The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
Mel Robbins: How to Handle Difficult People with the Let Them Theory
Tue, 04 Mar 2025
Ever find yourself stuck in your own head, overthinking a conversation, or worrying about how someone will react? This episode is for you. Today I sit down with the legendary Mel Robbins – NYT #1 bestselling author, speaker, and the force behind The Let Them Theory. She breaks down the power of self-communication, why the way you talk to yourself shapes your confidence, and how to stop wasting energy on things you can’t control. Dive deeper into The Let Them Theory, and buy the book today at https://www.melrobbins.com/letthemtheory This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. Upgrade Your Every Day. Get 40% off at cozyearth.com/jefferson or use code JEFFERSON at check out. Relationships come with questions, therapy comes with answers. Find them with my sponsor BetterHelp. Click https://betterhelp.com/jeffersonfisher for a discount on your first month of therapy. Like what you hear? Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a 5-star review! Order my new book, The Next Conversation, today! Suggest a topic or ask a question for me to answer on the show! Want a FREE communication tip each week? Click here to join my newsletter. Join My School of Communication Watch my podcast on YouTube Follow me on Instagram Follow me on TikTok Follow me on LinkedIn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the introduction to the podcast and its goals?
Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything. If you enjoy learning tools to improve your communication, I'm going to ask you to follow this podcast, and if you would, leave a review, give it a star, a like, anything helps, and it matters a whole lot to me because I look at it all.
Also, I want to let you know that my new book titled The Next Conversation is officially out on pre-order. It is a book that's going to give you everything you need, the power to change everything in your life simply by what you say next.
On top of that, if you're looking for ways to further and practice your communication skills, I'm going to encourage you to join the Jefferson Fisher School of Communication. It's an online membership and it is popping.
right now y'all a lot of exciting things going on there wonderful things and i'm really excited about it you can find all the links down there in the show notes and i hope you enjoy this episode have you ever found yourself struggling to let go whether it's what somebody thinks about you how they treat you or what they say to you or maybe it's the choices and actions in their own life
Well, today I've brought you somebody who needs no introduction. She is a mother of three amazing humans, a wife to a husband, Chris, for almost 30 years, and an attorney whose experience is in criminal defense up in New York City.
the one the only mel robbins mel thank you so much for hopping on today jefferson has anyone ever told you you're a great communicator as you're sitting there going have you ever tried to like i'm like oh this is going to be good i wonder who he's having on this would be great yeah no seriously i'm eager to listen yeah me too
Really excited about it. Mel, as you know, and we've had the chance to establish a great friendship, which I'm so grateful for, is that the people that are listening right now care very much about how they communicate. And the question I first want to ask you is, how important is self-communication? What does Mel Robbins mean? say to herself, how does Mel Robbins talk to herself?
That's a fantastic question. No, I'm serious. Because how you talk to yourself matters. And I'm 56 years old right now. And how I spoke to myself, my self-talk, was very different for the first 52 years of my life from how it is now.
And I heard somebody, there's an incredible woman who I'm sure you know, and if as you're listening to us, you don't recognize this name, that's okay, I'm gonna tell you what she shared with me. Her name is Dr. Julie Smith. And she said recently to me, she said, now Mel, I want you to imagine, the experience of what it would be like to be locked in a room with your childhood bully for a year.
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Chapter 2: How important is self-communication according to Mel Robbins?
I am reminding you of what you know to be true. I am not the first person, in fact, ever since we announced this book, people have come out of the woodworks, be like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. T.D. Jakes did a sermon 20 years ago, let them go. The serenity prayer is the let them theory. Buddhism, radical acceptance, stoicism, The peaceful like protest. This is all about controlling your response.
If you've read Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, the entire book is about the power of attitude and how the things out there. you can't control, but they don't have to impact what you're thinking about in here. These are powerful concepts that have been woven through spiritual teachings, philosophy, therapeutic modalities since the beginning of time.
I have just taken all of that and turned it into a simple tool that you activate with two words, let them and let me. And, you know, for me in my family, my mom is literally like, I've lived like this my entire life. In fact, she had a pillow that said, pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. That's let me. That's let me and my mother.
And so the reason why I also believe that this has exploded is because you are being reminded of what you already know to be true. You are also being handed a tool. And this is happening at a moment in history. that feels at unprecedented levels like everything is out of control. And the headlines are overwhelming. People's stress levels are overwhelming.
Everybody has somebody in their family who is profoundly struggling. People are worried about the economy. They're worried about their kids. They're worried about the future. And it doesn't matter where you live or who you are. People are worried about AI. All of this feels like it is out of control. And this is ultimately a book about control.
And how when you try to control things that you can't control, like other people's opinions or their moods or their attitudes or how fast they drive or slow they drive or whether or not they ride the bumper, it just creates stress for you.
As somebody who gives advice on a lot of different formats on how to connect with people and how to handle conflict, often some of the most important conversations are self-communication, what you say to yourself. That's why therapy is something that you need to be doing. I go to therapy. There's nothing wrong with it. It's getting conversations out of your head and just talking about it.
It's more helpful than you think. A sponsor of this podcast, BetterHelp, is an online platform that helps connect you to a licensed therapist just for that purpose. And it's real easy. All you do is just fill out a survey, and they connect you with a therapist that's right for you. And if it's not a good match, no problem. They'll, at no cost, fix you up with another one.
And it's very important to get these conversations out of your head. Relationships come with questions. Therapy comes with answers. You can go to BetterHelp.com slash Jefferson Fisher for a discount on your first month of therapy. I highly recommend it.
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