Gabriel Mizrahi
Appearances
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Nice.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, most people are grateful for the help and they're like, man, help me take this across the finish line for sure. And by the way, everything you just said, I don't think that's just politicking. This person said that she likes and respects her bosses, which is awesome.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
So this is really actually just communicating that appreciation, that respect before she delivers the harder news so that they feel that she sees all of them. You guys have done a great job and there's something to work on. It's not just here are your mistakes. We need to fix them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Dear Jordan and Gabe, this is a long one, so I'll just cut to the chase. I'm 24, I live in Michigan, and I want my grandma's house. During the holidays, she very subtly expressed that she thinks she may not have another Christmas. We've all been quietly anticipating this for years. Her 80th birthday was just a couple weeks ago.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
This is the first time she's recognized her own mortality, at least to her family. We joke that she acts like she's 20 and still in college. Her house needs some updates, but it's been in the family for decades, and there's a family cemetery on the land. The house is old enough that it can be entered into a register of historical buildings which would prevent changes to the exterior.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
My grandma hasn't entered it yet, but she might. We don't know. She doesn't talk about it. I would prefer she doesn't, as renovations might become more difficult. Clearly, the house should stay in the family. I truly think that I would be a good fit to inherit it as I have the time, energy, and resources to restore it and be a good steward of the family legacy.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I'm the only grandchild who's still in the area and hasn't bought a house of their own yet. Some grandmas lose their filter as they age and will happily have a chat about any topic in the world. That's not my grandma. She's very old-fashioned and generally likes to keep her personal affairs private. She doesn't like to have big conversations, at least not with her grandchildren.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Nobody in my family knows what she plans to do with a house in her will. She might leave it to my aunt or one of my uncles. They would probably support me in taking ownership as they're well-established in their own homes and don't want the responsibility of repairing the old house. But I'd probably have to buy it from them, reducing my resources for renovations.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
There might also be disagreement among the aunts and uncles as to what should be done with it if it isn't explicitly in the will. The last thing I want to do is cause a rift in my family because of this property. If I can talk to my grandma, bring up how I want to stay in the area and how I can care for the house, I do think she'll agree to leave it to me.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Getting that conversation started is my hurdle. How do I bring this up with my grandma? If I can confirm with her that she will leave the house to me, what's the best way for me to go about inheriting it? Should I ask her to put it in a trust? Should I consult with a financial advisor, lawyer, or another professional? Signed, Angling for this gift, so I can give our family house a facelift.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
It's very messy. And I think he's underestimating how much people are going to have an interest in how the assets get divided.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
His stance on this is that they're not going to care. They're already established, which might be true. But also I could see that not being true. I think everybody probably wants a piece of the assets, right?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Speaking of shady backroom ways of dealing with things, I'm just marveling at how much this family struggles to talk about really important stuff.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
good point she doesn't talk about her mortality she doesn't talk about her plans she doesn't like to have big conversations she hasn't even told anyone if she's entered the house in the historical registry which is like not a controversial thing to share so there are some very important things happening here some important practical matters that impact the entire family that are just not really being properly addressed now our friend here is thinking of doing something similar by trying to talk to his grandma directly instead of starting a conversation with the whole family i just find that
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I don't know. It's interesting.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Hey, Jordan and Gabe. My oldest sister is married and has three kids. She and her husband have been together for over a decade. He's been the brother we never had and an integral part of the family. But my oldest niece, his 15-year-old daughter, doesn't really get along with him. Her parents have been arguing a lot for a while, and she says her dad speaks poorly of her mom.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Then, this morning, she told me that she was using his old iPhone, which my niece calls the trap phone, because she uses it without her parents' knowledge when she gets her phone taken away.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
It has no SIM card, but is linked to her dad's Apple ID. On the phone, my niece noticed that her dad downloaded Tinder and similar apps in March 2024 and then again recently. She sent me screenshots of everything and it checks out.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
And what if she did ever follow through on this plan? He said he loves his stepdaughter like she's his own. I imagine that would be devastating. You know, how do you feel if you cause your stepchild's parent to hurt themselves or something like that? So I understand the predicament he's in. This is really tough.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
No, you're right. And if you say that to a partner and you don't go, huh, I wonder why I would want to take my own life if we ever broke up. I need to go work on that. I need to figure that out. Maybe that's part of the problem in our marriage. And the fact that she's kind of laying that at his feet and then not doing anything, she might be talking about this in therapy.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
And that's a big question mark for me. What kind of work they're doing there to your point? Yeah, just to lay that at your partner's feet without making it part of your self-work is dicey.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Interesting observation. It is curious. I think we would need to know a lot more about her. But what I'm hearing in that detail is someone who might struggle to acknowledge failure or even weakness, who might experience that as like a near fatal blow.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Right.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I don't know. Look, her personality might be more headstrong than resilient. Good distinction. Those are two different things, right? Doubling down and insisting that something will work or not being willing to admit that something's not quite working. That's not always strong, right? That's inflexible. And that's often actually a form of weakness.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
But being willing to admit, okay, something isn't working here. We either need to make some changes or we need to close the business and try something new. That actually requires greater strength. It requires a willingness to bear the wound of struggling, of potentially failing. You got to be durable. You have to have a capacity for that discomfort.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
And also the ability to separate your professional accomplishments from your basic sense of worthiness, which I also wonder if she struggles with, which maybe that was also in the mix. So I'm connecting a few dots here.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
We don't know her again, but if any of that is true, then I could see those qualities playing out in other areas of her life, in her marriage, in her mental health, again, in her basic willingness to stay alive if she ever goes through a big loss.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
My recommendation of the week is a little different this week. It's not a product. It's not a service. It's just a thing you can do. It's an experience. And that experience is telling people you don't know personally how they have impacted you. So I'm always really touched when people write me on Instagram or in the Feedback Friday inbox and they're like, hey, I listen to the show.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I've listened for this long. It means so much to me. I learned this thing. Even two sentences like
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
really touches me and i think a lot of people assume that the people they appreciate or follow or admire or whatever whether it's an author or a speaker or somebody important in their industry whatever it is that those people are just too important or too fancy or too busy to read an email from a stranger
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
But I can tell you, and I'm sure Jordan would agree, when you put something out into the world, it means so much more than most people imagine to hear how it lands with people, you know, what it means to them, what they do with it. And you'd be surprised by how often these folks do read these messages and they do respond. Doesn't happen every time.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Not a liability for her. Definitely a liability for him.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
You won't have a hundred percent response rate, but it is absolutely worth it. So if there's a stranger who has impacted your life, my recommendation is take a couple minutes, hunt down their email address, find their Instagram handle, their LinkedIn, whatever it is, get in touch and send them a brief note, just telling them what they mean to you. You can keep it brief.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
It does not need to take you more than five or 10 minutes at the most. Just send it. And I kind of do this fairly regularly with people just because I know how much it means, especially anyone who creates something and puts it out into the world. It's always a rewarding experience. It requires so little effort. And yes, it can lead to cool outcomes.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
You might strike up a relationship that grows into an interesting opportunity down the line or whatever, but that's not the point. The point is sharing your love and appreciation without any specific expectation. And I'm just a really big fan of doing this. It's made me feel more connected, more grateful, even when I don't hear back from the person.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
She knows how to use the trap phone. He does not.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
A few months ago, I went to a play here in LA that was so good. And the lead actor was insane, like so stunning. I followed his work for years. I'm a big fan, not even super famous, but just like a master at what he did. And I had one of the best nights of theater I've ever had. And when I got home, I wrote his agent an email and I was like, if you could pass this along, it would mean a lot to me.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
And she said she would. And I never heard back, but I hope he read that email and it just made me feel good to tell him how much the play meant to me. It really does make the world feel smaller, more intimate, and it makes me appreciate it even more when people do it for me. So I say give it a go and see what happens. I think it's a nice little practice to build into your life.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
She also saw that her dad has been watching a lot of porn.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I just want to share that with you guys. And I think maybe give it a go and see what happens and see how it makes you feel and see what happens to how you consume things and what your relationships are like, because I find it to be very impactful.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
He had things favorited and even searched how to delete it. Well, there's your answer. Oh, boy. Finding out your dad watches porn on his phone and knowing which things he favorited is something no child should ever know about.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Dear Jordan and Gabe, My girlfriend listened to your show for years. We met in 2020 during COVID and throughout our relationship she always sent me links to episodes. I never opened any of them. I thought your podcasts were boring as hell. Then again, I thought all podcasts were boring. Fast forward to October 2022.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I was 30 pounds overweight, drank half a bottle of whiskey at night, binge smoked, ate like shit, and had stopped working out. I was also $125,000 in debt from dumb choices. Meanwhile, my girlfriend, who's an amazing person, was the opposite. She watched what she ate, worked out five times a week, and was always working to better herself and those around her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I wasn't always like this, but somewhere along the line, I lost myself. I'd also never shown her affection or talk like we used to. She deserved better. Eventually, she told me that she wanted to break up because we didn't share the same values. One of the last things she said to me was that I never took an interest in the podcasts that she loved.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
And she mentioned only one, the Jordan Harbinger Show. That shocked me. I thought it was such a dumb reason to break up with someone.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Don't even look over. Don't even do it. Just get out. Yeah. So he goes on. A few days later, I was sitting in my truck thinking, damn, she's right. I've been wasting not only my life, but hers, too. Wow. I don't know what moved me to do it, but I opened our texts and found one of the links to your show. I listened and was like, eh, not bad. I love that. Ringing endorsement. Yeah.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Would you mind leaving that as a review for us? Five stars. Eh, not bad. He goes on, I started going down the rabbit hole of self-development shows and learned so much about health, fitness, empathy, affection, how you need to constantly work in a relationship. Things I never learned growing up. For example, I would always want to argue and gaslight my ex. I didn't even know what gaslighting was.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Right? Oof. You don't want to have access to that part of your parents' lives. Interesting theory. Who knows, though, I guess. My niece and I agree that my sister should know about the cheating. I hate that she's involved, but that ship has sailed. But she's afraid that her dad will hit her or her mom. I've never known him to be physical, and I'd like to think he wouldn't dare.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Then I started listening to your show and I was like, damn, am I a narcissist?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
In short, I kicked my vices, lost a ton of weight, and started the business I always said I would. I'm now about $20,000 away from being debt-free.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Damn, that takes hard work and talent, I imagine.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, truly. I've been working hard to confront my trauma, like the gaslighting I learned from my mom, who learned it from her mom. I confronted the little boy who grew up never seeing his dad show affection to his mom. I've rediscovered my love for health, fitness, and travel.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I was fortunate enough to go to Bali and Japan for a whole month, and the entire time I practiced gratitude for what I had, what I have, and what will come. And I'm still traveling a lot. Last year, I traveled across Mexico, and I'm planning a China trip at the end of the year. Trauma creates change.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Losing the person I loved the most in this world destroyed me, but it opened my eyes. My best friend recently asked me if I could go back and make sure this never happened to me, would I? In the moment, I would have said, of course. Now, I wouldn't. I needed to experience losing someone I loved in order to change. It wouldn't have happened any other way.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Yep, life really do be like that sometimes. I'm so thankful for her strength. If she never made the hard decision to leave me, I would still be where I was. And if she never mentioned you, I wouldn't have found the information to help me change. I wouldn't consider your show a self-development show, but you randomly gave me a second chance at life, and I'm never going back.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I still think about my ex all the time, and I hope she's happy and thriving. I recently found out she has an amazing boyfriend now, and I couldn't be happier for her. I now have an amazing girlfriend and we have a dog. I talked to her about the story and my ex told her how much I learned the hard way. She's remarked on how different I am from her ex-boyfriends.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I've also introduced podcasts to her. Funny how that works.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I'm all for it. No Gary Vaynerchuk for your girlfriend, please. No shade to Gary. I just came up earlier. That's why. I wanted to share all this because I hope that someone listening to this can take a look at themselves and learn from my mistakes. I used to live my life like I had unlimited time, but the truth is, we don't. Every day and moment is running out.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Sorry for being so corny, but being aware of that is a gift. Mahalo, Jordan and Gabe, for ruining my last relationship. Just kidding. For saving my life. And a new question has come out of all of this. I've helped a few of my friends change their direction and worldview, and I feel a strong passion around that. How can I reach out to more men, young and old, to help them?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Signed, a guy who lost it all, decided to finally tune into you know-it-alls, realized he had stalled, made a major overhaul, broke through a wall, and experienced a psycho-spiritual windfall.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
But if he does, it's not as simple as calling the cops. He would be deported, and I'm sure my sister wouldn't want that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
yeah i agree the best version of helping other people is putting yourself out there and sharing your story and just looking for ways to be helpful to them as they navigate their own journeys so yeah i like that reddit idea jordan and if people comment on that reddit post and they're like hey i have these questions and you know you have thoughts about that that would be a really great invitation for you to offer some wisdom and maybe strike up a correspondence
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Or if people read your blog post and they ask to chat with you and you're open to that, I say go for it. Amazing. But yeah, I wouldn't necessarily go out recruiting people to help because that's when this can get a little, I don't know, a little life coachy, a little like, I know I've been there and now you need to listen to some things, which, yeah, not the vibe.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Seriously, I can't believe I'm the one saying that while we're sitting here.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Jordan's just happy you did that because it really helps his numbers, just to be clear.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Should my niece tell her mom the news? Do I tell my sister with my niece? If I do, I fear my sister would be even more uncomfortable. What should we do? Signed, charting this map alone after my brother-in-law's rep was blown by this incriminating trap phone.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I have a close friend who, when she was a teenager, she found out that her father was having an affair, and she and her brother had to break the news to their mother, and the parents ended up divorcing, and it was a very painful time for all of them. It's still very painful, actually, for the whole family.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
He left them for another woman, a younger woman, and they got together, and then that relationship was kind of messy, and then that fell apart, and it was just really bad. I think this is going to be traumatic for your niece no matter what, but I'm with Jordan. There are ways to make it less traumatic for her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
And the main one is telling your sister yourself and sparing your niece that conversation.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Dear Jordan and Gabe, two years ago, in my early 60s, I quit my teaching job at a private high school and became an adjunct professor at a large community college teaching English and English as a second language. I absolutely love this work, despite the huge pay cut, and I've been trying to learn and do as much as I possibly can to make up for lost time.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I've taken tons of online training and professional development classes, including course design. I've made an effort to meet people in person and create connections within my department. I co-facilitated a recent training on inclusion, and I've joined several committees and even designed a newsletter for one of them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
My goal is to get hired as a full-time professor before I'm too old to think straight.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
What do you mean the microwave? Do you just open it and put the food inside?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
You need a voice activated AI kitchen appliance. That's what you need.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, you would be significantly less sad as a human being. Here's my dilemma. I'm currently teaching a class that is prepackaged, which means somebody in the department designed the curriculum and lessons. While the content itself is fine, I've had to do major overhauls of the course materials so that the students could make sense of the class.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I can't tell you how many times I've opened an attachment for one of these courses and found badly formatted, confusing, or even unreadable documents. There are almost never examples given of what to do, so I often provide them myself. The directions are vague, wordy, and have no links to the materials needed to complete them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
I often see students coming in frustrated out of their minds because they don't understand what they're supposed to do. This is unacceptable to me. My students deserve better. Students at community colleges are already at a much higher risk of dropping out than students at four-year institutions.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
If they saw how much care has been put into course design, they would be much more inclined to engage with the material and learn something. I like and respect my bosses, all of whom either helped design or approved these courses. I'm torn between my ambition and my genuine love and concern for the quality of the education we're giving this vulnerable population.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
How can I tell my bosses that we aren't serving our students well by giving them material like this and that I have folders full of edited materials that would make things so much better? How can I bring this up without jeopardizing my chances of going full time? Signed, listening to my idealistic notions without messing up my promotion. P.S.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1133: Should Mum Be the Word When Dad's a Cheating Turd? | Feedback Friday
Also, if you can work the phrase hundo P into a sentence on the podcast sometime soon, I would be eternally grateful. I almost peed myself laughing the last time you said it. And then I tried it out on my adult kids and the death glares they gave me made me laugh even harder. Oh, so you, uh, you hundo peed your pants. Is that what happened?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I agree with that, but that's so intense to hear from a cop. Yeah, you should have taken one of them out.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
That's not how we do things. Wow, that's so crazy. I'm so sorry this happened to you, man. What the hell? This is so intense.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah. So it's really you guys are very lucky. Very. But it's still very upsetting to have this happen to you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And our mucus plug has definitely passed on that one.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Because I was about to say, are you sure they were police?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Okay? First of all, what is this architectural digest tour that is now unfolding? Can you look for the guy, please?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Cut to you in the hot tub with all these cops. Yes, all the cops. Reviewing not just the security footage from a couple hours before, but like for the last several weeks.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I mean, that would explain why they arrived in four minutes.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
It would explain the response time. It would explain the reflective shoes. These people don't have to worry about getting caught.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
AG1 for the whole department.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
New living wills and trusts for everybody in the department, top to bottom.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Hello, Jordan and Gabe. I'm a traveling nurse, and up until six months ago, I was friends with a physician who knowingly started a two-and-a-half-year affair with with a seriously mentally ill, drug-addicted patient of hers. My friend said that, at first, the taboo and secrecy of the affair were exhilarating, although she knew it was wrong. But the relationship quickly devolved into abuse.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
My friend said she felt compelled to stay for as long as she did out of fear of escalating physical violence and the patient's constant threats to tell her employer and family about the relationship. Ugh. Oof. She ended up quitting the job where she met this client due to unsavory rumors before she could be terminated, then abruptly pivoted to another position.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
By this point, did you see anybody? I'm confused.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Four months later, her affair partner ended up spilling everything during an unfortunate psych hospitalization. When the secret came out, she was fired by her new employer, which then filed a report with the medical board for an ethics violation.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
The medical board conducted an investigation and published the findings on the state's website. But my friend hired a very expensive employment attorney to represent her, and in my opinion, the worst of the lurid details and the overall degree of harm were severely underrepresented. Her license is now suspended, and last I heard, she's trying to get it reinstated. Oh, jeez. Yeah.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And I'm upset by the thought that she felt trapped by a scary, abusive person for so long. But I'm also really disturbed and can't get over what I see as my friend's brazen willingness to overlook her professional ethics and take advantage of a vulnerable, unstable person to meet her own selfish needs.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Framed like that, I do kind of blame her for what happened during the affair, but only in the very beginning, when she had more power in the relationship and chose to open that door. She says that I'm being an unsupportive friend for taking that moralistic stance, which unfairly flattens her experience of the fear and abuse, and that that makes me not only a bad person,
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
but also an unprofessional practitioner engaging in a disgusting amount of victim blaming. Okay. But this whole situation has made me question whether that's fair. I don't want to be seen as an unapproachable friend for fear of judgment, and I'm having a tough time parsing my emotions. Am I being unfair and overly rigid in my judgment of my friend here?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Signed, am I a clear thinker or am I just pointing a finger?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Which part, the word itself, or it applied to two bros doing a podcast?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I think he voluntarily gave up his license to avoid a full investigation. That was episode 931, by the way. And then we aired the update to that story on episode 961. Fascinating story. Some parallels there.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah. And the fact that she's responding to that by saying you're being an unsupportive friend, you're being moralistic, you're what was it? Flattening my experience of the fear, the abuse. You're a bad person. It's nuts.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
If that's actually what she said, what I'm hearing is a person who is just deflecting. I mean, there's a lot of projection happening.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Obviously, this brings up some very big questions about her mental state, to your point. I mean, this old friend of hers is either a bit unstable or not fully in touch with reality, or she is so ashamed of what she did that she feels she has no choice but to project all of that shame and hurt and fear onto our friend here, right? Because it's just too uncomfortable.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I agree. My only caveat is we don't know exactly how you articulated all of this to your friend. I mean, if you said to her everything you shared with us, then I am 100% with Jordan. You're saying and doing all the right things. You're on solid ground. If you jumped maybe a little too quickly to pointing out her many mistakes or which, by the way, not totally out of line on your part.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I'm just saying if you did do that a little quickly or if you didn't communicate your empathy as clearly as you did in your letter. or you made this conversation primarily about the ethics thing and she felt misunderstood or overly judged or whatever, then I might, might understand part of her reaction.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I don't get the sense that that's what happened.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I just have to be even so I can understand what you're saying.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
What I'm wondering is, does her reaction to our friend here also speak to her personality? I think the answer is almost certainly yes. Yeah. Does it explain some of her questionable decision-making when it came to engaging with a patient?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that's an interesting subplot. I mean, that guy is putting up with a lot. I'm just picturing this woman three years ago trying to decide whether to get involved with this guy. And if she's a person who...
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
struggles to control her impulses, who's not very self-aware, who clearly can't bear other people's appropriate judgment of her, who can't confront aspects of herself that are concerning, all of which showed up in these conversations with our friend here. I could also see that person throwing caution to the wind and sleeping with a patient she knows is bad news.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Well, let's also remember that one thing she was getting out of it was a thrill. She said that at first the taboo and secrecy of the affair were exhilarating, although she knew it was wrong.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
That's one way to put it. The other way to put it is that we're hearing about a person who's thinking sounds very black or white. You know, she probably struggles to hold multiple feelings, straddle multiple perspectives. So it sounds like from this doctor friend's point of view, she's either a totally blameless victim or she's a reckless, predatory monster.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And her friend, the woman writing in, is either a loyal, compassionate champion or she's this judgmental, moralizing enemy. The reality is that both are true to some degree. I don't think our friend here writing in is the enemy, but the doctor friend could try to have a foot in both of those realities.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I'm not sure which one of those is more sort of graphic and disgusting, but... I mean, it passes every week, really. That's right. Usually around, I would say, Thursday midday.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I mean, yeah, but this is the challenging thing about personalities like this. It can be a little bit disturbing to confront that there are some people who really can't do that. I do think the shame is a big part of this. I would not be surprised if this woman struggles to bear that particular feeling, probably a lot of difficult feelings.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I also think that holding multiple feelings and multiple truths at the same time can be very distressing. For some personalities more than others, it can be hard to just bear the tension of that. But also black or white thinking, that's also an example of what's called splitting.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
So splitting is a really interesting defense mechanism and people tend to engage in it when they need to cope again with painful or overwhelming feelings because splitting simplifies the world. It takes a complicated situation or an ambiguous situation like this one And it turns them into categories that are more easily understood.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
So when someone engages in splitting, people become all good or all bad, right? Like totally loving or totally judgmental and situations become, you know, totally supportive or completely unfair. There's very little, if any gray area.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Wow. Good point. Yeah. Yeah.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
You know what I really like about this letter? It raises an interesting question, which is, what do we owe our friends when they make a really big mistake? That's a big one, because, yeah, well, it depends, obviously. It does depend. Every situation is unique, of course, and I think everyone's values are different.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
You know, different people have different thresholds for what they're willing to put up with from their friends. But generally speaking, I think people deserve precisely what our friend here offered this woman. Empathy, curiosity, understanding, nuance. And also the willingness to say, yo, these are values that I actually believe in. These are the standards that we all need to hold ourselves to.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I hold the rest of my friends to the same bar. I personally don't find that judgmental. I find that appropriately discerning, you know, like having some basic strong values around behavior. That's empowering, actually, because what she's saying is, hey, at the end of the day, we're still responsible for ourselves here, especially when you're the doctor.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Dear Jordan and Gabe, both my parents immigrated to the U.S., spoke some English, and were very religious. They had six children, and I am the oldest. I played a key part in raising my brothers and sisters and also protecting them, as my parents were physically and emotionally abusive. Many years later, my parents acknowledged that they were limited parents.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
but they still pick favorites among their children. You guessed it right. I'm the responsible one, but not their favorite. Do you think this person means that they said that, or is that just like in the air?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Like they just get the sense that that's what it is.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I mean, that's like a blatant example. I mean, that's hard enough, but when that happens and you were the one who was tasked with raising the rest of them because they were abusive, that's really painful. I've worked through these issues over time and have managed to create a peaceful and happy life for myself and my husband. That is fantastic. I love that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
On the rare occasion that I visit my family, they're kind to my husband, say hello, and even call or text him. Recently, I gave my sister a gift at her birthday, and she texted my husband thank you. He walks in the warm sunshine of my family, while I'm still stuck in the arctic chill. We generally have a strong marriage, but this really hurts. I've explained to him how it makes me feel,
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
and that my expectation is that he draw boundaries by reflecting to my family members that if they want to say something to me, they shouldn't communicate through him. My husband also comes from a broken home and will not visit his family without me. He likes having me there because he says they treat him better when I'm around.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
His family knows that I support my husband 100% and don't say anything bad about him to me because they know that I back him. Yet my family treats my husband very well and me poorly. My husband has seen how they treat me and acknowledges that it's wrong, but he doesn't stand up for me either. How do I deal with this no-win situation?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Signed, feeling screwed and looking for a way through, this Kobayashi Maru. Koba what? Yeah, I hadn't heard of this either. The listener came up with this one. So the Kobayashi Maru, I guess it's a training exercise in Star Trek. I did not know about this. Okay. Apparently it's some kind of no-win scenario that's designed to test a cadet's character and skills.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Sounds like something you'd order at the sushi restaurant.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah. Sounds pricey.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And then there's the Kobayashi Maru.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And then parentified from a young age, which always does a number on a kid.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I mean, clearly they can't really try. It must be painful for them. Maybe it's impossible to just even go near that topic. You know, brings up a lot, I would imagine.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I was wondering the same, but I assume she would have told us if there was some glaring reason that her family is nicer to her husband. It just sounds like... They're just nicer to him. They're not as kind to her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Or your siblings might be working through their own complicated feelings about you based on this childhood, which affected everybody.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Even the siblings who are your parents' favorites, I mean, being treated as exceptional, as more loved or more approved of than another sibling, that's also damaging. You know, whether they recognize that as a wound or feel it's a point of pride, I imagine that that's also informing how they treat her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I do too. And I'm not totally sure that it's fair to hold it against your husband. You want him to pull back. You want him to say, hey, if you want to say something to your sister, don't text me. Make it a group chat. Pick up the phone. And I get it. Maybe that would be a nice thing for him to do.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Maybe hearing that would make your siblings realize that they're not being the most thoughtful to you. And if your husband wants to play that role, it's an option. And it might be an interesting approach. He can also do that in a slightly less confrontational way than what you're imagining. He could say, hey guys, you know, just so you know, Mary is actually the one who chose that gift for you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
She put some thought into it. I'm sure it would mean a lot if you texted her thank you directly, you know, something like that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Even if nothing changed, that would still be good for you and your husband to know. But look, I'm sure that part of what hurts here is that this dynamic they have with your husband, it's kind of recreating the whole wound from your parents, isn't it? They're choosing someone close to you over you, in a way.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And it feels like no one is really standing up for you, which is precisely what you must have felt growing up. You were the responsible one. You were the one making sure everybody else was safe, that everybody else was well cared for. And based on what you've shared, it sounds like no one was really doing the same for you. So of course this hurts, extra hard.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And of course you want your husband to stand up for you, I get it. I also think it's important to see that this anger and the sadness that you feel which, by the way, totally appropriate and important, but they might not be feelings you can reasonably ask your husband to fix on his own. Because first of all, I'm not convinced that he can, although it might be worth giving it a shot.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Second, even if he does succeed, that's not going to change the past. Healing that pain is something that only you can ultimately do. And you would still be interacting with a family that, whether they intend to or not, seems to cause you a lot of pain. Your parents anyway, sometimes your siblings, since they seem pretty unlikely to change at this point.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I guess what I'm inviting her to do is to be more curious about what she's actually bringing to her husband when she asks him to do this. What are her expectations around this request? Because given who her parents are and how they treated her and the role that she played in this family, I think what she's asking her husband here is more than just, Hey, can you be on my team? Can you help me out?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I have to imagine that there's a wish buried in that request, kind of a longing, a very profound longing to not feel alone, to not feel undefended, to not be abandoned again. And again, that is so fair. But as a starting point, it might be helpful for her to fully appreciate what she is actually asking her husband to do, what she's saying to him.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
and why it hurts her so much when he doesn't stand up to them, which, whether that's his job to do or not, is ultimately not his fault.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, exactly. And if she sees that, it won't fix everything overnight, but it might help her feel a little less pain around it or give her a better sense of where to direct that pain. And at that point, I hope that she would be in a better position to decide what to do about this anger, about the sadness, because...
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
You know, maybe she decides that she does need her husband to help her with her siblings. But if nothing changes, maybe it won't hurt as much because she'll now have better expectations. She'll know what she's invested in this outcome. Or maybe she decides, you know what, I'm going to text my siblings myself. I was kind of outsourcing that to my husband. Now I see why.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
But let me give this a go, you know, and maybe she texts them like, hey, guys, it's really sweet that you text Dan. I love that you guys have a relationship with him. But if you ever want to say something to me, just text me or text us both. You know, it would mean a lot to me and it would really help us stay close. Nice. I like that. Or who knows?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
She might decide to take this anger and sadness to her parents. You know, hey, mom. Hey, dad. I know this is tough to talk about, but there's some stuff about my childhood that I'd like to share with you. Or there are some things you guys do today that still kind of hurt my feelings. And I'd like to work on it if you're open to that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, like maybe they can, maybe they can't. But in a way, that's not really the point. The point is, how can she be fully in touch with this wound? How can she have a better handle on her expectations for how it gets resolved?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And in a world where her family doesn't treat her any better, can she learn to hold this anger and the sadness and the grief on her own and find her own ways of working through it? That's what her letter is really about, I think.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Dear Jordan and Gabe, I've worked at my current company for almost 15 years. Our brand is currently number one in our industry. It was privately owned when I started and has since gone public during my time here. Recently, the CEO of our parent company announced that our headquarters will be moving from our current blue-collar city to a much larger metropolis.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Associates are being given the choice to opt in or out for the move. If we opt in, we receive some pay increase and assistance with moving expenses. If we opt out, we receive a six-month severance, but only if we stay until a certain date, which is still being determined. The best estimate for the big move is around two years.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I have a wife and kids and am well settled in my current location, so I have no interest in moving. I haven't received my pay package yet, but from what I've heard from those who have... It doesn't even cover the cost of living difference.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Now I'm stuck deciding between jumping ship now and missing out on my severance or sticking it out till the end and entering an unknown job market years from now. If I leave now, I leave a significant amount of money on the table. But if I stay, I worry what work life will turn into as associates begin to leave and remaining associates become less engaged.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Also, our executives estimate that only 10 to 20% of associates will make the move. I fear that it will be far less. Hearing that and knowing they're okay losing 80% of the company that helped us reach number one in our industry really hurts. What advice do you have? Any Dark Jordan suggestions? How do I stay motivated if I do stay?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Signed, in a bad mood about this headquarter move, should I stay and get paid or avoid getting played?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, good point. I totally agree with that. Also, I find it really interesting that he has such an emotional connection to this place. You know, he's loyal and he's passionate. And I find that really sweet. I mean, that says a lot about him. He sounds like a really solid employee, but his company is also making a big decision here.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
They're trying to move the whole company to another city from this blue collar town where he lives to this big like they're moving them to New York City or something. They're apparently willing to lose like 80% of their staff along the way.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I mean, that did occur to me. It makes me wonder if this might just be an easy way for them to clean house without having to fire 80 to 90% of their staff, or at least to find out who's, you know, quote unquote, serious enough to stick with them. But either way, it's a brutal decision.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
So I know this hurts and that's part of what he's wrestling with and how is he going to stay motivated when his colleagues start to leave and all of that. But given what his parent company is doing here, I do think it's worth asking if this emotional investment in this place still makes sense. I get why he feels that way because he worked there for 15 years and he helped get them to number one.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
So his investment is beautiful and is logical. But this might be one of those tea leaves that you just mentioned, Jordan. Time to notice when your attachment to this place is not always being reciprocated or reflected by your employer. And maybe that'll also make it easier for you to know when to leave, when to make this decision.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Or they're positioning the company for private equity and they're just trying to slash costs. Could be. Right. Yeah.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
My recommendation of the week is a docu-series called Balin Out Loud. Jordan, have you heard about this show?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
You got, you're like a security talk.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah. Also very useful. So Balan out loud is this reality show about a young woman named Balan Dupree who became famous on tech talk because she has a very severe case of Tourette's syndrome.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And specifically, she has this, I guess it's a type of Tourette syndrome or it's a type of tick called coprolalia, which is basically a disorder that's characterized by involuntary repetitive movements and the tendency to use obscene, inappropriate, offensive language.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And she would post videos of herself doing really normal things like baking or cooking or hanging out with her family or friends or whatever. And then she just yells out the most, I gotta say, the funniest and most offensive tics you can imagine. And the thing about her, I mean, I don't know much about her personally. I'm starting to get a little bit of a sense from the show.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
But she has a really good sense of humor about it. And I think she knows and everybody around her knows that the tics that she picks up, the things she screams out, the gestures she makes are objectively hilarious. but they're also really deeply debilitating and they're preventing her from living what we consider like a normal life. Like she can't live on her own.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
She could hurt herself in the kitchen. She can't easily go out in public. When she does go out in public, it often she creates a scene and people stare or they get offended or whatever. But the way her TikTok and Instagram accounts just really capture like the duality of her disorder is fascinating. It's like, she's kind of celebrating how absurd and funny her ticks are.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And she's also shining a light on how serious this syndrome is. So there's a new docu series on TLC, which you can find streaming on max that follows her all around. And I got to say, I'm not really a reality TV guy. No, I am riveted by this show. And it really shows you parts of her life that her Instagram account, her tech talk account do not really get into.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Those are great too, but this gets into her personal life and what she's trying to do and her struggles to individuate from her family and settle into an adult relationship, get a career, get a job when she really can't control a lot of what she does and says. It has really opened my eyes to what it means to live with a disability in addition to being objectively entertaining.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
And I got to say, Jordan, there's this one moment in the show. She's at a particularly difficult moment, I think. And she says, I don't know what to make of this. Why was I born with this syndrome? Why am I this way? And she says something so heartbreaking. She says something to the effect of, I love God. Why did God make me this way? I know there must be a reason.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Like I have something to offer the world. I have a meaningful life to live, but it's so hard for me to do that with this disorder. And she's like, the show is basically watching her figure out what that purpose is and how she can be a full human being when she lives with this thing. It is fascinating.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
She does it constantly, but dude, the tics are so much more absurd and so much more specific than what you just said.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
You have to watch it. It's so...
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I mean, that's one of the most interesting parts of the show. She has a boyfriend and they're in love and he's like very understanding, but there are unique challenges in their relationship when they go out in public. It's really something. I think you guys are going to like it. We'll link to it in the show notes.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
All right, what's next? So our last letter today is an update from the guy who was essentially reverse catfishing his catfisher. That was episode 1093. Yeah, insane story.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah. Catfished by someone in his own family who might or might not have been vaguely flirty with him when they were in person together. Unclear.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Except the kicker was that he has like a real crush on this guy.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Right. And what are you getting out of this? What is this role play slash reverse catfishing situation allowing you to explore that might be worth confronting? That was the real question. Yeah. It's so bizarre. Really one for the books here. So the letter goes, Hi, Jordan and Gabe. I listened to your advice a few weeks back to keep it cool with my catfisher and thought it made perfect sense.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
But then I wondered how much better it would feel to be held in those strong arms and thought, damn it, I need to give this a go.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
So I asked myself the same thing, but I've corresponded with him a bunch and it seems to check out. But yeah, I mean, obviously he knows that we're kind of hoping he keeps this up so we can hear what happens. So there's that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
But I had to be careful, so I decided to wait and see what his next move was before taking action. Strangely, the catfisher went quiet over Christmas, so I decided to wait till our family's big New Year party we do every year. My plan was to make sure I was next to him at the countdown to midnight, then swoop in for a hug and a kiss to see what the reaction was.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
If he wasn't happy, it could be laughed off as a New Year's thing. But if he was comfortable, it could give me a sign.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
It sounds like the reverse. Oh, man. All right. So the plan was planted juicy one on him during old long sign. Okay. Yeah, that's one. That's one way to do it. So he goes on. The New Year party was underway. And after an hour or so, my wife's cousin appeared on her own without her boyfriend.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
She got teary and admitted to the girlfriends that she had split up with him just before Christmas because she kept catching him messaging people and he wouldn't hand over his phone. Looking over his shoulder, she spotted his ex-girlfriend's picture, so she assumed he was intimately messaging his ex, got furious, and threw him out of the flat.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Unclear. Yeah. But he said messaging people. So it sounds like there are others.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah. So he goes on then trying to find out more. She went to confront the ex-girlfriend.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
This must be so weird for every other week. Another person from this family is like, Hey, what's going on with you in the photos? She must be so sick of this. At that point, her ex told her what none of us had thought to ask, what he was doing with the ex's photos in the first place when they were together a couple of years ago.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
She said she was suspicious when he was online a lot and had some unexplained absences. Then she saw that he had gone into her phone and sent himself pics from her collection. She confronted him and he admitted using her pictures to message guys because he was quote-unquote verifying their fidelity. and said he was being a bit of a vigilante. That's why he usually picked people he knew.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
He was trying to weed out rogues and do a service to women. But she thought it was weird and had enough drama, so she ended it.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, neither do I. Also, he has way too much time on his hands.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
First of all, I do that very rarely. All right. Second, the first hot yoga class that day that I told you about was way too easy. So I didn't get my usual fix. Okay. And three, I, I, yeah, I might have a little too much time on my hands some days.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I don't know what to say, but at least I'm working out. Yes. I'm getting something done. I'm not sexting them. The men in my family. It's so insane. I'm not sexting the men in my family to see if I can take them down.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, but like you said, there's clearly something else going on. I feel like he's getting something else out of this. I mean, at a minimum, it must be that he feels powerful or something.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
So he goes on. It wasn't clear whether his absences in that past relationship were meetings with people he catfished or something else. Just imagine what this guy's double life is like. Like, what else is he doing? So strange. When I heard all of this after the party, I felt a thrill.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
It sounded like there was some potential there, but there's also a risk of my details being found on his phone in the future if things ever blew up. However, if anyone ever did find it, they would assume that I was the victim, as I never called out the catfishing, so it would look like I was just a dumb guy being flattered by a good-looking woman giving a boost to my masculine credentials.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Now that he's been ostracized by the ladies, I reached out to him as myself, offering sympathy and a ketchup drink.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
The potential hit to my reputation for acting on this has been removed. The catfisher is away from the nosy cousin, so rumors are less likely. My information on his phone wouldn't look dodgy. and I have a chance to get closer to him because he's pushed others away, so there's genuine sympathy.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I'm not great at reading signals, so this could be risky, but worth a go, as otherwise I'll regret doing nothing. Okay, I mean, you might also regret doing something. But he's only replied to say thanks, and he's thinking about it. I'm wondering if the cool response is a bad sign, or maybe he's feeling guilty about the situation? Unnecessarily, of course.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I don't want to seem desperate, so I think I'll wait to see him again in person before following up on all this. Even if our relationship doesn't go beyond a stronger friendship and remains at hugs, that's better than nothing. I still get to feel those arms around me. I think this is a pretty great outcome. What do you think? P.S.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Have you thought about doing an episode on people who need to live double lives? Whether for political, religious, or social reasons, the effort, stress, and trouble is something most people don't even know exists, but has real impacts. Clearly.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah, we get it, man. Signed, still entangled with this catfish and working up to my true wish.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I mean, this letter is objectively entertaining, but I don't know, man, it makes me kind of sad.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Totally agree. Also, one of the interesting details he included in this new letter is that he's not great at reading signals. So he might not be reading this situation clearly at all. He might not be properly assessing the risk here. He might not be sizing this guy up correctly. That actually worries me.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
So their plan, just to be clear, they either thought no one was home and they could just do a quick burglary or they were planning on what holding you guys hostage while they did it. Like, what's the deal?
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I mean, that gives me some comfort that they're not super... professional or good at this, but my God, that's so disturbing.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
So has it been hard to stay in the house since then?
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
You don't live in a purgy neighborhood. No. Is this stuff happening more in your area?
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I was about to say, your neighbors must be taking notes on the security stuff that you're looking into.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Yeah. And how are the kids since this happened? Do they understand what happened?
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
People should break in more often.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
I'm sorry. I thought for a second, you're like, I really wish I smoked a fat dude before this happened.
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Speaking of which, you had yourself a night the other night. You want to tell us what happened over there?
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1121: Ethics Expire with Doctor's Desire | Feedback Friday
Um, um, I've just been looking at too much Reddit. That's where my eyes are.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Yeah, so the question is, Delulu in service of what? You know, what function is this fantasy slash grandiosity serving? Because I'm with you. It might be a powerful way for her to maybe compensate for the childhood she had, to sustain ego strength, to enjoy a life she'll probably never get to live, if only in her mind.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I don't know, but I'm really enjoying this stand-up rant.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
But it might also be a little worrisome if she's not fully in contact with reality.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Oh, yeah, of course. You know, you need those tickets, right?
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Five stars.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Which is why I really feel for him. It's a hard conversation to be in.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Oh man, I'm going to be saying that in yoga later. I already know it. I'm just going to start cracking up in a pose. Warrior three. Is that a real pose? That doesn't sound real. That's a real pose. Where three how many warriors are there? How high does it go? I think it's three or four Maybe maybe there's a fourth, but you never do it. You never do it.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I'm gonna take you back to class I'm gonna get a colula with my de lula.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
So it might be helpful to consider what supporting your wife actually means to you, or what you want it to mean. What kind of support do you want to offer? Does it mean validating her fantasies and potentially feeding a delusion and potentially helping keep her stuck in this fantasy world? Or... Could it look like saying something along the lines of, honey, I love that you have these big dreams.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I know how much they mean to you. I want to help you go after whatever excites you. But I also know that if you really want these things, you're going to have to pick one or two of them and you're going to have to start chipping away at them or they're just going to be ideas in your head. That's true for me. That's true for you. It's true for anyone.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
And what I'm seeing is that it's hard for you to translate your dreams into action and not just focus on the destination. So when you're ready, I'm here to help you do that. And I will be your champion. And if these are just fun fantasies, that's OK, too.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
But maybe you can help me understand if these dreams are things you actually want to pursue, because that would help me know how to show up for you.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
And the subtext is, I need you to step into a shared reality so I can best support you.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
So he does need to navigate these conversations carefully, with a lot of patience, a lot of love, a lot of understanding, because this subject is obviously loaded for her. She might hear this as, I don't believe in you, or these just aren't realistic options for you, which is not necessarily what he would be saying, but that might be very painful for her, given her life experience.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
not his fault, just painful.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I'm also still thinking about this potentially grandiose quality because wherever there's grandiosity, there's very tender territory underneath. The grandiosity might be part of a kind of narcissism that I imagine developed in order to survive this very painful childhood and
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
maintain self-esteem into adulthood, it might also be a defense against having to be in a real relationship with her goals by actually taking steps to achieve them. And as we all know, when you do that, you have to be willing to feel all of the feelings that come with actually confronting the things you want to achieve and how hard that is and all of that, which can be very wounding.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
And I do strongly suspect that's playing a role here. Or who knows, man, the grandiosity might even be a symptom of a mood disorder or something like that. He said she's depressed. He didn't say she's bipolar, but grandiosity can be a symptom of mania. And even if she's not bipolar, it does sound like there is kind of like a generically manic quality to some of these aspirations of hers.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
So by having this chat with her, you're wading into potentially tricky waters. It can be a little bit alarming, a little destabilizing, sometimes angering to a grandiose person to be told, especially by their partner, hey, you need to come back to earth here because I don't know what to make of this. To you, that's just common sense. It's a step toward actually achieving her goals, which it is.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
But to her, it might be like ripping away a very precious protection. And it might bring up some anger, some shame, some sadness for her. So all that to say, I would move slowly and keep validating your wife's potential. her right to dream, which she does have a right to do. Tell her that you're still on her team, but be prepared for any number of responses and then hang in there with her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
This will be a process for the two of you. It might be a little bumpy, but my feeling is this is probably a crucial conversation for you to have.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
But it is informed by her disability, and that's what makes it extra complicated.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
okay what's next hey jordan and gabe my fiance and i are getting married in a few months she's 27 and i'm 30 and we're super excited to start building a life together we're both first generation immigrants both sets of parents were born and raised in northern india and in many indian cultures a wedding means everything i really never heard that weird this is news to us usually a pretty modest affair at the indian wedding no pretty low-key
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Close friends and family, in and out, no big fuss. Definitely no grooms riding in on wildlife, elephants or whatever, for five days of festivities or anything like that. So he goes on, I've always seen Indian weddings as a wonderful opportunity for people to get together and share happiness, tradition, culture, and love. But my thoughts have changed drastically.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Our parents have turned what was supposed to be a joyous occasion into a question of optics. Guest list count, making sure people we haven't seen in years are invited, what will so-and-so think if we do an outdoor versus an indoor event, the list goes on. We always wanted to have a smaller, intimate wedding and reception, not the usual week-long 500-person ordeal.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Fortunately, most of that has calmed down now. We've come to an agreement on most things, and our parents are starting to support us in ways that we can appreciate.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
yeah okay so that's not the conundrum that's not the problem but isn't every single wedding a question of optics basically this is not just you my friend but continue but now there's a new problem my 26 year old first cousin bringing her 32 year old boyfriend of two years to the wedding her parents and our grandparents have always disapproved of their relationship because he's not of the same ethnic background
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Dating a white guy, got it. They've also made comments about his education and future plans, or lack thereof. Dating a white guy with no job, okay. Unfortunately, the rest of the family has been resistant to meet him. In my view, it's up to my cousin to determine who's best for her, and I'll support her if he makes her happy. So I made the decision to extend an invite to her boyfriend.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
This has caused a lot of drama. My grandparents are calling me asking me why I invited him. Her dad reached out and we had a civil but long conversation as well. They don't want him to come and want me to influence my cousin. They're being manipulative, saying that if he comes, they'll be mad the whole time. That it'll be awkward. They don't want to be seated next to them. Stuff like that.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
They even alluded to leaving early. But my cousin says she wouldn't be comfortable going to the wedding without him. So this is just turning into a real mess.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Okay. I don't want to be involved with this at all. Don't blame ya. I've started to distance myself from the situation and set boundaries. Bravo. But we're having some anxiety thinking about what will happen at the wedding.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I would hate for my side of the family to cause a stink and put a dark cloud over the whole event, and my fiancé would be disappointed for anyone to leave early to avoid the situation. What should we do? How can we mentally prepare for this? Should we speak to everyone prior to the event and remind them how we just want everyone to be happy, supportive, and enjoy the occasion?
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
How can we turn a blind eye if we notice any drama during the event? Signed, trying to be a good son and not shun my family for burdening us a ton when they're ruining our fun over this hard one plus one.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Along with the wife from the previous question. They're both enrolling in Harvard this fall. Done.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Totally agree. I also think this might be a really important decision for them to make together to communicate to the family. They come from a family, to your point a moment ago, and a culture that can be a little intense. Everyone's up in everyone's business, optics are clearly very important, families want to have a say in whom people date and whom they bring to family events.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Let's not forget that the whole preamble to this letter was that his parents turned this joyful process into a nightmare by pushing him to have the wedding that they wanted. So his family is putting their interests above his in a number of ways. So by taking a stand on your cousin and her boyfriend, you will also be setting a precedent for how these big decisions are going to go in the future.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
You're basically saying, look guys, we're happy to hear you out. We acknowledge your opinion. It's fair, but we're not going to fold or bend over backwards to accommodate you. We're adults.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Isn't it crazy? That place is a profit machine. Yeah. Capitalism extravaganza. Everywhere you turn, there's another way for them to extract money from you. You have to kind of marvel at it, but it's disturbing.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
We're totally chill. Yeah, you got to pick your partner. We get to pick every other aspect of your life.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I've hid my porn consumption from her for pretty much the entirety of the marriage and lied about it constantly. Then, five months ago, she found out that I had been lying and living a double life and legally separated from me. She moved out of the house and while she was gone, I changed. I stopped watching porn and started working on a way out of this addiction.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Three months later, she decided to move back in because she liked the trajectory I was on. She had one condition, that I never lie to her again. We then realized I was in a lot of debt because of my business, and I said that I would get a job.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I guess that's possible. I don't know if I totally buy that, though.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Okay, it's probably not that you realized you were in a lot of debt. You were in a lot of debt and it sounds like you didn't tell her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
And or self-deception, for sure. We then realized I was in a lot of debt because of my business, and I said that I would get a job. The interview process for the job I wanted is still taking a while, so in the meantime, I just decided to keep the business going. Since the beginning of this year, about two months ago, I've acted out six times. But I never lied about it. I told her about each time.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Acted out, I assume he means watched porn.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I hope he would have just told us if that were the case. But yes, it does sound like porn is the issue here because he kept it a secret in the past. So he goes on. We had a huge fight about the last time. We were sleeping in separate rooms and not talking to each other. Then I came home after two days of that and she was gone. She said that she's moving to California with her brother indefinitely.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
But she doesn't want to file for divorce. She wants me to. But I don't want to file either. I've made it clear that I'm sorry and that I want to change, but she's not having any of it. I still love her, and I don't think I'll ever find anyone else like her. But I don't know if I'm doing her a disservice by not divorcing her. Should I try to get her back? Or should I just give up?
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Signed, debating whether to give chase after continuing to face that tricky place in cyberspace.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Wow, I have never heard that before. What a Midwest thing that I just completely missed out on.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
A date with Miss Michigan.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
And if you're using like a fleshlight, is it a date with Miss California? It depends on the shape of the fleshlight. They only come in one shape, dude. What are you talking about? Yeah, I don't know. That's true. Is that what California looks like? I don't know. There's probably... I was trying to think of a state, but that seems like the most obvious one for that. Yeah, I don't know. Bahrain?
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Like a date with a pocket rocket. It's like Miss Yemen.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
That's wild.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Totally. And I wonder if that's one more form of self-deception, a way to avoid the real issue here. He's fixating on his wife, but completely ignoring these issues that are largely his to sort out.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Okay, what's next? Hey, Gordon and Jabe. I'm an esthetician in my early 20s, and I work at a small family-owned spa. The past year has been rough. Basically, we offer a luxury service, and with the economy the way it is, it's one of the first things people cut out of their budget. When I bought my first home in 2022, I was doing well.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I was putting money into savings and working on my little fixer-upper. Fast forward to 2024, and I've been making less and less as a commission-based employee. $20,000 less, to be exact. On top of the state of the economy, the way the beauty industry is evolving has hurt professionals and small businesses. And I don't know where to go from here.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
One of the best ways for us to gain clientele is through social media. These days, it's hard to gain any visibility online without being a full-time content creator on top of my daytime job. Of course, there are some wonderful professionals and great resources out there, but even they have become overshadowed.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
An easier, cheaper service or one you can do at home is much more appealing to potential clients. I could go on about the unrealistic expectations clients have based on what they see online, but you get the idea. Self-promotion has become an increasingly time-consuming headache with very little payoff, and I've basically given up.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I'm also concerned about the rise of unlicensed hustlers on social media. In response, our state licensing board has been discussing limiting our scope of practice more and more. This has created job insecurity and led to spa closures as practitioners have been pushed towards medical settings and training. It also limits the higher priced services we can confidently offer as a day spa.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
On top of that, as clients get under the table services with harmful results, It lessens their trust in practitioners as a whole. All of this to say, I'm very concerned about my future, even though our management is great and goes out of their way to gain clientele and our spa has an amazing reputation.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I left college to pursue aesthetics because I was enthusiastic about it and it felt right, but I'm growing to resent the beauty industry. I'm stuck ruminating on how my life would be better if I hadn't made such a life altering career change. My fiance and I have bills to pay, and I was the primary breadwinner for years.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
She was laid off recently and is trying desperately to get one of her many opportunities to commit, but they just keep stringing her along. We both often work our side hustles late into the night to put a little extra money in our pockets, and I've been applying for second jobs with zero luck. We now live paycheck to paycheck, and even that is barely scraping by.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul just to keep the lights on.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Wow, I didn't realize that things were that scrappy when you were in your early days.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I've seen people do incredibly well in my field, so I know it's possible. I've been trying my best to work hard and not get beaten down. I come in early and stay late. I come in on days off. I even come in on days I don't have clients and don't get paid. I don't always mind, but more and more, on an hourly basis, I'm making less than minimum wage. I'm not a content creator.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I'm not a hashtag girl boss. I wasn't built to hustle. I'm not looking for a badass career or trying to get rich. I just want a stable job. but I'm having trouble getting clear on what I want, especially given my specialized skillset. I have many interests, but I keep finding myself scrolling through job websites without any direction. What in the world should I do?
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Find another trade or go back to school? Start flipping burgers to make ends meet? Should I cut my losses and sell my home I've come to love so much? Signed, trying to inject some new ideas into the face of my career.
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1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
So much of it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
So yeah, they're creating an experience, so it's really beautiful, but it's unsettling. Side note, I just looked it up. In 2024, Disney generated... $34.2 billion with its parks and experiences division. Oh, I was going to say, but that includes movies. No way, no. Actually, total revenue was $91 billion, and that was up 3% from the year before. That is just nuts.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Yeah, really good advice, Jordan. And just for this practical question about whether to sell your home, I also can't straight up tell you what to do there. What I would say is don't sell your home unless it's putting you into dire financial straits or you're seriously at risk of losing it or something like that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Or if selling the house and then renting a smaller place would give you significantly more time and energy to devote to these new career ideas.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
If you decide, for example, that your calling is becoming a teacher and you need to get a master's in education to do the kind of work you want to do and the only way to pay for school is to sell the house, then you would be doing it for a very solid reason. It would be funding your next chapter. But I wouldn't just panic sell. I know that living paycheck to paycheck is terrifying.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
That is a very real thing. but you also want to protect this beautiful investment of yours. And the reality is after moving and fees and just like the headache of selling a house, I guess I would want to know if renting a place or buying a smaller place would significantly change things for you. So maybe decouple owning a house from the bigger career questions, at least for now.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
My only other thought for you, I would be curious to know how other estheticians are dealing with these challenges. You said that you've seen people do incredibly well in your field, so it is possible, which is great news.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I would reach out to those people and really anyone in your industry and just ask them like, hey, I'm seeing this in the economics and I'm noticing these trends and it's become really hard and I'm making $20,000 less every year. How are you surviving? How are you making your commissions? And just start to crowdsource ideas for how to respond to all of this. Somebody has the answer.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
You're welcome. Who knew that there was any such thing as towel game? I didn't even think about that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
My husband and I have been together for eight years and married for two. We're not European, but we live in Central Europe where we met. We always assumed we would have kids eventually, but with no set timeline. To ease the pressure, we froze embryos. Now at 41, we're struggling to make the leap.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
On a recent visit to my home country, I was exposed to parents who admitted that they regretted having kids for the wrong reasons, while others embraced parenting without hesitation. We don't share that deep, unquestioning desire.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
We envision offering our kids amazing opportunities, multilingualism, travel, diverse skills, but we're apprehensive about the daily realities, total dependence, stress, and the irreversible lifestyle change. While my husband doesn't really express a desire to have kids anytime soon, he does fear regretting not having them. Meanwhile, I fear resenting them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Right. The reasons to have kids and how to factor in the future. So she goes on. We also lack a support network. Our families live on opposite sides of the world and we have no strong local ties, but we have decided to live here from now on. I also worry about my patients, stamina and the challenges of pregnancy and childbirth. We're very busy people and we don't know how busy people do it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
We also don't want to outsource our parenting a la British aristocracy. Despite these doubts, we're not fully against it. We're just stuck. How can we untangle this decision? What factors should we prioritize? Is strong desire the key? Or do people grow into parenthood? Signed, help me end this confusing stalemate. Do we embrace our fate and procreate?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Dodge the freight because life's pretty great? Or simply wait until it's just too late?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
It's not about their kids together. I
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
if you can get to that place then this isn't necessarily the end of the story for you it's more like it's an invitation into a process around this complicated feeling yeah well said this one gives me some pause as well i'm with you she's not a bad person for feeling that way but it does bring up this huge question which is is it really fair to resent people you choose to bring into this world and i know that she's concerned about that and i also appreciate that
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
But if you think that you will resent them no matter what, is that a signal that you maybe shouldn't have kids?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I think your question, what specifically would make her resentful is a really good one because the obvious answer is clearly my kids and how much time and energy and money they're going to require and the hit to my lifestyle and the stress and all of that. But there's so much more to that. First of all, time, energy, money, those things can feel very different depending on your lens on them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
If you think of them like a cost, that's one thing. If you feel them more as an investment, then it's a totally different experience. But also I hear that what a lot of parents actually resent is is a loss of identity. It's like the loss of the person they were before they were parents and also the loss of freedom and the loss of total independence, which is another very valid concern.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
It's an important variable to consider. So if that's what's underneath this resentment, that is also something to explore because I think it's pretty likely that you will experience a big shift in identity. That's part of the deal when you become a parent, right? But how you make room for these different parts of yourself,
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
mother, as well as partner and employee and friend and human being, which also goes back to the thing Jordan said about how you and your husband are supporting each other, that will probably make such a huge difference in how you feel about your kids.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
In other words, if what you're afraid of resenting is a loss of self, you might want to take some time to think about what aspects of yourself you really want to protect. and how you can stay connected to those parts of you as you become a parent. And I'm not saying it's going to be easy.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I hear that the first year or two are pretty hard and there's kind of like an appropriate loss of self to some degree in all parenthood, especially motherhood. But I do wonder if there's a way to go into this decision with more conscious awareness of the things that would actually hurt to lose and the ways that you might be able to take care of yourself along the way in order to not lose them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
And if that might reduce or even resolve any resentment that you're afraid of feeling.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I'm also very curious to know what those parents you hung out with can teach you. It's kind of like the esthetician who wrote in and said, there are people in my industry who are making this work. So I know it's possible. I mean, there's great research to be done. So these people you talk to who are over the moon about being parents,
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
What variables do you see in their lives that might give you a clue as to what it takes to feel secure in this decision? And same thing for the ones who regret having kids. What are they dealing with or what are they not dealing with? Did they see this feeling coming or was it a total surprise to them?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that's impressive. That's where Disney really shines. They do. And you just see how like their company culture seeps into every little detail.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I would dig in deeper there, too, and talk with your husband about all of this and just basically become students of the other parents in your life. That's just like great recon for you. Make it safe for them to be very honest with you. Did you guys feel this way before? Or was this just creep up on you after you had kids and you realized it was a huge mistake?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Or was there an inner voice telling you that maybe you weren't called to parenthood and you just didn't listen to it? And now here you are, you know, just know that you will never ultimately know what parenthood is going to be like for you. until you actually do it. And that's the bind that you're in, right?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
You can't know fully in advance, but I do think that having parents in your life is a huge benefit. And if you talk to them, it might give you a lot more data about all of this.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
My wife had a long abusive childhood that included being told she couldn't do things. Lots of things, big things, the things dreams are made of simply because she's disabled. She was often rejected out of hand and not told why, or never given an opportunity to even try. It's a sad childhood. And now as an adult, she suffers from depression. which is part of the reason that she's in therapy.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
But my wife still dreams big and she has a lot of dreams. She wants to get into medicine, politics, art, music, and online entertainment. These dreams aren't just all over the place. They're also grand. She wants to not just be involved in medicine, but the chief of medicine, not just in politics, but making big sweeping changes to improve accessibility.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
not just an artist, but the famous artist, or a great musician who inspires awe. She gives me these hypotheticals that are so far out there, like how cool would it be if we went to insert big stage production here, and I left the dinner table and then turned up on stage and it surprised everyone. I almost can't grasp it. My wife has a grand destination in mind, but
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I have trouble getting her to see the journey, getting her to see each step. Sure, all of this would be wonderful and amazing, but how would you do any of it? When she tells me about these dreams, I listen and ask questions, but she's quick to shut down if I probe too much into how would you do that or what does it take to get there?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I'm also the sole financial provider in our relationship right now, so sometimes my response to her dreams and visions is, where would we get the money for that when we can't even afford to fix our car? How do I support my wife's dreams on an emotional level? How do I support her? How do I help her pick one or two of these goals and get started on the journey to achieve these dreams?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
How do I show her that the journey has to come before the destination? Signed, helping my wife gain ground when she's always been put down.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
And never told why. That part made me the saddest somehow.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
But what he's describing, it's more than just a healthy defiance.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
Yeah. It sounds more like fantasy than genuine aspiration.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1130: Giving Wife a Hand When Dreams Are Too Grand | Feedback Friday
I can't believe you just said that, right? Yeah.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I'm not arguing, I'm just saying the airline is trying to give you, it's for your hands.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Hi Jordan and Gabe. I want to preface my email by saying that my following statements take nothing away from the fires in LA. Everyone deserves to have a home where they feel safe. Period. I'm from Chico in Northern California. It's been triggering to hear all the attention the fires in LA are getting when we've had recent fires more deadly and larger in size very recently. Nehmt euren Wunsch.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Der Campfire, über 153.000 Hektar. Der Dixie-Fall, 963.000 Hektar. Der Park-Fall, fast 430.000 Hektar. Ich weiß, es ist kein Konzert. Aber hätte eine Celebrität hier gelebt, die ihren verlassenen Zuhause ticktocken und die Sichtbarkeit dafür bekommen würde, wären wir auf den Radaren der Menschen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Aber der Fakt ist, dass die Menschen, die unsere Gemeinschaft besitzen, meistens Low- und Middle-Income-Volk, broader society has forgotten. During the campfire in 2019, for example, on my very short street, two families are still living out of RVs because they lost everything and have no way to financially redeem themselves.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
It continues to hit home because two more family members of mine lost their homes in the park fire months ago. I listened to your 25-minute intro the other week and the Los Angeles fires were compared to September 11th. I suppose it hits me, because I'm waiting for someone to say, damn, this has been NorCal's story for the past few years. We should put the spotlight on them. But it doesn't happen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
All of this to say, it's shitty all around. I thought something like this would bring the state together. And maybe it has. Our humble, still very much recovering community has worked to send resources to those in LA. We are a resilient community, and I think the gesture speaks to our hearts, despite humble beginnings. I appreciate you reading this. Grief deserves a witness.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Signed, still smoldering from these invisible fires.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I agree with all of that. And I'm with you, I take her point. It's funny, just about half an hour before we started recording today, there's this news that a huge wildfire has broken out in Castaic, which is, yeah, I think it's like an hour northeast of Los Angeles, I believe.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
In the past I would see that and feel really terrible and probably spend a few minutes looking at some photos and just thinking about the people. But because of this letter, it's making me really empathize with them in a new way. So I'm also glad that she wrote in.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I was getting something similar on that episode, the one we did a few weeks ago when I said that I've been fortunate to not lose something to a disaster like this and that these fires are making me sit up and pay attention in a new way. So recognizing what you've been through here, being supportive when this stuff happens to other communities, I consider this segment part of that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Aber was mich auch interessiert, ist, dass du wirklich darüber sprichst, welche Geschichten wir beachten müssen und warum und wie. Und ja, ich stimme dazu. Es ist myopisch und vielleicht unfair, nicht Zeit zu sparen, Menschen wie dich und deine Nachbarn zu erinnern, wenn du schmerzt. Durch diese Logik jedoch.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Es ist so myopisch und unfair, dass man nicht Zeit verbraucht, Leute in Florida zu erinnern, wenn sie einen Kategorie-5-Hurricane haben. Oder die Leute in Spanien letztes Jahr, als Flüsse Valencia zerstört und Menschen getötet haben. Oder, Gott, ich meine, die Liste geht weiter und weiter. Es sind wie Hurricanes in Nepal und Chile und Japan, du weißt.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Dude, letztes Jahr, 37 Millionen Äcker der Amazon wurden gebrannt. Also, wie wir einfach alles tun sollten, arbeiten gehen und unsere Leben weitergehen, wenn etwas wie das passiert, ist einfach außerhalb von mir. Nichts zu sagen über die Schmerzen der verschiedenen Kriege, die jetzt überall auf der Welt stattfinden. Es ist so viel Schmerz, weißt du? Also, alle dieser Tragödie sind schrecklich.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Sie verdienen alle unsere Aufmerksamkeit. Sie verdienen alle unsere Liebe. Also, ich sage das nicht, um mit deinem Punkt zu argumentieren, weil es ein fairer ist. Aber ich denke, wir müssen auch erkennen, wie schwer es ist, den Schmerz der ganzen Welt zu beurteilen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Nicht nur, weil wir auf die Medien verlangen, uns bestimmte Dinge zu zeigen, worüber du einen guten Punkt machst, wie wir bestimmte Informationen erreichen, worauf wir Aufmerksamkeit geben, sondern auch, weil es einfach sehr überwältigend und sehr schwer ist, sich mit jeder einzelnen Tragödie zu identifizieren. Und welche nehmen Priorität? Ich bin mir nicht sicher, wie man das antwortet.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Besonders, wenn sie in einem Ort passieren, das in vielen Fällen weit entfernt ist.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Ja, ich höre das auch. Sie zeigt auch etwas Schlechtes und Unkomfortableses darüber, wie die Macht in diesen Tragedien funktioniert.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Hi Jordan and Gabe. I'm a single father of a special needs child and for the past five years I've been trapped in Norway's legal system, navigating the aftermath of a relationship with a partner who has a violent schizoaffective disorder. My son was born with significant congenital challenges that require constant care.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Mit zwei anderen Kollegen gestalte ich ein langfristiges Projekt, das unsere einzige Verantwortung ist. Wir haben viel Freiheit und die Arbeit ist am meisten zu genießen. Das Problem ist einer unserer Superioren, Professor X. Don't make an X-Men joke. Don't do it. Although we're not directly his student assistants, we function more like an outsourced unit of the institute.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
We are officially under his project management and most of our instructions come from his research assistants. We do our best to avoid Professor X, but during faculty events we're invited along, which means we inevitably have to interact with him. At a recent legal fair, he behaved incredibly disrespectfully.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
He instructed one of the student assistants to carry his coat and bag everywhere like a servant. Oh man. Wow. That's some 19th century shit right there.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
That's ridiculous though. That's what they do, among other things, yeah. Dann, nachdem er eine Präsentation geliefert hat, hat er uns Studenten-Assistenten für Feedback gefragt, speziell, ob wir seine Sprache überhaupt verstanden haben. Als ich anfing zu antworten, hat er sich abrupt mitten im Satz weggeworfen und hat mit jemand anderem gesprochen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Ich war da, schockiert und sprachlos, nicht mehr ablein, meine Gedanken zu beenden.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
In Gruppensettings klickt er oft auf den weichsten Link, typisch einen Studenten-Assistenten, und macht random, unabhängige Aufmerksamkeit. Wenn du für Klärung fragst, stürzt er dich nach außen unabhängig, um dich schuldig zu fühlen. Selbst grundlegende Gestalten, wie ihn in der Halle zu begrüßen, werden ignoriert, was mich nur zu meiner Frustration hinweist.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Die Art, wie er seine Macht durch Gestalten und Ausführungen besitzt, ist schwierig zu beheben. Sein Verhalten ist so bizarr und manipulativ. Ich habe nie etwas wie das erlebt. Ich weiß oft nicht, wie ich mit ihm umgehen kann, vor allem, weil er mein Superiär ist und vielleicht sogar in meinen Studien als Beobachter endet. Oh, ja, das ist schwierig.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Seine Forschungsanbieter bewegen oft sein Verhalten mit Kommentaren wie, das ist nur so, wie er ist, oder du musst lernen, wie du damit umgehen musst. Er hat auch seine guten Momente. Es ist klar, dass er in hierarchischen Bereichen wächst und seine Position genießt. While he may be a brilliant legal scholar, he's a major disappointment as a person. Egotistical, narcissistic and erotic.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
On top of this, he's endured severe trauma due to his mother's extreme behavior, including physical violence. Ich war mit meiner Tochter seit zwölf Jahren. Early on, I noticed signs of instability, unpredictable anger, irrational demands and cycles of dissatisfaction. She often claimed things would improve if we took the next step, moving in together, buying a house, having a child.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I feel like I have to submit to him to avoid conflict, but this submission comes at the cost of my authenticity. I'm tired of enduring his belittling remarks and disrespectful behavior. I wonder how I should handle someone so authoritarian and domineering. It also sometimes feels like the faculty operates under aristocratic rules.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Is it even possible to push back against this guy respectfully? How can I preserve my dignity while standing up for my values? Or should I start looking for a new job? Signed, roiling and recoiling, cause I'm toiling for a guy who's spoiling. This job that I should be rejoicing in.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Yeah, he's an A-hole.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
You know, she said she's shocked and speechless and she's unable to finish her thoughts sometimes because his behavior is so bizarre. She doesn't even know how to deal with him. I've had to work with a couple of people like this. It's so weird. They make you feel like you're the weird one.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Wow. That's a nice move, though.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I don't know. I kind of love that, though. You're not like picking a fight. You're just saying, hey, I'm still talking.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
No big deal. You know, it's funny. I just remembered in my second year of college, I did this kind of like mini study abroad program in Washington, D.C. I went to UCLA, but they have a campus in D.C. And you go there for a quarter and you do an internship and you take a couple of classes and. Die Klasse, für die ich eingeladen habe, war politische Wortschrift.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Und mein Lehrer, der Professor, war Colin Powell und Condoleezza Rice's Redakteur, wenn ich mich erinnere. Er war brillant. Er war wie ein totaler Gehirn. Er war ein wirklich guter Editor, ein wirklich guter Wortschriftlehrer. Er war wirklich hart. Es ist lustig. Jede Woche mussten wir eine neue Form von politischen Wörtern schreiben. Eine Woche mussten wir ein Op-Ed machen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Eine Woche mussten wir ein Dankeschön schreiben. Dieser Kerl hat mir gezeigt, wie man ein Dankeschön schreibt. Ich benutze ihn immer noch heute. Es ist ziemlich brillant. Und seine Technik war, dass er jede Woche einen Studenten in der Klasse wählt. Er nimmt das, was er geschrieben hat, stellt es auf einen alten Projektor und editiert es live vor allen. Das war so voller. Es war so beeindruckend.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Aber es war ziemlich erstaunlich. Wir sind alle viel bessere Wörter geworden. The reason I bring him up is one of his classic moves was he would never say the last thing in a conversation when you were talking to him. So I would sometimes be chatting with him after class about something or whatever. And when we got to the end of the conversation, I would say, okay, cool. Like, thanks so much.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
See you next week. And then he would just turn and walk away. He would never say bye or good night. I'd be like, oh, cool. Thanks for explaining that. I was just, you know, wondering what that thing was or whatever. Dead stare. See you Thursday or whatever. He would just spin on his heels and walk away.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
One time we were talking and he got into the elevator while we were talking, which was already this weird power move. And then we were standing there as the doors were waiting to close and then I finished and the doors just closed. He didn't even say like, sorry, bye. It was just like this weird, very weird guy. Wow. I still don't know if he was manipulative.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Was he obsessed with power and that was like his way of feeling important or looking back, it's possible that he was on the spectrum and he just didn't read situations very well, but I don't know, I suspect maybe the former. Anyway, he was Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice's speechwriter, so he probably does understand power pretty well.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
But I just remember being left feeling the exact way that our friend here is describing.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I know, it's so cheesy, right? Don't say bye.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
It definitely works on you when you're 19 and you don't know how to handle people. If people did that to me today, I would just laugh and be like, that's not how you treat people.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Young and hopeful, I believed her and hoped to build a stable life for us. Unfortunately, achieving any of these milestones only escalated her behavior. Gosh, that's unfortunate. After she became pregnant, she began threatening to harm the baby if I didn't comply with her demands.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Ich stimme dazu, leider. Wenn es darum geht, deine Dignität zu behalten, während du für deine Werte stehst, bin ich nicht sicher, dass du das wirklich tun kannst. Nicht komplett. Und das ist das Problem. Du weißt, du plakierst diesen Mann, den du von seinen Regeln spielst, und das könnte in der Tat der beste Schritt hier sein, aber es kommt an einen Kosten.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Und dieser Kosten, wie du gesagt hast, ist deine Authentizität. Look, there is a world where you say to this guy, hey, I've worked for you for a while now. I see you do this thing, that thing. I just want to share. Not my favorite vibe. I don't appreciate it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Can you stop being you for a moment? You could say, I don't know if it's really necessary. It's landing with people in a way that maybe you don't realize. And we work really hard for you. And I think most of us feel weirded out, hurt, scared, unappreciated, whatever you want to say. And I just want to share that with you respectfully.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Terrifying. But it is an option and I would applaud you if you did that. I just can't promise that it won't make him retaliate against you. And I definitely can't promise that it's for sure going to lead to meaningful change on his part.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Probably not, right? Yeah. This also depends on whether you really need to stay in his good graces. Maybe you don't. That's an interesting question.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
At the time, I naively chalked it up to hormones, but after our son was born, her anger, irrationality and neglect turned into dangerous behavior, including leaving our infant unattended while she drank excessively. At one point, she became so violent toward me, I almost lost my life. Wow, this is horrifying.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Und übrigens, um es nicht zu klar zu machen, als er auf seine Präsentation nach Feedback gefragt hat und du versucht hast, ihm eine Meinung zu geben, und dann hat er sich entfernt und angefangen, mit jemand anderem zu sprechen, glaube ich stark, dass er A nicht Feedback wollte, er wollte nur Begrüßung.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Die Art, wie er es dargestellt hat, war auch so, dass er gesagt hat, habt ihr das überhaupt verstanden? So furchtbar. B, du hast einen Teil von ihm getroffen, der sehr unabhängig war, sehr rau, und er hat nicht gefällt, wie das gefällt. Er wollte eigentlich keinen Art von Kritik im ersten Moment.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Ich denke, er hätte wahrscheinlich die Konversation beenden müssen und einen blöden Power-Move machen, um seine Kontrolle wiederherzustellen, um das, was ich als ein sehr fragiles Ego erwarte, zu verteidigen. Das ist das, was Narzissismus ist. Also, das war nicht um dich. Es ging um ihn. Es ging darum, wie gefährlich er wirklich ist, tief unten.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Das ist etwas anderes, was ich versuchen würde, in Erinnerung zu nehmen, wenn du dich fühlst, als ob sein Verhalten irgendwie auf dich liegt.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Yeah, we'll put that behind the dark paywall. That's right, the Dark Jordan paywall. You got to pay extra for the darkness.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. I tried to get her help through mental health services, but her illness often left her unable to follow through. Eventually, she was involuntarily hospitalized for psychosis when our son was two years old. I had tried leaving the relationship before, but was often manipulated into staying, sometimes with threats of harm to me or our son.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Sobald sie ausgeliefert wurde, hat sie ihre Medikamente nicht mehr genommen und ihre mentale Gesundheit ist gestiegen. Sie glaubte, dass die meisten Leute, die sie bekommen wollten, auch mein Vater, waren. Sie hat sich komplett auf die Ärzte vertraut und hat noch nie einen gesehen. Seitdem hat mein Vater unschuldig gewesen, um sie wieder anzunehmen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Für die meiste Zeit ist sie stabil gewesen, aber mit dem unterliegenden Glauben, dass es eine größere Stärke in der Welt gegen sie gibt. Obwohl es ihr Leben nicht vollständig verwendet hat und sie konnte einen ziemlich normalen leben. Seit der Pandemie hat ihre mentale und physische Gesundheit geklopft. Die Verwirrung der Zeit hat ihr die Bedrohung der medizinischen Gemeinschaft geholfen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Es wurde auch schwieriger für sie zu gehen. Selbst nach oben zu gehen, machte sie windig. Dann, recently, became things exponentially worse. Sie lebt viel von ihrem Zeitraum und wird nicht aus dem Haus gehen. Ich habe sie gestern Abend angerufen und sie hat gesagt, dass wir das letzte Mal, als wir für den Abend gekommen sind, ihre Parasiten getrunken haben, die ihr Gehirn essen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Sie hat dann gesagt, dass wir ihr Leichen gedumpft haben und sie kann sie nicht wegnehmen. She hasn't made any threats to her life or to others, so it seems like a three-day hold is not an option. Are there any other options available to get her care, even if it's against her will? Signed, hoping you can expound on the options around helping a parent whose mind is unsound.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
When she was finally out of the house, I realized that I could no longer protect my son if we stayed together. With the support of her care team, I eventually ended the relationship. That unleashed a storm of threats and retaliation.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Ja, ich habe das auch nie gehört. Vielleicht nennen sie das, weil du von dem Job ausgeführt wirst, wenn du allein in deiner Wohnung lebst.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Was auch besonders anstrengend sein könnte bei deiner Mutter, wenn du intervenieren würdest, wäre, dass du ihr Paranoia verringern würdest, dass du in der Tat raus bist, um sie zu holen. Das kann wirklich schwer sein. Das könnte in der Kürze etwas Schlimmeres machen. Das könnte für dich und deinen Vater und die restlichen in der Familie sehr schwierige Gefühle bringen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
She refused to share updates about her mental health, convinced others that I was the unhealthy one, and got them to file false reports about me to Child Protective Services, which triggered stressful investigations. I was already overwhelmed caring for our son, and the extra burden became unbearable. The courts eventually awarded me primary custody, but she was granted 50% visitation.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Ich möchte nur anerkennen, wie bewunderlich und zerstörerisch das sein kann, das zu sehen. There is another option available to you, which is to seek guardianship over your mother. Now, guardianship is another legal construct. It allows you to make decisions on behalf of a person who's basically unable to care for themselves or manage their affairs because...
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Sie sind schmerzhaft krank oder sie haben andere Bedingungen. Und es gibt mehrere Arten von Aufmerksamkeit. Du kannst Aufmerksamkeit einer Person haben, du kannst Aufmerksamkeit ihres Unternehmens haben, von beidem. Oder du kannst nur eine offene Aufmerksamkeit haben, die dir spezifische Kräfte als erlaubt wird.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Und wegen deiner Moms Staat, das könnte eine wirklich gute Option sein, aber das wäre auch ein Prozess. Deine Mutter müsste von einem Probate-Korps bezeichnet werden. Das bedeutet, dass sie nicht in der Lage ist, ihre persönlichen oder finanziellen Verhältnisse durch ihre mentale Krankheit zu gestalten. Wegen einer developmentalen Behinderung oder irgendeinem anderen Grund.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Du hättest wahrscheinlich eine formelle Beurteilung von einem medizinischen oder mentalen Gesundheitsprofessor, um die Beurteilung der Unkompetenz zu unterstützen. Du hättest eine Beurteilung für eine Beurteilung in der Probeekorte in deinem Momenteil. Du hättest eine Beratung anrufen müssen, um Beurteilung und Beurteilung zu beurteilen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Deine Mutter hätte das Recht, wieder einmal an der Beratung zu sein. Sie könnte die Beurteilung beurteilen. Sie hätte das Recht, ihre eigene legale Repräsentation zu haben.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Und wenn der Gericht die Petition anbietet, dann bist du oder wer auch immer der Gericht ist, vielleicht dein Vater, vielleicht jemand anderes in der Familie, der Gericht muss mit bestimmten Beratungs- und Aufmerksamkeitsvermögen verabschieden, die appellieren, dass sie jährliche Beratungen an den Gericht anbieten.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Auch die Beratung kann die Rechte einer Person bedeutend beschränken, also sind die Gerichte es oft als Lastresort anzusehen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
It's so interesting. Your mom is clearly experiencing serious mental illness. She obviously needs help and she might continue to get worse. But she might also fall in that strange gray area between people who are functional enough to live on their own and people who definitely need more serious care. This is kind of where Josh, my old neighbor, fell for a while and I saw firsthand how hard it was.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Für seine Familie und für den Landwirt und für das Staat, um zu wissen, was man mit diesem Mann zu tun hat. Also, Fälle wie deine Moms können wirklich schwierig sein. Wenn sie isst und atmet und hat einen Ruf über ihrem Kopf und sie ist nicht bedroht, sich oder jemand anderen zu verletzen, aber sie spricht mit den Parasiten in ihrem Gehirn oder so.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Es könnte ein Fall sein, dass du sie alleine verletzt und einfach ein Auge auf sie behältst. Ich weiß, dass du intervenieren willst. Ich verstehe, warum du das tust. Ich wahrscheinlich auch. And for all I know, you should intervene before things get worse. But this might be a situation where you monitor your mom from afar and see if things do actually get worse.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
And kind of surrender to the reality that she might be a very sad and tragic presence in your life to some degree for a while. And that until her situation worsens, you might not be able to do all that much for her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I begged the courts to consider her mental illness and history of instability. But in my jurisdiction, a mother's right to see her child... oft die Gefühle für die Sicherheit ausweiten. So infuriierend. Während ihres Besuchstages begann mein Sohn, emotional und physisch zu regressieren. Er kam von Besuchstagen zurück mit schweren Angst, Träumen und behavioralen Problemen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Ja, das ist eine gute Idee. Und es könnte auch ein guter Startpunkt für mehr ernsthafte Interventionen auf der Straße sein.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I'm also curious to know where your dad is in all of this. You said that he's been unwilling to readmit her, but I wonder if there might also be room for conversations with him somewhere in here. I mean, maybe you guys could talk about why he's so resistant to getting our help. See if he might be open to new options. Find a way to collaborate with him so that this doesn't all fall on you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I really do feel like this should be a team effort. This shouldn't just be you trying to figure this out on your own and getting nowhere.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I totally agree. And to that point, I would be remiss if I didn't say, I hope you're finding your own support to help process some of this stuff if possible, because... Jordan sagte, wenn du mit einem solchen Vater bist, habe ich sicher, dass es einen tiefen Effekt auf dich hat. Es könnte eine komplizierte Beziehung mit deinen eigenen Emotionen gebildet haben.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Es könnte dich fühlen, als ob du immer noch andere Menschen kümmern musst, besonders deine Mutter, die nicht dein Job war. Und es könnte wirklich hart gewesen sein, vielleicht unmöglich für sie, für dich zu zeigen, wie du es als Kind wirklich brauchst. Also würde es sehr stark sein, all diese Therapien zu sprechen. For sure.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Plus a therapist could help advise you on your options with your mom, what she really needs right now. And also what not intervening, if that's what he decides to do, which is an option, what not intervening would bring up for him. Because not taking care of his mom, that might feel just as complicated to him as having to take care of her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Ich lernte später von ihrer Familie, dass sie gegen ihn gewalttätig war während dieser Besuche. Und schlimmer. Ein besonders traumhafter Ereignis geschah, als sie ihren Sohn allein in einem kühlen Wohnzimmer während eines psychotischen Episodes verlassen. Er war furchtbar und schrie für Hilfe. Ein Auferstandener hörte seine Schreie und fand ihn in ihrer Wohnung.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Howdy, gents. This week, I unfortunately had to say goodbye to my dog, Moo Moo. Er benötigte seit dem Tag, an dem ich ihn von einer Rettung über drei Jahre herbeigetragen habe, bis zu dem Punkt, an dem mein Leben sich um die Sicherung, dass er immer gerettet wird, und die Medikamente vor mir und meinem anderen Hund, den ich seit über neun Jahren hatte.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Der Verlust war ziemlich plötzlich, und sein Sitzen mit ihm in seinen letzten Momenten hat mich zerstört. In diesen letzten Momenten war ich so neben mir, mit Schmerzen, die Prozesse, wie final die Euthanasie ist, All I could do was pet him and rub his cheeks and ears as they started the process. I'm crushed, have bawled my eyes out countless times and feel listless.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
My other dog is also feeling the loss pretty heavily. They were buds and I truly believe he senses Moo is gone forever. Oh mein Gott, das ist so traurig. Und ich erinnere mich, als ich meinen Hund in den Blick auf seinen Gesicht gesetzt habe. Oh, das ist nicht... Ja. Das wird für mich schwer. Das ist so traurig. The last two years have been incredibly tough.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I've gone through two layoffs, a move, relationship changes, financial struggles, and now my super loving, goofy and smelly little pup is gone. I feel so close to the end of my path of life, like my footholds have eroded and the path in front of me has collapsed entirely. How do I pick these pieces up? Signed, feeling like I'm flagging and unsure what I should be grabbing.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
now that my buddy's tail has stopped wagging. Jesus, Gabe. Way to destroy everyone with the sign-off. Jeez. That might have been a little much. I'm sorry. That was a little too intense.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Die psychologische Schadenswerte von solchen Fällen sind schmerzhaft. Mein Sohn braucht jetzt konstant Aufmerksamkeit aufgrund seiner kongenitalen Herausforderungen. Es ist wie zwei Schritte nach vorne zu nehmen, nur zehn Schritte zurück zu gehen, jedes Mal, wenn sie in sein Leben zurückkommt.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Her escalating psychosis eventually led to another involuntary hospitalization and visits were temporarily suspended. Without contact with his mother, my son began to improve. His anxiety lessened and his aggression started to subside. But after eight months in the hospital, she was released and immediately petitioned for custody again, claiming she was stable.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Ja, gut gesagt, Jordan. Natürlich denke ich viel über Drake, als du all das sagst. Und ja, alles, was du gerade beschrieben hast, ist genau das, was ich mit ihm und mit all den Pets, die ich in den letzten Jahren verloren habe, gefunden habe. Und ich habe eine gute Menge von ihnen verloren. Ich höre auch von ihm, dass diese Verletzung ihn extra hart schießt.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Es klingt, als wäre er seit zwei Jahren schwer. Und das hat diesen letzten Schmerz verändert.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
in eine, was klingt wie eine Krise, und ich verstehe das auch, alles, was du beschreibst, fühlst du dich enttäuscht, fühlst du dich unerwartet, fühlst du dich unerwartet, als ob du nicht weißt, wo du hinfährst, es gibt keinen Rutscher, du hast keine berühmten Marker, all diese sind klassische Symptome von Schmerzen, aber diese Gefühle können auch Symptome eines gewissen Ausbruchs sein, wie ein existenzieller Ausbruch, der vielleicht durch das Verlangen von Mumu verpräsentiert wurde, aber auch für eine Weile gebildet werden könnte.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
You have gone through a lot of loss recently, my friend. Two layoffs, a big move. Sounds like maybe a breakup or at least a shift in your relationship. There's financial stress. That's a lot to go through. And I'm sure all of that made your dogs even more important to you, right? They kept you company. They gave you an anchor. They were a source of comfort, of companionship.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
So this is all connected. But what I want to share with you is these crises, these breakdowns, Es kann furchtbar sein. Sie können auch sehr, sehr tief sein. Und ich denke, sie sind eigentlich essentiell. Was du gerade lernst, oder was du gerade lernst, ist, dass alles in unserer Leben, insbesondere uns, sterben muss. Literal oder metaphorisch. Beziehungen, Situationen, Lebensphasen, Identitäten.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Sie müssen zerbrechen, sie müssen sterben, um für uns zu wachsen. Und das ist Teil ihrer Arbeit, endlich wegzufallen. Und das ist wirklich schmerzhaft. Die Schmerzen sind Teil dessen, wie die Zerbrechung funktioniert. Und das ist okay. Obwohl ich sagen würde, je mehr du diese Krisen umbringst, desto mehr wirst du dich über sie interessiert und lässt dich in ihnen ein bisschen mehr herumschwimmen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Jordans Hühnchen-Paddeln-Metaphor ist ein wirklich guter, denke ich. desto weniger schmerzhaft sind sie. Aber du musst nicht zu viel mit dem Schmerz diskutieren, du kannst einfach das Teil sein. Ich weiß nicht, ob wir dir genau sagen können, wie du die Teile deines Lebens ausprobierst. Es ist möglich, dass einige dieser Teile nicht ausprobiert werden können.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Vielleicht sollten einige davon nicht ausprobiert werden. Und das ist ein bisschen eine furchtbare Meinung. Es ist auch ein bisschen interessant. Weißt du, vielleicht ist eine Teil dieser Transition, in der du bist, die Teile deines Lebens, die weggefallen sind, und dann anfangen, neue zu erschaffen, oder zumindest offen zu neuen zu sein. Und sie kommen immer, ob du sie fragst oder nicht.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Weißt du, Veränderung wird Veränderung, oder? Leben wird Leben. Wenn du mit dieser Idee freundlich werden kannst, kann es sehr liberierend sein. Es kann sehr klar werden. Und in der Zeit wird es tatsächlich sehr aufregend werden. Aber es wird dich benötigen, die Bedrohung zu lassen, um dein Leben wieder genau so zusammenzubringen, wie es war. Oder um alles perfekt zu verstehen, um sich zu heilen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Neither of those things is actually possible, because again, everything is constantly changing, everything is constantly dying, including us, as it should. And life rarely makes sense in the way that our minds want to make sense of it, in my experience.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Aber in der größeren Bildung, in seiner sehr bizarren Art, es ist fast mystisch, endet das Leben immer mit perfekten Sinn, aber das ist nicht wirklich für uns zu kontrollieren. Es ist nur für uns, um zu appreizieren und zu entdecken und hoffentlich mit zusammenzuarbeiten. Und das inkludiert deine Schmerzen für Mumu.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Also ja, auf alle Fälle investiere in deine Beziehungen, suche den Job, den du willst. Sich in dein neues Zuhause zu befinden, neue Freunde zu machen, finanziell stabil zu werden, all das ist wichtig. Du musst den Weg kreieren, den du fühlst, dass er zerbrochen ist. Aber während du das tust, würde ich auch versuchen, Raum für die Idee zu machen, dass ein neuer Weg aufwächst, wie es sollte.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
This pattern has repeated several times. Each time she convinces a new psychiatrist to vouch for her stability, and the courts once again push for visitation. No matter how much harm she causes, or how desperately I beg for protection, the system prioritizes her above all else.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Und die Verwirrung, die du gerade fühlst, die Angst, die du fühlst, sind nicht unbedingt ein Problem oder ein Verlust an deiner Seite. Sie könnten nur sein, wie es sich fühlt, nicht genau zu wissen, was passiert, was mehr als okay ist. I find that there's a very thin line between confusion and wonder. Just something I've been appreciating lately.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
So, without being too cute about it, I have a feeling that this might be one of the great gifts that Mumu gave you on his way out. Just this opportunity to learn how to let go and find the courage to keep moving forward without knowing exactly where that's going to go. And also to keep believing in the potential of your life, in the value of your life.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Because it is valuable, even when it starts to look unfamiliar.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Rabbi Gabe. Me either. I don't know. I hope that meant something to this guy. I've been going through, obviously, my own version of this the last couple of years, so... I really relate to this story.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
My son and I have had restraining orders against her due to her threatening behavior and death threats, but these seem to have little impact on the court's decisions. I receive no child support from her and can barely keep up with the expenses of his care and our adapted home. To make matters worse, she gets free legal help and can drag me into court as often as she wants, draining my resources.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Wow. Wow.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Das macht keinen Sinn. How can I protect my son, fight an endless legal battle, and keep myself afloat financially and emotionally? Are there strategies I haven't considered? Is there a way to break out of this vicious cycle? Signed, running out of time to make the courts find that my ex really is out of her mind.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
So verrückt. Ich verstehe nicht. Unkonsensual. Unkonsensual. Unkonsensual.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I suddenly have a lot of questions for Norway.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I don't know.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
What are you talking about? Those things are just for your hands, aren't they?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Es sieht aus, als ob das jahrelang passiert ist. Ich weiß nicht. Yeah, this is beyond the pale. I really hope one of those things works. Those are your main legal options. But as is his custom, Corbyn also wanted to share a few ideas about, you know, how to cope with the situation, how to work through it on a more personal level. So the first and I kind of love this one.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
ist, deine Geschichte zu nutzen, um für Veränderungen, wenn möglich, in dem norwegischen Gesetzessystem zu drücken. Es klingt mir so, als ob die Regeln um Kindesrechte und Verwaltung, wenn nicht reformiert, dann in deinem Land ernsthaft betrachtet werden müssen. Oder zumindest, dass hier eine wirklich wichtige Konversation zu haben ist. Du hast das zuerst gesehen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Also, du könntest vielleicht irgendwie die Regierung lobbyieren. Vielleicht fragst du vielleicht um Beratungen mit Repräsentanten, um das Gesetz zu verändern. You could, I don't know, write an op-ed about your experience or share your story in the media, at least to just get the ball rolling.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Although you really want to clear that with a lawyer first, before you start sharing intimate details from your custody battle with your ex. I'm not sure how it works over there. Corbyn hat gesagt, dass das nicht unbedingt die einfache Option ist, aber es ist eine Option.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Und es könnte ein Weg sein, den Schmerz, den du fühlst, in potenziell tangiblen Vorteile für Familien in deinem Land zu bringen, nur indem du die Wege zeigst, wie die Systeme wirklich Eltern und Kinder wie deiner verletzen können.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Corbin's other idea, much closer to home, is to consider looking into support groups and other resources for parents like you who have ex-partners who are abusive, who are dangerous. Corbin unhesitatingly told us that you are not alone in struggling with this kind of scenario. And there are probably tons of groups out there with resources, advice, just general support.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
But again, be careful, be discerning when you choose whom to open up to. For example, Corbin reminded us that here in the States... Es gibt diesen Bewegung, den Vaterrechts-Bewegung, den ich ein bisschen darüber gelesen habe, aber nicht wirklich allzu viel darüber weiß. Und im Grunde genommen kämpft dieser Gruppe generell darum, dass Väter gleiche Verwaltungsrechte für Mütter haben.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
Wieder zurück zu Jordan's Punkt über Gerichte, die Corbyns Gefühl ist, dass wir kulturell genug verändert haben in den letzten ein paar Generationen hier in Amerika, dass die Kürze des Bias gegen Mütterinnen und Mütter sich sehr niedrig gemacht hat und dass der Vater-Recht-Movement ehrlich gesagt, in seiner Meinung, extrem bitter und vitriolisch ist.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
I think those are for your hands, but people are just taking it upon themselves to sanitize the general area. You may be right, but let me ask you this.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1118: Son's Safety Vexed by Schizoaffective Ex | Feedback Friday
So he would avoid any people or groups that seek to foster that kind of bitterness or encourage any sketchy behavior on your part. Anything like that while you're going through this. But I'm pretty sure that most resources and communities out there are mostly going to be helpful.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1127: Chaotic Kin Has You Rethinking Children | Feedback Friday
Ja, etwas ist sehr falsch mit dieser Bildung.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1127: Chaotic Kin Has You Rethinking Children | Feedback Friday
Bis zum nächsten Mal.
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1127: Chaotic Kin Has You Rethinking Children | Feedback Friday
If you're ready to embrace the impossible, the Defender is your perfect partner. Be uncapable and ready to go wherever you're headed next.
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1127: Chaotic Kin Has You Rethinking Children | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that's a lot of dogs and cats.
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1127: Chaotic Kin Has You Rethinking Children | Feedback Friday
Oh, thanks for the hat.
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1127: Chaotic Kin Has You Rethinking Children | Feedback Friday
No big deal. Yeah.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I think you guys might also have something with the Facebook posts. We talked about this when we were reading the letter, because that does sound like it rises to the level of defamation and or online harassment. There are laws about that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
That is dark, but it is an idea, isn't it? Something for you guys to consider. Finally, there is something called Victim Services Ontario. They offer legal guidance. They offer emotional support. I would give them a call and see what they say about all of this. They might have more insight or resources to share with you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
So those are the main strategies available to your parents right now, as far as I know. And they have to work all of them at the same time over and over again. until some combination works or this neighbor gets bad enough for them to be there at the right moment to intervene.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
But in the meantime, just having gone through this myself, I'll share a few things that might help your parents cope with the situation, hopefully get through this without losing their minds. So first of all, people experiencing psychosis, especially schizophrenic people, the vast majority of them are not physically dangerous. And when they are dangerous, they're usually dangerous to themselves.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I realize that's cold comfort, but it might help you sleep a little bit better at night. The second thing is, let's just take a moment to remember something that is very easy to forget when a crazy person is targeting you, which is this woman is in trouble. She's in a lot of pain. And like Jordan said, she really needs help.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Now, whether she accepts that help, whether it actually makes her better, that is unclear. Even if you somehow succeeded in getting her hospitalized, she could be back in her house in a few days or in a few weeks. She could go off her medication and things could be back to where they are. They could be worse.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
There's so much you cannot control here, and that is what is so frustrating about these situations. When I went through this with Josh, I was constantly ping-ponging between rage and empathy. And that was really hard when he was banging on my wall and yelling outside my window and keeping me up at night and no one could do anything about it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
It's really hard to feel for somebody when they're driving you insane, but you have to remember that this person is deeply unwell. And as horrible as this is for your parents, it's probably much worse for her, right? Because her reality is a 24-7 paranoid, delusional shitshow where people are targeting her nonstop, which is just so sad.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And making room for that empathy, and trust me, again, I know how hard it is to feel compassion for somebody who's keeping you up at night and making your life a living hell. So I get it. But if you and your parents can stay connected to your kindness here, even a little bit, it really does help cope with the crazy.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah, it's so interesting. It's like, do you want her out because she's driving you mad or do you want to get her help because she's sick? Both. But beyond that, noise-canceling headphones, earplugs, white noise machines, eye masks, you got to get these. I would make sure that your parents have all of that stuff so they can at least get some sleep at night.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
and you did mention that your dad is a little bit of a hothead and he's also probably his patience is being tested he's at his wit's end so if your parents have to interact with her i would really encourage them to be as neutral as possible be very gentle do not provoke her do not fight back It's tempting to do that, but you can't do that. You are not going to get anywhere that way.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I would just beeline from the car to the door, get inside, say as little as possible, ideally nothing, and just stay as far away from her as possible.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
It sucks that they have to adapt, but they have to adapt because they can. By the way, side note about the woman who sold your parents the house. So I looked into this a little bit and it seems that in Ontario, sellers are generally not legally required to disclose a crazy neighbor if there is one. But there are certain circumstances where they have to disclose.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And apparently those circumstances are if the neighbor's behavior has resulted in repeated police interventions, which sounds like is exactly what happened because you said both the neighbors and the cops have said that this has been an ongoing issue for years.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
or they have to disclose if a neighbor has created threats or disturbances that could impact the buyer's enjoyment or safety of the property, which is clearly what's happening here. That could be considered what's called a material fact affecting the property's value or desirability. anything, anything that makes the property uninhabitable or dangerous.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
The other reason that sellers in Ontario have to disclose is if a property is stigmatized due to past crimes, disturbances, or, and this is crucial, ongoing harassment. And that seems to include, and this is also really important, nearby neighbors with troubling behavior. So I wonder whether your parents might also have a case against the previous owner here.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I do too. But I'm also very torn about this because I also feel for that woman.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Well, I'm just not going to say anything and pray that she doesn't pop off when I have an open house. She was dealing with the exact same thing. She just wanted to get out. And if the law doesn't explicitly compel her to disclose, maybe she was just doing what she had to do, you know?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yes. The schizophrenic factor? Interesting. Look, I guess we could argue both sides of this till the cows come home. That's a tough one.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
But then they would have to decide whether to disclose this to the next buyer.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
It would be funny if they didn't disclose the neighbor. They sold the house. They get sued in a couple of years by the next owners and the cycle just keeps happening until this other neighbor died. Just musical lawsuits for the next 30 years.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Ethan Hawke is in that movie.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah. So unfortunately, what I learned from the jaw situation, as you probably know, is that the system is very flawed, very limited. It's overwhelmed. It has a ton of cracks and people like this woman easily fall through them. The sad reality is that people often need to be a lot better or they need to be a lot worse for a situation to improve.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
A lot of mentally ill people fall in this middle ground where.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
can take care of themselves and they're not a true danger to other people and so the cops really can't do anything but then the people who live around them are forced to suffer which again we keep coming back to it's just terrible it's so annoying it's more than annoying it's maddening but this is the world that we live in so i'm hoping i'm praying that this woman either makes a mistake or crosses a line that gives the police or the mental health people a reason to get her evaluated or something changes maybe she moves away on her own
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Maybe she goes through a period where her psychosis calms down a little bit. Maybe she dies, unlikely to happen soon, but you never know. And maybe things miraculously get better on their own.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
But this is a situation where you and your parents are going to have to work every angle hard and give the authorities as much ammunition as possible to intervene, which includes all of their documentation, their camera footage, picking up the phone and calling, writing these reports, all of it. And they just have to take good care of themselves along the way. That's it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Your ratings are going to tank real quick.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
You might get away with it for a month. I can just picture the listing like great view of the topless 60 year old lady dancing on her porch next door while yelling obscenities at my five year old daughter.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
That's one of those Airbnbs that's like, why is it $45 a night for a seven bedroom house in Ontario? Yeah. Like what's wrong with this place? It must have a leaky roof.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I feel so bad for them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Hi, Jordan and Gabe. I'm a junior in high school and involved in the choir program. Last year, I got into a highly selective and competitive acapella choir that travels and competes at state and national competitions. Outside of that, I'm a competitive gymnast and cross-country runner. There are 12 of us in this choir and we're all heavily involved in other school activities.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I was incredibly excited when the directors let me in and worked with my schedule so I could fully commit to the group.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
It's always that, isn't it? It's always like a classic from the 70s and then an early 2000s banger. Yeah, this kid already got into Stanford.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Over the course of the next year, we performed well and had a lot of fun as a group. Then one of the directors left, and the school didn't replace him, leaving us with one teacher. This year, things have gotten strange. This woman, our teacher, encouraged one of my friends in the group to start dating another girl in the group when she knew he was already dating someone from another school.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
She also approached that friend, one other boy in the group, and me, and talked poorly about one other member in our group. This is weird and inappropriate.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
One girl left the choir program earlier this year because she felt like the director was controlling her, asking her to change her hair for the school musical, threatening to cut her from the program when she didn't agree, and trying to tell her which friends to hang around outside of the group. It feels like she's trying to live through us.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Then, one day, she invited me and my two best friends in the group, who are both swimmers, over to her house to get measured for some new performance outfits.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
She asked us to take off our shirts, which was somewhat uncomfortable for all of us, especially because when I've gotten measured for uniform and gymnastics, I haven't needed to take off my shirt before. My friends and I are all religious, and that crossed a line for all of us. It was a wake-up call. Hold up. You are really digging that hold up soundbite these days, aren't you?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
You've been hitting that button hard. Then again, it is Feedback Friday.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I think maybe we should rename the show Hold Up with Jordan and Arbiter and Game is Right because so many letters fit the bill.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
So weird. Gobsmacked is a good word. I gotta say, it's also very interesting to hear of a woman doing something like this. I say interesting. Horrifying. It's usually the male teachers who are the creeps.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
What are you thinking? We've talked about maybe reporting this to the school administrators or anonymously via a school platform. We don't really know what to do, and it seems like the problem is starting to grow beyond just the few people I've mentioned.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Maybe that's what he means, or maybe he just means that the word is spreading, or she's just being inappropriate with a bunch of kids. I see. A real problem. What would you do? Signed, dealing with something bizarre and debating whether to say au revoir when I just want to sing my repertoire.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah, it's interesting. We would never make that joke if a woman wrote it and said her male teacher did this. So it's like, what's the difference?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And on top of it, she's maybe doing this with other kids or she could. So this is bad news.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Dear Jordan and Gabe, about six months ago, my parents, who are 80 and 72, bought their intended retirement home near my family and me in Ontario, Canada. They wanted to be closer to my daughter, their youngest grandchild, have her over for sleepovers and take part in babysitting duties. Unfortunately, their new neighbor is literally insane, possibly schizophrenic.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
and is now making their lives very difficult. At the beginning of my parents' time there, she seemed fine, if a little eccentric. She would keep to herself, often ignoring them. But they could hear yelling at someone or something in her house at all hours of the day and night, and she could often be seen dancing and smoking pot on her front steps throughout the day. Again, weird, but harmless.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah, she doesn't get any 5x7s. No. After that, I told myself enough is enough and filed paperwork to finally enforce child support. A month later, my ex was evicted from low-income housing for failing to pay her rent and has basically been homeless for the last couple months, crashing with friends and family. It's the second time in the last two years that she's been evicted.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
She recently changed jobs again and found a decent place to live that I'm pretty sure she isn't going to be able to afford in the long run.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah. You don't end up in these situations over and over again unless there's something wrong.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Fast forward three months to this past winter. My husband went over to my parents' place to shovel their driveway while they were out of town. And this woman came out of her house and started screaming at him that he was trespassing and going to prison. She had met and talked to my husband a couple times before this, so she knew he wasn't a random stranger on their property.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
But then does somebody who is this out of control have the resources and self-awareness to seek out that help? So it's a tough loop. So he goes on. It's been five months since I submitted the paperwork and she hasn't received notice that she's going to have to start paying child support. I know when she gets evicted this time, she's going to blame it all on me.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I'm now starting to feel a little guilty for making her pay. I don't want the mother of my children to be homeless again. And I also don't want her to be able to tell the kids she thinks it's all my fault because I made her pay. Should I stick to my guns and finally hold her accountable? Or should I withdraw my claim with the state and continue to let her slide?
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1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Signed, torn about whether I wanna kick up even more drama with my kid's mess of a mama.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I agree. And it makes me wonder what her story about all of this would be, because we're only hearing his side of things. And honestly, the facts sound pretty cut and dry. She sounds like a nightmare. But I'm just curious, like, what would she say about all of this, you know?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
She continued to berate and scream at him for a good 30 to 40 minutes about going to prison and being raped and then Wrapped it up with some good old conspiracy theories about the neighbors across the street, chemtrails, the government, etc.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I don't know. Yeah, it's hard. That is the bind that he's in. His guilt is really interesting.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I think there's more for him to know about that response to does he feel guilty because he's actually asking her to do something that she literally can't do and making her already very difficult life even more difficult or is his guilt unwarranted and it's causing him to take on more here than he actually should. And is it actually protecting his ex in an interesting way?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And he needs to look at why he feels guilty for just holding her to a higher standard.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
That's an interesting point. I think anytime we feel guilt, there's something for us to know about why we assign responsibility the way we do. what we do and do not allow other people to experience. And given the extraordinary facts in this case, the fact that he feels guilty just for asking her to pay when he could use the help, that is meaningful.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Okay, but there are no cleaners to take her to. That's the problem. So the question he needs to sit with is the largely symbolic victory of enforcing this child support order more important than not causing more tension in their relationship. My feeling is if he's just being practical about this, if it's really just about the money, it's probably not worth it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
But I understand that you lose something by backing off. The real problem you're facing, it seems to me, is what to do with these very difficult feelings that your ex is leaving you with. Because, look, she's provoking you. She's disappointing you. She's disrespecting you in so many ways. And she gets to be out of control and impulsive and a mess in her life.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And you're the one who has to pick up the pieces. and then you're left to hold all of this anger. So dragging her back to court, making her pay you child support, that is one way to assuage the anger and also maybe, hopefully, theoretically improve your situation.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Their very own Josh, man. This is bringing up a lot of stuff for me. I am so sorry this is happening. This event seems to have unleashed her full crazy because ever since then, she's been an unrelenting source of stress and harassment for my parents.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
But like Jordan said, if she's not going to be able to pay it, which by the way, that can result in a number of actions that could make her life so much worse than it already is. And it's already pretty bad. Having one eviction on your record is already really bad. Having two means she might never be able to rent an apartment again. There are so many implications from not paying child support.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
No, not saying it's his fault. I'm just pointing out a dire situation she is in now.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah. And the implications of not paying child support when a court is ordering you to, that could be anything from getting your driver's license suspended to intercepting tax refunds to being found in contempt of court, from my understanding, all of which... would make her an even worse co-parent to you. So you might be shooting yourself in the foot by enforcing this.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
If she's not going to be able to even pay you this money, then it's kind of an impotent form of working through this rage that you feel. So this is why I really feel for you. Your ex has created a number of problems, but the one that seems hardest to solve is how to live with and how to work through the very intense feelings that her choices are leaving you with.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
That, I think, is where you need to focus your energy.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah. He's going to have to find his own process there. I can tell you that it starts with feeling the anger, really allowing yourself to be in touch with it, not stuffing it down, which, based on your letter, I don't think you're going to have much trouble doing. Yeah, I was going to say, step one, he's absolutely crushing it. Yeah, you're nailing it so far. But then what? You're just angry.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And he's going to have to learn how to channel that anger into other things. I think the best one is taking even better care of his kids to compensate for the very tragic mother that they have. He might also want to channel this rage into his career. He can start developing a physical practice and go to the gym, discharge it that way. He can talk it out with some close friends.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I hope he has a few. There are some healthy venues here, but ultimately... I think he's going to have to do what you did, Jordan, which is make room for his anger and his empathy, as hard as that is. It's an interesting theme on today's episode because he is dealing with somebody who is not quite right. Yeah, no kidding. To put it mildly. Yeah.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
So I'm not just saying focus on your kindness and just let go of your anger. I'm saying be angry and have compassion. And they are compatible feelings. That might also be a huge step toward a kind of forgiveness toward your ex. And that forgiveness, which as we talk about all the time, is a process that could in time help ease this very understandable burning rage that you feel.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
They cannot leave their house without her coming outside to yell obscenities at them or accuse them of trying to steal her identity or trespassing on her property. She makes lewd comments to my 80-year-old father when he's home by himself. If she doesn't come out of the house, she bangs on her windows, screams, and blows a whistle nonstop while they or anyone coming to their house is outside.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Okay, next up. Another common issue is that for these positions, employers generally don't issue written offer letters, forming a harder basis to negotiate. As a college student, these are often the positions I find myself interviewing for given my class schedule, which limits me to part-time work unless I'm willing to work insane hours. Is this common with entry-level positions?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Do I need to adjust my strategy here? Signed, having a think about how not to get hoodwinked when they won't put these offers in black ink.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
She has a blinding security light pointed right at my parents' living room window that is on day and night. My mom had to install a blackout curtain to try and block it out. This is awful.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Losing my mind. And in fact, I did. And I didn't even have a light shining in my apartment. This is horrible. They found this woman's profile on Facebook, and it's an endless stream of incomprehensible conspiracy posts about people out to get her, trying to kill her, drug her, or steal her identity. She's also posted pictures of my parents and my brother with their addresses.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
and comments on how they're going to prison for whatever she's accusing them of that day.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Hi, guys. I was recently scammed by two guys pretending to be buyers for my photography equipment, which I had listed for sale on a Facebook marketplace. They came to my home, pretended to transfer the money to me, and pressured me to hand over the goods, insisting that the funds would take a few hours to appear in my account.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I consider myself knowledgeable about scams, but in the moment, despite realizing that I was being scammed, I still handed over the equipment. Sorry to hear that. I hate scammers. I hate these people. Looking back, there were no green flags, only red ones, but I felt unable to stop what was happening.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Was it because I had already made the mistake of letting two strangers into my home and wanted to avoid escalating the situation?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah, it's interesting. This is reminding me of the question we took a few weeks ago from the guy who got scammed by the locksmith. We were talking about how much harder it is to say no to somebody once they're standing in front of you and the problem is already underway.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
It could, we'll come back to that. I now don't feel comfortable bringing my daughter over there in case she's exposed to this woman. They've spoken with the other neighbors and the police, and apparently this has been an ongoing issue for years, although the neighbors across the street said she's never gone on quite this long before.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Like the psychological costs of telling one to go F themselves and leave are a lot higher at that point than they are when you're texting and you're talking about meeting up or whatever. Yeah, interesting. I know I made a huge blunder by inviting strangers into my home, and thank God they didn't do anything violent to me or my family.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Also, I had a baby just a week before this incident and was already dealing with a lot, both emotionally and physically. Not an excuse for my blunder in any way.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Thankfully, there's a happy ending. I kept an eye on local shops and online marketplaces, and a week later, I found my equipment listed at a pawn shop. I contacted the police, who confiscated everything. Now I'm just waiting for it to be returned to me.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I don't think they did.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Wow. Why does being scammed make you feel guilty and ashamed, even though you're the victim? What is this psychology? looking into the frame around this strange shame when we're not the ones to blame for falling into this game.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I was wondering the exact same thing. I think so, because the cops are not going to reimburse them, right? No. But that kind of sucks for the pawn shop.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
The woman they bought this house from apparently moved because of this neighbor. but nothing was mentioned to my parents before purchasing. That sucks. Oh, that makes me upset.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I think it also makes us realize that we're not always as in control of our lives as we think we are. And not feeling in control can lead to feelings of weakness or inadequacy or fear. And for some people that can be a little shameful too.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And when you get better, I find that the shame ends up becoming an interesting part of the story of how you learned how to do that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
The police said they couldn't do anything about it. They've been to her residence to talk with her many times and recommended my parents speak to the justice of the peace in their town, which they did, and were told they could do nothing either. On the recommendation of the police and the justice of the peace...
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
40 grand, if I remember correctly. But yeah, whatever amount you lose is painful. That was a really interesting story. That was episode 1000, if anyone wants to go back and listen.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Also, getting scammed is a huge blow to our sense of safety, to our feeling of trust in the world. This might be one of the hardest parts of being taken advantage of, right? The hit to your worldview. It's hard to have faith in people after something like this. Now, I don't know why this particular thing would lead to guilt and shame.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Maybe there's some shame around believing that the world is better than it is, and then you feel naive, and then you feel shameful. So I guess there's that naivete piece again. But actually, the more appropriate feeling here is just sadness. I get sad knowing that there are people out there who choose to be criminals, who choose to target people like this.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that's a very fair point. I also think that hindsight bias plays a big role in these stories, and that hurts, too, to look back.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
They put up security cameras and are recording her harassment episodes each time they walk out of their home and have been writing down dates and issues as they happen. Excellent. Glad to hear that. That's key. I feel terrible that my parents are now living like prisoners in their home.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I think that feeling of I should have known better, I should have trusted my instincts, I should have paid more attention to those red flags. There were no green flags, just red flags. That reinforces the guilt, the shame. I also have a theory that it might be one more way to reassert control and feel powerful again.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Because it's like, I couldn't defend myself in the moment, but now on the other side, I can simulate what it would be like if I did do that, or I can imagine how I'm going to react differently next time. And maybe that fantasy helps us cope with the shame we feel of not having handled it very well. Sure. But at the same time, doing the postmortem after you get scammed.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
That's also a crucial part of the recovery process. When you say to yourself, oh, I did actually clock that sign. I thought that thing he said by text was weird. I did get a weird vibe from him on the phone and I still let him into my house. That is very important because what you're doing is confirming for yourself that you were not totally asleep at the wheel.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
They used most of their retirement savings to buy this house mortgage-free and can't afford to pay capital gains and more land transfer taxes to move again less than a year later. Not to mention that moving houses again when you're 80 is just so exhausting and unfair to them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
They plan on consulting a lawyer to see what can be done through those channels. Maybe they can sue her for harassment, but I'm not sure that will stop this woman if she's legitimately unstable. I also worry about her trying to retaliate or escalate to actual violence if they pursue legal action against her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
So far, she's never left her property and immediately goes inside her house when the police show up knowing that they can't enter her home. Unfortunately, my dad has always been a bit of a hothead, so I worry about how long he'll be able to lie low without snapping back or antagonizing her. Also, the use of things like personal tasers or pepper spray is illegal here.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
What's your advice, dark or otherwise, for making their daily lives less miserable? Signed, Surviving This War, with the Looney Tune next door.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Oh man, I second everything you just said. This is such a nightmare. I have lived it. I lived it only for about six months. I'm afraid that your parents, they've already been living with this for about three, four, five months, I think. This is the kind of thing that has the potential to ruin your life to some degree, and I am just so sorry that they are going through it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
I'm afraid I don't have great news. What I've learned about living next to people like this is... It is not easy to get them help or to get them out. And I imagine that it's even harder in Canada where the laws might be even more favorable to people like this. I'm just guessing. and also where the system might be even more overwhelmed than it is here.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Again, I'm not totally sure, I've just read a little bit about this in other ways. But I did Google this quickly, and it looks like the Ontario Mental Health Act has pretty strict criteria for involuntary hospitalization, and obtaining what's called a peace bond, which is basically a court order that requires someone to behave well and keep the peace for a period of time,
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
That can be time consuming, it can be stressful. Apparently a lot of cities struggle to enforce bylaws for non-urgent things like crazy neighbors. There are also privacy laws that prevent neighbors from knowing about someone's mental health treatment, so there are obstacles here. I think you are already figuring this out.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
But I'm afraid that you and your parents do have to prepare for a long road here. But the good news is there are options here. So let's start with some practical stuff. First of all, your parents should definitely up their home security. I'm very glad that they've put up cameras. That's a great first step in addition to documenting everything that's happening, which they're already doing.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah, although she stays inside her house, she's smart. We'll see if that could change. It's only a matter of time. Talking to a lawyer is an excellent idea. That person should be able to advise you guys on all of your options in Canada, in Ontario, what works formally, what works informally, whether a lawsuit would actually help matters or just provoke this woman further.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And even though it's done nothing so far, I would keep calling the police whenever she does something egregious. I wouldn't do it every time she says something weird, just like a minor little thing, because you'd probably be calling every day and they might stop coming out or they'll get annoyed, but...
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
When she verbally attacks your parents, like these lewd comments that she's making, which do seem beyond the pale, or she gets scary, or she creates a ton of noise late at night, something concrete, something extreme, ideally something that maybe could be criminal, definitely call the police.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
So anything related to noise, disturbances, property damage, property upkeep, violations of any municipal codes, all of those are solid reasons to call the police. But The key is you then have to follow up with the police by email with a formal written notice of what happened.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And ideally that's backed up by the documentation that you guys are gathering so that this doesn't just become a random incident report that gets filed away or thrown away and ignored. And it needs to become a formal thing, a formal police report. At least that's what my landlord had to do with Josh here in LA. I'm guessing something similar happens in Canada.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And if enough of these police reports build up, It might make the police realize that this neighbor is a real problem and needs to be evaluated.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Now, while you do that, you also have to contact your local department of mental health or whatever it's called in your area. And you need to do that on an ongoing basis and keep asking them to do a wellness check on this neighbor. This is not just about getting her in trouble to retaliate or to make her life more difficult.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
This is about hopefully putting her in touch with the resources that she needs. I don't know if Ontario will be more or less responsive than we are here in California, but eventually someone should come out and maybe if they're not cops in uniform, your neighbor will be a little more open to talking with them. I don't know, worth a shot.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
There's also something called the Mobile Crisis Intervention Team in a lot of areas. I know it exists in Toronto. Not sure if you guys live in Toronto, but if so, this is a team made up of nurses and specially trained officers that the police can send to calls involving people with mental health issues.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
So when you follow up with the police, I would literally say I'm requesting a visit from the MCIT or the MCIT. Not sure how you guys say it up there. What your parents need to prove, I think, to the authorities, especially any mental health people, is that this woman meets the criteria for at least an assessment and possibly involuntary hospitalization. under the Ontario Mental Health Act.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
And the main criteria are that the person is a danger to themselves or others, and that they have a recurrent mental disorder that is likely to cause serious harm if left untreated. It's interesting. I looked into this a little more.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
The MHA also seems to say that if the person's condition is getting worse, if they're likely to suffer significant deterioration, then that's another criterion for involuntary hospitalization.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Yeah. So that gives me some hope that she does meet that criterion. And that would be something else that your parents should document and that they have to communicate to the mental health folks that this woman is noticeably decompensating. And honestly, everyone is worried about her and she deserves a second look.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
Sorry.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1115: Schizophrenic Spite Dims Golden Years' Light | Feedback Friday
No, but it's funny. People do that too, right? They say like, this is a weird phenomena. And I'm like, it's a phenomenon. Okay. It's almost like it's a phenomenon. I've never felt like more of a pretentious a-hole than I do in this moment. Thank you for pointing this out. You're welcome. Definitely not in my head about it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Hi, Jordan and Gabe. After a long, fraught fertility journey, my brother and his wife, Chelsea, are pregnant. They had a pretty devastating miscarriage, and Chelsea was depressed for a year afterward. Now that they're out of the woods and in the second trimester, we've all been super excited for the new baby, and so happy for them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I've mentioned a few times that I'd like to plan the baby shower or help with it, and Chelsea has declined multiple times, saying she wants to do it herself. My mom wanted to help too, but I told her that Chelsea says she wants to do it, let's not be overbearing.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Then, this past weekend, Chelsea told me that she was talking to her friends about how she basically has no one to help her with the shower, and that her friends thought it was ridiculous that we weren't helping. She told you that? That's a move. I was shocked. I reminded her that I had asked a bunch of times, including just a few days before she talked to her friends, and she declined.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I also told her again that I would love to plan the shower. Then she started talking about how my mom hasn't asked her either and how her own mom is terrible at throwing parties. I explained that it was my fault my mom hadn't asked because I assumed she didn't want my mom helping either. She deflected at that point and said she just didn't know what she wanted when I had asked her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
One of her friends is an amazing party planner, and I would definitely pick her over me to do this, although this friend lives six hours away and has a new baby herself. I wanted to be involved because I love my sister-in-law and my brother, and I'm over the moon about the new baby. But it doesn't hurt my feelings if she'd rather have her friends throw the shower.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
What bothers me is how she's created this story about being kind of a victim in all of this. That we're uncaring in-laws, and her mother won't help her, and she's telling this to people I know.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
This isn't the first time Chelsea has done something toxic.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
She planned her destination wedding right on top of my wedding. That's a move.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
And invited my husband's ex to do her hair for it, despite not knowing this woman well or being a client of hers, when our cousin is a professional hairstylist and was willing to do it for free.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that's a problem, right? That's almost cartoonishly rude. Yeah, that means like I'm going to plan my wedding so that people have to choose between us and only go to one.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
If it were a cousin or a second cousin, maybe I could be like, dates are hard to get or whatever. But your sister-in-law, her husband is this woman's brother. That's weird.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Oh, yeah. It's again, like you said, hard for me to wrap my head around unless our friend and her husband couldn't go to her wedding. So it wasn't an issue.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Or maybe that hairstylist is the only one in their state who can do a perfect twisted updo or whatever. I'm grasping at reasons.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, kind of speaks volumes, doesn't it?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
She's also been such a bully to my sister that my sister wants nothing to do with her. This has taken a toll on my sister's relationship with my brother, who she used to be really close with. That sucks. That sucks.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah. I have a really great relationship with my brother, so it's been better for me and our family to just ignore Chelsea's behavior. Now she wants me to help her friend plan the shower. I can't tell if she's asking because I said she was wrong about not having help, or because she feels like she has to now.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
She's also said some mean things to me about her friend's party planning ideas, which makes me feel like she's likely saying some mean things about me to her friend.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Probably a wise policy. So she goes on, But another part of me thinks I should just let it go. She and my brother have had such a heartbreaking journey, and I don't want to make waves. This is supposed to be about her, and I'm making it about me.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Here we are at the end. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? What's the best way forward? Signed, planning the shower without getting drenched.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Dude, I was on Team Chelsea. I was like, this poor woman, that's tough.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
All of which, by the way, apparently happened before the miscarriage.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
It's not like she can pin all of this questionable behavior on that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
We are hearing that narrative, aren't we, with the whole baby shower thing? Multiple times our friend here offered to help, and it seems that Chelsea couldn't even register that invitation.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
But to your point a moment ago, if that narrative is an essential one to you, then it's probably because you've been hurt in some way. So she must be getting more out of the belief that no one is really there for her than she thinks she would get by accepting their help and having the baby shower that she says she wants.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I think the real question is how do I handle this person in general in my life beyond the shower? The problem with all of this is you guys are walking on eggshells because you don't want to end up on the wrong side of Chelsea. You don't want to make waves. And you also don't want to compromise your relationship with your brother. And I get it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
It sucks that standing up to her might mean not being as close with him. But that's also because he is probably cramping around her, too.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, fair. But he obviously knows that at least one other important person in his life, his other sister, won't talk to his wife anymore.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
And he's probably having to overlook a ton of questionable behavior in order to keep his marriage intact.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
But that's how a lot of families operate. And then everyone else pays the price. Whereas if he were willing to say, honey, I love you. I am here for you. I'm on your team. But I'm seeing these things in my family. There are a few things you need to look at. I think your relationships with my sisters could be better. You seem to have this narrative that they don't want to help all of that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
If you can see it, she might be forced to actually confront some of the stuff if you were to say that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Right, absolutely. It's like you're kicking up more data, even if you don't get the outcome that you want. But what you just said is so important for every kind of relationship, because all relationships go through conflict and tension, and they could always be better. But what you just said is so true.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
You have to risk provoking somebody else and letting them deal with the feelings that you stir up. And then you also have to risk provoking yourself and be willing to bear the feelings that you kick up inside of you and the ones you have to bear on their behalf. in order to find out if the relationship has the potential to improve. I think that's just one of the hardest things to do in life.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
It's kind of a key skill.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Man, that is a great metaphor.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Also an excellent point.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Which version of distant do you want?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
You know, the more we talk about this, Jordan, I am thinking that maybe it would be wise of her to stick with the baby shower planning and just knock the baby shower out of the park so she can give Chelsea one big gift and show her that she was really there for her in exactly the way that Chelsea said she wanted, which would not just buy her goodwill for when she decides to have this difficult conversation.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
but which potentially could rewrite this narrative that everybody abandons her. That's just going to remove one huge objection from Chelsea so that when they do sit down, Chelsea can't turn around and say, I was right. You did exactly what I said you would. You know, this party could be a very useful thing. It might also be the right thing to do.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
And then after that's done, then they can sit down and talk.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
It's a great instrument, though. I like the sound coming out of it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Thank you. Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Thank you. Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Dear Jordan and Gabriel, Two years ago, my wife became close friends with another woman. We also hung out with her and her husband regularly. In that time, I suspected something was off. My wife often took private calls with this friend, and once, during a party, I had to force open our locked bedroom door and found her friend leaning against it while my wife was in the ensuite bathroom.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Oh, that's my emergency meth. I just I didn't have a time to take a micro nap today.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
On another occasion, my aunt went over to their house to do their laundry for them. Yes, she really does that. Oh my god. And asked where their son was. They said they had been up all night having a little fun and had to have someone pick him up to get him out of the house because they couldn't take care of him.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Addicts who can't even do their own laundry. I know, the gall. Can't separate the whites and the colors.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
These freaking people, man. They also have one of their friends living with them, rent-free, of course, who recently got out of jail for God only knows what. This person is dirty, but I don't think is dangerous. With the kids in the house? Needless to say, this is not a great environment for my four-year-old cousin. I truly feel that there need to be repercussions for their erratic behavior.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I know that if my cousin's wife finds out or even thinks that Brad's mom called TPS, she'll immediately pull her son away from her, which would break her heart. I also worry because I don't know if a foster home is going to be a better environment than where he is now. He's loved, he's fed, and my aunt does everything she can to get him out of the house as much as she can.
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1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
But I know he's going to have some core memories that are questionable at best.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
The math here is tricky, man. I've tried to talk to my family about this, but our unspoken family motto is to just shove it down and never talk about the things that are uncomfortable.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Interesting theme on today's episode, eh? This is kind of like how the family's dealing with Chelsea, right? Yes. I want to do what's right by my little cousin, but don't know if it's even my place to step in. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We have super stable and successful jobs, and we have no children of our own.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
We've contemplated taking my cousin in to provide a more stable environment, but also don't feel that it's our responsibility. We also live three states away and wouldn't even know where to begin with that process. What should we do? Signed, listen to our chagrin as the next of kin, or take it on the chin that my little cousin is growing up in a den of sin.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
You're referring to the fact that I tried to rhyme cousin with sin? Yeah, yeah, that is tragic. Or you're talking about the letter.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I never received a convincing explanation of what they were doing.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that these two stories are playing out side by side in the same family is somehow, it just heightens the tragedy, doesn't it?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, it is fascinating, right? She did say that he has really low self-esteem, which makes sense if you've never had to work very hard at anything. I think that's a common outcome.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I think not having that fully formed personality, not having any purpose or trajectory in your life, that can be its own kind of wound.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that's got to be one of the things he's numbing with his addiction.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
As far as I can tell, man married to woman, yes. Okay, got it. So he goes on. To understand what was happening, I recorded our bedroom for a couple of weeks and even at one point involved my 17-year-old son as I suspected that he had witnessed them kiss.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
The other option is you could talk to a few other people in your family and put together a little intervention of sorts. I mean, you could literally say, look, I know our family tends to sweep things under the rug. I get it. I don't want to deal with this either, but I am genuinely worried about my little cousin. I'm sure you agree that he deserves much better than this.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
And I can't just stand by and watch his parents do cocaine all night and neglect him and put him in contact with shady ex-cons and pawn him off on Aunt Marley's all the time.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I feel very strongly that we need to sit down with Brad and his wife and talk to them about all of this and encourage them to get clean, to make them understand that the whole family sees that they're in trouble, that they're hurting their son, and that if they don't change things, we might have to intervene more strongly and nobody wants that. And I would really love your help in doing that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, and who knows? Maybe their family will be very grateful for this. They just need a leader. It'll take some leadership on your part to get your family to help you, but they might also fall in line when they see somebody who has the courage to do it. So I think it's worth it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Oh, God, what an image. Yeah. Wow. I didn't even think about that. They're like roommates and he has to hang out with this creep who's in their house. Look, my understanding is that CPS tries to keep families together as much as possible. So calling them does not automatically mean that your cousin would end up in a foster home.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
If they decided that he couldn't live in the house anymore for a period of time, I think the more likely scenario is that they would place him with Brad's mom, which is probably the best place for him, and if for some reason that's not an option, they would probably try to place him with you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I'm assuming someone in the family is going to be able to take your little cousin, and the system would try to reunite him with his parents as soon as possible... That might be conditional on regular drug tests or something like that. So this doesn't necessarily mean that you would be destroying your cousin's life or anything, if you called.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I do think we need to talk about whether to take your little cousin in yourself. I don't know. I would hold off on pitching that. I think you are hesitating as well. I completely agree. Not your responsibility, even if you do love him. And if you don't want to be his guardians, you shouldn't. He's not your child. He's their child. And it's incredibly sad. But that is the reality of the situation.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
It would also be a very long and complicated process. It would probably involve Brad and his wife's support. I mean, they're going to have to agree to let you be guardians, I think, unless there's some criminal investigation or CPS intervenes or something like that. It doesn't sound like you're going to get that. So as we often do with stories like yours, we just have to acknowledge that
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
that there is a timeline where Brad and his wife continue to be far from perfect parents and their son grows up with some very real issues. And you guys have to watch that play out.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
And another fascinating theme of today's episode, you're going to have to bear the sadness and the anger, the grief that come with that and just be there for him however you can and stay close with him as he gets older. It is so tragic. It's almost hard for me to put words to, but it is not your tragedy. And there is a practical limit to what you can do here.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Did he just ask him to, like, keep an eye on mom in general? Did he just ask him, like, hey, do you know anything about mom? Did you see anything weird?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
My recommendation of the week is Bose noise-canceling headphones.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Look, I've tried a few different headphone brands over the years. There are a lot of good ones out there. The tech is insanely strong now. But I've never found ones quite as good as Bose at this price point anyway. They're not super, super cheap, but they're not obscene either. And they have a ton of different models at different price points. This has been a game changer.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
It's changed flights for me. Just going on an airplane, you need noise-canceling headphones. It makes working in cafes possible. And as you know, a lot to filter out in cafes in Los Angeles when the person next to you is taking a Zoom meeting and the people next to you are watching YouTube videos on speakerphone. I can only survive in the city with my Bose. They're great also for working out.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I bring them to class before class begins. I'm working out with my bows. I kind of don't leave the house without them now. Just a great tool. So I wanted to recommend that for you guys. We're going to link to them in the show notes.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Oh, you must have a more advanced model than I do, because I don't think mine do that. That's cool.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I eventually confronted my wife, and she dismissed my concerns, was very angry that our son was involved, and claimed that I had a mental problem. I stopped recording the bedroom, but I was still suspicious. Months later, I brought my concerns to this friend's husband and was shocked to learn that he shared similar suspicions and had a strong desire to install cameras in his house.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
All right, next up. So our last question today is actually an update on the rubber mallet story from episode 926. Yes, all right. Been waiting for this. So I assume everyone listening right now knows this story by now because we've talked about it so many times.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
But in case you don't, long story short, a listener wrote in some time back because her ex-boyfriend, who was a violent alcoholic, he was physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive. He cheated on her a bunch when they were together. They broke up and sometime later he's out one night with his new girlfriend. She finds out that he's cheating on her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
They get into a fight in the car and then she goes into her trunk and famously grabs a rubber mallet and takes out his knees with it in the street. And then runs him over with her car. Twice. Yeah, that's the part that destroyed us.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yes. And our response was stay away because this guy has got to figure this out himself.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I'm glad you said that because she wrote in. Hi, Jordan and Gabe. When you started your top five countdown on your end of year episode back in December, I wondered if the now infamous rubber mallet story would be included. I couldn't help but smile when I heard it made the list. I'm glad my story made such an impact on you and your listeners.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Definitely a silver lining after such a wild experience to live through. And now the story is immortalized as lore on my favorite show. Truly the gift that keeps on giving. I still think about this maybe once a month. Anytime I see a rubber mallet, certainly. So I thought I'd give you guys a little update on my ex. Our mutual friend let me know that he did end up losing his foot.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
And while his legs don't work well, he is able to walk. He often uses crutches to get around and still experiences chronic pain.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I know, stop. This can't happen again. But yeah, this is what happens when your girlfriend treats you like a house for sale sign. Just bam, bam, bam into the floor, dude.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Despite all of this, he's still up to his old tricks. Old habits die hard, don't they? Womanizing and causing chaos wherever he goes. He's a charming guy, so I'm sure he has some cute quips about his legs to draw women in.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I had hoped this experience would be his come-to-Jesus moment and he would turn his life around, but I guess that hasn't been the case. All the more reason to be grateful I didn't reach out to him last year when all of this went down. Some people just cannot break out of their toxic cycles, but that's his burden to bear.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Your dating coach background is coming out in the darkest way possible. As far as the girlfriend goes, she of the rubber mallet and hit and run, I haven't heard or asked for any updates on where her case stands. I'm just trying to stay out of it now. It's not my business, and I don't want to invite any more chaos from these people into my life.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I have some used ones that are great for this purpose. Sell them straight to him. I'll help you set them up. My son's really good at it. Yeah. Months after that, I finally confirmed their emotional and physical relationship by finding a conversation on my wife's phone that hadn't been deleted.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I have a crazy story to share, and I've chosen to just leave it at that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
And finally, a quick update on me. This last year was a challenging but rewarding one with lots of ups and downs. I was not successful in shielding myself from another narcissistic partner, but I got out of it before it escalated. Ooh, interesting. Good job. It's all learning.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, well done there. I continued my healing journey through therapy and learned many more hard lessons. I've gotten a lot better at setting boundaries, standing up for myself, and not only recognizing red flags, but being proactive about responding to them. I got a great job managing a fine dining restaurant, which allows me to pursue my side hustles of music and modeling.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Wow. Way to cut her down to size, dude. We're just like building her up and then I'm sure she's over there laughing right now. I hope so. And the best news is I just bought my first house. It's been very rewarding to see the fruits of my labor manifest this way, and I'm so excited to put my dream home together.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Huge accomplishments all around. I still continue to listen to y'all each week. As always, thanks for the thoughtful insights, the willingness to be vulnerable, and the intermittent chuckles along the way. Keep up the incredible work, and I can't wait to see what 2025 has in store for each of you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Signed, still staying away from the scene of the crime of my one-time guy who almost died and can confirm he's still total slime. But I continue to climb.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, very. But if he were the kind of person who could do that, then he probably wouldn't also be all these other terrible things. Abusive, cheating, addicted and all this stuff.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I want to say that if you lose your foot and you're in constant pain and you're still not at least a little curious about how this happened to you, then probably nothing will wake you up.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
That's true. It's an interesting question. If you're not consciously aware of something, but intuitively you know that there's something not quite right with your mental health or whatever, it might just be like a constantly low-grade feeling of distress or tension or something like that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
for sure. It is textbook definition of gaslighting. Yes. Her friend's marriage ended immediately. My wife claims that she's sorry and is now helping her friend, quote, as a friend, navigate her divorce. That's where that goes. You are lit up right now. Look at that smile. You're so happy about that soundbite. That's exactly where that goes.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I've been sitting on that one for literally years at this point. Through my initial spying, I discovered that her friend had serious emotional trauma and a history of cocaine use, which had strained her marriage. Is that what they were doing in the bathroom? So they were doing blow in the bathroom. It could be. Potentially. Unclear. They could have been doing something potentially worse.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
What's worse than cocaine?
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1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I discovered that her friend had serious emotional trauma and a history of cocaine use, which had strained her marriage. My wife had taken on the role of counselor for her, which might explain some of the closeness, but it doesn't fully address the betrayal I feel.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I know it was wrong to invade my wife's privacy, and it caused me emotional trauma to do so, but how does one confirm their suspicions otherwise? And should I trust her, that they are only friends now? Signed, trying to discuss whether I can still trust, when my wife is still pretty sus.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah, they sure are. So what you're getting at is, is he questioning his right to feel hurt because this other woman needed support and his wife played that role for her? Is that what you're saying?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Yeah. And it doesn't change the fact that they were getting down in the en suite bathroom, probably or unclear. Now I'm confused about what was happening in the bathroom, making out in the hallway or whatever they were doing.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
But it might be meaningful that he's trying to calibrate his anger a little bit, his hurt, because this other woman needed support.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Oh, this is about the bedroom?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
No. Based on the information you've shared with us, I don't think I would.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Look, unless something changed between them and they've arrived at a new place, which I guess that's possible.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
But given that this was an affair, it's messy and confusing to still be spending time, especially this much time with this person. And if she's saying this because she wants to get back together with our friend here, then continuing to spend time with this woman, not exactly helping things. No, it's counterproductive and disrespectful.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
It doesn't sound like she's doing anything to show him, look, we're not involved anymore. I've closed that door. Sorry. Terrible metaphor, given the circumstances. I apologize for that. But like, I'm in therapy. I'm trying to figure out why I did this. Yeah, she's not.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
I'm still thinking about his son, Jordan. I'm wondering why he involved him, if it was really the only option he felt he had or if there was maybe more to that somehow.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
His son is 17, so he is almost an adult. But still, even if he were like 45 years old and his parents were going through this, I still think a situation like this calls for some boundaries, some thoughtfulness.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
He's like smack in the middle of his parents separation because mom cheated and he potentially knew before dad did. It's messy. Yeah. The other thing that's in the background of the story is the wife's orientation. He didn't comment on that. So I'm not sure if he knew that his wife was into women or if that was news to him. But it is interesting that that isn't a bigger part of the letter.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
Her orientation does not change the fact that she cheated on our friend here. But just to acknowledge every possible angle here, if she is in the process of figuring out her orientation, maybe this affair was part of that. And she's confused. Maybe she's exploring something that's new for her. Again, doesn't forgive what she's done to him. Definitely doesn't justify the gaslighting.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
That's what you get when you book with points.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1138: Her Exposed Bi Affair? It's Over! She Swears! | Feedback Friday
But I guess maybe we can make a little room for the possibility. And it's just a possibility. I could be totally wrong. that his wife is trying to figure herself out, and it's just happening in this very messy, imperfect, and ultimately hurtful way.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. My mom and aunt have also contacted the Italian consulate in London and New York. contacted the police in the county where we believe Julia is, and written to every nursing home listed in the county she's in. Because we live in the UK, we can't afford to just fly out and knock on the door of every nursing home in New York. At 105 years old, the clock is ticking.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
We're desperate to see Julia again and want her to know that she hasn't been abandoned. It's too cruel to get to such an amazing age and not be surrounded by family. How else can we try to find her? What would light Jordan and Gabe, and also dark Jordan, do? Signed, something peculiar about what they've done with Julia.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Oh, yeah, couchsurfing.com. I do remember that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Corbin said there is one last nuclear option here, which is you could file a lawsuit in New York asking to be named Julia's conservator. Now you'll need to prove that Julia is either being harmed or neglected or is in imminent danger of being harmed or neglected. That's how the court allows for these arrangements.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
That's how it works in Tennessee anyway, where Corbin practices, but that's my understanding in most states. Also terms like neglect and harm, they have very specific legal definitions.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
The ordinary sense, and also like in a general ethical sense, it sounds like Monica is not taking the best care of Julia, but that doesn't mean that she's neglecting or harming her in the legal sense of the term, especially if she's in a home, then she has a roof over her head. There are people looking out for her. So it's hard to say if you would be successful here. Also, this would be a process.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
It would be quite expensive and it will almost certainly destroy any relationship you have with Monica and anyone else in the family who sides with her. But Again, I don't know how much of a concern that is for you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Okay, next up. Dear Jordan and Gabe, I recently received a message out of the blue from my cousin's ex-wife. Let's call her Megan. This was odd, not just because I've barely ever spoken to her, but because this cousin, her ex-husband, molested me as a child. He was a child at the time, too.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
That's the mortar and pestle that they make the guacamole in?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Seeing this message raised a lot of complex emotions for me as I'm currently dealing with another immediate family member being investigated for similar actions. Megan was apologetic, but I couldn't help but feel that there was a motive behind her outreach.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
She claimed that she tried to advocate for me, but was berated for being a quote-unquote bad wife and not standing by her husband for something that boys do. She went on to say how enabling my aunt is and how my cousin has always played the victim.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
I feel a knot in my stomach when I think that by minimally responding with appreciation for her acknowledgement and shared confusion for the family dynamics... I'll be fueling a drama-seeking wounded ex. I've worked very hard to heal through integrative therapy, meditation, microdosing, and bodywork. I have a wonderfully sensitive and courageous husband who continually shows me what men can be.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
We have two children, and I love my life. I'm grateful to be in a place where this memory has lost the power to harm me. And yet, I'm triggered by the negligence of Megan's approach. I'm grateful to her for acknowledging the wrong and reaching out to express her feelings, but I'm not sure she considered my feelings, what this would bring up for me, or if I'm in a place to receive this bomb.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
I'm also confused because there's no relationship to heal between us. I'm not interested in forming a relationship based on a perceived common enemy or within a live divorce, and I honestly don't want to know what's happening between them. How can I respectfully establish a hard boundary while still coming across with respect? Is she using my past to create a negative narrative for custody?
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
How do I close this open loop? Signed, thrown by her tone and all these unknowns, when I've already grown and I'd rather she leave this alone. Besides, does she want to atone or just bemoan her own woes?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Wow. Were you sitting on that the whole time? That was nice. No comment. I love that, though. That was a good remix of a classic.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
It's also possible that reaching out to you is a way for her to assuage some guilt she feels about not holding her ex-husband accountable, not calling out her mother-in-law, not being more supportive to you while they were together, which, sure, that motivation might ultimately be more about her than you, and that would be something else she
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
probably could have acknowledged in her message, but that doesn't mean that it isn't also about wanting to be kind and genuinely wanting to apologize and heal your relationship, even if this is not a relationship you feel needs to be healed. None of this means that you're wrong for feeling weird. I'm just saying maybe stay open to a few possibilities here, like Jordan is saying.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
But I got to say, Jordan, from where I'm sitting, she is 100% allowed to not engage with this woman if she doesn't want to. You don't owe her anything, especially as it relates to this very painful history. It's your history primarily. It's not hers. So if you don't want to talk to her about it, that is absolutely fair. And you could literally say, hey, Megan, thank you for reaching out.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Thanks for sharing this. I'm sure you're coming from a good place. I can hear that you're having your own experience of my cousin, but. respectfully, this is not something I'm super keen to talk about. It's painful, it's private, it's something that I've worked hard to move on from, so I'll just have to leave it here, and I hope you're well. It really could be as simple as that.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
But before you do that, maybe just take a beat and decide if you want to know more about Megan's intentions here. Maybe you don't, and end of story. But I also don't think there's anything wrong with saying, hey, just so I understand where you're coming from, Why did you reach out to me now? What were you hoping to get from this conversation?
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
I just want to understand that better before I decide whether to talk about it after all of this time. And again, I just want to stress this. There is zero obligation to do this. I'm just telling you that it's fair game. And it might give you the information that you need to decide how to feel about all of this. Because look, Megan might, in fact, be a good friend to you through all of this.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Or she might be oversteppy and meddlesome. And yeah, maybe she has her own agenda here. Or she might just be really tone deaf and misattuned and just doesn't have experience talking to people who've been through something like this.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
I also wonder if what was difficult about Megan's message wasn't just her clumsiness, but having to be in touch with some difficult feelings again, and then wondering, I feel very triggered by this. Am I really as healed as I thought I was? Do I really have all of this sorted? Which I think is very normal.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
You said in your letter, I'm grateful to be in a place where this memory has lost the power to harm me. And now all of a sudden, I wonder if it feels like this memory does have the power to harm you because of what Megan brought up in her message. I can imagine that would be unsettling.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
The anger that you feel toward Megan for the negligence of her approach might be warranted if she really is not being very thoughtful, or maybe if she does have some ulterior motive, but it's possible that part of your anger is simply about being in touch with this wound again at all.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
And yes, that is one more reason that Megan should have been way more thoughtful about how she framed all of this, or maybe should not have reached out to you at all. But it might also be a reason for you to meet this reaction that you're having with a little more curiosity, a little more compassion.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
And to remember that even if you're in touch with this wound sometimes, which is not entirely under your control as you're finding out with this message, that doesn't mean that you haven't made massive progress in your life. or that you're somehow in trouble, or that you don't have the tools to process this pain, because you do.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Yeah. That's hilarious. And the servers at the restaurants always make such a production out of it, don't they?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Okay, what's next? Dear Jordan and Gabe, my older brother Dave has had a rough life. He was misdiagnosed with ADHD at six years old, and he was bullied throughout elementary school by both classmates and teachers for being different. The bullying got so bad that when he was in the fifth grade, my mom decided to pull him out of school and homeschool him.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
This did not go well because my mom was wildly inexperienced and unprepared to teach grades six through 12. As a result, Dave never earned his high school diploma or GED.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
When Dave was 15, he got into legal trouble after fooling around with the girl next door. He was let off with probation, and the incident did not go on his permanent record. nor was he required to register as a sex offender.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
But this experience devastated his self-worth and gave him severe social anxiety. I trust him with my life, and I don't believe that he's a threat to anyone. At 19, Dave was formally diagnosed with high-functioning Asperger's syndrome.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
He found some peace by volunteering at our local humane society, and after he turned 18, they hired him full-time in animal care. Though he no longer works there, he still works in animal care, which seems to be something he enjoys. But at 27 years old, Dave still struggles with self-control and personal responsibility. Interesting.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
For example, he needs reminders to take showers, brush his teeth, and put on deodorant. He lives with my parents and spends most of his money on things like Legos and video games. He won't get his driver's license because he's terrified of driving, so he takes the bus to work, or sometimes my parents drive him. Dave shuts himself in his room.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
In social situations, he usually sits in the corner and scrolls through his phone. He's very socially anxious, and it's clear that he struggles to connect with people. I largely blame my parents for not setting him up for success, especially my mom. She's a covert narcissist, and my dad is a pushover.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
They still defend their decision to pull him out of school, and they aren't doing anything to help him move forward. I believe in Dave and think he has the potential to live independently and support himself, but my mom disagrees.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
I think about that a lot. And I think also about how that burden so often falls to the person's siblings, which is very intense. It's not fair. No, it's not.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Yeah. Absolutely. Let's come back to that. So he goes on. Since I was 16, my mom has been practically begging me to take care of Dave when they can't anymore. She breaks down in tears every time she brings it up.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Yeah.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Totally agree. I'm actually very impressed that you're strong enough to be able to say, not so fast, I have a life too, I can't just orbit around Dave forever. Yeah, good for you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
While I love and care about my brother, and I'm not opposed to putting in some effort to help guarantee his well-being, I've just had my first child and I want to grow my own family without Dave being my primary focus. I've suggested that my parents enroll him in an adults with autism program to help him get on his feet, But they refuse, insisting that it won't help.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Right. I'm so curious to know what the parents have to gain by keeping Dave close. Narcissistic supply for mom. Is that all it is? Yeah. Or letting someone else in would mean that they have to admit that they can't do it all themselves?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
But this is just putting him in a program that any adult with autism would benefit from. It's not necessarily an indictment of them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Then they don't. So it's about they need to feel needed. It's not that it won't help.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
I think they're afraid that it will help. But then they also want their other son to take care of him. When they die. Or when they slow down. Unclear. But yeah, you're right. My parents are in their 50s now, and they're starting to slow down physically. How do I make sure Dave is set up for success when my parents can no longer take care of him?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
How do I handle this with my parents, who are set in their ways? signed charting a course to get my rents to endorse some helpful supports so they don't just outsource my brother's care to me, of course.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I agree that that's slightly less urgent, but it actually is very important in Dave's case because it sounds like he has really severe social anxiety and it does not sound like he talked to anybody after that incident with the neighbor. Apparently that whole experience left him with some serious issues. The severe anxiety is probably very scared of other people.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Sounds like it was traumatic for him and for the victim. And that might be holding him back from building his own life in all sorts of ways. So if he could talk to a therapist, I would love that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, highly recommend checking those out. I think they're going to give you a running start on all of this. Now, look, I know you're up against a lot with your parents. You're up against your mom's apparent narcissism. You're up against your dad's passivity. You're up against their general rigidity about all of this. I'm sure all of that comes from God knows where the deep stuff comes from.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
But it sounds to me like there's a lot of fear and guilt, denial, and probably just feeling totally overwhelmed after years of this. But it's going to be an obstacle to getting things done. So when you talk to your parents, I would try to understand their feelings as much as possible. Make them feel heard. I know it's difficult, but your empathy for them is key.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
And I think it could slowly lower their defenses and make it safe for them to start at least imagining other ways of taking care of Dave. So before you go in there and start pitching solutions, you might want to make some space for them to talk about how they feel without being judged. Talk about why they're resistant and just listen and try to validate that for them.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
You could be like, look, I hear you. The future is overwhelming, mom. I get it. I understand you, Dad. You don't want anyone else taking care of Dave. That kind of thing. And I would reassure them that you want to protect Dave as much as they do. And you're not going to let them fail or fall into trouble once they're older, once they're gone.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
That's probably really important for them to hear from you. And then, when the time is right, you can work up to saying something like, look... I know it's hard to imagine anyone else caring for Dave the way you do. I get it. But the best way that you can protect him is to put these supports in place now while you guys still have a say.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
And just imagine how much peace of mind that's going to give you to know that everything is in place no matter what. And that's also going to really help me take care of Dave the way you guys want me to. And then you can tell them that you'll be their partner in doing all of this. You'll help them every step of the way.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
And wherever possible, that you'll involve Dave in these decisions about his future because... that's also the right thing to do, and that will also be empowering to him.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Oh, my God. So they both made it her problem and did not equip her to do the job they wanted her to do. Got in the way of every single solution. Basically what's happening with this guy right now. That's infuriating. Poor Bev. Another thing you can do, you can share some stories with your parents. Hey, I read about a family online that you could tell this story that Joy just told, honestly.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Have them call my mom. Yeah. Get Bev on the line. She'll sort this out in 15 minutes. You could say, look, I've read about families online that didn't come up with plans. And when the parents had a medical emergency, their child ended up bouncing around, feeling unstable, feeling confused or worse. And it really opened my eyes to how critical this planning is.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Or I listened to a podcast from a family that did this and they did it really well. And it inspired me to start thinking ahead. And I realized that this is totally doable. Both of which, by the way, we encountered while doing our research for this. So I'm sure you'll find stories like this too.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, and on that note, I would also go back and listen to episode 1016. There was a question, I think it was question four on that episode. We took a letter from a guy who was also wrestling with how to get his family to best care for his autistic brother. And interestingly, there were a lot of parallels with your brother's story.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
I think on that episode, we shared some ideas and resources for helping a special needs person become independent and take good care of themselves. So I'd give that a listen too.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
It's a little tight, but whatever. Hold on. I'm just catching up to this visual. So you and this Saudi guy. Yeah. And his sister.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Who's about 100 pounds lighter than me, by the way. I'm filling this thing out, but whatever. You look like a maester in Game of Thrones. And he just like, you guys are now hitting the town and you're dressed like a Saudi man. This is incredible.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Hey guys, for the last few years, I've worked in sales for a roofing company. I was recently set to receive a five-figure commission, but right before I was due to leave, the company fired me. I complained to my bosses, and they basically told me to get bent. I then requested a copy of my employment contract, which I had signed but didn't have a copy of, and they told me I had no contract.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
I reached out to a lawyer buddy of mine, and his view was that because there's no employment contract, the non-compete clause that was a part of the contract also doesn't exist. So I called up all my clients, told them what happened, convinced them to leave my former employer, then walked those clients about a mile down the road into a brand new job with my former employer's main competitor.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Stiffing me on a five-figure commission cost my former employer almost half a million dollars in potential business over the next three to four months and shredded their credibility with other contractors in the community. Meanwhile, I'm probably bringing in about $1.5 million in new business to my new employer over the next period.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
And not even for a good reason, just because they don't want to pay him like 12 grand in commission. So ridiculous.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
What a picture.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
The day after all of this went down, my old bosses magically found the contract. Of course they did. Yeah. Oh, here it is. Right in the drawer. But my lawyer friend and I told them that they've repudiated the contract and we're out. My lawyer told me that he spoke with their attorney and that attorney could barely keep a straight face as he threatened to sue us.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
My friend thinks that any judge that they would bring this in front of would throw my former employer out on its ass, and the attorney knows it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Plus, this is such a big hit to the business that they now have an existential crisis on their hands and they can't focus on this. Just wanted to share my story with you guys in case it makes you laugh. Maybe it'll also give your listeners some ideas for what to do when an employer screws you over. signed reshingling my own roof while making myself bulletproof.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Yeah. And it's not just these customers. It's also his lawyer friend, right? That's a crucial relationship.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Also, yesterday you were American and today you're a member of the richest oil producing nation in the Middle East.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that makes sense.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
So weird.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Wow. So they basically had to like con the dad into thinking it was his idea for them to meet and get.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Oh, OK. That's such a weird end to that story.
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1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
So strange.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Dear Jordan and Gabe, my great aunt Julia has reached the incredible age of 105 years old. Dude, that is so wild. That is so old. I mean, congratulations. I know one person who's over 100, but he's in rough shape and we don't kick it. Imagine having a 105-year-old person in your family. It's so cool. She lives independently in an apartment in New York while my mom, aunt, and I live in the UK.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
She's still sharp, but profoundly deaf. The last time I saw her, she chatted away about all sorts of things, was energized by politics, and always had a lot to say. Over the last few years, we've kept in touch with Julia through her son, Joe, due to our loss of hearing. It's a really important relationship.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Julia's sister, my grandmother, passed away in Italy during COVID, which was heartbreaking and reignited the importance of keeping in touch with Julia. In recent months, though, our correspondence with Joe ground to a halt. We sent Julia flowers on her 105th birthday, but didn't get a response. We reached out to Joe and were blanked.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
After much internet research, I found out through his employer's website that Joe had passed away. We hadn't been told, even though he has children who could have easily contacted us. We all started to panic about who was looking after Julia and how she was coping. I found out where Joe's funeral was and wrote a message on the funeral home's memorial page. Joe's daughter, Monica, saw it, but
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
she didn't respond. My aunt was eventually able to get an email address for one of Julia's neighbors, and the neighbor sent us a very distressing message. She said that Julia had come to see them shortly after Joe's death, crossing a busy road on her own to get there, to say that Monica was going to put her into a home that she didn't want to go to.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Monica lives 300 miles away from the home, so she would be unlikely to visit. Once Julia had moved to this home, the neighbors asked Monica where she was so they could visit, But Monica refused to tell them, saying, quote, she had been through enough and it would stir things up too much for them to visit. That makes me angry. There was clearly some bad blood there.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
The neighbor said that Joe had established three people as power of attorney over Julia before Monica, and they weren't sure why she was able to do this.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
That's really sus. Good point. Also, you would think that she would be thrilled that people want to visit Julia considering that she lives so far away. That should make her life easier, right? It takes the burden off of her if she doesn't want to spend time with Julia. What does she have to gain by keeping her hidden away? I don't get it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
Or Julia knows something else about Monica that Monica doesn't want people finding out?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1124: Your Aunt's 105 — But Is She Dead or Alive? | Feedback Friday
We've obviously tried to contact Monica. We've even been texting Joe's phone and we can see that the messages have been delivered. After a couple of weeks, Monica replied to one of my messages saying Joe is dead, which clearly she knew we knew. Right.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Multiple family members who probably had their own conflicts around parenting, the parentification he himself went through, potentially the loss of a stepmother figure because his father didn't want to have more children, which I imagine sent him a few loaded messages. And then there's how all of these people were communicating about all of this, which it sounds like probably not very well.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
So not to beat a dead horse here, but I think his no-kids stance is a lot more complicated than just, I want to hang on to my money, I don't want the responsibility. And talking about all of that in therapy, that would be worth doing no matter where he lands on the kids question, just for himself. Maybe he grows and heals so much that he views parenting differently.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Or maybe he grows and he still doesn't want to be a dad. Or maybe he just doesn't grow at all. Or maybe nothing changes. Right. So for our friend here, you need to make peace with the idea that your partner might not change in the exact way that you hope. And even if he does, you can't fully control his process.
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1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
And just make sure that you're also taking care of yourself here because your interests are just as legitimate as his.
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1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Okay, next up. Dear Jordan and Gabe, my sister's mother-in-law, let's call her Eileen, recently lost her husband only to inherit $500,000 in debt. For the past decade, Eileen and her late husband made questionable financial decisions to obfuscate assets and minimize child support for his daughter from the previous marriage. which he already couldn't afford.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
His ex-wife seems to have made it her mission to ruin not just his life, but now Eileen's as well. All of this comes just weeks after Eileen lost her brother. She can't afford a lawyer unless she sells her house, but she can't sell the house due to pending litigation.
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1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
To make things worse, she's leaning heavily on her son, my brother-in-law, to talk to her lawyer for her and handle this mess that she essentially dumped in his lap. She's now considering fleeing British Columbia, Canada and going abroad to dodge the debt. Now that my brother-in-law has gotten involved, he's worried about his own legal exposure.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
He's already consulting his own lawyer as well as his dad's estate lawyer. We're really close, so I want to be there for him, but I don't want to get caught up in this. Eileen is also a recovering addict. She's been clean for several years, but my brother-in-law is afraid that this added stress will cause a relapse or worse. How legally exposed is my brother-in-law for getting involved?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
How bad could this get for him? Should he just step back and let his mother deal with the storm she created? Would talking to the ex-wife help at all, or is the damage too great? My brother-in-law is a hothead, so this could backfire badly. If Eileen fled the country to Canada, what potential legal fallout could the rest of the family face? And how far away should I stay from the situation?
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1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Signed, looking for a truce and avoiding the noose of this unpaid floos. Floos? What's that? It's Arabic for money. It's one of my favorite words that my grandparents used to use. I just, like, lodged in my brain.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Do you know the word bakshish? I love that word. My dad uses that word all the time. Bakshish. It's like a little bribe or a little friendly bribe or something to lubricate a deal. You like throw something in there.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
You know, what's funny about that word, just to nerd out on this for a second, is a variant of that word ended up in British English because of their involvement in the Middle East. There's a word, Bakshi, which in informal British English means free of charge, like Here's a buckshee whiskey or whatever at the bar. It comes from buckshees.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I'm also just thinking about what this woman has been through up till now. She loses her brother, then she loses her husband. Now she's in a legal battle with his ex-wife while trying to settle an estate and sell a house while also managing her recovery, which might be at risk.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Like you said, Jordan, this is a lot for one person to deal with, even if she did have some hand in bringing this drama about. I wonder if wanting to flee the country is not just a way to dodge this debt. It's not just a practical thing. It sounds like it's also a way to run away from this overwhelming situation, which Aaron said, not going to make anything better.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
It could actually make things a lot worse.
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1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Whether she flees to Portugal or just flees into her bedroom and closes the blinds and buries her head under the pillow, metaphorically and literally. Until the sheriff knocks on the door. Yeah. Yeah, it's a problem. So my feeling is, look, our friend here can get involved and try to help if that's what he wants to do.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
You could take a backseat and just be available as a sounding board for your brother-in-law, or you could actually step in and assist more if you think you could engage in a way that the others can't or something. Karen said you are not putting yourself at risk with respect to any liability for the debt or any judgment, but this process could take years.
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1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
So her general thought for you is consider your circumstances, consider your capacity to assist before you jump in, because once you're involved, it might be hard to walk away until this thing is over. Your brother-in-law, on the other hand, his responsibility is more complicated. Eileen is his mom. The obligation is different from yours.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
And what happens with the estate, that also directly affects him and also your sister. Again, he's not putting himself at risk by getting involved, but this is obviously a highly contentious, very stressful situation. So one way to help Eileen is with the legal stuff, yes.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
But maybe the more impactful way for him to help her is to encourage his mom to take on this responsibility, to not run away or bury her head in the sand. Give her some courage, give her some confidence to work toward a resolution here, or at least ask somebody like a lawyer to help her find that resolution.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
So maybe he checks in with her more often and makes sure that she isn't dodging phone calls or mail or paperwork. Maybe he makes sure that she's going to meetings if she works a program or he goes to meetings with her or just makes sure that she's staying sober. Maybe he can enlist a few other relatives who can help keep an eye on her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
It sounds like that's the kind of support that Eileen really needs more than anything.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
It's like, let me give this ex-wife who's angry that you didn't pay her child support for the last 15 years. Tell her to calm down a little bit.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Hey, Jordan and Gabe. I'm a 30-year-old divorced father of a 6-year-old child. As a millennial, I was among the first generation that grew up with ubiquitous access to the internet. I remember being with friends and seeing things I should not have seen at a young age. So I'm acutely aware of how unrestricted internet access can do harm. Oh, seriously.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I mean, porn aside, do you remember Rotten.com? Rotten.com. I do, unfortunately, remember that website. Just wall-to-wall autopsy photos, that website. And worse.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Furiously Googling. No, don't do it. I'm not going to do it. Just really horrific photos. There's some weird stuff on the Internet back then, man. The 90s Internet was wild. Different place. So he goes on.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
While my parents did an okay job teaching me the risks of using the internet at the time, the landscape has changed dramatically, and I often feel concerned for my daughter's safety in the coming years. I foresee many talks with her about digital footprint, talking to strangers online, cyberbullying, etc. I don't want to fearmonger, but I do think that a healthy fear of the risks is a good thing.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
What are some tools and strategies that I can use to teach her about internet safety now while she's still young and in the future as she grows up? Signed, Taking the Right Steps to Protect My Girl on the Interwebs.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
What is that?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Just incremental progress.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Thank you. Thank you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Okay, what's next? Dear Jordan and Gabe, I am a bird catcher. Bird goes into store, store calls company, company dispatches me, I go catch bird. Okay, got it. You're a bird catcher. I'm going to start describing our job like that. Do's hits person, person writes inbox, inbox goes to show, we catch do's. We are do's catchers. Do's catchers. The job is great.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
The company, meanwhile, takes any opportunity it can to roll costs onto the lowest workers. Side note, I wonder what makes the job great if the company sucks. Yeah. Does the job look amazing? Maybe catching birds is just super therapeutic. I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Just you and the animal, but you don't hurt them. You get them out to safety. That's right. Yeah.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
How many cockatoos do you think are flying into Barnes and Nobles?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Not selling a lot of cookbooks though, are they? Okay. Nice. So he goes on. There are about 120 of us out in the field all across the US, 10 or so regional managers, some IT and dispatch, and then about 10 at the top calling the shots, which we call the inner circle.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
All of the company's communication is over video or phone, and I've only ever met maybe nine of my coworkers in person, most of them just once. This model has produced a very fractured company, and there's a lot of language in the handbook that makes that seem intentional.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
For example, we're allowed to contact coworkers only through approved apps, so the conversations can be monitored, and any discussion of company matters outside this method is considered backchanneling. and grounds for termination.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
So it's hard to know exactly how every employee in the company is treated, but here are some common themes. We get half of the going rate for mileage and I drive 50,000 miles a year on my own car. Employees have been asked not to report overtime. We don't get holiday pay. We don't get vacation or sick time.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
We don't get paid unless we catch every bird and another bird doesn't enter the store for the next 48 hours. This is called a revisit and it happens about once every six jobs for me, which is average for the company.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I'm trying to figure out, they're catching the bird, right? They're not having a neighborhood meeting with all the birds in the area, telling them not to come back. Like it's their fault if the message didn't stick. I'm so confused about it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
One time, I was even denied pay after a bird entered a store well after the 48-hour window.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
When I brought this up to my regional manager, they were told by the inner circle to tell me, that was our decision. I responded, I understand that, but I need to know why that decision was made as it affects my paycheck. The response to this was, that was our decision and we consider the matter closed.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Come on. I requested a meeting with anyone in upper management and was denied. I don't know if I have any recourse because even though I work full-time hours, I think I'm technically freelance or a contract worker. I tried looking up some labor laws, but I don't know if they apply. Oh, they apply.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Is my employer bound by its home state's laws, my state's laws, or the laws in the five other states I work in? How do I pass the information along about what rights we have to the other employees without triggering some sort of anti-union response? Signed, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless that bush is near a commonly used door. That was all him. He came up with that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Hi, Jordan and Gabe. I'm 32, and my 33-year-old husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for five. I grew up in a small town and understood that getting married and having children were my primary goals early on. We dated for a bit, and when I told him that, he broke it off because he didn't want kids.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I think now we know for sure why they don't want their employees talking to one another.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Famously, Floridian law allows for assault of your employees. That is such a Florida law.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Which makes me wonder, is that why they're so scared of their employees talking? Because they know that they need to be across this and they don't want to deal with the headache of tracking all of these different laws and rates and protections and stuff across all these different states. Is it possible that this is more laziness than malice?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
His reasons for not wanting children were he's seen a child complicate a marriage that ends in divorce twice, financial stability, freedom, lack of responsibility. He was a parentified teenager at 15 years old helping raise two half-sisters from both sides of the family. And his dad was married to a woman who wanted children and his dad didn't. So she ended up leaving him for someone else. Oof.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, good point. As for how to tell your colleagues about what rights you guys have and try to hopefully avoid triggering some kind of anti-union response, I am not sure that you can do that. Like we keep saying, this is probably exactly what your company is afraid of.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
And once they get wind of this, they're probably going to want to shut it down or convince you guys not to band together or speak up or compare notes because it just seems to be their MO.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
If you're going to tell your fellow bird catchers about what you've learned and push your company to make things right, I would prepare for a little bit of a fight. You're going to have to be willing to take some heat if you really want to make a change here. The good news is a growing number of states have prohibited employers from forbidding employees to discuss their pay for this reason.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Again, this does differ state to state, but it sounds like the law might be very much on your side here.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Nice. Who's the pretentious a-hole now? Thank you. Look, I know like one of these every six months. No, this is great. That really helped even out the scales on the whole Buxy digression.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I appreciate that.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Okay. Interesting.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, they're going to be reading the AI transcript on that video chat app that they have and be like, oh, attorneys general. This guy's been doing his research.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
By the way, the other advantage to reaching out to these labor boards is if your employer is violating any laws, then you would probably have some whistleblower protections and you'll be on firmer ground. But just know, even if you do have whistleblower protections, you can still be fired for cause, unfortunately.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
And if you work in a state where employers can prohibit employees from talking about their salaries and stuff like that, yeah, again, this could be considered a cause. Just want to give you all the information.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Great for him, bad for the company is what I meant.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, no, I'm a little confused myself. It's not really a reason not to have kids. It's just an example in their family of another couple that wanted different things, right?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Howdy, Jordan and Gabe. Two months ago, I started dating a new guy. He's communicative, kind, and funny, and he makes me feel very comfortable in my own skin. A very new and relieving feeling for me. The problem is, he doesn't brush his teeth regularly. It's a huge turnoff when I see food or whatever stuck in his teeth. Ooh, Gabe, this is your nightmare.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Gabe needs to schedule a therapy session after this. Yeah, I'm just like texting my dentist. Squeeze me in for a bonus. He's talked about getting them clean with his new insurance. That's great, but irrelevant if he doesn't maintain brushing. There's another issue, too. He seems to be very insecure when it comes to relationships.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
When we first started talking, he told me a lot about himself and rarely asked questions. Not to show off or be macho, he seemed more concerned about me liking him. Not secure enough to be curious about me.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Okay. All right. He says he's someone who needs to be pushed in the right direction. For example, the teeth. So this is about the teeth again. My resentment is now building, and I'm becoming annoyed. It feels like I'm mothering him a little. I've been single for many years and have a low tolerance for nonsense. When I date, most of my relationships don't even last three months.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I know I have to work on my empathy and patience. But is this something I need to wait out? Is this a normal feeling? What else should I do to view him in a better light? Or should I just start over? Signed, scraping the tartar off this relationship before it decays. Oh, man.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, all of which makes me wonder why exactly he makes her feel so comfortable. Look, I totally hear her that he's kind, he's funny, he's communicative, and he might be like a wonderful guy in every other respect. And some combination of these qualities, maybe just his overall vibe as a person, that is nice. And it's new for her. She described it as a relief.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Although actually now that I'm thinking about it, Jordan, I'm having a little bit of a hard time squaring the whole he's really communicative thing. And it's like a relief to be with him thing with some of these other qualities. Like he often makes it about himself. He needs to be pushed to do things. He doesn't always understand or care how he comes across. I'm just like, it's confusing.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Maybe he's made more room for her as they've gotten to know each other. So yeah, fair enough. That's the case. But I guess what I'm wondering is why does this guy who's clearly annoying you now, who's making you resentful and who makes you feel like you're mothering him, why does this particular person also make you feel so comfortable? Why is that such a relief?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Just something maybe to explore because there might be something about this dynamic that on one hand is maddening and on another hand maybe is familiar and gratifying.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, I appreciate that reason of his the most out of all the reasons on that list. So she goes on. I was devastated by that, but ultimately told him I could compromise for now. We got back together and we've had a wild ride of fun and adventure and our life has truly been awesome. Lots of camping, mountain biking, fishing, etc. across two states.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Okay, I hear that. That could totally be what's happening. But still, for someone who's been single for many years, who says she has a low tolerance for nonsense, who says she needs to work on her empathy and her patience... It sounds to me like she's being pretty empathic and patient with this guy.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
So it's just curious to me that she's finding so many competing experiences in the same partner, like comfort and resentment, attraction and annoyance, this impulse to mother and also the impulse to let him be or even to leave this relationship. So whenever those conflicts exist in the same relationship, I think there's something more to know about the dynamic.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I really like that approach and I totally agree. They do have some important stuff to talk about. I don't know if it's necessarily game over, but yeah, there's a way to kind of blame the other person and say you need to change and there's a way to open up a larger dialogue. So given all of that. I find her other question, what should I do to view him in a better light?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I think that's a really interesting question.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
In her mind, there are two options. Either she adjusts herself so these problems of his don't seem like problems anymore, or she leaves. Not a lot of room for conversation in there.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
It might be. And do conversations like this even feel possible for her? Does she feel like there's room in her relationships to say, hey, I really like you for this reason and that reason and that reason. And I'm also concerned and a little annoyed about this and that other thing. And I want to talk about it. To be able to have that conversation, which let's recognize not always easy, right?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Every year or so, we would do a quick, do you want kids conversation? And the answer was always no, because we were having fun. We stopped checking in around the time we got married. I wanted children the whole time, but it would have been a difficult conversation and served as an emotional ripcord. So I didn't pull it.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
It can be intense. It can be scary. It can be uncomfortable, even if it's something as quote unquote small as brushing your teeth, of course. But to be able to have a conversation like that with a partner and to tolerate the feelings that an honest conversation about these qualities is going to bring up.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
That can be the difference between having relationships that only last a few months and having relationships that evolve and deepen and last for months or years. So I wonder if that's one of the things underlying her pattern to either be single for long stretches of time or to have short relationships.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Just this willingness to confront and work through these things as opposed to either contorting yourself so that things don't bother you, which... never ultimately works or giving up quickly and leaving and being single. So you don't have to deal with this kind of stuff at all. Like you said, Jordan, maybe these conversations with her partner are successful. Maybe they're not.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
It's going to require both of them to want to take this stuff on, but it sounds like just giving it a try would be a really big step for her. And if he doesn't meet her in the same spirit, or if he agrees with her, but he doesn't make any changes, then she'll know whether she's leaving because she's avoiding something or because this guy is not ultimately the right person for her.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
You... read my mind i was also thinking i just also really want this guy to floss and rubber tip if you can get him to but that's rather besides the point rubber tipping slow down gabe let's get this guy shoving a toothbrush in his mouth for 60 seconds just a couple times a week then we can talk about rubber tipping whatever that is we'll work up we gotta go from the couch to 5k but with his mouth
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
What is that called?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Before you know it, you'll be moving it around. That's right. I don't know, man. I'm just thinking about this dude's gums. Those things must be in rough shape.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
As we've aged, I've worked on my personal and emotional growth. I can honestly say I am the most healed version of myself today, and my former self is almost unrecognizable to me. Oh, I know the feeling. I now know for sure that I'm ready to be a mom. I feel it in my bones.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I told my husband that yesterday, and he received it with compassion, but was emotional, because his immediate reaction was, f***. Oof.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Or was it like, I'm guessing it was because the party's over. Yeah. He's never wanted children, but is now torn between a life with me and a life without me. He's doing everything to try to understand if this is a future he wants, really trying to make a responsible and well-informed choice. He's great that way. but he's not a naturally nurturing person. And I am.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I'm concerned that he'll convince himself that quality doesn't matter or that he can figure it out. And I don't know if that's possible. I haven't seen him be nurturing of his own accord outside of times of distress in a decade.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Very distressing. That quality is going to come out. Exactly. Yeah. Pop one out. I'm also the more emotionally apt person in our relationship, and I do a lot of teaching with him about understanding and validating feelings. His, mine, other people's. That's fine with me without a child, although it's annoying sometimes.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
But I'm concerned that he doesn't know this about himself, or won't acknowledge the impact that this could have on a child and on our marriage. I'm worried about feeling like I'm teaching two children about caring for themselves and others' emotional lives. Should we have children? How do I navigate this decision? Signed, debating whether to reproduce when my dude's a bit obtuse.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Is it my job to induce, seduce, or simply deduce that creating a youth is not his pursuit?
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Different genre of the cajole. That's right. Cajole, nonetheless. Not the vibe you want when you're creating another human life.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Hard agree. This worries me. Obviously, I'm thinking about the question we took a week or two ago from the couple in their early 40s. Do you remember them? The ones who lived in Central Europe and they were trying to decide whether to have a child. It's funny, Jordan, because our stance there was we can't really tell you whether you should have kids or shouldn't have kids.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
You guys have to decide for yourself. But the facts in this story are much starker. As soon as one partner is mostly a no on this decision, I'm with you. I can't really imagine wanting to proceed. My only caveat is this.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
If your partner is interested in unpacking his conflicts around having kids, maybe coming to a new understanding of them, potentially changing his views about having children, there might be a process worth exploring here. You're 32 years old.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
You don't have a ton of time to spend waiting for a partner to catch up to where you are, but it's also not your last chance to have kids in the next year or two. So if you're willing and if he's willing, then maybe you guys explore some of these concerns. Again, if they're things that are actually resolvable for him, maybe they're not.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
I can't quite tell from your letter whether your partner is saying, look, I was parentified as a kid and I had to raise my sister, so I find the idea of being a parent again really hard and I want the rest of my life to just be about me. Which, just to be clear, that is a fair stance. He has every right to feel that way.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
But that's different from, I was parentified as a kid and it really did a number on me and it's made me wary of responsibility and I'm afraid of making my own child have to go through something like that, whatever the impacts of that childhood were for him. But maybe I can work through some of that. Maybe I can learn how to be a different kind of parent.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Maybe I can find a new relationship with responsibility that doesn't feel as scary or doesn't feel as suffocating. Completely different. So my question is, how fixed is he? How open is he to talking about this stuff? Ideally in therapy, maybe also in couples therapy with you. Does he view these things as just unchangeable qualities? This is just the way I am.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
These are my firm beliefs and they're non-negotiable. Or is there some openness there? So that's my caveat. You might have a little time to talk through some of this stuff, but it'll still be a gamble whether he comes out the other side as a yes. So I think you have to ask yourself if you're willing to spend another six months or a year or more as he does that on his own or with you.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
And maybe the answer is I can't afford to do that. I know enough now to know that this is probably a no and I need to prioritize myself. Not telling you where to land, I'm just giving you a couple options here.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Yeah, that's a good point. Like you would think he would look at that and go, wow, this issue can really divide a couple. I better look at this and see if I really don't want kids so I don't lose my partner unnecessarily.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
Honestly, what I'm hearing in that list of reasons is that there's a pattern in his family of ambivalence around having children and also people paying the price for that. He's also seen a child complicate two marriages that ended in divorce.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
1136: Marriage on Skids If You Can't Agree on Kids? | Feedback Friday
We don't know exactly what that means, but then also he was thrust into a father role when he was a teenager, which might also speak to his parents' inability sometimes to properly parent his sisters and also his parents' failure to protect him. These are all very real, very interesting wounds.