To wrap up 2024, I’ve pulled together my top 3 podcast episodes of the year—all in one place. You’ll get tools to handle rude comments, navigate belittling remarks, and stay calm when someone isn’t being honest. No matter what comes your way in 2025, these tips will help you stay confident and in control. Like what you hear? Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a 5-star review! Pre-order my new book, The Next Conversation, today! Suggest a topic or ask a question for me to answer on the show! Want a FREE communication tip each week? Click here to join my newsletter. Watch my podcast on YouTube Follow me on Instagram Follow me on LinkedIn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What were the highlights of 2024?
Everybody coming at you from beautiful Colorado on vacation with the family. I have to say that 2024 has been absolutely wild. We started this podcast, which tried to number one for three entire weeks. I finished my book, which releases in a few months. And I got to speak at NASA and tons of other cities I've never been before. All I can say is a huge congratulations.
Thank you to every one of you who supported me and followed me along the way. In a wrap up 2024, I put together your top three most listened to episodes of season one of the Jefferson Fisher podcast. I'm eternally grateful for you and I'll be having a wonderful end to the year. Today, we're talking about how to respond to rude comments.
Those moments you're caught off guard by something that wasn't nice. Do you say something? Do you not say something? What do you say? All that and more coming right up. The next time someone makes a rude comment towards you, here's what I want you to do. Number one, begin your response with the phrase, did you mean? It's a question of intent. We're going to go into detail on that. Did you mean?
Number two, if it's a more passive aggressive type of rude comment. In other words, it's not directly at you. It's more off to the side. And you know and they know it was meant for you. We're going to have questions that check them. These are questions like, did I offend you in some way? Or are you doing all right? It sounds like you're having a hard day.
There are ways that you can check them without coming across like you're also wanting to be rude. And number three, my personal favorite response to a rude comment is,
is nothing at all you respond with absolute silence but there's a technique and a trick on how to do it correctly and here's the thing about rude comments they're tests there are ways for the other person to test and assess what your temperature is can they get a reaction out of you or not. So I want you to pretend it's like a card game. You have a set of cards, they have a set of cards.
When they first make that rude comment, they're playing a two. You have a choice, do I play this game or do I not? Maybe you decide that you want to. You're gonna lay a four. Or they're gonna lay another rude comment and then they play a seven. And you go, okay, how far do I push this? How far do we go in these rude comments between one another?
And that's a bad game to play because nobody wins, right? Everybody's going to lose in that game. One of you is going to have to apologize, and it's typically the person who plays the last card. Whoever says the worst thing that shuts the game down is typically the person who is now the responsibility to apologize first. when you can end it all by just not playing the game.
Rude comments are like platforms to where if they say something rude and you say something rude, well, you've now just justified them in taking another step. You've now justified and convinced them that you are every bit... of the comment that they just made. Because now, instead of being curious about it and saying, hey, where's this coming from?
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Chapter 2: How can I respond to rude comments?
Easy way to check that is for you to text, did you mean for that to be short? Did you mean for that to sound like you're upset? often they'll clarify that and say, no, no, no, no, I was just in the middle of something or I was during an errand, I was making a cup of coffee and I just wanted to let you know that I got the text.
So often you can have this sense of giving grace to other people by just simply asking the question and setting up the phrase, did you mean? It can really put out arguments before they even start. And I also want you to dial in on passive-aggressive comments that are rude.
Passive-aggressive comments, as you know, they're not direct, meaning they don't feel comfortable in their personality to say things to your face. Instead, they will say them in a way that's kind of snarky and snide, off to the side, because they don't feel comfortable saying them directly to face-to-face. So here's what I mean.
Let's assume you're in a conversation with someone, and they make this comment. I mean, it'd be nice, you know, if somebody cared. And you both know it's aimed towards you, but instead they couched it in terms of it'd be nice if somebody cared.
How you deal with that is you pull them out of their current environment, meaning you have to make them step back in the conversation, understanding what they just said. So if they were to make that comment, it would be nice if somebody cared. You respond with a question that checks them like this. It sounds like there's more to that. It sounds like there's more to that.
In that moment, you're pulling them out and they go, oh wait, what did I just say? And you're calling them to the mat in a way that says, what exactly are you trying to say? Do you understand what you just said? It sounds like there's more to what you're telling me. In other words, I'm catching this passive aggressive behavior and I'm not just going to let it fly by.
Another way to ask is, it sounds like you're having a hard day or it sounds like we need to have another discussion or we need to talk a little bit more. Using these phrases like, it sounds like, it seems like, and throwing things out there in a way that encourages them to talk more is going to get you a whole lot farther than just saying, oh, you're talking about me? You wish I cared?
Let me tell you about, that's going to just make it even worse. So instead, you're going to catch them with questions that say, it sounds like or it seems like. Okay, now my favorite. Number three is to respond with silence. But there is a trick, a technique that I like to do, and that is to count. You don't have to count, but it needs to last four seconds.
Four seconds is enough to be defined as a long pause, meaning if somebody were to make a rude comment towards you, you're going to look at them for four seconds. One, two, three, four. enough to give a look of almost puzzlement, as if you find it curious. And what you're doing in those four seconds is you're saying, I heard it, I listened to it,
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Chapter 3: What are effective techniques for handling passive-aggressive remarks?
When you ask those questions, what it does is instead of the spotlight being on you and your behavior and how you're going to respond to that belittling comment, it goes back to them. Now the spotlight flips. It flips, and they have to ask themselves these questions like a mirror. Why did I say that? Why did I do that?
They're forced to now answer the intent behind, the purpose behind their hurtful words. And so often when that happens, the other person will apologize or rephrase or say, I didn't mean it that way, or they'll move on. The biggest key to this is you're not going anywhere. You are showing that you're standing your ground. You're not saying anything rude.
You're not putting your integrity on the line. You're just asking them to see themselves by just saying, why did you do this? Did you intend to hurt me? Did you intend for that to upset me? Because what you're telling them is whatever you meant to do, it's not having that effect. Whatever you meant for that to be, you're not getting it. And they'll backtrack from it.
Number three, if by chance they respond and say, yeah, I didn't mean to hurt you. Yeah, yeah, I didn't mean for that to embarrass you. Understand that's not somebody you want to be around, right? That's not somebody you want in your life. But the best thing that you can do often in those situations is say nothing.
Now, I don't mean that to say I'm not equipping you with any tools and just be a wallflower or somebody just to be laid over. No, I'm saying is often silence when you just look at them. It says, I don't have to respond to anything that you said. It's not having that effect. And then their words ring hollow because there's just nothing for their words to stick onto. It's just nothing but an echo.
And that's how you're going to have something to where you're going to be more powerful every single time. So let's run through a quick example. All right. Let's assume maybe you're at work in a team meeting or something. And you make a suggestion and somebody makes a belittling comment. They say, nobody asked you or nobody cares. Have you heard that before?
Or somebody says, did I ask or nobody cares? Nobody asked you. When you hear that, let's go. Number one, make them say it again. That means you're going to ask, can you repeat that? Or say that again for me. Say that again for me. They're going to say, nobody asked you. If they actually have the guts to repeat it. Number two, going to go to a question of intent.
Like, do you say that to make me feel less? Do you say that to make me feel small? Did you intend for that to embarrass me? Did you intend to dismiss my ideas? Do you say that to dismiss my ideas? You see how you're taking what you perceive their action to be doing and you reflect it back on them like a mirror. Did you intend for that to hurt my feelings?
When you say that, they then have the spotlight all on them. They have the floor to either correct the issue, accept the issue and apologize, or double down on it. And whatever they say, now if they apologize, it's up to you if you want to accept that apology, if it's a genuine apology. But if they double down on it, then don't feel the need to
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