Christina Pazsitzky
Appearances
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What's up, everybody? My Come Together tour is coming to the Vibrant Arena in Moline, Illinois on May 8th, Bristol, Virginia at the Hard Rock on May 10th, and then Springfield, Massachusetts at the Mass Mutual Center on May 22nd. Get tickets now at tomscrow.com slash tour.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, yeah. So according to him, usually whenever he gets arrested. Usually. The cops are always excited to see them because apparently most of the cops in the Auburn PD are YMH fans. Oh, cool. Yeah. Shout out to Auburn PD.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It wasn't made yet. Jeans and Mike were going to hit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, I want him to get, I want him to just stay on the path. I do too. Let's just get him to Vegas, start his scene work, get him working.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. Now, the real question is, are we going to be able to add the RPC to this scene? I really want to know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Can we give him a call? Can we call RPC and see if he's open to his... I know he's an actor. He's made it clear that he does work in this business.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, but we only tried three of his six numbers. We should try them all. You don't want to just call one or three phone numbers for somebody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's really exciting, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
How do they memorize them? They barely can spell their names. I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I have no idea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I have no idea. I don't even know the number. I don't know the numbers. I don't know our phone numbers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. No idea. No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, yeah. What are you doing, man? Call the other numbers. Jesus.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
God, obviously.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I remember the clip, too. I remember the clip that she was bound and her head was through one of those things and her... Her arms and legs were bound also.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'm making a hat. I'm doing some scenes. Robert!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Trust me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, so you're working on that bit. That's fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Hey, I got a question for you. What? So we are producing a doc and then working with some people for an adult scene that's shooting in Vegas. It's big names, you know, Alexis Fox. It's like the breakout role for Tony Johns. Would you be interested in being in a scene like that? What kind of scene? It's an adult scene, like a porno.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So here's what I'm thinking. Yes. I'm thinking. Oh, yes. Right now, we're going the law enforcement angle. So Alexis. Creatively. Yeah, creatively. Yeah, yeah. So she's going to play Officer Alexis. And then Tony Johns is the male who's been arrested. And we were thinking you could be like basically Sergeant Cumdump.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
who comes in and tells Officer Alexis that this criminal needs to be strip-searched and that you need DNA so that she's got to get it out of him. You know what I mean?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
The stocks. Yeah. And then a cool guy came up behind her and put things in her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yep. You feel you could do that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, yeah. So how about getting to Vegas? Would you be cool flying to Vegas?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, we would fly you there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, right. The cat. That's a good question. I don't know. Is there somebody that could watch the cat?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay. I mean, that's up to you. I don't want to, you know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
We would fly you out and put. Yeah. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Right, right, just to board him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He was fucking awesome. God. He took her to town, and then she did the post-scene interview, and she was like, that was awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, of course. No, we love cats. So we would fly you out there, and then we would put you up, and then you'd be participating in the scene, and obviously you'd get paid for that, and then you would fly back.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay. How do you feel about air travel? Like, are you pretty comfortable going to one of the airports to fly to Vegas?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, yeah, we can get you an aisle seat. Sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. If you leave some food out for a couple of days in a litter box and everything. Yeah, that's fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay. Man, this is super exciting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, you know, this would be great. And you could bring out some, if you have some costume stuff for Officer Cumdump, if you want to bring that, that would be probably helpful. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Sexy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
We can get you a new uniform.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She didn't look comfortable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Damn. When I was young, I used to dream of being anything. A doctor, president, a scientist. But as you get older, your dreams change. Focusing less on running the world and more on how you can take your skills and ideas and turn them into something real. Instead of dreaming of going to space or owning your own castle, maybe you start dreaming of owning your own business.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You'll need a website, a payment system, a logo, and a way to advertise to new customers. It can all be overwhelming and confusing, but thankfully that is where today's sponsor, Shopify, comes in. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S., from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Turn those dreams into a cha-ching and give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash momshouse. Go to shopify.com slash momshouse. Shopify.com slash momshouse. Cha-ching. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, yeah, somebody just that can't fight back, you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I mean, this summer, there's all kinds of things I want to do, but one thing I know I'm going to be doing is sweating a lot. It's so goddamn hot here. Prepping for a big summer means planning to stay hydrated so you can get the most out of your body and live more during those warm summer months. And you got to pump your body, I'm telling you, full of these
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
electrolytes, and there's no better source than liquid IV. From acai berry and lemon lime to piña colada, find all your favorite hydration multiplier flavors in one place. Craving something lighter? Try their sugar-free lineup. Raspberry lemonade, white peach, Rainbow Sherbert keeps things fresh without the sugar. Break the mold and own your ritual.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, this is super exciting, Robert.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's going to be a huge scene.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
God damn it. Insurance is such a pain in the ass sometimes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I think back in that day, there was a lot of things that went down that there wasn't repercussions for.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
yeah i get it so um the guys will be in touch and we will book all the travel for you and then yeah this will be a super fun thing man thank you so much for oh robert which phone number is the best for josh to reach out to you could you just like answer your phones and stuff the one you use it now okay this one okay this is the number mark this one as the good number guys so keep a lookout for the phone calls okay robert
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay, cool. The 26th and 27th, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Thank you. I can't wait. We'll talk to you soon.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's later than that, I believe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, it's 107 there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I don't think so. I've never heard him really talk about the cat before.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And it went from I'm boarding the cat to like, it'll be fine here. I'm like, yeah. It's good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
This is very exciting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Dude, Officer Cumdump getting a real role. Yeah. It's really cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. So. Yeah. There you go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Speaking of big news, we have a wine mesh exclusive. I should probably treat it with the respect that it deserves. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's true. Um, Netflix, the streaming platform, uh, has, I have a new show coming out called bad thoughts and it's going to come out on May 13th. So I hope you all will check it out. Um, so far the teaser has dropped, uh, but now the full trailer is coming out. And the good people at Netflix have allowed us to debut the trailer first. So we get to play it before anybody else.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So we're going to go full screen. We're going to mute the mics and we're going to let you watch the trailer. And then we will come back and we'll talk about it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So here you go. It is the world exclusive premiere of the new trailer for Bad Thoughts coming out May 13th on Netflix. And here you go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's a job. I only have one role.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Get this starving bitch a shrimp. Large iced coffee and just a slash of whole milk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Could you just remake this with less milk?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
and there you go yeah it's so good it's a good trailer it's so good yeah we're stoked babe this show's so fucking great it's really exciting I'm so stoked I've watched you go through the whole process yeah you've spared no expense the writing to the whole production of it and now we've been in post for months and now it gets to come out so we're super excited for it um
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
We'll have a premiere in another, well, the premiere is actually. Past May 6th, right? No, yeah, it's May 6th, yeah. So exciting. So it's coming up in like a few days. Oh my God. Yeah, but so many people, you know, work so hard. I think that's the thing you realize too when you actually get to do a project like this is you're like, oh man, this is truly a collaborative experience.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Like there's so many people involved, so many. And they all bust their ass. Everybody tries. That's the other thing is you're like, man, even when a show comes out and you're like, because you don't know how a show is going to be received. I don't know what, but you're like, man, people really try. They really try. Everyone tries their best to make the best thing possible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, not this shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Rob Eiler's in it. Kirk Fox is in it. Daniela Pineda's in it. Johnny Pemberton's in it. I'm forgetting tons of people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Dan Stevens is in it. Who else? Alan Rachel's in it. Shea Whigham. Shea Whigham's in it, which is fucking unbelievable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, we got so many fucking heavy hitters.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You said that to me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
The nuggets have been there so long. Yeah, it's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, I've got to give credit to Nico. Our DP was just unbelievable in it. And then the writers, Rami Hashash, Jeremy Conner, Zimman and Gerard, Conner Galvin, were amazing. Greg Tukulescu also helped us out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
yeah it was like it was a huge huge collaborative effort i i got to direct a few of these which was a huge win for me something i always wanted to do so i directed three of the stories so we'll get into that more when the show comes out but yeah also some you know little ymh easter eggs there's some easter eggs in there which is so fun that we got to you got to put i like that some people were like oh you have to be a ymh insider to get this like not at all no zero percent
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, sure. Sense of humor. Yeah, but none of them are contingent upon understanding an inside joke. No, no, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, so again, that's the full trailer. Show comes out May 13th. I hope you watch it. I hope you tell people to watch it. We couldn't be happier about it. Yeah. Awesome. There you go. Tanner found the full gay auto mechanic scene.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's a great thing to put on your lips before you blow a guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Get them right now, right now, right now, right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I just want to see what happens. Like, what happens here? I know. Okay, awesome. It's called Greased Up. Of course it is. Okay. Greased Up. Where does it go from here?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, resting. Fuck your break.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It was pretty fast. He forced his head down. Yeah, it was pretty quick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Thanks, Tanner. Appreciate you doing the research. Yeah, I mean, he really just went from what? And then they pulled him down by his tie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He doesn't want to be there. You can tell. He's like, I run a business. I'm trying to run this fucking mechanic shop.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No cars are getting service now. So it actually, he was right. They really should get back to work.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, I don't know about taking my car here. If you can find out the name of the place, I'd like to avoid it because they don't actually work. They're just all fucking not cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, let's see her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Perfect, right? Yeah. Let's see.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, he's engaged to his longtime partner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Melanie Hamrick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I would think so. He's got to. Has she had a kid?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Do Melanie Hamrick. Let's see. Melanie Hamrick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Has one child named Devereaux.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. They welcomed him in 2016. Oh, that kid's almost 10.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's Jagger's eighth kid. Yeah. Oh, they've been in a relationship since 2014.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They've been dating since she was 26. So that is the best fertile years. But he gave her a kid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'm pretty busy. I do a lot of shit. I don't know, man. This could go either way. You know what I mean? I don't want to fucking lock into something. I mean, let's be- Bitch, you are replaceable. You ain't shit. I'm not reliable and neither are you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, that's fucking so cool. For sure, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, real talk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They're not sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
This little fucker was a real rascal. You know that, right? Hold on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Both. Probably more just I don't know if I want to be married, I think. Yeah. Because I think that's real scary. Some dudes it's really, really scary.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I mean, you've got to actually give credit. They're not marrying them, and that's the decision. It's clear. If he's not asking you to get married, and you're cool with it, then that's fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I mean, a lot of chicks, we'll tell them. You see it all the time. Women go, hey, if you're not going to marry me, then I'm out of here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Does he get a lot of shit?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Who you should look lovely, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They look happy. They look good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
How old is she?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Let's see.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Canoe's got to be a little older than that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's wild. That doesn't look like a 60-year-old man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Neither does Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise was just up there. He's 62.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They look great. They don't age. They don't age.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That era is... Because life sucks. Molto gay. Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, a little bit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's fine. The right amount. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Movie stars should.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's had it. Cruz has had it. Pit. Pit Stop's had it. They all have little touch-ups.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Mm-hmm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, really?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
When I do it, I'm going to go full.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Full all the way back. This shit up here like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Mm-hmm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And I'm going to go, hi.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Snoring with his eyes open.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's 62 years old, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
When you look at somebody and you're like, that guy's less than a decade from 70.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
For sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You've said it a few times.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's on top of his nutrition. That too. He has been for decades. That too. He's physically fit. He's really active.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, 40s is where you lay the groundwork.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I know, because once you're 60, it's too late to start.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
If you're 60 and you haven't started, don't start. Don't start. It's too late. Just throw in the towel.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, just quit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Quit now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. She's rounding third right now. So it's just like let her come home. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's insane. Yeah. It's insane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Don't even put that out there. God. No. Got a couple years at best.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
First of all, she won't anyway. No, no. I've been trying to get her to do a daily casual neighborhood walk for one decade. No. And she's like... I did it two weeks ago. I hate it. I'm like, okay. Hates it. Don't walk then. And then she's like, I can't walk anywhere. I'm like, yeah, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You should be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, she's out of her fucking mind.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's a crazy person.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's crazy. She's one of seven, you know? I know. She's the youngest of seven. Most are dead because who's alive? Four are, so three are dead. It's all men. No, don't say that. Oscar, Juan Luis, and Pepe are dead. Oh. Some of them died in their 60s.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, but these guys were... These two were both knuckleheads. You know that, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But Armando's still alive. He's older than her. Blanca's still alive. She's older. And Marita's still alive. And she's older. So she has older siblings that are all alive.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's in his late 70s now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It really is a roll of the dice, though, on this shit. Some of it is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. You know, we know that couple in L.A. where she's younger than him. Which one? I feel like that's all of L.A. No, but these are friends. Okay. And he doesn't look close to his age and he's like this age, like 60-ish. And his parents lived into their 90s.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
wow and so you're like oh because you're like you look really good oh right i know which couple yeah you look really good man yeah and he's like yeah mom's 96 yep you're like mom's 96 yep like yeah my dad lived to 94 and you're like oh okay there's something in your genes yeah it's totally genetics yeah no you're just you're hashtag blessed or you're not charl pushes it into her 90s i'm gonna lose my fucking mind
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But the little guy, the little guy was a fiery little fucker.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's unbelievable. She's been promising to check out for so long now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She just keeps fucking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Dude, I remember being a kid and she was like, I do understand I'm 45. Yeah. I'm going to die. And I'm like, okay. All right. I'm six. Yeah. Thanks for telling me. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Pretty crazy. This is so funny. One of my favorite comedians is Miss Pat. Oh, she's amazing. And she was on Trick Daddy's pod. They were cooking. This is such a funny exchange.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, there's a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drinking, guns. Yeah, he was a little shit. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, of course. She's the best. She'll ask anything. Has he gone to a ditty party? She's so funny. Yeah, she's amazing. He's like, fuck no. He's like, put your dicks up. Take your wallet. Which is true. Which is true. There's no way Trick Daddy and his crew would go to a ditty party. That would never happen. So fucking funny, though. I love Miss Pat. I think I'm going to see her. Oh, yeah?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I think in New York, when I go to New York, she's going to be there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. Trick daddy. I thought you would like this just because you like music. You're a cool music fan. Oh, boy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
These are his tunes, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's not too old.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
All is forgiven. I wonder if putting that on is what puts him in a musical mood. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Dude, way to go, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I mean, you can.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But he's been making music a long time. even before he broke it yeah because that already he broke with that album in like 97 98 um that's when that moby play album came out it was like around 98 99 so that's already 25 plus years ago he was making music before that that wasn't his first album so he was yeah he was doing it hold on
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, it is catchy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You never know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, I don't believe the shit about it's too late to do creative stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
If you want to write, if you want to paint, you should definitely do it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, I was looking at this thing on the- Porn? No, fuck porn.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No. What? Suck your guy's cocks? Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
yeah okay all right you fuck me and i'll blow him fine okay what would you do if you had to make like an album now but you do rap right you'd be raps i don't think i could i'm not uh so awful no i couldn't do that my interest isn't even in that it would be in production like that's the stuff i like what do you mean like making beats even though i can't make one that's what i like the most making beats that's what i enjoy the most is like the production on in hip-hop
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, he's a producer. Yeah. Like I'm saying, I like what the, like the mellot, the beat that you hear.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
There's a lot of songs like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I know. And what I do is I tune out the words and I just listen to the beat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
We should get them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They already know that babies like to smoke and eat sausage. You know what you brought up the other day that I was thinking about? What? How you learn alcohol drinks at different phases of your life. Yes. And I was thinking about it because I was like, when you order a drink, I remember learning what a screwdriver was. Oh, my God. And feeling so sophisticated. So grown up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's part of why I ended up in the hospital.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. So I was lit. I was super drunk. And then I dosed. And then I was like...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I was on my way to the grave.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
After ecstasy, too. I took ecstasy. Then I drank those 14 drinks. Over a few hours, obviously. Oh, yeah. Just a few hours. And then I did the GHB. But one of the things I always remember is screwdrivers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Herve Villages.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, and then you learned, what was it, 7 and 7?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, I didn't do that. I'm not gay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No. I also thought it was cool to say On the Rocks. Oh, my God. You can get that on the rocks. On the rocks. Strawberry Hill, there it is. Then Cuba Libre was a big one with the Latinos. You say, let me get a Cuba Libre, which is just rum and Coke. but it sounds way better when you say Cuba Libre. Yeah. Seven and seven.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Look at him. He's fucking whacked out of his mind in that picture. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That ends, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But here's the thing. I still... I'm so bad now. One thing is I don't drink a lot, but whenever I see a cocktail menu, I'm like, ooh. I go, what's like, because I always have kind of the same desire at this point in my life where I go, I like it to be like refreshing taste. So I like things with cucumber, mint, but like not too sweet. So I can have a little bit, but like really sugary sweet ones.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, forget it. Oh my God, remember when you learn a Long Island iced tea?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I learned that. I feel like that was going from high school to college. Yeah. Let me get Long Island iced tea. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's to get completely ripped. Obliterated. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, this old dog face, I used to just walk into bars at 17. They'd be like, how's it going, sir? What would you like? I had a fake ID. There's the Dresden, yeah. But I didn't have to pull it out all the time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You think because of your tits? They saw your tits and they were like, this big titted broad is your kid? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
i went into a liquor store in boston i was visiting my sister i was going to school there and i go to the liquor store and i put all the beer and everything on the counter and the guy was like id and i handed it to him and he laughed and handed it back goes get the out of here
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
did you even get the beer no he was like get out of here but that's also a fake id town because boston is a massive college community you know they have 61 colleges and universities in the greater boston area so they're used to underage kids trying to yeah he was like get out the fuck out of here dude
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
The sad, tragic ending of Hervé right there. Oh, no. He couldn't overcome his addiction to women. Hilarious. Yeah, he was a little fucker.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
See, I don't even know what that is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I had my first martini last year. Really? I've never had a martini.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Never had one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'll tell you what I am into.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I like gin and tonics with Hendrix and Monkey 47. What about Poroso's? Yeah, but that's vodka though. Vodka and tonic. Yeah, but the one that I like for vodka is you do Osos, a little soda water, a little bit of simple syrup, and then the muddled cucumbers with mint because that's like a refreshing drink.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
that's perfect I think that's kind of like what's it called like a vodka sour or a Tom Collins like it's a version of that but what's the other one that I oh I like espresso martinis I can't do that I like that I don't want to get jacked and drunk it's like remember when I like coffee so it's like that taste is so good to me I know but I have bad memories of doing Red Bull vodkas in the early aughts and then you'd be out playing video games drunk as shit at three in the morning
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
We can have an espresso martini day here, guys. We should do that one day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. Sounds good to me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Three foot ten, too. Imagine that little shit sticking fingers up your ass. He's behind you. He's like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Can't drink too much because then this happens.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Her foofies are real bad. It's bad. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They are rotten. They're rotting. And that's probably going to affect her brain soon.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, it'll go to your brain.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She's got serious decay going on in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
The purge when she has to shit or after she shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They're all like, oh, we know what happened in there. And by the way. We don't need a sound effect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It feels good. You make sounds when things feel good. What is wrong with you? You know? You're not embarrassed to make... Somebody rubs your scalp, you go... Eat something good. Take a nice shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It feels good. You pull up my bean bag.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Absolutely not. It's very cool. Um, peachy break.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And we're back and it's time to explore the marginalized community. Let's see what you got for us today. Let's do it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Is it Ash Wednesday? Is that why that's on her forehead?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, anything is possible. I think that's cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Usually drugs are involved with something like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She doesn't look high. I think she just has a birthmark. No, not a birthmark. I think she has a severe mental illness.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
To another portal?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Where anything is possible?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She has that crazed look in her eyes, for sure. Yeah. Babe. She's very disturbed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Wow. Oh, shit. The balls to play this music and do the slow turn.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. This person's like, oh, fuck, this shit's tight. Damn. That's how you can pull it. Nice. That was...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
We could get my mother this haircut.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But a thick one. It's not a little tail.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's not a real tail.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
it's like a fox tail a pony rat yeah yeah that looks so good that is so horrendous shout out to whoever did that i didn't think anything could be that bad but you did it yeah yeah that's real dog yeah this is a special super menu item at the plaza de coco these are all 100% agave tequila this one is tequila anejo
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Some people, you know, they get excited about different things and this one is as dumb as it gets so congratulations absolutely fucking stupid so dumb yeah oh so this is a real place that actually seems awesome isn't it yeah So I don't have hair, but if I could lay in that and have a scalp massage.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Where is it? In London?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's in the UK, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's pretty rad. This is a good find. Thank you. Congratulations. One of the only upsetting, non-upsetting TikToks you've found. Really cool. You're welcome. That's a great idea. I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That is pretty cool. I don't know that it can fend off evil spirits.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But it is from official stick reviews.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
This is a lady at a buffet. And this guy. What the fuck?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I am watching. Keep it. This guy's just staring at the camera. Okay. You could look like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's having a good time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
There's the food. This is really well put together. Thanks for flagging this. I think we understand what the food is. Well, hold on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
30 second shot of the food.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You know what's cool? Is that reality is what you make of it. And in his mind, he's hit a home run. Yeah, of course. He's in heaven. Of course. He's like, yeah, of course I document this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What do you mean?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Wish we could hear a little more detail about the comments.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And Thai people are small. Of course. They're built like a very slender build.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, we're women.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Who sees a croc drowning and goes, I got to get in there?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Those are croc paws.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
The croc paw has the same mentality as those Thai people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay. She sounds like she comes from the Bert School of Impressions. He does similar accents. Yeah. I'm a good fan.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
How is this a fucking four minute video? How long? This bitch talks like this for this long?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh my God, please.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Thanks a lot for that. Real nice treat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So Bad Thoughts comes out May 13th. And don't forget the Two Bears 5K is May 4th in Tampa, Florida.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'm on tour. TomSaguro.com slash tour for tickets.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Lip shits are on sale for Christine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That was a horrible video.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. And we'll see you next week.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
By the way, I just want to tell people, real soon here, the Two Bears 5K is coming up. It's going to be May 4th in Tampa, Florida. TwoBears5K.com has all the information. I'll be there. All 285 pounds of Bert will be there. We have Jelly Rolls joining us. We have some other celebs coming by, some of the Bucks players, cheerleaders. Thousands of people have signed up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
If you have not, I think you can get everything that you need right there at the website, 2bears5k.com. You can run with us in person if you're going to be in Tampa, or you can run virtually online. And you can get your medal, your shirt, the whole thing, all the swag, baby. It's going to be a fun-filled day, actually, if you're there. We'll be at Raymond James Stadium where the Bucks play.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
There's going to be music, food, drinks. There's recovery centers. It's a fun day. So come on out May 4th in Tampa, Florida.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
5,000 miles. Isn't that crazy? That's fucking terrible. Yeah, it only takes a fucking few days. It's fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's not going to spurt out, is it? No, you'll be good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Good job.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That was so good. What? What happens next? I want to see the rest of the scene. Do we not have it? I can probably pull it up. Bro, you've got to find this. This is fantastic. First of all, the balls of this guy to talk to his boss like that is crazy. But this guy nails this what. It's so good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's like, what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Beg like a bitch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What? All right, listen up, you beautiful, high-functioning party animals. The Two Bears 5K is going down in Tampa, Florida on May 4th, and it's powered by the only beverage bold enough to keep up, Light Strike Hard Refresher. It's crisp, it's refreshing, it's an excellent source of 5% alcohol, and it's built to outpace the party.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Non-carbonated, gluten-free, and easy to sip, it's a killer alternative to fizzy seltzers or sugar bomb cocktails. Plus, it comes in a resealable sports bottle, so you're in full control. Sip it slow, crush it fast, or level it up with a splash of vodka. Porosos, anyone? Launching nationwide this month in lemon, lime, and orange mango. Drink it cold or over ice and just try not to love it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Here's the problem. You're going to love it. It is delicious. It is refreshing. And you can moderate it however you so choose. Learn more about Light Strike at DrinkLightStrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram at DrinkLightStrike. Light strike, hard refresher, an excellent source of 5% alcohol. I've been hitting the gym before work lately. Great for my energy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Not so great for managing sweat and my overwhelming, horrific odor. Yesterday, I went to grab some body care products, but every scent felt the same. Why do men's options always have to be so boring? We need some variety. You deserve freedom from sweat and stink without settling for the same old scents.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Cremo's deodorant delivers 48-hour odor protection, crafted to the same barber-grade standards as the rest of their lineup. Quality without compromise. Now you can elevate your routine with two new signature scents. Italian Bergamo is bright and bold, blending Bergamo, Neroli blossom, and fresh Vetiver. Palo Santo offers a deeper, more refined vibe with smoky Palo Santo and
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
cardamom, and dry papyrus. I gave Crammo's Palo Santo deodorant a try, and now I'm a customer for life. The deodorant goes on so smooth, no residue, and gives me the confidence and class I've been craving. And the scent lasts a long time. I probably should shower more often, but with this deodorant on, I just don't care anymore.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Head to Target or Target.com to find Cremo's new line of antiperspirants and deodorants in the Italian Bergamo and Palo Santo sense. Once again, that's Target.com or just Target or Target.com.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Thanks very much.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
The fact that he's going to go from this level of just an incredulous look to on his knees with dicks in his mouth, I don't believe it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
How's that going to happen?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, it's great. But I want to know, how quickly does he go from that response to participating?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's like the scene work I want to see. I agree.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I agree. It's really crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Can he stay out of trouble for two weeks?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, he can. He's just got to be safe. That's not going to happen. So he's got to be safe. He's got to not get arrested again. He probably should try to find housing. He's asking online for it. He's like, just let me crash.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, what's going on with court right now? So he actually, he's in court as we speak. Right now? Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He had the all-time best statement about, have you been paying your rent? He goes, I'm not a fucking walking ATM.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's his reply to are you paying rent? Am I a walking ATM? No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So the fact that, by the way, we love Tony John's. The fact that he thinks this could go any way other than for the homeowner, like the landlords.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But they've gone through the process, though. Like they went through the long process because he's shown the documentation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Really cool one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's got to pack his bags when he goes to Vegas. He should plan on, and then he's like, oh, but I love Auburn. Like, what the fuck?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I might say her best appearance ever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Let me just relax.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Well, if I don't have... Don't move the microphone.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Why don't you do it? You can do it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
She's like, grab it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah. What? No way. Coffee on the way. Coffee on the way. Thank you so much.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Another coffee.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah, and you know what's interesting is that normally I smell your brown. It has a very pungent, sour smell. Oh, stop. No, I'm telling you, I didn't even smell it today.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Have we talked about the crew? Have we talked about the crew?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Did we talk about the cruise?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
What's wrong with you? Headphones on your cheek. Are you testing me? I'm stupid. Can I talk? Talk nice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That was so much fun reliving it like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
She was a little, I mean, look, she was a little out there. She was out of it. She'd taken some edibles.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That was amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
She really was. Did you take her shopping?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Well, rest assured, she went through my closet last night and took out a jacket.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah. She got something. Don't worry. Not surprised.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You guys had a row. Yeah. As the Brits say, governor, a bit of a row.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I sure did. Well, she was a little blitzed maybe when she left and may have said some things. You know what I mean?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
It's a whole story. It's a whole story.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
And what's really special is that it's both of us. It's a collaborative thing. It is. And I love this. I can't encourage this enough.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I'm just so thrilled as an artist to have my work featured on somebody's body forever now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That's so cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Oh, my God, please. And by the way, don't think I'm resting on my laurels just because of this success. I'm already developing my next piece of art. You are my muse, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You are my muse, and I know exactly what I'm going to do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Oh, that's why it's the roogies in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Maybe don't drink coffee.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Oh, I miss him. You're definitely a single woman because you got the single woman tell that damn smoke detector. How do you live with that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Specifically, the smoke detector that keeps chirping. How do you live with that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Hold on, because I've often used the spray to stimulate my anal.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Oh, my God. It keeps going beep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That smoke detector that's beeping in the background. There's a smoke detector. Um... It beeps every 30 seconds and it goes beep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Told you guys that they don't hear it after a while.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But then I'd stop the spray once the brown comes down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You didn't notice it. And it's one of the first things men notice about you ladies because a man would not sit there with that thing beeping like that. Every 30, every 15 seconds, it beeps. Okay, noted. And my point is, guys, the things that we notice, they don't notice. They just, they get comfortable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
insane how does she sleep at night she's tuned it out she didn't even hear it well that's really interesting because it's one of the marks of a cool guy very early in ymh history yeah the chirp the chirp that was that's always part of their thing well schizophrenic minds can um kind of make sense of a lot of things that shit out it's official crazy i got a shit let's take a quick break
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You're crazy. Who does that? Yeah. Why would you do that? Aren't you afraid you're going to cut it off or it'll spook it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Are you popping the big question? Sure, it's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you'll have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring. Shape, size, style, setting, cut, color, clarity, carrot. If you're like most people, you just have no idea. But trust me, she knows exactly what she wants. So it's time to learn fast.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I think it's too much stimulation for me, and I cut it off.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases, they'll meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. Right now, get $50 off your purchase of $500 or more with code yourmom at bluenile.com. That's $50 off with code yourmom at bluenile.com. Bluenile.com.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
God, that feels like an eternity ago.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Vaguely.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
No, because we didn't have kids then. We were still like normal people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I was so starstruck. I remember being on that lineup with you. I was like, it's Jim Norton. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Do you think you ate something questionable last night?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Well, what I love about you is that you are so open about your sexual proclivities or your, quote, deviancies and all of that. And I think in watching somebody who accepts themselves, even if you hate yourself so fully, it allows other people to accept themselves.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You never know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Because it's the mirror. It's too much because some people aren't conscious, I think, of what it is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
So if you're like, like I was trying to do this bit for the longest time about how women can hate their husbands when you first have a child. Because it's true. The woman carries the baby for nine months. We're exhausted. We give birth and then we breastfeed. Yeah. And you're like, what the fuck have you done? And that's just a very normal, it eventually subsides.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I know. I know. It's weird. I had a little irritation in my bowel too where something triggered it and I was just making soft browns for days. You know when something like irritates your intestines?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But I just couldn't sell it because the women are sitting next to their husbands in the audience.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Everything's great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But I think it's natural.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah, because now I have to blame my own mental illness. I blame it on my relationship I had with my father and that he was abandoning. And then I can tie it back to me projecting it on him. And then it gets safer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
She's messed up. She's so mentally ill. Yeah, she's crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But doesn't that help when they think you're crazy? And I think that helps.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Or my partner. I don't like hearing. Just husband, wife.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Do you do we?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But it's kind of nice because then you're cleaning house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
feel like we should do it the way like a you know like a couple like you would would do it like well yeah the pregnancy thing is absurd but but even one time i remember one time tom and i probably remember i'm gonna say uh we're in the airport getting ready to go on a vacation together and he gets a phone call and he's like i'm going to hawaii and i was like just you just you and i was like what about us as a family we we are going and you got remember that
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
It's cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Right. Both things can be true. One just makes you a little more selfish.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Hold on, Your Honor. I think it was your mother who you're talking to. And you're like, I'm going to Hawaii. And I was like, you're not going to Hawaii.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That's the troubling part, isn't it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
It annoyed me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah, definitely. Because in New York, isn't it... What is it called? Common... Or what is it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Can I ask you the dumbest question?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yep. So, so hold on. Okay. So you married, you married, but you're married to a trans woman.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
So are you married like boy, girl married or are you boy, boy married?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I thought you were going to play something different.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But what do you mean? What's the because you kind of went like, oh, I mean, I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Your wife is lovely. I got to get to know her a little bit in the green room at mothership.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Gorgeous.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Sweet and funny. And like, it's just so cool. And I'm really happy for you. I mean, I don't know you really well, but you seem very happy and very much in love. And like, this is a good relationship.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Well, that's what I was going to ask you. Who were you dating before her? I don't want to limit. Had you dated men? Had you dated women?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You don't like masculinity.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Like being around that. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Would it be like you're sexually gay, but you don't like gayness? Would that be somewhat?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Bisexual then.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Not to label it, because I actually don't like all these labels.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah, I think that's very natural.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Maybe you're like the future of human sexuality. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Well, it might. Look, we have Will Blunderfeld on the show, and he encourages straight men to try, quote, gay things. Like, I don't know. Is it society that tells men? Because women can make out with women. Let's say even in the 90s in college, it was totally fine if I wanted to make out with a girl.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Was that the first penis you'd ever touched?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
This friend at five, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
It's amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Tom, I have to say this before we get along. I mean, I'd like to change the topic to something a little more dignified. I don't understand why it's so funny to you. What's so funny? You got to bring me them nipples. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But also, Tommy, well, yeah, of course. But don't you find, too, that, like...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But I love that time of radio, because I would go between you guys and Stern, and that was such a good time. There was that window before this cancel culture started where shit was actually really hard and funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
No notes. Nobody telling you what you can and can't fucking say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You're the worst.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I was going to say that I noticed over Christmas vacation a while ago.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
that I have a specific protocol as I'm browning, meaning I can't read a book and brown. It's too distracting. I can't look at just videos and brown. I can't be texting and browning. I have to be playing Tetris. And if I'm not... Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Oh, I loved him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
God, I memorized his stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That's awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah, and so bright, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
No, I'm serious. And I can't be watching TikTok. I have to play Tetris.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That's sad. Oh, yeah, I mean, that's just... Dude, I had a philosophy professor that changed my life. This guy was fucking dying. Back it up. He had built his own log cabin before he was a philosophy professor. He was a professional or semi-professional boxer. He had lived this incredible life, became a philosophy professor, had an affair with his student, ended up marrying her, making a kid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
The kid ended up going to the college. This guy led such a great life. And then he was dying of cancer. And then he taught existentialism through his treatment and dying of cancer, which was so fucking crazy and surreal to actively be dying and to teach young kids about life and death at the same time. The guy changed my life forever. You know, like they open your mind and his penis was delicious.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I'm excited. There's going to be a snowstorm tomorrow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah. I know that's where you were going with it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
We know that. Especially, it's weird when we're alone with our kids, you seem to disappear for like an hour.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That's amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That's it? It's just a drawing? Oh man, they should have really... I thought they'd go harder on the image. You'll ski like a .
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah, especially when they were young. That was really weird.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Legs are... Gross exaggerator. Yeah. Anyway, buy my Perfect Four lipsticks, you guys. I'm wearing the Perfect Red right now. I suggest you just buy all four. Why not? They're the perfect colors. I got Madison, Berlin, Perfect Red, and Atomic at ChristinaP.com.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Dude, even, like, vandalism, like, you put a dick on a billboard, and I'm going to giggle every fucking time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
When it's funny, or even, I don't know if you did this growing up, when you'd make a googly eye, you erase around the eyeball of somebody in the black and white book, you know, something like a picture, and then you make the eye big and googly. Like even that, I'll show you one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
And that dick is great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
More coming. I'm just so pumped. I love doing these.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But see, this would make me like Samsung a lot more.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Remember when he covered, so there is a gay bar in Silver Lake called MJ's, right by our house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
And didn't he, he made a banner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
In Silver Lake.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
It's like a staple.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
God damn it. I thought we were past it. I tried to get us past it. Hold on. What's your protocol? Your protocol?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You did.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You're great at sketches. You're really good at that. Coming up with a funny scenario, I think you're really good at that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You know what I'm always jealous of are the Twitter people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
No, and it always makes me laugh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Oh, God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Hey girls, if you want to look more appealing to me, forget the push-up bras and push up the sides of your mouth. A smile is the new tits!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
What are you looking at? Like I found that even specific content I won't brown to.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
No, and he makes it, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That's funny because when I walk by the toilet, I don't hear silence.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I usually hear silence.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But see, a lot of that is like the machine, too, of publicists and also who's publishing that. It's usually one team of peeps.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Most of the time it sounds like violence, and I'm like, dude, he is loving that shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You guys both are on the same list.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
There you go. You guys are on the same list.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Do you feel better now?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Violence.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Are we on?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Oh, you made it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
What year is this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah, this is old.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But here's the thing, Jim Norton, is that if I want to hear about giving a five-year-old kid a blowjob, I want it from you. You're the only guy that can tell that story.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
exactly yeah sorry when you were five but I mean do you know what I mean like John Mulaney can't do that I don't want him to do that I know I don't want him to blow five-year-olds you know what I mean it's also my favorite to add to that it's my favorite type of you guys know what I'm fucking saying you schmucks god you guys are so immature grow up to make it real clear Jim is not talking about blowing kids now yeah he doesn't blow kids no no no I was also five yeah yeah yeah yeah
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I'm trying to give him a compliment.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
The point is, I like, but I like the deep weirdos and I've always liked that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
And I'm not going to like, I don't like the stuff everyone else likes. You know what I mean? I think it's more valuable. Yeah. That you're a bit of a dark horse, a weirdo. I like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That's what I hear through the door. Yeah. And also, and this is like, listen, I've just come to terms with it as part of our marriage.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah, that's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah. True story.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But I've often wanted to talk to you through the door as you're browning.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
When it's a surprise like that, when you sit down to make brown and then you get a bonus brown.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
He's so funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
So funny, especially in this movie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You don't. And I know that about you now. No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Because syndication didn't exist until I Love Lucy, I think.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
You've never seen an episode, and I have to watch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Like, I know. I've seen Take Outs or whatever. Wow. I've never watched a full episode, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
No, I was watching Mr. Ed growing up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
And the Jeffersons, but that's not black and white.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Fuck. That's how he laughed, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Dude, I could see myself doing this, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
He just slid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Right in the kneecap.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Is this how congested it is when you sled? No, this is crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Oh, dicks. Well, then fuck you. Oh, I don't like this one. Oh, fuck it. Okay, I like this one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
This isn't like a dirt bike, is it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
It's different. He's using the wrong bike.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Dude, the skin just came off his face.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
And usually these artists, they do evolve. Like RPC, he's taken on different identities. Lucifer's lair. Professor Cumdump, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That sounds really nice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Did you watch that on the toilet this morning?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But you're right. Unc never wavers. Maybe he changes his hat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Would you marry your mom? No. Come on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
One love. He's talking to Mary.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Are you eating that bran?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
It is. And why change perfection? He's figured out the formula that works for him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Well, of course. Well, because RPC is evolved. He is an artist. He is creative. He does have different things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
No, you can't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Because I've been eating that. I sprinkle it on my yogurt, and boy, does that make me...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
It's way better.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
No, he's amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
What's with the fire? What's he doing there?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
But here's the deal, man. Why do I feel nothing but love? I got to be honest with you. The feelings I get watching these gentlemen, Unk makes me feel a little scared.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
And I feel repelled by that. But for RPC, I want him to get what he wants.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Why is that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
God, he's so charming. Is it the charm? Is it the...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Do not trust this man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Fraud by trying to copy my hats and caps fashion and put my name on it. Oh, wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Maybe I feel a kinship with RPC because he is a comedian. He is a singer. He is an actor. He's a performer. And he's a lover of animals. Great guy. But I don't know much else about Unkshine. Maybe if I knew a little bit more about him personally.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Whoa, whoa, hold on. It says 2390, second half.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
That's inaccurate. I think Wagner House is like that whole block. Yeah, it is. It's kind of like laid on there. Thank God. I didn't want to spread misinformation there, you know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
Boy, was she ever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Don't Pull My Tampon String! w/ Jessica Kirson | Your Mom's House Ep. 812
Knowing what I know now and all the technology that's out there. And fake voices and everything else, you know. Ding, ding, ding.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Don't Pull My Tampon String! w/ Jessica Kirson | Your Mom's House Ep. 812
Voices and everything else. Ding, ding, ding.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Don't Pull My Tampon String! w/ Jessica Kirson | Your Mom's House Ep. 812
Oh mein Gott!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Don't Pull My Tampon String! w/ Jessica Kirson | Your Mom's House Ep. 812
Oh nein.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Don't Pull My Tampon String! w/ Jessica Kirson | Your Mom's House Ep. 812
I want to show up. I want to show up. I want to show up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Don't Pull My Tampon String! w/ Jessica Kirson | Your Mom's House Ep. 812
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Because I hang out with alphas. I would say you and Joe and not Bert, but other men that are very... Strong men.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
The guys that you think are like this in private are not like this at all. They're very tempered. They're very smart.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Fuck that guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It's very Gordon Gekko. Is that his name?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, it's very Wolf of Wall Street, like douchebag 80s.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Especially if you've got time to have this much of an entourage and like a school of dudes with you. Like, what are you doing? You don't need 10 guys in your plane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Fucking idiot. Yeah, prove it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
To get a deal done.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's right, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, stupid. And why come when I go to the beaches and you look out there, water's fucking flat, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I would love to do that. There's power lesbians that run tons of cool stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That'd be so rad. Dude, I would go to a power lesby seminar. Those bitches know what's up. They're not constrained, confined by the patriarchy standards of beauty or behavior, anything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It ain't curved, right, dummy?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I love that stuff. God, I wish I were a lesbian.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Research. You're doing it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I so wanted to send you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Can I just praise you for a moment, by the way? Speaking of positive male energy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yes. Okay. A while ago, I was at my hardcore weightlifting gym, my masculine energy gym.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Do your research. Do your own research.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Where actual real dudes lift.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
And I finally got to meet face-to-face Brigham Bueller.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yes. He's been on Joe's show. You guys, everybody knows him in Texas.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
He's amazing. He's such a great, you know, entrepreneur. Yeah. And he's also very fit too. So anyway, we ran into each other at the gym and I just wanted to pass along a really nice compliment he gave you. He goes, you know, Tom has gotten into such amazing shape and the fact that he does it on the road is, is incredible. How is he even doing that? And I was like, well, he's very dedicated.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
When he lands in a city, he goes to work out. You're on a very strict thing. And he was very complimentary of you and your dedication to Sparkle Motion.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
And then is he like, are you fucking lifting, bro?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I'm not fucking working out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
They're good people. But, I mean, also, it's kind of an appropriate discussion for our guest that's going to be coming in today, fitness and stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I really would. I really would. Dude, your beard is growing back at such a rapid pace. It's kind of freakish. You're like a werewolf.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I've been holding onto that topic for so long. Before our guest shows up, can you please show the Ilaria Baldwin clip that I sent in this morning? I'm dying to get into this. So as you guys know, she's got a TLC show with her husband and her 10 million children.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
She's transracial, and it's cool that we live in a time where you can just pick whatever you want to be. I think she really likes being Latin. She just likes it. She likes it. It's fine. So anyway, there's this clip I got sent today of her and Alec in a fight. And apparently when Ilaria, Hillary, gets fired up, she tends to pick up her Spanish cadence.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
But that's what she does. She forgets her native language a lot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
But Tom, is it possible her soul is Latin?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Hispanic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Sorry. I always goof that up with you people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Your touch, you're fingering my lipsticks. Is that because you miss wearing... They don't want to hear that. Nobody wants to hear your beard flakes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's probably the greatest line. Slow down a kiss.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Guys, buy my Perfect Red. Buy my Berlin, my Madison, my Atomic Red at ChristinaP.com. Tom wore my lipstick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
But you can see her turn.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
What a great voice that Alec Baldwin has.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
He needs to do every voiceover on everything ever. I just love him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I would love to hear his voice, like in the subway or his voice in the airport.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
God, I would love that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Make a right here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It's got to be, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I know. Let him be my Siri voice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I want to do that and I want to do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Rafael.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah. So you're a Spanish speaker. Her Spanish, like you always tell me if they speak it well or not. Does she have a great Spanish accent or just like an okay one?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
She really is. So she's meant to be Hispanic, as you say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Is she Catalan? What is she doing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's impressive. So maybe that's her thing, you know? She's like, look.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
How'd it feel? I'm being serious. It's a very luxurious product, you know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, I think her parents moved there at retirement is what it was.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
She liked it. She liked it. But I think the problem was when she started out claiming to be Spanish, when she started dating Alec.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I know. And she didn't think that people could, like, check her work. Like, journalists are going to check and see, oh, are you really Spanish?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, she could just move to like a small town and just be Ellaria as much as she wanted. If she moved to like Iowa, then she'd be like the belle of the ball, you know? No, not in two dark titties.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's true. You know why? A lot of red lipsticks or highly pigmented lipsticks take the moisture out of your lip, and then the next day you're just like, ugh, dry. Were your lips dry the next day?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Slovak.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's not true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I've never known somebody that really wanted to be Spanish.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's so true because growing up, I was so embarrassed to be Hungarian because it's not a cool European. So I used to wish I were English or anything French, German.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It's not one of the sexy ones. No. What Latin did you want to be?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's cool. Yeah, Colombian's kind of hard.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, they're like the white Latins.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It is. Yeah. That's too far out there. Yeah. You're not a part of that. I used to want to be German cause my grandmother was born there. Right. Like I have German roots and that language is a little more common.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It's so hard to, nobody speaks Hungarian. This is terrible. The German, gosh, that would have been.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I know, it sucked. And then, you know, in the 80s, we were at war with Russia, so everyone thought we were Russians. I'm like, I'm not a fucking dirty Russian, okay?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Get that shit out of your mouth.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Don't talk to me. The dog is being good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, let's go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Better known as fucking Brian. Fucking Brian.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Fucking Brian.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Oh, the Gothic Illuminati?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It's satanic. Well, Obama with his flag and the three stripes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Hilarious. Comedians, just by the way, just so you guys know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
stand-up comics particularly we have we're nowhere near illuminati okay that's not us we're the lowest on the show business total no nobody talks to us nobody cares do anything yeah that's not us that's the music business guys actors do crazy stuff yeah we don't do we're on the other end we get the demons out okay so we don't need to do crazy stuff like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
So am I. I'm feeling healthier. I'm feeling alive and alert. How about you?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
My stepsister, she texted and she was like, oh my God, you finally met Robert Smith?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Because she saw it on Instagram. I'm like, dipshit. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
She's not, this is my youngest one. She's not very bright.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
, , , , , , the P P P P P P P P men實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a P P P P P P P P P P P P P
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Whatever. She's sweet though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I was like, hey dummy, that's my, that's my husband. That's Tom. She's like, oh my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Alfalfa.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Are we there?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Aren't you afraid, are you afraid you might inadvertently hurt yourself trying these things out?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You can go on a retreat that he gives.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
He's in Canada. I swear to God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Get that timer. Well, Josh Solo isn't here today.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
However, look at his skin, glowing. I mean, he's in great health.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Have you tried?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Mousers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You guys are two peas in a pod.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Even your physicality, watching the two of you have chats and you're both working out and it's like, it's really nice actually. You don't see that very often. Now, you guys only took each other's plasma once.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Mousers. Meow, meow, meow, meow. That was cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Hold on, though. Can you break up the calcifications? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, maybe. It sounds logical.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, we saw you drinking that one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Well, I put it on all my food.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
The drinking of it. It was hard to watch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
We love olive oil. That's how we cook. We don't cook with anything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Okay, I'll try it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
So he's legumes, he's veggies, he's olive oil.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Your browns must be incredible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
How many times a day are we going? Just in the morning?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's a nice bit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Hold on. Speaking of alcohol, it's on the carcinogen list.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yes. I just had a bout of breast cancer and my oncologist says that it's on the list.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I'm fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Cancer-free. I'm just going to have my breast reconstructed in August. And I was curious about how did this happen to me?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Okay. It was hormonal-based. It was a very rare form of cancer. But my oncologist told me that one in six women will have breast cancer. One in six. And I said, why? The environment, plastics and everything. Yeah. And so, you know what I started doing, like a real wacko? Hydroponic gardening. I'm growing my own vegetables. And everyone thinks I'm nuts, too. But it tastes incredible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You take a piece of lettuce off your own hydroponic garden with seeds that are non-GMO. It tastes unreal. It's not like the crap. Now, are you growing your own veg? Because, you know, to get those nutrients... You're not going to like HEB or whatever and buying vegetables.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You should.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
with non-GMO seeds.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
There's different sizes. No matter what space you have, you can do it. There's one that just grows lettuce that you can have in your home.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
But you're spending that much on organic produce.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
So then what the fuck are you eating, Brian?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, are you going to really put it in my coffee? Is that going to taste good?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Are you sure?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I'm afraid. Oh, God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Is it unhealthy to drink coffee?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It does. Yeah, that's normal.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Oh, it is good. That's pleasant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It's just, it's pleasant. It's not, oh wow, try it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Juiced up. Is today a Jewish holiday?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Do you drink alcohol? I know. Okay. So that's why that's a huge thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Try this. It's actually really good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Okay, have Brian put it in because he has the right amount. He knows how much to put in. It's actually good. I'm embarrassed to say. I didn't want to like it. I didn't want to like you. I watched your documentary. I liked you. Because I just saw you on TikTok, Brian. And I was like, this guy's out of his mind. It's like everybody is. And then you're like, oh, it's not. And look, what's the harm?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Obviously, you're doing this to yourself. You're a grown up. This is your choice. You can do whatever the heck you want to your body. You want to staple your, your nuts to your leg. You can do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I think the shot, how is it? Hold on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It's actually really good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Well, I read that it has antioxidant properties after I got diagnosed with cancer. I was reading about cancer diets.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's a long fast.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I don't know. 5,000 milligrams?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
How long have you been on it? I don't know. Honestly, I think I do one. A couple months now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I like it. Like what you're saying, I eat a very light dinner and then I fast until lunchtime the next day and I have a decent healthy lunch, a lot of veg, lean protein, and then I have a light dinner and then I'm back. I don't do alcohol anymore because of the cancer stuff. Not too much dairy. I try not to consume dairy. I like it. I feel lighter. I like to feel, and here's the truth of it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I like to feel skinny. I like to have my clothes fitting me loose and you, you know, you can move better. It's good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
How much are you doing it? Let's talk about that machine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Did we sanction this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
And for your organs, for the oxygenation of all your organs. That's why you people do that nutty stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Hyperbaric chamber chat is a little funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Oh, Patrick Bateman, totally. You're a vampire Patrick Bateman.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I'm like, who... That's so precise. It's just the way your mind works. We're sloppy comedians. We don't think that way. You know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Very rigorous.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's what I was going to ask you. What does Brian Johnson do for fun?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Did you do drugs? Did you do LSD? Did you mushroom? Did you do shrooms?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Did you flog yourself after?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
What temperature are you sleeping?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Well, he travels a lot for work, so we don't sleep in the same bed often.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
We have separate comforters.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
But that circadian, that rhythm you're talking about, like when I got diagnosed with breast cancer, I was like, what? And I thought back to the last 15 years of being on the road like that. I was working like that too. And now you're not sleeping properly. You're not eating properly. And since I've been home and off the road, I feel so much better.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
yeah well there's some people that sleep is the thing it is especially for women our rhythms are different than men our hormones are regulated through sleep you got us i sleep more than him yeah you know and it's harder for women as as women age to get sleep so women have to work harder for high quality sleep than men do as you age even though it's no stuff like menopause you mean like waking up and yeah yeah it's terrible yeah do you do coffee on a month
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
No, she needs to be on a vegan plant-based diet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, I'm not afraid to say that. What's with the haircut? That's an interesting haircut. He's got a part.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You got to get into this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You're not even drinking your urine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
And you're not giving yourself coffee enemas.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
What's the... Sharpen your sword.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Okay. No, I don't read that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
He wants to be that guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
He's hoping people see him that way. But I think he looks sweet with his little beard.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, and his little glasses and his sweet little Hitler haircut. Look at that. He's got a side part like Hitler. And then it's this long.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Thank you. Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Thank you. Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
No, and he had tits. He had really nice jigglers. I'm jealous.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
His tits are nicer than mine right now. You know, I'm thinking Andrew Tate is the OG, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
100% kosher.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
But he's legit that guy, right? You know what I mean? Andrew was a fighter. He's an entrepreneur. He's fit. He wears the suits. These guys are like, oh, I want to be that guy maybe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
They're fantastic. Hold on. Hold on. How old is your jet?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
No, will you be getting another jet?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You're aging every time you get on one of those. Yeah, the rays, the UV rays.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I kind of feel that way too, babe. But in truth, because you do travel constantly, it's built into your business. It's a necessity.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
What about a backup plane? Mark Cuban has a backup plane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Now what happened to your nail polish? You're not doing your nails blue.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah, and he drank the whole thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You know, you said that you're socially awkward in the documentary. I don't think you are. I think you're fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
We're all comedians, entrepreneurs. We're all you. Yeah, but you're not. But you're not. You're just precise. You're one of those guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Okay. I'm writing it down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
All right. I believe I'm on the premise.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Clear conscience, babe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You know, stupid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Now, what happens if those people listening are drinking a few beers, having the pizza and then going to bed?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Well, it's also you're making that guy rich because, like, give me $3,000 and I'll make you a guy. You don't have any money?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
So when you're saying to trash collectors so people understand, it's like cellular repair. They're picking up toxins. Is that what you mean by that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
So this is why you take all these supplements and you do this stuff so that everything is at optimal performance. So your body is not in like a deficit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
So now you're optimal and then your body can just clean the organs.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Clean everything every night.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
These are alphas.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
What about your fitness, man? What are you doing? What's the fitness routine?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Well, I'll tell you, this traveling commercial, you'll get colds and stuff. Do you work out when you're sick?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Does that wear down your organs?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yeah. Why, the carbon footprint thing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
And also, I will say, the one thing I really, Tom and I both agreed with you so much, in the beginning of the documentary, you talk about how the mind can tell you what to do. The mind tells you what to eat. And I think... The average bear watching you goes, well, where's the joy? You're not eating this. You're not enjoying your Coca-Cola, your pizza, your hot dog.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
It's like, yeah, but once you realize those things aren't actually bringing you joy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
This is the lie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
But how would the average person kick this notion that, well, without wine, without pizza, without these junky things in my life, how will I be happy? How do you kick it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
He's great. You guys would definitely bro down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
He's great. Go do his show.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
And you two, with your personalities, I think, right? Can't you see the two of them? Yes. Yeah. You'd like him very much.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Come back when you're 120.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Fucking Brian. Yeah, it's fucking guys out of his goddamn mind. Okay. All right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
The banking industry.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's how showbiz runs. Are you a good person?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
They control it all.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Hell yeah, dude. I just wish they'd take their dicks out and start jacking each other right there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Everybody's dick is so hard right there, huh?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Of course Jews control the weather and the aliens.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I know. Is this the Edith Bojitski school? This is how my mother talks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You didn't know that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
That's right, and now we use it for YMH Studios.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Well, the problem is they're not doing their own research.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
You got to get online and do your own research, dummy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
testosterone this guy is that what makes their faces red yeah the teeth so flush yeah yeah it's so high level in him you're like this is not a natural skin his whole thing is like be fucking jacked if you want to work for me you gotta be jacked oh yeah i've seen those videos that's if you work here we played those guys i love it i love it but i have to say i prefer this to like the sensitive ponytail guy vibe who lies to women and is like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I've never received a blowjob to completion.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
I prefer this because it's masculine. I'm into this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803
Yes, they're overcompensating.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Alaska, Idaho, and Montana, get ready. My Come Together Tour is coming your way this week. Thursday, April 24th, I'll be at the Sullivan Arena in Anchorage, Alaska. Saturday, April 26th, I'll be at Idaho Falls at the Mountain America Center. And then Sunday, April 27th, I'll see you at First Interstate Arena at Metropark in Billings, Montana. Get tickets now at tomscura.com slash tour. Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
There you go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You couldn't have done something that bad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Ghost crew, you know what I'm saying? God, ghost crew. Yeah, they always gave us bangers, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You tweeted the N-word?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It's definitely your last day here, bro. Fuck. I'm so fucked. Yeah, you definitely got to pack up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Maybe, you know, Cholo stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Well, damn, that definitely got everybody on the social media team into a meeting that day. For sure. They're like, everybody go to the conference room real quick. We have something we need to discuss.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
For Lynn and Madison.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, check this out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Watch this bullshit. Scott Welsh, he did a Muppet-style spinoff where he takes podcast clips and he posts them. He put this one out the other day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Dennis, does he, where's his stuff? Is he in?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
The main thing is that you're getting all the benefits of an eating disorder. Yeah. You know, without all the health complications. It's good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And also we love the Muppets.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
He was the magic. Sometimes you can't duplicate it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
There you go. Stop looking gay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Smoke like an adult.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It was so fun the other day. We were talking about babies with the boys. Yeah. And they were like, why do you give a baby? I go, well, babies love spicy sausage. So if you ever have a baby, you give them real spicy sausages. And then you give them cigarettes and tequila. And they were laughing so hard. They're like, to a baby? I was like, yeah, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Babies love to smoke, drink, and eat spicy foods. And they were like, ah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, they know. They know they're putting it together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I was like, no, man. Not a thing. So much fun. Trying to make a baby strong, you make a baby smoke. So fun. So fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You have to spend the night at the restaurant. And they're like, is that true? And I go, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
He was so drunk. He was hammered. And they had like some guys with him who were so put together and they were like, well, Dennis has his own challenges. He means well. They were like, this guy's fucking out of his mind.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That's definitely weird, and it definitely brings about a great segue.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
There are some out there checking out just children's entertainment.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
The LA Times put out an article that they discovered that fake Down syndrome influencers are being created with AI. They're being used to promote OnlyFans content.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Isn't this insane? I've been waiting for this. We were talking about, like, what's going on? Like, how are all these Downs people just being like, you want to fuck? It's so great. Here's what it says. A disturbing trend has emerged in which artificial intelligence is being used to create fake Instagram influencers with Down syndrome to promote adult content.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
According to a report from 404 Media, this practice often involves stealing content from real creators and replacing their faces with AI-generated ones. These fabricated personas are then used to sell explicit content, exploiting the fetishization of disabilities. One of the most notable AI-generated influencers is at Maria Dopari. Can you pull up hers? Is her Instagram still there?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Nope.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
So it's not. Oh, it's not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It is down. So she got, I mean, the LA Times article.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
This was her. These accounts typically recycle content using, reusing videos, bios, and linking to the same adult content platform. While many of the AI generated faces appear convincing at first glance, subtle distortions and inconsistencies often reveal their artificial nature.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And then it says, some of these AI personas explicitly reference their appearance in relation to adult content, even using phrases like only down as part of their marketing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
So that's the answer to this. When we were like, what's going on with Down's adult content? It's AI generated.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Well, this is a perfect chance to segue into one of Annie's inner thoughts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah. And for Kim Jong-un, Kim Jong-un loves NBA basketball. So they went there on like a humanitarian trip. And I think they were all retired former players and they played like the North Korean national team. And I believe they lost.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I would say I've watched all of his content. And he definitely purports to be still active in the player community.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Still has a lot of wisdom. A lot of wisdom to share, okay?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
So it's a really interesting point that he's making, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
So what he's saying is like some girls are saying specifically like, oh, I don't give head.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Right. And he's saying, no, bitch, it's all on the menu. The menu is the menu, meaning you do do it all. Don't give me this shit. I only do this and that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
If I want this, this is what you're doing. If you're not participating in this section of the menu, then you're fucking full of shit. Get out of here. So you do give head, period.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, yeah. But everyone was kind of like, yeah, it's fine. Go ahead and lose.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Like, don't. Don't embarrass them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
No, he's just saying like, I want head. If your point of view is that's not really something I'm into, he's like, get the fuck out of here. That's not an option to say that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, he was ripped that whole trip. Yeah, he was ripped.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
The shades are an interesting choice for these videos.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I like seeing the ring light in them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah. I don't think we've ever seen that. He prioritizes video quality and audio.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
He's not a mess.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It's pretty cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It is pretty cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
The clip. Oh, the clip that you've been talking about. Okay, here we go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
The breathing is menacing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I understand.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Well, it'd be a lot easier to watch if it was a female's, you know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
No, well, I don't know if it's gay things bother me. It's just that I go like, ugh. I always think of like anytime I see a man's foot, period, like even in flip-flops, I'm just always like, ugh. Like I just have kind of disdain for men's feet. But I understand that like he's gay, so there wouldn't be the same level of disdain. But I just, I can't. I can't dismiss my own disdain for a man's foot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Maybe some blood is in there too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
So much sweat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Oh, this guy's in heaven. That part I understand how sweet this is to him. Yeah. I get it on that level. Sure. It's the source of it for me that I'm like, oof.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Like if this was a guy who was like, oh, I got this from a female volleyball player. Even then I'd be like, it's different.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
He hit up somebody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I don't think there's a going rate. I think this guy just hit somebody up and was like, hey, man, what would it take? And that guy was probably like, give me a grand or something, you know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You don't usually come in and go, I can't wait to show you this thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I know, which is also upsetting as the player.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, you never, like, every time you put it on, you're like, this sock is, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Help. Pricing a sock sale. Okay. He wants me to wear socks and shoes 10 days in a row. Says he likes them very dirty. How much would you charge? I sell usually $10 per day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I might be underselling. I'm new in the foot market, but 10 days seems like it should be really expensive. I just can't come up with a number that's fair to me. So this is somebody asking. 200 sounds reasonable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I think you need to take into consideration what brand you are wearing and what else is being provided with the sale. One of my friends does the socks fetish and her starting price for 24 hours of wear is $45. There you go. If you want them worn longer, then it's $10 a day if she provides pictures or a clip that's also extra.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I think when it comes to used items, Reddit gives you a false idea of what you can sell. I do the sneaker fetish. And once I wear them, I wince every time I see someone try and sell their sneakers for $50. Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Well, it looks like there's a big debate going on on what the price should be. But I understand that. How do you price it? That's a big deal.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
No, I don't think he did.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That's really what you're paying for it. You're like, all right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
No, I'm saying you're being compensated for your own discomfort at that point. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Well, this was really cool. I appreciate it. I've been just like... And your friends have been sharing this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That's really cool, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
The history of olfactophilia has been present for a considerable amount of time in years. The used socks fetish has been derived as a subset of this. In 94, a study was conducted which found that 45% of people were... The foot fetish are interested in smelly socks. This shows that there is a common interest between olfactophilia and foot fetishism. Can you make money? Yes. How much?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
As mentioned above, socks can sell up for $60 and more. Obviously, it depends on a few factors, such as activities performed in them, duration, and wear of also material. There's a bunch of, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It is an incredible country.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You've got to start selling this stuff, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That's the site. Wow. It's a trusted marketplace, safe and anonymous.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Over 1.5 million users and growing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Well, I think... Gentlemen, if you wouldn't mind setting up an account and maybe getting some stuff for us to explore what's going on in this space. And have everything approved by me first. Send me what you're thinking of and then I'll...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
tell you whether or not to bid on it all right let's and do that today jello let's transition to another you called him cholo cholo yes um what is up with you you're gonna have a stroke why am i gonna have a stroke you keep mispronouncing words i was just so sexually aroused i kind of just stuttered um speaking of getting my dick hard what's happening She's showing you those neck veins.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Look at that. The traps.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
But we have different people that like different things here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Those veins are awesome, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
She's so vascular. You don't like that at all?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Well, it's a whole lane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Muscle mama. She's 180 pounds, bodybuilding adult model. Yeah. Neck vein lover. Isn't that crazy? That's a whole other lane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Guys are cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
To think that that's really, I never even thought of that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Some people go, oh, neck veins are my, like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
This is just showing that neck vein.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And that's making some guy JSD right now. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
So do I, but I'm just saying that this is obviously popular. I like seeing that neck pain, baby.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Really?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
So Gayle King, Lauren Sanchez.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
What about Lauren?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Jeff Bezos' sweetheart.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That's a factor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
There they are.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Those are the broads in space right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And I liked that. They called it a space crew.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
a tight bodysuit and that that's the accomplishment yeah you're just a passenger yeah it's not and you didn't build the spaceship you're not an engineer no of course you didn't do anything you're just gonna sit and go for a ride yeah yeah that's hilarious you know i honestly think every time we point out people's i love that i saw a thing i'm a woman that makes it worse sanchez yeah she's wearing um like high heels yeah and she had her zipper open for most of the promos for this i
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I'm just going to play our opening clip, but we'll get to your exciting clip soon. Okay. All right. All right. Hold on a second now. Hold on a second now. All right. And here's your opening. Here you go. I don't want to fuck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
She's so about just looking hot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That's all they are, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I really like that this is a diverse group of women.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Because Lauren is Latin. Yeah. Katie's white. I see an Asian lady, two black ladies. It really, I'm just like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That's so fucking, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Nope. It's really fucked up. This is so fucked up. It is fucked up, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Women supporting women. All right. Should we take a quick break? Yeah. Yeah. Take a quick break and we'll be right back. Sell your socks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You can catch our next guest on the Growth Spurt Tour right now, or you can see his most recent special, Starfish, available on YouTube. Go to bradwilliamscomedy.com for tickets. It's Brad Williams, everybody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Let's go. I'm not tired. Thanks for coming in. Of course. Congratulations. How many specials is that now for you?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
People always ask that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, I know, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
No, I mean, and then there's the person who's like, I was just trying to help you out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I made it more interesting when I yelled.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
My story was amazing. I went out to do this gig at a casino. Yeah. It was a pretty big one. Somewhere in like, I don't, like central California.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It was a big room. Yeah. And I drove out there with Jay Larson. Yes. So it was the three of us and we get out there and the, the, the, the contact at this venue is,
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
was like who are you guys and we're like oh we're two of the comics he's like this is brad's show good i told her to say that what a dick we were like wait what do you mean yeah it's the three of us were booked and he was like well i mean you guys are not really like who people are here to see you know and we were like okay and then he was like so all right let's figure out how we're gonna do this
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
All right. He goes like, Brad's obviously last. So he was like, which one of you guys will go? We were like, I don't know. And he was like, Brad, how do you want it to go? We were like, hey, man, like we are comedians.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And he was like, yeah, but I mean, wait till you see what he does. You're not going to compare to that. And he was straight up like, you guys ain't shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
My, how times have changed. Oh, no. He was... We were like, all right, man. So then he gave us our assignments. He was like, you do 10, you do 15. Is that cool with you, Brad? And then Brad was like, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I've had a great one like that in Vegas, too, which the guy was like, do you even do you even know who this other guy like this other comic and i was like no he was like yeah he's he is he is a headliner i was like bro i got booked to close this show he's like there's no way you could follow that guy like the guy i was like So was this the booker, the security guard? Who is this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
This guy just would like sit in his suit at this Vegas. By the way, he ended up like allowing us to trade, me and this other guy. And it was, everything was fine. I was like, yeah, out of your mind. It's great. But at Brad's show, he was right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Me and Jay did fine. We were like, it was fine. And then Brad went up there and just fucking denied it. And then that guy was like, you see why?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Fuck yeah, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
What happened?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Fuck, man. Yeah. So many bad things can happen. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I had a good bit about that many years ago. Yeah. The thing is, I progressed from, I used to call you guys little N-words. So...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
me it was like oh i think it was a tell and if it's not a tell oh he he yes it was yes it was floor n words yes yes that is such a good yeah and that's just like i can't beat that no i can never beat i saw him do that live uh in 2011 i still remember yeah at the las vegas uh they were doing a comedy festival okay and that's where he dropped that and i was like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
He's the best.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
The world is not designed for either of you. Yes. So both of you are adapting in different extremes. Yes. For a world that goes, no, no, we made it for everybody else.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Ball. He drives.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah. Oh, that's cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
What's that? Because I realized I was in this situation that you have to find yourself in all the time, which is I was at a NBA game and I was on the floor talking to people and two guys that were both like six, nine, seven- were having conversation above me. Yes. And I was like, this is so insane. Yes. And I was like, hello. And they were like, they were here being like, yeah, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And they just talked to each other up here. And I was like, so you have to experience that. Oh, it's like, yo, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I did Shaq's podcast and I was like, what's something that is so lame to you? He's like, water bottles. They're so small.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Dude, I brought this up on a podcast once. Yeah. I'm making just like a general observation about imagine being this big and not having the athleticism and not realizing that it would resonate with some people who were like, yeah, man, this is...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
This guy was the five foot tall dude who lost his shit in a bagel store for being made fun of for his height. And it went viral. He became, I guess that's why he has a promoter. So I like that. He's like, you want to fuck? Hit up my promoter. Tell him you're from Suffolk County, preferably.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Wait, so who?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You're saying LPs weren't cast. Was somebody else cast for this job?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
CGI.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Let's get high and let's fuck. Yeah. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Let's go. I feel like that era is over. I don't think anyone would do that now. Yeah. Even if you went on with that, they would be like, yeah, we don't really want to. We don't want to deal with that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, I guess he's like, I don't want someone to hit me up that's far from here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It would have been cool for the actors to get.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Because Peter probably started with dwarf roles, I'm sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, like the bagel shop. I don't know if I can bring this in.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
In the role of a lifetime.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, I played it for McConaughey when he was here. Yeah. I played the trailer. He said he'd never seen it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
This is absolute chaos.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah. Oh, here's when I showed it to McConaughey.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And he was like, I've never seen this. One of the craziest things that I've ever seen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I'm his brother. We're twins.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I've shown that to so many people and they're like, when the fuck did Esmael do this? I'm like, no, this is real, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You take roles. You have to earn the ability to be like, yeah, I don't do those roles.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
When you were a growing, developing young man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Did it really? So there was a lot of ladies who were like, I want to try this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
women would come up to me after shows and be like this is happening seriously like this is this is happening tonight and i'd be like okay i always wanted to do that yeah were you finding a lot of repeat people or was it just like this is like a dream i've always wanted to try
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Well, we were at a gay bar last week, and I can say that they had a fetish for your husband as well.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Don't we all? I mean, you are a bear. One guy was like, oh, yeah, you're definitely a bottom. I was like, excuse me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Excuse me. Yeah, don't get me wrong. He goes, you're so innocent. I go, I don't think you know what you're saying. Has he listened to the podcast? I was like, jeez. He was pretty drunk. Yeah. I was like, okay, buddy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Oh, shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
But damn, I could have been gay. It was very flattering.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You were like, oh, these are... Because you don't hear... Women don't shower you with compliments. Right. So, like, I mean, I've been out and, you know, you... Whatever. You might sense that, like, somebody looks at you and they go, oh, that person is giving me a look. But these guys were straight up like, yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You want to hear great job, here's a blowjob. Yeah. It's on the menu, bitch. The menu is the menu.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I get it. Also, I feel like as men, you kind of go like, yeah, of course, your mother is like, I like it. I like when they obviously give me affection too, but I think you feel like, oh, it's really good and healthy that your kid goes, mom is everything. Yeah, definitely. Don't get me wrong. But I love the compliments. I do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah. Well, they were there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Is the same guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Is it Ivanka? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Ivana was the mom. I thought Ivanka was the mom and Ivana is the daughter.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I'm pretty sure Ivanka is the... No, it's Ivanka.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I mean, her birth name is Ivana.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
But yeah, that was one of those.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
A tiger would always beat a lion in a fight.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Really? Yeah, but I understand what you're saying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You know that lions don't live in the jungle?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It's a misnomer. It doesn't apply.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I think he probably should have just been like, hit me up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I don't know if we need a middleman.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Sometimes the internet wins. Listen, you would need a pride to defeat a tiger, okay?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You just don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I go, without a doubt, it's Tiger. The book says Lion. And I just said, we should never play this game again because this is nonsense.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Then I pulled up. He's crazy. I did a bunch of research, and I did screen grabs, and I showed it to my son.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
No. Not a bit? I was so fired up about it. Not a project in high school? I was so fired up about it. I knew about... What? Listen, the tiger is bigger. Listen, the tiger is bigger. Well, size doesn't matter. It weighs more. They hunt alone. They are more agile. They jump higher. It is a more ferocious solo cat. And the idea that all things being equal, the lion would win is absurd.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I will never accept it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Listen to me right now. Josh Zolo, I want you to book a big cat expert to come in here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I don't think I'll pay for it, but I think this Middle Eastern guy might. Yes. They do it for fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And watch big cats fight.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And which I would sign up for if that were somebody else.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Very true. Yeah, the South don't give a shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
All right, I'm going to show you these clips. You tell me if it's horrible or hilarious.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
They're used to more chaos.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That's the thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I've got to say, kudos to the cameraman. This is how you want to watch a disaster happen. With real clear composition.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Nope. Guy in a stove. Oh, it's a delivery? All right. It's a delivery. This guy's like, you pick it up. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It was crazy that though, I forgot that in the bagel shop, this other guy attacked him, like jumped on him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Oh!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah. So that was real pain. That was... That... I have to give huge credit. When you get a scream like that, it automatically becomes hilarious. I don't know. Like, if it's a great scream...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Probably. Probably. I think they were talking shit about how angry he was in general and everyone was like, just get your fucking bagel. And he brought up like, obviously like real things like I get made fun of and people are always snickering and saying these things about me. And then he got in people's faces and one of them was like, I'll fucking take you down, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
He's not strapped into anything. He's going to come down. He's going to come down. I don't see it. This is going to hurt. Is he free climbing? Oh, Jesus Christ. He's solo climbing? He's way up there now, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That was really loud. He's totally knocked out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Oh, yeah, let's see how he did. Let's see what it says here. He was 22 years old. He was practicing for a feet climb. 50 feet he fell. That's dead, right? He never hooked into the fall delay system. You're dead. We just saw a man die. He sustained a major concussion but was conscious and was treated by firemen EMTs. He made a slow full recovery. Wow. What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
The gym is now under investigation for not properly making sure their customers are taking safety measures. Duh. Yeah. This was in Poland. Of course. In Poland. Yeah. He's 22. Young guy, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Done. Here's one more for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
This could go poorly. I don't even know what we're setting up here, but I feel like it's not going to go well.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
A seatbelt would have. Yeah. That was. Tips over.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Pretty crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Wow. Full rotation. That's pretty awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And then he flew. No offense. You would have flipped, like, three times.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
There's definitely a girl out there for him somewhere. I know there is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It would be insane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
All right, Christina, you want to show them a few?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
There's no way that could beat a tiger. That's a mountain lion.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I have.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I don't know if he does. I think it might be look like. Is that Tyson Fury? He's enjoying it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Look at the size of the paws.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
There's one dude that he had people clearly at his palace. Yeah. And then he just released his tiger into the swimming pool. They were all in the pool and they all were like, they all start freaking out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
that's what I have to worry about is walking down the street like someone mistaken me for a small rodent and then there goes Brad and then that's not by the way that'd be a hilarious way to go hilarious death if a hawk just picked you up oh yeah these guys are all like hanging out like hey it's a pool party it's fun and then homeboy's like oh I got a fun thing to do pose for the pool party and here comes the tiger
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That sounds like a goddamn engine start.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
So crazy. I would never swim faster. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I like that it's hashtag Arab hashtag prank. Hashtag Arab pranks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Freaking out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I think we're good. I think we can see what else is out there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
That sounds like an AMG engine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It could be wrong. It is a good name for a band.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
They're not... That's going to get some... You're in the crosshairs now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
If you listen to the way an AMG starts, it's very similar.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And then there has to be dwarves that are into adult baby play. God willing. And they're the gods.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You don't have to do this fucking stupid shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You don't think that's real?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
These are just sound effects?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, it's really awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Why?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Oh, my goodness.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I think he was like, I know what you did on this date and I'm good right now. I don't need to hear it. I don't want to hear it. It wasn't, by the way, it wasn't the food that he didn't want to hear about. Yes. He was like, you can tell me what you ate anytime.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
There's no... She doesn't seem to be pushing hard, but maybe she's just got a talent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Thank God we have this open poly mindset. We've got kids, these two, by the way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It's the kind of guy you see at like the Don't Let the Pigeon kind of musical.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You know my first thought of when I saw this person doing this? I just think of the parents being like, fuck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
I say this to my mother all the time. Whenever she's like, well, I can't help being who I am. I go, yes, you can and you should. Don't say the thing that you think you can't say. You can not say it. You could just not. This should be your new mantra. I'm going to not be myself. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
We would love to hear from you. This is Mila. The Instagram is thefartworldofficial. She's one of the fart models there. Mila's part of Fart World, which is an OnlyFans account with over 150 models on their channel. Fart World charges $14.95 a month to watch all the models fart. It's great. We are challenging whether or not these are authentic farts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, you don't have to share all your thoughts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And you definitely don't have to make videos about it. Definitely don't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You don't have to share it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
The dwarf said something. Let's check in. Somebody also tried to shame me about that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Somebody was like, your silence on Israel and Palestine speaks volumes. I'm like, good. Great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Jokes about how their balls smell need to weigh in on this conflict? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, this is nonsense. This is total nonsense.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
We're not building everything for absolutely everyone. I mean, with this person, we've done it before and people get upset, but the truth is, it's kind of what you said. This person just needs to be shamed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You should be shamed for being this size. And, you know, like what she needs to do is just go to a camp and drop.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
To everybody at the Fart World official and to Mila, you're being doubted. I don't know if there's any way you could prove that you're actually farting like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And then there should be a thing on the other side of that where it goes, this is how much more you're going to pay over. You know what I mean? Like you get a surcharge. If you can't fit through those, you go to the next one. They're like, all right, now you're going to pay 10% more and then 20% more. And then that heifer in the airplane, they're like, you're going to pay triple the price.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
and fries don't be wrong I love Waffle House I need to stop going there because it's too good but yeah alright we have to wrap up if you want to see Brad and you should on tour go to bradwilliamscomedy.com if you want to see his latest special it's called Starfish it's available now on YouTube can I plug one more thing of course I just came out with a hot sauce
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You will sit on Eni's lap, and you will fart, and we'll just see how it goes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Thank you very much for coming in.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Congratulations on everything. Thank you, guys. And we'll see you guys next week.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Bye, fellow Americans. There's one mystery we have not yet solved in this country, and that is where all the cum is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
It's 10 in the morning. Come on, Eni.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
To watch all these models fart?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Well, that's what we don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You would go to Fart World?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah, this guy's probably doing a similar thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You don't want to join his OnlyFans?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
You don't want to pay his black slang? He's going to get his.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Whatever, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Okay. Well, a fun transition is KTLA. Did you see what KTLA put out?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
KTLA, which was your local news for most of your life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
They just, a couple days ago, just out of nowhere, sent out a tweet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
And you know what the tweet said?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Yeah. Wow. They just put that out and they called it a technical error. They accidentally posted the N word from a news, a news station was just like, here's our thought today. Oh my God. Yeah. And that's all that it was. And then they had to, follow up and just said, we experienced a technical error while adding language filters to our...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
what is it, to our social media accounts resulting in an offensive word being accidentally shared. We are appalled and apologize that this occurred. It feels like somebody just tweeted it, but not that they were like, oh, we were updating our filters and then this happened. But yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
So they meant to add the N-word to its list of muted words, but accidentally posted it instead.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
Like, here's something we shouldn't say. Let's just post it to our several hundred thousand followers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807
KTLA's great, but KTLA, you can't just tweet the N-word.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I can see it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I love it. And this one? You did that? She did that. Get out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
The same guy?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
But it's a good story. Thank you. I'm working. It's so weird.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Just so you know. I don't even know how to navigate.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't understand. Why a simple math?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah, so it's like... I'm going to stand in my kitchen and say, these are my dogs. Hey, pull the mic down a little bit. These are my dogs. This is the door that take my dogs out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What do you mean? I can say it. I just say it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I didn't realize you guys are talking like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I'm going to start rehearsing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What do you wish me to do?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Ay, son dos globos. In a minute, they're going to put a needle there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That is true. I can do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Did you see how low in esteem I would be of myself? No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You are degrading me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why do you keep moving it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, I want my secret fart. Okay. I don't remember what I have to say. Okay, but hold on. But, like, look. She's just. Ow. Ow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And I want to make... Look.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah. You think I just can't believe how disrespect in your life you have for me to ask me if I want money? Why don't I then become a prostitute when I was a kid?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I'm not going to. Or... But what is your respect? Okay, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, but stupid ideas. We're just brainstorming. It's just brainstorming session. We're just brainstorming. Yeah. This is a strategy session. So this is...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
One.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You say the things that I can do if I fart. Okay, here's about this. You cannot give me permission. You can do it. You can do it. No. No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Am I allowed to answer?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
The last thing in your life that you should ask your mother is that she would like to be that low. I just said to say good morning. But she cannot be a prostitute because she's too old.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Then she's going to fart.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
By the same amount of money.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Then what am I going to come up with those words?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, my God. Where do I start? The fact that just being here close to you guys and be able to see each other every weekend, it's just glorious. I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You have done that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I can't believe you asked me that question.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I was having a high impression of you, to be honest. I don't understand.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Those are the things that put you to sleep or that excite you. Because now that we don't have it, you know, if you're a man and woman, it is the day, the thing. Yeah, because that's how it is now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah, that's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
So you pay me $20,000?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah, please.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
To say good morning, America? That's what they want.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
For saying good morning, they pay me $20,000. I can even change sex and names every other week so I can make more. So good morning America, I'm one person. Good morning America, I'm a different person. And then I pretend that I have lechon in my mouth.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What's lechon in my mouth? It's a language, I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
For 20,000 dollars. What else can I say besides good morning, America?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, that would be true. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That's horrible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I said I wasn't close.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Are you okay?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Is that what you're laughing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Careful with the mug on the thing. Okay, okay, okay. So, um... Yeah, friendly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I thought me. Hold on. No, I won't do it for $40,000. Why should I watch this? You don't even know what it was. I saw the beginning. If only Pedro was going to come. No. I still am not interested.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What does it have to do with me being interested to see how the Pedro comes?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Does he make money for doing that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No. No, he just puts videos out. I don't think he can figure out how to do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't envy him. If you're going to make me do such a disgusting thing for a million dollars, I pass.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
So I go from hilarious to not funny at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Might be twins. Not really in between.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't understand you. You're asking me if this is funny or not funny? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so hold on. Your brain is not working. Hi, Tommy. Oh, he has to hit the bike again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, horrible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Ay, ay, ay, ay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
He's not responsible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Absolutely horrendous. Yeah, that was bad. That was really bad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I forgot. What is it that we're watching?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Would you consider going to a psychologist? No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Let's make sure. I don't like writing them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
How can you ask me if it's horrible or funny?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That's true. This is hilarious. Look how hateful that horse is. I know. It's very hateful. They're so spiteful and shitty. If I was married, I would be scared to watch this. I'd say, well, you know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That means it's horrible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't see anything funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why the poor lady? Why the poor lady volunteer?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I'm not going to talk like Hawaii. I have to talk about the cruise.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Is this a commercial?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I told you, don't bring your mother to talk about it. No, that's not even funny. But it's an advertisement. I don't care. Then do it with your mother.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I'm going to get a piece of shit for you. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You can say a little bit, then let me talk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, no, no, no, no. Don't go that low. I have to do it. No, no, no, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, I'm not your mother anymore. You're going to start talking like that, Tommy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Your kids are listening to this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It's not just liquid. Don't record it. Don't record it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I know. I am not taking it. But that's how you do it. You don't talk like that in front of me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Christina, you shouldn't let him do this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
This is our sponsor. No. What sponsor is this? Dpill. BP? Yes. It's for diarrhea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Tommy, Tommy, no, wait a minute. How about my Christina? I need the money. Do I think this is hilarious?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No? I told you you are my son.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't see that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
They knock him as in.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, I didn't either.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Well, they're all laughing. See? I think that people have mental problems in this world now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Somebody has to clap, no? No reaction?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why did you hire these people?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Can you cancel them?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't get it. What did they, how did they mislead us?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Thank you. How did they, how did they, how did they don't let me make it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why don't you drink that one? I am going to drink this while she brings me the other one. Sure, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, I'm not. I'm just saying it and they're hearing us.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No. It's our opening song.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You know, we can't be the same person. You think that you two are hilarious?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah, but that makes you... You have a good sense of humor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
don't laugh at things like i'm a superior laugher i have a higher that is true sensibility for it that's true if you laugh even we don't know what he's laughing about we are on laughing we're all laughing all laughing yeah yeah um but also i mean that's just how i think everybody thinks about themselves right right everybody we all think the way i'm thinking yeah i'm lost now they're the smartest i'm looking at this this is a guy in this key why in the world are we talking about parties and
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay, because this is not funny. This is not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Not him, the song. Ah, que demonita. Which one? Oh, he's here. No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I told me. This is funny for you. We're not laughing. This is terrifying. In a helicopter?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why do you waste your time in doing things that don't make any sense? Why is it funny about this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah, I mean, I am worst. He put me there, he don't come back.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I have to tell you one thing. It bothers me to think that they put the people upside down in this, right? Yeah. And it's supposed to be funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I did a lot less, and I was only 50 years younger. No kidding.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah. I'm scared. Well.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
We have reasons after you are a mother and a wife of not exactly the easiest husband.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Not only acknowledging, I admire you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I truly admire you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I think... I think you should go to a psychiatrist.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Let me tell you the things that I think ones are really positive, some are negative. What do you want first?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay. Extremely generous. Very generous. I mean, in general, great friend. Yes. Excellence. Very strong. No, it's excellence. You are his wife, but he's no excellent wife, he's excellent husband. Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why are you here?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I'm talking to Cristina, Tommy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You know, all of a sudden, I got the impression that either you and I were dead and he show up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You forgot he was here? I was like this. It's you and me talking. I'm very engaging.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You're so dynamic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Well, if it's better, it means bad. Yeah, what could I be? If it's bad, it's not called quality for some.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes, negative. Characteristic. Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay, I honestly don't have any idea what was the question. Hello?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
To review to see if you're... I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
This is for men. I am part of the audience.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That's the worst part.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
We're just trying to learn.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, yeah. You don't know what's wrong. What's going on? He's not doing anything bad. No, that is lack of respect for me. Okay, okay. Skip this stupid thing. Skip that? Okay. No, I really don't like it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Is this... Are you testing me if I'm stupid?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, no, we're just, we're not supposed to talk during that whole time. But, okay, let's get into it. First of all, did you like that clip? No, you did not like it. I don't remember the clip.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And the kids are so stupid that they accept it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Do you think this is bad? Christina, the world is sending and we are like in the taps when the, you know, when COVID started. Yeah. For the people in China, we watch it like an event that police people. Yeah. Now we have everything happening in here, between the fires and the floods and the earthquakes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Completely. I know it by a hundred people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I remember.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And it was you. You could read you. It was gorgeous. The house was absolutely gorgeous. I agree. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It's a memory that you have with you. That's all.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, I pray for these people and for all these events. You know what scares me really? I really feel this is not funny that we're coming to the end of the world. You feel like that, really? I swear I feel like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Tommy, thinking all the things that are happening in the world. We have an earthquake and it was in Japan.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
But you guys don't watch the news?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
TikTok. Well, I'm too wrapped up in L.A. The last five days I've been glued. No, no. This was 7.9, I think, in Japan. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What? No. You don't think he's cute? I think he's really cute. Yeah, he kind of looks like me. A little bit. Look to both of you. Christina. I think he's hot. Christina, you can have him. Okay, I don't know if Tommy is attracted to you because if you like that guy and you like Tommy, maybe with Tommy she sees similarities. I do, I do. I see similarities myself. Actually, you have the glasses.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay. Don't discuss me. Okay. But why do you disrespect me like this? We don't know what we're going to play. I don't know what this is. You don't say we have respect for my mother, so check it out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I want to see his face to see if he lies.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Look at me, please.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Hi, Tanner. Come closer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I think he's scared of me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You won't lose your job.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay, what is my question?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't know what he did.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, but don't fight him, but you should give him a warning.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
How dare you disrespect? Okay, you have a 30-day warning.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No. Oh, okay. Why would you fire him? Thanks, Charo. No, I would never do that to you. I appreciate you, Charo. Tell me, what is wrong with you?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why would I fire him? He's responsible. He works on the team, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I want to know first, why is it that we are firing him?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, my God. No, I'm not going to fire anyone. Oh, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
They caught 500 squirrels from the trees to make this jacket for her. This is not even. This is Texas squirrel. Okay, this is not even funny. Why?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I know. I am moving from the United States.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It's a huge problem.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I love squirrels.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why? They're such menaces. I don't know what you are, but they are not menaces. They are.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
So how do you want them to survive, huh?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
So you kill them for them to survive. You're brilliant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, here's the thing, though. Because this is not funny. It's not funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And the nose is spot on. Yes, and then you feel like you're so cool and you open the robe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yep. I still love them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Made out of squirrels?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
We got to get into this business. You have the worst mentality. Me? Tommy, you are becoming extremely materialistic. What? Why? I don't think so. He's already thinking that we can sell, that we can... Make jackets. Make jackets.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That's different. He's an environmentalist. He's a criminal. I mean... He wants to get rid of the... No, hombre.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, thanks. But you can bring me a squirrel. Look, it's holding a gun. I know. It's a Texan squirrel. It's a very funny story. He's trying to fight us. Wait, can we talk about the cruise?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I just don't see half of my head again. Can we talk about Hawaii? I still remember.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
A drink. I am not alcoholic. No, you're not. No, no. But I do remember that every time I come to the show, I look like an alcoholic because I watch five shows and look at... Nobody says that. Nobody says that. You guys are feeding me and feeding me to see this look honey. That's not honey.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Or are you faking?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That's not honey. No. What's not honey? Honey. The opposite of serious.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No. That's when I used to inflate you and put it back in there. I did it. I did it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And the place I lived longer since I got married was Vero. And Vero is a very small town. You know, you take my left and go straight to my church. I go out here, go to my right, drive another 10 minutes, and there's my bridge and the cemetery. So this is wonderful. But I want to tell you, you guys couldn't be more generous? more loving, more caring.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And I really feel like my family and I have moved because I went from one side of my family to the other one. And I never spent time with you guys. And you gave us not only a dream, but an impossible thing to have more of my age. Having this private, whatever you want to call it, even, it was so much love. It was, excuse me, You guys can make coffee, wine, and water. Which one should I choose?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Change you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Say thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't play for money. You pay to play?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes, it's a club. And everyone wants to play. You have to pay. And my club was $10 each time I got to play. I don't win anything. If I play really well, I might get half of a point. But since I lost my husband, which means three years ago, I was a decent player. Since then, well, I didn't play for over a year. But since then, I haven't even got a point. You don't practice it for a few years.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It's hard at my age. Everything is hard at my age.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
How old are you that you pretend that you're a baby? You're not a teenager.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay, I am going to be 78. No, excuse me. Estoy hablando 68.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Wait till you see me after this. I want to make it public. That he offered me to pay me to make the milk look like the 92. What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, it's not nickel and dime. Excuse me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, because I don't want to postpone it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
There's no quick fix.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
She didn't have time for me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
But no, there's no story. She told me she can do Botox, but it's only in two areas. I didn't ask her the reason. I suspected the age or whatever. And that she cannot do anything else because it's by appointment. So she did the bottle, which is kind of stupid, to be honest. I can't remember where.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't remember if she did it here or here. Probably her forehead. It was here. I remember now. That's the story. Wait a minute. You owe me a lot of money. and I want to make it public, and I want you to affirm. Not like one time, hey, I'm talking to you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Jesus, Joe Pescio. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Years ago. Oh, we're going to years ago. Well, I don't know, two years, a year and a half. Oh, my God. But we agree. I forgot that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I'm getting out. You don't talk to me. I am still your mother. So please respect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't laugh when I like. I only laugh when I'm smiling. No, ha, ha, ha, this is funny. That woman has two balloons hanging in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Impossible. They are. Okay, take her to lift the shirt.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Because nobody has two tetas in the shape of a balloon without the... Those are her tetas, Mom. Okay. Okay, that's it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You pay to watch your daughter?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I think we really are losing everything in this world. You think it's funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Everything you think is funny, as long as it's disgusting, it's filthy, it's insulting, it's funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You know what that tells you? What? That people are mean.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Nice public, whatever it's called.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Tommy, ¿qué es esto?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Por favor. That was awesome. That was amazing. Oh, you guys are really losing it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Wait, wait, wait. I don't know if you're serious. I'm totally serious. Okay, you have a really serious problem. I don't think we want to talk here because people can't hear us. What? Okay. Tommy, if you think... What was it that we just watched? I don't remember.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't remember. Can you hear it in your headphones? Can you hear the clip?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay. That's you. Right. Okay. What were you doing? Happy birthday. Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Thanks, love. Thanks, love.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, okay. Thanks, love.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't know. A bad British one?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Thank you. This is one of the stupidest things I've ever watched.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
This is your show, really? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That's amazing. You like that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Your son confused you with another woman. You think this is something to love?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You said you were in a place where you were with a woman that looked like you. And you both sat and started talking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay, I want to hear it again. I am not losing it. Maybe we should explain it through these videos.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Another one. Why don't we go back to the one... What did he say?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You guys are having more than serious problems.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't have any idea what are we talking about about the guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Saying happy birthday to somebody and you guys are laughing like, this is as dumb as you can go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, that's the whole thing? Yes. Oh, I can make my own show. That's what people love. You can.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And that's all I have to say for real? Yes. Say, hello, governor. No, that's not good morning. No, just say it. No, just say it. Hello, hello, governor. Hello. Hello, governor. Yeah. Governor. Governor. Hello, governor. Can you say, happy birthday. It's your birthday. It's your birthday. There you go. I mean, that's fantastic. That's perfect. How do you say in French? Whatever I'm saying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And then intentionally, Christina, no. Then he would go like, you know. But you were good. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I forgot what I'm saying. Bonjour, le governor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Bonjour. Bonjour. Good morning. Good morning.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah. Why do you have to screw up shows? Who is that guy there? That guy?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I want to keep him there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I will say it again. It's so retarded. I want to hear the accent. I have to pick it. Which one? Maybe Cristina should do it. The French or the British one? Bonjour, gouverneur. Neither one is. Bonjour. Ah, the French. Bonjour, gouverneur. Bonjour.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Gouverneur. Gouverneur. Oh, this is sexy. Look. Bonjour. And then, it is your birthday. Is that French? Yeah. It sounds like a French trying to speak in English.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, he was going extreme. In fact, he kept accelerating the more scared I got.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It is a French trying to speak in English. Ah, well, you didn't say that part, so that was my brain function. It is. The whole sentence.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It is your birthday.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Café latte.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Perfect. Are you going to pay me for saying that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
He's a part of the show. I'm going to go to Starbucks to sell him sugar.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay, okay. Don't talk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And then, I don't remember. And then what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What is it that she was supposed to say?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why do you laugh?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Bonjour, le gouverneur.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I lost it totally.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That sounds like, you know what? Hello, governor. It sounds like a farmer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why are you sounding British with low class? Because it's fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
There's a scale... There's a classic system.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Like in your stupid American. Yeah, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Your governor. That's why we like this kind of stuff. No, no, no. Stop that. What's happening? I don't want to talk about your governor because I don't care for any governor there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Who is? What are we talking about? I forget. Who is your governor? Because I don't know what I'm saying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What's happening? My governor is. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Don't ask my opinions about anything political. No, we're not getting into politics. No, I think we should stick away from that. I want to ask you a few questions. Okay. Have we talked about the cruise?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Did I thank you? No, wait a second.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't think it's fair and it's disrespectful when I'm talking and you throw me the... What is that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Well, I am talking. Yeah, I didn't... I'm not coming back. Why? I am talking and you throw me... That's when I am talking? No, it's just a thing here. You know what? I have water. I have a towel. I will.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I am talking. Oh, I didn't know you were talking. Go ahead. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't remember, but I know I was talking. I know, I know. I said, I have water. And then you said, well, as we were talking about it, and you just throw me out. I'm still the mother.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
All of you wouldn't be here. That's true. I mean, you would be here. I wouldn't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Happy birthday. Here we are talking, right? Yeah. Who is your governor? Is it still Senor Cruz? No, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Who was?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Senor Abbott. The same thing or no?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah, same thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What happened with Arnold Schwarzenegger? He was governor. It's been a while. He did a good job.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That's the question.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Wait a minute. Three things I want to talk. Uh-oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, no, no, no. This is extremely serious. The fires in California.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I mean, praying all over the world for this tragedy. It's very sad for people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Sorry about that. Stop pushing that. So I cannot talk about anything serious. No, you can. You can. He's being so disrespectful. That was completely uncalled for. Stop doing that. I'm sorry. Cut his salary and give it to the poor. Give it to the poor. It's a great idea. He knows. He's on board with that idea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
He doesn't know what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, OK. Well, you do the same.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I've done that as well. It's my birthday.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I want to talk. Say it again. You said you want to talk about the fires. One more time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And three million percent. Agree.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Doesn't that scare you enough? I used to know if there was another... You know what bothers me? You know how Catholic, devoted, unbeliever I am. So for me, when I talk about anything related... People that mic down some? Like who?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay. Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
no not up this is what i want to do no no put it down because it covers your face we don't want to cover your face we want it to be like this that would be a wish maker okay oh by the way you want to pay me for the beautiful future face oh my gosh yeah i really want to talk about something serious okay so the end of the world no no this is really serious this is really serious this is very serious i want to go over now who queers are you a governor who queers
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Delicioso. Un poquito frio, pero delicioso.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Who cares? Who cares?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What was the question?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Let me tell you one thing. This is extremely serious.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No. You don't know what I'm going to say. Okay. If we talk about religion, if you don't have extreme respect to my religion.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What's normal?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It is hot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I really made me cry.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
This means a lot to me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Then we're okay. And I know you think this is funny. I don't think it's funny. But I don't think anybody's taking it seriously. We start with the... The fires? No, not the vaccine. The vaccine?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Because of COVID.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
COVID was an indicator. The glaciers are melting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I mean, just go in order. No, you're right, and you're not wrong.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
How about that? Yes, you're right. The temperature in every place.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why do I hear people laughing when I'm saying this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What? She's like, speed it up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay, this part is not funny. It's not funny. One more time. I just don't know what's going on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
This is the last time I say it. I agree you keep doing it and you guys... No, it's them! Knock it off!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay. You have zero respect in this place. Who runs this place?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Well, obviously you don't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And Christina comes just as a guest to show how pretty she is or what? That's so rude. From Tommy or from the company?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You are the one who is doing it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
This is so dumb.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I want to talk about the real thing. It's a stupid story. No, I'm serious. Serious is what I'm going to say. Number one, you could not dream for any human being with billions and billions in total to have a better gift of this vacation with you guys. It was above and beyond any expectation in my short life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't want this anymore.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
We don't know what to do. I love the idea that you change the show.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Number one, I will clean up the act of the parts and stupid things. Maintain your class. You two are brilliant people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
So no farts. No, Christina, why is the point of the fart to make people laugh?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I am perfectly fine, thank you. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What is a belch?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, no, I don't have those things. They were gone.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
How do you make it better?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That would be a good way to improve your show. Get out of those filthy stuff. You can say, we will be back and put something funny. You know, like Mafalda. What is this? You make farts with claps?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That was a great movie. I just saw it not too long ago.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What does Notting Hill have to do with the kitchen?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I am always proud. Not when you talk so grotesque and disgusting. It's yucky. It's so low class. It is so low class. What do you like to be in between? Let me be the lowest or the highest? The highest. If it's not the highest, can you just be normal? To accept something grotesque and normal. Don't compliment that bitch. This is coming with me. Yeah. Yeah, what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Do you or don't you? But what is wrong with you? Why? Because you already asked me this around 25 times. But you don't want... You're telling me you don't admire me, Jack. By the way, on this... You know what? I don't care what you tell me. I think you told me a lot of things about the squirrels.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
But if you're going to make it 35 minutes every time what he thinks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Number one, when was I rude? You cut him off. You know what? Did I tell him I'm having my own show? You know that? You have what? I'm going to have my own show. Your own podcast. What is it going to be like? That thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I know, I'm thinking and making it amazing, but no, because you do something like that. What could it be about?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No farts. No farts? If I am not going to have followers, because I'm not disgusting, it doesn't make any sense that I have to show it. If I can make it clean funny... I'll be there. So if you like it, so this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah, and then in jail, you want me to do it like that? Well, that's not my fault.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Number one, I think I'm old, so I'm not as stupid as I was when I was 20. That's true. So you see, I want to do something. Yeah. I don't know. I just want the world to know you're not my son. You're actually adopted. Because I would never raise my kids to go on TV, to do all these disgusting things, and I think it's funny. You don't, and I know you don't, because I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It's a fear, you know what I'm saying? Who is this? What the fuck, you guys? Shut up, shut up, shut up. You know what I'm saying, you know what I'm saying?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What is this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Um... I want to start talking on TikTok. You are? You should. How do I do it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And I don't show it to me. Why? Because I don't think it's funny to be dumb. To be dumb? No. It's an accident. This is to help people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't have a clue. Maybe Turkish?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't know what it is. Okay. What? Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Or is that Arabic?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
This might be a good segment for your new show. Yes!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I could do that. I would have my follower for Love Connection. Okay. How do we call it? Because there is 50,000 gold. Como era? Love Connection. It's like... Wait, how many of these did they have? I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That's dumb.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You can die before us. Terminal connection. Be careful. You know, you think this is funny?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't think guys think it's funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Hey, I'm going to probably die before you. You start by laughing. We almost hit this when you were laughing. Okay. I'm not laughing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What are we talking about right now? Your show. My show? I have nothing to do with my show. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You want me to do stuff like that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't have any in my house. No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And then I find you to do it for me. No, this would be your... I'm not going to have a show about dumb things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Wait, can I tell you something? I think you guys, you know, you were going up, up, up in the race and don't know what else to do. Thinking and going better, you're starting like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Not to make my morning, but I will do it. Is this how you feel doing our show?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, my God. Why are you crying? It's just fun. I'm just so emotional.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, I don't want. You're talking about me doing this for a show?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, no, no, no. It's healthy rage. If I am desperate to make money and somebody tell me I'm this dumb but I make money, I'd be this dumb.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You could totally do this on your own, you just said.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, no, no. Why don't you start by that? That's so dumb. Okay. We're wasting time. No, no. All right. You made me talk about money for a leg day. Well, who's that? Tommy. That was you. I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You made this as a joke show? No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Look.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Look, she had a rock climbing accident. I'm going to have to change topics.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, my God. I can't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What do you mean, another coffee? One cup of coffee doesn't make me another coffee. Please? But for today?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Coffee on the way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, I don't want him to die. He's just too concerned. Die is not something you wish to anybody. How are they going to get him out? They can't cut the... Yeah, they cut. So thick. They stop and they cut it and then put him in jail and just leave him there. To try to pay for, what is it that he did?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
After the three I have at home?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What do you mean you don't do that? It's not the disease.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, wait a minute. Do you know what I just realized? I never talk about I want to talk. Oh, shit. That was pretty good. I have to throw it and absorb everything you talk to me. And when I ask you for 10 minutes of my time, I can't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Number one, did we talk about the cruise?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And did I thank you enough? Yeah, well, enough. I don't think enough. I don't think people understand the magnitude of the present. And it's not only... God knows how many million dollars you're spending doing this. But including us and giving us that love.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
But it's not good alcohol.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Who's that? I didn't say that. Who's that? How did you get that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Don't be retarded. And the worst part? Sounds like it's me. No. That's not you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Are you retarded? No, wait a minute. I might be retarded, but I'm not stupid. So yes, it's me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I had no, both pain steers is accomplished from my foot. God save the queen. Yeah. The word is fat and racist. ¿Qué cosa es eso, Cristina? Hello, Gavna. Hello, Gavna. ¿Por qué suena como si fuera mi voz? I don't know. What's up there, chomo?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You don't like it? Tata there, retard. Tata there, retard?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Psychedelics?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Well, then they have to pay me. I don't know. I might be retarded. Can I be retarded? I don't know. You can. Who's that guy upstairs that says I'm concerned?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't want him to die. Oh. I don't wish death to anybody. Make it clear. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I remember when we were in the... Microphone, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay. Forgive me, please. Hold on, hold on. No. Okay. Annie, you really need to take a shit. I know you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still have to shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Any you need to shed?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why would I talk about stuff like that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Who is this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Eni, the good-looking, the young one?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, good-looking, good-looking. But... I told you what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What did you say?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And you can tell me. I know you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still have to shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
So you're saying even though I'm black. No, this is not funny. Okay. I'm not taking this as funny. You guys are rude. I can't believe you make my words to become disgusting. No way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, but guess what? Guess what? I'm taking you to buy me something. This is Charo, the real mom at your mom's house. Kick back, call your nuts, and listen to this real ass new shit. That's not me, Tommy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
But what if I don't want to?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That really pisses me off. Me too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, the bottom is you don't get a bit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Honestly. You put the headphones on. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I want to talk about three things. Protect your neck, brother. No, no, this is serious. I know I will talk about the cruise. No, did I thank you enough?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What was the question?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It made me cry. I have never, in my wildest dreams, ever imagined a trip like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I was talking, you know, from picking us up to taking the most amazing, any human being, millionaire or billionaire could have. And I want to talk about the movie here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
The two of you have gone above and beyond. Not only inviting us. You bought a house. You lent it to us. And it's beautiful. And you're fixing everything. By the way, I need a washer and dryer and a dry cleaner. You know a washer and dryer doesn't work. I have to say it because it's... I don't know. I don't know. I think I forgot about the garbage. That's my fault.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No. I really have to urinate.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
To be honest, I don't see them do shit. I think the people are destroying their brains and with no purpose because definitely those stupid things don't work. No, they damage your brain. They damage your brain. And we are so stupid that we pay to damage our brain.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I was thanking you, Tommy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay. I'm not talking. I can't hear anything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, Tony. You're not going to interrupt me when I'm thinking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
We have two weeks of dirty clothes in the house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't have washer and dryer. I don't have a dishwasher.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, they didn't put a dishwasher. They took it out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
So I want to thank the audience for thanking my husband and his wonderful wife for donating us a washer and dryer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
And a dishwasher. However, I want to make sure that I never even talk about the fact about this house. Okay. Tommy and Christina were not knowing what they were getting, but they thought they were going to be excited to have us here. And they couldn't do any more than what they did. So we embarked on this trip with Jane. We took an RV with the dogs. And then from there, he took us on a cruise.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You said I already talked about it. Yeah, we definitely talked about it. We covered the cruise. Did I thank you enough? Yes. Did I tell any human being who has a dream in life to do this? I really should have to pee bad. No, we're about to wrap, so just stay here a second. Okay, I did that. Then I want to talk about the house. I know the house is Tommy's house and Christina's house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Of course it's true. You don't need to say it like that. Oh, sorry. Don't remember. Don't forget that it's my house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
No, you said it's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I don't pay a penny, so yes, you're right. That's what I wanted to say. No, I want to record this. I left a little house in Florida to come here, basically a mansion, that I have to get used to make orders, because so far I cannot tell you anything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
But you were so, so, so incredible, not only generous in buying the house and fixing anything that is not working, which told me, yes, grant us a washer and dryer and a dishwasher. You did?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
He's the most generous human being I know. No, no, you guys laugh whatever the word you use. Women are stupid. Excuse me? Tanner. Who did that, huh? I don't know. Tanner. How can you? You run this show. This is absolutely unacceptable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Well, if I do it once every three years and one time, it's fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I'll fire him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yes. I forgot to tell you. Where did you get those mattresses?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I like the mattress. I want to know if it has a box thing and then I complete my dream. I'm sure, I'm sure, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
So can I get it? Publicly, please? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, oh, my God. It's not the yes or no yet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Please.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I forgot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
A back spring.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
A back spring. Thank you for listening. From the same company. I got a mattress. Tell me the name.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah, you were great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Why am I unhappy? Because you hate them, Matt. Hey, you're not hearing? You have music.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Hobbiton?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
It's a song to close the show. Shh. Shh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
What do you mean on vacation? I wasn't taking anything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Step it up. You know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
If you're going to be a storyteller, don't talk that stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah? Yeah. Okay. What is she saying? I can't understand it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Today? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
A little dizzy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I think it's great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Okay, now I'm crying. Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I think you were going to say that. But to be honest, it reminds me that no matter your age, as long as there is love, everything is perfect. The age is not something that we are all going to have it and then every time, everyone has his time. But really, I don't remember.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
That's a good part of me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, now I know it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
I, as my kid says, I am a freak of nature.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
So instead of telling me we love you, I think you're a freak of nature. So when you die, do you mind if we send your brain to die too?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Oh, I thought I was showing something.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Ay, que pena.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
This is called a vulgar attitude, and I don't think that it's funny at all.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
You want respect on your show?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Well, then you earn it, you know. Your class, your words. It's too late for that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
How come I am at that age sitting here and moving to Texas? Why is there not going to be an age about...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
You finally figured me out. And I'm getting to the point now because we've got a tiny fridge. I keep food in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
The 10,000 pound man?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Well, that's me. There you go. There I go. That's my dream.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And you know what else I've done?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I keep a box of cereal in the room.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I can do whatever I want.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I wish I could park the car in there, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Just get in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
But by the way, so in case you didn't catch on what I did, I put a fucking water cooler In my room.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah, a full fucking, and it's got hot water so I can make tea now. So I don't even have to walk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I don't have to walk all the way to the kitchen, which is right next to our bedroom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I could just get from the bed. And then do that. And then that. Yeah, you're welcome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Hold on. You want to read this Pajitzki effect?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And by the way, I think it's pretty extraordinary.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Did you know that? Jack off and jerk off is from ejaculation.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
The etymology, I'm assuming. It sounds logical.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Now you know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
ejaculation yeah that's pretty cool man yeah that's really cool everybody what's everybody i can't believe john rocker yeah fuck yeah man he's queers i love it fucking what's everybody um but again i i have no problem with people saying what's in their heart i don't have to agree with it you can say whatever the fuck you want
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah. So many good drops in there. I forgot about the Orlando airport.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It's the power of television. Maybe your show will have an impact on society in the same way, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I don't know. Maybe Steven Seagal will start to lose weight.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's where your dad took a great shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It is crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Well, that's why I always say tits up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I know. He's enormous.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Well, I'm thinking that maybe the truth about a certain country singer might come to light, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
What if your depiction of that is 100% accurate?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That would be so crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I hope so. Well, let's not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, can I tell you about Diddy, though?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It's so funny. You guys, if you haven't watched it yet, you've got to see Tom doing Rex Henley. It's so good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Rex is real fun. So silly. Such a knucklehead. Can I tell you, so I've been paying attention to this P. Diddy trial. It is wild. So Cassie was his girlfriend for a decade, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
But he basically held her hostage as a sexual slave.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
So every week from basically 2007 to 2018, every week this woman had to participate in freak-offs that lasted between three and four days at a time. And here's an icky thing that just came out about it, which I think is fascinating. So he would have sex workers trafficked across state lines, which is now why it's a federal case.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
So the sex worker would begock on Cassie's body, and then they would go into another room, Diddy and Cassie, and then Cassie was instructed to rub the jizz on Diddy's nipples and torso. Wow. It's the most bizarro, specific. It's such a specific thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I mean, reptilian all the way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
There's a lot of piss. I guess people pissing in her mouth. And she had to be like, there's one instance where some sex worker was pissing full throttle in her mouth. And she's like, no, no, no, that's not how you do it. You got to do a slow drip. You can't just go full throttle in my mouth.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Well, just so you know, he was drugging people and also taking, the reason he took videos was to blackmail you into doing these. So he had videos of Cassie doing stuff and he would be like, I'm going to show your mom these videos unless you do them every week for 10 years. And then he basically was he'd buy her properties just like minutes away from his house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And then he would just show up randomly at these properties, like just let himself in. What are you doing, bitch? Like if she was out of his sight for like a few minutes, it would be like, where are you? What are you doing? What did it like? He was very controlling.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's right. You're an expert in this kind of with all the shows that you watch on this cool stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
You tell me what's going on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I like when he called them niblets, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, my God. And the coolest part, not the cool guy part, I mean, is that his children are sitting in the hearing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Niblets in my shorts. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah, rest in peace. Speaking of niblets, you and I both took dumps at the office together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And they're going to play the Freak Off tapes. And he's like, yeah, I want my kids here to support me. His daughter got up and stormed out, but his sons apparently are sticking around to watch the footage. I'm like, are you out of your mind?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Terrible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah. I heard Rob Eiler's doing the same caca stuff you have to do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Why would you want to? It's terrible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I feel like you should hire an employee to do it for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Tanner's hand shot up so fast.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Wait a minute. What about Tony John's? We didn't do the Tony John's.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Is that a message for us or for Lynn?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Well, this is a huge development.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, his OnlyFans. Well, can we check his OnlyFans? I guess he can't produce behind bars.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
See, that's the difference between you and me is that you go, I got it. I have to dump. And then let's let this sit for 30, 40 more minutes. Whereas me, I'm like, I better go sit down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
no yeah no it's just performing stacking checks yeah totally i'm a performer he's a performer that's what that's what i feel people are like are you upset when tom talks about you or you know does he scenes and i'm like no no checks go to the same bank account babe yep there you go i imagine she feels the same same way it's very true very true so he's in so is he how long is he in jail for do we know
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I know. Well, you know what? Maybe this new fiance will keep him on a straight path, straight and narrow. Maybe now that he's a married, honest man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Give him structure, give him purpose, maybe a family. I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Anyway, poor dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Can't wait. I don't know how you do it. Every night, it's just different, different, murder, horror.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, I see. You're just fantasizing, dreaming about the future.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
What more do we need to know about Bin Laden? Now it's going to be like Hitler. Every fucking few months, there's a new thing about Hitler.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
So what do we need to know about Bin Laden?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Hello. He was a big porn guy, you know. Of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Everybody likes, we're just humans. Of course. Yeah, so he had like so many wives. We know, circle on the face.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, you just remembered. Like, hey, okay. But you do have the capability to hold.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
There he is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Fucking guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
We're number one. I do remember the day they killed him. That was pretty cool. I remember where we were living. We were in Silver Lake.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
yep that was cool that was a cool documentary how the seal team six got him yeah that was fascinating that was rad yeah i love this shit now i want to watch it why are you getting me interested so fucking awesome man i got a show tonight i'm doing mothership i can't okay will you will you give me the highlights though yeah of course i'll give you a detailed report fuck all right let's take a quick break and we'll be right back you want to talk some shit
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Well, you've even had intercourse with me having to shit, right? Where you're like, I have to shit, but I also have to fuck. And then you have to choose between coming and shitting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Do you give the Fleshlights to the homeless?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Can I talk to you for a second, though? Design flaw, I think it's too big. Because then you've got to pack something that's bigger than this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And then how do you clean it? Guys don't want to clean stuff, so that's an issue.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Can you look up Fleshlight? I'm curious to see how big it is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It's really special when you do that. After we make marital love, you go, I got to shit. It's really cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
You can buy it on Amazon even.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
How much does it weigh? How big is it? Hell yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
See, it's still pretty big. See the object, the fleshlight next to it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Hold on, shop here. Click on it. Let's see what variants we can. Yeah, how many different.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I imagine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Because the man would know what that side looks like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Thank you. Yeah, I came. That's the review.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
This is the first thing on YMH we don't know about.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
You grew up in the Valley, too?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Tell your friends. Also, it's funny because after I've been living with you for 20 years, I don't even think of them as bad thoughts. I just think of them as Tom thoughts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Okay, fun fact. I used to, the girl whose dad was in Toto, I think he was the drummer, I used to give her rides home from school. Oh, really? His daughter. There we go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And they stayed in the valley, I guess, the Toto guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's cool that they sold that. You know, the school has to sell that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
So that it disrupts your day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's so LA.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Who cares about this education thing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
They're just the things that you've been talking about for 20 years with me. Jokes that we've had ongoing in the house and now they're on the screen, which is really special.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's not mean.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Period or shit. Maybe both.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It was Alicia Silverstone. That's cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Fucking love that show.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
You've been saying that to your parents for like since I started dating you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Pretty cool. You're like, why don't, if somebody's like, I gotta take a shit, you go, oh, oh, oh, hurry. How about I take a shit in between your shit? Like you always say that back at the house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
But the actual phone number, you did have a voicemail.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
But I came, hold on, first of all, I came with Tom for that weekend. Which is such a rare thing. We never did, because we were driving a car across the country.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And we take tourists. Anybody that comes to visit, we're like, you've got to do the Bat Showers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And by the way, I don't think Tom and I, since that weekend, ever did anything remotely touristy in any other city. I think it was just the dynamic of the three of us having fun. It's never happened since. It'll never happen again. Because we don't have fun when we tour, ever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
We don't like to have fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And? What's the review? 10 out of 10?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Dude, that looks like me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Dick tips. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And I bought a belt buckle.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It did. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Not mandatory, but it can.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Well, that's probably why we all got along so well.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Didn't you have an odd...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
What is regular for you?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Front to back because I have a vagina.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Thank you for sharing. And also, she's so mortified she watched the whole thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And also, what friends? What are you talking about?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Is he a comic?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It's cool supportive parents.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
This is his full time gig?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
He has like a day job, like a desk job. And then at night he does the gig?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Does he, I would too. It's free rent. Get a lease and a key. Do you live with the guy that you're gimping for at the time?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It is really cool, and I'm glad she had to tell you that. It's good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's really nice. Thanks, Mom. She didn't have to do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Which is silly. I think Sherbert.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I would go with Sherbert.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
What's everybody? Welcome to your mom's house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It's supposed to be a smile, but everyone knows it's a cock. That ain't no smile.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah, it's meant to look like a cock.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Christina Margetzky.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Everything is dicks, Brent. That's true, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
My new show. Yeah, everything's dicks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, what? I don't know. It's not?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
We shot it in our bathroom in the Rampart division. Tom and I in our first apartment. It was horribly lit. Oh my God, that was so funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Well, our kids aren't allowed on YouTube anyway.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Did we use anything that was like trademarked?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Get any in here to hear this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Atta boy. That's another one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I mean, this is... I'll tell you what I like about it. It's so authentic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's why it feels real.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Not hibernating. You know what? I would rather listen to this whole album than most pop music that's being made today.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I think it's Atta Boy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
No, but now you're killing me. When I say sit on it, you sit on it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Can we find these guys? Do they still exist?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
There's a new CD called Tighten That Muscle.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yep, that's how it goes. What's everybody?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
So I'm reading it. It says there's a new CD, Tighten That Muscle Ring, features collaborators such as Brian Dahl of Three Majesty, Boyd Rice, I can't even remember.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
So those are the names of people that are... The music is real. The sex is real.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
That's why I like it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
What's up, everybody?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, boy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Now, I don't know if you're on TikTok.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Do you have the app on your phone? Do you have an iPhone?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I figured.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
So when you go places and you need directions, do you print them out like on MapQuest before you go places?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
that could be fun i tell you something i'm fucking over it too like we put a landline in the house just so that on the weekends i'm not always like is tom trying to get oh that's good so like if dad calls he's that's dad you know that if that phone rings it's dad oh because he's the only one who has the number yeah because you know i have a fucking phone i'm sick of looking at it yeah yeah yeah it's a it's also this kind of radioactive piece of thing that's in your stuff
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
But the point is, Brent, I highlight the marginalized communities of TikTok. So these aren't the regular fun dance videos everybody's sharing on TikTok. These are the special, the outliers that I'm giving a voice to.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Number one, some hoes just like the attention and they're desperate for just somebody to show them some attention. Number two, a lot of women have a hard time saying no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
they don't want to hurt your feelings so they'd rather hurt your feelings long term oh sorry sir yeah they'd rather hurt your feelings in the long run leading you on leading you on and then eventually say no it's just because they don't want to say no and hurt your feelings at the top bitches be trifling dude it's tough though you know i i feel this man's pain you know yeah it's hard to find a woman you know
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And everybody was like, this guy's fucking... I remember this. I vaguely remember this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I could do this so easily. What? Yep. All right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Get up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah, I mean, you're fucked up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Where was he living at the time? Because to see that for the first time is a shock.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I'm ready. All right, let's go. He's 18, this poor boy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It's a hairdresser who's giving a consult.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
But watch this. You're going to shit your pants. So much better. Now he looks 18. Wait, that guy was 18 before?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah, he needed to cover up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
But he looks... It looks... Like an FBI guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
You like men.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Hold on, though. Not a lot of women are into pub play. I don't think I've seen one woman. This has actually been exclusively 100% male.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
She's driving.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
No, she's pretty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It could be her. I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Could be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Making some cool TikToks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, boy. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, thanks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I won't. Oh, no. Oh, no. I don't like it. Come on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Fuck off. Fuck off!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I know, that's so true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I'd be like, that guy's got one foot on the gas.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
No, she said it's sweet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
So you want to put salt to counteract. Nayana, are you going to drink your moon blood? No, thank you. No, thank you. You just have your moon cup in, and then you pull the cup out and just...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Oh, cool. And?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Or you can tolerate it. It doesn't bother you. But if you live somewhere like Atlanta, I guess you don't see the gays and the AIDS and the 20-year-old moms.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Branson, Missouri?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
You know what? It's on my list. That should be a place you go. Shit that I want to do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It's in Romania?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Wait, where's Vlad from? He's not Russian.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Romania.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I would be nocturnal if I could. It's just the kids wake you up, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I hate it. That's the worst part of being a parent is waking up at 6.30.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
the moment you've all been waiting for it's the hotel room tour so this is one of my favorite hotels in rasan actually it's the best hotel this is in north korea and one of the things that makes it super fun and super cool is
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
how retro it is okay i remember the first time i came to rasan i stayed in this place you can see here this lamp has got to be the best feature look at the colors excellent and you can hear it tick tick ticking away a lamp a clock all in one let's not make it fall over so we have some beds which are Rock hard. I don't know if you heard me sit down on that, but it's very hard.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Did she say rock hard? Or you said that. In China and in Korea. My second favorite thing in here has got to be this chair. Okay. It's a lot comfier than the bed, I have to say, and has excellent decoration. But this in front of me, this, I promise you, this is quite cool. So we have...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
It's a completely accurate depiction.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
nice window that you can open all the way out leads right out to rasan city the empty city of north korea that reminds me of some sterile kind of environments that i've been to that you probably would like in some ways yes that is a tv plays things at night so that's the hotel
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Don't stretch out too much here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Let's close that window because it is freezing cold. Luckily the heating in here is really good. No, it's not. Let's have a look at the bathroom. Very simple. We've got a shower here with running water. Running hot water, I should say. She just taught me that I have to press this green button in order to make it go hot. This reminds me of somewhere I went to. And it's just like a walk-in shower.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah. This is like communist Hungary.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
You have? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
He's absolutely right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And Ukraine. And Ukraine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Maybe some of these kind of things. Oh, and a hairdryer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I really wish people would start memorizing this as a monologue and doing this. This could be like a Good Morning Julia for us where people are memorizing this and performing it. I would love to see this. If you can memorize this and send it in as we all did Good Morning Julia, I think this would be fantastic as a monologue to do. This is a really good stage idea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Bye.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Bye.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
You got to take the 7 train to the ballpark. I don't know, what does he sound like? Is he Southern?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Looking like you're riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time. Yeah, man. Some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Listen, anybody that lives in the country, when they go to New York, they all say this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And it is. It's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Although I will say back in the day when you had weird colored hair, it meant you were cool. And now it's like the ultra dorks have weird colored hair. It's very upsetting. It's like those fucking Zimzer nerds. Yeah. Like the angry.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
They're not even cool. It's very upsetting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I'm saving all this money. Can I just, Matt, talk to you for a second? Yeah, go ahead. There's so many updates on the show. I want to make sure we get to them all. But this came in, this Pajitsky effect, and I don't even think you can wrap your head around this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Finally. Okay, go ahead. Do you want to do yours first?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Well, you said my last name wrong.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
And? And that? And what else? That you can eat it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Yeah, anytime.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Because in your mind, it was just relegated to Ellis.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
In the house. That's his job.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
I can make it too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
For your nine-year-old son to make it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
Do you want to know the great... First of all, I don't even think that you've acknowledged the greatness of what I have done for us in our lives together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
You Want To Talk Some Sh!t? w/ Brent Weinbach | Your Mom's House Ep. 811
This is a Pajitsky effect I just had. Oh, yeah. So did you know that you can put a water cooler... anywhere in your life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Dumbest Shark Tank Pitches w/ Mark Cuban | Your Mom's House Ep. 802
Okay. Here we go. All right. I finally got a decent foot job. So let's talk about it and rate it one through 10. Somebody on Twitter reached out to me and said she gives amazing foot jobs. And I was like, there is absolutely no way. And turns out she was close to me. So I had to try it. I told her, come on. Yeah, let's link up. We're going to collab. I'm going to post it. I did the method.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Dumbest Shark Tank Pitches w/ Mark Cuban | Your Mom's House Ep. 802
I'm not going to post the video. I just wanted a free foot job. We linked up. She put like a special type of oil on her feet. And I can't lie. It was pretty decent. But the reason I say it was decent is because what even is a good foot job?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Dumbest Shark Tank Pitches w/ Mark Cuban | Your Mom's House Ep. 802
Have you ever had a foot job before?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Dumbest Shark Tank Pitches w/ Mark Cuban | Your Mom's House Ep. 802
I mean, I mean, a foot massage, like a foot job. How do you even know if a foot job is a good one? Like, what are you supposed to compare it to? She couldn't make me finish. I don't think I would ever finish from feet, honestly. She was kind of mad that I wanted the buns. But it's like, what do you expect? You come over here and expect to just give me feet?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Dumbest Shark Tank Pitches w/ Mark Cuban | Your Mom's House Ep. 802
So yeah, I would give this experience like a 6 out of 10. It's probably my last time trying this. She is expecting me to post it and tag her to give her a little bit of clout. But I'm not going to lie, bro. I'm not going to post that shit. What the fuck I look like posting me getting a foot job for?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Dumbest Shark Tank Pitches w/ Mark Cuban | Your Mom's House Ep. 802
I don't care about digital footprint, but I don't want my future kids to see me getting a fucking foot job.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Did he cup your balls to comfort you?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Because he gave you drugs that floored you, and then he was watching you fry, like watching you take a journey.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That doesn't sound remotely gay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Hold on. I've got so many more questions.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, so good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I get it. I love that entree. That's the secret. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I didn't even tell you what happened to me in my vortex.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Did I? So I went to a vortex.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It's a spiritual location in Sedona where you get downloads and, you know, your high vibrations. And I didn't get any. But I got to see a bird fly at like my eye level, bro. Like a fucking black crow. It was like chilling like right there. And I was like, oh, that was worth it. That was tight. You ever seen a fucking crow fly like right at your fucking eye level? Tight.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
yeah dude you know what i'm saying i was too scared to do the drugs but i i tripped out on a fucking bird bro was like talking to me he was all he's all let go bitch i asked sage for uh more dmt i don't mind taking that stuff yeah i was like send some bro oh because you know what i've done lsd in my formative years yeah i don't know why i'm whispering i don't know either but
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Some revelations, things revealed in the world. I'm so excited.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I don't need to see stuff anymore.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
But that's, I'm happy for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It wasn't scary. Okay. Okay, so this, I have so many thoughts about this opening clip. Yeah. I mean, first of all, Orange Chicken at Panda Express.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I understand she's in a mall, clearly. She went to the food court.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Get it. Why not find a toilet? I've had diarrhea in the mall here at the domain. One time I was at Free People and I felt diarrhea coming on. You know what I did? Yeah. I left and I looked for a toilet and I found one. Yeah. Malls have toilets. So my question is, was she trying on a thong?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Satanic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I don't think she's trying on stuff, Victoria.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Shut the front door.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Who does that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
But then is she shitting in her pants? No, no, no. She's pulling down her pants and then going into the room.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Why? What's wrong with those? What's wrong?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You should flip the order.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You buy your lingerie first.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah, the third eagle of the apocalypse.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Panda Express is so goddamn good, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
She has nice hair, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Have you ever shat in a dressing room?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I haven't either.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, yes. Yes. He's drinking Joe, too. Wow. Oh, my God. How long can he sustain that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Vote for the Donald.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oof. It's so crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I don't understand it either. What a skill.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, that's how he calibrates the sound.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, wow. I would pay to see him do a concert of all my favorite songs.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah, and he's always in front of those birds.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You think he could cover Bauhaus or The Cure? Oh, wow. I wish he would do Bela Lugosi's Dead. That's a long one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I know. It's like we support him. We support his platform. We're all about his stuff. I wish he'd fucking get it. I love you. I miss you. You've been gone for so long.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You try it Tom. Any?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah. There's nobody that can do what this guy does.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Nobody. I mean, I've had friends that can do the two fingers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I feel like Bert can do that. Doesn't Bert do that? Or he goes like that. Like he does that. Who? Bert Kirshner. Doesn't he do that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Just, he can't win.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Burt Kershaw.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Burt Kershire.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
At the Super Bowl.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It's amazing. Burt Kershire.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's why I changed my last name from Pajitsky to P. That was a good call. By the way, buy my lipstick, ChristinaP.com. You get, she get all four colors at the same time. I'm wearing Berlin today. That's the darkest. Perfect red, atomic red, Madison, Berlin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
yeah what no i know we're thinking you're thinking about something else yeah i was looking at something on the board there but oh um yeah it's been a very busy very busy time a week now you're back now i'm back before that we went to clear i'm back i'm here poly and by we we went to sedona for a little getaway to get away from our children that was awesome days that was amazing
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
because it's the perfect one. It's not too chalky, it's not too runny, it lasts just the right amount of time in my estimation. So try it out, christinap.com. Try it out. When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, like Gymshark or Mattel, yes, they have a great product and marketing, but an often overlooked secret is actually the business that is making selling simple.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
For millions of businesses, that's Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret with ShopPay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
shape size style setting cut color clarity carrot if you're like most people you just have no idea but trust me she knows exactly what she wants so it's time to learn fast there's no better place to start than bluenile.com at bluenile.com you'll create a bigger more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine at a price you'll never find at a traditional jeweler
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's $50 off with code YOURMOM at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. What else was I going to say? Bert Kirshner. Oh, fuck, I forget.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I always like fart things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That is horrifying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I did her a big favor. Do you know that there's couples?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It is a high vibration place. The aliens, there are vortexes. I visited a vortex alone. You did not join me, but that's okay. And we went on a spiritual journey.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Very sweet. I've met him at the mothership.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah, super sweet. There's couples that don't fart in front of each other and couples that hold in farts for years and years. Can you imagine?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It just seems like like a hard way to live your entire life with another person. Excuse me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, my God. That's no-win situation.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, look, you may as well enjoy the sound that the fart makes and laugh. Why not have a laugh at the same time as you're breathing in farts?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yes, yes. He can fart. He goes...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I don't think I've had one. I don't know if I've had one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
The fart stair walk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Wow. I don't think I could relax enough to do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's really cool, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, Annie, congratulations.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Hitler burned queer books. You know, this comes right off the tail of.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Did you? This was your first one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Black and indigenous, Creole and Romani. Do I sound like that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I've been listening to it on a roll.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Romani Creole. Before Hitler got on meth, he was a guy to go fishing with.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You did?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's what I'm saying. That's the craziest sentence I've ever heard. Before Hitler got on meth. You know who he sounds like? It sounds like Stevie. Yeah. Old Stevie. It's exactly the same.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
He sounds just like Stevie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Wow. This is a powerful song. We got to learn this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Follow your black sisters.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It's funny. It's always white ladies taking up this cause. They always take up everybody else's cause. The white ladies, huh? Yeah. These fucking ladies, these broads. Do you think these broads fuck? Oh, here we go. Yep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Tell me where you went. Can you share with us?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You're Latino.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
She didn't say black, did she? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, my. I felt that anti-Semitism.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Dude, she didn't list the Jews.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Or Palestinians.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
She's so full of hate. But she made it all about the gays. It says about the gays. The first part of the song is just about the gays. And then she goes into the people of color. Shameless. But then she lumps in Creole with Latin and Hispanic. Wait, hold on. Latin and Hispanic aren't the same? Aren't you guys all the same?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
what's the difference between Latin and Hispanics?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, I didn't know that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Not European is what I called it. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
She did not include my people. Slovakian, Romanian, Bulgarians. Come on, man. She's full of hate.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You go into space? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
No. Your mom's way classier. I'd like to say something. I'm going to, and I'm, and I. I'm not a Disney adult by any stretch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Is this Disneyland? This appears to be Disneyland, correct? Not Disney World?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I mean, last time we were at Disneyland, I felt that it wasn't indicative of a real classy Disney experience. The people they're hiring now are not upholding the Disney brand. They're being rude. They're being like too casual.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I don't like it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You think, what is that? It's just like they can't find people?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Like normal people?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
This is disgusting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
disneyland workers who flick their tongues out at you no they suck she doesn't get included no because when we took our boys to disney last year i noticed that that the staffers are they're not like upholding the the disney vibe anymore yeah that's terrible
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
We had a waiter. You remember the waiter? Yeah. In Sedona who...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
What did you think about us? Were you like, how do I murder? How do I kill? How do I conceal the bodies?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It was like too much. And he had like rehearsed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I hate the bits. I hate the... I've been a server at high, like a high-end French restaurant. I've been a server. I've been a cocktail waitress. I've worked at many levels.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
And there's a way to give service to people where it's not disingenuous. Like, hey, how are you? I can tell you didn't like that a bunch. Or like...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, it's mean, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Because I feel like that's a reprieve from what normally goes on in your brain, which is, I mean, yesterday I was watching the new Bridget Jones movie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
he's like Colin Robinson, the, the emotional vampire from what we do in the shadows. Like they, waiters can drain you of your life supply.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
And he was, and I'll tell you something as someone that's been a waitress, he's a career waiter. He is. And he provides excellent service. We'll say like the level of service was great. Like he totally did his job. But I think when you become the, the main character in someone's dinner, it's, you're also robbing that table of them just having an experience at a restaurant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Cause now you're like the life of the party. They don't need you to be the life of the party. You're just there to bring their food.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
And you came in and you were like, the chick stuff. And I'm like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
But as, like I said, like he doesn't need to ever in every five seconds, you're like part of my reach. Like, It's fine. You don't need to pardon the reach. Just get the cup out of my fucking life. Okay. And then they give 500 plates for one thing. You know what I mean? Like just fucking, it's okay. You don't have to come every Tuesday. Everything. Okay. I have everything tasting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Like just shut the fuck up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You still good. Yeah. I'm fucking still good. I'll let you know. It's too much service. And what I learned in a French restaurant when I worked at a French restaurant, you know what they teach you in a French restaurant? Is that when you're not bringing food to tables or waiting, you just stand in the room. You stand up against the wall with your hands. And if they need you, they call you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
How did I say it? The stupid ass chick stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You're just looking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah. And you were disappointed because there's no murder. Yeah, I was like, who gets killed in this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Time to get that money.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Because what goes on in your mind all day is what goes on in there. So the sound bath must have been a pretty crazy thing for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Right. Because let's say, God forbid, the guy with the six bucket of beers wants more alcohol.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Reopen the check.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
And then I'd rather take the time as a server to reopen a check in the middle of the show versus at the very end of the night having a stack of fucking you have to close out everybody's bill.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
By the way, a dollar for sauces is ridiculous. Those should be complimentary.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
and by the way i've eaten at guy fairy's restaurant in an airport outstanding it's good i really liked it so i'll pay a dollar for a condiment okay look hawaiian i can't read this my motley q and i like that they name things funny motley q pulled pork sandwich adorable 23.99 that is a lot of money for a Is this in Vegas? You're right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That is a lot for a pulled pork sandwich.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Babe, a bacon mac and cheeseburger at $24.99.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
No, it's not. It's an upper.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
But here's my thinking from a branding perspective.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Guy Fieri, I thought, would appeal to a... Maybe like not so high to your price point. You know what I'm saying?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's Vegas, yeah. Vegas, baby.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's pretty standard. You go anywhere else, and you're going to pay this much for crap.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah, no, this is not fair to do to a guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Can I tell you what is kind of disturbing, though, is that guy is holding the live chicken.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Maybe not. I would hold the cooked version. No. Because you don't want to think about the animal you're butchering.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Tom's grew a steak. This guy's so mad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
But he didn't see the prices before he ordered. You can look at the menu, bro. You don't got to eat there, homie. Look at the prices before you fucking... He's so mad. He's so mad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You know what I liked is she had, so I don't know if you've ever done a sound bath, people here. It was fucking cool. It's so fun because they have different sounds. One is like a rain sprinkler.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You know, we've all got our things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You know what it is? You go to Vegas, you put a few in him, and he gets angry.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah, they're not subtle about that in other countries. They put pictures of lungs and stuff in Europe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I literally said that. Yeah, you can see the prices on the menu before you order. So why is he shocked?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I mean, look, you and I were in Vegas when we were broke as Broke Comics. You know where we ate?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Chipotle, remember?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
We ate at Chipotle every day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You don't have to eat at Guy's place.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
He puts his own picture of him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah. I can't even do that on my videos. That's cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Chimes. Chimes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It's not going to happen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, he's so clever. Did you see that? He gave that like, see how smart I am?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Fuck you, Bill Maher. I got this down. I love when guys like him break it down for you too, the economics of stuff, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Okay, here's the Christmas post. Do you think he's going to complain that they don't say Merry Christmas where he's from or that they've forgotten Jesus? What do you think that video is? It's going to be some complaint about how America has gone south with Christmas. They've forgotten the real meaning.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's where my money is. What is yours?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
So Merry Christmas.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
In June. In June.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah. I mean, he didn't say, I know he did say season's greetings. Okay. I thought we'd get a rant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, hold on. Echo told us. That was our lady, our sound guide. She, before, notified us that she would be calling in, remember this, spirits from other dimensions to assist us on our journey. And I was like, well, hold on. I didn't authorize that kind of stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
$7.11.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
This guy's fucking... No, Popeyes is not going out of business.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
No, dipshit. But I am upset that California Pizza Kitchen has gone out of business.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah. Can you believe that? It's done? Will you Google it? Because there used to be one here at the Bromain in Austin. That's our children's favorite restaurant, CPK. And it's gone. And I don't think it's gone from... No. It did file for bankruptcy in 2020.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
The company emerged with a reduced debt load. Well, the one in Austin's gone, and I am deeply upset. Please, CPK, bring back your Austin location.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
CPK does provide a great product.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I just want to see like... Yeah, what is he like to you?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, he's only got like 2,800 followers. Babe, he's only got 2,800 followers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
All this gobbledygook, this jargon. I don't understand what these people do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Let's go to his YouTube. Let's see what these episodes are like. What is he doing entire episodes on?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, okay. So he's legit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, that was the fatal flaw of our sound bath is that it took place in a conference room in a hotel. And every now and then somebody would open the door.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
This is a business advice, guy. I know. Don't do self-checkout. Yeah, no shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I hate self-checkout.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Can we please do some happy birthdays?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, it's my absolute faves.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I closed the door.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It's so bad, his answer. I love it. I love how bad it is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Happy birthday. Especially the bad Cockney accent is really what gives me the most joy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I love when it's bad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It kind of took us out of the moment of the journey.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I also like how many happy birthdays you can get.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah. It's easy to get back in. And I like the sounds. They sound like little twinkles, like twinkle. And then she walks around you. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I do like the long of the ah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That could be a whole new lane. Ah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
If you could do a really long pause like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's really funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
He did. And he said, thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
What's going on with that kid? What do you think's happening?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Gosh, Jaden. Yeah. He's all over the map, that kid. Fucking stupid. It is fucking stupid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Let's see you. Oh, you could so do this. Look at that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah, and then I was so worried you would fart because it's at a higher altitude, Sedona, and we all had altitude farts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You guys are twin brothers already.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Look at him. Oh, my God. You guys really are blue eyes. You got the blue eyes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, he's stunning.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Peter Murphy's got good everything. Good cheek structure, good eyelashes. So here's what you'd have to do to do this. You've got to get a spray tan. I don't think Peter Murphy spray tans. I think that you're exceptionally pasty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
And you need a spray tan, and then we've got to put some blue eyeshadow. And that's pretty much it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah, it's a little eyeliner. He does it in the waterline, as they say. You could do that. But I still think...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Are you being serious? I would love that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I would love that. Would you try?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah. I love guys in black eyeliner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Here's the deal, man. You can't wear lipstick with a beard. I mean, that's probably why Peter Murphy doesn't do that. It's not appropriate.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
No, he's incredibly good looking. He's thin. He kept himself in shape and everything. But I still, I love Peter Murphy, but Robert Smith... is where my heart is. I mean, Robert Smith is like my first crush. Can you listen to me? I mean, growing up as a teenage girl, 13 years old, he's my first big crush. I have posters of him everywhere. I'm obsessed with Robert Smith.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
If you could do Robert Smith, You going to do it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
No, really? Sure. Don't get my hopes up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Like I said, I said what I said.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Thank you. Tell them. I like that you're supportive.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It's so terrifying. You're like, where are they yelling at?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It'd be so scary if you're in line.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
yeah i have to and i look this is not very politically insane correct to say but nothing scares me more yeah than black black girls yelling like black women yelling holy shit girl get your life i mean i think it harkens back to middle school public school and like like this shit escalates bro and they will fucking throw down yeah they fight yeah here The shit gets real, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
This is like, I'm having flashbacks to seventh grade.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Fucking Portola Junior High.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
dude black girls are vicious though they will in middle school cut you but yeah the that they say to each other i can't even come up with yeah i know it's pretty good it's like damn dude yeah all right i said what i said did you ever get jumped Of course. Of course. I mean, but yes. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I didn't. Here's the problem, man, is I had come from a nice Lutheran school.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I was like this quiet little blonde girl. I had a little bit of scrappy, a little bit of an attitude. And black girls would talk some shit in the locker room and talk shit everywhere. And I didn't know to shut the fuck. I just didn't know that you don't say anything. And I told them, I was like, why don't you shut up? Shut the fuck up. But this is a locker room. Bad idea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
And then I got on the radar and they're fucking me up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah, don't talk to black people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I know. I just, I don't know what was wrong with me. I don't know. But that shit scares me, dude. To this day, I'm like, foof, get away from that. Get away from that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Don't get in your spirit place.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
i already knew when to shut the fuck up yeah i didn't know that one yet yeah for sure yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean like i defended myself not very well but i'd fucking i fought i tried dude but these bitches got crazy dude like ripping braids out during lunchtime, and they fucking fought. They fought hard. Harder than, like, Chola girls, because Cholas would fight, but never at school.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I feel like I didn't see Mexican girls throw down at school the way black girls throw down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Anyone? Did you see Cholas fighting?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Cholas, girls.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
They fight at school?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Do you ever see white girls throw down like that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
This is a good point because UFC fighters are all crazy white guys, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah, but the majority is like crazy white guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Trashy whites.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Love the UFC. So there's something to it. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Violence. Goddamn. Yeah. Asians don't fight. You ever seen Asians fight?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Like I'm saying in school, like public school. Yeah, in school I didn't see Asians fight. You ever see the Chinese kids throw down? No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
But no Asians. No. No Chinese kids.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Not one. Koreans, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That Vietnamese motherfucker. He motherfucking lit this dude up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, that's true because I do know there are Asian gangbangers, Asian gangs.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Especially in L.A., yeah. I just haven't seen it. I just haven't seen it. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, let's get some emails.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Please share it with us. We've never seen it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
No, I'm lucky. Otherwise, I've had you as a husband. Mike!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Mike. Go do your act, Tom. Get out on the road. Jesus Christ.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I look at the screen and it goes what's up motherfuckers Tom do I have permission then to have lovers get the fuck out of here you bitch girl get your life
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
How do we get down this hole?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, the Spirit Air employees.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Does she really do that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I know. Look, I have sympathy for them. It's a tough gig. Serving the public is... I don't think it's easy. Damn, it's the worst job. I don't think it's easy. It's harsh. Public... You know what's really hard is customer service and people are always angry and... Okay. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's your interpretation of what happened. For me, it was just, I was trying to impress you, trying to get on your level.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
How does this chick go on television and not say something? Sorry, my eyes are wide open.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Did not. Don't care. It's my vacation. This was my time in Sedona. I was connecting with higher vibrations.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Of course there is. There's a medical problem happening. Unless she's gacked on... She's not gacked.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
hanging out to kids what's a misandrist it's a opposite of misogynist yeah someone that hates men oh wait it's a fake word wait so yeah misogyny is woman hating and misandry is man hating misandrist but he's saying i'm a man yeah i don't understand this shit dislike or contempt against men you know
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I honestly did not know that I farted on a woman.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Really?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You all right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I did not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Okay, no, no, no. Like, he just straight out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, gosh. Now I feel bad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Come on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I did not know that. I really didn't know that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Why not? It's perfect to shit out there. Wouldn't you love to shit in a field? I would love to shit outside with a nice warm breeze.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I would like to open defecate. Can we build me an open defecation area?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I'd love to. I've never experienced open defecation.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
There must be something to it because all the Indians love doing it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It's fine. Who cares? Just shit out in the field. There's nothing out there anyway. It's rural. Who's it hurting? I think, you know what? I think this woman is open defecation phobic and I think she needs to fucking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
They used their hands.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, I know in the, I don't know actually, I know in Muslim countries you use your hand.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
No, I've just learned that when I was in Afghanistan that yes, sometimes they use their hand and they wash their hand. That's why you eat with the left, wipe with the right or vice versa, I forget. I don't know, but they're not bringing paper towels out. Yeah, they're not bringing paper towels to the field. No way. Maybe they're wiping with plants or leaves or something.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
What did she look like? Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is not my fault. Thank you for bringing this up, Josh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Look, humans have been shitting for centuries. This is how we all used to shit. Open defecate. Okay. Across North Africa, Middle East, and Asia, people traditionally use their hands to wipe after using the toilet, followed by washing them with water, often using the left hand specifically for this purpose due to cultural hygiene practices.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Tommy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
This is particularly prevalent in Muslim countries where water-based cleansing is emphasized. Yeah, so you wipe with your left and you eat with your right. Got it. You don't ever want to shake a Muslim's left hand.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, I don't know why she's just singling out the Indians. I'm telling you, it's got to be other.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
He just Googled that gas and bloating at high altitudes are common and can be caused by a number of factors, including lower air pressure, trapped gas, and swallowing air. It's not my fault, is what I think Josh Zola was trying to say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yeah. Good for her. Good for them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, well, I do remember the story about open defecation where they would come to like Disneyland and shit in public or come to cities and then shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
See, you know, don't think I didn't notice that when I brought up the idea that the Muslims use their left hand to wipe their ass, you looked at me like I was crazy. Okay, I just didn't know because you guys always are like, oh, Christina, you got these crazy ideas. Let me tell you about the next crazy idea I'm on. Can I talk to you for a second? Sure, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It's huge in the mommy TikTok world right now, the mommy sleuths out there. Candace Owens.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I love you, girl. Candace, come on your mom's house. You need to explain this, what I'm about to tell my husband.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
It is so good. You guys have to go to her website, CandaceOwens.com, to see the stuff for her YouTube. She's staking her career on the fact that Brigitte Macron, allegedly, Candace Owens is saying that Brigitte Macron, the first lady of France, is actually a man. A la mer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
actually a dude come on i know it's crazy and she's got a ton of evidence and this poulard guy who wrote a book i bought the book i'm all into it candace i would love for you to come on and explain this to the world you're so into this i sound insane i've been into it for like a month now every day i'm like holy shit dude brigitte macron is a dude bro let's pull up a brigitte macron
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
So here's what I... Oh, we talked about this already on the show. Sorry, yes. But so the series is called Becoming Brigitte. And she goes through their genealogy of the family and how these two meet. And by the way, there's all these stories that Macron meets Brigitte when he is 17 and she is 36. First of all, that's not true. They're saying that he was 14...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I wanted to improve. Press you. What's so bad about wanting your spouse's approval? That's our love language, babe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
And that's when they hooked up. And there's a whole ton of evidence. You guys have to get into every detail because it's fascinating that there's no photographs, allegedly, of this Brigitte Macron for 30 years. 30 years, no photographs, okay? She just... She's born. Okay, so then there's like three photographs that they put out of her. This is supposedly her at her wedding.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, they do these AI analyses now of photographs, like the kind that the Chinese use or whatever. And the AI is like, that ain't, That ain't Brigitte Macron. And that guy is actually her, I don't know, uncle, brother, whoever the fuck. It's a whole crazy story. Allegedly, she's assumed she's actually a boy. There's a family photo. Hold on. Where's that family photo? Okay. Let's go back.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Her name is actually Jean-Michel something. Go Google.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
So that's when she's teaching.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That is true. I really enjoyed Sedona. I like that you and I did that. And then you went on a little bit of a psychedelic thing, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Google Brigitte Macron young family photo. So it starts with here. So basically what happens is she and her husband get into the Elysee, whatever. He's prime minister. And like well-meaning journalists are wanting to investigate her background. Correct. And what they realize is that there's a black hole in Brigitte Macron's background.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
history which is like you can dig up school photos you can dig up everything everything's public so they're saying this this poulard and candace that actually brigitte macron is the little boy here on the left my left and i don't know who the hell this one is sitting on the lap of but isn't it possible that that's brigitte on the lap sitting on the lap
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
No, because they did like AI analysis of the boy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I'm telling you, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Or whatever, photo recognition softwares and all of this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, if you look at, okay, can you Google childhood photo of Jean-Michel side-by-side with Brigitte Macron? I'm telling you, this little boy is identical to Brigitte Macron. If you do a side-by-side... And then they found a few photographs of Brigitte.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's Brigitte Macron before she became Brigitte. So she disappears. She goes to Algiers, has a sex change, supposedly comes back, and now is Brigitte. It's bananas. No, this is Michael Jackson. Who are you bringing up? Anyway, Candace, please come on the show and explain this better than I am. It's a whole story. It's fascinating stuff. Look, Tucker Carlson follows her, too. It's a whole thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Allegedly, allegedly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Candace, come on. I know you're pregnant, girl. You're in Tennessee.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Jean-Michel. A man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Correct. Cool. Right, so she's actually Jean-Michel. She disappears. She comes back, and now she lives as a woman named Veronique for a while. It's a whole fucking thing, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I'll tell you why. Because it's not just that this woman is a man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
There you go. See those photos? Those four photos?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
They all do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
yeah so they suit them for defamation or slander but it's not on the claims that Brigitte is a woman I'm sorry Brigitte is a man there's slander in the details of the stories it's a long story it's not what you think it is so go back to those images those four images go up boom next row second row scroll down scroll down mommy there Look at those. Okay. Look at, teeth don't lie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Look at the middle two images.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's Brigitte as, okay. Got it. See that young man? Yes. And then you see Brigitte Macron. Look at that. I mean, are my eyes deceiving me?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
What? Just a stranger at the place we were staying at. But that's Sedona. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
So the implications for this being, A, if this really is a man who transitioned to a woman, is because having a relationship with a 14-year-old boy is completely inappropriate and illegal and wrong. Secondly, there's ties to... allegedly, Candace is saying, in the Élysée, in the government, they're protecting because they, you know, she believes that this is a culture and they're protecting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
There's also links to the Rothschild family. Reggie Macron is actually a Rothschild, which is like the biggest banking company in France. I know. And they're protecting each other's interests. There's incest. There's all kinds of gross things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Satanic cults. The lizard people are controlling. Here's my problem, Tom. Can I tell you my problem? Sure. I'm not doing standup anymore. I'm not out in the world.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I'm on the mommy sleuth TikTok and I'm here for it. I love it all. I need to get out of the house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Tell me about it because I've never done that. I've never done that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I know it. But Candice, I love you. You're doing God's work.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm the talk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I'm the TikTok today. Aliens.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That was like a Danish dating show or something. He goes to French. That's the Macron family. That's actually footage of how they say hello to each other at holidays. It's just a cool lady. She's got great tits.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
First of all, what's a Therion? I think these are like the mass cosplay nerds. This is what dorks are doing. Yeah, cosplay. Therion, furry. This is furry culture. Okay. And then quadronics. I'm not sure what a quadronic is. Oh, maybe you're getting on all fours, Claude, doing that dorky shit these nerds do on TikTok. Okay. I don't know when it, these fucking nerds, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
They need to go back to being ashamed of themselves.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Well, it's upsetting now that Ikea is embracing their stupidity.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's what I think, too, but this nerd sees it as a cultural validation.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I bet she could take them out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
There's just a lane of people that are proud of their STIs and they don't want to be shamed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
What does that mean?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Yo, I didn't even know you light it like crack.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
How do you take it? It's like a pipe?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Oh my God, dude. Like opium or fucking crack?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
What does the DMT look like? Is it sticky like opium?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Dude, you smoked rocks, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping my money, too. After years of overpaying for wireless, I finally got fed up from crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees, and free perks that actually cost more in the long run and... Switched to Mint Mobile.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
We use Mint Mobile here at YMH Studios and we have been nothing but thrilled with the service and the price. It makes no sense to overpay. Say buh-bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills, and unexpected overages. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Tommy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash mom. That's mintmobile.com slash mom. Upfront payment of $45 for three-month, five-gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
New customer offer for first three months only, then full-priced plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. They say money can't buy you happiness. That might be true. But money sure can make you feel a lot of other things like stressed, guilty, and overwhelmed. That's because when you're not in control of your money, your money can control you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns is a financial wellness app that helps you take control of your money with simple tools that make it easy to start saving and investing for your future. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com slash YMH or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier one compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash YMH.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
What? What is DM?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Okay, so it's sprinkled in with pot so that you get – see, the pot alone would make me crazy. Can you do it purely without the pot?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
I was too scared to touch it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You were like, do you want to go into the forest with this guy I met?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Dude, do you? I was like, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Wait, his name is Sage.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
But you need it. You're not going to want it, but you need it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
You're not telling me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
A caterpillar.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
Like Alice in Wonderland.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
That's tight.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Merry JEANS-mas! w/ Jeff Dye | YMH Ep. 790
Your ego is just gone. Okay, I wrote a letter to... Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Merry JEANS-mas! w/ Jeff Dye | YMH Ep. 790
To Mr. Tom Segura, first time embarrassed and ashamed of my actions the other day when you nearly choked to death on the show. In the moment, I unwisely believed that I was laughing at Christina's reaction to your convulsion, but I see now that that may be interpreted as me laughing at you, and I should have known better.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Merry JEANS-mas! w/ Jeff Dye | YMH Ep. 790
You know, while cartel videos are something to laugh at, my boss choking definitely is not, especially with all you've been through with Invisalign this year.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Merry JEANS-mas! w/ Jeff Dye | YMH Ep. 790
And, you know, many people don't know the risks associated with Invisalign, so I did some research to educate myself. Some of those include tooth decay, allergic reactions, and gum disease, which can lead to life-threatening situations.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Merry JEANS-mas! w/ Jeff Dye | YMH Ep. 790
So all this is to say that I feel, you know, dumber than a Chris and I will certainly learn from my mistakes. And, you know, I appreciate you letting me back in the booth and thank you for your service.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Merry JEANS-mas! w/ Jeff Dye | YMH Ep. 790
It's pretty gay. I would kind of wonder what women think about it. I think it's gay. Is he doing it for women? What are their thoughts?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
No thanks, Tom Hanks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Listen, you know how tight I am about my sphincter. You don't want to start toying with that. It's not replaceable, guys. You only get one of them. They don't do colon transplants. You fucked.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Well, he is truly lost. Let's put it in his perspective. He lost his pleasure zone and his way to make a living.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So it is a financial as well as physical and spiritual hardship.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's what you're embarrassed about? The shaving?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It was a really good one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
What kind of guys? Were they bears, other bears or cubs or twinks?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, that one's been in my head for a decade.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, now he knows how ladies feel. Well, he looks very fat. He's so fat there. Oh, wow. You know what he looks like? He's about pregnant. Remember when I had to wear that support belt?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, the harness.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. He's wearing a captain's hat, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Hey, first of all, happy Smurf Day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
See it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
He is so brave, I'll tell you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I love Bert's fun. By the way, I'm a little mad at you still because this morning I woke up and I was fucking so furious at you, dude, because I had this dream about you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
i speaking of like leather daddy so here's the dream i dreamt that you and i start to say it again i what i you what i woke up furious with you because i i dreamt that you did something terrible did you want to hear what you fucking did yeah i was so mad at you i really wanted to fucking just kill you in your sleep i was so fucking pissed i really was okay go on
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's your Smurf Day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I don't know if you noticed, I was a little extra loud this morning when I was making my coffee. I was like, fucking wake him up. I don't give a shit. Any hoodles? I dreamt that you basically got into some really weird, kinky, sexual things. But absurd, like the kind of shit that we cover. Guys in like plastic masks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
The latex guys. And then you were really in the dream into... Like you would suck cum out of a butthole with a straw. And I was like, babe, I can't do this. And Charlize Theron was there with all these other... I love her too. Which is like conflicted for me. It was conflicting because I really like her in real life, you know? And she was like, yeah, all the celebrities...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I know. You look every day a bit older.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
come to this club and we all sign NDAs and you can come here and do whatever you want. And I turned to you and I go, great, I'm divorcing you. I'm taking all your money and I'm taking your kids. Enjoy your fucking life, Tom. And I was super mad. Are you listening to me? So selfish.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Because you didn't come after me and you were like stoked that now you get to have this new fucking sexual deviant lifestyle. With Charlize. You gave it all up. Yeah. You gave up your family so that you could felch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I was so mad at you. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Guys just leave their families.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I think you're really coming into your middle-aged dadness. I think this is a good year for you. It's spectacular. Last year crushed for you. It's going to be even better.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
To do sexual stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, like people peeing on each other. It was like sick looking people. Like when I had my colonoscopy the other day, we were in the waiting room and there were like these two gay guys and they looked really fucking ill. They looked ill, yeah. Like a lot of people getting colonoscopies don't look good. Yeah. You know? Yeah, they were like sick looking gay dudes. Anyway, I'm fucking so pissed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I hate you so much. It took me like all morning to come down from that. I hate that one. Come for me. Shut up. No woman. Shut up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Ew.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I would go to that club.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's nothing burger. Honestly, if you were like, I want you to pee on me, I'd be like, yeah, who cares? That, to me, is a big... I didn't say I want to pee on me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You could pee on me. That's a big nothing burger.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's easy to do too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's my Botox. I got too much Botox. I can't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
No, I don't want to do that. Like in your shows.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Please, sir.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Don't make me hurt your dog. from don't you yeah you know where that's from oh like you don't know that movie by heart don't let me make me hurt you okay good come on mister her legs broken she's hurting real bad don't make me hurt your dog come on you love this guy oh oh It places the lotion in the basket.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Even better.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, by the way, I mean, guys leave their families all the time for sexual things. Yeah. Just for sex. It's crazy to me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But sometimes chicks do too, very rarely.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Those chicks are cool, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I'm a fist pig, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I'm a hardcore fist pig.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
He does like the tall brunettes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I think she understands that he's just hustling. He's a worker, and he's doing work.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, it's a Speedo. He's at TonyMichaelJohns96. It's a great handle.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, Cougar? How lucky. He signed it and everything. So I have a feeling if you're nice to Tony and you request it, he'll sign it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But you've always, people have always assumed you were older than you are.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Excellent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Well, I'm so proud of your hustle, Tony. I love that you're printing out these photos. They're lovely. They're very high quality, and you sign them for the fans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
What is that attributed to? Facial hair? Body hair?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
At 15? That's when it started?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So if somebody wants to wish somebody else happy birthday or good luck, you can have Tony Johns do it on Cameo.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, yes. How you been, though, Christina? I'm good. Thanks for asking, sweetie. Again, I'm so proud of you and your hustle here. printing these photos of yourself. And I think your future is very bright. You just stay out of trouble, though, okay? Yes, ma'am. Yeah, I can't get arrested anymore. No, don't get arrested.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yes, sir. Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Bye. I think a cameo with Tony Jones would be amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's a great way for him to make some scratch. A lot easier than OnlyFans, too, even.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, to take your peener out. You can make those anywhere in public.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So guys, get your cameos. Order the photos, I think.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Anyway, I wanted to plug Mother's Day is just around the corner. What better gift to get her than Christina P lipstick? Go to ChristinaP.com. I suggest just getting all four in one pop. Order it now so that you make sure to get it by Mother's Day. Celebrate your mom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I am wearing the perfect red right now, and it really is the power factor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah. Annie's like, yo. Now, what are you feeling when you watch that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
He admits that it's, I think the problem with this is that they're trying to convince you that A, if you're not into trans men, women, whatever, you're homophobic. Yeah. Or transphobic. Transphobic, sorry, yes, transphobic. And that you should, this should be presented a certain way. It's like, no, maybe not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Thankfully for women, they don't guess your age. I don't want to know. You don't need to guess. I'll just tell you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You can fuck whatever you want.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I don't have to be convinced that you're straight or whatever. I don't care.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It doesn't matter. Yeah, no one cares.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Correct.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Sure, with a dong. It's a dick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's not a deal-breaker situation.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You want the kids to have me around?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
We have children, yeah. And we just do butt sex. But do we stop having sex entirely?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's the end of it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You can be a fist pig.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Well, if you woke up with a vag, that would be a problem for me too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Your vag would be so unruly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Very cutie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's so weird, especially if you're a person that's in the public arena like Wikipedia knows all.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
He really took him up on it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Dang. He doesn't look gay at all. Right? Would you have guessed that he was down for dudes?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Like dads.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That no one's told these dads that they're attractive.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
And it's like the daddest of the dads that he usually approaches.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
He's like, I'm a straight up fucking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
He followed him and then he starts following him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, because he's like, I'm all fucking fired up, bro. What's up?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Fuck, dude, I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I know he's got his Christmas cards in there and everything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Hey, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So that means like on the weekends when we're all hanging out, I'm nude. If your mother comes over, your sister, you're just like, she's nude. What am I going to do?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But what if I was, okay, so what if I'm a nudist and then I also decided to free bleed on my period?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But I'm a nudist. Would this be a deal breaker for you?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You know what's crazy, too? I knew this Hungarian mom growing up who wouldn't let her daughter call her mom. The daughter had to call her by her first name.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
They get used to it. Your mom and your sister are totally used to it. I'm a woman. They don't care.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I wish you would become a nudist. How funny would that be? Me? If you had people over for dinner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
And you're like, that's funny. Could you put a towel down before you sit on the furniture, please?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That is the weird thing about nudists is that they just live their life without clothing. So they're not in a state of arousal. They're not in a state of doing anything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's so gross.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I was like, are you kidding my body to like, no, not all the scarring and the, you know, injuries people you get over the years.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
What if I, hold on, I'm not done playing the game with you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So nudist, yay or nay? I want you to really take it seriously.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But you'd stay with me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
problem yeah it's annoying it's super it's super annoying but it's not a deal breaker is what you're saying social life would be really affected keep going very affected what's your next one okay what if i become a super environmentalist where it's to the point where like hey we have dinner plans tonight we're gonna drive over to our friend's house they live 10 minutes away and i say shit like babe you know how i feel about wasting fossil fuels in the car
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Because she didn't want to be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You drive. I'm going to bicycle there. It's going to take about an hour. I'll meet you there and then I'll bicycle home. If we have to record the podcast, it's going to take me like two hours to bike here. No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Mom. She didn't want to be aged.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Why don't you use the family rag?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
yeah no those are grounds for those are grounds for dismissal i think separation at least yeah wow and like i don't hound you about your choices but i'm constantly going through the trash separating out the plastics and the compost this is not appealing this is not is that the worst i mean someone like who's like that i can barely spend five minutes with so i can't imagine living with them so you can do that shit somewhere else
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
We buy the house next door. I think Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton did that at one point. They just had houses next door to each other and they would co-parent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
They're both absolutely probably insane. Well, we could do that. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Too flexing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
gonna fuck with her anyway we were just dancing relax but you're gonna make it a fucking thing and what'd you do you end up going home with it hell yeah i fucking do hell yeah hold on that was a long time ago you're not afraid that that guy's gonna find you and get into fights and do what fight you fight you oh be like kill you come with a gun to your fucking house do it wow yeah yeah um this is uh what's his handle shit yeah
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, my God. God damn it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Is that true, Annie?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, shit. We found the first one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I see what you're saying. Cause this guy reminds me, this guy shares my father's philosophies in many ways.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah. I think it is. You and I have the same dad. We might be related. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But this is exactly my father. What you're saying about like, oh, come on, man. I called you, didn't I? Like, didn't I fucking show up last weekend? Didn't we talk this week? I think he's on to something. What more do you want? Like in my dad's mind, just showing up is a big deal or like calling a bitch back is a big deal. Like you're lucky I even graced you with my presence.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But then on the other hand.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, same. A thousand, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah. And then I don't know if your dad does this, but does he get really flattered when they start to get crazy and obsessive? Because he'll fuck with these women enough that they'll start going crazy. Oh, for sure. But he's kind of like, she's so into me. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
He loves it. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
no he didn't say that my dad would be like oh my god can you believe how much she's so into me oh god like please get off my dick yeah it's so annoying she showed up in the night and she had the knife in her hands yeah Or like if a woman would threaten suicide over him, he's very secretly flattered by it. Like, can you believe that? She's going to kill herself for me. That is so sad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's not sad. I hope she doesn't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's exactly the thinking. That's exactly the thinking. Because the broken bitches that this guy is going to attract are totally on that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, man. Finally, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Kimberly, we've been DMing. Listen, here's the deal, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Who?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, for sure. This is a type of girl.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Of course. And so was Tiffany in my high school. There was a girl named Tiffany who could rip. Yeah, I know. It's weird. Tiffany with a K. You give her a Dr. Pepper and she could burp the alphabet. There's just a special girl. And one every thousand million that is this. And Kimberly, we've been DMing. I love her so much. This is such a talent. She went on America's Got Talent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
And was like, I'm going to sing a Lady Gaga song. And then she starts singing. She's like, oh my God, excuse me. And then she started ripping and ripping and ripping. It's really funny. She's very funny. I love you, Kimberly. I asked her to do some videos, but then we lost touch because I went to England.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Hero. Oh, you know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
She's stunning. She's talented. What can't she do?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
She's out there being herself. I love it. Oh, Kimberly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You know, all these women out there are like, I'm myself. I'm just a hair of slaying and being myself. But Kimberly's really doing it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You know what I'm saying?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Manuel.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, and they're not. They're just pretending to be like the hot girl. Kimberly 100% is herself. I love it. That's my kind of gal. Remember? Oh, my God. We played that. The pelt that you can make your golden retriever into a pelt. This person stuffed... Their chihuahua, it's been on their fireplace mantel since 2010.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's all creepy sleeping.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Why not?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Can I know exactly what happened to her?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, it's the same thing my mom would do. Like, foreigners mess up these sayings.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Got it. Got it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, it's because he bites them. Oh, it was hard to laugh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I don't like that clip, like that image of it dangling, that he's nibbled it and it's dangling, it's going to go in the jar.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So she probably wanted to say, I'm only 21. And then she said, 21 in the burning. Because she thought it was funny in her mind. It's not an age reference. You know what I'm saying?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Wait, is that a deal-breaker if I start keeping... Fuck yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You know, in Indian culture, it's bad. I can't even look at this. You should not keep your nail clippings. My Indian stepdad used to burn his in the fireplace. Why? It's just believed it's bad luck to leave parts of your body laying around. It's like bad spirits will take it or something. I'm really going to get sick. You don't want to do that. You don't want to do that. That's so good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Well, I am. I think there's Marmite on there or Vegemite.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, no, it's just butter. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, this guy's fucking ripped, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, he is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
For sure. Yeah. This guy's perfect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
For what, my kids?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Hey, by the way, our sons found nunchucks at the toy store. And I was like, this is... That's the beginning of the end. I go, listen, if this hits my head or one of your heads or the cat's head, anybody's fucking head, I'm taking them away. So far, so good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
No, of course. Foreigners, but that...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Still, you can still fuck each other because they're swinging them over their heads and it's going to go down. They're going to fuck up our house with this fucking nine-shot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So jacked.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
She should cry now. That's bad. She definitely shouldn't have touched the hair. They shouldn't have touched the hair. That's a bad choice. Look how disappointed they are.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
What do you think is the story?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I don't know, but definitely they made a bad choice with this haircut.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Maybe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
No, that's not it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But they don't, you know, they think it sounds like something.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
What is this? Autumn. Just wait. That's Jasper.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Jasper the cat. That's Chloe, the dog. Okay. That's Tikani. Tikani.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Pekingese.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But here's the problem. I'm still not sure what gender they were at the end of that haircut. That's why I keep saying they I don't know what we were affirming. I honestly do you know what they were trying to go for?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
They look like masculine women. I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Just keep going with it, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's just nice animals.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But what is he saying, most importantly?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's so stupid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Sad. I don't like his whispering. Now I'm smelling her underwear. So the other wife, the woman left him. And now all he has is the panties.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's romantic, Tom. Do you do this when I leave?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Would you do this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Why don't you ever get into my dirty pants?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I don't know. I wish you would. Right? Strike.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Boom. That's the Tappy Tappy. You didn't know the Tappy Tappy?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Of course it is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, I know. Yeah. He looks like a bottle of Tabasco.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Do you want to see the animals again?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Fuck off.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I hate you, fist pig.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You already think she's ancient because you were seven.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So it doesn't matter to a kid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, I am. You have no scale. You're so old. You have no scale for that. Yeah. Well, happy Smurf Day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
We're going to celebrate you tonight. We're just going to have dinner at the house, I think.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
No, they're going to come over, of course. I haven't bought you anything. That's fine. Because what do you buy the guy that has everything?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, stop with this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Can I tell you what you've done with every gift that I've ever given you ever? Here, hand this lipstick to me. Pretend like I'm you. I'm you and it's your birthday.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, thanks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's what you do every time. Thanks. Put it away. I swear to God. And then I'll never see it again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You don't care about getting gifts. You're a gift giver.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I know what you want.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Blow me up, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I get it. I get that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You are so old. You should get a facelift this year. Adjust your lower lefts. Get those done.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Do we know why he lost his love of life?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yeah, it's an existential crisis.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Right. And mind you, he's no spring chicken. He's well into his 30s. I'd venture almost 40.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
And he's been doing nothing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, you don't want that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
We got to get into the show.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, this is so cool. There's got to be other gentlemen out there that have lost.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Thank God. What is life without fisting your own asshole?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh my gosh, and I tell you, the best part is you go on their website, you take their quiz, and dependent upon how you sleep, are you a side sleeper?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Do you sleep on your back? Do you like soft, hard, whatever?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, it's fantastic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Fist pigs.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Fist pick. That's fantastic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's a very specific niche brand.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
It's working for him. But do you think porno stars like the women out there are like, my pussy's so battered? No, because your pussy's meant for it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
Please.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
How you say?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
I forget how do you say. My first language.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
How you say in English?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
Oi, anyone know something? Go on to the UK soon.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
It's your birthday.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
It's your birthday. Happy birthday.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
Yes, he is, and I'm not looking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
He's like, yes, sir. He's like, for fuck's sake. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
That was terrifying. Let's watch it again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
I don't like you. You know what? Let's watch it again. I just got inspired from your artwork. No!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
I don't want to listen to it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
He's doing a gag.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
Can you even curl your lip under?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
You think that's really what it looks like?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
That is his lip, I guess.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
I hope your lip looks like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
You have foot in your teeth, a big black thing, and I'm not going to tell you where.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
That's not it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
That one looks better.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
Who did it, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
I'm nuts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
That's true, Tom. Good point.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Murder, Mystery, And Mommies w/ Susan Hendricks | Your Mom's House Ep. 793
Jesus.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's been out for a week or two.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It does, and especially he has such a sense of entitlement. If you would look at his body and his looks, and he's considered a sex symbol in France and has been since the 90s. Yeah. And it's appalling that he's considered a sex symbol, firstly. And secondly, the good news is he's 76 now. He's always looked 76. By the way. He's grown into his age.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And he's nude in films. That's how we got wind of this guy, is that he's nude like that in films, and he's the sex symbol.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Even when he was with, what's her name in that movie, Green Card, is what broke him in America. He wasn't that cute then.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And also, I like the suspenders with the pants to really accentuate the bulge of the stomach.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Same theme.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And if he didn't have facial hair, we could see more of that face.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I mean.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Of course. He's French, babe. They don't give a rip.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
They don't fucking care.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
But usually, don't the French fat shame? I think they're very big on being thin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So I'm shocked.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, because he's a big wino.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, he's a big drunkie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
That's a little entitlement. Okay, if he's sober, that's a lot of entitlement there. Of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, because how many calories is a bottle?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's like drinking like three milkshakes, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
How many calories? It's got to be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
That would put me in the hospital so bad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I guess Netflix has a hit on their hands and they wanted to make another.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You know how sick you would feel?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And that's before eating food.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. So if he gets a pizza or a 10... Look at his hooshie. Oh my God, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It looks so good, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
He looks good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, I'm dying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, you start with champagne.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Pastits.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
We didn't even know about the hard liquor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It says a dip our day. What a piece of shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Doesn't that bother you? It bothers me as somebody that grew up with limited means and then now we have means. It's like if you are blessed enough in this world to have health, money, and this guy's case, fame, looks, maybe when he was younger, and to piss it away every single day, fuck you. No, I know. Fuck you and fuck your mother.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, so kill yourself and stop pissing on planes. God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Wowzers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
He drank the whole time. Did Bert drink while he was doing the 5K?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Alcohol the whole time?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
That's so good. But he looks amazing. Yeah, that's different. He can do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, he seems fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
How long do you think Burt is going to keep his shirt off? Is this going to be a career-long, lifelong thing? Do you think he's going to do this in his 70s?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Is he doing like late night circuit shirtless as well?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. Husha. There's actually, I learned a new word, but it's, I forget now. Hushik. Hushik? Husha is a stomach. Hushi is meat. And I've created that word hushi that you say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's as meats is what I'm saying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Like a hushi bear. It's not a real word.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
a big pig okay
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
A Southern gay?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's too normal, and I'm waiting for the turn.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, I think I sent this one. Oh, shit. God, this is so troubling, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, I wanted to show Annie. It was specifically for Annie. Oh, hey, what's up, Annie?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Exactly. That's what I wanted to show you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So fun. I have to also give a shout out both to your credit and to Rob Eiler. Rob Eiler went into acting retirement for 20 years. And this project brought Rob Eiler out of retirement.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So I think it's a big white lady, and then I'm not sure what the other person.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's Nigeria.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Remember that one we watched where she went to Nigeria, and his friends were clowning her in the airport?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
They were like, she's so fat, brother. She's too fat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Even he was like, you are so much bigger.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So fat. I think I read some, or no, I wouldn't even read. It was just a TikTok video of what's most important to men is definitely that their wife stays in decent shape and stays trim. Because I do think it is mucho depressing when you marry somebody who looks gorgeous
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's hard.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. I mean, we all know those couples. And you're just like, you know that a she's not happy. He's not happy. No, it's not happy. Nobody's happy there. Except for those two. What do you think, Annie? They look thrilled.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's cock thoughts all day, every day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, that's all he wants is dick stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Pretty amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I mean, this is just a stranger. This is a conversation between two strangers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Of course. But women put the brakes on it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Because we're like, what are you talking? I don't even know you, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, and the women that would be open to that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
They're not the marrying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
He's so talented. And also, I mean, am I allowed to spoiler alert a little bit about there's a Steven Seagal thing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's like that Australian girl that's like banging thousands of people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
She's like, I can't wait to be stretched out today. I can't wait to be put in a hospital. I'm like, ugh, so nasty. I don't even want to say her name.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So gross, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Wait, what part don't you like? They're just talking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
This is unreal. I know. You got to be gay. I think you need to be gay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, with all your cock thoughts and your dreams and your wishes and your hopes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So I was on just like TikTok scrolling today and Steven Seagal was there. Yeah. And it was a replica of what you were making fun of him as.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. Yeah. Mine's just a gross couple friendship.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Don't you have a folder of cool stuff?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You don't show any what's in the folder.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, this is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Here's my question. I wish we had a gay here. Is that they're so indiscriminate, these gentlemen. Are they attracted to each other or does it even matter? Do you know what I mean, Tom?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Does it even matter that they both find each other attractive or is it just I'll come anywhere, anytime with whoever? You answer. You're familiar with this community.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
This is for gays watching and listening. I'm sure there's a couple, just two of you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Does it matter if you're even attracted to the guy talking to you? Is it just about coming?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, got it. They could be pigs if you really, really want it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Wow. See, women, we're not like that. Not built like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
This guy looks awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I like this guy. I like them black and gay because I know that upsets anyone more when it's his tribe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's half tribe, meaning the black side.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Guys, buy my lipsticks. ChristinaP.com. Get all the flavors, all four colors. It's the perfect for right now. ChristinaP.com. Thank you to everybody that bought my lipsticks for Mother's Day. I hope your lady enjoyed them. I love making them. I'm wearing the perfect red right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I wore the perfect red to your premiere.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
No, I don't like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I'm not into this gay shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
How'd that make you feel?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And Spookily is dressed like the same way that you dressed like him in this show.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
That's not even a setup. It's like, why even have this stuff in gay movies? Just fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's so sweet. They're so in love.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
They're so in love.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Say good morning, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Look how cute they are.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Tom, why don't you? Tom doesn't even nibble me like those two gay gents. You don't nibble me like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, I like this one, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I love these. You can show me these all day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, he's been starving in the desert.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I don't want to go down this route. This is fine for me to never explore. Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
That was moose soup for sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I don't want any part of that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I understood it. She made it very clear. What is wrong with you? I have sons. I don't want to think about this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, it's cool that she's super turned on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Bye-bye. Well, it's not even like if this woman is a sex worker and she's like, and then I had to do what I had to do. She's like, I loved it. I'm like, oof.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You belong with these people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So, as predicted, by the way, she's been, you know, annoying for a long time because she's on The Voice, I think, as a judge. And she went to space and everybody was like, why didn't we just leave her in space? Because she's insufferable. Well, she's touring now. What she is passing off as dance moves is pathetic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You're supposed to do this stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
But if you're going to do a show like she's doing on this scale... Big shows. It should be tight. Watch her moves. She's not even moving her legs. Just her arm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. It really... He looks like the parody of himself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
What is happening? This is what my five-year-old, six-year-old does when he comes home from kindergarten. They're cheering for this? Well, their fans are dumber than she is. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, and the backup dancer is just as lazy. Look, he's doing the same shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Even I could do better than that, and I'm no dancer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I put energy into it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I don't know, and her hair looks stupid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. She doesn't even move her leg. Her legs are locked. And she's just moving her arms, yeah. Yeah. Was that guy, was it Frankie Valli? We were making fun of him because he's 90. He's got more energy in his performance.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
How do you go from being, I mean, he was really like a hot shit thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's literally the joke.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
He did. What an amazing thing to overcome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So what a good friend you are.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Thanks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, can I tell you why? So I've never seen a Broadway show because I am a hayseed. I'm very uncultured. I'm from Los Angeles. We don't do those things. And we're in New York, Jewdork Titties.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
my agent Andrew Russell says you have to go see Mike Birbiglia's show The Old Man in the Pool right am I saying the title right because it's been a while yeah and so Chase O'Donnell and I go to see him and the day and I'm like oh this is just gonna be I just I just hate this kind of stuff I'm not artistic and you know Mike Birbiglia is so smart and he doesn't curse and he's not a derelict like me and anyway I got I'm gonna cry because it your show was so thoughtful oh my god I am gonna cry
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And the topic was so hard to do in such a funny and thoughtful way. And I don't want to give away the ending, but what you do at the very end of that show has stuck with me for years. And now here's the crazy thing. So I see your show and then a year later I'm dealing with breast cancer. And I just remember your show and about that moment at the end, which I won't give away. And I was like, wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And that's, it just carries with me because when you realize how finite this all is and how fragile life is and you start to really go for things that you normally wouldn't and you don't give a shit what people think about you as much and you just go for it. And anyway, I want to thank you and you should all see it because he's fantastic. Even though I know you're not running it anymore.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I'm sure it's on Netflix though. Oh, we'll fucking watch that too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Okay, so tell me about the new one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
He's brilliant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, really? Well, yeah. Let's watch it tonight.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Tom, I think you nailed it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I just got the chills. Well, because that happened to us where you just get a phone call one day. Oh, my God, I'm going to cry again. And there's like, you just get a phone call.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
One day you think you're just living your life. And then it turns out you're going to just fight for your life. And you're like, but I was just on the ship that was doing. What are you talking about? I'm fine. No, no, no. You're going to be fighting for your life. And then you win. And you're like, oh, my God, what do I do now? Hopefully I get another 20 years or whatever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
If you're lucky, you just don't fucking know. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And you got the beard, the hair.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And the caption I saw was like, the Aikido champion.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Just repeat that. There are people who may not be familiar. So just repeat what you just said. Cause it's wild.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
The words are so comedic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I'm awfully happy for you. I'm proud of your genes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So wait, how do they prevent you from doing this now? Do they strap you to bed every night?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's been fun watching you have fun. Do it. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's going to be really good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I never got booked at all.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I'm excited and amazed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And remember you'd have to write like six checks, NACA West, NACA South.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Is that just me? Am I the idiot that got duped into writing six checks?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
We did the premiere in LA and Austin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
How did you get to Broadway with it? How did you go from like, I'm a stand-up comedian to I'm going to break into this world that's so, at least to someone who grew up in Los Angeles, so foreign?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Because they seem very... Some of them are into it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Nathan... How did you get to know Nathan Lane?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
We partied. It was a good time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You danced for like one song.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I can't tell when you're having fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Having fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Tom, your show's out today.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
But what a difference, too, in performing, because as stand-ups, like Tom and I are more club comedy people, I guess our origins, like you were doing college as we were doing clubs. And the difference with Broadway... I've seen clubs do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I'm just fucking with you. But what stands out to me, I think I'm projecting because I'm more of a dirtbag, I like that environment, is people actually listen when you're doing a Broadway show and they're not incoherently drunk or vomiting and it's a different dynamic entirely.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You're not contending with any of it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You seem happy today, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Your skin looks good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
The Cleveland Improv?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yo, and they'd send me there, a little white girl, just trying to live. And I remember, like, prostitutes and johns getting thrown out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I remember one time I had a club owner. I was touring with another female comic. Instead of offering payment, offered us his ex-wife's fur jacket.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So that was kind of neat. There was no gun. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Of course. I was like, money, dummy. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I'm going to write down the name of this club.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Hold on. I know what I know. Do you know? I don't know. Is it this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I think I remember this happening. This is around when we got married, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Before you have a good agent, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Anything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Because you're so desperate to get good at this thing. But that's why you're entitled to make the money when you finally do break through. It's like, this was 15 years of La Quinta Inn.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, dude. Give me the money.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
When I signed with Andrew Russell, I go, all right, I got a few conditions. Number one, I don't share a room with the other female act. And book me a hotel that has indoor-facing doors.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And he goes, Jesus Christ, what happened to you? Right. Because, yeah, it's just torture. They're like, why aren't there more women in stand-up comedy? Well, because you go through this. You have to be so severely damaged as a woman to put yourself in this world.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Or, well, what's worse, that or the comedy condo?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
but it's covered in jizz.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And how many people have keys to that place?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, I hate that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Remember, he's dead now. I don't know if he's resting in peace. Glacier? Yes. Who, who? Craig Glacier.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I can say stuff about him now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Okay, so Craig Glazier wrote a book about himself. He was such a criminal. He would pick me up for morning radio in tearaway sweatpants.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Kansas City.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Stanford in science.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yes, the Glazier brothers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Let's make sure before we continue with the story.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, bro. He's fucking dead, right? Yeah, he's dead as of 2018. But his brother, I don't know if that guy's still alive. Anyway, Glazier was a super cool dude. Okay, Jack's dead too. He'd pick you up from morning radio at 5.30, 6 a.m. to promote Stanford and Sons. Not to be confused with Sanford and Sons, the TV show in Kansas City. And then he'd come in and he'd be like, you preparing stories?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And I was like, I guess, yeah. And then he'd sit in on your radio so that he was on a mic too and participate.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
He's good. And then you get in the car with him and they go, What do you think your grade was for radio?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I'm going to give you a grade, Christine. What's your grade? Oh, jeez. And I'm like, I don't know. Pre-A plus, pre-grade. He's like, B plus, maybe B minus.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Real mean.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, because you're not moving tickets from local.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
There's a few like Pittsburgh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It's giving me anxiety just talking about it. Or they would get mad at me because I wouldn't show up all dolled up. Like, you guys didn't show up dolled up, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
It was six in the morning and I just... I wouldn't wear pajamas.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
But I wear like... I just flew in the night before. I just... Normal. And they're like, way to dress up, Christine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You are so horned up. I got to tell you. Yeah. What's going on? It should be called bad thoughts. It should be called cock thoughts. Because everything out of your brain is just dick, dick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And I'm like, I don't care. No one can see me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
No one can see this, dummy. Why are you bringing it up?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
See, I think coming up in L.A. is different because, you know what I mean? Like, you're going to see all the heavy hitters at the comedy store every week. Yeah, New York, too. If you're going to bite some guy's act, some big, everyone's going to know immediately.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You can't do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
No. You all right? I'm fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
That's probably why you guys are funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
See you later. Well, my dad at first was like, you are an embarrassment to the family. You are not funny. You are vulgar.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, he tells me what a piece of shit I am. And then he started bringing his dates. He's like Hungarian, right? Yeah, both my parents were Eastern European. And then he would bring his fucking hoes to my shows. Like if I was doing like a club in a good city. To impress them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And then I became like dinner night entertainment. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, you don't get to do this. Remember, I'm a piece of shit. I'm not funny. And then he got mad at me because I wouldn't let him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
What's your mom like?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I didn't even get to hear about that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You said you had a bad thoughts story.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
He looks so happy. What'd you say to him? Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I love him. I mean, I've already, I know this guy. He's hot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Why can't you do a nice show like this one?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, that's great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
What a unique... Isn't that amazing? So we just got like the depths of horror of comedy and then how random that you get to meet the Pope doing... Because you're a comedian. No, it's so strange. Yeah, there's so many great things to it as well.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, spend some time in Texas. You'll learn about it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
No. I was like, he does control the weather.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Okay, here's what I started doing. Here's what I started doing. I make it fun for them, okay? You weren't there, but I gave you the recap of this the other night. The two boys are at dinner, and I like to drill them on very important things. For instance, I'll just do like a pop quiz. Hey, what kind of woman are you going to marry? Someone who's nice, not just pretty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Somebody who treats me the way mommy treats daddy. Great. Next. Hey, what if some kid says we should ditch school and go smoke some pot at my house? What do you say? Fuck no. And he can say fuck and no and he gets excited and then I drill him. Hey, let's get drunk and drive in the car. Hell no, mom. Right? I did that the other day. If you make it like fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Smoking is for losers, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, they're nerds and losers. And they're stupid because I know it's the law. It's fine. But you should not ride your bicycle in traffic. And I know that's the way of the land. I just think it's not very safe. I don't want my children to do it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And I want them riding motorcycles. Motorcycles are for idiots, too. I put the seeds in very early.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
You have a girl, though, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I grew up in a concrete jungle. I'm fine. Boys need to pick up snakes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
No, I was born in Canada, and then we moved to L.A. when I was, like, four.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
But boys need to pick up snakes and throw them. Oh, boys need snakes? Okay, great. They need to put holes in things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Does your girl wrestle you? Was she active like that? No, she doesn't wrestle.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
you're not good at ballet like you're great at ballet it's just we're crying because we're emotional sure about everything yeah we think that our kids give a rip that we're in show business could not care less yeah every time i talk to her about it she's like i don't really care i don't want to talk about it the only thing my kids were remotely interested in was when i did is it cake an episode of is it cake so get on is it cake no no if i got on is it cake
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
No, man, I jockeyed. The minute I saw it. That was great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Fucking pull me up on Izzet Cake. Oh, I was amazing. No, I mean, did I guess correctly? No. Did I look great? Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I brought Tupperware. And you were funny. I had a good time. Yeah. No, I'll tell you why. It is very difficult. Here's why. I don't know if I'm allowed to tell. No, I can tell this. So, you know when they flip the thing and the thing rotates?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Real cake jiggles when it stops. So that's why they have you turn your back so that the cakes settle.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
So you turn around. Otherwise, you could tell straight away, but it's at a distance, too, so you can't tell sometimes, but no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Was I your agent? Or do you know T. Swift?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And then we took her to the concert.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, that's wonderful.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, she's very talented.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I heard she has to train really hard and stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And you know what's so funny? I pretend like I'm all goth and cool, which I am. But then I'll be like... I'd be like, Taylor Swift fucking sucks. Wait, except for this one song. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, damn. And then you find yourself singing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Was there an Asian lady injecting them?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
They're good looking people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I don't want any of that. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to go to a facility. I do want to buy a house maybe for comedians and we can just hire a staff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, a comedy condo. The last comedy condo.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
that's what we call it the last comedy condo and if you've been a comedian and you can come there and we'll all convalesce and like die together and how much fun this is the best idea I've heard in years thank you because you'd have you've had a few laughs and you go back to your room and then it would be like sitting at the table except you live there yeah and drugs it has drugs so many drugs prostitution we're joking about it but it's legitimately like a solid idea thank you
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
No, I don't have family.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. That's kind of, I don't have family like you and the kids. I don't want to burden my children. No, of course not. And you're going to hopefully die before me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh my God. We'll see.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I know. Fucking... Yeah. I know. I kind of... Really? I only had cancer early. I know, but... Tick cancer, though, not in my organs.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Oh, my God. You know what I mean?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Can I tell you something? I tried this with my dad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
When I was 28, we went to the Dominican Republic together. Yeah. Last vacation he and I took together alone.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
And I tried it. And I was like, Dad, do you think that your traumatic upbringing in communist Hungary may have affected you emotionally? I can see where this is going. And he was like, no. No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
but that's a great no but you guys come sometimes you were there last month yes yes yes Madison Square Garden but like it's you guys should both come on and we should talk about bits because you should definitely do that that's fucking hilarious no self-awareness no self-awareness like but do you one has to be capable of self-reflection yeah not everybody is
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
That's so special.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Because you're mad at them because they failed to meet your expectations.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Why do my mommy and daddy have to be the way I wanted them to be and they weren't?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
What are you going to do?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
What are you going to do?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. She would quiz us at the dinner table. That's a funny hack.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, there's one point where I just wanted them to write letters and stuff and I would let them write curse words on menus and stuff just to spell, to start spelling and writing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. I wonder where he disposed the fluids that were in question. I'd be really curious to know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah, whatever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Maybe he drank some.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Bye, Mommy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Tommy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Maybe you got to have some in your mouth.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
What kind of experiments could you, like, what's the point?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Just like the gays.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Just like the gays.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
What's the, he said to see the use of formaldehyde over time?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
That's right. Watch out, ladies.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I'm a side sleeper, so we got lots of padding, nice and soft. And we sleep cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
On our Helix mattress. It's been fantastic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
That's a deep cut.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
slash y m h i mean i don't know he's just having a good time it sounds like it's more of a good time it sounds like it's just somebody having fun at work maybe we should stop breaking their balls so hard you know and also this is a really bad thought but like apropos uh hey tyann is it so bad i mean the person's dead already they must have signed up to be there right
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Sharkisha, no. That took the intern webs by storm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Her body in an explosions test.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. See, this is why I'm never an organ donor, you know, on your driver's license.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I'm like, I don't want to help anybody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
I don't want to get blown up. I don't want formaldehyde injected into me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Right. I see. I wear these. I can see clearly, but I don't like them. I look stupid. Yeah. It's the dilemma.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
No, like for distance, you know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
But then I look like a fucking, you know, what? Uh-huh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Yeah. Well, that's really special. What a cool, like, behind-the-scenes story that you got to share with your fans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
How exciting is this? Gerard Depardieu convicted of...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Well, because we've showcased him like, what, 12 years ago? We started the Gerard Depardieu meme. We knew something was up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810
Today, bad thoughts is out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Andrew Schulz Is Gay Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 801
no what the fuck is that no you guys all watch awful things a lot of death yeah i just watched what jennifer did last night what's that it's crazy man it's a little uh asian girl and her uh she called like nine was like my parents they're dead i don't know what to do and then they just slowly discovered it was this bitch the whole time oh my god this psycho yeah yeah yeah hold on
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Andrew Schulz Is Gay Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 801
I'll watch that. That shit's fire.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Andrew Schulz Is Gay Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 801
It was just a mistake. It was a misunderstanding. Stop. That happens all the time. I forgive her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Andrew Schulz Is Gay Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 801
This is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Andrew Schulz Is Gay Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 801
Auditory? Because acoustic is kind of, it's like something that people say on socials to like, in place of. That's right. Like you're regarded. He's trying to be funny. What's up, Tom? He's trying to be funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Andrew Schulz Is Gay Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 801
For sure. Yeah. Yeah, I was noticing just because of the framing. Like, look at the Shawnee's framing in every photo. Like, uh-uh. He knows what he's doing. Look at that. He knows.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Andrew Schulz Is Gay Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 801
Do you guys want to know the secret?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Andrew Schulz Is Gay Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 801
Four girls.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Green Wants Garth Brooks Closure | Your Mom's House Ep. 797
She said, think of it more as a conversation. I like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Green Wants Garth Brooks Closure | Your Mom's House Ep. 797
Look at his eyes. I guess in my case, hotel room.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Green Wants Garth Brooks Closure | Your Mom's House Ep. 797
Bitch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Green Wants Garth Brooks Closure | Your Mom's House Ep. 797
O-M-G.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
There you go. That's Tom. Yeah, there you go. Can you lift up the glasses a little bit so we can see your full nose? Yeah, and the older you get, turn to the side, please, profile. Yeah, it's just getting more and more longer, elongated Jewish nature.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Bye.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
When you have allergies and you're very like, ugh, big celiac disease and like... You can't eat certain things. It irritates your bowels. My bowels are bothering me. I hear that a lot from you, Ira.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You're always talking about money.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What was I going to tell you? Now I've forgotten my train of thought. Yeah, French, kind of, sure. I think it's more your attitude, kind of arrogant like the French. I know you like their arrogance and such.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I'm going to make a portrait. Just give me time, people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Choking at the same time. Cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Thanks. Can I put these back on? I can't see. Yeah, put them back on, Dad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Again, I think it's that you look like Ari Schaefer, not that the drawing looks like you. Do you guys think that too? Think carefully before you answer, geez.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Are you happy now?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You've terrorized them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Is this what you want as a celebrity? You want everybody to be afraid of you and just kowtow, cowering in fear. Well, I'm not doing it, Segura. I'm not doing it. I don't care. I'll tell you what. You're going to fire me from your mom's house? Good luck. Good luck. I've got two million people ordering prints that support me here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What a banger.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah. Amen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, is this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was the story again? She told you to.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What bag was it? Was it big? Was it a duffel?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It's a classic sized carry on. It's an overhead. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
That's what he would say in the copy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Wow. Vindicated. And may I say something else, Tom? I would like to congratulate you for getting through that entire speech without choking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And I'm sure the staff appreciates it, too. No, that is sinister. I had no idea. I had no idea. I know. I didn't know. And I always hate that, too, where they're like, you're going to have to check it in.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It's like, dude, why?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
No, and also, you're like the first guy on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Later on. Because you, it stands to reason that you would have enough space to put it. It's insane. Even if it is bigger, but it wasn't. That is so, and those two airlines, by the way, that Senator Hawley is. Oh my God. They're hands down the worst airlines. Yeah, yeah. And I think you guys can, we're not going to say their names, but you can intuitively guess. Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
oh yeah you can figure it out you can figure it out it's it is it's so weird how shitty they can be i know it's like that's probably the most dangerous form of travel and the most you know what i mean like they should be i know that's terrible this whole thing just works people up to like this this whole world of like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And then the holidays are here, and then these poor families are just trying to get across the country to visit grandma.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah. Could you imagine?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You're flying with kids, and they're going to fucking take away your carry-on when you need stuff for the kid in the bag. Yeah. And then they just cancel your flights and they're like, well, guess you're fucked. You're spending the night in Detroit or whatever. That was the worst part of touring for the last 20 years. You would just get stuck in cities.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I would get stuck in airports just overnight. Guess you're sleeping in Hartford. Crazy. What? What? That's it? You're not going to? They wouldn't rebook you automatically on another flight. Remember that shit?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
God, they're just such cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
They got the money.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, they have the money to put you up. Don't you worry about it. By the way, guys, if I were you and you're, I mean, always look up, there's a lot of accounts on TikTok and places to find out hacks. Like if they cancel your flight, you're entitled to whatever voucher. There's always a way. Just look at these fuckers. They're ripping you off. It's just so, it's egregious.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I know, I'm so upset. I fucking hate these.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Okay, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You can't even get out the words. I'm so sad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It didn't greasy? It doesn't burn. It didn't greasy. And here's the interesting part is that Chuck Woolery, for those of you who aren't ancient like I am, hosted a TV show called Love Connection.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
A real goth would have known that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I mean, I think too, it's, isn't it kind of, I mean, it's kind of duplicitous too for an audience. You think you're paying to watch Frankie Valley sing live and then he's singing to the tracks. Okay, fine. That's, that's the gig. Wouldn't you want to put up the audio maybe of a track that he could sing like 10 years ago? Do you know what I mean? Like a recording live? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Not the actual 70s recording. Do you see what I'm saying? Like put up like kind of a coherent performance vocally that he could.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
If he's 90, his fans have to be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Jesus Christ.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You think they're just checked out?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
They're all vampires like him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Can you believe at 90, God bless him, he can still get out there? Yeah. 90, how does he even get to these gigs? He's flying. Tom, is he flying? Do you think he can afford to fly private?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Why at 90? What do you think is going on?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Two and two for like a long time. So he was a professional broadcaster.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Is it a legacy thing? Is he like, I'm going out?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
But his success happened at a time when people made residuals, yeah? He's got so many hits, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Okay, how about this? How many ex-wives does he have? Let's look at the life. Is there multiple kids? Is families on the payroll?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And my mother was smitten with him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Tom, how are you going to ruin your life? I don't know. Now that you're famous and successful and rich and stuff. Are you going to do multiple marriages? Are you going to start a trafficking ring with your buddies on an island? What kind of mayhem are you going to get into?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Does that really exist, that people are like, I'm going to go to Africa and hunt the ivory tusks elephant that there's one left? Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah. So do you think you're going to get into hunting endangered species?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
But I know it's a lot of money, but think about the joy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
He was the matchmaker. And then people, this is before we would video the dates, and people would come on the show and retell the events of the date.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You're top of the heap. Now, hold on. Yes and, as they say in the improv world. I'm going to yes and you. I feel like doing it in a war-torn country is too easy. Like we could drop you in Somalia or Ukraine right now, hand you a rifle, and boom, you're in the war. Too easy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You can hunt and kill first world people. Like New York City. They take you into New York City and you can stab a tourist.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Look at this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What a relaxing vacay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah. Oh, the yachts travel from Djibouti to Somalia. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
From Djibouti and Somalia to Mombasa in Kenya. Perfect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
At least the pirates have the decency to take hostages. These people are just paying to commit murder.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Well, I do like that somebody is capitalizing on what pieces of shit these wealthy people can be. It's really cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Could you imagine?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah, you could totally do that. That's not that crazy. It's not that crazy. But is this in rubles or whatever? No, that's just dollars. Pounds?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
To get hunted by Somalians.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Right, just some poor, desperate person. Yeah, some fucking kid who goes, I don't know what else to do. I'm just trying to feed my family.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
That's really good. It's really good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh my God. Yeah. Lots of Ted. May I just point out that your eye bags really fit the profile. Thank you very much. Thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It was so innocent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah. That one's good. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
The swastika, he really burned in there. Nice, yeah. Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Okay. I like how you know all these fellas right off the bat. I don't even know these guys. Look at that. Wow. That's good. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah, I kind of like you more as Dahmer. You're cute as a bird.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Very cute.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
That one's awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
There you go. Fresh-shaven. That's a younger Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
That's where he was a big-time goofball, and he went into the... Yo, here's a rich guy thing you can get into, is doing pilgrimages to where serial killer stuff happened.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
But that's another rich guy lane. Like, for instance, Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, when he recorded an album, he requested to record it in the Charles Manson Sharon Tate murder house on Cielo Drive.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah. So you can do cool things like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You don't have to be wealthy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Son of Sam. Your hairline's pretty cool there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Dude, he's really talented.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, yeah, look at the smile. You got your grin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
But can I tell you, why not? You're already going down. You're done.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You may as well do a goofy mugshot photo if you're going to go down. Who cares? Oh, my God. Look how sweet you are there. Who's that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah. You look cute there. Sweet. Sweet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah. He really likes you as Dahmer. He did you twice as Dahmer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, that's true. Yeah, you matched that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
No. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Good work, oh my Jesus. Good thing. Good use of talent, huh?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
oh it's just good clean fun there's two things I'm really into right now the diarrhea videos and like these silly call out name ones the diarrhea videos yeah I always like diarrhea I like caca that guy who does like diarrhea tests yeah where he's like look people always tag Christina P and Tom Segura from your mom's house podcast no fucking way
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Which always kills me that people don't just change their name.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What? Is this true, Tom?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Well, I'm still curious about his diarrhea findings. I mean, get to the point, you know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, well, I guess we'll never know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
No! Because I was hoping to get a Thanksgiving one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Thankfully. Thankfully, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah, come on, man. Don't start doing what you're good at.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Of course I know Will Blunderfeld.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I mean, unless he was goofing on Chuck, which he may have been.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
No way. Yeah, it's pretty cool. That's cool. I like to see his early work.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I'll play the clip.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
He's so grabby.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Look, I love Will. I love you, Will. I'll tell you what I don't like, Tom. Tell me. What is hard for me to watch, I should say. I love him. I love his anus. I love his body. I think he's fantastic. He's just a little...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
He's just so, and his fingers are bigger than mine because he's a man, you know, and I just, I feel for his anus because it's a little too grabby. You don't like your anus. I don't consider my anus a sexual, for me it's just caca, caca comes out. Yeah. I'm not into putting stuff in there, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I love him so much.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah, dude. Good audio, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah, you might want to go outdoors where maybe it's quiet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
recorded in the stands there you go happy thanksgiving he's great so he's absolutely my favorite yeah i do like that he puts ice in red wine look you're floridian he's an outlier oh he's definitely he's a creator an inventor but your floridian relatives all put ice in their white wine yes why not put it in the red
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Why not?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What rule is that? There's no rules. Yeah, you can do whatever the heck you want.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You know what I love when he, which is so true because it's such a subtle distinction when he's like, you feel the grease. going down your throat. And you're like, yeah, that's the joy of eating a processed meat is the grease runs down your throat. You know, I never thought of it. It's so good. He's right. He's right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I'm sweating. I'm so excited.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, yeah. Tony John. And he's fired.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And he's gone. He does such a great impression of Tony.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
yeah richard hitler you didn't think to change your last this guy's parents how do you not just petition to just go buy something else well it's so listen women do it all the time when you get married you go down to the social security office you go to the dmv you bring the license you change your name and you change your name yeah You can just do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I cannot. Hold on. Before we even get into it, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
This might be like one of the greatest moments in YMH history.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I would say this could be as monumental as the time we called Robert Paul Champagne.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I mean, I've loved Tony Johns for years, admired him, laughed with him, enjoyed his work. And now we're going to speak with him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh my gosh. Okay. Can I pee first? Cause I'm like so excited. Yeah, sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I did. I'm just so nervous.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Hi, Tony. Hey, what's going on, you guys? Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited to speak with you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You can change your name to anything you want. You can, yeah. It's totally possible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
But yeah, God, Chuck Woolery brought us so much joy for so long on your mom's house. Rest in peace. He was great. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I have a question for you, Tony. In a video you said that you reunited with your, you said you found your maternal, your mother?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, okay. I thought there was a video where you said you reunited with your family or with your mother.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
He was sweet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Can I ask Tony, what prompted this complete change in your life?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And that's when you got a DUI baby.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, I have a question, Tony. We know that you've been a ladies' man your whole life. Is there a potential future Mrs. John's?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
That's why he felt like he could pass. Yeah, because on Twitter there for a while, he was getting real spicy. Yeah. I remember he was getting real.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Well, let me tell you something, Tony. Yeah. Everybody at the YMH family is rooting for you. Yes. We are thrilled that you have your life in such a great place. And we're all rooting for you. And will you please let us know if you do get married?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Hey, you guys. Have a good night. Hey, you too, bro. I love you, Tony John. All right. Thanks, you guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Bye. Bye.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What? Dude, that is, look, in the history of YMH cool guys, we have yet to have one completely turn his life around.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You never. You don't make it out alive.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I am deeply actually moved by Tony's story. I mean, he really turned his shit around. We didn't think this guy was going to last.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You mean you didn't contribute to Trump's campaign?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
God bless every one of us, even Tony Johns.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I know what you're going to bring up. You do? I've been thinking about it every day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Why is he a piece of shit?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? I felt that he wasn't a good person and Nora was his wife. They were gross. When they came in, I could tell they weren't nice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I think just the sheer volume of people going and getting in and out of the area. And what a disaster. Just regardless of who's being inaugurated.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Do you know that our children are so modest they won't do that? Like, I've offered, like, hey, put a towel around you. No. This man, the audacity of somebody to show their balls and their old ass to everybody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
The Cool Guy Club. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
But what's interesting about... So Tom and I... I don't think you would disagree with me, but we love people watching. I think you and I are... In addition to our new love of murder together, that's a new thing we're going to get into together. I'm on the JonBenet case. I'm completely whatever. I'm so deep into solving this crime, I'm almost there. But...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
We love observing people in the wild, crazy people. Remember, it was at the same resort. We saw a guy scrub his foot skin off of his feet with the cheese grater that you use to scrape.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I know. I feel like they have to put signs now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
God. Yeah. Ridiculous. And that's one that's burned into my mind every time I go to a public pool now is the guy shaving his feet off and changing. I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I've seen that too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Unforgivable. I've seen somebody eat a bag of hard-boiled eggs. At the fucking... At the terminal. That is so disgusting and smelly, guys. Come on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Looks like Rob Eiler. Whoa. I hate you. He's so great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You know you're going to vomit. Just for people listening, it's a guy that pitched and he's puking at the same time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I hate you so fucking much. You just wait for this next drawing. I'm not looking at it again, you shitbag. You think I'm stupid?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
The only inauguration I would go to and pay for is Will Blunderfeld.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Why do you have to ruin my day? I was so happy to talk to you. I was too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You're such a fucking asshole.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
No, that makes me happier.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
When he wins, I'll go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Do you think people are really discussing this topic right now?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I don't know. I mean, if I had to choose between my anus or my mouth, I'd do my mouth.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
He might run for Prez.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, my God. I had a Pajitsky effect this morning. Hold on. Never mind. Please read what Leona or Tanner just put up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, that's true. Prime Minister?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
No, you don't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Can I tell you my Pajutski effect? Can I tell you my Pajitsky effect that I had this morning? Sure. So for those of you who don't know, that's when you realize you've been doing something stupid your whole fucking life. And then you're like, oh, I don't have to be stupid and dumb and retarded. I can just do something. I can just do something different. Yeah. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
The way our bathroom is set up, the towels are on the other end of the bathroom and the shower is here. Okay. Because there's the cupboard, but it's on the other end of the thing. Every fucking day, I forget to get myself a towel out of the cupboard and walk it over to the shower. I forget. So now I'm getting out of the shower and I'm fucking cold and wet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And then I got to tiptoe on the slippery ass tile.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
To get a fucking towel. And you know what I realized today, Tom Seguera?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I can put a towel rack directly outside of the shower so that I just reach.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Where?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, but I put my shower caps on there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I agree, I agree. Hold on, hold on, hold on. That's if you remember to put a towel on the rack. I'm saying if I get a shelf, sorry, that's a word I should have used, a shelf.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And you stack like five towels on the shelf right there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You're kidding. I swear. He's my favorite. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Buddy, buddy. I mean, now I'm living in luxury. What am I fucking?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You're hunting Somali pirates? I'm toweling off.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, my God. We got so excited. God, today is just, I woke up this morning beyond excited about what's going to happen. There's a lot going on today.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
So Tippi Hedren, the famous actress that was in like Hitchcock movies, had a fucking pet tiger. Gregory. Gregory.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And just bite her head off. And he's fucking huge. He's enormous.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And that's the thing is these dummies never think that their beloved pet tiger is going to attack them. Did she die by her tiger? I hope so. Let's look it up. I really hope so. At the very least, I hope that the tiger ate her dead body.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
This is a whole lane of the talk where women are reclaiming their menstrual cycles. Some of them are free bleeding into lakes and rivers. Some of them are rubbing the blood on their faces.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Read it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I know. Maybe she's, I don't know. I don't know how she's doing it. I don't know how she's doing it. She's 94. Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
so frail that tippy's a snack for that that's melanie griffith's mom i had no idea i didn't know that i guess she's a legacy family okay excuse me what god look can i tell you something there there is a point where you do too much shit to your face that you can't take it back that's happening left and right now this is the era of too much shit to your face we're living in it doing too much shit to your face
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You got to do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You got to do that. I mean, stop doing this. You got to look old, dude. It's okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Fuck. I'd rather look old and weird.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What the fuck?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
At first, I forgot I curated this. I thought it was Sour Belts. And I was like, I fucking love Sour Belts. No. Well, those aren't Sour Belts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Those are matey belts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Please, somebody, tell Holly he still loves her. Jeff still loves you. It's Chuck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, Chuck loves you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
He's in his tent out there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, my God. They still make those?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Is tap-out still real?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It's been a while. It's like FUBU.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
So this... Do you guys... Holy shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
So if you really love your dog, I mean, only if you really love your dog, when it dies, you can make a pelt out of its dead corpse so that you can lay it down on the floor. In front of the fireplace.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And here's the thing. That is fucking crazy. Here's the deal, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
For a fucking real pet pelt. Here's the thing. You and I love pets, obviously. We're obsessed with our animals. I'm kind of torn because, hold on, you know how much we love Feef. Do you think you can see where is Feef? Oh, wait, where's his six tits?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
But don't you love them? It's like, yeah, you get to see them, but you get to see them in kind of a fucked up way. Kind of fucked up? Not see them at all.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I mean, like, do you want to see a mushed sad virgin?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What about, I mean, what about taxidermy? You could just stuff your... No, I think you just say goodbye.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Ah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Rock climbing. Tom loves this. Cave climbing, I should say. So right now, I'm... Oh, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
This is a guy who's got a snake attached to his forehead, biting it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
But can I tell you that I don't think I would have the wherewithal to just allow the snake to finish. You'd have to just skin graft my forehead. Just rip the skin off.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah, you dummy. How do you get bitten in the face? That means you're face-to-face with a snake, stupid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I don't know yet. I think he, can I tell you what happened in my mind? He says, oh, green snake. And then he leaned down with his friend and he was like, I'm going to put my face in the face.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And then he latched on. Well, how the fuck does a snake get to your forehead?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
That doesn't fall from a tree and just bite your forehead at that angle. He leaned down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I agree, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Poor whoever speaks, I guess, I think it's Tagalog. Whoever is speaking is like, they're very upset with us right now. Why? What do we do? Because your pronunciation is not very good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah, this guy is totally bluffing. Yeah. He's not looking for a cuddle date.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah, he's lying. He's fooling us.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I've fallen for it in college and stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I fucking totally fell for this like freshman year.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I know. I fell for it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Oh, yeah. The movie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Okay. Bye-bye now. My asshole. My asshole.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I had so much fun. So did I. So much fun with you, James.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Bye, Jeans. Oh, yeah. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Me too. Can I tell you, I woke up this morning just so lathered up to come into the studio and record today's episode just knowing the vintage YMH stuff we have. And not only that, I would like to take an opportunity here. If you haven't bought your Christmas gift for your lady or gender neutral person in your life that loves lipstick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Could be a guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It's not just for women. It's for cats. It's for pets. It's for whatever you want. The Perfect Four. These are all four of my lipstick colors, Atomic Red, Madison Berlin, and of course, the Perfect Red comes in the package. Buy it now. I'm wearing Berlin today to show you how moody. Oh, yeah. Aren't I seductive and weird a little bit and mysterious? Is that called Berlin? Yeah, it's called Berlin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Thank you. That's the whole point. I was so inspired by my trip.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Exactly. Okay. And exactly. And I tell you what, you buy this lipstick for your lady. Yes. She's going to squat over your face.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You know, you don't think you're overreacting a little bit?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Tom, for those of you who don't know what he's referring to, it was the choke heard around the world.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It was just scary.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I got scared. I thought you were dying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
We just were worried. I mean, weren't we all concerned?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What made you choke? Netflix.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You're spicy today, Tom. You're zesty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
And that's why you fired everybody and you brought in this team. This is unbelievable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You don't think this is a little overreactive?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Tom, let's go over the moment of the choke.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
What happened?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
So I was speaking and I just had a little... Do you think the saliva was because you had a roogie? Did you have a roogie in your mouth?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
This is not a plug.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Great gift. Great gift. So let's get back to the choke. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Were you reading something there? I was getting ready.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Time to chop their heads off. Off with their heads. Yeah, because what struck, I think, the former staff and I was you didn't acknowledge the choke. And usually broadcasters or even Chuck Woolery would be, Oh, excuse me. Pardon me. Yeah. Maybe I, Oh my goodness. You know, and you decided, Oh my goodness. Yeah. Whoopsie. Whoopsie Daisy. I choked.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You didn't acknowledge it. What, what was going on in your mind?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
I didn't. I thought you were having a seizure and I thought maybe you were going to collapse. And I was just happy that you were, yes, still talking, but the fact that it was the unacknowledgement of the choke that people were really taken with. I thought it was, yeah. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It's taken over the YMH world. I know. A lot of people have. The choke heard. I'm going to be producing another piece of art to commemorate. Oh, for fuck's sake. The choke. Just give me some time. I'm working on it. These things take hours for me to draw.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It takes days and hours and weeks. Yeah. There's my portrait.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Well, hold on. First of all, I'd like to support everyone that purchased a print of my portrait of Tom. Thank you for supporting the arts. Here's the deal, man. This is what I thought, because Ari claims that my portrait looks more like him. He does. Hold on. Is it that the portrait looks like Ari or that you look like a Jew? Have you thought about your Jewish features?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Niana's laughing at the booth. Is she going to get fired too?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
You don't think that you have a Jewish... It is the nose. Everybody can see the nose is very... Oh, you just look at his profile just now. Look at that. It hangs over a lot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
Is Josh Zolo still around? No, he's gone. We have a...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789
It is Christmas time. Let's look at some features. That's great, guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And then I tried to get his approval too as his daughter for years. You ever think about that fucked up game? Wow, I'm so glad I didn't marry a guy like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You know what I mean? Sure. I could have done that, Tommy. That could have been me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You're replaceable as shit, bitch. Oh, I like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That would put, that would be like, it's too much. Too close to the bone.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
For sure. By the way, now that I've had colonoscopy clean, the day is now if we wanted to butt fuck because there's nothing in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
There's nothing in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
today. I just had the thing in my bee yesterday.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Aren't you not supposed to butt fuck after?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Do you think gay guys have cleaner bees than we do?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Like way more.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
For sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
wow, what am I missing out on? Then I guess the gay- You're missing out on a lot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
The gay community, their asses are clean like that all the time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
We'd love to.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And I think you're jealous and you're just showing off a little bit. You're peacocking a little. Does that sound familiar?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
This is spooky. My dad's a real N. I didn't realize that. I was raised by a strong black man. This is a thousand percent his game. Yeah. And so my dad is crazy. Wait, did you hear the wife? He's like, I told my wife.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
So he's married and he's doing all that. He's running game.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's so good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I mean, look, it's definitely a lane of courtship. Like we've talked about this before with, what's his name? Tom. Blow me up, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He was an overweight radio DJ in Los Angeles.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Tom Likas. And his whole thing too is like, dump that bitch. Don't spend a dime.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
it's fucking super cool it works with a certain type oh how soon after a colonoscopy can i bottom yeah really important can you read that my eyes can't sure sure uh literally immediately this actually might be the perfect time because you're as clean out as you can ever be but i was thinking yeah someone says you couldn't be more right listen we are trying this tonight we're trying
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Well, I'm a little worried now. No, no, no. Hold on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I haven't made a brown yet since my colonoscopy. Like how long before I make a brown? You got a while.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Guys, Mother's Day is just around the corner. Speaking of awesome fathers, fathers that are real ends. What about the moms that are real out there? Get them the perfect for my lipstick by Christina P. That's me. Go to ChristinaP.com. You can get all four for the absolutely perfect Mother's Day gift. Buy it now so that it gets there in time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Like Michael Jackson?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Tell that bitch. I thank a bitch. I'm wearing Berlin today.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Mm-hmm. That's your farts. Mm-hmm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
We've been talking about this for ages, why you get fartier on the flight. Plain farts. It's confirmed. Also, your farts do smell very sulfuric because you eat a lot of eggs. Yeah, they do. Your farts smell horrible. And because we've been together for 20 years now, I know your smells. Like, I know how they smell.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You have to sleep in a chamber, though. Didn't he sleep in a hyperbaric chamber?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Like I bet if we, okay, hear me out. If we did this as a game, I don't know if I would be open to it. If we had everybody fart into a film container and then I were to smell, like open it and smell it, I bet you I could identify my husband's fart.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. Just on the smells alone.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Hell yeah. Tanner's up for it. I know Tanner's a guy. Niana's down. Yeah, Niana's down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I'm good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He just puts the thing on your nose.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Wow, that's nice. Wow, that's nice to know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
All night. Dude, did MJ just have a doctor all night monitoring him?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You know, I've been asking other friends that we have, married friends, whether or not their husband rips and blows ass in front of them. Not a lot do. Not a lot do. Honestly, like not a lot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Well, I can tell you the Trestles don't blow ass in front of each other, Duncan and Aaron. I'm sure they'd be okay with me sharing that. They don't. I don't want to out people, but Shauna and Jimmy are very close. My best friend since forever. They rip ass in front of each other. Yeah, good. They've been together forever, too, like we have.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
But that's crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Real love. All the other couples that we're friends with, it doesn't happen. It's disrespect. It doesn't happen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Josh, do you fart in front of your lady?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's so toxic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And the real question is, has he ever found those guys who like to fucking fuck good? Do they ever come over? Has he ever had it happen?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
There's got to be one guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's been so many years. Somebody has to have taken up on this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's wild because my brain was totally charred after it. Like I, yesterday I had brain zaps.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And if you haven't, can somebody please take him up?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
This campaign for years. For years.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I'd be so sad too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I'd be so bummed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
But then again, his criterion's a little specific. He does like black guys who like to fucking fuck good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Just fuck. Are you out of jail?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
To any black guy. So all it is is a black guy who likes to fuck. And Latinos. He says Latinos. Oh, and Latinos. So black and Latino. There's a lot of those in New York City.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Predominantly. I mean, it's just...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You know, I remember. I can't believe you went there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Do you remember how you felt when you walked into his apartment for the first time?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, that's right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And then how did you get to talk to him eventually?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. He pity fucked you. Yeah. It was pretty great. You got your roogie and you almost swallowed it there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
What happened to him? I'm sure he's in prison by now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. You're really into these roogies.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You know what? You should sew a roogie pocket in your jackets from now on. That's how much you love those roogies. A dedicated roogie pocket.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Um, what flavor are you into right now? What are you doing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And you got your whole crew into them now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Everybody's into the, I'm converting people too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Dang.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It is so much better for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I'm glad to see RPC's back at it. And he's so horny. Isn't there an age where this decreases? Like, do you think he's at that point where the testosterone... This is probably decreased for him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
See, this is the crazy thing about really rich celebrities is you can find anybody to do anything as long as they don't have morals.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
We played the first video Josh wrote on the board here seven years ago.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. Yeah. Maybe a decade of this. At least. Cole. Yeah. And he's still so horny. And he looks exactly the same. He looks great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Officer Cumdump looks amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He never ages. RPC never ages. He just looks great. He's so horny. He's so fired up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I wish I had an ounce of this fire. Officer Cumdump's a total pig. Total pig.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, it looks great on him. And look at all the hats in the background.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Quite a dissertation.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No. No, he usually keeps it just to the neighborhood. He talks about his stuff at Coney Island.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
But that's where you're wrong, Thomas.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He's multifaceted, and I think what you're seeing is he's developed as a talent. He's gone creatively into different areas. What do you think all those hats are?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No, it looks good on him. It looks good. Oh, wow. Wow. Jesus, look at that physique.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I'm sure he hooked up with George Foreman. He's hooked up with everybody. He knows everybody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Uh-oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He likes some beefy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, there he is with his face mask. That's what chicks do. They like to show themselves in face masks. They're like, oh, my God, I'm so ugly right now. Yeah. Stop. Oh, there he is. He's always rubbing his chest, rubbing his tits. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He's showing you that you can cum on his face. That's what he's using that for.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Can I ask you, though? When you're aroused, are you rubbing your chest like that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's like a girl thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, dude, that's a powerful way to sleep. Honestly, that's a little too much. You're just dead. You're basically dead all night. There he is. Yeah, he looks good. He looks cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, it's a little gay. Well, there you go. Yeah, it's pretty gay. Oh, look at that black guy in his sweater. You like black guys in sweaters?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. Fuck, dude. This is a hardcore feat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And he likes orange cats, too, just like me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Dude, RPC. Wow, a lot of similarities. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I get him. I get him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's a big tit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Fuck, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Nope. He's consistent. If nothing but consistent. Yeah. Happy spring.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
See, that's the thing is the, is the, is the, what's the word? Just the spread of interest. Like it's happy spring and then hardcore black guys and cats.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I don't want to paint him with one brush.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's the same guy. Yeah. Oh, even nine lives weren't enough with you. Oh, I agree. Especially orange boys, they're so special. I know, I love the orange guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And like, who is he taking? Are these stock photos or are these people?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He's just Googling hot black guys and then putting them up on his Instagram.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Mm-hmm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, and then there's Snoopy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I know. Have you had sex with Robert Paul Champagne? Let us know. There's got to be somebody out there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I would like to ask you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Somebody fuck him. I have to pee really bad. Okay. Drink a lot of water.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I pissed, but I didn't piss water out of my butt at the same time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, it was so cute.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It was such a good movie. Super entertaining. They really served the children who play this game. Oh, yeah. And then the odd adult that was in the theater, where you're like, you shouldn't be in here without a kid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
The Ederman. The Ederman. Jason Momoa was amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It was so funny. And Jack Black, fantastic job.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It was a really good movie. They did such a good job. They really did. Yeah, it was really fun. The boys loved it. We loved it. Look at him. I love the outfits they put on these people. Jason has, I love his pink jacket.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
But I do have something really relevant to the YMH world that I'd like to bring to the light.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
So funny. I didn't know he could do comedy. Oh, he was great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, it was a really good movie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, take your kids to see this. I think if they're into the Minecraft.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's a really good wig. It looks like it could be his hair.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's rad. How big is he in real life?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Jesus.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Did he start as like an athlete before he was an actor? No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Shut up, really?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
So, by the way, colonoscopy, no biggie. I really thought it would be way worser than it was. Not a big deal. You drink this nasty shit that makes you basically waterfall dump.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And he was in Game of Thrones. He was banging the Khaleesi.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I mean, nobody's built like that guy. No. Holy mackerel.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, look at him as a baby.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, that's wild, dude. What a career. What a life. What a fun movie, though. He did such a great job.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That was rad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
So I took the boys to see Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, the musical here. And there was like adults watching it alone without kids, which is so weird. And then when we did the Paddington. That's even weirder. It gets even weirder. When we were in London, I took them to the Paddington Bear Experience.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
there were grownups there too without kids. I'm like, what? But then I realized they weren't just any grownups. They were low IQ adults. Okay. No, it's true. Okay. They were low IQ. I'm not saying they were retarded. I'm saying that they were on the cusp on the border. Like there was just above the line.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And like, cause there's, there was this one part of the Paddington bear experience where you go into the kitchen and
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
there's like you know the family kitchen and like the one adult that was alone this guy this low iq adult he was like picking up the fake phone yeah it was in that room there's like a fake phone and he was like like really laughing and pretending and like putting together the screws yeah that's definitely low iq that's not necessarily our word but low iq and i'm noticing that more now as an adult do you think there's low iq adults that are
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's very good, by the way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
For hours. Fine. It doesn't hurt.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Exactly. They're actually bright. Exactly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Shut the fuck up. Yeah. With Downs? Yes. Which law school? I don't know. Like, something online or something?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No, it's amazing. I didn't graduate from law school. Okay. So then to be diagnosed as having mental retardation in person must have an IQ below 70 to 75.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No, I know. So like a low IQ adult, what would a low IQ adult be?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
80?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
But not necessarily Downs because this guy at Paddington Bear averages about 50.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
So wait a minute. Genius Downs people?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's rad. That's rad. I bet my IQ is an exceptional Downs person.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I did not know that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I'm a low IQ adult. Dang. Dang. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. Now the question is, do you want her to represent you?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Because I like to get up. I would sit down and try to watch something. It was an 80 something times. It was a lot. It was 180. And I'd feel a tug. But it's not painful. It's not like diarrhea where you're like, oh, bent over. No cramping. You just feel like a little like boop boop. And then you go sit down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Maybe she represents other people with Down syndrome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, that's good. Yeah. That lady's not wearing the right bra. I'll tell you this right now. 100% for sure. She's smarter than me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I dropped out of law school after two weeks. It was too hard. And if she's learning the same law I did.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
She's the one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I didn't pass the bar.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No, I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You know, now that I don't, I have breast cancer, I always look at other people's tits a lot even more now. Yeah. Like, you see that woman behind her? She needs the right bra. That's not supportive at all. That's great. That tit looks terrible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
She needs to put, right, Niana? Niana knows what I'm talking about. It's too droopy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Is he in an ambulance? Why is he strapped in?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
But you better sit down fast. There's no time to spare because you sit down and water. Eventually water comes out of your butthole. Here's the cool part. At 4 a.m., Are you ready? I'm ready. At 4 a.m., I was browning water, just clear water, which is what you're supposed to get. At one point, water was coming out of my b-hole and piss was coming out of my p-hole.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
A candle burner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Breaking in with a sledgehammer. Not a good one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Damn, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I love that he recognized him. Of course. Tony is now a huge celebrity.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Worker. Yeah. There's the same guy. Oh, there's the dude. There's the fan, yeah. That was awesome that he met him later.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's so important. It was a great game. An hour later, he's out. I mean, here's the deal, too. He's like, he's just like, what? They just won't let me in, dude. Like, they took away my keys. Like, there's no other side to that story.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You're right. Between the Downs lawyer and Tony Johns. Who's... I rest my case.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. I love that. It's full circle with the fan. Yeah. And he's drinking with that guy, dude. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Good for Tony. Look, I'm glad he got out at an hour. We were worried that it was going to escalate to him ending up in jail and I don't want him to go to prison. This is, I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Tough guy. He's cracking skulls.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Excuse me, you can't come in here. Why not? It's a private property.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Get out of here. You get out of here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He's so cute. Yeah, not very intimidating.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Now, we've got the double pipe classic, which is a burp and a fart at the same time. What would you call, since you coined it, you're in the Urban Dictionary, when you brown water and pee at the same time?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Not very intimidating.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You know who you hire? A guy that looks like Jason Momoa.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And you're like, what the fuck, dude?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. Yeah, this guy needs to hire an actor. That's what actors are for, guys. Come on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, I love it. Here we go. Let's go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Can I tell you something? I can see our sons doing dumb shit like this in 10 years.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
This is what dumb boys do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
What do you think? He's trying to read. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Wow. That guy's dead, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Thanks for sharing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You get the feeling. You have to feel that, dude. He's got no rhythm. You got to feel that. Fuck. Let's watch it again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He fucked up, homie. This looks like Europe somewhere.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's Eastern Europe. If I'm betting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yes, Croatia, of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And he's drunk, yeah. Holy shit. Fuck, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
But he's drunk, so he's relaxed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
He might be okay. I could see them doing this in Hungary, too. Yeah, of course. They just put like a fucking, what is that? A crane?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Double stream magic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I hate horses. This is why I hate them. This is exactly why I hate horses.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, dude. Fuck horses.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
For sure, dude. For sure. She's passing the bar exam right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Fuck this horse. Can I say something? Normally I defend the animal, but in this case, I bet you that horse is a real fucking... She said it. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I don't think that's ever going to happen again in my life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Because horse girls are super nice. Horse girls are all about that life. They love animals. So for this woman to be like, fuck you, horse. Yeah. This horse sucks, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Mm-hmm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
that was a human cannonball thing like this is also definitely not in the states there's no way i think it is i'm gonna go for like south yeah dude because look at the backpack that's like a military american backpack where is it joshua all new burger no this is america this could be the south this is like fucking oh yeah riverside oh riverside california yeah what
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It is magic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Of course. That's Riverside. I'm sure he has health insurance. I'm sure they give it to him. How much do you think you get paid to shoot yourself out of a cannon at the Riverside County Fair?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
But you're not shitting shit. Just to clarify.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. You do it for love of the game.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's love. This guy's fucking paralyzed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You're literally just you sit down and water comes out of your bum. It's wild.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Mm-hmm. I had no idea that there was an item called a spring jacket, meaning an item like a jacket you would just wear in the springtime. Because to me, that seems so wasteful. Like, why would I buy a jacket just for spring? I didn't even know people did that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
but that's what i thought it was so i thought there was a light jacket and then like a winter coat well there are but then a spring jacket are there summer jackets yeah i know there's a winter coat no there's summer jackets no i and i i'm learning that for the first time too yeah there's a summer a summer jacket summer jackets usually just you know they have less lining they breathe easier yeah did not know this that there was a spring jacket never in my world thought that there were jackets for different seasons
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
only a winter coat that's it there's only winter coats because that makes sense to me you should get a winter coat a spring can i tell you honestly a spring jacket sounds superfluous it sounds unnecessary like why can't you just put on a sweater it's like a waste of money to buy a spring jacket got it so when the guy told me this is a spring jacket i saw your brain just short circuit i watched it and you were like whoa whoa wait whoa whoa what what and he was like for spring
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I had no idea that. But to be fair, I think Nayana, didn't you not know that too? Or was it Heather? I had no idea. See?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
What did you call it? A double stream magic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Right. That's all you need to know. That's a rich person, like a real bougie thing. Fancy people stuff. Yes. I'd never heard of it because we never had this growing up. No way. A spring jacket. No, it's too bougie for me. Okay. Now I'm all about it though. I understand. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. I advise everybody to get their colonoscopy just to experience a double stream magic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You knew this the whole time?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Why didn't you fucking tell me, dude?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Why don't you tell me? We're married for 20 years. You never tell me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It took you about 15 years to tell me it's not a sun visor. It's just a visor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
The other day you let me walk around with food in my teeth. I was smiling like a donkey with lettuce in my teeth. You need to look out for me, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
None on these things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Do you know you got to educate me on like civilized people? You know I don't know these things. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
By the way, I told you this, but I thought this was funny to share. I'm relearning Hungarian.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, because I don't know, dude. I just think it's whatever. It's time. Because I spoke Hungarian before I spoke English, and then I lost it because my parents, once we came to America, were like, oh, no, no, we're American. Fuck this language. You don't speak this anymore. So I'm relearning it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And it's fascinating because apparently all the things I thought were just exclusive to my family being an asshole, like I thought we were just assholes, it's cultural.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
We're all assholes. And that's what I'm learning from my Hungarian tutor. She's like, oh no, that's just, you're just being Hungarian. And I was like, that fucking blew my mind.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Okay. So first of all, so I was, I asked, we're learning basic things. Like how do you ask for a coffee? I would like coffee. Okay. And I go, well, what if I went to like a Starbucks and they say like, may I please have a coffee? And she's like, no, you don't, you don't say please. I'm like, what? No, there's no need to say please. Overly polite. Why would you say please? Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Guten Tag, willkommen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
They don't say please when you're ordering from another human being. Just say the thing. Even little things like, you know, hand me that book. I was like, can you say please? Like if I said it to my husband, sweetie, please hand me. She's like, that's too much. You don't need to say please. Just say hand me the fucking book.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
right and she said that like all the cursing is normal culture standard issue and um all the stuff that yes they curse like sailors everything is fuck buzz mag this fuck that your mother's this you did it and that's like so normal and we we'd say it in you know tutoring and also too
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yes, because it's totally cultural.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And even like, it's so fucked up because like these phrases I would hear all the time as a kid. Yeah. Like, oh, the dad should hand me a beer. Like my dad would tell me that all the time. Like, go get me a beer. Go get me a beer. Like I knew that right away.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
get me a beer yeah he didn't say please did he no please no legacy vish no just fucking do this do it so culturally we're dicks it's very but it's actually very liberating because i'm like i just thought i was kind of an asshole yeah like why am i so rude and because you've told me before you're like hey dude you need to camouflage your face people can tell if you don't like them can you
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You know, do you remember you told me that? See, looking out for you. You're looking out for me. Thank you. But I didn't realize it's just, she's like, yeah, you're Eastern European. That's what they are. And I'm like, oh, it's such a relief, you know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You do not smile. And you don't laugh or smile unless there's like a real reason. And you're not friendly to people in public. Like if someone just starts talking to you, they're like, what the fuck?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Fuck off. Get out of my face.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Get out of here. No. Everybody said no. No. Yeah, we're very friendly people. The Americans, the English, Western Europe is way friendly. Not all of them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Germans are kind of abrupt too. But Eastern European, 100%. You're encouraged to kind of be a dick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It's totally, yeah, it's a total preventable cancer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And I asked her, too. I was like, is that because of communism? Like, did the Russians crush our joy, like, prior to that? Were we, like, nice? She's like, no. It's Estonia-European. It's just with these.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
There's no please. You don't say please.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Great. What state did he get convicted in?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, come to Texas, son. We'll give you a medal of honor. You're in the wrong state, my man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Well, and also those kits that they say, oh, you just scrape your poo and then you nail it in. Those are not, it's too late. By the time it shows up there, you've already got cancer. You're fucked. You're dead. So just go. And by the way, the actual procedure, 20 minutes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That burp you made, did they get to hear that before we started rolling even?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Atta boy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I'm a huge fan.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, I like him too. Yeah, he's in the wrong state.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, move to Texas. You can do your thing here. Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It is. But it taught him discipline. It looks like he likes that regimented life. I hope he's successful. I mean, he's got a nice place. He takes good care of it. He takes care of himself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Hell yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Hell yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah, we like this guy. Didn't we try to add money to his commissary and everything?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I know, it is the best part.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You were. You always are when I get anesthesia. I know. You're so.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I think you should be absolved.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Of course. There should be open season on these predators. I agree. Open season.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You should be allowed to. You should be allowed to. Absolutely. No fucking way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I've had one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I know you're jealous. That's why you've been ramping up the burps and the farts. And do you want me to talk about what you did yesterday?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I've touched my pee-pee. So many feelings. Oh, shit. That stops. That's what she does, right? After he pees? It's hard now. Yeah. That's the part that's fucked up is that they fuck after this, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I don't like this. You know what? And then he comes and he goes. All right. I don't like it. Also, I don't like that everybody has to be out with their sexual proclivities. I think having some shame and keeping it hidden is totally fine. Just not letting it out. Why does everyone have to be out with everything? There's some things that are shameful. Society frowns upon.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Keep that shit hidden, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Keep that shit hidden. Why does he have to be out? Why do I have to know what makes his dick hard in his diaper? I don't want to know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, my God. He wants to keep it a secret.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, God. It's crazy. Yeah, he did that in front of cameras.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I know. It's like Meghan Markle, like, Oh, I don't want everybody following us. And then she makes Netflix shows.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
It is insane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
God, if I were into anything like this, I would keep it such a secret.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
God, I'm ashamed of the normal stuff you and I do. You know what I mean?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Well, I mean, I don't share everything we do with people. It's weird. Oh, it's so gross.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You're so gross. So you're driving me to the colonoscopy. We're at a stoplight. And lately even really phlegmy, and I don't know if it's the air here in Austin, the allergies. And we're at a stoplight, and you're sneezing, and you're sneezing, and then you're doing this horking shit that you do as a dad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And also... Where's my passie? I'm glad these fools don't have kids. But once you do have kids, you're going to get sick of watching those movies right quick. You're going to get sick of cleaning up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No, you can't do shit when you have kids.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Always.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That was mighty, mighty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Uh-uh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Just from that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
What country is that? I don't know. I don't think that's America.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh no. They're in such turmoil right now. Those poor Turkish. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
This is why they shouldn't let people protest. I think you should do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, these poor people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Get the fuck out of there. You see the cops coming, leave, dude. Leave. Why are you going to hang out for this shit?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No, run.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Run, fool. No way. These Turkish police, you think they give a fuck? Yeah. They don't give a fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Yeah, dude. Turkish prison.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Are you going to Anchorage?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And then, and I see it in the corner of my eye, you're pushing the button for the window to roll down. And then you do like an old Chinese guy. You go, and then you hork. Hork the loogie out of the car window like an old man. It was so fucking disgusting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oakland, California. Phil, Aloe Snatcha.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Great job, man. So elaborate. They painted that on. Yeah, it's insane. I mean, that's not just a poster, you guys. That's painted on the bricks backstage. It's amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's so funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
She's going to love it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, cool. You guys get to hear what I hear all the time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's awesome, James.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, what's everybody?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You get the glove.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
So fucking disgusting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No, that's what a handkerchief is for. Gentlemen have handkerchiefs and you spit your spittle. By the way, I have to kiss your mouth. You know that? I kiss your mouth. And it makes me think too. And what I realized is you don't wash your hands nearly as much as I thought you did.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
We're going to talk about that a bit more today because you've been in special form. And I have a theory why, and I'm going to get into that. Oh, really? You have a theory? I do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Why don't I do before and after because we can get piss on your hands.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Why is it fine? It's urine on your hand.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Psyops.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I agree with that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You know what? As a fellow disgusting human, I'll take that. Because I do that too. When I piss and I wipe, I just wash my right hand. And then I don't even dry it off.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Do you think there's a reason to wash both hands, Josh? I don't think there's a reason.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
No, just go like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
About what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You're so vulgar and vile to your people that work with you too. You fucking fart on them. You fart around them. By the way too, you've been wrapping up your farts production.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Nobody likes when you fart. Nobody. Yeah. Nobody likes when you fart. Nobody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You know what he's been doing too in the house is when you fart, it's bad enough that you fart all the time, all the time, all the time. Now you lay on your back and you pull your legs in the air like the di-di and you're only wearing underwear. No shirt, nothing else, just your panties and then you rip them and you do it in front of our children.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
They do like it. But I told them, I said, don't do this in front of your lives. The kids like it. The staff loves it. That's fine. The staff does not like it. They do like it. Nobody likes it. All right, here we go. Nobody likes it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
She doesn't like it. She does too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Is Annie just freely farting now? Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I mean, that went from zero fart policy to all the time now. That is crazy. He totally changed his tune with that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh, you're just going to get into it right now? Why not? This leads into my theory as to why you've been ramping up the burps, the farts, the hawking loogies. I had a colonoscopy yesterday for the first time in my life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Mommy, it's your mommy. She lives in my arms. It's your little mommy. Do you love your mommy? Sure you do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Don't compliment that bitch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Hold the applause. And it's not for any reason. It was just a standard thing. So don't worry. And I think, and I'm just going to put this out here and see if this sounds like familiar. I think you're a little jellies because a, I got to watch all everything come out of me in a waterfall fashion. I got some cool farts and I got a propofol nap. Am I saying that right? Propofol.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Mm-hmm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Can I tell you, though? Yeah. This is definitely the game my father has run with women his entire life. Yeah. And it works. It works. With a certain type of broad, this is their jam.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
They love it because they're like, maybe I can, I love you, maybe I can change you. How do I get approval? How do I get approval? How do I get the approval? I'm gay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's what my dad does.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
That's exactly what my dad would say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
My dad does this a thousand percent to the hoes. This is exactly how he got wet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Numbers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I mean, I've seen him do it. Like I've seen him be like, come on, baby. I don't, I don't do this. Like he. He'll just tell them straight up, nope, nope, nope. But they come back. You're right. They want more.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
They do. My father has, I think. Yeah. But then they get bored and restless because real intimacy is not on the table. They're not capable. And if there's a bump in the road, forget it. We're done. It's too much work. You're boring. It's too much work. It's either super boring or it's too much work and I don't want to do it. There's no long term. Wow. That's horrible. Whoa.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I don't know. I think it's pretty good. Look how I like, I get the redness on the top of your head, which is my favorite. And then your dark under eye circles are always fun to color in. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I learned how to draw a cat. That was fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Meaning he went to a gun range and it was not an accident.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And also, I was thinking, is he skinny or fat when he does it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I hope so.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Thanks for bumming everybody out. Everybody's so excited about my new portrait.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's all I want, is to be able to go somewhere, boom, like that, without getting on a plane. Yeah, you can get a helichopter. I don't want a helichopter, that's how cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
This is the kind of thing we're looking for, just so people understand. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That is how Kobe Ryan died.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Well, that's what I would say. This last one was ideal. I liked his conviction. So sincere. I like the sincerity. I like the passion. However, if you guys could also list that dollar amount.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You didn't hear that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's what's going to get her to do it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You don't have to really do it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Just trick her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, $20. And by the way, CatherineCann69 on Instagram has offered her help.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
To set up her OnlyFans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
How do you say strong black coffee? In Espanol.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
How do you say best drink of the day?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, this one looks good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's right. It doesn't sound like a lot until you multiply.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Absolutely.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And might I add, too, the bulk of the income, like Bad Baby, she makes a lot of her money writing back. So if you would say, Charo, I would pay whatever amount. What's a good amount for a message back from an OnlyFans person? $10 maybe?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
$10 for an email and maybe a photograph.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I blame the helichopter.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
We really could do this without her knowing. Of course we could. I mean, we could set it up for her and run it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
This is literally what our sons do to each other.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That was beef. Beef and cheese came out of there. Beef and cheese. That was awesome. Beef and cheese.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You may have. I feel like I'm on the trum. And I think I may have. I probably did that. I'm a jerk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, summer. Summer. I have something really exciting to share with you that I've been working on for a long time. Let's just get in here. Yeah, we got to go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I was going to say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
But look, listen, Fancy, if you are listening, I would argue that being on your mom's house and these clips circulating would just generate more business for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
No. And, you know, his meal was so amazing when he was on this show.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
So fancy, so real.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Nobody's Fancy Chef.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
It's giving me so much anxiety that he's holding up a line.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
He asked for juice? Yeah. Like apple juice? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Juice? Who's drinking juice past the age of seven?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yes, Gene, I am very into my supplements, but I don't like paying a lot. And I do everything with Live Good. I do magnesium, B12.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That is bold. And I will say, just looking at the photographs, they look delicious. Well, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You're not a caliber.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's so true. And I also like his handle, which is really important. It's fancy underscore chef under underscore at like 2013. That's very intuitive. It's a good way for people to find.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Guys, don't do the underscores. If you want to be known publicly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Is that a fish with carrots? That's lovely. That looks so good. So delicious. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
It's a lot of seasoning, too. Very seasoned.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Or debone it. You want those bones.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And I love you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That was really good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Dying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Well, because we always do mommy and I love you with the kids in the car.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And then we started doing happy birthday on Ellis's birthday recently. We were like, do happy birthday to the Starbucks worker. And then today you added, not only did you get in three happy birthdays, but with the Cockney accent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I mean, the real question is, do you think she suspected your fake Cockney accent or did she really think you spoke like that? Oh, I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, that's right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You could do, hello, love, hello, govna.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's, I think, bonus points for govna if you call them that a couple times.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Remember when we were in London? I was like, I will give you a million dollars to order.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Or you could order strong black coffee.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Best holiday of the year.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, he was like not acknowledging it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
We call him governor?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Both of you were throwing it in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
He is so funny. God damn, he is fucking funny. He's so smart and talented. I know. He's amazing. He looks great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Can I tell you one thing that I've noticed before that's been making me crazy? I was thinking about Jimmy Carr.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
No, he's phenomenal. He's ridiculously funny. So I took the kids to a barn or one of these petting zoo places.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And, you know, standard Austin fare. Like, there's always, like, a person with a beard and tits. You know, there's always, like, these gender weirdos, which is fine. It's just part of Austin. I love them. You know you're at a good place if there's a beard and tits serving you or whatever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
So we're at, like, the petting zoo. And, oh, my God. So the bearded person... It was very smelly, too. It smelled like an animal, like a cow. So she's explaining to us the animals. And this person's younger, like a Gen Z kind of young kid. And I've been noticing this amongst the youngest generation. We had vocal fry a few years ago.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Megan. And then there was Upspeak where people were like, yeah, this is basically, if you're at a good Austin restaurant, someone's serving you that looks like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
This is totally, this is my pizza place. This is my coffee place. This is the barn we go petting animals at.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Okay, so here's my point.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
It was vocal fry. And then it was up speak.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And now I've noticed... Go back to the list there, Josh, because I forget this. Okay. Okay. So every time my kids would ask this person a question, could it be something simple as, what do cows eat? This person would go, yeah, so, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, and I'm thinking, is the question so offensive that she needs to, or sorry, they need to buttress in their mind? Yeah, because I understand if it's an offensive question.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Like someone's asking them about their gender and they're like, yeah, so I'm...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Right. This might be complicated.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Right, and I've been noticing this amongst a lot of younger people. It's something as simple as, how much is this? Yeah, so $2.99. You know what you should do next time?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, so it's constant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
But have you heard this? Do you know what I'm talking about?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That, and they like to say sort of. It's sort of like they can't just come out and say the thing, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And I think they think it makes them sound smarter if they go, you know, it's sort of like the color orange.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Exactly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's exactly what I was going to say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Exactly. And our kids were like, can the cow eat rocks? No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Maybe she's afraid, sorry, they were afraid of offending my children by saying, no, cows can't eat rocks. So they want to hedge it a little to soften it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
See, that's the thing. I don't think he does. I'm going to go opposite with you on this one. I think he can say the white N-word because he doesn't give a shit. He's not caring. He's not cautious.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I don't know, Tom. He might be so crazy that he goes into it so confident that he makes it okay by virtue of it being okay to him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's what I'm saying. He's committed. And when you're committed, you almost convince other people it's okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
May I ask you this question? I don't know if you know the answer or not. But what about those white people like in Eminem who they hang out in the black community? That's their primary social group.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Because he doesn't drop n-bombs. Never. No, no, no. Interesting. Well, what an interesting subject. Thank you so much for sharing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Wild. For sure. He almost gets mad crap.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's right. That's right. Well, what were you going to say, Annie? I didn't understand your point.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's so true. I think I would want to be cool. Gosh, I'd want to fit in so bad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And I can't. No, not that way. I don't want to. No. No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
No. No fucking way. The best I feel about myself is when a black person compliments what I'm wearing. And then I'm like, oh my God, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah. You're funny is number one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, wow. That's actually probably number one. That's probably number one. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, number two is you're funny. Wow. You know what I really like? Is if they're like, wow, you're real as shit. When they tell me I'm real, then I'm like, wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I mean, it's a black room.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Black approval. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I know, I didn't think I'd be alive this long.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, that took a long time to do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Or burping. That's just the dad. The mother. We just gave birth. Now you're up breastfeeding all hours. And if you were old like me, I was 39 when I had our first kid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
My kids, one time Julian, were you there? No, you weren't there. One time Julian found a permanent black marker and just drew on his face.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Where'd you give birth?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Especially if you're somebody with a profession like a surgeon, a doctor, an attorney. I don't know how these people have newborns and then go into work.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You know how hard it is to get off?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, I've heard that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You know this person. Oh, I do know this person. I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Dude, everything's so disappointing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
For 20 years now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
It's like 100%.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
He had a knife on him and then he stabbed the other driver.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Sam Tripoli.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
When I was a little girl, I thought about the year 2000. Didn't it just blow your mind? And now you're like, oh, that's it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's why I'm excited about the orbs. This is what I'm thinking. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Ezekiel wheels. The veil has been pierced. We are entering the next level of evolution. This is it. This is the breakdown of this civilization and into the new.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And pornography. We have a lot of pornography and readily available pornography.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
But it's not because the hood is tangled. Yeah, but still, he got it. Okay, I'm sorry, guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah. Well, I've seen Chet Hanks talk about him on the gram. I follow Chet Hanks and he's like, yeah, my dad's a piece of shit. Totally neglectful.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Okay, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I do have to say that the marker is very distracting from anything else he has to say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, the gloves.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
For real, I didn't know this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Is that all there is?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I'm sorry. Did I miss it? What is SRC USA?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Is it related to minor people? Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I don't like that. Oh!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Good idea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
They just shoot him with their cream eyes and stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You know what it is? They don't have to sign release forms, probably.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
When you've been around thousands of years, it's like, fuck your rights!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
What's going on? That's right. The society is like, you don't have no fucking rights. You need to sue them? We got nuked. Fuck your feelings.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You know how long it's been? This is one of the first videos that really made me enjoy the internet. This and Two Girls, One Cup and the guy that sat on the glass. You can't find it there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Well, these are pretty cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh my god, this poor horse is like, why are you making me do this? How are they getting the horse to do it is really the question.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
We search for the marginalized communities, cool guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, memories, dude. I feel even sicker after watching that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
This is the weirdest episode ever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
It feels just as bad watching it now as when I did it the first time. And isolate the grunts for me, okay?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, there he is. There's his face, you guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You don't want to be there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, yeah. It says he died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, listen to this. So peritonitis is inflammation of the localized or generalized, whatever, peritoneum, peritoneum. Peritoneum. The lining of the inner wall of the abdomen and cover of the abdominal organs.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Can't do it. Some guy got convicted. James Michael Tate pleaded guilty. First degree criminal trespass.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Every person who shall carnally know in any manner any animal or bird. That's funny. Isn't a bird an animal? Why specify? I don't know. It's so funny. Who's fucking birds? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
The phones are, they crush. And then you can get a chip in your head and stuff. You want to do that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
What is wrong with people, dude?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, he did. And he always had great facial hair. Yeah. Great jewelry. And he was always telling us how wealthy he is. You guys have been complaining that I don't show my whole head and my face.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I do. Here's the thing. Here's my thing. You should be allowed to fuck a horse, but only if you die after. Oh, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
There you go. Okay. That's still fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
But you have to realize the dedication. He took a Sharpie, bro. And then he Sharpied his eyelids even and his lips.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
He's got life in jail. He should opt for the horse.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
He's much more handsome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
But this is Honolulu traffic, which is horrible, too. Oh, really? It's really bad? Really bad. It's enough to make you crazy. Yeah. But wouldn't you rather do... Let's talk about it. Would you rather do life in prison... Or get the horse.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I mean, the horse is kind of quick. I mean, that didn't take very long. You're going to die pre. In and out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I'm a horse dick guy who's not doing life anymore.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, okay. But you get out of the life sentence if you live through the horse fucking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
And hold on. Do I get to pick the dick? No, it's going to be the big dick horse.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
But here's the deal. Okay. It is going to be videoed and you will go viral. So your life is ruined, but you're free.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
What are you going to get it for? I don't know. Like, it'd be cool to turn on your car with just your brain thoughts. Yeah. Or the radio. Or like, not even the radio.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
You're selling lots of tickets. You're selling tickets. People want to hear about it. People want to see it. Yeah. You can write a book about it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
So you can die too. You can die in your vag.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
It's a muscle for that, yeah. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
What are you doing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Good point, Sammy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Wow, serendipity.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah. I am too, dude. Holy shit. This was wild.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yep. I can't wait for that to open. We got some shorts. We got some shorts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah. That's what happens.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
That's what happens.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Also, look up Wait.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
His weight seemed to fluctuate quite a bit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
But wouldn't you argue that Undertaker getting arrested from the FBI would be a positive thing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
I'm not sophisticated?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Sophisticated? Yeah. Do we have the soundbite?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah, he really was one of the early ones.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Jean, I have built five websites using Squarespace. That's how much I love this platform. It's so intuitive. It's easy to build. I mean, I'm not a, I don't know HTML. I don't know coding, but you don't need it. And what's great is you can sell anything on your Squarespace website. Whatever you want.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
He had smart thoughts. What do you want more than anything? What do you want? Yeah. I want a car, well, a car does drive itself, that Tesla. Definitely flying, flying for me. Flying car.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
It is vacuum sealed. You can, you can, gross, sorry. You can choose from a bunch of payment options like Klarna, ACH, Direct, Debit, Apple Pay, and Afterpay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Look, I've been waiting on bated breath to share this with you for weeks. This has been weeks of preparation for me. Do you have the original clip of Tom's choke? And do we have Moron from, I know that we just interviewed Armie Hammer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Wow. You've terrified them all. Anyway, would you like to repeat? Would you show them the original choke in case people aren't familiar with what happened?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
On Netflix.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Well, then you, you know, firing people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
So anyway, you know, you've just been inspiring me. You're my muse. Not only are you my husband, my, my lover, but my muse now. Sure. And I've been working on this piece of art for weeks, weeks. The kids have been in on it. The staff has been in on it. Anyway, this is what I like to call Tom Segura, the choke, but in a creative rendition. This is my interpretation of the choke. What do you think?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
coughing up a furball is that right you got it because you reminded me of a cat coughing up a furball this cat took a long time i'll be selling uh limited prints of these there's only going to be a finite amount hey guys i was listening to this to the adrian appaloochee episode but by the way she has a great new special out on netflix um There it is, The Choke, Tom Segura, The Choke.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
Oh, I know what I want, transport beams. Yeah. Like in Star Trek?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Conspiracy Chaos w/ Sam Tripoli | Your Mom's House Ep. 792
The first artwork I did of you was a hit, so this will be a second limited edition. I'll be signing all the prints. Go ahead, get them at ymastudios.com. You're welcome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
He's so positive and resilient.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
And I hate to say this, but dare I say he likes being in prison.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I like when she goes... That girl, I tell you, she really, if anything, she's got chutzpah. I don't know if you remember the Good Morning America performance where she did cartwheel after cartwheel after cartwheel. Can you find that real quick, Josh? It was so alarming that it has made a repass on the meme circuit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Well, now he does have a reason to try to get out of jail. He's got a goal to work towards, which is nice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Well, he did violate a restraining order against his uncle, and then he documented it and showed up with boxing gloves. Not a smart idea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
What are you talking about?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This isn't that bad. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, look, Tom, there are a lot of gentlemen and some women who prefer life on the inside because it is consistent. There is some discipline. There is some structure to their day-to-day existence.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Now, the one thing he's going to run into is there's no women.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah. Wow. I'm disappointed because we did team up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
He would have a leg up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That is ironic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, that could have been Tony.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, that's too bad that he missed out on this because it looks like they're having fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
It's a good shot. You can see everything happen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Maybe he could hang this in his cell. You know, it's like sometimes they put pinups there and that could be his.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Thank you, Alexis. That's really sweet of you to send that along.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's right. I've been relearning my mother tongue.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, oh, I thought this is the thing I... Yeah, you sent in, like, it's a little... Yeah, so my tutor taught me this word, and I wanted to share it with the entire universe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
And that's slow. Not that word peristate. Peristate is yes, of course. But that... Can you play that again?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Just so people get that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's one word in Hungarian. And it means... I'll tell you, this is the best. So it's based on the dish, which is stuffed cabbage, okay? And what this one word means... is that there's so much meat and cabbage in this pot that I am making tiltot kapusta in, I cannot fit more cabbage in the pot. That's what that one word means.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
There's so much meat and cabbage in this pot of tiltot kapusta, I cannot fit more cabbage in the pot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I win. Again, and she goes in for seconds.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
In one word.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This is enough of an issue in Hungarian culture. And I asked my tutor, would my parents know this word? And she's like, yeah, of course. Like, what are you, stupid? People know this word, dummy. They'll put it together pretty fucking quick. And I'm like, I can't even, I can't even.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's the thing, too. There's a real distinction in Hungarian culture about villager versus, like, city folk. And even my tutor...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
She was a villager.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Do you want to know the name of our town, which even sounds like a villager? It's called Porost. You say Porost, it means like a farmer. It's like a slang word for villager.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Again, like Tigayn, like gypsy. Porost and Tigayn. Oh, you are Porost. Porost is a villager, yeah. So she was from a place called Shorokshag, which is like Porost central. Yeah. You're from Shotok Shack? You fucking villager.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Goddamn dirty gypsy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Nah, are you kidding me? Oh, my God. One time, one Christmas Eve, my dad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
One time my dad on Christmas Eve came down in like a shiny 90s shirt and I was about 14 years old and I go, oh my God, you look like a gigolo. And that was not good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I had to run and I hid in my room and I was not allowed to come down until the next day. Christmas Eve I lost out on because I call my dad a gigolo. And I think it's because it was a little close to the bone, as any is listening and laughing right now, because it's too close to the bone. He knew it. He knew. I fucking knew what was up with him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I did call him. He looked like a gigolo.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I probably just learned what that word meant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Even worse. Backhand straight to the mouth. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Our kids call me dude every day. I'm like, yeah, that's right, bro. Yeah. Dude, bro. Wow. Wow. That's wild.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Damn. But I do think in Hungarian culture, calling somebody gypsy is like the worst thing. That's the lowest of the low.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Now they do. Because when we were in Italy, I noticed too, because I called them gypsies. And he's like, no, no, you can't say gypsy no more. You have to say Roma. And I go, I'm sure the Romans love that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Roma. Roma. Fucking break.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
There he is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
It's the one that got away.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Why are you showing me? It's upsetting me because we've reached out to him so many, for a decade.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's Ash Ripper, yeah. Hold on, let me go sniff that one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
So for those of you who don't know, do we have any old videos of Ass Ripper to show the audience? Because now I want to take a walk down Ass Ripper.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
He never did that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
So he would do it, remember, in his bedroom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
He would do it in his car.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
And keep in mind, this guy started this 10 years ago.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This is before OnlyFans. This is before you would see this stuff commonly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
And then he'd finger the holes in his chonies and his dirty white underwear.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Very brown.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah. Remember the one in his kitchen? Yeah. Where he would like open a Tupperware, fart, and he'd be like, oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This guy was such a talent. And I'm so.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
One of the greats. Two.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Three in a row. And this is before people were editing things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This is in real time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This is in real time. How did he have three in the barrel?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, no, that, but he gained it while we were still working.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's very innovative.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That pizza looks so good. He's going to ruin it with the gravy. I thought ranch maybe would be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Well, look, we haven't tried in about how many years to get a hold of him. Maybe we could try again. Does anybody know King Ass Ripper? Do you know who this is? Can you get a hold of him? Can you tell him to contact us? Get on your mom's house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
think romulus michigan just had it josh somebody's got to recognize him like on a personal level somebody does and they're like that's fucking yeah it's jake yeah yeah what is he oh he doesn't do that anymore he's got a family he works at the factory can you imagine the woman that's like oh yeah he used to he used to do this stuff this is when i met him
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Well, we had our speculation that it's for sex work.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
We want him to work again. I want him in my life again. I miss you. We miss you, King Ass Ripper.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, I would. We just miss you, buddy. We miss your work. You haven't made a new video in so long. Where are you? Are you okay?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Nobody does it like this guy. Nobody did it like King Ass Ripper. You know, amongst the cool guys, there are men with just raw talent. Robert Paul Champagne has that spirit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Do you have his fart montage?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
What's his name? The old guy. You know, in such a way. That guy's got that spark to you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
10 to 12 Benadryl guy. He's got a spark. King Ass Ripper was unlike any other cool guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Of course. He was one of our first children.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
And we offered him money. We offered him everything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Purely.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
It kind of makes me sad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
But why stop doing it? He was already successful. We were on board. There are so many mysteries to him. Why did he stop? Why did he not want fame? Why did he not want to get bigger than he was? Because he kept doing the videos after we reached out. It's not like he didn't want to do what he was doing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
My palms are sweating for her right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I got to go pish real quick.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah. Who doesn't do that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, I didn't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Tom, I feel like you and I are revisiting an old flame.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Don't you feel like?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Why did we ever not?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Ooh, I love a fish filet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
He did, he got into this lane. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Hold on, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
But don't you... Isn't this for fetish?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I see what you're saying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I think you're right because he shunned it. He didn't want it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, that's why. Yeah. I think you're right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's right. And that's probably why he didn't want the exposure back then.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Maybe that's why he stopped making the videos. Maybe he wanted to be a regular guy. I don't know, but it's a talent wasted if that's the case. Yeah. I miss him so much.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Black people being homophobic is my favorite.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I love them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
And it's so accepted. And it's fine. That's what they're fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
They say it all the time. I love it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I know, there's like entire premises about things like, that's some gay shit. We don't do no gay shit. I don't fuck with no gay shit, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Hey, I respect it. Can I, Matt Pries, Pries, did you hear that? Matt Pries bring up, we have a dental update in the Your Mom's House world, but I would like to start doing vision updates. Okay. I, as you can see, I'm again wearing these glasses. I haven't worn these in years. I just allow myself to see things blurly because I don't want to fucking wear them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Turns out radiation kills your vision. I didn't know that. I didn't know when they were raiding my body.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
So my reading is gone to shit, my readers, and now I have to wear these fucking gay distance dad glasses. Now, like with you, I got to wear these all the time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Cooked. Have you had your, you haven't done your annual, your pap smear yet?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Every year it's going to happen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, that's what my doctor said. She's like, you're getting gayer and lesbianiker every year.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Also, good news, because of radiation, I now have the beginnings of cataracts. Cataracts. I have cataracts now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
She said, yeah, not now. Like in 20 years, I'll definitely need that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
So I've got a bunch of new looks coming for you guys. You're going to see me wearing different spectacles because, you know, why not?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This one, I have to say, outdoes cancer. I never do anything this awful.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Save it for the floor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Hold on. I need to simmer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
15, 20 years at least that I've known you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
It's the price you pay for fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Well, how big are these vials?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Okay, is it like this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
You've got tons of shit. You could fill a blood vial.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yo, I got to tell you something.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I'd rather have my tits cut off and do radiation than shit the bucket. No, I don't even mind shitting in the bucket. It's the fact that you have to scoop it out. scoop it and then put it into 12 containers and then hold, it's not enough, then you have to freeze some, refrigerate some, and then walk it to the lab? I mean, hold on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
There's no service that just takes the shit and separates it for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Everything's fine. Well, also, who's this first doctor that was like, you're all clean, see you later, and then gave up?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's why I don't think Cedars is necessarily the best. Austin and I have had better health care. I mean, because they actually have the time to give a shit about you out here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I don't know. They have to figure this out with you. I can't imagine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
They're not sores, but if she's rubbing them and maybe she's wiping too hard and they're bleeding, they shouldn't be sores. They should just be like skin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Why are you freezing it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Which fridge and freezer do you think you'll be using? Not the family's. Food.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, my God. You can't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
And then where are you going to lay out your other live- On your counter. Oh, my God. I'm going to puke. You better hide that. Do you want to be there for it? This one is- Well, I asked you. I was like, do you need help? Like, are you going to- First of all, you've never shit into a bucket before.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
So it might be that that's the first challenge is how you know you can even shit into a bucket successfully.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This is terrible. There's got to be a better way that they're not telling you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This is great content.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I can't watch you do that. Your own shit? What kind of spoon are they giving you? Is it like a regular spoon? That's so gay. There's got to be a better way that we're not thinking of. There's no way that everybody's doing this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This is disgusting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
But what would that be?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Tanner will watch anything ever. That's cool. Will Tanner scoop the shit? For me, it's not. The scooping of the shit is what troubles me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
You got, when are you going to do this? Like as soon as possible, right? How long are you keeping this in my fridge? That's the real question.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Just to see what bacteria grows probably.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That would be awesome. You know how much weight you lose with a parasite? So lucky. Do you know that women give themselves parasites to lose weight? That's cool. Like it's a thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
They're like, Hey, we didn't make this song. Have you ever seen? And by the way, there's, there's a couple of things that stick out in my memory in life that I play on repeat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That we know of.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Nobody's harder on a bitch than me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
And then other baby mamas, too. He's got a lot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Especially it's time to make these cool videos about it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Uh, it's Kim Cottrell. We've played it on this show before and her, she goes, my husband and I like to play the bass and I scat along and it's, it's her rent. Oh my God. Please.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
He's pleased with himself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I know that. So I've seen my dad pull that actually. Yeah. He did it a few times on women. Yeah. But he wouldn't do it like that where he'd joke with them. He'd be like, I don't like this. Okay. You're too fat. It's not exciting for me. Like he would just straight up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I'm not attracted to you. You're too fat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah. Which is even meaner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
See, I just thought my dad disappointed all of us unconsciously. I didn't realize it was like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
What do you think, Denny? Do you think your dad didn't show up on purpose to fuck with you? Absolutely.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
This is rare. Yeah. That a guy's, he's a very bright guy, actually.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
We do need a new segment just called Showing Any Gay Shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Because I do like how upset you get. Josh, could you start pulling some homosexual, black homosexual clips to show Annie?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
What? What even happened? What is that? Cheese block? I don't understand what I saw.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Okay. Well, I don't hear anybody LOLing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, we can go on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Next.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh. I hate horses, tiny horses, donkeys of all kind.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
They can go fuck themselves.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Okie dokie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
wow world of warcraft wrestling what is this okay she had to be taken out in a stretcher yeah that was pretty cool you didn't like that one i thought it was going to be some fat stuff and i always like fat people doing stuff but i hate these guys on bikes skateboards i don't like oh I don't know why that went wrong, because that's theoretically how they all do it. We got stuck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Shit, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, that's not good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
I'm done. Well, nobody LOL'd there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
It does. Hair and skin care. It does say that. Yeah. That's amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That's amazing. This is a bitch nigga. It kind of.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, my God. How do they answer the phone? Can we find it? Can we call them?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
It's got to exist. Let's call and see how they answer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah. Let's look it up. Here. Josh can find it in like two seconds. Let's call.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, it's real. It's Houston.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, let's call it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Call it right now, dude. No, it's closed. Open's 10 a.m.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, it says hours.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, they just ring and ring and ring, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
They don't give a fuck, dude. These places do not give a fuck. Oh, well, let's try again next time. Wait, how to pronounce?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
You mean English? Eurocentric? Yeah. You mean we're in America and we read things in English?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, how blessed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, there's fuck it tie. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Of course, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Zabba dabba deeba pot of beret. I can't take, it's the pot of beret that sticks in my mind.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
But then there are the fun ones where, like, they don't have an English-speaking friend to help them name their business. So there will be, like, total relax. So relax. So relax.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Total relax and so relax.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Total relax. Total relax. So relaxed. But then I think I saw So Relax, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I'm sure she's lovely and I think she's nice and stuff. I just pray that the he-dogs are okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, can I plug a date, please? Of course. Now that I'm returned to stand-up, I'm only doing stuff in Austin. I'll be at May 15th, 730 at Comedy Mothership in the Little Boy if you'd like to see me work out a new hour of stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Yeah. Oh, buy my lip shits. Guys, so many of you did for Mother's Day. Thank you so very much. I hope you're happy with your purchase. Get the perfect four now at ChristinaP.com.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That was terrible. Don't do that again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yes! I'm sweating.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, fuck, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Pot of beret!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
That and then some magazine where somebody wants to do a piece on you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
But then they go, why don't we come to your house and film you and your husband? And that's when you go, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
The answer is no. That video and then that and Jessica Simpson singing along with Jewel. Please find this. Have you seen this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
You think Fergie was off. Wait until you see this one. This one sticks in my brain too. And this happened about a decade ago as well. But when I think I've embarrassed myself, there's always this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Because here's the deal. Here's the deal. I'm not shedding on them. I can see myself doing it. Can you see yourself? I see myself being like, I could sing with Jewel. Let me try singing with Jewel. And then you slip into her style even though it's not your style and you're trying. Fuck, I'm sweating.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Hey, Christina, you want to sing the national anthem? No. Yay, yay, yay. Let's play some basketball. Pot of beret. That's the one that gets me in my sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night going, pot of beret.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I'm ready.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Oh, we didn't even do that? Nope.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Welcome to your mom's house. Metal fucking balls. Welcome to your mom's house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Meow, meow. Meow, meow. I know, that's the part you like the best, is that...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
You know what bothers me the most is the overhead lighting is on and you know how much... Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
The real question is, what did that dumb bitch do to make him so mad?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Your phone was already off.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Yeah, you're right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
But first of all, in her defense, men can't find shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Ever. And she's probably like, dude, come on. How am I going to do this? I'm laying down. You're bothering me. Just like last night I was comfortable. I had the cat on my lap. I had my heating pad on. I can't find the remote.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
It was on my side. But you could have looked. I told you to look there. Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Well, hold on, but back it up. We told him like all he has to do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It's been a long transformation. Without you, our genes are low and loose.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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If somebody goes, I played in college, they're saying, right. It's like, I got you. Gotcha, gotcha.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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No, not once. That was it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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That was your mission.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Wow. It was such a fun day. It was such a fun day. You don't swim, though, right? Right in studio. To try it clear.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Go ahead, go ahead.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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You don't go in the ocean, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Let's get it. Ryan, you are the Ryan that everyone's talking about. So do you want to comment on anything that's been being said here? I'm sitting there in my office listening to everything. Can we hear him?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Which one? Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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By the way, one of the things we'll get to is that, and he's a huge liar. Go ahead, Ryan. Huge. Can be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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But wait a minute. Here's the thing, though. We can get into the semantics of this. Are you saying that he was like, I played basketball when I was in college or I played college ball?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Even my head's about to explode. If you win a rematch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It was for hair.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Yes, you got scared. Incorrect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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You don't remember saying that you wanted this hair and that the hair thing was all set up?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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We got to review the tape. Because I don't remember the conversation going that way. I remember asking, what do you want? And he goes, I'd like to have hair.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I don't remember that. And I remember setting up all the hair stuff, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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We were going to send you to Turkey and everything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I think the reason that that was shot down was that even though you won, yes, you did, the idea that a boss... your employer could take $10,000 if you had lost did feel like it's like an abuse to do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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We've had your Invisalign.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Invisalign, which I would say of the last 15 years, the most traumatic thing that happened to either of us was Invisalign. To anybody in this family. Yeah, especially when they came off. I really hated that a lot. It hurt so bad. You had some other shit, but Invisalign is really what I think this sticks with us.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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You did say it seemed fair.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I'll put it on the table.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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What about swimming? Hold on. What about swimming? Right before Ryan came in, you said.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Oh. What about laps, swimming laps? Annie, you said it right before you came in that you would swim laps. You would learn to swim and swim laps. Yeah, no problem.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I'm excited to kick off my UK and Ireland tour this weekend. I'll be in Dublin this Saturday, March 15 at 3 Arena. Belfast for two shows at Waterfront Hall on March 16. First show is sold out. We added a second show. Manchester at AO Arena March 19. London at OVO Arena Wembley March 20. Glasgow at OVO Hydro March 21st. Nottingham at Motor Point Arena, March 22nd.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Cardiff at Utilita Arena, March 23rd. Go get your tickets at tomseguro.com slash tour. I'll see you there, mate.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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They say money can't buy you happiness. That might be true. But money sure can make you feel a lot of other things like stressed, guilty, overwhelmed. That's because when you're not in control of your money, your money can control you. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Acorns is a financial wellness app that helps you take control of your money with simple tools that make it easy to start saving and investing for your future. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now, even if all you've got is spare change. I love Acorns because of that very idea that you don't need to start as a millionaire to start being smart about your finances. Acorns makes that easy. Ready to take control of your money?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Yeah, so we're going to discuss some of those things. And plus, you know, there's, you know, other, you know, I'm saying, you know, 19 virus. There's a bunch of things that we can talk about.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Sign up now and join the over 13 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $22 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com slash YMH or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier 1 compensation provided. Investing involves risk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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If that first bag isn't quite right, no problem. Trade will replace it for free until they nail it. I have my trade coffee in this very studio and I love it. It's exactly my favorite taste blend. The strength, they got it just right. Right now, Trade is exclusively offering our listeners 40% off your first order at drinktrade.com slash YMH.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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That's drinktrade, T-R-A-D-E dot com slash YMH for 40% off your first order. Drinktrade.com slash YMH. Okay. Ryan, do you swim?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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You know what I'm saying?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Real quick to let everybody know in two days. It is March 7th, and that means YMH Live 10 is coming. It is back. YMH Live is back, 7.30 p.m. Central Time. It's our biggest one yet. We're going to tell you some of the amazing details in a moment, but we have the great Dan Soder, one of the funniest comedians working today, is joining us live in studio.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I swam as a kid. I'm pretty good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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will you swim laps for 10 G's and neither of you has to give it up I'll give it up however I would if I don't have to pay for the coach this time I pay thousands of dollars for that shit I'll pay for the swimming coach too wow you'll pay for the swimming coach I'll pay for a swimming coach and I'll put the 10 grand up and I'll give it to whomever wins and I won't have a swimming coach
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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This is amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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But you don't know how to swim.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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We will continue this. Let's move to the next thing here because this is nothing gives me more joy besides watching that take place than upsetting and horrifying someone. Stavros came on. Yes. This was episode 7-11. And we showed him Norm's famous poutine. And it was one of my favorite things I've ever seen. This was so great. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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This guy's cocking a little fucking thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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He paces through the cage.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Which, it's in his urethra, so I don't know how he's... Oh, fuck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Of course, there are brand new original sketches and things that we've shot. We're giving away $10,000. You can go to YMHstudios.com for more information there. Grab your ticket, and we will announce the winner live on the show right before the heavy segment. And don't miss the exclusive VIP post show with the great cockroach, Josh Potter.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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That was just... God, it's stressing me out to re-watch that. I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It's also getting me primed for YMH Live. I just realized we're going to get more treats like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Did you get the zing of excitement? Yes. Yeah, I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Because every time that heavy segment starts, I'm like, ooh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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These clips get me so jazzed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I might get sick here in a second.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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That's why I think you and I are team jeans. May I take this moment to just promote my lipsticks? This is a perfect moment. Go ahead, guys. Buy your lipsticks at ChristinaP.com. Today I'm wearing Madison, which is just like a light mauve sensation. And then I have Atomic Red, The Perfect Red, and Berlin. ChristinaP.com. Buy all four at the same time for your lady or for your gentleman.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Gentleman that wears lipstick. By the way, I'm working on a new piece of art.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It's really good. Look at that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It's not buying her art.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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No, it's taken on a life of its own. People are now sending us art based on my art, like famous art. Yeah, that's right. It's great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Anyway, that was an amazing time with Stavros.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It was incredible. Soon after that, by the way, it finally happened. It was something that we were all anticipating. We didn't know if it would ever happen, and that's when Garth Brooks blocked me, finally, on Instagram. You, by the way, the great fans, the listeners, and viewers of this program, are the ones who got Garth to eventually go private on his...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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He restricted all comments at some point because you literally took over all of his social media. Destroyed it. Destroyed it. Everywhere that it exists. Destroyed it. You destroyed it. It was incredible that it happened, but... It started with him blocking certain people, restricting comments. I got a few times where I had comments in there and, you know, they would get liked and commented on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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And then it just it all went to shit. He just refused to allow anybody in. He eventually it happened on Instagram. Then you guys went over, took over his Facebook, his Twitter. He basically realized there was nowhere safe. And so that was really exciting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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He's breaking down the walls between us.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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He's breaking down the walls between you and me. And then he thought better of it. In episode 725, something which also is appropriate for this week, which is that we had Dan Soder on. Dan Soder is not just an incredible comedian, and he's super talented in many regards. He also does what many people think is the best impression of Dave Chappelle. Yes. He can actually, he really sounds like him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Yes. And he just, he sounds like him, and he also has the, like, not just the cadence down, but he'll speak the way, like, things he would say. It's pretty fucking impressive. That's really cool. What's the, I haven't heard you do it, but you do a good Chappelle?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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So that's all happening March 7th right here, YMHstudios.com.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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These sketches, by the way, that we're doing for this YMH Live are, I think, the best we've ever done.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It's so good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I did. Um, when I did, uh,
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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the what was it the after yeah the after party of the brady roast we went up to the lounge inside and we're in um what's it called what's the venue there the which one were you at the uh the forum we're in the forum yeah so we're at the forum club i guess and it's just it's the party and i see dave and he he's like he's like hey man you know let me get a cigarette i give it to him and i was like uh same kind of thing i was like we can smoke it here he was like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It's other level. I mean, we should just say who's going to be appearing. Dare we? Yeah, I think it's worth saying that we brought Tony John to town.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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So I was like, yeah, cool. So I light one up with him. And then the bartender's like, you can't smoke here. And I was like, okay. And I just turned to Dave. I was like, they said we can't smoke here. And he was like, So I was like, I'll put this out when you put it out. He was like, I'll put it out when it's done. I was like, okay, cool. I was like, great. I smoked.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I like chuffed on that thing because I kind of felt bad because I was like, please. And then I just waited until he was done smoking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Well, because there is a level of celebrity. Like you're going to tell Dave Chappelle.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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It's the top tier level.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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You're going to tell Dave. It's like you're going to tell Tom Cruise to put the cigarette out. Well, they kind of do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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That's the thing is the guy didn't tell Dave. He told me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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He's like, you can't smoke here. And I was like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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But that's why he's like, fuck, I don't give a shit. He's right there. Wow. And also watching that Dan Soder clip makes you realize like when you meet your idol, when you meet your hero, there is nothing cool to say. You cannot talk about how much you love them because it's not going to work. It's never going to work.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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You have to talk about anything else except the shit that they've done as like an artist or whatever. You can't. You just can't. You can't dork out on them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Yeah, but the cool thing is, though, that he actually has a great, he still has a great memory of it. Of course. Because you could have, I met my hero, and it's a fucking disaster, and that wasn't that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Woo! Woo!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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That's why I don't want to meet Robert Smith from The Cure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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But if you wanted to dress like Robert Smith.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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So he came to town.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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Oh, stop. I can't believe you would even want to see something like that. I mean, hey, he doesn't look good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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He does. He's still beautiful.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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He came to Austin. He did. And did a sketch with us.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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This is how women are different, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I love Robert.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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is that you guys can still find someone attractive yeah even if it's not looking that great yeah you know why we have souls and we're not superficial i know you guys are the worst men are the worst yeah we are like i don't give a about her soul here's the worst what's up with that tits yeah let me leave this family and go bang a 20 year old yoga instructor see he's so hot he's cute
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I love him. Forever. Forever. Okay. Love Robert Smith. That's what you want. Yep. Dude, he's so cool, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
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I get that he's cool. Yeah, he is cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's rad. But I mean, I think he's a solid citizen, too. Is he wearing the perfect red? Of course he is. It was based on Robert Smith's red. The perfect red. I should send him some. Do you like his voice? Love his voice. Of course. What are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah, he's Robert Smith. He's like the father of all this. I love him. I love him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He did. He came to town. And we also have. I'm just appreciating my cock and my balls. The great Will Blunderfeld. And he's a close friend. Yep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's definitely wearing a lot of lipstick there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah. Eyeliner. Adorable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Of course. You want to see me in eyeliner?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Do I? Oh, for fuck's sake. I'd love to. Black eyeliner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Let's move on. The next episode that I think is notable. Our former producer Nadav passed away. That was super sad. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He was, I think, eating a dreidel. And then he just fell down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Mm-hmm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Rest in peace, Nadav.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I know. I miss him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Look at those tits I used to have.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah. I was at my house and I was like, why do I feel sad? This is weird. And I was really sad to lose Nadab. You've been in our lives like, yeah, since 2016, since the birth of our first child. But you were like our first retarded son.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
We do have a lot of great memories of you. And we've actually put together a little video.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I don't want to permanently hurt you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Life partner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You got a nice haircut.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Life coach.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I threatened to show you somebody getting very severely hurt.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The fun bit. You need some up dog. What's up, dog? Mosh, what's up with you, dog?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You want to kill him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You deserve it all. The kicks, the screams, the blood.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Look, and he's having such a good time. Look how happy you made him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's what he says after he eats his cum, right? I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That was pretty good. There he is. So many great moments with Nadav. So many good ones. My favorite part, I have two favorite memories about Nadav. Number one, that his favorite movie, like the movie he watches over and over, is Drumline.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, and I watched it just to see what all the big stink is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's not very good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's not a good movie. And I love Nick Cannon. I like the idea. It's stupid. Number two, remember when we were in the Reseda? It was during COVID. And it was hard to come by getting the vaccine. And you had to be a certain weight to be considered morbidly obese to get the vaccine early. And he was like, I'm working on my vaccine weight. I'm going to become morbidly obese to get the vaccine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That is one of the times he says that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Remember that? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I'm in a gain phase right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That made me laugh so much. How are you doing? How's your weight? He's like, I'm almost there. God bless him. Rest in peace.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Rest in peace, Nadav. Another one that was fantastic, and I ended up meeting her, was remember the coffee girl? Of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Sweetest.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh my God. That was also in the last hundred where she came in here because we had read comments where people were, that's where hate from.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Let's just say we had a workshop with him. It's incredible. And on top of that, on top of all that, we have the one and only...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
hate from Australia hate from all these places in the world that was just like unbelievable that we and then I actually she came to Austin she came in studio I went to the gym with her she was really really sweet and she's in Toronto um she has her her coffee business but that was um the sweetest yeah was it Caitlin Caitlin she's so sweet and her coffee's fantastic and she just made like sincere videos like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
This is how I start my day. People were like, I hate you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Waking up. Yeah. Just so sweet. So innocent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It was really crazy, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Why Mix Live is so exciting. This is our first one in a while.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
So this is like that vlog cadence that also people wanted to die with. Yeah. Please delete your account. He would say such mean shit to her, but she ended up being, of course, like the sweetest person.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The nicest. Probably one of the sweetest guests we've ever had. Hate from Australia. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That was so funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
She was delightful.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
We had a run of some incredible guests that came in. Jesse Lee Peterson came in.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Then Gene Simmons. Yes. And then Will Blunderfelt.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
One of the coolest guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
So many gets this year.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh, my God. It was just like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Just like the gays.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Just like the gays.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
How much fun was Gene Simmons, too? I mean, he really came.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
If you love your penis, your self-esteem goes up. I mean, Will.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's also true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Will change my life. Like getting to meet him in person and feel his aura and to feel his love and presence. I just think he's such a special human being. He is a special human being. He's really amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Charo.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Then... Shortly thereafter that, ICP came on. Now, one of the building blocks, the foundations of this show, if you don't know, is... You know what I'm saying?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And we have always done... You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Supercuts, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And these guys came in, or not these guys, sorry, at this time, wasn't it just the, was it both?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
No, it was both. Shaggy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's right, because the first time it was just one. Yeah. Well, they came in and we got to do, after their appearance, maybe the super cut of super cuts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Which was a, you know what I'm saying, super cut from these guys that was just unbelievable. They dropped so many, you know what I'm saying, that we had to...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
spend hours going through this and putting together, by the way, this super cut of, you know, I'm saying doesn't even have all the, you know, I'm saying they had to like whittle it down just to get the proper, you know, I'm saying super cut going. So we have that for you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Unbelievable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That was, yeah, that was really.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You know what I'm saying? Supercuts of, you know what I'm saying? Supercuts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's the best. I don't think you can make another one after that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
No, that episode was explosive. We also got that supercut, but don't forget, that's where we learned that going airtight is gay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It is, according to some. To some. Yeah, I mean, that's, you know, airtight really was a thing that we really wanted to dig deep in. We've had conversations with people who had had threesomes, and we thought, what more could you want? And it turns out one more is what you want sometimes. And so some women opt for every hole to be plugged.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
a crazy short film that we made. It's not even a sketch. It's a short film. It's the biggest one we've ever done, and we're super excited.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And through that conversation, it led to us meeting Airtight Abby. And Abby called into the show and she gave explicit details about her exploits. And she was a very adventurous person.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Was Abby the one where she went and she had sex with all the black guys?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's the one. On the team? Yeah. That is the one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That was wild.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Then she told another story that kind of made us all sad. But yeah, I think she met a guy at the club and she took him back to the...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
or went back to his place and then eventually people started walking out of their of the apartment and they're like can i get in on this she was sure but airtight abby was was yeah it was really it was such a cool story because you and i couldn't believe that people did it in real life yeah because it sounded it sounds like such you know adult film like yeah like just a fantasy you know not real who gets to do that she was like no i did it i did it this generation boy they get it all they
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
get it all airtight abby airtight really really sweet girl um i had the opportunity to meet her and um you did you don't remember that no oh yeah i didn't yeah you didn't go airtight on her no i didn't i didn't know yeah there was an option to meet her somewhere and i did it yeah you're like no thanks no i i believe you said no thanks
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I was like, don't you meet airtight Abby.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, that's how that went.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
How dare you? Just a jealous lady.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
No. I'm sure she's a sweetheart, by the way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
But the best moment with these two, the ICP guys are the best. Yeah, I was like, you guys don't go airtight with each other? And he's like, what? Hell no, that's gay. Such a good moment.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
There's so many crazy things that happen, obviously, over these years. But another thing... We had our suspicions, but we learned that our very own technical director, Eni, is a really high-level sociopath. I don't know if I'd describe it like that. Fartgate 2024 was such a revelation. I've never seen...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And of course, I always have to remind people, and I'm happy to do it. A lot of people worry because it's called YMH Live. They're like, what if I can't be there live? You can still watch the show after the original live version. If you get a ticket, you could watch it Saturday, Sunday, the next week. It's viewable for you anytime.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Like the episodes of the first 48 that I've seen all made more sense when he was pressed with a crime because he was so believable. It was just insane. And it turned out he was just a huge fucking liar.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's a liar. And he's a good liar. Good one. Because I was siding with him for years. I've been on any side. Not anymore, bro. That's not nice. Fool me once. I did nothing. I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I was like, man, what does Chad have against him? Like, it was just crazy to me. And what Chad had against him is that, and he's a fucking liar.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's a liar. And Chad was right. Chad was just being an honest, good boy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And the whole staff was like, yeah. And he was like, man, these motherfuckers are all lying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah. Do you realize we have him on tape farting and then he has the audacity to deny it to his bosses and then to millions of people who watch this program. That is other level sociopathy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Which is exactly why you're employee of the month.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And he also, he did this crazy reveal.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You belong here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Where like, remember the video played? And I thought we were going to.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah. Exonerate him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yes. And it was just like, ha ha, I got you guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Well.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
This guy is nuts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's out of his fucking mind.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I don't know who made that shit, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's ridiculous. Okay, we don't believe you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Didn't he bring it up at the Christmas party, Tom?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Denying it to your face right now?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's not that good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Is this when we first saw this video? Is that what this is?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The surveillance?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The surveillance or his reveal? This is his reveal. Okay. Okay. Yeah, let's see. I forgot some of it, actually.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, blocked it out. Traumatic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's just if you want to be there live as it happens, it's going to be 7.30 p.m. Central on March 7th.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Hey, you're talking over the video, man. Is that real?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
What happened there, Eni?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You know what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Okay, but you did hear yourself in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's amazing. It's a maze. It's a maze.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, but Your Honor, I feel like because we didn't see the conversation, and he has a good point, anybody can go... He could just play a fart. Yeah, and then he could have had them be actors and create a moment.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Maybe he wrote the script and then they recorded it over a black screen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You ready to start the show? Of course. All right, here you go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
But that wasn't Cougar. If you watch this and you don't immediately have more respect for what law enforcement goes through. They have to deal with this shit all the time. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Like he lies. Professionals. No, no, I know. That's part of being a good criminal is lying. And postscript to this whole thing. Now, any apparently just farts with reckless abandon.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
All the time. Yeah. Do you even take credit for the farts now?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
We had it on tape. Get me on live.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's compulsive. Yeah. He cannot help himself with the lies. You can't help yourself, can you, you sicko? fart gate was um it was fart gate and then the lying about what the bet was on the last thing we talked about like oh he said it was 10 or any amount of money oh then this is him right here just going yeah like where is that that ain't my house that ain't what my house looks like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's like, the level of disrespect, man. What's this accent? Hey, yo.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Hey, yo.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's like, hey, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Hey, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
We disrespect brother like that. Shit ain't nice. This is crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
this reminds that right there that yeah what we just saw yeah if that doesn't remind you of presumed innocent the incredible debut of edward norton as an actor with richard gear where he's accused of killing that priest and then you and he's like he's all you know yeah the whole movie and at the end he's like i convinced them all didn't i and you're like oh my god it was exactly like that give him his oscar
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Give him his Oscar or just sentence him to 25 years in prison because that's a fucking career criminal right there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
What is he doing in his off time? Don't you think if he's lying this much to his employers?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's probably doing foot job review videos. I don't know. It's just crazy. Crazy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yep. Typical. Typical. Typical. Typical what? Typical any. Lies.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh, shit. Hey, I stood up for you. You saw it on tape.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You were part of the bit?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh, eventually, yeah. He admitted it. Sorry, I forgot to tell you that part.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, what up now, bro?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Because I was like, Annie, they're totally, because this is off camera. I was like, Annie, they're totally ganging up on you. Is this true? Like, I was so doe-eyed, and I came up to him, and he was like, yeah, farted. And I was like, what? And I was shattered. Right? Do you remember that day? I was fucking shattered.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You were smiling. I was shattered. I was heartbroken. And then I was like, let's keep fucking with Tom now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You just remembered right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Just like that time when you left town and I put a hole in the wall to get the hamster out of the wall that was behind you at dinner. It's two sneaky things I did this year to you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And then there's Chris Larson's video came in.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Cheers. He's the only Pepsi guy here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah. Crazy. Nobody likes Pepsi except for Chris. It's so funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He loves Pepsi.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You got free will. You can do that. Those are big gulps, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, but I would see people like him in radiation. They don't hold up very well after treatment for these things. You don't want to start your life that way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's crazy. You know, we've been sharing those haircut things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh my gosh, you and I have been passing each other these videos, these awful haircut videos.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You know Andy Milonakis, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yes, of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
So he's been around forever. He still looks 13 or whatever. He's done a lot of funny shit, but I saw this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's in Italy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
So wait, so he's in Italy, clearly walks into a place, tells him what he wants. Hold on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And he thought it was a lady.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Get it, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Sucks so bad. Oh my god. That's all you can do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Mom Segura.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That made me laugh. That's the worst haircut. Fuck. That's the worst. That's so bad. It's terrible. It's the sad lady shut it down fucking haircut. It's the shut it down menopause cut. This is why I stick with the same hairdresser, Alan Martinez. Shout out for the last fucking 20 some years. You know, one time when I was in England, I couldn't see Alan. And I went in to get a haircut.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And I was like, just like a bob. Like, I've always had a bob. Just give me like a shorter bob, okay? Yeah. This fucking cunt rag.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
cut my hair like meow like the like so like a mushroom meow like this fucking short the thing you don't realize until you see it horrible how much hair informs it's everything like this looks like a sad lady right like that's what he looks like now he didn't know that was a boy it's really crazy he didn't know that was like a gentleman no he didn't he had no idea he gave him the prettiest old lady bellissima you are sexy still don't let anybody tell you you are not
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
But also very rare that they straighten out curly hair unless you say, I want straight hair. He's naturally wavy. Yeah. They should have cut the hair wavy. That's crazy. Okay. God, that's so upsetting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You remember a few weeks ago we were all, the whole world was really taken by this, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
uh hitler hell and the nazis i i really don't think that he was uh because i honestly think that hitler was a good guy based upon my own research not my own it's always your own research i didn't fucking listen to it so he's yeah we were all like this is the last we're gonna see of bryce mitchell it's not thank god he is out there and uh Keep going, Bryce.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The best thing is that this begins with what you believe is addressing this video, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
A helicopter can't fly around that far. I don't understand what this fucking hillbilly is saying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Easy money given for jobs. I would do that for cash. That's easy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's cool that his little kid gets to hear this stuff, too. What a lucky baby.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's going to get that firsthand education.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You know, you've got to do your own research, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's always good when somebody leads with that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Your own research.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Have you done your own research?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Like what? Just internet stuff? Like weird articles?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Nothing about life on Earth makes me think that it's round or rotating.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Why are they so against the Earth being round? What is that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Because they told us that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The scientists? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Just trying to get us to fucking believe stupid shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Is it anti-Christian or something? The Earth being round?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He said the devil at one point.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh, so Satan's in charge of the roundness of things, of the earth. Is that what it is? Maybe. That's so weird. I don't know why they don't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's so content though. That's the thing about being dumb.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That is like, it's really, I think, satisfying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's enviable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You believe your own dumb thoughts and then you're so pleased with yourself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I thought about that for my whole life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
If I could just be a little dumber, how much happier I'd be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You. Or maybe a. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah. Yep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He's not the brightest guy, but yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh, and it says the earth is a circle. Isaiah 40, verse 22, whatever. Made with a compass. Yeah. Laid upon a face which is bounded as it ends. It does not move and is covered by a dome. So this is like the biblical conception of cosmology, whatever. It's silly, though. This is...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
So easy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
that's my own research i hate everything do your own research do your own research try your own diagrams dummy do your own research that's that's kind of like the that's usually like the first thing that people who um are really dumb
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, they do their own research. I do my own research. What are you talking about? Anyway, I can't. I can't, Tom. Can we switch topics here for a moment?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I think it is Stevie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Do your own research. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He also had this. This is another one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Nobody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Maneuverability. It's crazy too when someone this dumb is this good at fighting because he can kick 99% of people's asses on earth. So it's like you could argue with like the dumbest fucking guy you've ever met and then he could just kill you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah. Yeah. But that's because God only gives you one or two talents tops. You can't be all things. You got to choose one or two lanes and just stay in your lane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You shouldn't be a podcaster if you're this stupid. You really can't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Well, I'm glad that he's putting this out there. For us, yes. I feel like this is going to be a real well of information.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
If he continues, Pike.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I think he's going to.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
If he gets sponsors.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The engagement is going to be, it has to be crazy for him. Sure. Of course, it's not that positive, but yeah. You do see, though, that a lot of people are on board with him. I know. There are people who are like, fuck yeah, people trying to tell you that Earth rotates. Fucking bullshit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Well, good for him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Stop, drop, and roll. What if the car rolls? Is he driving like the Jeep with no doors? I don't fucking know. Is that what he's thinking about? I don't know. You got to tuck and roll. But, oh, I wanted to get to this so we don't run out of time. Yeah. Because it is a timely topic, and I wanted to go there because the mom world... is ablaze with the new Ilaria Hillary Baldwin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
My favorite thing is a young person going, like, this is some things I'll put out. Like, this is your digital footprint.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Alec Baldwin show.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Alec Baldwin show on TLC. Now, I haven't watched a full episode, but I thought we could go through some of the footage. I mean, look how handsome he was when they started together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Dating, yeah. A while ago, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Seven.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
How many nannies?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh, a little Latin there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Forever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
We're solid and we're here, pero together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Somos juntos.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He looks like hot dog shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, I mean, he doesn't look the same. He's also, how old is Alec Baldwin? He's got to be in his 60s, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
No pun intended. Like, yeah, I got a couple foot jobs recently. And you just do an online review of them for people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
At least. But he was, can I tell you about the great tragedy? He's 66. He's 66 years old. I know, but the great tragedy is how hot he was. I mean, I had such a crush on him as a teenage girl. He's a movie star. The Marrying Man, I think. Look him up in that movie, The Marrying Man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Look at Alec Baldwin, 1989, 1990.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh my God. Yeah, dude. Him with Kim Basinger, Basinger, the two of them were together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
God damn, couldn't there be a more attractive couple?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, he's a very good looking guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Stunning.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He played Jack Ryan. Right. With his scarf. This is so cute.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I know. All the Baldwins are hot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Good looking guys, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And then I think having seven kids on top of this accident thing must have just aged him in dog years.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And he's really good, by the way. Not just a good looking guy. He's a really good actor. Yeah. He's done, oh, of course, Beetlejuice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Beetlejuice. My favorite. And he's got a great voice, that gravel voice. Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, because is the community so vast and various that they need a reviewer? It's not like buying a car.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He narrates on that Wes Anderson, the Tenenbaums. Look at that chest. Hairy chest. Oof. That's a man right there. Yeah, dog.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I'm looking right underneath it. It says Alec Baldwin mistaken as a hobo. You know what that is? That's life. That's how life actually goes. There's a certain link that says hottie Alec, and this one says mistaken as a hobo.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Mistaken as a hobo. Yeah, he's got it rough. There he is with Kim Basinger in the 80s. Wow. What a beautiful couple.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You can't judge the guy for his looks at 66. I can.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
All right. I can.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I mean, I know, but he's 66.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I just think it's bad life decisions. I think that having seven children would age anybody. Well, of course it would. It's not cool. It's too many kids.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I don't know why you keep having that many kids.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's too many.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I know, it's insane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And by the way, how many nannies do they have? Give me a fucking break that it's just the two of them. The 66-year-old dad and her. What can a 66-year-old dad contribute? He can't do shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah. He looks like he's fucking 19. I know. He's going to go in for an interview at some point where he'll be like, are you the foot job review guy?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's basically grandpa.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Of course. It's too much. Yeah. yeah he came to play so my friend my mom friend we're all gonna nap that's what's gonna happen in that oh my god alex dreadful reality show is a new low for tv fucking a man yeah but that you know but they they don't like the good stuff we do like my husband is not gay they probably low reviewed that show too i'm ssa They don't know what they're talking about.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Don't listen to these motherfuckers. So anyway, my mom friends were texting me. Would you like to hear their review?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Let me show you what my friend fucking... What are the moms saying out there? In the mom world... Okay, because we keep up on the Ilaria. I watched it yesterday. It's on Max. You have to watch. There are babies crawling up on tables, kids running around screaming. It's a madhouse. It's a madhouse. It's got to be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And then my other mom friend was saying there's this part of the episode where he's complaining to Ilaria that... she's the one in charge of getting the kids going. She's in control of the kids. And he's like, I used to have a say in how the kids were. I don't have a say anymore. And she's like, well, yeah, I'm the mom. And I fucking agree. It's like, go work, go make the money.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Let me deal with the kids. Because dads are not wired for that shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I agree.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
What meds does Juju need to take it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, right. Whatever you say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
What size are Juju's pants? 16. You don't know shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And that's just most dads. It's just our generation, especially Alec Baldwin's generation. He don't know shit about the kids.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Let him go to work.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And let the fake Latin lady run the house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Or even a lady. Yeah. Maybe a dating person down the road is like, what the fuck?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Women are better at that stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I agree. I agree.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Guys, this is not for men.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Not for straight guys. That's the company. You run that company.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's right. I think the traditional way is fine. Unless you have some fucking beta cuck husband. He doesn't want all that to say.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Nobody fucks. Men don't want to do it. No. He doesn't want to raise the kids.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
People had asked, by the way, they wanted to know the update for the woman hitting my car.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And I just wanted to tell you, without getting into too much detail, it's being taken care of. Okay? Stupid bitch. And by that, I don't mean that I'm letting it go. I'm not letting it go, and that's how it's being taken care of. Don't you dare.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
So what is this, so we did make some, I don't know if you want to say it or not, but we made a little bit of progress in your investigation of Brigitte Macron. And do you want to say that we reached out?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Why did you feel compelled to post this?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You say it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Well, we reached out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
To Brigitte.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Just kidding. To Candace Owens.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Who you said is like the leader in this story.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Of course. This is Candace Owens' big moment right now. She is exposed. Brigitte Macron. And as you know, Candace is pregnant right now. So I think flying in might not be doable for her. But we're arranging a Zoom interview so she can fill us in on this Brigitte Macron thing. And I'm telling you, the Macrons are panicking. They're sending her, you know, hundred letter threats and all this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It is real. And none of them being like, hey, Brigitte is a woman. Stop saying that. That's not true. They're not even trying to call her out on that. It's very exciting stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Please do not use gendered language. I miss all that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
We'll find out what the real story is here. Yeah, it's huge. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's what happened. So hopefully we'll get the full story soon.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
But just let us say this now as we wrap up, that it has been the most fun, I think, of our careers that we've gotten to do this show. I never want to stop doing YMH. There's... This is episode 800, and I hope we're doing 800 more of these.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's been a lot of fun. And thank you, you guys, for making this possible. Thank you so much. This started as a silly dream in our little house in Silver Lake with a neighbor that made smelly food through the walls. Yeah. And we've moved it to every house we've been to, and you guys have come with us, and we really appreciate that. It's been amazing. Quite a ride.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's been amazing. We look forward to doing it more, and hopefully we'll see many of you on March 7th. YMHstudios.com, YMH Live is back, and we'll see you soon.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Well, that's cool. Also, I'll say this. His analogy was fantastic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yes. Squid or octopus.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You're like, this is not the normal thing I do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Well, he was saying, too, that the older broad has calluses, which definitely that adds up. It's just inevitable over time. Yeah. You know, but how does she get the grip with the feet? Practice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You just got to practice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's what I'm wondering is how do you get a firm grip with the middles of your feet? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I'll show you. So anyway, it's cool that I have a feeling this is just my assumption here. Yeah. This is not the only review this man has left. It may be worth exploring what other reviews he puts. There's no way he's just like living life and decided this is a one off.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
No, no, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
This person probably has a bunch of cool reviews.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's really risky to put it out there at 19. It's pretty young. He's young. He's not at the end of his life where he's made his money.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah. The young not realizing what they're doing. So this is one lane where he's obviously talking about busting nuts. Here's another way that you could be young and kind of ruin things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
What's everybody? It's time for the 800th episode of Your Mom's House. Woo! Woo!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
We're thankful for you for being a viewer, a supporter of the show.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
We're listening.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
See, that sets you up for life. Yeah. This exists forever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, it's a good one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's a good one to put out there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's a good one. Because, you know, in the 90s, maybe every now and then you'd meet a rando like that. Yeah. And you're like, that guy's just fucked up. And then you talk about it for years.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
But this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, you'd be like, remember the guy?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Remember that guy that called you an animal? And then you'd be like, this guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
This is the guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Here, let me pass this around. I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And his life is over. his employment possibilities, his whole career trajectory. His life is done. It's so fucking done.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Fucking Bryce. Border hopper niggas. Bryce just destroyed his future. And he probably had a good one because he's wearing a nice polo button-up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That might be a work. That looks like it's an actual, it's not like a choice from his closet. He might have been working this event. Just check up. Tied one on. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Isn't that wild? That's so many genes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Like when his boss was like, whoa, wait a minute. What are you doing? What, bitch?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Wow. And not only that, I will say. He had a lot of notes. Yes. And what's really interesting is that he pulled out Beaner, which is old school. That's old school, yeah. So somebody older than him is training him is what I'm thinking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's so crazy, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The kids for today, they don't really know that. They don't know Beaner. No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You goddamn beaners.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He comes from a cool line of people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Right. His mom and dad are saying this crap to him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
We found 800 different ways to talk about brown, injuries, cool guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, it's not just him, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's pretty cool. Ooh, 1444? Yeah. What? This is so stupid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He had it all. He got Hitler. Wow. He said, you fat bitches. Bitches, yeah. What's up, bitch? And he said to kill people, to slice their throats. I thought he was going to be like, you know why you should slice your throats to the border? This Mexican food is delicious. I thought he was going to turn it to the food.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Which is true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, he's hearing this speech from dad, I think, or uncle.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Somebody our age is training him. Taking our job.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The taking our jobs speech.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's the stupidest thing ever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The oldest, dumbest, most fucking ignorant speech of all.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It really is. They're not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Coming here, taking the jobs we want.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The gardening jobs. The landscaping.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Did you want to pick strawberries? You realize that these people are willing to work 18 hours a day and not complain for all this shit. It's unbelievable. I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
So amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
But the problem is this guy never knew any beaners. You know what I mean? He didn't grow up around Mexicans the way that I did, you did in Latin culture. He has no respect for them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Mental illness.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
No, he has no respect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
No knowledge. He doesn't know any Mexicans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
The country club he grew up in, he never met them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
He didn't. He's going to get to know some now. He's going to have a whole new life experience now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
You know, one good thing about... Are you the guy?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
They're going to go, are you the guy that said... Goddamn border hopper niggers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
800 episodes?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Is that you? Is that you? I was going to say that the one bright spot about MAGA and Donald Trump returning to office is that now these cool clips are resurfacing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Sexual things. Yeah. It's pretty cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Of a lot of Hitler clips, a lot of, you know, get them out of the country, they're taking our job clips. Those are really surfacing up now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's making people poke their chest out again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Getting comfortable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
So today, yeah, this marks the 800th time we've done this podcast.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Well, get comfortable with it. You're gonna have a whole cool bunch of things happen in your life. It's fun that you're young enough that you get to experience a full life now. A full life. Yeah. So anyway, there's so many cool things to review and talk about. One of the things we were going to do is talk about some of the best moments of the last 100 episodes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
One of the first things that comes to mind is episode 704. This is when Ryan and Eni challenged each other to basketball.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Do you remember? I remember how... I couldn't believe how competitive Eni was. You really dug deep. First of all, you were one of the only black guys I ever knew that was like, I'm not good at basketball. I didn't play. It wasn't my obsession growing up. Why is that, Eni? Yeah, well, that's my other half talking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
That's amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Right. But then you were like, I cannot let my black half down. Exactly.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Which I can't even wrap my head around that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's just so many episodes. It's a blur.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
It's a blur. Yeah. It's been through really... huge part of our life I mean that's all of it we've been doing this roughly 15 years now so this was like we were we were we were married but we had just gotten married yeah basically we were in an apartment in Silver Lake just took us through we've had two kids I know family deaths yep we've had so many we've moved homes we've moved states
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I think what Ryan was saying was that he didn't claim to play on a college team. It was that he played basketball in college. In other words, not for the school, but it was just part of his... You mean like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Yeah, yeah, like pickup games.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
He's talking to nobody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Moose soup. That's a deep cut right there. Moose soup.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Dang. That's great. Thank you so much. That really was outstanding. Really great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
And you have to get happy birthday in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But that was incredible. I mean, look, if you guys are afraid to do the accent, we understand. Maybe can we open it up to any accent of your choice?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But what always gets me about homeless guy gets by gay ghost is his level of passion.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Because he did kind of descend into Australian.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You just have to get a happy birthday.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, you can do Canadian, eh? It's super easy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Or you can do it as a Larry Baldwin. How do you say?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, static. Well, also, it's contingent on our moon cycles as well. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what I mean?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I got it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
He's going to put my taco in my ass?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah. That's, this is an example. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But I do feel my younger in my twenties. Nigga, I'm not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I think you're going to have a stroke.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I'm great. I just want to make a little announcement before we go forward that Valentine's Day is is fast approaching and gentlemen yeah you should definitely get your lady the perfect four you get all four of my lipsticks in one one parcel go to christinap.com and buy it now right before valentine's day perfect timing absolutely yeah don't compliment that bitch just buy her a gift you know
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But is he saying it deliberately, the wrong name?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
How you doing, baby?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Play it again. I want to hear it. Is it N-word Minaj or is it Nicki Minaj?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Hold on. This could be our whole new thing of what is he saying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
One more? Once more? Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Hold on, hold on. I really want to hear it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Jean, I have Shopify, the app on my phone. All weekend long, I could see when I was selling my lipsticks. It's so cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
He's on fire.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But there's only two genders now, which is so boring. I know. We've got to change our bathroom now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I miss that. Oh, there's my ads. I'm so excited. There's all kinds of new photos up on my website you're going to see for this lipstick company. It's just too exciting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Who is that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Beautiful. Well, I liked she brought up the Romani people, which.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But then she lumped in the Romani with the Creoles, which I thought, are Creole people, are they discriminated against? Oh, maybe. I didn't realize they're. They're marginalized in some way. Are they marginalized, the Creoles? I don't know. I really didn't think of them as it feels like a question for Nicki Minaj.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yes. But but I don't know. And I worry because I worry that she has left out some people. Oh, you know, like how do you cover all your your your bases here?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I'm upset. I don't know. I'm sure the comments are like, you forgot.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Hawaiian.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Hold on. Let me go there with you because I agree. Wait, what's worse, sir? This broad. Because let's round out her personality. You think she's just super lefty and super duper like, I'm vegan, I don't eat gluten.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
And she's got the flags on her lawn. That part really gets me. Playing the chest as an instrument. Hold on, isn't that appropriation? That's like a Native American.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You can't say anything remotely offensive.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, boy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But hold on. Is it her or like born-again Christian who's always talking about Jesus?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
What if it's the Denver airport guy?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Panties and diamonds?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Okay, really? Yeah. But he's talking about conspiracies and the Denver airport looks like a phallic symbol. Do we have him here? Obama and the three things on the flag.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, he is. The videos tab.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Vote for Donald. Remember, he was really high.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I disagree, Tom. I disagree. I like, can I tell you why? Here's why. This is a lot of accoutrement. Okay. It's kind of like a standup comic that needs props. Like he needs the background with Donald. He needs this little keyboard. That woman was out in the snow with nothing but snow in her chest. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I think sophistication, the woman, the indigenous people rap. Also, I think she's more sophisticated. Sorry. That's that's insane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Mm-hmm.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That's really exciting. But unfortunately, I mean, I don't know if he's changed his booking policy, but last time, if he didn't have a mansion, he wasn't going to do house visits.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I mean, you want to have dinner with this? Fuck yes. Will you please pass the maple syrup? I mean, you can't with him. I would be enamored. Nonsense.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Have we? We've been trying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You know who we should check in on?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You know who we should check in on, too, is a pig with tits.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, Norm. I wonder what he's into these days. Will you look into him, Josh? I'm so curious.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, fuck. I would hang out with Norm Somerton over the third eagle of the apocalypse. Yeah, he's a good time. He's such a good time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, is that just from those suction cups?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That's so crazy. I didn't realize you could just do that. Dude, he just straight up made those tits. Or is he taking hormones too?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
It's just the suction.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You need a strong base. I feel like Burt Kirshner would be an ideal candidate for tit cups. Don't you feel like he's got a good base coat of tit meat, probably? Oh, yeah. And then it would just take six or eight hours, like you said. And he's got D-cuts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah. Okay. All right. Vote for the Donald.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I know. Hold on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Well, because they are thieving con artists. Well, they teach their kids to steal and rob and be scumbags. It's a horrible culture. Horrible culture. Yeah. It's a horrible culture. Yeah. It truly is. I've seen the show about them, the gypsies. Remember my big gypsy wedding?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Romney shale.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
They are. But the Romany shills here are, okay, let me just tell you why I got a little problem with them. They do teenage brides. Remember those girls?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, like guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
yeah comes home to a clean trailer yeah yeah that's the highest aspiration a woman can have is to clean the trailer and get married at 14 yeah and then we're gonna have the biggest fucking wedding you've ever seen yeah and her dress is gonna be bling blinked remember that that was like the big thing is that it's shiny dress that's so sad like that's the highlight of your life look what he's wearing with the hat sideways at his wedding that's cool I know somebody one time put our faces on that one that's pretty funny yeah that's a good one yeah
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I'm Romany Shale and they're always fighting and drinking. Look at his vest. His sleeveless vest.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I'm a princess. I'm a blinged out. Yeah, because you're like 12 years old and you still have this fantasy of being a... But I don't know if your Eastern Bloc are gypsies. They don't do this kind of shit. No, no, no. That's what I'm saying. This is like an American version of it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, rotten gypsies.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah. Well, and also, we were in Italy, and I think to our driver, I was like, oh, what do you call gypsies? And he was like, whoa, whoa, you're not allowed to say gypsy anymore. And I go, you can't even say gypsy? What are they?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
They're like Romany, right? The Romany people, blah, blah, blah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Thank you. Well, you know, everybody, we covered it on this show, that Hungary was the first to really ban the study of multigenderism and transgenderism and all this stuff. Looks like our country followed suit. There's only two genders officially now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Well, it looks like we're going that way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, well, we're doing it too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah. Cool. Vote for the Donald. Now it's in my head. You're right. You're right. The vote for the Donald song is a real banger.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Can I tell you what I, well, you do know what I've been doing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
And yeah,
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
okay yeah tell me all right are you ready yeah we'll tell the audience so you know when you go through a traumatic event like i did with cancer you i don't know my shrink told me like you go back and you look at your fucking your traumas like your past stuff and you re you reprocess things right yeah so i it is puke season right this is norovirus time we're in it and i was starting to get
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Real phobic, again, of puking, of vomit. To the point around Christmas, I was getting real nervous. The emetophobia was bad. I was fixating on it. Are the kids going to puke? Is this going to happen? So... I've been in treatment for my phobia of vomiting and it's been like a three week to a month long process.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Well, I'll explain usually what happens with people when you have a phobia. It's an irrational fear of something that at some time Your wires got crossed at some point in your life and you made a causal relationship between vomiting and like the worst thing happening in your life, right? So around the time when I was a little kid, lots of shit going on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I puke and in my childlike brain, I conflate the two things, vomiting and like the worst thing happening in your life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Exactly, exactly. So like, okay, so I've been working with this new therapist and I think I've turned a corner because I was watching a movie the other night and I watched somebody puke. No, it was the witch show, the Mayfair Witches, and the dude puked. And I was like, Tom, I just watched that person puke.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
And I didn't feel a fucking thing. And so I'm ready to be put to the test. I'm ready. And as you guys know, for many years, I've been very afraid of watching puke.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Let me just get my mantra because I'm programmed to think certain things, okay? Okay. I'm supposed to be indifferent to puke. You say I'm indifferent. I don't hate it. I don't love it. It's kind of a neutral reaction. That's the word. It's I'm indifferent. That's unpleasant. That's unpleasant. And that's what I say to myself. That's unpleasant. That's unpleasant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
It's like any other body function. Okay, hold on. Yeah, I'm ready. I'm fucking. Okay. Here we go. I'm going to go. Let's go. Let's fucking. What's that movie? The guy's eyes are open with the toothpicks. Clockwork Orange. Clockwork Orange, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I'm ready. Okay. Is she pregnant? I did it. I'm indifferent. I'm indifferent. Ew.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That sucks that there are kids in the back. All right. That's so much. Okay, now I'm getting a little uncomfortable.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
All right. I just, the repeatedness of it. That was funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I think the repeatedness of the first one spooked me. That was like silly. Babe, here. Try.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
An egg. He threw an egg. That's not cool. Okay, so that doesn't bother me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Guys, this is huge. that's an unpleasant thing yeah that's like a body function like anything else it's unpleasant his laughing was very contagious though that was fun right I liked her sound actually I was laughing at her going he was laughing so hard
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Can you congratulate me? No, this is great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I'm not even sweaty. Feel the palm. Feel it. I'm usually fucking, I'm cold because it's freezing in here, but I'm not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Hold on, can I just talk about why I didn't like the first one a little bit? Sure, yeah. Because it was like, it happened, it happened, and I think her kid being there, and then I could see her
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
and then i i sympathized with it because i was like oh god now i feel like puking watching her puke yeah so i don't know it was so much of fear yeah as oh god now i feel like puking is that but that's what normal people get right like yeah if you see like if someone pukes around you in real life a lot of people i get triggered by that someone vomiting i feel like like you because i started to feel my stomach lurch because i was sympathizing yeah yeah that could happen for sure
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But Tom, I'm really fucking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
This has been, just so you guys know, like weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks of therapy and therapy and therapy. And every night I have to like listen to this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I listen to the programming and I've been like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Fuck. Oh, no. I don't like watching him feel it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
The buildup, I don't like this. I don't like this. No? No. Because I'm sympathizing. Cut it off? Because I start to feel it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But I'm not afraid of it. I just start to feel sick myself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But it's a distinction because in the past it was just terror.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
No, I can go on to the next.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I don't want to... Well, hold on. Let's just do it. I'm going to Clockwork Orange it. Fuck it. All right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah. Oh, I mean, this is unpleasant. This isn't just an unpleasant body function. I'm indifferent. I feel neutral. What is it that he's eating? It's like canned fish. Oh, I don't like that. Oh, I don't like that. Okay. I don't know. I don't know. I don't like the lead up. Let's go to the next one. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. He's already puked.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, my God. I'm laughing. I've never laughed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
It's so much, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
And he's trying to be discreet. He's like, hold on, I'm coughing. What would you do, though, if you had to puke this much in public?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Is he just drunk? Is he too drunk?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
It looks like beer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, because I'm not seeing a lot of food. I'm just seeing like, it looks like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That one's for Tommy. That was for you, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, don't do that. Don't do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That was disgusting, though, that he sucked it out of the kids. That's just gross anyway.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Nice. He's so good at marketing. So fantastic. And if you haven't tried his strawberries with ranch, do yourself a favor and get on that now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Okay, that actually makes me laugh. Look, he's making fun of you, Sean. Oh, my God. Yeah, enough already. How much are you going to go, Tom? Ugh. Are you listening to Nicki Minaj?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Ugh. Yeah, you're too hot. You're overheated. More? You're going to go back for seconds? Jesus. Yeah, your head is red. Beet red.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, I know. I got it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I'm watching. I know. My eyes are open. I'm not freaking out. Hey, I'm not freaking out. I don't like it. It's unpleasant. Ugh. He's such a shit bird. Hey, you know what? I fucking did it, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Right? No, I did it. Hello, can you guys clap for me? I fucking conquered my phobia. That was huge. 48 years of severe emetophobia. I just watched clips.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
It was unpleasant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But the world didn't end. I didn't feel like climbing out of my fucking skin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, I thought you said there's more to watch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Are you kidding me? This is just the beginning. Yeah. Like, I mean, I don't, like, again, I don't feel terrified like I did in the past. It's unpleasant to watch. Like, Niana, was it how Niana felt preparing the clips? Like, is she a metaphobic, too, or just...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
um i think it just kind of grossed her out right like you just feel like oh if i watch this long enough i will puke too yeah that's so weird let's just do something funny oh no no to balance out of this you swear yeah oh you're gonna play more puke oh a forklift definitely not america Oh, shit. Homie, you got fucked up, bro. Fuck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
whoa can i tell you what went what went wrong here yeah i think the object is too the fucking the object is too tall to be on a forklift pallet there is no pallet by the way the speed with which that hit him can we see it again
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Is it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Okay. And they're trying to like use a forklift? Yeah. Well, look where we are.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Not a good idea, boys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
This looks like Kyrgyzstan.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
This is definitely a stand. Yeah, yeah. Fuck. And everybody's standing around.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Panties and diamonds?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
No, it's okay. I don't need to hear it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah. Oh, shit. I hate these, dude. I fucking hate these. I hate...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Of course, that's what happens at these.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
For sure. But that's the artist he is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
MMA or this Muay Thai?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I saw it at a UFC fight. Hold on, can I brush my hair? I just feel like brushing, it's like too crunchy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Right? Yeah. It's like softer looking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
It's just a good color too. Alan Martinez. Shout out. Always, homie. Always. Same guy I've been going to for fucking 30 years. That's pretty crazy. He's my homie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Fuck. He's not good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Was that an e-bike? It sounded like.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Guys, we have so many good things on this episode. Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, but everything broke before he hit it. Did you see it all?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Okay, is it just that this guy is like a tree climbing adult?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That gave me the chills. That sucks. He thought he was going to jump from a tree 60 feet into river water. That's just inherently not a good idea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, he wanted to jump to another tree? Yeah. Or did he want to jump into the water?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
What, like squirrels? He can't just do that. People don't do that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
She probably has like a hunch, like a hump, right? Isn't that usually a fat pad or like? I don't know. I don't know. Ah! Ah!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
This nurse is flossing on her patient and then just wiped her mouth on the patient's hand. Yeah. Flossing over this patient. Okay. Insane. It's insane. Well, what's crazy is who's filming her. Is it the visitor?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Right. And you're doing this in front of the visitor and the patient?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You're an animal, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
What an animal.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, my God. This poor man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, no kidding. Because I even feel uncomfortable flossing near you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But even when you and I do it near each other, I'm kind of like, I don't really want you to see me doing it. It's gross. It's so private. But I have flossed with the strings from my socks, remember? In an emergency situation on planes when I was traveling.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
No, this is, and there's a camera, dummy. And the visitor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
did I tell you what my mother used to do all the time when we were after we were done eating in a restaurant she would take a toothpick or the card or whatever and then yeah cover her mouth and then do this like we still know what you're doing yeah just go somewhere else yeah it was so disgusting why couldn't she go somewhere else I don't know I don't know maybe it's a foreigner thing is this lady a foreigner no no I don't know dude
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I was so fucked up. I can't believe I did not freak out with all the pukey. It was pretty great. I'm still pretty stoked. I'm proud of myself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
All right. Congratulations, Emma.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That is great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
What does that mean exactly?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You're the one. You're the one doing it. Oh, here we go. Here's some footage.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, that's nice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
She looks fantastic. And I have to say, I congratulate her on her makeup and her hair looking fantastic, even though she's taking it in the A. And I see why this scene is an award winner. Wow, that was a wide hole.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, yes, yes. That was an award winning scene. I felt it. I felt her passion. I thought she looked incredible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, president. Yeah, president. You need a president.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, that's amazing. It's hard to win those.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
And see, this is why the guys in my bro gym make the noises. Now I understand.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That is nuts. But I like his theory that you should get credit for doing something like that. That's a powerful lift.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You should be like, yeah, bitch. Ding-a-ling. Like an alarm should go off. Fucking sirens.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I get it. But I'm saying like if some boys in my gym, they make a lot of noise and they're not doing stuff like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I like it. Yeah, it's interesting. I don't know where it's going to go. I don't know why he's doing it. There's some more questions.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That's the best part. It's basically like bullying's back. No, but here's also why I like it. I feel like, and correct me if I'm wrong, Angelenos, that that laugh is a specifically Mexican LA dude laugh, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, feel that. Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That's what's up. Yeah, that's why I was like, dude, I fucking heard this directed at me quite a few times growing up in the 818. Yeah, those are Cholos, dude. That's why it's so priceless. I know those are Cholos. Light that fucking guy up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
They didn't have to say shit. Did they technically bully? They just laughed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That's Cholo laughing for sure, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
but that's not la no these are latin guys laughing but isn't that like europe or something look at the signage and everything i don't maybe but i'm telling you do that right angelinos that's a car full of homies it sounds like i know that's that's europe that's european maybe they're on a european vacation sa you don't know the cholos are on the hey maybe fucker maybe they like to travel you don't think they go to amsterdam that might be fucking amsterdam
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, he's walking down the street with his furry ears.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That's the best way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I hate the self-esteem people have these days.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
It's pretty good. I don't know. Go with it, guys. What the fuck? Yeah, this guy. Yes, indeed, baby. It's an alligator.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
It's not big enough, you're right. It's going to take him hours to smoke that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Hours. How long to smoke a full-size alligator wrapped in bacon?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah. And not only that, look, I've tried alligator right in Florida. It's good. It's good meat. But I think if you wrap anything in bacon, it's going to taste good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You're supposed to skin them, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Because you don't eat gator skin, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I don't think it cooks up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, that's so true. Yeah. It's like eating kiwi skin or something.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
She wants to know your opinion.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Well, let's have an opinion. The dog shit in the bed and she slept in it. And then her mom won't let her have ice cream because then she shits in the bed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah. I'd, I'd wake up if I smelled the dog's poo in the bed. And also rock on. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
And as women leave with their bag, they're cheering for her. But do you know why? No. Because Denmark, I believe, if I'm not mistaken, is one of those equal, equal societies, right? Like remember when we were in Amsterdam and everything's so 50-50? I don't think women really buy lingerie anymore. They even dress alike. They're more asexual, the men and the women, you know? Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
So maybe I'm thinking this has something to do with that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You don't think so? No. And Google in Denmark, the women are asexual in Denmark.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But I'm saying because they're in Denmark and they're like, all the chicks here look like dudes. Why is that? And they're probably celebrating the ones that are being like chicks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I would love it if there was a group of Irish football fans cheering for me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That'd be so much fun.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You know what? Yes, I'm aroused.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Your Nicki Minaj is my guy making these noises.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Thank you. Obvi. I mean, it just makes you really understand the deep need, the sexual needs that men have.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
My partner and I love watching this. Can I tell you, you don't think they should put maybe handicapped people or differently abled people on the flag?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Isn't that, is there a flag for that? People that are differently abled?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, there you go. But he didn't even do the disability. That's the disabled pride flag. You'd think that he would start with the... It's so hard to choose between the disability flag and the gay flag.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Well, wait, the disability flag is similar to the gay stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I know, I feel like they're leaving people out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Can we hear it again?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Hey, maybe we could ask the UK people to do happy birthday.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Happy birthday, governor.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
He should be doing it. How are you feeling? I'm amazing. How are you feeling? What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Happy birthday.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Governor. That's the guy. That's the guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Well, he's a cool guy. You like cool guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, he thinks he's really inventing some new shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
In your booty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
It's not that far.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, he's a cool guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Thanks, buddy. I'm still working on it. It's going to get better and better.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
All right. I'll go with you on this journey.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, yeah. Buy my lipsticks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Diamonds and panties.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Diamonds in the crevice of your pussy. Diamonds in the crevice of your pussy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Which man? Hold on. Jesus, that was fucking terrible. Thank you. And also, it's delivery. The way he says it is very desperate. He's confessing. Yeah, but it's not hot. If it's a dude who's like, if he says it with more confidence.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Do you think Henry Cavill would even say these words?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
He wouldn't say that. Not my Henry Cavill.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That's Ghost Crew. I've missed that. I miss that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But with everything, Tom. Sure. With everything.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
No, that's okay. I got it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But no one's shaming him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Well, you think somebody shamed him for that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
You think he's like raised evangelical Christian or something weird? Maybe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That was like a trip down all my favorites. Homeless Man Gets By Gay Ghost. That's right. Probably one of the top clips on the internet ever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That's always, it's a really good point because that's a different video.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
That's a different post. I think I have a little cold or something. Stop.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I mean, yeah, I guess he's got, yeah, is it like a support group for men that are ashamed of enjoying women's vagines?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
For so long. For so long. The deep shame about loving women.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Okay. You know what? I just realized BTW. What? Why do you say it with disdain?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
What am I supposed to do? But turn away from the mic, man. I'm a broadcaster. I've got to clear the instrument before I go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
But then how will you hear it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Shit feels good. Feels good when you're fucking me. And he really gets into it. Do we even have that? Oh, for sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Gene, I love the black roses that you got me for this Valentine's Day. You really know me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I'm forgetting my fucking point. Okay, listen, listen, listen. What I'm trying to say, Your Honor, is that I have to thank Dr. Drew Pinsky.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Number one, he really alerted me to the fact of how sexually motivated men are. And I really didn't understand this. I was so naive to it my entire life, up until about five years ago. I really did not understand. And in fact, I saw like a TikTok or something where,
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
where um this guy was like men and women talk to each other for different reasons okay so for instance men think that when a woman talks to them it's because they're interested in them sexually okay but women from our point of view i'll talk to anybody most the time when i'm in a good mood i wouldn't say that but like i i i talk to men and i don't even
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
to men I would think disgusting vile I'm never going to have sex with you there's nothing sexual but I didn't realize that that every time I was talking to a dude they're like this girl wants me like why else is she paying attention to me she wants to bang me obviously I mean I guess like in the past you would always be like Oh, you think he's hot? You flirted with him?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I'm like, no, I just, you know what I mean? I just like, I like people. I don't think of it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
I used to be. I think the older I get, I'm tired. I'm weary. I only want to hang out with types of folks I really gel with. Like if we're not on the same frequency and you're a normie or you're, you know what I mean? You're, you're low vibe. I can't, I can't, I can't explain myself to you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
For those of you who don't know, it's a homeless guy who... Thinks he's being anally sexed. Yes. And he's in an alleyway on his back and he's got his legs in the die-die. Up in the air, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
For sure. But this guy on TikTok was like, I just assume that when a woman talks to me, she must like me, like have an interest in me. Otherwise, because men are the way, like men don't talk to women unless they're interested, right? Like, do you just talk to random broads?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Oh, so maybe this guy was off. I can't imagine anybody on TikTok is off.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Yeah, because he was saying, I don't talk to a woman unless I'm interested.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
Do you hear that? Oh my God, did you hear that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Faces Her Deepest Fears (It's Puke) | Your Mom's House Ep. 796
All right. I love these. I want to see more and more and more.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Ranking America's Hottest Presidents | YMH Ep. 788
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Ranking America's Hottest Presidents | YMH Ep. 788
I kind of feel like, are we ranking these guys against the ones we're showing or entire presidency? Because they would be closer to tens, almost all of them. Wait, if they're what? If they're ranked against all of presidential history.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Ranking America's Hottest Presidents | YMH Ep. 788
471.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Everybody in Europe. Well, the good thing is, though, it kind of took the pressure off the trip. You know when you're a tourist and you're like, hey, we got to go to London Eye, and then we got to go see Big Ben. We relaxed, and then we went to the Tower of London because the kids wanted to see murder, killing. Swords. Swords, the rack, torture. And I was like, that's definitely your kid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Well, you know, you always ask this of me whenever there's a cool guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
This being a cool girl.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Well, do you want to hit it? Knowing, hold on, knowing that our Garfield is pretty tight and snug.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Be honest. Pretend we're not married.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
This is your one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
By the way, I had this exact ceiling.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But that probably makes it even better, babe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Wow. The honesty there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
See, this is where you and I agree to disagree. I can't look past the externals. I can't look past the teeth. I can't look past the ceiling that's falling down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I don't know, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
She's got a lot of shit around her neck for sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Where do you take her? I mean, do you go to a shed? Because you want to keep it a secret. You can't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
So then do you check into like a scummy motel?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Those are your children. And they loved it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, of course not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Do you know what I just, yeah, sorry.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I just had a flash of, you know, when you, you just know two people and you're like, I wish I could set them up on a date.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Don't tell me that you don't think she and Unkshine would be... Oh, amazing. ...a perfect match. Ay-yi-yi. Yeah, because he's like, I want to lick your booty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Um, cool. Yeah. And then we flew back 10 hours to Houston.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
He's always talking about eating girls out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, he loves eating girls out. She loves having her. Here's the thing, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
He is a mess. Yeah. That's true. I wonder which gentlemen are with her, though. I don't know. By the way, this ceiling thing that's falling in her car, I had the exact thing happen in my 87 Chevy Nova, and I can tell there's... I had cigarette burns in mine, too, which I think I see up there as well. Very hard. Once it starts falling, that one is almost impossible to repair. It's very tough.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
And, um, our kids peed every 15 minutes on that flight. So every time I could like sit down and relax, they're like, mom, I gotta go pee.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, you can angle it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, wow. Surprise answer for many. I didn't think you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
100%.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Men are different creatures, I'll tell you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
They're always... I feel sick. I don't want you doing that sound and acting. Stop.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Okie dokie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Anyway, I wanted to let you know, apropos an earlier discussion on this show, I mentioned obese flight attendant that I had on a flight. And so I was on another flight and a fan of the show, this flight attendant was kind enough. And she goes, I heard what you said about the overweight flight attendant. And I was like, Yeah, tell me, why is this happening?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
She goes, they haven't weighed us since 1994.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Absolutely.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
And she says, you know, they stopped weighing us because she said apparently it's a form of discrimination and it's protected to be a great big fat person. Now, here's the deal, man. I mean, I don't know. The lawyers didn't argue this case publicly. Well, because that's a controllable thing, your weight, correct? And what if it's a qualification of said job that you need to be a certain?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Terrible. They got to take this stuff out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But it makes no sense. Like, let's say a qualification to be a physicist is a PhD in physicistsics, right? There's a qualification. There's a thing that needs to happen. So why can't maintaining a baseline... There's probably... It's all unionized.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
There must be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I mean, look, a little... I'm saying that this guy was so obese that it was like he was bumping into us and stuff as he was walking by. I'm like, he can't even do his job.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
So... Yeah. But it's cost prohibitive for the airline because you're taking up someone's suitcase space, let's say. They are. Weight is important on an airplane. It's a safety issue.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That's the biggest problem.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Pretty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Remember when they were pretty and stuff? You know where they still are? Only pretty women.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, dimes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Happy. This is nice. Even, shout out to Richard Branson on the Virgin line, Virgin Atlantic. I loved flying Virgin because they were all cool and pretty and they had cool outfits.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
It matters, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
The hostess, of course. The waitress. Oh, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, dude. It's a safety issue. How is this person going to assist me off? Why is someone getting so fat? And also, when you fly, as you know, Tom, there's a weight allotment for aircraft. Of course. It affects the safety, the balance. And here's the thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Big broad.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
They don't, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, she's all logy from the carbs. I do. However, the obese guy that served, he was gay, too. He was gay. And he was polite. He was fun because he was gay. By the way, I prefer a gay flight attendant. I love the gay male ones. Describe yourself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I love a gay flight attendant.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
They're great. And I will say, shout out to the gays in New York City. Boy, can they dress. They looked fantastic. The gays came with their fashion.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
In the U.S., they have fat flight attendants.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, and how cool would it be to be the person pictured in that article?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You would be like, oh my God. They can't use that picture, can they? But I will say in London, you don't see as many great big fat people because I think they don't have as much food on the go that we do. Like you can't just grab a pizza slice and walk through London. We're the fattest.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
So pretty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
So pretty. So many good looking people. The modeling capital of, wait, one of the modeling capitals. Stunning people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, listen, I love Austin. I love Austin. I got to say, a lot of the ladies walking around here, garbage dumps. They're not taking care of them. They're not looking good. I mean, you guys see them here in the bar.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That's Dallas and Houston.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But Austin is more like just the young girls that should be cute. They're they they dress like garbage bags.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That's so fun. Yeah. And your littlest buddy, Juju, decided to take a horrendous dump on the flight back from London.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, there's more. There's more. Okay. There's more.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
raw show and it's very real and we took a lot of chances did you see his face was like bitch I will hit you and I will say in this instance yeah he should have hit her I think this is the time you hit a bitch is this that is a fucking lack of respect yeah big she don't respect him
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, it did.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
How do you say disrespect? Can you find that? I saw the first few seconds and I clicked off because I'm so disinterested in these two people. But, I mean, babe, if I talk to you like that, first of all, privately, negative, but publicly?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
First of all, the guy's old. He doesn't want seven kids. He's letting you have seven kids. Be nice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Dude, like it was a multi wiper. Like he had to wipe about 500 times. And he's one who really loves a bidet and loves getting clean. Yeah. He loves it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
100%.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, a little Sean Connery. Ay, que lastima. How do you say it? What do you say when you get hit in Spanish?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No me pegues. No me pegues.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That was insane. But she has a great rack for fucking seven kids. She's beautiful.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Of course, she's always working out on the ground.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
All right, let's see this horse shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What's the...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
It's a great apartment in New York City.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. Well, and then she doubles down on it. This is a double down. Yeah, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What's going on?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What is going on here? Yeah. Does she have the grip in her Garfield?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Is that this is?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
So I was standing and they won't go to the bathroom alone on an airplane. I had to stand there watching. Yeah. And then he's like, it's not clean enough. It's not clean enough. And I'm like, it's fine. He's like, well, how do I clean it? And I'm like, just get the toilet paper wet, dude. He just kept wiping. And meanwhile, there's a line of people. I can't shit on an airplane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, it's not anymore.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Babe, this is Alec Baldwin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, but he's Alec Baldwin. He can get, he was with Kim Basinger at one point. Like, bro, he don't need her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
before him it's because you're not that entertaining well she's not there's no talent there's not a talent you're still a yoga instructor yeah you just married a movie star she's gorgeous hey very pretty good body good fate like she's really i don't think she's very interesting to listen to or there's not many ideas and stuff but um wow i'm surprised did you see the rage hold on can you back it up in that interview where he kind of goes he goes
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
So that's funny. Now he's still funny. Now he thinks about that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. Yeah. He's thinking of the Garfield. He was thinking of her Garfield.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. He's trapped, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Poor guy. I mean. He's 66. This man is almost 70 years old. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But, man, I had the biggest crush on him when he was a little girl. He's turning 67. When he did that movie, The Marrying Man, with Kim Basinger, I was like, God, if I grow up to look like Kim Basinger and I could get Alec Baldwin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, my God. I thought he was the most attractive man I'd ever seen.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Ugh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
In what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
All the Baldwins. I think one or two are kind of goofy looking. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That voice, that gravelly voice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Nope.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I get so much anxiety because what if they, you know, there's people waiting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But it's always a marriage killer because everybody that's ever done one, they end up divorced except for Ozzy and what's her name? Sharon Osbourne. But other than that, they didn't divorce her together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
but they were ironclad before yeah i mean ozzy was doing crazy shit for years before they had a reality show the reality show probably calmed him down but they always end up divorced broken no good no bueno no well my god that was just fucking insane oh yeah this is you're gonna love this i would have hit her fuck dude got a montage for you you ready oh yeah here we go
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Anyway.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
This is what it feels like to take the subway in New York City.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, my mom got into that later in life. Really? There's waves and the telephone's got sound waves. I can't use the telephone. I can't send emails. This is a little bit of schizophrenia, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What's she mad at?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You've got to put tinfoil on the windows. Everybody knows that. Day number one. Yeah. Yeah, don't go outside. This is when you become a shutout. This is about where my mom decided to call it a day. Gosh, but man, there's a lot of tears. There's a lot going on. Yet she still knows how to post a video on social media. And she writes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
She does? Yeah. Oh, wow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Looking forward to her creative development. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But you don't feel the pressure of the people? Other people? No. No. I mean... How do you block that out?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars. I'm into this. And the waste. Just the ecological stuff. So imagine I just shit. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
How are you rinsing it, though? You're using soap, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
The problem, though, is that I got to wipe my genie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Do I get my own cloth?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I can't use the shit cloth on my vagina.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, I didn't even think about that. And then the boys, they get to wipe it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
This is such a great idea. We got to get into the family.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
She's got a great hiney.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
pretty face i could do these videos so well i'm gonna get into this yeah 50 year old mom farts a lot of farts like she's doing makeup you see she's got her eyeliner brush in her left hand there no i could do this every time i worry if you're gonna drop dead and i have to support the kids i remember i can do these farts yeah i know any any's turned on right now
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
She's got to do this because guys get hard. They pay for it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
She doesn't want to. The other things are nasty. This is easy. This is money on the table. It is the easy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Roll camera.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Gotta get another one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I don't even see her face. Could be anybody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Her clothes is on. Her clothes is on? Her clothes are on?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. What's everybody? Yeah, I think that I could do this lickety split.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I think I got a new painting coming. I finished one. I will be honest. I did finish my next one, but I'm not sure it's good enough.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I've got some artistic stuff. I don't know. I'm feeling insecure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I need a rogue. God, you have to start creating a rogue pocket in your pants and stuff. You're so into these. It's not a bad idea. No, it's not a bad idea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Breed? Why Breed? Oh, nice, bro. That's good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
breed mc breathe um that was so silly reed can i say something about reed though yeah he's pushing back now is he yeah he's getting some sass he's getting his feathers ruffled that's what you want man he's pushing back yeah he came in a little more docile and now he's like fuck you dude yeah well he's gotten he's getting good he's getting yeah he's comfortable Yeah, he's getting strong.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I like it. I like it. I like it, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What part of the world is he?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. You badger them into submission. But I feel like that's the position you have to take if you're going to be so bold as to shit on a flight. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I mean, have you ever spoken to anybody... Like that in your life? No. Especially the landlord.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I think so.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. He shouldn't really tell people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You know, can I tell you what he's giving me, though? You're kind of giving me Fedsmoker vibes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, for sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, me either. I'm liking this evolution. You know, we started as the ladies, man. Just get your D-Wop. But now we're getting aggressive. We're starting to get into Fedsmoker territory.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You sure are. We're getting there. This is turning. This is turning. Changing my lock.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
It's your problem now. But that only comes with being a dad. I think you've really come into your dadhood. You were always meant to be a middle-aged dad because that was who you were at 23 when I met you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Wow. Oh, no, he's getting kicked out. What are you talking about?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I wish I could see what he's doing that's ramping these folks up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, thank God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I know, and he loves the library. That's his favorite place.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
We're like, at the library?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Big dad energy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, I got it. This is classic Tony, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
This is the essence of TJ, though. This is the Tony Jones I know and love.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
this is this is the fulfillment it's all this is perfect for you this is your time this is your stride yeah yeah feels good yeah i think i was meant to be like a 50 year old lady because i like that time feels good it does feel good because the the pressure's off the pressure's off i've done a lot already i'm not looking for dudes to date or talk to me you know because i've already got the dudes you got a dude you already got a dude
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I thought they changed the locks. How is he getting back into the place?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What is he drinking?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
See, you know what he figured out with OnlyFans? Is that the only people paying for sexual content on OnlyFans is dudes. It's men. Women are not paying for this stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I'm a worker. You're a worker. You're a worker.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Do you think he has a bank account, though? I'm a ladies' man. I'm a performer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
There's no way he's paid yet. How are they paying?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I can tell. I mean, look, he's got money for the tanning salon, for the fitness membership.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That's what I mean. It's insane. How is he? I don't know. I wish he would just stay at a Walmart. He needs that structure. I don't know what's going on. He needs a paycheck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
All right, can I push first?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What's everybody?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What can people see on your OnlyFans?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But, Tony, do you have somewhere private you can make these films? Just somewhere private?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Tony, do you have a bank account that you can link the OnlyFans to? Are you getting paid?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Okay. So you're getting your money from OnlyFans. That's good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
So you're doing that. And then can you find a new place to live?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I bet you would be a really good car salesman. You love people. You love talking to people. Yeah. That's a great gig.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, yeah. How you been, Christina? I'm good, sweetie. I'm just glad to hear how happy you are. Oh, fuck, I'm loving all this. I like that OnlyFans is working out for you. And you mentioned in your stories that maybe you would consider doing some videos for the guys. Because I think guys actually pay quite a lot more than women on OnlyFans. Yes, ma'am. So tell me about that. What's that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Governor, I'm pumped. I'm ripped.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. Because that would be a great back-to-back debut. Yeah, because I think this is actually your lane. I think you may have found your talent, Tony.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes. No, no. Keep going. Keep going. Yes, ma'am. But try to find somewhere more private, maybe. I don't want you to end up in jail, okay? Yeah, don't get kicked out of another place. Film...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, my God, Tom. I love you guys, bro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I think he's going to stay in Vegas. Vegas might be where you love to live. I think he might like Vegas a lot, Tony.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, I think you should, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I'll grab the pocket.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You're a worker now, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, yes, ma'am. And guess what? Vegas is a very judgment-free zone. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. Oh, that's amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You got to go. That's where you got to be. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
We'll talk to you soon, man. Bye, Tony. Take care of yourself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Bye, sweetie. Wow. Well, I tell you, if we aren't making dreams come true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. But what a great lane for him. I think sucking on dude's toes, like, that's easy money, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Of course there is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Of course. For a male performer, that's where the money is. And I think sending him to Vegas is going to change his life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Wouldn't that be the perfect matching?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Right? I see the look in your eyes. Like, that would have been the best. Do you think Robert would go for a Tony John's? It's fresh meat. I know. The look in your eyes. I saw it. I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Best idea ever, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Why not?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I mean, essentially, he's doing what Robert Paul Champagne does, too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But Robert doesn't do OnlyFans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Maybe he should.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I think so. Dude. Oh, my God. Can we get on this? Can we reach out? Maybe RPC will.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
This is insane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I really do think that once Tony gets to Vegas, he's going to see that that's where he's meant to be. Don't you feel like that? Yes. Auburn, New York is not the right place. He's got to get out of there. It's too small of a community. He's menacing the community. He needs to go to Vegas where there's a lot of weird shit where he's just like another guy. He just fades into the background.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I mean, this is a whole new line we're doing here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I mean, the irony with Tony Johns is that this whole I'm a ladies man thing and this and that, he kind of does have the dong for porn.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I mean, God gave him a talent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Like, go with it, kid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Sometimes you're just given one thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
He is the Dirk Diggler. Yeah. When Dan Soder said that. Dan Soder was like, he's like Dirk Diggler. I'm like, I think he might be.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You don't get it all, but when you get it, boy, you got one thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. There he is, dude. Tony. I mean, he kind of is Dirk Diggler. He is.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Wild, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That's bad luck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That's such bad luck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, I'm just trying to watch some fucking guy do some shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Some of the handlebars.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You got excited about RPC and Tony Johnston. Yeah, it's really exciting. I saw the creative wheels turning when I said it. Your eyes lit up in a way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Me too, bro. So many things to go over. We've lived quite our lives in the last couple weeks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. Oh, I know. It's 15 years of work. I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Right. There's nothing else we can do. Now, the only other thing I would say is Norm Somerton, Tick Cups.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
There's two cool guys that got away.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
King Ass Ripper.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Never wanted to do the show. We reached out to him for years and years and years. Yep. And Norm Somerton. Those are the only two cool guys that got away from the show.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But RPC.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Wow. Yeah? Wow. Whoa, hold on. Can we check it out?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I don't know, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I don't think that Tony's his type. That's the only problem.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Fuck!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I think the two of them would J their Ds.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Because they love to do that on camera anyway. That's a deal, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, I know. It's just exciting when inspiration strikes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Okay. And if you don't like it, I'm not going to like it either. Like if you can't watch it, there's no way I can watch it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Is it too emotional? And it's just embarrassing. I hate emotional shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Well, I think because I got to go to that and I was so pumped to see you do MSG. I mean, it was, first of all, New York City to me is the center of the universe. It's fantastic. And to see, the crowd was so hyped because I think they get it. They're like, if you're at Madison Square Garden.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Well, it's terrible. Yeah. She didn't have to talk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You don't have to talk. She's clearly nervous.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, but you can. It's 2021. Of course you can.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
This isn't 1960. It's so weird.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Where the fuck do these people live that it's a big deal?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, it's horrible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
It's horrible. Remember that one wedding you and I went to where the dad gave kind of a backhanded speech?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
He's like, we didn't think much of him when we met.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I just don't think, I don't even know why people have to give speeches at weddings, honestly. It's the worst. What the fuck do you need to say?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I hate giving speeches at things like this. Maybe the father of the bride or the parents say something, but your dumb, dumb friend has to get up drunk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
And not only that, you know how they're not used to giving speeches, so they're very banal and boring and basic bitchy. Yeah. Oh, my God. When Stacey and I met in college, I was like, Stacey, you're such a whore. You're never going to get married. Like, they're always the same formula.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
It's not interesting. I mean, and you can see that there's black people in the room. Yeah. So it's like, what are you doing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I know, and if she didn't approve of the groom, then why are you, don't go to the wedding. Don't be a part of the wedding party or whatever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You did it, man. And they're rooting for you. They want you to do well. And it was so big. Oh, there's Joey. Oh my gosh, he's so funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
And not everybody has to talk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But what's really gnarly is that this could have just been a memory without a video.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, I was just going to say that she's dressed like a whore for the wedding. For a wedding.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Well, her dress. She's going to marry him. So short. She's going to fucking marry this guy. It's too low cut and it's too short. It's like she wants. She looks like she's going out. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
She wants the attention. Yeah. She's all over the map. This chick's messed up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
But then it's, I like black people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
My great, my nephew's great aunt is black. Is black.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
It's making me uncomfortable, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Or, okay, or if you're going to do it, just make one funny joke and be done. Yeah. One comment, but not even like actually has to be genuinely funny, which is kind of hard to do in today's day and age. Like we've all heard.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
The interracial couple jokes. I'm trying to, you know what I mean? What are you going to say?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, yeah. She's fucked. Yeah, this went viral.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I know you are, babe. I'm here for you. I don't know what to do. Oh, hey, buy my lipstick, guys. ChristinaP.com. You can get the perfect for all four of my new shades. ChristinaP.com. Check it out. Try it out. Get them all. They're fantastic. I'm wearing the perfect red right now today.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Let me tell you this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Can I talk to you for a second? Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That's what he said.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Chrissy, Dee, and I were backstage, and in his green room, there was an event from 1984, a poster that said, Cat Ranking...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
assembly or cat ranking whatever thing and he's like my you know how he talks like that my uncle irvin was a cat ranking judge and i'm like no he wasn't he's like no look there's videos on tiktok he's ranking cats you're so fucking crazy it's so insane these guys are nuts dude
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, yeah. His whole life has changed because of 3 Day Blinds.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
um one thing before we leave the topic i just want to give a shout out to london yeah a number one food i don't know what happened to us a couple years back told you we got jacked yeah we went to bad places i don't know how that happened i just want to give a shout out to london your food crushed yeah however i will say i don't know what europe has against public toilets yeah it feels like they want you to eat the food but not shit anywhere yeah public
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
They're like, you take that dump home and you pee at home.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
They just don't do public. And oh, you want to use our toilet? That's like five pounds. Yeah. You got five pounds on you and then you have to stand in line. I'm like, this is insanity. I don't like it either. So eventually I would pop into a pub. I learned what to do with the kid and with the kids. Oh, my kids have to pee. Or we just pee in the car.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
We were going to leave. The kids and I were going to leave that morning.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Is that right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
See, so this tells me that London, England, UK, Europe, they have something against people going to the bathroom in public.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
They got a problem with it. I don't know. Not in Amsterdam. In Amsterdam, remember, they're like, oh, you want to pee? Just piss here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Just a concrete thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Because they started doing this, I guess, in the 1500s because there's the first public toilet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
And now they're like, well, you're getting drunk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Me too. So the point is, if you're a tourist that likes to pee, go to Amsterdam.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Is she?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Wait.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Did you need water?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Right, yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Yeah, those gays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
You did it and we both went...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Nienna? I voted Caitlin a sleeper hog.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791
Holy shit.