Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Dumbest Shark Tank Pitches w/ Mark Cuban | Your Mom's House Ep. 802
Wed, 19 Mar
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Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour Interested in learning more about Mark Cuban's company? Visit http://CostPlusDrugs.com to find out more! SPONSORS: Check out the full lineup and get 15 percent off your first order at https://TRUEWERK.com/ymh. Go to https://shopify.com/momshouse to upgrade your selling today. Secure your online data TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/ymh Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. This week on Your Mom’s House, Robert Smith and Christina P are joined by billionaire entrepreneur and Shark Tank legend Mark Cuban. Tom and Christina are STILL hyped after YMH Live X and recap more of the insanity from that legendary night. Tom next opens the show with an unhinged clip of an old man who hasn't been laid in 30 years, before he brings up his tradition of texting Joe Rogan horrifying death videos. Other highlights include a Hulk Hogan steamer situation, a bizarre Kanye tattoo on an Asian guy, and a deep dive into Charles Manson documentaries. The one and only Mark Cuban joins the pod, and things get real. Mark opens up about selling the Mavericks, what it’s like to trade a generational talent like Luka Dončić, and why checking his bank account makes everything better. He spills secret rich guy knowledge (like how money makes ugly people attractive), explains why he’s not a yacht guy, and hilariously pitches Tom on buying a private jet. Mark also talks about being a public dad, his love for working, and why he’s obsessed with the future. He breaks down Shark Tank—from the dumbest pitches ever to surprising success stories like Dude Wipes—and how he’s wrong half the time when investing. The conversation gets even wilder as Mark shares thoughts on hunting Somali pirates, his late-night Twitter beefs, AI, NBA rule changes, and why he’s all-in on healthcare reform with http://CostPlusDrugs.com. Don’t miss it, Jeans! Your Mom’s House Ep. 802 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 3/30/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Pick6 not available everywhere, including, but not limited to NY and CA-ONT (for up-to-date list of jurisdictions please visit pick6.draftkings.com/where-is-pick6-available). Sponsored by DK. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:29 - YMH Live X Still Got Us Hyped 00:10:19 - Opening Clip: Hard Time Getting Hard 00:17:15 - Heavy Reactions 00:21:07 - Deep Diving The Opening Clip 00:24:52 - Clip: A Hulk Hogan Steamer 00:28:33 - Christina P Trashes Meghan M 00:42:48 - Clip: Decent Footjob Review 00:44:49 - Clip: Cool Kanye Tattoo 00:45:39 - Charles Manson 00:53:56 - Mark Cuban Talks Mavs & Luka Doncic 01:00:42 - Secret Rich Guy Stuff 01:08:31 - How To Win At The Sport Of Business 01:14:51 - Dumb Shark Tank Pitches 01:22:33 - Putting Your Kids On The Right Path 01:28:22 - Personal Stuff & Somali Pirates 01:34:31 - AI & The Future Of Podcasts 01:43:01 - Changing The Game 01:47:45 - Mark Cuban's Favorite Things 01:55:47 - Closing Song - "Pussy Glassin" by Lady Money Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What are the dumbest Shark Tank pitches?
Chapter 2: What secret rich guy knowledge does Mark Cuban share?
Okay, so then you go, but you knew that I was dating a guy. No, I didn't know right away, obviously. You know, I was trying to like, I was like, she's cute, playing it cool. Yeah. Right? And then... Can I talk to you for a second?
I was like, let me holler at you for a second. And then... Yeah, I just remember – I probably didn't figure – I mean, I can't remember exactly. I didn't find out that night. But it's one of those things where, you know, after we met – Through the grapevine. You kind of either heard it through the grapevine or you go to – I don't know, do spots and you're like, oh, what's going on with her?
And then somebody mentioned. And I always had that thing, too, where it's like somebody seeing someone, you're just like, OK, like, you know. You're done. Yeah, you just accept. So it actually probably made us... more like just coworkers, right? Like, yes. Yeah. It forced you to get to see me as a person, not just blonde hair and tits a little bit.
Right. And I, I always feel like that's so like, I hate honestly seeing women as people because I've never really thought of them that way. Well, they're kind of stupid, right? Yeah. And also it's like, you know, you guys were kind of made for one thing and one thing only. I feel like that, I think it's pretty obvious. Three, three cooking, cleaning, uh,
Those are – I'm not really one of those guys that's like you got to clean for – I don't – I know that. It's nice that you do, but like it's really just be a jizz receptacle. That's your number one priority. I do know this about you. Yeah. Coming and eating are your priorities.
Yeah. And I'll figure out the eating on my own. So the main thing is, you know, what's that tit stitch like and what that mouth do. Right. So – Well, when I met you, I had the best pair of tits. I had such good tits because I wasn't fat. I didn't have kids. They were so good when we met. You got my tits at prime titty time. It's prime time tits for sure.
And then kids, cancer. But guess what? In August, I'm going to have my deep flap. They're going to reconstruct my tits out of my belly fat. I'm going to have a tummy tuck and new tits. You can choose. We can sit down and choose the tits of our dreams. What do you think I'm dreaming about when I go to sleep at night? These new tits? Tits, tits, tits. Stupid. So fucking stupid, huh?
Yeah, you know, oh, I guess I should probably, there's people watching who don't know who are like, what the fuck is going on with this guy's face? They get so upset. They get so upset. They get so bummed out when you're shaved. I know. Like, I was looking at a picture I posted of us on Instagram, and they're just, all the comments are like, Tom's face.
It's offensive. I know. It's honestly offensive to me. Yeah, it's like, come on. It's not that bad. Ha! So what happened was we did a live show, YMH Live 10. At this point, it's two weeks ago. So if you saw last week's show, that was actually before we recorded. So it's been two weeks.
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Chapter 3: How did Mark Cuban feel about trading Luka Doncic?
Chapter 4: What are the craziest moments from YMH Live X?
You always say I look like a hooker, but I didn't really look like a hooker. It's not that you look like one. It's that I thought you were one. Yeah. You had on fishnets, knee-high boots, you were smoking a cigarette, you were kind of like, I've been out here, I've been working, what's going on? Did not say that. Yeah. Okay, so then you go, but you knew that I was dating a guy.
No, I didn't know right away, obviously. You know, I was trying to like, I was like, she's cute, playing it cool. Yeah. Right? And then... Can I talk to you for a second?
I was like, let me holler at you for a second. And then... Yeah, I just remember – I probably didn't figure – I mean, I can't remember exactly. I didn't find out that night. But it's one of those things where, you know, after we met – Through the grapevine. You kind of either heard it through the grapevine or you go to – I don't know, do spots and you're like, oh, what's going on with her?
And then somebody mentioned. And I always had that thing, too, where it's like somebody seeing someone, you're just like, OK, like, you know. You're done. Yeah, you just accept. So it actually probably made us... more like just coworkers, right? Like, yes. Yeah. It forced you to get to see me as a person, not just blonde hair and tits a little bit.
Right. And I, I always feel like that's so like, I hate honestly seeing women as people because I've never really thought of them that way. Well, they're kind of stupid, right? Yeah. And also it's like, you know, you guys were kind of made for one thing and one thing only. I feel like that, I think it's pretty obvious. Three, three cooking, cleaning, uh,
Those are – I'm not really one of those guys that's like you got to clean for – I don't – I know that. It's nice that you do, but like it's really just be a jizz receptacle. That's your number one priority. I do know this about you. Yeah. Coming and eating are your priorities.
Yeah. And I'll figure out the eating on my own. So the main thing is, you know, what's that tit stitch like and what that mouth do. Right. So – Well, when I met you, I had the best pair of tits. I had such good tits because I wasn't fat. I didn't have kids. They were so good when we met. You got my tits at prime titty time. It's prime time tits for sure.
And then kids, cancer. But guess what? In August, I'm going to have my deep flap. They're going to reconstruct my tits out of my belly fat. I'm going to have a tummy tuck and new tits. You can choose. We can sit down and choose the tits of our dreams. What do you think I'm dreaming about when I go to sleep at night? These new tits? Tits, tits, tits. Stupid. So fucking stupid, huh?
Yeah, you know, oh, I guess I should probably, there's people watching who don't know who are like, what the fuck is going on with this guy's face? They get so upset. They get so upset. They get so bummed out when you're shaved.
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Chapter 5: How does Mark Cuban view the future of healthcare?
Chapter 6: What are the most memorable moments from the latest live show?
Yeah, you know, oh, I guess I should probably, there's people watching who don't know who are like, what the fuck is going on with this guy's face? They get so upset. They get so upset.
Chapter 7: How does AI influence the podcast industry?
They get so bummed out when you're shaved. I know. Like, I was looking at a picture I posted of us on Instagram, and they're just, all the comments are like, Tom's face.
It's offensive. I know. It's honestly offensive to me. Yeah, it's like, come on. It's not that bad. Ha! So what happened was we did a live show, YMH Live 10. At this point, it's two weeks ago. So if you saw last week's show, that was actually before we recorded. So it's been two weeks.
It was, and I don't think I'm exaggerating, not only the most fun for us, but I think clearly the best live show we've ever done. Hands down the best. It was fucking awesome. Everything went so perfectly. The comedy, the sketches were bangers. Dan Soder, perfect guest. The best.
Couldn't have been better. You, by the way, were the bell of the bowl. Yes. We all know Tom was Robert Smith of The Cure, and I could not take my eyes off of you. If you're not aware of what happened, if you're like, what is this? It's that I committed to the idea of being your fantasy on the live show, who is Robert Smith of The Cure. God, you looked so good. I couldn't stop staring at him.
Look how happy I am. I loved it. You know what the best part is? We were getting ready for the show, and you were talking to the team, and I was like, oh my God. Robert Smith's here. Like, I loved it. He looked so good. Look how bummed out you are, too. It's so good. I was trying to be his, you know, depressed, regular kind of guy.
Oh my God, Robert Smith, are you so happy to be inducted in the Hall of Fame? Not as excited as you, apparently. He said later that he felt bad about that. Did he? Yeah, he said that he didn't realize he was being video recorded. So he was just kind of like, he felt bad that it was seen as really shitty to her. Yeah. Yeah, he felt bad.
Yeah, I think he's a decent dude. I've never heard anything bad about Robert Smith. Yeah. Never. He just likes being a musician. They have a good band. I don't know anything about him. I do. I know a lot. He's been married to the same woman, Mary Poole, since they were like 20-something years old. Mm-hmm.
They live in Sussex or he's from Sussex. Oh, there we are. Tommy Scissorhands. Look at me. I love it. Yeah. Well, we'll get into all this. It really was the, it was the best dude. Um, we've done 10 YMH lives, which is also a huge accomplishment. Yeah. You know, it really is.
Um, but it'd been a while and really wanted to do another one because it's just so much fun to, This one had everything out of 10. I think for me, primarily the thing that makes you go, this was so great, is that the pre-recorded bits were such bangers. Charo with Alexis Fox on introducing the OnlyFans was amazing. Charo had no idea that the things that were there were the things that they were.
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Chapter 8: What are the implications of Charles Manson's story?
It was a touching tribute to my father. Yep. And then... Daniel Pineda. Daniel Pineda. Daniel Pineda was in that. Ryan Sickler was in that. There she is. There she is. Gosh, she's so thoroughly talented.
It's upsetting. When you make, so I've made multiple shorts. When you get real actors, like serious actors in something, it actually makes you realize like, oh, this is why in features, like when you go like, why are movie stars like paid? They elevate the thing so much. Like our silly little idea just takes on a whole new thing when you have a really good actor in it.
Well, she's got to say some absurd lines and deliver them sincerely. It's very hard. So it's a fine line she has to walk to make it believable and funny and everything. No, she can do it all. She's amazing. She has a big movie coming out, I think, next month or this month.
Yeah. yeah it was just bangers dude the accountant too yeah she's gonna be in the accountant too just bangers this this ymh like you and i were were buzzing for days after we recorded ymh live yeah i couldn't sleep that night i was so jazzed about how it all went yeah it was oh my god his soda was like perfect will blunderfield did his thing duncan trussell our own tanner and that's so good yeah
there's duncan and tanner pissing together in a cup god yeah the will blunderfield thing was amazing everything um oh there we are watching the heavy not really watching that yeah dan was dan it got to him he was like i'm fine this is good and then he was like oh god We'll get to that. We'll get to those in a second. Why don't we open the show, and then we'll get to our favorite clips from that.
So much to talk about. Okay. Here you go.
We were in bed, and I guess you know, I'll just be honest with you, I buried my face in her vagina. Okay. She didn't shave, and that's what I wanted, and I basically... sucked this woman's pussy for an hour and a half. An hour and a half. Okay. And I loved every fucking minute of it. Yeah. I mean, just, I didn't let nothing go. Yeah. Of course, she did the same to me.
And, of course, I had a hard time getting horrid. Who is Randy?
Don't bring anyone mother to me.
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