seek celebrities to get impregnated by them?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Lately as of not know. You know what I mean? But, you know, what I'm saying is over the history, you guys get a bad rap.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
He'll be in a spot like this big. Have you ever caught me smelling my penis? You never caught me doing that? Have you caught me doing that? Smelling it? You've caught me, George, right? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I'll do is, and it's quick. I'll just go.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So when my brother was 12 years old, he had a neighborhood, this Jewish kid that came over, and my brother had a Casio keyboard that my parents had bought him for his birthday. Yeah. And when my dad took naps, right, if you made – if a feather fell on the ground, forget it. It's the yellow Incredible Hulk.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, yeah. And what I want to say is, you know what I mean? You guys have done extraordinary humanitarian, you know what I mean, deeds. Some of us. Some of you. Schindler. We've talked about that before. What a list. That's it. Schindler and Ian Wright's coach. Mr. Pigment. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Pigment. That's it. Yeah, yeah. No. What I'm saying is when it's human, all humans have someone.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
You know what I mean? So my brother was playing keyboards, right? My dad took naps naked.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So this is broad daylight on a Saturday, right? My dad walks into my brother's room completely naked, right? My dad, he takes the keyboard and smashes it on my brother's back. Keys are flying out, right? But when he turned around, my brother and his friend laughed because what did they see?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
No, he turned around leaving the room. Oh, his ass? The Korean kite. My dad used to sleep with a bunch of toilet paper jammed in his butthole, and the fucking toilet paper would be sticking out. He'd look like a Korean kite, right? Shopify. If you don't have Shopify, you're sinking, dude, deep. You're sinking down.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
It's a new year, 2025, and you're thinking, how am I going to make this year different? How am I going to build something for myself? I'm dying to be on my own boss or see if I can turn this business idea I've been kicking around into reality, but I don't know how to make it happen.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
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Bad Friends
One Good Korean
That's shopify.com slash bad friends. Man. We like you just the way you are. But let's be real.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
There's always room for a little upgrade, especially in the grooming department.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And let's leave the hibernation mode behind with the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra. And don't need all that extra hair down there to stay warm.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Start the year right. No half-finished beard disasters. With 60 minutes of run time and an LED charge indicator, you're ready to take on whatever 2025 brings.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Get 20% off and free shipping with the code BADFRIENDS at Manscaped.com.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
You can also filter based on specific preferences, Andrew, whether that's looking for a male doctor, speaks a specific language, has availability that fits with your work schedule, or has an opening in the next day or so.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
What do you think? I don't know where they are. Like a one good Korean that like helped. That's a great movie. One good Korean. Oh,
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And the reason why I didn't know until now I know my age. And I have to stick toilet paper back into it.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
There's a little bit of leakage sometimes. At night? Or just when you- 24-7. When you sleep. Right now, you have TP up- Well, I'm on Ozempic right now, so it clogs it up. Right. But in just regular, sometimes. Really? Yeah, so I have to like, and what I do is, I don't know if you noticed, I don't know why I'm revealing this. This is so disgusting. Give it to me. Well, I'm already giving it to you.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Well, go. Okay. This is so disgusting. I don't even know what I should say. I don't care. But it's like, if you notice, I have bottles of cologne on me. All the time. Right. In your car. And I have wet naps. Sure. Right. On the go. So this is an emergency kit. So what I do is at the LAX or whatever, right?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I spray. On the pad. On the fucking wet ones. I know. I've smelled it. Right? Then I do a thing, right? Just in case. Just in case. There's leakage, yeah. You don't have emergency things like that? Anybody in the room? Please back me up. Anybody?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah. My dad used to, I mean, dude, one time, man, my dad, my mom fucked up on rice. She fucked up rice? When Koreans fuck up rice, people get mad.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So my brother and I, my mom and dad were at the dinner table. And my dad, and you know Korean food, what's the great thing about Korean food when you're at a Korean restaurant? All the little. The little sides, yeah. So my mom did the same thing. There was like 15 little tiny, you know what I mean? Oh, I love that. It's the best, right?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And the little grill on the table, right? Snacks on the go. And then the rice was a little too dry. And once I took the bite of the rice, my mind went, oh no! Dry rice, dry rice, dry rice! My dad took the table and threw it into the ceiling and all the panchan stuck to the ceiling and it rained kimchi, right? No, I'm not kidding you, dude. And it was like, oh, my mom was running from my dad.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
It was insane. Kimchi rain. So if you're Korean, don't make it perfect, the rice.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah. My favorite thing of the Hungry Man meal is that little dessert section. Like the brownie or apple thing or whatever. Oh, it's the best.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
My favorite was turkey and the little stuffing, gravy one with the mashed potatoes. What is that? Green peas.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
No, fuck you. No, because now it's not. Yeah, yeah. Idiot. If I eat a bowl of pasta you gave me, there's no way. I would know secretly that you did it.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Because there's millions of people that live there and they're in poverty. And it's like, they still believe that we're getting ready for the war with the US.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And even me, you know what I order there? I go, give me, as my meal, I get... The three sauteed shrimp was so good.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Right? And I'll get some halibut ceviche. You're right. And that's it. And that's the only thing I'll eat.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah. You won't even have a piece of steak? No. She ate a fucking tomahawk like this. No dessert? Nothing. No dessert? Nothing. I can't get anything else in.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
You eat it. You're like, I'm done. I'm about to vomit. God, that's amazing. It's amazing.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, and I'll eat either, my favorite is, I love Golden Grahams. Oh, GGs. Right? I like Cinnamon Life.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I like anything pebbly. You are a pebble guy. I'm a pebble guy? Hold on. Fruit Loops. Nope. No. I don't like loops.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Alright, so... And I suck it like this. Right. I know you do. And I've talked about this before, I think. I don't know where. And I've had to campaign because in the late 70s, early 80s, there was one thing that was the greatest thing ever made. It was the greatest thing ever made. It's what I survived on. If I think about it today, my mouth waters.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And they stopped making it. And if you go online, people still want the recipe.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, it was the greatest breakfast thing. The way it... Fell apart in your mouth.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I think people have tried online. I've read on Reddit and stuff. People try to make it. I don't think they've, I think they've failed. There's something magical about it.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
It's just funny to me. I'm like, more shit? Wait, so does she say to you, does she say, you know, I spent $4,200 this week.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, but she doesn't have to go to you and go, hey, I spent this. No, why? Okay, that's great. What a great husband.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
If there's a World War III and you and I were called in, there's a draft, and we go, we need everybody.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I buy everything. A bird. A mechanical bird, right? You charge it, right? And the cats just kind of walk by it. They don't give a fuck, dude. You gotta keep trying. Yeah, I keep trying. I bought a scratching post that looked like an Asian temple.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
It's right outside my... when I left the house today, the box was there. So I'm going to assemble it when I get back. I can't wait.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
What happened? No, sometimes the wife is so in debt and she's hiding it from the husband. Yeah.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But- Or what would you do if you found out that your wife put a hit on you? I've seen a couple of those too.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Just sucking off the soldiers before they come out. No, no, no. I'm just saying that you find, like, if we're in, like, you know.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
He wants to run away by a little river. But do you have enough to survive in the mountains? Yeah, but you're like Ted Kaczynski or whatever that guy's name is.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, you would wear, I'd have a beard. You'd be like making things in the fucking shed.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So I saw one where a girl gets caught. Now she's with the cops and they confront her. They go, we know. We have it all on tape. Right? And the husband's there. Right? And then the cop opens the door. The husband's there. And she goes...
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're fighting in Hong Kong, right? Yeah. And then the sergeant goes, find the glory holes. He knows where they are.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
There's no way to do it. Late at night, I do think about stuff. Because you know, late at night, you have revenge fantasies.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
You don't have revenge fantasies? Not really. I don't care. Me either, then. You love it. I know you do. So I lay in my bed, and that always putting on a hit in my scenarios in my head, because I go, how would I do it? Well, you go get a homeless guy. Even then it's like, no, because they're going to catch you on tape. How? Even approaching the homeless guy.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
You do? I'm hanging out at Skid Row. Yeah. I go, that guy might go. Hey, sir, can you come here?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And then you're like, okay, that's not the guy. The Cuckoo Cuckoo dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my guy. Right. And then so where would I go? And then I would probably go to like Guam. The guy that works the sports. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like he knows somebody. Yeah, he does. I go, God, you know anybody? I'm just, you know, hypothetical. Yeah. No, dude, get the fuck away from me.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
That means he does. He's like, I'll talk to you tonight. Right. I think I would call the shadiest guy now. Yeah. But after that, I'd be like, I don't know what to do.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Down payment. You always say put a down payment down. Right. Until the task is done.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But he also got a silencer, and apparently that was the wrong move. Why? Oh, you don't know?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Okay, so what professional would say, right, is you make it loud so that people can hear it, and they don't run toward gun violence. They run away from it, and they duck, and they hide. Ah. Right? That's good. What? That's good. Yeah. So you use a regular, a pop, pop, pop, right? That way, right, there's no one around. Interesting. Yeah.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
And the cop that I heard on the news, they said that he played too many video games. The kids today, they play so many video games, they think that's how you do it. They put a silencer and all that stuff.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Wow. How do you write things on the bullet? Very small pen. He didn't engrave it? No, it was sharp.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Back of the head, 15 times. Right. And the one in the dick. Yeah. That one's the sweetest one. Yeah. Wow. Deny, depose, delay. There's a couple of comics I want to kiss. Who do you want to kiss?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
There's always a couple of comics. There's so many comics I want to kiss. Who do you want to kiss?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah. In the vagina. What she did to me the other night was- What did she do? was she started a war with me.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
No, you told me. I told you. That was pretty flagrant. It's flagrant, right? That's a little crazy. So I'm going to tell you what she did, all right? So the main room was packed. I'm bringing Annie up, right? And I have a good set, so I say goodnight. I give her a great intro. Yeah. And also I'm on a date.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So I have a friend in the audience, you know, that's watching the show. She had never seen me perform before.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I did good, right? So then I bring Annie and as I'm walking toward the back of the thing, Annie's coming out through those curtains and she has water. She does a pratfall and throws it on my body. Now I'm drenched wet. And here's- On purpose?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
The room was quiet. And they're like, oh, shit. Whoa. You know what I mean? So now I'm drenched. It's silence in the room. What did you say? My fucking date is blushing. Right. And I go, what the fuck? She's like, oh, I'm so sorry. Because you saw how upset it was. And then as I went backstage, I went, what the fuck?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
While she was on stage. But what do you think of that? Is that war? That seems like a war to me, dude.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
She does things like that. She'll also do stuff like kick you in the stomach. Like she does weird shit. She kicks you in the stomach? Well, she'll like do some sort of, it's always like some karate thing. Oh, yeah. She'll go, oh, hi-ya, ka-ka-ka. And then she'll like kick you, you know what I mean? You're like, what the fuck are you doing, dude? Oh. Annie, what are you doing?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
platoons are they're like this is the no they have a mix have you seen no shut the fuck up have you ever seen Saving Private Ryan there's a mixture of different people you know what I mean of it there's the one guy that's scared like you know like the fucking in Saving Private Ryan the guy that plays the interpreter even though I don't know Chinese yeah you'd be the interpreter yeah but I'm just saying there's gotta be something that I can do I'm the Dennis Hopper character like the eccentric you know what I mean yeah amen you know what I mean war is globalization whatever I don't know
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, what is she trying to start a war for you for? What is that? I don't know, dude.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
She also told me, she said, well, that usually works. With you? No, my pratfall with the water.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
It was so... Yeah, you're drenched. I don't want to be wet. Now I'm wet. What would you have done if she did that? She would never do that to you. But if she did... She maybe would.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah. And then... I'd start a food fight. And I forgot who it was, but after Annie... The comic after was mad. Why, do you think?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So they had to pause and some fucking doorman had to go up there and wash the fucking, clean the stage.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
There's a couple of things she's done over the years that have been like, oh, man, that's a war, but I'm going to back off.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But the water was almost like the last thing maybe. Wow. Yeah. But I don't know. What do you think? What would you have done, Carlos?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Did she apologize for the water? No, it was an accident. I slipped. That was her way of not apologizing.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But then later she was like, she said, she didn't say, she still maintains it was a slip, but then she told me, I've done it before, like throwing water, right? So in my mind, I'm like. That's not a slip. Yeah, that's not a fucking slip, bitch. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Oh, my God. You have no idea what you're saying right now, dude. You have no idea. Can we say Resolution City? You're in Resolution City? Yeah, that's right. I'm in Resolution City right now. Let's break it down. So I'm going to work on some other addictions.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Not Pahrump. He was kidding. We're not kidding. Pahrump's a no-man land.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But they book it in way in advance. What I'm saying is that I want to do like- For locals. For locals and anyone that's in town that wants to work out. A showcase place, yeah.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
He's got the room with the Luxor. Yeah, but could you, I mean, I've never been to Vegas where I'm like, I'm going to call in this way. I don't know where to go. Do you?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, but there's also a lot of, I know probably 40 comics that just live there.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So you can go, hey, guys, there's no showcase club, so just call in if you're in town, it'll just work out.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
That's good. Anyway, very good. Very good. Good night. Let's just end on that note. Let's end on that note.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Let me say something. He was Korean. Right. When soldiers at war and they get shot, they know they're going to die. Yeah. What is the one person they call out for? God. No. No? Their mom. Mom. Mommy. Remember Giovanna Ribisi? Oh, my God. Heartbreaking.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
or it's where they went 18 to 35 right now they're at you know okay i'm gonna give you a lord of the rings a lord of the rings reference all right yeah in the two towers right they gave old men and kids swords to fight right we're in dire straits so we're in a position where we're all being called in okay if they ran out of 18 to 35s are done now they need 40 and ups Yes, that's what I'm saying.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So at that point, right, I would write a letter to Congress and go, can I be in the same platoon as Carl? George, you're out.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Oh, he's a Canadian. Well, not wherever. No, he's one of those Canadians.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Mexico. You know you could see him in Mexico. And he's like, you know, wearing tie-dye. Right.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Just with a bandana. You know what I mean? Like this. And it's like, shut the fuck up, you coward. Shut the fuck up. You cower, dude. You piece of shit. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
You have crystals, and oh my God, you imagine this guy. Dude, in the 60s, dude, you were one of those guys. Patchouli boy. Yeah, patchouli boys.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Are you my therapist or a cop? Both. Okay. Okay. So officer, I have, I do some strange things that, this is not funny, it's just real.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So you know what I would get out? I'll just give you Dr. Scholl. I wouldn't get flat feet. I would claim flat face. Flat face. Dude, I would claim flat face. Could I get out, you think? Your Honor. Dude, I got flat face, guys. My friend has flat face.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Although I could like camouflage myself on a wall. Like Rambo. Dude, imagine me. Just blend in. Bricks on me, right? And I could just stay there. I would stay there for two weeks like this. With a knife, I wouldn't even do that. I would just stay there. Just stay steady. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How would you camouflage?
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
That's what I would do, but I would do it with actual brick wall. Smart. And they would not see me.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
So there's this Netflix, you know how sometimes you go to Netflix and there's mobile games you can download? Oh yeah. Okay. You're thinking, who's this for? You know what I mean? I download all of them, right? But there's this one game that I play and there's like 10,000 levels, but I only play one level a thousand times. Eight hours at a time, just sitting there on my kitchen counter.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
We've never had like a, aside from like the British back in the day, you know what I mean? Yeah. We've never had like a country attack us. You know what I mean? I wonder what like a- 9-11. What do you mean? We had the fucking 9-11. Yeah, but not in a traditional like war where there's like troops and you know what I mean? Yeah, on our soil. On our soil. Yeah, we haven't had war on our soil.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
I mean, even in LA, they're like, we've got MS-13, you know, we got people.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Hey, bro, what the fuck, dude? You're Palestinian, whatever the, you know.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Hey, Palestinian, bro. Yeah, yeah. Or whoever am I. What kind of Chinese are you, bro? You know what I mean? Dude, I'm me. I'm from Ralph. I'm from here. Okay, good. Move over, man.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Well, if you're fighting, if we were in a war with Mexico, we don't get the MS-13. We're never going to be in a war with Mexico. Yeah, we'll destroy.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
But if you were in a war with Russia, I think that most of the gangs in America would be on our side.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
What a weird, in LA, imagine if we were like Red Dawn and we were attacked by, oh my God, it'd be insane.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah. Wow, that would be, I mean, that would be the way to, you know what I mean, destroy a bomb.
Bad Friends
One Good Korean
Yeah, I've always imagined that, like if I was on the road and I was like, LA's taken out.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, he murdered so many people, Japanese, Chinese, and Koreans. Wow. But mostly North Koreans. Wow. And I keep going, don't go to the North. Don't Yeah, yeah. And he will. And Gene is my, well, they think he's my assistant, but there's some, you know what I mean, other privileges I get. You get to have sex with him? That's not what I said. Well, that's what you said.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Oh, sick. It's kind of like Salino and Barnes. Oh, let's do that one, too.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
wow you know honestly this is real you know what's so fucked don't you feel it's real I know it's real in my heart I know it's real it's like a weird thing it is it's like finding gizmo in that china shop it's real it's real it's very real you don't think it is but it is well you're gonna go down I'm gonna get like a lamp right or I'm gonna get like an antique you know what I mean jewelry box jewelry box right
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
But then there's a little mogwai there. And all those little rules. I don't know what to remember. What is it? Don't jerk it off? No, that wasn't a rule. I thought that was one of the rules. Don't feed him after a binda. Oh, those are my rules. When you find me. Don't jerk it off. Wait, go up.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
They multiply. Yeah, but isn't their own saliva something that's... How do they clean themselves? They have to be like cats. You know what I mean? No, no, no.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Well, look. I mean, look at the difference. Like, hey, steal those speakers from that car. Right? Yeah. And they go to it, right? Amago would be like, what? Grab that guy's phone. Grab his phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you got it.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
You know it. Yeah. Up the tariffs. Up the tariffs. Yeah, gremlins would do it. The gremlins would do it. Up the tariffs.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So then feed them at the midnight. Well, they must get like hunger pains at night.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
In ancient Korean tradition, we don't talk about stuff like that. But yeah, sex. Yeah. So I got you a new wand. Here's a new one. Here you go, dude. It's a new elven wand that they have. Oh, look. Yeah, yeah. Look at this. It's a butt plug. Yeah, yeah. Stick your butthole right in there. Dude, come here, Carlos. You have a standard, just a wand. Still does magic. Yeah, but barely.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Dude, would you rather have a Mogwai or a Gremlin in a mosh pit? Come on, it's not even close. It's not even a question. It's Gremlin all fucking day.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
That's Mark. No, that's Rick Ingram. Shopify. Oh, my Lord. Shopify. You know, we have an online business. We would not have one without Shopify. That's exactly. Nobody does it better than Shopify. And it's the home of the number one checkout on the planet.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
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Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
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Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
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Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
You know what I also like about it is, does it give you peace of mind knowing that all Ridge wallets have RFID blocking technology? Wow. Keeping you safe from digital pickpocketers. I don't like digital pickpocketers. I don't like that, man.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
And after you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Now you're addicted to the Renaissance Faire. Now you're going to go every weekend. I really like it because I think that it... It just makes me feel at home in a weird way.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
It's unbelievable. No, we were getting so many compliments because no one dresses like that. What do you mean? Every photo, people dress up. You mean in this traditional garb? But not in this traditional Korean garb. Right. We probably could be the first.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah. Why don't you get a Korean girl? Oh, so Morpheus glasses? I know. What do you think? Yeah, you don't put Morpheus glasses in there.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Good God. I know. Put something on those. But she also acts like she's a star already. Do you see? Yeah. Yeah. She's got that vibe. Like those glasses, like, I hope it's for Bill Burr now. Right? Ronnie Chang. Look at that. She does. She's killing it. Ronnie Chang and Jimmy O. Yang. Yeah, she's killing it. Yeah, but she's very funny. Look at that nose, though. Oh, my God.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
People go, you're taller than I imagined. Yeah. What, do you think I was a dwarf? Like, what's going on here? Did you think I was Brad Williams? Yeah. Wow.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
It makes dicks get hard. Are these handmade? Yes. Wow. Yeah, by Incel. In the Midwest. Anyway, here you go. I get a wand this time. You get a wand this time. Yeah, yeah. I get a wand. You get a wand. This time. You get a Spanish wand.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Okay. Right? Yeah. So these two. Just the idea that he's, you know what I mean, a different color should be a sign.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Because at the Renaissance Fair, we ran into a girl that has a kid, and I'm friends with her. And I bought the kid a wand, but it looks like a lightsaber. So the kid would go, like that. He was loving it. And he hit me in the leg, and I went, ow, ow. And I fell to the ground, and he laughed. So he did it for four hours straight. And then I had to constantly go, ow, ow, ow. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I wanted to disappoint the kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was crazy. So what? New love on that? No, no, no. It's no love. It's a friend. But another thing is that you see the stress of it.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah. And figure it out. I was kidnapped three times. Yeah, they didn't care. Molested all three times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By Downs Patrol. Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo. You're on fire today, dude. Shut up. Yeah. Keep that in. Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo. All right? That one's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to keep that in. That's so funny. But yeah, it's a big responsibility.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
But I said in the car, I go... Because there's a lot of predictions that AI is moving so fast that in the next three or four years, there might be nuclear weapons being released. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Speed it up. Let's get this shit over with. So what I was saying is that having a child would be great because if a nuclear bomb you knew was going to hit and you had your kid, you want to be strong for him and hold him and go, I got you, buddy. Right? But if I didn't have a kid, I'd be like, what the fuck? What the fuck is going on? I would freak the fuck out. The real you comes out. No, I'm both.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
You are. Oh, so if a nuclear bomb was coming and you were all alone. Sipping coffee. Yeah. You're going to be cool.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
You're dead. You know what's going to happen? Yeah. You're going to fucking die. Eventually, too. I'd rather die now than later. Slow death sucks. You know what I mean? You're just walking on the street, and plop, your arm's gone. And you're like, what the fuck happened? What happened, you know?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Here's a Spanish wand. Give it to me. Let me see it. And this one will be mine. And I'm going to say something to you. I have a wand. Here. Okay. So let's play a little dark magic. I learned about dark magic. And today, ladies and gentlemen, when you're listening, all right, today's dark magic is about revenge. Today's dark magic is about betrayal.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, you will. Yeah. Yeah. So it's one of my shows I always go to just to watch over and over again when I have nothing to do. What show? It's Chernobyl on 8 Max. Very good. Right? And so, you know, they would go, because there was one scene where they had to get these water valves released and they can only send three men down there, but the men were going to die.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
They knew they were going to die. Yeah, they knew they were going to die. When you go down there, you'll be dead in a week. and three guys volunteered, I'll do it for country. Would you? For country? Yeah. Fuck no.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yes. No, you wouldn't. You already showed your cards, dude. Well... This is what would happen. I'd stand up, right? He wouldn't stand up. I'd sit back down. Right? I'd be like... That fast. And they go, Mr. Lee, did you? And you're like, no, no, no. I just went and stretched my back real fast. Yeah, so there was a lot of those kind of scenes.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Stamp it. Because in that particular scenario, if the molten lava seeped into water tanks, it would cause an explosion that was going to make Ukraine, I think half of Poland, and some other country completely inhabitable for 100 years. We wouldn't be having these problems now. What do you mean by that? That shit would reach Spain before us, fucker. You would have died a long time ago.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
i don't know moscow no it wasn't moscow it i think chernobyl is more close to ukraine oh then then spain for sure yeah yeah yeah so what i'm saying to you is is that it's gonna it's gonna make 80 million people die immediately so would you make that sacrifice for 80 million people well there's 360 million people in america
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Wait. What? You may continue, my fellow townsman. Downsman? Doy, doy. Doy, doy. Doy, doy. So listen. Yes.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
50? 100 rubles. 100 rubles? Yes. Sounds like every time I repeat what you say, you go up. Did I say a thousand? A thousand rubles?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
All the rubles that your family can eat. That we can eat? Yes. You must eat them because you're going to have cancer. Okay.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
And we have to use our wands to destroy these evil people. Look at me right there. Doing a seance.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Don't play. But so some of these men had wives and children. These are stronger men than we. And I'll admit that. People go to the military. Your wife and your child.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
What? What? I wouldn't do it. So your children will die? I don't give a shit. I'll be dead too. We'll all be dead in heaven together. But if you go in, they will not die.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Ah. Thank you. Would you like a position in the government? Oh. I like your thinking. Yeah. Yeah, okay. How many rubles is that?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I don't know. Okay. I don't know where that went. What's that old Russian saying? In Russia... If you hit me with a feather, I'll hit you back with a tank. Is that right? Yes. Jesus Christ. That's fucking brutal. I was just playing with my chicken. I'm sorry. Live a century, learn a century.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. The eyes are afraid, the hands do. Yeah. I like wolf analogies here. Give me the wolf one.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah. And it was so uncomfortable. You have to constantly balance it. Can I see the girl who's seancing you? There she is.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
No shit. Brother, this is all- I wish my waiting job ran into the forest.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, you know what's also funny about him is that when I saw him at the comedy store... I fucking love Yakov, by the way. Yeah, the only thing that I remember from his act from years ago was, what a country. What a country. So I rewatched his Rodney Dangerfield. Oh, yeah. He's got great jokes.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Barb was great. She is. I had no idea what she was talking about, but it was great.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah. One cacti. One cacti. You know what, dude? One Kakatai. Don't do that.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
yeah you know i'm so glad you got sick on that plane i think it's sick i lost my voice last night no no no when you passed out with um oh and machine gun kelly yeah because i saw machine gun friday did you go to his house no i went to his he just showed up at the store he invited us to a party he did yeah and he hugged me as if we were like vietnam vets he's the fucking best
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
In my mind, I'm like, I'm so glad Andrew almost died. Just for that relationship to flourish. Thank you. It was incredible.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yakov called you Santana. Santana, yeah. Santana. He didn't say your first name. He goes, well, Santana told me. You know what I mean? And I'm like, that's not his name. I am good at guitar. Okay. So people are saying that Vegas is kind of dead. Is it true or no?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Back from Japan. Dax, do you need headphones or you don't use them? He never likes them. Yeah, I don't like to use them. How was our little... Yeah, take your clothes off. Get loose, dude.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Well, no, because I've seen a bunch of them. What did you think of them?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
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Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
That's code badfriends50off at factormeals.com slash badfriends50off for 50% off plus free shipping. Well, I'm an investigative journalist, so. Did you sleep on the flight?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
We think Africa. Yeah. Can we send you to Yemen? Libya. Do you want to go to Libya? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I'll tell you, because when we went to the store, there were clogs, and there's no way. You're not rocking clogs all day. Yeah, we're not going to rock clogs. It's insane. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to do my golden goose. They had golden gooses back then. Did they really? Yeah. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. So back to the dark magic, okay?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
What is it called? I don't know how to pronounce that. I can't read that.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I know. He might have just said it. What about, would you go to Chad? That sounds like a white guy. What's up, dude? I'm in fucking Africa, dude. Next time, go to Steve, too.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yes. With those ladies. Yeah, those are my cousins. How about this? What about that?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
You know who he would have fun in is... That's not about having fun. Okay. No, where? I'm kidding. Like a gulag or something? El Salvador. No, El Salvador is awesome. No, but the gulag that they're having.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Oh, you don't play Warzone? No. Okay. I've heard the word. It's a harsh prison.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Even if you hit the middle of the Pacific Ocean, we're dropping them off there. Yeah, we have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me something light.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Whoa. That's Jesus Maria. That's it. That actually looks awesome. That's the best pizza. But here's the deal.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
So I don't know if you all know that I did a short film called... Death and Robin, right? Boo. No, yay. Yay. For that short film. Right. Okay. It was good. So I'll tell you something. So I'm at the Renaissance Fair, right? Do, do, do. Right? Do, do, do. Andrea Jin goes, because she's dating a writer. Ooh. Right?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Now, let me ask you some personal questions. Were there women looking at you there? Did you get any vibes from people?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Oh, that's weird. That's weird. Yeah. But do you masturbate to her? Oh, boy.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Why can't I ask that? Well, because Dax is our buddy. You don't think I've masturbated to his wife? Come on.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
He's way more famous. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have a lot of fans in Spain?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
So then, you know, he was offered something, or a production company asked him for, like, a production coordinator for something. And he goes, for what? He goes, Death and Robin, the movie. So I got all excited. I'm like, yeah. I call my agents and I go, hey. Oi, hi, Bobby. How are you? Yeah, yeah. Hi, Juby Liebowitz. Yes, great to talk to you today. You're the best agent in the world.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Oh, okay. That's right. His logic is good. Yeah, it's very good logic.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Wait, Andrew, there's horse sushi there? We got to go to Japan. I know.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I think that's what it was. Let me ask you something. Were there other options?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Honestly, be real, dude. Would you eat that, Andrew? Would I what? Eat that. That woman? No.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
pineapple that's on there i would eat i would eat the the old pineapple and the olives those olives are beans i know what they are but i would eat everything around dude why don't fry a fucking one of those one that are smiling guinea pig when it's laughing dude he's literally laughing he told it a joke and then put it in the fryer yeah yeah okay so yeah you didn't eat a horse you pussed out there yeah and then you went to bed you went to bed
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I'm so sorry. Sometimes when you're in LA, there's a certain sound that wakes you up. Are there any unusual things that happen? Like something like a bong. Yeah, do they wake everybody up at the same time?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, something like that. Time to wake up. Time to wake up. Okay, nothing? A guy being stabbed by a sword? Like... Okay.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
At all. He can only live in the plains. So what's the difference about this forest and a normal American forest, for instance? What did you like about this?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Wait, wait. Let's go back to the underwear. Did you smell it? No. Look at me in my eyes. Theodore.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
um i guess you have it with you yes yeah let me see yeah will you smell it andrew have you opened it since you brought it here no i have my sense of smell i have mine too yeah but it was really hard to buy it because i was just by myself oh you can smell they had whole air holes you can smell oh that's all the smells gone now no you can actually smell it can i smell Akiko. No.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I'm on the phone with my number one client. All right, so I'm not... Okay. So, Juby, did I get the movie? Yes, you got a movie. Yes. You got a movie. Death and Ramen.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
You know what I thought you were going to say? This is Akiko. That's Akiko? Akiko. Oh, yeah. So they're used.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah. It's crazy. And his grandma makes 5% of that. All right, let's see the next one. We don't know the age, what that woman looks like. No clue. Yeah, let's move on. No clue.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
You really kind of went far and beyond. It does, but... It does look like Squidward, dude. It undeniably does. I know what we asked for, but...
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
That's what I mean. But did you go to a nightclub, get your moves on? No, no. Wow. Okay. What did you do?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Oh, so it was a Japanese guy that recognized you from the internet? How did he come up?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I just want to get. Dax. Dax. Frame. Frame. Nice to meet you. That's all he said. How did you know that he was a fan? Big fan. Oh, he said that. He's just pointing at a fan.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Oh, he does? Oh. Sho, we love you, dog. We love you, Sho. Yeah. Okay. Good sushi? Yes. Okay, good. How much did he spend on you?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
the women pop group zoom in they're so beautiful Dax they're very beautiful yeah and so we made a video where we were going to make a pizza driver it was very funny were they nice? did they speak English?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Or I'm a general. Right? My name is Vladimir. Right? True normal. It's on fire. Okay? For country. You must have sexual intercourse with one of these ladies. Which one would you want? For country. Remember, this is for country. Thank you. Thank you, Dimitri.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Really? Yes. Oh, I heard Death and Ramen got Sebastian Maniscalco, so I get the Life and Fettuccine. You got Life and Fettuccine? Yeah, and he got Death and Ramen. Can we switch? Unfortunately not. Unfortunately not. He's better for death and ramen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wasn't the guy that was cast, by the way.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, how about this? We'll bleep out the color of the dress that she's wearing.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah. We will. We will. Interesting. Bloop. Bloop. Bloop. When I say. I do that one too.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Do you? Dax, we have her here. There she is. Come on out. Hey. There she is.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Good to see you. Yeah. So, Dex, what are you going to do with this one? It's for country.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Very good. Very good. Very good. But we are not going to use your penis.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah. I see it now for sure. Did you have any experiences that you didn't have in L.A., in Japan?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Bro. You had a crush and you left. Like in the mood for love. No, it's not that. Because that girl knew about the love. What my point is is that this is what you have to do from now on. You have one life to live.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
And I go, why? And what do they say when you don't get something? We went a different direction. I fucking hate that.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
You know what? Let's contact the spell lady. Oh, Andrika. Andrika. Let's go back to Andrika. We'll spend another $30. I'm telling you, be real. Spend another $30 for Dax.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Let's be more specific. No, no. Cast it two hours later. Okay, yeah. Cast it again. At the cart.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I don't know. But, okay, I didn't even get a call. And then when my agents called them, they said, yeah, we're going in a different direction.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
a love spell can you do a love I'll pay extra I swear I got the money in the car you owe him like a hundred dollars it doesn't matter do another love for me oh a love one for you yeah but do it for real I am get the same category that he has alright what else is there I'm so sorry it's so funny that you I know you really believe it now I know I do believe it because the way you just did that you were very cool yeah yeah let me read hold on he just went well no sit in your fucking seat I can't read do a forever love
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I know. You know, I saw a funny meme the other day. It was just so funny. Can I show you this meme?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
It's a thought I made. Well, no. It's actually the gift that counts. It's the gift that counts.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, he wants those. Is this for me? Yeah. So where's mine? Wait, you got me two plain shirts from Japan? It has nothing on them. There's no symbol. There's no. They're from like a popular Japanese store. It doesn't fucking matter, dude. You got me two. Do you know where they're from? What? Uniqlo. We have those here. I know. We have those here.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah. Look at that face. My question to her was. Who got cast in Death and Ramen? Did I really not get Death and Ramen? Right. And every card was a death card. Right, right. And some guy being hung or slain. You know what I mean? Wow. So everybody, I normally don't do this, but I think it's war. I think it is. I think it is. And I would do the same for you.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
It's in large? I can't wear it. Listen, when we send you to the Congo, where are we to send you? Spain. Whatever. I don't think Spain now. But wherever we send you, get me a medium shirt specific to the area that you're in.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I can do that too. Okay. Okay, that's not what I want. I want the thought that counts.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
It's fine. It's fine. But anyway, look into the camera and say, thank you for being a bad friend.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
On the side. Okay. Are you making fun of my brethren and my sisterhood? Your breaths?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
And none only than our lovable, beloved Gene Hong. Gene Hong. Wow. Wow. And look at, we did Korean hangbok. It's called hangbok? That's the clothing. And we were a hit at the Renaissance Faire. You guys were a big hit. I mean, people would bow to us. Wow. I made everyone do accents. Really? Yeah, yeah. Our boat crashed, and we don't know where we are.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I spent a couple grand on those. Yeah, I don't want to do that. Yeah, but that's life. I'm going to use it again. When? When I develop my time machine. And I actually go to 16th century Korea. Where do they buy these clothes? We went to Koreatown and we went to a hanbok place. What's hanbok? Hanbok. Hanbok. It's the type of clothing. And then I rented all those.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I know. Andrea's Chinese. She's Chinese. I know. And she asked, can I wear a Chinese one? We said, no.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah. You're doing Korean. How dare you? Yeah. But look at... He looks dumb. Yeah. He does look dumb. I love dumbfounded. Let's talk about dumbfounded for a second, if I may. You guys are all wearing mics. You film this. Yeah, we're wearing mics.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Patreon or something? No, just for pleasure, for experiences. Love it. So dumb, we're going through every Asian girl that's there. He had sex with. Really? Yeah, yeah. He's so good. You mean that wench over there? Yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like a computer. Dude, that face is like he caught his wife cheating.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Look at my face, though. What am I doing? You're going, yeah, fucker. No. What's that face?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
That's what it is. You're thinking about it. That's the face. Right. So what is that?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah. Give him $50. $30 for a spell. Work on the spell. We'll talk about other things, but work on the spell. You know, we're going to need things. You didn't know his birthday? Yeah, why did you Google my birthday?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
No, that's not a word. That's not it. You ever seen Harry Potter? Carlos. Oventus Magico or whatever. You're going to do something like that.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Your dog's going to get sick. AIDS. Eventually. Dog AIDS. Dog AIDS. Eventually.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, your hair's gone. I did that. Whoa. That's a part of my fucking cat. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Why'd you lose your voice? I was singing last night. Oh, when you sing, you get this way.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I bet you he knows La La La Bamba. That's what we sung. Yeah, exactly. Because when he goes, it's so good.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, she's blind and deaf. Wow. Yeah, and she has no idea what's going on. right? The other one is- You look wealthy, by the way. Yeah, we're very wealthy. Yeah. So then Dumbfounded plays a man who has many murders in Korea.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
La la la cucaracha. They're all the same song. My favorite Richard Vallance is Donna.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
People liked it. No, no, there's no Bronco? Let me try to finish. Start one of those songs. Let me try to finish it here. Me and Jack Daniels got a history. Pretty good. Give me another shot. That was smooth. Make up one.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hanging around downtown by myself on Easter Island with the statues and the gifts are with my mind. Wow. That's actually better than the original. Pretty good. Can you name the song I sang? Yeah. Hanging around downtown by myself. What's the song called? That's not what it's called? Do you not know what it is? Do you know? Sex and Camp. Yes. Oh, Sex and Camp. Marcy Playground.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of my favorites. Oh, let me sing a song. I don't know any lyrics. That's the only problem. Do I know any lyrics here? Hey, Jude.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, I know you would. I would too. You fucking pervert. I would have it, but I want to say, let me direct you, okay? That's rude. Yeah. And what I'm saying is that Leo's one guy, right? And he wants- He looks up at so many people. I know, but he wants 25 or younger and supermodel. Like you. That's not my demographic. No, the girl that I made out with last night was 33.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
So it's like, you know, it's not the same pool that we're fishing from.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah. What I'm saying to you is that I've seen your pool as well. Oh, that's so funny. And I can expose stuff about you as well, right? This guy flew out all the way to New York.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We're the medium guy. But then she got blew up and went uglier. Oh, yeah. That's what I meant. That's what I meant. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm going to go down. I'm going to go downtown. What's been going on, Jules?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And I want to say, like Ali Wong in her book. Ally Wong in her book, right? She says. She has a book? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And then when she came to LA, I didn't hit on her. I showed her around, right? I met her places and I go, this is where you eat. This is where the good clubs, this and that, right? Yeah. I showed them the ropes. There's no sexual intention there. And you know that that's what I'm like. All my openers are women and they're all just friends.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
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Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You know, I treat you like a peer. All of you guys. Maybe better than a peer. Yeah. Like Alex Costa. You know him?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We go into Patagonia yesterday and I'm going to buy something. He goes, Bob, can I buy me something? I go, yeah. And I go to this register and I'm bringing things in and it's $600. And the thing I bought was $80. What did he buy? This fucking complex winter jacket. Yeah. Right? You bought it, though. Yeah. You did. Yeah, yeah. I was so livid. Right?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And what I'm saying is, you guys treat me like that, too. Like, we're peers. I want to say this to you, right? And it's not a threat. It's an order.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I'm Zelensky, for sure. Oh, yeah. You attack me first. No, this is... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're Putin.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, you do. Yeah, you're closer to Putin. Yeah, you're closer to Putin. So what I'm saying to you is that I love you, right? I love you too.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You're the king. Okay, you're the king. Because we're partners. Bishop. Andreas. Rook, rook, rook, rook, rook.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, pawn, pawn, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is... Carlos, you know, honestly... Yeah, knight.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, because he goes, he lies. Oh, he deceives. Yeah, yeah, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, you know what I mean? Yeah, what is she? She's a bishop. She is a bishop. Angles, angles, angles. Angles, angles.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
That was so good. You little fucker. You are a good fucker though. So she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was Bishop moves there. Yeah, that's great.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
He's so mad at you. You don't know about this guy. Those little things, they seep into his- You know what's really funny? Look at it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Do you remember when she was mad at us? Oh, yeah. That was the most heartbreaking two weeks. I broke my heart. It really did hurt my feelings. What? It hurt my feelings. What? Your mom's a hoe?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, very good. And you know what? Another thing you do that drives me crazy, my friend.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Why is it when I recommend you something, you never watch it? But when anyone else recommends it, you watch it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Like I've been asking you to watch different things and you don't watch it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
See, like now. Notice. Did you notice? I saw. Yeah. I've been telling you that. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Pure love. It's the kind of love Mother Teresa gave to the poor. Same. Exact same. Yeah, yeah. It's that kind of unhinged. Undying. Undying love. That's what I meant. Anyway.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
24 hours a day. And she's giggling. Right, right, right. And I recommend nothing. Nothing.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
It is. That is true. Don't ever raise your voice like that to me. Okay. Why is it different?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the one we love, yeah. Back then they did it with religion, right?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Now they're doing it with TikTok and capitalism. Get ready with me. And we're all slaves, right? And I love it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Naysa 2 is out, okay? It made $2 billion in China. It's the greatest animation movie I've ever seen.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
When I said red line, was I close? Did you hear that? It's already in Chinese. It's all in Chinese. Was I close?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
There was a Mongolian guy on my show, and I kissed him in the lips. And he just came here from Mongolia. And he stood up in petrified, and he goes, I don't know what's going on.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Look at that. Look at them. They're all data from fucking Goonies. They're dressed like that. What a peaceful life. Don't you want to do this with me?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Might as well do a Mongolian Spider-Man. Might as well do it. There's a window open. Let's go. Spider-Man. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and there's no fucking buildings or trees. So they're doing trees. Maybe trees. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, but the guy that's doing the rice on his head, you know what I mean? He can't go.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
But do you know why he's doing this? Because Elon Musk and the tech stuff, remember?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
But there's a lot of tech people from other lands. And then Trump goes, I don't know. You know what I mean? And there was a controversy. So now I think this is a way for them to get in.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I thought. What would you do for us if we got you a $5 million gold card? And let me preface this by saying we're not doing it. Yeah. Yeah. But what?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
What would happen? You do this podcast every week. You're basically buying her.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You know, kick me one thing. Today I woke up from my nap, bacon. Were you cooking bacon? Love bacon. Yeah, yeah, bacon throughout my house.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Another thing she does is, do you not like me? Because even when we live together- We never see each other.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
There is fact that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But even when you're there, trust me, you don't leave. And what do I give you? Donuts. Old fairy donuts.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guess what you've gotten me as a gift? Zero.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
What are you talking about? You don't cook the whole thing? I'm not going to eat 15 strips. I know.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I get a call. Can you harbor and take care of little Jules and the dogs? And I said, kindly, my heart is out to you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
In the yellowest pee you've ever seen. Wow. Yeah, Jimmy O Yang yellow. Wow. Yeah, that's the most yellow you can get.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, shape down syndrome, but I don't think it happened.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
. . . . . ., a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P, gener as. , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a el in That brought you back to the Dark Knight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That situation, remember?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, I can't. Now you feel bad. Yeah. Yeah, right there. Okay, so that's me and Ken Jeong.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We had a whole storyline and they cut the storyline out. We really did. Isn't it in like the DVD? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Because we'll put another image. Yeah, because I feel like what I'm saying is bad. Okay, okay. Yeah. What would I eat? Go ahead. This is your shot. Rice. It hurts, but I love it. Now we're on the same playing field.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
That's why I gave it to him. I thought he was doing a joke, like you were in the Special. I don't even read it. Well, I know you didn't read it. I just read Special Olympics. He's trying to make fun of me. You think he's attacking you. He's attacking me, so I didn't read the whole thing. Yeah, don't put that in there next time. But you don't get anything.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, wow, wow. That's great. Yeah. So what kind of size mattress are you sleeping on?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, honestly, that was rude. Honestly, I want to be honest with you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, there we go. You come in here and I'm being a child. And I'm like, I'm going to just state the obvious. But he is a talented young man. He's extremely likable. I could see you on a sitcom. Me too.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Let's do a scene. The title of the sitcom, Way Different Strokes.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Dallas. Wow. So could we come to it? Will we get comped or backstage, all that stuff?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I mean, who's there, dude? Dave, let me be honest. Imagine a 12-year-old skinny kid.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I'll tell you why. Okay. Can I tell you why? Go ahead, go ahead. My bud.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I feel like I'm being the mean one. Yeah. And he's playing the nice guy.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like the things I'm saying, I'm going to get fucking lynched for. Not lynched.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Crucified for. Honestly, I swear to God that wasn't a thing. Interesting choice of words. Yeah, yeah. I swear to God that wasn't a thing. I swear to God. I swear to God, dude. Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be crucified for and you're going to be the saint.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
This is serious business. We're talking about serious business. Okay, let's get to the serious business. And what I'm saying to you is that, you know what I mean? The civil rights movement.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
What I'm saying is, is that, you know what I mean? We fought hard. Who is you?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yellow Panther. Okay. Well, I did my own speech. Okay. You want to hear it? Hate speech? No. You want to hear my speech? Yeah, go ahead.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
but you know me it was it moved those four yeah yeah it really did okay yeah i'm telling you he's but we're but we're we're bonding worlds here we're bonding really we're like do you prefer like let's let's see you and i went to war okay i'll go ahead you and i went to war okay we're in a war yeah yeah yeah um i'm fine wait before i keep can i just say something because you mentioned war yeah did you know that now they're not gonna allow transgender people in the military
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I just got it, Andrew. And I want you to say it. A sequel to a movie. And tell me the movie.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Okay, so all weekend I did not sleep at all. You were doing shows. I know, did not sleep. How? It was so cold and the heat was too heat. I don't like it when the heat's too heat. You know what I mean? What is your perfect optimal room temperature in a hotel? Probably a 70.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Okay, all right. Look at me, little guy. A big guy, whatever. You know what I mean? I have a little dick. I have malfunctions in my body, right? A malfunction? Yeah, and I've had people tease me my whole life. Why are you talking about your body like it's a machine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been bullied.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You remember when you used to, in casting directors, you'd be like, we're looking for white, Hispanic, and other. Right, you're other. We're other.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I feel it, man. Minorities, for sure. And you're a success. And you're killing it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Can we help you? I don't think I need help with anything right now. I'll be real. Because I'll be real with you. This is going to say some bullshit. No, I'm not going to say any bullshit. I'm not going to say any bullshit. Go ahead. Because I was dear friends with Ralphie.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And I never said anything. Rest in peace. I never said anything.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And I've always regretted that I didn't. It's like... You know, when people have a drug addiction at the store, right? I always go up to them. If you ever want to go to a meeting, I'll take you. And I always do.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, I know that for sure. So what I'm saying is that, jokes aside, is there anything we can do? Because it's like, at the end of the day, we want you to get healthy here.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I know, but what happens is it's so cold through the window, it combines. And there's a horrific... Oh, it's like when the Atlantic and the Pacific meet. It's like, no, I'm more like an angel and the demon. Oh. And they're dancing in the air. And I don't really like that.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We have so much in common. We might be like- Blood hurt. Did we just become bad friends? Yeah, yeah, we did, yeah. I want to do a movie called War Babies with you. War Babies, yeah. I'm not going to war with any of these. No, our father was black. Yeah. And he did a couple of wars in different places. And then we're offspring of that black man.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
But go ahead and ask the question. I don't want to. Go ahead. I can't. I can't. Why? The time passed and it's rude and I don't like it. What was it?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I can't. The timing. You know how in comedy there's timing? Yeah. Comedic timing. Yeah, yeah. It had to be there. I don't have the confidence to say it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
It wasn't going to be funny, but I was just curious about when people see you get on the boat, do they get scared?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, yeah. And they don't get scared, so that's good. I've answered my uncle. I love you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Congratulations, player. We got to fly these bitches out. Yeah, you got to fly them out.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I don't like it. But you know what I do like? Huh? And it's polite. Okay, sometimes it's a combo shower bath, but if you want to take a fucking shower, you have to actually go in the tub and do the shower, and then you get wet. Head out. But you know what this clever fucking friend has? A little window.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah. You know when they're using you. No, no, I don't. Now, no, I don't. What do you mean?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, man. But that's happened. Has it not happened to me? Mm-hmm. It has?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah. Black Youngster. Let's see photos of some trench bitches. Let me read the lyrics. Oh, shit.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
That's a really interesting... That's a really interesting question. That I really never had the answer to.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
You remember that? Yeah, that's right. And it's a clever little... Smart. I like it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, we have a Hulu animated show. We do, and we have a game. And we would love to have you in it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Okay, okay. But we'll... I swear to God, we're going to use you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I want you to look in that camera right there and say, thank you for being a bad friend.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
But I hadn't been back to Cobb's The last time I was there is when Ken Jeong attacked me in the green room.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Like 15 years ago. So I pointed to all my openers. This is where it happened. And I positioned the chairs. He turned around like this. How nice is Cobbs? Honestly. And then after that, I did a MySpace corporate show with Al Madrigal, Ian Edwards, Natasha Leggero. Ask everyone that works there. When I got off stage, I started to cry. I bombed so bad. And then I went into the kitchen.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah. I know. That's what I'm talking about. It's an inner lingering slow burn of anger.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Well, MySpace isn't even around anymore, is it? That's how long ago it was. And I got on my hands and knees, and I vowed to the gods, I'll never play her again. I've always had bad luck there. At Cobb's? Yeah, so I haven't been there for like 15 years.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I don't think I... There's no... They got rid of it. They got rid of it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
They didn't have internet back then, so they had to physically make it. They physically make a space for her. And she says, my on it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
That's my space. Yeah, yeah. And then you draw your friends, right? Your top 10. You draw the faces. On the walls? On the wall, yeah, yeah. Walls with fire? It's really good. Yeah, with fire. Yeah, so it's cool.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
To your graduation? I'm calling. Of course we want to go. What did we talk? Of course we want to. Do we wear a suit? What did we happen? You know what? We'll dress like men in black. Just casual.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We're going to be bright. I want to wear those. I'm going to bleach my hair. I'm going to wear funny goggles.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We're going to dress up. That's you and me. Are you going to really do that, though? I'll do it with you. Yeah, let's do it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And then three years from now, they work at fucking Chipotle. That's mean.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
We were in South Korea? Yeah. That's insane. We support the women. We really do. That's crazy. Did you get pussy in San Francisco? No. What happened was this, and I did one of my old school high school tricks.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
No, you go cute. You go cutesy-poo. Right, so what happened was she came to a show. So there's this girl I met years ago on Instagram. Very pretty. And then she kind of like disappeared from the DMs. But then she's like, can I get a ticket? Because they're sold out, right? So I get her in. I do come up. Some high school friends came up. Then she comes up.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And then I invite her to dinner with the gang. And we go to the dinner. And then I kissed, that show for some reason, 10 dudes. Wow. From stage. She don't kiss 10 dudes with us. I know, but I did.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, I just, everyone would do it. Wow, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then she was like, how come you don't kiss me? So in the car ride, I made her drive by, I go, let's just do a kiss, right? I went like that. We kissed like that. A peck. Just a peck. And I go, let's do it again.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Samuel French. Yeah, yeah, you Pearl Harbor it. Right. Right? And then we just made out the whole time in the car.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
No, I'm making out because, remember, I haven't been jerking off.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Like 12 days or whatever. Pretty good. Right? Not last night.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Right? And then my penis went... You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Old boy Dave woke up. Yeah, old boy Dave woke up. Oh, we need to fight. Let's go. Black guy. Whatever. Bing, bing, bing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when you're making out with somebody, your body, it's just biological, right? Yeah, right. You're just super horny.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
And I just, you know, four pumps and a fucking marshmallow came out. Yeah, it was so thick. It hurt. It's like wood glue coming out of your people.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
It hurt so bad. And it was like a pancake batter. Yeah, yeah. Am I Aunt Jemima? What's going on around here, dude? It was like... You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
It's thicker. It is way thicker. I agree. It's the thickest. I meant to say pancake. Pancake batter is the thickest. Yeah, yeah. Pancake batter is the best. What is pancake?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Well, you know, and this is a message to everybody. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. You're high, huh?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Is that, no? That's a part of it. Yeah. Yeah. No, what I'm saying is, is that, I think I used the wrong terminology.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
No, I mean, just the... The next person I like and that, you know what I mean, there's intimacy and stuff, I think I might go for it for long-term-y. Really? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
Yeah, because, you know, some people treat me like I'm still open mic or bop. Who's that?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
open mic or Bob who treats you that way you mean women what you mean women yeah I don't treat no one they're just always like yeah like you know I can do better that kind of mentality and I'm like I don't think so I don't think so yeah you can what you can do better than the comedian in LA it's like the city where Leonardo DiCaprio lives You can do better?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker v Dave Blunts
I'll even do one you better, dude. Yeah, give it. Right. We're the hot guy, right, that she dated.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Was there a Karen Carpenter back in the day? What is? A Karen Carpenter. Who's Karen Carpenter? Huh? Who's Karen Carpenter? You don't know Karen Carpenter? I know Sabrina Carpenter.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And she was a drummer and a singer. And Jesus's father was a carpenter. Yeah. And she died from bulimia. From bulimia? Yeah. And I was trying to make a little, try to riff on something and you didn't know. So now it's kind of just, it was a dead end. I'm sorry. Hold on. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
with her we know a lot of guys here's a little secret everyone listening okay tell us we've had people on this show right unknown comics almost right people that are like really right that have hooked up with super famous celebrities Jeff that we can never we can never announce here Jeff died Jeff died like crazy thing like I know Jeff died It's close, but like crazy things like that.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
But if I said it now, it would cause so much ruckus and chaos. Yeah. And I've never hooked up with an A-list celebrity actress.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
He's a repressor, dude. Yes. Yeah, dude. I'm going to say this right now, dude. I've had enough of him setting the rules.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You guys, I would not be standing here right now or sitting here without it. My body does not move without energy shots. You know what I mean? Because I'm a sloth. Right. And I don't move to the rhythms of the universe.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I love these shots, man. Like sometimes I'm super tired and I got to perform in front of, you know, thousands and thousands and thousands of people. I get a shot of energy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
We're going to do it this time. You have to do it this or you're not doing it. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You know, I don't want to Google it because I don't think we can show it, but can you describe it to me? Okay, so when I- Okay, a hermaphrodite is this. Let me try the definition. Do it, do it, do it. Is a hermaphrodite somebody that was born with both genitals? With both genitals. Are they combined? They can be. There's a whole array of hermaphrodites. Now, which kind would you want to be?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, really? Really? Or I want to have the penis, right? And have the fucking whole of the penis be a pussy. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Great. So only like little rodents and things that can fuck it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It has the actual like labia and the clit, but it's miniature. Well, what if you have a penis and both- So Fraggles, like a Fraggle from Fraggle Rock and come back.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But are the balls big? Yeah. Okay, because I want regular size badges on the balls. Right, right, right. And then, right, what you could do is if Brittany and, what's her name? Abby and Brittany, the twins were lesbians. Yes, that's it. Two for one. Two for two. Two for two.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Or maybe go up on stage. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. We have work ethic. You know, you don't. And stop complaining then. You know, it's your generation, dude. I mean, we're gritty, dude. We are very gritty. Yeah, we click, click, right? You know what that is? Click, click.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You know, it's in the movie Temple of Doom. Yes. Right? When Kate Capshaw, right, is getting that soup. Yes. And she's really hungry. Yeah. And she's about to eat it. Yeah. And then the eyeball foots the surface. That's what I'm going to equate it to.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's a new show on TruTV. So if I honestly, be honest with me with your heart. I'm being 100% honest. With your heart. Literally, hand. Yeah, right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
honestly dude if i was a hermaphrodite okay and i showed you my vag yeah okay and it was like um i'm talking about like you know you know like kate mott you know like i'm talking about like you know i mean just the perfect perfect yeah yeah yeah rebel wilson Rebel Wilson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. I do. She's in Cats, right? She's hot. Yes. That lady in Cats. Yes. I like her.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Her vat. Like beefy. Rebel. Like that. Yeah, but beefy. Yeah. She looks like a nice, tight beef.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
We shouldn't talk like that about women. Yeah, maybe we shouldn't. We respect all women. And Jules, we apologize, right? But it's a very good one. Yes. And I looked at you and I went, you want to? You would? Be honest.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, but you're backwards but you can play golf all day. Exactly. You know what I mean? What kind of golf are you playing, dude? Scumbag. Scumbag golf. You don't play golf, do you? No. I know why. Why?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You're too manly. You have all the chin. You have the fucking, you know what I mean? You look just too manly to me. Do you think I'm handsome?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Just a white spectrum, it's like special needs. Right, right. But red, he's top of the line. Top of the line. The top redhead. And for little mythological Asian dudes, I feel like I'm the top of the line.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I think amongst them in a lineup. Like, you know that thing where they pop the balloons? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think the pandas would pop my balloon. No. They're balloons?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I was kind of juicing her up that night at the Hulu party. She loves you. Yeah, I think juicing was the right word to use.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, she's, you know what? Here's, can I be honest with you? That's what I'm looking for. She's beautiful, right? That's what I'm looking for.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Maybe I'm going to be my life partner. Yeah. Okay. Respect that. It's one thing to be beautiful, cultured. She is beautiful. I don't know. She's like my daughter. It's like looking at my dogs or whatever. There it is. But I love you. I love all my animals. But my point is this. I'm sorry. That's so rude. I apologize. I love you. But what I'm saying is that, you know, beauty, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And culture, right? But they need to adapt to every social situation.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I feel like your wife can adapt to social situations. Am I correct or not about that?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, it's so interesting. Wow, wow. It's interesting that I've never been to a church like that. I want you to come to church. Will you come to our wedding at the church? Yeah. I mean, I'll go to the wedding, but I've never, I know I've been to weddings in a church, but I've never been to like a Catholic church where they have the whole, you know, the bread and stuff.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Why haven't you, are you, is the acting thing not a thing you're going to do? You're very, I mean, let's get down to the business. At hand. Let's get down to the business's hand and look at this guy. He's going to sell out Madison Square Garden. Let's be honest. Allegedly. No, you're going to. Okay. Keep watching. So September, you know, and I'm going to do the show.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I'm going to try to do the show. There'll be an announcement coming soon. Yeah, yeah. You're now a talk show guy. I mean, you're on the talk show circuit. Yeah, you just did Kimmel, no?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's pretty good, though, comparatively speaking. Yep. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Keep going. All right. And can you act is the question.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And so I think we should do a three-way, you know what I mean, a scene between us three. I'd like to test your, you know what I mean, your chops here. I'm putting my product out there, Bobby, on a daily basis, and the people are saying no. That's what's happened. Okay, can I say this, too? And I want to say this. I'm thankful and fortunate for what I do have, but people are saying no. Hey, Guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Guy, Guy! Guy. Guy. Let me tell you something, Guy. There's a disconnect between this and that. between what we do in our ecosystem and Hollywood. Do you understand what I'm saying? There still isn't, you know what I mean, a complete direct line is what I'm saying. They think that what we, they don't understand what we do. And we don't quite understand what they do.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
But we want to do what they do and they want to do what we do. Why don't we do it together? You know what I mean? But they won't let it. You know what I mean? That's why- Are you in? No, I'm not. I've done some stuff.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, yeah. Oh, you did a more Asian analogy. No. Old West. Yes. It's the Old West. Oh, I know what it is. Let's say you're a cowboy. Yes. Right? And I'm a Chinese laundromat guy in Deadwood. Right? You come in. Hey, man. Hey, Chang. You know what I mean? Wash these trousers. Okay, Mr. Okay, Mr. John. Right? And you go, delivered to my house. Right? Okay, Mr. John. Right? Right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And I get through the laundry and I go in and you invite me in for a second. Right. Come on in here, Chang. And I go in. That's the only time you're allowed in that house. Right. Is that a good analogy? That's a good analogy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, you know what I did yesterday? What? My friend. I was in the green room before you got there, right? There was all guys in there. I just pulled my penis out. Good. Yeah. And everyone laughed. Yeah. Yeah. Like the old days. Yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. And I go, what's going on here, Michel? I washed your trousers. It's on the house. Please don't do this to me. And then what do you say?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I see. Yeah. Yeah. And then the next time you go to the fucking place, I'm just like wobbling around. Yeah. And you're going to still go wash my trousers. Yes. Right. That's it. That guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, it's whatever. Your choice, dude. You're the actor. Man, I've never thought I'd be standing in a place like this. Went out again? For my laundry to get done. Ain't no cowboy got time for laundry.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's existential philosophical comedy, dude. You have to think about it and ponder, dude. People don't ponder anymore. Just the Fonzies.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You sound like a lady, Cole. Lavender. What happened to riding hard and living free?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
They don't ponder anymore. Let's ponder. I know, dude. What did you ponder about today? I was able to follow you last night. Yeah. That's what I'm pondering, dude. I was scared. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're a Madison Square Garden comic now.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I feel like we're... That's the truth. Well, fellas, I reckon it's time to get our shirts back before she starts making us fold them ourselves. Don't... Wait, wait, wait. Don't want no part of the kind of work...
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
All right, let's go. Yeah, we got this from the Theo Vaughn and Spade movie. That's it. That's a funny callback. I like that. She was very good commitment. Very great. You grasped onto the Southern accent. That was really good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You followed, yeah. And God, Chris, you can act. God damn it. Thank you. Yeah. And one day... This shirt's designed to be inside out, by the way. I never questioned it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And you know, what I appreciated about it is that you haven't done one Asian accent since you've been on the show. No. Yeah, because why? Why? When you do it, you get some heat online?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And then people got mad. And they're going to be mad at that, you think?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I haven't rubbed it. Yeah, I know, I know. It's a tension headache. I know. When white people, when you have this, yeah, you got to stretch it out farther because it relieves the brain. You got to get to the temple. You know what helps?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. I do that, too, at home. I do it, too, and it feels so good. Your headache goes away. White people, I'm telling you, no matter where you are, you know what I mean? When you're in Taekwondo class or wherever you might be, at your local Chinese restaurant, if you have a headache, see right there? That guy has a headache. That's not Mickey Rooney.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And then I just said, yeah. Now, let me ask you, you're Asian, right, Jules? When you see white people behave like that, how do you feel?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's the thing. There we go. That's what we're talking about here. It's about we know each other. I make fun of white people's penises. I make fun of their dumbness. Some of their cultural misgivings. And I think if I know somebody, I feel like anything's... at play here.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Well, we have a friend, I don't want to say his name, but we have a friend that was working through that. He called me a couple of months ago, paranoid about a bunch of stuff online he was reading. He was super depressed. And I told this person, I said, don't read it. You just don't read it. I don't read anything. People go, oh, we'll read it. I don't even know. I've never been on it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. And that's how you have to live. Because if I did read it, I think it would affect me.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Ruby Tuesday. Rudy. Rudy. Ruby Cake. Ruby Cake. Hello. Oh, she's putting makeup on? Hi. Yeah. Wow. Oh, yeah. This is great. This is a special. Tiger Belly's going to do shit. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. But for bad friends, look at her. She was coming. I knew she was coming. Hello. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, I think I am. I think I am. I've been doing things that, let's be serious for a second. We're doing a lot of like, you know, this and a lot of crazy sand stuff, you know what I mean? All that stuff. But what I want to say is that there's another thing that I do is I... I was at the Chicago Improv and I was at the Schomburg Improv. I was in the green room and a waitress came.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Every green room, the club waitress, they take care of you. That's the head waitress? The head waitress. She's like, I'm going to be your waitress all weekend, whatever you need, just let me know. What's the tips? And so she goes, this is so-and-so and she's interning. And she seemed shy, but also she kind of looked me weird. She was like, she kind of looked at me like this.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And when they left, I turned to the comics in the room and go, oh yeah, she doesn't like me. And they go, what? I go, I can tell.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, I didn't. That wasn't when I did that. Yeah, I would never do that. All right. I would never do that. I would respect her too much. Okay. And that wouldn't be good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I know you did. It was my thigh. Exactly. It was your thigh. I know. Exactly. All right. So let's get that out in the clear. Yeah. But then two days later, she came up to me. She goes, hey, I just want, you know, I'm just like, I have a bad friends t-shirt. I'm a huge fan. Oh. So in my mind, I was like, oh, I make assumptions about people that aren't true.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And it's because I know growing up, I don't have to read my parents because my parents were snapper heads. Is that like a slur? Damn, snapper heads, ready to take it up all. No. For Koreans from San Diego. No, no, no. They were physically violent. Towards you. Yeah, yeah. And they would just, you know, and so every day was reading the situation and to protect myself.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Right. To like, for danger. And I do that. out in the wild, you know what I mean? And I'm tired of doing it because it's like, it's usually not true. You know what I mean? And I feel comfortable with when they don't like me. And when people like me, I feel uncomfortable, which I want to change that narrative as well.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I know that. That's a really good... I like those little... Yeah, yeah. I like those little... Just one more. Here's another one.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's what it is. Don, did you listen? That was for you. Oh, yeah. That was really good. What are you doing? What are you doing? Oh, there was a little advice I was telling him yesterday. You want me to say it? Tell him. Tell him. No. I shouldn't say it. No. Then why'd you just do that? Because I was practicing. Oh, yeah. You were practicing. That was very good, though. Very good learner.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Chris. Yes. I'll just tell you. Tell him. I could tell him. Tell him. But it has nothing to do with it. Yeah, yeah. I was just saying, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying is that, you know... When you're in a relationship, and I was telling a bunch of comics that's in the room, and you want to get out of the relationship, I can never end it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Because what you do is you have to find a window to get out. So you can force a window to open by doing some of my techniques.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to do that. Yeah. Okay. It was just an analogy. Or door to open. Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Right. Okay. So what it is, when you do the little techniques, and one of the techniques I was telling people was you want her to break up with you.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
So you do subtle things. And one of my techniques is you forget their name for a split second every time and you use a snap. Okay. Right. So you go, hey, Kathy. Right? Yeah. Hey, what are we going to eat tonight, Kathy? Right? You do that. Smart. 30 times. It seeps into their subconscious, and they don't know what's bothering them. They don't know what's bothering them, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
And that's where the windows will open. Another one. I have several of them. Smart. What? Very smart, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Tell them another one. Another one. Which one? I think I've told people this one before on this podcast before. Let's hear it, though. I haven't heard it. Okay, you haven't heard it. Right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, so you can say the same thing. Yes. This is a different river. You never step in the same river twice. Oh. Yeah, yeah. So all you have to do this is five times. Okay. So those snapping 30 times, this five times. Okay. When you orgasm, you don't make a noise. You look directly into their eyes. They have to be looking at you, right? And you orgasm with your face.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I know. In order for you to do this exercise, you have to be doing missionary. So I have to have a mirror. This is what you do, right? You look in their eyes and you go, you go like this. You go. Like that, right? If you do that five times subconsciously, right? They will break up with you. Yeah, it's terrifying. Third thing. This is a basic one. You gave them the same present twice. That's huge.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's a good one. Because they usually say, it's just a thought that counts. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care, right? Here's two oven mitts, bitch. laughter You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Right-handed and left one for Christmas. One for Christmas, the other Christmas. That's smart. Right? Very smart. Those little tints, dude, the window will open, my friend.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's great. Brilliant. She broke up with him because she wanted an engagement ring and he gave her a hundred bucks cash. Yeah. I did this once and she didn't break up with me. Sarah Hyland. She couldn't even defend. She couldn't even back it up. The actress Sarah Hyland? No, there's a different Sarah Hyland. All right. The comedian Sarah Hyland. So Sarah, we were dating for a couple of years.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
The first year she gave me a vintage ring. painting from a store, like a vintage. She likes going shopping at like antique stores and vintage, you know. And then I gave it to her the next year. You re-gifted it. I re-gifted it to her. Smart. Forgetting that she gave it to me. Right. And it was super embarrassing, but she still didn't break up with me. Right, but she really loved you.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
She's bi, sexual, and she's a very funny comic, and I love her, and she's family to me.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You know what I mean? I've had a couple of situations where lesbians have gone, dated me for a couple of years. Yes. Everyone around them have been women. So I've never really questioned that about myself. You know what I mean? What do you think of that?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I get it. I've seen you look at me like that from across the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. I can see it. I go, yeah. Interesting. His skin is made of seaweed. Let's come up with another one of these window opportunities together so I can write a book.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's got to be a split second though. Everyone knows that. If you live too much of a thing, then it's noticeable. Right. And that's why I think the snapping is very important.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I'll tell you why those don't work, because my things are subtle, right? Subtle. These will cause arguments right then and there. Subtle, right. I don't want that either. Right. You know what I mean? I don't want to like, hey, I texted you. You didn't text me. I want them not to know what's going on. Almost like there's something weird, but I don't know what it is. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's a good one. But I've had fights like that before. Right. Where they go, how come you always walk ahead of me? Right, right. Yeah, or like, you know, or have you had this happen? You're walking with your girl, right? On a beach, wherever, boardwalk, let's say, whatever. Right. At a mall, right? Sure. And you're just walking forward and a hot chick just walks in front of you.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, whoa. They would do that. They would come out like, I'm gay, I'm Tupperware? Gay, Tupperware. I don't get it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
What you're saying, we all agree with. It's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like all these things. Now, when I say these things, I don't want to be in a relationship. Why? Oh, you told me another one.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Oh, but that's different. That's different. Here's my theory okay, and I'm not a scientist as you know as you know right, and I'm not a dog you only look like one I'm emotional today you are I'm tired. I'm on the edge right. I'm gonna express myself please I believe that sperm is liquid love. Hear me out. When I'm jacked up with it, I love my girlfriend. When I release, I like my girlfriend.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
So in order for me to stay in love, you don't come. And that's what I was telling you last night. You never come.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, even I was in love with Kalilah. And even when I orgasmed with her, it's not like I hate, I love them still, but it's like, it's still less. Yeah. A little less is what I'm saying. Sure. Or am I in the shadows here?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
My checking work. I'm checking in the work at the factory. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Did you hear that? Click, click, right? And then you go, hello, Supervisor Monroe. They go, hello there, you know what I mean? Lineman. Look at this. What are you doing? Why do you have that? That's Andrew's seat. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah. It sucks. Oh, it sucks. You want to switch? No, no, no.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's liquid lust. Liquid lust. So what you're telling me is this, and maybe I'm wrong then, okay? That every time you orgasm with your, you feel the same exact way. What do you mean? You don't feel empty. Like empty, like towards her? Not just toward her, but it's just like, you know, you don't really want to cuddle as hard or whatever. You know what I mean? Hmm.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's not you, bro. I'm alone on an island. You're not on the boat? It depends on the person.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Let me ask you, your relationship with Sal Goods? Of course. But do you end it? Are you done with him?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It depends on the person. You're all liars, dude. Everyone in this, blasphemy. Yeah, yeah. Give me the book. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ, please, dear Lord, forgive these sinners. I mean, they do not know what they say or mean. They only do for public eye. Here you go. Thank you. It's insane. All right, let's go back then. Forget it. So I try to edge. That's all. I agree.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's a very male show. Right. It's on Paramount. And it's a TV show or a movie? I don't like it. TV show.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
What could I play? The Laundromat. No, the railroad. You build a railroad in the sea. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've already said this before. You know what I mean? We're in a different river, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
But I always said in the old west, I'd be opium. You'd be opium? Opium dealer. You'd live in an opium den? I'd be an opium dealer. Oh, sick. Yeah, yeah. I would get straight from China.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, no, no. Can we discuss that for a second? So let me see how that works, okay? So you come into my opium den, right? I go, right this way. You do, right? And you go, thank you so much. You're my favorite opium den, right? And we shake hands. And then when we release, I go, I got you. I got you. And then I can't.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You know what's crazy? He's the chancellor of health and he's been inside my house. Isn't that weird to think about? Isn't that wild? It's so wild that he's been- That like somebody- You've met Trump? Huh? Have you met Trump? When I was a little kid, never. Who's like the biggest politician you met? Uh- Love him. Voted him twice.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Who's the most famous guy you met? Politician? No, just in general. Newt Gingrich. Speaker of the House. Who's the biggest famous person you've met? Probably Colin Farrell. How'd you meet him? I worked with him. Doing what?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You were an actor on it? Yeah. Yeah. And you played lacrosse from him?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Was he nice? He beat me up. Was he nice? He was the nicest man. Yeah, he seemed so nice. He's the fucking greatest. Dude, how talented.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Really? And you could see you on Sugar? Yeah. You had lines and everything? I was in four episodes, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I told you last night, though. What did I say last night to you? I liked me. No, but also as an actor, you have such a distinct look. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if that was a compliment, but yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Do you think he's hit more than you, actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's way better looking than him. Yeah, good voice, too.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he doesn't look like a Greek god, though? No.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
In today's America. You're like an Italian baker to me back in the day.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Sidney Sweeney is famous. Oh, right, right. You did a movie with her too? Yeah, just now. Wow. Congratulations. Thanks, man. But you do stand-up too? Still? Debatable, but yeah. He's coming with me to San Francisco. Oh, you're doing a feature? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You have a good time. Cops, Comedy Club, shout it out. Oh, Fahim called. I'll call him back. Let's call him back. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Don't get sand crazy. I know how you get. Anyway, what'd you call me last night late at night for?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
We did a side hug photo, and I bumped my head against that. She's a wonderful girl, by the way. She's beautiful. We were complimenting her. I touched heads with her, and I came a little bit. Is that wrong?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's biological. Yeah. Thank you. So that's what you wanted to call me about.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
If you were at a zoo, let me ask you a question. You're at a zoo. You'd fall into a pit, okay? Animal pit, right? You have chimps. Would you rather fall into chimps, hyenas, or the third one's a good one. Joe Rogan zombie.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Okay. It's not good. Hang up now. With Bobby Lee? Hang up right now. Hang up right now. If you don't hang up right now, we're done. Hang up right now. Oh, you heard I said tell him I love him.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Bye. Okay. Oh, my God. Before we go, I want to say something. I have to rebuttal. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I will not go. I will not go. Yeah, you're not invited. Yeah, I'm not invited. I will not go, even if I was. I'm not going, you know. The next time I see her, right, it'll be a little different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be a little different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could have believed the attitude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It'll be political, but not as sweet. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be less. It'd be less. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not more. You're not going to touch her head. Won't be anywhere near her.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, keep her away. Yeah. Yeah, and anything to promote down your website or anything? Mustache Scott.com. I don't know. Okay, good. You're good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Chimps will rip your head off. I'll tell you my logic with the hyenas though. Tell me. You want to hear my logic? You know about hyenas? Because... What do you know about them?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Johan. Johan had something to do with it. The rest of the acts of Jehukim. But Jehukim, right, he was like Judas at that time. Yes. Right. But then like Job. Right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
That's exactly, that's the mystery. And that's what we're all asking. And theologians. Right. Right. And religious people are always asking that question.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Whoa. Let me read you my favorite. Yeah. I'll read you my favorite. I have my favorite too, dude. Oh, you want to go, dude? Here we go. Oh, my favorite parable, dude. Feroa's broken arm.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah. Oh, the seventh day of the first month in the 11th year. And I was 14 years old then. Really? By the way, a little side note. Oh. Okay. And that's when I lost my virginity. At 14? I was molested. Yes. Same thing. I have broken the arm of Feroa, king of the Egypt. Why'd he do that? Let me finish that fuckface. God damn, dude. Sea. King of Egypt. Sea, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It has not been immobilized for healing, nor set with a splint to make it strong enough to grasp a sword. And when they say sword, they mean dick. Yes. Back then. You know what I mean? The sword is a symbol of dick. Parable. It's a parable, dude. You know what I mean? And you can't grasp yours. You have to use two fingers. Right? We grasp. Yeah, we grasp. Carlos has a little dick? No, no, no.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It's what Andrew likes. Anyway, you click, click, click. Opens up his butt. Okay. I know. He has back aches. Oh, my God. He has a spinal disc. What a gay little boy. He has a gay disc. He has a little gay disc in his back. He's a gay. They're dismantled. What a crybaby, huh? He really is. What if he hit his head on the toilet, remember? Yeah. Like a crybaby. How'd he hit his head on the toilet?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Fully erect. Like a penguin hand? Yeah. And I don't know how you got your wife pregnant, but that's a mystery. With style. Are you having a baby? All the style. You had a baby already? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just jammed your gummy penis into their vag? Wow.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Okay, nice. Jules, would you read Chris DiStefano, our guest, a parable of your choosing, please?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Yeah, yeah. But anyway, what did you learn from that parable, Jules?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, that's not what the parable was. Somebody killed a daughter, right? And then she killed the royal family. Not her family.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
So Jimmy O. Yang, Ronnie Chang, Dr. Ken. They're on my hit list. Margaret Cho. Who are your rivals that you're going to kill?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Just because... Maybe I'd kill... I think kills are harsh. Let's reframe. Kill Tony. Okay. That's not funny. You edited that part out. I don't like it. It's a play on words. I don't like it. Yeah, you don't like it. Right, right. So how about this, okay? You're in an elevator. Okay. You see people running to get in. It's closing. Okay. Sometimes you put your hand in. Right. Right, to stop it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Right. But who would you let it close? Who would I let it, whose face? Who would you close on? Right in front of their face. So what I would do, I'll just, and it has nothing to do with how I feel about them. I would just do it for a laugh. Who would you do? Fortune Feimster. Fortune Feimster. All right, so you're an elevator now. Who would you? Who's running toward?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Why? Oh, 9-11? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 9-11. I'm a hack, I'm a hack. No, I like it. Yeah. But I like it because I love him. Right, but so here's the thing. The reason I would do it to him is he wouldn't be, even when he's mad, he's not mad. No. He's too nice. And he was with a beautiful girl last night. Oh my, holy moly. Is that his girlfriend, I guess? It's a girl that he is seeing, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
She's beautiful. Holy moly. Holy moly. I hugged her so hard last night. I hugged her so hard. And I think he called me at one in the morning. I swear to God. And I didn't pick up because I think it's about the hug.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
No, we did a head, like here's what, we did a side hug. Yeah. But then her head hit my head. Yeah. And we touched heads like this, right? And I think our heads fucked.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
He got all woozy. Like, ooh, I'm redheaded. I get woozy. You know what I mean? He falls over. With a nerd swing. Ooh, this is so good. Wait, what's mine? The Vietnamese one. What's yours? A white man's one. Mine is... Dude, dude. Because Andrew's not here, you're going to... I like it. Yeah. What'd he say? I can't do this today, man. I'm so tired.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
They really do. They get sand crazy, dude, right? Right, right, right, right. And they start thinking of crazy things, you know what I mean? Like taking a bag and putting some sort of contraption in it and just putting it on the side of the road, right? They get sand crazy, dude, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You think he does it with it? Yeah, you know, I envision him putting a mask, right? Having a pole, right? And then having someone dressed like Luke Skywalker. You know what I mean? Oh, God. You remember that movie? Yeah. The New Hope? Yeah. On Tatooine? Why are we attacking such a nice guy? He's a great guy. My point is that- And he's got a beautiful girlfriend. So we hit heads. I came, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
He called at one in the morning, right? And I didn't pick up because I knew that's what it was about. Right. Like, why'd you fuck my fucking girl's head?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
He auditioned or I don't know. He should do it. But not only should he do it, he's the best writer on the West Coast.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Fahim at 1211 he called. What do you want to talk about? I don't know.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
You want to do it? Yeah, I do. Because I want to say to people right now, I have empathy, great empathy for the people that lost their homes.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
I'm letting you stay at my house because of the fire. Right. Because Kalilah's house was in Altadena and they still can't get there. Right. So the dogs and you can stay at my house forever.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
It got saved, but they can't go into the area. Got it. Okay. Because of the lead. What? Because of looters? Carlos, what?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Break Up Tips
Because of the fucking chemicals and stuff that's in the air, man. Oh. God, dude. I don't know about chemicals, man. Yeah. Anyway, so then what happened?
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
Christmas, Christmas. Dude, imagine if you walked into a lounge and you heard this was a lounge act.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
Imagine being depressed on Christmas and walking into here like, Christmas, Christmas. Thank you for being a bad friend. That's so funny. Christmas, Christmas.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Fucking no. No. Okay, ich verstehe es. Ja. Weißt du was, Dude? Das ist, warum ich denke, du und ich verbinden. Wir fühlen uns, wir waren verabschiedet. Wir waren sehr verabschiedet. Ja, ja. Die Verabschiedung war echt. Aber ich möchte sagen, und ich habe das viele Male gesehen, und du kannst nicht unterscheiden. Manche Shows, die wir zusammen gemacht haben, sind auf der Straße.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Du gehst immer in die Audienz, weil du willst sehen, ob ich schlecht mache.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Carlos just winked at that. No, he doesn't know that. That's not true.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Take that back right now. You do this thing. You're doing what he's doing. Yeah, what's going on?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, no, it's good. You do it really well, though. Tell me like... I think I know what you're talking about. Say you hate cheesecake. Be like, I hate cheesecake.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Like you. I don't like cheesecake. That's because you've never had the best cheesecake. You don't know about cheesecake. People like you. You do that. Where like immediately the opposite side, you just... Give me one example when I did that. You just did it. Tell me. Go back. You go out there to see if I do bad. I've never ever done that. I would never. Yeah, I wouldn't.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Every time I go out there though, there's always a hot woman. die entweder aus der Schuhe kommen und zu mir kommen und immer sagen, ja, dein Junge ist heiß. Ist es eine Frau auf Geburtstag? Was meinst du? Ist es eine Frau auf Geburtstag? Nein, das sind wirklich traditionelle Frauen. Traditionelle? Aus dem christlichen Sinn. They cook and they clean?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, yeah. Let's go science, though. You! Bollicules! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Math. Go! Da Vinci's Code! Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wir sind dran. Schock mich, Alter. Schock dich mit was? Schock mich mit was. Was meinst du? Gib mir noch einen. Ja, verdammte Entschärfung. Nein.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
In the Christian sense, that they are beautiful women. Probably 30 or 40 times in my life they've said, your boy is hot and you've never gotten that from me, so fuck off. That's not true. Name me one example when a girl goes, I think your boy is hot.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh girl, well no, okay. We have a lot of guys that like you though. The amount of men that have a crush on you is staggering.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I can tell by my Facebook. I'm on a Facebook, you know what I mean? Dating thing. You know how Facebook is a dating thing?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, I think it's for old people. But it's like, there's also dating and social friends. So when I click on who wants to be my friend, it's 2,000 just buff, tattooed fucking dudes going, I want to be your friend. What's it called?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Facebook Date, huh? Dating Facebook. Yeah, it's a real thing. But you're celibate now. Yeah, 100%. No more. No more. No more dating, nothing. Nothing, I'm celibate. I would love to see a financial breakdown of you when you're dating and when you're not dating. How much money you spend on a dating month versus a non-dating month.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Well, I spent like $500 at Spearmint Rhino last night. You said $200. I gotta dance too. Nick! N-Y-K-D! Nick! Nicotine Pouches! Guys, you want a cool flavor in your mouth? I do. With a little bit of nicotine? I do. We have flavors like citrus ice, berry lemon ice, spearmint, wintergreen. They're all good. Crisp mint. I love crisp mint. Dude, I like crisp in general. Yeah, you're a big crispy guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Nein? Nein, ich will nicht über Carlos' Examen hören. Ja, ja. Ich ging zum Arzt. Er sagte, ich muss von Leuten wie Carlos wegstehen. Das sagte der Arzt. Ja. Er sagte, ein großer Fan des Shows. Schau den Podcast. Bleib von Carlos weg. Weil er noch nie einen Tetanus-Schuss gehabt hat. Ja. In Jahren. Du bist auf.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Andrew, we're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care and more. Yep, we're old.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
We're getting older and you gotta get a doctor. And when I moved into a new neighborhood, I didn't want to go back to my old doctor because I didn't want to drive over there. And also, he was a little creepy, if I'm being honest. I wanted someone new and better and younger and smarter and I found it thanks to ZocDoc. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance or located nearby.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
und sind ein guter Fit für jede medizinische Bedürfnis, die Sie haben. Sie haben einen klubben Fuß wie Bobby. Du hast zwei klubben Füße. Du hast zwei klubben Füße. Zwei Klubben. Geh zum Klub. Und sie sind hochwertig von verifizierten Patienten. Das ist wahrscheinlich die hilfreichste Sache. Du siehst jemanden, einen echten Menschen, die sagt, das ist die Erfahrung, die ich hatte. Ich mag es sehr.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
And appointments made through ZocDoc, guys, also happens fast. Typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
ZocDoc.com slash badfriends. Talkspace. You know guys, as a kid I went through massive amounts of trauma and without my therapy through Talkspace, I wouldn't have been able to work them out like EMDR and literally talking to somebody about it. It really lifts all that weight from your body.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Untertitelung aufgrund der Audioqualität nicht möglich. They're the leading virtual therapy provider. It makes getting the help that you need easy, accessible and affordable. And we've talked about it before. You can do it from anywhere. Your car, your house, Bobby loves his bathtub, a rooftop, anywhere.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Diese Frau schaute auf den Boden. Ja. Ist das ein Geist? Ist das dein Großvater? Und sie meinte, was redest du da?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Let's get in there, bud. Let's get in there, bud. I went to the Sherman Oaks Spearmint Rhino last night. At like one in the morning. I was so lonely. I was sitting, I was watching, you know how I keep watching Great British Break Off? So good. So I was season 8 again, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und sie meinte, das ist dumm. Ich mache Leute lachen. Dann ist es mehr enttäuschend. Und ich sage immer, du weißt, ich werde dir einen Tipp geben. Sie meinte, ich habe nichts gemacht. Ich weiß, aber ich will dir wissen, dass ich bin. Ich gebe dir einen Tipp. In Bezug auf das Gyraten und so. Ja, mehr Gyrations. Ich liebe Gyrations. Ich bin in einer Phase, in der ich denke, dass... Ein paar Dinge.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
What photo? You never looked that happy with me. You with Bong Joon-ho.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Now you sound like him. That's how that feels. You know what it is? Bong makes you nervous, huh? He made me nervous.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay, but can I tell you the embarrassing thing that happened? And I left early.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Did I tell you what happened? You called me on the phone and I was like, you should just go back. No, so I'm sitting there, so I'm with, you know, Scoot and Sosie.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
And Scoot, you know, he was in, I forgot Scoots last name. He was in A Complete Unknown. Woody Guthrie. He played Woody Guthrie. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Scoot's so talented, right? So Scoot and I, so I'm standing there with Bong. I'm going to get to a story. And then I take a photo with Bong. I meet his son. Everyone's super nice to me.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und einer seiner Produzenten meinte, vielleicht benutzen wir ihn für so etwas. Aber das wird nicht passieren. Aber jetzt kommt Scoot rein und ich und SoC backen ab. Wir reden nur zwischen uns. Hörst du? Nein. Du hast mir das schon erzählt. Ja, ich erzähle dir die Geschichte. So we're sitting there talking and then this director comes up. I'm going to tell you who it is. Say it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
She told me who was the director. I didn't even know who he was. So he walks up and he goes, and I forgot what it was, but he goes, I love you in Dilithium or something like that to me. I go, oh, thank you. You were good in Dilithium. And he goes, so then he goes, my daughter especially likes your performance in that. You know, you're really good. Und ich so, oh ja, gut.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und so lege ich mich hin und nehme einen Taco von jemandem mit einem Tray. Und dann sagt Sose, was ist er so nervös? Ich sage, nichts. Der Direktor ist noch da. Und sie sagt, war es Live-Action oder Animation? Ich sage, Live-Action. Und dann sagt der Kerl, nein, es war Animation. Er sagt, du warst nicht in dem, warst du?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und dann sagt er, warum lügst du? Ich sage, ich weiß nicht, was noch zu tun. Er geht weg. Sosy ist rot wie ein... Du hast nichts falsch gemacht. Ja, ich habe es gemacht. Ich war nicht in Dylithium oder so. Ja, du warst in Dylithium. Ich konnte nur sagen, du hast es falsch gemacht. Aber warum habe ich gesagt, ja? Weil du warst in Dylithium. Ich war nicht. Er erinnert sich nicht. Ja, anyway.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und dann war es so wütend. Ich und Sosy. Und ich wurde wütend. Ich war so wütend. If you hadn't asked if it was live action or animation, right? Let it go. I grabbed to get a taco from the thing. That was your out. She said, I didn't read it. I go, yeah, you should have. You should have. You fucked me.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
And I'm like, I know who gets, you know, every episode I know who gets, you know what I mean, the star baker, I know who gets, you know what I mean, let go, I know who gets the handshake. I was sitting there and my penis was out. At Great British Break Off? No, I was watching it, I was just naked. Yeah. And I'm sitting there slumped over watching it and going, Yeah, I'm going. You gotta go.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
But also, who asks if it was live action or animation? Who gives a shit? She buried you. Because she was nervous, too. Because she knew that you weren't in Dilithium. That's why. She knew your credits. She goes, Bobby wasn't in Dilithium.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I wonder what it was called. Maybe I'll text her. Anyway, so I'm... This is more remarkable. This is more remarkable. Can I tell? Yeah. So, you know, these... Gott, Alter. Es ist Ozympie. Ich weiß, ich weiß. Es ist Ozympie. Es ist nicht Vomit. Ich weiß. Es ist nur pure Vomit. Ich weiß, aber es ist PTSD. Es ist Vomit Air. Ja, von oben. Ja, ja, ja. Ich habe es verpasst. Ja, ich habe es verpasst.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Also, was ich sage, ist, dass... Gib mir die Chills. Also, manchmal werde ich zu Fancy Asian Events eingeladen. Ja. Weißt du, was ich meine? Du machst das. Mafia-Schiss. So wie das. Ja, so wie das. Das ist Mafia-Schiss. Also, ich gehe zu diesem Event. Dieser koreanische Kerl... Super nett. Er kommt zu mir und sagt, du bist ein Legend. Das ist, was er zu mir sagt.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Schucks. Das ist, was ich sage. Schucks. Er sagt, ich bin in der Hochschule mit deinem Sohn Andrew gegangen. Und ich sage, oh ja? Aber nicht in der gleichen Klasse. Er sagt, nein, in der gleichen Klasse. Oh cool. Und er sagt, ich weiß nicht, ob er mich kennt. What the fuck?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I know, but that's what he said. He goes, I don't know if he remembers me. Remembers me, yeah. But I go, well, how close were you? He goes, um, we were on the same basketball team. We played basketball together. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. Doug. Doug, right? Doug Schuck. Yeah, and I go, well, has Andrew reached out to you since you've been in LA? He goes, nah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Nein, und dann hast du gesagt, hast du ihm rausgekommen? Und was hat er gesagt? Du bist in der Position der Macht. Du solltest rauskommen. Zuerst einmal, er ist ein sehr mächtiger Produzent in Hollywood. Du hast es mir selbst gesagt.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Er ist einfach mächtig geworden. Okay. Okay. Du verstehst nicht, was ich sage, Dude. Sieh, das ist... Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein. This is not Trump.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
What you don't understand. What you don't understand. You could reach out to Doug Suck. You should be reaching out. Why aren't you reaching to Doug?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Is it because he's Asian? Can I ask you guys this though? Are there positions of power? Zum Beispiel, als ich an diesem Event war, ging Bong zu mir.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich weiß nicht, was ich da tue. Alter, es ist so gut. Ich schwöre, ich habe keinen Bock mehr. Es funktioniert.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Du machst Trumpian-Schiss. Du fliegst einfach weg. Sie gehen zu mir. Weil du diesen Mann so schlecht behandelt hast.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Nein, das ist eine Lüge. Er hat mich literally angerufen und Bobby hat gesagt, ich habe ihn gefragt, hast du mit Andrew gesprochen? Er hat gesagt, nein. Und er hat gesagt, ich habe nicht wirklich getroffen. Er weiß wahrscheinlich nicht, dass ich hier bin. Das ist literally, was er gesagt hat.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Aber nicht wütend über das nächste Teil. Bitte nicht wütend über das nächste Teil. Und ich will nicht, dass das ausgeschlossen wird, Andreas. Weil, weißt du, manchmal muss die Wahrheit gesagt werden. Ja, sag die Wahrheit. Sie sagt, oh, was macht er da? Ich sage, ich glaube, er produziert Minori, den Steven-Yun-Film. Und dieser Kerl sagt,
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
As if to go... Maybe I didn't... Is that what I said? This is really good of you lying. I'm really not done. I go, he produced Minori? And then you go, I don't know, man. I had to fucking look it up. I don't fucking know. So then I looked it up going, he did? That's wild. Yeah, but when he did, he went... The tone was this.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I went in there and there was only four people working. It's almost as if it was not even open.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Maybe he reached out now. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Let's move on. I thought, that's interesting that he produced Minority. Do you hear that?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, my point is, you are wrong. My point is, I didn't know he was a producer.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich bin hier seit Jahren. Keine Verbindung. Wir waren nicht Freunde. Wie bist du nicht Freund mit jemandem, mit dem du auf einem Basketball-Team bist? Meine Hochschule hatte 3.000 Leute. Es gibt 3.000 Leute auf einem Basketball-Team? Was für ein Basketball ist das?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, it was 1 in the morning I said. You don't listen, do you guys? I've been at 4pm before. I can't tell you why.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
And you're not even fucking real. You're not even a good friend now. Anyway, let's move on. Let's move on. Exactly, thank you. Tony Matusi, look up Tony Matusi. What's his phone number? Bring in his phone number. I want to see the last time you texted with him. I don't need to text him, he lives in my house. In a spare room. Anyway.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Let's calm ourselves for a second. I want to be the voice of reason. Okay, and I want to calm this level down.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You know what I mean? The streets thing. So, what I want to say is, stop, calm down. I'm from the suburbs.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
How come you didn't connect with this guy from high school from 25 years ago? We don't fucking know each other. I don't know anybody who went to high school. I know three people from high school.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Because you weren't friends with certain kinds of people in high school. That's true. Can I ask you another question?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Without anger. How many Koreans were at your school in high school? Ich weiß es gar nicht. Das ist richtig. Eine gute Anzahl. Er wusste es nicht. Es waren mehr Schwarze und Indische. Er wusste es nicht, weil er es nicht mag. Es gibt 62.000 koreanische Spieler in Chicago. Das ist nichts. Er hätte es nie gekannt. 62.000 ist nichts.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Das ist richtig. Es ist wie eine Anomalie. Also, wenn es einen Unicorn auf meinem Wrestling-Team gäbe, würde ich den Unicorn kennen. Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I know unicorns. I used to be friends with unicorns. They're the greatest of corns. So if you have one Korean on your fucking basketball, how many Koreans play basketball? Almost none. It's like having Doc play fucking badminton.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, maybe. That's my point. If the one Korean of all of Illinois played basketball, you would put that ingrained in your mind. He's not even Korean. That's the worst part about him.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
About 20 years ago there was a group of comics, male comics, that would go on lunch runs.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
He's producing Minori 2. Okay. Anyway. Doug, good to meet you. Maybe we can do some work together.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, Doug, how come you didn't reach out to me, buddy? You come to my fucking city, you don't reach out to me? Ich weiß nicht, es ist Power-Dynamik, aber wir gehen weiter. Was ist Power-Dynamik? Oh Gott.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Du magst Power. Ich liebe es. Ich liebe, was du tust. Oh, das ist dieses Art von Episode. Wir haben das noch nie gemacht. Das ist das, was du tust. Du liebst Power Dynamics. Wenn ich dir was beibringen muss, muss ich dir was beibringen. Was ist mit Power Dynamics? Ich war in Dallas ein paar Wochen vor. Ich ging zu einem Zwölf-Stepp-Meeting. Es war ein lokaler Meeting.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Nachher trinken Leute draußen. Ich sagte, hey, möchtest du eine Freundschaft? Das ist das, was wir machen. Wir sind alle zu einem Denny's gegangen. Me and these local AA people.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, there wasn't. It was late, right? And then I got the bill. And they were all like, hey, dude, there's eight of us. I go, I know power dynamics. They go, we don't know that. I go, yeah, it's like, I had to give them this example.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
It's like when you take eight other addicts to a Denny's after... No, no, no.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Can you just listen to my point? That's what it is. So if I go out to eat with David Spade, I have never paid.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Good wings, yeah. I love the prime rib. You know what I mean? When they're naked up there and you're eating prime rib, dude. Oh my God.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You believe in equal pay. I'm gonna do it too. Okay, well, McCone, after this, let's go to Mastro's and you pay for the bill. He can now. He can afford it. No, he can't. Yeah, he can. Would you be able to afford $500 to pay for all three of us?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Aber es wäre eine Sache in deiner Meinung, warum ich bezahle. Genau. Aber du musst lernen. Nein, es geht nicht um Lernen. Du musst lernen. Du musst bezahlen.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You're his boy for life and I get it. Okay? I get it. Let's move on now because I'll tell you. We went from Grease to Doug. To Power Dynamics. We went from Grease to Doug and it was too much. So let's go back to musicals. That's fine. Okay, we don't like it. And there's some movies that I have not seen that were classics. Das sind Musiker. Nein, im Allgemeinen, wie Eyes Wide Shut.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
There is nothing better than seeing a nice pair of boobs and having potatoes au gratin. Yeah. With a little bit of filet, a little filet on the side.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich habe es noch nie gesehen. Was? Das ist ein bisschen seltsam.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich habe es noch nie gesehen. Das ist ein guter Film. Ich mag Masken bei Partys. Nein, nein, nein. Ja, ja. Ja, du machst es. Ja, du machst es. Covid-Masken? Ja, ich will nicht krank werden.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay, no, that joke really hit me at home. It hit. Because it was good. It worked. It did work. The kid's got some zingers. He got some zingers, but it was real brutal.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Well, hit him back. I won't, because that's not who I am. That's not who I am. What? Power dynamics.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You don't punch down. You don't punch down. You only punch up. But that was very funny. Eyes wide shut. Okay.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I think it does look good. And also... Just wait. Just wait for me to be the hottest man on the show.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
But you know, we know the genetics. So you can do whatever you want. Put Botox, fill your head. So you don't think he's a handsome guy at all? No matter what he does? He's sort of like a UN kind of a look.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah. But last night I went and I literally was like, I just left. Wie viel Geld verwendest du, wenn du... Ich glaube, ich habe 200 Dollar mit den Tickets gekostet. Und ich habe nicht mal die Frauen gesehen, sondern ich habe sie auf der Bühne gesehen. Und ich habe mich überlegt, oh, das ist nicht gut. Nicht gut. Ja, also bin ich zurück in den Auto gegangen.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
In der Embassy, aber er ist die fünfte Reihe von Leuten, die Noten nehmen. Du bist nicht ein Leiter, aber du bist involviert. Du verdienst wahrscheinlich 90.000 Euro pro Jahr international.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Kanzler. Ja, Kanzler. Kanzler, heute müssen sie diese Parkplätze anmelden. Er macht viele Papier-Pushes. Hey, they found this mummy with gold.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Look up... Oh, we gotta talk about Giza, too. What about the Giza?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Do you guys know what happened? No. Are you fucking out of your minds, dude?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Google it. What happened in Giza? The pyramids. Did they fall? No, dude. Oh, the under... Yeah, the under. The under.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
It is true. What is this? A vast underground city was found below Egypt's Giza Pyramids. Look at the pillars. Surprise, surprise. Look at the pillars, though. Do they look like 9-11?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Alright. So what they discovered... Zoom into that photo. There's two mile long these fucking tubes that go down with these spiral staircases that go down into other compartments two miles down. Two miles? Two miles down, dude. Google that. Two miles. Go to the article so I can read it. It's in kilometers. I don't know the... Oh, two kilometers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many miles down is it?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay. Speculating an entire city buried under the great pyramids of Giza. Speculating. Right. Okay. A team of Italian and Scottish scientists? I'm out. No, no. Okay, zoom back up. There has to be a city underneath the Giza. I mean, come on.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, that's very funny. The Italians? You're very good at accents. So this is what they discovered. What is that? They have technology where they have infrared technology where they can scan things. And this is what they're scanning. The technology is legit. Go to the article, please.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
420 miles above the, wait, the team relied on two satellites 420 miles in outer space to come down. Go down, I want to see how far down they go underground. 6500 feet across. They go down approximately 2100 feet. How much is that? 2100 feet is just under like a half a mile. Okay, I was wrong. Half a mile is long. Dude, half a mile is so long. It's so long. That's so fucking deep.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Right. And then below that, though, are these other buildings.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Well, you're not going to like him after this. Former Minister of Antiquities called out the research, said it was completely wrong and was fake news. I don't like him. He said it's not correct.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
One guy. Ich meine, Rogan spricht darüber und er ist meistens richtig.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ist er? Professor Lawrence Connors, ein professioneller geophysiologischer Archäologe und Radar-Experte, hat die Theorie der großen Stadt unter den Pyramiden verabschiedet. Das ist nur eine große Überzeugung. Also, viele dieser Leute sagen Nein, Nein. Okay. Aber ich glaube an dich. Also, wenn du mir sagst, dass es da ist, glaube ich, dass es da ist.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Well, I've been doing a lot of researching on my own time. You are? Yeah. Via through the internet. Right, via the internet. Right, via the internet. And I've come to a conclusion. I believe that it's half correct at least. Would you ever live in an underground city? I have dreams about it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh my God, I think about it all the time. Yeah. I have dreams about it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Wie Goonies das Wasserfall gefunden haben, ich wollte das so sehr. Ich auch. Was hättest du da unten?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
It would look like above ground, you mean? Above ground. So I would have panels, right? Like, you know, IMAX. Tricking people into thinking they're out there. To think that it's outside. Because I'm going to have dogs down there. Right? So I'll have my dogs down there. Can they survive? Yeah, because it's going to be vast.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You're going to have grass underground? Yeah. How do you grow it?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah. It's very dark, gothic. Very gothic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then what else... Yeah, I would also have, um... Wie in einem Steam Room Situation. Weißt du was ich meine? Was? Ja, ja.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, but I want them to know that there's more coming. If you throw out a 20 and then that's what they do, you're like, oh, you can't go past that. So if you go 12, right, and then you look at them and go... Then they go, what? In their eyes, right? And I go, you want more? Right? A little more? Dann machen sie das und ich sage, es sind noch zwei. Und dann legen sie den Kopf hinter den Kopf.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Kann ich dich fragen, warum machen wir das unter dem Boden? Es könnte über dem Boden sein. All diese Sachen könnten über dem Boden sein.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Weil ich in meinen Fantasien etwas falsch gemacht habe. Okay. Ja, ich habe etwas falsch gemacht auf der Erde. Du bist ein Mann auf dem Weg. Ja, ich bin ein Mann auf dem Weg, aber ich habe Billionen von Dollar in meiner Fantasie. Also bilde ich diese unter dem Boden Stadt. So viel wie Lex Luthor im originalen Superman-Film.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Wie kriegst du Leute da runter? Wie überzeugst du Leute, da runter zu gehen?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ja, ich habe einen Lama, einen Hund. Weißt du was ich meine? Andere Dinge.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Hey, Cubs. Hey. What do you think? Do you think that the polar ice caps are actually melting like a surprise? Right, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah. Factor! Oh my lord. With Factor you're getting mu la la high cuisine.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh, hi cuisine. Two minute meals, man. It's so good. Honestly, factory meals arrive fresh and ready to eat. Perfect for any active lifestyle. And look, we're on the move. I know you're on the move, people at home. You got kids, you got jobs, you got hobbies, you got friends, you got stuff you need to do. So you gotta get factory.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
That's right. Our good friend McCone here in the studio loves Factor and he eats them so much. Honestly, I'm getting tired of hearing about it. We love it too, but this guy brags about it constantly. He's like, is there any more Factor? Is there more Factor? No, dude, stop stealing our Factor. Yeah. Okay, give it to us.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
And those at home, get started at factormeals.com slash badfriends50off and use code badfriends50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
What's your dog's trigger word? They don't understand any of my words. Really? Yeah. Stop, they don't know. No, they don't know. They don't know any of it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
It's funny. Yeah. My dog is insane. If I say, your boyfriend is coming this weekend, she knows it's my cousin. It's my cousin Luke that comes and watches sometimes. I'll go, I think your boyfriend is going to be here this weekend. She'll be dead asleep. And I'll go, I think your boyfriend might come by.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Nein. Ich vertraue Luke nicht. Ich bin so gespannt. Nein, er ist der Beste. Oh, er ist, oh ja.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Sie springt runter und stürzt aus dem Fenster, als würde er schon da sein. Oh, mach nicht das.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Das ist verdammt. Du musst sie an den Beinen halten. Ist jemand da? Nein. Nein, ich habe nur einen Kaffee getrunken. Okay. Ich habe eine Frau-Stimme gehört.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Because I've been in here sometimes, working after hours, and I just feel an eerie feeling in my stomach. I understand. Somebody was killed here. I understand. But whom?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You don't think people die in the 80s? Ich denke, Hauntungen dauern immer. Ein Geist aus 1989, der einfach Coke trinkt. Ja, vielleicht.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Er macht so... Ja, ja, vielleicht. Was hörst du noch am Abend?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Das ist, was ich tue. I'll be sleeping. And I'll take my phone, put the light on. You know what I mean? The light. And zoom my room.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
See, that's creepier to me. Because then the shadows from the nooks and the crannies... I know, but if I saw a woman like this... I don't know. You're like, Lady, I'm celibate. You gotta get out of here. What is that? Orbs? Ghost orbs. Dude, I've seen orbs. I've seen orbs.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und dann, weißt du was ich meine? Was ist das? Pressen Sie den Elevator-Button?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh, you know what? Orbs, dude? I'll tell you about orbs. You want to know everything about orbs? I don't know much about it, but so there was a comic named Charles Fleischer.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
He was before your time, but when I did the, in the early 2000s, he was around a lot. And he was the voice of Roger Rabbit.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, so Fleischer, so Fleischer would be in the green room, in the main room, and he'd have his cameras out, several cameras, to fucking take photos of alien orbs or different ghostly orbs. Whoa. And he would show me like, hey Lee, look. He always called me Lee. Look, Lee. Lee, look, there's orbs in here. Und wir dachten immer, dass es ein bisschen ungesund war, weil wir gleich aufstehen werden.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Es ist wie ein Klett, ein Klett drücken 8 auf einem Elevator. Ich nehme es hoch bis 8? Ja, ich nehme es hoch bis 8 und er sagt, 8. Und dann versuche ich, hoch zu gehen. I always do. I always pretend I'm going up, right? Bring, and then the door opens, I go, oh, wrong floor. Press it again. Oh. And they press 12, right? Right. I go back up, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ihr seid gleich auf der Bühne? Ja, ja, ja. Und der Fleischmann... Aber er war wirklich in das. Ist er noch da? Ja, also er war ein Teil von dem... Oh, ich fühle mich so schlecht über das.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Nein, er ist wach. Er ist wach, nein. Warum sagst du nicht? Ja, er war ein Teil von dem Grupp, als Adam Egan überging. Und er hat das fucking brutal... Weißt du, was ich meine? Clean House.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Das ist der Grund, warum Leute immer Booker und Loser hassen, weil sie all das Gruntwerk machen müssen. Wie diese Jungs. Sie machen all das Gruntwerk und wir hassen sie.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Können wir kurz über Adoleszenz sprechen? Ich weiß, du kannst, aber... Unglaublich.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I've heard this. I heard about the rehearsal process. It's insane.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
What the fuck were we doing at 13? I don't know. Oh, Stephen Graham's in that. I love it. He's incredible. He wrote it, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
That's Brad Pitt. No, that's the kid. Actor Jamie... Wait, wait. Owen Cooper.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
He's never done anything about this? Good for him. It's nice to get a break out the gate. Just like us. That's what we had. Big breaks.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Each episode is literally one shot. And I don't think there's any cheats. I think it's one shot. They do two takes, I heard. No.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ten takes, yeah, so two shots a day. They do two shots, right.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Sie wählen es. Ja. Okay. Sie könnten es nicht in einer Stunde machen. Das wäre verrückt. Das wäre unmöglich. Wir könnten es machen. Ja. Oh, also es gibt immer diesen einen Mann, der 30 Minuten lang ist, der zwei Läufe hat. Wenn ich dieser Mann wäre, wie hinter einem Wall, weißt du, dass ich kommen musste.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
What's Yagsi Yabor? Yagsi Yabor is my friend. He's from Israel and he's dead. Oh man. I'm just improvising. That's not a bad thing. That has nothing to do with the conflict. Yagsi Yabor, you are like your funny hat.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Das ist wahr, oder? Ich würde meine Läufe wiederholen. You know what I mean? Welcome back to the hotel. Welcome back to the hotel. You making fun of the wrong Missy? No. Yeah, you're doing the wrong Missy thing?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, dude, I was throwing out a fucking line. I don't know. What Missy thing? What are you saying? What are you talking about?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Fucking Marcelo did that too, Hernandez, two weeks ago. I love that kid. He's like, you've been in movies? Great job on Wrong Missy. Welcome to the hotel. So fuck you. What's his problem? Your problem. Anyway. Welcome to the hotel. Okay. But here's what I want people to know. I'm not going to tell you what the premise of the thing is. People basically know.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
But, you know, when I first saw it, because I knew nothing about it, I thought it was a whodunit.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, I never do. You never get to your floor. Well, it's a large building. It's a big building. Tall building, dude. Es ist 3.000 Meter hoch. Wow! Ja, ja. Und ich bin noch nie zu 1.000. Nein, das kannst du nicht. Das kannst du nicht. Oh, du kannst es. Ein Wille. Okay. Ein Wille. Ich bringe eine Veränderung, wenn ich in den Strepp-Club gehe. Wirklich? Du trittst da Penner hoch? Nein, Quartiere.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yes. Right. And with that lens, it doesn't work with that lens, right? But then when you look at it for what it is, it's brilliant.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
See, it's interesting because now there's a lot of murder mysteries are back now. Like the Shonda Rhimes show is very popular. It's like Clue meets Knives Out. Right.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Das ist das, was wir tun müssen. Denn ehrlich gesagt, wie viel Spaß würde es sein, wenn McCone tot war?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich wäre zuerst zu ihm gegangen, aber es ist zu einfach. Du weißt, was ich meine? Er ist ein Verbrecher und du brauchst ihn. Er muss ein schädlicher Charakter sein, den du taggen kannst und sagen kannst, dieser Kerl könnte es machen. Schau dir den Lebensstil an, den er lebt. Schau, was er ist.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
That's interesting. Who does it at the end? Jules. Jules is too predictable.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Too predictable. McCone, no, you don't have the balls. And that's what we'll say.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You're the one that's dead. Yeah. How can you kill yourself? Oh, that's the whodunit? Hey. He just killed himself, guys. By the way, what a huge letdown.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
The biggest letdown ever. That would be like the worst M. Night Shyamalan spin of all time. He's got a rope around his head and you're like, who's doing it? He's just sitting there jerking off like... Chokes himself out.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Alright, so this is what you need though in this, right? It can't just be us. We have to have like maybe 20 people flowing in and out of it. A cast of people, yeah, to come and go. Yeah, and then, I don't know who does it. I would think that maybe Jesse.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You think Jetski would do it? She's a tough sell for me. Like, she don't know if she has that evil flip.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
So Dax have to be in the show. Yeah. He's somebody that people are like, maybe, you know, but I think ultimately the biggest surprise would be you.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I'm the murderer? Yeah. Now that lines up. You and I can't be the murderer. It seems too obvious. That one of us is the murderer. Bring in your brother Steve. Andreas? Andres also doesn't have the balls. He doesn't have the balls. He's a big talker, small walker. I have the resentment, though. Well, that's why you're a good suspect. That's how these things work.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Like any police investigator would be like, well, this guy fucking did it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah. For sure. Yeah, it would have to be someone like... Oh mein Gott, ich weiß, wer das gemacht hat.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Das wäre der größte Schock. Ich glaube, du hast recht. Das wäre der größte Schock. Du siehst mich in einer Wohnung mit einem Knopf.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und dann entferne ich meine eigene Haut, um zu beweisen, dass ich Bobby-Mama bin.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Unterhalb. Das ist lustig. Und das ist ihre Linie. Sie holt sie aus.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich bin Bobby-Mama. Aber es gibt keinen Motiv. Keiner. Warum würde sie McConaughey töten? Sie weiß gar nicht, ob McConaughey existiert.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Es ist egal, sie kommt einfach auf ihr iPad zurück. Oh, wow, wow. Ja, aber das ist der Art von Film, den ich mag. Vielleicht, ja. Lass es den Publikum finden, warum, was ist der Grund? Ja.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Was ist das für eine Tiefe? Und ich entdecke es. Du weißt es. Ich entdecke es am Ende. Ja. Und ich habe eine wirklich fucking Szene. Oh, du bist emotional.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Quartiere? Ja, ja. Na, denk dran. Du trittst einen Dollar hoch. Das sind nur vier Quartiere. Das ist wahr. Ich tritt 50 Quartiere hoch. Ich sehe aus wie ein König.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Do it again. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Please do it. I'm not in the mood. Please do it. And the line is, welcome to the hotel. Okay, dude. Okay. You dug me earlier.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You dug me. Well, you dug me earlier. Yeah, yeah, I dug you earlier. Stop dugging me. Yeah, alright. That's good. I deserved it. Thank you. Okay. So, that's a good whodunit.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah. I really would love to. They are so fucking popular. Or a Nora 2.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay, and let me clear the air. Yeah. I actually didn't hate the movie. I just need more spins. You need to spin me out more. Emotionally thrust me. If you're going to give me a heartbreaking story.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Spin me around, baby. I wanted to see more. Also the Armenians in the movie. They're not even mean. Have you ever met a fucking Armenian? They were like, you've never met him? I'd take you to sushi right up the street. Yeah? It just was different. What do you got back that you're fuddling around with?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh, this is the old fairy donut and the gold. How old are these? They just got them today. Yeah, today. Today. Yeah, of course.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, no, no. Incorrect. We rewind the fucking tape. I said that I prefer an old school run of the mill donut shop. So do you have an old school donut too? Yes. Bring it out. Yeah, thank you.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ja, du musst manchmal arbeiten. Es ist schwer, auf einem Stadion zu holen. They get the sweeper out. You ever seen the little sweeper? Yeah. What's the last time you went? I went to, I went, we went to Bandon Dunes with a bunch of buddies to go on the golf trip. And I went to this, look at the, watch how wild this is. Go to Bachelors Inn. No, no, no. Right. Type in Bachelors Inn. Coos Bay.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
This is really good. And this is an old fairy donut and a holy grail donut. Yeah. Und welches hattest du? Winchels? Winchels. Winchels, fantastisch. Das ist genau das, was ich mag. Eine alte Winchel.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ja, aber du wirst die Unterschiede wissen, wenn du sie in deine Mund legst. Natürlich werde ich das wissen. Nein, aber die dreckigste, nur um deinen Punkt zu beweisen, sagst du, oh, die dreckigste. Nein, nein, ich verspreche, dass ich nicht.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay, also gib mir eine, hast du eine Platte? Nein, wir brauchen keine Plätze. Gib mir einfach eine, die du denkst, das ist... Wann hast du eine Platte benutzt? Das ist auch sehr wahr.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh, also du wirst nur einen Biss nehmen. Es gibt kein Schließen deiner Augen oder sowas?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Nein, du hast nicht den mit dem fucking Passaggio. Haben wir einen Knife? Ja. Gib mir einen kleinen Knife. Oh mein Gott, du hast die schlechtesten.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
So that... But this is not proving my point. You got the worst ones there. No, but the quality... No, no, no, it's not, it's not.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh, I understand what he's saying. It's a control, like it's a scientific experiment. Yeah, like they're all the same. So what is this called?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, but that's the point. The point is that I honestly believe that this isn't even fucking fair. If I look it up, No, no, I think you've... No, I... Dude, fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude. Hold on. Hold on, dude. Yeah, hold on, dude. Hold on, dude. No, no hold on. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do it right now, dude. No holding. Yeah, fairy... So this is the holy grail.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay, so I look at the Old Fairy Donut list. Give me that one. These donuts are not on the list! You're a fucking liar! No, I'm not.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, I'm not, dude, I promise. Beat him up. Kick his ass, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Das ist fucking Winchell. Nein, ich will es probieren. Es ist Winchell 2. Fuck you, Dude. Ich werde ein Uber essen. Nein, nein, nein. Ich werde es jetzt aufschauen. Ich bin sorry. Fuck you.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh mein Gott. Ja, also hier gehen wir. Okay, ich will nach Old Ferry gehen. Mal sehen. Der Donut. Mal sehen. Das wird ein schöner Tag sein. Du. Ja, sie haben das nicht im Anliegen.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Lass mich dir etwas sagen. Ehrlich gesagt, schau mich jetzt an, okay? Ja. Hm. On my mother's life. Oh, this is an easy one. On my life. Harder. On my life. Is this from Old Fairy Donuts?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
C-O-O-S. Coos Bay. Look at this fucking joint. Look at the parking. Look at the photos outside. Just get the outside of it. Just look at the outside of it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... Ich... My point is... If you like it so much, you would know. And it's like, there's the PB&J one, there's the fucking Raspberry Glade, Lemon Poppy.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Winchels is great. These are all Old Ferry Donuts. Aren't they?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
These are Old Ferry, right? Real. Are they right there? There they are. Okay. Those are the real deals. These are holy grail. These are holy grail.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
It's pretty fucking crazy, dog. Okay, so, no, I'll tell you why, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay? I'll tell you why. Okay? Listen, I'm a Michelin star. I work for the Michelin star. Right?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Wow. Wow. It's either there's a strip club or they're making like lamp fixtures in a factory.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Bro, someone at home, a fan, please draw him as the Michelin Man and submit it right fucking now.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Thank you. Alright. What I'm saying is, let's say I own a restaurant. I know the Michelin Star guys are coming. And then my chef goes, you know what, I'm just gonna go to Arby's and put those on the plate. And then they get no stars and they get nothing. That's my point. This contest is supposed to be real. To prove a point. But you're trying to trick my mind. And make me look like a fool.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay, das sind die original geladenen. Und was ist das? Das ist die Pistazia. Das ist die Pistazia. Das ist die Pistazia. Das ist die Pistazia. Come get these, please. Because before I get so fucking fat, I'm going to pass out. By the way, it is hard to not continue to eat all these donuts. I do want to keep this one.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
We're going to put the donut thing in there. That's what you're saying? No. I don't know where it's from. I don't trust it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, whatever, dude. No, I don't trust him. Anyway, next time we do some sort of water contest or anything like that, no deception. Because I want to be able to fight for my right to be the right one.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, this isn't a comedy podcast, buddy. This is a food podcast.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Never again. Shall it happen. Get this out of here. Thank you. Thank you. We'll get back to something good in a second. We have to get back. Okay. Never again. You know what? Andres is the leader of all this. Yeah. Yeah, you are. You're the leader of all this bullshit.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Do you remember the dark night? This was my dark night. That was your dark night, yeah. That was one of my darkest nights.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Hold on. This is incredible. Joe Piscopo in a Miller Lite commercial. We got tagged on this. This was a Miller Lite commercial from 1987. For people that don't know, Joe Piscopo was a comedian. He was on Saturday Night Live.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No. In 87? Yeah. Yeah, didn't he die in like the 90s? Yeah. I don't know.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You know, sometimes there was like different... Remember the Joker?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I would like it. Well, here's the problem I have with it. He does an accent for almost every line except for Mira Wright. He doesn't even do the funniest one.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
The product is Miller Lite. The executives did that. Hey, Joe. Can you just... Yeah, yeah. You liking what I did on set? Yeah, but Joe, can you literally say Miller Lite? You're saying we're all right. Yeah, well, you guys drink me all right. I'm white. I'm just an executive.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, I looked right into that sun. Don't do that. Okay, I know. My bad.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, yeah. So next time can you say, and action. Reach for a cold mirror, right? No, you did it again. Did I do it again? Yes. Wow, it doesn't sound like I'm doing it. Look at me right now, alright? Miller. Mirror. No, not mirror. Oh. This is not Snow White. Oh. Okay. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Do that!
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Wow. Ibo Stepmother. I think if Disney's gonna remake all those movies, they might as well do it with an Asian accent. Speaking of that, thank you for bringing it up.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Thank you for bringing it up. Speaking of that, thank you. Do you remember that a couple weeks ago we talked about Snow White?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
And he said he was gonna make a certain amount of money? I don't remember it. Yeah, he did. Who said it? Andreas.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
How much money has it made so far? Well, we looked, this is the problem, it's only opening weekend, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Wait a minute. You made a bet. Yes. Then you called him and told him to remove something from the show?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Because I saw a trailer in the movie theater and I go, oh my god, it might be good. It might be good.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
So you were gonna look like a fool. I didn't recant it, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Make it out of the episode. You know how Disney makes their trailers all majestic and magical? Did you make him take it out of the episode? Yes. Yes.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Bets are off. You didn't stand by it publicly. So then the bet's off. That's crazy. You can't do that. And by the way, it was $100? Yeah. Okay, you owe him $50 then.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
That's right. You owe him $50. You owe me something. Well, you owe him $50. You owe him half. Yeah, you owe me something. Okay. So it's only made, it made $42 million. What did it have? $88 worldwide. And it's a $400 million movie, which means what? Another... It's at $270 million. Nein, es ist ein 400-Millionen-Dollar-Film.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ja, ja, ja. Sie sagten, es ist eigentlich im Norden von 400 Millionen. Also müssen sie wahrscheinlich 700 Millionen machen, um... Oh, sie müssten fast ein Billion machen, um das zu sein, was sie wollen. Lukrativ, ja, ja, ja. Und es war... Ich meine, es ist schwierig, Live-Actions zu machen. Well, fucking yeah. Based on an IP that's already existed. You don't think it's hard?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
When they bring me coffee, I make a little question mark. Yeah, to let them know. I do. Put foam in there, I'll make a question mark. Oh, the Riddler. Riddle me this better, man. But it's a dead industry. What do you think?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Wait, wait, wait, time out, time out. What the fuck does that have to do with Snow White?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I've never heard this. And then, you know, obviously, Gal Gadot is Israel. Right, of course. But I don't think that, I think what it was, was a number of things. Is Rachel Zegler... Ist sie, was ist sie? Sie ist Mexikaner. Sie ist Mexikaner. Ja, ja. Also, ich möchte dir etwas sagen, okay? Es gibt ein paar andere Elemente dazu. Und ich denke, wir können das einhalten.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay? Weil ich sehr klar darüber bin. Ich wusste nicht, was die Israel-Palästina-Frage war.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Sie haben sich mit einander verarscht, offensichtlich. Also, die zwei Dinge, die sie verarscht haben.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Es wird immer freie Palästina sein, schreibt sie. Mai 20. Das ist Mai 1720. Das ist Mai 2021. Ja. Wow, das ist ein langer Zeit her. Sie haben das ein langer Zeit her geschaut. They shot this four years ago? No, it had to have been two years ago. I love you all so much. Thank you for the love and 120 million views on our trailer in just 24 hours. What a whirlwind.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I'm in the thick of rehearsals for Romeo and Juliet, so I'm going to get out of here. Bye for now. And always remember, free Palestine, she says. Rachel Ziegler, that was August 12th.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay, so, but I don't think that that was the main thing. There's two other elements. Peter Dinklage.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No, it's all CGI now. After that. So those leaks weren't real?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay. We just saw an image of it two things ago. There they are right there. They're all CGI. Yeah. They're CGI.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
They look, I heard the CGI is not good. Not great. Right. And then also Rachel Ziegler's comments about You know, it's not the 50s, you know what I mean? So we don't need a Prince Charming because women can, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? What? What can they do?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I know, but they can, they don't need a Prince Charming to help them in their quest to save them.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
But it can't be the fucking Palestine, Israel shit, because people in fucking China that would see this don't give a fuck.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Du, ich denke, es ist lebendig und gut. Ich hasse es, zu ihnen zu gehen. Es ist immer mit einem Gruppe von Leuten und jemand sagt, komm, komm, komm. Und dann gehe ich und hasse es. Die ganze Zeit bleibe ich bei der Bar. Ich bin nicht interessiert. Ich mag das nicht. Es ist unangenehm. Es ist unangenehm. Ich mag es nicht.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
That's what I'm saying. The billions that would be earned in other parts of the world don't concern themselves with that.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Well, the dwarves, the scared kids. Das sieht ein bisschen schrecklich aus. Ja, einige Kinder waren von dem gefreut. Und sie sollen es lieben. Weißt du, was ich meine? Lieben.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh, oh, das Dorf auf der linken Seite, ich kenne ihn. Wer ist das? Das ist nicht gut. Nein, nein, nein, ernsthaft, ich kenne ihn. Das Dorf auf der linken Seite? Ja, er hat einige Anforderungen gegen ihn. Oh, ich sehe. Das ist wahrscheinlich das, was das gemacht hat.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und dann die dritte oder vierte Kontroverse ist die Argumentation von Menschen. Na, wie kann Rachel Ziegler der schönste sein? in that world if Gal Gadot is hotter.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
If you say people are saying... People are saying Ziggler didn't do it for them. Did Gadot does it? So the movie, what do we think? This thing is gonna cost them. And she's doing Romeo and Juliet now.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
The soundtrack was, by the way, I had this fucking CD. That soundtrack was so good.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Romeo what? Plus. Yeah, Romeo plus Juliet. Right, whatever the fuck they wanted. That was so good. Look at the soundtrack. Look at this song. Here, zoom in a little bit. Oh mein Gott. Oh mein Gott. Oh, ich liebe Bottle Rockets. Und ich dachte, Mann, das ist der coolste fucking Job auf der Erde. Wie hast du das bekommen?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und er war so, oh, ich war in A&R an einer Radio, ich meine, an einem Rekordlabel und blablabla. Und dann dachte ich, was, wenn ich das machen möchte? Und er war so, oh Mann, du wirst es nicht machen.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Du könntest es machen, weil du eine große Wissenswürdigkeit hast.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich weiß, aber weißt du, was er gesagt hat? Du musst in den Musik-Welt gesuckert werden. Und dann sind sie so. Weißt du, was es ist? Es ist ein Job. Und das ist etwas, das du weißt, dass unser Publikum, es ist schwer zu beschreiben. Weißt du, was es ist? Es sind Loopers. Do you know loopers?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
People that don't know what a looper is, when you watch a TV show and you just see someone in a bar, there's chatter in the background at the bar. That's not real from when they filmed. They have groups of people called loopers that go in every day to the studios and they do background noise, just chatter and talking to fill the spaces of television and film. And they make incredible money.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I'm not even fucking kidding. My old neighbor was a looper. And he made fucking a couple hundred grand a year, 12 years ago. And he would just go in every day.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Good movie, too. 180 grand to fucking go in every day, just talk in the background.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
So I did something gross yesterday. I wasn't going to bring it up. I don't know why this just brought it up. Tell me if this is wrong. So I'm doing the last day of this movie. So I'm in makeup. Last day of the what? This movie I'm in. The last day? Yesterday was my last day. What's it called? New Year's Rev.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay, it sounds cooler with New Year's Rev. And this is the Green Day movie? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, it was written by Lee and Lee Harvey Oswald? No. No, dude. But yeah, those are the kids. So it's them as, it's their story. The story is the story is three kids that were told that they were going to open for Green Day, but when they show up to the fucking Palladium, they were lied to. So they try to sneak in and try to get the opening gig still. And I play a security guard.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
That's not the point. Security guard? Yeah, shut the fuck up. I like security guard. Palladium security. Welcome to the Palladium. So I was sitting in makeup, right? I'm sitting in makeup and they were playing like just standard like rock, like killers, all that stuff in the thing. And I go, why are you playing this rock? They go, oh, I mean, we think Billy's coming in, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I go, you don't do that. And they go, what do you mean? I go, you gotta be cool. Gotta be cool. So I go, put some Brian Eno on. Mm. Right? Mm. Er kommt raus und sitzt da, richtig? Ich habe ihn schon erwähnt. Aber dann fange ich an zu sagen, ja, Brian Eno, er war der Keyboardist für Roxy-Musik, er hat die ersten zwei Alben gemacht, er wurde sehr präzise.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I got sick or I got dizzy and I hit my head on the toilet. Yeah, something like that. And he goes, hey guy, have you seen Anora? And I go, no, I haven't quite gotten to it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich glaube, ich habe mir vorgeschlagen, über Brian Eno zu sprechen, um Billy zu machen, dass er über Musik wusste.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Nein, er hat gesagt, ja, das ist richtig, das ist richtig. Und dann habe ich es aufgedeckt. Und dann, nachdem ich mit meinem Ding fertig war, habe ich einfach zu ihm gegangen und meine Hände in den Koffer gesetzt. Ja. So, what came first, you guys or Jawbreaker, which is another like three-piece, you know what I mean? Power, Power, back, back. Did he hate it?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I think so, he knew what I was doing, right? Yeah, yeah, I go, yeah, I mean, yeah, but you guys really, you know, you guys really did it, huh? He's like, why'd you bring up Jawbreaker? I was, I don't know, he didn't say that. I bet he was thinking.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
In his mind, yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did you bring it up?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You were trying to show off. I was trying to show them that I have some knowledge about music, that we can get some sort of rapport going. Although I've known them for many years, you know what I mean? But it's like, you know, I did little social things, right, that were gross in my mind at the time, but I don't know if anyone knew I was... It's not that big of a deal. It's not that big of a deal.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I have a lot of lines in it. What are they? Um... I mean, I could pull out my sides. You don't remember them? No, because... Ich meine, es ist okay, also, um, lass mich, okay, gestern war die Linie, um, Ich bin nicht verabschiedet, dass du reingekommen bist. Das ist das Lügen, das ich mich darum kümmere. Du kennst nicht Green Day. Und dann kommt Billy Joel und sagt, hier sind deine Chats.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Hey, Billy Joel, du kennst diesen Jungen, oder? Und der Jungen sagt, und dann kommt Billy und sagt, oh, ich habe deine Demo gehört. Verdammt großartig. Und in der Mitte ihrer Gespräche bin ich traurig, weil dieser Jungen weiß. Also habe ich mich einfach verblüfft. Ich spiele die Keys. Ich bin in einer Experimental-Jazzband.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I went to church with Keith Jarrett, which is a random thing, you know what I mean? And it was Otis Wong. Some people call me the Wong, you know what I mean? And he kind of drifts away. And then the kid just goes, pats me in the chest and he walks away. That was yesterday, one of the scenes yesterday. It's gonna be good. This is gonna be good. I hate that you did this.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I didn't do anything. I think it's going to be good. Bobby Lee? Am I even in there? Oh my god, McKenna Grace, Jenna Fisher, Mason Thomas, Fred Armisen. Damn, there's a lot of people in there. Angela Kinsley. Okay. Trey Cool?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I'm pissed. I was pissed. Yeah, he didn't like it. It's a two-hour, 20-minute movie. It's too... That's not that long. Dude, it's not a... This isn't like a murder mystery. It's not like a fucking drama. It's a long-winded story about a girl who gets taken advantage of. It's... Fuck, I couldn't do it. I heard it's like Pretty Woman. Pretty Woman was such a good fucking movie.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Well, the whole band is, obviously. Go all the way down to the last credits. That's where I'd be.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You'd be Matt Westphalen? I got a little bit of advice to Maurice Quintel Simmons. Yeah. Just do Maurice. Do you remember any of your lines from Dave? Oh, God, yeah. Tell me one. Dave, come on. We have to get back to making the album. The whole fucking show. Very good. The whole fucking show. Come on, Dave.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Stop goofing around. So it wasn't that embarrassing what I did. No, not even a little. It's something that people would do. No. Yeah. It's not as embarrassing as the Bong Joon-ho, the director thing.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I don't think that was that embarrassing. That wasn't? That's not on you. That's on that guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You know what he did? Yeah. He did a simple thing where you know when someone says like, oh, I've seen that thing that you did, da, da, da. And they're probably thinking of something that you did.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
That's not what I'm thinking. You think he thought you were in that other... I think Jimmy O. Yang was on it and he didn't boggle the name.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No fucking way. You don't look anything like Jimmy O. If he liked that show or movie that much, you really think he wouldn't know who the fuck you are? I think he thought of something else and mistook the title for a thing that you did.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I loved you on Wrong Missy with that hotel line. Give me the line.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Welcome to the hotel. So good. You kill it. I can't believe White Lotus didn't call. You're a movie star, man. Ich habe immer ein Filmstar gewesen.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Du bist ein Filmstar. Ansonsten, danke, dass du ein schlechter Freund bist. Es ist alles kaputt. Du hast nicht das Pistachio bekommen. Wir werden dieses ganze Segment ausbrechen. Ich werde die Donuts zum nächsten Mal bekommen.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Jag see ya more. Where have you been? You're gone for a while. You don't answer your phone. Jag see ya more.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich weiß. Ich kann es sehen. Okay. Und ich muss dir sagen, probier einen von diesen. Probier einen von diesen in dieser Box. Ich bin total seriös. Probier. Lass mich sehen. Das ist der Windschutz. Lass mich sehen, was sie haben. Lass mich sehen, welchen. Ja, probier den.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Okay. Verdammt schrecklich. Das ist so... Die Bratwurst. Die Bratwurst. Nimm den roten mit der Bratwurst. Ich liebe es, den roten zu essen.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
That's a great movie, but is it the same premise of Pretty Woman? In a new age sense, I guess. Yeah, we love that old story. Yeah, but there's no gear. This kid isn't gear.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Oh my God, look at that twink. Who was the woman in Pretty Woman? Juliana Roberts. Right? Rudy Juliana Roberts? No, no, no. Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts. And Richard Gere. You got what I said.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Julia Roberts, Richard Gere. Come on, man. These are like... I call him Richard Gari.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Richard Gari. That was a good movie. Jason Alexander was it, remember?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I couldn't, oh yeah. Classic. I couldn't do this. It just was too long. It was sad. Okay. She shows, she gets, they're having sex in this movie no less than 20 times, but you can't jerk off because it's sad. It's sad sex? It's sad. Well, no, the whole movie's sad. But is it sad sex? No, some of it's fun. Well then, good, you can jerk off. I guess. She gets naked in it a dozen times. Really?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I mean, at least a dozen. Wow, I can't watch it. They got the Oscar. They did? She got an Oscar for it. You didn't like it, did you?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I hate you, dude. Bad taste in film. Jaime Garcia, you know, the guy that's on... My other one. Ja. Hey, Bro, it's a good movie. He literally thought it was a good movie. Look, a lot of people liked it. Is it simple? Because you and I are sophisticated. You and I are Cisco Ebert in the future. Thank you, baby. Yeah, we do triple thumbs. Triple thumbs up. Yeah, and toes. Up or down.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
See what I mean? Put a Korean screen in the back. You can make anything vivid. It's vivid. Yeah, I could put fucking spaceships in the background.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Some movies are real. Have you ever seen fucking American Beauty, dude? Beautiful. Beautiful movie and real. You ever seen American Gangster? Real. Anything American.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
It's not what it's called, buddy. Hier ist mein Ding damit. Ich verstehe, was du sagst. Ja, es war echt, weil sie echte Leute genommen haben. Aber das wird in der Aktivität oft gezeigt. Ja. Ja, es ist unangenehm. Ich will nicht Leute auf der Straße sehen, die nicht arbeiten können. Du hast Künstlerinnen und Künstler, dann hast du normale Leute. Und dann sind sie so, ist das nicht großartig?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Und es ist so, ich weiß nicht, hire jemanden, der, ich weiß nicht.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
There's a lot of movies that people have seen that tell me to watch it. Yeah. And I've never seen it. I just don't feel right. I don't feel right. Like, I've never seen... I swear to God, I bought it. Broback Mountain.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I know, I know it's good. I just haven't... Have you seen it? I haven't gotten around to it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
You know I wasn't going to see that. But why can't we? It's good, I heard. I don't like musicals. Dude, you don't even want to get... We've talked about this before. You don't want to get me started. I don't like musicals.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Can I say something about Greece? As a minority, this is minority talk.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
It freaks me out when white people do gibberish. Ich gebe dir ein Beispiel. Ich bin ein Kind, in den Theatern. Ich habe es in den 70ern gesehen oder so. Ich sitze mit all meinen Kindern, Freunden. Schau dir das an. An der letzten Song. Wir gehen zusammen. Ich bin in den Theater gegangen. Es ist fucking, sprichst du viel, es ist Devilschöpfung. Was machst du?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich mag es nicht, wie du normalerweise sprichst. Yeah, that's what you're doing. You do jibber jabber. You do jibber jabber fucking white shit, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I don't like it. I agree, because it does come from some weird place. And no one's that happy. No one's that happy.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
No. Everyone. No one's that happy. No black people? Well, that's why they're so happy.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
All right. That's good. But my point is, okay, so I've talked about this before, but... This is Jersey, baby. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Where is this supposed to take place again? Where is Greece supposed to take place? Yeah, where is it? That's actually... Oh, what do I mean? Don't they race in the Los Angeles Aqueduct? Aren't they in the LA Aqueduct at some point in that movie? Set in Rydell High School in Los Angeles. Right, because they go into the LA River.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
What part? The car race. Is this Malibu? Like there's no black minorities? Not a single Mexican?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Yeah, not one Mexican in the movie. LA. LA, dude. That's supposed to be.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
What? But there's a scene in it. I've talked about this before, but maybe we're not bad friends, but it's something that I need to, you probably won't catch it. Give it to me. I'm sitting there again. Before all the gibberish. I'm watching it, right? And there's the famous sleepover scene with the pink ladies. Pink ladies. Do you remember? Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
And one of the girls goes, this is my boyfriend. You know what I mean? Doing this. This is my boyfriend doing this. And then she goes, this is my boyfriend in Korea. And they go, ooh, you're dating a Korean? And she goes, no, silly. He's in the Marines.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich habe das als Kind gesehen und dachte mir, fuck this. Fuck this shit. What is this shit, dude? That's the most racist thing. Show me that scene. Maybe I exaggerated in my mind. Because I think I did look it up. It's not that bad. But it's something like that. But it sounds like that. To me it sounded like that. And I remember the kids looking at me like, yeah, we're disgusting.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
I'm on the same page. Because the men in red-headed film, always bad. The women. Lucille Ball, phenomenal. A queen. You know what I mean? But sexy. Huh? Sexy. Yeah, but I'm just saying like, Isla Fisher, all these red-headed women in television and film, they're praised. The men are always nerd, dork, squimp.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
What about Gleason's son? The guy that was in Star Wars? What's his name? Oh yeah. What's his name? Who? Gleason's last name? You mean Brendan Gleason? No, his son. Yeah, but we don't even know. Yeah, he's famous. Yeah, he's very talented. And he did a love movie, too, where he was a romance.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
What was that called? But he's not famous enough for it to be a thing.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Dude, he's so famous. What are you talking about? No, he's not. You didn't even know his fucking name. Last name, Gleason. Yeah, because of his dad. Okay, okay.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
My point is, we've never had male redhead heroic representation. Ever. It's always a bit. There's the redhead. There's Pizza Face. Okay. Redhead-Moviestars. Look, they're all fucking women. Jessica Chastain, Isla Fisher, Bryce Dallas Howard.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
All these are heroes. Did you put sexy, just in general, redheaded actors? It says movie stars. Redhead-Moviestars. Oh, my God. Let's go down the line. There's got to be one guy. Proof is in the pudding, dude. Dude, you're right.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Thank you. Thank you. Ellie Kemper, Molly Ringwald. By the way, these are all beloved characters. Not one of these is a fucking guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
But in Greece, if they would have said that... This is the greatest proof I've ever had in my entire life. It's a good point. Jesus Christ. In Greece what? In the movie Grace, right? Still, they used the Korean thing. They would never use red-headed.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Nein, nein, in Griechenland wären sie weggegangen. Du bist mit einem roten Kopf, dann würden sie sagen, äh, und dann würden sie sagen, nicht jemandem sagen, bitte. Oh.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
No, dude, I could have died. Because I fell asleep knowing that you were my garden angel and I could have died.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Wow. I texted Rainn Wilson today because his was just devastated.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. It's awful. I texted Sebastian. His is fine. Oh, he is? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, but her house is the only one that didn't burn down. Seriously? Yeah. They cried today because they bought their first house. They're in the desert, right? No, they're in Altadena. No, now they're in the desert. Yeah, yeah. And they cried because they were the only house standing. What they don't know is that for the morning last night, I took Fiji water.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You did that? I did that, dude. Why Fiji? Because it's my favorite kind of water and also they're Filipino, so I thought it was close. Right, it is near it. Yeah, yeah. My point is that I saved their house last night. Let's give it up for Bob saving the house. Anyway... It was... You're a hero. It was scary. Honestly, though, I don't know if... Because I would text your wife. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
So last night, what happened? You're saying garden angel? Garden angel, dude.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I go, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm doing... We were communicating.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And I'm going to have a problem right now. They don't know where you live. Yeah, they do. Look at this. DraftKings playoffs? Playoffs? We're talking about playoffs? We're talking about playoffs. You bet we are, Andrew. Get in on the action at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
He's a garden angel, dude. He's a lawn gnome, dude. He is, kind of. So last night, when did you get in? I kept texting you on the flight.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Try betting on something simple, like a player to score six.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids, and your retirement.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You know, for me, I've been starting to invest in Acorn. You have started to invest in it. And you can do it easy. Easy does it. Easy does it. But you know what? It gives me a little bit of security because I trust Acorn.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And you have to have something to leave to them. And they love Acorns too.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Head to acorns.com slash bad friends or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Well, guess what? Build a perfect outfit in five minutes or less. Everything goes great together.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I have winner must-haves, my friend. Yes, you do. Long-sleeve Hennellys.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Start the new year off with clothes that actually fit right. Just go to my exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash badfriendstosave.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Last night... I texted Carlos because I was so tired. I go, I'm going to fall asleep, but just in case, if it gets out of control, I'm going to leave my bedroom door open. Hot. Yeah, and then wake me up. I have the bags packed. Get the cats in the cradle. Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Never got one from her. I got one from Verzi. Adrian Ippolucci. Paul Verzi.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Wow. Big, big, big moment. Big moment, dude. Sold out, I heard. It's sold out. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
What is the Phantom of Barbara about? I know. I've seen the posters.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Oh, yeah. I love dark and twisted. Tell me what it's about.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Well, I just see that photo right now and there's a black woman. I don't care if there is. Sounds like you do. No, I'm just, it's curious. Is it set in the South? Yeah. Is that racist? It's set in Alabama.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Remember when you tried to charm me? I saw a couple of them. I didn't like it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And it's Newsome Falls. Yeah, yeah. So it's that mayor we have. Where are you going to...
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You mean like do a better second season? Yes, we don't do. We almost. Well, I mean, Severance's should be good when it comes out.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
On Severance? Yes. You saw it already? It's out already?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Well, the third one, you know who's in it? You? No. How are you not in it? I'm not Korean. I don't speak Korean. Yeah, you fucking do. No, I don't. I'll be able to say, where's the bathroom and pussy. I mean, those are the only words I know.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, where are you going, baby? She's done, dude. She's done, dude, right? Yeah. She's cooked.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I'm going to go. So the Squid Game, can I just do a real quick review? Give me your review. What's surprising about it is I was fearful about redundancy.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Right? In your mind, you're like, okay, where can they go with this? Because they gotta showcase the games again, right? Yeah. But in terms of the angle and the different kind of characters that are in it, I mean, I really like the trans character in it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, she had honor, dude. And you know what? They do have honor in life. All of them? All of them? The ones that I know have honor. How many do you know?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Be real? Yeah. Two? And they both have honor. They're so honorable. They're not honorless? They're not honorless. None of them lack honor? No. Yeah. They know who they are. They know who they are and they know what they're doing. Is that what honor is? Let's talk about A Complete Unknown 2. Such a phenomenal film.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's phenomenal, but what I liked about it is there was a sigh of relief once I heard Timothee Chalamet talk and sing. Right. Like when he's... next to Woody in the hospital. Yeah. And he sings a song for Woody, right? And there's a part in the song where there's like a little bit of hold of a note in the song. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Like, Madam Mayor, have you got anything to say to the people of Los Angeles? You cut the fire department fund and all that stuff. And she kept it quiet. But last night, right? So I'm like, I fell asleep. I'm like, okay, Carlos asked me. This morning, he liked my thing. Which means that he had slept through it. So if my house is on fire, I'd be dead.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And he was just so committed and he sounds so much like Bob. And I began to cry because I'm like, I think he got it right. You cried in the theater? Oh, yeah. Wow. Ask Gene. Gene Hong would keep looking at me and I literally weeped. What's so funny?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Do another season, Gene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. All right. No. Because him and I had walked out of movies before. Oh.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But this one, we always do a little Korean glance at each other. What? A little wink. Yeah, to see if we're going to leave.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You know what I mean? So I looked at him, and I had tears in my eyes, and he was very pleased. Yeah, he's proud. Proud. And I used to work with this girl, Monica Barbaro. She's so good. Yeah, Joan Baez. She's so good. She's so good in that movie.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And the movie is. Carlos. Carlos, come on. She's very pretty, but.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I know. I know. It's so funny. Yeah. She's gorgeous. Yeah. But the movie was just great. And I saw. So good. Another one was gladiator too. You see it? I haven't seen it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's just like the lounge again. We're going to bring it back to the lounge.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This is what gaslighting is, okay? You have no fucking idea. Okay, if there's a light on- You think it's Cirque du Soleil, you fucking- If there's a light on and I tell a woman, I go, there's no light that's on, and I try to convince her that the light's on- Go get some gas. Yeah, so what I'm saying to you is that- You bring the gas. You bring up lounges and comfortable seats all the time.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You love it. You love it, too. Anyone going to a movie theater, I want to let you know. I went to go see with my mom, Nostrofto.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You saw it? No. Okay. And what I love about going to the theater with my mom is she's so weird, no one approaches me.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
My mom was laying down. Beautiful. You know when you wait in line to get popcorn? Just off to the side, she had just laid down because her back hurt.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I know, and I was, me and my brother are just squatting next to her, like, come on, get up. How about this? Come on, get up, right? She's like, no, no, my back, my back, right? And we're just, and no one approaches us because they think, you know what I mean? They think it's either a family crisis or an emergency of some sort, right? But they don't approach.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
A Simple Man is a Coen Brothers. Yeah, that's right. Stephen Park's in that. Yeah, it was really fucking tough. It's hard to watch?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
So it's like falling down. I thought that movie was... Falling down. Dark. Very dark. Very dark.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. I thought Falling Down was the best representation of Los Angeles I've ever seen.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
There's no way. There's a lot of things they should, like closing the windows when you're landing. What's that all about?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Because there was a scene where he's going on an off-ramp on the 101 or whatever. It's so traffic-y.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, like it's such a great- Like you see Santa Monica and Western, like that kind of LA where it's like, it doesn't, you can't really see that in movies. It's sort of like, it kind of looks like Mexico.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You get a mixture of a lot of Hispanics and then you also get a mixture of like tourists that I kind of made the wrong turn. Chinese tourists.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I know why they do that. Why? So when it's on fire, you can't see. You can't see it. So no one panics? Yeah, so you don't panic, right? Here's another one. Tray table. Why does that have to- Be up? Up or down or whatever, whatever. Couldn't matter. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Because us, me, you, and Tim Dillon were talking about we have to stay.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But what if I had a house that burned down? I have to get a building permit to rebuild my house? Of course you do.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. What are they going to do with these stars and stuff? It's not just stars, dude. I mean regular people too.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And that's why it has to stay in. No, all people. No, all people. Altadena.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Don't keep it in. No, I keep it in. I'm scared. It's fun. Stop. Please. Shut up. Yeah, you shut up, dude. Let them know who you are. No, I don't know who I am. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a good guy.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Also, can they do this? I called you two hours ago, right? Wow. Yeah. So they did an evacuation alert on everyone's phone. Two hours. Did you get that?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Who's the guy like, watch this, John. Beep. You know what I mean? And then the fucking, like who's in charge of that?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ship Station. You guys, we all have an online business. Do you have one? I mean, we do. And we use Ship Station because we only use the best. Life in general can be chaotic, but if you're in charge of order fulfillment for an e-commerce business, you know that's its own special kind of chaos. But with Ship Station, you can count on your day-to-day remaining calm.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Save hours and money every month by shipping from all your stores with one login. Just one, guys. Automating repetitive tasks and fighting the best rates among all the global carriers, man. You can focus on other parts of your business because you never have to worry about shipping and fulfillment again with ShipStation, guys. Huh? You never need to upgrade.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Another one. Here's another one that drives me crazy. Give it to me. I feel like we're doing hacky road stuff. What is that? We're driving and flying. What is that, Seinfeld? Yeah. Not good? Well, you just did it. That was my dad.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use code BADFRIENDS to sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com, BADFRIENDS. Shopify! So it's the new year. It is. It's 2025. God bless. And you're probably thinking, how am I going to make this year different? I don't know.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Am I going to build something for myself? I'd like to. I'm dying to be my own boss or see if I can turn this business idea I've been kicking around in my head into a reality. But I don't know how to make it happen.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Shopify makes it also easy to manage your growing business. They help with the details like shipping, taxes, and payments from one single dashboard, allowing you to focus on the important stuff like growing your business.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash bad friends, all lowercase.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Sometimes when I go to a restaurant, I'll read reviews. You know what I mean? I do some research. You do. But I do that for my health. And that's why I'm on ZocDoc. That's right. Okay. Am I too busy? These are excuses.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, Andrew, from mental health, look at me right now, to dental health. I know. Okay? Primary care to urgent care. Look at me right now. And more.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Anyway, another one is, some of you poor folk, some of you poor folk might not know this one.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Wait, how do you know? Why do I have to be surprised? Why can't you be surprised? Well, if you did any organization for this show whatsoever, then you could. Yeah, but I don't want the surprise. If you're not going to get a surprise.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's for my nails. I have High Street Beast. What's High Street Beast? Clothing. Sick. Oh, shit. Yeah, sit down. What a prince. What a prince. Prince, look at the prince here, dude. Blesses us. Yeah, what happened to your glasses?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I want you to see if you can guess, all right? You can have the waist, right? But what else do they want in first class sometimes? What are you talking about? Have the waist? The waist seatbelt. Yeah. Right? There's another thing they tell you to do. Sit up straight? The shoulder one.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. Shout out Paul Lee. You want to wear the cans or do you need them?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This isn't your mom's house. As you got successful, your skin cleared up. Did I have bad skin? No. You almost have perfect skin now. That is so weird.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This is how good Jimmy is doing. This is how good Jimmy is doing. And I want to be honest with you. Your ex-girlfriends are girls I couldn't even get, I don't think.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Let's talk gospel and truth, babe. Right. Thank you. What I'm saying to you is that the girls, I've seen your ex-girlfriends. Do it like the gospel. Do it in gospel tone. Give me an example.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
There's an aura. Brother? That's not true because the last party I saw you at, who was the aura? You. You were the aura.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You're the aura, my young man. I'll tell you why. All right? It's because we went to Awkwafina's New Year's party.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Right? And I came late. He came late. I came late with a woman.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I'm not going to do the voice. We walk in. Who was on the dance floor?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You were dancing like a little butterfly. I was trying. Okay, like a little Korean butterfly, right? And you were the flame. We were the moths. No, no, that's not how I saw it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Keep complimenting. Jimmy, let me start, right? And I remember me, Gene, Dom, we all went to you. You didn't come to us. We came to you on the dance floor. We took a photo with you on the dance floor, which means you're the light, right? And we're the moth.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
No, but okay. I'm going to ask you a question. There you go. Mark Zuckerberg.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's always white girls on Raya that I match with. You know what it always says? What? In common with Jimmy O. Yang.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It says it right there. I see it. Come on. Damn, dude. Do you know her?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Come closer. You do know her? He does. I do know her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
What? Let me see this girl. Ex-girlfriend? No, no, no, no, no. Okay. How do I see her photos? I'll show you. That's hilarious. Wait, Bobby, did you talk to her? Well, I forgot to read the Jimmy Yang part, so I did say hi.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
That's like, you're in. And Jackie Chan. I know. I understand that. I'm not exaggerating. I swear to God it is, right? But this is what I find. Because, I want to say this. One time, I saw you.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Let me look, let me look. Fucking hot, dude. Hot, dude. So one time you were at the improv, this was years ago, and you had a girlfriend, right? Uh-huh. She dressed in an Asian thing.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Really? Yeah, and then she also had, her purse had like pearls in it, but it looked like, you know, the green JD, you know what I mean? It looked like an Asian bag. For real? Yeah, so I'm wondering, with this girl, I think you are the influence. Once they meet you, they become more Asian. And then now, you mean it opens them up to our market. That's, you know what? Let's put that out there.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Once you go yellow, you find yourself another Asian fellow. I think that's what it is. That's it. You're the opening. I've felt that too where I've gated a white girl and you go to their house and you go, oh yeah, they're prone to us.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
yes yes they're aware yeah there's like a poster of like Mulan or something Naruto anime yeah and then there's like you know a lot of bamboo and bonsai trees those Chinese stress balls yeah those stress balls yeah yeah George has those at his dinner table 100% um
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Some of them are not. And you've seen them, have you not? I think so. I think so. They just won't. They won't do it. What are you talking about? Some white girls, they just won't cross that line.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Write a letter to Karen Bass, dude. Dear Karen Bass. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Are you fucking telling me that you and I are on two completely different categories? Yes. Yeah, so tell me what the category I'm in, Jimmy.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
That's the glory hole king, baby. It's getting around, right?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I get it. I've accepted it. Right. I'm not fighting against the- Because I've seen beautiful women with you. Yeah, no, but what I'm saying is that I have to say that he's still in a different category. Yeah. Yep, so are Carlos and I. But when we get casted, we're in the same category. That's my problem.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You guys are no fucking... So I was up for the Joe Coy part. Did you do that part?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Me too. Literally every flight. So I get up, right? And the stewardess goes, what do you call them? Flight attendant goes.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
No, there was a part that he said he had written for me that I got offered. I couldn't do it because I was doing Borderlands.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But I've also been in other situations where Jimmy O. Yang got the part and I didn't get it. But that's just because it's... But it was for the same part was I'm saying that he beats me out.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You have to sit, right? And I go, but you're standing. Yeah. Cirque du Soleil.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I understand that. I understand that. I know we're different. Yeah, he's Chinese. You're right. Do you know what I mean? I take that back. Thank you. I'm older. Also, be nice to the Chinese. I love the Chinese.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Everywhere. Oh, no, here. Everywhere. Baskin Robbins. It doesn't matter where it is.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I mean, you guys are the ones that we go, oh, my God, there they go again. I can't support that stereotype.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Look at all those people skipping in line. They're all skipping somebody. Or what are your qualms about Chinese? My qualms? Yeah. Is that a Chinese word? What's qualms? Is that a real word? Yeah, qualms is good. Yeah, yeah. My issues? What are your issues about Chinese? Do you have any?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You think you have better balance than me, Cirque du Soleil? Cirque du Soleil, but yes. Whatever, right? I bet you money I want to see the stewardess. Cirque du Soleil? Yeah, I want to see it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, but what's with this Cantonese stuff and Szechuan, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Okay, so if I'm in Hong Kong, let me... Cantonese will be in Hong Kong. Cantonese. Yeah, yeah. Say something in Cantonese. I'm going to see if it's harsh.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Because they can't get a voiceover guy that has a harsh. Go Mandarin.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, yeah. It's just an aggressive thing, you know. And, you know, what's up with Tai Chi? Is that a martial arts or is it a meditative thing that you're doing? It's a little bit of both. I've never seen anyone fight anyone with Tai Chi. I don't think you fight Tai Chi. It's an exercise. Yeah, dude.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But don't you think that they're perceived as the best or no? What do you think, Jimmy?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Right? Don't pretend that you're log champion. You're not. You know that one? That's a log champion. Look at my form, dude.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Is that when you're gonna go to Korea? That same time? We're gonna go to Korea right after. Okay.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
But you just said that you could beat me even though you're not good. Go fuck yourself.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
That's right. Jack Black sat on that chair. A lot of famous people. A lot of famous people sat on that chair. Wow.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
That's great. Good for you, dude. This is amazing. It's huge. It's on Hulu, right? Yeah, it's on Hulu.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
What I'm saying is that, no, if you're standing, I stand.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
None. So this is your first one. This is huge. Yeah, it's a big deal. This is huge.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I can't believe that I gave you that suggestion. It's sound advice. Yeah, but you didn't go with advice.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I think we did it when you were in, I remember the day. It was when I was living in the apartment on Beachwood.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, yeah. That's when I gave you the advice. I don't remember now. The Beachwood days. The Beachwood days. Where are you living now?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Here's the thing about whites anywhere else, okay? It's not that they have hatred. It's that they don't see people like us often. Like when I was in Butte, Montana shooting that movie. Yeah. I was at an AA meeting, okay? And some guy was pouring coffee in people's glasses. The guy came up to me and goes, hey man, sorry we don't have any green tea. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Don't be kung fuing. It's somebody that isn't around us that often, and then they just want to be nice. That's right. But it comes out a little racist, but I don't mind that. It's just people are just trying to acclimate themselves to us.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I think it'd be better, huh? Let's do it. We can get, how about this? I'll do this. We'll get a place. Keep our houses here.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
If I call... This is new. If I call my Asian sister's sisters... No. What I'm asking you is, what's the problemo, por favor?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Female friends. Female friends as anything remotely sister or anything like that. No.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, yeah. All right. So, well, Jimmy and I, when we go back to the meeting. Yeah, when you go back. We have our meeting once a month. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, you know, Stephen, you, everyone goes. Yeah. And we have some of our, can I call them sisters now? But like, like Awkwafina, one of our sisters, we're going to change the lingo. That's the lingo now.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Oh, you know what, dude? I'll be Chinese. Yeah. Because I don't want to steal any more words. Or you can be Hyung. Young. Okay, good. You are young. But now what you're saying, Jimmy, is we have to memorize every fucking Japanese, what fucking brother and sister means. I'm not going to do all that.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Are there other Asians you asked to be on it? Who else is on it? Yeah. I don't want to give away the whole lineup, but I'll tell you later. So let's promote some of the things, Jimmy. So Jimmy, do you have the TV show on Hulu? Interior Chinatown on Hulu. The Forum you're playing?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, I might be doing it. Yeah. Number three, what else? Your Instagram handle? What is it?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
And please support our brother here. He's one of the best. I've always loved him.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
It's brilliant. Do you ever get, one last question if I may. Please. Wrap it up. Have you ever had a white girl see your penis and be surprised how big it is? Thank you for being a bad friend.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I didn't listen to a word you just said. Let me say something, okay? I know you didn't. Carla, you've been to the airport with him, right?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
What's up with him in the lounge? He's always like, meet me in the lounge. What am I? I'm like, I don't want to go to the lounge. I want to go get a snack. I want to eat food.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
One last thing and then we can move on from the thing. They should have obviously at the gate a first class line.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
This is relatable. This will be a relatable thing. And then they should have, they should, no, I'm not done. Okay. They should have the groups, you know? So you have group B, C, whatever, the lettering or the number.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Okay. You wanted to start a fight, dude. You even said it. Okay. But what, so what they should have. No, I'm not done yet though. All right. So then they should have also a line that they don't have, right? For, I know it. For the Chinese.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Dude, I knew you were going to say that. Because I'll tell you why. Yeah. Okay. They cut. No, definitely what, they don't know how it works. Yes, they do. I know they do. But they pretend that they don't. I love them.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
He's like, whoa. Yeah. America. But you know what I love, though? This is what I love. I love that the Chinese people cut. When they get to the ticket person, right? They go, how about me? Right? How about me? And then they go, no, you're five. You're seven. Seven. You're at the end. And then they have to go, and I always make a face. I always go.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Put first class first and then go back? No. Because I'll tell you why that's not going to work. First class should go last. I'll tell you why not. Why? Because you're going to know this, okay? You like to stare at the people as they walk by.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I know you love that. I have my face. I know. And I do this. I sit like this, and I always have my hand out like this, right? And when they lock eyes, I go like this. I go... Oh, move on? Yeah, like move on. Wow. Don't look, don't look. All right? Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
My shit's up there, right? Some guy's late. He moves it. Not just moves it. He does something different. Like he tries to fucking catch... He tries to Tetris it, right? I get it. And he puts his stuff, jams yours twisted. You have no idea what's in mine. I could have some biohazard material. And you sometimes do. I sometimes do, right? So don't touch mine and Tetris my shit.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Would you do this? Huh? If you were an aisle or a window. Sure. And you had to be a window, a middle to do it.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. How are you, man? Yeah. You know, we got our tickets late. And so me and my wife, we don't have seats next to each other. But if you switch my wife, you know, she could sit next to me. So can you switch, please? She's got the middle.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
You weren't looking at me. I wasn't looking at you, right?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Deaf and blind. And then if that doesn't work, you go a little bit of like twisty.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah. You pull the Keller. Yeah, so that's good. Pull a Keller. Would you pull a Keller?
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Yeah, I pretend. And then he goes and tells someone and they start a Reddit thread. They do. Yeah. When they ask me, I've had older white dudes who ask me, like, hey, where's your family from? Right? And you already know one that he wants to know.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Because if you tell him you're Korean, then he has a story. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear the story. I went to Seoul one time. Yeah, or like his grandfather was in the war or something.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
I knew who that is. Fucking George. Yeah, that's him. So I just make up a place. Oh, where are you from? Bangbang. You're from Bongbong? Yeah, yeah. How far is that from? Bongwanese. Oh, Bongwanese. Yeah, yeah. Bong Island. Oh, it's an island. Yeah, yeah. And we're known for, if you want to know. I would love to. Yeah, yeah. We have a special kind of corn that we crop. Ooh, what color? Purple.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
No, I had everything set up. I had the cat crates, everything set up.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Wow. Yeah, and then we're also the best at making whistles. That's you guys? Yeah, we make whistles. We invented that. You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're different than regular whistles.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Some Filipinos don't want to get dark. They don't bother going to the ocean.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Because in the Philippines, there's so many white people, white old people that just stays there for a long time. But then here, I can't stay for a long time.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Is there a way to, like, prove that, like, I'm okay, I'm an okay Filipino?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Well, I tried white dick and I told you guys that that was too translucent.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
I have a question. Yeah. Here we go. Jazz it up. Do you guys ever get ingrown hairs in your balls?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Because I just got my first ingrown, and it's like a big cyst. Oh. And it's so painful.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
But that's the most realistic thing. Mushroom zombies? Cordyceps. They do that.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Oh, yeah, dude. Just this moment of like- I don't know anything about it. Please explain to me that catastrophe.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I don't even know what that means. I made that up. Oh, that. See, it's like a freighter boat. Freighter boat ran into a bridge. Dark Knight. They had those in Dark Knight.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Dark night boat. I call it a dark night boat. In the biz, we call it a dark night boat. Because remember in the first Batman movie, wasn't there like a thing where he first goes, I'm Batman, which is a dead on impression.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm sorry. I got defensive, and I apologize. That's okay. She's beautiful, and I love her as a human.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Mine was completely made up. Short stack sounds great. It's a short stack ship. I call Brad William a short stack. Yeah. All right. So that's my nickname for him. But my point is, is this what happened here?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I've said that when I was entering a woman's vagina. Yeah, that's a fuck, fuck. No, but in a panic like that. Like I shouldn't be doing it. Oh. Right? Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Are you out of your mind? That's what I heard. I turned down a pod with so-and-so. He got mad, by the way. Why? He came up to me. The first thing out of his mouth was like, hey, buddy, you don't want to pod with me? And I go, oh no, when Andrew's not there, it's weird. You know what I mean? Didn't you do one with DeStefano? Called you out.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I'm not lying. I had sex with one time many, many years ago with a 400-pound woman.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I... I did it, though, like a soldier. Yeah, you went through with it. Yeah, because sometimes you're numb, right? You're in Hamburger Hill. Mm.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You get it, right? You're going through it. Right, and your sergeant goes, we got to fucking take over this hill. And you're up first. Yeah, and you don't want to, but you end up up there anyway, and you get friends slaughtered and whatnot, but you're still fighting for your life. Yeah. Black Hawk down. Black Hawk down. Yeah. Say it's so Asian. Yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know, I recently saw the Netflix documentary on it. Yeah. And I rewatched the movie.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. You're coming back. So anyway. Oh, yeah. So that's what I did with this lady. How was it?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. Well, see, the thing is, at that time, this was pre-Mad TV. Oh, before you got on. Yeah, so before I got on. Let me tell you right now.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
My little spelunker. But here's the sad part of the story, and I feel so bad about it, and I think about it all the time, and I feel so bad about it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
They do have wintergreen. They also have strawberry watermelon ice, baby.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
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Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I know, but it's like, I've never, we don't have that kind of, and he was mad. Yeah. But I love him.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
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Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know, most people, they'll go to the Salvation Army, right, to get their t-shirts. Not this guy. Kith.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I've never shared it on a group level. I don't even know if I should. Go on. But I'm going to do it anyway, right? So years later, when I got on Matt, this and that, I redid the room. I think as I was featuring for someone big, you know what I mean? And... I don't know why, but I was walking, you know, when they bring you up, I was walking toward the stage.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Somebody grabbed my jacket or my shirt, long-sheet shirt, and I look over and it's her. I just see this fat hand on my- How strong was that grip?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, it was more like a leper grabbing you back in the day. Oh, you were like, get away from me. I did this. I went... I pulled it away like that. Yeah. And then after my set, I ran down, out, so she couldn't grab me. Damn. And I stayed in the green room so I wouldn't run into her. I feel so bad about it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I've been in the kith, yeah. I've been in the kith with you in New York.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's interesting that you say that because you're absolutely wrong.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I have a drawer in my bedroom with gummy colas. Great. Right? I've never seen you be a sweets boy. And then I have bags of these candies with salt in it, in the middle of it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
oh so it's sweet and savory yeah yeah right you know what your candy the Mexican like when they use the mango and they put that stuff what's it called what are you talking about babe Bobby's oh you're talking about tajin yes there's a tajin in the middle yeah so it's got a little spice a little bit of spice you know it's funny dude because whenever we go eat
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. Well, I'm going to say something. You're coming at me today. No, I'm not coming at you, dude. You're coming at yourself. My kith shirt? Yeah, you're coming at yourself, dude. And that's the sad part. How am I coming at myself? You're like, well, you guys were talking about me.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I want to say something to you. I've always thought this, and I don't want to be rude. Oh, man. And I don't want to cause any friction. I think it's going to do both. No, I don't think so. I think I'm being very mindful about it. But it's an observation I've had over the years. I've never been brave enough to tell you.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But you're one of those comics, like if you didn't do comedy, I just don't know. Oh, what I do? Yeah, yeah. You know what? I have a prediction what you would have been doing. Yeah. I know. Yeah, so you know you go to Soho and they have those boutique shops. It's always some sort of arbitrary name like F-Z-Z-N-Y. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So let's go into Vizzini or whatever, right? Vizzini. And then you go in there and there's like this guy. He looks like a John Wick villain. He's got a black overcoat. Oh, yeah. Right? And just like tattoos on the neck.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, eyeliner. A lot of jewelry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know how much they make. Probably not good. Who cares? Who cares? That's what you'd be doing.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
dude i have another observation okay i'm so sorry he goes you and your dad are best that was very good that's very good what you said i just i know so he also seems like this guy right where you meet a girl yeah a beautiful girl right yeah and you go hey you want to go out there because i have a boyfriend right and then when you actually meet it's like him yeah and i'm like what the fuck you're dating this guy for that's okay am i right warm am i getting warm yeah yeah very warm yeah
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I understand it now. I know you have a girlfriend, a wife. I have a fiance. I understand it now like I understand Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis with his girl, the influencer lady, would have never made sense in any other scenario. Besides what? Besides famous comic influencer. I don't think so.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I already know what to say after that. I hope so. You just did the episode. Yeah, you did a bit about, I did a bit about your little back. Let me see.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And he'd be like, shut up. He looks like a white guy that's been in water like a dead corpse. Oh my God. Are you calling him bloated? No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying the eyes bulge like it's been like in a swamp.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I like it. And we have that relationship, right? I'm not, you know, Shane, if you're listening right now or if you get this clip. He will. I give you props all day long. You're one of the funniest comics on planet Earth, right? You're the king. Yeah. And you deserve all your success. That's not what I'm saying. But you were saying before.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I just think you have like, you know, in Lord of the Rings, like maybe the second or third movie, right? Remember Frodo and those guys went to the swamp? Yeah. And Gollum's like, don't look in the water. Who's in the water? These dead elves from like thousands of years ago.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know what I mean? That's all I'm saying. Just don't look in the water. You're starting a war. Yeah, I'm not starting a war. Anyway, I didn't mean it in a bad way. Soho store is just... Crazy. Whenever I go to those stores, I look at the guy and I go, oh, there's a version of Dan Sartor. That's what you think? Damn. What are you doing? Why can't you back me once?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Because I think you're insanely wrong. I think you're fucked up. You're out of bounds. Don't do that. I'm sorry. Don't do that. I don't like what you're fucking doing either.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm tired of being bullied by people like you. I'm saving you from a war. I tried to fucking befriend you at the tour. See what he's doing?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Hey, everyone from Texas, Houston specifically, I need you to buy tickets for my show on, what is it, March 28th and 29th of this year. Go to HoustonImprov.com. Buy the tickets or I'm going to hurt myself. I'm going to hurt myself. I might die.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. You went after my friend. You're the bully, dude. Well, the next time I say a thing, disagree with me. You know what? Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's the new rule.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
He has a little gay disc in his back. He's a gay disc. They're dismantled. What a crybaby, huh?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Okay. That's right. Thank you. A point we can all agree on. Ready? You think everything you say I agree with? No. I always laugh and I always agree. Yeah. Why? That's what friendship's all about. All right? I don't know your diabolical East Coast fucking way of thinking.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, we were on our way to Florida. Yeah. And we were in Florida. I feel like you were one of the last people to text. I think that's what it was. Oh. I would honestly check the receipt. Now, I'm just testing you. You're supposed to agree with me. I thought the rule was-
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I was testing him. He doesn't follow the rules. Bobby, look at me. I'm sorry. That was on me. There we go. It's as easy as that. Give me something to agree with. We're back in. Right? Dax Flame definitely has a bigger penis than you.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
There it is. I want you to be loyal. Got it. Okay? Done. And I will agree with everything you say. Say something that I might not agree with, but I'll agree with it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I agree. And whenever I'm eating them, I don't even understand why it's in my mouth. Do you understand how easy that is? Yeah, throw it back to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good exercise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like a... All right. No. No, let him go. You look like a fluffer in gay porn.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Wow, wow, wow. Ooh. This is so good. Wait, what's mine? Interesting. Interesting. It's interesting, but also clever. Interesting. Interesting, interesting, interesting.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
How do you feel about the homeless? How do I feel about them? Give me a genuine, yeah, your opinion.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Reanimate? Yeah, and now it's March. Do the position. Yeah. March. March. Yeah, exactly.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, yeah, exactly. You just did the de-thawing of a homeless man. Perfect. And that's comedy 101. That's called a comedy. And that's what we do here at Bad Friends. And that's how talented he is.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
All right, let's... All right, let's get it out. Let's get it out in the open.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Put fur on me. What about Goonies? No. I can't touch that. You can't touch it. It's pitch perfect.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Child endangerment. Yeah, kids wouldn't do it, so that's why it wouldn't make any sense.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
My parents didn't go to the cops. Why would they? Because they just knew you were going to come back. I came in the house after a week. My dad goes, huddle. And I go, all right. And that's the reception?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, yeah. So what I want to say is, you've never talked about me?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
This is a controversial thing I want to say. Let her rip. I feel like the bullying that I received was necessary. Yes. When you were a kid. Yes. Put your head in this toilet. You're not going to be able to breathe for two minutes.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Oh, my God. Like old school, I was locked in a locker for four hours. No way.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It was half locker, so I had to... It was insane. What grade? Ninth. No, even younger, like probably second grade or third grade.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I definitely heard teachers walk by and I was screaming and they didn't even help me.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, go to the lounge, go to the lounge, go to the lounge. I just feel like that sort of like made me strong enough to do comedy almost.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
The last gig that he did here. Bars. Did you do the show? The last gig? The Will Turn one with Bill Burr and Shane Gillis. I did that show, yeah. Yeah. I was an ass.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I don't remember. I really recall. I feel like you'd remember. I think you're right. I think you made it up. Yeah. Oh, my bad. I got caught in a lie.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That hurts me so bad, dude, that you wouldn't, that's really hurtful.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
This is bullshit. Fuck you. Welcome to the show, and thanks for doing it. Yeah, absolutely. Thanks for having me. I'm in a mood. I'm sorry.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's good, that's good, that's good. I have problems with some other kings here, man. If we're doing this, let's go ahead. D.L. Hughley, Steve Harvey. I have problems with them as well. And rest in peace. Yeah, yeah. Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac, the king of all kings.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
The true king. The true king of kings. Right. Who has bulgiers like somebody else we know. What are you doing, bro? Who are you talking about?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And you're going to get done. Sometimes Slovenia needs to start a war with the United States. No?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I don't know what was with me that day, but... You were grooving. No, I wasn't grooving. I was out of bounds, out of pocket. And, you know, because you're such a big star.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's something you say coming out of a nap. Shopify. Guess what? Guess what? Oh, what? What?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Well, I'll tell you. We have the best online business because we use Shopify.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
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Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
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Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
right i love when carlos laughs at me because you know he gets my comedy somebody gets your comedy oh my god all right here we go okay here we go yeah let's not do this right now dude you know i i want to say to you this because i heard you oh i want to say this absolutely destroyed in phoenix shut up dude just all right now let me say that roof off
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, okay. I'll throw this out. Billy Burr. Yeah, he goes, his way of saying, he's like, he'll call me kiddo, right? Does he rub your head? You guys are the same age. I know, and he doesn't really, you know what I mean? Talk to me that much.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I love him. He loves you too. We've worked together many times. Yeah. Anyway, let's move on. Okay. Shots are fired. Shots are not fired. No? Why? Because I said that Shane Gillis is bloated looking? How is that a shot fired?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Oh, my God, dude. You're fucked. Damn. Shut up. Imagine a nudist beach and Shane Gillis at it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You're humming hot. I'm humming hot right now. I'm on fire, dude. You're pinned. I'm going to try to dig my way out. All right. When that whole thing happened with Shane, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, I was the first one to defend him. Number two, the first time I saw him perform, I thought to myself, Oh, I would never want to follow that. Yeah. He's a beast. Yes. He's an absolute beast, right? He's at the top of his game. Absolutely. He's got a beautiful girlfriend, right? Yes. I know his dad. I love him. Phil's a legend. Great guy, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I've been only respectful to his family, right? I did a little dick. I did a little, I did a little dick.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I only have the greatest admiration. He's one of the kings of the world right now. He's a beast. And I discovered this when we did... No, please don't call him. I discovered this when me and Shane were guest stars on the Bert and Tom show in Vegas. Yeah. I went up first, right? And he was supposed to go before me, and I switched it. I brought Shane on. Mm-hmm.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I have to say, Saturday Night Second Show was one of my best performances. Wow. But I also want to say this, okay? That you have no idea how I feel about you.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And this was in front of 15,000, 20,000 seats. I was there. Yeah, you were there. Yeah. And when I said his name, the kind of response that he got went through my, I had a spiritual awakening. Yeah. You felt that?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Is that a slam? Doesn't sound like that's what you said. I'll tell you what I said. I think you have bulgy eyes.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, no. Oh, when it's positive, you want to move on? I'm over it. No, I'm not over it. All right? I love you like your family. And with my family, you kind of do little dig digs, right on the side.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
We're cutting all that out. I have control of this podcast. We're going to cut all that out. Dude. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's it for me. Well, you know what? It was a good run. I think it's my way to get out. It's a good run. It's a good run. It's my way to get out. I'll get out. It's my way to get out.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
All you do is sleep. It's literally all I do. No, but the last three days I haven't because I've been traveling and stuff. Okay, I haven't been sleeping.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm not in my right mind. And I think that what I did was not right. And it was like, I don't even think that's how I really feel. I think it was just a guy just out of his mind talking. Dude, I get it. You get it. I respect it, man. And I apologize. You don't look like a security guard at a boutique. Honestly, I would have taken that over what you originally said.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That says I am there to secure the... And I think you were one of the first people to text me when I got hurt. when I woke up and I heard about it. And we have a great relationship.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Okay. So I'm the one that needs to change. I'm the wrong. I'm the bad guy. That level of accountability. Yeah, and I'm ashamed. Don't be. Of the bullshit that I said.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm trying to figure out if I really believe what I said. So I'm going through that right now. You know what I mean? Just being honest with you. Do I really feel that way? Maybe, maybe not. But I shouldn't have said it out loud. That's okay. I'll tell you that right now. In fact, I will say this. I do believe what I said. All of it. Oh. But I shouldn't have said it out loud.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. Ari Shafir told me that, he said this out loud, so I, you know, that he, the way, you know, his girlfriend, great girlfriend, right? That the reason he met her in the first place is he wasn't masturbating for a long time. And then when that happens, it motivates you to like, you know, when you meet a girl, they're like, hey, meet us at the bar. You don't go? It motivated him to go.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, because he had four balls. Yeah, yeah. So I think it is a good advice.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, go empty the clip. And maybe that's why I'm acting the way I am today.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And so, Shane, if you're listening, don't start a war with me. Yeah, dude. I'm horned up. You get what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, so I apologize. And I think people listening get it. Oh, huh. I think they get it. I think they get it too. Any rational person would get it. Yeah. Now, can I ask you another question? What do you think of Pizzeria Bianco in Phoenix?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, I know. South on I-10. So years ago, a film critic in New York Times said that that's the best pizza on planet Earth. And it became a gigantic, hours away. Big planet. Yeah. Big planet to say Earth, dude. That's insane. And I went there again.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Hartford, Connecticut, Funny Bone. They were so rude to me. That's why I've never been back.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, the management there. Really? I did one weekend there, and the manager at the last night, and I'd seen him around all weekend, finally introduced himself. And he was kind of like, here's your check.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Would you have taken it if he was full balls? No, twice I've been there.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know what? You're right. Maybe you're right. Yeah. So, Connecticut has the best pizza.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I think that it's the best in the top five I've ever had, probably.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I think you're going wrong with it. I think you're going wrong with it, and I'm going to convince you otherwise. Kettle glaze? Yeah. The wrong way to go? Yeah. I would go, have you ever had sidecar?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, you go, you don't need all of this. But I'm going to double down now, my friends, okay? And I'm going to show you something that's going to blow your minds, if I may. Please. In Korea. I'm already out.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So there's a, they have one now, so this is a Korean company that they have one in Koreatown, and it's called Old Fairy Donut. Okay. Okay.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Go. I honestly think Pizza Hut. Yes. Number one. Number one is Pizza Hut. Because the crust is buttery and something about it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But it's not real. That's like a fake. I do meth, but I'm Colorado sober. That's Colorado sober. It's the same thing. It doesn't make any sense.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, but the pizza, Little Caesars is still around. Oh, yeah. Is it? Dude, what? Every corner.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
When I play Chicago improv, sometimes they get me a fresh Lou Malnati. Yeah. It's pretty good. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It's pretty good. It's very good. I like deep dish. I don't care what you feel about it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love it. It's heavy. It's too heavy for a regular.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. Fork and knife. So I had this Filipino family, Kalilah's End, come from Philippines one summer. And we went to that deep dish pizza place in Los Feliz or Echo Park.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Masa. Yeah, masa. Yeah. Very good. Yeah, it's great. They didn't eat it. What? They don't know what it is.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It's just a mushed up tomato. They're not going to like that. But let me say something to you, y'all. Okay.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
When I'm in a different country, I'll check all of it out, and I'll try it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
When I saw him in the alleyway in Australia, he had a glaze over his eyes. I don't know what he was on.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. They didn't even attempt it? Look at that thing. How would you not try that?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, take a bite. Being like, take a bite. I also made reservations. You guys got to check out this. Yeah. You know what I mean? Put thought into it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
The producer? You know how sometimes you're in the mood for spaghetti and a chicken leg?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But the one in the Philippines that I've been to, the quality is different. It's better.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, yeah. In fact, I'm not going to, you know what, you're right. I'm going to be more mindful about it. I'm not going to say what I want to say about Julian McCullough. I think it's another war. Go ahead, let me hear it. You might as well, dude. You're starting it up. So when I met him, he used to live in LA. Yeah. Yeah. And I thought, what a handsome fella.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, I guess he's still got it. Okay. What did you think? Did you see him on an off night? Yeah, so when I saw him recently, he just got older. That's it. Like we all do.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Can I tell you why you are? Because I'm hanging out with somebody. She was introducing me to these family members. Sure. And there was a guy involved. And he was like, do you know Dennis Holder? No, they were white. Oh. Sorry. You know what though?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, he has lots of things. I do agree. I should have something. You have sugar-free Red Bull and cigarettes. Yeah, but sometimes I want more to drown my sorrows. What do you want? I mean, sometimes I would love to smoke weed, you know what I mean, to zone out. But you don't need to. I don't need to, and I've been... Three years, I haven't. So that's great. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, but he is a huge fan of yours. Oh, that's awesome. He's like, I love, you know, what's he like? You know what I mean? Yeah. I swear to God. And I'm like, who, Dan? He goes, yeah, what's he like? He seems to be his biggest fan. He's the man. I've seen people talk about you many times. Really? So there is a level of fame, and you know it because when you go to clubs, you sell out, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So why does that happen? Because I've been going to cities for years? That's not why. It's because your presence is elevated. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, you're right. Can we agree with that? So how are you dealing with it?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I just randomly walked in. Can I sit down on your podcast? Also, people that we have on this podcast are people that are elevated.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm shocked when people are like, come to my shows and it's sold out or whatever. I always turn to the manager and go, is there some sort of promotion going on? And they go, what do you mean? I go, I mean, is it a two for one or what's going on? He goes, no, it's regular price and you sold out. And I'm always, I look in the audience and I go, wow.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm glad you said that, because that was my worst turnout of all time. I aged them all of them. Oh, my God.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Because my fear, though, is that once that door is open, I do all the other stuff, and I can't have that. Yeah. So I just decide to do all... I mean...
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's crazy. I do get resentments, though, of clubs that didn't treat you well. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then now you won't play them? Yeah. I got a couple. What do you mean? Totally. I got a couple. Is that right, though? Is that healthy?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
yeah the clubs I play now are the clubs are necessarily not because of the draw but it's because they treated me when I was down yeah really when I talked about Hartford Connecticut at that funny bone I was down then yeah right and I just want people to be regular and nice yeah when they're when they're when they're good to you when they don't have a reason to be I have loyalty yeah you're like oh cool then I'll come back
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I know, but I'm just... Sober Carlos. My history with Carlos is this. When I first met him, he was full-blown in Alcoholics Anonymous. It was great. And anyone that's in AA, right? People aren't because they had like, you know what I mean? An accident. It takes a lot of pain and suffering to drive you into a 12-step group.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And to be committed to it, right? So that's, you know your history with it, right? You know that you're an alcoholic and drug addict. Do you?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Have I done any drugs or alcohol since I got sober three years ago?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But this, okay. You see what he's doing? That's the drug addiction Jedi shit.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You're a rat trapped in a corner. You're a rat trap. Yeah, you're a rat trap, dude.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So Andrew did his special. He did four shows. I did. To cut it together. It's going to be a wonderful piece of artwork.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It's so funny because when I look in the mirror, I look at my character defects as well. So I know what my problems are. You don't know what your problems are?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
no no I do think it affected the way that I moved at the end moved tickets at the end oh I see do you know what I mean like it definitely changed because people the first time I played the Philadelphia Helium yeah I love that club I showed up at the club I'm not kidding it's not an exaggeration I showed up at the first show on a Friday night there was seven people
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Right? And I kind of looked around. I go, oh, I guess I'm not big here. They're like, oh, no. It's just literally right across the street. Chappelle's there. And I go, oh, I got booked, right? And then the second show was full, and half the audience was like, oh, we saw the Chappelle show earlier, and we came to both. That's pretty rad. Still, the first show, I was going to kill myself.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
What is going on here? I don't know, man. Something's going on, though. Like, do you not believe? That could have been a disaster, dude. Yeah, everybody dead. Everyone dead.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So hear me out, guys. I heard your joke. And I'm sorry I didn't laugh.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Andrew, was I gaslighting? No, there was no lighting there. Thank you. There was no lighting from Andrew.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, there's no light. And if you saw one, it was dim. Sodie! Sodie, sit down, you dum-dum. No, you're not a dum-dum, dude. Yeah, he's one of the dumbest, dude. He's one of the dumbest on Earth.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No. No. You're right. All right, let me finish this point, and then we'll get to you, Dan Soder.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
The last time we did a gig together, you weren't that nice to me.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But there's no real this. Well, yeah, because it was two gigs we hung out with. I know. Where was it? On the Burt tour. On the Burt tour. So it's chaos.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Let me finish my theory here, Dan, and we'll get to you. Okay. All right? Anyway.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. So I think the reason why there's a connection between the flights, you know what I mean? Getting in these accidents. All the flight crashes. And the drones that we saw a month ago. Oh, the Chinese drones? Wasn't there a lot of drones a couple of months ago? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Around, right? New Jersey, right? New Jersey. It was in California as well. It was everywhere. Really? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Do you ever see Zero Dark Thirty, brother? Oh, yeah. Have you seen Zero Dark Thirty? Yeah. I haven't. You haven't?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Okay. Well, guess who caught? Who did they track? Let me ask you. Who did they track to get to Osama bin Laden? Exactly, right? The courier. The mail delivery guy? No, he used one guy for information. So there was one guy that would drive to his- Abu Ahmed Al-Kuwait. Abu Ahmed Al-Kuwait.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I never talked about your dog. I mean, your wife. No, I'm kidding. That's crazy.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Right? That dude, right? Is that Amir K? It is Amir. And now he's doing stand-up. And he's very successful. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Right, right, right. Just being a hilarious stand-up comic. Yeah. You don't use the courier for Osama bin Laden. In a movie, I would cast Michael Peña, I think. 100% looks like Michael Peña. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And not Amir Kay. No, it'd be Michael Peña. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so I think... So in the... One lady in the CIA was like, I think we should track the carrier. And everyone was like, no, no, no, no, no. Right. But that ended up being the truth. Yeah. And she didn't even really know what the connection was, but she followed a gun instinct. I think that's what I'm doing with the fucking drones.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
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Bad Friends
Rat Island
No, no, no. All right. Let that sink in. I don't want it to. Yeah, it's already. Just clean it off. Once you get HIV, you have it. Not anymore, dude. I know, but I haven't taken the cocktail yet. Well, please do. Yeah, so I just took some of HIV.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
No, listen, if this is gonna be about the truth and if we're putting it on the table, let's just do it. Let's not like, you know, let's be cowboys.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Are you dazed? Yes. Or confused? Both? Both. Yeah. It was a great movie. Yeah, it was a great movie.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
So I just heard your truth. And you know what? Nice, fancy, way to go. So anyway, wow, what a great trip.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I didn't want to do so double soap it is too much like you get extra clean yeah what does that even fucking mean I didn't want to do two soaps but it's not your body it's your breath that's what they meant you can't wash that in the shower you can't wash you know can we discuss can we discuss that for a second okay there was no discussion there's not anything that smells particularly like that
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why prostitutes don't kiss, yeah. Do you kiss them?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You go, that's a mixture of poo, pee, generations of it, right? Whatever, right? When you're in Skid Row, right? You kind of know what those smells are, you know what I mean? People that are BO, dirty, you know what I mean? Yeah. Et cetera, et cetera. I get that.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
With his is a particular kind of skank. Pretty interesting. Yeah, stench. That you don't know quite what it is. Right, what is it? It's like there's salami, right? But then there's also dirt. But then there's also like, you know what I mean? Like, you know... Vomit. Vomit. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But it's like, also, here's another thing that you can do, which is, I think, an X-Men power. You can project it from across the room. Whoa, that is like a power if you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I... I can literally walk in a room and go, oh, Carlos is here before even I see you. Whoa. I'll be real. I'll go, oh, Carlos. I don't even have to look. You're just there. Does it leave a trail or something?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
oh my god what are we going what was no no don't do that don't do that yeah yeah why i'm still alive though okay when's the last time you saw a doctor i'll see my dad in a couple days and i'll see what's up wait oh so your dad is your doctor oh yeah i just text him and then you call him doctor dad doctor dad on nbc wait a minute do you what does he ever run blood work on you
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the blood is like, mm-mm. Even like when, like sometimes I'll say, get me mints.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm trying not to be rude. Right? It's a message. He doesn't get it. Yeah, get me gum, mints, right? And get me, you know what I mean? Toothpaste. Mouthwash, everything, right? It's not for me. I don't use it. It's for you. Okay.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We're getting it. We're getting it. Yeah, we're going to be doing that quite frequently on this podcast.
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Rat Island
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Bad Friends
Rat Island
I think you've influenced them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's basically baby know-it-all.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Good boy. He's learning. Yeah. Good boy. You're actually coming... But my kind of know-it-all, Carlos, is you, right? What up, man? Yeah, what's up, bro? What's up? There's a few things he doesn't know.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You know what it is, dude? You're such a know-it-all. He does. He knows everything. He knows everything. It drives me crazy. Why'd you ask me then?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
What am I doing? What? Who was that? You're a dentist? No, no. It's worse. Every woman that makes my life... Okay.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Bro. Bro, dude. That's the problem. That is. Yeah, yeah. I think we found it. Yeah, we found the problem. You're brushing your teeth with Sprite?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Just do it with Pop Rocks. Those fits do, dog. Do you smell? I mean, is there other smells in your body that you're not aware or privy to?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I do also have to say that the shows versus the shows we did in America a couple years ago were way tighter.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
She squirted breast milk and it's sour. It doesn't taste like oat milk or. Right.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And can I say something too? Probably one of the best breasts I've ever seen. Gorgeous. You saw them, right?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm like, God, you're fucking... I love... And Dakota? Dakota, oh my God. She's the shit. She's so not what you think.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But you see a lot of young actors, because I know a lot, that they play by the Hollywood rules so they don't want to say the wrong thing or they're just very in the middle about things. Political. Political. Yeah. She seemed to be, she reminded me more of a comic. She floats her own way. She's like cool. Doesn't give a fuck. She loved the show. Yeah. The show was wild.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I went Monday. Yeah, not tonight. And tonight. No, not tonight. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah, yeah. So what time have you been sleeping?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I mean, just a little thing. What is it? I did go up to him before the show and I go, make sure you get me coming out.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right. I do have to say my relationship with McCone got better on the trip. Mm-hmm.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
let's talk about the best hotels you think we stayed at I think the coolest one we stayed at was the W the W was good in Brisbane yeah that hotel was wildly dope but also my second was the Ritz Carlton the last night of yeah Was it Perth? What night? Perth.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Oh, the crown. The crown, I mean, yeah. Oh, the crown, yeah. But we had Nobu that night. Incredible. Incredible.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Oh, my God. You're going to drive me crazy with that pattern. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah. Here's another Memphis, Tennessee. Just a tank. Yeah. But it wasn't. That show was incredible.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Since this is The Honest Show. Yeah. When you get low, you get low. When I get low. That's what I said.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right? And there's always like a 12-hour period where it's like we just know not to. But what happens to your mind there?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Everyone that's listening, this is what he does. This is what he does, okay? Yeah. Because he's Mr. Know-It-All, okay? That's my new name. Yeah, Mr. Know-It-All.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
It's scary. Yeah. I get really, I feel so bad for you. Well, thank you. No, I'm being real. I'm always like going, oh my God. I mean, I can't imagine.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We try to get you out of it, but then we don't even, we don't say anything. I don't think I said anything to you that day. No, you didn't. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And so Mr. Know-It-All, he obviously, we do a group meeting. We do. when he has his little TED Talks, right? He goes, this is what we need to do.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
So he says, from Perth to Australia, right? Don't sleep at all. We were in the airport. Perth to Sydney. Sorry. Okay. That's another know-it-all thing you just said. I'm going to let it go.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, like the good old days. There's a resentment. Your behavior, there is. There is something there. There has to be something there.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I know, but the problem with the Australia trip is that there was just too much traveling. I mean, what I would want is to be in Sydney for two or three extra days, two days, so we can travel around. I know we lose money that way.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Dude, I'm Mr. Know-It-All. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Know-It-All. That's my gig. All right, so from Perth to Sydney, don't sleep it up, which is like a four and a half hour flight. Four hours, yeah. What did I do? Slept the whole time. The whole time. I stayed awake the whole time. Because when he says something to do, I go the opposite. Smart. I'm Know-It-All's nemesis. Wait a minute.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You mean London. So when we go to London. No, when we go to London, I don't want to be like flying in and flying out. I want to spend two or three days. I want to go to the Emirates and look at the Arsenal.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We go there? Yeah, yeah. Can I say something about you? Yeah. She saw the Champions League game. Did you see it or the highlight?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And so I know. What do you mean? Same thing. I would love to bond with you. I know. I love it. So let me ask you something about our bond, right? Yeah. Do you love the team?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, so here's what happened, okay? We were going to go and then you go, I don't want to have lunch.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But then you were mad that we had lunch without you. Because you went to a fucking five-star restaurant.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We looked and looked and looked, and then we found this place, and then- Oh, we stumbled into a Michelin restaurant? No, literally we did. We walked by it- Cause there's no sign.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
It was like stumbled into a Michelin restaurant. Yeah. So then I go, no, we Googled it. There it is. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
So there was a, so we walked by and then, and then, and you go, I don't think we it's here. I think it's gone. Yeah. I go, I think, you know that fancy door that's got stairs going down?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, and she checked. It was the restaurant. Yeah, gold flag. And you had to ring a doorbell.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right? Then we got buzzed in. Yep. Walked down the stairs and it was probably one of the best meals we had, I think, there.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
yeah and then so we educate her and she memorized a bunch of things and now you can wear the jacket I think I think you can wear the jacket I really like them because it's like I get super into certain shows like Mr. Robot wait wait why are you guys laughing no it's cute why because it's sweet there's something else look at Carlos I don't I just thought it was nice
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Whoa, whoa, whoa. That sounded... What? The reason why I like soccer is because... When you do score, it's just that much more potent.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Well, can I say something to you? Have I not been showing up to places? No, you do. Lately, I've been being very mindful about going to different places.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
If you're going to be anal, then no. I am, I'm sure. Well, I'm gonna be a mess.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
There's another thing that I've noticed is at this comedy store, people have been like, I had a waitress come up to me and go, have you been working out? I go, no. Why are you laughing? I'm saying the Ozempic is working. And then Steph Tolove goes, oh, I see it now.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
What are you doing? See, that's what I'm saying. He wants me to overdose on Ozempic. No, don't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants me to die.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Well, last night I went to Shabu Shabu. It was my first meal. Of the day. Of the day. And then after the store, Andrea Jin goes, let's go have dinner. I'm like, I already ate. And she's like, just go. So I went to... Soon and Dang. Right? And they had a couple of dumplings. That's nothing. And then I went to, dude, I've been going to Wii Spa every day. It's been great.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
In fact, last night at Wii Spa, it's so interesting. I'm in the fucking dry sauna, completely naked. And I sit like this. That's how you're supposed to sit. You know what I mean? I just got to sit like this. I lean like this. And there's a lot of black guys in there, which I love. I go, what's up, bro? I go, what's up, man? You got to show off. Yeah, and I do this.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm not afraid of my little guy, right? There's two white dudes sitting there, and I'm looking at them like this. I was looking at them like this, and they were like, what are you looking at, man? You guys. Yeah, I'm looking right at you. Yeah, yeah, and they go, oh. And I go, what do you guys do? I go, we're actors. We just moved here from, I forgot where.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
You know, I got there, and we talked a little bit about, it's dry, you know what I mean? And then later when I'm done, they come up to me and they go, you're Bobby Lee, I can't believe it. I go, why didn't you say that in the dry song? Yeah, why'd you say that?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But it's like, you can just say, you're Bobby Lee, right? What's the problem here?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
no so we suppose it see that's see what see that photo right there they give you clothes and so there's a like a you know a co-ed area of the spa but there's no nudity there's no nudity where there's like a clay room a salt room and then we're fully clothed with other people right and you steam out there and do your thing there you can meditate you can there's yoga there's a women's department too right anyway the controversy was if you go to we spa there's kids sure
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Running around. You know, there's like a lot of like, in my section, little boys running around.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah. Even late at night, you'll see like a Korean kick on. You know what I mean? Right, and you're trying to like, you know, maybe be cool, you know, but you know what I mean? Yeah. You gotta be cool. Gotta be cool, man. So a couple years ago, a man, a woman, a trans woman, right, who hasn't had the procedure. Sure. Went to the women's department. Uh-huh. And there's little girls there.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Right. I think that's what happened, right, Reed? It's right here. Yeah, and then- There was protests because they kicked the guy out, the girl out.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, do it again, dude. Ready? Yeah, yeah. Well, this is out. This is stopped. I had my eyes closed. No, okay. Because I couldn't breathe. You're the guy in choir. I really liked it. Keeps going. I really liked it. Let's do it one more time. Ready? Right, but I want to keep your eyes with it. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh. Dude, we're like a barbershop quartet. That was incredible.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And they're like, you know, it's just a different culture. And it was just like, what else are they going to do?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I'm talking about five, six-year-old kids running around. Right. And it's just a part of Korean culture to bring your kids to a spa. It's like, you know. Yeah. And I would do it if I was a father. And I don't know. I just think that it's inappropriate.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And here's another thing that I did. A long time ago, you and I went bowling.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But then when we went to Sonny's birthday party, right, Charles Melton taught me exactly what you taught me, but I listened to what he said.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. Right? And I started bowling correctly, right? And I looked at you, and I think you were a little upset by it.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
But do you think that if you had a time machine and you went back where cavemen were, right? And you were wearing modern clothes, they would freak out? They probably, well, they'd kill you on sight. Like I'm wearing a FUBU tracksuit. You don't own that, do you? I know, but I would buy one. Like a full FUBU tracksuit. Yeah, they might like it. A fedora.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Do you think they'd be like... They'd kill you on sight. Oh, they would? Well, because you'd look like a future person.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. If we show up, me, Donnell. Yeah, yeah. You. Who else? Me. Doc. Me, you, Doc, Donnell. Yeah, Donnell. And just with full-blown identical tracksuits. Fubu tracksuits? Fubu tracksuits.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, you know, if he teaches me something, I refuse to listen. But if it's like anybody else, right, with the same knowledge, because he has all, he's Mr. Know-it-all, right? Mr. Know-it-all. But I don't know why that is. Why is that, you think?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Like that one movie, is it Alive or? Alive, yeah, the soccer team. The soccer team, yeah. Would you do it? I don't know what, I presume I would because I don't know what extreme hunger is like.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I hadn't ridden a bike since I was in high school and we rode a bike in fucking Australia.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
They're so cute. Rice, they're so cute. They're so fucking cute. Edible, by the way. They look very edible. Yeah. They look like porgs.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Little Andreses. So here's the situation here, guy, my friend. I'll tell you how the quokkas came into my... I told you, right?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Jim Jefferies. Right. Months ago, pulled me aside, mate, you gotta see the quokkas. Yeah. He told me the island and everything, right? So I've been thinking and dreaming about quokkas a long time. I get that. Yeah. And then when we got there, some fucking bloke, some Australian bloke, says to me, mate, you know why they call it Rottnest Island? I go, why?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
And he goes, because the first guy that went there, right, thought they were rats. So in my mind, I'm like, oh, they're not as... Because what we see, I thought they were going to be real small like rats. Me too, yeah. Right? But then when I saw... That's me. Look at that. You've taken a photo with one so beautifully.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, the little joey's coming out of the stomach. Dude, that was like magical. In love. In love with that.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, that was the last second. We were about to board the boat to go home. Well, because I don't... You know, when people go crazy over celebrities...
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go less crazy. I take a step back and I go, you know, I'm better than that, right? So there was a lot of quokka fawning. A lot of fawning. Yeah, right. So I'm like, no, you know what? I'm really cool about this. But after like two or three hours, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? It's a fucking quokka. Take a photo.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah, but I closed except for the one. Except for one what? One of the shows. You didn't close, what do you mean? Let me finish. He knows what I'm talking about.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
What did I do? I wasn't there, but I get the picture. You'll get the picture, right? So there's one show where he goes, you know what, Bob? I'm going to close this particular one. I'm like, wow, I thought I was going to close all of them. Right? And then it was the show that it was Dakota Fanning, Sarah Smooch. Smooch? Bridie and Slim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smooch. Right? Sure. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Now what I'm saying is that, so the one show that your celebrity friends are coming, you're like, I want to close because I want to make it seem.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Yeah. That's my partner, Brian. I love what you're doing. I love what you're doing right now. Dude, these are their words. Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't think... They go, I don't like him as a stand-up or as a podcaster.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
It was just an observation. I don't know if it's the truth. But I'm giving you the truth. It could have been one show where you're like... Here's the deal. It could have been one show. It was like, you know what? I just feel like closing out the second show.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
That was great. Well, welcome back. Welcome back, Carter. And let me say something. That's when you said, don't say welcome back again because I think of welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, yeah. Number one, I want to say we got back from Australia. And my sleep schedule is so wickily. Yesterday I woke up at five. Today I woke up at three. You know what I mean? Carlos looks confused and dazed.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
All right. What I'm saying is, is that. So your beef is not with me, pal. It's with the rat. All right. We call that rat. Rat island.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Let me say. All right. First of all, right. You rat fuckers, dude. Yeah, you both do, you rat fuckers. And number two, right? Don't hide now, pal. Don't hide. I'm going to say something to you, okay? You're one of the best comics on... First of all, cut it out. Let me finish. Stop, cut it out. He's one of the best comics on planet Earth, okay? No. Listen, right?
Bad Friends
Rat Island
We're playing in front of thousands of people, right? Do you know how hard it is? I'm blocking your face. Do you know how hard it is to follow this guy in any environment? He says this every time. We say the same thing about you. Okay. So my point is, is that, you know what I mean? I'm sorry that I, at times, don't want to work that hard. No. Okay? I'm sorry. I don't want to work that hard.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Now you two rats, right? Time out. Real fast. Real fast. The truth is out there and I love the truth.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
I just said, listen to me. I just admitted that I do complain. And now, that was some fucking Jedi shit, dude. That was on co-op.
Bad Friends
Rat Island
Now you're seeing it as an adult. So let me just go to the committee, okay? So McCone, all right? Now I have to burp. Yeah, McCone, look at me. Why do you think he wanted to go second? Just in your opinion. You know what I mean? Your opinion that only the second show on Melbourne...
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I'll say it in Korean. I'll say it in Korean. Okay, I hear you. I'll say it in Korean. Jingu na.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
What does Jingu mean? You've said it enough on this show.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Lass mich dir etwas sagen. Und ich kann nicht glauben, dass du das machst, weil ich das sagen werde. Geh schon. Als ich von dem Mann verhaftet wurde, war er in einer Volksband.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Und ich habe ihn performen sehen. Auf dich? Nein, danach. Nach dem Show.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
They do? Yeah. Not when they're being eaten by Chewbacca. Do you remember that scene where he grilled a porg?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ja, und ich hatte eine PTSD-Reaktion zu dem Show. Und ich musste weg. Okay. Und ich gab ihm 200 Dollar.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
So when we were doing the animation today, we did a little work. You gave me a lot of notes.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, and he gave me some notes. Andrew did? Some line readings, yeah. A lot. That's good. A lot. Every other line. Every other line.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, but then you're like, be a bat. Be a bat. So I'm literally... In the window. You guys know the truth. I brought something out of him, just like we do on the show.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Oh, it's the Mexican Venus Flytrap. I gotta catch it like this?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I also have a magical thing that happened to me. It's not really a comedy thing. It's a real thing, if I may share it. The molestation with the Down-Syndrom-Kids? No, no. That was funny. That was very funny. Rocket Money! Rocket Money!
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You think so? No. Ow, dude, you actually hurt your hand. All right. Let's start from the top. I don't like the way it started. Let's sing the song again.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Baby! Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash badfriends today. That's rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. Shopify, if you run a small business, you know there's nothing small about it. As a business owner, I get it. Our business is and has always been all-consuming since we started.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ja, ich meine, wir lieben Shopify, wir benutzen es und wir benutzen nur das Beste. Wir behandeln alle wichtigen Aufgaben in einem Ort, von Inventar zu Payments zu Analytics und mehr.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And if you're looking to grow your business internationally, we love Japan and Ireland. Yes, we do. Shopify has global selling tools to help you in over 150 countries.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Shopify.com slash bad friends. As you know, I just did a movie in Oklahoma City. With a bunch of young Hollywood. Name some of the names. No.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Okay, so, um... I was in Oklahoma City. You were. I felt depressed. And I thought maybe I should use. That I don't like. So guess what I did? Went to a meeting. I took my phone out. I have this meetings app on my phone. I went to a meeting. Then I felt good. Then what did I do the next night? I went to another meeting. Und dann war ein Kind im Film, der auch sauber war.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ich habe ihn zu einem Meeting genommen. Und dann bin ich nach Dallas gegangen, um... Was heißt das Show? Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. Ja? Ja, ja, ja. Dr. Phil. Und ich weiß, du hast auch ein paar Gefühle darüber, die wir später teilen können. Ja. Wir teilen es immer. Ja, ja, ja. Stabwunde? Jesus. Das ist verrückt. Warum lachst du? Wie weißt du das? Weil ich ihn gefragt habe.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I go, dude, what the fuck? He goes, yeah, you know, when I was super using, I used to stab myself in the neck. And he goes, but he teared up and he was like, you got me sober. No, that's awesome. And I go, what? He goes, I mean, you talk about sobriety. And then I go, what do you do tonight? I go, how many meetings have you been going? He hasn't been in meetings in years.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
So I go, you know, you're not doing it for you, you're doing it to help others. So I said to meet me at this random meeting and he showed up. We sat next to each other and I think he, there was a shift that happened. Oh, you're smiling.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I think this is very important. And then afterwards we, I sound his body. Okay.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Of my signature on his chest. And then he got me two pants. He bought you pants? Yeah, he works at a store. I like these pants, but... And so, um... I don't know. I didn't get them, but he got me two brand new pairs. And then, um... Can I say something?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Alright, I'll stop. I'll tell you why the disrespect from Andreas.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Because literally, when you're saying something very sincere and heartfelt and real, and I, dude, I felt it, dude. I'm trying to be real. Dude, I'm connected to you. This is what I see from this guy. You're mocking me. No, him. This is what Andreas is doing. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I want a cappella. I think that's my problem. No, I want the first chunk again. No?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
No, I'm Bobby Mom. So, what I'm saying though is not that I did anything.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
No, I didn't. I didn't do anything. What I'm saying is that I believe that when you make a choice like I'm going to really commit to sobriety, you're open, right, to situations that you may be able to help somebody indirectly almost. You know, I mean, I didn't do anything. I just said, hey, dude, let's meet me at this meeting. That's very direct.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Are there no white strips in Spain? Why are your teeth so yellow?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Okay. Are you doing... Can I ask another simple question? Sure. It's gonna be a Christmas miracle. Wait for Christmas.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
No, but the chaperone, you know how it works, right? Not really.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And you didn't show up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, can I tell you how it works? Yes. Please. You pay for it. Sounds pretty easy. And then you show up. Right. And you show up at the log... There's a log cabin-y kind of fucking... Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. Log cabin-y kind of like a hotel-y lobby thing. Yeah. Where there's like, you know, a fire. Sehr deskriptiv, richtig?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ja, was ist das? Also dann kommt eine Frau in dieser Suisse und sie sagt, Bobby, ich bin dein Schaperon für heute, richtig? Und dann sagst du, wo sollen wir gehen? Sie sagt, geh, wo du willst. Ich sage, wir müssen nicht in der Linie warten? Sie sagt, nein. Wow. Also du kannst überall gehen. Acht Grand pro Person? Nein, für die ganze Gruppe. Per Familie.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Also du kannst eine Gruppe von zehn bekommen und acht bezahlen. Ja. Richtig? Und dann musst du nicht, wie das Rollercoaster in California Dreaming. Ich bekomme nicht die asiatischen. Ja.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
That is true. Yeah, yeah. And it was the first time I was meeting her son. And I'm like, I wanna, you know what I mean? Because I'd never met the kid before.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Right, and so I wanna give him... But then he left this lightsaber at the park and I got mad.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Are you really? God, imagine being 45 as a director and not directing anything. I mean, I've never seen... Wow.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
With your kids? So maybe we can get to know your family? I've never met that.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
He has one child, just one kid. Oh, whatever. Yeah, yeah. One, two, doesn't mean much.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
In the whole time in your mind, she's going, see, see, see. If I said to you, I jerked off to your wife, why would that be wrong? Es ist nicht so. Es ist okay. Es ist eine Fantasie. Stimmt das dich? Ja.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Off the sides, not doing any of it. Wow. Do you know why? It's over, that's why. It's not gonna happen again. No, come on. Yeah, yeah. It's over! Beep, beep, beep! Train's dead. I know what the beep, beep was about, but it's fucking over. I'll tell you why, dude. There's a lot of deception going on. There's a lot of this going on, right? Hey, you wanna go out this night, right? And they go, yes.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And then the night comes, I make reservations, and they bail. On the night of the... Yeah, where I make reservations, you know what I mean? And I have a whole... And then I have to take the night off of stand-up. Right? Take the night off, right? And then they bail. It's just like, alright. Like, tomorrow night, I'm going to a place, I'm going to meet somebody. Very special tomorrow night.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
He's having an art exhibition and then his producers called me and said, you're invited and we want you to come.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
It's his birthday today. Happy birthday, man. You know what? Can I say something? You do the best YouTube videos. Wenn ich YouTube sehe, denke ich, oh mein Gott, das sollte ein Kriterium sein. Top notch.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You can come with me. No, no, no. What I'm saying is that I'm done with women. Bong Joon-ho. I'm off the sites. I am feverishly masturbating, but I need to stop that. What are we talking? Twice a day? No, I've been doing it twice, but now like every other day now. Every other day. Because the other day I was doing 14 days in a row, I didn't do it.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I think that's not right. But, no, I think you're right. I think, here's what it is, I think it's just either gonna happen or not.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, because it's like, also, you know, I swipe all the time on Raya and I get no hits.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
So, das ist es, worauf du aufhörst. Können wir in meine Messungen bei Raya gehen? Ja. Und sehen, ob ich es richtig mache.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Okay, also lasst uns mal random anfangen. Also ich habe eine Nachricht zu Alexandra geschrieben. Oh, das ist eine lange Sache. Lass mich mal sehen. Und dann, ich weiß nicht, ob ich... Oh ja, ich bin blau. Bist du noch in L.A.? Leider bin ich es. Ich sage, ha ha ha ha ha. Warum magst du es nicht? War das gut so far? Nein. Fuck, lass uns zurückgehen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I go, hi's, apostrophe s. Is that good? No, I don't think so. She goes, hey, and I go, I sent a message through Insta, if that's cool. Nothing.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Manchmal gehen Tage vorbei. Ich verstehe. Willst du eine lesen? Ja. Ja, geh schon. Ja, ja, ja. Well, hello. Ist das ich?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Whoa! Shots fired. Shots fired. Can I say something? I came in smiling. Where did that come from?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And Blue Chew's tablets are made in the USA. USA! USA! USA! USA! DraftKings Sportsbook!
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Okay, all right. Fine. All right. But can I ask you guys, Andrew, can I ask you a question? Please. Name me one movie. Just let's be factual here. Yeah. Name me one movie that Andreas has directed.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Nein, nein, ich habe das da drin. Ich meine, einige von ihnen sind schwer, weil sie in Austin lebt. Oh, dann ist es egal. Ich wusste nicht, dass sie Kinder hat.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Don't say that. Yeah, yeah. I love the little ones. You love when people have kids. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Oh, is that who? She has a kid? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
What about this though? I went on a date with somebody last week and her kids are teenagers, two boys. That's great. And they're gigantic fans of mine. She'll go like, what does Bobby Ma mean? I go, oh, nothing, don't worry, yeah. Just call me. Yeah, what's Down Syndrome? I go, what do you mean? She's like, something happened? Like, she doesn't, she's not a fan, she gets it all from her kids.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I pay the cover. Girls, girls, girls. Oh, girls, girls, girls.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
No, no, no, what I'm saying, Women that want to be surrogates or whatever. Yeah, it's a surrogate. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then it's an app, you can swipe through, they can give their college education. Mm-hmm. Hey, if it's a divide, it's fine.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Same kind of thing. Can you do it organic, though, implants?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
No, no, no, but no, no, no, no, no. Generational trauma. Well? Because that's what I have from my parents' war.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
The boy doesn't like me, but maybe the... White Walkers. They're already habation, so... Yeah, yeah. Can Carlos be my surrogate? Yeah, kind of. Can you carry?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Can you implant a uterus in somebody and have a baby with them? You can.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, I can't move to Austin. No business. Give me a reason why. Dallas? Austin. Why I can't move there? Yes.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah. And it's addiction city. What a fucking asshole you are. You texted me the other day, I didn't text you back. No, you didn't. Because of the Addiction City stuff, dude.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
It's that energy. And then you looked at me earlier like, hey, Dad. And I didn't really give you anything, did I? No. I will after this. Yeah, I will after this.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And you'll put it out at the end of 2026? Yeah, they go, this is the final last.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, I have a whole fun closer. That's crazy. I just need about 20, 25 minutes. I'm getting there. We'll get there. Yeah, this hilarious thing.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Nein. Weil er in meinem Teil ist. Wow. Er ist in meinem Teil. Du bist in seinem Teil. Oh mein Gott. Okay, kann ich etwas zu dir sagen, Arschloch? Ich? Ja, Arschloch. Ich werde es dir sagen. Lass mich das nennen. Letzte Nacht, Tim Dillon und Marcelo Hernandez. Ja, er ist lustig. Tim sagt, hey, willst du in eine Rappersparty gehen? I go, what's a rapper party? I know a rapper.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
So they take me to this gigantic, in this, on Wiltshire, this gigantic building. The rapper lands with a helicopter. Who's the rapper? I don't know. Love that. I have no idea who it is, right? But, you know, you got recognized the most.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Can I say something? I respect it. The kid didn't go to the meeting? Did you believe that? Those big stab wounds in the neck? You're a great actor sometimes. Thank you so much.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You're a great actor sometimes. Here's the trick though. All of it did happen. I know it did. So there you go in your face. I know it did. Yeah, I'm a mind tricker. I know. Yeah, yeah. Tricker. I'm a mind tricker. Yeah, you gotta be careful. Okay, sorry, my bad.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You know I love Chicago because the professor, the pizza professor guy.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
No, I'll be honest, I was dreading it, but I really did have fun.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Aus meiner Sicht. Ich ging von dem Film früh nach Dallas. Also musste ich drei Tage in Dallas warten, um das Show zu machen. Ja, du warst da. Also musst du verstehen, dass es ein bisschen Resentiment bildet. Du hast recht. Was mache ich hier, Mann? Was zur Hölle? Für wie viel? Und ich habe das nur wiedergegeben. Und dann sind wir zu einem Meeting gegangen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Wir sind zu einem Meeting gegangen, um sich zu entspannen. Und ich wollte wahrscheinlich mit dem Kind treffen. Du warst definitiv da.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ich muss sagen, dass ich diesen Montagabend-Meeting nicht sagen kann, wer es ist, aber er ist ein gigantischer, gigantischer, gigantischer Musiker. Warte. Hab ich dir schon mal über meinen Montagabend-Meeting erzählt?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
It's a men's meeting, but it's old rock legend. Steven Tyler. No, he's not in it. Axl Rock. Oh no, we're not doing this.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Slash. What? Slash. No, no, it's not, no, it's not. Bill Lesch. It's the anonymity part, I can't say this part anyway. Oates. Okay. Oates. Yes. And Garfunkel. Oates, Garfunkel, the other guy from Wham. Hall. Yeah, yeah. Um. Aber er ist wirklich einer der Größten, richtig? Ich bin seit 20 Jahren in dieses Meeting gegangen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Und ich versuche ihn zu sehen. And I wore his t-shirt the other day. So dumb. I did.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
So I had the shirt and I was doing this. Sitting like this. He's literally direct in my eyeline. He won't look over.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And then I made up the story when I shared. And got everyone all emotional.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah. Still nothing. But anyway, I don't know why I said that. But what happened at the Monday Night Meeting that was important?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I'll go, hey. You could be like, I'll bring my cookies. So I shared that story, Dallas and the kid. And I got everyone teared up in the room. Of course, it's beautiful.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Bad Friends. Chain of Death. Oh, Puppet Cop was great. Your puppet cop was so underrated. I know, I know. You're under arrest. I know, I know. Exactly.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Oh my God, are you ready? I have seeds. Something's happening. I have seeds and bottles of water.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Let's get trailers. Let's get trailers. I'm being real. No one's gonna kill podcasters.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
All right. No, but really, when you mean revolution, what do you mean?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
But if you see... I think it's going to happen. ...these town halls now, right? You can see the anger. And you're seeing people that normally wouldn't protest and say things just screaming and interrupting. And, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
That's it. All right. Puppet cop. Puppet cop. Great. Underrated. Green plastic sandals. You thought that red plastic sandals was good? Green?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Okay, we gotta get seeds. We'll get the seeds. Okay. I've always wanted seeds and I wanted to watch them grow. Yeah, we'll get some seeds. You can do that. Can you do it?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
We gotta get seeds. I see them on TikTok a lot. You see TikTok seeds?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Oh my God, that's an... I do it. And they're cuter when they have it. Well, the koala is. Look at the koala with its little fat tongue sticking out.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I think they all do. Yeah. Anyway, seeds. Let's go back to seeds.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You want seeds. I think there's going to come to a time when peak oil happens. Peak oil. You know peak oil? When we run out of oil? No, it's not when we run out. We get to the top precipice of where oil, right, we can get it. And then the demand is going to be too high, because the world is growing, population-wise. And we have bigger, like... Wir haben Empires, wie Indien und China, richtig?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Und wenn wir die Bedrohung nicht haben, dann beginnen die Dinge zu brechen. Weil Fossilfuel nicht etwas ist, das man einfach machen kann. Es ist einfach da. Und dann, wenn du es alles fertig hast, ist es nicht mehr da. Wir finden dann etwas. Hopefully, but my point is that after peak oil and then all of a sudden we can't get blueberries from Mexico or whatever. We don't need them.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
But Jimmy Carter, back when he was president, was talking about peak oil back then.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I didn't know anybody. Well, you were deprived of all... Maybe the local barber.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
It exists. Oh, that's a $50 what? Just one of our tour posters? With all of us? Or just you and I? Wow.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Dude, dude, dude. These kids gone. No, can I just say something? That tone was insane. That was crazy, dude.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Do you have an Andres pinata, dude? I'll show you what I do. Let me see if I can get a hold of somebody here. Hello? Hello?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Bobby war gut genug, um seinen Namen an die Show zu geben.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ja, lass uns hören. Zuerst einmal, ich entschuldige mich. Hast du das gehört? Natürlich. Zweitens, hast du mein Geld bekommen? Für was? Für die Charity, richtig? Ja, ja. Und kann ich etwas sagen?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ein paar Bücher. Ein paar Bücher, ein paar von, weißt du, wo du die Gräts füllst. Ich weiß nicht, wie Schule funktioniert, aber ein paar Dinge. Pencils. Ja.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
So why did I walk in and see little kids on stage playing the guitar?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Well, who was on stage playing? It was like Mary, Paul and Mary. What was it called?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, there's two Marys in that band. Was there not singing there? Was that?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Aber es ist nicht so. Ich habe die Rückseite geschaut. Es gab eine Menge ältere Mädchen dort und es ging um musikalische Dinge. Ich bin zu Tim Dillon gegangen und habe gesagt, weißt du was, ich gebe nur 200 Dollar für die Charite.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Oh, here we go. This is how we're going to do it? Oh, we're going to do this?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Number one, I'm sorry. I bought some books for a cherry that doesn't exist. Okay. Okay. But you did grab the $200 put in your pocket. That's good.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And that busboy, what is he going to get? Corn? They love corn. They love the corn, right? They like, you know, making... Wait a minute.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
How would Trump define it? How would Trump define it, if you saw him? Would it be a plane to go to...
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
One of our most loyal... I had a gig at the Ice House. Were you not running behind?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I just made a bunch of assumptions and I'm so sorry. I thought it was a charity for kids. You know I love you.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Es war eine fucking Party. Es war nicht nur ein Show. Es war außerhalb davon. Okay, ich werde jemanden auf den Bus werfen. Gehen Sie. Okay. Und hier gehen wir, Greg. Okay. Ja. Ich nenne nicht Annie oder Tim, richtig? Aber jemand, der auf dem Show war, sagte das. Die Grund, warum sie so hart lachen, ist, weil die Musik seltsam war.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, so it's like whenever I see Hope Corps videos and I relate it to my own life, they wouldn't happen.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah. I got stem cell replacement from Mike Driscoll. Buddy, buddy, buddy. Buddy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
If you're going to finish it, it's really good. Yeah? Very good. Yeah. I'll take a bite.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You're an old Korean man. Yeah, but I'm not playing Mike Driscoll. I'm Mike Driscoll. I'm the guy. So I said, I got stem cells from Mike Driscoll. Sure. So why can't I say that as the Asian man?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Shoot him up, bang him up. Anyway, man, I got... Why am I celebrating? Oh, you're Cam Patterson now. Yeah, why am I celebrating? Oh, years ago, man, some guy gave me stem cell research, and it was Mike Griscoll. What did he give you? Stem cells in my spine.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
God damn it. How do you get the shit out of my spine? Right. And he oozes it into a fucking... He was a new cop. Suck it out. Right? And then he gets it back to him. Here you go, black guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You just won't leave. He just steps up. Yeah. That didn't make me jump enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew I had sickle cell. So anyway. His glaucoma was kicking in. That's interesting. But see how happy. Would you be excited? Oh, yeah, dude. If somebody saved my fucking life. All right, here we go. Let's play it out. You don't have to. Do it. You're the guy now.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You're the one that's telling everyone that you had some Stelsum. Stelsum. Stelsum. I had Stelsum.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Well, I follow all my stem cells. You're not the only one, man, that has stem cells, my stem cells. I have stem cells in every city in America. You spread around your stem cells. Yeah, so I follow all of them around, man. I want to know where my cells are at, dog. Well, it's great to meet you. Thank you, man. How are they working out for you? Good, I think. Good. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, well, how about a thank you? How about it? Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome, sir. Just confuse him.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
It breaks my heart when the dad shaves his head. Why are you laughing? What are you laughing at? You're insane, Carlos. You are insane, dude. Yeah. You're insane. What?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
It's really good. Are you a baker? Is that your side hobby? I cook, I bake, yeah. Do you watch the Great British Bake Off? Oh, I sure do, every season. Really? Who won this season? I didn't watch this season.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Rocket Money. Rocket Money. Rocket Money saves you money. And if you don't want to save money, that's dumb. That's so dumb to not save money. I save so much money because, you know, I have so many subscriptions on my phones and stuff like that. And Rocket Money, they help me consolidate everything. There's a dashboard. I can look at everything. It's great.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save, and then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash badfriends today.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You know what we're talking about, dude? What are we talking about? We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors, Andrew, across every specialty.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
From mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and many, many more, more, more.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I hate being jerked around. I don't want to be jerked around anymore.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Appointments made through ZocDoc also happens fast, like you said. So would you ask me, how do you do it? Yeah. And stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
We're talking about playoffs right now? Yeah, we are. You bet we are. Get in on the action at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
There are ones I don't like, though. What are the ones I don't like? There's some... I'll tell you what I don't like.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Because I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why it bothers me. Because now I'm giving every homeless guy a dollar just in case I run into that guy. Right. I'm giving everyone. Yeah. Now I'm like, is it the guy? Where's the guy? Yeah. And I never see the guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
But let me say something. I see a lot of dudes don't tip and give money. So maybe it's going to force people to give money.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So one time, and this really happened, I was at a 7-Eleven. The one right down the street, this one right here. Okay. Right? And there was a homeless man and he had a bunch of garbage in his, you know, like clothes, not garbage. Yeah. You know what I mean? But on top of his like, what do you call it?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Like a cart. Grocery cart? Like a cart, yeah. He had an album. Not a record album, an album of photo.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
But when I opened it, I did open it because there was nothing in it. Oh my God. There was no pictures in it. No photo? Yeah, yeah. I didn't open it to put my head shut and like, here you go. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, but no. So I left a hundred bucks in there. I opened it, I put it in there and it closed and I left and I never said anything. I love that. I've done little things like that before.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
All right. So when I did Guttermucker, that movie. Yeah. So I did a movie in Montana, Butte, Montana with Eleanor Kerrigan. Love. And Leslie Jones. Love. And the weekends, there was nothing going on and we're there for a month, right? Yeah. So we go, I said to Leslie, I go, let's do shows. So there's a theater in town. And we called the theater and like, we're in town.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
They're like, yeah, we sold all of them out. Of course. Okay. There's no comedy club there. And at the end, we gave the money to the crew. That's so cool. And when you're doing that many shows, I mean, you're talking about almost eight, $10,000. A lot of money. A lot of money, right? Only two crew members thanked me.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, dude, that's not true. I'm Paul Hollywood? No, I'm that black lady that does the jokes. The Great British Biker Show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're her? No, really, you think I'm Paul Hollywood? I guess you're right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
That's it? Yeah. And I would even walk by like the sound guy and go, hey, what's up? As he's miking. And they're like, what are you doing here? Good show last couple of nights, right? Yeah, it was good. Did you like it like it? Like it, like it. Yeah, I go, did you get the food truck? Because, you know, the food truck. Yeah, we've got acai books. We get food trucks too.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'll give you one. Well, I do one that drives comics crazy. If I tell you what this is. Tipping in the lot? No, it's going to drive you crazy. Do you think you'll get crazy after I tell you what I'm about to tell you? Well, it sounds like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I do is if I see somebody that has potential of doing comedy, I try to talk them into it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
What do you mean? Oh, you mean when he was thinking about it, you told him to? Long time ago. I talked to him. There's a lot of guys like that. They're still doing it today because I talked to them into it. So don't tell me about what you're telling me about. Now, Jules, go ahead. Guy, I swear to God, dude. You know what? Let's stop. Let's push. All right, hold on.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Because one time I did it and they weren't looking at me. And I just came up to a table. And they're like, what do you want? No, it's me. Yeah, and they were like, no. And I go, oh, no. And I just went back. It was so embarrassing. But anyway, you have to know for sure.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You don't. You know what? I've seen you at the airport. You're very good about it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So what you do, sometimes you'll wear a cap. I'm Jason Bourne. And we're at the airport. And you'll put your hat down like this. And you walk. And this is you going, I don't want it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, I do the Leo. So there's little clues that he does. I go, okay, he doesn't want to be talked to or he's in a thing or this and that.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Also, can you do it in a first world country? On the planet Hoth, when I lived on Hoth, the tauntauns, you know what I mean? I used to give them free hoofs. Hoof passages.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You look like a Real Madrid's towel boy. Like, what's the shirt you're wearing? Hahaha. It wasn't a good joke. That's why. So good. No, it wasn't good. No, it was really good. You just did that laugh. If I'm not being funny. Do that. Today. Yeah. Everyone do that laugh. All right. And I will do the same. All right. Thank you. You do one. Do your fake laugh.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Okay. So anyway, so, but here's the thing about the, he didn't have a good day.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Why? Because I've been out there a bunch of times now. And the gay culture, it's out.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Let me talk. Okay. Let me talk. It's almost like it's so socially acceptable there. It's very hard to believe that anybody would be offended by it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Even that, it's like, so when we do my talent show, the gays come out, do they not? And they compete. I've seen their families come out. I've never seen a dad or a mom while their son was performing who was gay, went, no! We don't know. They're clapping, right? It's just an open society. And it's okay, Jules. All right, look at me right now. I'm not lying. Jules, look at that. I'm not lying.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, that's everybody there. Is that your friend? Yeah, that's everybody there. That's just the Philippines. Just be honest with me. I'm not lying. Stop, stop, stop. Because you're being very defensive right now.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, I just think that it's, what I love about the Philippines is that it's such an open culture in that way where it's like. Nobody cares. No one cares.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
What's a 50-50? I mean, we have to make this decision. We have to make a decision together, yeah. How come you don't go?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'm a Twinkie. He's on the list, dude. You know that, right? When I say Twinkie, what does it mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
All I'm saying is if he deports the amount of people he wants to deport, dude, the country's going to be fucked.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Get them out of here. Like farming communities. It was a disaster, dude. Get them out. All right. You'll see. Get them all gone, dude. There's two things you'll see about me getting buff and fucking we'll see what happens with this.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You don't want him to be... Look at that photo. Put the kid in a movie. Yeah, when Paul Hollywood does handshakes to him, he waits too long to shake it back.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I mean, that's the only Asian one. Oh, of course, he's going to play it. Who is that? Shang-Chi. Oh, that's the Shang-Chi guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can somebody else be Sunfire, please? God, they're going to give the same... He's hot. Yeah, that's true. He's a good looking guy. Pretty good looking, yeah. We stay in our lane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Robin Hood Gold.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So Paul Hollywood would be like... Yeah. And then this guy goes... I know, but my point is, you shake it right away. You shake it right away.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
The new gold standard is here with Robinhood Gold. To receive your 3% boost on annual IRA contributions, sign up at Robinhood.com slash gold.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
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Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
It's 2025. God bless. And you're probably thinking, how am I going to make this year different?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
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Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And he's got good flavor. Great flavor. What's his thing? His thing is flavor. Unique flavors. Unique flavors. All right. We're bored. We're bored. Okay, anyway. I don't think we are. I don't think we are. Well, it's for you and me. It doesn't matter. All right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, but did Marvel or DC ever create a superhero that happened to have red hair?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Can you zoom in a little bit? Like the whole thing? Yeah, yeah. Roy Harper. Oh, yeah, there we go. I guess. You do it with a bow and arrow. Who's Wally West? Wally West? They ran out of names. Wally West. What do we call this one? You know what I mean? Wally West. Yeah. King Disaster? No. Wally West. Wally West. Geoforce is good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I was there and my agents were like, you got to learn how to like meet people. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You know what I mean? When you're on set, that's how you create, you know what I mean? Relationships. Relationships in the business. So I was smoking a cigarette. And with Pineapple Express, it was Seth Rogen, Apatow, Paul Rudd, a bunch of people. And they were talking in a circle. And I was out on the curb, like kind of near them, smoking a cigarette.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And then my agent's fucking thing went, you know what I mean? Do it. This is it. I put the cigarette down and I wander into the circle. I don't know if it was Paul. Somebody closed the circle. Paul does stuff like that. Yeah, so then I was on the outside of the circle and then I went back to the crib as well.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He rutted you. You got rutted. What I find out now is that I can tell when people want to talk to me on set.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I probably did it wrong. They didn't know you were there. Yeah, I didn't know. I did it wrong. You didn't make enough noise. What would you do? Hey, guys, you guys play golf? You guys know about the $2 thing with Alan, whatever, he makes them. Whatever his name is, yeah. Steve. Steve Wawaki. You guys know about the $2 thing with Steve Wawaki, right? It's interesting.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
In fact, I'm going to mention it on my podcast. One day when I have a podcast, I'm going to mention it. But it's like, you guys, throw in your two cents. Do you think you did that? Did you do something like that? Interesting.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. It happened to me Friday. Literally happened last night. I got picked up like a little American Girl doll. Blake Griffin picked you up to show you off. Can I tell everyone what happened? So I was at the comedy store and I was on a date. Six foot nine. I was on a date and Andrea's there. Not my date. Andrea Jin. Andrea Jin's there and she's a comic.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And I'm on a date, first date with somebody. You met her, right? Yeah. She's a very nice girl. And Andrea goes, oh, Blake's coming. So I go, okay, you know, Blake Griffin, huh? Yeah. We see him come in and then Andre leaves to go say hi to him. And then, you know, I turned, and this is the mistake I made. I turned to the girl and the date I go, let's go say hi to Blake, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So Blake's there and I go in to shake his hand. Big hands. Right? And he looks at me and he grabs me and he pulls me up into the sky. Yeah, like Lion King. Like the Lion King.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah. And- Oh, Sibenya. Yeah. And so what happens is, I go, he's going to put me down, right? Were you there?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were there, though. Yeah, I was there. Yeah, yeah. And he goes, he has a monologue. Yeah. Hey, guy. He goes, hey, guy, I don't shake your hand. I hug you. That's right. Right? And I like lifting you, and you're my little guy, this and that, right? And I'm up there for about a minute, right? And I'm blushing, and I'm trying to get down, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, help, help, help, right, right? He finally puts me down and I'm blushing, right? And I'm thinking to myself, oh, my date didn't notice that, right? So then I texted her yesterday. This is what I text, I go, this is so embarrassing. She goes, I go, do you remember when Blake Griffin picked me up as if I was an American Girl doll? And then this is what she says, your legs were dangling.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, you know what? You just go on. I go on a lot of first dates. I'll just say that. And not a lot of seconds.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'll tell you what, Jules, when you do, you act as if I'm not from this planet. I don't have the same kind of social media you have.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Australia, you had some zingers on. Zingers. The kid was on fire. But anyway, yeah, so he picked me up like a little, because you've never been picked up.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
This is the same topic, but this whole fucking Korean deer thing got out of hand. What are you talking about? A Korean deer? People online were like, there's a Korean deer.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
This looks like Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does look like you. It looks exactly fucking like you. Then I posted on my story and I got more comments than I've ever had.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
That's what I'm saying. When you say that I look like that, it doesn't seem sexy. Well... You know what I mean? Well, look, look. I've never fucked a deer. Like, that deer has never been laid by another deer. That's not true. That's not true. Yeah, that's an incel deer, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So cute. Yeah, yeah. That's you, bro. Okay. That's you. But then a bunch of comments said, and I had to do research... Bunch of comments were like, dude, it's a fucking donkey, dude. You're a donkey. Is that a donkey? It's not a donkey. It's a deer. It's a deer. It's 100% a deer. It's a deer. It's a female deer. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. I don't know who the fuck. Okay.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I don't know who the fuck did that. Did you do that, Carlos? Phenomenal. Somebody did that. That's so good. That's so fucking funny. That's you, dude. That's literally you. That's insane. They put my beanie and my glasses on there. What's wilder.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
There's not an animal out there that you look at and go, oh, that looks like Andrew Santino. There's some animals that look like you, maybe.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, dude, there is a guy. I just saw it today. I love you. There's a new viral, listen, there's a new viral tiger. Google it. And I think this is more, it's a viral tiger that came out. Yeah, do it in all caps.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
That kind of does look like. That's when it came to me. That's you, bro.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not the same tiger. Go to that. That guy, though? That's Andrew, dude. Yeah, dude. That's you, dude. That's me. What's going on?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Well, he's... Highland's new sweetheart. He's a tabby cat. He's a tabby cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just... He's got the right proportions there. Look at him. He's so cute.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'll be honest with you. A future in podcasting isn't something that you would want to do.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'll take it. See what she's doing? She couldn't even look at you in your eye. What?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, podcasting sucks. I know, but what I'm saying is that why don't you do the easier, softer way, which is podcasting? Because you'll make more money.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You work less hours. She doesn't care about that. And you have freedom. But you don't care about that.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I'm going to say this and I'm going to speak on her behalf. This is what she wanted to say. It's weird. You're like much younger than Bobby, but you guys look the same age. Right. That's what her eyes said. That's what her eyes said?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You know that guy? Yeah, I know. What is that? The guy that does that? The girls do it. I've never seen a guy do it. What? I don't think you know what I just did.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Usually, usually cringe. Cringe anime streamer? No, like cringe. Any cringe Instagram or TikTok streamer. Usually has one or two videos. Dude, you're on your Gen Z fucking.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Gets an axe. Forget it, dude. Forget it. Let's move on. No, let's watch him. No, forget it. Let's move on. Let's watch him. Let's watch him.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You know, I read that one. Find the fucking thing. I was like, the face thing.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go back. I don't want to go back to $2. Maybe the one with the blue hair. Blue, yeah. Yeah, this shit. Yeah. Yeah. Look, Andrew.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Oh, yeah, yeah. It's now that we see it. Start it over. Let's see. Yeah, it's this kind of thing where they're like. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah. And if you did that, my heart. Do try. Try it. Maybe you have it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see it. Go. We did it. Just do it. We'll cut it out if you don't like it. Yeah, go.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
oh wow so good don't do it don't do it yeah you're not you don't have it now now my heart is free I know you can't do it can't do it yeah yeah how many views is it like is this popular this is Misty Raines a lot of people like they go to Misty Raines thing so they just watch her do that three fucking million people yeah yeah yeah holy let's go to this one yeah here we go dude I'm working too hard yeah what are we doing yeah
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jess wanted to promote her show. Is that why you're here?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And he's like thinking of lotus flowers and grasshoppers. When you get old, an Asian man will only, what do they think about? Taking long walks. Long walks. Putting their hands behind their back. It has to be attached. Has to. Because watch, when a Korean man unattaches it, he stops walking. They'll fall over. They'll fall over. It's all about weight. So... Yeah. Right. They think about what?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Fill in the blank. You know, you and I come here, try to set the tone of the show. I brought a popcorn. Pretty good rant. It was a good rant. That was good. Popcorn, you know, a couple of other things. And... You had the $2 thing. Right. And it died. And I think that's why you're mad. And you know what? There's a healthy way of getting that resentment out.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
The way you're doing it, you're going back and forth like that in your new chair. I'm rocking in my chair. Doing this, like the thinker, whatever you're doing with your hand. I've never seen you do this before. Oh, it's because my back hurts. The thinker, you know what I mean? So I think we all know in the room, right, that that was a fail.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I want to... forget i was gonna say joke but like why be mean now no i don't want because it's that's not fair right so anyway you said your saggy tits i don't want to see no i didn't say that no i was gonna say something way worse but go ahead i love you well now you have to say it no i was i was kidding i didn't have one say it no say it a beautiful lady naked now go ahead um
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Well, I have done it before. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Ian Edwards. You know what I mean? I try to get Chappelle. But what do they have in common? They're black. Exactly.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
It might be dead. Let me say something. Most of the people, they go in for like a minute. I try to go up for 10 minutes because I go to the point where I'm about to die. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Well, that's good. Yeah, yeah. That's very good. And I'm going to tell you why, if I may. Okay? You may. Well, I'm going to. Thank you. Okay. I go to Hyundai Day Spa.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
They love bamboo arrangements. Arrangements. Bonsai trees. Bonsai trees. Clipping. Dude, have an old Asian man walk by Bonsai. They'll be clipping. They'll be clipping. That's why they have clippers in their fucking pockets. All old Asian men. Just in case, right? If I want to buy a bonsai tree, dude, dude, you'll see me clipping all day long. He'll be clipping. He'll be clipping.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I've been going there for years and there's like a 95 year old man that's there. Okay. Okay. And he does a routine and I observe him. Okay. Yeah. Over the years, last 20 years.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
And he does halfway in the cold plunge. Yeah. Then there's two different spots. There's a jacuzzi, but there's also a spring water one where it's super hot. Love that. So he'll go five minutes there and he goes back and forth. And I think what he's doing is circulating his blood. Just trying to stay alive. Yeah, yeah. And so I've been following the same thing as he does. Good.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You know what I mean? And I think there's something to do with your health.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Can we go to Wii Spot so I can show you how long I go into the cold plunge? I don't think you would believe me, so I want to do it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
This is real because she told me about the afterwards. Well, did you lose it?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
This is me. This is me walking down. You're right. This is me walking down. You can't resist. I can't resist it, dude. If I see, dude, a lotus flower, dude, or if I see a grasshopper, I do this, they jump right on my finger.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
When you see G spot. Usually I charge, I'll do it for free. When you see G spot, what do you mean? Like in the penis cavity or like my anal cavity?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, you do make noises in the steam room that you can't. It feels good. Yeah. This is a noise that Koreans make. I don't care where you're from in Korea.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
We know what this means. And there's no... It doesn't mean anything, but we know what it means. Yeah. It's this. It's unspoken. Here we go. I go, I go, I go, I go, I go. It's aigu, aigu, aigu, aigu about four or five times. We understand what that means. Aigu. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, it's like it feels good, but it hurts. But, you know, I'm glad. You know what I mean? Right. It's soothing, you know. And there's another one that we know what it means is juk-juk. I told you about that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We don't have to read. You know about juk-juk? Yeah. What is it?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
See what he does, McCone? Yeah, he's worthless. He just agrees without listening. At this point, he just comes around. When you do improv, agreeing is fine, but you have to listen as well.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, yeah. Isn't that like to... And then we philosophize. Yeah, right. Yeah. We always philosophize. Another thing that all Korean men think of is. Mountains. They love sitting up in the mountains. How do you know about mountains? I'm Korean. How do you know about us and mountains, dude? I'm Korean, dude. Oh, my God. And tea. They love. Love. Love tea, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
That hurts the most. Yeah, the velocity and the energy behind that is so hurtful.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
They created it, right, during the Vietnam War. They did. Yeah. And they're so hard to cash in because they're rare. They're very rare. It's a trick almost. It is. So the prosecutor goes, I can't cash this in. Right? And they frame them. They always frame them.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Anyway. Wow. Write that down, guys. Steve Wozniak does his $2 bill. Let's go. Wow. We do something else. Hope Corps. Let's go back to Hope Corps. Explain to people what Hope Corps is. We'll just cut that out, Andrew. Sometimes even the king misses. Anyway.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. Well, in the middle, what is it? Go ahead. The Hershey's Kiss. Oh, thank you. Can you put this?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
It's a lot of, it's a montage of videos that make you feel like hopeful. But they include some of that, but they mostly include like soldiers coming home or, you know what I mean? Or a dog, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Or friends reuniting and stuff like that, right? So, but here's the thing. When I watch Hope Corps video, are you doing this board thing now? Are you mad about, are you mad about the Steve Wozniak $2 bill thing? I'm listening. No, there's something going on in your face. I can see you processing Steve Wozniak. How about this? Let's pause Hope Corps. Let's go back to the $2 bill.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Go ahead, tell us about it. I'm so curious now. I don't want to hurt your feelings. What happened? So Steve Wozniak. Did you get some pussy last night? No, no, no. Are you in a good mood because you got a little pussy? No, no, no. So Steve Wozniak.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, so Steve Wozniak. Go back on it. So Steve Wozniak, he prints his own $2 bills, eh? Does he really? I don't know. You're the one that told us. I had no idea. Okay. How did you know about this? Because you told us this five minutes ago. I did? Yeah. I've never heard of this before in my life. This thing that you're doing is very interesting. I've never seen you do this style of comedy.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Wait, no, what? Of complete denial. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's a reversal. Go back to Steve Wozniak, please. Why are you obsessed with Steve Wozniak? Okay, okay. So let's go back to Hope Corps.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
What are you doing right now, dude? This is an interesting thing to do. What's YouTube right now is very weird, and it's kind of pissing me off. Is it really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on? Well, I'll tell you why, because... You put a halt to some of the things I say sometimes. Do I? Yeah. And when I do it to you, right, you have a nervous breakdown in your mind. Do I? Yeah. You did one.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Is this your internal monologue or mine? I was reading it. It sounds like it's yours. See this thing you're doing? I love it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah. Let's get the resentment out. So, because I don't want to continue the show without. I've never seen one. I'm in good. Have you ever seen him do this? Good spirit. Have you ever seen him do a fucking fentanyl nod? It's the new chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like this federal nervous ticket. I get a new chair and I'm feeling good. Okay, good. So anyway, the $2 bill.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
You can't rock in your chair. I'm trying. Steve Wozniak. You know what I mean? He built a machine and it's $2 fucking bills, you know?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Oh, you think you could thrust better than me? Dude, I can thrust too, dude. You're okay. Anyway. All right, that's enough. So I've been watching whole core videos.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Yeah, but the thing is, is that- Make me cry. At the end of the day, after every video, I think to myself, I would not react like that. Like for instance, friends that I've been seeing 25 years or 30 years, They cry, they hug. Dude, if you and I were separated for 15 years and then all of a sudden we reunited.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
No, you wouldn't. I think I would cry too. It's fine if you wouldn't. I just definitely wouldn't. It would depend of why I was gone for 15 years. Like if I was in an internment camp. I mean, I think that there's a lot of like emotions that would come up like, oh my God, I'm seeing people for the first time. I haven't eaten either. Well, why did you go in the first place? What did you do?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I said, I lied. I was Japanese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happens. Just wanted free rent for a while. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I don't think, I think I would be like, oh, like I would be like, if I see somebody, a friend of mine for 30 years, I'd be like,
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I haven't eaten in 24 hours. Why? Because I took the last bit of my Ozempic. Wow, Pete. This is bad. I can tell. They look bad. Yeah, they look bad and they smell bad.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
Then what? than calling you out on the $2 with Steve Wozniak. The Steve Wozniak day. I've never regretted something more. It was very funny. No, no, no. I can see your eyes. I've never, oh my God, I fucked up, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
I can't believe that you're so upset about it. It's insane. Oh my God. So anyway. But here's another. I love you so much. Here's another whole quarter thing.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
So there's, you know, the soldier's coming home. Soldier comes home. Yeah. Surprises his eight-year-old kid at school. He's blindfolded, right? Yeah, sometimes he's blindfolded.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Hopecore Era
But my dad? Then I always think to myself, I'm home, right? I'd be like, ah! I would have like run. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
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Bad Friends
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But it bothered me because it made me realize that girl was more important than me even though I've known you for almost 20 years. Yeah, and having dinner with your friend Charlie Day. That's first of all, you're making stuff up.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Did you put all that flare on your hat? Did you place those pins on your hat? No, it came that way. Loser. That's right. You look like a truck stop. You can call me. You loser. You look like a Buc-ee's. You look like you got that at a Buc-ee's. Did you go down to Austin and get all that gear, you loser? No, I got it shipped here from Austin. You know what's really annoying?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
You're a fool. A business dinner where I'm trying to secure a deal for us, which I wrote in the text. I'm trying to close something for us. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yet another thing I'm doing for this show. Oh, here we go. Let's hear, oh, you want to hear we go? Let's hear we go. Let's hear we go. The game show, the animated show. Let's fucking, here we go, pal. Okay.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
bring that I can show you so many the episode with Theo let's not do that that's right because I'll prove you wrong yeah yeah anyway the fans know that the two million subscribers thank you so much and the fans know thank you so much guys thank you and this is just a little road in the bump of the road but let me see it's a little road in the bump so let's resolve it okay so I had nothing to do with it okay you want to get mad at someone you haven't even yelled at fucking him once I'm getting all this bullshit oh I'm never going to talk to him again that's not true yeah yeah it'll take a while it's insane though then block his number and delete it right now okay
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
A power move. So you're doing power move. When was the last time I did a power move? You just almost walked out on the show.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
I wanted to make fun of your shirt, and we're wearing the same color of diarrhea shirts today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This shirt I thought was a different color when I ordered it, and it's like poo. It's baby poo. It's like runny baby poo.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
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Bad Friends
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Bad Friends
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Bad Friends
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And as two people that take therapy seriously, I think it's important for people to get stuff off of their chest, off of their mind, and out into the world.
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Bad Friends
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I met with a Korean friend. I'm not going to say who I met with someone who loves you, who loves us. You couldn't come meet him with me. He was a big fan. He was upset that we couldn't. You weren't there. That's fine. And that's fine. Then I called Bobby, you guys, for your reference. I said, Bob, all I need is a couple of fun Korean phrases to say to him for the show. He goes, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
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Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
uh uh showing off in front of the girl that you're dating and not just texting me three korean words that i asked for power move i'll give you another one i have so many too lying to our fans about putting me on the fucking flyer when it was already sold out power move i'll give you more i got so dude i have so many lines let me address that can i address that in the middle of the in the middle of the recording of the animated movie that we're doing you literally said i'm done no more
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Power move. Yeah, that was a power move. I got a couple. All right, so I... You're right. Throwing your keys at the valet in the store. Throwing your car keys at the kid. When? What's his name? Ramsey? You threw your keys at him. I watched you do it. He's my opener. You can't throw your keys at me.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
But that's what scares me. You're going to fall in love and forget about me.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
But you know, the truth is, I think you really do like this girl that you're seeing and you're a little scared and nervous and you're vulnerable and you seem a little on edge. I'm already friend zoned.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
I go, just text me. Just text me three things. And then he goes, OK, OK, I will. I will. When I stop when we're driving, when we stop. OK, fine. Hours, hours, hours, nothing, nothing. And he says, I'm on a date. He's on a date with a girl that I made laugh, by the way. I gave him a layup. He's on a date with a girl. He puts me on speakerphone. And I said.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
What? It's all Carlos. I know. So why are you taking it out on us? I don't get it.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
That hurt my feelings. Yeah, it hurt my feelings that you didn't show up. And that's why.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
The reason why I didn't give you the thing is because you didn't show up. You didn't give me the thing because you didn't care. Because you were with that girl and you didn't give a shit. You didn't care about my show.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
And that's what you just tried to pull. You tried to George Michael me. You're George Michael. No, you just tried to George Michael me.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Buddy, let me tell you something. Okay. Let me tell you who I really am. Oh, here we go. Watch this. You know who I am? Who are you? I'm Shifty Shellshock. Yeah, you are. I'm crazy town.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
You're my butterfly sugar baby. And if you don't fucking stop messing around, you're going to lose me. I'm not messing around. You know, this is how relationships- You're my butterfly. Don't call me that, man. Sugar, baby. Don't call me that. Come, my lady. Come, come, my lady. Yeah. Don't call me that, man. But anyway- He died?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Well, that's not cool. That's not funny. Like somebody we know in here. I really didn't know. Who? Carlos? Carlos, yeah.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
See, even what he just said there, dude? Yeah. That's part of it. That is? Wow. Well, he knows the sign, so go on, tell me more. What else is it?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Well, common warning signs of relapse include glamorizing past drug and alcohol use.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
That's not sudden. Hanging around old people in places associated with past use. Yeah, him. Carlos. Well, that's bad for both of you guys. That's bad for both of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can we do to get you off weed? He's not going to ever get off.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Carlos. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You don't need weed. but i i think i do you do every day every day yeah all that something you're back every all day now just in like when i wake up and then like at three and then at six and then at nine and then at midnight so when you wake up yeah after you eat hi again hi at lunch hi at dinner hi for here are you high now
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Yeah. I don't care if you smell like weed. I'd rather you try to not get high for a while.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
See what he was doing. It's smart. It's working like a charm. You see what he's doing though?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Well, what he's doing is trying to pit you against him. If I'm the owner at Home Depot. Here we go. I don't know. That doesn't seem likely. Give me somewhere else.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
But what am I the owner of a chain? Would you prank Jeff Bezos? What? What's my chain? You're an Ichiban Sushi. What's mine? An Irish pub. Yeah, he's not pranking me at the Irish pub. No, no, no. He's not even, I wouldn't get a job there. I exactly did. I get it. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
I get it. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't feel like I'm the boss. All right, let me change gears.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Because this is going to make you mad. This made me mad. And that has to do with me? No. Oh, then go ahead. It's going to hurt your feelings like it hurt mine. It's actually going to piss you off because it pissed me off.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
No. Okay, let's go. So I'm sitting down there. I had to fly to Vegas yesterday. I'm just having lunch. This guy's rapping and chatting with me. Nice guy. Very nice. Somehow, someway, he gets into the, we're chatting. What do you do? And I'm kind of throwing everything away because I just want to eat lunch. And then he goes, is this thing that you're shooting, is this like a comedy thing?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
I said, not really. It's kind of an interview show. He goes, oh, yeah. You like comedy?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
No, I'm saying he doesn't know me because he goes, do you like comedy stuff? And I was like, yeah.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Now you get it. I know now. And so I'm kind of being passive. Yeah, no, no, yeah. And then the bartender chimes in. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Have you seen, have you seen kill Tony? He says to the guy, Oh dude, have you ever, you know about that? You ever seen that show? Yup.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
This one's going to hurt way harder. It's not even done. The guy goes, I love comedy. You ever run into a, cause I said, I live in Los Angeles. You ever run into Joe Rogan out there? I said, you know, yeah, I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
yeah he lives in austin i think now yeah yeah yeah i'm trying to we're closing the door yeah i've done it four times i just want to eat my chicken wrap yeah yeah then finally he goes uh yeah we go to a lot of shows and the girl goes i do too i just saw adam ray fucking that fucking
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
The bartender and the guy are both like, I love Adam Ray. And Adam, our buddy, he's killing it.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Oh, Theo, can we get a photo with you? Sir, would you take our picture with Theo?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Nobody likes us anymore. We're old news, babe. I know, dude. We're old news.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Do you think she's dating a rocket scientist? She knows who she's dating. It's a comic.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Are those used? They are. So they're used women's underwear and they sell them in vending machines. They don't wash them.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
One time you were paying for like 13 game apps or something. That's what I'm saying. And it bleeds money, right? So what does Rocket Money do for you? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
I save hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars every year because of Rocket Money. Yeah, because you were blowing it, man. You were just signing up for stuff. And let them negotiate the bills for you, by the way. They scan your bills to find opportunities to save. You can ask them, negotiate for me. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
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Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about it from our show, Bad Friends.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Holy moly. Way less cards are going to go abandoned, Bob, and way more sales are going where?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
It sold out. I looked online. It sold out. No. You're a liar. Do you want me to call the store right now? I know it sold out. You know why it sold out? Why did it sell out? Because I put your name on the flyer. No, no, you didn't. First of all, let's stop. My name wasn't on the flyer because I looked at the website A and B. It already sold out.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
When you're thinking about businesses that are selling through the roof like Aloe, Allbirds, or Skims, everybody be loving these Skims.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
You know what you think about. Great product, sure. Cool brand, brilliant marketing, blah, blah, blah. But... The secret of the business behind the business behind the business is business is business. That's right. Is Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Skims uses.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Go to shopify.com slash bad friends to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash bad friends.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Used. It does say used. It says used. Dude, look at what he did for you, Carlos.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
So great. It's got air holes on it. How long was he out there for?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
No, we didn't buy him a return. How is he going to get back? That's not on us to figure out. We put up the Airbnb, no? We gave him a one-way ticket.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
We gave him a one-way ticket to Japan. How's he going to get back? I don't know, bud. I'm sure he'll- We should get him back. Do we want to get him back, you guys? I don't think so, but- Leave him there for a while.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
We'll just leave him. He'll be fine. Yeah, he'll be fine out there.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
By the way, can this be a segment of the show where we literally just send him around the world for the next couple of years? Yeah. Literally, let's fly him from Japan. Next one, Yemen. Yemen? Yeah, yeah. Look up tickets to Yemen. Yemen or Oman. Yeah, yeah. But let's fly him from Japan to another location. Let's see how long he just stays out of the country.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Can we do this? Carlos, text him and ask him if he wants to go somewhere else. Okay. That'd be great. It's not expensive. Just fly this kid around the world. Seoul, Korea. Would love. But no, we want him to go the other way. Oh. I want him to keep going west. Can he go to Moscow?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
So are we. Yeah, we're always in war. We're always at war, man. Yeah. All right, we'll send him to another place. Ukraine then. Yeah, send me Ukraine. Yeah, Kiev. See if there's tickets to Gaza. See if we can send him.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Can I take a second to say something tragic? Yeah, I have some tragic things. Heartbreak. There was a school shooter on FSU's campus today.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
And obviously this episode will- Two people passed. How many people? Two. Two. Did you guys see the video on the internet? No. McCone showed me. It got banned. A girl was filming. A girl? Guy. Girl? McCone?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
There was a girl on her phone. The video went viral for a second. She's just filming a body on the ground, and she's drinking a Starbucks walking by. It's not a big deal. Honestly, this is the kind of stuff where you're like, I don't know what's happening now. I don't know what's happening now. Everybody's in a pure panic.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Juan Carlos Lopez Gomez. Yeah. That's the problem. You're giving them too much ammunition. That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it was just Juan Carlos, fine. Or Vladimir. Vladimir. Vladimir Gomez. Fine. That's fine. That's totally fine.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Yeah, Rosende, because it's probably like Rosende Capalo Fosano. Do you have a lot of those, too?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
You know what theirs is for? Land and lineage and all this bullshit. We keep the women the mama.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
The record for the longest personal name belongs to Herbert Blaine Wolfenschlagengauschenhafenbergendorf Sr. Wow. German-American typesetter.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
So Juan Carlos Gomez is he's being deported. He got released. Oh, he's back.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Give him something to drink. Just water. Just bring him a coffee. Bring him a soda. Yeah, but he's in a maximum, you know what I mean, gulag. That looks pretty minimum to me. That looks like a cracker barrel. I don't think he's out. I think he has to go back in. By the way, I had, while I was gone, I had Waffle House. Haven't had Waffle House. Love it. I haven't had it in 20 years. Phenomenal.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
We don't have one in L.A. We don't have any Waffle Houses in Los Angeles? In California. What?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Well, it's funny because we're always on the road, so I see them all the time.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Hardee's is what? What's the same chain? Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr. Okay. Dude, I ate late at night Waffle Houses. What'd you get? I mean, we got the, what is it called? It's this combo. It was eggs, two kinds of meat, potatoes. We got multiple waffles to share because I was hungry.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Well, because it's like, what do you call it? It's like garlic bread, butter bread, garlic bread. Yeah. Texas toast. Texas toast.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Do you want to work a 24-hour restaurant for $6 an hour? Yeah, that's right. And deal with drunk fuckheads at 3 in the morning? You're right, right. I tip my hat to these people. Oh, yeah. By the way, here's the thing about Waffle House. I'll give them a shout-out. They love fights. Oh, my God, look at that. They posted this. This is Waffle House posting it from their account. Wow.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
This is incredible. You know why they're doing this? This girl, she didn't finish her waffle, and that's the staff taking it out on her. You've got to finish your meal at Waffle House. Oh, my God. That girl had too much Waffle House. That's Waffle Mansion right there.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Entire Waffle subdivision happening. Yeah, look at that. Oh, my God. So this is an entire Twitter page dedicated to fights at Waffle House. A lot of times it's the staff fighting.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
I did not. Neither did I. I don't know. Here's the wild shit. You always see a manager jump in. Yeah. Like this lady, this old white lady jumping in. Yeah. Hey, Sheila. Yeah. Take a hike. Yeah. You're going to get killed. You're going to get killed. Yeah.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
You know what's so funny? The last couple of guys that have come up to me are so polite and nice. We're not famous enough for it to be a thing. But the guy came up to me at the airport. He was like, oh, Mr. Santino. I was like, hey, man, I just got off. I don't want to do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, oh, cool. Yeah, that's what they do. It was very nice. Yeah, they're very nice.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
It was sold out. After I put his name on a flyer. That's not true. Yes, it is. Here's how I know you're lying. We were- Andreus. He doesn't know.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
No, but they don't do that to everyone, dude. The way that real famous people get harassed. Like, look at all the shit that's going on with Justin Bieber. They can't. Leave this fucking kid alone, man. And they're like, oh, he's being mean to the paparazzi. He's like, yeah, no shit, man. No shit. Leave the kid alone.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
This was posted an hour ago? Yeah. It's insane, dude. Leave the kid alone. Leave him alone, dude. Obviously, it's like he's twisted up right now.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Let him be. Let him be. Little Papa Smurf. Yeah. Would you be able to live like that?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
no yeah me either no the good news is i'm not that talented so i'll never have to worry about it either me them either yeah the kanye stuff too it's like almost you can almost say part of his crack came from the paparazzi like this like filming him in the morning in the morning but that's just crazy yeah it's crazy i think i think part of the reason these people go nuts is because of this like constant it's constant not healthy
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Neither is the fame, though. Beyond the paparazzi. The fame itself isn't healthy. Being that famous isn't healthy. Who's that?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Are you out of your mind right now? Thank you. Are you literally out of your mind right now?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Well, I wouldn't want them there. Did Carlos go to yours? No. Yeah. He wasn't invited. Yeah, yeah. But that was deliberate. You won't be getting an invite. Right. You know what's gonna break his heart? That means the most to him. Who? Carlos.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Yeah, let us think. Is this a no slam allowed? Yeah, it's a one-way street. How about this? Is Fancy invited to your special? I think so, yeah. You do? Yeah. He's been kissing your ass all day. I know. I think so. Playing it right. I think when I leave in May, taking my parents on vacation, not to be sound- It's probably our last family vacation together. Well, my parents are getting older.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
They're not going to travel a lot. So like, it's weird. It's fucking weird to be this age and to be like, I don't know. I don't think my parents will ever get on a plane again with me and go somewhere far. Wow. Where are you going to go? I'm taking them to Italy. Oh, great.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
But I think like when I go away, because I'm gone with them for like a week and a half, why don't you take a Bobby vacation and get away and disappear from all this shit and don't do anything business. Just disappear for a while. And see where you fall into. See who you meet. See what you get into. Like what Dax is doing in Japan. Why don't you do that? Why don't you disappear for a week?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Wait, why? I'm not asking him to use. I'm saying go be one with yourself.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
I trust you enough to know that you're comfortable in your sobriety?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
I actually don't know where that is. I don't know where that is. I'm not even kidding.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Is it in the French Polynesian? No, I mean, is it in the Virgin Islands? Virgin Islands. Let's go. That's how small it is? Yeah, French. What is that? That's the Virgin Islands. Am I wrong? Look at the pictures. Go to Barbados, Bob. Yeah, I want to go to Barbados. Can we get him to Barbados, guys? No, I can do it. Look at it. Wow. Wow. Don't you think? Bobby on a beach. Barbados.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
You're sitting on that beach. Half my torso's in a shark's mouth. Look it, I see you in that cabana right there. Yeah, dead. Smoking a cigarette. Heroin overdose.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Hey, so we genuinely want to say thank you so much to our fans. It means the world to us that you guys have been around five years. Oh my God. We've been doing this and we're up to 2 million subscribers. That's incredible. We're going to keep making you laugh with beautiful content. Please come see us because we don't know when we're going to tour again if you're in London or Dublin.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
You got to come. You got to come see us because we might not be able to tour for a long time. Bobby's got a special coming out that he's going to take some time down because he's been working very hard. So please come see us in London and Dublin, and we really appreciate the fans. You guys mean the world to us. Thank you so much. I mean it. I love it.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
We'll always be here for you. And if you at home want some changes, if you can submit to take over for one of the staff members, please email carlosinthebooth at gmail.com. That will go to Carlos, but we'll have to have someone else flag it because he will just delete all these emails.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
uh yeah you will give him the login go to carlos in the booth at gmail.com and andreas will read those and by the way uh send in a video of you um auction uh what is that auditioning for that job you can replace one of these guys i have no problem i have no problem with the year and i actively delete resumes that come in well we're gonna make sure that we're gonna change it now we're gonna change it so that carlos if you ever wanted a job on here i've deleted it
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Another thing we can't trust. That's what I'm saying. It's like we cannot trust this guy.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
He's smoking weed, deleting emails. All right. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Do you guys smell this? Do you smell that? Do you seriously smell that? No. It seriously smells like gas. You gaslighting piece of shit.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Big Trouble, Little China? No, you're in Big Trouble with me. No, no, no. You're Big Trouble and I'm the Little China. I asked you for one favor.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Bobby Lee. All right. All right, so Andrew. What time is it? I have a dinner, 8.30 to nine. And then what did I say? I'm not able to head over after dinner. I was out of- That's so funny. Trying to secure some stuff for us. Stop, because you know what?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Racist? I just wanted some Korean language. I wanted some words in Korean.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
No, I wanted words to help me understand. Is somebody in there that's shaked?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
What was yours? I said, I'm at a business dinner. I can't make it there. I'm at a dinner. And I was on a date. Time out. You were on a date. I called the date. What's better? Or business? We'll say it together. One, two, three.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
Look, first of all, I back you up on a constant basis. I've never not had your back. hash this out with him, tell him why you're really upset.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
About the thing about them tricking you. I don't like that. That makes me. Fuck you. I don't like that.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
No, he's an outsell. He's been doing really well lately. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He told me in the car ride over here he's doing great.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
That's your style. I had nothing to do with this. And by the way, him out of the cake wasn't a prank. I didn't have anything. By the way, who told me? Okay, let's come clean. When did I learn about the cake?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
It had nothing to do with it. I know, but- How am I getting roped into this?
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
He was sitting there just fine. I said, come out. You need to come out.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
He built it, and I learned about it today. How'd you know he was in there? Because I'm not a fucking idiot.
Bad Friends
2 Million Subscribers
You know what, dude? Don't threaten me. Don't fucking threaten me.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I know. You did your time. But his Asian wife, 65. Right? And dog died and two dogs survived. Who were the survivors? Let me see the survivor dogs. Yeah, survivor dogs, man. Yeah, yeah. There they are. There's some of the dogs. Those are German Shepherds. German Shepherds.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Oh, so you're saying if they don't have the numbers, we're not going to be able to tell what Korean is what?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
That's not what you're saying. Then explain to what you're saying. Maybe I was being racist, but explain to me. That was what I was saying.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
There is a similarity. No, I have Asian eyes. Uh-huh. And maybe it's like the movie They Live. What's that? They Live was a Roddy Piper movie. Oh, nice. And he puts on glasses and he can see messages and signs and aliens through the glasses. And that's what my little Asian eyes are. Yeah, yeah. They Live. It's a great movie. It really is. John Carpenter, I think, did it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Thank you for saying that out loud. I just thought that. Yeah, what do you see? Through Letterboxd. Like, do you see this? I'm a Criterion Collection movie guy. You know what I mean? No.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
You're not IMAX. Dude, you don't see IMAX. That's good. If you're looking through, you can see the sky.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I feel like you're opening them. I make noises if I do it. Oh, yeah. You have to.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Guy, let me tell you something about ethnicities. We're the same. And the type of person you are, you make it different. I see a black heart. You saw Blackheart in this guy? Yeah, and you have colon cancer.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Name me one Korean with AIDS. Can't do it. You can't think of it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He's on the move. I got bumps all over my penis. What? Do you? Different mounds, different colors.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Do you really think? I pee green for some, you know. You know, he's never been tested. Yes, I have. Fuck. When? When? Four months ago, I got tested.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I just thought he goes, you think we should get tested?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Oh, you'll speak back. Well, whenever an Asian does an accent, I'm respectful and I do the accent back.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They were very good in the Holocaust. They were good, dude. And their work is not credited. Right?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But he was in LA. Yeah. So I just called the director FaceTime and I go- since he's in LA, I don't think he should need, he goes, I want the accent.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, and I go, yeah, but you know, I mean, if it was in Korea, maybe, I was talking to an English, I want the accent.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
You find it's been- I'll tell you who fucked me up about it. Who? John Cho.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
John Cho is Hawaii Five-0? No, John Cho is, we did Harold and Kumar together.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in the Star Trek movies as Sulu.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
ZocDoc, when was the last time you needed to go to a doctor, but you pushed it off? Like, oh my God, you know what I mean? I don't have time. Everything will be fine. My wifey.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
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Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
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Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
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Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
You guys, I would not be standing here right now or sitting here without it. My body does not move without energy shots. You know what I mean? Because I'm a sloth. Right. And I don't move to the rhythms of the universe.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I love these shots, man. Like sometimes I'm super tired. I got to perform in front of, you know, thousands and thousands and thousands of people. I get a shot of energy.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He looks at me, and I ask him, I go, we were on sets. I forgot what it was, and I go... you ever do accents? He goes, yeah, I don't do them. Do you get offered? Yeah, I just don't do them. I go, why? He goes, I just don't think we need to. And it's just an integrity thing. He goes, I'm fine that you do it because you do a lot of broad comedies and I get it, but I just don't want to do it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And it made me feel shame about it. Why? Because every role I get is an Asian accent. Oh,
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Wild Walker coming. And they're like, yeah, I mean, you don't need an accent, but I don't know why I have one right now.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
We never go to these places. Never go to these places. Once the show's done, we no come back. We no come back. Yeah, yeah. So you got to go.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay. I think we shouldn't predict. Okay. You know what I mean? No, because you know what happens on the show when we predict? Yeah, it doesn't. It happens. But so here's the thing. They say it's not carbon monoxide poisoning. Got to be. They said it's not. And they said it's not foul play. So I have a prediction. Fair play. So maybe someone deserved to kill him. It was fair play.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
The Throwback, nothing. Drugstore June, nothing. Magnum P.I., nothing. No Magnum P.I. Yeah, you're right.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Can I say something a little derogatory towards you right now, Andrew, if I may?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
This is the first time I've seen your ankles. Oh, really? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Unbelievable. What was the first album you ever bought? The Velvet Underground and Nico album. Really? Yeah, at like 12. Wow.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And I think this, okay? One of the dogs was scared of the Asian wife. Oh, at some point. He's thinking, I'm going to go soon. It's me or her. No, he's German. They're German shepherds. I don't know.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He goes, yeah, yeah, get me whatever you guys get. We were in a meeting at Sony executives and he's telling the, you know this happened. He's telling the group where he met certain people. This is the first time I met any of these people. He's like Bill Clinton in like the best way. In 2009, man. Remember you had that office over on this and this and this? He's like, yeah, man.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I've been fucking with you for a while. That's who you are.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And by the way, Jean's getting so old, he couldn't control her from doing that. Right. So one day, the dog, I can't do a German accent.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I'm going to give you some insight. Yeah. He's going to be very mad about it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
All right. When we go to the airport, he acts as if he's Jason Bourne. Hat down. You know what I mean? Yeah. Right? Rifling. He's a star. Yeah. I mean, just see. I'm open haired. No, I know. Bright eyed. You know what I mean? Say hi to everybody. Yeah. Right. This guy thinks he's fucking Ethan Hunt. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, do it for me. Saw a gigantic chocolate bar exposed.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He doesn't buy shit. I like to look at the Dolly Ranchers. He moseys. He moseys until he's recognized. Correct.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, so here's the deal. I need you to back me up, okay? Okay, okay. So here's the logic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I want you to be, your heart open.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I know, but you know what it does to you. What does it do to me? It kills you. So he saw the chocolate bar, right? This is my time. And what does the other two dogs say?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
One time you said to me, we weren't at the airport. I was just sitting there on a curb or something, and you turned to me and goes, I like your fashion. Yeah, I think it looks cool. So you know that I dress a certain way. You got great fashion. I think you look cool. Undoubtedly. Yeah, so what I'm saying is that I don't dress differently in my regular life than the airport.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay, secondly this, I can't go into the convenience store? Are you parched ever? Yeah. You want a bottle of water? Yeah. Are you allowed to get one? Yeah. If somebody accidentally goes, yo, Andrew Schultz, Are you attention seeking?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And Andrew, I want to say one last thing. Yes, please. And this is a truism. Yes. Okay. I have Ozempic burps. I just took a shot. Don't. Are you doing the Ozempic? Yeah, I did it like an hour ago.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So check this out, okay? Many years ago. Is he really on it? Yeah. Yes. How does that? I'm nauseous all the time. Like I'm on chemo. Let's move on.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all going to get it. All right, so I was doing a radio show with Patrice O'Neill in New York. And I was complaining about how Dr. Ken is getting everything at that time. Right? And he pulled me outside. When we were done, he goes, yo, son. That's what he said.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
No, no, he wasn't there. And he just goes, you know you and I are similar, right? I go, in what way? He goes, we don't know how to do the social shit. You know what I mean? We don't know how to bend or bridge the gap, right? We're so insecure and so we're comics, you know what I mean? That we can't go to a party and fake it. and have this mask that some people wear, you know?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yes. And at that moment I go, this kid is going to go places.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Because of just what your vision of what Hollywood's going to be like was spot on, right? And that what we're doing online is the future and all that stuff. And you said that many, many years ago.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They don't have web spider monkeys. Anyway, they have longer arms. I put monkey on it, but that's just how I feel. So what I want to say to you is this, okay, is I don't know what I was going to say. Oh, yeah. So this...
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Right, right. We connected. I thought I had good ideas about how the business would go. Right. And you were right on it, but you had a confidence about you, right? That was very... Just confident. You know what I mean? And you fulfilled all those things.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So I kind of put you in his category in many ways. Ah. You know what I mean? I think he's better socially. Oh, I know what I was going to say. That's not even what I was going to say.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
That's nice. Anyway. I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing. I'm saying. You're leaving? Get him a water. Oh, there's one right by you. Right by your foot. Right by your foot. Okay.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And I'm putting the flower in your gun. Get off the range. Right? Like the fucking 60s, dude.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I'm not even going to say what I'm going to say. You started this. I'm not even going to say what I'm going to say. You fucking started it. Oh, I'm going to say my point. It's not funny. It's an observation. Oh, go ahead. So wham. The band? Yes. Okay. He says we're the band Wham. So the Wham broke up. I thought that was the first album. Why did the Wham break up? Why? Egos. Yes.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
That's a long play. I don't know if he would go all the way to New Mexico. Yes, he would. He loves New Mexico. How do you know that Viggo Morrison likes New Mexico? We vacation there.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Every band happens. Ego. I understand this philosophy. But you guys. And human nature. You guys never have that issue. We never have. Do you know why? Why is that? I give him majority of the power. Yes, I do.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So that I don't break up the band. It's out of love for you.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I know, because it's the cyber age now. This guy shows up to practice like, did anybody tune my shit? Yeah. We have a garage band now. What do we need instruments for? But anyway... No, I'll tell you why this band is so good. Tell me, tell me, yeah. For real. Be honest, because I thought what I said was kind of honest, but.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
The truth be this, okay, if I may. Yeah. Okay, and I'm not attacking you. I'm not attacking you. I love you so much, right?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
All right, so. Good. Okay. There's a flower in that. Go. Okay, so. You do have fun. I know when, I know, like there was one time. Yeah. And he knows with me too.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
There's one time where I told the crew, I don't think today is a good day to like let Andrew be, he's going through something. Because I know he goes through the depression.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah. It's really bad. It's like clinical almost.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
It is literally clinical. He literally shuts down and he doesn't say anything all day long.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So if I went, what the fuck's your problem? That would cause a riff. Yeah. So I let him be him.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And then when I'm going through my stuff, he lets me be me. I lift him up.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Let me try it. Hold on. Hold on, dude. Blue Chew. I have ED sometimes. And I thought I wasn't going to die. But now Blue Chew. And now I can get erect. And now I can do lovely bubblies.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Exactly. Blue Chew tablets are made in the U.S. And prepare it and ship directly to your door. You can take them anytime, day or night, or you can just plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Here's another one that you forgot. So good. Young Frankenstein. Oh my God. He plays the blind guy. That's right. So funny.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And we got a special deal for our listeners, Andrew. We do. Try your first month of Bluetooth free. Visit Bluetooth.com for more details and safety information. And we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast. Shopify. Ladies and gentlemen, we have an online business. We wouldn't do it without Shopify because they're the best.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So if you're growing into your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell whatever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Go to shopify.com slash badfriends, all lowercase, to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash badfriends. Please, give me a shot. Sorry. Thank you so much. Why are you thanking me? Thank you so much. Yeah. I forgot what the part was. You know what I mean? Thank you. Do you have conflicts with India? See? Do you have conflicts with India? He really doesn't care.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Ask me a question you really care about. Yeah, do you have conflicts with India?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
He stopped texting me for a while. Why? Because I never returned.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But that's not because of a personal thing. If he doesn't understand that, that's his problem. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Have I ever texted you back? Yeah. Every time? Every time. Yeah. You're a big star. Let's say you're number one on the call sheet.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, like, so Michael Bay, the director. Oh, let me tell the story.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Hey everyone from Texas, Houston specifically. I need you to buy tickets for my show on March 28th and 29th of this year. Go to HoustonImprov.com. Buy the tickets or I'm going to hurt myself. I'm going to hurt myself. I might die. I might die.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay, thank you. I don't like your energy right now. Tone it down. No, go ahead. Okay. So he comes, right? And it's always... So we're in the green room, in the main room, in the bathroom part.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
In the private part, right? He sits down and it's always like, World War II, right? They're attacking. You're a convenience store owner. You're still a merchant guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a rule. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Explain me the history of LA culture. He's pitching him a role.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Right? Right. And I get so discombobulated. Yeah, that's right. Is that the right word?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Discombobulated. Yeah. I go, I need to fucking do a pass.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
So what I do, and this is the difference between him and I, whereas I'm not comfortable. Like he's invited me like, hey Lee. I go, Michael? He goes, come over for Thanksgiving. There's no way I'm gonna go over there for Thanksgiving. Oh, it's that close. So I don't show up.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Invite him to the Super Bowl. I go, I'm going to Miami, which I was. Are you familiar with his work? Yeah, I love it. Yeah, he's a prolific filmmaker. I love his movies. They're just action-packed fun.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Big time. He's big time. And then he's on the Celtic court front seat. I saw that. Who gets that? Jack Nicholson and this guy. Celtic court? I wouldn't be able to get in the building. Jack Nicholson. Are you just saying that because of The Departed?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They go to the Celtic Club in Boston, right? I couldn't get in the building. And if I do, I'm the top row with the hand, with the finger. I don't believe that. You know what I mean? Thank you, by the way.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I don't believe that to be true. I'd have to buy a ticket. There's no connections I have, and that's the truth.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
That's crazy. Validate that. Is that kind of what happens? Be real. Be real, Carlos. I'll get mad.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Exactly. Yeah, but you push away. I don't push away. You push away. I escape. Okay. Two different things. Okay, dude, you get it. You know what I mean? Let me ask you something. If you're in Auschwitz, would you be digging holes? Wait, what? I think that's a wrong term for that. If you're in a Japanese internment camp. There it is.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
If you're in a Japanese internment camp, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be the Japanese going.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They looked at the penises? No. Okay, that's what I did.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Right. But he survives, you know what I mean? By Pearl Harbor. You know what I mean? I-Chinese. I-Chinese, right?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when he's older, maybe the LA riots. Yeah. He's an old man. I Chinese. Gets out of all.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Like, this is going to be fucking easy. Yeah, but my argument against that is there was some- Because Japanese have been a part of America for so long.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, that's all. Yeah, some of them were second generation Asians.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And that's what happened to George Takai. Yeah. George Sakai. Right. As a kid. Yeah. He was Japanese though.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Let me ask you about the baby. Yes. Talk to me. How many do we have now? Yeah, I got one. Still one. Yeah, still one. I was talking to Kalilah earlier today. It's never enough.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, thank you. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're past that. Yeah, yeah. You know how I feel about it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I lost money. It's not a lucrative thing. Unless you're Ryan Reynolds.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Oh, that feels like we're just piling on. I don't ever stick a penis in my butthole.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
When a girl puts on a dildo and they fuck you from behind.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They really don't fucking know. I'm so glad because I've seen some uggos.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah. Walk that baby. Yeah, fried noodle it. But what I would do is, because when the feet comes out in the body, it stretches the vagina.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
There's another story that I just saw on TikTok. It's the movie that he did, that sci-fi movie with Jake Gyllenhaal.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And I will have one. Good. Yes, you will. I got to find the person, though. You'll be a great papa, too. And it's difficult. It's been difficult, Andrew. What's your thing? You get behind it. Yeah, I get behind the condom. I mean, I don't do it reverse. Are you saying hit it from behind? Yeah. I feel like- You think I stick the fucking condom in my butthole and do it from behind?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. Okay. I'll try that next time. But I did. But a lot of times, women are like, I know you enough. What position? What position? I think you get behind it. I don't. My knees burn. Yeah. He's got bad knees. That's really rude. What do you mean? Because I have short legs. Okay. And the women that I date are much taller than me.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. So then they have to do a squatty thing too. And we're all burning thighs. You know what I mean? And it's like, I'll do like 10. And then I'll go, hey, you want to switch back to missionary? That's the one I'm good at.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But here's the thing that they do. I don't understand this.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They get on it. Yeah. instead of going up and down, they think they're in a luau. Can I tell you why? They think they're in a luau and it's twisting your thing, you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Collateral Horizon. Life. We were right there. We were right there. So close. I would have got life. So see the girl that's, go back. Rebecca Ferguson. Rebecca Ferguson said something crazy about him. I don't know if it's true. I wasn't there. It looks true. But he was really mean to her.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I don't have the length. I didn't say that at all. I never had to flip out when it does up and down.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. And they need to shake it around to hit the sign. Yeah. You know how like grass, the breeze? Yes. You frolic through grass? Yeah. It's kind of like that, my penis. Really? Yeah, it just frolics.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Just pull up the cord. No, Andrew, okay? Many women have said it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Maybe you have a great dick and you've been catfishing us. No, gaslighting us. I'm being real for a second. Ian Fiden saw it. You showed it to me and I was... I was...
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And it's on 80 every day. And I was like, I don't know what that, you know what I mean? I like you. And then when they see it, they go, oh, it's boyfriend.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I got husband dick. I got girlfriend dick. Ian financed on mine in the spa.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And he can judge. He also has bad vision. When things blur, they widen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he even said, it's so cute. That's mean. Why? I think it's a compliment. I think it's a different. I think it's sitcom penis. Oh, yeah. Like it tests well. I'm here. It tests well. It does test well. You know what I mean? Like if it was in a sitcom, they'd be like, people are like, oh.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. It's Pixar. Whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nemo. Not Nemo, not Nemo. Dory. Not Dory, no, no, no. I don't really know. What's that big white blob of a, you know what I mean? The robot, inflatable white. Oh, that one.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. How long has marriage been a thing in human race? No, 5,000 years. Okay. 4,300 years. So 4,300 years.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Were human beings around before that? Yeah. For how many years? A lot. Probably thousands of years. Thousands more. More. Maybe it could be a million. Maybe millions. Right? We don't know. What the fuck did they do that in a million years? They got married. No, they didn't. You don't think? No, they were nomads. Well, you still got married. No, no. You would go to a village or a dwelling. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I love him. He's so talented. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. So fucking funny.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. And so one day she comes on set and she goes, I'm not doing scenes with you anymore. I'm going to do it with the tennis ball.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. And then the producer went up to her and she goes, he's number one on the Chicago seat. He has to be there.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But what I'm saying is that, is it human nature to be with one person for the rest of your life?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Having a partner for the rest, I don't know if it's genetically.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. You're in love with this person. I watched a documentary called Civilization. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So we were nomads for many, many years. Yeah. Okay. As soon as we had grown crops. Yes. Wheat. Wheat.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And we made settlements. Yeah. And that's when the marriage thing came.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay. You know, I believe it's supposed to be true then.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Everyone's dead. My brother not. Dead. Steve's younger.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah. No, what? If Steve's still alive, probably most to him. And then the rest too? If you're still alive, I'd give you some.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to do it and then I'm going to disappear.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
We'll bank it because I want two weeks. Where are you going to go? I'm going to go to Costa Rica.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Okay, then I'll do a month of promoting, and then I'll go to Cluster.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They didn't hit that number that you wanted? No, they never offered.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And when Denzel's a truth teller. He really is. When he says like, I don't know if it's A.I., But with his voice. Well, it could be. He can say anything and it'll be like a spiritual experience.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
They do, they do. They treat the uggos differently. The couple last movies, I was in one of those. Quarter, like a fucking. I'm talking a quarter, 10% trailer. It was like barely a human being could go in there.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Literally the toilet and that's it. You're sitting on the toilet to watch YouTube videos. And then you have to wait there for so long. All day. All day. And then you're like... Hey, can lunch, can I leave? No. And they go, no, absolutely not. We need you. What if we need you? So then lunch happens four hours later. They don't need you. They don't need you. It's bullshit.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I know, but can I say something for a redhead? And I get a lot, one time I was at one of your shows. What do you mean, at our show that we do together? No, we weren't doing it together. It was a show that I was supporting you.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And a lady in the audience, I was sitting kind of in the side, and she turns to me and goes, your boy is handsome.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
No, I've heard a lot of that on the internet. I've heard a lot about it in my direct messages. And I just want you to own up to your handsomeness. No, no, no. Because you have a mutant color of the hair. Yeah, because I'm a mutant. I'm a freak. But the faces. Andrew Santino is so hot. What the fuck? Yeah, but that's a guy. These are all guys. They're not guys, dude. Trust me. Look at 2020, 2022.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
What is that? When you type in Bobby Lee hot. It's about spicy wings. Spicy wings. Right? That ate hot stuff. But you do. No, I know I have, but that's bullshit. Wait, scroll down a little.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I do it for comedy. You always do it for comedy. Yeah. Anyway, let's get out of that. But you're hot. Let's move on. No, no way. You can't say you're an ugly one.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Timothee Chalamet. Exactly. And from what I've talked to Theo about, because Theo had him on. Oh, yeah. He's the nicest guy.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
You know what I mean? And he's unaffected, and he... Why can't you just be that? You know you're on the top of the world. You know how much money you're making.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
And why can't you just accept that and go, you know what I mean? I'm grateful for everything that I've... Something's going on inside.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I had to, dude. Even your mustache is fancier. I hate it.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
Yeah. Don't get defensive, dude. Oh, is that Korean? That's great. What does that mean? Bad friends. Bad friends. Oh, sick. Yeah, yeah. You know, I was talking to somebody about, somebody went to that Euro of sushi place. They said it was the best sushi. And then I told them, I go, Andrew Schultz didn't like it. And they couldn't, no one can believe that. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
I'm just saying. It might not be the best. Yeah, yeah. They're good at flying. They're not good at driving. Let's just say that.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
But can I go back to the movies, though? We make better movies, the Koreans. Koreans do make the best film.
Bad Friends
Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz
It's a franchise. I'm not in it. You're not? I'm not the squid.
Bad Friends
Sick In Japan
Hi, Dex. My name is Katie. I'm 34 years old. I am a single mom. I have a four-year-old son that lives with me full-time. I work in Orange County. I work at a veterinary hospital. I'm a practice manager. So I'm around...
Bad Friends
Sick In Japan
animals all day pretty much um I do like to go to comedy shows I was at the comedy store a few weeks ago when you opened for Bobby and Andrew and that was awesome um you were super funny and I like going to hockey games I'm a huge hockey fan um I like good food um I don't really know what else to say but yeah hopefully I get to talk to you soon
Bad Friends
Sick In Japan
A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Hello. Hello. Hello, mate. My. Beans on toast. We're coming to London, England, and Dublin, Ireland. Right.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I'm Andrew the waiter. Yeah, Andrew the waiter. All right, so keep going. Because I'm learning from you.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I know. It was $9. Yeah. So, Benny, the reason why, because a girl told me I was fat, and she was not attracted to me when we were making out, and I had to lose the weight.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah, yeah. I was chicken, chicken. Yeah. And she's like, I don't like that sound. How about that? Oh, you're listening to yourself. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, go. And then afterwards, go ahead. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Is there sexual, when you worked with her before, was there some sort of sexual tension?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
ZocDoc. Ow, ow, ow. What's going on? Your throat? Ow, ow, ow. Your throat's broken? Oh, yeah, my throat's broken. Oh, my God. Your throat always breaks. And as a podcaster, I need my throat to work. Yeah. I have a recommendation. What? ZocDoc. Oh, ZocDoc.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
That's right, guy. Oh, wow. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. Wow.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash bad friends. ZocDoc.com slash bad friends.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
If I display it in the 80s, Because I had a lot of rock posters on my wall.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Displate is a one-of-a-kind metal poster designed to capture your unique passions. Displate created a 21st century canvas that's sturdy, magnet-mounted, and durable enough to withstand a lifetime of intense staring.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Stop getting so horny. We're like. I'm a hard. Yeah. Yeah. So hard. Yeah. Keep going. Jazz. Thai food. My favorite.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
It's so funny that you say that. What? That was a Wigovie burp. Wigovie burp. Sorry, that was a Wigovie burp. That should be a commercial for Wigovie. Yeah, yeah. I had an injection late yesterday. Did you? Yeah, yeah. What is Wegovy? It's the same thing as- Ozempic and Mancharo? Yeah, yeah. Where does it- In your stomach.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Let's go back to you and Selena because it was a side quest. Second date, she comes over to your house.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I have. We're getting there. We're getting there. No, I have. But also, 99%. Yeah, you felt it. You can't be 80% sure. Oh, my God. Sketchy. If she would have went like this, if she would have went and turned away, is the working relationship done at that point? No more songs? No, I don't think so.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
But you would have to apologize like, I'm sorry, I read it wrong. I guess so.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You've read it wrong? Yeah. You've read it wrong? I've read it wrong, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You know what, Benny? Your tone today... Dude, it went from like equal grounds to like you being like them. No, I have you on a roller coaster. That's right.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
We have our appetizer. We're going to work on the appetizer for a second. We have to discuss this first.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I know. There's only two things on the appetizer, but you know what I mean?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Oh, can I ask you this before? You're not getting into it. Yeah. You don't have to get into specifics, right? But did the kiss lead to more that day? It did not. Okay, when did that happen? He wants to know date and time. No, I don't want to know date and time. I just eventually like, and don't get specific. No, no, no. When did you guys start dating then? Immediately.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
hands free well we already are hands free but we're like there's nothing in our face we're not wearing a headphone like we're just talking in a room you don't have to wear headphones but this is how we hear each other more crisp and you can hear the levels if we play video I know what Benny's saying what you're saying like a lav mic or something or like maybe a mic here yeah maybe just something simple right Benny what's it like having a super famous fiance very good question can you go to wait wait can you go to a mall like can you go to the Beverly Center with her no
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I'm being for real. There's no way. I swear. You will get nothing done. I swear I take a fucking boat. So you don't fly ever.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You never do that? Never did that before, yeah. This is what producers do. Rick Rubin. Quincy Jones. Yeah, that's a Quincy Jones move right there, dude. You let it go right in your butt. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Oh, it's working. It's working. See, dude, you wear them down. Yeah. Now, does that work, wearing down? Be honest. Be your truth. Yes. Wearing down helps. I think so.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
But in many ways, you wore Selena down, no? I mean, you were working together for years, right? So you had that friendship. Trustworthy.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
All right, so I'm not going to try. Yeah, maybe just go on friend dates. Anyway. I don't know yet. I don't know yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You never, try. No, like. Let's try. Well, you don't go to the Beverly Hills.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
We love the belly fat of that baby hedgehog. Oh my God, it melts right in your mouth.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I'm all here with you, Bobby. The way you laughed just now, dude, really pissed me off, bro. It did? When you were poor in the 90s. Did it make you mad in real life? Yeah, it did. Everyone laughing, fuck off. Did it make you mad in real life? Yeah. I was just trying to... I got... I was being honest. I know, Benny. I got...
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
When I was 23 and I was performing as an open mic-er is when I got the confidence to meet. But before that, I was a version.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I guess at 23, dude. 23 was first blowjob. Was 23 first kiss? I mean, I kissed out a girl. I kissed out. Kissed out a girl? She was knocked out. I kissed her out, dude. He kissed her so hard. Okay. Yeah. So I kissed a girl in high school. Her name was. No need to say the full name.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah, Maganol. And then the next Monday, it was a weekend, she denied it to everyone that she kissed me.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
And I opened it for Carlos Mencia back in the 90s, right? And I hooked up with her. I had sex with her, right? Then years later, I ran into another comic and he's like talking about her. You know what I mean? Yeah, she hooked up with all these comics. He listed the name. Yeah. And I go, was I in the list? He goes, no, she didn't mention you. Thank you.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I do. I have powers too, dude. Okay. Okay. I don't have Selena Gomez power, but I buy my own power, dude.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
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Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No. No. No. Perfect. He fucks her. Sends her to the hospital. He fucks her. Wow. And she's like, ah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
That's a movie. This is a movie. That's it. Yeah. Never spoke to her again. It's like that, how's them apples? Yeah. Right? Yeah. That scene. Yeah. Isn't that amazing? It's an amazing story. It's a true wonder story. I've never had a wonder story. Have you ever had a wonder story? You live a wonder story.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Here's another thing that I want to tell people right now. I'm glad we're bringing this up. Okay, now it's just FYI. Anyone that sees me at Wii Spa, right, don't recognize me. What do you think? You know what I mean? You're in a steam room. It's steamy. Are you Bobby Lee? They say that to you? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And we're all naked, right? And I always have to go, not here.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You say you're not Bobby Lee here, but you're Bobby Lee outside? I'm Ken Jeong here. Yeah. You're right. I'm Ken Jung, and then we'll go outside on Bobby Lee. My point is that it's one of those places, like when you're eating at a restaurant, where it's like, you don't do it here.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Right, but do you think naked in a spa is not a good place to get recognized?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Also, Benny, check this out. I'm 53. You're 53? Yeah, thank you. You look so young. Thank you, Benny. See this right here? That's a gun. Do you see it? Yeah. Right? Yeah. No, it's not a gun. This is a gun. Okay, what's this? This hurts. Going in your ass? No, no, no. I'm just saying. I was trying to make a point that everything hurts. Oh, yeah, I should have done that.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I get picked up. Yeah, he gets lifted. In the back. Like a trophy. No, anywhere. Everywhere. From behind, they're like, hey, I won this or whatever. Why do they pick you up? I'm small and I look like I can be picked up. He's pick-up-able. How tall are you? 5'3", 5'4".
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
What? Did you see him on SNL? No. Fucking killed. He needs to die. What? Too talented. Oh. The kid is fucking amazing. He's so fucking amazing. He is likable. Lovable. He's funny. Good looking. He can sing, play the guitar.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No. Did you see- The Elvis one was corny as fuck. Okay, did you see it though? No, I didn't. Yeah, I saw it, but he is right. Did you see the Bohemian Rhapsody?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah. You've never seen Avengers. No. Oh, you won't? No, I've never seen anything. You know any of the Avengers? No.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You gotta know one of them. You gotta know the superheroes. You're part of pop culture. So just guess an Avenger. What do you mean? Okay, you're Nick Fury, right? You're like Samuel L. Jackson's character. Who the fuck's Nick Fury? He's just in it. You don't have to guess now. Okay. I already just named him, right? Okay. So now there's an emergency, right? There's like Mexican aliens coming down.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Why didn't you just show your hand? You're right, you're right, you're right. I should have just done this. Yeah, why did I do that? I don't know. I don't know. That's insane. Are you shooting me like that you're feeble and crippled at this point? No, what I'm saying is that you get arthritis. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And your body just breaks down. And I'm sober, and it happens.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Okay. Right, from the sky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Mexicans from the sky, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You're saying who's the actor? No, no, no. You have to call the actual superhero. So who you call it? I'm your sidekick. I work for you. Spider-Man? Is he an Avenger? Yes, yes. Call Spider-Man. Yeah, call Spider-Man.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
That's it? That's all you know? Wolverine. It is Marvel Universe, not an Avenger.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
And then like, so obviously you've never heard, you've never seen any Star Wars or anything like that either then?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, no. I thought JJ Abrams. I never saw Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. Oh, No, J.J.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
So let's say I'm a girl, right? You break up with Selena, which is going to happen eventually. But my point is that, and I'm like, I'm at your house. It's like, what do you want to watch? What would we watch together? Me and you? Yeah, yeah. As guys? No, as I'm a girl. Don't say that with some hot girl. This is mustard. Yeah, mustard.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
In fact, I had my three-year AA birthday Saturday, and nobody... Damn. texted me in this room.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, that was gorgeous. Oh, okay. Isabella, Isabella, not in this lifetime.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
All right, change it to Isabella, Isabella. I do think that's better.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Because I want to say something real, though. Can I say something real to you, Benny? Yeah, you can say something. We didn't know much about you before. I really like you, man. You're such a nice guy. Intelligent. I think we have a lot in common.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, I think so, too. We're the underdogs. We're the underdogs. And you're winning. And I love it. You're winning. Yeah, so give Benny a round of applause.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You nerd. I mean, when you're married to Selena, oh, you're married? I'm engaged.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Does that make your upper lip moist? Because your upper lip right now is so moist. Mm-hmm.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Nobody knows. No one wants to fuck me. Shut up. What do you mean no one wants to? Nobody wants to fuck me. That's not true. You're bringing it up. Why? Because you're with Selena? I think you're so cute. Dude, I'm going to say something right now, and we're not going to bring it up again. I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of it, too. What is it? Because you're so loved. I'm tired of it, too.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Right now. Yes. Benny. Yes. Right now what I'm doing is I've talked to my therapist and I'm going to spend the next six months to a year completely alone. Why? Because. Celibacy? Yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, no. I'm meeting people. Okay. Right. But it's just like, you know, I want to be able to click. like this guy, and ride on a unicorn. You deserve to be on that unicorn. Thank you so much.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
If I'm a unicorn, where am I on the unicorn? Can I be honest? That doesn't look like a unicorn at all.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going left, dude. He's never going right. Anyway, I'm sitting on the horn.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah, yeah. You deserve the wine. Anyway, so go ahead. What? What? What's the question? This is your date. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
What's the rest of the fucking date? Well, it's the get to know you portion of the date. Get to know her. She's right there. Oh, really? Yeah, so.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I know, but I'm assuming it's 30. Okay. Okay. So, hey, Kalaya. No. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Right. Right, right. Hi, Mayo. Would that be a good name? Mayo. Hi, Mayo.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Bobby, can you keep going? Yeah, I'll keep going. So, Mayo, are you L.A. raised, born?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Raised or born? I was born in Tallahassee. Tallahassee, New York. No. Tallahassee, New York. Yeah, Tallahassee, New York. That's in Florida. In Florida? Yeah. Oh, I love Florida. So how long you been in LA? Bobby, I get asked this on every day. Oh, forget it. What are your dreams? My dreams? It's getting better. Oh, I like that. Yeah.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Hey, Mayo. Yeah? What the fuck you doing? Whoa. No, what do you mean, whoa?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Yeah. Fuck you, sir. Whoa. Yeah. Fuck you. You know what, male, I'm going to grab you.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Oh my God, dude. Right? We're going to where you deserve to go, Shake Shack. Oh, I love Shake Shack. Now we're in Shake Shack.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I ask about who they are. What I'm trying to get to is if they're damaged.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No. If there's some sort of deep trauma going on. You know what I mean? If they have a dream here in LA, can they make it? If they can't make it, I don't want to do it.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You know, you're a producer, right? Yeah. Right? You can hear it. If you saw a girl's Instagram and saw her singing, would you be able to, can you tell?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You're now a singer? I thought she was a boom mic. Made of sand. What I'm saying is that can't you tell as a stand-up, a girl, if she were at the open mic level, that she may or may not make it?
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
No, I just want to be able to look at she, at least she can, you know, she has the ability to make it.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Sure. I don't like when people are like, I'm a good singer. And then they can't. And that means the delusion. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want delusion. You don't want, okay. Yeah. Yeah. No delusion. I want a good family upbringing. Okay. Delusion. Boom. Mike. Yeah. Boom. Mike. Wait, but not delusion.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
Arthritis. Yeah. Okay. If they're in a, let's say their family died in a fire.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
I have like five other tables. If your parents died in a fire. Yeah. Right? And then years later, I want to take you camping. Yes. Right? And I light a campfire. You might have PTSD from it. I don't want that. You go camping? He does. I do. You actually camp? Big camp guy.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
You guys know what I'm saying. You want to know. He's not at the date. He's my waiter.
Bad Friends
benny blanco-gomez
All right, Benny, this is how Koreans, when they listen, that's the face they make. Watch any movie. Okay.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
That's the best one of the three. But it's campy.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
No, we're right back in the tent. No, we're not back in the tent. Back to the Bigfoot.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Dude, no trial. Life in prison. No trial. Life in prison.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
You didn't take that class. I didn't take that class. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
My grandfather said, be squirrel. Be squirrel. Take egg and put a hole. Put it there.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Wow. Al is a magician. Al is, he can get into anything too.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Like when a group of people walk out during a set up. People did that to you? Yeah, last night. I go, where are you going? And they turn around. We got to go to the bathroom. During a set up? Well. I get so mad. And then it's like, or they fall asleep. You get late night spots at the OR. There's always like a heroin nod lady. You know what I mean? In and out of consciousness.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. Itchies, bro. And you know what's also driving me crazy? Anime. I tell you. Dude, he's been really sticking you. He went up there. We did David Tell's benefit show for the fires. And I was second to last, but Adam went up a couple before me. He slaughtered, right? Yeah. But now I'm in the back of the room looking at the audience going... Why? I don't know why. What's wrong? I don't know.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. He's killing too hard. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look at audience and go... And they're like, why? You know what I mean? I go, don't laugh. No, no, no. Stop laughing. Yeah. And then they go, okay. And then they stop laughing. Right. And then when other groups, I go, like the Mexicans, they go crazy. I go, you know what I mean? And Adam's still killing. Was he doing him or Phil? Him.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
He's playing him. He's doing him, right? And then afterwards, I go up there, and I always do the Weasley thing. I just sit next to him. I put my arm around him. I go, you did good, huh? Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, it was fun. I go, uh-huh. And I squeeze a little bit. You're really trying to threaten him.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Is that a little big dog? Are you big dogging him when you do that? It's a little too much, man. I get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so much. And he's in a moment. And I love him dearly like a brother. You know that, right? Yeah. But it's like... But you're sick of it.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
How can you have a war? With who? With the Greeks and the... What the fuck? No, no, no. How can you have a war, right? If you're... a tiny island a micro island you know what I mean you know those micro islands you know how Philippines has those little tiny islands versus America
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, no. It's not a local war. ZocDoc. Ow. Ow. Me too. Me too. Oh, both of us. I'll tell you where to go.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Well, he does. He thinks I do. That's how I always talk to him. Where is he from? China. Oh, he's off the boat. Yeah, he's off the boat, yeah. Was he on the show? He thinks I'm from off the boat too.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
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Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
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Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
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Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
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Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You guys, I would not be standing here right now or sitting here without it. My body does not move without energy shots. You know what I mean? Because I'm a sloth, right? And I don't move to the rhythms of the universe.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
He comes over, yeah. Yeah, he comes over. I'm in the presence of a movie star. I'm in the presence of a superstar. Why do you keep singing this? Because I did two lines in Theo Vaughn's movie. I'm in the presence of a movie star. Yeah? Dude. Dude. Who'd you work for? Morgan Freeman this week. Morgan Freeman. Right? He does. I do want Theo Vaughn. I'm movie star.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I love these shots, man. Sometimes I'm super tired and I've got to perform in front of thousands and thousands and thousands of people. I need a shot of energy.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
This is a civil war. This is the North versus the South. No, let's stop. Let's stop. What are you doing? Nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not. It's more like California versus Washington. I'll give you that.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It is? I think so, right? How about this? Sac, we carve out San Jose for San Francisco, and then we go down. Okay, that's fine. Okay, good. Thank you, thank you.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
But anyway, yeah, maybe there is a little war. Yeah, see, I think you get Fresno for sure. That's huge. Yeah. It was the Josh Holm thing I think that pisses me off. That did. It fucked you up. Yeah, because he went to go see Adam backstage, and now when Adam's killing, I look at them as if they're all Josh Holm.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Don't laugh at that. You're Queens of the Stone Age. Don't laugh at that. Them crooked vultures, remember? Them crooked vultures, baby. Yeah, baby.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I see you with basketball stars now. Basketball stars? Yeah. Who? I saw you on the court with some very large African-American people.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Okay. So he plays for the Knicks. Well, you're in Boston. That's right. The Boston. Oh, no, no, no, no. The Celtics. That's right. The Celtics. Okay. Right. Celtics. Right. And is Jamal Byrd. I'm not kidding.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Because I know there was Larry Bird. There was Larry Bird. Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
There's Jamal. Jamal, Jay Bird, Charles. There he is. I miss him. Yeah. Jalen. So who is that? You're on the court. Jalen Brown. You're on the court. Yeah. And what does that feel like?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
In our careers. And Carlos knows this. If I wanted to go to the Celtics game.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
What Morgan Freeman are you talking about? The fucking eyes, the blind, the magic movie you did in fucking Hungary.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Because I'm trumping you, dog. All right. So what I'm saying is. You don't have an email. If I wanted to go to the Celtics game, I would get last row. You know what I mean? This is such a bullshit. It is. It's true. I can't. I've never been on the court. You don't go to basketball. Even if the fucking stadium was. Even if the stadium was empty on a Monday morning. I wouldn't be able to get on.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
If you like basketball, they would do the same for you. I'll never see Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift in any situation. You don't like football. I'm just saying, and you're just, you know what I mean? All I'm saying, who's the movie star here?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know what I'm like? I'm like, you know, Southwest industrial film.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
when you hit the button. I said, sorry, but I had to defend myself. I had to defend myself. He's sweating. Pete, get him your sweat rag.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Can I defend myself real quick? Yeah. All right, dude. I'm in. All right, you're in? You're 50% true. Yes. No, it's way more.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's way more. Okay, have I worked? In things, yes. Your whole life. I mean, you could just, it's obvious. IMDB means I've done things, okay? But what I'm saying is that there are certain other things like events or the circle of people that one hangs out with. Like when we're in Melbourne, right, and Dakota Fanning came in and all these people, these celebrities, they came for you.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, they did not. They came for us. They're fans of us. Had you met any of them before? My buddy Jake Lacey. Exactly. I've never even, there's no other situation where I'd be able to see him. Yeah, you would through me. You're in the presence of a movie star. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? No. So I don't get into your situation. Do I have a blessed life? Yes. And I've worked hard.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I just don't know how. You don't create relationships. My situations are me and Dave Attell in an alleyway smoking a cigarette. You romanticize this. Me and Ian Fidance at a spa.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
What are you talking about? When I got back from fucking Budapest, Jamie Lee Curtis, I'm like, you want to do something? And no return. That's what I'm saying.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Then maybe I'm picking the wrong battles. You're definitely picking the wrong battles.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Oh, come on. You know I'm kidding, right? No. The fans know. The fans don't know. Dude, the fans, you know. This podcast is a disaster. I'm sweating. I'm drowning. This is insane. Get him his sweat rack. This is crazy. I don't need a sweat rack. Get the fuck away from me. Get the fuck away from me. If you approach me, I'll fucking attack you. Get out of here. Good boy. We'll eat that, man. Anyway.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
So, all right, let's back up. So it's 50% true. Okay, so let's move forward. Let's move forward from it. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, yeah. It's wild. Thank you, Celtics organization, for letting him sit in your seats. It meant the world to me. It meant the world for him, right?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's just so good for your toe fungus. You put your feet in it? I have a concoction at home. You want to hear my concoction? It really works.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Sometimes. But the two mixtures that are... Why are you laughing, dude?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's just my left foot. I've always had a problem with my left foot.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Is that what it's about? Yeah, Bobby Lee Lewis is in My Left Foot, a new version. So My Left Foot, so I'll tell you what you do, okay? It's oregano oil and tea tree oil mixed. Swirl around. You swirl around. One to one. 50% 50, 50-50, yeah. So one to one. Yeah. And then you dunk your toe in there. And then let it sit? You sit there for like an hour. An hour? And you have to fucking angle it.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
So you're like watching an iPad movie, but your foot's like this and you're doing this.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I was on TikTok of anti-fungal machine. It doesn't work. Well, no shit. Yeah. I spent hundreds of dollars on this green machine. What are you? You stick your toes in there and the green light comes on. In an antifungal TikTok machine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that it? I don't know. I got it on TikTok. Nail fungus. And you stick your toes in there and a little glow happens.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's like a laser-y thing. You're lasering the fungus now? Yeah, and it's like nothing's happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another thing that doesn't work is when you're on TikTok, sleep gummies, that don't work. You try those? I buy every single one. What are they? CBD. Isn't that what it is? The sleep gummies? Some of them are like, oh, there's a... Fuck.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, I was getting a lot of like, guys. Oh yeah. I'm not done. I already know.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Oh, I fucking hate these videos. Right? And I'm like, who's Pepper? You have to ask the question. Who is Pepper? Right? And then they zoom down, right? And it's their fucking dog. It's their pet dog. Yeah, yeah. And we just put the injection in. Oh, God, dude. Right? And then everyone's crying. I'm like, you're sharing such an intimate moment. Yeah. I don't want to see that. No, please don't.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know what I look like there? Sicario. Sicario. A hit man. You do. Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. This is going to kill me. It's going to kill me, too. Please don't. Get out. Get out. Carlos. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Stop it. I hate those ones. What are the ones you hate? I'll be okay with a cat last day, but don't do a dog last day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dog last day is the worst.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
We're going to the planet Isurus. I swear to God. But please sit down. We have to take some tests. I don't like it. And I'm like, you know, my dick's in my hand, but I'm still zoned. It's great. I'm going to Isurus.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
So many things give me the ick, man. Um, I got a real specific one that's really stupid. You mean on TikTok videos? No, in general.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know what I mean? It's like, you've never had sushi. Yeah, you've never had real, right? Yeah. Real sushi. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I've told you this before, every time I play Charlie Goodnight's. In Charlotte? Yeah, there's Koreans that come, come with us. To where? To where? Korea, best in America. Well, it could be good. Right? No, I went. Bad. It's fucking terrible. It's like they don't know. You know what I mean? Well, okay, let's talk about restaurants.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Let's stop for a second. Push pause. Let me get the information right. Yeah. A man... Yeah. Did I get it right? You got that part. That's all I know. That's all I know. A man. No. So a man hired a hitman to kill his wife.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
pizzeria uh where did we go no i just was there this weekend yeah so i went to bianco oh pizza bianco and they gave us they're huge fans of ours by the way yeah they're great yeah and went to bianco and we're sitting there with great pizza right but it's like and they can and someone in phoenix could say you know what we have one of the best pizza sure and i'll go yes okay i agree i agree right but um
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Like a Jo Malone perfume. Jo Malone. God, I love the accent.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I'm in the presence of a president. Yes, you are. Ha ha ha!
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Nottingham. Nottingham Forest. Very proper. In the Premier League, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Oh, wow. Derby you haven't seen in the Premier League in a very long time. No. Insult. That's an insult. No, but she's a... Are you a Forest or a Derby?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
One for one. Because let's just say, if I was a guy. You are. I know, thank you. And I fucked a thousand women, right? I would have to pick, do you get to pick the women?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No. And let me ask you something before we get into this. And they framed it as a robbery. How much money would you spend? What? To kill your wife. How much money would I spend? Yeah. I wonder how much. Well, I don't want. I would want top level. Okay.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Oh, like in Dune. Yeah, it's like in Dune. Yeah, I get it.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Okay. The movie Dune. Yeah, there's a box. There's a box. That's like what you guys did at Christmas, right? At Christmas, yeah. So could I have applied?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's like that Guardian of the Galaxy ride at Disneyland. Yeah, it takes two hours to get on it. It takes forever to get there.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Nick! Nicotine pouches. We're only using Nick pouches now. It's our forever pouch with our favorite flavors. Mine is the citrus ice.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, I like sometimes at night I'll do like a smaller milligram, but during the day I go deep in.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I thought you were three. Yeah, we made the switch to nicotine pouches. We all know you'll love them too. Right now our listeners get 35% off when you order through our exclusive URL.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
That's so nice. Wow, what a gracious person. You're just a sweet, gracious person. You're like Mother Teresa in a different way.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You throw out things that don't make no sense, so I throw out things that don't make no sense to you.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Why can't I just say to another person that they're beautiful? What's the problem? Why'd you laugh at me?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Thank you. Also, make it more challenging. Mix up the letters because I can read it. That's cool. See, that would be cool. It's Texas. It doesn't fool me that it's upside down. Mix up the fucking letters, dude.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Are you super famous now in England or around the world, I mean?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Are you a hooligan or what? He knows a few English words. You're giving me a hooligan fucking vibe right here. Hello, mate. Got a problem? Fucking guy. What you looking at, dog? Dude, imagine how bad that guy would break you. I know, I know. That's why I have to put this forward. I know what you're doing. You're fighting the biggest guy in the jail cell. You'll kill me.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You'll destroy me, but you know what I mean? So you're security. He does security.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Let's turn this into a business. Can we charge for FastPass? Yeah. Yeah, but that way, like a guy like me, I can buy a FastPass, cut in line, buy another FastPass, so I'm constantly, you know what I mean? See you again. You know what I mean? What if you just fake it? Like if a guy in a wheel, is any disabled?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I'm not the IMDB. No, no, no, stop, stop. Don't even do that. It looks good. What are you doing? I'm just trying to celebrate my friend. Okay, I'm going to tell you something. You want me to expose you to the fucking truth? Okay. Go ahead. You want to be exposed to the truth, my friend. Yeah, go ahead. What is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I could play 14 Asians. Yeah, you can. You know what I mean? I can go, I don't know, right? I don't know, right?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know what I mean? I could mix it up, dude. Right? Take a mustache, put a mustache on, right? No. Ali Wong wig. You know what I mean? I could do all kinds of stuff, dude. What do you think? I believe it. Yeah, I'm Sandra Oh or whatever. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And sometimes we can do a theme like Vietnam. Yeah, right. We can have a little trail. A trail to your vagina, right? I could play as a Vietnamese like Viet Cong.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I would have a bushes there. You know what I mean? And do the sound, right? You know what I mean? And firecrackers. Yeah. So they can get into the PTSD of it, right? You know what I mean? Too. Everybody.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And then we'll get you Chinese eyes too. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. Well, on my person for tickets, it says Robert, but my Korean name is Sungwoo. Sungwoo? Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, wow. You play the dad, I play the mom. All right. Bonnie. So, Tia. Bonnie, sit down. We have to talk to you about something.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Excuse me. Our daughter's name is Tia. Oh, that's right. That's right. Tia. My bad. So, how's the cop been?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
That's great. See, my family are immigrants. They don't know what I, they've never really known what I do.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
They don't know, but they know that I make money and they know that it's, you know, I mean, that I have a skill set. Yeah. So they just kind of accept it and go, you know, he's happy, he's safe, he's making money, he takes care of us, but they don't essentially know really what it is, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Unless they, like, if I pop up on Squid Games or something, my mom would go, that he is, you know what I mean, or whatever, but like... But you're not on Squid Games, buddy. Yeah, I know, dude.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Dude, Thomas Spader is so good. He always plays the diner patron in every movie. Every. And he's so good. He never has a line, right? But when he's eating in the background, dude, you're like, oh, that guy's really eating.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I love it. Sorry, sir. Does LA feel different than England?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I haven't been there in years. I don't know. Is it gloomy? It's so different.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's a South African business, is it not? South Africa. Yeah. Anyway, let's move on. I think it is.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
What do you mean? Sorry, do we have a translator? Yeah, go ahead. I'll tell you.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, I'm nervous. You made him horny. I won't be able to get hard. It'll be just too much pressure. No, you could do it. Maybe I get Bluetooth. Maybe put some Bluetooth. Yeah, I want to get one of our sponsors to help us out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, I don't know. I don't even know what my character... Anyway, so you want me to expose the truth? Oh, yeah. Expose me the truth. Can't wait. Oh, see, when you're in this kind of mood, dude, see this.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
They don't offer you shit because they know you're going to say no. Buddy, buddy, buddy. They know you're going to say no because you know what you need? Buddy. Mucho dinero, por favor. Buddy. That's what you want. Buddy. Dinero, por favor. That's you, guy. Buddy. I go $2. I'll get it. Buddy. I'll do it for $2. This guy, oh, you got to go to UTA, then to my lawyer, and then to this guy.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I'm in the presence of a superstar. Movie star. I'm a little movie star, but this guy's a superstar, Brett. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Andrew Santino. They're in the same level. George Clooney.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And that's why they're laughing, guy. Buddy. Because you know you're fucking wrong. Buddy. Yeah.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Okay. That's what I'm saying. And now you're spitting it back at me like, why did you take the role?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I was hanging out with people, man. No, I didn't see her. When I go to Phoenix to do shows, she doesn't know I'm in town. Why would you do that? Because I have to get in the car and drive all the way to the desert and come back. I don't want to do it. Phoenix is the desert. I know. I'm saying there's more desert, though. It's just in more desert. I know. I know where your mom lives.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's 30 minutes away from where you work. I know, but deserts with less buildings. What does that have to do? When I'm in a desert, I need more buildings. It's your mom. I understand, dude. She doesn't know I'm in town. If she knew I was in town, I would go visit her.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Cry later. Big check. That's right. That's a really good one. That's an old Chinese proverb. That's a really good one.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. I have a proverb. What is it? Two white couple in suburb in Chicago, right? Sometimes they die in fire.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, no, I just mean- I think we're doing this. Let's not do this right now. All right. All right. It feels like we're doing this, right? And I don't want anything bad to happen to you. One, two, three. I'm in the presence of a movie star. Okay. Let's get back into love because you and I have some friction sometimes. How about let's do some love?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Continue to do it. Yeah. Because it's been. Sometimes we have to pivot.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. You know what's so funny? I was going to say Jeremy pivot.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah. I saw Ian Fidance's penis last night. God bless. And it's what I thought it was going to look like. Can I guess?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It looks like. Okay, is it curved? It's something you get at Starbucks.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
The head is like a purpley, orangey color with sprinkles on it. Yeah. And the stem looks like a stick. Well, wait a minute.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, there's bisexuality. They have to put it on there. There's bisexuality on there.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Yeah, butthole. Men and women. You know what I mean? So you have different varieties of chocolate.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, no, we went to the spa. Oh, yeah. So we're in the spa and we're in the steam room and he looked at my penis and he goes, and he kind of almost died laughing. Why? He goes, it's so cute. And he started laughing.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, he didn't say it was small. Oh, he just liked it. My dick is cute. Minion. Minion. You've seen it. I have? It's the best, dude. If it were to make a noise, that's the noise. What does it do when it sees a woman? Oh.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Like that. Like that. Like that. Like that, dude. And it's like, he's so happy. And I can get hard now just talking to people on the phone. No. It's a miracle. Me? Do you ever do that?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, no, no, no, no. I know it's you, dude. I'm going to do it.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
But if there was like a Hollywood president of Jews, Adam would be it. Sandler's the best. Yeah, he's the best.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
Remember I was with that sexy lady and we walked by. I told you that.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And Sandler was there with his mom. And he looked at my girl and goes, funny guy. And that's, you know what he's doing? Yeah. A lot. And that's something.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
And I don't even have to say it because you know what I'm saying.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You've never given me an alley-oop, Carlos. Bro, he's not even in the game. I know, that's why. He's got to learn how to play the game first. Yeah, get on the team. Get on the team and then maybe you can throw me an alley-oop.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
You know him? Yeah, why do you know him? Yeah, I don't know if we can... Yeah, yeah, that's what it is.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, I was with Ian Fidance at... Fred 62's. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's still open? Yeah, they closed at 1.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
They did, yeah. But it's a cute little, it's so many hips as well.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
No, I haven't seen that open. It is? But Fred 62's is all these like, oh. Oh, dude. Hash brown. What do you mean?
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
It's still like cool though. No, it's not. It hasn't been cool in a decade. Yeah, tattooed Mexicans. You love them.
Bad Friends
In the Presence of a Movie Star
I know, exactly. That's why you like to go there. I won't leave home without them. They're my American Express. Right, but I haven't been to fucking French 62s in like years. I'm a Norm's, Mel's kind of a guy. Mel sucks. I know, but that's what, and look at that.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
You piece of shit. You doghole human. What did I do? Fuck, fuck. What did I do? What did I do? I'm a couple hours away. I think I'm going to be late to this thing. And you texted me, you have to be there by 6.30. No. Yeah, you did. I get the text right here. You called me. And you said I had to be there. There's a surprise party. But what I'm saying is that, so I get there at 5.50.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
No, I give money. So you didn't even vote. You didn't either. Yes, I did. There's no way. Where's your sticker? Where's my sticker? I don't wear the sticker. I'm not a cuck. Yeah, well, I did too then. No, I know you didn't. Yes, I did. When? Where? At Beachwood Canyon. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. When? What time? 2 p.m. 2 p.m.? Yeah. Give me your phone. Give me your phone.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I wait 40 minutes, there's no one there. I'm at Bert's house. I'm just there with his wife. It's you and your brother. And my brother and Leanne Kreischer. What a nice moment. Right, but now Bert's coming at 6.30 and now I'm the only one there saying, surprise. So I hear Bert come in the house and there's like 20 people supposed to be there, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
He comes around the corner and my brother, Bert's never met Steve before. And I have like a little cigar case that I bought him. And we go, surprise! Right? And he laughed so hard because that was like the most unglorious surprise. What a comedy moment. Right. What a funny moment. Because you're the last person I ever thought that you would be here. And then you trickle it at 6.50.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Er sieht mehr und mehr aus wie der alte Mann von Up. Schau dir das Foto an, Alter.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I cannot believe today. You don't have the core strength. You don't have nothing. What? You have nothing either, dude. You gotta come with better than that. No, I'm not. I don't need to. I can come with whatever. You see his energy today, Rudy? It's wild.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I went into a cigar store. Okay, kann ich etwas über Eric Griffin sagen? Dieser verdammte Arschloch geht zwei Stunden weg. Ja, er lebt in... Also dann sagt er, hey, komm zu meinem Haus und mach einen Pod. Mein 300. Nicht wissend, und dann schaue ich auf die Karte. Zwei Stunden weg. Zwei Stunden weg. Ja. Ich bin weg, es ist past Magic Mountain. There's even anything up there?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
You know, I have proof. I live with people that don't think. No, you don't. Yeah, I have my housekeeper. Why would you lie? She goes, where are you going? Did you vote? Yes, I did.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I thought that's where it ended. Edge of the earth. Yeah, yeah. Like I'm a flat earther. I thought that's where it ended. You know, past six flags or ain't nothing past six flags. So I got way out there and I'm like, oh my, I was so resentful. Because it's like... That's a far drive. If it was like Conan O'Brien... He would never live that far. Yeah, but he's not living out there.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yes. Absolutely. I'd drive wherever the fuck that guy was. San Francisco I'd drive. I'd walk. Eric Griffin, it's like... That's a 20-minute drive. Send a car. Yeah, that's the most I'll go. He should have sent a car. 15, 20 minutes. You know what I mean? Right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
The last year, I've been secretly working on a movie. That's great. If you, there's a part in there.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Mr. Fucking, you know what I mean? Assumptions over here. There's a smart part. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Well, we go through beats of the movie. Okay, I like that. Yeah, yeah. I like that. His name is Mike McGrail. I love it. And then, so what's the premise of the film? Ja, es ist ein echterer Ort. Und generell sind die drei, die da sind, nicht die besten Grenzen. Es gibt nichts zu tun. Ja. Also es gibt wie Pranks zwischen den, weißt du, ich meine, den kanadischen Grenzen und das und das.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
In der Zwischenzeit kommt eine echte Bedrohung. Gute Idee. Richtig. Und wir sind ein Bunch of bumbling kind of
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Wenn es die andere Art war, wenn ich... Okay, also ich weiß, dass Spade und Theo einen Film haben, richtig? Richtig. Und sie könnten mir eine kleine Teil davon bieten. Richtig. Ich werde es machen.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
You wouldn't do it if I did this thing. It's a funny, really scene-stealing kind of part, though. It's not like some throwaway thing. It's like you're going to steal the movie with it. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's super funny. There's violence in it. You make me so mad. I'm going to go to the theater and I'm going to go, man, I wish I was in this. I'm asking you for a favor, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I know. For the rest of my life. After this. Alright. Yeah, I'm on bad friends right now and I think I lost. Get that money out and get it ready, buddy. I know, dude. I admit, I was wrong and I lost and I'm going to give you the 500. What? He was wrong, man! I love Amir. 500, dude. Amir, you said it was 1,000. It was $500, Amir.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I'm going to Australia tomorrow. When I get back, I'll get the 500. I love you, buddy. He's so funny, by the way. Now I feel better.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
It's one week. Once a week. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm gurgling. You're gurgling. Yeah, but I need to do it because I don't know what else to do.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ja. Das wäre mein Traum-Cast. Das ist dein Traum-Cast? Ja. Oh. Sie sind nicht daran verbunden. Ich möchte... Für das möchte ich ihn, ich möchte ihn und dann... Was ist so lustig? Was ist so lustig? Lass mich dir etwas über deinen Traum-Cast erzählen. Mit dem Zombie-Film. Ich wusste, das kommt. Ja, ja, ja. Ich weiß nicht, wer diese anderen Leute sind, aber ich weiß, wer nicht dabei ist. Wir zwei.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Und jetzt, ich verspreche Gott, auf meine Mutter's Life. Oh, das ist richtig. Auf meine Mutter's Life. Ich werde es nie machen. Du hast mich gerade verpisscht. Du hast mich gerade verpisscht, Alter. Das ist, was du bekommst. Du Scheiß, Alter. Das ist, was du bekommst. Ich bin froh, dass du nicht... Ich brauche einen Break von dir, Alter. Ich bin froh, dass du nicht in Australien gehst. Oh, Scheiße.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ja. Willst du ihm sagen? Was? Er geht? Er und seine Frau und das Baby kommen. Wie?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Aber ihr helft uns. Wir werden dich in diesem Land behalten, so lange es dauert. Lass mich dir etwas sagen. Wenn Trump gesagt hätte, ich will alle rausnehmen. Glaubst du, dass du und ich die Situation herausfinden können?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ja. Mehr Details. I remember. Sharkies. Oh, yeah, yeah. Those cowboys and stuff there, you said?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
No, no, no. Are you being fucking real right now, dude? Okay. I am so livid. Oh my God. First of all. Don't get me started, dude. What's going on? You shouldn't have to apologize.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
So wait, they said they called us party, clearly. So they called you and said, we can't believe it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah, but you're assuming that the ghost is attached to that. So I want to know how you know that they saw it. Because they must have said something. Somebody.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Also, ähm... Ladies, okay. Jules is probably one of the best human beings I've ever met in my whole entire life. Fact. She's a daughter to me. I love her like I have my own flesh and blood. I really believe that. Yeah, me too. I feel that, okay? And there's not a bad bone in her body.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
In fact, some of this podcasting, Mumbo Jumbo, we're forcing her to do it, really, to be honest with you, because she's so good. She's just perfect for the show. She's brilliant. Because she's innocent, right? There are just certain dynamics that work well with us. You know, her personality. And so we bring her on here. You know what I mean? She's game, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
A lot of times she's just kind of going along with what we're saying. She's just having fun. She's having fun. But is she? Sometimes she's not.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
But at the end of the day... Weißt du, wenn du das persönlich nimmst, komm schon. Gehst du weiter? Ja. Du wirst sterben. The world is a scary place. I'm just saying. No, we're not going to kill you. Yeah, we're not going to kill you. I'm just saying life is going to just come down on you and press you into the dirt. Yes.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah, okay. Anyway, I tried. Don't Google how you get one. Do we have to go through the process?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Say it. A little weak. Weak. A little weak. A little weak. Tender. Soft. Tender, soft. Pliable. Pliable, yeah, yeah. Malleable. Malleable, yeah, malleable. I like that word.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Also Jules ist eine tolle Frau. Und wenn es... Weißt du, am Ende des Tages, ich glaube das ehrlich, es ist so dein Verlust. Das ist dein Verlust, wenn du nicht Freunde bist. Wirklich? Weil das ist eine steigende Person. Das ist ein toller Mensch. Ja, er wächst. Du weißt, wer sie ist, Alter. Weißt du, wer sie ist? Haben wir schon Logan gesehen? Logan Paul? Nein, nicht Logan Paul. Der Film Logan.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ja. Erinnerst du dich an die kleine Mädchen? Oh, ja. Mit den zwei Klauen? Ja. Sie ist aus Spanien.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Das hier ist Rudi. Das ist Rudi. Weil sie Knife liebt, richtig? Und so, hey, Party-Girls, würdest du das nicht verletzen? Ich würde das nicht verletzen. Ich würde das nicht verletzen. Ich würde das nicht verletzen. Richtig. Siehst du das Körper da?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Und sie hat ihn zerstört. Richtig? Also, wenn du sie nicht zurückrufst, You're gonna have war with us. That's right, you don't want that. You don't want that. That's bad. You call her back, you invite her back to Moose McGillicuddies or wherever you guys go.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah, yeah, or whatever, right? Or Sharky's Pizza or Woodfire Mexican Food, whatever it is. Yeah, Pitfire. Pitfire, right, right? And you go out and hang out with these fucking... Have fun. Have fun. And just know that you're party girls. Know that you are party girls. You know what? I'm gonna double down on it. You are party girls.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
We did a full fucking tweet. We came right back to where we started. We don't care. You know what? I'm good. No, you know what? I'm gonna go this way. Stop. Stop. Good. Don't ever talk to them again. I'm not. Don't ever talk to them again. I just thought about it. It's fucking uncalled for. You deserve cool friends that don't care about two idiots saying something dumb.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
But I see people that I don't see. You're still listening to this, right? This is true. This is true, dude. He did it yesterday. Yeah, I do it all the time. If there's somebody at a party I don't like. Yeah, you don't see them. I see them, but I don't. I didn't know you were there. Yeah, I see right through them. I didn't even see you at the party. See right through them. Yeah. Okay.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
They're nothing. That's great. Yeah. You're in a movie, okay? You know, I'll tell you something right now. There's a movie called Commando. Love. Erinnerst du dich an Commando? Ja. Wer ist in Commando? Carlos? Macon weiß es nicht. Macon, kennst du ihn?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Wer ist in Commando? Arnold. Arnold. Arnold Durell ist in Commando, richtig? Es gibt eine Szene in Commando, die ich in ein paar Millionen anderen Filmen benutzen könnte.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ich weiß nicht, warum ich Commando benutze. Es kam mir einfach vor. Ja. Ich erinnere mich nur daran, Commando als Kind zu sehen. Und es gab ein paar Leute, die im Hintergrund explodierten. Liebe. Richtig? Und ich dachte immer zu mir selbst, oh, dieser Schauspieler hat nicht viel zu tun. Ja, ja. So that was Commando. It's Mr. Steel, your girl.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
But if you see that, right, there's a million people that die in back of him. They explode, they get shot up and whatever, right? A lot of times it's like that. Be Commando. Be Commando. Right. Shoot him up. Shoot him up, dude. Well, don't literally, but metaphorically shoot him up. Be that guy. Okay. And with the little Logan girl. Like a combo deal.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Commando Logan. Dude, you're Commando Logan, dude. You're Commando Logan. In fact, when you turn Saturday, that's your new name. Commando Logan. Yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
What is it? That's ours. Thank you. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. It's British. Yeah, it's British. I know, you're right. That's alright. Yeah. So, I have a crush. You have a little new crush? It's gay. And that's okay.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Es ist nicht gay. Wie ist, wie ist es nicht? Weil ich, ich habe mit ihnen gesprochen. Ich bin mit ihnen gebowlt. Richtig, also bist du gay. Nein, er hat mir gezeigt, wie man bowlen kann. I've heard that before. What? A guy? No, honestly, he really did. He's like, dude, the underhand, because you know how I bowl and I go underhand? Yeah, you flip it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
He goes, he grabbed my hand like this, and he goes, grip it like this, right? Keep your eye on the... That's a date. No, it's not a date, dude. He showed you how to bowl? Yeah, and he goes, and then he goes, just, it's not about strength, I want more accuracy. This sounds so gay. And I just looked at his face and he smiled. That guy right there.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Bobby. War das nicht ein guter Gest? Genau. Und du hast mich so gehalten, wie du es früher gemacht hast.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
It was me, Charles Milton and Ali Wong on one team. And then Gene, Sonny, you know what I mean, from Beef and some other people on the other team. And Charles Milton taught me how to fucking bowl. And you got a little crush. I'm not gay. You said crush to start the whole thing. But can I be honest with you? Mm-hmm. Ask me if you think I'm handsome. You couldn't even get it out.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ich habe gesagt, oh, hier ist, you know, he doesn't, you know, Mr. Whatever you already said. What did he say? I don't remember, but I agree. I'm so emotional, I can't even speak. Get it out. All right. So enough of that kind of behavior. All right.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
It's not a butterfly. Here's what I got excited about. Can I tell you how I got excited? It sounds like butterflies, doesn't it? You don't know what butterflies are then. Du auch. Ja, ich glaube, ich weiß.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah, a ton of crush. It's a man crush. So I was at the bowling alley and he comes, he has a motorcycle, right? So he has a helmet, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
He has like one of those Wolverine leather jackets, right? And he looks greasy. Yeah. And he just came out, took the helmet off and I looked and I couldn't recognize him already, right? But I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I said, don't, don't make the first move. Don't, don't, don't. Ich wollte nur cool sein, weißt du was ich meine? Du klingelst wie ein Mädchen auf einem Dating.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Nein, nein, nein. Ich sah ihn. Ich war direkt neben dem Rack des Balls. Also habe ich meine Finger in die Hose gesteckt, um zu sehen, was das ist. Glaubst du, das ist eine Sache? Nein, aber ich versuche, die richtige Hose zu finden.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Und dann kommt er direkt zu mir und sagt, ich bin ein großer Fan von dir. Und ich sage, willst du einen Kuchen? Er sagt, essen wir zuerst. Also haben wir zuerst gegessen. Also hattest du ein Date? Du hattest ein Abenddaten. Nein, weil Gene war da auch. Der, mit dem wir vorhin gesprochen haben. Gene war mit dir zu essen? Ja, ich, Gene und Charles. Und wir haben gegessen.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Did you want it to be? No. You see, this is the kind of bullshit I'm talking about.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
No, no, this is so stupid, what you're doing right now. Dude, I'm not gay. It's ridiculous. It's okay. That doesn't work, whatever you're doing. It doesn't matter. No one cares. Anyway, you don't have man crushes? Let me say something right now. I saw you at the party last night, dude. I think you do.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I'm gonna say my problem now. I wanted to hear my problem. Say it, baby. It's so funny, because that bowling party and Bert's party, there was one common thread. And guess what the common thread is? There was something there at both parties. And I think you know what it is. Oh yeah. What is it? People that don't deserve to be there. No, no, no.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I'm kidding. Something you consume. Weed. No. Alcohol. It's a food. Oh, cake. Whose cake? Tom Cruise. Yes.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
So, there's a cake. Coconut. It's a coconut cake that Tom Cruise in all the parties, he gives it as gifts, apparently, and when he goes to events, like weddings and whatnot, he brings this cake, and apparently it's legendary. Tom Cruise Cake. It's called Tom Cruise Coconut Cake, okay?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
So, when I went to that beef party, where I saw Charles, there were six Tom Cruise Cakes, and they made an announcement. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. Tom Cruise Cake. They bring that out, right? And I ate it, I'm like... Ja, das ist gut. Aber dann bringt es Bert raus. Hey, Leute, ihr könnt es nicht glauben. Als ob es von Tom Cruise's Arschloch war. Ja.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ich meine, das ist der fucking, du weißt was ich meine, der Ofen. Er puft weiß. Ja, ja, ja. Du weißt das, oder? Es war fast so, und sie sind so, wir haben es. Es ist schwer zu finden. Richtig. Also habe ich in der Linie gewartet, wie jeder. Ja, du hast es gemacht. Ich war begeistert. Du warst sehr begeistert. Ja, ja. Gott, ich werde den Tom Cruise-Kick wieder, weißt du was ich meine?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Das war so gut. Das war so gut. Aber das Tom Cruise Cake ist gut. Aber wenn du es isst, bist du so, wenn ich nicht wusste, dass das Tom Cruises Cake war, würde ich sagen, oh, das beste Coconut Cake, das ich je hatte. Nein. Ich glaube nicht.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ja. Was, wenn sie alle haben? Da ist ein Matt Damon Danish. Ooh, a Damon Danish? Right, like a Damon Danish. Or do you think everyone has one thing? Yeah, I would. I would love to have a Bobby Lee, uh, um, flan. Ooh. Like at a party, people are like, we got it, Bobby Lee flan. Es wäre wahrscheinlich etwas anderes. Was meinst du? Flan ist typisch Mexikaner.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ja, aber das ist das, was es interessiert. Ein koreanischer Junge, weißt du was ich meine? Also, der Tom Cruise-Kuchen ist nicht etwas, das er gemacht hat. Er hat es gefunden. Der Baker. Und er war so, oh, das ist mein Ding. Du denkst, das ist gut. Warte, bis du probierst. Bobby Lee's Flan. Sie haben einen Karottenkuchen da. Das ist mein.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Mocone, do you like this one? I think it's sick. I think it's sick, too. And Mocone would know more. Yeah, dude. Mocone would know more. Yeah, come over here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at what this fucking loser's wearing. Okay. Look. Yeah. He's wearing an Adolf Hitler shirt. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Letzte Nacht, als ich es gegessen habe, war es besser als der Kokosnusskuchen.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Das ist... Ich würde sagen, es ist Bobby Lee's Carrot Cake. Ich bin orange. Oh, fuck. Das wäre klar mein Cake. Oh, ja? Vielleicht haben sie einen 11-Pound-Cake. Das könnte Bobby Lee sein.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
That's actually really good. We got Rudy Jules' brownie and they're like, Rudy who? No, they won't do that. I love you. Yeah, you gotta take a bite. Take that, that was mean. Take a bite of the Rudy Jules. That could be you right there.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Now, would you eat the cake if it was something that you didn't like? If it was good. Yeah, I mean like, this is JD Vance, you know, Croissant. If it was bomb.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Oh, he is? Come on, sit down, Dax. How are you? Hallo, Dax. Dax, hallo. Hi. Hi. Hello. Dax, how did you feel last Tuesday?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
You did such a great job. You did a great job. Did you feel like you did well?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Anyway, we're filming this podcast election night. We film this on election night. Right now, when you're listening to this, this is election night.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Before you play that, did you vote? Yes. Okay. What's your prediction?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
A tanned... Yeah, you voted? Alright, great. Get out of here. Get out of here, kid. Fast as you can. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
When this comes out, it already happened. Okay. We're in the future now, right? Trump won. Oh, okay.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
We do. It is home to us. Did you get some Vags that night? No. Was that a yes?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah. I'll tell you another thing. If you ever pull your pants down in front of me and Jules and you do a ramen fart, I swear to God, dude, you have another thing coming.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ich meine, hier ist die Sache. Ich denke, vielleicht wäre es großartig, wenn du ihr gesagt hättest, was du sagen würdest. Und dann könnte sie es sagen.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Why don't you pretend like you're rude? You're her. And then maybe she can just get something from the way you just rehearse it or something. Why don't you look in the camera? Look in this camera and go, dear friends or whatever.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Or I could teach you a new language. Or I could teach you a new language that you want to know that I know.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
How about that? You know what? It's so funny. What am I gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? I'm gonna do something that's not non-violent. Okay. Okay, so is that what you're pertaining to?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Zu viel? Ja. Kann ich mich ausdrücken? Ja. Und dann... Hast du? Ja.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
No. Alright. So anyway. You see a couple girls. No, what I would do is I'd hide you off the trail.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I'm not done, dude. I know. I go up to a girl and go, oh my god, my baby just got attacked by a fucking mountain lion. Carlos, right? Smart. And they're like, well, yeah, the mountain lion is gone, but can you help? Where's the baby? Come over here. They follow me, right? And then you're on the ground, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah, but then once you say that, I'm gone. Now it's just you and the kid. Now it's you and me. What happened to you, baby boy?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Okay? And I'll corkscrew your fucking mind into a different dimension. You are mind-boggling. Alright. There's a lot of... I have people that I call, dude. Whom?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah, maybe like, um... Maybe not talk so much. I always say yes. Anytime a girl goes, can I give you fellatio?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
What would they say then? Can I suck your cock? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I give you head? Yeah, but just don't deny it. Just go yes immediately. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
And if somebody asks you, does it feel good, what do you say? Yes. No, maybe not. Thumbs up maybe. How about this? Say, oh yeah. Oh yeah, say that.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Pack den Kopf. Oh, ja. Ich bin interessiert zu sehen, ich meine. Ich liebe dich, Dax. Ja, ja. Ist Dax, macht Dax einen Geräusch, denkst du? Was? Fuckgeräusche? Nein, wie ein Kammgeräusch. Dann frag ihn. Machst du Kammgeräusche? I don't know. You don't know? Yeah. Bob does. Tell him. Your noise.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I'm being intimate right now. I'm being real. You're laughing at my soul. You're cackling at me. So just look at me. So you're doing it again, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ja, ja. Das ist das, was wir meinen. Okay. Ja, es ist wie ein Windel-Less-Van. Ein Windel-Less-Van.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah. Oh, the black one. What do you like? Long black limo or long white limo? Or we can do like a penguin thing where it's like purple. We'll be great if we dress you like the penguin. Like the cartoon version with the top hat, black tuxedo. You mean Cobblepot. Cobblepot, purple, right? We could be minions. Love to. I'd love to do a minion thing.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah. Will we open the door for you and your date? You know what I mean? I could be Harley Quinn, I don't know. Yeah, who do you think? Poison Ivy? Poison Ivy, yeah. You, I think... I'll be Catwoman. Sandman. Sandman, yeah. Sandman, that's not even the thing. Doesn't matter. No, I need to know. I'll be the Riddler.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
You know what? I could stop for a second. I'm so sorry. I love your jokes, right? But I think a better exercise is to just come up with something improvised. Okay. Can I hear the premise?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Perfect. Or something arbitrary. I think it's something arbitrary and weird. Because he's a weird guy, right? So it's like, enjoy your meal, they say. And you go, Aliyub, GoPro. Aliyub, GoPro, all the way. All the way. Aliyub, GoPro, all the way. So try that.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Do it again with the beep-beep. Again, thank you. Try to do the best English accent you can.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Yeah, it doesn't sound right. It doesn't sound right because I think you're rushing the punchline.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Dieser Typ kauft eine Silke-Klubbe für jeden seiner fucking Golf-Klubs. Das ist nicht wahr. 89,95 Euro für jeden Silke-Klub. Er hat 15 Golf-Klubs. Nicht wahr. Weil sie müssen spotless sein. Und es muss das fucking... Geh in die Golf-Klubs jetzt und sieh, wie sie alle... Das sind deine secondary Klubs. Das sind deine secondary Klubs, die du im Büro behältst. Du hast eine zu Hause.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Oh no! You know man, they should go back to wherever they came from. That's way too much money. Where should they go back to? I thought you wanted to improv. Now you're doing it.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Well, what do you... I'm not gonna... Go back to where they came from? I don't know what bit you want me to do, dude. Oh, funny one. Say it again then.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Where? Let me guess. Let me guess. Because I've had a problem with these people too. Where? Does it start with a J?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Ja. Das ist das, was ich sage. Ja, du bist nicht schrecklich. Ich habe Angst vor Frieden. Hm. Weißt du, was ich meine? Nein. Ja, ja. Firm, aber lecker. Immer lecker. Ja, es ist ein Kombi. Sieh, ich mache Kombi-Expressionen. Was die Leute nicht verstehen über mich. Ja, du bist wie ein Kombi. Ja, ja. Füllt mit Scheiße. Ja, ja. Rage, aber Empathie. Ein bisschen Empathie unterhalb, richtig?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Freude, aber mit ein bisschen Resentiment. Es ist eine Kombination, die ich da rausgegeben habe, weil ich menschlich bin. Und ich bin ein komplexes Mensch, dynamisch in vielen Wegen. Also, ich bin sorry, dass du so viel auf das Essen verwendest. Danke. Ich werde dir nichts mehr erzählen. Du bist wie ein kleines Baby. Du leitest das Show. Oh, come on, dude. Can I just say something?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
No, leave the show tonight. I'll tell you something. I'm gonna let you lead the show. You ready? So this fucking guy, Amir K., is in the green room at the comedy. I'll tell you where I'm at right now.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
What happened with the Osempic? I'm on the Osempic. Oh, dude. Dude. Don't. I'm trying to have a show tonight. I know, dude. What are you doing, dude? I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna... You wanna get... Give him the cookie. What's this? No, stop, stop, stop. Give me the other one. No, what's this? You want half of this, Rudy? Yeah. Okay. Very good. I don't want this. Yeah, yeah. Come here, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Danke so viel. Ich war in Joshua Tree. Ja, einfach wie in einem Wälder, wie ein Wälder, Wälder, Wälder, Wälder, Wälder, Wälder, Wälder. I can't even say desert rabbit, dude. I can't even say desert rabbit right now, dude. Say it again. Give me the line again. I was in the desert rabbit. Oh, you were in the desert rabbit. I remember, do you remember? You were there. Let's be real.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I'll start anew. I'll start anew. Okay. So, a week ago, I'm in the green room at the Comedy Store. I'm just sitting there with, I want to say his name. Should I say it? Warum kannst du das nicht sagen? Er ist mein guter Freund.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Er hat angefangen, ein bisschen Politik zu spüren. Wenn es um Fisch geht, werde ich zu ihm hören. Was ist so lustig? Er liebt Fisch.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I mean, for sure he can't come to Australia. You're not coming. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Unpack your shit when you get home.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Okay, also dieses Bad Friends, nur um dir ein bisschen Bildung zu geben, ist ein TV-Show. Wir machen TV-Show-Nummern. Das ist richtig. Okay. Also, wenn ein PA, sagen wir mal, ein Showrunner...
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Let's say there's a showrunner and a PA or somebody on set that does props, right? Talks back in a negative way to the showrunner. The showrunner doesn't even know that dude's name. He gets fired on the spot. He's like, who's that? Who's that guy? What we did was we went, oh, let's memorize the prop guy's name. Right, we let him in. Let's exchange number with the fucking lighting guy. Right?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
And all of a sudden the lighting guy's like, oh, I'm Equal to the showrunner. He's actually an assistant's assistant. Assistant's assistant's assistant. He's assistant's assistant's assistant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Right, and he thinks you're a peer and you're not. Right? And what you're gonna realize, my little friend, okay, is that when you're out in the world without us, You're gonna drown. You're gonna drown, pal. Right? You're gonna drown and you're gonna drown forever.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
But you're doing the thing too. Like, oh, yeah, you try to make me drown. That's what that laugh was.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
I remember Julio was on the couch with his arm on the couch watching me. Yeah, I remember.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Und er hat eine Person, die er sieht, die aus einem anderen Südwesten ist, die bestimmte Glauben hat. Aber ich habe nicht mit ihnen gegessen. Das ist in Ordnung. In Ordnung. Aber er hat angefangen, aufzuhören. Oh, sicher. Es wurde wirklich politisch. Es wird Trump sein. Und ich bin nicht in der Mitte. Ich war so. Can I ask you something? What's going on with this show?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Andrew, can I ask you something? Please. Is it me? No. What I'm seeing and I'm sensing, is it me? No. So I'm not going insane?
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Oh mein Gott, ich bin hier mit so viel Namaste-Energie. Ich bin hier wie Steven Seagal.
Bad Friends
Bobby's Bowling Date
Und was du machst, Alter, ist, dass du mich gaslightest. Du machst mich nervös, Bobby. Warte, warum? Du auch jetzt? Ja. Wie? Deine Energie. Wow. Was ist los? Wow.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Slovakian. Slovakian. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Just the eyebrows. And then what about Cookie Monster?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Yeah. Armenian for sure. He drives a white Mercedes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about Grover down in the left-hand corner?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
What is... Well, no, what's his race? Race, I mean, yeah. What is Grover's race, we think? I would imagine... Spanish. Fancy.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Go back to the original picture. Yeah. This is the most interesting one that I want your advice on because I know you're intelligent and the way that you operate is so astute. You can always call it out. I want to see the picture of the crew.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Who is? Well, he's not even in this. I was going to say, Big Bird. What is Big Bird? Big Bird? What is Big Bird? Big Bird's a bird. No, dude. What race is Big Bird? I think he might be black. Or is it a guy, Big Bird? Yeah, yeah. Who knows, right? They kind of keep it... Okay, oh, what about... Grover. We did Grover.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Oh, oh, the dog is... What is his name, dude? Yeah, right there. Ralph.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Oh, look at this. This is great news. Sesame Street welcomes TJ, the first Filipino-American Muppet. Finally. Finally, dude. Dude, finally. Finally, dude. Yeah. What do the comments say? Anything rude?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Elmo Chinese? Am I Chinese? Who me? I'm Chinese. I'm Chinese. Yeah, look, I can tell you what everybody is just based on it. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Ernie is 100% he's Puerto Rican. Ernie is obviously Puerto Rican. Oh, yeah, Ernie. He's Puerto Rican.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
That poor guy. He thinks I have an accent. Well, he does. He thinks I do. That's how I always talk to him. Where is he from? China. Oh, he's off the boat. Yeah, he's off the boat, yeah. Was he on the show? He thinks I'm from off the boat too.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
He comes over, yeah. Yeah, he comes over. I'm in the presence of a movie star. I'm in the presence of a superstar. Why do you keep singing this? Because I did two lines in Theo Vaughn's movie. I'm in the presence of a movie star. Yeah? Dude. Dude. Who'd you work for? Morgan Freeman this week. Morgan Freeman. Right? He does. I do one Theo Vaughn. I'm movie star.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
What Morgan Freeman are you talking about? The fucking eyes, the blood, the magic movie you did in fucking Hungary.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
You know what I look like there? Sicario. Sicario. A hit man. You do. Yeah.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
Let's stop for a second. Push pause. Let me get the information right.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
That's all I know. A man. No. So a man hired a hitman to kill his wife. Apparently a group, right?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
No. And let me ask you something before we get into this. And they framed it as a robbery. How much money would you spend? What? To kill your wife. How much money would I spend? Yeah. I wonder how much. Well, I don't want.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
You throw out things that don't make no sense, so I throw out things that don't make no sense to you.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out Today on Patreon
Movie star. I'm a little movie star, but this guy's a superstar, Brat. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Andrew Santino. They're in the same level. George Clooney.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
I will take one little bite of a stash. Do you guys want some of this? Oh my god. Is it soft?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
No, sometimes he does this Let me tell you something I don't like that it's got cream in it.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
So wait a minute, there's a big fat dude on the floor? Right. Oh, you are coming. Well, thanks for showing up.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Dude, I had a guy had a stroke in Nashville in the balcony at Zany's.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Well, there was like a big commotion. And then I was like, what's going on? And then they were like, it's a medical emergency. And I was like, I know. My thought was dead. Somebody died.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
You know, because that happened. That's happened at almost every show I've done.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
No. Yeah. Carlos. Carlos, what the? That's not funny. Carlos, man.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
I couldn't do it. So close. I'm so tired. No, you got it.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Let me tell you something. You texted me today and you said, are you mad at me? Never.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Well, as soon as, here's what really happened. Tell me the science behind it. As soon as she left this show and you and Kalilah broke up and she started to get away from our show.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
That's when she was like, I don't need to talk to Tito Angelo ever again.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
And that's okay. Did I show you nothing but love for four years?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Rudy Giuliani is back in the studio. He's back in the studio. Are you happy to be back?
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Who of the people here are you happiest to see? Let's go in order. Happiest to least happy to see. Go ahead.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Love that. And Bobby's separate. You're separate. It doesn't count because she sees you all the time. She sees you all the time.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
You piss, you squat on his chest.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Right, very bright. That is a bright star.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
Do you miss me? I miss you, but you're going over to Tiger Bell. You're doing that all the time and you're really breaking my heart a little bit.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
We gave you your start. Nothing. She dropped us, dude. Well, you know what we are? We are the guy that she dated before she got famous. Exactly. And she drops us. No, she got famous. You know, the first guy that you date.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
And you know what? I've never been mad at you.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
I disagree with the first part.
Bad Friends
Korean Joker, Rudy and David Blunts Are Out on Patreon Today
How are you dissecting earthworms? Those are so small. You're using the tiniest little knife?
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
I know. You did your time. But his Asian wife, 65, right? And dog died. And two dogs survived. Who were the survivors? Let me see the survivor dogs. Yeah, survivor dogs, man. Yeah, yeah. There they are. There's some of the dogs. Those are German Shepherds. German Shepherds.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
They were very good in the Holocaust. They were good, dude. And their work is not credited. Right? It was not credited. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also the dogs in the Deep South, they don't really get credited for chasing things down. Yeah, they were quick. They really chased things down quickly.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Exactly. Skinny ankles. How do you think they got that? Through evolution. My point is this.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
It was the same day because Gene had been dead a day when they found him.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Now, when I say the name, when I say the name, I love this person.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Yeah, and I don't want it to happen to this person. Right. Right? It's not a wish. What? It's not a wish. It's not a wish, no. It's not a wish? It's a prediction. If it's not a wish, I need to change my answer then.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
You guys, I would not be standing here right now or sitting here without it. My body does not move without energy shots. You know what I mean? Because I'm a sloth. Right. And I don't move to the rhythms of the universe.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
Oh, you had a wish? Well, I had a- I know who's yours are going to be. Yeah, I had a couple of wishes. Yeah, yeah. I don't want it to happen to this person. How famous is yours? Pretty famous. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Mine had some Netflix specials. Ah. Yeah. I hope we're on the same page here. I think we're on the exact same page. Yeah.
Bad Friends
New Episode Out on Patreon Today
I love these shots, man. Sometimes I'm super tired and I've got to perform in front of thousands and thousands and thousands of people. I get a shot of energy.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
Hello. Hello. Hello, mate. My. Binge on toast. We're coming to London, England, and Dublin, Ireland. Right. London, England, Dublin, Ireland.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
It was $9. Yeah. So, Benny, the reason why, because a girl told me I was fat, and she was not attracted to me when we were making out, and I had to lose the weight.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
Okay. And you're a musician, so I'm just trying to be cool, dude.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
I know what Benny's saying. What are you saying, like a lav mic or something? Or like maybe a mic here? Yeah, maybe just something simple. Benny, what's it like having a super famous fiance? Very good question. Can you go to, wait, wait, wait, can you go to a mall? Can you go to the Beverly Center with her? No. You never, try. No, like. Let's try. Well, you don't go to the bathroom.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
I do. I have powers too, dude. Okay. Okay. I don't have Selena Gomez power, but I buy my own power, dude.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.
Bad Friends
New Episode on Patreon Today
No, dude. Put it on. A part of him. No, I think it looks exactly.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
And that felt... Andrew Santino's bigger than Austin Butler. That's right. I'll say it.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Or Pep Boys, if they had an award. Yeah. They stopped doing it. Yeah, yeah.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah, yeah, something like that. I hosted the Asian Excellence Awards twice.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Where does the Asian excellence awards happen? Hey, man. Fuck you, man. Mr. Chow's.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
No, no, stop. It's Cannes. It was at the Wiltern. Is that good enough? Well, that's good. Okay, can I also say something else, dude? Yes. You think it was just a bunch of Asians? Yeah. Yes. No. No? Tarantino did a thing? That's cool. He's Asian. Yeah, Danny DeVito did a thing? They're all Asian. These guys are all Asian. He's small like an Asian, right? Yeah, yeah. Ralph Macchio was there?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Will you Google a photo of me at the Asian Excellence Awards, please? Please Google a photo of him.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Anyway, it's hard to do. Awards just seem tough. Also, it wasn't televised and no one really was there.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
What are you supposed to be saying? What are you trying to say? Were you reading cue cards? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's wild.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
No, a special. Yeah, this wasn't a special. I'm just saying. This was not a special.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
He beat it. He beat it. I knew when he had it. I texted him. I was so concerned. Once you have it, you got it. He got rid of it. Who? Eddie Pepitone. Really? Yeah. Like two weeks ago, I saw him at a party and he goes, I was meaning to tell you, but I couldn't tell you, but I got it out. I go, what? He goes, I had colon cancer. Wow.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
I don't know if I should even say that out loud because it's kind of private.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
He won. He won. Oh, he won, yeah. And we all love Eddie. We love him. He's the best.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah, I love him so much, yeah. But, you know, it's so sad. I mean, you know, we should be more mindful and more grateful that we're around each other and alive. Yes.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
They actually blamed the wall. The wall, yeah. The wall caused it.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
No, it was the wall. If that wall wasn't there, it wouldn't explode it.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
This was lunch. You're not going to eat me. Yeah. Shibu Inu crashes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this dog had nine family members on that flight that died. And now he's just sitting there at the airport going, where is everybody? It's terrible. Bobby.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
You know? And then what is it? You're allowed to eat him now, maybe. I don't know. Yeah, you can. Well, it is actually. It's so super sad.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Of course. You know what I mean? Of course. Maybe someone that had a frog. Oh, my God. This is very... That's an Asian frog.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Mostly for Pudding. I'm going to speak in Korean if I may. Please. I would love that. I'm going to speak in Korean. Okay? School. God. Chili. Brother. Aborigine.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Literally 108. Bro, her work ethic, dude. It's stupid. Yeah. She's got Asian work ethic. She has tiger mom work ethic. She really does. I'm going to take these. And she would do like three or four sets a night.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
That's the most racist thing. No, Bobby, it's not because I don't know. I've never heard in my fucking life. Bobby, I don't know. What are you talking about, bro? I don't know how they mourn.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
I'm like, how do you do it? They would do a funny dance or something? What are you talking about?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
No, leave it. That was so dumb. Leave that in. Yeah, yeah, I'm not putting that in.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Bobby, I'm not. We have tear ducts. I'm not saying. And we have emotions like you white fucks.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
A little bit. Yeah, yeah. They're not as big as you. Asians are, your tear ducts are smaller.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah. But I'll tell you what the saddest thing is. Yeah. And my therapist says I have to stop doing this. Yeah. Which is... Because she goes, I obsessed over the mourning of people. Sure. Right? So it's like I've been watching all night long. So what they did was all the family members were at the airport just staying there in tents. So awful. Now, can I ask a question? Oh, my God.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
You're right. Sorry. Right, but they also, you know, we care about the remains. So do we. Yeah, we all do. I don't know. I don't think so. We ship the bodies. I think Koreans care about their remains more than white people. So you're camping at the airport. Where in the airport are they camping? The government set up these tenting cities.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Move on. I never even thought about that, and I guess you're right. I'm backing you up. Look how terrible this looks. This looks like L.A. That's it. But here's what's sad about it. How does this help? It doesn't help. But they want to be there to see if they can find like a toe or something.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Well, what I do is sicker. I'm going to tell you what I do. Okay. Right? So when the... I don't know why I'm laughing. But when the guy, you know what I mean? He's the CEO or someone that works for the airline. He's like naming names to people that deceased. Oh, right. Right? You can hear people yelp in the background. Yeah. So he'll be like, you know what I mean? Yes.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Immediately. I would not go to a tent. And I'll tell you why they don't have to do that. Because Koreans are already, it's inherent in their company. They already know they're going to get paid out. Okay. Well, that, by the way, that's good. I just made that up, but I'm assuming.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
I'm so nervous. I'm leaving in two days. You're leaving in two days.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
I've seen her in every room doing it. Unbelievable. I want to apologize about the machete trails thing earlier. No, of course. No, it's already out there. But everyone knew what you meant. I didn't know. I didn't mean anything, but I was, I had two hours of sleep. Yes. And when I, in retrospect, I go, no, everyone, everyone would know. All Asians would know about your glasses.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Well, when it's going down, do you know how you're going to be? I'm going to be thinking about you. No, but what do you do? Do you scream?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Let's move on. Let's move on from this. Let's talk about Gladiator 2 or something.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
I liked it. I thought it was good. I thought it was good. I thought it was very good, and I enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I enjoyed it. And here's another. Can I just recommend another one? Sure. On the topic, right? Yeah. Onora. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. The Order. Ooh. Did you see it? No, what is that? The Order is about these white supremacists in the 70s.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Remember that radio DJ, Jewish guy, that got assassinated outside the studio? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that guy. You know who plays him in the movie?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Marc Maron. Really? And he kills it. It's a great movie. And The Order is about white supremacists. It's about that killing and also the heist that they had and then how they got stopped. You know what I mean? But it's a... It's a really good movie.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
It's not a coup. People call it a coup. It's not a coup. You need the military for the coup.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
A shaman hat. With a prop and costumes. Right, right, right. You can't. No, no, no.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Oh, wow. Also, Tim, if you were breaking a window and I didn't know what was going on, I would help you break it. I don't know what's going on. Of course.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
And if you said, like, come into this office, right? And I'm in Nancy Pelosi's office. Right. I don't know what's going on. I just followed Tim in there. Would you go in?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Do you think he's going to pardon the January 6th people that are in prison?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Day one. Day one. You think day one? Day one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
He signs a page. Yeah, yeah. We do posters all the time. Yeah, we sign posters on the road.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
People lose their mind. Yeah, yeah. People go wild. They do crazy shit. Then don't go, don't go, don't go.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Wear a shirt that says this is for Jimmy. You know when the president gives awards out and puts a little thing around their neck? The Medal of Honor? Yes. How can I get one? Oh, buddy.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Such an unflattering photo. Yeah. So you don't think I'll ever get one? No chance. You know what I don't like about you, Andrew? Give it to me. And I think, Tim, you're in the same category. Yeah. I really get no support. But here's the thing. No, here's the thing. Hold on. Hold on.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
That's why I had Kennedy on my podcast. Right. Right. Well, that's good. Do you remember we bailed? Yes. So me and Bobby.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
So you and I had a benefit show. Yes, we did. You remember? And then I called you. Yes. And you go, are you going?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
No, we knew it. Yeah, you knew it, right? We knew it. You were going to go, right? And the lineup was tough. Your excuse was COVID, right? COVID. Right. But then I. Got COVID. No. No. I told them I had COVID before you told them because I stole your fucking excuse. Smart. And I sent them, I think, your. Yeah, I told you. I shared it with you. I shared it with you.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
So... But I would have done it if you did it because you weren't doing it. I was like, I don't think I should do it then either.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
You think this is his way to get back into movies? Something. Yeah, something. He's got to come back. He doesn't want to not be famous. Yeah, but my thing is that there's nothing else he can do to make money, and this is why he's doing it.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Do you remember my dice story? No, what? I was working the back door in the light 90s, okay? The light 90s? The late 90s, man. What's so funny, guy?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
I agree with you. I believe zero of that. That's the thing. If you're a Rockefeller, sometimes you get cut off. That's what I'm saying. What if he's cut off?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
That guy, oh, my God. Look at him. By the way, if you think that guy didn't ask to eat a liver. Right, right, right.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
The light 90s. So I'm working the back door. I don't know Dice at all. He comes up to me and he goes, hey, Ching. That's what he used to call me. Really? But not in a racist way. No, no, not at all. It was Chi Ching. Chi Ching. Oh, yeah. He's like, it's not racist. It's Chi Ching. Money guy. Money guy. Gotcha. He goes, hey, Ching. I go, Bobby, Ching. And then he goes, we're going.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
But you know how Kevin Spacey cries about he's lost everything in his house? Like, do you believe that?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
You would think that Kevin Spacey would have made at least $100 million.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
So he's not going to, he's not like on the streets. I mean, he's going to.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Just go to Austin with Tony. I don't know. Army Hammer, Kevin Spacey.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
They could start like a new Hollywood over there. A thousand percent. In Austin, you think? In Austin. Even the actors. Start a production company. Yeah. You know what I mean? What do we say to Austin? We're never going to go. No thanks. No thank you.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
I go, going where? He goes, to Vegas. He went to the management and goes, I'm taking the little Chinese guy. He didn't know I was Korean. Right. To Vegas right now. So I literally, no toothbrush, no clothes. No problem. I literally get on a plane with him. He goes, you're good luck. He lost $850,000 in 12 hours. And then when we got back, he didn't talk to me for three years. Of course.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yes, that's us. Someone's got to do it. He's a good example of someone I met early. I love him. You know what I mean? I love him. I fucking love him, too. He's like a brother to me, right? He's brilliant. But I'm so glad I met him early. I know what you mean.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
You're going to cut some things out because I'm going to tell them what to cut out. Can you?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
I already know jokes in my head that didn't work. It's in my head right now. But it's a podcast.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Why does Rogan call out bad jokes? One time I did a joke, like last time I was on it, and he goes, ha, ha, ha.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
It's the most stressful podcast I've ever... You have to admit, both of you, that doing this podcast, it doesn't feel like this. It feels a little bit more elevated. It's the hardest show.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
You will get a Heisman. A Pulitzer, and I want to get the Medal of Freedom.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
You know that. Listen, I'm so happy. Are you? I'm in a perfect place in my life.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Ah. I can't, I can't get the call. Oh, they put a pin in you. They pin you. Right. And then like, you're in the mix. Yeah. Right. And then two months goes by and you see a billboard of it. Yeah. I guess I'm not in the mix. You know what I mean? It's like, I can't do it.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah, well. It was a nightmare. Was that your fault? I think so. I think I gave him bad energy there.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah. So you read. You know if you read well, right? Always, yeah. Then the next day you get a call like you're in the mix. They like you. They put a pin in you. They like you. Is that the same thing? Same thing. Yeah. Right. And then it goes, and this is your agent not knowing. Right. When they say that. Yeah. Like, you know, still, you know, you know how this works. You're right there.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Right there. Yeah. You know, they haven't gotten a call. That means they don't know what's happening. They don't know what's happening.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
And it was the first time where I go, oh, stars can do anything because we were at the gate. At LAX. Yeah. And he just lit up a cigarette.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
No, they say this. They're moving in a different direction. They're moving in a different direction.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
We know what's going on. Well, we are dumb, but we're not that dumb. We are dumb.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
That's it. So for Whitney's show, Whitney, her sitcom. Yeah. The TV show? Yeah, everyone auditioned for it, right? And I started outwardly complaining that I didn't get an audition. I guess it got to her. So one day... They called me in, right? But it was for a part they had already cast.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
At the gate. Yeah. And I go, you can do that? He goes, I can. And he just started smoking. But he can. And then they said, put it out. And he just threw it and popped it. That's fine. That's amazing.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Wow. And then I didn't even get a casting director. I got some lady with a camera, like an iPhone. And I swear to God, we were in some sort of storage room. Just do it real quick like this. You know what I mean? It was just to call me in. That's why.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Here's what I don't like though. Yeah. Since we're talking about it. Yeah. I love you so much. I love you. Is when you get an offer, that's even worse. Yeah. Because you show up on set and you're like, am I going to do it right? Yeah, am I going to fuck it up? Because the worst thing is when you're doing it and you see the producers look, you know, from Video Village and they're like concerned.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah. Like, oh shit, he's doing it wrong. You know what I mean? And then they have to come to you while you're, it's the day you're shooting. Yeah. Right. They give you a thousand notes. Oh, scary. It's so stressful. Right.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
That's why I like that movie Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Yeah.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Like even, you know, that scene on DiCaprio's in his trailer and just ripping on himself because he forgot a line or whatever. It just felt so like real to me.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Well, you know, no, I can say something, too. Why? It's an attack. Why? It's not an attack. It's not an attack. Stop it. I auditioned for it, and I was close. You were so close. I got really close. That would have been great if you weren't there. It would have been great. Two wins for me. I have no control. You know, as you know, we have no control. No control. Yeah, yeah.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Can we talk about one last movie, and then we can go? Yeah. I had an Olympic burp. Sorry. Okay.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Also, Nosferatu is Lemmy from Motorhead. Like, what the fuck are we doing here? I agree with you. He's not scary at all. No, it's crazy. He has a mustache. It's like, what the fuck is going on here, dude? The whole thing's stupid.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm going to say this. She... She's killer. Steals the movie. What's her name again? Lily Rose Depp.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah, but we got to get the power back. Nah. Like Public Enemy said.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
They didn't mean that. They weren't talking about that? They didn't mean that. I don't really know their lyrics.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
That's literally you and I in bed. That's us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Hello. Go ahead. If we didn't know each other, we're at the Abbey. Yes. Right? Yeah. I just keep thinking that's you and me. It's so funny. And, like, I look the way I do. Yeah. Am I someone that you would hit on? I've hung out with Asians. No, but me specifically. Like, my look. I don't know.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
But that would be the only reason. It's the only reason. Do you prefer white men?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah. Right. Come on. Big difference. I get it. Come on. Right. What I'll be doing there is I'm cleaning off the pole. Don't they have poles there? You're always cleaning the poles. When they're dancing or whatever, right? Don't they dance? Yeah. You clean the poles. Yeah, I clean the poles. So I'm not sexy to you.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Changed my mind. Yeah, changed my mind. Anyway, thanks for having us on.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Okay, so Tim, let me ask you a question, friend. Sure. And I want your little advice, my friend. Yeah, please. I'm with the date. Yeah. We go to fucking Boiling Crab.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
do you like that place so much in hollywood boiling crab no we went to one in northridge he loves that he loves boiling crab i love crabs boiled he loves boiled crab okay okay and that's my thing so anyway it's great so the one in hawaii tim yeah okay for years i've been doing selfies there you've seen my selfies yeah yeah the boiling crab i know they owe you money they owe me money then the corporate right would text me back like dm me back and go thank you for publicizing
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
I take a date to the fucking Northern. Everyone in the fucking lobby. That does look good. Everyone in the lobby recognizes me, right? Yeah. Staff, I still had to wait an hour and a half. That's not right. Be honest. No, that's not right. I'm going to take the power back.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That is. That is. That's not what I'm saying. No, what I'm saying is that maybe 45 minutes.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
It's a pure energy that you don't even know anything about, and I'm going to tell you something else, my friend. Learn, Tim. This is for you to learn. I'm going to teach you some shit right now, dude. Thank you. In Idaho, remember we were in Idaho or whatever?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
We had a guy call a fancy restaurant. And then not only do they say no, they go, we don't even want these guys in the building. That's right.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
They were not interested. They were so fucking rude. What's that place called? I don't remember. I want to rip them apart. Why do you think that is? He's only got a brand of humor. They're more Bargatze people, I guess.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
You said... And a lot of Asians. There was an Asian in the store. Let me tell you something about Asians. Yes. Okay?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah, that's a good one. He's exclusive at every place that people... But there's some places he probably doesn't get treated well, though.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Ooh. He's got the swagger of a high school bully. You want me to put you in a locker? See? That's good. He'll do it. I'll put you in a locker and put your wedgie on your face.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
He knows a lot about Asians. Yeah. But I'm going to tell you something about it because I am one. Yeah. If you don't know, my friend. I do. Okay. It depends on what kind. That's right.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah. They're just starting fights. Yeah. Like, I would pick you up upside down, stick your head in the toilet, but you're too fat. Okay. All right. I mean, that's uncalled for.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
48 hours of constant vomiting. It was wild to watch. Interesting. It's cool to see it go to work. Can I tell you what happened to that guy?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
He did it. I worked with Monica Barbaro on a sitcom. Well, why wouldn't he do it, though?
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Yeah, she was on splitting up together. And even then I knew, oh, I'm never going to see this person again. She was just good. No, because she got Maverick while we were shooting.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
That's what I thought. Because I thought you were going to do the machete one with the brown shorts that are all cut up. No. No shoes. Those, they don't know nothing.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Not next. And I think Gaga's done, but go on. Okay, I want to say something, okay? Number two, okay? Number one, I know people that like that movie. The Joker? Whoa. Yeah, yeah. Cool. Okay? We also, it could be one of those movies, it might stand the test of time. And 10 years from now, it could be genius. No. No. That's not how it works. By the way, thank you. Oh, yeah.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
And also, I want to say something about A Complete Unknown, because I didn't say my opinion.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
He looks good. He looks real good. Okay, so first of all, Monica Barbaro was also a guest star on Splitting Up Together. She wasn't a regular.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
She's killing it. And number two, let me tell you about a complete unknown.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
We sat in the theater. I'm a huge Bob Dylan fan. Always have been. Yeah. Okay? As soon as you see him on screen, you go, oh, this is going to be good.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
It's Bob Dylan. It looks like Bob Dylan. He did it. He did it. He kills it!
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
Better than Rami Malek. He did great as queen, right? Two completely different things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Austin Butler, great Elvis, right? Yeah. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it. I'll tell you, Brett. This dude kills it.
The Tim Dillon Show
425 - Bad Friends
If you want to make a trail in Vietnam, I'm not saying that that's the kind... No, for sure.