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Chapter 1: What does Shia LaBeouf think about Bobby Lee?
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.
You know what's really not good? People who come on these things and don't wear the cans because whatever reason. Yeah, some people don't like them. Yeah, but David Mamet's wearing cans.
You like the way they feel? Yeah. When David Mamet wears cans, we wear cans.
Everybody has to wear cans. Everybody wears cans.
Whatever David Mamet do, we do. Do you want to wear your cans? I might be better without him because I'm definitely... Then none of us are going to wear cans.
And this show's going to be crazy. If anybody cannot wear cans, it's him. It's Dave Mamet. Exactly.
You want to take yours off now?
No. I'm just a regular guy. He's a normal guy like us. Just a regular guy. No, it's Dave Mamet. Let's see him...
What the fuck have you been? You never call, you never fucking.
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Chapter 2: What challenges did they face making a movie?
Yes, Arkham Falcon is alive. He was born on November 5th, 1941.
Isn't it incredible that you're, David Mamet's such an incredible writer.
I'm a terrible reader.
A Pulitzer Prize winner? Yeah, yeah. You can't even read four words without anything complex inside of it.
Yeah, well, give me a complex word.
I can say it right now.
Yeah, but that's his genius.
Give him a complex word.
I'm a genius, right? I know you. Yeah, I know you too, dog. I've given you so many compliments. If I give you another one today, it'd be uncomfortable.
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Chapter 3: How do they compare Star Trek and Star Wars?
These aren't earned. These aren't earned, and these are called golden goose, and they come distressed.
No, Bobby. He likes pre-worn bullshit. He loves it. I understand it, though. I get it. Well, explain it to me, Shia, if you understand it. I know you very well, Bobby. I feel like I grew up with you in a weird way. You did? Yeah, in a weird way.
Well, I met your dad first.
Well, I met him. So Radford Hall used to do these big comedy things, like where they'd bring in all the comics. Can we talk about sobriety? Yeah. So I met him in a recovery. Basically, we're in a big Radford Hall. I remember. Okay. You were with a hottie. I was. Let him finish. My father. Fuck, dude. And Bobby was like the headliner for three years in a row.
And I remember the first year at Radford Hall, I really wasn't looking forward to it. And then Bobby got up in about two minutes and his dick came out and all the drunks in the hall loved him. And it's been like that for three years. And then I think on the third year, I remember I went up to Bobby and I tried to talk to him. You were very busy and you had a beautiful woman with you.
But I remember telling you, you're my favorite comic. And then I said it to you three or four times from then on. I saw you at Lijah's thing.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That was really nice for you to show up to that.
You took your dick out in front of all these people. Yeah, yeah. But it was that kind of party. It was that kind of party. You've never done anything like that before. That's like a big, that's a new.
Well. This was 2004 or something like that. 2004, dog.
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Chapter 4: What are the thoughts on the Snow White remake?
Chapter 5: Why is fighting with Robert De Niro significant?
But I remember telling you, you're my favorite comic. And then I said it to you three or four times from then on. I saw you at Lijah's thing.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That was really nice for you to show up to that.
You took your dick out in front of all these people. Yeah, yeah. But it was that kind of party. It was that kind of party. You've never done anything like that before. That's like a big, that's a new.
Well. This was 2004 or something like that. 2004, dog.
Oh, let me tell you something. He's still doing that bit. He's still using that fucking bitch. David, I have to say to you. Any male nudity in any of your films, David? Any male nudity?
That's a very good question. I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, yeah. Do I like attractive people bringing each other up? Yes. Yeah. But on the other hand, it's a cheap way to get out of a scene that you don't know how to fit.
Right. That's right.
I think if you're well endowed, you can't do male nudity. I think it's only good if you're three inches and under, and then you can get away with it.
That's what I say to him all the time. The only reason he gets away when we do live shows.
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Chapter 6: What insights do they share about the movie industry?
What do you think about Mark Twain?
Chapter 7: What is the significance of the adopted dwarf joke?
I love him.
What about Mark Twain's dick, though?
He's a sloppy kisser. Did you know that? Mark Twain? Did you know him? He's a sloppy kisser. A little bit before my time, he met General Grant, and General Grant said the motherfucker stuck his tongue down my throat. That's what he said about Mark Twain.
Twain made out with Grant. What? Yeah. Wow. Wow. He said he was a shit kisser. Yeah, that's right. Great writer, shit kisser. Wow. Yeah. That's incredible. It was that a thing from a kiss hello is polite. You have to receive it. You have to receive it. What if you're not in the mood for a kiss hello?
Exactly so. Yeah. You got to turn your head. But that's always, don't you find that that's always, you feel like it's a put down. You're going to say, oh, I guess it's the thing we kissed this person in the lip. And they turn their head a little bit.
You want to fucking die Well the other day I went on a date With five times this girl Remember the hot supermodel And the fifth time I went in to have a kiss And she turned her head shot Is this the girl that I met at the movie theater
No. Somebody new. He's got a new... It's amazing. It's a rotate. It's like... What do you mean? Shia, you don't... I never was... Never like that.
You're in a relationship. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you're married. Never like that, though.
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Chapter 8: How did David Mamet and Shia LaBeouf meet?
How do you think about that? Am I right or no?
No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we did this thing as a play. We're doing it as a movie. And it's about a guy who is so compassionate that he ruins everything around him and everyone takes advantage of him. He ends up going to prison and he ends up getting his life changed by the boss con over there. And then some shit happens. Wow.
Some shit happens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pull up the site just so we have it for everybody.
When does this shit happen? Do you get like a little fondled or what?
What do you mean, me? Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. You mean, oh, you went right there, huh? It could have been 5,000 things. That's the movie I want to see.
Anyway.
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