Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809
Wed, 07 May 2025
Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Try Tastemade+ free for 7 days right now at https://tastemade.com/YMH Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code YMH -- just pay $5 shipping. Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com Hey Jeans! This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina kick things off with some good old fashioned white woman cringe. From Fergie massacring the national anthem to Kim Cattrall scatting, we've got a gauntlet of embarrassing singing in public for you to enjoy. Tom then opens the show with a clip of a wild mattress flip, before the Main Mommies get an update from Tony Johns, whose recent stint behind bars has put his Vegas plans on hold. They then speculate on what King Ass Ripper, the cool guy who got away, has been up to. The two also talk about learning to speak mother tongues, black dudes not being amused by gay stuff, a vision update, buckets of brown, Enny thoughts, plus some horrible or hilarious clips, and a Vietnamese hair salon with a questionable name. Don't forget to check your b holes for sores! Your Mom’s House Ep. 809 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:00 - Fergie's Greatest Hits 00:05:56 - Clip: Kim Cattrall Scatting 00:08:17 - Clip: Big Jessica Simpson Energy 00:09:32 - Opening Clip: Bed Flip 00:14:45 - Tony Johns Is Locked Up 00:22:46 - Mother Tongue 00:31:18 - The Cool Guy Who Got Away 00:42:38 - Black Dudes Don't Like The Gay Stuff 00:45:37 - Vision Update + Tom's Poo Buckets 00:54:05 - Clip: Sores In Ma B Hole 00:54:50 - A New Challenge 00:59:07 - Enny Thoughts 01:03:46 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:06:54 - Vietnamese Hair Salon 01:11:08 - Dates 01:12:51 - Closing Song - "Fart Mic Assassins" by Brothers & Hendawg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What makes white women embarrassing?
Murky.
Wow.
Isn't that something, man? DJ Suede, the remix guy, he's always just putting out bangers. But that one's from a couple years ago, and I've been listening to it on repeat in my car.
I like when she goes... That girl, I tell you, she really, if anything, she's got chutzpah. I don't know if you remember the Good Morning America performance where she did cartwheel after cartwheel after cartwheel. Can you find that real quick, Josh? It was so alarming that it has made a repass on the meme circuit.
Yeah, yeah.
Whoa!
I win. Again, and she goes in for seconds.
If you don't remember, she did the national anthem.
Oh, boy.
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Chapter 2: Why was Tony Johns unable to film his scene?
I'm so embarrassed. But then who is she married to or is she married to? Orlando Bloom. No, that's not. That's Katy Perry. Oh, sorry. That's a different talent. Yeah, that hip. Josh Duhamel. Duhamel. Yeah. Duhamel. Duhamel. So he, at the time, was with her, I guess. It looks like they're not married anymore. And when people were clowning it, he got fucking pissed, right? Sure. As her husband.
Yeah. At the players. Like, he was just like, fuck you, man, to some of these guys. Like, you guys are dickheads. And then this remix came out, okay? The... it's because when was that it's 18 yeah they're they're they split in 19 so the remix came out and then the players the players were uh listening to it um Listening to that mix in the locker room. Post-game.
That's amazing.
Oh, shit.
It's amazing. Oh, it's so fun. And this is how...
By the way, that's how you win any... any like battle like that is like just having a laugh. So they didn't say shit back to him. They're just danced.
They're like, Hey, we didn't make this song. Have you ever seen? And by the way, there's, there's a couple of things that stick out in my memory in life that I play on repeat.
Yeah.
Uh, it's Kim Cottrell. We've played it on this show before and her, she goes, my husband and I like to play the bass and I scat along and it's, it's her rent. Oh my God. Please.
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Chapter 3: What is the story behind King Ass Ripper?
Because here's the deal. Here's the deal. I'm not shedding on them. I can see myself doing it. Can you see yourself? I see myself being like, I could sing with Jewel. Let me try singing with Jewel. And then you slip into her style even though it's not your style and you're trying. Fuck, I'm sweating.
Yeah, it's tough.
Hey, Christina, you want to sing the national anthem? No. Yay, yay, yay. Let's play some basketball. Pot of beret. That's the one that gets me in my sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night going, pot of beret.
You ready?
I'm ready.
Here's your opening clip.
Oh, we didn't even do that? Nope.
Shit.
always wrong. That's the part you like. I know.
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Chapter 4: How do Tom and Christina learn their mother tongues?
The real question is, what did that dumb bitch do to make him so mad?
Oh, fuck.
Your phone was already off.
That is delayed.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, she should have made noise a few seconds earlier.
But first of all, in her defense, men can't find shit.
That's true.
Ever. And she's probably like, dude, come on. How am I going to do this? I'm laying down. You're bothering me. Just like last night I was comfortable. I had the cat on my lap. I had my heating pad on. I can't find the remote.
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Chapter 5: What are the cultural nuances discussed in the podcast?
Right, because he might have to bail out still, right? Yeah.
Well, he did violate a restraining order against his uncle, and then he documented it and showed up with boxing gloves. Not a smart idea.
I mean, the judge is not going to be like, that was a good idea.
Yeah.
You know what also is interesting is to have this perspective. One might actually think it's directly correlated to one's intelligence. You know?
No.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
Well, there's kind of this bell curve for IQ. And it could be that somebody... on either side of this either tells themself, you need to change your perspective, and they're on the right side of the curve, or that some people that are on the left side of that curve just go, this isn't that bad.
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