The Jordan Harbinger Show
1097: Husband's Networking Involves Topless Twerking | Feedback Friday
Fri, 27 Dec 2024
Between the corporate ladder and the stripper pole lies your husband's idea of networking. Time to redefine some boundaries? Welcome to Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected]. Now let's dive in! On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Your husband attended a "networking event" at a hotel that gradually evolved into something more...exotic. As the night wore on and clothes came off, he stayed for seven hours, claiming "this is just how men do things sometimes." Is maintaining professional connections worth the cost to your marriage? And was this event really as "surprising" as he claims? Your elder brother has a history of using you as his personal fall guy, and now he's sending bizarrely inappropriate gifts to your daughter — including items she's severely allergic to. When confronted, he laughs it off as mistakes and jokes. With shared power of attorney over your aging parents, how do you handle a sibling who might not just be clueless, but calculating? Follow-up from episode 973: After a lifetime of trying to be the perfect Indian daughter while falling in love with a British man, you've finally made your decision. With packed bags and a sedated cat, you're about to drop the bombshell on your traditional parents. How does one navigate the delicate dance between cultural expectations and personal truth? Recommendation of the Week: Tailored clothes. End-of-year reflections on the doozies, dumpster fires, and delights that came our way in 2024! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi and Instagram @gabrielmizrahi. Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1097 And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider including...See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: What happened at the husband's networking event?
Hello, Jordan and Gabe. About three months ago, my husband went to a networking event that was held on a Friday night at a hotel here in our city. He works in the construction slash drilling industry, so networking events are far and few between.
When I asked what type of function is held on a Friday night at 6pm in a hotel penthouse, he said he agreed that it was unusual, but perhaps it was the only time everyone could make it, so I shrugged it off. But it still didn't sit right with me. As the night rolled on, I texted my husband to ask how it was going, and he sent some pictures of food and said it was fine, lots of men.
I offered to pick him up if he ended up drinking, and he said not to worry, that there would be free Uber rides for everyone there.
Gabe, let me pause you. If my wife asks me how the party is, and I take pictures of food, and then I say, hey, by the way, there's just lots of men here. So many men. That is so sus. I know you didn't really ask, but it's mostly just men. There's just lots of men.
It's a lot of men and a lot of jalapeno poppers. That's right. Now I'm going on Do Not Disturb, and I'll be back in a few hours.
Bad service in here, though. That's the downside to this $10 million penthouse. Anyway...
My husband and I are very close, and there's little we don't share with each other, so knowing he was out drinking without me didn't bother me much. Until it was 11pm and there was no message from him. Midnight rolls around and now I'm starting to have questions.
So I texted again and that's when he said, well, all the waitresses here have now taken off their tops and some have taken off their bottoms too.
Interesting share. I don't know if I would have done that. I think I would have said coming home soon and maybe left it at that.
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Chapter 2: Is it appropriate to attend events like this for business?
My goodness. When he got home, he said that he couldn't leave because it, quote, would have been rude, unquote. That he had no idea it was this type of event. This was all new to him, too. That as soon as the women took off their clothes, he started making moves to head out.
that, quote, this is just how men do things sometimes, and that if someone wants to go to the strip club, that's just what you have to do in business, unquote. He also said, if you're that one guy that says you will not go, you will not make that work connection, and you could lose out on contracts.
Yeah. Okay. That would have been rude. Yeah. Look, sorry, but my penis is going to be super upset if I leave right now. So.
Dude, you are like filling her head with the worst possible scenario here. You don't know that he did. Blame it on the drugs. Yeah. This is the oxy talking right now.
Look, to be fair, he might not be 100% wrong about losing out on stuff. This is a thing, especially in male-dominated industries. He's in construction, drilling. It's skeezy and it's weird, but I heard it's a real thing. In fact, a friend of mine who was a dancer of the kind that you're imagining, she told me that their biggest week in Vegas was not New Year's, It wasn't the Super Bowl.
It was World of Concrete, which is a massive, massive construction conference in Vegas, one of the biggest ones. She said that's the one where it's just like off the hook and you make like, you know, 50 grand in the weekend or whatever it is. Damn. Yeah.
Well, it's interesting. When I was in consulting, we had to do ethics training every year. And I remember they explicitly told us that we could not go to a strip club. and expense it to the client or really go at all. Like you can do this stuff as part of, you know, socializing around work whatsoever because, you know, it generally excludes women and it just, it's like weird and inappropriate.
But the way they said it to us in training, you knew partners had done it a bunch in the past and they had to say something about it.
Right. And it also makes me wonder, you guys can't go to a strip club and then expense it to the client. OK, so we can go, but we can't write it off. We have to spend our own money. Like there's just a guy in the front row raising his hand like, let me clear. I need a clarification.
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Chapter 3: What are the implications of male networking in certain industries?
Again, such an interesting argument, because there is a world where he loses out in construction contracts because he didn't get a lap dance or whatever alongside Dave the Drill Operator or whatever. Dave the Drill.
You know that's what Dave calls himself at his events, too.
For sure. Hey, Mercedes, I'm Dave. They call me Dave the Drill Operator.
Used to be in coiled tubing, now I'm a derrick hand.
Yeah, as Mercedes puts her Derek hand on, anyway.
Again, why are you freaking her? This is, you're like on, you're on one today, dude. It's an opiate thing. It's five mil Barbie right there.
This party though is so ridiculous. It reminds me, did I, I think I've told this on the show before. When I was working at this offshoot of Maxim, I went to this party that was for, there's a website called Seeking Arrangements, which I guess is like women who want to date older men and in exchange for dating them, you buy them handbags or something. So I went to cover this party.
Oh yeah. And the cops busted it or something?
Right. The LA vice squad showed up, raided the place, and I ended up chatting with them, and I ended up taking out one of the cops.
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Chapter 4: How to handle inappropriate gifts from family members?
Yeah. What is this guy's problem?
I don't know.
What is this kid's problem?
After he graduated college, got married, and started a family of his own, he gradually stopped coming to a lot of family gatherings. But the rest of my family loves him and extols his virtues, how much money he makes, how he gives a lot of money to his alma mater, and how he gives extravagant gifts. But this generosity has not extended to my family.
He's always given my children gifts that I have either asked him not to, like Disney princess merchandise, or that is for children several years younger than their actual age. He sends me birthday cards stating that I'm his favorite niece, favorite grandmother, favorite teacher. It's what passes for humor for him. Granted, the variety can be somewhat creative, but
It also allows him to avoid acknowledging me, or my wife or kids, as a person. And my wife receives nothing entirely. Though I can understand the age problem, as he hasn't seen my kids in years, he most recently sent my daughter four different packages of archaic 9-volt batteries. Another package arrived for her containing three pounds of nuts, and she has a tree nut allergy.
Oh, jeez.
He's seen her firsthand puking all night from coming into contact with them in the past.
Huh.
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Chapter 5: What should you do if a family member is insensitive?
If I had made a mistake like this, I would be falling all over myself apologizing and trying to fix it. But I also realize that I can't judge other people for not reacting the same way I would. I'm now struggling with my response to this.
I'd like to cut all ties with my brother, but I have medical power of attorney for my parents, and he has financial power of attorney, and one of them has early dementia. Dark me would like to ask him to justify... Jordan, you've started a whole movement. I know. What is happening?
Dark me would like to ask him to justify, in a group text to all of our family members, why he would send my daughter nuts. But he has a way of bringing up all of someone's past mistakes and making things their fault. I'd call him, but our conversations end with him blaming me for anything and everything. Am I being too sensitive about this?
Given that everyone else loves my brother, am I the a-hole here? Are there other paths I might take that might preserve family harmony and not subject my children to harm? Signed, Managing my allergy at a brother who's famously bastardly. Is he dastardly for refusing to behave mannerly, or is he just doling out gifts haphazardly?
MC Gabey on the ones and twos now, ending 2024 strong, I see.
Yeah, and I didn't even have to do oxy.
You didn't even have to rail an oxy. Although I don't know. I mean, I did take it orally. And I think I need to be clear about that. So this is a tough one. First of all, I don't think you're wildly off base and being hurt and disappointed by your brother, especially given your history with him. He sounds like a tricky personality, to put it delicately.
And if the other stuff you said is true, if these signs of what sound a lot like narcissism are actually real, then he might in fact be dangerous, emotionally, possibly physically, especially if he's actually trying to hurt your daughter, which is so beyond the pale that frankly, I'm having, honestly, I'm having trouble believing that that could be real. But it is possible.
I'm not doubting your account here. It's just so crappy that it's hard to swallow. Did he mean it? Yeah. Whether you're being too sensitive about all this, I don't know, because what's the barometer for too sensitive?
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Chapter 6: How to navigate family dynamics with a difficult sibling?
Also, when you grow up in a family like this, where one sibling treats the other siblings poorly and gets validated more by the parents and everyone loves and respects that sibling more for reasons, by the way, that sound like they have more to do with money and external success than, you know, like actual character. Yeah, actual character. Exactly.
I'm connecting some dots here, but I imagine it could be hard to really own your experience in a family like that and say, this really sucks. This hurts. Like, this is not cool. So just asking the question, am I being too sensitive about this?
might itself be a symptom of this painful relationship with his brother and perhaps this difficult childhood in general and also this interesting comment he made that he feels he can't judge other people for not reacting the same way he would look there might be some wisdom to that but i also kind of hear him saying i don't know if i can hold my brother to a reasonable standard because he's wired differently which i'm not sure is actually fair like why can't he expect him to behave well
That's true. So you probably won't be surprised when I say, no, you are not the a-hole here, given that everyone else loves your brother, because first of all, one has very little to do with the other. Even if your brother has some great qualities, how other people feel about him and your family, that doesn't have much bearing on what your unique relationship with him is like.
I mean, I get why their opinion of him might give you pause, but there are freaking pillars of the community who are total monsters at home. The fact that their neighbors and customers like them doesn't automatically mean that they're wonderful human beings. I'm not saying your brother is a monster. I'm just saying that multiple things can be true. Different people can see him differently.
More importantly, there's something about this question that makes me kind of sad. I guess for the reason Gabe just touched on, that it might be hard for you to own your true feelings about your brother when you're surrounded by family members who are kind of seduced by what sounds like his external success, which probably says a lot more about their values than it does about his,
flawless personality.
It's interesting in a way I appreciate that you're going, man, if everyone else loves this guy, what is wrong with me? What am I missing? Am I just looking? Yeah, he's self-aware. Am I just looking for reasons to hate him? You know, do I need to adjust? And that is probably one big way that you and your brother differ.
Just in the fact that you can even consider whether you're wrong, why other people are having such a different experience of him from the one you're having. So there's something kind of grounded and healthy. And yeah, to Jordan's point, self-aware about that. But again, given the facts here, it does sound like you have a few legitimate reasons to be kind of hurt. concerned at the very least.
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