Shayne Topp
Appearances
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Hello, welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What runs water? River. Has a mouth? River. Babbles? A brook. Trivia night at a bar, you're just yelling out the answers.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Are you even allowed to go? No, but not for the reasons you think. Trivia night is tough because they cover such different categories. I'm just sweating there with a blank page. I'm like, not a single Pokemon question all damn night.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You need to assemble a team. I've thought about this.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You need a team, because we have people who are- Are you calling in a team right now? You need movie people. You need music people. You need history people, like 20th century history. So that's going to be Ian.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's like, our next category is sad history.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And you need pop culture people from the past 15, 20 years. Okay. So you kind of need a range of- Types of people. You're kind of just describing Smosh.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Honestly, Smosh could assemble a killer team. Nick Fury.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's going to be the letters. I just need the seconds, minutes. Is it? I don't. I'm going to be worse at this than you. I'm not good at riddles. Especially if I'm a visual person. You need to read the question and the answer and then you'll get it. Can you repeat it one more time, please?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Right. Um... Uh... Circles. Cycles. No. You can just go outside if you want.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yeah. Or is this going to... I feel like it's the letters. It's going to be like, ah, second letter E. It's not syllables, but... Warmer?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's the letter N. You clocked that it was letters.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It is in seconds, the letter N, minutes, but not.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
We could do that. You don't even have to pay me. I'll just come in and do that. I think we'd do that at first, and then I actually think you would love watching those games because there's so much mystery.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The doctor was the mother. Roosters can't lay eggs. No. Wait, sorry, one more time. No. He's a baldy McBalderson.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
A pound weighs the same whether it's feathers or gold. No. Okay. Stop that now. Steel is heavier than feathers.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Your name? Unless you're me. And I look in the mirror and I go, Shane.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's your name on DVD, special edition, extra features, final answer. Sorry.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I've been through the desert on a horse with no name. I love that song. That's actually one of my favorite songs. It's a really great song. Do you guys want to know something like deep lore secret about me that I don't tell people about?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Sometimes if I'm hearing that song when I drive, I switch it out in my brain to a horse with no bones and I think about a horse just sort of like flopping around like a tumbleweed to a very serious song and it just makes me giggle.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I don't know if I told you guys I'm on new meds.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What's happening? I'm sorry. When is it time in society for a man to do a riddle?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I can't. I also think Dark Souls would get you because you're just the right level of fun competitive. Where Dark Souls is really hard, but you would be like, I have to try it again. I can get past this. I have to try it again. I love that. You would definitely enjoy watching. Dude, you would love watching Bloodborne. I think we just described hanging out.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Railroad crossing without any cars. That's a station. A railroad station.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
T-H-A-T. Oh, wait. Can you spell that without R's? Give me a break. Ew, I hate this. Ew.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Old mouthless Tony, which I think Angela probably took care of at some point. What? Angela takes care of weird dogs, right? Yeah, she does.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Bulldog on a summer day. Pierre. A hot dog. Give me a break. Hot dog was the answer for both? Yeah. Pretty sick.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
There's ten more dog riddles, and you're never going to believe the ninth one.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
All right. So now that Damien has the iPad, we're not going to get through any riddles.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Okay. Let's see if we can solve one more riddle. What kind of room has no doors or windows?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Has no doors and no windows. Panic room. Incorrect. That has a door. That's just factual.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's got to be like, what's something that's room, but it's not a physical room? Like, you know, leave room for emotion or, you know. The answer is holding space for defying gravity.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No, no, no, no. That would be awesome. Also, like, I don't know when these come out, so I'm like, that's already an old joke. Wicked riddles. Wicked riddles. Riddles from Boston. Wicked riddles. So what kind of room has no doors and no windows? Oh, I've heard this riddle before and I completely forgot.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
A butt room. What? What? Oh, a broom. A broom. You know what? A butt room. You're on the right track.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
In terms of lateral thinking for this riddle. I mean, I can give you the answer at any time as well. I give up. I give up. A mushroom. Give me a break. I know. Some of these are... I'm going to skip past the food ones. What?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's add in mushroom. I'll write them. It's not a type of room is what's confusing about it, right? It falls under the mush category for sure.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
That just pisses me off. How can five plus nine equal two? You know, they just figure it out.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's a Neil deGrasse Tyson one. Oh, well, it's two numbers. It's two numbers. Now, how can five plus nine equal two?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I was like, you don't even have to pay me. I'll do this. And I'm like, wait a minute. That's called hanging out. I'm playing Lies of P right now, actually. How's that? It's great. It is the spiritual successor to Bloodborne, except you play as Pinocchio, literal Pinocchio.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
There are two numbers, man. On account of those two numbers. And I was like, did that teach anything? This is your thesis review. What the hell? Didn't do it.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
We also got to the harder stuff. At the beginning, it was very like. How can five plus nine equal two? Would you like the answer? Minus 12, you know? Because there are two numbers. Yeah. When discussing time. Five plus nine hours is 2 p.m. Give me a break.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I use military time, so it's hard for me to decipher that. It's already 15 past 14. Time for me to get to PT. I'm on fire watch tonight. Why do we have the hard one? A couple more and we'll move on to riddles for adults.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
How are you supposed to survive when minimum wage doesn't pay your living needs? Okay, we're in numbers ones, and if you want me to move away from numbers, that's fine too.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
We'll do one more numbers, and then I'll move on from that. I love numbers ones, because one's a number. If two's company... Go away. Three's company is a great show. Three's company is a great show. If two is a company, and three is a crowd, what are four and five? Too much. I'm saying.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Four and five? If two's company and three's a crowd, what are four and five? Numbers. That's great.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
They can't show this episode to aliens or they won't come down. They're like, no. Or they'll give up on humans. We'll give them another thousand years.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You're going to be mad. I'm going to be pissed off at this one. Fours? The answer is nine. Give me a break. Four and five are nine. Okay. This is why I don't want to do numbers. By that logic, your answer's correct, too.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
They are numbers. And they are numbers. Some of these are puns. Let's see. Okay. What has a thousand needles but cannot sew? Porcupine. That is correct. Wow. Yeah. You haven't given him a shot.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
That's his sword. Yes, actually. You have to tell lies and then hit people with it.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The alphabet goes from A to Z, but I go from Z to A. What am I? Zebra. That is correct. We found the niche.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Are there actually adult riddles? Oh, yeah. We've got a bunch more riddles.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I was like, I'm going to have to really slow down through this list. Car insurance. No, we have plenty. Guys, we have one from Reader's Digest. We have one from Woman's Day. We have one from Good Housekeeping.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yes. It was really cool. I don't think we ever had it, but I remember, like, just being in, like, whatever checkout aisle in the grocery store.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's like Sailor's Fish Wife. I wish that was a soap opera. It's gotta be. I was almost on a soap opera. Like, Days of I... Okay, Damien, I feel like you guys have probably heard this one before. The person who makes it has no need for it. The person who buys it has no use for it. The person who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it? Nothing. The person who makes it has no need for it.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The person who buys it has no use for it. The person who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it? Oh, a name. Just kidding. No. Poop. No. It's also poop. I think you're going to be mad, Damien. I think you're going to wish me.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's not hope. One more time. The person who makes it has no need for it. The person who buys it has no use for it. The person who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it? The person who makes it has no use for it. The person who makes it has no need for it.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Great. Guys, before we get into what we're going to do today, which is solving riddles. That's why I'm wearing glasses. You got to be smart. That's why. Dark souls.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The person who buys it has no use for it. The person who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What can you make? What is it?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's the buying that makes me, because I'm like, oh, we make all kinds of things, but it's the buying.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I haven't seen that. I'm going to have to go Google that.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Jamie, can we get that up on the... Do you give up?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The person who buys it, though. I feel like I will be frustrated, but go for it.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
My life is like a movie, man. I keep getting evil clones. It sucks. It's just how it goes, you know?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No. I'm kidding. That one I disagree with. Let me hear. Why? I'm working on my own coffin. And I'll need that one day. Is that been your big project that you keep talking about? It's one of the ones I won't let you see.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I think if you buy it, you can just have it. Okay. No, my meds are for my tics. I'm not blinking as much. It's pretty cool.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You think they just took it? They either made it or they bought it, and they need it. Check this out. You walk into a room that contains a match, a kerosene lamp, a candle, and a fireplace. What would you light first? The room? Because you're... Hold on.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
We found a bunch of websites with a bunch of riddles. So we're going to go through and just see how many we can just figure out. Just for fun.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
A candle and a fireplace, what would you light first?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Oh. Whoa, what did I just say? I like this one. If your uncle's sister is not your aunt, what relation is she to you? I don't like this one. What? Your mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The answer was your mom. Yeah, I actually didn't say that right. Your mom.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No, that's your once removed, right? There's that second cousin.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I don't know. I just don't talk to my family. That's helpful.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Does this have challenging riddles? Challenging riddles, and then it goes down to easy riddles.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The Paul brothers walk into a room. Which is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? Brex, because Brex Harry Arden, fellas. I don't get it.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No, I have to show you. It's a sketch from a Scottish comedian, and it's just him having a breakdown about a very basic riddle when people are trying to explain it to him.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
He's like, what's heavier? A kilogram of steel or a kilogram of feathers? That's right. It's a kilogram of steel. Castile's heavier on feathers. Then everyone's trying to explain to him, like, no, they're both a kilogram.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Thank you. It was when I got there. But thank you.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
How much dirt is in a hole that's two feet long and three feet wide? None. It's a hole. That's right. Huh? Talking about hole faces here.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It is a hole, but you take the dirt out of it to make it a hole. And if you put the dirt back in, it's not really a hole anymore. I guess you can't really make a hole in the ground. Yep. You want to read some? Sure. I didn't look at the internet. Do you want to read some? You want to read some too? You read some.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
If you get to the end of these, you can move on to a different list.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Okay. This is, I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I? Map. Yes.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Can I tell you a sketch idea that I have?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
That I've had for a while. It has to do with maps. So have you ever heard about people being like, oh, we're going to throw a dart at a map and we're going to go. So it's like, okay, honey, for our anniversary gift, take this dart and I want you to throw it on this map and we're going to go to wherever the dart lands. She's like, oh my gosh, okay. And she throws the dart and it perfectly lands.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's like, oh, it's on Los Angeles. Oh, let's get closer. Oh my gosh, that's crazy. It's Derek's house. Yeah. I have to go to Derek's house. I guess we'll both go. She's like, I guess I'll probably just go myself. I think I'll just go by myself.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And she's like, yeah. Because when I heard someone do that, they're like, oh, he threw it and it landed on Italy. I was like, that's lucky. I was like, what if it landed on your own city? What if it landed in the middle of the ocean? What if it landed in Milwaukee and you just go there after your anniversary? It was Chernobyl and we kept throwing more darts and it kept landing on the same dart.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Somehow like Robin Hood splitting it into Chernobyl. You want to share Noble? That's hilarious. This one's fun. It's also, it shows up in the game The Lies of P, which is just like Bloodborne, but with Pinocchio.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What gets shorter as it gets older? A person. See, that's what I said. A person does.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Can I say something about, this reminds me. I wish you would. Riddle related. Some of my favorite movies, the Indiana Jones movies, the OG trilogy. I was rewatching Last Crusade. And there's a part where they're in this library in Italy. And it's like, there's like this whole riddle. It's like, and X marks the spot.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Okay, from here on out, for every episode of Smosh Mouth, I need to have like 10 basketballs here.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Every time I crush it on this podcast, I need to grab one and just...
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Then you get to have 10 of something too.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
At the end of every episode of Smosh Mouth, you're just so drunk and I get traded to the Mavs.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
In exchange for first round picks six years from now.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You're like, yeah, you got traded to dropout, but they get first round pick for six years from now. It's crazy.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Just a couple of dudes. Fellas. I like this one. What do you lose the moment you share it? Secret. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The artifact. The artifact. The amulet. The amulet. I think I unfortunately got that from the chosen because it's been a thing for me for a while where I'm just like, oh, dude, the amulet. Like, I need the amulet. You've said the amulet for a long time. I think I took that. I definitely lifted that from you, and I'm proud of it.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I... I don't think so. I think you've been mentioning the amulet since I met you. So he stole. So you stole. Wait a minute. Borrowed. This is actually very important. Did someone look like me ask about the amulet? Shit. My God, he's escaped. We gotta get to Kosovo.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Sob, you know, what's crazy is I did imagine your space work was so good I thought it was a glass goblet when you said crushing with your hands. Yeah No, I did. Oh my god.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yes, you got it. What is taken before you can get it your order for at a restaurant? Okay, what is taken before you can get it?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yeah. What is taken before you can get it?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
My freaking virginity, dude. Ew. Let's fucking go.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I lost my virginity, so now I'm good enough so that you can get it. Okay. Oh, no. Being for real now.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
This is a weird question. Test results. I also think order at a restaurant.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I'd say it's like your food at a restaurant. Your order.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
But I'm saying he's right. Yeah, and I agree with Shane.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Well, then I give up. Email the Riddler.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Not with how fast digital stuff is. Haven't you heard of live streams? Yeah. Zero latency. Read the next one.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Or 10, like X. And he's walking around this library and he's trying to figure it out. And suddenly he's like, wait.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's now worse. It's not about the riddles anymore. It's just that we're messing with... It was never about the riddles.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
On the ground. A stump, but never dirty. I know. No. What is on the ground, but never dirty? Stumps are dirty. Well, can dirt be dirty in the same way, like, is water wet? No, guys. No. What is on the ground? My jaw. No.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And you guys are like, oh, my jaw. If I can get it, my jaw is on the ground because your mom's your uncle's sister. Amanda's like, do you know why I pulled you over?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
My jaw. Okay, I don't know. But it's on the ground, but it's never dirty. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
and he like runs up the stairs and looks down and the entire time they were just standing on a giant x that was on the floor of the marble floor of the library i'm like you guys are dumb i'm like at that point you guys are dumb but that's also riddles literally look down that's riddles that's kind of riddles.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yeah, look at that. The hedgehog from Sonic. Good job, guys. Thanks. That's a big hint. Sometimes I stand near walls as the sun is setting, and that's where my shadow is. And it's real dirty. I cough on it. You know Pigpen from Charlie Brown? There's always that cloud of dust. You see that in my shadow as well. That's you? Wow. Great.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Also me. Also Shane. When I get out of the bathtub, I'm just a little bit littler.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I knew. You're like, I really exfoliate the bottom of my feet real hard. I'm a Russian nesting doll. I knew. I'm going to move real quick to Reddit. Do it. Am I the asshole for putting my wife in a Saw-like situation?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Where can you finish a book? A typewriter? No, a sentence.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Oh, jail, because you can read in jail, but you're not done with your sentence.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Shit, I'm sorry guys. Sorry. Can you hear a legitimate window break over there? I once lost a friend in middle school because I threw a basketball and was so bad at it that it almost hit him, but I started laughing out of nerves, so he thought it was on purpose. That'll do it. I was just like, no, I didn't mean to. You know what? Give me another basketball. This is our fantasy.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I need to reown this. Here you go, man. Thanks, man. You really have to work through these. If you lost a friend from that, then he was not your friend.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Where can you lose a friend, but in a song? Did we talk about Trevor singing that? That was so sweet.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
That'd be awesome. We need to pitch a movie, a horror movie, where every time someone pretends to be you online, there's like, Amanda, fan, whatever, and it's like their profile pic. It actually makes another you in another universe.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
He's really cool, man. He's so good. He's really cool. I hope he knows how cool he is.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The murderer chasing him? The man in the mask.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
But also like we have the advantage of living in a world where that movie exists and you grow up with it and you're like, well, now I know if when someone says there's an ex, I got to look for an ex. That's true. And your shitty ex-girlfriend's just standing in the corner like, I'm supposed to give you something. And that's what it means.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The umpire. The umpire. He's in a mask. The catcher. It's actually the catcher, yeah. He's in a mask because he's home base. But the catcher never really does run the bases, so it's kind of a... Because the man runs the bases, and the man in the mask is there waiting for him at home base to be safe.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
well, if this person is going through something, it's going to be something like, you know, it doesn't matter. I'm good with anything. But then when I throw something out, it's like, well, we had pizza last year. And so I'm like, so I guess it does matter.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I do actually have a fix for that. Whether it's text or in person, you go like, hey, I'm going to put out five food genres, and it's your job to eliminate one. Oh, I love that. So you text, and they'll be like, all right, here's the four we're keeping. I'm like, here's the three we're keeping. Here's the two we're keeping. And I'm like, seafood.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yeah. It's you gamify. You take out the stress. I love gamifying things to take out stress. I'm happy to do the thing. You do it. Gamify, take out stress. You just keep scrolling into later comments just like, yeah, what the fuck does my girlfriend want from me? There's a riddle.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Take me out of a window and I leave a grieving wife. But stick me in a door and I can save somebody's life. What am I?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I'll read it one more time. Take me out of a window and I leave a grieving wife. But stick me in a door and I can save somebody's life. What am I?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Take me out of a window and I leave a grieving wife. But stick me in a door and I can save somebody's life. What am I? This is the kind that you can definitely get, but it's so clever that I don't even think you'll be mad if you don't. It'll just be like, that's good.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The answer is two numbers. No, I'm kidding. I don't know, man.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
That's very clever, and I hadn't thought of that. That's not this. This one is a little more lateral.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yeah, Cheryl's here. Like, I've been sitting here for 10 years because of the prophecy. Because the prophecy. The extra riddle that they don't get into for that, if you watch like an Indiana Jones deep dive, Italians can't read. That's true.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
That's clever, and you're now thinking more lateral, so that's a little more... A lock? No. No. Do you want to know the answer? Yeah. It's, strangely again, the letter N. Take me out of window, I leave a grieving wife. Widow. But stick me in a door, I save somebody's life. Donor. Oh, wow. It's really clever, but I think without reading it, it's a little hard to get. Did you guys know that?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Did you guys all know? Yeah, they did. Did you all know?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
We all knew. We just didn't want to tell you. Here, I'll take this. That was really good. That was good, right? One of the top comments to answer that was, a penis?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
In fact, it's a lot to deal with. What if there's a hostage situation and someone's like, someone better show me a penis through a mail slot right now. I'm going to kill everyone here.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Hey, didn't say saving a life. No good deed goes unpunished.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Oh, thank you. Oh, this one's simple, but I think it's good. How far can you walk into a forest? Until the center and then you're walking out of it?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I'll give it to you. It's halfway. Oh, yeah, halfway. Because you can only walk into a forest halfway, and then you're walking out of a forest.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You got it. Thanks. I don't know what Trevor's up to.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Probably singing the fray. Also, I saw, I think it, cut this if it's not cool, but I think I saw on the announcement for it that he's doing Creator Clash. He is doing Creator Clash.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I know. He's fighting a guy from Corridor Digital, right? That's so cool.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Well, I think he'll train. I think he'll be training.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
We're just gassing up Trevor this episode. I'm going to move back to the good housekeeping. Finally.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Because the Reddit ones, they were kind of starting to be repeats. How can you clean up a room?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Who has married many women but was never married? The priest. That's right.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Guys, get this one. What does a man do only once in his lifetime, but women do once a year after they are 29?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What does a man do only once in his lifetime, but women do once a year after they are 29? Probably like a mammogram.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Like, why is there a library? Wow. In Italy. Before we pull up these riddles, we got to talk about a couple weeks ago, a couple episodes back, I challenged our fans to show Smosh Mouth to animals.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Do they? You're never going to guess this one.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No, it's dumb as hell. It's as good housekeeping as it gets. Is it like actually contribute to cleaning the dish? No.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Vacuumed. The answer is turn 30. What does a man do only once in his lifetime, but women do once a year after they are 29?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Because it's like, oh, I'm actually just 30. I'm turning 30. Like, lol. Lol.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Diane, you gotta check this out. Diane. She's like, I told you not to call me, bitch. I heard the best insult the other day about that, where they were showing off the, not to get political, the White House press secretary, who's only 26, and they kept showing photos of her, and someone was like, in what, Celsius? And it was like, god damn! They were like, ooh! I'm like, that's really funny.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
These are so funny. Keep going. That one stands alone. I can't find others that are like that. The cheese. I want to find another one that's fucked up like that.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What is the longest word in the dictionary? Is it just another one where it's longest? No, it smiles because there's a mile between each S. Oh, my God.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Highlights. Highlights. Highlights was great. Highlights was awesome. There was a very big turning point in my life where the allergist I'd go to like once a month, I always used to look at highlights. And then one time they had Shonen Jump, which is like the compilation of like, okay, it's Yu-Gi-Oh and Dragon Ball Z and all that. It was like the comics. And I was like, I think I'll read this one.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Comic strips. Gallant makes his bed on weekends. Goofus sets fire to the neighbor's yard.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And then highlights. Those are like joke riddles, though. Yeah, I wanted to find more of the joke riddles. These are so good. Then go back to animals from the first one. Hey, guys, what two keys can't open any door? A-flat and B-minor.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yeah. This is also wrong. Piano key? This is also wrong.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What two keys can't open any door? Keys to your heart. What two keys? Keys to your heart. Keys on Van Nuys.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And maybe people have. We don't know. Well, we won't see those pictures. But I was like, I want Smosh Mouth to have been seen by every kind of animal. Oh, that's great. Like a Noah's Ark, but Shane and Amanda's Hubris. But this podcast. We're the Noah's Ark of podcasts.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No, you want to know the answer? Chastity Bulky. A monkey and a donkey. A monkey can totally open a door. And a donkey just goes straight through.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I love these riddles. Go back to the first one. The first one had all the animal ones where it's like, which animal cares the most? It's like this one because it loves you and us a lot. Oh my God. It's all those.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
A bear, because they always want to call you honey.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Is that her pen name though? Oh my God, you're so right.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I am a bird, a fruit, and a person. What am I? Kiwi. It's a kiwi. Kiwi birds are so cute. What kind of fruit must have a large wedding ceremony with a lot of guests? Kiwi.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yeah. Yeah. A grape, because they've got a large family tree. That's pretty good.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You could just say that for most fruit. Like, that one crazy fucking apple. He'll do it, too. What fruit never cheers up? A sad banana. A forlorn banana.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And people have gotten to work on it. It's unbelievable. So we have someone named Nervous Big showed it to a deer yesterday. How freaking cute is that? That deer is just watching Smoshmouth. I love that.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Well, actually, it was that boat trip, and I threw up the whole time. Oh, yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Hey, what fruit is never alone? Can't elope. Bananas, because they're attached. Because they're coming in a bunch.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Grapes, because there's a bunch of them.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Guys, be real. Okay, sorry. I'm sorry. Be real.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Real. I'm sorry. Oh, pear, because they always come in pears.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Why did the citrus tree go to the doctor? Because it was feeling sick.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You've got to be careful about that. You've got to be careful around deer ticks. What kind of foods are the most fun at parties? Oh, I saw this one. I know this one, but I saw this one, so I'm going to zip it. Can you get it, Amanda?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What kind of foods are the most fun at parties? I'll give you a hint. This one's not a fruit.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's a fruit. It's not a fruit. It's not a vegetable. Some people would say it's a vegetable. It's not a vegetable.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It is in relation to the answer to the room that has no windows or doors.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What is the wealthiest nut? I saw this one too. Sorry, when I was scrolling.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You're like, well, you're stuck with me. You nutted.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
User Ucius on Reddit showed it to their guinea pigs. One of the guinea pigs is watching.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Wealthiest nut. Wealthy. Rich also counts for this.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
There's a Chris Rock routine about it. He's not talking about rich. He's talking about wealthy.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And I also... I refuse that answer. I like chestnut.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And I also would say Mr. Peanut because that's generational wealth. He is a brand, but he has a company, and monocles aren't cheap. You're right. Good housekeeping doesn't go there, though. You're definitely right.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The turning 31 was insane. Yeah. Fully insane.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Amanda, when we were talking about this episode, you were like, oh, do I need to come up with riddles? And I was like, sure.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I think the answer is supposed to be like, you know, let's, oh, wait, I actually do know the answer to this one, so I'm not going to take your joke.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Let's see. Diana Rance showed it to her dog.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Are you sure? Yeah. I hope, like, let's never let some shit come between us.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Okay. Yeah, I've heard that one before. Isn't that one pretty sick? Pretty gross. I got a clever one I like. Okay. I would have expected it to be on this list. It's the rich need it and the poor have it. What is it? Love. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Rich need nothing.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Banana! I have a joke that I used to say when I was a teenager that was always a hit. Boobies. I used to be like, why is six afraid of seven?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And I'd be like, because seven is fucking crazy.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Oh, that's a bunny. Oh, sorry. I thought that was like a little chihuahua. That's a bunny.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Oh my god, you should do comedy. I want a lot more anti-riddles. Like the Riddle of the Sphinx where it's like what walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three at night. And like what is the answer is supposed to be a human because like it's a baby that crawls in two legs and then it has a cane when it's in the night of its life.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
But I just want to be like, oh, that one like the fucked up monster of the sands. They're like the fucked up monster of the sands. That one guy. That one guy. Wow. Tony is very ill, but we like him.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What I like about it, too, is you see this a lot on, like, Smosh games, especially in, like, Deception games. But, like, everyone has different ways of thinking. Some people are more direct. Some people are, like, sound-based. Other people do, like, lateral thinking. So there were ones here where I'm like, I don't get it. That's hard. And you're like, oh, silly joke.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And it's like, oh, I didn't think about it. So we're kind of the dream team. I got the silly joke. We can handle any riddle.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Give us your riddles. Comment your riddles and we'll answer them. Gimme them. Okay.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's a very dark photo. Wow, look at it. The phone was definitely like, we're looking at the TV today. Bumble V showed it to her cat. So we got a cat having seen it. Then a user on TikTok showed it to a magpie. So we can show a screenshot of that. Those remember faces. Yeah. They're going to mess you up.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Thanks, Amanda. Oh, yeah, this was so much fun. We loved having you. Also, I love that we pitched videos that actually could just be us hanging out. So if you ever want to kick it.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Just hang out and play Dark Souls. Bloodborne. I think Lies of E might be more Amanda's cup of tea.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
They're going to be into it. So keep showing them to animals. My big request is I want to see monkeys watching. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Extra points if the monkey is holding the phone. Why? If the monkey is holding the phone watching Smosh Mouth. No.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I got more. Before we started, we were talking about Resident Evil. We were talking about how fun it is to watch you and Angela play that with Spencer. I was saying, and this is not from like a casting perspective. It's from like an audience viewer perspective. When I watch those, I'm like, I want to do that. I want to show you the games. Not as though like Damien of Smosh should do that instead.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Step one's done. They also love taking apart scarecrows. What? What? Especially if they can fly. Yeah. And the Scarecrow's like, whoa.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The Wicked Witch was one of my hear-me-outs.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And they fix them. You know what? They'll update your phone even if you don't want them to.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
So the fawns can do it and just fix a jukebox, but a monkey can't fix my camera.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I would request, if we're going monkeys, have you ever seen the one that's like a perfect sphere and it just sits there?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And you present him with fruit. Yes. Like an old lady.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No, maybe. I guess I'm not up to, monkeys have never been my thing. He could be a man. We don't know. We got a capuchin, that's a bonobos ape, and that's just Richard. That's Richard, that's a guy. He's like, they'll never know. This monkey's so funny. He's gotten so accustomed to his life. Wow. I would request, I think having any kind of actual attention of sea life is going to be difficult.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It could even be a sea mammal. I'll give you that, but like...
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I want one of those deep sea submarine videos. They're like, oh, we got eyes on this. I've never seen one like that before. Is that a nautilus? It's watching Smosh Mouth. Smosh Mouth, yeah, literally. If someone can show Smosh Mouth to a live angler fish, hundreds if not thousands of feet deep into the ocean.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I've got to call in a favor, and I'm real sorry to Italy about the thing I said before. I did eat a football fish while I was in Italy, and that's like an angler fish, so I'm assuming it doesn't die and then they pull it up for 10,000 feet or whatever. I think it's got to have its last few gasping moments on land. No, they have to be alive. I know, I was like, where am I?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I have a website here, 105 Riddles for Kids. We want to solve... What a transition. These are for kids?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
The episode is about solving riddles, and I have some riddles. We're going to start easy, so 105 Riddles for Kids. Just in case these are really easy, are you going to be mad if we're like... No, I think we could breeze through a lot of these. I'm telling you... It's going to get harder.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Okay. I'll let Amanda. Amanda, I've got the first one for you. This is the first one under easy riddles. And if I know it, I'll be quiet, but I'll also go. Okay. Are you ready? Sure. How many months have 28 days?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
That's not a riddle. That's like a. How many months?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What's the first president of the United States? You're not asking me that, right? No. That's not a riddle.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I mean, like, I'm like, oh, those are my friends. Because we're just...
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
That's incorrect. I don't know what to tell you. That's wrong.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I said, how many months have 28 days? One. All of them have 28 days.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
See, I think that one falls into the realm of like, yes, it's a riddle, but it's more of like a tricky, it's a trick question. As opposed to like, I was expecting like, greater than four be I, but six is too far from my I. What am I? I'm like, the number five? Like, yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I've got some more. These next ones are a little more riddle. Sure, sure, sure, yeah. Okay. I have many teeth, but I can't bite. What am I? It's a comb. It's a comb.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I'm not gonna be this good at it either.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Do you want me to not do that? No, do it. What can you hold in your right hand but never in your left? Your left hand. That is correct.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
There's so many games too. I mean, a pitch that I threw out a long time ago. We'll see if we do this or something like it. Damien, you and I sitting down with Amanda and letting her play Dark Souls, but you and I can't say or do anything. We have to just sit there and just let you play.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
You get to have your moment in the teen drama movie where you take off your glasses and we go, Egbert?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
And you've actually been so good at riddles the whole time. Amanda. Amanda.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
There's only one word in the dictionary that's spelled wrong. What is it?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Hey, what's full of holes and still holds water? Your fucking story. How? Your alibi. Your alibi.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Holy water? I... I'll give it to you. I respect that.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No, because at first I thought it was a cup because I'm like, there's one hole on the top and a straw also has two holes. So there's one on the bottom or one hole depending. But then it's a sponge. It's a sponge. Yeah. What has a head and a tail but no body? Coin. Yeah, there you go. Sorry.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What can fill a room but takes up no space? Silence. Noise.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Thank you, Amanda. Bring out the guest. No, thank you. Hey, welcome. And another Damien walks down and sits down. If I had a nickel.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
What can you catch but not throw? A cold. or these hands.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I mean, I'm going to be so real with you. You do riddles for fun? No.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Riddles? It just comes with the territory. I'm not going to figure out necessarily who's mad at me and when, but this shit is on lock. That's incredible. That is incredible. What two things can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner. There you go. I don't know. I've had struggle meals. I guess as a social person, I'm not going to do well. You got the light thing. Remember Ron?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I don't know why the light on this iPad goes in and out. That can fill a room, but it doesn't take space.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
It's also rain, Wilson. Gravity sucks for him.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Yeah, it's hard. What goes up and down but never moves? A roller coaster or an escalator or the stock market. But it moves. Yeah, what goes up and down but never moves?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No, that moves. Up and down. What goes up and down but never moves? The tone of your voice. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
No. But it doesn't move. It's not changing locations. What goes up and down but doesn't move?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Shane, is it your anger? Amanda, get out the letter that we both prepared. You don't get it. It's a stairway. No. No.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Because that assumes that you're a human, and if you're a cow, you can't go downstairs.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Well, we can say stuff, but we just have to be chill and just let you... Here's the stipulation. We can't help you. We don't backseat game. We don't tell you what to do. I don't know if I can help not lore dropping. Because... Dark Souls does so much environmental stuff where I'm like, see that dead body in the corner? Actually, that implies that this entire order of holy figures.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Their little legs. Their little legs. Think of them. Which question can you never answer yes to? I think I disagree with this one. I fully disagree with this one. This one's wrong. Which question can you never answer yes to? Something like can you answer no or is this question right or are you lying? Is your next sentence a lie? Oh, is your next question a lie? No.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I think this is definitively wrong. It's are you asleep?
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I have answered yes to that, and I have not remembered it because I was asleep when I answered yes to it.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Does anyone else want to take the... Yeah, I do.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
If you want to scroll down further, I think they get a little more challenging.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
Go to tricky. Yeah, if this is not Saw level where you have me hooked up to a device... And you bring up something from my past.
Smosh Mouth
#82 - Solving The Hardest Riddles We Could Find
I didn't know there was more. I'll do Beopardy rules. You gotta get through it.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Who is it that showed the guy's nudes? Who? At lunch.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You guys weren't there? No. Somebody was like, I didn't know about this.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Selena's making marks on her notepad. There's some secret words. None of you guys have said my secret word, and I'm totally screwed. I know what the word is. Nude. Penis. Don't say it. I think that first word you said is it. I think that's 100% it.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Is it Jeff Probst? I don't... That would be genius. Like you on this show. Damn. You brought it up. Wait. It's relevant.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
My secret words are douchebag, civ, C-I-V as in civilization, Anthony, minivan, and wine. Bonus points for Cabernet Sauvignon. My words are dynamite, George Bush, meme, island, and Jeff Probst. Or however you say his name, Probst.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yes, he did. Where? You haven't seen it? No. They're old. They're old school. Okay, so I said... Like, they're old school. Like, they're... You know, it's like... I just want to say, for HR purposes, I did not... I refused to look at it because it was at work. But then yesterday... Actually, I shouldn't promote people because I think that was a leak. So maybe I shouldn't be promoting that. But...
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I gotta say, I think it was pre before everyone started taking cell phone nudes. Because it definitely feels like he set up an old Polaroid. It definitely seemed like he set up a camera on a table. How does he have the time? He's in Fiji 24-7. He's just standing like this. Oh, no. It is full body Jeff Probst.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He's just fully naked. And he's just standing there with the whole hog out. He's shown whole hog.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
That would have been a good one. That would have been a good secret word.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
My favorite thing on Survivor is at the end when it's like, all right, it's time to go to the final thing. Tribal council? He leaves the island by going through the jungle with a machete and he gets on a helicopter and then he jumps out of the helicopter into a plane and then takes the plane to LA and parachutes out.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I can't believe. So you've seen every season of Survivor.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I like. Is it still like are people still starving in the show? Because like I remember like.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, like you would see those before and after photos of people on Survivor and it is shocking.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You're admitting it. I just dived into my deepest... Ian is so far in the lead right now. We have to really... None of you guys are going to say my words.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Amanda's words are like cardamom. Blue, Purple Mountain Majesty.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Love is Blind sucks, though. I think I said this on the podcast before, but what I appreciate about, because Courtney watched all of Vanderpump Rules. I never watched that. I think she's on the final season, right? Wow. But it's a spinoff of Real Housewives, right?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And there's all these reality shows like Real Housewives and Vanderpump Rules, which are, and I don't mean this in a bad way, they're trash TV. You're watching a bunch of douchebags duke it out. I don't mean it in a bad way, it's trash. But it's fun to watch. And then the reunions, they really call everyone out. They make a point of being like, you did this shitty thing.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You need to answer for it right now. That's the sell of it. But with Netflix, the way they're doing their reality shows pisses me off so much because there are heartwarming reality shows, right? That's Extreme Home Makeover. Love on the Spectrum. Yeah, like they have these shows where it's like, oh, this is about feeling good and understanding people.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
They try to sell Love is Blind as a heartwarming show, but it is trash TV. It is so nasty. It is absolutely trash TV. A lot of the contestants on Love is Blind are just as bad.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
There hasn't been a season of Love is Blind where I haven't seen someone just outright manipulating people and then not getting called out on it. In the reunion, they act as if it never happened. And it's so frustrating to watch. I think the reunions are the biggest miss on Love is Blind because... One of my favorite things about Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is the reunions.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Andy Cohen goes in. They get into every little piece.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It's the best. One of them gets arrested on camera. Yeah. They full on arrest her. So she doesn't get arrested on camera because she gets some kind of tip off and then mysteriously leaves. And then Homeland Security and the NYPD show up in Salt Lake City and they're like, we're looking for Jin Shaw. And they're like, we don't know where she is.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You said... You said... Beyonce. Beyonce. Fuck. If you're trying to guess her secret words, you're going to say them, and then she's going to get points.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
So like she gets like a call and then she's like, she makes up some bullshit and she's like, oh, Sharif's in the hospital. I have to go right now. And then they get footage. They get footage of the police raiding her home with like assault rifles.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
So she was running, allegedly, or was she convicted? No, she was convicted. Yeah, she's in prison. So she was running a telemarketing fraud scheme that was defrauding old people.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And because she lives in this giant mansion and her husband is like an assistant coach to like a call it like a like not like a high, not like a D1 college team, but like a smaller college. So it's like, where did they get this money? I don't know. That's how. Don't mess with old people. And the best part is, like, so they were all going to go on this trip to Vail, I think it was.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. And they were all going to get in this. Mark it down.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Anyways, so they're all going to get on this bus to go there. And that's when she like as they're like loading in. That's when she gets a text. She leaves. So all the other women decide to still go on this trip. And as they're going on the trip, all the news is coming in. So they're reacting to it in like real news about her. Yeah. And they're like, oh, I knew something was wrong.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And then this one woman who always makes everything about herself is like, I got to call my lawyers. I got to call my lawyers. You cannot make this shit up.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Angela's locked in on all of this. Oh, it's how she unwinds. To a wild degree, because as Courtney was watching Vanderpump Rules, she would watch like a specific episode and be like, yeah, this thing. And Angela would be like, yeah, that episode where this happened and they said this to this person. I'm like, you know this all verbatim. And it was...
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I didn't hear about this because I'm not as locked in on reality TV, but they got to a season where Scandaval happens. And I guess Scandaval is just this huge... Scandal. Yeah. So one of the main guys on Vanderpump, Tom Sandoval, who's just the most ridiculous human you've ever seen. I now know this watching Traitors.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He's truly like, he's locked in, but on all bullshit.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. I was just like. Wearing like a bowler cap or something.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Like, what are the names of the members of the Backstreet Boys? Ooh. Ooh.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He's just so... He's an alien. Like, I truly believe, like, Tom Sandoval is an alien. But so many women are upset with him because... Oh, yeah, because it's revealed in this one season that he was having an affair for, like, eight months with one of the other cast members. And they, like, they... So what happens is they find this out at the end of the season.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
They discover that... On camera, right? Yeah, basically it's kind of revealed on camera that he was cheating on his partner for eight months. And so they're like, we need to get another episode in. So they bring in the crew from Real Housewives to film a whole other episode. And they're cutting back to footage. They're showing how far this all went. And they're constantly catching him in lies.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Where he's like... Yeah, I think it started around here, but then they show footage from earlier when you're like, oh, wait, you guys were having an affair. Then it keeps piling up, and then the reunion is just insane.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Ian, you would make Chris Kirkpatrick one of your secret words. Maybe I did. Everyone's probably like, who's that? Seriously. He's full of the goggles. Yes. Oh, I only know it from the Eminem lyric.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
No, you know what it is? I realized he was a model for a long time. He's just Zoolander. Truly. He's actually of Zoolander was kind of a piece of shit.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
They're amused by him. He gives me the energy as somebody who got D's in every class.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
What's going on here? For some reason, I can just so clearly picture him in high school just getting straight Ds.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
so the reality show people are such an interesting type of person i mean we i talked about this when tommy was on forever ago but like i'm like it's not easy to nail this like archetype because like tommy's obsessed with abby lee miller and i'm like abby lee miller is a horrible person but entertaining to watch and most horrible people are not entertaining to watch you you don't want to watch a horrible person yeah they have to like
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Traitors is fascinating, though, because you have people from Survivor who are used to playing games. Yeah. And then you have Real Housewives. You have people from Survivor, The Challenge, and Big Brother who are good at the game.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And they do it well. And then you have Real Housewives and Tom Sandoval who just have no idea what's going on. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
yeah i love how the editors in that show because like i'm sure like every at some point everyone's giving attitude to everyone but like the editors in that show make sure to point out every time people are just so fucking done with tom chrishell or i think that's my name she's just like i'm voting for tom because i just you cheated on my friend it's like yeah yeah okay and tom's like
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, dude. Yeah. He was cool. Luckily, Eminem's one of my secret words. Shit! Really? No. Come on, guys. I wouldn't just tell you. It's all rappers. He just wrote it all.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah, he's just like I think he actually thinks people are being murdered He's like Sierra you came back from the coffin it's such a it's I love the show cuz I'm like Oh, they're just playing werewolf.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
What do we do? They try to row the boat and it just immediately goes into the shore. Yeah. It's incredible. I wonder if they like, I kind of get the feeling like those games aren't actually on a real time limit. I don't think so.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, they're so bad at the games, and I feel like they're actually, the producers are like, just give them another 15 minutes. They haven't done shit.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
When they were not doing anything for the first 20 minutes.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I assume they have a stylist. I think they have a stylist. I think they have a stylist that they pay for. I think Alan Cummings said that they are picking all these outfits for him. Well, they're definitely picking Alan's outfits. It's very cool. I mean, I'm going to be real. Not all hits.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Some misses. That might be a hot take, man. That's a hot take.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
That might be a hot take. People might be really upset about that. Look, a lot of them hits. Some of them, eh.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
whoa trying a little too hard but like the quilt like it's perfect i think this point i think the point is that he's trying super i think he's supposed to be like do you think he lives in that castle i think he lives there where is he from that castle i think he's scottish he's scottish i'm pretty sure yeah yeah do you think he lives there No. Yeah, that's his castle. Let's say yes.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a weird reveal whenever, like, because they, I saw some back behind the scenes stuff where it's like, oh, they go to a hotel at the end of the night, all the contestants.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I don't even know. With traders, do they have, like, wine at the castle? Do they have alcohol? Oh, yeah. Yeah, they have a bar. Oh, yeah, they're drinking. I feel like they're not... I wouldn't want to drink.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
The Highlands? I think I looked it up. They're in the northeast or kind of north middle of the Highlands. I always wanted to go there. Highlands right down? It's beautiful. I mean, there's... No! Just kidding. There's so many castles up there, and you can stay in them. A lot of them have been converted into hotels, so you can go to... I stayed in a castle that looked a lot like that.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
No, probably. Are you just saying they have a Starbucks in a castle?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. I feel like your friend just saw an old building that a Starbucks was in. Castle! This must be a castle.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Everything looks like a castle there. Everything's old as hell over there. I went to Edinburgh and it was just like, you can't walk into a building that wasn't built in the 1700s or earlier. It's so rad. It's incredible. There's like photos. They have like a... they have like photos from like the 1800, like late 1800s of like Edinburgh. And it looks the same. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You're correct. That's NSYNC. Oh, you're giving me another point, huh?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Like, yeah, it's truly, there's no new buildings around there. You, you walk around and it's like, yeah, it's all old. You feel like you're transported back in time. Yeah. It was incredible. I love that place.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Uh, Courtney and I went, uh, a little over, uh, over a year ago. It was, it was right before Anthony came back. Um, Is this when you also went to London? We were there And then when we came back It was the following month that Anthony returned So you went to London You went to London and Edinburgh And it was so awesome. Nice. Just a lovely time.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
We took a train. Oh. Which was lovely. So easy. All I want to do is take a train. It was incredible.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I actually took Metrolink for the first time. I liked it. Yeah. It's like 10 bucks.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've done that a lot. Love that one. So great. The surf liner. Love that one. Surf liner? You just go along the beach the whole time. Surf rider? It's incredible. I forget what it's called. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It's not 24 hours, but they do have like early trains. After 8 p.m., you got to hop in the minivan and get down there.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
That would be fun. How do we get to trains? Scotland's great.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Anyways. Anyways. What's going on, man? Who's president when... No. No. No, man. No.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Who's president when Survivor started? If you truly hate one of your... You would make one of your words... I am not saying a president's name. It's because you don't know.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Survivor was like 2000, 1999. Was it Bill? Was it Bill Clinton?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I feel like a year ago, Ian, we wanted to get you on here and talk about reality TV because you're a big fan of reality television. Yeah, I'm kind of like a I still consider myself a reality TV baby. I didn't get into reality TV until the pandemic. He's a baby. Love is blind is oddly what got me into it because I was like, this is the worst show ever. I'm going to watch it.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It's not Bill Clinton. It's not Bill Clinton. You're giving him what he wants right now. Selena's not writing anything down, but she's pretending to. I don't know.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
What was the first reality TV show? Was it Real World?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
yeah i watched all that yeah my brothers are obsessed with the challenge which is like mtv's reality summer games it's yeah it's it's insane um but uh it's a hardcore one that's why wes was like so intense i was like well that's that's their vibe i get it but like dude read the room i want to say he's one of the mellower ones on no i was just like read the room But that's how he plays.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He was like, yeah, I'm intense. You guys can't take that. F you.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I feel like we didn't really spoil anything from Traders. I don't think it's not too bad. I don't think it matters.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I had a lot of stuff spoiled and I still really enjoyed it. It's fine. And as of recording this, it's not.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You guys want to talk about video games? You guys want to talk about memes?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You're literally, right after this, you're about to go play Resident Evil for a bunch.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You guys are about to live. Spoiler alert. We're recording this on the day of the live stream of Resident Evil.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, that messed me up. Oh, we're past the scary baby. Yeah, I know. But that part messed me up bad.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, my God. No, it's crazy. But also the, like, walking thing that's... Oh, yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, you're with Lady D, yeah. That was eight. I thought that was... Oh, that is eight. We already defeated Lady D. Have you gotten to the dolls?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Show a photo of him. Tell me that's not young Jerry Garcia.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I played a Grateful Dead fan for seven years on television. I had to do a little research.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
No. No. Now we're just making shit up, man. I almost believe that. No, it is.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
No, but Cherry Garcia. You're thinking Cherry Garcia. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
They make deals. They strike a deal. Every time someone orders that ice cream, his ghost gets a handy. No one really gets it.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I don't know how... Well, because I was like, what would a ghost want as a residual?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Anyways. I think ice cream flavors have gotten out of hand. Did you do like a bunch of acid to prepare for your role as the Grateful Dead?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I've never seen it. Nobody, I've talked about this before, but I think I gave off the vibes that nobody ever offered me drugs. Yeah. So.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You give off those vibes. I just give off the vibes that it's just like, don't offer him drugs.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. And I've seen all the American ones. I watched Love is Blind in Japan, which is incredible. Did you watch the Brazil one?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Unfortunately, you do give off the vibes of an undercover cop. And I did when I was 15, too. No, no, no.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
My father's a cop. My father's a cop. Yeah. They're the ones who do. I just gave off, like, just don't. No. They're like, oh, this guy, this guy. Don't waste your acid on that guy. And I'm over here just, like, sitting in the corner with a mountain dude. Like, I'm really getting a buzz off this one, guys. This party's crazy. I got to go home. I'm getting real zooted off this mountain dude.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Hello. So I was just trying to figure out which camera was mine. You okay? I think it's that one.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Same. And it's really sad. I need to start. Y'all have fallen into my traps so many times.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. Like that's not fair. I made mine interesting. Like what? Oh, my God. Amanda? That's not one of my words. You could say it. No. At the end, we're going to guess each other's words.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I think we should. I think I guessed one of your words earlier, but now I forgot it.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Anyway, who's y'all's favorite president from the early 2000s?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
But I think it's a ruse. I think it's a red herring. I think he throws. And what are we supposed to say? Red herring was my word. What? It would be. No. That'd be incredible. No. That'd be incredible.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
good i i i'm regretting my words as well i thought i picked them i picked them wisely but i wasn't wise i was stupid what's y'all's favorite ben and jerry's ice cream i i it's not like something i go i think vanilla and chocolate are the best i think he said wow he said it earlier i think cookies and cream as well i think we said i think we said it earlier
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I'll have to think about that one. Love is Blind, yeah, I didn't watch a lot of reality TV for a long time. I used to watch a ton of it when I was younger. In the 2000s, you know, you had that stretch where reality TV was... Like what?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You think I would write Cherry Garcia as my word? I would believe that. I would believe that, and it would be incredible. I don't know. That would be insane. No, because the conversation steered that way outside of your control. I think that would just be extreme luck.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I was kind of hoping that my words would naturally come up. Me too. And they just haven't.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You're trying to get us to say VPR. Aren't you? No. I never watched that show. Which show? that show. That's crazy. Then this is more of a game of picking smarter words.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I know. I should have picked smarter words. He listens. It's not mine. It's not my word. But I think it's your word.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
messing with you right now. I'm so paranoid. We're literally playing traitors right now.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Okay, I've been thinking about this a lot. I think I would be a pretty good faithful.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
But the problem is, if you're too good at... I'd have to... I would... Go in there, and I'd be like, I need to act like Tom Sandoval. I need to be the biggest idiot. Because, okay, this is a little bit of a spoiler, but anyone who's decently good at the game, gone. By the end of the show, it's idiots. Of course. All the dumbest people are left. Well, not necessarily. Except for the traitors.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Or people who are playing dumb. It's rare that someone who's outwardly playing a great game... Yeah, but Zac Efron's brother is doing a good job. But I think he's going to die. He's done an okay job. He's had misses, but... If I'm going on Traders, I am pretending to be...
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
so dumb i'm i'm gonna be clueless or like quiet or boring i think the issue is like if you go in too hard on somebody that yes is a traitor you're gone and you don't get rid of that traitor then you're done then you're done but i think also if you are not contributing at all then you're safe to kind of kill because people are like well i mean
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Everything. I mean, from 2000 to 2008, reality television was at, I think, its most insane, right? That's when they had zero empathy for people.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
So for the people that aren't watching Traders, so it's all reality TV stars. And then one guy who's like three steps removed from the royal family. Princess Diana or something. And he's like, quote unquote, the first gay royal ever. And he's this old guy. There never was any before him. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. There never was an history.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He's this old guy who is like, I don't want to say senile, but he's really not there.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He's just kind of chilling. It's like, who let this random guy wander onto the set? And he's old, so the physical challenges, he's not pulling his weight.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Sam, who is, by the way, Britney Spears' ex. Sam S. Ashar? It's just like some random people who just don't say anything. And they're kept around because they're just not really a threat to anyone.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Tom Sandoval's still there because nobody's worried about him.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It's smart to keep somebody like Tom Sandoval on the game because he's pointing fingers everywhere. At the wrong people. And sometimes they might be right, but a lot of times they're wrong. So if you keep him in there, he's going to throw people off.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yes. So the first five. And like some of the worst. Oh, horrible stuff. I was talking to someone the other day about the swan.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
But because I think I'd be such a good faithful is why I think I should be a traitor. Because I think everyone like I would I would what I would happen is if I'm a traitor, if I'm a traitor, I'm going to go in there and just be like, I'm going to forget that I'm a traitor. And I play this like I'm like I'm a faithful as best as I can.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I'm going to be in that mindset all the time and and just go with it.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Let's get rid of him. I'd have to be really dumb and hope that nobody else on the show watches Smosh.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And it's like, oh, there's some like guys. There's some like weird like accusations on Sierra where they're like, you're like you're like cursing.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
What do you think would be your victory line? Oh, I would. That'd be fun. Oh, yeah. And boom goes the. No. I'd be like, and guess what? I'm a traitor. Oh! And I'd friggin... Did you have that set up for this moment? Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
So it started with extreme makeover when they're like, we're going to just make you a better person by doing all this plastic surgery, doing all these things on you. And it was like, okay. And then they were like, let's make the swan where it was that, but just dialed up to 15 and Well, it's like we did it with Holmes. Now, why don't we do it with people? No, it's so terrible.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
That fits perfectly for Boom Goes the... Boom Goes the Dynamite. Yeah. Which is my secret sentence. Just kidding.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Disqualify him. Have you seen... Boom Goes the Dynamite? Have you seen Boom Goes the Dynamite? This is not... My secret word is boop, boop, boop. No, this is not Harambe level. This is an old viral clip. Boom Goes the Dynamite.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Um, do you want to explain? Do you want me to explain? You can explain it. So there's this old clip and it's a, uh, like a college, like, uh, sports announcer. Like he's recapping sports. Sick.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I love that word. So he's recapping some sports highlights for the basketball team. And what happens is I think his prompter goes out. So he doesn't have any of the words coming through. Bad. So he's now just seeing this highlight clip of like... at basketball players and he's just like, and they made it down the court and he shoots there and boom, boom goes the dynamite.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He just keeps saying boom goes the dynamite whenever they make a shot. It's so incredible.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I don't know who I am. Yeah. Scary. I mean, luckily for him, it was sports, which is fine. But if you're talking about a heavy subject, you'd have to just say, oh, the teleprompter.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
No, he clearly did not know ball. He was not a ball knower. Unlike me.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I always have had these. So for those that are listening right now, Shane is pulling small basketballs out from under the table and just shooting them across the... Into nowhere. Into nowhere. And it's friggin' sick, man. That's crazy. But every time you do that, you have to say the line. Boom goes the dynamite. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. Can you imagine if that guy was doing the play-by-play of JFK in Dallas? And then his teleprompter went off.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, come on. That's one of your... You made one of your words... Hold on. You made one of your words... That? Wearing. You would. Are you referring to the Scottish dress? No. Oh. What? You are. No. Well, we know it's a piece of clothing. I'm not going to say any clothing anymore. What?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You're so far behind because Shane said my word like six times in a row.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Extreme Homeroom was the spinoff. It was extreme makeover and then extreme home makeover was after.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
That's insane. Guys. There's an element of luck here. Get your ass. It wasn't luck. I walked you right into that trap.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You get all those, Selena? Okay. This was a really good creative. This is a really solid idea. We've got some good ideas we're doing. I still want to do, but the one I'm most excited about is the psalm. Psalmier. Oh. Yeah. I want to do that soon. Wait, we bring a...
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It should be maybe us, Angela. We need people who are experts. Let's compromise. We could just go, like, there's closer wine country. There's closer wine country. Napa's overrated, y'all.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I think that's one. Hour and a half. It's like closer to where James Dean died. Paso Robles. Paso Robles. Paso Robles.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I think it'd be really awesome. Paso Manos. I'm not a big... I don't really like wine, but I'd like to give it a shot and understand more.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Because, obviously, like, I could decipher the difference between a white and a red. But, like, when you boil it down further...
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Could you just know a region? Could you know a region? Could you taste a wine and know where it's from?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Are you a super taster? What's a super taster? Like someone who just really tastes stuff super. I super taste it. I'm super tasting wine a lot. Or like they could sense like taste.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
They're not allowed to look at a mirror the entire time. And I mean, it was just risky. It was so extreme. And obviously there's nothing wrong with people getting plastic surgery, but the way that it went about it was, was just kind of terrifying. It was shocking. It was such a bad show. I think they followed up... I remember listening to something and they followed up with one of the contestants.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I'll be honest. I thought there was only three types of red wine. Sure.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
There's like three. No. I mean, I know that's not true, but I can see how you could. What did you think the three types were? Because if you go to Olive Garden, there's three types. There's a Malbec. There's a Cab. Nice. And there's a Chianti.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Not like a cab. I can have a cab all the time. Wow. Take a cab.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I would really love to see, though, if you and Angela, who would win?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
yeah less crowded less crazy like of course we like decided to go to um francis ford coppola's and we're just like yeah that's like i feel like that would be like going to like the star like the starbucks like reserve no it was like it was like disneyland yeah when you went in you were like oh my god it's disneyland can you imagine like do you think yellowtail has like a winery that you go to
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
What's that? It's Australian. It's just like a very like basic, it's like a very cheap one. Yeah. Barefoot.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It's gonna be B. We start rolling, and I forget the cameras are here. That's cool. I'm just in the moment, living my real life, having an actual conversation.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Sounds like you don't want me to come. I didn't say that. You asked that like when like one friend is like walking towards a group of friends and they walked in on them talking about like a sleepover and they're like, do you want to come?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I'm going to leave it. Can I come to a sleepover? No. He'd come. He'd just play Civ in the other room.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He's going to become immortal? Yeah. Oh, he's doing the Immortal difficulty?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And... she was very positive about her experience. It's like, great. Like, you know, if that, if that, if that worked out for them, I'm happy because like, I think a lot of the people like in Biggest Loser, which was another wild show from that time.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, that's pretty good. Whoa, do you do that? No, I find that Emperor is the difficulty that I like to play in. I couldn't get into Civ. He's reaching Immortal level. Is he playing Civ 7 or is he playing Civ 6? Because Civ 7 just came out.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He's like, I'm done. I'm retiring from running civilizations.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I know you're paying because, yeah, I have it on Switch. I had Civ VI on Switch and Xbox, and on Switch alone, I put in over 400 hours.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's part of the marriage. It's okay. Yeah. We've talked through it. Anyways. I didn't know that Civ was such a sticking point. Civ and Dota.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It's apparently incredible. Yeah. One of the best games of all time. Taking my husband away. But I hear Civ 7 sucks.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Civ 7 just came out, and it's not complete. It'll get better. I think it'll get better, but the UI is atrocious. It's really bad.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
What did I eat? Amanda's words were like bowler cap oysters. I had a delicious. I think it's oysters.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I had a delicious half chicken with lemony potatoes. Oh, that sounds delicious. I had a really tasty salad that had tomatoes.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, I had probably one of the worst prefix menus of my life. What was on it? It was like, God, it was just bad. It was just bad.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It was like this, one of the courses was this abarico pork over like a blue corn grits. Okay. It was disgusting.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
The other one was like, it was like the squid ink tostada. It was bad. It was bad. It sucks. Do we want to call it? Do you want to keep going?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Quit while I'm ahead. All right. Let's call it. The game is over, but do you want to try to guess each other's words really quick? We'll try to guess yours. Okay. So one of yours was kilt.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I think he might have been wearing a top hat. I thought it was a bowler cap, but it might have been a top hat.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
No, I think you're right. It was either him or it was...
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Do you remember that intro? No, but I can imagine it. But like a lot of those people wound up because like the mechanisms through which they lost weight didn't really work out for most of them in the long run. A lot of them after the show gained all of their weight back.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Top hat's not bad. You should have brought up gentleman.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You said werewolf, and then you said, oh, the gentlemen and traders.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I know, I know, it's tough. Hard. You had a food in there. Was it like salad? Ceviche. Ceviche was one of your words? You know what's crazy? I did have ceviche. I did have ceviche.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Well, no, I went to a ceviche place, but then they didn't really serve any ceviche. You're right, because I told you about that. I know.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah, I went to a ceviche place, but it was also a prefix.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Sunrise? Oh, because you were trying to talk about the train. Yeah. Because you were talking about sunset. But you're not going to see the sunrise come over because it's the wrong coast, honey.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
We were talking about beaches and stuff at several points. Oh, that's brutal.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Slippery Slope. You know, a good one. One that's not going to be said a lot, though. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I feel like y'all can guess most of mine. Oh, I messed up. Was it Jeff Probst? Jeff Probst was one. Damn, we're so screwed. I hate you.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
survivor oh tom sandoval y'all are so fucked okay tom sandoval no oh vanderpump was it vanderpump no was it uh was it lisa oh see i thought you had a vanderpump on your no i told you i didn't was it housewife no should i just tell you yeah yeah okay so i can't believe i gave you the fucking layup on this one so many times dynamite
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
How did we end up... You perfectly brought up that clip, and of course I'm going to talk about it. I had basketballs here. Did you know that he was going to have basketballs? No, I didn't know he was going to have basketballs. It literally was so... You literally had the assist. Sports terms. Devastating. You tried to avoid saying this, but you still said it. George Bush.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I said George Bush Senior. Oh, you just had George Bush. I just wrote George Bush.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You shouldn't have said a president name. I know. I know. This one, somehow we never said this, and I'm surprised. I tried to bait you into it. Meme. Wow, you did. You did. When I go, we could talk about video games, and you said we could talk about memes.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
All right. And then this last one. I mean, I feel like I feel like I already won the game like five minutes. Yeah, you did. Island. No.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
So good. Okay, his words were good. Temptation Island. His words were good. I'm surprised we actually didn't really talk about Love Island that much. That's what I originally wrote island for. Okay.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yes. I had a good late game. I had a bad early game. Okay, good late game. I don't know if any of my words were said in the first 30 minutes. Wow. I don't think a single word was said.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I have no guesses. Yeah. I thought these would come up, and they didn't.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
No. No, mine, I should have done more around reality.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Wine is one of them. Now here's what sucks. Here's what sucks. Who am I? I was going to get extra points. We agreed I would get extra points if Cabernet Sauvignon was said. But you said every wine. And I was sitting there and I was like, it should be a specific wine. And I was like Zinfandel or something. And then Cabernet Sauvignon. And then you said Zinfandel, Merlot.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
You said all these other frigging kinds. Except for Cabernet Sauvignon.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And if you knew wine, you would know that was basic. So wine, I had minivan, which I tried to bring it up.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I know, but you didn't. I didn't. We never mentioned his name, Anthony. And I was hoping it would come up, but it didn't.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Douchebag. I did hear that word. I said it because I was trying to just get it out there.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Well, apparently not for this past hour. Whoa. Yeah, because I got a weird reaction when you said douchebag. I was like, oh, that's such a good word.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I was going to be... Absolutely losing, getting zero points. But this last word came in clutch at the end, which was sieve. No!
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
That's a good question. She's probably still working out. But you guys haven't mentioned the sexiest of the reality shows from back then. The sexiest? Let's see. There's Survivor.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I knew if I had Civ that Ian, if I just made it happen. And now me. But you said it. You said it the most.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And I was like, what? I might have gotten second place only because of Civ.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Three points. Shane got 21 points. Oh, my. You guys were saying Civ like this and that. Oh, no. And Ian, you're going to have like 50 points. I don't think so. 33 points.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Shane, can you explain the basketballs? It's just there.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Boom goes the dynamite. Boom goes the dynamite. You can't see, but off camera there is a hoop and I've made every single one of those shots. No, there isn't. Guys, thank you for watching. Thank you for playing along. Ian, congrats.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. All right. Pitch some words down below. Okay. All right. See you later. Bye. Bye.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
There was The Challenge. Those aren't sexy. No, it's the one where they're trying to get people to cheat. Oh, wait. Oh, Temptation Island? Yeah. Dude. I never watched that. I never watched Temptation Island.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Well, that was later, because that's, like, a Netflix one. Okay, Temptation Island. Temptation Island started forever ago, and it's just absolutely horrendous.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yes. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was on Fox, and it was, like... This was before Netflix and all that shit. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it was, like, they were getting people that were... Were they engaged or something? I just think they're in long... They were in long-term relationships.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Dude, should we move Smosh Mouth to a garden? That would be so sick.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah, they take people who are in long-term relationships, right, men and women, and they split them off, and the women live in one house, and the men live in another house, and then they bring a bunch of single people, single hot men and women to be in the opposite houses.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And the way it also works is, so the women are in this house with a bunch of hot guys, the men are in this house with a bunch of hot women. There's a red light in each of their houses, and the red light goes off whenever someone's fooling around in the other house. I did not know this. Yes. I never watched the show. It is devastating shit. I never watched the show. And get this.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Shane watched a lot of it. No, no. There was some recent drama with Temptation Island in Spain.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
That'd be incredible. And we're just picking fresh tomatoes and just chomping on them. Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It's happening, and it's happening all over the world.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
So in Temptation Island, Spain, I got served all these clips on TikTok. They had these two houses on the beach, and there's this couple. They've been in a relationship for 10 years. And what they also do is they do challenges that kind of force the people into the zone. So it's like, oh, we're doing a challenge where the women give the men lap dances. And that's the challenge.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And so you have no choice. But then they're also constantly showing each other footage. They're displaying footage to the other houses. And so they show this footage to the other house of like, here's your boyfriend getting a lap dance from this girl. And so the girl then sees that and goes, oh, well, if he's doing this, then I'm going to go do crazy stuff.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
And then what it culminates in, what it culminates in is he gets the opportunity. to go and get to watch a live stream of The Other House. They're like, you can go watch what The Other House is doing live. And he's like, okay, I want to go see what's going on. Are the houses, are they on separate islands? No, they're on the same beach, just on the opposite side of the beach. This is important.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Is it an actual island? I don't think it's an island. I think it's just some place, right? But this is important that they are... on like the same beach. So he goes and he's like, I'm gonna go check out this live stream. And of course, she is in bed with another man. And he's sitting there watching it. He loses his mind in the most like Spanish fashion. He's ripping his shirt off.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah, just that squirting tomato sound. Scott's life would be horrible. Your mic is just crusted with seeds everywhere. You're just like, oh, this one's mine. No, but we're going to do that. Okay.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
He's screaming and he bolts onto the beach towards the other villa and the production crew is chasing him.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It's like night. It's like him sprinting across the beach and they're like, Montoya! And he's just like, running and he's screaming, yelling her name and he gets to the other house and confronts her.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
They weren't expecting him to go over there. They probably couldn't catch him. They end up staying together. Sorry, spoiler alert if you're interested. What season is this? It's happening now. This is a couple months ago.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I don't know what happened by the time he got to the house. I didn't see that clip. I only saw the clip of him sprinting down the beach away from production. Wait a second. I love a good reality TV sprinting moment. Oh, my God. It happens in a lot of reality TV shows, and it's so funny seeing the whole production crew trying to keep up with the person.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Because that happened with The Bachelor when he leapt over the wall.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Never got into it. Was it you who told me that Survivor has more babies than The Bachelor? That's so funny.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
More people have gotten together and had babies from Survivor than Bachelor.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
But was it just because they all saw the host nudes? Yeah.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Anyways. This episode of Smosh Mouth is brought to you by Quip. Amanda, your smile's been looking incredible lately. What's the secret?
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Smosh Garden. Before we continue this conversation, we're playing a little game today. Today we are playing Secret Words, something other podcasts have done. Selena pitched this idea to us. Sounds like a lot of fun. So each of us have five secret words that we have written down. And whenever someone else says one of those words, you get a point. And we all have five. Here are our secret words.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
It's really incredible, and if you don't love your Quip 360, you can return it for free within 30 days, but I don't know if you're going to be doing that because they sent me one too, and I'm amazed by it. Just for listeners of Smosh Mouth, get 20% off site-wide and a free travel case and countertop stand at getquip.com. Q-U-I-P dot com slash SmoshMouth.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Free your mouth today and save 20% site-wide plus a free travel case and countertop stand at GetQuip, Q-U-I-P dot com slash SmoshMouth. GetQuip, Q-U-I-P dot com slash SmoshMouth. Back to the show. Let's do it.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah. It's such a good season. And The Bachelor is a crazy one because I actually got to talk to someone who worked on The Bachelor at one point, like 10 years ago. What did they say? They said they're like, oh, it's real. They're like, no, it's real. But they're drinking so much. They're just handing them wine constantly. Of course.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
That's really, and that's what, like, that's what makes me so impressed with Love Island, because, like, they're only allowed, like, one drink a day or something. Yeah, they're not drinking as much. Love Island in general, they're really not drunk.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Yeah, Casa Amor. Casa Amor. Love Island doesn't feel as bad because they're all showing up and meeting each other there, right? So it's all contained to the house. I don't love any show because Netflix also has the ultimatum. Any show that's about, hey, we're bringing couples in and then we're challenging you. I'm like, that's weird. I think that's weird. I think it comes from such a bad place.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
I love the mess. I mean, look, when you start watching it and you have to keep watching it, but it's a morbid curiosity. I do think the shows are just bad. I'm like, I don't believe in this experiment. And I kind of dread Netflix's whole thing of like, this is an experiment.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Oh, 100%. Very toxic relationships. You legitimately have to be in a toxic relationship to go on that show. That's true. This is what I... I think someone should do, though, and maybe someone's already done this. If you are in a relationship, if someone listening here is in this situation, this is what you need to do.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
If you're in a relationship where you guys are friends, but you're deciding like, hey, you know what? We're going to break up. We're splitting our ways. We're going separate ways. But we still respect each other. We still like each other. go onto a reality show and then pretend that you're not about to break up.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
Pretend you guys are gonna get engaged and then give the world the most dramatic, insane storyline, even though you guys were already planning on breaking up. It's like, hey, just might as well.
Smosh Mouth
#83 - Don't Say The Secret Word...
This actually feels like a perfect rom-com premise where two people are going to break up. And then they end up. And then they find out that they actually love each other at the end and then they get married.
Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
I Do NOT Feel Safe | Reading Reddit Stories
Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today we have some real scary stories. They're not true crime, but they are really scary, so viewer discretion is advised. None of these get to extreme levels, but there is some disturbing things in here, so just be warned. But I'm joined with two people who do like true crime and scary things, Amanda and Angela.
Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
I Do NOT Feel Safe | Reading Reddit Stories
Immediately, I could tell they had been drinking from the way they spoke and smelled and asked them to hand over any alcohol they had. One of the boys, call him Stuart, started protesting. He said the following, and I'm 100% sure this is what he actually said. Come on, miss, don't pretend you won't open that bottle of Bailey's when you get home. Feet up in your dressing gown watching the new TV.
Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
I Do NOT Feel Safe | Reading Reddit Stories
Give us a break. Now, as soon as he said this, I felt my heart drop into my stomach and got cold all over. I had just bought a bottle of Bailey's Irish cream for myself the weekend before the dance. I am in the habit on nights where I don't have much marking slash planning and want to treat myself of having a bath and watching a movie slash series in my dressing gown.
Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
I Do NOT Feel Safe | Reading Reddit Stories
And my husband bought a new television over Christmas. I asked him how he knew those things and he feigned ignorance basically saying it was a lucky guess. I was so shaken that I left them and a short while later they both left. But that night, I could barely sleep, and my paranoia kept growing. I simply cannot believe that he could have guessed all three of those things.
Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
I Do NOT Feel Safe | Reading Reddit Stories
One, maybe, but no way all three. My husband is away for work currently. I phoned and told him about it, and he basically downplayed my concerns, saying I probably mentioned those things to my class at various points, and the student has just remembered it. But I would never mention those things. I just wouldn't, and I'm sure I haven't. I've become more skittish at home when I hear noises.
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I only live in a small house, but when I arrive home from buying groceries I check every single room and cupboard before I lock the doors. I've also arranged to have the locks changed. When cars stop outside the house I turn all the lights off and peek at them through the blinds. I'm having trouble sleeping.
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In class, this student is quiet and the same as ever, not completing homework assignments, distracted in class. My husband is growing increasingly exasperated and worried for my mental health than the possibility this student could somehow know details of my personal life.
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I mentioned it to my supervisor as well, and she also basically reasoned that I had either misheard what he said, it was a coincidence, or a combination of the two. What's the play here? I'm seriously freaked out and don't know how to even begin putting this to rest.
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I mean, I think regardless, something inappropriate happened here, right? Yeah. Like, you know that he knew information he shouldn't. Yeah. So either someone she trusts somehow was telling this information, that's like the best case scenario. Worst is... Worst is like he was... Stalking. Stalking her or spying on her in some way. I... I mean, I don't know. But that's a terrifying thing to say.
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Terrifying that he goes back to acting normal afterwards. Just like, ugh.
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Yeah. I think the best thing, I mean, it's, like, what do you do in these types of situations? But the best thing is to, like, believe them and you can try to, if you want to try to downplay or offer up, possibilities as a means of making them feel calm. But your action plan should be about worst case scenario. It's like, okay, well, in case, if he did, let's set up a camera.
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Let's figure out, should you go stay somewhere else? If you're feeling this way,
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It's not just, well, whatever. You're by yourself. Who cares? I don't believe you. It's like, no, I believe that this is weird. Okay, there's other possibilities that could be at play. Yes. But let's take the action plan of worst case scenario.
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Yeah, because now she's just alone. It's like, what if she's right? You know, it's like, if someone's like, hey, I think I'm being followed. It's like, okay, maybe the signs don't show to that. But it's like, but let's take the steps together. If that's the case.
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I can understand liking true crime if it's been solved and you get to watch how it gets solved and you're like, yes.
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But he said three very specific things, you know, Bailey's and a new TV. He said a new TV? He said a new TV, and she had just had a new TV.
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What are we debating? And a new TV. I believe her. And a nice gown. I believe what he said. He knows this information. So it's like, I mean, all signs point to the most horrifying possibility. Creepy. Comments, my thing is, why would he say new TV?
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I could believe it if he said drinking some wine, watching TV in your dressing gown, but being extremely specific about your drink of choice and new TV is a little scary. Wine is the trope slash TV is what you would think people do slash dressing gown is cozy. but those extra added details make it not a coincidence. OP says, exactly, exactly.
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You like mystery. You like solving a mystery. I understand that aspect.
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If it was just, you're going to have some Baileys or even you'll have some Baileys in front of your TV, like, okay, but those comments plus the new TV? Someone else said, is it possible that you or your husband were observed buying the new TV and the Baileys? The student's parents could have seen either purchase and said, oh, OP just got a new LG 65-inch.
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I agree, you should do a sweep for cameras or ask a techish friend for help, but that would necessitate figuring out how all the cameras got there, which opens up a larger conspiracy.
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OP responded, because this was another thought that I kind of had was I'm like, what if he's not physically there spying on her, but what if there's like, what if he put cameras somewhere? Because OP responded to that comment saying, how can I do a sweep for cameras? I genuinely want to know. Someone said, open your Bluetooth and see if there are any weird devices.
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Obviously, if you live in an apartment building, this probably won't work because you'll pick up your neighbor's stuff. They sell devices that look for hidden cameras, but I think it's just something that emits a beam of light that would bounce off a camera lens. I've never seen one that seems worth buying. Otherwise, I don't have any suggestions.
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Opie responded, there are some devices I don't recognize. In the morning, it's late here. I'll go ask my neighbors to try and rule some out. Thank you.
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Yeah, I mean, that would be my first.
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I mean, these aren't great predictions. Like, I don't love this, but when would he have had the opportunity? I don't know. Okay, let's get into this update. I wasn't expecting this post to receive so much attention. I'm really grateful to so many people who have validated my concerns and helped me develop a plan of action.
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I got home a little while ago and I'm going out shortly with a friend to try to rule out Bluetooth and Wi-Fi devices with my neighbors. After that, the two of us will try and conduct a meticulous search of the house for any concealed devices using the lights out phone camera trick some people recommended and some other tips I found online.
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Just to clarify a few points that I've seen raised a few times. Dressing gown is a really common term here in England for what Americans might call a robe. It's absolutely common parlance. Here, most people I know would associate a robe with something a wizard might wear. In terms
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In terms of it being a lucky guess, if he had just said relax with a glass of wine, I might have assumed so, but the dressing gown comment plus the Bailey's comment when I had just bought a bottle and the explicit mention of a new television, which I am 100% certain I did not misinterpret, these things make it so much harder to write off as a coincidence.
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As far as social media goes, I have Instagram which is set to private under my maiden name and my profile picture is not of me. I am not in the habit of connecting with former students. I only have three who have all gone on to study English at university and have used me as references. I also have a Snapchat which I use only with my husband and very close friends.
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I have posted nothing about my new television and I also don't think I've mentioned this to colleagues, let alone to students. Certainly I said nothing about the Baileys I just bought. Okay, so that wasn't really any new information. Okay, here's where I'm at.
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Here's where I'm at. That's it? No.
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There's another update. Update number two. But before we get into it, where my head is going is not necessarily, I'm not sitting here going, oh, she's wrong. No, for sure. I'm like, something bad is happening here. I don't trust her husband. I don't like that he's playing this off. And it has me worried what he could potentially be in this. I might be so off, right?
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It's definitely captivating. I like horror movies.
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I just, I don't know. That's just where my head goes, but that's also me thinking like, I'm like, someone said this to your wife and you weren't immediately like, what the fuck? Right? Like, that's where I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah. I just, but I also know like, with a movie or a TV show, that would be where this would go. It's like, oh, actually your husband was doing some weird stuff.
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I'm hoping I'm wrong. I don't know what I'm hoping for here. Update number two. I wasn't going to post an update here, but the number of worried people who have reached out to me made me reconsider. Thank you. After a thorough search of my house, I found two devices. They seem to be camera devices. I don't know if audio is included.
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One of them was in the smoke detector in my bedroom, while the other was concealed in the wall of my living room. Looking at an old picture of my bedroom, it looks like the smoke detector itself has changed very slightly. I think that the new one is a device in itself, which the culprit somehow switched with the old one without us noticing. The matter has now been referred to the police.
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So these are some scary stories. These are, according to Reddit, these are real. These are not fiction. There's a lot of fictional subreddits, but these aren't from them.
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If it wasn't for so many of you taking me seriously and giving me practical advice, I wouldn't have had the courage to check, especially given my husband downplaying the concerns. He has been very apologetic and is coming back from his work trip early, but I've asked to spend some time apart and will be staying with my parents for a while. No!
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Thank you again to everyone for affirming me and making me feel sane.
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We're in this. This story was posted like a year ago. So we found it a year after.
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Yeah, she doesn't feel safe with him. I mean, she's saying he's being apologetic. She does say there's a paper trail. So my understanding is that whoever did this will be found out. I mean...
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Your little blankie. Tuck your pancakes over your little face. Oh, my God.
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Actually, the story was pretty recent. It was from January, so it's only a couple months ago. This year? Yeah. So we don't know, and I'm assuming, you know, if there's a legal case, they're not gonna be posting anything about it, because.
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All right, this next story comes from Best of Redditor Updates.
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OP writes, everything in my house is turning green, including the ham and the eggs.
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This is what your TV sees when you're watching a true crime documentary? Stop talking, just salt it. Go to that. Okay, so this came from the subreddit of Cleaning Tips, which we've never done a story from Cleaning Tips before.
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Yeah. All right. Oh, my God. it turned green.
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Okay. Are we ready for some scary stories?
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This is so funny. We have a picture of OP's cats. And I gotta be honest, am I...
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Here we go. This first one comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for being angry that my roommate was sleeping under my bed for months without telling me?
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Okay. Okay, so we've got a little bit of green all over the place.
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You know, sometimes things get a little green. Okay, so there's green all over the place. And, you know, sometimes there's green all over the world. And people just, like, they deal with green. Sometimes things are green. Oh, God. Some comments, I've seen stories about industrial materials like copper from roofing materials turning cats green.
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Are your cats indoor cats or do they have access to industrial or cleaning materials that might be stored in your garage, closet, or laundry room? Someone else said long shot but maybe check under your bed if you have box springs or under any furniture. Sometimes the material used under furniture will degrade and break up over time and dye things.
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I had it happen with a chair once and it took me a while to figure out that's where the color was coming from. Someone else said, or maybe you bought some new jeans from Old Navy. LOL, they stain everything.
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OP said, haha, me and my husband are not jeans wearers.
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You could have said my husband and I don't wear jeans.
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What do we think the green is? I didn't know about the copper. At first I was like, oh, is OP having some sort of neurological thing going on where everything's looking green to them? But the way that the staining is happening, where it's like splotches of green, has me not thinking that's the case. And we have a photo of the cat.
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It's a leprechaun. Update, it was a leprechaun.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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That's where we're starting. Just so you know.
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I, a 24-year-old man, have lived with my roommate Carl, a 24-year-old man, for two years. A few months into rooming with him, he told me he was pansexual. I said, okay, cool. I'm not interested in that personal information, nor am I judgmental. I said, all right.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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A few times over the last year, he has asked me if I had ever considered experimenting with other men. I said no. Also, I said I didn't feel comfortable with him asking me such a personal question. It's not like we are close friends. We are only roommates by happenstance, basically. Anyway, every time I said this, he basically said, we'll see. I was like, what?
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Anyways, last night, I had a horrifying experience. I heard a noise under my bed. It was movement. At first I thought I was imagining things, but then I heard it again. I thought, oh God, is it a mouse or a rat or some shit? My God, this was like 3 a.m. So I got out of bed and looked under with my phone flashlight. Now this here was the most startling moment of my life.
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I guess I am lucky because I have never before this moment felt true terror and fear as a physical sensation, but I was completely jolted. There, under my bed, was my roommate staring wide-eyed at me, and he screeched when I looked under the bed.
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I think OP already knows this is bad.
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Like, writing out all that information, you know this is bad.
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You're going to try to find every reason why it's not the worst case scenario in this situation, especially when it's like, but I've known him for 10 years and I have no... indication of this in my experience.
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It's such a, it's so horrible how this does happen a lot and like, a lot of people really hide their true selves from their partner. It's so sad.
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My thread was locked before I was able to respond to any of the comments, but I was able to read them this morning. I got up at 5.30 to go to the gym before work and my husband was still awake playing video games. I presented him with the very good idea someone suggested of sending me an email with the details, but that it wasn't acceptable to shut me out of this situation since it affects me too.
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His response was basically, the paperwork is in my car, go get it if you want to read it.
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I asked him to go get it so we could look at it together and he said, you're going to believe what you want anyways. All of this is unusual for our marriage because I'm a pretty patient person, I think. We went out to the car together and he got in his car, handed me the papers and left. For about two hours, I was panicked because I didn't know where he went.
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If he was okay, if he was thinking of hurting himself, but his mother texted me at nine saying he was over there, asking me what happened, if everything is okay, et cetera. His parents live about 15 minutes away and I guess he told her he's going to be staying there.
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So the paperwork. According to the paperwork, he sent her multiple harassing emails from anonymous email accounts. The emails are printed out and attached. He apparently did this while at work and they have been monitoring his user account for three months.
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The emails aren't sexual or romantic in nature and are all anonymous and about how she sucks at her job, wouldn't be there if she wasn't a woman, how she should quit before she gets fired, and how everyone in the office hates her. He made fake user accounts for his company's product that she works on and submitted bad reviews of her work. He also did this while logged in at work.
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I literally thought I was having a heart attack. I then just started hearing, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. My roommate crawled out from under my bed, crying, apologizing over and over. I was so creeped out and afraid that I ran out of the apartment in my pajamas. There was a Dunkin' Donuts that was open 24-7 a few blocks away.
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He sent an anonymous email to her boss saying that she was sleeping with a senior engineer on another project. He put a gun catalog on the windshield of her car. I don't know what this gesture means, but I obviously understand that it was meant to be threatening. Unfortunately, inside was a subscription card that the company autofilled with his name and address.
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She also says she has been harassed for the same length of time, about three months, on Twitter. He only logged into one Twitter account that harassed her at work, so they can only say one was him. all telling her to quit her job. So I don't know what to do now. This is all terrifying to me and I feel so bad for this woman. I have no idea what this is all about.
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He works with other women engineers and he has worked with male engineers who don't pull their weight and he's never done anything like this. I would have bet a million dollars that he'd never do anything like this. He's at his parents right now and I don't know what my next move here could possibly be. This is so scary and out of left field to me. Dude, did she reject him?
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Like, why is he going so hard? You know, unfortunately, man, some dudes hate women. You're telling me.
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Write it down. I'm saying that he doesn't need a reason. Like, he's just, he might just.
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He might have just came up with a reason why he hates her. And she never did anything wrong to him.
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There was another story that I've read that we haven't read on the show where a woman finds out that her husband has a Reddit account. where he goes and he just hates on women. Like, just finds posts, women posting things, and he just hates on them, hates on their looks, is just disparaging women all over the web, and he logs off and he goes back to just being, but he just, it, it,
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He's scary, and he's also an idiot because inside was a subscription card that the company auto-filled with his name and address. That's what I'm saying. It's like, what a loser. I want to know why. I just want to know why.
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There could be any number of reasons.
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Yeah. You said it. I mean, look. Quote that. I've been on YouTube for 10 years. Like, it's astounding what little a woman has to do to make swaths of men just fucking hate them.
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It's also just real. I mean, we all see it, right? And I mean, everybody, everybody at home watching or listening to this is like, oh yeah, you pull up the internet and you see an example of it every day. And I mean, hate goes around all over the place. I'm not saying that only men are doing this. I'm just saying there are so many men out there who are
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So I just sat there with a decaf and a breakfast sandwich with my heart thundering away. My roommate kept texting me asking to talk. I ignored it. In the texts, he found a way to horrify me even further. He confessed he had been sleeping under my bed a few nights a week for three or four months and that he was doing it to get closer to me and physically saturate each other. The fuck?
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waiting for the excuse, like they have so much pent up hatred for whatever reason that they just, once they find a target and they're like, this is my outlet.
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It makes me think of so many stories when people are just letting their hatred get the better of them. I'm like, Look at all this time you're spending on this. I'm like, bro, get a hobby.
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I guess I'm just like, damn, dude. Dylan, Darren. Fuck. Fuck.
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It reminds me of when I like, I will find an account, like I will see like a hateful comment somewhere on the internet. And I'll go down the rabbit hole of looking at this account. And it's kind of cathartic for me. Because I'm like, okay, who's this person who just left a piece of shit comment somewhere? And I go and I'm like, oh, you just leave hateful comments all day.
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Like you're just going around finding things to hate on. I'm like, damn, damn, man, like... You could live life.
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Played some video games. Anyways, our next story and our final story. This one comes from True Off My Chest. Hairstylist has been taking slash keeping my hair.
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OP writes, I'm weirded out. I'm also going to be vague because obvious reasons. I'm a woman in my 30s and my stylist is in their 40s. I got my hair cut today at a stylist I've been using for about nine months now. I think this is my sixth appointment with them. I usually do a trim or cut slash style. Today I went from long hair, high lower back to an A-line bob.
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Again, since I started seeing this person, I usually get maintenance slash trim. This time was a dramatic length adjustment, so they took a picture of the cut length on the floor to add to their social media, intending to take before slash after pictures. That's all totally fine and normal. They go grab a broom, sweep up the hair, and place the dustpan on the counter for a bit. Again, normal.
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They grab the broom and pan and head to the back of the shop. They're gone for a few minutes, no biggie. Then they go out to smoke. But here's where it gets weird. The bathroom is in the back of the shop. I need to go and step into the back. I don't really notice anything on the way into the bathroom. I go and start to head back out. But I notice my name on a small clear tote on the table.
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It has no lid and it has my hair in it. At first, I didn't really think much of it, but I looked closer and saw it's not just today's discarded hair, but looks like at least a few of my trim sessions mixed with, it looked like potpourri and a little sand or something, and printed pictures of the cut hair with dates.
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The printer is sitting right next to it with today's discarded hair pick in the tray. There didn't seem to be any other containers like this when I looked around. It was fucking weird. So I took a picture on my phone. I honestly didn't know what to think or do and went back out into the salon.
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They came back in and I mentioned that I went to the restroom and they seemed to freak out a little but didn't mention it. I didn't really know what to say so I just let them finish styling my hair, paid and left. As a socially anxious introvert, this was my nightmare. I got home and the more I looked at this picture, the more sick I got.
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I ended up texting them an hour ago, sending the picture and requesting they remove the weird box of my hair and asking for an explanation. I said, hey, so I saw this and didn't know what to make of it. Can you help me understand what this is and why you have it? I'm not comfortable with you having this and request you please discard the contents.
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Also, even though I loved my cut, I believe it's best if I find a different stylist. They haven't responded. Fuck.
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I waited for him to go to work and I ran into the apartment, got my essentials and left. I am currently crashing with a buddy. Our lease is up in one month. My intention is simply to not renew. This dude is blowing up my phone and I am getting texts from other people, some friends of mine and some bozos who are friends with him.
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The ability for her to see that and go and sit back in the salon and get styled after. No.
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Awful bold of the stylist to keep it in the salon. Next to the bathroom. Where I'm like, you're going to get found out.
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Comments. Wow, that sounds strange. I'm curious as well. Good for you for sending the text message. I see your message as mature, fair, and calm. OP says, I appreciate that, but full disclosure, it took me a few hours to get calm enough to send that. I'm totally skeezed out. Someone said, you absolutely handled it better than I would have. I would have taken it and confronted them.
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This really is the beginning of some crazy I survived episode. Thank God you're not going back. Opie said, I honestly have no clue how to respond. The whole situation was so bizarre and I can't imagine what the purpose of this would be. I told my husband about it and he got goosebumps, which was super scary for me and made me feel like I may have underreacted to the issue.
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But I guess I am glad I got out of there without a confrontation because who knows what might have happened if I'd brought it up to them. Someone said, hair in small containers with other items makes me think of spell jars.
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You know, I'm a skeptical person. I don't necessarily believe in magic. But if someone takes my hair and they're like, yeah, I'm going to use this for spells, I'm going to be like, no, you're not. No, you're not.
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Absolutely not. Like, I don't necessarily 100% believe in that, but I don't want to find out. No. You know, I'm not going to find out with my hair.
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It's been about a week, and with the holiday, I've been all over the place, but I ended up going to law enforcement to make a report last Monday. I'll likely end up going back if this person keeps contacting me like they have been. Sunday, the day after I got my haircut, I woke up to a bunch of texts from the stylist.
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He is going around telling people I shamed him and that I am rejecting his apologies. Some people are claiming I am overreacting and invalidating his feelings. Most people agree he was improper but think I should work it out with him and give a second chance because he's sensitive? I feel like I am losing my mind.
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It woke me up because even though I have do not disturb on my phone, I have a setting that overrides that if there are repeated contact attempts over three in case of emergencies. Here's what I got. 3.49 a.m., Eee! 354AM, why did you send the pic? I know what it looks like, it's mine. 4AM, you need to respond to me because I think it's a misunderstanding about what this is.
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It's no big deal and saying you're switching stylists has me triggered. I do good works, you said so.
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Yeah, come on. 4.04 a.m. I also charge a $350 client separation fee. So yeah, you can't just say you're switching stylists without more consequences. What? And I know you said you already tried a few people before me. There aren't many beauty people in the area. 4.11 a.m., asking for an explanation for a stylist having hair in a salon is crazy. Where else would you find hair?
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I didn't do anything wrong, but I will get rid of it if you're gonna cry about it, but only if you say you won't be switching to anyone else for your hair care. You mean a lot as a client and always tip well, and I do good work, so it doesn't make sense.
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Maybe don't threaten someone who does your hair or hurt their feelings by making accusatory statements. I didn't respond to any of those that morning because it was so insane to me. I need to process things fully before I make a decision on how to deal with it, so I just didn't respond. Sunday afternoon, I started getting phone calls. This person called me 14 times that afternoon.
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About every other call, they left a voicemail. Most of the voicemails just said, call me back or text me back, but two of them were unhinged. I'm going to paraphrase, but the gist of the first one was, call me back, I'm getting scared you won't come back to me for your hair for real. I just like how your hair feels, that's why I kept it, call me. It sounded like they were crying.
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The second unhinged message was left late Sunday night at 11.38 p.m. and it said, I got rid of it except for one lock. I found out I like watching your hair burn more than I liked keeping it. I didn't respond to any of those messages, calls, or texts. The whole thing has me freaked out now. I decided by that time I was taking Monday off work to go to the police.
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I am seriously 20% convinced I am experiencing a long lucid dream of some sort and wondering if I'm going to wake up or I am in a coma or something because this shit is so insane to me. Like, not really, but maybe really. I mean, what the fuck?
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Even if they couldn't do anything, I wanted to file a report for the weirdness. I woke up Monday to an email from the stylist with an invoice for $375 for client breach of contract fee.
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As the chargeable line item. The email body was just, for being a bitch. I'm sorry, that's unfortunately hilarious. It was sent from their business email too, so they're really doing everything they can to ruin themselves. Even if I had a contract with them, which I don't, The original amount was for $350. They can't even get their extortion fees right.
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I did email them back stating that we had no contract and to cease all further communication with me from this point forward. I got ready and started heading to the police station around 9.45 a.m. Monday morning. I live in a rural area so there are portions of my drive to and from our main town that don't have cell reception. Potentially. Yeah.
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The officer advised I contact a legal representative in case this person tries to take the bogus invoice to a civil suit court. And they said I'm welcome to change my number, but having the piling evidence if they continue to contact me after I explicitly told them not to in the email would only help me. I reached out to a lawyer Tuesday and left a detailed message regarding the situation.
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They are apparently out of the office until next Wednesday for the holiday, so we'll see if they have any advice. I've since received many texts and calls from the stylists. They sent a happy Thanksgiving text on Thursday morning as well. Regardless.
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Regardless, they are giving me a lot of evidentiary material to work with, but I'm so unsettled. I can't wait to hear from the lawyer this week. I'll leave you with a text from this past week, one I think you'll all enjoy. 5.12 a.m. December 4th, 2024. Don't ever say never. You're never coming back. Don't make me laugh. I don't want your ass back. You can beg me, though. Might help.
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This situation and update may not be as satisfying as many would have hoped, but here it goes. I met with law enforcement again this past Tuesday. My husband and I drove over early that morning because I was also meeting up with the lawyer I'm working with. Aside from the near constant text calls, emails, I wanted to pursue legal action for a specific issue.
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Allegedly, the stylist tried to have my credit card canceled. Apparently they used the last four digits of my card, called the customer service line for the card, and tried to cancel it. I got a call from the fraud department shortly after this person attempted to do this, trying to verify everything to see if I actually wanted to close my account and dissolve my credit card line with them.
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To be clear, the stylist was not successful in their alleged attempt. They couldn't provide the basic information you need for such things like my actual last name. It's unusual and they gave a name that was almost similar. Date of birth, address, et cetera. Apparently they thought they could accomplish this with just my name, phone number, and the last four digits of the card number.
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I didn't cancel the card, but did request a new one for obvious reasons. I had no clue why they would want to cancel my card. To inconvenience me? Yep, that's exactly why, allegedly. When I spoke with the credit card company,
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They agreed to send over the recording of the person that called as well as the phone number the call originated from as long as the request came from law enforcement with a warrant. They gave me a phone number and reference number for the police to reach out to directly. The officer began working on that immediately, so that is in progress. phone company over the weekend.
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I had my phone number transferred to an old phone so I could still receive calls and texts there, but got a new phone number for my actual phone. The old phone and phone number has been turned over to the officer assigned to my case. They did go and speak with this person yesterday. Apparently they are horrified.
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I went to the police and had no idea any of what they'd done could be chargeable offenses. According to the officer, there have been no further communications via text or call since their visit, and I haven't received any other emails. A temporary protection and no contact order has been issued against them until the first court date.
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I have also reached out to the state board of licensing with all this information and my complaints. All I can say is they are investigating. Outside of that information, I'm limited to any other information I can share since a legal process against this person has officially begun. We're just waiting to see how this all plays out now. It's been a long few weeks. I'm hoping for the best here.
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I'm already so relieved to no longer be getting calls, texts, or emails constantly.
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We're not going to figure out what she was really doing with... I mean, people said spell jars. Kind of doesn't matter. It's so invasive and weird and everything she's done afterwards.
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If you're texting someone... four or five messages in a row without a response. What's going on?
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But I'm saying, like, if you're in a fight, like, if you're set, like, and then, like, time goes by, and then you send more, and then time goes by, and you send more.
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Oh, God. What does that, what? I don't know. I don't even think I fully understand what it means and I don't want to know.
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But if she had a reason, she would have given that reason.
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Yeah, that's when you know this person is... A non-exclusivity agreement with your stylist. I will say sending an invoice to someone and the body of it reading for being a bitch... It's almost legend material. This person is not a legend. But that sending an invoice that says for being a bitch is really funny.
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That's a really funny thing that people could do in other circumstances, and I would think is a legendary status. Not in this situation.
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These were intense. These were a lot.
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They're scary, yeah. These are scary.
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Yeah. They're creepy. These are all like people doing like unexplainable behaviors.
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I Do NOT Feel Safe | Reading Reddit Stories
Um, so these are real scary stories, but you, what do you like about true crime or just watching? Cause I, I have a hard time with it. I like horror movies, but I like supernatural stuff.
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Yeah, you're either crying or throwing up here at Reddit Stories.
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Well, thank you both for joining me on this horrifying expedition.
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Oh my God. I am very curious how anyone is trying to defend this and what they were told. Because it's like, there is no version of, yeah, so they were sleeping under my bed for a couple months without me knowing, where I'm like, Oh, well, you know, they're sensitive.
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Like a demon. Thank you for watching. Let us know what other themes and subreddits you'd like us to cover on this show. And we'll see you next Saturday.
Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
I Do NOT Feel Safe | Reading Reddit Stories
If I woke up in the middle of the night and Courtney was under the bed, I'd be like... I don't know about this.
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Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my cat is under the bed and I'm like, you're freaking me out. You're freaking me out. You can't do this.
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Just simply him going into his room uninvited, that alone, under any circumstances, is enough to be fully kicking that person out, not trusting that person. But this? I mean, this is so horrifying that I want to not believe that this story is real. But I also know that roommates out there do some weird stuff.
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Don't. Roommates can be horrible. It's really hard to watch. The verdict was not the asshole. No, definitely not.
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They were just physically saturating. Comments, dude is not mentally stable and you need to get out of there. Sounds like he'd end up wearing your skin or some shit to physically saturate with you. Someone said, yes, you did shame him. Yes, you rejected his apologies. Why? Because he crossed so many boundaries of common decency, privacy, and basic human respect. This is the behavior of a predator.
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A stalker would do. Whatever trust you had with Carl has been broken, shattered into a thousand pieces. Not the asshole. Lastly, someone said, why would anyone say you should work it out with someone who is hiding under your bed every night? Yeah, I don't know what these people are hearing because there is no world where I'd defend that.
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Are you talking about from ghosts or people?
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I Do NOT Feel Safe | Reading Reddit Stories
I will say, though, having cats makes me not as scared of that stuff, because my cats are under the bed, so they're making sure there's no ghosts under there. And also, the nice thing about having pets, cats especially, is if they're freaking out, then I'm freaking out. Because they're so sensitive.
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I mean, my cat's right there.
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My cat will eat any ghost that's out there.
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I think having a cat has made, I used to be, when I lived alone without pets, I would be scared at night sometimes because you hear a noise and you're like, what is that? Whereas luckily cats, they do this thing where at 3 a.m. they decide, hey, I'm gonna fuck everything up.
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And so anytime you wake up in the middle of the night and you hear a noise, you're just like, yeah, that's Bones being a fucking weirdo somewhere. Like he found a bottle cap and he's throwing it around the room. It's like, okay.
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Truly, like, a ghost could be around. I'm like, I don't care about you right now. Sorry. My cat's being weird. This was awful.
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There's no update. That's where that ends.
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You know, it sucks that the texts, everything before and after that this guy said made it all horrible, right? Because he did also say the things of like, are you open to experimenting? He's like, no. And he's like, we'll see. We'll see. I'd be like, what? Excuse you? You need to continue. What do you mean by that? We'll see. But the...
Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
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Because otherwise, I'd be like, what if this is like a Larry David situation? Where like, he, something happened.
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Like, he dropped his glasses. Like, he's like, oh no, I left my glasses underneath my, they fell underneath my roommate's bed. I need to go get them. So he's underneath the bed late at night. And as he's crawling out saying, sorry, sorry, sorry, you hear, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
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Not with that jacket. A couple lives ago, you were a lawyer in the 90s.
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No, that's what I mean. Everything he said. Why did he give up that information?
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No, it's awful in every sort of way.
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You know the boogeyman is underneath that bed and he's like, I'm not even the problem here.
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Boogeyman's like, you are messed up, dude. This episode of Red Stories is brought to you by ZocDoc. When it comes to booking doctor's appointments, we've all made excuses. I'm too busy. It's too complicated. I don't know which doctor to go see. We've made them all. I know I'm guilty of that. But with ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay.
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They make booking an appointment with a doctor who's just right for you simple and easy. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.
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We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. Plus, appointments made through ZocDoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same-day appointments.
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I had delayed doctor's appointments for a long time because I thought finding a doctor in my network would be just too complicated to handle in the span of like less than an hour. But with ZocDoc, they made it so simple to find an in-network doctor that was nearby and that I could see pretty soon.
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So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash pitreddit. ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit. Back to the show. All right, moving on to our next story. Let's see if that's the creepiest one of the bunch. Our next story comes from Relationship Advice. It's a 30-year-old woman.
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My student, who's 18, 18-year-old boy, made a super creepy comment. My husband, a 35-year-old man, thinks I'm being paranoid. I'm a high school English teacher and have been for a few years. In that time, as a woman, I've been used to teenage boys behaving awkwardly around me sometimes, and pheromones are part of the deal.
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There have been occasional comments, but generally in the vein of, miss, so-and-so has a crush on you, or miss, would you be so-and-so's valentine, it's all in good humor in front of the whole class or a large group and is well-meaning. My school throws a January ball for seniors, or 16 to 18, which is basically an opportunity to celebrate the start of another calendar year.
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As it's after hours, not every teacher has to attend, and this year I was asked to chaperone. There is no alcohol permitted, but obviously some of them sneak in hip flasks and so on. During this month's ball, two students were huddled at a table in the corner of the hall, not dancing, just keeping to themselves.
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And you're saying that lawyer died, you had a couple other lives in the 90s, they died, and then you were born.
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I know them well as problematic students who have difficulties socially, but also perform poorly academically, so they don't fit in with the popular crowd or the nerdy crowd. We have some of these every year. Poor hygiene, greasy hair, long fingernails, that sort of thing.
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Hello, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today we've got some classic Am I the Asshole stories. A lot of bullies this episode, so prepare yourselves. I'm joined by two people who are not bullies. You don't know that. I'm joined by one bully.
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Very similar. There's just no narrative. Okay. So I listen to audiobooks, not erotic ones, though I do partake in audio-only porn sometimes because, as becomes important later, I have a thing for nice voices. But somehow, someone just reading smut off a page feels weird for me to listen to. No judgment to anyone else, of course, just not my thing.
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My boyfriend has recently gotten a bug up his ass about me listening to them, especially when he's home, even though I always use headphones and do my best not to disturb him. Also before anyone says it, my Audible account comes directly out of my own bank account. He has no reason to think it will affect his finances.
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Remember, Sticks And Stones... | Reading Reddit Stories
Anyway, he only ever gave little snide remarks until the latest time, so I let it go. Most recently, I had been making us dinner and cleaning up behind myself as I did it. And because he was playing video games and I get bored doing those kinds of things without something else to think about, I turned on my favorite audio book and picked up where I had been listening the week before.
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I didn't realize he was in the kitchen until he jerked the cord on my headphones and asked if I was doing it again. I asked what he was talking about and he just sighed and said that he needed to talk to me. We sat down and I'll admit I was pretty pissed he had jerked on my headphones and not super willing to listen to anything right then, another reason I might be an asshole.
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He said that it really bothered him when I listened to audiobooks from a man's perspective because he knows about my voice thing and that it makes him uncomfortable.
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Remember, Sticks And Stones... | Reading Reddit Stories
I asked why and he said that he couldn't get it out of his head that I was thinking sexual things about the characters and that, along with the romantic elements, made him really upset and felt almost like I wasn't fully committed to him. I asked if he realized I was listening to a book for teens written by a literal Mormon and that none of the books I listened to have smut.
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He said that it didn't matter and started getting angry again, which just made me angrier. He dropped the ultimatum that he wanted me to stop or else we would need to break up.
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I was so pissed at this point that I just shrugged and said, gladly, the minute you stop watching porn, I'll never touch any of it again, which had him pissed because he claimed he never said anything about porn, only the romantic and sexual parts of the books I listened to. I said that if he was allowed to make ultimatums of favorite pastimes, why can't I?
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It's just the perfect size, keeps my food cold, and honestly, I think it's kind of fun. Recently, a new coworker, Matt, who's 35, started making comments about it. At first, it was just joking around. Stuff like, nice lunchbox, dude, my kid has the same one. Whatever, I laughed it off. But then he kept bringing it up, saying it was unprofessional, and that I should grow up and get a real lunch bag.
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Then I asked if he would rather give up video games since that's closer to what audio books mean to me. He ended up just saying to fucking forget about it and went to bed, but has been pissed at me since. I talked to my friends about the situation and got mixed answers, so I wanted to try with strangers as well. What? Okay. Wow. What a hill to die on. Yeah, truly. I just think...
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Remember, Sticks And Stones... | Reading Reddit Stories
I don't know what you do about that type of insecurity.
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I mean, they're audio books. He's like, what?
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And to just try to put that type of control on someone. It's like, what do you think's gonna happen?
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Yeah, yeah, I agree. I agree. Unless they want it. Unless it's a consensual thing. We got new merch. We got new merch. Here we go. A shirt that says consensual yanking. Yanking. The Yankees have new merch ideas. The Yankee and the Yankeed. Yeah, the headphone polling is absolutely a red flag. Comments, or sorry, verdict is not the asshole, which I agree with. Comments, not the asshole.
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You should reevaluate your relationship with him. He is acting insecure, jealous, and controlling. Don't stop doing what you are doing. Someone else said, he is completely out of line. Being jealous of audiobooks is next level insecurity. Not the asshole.
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God, we're back in 2007. This guy. Hey. Someone said, this is a big red flag to me. Is he so insecure that he can't stand the idea of you listening to, gasp, another man? You weren't even listening to anything provocative when he did this, and he had that kind of reaction. Where is all his anger coming from?
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The fact that he dropped an ultimatum, books for fuck's sake, or breaking up is insane to me. This seems like such an odd thing for him to want to have control over. You are wearing headphones, not listening to it on speakerphone, and you're minding your own business, and he has the audacity to be upset you're doing that. Personally, I would cut ties.
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I told him I didn't see the issue and that it's literally just a lunchbox. But last week, he took it further, telling me in front of our coworkers that it was weird for a grown man to be carrying around kid stuff. I told him he should worry less about my lunchbox and more about his own life.
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But if you feel like he's a good partner to you in other aspects and he isn't controlling about other things you do, what you wear, who you hang out with, then maybe try talking it out when he's calm. I just always have a hard time believing that this isn't reflected in other things.
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OP said, he did try to explain that he felt as if I was reacting to the romantic parts in ways I don't react to him, which almost made sense, but then all I can think is, yeah, of course I do. This kind of romantic thing doesn't exist in real life, and I don't expect it to, but to hear about it is enough to make me blush or laugh because it's cute.
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I've never expected him to be an over-the-top romantic. I don't think I would enjoy it in real life. It would more than likely overwhelm me, but I do like to hear about it, I guess. This part does make me feel a little bad because at the time I was so angry about the headphone pulling. I don't know why it set me off so bad.
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No one has ever done it to me before, but for some reason it had me pissed. I couldn't even react to it like I should have. I honestly maybe should have asked to wait the more I think about it. Well, you're upset because it's fucking insane.
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Just point is, talk. Talk. I think also this goes into the realm of, I think a lot of people don't really understand fantasy, fantasizing, right? Because the way it works is that your brain, when you're reading a book, you can go to much wilder places because your brain knows you're safe. Narnia. Right. Oh, thank you.
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Your brain knows, I'm sitting here reading a book, so wilder things can be exciting that in real life would never be exciting. Absolutely. I think we seem to understand this with other genres, right? Like, I enjoy watching Fast and the Furious. That doesn't mean I wanna drive a car at 200 miles per hour. Like, I would hate that in real life.
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Now he's been acting cold toward me, and a couple of coworkers said I was being too harsh, that he was just messing around. But I don't see why I should change something harmless just because one guy thinks it's weird. Am I the asshole?
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And watching it and thinking about it is different, because it's just thinking about it. And I think people get really uncomfortable when it has to do anything with romance or sexuality, but I mean, I see so much of it on book talk discourse of like, romanticy, like all these wild things and boyfriends being uncomfortable with it, but it's like, they don't actually want that in real life.
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This is a fantasy to be read safely in your home, not lived out.
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He could be reacting with curiosity. Yeah. But he's reacting with pushing it away and everything.
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It's an opportunity to learn more about what excites her. Right. But he's completely. Yanked. Yanked.
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Update. I forgot about that. This update came two months later. Do we have any predictions? They broke up. He's an author. You think they broke up? He's an author. He's insecure because he's like, it's not as good as my book.
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Uh-huh, very reasonable. All right, those are good odds. Yeah. Here we go. So it's been a while. I didn't think I would update because the original update would have been mostly us talking and working things out, agreeing that whenever he felt insecure, he could tell me and I could focus my attention on him for a while. It worked really great.
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Well, until I found out he had been fucking his coworker, that is.
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Every time. It's a very common trait. I don't have the details. I don't want the details, but he admitted to it in the end, so he did it. That's enough. He wanted to work it out and apologize, begged for a second chance, but honestly, the idea that he said a word to me about an audiobook about Edward frickin' Cullen while he was getting strange on the side...
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It killed any opportunity for forgiveness I had inside of me. It was so ridiculous. I laugh thinking about it now, and it's been a month since we broke up. Like, it makes me feel insane. It is so funny. He was yelling at me for listening to a book about Mormon vampires while he was cheating on me. I cannot make this shit up. 100 points to whoever said projection the first time I posted.
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I can't remember if it was a comment or a message, but you were right. I wish I had a cookie. Cookie!
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Thanks for the help anyway. Even if the relationship is a bust now, I really do appreciate you all. Oh, man.
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It is funny. Unfortunately, it's hilarious.
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Oh, Powerline, yeah. Damn.
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There you go. Wow. So good. Had six hours of sleep. The Reddit stories chapters on this video is gonna show like these stories and then like goofy movie. Goofy movie.
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They're being millennials right now. Give them a break. Like most replayed. People love this. Okay, I can't be too shocked.
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Can't be too shocked.
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Something was up either way. Either way he had work to do. That level of suspicion coming out of nowhere. It's unfounded. And it's crazy how common it is that when people are unfaithful that this suspicion for their partner arises. But it's kind of what you said, it's like I'm capable of it so my partner's capable of it too.
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It's so funny to hear about different types of workplaces, because we work here, right? Which is just such a different environment from any job.
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And it's tough when, because this is what people do, they keep you on the ropes. So when you're on the ropes, you can't be suspicious or clock back or whatever, because you're defending yourself so much.
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She's defending reading Twilight over here. I mean, God, you know.
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I tried to read Twilight back before it like blew up. You're that cool? I'm a hipster for Twilight. I tried to read it, and I just couldn't get into it. But I have no problem with it. But look, I'll read anything. I mean, I've said on Smosh Mouth, I read Morning Glory Milking Farm. You did read it? I read it. Wait, you actually did? I read it. And it's wild, man. That's crazy.
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And there's a bunch more in the series, and I gotta know what happens. There's other monsters. How much more milk is there? Well, no, it goes to other monsters. There's a mothman, there's a mermaid, there's a ghost. I'm like, how does that work? None of those are mammals, so there's no milk. That's crazy. Well, is it more moth or is it more man?
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I talk about eating ghosts all the time. I don't think milk is involved in some of the other ones, I think.
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They move past that.
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I'm pretty sure people probably do have those types of lunchboxes here.
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All right. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for expecting my brother to turn down a job offer from a place I was rejected from? Probably.
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So I, a 20-year-old woman, have done a bit of modeling. Nothing major, just product modeling for smaller clothing brands. Yesterday, I had an audition for a gig, and my brother, who's 19, came with me because he knows I get nervous before auditions. This particular clothing brand is pretty niche, and honestly, the style is much more in line with what my brother wears.
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Lots of pinks, pastels, lace, and frills. I dress normally and went into my audition, but unfortunately, I didn't get it. When I came out, I saw my brother talking to one of the employees, and to my surprise, the guy asked if my brother was auditioning. My brother said no and the guy encouraged him to try out because he thought he'd be a good fit.
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I was caught off guard but played along because the worker was still there. After the guy left, I told my brother I didn't get the gig and he seemed sad for me and tried to console me. I figured that was the end of it. But as I was about to leave, he asked where I was going. I told him I was heading home and then he asked, what about my audition? I was completely shocked.
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I didn't expect him to want to audition after I was just rejected. I asked if he was seriously doing this to me, and he just shrugged and said he didn't see why he shouldn't try. I called him selfish and left. A few hours later, my brother came home and announced that he had been offered one of the modeling spots.
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I had already told our parents that I got rejected and what my brother did, and my mom was on my side, asking him how he could do that to me. But my dad immediately took his side, saying that me and my mom were being unreasonable. He also scolded me for leaving without my brother, since I was his ride, and even insinuated that I was just jealous. I'm not jealous.
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I just think it's incredibly rude and selfish to go after something your sibling wanted but couldn't have. He knew I wanted it, and instead of supporting me, he took the opportunity for himself. My brother thinks I'm an ass, but I really don't see how I'm the bad guy here. Am I the asshole? You suck. You don't suck. You suck a lot. You did abandon him. He didn't have a ride. Exactly.
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It actually hurts. I just can't imagine being bothered by this.
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Yeah. I mean, this is... This is a realm that we understand well, right? Like, so many jobs we read about, it's like, oh, well, we're in kooky entertainment town. But auditioning is such a real thing, and it's such a real thing, because I started auditioning when I was like a teenager, right?
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And it's crazy when it's like you and your friends are auditioning, and it's such a thing for us when it's like, you're not booking work, but your friend books something huge, or books something that you auditioned for, too. And it hurts. Of course it hurts. Your self-worth is tied to it. But you have to recognize too that it's like, all right, they're right for it and I'm not.
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And that's, gotta keep moving.
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So, I don't know. She and her brother are not long-term competition. No. Like in this. It's like, why are you... But I also... Here's the thing. What I'm saying, too, is that I understand the feelings. But how she's going about this is... Thank you.
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Yeah, yeah. Verdict, not the asshole. Great. Comments, super weird that he feels the need to control a coworker's lunchbox choices. Sounds like he needs a different hobby, not the asshole. 12,000 upvotes.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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The compliment bully. Yeah. Pretty good. I like how you just wear whatever. Cool slaps, dude.
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That's the way to live. Someone said, I have a sparkly unicorn water bottle. No one steals it. It always finds its way back to me. Matt is trying to put you down and be mean. Ignore him. I think a lot of people nowadays, I think millennials especially are like one of the first generations where we're just like, oh, I don't have to stop.
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doing this, like I don't have to stop being interested in this just because I'm 30. Right.
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do it just becoming one with him, is when someone asks a question like that, just looking them in the face at that dinner table and being like, what an absolutely wild question to ask. I think questions are the best way to tackle these types of people, is when someone asks something so uncomfortable, be like, why are you interested in that? Why are you thinking about that?
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I think that's the better way to handle it. Because if someone's then mad at you for pointing that out, they're absolutely the asshole. Right. But once again, I'm not sitting here going like, how dare you do that? Like, this person started it.
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Same. Yeah. Well, man. Okay. Well, man.
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Okay, our next story. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for unplugging my fiance's phone, fully charged, to use my own charger when my phone was at 4%?
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I hope they keep writing them. I don't want him to stop. We live on a cloud above a mountain and the cord is very long. Look, it's imperative for us that people keep writing in. Oh, it's true, it's true. I, a 28-year-old man, live with my fiance, who's 25, and we recently had a disagreement that I'd like some outside opinions on. We have a USB-C charger that stays in the living room.
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Technically, it's mine, but since we live together, we both use it when needed. A few days ago, her phone was plugged into the charger, but it was already at 100%. Meanwhile, my phone was at 4%, and I urgently needed to send an important email or something similar. I don't remember exactly, but it was something time-sensitive.
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In my rush, I asked her, can I use the charger while already unplugging her phone to connect mine? She immediately said no. This surprised me, as her phone was already fully charged and mine was about to die. I had already plugged in my phone by then, so I said, but your battery is full. She got really upset and we had a brief argument about it.
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We dropped it at the time, but the issue came up again a few days later. She told me that what I did was rude and compared it to her watching TV and me changing the channel without asking. I disagreed because if she were actively watching something, I wouldn't just change the channel. This was different.
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She insisted that it was negotiable etiquette, meaning that it's still rude even if I think it makes sense. According to her, I should have asked. And if she said no, I should have respected that, even though it was my charger and her phone was already at 100%. So am I the asshole for unplugging her fully charged phone to charge mine in an urgent situation? I... I think this is another one.
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We're back here, it's not about the charger. It's another, that subreddit, oh my God, just break up already. Yep. Just like, come on, like what?
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Because you did not want him touching that phone. No, don't look at the phone!
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He gave her everything. 100 for the electricity. We got another cookie on our hands. I mean, it's just like, if your arguments are at this level over this. Over that? What's going on here? Figure it out, baby. You got to take it out of the bread bag and figure it out. Verdict, not the asshole. All right. And we got a logical answer. Talking about in a workplace, setting is a little different.
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Like with someone, like, but a partner. But I still think you throw it out first. Just like, hey, can I plug mine in?
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Yeah, I wouldn't question that.
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Yeah, and it's being brought up a few days later. It's like, whoa. Comments, not the asshole, but does your fiance like to have the last word in anything and everything, no matter what? Are you sure that's something you want to be dealing with for the rest of your life? 1.7 thousand upvotes. Opie said, usually yes. Lately I fear bringing up my complaints because of that.
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Sadly it wasn't like that for years, five years together. And I could count on one hand, but lately has become the rule. Someone said, read what you wrote. I fear bringing my complaints. Why are you marrying someone you are afraid to talk to? I really think Damien, I agree with what you kind of pointed out. This is sounding like cheating behavior. A little down.
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That'd be a whole cookie. Daughter. This just sounds like there's tons of resentment everywhere. Absolutely. So it's like, you gotta ask yourself, is this working? Well. No update? No update. Oh, man.
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So we don't know. We don't know. All right. our final story. Let's go. We have an Am I the Asshole and a Best Redditor updates.
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And I'm excited because this is a Will I Be the Asshole. Oh. So they're asking beforehand and I'm assuming we're gonna get the result.
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Or is it like past perfect tense? Like, will I have been the asshole? Would I be the asshole for telling my son to wear not his favorite jacket anymore because it looks gay? All right. Okay. Probably.
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I'm a single dad to my son, Oliver, who's 10. He's with me most of the time and sees his mom every other weekend. He's an awesome kid, creative, full of energy, and he's got his own sense of style that's pretty unique. He loves bright colors, nail polish, and clothes that some people might think are more girly. If I'm honest, I think Oliver might be gay, and I'm totally cool with that.
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I've always made it clear that whoever he turns out to be, I'll support him 100%. Because of how he dresses and acts, Oliver's had a really tough time with other kids. He got bullied so badly at his old school that I ended up pulling him out and homeschooling him. The school wasn't helpful at all and it was heartbreaking to see him go through that.
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It does. Pokemon rocks. Favorite Pokemon? I know yours. It switches around a lot.
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He struggled to make friends and it kills me to see him feel so alone. Now, he's starting back at school in September and he's really excited about it. But recently, we were at a cousin's birthday party and Oliver wore his favorite jacket, which is a bright pink, a sparkly one that he loves. Some of the other kids started picking on him, saying he looked gay.
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I stepped in, got the kids to apologize, but it ruined the day for Oliver. I'm worried about how things will go when he's back at school. I've been thinking about whether I should talk to Oliver about maybe toning it down a bit, especially when he's around new people. Not because I want him to change who he is, but because I hate seeing him get hurt and feeling like an outcast.
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I don't want him to feel like he has to hide who he is, but I also don't want him to be picked on or excluded because of it. But then I feel like a complete arsehole for even thinking about this. I don't want him to think that I'm ashamed of him or that he has to conform to be accepted. I want him to feel free to be himself, but I'm also scared of him being hurt by others who don't get it.
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So would I be the asshole if I talked to Oliver about maybe being a bit more low key with his style?
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Oof. You know a later one? Because I'm partial to all the original 151. Same. Right? But what is it? Hawlucha? Yeah. The like Luchador bird. The wrestling guy? Yeah. The wrestling bird is just awesome.
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You know, so. Yeah. Yeah. How much, I mean, it's interesting, because by the title we were assuming, I was assuming one thing about this guy. And then you start reading and you see another thing, but it makes me wonder how much of parents' homophobia comes from this place of like, they're scared for their kid, right?
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Because the world sucks, and you're scared about the world, but in the process, if he does that, if he actually goes through with this, Now he's also.
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Like his son also, and my dad also doesn't like it. Right. And so it's like, you kind of actually, is it more important to just be the support for him?
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and there's like, no matter how right it feels in his head, there's sometimes where like, you'll be thinking of a motive or a decision or advice, and then I almost think, I'm like, does this sound like the opposite of like Disney logic in a movie, where it's like, hey, hide who you are. And I'm like, oh wait, that's probably not the right answer then.
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Oh, yeah. It's also tough when it comes to bullying. It's like, you can change the clothes and stuff. Kids are ruthless. People are ruthless, right? And truly, my only hope with this situation is just like, if he is who he is and he's showing off who he is, he will hopefully eventually find others who see who he is and love that. And he'll find his group. That's the hope.
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Comments, don't do it. Kids will still bully him and all he will remember is that you deterred him from expressing himself. Trust me, the same thing occurred in our house. I was trying to keep him from being bullied but my child felt as though I didn't accept him and that he needed to pretend he was something he wasn't. Lots of later life therapy.
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If he's gay, if he's straight, let him be himself and tell him as long as he likes his clothes, that's all that matters. Sincerely, the mom of an amazing queer kid. Someone else said, no one's the asshole. You want to protect your son. You think the best way to do that is through conformity. I don't think you're an asshole, but there may be other ways of handling this.
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And before we move on, a reminder that tomorrow is the last day to buy tickets for our live show. To get the VOD, go to live.smosh.com and you can watch Smosh Reads Reddit Stories Live. It was a great time. What was your favorite part of the show? It's probably that one part when everything and it all happened and it was really good. Oh, it's so good. Yeah, it's definitely happened.
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Teach your son unbridled self-confidence and clever comebacks. Teach him how to stand up to bullies, disarm them and humor them, and reverse heckling. Don't teach him that the key to acceptance is not to be himself. He'll internalize that toxicity into his worldview. Kids are notoriously mean. He'll look to you for validation, and he's better off getting it from you than none at all. Update.
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Hey all, it's been about 26 days since my original post and I thought I'd give an update now that Oliver has had his first week back at school. I can happily say that so far things are going much better than I'd hoped. Over the summer, Oliver and I had a really important heart to heart. I sat him down and told him just how incredibly proud I am of the person he is becoming.
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I do love the aesthetic of Magikarp.
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I made sure he knew that there is absolutely nothing he could ever do that would change the way I see him or make me love him any less. Honestly, it was a bit emotional, and I even got a bit choked up. I told him that if wearing his favorite jacket, the one that's caused some hurt before, made him happy, I'd stand behind him 100%. But I also wanted to make sure he was prepared.
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I explained that while I'll always be there for him, I can't always be around to protect him, and he might have to stand up for himself if kids make fun of him. I made it clear that this doesn't mean he should change anything about who he is, but that he needs to be ready to handle it if anyone says anything cruel.
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There's a cool vibe. I agree with you.
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Oliver understood, and we spent the summer coming up with some playful comebacks together. He really wanted to take the jacket with him to school, so he made it a bit of a project, imagining the kinds of things kids might say and crafting witty replies that he could fire back with. It was actually pretty fun, and I think it helped him feel more confident about it. Now, back to school.
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His new teacher knows all about his past struggles with bullying, and she's been amazing. She's keeping a close eye on things and making sure he feels safe and comfortable. It's made such a difference already and Oliver's first week couldn't have gone better. He's even made a friend, a boy named Sam, and they've really hit it off.
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Yeah, like as a Pokemon, garbage. The no brain. Gyarados was one of my favorites as a kid, though.
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They're planning to meet up tomorrow at the Wacky Warehouse and Oliver can't stop talking about it. It's been a long time since I've seen him this excited about spending time with someone his age. Yay! That makes me so happy. That's awesome. Update number two. I just wanted to hop on and give a small update about Oliver's play date over the weekend.
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Firstly, when Oliver was getting ready, he wanted to wear all his flamboyant clothes. He asked me if I thought it was a good idea. His friend had seen him in his jacket, but he was a little worried how he would react to the full Oliver. I told him to wear whatever he wanted, and if this friend was worth being friends with, they would accept him for exactly how he is. This made Oliver smile.
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He wore his full Oliver outfit, When we were walking in, I could feel Oliver getting a bit nervous. He was bullied so much in his last school for how he was, so I understood why. I held his hand tight and gave it two squeezes. This means I love you, something I learned to teach him from Reddit, actually.
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Absolutely badass.
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The friend's dad was with him and he looked at Oliver and gave a little curious look, but apart from that, it was fine. The boy said he loved Oliver's clothes. They spent about four hours playing and we ended up eating together. On the way home, I told Oliver how proud I am of the little man he is.
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I am so proud of how he is willing to be himself and so brave to continue despite any backlash he gets. I love him so much. This is my final update on this account. I don't know if I'll ever show you these posts, Oliver. Maybe in a few years when you're older so we can, okay, that's. The message? Damn, I wasn't expecting that. Can't hit me with that. I'm already crying, let's just do it.
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All right, we're gonna do this. Okay. I don't know if I'll ever show you these posts, Oliver. Maybe in a few years when you're older so we can laugh at how worried I was about you. Your dad is so proud of you. I think you are the most amazing person in the whole world, even when you drive me absolutely nuts. I am so lucky to get to be your father. I am so lucky you're in my life. I love you.
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Lastly, here's someone said, not the asshole, Matt has a little dick. So this person knows more about him.
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That's awesome. Stuck the landing. Damn. What an ending. Whenever these types of posts, because we've read through so many stories, I'm like, okay, I'm prepared for some information. But then if you get a perception or a perspective shift, that's gonna kill me. I can't deliver a message.
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That's so good. That's also like the quote that gets me, is the like, I'm so proud of you.
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I'll also say, I think we all understand this, you meet people who have an unbridled confidence, and it's like, oh, what's the secret? And they're just like, well, my parents are awesome, and we're all, we're so weird. They have my back, and it's like, man, anything can go in your life. And it's like, but I'm fine, because I've got that. It's such a huge thing.
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The lights come back on, it's like, now I've never been proud of you.
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Oh, man. Okay. Our next story. Am I the asshole for not listening to my wife and eating the wrong cookie?
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Hey, Oliver, good kid. Damn. Well, thank you both for being here. What a journey. We started with a cookie, we ended with tears. How did it end up like this? I was like, the joke is right there. Thank you for watching. And once again, it's your last chance to get tickets to watch the VOD of Smosh Reads Red Stories Live. So get your tickets at live.smosh.com. Check it out. It was a great show.
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I am certain. Especially that one part.
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Yeah. And we'll see you next week for more Reddit stories. See you later. Goodbye. Arrivederci.
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All right. I worked a 10-hour shift yesterday and had little to eat but bubble gum and some cheap hot chocolate. That's not food. That's not food.
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I'm glad we all got there. I ate some bubble gum. Don't worry, I swallowed it.
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I came home to a voice message, whereas my wife had picked up a cookie for me from the local bakery and another specific cookie for our young daughter, which she could have when she came home from school. Overjoyed, partially because I was hungry and partially because my wife and I had been at odds for a bit, and I thought perhaps this was an olive branch of sorts, I looked into the cookie box.
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One of the two cookies inside was definitely the one for my daughter, due to its description, so I ate the other one. It wasn't quite what she had said it would be, but I didn't want to be picky. A few hours later, my wife pours herself a glass of milk after dinner and goes into the cookie box. She mutters something under her breath, pours her milk back into the jug, and flops down on the couch.
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I asked what was the matter, and she informed me that I never listen, and I ate her cookie. I told her that I had only eaten the other cookie in the box that wasn't our daughter's and my wife let me know that my cookie was separate in a bag under the cookie box and that I should have listened better and that she wasn't surprised.
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I asked her what kind of cookie I had eaten and told her I'd go buy her another one. She refused to tell me and merely repeated that I should have known that that wasn't my cookie based on her description. The cookie I ate was white and had some kind of brown icing on it. Apparently she had bought me some sort of toffee chocolate chip cookie.
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Am I the asshole for not paying attention and eating the wrong cookie or is she blowing this out of proportion? Since it's come up a few times, I thought I'd add a bit of information. Yes, I do have a hard time paying attention. I have ADHD and I'm working on it. Yes, not eating all day is my fault. It was two days before payday.
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We had nothing in the house viable for me to take, and I had a dollar worth of change in my cup holder, plus a pack of gum. I did what I could. No, she didn't mention that my cookie was separate. She told me my cookie was in our bread bag, which is a bag where we keep bread and other things we want to keep bugs and mice out of. She described the cookie as a toffee chocolate chip cookie.
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I looked in the bag, found the box from the bakery, and it had two cookies in it. One of them was decorated like the night sky and is what she said she had purchased for our daughter. There was only one other visible cookie. No, I can't prove this unless someone can instruct me on how to download voice messages from Messenger and post them here. I'm in. Okay, the verdict is asshole. Okay.
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And my take is a little bit on I don't care about the context.
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No, the cookie is the final straw here.
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There's another subreddit called, oh my God, just break up already. And it's truly like, what is going on? What are you doing here? No, they have a daughter. I'm not telling them to break up. It's just like, do you care yourself? It's not about the cookie. Like reread your message. You hate your wife. What's going on?
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As of reading this, we've definitely done it. So it was definitely cool.
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But for them, it's like, oh, and this is bad. Yeah. The day is now worse. But I don't love that it was like, oh, we've been at odds, and I was hoping this was an olive branch. It's like, what kind of... Where's your olive branch? What kind of communication are you guys having? You're not two different nations that are going through a negotiation right now. Jesus, just talk.
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Anyways. Tommy, Damien, thank you for being here. Thank you. What? I realize I never said your name, so people listening didn't know who you were. Oh. I feel like they could sense it, though.
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It's also not great that he's like, no, she didn't make it clear, I didn't know, I looked in the cookie jar, but then he does admit that she said that they were in the bag. That's true. So by his own recollection that he's writing, he did seem aware. Yeah. But I think you brought up the question of like, where's your olive branch? Like, what's he doing?
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Um... Comments, you're the asshole, you didn't listen. She did something nice and thoughtful for you and you didn't care enough to actually listen to what she said. You ruined a special thing and took the cookie she was looking forward to eating. Given her reaction, I'm guessing this is not the first time this has come up and listening slash communicating has been an issue previously.
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I know I'm just guessing based on context, but it seems the direction this went. You need to do some self-reflection and determine if this is a pattern of not listening to your wife and ending up with a bad outcome, especially on her end. I hope you actually apologized, it doesn't mention in your post, and told her you were wrong and took responsibility.
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Making the excuse of not eating earlier in the day is just that, an excuse. Your wife wants you to listen to her, not make excuses.
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Someone else said, like, I think that it's super weird to have put his cookie separately in any other context, but it honestly sounds like she put his in a separate bag specifically so he wouldn't eat her or their daughter's cookie and he did it anyway because this seems like a recurring problem where he doesn't listen and ruins other people's day. I have ADHD too, and it's really hard sometimes.
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But it's not her problem he didn't eat all day, and it's not her problem that he didn't listen. Replay the message if you think you missed something, especially after the first bite of an unexpected cookie flavor. Find out what the bakery is and go and get her and your daughter cookies. Buy her more than one, apologize properly, say you'll do better, and then do better.
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It's not hard to pay attention to people you love when you care about what they have to say. You're the asshole. Yeah.
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Yeah. But that just comes down to both of them communicating better still. Right. And I do agree with the comment of like, she did describe the cookie as a toffee chocolate chip cookie and then he ate a cookie that wasn't that and just finished it. Yeah. I'm just like, there's a lot of contradictory stuff going on here. Definitely for me, the asshole verdict on my end is a lot of like inferred.
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I'm like, I'm assuming a lot going on here based on how you wrote this. Yeah. I'm assuming a lot of things.
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I think it's actually so fascinating how these little tiny things, if they are a big problem, it's such a huge sign, right? Because if accidentally eating a cookie isn't a thing you laugh at, then it's like, oh, there's a bunch going on right now that we have to acknowledge. If tiny things are causing huge problems, you've got huge, huge problems everywhere. Making a mountain out of a muffin.
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Yeah. It's a cookie, Damien. It's a cookie.
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All right, our next story. You got that?
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So no one else could bully me. I'll talk about it in therapy. Our first story is an Am I the Asshole? Yes. Am I the asshole for refusing to stop using my embarrassing lunchbox at work? I, a 28-year-old man, bring my lunch to work every day in a bright blue Pokemon lunchbox. I've had it for years, and I don't think much about it.
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We're literally seeing it. But they didn't. No. Okay, our next story comes from Man by the Asshole and best of Redditor updates.
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Am I the asshole for my response to my boyfriend's ultimatum over audiobooks?
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Yeah, nice boyfriend, idiot.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for around three years, and we've had a pretty easygoing relationship, no big fights or anything, until now, which is why I'm questioning myself so much. So I listen to audiobooks, not erotic ones, though I do partake in audio-only porn sometimes, because,
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Why even justify it then?
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Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today we've got a classic Am I the Asshole episode. And I'm joined by two people who are not the asshole.
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Best of Editor Updates.
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Buckle up. Am I the asshole for leaving my Bumble date stranded at a restaurant after she admitted she was going to her guy best friend's place after the date? Okay. A couple months ago, I matched with Anna on Bumble. I thought we vibed really well, she had a really nice and funny demeanor, and we had lots of engaging conversations on FaceTime. We set up our first dinner date last week.
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I proposed a really nice restaurant which was sort of far from where we lived, but I really wanted to treat Anna because I thought she was special. Anna asked if I could pick her up and then after the date, drop her off at her best friend's place. I didn't mind it at all. Anna said she had movie night with her best friend. I picked Anna up and we went to the restaurant.
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The date went better than expected. We vibed really well. Anna also had drinks since I was the designated driver. However, right at the end of the date, Anna asked if I would drop her off at Josh's. I was initially confused and then realized Josh was her guy best friend. Anna instantly realized what she said and it sort of became awkward.
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Anna apologized and I told Anna there was no reason to apologize. I was just curious about who Josh was so I asked Anna and Anna said he was her guy best friend and they occasionally have movie nights. Anna said she wanted to be honest with me because she really liked me and saw a future with me and she admitted they sometimes make out during these movie nights but it doesn't go further than that.
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Mm-hmm. I felt sort of guilty about it later and called my sister to ask her if what I had done was right. My sister said I shouldn't have left Anna stranded at the restaurant, especially after Anna was really sweet and honest with me.
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I told my sister how I could be expected to take Anna for a really fancy dinner and then drop her off at her guy best friend's house where she would then make out with him. I had enough self-respect left not to do that. Was I the asshole?
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So we're not talking about, we are acknowledging most of us, I think all of us here would probably not continue, or I think I wouldn't continue seeing this person because I'd be like, I don't know if I'm comfortable with that.
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I'm honestly beyond sick of Disney, and I never really liked going in the first place. Jess knows this, but she has no concept of travel beyond Disney. We're currently planning a trip for April, and Jess, as usual, said that we can just go to Disney. I explained that it sounds fun, but hey, why don't we go somewhere like Hawaii this time? Jess was confused. She asked why we would go to Hawaii.
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It's the conversation of, okay, he's not interested in seeing her more. That's clear. He did tell her he was gonna drive her home. Should he still drive her home?
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That's kind of the conversation, because she hasn't necessarily been a bad person to him, but she's being honest with him, and he's going, oh, I'm not interested in this relationship.
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Ian and Amanda.
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I think that's what I would probably do in this situation. I fear... as is the case with every Reddit stories, I fear we might have a little bit of an unreliable narrator on this one too.
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Because I'm just like, yeah, how did you react? How did this go down? How did she tell you about this?
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I don't think so either. And it's like, it was his choice because he's like, I want to treat her to this fancy dinner. So he goes there and now he's making her pay for her portion. Yeah. And that's after her being like, hey, I'll be honest with you, this has happened. It has me wondering, I'm very curious about the wording of this because slight wording changes change this entirely.
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If it's like, yeah, in the past we have done this, and he's going, oh, so you do this all the time. And you do this, and you're about to go do this right now.
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Pretty rough. I also am like, if I was her friend, I'd be like, you shouldn't expect to be succeeding in seeing people if you're telling them you're actively kind of seeing someone.
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That's what I'm curious about, too. That's what I'm like, what was her wording?
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I think he probably did. Taken at her word, taken at the word of this story, which I never fully trust a Reddit story, I'm like, okay, if she really did say that, that's wild. That's wild to admit that. That's wild to ask a date to drop you off at the place that you're saying this is happening. Yeah. I don't know what you're expecting to happen.
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My only assumption with this story is I'm like, I think there's little tweaks to this. Yeah.
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Anyways. I don't know. Crazy. So the verdict was not the asshole. The comments, what did Anna think was going to happen? Which I agree as the story as it's written, I feel the same way. Someone else said, why on earth would you go on a date with someone and then ask them to drop you off at your friends with benefits and then expect them to want to continue a relationship with you?
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What planet are you living on? Have my cake and eat it to land? Someone else said, kudos for the maturity on both their parts, but girl, what? Thanks for dinner. It was great. You're great. Now I'm going over for a movie night with a guy I might make out with. Can you drop me off? Huh? I completely agree if that is what she's saying.
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Given his story, sure, I agree, but I don't think that's... I just have a hard... I mean, look, there are people out there that would do that, right? The world's filled with every kind of person that... they exist. I just have a, I'm having a hard time believing it. But update. Hey everyone, just a quick update. I appreciate all the comments and the different opinions on my previous post.
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I responded that we could enjoy the spas and go to the beach. Jess mumbled a half-hearted answer and walked away. A few days later, she approached me saying that she made hotel reservations for Hawaii. Which is? That's right. Oh boy. Frustrated, I told her that I'm honestly tired of Disney and that I just wanna have a different experience this time.
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However, at the end of the day, the reason I posted it was because I felt guilty about what I did and I agreed more with the comments stating what I did was wrong. Also, my sister has never once given me bad advice in life and I think her assessment was right this time too. Since I left Anna at the restaurant last week, she texted me a couple of times but I just ignored those messages.
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I opened the messages a couple hours ago and I was sort of surprised. Instead of lashing out at me, she just apologized again and said she was willing to stop seeing Josh if it meant we could continue our relationship. She said after the dinner, she just took an Uber back home and didn't go to Josh's.
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I texted Anna that there was no reason to apologize and I shouldn't have left her stranded at the restaurant and I should have also paid for her meal, since I was the one who invited her to the expensive restaurant. I asked Anna for her Venmo, but Anna said she didn't care about the money, and asked if we could continue our relationship.
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However, I didn't have the same feelings for Anna anymore, so I texted Anna upfront that I don't think we're compatible, and I don't want to continue this. We chatted a bit more, and Anna was very respectful of my decision, but admitted she was sad. I too admitted it was tough, but it's best for everyone that this doesn't continue further.
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That was the final text, and I definitely think there are valuable lessons learned for this entire thing. Thank you all for your input. That has me now believing that this was all legit.
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Look, because he's given this update going, yeah, I was wrong, I should have done this, whatever. I'm like, oh, she really probably did say that.
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And that is the situation, which is... Wild, but hey.
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I think that's become the common saying. I think that's become the common saying of being like, it's all right. I don't like it.
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I mean, it's a good update in that they both are okay, and they feel good, and it's all all right. I mean, he was saying he just doesn't have feelings for her now, like...
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Yeah, but don't apologize.
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Our next story. I also own you both. Oh, okay.
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Yeah, and that's why I don't need to apologize.
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Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for having second thoughts about marrying my fiance after a drunk comment?
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Real, this is.
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This is a 30 year old woman and she's writing about her 27 year old husband. Not sure why I'm even here. Guess I'm still trying to process what my, 27 year old man, what my fiance drunkenly admitted to me. For context, my fiance, who I'll refer to as Alex, and I have been together for just under two years and got engaged in December.
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Everything has been a blast since the day we met and we keep surprising each other with just how awesome of a couple we can be. Last night, we had a special date night for New Year's planned where we were dressed up like bowlers from the 1970s and bowled our asses off for a few frames until we finally decided on a winner.
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It's pretty funny.
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They go to Disneyland, they go to Disney World all the time. Give me some boring times with the relationship. Totally. During the five games, we ended up drinking two of those beer towers, about seven beers each altogether. He's not a big drinker, so he was a little more than tipsy when we decided to call it a night and head home.
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We live really close by, so we walked to and from the bowling alley since we figured we were going to be drinking. On that 15-minute walk home, he was doing the usual mushy I love you and other cute little things he tells me while giggling. Things took a bit of a turn when he started talking about how much he enjoys our sex. Okay.
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He's always told me that we have amazing sex and that he can't get enough. But in his drunken state, he told me something different. You're the third best that I've ever had.
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She told me that she was compromising with me and that I should be appreciative for the time she spent. I asked her if she was willing to consider anything other than Disney for our trip and she said no. Whoa! At this point, I said that I wasn't going. Now she's furious. She canceled the reservation she made and now she's looking for a friend to go to Disney World with again without me.
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I stopped walking for a second and just stared at him in disbelief. Alex just looks at me, giggles again, and kisses me, thinking he was just saying that on purpose to agitate me a bit like he does, but not really mean it. I laugh it off and we keep walking. Once we get home and sit on our front porch, he brings it back up. I really do mean it though, babe.
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You're amazing, but I've had better before you.
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I was as confused as I was mad, embarrassed and offended all at the same time. I asked him what the hell he was saying to me and if he was being serious. He started crying and told me that he had a one night stand before he met me with some woman that was like a sex goddess. He also mentioned a past fling with a guy when they were both teenagers and experimenting with drugs.
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Both of these confessions took me completely off guard because he never in our time together mentioned anything about being bi-curious or anything like that, let alone promiscuous sex. My commitment to Alex is starting to change now, though, and I haven't been able to look at him all day.
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I'm having second thoughts about following through with a marriage if he'll always think of me as a third place prize. Even if I did think there was something about Alex that wasn't as good as a past relationship, I wouldn't openly tell him that I thought he wasn't as hot, handsome, has a small dick, et cetera. That just seems like kind of mean and feels a little malicious or petty.
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Am I the asshole for reconsidering the engagement?
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It's actually the third smallest dick I've ever seen. At first I'm like, there's no way this guy actually said all this. But then I'm like, you get eight beers deep, the truths are coming out. And he's wanted to say it for a long time. There's nothing that Samuel Adams won't get out of you.
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It's Sam Summer. And there's no secrets at Sam Summer. No. Sam Summer. Okay.
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No, you can't recover from that. You simply cannot.
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Which it's like, how do you move on from that? Because mind you, not only being told third best, she also was like, I had no idea that he was also vicarious. Like that's also a huge bombshell. And it's not that there's a problem with it. It's that it's like, I don't, do I know you?
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Was I the asshole here for not trying to accommodate her request? No.
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I also think he's not, I think this is a very clouded statement because he's referring to one, an experience he had on drugs when he was a teenager. That's absolutely, it's a distant memory. it gets clouded by like, oh, the past, you kind of think of it differently. And it's the same with this one night stand.
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You talk about single instances, and single instances in life can have this different feeling of excitement to it, whereas he's not referring, like, This is a partner he's had for years and that's a very different thing. I just think there's a lot. But it tells me there's a lot going on internally with him.
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And that's why if I was her, I would be reconsidering it because I'd be going, I actually don't think I know you. And I think you're working through a lot. And I don't love that you think of it this way.
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I'd probably be the same way out of just, I would need to know.
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I would need to know, even if I was still certain that I'd be calling it off, I would need to know first.
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I'd want to talk it all out. Verdict was not the asshole. Comments, not the asshole. Saying it once was a slip, twice was deliberate. True. Someone said, not the asshole. There is absolutely zero situation, joking or not, where I would ever say this to my wife, ever. Lastly, someone said, you're not the asshole for having second thoughts.
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What he said was hurtful and unnecessary, even if he was drunk. It's okay to take time to process this and decide if you can move past it together.
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He was in a bowler outfit when he said this.
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Just start with that. Not everybody drinks and not everybody, you know, is into it. But for those who do, I do feel like those nights where you do get drunk with your partner are kind of like a test. Because it's like, all right, we got the truth serum in. Yep. What are we saying to each other? How are we treating each other?
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Nice. And it is kind of a test because once you get past it, it's like, all right, I... Anything we would have aired, we probably would have aired it out.
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Yep. Update. Split. They might split.
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Ooh. All right, update. It's done. This is gonna be done.
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You don't know? You think there's a chance?
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The advice is always to cut it off, but not always the case. I mean, look, Disney World guy, they're going to Disney World.
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I think it's over.
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Okay. So Alex tried to apologize. The morning after we went out, he pretended everything was okay and was as sweet with me as usual. But I was short with him and ignored his texts all day leaving for work. When we both got home in the evening, I still couldn't even look at him. And so he asked me what was wrong and I told him. Apparently, he hardly remembers a thing after we finished bowling.
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He recalls walking home and saying some things he felt embarrassed about and then sitting outside and cuddling with me on the porch. I told him exactly what I remember him saying and he looked mortified.
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He apologized profusely and told me I'm the only person he's slept with and ever cared this much about, but I told him he'd humiliated me and made me feel like I was the problem and needed some time apart, so he volunteered to go stay with his brother to give me some space.
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He's since spent the rest of the evening and today trying to make it right, leaving voicemails and texting that he really didn't mean to hurt me, and that he was drunk and stupid. He kept reiterating that I'm the best thing that's happened to him and the sex he had before was meaningless and that you're my number one as far as anyone I've slept with that matters.
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It's just, it just made me more mad. Like he's now lying to save face and trying to manipulate me into feeling like I'm overreacting after making me feel like a lesser partner in bed.
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I finally told him to stop and told him I didn't believe a word he said anymore and that even if he's being sincere, nothing he says will undo the fact that deep down he'll always think of me as a consolation prize to some sex goddess and his male buddy. I'm honestly also second guessing if he even likes women and am not ready to deal with someone who's questioning their sexuality.
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He started crying again and said he just wanted to open up to me since we've never had the conversation about previous partners, and in his drunk state, he thought we were at that point where we could have honest conversations, but regrets the timing and letting it slip while drunk.
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He said he'd move out and leave me alone, but hopes I won't share what he told me with my family and mutual friends, which I agreed to. I don't feel bad about ending things.
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He clearly didn't think before speaking and now he's just trying to patch it up and minimize it as mistake and attempt at honest conversation when I know he's just trying to lower my self-esteem and make me feel like I need to turn into a sex goddess in bed or be more like a man. I've realized my self-worth and I'm no one's bronze medal.
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I appreciate all the comments and kind words on the last post helping me realize this. Okay. Girl, my God. But I think she's, She's going through a lot as she's writing this post. But I do think she's missing the mark on a lot of it. All of it.
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Let's just, let's just get past that point. I agree with her in the sense of like, that's only going to make you more mad.
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I, I, I, predict that months from now, she'll look at some of those things she's written and been like, okay, that was not true. Like her being like, oh, he wants me to be more like a man. I'm like, okay, slow down. Like stop. Stop.
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I guess the argument is that this is anonymous, but it does run the risk always of people knowing.
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But I also do agree with, you kind of said it earlier, is like this did break them up, which means are they compatible? You know, this did break them up. There are people out there, there's a version of this where this happens and it's like they do talk it out and it makes them stronger because they were compatible. They saw eye to eye on things. Yeah.
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And I also agreed, I think it's important to go back to what you said earlier, is like, people's sexual relationships will change and evolve. It's not like, oh yeah, you're the third best ever. It's like, viewing sex as like, that's you. That's you always, and that's what it is. It's like, no.
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Sex is communication that yes that is something that will change and if you're with the right person that you're compatible with it will Only get better and it's exactly about communication and talking with each other and understanding each other totally He doesn't seem it seems like they both have growing in that realm.
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It's still just like, okay, our vacations are always gonna be Disney themed and he's tired of it and he's telling her, hey, I'm tired of this.
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Yeah and he also frankly does sound like there's a lot that he needs to acknowledge and figure out she the same way and That's kinda why I was not confident this was gonna last. Because I was just like, I don't think they sound compatible. And this just sounds like too big of a thing for them to handle.
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Maybe in a couple years, if they really work on themselves, it's something that they will come back around and be fine with.
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Yeah, she was so hurt.
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Oh, totally. And this is one of those heartbreaking ones that is really devastating and really like, man, I don't know what I would say to either of these people, you know, if I was talking to them.
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I agree, but I also think if in her head she's immediately saying, there's no way I'm ever gonna get over this, I'm also like, all right. That's true. But a marriage is truly being with someone where you're like, I will do everything I can to make this work. Yes. But once you hit that place of I can't make this work, it's dishonest to stay in it. Right. Totally. So it's this tough.
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But she immediately, I mean, if you are calling it quits that fast, you weren't right for each other. Right. Yeah. That's how I view it. Right. At least.
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No. I mean, look, that's a fucking devastating thing to hear.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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The biphobia is real. Totally. For sure. Agreed. That's what I mean, as she's writing this, I can tell, I'm like, tears are streaming as you're typing this. So I'm curious, because this was written very recently, I'm curious if there'll be an update eventually, kind of like a cooled down version of it, but we'll see.
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Yeah, which is still, it's still a little sad to me that in all these years she's never been like, what would you like to do?
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Our next story. Am I the asshole for flirting with 19-year-old girls and defending myself when being called a predator?
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Say how old you are, bro.
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I'm 31. Yep. And recently ended a long-term relationship. I was broken. I recently went to this cool restaurant slash bar downtown with one of my buddies to have a good time. Anyone of any age can come in. While we were there, there was a girl who was celebrating her 19th birthday. They sang happy birthday, and they were allowed an outside cake with 19 on it.
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The birthday girl was pretty, so I wanted to go chat her up. Her friends were super cute, too. My buddy told me to leave them alone and that they looked like babies. He didn't want to go over at first, but since the breakup, every other woman but my ex has been invisible, so he went to wingman with me. We walked over and wished her a happy birthday.
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I thought things were going well and the women were laughing. Then all of a sudden, one of the girls snaps at me to take a fucking hint, R. Kelly." I was taken aback and just said, excuse me? She said to read the room and that they were uncomfortable. Another asked us to go away. I was going to go, but I was really bothered by the R Kelly comment.
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I said it's fucked up to call me a predator when we were all adults here. My buddy wanted to leave, but I stood my ground. The birthday woman said that it didn't matter. It's weird for someone my age to hit on them, especially when they make it obvious that they are uncomfortable. I apologize for making them uncomfortable, but that didn't give them the right to call me a predator.
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One of the women said it was a personal problem. I said that adults are allowed to hit on other adults. It's not a crime. One woman just asked why I was still standing there and yelled at me to go away. I was pissed off, and when I left, their entire table was singing Ignition and laughing their asses off. I was furious and humiliated. When we sat back down I was seething.
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My buddy said that it was my fault for not seeing the signs that they were uncomfortable. To him it was obvious, so he wanted to go. He called me delusional. I pointed out that they were laughing and he said it was just uncomfortable laughter. I told him that I had every right to be mad about being called a predator when they were all 18 to 19. It's a horrible accusation to make.
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My ex was six years older than me. He said that they weren't calling me a predator, just weird for going for teens. He said it was wrong of them to sing after me and that was bullying, but I should have left long before that. I felt like he should have stuck up for me. Was I wrong for sticking up for me or for hitting on them in the first place? I was respectful and not creepy at all too.
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Edit, for the record, I do date women my age and older. This was the first time I approached much younger women.
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It's wild. Even his friend. It's also like they're celebrating a birthday. Even if the cake said 30, I'd be like, oh, well, I'm not going to go up and bother them. They're celebrating a birthday right now. Don't bother them.
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But look, man, he also entered the gladiator arena of people who are gonna make you, like insult you better than anyone. 18 and 19 year olds, devastating. Born and raised on TikTok. They're singing Ignition at you.
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I fucking killed Eric with that one.
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There's no context where I'm gonna willingly talk to teenagers because I'm scared of them. Because they're gonna make fun of me.
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They're gonna make fun of me and it's gonna hurt. It's that John Mulaney joke of there's nobody in the world who can find your weakness like a teenager.
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Yeah, your friend is like, you're delusional.
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He's actually truly being your wingman right now by telling you you're being delusional and being creepy. Exactly. He's being your wingman in that way. Yeah. Sometimes a wingman has to do that.
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Emily makes a great point. He referred to her as the birthday woman in this post, which he definitely, I know for a, you know that he was typing out and he wrote birthday girl. Back, back, back, back, back, back. Birthday woman.
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It's giving Matt Gaetz. Yep. This guy really puts the Reddit in Predator. Oh. Nice.
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That's insane. Yeah, unless it's like, oh, you book the reservations, you pick. It's like, don't just go off and just book it. Like, let's do that together. See, where I thought this story was going was she was going to be like, yeah, let's go to Europe. Let's go to Japan. Let's go to Beijing. And then it's going to be like Disney Tokyo, Disney Paris.
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Edit, okay. Verdict, asshole, not surprising. There's an edit that he wrote. He's like, wait, hold on, hold on. All right, guys, I get it. I let my pride get in the way of things here. Can't fix it. We'll do better next time.
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Let's see what these comments are, because you know it's about to be ripped apart. You're the asshole for being creepy, not taking a hint, and arguing about it to women who asked you to leave. You're upset about being called a predator, but don't seem to care that your inappropriate behavior made a group of women in public feel uncomfortable.
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Someone else said he is extra you're the asshole for standing his ground when they asked him to leave. What did he think would happen? They would admire his persistence and realize they were wrong all along and he was actually a nice guy who they should all sleep with. Someone else said, you're the asshole.
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The fact that both the girls and your friend easily recognized that it was creepy to hit on her should tell you that it wasn't okay. He wrote this all out thinking he was right.
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It's hers. Yes! What? Let's go! What?
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I'm the Lionel Messi of Reddit, basically. I don't know if he does that. I've never watched football. Football. Our football fans watching are pissed off. Or they're like, hey, Ian knows ball. Does Messi do the wings when he scores?
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Update from the 19 year old girl.
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I have never had a Reddit account before, but my journalism TA showed us it, and sometimes I'll just check the front page for news. Earlier, I saw a post up there that basically described my birthday dinner like three weeks ago. At first, I didn't give a fuck, but now I just felt the need to clarify a few things, even though I know most people called him an asshole.
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Some people got angry about the R. Kelly comment and singing Ignition. Was it mean? Yes, but I'm done being nice to creeps. This was not a bar. It was a bar and grill, but it was mainly a restaurant that just happened to serve drinks. We were sitting near a family, so we weren't in a setting where people go to get hit on. We were minding our business and keeping in the corner booth.
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He came and wished me a happy birthday. I said thanks and we all went back to our conversation. I did appreciate being told happy birthday, but he stuck around. We laughed uncomfortably and went back to our conversation. He stuck around and kept interrupting us. Each time he said something, we nodded and then turned our backs to him.
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Like she was going to be like, let's go to one of those. Which frankly, that's, if you want to argue a compromise- That's one. It's like, let's go to Paris and one of the days we'll go to Disney Paris and then some of the other days we'll go do other things.
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We said, thank you, bye, a few times, but he was still standing there talking to us. His friend kept finding excuses to leave. I was annoyed, uncomfortable, and disgusted, but I gave him a respectful, okay, have a good night. Here's some cake for you to take home. But he grabbed the cake and sat down in our booth. No. He said, the night's not over yet. Predator!
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Then my friend just snapped. And if she didn't, I was going to. When she called him R. Kelly, she wasn't accusing him of being a pedo, but a creep. 30-year-old guys who hit on us are creepy and disgust us. Point blank. period. We were nice the entire time and I even gave them a million hints and cake for the road. His friend was even finding reasons for them to leave.
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Then he had the audacity to stand there and fight us on it. I told him that he was way too old for us and it was creepy from the start. When he left, we started singing Ignition among ourselves, not singing it after him. It's a throwback that our parents put us on. Instead of crying over our night being ruined by a creep, we turned it into a fun moment with karaoke." P.S.
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When he asked us our age and gave us his, we became a million times more uncomfortable. Guy was 30 trying to get with 18-year-olds at a birthday dinner. We are used to old men bothering us, and it's always gross. To the if-he-wasn't-ugly crowd, he was a decent-looking, fit guy. If I never met him, I'd set him up with my aunt. But he was in his 30s, and that is way too old.
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This isn't porn, and I haven't met a single girl desperate for a 30-year-old divorced dick. Being called legal is demeaning. Everything about it was sickening. When he came over, announced his age, then asked us ours, I almost yacked. It was like he was IDing us at a family restaurant. Fuck out of here. I'm tired of having to be polite to guys who are creepy and disrespectful. Period.
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That was crazy. What if he commented underneath it being like, all right, so what's your aunt up to?
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You're telegraphing it. This is so good. That's insane. He sat down and said, the night's not over yet. Which is very scary. Extremely scary. I mean, he's lucky they didn't call the staff on him.
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They were being so nice to him.
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Brutal. That's awesome. You know he saw this, too.
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Oh, yeah, you said I was fit. Yeah.
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Yes. Sure. No, and I mean... I feel like my point was proven. That final paragraph, devastating. She annihilated him. Oh, 100%. If he read this, he's dust.
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Get your ass home. And she's new to college.
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Yeah, brutal. All right, our next one. I don't know if anything can beat that.
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That was savage. And we're going to Disney World after this.
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Okay, our next story. This comes from Relationship Advice. Am I the asshole for breaking up with my girlfriend because of a caught cheating prank?
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Yeah. Yeah. I, a 26-year-old man, broke up with my girlfriend, 25-year-old woman, of two years because of something that happened recently, and now my friends are saying I massively overreacted.
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So a few days ago, my girlfriend and a close mutual friend decided to play a prank on me. The prank was that they filmed a scenario where I caught them in bed together pretending they were hooking up. They set up a hidden camera in the bedroom and when I walked in, I saw him in just boxers and my girlfriend in a bra and panties, straddling him, acting like they were mid hookup.
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To make it more realistic, they even made some noises and tried to act like it was happening for real. I was shocked. furious and immediately confronted them as I thought it was real at first, like an actual betrayal. And then I walked out of the room and started leaving the house when they followed me screaming it was just a prank and then showed me the video they'd been recording.
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To be honest, I felt completely betrayed, not just by the idea of the prank, but also because of how they had gotten undressed to film it. I know it's meant to be funny to some people but for me it felt disrespectful and I was hurt. The whole thing felt like a violation of trust even though I know they weren't actually cheating.
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I told her I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who would do something like that and I ended things right there. She's devastated and our friends have been telling me I overreacted. They think it was just a harmless prank and I should have taken it better.
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But I can't shake the feeling that it crossed a line for me, especially with how intimate and uncomfortable it felt to see them in that situation, even if it wasn't real. Now I'm left wondering if I made the right decision. I'm starting to doubt myself because everyone else seems to think I blew it out of proportion.
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The views, bro. There's a lot of people who do a lot of stuff on social media where I ask that question.
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It reminds me of a question that gets asked around this office a lot, which is, what is a prank? And it's kind of like trippy when you think about it. Some people don't know. What is a prank? What is a prank? And to me, a prank is supposed to be...
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Kind of like a joke that you pull on someone that does give them a rush of some emotion, but it's ultimately supposed to end in them laughing and it's supposed to be fun for the person you're pranking. If the person you prank doesn't like the prank, then it wasn't a prank. It wasn't a prank. You actually just fucked with them in a way that.
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And I think you should know the person you're pranking well enough to know what's going to work and what's not. Because there are videos of people pulling off pranks on people where the person laughs their ass off. Yeah. And those are awesome, right?
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Punked, crossed the line. But I think all of them knew. I think so, too.
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There's ones where they would get into a port-a-potty and it would like flip backward and they're at the top of a ski slope.
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Japanese prank shows are ruthless.
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You know what, fam?
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Fuck it. Wait, I'm sorry. It has me thinking of my all-time favorite. This is old school, where they would wait till people were walking down an alley by themselves and they would have a crowd of people run the, like, sprint the opposite way screaming and the people would always be like, and they would start running too. It was awesome. Yeah. That's funny. But also devastating.
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Again, this is different.
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I also think people need to know, and we say this as people who make content on YouTube, you're going to try to make a prank and you're going to film it. Know that most of the people who do prank content on YouTube, that it's all fake. It's so fake. The person they're pranking knows that it's all fake.
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Like scare tactics? Yeah.
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That shit was fucked up. Unfortunately, I was entertained by that.
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But it's wrong.
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Verdict, not the asshole. Comments, not the asshole. How does your girlfriend of two years not know you well enough to know what you'd find funny? Like even if you prank all the time with each other, she should know you and what you would find actually funny. If you're not laughing, it's not actually a prank. It's just them hurting you and then blaming you for being hurt.
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OP responded saying, yep, I told her that. She says she wanted to try something new and unexpected and didn't think I would feel so strongly about it.
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No. Someone else said, so two adults who were comfortable enough being in their underwear together and assuming a sex position think you are overreacting? OP responded, I can't make it make sense either. You made the right decision. Other people don't get to decide what sort of prank goes past your line for pranks.
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If your ex-girlfriend really was devastated, maybe she'll learn that trying to pull elaborate pranks can backfire on her and she won't do it to other people in the future, not the asshole. Yes. Ooh. My ex-girlfriend was really upset with all the hate she received online and blamed me for painting her in a bad light.
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I told her I did no such thing, she just didn't like that she got called out and on her behavior. The mutual friend who was part of the prank is now also pissed off at me and saying I went way overboard. I told them both to fuck off and have blocked their numbers.
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Our friends have since started taking this more seriously after reading some of the comments on here, with a few taking my side and saying what my girlfriend and the friend did was horrible. Others still think this was all unnecessary and I should have just laughed it off and moved on. No.
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You know what? I also, I don't think this is what's happening, but I know that I do this and I have to like force myself away from it, which is they didn't go on vacations for the longest time because they couldn't afford it. They finally could. And they probably one of their first trips was Disney World. And it was like that rocked. Yeah. Let's do it again. Because we know it rocked. Yeah.
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Yeah, the whole point of the video that you were also filming without my permission was supposed to make me look, I was the focus of this video I didn't know I was gonna be in. That alone.
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He did the right thing. Our final story. This story was covered on two hot takes on an episode that Courtney was in. So Courtney's take is out there, and now it's time for our takes.
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It's time for three hot takes.
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No, our takes are hot.
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I'm actually not.
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Let's do it. All right. Okay. Our final story. Am I the asshole for telling my fiance I don't want my Timu engagement ring?
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Timu is a, like, it's a... It's like a Shein, it's like an app or website where you get really cheap stuff.
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Uh-uh. But it's just a site where you get really cheap.
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Imagine Amazon, but like 100 times shittier.
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Yeah, it's Shein. Okay. Okay, so it's a 27-year-old woman. My fiance, a 29-year-old man, proposed to me a few weeks ago. It caught me completely by surprise, but we've been together for three years and things have been going great, so I was really excited and said yes. I really liked the ring when I first saw it and my friends and family all think it is stunning.
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It's an oval cut with diamonds across the band. I asked where he got it and he wouldn't tell me where, but that he got a great deal on it. I didn't think anything of it until yesterday when we were in bed and I asked him if it was diamond or moissanite, mainly out of curiosity. I don't have a preference, by the way. He said he didn't know and would have to look it up.
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When I glanced over at his phone, he was in the Timu app. I asked him if he got it from there and he didn't respond. So I asked again and he responded with something like, does it matter? He left the room and ended up sleeping on the couch. I spent all night so confused. Today I decided to download the app and look up my ring and I found one that looks identical.
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I found the exact ring and it's listed at $38. I am mad. He makes good money, around $200,000 a year, and I feel like he could have shelled out some money for a ring better than the one on Timu. Am I the asshole for telling him I don't want it?
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It's so easy to fall into the like. Trap. Well, we've done that. And it's awesome. So let's just keep going there. It's safe. I think the like more common one is like restaurants. It's like, oh, that restaurant. This is our spot. We love it. We're going to just keep going there. It's like we have to try something new eventually. Right. Yeah.
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So I, to me, it's once again of like, this is, he does not know his fiance, or he doesn't know his girlfriend, right? Because this, it clearly did matter to her to some degree about like what the ring is. And there are tons of people who don't have like fancy rings. But there's, it's like, there's still, it's such an important thing to have some thought put into it.
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Yeah, it doesn't have to be expensive, but like to have some meaning to it is important. But he just got it off a,
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I know people who have silicone rings or wooden rings or all sorts of things. But just something that has some meaning to it, maybe. Clearly it's important to her is what I mean. Because there are people who are like, oh, I don't give a shit what the ring is. But she's not one of those people.
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Because this is going to be temporary. This ring is going to break. It's going to turn her finger green. Her finger's going green in like two weeks. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. The verdict is not the asshole. Comments, not the asshole because that thing might turn your finger green. He's lucky you don't have a sensitivity to fake metals like some do. He makes good money but bought a $38 ring.
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Is he cheap with other things where discount shopping isn't a new thing for him and he's just an all around penny pincher? My first thought was did he not spend the money because he doesn't want slash expect this to last? OP said, yeah, let me provide some more context. Really, he's never been overly frugal. I'm probably more frugal than he is.
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And then you try something new and you're like, that's our new favorite spot. Right. That's. It's comfort. It's the tough thing. And there's nothing wrong with.
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Neither of us are huge spenders, but we each make enough to not have to strictly budget or anything. We have our own accounts and split rent equally. I know he has at least $100,000 across his savings slash investment accounts. We go out for drinks a few times a week and we'll go to concerts together and whatnot frequently. We travel a few times a year and stay in basic accommodations. Ugh.
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Like our door dash the other night was $40. My ring costs less than door dashing dinner. Yep.
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But I'm now confused, because she's like, he's not frugal. We're not in a financial bind. Yeah. This is confusing.
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Nine years in a row. I think it's like. Unless they're both Stoked about it right that's fine right, but he's not right yeah Okay comments well verdict not the asshole sure yeah comments How the fuck did this go on for nine trips without you saying something I'd have gone mad after going a second time correct so
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Update, after reading responses from my first post on the Am I the Asshole subreddit, it got taken down, I was freaking out a bit. He came home while I was FaceTiming a friend about this. I hung up with her and then talked to him for an hour or so. He apologized for sleeping on the couch and that he needed time to think.
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He doesn't see eye to eye with me on my concerns about the ring and says he did research and that it was highly rated. He says if the ring breaks, he will replace it, but didn't say it'd be higher quality. I have people messaging me that the ring could be harmful to my health and that Timu has horrible standards for their jewelry and labor issues, so now I really don't wanna wear it.
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He left and went to his brother's house. Usually I'd go with him, but things are just tense. Am I the asshole for telling him I still don't want it? No, you're not. Update number two.
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Ugh. Now I'm just in my head about all of it and regretting my initial reaction. It's just a dumb ring and maybe I've read into it too much. The only other time we've had an argument like this, it was resolved within a couple hours, so I'm not used to this behavior from him. Update number three.
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Update machine over here. He came home this morning while I was in a work from home meeting. These comments made my head spin all night. I got like three hours of sleep, so I admit I may be in the wrong for bringing up his finances, but I did. Ari, the gold digger rumors. When we met, I was making more than him. and often paying for his things, his high paying job is a recent development.
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I have my own money and don't need his. I asked him what was going on, if there was anything he needed to tell me, if he was testing me by doing this. Well, that really set him off. What kind of person do you think I am? You think I'm a cheapskate, a liar? You obviously think really poorly of me. But still, he never gave me a reason.
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So I asked why he was deflecting every question to victimize himself and to avoid my questions. He tried to leave again. So I tried deescalating and told him I see where he's coming from, but I need to know if he still loves me. He was immediately apologetic and still wants to get married. He said I can just pick my ring out and buy it with my own money.
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He said he's sick of talking about this and it's water under the bridge now. He's acting like his normal self again since this convo. I hear him out there skipping around and humming to himself all happily and it's actually pissing me off. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I don't think I can handle a marriage with someone like this.
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Two beer towers. And then when that goes wrong, you go to Disney World.
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Someone else said, your wife needs to learn to consider her husband's feelings instead of only her own, not the asshole. Lastly, someone said, what the fuck? You have a wife problem. She's not into fully compromising at all. She doesn't look beyond herself much. Book yourself a nice vacation and go.
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Yeah. Okay. Thank you both for being here.
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No more updates. Thank God. There's nothing else to update on that. Yeah, they're done. They're done. I think they're done.
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Yeah, these were really good. Yep, pretty solid. Very good. And they'll also be solid at Smosh Reads Red Stories Live on March 8th. We're doing it live.
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And we're going to have a live audience. Those tickets are likely sold out by now, but you can go get tickets at live.Smosh.com, and it'll be like you're there with us in person. Get your pancakes out. Watch the live stream. It's going to be a blast. So we'll see you there. And we'll also see you next Saturday, as always.
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Yeah, you got a woman problem, bro. You got a wife problem. You gotta get that wife in line.
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About a week ago, I made a post about an argument my wife Jess and I had. The TLDR version of it is Jess loves going to Disney World, and we have gone there for literally every trip during our marriage, which is now at an impressive nine times. When I asked Jess if we could go somewhere like Hawaii, she suggested Aulani, the Disney resort, and I dismissed the idea completely. This upset Jess.
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Here's the update. I screwed up. I know most people were giving me the not the asshole judgment, but Jess actually showed a great deal of openness to my idea. She took initiative by reserving the hotel because she wanted me to be happy. When I said nope, no Disney, she felt that I hadn't put any effort into taking her feelings into consideration, and she was completely right. I hadn't.
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Oh, yeah. It's still the bread and butter of pretty much every episode. All right, well, let's just hop into these. Let's do it. Okay. Our first one, Am I the Asshole for just deciding not to travel because my wife made reservations for Disney again? Oh boy.
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It was, in a twisted way, my form of revenge for dragging me to Disney World all those times. In the last post, some people commented about how Aulani barely even looks like a Disney resort at all. This is something I should have researched myself before I threw the gauntlet down with Jess. When I looked into it, it looked like a run-of-the-mill Hawaiian resort.
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In my defense, going to Disney World nine times has kind of made me sensitive, and I'm fairly sure that on a Rorschach test, I'd see nothing but mouse ears at this point, but I really should not have jumped to conclusions. A day after I made the post, I approached Jess and apologized. I was wrong.
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Yes, she might be a Disney adult, but aside from always wanting to go to their theme parks, she's never obnoxious about it. I said I was sorry and asked for permission to reserve the hotel again. And Jess responded that she'd love to go to Aulani with me. When I told her that it's not really all that Disney, Jess said, of course I knew that. I wanted to go because my sister said it was beautiful.
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I'm a moron. Jess and I have replanned our vacation and we're super excited to be going now. I came to this realization because a lot of people pointed out some things I should have figured out myself. Thank you.
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Sure, I still don't love that he's jumping to, I'm not considering her feelings. It's like, well, she didn't consider your feelings for nine years, so I don't know. We obviously don't know these people on a real level, we just have this story, but from what I'm gathering from here, it just doesn't sound like she's considering him.
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Now write that down.
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Yeah. Hi again, everybody. This situation all started because my wife, Jess, and I had an argument about going to Disney World on vacation again. I didn't want to go because we've been there nine times. When I suggested Hawaii, Jess made reservations for Aulani, which previously on Dragon Ball Z, Disney World Resort.
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Okay, and we realized that I was wrong and that Aulani was a perfectly fine compromise. Unfortunately... We will not be going to Aulani for our upcoming vacation. A couple of days after Christmas, Jess had a minor car accident. She mistook the drive for reverse and backed into our garage door. When I heard the loud bang, I ran outside and found Jess holding her neck in the car.
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I immediately drove her to the hospital where she got x-rays done. She seemed fine, but the doctor said that based on her symptoms, headache, neck pain, numbness in her fingers, she could have whiplash. Jess and I figured that she would be fine in a couple days, but almost two weeks later she is still complaining about back pain.
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We've got a Disney adult story. Let's go.
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Yesterday she approached me saying that she wasn't confident she could go to Hawaii in a few months. I asked what she wanted to do and while apologizing profusely, she asked me if we could postpone that trip. I responded that she had absolutely nothing to apologize for. After that, she said that she felt bad about not being able to go to Hawaii, but she might be able to make it to Disney World.
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Stop it. Stop it.
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But you know what'll help? Maybe Space Mountain will get it back right.
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Let's go. My wife Jess and I have been married for the past 13 years. We're both 39. After experiencing financial hardship throughout our 20s and early 30s, Jess and I are now fortunate enough to have the means to travel once or twice a year. The only problem is that Jess literally only wants to go to Disney World.
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She's flooring it out of her garage. Yeah, that's crazy. All right, all right, let's continue. Yeah, sorry. While I didn't understand at first, she told me that it was very high accessibility and in a worst case scenario, ECV rentals. She doubts that will be necessary, but assured me that we could take it easy there.
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I know that this isn't the conclusion people here wanted, and it's certainly not what I wanted to do with my next vacation, but Jess's health has to come first here. We've made our reservations. It's not where I want to go, but Jess is super happy right now, and that's what matters most to me. Thank you all for your input. Is this a no sleep post?
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Her neck is just back to itself.
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People were taking advantage of it.
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I don't think that'll get you in front of the line.
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He's in severance and every year he just comes into consciousness at Disney World over and over again.
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Literally, she's like, okay, Disney World is fine, but the resort where we're gonna lay by a pool all day is dangerous. Bullshit.
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My old boss is gonna come get me. No, this is, once again, I only have this story. I have no other information. This just feels like total manipulation to me.
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No, I'm so upset that he agreed what he should have said. And the actual answer is no, we're not going on any vacation. We're not getting on planes. We're not going anywhere. If you have this injury that you're saying that happened a couple weeks ago that you don't feel confident a few months from now.
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He's going to Disney World for the rest of his life. He's not going anywhere.
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We have been to Disney nine times now, and every vacation we have ever taken together was to go there, including our honeymoon. So we go, we eat the Mickey Mouse ice cream, we wear the mouse ears, we stay in the official hotels, we see the characters, we ride the rides, we take the pictures in front of Cinderella's castle, and we come home every trip.
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They live in the Haunted Mansion.
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This is a very good one. What? No, it's extremely funny. It's also a nightmare. Yeah.
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Welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme, red flags. And I am joined by two people who are absolute red flags, Courtney and Trevor. I agree. Well, actually, that honesty, green flag.
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The bar is so low, the bar is so low. I really, I'm very curious, like I'd love to sit down with a guy who says that and ask them specifically, like you're embarrassed, what do you think is going through people's minds? What do you think they're thinking?
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I really, unfortunately, think it boils down, I wouldn't be shocked if it boils down to being like, people are gonna think I'm gay. That probably is. That's literally like. Okay, man.
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For buying products for women, they love that. It's so dumb. Okay, our next story. Comes from Best Predator Updates. Okay. Holy squeak. Holy freaking quack. Here we go. It's a 30-year-old man. My partner... Old! This is a 30-year-old man. My partner, a 30-year-old man, won't let me sleep, and I don't know what to do.
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Okay. First off, I'll say I have sleep issues. I find it very difficult to get to sleep and stay asleep despite taking medication for it. And when I finally do sleep, I snore. I've tried so many times to fix this. Nose strips, adjusting positions, spoken to many GPs about it, nothing worked. I can't control it.
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My partner has taken to, instead of rolling me over, just losing his patience and kicking doors open, yelling, screaming, hitting the bed to scare me awake. This has started a few months ago and was super infrequent, but has now picked up and is happening multiple times a week now. I'm now having an even harder time getting to sleep. Bedtime is giving me so much anxiety.
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My body is on a hair trigger now. I wake up at the slightest noise and never fully drift off anymore because I'm just expecting to be woken up in an extremely aggressive manner. I feel like I'm at the end of my tether. How do I get them to listen and just let me sleep? I mean, it's ridiculous to be scared of going to sleep when your partner is home, isn't it? I don't know what to do anymore.
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I can't just up and leave him because he's totally dependent on me financially. and I don't have anywhere I could stay. We live paycheck to paycheck. It's not like I can just sleep somewhere else and still support us. He is so angry all the time now, and I don't know how much longer I can be around him. I just want to be left alone to sleep in peace.
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It's two 30-year-old men. Okay. So he's saying, I can't, hold on, I don't know what to do. I can't just up and leave him because he's totally dependent on me financially, and I don't have anywhere I could stay. We live paycheck to paycheck. It's not like I can just sleep somewhere else and still support us. So it sounds like they're already in kind of a high-stress situation.
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They're stressed financially and then not being able to sleep is extremely stressful. How their partner is reacting though is super unfair and not good. They need to talk about this.
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You have to deal with a bunch of red flags to get to a place in your life where you're good at seeing them.
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The red flag to me is that OP is saying that they've tried everything. The nose strips, adjusting positions, spoken to many GPs about it, nothing's worked. Like, they are trying. It's not like they're... I would understand a little bit more of the frustration if they're like, oh, yeah, whatever, I snore, you gotta deal with it. But they're not doing that.
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They're trying everything they can, and it doesn't sound like the partner... Of the information we have, the partner wasn't trying anything on their end. I don't know what other solutions there are, but you gotta find solutions instead of this.
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I've been, because I have family members who are snorers, so when I, growing up and then also when I visit, and I've found for me, I can sleep through a lot of noise if it's consistent. The problem is when people are snorers who are all over the place, That's tough, because you don't know what to expect. I just don't love how quickly this sounds like this got to yelling, slamming doors.
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Like, this person sounds scared. So this behavior that this other person is showing is extreme. I do think this is a major red flag to me.
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Good. That is a skill that isn't talked about is like the ability to recognize green flags as well.
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I don't like it. If I was friends of OP, I mean, I'd need to know more information, but based on this alone, I think this would be like, hey, this is abusive. This is a problem.
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Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare! And I mean, yeah, because yelling is just never okay. Comments, someone said, you leave. This is abuse, plain and simple. Sleep deprivation is a torture tactic for fuck's sake.
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I think it's just one of those things, though, if I were to talk to OP, I'd be like, hey, your partner's supposed to be someone who cares about you and you trust more than anything, and you are on edge and scared of your partner. So are you really even in a relationship right now?
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Yeah. Yeah, thanks everyone. I'm a pretty good person. Hey, way to go. Thanks. Let's get to this first story here.
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Oh my God. My sleep paralysis therapy.
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Someone said, have you been evaluated for sleep apnea? That is often a cause of snoring and can be a serious condition. OP said, I am in the process of trying to get my GP to assess me for this, as I do fit all the criteria. We're doing the let's check off and rule out other options part before they'll do anything.
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I've never made an update to a post before, so I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. Please let me know. I posted well over a year ago now, closer to two years at this point, about my sleep snoring issues causing aggression from my partner, and some people seemed really concerned for me in the comments, so I felt the need to update just so people know I'm okay.
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So to update, not long after the post, I sat down with him and explained how upsetting his behavior was, and he changed it. We aired our grievances, did some reflecting, and realized it was unsustainable, so we implemented changes and it worked. Isn't it wild how communicating can fix problems? A lot of people wanted me to dump him and leave, but we have been together for years.
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I wanted to give it another try to see if we can find a solution. The first change was sticking strictly to separate sleeping areas and sleeping separately helped so much. Seriously, we are so much better rested in our own spaces and our sleep routines aren't being disrupted by each other. Also fun sleepovers with no sleeping, haha.
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Sleep deprivation was making both of us crazy stressed out and we were not handling it well, him in particular. I've reached out to my GP since and am currently still on a waiting list for a sleep study to confirm sleep apnea, which is not ideal. but at least there's movement there. I love the NHS but don't love how long these wait lists take in my area.
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Green flag anyone? This comes from Am I the Asshole? My boyfriend refuses to buy me female products, pads, and now I'm upset. Dude, that shit's gross.
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He also started therapy soon after my post and we found out that he's autistic, which we suspected before but didn't know what to do about. He got diagnosed and really dove into resources on the topic and we both learned so much about how to deal with it. He's done so much work on recognizing and coping with being overstimulated.
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Yeah, the loud snoring, extra distressing for him with his sensory issues. He didn't understand how to identify. and redirecting his anger into healthier outlets. He's now trying to get me to get assessed too. I'll say something like, where are the scissors? The way this thread is hanging off my sleeve and touching my arm makes me want to peel off my skin.
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And he'll just hold up a book on autism and point at me like, which is fun.
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And on our financial situation, I mentioned in my post, it flipped. He found a job and then I lost mine. So we're no better off on that front, but sleeping and as a couple, we're doing so much better. I want to thank so many commenters on my first post for helping me realize it was not healthy or okay for either of us. We're still working on it, but we're in a much healthier, happier place.
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All right, green flag.
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That's a great ending to that.
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That's awesome. Yeah. It's a feel-good one.
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Yeah, and I'm assuming with all their conversations, they've really talked more about that. It seems like it. And it's an ongoing process. And this post was made two years after. So maybe there was a lot of things that happened, a lot of conversation.
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Our next story comes from Relationship Advice. Husband, who's 35, bought me, 31-year-old woman, the same earrings I have worn daily for the last two years.
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I'll make it short and sweet. Me, 25-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, 28-year-old man, have been dating for over three years. Yesterday, we had a conversation through text about him going to the supermarket to get pasta because we were having people over and I was going to cook. Mind you, he gets out of work before me and the supermarket is three minutes away from home.
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That's such a guy thing to do. Okay.
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My husband and I are in our third year together. Got married legally last year. Our wedding is later in 2025. I have often pointed out to him that I love sweet gestures, such as receiving meaningful gifts when the occasion arises, versus a gift card or generic item. I went out of my comfort zone and asked him directly if he could buy me earrings for Valentine's Day this year.
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He said yes, and even asked for some brands he can look at. I gave him some suggestions and let him pick for me. He gave me the earrings today and it's the exact same pair I have been wearing for the last two years every single day. I've worn them the day I first met him, the day he proposed, the day we got married on paper.
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I couldn't hold back my honest feelings that I felt so invisible to him, that my doubts of him not caring about the little things were just confirmed by this. He got upset at me for getting upset at him. Fellow ladies, how would you have felt?
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Hey, I'm gonna take a back seat on this one. I feel like we need more information. I want to know what he was, because I think, so she's saying that he was unaware that those were her earrings. Did she say that? I think that's what I'm inferring, because she's saying I feel invisible. God damn. That's my interpretation, is that she's like, you didn't even realize that these were the same earrings.
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That's what I think she is thinking and saying, as opposed to, oh, you bought me another pair of these earrings because you know I love them, so... Yeah. Want to just, uh...
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They're married. They're legally married. They just haven't had their wedding yet.
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Yeah, she went. Because the chances of him finding and buying the same exact pair, she only wears one pair of earrings. The chances are pretty astronomical.
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Everything was fine until I got my period right after I was about to leave my job and go home. I texted him to please grab some pads for me. And his answer was, I'm not doing that. Then I said, I'm going home. They're on the personal hygiene aisle. I need them. His answer was, so go get them. And I replied, aren't you going to the store? He said, yeah.
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In this case, too, she's talking about that she wears one pair of earrings. It's not like she has a style. It's not like she has a variety. She wears one pair of earrings every day. And then he bought that exact pair. And then he did get upset at her for getting upset at him. Yeah. There's a lot going on here. Some comments, I don't buy men are like that and they don't notice things.
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Men notice plenty when they want to. They can recite the stats for their favorite teams or their favorite players among other things. I would have been disappointed too. Someone else said, don't buy into the whole guys are just like that thing. My partner hinted at having a note on his phone of all the things I excitedly talk about maybe getting and is actually excited about my upcoming birthday.
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I would also be upset by such a letdown. Someone else said, that would have hurt my feelings a lot. I think you're justified in feeling upset. It's also concerning that he got upset with you for getting upset with him. You should be able to express your feelings without him turning it on you. I think you expressed yourself well in this post.
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Maybe you could write him a letter about how it made you feel. That gives you the opportunity to air out your feelings and hopefully it will feel less confrontational for him.
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Yeah, to feel seen. And she's saying she feels invisible. Yeah. And I... It's one of those where I wish I had more information is that I'm like, you feel invisible and I don't believe it's just from this singular event. That's what's tough is I'm like, you feel invisible in a relationship is a big deal. And she's like, yeah, this confirms my fears. It's like, what else is going on?
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Hi. Hey, Shane. How's it going?
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OP left a comment. They said, Okay. And that's the end of that. We don't have an update or anything. So... I don't know. I think if he's really sorry and he changes things,
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So I replied, I'm telling you to please get it for me. And his answer was, I said, I'm not doing that, but you keep asking. And I ended the conversation by saying, okay, thanks. Then he said that we shouldn't have people over tonight, which made me more I ended up getting them myself while having pain and a bunch of toilet paper wrapped around my panties to not make a mess.
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Like. Yeah, it's true. And it doesn't sound like, it sounded so simple. She wears one pair of earrings. Yeah, she sent him links for other ones. So it's an interesting blip. And I do think it's something that has been so normalized with men, right? Where we go, oh, well, men are just like that. They don't notice whatever. And it's like, no, don't accept that. You don't have to accept that.
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It doesn't sound good.
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It's interesting how even from small Reddit stories, you can get this vibe of like, do you actually really like each other or is it you're tolerating each other? It's like, oh, this is good enough. Like, yeah, it's fine. You wanna be in that?
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I just think it's like, this is not an inherent guy thing, right? It shouldn't be, oh, well, guys are like that. It's like, no, this is an individual by individual thing. It's been normalized, so we accept it, but you don't have to make that normal for yourself. All right, our next story comes from Am I the Asshole?
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Am I the asshole for refusing to remove a tattoo related to my ex for my current partner? Ooh, I've never read a story like this. This is a 24-year-old man. My girlfriend, who's 29, and I have been together two years. I only have one tattoo. I got it when I was 19 and it was given to me by my ex-girlfriend.
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The tattoo, while it's not directly about or for my ex, she was the person to tattoo it on me. It's a small, minimal tattoo. My ex and I never broke up. She died unexpectedly in an accident. I was 21. I haven't been in a serious relationship until this one I'm in now because I've taken time to overcome the loss and all the associated trauma. To me, my tattoo holds a lot of meaning.
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It extends beyond the relationship I had with my ex. I've tried to explain that to my girlfriend, but her thinking is black and white. If you're over her, just get it removed. Can't you do this for me? Don't you want to move on? It means you're stuck in the past. These are some of her arguments. Am I the asshole for wanting to keep my tattoo? That's a huge red flag. For one, it's a minimal tattoo.
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I always say, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. If he feels uncomfortable, he could have said, I'm sorry, but that makes me uncomfortable so I won't be able to. And I could see it with a different perspective. However, he is 28, and I think it's a very immature thing to be embarrassed about. And before you ask, this was my second time asking him.
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I mean, regardless, it's his body.
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Yeah, same. But ultimately, this is one of those situations where If you're with someone, they have a tattoo or anything that they have with their body and they go, this is my choice, I'm doing this. You kind of have to be like, yeah, all right. Or if you have such a problem with it, then don't be with them.
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There's a lot that I would maybe, there's a lot that I would maybe understand, and I think it being tied to trauma and grief changes it entirely, because it's not just about the ex, this is about a period of time in his life. This is probably about a huge moment for him, and you know, yeah, it was an ex, but it was also like, that's just someone who meant something to him.
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Little layers to that relationship.
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And I don't like her. I don't think she should be presenting him with tons of arguments, and I don't like her arguments at all. Can't you do this for me? Don't you want to move on? It means you're stuck in the past. I mean, this is manipulation. It's just really, really insensitive and shitty.
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The verdict, not the asshole. Comments, not the asshole. Demanding someone remove a tattoo in general is a pretty crazy demand. If it's not specifically a name or very obvious symbol of her, there should be no reason for someone to even request it be removed or covered. Your current girlfriend seems very insecure. OP responded saying, exactly. It's not directly anything to do with her.
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It is. It's a morning. This is our first video up today filming. I don't know if you guys can ever tell the vibes, depending on if we're filming at 8 AM or 6 PM. I feel like you get a different flavor.
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The first time, he got it for me no problem, but we were living at his mom's house, which she used to do everything for him, so at this point, I think she was the one who got it.
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It's just that she gave it to me. Even when I had it done by her, it was a tattoo I was getting for myself. And while it did take on the added meaning of being something that exists in a world where she no longer does and will always be connected in that way, it's not something to be competed with. I wish I'd shared the deeper backstory about my tattoo with my current girlfriend earlier.
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I think I took too long in establishing this side of my relationship with her, having her earn my trust before letting myself become vulnerable to a point where I could share traumatic memories with her. All for her to say, remove your tattoo. Shaking my head. Maybe I'm an idiot and I don't know how to spot them, but I genuinely saw no red flags.
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This is our only real issue in our relationship, but unfortunately, it's a huge one.
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an issue like in other ways this partner their version of setting boundaries and having things done for them is controlling I also think you know I'm not I'm thankfully not very experienced with grief but grief is a huge deal in how people deal with grief is always very unique and different by the person and you need to be very respectful of how they have dealt with their grief and whatever they've done and whatever they're currently doing and
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As he admits, he's like, it took me a long time to feel vulnerable to share this, of course. And the second he does, her response is, well, just get rid of that. It's like, damn, that's, I'm frankly shocked he's still staying in this relationship. That's a huge thing.
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Someone else said, she didn't even mind that tattoo until you told her your ex did it. Yeah, she's selfish and bad news. Opie said, so you're correct. She did have some concerns even before I told her my story. She worried how my tattoo would be perceived specifically by her parents because tattoos historically have bad association in my culture. But it's not a big tattoo.
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It's very clean and not visible when wearing most clothes. She knew about me in my past. She knew everything. This tattoo is the least bad thing about me. But to her, it's the most intolerable. Someone else said, I'd reserve judgment on this. OP, do you talk about your former girlfriend a lot? Does your girlfriend feel like there's a ghost in the relationship?
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OP said, I didn't talk about her at all until recently when I decided to open up and share the story about my tattoo. And that's when the remove your tattoo stuff came out. It's not a part of my past I bring up easily or want to visit or talk to people about beyond what's necessary. And sometimes I wonder if I should just keep it to myself and not tell anyone at all. Hmm. Update. Okay.
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I've never understood why guys are, like, embarrassed by the notion of buying pads. Because my takeaway is if a guy at a supermarket is buying pads, what people are going to think is, oh, you have a girlfriend or a wife or something.
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Thank you everyone for answering my question. I talked to my girlfriend and even though I've explained the past, I tried to explain again one last time, thinking maybe if we could communicate our feelings more clearly, we would get past this misunderstanding. I explained my tattoo is personally meaningful to me in a way that has nothing to do with my ex.
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It doesn't mean I haven't moved on or that I'm stuck in the past. Oh my god. I broke up with her because I can't take her fixation with my tattoo anymore. All right, yeah. Holy crap. Okay. What?
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With all these Reddit stories we read, every time they're like, there's no issue besides this one thing. And then something happens where it's like, I think there's issues besides this one thing. Mm-hmm. That is unbelievable.
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That is a lot of bad. If when you drink, that's your tendency, then okay. Holy crap. Wow. God.
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That's actually not a red flag anymore. You've made it to the thing. No, that's the red castle. You've now made it to the ship that you're... You've done a crime. That's a red flag.
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No, it's the unfortunate times when Reddit stories go past asshole conversations and it's like, oh, they're a criminal.
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Like, hey, buddy, come on. They're like, I think you're the asshole here. Oh, my God, that's horrible. That's awful. Well.
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They got out. I'm sad that they did give this person a shot, and then they turned around and did that.
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Fully press charges. They have evidence of it. Moving on from that nightmare. Comes from Am I the Asshole. Am I the asshole for not giving my girlfriend my social security number so she can run a background check on me? All right, interesting title. Let's get into this one. I, a 27 year old man, have been in a relationship with my girlfriend who's 31 for almost a year now.
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But I'm like, what do you think people, I just don't know what they think people are going to think. Yeah. Right? Like, what's the inference they're expecting?
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This evening she sat me down and said she needs to have a serious conversation with me and she asked for my social security number. I said absolutely not, why would you need that? And she told me about her ex-boyfriend who was basically living a double life.
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He had a bunch of criminal charges in his past that he'd never told her about and eventually exposed her to some sketchy and dangerous behavior before she broke things off after he cheated. I said, okay, thank you for telling me that, but what does that have to do with my social security number?
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She said ever since then, she's had her friend that works for the federal government run background checks on people to make sure they're safe. And because our relationship is progressing, she needs to know I'm a safe partner for her. So she wants my social security number to check my criminal history. Now, for the record, I don't even have a parking ticket. I'm a nerd and a gym rat.
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All I do is work, go to school, play Dungeons and Dragons, come home, watch anime, rinse and repeat, so I don't care about a background check. She won't find anything, but I'm not giving out my social security number. I don't feel comfortable enough providing that to her friend. When I said that, she got upset and said I don't understand what women go through and it's about safety.
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And I admitted she's right. I have no idea what women go through, but that doesn't mean I'm giving my social security number out to a complete stranger. She says he isn't a stranger. He's one of her best friends and married to a close friend of hers. And I said, honey, that's great, but I don't know him. I don't trust him because I don't know him. That's my information you're asking for.
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You can trust him with your personal information if you want, but no one I don't know is getting my social security number or critical details. It's just not happening. And she said that our relationship isn't going to be able to progress unless I give him my social security number because she needs to know that she's safe and she's offended that I don't trust her taste in friends.
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I got up and left at that point and told her I respect her concerns, but her past trauma doesn't give her the right to try and strong arm me into giving out sensitive information to someone I don't know just because he works for the federal government and has access to a database.
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I used to work for the federal government so I can say from experience, everyone working there isn't some wonderful person. I'm not assuming he's a monster or anything, but just working for the feds doesn't prove anything to me. She called me insensitive and hasn't spoken to me since. Personally, I feel like she was gaslighting me into giving her what she wants, but I'm not sure.
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Yeah. And you know that cashiers are seeing crazy shit all day. Yeah. They don't care. They truly don't care. Yeah.
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Yeah, he's paying the price for what her ex did.
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Yeah, yeah. I agree with what you're saying, that this is not a environment for a healthy relationship. This amount of distrust, she's clearly gone through a lot. It must have been horrible what she went through, but like,
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This is not gonna solve it. I also, the unfortunate reality is like, not all monsters have a criminal history. You know, he might have a completely clean record and is still capable of horrible things. I mean, anyone who watches true crime documentaries knows, it's not always like, oh, the signs were clear. It's like, no, sometimes it's like, oh, he was the most loved person in the community.
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You know, it's like, that's not going to solve this problem.
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I think what I think is fair when people, because she must have gone through so much, and I feel sorry for her, but what I think is the healthy thing that happens is people go through a lot in a relationship, and then in their next relationships, they're like, hey, I've learned where I draw my lines, and I will not tolerate, like, any sign of this thing. Yeah, like, there's steps.
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And I'm like, I understand. That's fair. That's great. It's like, hey, if you do anything sketchy or anything that... makes me feel in harm's way. This is over.
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It's a lot of steps.
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The verdict is not the asshole. Comments, not the asshole. I just had a background check completed. I've had them every five-ish years for the last 20 because I volunteer with children. Some in-state, some federal. I also have been screened by the government for a permit several times. I have never had to provide a social security number.
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Sadly, I think your girlfriend may be the criminal and you may be her long con mar.
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Someone else said, her government friend is committing a felony. Not the asshole. You won't know part of this. That's crazy.
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I was thinking, I'm not too aware of federal crimes. I am. A federal employee is not allowed to be doing that on the side.
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Lastly, someone said, not the asshole. You don't even know if she's telling you the truth. She could be stealing your social security number for all you know. Run, run away. Clearly she isn't willing to address her trust issues. She needs therapy. Assuming everyone is a criminal and you need proof otherwise is incredibly toxic. There is the element that she's... actually the dangerous one here.
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Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of steps. Like, she could talk to his friends, talk to his family. They've been dating for a year. Like, I feel like at this stage, she could be like, hey, I wanna, like, sit down with, like, some of your friends and, like,
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It's just crime, crime, please be crime, please be crime, please be crime. Crimes!
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After reading the comments I've been getting over the last few days, I decided to call her on New Year's Eve and give things one last chance because I'm the type of person that needs to know I did everything I could before I walked away from a relationship. And some people said she has valid concerns, she just went about them the wrong way, which made sense.
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I told her I understand and respect your need to ensure your safety, but I'm not willing to potentially compromise my safety to make you feel safe by handing over my social security number to someone I don't know and don't trust. And it's illegal for him to even use a federal database for personal reasons. So that's out.
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But what I will do is pay for a background check of your choosing so long as it's a legitimate service and give you the results. I will not be providing my social security number to anyone, but my address, date of birth, et cetera, are all fair game. She refused and said that she has chosen a background check and that's having her friend do it because she knows that she can trust him.
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So I said that if that's how you feel and you won't budge, then the issue here is trust and I'm not willing to stay in a relationship with a woman that doesn't trust me because of some shit that doesn't have anything to do with me. Oh, okay. then I'd have no problem doing this because I don't understand how vulnerable women are in society.
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So I said I was willing to work with you up to a reasonable point, but now you're just trying to manipulate me and I don't feel safe being with you anymore. Because if this is how you react when you don't get your way about having my social security number, What happens the next time we have a major disagreement or a serious situation come up?
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Are you going to keep crying to try and get your way or throw out another ultimatum to try and force me into doing what you want? She started saying that as a man, I can't understand what it's like to go through life as a woman and have to be afraid that this is what she has to do for her safety and security. And I need to just respect that and give her what she needs for her comfort.
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I was like, I tried to compromise. You wouldn't accept that. There's nothing more to say here. And to be clear, I wasn't exactly calm. I have severe anxiety. So this was a really, really hard conversation for me to have. I was actively pacing around my house and sweating and forcing words out the entire time.
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Then she started crying and asking about New Year's because we were supposed to spend it with her parents. I said, you should have thought about that before you tried to strong arm me into getting your way. This isn't a, and everyone stood up in a plotted moment. That's just how things went. I hung up and now we're over.
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Obviously I'm hurt, but I'm realizing I dodged a bullet because there's no reason shit should have gotten this fucking messy. And before anyone tries to jump me in the comments, again, I offered to pay for the check, but she refused because it wasn't the test she wanted. I feel like I made a good faith effort to resolve things.
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I hate to ring in the new year without a kiss under the mistletoe, but it is what it is. I don't know if she really is that concerned if I'm some lunatic criminal or if she's trying to scam me like a lot of you said. Either way, it's over now.
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Yeah, and it makes me think about how in relationships, oftentimes when people are cheating on someone, they are then very suspicious of that person cheating on them. Mm-hmm. Kinda makes me think, like, she's so certain that he's gonna be a criminal and be scamming her, dangerous to her, it's like, is this projection? Are you scamming? Are you crime?
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Are you crime? Are you crime?
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Either way, I think he made the right call. This was not going to work out.
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Yeah. So what are your guys' social security numbers?
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That has to suck if you get an absolutely radical social security number and you can't tell anyone. Fuck, I want to tell you myself. It's so sick.
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I didn't. I know. That was awful.
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I remember, I no joke, when I was like 18 and I had to start like knowing it, I remember being like, God, I have to remember this number. I'm like, I should get it tattooed on. How easy it would be to just like steal my identity. All right. Our final story. Last story. Our last story comes from Am I Overreacting?
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Am I overreacting after I found out my boyfriend's online friend group I became part of two years ago has been just him the whole time?
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Oh my God. I guess I should have been less oblivious, but since a little before we started dating in 2022, I was added to my boyfriend's, just friend at the time, three-person Instagram group chat with what he explained were some of his closest online friends.
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The two other accounts seemed like real people because they had real followers and comments on their posts and drastically different aesthetics looks to them. We eventually made a Discord server for us that alone was convincing enough since multiple times we'd all be active at the same time. We never voice chatted, but I used to never voice chat either, so I didn't think twice.
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The group got closer and last month we got together and planned a research trip to Hawaii for August. We live on the east coast of the US. Like, we booked everything. So imagine my surprise when I'm over at his house tonight and his computer is open and I just want to log into my Google Docs when I accidentally stumble across follower bot sites.
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He was logged in and chatting with me as one of the individuals I thought had become close with. I just got this sinking feeling. I didn't jump to the idea that they could be fake either. I was like, maybe he just has their login since they're all so close and is way too interested in their messages.
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but then I noticed their only chats were the group chats and the server, and the real kicker was the email address it was signed up under was his backup email with his full name. I quite literally snooped until he got out of the shower and caught me, which I'm not saying was right of me, but I couldn't help myself.
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During my snooping, I gradually became devastatingly confident that he wasn't behind just one, but both accounts. I've never seen his face so red and he just absolutely panicked and started shouting at me to get out of his business. I couldn't even form the right words to say to him. In the end, I just walked out of his apartment sobbing.
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It's very early in the morning, I get that, but this screenshot is what he has to say and I'm starting to feel crazy. Am I overreacting about my discovery? Here's a screenshot of the OP and boyfriend's conversation. She says, I just want to know why. When it finally came time for the Hawaii trip, how were you going to explain that? What were you thinking?
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He says, you know something I've noticed about you? You can never just be calm and there always has to be an issue. I know you were raised in a volatile environment and still have to relearn a lot about healthy relationship dynamics. but it's like you thrive on chaos only. And we were gonna see Wicked tonight. I guess there that goes. She goes, you can't be serious. I deserve answers.
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I am honestly so creeped out. Basically half my life for the past two years has been a complete and total lie and you were behind all of it. He goes, okay, don't be dramatic. You know this isn't a big deal. You're just giddy to harp on this and make a bigger issue.
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You need to block him and never talk to him again.
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Can I say, it's one of the... Okay, one of the... A red flag that I used to ignore that is such a big red flag is whenever you communicate or even like an argument and you're a partner or someone goes, oh, well, we were going to do this. I guess our night's ruined. Like you ruined our night because you communicated. I'm like that to me is such a like do not use it. You're punishing someone for it.
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Right, and we were gonna see Wicked tonight. There that goes, I'm like, fuck you.
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Me, myself, and I have great conversations, okay?
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You're out of the group. My friends don't like you. Sorry, you're off the Hawaii trip.
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Was he going to dip out at times and come back with a mustache and be like, oh, I keep missing him.
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I think we're also probably missing a lot of information here because she's just reacting. This means that these friends probably had individual conversations with her. This was always a means of probably manipulation for him to get information out of her, to know everything about her that she maybe, he feels she wouldn't share with him directly.
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The first time I bought condoms, I remember being so embarrassed and so nervous and just being like, oh my God, this is crazy. And I of course go to the cashier and I just have the condoms there and I probably bought some other things just to be like, and just, you know, other stuff. But they of course, like some sort of like, not an error, but something where they had to then ask for assistance.
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I think, unfortunately, she's gonna look back and find that this is so much worse than she thought.
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This to me is immediate, immediate block and don't ever talk to this guy again. Comments, yeah, this is not okay. I'm blown away that this is actually real because what? How could someone do that to you, your partner of all people? And like, was he ever planning on telling you or just letting it ride out? What does he gain from this?
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So many things running through my mind, but the most disgusting factor is how he responded to it. And it honestly sounds so manipulative, like he's deflecting instead of owning up to his actions. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Someone else said, I'm trying to think of all the problems. He gaslit and is actively gaslighting you. He catfished you.
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He generally manipulated you, and now he's going to spin. It's not a big deal, and if it doesn't work, he'll pivot to just a joke, or I did it for you. I would love to have a therapist weigh in on the tendencies and what they could mean. The guy is unwell. Distance yourself, and based on his access to bots, change passwords on everything. Go to accounts and check logged in devices.
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I'm not joking, not overreacting. Someone else said, am I understanding this correctly? You, your boyfriend, and these other friends were all planning a trip together to Hawaii? Like, what was the plan there? How could he possibly have explained that away? All right, update. Oh my god. Tiny little update. Okay, just got this. He still hasn't explained himself essentially at all.
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I am going to take the advice of the majority of the comments section and block on everything. Thank you so much for all of your kindness and support. I have not slept at all as this is such a bizarre situation, so I appreciate you all. Screenshot of OP and boyfriend's conversation. So he sent her a text. at 6.21 a.m.
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saying, do you want to get, he sent a text saying, do you want to get our tickets off the AMC app or buy them at the theater?
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Are all of them gonna go or just?
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No, it's scary. I'm glad she's blocking him on everything. I hope she just gets as far away from him as possible. I do think she should change passwords. I mean, that's extreme behavior, and I don't know where else that can... Move on to... That's, once again, past the red flag. Yeah. That's just... That's crime. We're there. Yeah. That's scam. We're at the destination. Woo!
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So they literally held up the box. They're like, hey, what's the deal with this thing? Can I get a ring up on this? And just there, just holding it up for the world to see.
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Wow, these were some wild ones.
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I think what makes me sad is how extreme these situations are. And yet people still need to go on Reddit and get clarification from other people of like, hey, am I overreacting? It's like... What? You needed to get a second opinion on that. That makes me feel sorry for so many people, but I know there's so many people out there who tolerate so much.
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I really think, I think so many of these conversations, it was red flags, but I think the theme today was like trust. And I think if you're in a relationship and you don't trust your partner, that's a huge problem. That's like the number one problem, right? Because you cannot move forward when you don't trust your partner, whether they've done something or not.
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Because the lady with the social security number, it's like, hey... that you can't function in a relationship with this, but it's also why lying to me is like the biggest deal. If your partner lies to you and the bigger that lie, it's like, how do you, can you move on from that? Because without trust, it's just so hard. Thank you both for being here.
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Thanks for having us. Hey, you guys are green flags.
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Hey, dude. Give us that social security number.
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All right, well, thank you for watching. And a reminder that last week we did our live show and you can still watch the VOD. It's still available until March 23rd. You can get tickets at live.smosh.com and go check it out. It was a blast, I'm certain. We haven't done it yet as I'm recording this, so I hope it was good. But thank you for watching. We'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye.
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That's what I've always meant.
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Pretty brutal. That is different for sure. Our fans don't know that any of us have sex. They don't know that. I think we were testing babies. That's going to be shocking for them.
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Some comments on this. If a dude cannot fathom the full extent of what happens in a vagina without being an idiot about it, he has no business entering one. Not the asshole. Find a boyfriend who respects women. Get that comment. Green flag. Yeah.
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Someone else said, someone who's not adult enough to buy something as trivial as pads or tampons isn't adult enough to be in a relationship. Someone else said, your boyfriend sucks. It doesn't happen often, but now and then my wife needs me to pick up pads or tampons when I'm out. Like any reasonable guy, I do it. Yeah, it's one of those things where, you know,
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All right. So I have heard that these stories are going to have a lot of red flags. Green flags might be a little more rare. But we have the flags there if we ever so choose. Feel free to raise them whenever you want.
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Reddit often jumps to like, get a new boyfriend, break up with them. But I have a hard time believing that this is an isolated thing. That this is probably, a lot of his behavior is probably reflected in this. And it is also something of like, do you wanna live with that forever? A person who's not willing to do something for you, as simple as this, I'm sure that's gonna,
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be the case for bigger things. They're going to be bigger ass. Exactly. And it's just like, he's just not on your side.
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Yeah. Today's episode of Red Stories is brought to you by ZocDoc. Have you ever tried to see a therapist who only takes appointments in the middle of your workday or driven over an hour to see that one specialist who's covered under your insurance? You shouldn't have to settle when it comes to health care, and with ZocDoc, you don't have to.
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And appointments made through ZocDoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same-day appointments. I've used ZocDoc before. I've had periods of time where I definitely need to make an appointment, and I really struggled to do it until I had ZocDoc. It made it so much easier.
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Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash pitreddit. ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit. Back to the show. Update. Update, he died.
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Throughout the stories.
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I think we're about to get a lot more info on this guy. That's exciting. Yeah, have the red flags ready.
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We had a conversation last night, very long one, and I said everything I needed to say, including reading those text messages out loud to him, and he was in any way defensive. He called himself an asshole and recognized that what he said was really fucked up. Here is a breakdown of his answers. His vapes and his vape ran out so he did warn me in the morning about nicotine withdrawal.
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Yeah, man. Shut up. That's crazy. I don't have to wait to be called upon. Free reign.
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So he said he was dealing with that all day and it made him irritated.
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He said the supermarket he went to was a small Italian supermarket, and they didn't have personal hygiene products. He said his mother never talked to him about this stuff. He had a past relationship, but it was a short one, and he said that he was never asked to get this before. He said, I didn't know it was an emergency, otherwise I would have gotten it for you with no hesitation.
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He also admitted that it is not that he's embarrassed, he just feels social anxiety. Then I explained that there's a self-checkout. He said the last time I asked him to get me pads, he was at BJ's, and even though it was his first time, I sent him pictures of what I needed. He felt anxious, but since I said it was an emergency, he got it anyways.
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Okay, man. I... I think, you know, he called himself an asshole. He should have just been like, okay, I'm sorry, next time I'll get him. That's where that can end. Yeah.
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Do you think you both are good at catching red flags at this point in your life? Yeah. Okay. I think so.
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I think this is one of those situations where he's 28, she needs to expect him to be this way forever.
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It's also, I don't need to know about this stuff. If you tell me to buy something, I'll be like, yeah, I can go buy that.
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I feel like all you need to do is just be like, hey, send me a picture of the specific brand. Send me a picture of the box, and I'll get that box.
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There was an edit apparently in this where she admits that there was one time where he had an emergency and she had to wipe his ass.
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Yeah, my red flag is raised here. No, if someone wipes your ass, I think you owe them to buy them.
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That's... I think at that stage she needs to reflect on the give and take of this relationship because she is doing a lot for him. Hold on, here it is. Here's the words. I would like to add an anecdote. Two and a half years ago, he had a horrible accident while skiing, fractured his right leg, and dislocated his left shoulder so he couldn't move at all or shower and even pee or poop.
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Guess who helped him with all that? Me. So she has, that was six months in that she was doing all that for him. And now, after all of that, he won't even go buy her pads. I don't know, man. That's tough.
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No. You don't have to worry about the cashier judging you. The cashier's thinking about how much they wish they could have a chair.
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Tell me I'm wrong. Every cashier in America's like, I just wish I could fucking sit down. It's some bullshit.
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I think I used to be a lot worse at it. I think actually, worst of all, there was a time in my life when I would see red flags and then choose to ignore them. And I'm talking about in my personal life. And that's kind of what I'm regarding here is just like in your own personal relationships and stuff of just not recognizing it. But I think we've all gone through that. And you kind of have to.
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It's so funny, too, because it's, maybe this is, I don't think this is fucked up to say, but it's one of those situations where male insecurity, they do this thing where I'm like, be a man and buy them. Like what the hell? You look like a baby because you can't do this.
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Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is weddings. And I'm joined by two guests who are married.
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It's one of those insults, I mean, almost any version of what the sister said to the fiance would have made her look bad, right? But boring is such a specific insult that I think makes, if you're calling someone boring, I think it always makes you look immediately horrible.
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Because it's like, that's not really an insult. That's just you being a bully.
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I just wish she was you. Anything is believable. It's possible she's just jealous of her sister. I mean, that's possible. I mean, there's a million possibilities. It doesn't really matter what the reasoning is when you're doing something so shitty like that.
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In-person tickets might be sold out by now, but you can get your tickets at live.smosh.com. The live stream is going to look incredible. It's going to be like you're there. And I hope you join us. Anyways, let's get into the show. So, weddings are notoriously problem-free.
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That's, you know why it's hard for me to imagine? Because it's so out of character for my siblings.
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Yeah, it'd be really hard to go and be happy for them because this is diabolical.
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I'm going to make sure people don't go.
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In her situation, whatever she wants to do is within her rights to do. And I mean, if she doesn't want to go, she doesn't have to go. She does not owe her sister anything after that. But it's always interesting when people talk about family stuff like... it's hard, you can't like judge what people decide, you know, because I know it's so hard.
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But if, I think people should have the right to make that decision to be like, I'm not going to this wedding. It's like, yeah, you don't have to go because that's horrible. Like, is your sister even going to go to your wedding? Like, it's the science point to know.
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I will say, even if she goes to her sister's wedding, it's now more of a question of do you let your sister go to your wedding?
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What is she gonna do at your wedding? So true. That's more the fear there. Comments. I think, and this, that's true. It is absolutely true. And I think the trend that I've seen at this stage with families, because they're always trying to keep the peace, there's always the sibling that is doing the chaotic thing or doing the horrible thing, but the family never goes after them.
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And it might be because the family knows, like, oh, we're not going to, We're not gonna get through to them. We're not gonna be able to get through to them. But we do have a sibling who is, or a kid who has a little more logic to them, so we can make sure that they just deal with the bullshit. Be the punching bag, because we can't deal with the person who's throwing all the punches.
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Someone said I don't think the sister is so much in love with mark as she is addicted to attention and control And the fact that her sister has anything at all including a good man bothers her It doesn't matter that the sister has her own man and is getting married It doesn't even matter if the man she is marrying is a good person who is loving and devoted to her There is someone in proximity to her and her sister that she does not feel ownership of Somebody who likes her sister better than her and she doesn't and she's not used to that
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She's the star of the show. In her own mind, everyone prefers her. Everyone should. She's not comfortable with her sister being somebody's primary. I'm sure there are many reasons why she is jealous, but I think a lot of it comes down to needing to have dominance over her sister in every possible way. Truly sick.
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I'm like, okay, you might be right. But hey, dominated?
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There's a lot of theories in the comments. And look, one of them's probably right. I also think these comments are speaking from personal experience a little bit too.
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Lastly, someone said, It really is such a betrayal. It's such a betrayal.
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I'm never quick, based on just one story, to jump to the cut people off advice. And that's only because I don't know the history, right?
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Now, if this, what I assume and what I do believe is usually the case, because that's such extreme behavior, is it probably was a pattern. If you probably sat down and talked to OP and you're like, so has your sister done anything like this before? I would bet money that most likely it's, yeah, she's done similar things.
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And at that stage when it's a pattern, it's like, all right, you either, you do have to cut them off. They're not going to listen to you. And if this isn't going to stop, they are actively harming you.
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I think that's actually, in a lot of wedding stories we've read before, it isn't always day of that's necessarily the problem. It is the lead up.
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I think if this was truly out of the blue, the family's reaction would have been so different.
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They'd have been like, whoa, we got to talk to her. Yeah.
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Well, the show's been on for like 10 years.
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Our next story comes from Today I Fucked Up, and it's from a few years ago. Today I fucked up by trying to fly my drone at my sister's wedding reception.
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So this had actually happened about a week ago. I wanted to shoot some cool overhead footage at my sister's wedding reception, and it was a pretty windy day. I go for this shot where I start close and fly out backwards, zooming away from the party. Just as I do this, there's a strong gust of wind that pushes my drone backwards so fast, I didn't have enough time to react as it went into the trees.
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Now this is a DJI drone, so it has sensors to try and keep distance from objects automatically. The drone kept getting stuck in branches, getting itself out of them, only to fly right into another branch. All while this is going on, the whole wedding reception is gasping and moaning because I was so close to flying it out of the trees.
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All of a sudden, it flips over sideways and that was it, sploosh. Into the water below. Yeah, there was a river. Forgot to mention that. The drone had tumbled through the branches, bouncing off each one, just barely slipping out of their clutches, only to meet its ultimate demise into the depths of the river. This was quite the spectacle for everyone at the reception, but it gets worse.
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As people were coming up to me and sharing their condolences, a few mentioned the same crazy idea. You gotta go into the water and retrieve it. Okay. Sir, do not jump in the water. We have someone on their way to help fish your drone out of the water.
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You see, the wedding was at a private park and apparently some of the staff had caught on that I was about to jump into the river, which apparently was off limits. Of course, they waited until I had stripped down to tell me someone was on their way. So here I stand pretty much naked in front of the whole reception. Everyone is just staring at me dead quiet.
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All of a sudden, my grandma starts laughing and runs to me asking someone to take a picture of us. with me still in my underwear. This was quite the hit as everyone found themselves waiting to come up and take pictures with me. Shame, embarrassment, sorrow.
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I'm not sure which emotion I felt more, but I had accepted my fate at this point and had no other choice than to stand there while everyone laughed and took pictures of me as I was cold and vulnerable. Oof. We have video.
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And here's some photos of him in his underwear.
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You're like, what's the build of a drone pilot? It's that.
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This guy was so excited to write this tale out.
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I love when there's proof that this is a real story. Also, this is written The way it's written, you're like, this is real.
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And he has the footage. The footage is there.
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People love their drones. And it's fine.
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People love their drones. I remember one time. A previous apartment that I was living in, it was an apartment building, as they are. But I was on like the third or fourth floor of this apartment building. And one day I'm outside on my balcony and I see this drone flying around. And I see it flying far away, like out of the distance of my sight. And I'm like, whoa, look at that, that's crazy.
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And it's flying all over the place. And all of a sudden it comes right back to like my balcony. And I see it just go into someone's window. And then they shut their window. And I was like, that's crazy.
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It's like, we have been spotted.
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Handsome guy alert. I'm like, oh no, it's hunting handsome men.
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Some comments. They definitely won't let you forget this, so you might as well try and own it. Someone else said, we can pinpoint a moment in any Today I Fucked Up where a vital error was made. For you, it was this. I juggled the idea around in my head for a few minutes before I realized I had already lost my drone. Can't get any worse from here.
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Lastly, someone said, at least you didn't hit the bride with it. That's true.
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Hi. Thank you both for being here.
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Our next story, am I the asshole and also another am I the devil?
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Here we go. Am I the asshole for making it clear how I'm not entirely happy at my best friend's wedding during my maid of honor speech? Ah. Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah. Yeah, you are. You had to ask the internet this question.
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You are. Oh no, but okay, but oh no, let's listen. Huh?
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All right. On Saturday, my childhood best friend got married. Her husband is very lovely and he takes care of her. They've been together for seven years and I've known him pretty well through my friendship with my best friend. But after they got serious, things changed. Our friendship changed. And yeah, a lot of you will say this is natural and priorities change and I agree.
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My take on weddings at this stage, after all these stories we've read and all the stories I've heard from people I know, is that in your family, whatever traits that you know certain family members to have, they're gonna have the most of that during the wedding. Like if someone's anxious, you're gonna see them at their most anxious. If someone's jealous, they're gonna be at their most jealous.
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I agree that things can not always be the same and how her priority now is her husband and the family she'll create with him. But still, I feel completely mad about it. I know I should respect her and move on with my life, but I have to also make peace with the fact that this change does not make me feel well. I was her maid of honor, a great honor indeed.
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The entire time of the ceremony, I was sobbing, not because I felt touched, but because I mourned our friendship. That day was the day that my hopes of things returning back to what they used to be were gone. Everyone thought it was cute and how touched and happy I was, but I was not. But I couldn't say it out loud.
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I had a maid of honor speech ready, but all of it was just a lie, so I decided to scrap my actual maid of honor speech and speak honestly. I said that I don't want to lie, I want to be honest, but I'm not happy. I'm not happy that this person she married is the reason our friendship changed. I'm not happy on this day.
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I just pretended the whole day out of her sake but it would be a shame for me to get up there and lie about how happy and excited I am. I said I'm not happy but regardless I have to suck it up and congratulate the happy couple. There was awkward silence for two to three minutes after my speech. My BFF was whispering something with her new husband. The entire night, my BFF ignored me.
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I asked to speak to her and she angrily told me how it's not the right time. Many guests gave me judgy looks. It had been two days and my BFF hadn't texted or called me and also ignored my texts and calls. During that time, many of our common friends said that what I did was very selfish and that masking selfishness as honesty is not an excuse to make things awkward at the wedding.
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My BFF contacted me two days after and only asked me if my purpose was to ruin the mood of her wedding. I said no, the purpose was to be honest. She said I'm trying to play the victim and how she can't believe I haven't even shown a bit of remorse about what I said. I said I can't apologize for being honest. She said many people believe I'm the asshole, including her.
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Her husband now feels uncomfortable about me. Am I the asshole?
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Slow vibes. It's also, what do you... What do you want? Slow vibes. Slow vibes. It's also, I mean, I think my thought for so many situations is what do you want to happen, right? Right. Do you want your friendship to be back? Because this is a guaranteed way to make sure it never comes back.
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It just seems to elevate every aspect of a human being to another degree. Anyways, our first story, it was on Am I the Asshole? And also got reposted onto Am I the Devil? Always, always fun when that happens. We love it. Here we go. Am I the asshole for changing the wedding venue my fiance chose to something more flashy as a surprise? Okay. I...
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But she is admitting here that she's just not happy for her friend. I just think she was only thinking about what her friend can give her. She's like, oh, our friendship is gone.
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But it's also getting blamed on marriage when it's also that they've gotten older. And as you get older, typically life piles on more layers of things that cause you to drift apart. Because, I mean, at this age, in my 30s, I know people who are in relationships, who are married, who are single. And I think that happens regardless of your situation.
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There's just so many things that happen in life as you get older that it's not as easy to just be like, oh, we're hanging out every week.
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I just think the way that you go about this doesn't have to also be, even if she got coffee with her and told her this in this manner, I still think I would view it as kind of being, I don't know if it's like an asshole thing as much as it's more like you're screwing yourself over, right?
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Present this to her, I mean, sooner than, don't let it get to this point if it's so important to you, but present it to her of like, hey, like, I feel like we don't hang out as much anymore. I'd love to hang out more. Present it in a fun way. Present it like, but.
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I know, I'm now questioning of like, is this a friend where she made her maid of honor, but is that because if she didn't, too intense. It reads to me a little bit of like, maybe she is drifting away from you because it's not, she's not feeling like you're actually there for her. She proved here that she's not her friend.
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It's so frustrating though how often people use being honest as an excuse to just be selfish.
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Horrible. Comments, you're the asshole. That was a personal conversation and you made it public. I would cut you out of my life if I were the bride. Damn. Someone else said, you're the asshole. It's your best friend's wedding day and you're trying to make it all about yourself. How much more egotistic and selfish can one be?
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It's not the time or the place to be honest about your feelings on the friendship. If you felt like you couldn't do the job of being a happy and supportive maid of honor, you should have just declined the role from the very beginning. You owe your friend an apology, although I don't think she'd want to be your friend anymore at this point. OP responded to another comment.
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She said, Someone said to that, And it's okay for you to both feel that way and express them, but at an appropriate time. Obviously, this wasn't it. Also, I don't care if their trip is in July. The time immediately after a wedding is a honeymoon period. You should apologize because it's the right thing to do. But you shouldn't expect her to ever talk to you again.
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OP also commented underneath all of this saying, I've been in therapy. I still am. My therapist said it's about my codependency issues and how I should make peace. with my feelings, so it will be easier to move on, and how sucking it up won't help. I did this because I thought it would help me move on more easily, and honestly, I didn't think it'd cause that much backlash.
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I didn't consider it, to be honest, which might be a wrong call. Oh, so it was about you. She's like, oh, this is about me moving on. It's like, cool, man.
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I really question what's actually being said between her and her therapist.
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I, a 25-year-old man, am marrying 24-year-old woman this coming October. We both have very large families, but hers is really poor and kind of traditional. As a result, my fiance has been taught to always go for the cheapest option throughout her life, whether we are going out to eat or buying clothes or going on holiday.
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You know there was some 95-year-old there being like, who, who, who's that? Like he forgot about it by the end of the night.
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He's like, was that the bride?
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I don't think there's gonna be an update on that one.
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Update, guys, I apologize and I'm really sorry and everything's okay.
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All right, this next title is interesting.
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Am I the asshole for refusing to leave a wedding because I wore a dress that looks white under a black light? Where are we? Crime scene wedding.
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A few months ago I attended a close friend's wedding with my husband. I wore a yellow dress. Think like Belle in Beauty and the Beast yellow. Bumblebee yellow. So yellow that I did not question if it was appropriate or not to wear to a wedding and neither did my friends nor family. All right.
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A member of the wedding party approached me while the black lights were on and stated that I needed to leave because my dress was white and inappropriate. I stated that the dress was yellow but the black lights were making it appear white. The member of the wedding party stated that if I didn't leave, she would make me. The groom shrugged and continued to dance. Of course. Duh.
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The groom was drunk. The next morning, I was approached by a different friend at breakfast, not in the wedding party, who stated that they heard what happened and that I should have left when asked because it made people uncomfortable and that I made it about me partying rather than respecting wedding etiquette. I have felt incredibly embarrassed about this since.
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So am I the asshole for not leaving the wedding when asked? Edit here, also the most controversial thing seemed to be the blacklight dance party at this wedding. It was the last hour or so and was just a way to have fun. It was not as weird or as tacky as people are making it out to be. Here's a photo of the dress.
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Well, we've been planning the wedding, and the choice of venue was typical for her, a small local church where she was christened. Right off the bat, the place isn't suitable for the number of guests who will be invited, and I knew she only chose that location because of money, which is not an issue. I spoke to my father, and he agreed to fund a wedding abroad in Venice. Wow.
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I think to a certain degree, being offended on someone else's behalf is controlling behavior. Yeah.
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That's what I'm kind of thinking. It's like, you think this person showed up with a white wedding dress at the end of the night in the last hour?
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Yeah, like I said also, last hour of the reception.
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Nobody's coherent in the last hour.
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Yeah, you know, most of the wedding day, there's memories, it's all heartfelt. The last hour of any wedding is basically... It's blackout time. It's Vegas.
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Nobody's gonna remember what happens there.
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If great grandpa's still there, he is dead.
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Also, black lights at a wedding just sounds funny to me.
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Yeah, what the hell is going on?
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Yeah, she's a vampire. She's got to go. Get her out. Verdict was not the asshole. Yeah. Yeah, she didn't do anything wrong. This was clearly a drunk, overprotective bridal party person. Or just, I don't know who it was, but somebody there was overprotective. Comments, not the asshole. Who checks their attire under black lights to see if it passes? Ridiculousness. Rob Dyrdek.
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I understand if it appeared white under normal lights. Ew, don't! They wrote, you can't write ridiculousness.
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No, you just say ridiculous. You don't say ridiculousness.
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I understand if it appeared white under normal lights, but come on, this was an unusual situation at the end of the reception. You are fine, and whomever approached you was completely and utterly out of line. Some people have nothing better to do than look for problems that don't exist. That had 32,000 upvotes.
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That person didn't pay attention or see her for the whole night until then.
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Someone else commented if the bride didn't have a problem then no one needs to chime in with their opinion The groom shrugged and moved on this guest was anal Someone else said not the asshole yellow is not white and unless they specifically told people not to wear anything that appears white under blacklight then it's on them. Info, because I'm nosy, has the bride or groom said anything to you?
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In my opinion, if they are okay, then I don't get the friends causing issues. OP said, no, I've seen them since and neither of them said anything about it. I'm trying to take a generous view and say the bridesmaid was just being protective and doing what she thought was right.
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Give us an update or else I think this is fake.
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Our next story, it's another Today I Fucked Up.
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Okay. Today I fucked up by accidentally having sex with my cousin at a family wedding.
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I went to my Lannister wedding. So this happened about 18 months ago, and this is from a few years ago. This is the olden times.
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Oh yeah, of course. The before times.
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So this happened about 18 months ago, or somewhere in the vicinity of 18 to 20 months. I still get flack from both family and friends. So the setting, my uncle's wedding, it's around autumn, and my uncle by my mother's side from an exceptionally large family. This is relevant. is getting married for the second time. Now my family is very large.
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Well, she didn't take it well and said I was a massive asshole and that she had much preferred the church venue. She said it was too embarrassing to cancel it now that I've told people, but seems really mad. I'm confused since that venue was never practical and I'm wondering if I'm the asshole here or if she's overreacting.
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My mother has three brothers and five sisters, all with children of their own, and some even with children of their own now. The wedding isn't what I would describe as large, pretty much encompassing just family and close friends. All in all, there can't be more than 50 or 60 people there, and around 60%, at a rough estimate or so, are related by blood to me.
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They make up the majority, is what I'm trying to say, and many are spread over whom I have only briefly met, or in some cases, never met. Well, you can see where this is going. For reference, I would be around mid-17 in this story, with the age of consent in my country, UK, being 16. The girl, who we shall call Isla, was 22 or 23. Okay. She's clearly older than me, but I thought maybe 19 or 20.
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Anyway, we start dancing, touching, etc. She twerks on me a little, I grind a bit, and I presume nobody noticed due to accumulated intoxication and crowdedness around where we were. One thing leads to another, we start kissing, and she asks me if I want to go upstairs, which I correctly take to mean her room in the hotel.
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I, of course, being a hormonal teenage boy, still am, jumped at the opportunity and said yes. I should say this wasn't my first time or anything, and by this point, I carried condoms around in my wallet when I went out and knew I would be drinking. So we proceed to discreetly, or so I think, take our leave.
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Both drunk, obviously, but not to the point of not being in control of our actions or stumbling around slash blackout. etc. I get to her room, a bit of excited talk, and clothes come off. All is going well. Now, I should say that all this time, I'm assuming this girl is a relative or perhaps friend of the bride. Oh boy, I was in for a shock.
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As we were cleaning up, so to speak, we began a little small talk when before had mostly just been purely sexual. She eventually asks how I know the bride. Let us call her Emma. I stop, thunderstruck. The realization slowly creeped up on me and oh, the horror. I laugh it off, hoping in vain she is joking, and state I am the son of, insert mother's name.
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The shock is palpable on who I then realized as my cousin's face as she was putting her bra back on. She sort of freaks out and says she is the estranged daughter of one of my uncles who's had a troubled life whom she had very recently reconnected with. I did not know this. We essentially collectively let out a fuck. Ew.
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From there, we got dressed quickly and decided never to reveal this major cock up to a soul and hope to God we had not been noticed. Alas, we decided it would be best if she were to leave first and that I would follow around five to ten minutes later.
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Well, I do, she leaves first, and I just kind of stand around in the hallway on my phone freaking out for a short while until I decide enough time has passed to erode suspicion.
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Well, the first thing I see when I get down is the look of pure disappointment on my mother's face, the stupid fucking grin on my father's, and half my cousin's faces and my sister looking in disgust as though she was watching a particularly repulsive sea slug. One of my cousins, whom I am...
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One of my cousins, who I am close to, pats me on the back, shaking his head, and laughing his absolute head off. I know I am defeated then, and quietly take a seat, expecting the utter bollocking I will later receive from my family. My elderly 90-year-old grandmother was there for fuck's sake, and word was not quiet.
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I didn't see Isla or her father again at the reception, and later found out she told him, and he took her home, not to the hotel she had booked by way of taxi. So yeah, I accidentally took part in Protected, thank God. It is brought up at every, and I mean every family gathering.
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A couple of my cousins have taken to playing Sweet Home Alabama and asking when the next date is whenever I enter the room. After soberly explaining to my parents it was an accident and I fully believed she was not a relative, like they should have questioned it, they were okayish with it, but still disappointed and annoyed a little.
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My father asked me how I'd failed to notice Isla, apparently, sat literally in the row behind us, and I had no answer. Gotta work on my observation skills, I guess. Not only do my family still tease me, but my friends found out from my sister within days, and I've been relentlessly teased by them at most social gatherings since.
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You can imagine how many cousins slash incest slash Alabama jokes daily. I am ashamed to this day, even more so because she is an objectively attractive woman.
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As one might imagine, the limited interactions we've had since have been extremely strained and awkward, not helped by my dickhead cousins. There is another big family wedding coming up this summer, and since the announcement, the incident, as it's come to be known, has been all that's been discussed within my hearing." Okay.
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So this guy establishes that 60% of the people there, so more than half, are going to be his relatives. And he's talked about there are plenty of relatives he's never met.
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And he still took that gamble.
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Yeah, man. I asked that question earlier on.
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Of course I feel bad for him.
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I feel bad that his whole family's not letting him let this go. I'm surprised they went, you know, I'm surprised in the UK they went for Alabama jokes and didn't go for Game of Thrones jokes, you know?
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Come on. The Lannisters hadn't been doing their work for years by that point. Yeah, they had. We apparently only have one comment to read because a lot of the comments under this were apparently really weird.
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It got all Reddit under there.
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Got all Reddit under there. Got a little Reddit under there. Put a cock up. A major cock up.
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Major cock up. Someone said, hey, you just experienced something that I can guarantee most people have thought about. We all have that one cousin who we wish we weren't related to. Someone commented under that going, do we?
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Do we, though? I imagine this story brought out a lot of the trenches of the internet.
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Our final story. This comes from Relationship Advice and Best of Redditor Updates.
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Yeah, I mean, absolutely, it has to be a decision together because you take that agency away from her, and it's so disrespectful, and now it's like, okay, is this your wedding? Is it my wedding? Whose wedding is it?
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Future mother-in-law, who's 54, called me, a 23-year-old woman, stupid, and now I'm considering calling off the wedding. How do I approach the situation? I, a 23 year old woman, am engaged to John, who's a 24 year old man. We have been together for five years. We want to get married in July of 2025. I always thought that his family liked me because we get along well.
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He has two older brothers, 26 and 29, both married. Honestly, I was very excited to have them all as my in-laws. They were always kind to me. Some kind of important information. About a year ago, when I was scrolling on Instagram, I saw a profile that was kind of cringy, but in a cute way. It was an older woman's profile who shared inspirational quotes.
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I remember one particular post, and it was something along the lines of, only stupid people pretend to know everything. Don't pretend, just ask. Honestly, this quote changed me in a lot of ways. Before that, I was always worried that I might embarrass myself if I didn't know something
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And after reading that quote, I realized that if I always pretend that I know everything, then I'll miss out on actually getting to learn about things. So I decided to change my habits and start admitting that sometimes I genuinely don't know. Someone is talking about the war in Kosovo? Okay, sure, but first let me ask some questions so I can really understand what we're talking about.
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And I ask a lot of questions sometimes. I sometimes even open the notes app and write in some questions that I later want to find answers to. These are my latest. How does time work in a black hole? Why do some snails have shells and others don't? What food is okay for ducks? How does the light bulb work? The old ones with gas inside them.
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Does everyone see colors the same and how can we know that? Sorry for the long introduction, but it was kind of necessary for understanding what kind of person I am. I know that sometimes I might come across as annoying. Now, on to the problem. His parents hosted a small barbecue last weekend only for the family. So it was the mom, 54, dad, 59, brothers, 26, 29, and their wives, 27, 27.
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I was the last person who showed up because I had to work late. I entered the house, and when I was walking towards the back of the house into the backyard... I heard John's mom talking about me. To be honest, she wasn't talking about me, more like mocking me. I heard her say in a high pitched voice, how does the sun work? Where should I put the fork? Why does nobody like me? How do I wipe my ass?
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I just stood there. I had this sinking feeling. I couldn't move, so I just stood there. And I heard them all laughing. One of the wives said, I actually don't mind her always asking questions. I think it's cute. And it made me feel hopeful that they will say something like, yeah, sure, we're just playing. We love that. But none of them did. Instead, the mom replied, it's not cute.
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She's just stupid. After that, they laughed again. I heard John laughing. My heart kind of broke at that moment because he didn't even say one positive thing. He didn't defend me, he just laughed. I quietly turned around and left the house. I texted John that I got sick and had to stay home. Now I'm wondering how I should approach this situation.
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We live together and I sleep in the guest bedroom for now and I use the excuse that I don't want him to get sick from being around me. I can't ignore him forever and I can't pretend to be sick anymore because it's been too long. I'm not sure how to proceed. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding. I'm considering talking to them about this, but I'm also worried that they won't be honest with me.
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Now I feel like I'm just going crazy. I would really appreciate some advice.
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If she stepped in, she goes, I've got a question. Why are you all such fucking assholes?
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What does it take in one's life to become such a goddamn bastard?
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That, to me, frankly, the stupidest people in the world think they're geniuses, right?
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And, I mean, they will make it clear. Like, they have the answers to everything. You see it on the internet, right? Like, some event happens, and there's a million people you scroll who just have all the answers. And you can tell they don't.
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It's just, well, it's just, that's a sign of stupidity is you going, oh, yeah, this makes sense to me, so I've got it figured out. Right. What she, she's actually showing a sign of intelligence of recognizing, oh, I recognize that I don't have the answers. Yeah. And there's curiosity there. Right. And a desire for knowledge. That, to me, is intelligence. Right.
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Also, her questions she has in her notes app Some of these are very intelligent questions. It's not like, oh, I've got this stupid question. How does time work in a black hole? I want anyone to try to answer that. Ask that to the family.
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Stupid is such a mean thing to say about someone.
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And now you're also adding the fact that they're saying it behind her back and the fact that her fiance is included in it is devastating. I really hated that. It's not a matter of like what we think she should do. What would you do in this situation?
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You know what's extra hurtful is that the sister kind of stood up for her a little bit.
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It was one of the, yeah, it was one of the sister-in-laws was like, oh, you know, I think it's cute. It's like, so that almost I think makes it harder that her fiance didn't defend her when one of the siblings already was kind of, Right. Because it's not like, oh, all of them were ganging up. It's like, it wasn't... You could have been like, no, I agree with her. It's cute.
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If she doesn't talk to him, that relationship's over. It might already be. Update!
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Here we go. First of all, I wanted to say thank you to people who reached out to answer my questions about black holes, snails, ducks, light bulbs, and other stuff. I would love to have you as my friends. For the other people who said I should just shut up, I don't really care if you find me annoying or hard to be around. I'm okay with that. I don't exist to please everyone.
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I'm just here for a good time. have my own interests and learn. I didn't expect my post to gain so much attention, but I'm so grateful for the advice. Most of you told me to break up with him and at the very least confront him. So that's what I decided to do. You gave me a push and confidence to do it.
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But before I did that, I texted the wife of John's brother, the one who said she liked me asking questions. I asked if we can meet up for coffee. She said, sure. We met and I didn't see the point in pretending to her that I didn't hear their conversation. So after some small talk, I just said, I heard you all talking about me during the barbecue.
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She immediately got sad and said she felt embarrassed. She explained that it wasn't a joke, wasn't out of context, that it was just mean and hurtful. She said she's sorry for not defending me more, but I said that's okay and I understand. I told her that I don't blame her for anything and just wanted to make sure that I understood the situation and see it for what it really was.
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And it really was laughing at me behind my back, just bullying. At this point, I just had to confront John. In my last post, so many comments were saying that he will probably try gaslighting me, and you were right. We were having dinner together for the first time since the barbecue happened because before I tried my best to avoid him.
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Yes, I know, not very mature of me, but other than you guys, I don't really have a strong support system. My family and best friends are hundreds of kilometers away. I only have two good friends here. I was so stressed I thought I'm going to pass out. My legs were shaking and I was terrified because I knew deep down that this is the moment when my five-year relationship goes down the drain.
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I said I was there and I heard him. After the initial shock passed, he got mad. He said it's rude to eavesdrop. I said it's rude to bully people. He tried telling me that it was just a joke, that it really was funny. I said that I didn't find it funny and went to the guest room to calm down. He started panicking. He was asking me to please talk to him.
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He was much more apologetic and said that he will be 100% honest with me. Thank you. The apartment has his name on the lease anyway. After I gathered some of my things and left, he kept texting me nonstop. He tried calling, but I didn't respond. I was very hurt because he tried to belittle my feelings, and only later, when he realized that I might break up with him, started apologizing.
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The next day, I decided to give him another chance to explain himself and I came back to the apartment. He seemed very sad and tired. He said that he told his mother that I overheard them. I said, I don't care. It's his time to step up and show me that he cares. I'm not interested in an apology from his mother. I'm already done with her.
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I can't put up with this behavior and mocking me like we're in primary school. I saw a comment saying that probably her ego is hurting. I think it's true. She never got the chance or never had the desire to have an education. She is a very good homemaker, but outside of that, she doesn't have many interests of her own.
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If I ask her about making tomato soup, she'll be talking for 30 minutes lecturing me about adding enough sugar, but not too much. She will lecture anyone who is willing to listen. But anytime someone is talking about something she's not familiar with, she gets defensive and tries to imply that nobody cares about that. And if it's not relevant to her, it shouldn't be discussed.
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Once again, he tried telling me that I should relax because it was only a joke and at this point I had enough. I took off my ring and told him that this behavior is a joke and I can't be the punchline. I told him that I wish him and his family the best and to look in the mirror to check if they really are as superior as they think they are.
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I said I'm going to be back with my friends soon to pick up the rest of my stuff and to not contact me again unless it's about moving my things out. Sorry. And that's it. I'm done. Thank you all for the advice. Without you, I wouldn't have the confidence to leave this man. I know I deserve better. I can't be with someone who can't stand up for me.
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And I wouldn't be able to feel comfortable around his family. So I'm done with the relationship. I hope they will treat his next girlfriend better. Thank you again, Reddit, for advice.
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Yeah, she sounds very smart. I get very frustrated. We sum up intelligence as like memorized knowledge.
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But there's, you know, theories of like multiple intelligences. There's many different kinds. You might know someone who doesn't have a lot of knowledge memorized, but they might be extremely emotionally intelligent.
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There's a bunch of different kinds. You know, even memory has been proven to be like a muscle that if you work, you can get really good at it and memorize a lot more than you knew like a year before. So it's all fluid. But props to her, man, she really is, she does actually seem extremely smart.
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Because weddings have a lot of identity to them. It's like, oh, this is about us and our story and what's important to us. And now, when you don't clue a person in on their own wedding...
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Her understanding of other people is far greater than this family's understanding of other people.
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It's been some time since I posted the last time, so I thought I'm gonna give you guys a small update because some people still keep messaging me. I appreciate all the kind words. So I got my own apartment now. I lived with my friend for a while and she was an amazing support for me after the breakup, but now I have my own place closer to my university and work.
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Turns out my ex-fiance didn't tell his family that we broke up. I blocked them all except for the ex because we needed to keep in touch in order to get my stuff from the apartment that we shared. And nice sister-in-law, and a week after the breakup, she texted me and asked when I will come to the parents' house because everyone wants to apologize.
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I called her and said that we're no longer together and I don't really want their apology. She seemed shocked because my ex was telling them that we're fine, she just needs some time. Ugh! Ex-sister-in-law told me that the family is still fighting over this whole ordeal and that the brothers are giving my ex a hard time about the situation. I told her nicely that I don't really want any updates.
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I like her, but I cannot put my energy towards following their every move. She told me she understands. I don't know what happened after that with them. I'm happy. I went on a date with a cute guy I met in a cafe, but I'm taking everything slow and I don't want to rush any relationship.
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I'm not ready because just three months ago I was planning a wedding and right now I'm single and focusing on studying and work. When I graduate, I want to adopt a kitten and that's my only goal in terms of any big commitment right now. I also enrolled in CS50 by HarvardX and I recommend you all try and learn something new today. If you have any questions, then feel free and ask.
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I will try to answer in the comments. Oh.
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She puts my hair in an umbrella. Yeah, and the drone goes into the tree. And the drone goes into the tree and the naked guy goes, I gotta get it.
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Do you think in the cafe, she was talking to this, like bumped into this guy and he was just like, how do they make coffee beans?
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He was like, what do ducks eat?
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He was like, you lost me on that one.
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That's what they say. They say that people who are funny are the smartest people.
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Well, thank you both. Thank you both for being here. This has been a blast. And thank you all for watching. And remember, March 8th, we'll be doing Smosh Reads Reddit Stories Live. Get your tickets at live.smosh.com and join us. It's going to be a great time.
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But we'll also see you next Saturday.
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The verdict is asshole and it seems like the reception from the comments is very much, yeah, you're being super disrespectful towards her and it is really disrespectful. Even if the initial thought is nice of like, oh, I wanna do this thing for you, it still just comes across as if he's not taking her opinions and decisions that seriously.
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So the verdict was asshole. Some comments. Someone said, you're the asshole. You gave her no say in any of it. Picked a venue, picked a different country, scheduled for a date, made the guest list, choose the invitations. Maybe she chose the church because of personal meaning. Maybe she chose it because it was cheaper. The wedding should be planned by both of you, which means...
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If you didn't like the venue, it's fine to say no. Try to find a venue you are both okay with, something bigger, more options, but still relatively local. Did you even confirm that her closest family would be able to make it? Even if your dad pays for all travel expenses, not everyone can afford to take off work or can travel that far. She'd probably enjoy it a lot more as a honeymoon.
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And if you have such vastly differing opinions about money, There are major conversations you need to have in general before marriage, which hopefully doesn't happen because she deserves someone who respects her. Do you live together? How are bills paid?
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Guys, we have some really exciting news. On March 8th, we'll be doing Smosh Reads Reddit Stories live at the Dynasty Typewriter Theater, but we'll be live streaming it, and you can buy tickets for March 8th to watch it. It'll be our 100th episode.
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And apparently that comment was abbreviated too. Wow. They went ham on them. Damn.
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But that is a good point of like, how are other people going to get there? A destination wedding is a big deal.
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Yeah. So that is something to consider.
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Someone else said, you're the asshole. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. You operated completely behind her back, then revealed it once it was a fait accompli. That's French for an accomplished fact. They could have written that.
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Ham on them. How can you be confused about her reaction? You think you sent the message, he's willing to get his parents to do extravagant things for us, or if you didn't tell her it's daddy's money, he's willing to spend so much to give me nice things. The message you actually sent is, he does not give one benighted fuck about my feelings and desires.
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He's always going to be making huge decisions behind my back. You'll be lucky if she doesn't call it off. Lastly someone said, I knew the money spent would make her anxious and she always dreamed of visiting Venice. So why didn't you just plan to honeymoon there?
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It's very true, like he clearly doesn't know her because her reaction was an extreme opposite of what he thought it was gonna be. And so that means like, oh, you're way off on what her values are. You don't understand her.
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Like, he made the decision to basically plan a whole new wedding behind her back.
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It's gonna be really cool, so if you wanna get over there and get your pancakes out, it's gonna be a lovely time.
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We're going to the White Lands.
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Our next story, this also comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for refusing to attend my sister's wedding after what she did to my fiance?
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I was like, I'm gonna stop. Kissed him and fucked him.
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So good. So this is a 28-year-old woman. So my sister, Ella, who's 31, is getting married in two weeks. We've always been close, even though we have our differences. I've always been more of a laid-back, introverted person, while Ella is the life of the party and loves being the center of attention. It never bothered me much until now.
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I've been engaged to my fiance, Mark, who's 29, for about a year. He's wonderful, kind, supportive, and just an all-around great guy. My family has always liked him, or so I thought, but about a month ago, something happened that made me question everything. Ella asked Mark to meet her for coffee one day, saying she needed help picking out a wedding gift for me.
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I didn't think much of it at the time, but when Mark came home, he was really quiet. After some coaxing, he finally told me what happened. Apparently, Ella spent the entire time trying to convince him that I wasn't right for him. She told him I was too boring, that I wasn't ambitious enough, and that he could do better.
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She even went so far as to suggest that he could call off the engagement and see other people. Mark was completely blindsided and upset. He said he defended me, but it was clear that Ella was relentless. Okay, Sheena. Sorry. She said, They're begging me to still attend the wedding.
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Pancakes at a theater is pretty intense.
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They think that missing it would cause a huge rift in the family and that I should just let it go for the sake of peace. But I don't know if I can. Every time I think about what she did, it makes my blood boil. I feel betrayed and hurt, and I don't know if I can just pretend everything is fine for her big day. Mark supports whatever decision I make, but I can tell he's hurt by this too.
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So am I the asshole for refusing to go to my sister's wedding after what she did to my fiancee?
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But if you do buy tickets and watch the live stream of it, you can make yourself pancakes and take a photo of yourself eating pancakes while watching it.
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Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme, updates. Yeah, it's a good one. And before we get into these stories, I have an update for you. Later today, we have our 100th episode, our live show, and you can get tickets at live.smosh.com. It's gonna be at 4 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. Get your tickets, check it out.
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I took it as a challenge and slowly learned to enjoy it, but now I feel like the minimum isn't enough because I'm handling so many projects and my tasks have leveled up a lot. Today, I finally got the guts to message my boss to ask if a raise was possible. I was polite, just asking if it could be considered and explaining why I felt I deserved it.
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She just ha ha reacted and even sent a heart eyes emoji. I don't know if it was sarcastic, but I was just asking a simple yes or no question. I didn't even mention a specific amount. Now I feel like I'm being treated like shit. As much as I want to leave immediately, I still need the money, but this really motivated me to start looking for another job as soon as possible.
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Okay, according to one user, 13,000 in the Philippine peso is close to 224 American dollars.
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So she texts her boss going, hey, can I get a raise? Would a raise be possible? And the boss texts back, ha ha, heart eyes emoji.
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You have the answers. Let's read these comments first. Your boss is deflecting the conversation at hand. 13K, as you're already aware, is too low, especially as a starting salary. Immediately drop your job as your priority in life and prioritize getting a job that knows your worth. Someone else said save up while planning your exit strategy. Don't make it obvious.
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All right. Let's get into our first story, shall we? Yes. This one comes from Relationship Advice and also best of editor updates. Ex-boyfriend and I were van-lifing across country. He kicked me and all my stuff out last week. I am now two states away and have his dad's watch. He's demanding I deliver it to him. Oh my god. Okay. There's a lot to unpack there.
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Lastly, this is translated from Filipino, those who work at McDonald's are paid even more. Okay, so I wanted to get a baseline of like, what is this? And so it sounds like this person's really getting screwed. They're making payroll systems. They are learning whole lines of code. They are having to teach themselves new skills. They're not being compensated for that.
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They're being absolutely used here and disrespected by their boss. And at the very least, it might have been an accidental text, but the boss should have followed up by being like, sorry, that was an accident. Let me consider your proposal.
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It's very real. It's very rough. Okay, update from two days later. Thank you for the advice and for giving me a reality check. Here's an update on my story. I waited two days for a proper response, but I guess that was her response. Regardless, I had already planned to resign and was just looking for another job to transition into.
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Just a day after posting this, I was able to quickly land an international client from OLJ. OLJ is an open resume and job posting board, who is paying me four times my monthly salary. So it was monthly. It was a monthly salary. Still. The task seems easier than my usual work, at least in theory, but I still have some concerns since the tools are new to me and different from what I am used to.
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However, I believe we grow the most from challenges that scare us, and stepping out of our comfort zone is where real learning happens. So thanks for motivating me to apply, ha ha. I immediately submitted my resignation. My boss later replied, apologizing for the late response and saying she was actually considering my request.
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She could have mentioned that when I first asked instead of just reacting with a ha ha and an emoji though, lol. She then asked if I could at least work reduced hours as many of their clients had started with me. That made me smile because suddenly she saw my worth. Yet, when I initially asked for a raise, it seemed like I was not even worth a simple reply.
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Not even a two or three letter response like yes or no. Unfortunately, I did not do what some of you suggested. Ha ha reacting to her message or replying with just an emoji instead. I told her that I had already made up my mind and kept it polite because I did not want to burn any bridges, as I still appreciate the experience I gained from the company.
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Thank you all for helping me realize my worth. I have learned my lesson and will never go through that again. Very nice. That's very heartfelt.
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Yeah, I like what Spencer said of like, you know, when you go all Reddit on them. Yeah. And it's true, it's like you see some comments like living out the fantasy. And it's like I respect what she's doing where she's like I'm leaving, I'm screwed. They're screwed over on like a real level. I can just walk away and not have any sort of like.
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So yeah, like the title says, we were both remote workers and decided that we could van life and see things while still working. We lasted about a month and last week he flipped out over the way I sipped my coffee and told me I had to leave. I thought he meant like we would pack up and figure out how to get me home.
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I agree. Not that the person doesn't deserve it. No. It's just a matter of being strategic.
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They're still a student Because they're always learning. Oh, yeah, dude. Hi, I did and everyone clapped The sex story comes from relationship advice and also best of editor updates, okay?
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This is a 24-year-old woman. My boyfriend, who's 30, keeps disappearing into the bathroom for an hour or more with a stick of butter, and the butter is gone when he finally comes out.
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I don't, I haven't seen this in probably over a decade, but like there used to be like magazines in bathrooms. Sure does, yeah. And it's like, I'm like, people really sat and like read magazines. Well, you didn't have a phone. Right, before phones. Right. You're just like chilling in there. Yeah. Reader's Digest. Is that where it's from? That's why it's called that. Stop. No way. No.
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No, he meant I needed to get out with all my shit in the middle of a state park in New Mexico and figure it out. I was scared and pissed so I hurriedly packed everything and got out. A very nice older couple had heard the screaming and saw me with a pile of my stuff and asked if I needed help.
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There's no way. It's Reader's Digest because it's from the bathroom? I believe so. That's such bull. Emily, if that's not true, then you need to go on TikTok and lie and spread that lie everywhere.
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Emily, I love how often that happens to all of us.
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Yeah, to everyone watching and listening, let's spread a huge lie.
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And it's like when they're in the elevator in Severance. I watched her entire perspective on life shift. That's an easy one to hold for a long time because when do we think about Reader's Digest? Never. Never. All right, let's get into this story. Yeah, let's see if this can stop, if this can top our reader's digest. Before we get into this, what's happening with the butter?
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I don't remember what happened. Oh, okay. I was like, the store, the boyfriend is going into the bathroom with a stick of butter. He's in there for an hour or two and comes out with no butter.
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Yeah. Somehow that's the most innocent option here.
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I said yes and they said they would drive me to Albuquerque in their RV and we could figure out what would happen next. Uh... Well, it turns out in the hurry of packing, I grabbed my ex's watch. That was his dad's. I got in touch with him and told him I was sorry. It was truly an accident and I had no intention of keeping it. How would he like me to get it to him?
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I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and we finally moved in together. Ever since we moved in, I have seen a new side of him. It's a very odd issue and I can't wrap my head around what to do. At first I started to notice butter was disappearing quickly. I assume maybe I lost track of how much we had or maybe he was cooking when I wasn't around, I don't know.
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But one night a few weeks ago, I saw him try to stealthily take a stick of butter from the fridge, which I pretended not to notice, and he took the butter with him into the bathroom. Now, I have noticed my boyfriend spending an hour or more of time in the bathroom since we moved in, but I never saw him take the butter before. I was so confused.
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When he came out of the bathroom about an hour later, I saw no sign of the butter, but I also saw he did not put the butter back in the fridge. It was gone. I tried to subtly keep an eye on him, and over a week, he did this three separate times, and each time a stick of butter disappeared. Finally, I said one day, where did all of our butter go? I hardly used any this week, and it's gone.
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He pretended to not know and said maybe we had forgotten to buy it. I said, no, we had four sticks before. Now they are gone. He just acted like it was a mystery and said, guess we should order up some groceries.
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I'm so mad that I know that. And do you know that Reader's Digest? Yeah. By now, I was getting very confused, so I ordered groceries and made a point of saying, good to finally have four sticks of butter. This should last us quite a while. And he's just like, yeah. He made no comment. On the first two days, whenever I used a small amount of butter, I would remark about how much butter we had left.
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Finally, one day, I saw him do it again. He took a stick of butter into the bathroom, was gone for an hour or so, and came back with no butter. I couldn't believe it. So when I made dinner, I acted shocked that one stick of butter was gone. He said maybe we only had three. But he knew I'd been making a point of it. Wow.
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He then started apologizing for being misleading, but said, let's just not talk about it. And when he saw I was getting mad, he said, what if I just order my own separate private butter?
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He's saying he doesn't want to talk about it, but he goes, so she's like, I was like, okay, but what are you doing with the butter? He asked me to promise him to never ask about his butter activities again and to just put it behind us. He said, just look the other way on this one thing and stressed how it is not a big deal at the end of the day. I was like, okay, I guess.
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but I have been so confused and even disturbed about it. Like, what is he doing with the butter? Why was he lying about it? Why won't he tell me? I don't even think he's eating it because he's not an overweight guy, and I feel like if somebody ate that much butter, they'd become hefty, but he shows no signs of it. I'm just like, who is this guy? Am I overreacting? It is just so odd.
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I see him in a different light, and I am not sure what to do. Should I just ignore it?
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I think, unfortunately, this is similar. We had a story about a jar of peanut butter that, you know. Okay.
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Link to the episode, but later. No, so there was a story where a roommate was using a peanut butter jar for reasons and then putting it back in the pantry. That's insane. So my inclination is to believe this is. But also like. How was it? We don't know. But my inclination is that this guy is using the butter for sexual purposes.
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He said I needed to meet him in Utah. I said that was ridiculous. I could send it to him. He said that it was too valuable to trust to mail or FedEx and needed to be hand delivered. I said I was in Kansas and not coming to Utah, but I would return the watch to his brother when I go home in March. He said no. The only solution was for me to drive it to him. I said I didn't even have a car.
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I'm also amazed. Not good for his pipes. He's not eating it, right? No, we don't know that. He moaned. You can moan while eating, I do it. She's saying she doesn't believe he's eating it, but the butter is gone. Yes. Now, she is saying that she's heard moaning. And the sink running. And the sink running.
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Now, if he's not eating it, how he's making the butter completely disappear is, I mean, this is the procedure. The true magic trick.
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Is your friend from Neverending Story? We re-clocked the same thing.
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Okay, there was one comment. Someone said, okay, what the fuck? And someone replied to that saying butter is the fuck. Butter might be the fuck. Before we get into this update, there's one producer note here left by Emily, and she says, I learned a lot today about butter stuff with a unhappy face.
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So the comments had a lot of theories.
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I think we're about to find out anyways.
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This is posted a day later and it's posted to today I fucked up. Today I fucked up by confronting my boyfriend who kept secretly bringing sticks of butter into the bathroom for an hour or more and coming out without the butter. This morning I said look, yes you should buy private personal butter for your activities but I said I need to know what you do with the butter.
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He got very quiet and then he said, fine, I'll tell you just this once. And he told me, he told me everything. I was so mortified and confused. I cannot tell you what it is, but I will say it is a sensual activity, extremely sensual. It is definitely an inappropriate use of butter. I cannot even type what it is due to how graphic it is.
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On one hand, it's just butter, but on the other, I can no longer see him the same way. I am staying with my parents. To make matters worse, a friend of his found my other post and sent it to him saying, LOL, this must be about you. I guess he used to do it in college too and he is furious and now other people I know in real life know what he does with butter.
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He said you're probably fucking half of Lawrence, use one of theirs. At that point, I blocked him. The watch is pretty valuable and has a lot of sentimental value and I will return it. It was my oversight that I have it in the first place. What are my obligations to follow his instructions to get the watch back to him? I feel like she's asking more on a legal sense. We're both lawyers.
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He is angry at me for exposing his butter-based proclivities. Now I have probably ruined my relationship and everyone knows my business, causing me shame and humiliation. I can't believe what he does with butter, though, and I don't think I can be with somebody who does things like that. You can't say I can't believe. She said it like nine times. Yeah.
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I consider it a momentous fuck up for me to have ever confronted him about it. This is my mistake because I can never unknow what I know. So that means that she, if she didn't, she'd be fine not knowing this and continuing that just knowing it, she can't.
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Unfortunately, my brain is just thinking of every single possibility.
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And if you're busy today, you can still get your ticket and then watch it anytime until March 23rd. It's going to be a doozy. I for one can't wait. It's going to be a doozy. It's going to be a doozy. We won't be able to go back there again. That's for true. Yeah. Ian, Damien.
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What? I mean, she's specifically saying that he's doing something with the butter, right? That what he's doing to butter, she can't move past.
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I do feel bad for the guy that this somehow someone knew, and now this is everywhere. But that's also not her fault.
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I guess on that note, her first post when she's truly innocently like, I don't know what's going on here. This is so confusing. And she doesn't think it's gonna be anything. But the second post, she does go, and she's posting that, oh, people have already found out who he is. But then also still posting publicly saying what he's doing with it is so wild. I can't think of him the same way.
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She's like, you're not supposed to eat it, you're supposed to shove it up your butt. You'll get the calories if you eat it. This story, because it's about the butter, it's funny. I think there's a very real version of this story
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of when it comes to what people are into, any activities they do, and it's tough, because in a relationship, people might discover something about their partner, their partner might even share it willingly, and be like, hey, I can't, this is hard for me to handle. I'm not into this.
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And that's okay for it to be a deal breaker, but it's also like, the guy needs to find someone who's okay with what he does with butter.
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All right, our final story, and I'm a little confused by it. I'm not sure what this means. Sound it out. It comes from Relationship Advice. I, a 36-year-old woman, found out that my husband, who's 38, has a Camilla, a 42-year-old woman. Camilla. What is the Camilla situation? If I can recall.
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Yeah, I don't know what he's thinking there.
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Because I watched The Crown. Okay, good, good. So Prince Charles, yes, Prince Charles in the 90s I was like, well, you tried. Prince Charles in the 90s was in love with Camilla. He wanted to be married to her, but he was told he couldn't because the royal family was like, no, you can't. You gotta marry Princess Diana.
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And he's like, all right, I will, but he treated her like shit because he just wanted to be with Camilla. So then as soon as Princess Diana's dead, he's immediately with Camilla. But I also know this fact that Camilla wanted to wear, she had to wear gray to her wedding because the queen wore white or she wanted to wear whatever she wanted to wear.
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I think the queen wore, and you're not allowed to dress how the queen dresses at the wedding. So the queen like fully shaded her so nobody gets to wear a little hat.
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All right. Here, let's get into this.
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I've been married to my husband for two years now. It's a first marriage for both of us. His family has been very good to me. They immediately accepted me, welcomed me in, started including me in family events, really made it not even a second thought to say yes when he proposed after a year of us being together.
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I noticed on social media that there are always likes from a teenage boy on posts that he puts up about me. I thought it was a bit weird that he's friends with a teenager, so I looked through the photos I could see on his profile. There are a few with my husband from about eight to 10 years ago, as well as another woman. When I asked my husband, he said that the boy is his ex-girlfriend's son.
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He explained that they were very serious, but that she had ended up getting married to someone else. This seemed odd to me, so I asked my mother-in-law about her the next time I saw her. My mother-in-law rolled her eyes and said, don't even mention Val. I am so glad that you came along because that girl was so bad for him. She was unemployed, a single mother, and just very trashy.
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We never would have accepted her. Oh. Quote, Is there any good way to approach this?
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I almost think this is one of those situations where it's like a gift. It's like he told you flat out how he feels about you. I think that's one of those situations where I'm like, you should go. No, you think so? He inferred that, like, yes, I would rather be with this person, but I'm with you. Yeah.
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The Camilla's married to someone else.
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You're saying maybe he doesn't understand the severity of what he said.
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Of course, yeah. Some comments, someone said, considering Charles cheated on Diana with Camilla, that was quite possibly the worst analogy he could have made. Someone else said, tell him that his analogy made things a thousand times worse as Diana was obviously nothing to Charles but someone his family would accept but who he personally didn't care about.
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As a result of said atrocious analogy, you have lost a lot of faith in the strength of your relationship and if he wants this marriage to work out, he will at least remove them from his socials for now and attend marriage counseling with you. Someone else said, I couldn't be married to someone who told me that. He basically told you that he wanted to be with her but you're acceptable to his family.
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I guess what we're saying, though, is this at least calls for a lot more conversation. Absolutely. To be like, hey, we need to talk about what you said.
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I'm also assuming if these people live in the UK, I'm assuming that's a much more well-known story. Tons of people here in America just don't really know it. I mean, he's 38. He's 38, so it's actually... It is a known thing.
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Wow, okay. Pretty good. Sorry, I'm a little slow. Was it really the coffee sipping? Oh, it sounds like they got on each other's nerves immediately. Yeah. They lasted a month vanlifing. Oh, that's right. But vanlifing, it's like, you know, living together with someone is a huge test. Living in a van? Yes. Down by the river? together? No, insane. That's a lot for some people.
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Well, let's get to this update. Oh, there's an update. No, I'm kidding. Okay, so this update came 20 days later. Divorce could happen in 20 days. So 20 days later, do you think they're going to make it is one question. Gosh. Do you think he's cheating on her is another one.
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Okay, let's see. Thank you to everyone who responded to my previous post. A lot has gone down since I posted, and not much of it has been good, to be honest. I'm starting to wish that I'd left well enough alone, but I guess I'm stuck now.
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So I sat down with my husband and told him that this whole Val thing was really bothering me, that I'd never heard her name before for someone he held in such high regard. He explained that she had cheated on him and had married the guy she cheated with. They stopped speaking for a while but they started being cordial again as she was having problems in her marriage and through her divorce.
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He swears on his life that there's only friendship there, that he can't ever forgive her and that he has no interest in her romantically anymore. We share location history on our phones and have cameras on our house so I know he's not lying about seeing her. My My husband was my first in a lot of ways, everything except my first kiss, so I tend to be a bit more jealous than others.
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My husband has more of a past and it makes me very uncomfortable even though I know it's a reality that I have to accept. I'm also diagnosed as on the autism spectrum, so I tend to be socially awkward and miss certain cues, which caused me not to really have close relationships up until him. Are you serious right now? He's talking to Val again? I'm going to asterisk him. Okay. Whoa!
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My mother admitted that they had arranged my marriage. We'd been seeing each other for a month and I met his parents.
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Sorry. It's almost like he was trying to tell her everything. You can't just guide cues past her like that. She'll dodge him every time, I know that. We'd been seeing each other for a month and I met his parents.
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Shortly after, his mother called mine, explained about Val, how they were afraid he would go back to her, and how they wanted to do everything they could to make sure that their son married the right girl. I asked my mother why she agreed and she admitted that they were afraid I was gay and that I wouldn't ever have children. She said that's why my husband was immediately invited to every holiday.
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That's why he was introduced to multiple relatives in a very short time. That's why they referred to him as family before he proposed. They were trying to set the tone in my mind. My head was spinning. I told them I had to go and I couldn't talk to them anymore. I drove home and felt like I couldn't breathe. I walked into our house and told my husband everything. He laughed, he actually laughed.
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He told me that he'd figured it out a while ago and thought I had too. He told me that his parents paid for me to go on vacation with them. They made a point of getting everyone in the family to share how much they liked me. They gave him extra gift certificates to take me out to dinner and other events.
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His mother cleaned his apartment and did all of his laundry while he was at work so his nights and weekends were free for me. When he said he was going to save the money for a ring, they gave it to him, and they kept telling him what a good match I was for him. He asked his parents while we were engaged if it had been the plan to keep him away from Val, and his mother admitted that it had been.
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He told me that he fell in love with me while we were together. What he feels for me is real, and that he loves the life we have together. He said it doesn't matter how it started because what we have is strong and real. I don't know how to feel. I can't even talk to anyone because I'm apparently the only person who didn't know this happened. I feel like such an idiot.
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I am furious with his parents for doing this, furious with mine for going along with it, and hurt that he didn't tell me the truth once he figured it out. I don't know if I want a divorce, My husband has been trying very hard to be supportive of me. I've told him I don't feel like talking.
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He keeps asking me if he can get me anything and asking me little questions to try to get me to talk, but I can't even get my feelings straight right now. I feel betrayed by every person who is supposed to care about me, and I have no idea what the hell to do now.
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Oh, yeah, that's not a good movie. And I get it confused with... This fits the definition of gaslighting, correct? Like massive, group effort gaslighting. Absolutely. Because they altered her reality. It feels illegal.
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This guy is a massive jerk. I mean, for one, dumping her off just randomly in just some place and just leaving her there without a car or anything.
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Yeah, because the idea, I mean, I can't speak on it. But in this situation, what really happened was that she was mass manipulated by everyone around her. They're like, okay, we're going to do all these things to make this happen so that you think that this is all convenient, that this is all working out, that, oh, this is perfect. But it's that the whole family is secretly making it feel perfect.
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Their reasoning is insane, too, of like, we thought you were gay, so we thought this would be, it's like, what did you think was gonna happen?
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Yeah, you have to have them to carry on our family name. Some comments on the update. Wow, just wow, this is some Truman Show level betrayal. I'm sorry, friend. If I could, I would give you the biggest hug. Someone else said, my dear, this sort of happened to me in a roundabout way in my early 20s. When I realized what happened, I left and started my own life.
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I had great adventures and fell in love with a wonderful man. We just celebrated our 30th anniversary. You do what makes your heart happy, not those who arranged a manufactured relationship you weren't even part of. Sending you bravery and compassion. Trust your heart, not them. That's very sweet.
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There was another comment by OP saying they are looking into therapy, which I think in that situation.
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They all probably go to therapy already. It's called the mirror.
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All right, that has been Smosh Reads Red Stories. Thank you both for being here.
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I appreciate you. And thank you for watching and listening. And once again, we have our live show today, 4 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. Get your tickets at live.smosh.com. And hey, if you can't watch it today, you can still get your tickets and watch it anytime until March 23rd. The VOD will be available, and it's going to be a wild time. There's going to be updates. There's gonna be updates.
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Get your butter out, guys. And then get your butter in. Sorry. We will see you guys hopefully later today. And we will also see you next Saturday. Goodbye. Bye.
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And I understand that's hard, but you're responsible for their safety. She's extremely lucky. And so is he. Lucky that someone was able to pick her up.
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Lucky that someone was able to pick her up, and lucky that the people who picked her up weren't serial killers. Or anything else.
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So we'll get into some comments. A lot of users pointed out that This reminded them that they were making comparisons to what happened to Gabby Petito, which shows the severity of this type of situation. Other people said, you gave reasonable options. Let's say he files a police report that you stole it. You have proof that you contacted him and asked where you could send it.
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Totally. Someone said, I'd say she needs to stop catering to him. She has his brother's address. Send the watch to him, provide him with the tracking number and be done with it. I've sent the watch to your brother's address. Here's the tracking number. It should be there in X amount of days. Do not contact me further is all she needs to do.
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For a guy who stranded her over sipping a coffee, she doesn't need to bend over backwards for this small of a mistake.
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Yeah. Someone said, the guy abandoned you. You offering to mail it to him is honestly an impressive move on your part. He's continuing to insult you after you made that very reasonable offer. Do not meet him in person. If you do, you're potentially putting your safety at risk. I agree with that. Lastly, someone said, leave the watch in the middle of some state park like he did to you. Yes.
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Yes, petty revenge. There's the argument of being like, I don't have the watch. Just an iced out lizard. Sasquatch, a photo of Sasquatch.
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It's the bread and butter, and from what I've heard, butter might come up later.
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Okay. What do we think is gonna happen next? Do you think she's gonna mail the watch? Do you think she's gonna keep the watch? Or do you think she's gonna go try to meet him?
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It could be a secret fourth option.
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There's gonna be a reveal. Some character development on his part.
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Okay, here we go. Well, so lots of, this update came a week later. Well, so lots of mixed advice, but most people said the best option was to contact his brother. Before I did that, I decided to unblock my ex just to give him one more chance to give me an address where I could ship the watch. Actual text conversation. Me, hey, I'm sorry I blocked you.
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I just didn't appreciate the insults, but I want to get your dad's watch back. Can you let me know where to send it? I'll pay for shipping, no problem. Like, less than 30 seconds later, he responds, I stashed the watch in your bag because I wanted to prove to myself what an awful person you are, and good job at proving me right again.
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I actually believe he did put the watch in there. Seriously? I think it's a manipulation tactic. Now, it doesn't really matter, I mean, at this stage, because I don't think she should ever be in contact with him again. She needs to stay away from him. But I think it's very likely that he's telling the truth as a means of kind of keeping her close. It also doesn't make sense.
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It doesn't make sense. He's like, you proved me right, you're a bad person. It's like, I'm trying to give it back to you, dude.
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Yeah, after he sends that, she writes, I was like, wow, so many people in the original said that he probably put the watch in my stuff as I was packing in order to force communication and force the opportunity to see him again. Well, you were exactly correct. I didn't even respond to his text and blocked him again.
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I have no intention of keeping the watch, so I decided now it was time to contact his brother, who along with his wife has always been very nice to me. He was super appreciative, and we spent a couple days going back and forth figuring out the shipping, but the watch arrived to him on Friday, and all is good. He even Venmoed me $1,000 for being so honest, contacting him, et cetera.
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Ian, you've started this the most Ian way possible. Hey, butter, that sounds cool. I've heard that one of the stories later involves butter.
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I make really good money, so I told him it wasn't necessary at all, but he insisted, so we agreed to donate it to a food pantry here in Lawrence. but I'm still so creeped out thinking about the day when he kicked me out of the van and he was screaming at me, calling me all sorts of names and scheming to stay in touch with me.
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He was slamming all my stuff into bags but that was cover for him hiding the watch. The fact that it was so deliberate yet he thought of it so quickly is so scary to me. We got along so well before we left and he always seemed like such a great guy. I don't know if the confined space of the van is too much for any couple or if it brought out a side of him I didn't know was there.
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Makes me sad and scared at the same time, but relieved it's over.
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It's tough, man. I mean, with so many relationships, people, you have those blinders until you don't.
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You know, you have those blinders until kind of like the bad thing happens, and then you're like now aware of that thing. Like, it's almost the difference. It's frankly, it makes me think of like what we talk about with so many age gap relationships. When like an older guy is dating a younger woman.
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And it's like, they're probably not going for a woman in her 30s because she has dealt with a guy like you. She can clock. And now she's gonna clock it. Yeah. So you can't get away with that. But I think it's different for every person.
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Like, that's so made up by him. Well, I'm glad she's out of it. Yep. Oh, yeah. Happy ending. She got $1,000 out of it. And she got a – who gives somebody $1,000 for just like a simple task? So we believe from the comments that it might have been a Rolex. Okay.
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Okay, our next story comes from PH Careers, a subreddit dedicated to careers in the Philippines.
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Yeah, and it ended up on Best Redditor Updates. My boss just ha ha reacted to my message asking for a raise. Ooh, you gotta kill him. Or her. I don't know your boss. I posted here a while ago asking if having 13K as a salary as a software developer was enough. I'm a graduating student and this company hired me after my internship.
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When I accepted the role, I expected to do the same tasks I did during my internship, so I thought the pay was fair. but then they gave me more complex tasks like creating a payroll system, which meant studying thousands of lines of code, hundreds of tables, and the whole process from scratch. Mind you, it's just me and my senior in the team.
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Hello, welcome to Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is family. Notorious for being extremely chill. Zero issues. Family. Joining me are two people who I consider family. Angela and Chance.
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It absolutely is. But it's amazing, and it's rare in these Reddit stories for the spouse to stick up for them. Oh, really? We're not used to that, I feel.
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They do, there are plenty of times they do, but it feels like I would say 70% of the time, when it's family related, the child will be like, oh my, it's just like, my parents do this, don't worry about it.
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She didn't even think that it was true. She was kind of like defending the family. She was like, oh, yeah, it's okay. And he was the one who's putting his foot down going, no, it's not. So really props to him. Comments. Not the asshole, it's pretty clear the issue isn't her food, it's her. For whatever reason, they don't seem to like her. Good for you for standing up to them.
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OP responded, having that confirmed sucked badly, but I wasn't going to pretend it was okay to treat her this way either. They wouldn't come right out and say it either. They tried to hide behind the food. Someone else said, not the asshole. Your kids won't be missing much other than the company of toxic relatives who treat their mother poorly, yet she is too kind to hold a grudge.
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Why do some of your family treat her like that? Do they treat all in-laws as poorly? Opie said, no, just my wife. The others are treated fine. Someone said, start a new tradition with your younger brother and sister. Invite them only to your house. Forget the rest of them. He said, that's the plan.
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Is this at all something you guys relate to? Like, as far as having dated someone that your family wasn't fond of or, like, vice versa?
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Let's find out where this goes. As the title says, I purchase all of my sister's OnlyFans content. A paltry $200 to $500 every two-ish weeks. What? For obvious reasons, this is a throwaway. Now let me explain. Okay. Here comes my sister's OnlyFans she started before the first child and was very vocal about it. I ignored it for the most part because I didn't care.
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It increases the whiteness by... It definitely increases the whiteness.
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Did he not even clock it? Was it one of those situations where he was like, oh, I didn't think about that?
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Yeah. Wow. Okay. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for refusing to demote my dog after my sister gave her baby the same name? We have read many stories like this. Demote. What is demote? Demote my dog.
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I'm assuming, as previous stories on Reddit have been like, when a family member has a kid and they have the same name as a pet that's already in the family, they're like, you need to change the name of your pet so that they're not the same name.
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The pet was there first. So there's a famous story where a guy had a cat named Nigel, and then someone had a... Well, that's your first mistake. Don't you name your baby Nigel. No, it was a fiancé that came into the family, and they started calling the fiancé Human Nigel. Because the cat was named Nigel. So there's Nigel and human Nigel. That's awesome. That's awesome.
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Yeah, there's been several stories. There was one where I think someone had a pug named, like, named, like, Doug or something, and then someone had a fiancé named Doug, so they started calling him Doug, too. That's awesome. It's incredible. That's fun, though.
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Just take a fucking nickname. Oh, dude, I'd be all in on that.
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If I met someone and they're like, my cat's name is Shane, I'd be like, no way!
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I'd be stoked. All right. I, 26-year-old woman, have a dog named Charlie. Charlie is a golden retriever I adopted four years ago and he's my best buddy. My sister, Emily, who's 29, recently had her first child, a baby boy. She and her husband named him Charlie. You... At first, I thought it was funny and didn't really think much of it.
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But then Emily pulled me aside during a family gathering and said it was confusing and disrespectful for me to keep calling my dog Charlie now that her son has the same name. She asked me to rename my dog. I told her no. Bye. Bye. Bye. I have no idea how I'm in the wrong here. The world's gone crazy. I love my dog and I didn't name him to spite anyone.
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When she found out she was pregnant the first time, I worried about both their financial situation and frankly, my sister's more than a few crayons short of a Crayola pack.
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I also think it's not my fault they chose a name already in use in the family. Am I the asshole? No. Yeah, no.
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They willingly named their son Charlie knowing that the dog is named Charlie. For years. That's just the case. And, like, especially with a kid, it's like you're making that choice. You know, even with fiancé situations, I'm just like, I'm sorry, that's the pet's name.
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Uh-huh, Charles the dog.
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Yeah, no, that's absolutely insane. Comments here, there was a post years ago about a guy who had a cat named Nigel and his sister or roommate started dating someone named Nigel, so they called the cat Nigel and the guy human Nigel. Charlie the dog is already Charlie. It shouldn't be a big deal. Baby Charlie doesn't care, only the parents do.
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I initially offered to help financially, but she has decided that she doesn't want help and can do it on her own. So I decided to enlist the help of a friend, so I don't have to view the content, to use my money to subscribe anonymously and purchase all of the content she produces, thereby providing support and a little extra help without her knowledge.
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If it was a problem, they could have easily prevented it. You're not the asshole. Lastly, someone said, adopt a second dog, name it Emily. I was about to say the same thing.
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That is pretty funny. I hate to say this. I am a little skeptical of this story. I'm a little skeptical it could be AI.
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And I'll tell you why. Reading it, they use a semicolon in perfect form.
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Nobody's using semicolons here. The story's a little too perfectly just kind of laid out.
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What's the... People are farming karma. Karma is kind of like how you generate a profile on Reddit. So if you post things and it gets a lot of interaction, your profile gets more karma. And then you get... And then you kind of like... Your posts get seen by more people. You kind of like... It's kind of being an influencer on Reddit, right? Being verified.
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Yeah, people farm it. And it's really lame. But... But there are some things AI can't do and that's like misspelling and bad grammar.
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Most stories we read have some bad grammar that we fix or misspellings and I'm always kind of grateful for it because I'm like, a human typed that out. But nobody's using semicolons.
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Yeah, there's not a single grammar mistake in here. My parents have weighed in, comma, and while my dad says it's ridiculous to expect me to change my dog's name, comma, my mom says I should, quotations, just consider it, and quotations, to keep the peace, period. I'm like, that's a goddamn good sentence.
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I'm going to be, look, I've spoken about how I feel about AI. I'm very scared by it. I don't like it. But it will be funny because all the sci-fi books for decades were like, AI is going to take over the world. What if we finally create true artificial intelligence and it's an idiot?
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Like, what if it's really dumb? Guys, we've created a new intelligence and it's an idiot. And we're embarrassed. And we shouldn't have. And God comes down and he's like, now you know how I felt. He's like, look at you fuckers. We're like, wow, okay.
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Yeah, thanks, Charlie. Thank you, Charlie. Fake dog.
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That's also ultimately the thing. We don't really know. That's what sucks, but that's our speculation.
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That's also what I wonder. Sometimes some people might not feel confident in typing out a story, so they use it.
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Obviously, I will never reveal I am her largest supporter. I have never seen any of the content aside from a few face pictures to confirm it was her account. I do this solely to help her and to help support my nephew since she refuses all help I offer. Is this wrong? I don't know. Does it feel weird as fuck? Yes, yes it does. Do I regret it? Not even slightly. So does he watch? He said no.
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I still... Yeah. We don't know that, and ultimately people farm karma. We want to hear your voice. People farm karma on Reddit all the time.
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Okay, next story. Am I the asshole for doing a half-ass job taking family pictures at a wedding after being told to shut up and stop being a smart ass? Well, you know this one's real. You know right off the bat this one's real.
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Yeah. they wouldn't stop talking or looking away from the camera. I tried politely reminding everyone that the camera was the big black thing on the tripod and that it took still images, not video. I was repeatedly told to shut up and stop being a smart ass and that they knew what a camera was. Thank you. Thank you.
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I replied that I had tried to explain to them that the camera was the big black thing on the tripod and that it only took still pictures. They said I should have waited for them to be ready. So I started posting short video clips of people being jackasses.
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My mom said that I went too far and that they won't ask me to take pictures for them again. I did a fake cry and said boo-hoo. She called me a smart aleck. Please let me state that I do not think I am the asshole in this situation, but many people do. They are upset because they don't often dress up and get together and they didn't get good pictures.
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Wrangling people is tough, wrangling drunk people. Angela's really good at it. You are?
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With, you're the Caesar Milan. Dude, that's such a good sketch idea. The Caesar Milan of drunk people. Oh my God.
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Yeah, he's doing this fully as a favor.
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You know what it makes me think of? Because this has happened, this happens a lot, right? Where people, it's no longer just celebrities who get called out if their behavior is bad or they say something wrong. People in public, if you're gonna say a horrible thing to someone, people are filming and it might get posted and you might get outed as being like saying this awful thing.
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So what he does is he gives a friend money and that friend is the subscriber.
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And what people often respond with is like, well, you don't know the full context. You don't know what that person was saying to me. And it's like, too bad, you said what you said. If you're being a jackass to someone If you're saying something that's going to make you look bad, even kind of out of context, you kind of have to be aware of that nowadays. I'm not saying that's right or wrong.
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I'm saying that's kind of the reality we're in sometimes. It is tough because I guess I'd say the only thing that I could maybe see this person being an asshole is talking to this cousin before they post it. Because by posting this stuff, it is going to stir up stuff. Totally. It might...
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cause stuff for them because it was their wedding and people might go, oh, I didn't know I was being filmed and that this was gonna. But I'm getting the vibe that the cousin probably wouldn't care.
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And I don't know if that friend watches. This is a beautiful, beautiful thing. That friend is like, yeah, I don't watch it.
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And that's kind of all that matters. Comments, not the asshole. The photos are an accurate reflection of their behavior on the day. The only people whose opinions matter about the photos are the bride and groom that hired you. They like it, then no issue. They've embarrassed themselves and don't like that their online tantrum turned around on them.
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It's easier to be right until evidence comes forward. Someone said, I used to do wedding photography and this happened from time to time. I sometimes assumed that the disrespect was due to me being a woman and sometimes that they were just oblivious or drunk. Lastly, someone said, That's true.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Him saying that he's like, I am not watching the content. I'm assuming it's.
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It could be anything. It's true.
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I know, who knows? But I think ultimately, if all of this is true, I think this is a kind gesture, it's fine, it's sweet, and I get it, it makes her feel like, oh, well, I'm earning this money, and she is, but instead of just giving her the money and she feels guilty about it, this is through a way that.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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He doesn't need to call her a few crayons short of a Crayola pack. No, he didn't need to say that. He did not need to say that at all. No. Because I'm confused and hurt. Yeah. Yeah, some comments here. This is so wholesome, even though the post has a disturbing title. I am sure there are other ways to assist, like trusts and such, but for anonymous instant short term, why not?
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'll ask that when we meet up, but I don't see it as a real reason. I've also seen people saying it's very unreasonable to go no contact, very limited contact because of this, which I agree with. I think she was just saying that to scare me, which is still very gross, but we still went and she messaged me back, so I guess we will just see.
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I think the energy that we have oftentimes is like cousin energy.
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Take it to the grave, though. Someone else said, while your intention is good, do you know if she is making enough money from other users? You may be the only reason she is doing OnlyFans actively. Oh, that could be true.
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My husband also might come with me because I don't know how my parents will react when I ask them my questions. They know we still went, so I'm not too scared, but I can't be sure. I'll update with how the lunch goes soon.
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Ooh, okay. Like Snow White porn or some shit. All right, final update. Place your bets. What happened?
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Okay, fine. Well, here it is, fellas, your final update. Around 1 p.m. yesterday, we went to lunch. My husband didn't come because he had an important meeting at his work. Great for him. I wasn't that scared anyway because we were going to a pretty popular restaurant, and it wasn't like I would be alone with them.
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Someone else said, I have a feeling that had she known she couldn't do it on her own and had she turned to you for help, she could have had a more realistic approach to the situation with a higher chance of finding a more wholesome approach to tackling it.
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We got there and I sat down. I started talking to my mom and dad and started asking my questions. It was mostly just, why would you get so mad? And it's my money and I wanted to take my daughter on a fun vacation with her parents before she has a brother. And I was met with them gaslighting me and thinking because they don't love Disney, I can't go. I was on the verge of tears and leaving.
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So I asked my final question that I really wanted an answer on. This can't be over a fucking phone. There has to be something going on to make you blow up like this. They then told me what really happened. Okay. I knew it. I knew it. I don't know why we never got the phone back. Probably we'll never know. But here's the official ending of this crazy ass story.
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OP responded, unfortunately, she's one of those extremely stubborn people and will vehemently deny she isn't doing it on her own even when everything points to the latter. Lastly someone said,
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Yeah. You know, it's like, oh, the worst thing that could have possibly happened to me happened. You know what we should do about it? Never go to the happiest place on Earth ever again. That'll solve it.
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No, but people do this all the time, right?
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I think that's fair to say. I'm sorry that I yelled at you about the cousins.
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They take it out on just all sorts of things other than the actual problem.
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Fucking bizarre. That is so weird. No, she blamed specifically, she blamed the housekeeper.
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For going through the phone. For being like, oh, you told me, like, don't tell me that because you told me you ruined my marriage. And so it... I think the mom can't go back to Disneyland and can't think about Disneyland because it makes her have to confront this thing that she clearly hasn't confronted. They clearly didn't deal with this after. No, because their logic is so fucking twisted.
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So they did leave it at Disneyland. I don't trust these people. They pulled up Vegas. They go, what happened at Disneyland stays at Disneyland, so we never go back. There is so much energy there that's been built up for 15 years that is now being blown up immediately at the daughters.
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It's literally like, can they not watch Disney movies? What is that, Frozen? Get that off the TV!
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It always blows my mind, but it happens so often because I think then you have to deal with it.
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You know what's wild about this, too, is the parents, both of them, are telling her this. They're telling her this as if she's in the wrong.
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It's so funny. That makes sense though. Yeah, this is. That somehow makes more sense.
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Man, that gets the award for the best story. I'm glad she still went. Oh, yeah.
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She might not talk to her parents again.
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What a bombshell of, like, oh, you guys are stupid and, like, really mean to each other and to me. Well, moving on. Okay.
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Yeah. Yeah. It's unfortunately really funny. Like very dark, but very funny. Like the reveal of like, oh, you guys are both this stupid? Yeah.
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The cheating didn't even happen at the place. I know. No, there's so many layers of it not making sense.
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Who was doing her a solid, by the way. Obsessed with her. No, the housekeeper is a legend. She was like, hey, by the way, I clocked this. I'm curious how she came across the other contact. I know, she was going through it. Because I'm like, what was the mom under, like, wife? Like, how would... Probably her name.
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I think there's some offers he could probably put out there of like, hey, this is my nephew, and if he's saying he makes close to a million dollars a year, he could be like, can I set up a fund to pay for his college? Do some things.
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But how would the person know that that's... It's probably a scandalous text under a different name. Yeah, it had to have been pretty obvious. Yeah.
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You know what? Can I say something too? It actually makes sense that the evidence would be so obvious because it was probably obvious during it and the mom is just like not like acknowledging it. Because if after getting caught, she's not mad at him. Yeah. She's mad at everything else. He knows like he can get away with it. He's probably continued to have affairs since.
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I'm now imagining just other, if it wasn't a housekeeper, it was someone else, which is like, Gorsh, your husband's cheating on you.
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All right, we can pull on the seatbelts and who's that contact on your phone? Ooh, yikes, all right. Oops, okay. And you're off. Okay, moving on to our final story here. Wow, okay. This comes from Best of Redditor Updates. Just so you know. The title, Need a Fake Kid to Piss Off My Wife. That's awesome.
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I'm in. I'm in, man. I'm so in.
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My wife and I are watching Elf together and we saw the part where Buddy's real dad tells his wife about Buddy and his wife gets excited about this surprise adult kid that pops into their life from a time before they knew each other. I point out to my wife that it's a little unbelievable that she would immediately be on board.
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I then comment that she, my wife, would actually be mad at me in this situation, even if I genuinely did not know this kid existed and it was conceived before I had met her. She denies it, but I know my wife. We're in our early 40s and have been married for 10 years, together for 12. So I need a 20-ish kid to knock on the door and tell me they're my kid and that they just wanted to meet me.
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Gotta be convincing and really talk about how your mom and I were once really happy before she died of something tragic.
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Dealer's choice of death, he says. Throw me in. Job pays $100. Gender, race, et cetera, don't matter so long as you can pass for early 20s. Copy. Shouldn't take more than an hour of conversation. Then you get a call or something and have to leave. I want to do this soon after the new year. You come up with the backstory and I'll play along.
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I'll give you a little info up front after you take the job.
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This is awesome. I think the story already happened. There's some comments here. This sounds like a bad idea, but please post a follow-up once you go through with it. OP says, worst case scenario, okay, yeah, this could go badly, but sometimes being right in a marriage is worth it. Someone said, I don't think this is one of those topics. I don't think that's a quote.
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No, I don't think anyone's ever said that before. I don't think anyone's ever said that.
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Sometimes being right is worth it. divorced the comedy special. Someone said, LMAO, this is a terrible idea, but I'll do it, mid-20s. Producer note, lots of similar comments to that one. This subreddit is rharrisonberg, so it is posted in a local subreddit. There's a subreddit for just about every city and town, right? So you can post there being like, hey,
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People post on subreddits being like, oh, hey, I have a spare guitar I'm trying to sell. Anyone here want to buy it? You can do anything. Or like, I'm trying to organize a thing this weekend here. So this is what this guy's trying to do. He's trying to find someone in his town to be his child. Okay. Update. But first, do you think this is going to be good or bad? Uh... I don't know, Shane.
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I think it's gonna be funny. Yeah. Okay. Like, I think no matter what, it's gonna be funny.
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Like, I don't think it's gonna be too bad. Yeah. Yeah. So the very dramatic naysayers, one of which compared my prank to spousal abuse, several diagnosed me with a number of mental illnesses and at least as many said I was childish and cruel. To you I say, you're probably right. However, na na na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo. This guy's awesome.
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Oh, my God. Oh, that's in the movie too. Unfortunately, interested and committed are two very different things. Multiple potential sons and daughters made it to the planning stage and found one reason or another to bail out. Let me be clear, I do not blame these folks at all.
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I don't think I'd have the courage to send the first DM, let alone actually go through with the prank orchestrated by a complete stranger. But I did find a suitable actor with the courage to come through and I still think it was money well spent. So here's a synopsis of how it played out. No, there's not a video. Saturday afternoon, my doorbell rang.
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My dog lost his mind, as he is one to do, and my wife answered the door since I had pretended to take a call moments earlier. My son, looking about 20 to 25, taller and better looking than I, asked if I was home. My wife motioned to me. I had conveniently just ended my fake phone call, and I came to the door.
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My son, who even shared my first name, his idea, not mine, said he had something kind of strange to talk to me about. I asked if he wanted to come in, which literally almost blew the whole thing because I would sooner saw off my own foot than invite people in my house. But my wife didn't think much of it. We came to the living room. I offered him a drink. He declined.
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My son is an excellent actor, by the way. He would later say it was the anxiety of the situation and not wanting to mess up that made his nervous demeanor so convincing. This is from memory, but it's pretty much everything. I'll let my son chime in with details should he feel like outing himself.
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Do you remember old ex-girlfriend I mentioned at least once in my 10-year marriage in front of my wife? Yeah, that's my mother. It was my wife who reacted first with, oh, no way. So I looked at her, feigning ignorance, and then back at my son and said, is she okay? Yeah, she's fine. That's not why I'm here.
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My wife was nearly busting out of her chair, totally engrossed and completely consumed with two strong theories. One, her husband had a long-lost son, and more importantly, two, her husband hasn't figured out yet that he has a long-lost son. So I say, out with it, kid, what's going on?
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He goes, I'm 22 years old, my wife's eyes essentially bugged out of her head, having now confirmed her theories in her mind. She looks at me, seemingly annoyed that I hadn't put these obvious puzzle pieces together, and interrupts my fake kid, nearly laughed, but I held it together. I think he's telling you that he thinks you're his father.
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My acting is not so great, but I gave it a shot with, wait, what? My look of shock could use some work, but it played out for the audience. My son looked at me. She's right, and I'm not here to ask for anything. In fact, I don't have a lot of time to stay, but I just wanted to meet you and maybe exchange numbers. So I said, this is a lot to take in.
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I knew your mother a long time ago, and she never said, I mean, I didn't know him. I'm paraphrasing, but this kid deserves an Oscar. She never told you. She only told me on Christmas morning. She didn't say anything bad about you, just that it was over, and she was already dating my dad when she found out she was pregnant with me. Wow. I say, wait, does your dad know?
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He goes, of course, and I've always known he wasn't my biological father. He's a great dad, but lately I've been wondering who my real father was, so I asked my mom and she told me.
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I say, wow. I freely admit I had the easy part. My wife, not saying... This is crazy. And it turns out I was way wrong. My wife wasn't mad, miffed, or even slightly annoyed. She was full-on amazed, excited, and entertained by the whole thing.
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I waited a few hours before I fessed up, but before I did, she kept saying how cool it was that I might have a son. When I told her it was all a bullshit lie I made up to prove a point, she laughed, a lot. I can't decide what amused her more, the effort I put into the ruse or the fact that I ended up proving her right in the process. Here are a couple gems from the wife after I told her the truth.
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Where the hell did you find that guy? I'm glad your son wasn't a serial killer. I might have been mad if he came here looking for money. Next time you can save $100 and just assume you're wrong. You know I'm going to get you back, right? The last one has me a little worried. That is it. End of story.
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There's not another update.
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I want the revenge.
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Well, we might get a Reddit story eventually from this guy of like, my wife killed me.
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She's awesome, yeah.
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There is something sweet, there is something sweet about this of like putting this much effort and creativity into just like something in your relationship, right? I think there's something sweet about it. Of like, oh my gosh, I wanna pull this huge elaborate prank on just my wife. Like not for another audience, just my wife. I just wanna do this experiment.
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Yeah, it's like, oh, you weren't trying to make money off of this? It's like, no, he just really wanted to go through a bunch. It sounds like they have a fun dynamic with each other in that way. It's very playful.
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We don't know how long it took. It might have been a month or so. And you're not going to think about that.
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Yeah. He found someone off Reddit. So that means someone showed up with a fedora and a katana. And they're like, I'm thinking you're my father. Yeah, I'm about 22 years old.
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Wow. Yeah. If you're in Harrisonburg, Virginia, there's acting opportunities.
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Yeah, it's great stuff. Well, this has been a blast.
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Thanks for being here.
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Okay. Damn. Okay. Wow. All right.
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I'm never going to Disneyland again.
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Well, thank you both for being here. And I should say, keep an eye out on the Smosh socials. Check out the Smosh Instagram this week. Keep an eye on it. There might be some fun Reddit updates about our show. Just keep an eye on it. I don't know. Something special might be coming. But we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye.
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I don't think she wants that. He's just saying she's gonna refuse all forms of help. And that's okay, she doesn't have to take it.
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do so apparently from other comments he has set up trusts so there are other ways it's short term that she's saying no i don't want i don't want your money um and it's also i guess from other comments she may have other subscribers i don't know how much money she's making per subscribers i'm not really sure how the income works on only fans um but i i I don't know.
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I don't think this is a situation where someone's a horrible person. No, no, for sure. He's just so certain that she's so stubborn. Yeah. This is tough, and we've had stories kind of similar about people who are trying to get into Twitch streaming.
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And just like being so determined, but you know, the average, like the 99% of people on YouTube, Twitch, OnlyFans, are people with like zero subscribers who are just trying to break through. And it's really, really hard. Like it's a lot harder than people realize. So she's not alone in what she's doing. And she's probably just hoping, like, it's going to spark. It's going to work.
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It's really tough.
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Yeah. Time code on this is probably going to be, like, 15 minutes.
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We're good. Don't worry about it.
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Yeah. Most people I meet, I'm like, hey, what's your family like? And they're like, really good.
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Give me my allowance. I am so curious about this friend who was like, yeah, I'll do that. Does he watch it? Does he watch it?
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You find out your whole family is the one who subscribed.
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We all talk. Yeah. We're all in communication.
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Smosh about the Dynasty typewriter was just my family in the audience. I'm like, okay. Okay. Okay, let's move on to our next story. Am I the asshole for telling my family no more to monthly family dinners? Whoa. Whoa. No, I just already have a lot to say. This is fun for me, because this is not something I relate to.
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My family lives out of state, so I've never experienced having family where it's like, oh, we meet up regularly.
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Wow. Oh shit. Okay. Ever since my dad was a kid, our family has done monthly family dinners, nicer ones than your average family dinner. It's something our family did when my siblings and I were kids too. We'd have grandparents over and we'd all have a nicer dinner together.
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When my siblings and I grew up, we still did it only instead of what happened before where branches broke off over time and did their own. They decided we should include partners slash spouses and our kids as a whole in one. By the time I was 19, the family had decided they would take turns hosting each month to lessen the burden. My wife was excited to be part of them at first.
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We started during our relationship. I did the cooking to start and then she took over after a while because she wanted to. My family had seemingly gotten along with my wife before this point, but they were overly harsh of her cooking with the exception of my two younger siblings. She tried to make them happy, but no dice. I told them they could be kinder.
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They said she should cook better or cook different things. Oh my God. My wife didn't make anything they don't normally eat, but nothing was right. She grew frustrated and I grew suspicious. So we hosted a couple of months ago and I told my wife we were going to pretend I did the cooking just to see. She told me she felt like they just weren't fond of her food.
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Okay. Shall we get into these? Yeah. Our first story was posted less than 24 hours ago as of reading this.
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I pointed out nobody had the same amount of complaints as them and they even criticized the steak and potatoes they all seemed to go crazy for. She went along with the plan and when my family thought I'd cooked it, they loved it. Oh my God. Said it was so good, my wife had decided to let a real talent take over.
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That it was so nice to have something a little different, curry, and all this very lovely stuff. My younger brother and sister weren't fooled, but they enjoyed watching the rest of the family dig a hole. When the rest of my family heard it was my wife's food and not mine, they tried so hard to backtrack on all the nice stuff.
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The rest of the dinner went into tense silence and my wife's eyes were opened. I told her I was done with these dinners and she was my priority. She felt a little bad. I told her, They said I was overreacting, making very relationship-harming choices, and treating them badly for simply having issues with my wife's food. They also said to think of future kids and how they'll miss out.
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Some of it got to my wife a little, which I have tried to reassure her about. Am I the asshole?
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Yeah, yeah. But I think specifically the word overreacting is so bad. It's awful. How are you going to quantify my feelings and my emotions? Overreacting is just super ineffective and it's dumb when you think about it because it's just telling someone like, hey, don't feel what you're feeling right now. It's like, well, I'm already feeling it. Your feelings aren't justified, man.
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It's okay, I wonder if there's a version of it of, I mean, not in this situation. In this situation, they're not overreacting, because this is absolutely crazy. But, like... Saying like, hey, it's okay, like the situation's not as bad as you might think it is or something. I don't know. But that's besides the point. How do you even do that?
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I can tell it's a Kiana pic. Kiana just finds, she lasers in on the craziest stories. She does. Okay, so as of reading this, this came out less than 24 hours ago.
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I think in this situation and in most situations when people are worried if they're overreacting, they're typically not. And what I'm blown away by and I think is a hard line rule is if you're ever having dinner at someone else's place, you just don't criticize the cooking. Yeah. Like you're at their place.
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If someone is cooking food for you, I just don't think complaining is really in place for it. If you don't like the food and you leave and you go, I didn't really like the food, that's fine. But to like say it to their face, I just can't believe it.
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This is from True Off My Chest. This is a confession someone made. I purchase all of my sister's OnlyFans content. Am I wrong?
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That's what it's reading to me.
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Yeah. Sorry, I feel like I'm taking the energy out of them. I think tradition, it seems like a tradition they want to hold on to. This family's cooking.
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Yes, I would say we average about the same as before I discovered her cheating. Okay. It took a long time for us to start having sex again, though. Did you go to couples counseling? Two sessions. Done. Graduated. Two sessions. That dude didn't like me very much. Smiley face. She went to a therapist by herself for a while. Pretty much no one knows about all this, except you.
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So it's nice to write it out. Have a nice day. I'm shocked that I could hear a story that starts with, my partner cheated on me. And I could end the story by hating you more, I think. Like, holy shit, man.
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I understand in after like infidelity of like, there's a lot to gain back trust. The start of this, I was all like, yes, correct. Like, oh, you're going to set up some rules, some boundaries.
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Several of these had nothing to do really with, this is all about gaining back trust.
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Right, right. I don't, the way they're going about this is all wrong, right? Absolutely. And I do think, I do think, Conquering it like if you're gonna try to move past infidelity, which is extremely hard, right? I do think you need a professional involved.
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Absolutely I would think I would need one you know different than if you're writing out a post up like you need a lawyer involved if you're trying to set up boundaries for how your Relationship can heal from one of the most damaging things that can happen to it You need a relationship expert who is outside of your relationship.
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I think this type of humor can be funny once in a while, and I understand that it's a part of the culture of people our age. However, her vocabulary is full of just straight up brain rot to the point where it doesn't feel like just a joke anymore. Everything was endearing during the honeymoon phase, so I used to frequently joke back to her.
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Yeah, and both parties need to also, like, be fully honest and agree that this is going to work. This does not seem, like, this seems horrible.
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I don't love so many aspects of this, right? I don't love, well, for one, it's open on my end. I've used it three times. I don't trust this person. This is a unreliable narrator. I don't love that he's like two sessions, in regards to the counselor, two sessions, that dude didn't like me very much, smiley face. I'm like, you're a villain.
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And like, I fully understand. I understand the suspicion and when you're in a place of distrust, what you'll go to. He put a tracker on her car. There's just, the lengths this guy is immediately going to. Yes. is these are red flags.
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And I think there are times in life when people get the excuse when someone does something wrong and they definitely did something wrong, but that doesn't give you permission to be a monster and be like, well, I'm allowed to because this person wronged me. It's like, okay, people can wrong you. You still need to be like, What's your end goal here? Is kind of where I'm thinking.
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Yeah, like I understand how some people go like, well, this is how it'll equal out. It's like, but you're, just break up.
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Break up, like it's done.
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Comments, another question, do you really see yourself staying in this marriage? OP responded, well, I've stayed so far, smiling face.
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Yeah, that has 246 down votes. So the audience does not like him. Good. Hard to do. Like, if you get cheated on, it's easy to write a post out where people would be like, on your side. Someone said, sounds miserable. I would 1000% rather be alone than this circus. You're cracked, man. Got all this figured out to what? Grow old with someone that doesn't love you and you have to police? Fuck that.
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OP responded, I don't really have to do anything, to be honest. It's not like I sit and watch her location all day. And I can always get a divorce if I feel like it. 159 down votes. Oh.
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Someone said, 91 downvotes. Someone replied to that saying, We have a small edit slash update here. Yeah, yeah. I know our lives seem dark and depressing based on the above. I get it. I'm a horrible person. But we also go on dates, travel the world, buy each other flowers, cuddle, have friends, play sports, et cetera, et cetera. Without evil, there can be no good.
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But now it's hard to find Sigma or Hawk Tua attractive, you know? It has gotten to the point where I cannot have a single conversation with her, in person or over text, where this type of language is not involved. I know this sounds so idiotic, but it genuinely turns me off when I try to have a normal, mature conversation, but she responds with just brain rot.
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So it must be good to be evil sometimes. Satan.
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By the way, this is Satan from South Park.
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I hope this is fake. I hope this is a guy who just loves to, like, rile people up. I hope it's rage bait. Yeah. It could be a person who was cheated on and is now living a fantasy online of all this stuff.
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But I also know, like... Unfortunately, in relationships, things get really unbalanced, really toxic stuff happens, and this is a very unique.
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I'm so curious what's going on in this relationship before she was cheating and stuff. There, you know, there's not really, I'm not gonna say like there's an excuse for cheating, but like this could be a very bad relationship where she is scared and doesn't feel she can get out.
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Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for embarrassing my husband after he kept pretending not to hear me? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. My husband, who's 34, has this super annoying habit. If he's on his phone watching TV or just not in the mood to respond, he pretends he doesn't hear me.
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I'll ask him something and he'll just sit there, completely ignoring me, even though I know he can hear me. I've called him out on it before and he always says, oh, I just didn't hear you. But it happens way too often to be accidental. So last weekend we were at a family gathering and it happened again.
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I was trying to get his attention while he was scrolling on his phone and he completely ignored me. I even said his name three times, nothing. So instead of getting mad, I decided to test something. I casually said, hey babe, there's cake in the kitchen. Suddenly he snapped his head up and went, what kind of cake? I just looked at him and said, oh, so you can hear me.
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His mom laughed, his sister smirked, and my husband turned red and got all huffy, saying I was trying to embarrass him on purpose. Now he's annoyed and says I was being passive aggressive instead of just talking to him about it privately. I told him I've tried talking to him about it, and he always denies doing it. Am I the asshole for calling him out like that in front of his family?
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This is sitcom level. Man, yeah. She's not the asshole. No, not a chance. Come on.
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The thing is, she can be serious when needed, and occasionally we'll have a good conversation. These are the moments that I look forward to, where I don't feel like I'm talking to an immature high school boy stuck in the body of an attractive woman. It's beginning to affect our sex life, as I'm finding it hard to get turned on by her.
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Okay. Look, I'm not gonna defend this guy, but I will say. But I will say. Sometimes chicks are annoying.
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I was going to say, there are words no different than when you're near a dog and you say, treat or walk, and the dog's just like.
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Like, there are some words. Like, yeah. Like, there are some words that someone, like, I have, like, in crowds, my hearing can kind of suck, but I could be in a crowd, and if I'll hear, like, a trigger word, like, out there, like, someone will mention a show I'm watching, or someone will just say something exciting, and I'll just be like, what? Like, oh, they're mentioning that thing I like.
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I'm trying to think of an example, but I don't know.
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cross the room, someone will be like, yeah, Avenue Q. And you're like, what?
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It depends on how long they've been married and stuff. Like some people do really like when they're like invested on their phone, like they do kind of get in a trance.
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People get in an almost trance-like state. And so maybe their name, if he's used to her talking to him, he is unfortunately filtering it out. I don't think that's good. I think he should absolutely be more mindful of his partner. But I don't know. I don't know. I don't know this guy. I'd kind of have to see it happen.
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Right after Big Bang Theory. Because I've definitely seen people get lost in a trance in their phone. And I've had it happen, where I'm talking to them and then I'm like, oh wait, they're not paying attention.
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She's beginning to notice my lack of enthusiasm and feels insecure about it. I feel guilty for feeling this way, as she shows me nothing but love and support. I love her so much, but this is the one thing that I cannot get over. I just don't know how to approach this subject with her because I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel self-conscious around me.
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That's amazing. Brilliant. Yeah, I mean, it could be selective hearing. comments, you embarrassed me on purpose. No, I showed that you are purposely acting in a way that is detrimental to a relationship. That your family laughed at you shows that they all agree.
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Someone else said, yep, the way the mom and sister reacted gave me the impression that they've been on the receiving end of this little habit of his too. So this was probably a case of catharsis by proxy for them. Someone said, do the same to him, especially when he's asking for sex. I think his hearing issues will get all cleared up.
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Someone said, oh, my dear OP, do it again and again and again until he realizes that being dismissive and gaslighting you is not going to fly. OP said, I plan to do just that if he keeps this up. Has 1,000 upvotes. Yeah, I mean... sure, of this level. I think if she's really bothered by it and viewing it as a real disrespect, it's like, hey, you're not being present with me. I don't feel heard.
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This is one of those small issues that can grow into a bigger issue. Yeah, for real. You can play little games and make jokes and test him, or you can really be like, hey, this is a problem.
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Because 60 minutes comes on after.
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That's awesome.
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Dateline, when she kills him.
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Oh, yeah, for sure.
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And then it gets late. You let it get later. You change channel. It's Nick at night. George Lopez comes on. Then it's funny again.
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Oh, you get to Jerry Springer. Then it's fun again.
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Yeah. Then Sonic comes on. Yeah. Next story. Okay. Am I the asshole for charging my partner rent for living in the house I own? This is a marked WLW, woman loving woman. Fellow potential assholes, first, thanks for any honest advice you can provide. A bit of background, my girlfriend and I have been dating, not married, for three years.
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She's three years older than me and has two degrees, master's and bachelor's, from two prestigious universities, compared to my one bachelor's from a state college. We started dating at the tail end of our college careers, back when we both had mediocre jobs. When I began my first adult gig, I felt a shift in our relationship, as if she was envious about how quickly I was able to advance.
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I always try to reassure her when she's insecure, so I feel terrible bringing this up to her for fear of making her more insecure. She's a genuinely sweet, funny person, but the brain rot has gotten to be just too much for an adult.
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Needless to say, I ended up leveraging my contacts and helped her get a similar position with way better pay than what she was making before. As I continued advancing in my role, I was given significant salary bonuses. And when I brought in more money, she'd casually make remarks like, now you can be my sugar mama. Now you can pay for dinner. I can't wait to be a stay-at-home mom. And the kicker?
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You have to stop living in the mindset that what's yours is yours, and that includes finances. Every single time, I'd follow up with my own comments along the lines of, I'm not into that. Our relationship should be equal 50-50. Or maybe you can begin applying for promotions or positions that will pay more. Her classic answer? I like my job too much to do that.
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Side note, in my opinion, that's a bullshit answer and shows me that she does not want to apply herself or put in her own work to get a better paying job. but you be the judge of that. Prior to the home purchase, we sat down and discussed where we both stood financially and how the home buying scenario would play out. We quickly realized a few things. One, she did not have a significant savings.
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Two, she did not have the best credit. And three, she had overwhelming debt that I never knew about till this conversation. After moments of bickering, I made an executive decision to go in on the home by myself and mentioned that in doing so, she would have to pay me rent in exchange. She agreed. Fast forward to present day. The home was purchased and we moved in a week ago. It's in my name only.
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Mortgage is $2,100 a month. I asked that she pay $900 in rent. Last night during our date, she expressed how frustrated she was at me, said that me asking her to pay rent caught her off guard, and that paying rent to live in our home irked her. I was shocked, felt instantly uncomfortable, then drew back on the conversation we had when she agreed to pay rent. In short, her rationale was this.
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I don't believe in paying rent in a house I don't own. And we are partners. Maybe one day we will be life partners. It shouldn't have to be about money all the time. Ugh, help. I feel like she's manipulating the situation, but I also understand where she is coming from. Am I the asshole? Oh boy, that is complicated. That's so, okay, all right.
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I should say the verdict is not the asshole, and I don't, I'm not immediately jumping to like, you're an asshole. Yeah. My take is kind of not like, you're the asshole or not the asshole, I'm like, that's one of those kind of decisions where I'm like, I understand where you're coming from, do you want this relationship to work out? Is this relationship gonna work out in this type?
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This is not a healthy environment.
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Exactly. This is not, if you're in a situation where you don't trust your partner financially on that degree, you're not in a situation to be long-term partners.
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Yes, yes. She's paying her rent, and she's paying her close to half. If the mortgage payment is $2,100, she's paying damn near basically half of it. And yeah, over time, it's like, oh, thank you for buying, helping me buy this house.
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If the relationship doesn't work out, it's like, that's tough. All I'm seeing is that I'm like, I don't really care who's right and wrong. This is a situation where resentment is of course gonna get built up. Both ways. Both ways, absolutely. And so I'm just like, I don't think this is gonna work.
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OP's partner agreed to this situation, right? Of course they agreed. I think they're... I'm not sure how they are putting this, because it's like, OP is, this is buying her house. She is buying her house. The rent situation is, it's just a situation that's going to cause resentment.
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Because over time, if she does, and then they break up, it's like, all right, I- It's my house, get out of your house. Now it is also rent, but it's like, I don't know, this is not a, this doesn't feel like a partnership. This feels like you're roommates now. And it's, I don't know, it's just, I don't know.
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That way, like the girlfriend is saying the quiet part out loud. Like it's, there is a lot of like, Thank you.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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I mean, there's been brain rot. You could argue there's been brain rot for a long time. Like as a millennial, it's like if back in the day after sex, you were like YOLO.
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Right. And then you're like flanking everywhere.
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Yeah. Right. Sure.
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It's cringey. Yeah. And it's being, it sounds like she's being ironic.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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It's my sleep And now I'm starting to love a song so it's so much submissive and breathable, too I know our audience our audience has seen us joke about things ironically to a point where they are like, all right, we get it Yeah, we're done. Yeah, we're done here.
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Thank you. Thank you. Also, I'm only admitting this because Reddit is anonymous, but I kind of want him to get his life together just a little bit before we get married. He doesn't have a stable job yet, and I don't want to be that naggy girlfriend, but I just want us to be financially stable before we tie the knot and possibly bring kids into the world.
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100%. And I understand it. And I think what he's really saying here is like, hey, I want you to be serious with me a little more. It sounds like she's joking all the time. And it's fun to joke. Like in a relationship, it's so great to be joking nonstop. But you need to have those moments where you genuinely connect. And it sounds like she handles being maybe uncomfortable with this.
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We could survive with my salary as a vet, but maybe it's selfish of me, but I would like to see him contribute a bit more to the pot as well so it doesn't feel like my money, but more our money.
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That's incredible. You're also allowed to just be like, I'm just not ready yet. I don't feel ready to marry this person. But finances are an absolutely huge thing for people, and there's nothing wrong with that.
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Yeah, that's completely fine.
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By being, yeah.
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For sure. She's doing the thing that happens a lot with these posts where she's like, I'm admitting this because this is an anonymous forum and I'm sharing all these honest thoughts. It's like, you need to share these honest thoughts with him. Like you do need to tell him like, these are my reasons why I'm not ready for marriage. Because if you don't share that, they might not change.
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Exactly. Yeah, but it's an easy thing to just throw out there.
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You can't expect change if you're not talking about it. Well, I don't think it's horrible. No. But it's interesting. Yeah. Our next one, Am I the Asshole? My girlfriend got mad that I didn't defend her, but she was clearly in the wrong. These are stories where I'm like, dude. This is great.
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Had dinner with my girlfriend and some friends last night, and it got awkward fast. One of my friends called her out on something pretty mild, basically just saying she was being kinda rude to the waiter. She had an attitude the whole night, rolling her eyes and being snappy. I wasn't about to jump in and defend that, so I just kinda sat there.
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After we left, she went off on me, saying I should have had her back no matter what. I told her I'm not gonna blindly defend someone when they're actually wrong, and now she's pissed, calling me disloyal. My take is, if you're being rude, you should own it, not expect people to cover for you. But she says partners should be a team no matter what. Am I the asshole for not backing her up?
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Oh boy, I wasn't sure what being wrong was gonna mean, but being rude to a waiter is pretty rough.
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No, I can't stand someone being rude to a waiter, dude. That's like a, that's a... That's a red flag I can't get past.
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That's fully what like a criminal in a movie says.
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They were.
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You're going to fight against two people. I hate that.
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Yeah, so it's rough sometimes. I think this is extremely, not necessarily with brain rot, but just like the joking partner, right? I think it's a very common trope. I've heard about this a lot here in LA where there's a lot of entertainers, a lot of comedians who they use it as a crutch and even deep into the relationship, they just cannot be serious.
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Most of the worst things that have ever happened in history come from a group of people who are like, well, we're not going to call each other out on anything that's wrong, and we're all going to stand in unison. Exactly. No, that is how bad things happen.
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Also, she's talking about him being disloyal and not being a team member to him. It's like, you're not really being a team member when you're being an asshole in public, like next to your partner. You're being inconsiderate to the waiter. You're also being inconsiderate to just everyone. You're putting everyone in an awkward position.
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So fuck you.
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Be on my boat. I'm going to sink it, but be on it. The verdict was not official, but majority says not the asshole. Okay. Yeah. Comments. Not the asshole. Supporting your partner doesn't mean blindly defending bad behavior. If she was being rude, it's reasonable not to take her side. A real partnership includes holding each other accountable, not just covering for each other no matter what.
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OP said, this is what I told her, but she doesn't seem to understand. Someone said, Yeah. I thought this situation was gonna be so different, but. Same. No, rude to a waiter is like stereotypical. It's instant. That's stereotypical asshole behavior, man. You can't do that.
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Welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme, relationships. A classic one. And I'm joined with two people who love relationships. Angela and Tommy.
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Well, damn.
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I guess a debate now is, should he have called her out there at the table?
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Or was he in the right to wait until they're in private?
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I'm someone who's, I've said this, I'm afraid of confrontation, but I try to find ways of like, how can I like throw something out there without, like if I'm, I don't really think I've been in this situation before, but if I'm at a table with people and someone's being rude to a waiter, depends on how rude, right?
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Like maybe just mild rudeness where I'm like, okay, they're just in a bad mood and they're treating everyone this way. But I might, I might try to throw something out of just like, oh man, it seems like they're understaffed today. Just throw something out there to be like, hey, let's consider other options here.
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They have to always be joking because that's how they handle anything.
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Yeah, so I can't really fathom it. Right. If I was with someone who was, they'd be kind of a stranger to me.
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And that's a little bit of a scarier situation.
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Or an enjoyable experience. I've typically found that by just being chill and not doing what so many people do, things will work out. Yes. It's those little finger trap things, right? The more that you get upset, it's like, hey, things are not going to happen for you. It's the same with airports. When it's like, yeah, if you yell at them enough, maybe they'll get their spare airplane out.
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There's an old tweet that's like, oh, they keep their spare airplanes back there. If you yell at them, you yell at a low-level worker. You'll get a ticket for one of those. So one time, Courtney and I were at a restaurant, and we weren't being overtly nice. We were just chill. You were just being regular? When the waitress came by, we were just like, hey, yeah, for sure.
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She at one point was like, I'm so sorry. Things are taking so long. It's like, things were not taking long. But we were just like, oh yeah, it's no problem. We're just hanging out, like whatever. And I think there was a table clearly where they were being assholes. And maybe she was doing this as a means of, maybe, I don't know, in retrospect.
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But she kept coming by just being like, thank you guys so much for being so nice. And we kept being like, oh yeah, whatever, we're chilling. And then she, at one point, it was just like, what are you guys drinking? And we're just like, oh, we're drinking this. And then she literally just brings shots to us. And she's like, hey, let's do shots together.
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And then later, and then she's like, you guys want dessert? And we're just like, oh, I think we're good. Like, whatever. And then she brings this huge fucking sundae to us. And we're just like, okay. Like, cool.
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What I'm saying is I wonder if the table that was being assholes was nearby enough that she was just like, hey! But we were just like, hey, we're just chilling. She kept thanking us. I'm like, we're not being nice. We're just treating you like a human. But that's rare. It's a bare minimum at this point.
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Yeah, it's wild. Anyways, so our last story comes from Relationship Advice. This is written by, OP is a 21-year-old woman. That's RH. A little bit older. Drunkenly kissed a lifelong friend, 22-year-old man, at a party, and he told me he loved me. How do I approach this?
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Drunkenly kissed. Drunkenly.
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Okay, I mean the title is pretty much it. James and I have been friends since second grade. We have shared practically everything with each other. Been there for each other when no one else was. We tell each other I love you pretty often. He is my family. I don't drink much, ever, and James had begged me to come with him to his friend's apartment for drinks and games.
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I decided to let loose, bad move on my part, and drank too much. He had a bit to drink as well, but not nearly as much. He saw I was warm and loopy, so he took me out for some fresh air. Honestly, this bit is pretty fuzzy. I just remember laughing and going to kiss his cheek like I would my mother, but it didn't end that way.
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I missed and kind of hit the corner of his mouth, and he took that as an invitation to really kiss me. We kind of made out and... And then he told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too. Cause that's what we always say. But he responded with something like, no, like I am in love with you. And then I puked in a bush and he took me home. Still quite embarrassed. What a superstar!
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Still quite embarrassed about it. It has been a couple days and neither of us has brought it up. No! I am kind of confused about my feelings. I haven't really been in love before, but I do love him and have always considered him my person. Am I being obtuse? How can I bring the topic up with him because I do want to discuss it once I figure myself out? Okay.
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Okay, so she's not like absolutely saying I'm not into him.
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Don't do that, don't do that.
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Man, these stories are just some real dilemmas.
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Yeah. So we don't have an update, but we do have an edit that they include. And they go, sorry for my overusage of brain rot, LOL. Make that nine times. I am referring to common terms frequently used on TikTok slash other social media platforms. Example, XYZ happened, her. You've got to be rizzing me. That's awful. I think he's dating Trevor.
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And I think if I'm him, and I'm in the situation where you drink a little bit too much too, it sounds like, I would probably be like, yeah, don't take what I said. I drank way too much. That was a lot. I don't know what was coming over me, but let's take some time to think about this.
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Because then you can kind of bring it back down to a grounded level and be like, would we want to hang out sometime? Do you want to go on a date sometime? Instead of being like, I'm in love with you, you can be like, hey, let's just see. Are we interested in what this is?
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Comments. He took care of you when you were drunk. Maybe it could work. You're both young, but it could be the greatest thing for you both. Good luck. OP said, it feels like a lot to put on the line for maybe, so I'm struggling with that, but thanks for your support. Someone said, he almost guaranteed has had a crush on you for a long time, but sounds scared to say it.
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You sound unsure, but maybe open. What I can say from my own perspective is give it a try. The friendship likely won't last if there is a romance stewing and one of you will end up resenting the other or getting jealous when they start dating other people and the friendship will fizzle out or become a shell of what it is now.
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On the other hand, you may get a relationship with someone you already know and trust if you try to go for the romance. OP responded, I am slowly realizing that I am at the point of no return. This perspective is genuinely helpful. Makes me feel a little less dread. Someone said, I say you guys do a real kiss sober. You'll know if it's there or not. It most likely is for him.
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I can tell you that by just being a dude and what you wrote. See if it is for you. If it is, good luck. If it isn't, be honest with him and hopefully you can make the friendship work and he can move on and stop wondering. And my advice is based on only if you've wondered about it yourself.
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If you 100%, without a shred of a doubt, know you are only into him as a friend and wouldn't want anything more, don't do what I said. If you've wondered but have been afraid to ruin the friendship, do what I said. Y'all gotta know or not, life's too fucking short. OP said, It affects people we love too. Our families are friends. Our mothers get brunch together every other week.
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Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on this, but it really feels like a big deal. Seriously, thank you for this advice, though. I do see now that something will inevitably change. Kind of stupid to try and hold off the inevitable.
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But things are gonna, variables are gonna come into your life that are gonna alter relationships.
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You gotta just like. And there's also the thing of like, hey, if you guys are really solid friends, like, It's okay to try something and see if you guys can still be friends afterwards. If he's a good person and you're a good person, it could be okay.
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They continue, I understand the humor, and I also use it from time to time, but I think it's hard not to get tired of something after excessive usage. I will have a conversation with her about it soon, and I realize my fault in this for not communicating clearly to her. Guess I was just concerned about making her feel less than and damaging her self-esteem. Thank you all for the advice.
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She's also saying like, oh, I'm afraid to dip my toes in the water. It's like, you guys have already jumped in. Like, it's already there.
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Your pants are wet. You can't go back now.
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Don't ask about the half.
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On ABC.
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It's a lot. I'm a line. We'll see. This will determine everything. Someone mentioned something about an update. I'm not sure if this is how it is meant to be done, so I don't know if anyone will ever see this, but this is how I am doing it. So we talked and I was honest. I have been way overthinking this and really just confusing myself more and more.
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I came to terms with the fact that I was truly very into the kiss and enjoyed the thought of kissing him even more when I was sober. So I told him that. but I also told him how nervous I have been about our relationship because I have thought of him as someone who will be in my life forever since sixth grade and I have never been lucky in love.
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The thought of us parting ways because our relationship goes south makes me feel legitimately ill and I told him that too. I started off with the talking because he knew it was coming and I could tell he was incredibly nervous, but he seemed to loosen up as I continued. He actually smiled a little. After I finished my speech, he said, can I say something cheesy but true?
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And I naturally replied with yes. He told me that he has loved me since middle school and that he never thought it would get this far. I am still utterly shocked by this. I seriously have never known. I was getting all flustered and shy because of a man I have literally shared everything with, which is bonkers.
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When I am with him, I am the most unapologetic version of myself, but he had me blushing. That pretty much solidified it for me. The only thing left to discuss was how to move forward, and he took the initiative and asked what it was that I wanted to do about this. I had been thinking about this for a day or so since unraveling how I felt about him.
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I suggested that we go on a real date, not just a hangout, if he would be okay with that. I understand that at this point, he is much deeper into this than I am, so I don't want to do anything to hurt him. But committing super hard would be a lie on my end, and this feels necessary to explore. Honestly, it is a possibility that he could find out that I was better in his head or something."
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Anyway, he agreed and we are giving it a shot. I am very happy and he seems to be as well. He was absolutely grinning once I offered up the date idea. He was tickled that I asked him out. It was very cute. So thank you to everyone for your suggestions and support. It was surprisingly helpful.
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This post was more like a diary entry than anything else and reading it back is kind of cringe, but I am grateful nonetheless. If anyone is reading this, have a great day.
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I will do better. There's a way to communicate things that isn't hurtful, because it's not about saying like, I don't like this thing. It's like, hey, like, I'd really like us to have more moments where we connect and talk.
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And at the end she says, this is gonna be totally Sigma.
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Yeah, very, very good.
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Yeah, I'm glad we ended on that note. Yeah. They can deal with their finances later.
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This was one of the most interesting episodes I think we've ever had.
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Yeah, I'm gonna be thinking about these a lot, and I'm really curious about the comments on this one. I'm so curious people's takes on so much of this, because these are really like, real like everyday issues that people face. These are human stories. These are human stories.
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That's how the Godfather starts. Thank you both for being here. Thank you, this was awesome. This was really cool. And thank you for watching. Let us know what other themes and subreddits you want us to cover on this show. We'll see you next Saturday. Bye.
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Ooh, waffles this time.
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A bunch of comments. For anyone who doesn't know the term brain rot after reading it nearly a dozen times, it's like walking around all day in the 90s saying, waza, baba booey, sha-wing. Oof. ETA.
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ETA because this is cracking me up, LOL. Here's some context. Hey, how's it going? Waza. Nice to meet you. I'm John. Baba booey. Oh, the dress that girl is wearing is so pretty.
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I imagine this gets old pretty fast. I'm sorry, man, you shouldn't have left that comment. That was bad. No, it's very real, though. Yes. Someone else said, instead of a swear jar, make a skibbity jar. LOL. Just tell her brain rot makes you cringe. Be clear, it's the words themselves, not her. Someone else said, looks disappear over time, but conversations will go on forever.
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It's important to at least be on the same level, because that's where you guys are headed for the rest of your life.
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And that's a relationship. Thank you both for being here.
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That's crazy to think that there's... There's going to be a retirement home someday with a bunch of 80-year-olds being like, Skibbity. Skibbity.
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Show it to me. Show it to me, Rachel, please. Oh, God. Awful. OP said in response to a deleted comment, when we talk, I'd ask her about her day and ask follow-up questions. However, when I talk about anything, she'd just respond with, that's so skibbity, or sigma, or something along those lines.
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It's funny and cute when we're having lighthearted conversations, but it feels a bit superficial when I want to have deeper conversations with her. I guess I'm just bothered by her lack of effort in our conversations. Someone said, tell her this specifically. I think that's the answer. How about that? How about that? You found it. Yep. You found it. There it is. Be honest.
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Thank you. Wow.
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I also am like, I get this with a 20-year-old. Like a 20-year-old who's still uncomfortable, who's still like, because a relationship is a scary thing. Especially if like, this might be one of her first like, long-term relationships. It's like she's just sitting there scared to go further, scared to be vulnerable. This is a way to block that.
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And we're all 20 years old.
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What's tough now is that with the internet, trends move so much faster than they used to, right? Like, it's hard to explain to, like, younger people, but I'm like, Numa Numa was big for, like, a year. Right? Like, keyboard cat was a thing for a while. Long time. But nowadays, a thing is a thing for like a day. It literally is.
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And then it moves on, and if you're quoting that the day after, you're cringe. You're cringe. It moves too fast nowadays. It's kind of always. We're almost in the post-meme era where it's cringe from the beginning because of the speed of it all. Like, saying any of it, you look dumb. But it's also whatever. I mean, it's also fun because it's cringe, and it's fun because it doesn't matter.
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This episode of Reddit Stories is brought to you by Booking.com, the official accommodation partner of MLB. Booking.com, booking.yeah.
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Well, Angela, I actually like to be outside during the springtime. Maybe do some traveling, see some sports games.
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I know you were not thinking that. Wait, if you're reading something from our sponsors, I usually do that myself.
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How many of these stories do you think the solution is just going to be, oh, just talk to him?
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Never sing on my show again. Was it...
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Take me out of my small home. All right, our next story. This comes from True Off My Chest. I'm that one who decided to stay with my cheating wife, with conditions. Okay.
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People familiar with relationship subreddits have probably seen posts where the cheating partner offers all kinds of shit in return for reconciling. Well, I'm one of those who ended up accepting those things. The quick backstory is that I became suspicious when going out with coworkers went from like five times a year to five times a month or more.
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It's break up or talk to them. And if you can't talk to them, if that's not the option, you've got to break up. Go home. It is kind of a, there you go. You have two options usually.
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One day when she texted me that she was going to an after work event, I went to the car park at her job and put the dog GPS collar in the trunk. She drove to an apartment building. I checked all the names on the door and then compared them to names on her LinkedIn, and sure enough, she had a coworker who lived there.
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Won't bore you with all the details, but she ended up confessing after I confronted her that night when she got home. A lot of crying, screaming, pleading, it didn't mean anything, yada yada. Then she went and stayed with her parents. I was set on divorce at first, but every day she gave me the, we can fix this, I'll do anything speech, and that's how it started to grow on me.
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That was over three years ago. In exchange for not filing for divorce for the first 12 months, the following rules are in place.
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Thank you.
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You have a helmet on this roller coaster? Got Darth Vader over here. Holy shit. Here are the following rules. Post Nup, if she filed or if I filed after the 12 months, I would get first dibs on the house. Still 50-50. There would be no alimony and we would keep any personal assets. Two, no kids. I didn't want kids before this. She was more back and forth.
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Three, our old joint bank account is now my bank account. It's still being used in the same way, as in we both put money in and then use it for larger purchases, groceries, cash, insurance, et cetera, but falls to me in case of divorce as per the postnup. She can still use it with a spending limit. Four, she needs to find a new job and cut off any old coworkers.
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Five, cut off one of her friends who knew about the affair. Six, open relationship on my end only used this a total of three times. The last time was over a year ago. Fucking hate dating. Seven, STD tests. One initial for both, every month for her. For me, only if I slept with someone else. However, we don't plan to do these anymore. It was just a pain. Eight, location on her phone.
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Nine, no going out alone without my consent. Ten, no alcohol. She used to have a problem with day drinking. This wasn't really a factor in her affair. I just took the opportunity to be rid of it. Eleven, no complaining about the rules or postnup. Obviously, it's a bit more detailed than that, but those are the major points. Questions I can imagine getting. Are you happy? Yeah, I would say so.
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Or excommunicated. Or you should be excommunicated. All right, let's hop into this first story. Ready to hop. This comes from Relationship Advice. How do I, a 20 year old man, tell my partner, a 20 year old woman, that her brain rot is making her less attractive?
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I still get pissed when I think about it sometimes, but it fades just as quick. It was much harder in the beginning. Is she happy? She says she is and that she doesn't regret it. Doesn't regret it? Doesn't regret getting back with him with the rules is what I'm assuming. Do you feel controlling? Yep. Do you still have sex?
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He said he read through my LinkedIn message and swore my ex was flirting with me. I said he wasn't. My husband then made fun of my ex's looks and it was some of the cruelest things I've ever heard him say. I told him to stop and that we could talk when he wasn't acting this way. He asked if I would cheat on him if that guy became my coworker.
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Then he scoffed and said, you're not attractive enough to cheat on me, not enough to keep me. I was speechless. He then slammed the door to our bedroom and locked me out for the night. I went to sleep on the sofa and woke up tucked into bed. Holy fuck. Okay.
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My immediate take was as insecure as she might come across in these first paragraphs that she writes, it's very clear to me by his reaction that he's far more insecure than she is. And it's an interesting thing that I've noticed, you know, being in LA where there's just the hottest people you've ever seen in your entire life, right?
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And an interesting thing is that a lot of the most attractive people you know are the most insecure about their looks. And I had it explained once, and it was that, oh, because their entire life they're made to feel like their looks are kind of everything. Oh, you're so beautiful. You're so attractive. That if at any moment they feel they don't have that, then they have nothing.
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Their entire worth is gone. Their entire worth is in their appearance. Whereas anyone who doesn't feel that's the case growing up, they then have worth in every other way. Exactly. But... It seems clear to me that this guy has gotten used to so much attention Absolutely that he's actually deeply insecure as a weird Reverse reaction to it.
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We have done episodes before on cheating, and it is, it's, man, I have to admit, whenever I come across a Reddit story that has to do with cheating, I'm glued to it. Even though I feel bad for the people. It's a shame. It is always high stakes. And it sucks how common it is.
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You'd think you hear compliments your whole life You're gonna think you're the best which is true, but it also creates this opposite aspect That is so fascinating because that that theory that you brought up like it seems to be the case here right because
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Yeah, it's true. And it's very much a control tactic to be like, to put her down so she doesn't think she's good enough.
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Right. I mean, just a devastating, it almost doesn't matter to me when you say something like that and then don't apologize to it. It's like, who cares if he's cheating on you? Someone who says that to you and doesn't apologize, that's not worth sticking around for.
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Yeah, and looks fade, but that piss-poor attitude will stay around, so. It is such a huge red flag for someone to, do something so horrible, say something so horrible, and then a moment, an hour, a day later, pretend like it never happened. That's a huge red flag.
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It also, it denies what the relationship's supposed to be, which is like a teamwork thing. Where it's like, hey, if we have a disagreement, if we're upset at each other, that's our problem together. And I don't get to just move on and leave you there. We have to both be in it and figure it out together. And he knows it's his fault, but that's why he's trying to just bounce off.
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I feel like almost everybody goes through some version of it at some point.
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He's such a mattress baguette, dude.
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We're gonna make it happen. This first comment is a doozy. As a therapist who has worked with some couples impacted by infidelity, I'm going to tell you two things. One, there is no pretty privilege when it comes to infidelity. Attractive people get cheated on every day. Unattractive people cheat every day too.
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So your husband's stance that you're not attractive enough to cheat on him and that he's safe because he's attractive is nonsense. Two, your husband knows you. He knows your insecurities, and he knows what buttons to push. He knows you struggle with self-confidence, and he saw that opportunity to poke at your soft spot, and he went right on ahead and jabbed at it anyway.
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Part of marriage is being vulnerable with your partner about our insecurities, and he took that and had zero hesitation to use that against you in an argument. To me, that says a lot about a partner. The wound he created with his careless words is twofold. Not only are you questioning the attraction between the two of you,
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but you're also questioning the ability to be vulnerable with your own husband about your insecurities going forward.
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That 13-year-old really whipped that up. They're going to believe that.
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It's incredibly poignant. Someone else commented, mask slipped. Lastly, someone said, no man who truly loves and cares for you would say something like that to you, especially over something like that. He was jealous, which can be understandable, but took absolutely zero time to listen to your side or even let you give any further explanation.
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I think, you know, it's so hard to admit, and it's a scary thing to admit, but I think there... in a relationship, especially if you're married, you just have to have that trust and comfortability. To be honest, if you're feeling any sort of insecurity or jealousy, that those feelings are fine. It's how you handle them that's the problem. And it's like, oh, should I go with this job?
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And if he was just like, I feel weird because he was your ex and I know that it's fine. And then she would probably have responded with, oh dude, like don't worry about it. We can talk about this.
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But instead he went right to that. Right. So.
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Right. It'd be interesting to see them in person, too, because this is her self-assessment. And yes, she's talking about examples with her husband, but it's just interesting, because there are plenty of people who just, their self-image is so different from reality that you don't really know what's going on.
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Our next story comes from relationship advice. 28-year-old woman writes, my husband, who's 31, thinks I'm cheating because we went through a box of condoms. How do I bring it up without sounding defensive? My husband and I are both pretty low libido. We aim for intimacy maybe once or twice a week on average.
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Because of that, we don't go through condoms very fast, or at least I thought that was the case. Recently, I initiated, and when I reached for an empty box, I told him we were out and would have to wait until tomorrow. He got all confused and said, how did we already go through a whole box? I kind of laughed it off at first, but then he seemed genuinely upset, saying the math doesn't add up.
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He pretty much implied that I must be cheating because we couldn't have gone through them all with just the two of us. Now I'm the one upset. I have never cheated and would never do that, and it hurts that he'd even go there. I thought our pace was pretty normal, but apparently he's convinced something isn't right.
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I even offered to go over the timing with him to show that we've just used them as expected, but it's clear he's still doubting me. I get that maybe he's feeling insecure or there's something else going on, but I don't even know how to start unpacking that with him when I feel like my loyalty is already on trial here. Has anyone else dealt with something this weird?
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And then I cheated, and I got 100. There reaches a certain point when it comes to cheating on a test where it's actually more impressive... the manner in which you cheated than actually knowing the information that you're being tested on. Right, which is critical thinking. You made a new language.
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How do I talk to him without sounding like I'm projecting slash defensive slash affirming his doubts?
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Blowing them up, making a balloon. He's putting it over his head and blowing it up.
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That makes me wonder if her husband is like stating that to her. Like, oh, we just never have sex. We're low libido because we only have it twice a week. Um, Yeah.
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His mattress baguette, you know?
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Yeah, unfortunately, what if he's dumb?
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What if he's dumb, which is fine.
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But you can't respond like this.
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It's also disrespectful to her to think like if she's cheating on him that she's just gonna like use the same condom. Right, the house condoms? Yeah.
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I don't know if this applies necessarily here, but I actually think sometimes the most suspicious thing is when someone jumps to cheating as an assumption right away. And I'm like, why is that your first assumption?
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And I do think it's a common thing you know, with cheaters to be suspicious of it. And I don't know, that's interesting. I don't know if this just happened like last night and she's writing about it or if this has been an ongoing thing. It depends on how long he doesn't let this go.
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I... Yeah, I... I'm gonna be a little bit of a conspiracy theorist here. A little bit of a Reddit conspiracy theorist. I don't love how confidently she was like, yeah, we're low libido, we only have sex once or twice a week, followed by his immediate suspicion has me wondering if he's like, yeah, we barely have sex. We only have sex once or twice a week. And he's also suspicious this quickly.
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I'm not gonna say this, because I only have this story, but this is kind of cheater behavior in some way. Comments, once or twice a week sure doesn't sound like low libido. If you hit twice a week frequently, you are easily above the average. He needs to explain himself as to why he is doubting your loyalty, and I would tell him that straight up.
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Less worrying about how you come across, he insulted you, put a big mark on your marriage, he needs to answer for it, not you. Someone else said, instead of defending yourself, refocus on the fact that if your husband believes you are cheating on him, then there is something deeply wrong with your marriage.
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It's not about trying to convince him that you're faithful, it's about him making the accusation. Lastly, someone said, the one who is accusing the other of cheating is usually the cheater themselves, at least usually on these Reddit stories. Careful, OP, he might be projecting.
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In fact, if he persists in accusing you, consider turning it around onto him, especially since he refused to go over the timelines with you. Yeah, there's no update on this, but I'm highly suspicious of this guy.
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Based on this info. Okay, the OP responded to a comment, and I think this gives me all the context I was looking for. She wrote, I'm going to start marking the calendar on the days that we do have sex. I hate to have to track it, but he does have a tendency to pester me after three days and tell me it's been a while, and I have to remind him that it really hasn't been. I knew it.
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Right. Well, we'll be talking mostly about romantic cheating.
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No, he has convinced her that they're low libido. Yeah.
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I hope I'm wrong, but I guarantee you, if she does find out that he's cheating on her, he'd be like, well, you never have sex with me. Absolutely. Absolutely.
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That's what I think is going on. All right.
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Yes. Wow. Apparently a lot. Disgusting.
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Next story. This comes from Relationship Advice. What was that? A 40-year-old man wrote this. I started to cheat on my wife, who's 38, but stopped halfway through. Do I still tell her? What? No!
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I stopped halfway through. I only did a little cheating. My wife and I have a great relationship. My wife and I have a great relationship. I can't say I have any real complaints. We have been together for five years, married for two of those, and up until now, I would have said I would never stray.
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I was away for work last week, and while I was in the hotel, a young woman, 21, sat next to me and began to flirt with me. I was extremely flattered by the attention. I have to admit, it was a real ego boost to be flirted with by someone so young as I've started to get that middle-aged dad bod and have been feeling like I'm losing my looks a bit.
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Are we ready for our first story?
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After a bit of talking, the woman invited herself back up to my hotel room where we began to have sex. For me, it was all about the thrill of being desired by someone other than my wife, especially by a very young woman. I was slightly drunk and I figured I'll probably never get the opportunity to sleep with a 21-year-old again. Ew.
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But the thrill wore off very quickly as I realized that I wasn't enjoying myself. Wow. When I'm with my wife, she's all over me, talking to me and telling me how hot I am, grabbing me, touching me, getting on top and so on. I feel like the hottest guy in the world when I'm in bed with my wife. With this girl, I felt like I could leave the room and she might not even notice, let alone care.
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Here we go. Am I the asshole for being very upset that my wife is helping her friend cheat on her husband?
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She seemed like she just wanted the ego boost of a guy finding her attractive. I couldn't stay aroused and I stopped about 10 minutes into it and asked her to leave, which she did. I took a shower and then called my wife to hear her voice. Now I'm back home, and so far I haven't told my wife about any of it.
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There's a guilty part of me that says I should because she deserves to know, but another part of me says why should I torpedo our happy marriage and cause her pain for something that I didn't even enjoy and will never do again? All it did was prove to me that I want my wife more than anyone else. I want to do the right thing, but I genuinely don't know what the right thing to do is here."
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I know that I will never, ever stray again. Should I tell her or keep it to myself?
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I'm going up to your hotel room. Hmm, I don't know how I'm gonna feel about this. Right. Right. Uh-oh. I hope I say okay to that.
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OP is saying that their wife is helping her friend cheat on her husband.
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Unbelievable. Halfway through, he's there. He's just like, I understand now.
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So the person, the guy writing this in, he's like, my wife is helping her friend cheat on her husband.
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There's no halfway. Yeah, the second he's engaging with her in any sort of real way, but especially the second that they are walking to the hotel room is for me, it almost doesn't matter
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That's the decision that you made. And he could have stopped it there. And it still is like, you need to absolutely have a massive conversation with your wife. And it probably is gonna be severe and suck. He's talking about it like, oh, why be honest with her? That'll torpedo. It's like, you torpedoed it. You already torpedoed it.
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It's going to be... I think it's going to be... There is less of a chance if you don't talk to her. I can't say it would be for this situation, but in the limited knowledge that I have on the research and stuff is that what tends to happen when someone cheats, and especially with affairs, but it's like... it actually weirdly causes resentment in the cheater.
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Because their partner doesn't know, and it creates this disconnect for them. And it's this rift that's going to grow between the two of you. It's impossible to really move on from and be in any sort of real relationship. It's so disrespectful to her. How he's even contemplating not telling her is a whole other thing. This is awful.
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Or the lack, or it will be that issue where, and it's this weird thing, I'm gonna butcher this, but in psychology, doing a bad thing can actually make you worse, because your brain then has to justify it. So then your brain morphs to, that was okay for me to do, and now that's where you're at. And it's like, these things grow in ourselves.
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It's why you kind of have to, you do have to acknowledge and treat things in your own head to mend it, almost like it is a wound that's inside of your own self, like a moral wound, and you kind of have to be like, wait, that's wrong, I have to acknowledge that and work on that.
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A while ago, my wife and her friend went on a weekend trip, which seemed fine. Turns out the friend didn't really want to go on the trip. She was meeting a guy, her best friend, her soulmate. Apparently these two have been messaging each other for years. My wife didn't know this, but obviously found out about it and told me, but she just ignored it because it wasn't our business.
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I think it's clear to say that this guy is only thinking about himself, not just in the cheating on his wife, but that he considers sex incomplete or not full the way because he didn't finish. It's entirely an act for himself. A lot of bad signs. Let's see what these comments. Oh, I'm excited.
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It sounds like you only regret having sex with this other woman because she was bad in bed. If this 21-year-old was incredible in bed and better than your wife in bed, would you have stopped in the middle? Someone else said, you didn't start to cheat. You cheated. Hard stop. You worded it this way to make yourself not sound bad. Let me say it again, you cheated.
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Don't forget that you said you didn't enjoy it because you felt she wasn't that into it. Would you have felt bad and still stopped if you thought she was great in bed? Again, you cheated. Lastly, someone said you didn't stop because you felt bad for cheating on your wife. You stopped because you were disappointed in the sex. I think that says a lot.
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If she had been good in bed, you likely would have done it with no second thought. You didn't start to cheat on your wife, you cheated on your wife. She deserves to know, don't act like you're doing her a favor by not causing her pain. Tell her you're delusional.
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Oh my god. Here we go. I really took a beating from Reddit when I made my first post, so maybe some of you will be happy to read this update, maybe not. I was still not sure whether to tell my wife what happened or not after making the post.
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This is not because I'm selfish, like some of you said, but because I was struggling to find the logic in telling her something that would hurt her when she didn't need to know because it was never going to happen again. But I did also take on board what others said about how if it was them, they would want to know and to some point I agreed with them about that.
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It didn't end up mattering because my wife realized something was up a few days after I got back from my work trip. as it happens.
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The people who believe that they're gonna get away with shit, you are either being able to get away with it, I think is worse. Then you're even more. What does it say about you? Or two, you're not gonna get away with it.
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My wife realized something was up after a few days after I got back from my work trip. She brought up how I'd been very quiet and seemed off ever since getting back, and she looked and sounded so worried about me that I decided in the moment to tell her. I didn't want us to have any secrets from each other. I loved you so much. loved, past tense.
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I asked if she could really just fall out of love so quickly, and she said yes. In the space of a few minutes, I had gone from the love of her life and the man she wanted to grow old with to just another sad man having a midlife crisis. We talked for most of the night, but she wouldn't budge. She turned down my offer
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We didn't tell the husband. It was a weird WTF kind of thing. Oof. Oh, puppy poopy. Am I the asshole for being outraged, feeling betrayed, feeling that our marriage is a fucking joke, and frankly wanting to end it? If her and the girls make such a farce of marriage and help each other out and cover for each other cheating, what the fuck is our marriage?
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marriage counseling or counseling for just myself i suggested we take a short week's break so she can think about things but her mind is made up we are filing for divorce and in the meantime i am sleeping in our spare room so she can remain in our marital bed this is not how i wanted any of this to go she is without a doubt the woman i love and the woman i will always love and if i could go back in time i would lock myself in my hotel room for the entire work trip
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and only come out for the conference. I hold hope that she might one day change her mind all the same. Our connection is too strong to be destroyed by 30 minutes of poor decision making.
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It's a little more than that.
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And she's like, you're on Reddit?
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Which doesn't help in his promise that he's never gonna do this again.
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I hear what you're saying, and the tough thing is that this is a post written by him, and it's tough to know because he's in the after phase of having done this. In the phase where I think he is trying to justify it to us as much as he is his wife. So it makes me question the legitimacy of all these things. What actually did happen between him and this woman and then the hotel room.
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It's hard to know. And the problem is his wife is now in a situation of like, I thought I knew you and I don't.
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And that's really tough. And some people, I think, immediately know, like, oh, I know myself enough that this is done. She thought she was married to someone who would never do this to her, and she found out, oh, I actually don't know you because that's who I thought you were, and now it's not the case.
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Yeah, it's one of those areas where like cheating is such a weird sphere where it's like you're not a murderer. Right. But as far as a relationship goes, like... You've murdered the relationship. Like it's as bad as it can get before becoming full-on crime territory. Yeah. I...
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To me, it's one of those situations where I'm like, this is the commitment part of it, where, you know, yeah, in our life we fluctuate, we do all sorts of things, we make mistakes, whatever, but I think it's a situation to me where I'm like, this is an easy promise to make to someone and to hold them, just like, look, man, this is a hard line thing, just don't do this.
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And I think the problem is they're 40, I wonder how long they've been married. It could be many years, it could be they've been married for 15 years. So they made that promise 15 years ago and they go, yeah, for sure, we're never going to.
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They've been married for five years. And I don't know how long they've been together, but, you know, I think some people, they get into some situations where they go, well, I'm in a situation where I've been feeling bad about myself and we haven't been talking or whatever. And they justify it. And to me, I'm just like, it's one of those where it's like, it's just make it a rule for yourself.
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Absolutely. Because it will destroy it. No matter what, it's going to be a bad outcome. Just... no matter how right it might feel in the moment, just say no.
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Yeah, yeah. To have someone tell you that they cheated on you and try to follow it up with any sort of excuse or justification, I think it would have been either way, but it makes me wonder had he not followed it up with all the excuses and justification, if it would have been different at all, probably not, but it's certainly not what you wanna hear. This is such an unreliable narrator right now.
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My inclination based on the wife's reaction, I think this is all, many degrees worse than what we're getting. Absolutely. All right, it's time for our final story, and I've been hearing about this one all day from our producers. No!
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Here we go. Did he cheat, or did I catch an STD from a koala?
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This is what we're about. This is a 27 year old woman. My husband who's 28 and I have been together for five years after being friends for most of my teenage years. We have two sons and this took place in March of 2020 when I was three months pregnant with my second child. I had gone to my 13 week scan follow up after the ultrasound alerted something wasn't right.
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I fully expected the worst, but my GP just said they could see something on the scans with my fallopian tubes. Nothing was wrong with the baby and wanted to get bloods and swabs done. When the results came back, my GP called me to come in urgently. That's when she showed me that my tests had returned positive for chlamydia. I was shocked and my GP knew I had been with my husband for years.
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She was my doctor all the way back when my first son was born. She knew all of our history. She straight up asked me if our relationship was monogamous and I of course said yes. She gave me the rundown of treatments and scripts telling me that my husband would need to come be tested as well to confirm before he too would likely need treatment. All with a look of pity.
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She was thinking it, I was thinking it. My partner had cheated on me and given me an STD. I'm furious and heartbroken, but I go home and take a hot shower scrubbing myself clean. Then I sit down in our home, our family photo hung on the wall mocking me, and call him.
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I am seriously considering telling my wife that she can make her own decisions, but they have consequences. And when she returns for the fuck fest cheating weekend, the locks will be changed and the divorce papers will be pinned to the front door. Oh. Yai.
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He is at work and I'm crying on the phone explaining that I've just been to the doctors and gotten results that I'm positive for chlamydia. And how could you do this, you bastard? All the works. I hang up and he is calling me over and over, but I'm trying to calm down as I have to collect our son from daycare and still be put together as a mother somehow.
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I ignore his calls and go about my day utterly crushed. I'm giving our son dinner when he comes home. He comes into the house and sets his stuff down loudly and throws his keys at the wall. He sees that I've got our son so he just walks into the bedroom and slams the door and I hear the shower run. I'm confused and even more hurt because I don't know what I was expecting but this wasn't it.
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I finish feeding our son and bed routine then settle him to sleep. It's about 8 p.m. by now and I'm exhausted but I go to the room to talk to my husband and he is sitting on the bed holding his head in his hands crying. I walk over to him and say, I don't know how you could do this to me and our family, but you've given me an STD and you also need to get tested and take this medication.
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He looks at me, eyes red raw, yelling that I am a sick and twisted person for cheating on him, getting an STD and then blaming him for it. I have never cheated and I hate cheating. It's a disgusting act to do to someone you love. But he is adamant that he has also never strayed and our argument ends with us waking up our son so I go to settle him.
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When I came out, he had packed a bag and was leaving. He said he was going to stay with his parents for a bit. He left, I cried all night. The next few weeks were hell. He tested positive, obviously, both of us accusing each other. It got to the point that I asked if he wanted to separate because I didn't see how this could be resolved since neither of us would own up.
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He said he would tell me the answer if the pregnancy I was carrying truly was his after a paternity test. We went and got the tests and of course it was his child. We went to therapy, which never really solved anything. He eventually moved back in,
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All of our history combined with knowing that at the end of the day, I love this man and didn't want a broken family was a big part of why I eventually decided to just accept that he cheated and wouldn't own up to it. We just moved on with life. I loved him and a part of me thought him admitting it would be worse. I'd want to know names, faces, details, and ugh.
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As more time went by, I became okay with leaving it. So it's more than two and a half years later now, and Adam is scrolling through TikTok when this reel with Robert Irwin comes on. He was talking about how the biggest threat to koala populations is chlamydia. I swear if a light bulb appeared in his head, it would have shown out of his ears because I saw him start to piece things together.
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He now has come to the conclusion that he thinks he did give me chlamydia, but not through cheating. Back in mid-late 2019, there were huge bushfires in Queensland. OP lives in Australia. In September, Adam and I attended the Bohemian Beat Freaks Festival, and along our drive into camp, we came across so many koalas that had been displaced.
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The event was nearly canceled due to fires burning near the site in the weeks prior, so these koalas were just by the side of the road, exhausted. At one point, we pulled over, and Adam grabbed some water for these poor guys. One little fellow was so thirsty and exhausted, he was holding onto my partner's arm as he drank. And yes, Adam picked this koala up and gave him a cuddle.
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And yes, the koala proceeded to pee all over his shirt and arm. We laughed it off, moved him off the road track, and continued on. Now, being a festival in the middle of the bush, there are only showers that you pay for. We were not planning on using it to shower until the last day. He had taken off the shirt and washed his hands with bottled water.
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We arrived and set up camp and then went to a party and forgot about the koala completely. Over those days, we had sex a lot. Yeah, writing this now, I realize how gross it all sounds, but that's the culture of Aussie Bush doofs. And we were young parents who had a rare break from having our son. So we go down a rabbit hole of research and find out that, yes, you can catch it from koalas. Fuck me.
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Adam is so fast to make an appointment at our GP's office. We show up and explain everything. And even she agreed with him that, yes, it is possible that is where the STD could have originated from. We were completely asymptomatic so we could have had it from then and then it was only detected during my pregnancy. So now we have an explanation and my husband is all for it.
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He says it all makes sense and I can see how he has changed since then. He is more relaxed with me, more trusting, but a part of me having thought it was from him being unfaithful has stuck. Our relationship has still been okay these last few years, but I'll admit it's been strained. Our sex life dwindled a lot and we both became almost toxic with each other in terms of who the other was talking to
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or texting, always feeling on edge when the other was out alone, et cetera. He would randomly come out with, you can tell me the truth and I'll still love you, so many times that it would spark an argument. And our friends who knew the story had ditched us long ago thinking that one of us was a cheater and the other was stupid for staying.
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We learned to keep this part of our lives private to avoid all the bull crap. Since finding this out, it's like my husband has changed again. He is back to the loving, affectionate, caring man he was before this started. He has accepted this explanation so easily. But now, how do I wrap my head around that my husband did in fact give me chlamydia, but from a fucking koala?
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Right, right. Right, because it's one reaction to go, oh, she's cheating on him, that's her business. It's another to be like, I will go with you on this trip so I can be your alibi so you can lie to your husband. That is a whole new beast.
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And how do we undo all the toxic crap that has been between us and move into a healthier, trusting relationship? I still in some ways feel as if he cheated on me, and I'm not able to completely let this go because truly, Unless he says something different, I'll never really know, and this seems too convenient to the whole situation to put me at ease. I just don't know.
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It sounds crazy, but this has been my life for nearly three years, with this new information stressing me out again these last six odd months.
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Yeah, let's sit in that for a second, guys. Let's hold space for koalas.
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That's good. Ooh. Wow. Wow. Okay. Wow. So. Yeah. I'm a little curious. I've been to Australia, but I don't know Australia too well. Is this not something that a doctor would be like, hey, we do also have koalas around. Right. And they've all got chlamydia.
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How could I have gotten chlamydia?
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I mean, I guess, to be fair, besides koalas, there really is only one way.
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I think I knew that koalas carry chlamydia. Now, to be fair, a koala did pee all over him. And he didn't bathe. And he didn't bathe.
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Yeah. Huge. Thank you. So, I mean, that's a lot that happened. Right. I'm also of the... I mean, man, like, you handle a wild animal. A wild animal pees on you. You might want to go to the doctor and make sure that you... Didn't catch anything from that. Right, right. So. Yeah, yeah. Wow.
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It really is peculiar. What is, this is a fascinating story in that They likely didn't cheat on each other, but they lived through three years of thinking that they cheated on each other. Yeah. And does that not do the same damage as... And that is damaging. It might as well have happened. Right. And they did also see what they would do if they cheated on one another and just moving on from it.
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They desperately need couples therapy because what they've now gone through is pretty rough.
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The koala seems more believable to me right now. Yeah. There's one comment here. All right, so I searched it up because I was curious to see if it was true. And well, yeah, it is. This is what came up for those who don't feel like searching it up yourself. Yes, koalas can give chlamydia to humans.
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Chlamydia is a common sexually transmitted disease in humans and a different strain of the bacteria can infect koalas. This strain can be spread through contact with an infected koala's urine or feces. Now, different strain. Will it still pop up on the tests in the doctors as chlamydia? What does that mean? Like, does that mean it is the same chlamydia or is that going to be a different chlamydia?
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We have one other comment. A comment above says it's a different strain in koalas. Could the lab tell which if they still have the results? Would that strain even show up on a human STD panel? I'll say more therapy is needed now though and it seems like time is needed too as this is a newer adjustment to your reality.
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The trauma you both felt for years is real and your body can't tell that it was based on something that may not be true. OP responded, I don't know, but this is something I'm going to ask my GP next now. If there are different strains, surely they can tell on a test. I might have just found the actual concrete answer I've been looking for. Thank you. Wow. Update.
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She's getting paid 3K to do this? That she will pay probably about $3,000 for the sole purpose of cheating on her husband again. Oh, so the vacation costs $3,000. The vacation's free.
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So if... Sorry, I haven't read anything. If it's not koala chlamydia, if it's not koala midia. Koala midia, then it's cheating. If it's not koala midia, then it's not only cheating, it's like now we're at nuclear levels. That three years later, he found an excuse on TikTok and was like. Got it. And that means he put his face down and cried lying to her.
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Ladies and gentlemen, bring out the koala. Koala walks out.
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All right. What are your bets? Koala chlamydia? Regular chlamydia?
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It is not great options to choose from.
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No, they're not. Okay. I sat my husband down last evening and spoke about how I'm feeling now that we know the truth. I talked about how much pain I've been put through with him accusing me and vice versa, and I apologized for my part in things, told him how much I loved him and how happy I was to finally put this to rest now that we both know there is nothing between us.
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And then he starts fidgeting and getting upset, and he tells me that he cheated. Whimsy is dead. Yep, I know, but he still didn't give me the STD, he says. In the months, oh, fuck. No. In the months after finding out, yes, our relationship was in a really bad place, when he wasn't living at home at that time, he went out and had a one-night stand with a girl from a pub in the town over.
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And the wife isn't getting paid. The wife is not getting paid. So it's not for 3K.
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He explained that he genuinely believed that I cheated, and after a few drinks, he decided he was going to end things with me. so he went ahead with sleeping with this girl. It was his way of getting back at me. Plus, he was convinced that our baby wasn't his, so he was really in a broken place.
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But the next day we met up and this was the day I brought up separating and he said that instantly he had a regret and felt as if things were even now. He decided he would stay if I did a paternity test and the baby was his, which he was. He thought that if I was never going to tell him I cheated, He would never tell me either.
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He only told me now because he realized how stupid he was and wishes he could take it back, but he can't. Now this koala knowledge has left him feeling guilty. I asked about the girl and he says he only knows her first name, hasn't had contact with her since, and she means nothing. But my God, this blows.
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But you're just getting a $3,000 vacation for free. Right, right, right. To go with this friend.
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Remember how I said in my post that since finding out my husband is back to his caring affectionate self? Well, now I know why. He was trying to make up for his mess up and people were mad at me for not instantly accepting that my STD could have come from a koala, but I swear there was a part of me that instinctively knew this. Maybe that's why I was holding on.
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It all feels hollow, I feel numb, I'm sitting on a park bench right now while our sons play and I just don't know what to do. Cheating is a deal breaker for me and I never slept with anyone. I never considered a payback tit for tat move against him. So why did he do it to me? I'm heartbroken and a part of me wishes we could go back to before all of this happened. I can't break up my family.
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We have two kids, two dogs, two cats, two cars, and a house together. It would be a mess, but I don't know how to take this on now. He could have told me this six months ago when we first found out about this new possibility, but he didn't. He waited until I poured my heart out to him in an apology to dump on me this confession. I can't look at him right now and he knows it.
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I guess I'll take a few days to process and then decide things, but I'll probably stay. I love him so much even though this has broken a little part of me I just found again. Oh, well. I get that a lot of people are now convinced my husband is some sick sadist, but I genuinely do not believe that is true. I don't think he manipulated me for years.
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I don't think he gave me the STD or cheated before all of that crap happened. I do believe the STD came from the koala. Why admit to things now if not? Before, yeah, he felt justified, but now he just thinks he is an idiot for doing what he did. I believe him when he says it was the only time it's ever happened. And if people think I'm a fool, that's okay.
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I'm processing this all in my own time regardless. But the way I see it, we had a really unfortunate thing happen and the STD planted doubt. And he fucked up. But the way it came out shows me that my husband is dedicated. Man, I really skipped over writing about our actual conversation when he confessed, but it wasn't manipulative at all. It was raw and ugly and in no way did he blame me.
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He only kept repeating, I really thought you cheated and I'm a fucking idiot and I'm so sorry. I'm going to take the advice of a few people who have said I should take a break. I've asked him to go stay at his parents whilst I think things through and take time. And yes, I did say that cheating was a deal breaker for me, but my actions have shown otherwise.
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So that's something I've learned about myself. Maybe that was just an ideal that a younger me that viewed the world in black and white held on to. But now I've experienced how life has much more to it, and I guess now that it's not the case anymore. Another person said that the stages of grief aren't linear, and it seems as if I've started at acceptance. Maybe that's true too.
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Either way, a break, some hard conversations with the therapist, and my own choice will be the determining factor in the fate of my marriage.
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So it was the one we didn't consider.
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Where it was both. So we did find out that the koala did give? The koala did give him chlamydia.
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So technically, if we're talking about the situation before the chlamydia, no, they never cheated on each other before then. He got chlamydia from a koala, gave it to her, they had chlamydia, they both assumed each other was cheating on each other. He then took that as, well, she's cheating on me, this relationship's over, my son's not even mine, I'm gonna get drunk and sleep with someone.
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Then they... kind of just go back to being together, moving past it for three years. Then he finds out, oh, she never did cheat on me. And now I cheated on her.
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Giving koala. This is Australian Shakespeare.
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She's... she is allowed to do what she wants to do, right?
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This is, yeah, I mean, this is that classic friend situation, you know, where it's like, it's the Joey that we were on a break thing.
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Oh, Ross and Rachel. I thought it was Joey.
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You know, it's like when George. But like, this is such a unique, I think everybody would have a completely different strategy. Absolutely.
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It's, yeah. This is truly tragedy, tragedy level insane story. I am so curious what people, in the comments would say they would do. Because I just think it's all over the place.
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Yeah. When they go to a couples therapist, that therapist's head is going to, like, spin around.
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So... I don't think a koala did that to you.
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That's all I got to say. That's my takeaway. This is a huge wow.
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These have been some stories.
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Well, thank you both for being here. Thank you. Thank you. Talking through your stories with me. Guys, March 8th, we'll be doing Smosh Reads Reddit Stories live at the Dynasty Typewriter Theater. You can watch the live stream by going to live.smosh.com and getting tickets. It is going to be so much fun. We hope to have you there watching us online.
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And also, we'll be back, as always, next Saturday. So we'll see you then. Goodbye.
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I think it's hard for me to picture because I have a hard time imagining any of my friends cheating on their partners. I think it would be a situation, too, where if a close friend of mine, which it would be shocking to me, if they were like, I'm cheating on my partner, I think it would be a situation of like, As their friend, I would feel it's important for me to be like, you need to tell them.
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That's my advice to you as your friend. And I don't think she's doing that, obviously, in this case.
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It's like, hey, as your friend, that's part of my job as your friend to be like, you need to do this.
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And it is a situation of if they're like, no, I don't care, whatever. I'd be like, this changes how I view you.
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Yeah. You're not who I thought you were.
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Now, this obviously, we're not talking about that. We're talking about far, far past that.
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And also, the dynamic between the wife and her friend is one thing. It's how the husband feels about it. And he's nervous now. What does this mean?
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I think, what I do think is this is jumping pretty far past what he needs to do first, which is talk to her. Right. And go, hey, I... have a massive problem with you doing this. If you do this, like, who are you?
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Exactly. I could see the wife and friend justifying it by being like, this friend's husband is shitty or has been ignoring her. That's a situation where I understand where we don't know what's going on with certain dynamics. I still think this is not how you go about it.
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There's a better solution. There's always the better solution, even if that is divorce. And this is just full-on dishonesty here. And I mean, I think certainly if I was in this husband's position, I would be feeling the same way. I'd be terrified. Verdict was not the asshole. Comments, not the asshole. Ask your wife if you were cheating, would she want people to tell her?
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Fair, and the answer's always yes. Another comment, my friend, you know your wife is happy to facilitate cheating and that says a lot about her and none of it is good. If you continue to trust your wife would never cheat on you, then you are thicker than a mattress baguette. Mattress baguette?
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Yeah, show us. Show us the mattress baguette.
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Lastly, not the asshole, divorce her. If she would assist someone else cheating, you can bet she would have no problem asking her friend to do the same for her. I think my question is, what if he talks to her, he goes, I have a massive problem with this, don't do this, this makes me uncomfortable. She goes, you're right, I'm not gonna do it, I'm gonna stop. Is that enough?
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Because at this point, you're already like, oh man, you were so willing and had no problem doing this. Now that you know that I have a problem with it and you dial it back, is my trust still there?
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I wish the rest of the comments were just like, mattress baguette?
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Right. So our producers have Googled mattress baguette and we've gotten zero hits.
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Our next episode is called Mattress Baguette Stories.
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Yeah, I mean, for me, with every Reddit story, unless it's something really extreme and dangerous, I'm always like, talk to them.
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You know, you gave us less than a page of information, and there's always going to be a ton of comments saying, divorce her. It's like, well... you're married, talk, unless everything leading up to this was completely empty and worthless, have the conversation if you actually trust each other and decide if you still trust her.
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Is it more of a mattress or more of a baguette?
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Is it edible? The problem is baguette was the last word which infers that the mattress is the adjective.
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So it must be a baguette. Baguette. That is mattress. That is mattress.
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No, there isn't. Our next story comes from relationship advice.
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Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today it's a genre that we love to hate, cheating. And I am joined by two people who also hate cheating.
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This is a 34 year old woman. My husband who's 30 said I wasn't attractive enough to cheat on him. Question mark. My husband said I wasn't attractive enough to cheat on him. My husband is gorgeous, everybody says so. I consider myself pretty, but unremarkable. My features aren't exactly supermodel material, but I do the best I can with what God gave me.
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I have nice skin thanks to skincare, a decent body thanks to the gym, and so on. But compared to my husband, I might as well be a troll. Even my own mom thought my husband must be gay and in the closet or hiding sketchy things because of how much more attractive he is than me. It's the first thing people notice when we're out.
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I've had women flirt with him right in front of me and have had two girls I know try to get with him behind my back. I even question why he's with me sometimes. I'm insecure about it, but my husband has always said that he loved me and thought I was beautiful and did not listen to other people. Yesterday changed everything. I bumped into an old boyfriend from college.
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We parted on good terms, and it turns out he's doing very well for himself in his career. I'm looking to change jobs, and I'm pretty decent at what I do. We exchanged LinkedIns. There was nothing inappropriate about our conversation, and I would have no problem if my husband was there to hear it. My husband started an argument the minute I came home.
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Welcome to Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is all about revenge. And I'm joined by two people who I plan on getting revenge on. Wait. Chance and Courtney.
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This is some, and he's that hung up on it. I'm like, it honestly makes me, look, I'm just vamping a little bit here. Okay, go off, Keith. He's talking about how he's had so much luck with women since then. I'm like, I'm questioning that. Like, if you're really, if you were actually out and having success in the dating scene, but you were still so hung up on this person, I'm like, come on, move.
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And anyone who says I've had so much luck with women, it's like, Luck with women sounds like you sleep with a lot of people, not you're dating a lot of people. You're in a lot of healthy relationships with a lot of people. It sounds like maybe he's done some work on himself. He's gotten into some shape. Maybe he's, I don't know, some things, but there's some work that needs to be done.
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Okay, next story. This comes from Petty Revenge. Mock me for not going to a strip club? Wait until your wife finds out. Okay. Let's go. This sounds like revenge. This sounds like revenge. I'm gonna say early, snitches get stitches. Okay, let's go. Okay. A bit of a backstory, but it makes the revenge even better. I've worked in software sales for the bulk of my career.
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About 10 years ago, my company was hosting its annual user conference in Las Vegas. As a sales guy, I pretty much had carte blanche on expenses as long as it involved clients. Expensive dinners, drinks, tables at clubs, et cetera. The only unbreakable rule was we couldn't pay for strippers. Having been in the industry long enough, I realized what guys would do to get around this.
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It was common for them to explain to a manager at a strip club and then they would have the girls tips added to the bottle service. Even with that in place, I never thought it was a good idea to play that game, nor did I think it was a good idea to go to a strip club with clients. It was never a good look in my mind.
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I was roughly 27 or 28 at the time, and one of the older guys, late 40s, Jim, was the typical sleazy sales guy. He would tell half-truths to prospects, overcharge them, oversell, etc., the type that creates a hassle for the services and implementation teams. But he still got paid, so he didn't care. And when he got to Vegas, Jim would go crazy entertaining clients and himself.
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Sometimes he would go to dinner by himself, but say some senior VP was with him, and he also abused the stripper loophole. One of the reasons he tried to get a group to the strip club each night was that he had a very conservative wife. She made the kids go to a local Christian school and the family went to church every Sunday.
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She hated the annual trips to Vegas to the point he would tell stories that he wasn't allowed to bring his suitcase in the house. He had to leave it in the garage where the laundry room was and she would wash his clothes and then sanitize the washing machine. On the last night of the conference, he organized a shuttle from one of the big strip clubs to pick up a group.
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There were some open seats he was trying to fill to meet the minimum commitment for free entry to the club. Jim saw me speaking to a client and invited us, but I declined. He started mocking me about being scared of pretty ladies, or that I would probably nut the first time one of them touched me, et cetera. This would have normally not bothered me, but he did it in front of my client.
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I stated, I don't wanna go because I don't think it's professional. He left, I bought my client another round, and we joked about the douchebag. Then I was on my own and decided to walk the strip a bit and head to bed early due to an early morning flight. If you've ever been to Vegas, there are people on the sidewalk handing out cards that are essentially ads for escorts.
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They legally can't speak to you, so they slap the cards on their hands to get your attention. All right, here we go. When he was out of sight, I added those escort cards in his bag. When his wife went to do her laundry routine when he got home, she was not happy.
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Oh yeah, let's see. All right, our first story comes from Petty Revenge. Cab driver rips me to shreds thinking I can't understand him, but I can. Oh, see. Classic, classic. Obligatory, this happened several years ago. A few months after I moved to Chicago, I had moved there from Romania where I'd been living and going to school.
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She didn't believe in divorce, but they were suddenly going to church three times a week and at a weekly counseling session with their pastor. This also led to Jim dropping out of his weekly golf league. He was telling us all the story at the office looking for sympathy, and he swore he never took those cards, but couldn't remember since he was so drunk.
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Whoa. This is interesting, because Jim is an asshole. I hate him. Jim sounds pretty awful. So this is... It seems like the story is inferring that the wife is already well aware that Jim is a piece of shit and is doing all sorts of stuff. That she's like, leave the bag out in the garage and we're gonna wash all your clothes and then I'm gonna sanitize the washing machine.
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It seems like the context clues say that she's like, I know you're messing around and don't bring that sin into the house. It's also like, I know you're going to the strip club. It's not, I know you're going home with an escort. That. which is where the line gets a little tricky, because I'm like, oh, he kind of framed him for something that he didn't do. Right.
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Which I'm like, oh, that's kind of weird, too. You probably should, also, it's not your, get out of his business. Like, you might not like Jim, but it's not, you're not an arbiter of justice here. You're not fucking Batman. Like...
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You did it, dude. Yeah, he doesn't know him well.
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And it does sound like she knows things are going on. The story makes me think that. Yeah, at least she knows that he's going to the strip club and she's like, if you're going to the strip club, I'm gonna wash your clothes outside and then sanitize everything. Yeah. If you're sleeping with someone, that's something different that she might, apparently is not okay with.
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Based on even just reading the story though, Jim has cheated on her for sure. Come on. Jim is like, he's like a play from the 1940s. He's just like, dude.
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It could also be heavily exaggerated. He was telling you this story at work looking for something. He was saying that Jim is spouting all this stuff at work and that seems very possible. A lot of these types of dudes are, it's so funny, 50 to like 60 year old dudes we'll just tell you fucking everything. They'll tell dudes everything. They'll just start spouting off.
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So I actually believe that he is telling them all this. It also sounds like this is a little pent up and that he's hated Jim for a long time. So he's finally got a chance to just kind of fuck over Jim. Jim's probably disrespecting him on a daily basis.
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Yeah, sales, software sales.
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Actually, yeah, I think they do.
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love romania people are great drop what you're doing and visit anyway while i was there due to my living situation i had to learn the language fast and thoroughly not many people around me spoke english outside of the uni i was at so fast forward to the few months after i arrived in chicago Imagine my surprise when the driver of the Uber I had ordered appeared to have a Romanian name.
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I do feel, this is the thing that's tough, though, is like, he's getting revenge on Jim, but he's also kind of, he's affecting Jim's wife. Yes. Like... That's what sucks here is you're actually, probably who you hurt the most is Jim's wife. Because Jim doesn't seem like he gives a shit. Well, yeah, well Jim hurt Jim's wife the most. That's also fair, yes.
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Jim is hurting Jim's wife, but it's like, what are you really doing here as an exterior force? It feels like there's a lot of behavior here that should just actually be brought up to the boss.
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That makes more sense. You are at this job with this coworker and that's like an HR type of thing. That's something that can be solved. You're not involved with the wife at all or you shouldn't be. Comments here. Someone said, beautiful. Did it occur to Jim to be more respectful of his wife and employers? Of course not. Someone said, not so sure it's petty revenge, but it sure as hell is revenge.
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Yeah, this is a little bit more of like, that's a little more nuclear. You're impacting a marriage. That's not petty.
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You know what this makes me think of? When I was a kid, my family would go to Vegas. And you went to the strip club. was a kid, I've never been to a strip club. I've never been to a strip club either. Oh my god, should we go to a strip club, you guys?
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Bring them in. I'm trying to think of what age I was. I know I was definitely a kid, but they would hand me those cards. And I was stoked.
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You were stoked? I love trading cards. And also, Naked Lady. Escort trading cards? Oh, boo!
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I think it'd be epic to make a game out of it.
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Attack plus three, yeah.
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Sparkle! That's incredible. They were epic looking.
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They're like censored too. I've never seen them. They're crazy. They never hand them to me, why not? Fun fact, you have to be on the right side of the strip too. They can't pass them out on the side with the Bellagio and stuff. And I'm on the left side, am I right? Anyways, moving on. I don't even know if they still do it. They do. They do?
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We were in Vegas not that long ago. I was just in Vegas a couple weeks ago.
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We were on the left side. Because we're family. We're on the family side. Family.
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I feel like if you and I really went to Vegas for a couple days, we'd end the trip and your bag would be filled with them. Am I wrong? And my bag would be filled with those big grenade drinks. Still full. I did not. I did not. All melted. Can I tell you that I've never gotten one of those? And every time we've gone to Vegas, I'm always like, it'd be so funny to walk around with one. You have to.
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The area had a lot of Eastern Europeans, so I guess it shouldn't have been so surprising. I was really excited to talk to him and make sure I wasn't getting rusty. Maybe make a friend. Up pulls the guy, I get in, he greets me, but he appears to be on the phone with a buddy slash family member, so I just sit quietly in the back, listening in a bit.
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Chance, I cannot believe, you would, oh wait, no, you said never been to a strip club. You've been to Vegas. I've been to Vegas, yeah. I don't like Vegas. See, I don't love Vegas either. It's kind of crusty. I'm not a gambler.
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You've seen me roll dice. Awful. Yeah. Terrible. Anyways.
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And you have not denied it.
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Okay, okay. Next. Am I the asshole for hitting on my girlfriend's friend after she insisted on not telling them I'm her boyfriend?
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Wait. So her girlfriend's not telling them he's her boyfriend. So he's like, oh well I'll hit on your friend then. It's one of those things where I'm like, what do you want to happen, dude? Like, what are you hoping for here? Okay, let's see what happens. Let's see what the story is.
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I'm like, claim me, bitch, want me, love me, choose me. I see that, also fair. My girlfriend and I have been official for a few weeks now. She hasn't introduced me to her friend group yet, which I didn't think much of at first. We were all set to hang out, but before that, my girlfriend said to me not to mention we were together. I asked why and she said because she wasn't ready for it.
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For that night, I was okay with it. Afterwards, I told my girlfriend that I felt like crap and that I wanted to be seen as her boyfriend. She said not to worry and that she will be ready soon. But the second time she asked me to not mention it again, I was annoyed, but I agreed not to say anything.
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During that second time, I overheard one of her friends ask her if there was anything going on between us. She said, I was just a friend. I was hurt, to be honest. I knew what I agreed to, but it hurt to hear her say that. Later that night, one of her friends approached me and started hitting on me and asked me if I was into my girlfriend. I lied and said we were just friends.
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We spent the next two hours talking and lightly flirting. I didn't kiss her or anything like that, but did playfully shove her. I wasn't planning some revenge on my girlfriend or anything, but it felt nice to have someone flirt with me. My girlfriend was pissed. She said that I crossed a line with her friend. I told her we were just having fun and nothing happened.
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We got into a fight and I'm feeling confused now if I should apologize or not.
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The person on the other end asks if the driver is getting off work soon. He responded with something like the following. Yeah. was used to it, but I was a bit shocked that this guy was going off like that. Anyway, I'm just kinda sitting bemused in the backseat as we near my destination.
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This, in gay world, this happens all the time, where you're like, this is my friend, and they're like, okay, and you're at a party, and then people start flirting with your friend, and you just have to be, I have learned to just be okay with it. Like, if you're not going to claim it, other people are going to flirt, that is what happens.
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Hell yeah. Okay, well there's now why I need to get revenge, because you just did that. Welcome to Reddit Stories. Okay, you guys are giving me the reasons. Welcome to Reddit Stories.
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Yeah, I mean, he didn't... I mean, we'd have to... You'd have to see it to be like, what was this level? But, like, the friend also doesn't know, so she's doing that.
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And it's the second time, this is not the first time. She's introducing him to her friends. That was the first time, this is the second time.
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This is interesting. I kind of feel like he has the right to ask her, why are we hiding it?
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Give me a reason, because I can't think of a good one. Why are you, I personally, I talk to my friends about any boy that I ever, I'm like, there was a boy in Costco today. Like, I'm communicating, and so, like, my friends would know that already.
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Exactly. This is, and she's not telling her friends anything. Sounds like it. Because her friends are flirting with him, so she's keeping this fully open.
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This is kind of the consequence of.
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And it feels like a little bit, she's kind of friend zoning him. It's like she's prepping two friend zoned him. She's like, I don't want anyone to think that there was anything between us, so when I do friend zone you, it's gonna be fine.
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What if he was just like, I was just pushing her away because I wasn't trying to be with her. And I love that he's communicating what he wants and how he feels, and he's like, you don't want that, I'm ready to compromise. And he's hearing his girlfriend say, oh, we're just friends, which is hurtful. And so now someone's there flirting with him, it makes him feel like, oh, I feel wanted here now.
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The verdict was not the asshole comments, Bro, go for the girl who will flirt with you in public. That means she'll hold your hand in public, kiss you in public, be with you in public, treat you like you deserve to be treated.
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I don't know. That means... Yeah. That means she'll hold your hand in public, kiss you in public, be with you in public, suck your dick in public, treat you like you deserve to be treated. They wrote, no, I'm just kidding. Leave the girl who thinks that you are somebody who has to stay in the closet. Respect yourself.
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Someone else said, I can think of a few reasons why your girlfriend would hide the relationship. None of them are good for you. One, she's embarrassed of you. Two, she's not serious about the relationship. Three, she wants to be able to meet guys while hanging out with her friends and no one will question her on it. Dump her and get with her friend, not the asshole.
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Well, there's also the possibility that she hasn't fully wrapped up something else or something. That she also hasn't told her friends about. Yeah. And her friends aren't even questioning it, unless the friend is flirting with him as a means of getting her to finally admit something. Ooh.
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Last comment, not the asshole. Honestly, I would date the friend and stay friends with your girlfriend. Jokes aside, get away from this mess ASAP. Yeah. I think it's, I think what's just fair is like, okay, until we can publicly tell your friends that we're a couple, we're not officially together.
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Like, we're dating until then. Like don't lock yourself down if this person's, this person does sound like they're not trying to lock it down.
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A few weeks of being boyfriend and girlfriend. They have been, yeah, official for a few weeks. Official for a few weeks, which means they were talking before.
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It's weird. Poor guy.
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There's also like, I guess you don't owe it to anyone to tell them you're official. But if they're your friends, why would you not? It's also, it's interesting that she's, like her relationship with her friends is interesting to me. Where I'm like, okay.
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Yeah, what's real here?
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We're all just friends. That's probably what's going on. Okay, our next story.
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No update. Our next story, Petty Revenge. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Then I tell him, in Romanian, with all my might trying to pull off the distinct accent of the region I'd been living in, can you just pull over there on the right? I swear this guy's head did the exorcist girl's head move. And he turned a shade of red I have seen nowhere else in nature. He didn't say anything, just pulled over.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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When I got out, I said thanks and added, you're not attractive and you're also fat, so maybe you shouldn't make comments like that. I have never again reached such levels of self-pride. That, I changed my mind about revenge. That's not even revenge. I was gonna say, that's not revenge. That's the situation that he put himself in. She informed him of the reality of the situation.
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She was in full, yeah, she was right all the way.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Yeah, it's such a power that people who speak multiple languages have, is you probably end up hearing people talk shit when they don't know.
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No, no, no. She's just poking the back of his seat.
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I've told this story before, but one time I was on a flight and I was watching District 9 and I had headphones in and there was this guy sitting next to me and I could tell he was watching my screen for a long time and District 9 is shot like documentary news style and he taps me like 30 minutes in and he goes, he's like, and I take my earphones out and he's like, is this happening right now?
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And they also said it in English. They really wanted us to know. Ugly bitches. Have you seen those headphones that they have now? That automatically translate? I want to try them. Challenge Pit, we tried the headphones.
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And you go, you go. No, it's a, I'm like, yeah, I should have fucked with it. I was like, yeah, you're not hearing it. You should turn it on. Can you believe this? Here. When we land, shit's gonna be weird.
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Imagine. Oh, it was because I was, I was, it was from South Africa. I was on a flight from South Africa. Whoa. And the movie takes place in Johannesburg. That's crazy. Have you seen the photo? There's this incredible photo. So you know how, like, a lot of those games, you can play them online, like, you can play them against people in the plane? Uh-huh. Oh, yes.
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So there's a great photo of a guy playing Battleship, and he's like, does the guy, does my opponent know that I can see his screen? So he's just killing him in Battleship. Cheating. Yeah. Thank you. But it's funny. Yeah. Okay, comments. I have seen people on a plane applaud a couple times.
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Once when some jerk got thrown off the plane before we ever got off the ground, and once after the pilot landed us safely after a particularly bad storm situation. Someone else said, The executive tells the VP his name and title and then fires him on the spot, stating that they expect better behavior out of their executives.
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Lastly, someone said, this may be the best petty revenge I've ever heard. Thank you, OP, on behalf of all of us. I might add, I don't think it's petty. It's just correct. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she, she, I think she was going to get fired if this somehow miraculously didn't fire her. She was going to get fired. Rotting fruit. I'm also confused. Are, are they allowed, do they have to keep serving you?
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Right. Can't they cut you off? And why did they cut off the whole cabin? Like, I'm just like, I didn't know that. I thought, I did think that there was a two drink limit on planes. No, there's definitely not a two drink limit. I, I. I guess I don't drink on flights just because flights already make me feel like shit and I worry that if I drink I'm gonna feel like more shit after.
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Challenge Pit, we tried the headphones. I'm just someone who assumes a lot of things about people. I assume people understand. I would, if I was in another country or when I've been in other countries, I'm not talking trash because I'm like any, to be fair also with English, like it's just such a widely spoken language. I assume people know it a lot of times.
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The only time I drank on flights was actually when we used to fly to Sacramento to film sketches.
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Not on the way there. Well, I mean. Well, sometimes on the way there. Sometimes on the way there because we'd land there and then we would go to bed and then film the next day. The next day, yeah, you're right. But we would get drink tickets because we were A-plus preferred because we were flying so much. But it's a 45-minute flight.
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So they literally will come by, get your drink order, they will bring you your drink, and then literally less than 10 minutes later they'll come to get the trash. So I will order a beer and quite literally chug it. That's what I was doing. I was like, can I get a Modelo?
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And they're like, they hand it to me, and I'm just like, and they'll literally, they will tell you, they're like, you need to drink that fast, because we're going to be right back.
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No. We would all sit by her. I would sit by myself. Keith and Noah would sit next to each other. And fight the whole time. They would fight the whole time. Yeah. And then maybe you and Olivia.
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And then I would just be like, I'm going to go sit by myself. And I'd sit there and I'd chug a beer. That was me back then, baby.
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Oh, yeah. Bloody Mary on a flight. That sounds like it.
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But Bloody Marys don't count. What? I'm just kidding.
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Bloody Marys don't count. You can just have those whenever.
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All right. I liked it.
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Okay, our next story. Am I the asshole for struggling to forgive my husband for his petty revenge on me? I feel crazy. So the husband got revenge on her and she can't forgive him for it. But that means she did something first. He got revenge. And now she can't handle it.
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Now that years later. And I will also say, she could have done something and not meant it to be bad, but it still hurts. And then he gets revenge. Right, exactly. And it's the intent for me. So I wouldn't be able to get over the intent either. So let's see. Let's see. My husband, who's 34, and I, 32, 32-year-old woman, have been married for six years.
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Two months ago, I stopped him from going on a bachelor's trip with his long-term school friends. I was okay and was kinda looking forward to him having fun until I learned he hid the fact that they would be doing a lot of adult-themed activities, think strippers and happy-end massages, as a part of their itinerary.
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It caused a huge fight, as we've always maintained that this is a deal breaker for me, and the fact that he hid it from me made it worse. He argued that he only did it because of my tendency to overreact. And of course he wouldn't engage in those activities, but that didn't mean he couldn't go.
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I would have been fine with him going if he told me about their itinerary and trusted the fact that he would keep away. What he did broke my trust and the only way I could see him earning it back is if he voluntarily told his friends that he couldn't come, which he did. At the time he looked really apologetic and we made up. He took me shopping and it was all good. Thank you for watching.
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I'm confused. I just tried them on in the store and I'm a size 14, as the label on the dress said. So no, I didn't get the wrong size from the store. Then another dress was tight, same with the pants and other tops. I start feeling absolutely crazy. Had I just put on so much weight in a matter of a few weeks that my new dresses didn't even fit? I thought he must have noticed if I'd put on weight.
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I was a wreck. I was feeling crazy for a few weeks now. Even the clothes that I had before felt tighter. I don't know if it was a placebo or real, but it didn't help. My husband a few days ago during dinner said he wanted to confess something. He was snickering while saying this, and what he said absolutely crushed me.
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Wow. I'm not offended. You heard it here. Shane Top assumes everyone knows English. Just kidding.
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He said that while I was gone to see my sister, who had just had a baby, for a week, he had secretly taken all my outfits that he knows I routinely wear and gave them to the local tailor to make them a size or two smaller. I'm sorry. It's been some time since he confessed and offered to get them stitched back to original size. I'm struggling with what he just did. I want to forgive him.
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I never knew how resentful he was of me about that trip. Maybe it's my fault. I should have been more trusting. I knew he would never cheat. In my heart, I knew he would keep away. And from his POV, his petty revenge on me probably feels deserved. I would be mad too if he stopped me from doing something I was looking forward to doing. But still, if you were me, how would you feel?
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Has anyone had their spouse do petty revenge on them?
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That's like some Joker shit. Also, first off, you stitch things to be a smaller size. I don't feel like you can stitch them to be a bigger size. I don't think that's how shit works.
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No, he ruined all her outfits. That's crazy. Which is also expensive. Why is he expensive? What?
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Like when I was in Japan, it's just like, oh, a lot of people just spoke English. Like more than you realize do. So this guy being Romanian probably just thought, what are the chances?
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Her swearing up and down that he would never cheat, but I'm like, but he wasn't telling you about all this stuff. Also, there's some activities, like happy end massages. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about here? Definitely suspicious activity. Like, talk about that normal bachelor trip behavior. That's crazy. Like, go play pool. Hell yeah, man. And his reaction is really bad.
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He was keeping it a secret and then he's like, oh, I wasn't telling you because you overreact. I just can't wrap up my mind, wrap up my mind around someone that would put so much effort into something so unfunny.
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It's not funny at all. It's not, like, it makes her go crazy. Oh my God, yeah. It is also establishing, like, establishing you're getting revenge on her I don't know. It implies that, oh, I was doing, there was nothing wrong with my situation. But it's like, you kept something secret. Like, you actually really hurt her first. I don't know. This does not sound good. No, no, no, no.
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And you fucking know that if she was going on some trip where there was gonna be, like, some hot dancing dudes or situations similar to this, the flip, this guy would not be cool with it. Just know that, based on his behavior here. Yeah. Um... The verdict was not the asshole, which is not surprising. Comments, not the asshole. To recap, your husband is a liar and cruel.
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There she was. Comments, I live for this brand of revenge. People shouldn't assume they're safe to talk shit just because it's not in English. Or people should just not talk shit. Don't talk shit.
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I don't understand how you can watch someone you love suffer and think that's funny. Someone else said, that was a calculated, time consuming, and expensive act meant to hurt you where he knew you were the most vulnerable Oof. Oof. Yeah, this guy's a piece of work.
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That is so crazy. That is crazy town. It also costs money. Amelie's a little crazy. But what if they deserve it?
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In like a cute way. Oh, Amelie, what?
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Yeah, he's like, I'm fucking ripped. He loves it.
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He's like, aw, man, my little ass.
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Um, okay. Anyways. All right, our last story from Am I the Asshole. Am I the asshole for sending an explicit video my ex sent to me to hurt me, to her family? Oh no, you don't do that. Okay. Hi. Hi, am I the asshole? I'm going to try to make this as brief as possible so I don't ramble. I dated my ex, Em, for a year and a half.
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Don't talk shit, man.
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I took it too far. It's okay. I do sound like that. It's time for some revenge. How do we feel about revenge in general? I think it's very entertaining to listen to stories of revenge. I do not like revenge. I'm not someone who seeks revenge.
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During this time, I confided in her some personal secrets which I don't feel comfortable sharing even anonymously. Because of these, she knows that there are certain things, related to sex mostly, that I am very sensitive towards. We did not part on friendly terms after our breakup and we don't talk anymore. Aww. Aww. Aww. Am I the asshole? Whoa. Okay. Whoa. Okay. Okay.
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I don't think it's revenge of any sort. No. Yeah. Someone else said, this hits home for me. I'm a middle-aged white American who looks very much like my Irish ancestors, but I'm also fluent in Spanish and Haitian Creole. I'm a social worker, so I interview families nearly every day, and one thing I look for is a form of domestic violence called coercive control.
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Wait, why did they, they broke up because why? She cheated on him. She cheated on him and she freaked out.
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Once again, this revenge is not...
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It is not helpful. Yeah. It's not going to make you feel better. It's not going to bring you the peace that you're looking for.
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It's so, this ex sounds like a nightmare. Yeah. This ex is a horrible person. And now it's in the workplace too? Also horrible.
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She's being a nightmare to him. She's doing everything she can to hurt him. I totally understand that that's so painful and so awful. The thing is, sending unsolicited messages. sexual video or imagery to someone is illegal and horrible to do. And then in return, he did that to a bunch of people who did not ask for those images or those videos.
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He could have said like, she's sending me explicit videos If he went to them and said, I want you to know, to her friends and going, she is harassing me. She is sending me footage of her, she is sending unsolicited videos to me. It is so painful for me. That is within his right. But him just blasting this out there is...
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It's too much. It's a shitty thing to do to those people. Yeah. And that's why I'm not surprised the verdict is everyone sucks here. Yeah. Which is a rare verdict to get on Am I the Asshole? Mm-hmm. comments here, everyone sucks here. This is a pretty clear-cut case. Your ex is a terrible person who is acting despicably, but you crossed a line in sending that to her family.
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They did nothing to deserve being dragged into this situation. Someone else said, everyone sucks here. She was an asshole, which is legal, but revenge porn is not. If she wants to bring the cops into this, you're absolutely fucked. And she sounds like someone who's waiting for that opportunity.
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Everyone sucks here. This girl sent you an unsolicited explicit video, so to get back at her, you sent a bunch of people an unsolicited explicit video. You did to her friends and family exactly what she did to you. Yeah, look, there are so many situations in life where someone is being horrible. And it sucks that the best thing you can do is to block them and to do your best to move on.
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Sometimes you'll have one partner who is fluent in English and uses that to control the other partner and when I suspect that, I'll only speak in English and listen to what the couple says to each other while I look on pretending I don't understand. Then just a few minutes before I leave, I'll start speaking their language and watch their faces as they realize I understood them.
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And they will make it hard for you. They will, but like...
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On a standalone thing, he has a legal case there of being sent unsolicited videos to him but he's blowing that by doing this. I mean, I don't know legal jargon as well. I don't know what the case is there. All I know is that this is not gonna be good for him.
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It's not fixing the situation at all.
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Yeah, it's just not the right move. Well, that's rough. That's brutal.
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I do feel bad for OP and his ex sounds like the worst person on the planet.
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But this is less, it's more a matter of like you can't, you're doing this to other people though. You're almost getting revenge on other people. Yeah. I'm trying to punish her. That's kind of my take on it.
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Yeah. Well, this has been an episode full of revenge.
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None of them. I don't believe in revenge. Nice.
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What's the difference between avenge and revenge?
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Avengers, if someone's been wronged, you will avenge them. For them.
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Is you. You're directly at the person. Reflect.
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This makes future visits much more productive. Someone said, aunt-in-law worked in a place for years and the Japanese women there talked shit about her behind her back slash in Japanese for years. At her retirement, she gave her farewell address in very fluent Japanese. One might imagine there was some loss of face with compound interest. Yeah, that's awesome.
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Avenge me! Avengers!
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I think that's a thing. Thank you both for being here.
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And thank you all for watching. Let us know in the comments down below if you've ever gotten revenge and what that looks like. And also let us know what other themes and subreddits you'd like to see on this show. And we'll see you next Saturday.
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To let that go on for years, that goes into revenge. It's like, okay, you're withholding it for a long time on purpose, but it's also delicious. Delicious. Like The Prestige. The Prestige. You guys know that movie with Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale. Christian Bale. You just call him Amanda. Christian Nolan?
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Oh, yes. All right, our next revenge. This comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for rejecting a girl as revenge?
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Interesting. So to start off maybe, it was a bit petty of me to be honest. Anyway. I asked this girl Clara out on a date about a year ago. I was a completely different person then, and she turned me down. It stung like hell, but it did encourage me to better myself. Since then, I've gotten in better shape, became more confident, and generally I've had more luck with girls.
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I still never forgot what made me improve though, and that will always be a shitty memory. Me and a few friends I've made since last year went out to a gathering. I'm still fairly new in their circle, and surprise, Clara was there. I think she recognized me, but I wasn't sure. Me and her hit it off, and at the end of the night, we had a date planned.
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The date went pretty well, and we went on our second one last Friday. Oh. What does Reddit think? huh, this is complicated.
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It's also, like, But he didn't say that. I think he would say that if she was like, and turning you down wouldn't be the shitty thing. It'd be like, she made this comment. But he doesn't reference anything. He just says, yeah, she turned me down and it stung. He didn't turn down stings, but that's a situation where you get hurt, but the person didn't do anything wrong.
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They didn't do anything wrong. And then he goes and improves himself, quote unquote, like he improves himself is what he said. And then she's like, well, now I'm interested. Which is a fair thing because he's a different person now. But also, she might have turned him down because she didn't know him that well. And now that here they are talking, they hit it off.
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It's an entertaining trope. Here's what I like is karmic justice.
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My thought is, okay, you're also like, who is this revenge on? Is it on yourself? You're saying you're hitting it off. You're on a third date. It's actually going well. And you're going, nah. It'll be better to just make you feel bad. Yeah. That's the thing.
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Couldn't get over it. I don't think this counts as... This doesn't count as revenge to me because she didn't purposefully hurt him, but he's purposefully hurting her. So actually, you're the bad guy here. I think he is the asshole because you're the asshole because you are purposefully making an action to make someone feel bad. That is an asshole move. Like, that's almost all revenge, though.
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I like when you're not putting the intention into the revenge, the revenge just kind of happens. And there's a lot of times, though, where I think people go, oh, that was karma. And I was like, no, that's just the natural progression of events from making a bad choice to that. But I agree.
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Right, but it's... Revenge is... It's you make me feel bad. It's quote-unquote fine if someone truly, like, went out of their way to wrong you. Yeah. That's why I also don't think revenge is... I'm a revenge person. I'm a person of what will make that person realize the wrongs of their ways, right? If you can do something and they go, oh, my God, I now see how I was being shitty...
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then okay, but if you're just doing something to hurt someone, what's it gonna do besides schadenfreude?
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I think it's weird. I'm just like, okay man, you went on three dates. It's also not equivalent. It's like, if you really wanted action. But what did he do back, he just? But he went on two dates with her and then in talking about the third date, he ghosts her. And I'm like, what you're doing is not equivalent to what she did.
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She turned you down, but you are making, you're doing this elaborate thing.
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I don't think he was doing it on purpose, right? He says he realized.
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Does he owe her that? No, he didn't have to go out with her. He could decide, oh I'm actually, but I also think he's an asshole for his wording of things. Forgive her. She didn't wrong you. I don't like this rhetoric that he's giving of a woman turning me down means she's a bad person. No, that's within her rights. And you don't know why she turned you down.
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You're not giving us that context, so we have to assume it could have been for any reason. She maybe just wasn't in the zone to date at the time, maybe for whatever. But you're talking about it like, she's a piece of shit for turning me down. It's like... She doesn't owe you anything. I don't like that, man. I don't like that.
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But maybe now that he, in his head, which is fucked up too, he's like, now I'm hotter, now she wants me. Yeah. That's his mindset. That's his mindset. That's the reality he's living in. Yes. That's not the reality that might be happening. The verdict was asshole, which I think is completely fair. Comments, you're the asshole. Revenge for what?
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Do you think she had some obligation to go on a date with you just because you asked? Not only that, but you organized a date, then flaked and ghosted her? Damn, man. That isn't just an asshole. That's like a post very hot curry level of being a raging asshole. Oh, curry. Damn.
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Wow. Wow. I've never heard that.
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You were like, mm, yummy. Mm, hot. Mm, delicious. Someone else said, you're the asshole. She wasn't attracted to you then. You've changed. She is attracted to you now, or has learned to see beyond looks and is attracted to you as a person. Nobody is obliged to go out with someone just because they have a good personality. Looks matter, and first impressions are often made with looks.
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Someone else said, I think, you know what I think would have been fair? Is if he was hung up on, you know, she turned me down then, I did this, I look different now, and now she's dating me. Is this just a looks thing? Like, I don't know how I feel about this. You could talk to her about that. You know what, there's something I'm a little hung up on.
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You turned me down a year ago, now we're hanging out, it's our third date. what is different? Yeah. Like, what is different? And that, if someone said they were gonna do that, I'd be like, you're within your rights to do that. That doesn't make you a bad person. But ghosting someone for this, I'm like, what are you getting out of this? Yeah.
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And it would also have been fine if he just was like, I'm hung up on this, I can't get over this. But the way he's wording it, I'm like, no, you're coming from a weird place. I think it's clear she dodged a bullet. His viewpoint on their dynamic. Oh, absolutely.
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I think that's a take I have on revenge, which is I, especially if someone wrongs you and you spend a lot of energy and effort in getting revenge on them, I'm like, all I think it signals is that you are still hyper-focused on them. Yeah. On someone who doesn't care about you and is disrespected. I'm like, the best thing you can do is just focus on yourself. Yeah. But we'll see.
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I think it is a lot that he is so hung up on it when this isn't someone he knows really well. He has clarified like, oh, they're hitting it off now, this is their third date, but this is not someone he, it's not like, oh, we were friends for a long time, or we're really close, so the heartbreak might hit more. He's like, I asked this girl Clara out on a date about a year ago.