Jefferson Fisher
Appearances
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
I want you to imagine you're about to walk into somebody's office and there's gonna be that hard conversation in the room. And let's just say it's a topic of something that is, it's bad news. Put your mind wherever it is. And you walk in and somebody goes, so how are you? How are you lately? You've been good? Pickleball games, all right. Well, that's good. Well, your family's good?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Well, listen, hey, I have something that we've been talking about, and listen, I know it's not that big of a deal, and I want you to understand.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Exactly.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Because of that fear of the unknown, Mel, versus, let's say, the different scenario. Okay. You come in, say, thank you for meeting with me. Mel, I have bad news. You deliver that bad news. Versus, this isn't going to be a fun conversation. You say that. This isn't gonna be fun for us to talk about. This isn't my favorite conversation I have. You prepare them for it.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Often you're afraid to disappoint people. And what that really is, is you don't believe that they have enough emotional resiliency to handle it. So you need to baby them, to tiptoe into the water instead of dipping right in. And people will admire you more. They will see you as somebody with more respect and more confidence every time when you say what you wanna say fully.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
When somebody is belittling you or giving you an insult, that hurtful comment, you make them say it again. Because what they're hoping to do in that belittling comment is get that reaction out of you. And instead, you find a way to take all the fun out of it. So when you ask them to repeat what they said, You're not giving them that hit of dopamine that they're expecting from your reaction.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
They're not getting that response time from you. Instead, you're delaying that gratification for them. Then it's just not worth it. Then it's just not fun. And so when you ask them to repeat it, to say, I need you to say that again.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Sure.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Like you just said right there, you're still single.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Yeah. So exactly. I'm not going to want to say that again because now that spotlight is on me. And then also what you lead up with that is you ask questions of intent. For example, did you say that to hurt me? And now it's this mirror that they feel like, why did I say that? Oh, okay. And then they start to backtrack. Then you don't have to say anything.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
So if somebody says to you, oh, so you're still single? I need you to say that again. most likely they're not going to say that again. But if they do, then you can even repeat what they said. I'm still single. That's what you asked me? And all of a sudden they realize this isn't fun. They're not going to ask that kind of thing again. Wow.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Or you just ask that question of, did you say that to embarrass me? Did you say that to offend me? Oh, no, no, no, no. I didn't say that. What I meant was, and all of a sudden they're backing away because they know you're going to stand your ground.