Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Don't Pull My Tampon String! w/ Jessica Kirson | Your Mom's House Ep. 812
Wed, 28 May
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Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Try Tastemade+ free for 7 days right now at https://tastemade.com/YMH Go to http://helixsleep.com/YMH for 27% Off Sitewide + Free Bedding Bundle (Sheet Set and Mattress Protector) with any Luxe or Elite Mattress Order. Exclusive for listeners of Your Mom's House! This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom Segura and Christina P are joined by comedian Jessica Kirson! Before Jessica enters the Mommy Dome, Tom and Christina kick things off with a woman who really doesn't wan you to pull on her tampon string, before they switch gears to a man who doesn't mind being pulled out of, Norm Summerton. The Main Mommies review some photos and videos from the loser pig's fetish site profile and then check out some less specific gay stuff. They also review an incident between Denzel Washington and a photographer, a pup play enthusiast amongst the crowd at Cannes, and a hilarious story about a dumb broad who was scammed by an AI model of Keanu Reeves Fresh off the release of her latest special on Hulu "I'm The Man", Jessica Kirson steps into the Mommy Dome to get real about trauma and finding the upside in tragic personal conflicts. She also talks to Christina about the stereotype of the female and reacts to the story about the woman scammed by the fake Keanu Reeves. The three also check out some horrible or hilarious clips, some of Christina's legendary TikTok curations, a clip of a really freaky camel, and a fart is captured on camera that has to be heard to believed. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 812 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:42 - Opening Clip: Don't Pull My String 00:07:05 - Norm Summerton Update 00:17:41 - Gay Stuff 00:23:50 - Scammed By Keanu 00:28:02 - Hassling Denzel At Cannes 00:31:55 - Clip: Pup Play At Cannes 00:33:17 - Jessica Kirson Reacts To Robot Keanu 00:40:20 - Comedy Broads 00:47:57 - Dealing With Trauma 00:53:47 - Clip: Youthful Yoni 00:56:50 - Please Like Me 01:04:33 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:08:59 - Clip: Freaky Ahh Camel 01:11:36 - Clip: IShowSpeed In Pain 01:13:52 - A Pish Break & A Fart 01:18:16 - Christina's Curations 01:37:39 - Wrap Up 01:39:11 - Closing Song - "Pigs Balls & Cock" by DJ Tik Tok Tits Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the main topic of this episode?
New Jersey, I'll be bringing my come-together tour to Atlantic City this June for two shows at Hard Rock Live at E-Test Arena on Friday, June 20th and Saturday, June 21st. Get tickets now at tomscrow.com slash tour. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.
Prime Video bringt spannende Unterhaltung. Erlebe Star-Koch Andreas Caminada und seine Freunde in Dinner Club, enthalten in Prime.
Chapter 2: Why shouldn't you pull on someone's tampon string?
Wir machen eine kulinarische Reise.
Erlebe die neue Crime-Serie Mobland mit Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan und Helen Mirren. Jetzt nur auf Paramount+.
Problem gelöst.
Egal worauf du stehst, das alles gibt's hier. Prime Video. Klicke oder tippe auf das Banner, um mehr zu erfahren.
Chapter 3: What happened with Norm Summerton?
Oh mein Gott. Oh mein Gott. Das ist nicht schlecht. Nicht schlecht überhaupt. Nicht schlecht überhaupt. Unglaublich. So ein Klassiker. So ein guter Arbeit. Wir müssen einen Anruf für mehr Songs machen. Ich weiß, es ist schon lange her. Warum machen wir nicht eine Sache, wo wir... Wir können eine Arbeiter-Song machen. Arbeiter. Ich bin ein Arbeiter. Wo wir... Oh mein Gott.
...eine Konferenz haben oder so. Weißt du, was ich meine? Ja. Lass uns ein paar Song-Sendungen hier reinbringen. Und dann machen wir einen Preis für unsere Lieblingssong. Das ist eine tolle Idee, Tom. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? I'm a worker. Let's get some of those music workers out there to start working.
I don't want to let the cat out of the bag here, but I'm just too excited that Tony Johns is getting out of jail today. Wow, you really jumped all over it. I'm just too excited. There's so much going on in the YMH universe right now.
It's a huge day here. It's a huge day. As of this recording, Tony Johns is getting out of jail. It's very exciting to see what jail was like, what he's going to do right now. Will he still work as a worker in scenes? All that is to be determined still.
What I think is most interesting to me is, what will be his first stop? Let's put some money on it. I'm going to go with his local bar, where he knows people.
Ich weiß nicht, ob er in die Bar gehen wird. Ich glaube, er will einen Swig holen, einen orange Swig oder so. Er wird wahrscheinlich seinen Swig holen, vielleicht ein bisschen Beef Jerky oder so. Ich glaube, es ist ein 7-Eleven-Stop, um nach dem Gefängnis-Food und Trinken zu refueln. Das ist wahr, ja. Das ist ein guter Punkt.
Vielleicht gehst du zum Hustler oder so, zum Penthouse. Ein paar, weißt du. Bibliotheken. Bibliotheken, ja, ich liebe die Bibliothek. Ich habe noch größere Nachrichten. Lass mich nur den Eröffnungsklip spielen und dann gehen wir gleich rein.
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Chapter 4: How did someone get scammed by a fake Keanu Reeves?
Oh, oh, oh, ich vergesse nicht, wir haben den Show noch nicht geöffnet.
Ja, wir haben den Show noch nicht geöffnet.
Don't pull on my fucking tampon string. I will punch you so fucking far across this whole goddamn fucking... Yeah, yeah.
Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christine. Piau, piau, piau.
Chapter 5: What went down with Denzel Washington at Cannes?
Don't pull on my fucking tampon string.
Dude, who has not felt that way? Dude, so many dudes want to pull on my fucking tampon string. So many? It's disgusting. Has it always been a thing?
Chapter 6: What is pup play?
Dude, guys love it. No, but I do remember when I was in junior high school. Don't pull on my fucking tampon string. Sie ist cool. Ich mag sie. Ich mag ihre Stimme. Ich mag Smokers Stimme, weißt du? Es ist ein bisschen Mousse-Soup. Es hat ein bisschen Mousse-Soup. Es hat ein bisschen Mousse-Soup-Qualität. Ja. Fucking awesome.
Ich frage mich, was der Hintergrund ist. Ihr macht es gut. Ja. Was denkst du, was ihre Geschichte ist? Ein Typ war mit ihr und sie war so, lasst es rein, Dummy. Jemand hat es klar gemacht. Vielleicht war er einfach so, komm schon, lass mich da rein. Und sie war so, nein, ich bin nicht fucking süß von dieser Scheiße. Don't pull me down. Yeah.
Stop pulling the string, fuckhead. Yeah. Well, this is a big day. We have... God damn, we have such massive... I just have to tell you this way. This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive.
Chapter 7: How does Jessica Kirson deal with trauma?
Real quick, I should also just say thank you to everybody who has watched Bad Thoughts on Netflix. I've gotten thousands of messages and comments from people. Some of you love it, love it. Some of you don't love it. But either way, I gotta tell you, I'm thrilled with it. It's a very...
liberating thing to make something you wanted to make and you can kind of just go like, yeah, I know some people like it. Don't pull my tampon string. I kind of feel like that. I feel like my tampon string is hanging out. I'm just telling you. You're still in the top 10 as of this recording.
You're still on there. It's been a really fun couple weeks for me. So I just want to say thank you to everybody who watched it and sent me messages. Thank you so much. Okay, here is the crazy fucking update. Oh, Scheiße. Wir haben jahrelang gewusst, was für diesen Mann passiert ist.
Das ist Pigg Norman Summerton. Und seine Titten. Er hat in seinen Babys seit sieben Stunden. Sieben Stunden? Guck dir das an. Ja, und dann... Das ist ein langer Zeitraum. Ja, er hat einfach... Imagine a pig with tits. I love that line. It's time to take him off and have a shower. His pig is starting to stink up the high heavens. So let's get these tit cups off. This is not good for your breasts.
Wow. Imagine a pig with tits. That's always stuck with me. And we have asked about him. Einige über die Jahre. Und dann haben wir die Notifikation bekommen, dass jemand ihn gefunden hat. Er ist auf einem Fetisch-Dating-Seite. Sein Profil dort ist Loser Pig. Es sieht aus, als hätte es einen Penis in seinem Mund. Yeah, I'm not used to seeing him like that. I don't like to think of him that way.
Well, that's what the pig is doing there. About, it says pig to host. Pig resides in Northwest near 64th Avenue Center Street. Very specific details. Here you go. Stupid loser pig Norm Somerton lives to serve, worship and obey superior women since the age of 16. Now 75. Wow. Wow.
Wow. Pig exploiting pig and destroying pigs male ego and turning him into a sissy loser pig. Das ist Geld auf dem Tisch.
Für alle Frauen, die das nicht machen. Wir versuchen immer, euch zu ermutigen. Es macht mich verrückt. Wenn ich das machen musste, sagen wir, es ist Covid, ich habe kein Geld, dann würde ich das in einem Minuten machen. Stellt das Ding auf euren Käse und schickt mir Geld. Stellt euren Dick da rein.
Sei ein Paypig. Ich mag es nicht, wenn es dein Großvater ist. 75 Jahre alt. Oh, er hat den vollen Haar hier. Das ist ein neuer Look. Gut gemacht. Norm ist noch dabei. Seine Nase sieht gut aus. Wow. Er hat den großen Loser-Hand-Signal da. Er hat einen Pigsnau. Warte mal. Wir schauen in seine Nase. Geht es in seine Urethra?
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Chapter 8: What are Christina's TikTok curations?
Daddy, can we go visit Grandpa today? There's somebody doing that. Can we stop by Grandpa's house? No. Grandpa's doing his own thing. Yeah, he's kind of busy right now. Homemade tits. I'm sure I say homegrown tits. You know the weirdest thing I have with Norm? Yeah. This to me isn't in the slightest creepy for me. Yeah. I don't get icky feelings.
Is it because he's so open? Like he's such an open book? Maybe it's such a pure desire within him. Yeah.
There's no... I don't feel grossed out by him. Now, however, you know, the guy I do feel grossed out by is like, I'll make you cum. Like that guy who's watching Rachel Maddow in his glasses. That makes me want to vomit. But Norm, I just like, there's something innocent about him. Yeah. Does that make sense? There's something sweet about Norm. Yeah, I understand. There's something sweet about him.
Er hat ein Telefon-Tattoo und ein Bra-Tattoo. Oh, schau, wie glücklich er ist. Er ist so glücklich. Alter, wenn das dein Vater wäre... Oh, verdammt. Oh, ich will das nicht sehen. Ich will das nicht sehen. Jetzt fühle ich mich gruselig. Ich will deinen Vater nicht sehen. Warte, fühlst du dich immer noch so? I do like that he's with a younger guy who shaved. Like, I like that for him.
Wow, come on. Stop it. Stop it. Try it. I feel like I'm gonna die. I don't want this. 9, 18 or 36 times? Are you going to start doing this to me? You're supposed to go. Oh, I suck it in? Stop. Stop, I hate it. You contract vagina. I don't like his sound effects. I got it. Thank you. Stop pulling my tampon. Guys, so far so good. You've really been making me feel good on this.
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Ich bin nicht exagerierend, es ist ein Spielchanger. Ich habe einen tieferen Schlaf, wache viel weniger durch die Nacht. Und was mich verkauft hat, war, dass Helix euch tatsächlich zu der richtigen Klammer für euren Schlafstil passt. Ich schlafe heiß und auf meiner Seite, also haben sie mich mit einem Lux-Modell gepaart, das Kühlungstechniken und legit Pressure-Relief hat.
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