The Jordan Harbinger Show
1110: Can True Love Last In Shadow of Dad's Dark Past? | Feedback Friday
Fri, 31 Jan 2025
Finding love in midlife with a baby on the way seems like a miracle, but your father's dark past threatens to eclipse it all. It's Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected]. Now let's dive in! On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: You've found true love in midlife and have been blessed with a baby on the way, but there's a dark family secret lurking in the shadows — your father's abuse of your sisters decades ago. Now you're torn between protecting their story and being honest with your partner. Can you find safe passage through this minefield of trust and trauma? You're the new kid at a utility company where everyone's old enough to remember the Carter administration. They call you "little boy" and move at glacial speed, but the pension is golden. How do you bridge this generational grand canyon without losing your sanity? Two passionate readers weigh in on AI with opposing views — one concerned about the environmental impact of our chatty digital friends, another warning about cognitive dependence. Join this fascinating debate about the true cost of convenience. You're in love with someone half your age, you're both on the autism spectrum, but her mother's controlling behavior feels straight out of a Gothic novel — 8 p.m. curfews and confiscated phones included. Did we mention you're married? Oh, boy, how does this tale unfold? Recommendation of the Week: Chia Seed Pudding Your corporate IT job pays the bills but feeds your soul about as well as a cardboard sandwich. At 35, with a family to support, you're wondering if it's too late to chase meaningful work. Is stability worth the daily dose of misery? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi and Instagram @gabrielmizrahi. Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1110 And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you...See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
What is the main topic of this episode?
And the fact that you're even wondering whether you would be able to skirt around this if you decided not to move forward with the pregnancy, I have to imagine that speaks to the part of you that really still desperately wants to avoid having to talk about this with anybody, but especially with your partner. For sure, because of the shame of being associated with it, etc.
Because of that shame, and probably because of another layer of shame, which is having hidden the original shame for so long. And look, maybe there's some other thoughts in the mix. What does this abuse say about my family, about me? Like he said, are you going to hold this against me? Are you going to resent me or judge me for having forgiven my father, perhaps?
Which is something I definitely want to come back to here in a minute. And if you knew the truth about my dad, how would you respond? I don't know how you're going to respond. Are you going to let our child have a relationship with him? What's your reaction going to be?
Am I going to have to negotiate between you and them? Am I going to have to choose? This story has got to bring up so much for him.
But really what I think this comes down to, the overriding feeling that I'm getting from his letter is a fear of losing control.
Oh, yeah. And like if he tells her he can't control how she's going to respond.
Totally. She might meet him with compassion and acceptance, which is what I hope she does, especially because this was not his fault. He had nothing to do with the abuse. And it's obviously been so painful for him to live with what happened. But she could also meet him with any number of reactions, anger, fear, disappointment. She might just be weirded out. He can't predict that perfectly.
And I'm sure that's terrifying.
I understand that, of course, because the stakes are really high here. This is the love of his life. They might be having a baby together. So in his mind, he's going, oh, my God, I could lose her. I could lose all this. Maybe I'll just never tell her. I actually really feel for him here. But to your point, that's probably a form of control.
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