The Jordan Harbinger Show
1127: Chaotic Kin Has You Rethinking Children | Feedback Friday
Fri, 14 Mar 2025
Can kids you plan to have ever be safe around an uncle who chased a trans child with a chainsaw and put your fiancé on a kill list? It's Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected]. Now let's dive in! On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Your fiancé's uncle is dangerously unstable, lives with his grandparents, abuses his dog, threatens neighbors, attempted to attack a trans child with a chainsaw, and put your fiancé on a literal "hit list." Would raising children anywhere near this ticking time bomb of a human being be an irresponsible dereliction of parental responsibility? Your 27-year-old daughter has a master's degree but refuses to leave home, has no interest in dating, shows hoarding behaviors, and sits on your bed every night to "emote" about her life. The lack of alone time is driving a wedge between you and your spouse. How do you push her out without breaking her? The couple you've grown close to over two years has just revealed their relationship began online when he was 23 and she was 14 — a situation serious enough to trigger a deportation. Now they're 30 and 21, leaving you torn between your moral concerns and the meaningful connection you've built. Can you reconcile your ethical unease with the value you place on these long-standing friendships? Your mature 15-year-old daughter doesn't want to spend her court-ordered 75 days a year with her controlling father who restricts her freedom and communication. She'd rather pursue summer school, work, and volunteering. You support her wishes but can't afford a lawyer, and ignoring the custody agreement means contempt of court. What happens when the system fails the very child it's meant to safeguard? Recommendation of the Week: Instruments of a Beating Heart The cold, uncaring machinery of the workplace demands your undivided attention despite the sudden death of your best friend. Surrounded by painful reminders and well-meaning but clueless colleagues, how do you honor grief and survive the 9-to-5 grind when your emotional support system is the very person you've lost? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi and Instagram See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: What is Feedback Friday and who are the hosts?
Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. As always, I'm here with Feedback Friday producer Gabriel Mizrahi. Old Fifty Shades of Gabe over here. Nice. I like that one. Not that you don't know what that's a reference to, but maybe you don't know why I'm saying it now. I don't actually. What is this?
So, a bunch of people in the subreddit are like, oh, Gabe should narrate erotic novels. Oh, okay, got it. Yeah, it's something to consider if the whole podcasting thing doesn't work out. You know, it's hard to make a living podcasting. I'm gonna add that to my LinkedIn. Looking for work, just not specified. W-E-R-K. That's right. I don't even know why it's funny to say W-E-R-K, but it just is.
Everybody knows what I mean. Everybody knows. I don't understand. Everybody knows but me, and I'm the one that said it. On the Jordan Harbinger Show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you.
And our mission is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker. We have long-form conversations with a variety of amazing folks. Former cult members, astronauts, cold case homicide investigators, Russian spies. This week we had Richard Reeves, president of the American Institute for Boys and Men, on the struggles that men are having these days.
I know a lot of people are probably going to say, what are you talking about? What about women? Turns out there's a massive gender gap. It's just actually the other way around. Hey Leute, ich bin dieses Sommer verheiratet und bin überrascht darüber. Ich liebe meine Freundin sehr und während unsere Beziehung weit von perfekt ist, sind wir aus unseren Schwierigkeiten stärker als vorher.
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Chapter 2: How do you handle a family member with a violent past?
Wir beginnen auch Prämarital-Counseling, welches wir beide gegenseitig als etwas, das wir brauchen, um sicherzustellen, dass unser Verheirat auf dem stärksten Fuß möglich ist. Ja, das ist eine gute Idee. Ich mag es. Jedoch gibt es ein wachsendes Problem mit meinen Vizepräsidenten, die 20 Minuten von uns entfernt leben. Für Hintergrund, ist meine Vizepräsidentin Mutter 10 Jahre alt.
Sie war die Kugel, die die Familie zusammengehalten hat. Und als sie verflucht war, begann es, die Dinge nach unten zu gehen. Oh yeah, that's totally reasonable.
What the, that's psycho. That's not what I expected at all. Wow.
He's never been violent toward us, but he's also quite up there in age and can barely get around his house without falling, so we're dealing with a different guy now. One of their sons, Steve, has lived with my fiance's grandparents for many years to help care for them.
He's the reason his parents are not in an assisted living facility, but he also has what appears to be undiagnosed bipolar disorder with quite apparent manic and depressive episodes, and he was never able to hold down a solid job. Wow. Wow. Luckily, no one was hurt. The police were never called about the incident. Steve also apparently created a hit list of people he plans to kill.
And my fiance's name was on it because he, quote, makes too much money and doesn't spend time with him, unquote.
Oh my God. This is terrifying. So this guy's legitimately out of his mind and dangerous. Legitimately.
Wow. Yeah. Nichtsdestotrotz hat das meine Freundin erschrocken, die sehr leistungsfähig ist, also hat er sich in ein Sicherheitssystem für unser Haus investiert und wollte eine Schottenwaffe für die Home Defense kaufen. Ich kann mich daran erinnern. Ja, ich kann mich daran erinnern. Das ist das gleiche Headspace wie Jordan nach dem, was vor zwei Wochen passiert ist.
Er ist ein Armeeveteran und hat mehrere Feuerzeuge, so wie ich. Wir haben beide unsere versteckten Beherrschungsvermögen und obwohl wir nicht die Typen sind, um Gewalt zu suchen und hoffen, dass wir uns niemals verteidigen müssen, We do carry firearms in certain circumstances due to the area we live in and recent events.
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Chapter 3: How can parents encourage their adult children to be independent?
Yeah, super weird that he attacked my son with a chainsaw. Man, somebody should do something about that guy. But, you know, it's lunchtime and they're probably not going to answer the phone. I mean, how do you not immediately dial 911 and have this person? He didn't have a good hat. He didn't have a hat. He didn't have a hat. I'm really at a loss here. Like, okay.
The family is obviously protecting him. She did say that Steve is the reason the parents are still able to live at home, which, okay, I'm happy for them. I'm glad he's good for something. But he's also kicking his dog. He's going after children in the neighborhood with a chainsaw. He's barricading himself in the house with an arsenal of guns.
He's threatening to kill multiple people, including his nephew. Because he makes too much money, which is totally ridiculous. Understatement. Is it really worth protecting that guy so Meemaw and Pop Pop don't have to eat frickin' mashed potatoes in a nursing home? I don't think so, Bob. I don't think so.
So, look, just to cut to the chase, if it's true that you wouldn't trust Steve around your dogs, you absolutely should not trust him around your children. End of story. The guy's mentally ill and dangerous. He's untreated. He's unstable. He has weapons in the house. He has a kill list. Your fiancé was on it. Why? Again, because he makes too money and he doesn't spend time with me.
The guy is a lunatic, okay? If I had a family member like this, I would never go over there. It's too risky. You don't owe this person anything. This is somebody you notify the police about. In fact, if I was your fiancé, I would do just that. Not just for your benefit, but for all the other people and animals this guy might hurt. He could have killed that kid. Easily. It's a miracle he didn't.
And what if he had? A child would be seriously injured or dead or maimed. He'd be in prison probably.
Now, I know things have cooled down a bit, the cowboy hat did the trick, but that doesn't mean Steve's not going to have another episode, isn't going to come up with some new imagined grievance, or wake up one day and decide that he's mad you guys didn't visit him on Easter, or that you're making too much money again. This could happen without you guys even knowing it. That's the thing.
You're lucky you knew about the kill list at all. The next time you just might not. And you might find out when you walk in the door and get shotgun blasted by this psychopath. So yeah, I'm pretty adamant about this. That house is not safe for you. It's not safe for your fiancé. It's certainly not safe for your future children. Even if it is, it's not even worth the risk.
Why would you roll the dice on this? And if that ruffles some feathers in your fiancé's family, tough Kischka. This is so beyond the pale. It's insane that you're even debating whether to go over there. I mean, Dark Jordan's just like, burn the house down.
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Chapter 4: Should you maintain friendships with morally questionable individuals?
Und wie du gesagt hast, ist das nicht fair für dich oder deine Frau. Es ist sehr wichtig, ein Kind zu individuieren, aber es ist auch sehr wichtig für Eltern, den Zyklus des Beten für ihre Kinder zu verfolgen.
Sie sehen sie in die Welt gehen, in eine neue Phase ihrer eigenen, wo sie zusammen sein können, ihre Freiheit genießen und ihre Aufmerksamkeit zu neuen Zielen und anderen Beziehungen verändern.
Ihr seid auch hier versteckt. Die Sache ist, dass deine Tochter das sehr schwierig macht. Sie schlägt auf Verteidigungen, Smokescreens, wirklich, links und rechts. Du sprichst über die Entfernung und sie ist so, oh, das ist mein sauberer Raum. Ich habe meinen Raum, Fluffy und Trixie sind im Hintergrund gebürtigt.
Ich mache euch eigentlich einen Vorteil, indem ich die Hausaufnahme mache, wenn ihr weg seid. You talk about going to therapy and she says, no way, I want to work for the sheriff's department one day. This is going to ruin my career, which again, not necessarily true, if that even is a real dream of hers. We're not even sure about that.
Gabe, I'm kind of marveling at all the ways this young woman has found of not having to face her life and not having to work on herself. From the outside, it's so obvious. I just wonder how much she knows the corner that she's backed herself into.
Das ist eine interessante Frage, die wir sicherlich nicht wissen. Aber ja, sie könnte total wissen, was sie tut und ihre Eltern um ihren Finger geworfen haben. Oder vielleicht ist sie blind zu diesen Vorgaben und Rationalisierungen.
Es ist wahrscheinlich ein bisschen beides, würde ich vorstellen. Aber es ist offensichtlich, dass die Grund, warum sie all das tut, ist, dass sie überrascht ist.
Das ist das Ding, richtig? Sie ist schuldig, wie viel sie kämpft und wie isoliert sie ist. Wie unser Freund hier gesagt hat, fühlt sie diesen Stigma um die mentale Gesundheit. Also muss sie auf irgendeinem Niveau wissen, dass etwas nicht richtig ist. But until she's willing to sit with that shame or her parents are willing to call it out, I don't see how this situation is going to change.
They need to stop tap dancing around this. But how do you do that? I feel for these parents, it's a scary conversation to have.
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