The Jordan Harbinger Show
1155: Love Could Be Dandy If He'd Quit the Nose Candy | Feedback Friday
Fri, 16 May 2025
You're dating a man whose cocaine-fueled paranoia transforms ice cream and hiking into evidence of your infidelity. Welcome to Feedback Friday!And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected]. Now let's dive in!Jordan's must reads (including books from this episode): AcceleratEdFull show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1155On This Week's Feedback Friday:You fell for a charismatic nomad with a troubled past who seemed healthy when you met, but he's spiraled into cocaine addiction, extreme paranoia, and concerning behaviors like threatening violence against imagined rivals. He suspects you're cheating when you eat ice cream too quickly (!), and you're wondering how to help without enabling. Can love survive such toxic suspicion?You're a manager who's been secretly placed on a team that will reduce the workforce by 50%, all while your company celebrates record profits and expects you to share this good news with employees. You've signed a confidentiality agreement but worry about betraying the trust you've built. How do you sleep at night knowing what's coming?Your lifelong best friend is experiencing a series of legitimate crises and you've been their primary support. Their problems have become "life or death" situations that leave your nervous system shot and recovery time non-existent. You want to help without completely burning out. Is there a middle ground between abandonment and self-sacrifice?You've been thrust into managing contracts and vendor relationships after layoffs, despite having no procurement background. The workload has exploded, you're drowning in unfamiliar terminology, and fear asking too many questions might get you fired. With your husband unemployed, quitting isn't an option. How do you fake it until you make it?Recommendation of the Week: Quest Protein ChipsYour adult children have moved 1,700 miles away to states with more affordable housing, leaving you grief-stricken despite their success. You've always been devoted to your own parents and expected the same in return, but now face the prospect of aging without nearby support. How do you reconcile your expectations with their independence?Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]!Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi and Instagram @gabrielmizrahi.And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors:Airbnb: airbnb.com/hostBetterHelp: 10% off first month: betterhelp.com/jordanAudible: Visit audible.com/jhs or text JHS to 500-500Land Rover Defender: landroverusa.comHomes.com: Find your home: homes.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: How does cocaine addiction affect relationships?
You just discovered it?
Yeah, I discovered something that all children know about. Yeah, I was never good at it as a kid because I was just out of shape. I was a normal Midwest couch potato growing up. And I decided to jump rope. And day one, I was like, this is so difficult. I do not want to do this. And on day two, I realized that the workout I did on day one that I really couldn't even barely finish was too easy.
That's how fast I started to progress in this. Day three is like the same. It's like, oh, I'm going to do five minutes instead of two minutes. It was crazy. And it's wild how fast your body adapts. Yeah, sure. Maybe I was a little tired on the first day or something, but it's absolutely bonkers how fast you get better at this. And it doesn't have to be brutal. It wasn't like I'm not heaving.
I don't feel like barfing afterwards. I really encourage you all to give it a try because There's so many people out there that are like, oh, I need to improve my cardiovascular health, but running sucks, and I don't have a pool to swim in, whatever. Just try jumping rope. You just need cheap PVC jump rope. They don't kink. They travel well. They're super cheap.
And even the ones that aren't cheap that are really good, you can grab one of those. It's going to last you for the rest of your life. Get a custom length one if you find that they're too long or too short for you, if you got that sort of weird body type like I do. I think it's just a game changer. I had a health exam recently and my resting heart rate was quote unquote too low.
And they're like, oh, this is bad unless you're athletic. And I was like, I'm athletic. And I thought, huh, I wonder how low I can get my heart rate because I don't run. I don't really do any of that stuff. I get cardio during my workouts just from other things. And I thought, what if I just did something cardio specific?
is kind of like a fat burn every day or five days a week, and this is what I chose. And I'm really interested to see how over time this works for your heart. The other thing that jumping rope does is it's good for bone density.
Most of us don't think about, but hey, I'm 45 and I'm a guy, my bone density, according to my DEXA scans, went down just a very minute, almost imperceptible amount that could actually be statistical noise. But they were like, eh, just in case it's not, you should jump rope. And that was another reason why I picked this.
So especially if you're a female and you might end up with the whole osteoporosis type stuff, jumping rope is even better for you for that reason too. So even if you don't need cardio, jumping rope is good for bone density and that is something that all of us need. And if you're young, Build that bone density while you can.
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Chapter 2: Can setting boundaries help with a partner's addiction?
Yeah, I hear you. But man, count your lucky stars that you are not having a child with this guy. Just imagine how much worse this would be with a kid in the mix and you've got a cocaine addicted husband. Yeah, no.
When I went back home, all hell broke loose. He started doing lots of cocaine to the point where it seemed like he had completely lost his mind. He would get high after he finished work and go into manic episodes about me cheating. He would stay up till 4 or 5 in the morning calling me a hundred times and texting me insane stuff.
The evidence of me cheating became more and more far-fetched to the point where I could see no logic at all. But to him, it was completely obvious. He would also tell me things like he can't go home because cars are following him, that he has to buy a gun, and that he was going to put a knife to the throat of men that he thought I might have cheated with to find out the truth.
Oh, God. This is dark and this is scary. That is crazy.
That's when I started thinking about you guys and what you would tell me to do.
Oh, what did we tell her to do, Gabe?
I'm so curious. Virtual Jordan and Gabe. I decided to set boundaries. I wouldn't talk or text with him when he was high. It's not easy to ignore him, but I tried. I focused on taking care of myself, working out, eating healthy, sleeping well. When Adam brings up feelings in a mature, sober way, I listen without judgment and never tell him that he's crazy or anything. I'm always honest.
I don't even tell white lies.
Solid advice. Okay. I think we crushed that.
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Chapter 3: What are the signs that a partner needs professional help for addiction?
Meanwhile, I'm not a party person. I've tried weed. Didn't like it. I would never try any stronger drugs. I used to enjoy a beer every once in a while, but now that I've seen what addiction can do to a person, I enjoy a glass of cold water even more.
That sounds like my kind of party these days, too.
Just bring a jump rope. We got ourselves a rave.
Exactly. A jump rope and some spindrift.
When Jordan and I get together, we rail lines of H2O. Yep, just toss a pack of Pedialyte on a mirror and chop it up and go to town. You know it's good when it burns. Jordan is about two element packets away from checking into Passages in Malibu for an electrolyte addiction.
It's what plants crave.
I'm aware that I might have to leave Adam for my own good, but I'm not willing to give up on him just yet. I really love this man. I think we can be really good together. I come from a really good family, and I know Adam would fit in perfectly with them. I have questions about that. Depends on the family. I'm willing to help him in any way possible, but not enable him.
The past two weeks he's been clean from cocaine, except for one relapse.
Let me stop you once again. So not clean for two weeks. I just want to be clear about that. He's been clean for two weeks except for one relapse. So he's been clean for X number of days. That's all that means.
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Chapter 4: How can Al-Anon support loved ones of addicts?
Or he might be experiencing something even more severe like psychosis, which can be brought on by drug use. And it's also violent. That's what worries me the most. Yeah, that freaks me out. I mean, you hear yourself, right? He wants to buy a gun. He's calling you hundreds of times, even if you're exaggerating what it's dozens and dozens of times at four o'clock in the morning.
He can't stay clean for two whole weeks. He's threatening to hold men that you talk to at knife point to find out if they've been cheating with you. How's that going to go down? What if he's hopped up on cocaine, somebody decides that this guy's trying to kill them, and they get in a fight, and he ends up stabbing and killing someone?
Or I hate to even imagine this, I know he hasn't done anything like this before as far as we know, but who's to say he's not gonna snap and get violent with our friend here who's writing it?
I mean, yeah, that's what I'm worried about.
Yeah, especially if he continues to decompensate. I mean, it's not that big of a jump from cars are following me and you're cheating on me to you are the one who's arranging the cars to follow me and you're trying to kill me. Okay, that's not that big of a leap. There's just so many red flags here.
And the point is there's no indication whatsoever that he's serious about addressing this stuff, about getting sober. I know you know that. What I get the sense you aren't fully aware of is this complicated dynamic that's developed between the two of you.
Where Adam goes off the rails, pardon the pun, and you respond by managing his anger and his paranoia and reassuring him and letting him go through your phone and pushing him to get help, forgiving him, holding out hope that he'll improve. Now, to be fair, you have made some important adjustments, okay? I really commend you for that.
These new boundaries, your ground rules, making sure you're taking basic care of yourself, all of that is super helpful. It's important, so that's great. But it doesn't change the fact that Adam is in serious trouble and that you're left managing and holding a lot of his anxiety and pain, that this whole situation is all kinds of dysfunctional.
What I want to encourage you to start appreciating is that you're both getting something out of this situation, or more to the point, you're both working something out. Like you said, when you met, you guys just clicked, but it's clear that your puzzle pieces fit together in ways that go beyond just basic chemistry. What Adam is working out, honestly, I'm not entirely sure.
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Chapter 5: How do managers handle confidentiality during layoffs?
but it turns into a hallway and then he turns around, grins and goes, okay, put your hands on my shoulders, duck your head down, pull your knees all the way in. The next thing I know, we're riding through someone's living room, not even kidding, like actually someone's living room to get to this little courtyard kitchen where this auntie is making pho that'll just ruin your life.
No pho will ever taste as good. And Vietnamese egg coffee upstairs on the balcony. I don't even know how to describe it. It's like tiramisu and espresso had a beautiful caffeinated baby. Short trip, chaotic, absolutely incredible. And I can't wait to go back and bring Jen next time because I know she's going to love it. And next time, we'll put our place on Airbnb to help fund the adventure.
You can too. Airbnb makes it super practical, it doesn't take a lot of effort, you set it up before you leave, and then boom, your house is earning money while you're on vacation and making memories. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash host. This episode is also sponsored by BetterHelp.
Therapy used to be this thing people only talked about in a whisper. Thank you. Whether you're dealing with stress, relationship stuff, you're just trying to become a better version of yourself, there is a therapist for you. And if you don't vibe with the first person you match with, no awkward conversations, switch therapists anytime, no extra cost.
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All right, next up. Dear Jordan and Gabe, I'm a manager at a plant in the US and I've recently been put on a team that will be consolidating production and reducing the workforce by 50%. This isn't a huge surprise as we can see the workload slowing down and we're building equipment in Asia where we sell over 80% of our product.
The problem is that we had a record year, $15 million over plan, the largest year our company has ever had. We just got off of a leadership meeting where they touted this and told us to take this information back to our team. I can see other people on the consolidation team pretending as if nothing bad is coming, even lying or dodging questions that get asked about our site.
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Chapter 6: What should you do if your job's confidentiality conflicts with personal ethics?
I like that. The script, not the body slamming everybody without warning. And if some of his employees read between the lines of what he's saying, or this is interesting because he said that it's very clear that 80% of their business is in Asia and certain trends are moving in that direction. So they should also maybe be doing some of their own math.
And that's an interesting question, like which employees... figure out how do the dots connect, but also if they pick up on some subtext and this little script that you just shared, which is also kind of a skill, I think he's still okay. And then he might also help them without doing anything wrong.
And maybe that's his way of taking care of his people while still towing the party line.
Yeah, exactly. It is a delicate dance, though, isn't it? Because there's a version of that script that, you know, he delivers with a wink and a nod. And that wink and a nod could end up being the same as saying, yeah, half of you are screwed. I don't know which half. So start updating your LinkedIn profiles.
I'm not saying he shouldn't be thoughtful about how he delivers this. But if his employees do pick up on something and word spreads about layoffs and his bosses come to him like, what the hell, man? Did you tell your people what's happening? He's going to want to be able to say, absolutely not. They asked me if everything's OK. I didn't reveal any details.
I feel like that should be his guide here, what he would want to be able to defend if he had to. The other thing I would do is keep investing in your relationships. Even if you can't tell your people what's coming, you can be a solid leader. You can be a supportive colleague. You can listen to your team's concerns. You can advocate for them where you're able. You can help them build new skills.
You can give them endorsements and recommendations. You can subtly prepare them for what is next.
And when these layoffs do go down, you can treat them well, you know, compassionately. And you can communicate this decision in a way that's kind. And you can look for ways to help them land on their feet. All of that is totally under your control.
Exactly. The way you treat these people in a time of uncertainty, that's what they're going to remember, not just the fact that you were on the other side of the table. And while you do that, keep investing in your relationships outside the company, too, because you never know what's coming. Not to make you even more anxious, but you're seeing how a big company operates.
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