Frank Alvarez
Appearances
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm being, you want, I'm, what I'm saying is my eclectiveness, my eclecticity. Yeah. is definitely not a narrative that has been spun. I'm the worst. You're the best.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
See, now you're projecting. You're projecting. You see that? Watch. I got him with it. I got him. You're projecting. I never said that being non-eclectic is being bad or the worst. I just think that. No, I was referring to the other things. Those things are pretty bad. Right. Yeah. But you're not those. Okay. But I am more eclectic than you. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Now that we have that settled, my point is if I wore that shirt, it would be over. Well, again. It would be a wrap. Because you would wear it, and it would be a Balenciaga shirt with bull balls on it. Amber Crombie. Where are those shoes from? New Balance? Take them off. What's on the inside? What's on the inside? Aime Leon Dior. It's still New Balance. It's a collab.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'll be really honest with you. I don't know what Aime Leon Dior is. It's a brand. I don't know. I didn't know. Free. Yeah, that's right. They gave it to us at the Just Relax Vancouver. We're both wearing free stuff. We're wearing... Most of this stuff on me has been gifted.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
This? This was a gift. What am I wearing? Let's see. Let's see your wrist. What's that? What's on that one? What? Oh, yeah. Pull the slings back. What's that? Okay. Oh, I accidentally stole this from the shoot. Oh, I almost took some jewelry from them. Oops. But I didn't. I give it back. I got back to the hotel. I was like, oh. I don't think they care. Me neither.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Oh! It's, uh, it's for my butcher. It's for your bircher? It's like, it's a for bircher.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
They've made it seem like if you want anything. What's that though? What's on that one? We went too far. What Joe was referring to, by the way, was shoot, we were just out in Palm Springs. We won't say who it was for or what because I don't know if we're allowed to yet. I don't think so. I wouldn't. I'm not gonna. That's what I'm saying.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
But we were out in Palm Springs, California, and quite the ride. Interesting way to get there for sure.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Apparently, a lot of people go there. Didn't know that. It was an international airport. That was shocking. And the airport was as big as a baseball field. Legitimately. First of all, 90% of it was outside. Yeah. And everyone is 65 years old. Yeah. And white. White as fuck.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yep. No one at the restaurant we went to. Yep. Yeah. So. Oh, Whitey's out there. They love it. In the desert, I guess. But. Palm Springs, it's like known as like a. I had no idea. It's like old Hollywood. Like, cause there's like Palm Springs, Pioneer Town, apparently is a huge music place.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
We were there and they were just like, yeah, this is where the Stones recorded this album. And then like.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I was like, I don't know if I could know. I feel like. But. So we connected in Denver and we flew from Denver to Palm Springs, which was longer than I thought it was going to be.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It didn't get a little choppy. It got a lot of choppy. It was a fucking full-on chopped salad on the plane. We were chopped our fucking heads off. Worst turbulence I've ever been in. Without a doubt, the worst I've been in. And, you know, I have fully explained my mentality getting on a plane. Frank hates flying. I don't like flying. I do it.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And it's not like when I'm on the plane, I'm like, I need to, like, take something or I'm a nervous wreck. I'm fine. But, like, the minute I feel like a little shake, you're like, oh. Yep. So we're descending and... We're bouncing around, dude. Dude, like... Bad. Not like... I don't know how to explain it, but like rollercoaster.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
They're just like... Animals by nature... I know. I'm animal, dude. Talk to me, Steve Irwin.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And we're going through clouds. Yeah. So I start feeling the bounce.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
So I was watching, I downloaded this season of breaking bad, which rewatch it or watch it for the first time. If you haven't. Okay. Uh, and science bitch. Yeah, bitch. And thank you. Yeah. And I just stopped watching. But it was playing in my ears. So I'm like sitting there trying to be calm. And Walter Jr. is screaming in my ear. And you know I'm not doing that accent.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Dude. Bring a reptile. Bring a fucking giraffe in here. Robert. I think it's Robert. And then I think his daughter, I think, I don't know. I don't want to say it because I think his daughter's name is Bindi, I think, or Bondi. Oops, if it's... I don't even know.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm not. I'm sure that won't offend anybody. Do it. It will. And I'm not going to. So I'm sitting there screaming. And then you, like a psycho, have your window wide open. You don't want to watch? No. Oh, I want to. I have the windows closed. That's why I sit at the window because I like to look. Nope. I know we're high up. I'll be honest.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I even sometimes convince myself like we're actually not really like this is all like a prank and we're not really in the air. We're still on the ground, but like people are like trying to make it seem like we're flying.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah. It's a bumpy road on a bus. Yeah, that's exactly... And, yo, like, there's this, like... I don't like hitting the ground without seeing, though. No, I know, like, I know the feeling of hitting the ground. I'm, like, good until we're, like... you know, close to the ground because I put myself in the mentality of like, we're at a safe fallable distance. You know what I mean?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Like, yeah, we're still high and going fast. Yeah. But like, this is a safer distance, but like, yeah. So I'm sitting there, eyes closed. Walter Jr. Do the impression. You're doing it. I'm not doing it. You're the impressions guy. I am, but I'm not.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Frank, don't do it. Just doing the face he made. All right, go. I saw your life before your eyes. You're like, no. I mean, this is me boring for your life. I know, I know. No, I would never. That's offensive. And we're like going, and I look over, and I look at the window. And we're going through a cloud, but I guess there was a light that flashed. It's from the wing.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Well, no, because we were way in front of the wing. It might have been on the front of the plane or something. There was a light that flashed. And the color of the light that flashed made the cloud that we were going through look... Like fire.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I think... Look up Steve Irwin's kids now, bitch. I'm sorry. That was too much. You're not a bitch. Yeah, that was kind of... I think it's Robert. Dude, the kid... I see them cry over stuff, and it makes me want to cry. Is it Bondi or Bindi? It's Robert and Bindi. Okay. All right. Good. But... I don't even know how that's offensive, but... I don't know. I don't know. But...
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I really hope he didn't see out the window about that. Yeah, so we landed safely. Thank God. Thank you to the flight crew, I guess. I don't know. Pilot. Yeah, pilots. I don't know why I said it like that. Pilot. Then, again, Palm Springs, guys. Desert.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
a show of hands here can anyone tell me what they have in the desert almost exclusively anyone that's right dirt and sand sand that's it so we get out forty mile per hour winds and we're getting blasted in the face yeah we're like walking to baggage claim and it's like a fucking college campus there's like a cafeteria and shit and you get outside and i'm like oh okay they weren't kidding about the wind and like
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah. And not like the cool EDM electronica song sandstorm. Yeah, no.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah. But yeah, so we're. A legit like. Sandstorm. Tatooine.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And he's still, by the way. Through the first, like, minute of the sandstorm going 85 miles per hour. Yeah, we were sending it. We were not. I just click. I just put my fucking belt on.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's the other fucking thing. As we pull up to the Airbnb, after we go through a fucking tornado, basically, like Dorothy. We were at Oz. He goes, all right, just be careful out there. We're like, for what? He's like, coyotes, rattlers. I'm like, get us in this fucking house. It was like we were exhausted at this point. There was a charcuterie board waiting for us.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Well, midnight fucking Palm Springs time. Oh, yeah, so 3 a.m. in New York. Yeah, that was a late cheese that I had for sure. Did that haunt you the next morning? No, I was fine. I actually was, like, great that whole trip. Like, I was surprised. Like, sometimes when I go, like, on trips and stuff, I feel like I get too nervous. Oh, and like your tummy gets a little rumbly bumbly?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
There was, at the set that we were at, there was a snake handler. Yeah, that was a little scary. And I was like, at the end of the day, I was like, did you find anything? She was just like, nothing to worry about. Just a snake, a gopher snake. Gophers, brother. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm screwing up this person's name. I don't want to say something offensive. Okay. So, by nature, these animals are territorial. Bro, we found, they were on two different instances. We found kittens in alleyways and brought them home. And our cat, you remember Mystique, Sticky Lou. She was... I had a cat named Mystique, Ant. Make fun of me. She died of, guess what? Cat mouth cancer.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Well, when she called it a gopher snake, I imagine it's because like they swallow gophers. All right. That was where I went. But probably you're right. And there were holes everywhere. There was like snake sized holes. And like everywhere. And I don't do like bad with animals, but like when we're in their territory, bro, we were in the desert.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah, I didn't like that. You know it was a nest. But it was a good experience. We had a lot of fun. Thank God we survived. No coyotes. No coyotes. You think you could take a coyote?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Really? How big are coyotes? They're just like little dogs, right? I could take a coyote. It would definitely hurt, but I would get some.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I would get it off me. You'd get off on it? You know I didn't say that.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I think one coyote. 15 to 45 pounds. Yeah, I'm beating the shit out of it. One coyote. Yeah, I'm beating the shit out of it.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Two coyotes, probable problem. With a good set of legs. Like, if I roll my ankle, now this is going to get tougher. I've never met a dog that can, like, really manhandle me. Are you serious? Yeah, I don't think I have, dude. There's dogs out there. They just look like little, Joey, knowing Joey. Holy shit, gray wolves. Gray wolves are how big? 20 to 50 pounds?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Oh, shit. Yeah, fuck that. And how tall are they? Well, first of all, six and a half feet long. Bananas. Yeah, no.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Wait, gray wolf. Isn't that someone's name in... Gray worm.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I remember gray worm. But isn't someone like gray... Oh, in fucking Fenrir Greyback from Harry Potter. Fenrir... What? Fenrir Greyback from Harry Potter. He's the... He's a death eater. The one that has all the snarl, like gnarly teeth. Oh. And he's just like, oh, I'm a werewolf. He's the one that attacked... Sirius Black?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Einerning. Joey couldn't the other day say ironing for some reason. What did I say? Eining? You said einering. Einering. We'll get to that in a little bit. It's from my butcher. They gave me this shirt. It was very kind. Wait, you went in and bought meat and he's like, here, take a shirt? Yeah. Every time I go, there's this guy that's just shoveling meat, which is a crazy way to say it. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Well, no, I don't know if he attacks him, but in canon, he's the one that gave Remus Lupin the werewolf disease because he attacked him. You're saying a lot. All right. Well, we do have advertisements. We have to get to those, ladies and gentlemen. They're just little puppies. Knowing Joey, he'd be like, oh, come here. I'll tell you right now, I would give a coyote three tries before I hit it back.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I just did that, like kissing like a dog. Remind me of a story after you read these ads.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
No, but she did have like a half. They also named their dog Rogue.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
But yeah, extra strength, high quality, amazing smelling deodorant, also for just $5. They have other products too. No risk trial or anything like that. If you don't like it, no worries. It's on them. Convenient subscription option. So it's nice. So go to harrys.com slash basement right now. Get that trial set. That's $13, but you only get it for three bucks. All right.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Making out like a bandit there. Boom. Yep. And you know what? You want to smell good? How about you live good and be happy? And go over to Patreon, patreon.com slash thebasemanyard, where you can have more of us. And, I mean, that would be very kind of you. So thank you if you have. And if you intend on it, we thank you as well.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You go for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes. Every single Friday. Monday. Friday. The Basement Yard Boys. We're going to be there for you. So go check it out. Thank you to our over 33,000 paid patrons. We are so appreciative and grateful. It's given us these really, really cool opportunities. So thank you.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
We were so close. We were very, very close. Storm's a sick name. We were very close. But as a family, we agreed that any pets that we get would be named after X-Men. So we had Mystique and we had Rogue. Who's next on the list? Well, we now have our own family, so... If you get another cat, then it's gonna be like, oh, this is... I mean, I'm all about good... You know how I feel about animal names.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
We're excited for what this year is going to bring us. We've been rocking and rolling and all the other adjectives that we could think of in regards to rocking and rolling. But yeah, go check it out. We love you. We appreciate you. And Let's keep this party going. Keep this party going. I just did that thing where I was like, like beckoning a dog at the shoot that we were at.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Again, it will remain nameless for now, but we were rapping on one of the takes and they were just like, all right, let's do something a little more fun and playful. And Joe and I were like, all right. And Joe walks up to me and I beckoned you like a dog and like kiss at you. And then it was silent and they go. Thank you.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
If I get an animal, I'm not naming him, like, Francis or, like, Robert or fucking, like, Mark. I think it's funny. Like, when people have, like, a pug and it's like, who's that?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah. But it's more playful than fucking like, bro, we talked about this not like a couple of years ago at this point, but like Aaron Judge has this beautiful little dog and its name is like Kevin. And it's like... Kevin's horrible. That sucks! Kevin's horrible. Your pet name needs to be playful. I fully agree, though. Alfred is a good dog name.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Thank you. , , , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P P P P實 ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , to solplplplplplplpl P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah, like... And it depends what dog it is. We've gotten past, like, certain human names. Like, Gertrude. And, like, you know, Eustace. Like, those... Eustace. I'm sorry. I watched Severance the other day. But, like... We've gotten past, those names suck. We all agree that those names suck. Sorry any Gerties out there.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Bro, in the OR, they were like listening to Coldplay. They were having the time of their life in there. Yeah. Like, you know, I wake up and I hear fucking clocks and I'm like, all right. Clocks. But I felt a pressure. Like, all I could feel was something. It felt like something was like pushing on my leg like that. But it was weird because you can't feel below the waist. Right. Weird.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I didn't grasp that concept. Could you move? I could move this, but again, it was under, yeah, it was under, it was under a, like a, like a thing blown hot air on me. And then I went to like wiggle my legs and I couldn't. And mentally I just got freaked out.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
So I was just like, and the anesthesiologist was sitting right next to me and I'm like, I can't move my legs. And they're like, you're getting surgery. Dumbass. Not only that, but they were like, yeah, that's the epidural.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And I was like, no, but like, I can't. And I started like freaking out and wiggling and I could hear they were just like, all right, put them back. Yeah. So they just like it was not about basically. So I'm breaking a sweat trying to move my legs and they just like release the valve for my anesthesia. And I just literally I was like, Gone. Damn, dude. You don't like needles?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I know, it is cyclical, but right now, what were old-timey names can be pet names, and then what are now, like, pet names will be old-timey names eventually. Like, imagine you had, like, a fat cat, and it's like, who's that? It's like, that's Barbara. Like, that's hilarious. It is. But also like I hate it.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I mean, I also. I think they expect him to be like, hey, don't go work. And I saw on the screen, like, it looked like someone was like in like peach colored jelly.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
So I had four openings. So, cause my knee was basically. Did they cut and open? Look at him.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
If I had no pain. I didn't see that. But the way that they did it on me was normally it's like three holes that were in my kneecap because my whole knee was fucked. ACL, MCL, PCL, patella. It was fucking spaghetti in there. TLC. And then underneath, maybe like... Wait, you tore all those? Everything, dude. What'd you tear? ACL, MCL, LCL, PCL, and my patella was fucked.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's great. What happened? Whatever, that was bad. So they opened the shit and they had to fix everything. So there was three holes and then the opening was a slit. Whoa, you got a vagina? And they, from there, because they opted, when I was getting the surgery done, they were like, do you want the new ligaments, do you want them to be cadaver, or do you want them to be your own ligaments?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Get a dead guy's knee in my knee. Well, no, I took my own. So the little slip that they do is they had to go into my hamstring, and they took some ligaments from my hamstring and used that to reconstruct my own shit. Because they said they were like, there's a chance that your body rejects the cadaver, and then you got a big fucking issue. Ah.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I would much rather that I agree with you because Kevin is you're also going over you have the perfect you skirted the line So perfectly with Charlie because it is it's close. It's very cool. It's a good playful animal named Charlie Charlie Charlie Charlie But it's also like that sucks as a name and forgive me for any Charles's or Charlie's out there. I But it sucks. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Like, I know what you don't like, and you ready for this? What? You don't like when you see that thing that's, like, prying open skin.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That doesn't bother me. It was, I still don't have feeling in some of my knee. And, like, you could still see where they went. Like, the scar is still there.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's the, that's where they went into my hamstring right there. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And it's still like, not like the feeling is still not back. And I think like the scar tissue or something. They're still putting you under. Well, they fed you a lot of anesthesia that day. You've never been under anesthesia. Have you? No. That's a picky boy's video asking right there. Yeah, get an anesthesiologist in here. Bro, it's like a thing.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Have you ever seen videos of people fighting anesthesia? I would probably do that. Probably. I would 100% do that. You would fail, brother.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
There are people that fight it for, like, minutes, and they're like, like, Steve-O.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
There's, like, bro, look up people fighting anesthesia.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
So, you wouldn't do good with, like... Have you ever seen, like, a crime scene photo or anything?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
What about if they got hit by a train and they're smushed?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It's a result. So, they're, like, in progress of it all. So, surgery.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
When the hell is surgical procedures crossing your page? I've gotten that sometimes. I've never gotten that. You've never been under anesthesia or gotten surgery?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I used to, do you remember that show that was on MTV when we were kids? It was called scarred. Yes. I loved that show. And they, and they had some gnarly shit on there.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I was like, what the fuck is this? I used to tell my girlfriend at the time, like, I don't know. I might end up on it because you're so wild. She was like, oh my God, stop. My legs. It could be my legs. It could probably be my legs. My legs, which are mostly scars.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
They saw that my legs is... You probably told her like, yeah, I submitted my legs, but I'm waiting to hear back. What? I submitted my legs to the show. No. Waiting to hear back. What a good scar. No, but I think... Yeah. Like something like that. Any like lower body injury, like sports injuries in general, sports injuries are bad.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I always, I always think back to that dude from Louisville, Kevin Ware and, um, and then the Sean Livingston, you remember that one that was gruesome. A couple of years ago, was it Chris stops Porzingis? Didn't he have one a couple of years ago?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Well, because that's how I got hurt was playing football. So, like, football injuries fuck me up. But, like, any – I think, yeah, I think, like, you're saying, like, just, like, gym injuries or something like that. But mostly the lower body.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You like pimple stuff? I don't hate it. Do you like watching big fucking little squirty pimples?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
dry and they're not like wet and big and what you know white and a dry pimple like a blackhead i don't hate that oh yeah i'm not afraid to admit it i don't go looking for them but if they pop up i'll give it a sec before i swipe away yeah you know what i kind of like i like when they're like scraping someone's nose and like there's like a cheese and you're like yo this is disgusting but like that's why i like it full transparency you know what i can't watch as you were just saying that boogers
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I don't know why, but like those videos, you ever see those videos of like, it's like one is like the kid at like his Christmas choir and he sneezes and there's just a giant booger? That I can't, I can't, I don't know why. You're not a booger boy. I can, well, who is? I'm not, I mean, I wouldn't say I'm a booger boy. I can't, or like people that like, and then eat it, I can't do that.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I did it as like a fucking toddler. You did it? I'm sure I did it as a four or five year old.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
At least five days out of the week. But people that pick it and then look at it and eat. I'm not even kidding right now. I get looking at it. I get looking at it. But I'm not eating this. What are you, fucking crazy? Also, it used to be really difficult for me to watch people throw up. But I'm okay now.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Like, I remember, like, if, you know, ten years ago, if I were watching, like, Jackass, I would need to. Throwing up makes me laugh.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Bro, there was one. I know you can't watch it, and I highly, I'm not even kidding. It's the grossest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. It was, like, cut from one of the Jackass movies. How'd you see it? Because they like release it in like 1.5 or 2.5 or something.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Dave England, one of the jackass guys, and the skit was called The Omelet. Oh, no. And he ate, like, he took bites out of, like, a potato, a block of cheese, an onion, and drank, like, three raw eggs and then threw them up into a pan and cooked it and tried to eat it.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
The Brahma Bull, like the rock. Me and the rock. Do me a favor. Give me a little spin. Give me a 180. You want like a full spin?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's what I'm saying. I couldn't see that. Also, I don't like seeing bugs in skin, like ticks or botflies or something like that.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I don't know why you like that so much. Oh, I'm sorry. You said it feels good when you do it, right? It feels mega good. I've never felt that before in my life. Have you used one of the cameras?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Those are great. It's cool, but I've never been like, oh, it feels so great. Like scratching an itch I had or something. It's just like whatever.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
So you're kind of like edging yourself a little bit. Kind of. Sort of. Yucky. Speaking of food, though, in the weirdest way possible. Ant looked up. Ant, are you okay over there, by the way? I mentioned that omelet thing, and you were just like, no, I'm good, I'm good.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Ant pulled up this thing before that we wanted to end the show with, and basically it's this idea that, like, you get $100 million, but you can only eat one food for the rest of your life. Are you doing it? And, by the way, it's a random food. It's not like you could pick it.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And then that's the one every day. If it wasn't random, if you could pick what food would you think that you could actually eat? I mean, the real answer is that nothing. But the real answer is I would get a year into this and blow my head off. Okay. Yeah. But like, is there any food that you love so much that you believe that you can have it for the rest of your life?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Is it like pasta? You'd be like pasta or sandwich or something like that because I guess anything could be a sandwich.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm not saying I'm doing that. Sandwich. You just said pasta. He's like, I put the pizza between two bread. That's a sandwich. When we said we were going to bring it up, he before said burrito. So he's cheating. You're the cheater.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
If it was carrot, I'm getting four days into this. I love carrots. Also, obviously... If I get something insane, I don't even know, but it's not going to kill me. Yeah. If you only eat carrots, it's a wrap, probably. Oh, you'd be all right. I don't think so. You have the greatest eyes on the planet, though. Yeah, but you would have deficiencies and you'd die.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah, the assumption is that you're also taking supplements to give yourself what you're missing out on.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Turn back around before we get demonetized. Okay. I know why you're doing that, and I just want to say. Because it's got fat nuts on the back of it. It does have nuts. They're bull balls, dude. Bull balls are a symbol for power and strength and just, you know.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It makes it easier. I would absolutely say no. I could die. You know what? I'll give you this one. You want it to be the other way? If you get carrot, you're dead in 10 days. No.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Pretty sure his name is Will. He's a cool dude. But he's over by the deli, and I always walk over. Bro, a good deli is so, like, you need a good deli. You need somewhere in your neighborhood where people know your name, so you walk through the door and they're like, oh, look at the cat drag thing. Ah, the big time is here. What do you want?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Protein? Fiber? It probably has fiber, but I don't know. I'm sure you'd be all right. I don't think so.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Nah, the other one. That's even worse, probably. No.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
well we're still gonna do this one but imagine that every food how much money would it take for every food that you eat for the rest of your life just doesn't taste like that it tastes like something else oh i'm fine with that i don't that's a weird world to live in like i mean it would suck hamburgers would taste like carrots but then you could have hot dogs would taste like corn but then you could have an apple that tastes like a hamburger right that would be cool so do things just switch like you need to find the thing that tastes like steak yeah
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I like that. Then we get old quick. If I had to pick a food, like if it was my choice, it would probably be crab legs. I'd be dead in a week because I think there's a lot of cholesterol in crab legs. You would eat only crab legs? Dude, colossal king crab legs? Hell yeah, dude. I feel like they're not satiating enough. You haven't had enough of them, brother.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I have had enough to fucking satiate my appetite. Really? Yeah. All right, so let's do it. So Anne has a random food generator. I think my answer to this question is no, by the way. I mean, I'm still going to do it.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah. So I'll just say this. If the answer was cheese.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'd be happy, but I would also not make it very long. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
cheese has protein it has like digestive enzymes right and it's got an expiration date on you well certain cheeses can age for years no i meant like it'll kill you oh yeah yeah that's true all right so joe's this is joe's first so for the sake of the game you're doing it or do ants first ants let's see what yours would be i'm doing it too all right here we go would you do it would you do it it depends what mood i'm in honestly but i'll do it for i'll do it for here okay this is mine
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I know, well, that's what I'm saying about sandwich. Panzanella is, what is that, tomatoes, cucumber? Yeah, this is probably not a bad guess.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I say sandwich before, and I'm fucking called a cheater. He's eating that salad.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah, but what stops him from putting something in that salad, as long as it is still technically a salad? The rules stop him, Frank. What do you mean? All right. You saying a sandwich is like whatever. Oh, panzanella. Pan means bread. So I think there's some bread in here somewhere.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
All right, so this is Joe's. Joe's food is... White chicken chili. This kid gets a delicious fucking meal.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Also, chicken was going to be part of my answer. I think that's the thing that you can customize really well. And you have chili. You get the sauce. You get the tomatoes. You get the beans. That's pretty good. My fiber's up. You know what I'm saying? Of course. The internet wants him to live forever. Watch what I get. I can guarantee my fucking answer is going to be dog shit.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I am super in love with that. Not bad, not bad. A good Pad Thai? Oh, daddy's hungry now. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And like you can make it spicy some days or it could be mild some days. I like when it's fucking spicy. Oh, yeah?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You ever had Tom Yum Soup? Tom Yum? Tom Yum. No. Dude, unbelievable. It's like a Thai soup. Yeah. Oh, you haven't been watching White Lotus. Have you been watching White Lotus? I have not.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
All right, let's do one more. All right, all right.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Ants next one is $100 million, by the way, eating white chicken, chili, and pad thai for the rest of our lives. Very easy. I mean, it'll be hard.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Delicious. He'd kill himself by the afternoon. Yeah, it's pretty unhealthy. Chicken pot pie. It's delicious. I can't remember the last time I had a pot pie. I think Beck is making this for dinner tonight. Chicken pot pie?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
What would happen on this show? It would be 45 minutes. Well, here's why. Here's why it would be 45 minutes. Because yours would be like an... And you're doing it and I haven't even worn it. What is it? Amy DeLeon? Amy DeLeon? Or fucking Kith. They'd be Kith Bow Bowls. Right. That's why it would be funny because you would spend money on it. This was a gift from a butcher.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Now this is getting weird. How did it know that? Imagine the next one is just like, we see you, Joey. All right. So that's Greg. So what about Ahmed?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Chicken tenders. Well, it won't have to change his diet.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Wow. What a perfect. Chicken tenders and they can only be from Uber Eats.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
But it's also a lot of fried food. Yeah. I'd air fry mine. Make it somewhat healthier. It won't be that much, but yeah. That's pretty good. All right, who's next? Mikey. Chicken. Oh, my God. If this is not just a handful of spinach, he's going to— Kiwi?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I love kiwi, man. You a kiwi guy? You a kiwi boy? That's all right. I don't really love kiwi.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I think it's probably the most visually appealing fruit.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
No, kiwi's way cooler looking. What the hell? The inside. Dude, you cut open this green ball and it's just candy red? Dude, you cut open a brown ball and it's like green and like liney.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
What about the surprise color of a dragon fruit? You ever cut open a pink dragon fruit? Those are weird, yeah. They're like neon pink sometimes. Dragon fruit is not good. It tastes like zero. I don't know why people are like, this is so.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I've never had it and been like delicious. I've had it and just said nothing.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
All right. So who else we got? Zach. Let's see what Zach's going to eat for the rest of his life.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I wouldn't agree with that. Zach's going to get weak. Chicken tenders, I would say. I'd be pumped, but I'd be dead.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
No way. The worst fruit is honeydew? Absolutely not. No. No. Dragon fruit's worse than that. Way worse. You don't like honeydew. Papaya is worse. Hell, papaya tastes... Gross. I also think that pomegranate is wildly overrated. I disagree. I love pomegranate. I don't dislike it, but I think that people are- It is a bit of a hassle to eat.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I don't want to have a fruit that's crunchy because you got to eat basically the seed. Yo, the seeds in a honeydew, I hate that shit. Yeah, it's just slimy. Ugh. What was the movie where the dude was having sex with a honeydew or a cantaloupe? Good luck, Chuck. With what's his name? Dane Cook? Yeah. The dude who's having sex. He'd microwave a cantaloupe and then fuck it. That's true. Crazy.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Doesn't sound like it wouldn't work. Just saying. All right. I mean, we got to see what yours is again. Let's do another one for Ant.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's a blanket statement. That could be Italian sausage. It could be bratwurst. It could be. Bratwurst. It could be. What's the other one? The other, like, European sausage.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Oh, kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa. It could be technically a hot dog.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's right. The meat could be anything. Remember we had that rabbit sausage that time for your birthday dinner? Was that rabbit sausage? That was really good. All right. One more for Joe.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Frank's having fun. I am having fun. Onion rings. I'm going to blow my head off. It will be dead. I hate onion rings. Good. Joe, you got white. Well, that's what you get, bitch. You had white chicken chili. Now you get a side. That's tough. Now I get a side of onion rings. I'll say this. Onion rings, way better than french fries as a side. Way better.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Do you not expect a shirt from a butcher to include some form of nudity? No. Are you? I have no expectation of what that even could possibly look like. I fully disagree. I think that.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Are you saying that to just like rile people up? No, I'm saying that- You think that onion rings are better than french fries? A million times out of a million. Ant, please. I need something.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm always in the mood for onion rings, brother. Fries are overrated. Frank, that is so crazy to say. Why?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You get more flavor with an onion ring than you do a french fry. And they're cool rings. That's so wild. How is that wild? I don't know. To me, that's bananas. It's crazy. Better than every fry? I will say, personally... You can season fries. Yeah, but you can also season onion rings to make them even better. You get the flavor of the onion. It's too much. Do you like Bloomin' Onions too?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Dude, I know someone that like went. This is a true story. They were like hungry and they like ordered two Bloomin' Onions from Outback and just like that was their meal. And then they got through the first one and they were like, I probably shouldn't eat the second one. And they like gave it to their neighbor. or something like that, but I know that they definitely ordered two.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Hey, I was gonna eat this, but I'm full off my first onion. Listen, I understand, I see the value of fries, and I understand that there is a hierarchy to fries. Waffle, crinkle cut, shoestring, steakhouse. You know, personally, though, I'm getting an onion ring over a fry any day. Let's see what Frank's side is. Sure. Last one. Tart-tart- What is that? That looks like pizza.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Oh, that looks like it's like an upside down like a pear thing. I think I've heard like go to the ingredients. It's like a it's like a dessert. It's savory. I think it's pear and they like cook it and caramelize it or something.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
What's his name? Gordon Ramsay made this once. He's like. All right, you fucking dog. Here's how you make the world's best tartattan. All right? Fuck it, baby. All right, so there's apples. I don't like cooked fruit, though. I will say that. That's not bad. I hate cooked fruit. Bet you wish you had an onion ring. I do. Can't have it. No, you can't have a tartattan, bitch.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I didn't even know it existed until now. Yeah. Anyway, there you have it, folks. That is all for this week's episode. Frank and his bull balls will be back. The bull balls might not make it back. I will be, hopefully. Right. Where can they find you, Frank? Falvers885 on Twitter. The Frank Alvarez on all other forms of social media. And go check out the Patreon.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard and TheBasementYard on all forms of social media so you can come hang out with us and live the dream.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's very good. Good job. Comedy. I'll be very honest with you. I love this butcher. I threw this shirt on this morning and I was like, you know what? I am going to wear it in because I want to support local business. Good. Unlike some people here. Joe, by the way, just tried to legally change his middle name to Elon. That's true. That's what he tried to do. I didn't make that joke.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I fucking hate that guy. Annoys me to no end. Um, but. I, I, I, if you're wearing a shirt from a butcher, you don't expect there to be something obscene on it. You know, how many, if I had told you that one of the people at the butcher.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Because they're butchers. Yeah, what does that mean? They're delis. They're just kind of like, they're all, you know, they're sweaty.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
So yeah, so you walk in. By the way. Is there cows? What a great plug they're getting. Yeah, but like you can like. No, but you go in the back and they have like their meat cut out and laid out. And it's like, here's the chicken. Do they kill the animals there though? I don't think they kill them there. But they get them and they cut them up there.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
They get full animals and they're like, we're going to cut. This is getting made in a couple of rib eyes. Ribs. This is going to be all of it. Yo, it's kind of crazy to have it in you to like kill animals all day. I don't think the butchers kill the animals. They just get the carcasses. I mean, you carve them.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That is pretty crazy. It's like a science. Like, you ever see that thing in any... Well, you don't go to butchers because you're not as elevated as I am. I've been to a butcher before. You're going to a deli. It's not even a butcher. Well, they also have a deli section where they have their pure meat. I'm not trying to shit on this fucking... This place is literally amazing.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
But I go to this butcher. You also have dead animals on the walls. You know how... And they have a choo-choo train.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And it was like, yeah, it escaped from the butcher. That's kind of cool. I once saw there was a poultry place, which is a chicken butcher. What do you think? I'm in second grade. You think I'm an idiot? I'm not explaining it to you. I'm explaining it to our millennial audience that doesn't even know what a- Millennial? That's 30 years old, Frank.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah, the cat drags a lot of stuff. What do they drag? Like animals? Like mice? Dude, we used to fight. My cat used to kill mice and put them in my sister's shoes. Birds, bats.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
If you don't know poultry by now- Gen Z. Then the show has killed you. Gen Z? Who's the current one? Gen AA? Gen... Wait, do we go... Where do you go from Gen Z? You go back to A, baby. You go AA. Gen Alpha. They call him Gen AA or Gen Alpha or something like that. No one's watching us who's seven years old? Bro, I get cameo requests. From seven-year-olds?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Bro, and it's like, can you please wish my son a happy birthday? It's his 12th birthday. He loves the show. That's unbelievable. That is crazy. Also... I stand corrected. Don't... Well, thank you, but like... Yeah. Yeah. Bull balls. You know what I'm saying?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
They just saw an animal's nuts. I'm just saying here. Oh, so the poultry place. It was near where I went to middle school, and it was under the train, and I watched someone legitimately. I remember it as clear as day. No. They went to, like, under the train pigeons, bagged them up, and went into the poultry place. Swear. Swear. That's got to be a Leagues. If it's not. It should. It should be.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I would have called. I would have snitched. I mean, now listen. Pigeon, known as squab, is a delicacy in other countries.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
If you were to tell me. That what I was eating was a New York pigeon? Forget it. You couldn't. There's no way, dude.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah. But I would go to another country and eat their pigeon. Whose? Whose country do you think has the best pigeons? France? I would love a French pigeon. I would. Because the name itself is already French. Bichon. Is something going on? You keep shushing us.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Oh, he's just... He's in contemplative thought. I'm so pensive. Fuck off. The name itself is French. Bichon. Yeah. Is it?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And if I'm right, if I'm right, you have to kiss the bull balls on my back. What exactly am I saying? Is pigeon French? Is pigeon French.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Where is the country of origin? Have you never watched the spelling bee? is pigeon French. Pigeon is a French word. Kiss the balls, bitch. Come on. I'm not kissing those balls. Kiss these nuts. For a peeping chick, while dove is ultimately a Germanic word, possibly referring to the bird's diving flight. Wow. Did you know that?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I loved it It was a cute sense of you loved finding bats in your sneakers Well, I didn't find them in my sneakers. They were mostly in my sister's stuff. This is true this cat to prank your sister No, well, it was like a sign of love. That's what cats do it. They do it as like we love you I brought you a bat dogs do that shit to dogs. Don't bring me a bat. They'll bring you ducks ducks
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Dude, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that the word pigeon is French. Why? Because you just, why? Because you look at it and you see like, oh, it has like similar French spelling to like other, like pigeon. I got nothing. I've been completely derailed on my ass. And patisserie. Pigeon. I'm right. I know you are. Your reasoning feels wrong, but you got it right.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm a little offended that you don't like my butcher slash deli shirt. It's not that I don't like it. I think that it's a funny shirt. Thank you. I'm saying if I wore it, I'm saying we live two different lives.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's right. You are. Because look at what's behind you. A Polaroid picture and a fake award. Behind me is Power Rangers, T, and Game Boy. I'm confused about what point you're making. Because I think people expect a little bit more of eclectiveness. Eclecticity? From who? Me or you? Me. You? You're the eclectic one? You don't think I'm the eclectic one that collects Power Rangers, dude?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's it. And T. And is wearing... You, Frank, you're the one... First of all... Yeah, and he's wearing a unicorn kitty cat on his neck. Frank, you're the one who always says that, here we go, this Joe, oh, that Joe, oh, this Joe, that Joe. That sounds like an eclectic guy. You're, I don't think you are eclectic. Eclectic, eclectic, eclectic. I think your hobbies are more mainstream hobbies.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
What does that mean? Personal health. You're into Marvel, the highest grossing movies of all time, real mainstream. But bitch, sorry, sorry, I'm pulling back the bitch, back bitch. I was into that before all that stuff. And you know it. I had the Marvel trading cards and the X-Men trading cards in the 90s. You know it. Oh, so comic books and the creation of cartoons isn't mainstream.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Prior to where it currently is. Sure, it's grown. It is grown. But what I'm saying is like, if I started getting into that stuff after it became mainstream, I could see your argument. And what are you like, baseball? America's pastime?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm not saying that every hobby or thing I like is eclectic, but I would think the people generally will agree that I am a little bit more eclectic than you, if not significantly more. Fix your chain. The other one. Well, they'll believe it because you've created narratives on this show that only exist here. You know what's funny, though? Yeah. None of my narratives are fake, though. Really?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Frank, you create narratives all the time about how I am a—if I say the words, we'll get demonetized.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You're right. You're right. You're right. That is obviously fake. Right. But about me and my eclecticity is not fake. It is a legitimate, true, real thing. I'm the salt of the earth, baby. Like, I am the people's people. I think that's why people like this show. See, this is the narrative I'm talking about. See, this is the narrative that I'm talking about.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
So, like, this is where we start to get into, like, all right. I think that's why people enjoy the show because they get one percenter. Right. Corporate Joe and then they get a alcoholic. I never said that and I would never I'm saying right now. I never said Yeah, right today today.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You've never seen those? Duck hunt! Duck hunt dog! My brother... Oh, like bloodhounds. Yeah, but I don't think it's just the bloodhounds. I don't know. But my brother's dog, he has a husky.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Dancing to Bobby Shmurda on a couch. Like, it's a sick video. It was. But like, this is what you've done. Yes. You're lush. What do you like to do? Drink? I know. The world knows, Joey, that I am a jokester. So all of, but back to what you just said. You are. I am. A very disciplined young man who takes his personal health very seriously. Now he's doing this now.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
welcome back to the base welcome back to the basement yard frank you seem like you're focused on something well joey i am the danger i am the one who knocks frank's watching breaking bad at home and that's pretty evident It is a problem. I'll admit it. When I get into shows, they become my whole personality sometimes. And that's okay. So you're going to start cooking meth?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Okay. Like when you're peeing into a toilet, when you get near the end of your piss, you're like, I'm going to flush this and I'm going to finish my pee before it's done flushing.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Why don't you... Hey, brother, watch this. You need to grow up. Toilet seat. Down.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I mean, that's okay. That's okay to be a little afraid of a germ... Listen, public bathrooms... You couldn't convince me to eat in there. You're talking old Frankie dry hands over there. There's a lot of hand sanitizer that goes on those things. Yeah, you know how I feel. And I've been in some disgusting public bathrooms. I have too. Let me be very clear.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
There was one one time where I was driving through, for my old job, a very industrially area where there's a lot of shipping and 18-wheelers loading up and stuff like that. And I looked on my phone like bathrooms near me and it was without exaggeration just a stone building in the middle of like Newark, New Jersey. Perfect. And I went in there and it was a sight.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
What you would imagine a murder to be staged for. Like it was like ridiculous. You raw dog toilets? No, I prefer not to. What does I prefer not to mean? I mean, if the setup is going to be just as difficult, you know what I mean? So you won't make a little, you know, like a bird's nest and then take a shit on that? Yeah, no, I don't like that. Wait, is it you? Oh, God, he got him. Don't do that.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
one little switch and it's like you make mustard gas instead of meth or something like that. That's what I mean. Yeah, you die. That's not good. Yeah, but I would like to wear a gas mask. Those are cool. I'm trying to think if I ever wore a gas mask. Bro, I used to think that gas masks were so cool.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Tell him about that. Wait, what? He'll throw a bunch of toilet paper into the toilet. You said tell him, and then you decided to tell me. I broke the rules immediately. He knows. He got it. He got it. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Genius. Very smart. It makes a little bed for it. That's stinky, though. No, it's not. It's paper. Raw dogging. Your shit is in the air, brother. That's what I'm saying. You have air shit.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Like, if it's in the water, it kind of masks the smell a little bit.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You have big mud pies out in the open. You're literally just holding it like this. You might as well shit and then put your face next to it. Literally. I courtesy flush. You're not worried about the air of your shit? You courtesy flush raw shit.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No, I'm just saying. It's like, so you've established, this is the grossest episode, also a weekly episode, can we add?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And then you flush and it's like... It might be close because sometimes when you flush, it comes up and goes down a little bit. So like... What is your concern?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No, no, no. I'm saying the water. The water levels, they fill up a little bit and then they go down. Oh, you think that the poop's going to hit it? It might hit your ass. Bro, that ain't happening. You might get... Who do you think he's at? Tyrannosaurus Rex?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Dung beetles, by the way, cool, but ill. I mean, I applaud their determination and work ethic. I can't say much about, you know. You ever think about a dog and how it loves piss and shit? Because the thing that you just said, right? And I think about this all the time when I'm walking my dog. He loves to pee on other dogs' pee. Is that like graffiti?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
it's like a I fucking this is my because they because it's like graffiti you know like they say like not just graffiti and they go yeah yeah that was disrespect so is he disrespecting like hell yeah because that's their scent that's how they mark their territory so you take my piss and it's like this is my fucking hydrant now and then someone else says that and you're just like damn that's not mine anymore bro the dog dogs and dogs are like members of the cartel you know what I'm saying like
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Well, because you were like a Banksy, you know, kid who like, you know, let me guess, you love the picture of Banksy throwing the flowers and you want a gas mask because it's culture and it's anti-art. And Virgil Abloh would like it because of Off-White. I'm shocked you know that, Virgil. Virgil, like, did Off-White. R.I.P. Yeah. Make that very clear. I'm not speaking ill of the, of this man.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You impede on their territory. They're going to get upset about it. I have watched numerous times. A dog will walk over to a tree, pee on it. My dog will see that, run right over, piss right on it. Yeah. And dogs always have, I remember when we had a dog, they always have a little bit of piss to spare. Just enough to just be like little petty little bitches.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Even if he doesn't have piss, he'll go through the motions and just be like, leg up, got nothing, keep going.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I mean, piss is very potent with its odor. But no piss will come out. He'll just lift his leg. No, but even one drop. You know what they say. One drop of blood in the ocean, a shark will smell it. One drop of dog piss on a park bench. The other dogs will know. You're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm saying no piss comes out. I'm saying that you're probably not inspecting close enough.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Or you're wrong. It's possible. Highly unlikely. Because I'm walking the dog every day and I see it. Highly unlikely that I'm wrong. Right, it's unlikely. But it's possible. And I respect the possibility, but I also honor the improbability of my being wrong. I don't even know how to do all. I don't know how to unpack what you just said. Love that sweater. Thank you. Really good sweater.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You have a new chain. What is that? Is that a cat? Yeah, Ruby gave it to me. She went to the jewelry store and bought you some jewelry? She got kids playtime jewelry. It's a kitty cat? It's a little unicorn. Oh, it's a unicorn. It's a unicorn. You know what I thought that was at first? What? You know, like the namaste hand thing?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
There's something going on here. With the eye in the middle. What if I just came in and had radically different spiritual beliefs?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I mean, I think that would be very interesting. Yeah, I've never been a very spiritual person. So, like, if I come in and I start talking about, like, God or something, like, you know. It wouldn't shock me. Yeah, I mean, maybe one day in my life. I think there will come a time. Probably. Because I'm afraid. Right. That's what I'm, yeah. I'm afraid of a lot of things.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Yeah, I think you're going to be like, one day I have to, like, I have to. I have to because if I don't, then I'm in trouble. Yeah, because if I think about... Not. Not. Then. My father-in-law put it best. My father and my father-in-law has a really strong connection to his faith. And he says like, if I'm wrong, I lived life as a good person anyways. And I was like, good for you.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You know, there's some certain beliefs I don't like, but like, Maybe one day we'll cross it. That's everyone's problem with religion, honestly. We'll cross that down the road. Yeah, now that we've talked about religion, how about we get to the end? Oh, and religion and Nazis and drugs. Forgot about all that stuff. What an episode.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
you guys want to build a website you're gonna do that with Squarespace trust me okay it is the best platform to create your website they have a bunch of templates to make sure that your website is a great first impression for any customers or possible customers that come to your website like I said they have these templates they make it very easy you just click on one of them it kind of populates a website and you just switch out the text and the photos and things like that and you have yourself a great looking website in a fraction of the time
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I've done both. I've used Squarespace. I've used other platforms where you kind of have to build it out for yourself. It takes way longer, doesn't look as good, and it doesn't have the same amount of tools that Squarespace gives you in order to optimize your traffic. It'll let you know where your traffic is coming from and how to double down on that. You know, it's important.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Having a website is important. For those of you who have an e-commerce business, you know that. Anyone who makes content or anything like that, you need a good website. So there you go. Squarespace, everything that we do with every website that we make, we do with Squarespace as well. And right now you can head to squarespace.com slash basement for a free trial.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
When you're ready to launch, use the offer code basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, so head to squarespace.com slash basement. And when you're ready to launch, use that offer code basement. You will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, and we also have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is...
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Uh, no, I, when I was like very young, I think I just, I was just really into that. I went from like ninjas to like gas masks, masks, a lot of masks. Yeah. I could see that. I can see why. You know, I think it probably is like an inner personality trait. Like it's something that you want to find a new mask to wear because the masks that we wear are what we allow people to see of us.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
is an all-in-one personal finance app that is going to put money back in your pocket by finding and canceling unwanted subscriptions that you may or may not have signed up for. Maybe you signed up for a free trial at some point in your life and that expired and now you've been paying $8 to $11 a month and you didn't even really realize that you're doing that.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
or when you go on rocket money you will see all of it organized and then you'll start to realize oh there are a bunch of things here that i paid for at some point but i haven't used in a very long time so i'm going to cancel those ultimately putting that money back in your pocket and we're talking about recurring things every single month so not this doesn't just cost 11 this is over the course of a whole year so you could be saving all that money and there's other uh
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
features as well. There's a budgeting tool. So to make sure that you're being financially responsible, you want to set a budget for yourself. If you want to start saving money, be like, okay, I'm only going to spend this much money this month. You put it on your app, you put in all your purchases to make sure that you're being responsible.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
They also have a feature that you can upload a picture of your bill. And if they can lower it, they will help you do that. So it's all about putting money back in your pocket. Great thing too. And for anyone out there who thinks that they don't have any unwanted subscriptions. It's just a good tool to have to make sure, okay, to check.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And it has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. So, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash basement today. That is rocketmoney.com slash basement. Might as well have the money. Don't waste it.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Go to rocketmoney.com slash basement today. Yeah, and guess what? While you're on your personal journey, whatever that may entail, let us come along with you. Go to patreon.com slash thebasemanyard and continue to support us if you are or... Hop on, hop on, hop on the ship. You know, have a good time. You sign up for Patreon. That first year you get these weekly episodes a week in advance.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
That's right, seven whole days. And then exclusive episodes every single Friday morning with that second tier. It's a fun time. We tell you guys about it every week. Specifically, I do because Joey, while I am doing this, he's off camera holding a gun to my head. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Thank you guys for all the love and all the support. We appreciate it.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And we're... Really excited for what 2025 brings our way. Also, will this come out?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
for when we're in europe so if you're coming in these shows in glasgow london or dublin thebasementyard.com slash submit we're going to be over there for some shows we're really excited we hope you guys are too if you're coming to them uh and uh if you uh submit a question you know an answer to the questionnaire that we have we might talk to you about you whatever or you don't need to we can keep it we can keep it private but we like the shows that are a little uh
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
We talk with you. You talk with us sometimes. So go check it out, thebaseofnear.com slash submit. Thank you. And I think that at this point in the episode, I would love to talk about big scandal going around right now. The Girl Scout cookies are killing the population, apparently. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Allegedly. Allegedly. Oh, my God.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
He's done. The girls are getting him. The scouts. Oh, my God. What would you do if they hand-delivered a subpoena as, like, fully dressed up as girl scouts? Can you imagine? You know, I never understood that, where it's like, you got served. Like, people just, like, escape. Oh, I used to do it for my old job all the time. Like, why are people escaping that?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And there are the masks that we don't wear at home or when we're feeling the most comfortable with our loved ones, with the people in our lives that enjoy us the most, that see us as we naturally, really, truly are. Like, for instance.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Like, dude, you're going to get these papers. I've served a lot of people. But, like, do they run away from you? So, all the times that I did it was at their home. So, you basically, like, I would go up, I would knock on the door, and I would say... Hi, I'm looking for Joe Santagato. And if it's Joe, he'd be like, yeah, that's me. He'd be like, I have the subpoena for you.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I didn't do the, you're being served. I was never told I had to. I think I might've said it at points, but like. You've never like just walked up to someone on the street and be like. Roger. Here you go, Roger. No, no, no, no. It was all, it was all like homes and stuff. And then there were times where it was like, you know, like I had driven like two and a half hours to wherever I had to be.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And I told my boss, like, I can't sit here and wait for the person and get home. And it's like, all right, well then you give it to the, whoever you give it to get their name and their information. And then you have to provide something called an affidavit of service, which basically just says like, I serve this subpoena on your behalf to this person. And, um,
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I think there was like one or two times where the person was just like, I'm not fucking touching this. And what I was taught was just like, okay, you don't need to. I am giving it to you. You don't have to take it. I'm leaving it here. What you choose to do with it is on you. I would love to serve somebody. It was not as glamorous as you thought. I'd make it glamorous.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You'd be like a little bitch. I'd stalk. You'd be a little bitch about it. That's crazy. I would stake out is what I meant. I did a surveillance. A cup of coffee and a cigarette just outside when he gets home. I, so it wasn't my job traditionally, but I was one time asked to do a surveillance and like, it was literally like sit here, like a private investigator.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
It was just, so it was for a subpoena, but it was sit here, wait until this person gets home. And then when they get home, hit them with the subpoena. And it was cool on July 3rd of the year. And I was trying to like, I had learned about it that morning. We were going to be leaving to go to the lake. Oh, and I was just like, hopefully they come home. They did not.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You were followed. I was good. I was good. I was good. I was inconspicuous. Anyway, apparently this thing came out, you know, girl scout cookies, very popular, but apparently they did a test on the cookies and in a hundred percent of the samples, they were some form of metal.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Is Batman the mask or is Bruce Wayne the mask? That's a great question, Joey. I love that you can't come up with an example that isn't a comic book reference. All right. Let's use another. The Flash, Superman. No, no, no, no, no, no. Stanley Ipkiss. Who is the mask there? Is it Stanley Ipkiss or is it the Loki mask that he finds at the bottom of the water?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Allegedly. We don't know what the deal is. We don't know if this is true or if it's not true or what the deal is, but there is an ongoing investigation, and there's 100% of the samples they're saying have traces of metal. I will say this. If you had asked me, I would have said they had traces of crack because, boy, oh, boy, once I pop, I cannot stop. This is just my opinion.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I honestly think... I think Girl Scout cookies are overrated. You're bananas. I don't think they're bad. I think they're overrated. I think people are like, oh, I need 10 boxes. They're fine. Well, it's because the boxes are cheap-ish, I guess, and... I don't know, dude.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I will say whoever was just like, let's get these little kids to peddle the cookies.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I recently bought Girl Scout cookies for like a family member. What's your favorite one? I was going to say the old name, but apparently they're not called Samoa's anymore. They're called caramel delights. And then they have these little ones that are like French toast. What? Whoa, dude. Yeah. Hell yeah. I'm into French toast. Hell yeah. Do you like Girl Scout cookies? A couple.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I don't like Thin Mints. They can go ahead and die a fiery death. Thin Mints suck.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
So much. Triple suck. It's insane. And they're probably the most popular. People love them. They are disgusting to me. I think we did an episode. We did a video, a Standing Out of Studios video, what was more popular, Thin Mints?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No, it was him. No. Yeah, because it was like the one where it was like the rock and it's like zero or one or something like that. I was there for that. Dumber than a box of rocks. Something like that. Or maybe it was another one, but I forgot what is... I did a Tate...
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No, no, no, but I'm saying we did an episode or something, and it was just like, thin mints are the most popular, true or false, or something like that. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, they're whack. But, I mean, anything chocolate and mint flavored can go ahead and just do what it needs to do. Mint chocolate chip ice cream? Garbage. Garbage. Absolute pee-pee. Basura. Absolute basura. Yeah, see...
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No, I think Caramel Delights are the best. Those are good. Tagalongs are good. What the hell is a tagalong? It's the peanut butter ones. Hell no. Yeah, you hate that combination, but it's good. Hell no.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Adventurefuls. These cookies are newer edition featuring a crispy cookie with a caramel and peanut butter filling.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
That doesn't sound bad. I will say, great job naming them, except the Samoans were upset about that. Those are good. Our peanut butter. What's with all the peanut butter, guys?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I'm just noticing that. What's with all the peanut butter?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Well, look up the French toast ones. Those are fucking bananas. Also, I'm not... Can you just type in Girl Scout flavors? Girl Scout... Girl Scout cookie flavor. I think everyone knew what you meant. All right. Thank you. You never know. Out of context. Yeah. You know what's good? And I know I'm going to get shit for this. Meat and cookies. Way to go, Girl Scouts. I can't.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Why are we attacking Girl Scouts? We is crazy. I feel like you were saying something. Adventureful. The do-si-dos are great. Caramel delights are great. Those are good. Caramel chocolate chip I've never had. Adventure Falls look interesting.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I hate lemon-flavored baked goods. I hate that. I hate it because it's not... It's just overly lemony.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
It's not like a hint of lemon. Yeah, give me some zest. Zest me, but don't fucking like... I love a good zest.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Zest all over me. Yeah. Go down? Gotcha. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
94, yeah. The 94 smash hit, Jim Carrey in The Mask. The Mask. He had three movies that year. The Mask, Dumb and Dumber, and the first Ace Ventura.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Big year for big old teeth Jim. Well, he didn't have big teeth. No, he's gone. Do you think if you were to create your own drug? We're back to the drugs, by the way. Are you doing meth? Right. Are you going something a little less... You just said create your own drug. Oh, you mean like cook it? Like you can cook it or make it, you know? Oh.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. , , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P gi ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ac aut P P P P P P , , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P P P autplplplplplplplpl ag ag ag ag ag G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G P
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I saw once there was a video of Gordon Ramsay when people were making cocaine. You know how like certain people get to it just like... Gordon Ramsay was making cocaine? He was with people that were making cocaine. He was with people making cocaine? Yeah, it was like one of those... You ever see those like documentaries? I'm picturing him. You dickhead! Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
and i was a bad angry man that day i honestly like this is happening with i the tv that we have i wanted to put i i needed the original legs for it because i don't want to hang it up on a on a what's it called a bracket yeah so i just want to put it on the legs so i had to go to the company and be like can you ship me the legs they're like yeah they're like good news they're in stock cool the
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Like, if you're going to send me the things that I asked for a month after, send me an extra pair immediately. so I could throw them in the ocean. This is why I don't like shopping online.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Right. So when Becca gets something, I'm like, is it for me? I was like, do you mind if I open it? You haven't opened anything. She's like, yes, you can open it. And I open it. I'm like, Whoa, what is this?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You know, but bro, I recently bought something for Becca for Valentine's day.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I fucking buy it. Ten minutes later, I get an email. It's back ordered. I can't. And I'm like, and it's like, we'll let you know when your shipment is ready.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I hate that. I just, I hate. What is back order? I just spit.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
They get me so angry. At least be transparent if it's a pre-order. Tell me when. If I'm not expecting this, I'm not getting until summer, make a pre-order, I'm fine with that. I hate when people use business terms when they're like, pre-order this ship's Q1. And it's like, just fucking tell me what month.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Don't narrow it down to a fucking 25% of the year. If you're going to do a pre-order, Be transparent with me. Tell me how many weeks. Tell me if it's going to be months or if I'm going to get this in 2035. I just want some transparency. Don't tell me like pre-order. We'll figure it out. I can't do this.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
But also, and I know I'm probably going to get flack for this because I know that there's like actual logistics that go into this. If I pre-order something... There's no reason that you should cap the pre-order unless you're doing it for art purposes. What does that mean? I remember there was a company I was looking at. They had a really cool watch, and it was on pre-order.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And it was like, oh, our pre-orders have exceeded the limit. And it's like, order more. Order more. Well, they're making them. I know. But order more. Have them make more. I know.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Literally by hand. Him and his elves. Is that offensive toward... No, it's fine. Okay. Him and his... The elven men. The elven... Well, elven women can contribute if they choose. And elven women. You know, I'm assuming the elven women do a lot over there. Well, boy, what's that mean? What do you mean? Is that... Is that okay to say? That elven women are working hard in the North Pole? Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Why would that be bad to say? I don't know. I just want to be careful and make sure we're not accidentally offending the elves in the North Pole.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Make them. They're pre-ordered months out as it is. But they're also probably doing a pre-order. And I know there's an actual answer for this. I know that. But it's not your problem. I'm a customer. I get to be angry. The customer's always right. Rule one. Rule two. Rule two. If it's in stock and then suddenly becomes backorder, give me a discount. Because I bought this under false pretenses.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
If this was backordered, I wouldn't even dream of ordering it.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Buying something backordered? What do you think I am, a bitch?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
They're fucking your wife in front of you, Joey. Legitimately. And then they're like, we'll let you know when we're done. Or it's like, oh, you want this? You can totally have it. I give them the money and say, well, I'll decide when to get it to you, though. Companies, we're on to you. And we're not, we're going to be the one to break the fucking... Snake oil salesman pieces of shit. Hell yeah.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No dignity, no respect, or loyalty to your customers. And I'm going to do you one better, you goddamn...
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
It's too raw. It was pork. That's what it was. You don't want raw pork. That can be a little dangerous. When I was in Europe, I ordered pork and the guy was like, we do it red here. I was like, what? He's like, yeah, I'm just letting you know. I was like, I don't have the stomach. I'm an American. So cook the fuck out of it. Red pork. Yeah, that's how they serve it there. No, no, no.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
If you have a thing on your website that's like, sign up for alerts of when it comes back in stock. I better get one email from your company. You don't. And it better be when it's back in stock.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
We'll email you when it's back in stock. Go to hell. Don't send me an email. Don't ever go out of stock. You know business people. Call them. Let them know we're on to them. Let them know that we have figured them out.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I'm not going to start cooking meth. Do you think you'd be good at cooking meth? No, because I have no knowledge of chemistry. Although, I will say this. It's probably just like cooking. I am confident enough. What are you doing?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Cut me off while I'm singing High School Musical bananas. Just go. You look like Dylan Efron today. Who's that? Zac Efron's brother. Don't know him. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. If you want to get into therapy, you can do so with BetterHelp. They make it customizable. They make it very easy to talk to a therapist.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Just under 48 hours, so it's a quick turnaround. They also make it very easy for you to jump from therapist to therapist so that you can find the right fit for you.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
that is a very important part of the onboarding process you can't just talk to someone who you're kind of uncomfortable with you want to find someone who you feel like understands you so it's important that you are picky when it comes to your therapist okay they have a bunch of therapists that are that specialize in different things so you know if you have problems with a relationship or
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
you know, some sort of trauma or something like that, you can find someone that has some sort of specialty to help you, you know, sort of narrow it down. And like I said, it's customizable, so you can do it as frequently or as infrequently as you would like. If you want to do it every week, every other week, bi-monthly, whatever the case may be, you can do so.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Another big selling point with BetterHelp is that it is more affordable than in-person therapy, okay? Traditional in-person therapy can be anywhere from $100 to $250 per session. I've even seen double that, honestly. So with BetterHelp, it is a fraction of the cost, more affordable, and we're going to save you some money anyway. Your well-being is worth it.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Visit BetterHelp.com slash BasementYard today to save 10% off of your first month, okay? That is BetterHelp spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash BasementYard right now, and you will get 10% off of that first month, okay? And lastly here, we have skims. Okay. Skims are unbelievable. Some of the best underwear.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Now I find myself opening my underwear drawer and I will dig to find these skims underwear. Okay. I just realized right now, as I said, dig through my underwear drawer that I have too much underwear because I will only put this on my body now. It is too comfortable. It is breathable. It's nice.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
It's the right amount of elastic so it doesn't feel, like, tight and, you know, constricting or anything like that. But, you know, it keeps everything in place, but it's also not going to make you, like, sweat a lot or, you know, give you a stomach ache because the elastic band is, like, super tight or anything like that. It's nice.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And skims, you know, for a while people thought this is just for women, but it looks very comfortable. Wish they were for men. Boom, they are. Okay? And I'm telling you, I've worn them. Frankie's worn them. Ant's worn them. Everybody's wearing them.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
all the cool kids are doing it with the skims so uh you know for you know maybe a holiday or maybe a birthday or something get your fellows some skims or if any fellows are watching this right now you want some comfortable underwear dude skims so go to skims uh and uh yeah enjoy that okay shop skims men and more and more at skims.com and skims new york flagship on fifth avenue
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I don't like that. Bro, I did see what, there was like a place in like Japan that did like chicken sashimi. You have a better chance. That's bananas. Of me eating a whole thing of mustard. Like I'm not, that's crazy. But back to the. Wait, one second. On Japan. I don't know if it's Japan. Feels like Japan. You ever see the videos of them making that omelet? That's like wet. Hell yeah.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Um, let them know that we sent you after you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the dropdown menu. Okay. Skims, the official underwear partner of the NBA, WNBA and USA basketball. Huge. So like I said, go shop, um, skims, men's and more at skims.com.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And when you make your order, select podcast, put in our podcast, let them know that we sent you and enjoy that lovely underwear on your body. Okay. And, um,
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
let's just let's just where were we by the way oh we yelled oh my god i want to ask you a question oh my god okay saw this thing on tiktok and stop me if you've seen it okay stop me if you've seen it be fucking honest all right okay fuck whoa jesus let me ask you a precursor there's a lot of questions being thrown at me right now there's only gonna be two one how much do you think you pee a day we're back on piss heavy on the big p episode yeah it's huge boys be pissing
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
This is the thumbnail. Right. The pissing dogs. Don't do that. Pissing boys. No. How much do you think you pee a day? Fluid ounces. Or pints or gallons? I would say I probably pee a gallon of piss a day. Damn, that's crazy. I've been really good with my water intake. Nice. For like the last couple months. I've been consistently drinking at least a gallon of water every day. Wow.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
That's why I always have that smart water bottle. Because it's a quart bottle. Okay. So was that four of those? Four of those a day. That's it, babe. Now let me ask you. Okay. Just so you know, I don't know where my TikTok algorithm has led me. It definitely has not led me to piss. So I think we're safe. Really, baby? We're here right now.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Wow. Too many people. That's a ton of people. That's way too many. Everyone at the same time pissing. I've never seen or been to the Grand Canyon. Like a normal pee, too. I know.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Just a normal average pee. Yep. Oh, man. How big is the Grand Canyon? I don't even know how to answer that. Big? Big is my answer. All right. I would say if everyone on Earth, they're on the edge of the Grand Canyon, we're all pissing. And we're assuming that the Grand Canyon is lined with a non-absorbent material. No evaporation. So it's going to be like a pool liner. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
How long would it take to fill up the Grand Canyon if it had a pool liner with human piss? Right. I would say a billion people, man. I would say... Eight billion. Eight billion people. Yeah, yeah. I would say maybe like a month. Right? That's what I thought. Yeah, I'd say a month. Hands shaking his head.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You're telling me there's a viral video going around, but you know about this piss-filled thing? You're just a piss guy. Just a piss guy. Dude, so the amount that you can fit in the Grand Canyon is 1.2 quadrillion gallons? Is that 24 zeros or 40 zeros?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
It's a cool video, but I'm not eating that. I've tried it and I. What? Where? In my home. What do you mean where? Oh, I thought you went and tried it at a restaurant.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
So if every – so 8 billion gallons a day, that's a lot of gallons, brother. So on average, apparently, people piss a half gallon, which is still a lot of pee. Yeah. I would imagine I pee probably a half gallon too because I retain some of the water I drink. Yeah. I think – So this is what this says. Is the math 100% correct? Not for me to decide here. I mean, you're not a mathematician.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Maybe a thousand years. Here's the thing. With questions like this, you're either criminally under what the answer is, like we are with a month, or you're outlandishly over. Here's the thing. Thousand years sounds way more like realistic. 800,000 years? I feel like I could fill it in at 800,000 years.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Well, first of all, you ain't living to be 800,000, Joey. I'm saying in a wizard life where I could live that long and pee. That's a lot of years. I guess I never knew how big is the Grand Canyon, dude.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I've tried to make it because it's like... You make it with chopsticks? I tried using chopsticks and... How many attempts? Three? Oh, one attempt because it failed gloriously. Got it. But like they like cook it and then they like fold it and they roll it and then they like cut it over rice. Cutting it is very cool. Apparently that's like the originator of it, the founder of those omelets. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
If it's taking this long to fill, it would piss. It can't be that big. They've got to be doing some math incorrectly. I did go on Reddit because I was like, let's see. Oh, it must be real on there. No, no, no. This is a video that went viral. So I went on Reddit to see... Or I was looking it up to make sure I had the numbers correct. And then I saw a Reddit link. And then someone did math.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And they were like, I think this thing is off.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I don't know. I mean, you'll probably see some, like, water accumulation.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
What are you talking about? I was going to make a joke about your canyon-like asshole. Insinuating that you normally get it. Got it. Yeah. Estimated volume of the Grand Canyon is 4.17 trillion cubic meters. Which, what is that? I don't even know what a cubic meter is. A cubic meter is a meter. That's a square. By a meter, by a meter. That's bananas.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
So like six feet by six feet by six feet, roughly. Or no, three feet, sorry. A meter is about three feet and change, right?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Um, I like how I'm acting. And, like, he knows. You're the one that has been to school the most recently, so. I knew. There are 8.2 billion people on the planet, but for our purposes, we'll only include people over the ages of 15. Why? Why? No, baby's pissed, dude. Baby's pissed, brother. That's what I'm saying. What is this person doing? So, equally, roughly 6.5 billion people. Even that.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
One cubic meter is a thousand liters. So, we'll need... I can't even read that number. It's an insane number. Each person produces roughly 1.4 liters of urine a day. With 6.5 billion people, that's 9.1 billion liters a day. At that rate, it would take 458,241 days to fill the Grand Canyon. Which is how many years? I don't know. Divide that by 365.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Not bad, buddy. Really great, buddy. 1,255 years. You said 1,200. Oh, wow. Look at me. You don't even remember? Just say it with confidence. Math. Good memory. Puff your chest. I'm sorry. Even 1,200 years.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
that's so much longer than i'm even believing i don't even believe that i just think that this is a like i don't think people realize how much piss like the average person pisses a half gallon a day but then you have freaks like greg who pisses several gallons a day greg is pissing at an alarming rate i think realistically me let's do a social experiment let's get a bucket in here One cubic.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I'm not doing this. And we just pee in it. No. Or dump our piss into it. We're back to the front. You want to piss on piss. That's how you get your rocks off. You know, Steve-O, I don't know. Did you ever? You definitely didn't. Steve-O does stand-up specials now, and he had a stand-up special. I watched it last year with my brother.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
It's basically some stand-up, and he mixes in some stunts and stuff. Some of them are fun.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
fucking crazy i don't want to give it away because i respect you mr steve-o one of them i will give away he collects urine from everyone he knows for like seven months or six months including the urine that's in his like traveling rv and he puts it in a pool and he dives into the pool like a kiddie pool go ahead take that in Steve-O, by the way, you're alive after that.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Apparently, it's like a super exclusive restaurant to get into. So, like, I know if you go to Japan, that's on your- No, I'm not. I'm not. No? I don't like soaking wet eggs. I don't like dry eggs, but like something in between. But those are like- Bro. Well, they're cooked. They're safe. Like, you're okay. Maybe. I would do it.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Bro, he's done way crazy shit. Swimming in a little piss. Swimming in a little piss? Swimming in a little piss, baby. That is so gross, dude. That sounds like a rejected Jimmy Buffet song. Swimming in a little piss. Imagine the smell. Yeah, it smells like piss, probably. Worse. A lot of piss. Worse. It can't be worse than cat piss. I'm sure it's definitely worse.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No, I'd rather a pool of human piss than cat piss. Are you crazy? I don't even know if I have a preference, to be honest with you. Yeah, Steve-O, if you're ever in the area, what's up? Go piss on Frank. No. He'd love it. No, stop that. Apparently. No. Hey, Steve-O, if you're ever in the area, let's pee on each other's pee. No. And then you can swim.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
That doesn't seem... All right, what about if people crapped? way longer because the average person is like one day, one crapper a day.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
It's a million billions, right? It's just so big. It's a million quadrillion.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Clown numbers. Did you ever see the thing that was just like the richest man in history was like some like African king or something, and it was like he valued what the land was, or like Genghis Khan, and it was like what the land was valued that he had conquered was like trillions and trillions of dollars or something like that. That's crazy.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I don't... So what, a billion is 990... A billion is 1,000... A trillion is a thousand billions or a million billions.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I remember, what's a Google? Is that a hundred zeros? Why did we even get that high? They're not even usable to use these numbers. I mean, they are when you talk about stuff like space travel and shit like that. And piss. And piss. One, oh. What am I looking at here? Can you zoom in on this stuff? One trillion. That's bananas.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
One trillion dollars visualized. Those are double... And by the way, those are double stacked. Double stacked pallets like that.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
That $100 million is not what I thought it was going to be.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
That's it? I really struggle when people are just like, you wouldn't be able to carry this much money in a bag because it's too heavy. I struggle with that. It's just paper. And I know it's like $100, 100 pounds of paper. They say, what's heavier, 100 pounds of bricks or 100 pounds of feathers? And it's like, brother, they're both 100 pounds. Bro, if you give me a backpack...
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Have you ever had the- I remember I told you about the Gordon Ramsay eggs, right? In- At nauseam, you've done that thing. Oh, my God. They're so good. A little bit of creme fraiche. I do a little sour cream because I'm not hung off when you got creme fraiche at your shop, right? Creme fraiche would be great. You know? But then, like, you have, like, the chives or a little green onion.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
and my clothing and like some janko jeans or whatever you're wearing like recently i'm walking out of there with at least 50 million dollars because it's paper i i don't think that you could do that just because like i think that's like more than you think but like were those how heavy is how much it weigh about 22 pounds i don't think the pounds is the problem 22 pounds?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Dude, it'd weigh about 22 pounds. You could easily fit a million dollars into a briefcase, backpack, or duffel bag. Yo, 50... Wait, hold on. What the fuck is this? Whoa, 50 million weighs 500 kilograms, about half a ton.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I think... Bro, 50 million dollars weighing half a ton?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Well, what if it's $100 bills? How much is a million? 45 pounds?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
A million dollars is 45 pounds? Bro, I think that money is like heavier than you think, but like half a ton. Nah. It's 50 million? I refuse to believe that. I refuse. I actually believe it. I think it makes sense. Bro, paper is heavy, dude. If you're... A paper is heavy. Bro, remember we had to haul... Did you bring any of those fucking stacks of paper out?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No, I was in here when you guys said you got it. Bro, those are heavy. Well, they're little reams of paper. Yeah, but those are like not... How much would one of those be in money? 500 sheets. How would I even make a guess? 500 sheets on four bills. I'm just saying, give me a duffel bag. I'm leaving with at least you. I mean, you weren't there for this video, but remember those $10,000 things?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Like those are obviously very light. 10 of them though is a hundred grand only. Yeah. And then 10 times. No, but I'm saying like, that's a hundred grand. And like, that's like a lot of space. Like to fit that in something I think is difficult and it probably wouldn't be heavy. And that's only a hundred grand. I got it. I'd be good. You're not carrying $50 million.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Bro, put me... Here, I have a great video idea for you. Put me in an enclosed room and say you can... Whatever you... You put as much money as you have in there. Whatever you can walk out with, you can keep. And I'm easily bankrupting you. How much money do you think I have? You think I have $50 million fucking dollars? I've seen your bank accounts. I know that you have at least $400 million.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Imagine I would be living in Tuscany right now. I'll be honest. I think about it often. What? Having that much money. $400 million? Yeah, it'd be... I would quit well before that. Did you fart? No, I don't know what that was. Imagine you just let a fart rip. Like, I need more reasons. Give me more reasons. Give me one reason to stay here. You know that song?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Don't know it, but we're going to get out of here before that continues.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Frank, where can they find you? Don't cut me off when I'm singing. You don't even know what song it was. Give me one reason to stay here by Tracy Chapman. Give me one reason. Oh. You know, Tracy Chapman. Yeah. I guess we're getting out of here. FAlvarez885 on Twitter, TheFrankAlvarez on all other forms of social media, that being Instagram and TikTok. Go check out the Patreon.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You know, get really into it, and you just keep it. Pat it on, off. On the heat, off the heat. On the heat, off the heat. Chives is a decoration. Doesn't really add.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Go check out TheBasementYard at TheBasementYard everywhere you enjoy us. Thank you for the love, support, everything that I could think of. I'm a little fried right now. I'm kind of hungry. It's totally fine. Food's on the way. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
It's a decoration. It doesn't add anything. I don't even know how you're getting that octave, Mariah Carey. Jesus. No, they definitely have like a garlicky, buttery taste. Absolutely. Ant, please, for the love of God.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You're looking at us like something's going on.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I love, oh, man, I love green onion and chives. And just, like, I love herbs. I love cooking. I like a lot of shit. I'm like, you know what I'm having a renaissance with? Big cilantro house right now. Becca has been crushing the cilantro dishes. Why does the earth hate cilantro? Because there's like half of the earth that is just absolute stupid, and they taste cilantro as like soap.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
That's devastating. I've never tasted that, nor have I ever had cilantro being like, oh, what is that?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Start the timer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Start the timer. Demonetize. Yeah. Oh, wait. I think it's just similar to cooking. If you're a good cook, then you're a good cook. No, but I think, like, there's, like, titration and, like. What's that? Polymerization. That's a Pokemon card. No. Yu-Gi-Oh? It might have been Yu-Gi-Oh. Yeah, I think it was.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I don't even like. It's like a gene. It's like the asparagus pea thing. Like not everyone smells. It's like a certain gene in their body. There's some people on this earth who will eat asparagus and pee normally. Yeah. Weird.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And like instantly too. Bro. Coffee, same thing. If I take it, really? Bro, I'm pissing. Wait, what is coffee? Your piss smells like coffee? If I have a coffee, the next time that I pee, which is usually not that far after, it smells like I'm...
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
A cup. That's a bowl of coffee. I can smell coffee in my piss. Really? Yeah. I've never heard of that, but I don't think that's a well-known thing. Are you a coffee drinker? I don't think I've ever seen you drink coffee. I like coffee. Have you ever smelled coffee piss?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No, that might be you. You might be. Honestly, we might have found something out about you. Yeah, no, I can definitely smell it. But asparagus piss? It's stinky. It's wet and it's hot. You think there's any freaks out there that are just like, pee on me, but asparagus pee on me.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Ew! What do you mean? Ew-y! But I think that if you were into piss, you'd be like, I want this to be piss. I don't want it to be some like, whack shit. I mean, that's a great question. On other people's lives, you need to talk to someone that's into pee-pee play.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
like yo like do they charge like this is an untapped market and we might be into a business thing here one thing i've learned doing other people's lives it is so tapped i promise you it's tapped you sure a hundred percent because like you can get really i mean look at what we saw last week dr dan okay yeah dr dan is really he's a smart businessman so like is there a way to be more playful with pp
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You know? And then, like, we could do, like, a really dehydrated pee, like a yellowy, frothy bastard. This is what I mean is, like, if I was into piss, I would want it to be, like, give me your pee. Like, don't drink for three days. Whack piss. Like, make it stink and hot and yellow. But if it's whack, like, ugh, like, stale pee. Stale? Like day old pee. That's so disgusting.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Like off the side of the BQE in a water bottle. There's nothing I hate more than day old pee. When I would go to Connecticut with you guys and you would pee on your piss and the piss would just sit there, I would flush it every time. Oh, pee on piss.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Yeah. I couldn't piss on this piss. For those of you guys that don't know what Joey's referencing, at the lake house that we grew up going to,
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
they're all work they're all ran on like early 1900s septic tank systems like they are not good and the rule there is just like they have like a little jingle in this aisle of fun and sun we never flush our number one yeah and then so people would pee and then leave it there the next person would pee on that pee and they would and i go in there i'd be like i'm not pissing on this old ass piss and i'd flush it
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
But, like, polymerization and chemistry, I don't know enough about chemistry. I am confident, though, that if I did want to learn chemistry, I'd be able to do it. I don't think you need to learn chemistry, bro. The other guy became really good at it, and he's an idiot. Well, because he was watching him, and he was a fucking master chemist. He was cooking his own. You could cook good enough meth.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
What's the, why, what's the issue? Because it's like, because I've done it before, and it just kicks up a smell that I'm not, I feel disgusting.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I don't like when, if something stinks so much.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
it feels like it gets on me and then i'm like i can't oh really yeah but then you just jump in the water and you're good yeah because you've pissed in the water right next to someone so hard i've done that do you like try to like play it off because i remember when i was a kid and everyone would be like are you pissing in the lake and i'd be like no so like i made it so like when i am peeing i'm like more talkative because normally people are just like they'll be like talking and like
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And then they'll keep going, like, oh, that's when you peed. But I would just be like, yeah, so, like, what's everyone thinking about right now? Like, we're going to have a really fun night playing Manhunt or something? Pissed the whole time. Yeah. You know? I've pissed in that lake many a time. What is the most you'll pee on a pee before you flush it?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Because at the lake, we've gotten to, like, I'm talking, like, iced tea levels of dark pee. I'm not. That is so gross. You're disgusting. I won't do it.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You don't think it's like a level of like... I want up to you. My pee is on your pee now, bitch. What are you, a dog? You're going out there and you're pissing on other people's piss? I just think like the times I've been to like restaurant bathrooms or something and like someone doesn't flush or bars. That happens? Oh, yeah. I can honestly say I've never experienced that.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Well, a lot of places now have automated things. So like when the person is done, they walk away. It flushes automatically. But like I've been to places where it's just like there's just piss. That's crazy. Ant, you have something to contribute to the piss talk.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Yeah. That's every toilet that you use ever.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
No, but some of them, I refuse to believe that like toilets that have a weaker flush are spraying piss and shit everywhere. Now I've been to some toilets that are like the Cedar Rapids. Let me make that very clear. Airplane toilets. Nothing's getting out of that. It sucks everything. It sucks your fuck. Yeah. Bro, I don't like automated toilets.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Like in the airport, if you have to use the bathroom, which I've had to do against my will, I will sit there and it will flush in the middle of me sitting there. And it's such a scary moment for me. Yeah, because then your butt is all pee-peed poop-ton.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I have a thing where, like, I like to, like, you ever seen, like, a movie about, like, the mob or some, like, organized crime? And, like, whenever they, like, whack someone, they, like, or, like, the shot in Inglourious Bastards after they kill the guy, one of the guys, one of the Nazis. Bad. Well, if we're not demonetized before. I don't know.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Don't be down on yourself. You can cook good enough meth. I mean, I'm not trying to cook meth. Let's make that very clear. You do a great job. Let's make that very clear. I'm not cooking meth. I don't have it in me to cook meth. I wouldn't be a good meth cooker. I wouldn't do it because I heard it explodes if you're bad. I heard that it's like...
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
The way the world's working, we might get more money for saying that. They said Nazis. Give them the money. You know how they kneel down and they're standing over them and it's like the point of view shot? I kind of like to, after I use a bathroom, to look and see what I did. Wait, what? You pee in a toilet and then you stand over it and look at it? I stand over it and I look at it.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Like, look what you did, you filthy pisser. Therapy, dude. Like, I can't even suggest it enough. How is that therapy? Frank, that's not a normal thing to be doing in the world. Why not? Why are you looking at your piss like, look what you did? Well, like, just... It's a sense of, like, it's hurting. Like, what is that? It's hurting over there.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Just, like, looking down at it, like... And just walking away. Like, I... Job complete. Like, I pissed in you. You know, mission complete. I did what I had to do here. Fucking... You do that whenever you go to the bathroom? No. Yeah, pretty much. I would say almost every time. Wow. I also, you know, I know I've told you this before. Right. But I had a little race between the toilet and my piss.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I do that too. Just for fun, man. Yeah, like when you're getting near the end, you're like, I'm going to flush this thing. Just to see who finishes first. You are the toilet. It's always a competition. Classic. Tails all this time.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. Ooh, you look excited.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I appreciate it I'm trying to be like Francisco across the world like a scratch on the pavement. Yeah That makes sense I don't know. What does that mean? Francisco wrote this. Right, yeah, not you. Oh, no.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Oops. By the way, we're not putting it in the episode, but the photo that we were talking about, that when we were young, people were like, oh, yo, go to lemonparty.org. It's a dope website. And you would go, and there's a picture of an old guy blowing another old guy. And another old guy just hanging out.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Yeah. We just went to that, and it showed the picture for a second, and then it just looked like the Matrix. And it was like, your computer's going to explode.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
But I am curious, but don't go back. But yeah, no, that's...
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
To be like, like a raw piece of human meat. Okay. You smell like that?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Well, not musty. I don't know. When I think of musty, I just mean like it's like potent.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
You ever have sex in a room, and it's like, okay, that was great, and then you walk out, maybe to, like, whatever, and then you come back in the room, and you're like, whoa.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I'm being like, yo, just open a window. Let's get the smell out of here.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I don't like being in them. I have very sensitive lungs, I think.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Guys, I hope that people are paying attention here. I hope that people are paying attention to the... the slow progression into a monster that this kid has become.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Or like, I'm like, bro, you remember one time we went in like Connecticut and they're like, we were just like looking around. There was one that literally looked like that. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Whoa. Smoking poles. And the word musty is still up on the screen. We do have some sponsors. We're going right to the sponsors. I think we have some from there. I mean, what better way to transition into the sponsors?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Whoa! Squarespace is going to create all of your website needs. They have a bunch of features on there that are going to help you optimize your traffic. They're also going to help you build your website. Your website is going to be your first impression.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
When people come to your website, if it looks good, they're going to trust it a little bit more, more chance of a sale or whatever you're doing there. So yeah, with Squarespace, they have a lot of templates that make it very easy to build a great-looking website. So that's why I always point people in that direction. And I use it for all the websites that we create is through Squarespace.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
So definitely go check out Squarespace. And right now, you can head to squarespace.com slash basement, and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. And a lot of people have hit me up, and they've used this. They said it was very cool. Built their websites. Like, hey, check it out. So it's nice to see that people are using it and using
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
creating the things that they want. So go to squarespace.com slash basement and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. We also have Caraway. Caraway, good looking, clean cooking. All right. I don't know what it is about me.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
This is coming in at the perfect time because in the last year I've been paying a lot of attention to like the pots and pans because I, you know, read some articles and the boys a little bit of a hypo. But I've read some articles about like some pots and pans are actually not the greatest to be cooking with because there's like toxins and when you're cooking and stuff.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I don't know the technical terms, but all I know is that Caraway makes beautiful cookware, and 95% of home goods have these toxic chemicals like Teflon and stuff like that. Over 70% of fry pans sold in America contain Teflon. So you want to stop cooking with toxins. But Caraway, you know, they're safer than all those other things. And like I said, they're beautiful. They're very sturdy.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I've been cooking with one for a while now, and they're amazing. So make the swap to non-toxic living today with Caraway's cookware set. It will save you $150 versus buying the items individually, okay? If you visit carawayhome.com slash basement, you can take an additional 10% off of your next purchase.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
This deal is exclusive for our listeners, so visit carawayhome.com slash basement or use the code basement at checkout, okay? Non-toxic cookware, if you're going to be cooking at home, you're going to want to make sure that you're doing it in the most healthy way possible, so... This is huge for me. Like I said, 95% of home goods are made with toxic chemicals like Teflon or PTFE, whatever that is.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
But make the swap to non-toxic with Caraway. Again, that is CarawayHome.com slash basement. And use the code basement at checkout.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
At the very end of the Santa Gata Studios videos, which if you don't know, YouTube.com slash Santa Gata Studios. We post every week. But at the end of that, there used to be a song that would play, but apparently it got copyrighted. Yeah. So Ant's just been going at the end and going, ba-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba. And he says something.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
He does commentary. Yeah. Bro, I had no idea this existed. Apparently it's been going on a while. And we watched the video that just came out yesterday. of me and Greg on the drive home, and then we're just watching it, and we're laughing. It was the video with me and Keith. And then it started playing through the speakers of my car.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I'm shocked you didn't know that. I was like, yo. Damn, that's crazy.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Yeah, he got me. But then we were like, did he just do this for this video? And then we started watching the other ones.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And then do commentary.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Yeah. I saw a video, and I don't know how fucking true this is, but I saw a video where it's like... I think it was like Japan or it was an Asian country that like there was a... like a bacteria or something, right? Can you try and find that?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Like the most efficient way. Incredible. That is the most ridiculous thing. Ant, are you kidding me with that? Wait, is that the actual thing? It is. This is what they did. No, this is what they did.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Dude, I'll tell you this right now. I'm racking up a bill.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
The red face. The red face and it's sweating. Wait, so I'm confused by this. The exceptions are, you said contraception.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Oh, so gay people can just raw dog each other and it's nothing? But the straights?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
The weight of this is getting insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but does this mean that you can't have raw sex with your wife? I imagine, yeah.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I'll say this. Married people using condoms. Kind of crazy.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I can't even talk, bro. I do that so often that there is compilations on TikTok of me just not being able to speak.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I see this kid pick up a fucking camera, and I'm like.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
This is a weird question, but stay with me. All right, here we are. Have you ever bitten a dandelion's head? I've eaten a dandelion, yeah. It's not good. Yeah, it's very bitter. Well, I'm not going for that. I meant, like, it's so hairy.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I'm talking about out of the ground, and you're about to make a wish, but you're like, this looks like Albert Einstein's head.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Cherry wine? Isn't there a guy online that makes wine or something?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
So it looks like it might be only one. I think it's one. All right. Well, yeah, they have one nomination. They're one for one. Best dance recording. Okay, that makes sense. Song was a smash.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
See, that one got played out for me very quickly. Really?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
We have, like, the ones that are, like, instructions, though, because this one's a, yeah. Yeah, like, instructional dance. Bro, also, I honestly think there should be a federal law now that we're passing ridiculous laws in this country.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Yeah, no nothing, fucking whatever else we got going on here. I think that it should be a federal law, written into federal law. I want to dance with somebody by Whitney Houston being at every single fucking dance.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Yo, I've been to a lot of weddings where they don't have it.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Before we get more into the songs, we do have some more sponsors.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy, so if you want to talk to a therapist, you can do so through BetterHelp. You can start talking to one in just under 48 hours. They make it very easy to connect. Not only that, but also very easy to swap from therapist to therapist so you can find the right fit for you because that is part of the onboarding process.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
You want to talk to someone you kind of vibe with. You don't want to just talk to someone you're kind of like, I don't really like this person, so I'm not really going to disclose, blah, blah, blah. But yeah, I've been in therapy for a long time. I think that everyone should be in it. It's great. I cannot say that enough. But yeah, it's fully online. It's customizable.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
It's also affordable and convenient. You can talk to a therapist either if you want to do every single week or every other week or once a month or something like that. It's customizable in that way. But, yeah, you can access a diverse network of over 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. So they have someone for you there.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
And you can visit betterhelp.com slash basementyardtoday to get 10% off of your first month. Like I said, it's more affordable than in-person therapy, which can be very, very expensive. So with BetterHelp, you know, it's a fraction of the price, and you can save that extra 10%. Like I said, if you go to betterhelp.com slash basemanyard today, get 10% off of that first month.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
It's spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash basemanyard. So go save that 10% on that. Also, lastly here, we have Omaha Steaks. Omaha Steaks delivers the world's best steak experience and brings people together with more than 100 years of family-owned expertise as America's original butcher. They sent me and Frank a care package of steaks. These are high-quality steaks, okay?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
You put them in your freezer, and you can just thaw them out and cook them. It's amazing. But, yeah, it's great to have. It's nice because sometimes when you go to the supermarket, they don't really have the cuts that you want, or maybe you don't live near a butcher or anything like that. Omaha Steaks got you covered with all the, you know, top quality meats here.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
They have legendary steaks to classic comfort food. Bring home the exceptional handcrafted flavor and convenience of Omaha Steaks. Okay. But yeah, they have a bunch of different cuts. It's, You know, it's amazing. So don't miss the semi-annual sale at Omaha Steaks. Visit omahasteaks.com for 50% off site-wide. And for an extra 30 off, use the promo code BASEMANYARD at checkout, okay?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
So that is 50% off at omahasteaks.com and an extra $30 off with the promo code BASEMANYARD at checkout. So you're saving a bunch of money there on these steaks. Jump on this deal. I am telling you right now, okay? So go get yourself some nice steaks.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Yeah. Yeah, we know. We know we were getting to this.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Allow us to lift it up and skip it across a pond because this is the greatest thing that's hit the internet and I don't even know how long.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Yeah, they put them in a house. Basically, they take a couple who's on the rocks, they put them in separate houses, and they surround them with hot, single people. Yeah. It's like a recipe for disaster.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
And it's like, oh, let's see if there's temptation. Which is the dumbest way.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Let's put a bunch of people in a tropical island house.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Yeah. So this thing hit the internet. Unbelievable. This dude Montoya, man. He's really going through it. Basically, for those who don't speak Spanish, I'm raising my hand over here. I'm just going to describe what happens in the video. And you guys can kind of see it. I'll give you a rundown of what's going on. Just a preface. I don't think we can show this.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
So this dude, his girlfriend is in the other house. And also what they do on the show, because they are the biggest instigators in the world, they have... Like, security cameras everywhere. Everywhere.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
So they'll... If your partner is, like, talking to someone or they're out on a date with someone or they're, like, in the pool and they're getting kind of close or they're kissing or whatever's going on, they will show their partner... a video of it, and he's watching a video of his partner hooking up with someone else. Yeah, so let's talk.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
You want to just full screen? Actually, no, leave it like that.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
And then the night vision goes on, of course. And he's still watching.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I, you know, once you start, well, and there he goes. He's off to the races. So these houses, by the way, are down the beach from each other.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
And he's heading down to the other house to try and stop this hookup from happening. Unfortunately, it is too late. And he's pulling up to the house right now.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
As he picks up speed on the beach, you can turn it off at this point. As he picks up speed on the beach, she is now getting rabbit fucked by this other guy.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
His aunt's got a freeze frame right now. Can't put that in. But, yeah, it's kind of wild. As he's running on the beach and they cut to her, it's really like a jackhammering going on.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Maybe if he didn't run so fast on the beach, it would have been slower. Do you know what I'm saying? Or maybe if he started walking backwards, none of this would have ever happened.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Maybe. He'll be reminded. Yeah, and he's just like, oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Like rain on a tin roof. You're like, oh, God, Isaiah.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Come on. The video? What the hell do you think this is?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
It shouldn't be called a saxophone. Because it reminds me of a seahorse. Ooh, seahorse-a-phone. Well, that's not...
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I don't know. I don't know how I feel about being 33 years old. It feels old as shit.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Not in Atlanta. Why Atlanta? They're like the strip club capital of the world. Are they?
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
Well, technically it wasn't an act if he owns a strip club.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I knew that I wasn't going to like this. I just knew it. Born white as milk. You have to perform it. I can't.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
I was like, does that even rhyme? Like, okay. Okay. Little freckles.
The Basement Yard
#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
No, no, no. Do you know there's a lot of discourse now I've seen on TikTok of people like, okay, how tall is he though?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yo, I'm a big fan of bloody, by the way. When people from, like, England say, oh, it's bloody crazy.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
But if you say cheeky cunt, you can probably get away with that.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Do you remember who sang... I thought he was always on the go.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
You know, like microplastics and stuff like that, the amount of plastic in brain samples... has increased 50% since 2016. I'm going to think about that for the rest of the afternoon and scare myself.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
It's not like this, you know, whack looking thing. But anyway, there's no better time to make healthy swap to Caraway, our favorite cookware set. Save you $150 versus buying the items individually. If you visit carawayhome.com slash basement, you can take an additional 10% off of your next purchase, okay?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
This deal is exclusive for our listeners, so visit carawayhome.com slash basement or use the code basement at checkout. Caraway non-toxic cookware made modern.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I love the to you, about you, from you, to you. Well, I'm very good at this. In the name of the Father and the Son.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Would you get in like a shaky tub like that? Knock the dirt off of you?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yelping is funny. Well, that's what I picture a Yelp being. With barking and yelping is $25. Just doggy style, $22.50. Not bad. Barking and yelping being $2.50 seems fair to me. Put in $2.50, what would that be? So an extra $2.50.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
$26 for barking. $250 in 19, what was this, 1960 we're doing?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And then yelping's like... He's doing both. There's two dogs. Now I understand why it's 250. You had it. You preloaded.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
He's never from any experience experienced orgasm. I'm a virgin who needs gentle Dr. Damn. But titty chewing, $1.50.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah. A French tickler. Taking over the family business.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
See, here's the thing too. They have this, but it's kind of mysterious because you have no way of getting in contact.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
She was very Irish and, like, traditional, like— Irish Catholic. Yeah, Irish Catholic.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You smoked weed. You fucking pothead 420.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Get 25% off your subscription or try the app free for seven days at fitbot.me slash basement.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
If it meant you could be granted one wish. Can't be money. And you can't throw up.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. It's the same reason why there's foamy sea. From sea to shining sea. Oh, they don't say foamy in that song. From foamy sea to shining sea.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
No no no But it would be the easiest one I ever drank But if you put it in the freezer You would just have to let it sit there And you could like Chill it in that way But you can't put ice cubes in it So straight piss I'll do it then But what would you wish for?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
This kid is such a fucking... I'm so smart that I can convince people and manipulate the world and I run the world. I'm God.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Would you see all the 30 hitmen I hired? The assassins?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah. Oh, yeah You know how much money I would pay to watch you even sit in front of a plate of human shit me Yeah, why him why would gag maybe uncontrolled my you may suffocate from gay.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
This is the easiest thing in the world. It's crazy. Why would you want it chilled?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
His name is Edward Michael? Is anything in this world real?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Ew, don't actually do the thing. You hear the rumble? You rumble. This is now just the stupidest show ever. You've taken it to a new level of dumb.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Guys, that is all for this week's episode. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Oh, yeah. And then he'll make a fire out of, like, a stump and something else, and then he'll create a fire, and then he's got, like, bread. Ooh. And then he's got, like, a piece of meat. Ooh. Ooh. And then he's got... He's making... What are you doing? And then he's slicing tomatoes thin. Thin tomatoes. And he's got that giant fat knife. And they're see-through.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
There's a Canadian guy that does this, but he's, hello, buddy. You've never seen that? Have you ever seen... Don't skip over this. You skipped over me.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I was afraid that you were going to go off of these TikToks. It's like a little cabin. And he's got a big... He's got like a stash. And he goes, hello, buddy. And then he makes a thing. There's like a tea that he makes and a little meal. And then he sits down at the end of it. He's in this cabin with a tiny TV. He's playing like Duck Hunter, bro.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
This is so niche now. There's a guy who makes ancient tools.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
That's what I'm talking about. Oh, they put them on like paddles and stuff.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
You know? Honestly, I'm kind of sick of people like us just talking.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
I never once had a class. He just knew me through my mom, and he was just like, I want to write you a letter of recommendation. I was like, go nuts. For who?
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
But I remember when I, whether it was the landing strip or the F, I got a physical and my doctor saw it. And he was just like, yeah? And I was like, yeah, man. He was like, good for you. He was an old Greek man. He was like, you know, it's good for you, my friend.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
Bro, without exaggeration, I had probably six or seven letters of recommendation written.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
I wrote a letter of recommendation a couple times, and one of them was not a recommendation for the job. It was a... You're a piece of shit.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
I think you should ask somebody else." And they were just like, I have nobody else to ask.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
Lover of Mac Miller. They'd say, yo, let's read this. Absolutely.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
Yeah, and if you want something that's not only feeling warm and cozy around your bottom, you want something that's making you feel warm and cozy in your heart, right here in your chest, go to patreon.com slash thebasemanyard, where we're going to have more shows for you.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
Never pick it up. Scary, scary, scary, scary. Did I ever tell you I used to mess with those scam callers? I've done that. I kept them on the phone for like five, ten minutes.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
I stand by. I was a great prank caller. Prank called one of our friends as a girl saying I wanted to get intimate with them.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
touch your balls and like he was like with other friends of ours and he was just like yo she wants she's she's down you remember everyone would always say like dtf yeah yeah you know and then i would like pretended like my boyfriend took the phone and he was just like oh all right come through like let's fight and then you could hear i remember hearing our friend to our other friends say like yo you got the hammer stop i swear
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
And then he said, like, they're in the cut because I said, like, I'm coming to get you.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're just exploring that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
I don't know. I think it's like a horny thing maybe, right? You know how people like to do like, I'm at your place of work and I'm here. You know, like they do stuff like that. No, am I crazy? Yeah. Is Becca here or something? What are you talking about? I wish.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
So that's just a big white guy. That is a big-ass white guy. We're not reading that.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
Let's not talk about this as we're about to fly to Vancouver. Please, God almighty.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
And then I asked, and her response was, what? What, babe? Miles made fun of her after that. He would always make fun of her for it.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
He's like, fame isn't everything. I take it back. That's all right. Mr. Potter.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
I'd get this fucking nose out of my face. That's what I would say, honestly. Is that what you want?
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
Well, we also did have someone propose at one of our shows. Yes, and she said yes, thank God.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, keep this fucking horse galloping until the crows come singing, you know?
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
If masculinity were to taste like something, what would it taste like?
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
I don't know why I put an accent on that. Yeah, I don't know who the hell that was. That was like the Croatian version of Nick Jonas. Yeah. Nikolaj Jonaskov.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
You're singing more songs than I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's from Sonic Adventure 2.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
Go find the Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Find me at the Frank Alvarez all over the place. Find TheBasementYard all over the place. Do I get another sign-off?
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
I'm going to get the right one, and it's going to hit like a ton of bricks. But until next time, see you later. See you.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
I always forget that they're from Jersey. Are they from Jersey? Yeah, originally they're from Jersey.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
this september it'll be seven years okay once you get to 10 you're officially 10 years i'm fully in the trash yeah wait do you have a jersey license yeah where have you been you're that's treason i want to be very clear about something i wasn't happy when i had to switch it over right but like i had to switch that and my my like the plates on my car and everything because like did i ever tell you when my license got suspended during the pandemic for what
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
That whole you smell thing, remember I told you that story where my dad had to come in? I've told, this is a famous my father story.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
If no one's going to clean it up, that's what you have to do.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
And came back. That's it? Yeah. Came back, the girl ran out and was like really upset and the teacher like immediately was like, you downstairs, principal's office. I was like, fuck. And they had to like set up a hearing. My dad had to come in the next morning.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
My argument was multifaceted. One of them was, hey, listen, I was out at the bathroom. Here's when I signed out, signed in. You know, whatever.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
You were going to hear about that for a couple fucking months.
The Basement Yard
#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
And I think that not only were we memorable at the time, but, like, look at us now.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Have you never heard of Cisco? I'm having trouble. You've never heard of the thong song? I've heard of that. I didn't know who sang it.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
So who do you think sang it? God? No, also not that.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
What the hell is even that? That's terrifying. Is that from Outlanders? It might be.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
He's a legit musician. I know. Well, baby, that thong, thong, thong, thong. Said I like the way you move that thing.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
I think the last time that I went, I was with you. I've only been to Hooters like twice.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
You pray that he has your boot? Dear God. Dear God, please.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Worse. Would you let him make you shit your pants? Sure, but he would have to teach me how to do it at least. No, no, no.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Two weeks, bro. Two weeks. Oh, wait. It was about you being the best friend? Yeah. I thought it was about Kelsey. Like, he liked Kelsey.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
I have. I just don't believe he didn't ask for like a kiss or something. Oh, of course.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Our religion teacher said, we're going to learn about evolution. I don't believe in it. But we're going to learn about this.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
welcome back to the base welcome back to the basement yard i don't know why i lifted up my microphone but welcome back to the basement yard frank you're all in light blue show your muscles that's why you were doing it i don't know why i picked it up like this today you're goldie goldie locks what do you mean gold the gold the shirt gold this is called beige i know what it's called but i'm saying like everything like you got the gold on the watch i mean you're all light blue
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I was probably, if I was at one of those bar bar mitzvahs wearing a shirt and tie or something like that. And like a disposable yarmulke. You had a bunch of those.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah. They weren't disposable. I only have one left. It's a real yarmulke.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
um i don't know if they just gave you like yeah we'll give them one oh yeah i mean maybe i'm not sure they have clips no some of them mine doesn't have a clip that's why that's why i said i mean it's it's like a very like disposable is probably not what i want to say it's a good quality like it's like felt okay does it say like fucking jonah's 16th birthday you know i don't know if it i don't think it does but i'll check jacob's bar mitzvah who's the bar and the bot
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I don't remember. Forgive me. Yeah, we don't know. Our friends. Have you bought mitzvahed? Barred? Never. Yeah, me neither. I've been probably to more bar and bought mitzvahs than I have sweet 16s. I only went to two. And weddings. Okay, that's bananas. Bro, because I went to that camp on Long Island that was all Jewish kids too. And I went to a ton there. Wait, you were 15 back then?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I thought you were way younger than that. No, I was younger. Barnabas ministers are like 12 and 13. Oh, I thought it was like 16. I thought it was like a sweet 16. No, no, no, no. It's younger. Oh, I didn't know that. Bar and Bar Mitzvahs and then quinceañeras is 15. Well, that I know. Sweet 16s is 16. I've never been to a quinceañera. Neither have I. Really? Yeah. Frank Alvarez?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Francisco Alvarez? You've never been to a quinceañera? You think just because I'm a Hispanic man that means that I just go to quinceañeras? Yes. Yeah, that would make sense logically. You would have family that has fucking... No, no, no. I can't remember ever going to a quinceañera. Do you remember the Sweet 16 show growing up? My super sweet 16. Oh, my God.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Like legitimately. Oh, my God. Looking back on them, it was like some of them where they were just like, did he better be here? And it's like, whoa.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Uh-oh. Yeah. If all that porn talk didn't do it, that did it. There we go. D, monetize. But I remember on that show there was a girl who was upset because her dad got her a Range Rover and it wasn't white. So she was like, what the fuck? Can you look up craziest moments on my Super Sweet 16? I remember they had all those shows back then. What do you think?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
uh whatever was in my kitchen so not a butter knife like a knife like a knife like a like a serrated knife a knife that i've used to cut food with so if anyone has a hat that is this is old it was a clean hat i mean it was a clean knife it was extra this is extra joe that's what the x stood for yeah extra joe on top of the other parts of joe that they got all right this is more joe there were people that probably were hoping that extra joe meant something else
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
We're just going to sit here and watch a video compilation? I don't know. That's not going to happen. No, it'll tell you something and it'll be like, what happened? This is what happened. I'm just saying, like... The Lexus, extravagant over the top. You're just reading the description of the show.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
It's fine. We can make assumptions. Do you remember off completely derailed this episode? Go ahead. Do you remember my ex-girlfriend's sweet 16 that I got uninvited from at the end? Wait, you were already there and you got uninvited? No, no, no. All right.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah. How many? Like two. And you're going to one next week, right? Absolutely not. I went to... Oh, wait. You went to one last week. I did. Why? It was his family member. Still funny. But the thing that they do... Did they do it at yours? Do they still do it? It's like the candle per... This candle is for... Did you get a candle?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And his own family, his own flesh and blood, they don't give you a fucking candle. That's crazy. Crazy.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
That's crazy. Bananas. I don't know if it's good to be first class. Have you gotten a candle at a sweet 16? No. No. I did not. I've gotten two that I can remember. It's like, this is for the boys.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I'm becoming a woman. You're 16. Gross. Let's make that very clear. What sweet 16s and quinceaneras and bar mitzvahs. Now it's like you're becoming a man.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
But I think bar mitzvahs have a religious meaning, so I don't want to touch that. I don't want to make fun of that one. But like the sweet 16s were just like, now you're a woman. It's like.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
no no she is that is gross pretty gross why is she in cheetah print yeah everyone was in cheetah print no but my my my uh a girl that you know and i we were dating and it was like you were dating at this thing we know so we were on and off again okay leading up to her sweet 16 and uh she told me she was like you're getting a candle and i was just like You found out at the thing? No, before. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I was like, really? She's like, yeah, you're getting a candle. I was like, all right. And then I, you know, like I found out like a bunch of shit went down between her and I didn't end up going. To the sweet 16. To the sweet 16. A bunch of our friends did. And she had.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Obviously not giving me a candle, but she said you know, but someone made like a slideshow of pictures, you know, like over like fucking, you remember all 2008 people did the lowest lift for like, it was like a slideshow of pictures and like windows media player played in the background. And it was like vitamin C of course, you know, like we'll be bad friends forever, you know? Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And anytime a picture of me and her popped up, The whole place booed. I wasn't there, though. But a bunch of our friends told us, like, yo, like, every time a picture of you popped up. That's amazing. I wasn't there. I know. You didn't go. Oh, I would have booed so hard. What? That's hilarious. If you would have booed me, that would have been grounds for fighting.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I would have listened to whatever, like, rap I was listening to that week, and I would have fought you that week.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah, I would have fucking, like, yo, that's it. You know what? Honestly, I smell pussy, Joe. What?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
They started booing me. So, that's awesome. Who am I? Wait, did you not go? Or she was like, don't fucking come. No, I said, like, I'm not going. Oh, okay. You know. Did you guys date after that whole thing? On and off again. On and off again. Even after the booing? But, like, it was all. It was all. The public shaming. It was all. So, you know me. Right. You know me. I do. Yeah. I called her.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And I was just like, hey, I heard about the Sweet 16. Thanks for making it more about me than about you. Click. You scumbag. You didn't say that. Did I? What day did you call it? The day after? I don't remember what day. It was after, though. Knowing you, you didn't let it breathe. And let me, let me let you know something. A lot of IMs?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
triple extra joe no what realistically have you ever even thought about doing like any form of like porn no i wasn't gonna say porn but just like showing your balls showing your porn is that porn i think porn is the act of sexing no like the sex what's playboy is playboy porn Showing your boobs on a magazine. What is the definition of pornography? Is it just naked? I can't Google porn.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
She didn't like that. Oh, no, she didn't. But you guys were still together eventually after that? Not like together, but like, you know, just like young teenagers. It's like, we're going to work it out. You said, thanks for making that more about me than you. Bang! Bang, bang, bang. Or more like this. More like, click. Yeah, yeah. Oh, and it felt good. Wow. You know? What are you going to do?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Just take your battery out of your phone at that point. Just lay it down. And I remember when I would do that, I would watch it ring. Yeah, you're a sicko, I think. I was a sicko. I'm no longer. That's awesome. It's either laughing or fucking having a stroke. Yeah, a fucking mesothelioma attack. Oh, mesothelioma. Right. What's Mesopotamia? That was a place. Right, but what is that?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
That was like an ancient place. Like Atlantis? I think it was where like Iraq and Turkey, that area was. Oh, I thought this was like a fairy tale place. No, I believe Mesopotamia was a real place, Joey. I believe so. Can you look up? Atlantis wasn't real, right? No, a lot of people believe it was real too. Can you look up where was Mesopotamia? If you're right, I'm going to have so much respect.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Located in the Fertile Crescent area between Tigris and Euphrates. Iran, Syria, and Turkey. Yeah, Iran, Syria, Turkey. I was right.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
that's why a lot of people like the ancient city of troy because the only like talks about it were in like ancient um uh like texts and a lot of people thought they were myths but a lot of people believe that troy was turkey so like the whole like they're coming with a horse let me be very clear about something if i'm at war with a country and they just drop a horse off at my front gate as a gift
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
what how stupid do you think i am also what am i gonna do with this giant horse yeah and also i don't want this like it was a big one and you wouldn't hear the people in it like i mean maybe you wouldn't but like also what am i gonna do with the horse i would honestly i would be like you know what fuck this thing set it i would have burnt it and sent it back this guy's looking up trojan horses
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Trojan horse diagram? Yeah, how big was this horse? Bro, I don't give a fuck how big it was. Yo, can I say this? If I'm at war with a country and they're like, yo, here's a big wooden horse, I know something's up. It's hollowed out and not filled with Trojan men. Well, the Trojan army... was like the Greek army. Yo, honestly, this is genius.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Whoever did that, whoever was the guy who made that call, what a good call. What a stupid call. Whoever was the one that was like, you know what? You know, this looks pretty cool. Yeah. Bro, bring the giant horse in. I'm telling you, if a package shows up at my house and I don't know what it is, I'm terrified. You think of a fucking giant wooden horse shows up at the gates.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I'm going to be like, yeah. Get the fuck out of here! I get a phone call from a number I don't have saved, and I'm like, no way I'm picking that up. I'm not wheeling in a giant horse. Zero. Less than zero percent of a chance am I fucking accepting that.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Idiots! Well, no, I guess the people that did it were smart. So the Trojans got there and they're like, yeah, we just want to get you something nice, you know, some wooden horse. What does it say here? Greek mythology. Yeah, see, it was mythology. Trojan horse was a wooden horse. Why do you say horse like that?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Horse. Said to have been used by the Greeks during the Trojan War to enter the city of Troy and win. Time out. Wait. The Trojan horse wasn't a real thing? No, that's what they just said, that all the mentions of the Trojan War were in, like, the Odyssey, you know, like... Wait, wait. You didn't know this? This isn't real?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
There is some evidence to suggest that it was, but like mythology, I think of Zeus throwing lightning, which didn't happen. Well, as far as you know, come on, but no. So like the, the, the, um, the, uh, what's it called? The Iliad and the Odyssey. That's what is like the story of the Trojan war. Bro. Uh, this is baffling. And, and a lot of people believe like, they're like, Oh, maybe it was fake.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
But then there's like, Oh wait, maybe it wasn't fake. Ants just diving in. Was the Trojan horse real? It was not real. Google says no.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Do you also think that Hercules can pick up the sun? Relax. Let me ask you a question. Relax, Peter Pan. It didn't happen. First of all, Hercules wasn't picking up the sun.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Pornography sounds like magazines. Porn sounds like digital stuff. Pornography is so like... I think they're frogs and toads. I think that like you can have video stuff that is pornography and have pornography that's not video stuff. Like frogs and toads. Do you remember that? Do you remember? Frogs and toads? Yeah, it's been beat into my head, so I remember it.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Second of all, you're talking about Apollo holding the world on his back. His name was Atlas, dumbass. That's him. Damn it. Damn it. And Medusa. Snakes for hair? I don't think so, Medusa. Fuck that shit. You turn me to stone when you look at me? It's like you can look through a mirror. What was that bullshit? Who was that guy that did that? The ancient Greek mythological... What was his name?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Stavros, probably, dude. Stavros Yannis Stavros and Yorgos. Dimitri. Dimitri, Yorgos, Stavros, Stamatis. Who killed- Perseus! I knew that! Fuck!
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
He's Achilles! He's Achilles! Yeah, he's Achilles! Because of the Achilles heel.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
The other guy was Perseus. Perseus was the bitch. Perseus was the other dude. The other dude who was like a bitch. Who is that? Briseis?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Just go to the IMDB, look up the movie Troy. I mean, the cast is... Right there. No, it isn't. Well, whatever. Amy Louie Wilson. Hold on. While you're looking that up, we do have some sponsors for today. Good call. The first one, how you doing? We have, and I don't have it up. How's it going, everyone? I'm just going to talk. I can talk. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. Achilles is back, bitch.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Agamemnon. There's no Percy. We called the kid Agamemnon growing up. Remember that? We is crazy. No, we. Stop doing this thing.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I'm going to pee. Read the ad and then I'm going to yell at you for that. Okay. We have... We have HIMS. HIMS provides you with the convenient and quality access to a range of hair loss treatments that work all from the comfort of your couch. If you're a man out there and you're dealing with some hair loss, HIMS can help prevent that.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Even if you just see a little bit and it's not like male pattern baldness, which I don't know too much about, thankfully. Um, but if you want to grow your hair back in as little as three to six months, you can start using hymns. That's what they say. Um, but yeah, so there's a solution. The process is simple. It's a hundred percent online.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
So there's no uncomfortable doctor visits, uh, no insurance needed. And one, uh, low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care. It has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers, and they can help you get your confidence back too with visibly thicker and fuller hair, okay? And you could start your free online visit today at hymns.com slash basement.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
That is hymns, H-I-M-S dot com slash basement for your personalized hair loss treatment options. That is hymns.com slash basement. Results vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. Prescription products require an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
See website for full details and important safety information. And we also have Squarespace. Squarespace is a website that allows you to build your website. So if you have content or you have a small business or you do any sort of e-commerce, you can build a website lickety-split with Squarespace.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
They have a bunch of templates that make it very easy to have a professional-looking website, which is very important if you have a great product. But if someone goes to your website and it doesn't really look good, They're not going to trust it. There's less of a chance that you're going to convert that person into a customer. So website is very important.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And Squarespace makes it very easy to not only build a website, but to run your website and realize where your traffic is coming from and optimize that in the best way. So head to squarespace.com slash basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. Use that code basement. But again, squarespace.com slash basement, save 10% on your first purchase of a website or a domain.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Can you just look, just Google the definition of pornography. Who's going to get in trouble? Who's going to get in trouble here? You think HR is coming through and they're going to fucking save us? It honestly is weird. What is the definition of pornography?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah, what you can also do is go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You want to hang with us? You want to play with us? You want more XXXX Extra Joe? Well, maybe you'll get it at patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Thank you guys for all your continued support, whether you're a patron or not. Listen, we want to give you guys a little more extra bit of us.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
So go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You join. You sign up for that first year. You get these weekly episodes one week in advance. You get that second year. You get exclusive episodes every single Friday. Monday, Friday. You start and end your week with TheBasementYard. It sounds It's like a no-brainer to me. Thank you guys for all the love and all the support and continued growth.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
We want to keep going, pushing, in order to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be on Patreon, on everywhere. So go check it out. Patreon.com. And folks, we obviously... are going to our Europe shows. So if you're coming to any of those shows, go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Okay, there's going to be some little question prompts. You submit a response if you feel so inclined.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Let us know what show you're coming to. And a lot of the show, not a lot of the show, but a portion of the show, we like to talk with you guys, to you guys, about you guys, about whatever you guys put in those responses. So maybe we'll pick you. Maybe we'll talk to you about you, whatever. So go check it out. TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Let us know the show you're coming to. And there we go.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Back to me and piss to you. What did I do? You called him Agamemnon too. You called him Agamemnon. You called him Agamemnon. And you do this where you're just like, you did the thing. No, you did it too, you little bitch. I don't even know who we're talking about. It was that kid that told Dennis that he had a wide back at the gym. Oh, yeah, that's right. Crazy thing to say.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I will say that this all, Danny started that. He called him Agamemnon first, probably, but, like, we were all there when he told him he had a wide back. I did hear that, and I was like, that's a crazy way to describe somebody. That's a crazy way to describe anyone.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
But, yeah, I didn't know, like, I knew that the Trojan War was from, like, mythology, but I didn't know it was just, like... I did not know that. I thought that was, like, a real, well-documented thing. I mean, so there are documents and, like, murals of it and shit like that, like... Yeah, but we're talking about mythology now. I mean... Myth. Technically, every war is mythologized.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Did you just make a word up? Mythologized. That's a real word. Is it? Yeah, of course it is. That's shocking. But, I mean, that's not true at all, by the way. Yeah, it is. Technically, all things are mythologized in one way or another. Why? Because at the time they just thought that there was a big guy shooting lightning bolts with a big white beard, that it was more fake than stuff now? Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
It does. It is kind of weird that, like, porn has the same... It's like, you know how geography has graphy? Well, yeah, graphy is, I think, it's just the study of it. So this is the study of porn. Is it the study? Printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
That's right. That's exactly it. Yeah. See, mythologize is a word. Yeah. Make the subject a myth. Yeah. Like what you did with your grinding. i mean that's right i did mythologize my grinding and it worked yeah it did work um also i i just watched uh this movie the other day so we're gonna definitely get into it uh the substance did you watch that movie
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
yes becca and i watched about three quarters of it and then we turned it off wait hold on by the way i there's going to be spoilers so if you're like what the i'm gonna talk about the movie like you can skip ahead so it's a it came out last year big oscars push for it massive demean more margaret qualley both in the conversation to me Is it Demi? I believe it's Demi Moore.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Oh, I always heard it Demi. Demi Moore? Honestly, that's where I heard it.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Can you look up the proper pronunciation? Is it Demi? It might be Demi Moore. I have no idea. Demi or Demi? Demi. What is it? I think it's dummy.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Wow. He's right. Yeah. Wow. Look at me. Wow. I'm right. You're the dummy. I'm right. That's all for this week's episode. But for those of you guys that don't know. I know Joe's going to spoil it. I'll give some background. Basically... I really want to know where you stopped watching. Quitting before the end is bananas. Yeah. Becca was tired, and she's like, I'm going to fall asleep.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And I was like, do you even want to keep watching this? And she's like, not really. And I was just like, it's just a little much for me. But Demi Moore's character is like Elizabeth Sparkle. And she is like an aging actress... In Hollywood. And in order to, I guess, re-enter the spotlight, she takes this substance that things happen. And I don't, you know, like.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I mean, I'm perfectly fine with saying what happens. I'm not going to give, like, details of everything. But here's a detail. it's a fucking shot that you have to give yourself and then your back splits open and a person crawls out of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, so yeah, I mean it's, it's a lot of people said that they couldn't watch it because of like the gore.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And, but I think a big part of why they couldn't watch it was like the whole needles of it all. Like there's a lot of needles, like, I'm telling you right now, the worst part about this movie for me, it wasn't the needle per se. It is the giant pus pimple on this woman's spine.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
It gets progressively worse throughout the entire movie. And there's a needle like this big that goes in it. And I'm like, I cannot watch if they go back to this pimple again. I just, I can't. You got to be, see the movie. So here's the thing. Why I stopped watching it. Where did you stop watching? I don't remember, honestly, what part I stopped watching it at. Did you see that? I don't remember.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Did you see that? Why did you have to do that? Back up! This kid's googling pimples! Do you see that over there? I don't think I saw that over there. Well, they, you know, that's Demi. I know who that is. I know. Yeah. Why did I go Christopher Walken there? I know who it is.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
more or less by the way a story is finest i know um you like that fucking impression i ate at his deli by the way you ate at his deli yeah christopher walken yeah he had a deli the walk-in delery uh del delery the walk-in deli on like 30th and was he in there i don't think he was there when i was it like him or like his family his family's deli His family owns a deli. I didn't know that.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
All right, so printed. So technically, Fifty Shades of Grey is porn. I, uh, yee.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was 2009 when I went, so forgive me, but... There you go. I mean... So much. The messaging is not subtle. Yeah, I get the messaging. Like, that's the thing. I think people, when... Because I'm not saying I disliked the movie. I just felt like it was just a little too cartoony for me. Like, it freaked me out, but I get that's the point of it.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I also get that I'm not the fucking audience for it. Like, the messaging is very clearly, you know, around what Hollywood and entertainment forces women to have to do in order to be relevant. Right. But... It was, like, the way it was shot and, like, the close-ups on some people.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Like, there's one scene in particular where, like, Dennis Quaid's character has, like, a bunch of people around him and he's, like, talking in the camera. And it was just, like... Yeah, back up. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm sure that guy exists by the thousands. Well, I'm sure that the real version of him is way worse than that movie version.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
He was such a dumpster bug. One of the worst parts of that movie for me was in the beginning when he's at a meeting and he's just eating shrimp.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And he was just dipping it. It was like, this is fucking gross. And again, I get it. I get it. It was just like... Do you think, honestly, because this movie's getting a lot of Oscar buzz, do you see why? Because I think that the most grounded part of it was Demi Moore's character, and I could see why she deserved the Oscar. I thought she was phenomenal in it.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I mean, who cares about the core? It's just porn. I mean, the core matters. We have, by the way. Yeah. It's so quickly been demonetized. Yeah, you know, it's over with. But I think, yo, did I ever tell you? I may have told you, but I found a Playgirl in my neighbor's house. And it was just like dudes in jeans with their dicks out. And I was like, what?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah, Best Picture it's nominated for, Best Actress in a Leading Role. It won the Palme d'Or last year at Cannes, which is like their best movie.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And she won best actress. She was amazing. And bro, by the way, she's fucking 62 years old and looks insanely good. Yeah. And she's just naked the whole time. Well, I think I – so anytime I watch a movie, I go on IMDb and I read the trivia. It might not be real, but I think I read that her and the other actress in the movie used body doubles. Oh. Well, yeah, I'm sure they did.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Bro, insane. Like, it was a crazy movie. But again, spoiler alert. Here's your spoiler. You want to know how it ends? I think I kind of know. She turns into, like, a big, like, goopy-doopy monster, right? That's a good way of putting it. Have you seen the movie?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Ant's going home and watching this tonight. If you... So, when you do the substance, like, you put the substance in your body, this other, like, hotter, younger version of you, like, pops out. Literally crawls out of your back. And she had to get her back, like... Stitched. Stitched. Which the fucking younger one did it in a bathroom. And, like, it's, like, a week.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
That, like, you're the younger version, you're the other version. You're the younger version, you're the older version. And, like, they just are, like, asleep in a bathroom for that week. So, yeah, the younger one, they, like, hook you up to an IV so you, like, get fed. But, like, the younger one starts booking gigs. And is like, all right, I'm just going to do an extra day.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
So, like, takes a little bit more fluid. Because you need, like, this fluid from your fucking spine or something. So, takes a little more fluid. And then that makes the older character...
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
get really fucking old and like her finger just gets old and crusty like a dragon's hand right and then and then so then that's what happens and she's like what the fuck my finger has a dragon foot and then she's like
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Then she's calling a number and the guy's like you got I don't know you guys got to figure it out They were no help on the other end by the way the entire movie Oh the shady people in the back alley that give her this thing only called this substance or no help shocker They're not helpful bad customer service, but then so then they start getting into a battle And like then the younger one is like yo fuck this like I need to have like weeks at a time So it takes mad fluid So when she's taking all that fluid
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
it ages the fuck out of Demi, Demi Moore. And then when she finally gets awake because she runs out of the spinal fluid, she finally becomes awake and she looks in the mirror and it looks like an, it looks like the hunchback of Notre Dame. Yeah. And like her, no hair, all fucked up, blah, blah, blah. And she's just like all fucked. Right.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
There's teeth and a face on the shoulder. And then they put on a dress and they try to look nice for a New Year's Eve show. And then she melts. On her walk of fame. She's just a face and a pool of blood and muscle. And then that's it. Man. Cinema. If anyone needs me to describe more movies, I'll be here. We should do an episode where we get you hammered and ask you to just describe weird movies.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Bro, that movie was so weird. I was like, what am I watching? And then I was like, now, now, like I get the messaging. The messaging is not lost on me. But the rest of it is like, how did this even get greenlit to do this? Well, if I were to tell you that it was made by a French director, would you believe me? nothing about the movie stood out as French to me, man. Pretty French.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Bro, you know, do you remember the wrestler Shawn Michaels? Yeah. He was in Playgirl. Before, before, you know, before the eyes went their own separate ways, you know, before his eyes got divorced. Yeah, they came, one of them got off the leash. So technically, like, fanfic is porn. I don't think words is porn. It just said printed. Printed could be magazines.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
If you ask me what, I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. It might not even be a French director. I think it is. Um, yeah, I don't know. It was just like, it was so like, I don't know how, like I've seen people talk about it and they're just like, it's the best movie of last year. And it's like, Seems like a bit of a stretch to me personally. I don't even know.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
You don't know the other movies that came. Oh, you still haven't seen Wicked, which is bananas. Well, was that, I guess that was last year. Yeah, this was last year. There was, but like. Yeah. It was interesting. Yeah. Would you take the substance? No. What would the younger version of you be? I know mine would be. What would it be? Well, my older version would be me looking as I do now.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
My younger version would obviously be Zayn Malik. Uh-huh. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
We've never seen Frank and Zayn Malik in the same room, so it could be true.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check my spine. You never know. Yeah. Ugh. Oh. Never mind. I heard that a lot of people had to leave the theater because the needle stuff was really, really bad. The needle stuff was pretty intense. It was the pimple for me, though. It was the pimple for me. I was like, oh my God. The pimple wasn't the worst part. It was the... I feel like the needles was the worst.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And Dennis Quaid. Yeah, fuck him. What? When did you turn it off? I don't remember. See, how does he turn it off before all that? Because to his defense... It's like a 30-minute block where it's like just all this shit is happening. I'm like, how do you even know what just happened?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Like I said, bro, watching TV with Becca is a coin flip because she's either all in and then she'll literally – we'll literally be watching something and I know just from the sound of her breathing like she's falling asleep because she'll just turn over to me and I'll just be like, I'll turn it off now in the middle of this fucking incredible episode.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
and you're like well that's i know and like i know and she tried once she tried once listen she's a mom a fucking stay-at-home mom she has a very hard job and it's exhausting i get that she tried once she was just like well when we watch tv i'm laying down so my eyes are already closed and i was like nice try what does it have to do with a stay-at-home mom
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Well, she's exhausted at the end of each fucking day.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
You could get her a pair of glasses. That's like you could just lay it like this. Oh, no. Well, I mounted our TV on the wall now, so it's not like. It was previously sitting on our dresser. Oh. And I mounted it on the wall, so now it's higher up.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I mean, I... Old, old merch. Old merch. You see this? Old, old, old. Do you know that... Oldie logs. I, I cut that with a knife. That's what all those cuts are? Yeah. That sucks. I... Why would you do that? Why are you wearing it if it sucks? Um... That's a stupid question. Touché. Touché. Yeah. Actually, I don't know if that's true. Wait, what is a stupid question?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
No, it would be cool. Can you imagine? That would be weird as hell. I mean, why? Oh, ow. I just looked directly in that light. There you go.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
We do have some more sponsors for today. All right, I was going to talk.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
We have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all-in-one personal finance app that's going to put money back in your pocket, okay? You sign up for stuff all the time, you know, these subscriptions, this and that, and Rocket Money will help you cancel your unwanted ones. So maybe you signed up for stuff a while ago that you used for like a week, haven't used it since then.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
you know, whatever else it could have happened, or a free trial, and then all of a sudden it turned into, you know, $8 a month, and you're like, oh, didn't know I was paying for that. So Rocket Money will find those. They'll cancel them for you, put the money back in your pocket. They also have a budgeting tool, so you can stay on budget every single month. It'll help you with your spending.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
It'll monitor it, and it'll also help lower your bills so you can grow your savings, okay? But yeah, so you can use it. There's multiple things that you can use. There's even premium features that you can use with Rocket Money as well. They have over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Okay, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. On average, $740 a year if you're using all the app's premium features. I'd rather have $740. That's a bunch of money that I'd rather have instead of just letting it go to waste. You can cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
It says printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display. Description. Yeah, I guess maybe, yeah. So this is, if I were to just like describe. Like, oh, yeah, I'm doing, I've got my thumb in your. If I were to describe your penis, that would be, that would be porn. Right. You know, that'd be great. Two inches. Don't. Bare. Don't, don't do that. Barely what? Barely what?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Go to rocketmoney.com slash basement today. That is rocketmoney.com slash basement. Put that money back in your pocket, folks. Rocketmoney.com slash basement. And lastly here, we have Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix is going to make your life a lot easier, your wardrobe easier. You want to go shopping, you wish you had a personal stylist or something like that.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
That's basically what Stitch Fix is going to do. You go on their website, you fill out the style quiz, you give them your size, your budget preferences, you know, your style. They try to figure out like, you know, what exactly you like to wear. And then you pick, they will go and find things that they think you will like. and they'll send them to you.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And then you only pay for the things that you keep. So you get a box. It has everything. And you're like, all right, cool. I like this and that, but we're going to send this back free of returns all the time. And yeah, so it just keeps your wardrobe nice and fresh all the time. Okay. And they send personalized pieces. You know, the fit is always going to be on point.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
So the stylist is going to work for you. So you don't have to spend time going to the mall or going here and going to that shopping in person all the time. You can just have someone who knows the things that you like and send them to your house. So make style easy. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash basement. That is stitchfix.com slash basement.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
okay there you go folks you got saved by the ads because i was ready to yell at you for something that i don't remember what you're doing your your anime face no don't do that don't do that to me what that's what you do and you do this thing i was just like i don't do i stop you know these people probably think that i'm a monster Because I say you did an anime face?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
No, because you just make up stuff about me on this episode. Frank, you made up that you retired from grinding. I made up that at the time... You mythologi... What was it? Mythologized. Mythologized. Genius. Not genius. I mean, it worked. It was business Frank. That's what we get. That's why business Frank... That's economy 401, dude. Now we're up to 401.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Just recognizing that at the time, I was a young entrepreneur. With grinding. I mean, today's grinding is tomorrow's Bitcoin. You know what I'm saying? Do you have Bitcoin? No. No, no, no. No Bitcoin? None whatever. None whatsoever? None whatever. None whatsoever. Okay. You have no crypto? No. Because? Because you're just like, I'm not. I just don't have any. I mean, do you? Yeah, of course.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I mean, maybe I do. I just don't know. I'll probably have to ask my finance guy. He's not going to buy crypto for you. I don't know. I mean, I probably... Those are personal purchases. I'll be honest. I'm a little upset I didn't get into Bitcoin when it launched at... A dollar a coin. That would have been so crazy. I would have... Every... If you had told me what it would have become, every penny.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Doesn't work like that, obviously. I know. How many times have you ever thought about like that where it's just like, if you can go back and make any investments, what would you invest in? Yeah. I mean, obviously, the big three. Apple, Google, Amazon, right? When people are like, I would have invented blah, blah, blah. I'm like, bro. I love when people bring that up because...
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I can go back in time and show them an iPhone, but that's pointless because they'd just be like, this is still magic. This is nonsense. Magic. This is still nonsense. I don't think I would go back that far. When? Like, realistically. Within my timeline. What have you thought? What am I saying? Like, you're Loki? Like, I wouldn't go back to, like, the 20s. Like, what am I doing here?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
would you ever like have you ever thought like i would go back and invent this and be a billionaire no the only thing that i think is like a smart thing to say is like you can invest in stuff so like the day i heard about fucking like apple tesla google amazon i'd be like We have this new company that's coming out. It's called Google. You know what I would do? I would Google Jeff Bezos' address.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And just go be buds with him. And just, like, walk by his garage all the time and be like, oh, dude, I love the bookstore that you're making or whatever the fuck. Like, I would love to work here. This is really dense and crazy, like the Amazon jungle. And see what happens, you know? What do you, what was that? Just, like, drop hints. about Amazon.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
He said it, not me. You know? What? You got a big hairy dick? You've got to get off of this topic.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Oh, I would go while he was building it in like the first few days and be like, you know what? I really love books and I think like we can sell these online. You'd walk by like the garage in San Francisco where they came up with Apple. Yeah. That'd be a cool one. Didn't they like buy computers from like IBM and then they just like created their own thing or something like that?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I don't know, possibly. But I know that like Apple was in big time, big time fat trouble at one point in time. For what? I think not for like being bad people. Maybe. I don't know. Oh, documented. Yeah. Documented. But like they like had no money. They like were almost bankrupt. And then Steve Jobs had to come back because he like left the company.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And I think that at that time he invested in Pixar of all people. Oh. Yeah. I mean, that was... We got Toy Story because of Steve Jobs. That's cool. Yeah. I love Pixar. Nothing gets me more hyped than that fucking lamp jumping on that eye. I fucking love it. You know, and it looks at the... You know what I'm talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
There are some new Pixar hits that you haven't watched that you are flat out missing out on. Really? Am I going to cry? Some of them might get you a little bit, but maybe not as much. The Pixar movies, just that type of animation in general could get me to cry. I watched the first one with that old guy playing chess. That one would make me cry. That was like before A Bug's Life. Yeah. Yes.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
This is absolutely crazy that we got here. You can't do it. But yeah, extra Joe. X, X, extra. X, X, X. Yo, by the way, I just, I knew I wanted to talk about this with you because it was big on social media. I watched one video and then every single video was this, but the story about that angler fish, just like getting to the surface and dying and shit. Dude, these things are fucking terrible.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Holy shit. I'm very good at this. I'm very good at this memory. I watched that, and it's like he's playing himself, right? No, I think.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I think. No, he's like playing chess against himself. You're spoiling a 25-year-old Pixar short. I'm pretty sure people are more okay with that than the movie that's up for best picture.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
this year yeah um i yeah i watched that and i was like that's so sad like an old guy playing i think it's like he starts off he thinks he's playing with someone and it shows you like someone else but then as time goes on you see he's just playing by himself makes me upset dude what makes you more upset old people like not like mad but like when like like up like what makes you cry harder up or something like toy story
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I never cried in Toy Story. Oh, that's not true. I cried at Toy Story when he gave all the things away. The toys away? I was like, you fucking idiot. Now you get it. Now you get it, Joey. Yeah, I mean, it's because there was a movie that I just watched. I gave away all my... I didn't give... I literally put them in the garbage and probably threw spaghetti on top of my toys. No!
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Mine were ripped from my fucking hands by my mother. I can picture you like, no. No, no, no, no, no. She didn't do it like that. But we did like one day they were just gone and like not realize it because we were just like out playing football or something. Dude, I honestly, now that I think about it, I can't remember like how that, how they, how your toys go away.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
i'm sure my mom donated them knowing my mom yeah but like i didn't even know you know like i can't remember with my like thinking like where are my toys i'm being like i gave them away or like i threw them out like i don't remember that ever yeah i don't until i asked it was the day i saw toy story 3 i called my mom as soon as i walked out of the theater i was like hey frankie what
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Was it 2010? Yes, and I'll tell you why this was such a pivotal moment. Don't look it up because I know the answer. It was because I saw it right before I was getting ready to go to college. Just like Andy. Just that. So that's the story. That's why it hit so hard for me because Andy was getting ready to go to college and grow up, and he had to give his toys away.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
and it hurt so you called your mom when you got out of the theater and you're like where's my toys and she's like what the fuck are you talking about yeah basically i was like hey what happened ma hey i just saw a toy story yeah it was it was cool what happened like where are my toys oh they're long gone frankie what i wouldn't have even dignified it with a response You're 18.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I was 17 at the time when it came out. Well, whatever. Still a child. And you were just like, yo, where is Polly Pocket?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
It's real funny over there, huh? Real fucking funny, Ant. I loved Polly Pocket. I loved Polly Pocket too, but I was more of a Mighty Max kid because if I was- I don't even know what that is. It was the boy- Joey, Mighty Max. It was a boy version? It was a boy version of Polly Pocket because if I was seen as a young boy playing with Polly Pocket, people pointed at me and said, gay.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
What was the first movie that, uh, Finding Nemo. Remember that shit? Finding Nemo, of course. Yeah, that's where they first saw an anglerfish. You think I saw them before finding Nemo? I didn't know those fish were real. And then even seeing the videos of this thing, why does it have a mouth like that? It not only has a mouth, like, bro. Severe underbite. If you, yeah.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Well, I was playing with the Polly Pocket. I used to put the Polly Pocket in my pocket. You put Polly Pocket in your pocket at the Polly Pocket Inception? I would put the Polly Pocket in my pocket and I would walk around with it. And then I would pop it open and I'd be like, look at this. There's a little world in here. Do me a favor. You know this. Look up Mighty Max Castle Doom.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
You know this shit. Ricardo had it. We'd go play with it at his house.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
what the fuck is this yeah there it is no you brought this up to me before i mean i never had this oh well um 230 yeah and that might not even be is it complete near complete uh joey if you're looking for any birthday gifts for good old frankie your birthday is in six months so it's in five but who's counting um oh look at those you do every year look oh my god have we ever Thank you for coming.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Thank you for coming. Frankie started this thing, and I don't know when, but he does it every single year. I don't do it anymore. His birthday is July 30th, and on the 1st of July, he would start a countdown. But the countdown would start like, how would you do it? Like 30,000 it would be, or like 3,000, and then it would be 2,900, 2,800, and then it would be up until his birthday.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
But it would be a countdown. So he would post like on MySpace or on Facebook, all his statuses. He would do a countdown every single day. But why would you put like 2,900 when there was 29 days left?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
um so i'm pretty sure the first year i did it was 2008 and um i love it you're pretty sure we know and then you did it every year after well um one of my favorite musical acts uh is andre 3000 andre 3k you know so you were frank so my my my myspace name at the time i changed it to frank 3000 And it just so happened to be on June 30th when there was exactly 30 days until my birthday. Uh-huh.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
1,300. I'm like, I don't care. That's so funny. Yeah, it happens. That sucks.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
We missed that. No, we didn't. We said happy birthday to him. I'm saying. Yeah, we did. January 16th.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Don't make a joke. I'm not. What's your sign? Ten days after Joe's favorite holiday. I knew you were going to make a joke. It was a funny joke.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Oh, the fact that you had that teed up because you know so much.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
What does it mean? What kind of guy are you? It means like you're going to be horniest on this moon and like you're fucking, you're shy until you break out of your shell. What are you, Leo? Yeah. That's cool. That's cool, man. Yeah. What are you? Something stupid like- You know what I am.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
If you had asked me at the age of nine years old to draw a scary fish, And this is not even a joke. That is what I would have drawn. A million teeth. Just the sharpest teeth that are coming out of nowhere. And it's got a light bulb in its head. Well, that's because it needs to see where it's going. But how much does that work down there? Frank, that's not what it's for. What is it for?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
You know what I am. Libra. Capricorn. Frank. Pisces. Yes. Okay. What is Capricorn? What does it mean?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
What does Capricorn mean? Cool guy. Fucking dweeb. Sorry. Capricorn. Oh, I thought it said termined. I was like, what's termined? The Latin word for horned goat or goat horn? This kid is horny. I told you, this horny bastard over there. Oh, he's determined, disciplined, and ambitious. I don't know about... To drink as much twisted meat as possible?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Just tell us before I pack a bag of bottles to bring to my hotel rooms
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
disciplined he's determined to fucking chase alcoholism i want to see what else what other they have here we'll see what kind of guy you are you're getting into joey you're getting into a workaholism just take yeah well seriousness definitely not no he's so serious i would say deter i i from the amount that i've gotten to know you i would say you're pretty determined oh there we go let's turn it around now relentless determined to overcome obstacles
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Let's find out who Frank is. Hold on. Hold on. Before you look anything up, I've had people when they'll be like, what's your sign? I'm like, Leo. They're like, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Let's find out who Leo is. A consternation. A name and a police term. Ooh. A police term. I don't know what the hell that means. Born under the sign of the Leo said to be strong.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Strong, charismatic, and hot, and brave. Frank, you're making things up, I think.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Confident. Yes. Passionate. You got it. Natural leaders. Where are you reading this? Look at this. Leos are known for being dedicated friends and lovers who put their hearts into every relationship. So true. I, I, I, I. Look at that. Barack Obama. Madonna. Daniel Radcliffe. Lawrence Fishburne. Jennifer Lopez. Helen Mirren. Jennifer Lopez. Meghan. Duchess of Sussex. Neil Armstrong. Fiercely loyal.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
You're damn fucking right, bitch. Yeah, dude. I'll fucking... Oh, this all sounds like great stuff. Leos are often described as having a regal air.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
What a commanding roar. I feel so commanded right now.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
You can't roar either. I'm just a little Pisces fish. You are. You're a little fish. You're swimming like a little bitch.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Don't look up at me. Okay, okay. All right, no, I need to get in the moment. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Come on, guys. Find your inner lion. I'm trying to find my inner lion so I can command this roar. Okay?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
It's to attract other fish so they can kill them. Yo, those are such hideous animals, dude. It's crazy that an animal like this exists on our planet and we're just, like, cool. Like, why haven't we nuked the oceans yet to get rid of these fuckers? Um, that wouldn't be good for us. Nuking the oceans? No. I mean, you want to pollute the ocean with nuke?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I mean, if we could... All right, hear me out. I'm hearing. I know J. Robert Oppenheimer's family watches this show. Do you? That's the first I'm hearing. If they could figure out a way... To just target an animal like this one. Yeah. And then, like, release a bomb that only takes out these. Got it. We could add ticks in there, too. We don't even know how many there are.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Oh, God. Hey, thanks. Thanks for... Check out The Basement Yard everywhere. If you're coming to the Europe shows, go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And go... Check us out everywhere, at the basement yard, everywhere. And that is all. We'll see you guys next time.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I don't even know if we know that. How many anglerfish could there be? Apparently, this was the first one that they... have seen like near the surface. Big little fuckers.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I saw a video of a girl like crying about this. Why is she crying? She's upset. She was upset because it was like, there was like, they of course romanticize the story and made it. So like, you know, this angler fish, they use that light on their head to attract other fish. And then I, I was reading these comments. I'm not kidding, bro. I got a little choked up. Really?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Like, it kind of, like, fucked me up a little bit. Wait, how does this thing just produce light? That I'm not even gonna even think about. Because them and lightning bugs, this is all... Wait. How do they do that? Bro, lightning bugs have lighting up their ass. Yo, they literally have light bulbs in their asshole.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
They literally, and they're like... And they're like... They're like, come find me, and they're like... Take a look at this. What do you think about... Bro, and you ever kill a lightning bug and go like that? Yeah, you're... Wait, hold on.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Because I wear other stuff that sucks? Um... Wait, wait, wait. So hold on. So this was just a normal denim hat, which is a crazy thing to say in the year of our Lord. Yeah. Um, and you just like, you know what? I want to make it look tattered. So I'm going to take a knife to it. That was the idea with it. Yes. So every one of these hats that went out, you did that too. Now I can't remember.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
No, I feel bad, but I've killed one. I was on purpose. But I, like, killed one, but it's like the light, like, it's like... Yeah, bro, it's like a fucking... It's like... It's like a... It's like a juice. A glow stick. A glow stick. It's like that.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Do you remember glow stick parties in college where people would break them and like put them all over their face and shirts and shit like that and they would dance and it'd be like, this looks, but they knew what they were doing. You're going to skip over that?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Your little fucking glow stick parties? Also, putting glow stick on your body is probably bad for you. I don't know. What the fuck is that? What is glow stick? It's like neon. What is glow stick? It's neon shit. Why does it get activated when I crack it? I imagine because it's like a bag of an ice pack. There's chemicals and water, and then when you mix them together, it makes it.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
So the plastic tube is filled with a chemical mixture including diphenol oxalate or a similar oxalate ester. Oh, okay. So it's similar to oxalate ester. Oh, to ester.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Gotcha. Yeah. So a separate glass vial inside the tube holds hydrogen peroxide. Nothing was cool. Bro. And also, why the fuck did we put them in the freezer after? And they were like, if you want them to last longer, put them in the freezer. When am I going to use a glow stick again? I mean, glow sticks were pretty cool. Now you can find them anywhere.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
But like back in the day, you can only find them at like dances, school dances and like 4th of July firework parties. You know, I'm sure they were everywhere. But like my family protected me from them enough in order to feel joy when I saw them. I feel like I've only been around glow sticks around your family. Probably, honestly. Pretty cool family.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Do you remember at, like, Remy, the, like, Guidos that would get the glow sticks and put them in their hands and they would frolic? You know you brought this up not too long ago? I know. It's so seared into your brain. Bro, because they would be, like, you know, like, the most, like, hyper-masculine, like, oh, I'm sorry, you like to fucking...
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
wax your eyebrows gay like they were so like hyper toxic masculine and like then they would put glow stick in their fingers wearing skin tight puma track suits and then they just and they would fucking and like dance with their boys be honest have you ever done it in front of the mirror and try to be good at it no have you ever tried to learn a dance oh yeah i've told i've i've have i not told you this story which dance
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
So, as you know, for those of you that don't know this, I... You might know this story, but there might be people, you know, every show... I get it. Every show, there might be a first-time listener. We don't know. Well, that's why we need to pretend as if this is their first time listening. But which dance? You may have told us. So, I gate-kept... Gate-kept? Gate-kept. Gate-kept dancing.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
From who? When I was in middle school. Oh, yes, you did tell me this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I did is when I was in middle school, so for those of you guys that don't know, I went to a different school for sixth grade and then a different school for seventh grade. And when I got to seventh grade, I told people, like, I don't dance anymore. Yeah, that you're retired. I retired from dancing.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Because you're so good. Because I was so good at dancing, dude. That included grinding. Oh, you didn't ground? I took a while, but the real story— You went on a grinding hiatus. You're like, yo, chill, chill, chill.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah, like sixth grade was wild. I'm off the grinder.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
But the truth was that like— I had done it a few times before, but I looked stupid doing it. So I didn't want to keep doing it. You were scared because you were like, oh, I'm not good at this. I was scared because I was like, what if this is not a good ground? What if it's not a good grinding? What if I'm not a good grinder? Exactly. So then I gatekept it. I told all the girls, I don't dance.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And... It made them want to dance with you. Supply and demand. Economics 101. If I remove the supply of me grinding, the demand for my grinding abilities was through the roof. So people were just desperate to grind on you. I wouldn't say desperate, but they were clamoring. Okay. You know? Yeah. There was a clamor out there for grinding on me. Right. And I really put it out there.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I feel like there wasn't a lot of those that actually went out, but I'm pretty sure I did it. So if anyone has this hat in the world, just know that the Lord and Savior over there, Joey Santagati, Took a knife to it. Yeah. Like held a knife. Did you hold a knife to it like British style? Like it was a, or was it a fucking kitchen knife? What's British style?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Like I was a world renowned grinder. I mean, you know, obviously if you saw me in seventh grade, yeah. Would you not think like, this is someone that knows how to dance? I would think that. Yeah. And I would think, why is he wearing four shirts? And they're all double XL. The most I wore at a point is three. It's a lot.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
It's a lot. The most I wore was three. And the biggest shirt I had was a 5XL. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. You had a 5XL t-shirt? Yes, I did. Was it covering your shoes? It was quite big. It must have been. It was quite big. I don't know if I've ever seen a 5XL in person. I've seen up to 7.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah. That's a lot of shirts. So as I gatekept grinding, I knew that I had to reenter the market. The grinding market. Market reintegration. So who was your first one back? Economics 102. I don't think that's how that works. I think it's 201. Yeah, I don't know. You don't know because of college. Right. And you probably should know because you were a business major, weren't you?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I took all these classes. Okay, so you know, understand that market reintegration. For grinding.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah. You remove the supply of grinding in Market Economics 101. Free integration into the market. Naturally. Naturally. Who was your first grind? I'm not going to say their name. Do I know them? You might have met them, but they were from my school. Okay. But in order to... Properly reenter the market. There was a whole business plan behind it.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I needed to make sure as I reentered the grinding market, I didn't go in. Right. Looking as a novice. You needed a good product. I needed a good product. So you, wait, hold on. So you were in your mirror, like getting ground on? So I started the reintegration process, joking around, saying like, I'll go and I'll like dance behind people like that. Just to, like, joke, like, what is he?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
You were testing the market. That's what it is. Yeah. Dipping my toe into the market. Right. That's your finger. But yeah, I can't show my toes. People will run away with that one. Yeah. Treblex Joe. Okay. So in order to make sure that I didn't look like an idiot, because that was of paramount importance to me, you know, I would dance like that in the mirror and I did it once.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
And I said, wait, you would like, you would be like, Oh, I'm good. I was like that in the mirror. If someone's grinding on you, you're doing that. Well, that's that's how I started the reintegration into the market. Right now, I'm talking about the reintroduction of the grinding market. Right. Making sure I moved into a place of comfort and confidence, you know. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
This is market testing 101, Joey. Economics 301. Now we're in economics 301. You're getting, this is more college experience you've ever had in your life. Yeah. Yeah, it is. I am trying to picture this, but so that first time that you came back, you unretired. I unretired. Like Jay-Z. I probably had, you know, put feelers out into the market to understand what the demand was.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Where it's like the, like they press the button. Like a butterfly knife? Not the, they press the button and it pops out and they press it to the neck and they're like, oh, you got a tiny, tiny knife. Like one of those? Yeah, I don't know. And if you don't start that timer, I will come over there and I will kick you in half. Kick it in half is crazy. Yeah. What kind of knife did you use?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Yeah, and said something along the lines of like— Where was this first grind? It was at a school dance or a bar mitzvah. It's very difficult to tell the difference between the two. That, I feel like, should be easy. I went to a lot of bar and bat mitzvahs growing up. Right. So chances are it was at one of those. But like I said, I was just like— What made you be like, yo, this is the moment.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
I'm coming back. A girl. But did everyone be like, oh, he's doing it. Yeah. Stop it. There was a crowd of people being like, Frankie's grinding. Look at it. Look at it. I can't believe he retired this. Look how good he is. Economics, my friends. Economics. Okay. Understanding the market. And you just pulled up your 5XL shirt and you were like. I mean, no.