Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)
Appearances
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So he wanted someone who could talk to these issues. So I'm just lucky that I was the recipient of his search. You know, it could have been anybody.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Very familiar. I've been following U.S. politics since the West Wing came out, was watching it religiously, and then started, you know, always reading about U.S. presidential history. I'm a U.S. president nerd. And The Daily Show, we were watching it as soon as we were able to illegally download it in Australia. We would torrent, like, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and watch it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So I'm a huge fan. I was watching all the time.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yes, there's a photo of me standing there not knowing what to do. I was in the studio right next to him. But obviously off his camera. But there was a camera on me because I was doing a segment with him, as you said. And then we finished the segment. And then usually he says, okay, everybody, Roy Chang, everybody. And then everyone applauds and I leave the studio. But he didn't do that this time.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
He explained why he was leaving the show on air. And no sign of it. There was no sign. I didn't know he was doing that.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I don't know. He's a very smart guy and I trust his judgment on everything. And I'm sure he had his reasons, you know, and I can't speak to them, but I'm sure he had his reasons to do it because it seems like a pretty extreme thing to do.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I just feel the Chinese coming over.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Maybe he didn't want anyone to talk him out of it. I don't know.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, but... Oh, yeah, maybe he didn't want anyone to leak it. That's also a possibility, you know?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I was like, is this a bit? And then in my head, I was also like, well... Well, not live. You know what I mean? Like he could say that and then we could just edit it if he changes his mind. So I was like, this sounds serious. I don't know what's going on. I'm a person who I think I do a decent job at minding my own business. So I wasn't like, well, what's going on?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I wasn't trying to like insert myself into this situation. You know what I mean? I was like, oh man, what's going on? You know, it sounds like he is going through some stuff. And so I hope he's okay. You know, that was my primary thought.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, honestly, I wasn't thinking that because I was here because of Trevor. If I lose the job because of Trevor, I was okay with that. You know what I mean? I wasn't supposed to have this job anyway. So I've always adopted this very nihilistic view about the job and doing it. Not nihilistic. Like I care about the job a lot. I love it. It's the best job in comedy.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
But I adopted this very like live in the present, I guess, Buddhist, you know, don't worry about the future kind of mentality with the job. And the second thing is also I believe that America will always have a daily satirical news show. You know, I think of all the countries in the world, if America can't do a daily satirical news show, like which country can? We have the most freedom of speech.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Stand-up comedy, are you out of your mind? That's not even a real job. Like, what do you think is gonna happen? You're just gonna run around America and tell jokes to strangers who don't give a about your mental health?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
We have the most resources for show business. We have infrastructure for comedic talent where people can write and get better as performers and writers and can aspire to be hired on shows like this. And we have the craziest political news. Like, if all those factors combine, if America cannot have a daily news satirical show, no one can.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Even if you do somehow manage to overcome the odds and make it to even a semi-professional level as a stand-up comedian, do you think there's any chance in hell you'd be funnier than me?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Which we have all the time, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I can talk about it, but to be honest, I don't know the reasoning. Maybe it's just hard to find someone to do it. It's a tough job. I mean, I guess what I can say is... I think the way it is right now, it makes sense because Jon wants to be on.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
The legendary Jon Stewart is on once a week. And the way he described it was... We as a satirical news organization, we should be trying to cover the climate instead of just chasing the weather, right? That's how we get an elevated show is if we can describe the climate, the political climate of America versus just chasing these individual news stories. And so...
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
What the current arrangement does is that it allows Jon Stewart to come in and talk about the climate once a week and give us the big ideas in America. And it allows the rest of us correspondents to do a bit more weather chasing, which...
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
As much as we're trying to avoid that, unfortunately, it's necessary weather chasing sometimes because ultimately our job is to make fun of the news and the news happens every single day. Not that we have to avoid discussing the climate, but we can also, it freezes up to kind of chase the weather a bit and nobody gets burnt out.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So as long as the quality doesn't drop, I mean, you know, this might be the way to do it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yes, yes. But that's the beauty of the show is that we're actually making fun of these stereotypes. Yeah. Sorry, of these tropes.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Daddy's a borderline arena act in some markets. Have you seen my IMDB page? I'm in everything. I will crush your career. Oh, Gary. Your mother and I did spend a fortune to make an A-grade blastocyst for them to become a B-grade comedian. I will never watch anything you do. Go to law school! Oh!
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Maybe I should set up also that we are working in a restaurant in Chinatown, but we are also characters in a TV show who don't realize that we're in a TV show. So we are... on the surface, working at this restaurant, but we are working at a restaurant in the context of being on a law and order type show. So that's the meta aspect of it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Somebody threw away an entire Peking duck with the sauce and everything. You're a , man. I'm the . You are the one who's hoping it was a dead person.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I'm very complimentary of you, yeah.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, that's a good question. Creativity Asians was my first movie, so I had nothing to compare it with. But I will say on set, you could feel this really cool camaraderie and chemistry. We all had this shorthand. We were all Asian actors in our 30s and we were all in this movie for the first time.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
This underdog movie, which when we were making, there was no indication it would have been as successful as it was. I think that's fair to say, as in it was still yet to be seen. was not a sure thing. Lots of risks were taken by the directors and producers, which we're all eternally grateful for that it paid off. But we were all in this thing in Malaysia and Singapore.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And so we were just hanging out. You know, we would go for karaoke we will go for Korean barbecue we didn't need to explain why we were going for Korean barbecue it wasn't ethnic eating it was just food and then when we get to Korean barbecue we don't have to explain what was being served we all got it so stuff like that you know there was like a shorthand and camaraderie which exists till today
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, Chinese Malaysian.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So they came when I was one.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So then I only came here when I was three and then I left when I was seven. Yeah. So basically they came to America and they left me in Malaysia for like a year and a half or something. And then when I was around three years old, then they brought me over. So they were with my sister without me. So they were probably here for like two years, I guess.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, I think they tell me that when I saw them at the airport, I walked away because I was so pissed. But I don't remember holding it against them. First of all, they were putting themselves through college. So, you know, imagine having to support two kids and themselves and college. So they were working and going to college at the same time.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And then second of all, it was like, yeah, it was too young. You know, it's like a baby. Like we don't, like that is before the internet. Who knows what's happening in Manchester, New Hampshire. They just didn't want to risk it. So it was easier to just take my sister.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Oh, great question. So when they moved back, they didn't tell me we're moving back. They said we're just going for a vacation. So I was like, oh, okay. So we'll go and see Malaysia and we'll come back. And then we went back to Malaysia and we never went back to America. And I was like, what happened? Like, why did you guys lie to me?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And so I had a chip on my shoulder for like years of being in Singapore and Malaysia. And you know what? Maybe they changed. Nah, I was going to give them the benefit of the doubt. I was going to say maybe they went there and changed their mind. But I'm pretty sure they went there knowing they were going to go back. But no, in hindsight, I think they made the right decision for them.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Because when they went back to Malaysia, they had more social capital because they had US education and they were culturally more suited to Malaysia and Singapore. So when they went back, I think they made the right choice for them.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Oh, they became like corporate executives. My mom became like a financial controller. My dad became like a general manager of factories in China. And he would commute between China and Singapore and Malaysia. But my point is that I don't know if they would have been happy in America because in America, I was very happy. But I was like a four-year-old kid and they were working at a gas station.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
so I don't begrudge them at all I wish they had told the truth that we were moving back for good but I think they made the right choice ultimately so yeah and I was lucky I got to I appreciate being from Malaysia and seeing Singapore and seeing Australia and then coming to America and having a bit more perspective on things you know I truly think it feels like a superpower sometimes
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
It's what my father said to me.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Thank you. Thanks for having me on. And I'd like to note the contrast between the yelling of that clip and how calm the rest of the interview will be.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I mean, I didn't start comedy here. I started doing stand-up comedy in Australia. So when I came here, I was already six years into comedy. If you're asking me what it's like to start again in America, it was like a dream because I always wanted to do comedy in New York City. It's the best city in the world to do comedy. You can do five, six, eight shows a night here.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
The best comics are here, so you're competing against them. So if you have to follow them, you have to be good. But, I mean, I've told this story many times, but one of the best advice I got was from Mr. John Oliver, who, when I first joined The Daily Show, I met up with him because The Daily Show has a very strong alumni, truly the Harvard Business School of Comedy.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And I asked him for advice on how to be a correspondent in America. being a non-American correspondent on The Daily Show, which is something that he's uniquely placed to give me advice on. And he told me that it took him two years to relearn how to do comedy in America. And he was spot on. He was spot on.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And he was, you know, he was saying like, well, I mean, this is my interpretation of what he was saying, is that when you come to America as a foreign headliner comic, you can do comedy for... 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. You can kill for... You could maybe even kill for 30 minutes. But you're always doing comedy as like the outsider.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, meaning like you're coming in, you're making fun of America on a very surface level. And that works... for about nine months. But after nine months or like 11 months, I think the audience and you yourself subconsciously can feel the inauthenticity of that in the sense of like, you've been here long enough. You should know that this isn't that weird.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
why are you still making fun of five flavors of Coca-Cola? You know, like you should know better now. You've been here long enough. And so the point was that it took two years to really kind of get a little bit more understanding of America where you could joke about it in a way that one, Americans haven't heard before and two, in a way that they agree with you in the authenticity.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
He said no white person will ever buy a ticket to go watch him.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yes. Like literally the day after I spoke to him and I told him I was on The Daily Show, he, you know, he Googled everything about it. And he was like, hey, you know, Jon Stewart is a big deal in America. I'm like, yeah, Dad, I know. That's what I was trying to tell you. And he was like, yeah, he makes a lot of money, man. This guy's making a lot. This guy's a multimillion dollar contract.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I'm like, yeah, yeah. Comedy is a big business in America. And then he, yeah, then he started following it more. But they've always been into American politics, you know, from afar.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, he would. Only in hindsight. Now, you know, he passed away in 2018. And I talk about this in the special. It's actually the last story I tell in the special. And only in hindsight do I realize like, oh, yeah, he was... he would hold court at family gatherings and he would joke about politics and he would roast the decisions by leaders or people around him, family members.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
No, I didn't think that was true. But I didn't tell him I was going to go do it. I went to go do it. And then he found out after I've been doing stand-up comedy for about two years. And then he found out. And he was trying to...
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
He would make fun of family members. So it was a very, I would say, a very modern style of comedy that he was doing. But obviously he didn't know he was doing comedy. He was just being the life of the party. And he was usually the most educated guy in the room, usually. So he would be making fun of current affairs, current events, people, family members. He would just roast them.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, that's how he would do it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
uh i can't deny that having perspective helps a little bit because i have something to compare america to um so i know what's a extreme idea or what's not you know compared to other countries i also know what america does better than other countries um so i guess that lets me talk about it a I don't know.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I think a lot of what I learned about comedy, I'm very lucky that I moved to New York City when I was 30 years old, nine years ago, because I think being here in this environment made me a better comic. I don't think comedy is the greatest art form on the planet and whatever, but I think it's a good art form. And one of the good things about it is that we talk to live human beings every day.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So you get a sense of where the cultural zeitgeist is. I think a lot better than anyone else. So not just being able to live in different countries. I went to law school. I have a degree in finance as well. So I think I've gotten to see a lot of different worlds. I've seen the corporate world. I've seen the crazy world. comedian, live performing world. I've seen the left wing world.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, in Singapore, I see the conservative world, the Chinese world and Australian. So I've seen enough different kinds of subcultures to, I guess, be able to compare stuff.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Thank you so much for having me. This is a real honor to be on the show and to speak to you. Thank you so much.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
protect me you know he was he was worried he was worried about what was going to happen you know what my future was going to be and then later on he got behind it nevertheless nevertheless when you were on the daily show and you started on the daily show you didn't tell your mother no i didn't tell them i got hired on the show what were you afraid of It wasn't so much afraid.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
It was that I didn't want to brag about small achievements. I just wanted to do the work. I didn't want to tell them that I joined this institution, which, quite frankly, they didn't really know about anyway, and make it sound as though I made it, quote-unquote. You know what I mean? Well, you kind of had.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Sure, but I don't know. I think the work comes first, you know, getting the job is one thing, but then can you do the job? And so it honestly just came out of kind of humility of like, oh, yeah, I'm on The Daily Show, but doesn't mean I've done anything yet. So why tell them, you know, like my philosophy was like, like, just do the job and then maybe they'll hear good things about you.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And then that will be the, you know, I mean, like I didn't need the flowers from them.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Quite frankly, if you want to talk about bragging rights for them, once I started doing decent work and people started liking what I was doing, then they would go up to them and be like, hey, your son is on The Daily Show. Which I think is better than you coming out and trying to brag about something. At that point, I hadn't even been on screen yet.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I'm not sure how popular The Daily Show is in Singapore or Malaysia. So I'd rather just do the work and then hopefully people like it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
To be clear, that's a bit.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So the premise of the bit is that if I have a kid, what's going to happen if they want to do stand-up comedy? And I realize I'm just like my parents. Like, even me, who has done stand-up comedy professionally, if my kid wanted to do it, I'd be like my dad, too. I'd be like, why are you doing this? This is crazy. Especially me knowing what's involved in stand-up comedy.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
All the more that I'm like, are you sure you want to do this? And one of the things I know about comedy that is, I think, quite a difficult thing to overcome is overcoming people's apathy and... And their lack of concern for your mental health. Which, by the way, is part of the reason why I never told anyone I was doing comedy. Not my friends or my parents or my family.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Because I wanted to test it in that environment. I wanted to test my comedy in an environment where nobody cared about you. Because I felt like if I could make these people who didn't care about me at all laugh, maybe this could be a job for me.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Sure. I'll let you guess which one's New York, which one's New Jersey in this analogy. But yes, it's just a bridge across that is called the causeway. People cross the bridge from Johor Bahru, Malaysia to Singapore every day. Every morning people wake up in Malaysia, go to work in Singapore and come back. braving the traffic and the fumes and the immigration.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
No, was not. The stand-up I was exposed to was in New Hampshire when my parents would play Seinfeld, the sitcom. And so you would see Seinfeld do stand-up in his interstitials, right in between the narrative, he'd do stand-up. And I remember asking my mom, like, hey, and that was the first time I saw, I even knew that that could be an art form.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
just standing there and telling jokes with no other props and, you know, it's just you and a microphone. And I told my mom like, hey, I want to try that someday. And my mom was like, oh, okay, cool. And I was like four years old.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
To be honest, when we watched it in... When we were watching in Malaysia and Singapore, we think that they're white people. At least for me anyway. I didn't realize like they were like a special type of ethnicity. I thought they were just a type of white person. And so when you're watching it, you're like... Like you get little samples of Jewishness in it, right? They'll drop a Yiddish word.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
They'll have a Hanukkah. They'll have little things here and there where you slowly start to be like, oh, these, I think they're different to white American people. And we didn't have any stereotypes. So I just thought they were New Yorkers. You know what I mean? I didn't think like, oh, this is Jewish behavior or this is a Jewish joke. I just thought, oh, these are New Yorkers.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
That's how New Yorkers talk. Until I came here, I realized, oh, it's its own thing.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
It was a reboot, yeah.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
That's a great question. I think, first of all, one, we might be in media silos. So the stuff I say on a daily show might not actually ever reach my mega friends because we're all so siloed in our media consumption. That's one. And then two, I think that decent people have a sense of humor.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
about things you know so i wouldn't take uh the comment section as reality in terms of what what the reaction is to a clip in the comment section uh from mega people about political clip i don't necessarily think they would do react that way in real life face to face and um third of all hawaii is a very different vibe you know like hawaii people know how to get along for the most part
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I think in Hawaii, they know how to put community before themselves, which is very un-American, by the way. That this idea that in Hawaii, you know, everyone's very generous and you get more than you give in Hawaii if you come with the right energy. And so I like to think that in Hawaii, I always try to come with the right energy. I won't be so presumptuous to say that I always manage to nail it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
But I think I come with the right energy and I think the locals and the Hawaiians there respond to that. So yeah. You know, they can be, you know, hardcore MAGA people, but they, you know, they're totally cool with me as far as I know.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Oh, you're quoting my special. Yeah.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Um, those are all very concerning. Don't get me wrong. I think if he does any of that, it is upsetting and subverts the legal process in many ways, in some ways more blatant than others. My answer to that is we had four years of him. And The Daily Show was making fun of him every day during those four years. And essentially nothing happened.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So just going off of history and past evidence, which is all I kind of have to go by right now, is that kind of... You know, for me, that's kind of a sign of how it's going to be, you know, what his bluster versus his actual actions. I reserve the right to change my opinion if we all end up in jail. If we all end up in jail, then I will probably be wrong.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
But maybe I'm just this is just wishful thinking on my part. But yeah. Yeah, he said a lot of concerning things about the law. But I think ultimately, I believe in American institutions. I believe in checks and balances.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, I believe that the entire founding of America was geared around having a weak federal executive who is unable to kind of use the government to go after citizens individually. I think that's the whole premise of America. And so because of that, I'm a bit more hopeful.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I hope I'm right, too. By the way, what do I know? I'm just a comic, just making dick jokes. But that's what I hope and that's what I believe. And that's why I'm still here.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So I guess American democracy still works as long as the guy who likes overthrowing the government wins the election because then he won't overthrow the government. So with the transfer happening, we're going to be talking about Trump again every day for another four years, I guess.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And I, for one, did not think that when I came out of the jungles of Malaysia to do comedy that I would be making jokes about Donald Trump every day for 13 years straight. 13 years. I don't talk about anybody as much. I don't talk about my mom as much as I talk about this guy. I don't talk about my wife as much as I talk about this guy. Yo, my wife thinks I'm having an emotional affair with him.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I'm going to be talking about this guy on my f***ing deathbed, okay? Which I assume will be in three years when he somehow brings back the bubonic plague. And you might be sitting at home saying, well, Ronnie, why don't you just shut the f*** up about Trump? Well, for the same reason CNN doesn't shut the up about him. Money.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Lots and lots of money. So let's get these dollars right now and get back to Donald Trump.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Partially. There's some truth to that.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Extremely surprised. Because we weren't necessarily friends. He was obviously much more successful than me in the festival circuit. So we rarely crossed paths. And I ended up performing with him for the first time in Canada, just for laughs, in Montreal. And that's when he... was very friendly to me at the show. He was very complimentary. He said, it's great. You know, what you're doing is great.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And, um, I said, oh, thanks so much. I didn't think too much about it. Right. And then, uh, maybe two years later, I get this email to audition for the daily show. And I was like, it was like a dream come true. I couldn't believe it, you know? And so, uh, I still remember doing the audition in my apartment in Melbourne. And, um,
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
sending it in and then getting the call back to come to New York City and audition for The Daily Show in New York City, which was obviously, you know, a huge deal if you're coming from Australia. And so, no, I did not expect to get it at all. It was very much him who put the spotlight on me, as in The Daily Show would never have found me if not for Trevor insisting that I get on.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Daddy, daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a stand-up comedian, just like you.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And again, I'm not his closest friend, you know. I don't even think I'm his funniest friend. He just really was adamant that... he wanted an Asian person on the show because he felt that Asian people are like half of the world's population, but there's no presence on The Daily Show. And I guess at that time, he was thinking of a more international show, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Moving on, despite the lack of March Madness upsets, there was one Cinderella story that the entire world could get behind.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Jordan, did your brain tear its ACL? Okay, we shouldn't be giving an equipment manager endorsement deals. It's against the natural order of things. The jocks get the endorsement deals and the glory and the girls and the nerds get to get beat up by the jocks, then start social media companies that warp the brains of the jocks to eventually vote against their own interests.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Which brings us to my bracket buster, Better Than Knife. Which random nerd will get an endorsement deal next? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. As Thomas Jefferson once said, it ain't gay if it's a parlay. Now it's time for our Sports War Halftime Report with Grace Kuhlensmith.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
By now, we all know the story about how Trump's team included a reporter in their war planning group chat. And we don't need to hear it again. But it is super funny, so let's hear about it again.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Bravo, bravo. I love dudes. This is exactly what vasectomies are all about. Watching sports alone with a bag of frozen peas on your junk. I mean, me, I'm on my 11th vasectomy this year. Is that why you missed my wedding? No, I missed it because I don't like seeing you happy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Before we go, let's throw it back to Grace for our post-game report.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I've seen it when he eats cereal.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
My guest tonight is the first woman, first Asian, first Michelle to be elected mayor of Boston. Please welcome Mayor Michelle Wu. Standing ovation. Outstanding ovation in New York for the mayor of Boston. That's very hard to get. That's the first time. I love you. I don't usually make demographics such a big deal, but, like, how did you become mayor?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Of Boston.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Well, what's the answer? How did you...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah, went to Harvard Law School.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
OK, OK.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, okay. That's great. That's the ball. First of all, New York forever. And second of all, so how did you become the mayor of Boston instead of Anson? Like, I don't know if you've been to Boston, but this is not the demographic for mayor of Boston. Like, you came to my show when I was there. I was doing stand-up there. You were very nice. You came. Sold out show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Sold out shows at Wilbur, not to brag. And you came. And my DJ was there. My DJ is like a Chicago, Korean, American guy. And I was like, oh, that's the mayor of Boston. And he was like, what?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
But how did you convince these guys?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
They gave you a standing ovation. Why did you... No, no, this isn't about New York versus... This is not about New York versus Boston because New York is clearly better. I'm saying... I'm saying... No, no, no, it's not about that. It's not about who's a better city, which we clearly are. It's more that how did you get those guys to vote for you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Because this is not the demographic that... How did you convince them to put you in charge?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay. But right now, it feels like everyone, you know, politicians, everyone hates politicians now more than ever. Like, why did you get, like, what made you want to put yourself out there to get into this? You know, it's a very thankless job.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
We hate the mayor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Sure. And so, again, like, you... I think you won your last election at 64% of the vote. Is that right? Is that right? So you're incredibly popular in Boston, and they trust you to run the city. How did you convince these Boston people?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
What, and they just believed you? They just believed you? What...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, you see, this optimism, I'm not, I can't. So you became mayor of Boston at like 36, which is pretty insane.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah, well, I know, because we're born in the same year. So I'm like, damn, this woman became a mayor already. I'm still here telling dick jokes. But like this, no, but like something about Boston, you're like the youngest successful Boston person running Boston since like Theo Epstein, right? the best of the Epsteins. He was like the youngest GM of, I don't know why they trusted you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I mean, obviously you're very good at your job. What's the toughest thing you face in Boston?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
You think that's funny, don't you? That the stupid Secretary of Defense is so stupid and all drunk that he texted, well, clean on OPSEC when there's a reporter right in the group chat? Yeah? Well, laugh it up, people, because unlike you, I have human empathy for these people who are just trying their best to kill other humans, all right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
So you're mayor, you're running the day-to-day of the city, right? What's the hardest thing day-to-day, like mayoring in Boston?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
OK. Um, so, like... I just, all right. So right now, you know, you ran as a Democrat as well. Democrats, I don't know if you've seen the news lately, incredibly unpopular in this country. I could not be less popular. Everyone hates everything they're doing. So how do you, everyone hates that. Like, I don't know what the, like 10% popular, whatever it is, it's horrible.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
How do you, as a Democratic mayor, like do outreach to what I assume is a large percentage of your constituency that probably voted Republican and MAGA and Trump?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
So you're saying you outreach by focusing on... Doing the work. Doing the work that everyone agrees that should be done. Is that your method for success, actually just doing the work?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
little thing yeah so that's actually what you found i'm genuinely curious how i know you don't find this weird i'm telling you most people watching this are like how the hell let me tell okay let me tell you a little bit more about boston um you didn't tell me boston boston's my childhood chinatown okay i know boston yeah i used to live in manchester new hampshire you drive to boston uh for that was like our local chinatown we'll go there for supplies to bring it back to new hampshire
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And I guarantee that if anyone in this audience had their group chats leaked, it would ruin every single one of your lives. I personally have chats that are actually more sensitive than a missile attack on the Houthis, okay? If you told me that my group chats leaked and then told me it was just my missile attack one, I'd be like, oh, my God, thank God. Thank God.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Because I don't know if you know, there's not a lot of Malaysian grocery stores in Manchester, New Hampshire. So we would go to Boston to get it. So I know Boston. That's why I'm even more surprised that you became mayor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Do you think people are feeling this on the streets? in Boston?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
So lots of ways to get involved. So sorry for hopping on about this, because obviously you're very popular in Boston. My thing right now is I'm wondering, whenever I can get a Democrat who's actually popular, which is very rare in this country. Every time I get to sit to someone who actually, it seems like both sides of both tribes seem to get behind such as yourself.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I kind of focus on the kind of the outreach to the other tribe more. So for example, if someone was to tell you, you know, like recently you got, I guess you got, you testified in Congress about sanctuary cities, you know, which is one issue in many things. And you defended yourself well. What do you say to the people in your constituency who might feel like, hey, why are we doing this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
What's the big deal with this sanctuary city thing? If people are illegally in the country, shouldn't we arrest them and get rid of them? What is the big deal?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
So, I guess... I guess, I mean, look at these, I don't know, these people from Boston or something. I don't know what's happening here. These people came here from Boston. So what advice would you give to the Democrats running now about how to not be such losers? Or, like, connect to the people more.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
It seems like there seems, I don't know, I truly don't understand what's happening, because every day on this show, we talk about some bullshit that happened, and then nothing seems to matter, and then I'm like, I guess nothing matters anymore. So there's clearly a disconnect between the Democratic Party, or maybe politics in general, if you're being generous, and the common people, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
There's some kind of, there's something weird happening. Like, is that, do you feel that way?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And by the way, it wasn't even Pete Hegseth who added him. It was some other incompetent guy at the highest levels of government, okay? Like, what, you think Hegseth has the editor of the Atlantic magazine saved in his phone? No way, all right? If Hegseth autofilled a contact into a group chat, it would be like Tampa Bay blonde with Bugs Bunny tattoo. But still, you gotta ask, how did this happen?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And now you're the government.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, so... Um... Well... Look, I mean, I don't know. If you can become the mayor of Boston, maybe, you know, one of arguably the most racist cities in America, then maybe there's hope for everyone yet. I mean, I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I don't know. I got a lot of love for Boston. They were nice to me when I was there. But there is a stereotype of the city, which you are totally, I don't know. I still don't understand how you got elected. I mean, obviously you're good at your job and you're charming and all that, but that was enough for them to convince them?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
No, New York City is perfect. I'm not sure if you... I'm not sure if you've been out there. This place is great. We got, you know, we got rats and feces. I hear that there's like a secret WhatsApp group of Asian mayors. I met the mayor of Cincinnati.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Can I join this group chat? Put me in. For me, I help you guys out. Okay, look. You're Mayor Wu. You're the best. Thank you for representing all Asians. Thank you for making the city of Boston great. I appreciate all you do. I know it's a very thankless task. Boston Mayor Michelle Wu, everybody. We're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I mean, don't you guys have tech support in the government? I mean, what, oh. Well, okay, well, if you ask me, adding a reporter wasn't even the most embarrassing thing to happen on this group chat.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Is anyone else kind of upset that we're conducting war by emoji now? I mean, what does this even mean? What, I'm gonna fist the flag and then light it on fire? There's a reason why you don't use emojis for life and death situations. It's too open to interpretation, okay? Like imagine if your doctor texted you a crab emoji, right? And now you're going, oh my God, I have crabs?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And your doctor has to be like, LOL, no, it's the astrology sign for cancer. You have cancer. But now everyone is yelling at them about this breach of national security or whatever, and the Department of Defense is having trouble defending themselves. Luckily, all of MAGA is there to help them. Counter-argument one. Nobody's perfect.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Boris, I gave you the sound bites. Stop asking follow-up questions. If I wanted to talk to a journalist, I'd be on a private group chat with Pete Hegseth. Okay, cut it out. Like, come on, what, we're just calling this a mistake now? Like, look, my door dasher for getting straws is a mistake that can be rectified with one star and no tip, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
But this feels like a major up, and they're acting like nobody will care about this. And honestly, they're probably right. I mean, nothing seems to matter anymore anyway, and everyone will forget this in a few days when Trump sends the new Snow White to Gitmo.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And even if they didn't accidentally add a journalist into this group chat, they weren't supposed to be talking about this stuff on Signal in the first place, okay? Signal might be a good app for you and me and our local drug dealer, but it's not for the Pentagon to plan wars on.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
That's right, foreign adversaries could be watching whatever Pete Hegseth types into his phone, like, bar near me, or how to fool breathalyzer, or how to un-crash car. But if you're not satisfied with, it was just a mistake, they have another defense. It was just a mistake that was awesome.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Precision. I mean, even your texts weren't hitting the intended targets, all right? Like, forget the hoothies. I'm surprised they didn't accidentally blow up Hootie and the Blowfish. This is like if your sex tape leaked and you're like, hey, I'm glad you saw all of it, okay? This proves my dick works.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
By the way, Mike Johnson, if you're watching, a sex tape is when two people love each other very much, but they also want to masturbate later. Just to summarize, the Trump administration admitted this happened, but it was a small mistake, and it was a good thing that it happened, but also, what if the reporter made the whole thing up? Not a good reporter.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Right. So this reporter who is dishonest and sucks is also correct. And also, we added him to our group chat because he's a fun hang. I mean, you can't use it was a mistake and it was fake news. You got to pick one, okay? You got to get together and figure it out, okay? But not in a group chat. No more group chats.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
You know what? All's well that ends well. The good news is that no one got hurt except for the people of Yemen. And I guess it'll be okay as long as everyone involved learned their lesson.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, good enough, yep, good, good, good, good. We solved it, good. Of course, everyone is wondering what this scandal means for America's national security under Donald Trump, but there's another important question. What does it mean for journalism? And the answer is something that's gonna make a great movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Get all the Oscars now! When we come back, Jordan and I get mad about March Madness, so don't go away!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Ronny Chieng. We got so much to talk about tonight, so let's get right into today's top story. I know you goddamn hippies like to blame Donald Trump for everything up in the country, but hey, not everything that happens is his fault. He has a whole administration that can up for him. So let's find out the latest in our new segment, The Worst Wing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
For a full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to sports war.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Like Ant-Man, I want teeny tiny little athletes. That's nuts, Ronny.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Well, ants can lift 50 times their body weight. Try culturing yourself and watching a Marvel movie, you moron.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Wow, just like Jordan over here, this year's tournament sucks!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Where's the drama? Where's the crazy upsets? The only reason I watch these games is to see Duke fans crying to their ascots. Where are my Cinderella stories at? Usually there's at least one fairy tale underdog with a starting lineup of guys that all have heart conditions and whose team is just integrated for the first time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, quinceañera is at 15, pendejo. Also, mi quinceañera muy excelente.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Utter domination. There is no other way to describe what the Eagles did to the Chiefs. Talk about a blowout. Even I was like, is there a mercy rule here?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
There it is. I direct the Army to change the name of Fort Liberty, North Carolina to Fort Bragg, North Carolina. That's right. Bragg is back.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Statues. They're not just fancy toilets for pigeons. They're the highest form of art, an expression of beauty that people come from around the world to marvel at. But some idiots are trying to marvel their way to second base.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
My favorite word. My favorite word.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
That's right. Horny morons have groped this statue so hard that the bronze finish wore off. Isn't the phrase, kiss me, I'm Irish, not motorboat my cat's iron cleavage, I'm Irish. How about you just let a fishmonger monger her fish in peace without you morons trying to touch her heaving mahi-mahis? It's almost... It gets worse. It's almost like these people don't know they aren't real boobs, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
It's not like a hard-boiled egg where you crack open the shell and reveal real boobs inside. But surely people must be doing this for a good and not stupid reason.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
If it's lucky, I touch it. If it's a hole, I f*** it. Can someone in Ireland please tell this guy that skydiving without a parachute is also lucky? Please. And if you want to fondle a sculpture, that's your business. But don't act like you're doing it for good luck, okay? You're in Ireland.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
If you need luck, go find a four-leaf clover or eat a leprechaun or make a keychain with Colin Farrell's eyebrow. Luckily for Molly, they figured out a way to protect her from these goofy dipshits.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Of course, hire some cops. It's a great idea. I mean, sorry, we can't do anything about your stolen car. We're busy fending off statue squeezers. I hope they at least give these guys guns, because I want someone's last words to be, hey everyone, check out me holding this boob. Oh wait, don't shoot, don't shoot! But really, the only way to protect Molly Malone is to move her to my apartment.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
And no, it's not what you think. I will raise her like my own daughter. Day and night, I will watch over her, fending off suitors, killing those who wish her harm, and knowing that her safety is the only thing that adds purpose to my life.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Until one day, a nice Irish lad shows up and begs for her hand, at which point I will then lower my rifle and walk her down the aisle and say goodbye to my little girl forever. Anyway, it turns out that statue groping isn't just happening in Ireland. It's spreading across the globe like horny COVID.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Yes, I remember that scene in Shakespeare so well. Romeo, oh Romeo, rub my right tit, oh Romeo. So just so I'm clear on this, thousands of people are looking for love by standing in line to touch a statue. How about you just turn around and say, hey, we're both lonely. Let's get out of this line and touch each other. And no, it's not just women's statues getting action.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
The male statues are also getting rubbed raw.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Hey, buddy, how about you save some of the over-the-pants hand jobs for the rest of us? I mean, these people are dry-humping a dead guy who's just trying to rest in peace when they could be going to town on this Dwayne Wade statue. I mean, look, he's practically begging for it. If there's a silver lining to these sexy statues, it's that they are forcing dumb people to learn something.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
I mean, maybe Americans would be more interested in history if we had slapped some boobs on Mount Rushmore. Hey dad, do you know George Washington had wooden teeth and pepperoni nipples? Thanks statues.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
What do you got for the rest of the week, Ron? Well, John, we'll be covering the bankruptcy of 23andMe. It's a sad day for all the people who want to learn their family history, but a great day for all the secret fathers who wanted to keep that history quiet. And, of course, smart people like myself don't just give out our genetic information. I keep mine safe and secure.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
Okay, that was a small mistake, but otherwise, my OPSEC is totally clean here. I'm glad to hear it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Try being in boarding zone five. Come on, people. We can't just keep fighting each other on airplanes. We have to come together and unite so we can fight other species.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
With all this money Congress is sending overseas, you might be wondering, hey, when does Ronnie get a little taste of this, hmm? Yeah, when's the government gonna do a little something for me, hmm?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Okay, cash refunds. Yeah, that's something. Yeah, yeah. I'm always having airplane delays. Yeah, that is pretty good. I mean, but, you know, delays is only a small part of the problem. I mean, what if, you know, when, like, airlines make you change airports or they add connections and they're always just trying to screw you over.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
I'm cautiously optimistic. It's good. It got my attention. It is pretty good. In fact, it feels a little too good to be true. But hey, I guess all I have to worry about now is losing my luggage and shitty Wi-Fi.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
This is the greatest thing the government has ever done in history.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
No, in history. In history. Jordan, the man is refunding you for Wi-Fi in the sky. That doesn't work. What more could you want?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Why are we fighting desert animals in the sky? Okay, look, if a bird picks a fight with me, okay, maybe, right? But a scorpion, no, I'm not mentally prepared for that. And the worst part is when a scorpion stings me, I won't have the antidote because it's more than three ounces. Yeah. Right, so now I'm dead, like this rabbit.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Yeah, okay, we'll get into that. But thank you, Joe Biden. Thank you for making my life better. Now just bring back Roe v. Wade so I don't have to sit next to a crying baby on a red eye.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Thanks a lot, United. You killed the Yao Ming of rabbits. Seriously, this is a professionally big rabbit.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
First of all, hey, airlines, stop overbooking flights, okay? Yeah. This is what you do, okay? You count the seats on your plane, and then you sell that number of tickets. That's it. Sorry, is that too difficult to understand? Okay, second thing, we don't need 20 websites searching each other for cheapest flights, okay? Just have one website, call it the cheapest flights. That's it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
We go there, we get the cheapest flights. And if there's a delay, they should pay us. Okay, that's how it works. And if we crash in the ocean, yeah. And if we crash in the ocean, we need knives under our seats. Otherwise, we're just sitting there like chicken McNuggets for sharks.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Great, Congress is in charge of airlines. Next time I go home, I'm driving. Thanks, Ronnie. Ronnie Chang, everybody. We'll be right back.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Thanks, Trevor. Look, flying sucks, right? It's always sucked, but back in the day, we just couldn't record how much it sucked. Now with camera phones, we can relive those terrible moments forever.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
No, dude, you're crazy, all right? Who fights in a Hawaiian shirt? He's like the angriest guy at the luau. Why is there no umbrella in my pina colada? And what is this? Is this a new pre-flight routine? Here's your seatbelt, here are the exits. All right, now let's keep them off the belt, everybody. All right, well, it's still a good, clean fight. You think Detroit is tough?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
But they just can't help themselves, because whenever they're in trouble, their default response is to punch their way out of it, which only makes things worse. So now, we're still talking about this three days later, instead of what I wanted to cover tonight, which was 23 and me going bankrupt, and what they're gonna do with all your DNA. One word, face off.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a legendary comedian and actor whose new film is called The Penguin Lessons. Please welcome the one and only, legendary Mr. Steve Coogan.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
No, we reserve it for legends. You're a legend. It's so great to finally meet you. I've been following you for a long time. Huge fan of yours. You make me feel old, but keep going. Yeah, I mean, because I kind of, we kind of, you started in live performing. Yeah. And I also started in live performing. I know. And we both went to Edinburgh. You went to Edinburgh in 1990.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
You did a show with Mr. Frank Skinner. And then you went back in 1992. You did a show with Mr. John Thompson. And a second, at the same time, you're doing a show with Richard Herring. And was it Armando Annucci? Armando Annucci, Patrick Marlborough. Stuart Lee was on that. Stuart Lee, yeah. And then you won the Perrier, which is the best show at Edinburgh for the show with John Thompson.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Okay, that's two words with a slash, and we can't decide that. Look, it doesn't matter, all right? The point is, they're gonna put your face on someone else, and the White House wants to move on. They've got to come clean and stop stepping on their own dicks, okay? So let's start with something easy. For National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, how did the reporter get invited into the group chat?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And I went to Edinburgh, and I won nothing, and I hated it. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Yeah, but I guess, yeah, no, Edinburgh. I say all of that to be like, first of all, I've been to Edinburgh. It's the biggest live performing festival. But I guess you being a household name, comedy legend, very established in the UK, but you still stick with live performing. Never let that go. And I guess I'm wondering for myself, like, you know, I like to think I'd be able to do it too, but.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
As a live performer, you use it to stay connected to the crowd. Is there any element of it where you feel like just as career diversification, and just from a pure money point of view, in terms of like, oh, that stuff, people can take away from you. TV, film, but live performing, it's always... It's true.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And you do, like, I mean, you kept, again, you got... I don't know if I should tell people this. You have, like, all the money in the world. You don't need to do anything anymore.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
You're close. You're second. Yeah, and you still got... And, I mean, you did... Not only do you do the Alan Partridge live show, you did, like, Dr. Strangelove recently.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Yeah, but... Again...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Right. And I guess that goes back to what I was saying about you being this legendary comedic figure in the UK, Alan Partridge. And you've done it for so long now. I mean, do you do stuff to just kick yourself in the ass? Because you've managed to reinvent this character you've been doing for, I guess, what, 30 years now?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
I don't even know. I'm like Y, and then they call me millennial, and I resent that, but I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
So just to set it up.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Not as in danger as you think right now. They're doing pretty well right now. They're having a resurgence. That's true, actually. They were in danger for a while and we accidentally brought them back. I know. I'm sorry about that. But the point is that Alan Partridge is a... I like to call you mom famous in the UK. Everybody, you know, moms know you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Do you know how famous you have to be to be mom famous? It is true. It's very difficult. And so you're that level in the UK. And so, like, is that, like, why you... I'm kind of part...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Your institution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
But, yeah. But, I mean, that also is relevant for me, too, because I really had to ask myself this. Not only coming to America, but staying here in American show business. Why... Do you come to America? Why are you in America?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Yes, that's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
We are... applauding the president right now. OK, God bless America. Yeah, and you, so you do come to America to kind of get your ass kicked a bit and challenge yourself.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
You were in everything. You did Around the World in 80 Days with Jackie Chan. You did, oh my God, you're putting me on the spot. You were in Tropic Thunder.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
But so you did a bunch, I mean, you talk about this a lot in America, about how you were doing, you were kind of doing Alan Partridge, Household Name, and then you came to America, and you were doing kind of, not bit roles in American movies, but kind of smaller profile roles.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And so I guess by asking for myself here is like, it seems like you, because I'm trying to build that. That's kind of what, that's kind of where I'm going myself. I'm like, you know, I'm doing 20 on the call sheet. Grateful to do the role, have fun. But you talk about doing these roles in America, finding them a little bit unsatisfying and that's what inspired you to write to do a film, you know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
No. No one's ever had that, all right? People don't have a contact with a phone number for like a different person, unless they're having an affair. I guess I'm saying, I think this guy is having an affair with Jeffrey Goldberg. And look, even if that was an actual somewhat relatable mistake, maybe try not making that mistake when you're planning a war.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
But is that the strategy? I mean, would you say you need to do these kind of small roles in America to build enough political capital to do...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
No, but you definitely play the yin-yang almost better than anyone I've ever seen, because you've got the comedy bona fides, like, legend comedy characters. And then you do dramatic roles, not just Philomena, but you do, like, Jimmy Savile, you know, which is one of probably the most disgusting people. I play the sex offender.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Yeah, so you managed to do Ying Yang. Just, I don't, anyway, just, you know, hats off to you. And every project you do, you know, you were talking about it with the other legend, Irish legend Tommy Tiernan on his show. You said you're looking for projects that are funny but have heart in it. Yeah. And I feel like you've definitely been going that way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
I mean, you did this movie in 2019 called Greed, which was about a fashion mogul. And kind of, there were political overtones in that about kind of the wage gap and...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
I've been approaching this all wrong. Yeah, but you, so, I mean, just going back to the politics. So my point is that you kind of try to do things that have, not just be funny, but have a message.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
I have to expertly pivot to what you're promoting or your publicist is going to kill me. No, but really, I mean, I did have a plan, and this is where I wanted to get with all this, is that you talk about political activism. So your latest movie is Penguin Lessons. Like, what is it about? And do you mind just saying what you think the political message is?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Wait, hang on, I have to... I had to quickly do a calculation to see if our parent company was Disney, but it's not. It's Paramount. We're fine. I think I did a show with... Anyway. They don't watch YouTube. So, yeah. This is kind of just for me now. Because did you... When you...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Because there's one scene where you throw the penguin back into the ocean.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
You've got to say that for legal reasons.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Okay, yeah, so not a real penguin.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And so, yeah, we sort of mixed the two together, and I just... Yeah, and when you're doing these scenes, I was watching it, and it's like, it's... It's comedic. It's not... I won't say you did... You're obviously not doing a sketch when you're in this movie. So is it difficult to kind of, like, dial it to where it's... You know what I mean? Where you're not doing a sketch.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And why are you shitting on Jeffrey Goldberg? He's a loser, this guy sucks, he's dishonest. He didn't do anything. All he did was wake up in the morning and you added him to your group chat. You like abducted him and forced him to see your secrets. But okay, the bigger issue is what was shared in the group chat.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Jeffrey Goldberg says there were war plans that were so sensitive, he didn't even put them in his article. But Pete Hegseth spent the last two days saying he's lying. Nobody. was texting war plans.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Nobody's texting war plans. Okay, great. Couldn't be more clear. Nobody was texting war plans. You hear me? Nobody was texting war plans.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Okay, look, just because you write in all caps, this is when the first bombs will definitely drop, doesn't mean there are war plans. Okay? This is Pete Hegseth. Maybe he was talking about Jaeger bombs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
If you ask me, that looks a lot like a plan for the war. It had military time and everything, okay? It had more details than you get from DoorDash. And those guys tell you everything, all right? 8.56, we have received your order. 8.59, we are preparing your food. 9.06, we accidentally dropped your food. 9.07, actually, don't worry about it. We're on our way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
So I think it's a war plan, but what the hell do I know? I've never seen one before because no one's ever been dumb enough to put one in a group chat with a journalist. But maybe... Maybe it's a... Maybe this is a good thing, okay? The receipts are out, so we can call a spade a spade and admit that these are indeed very specific war plans.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Oh, man, Janine must be a nightmare to make plans with. Hey, you said meet at Chili's at 7, but where's the f***ing longitude? Like, stop pretending you need some arbitrary detail to make it a war plan, okay? It's like saying, this wasn't an orgy. We didn't have the pink feathers and the eyes wide shut mask. Well, they're more than three dicks. Then it was an orgy, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Everything else is semantics. You know what? You tell me. If having a detailed schedule plan of attack is not a war plan, then what is it? Do you think these are war plans?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Whoa. What is war, man? It's just raw spelled backwards. I think it was Shakespeare that said, what is in a plan? That which we call a war by any other name would accidentally get texted to Jeffrey Goldberg. For more on this stupid argument, we go live to the Pentagon with senior war correspondent Michael Kosta.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Hey, am I crazy or are these very clearly war plans?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Hello! Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight, so let's get right into the controversy that's still rocking Trump's cabinet in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers. None of that was AI.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Okay, then, why don't you enlighten me with your military genius? If that's not war planning, then what is it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Holy shit, is that a war plan for Canada?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Of a war plan. Look, it has, like, arrows and airplanes and, like, weapons and those little crosshairs and there's times that... It's clearly a plan to invade Canada.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Welcome back to The Daily Show. America has a ton of problems right now, and no one knows who can solve them. But Chris DiStefano will give it a try in our new segment, Can Chris Solve It?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
By now, we all know that Donald Trump's meritocracy brain geniuses planned an attack on Yemen in a signal group chat and accidentally invited a journalist, Jeffrey Goldberg. And this story might have ended on day one if the administration had just owned it and made some bullshit statement like, sorry, we're taking accountability, hashtag listening and learning, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Ronnie, last night's spectacle,
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Oh, oh, yeah, sure, a new low. Oh, my God, it was so crazy. People were holding up signs. An old guy, like, yelled something. Last night was nothing, Costa. That shit was more boring than White Lotus.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Okay, let me give you some international perspective, okay? Watch what happened in Serbia's parliament yesterday, right? Look at this. There's smoke bombs, okay? This looks like Philadelphia after a Super Bowl or any day. Do you know how many smoke bombs you have to set off to overpower cigarette smoke in Serbia? That is an abandonment of decorum, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Especially in Serbia, a country where 80% of the men work as bouncers, okay? How about Taiwan, okay? Longtime democracy, polite Asian country. Look at their parliament last month. Here they are politely barricading each other with chairs in a complete disregard for feng shui. It's like Taiwan...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
It's like, hey, Taiwan Parliament, how about you stop fighting and come over and help me move my apartment, all right? I only have three chairs. It would take no time. All right, you know, I get your point. All right, well, too bad, because I'm not done, okay? Look at Italy, okay? Look at this. I don't even know why they're fighting. It's probably because someone voted to add pineapple on pizza.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
I don't know. And look, how about the country of Georgia, all right? It's normal, normal. Oh, don't put your face! Someone got punched in the face. That guy just really snuck up on you coming in from the front like that in a well-lit room.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
No, I'm saying I'm saying we should also be doing that. All right. Yeah. Yeah. America, if you're going to get rowdy, don't half-ass it with like a little whiteboard, okay? Congress should have looked like Walmart on Black Friday or Philadelphia on any day. But Ronnie, if we do that, Congress won't get anything done. They already don't get anything done. You might as well start a Royal Rumble.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Which reminds me, I better get out of here, okay? Estonia has an agricultural committee meeting on pay-per-view.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
I refuse to believe you can't get a decent slice of pizza in this city, all right? This is the birthplace of Lincoln, Obama, Michael Jordan. None of those people were born here. This is what people in Chicago call pizza? Where can I find a decent slice in the city instead of this stupid bull ? I couldn't find a single place that sold real pizza. Just these deep dish dough dumpsters.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
This isn't pizza. This isn't even human food. After hours of only deep dish, I finally found a place that served delicious, normal pizza pie. The Cook County Jail. That's right, the best pizza in Chicago is in the biggest jail in America. This gourmet pizza is actually made by and sold to inmates as part of a training program called Recipe for Change.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Thomas Dart is the sheriff of Cook County Jail. He's been running the pizza program for four years.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
They haven't been asking for it. Recipe for Change is one of several rehab programs at the Cook County Jail, along with drumming, painting, chess, gardening, and more. So what made you become a hero sheriff and not a Joe Arpaio sheriff?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
The man giving them that skill? Local restaurateur Chef Bruno Abate, who volunteers his time and expertise to teach inmates how to cook the best pizza in Chicago.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
After a straight hour of on deep dish pizza, Chef Bruno finally got around to telling me more about how his program is affecting inmates.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
It was great to be with people in Chicago who understood what pizza is supposed to look and taste like. Guys, this pizza is genuinely awesome. You must have people lining up around the block to buy this. Actually, it's only for inmates. Guys, we gotta rescue Chicago from that bull deep dish pizza.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
In the last presidential election, 44% of Americans did not vote. That puts you in 26th position among developed countries. That's pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself. That's garbage. It's so garbage that in 2016, Trump got elected with only a quarter of eligible voters supporting him. That is a broken system. Some politics nerds are proposing a solution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Jury duty and taxes are mandatory, so why not voting? But America is the land of the free, where the whole point is to do anything you want. Even dress up as fat Iron Man in Times Square on a Tuesday afternoon. So can you really force Americans to vote? Do you think in America voting should be compulsory?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Do you think America would ever accept mandatory voting? Definitely not. Why not? Because Americans are lazy, in general.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
And that includes the freedom to not vote?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Do you think mandatory voting can happen in America? No. I do not. I do not.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Maybe Americans think it's impossible, but mandatory voting does exist in 22 countries, including one that's even drunker, crazier, and whiter than the US. I'm talking about Australia, where they've had it since 1922.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Okay, for Americans, the term democracy sausage has had a bad taste since the Clinton administration. But for Australians, consuming child intestine meat on bread has been a voting tradition since the 1940s. But what about the people who don't think a sausage sizzle is enough incentive to vote? What kind of punishment do you have to enforce to make it so that over 90% of people go and vote?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
What, jail time? Public spanking? You have to wear a I didn't vote sticker?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
All right, OK, we get it. Enough already. Jesus. Anyone here have a puppy I can pet for 10 seconds just to clear my head?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Doesn't that make your election process very boring?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Damn, political science world star is gonna love this. But how do everyday Australians see it? I took a 25-hour flight and spent two weeks in quarantine just so I could talk to them myself in sunny Brisbane, Australia. What do you feel about the fact that voting is compulsory in Australia?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Just shut the up and vote. What do you guys think about mandatory voting in Australia?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Man, that is Australian. Why do you think voting isn't mandatory in America?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
All we needed to get people to vote was to elect Donald Trump. And then guess what? People turn up. We don't need to force people to vote.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Touché, Judith. But hopefully one day, Americans will also learn to enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of democracy sausage as much as our drunk, vote-loving mates down under.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
I'm scared to even ask, but what were they going to do with this large bag of dicks?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Okay, I'm from Southeast Asia. I've never heard of penis wine. What is it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Is it red or white? I didn't even get close enough to the table. What kind of flavor profile is this? Is it nutty? I didn't taste it. Is there notes of foreskin? Can we move on? This is a serious case. Oh, yeah. That's right, Holly. We're just going to mention penis wine and not talk about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
She's right. People thought they were donating their bodies for research to find cures for diseases, but instead it was real-life invasion of the body snatchers. How are they gonna fix this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
You don't need a license to deal with dead bodies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
You need a license to do nails. You need a license to fish. You need a license to drive a forklift.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Okay, sorry, can we just go back to the penis wine for a second? Do they stomp on dicks the way they stomp on grapes? Are they squeezing out the penis or are they just fermenting it? I don't know. And I'm really not sure I wanna know. No one should have their dead body violated or their genitals turned into a tasty beverage.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
And here in Arizona, people thinking about the afterlife are choosing something new, whole body donation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
If people are gonna donate, they should at least know exactly what they're getting themselves into. They need to know the truth. Until Arizona puts regulations in place, all we can do is offer competing services. Introducing GiveRonnieYourBody.com. Just give me your body and we'll take care of the rest.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
We provide services such as... Be turned into a human ventriloquist dummy. Be used for Weekend at Bernie sequels. Literal body pillow. Be filled at the Oscars.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Sound horrifying? You betcha. But it's also perfectly legal until Arizona changes its laws.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Here in America, we use straws for everything. Drinking, snorting cocaine, Okay, just those two things. But still, that's not nothing. Yet recently, local governments across the nation have been challenging our God-given right to bear straws.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Conservative Big Bird actually has a point here. So I headed to Washington, D.C., the latest city to ban straws, to meet Lillian, an environmental inspector. Her actual job is to go into local businesses and make sure they're not using plastic straws. That's right, she's a straw cop. So what do you hope to accomplish by banning something that's like 0.0000000000001% of our trash?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
If I don't use straws, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to do this? Yes, absolutely, that's what I would love. Lillian explained that over 40% of all plastic manufacturing is single-use, throwaway items that will take somewhere between 450 years and forever to disappear. But still, why are people suddenly so angry about straws? Why do you hate straws so much?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Wait, this is all because of a dumb viral video? Look, I've seen a lot of shit on YouTube. How bad could this be? Turns out, really bad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
It's a freaking straw. Okay, okay, I'm done. No more straws. But the video did leave me with one burning question. If I stick a straw up my nose, I could get 35 million views on YouTube.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
To investigate, I hit up a popular spot for the old folks to see if body donation really was all the rage. What do you want to happen to your body after you die? I'd consider whole body donation. Have you considered whole body donation?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
No, no, that's not, no. Okay, so tell me what you do on a day-to-day basis. Turns out that turtle was not faking it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
That sounds great. It was time for me to hit the streets and shadow Lillian on an actual straw raid. First step, case the joint. Clear, clear, clear, clear, clear, clear, clear. All right, clear.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Next, look for contraband. These are what we use. Very compostable.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Turns out this guy was clean, at least for today. But I knew things were about to get real when we hit the mother load. A coffee shop with enough plastic nose candy to take down Nemo's whole goddamn reef.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
And now the straw cops are gonna make you pay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Oh, really? That's convenient. Just happen to be switching when we walk in. Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Is this your straw? Whose straw is this? Straw, straw over here. Sorry, false alarm. It's fine, it's paper. Dispatch, we are entering premises, over. You see that guy over there? The black hoodie? Just gonna go ask him a few questions. Oh, oh, he's going, he's going. Go, go, go, go, go. Straw police, straw police. Drop the straw. Get on the ground .
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
But despite the successful raid, Lillian wasn't happy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Okay, change people's minds through constructive conversations. I can do that. Do you know how many f***ing turtles are dying in the ocean because there are straws up their nose? Why? Because motherf***ers can't seem to drink from cups without straws. Just put the cup to your mouth. Just put the cup to your mouth. That's it. You don't need a middleman.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
So you seem pretty old and close to death. What do you want to happen to you after you die?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Do you know how much damage this could do to a dolphin's anus? An oyster can eat this and suffocate to death. It's like you guys don't even care.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Yo, you can't call the police. We are the police.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Show her your badge now. She has a badge. Show her the badge. After a successful conversation, we voluntarily left the restaurant. I come back, I see any plastic straws in here, I'm burning this whole place to the ground. And hey, if a restaurant can ban me just for doing my job, How hard can it be to ban straws?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Cryptocurrency. Is this some fake , some nerds made up on the internet to steal our money? Or is it the future of finance? There is no way all these people buying cryptocurrency have any idea what the hell they're investing in. And it's not just Bitcoin. Ethereum, the number two cryptocurrency, has risen 5,000% since the start of this year. Why?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
What the hell does that mean? I spoke with one of the founders of Ethereum, Joe Lubin, to find out. First question, what is it? What is it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Is it just everyone just going decentralized from the dark web and drugs online? Exactly. Does cryptocurrency make you feel angry and confused? Well, it should. To make it easier to understand, we ripped off the big short and asked Margot Robbie to explain it in a bubble bath. But she said no. Cryptocurrencies are transparent and decentralized.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
When two strangers exchange money over the internet, it requires a middleman, like PayPal or a bank, who takes a percentage of the transaction. and that transaction is vulnerable to hacking. Cryptocurrencies are recorded in a public ledger called the blockchain, so it's impossible to cheat. They actually solve a lot of problems with exchanging money in a global digital world.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Don't get the out of here. I'm coming back. But still, is that worth a bajillion dollars? Why do so many suckers on the internet, sorry, I mean people, believe fake money as value?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
So the only thing backing this money is belief in the competency of the US government.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Damn. So not only is cryptocurrency fake, all money is fake. Wake up, Wall Street. You know, money isn't real, right? All this stuff is all fake. But Wall Street doesn't care if money is real, as long as they're making lots of it. They've been pumping millions into Bitcoin and Ethereum, driving the creation of thousands of new cryptocurrencies. But how low is the bar for entry?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Let me get this straight. You took Bitcoin and you just changed the font to Comic Sans. And we put a dog on it. This was the guy to talk to. So tell me about the genesis of doggy coin. Well, firstly, it's Dogecoin.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
It's not. But guess what? This stupid meme currency is worth almost $400 million.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
And sure, cryptocurrency might destroy the planet through climate change and supporting road nuclear states, but... This is America! So I decided to make my own cryptocurrency, but that has to be an incredibly complex... John, that was easy. I did it! It literally takes 10 minutes to go on a website and make your own coin. Time to make it rain Chencoin and kickstart the financial revolution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Do you accept Chencoin? Chen? Chencoin is like Bitcoin. It's disrupting global financial systems. using blockchain technology?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
No? No, only cash. I'll send you money over the internet. Money? I'm gonna demonstrate. So imagine if I send you this, right? Thank you. No, no, but digitally. No, no, no, give me back my five. How are people not getting this? No, I'm paying you. I'm paying you in Chan coin. Get the out of my camp. Out of my camp. Remember this moment.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
A human chop shop? These were people, not cars you strip down for parts. I turned to a team of lawyers trying to end this horror. So what the is happening in Arizona?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Remember this moment when you had a chance to jump on Chan coin and you didn't. All right, here's the last. Invest in Chan coin. Just don't ask me how it works. Chicago, big city, windy city, opinionated city. Whether you're from Hyde Park, Lincoln Park, or Wicker Park. Why is everything a park? Their food is as iconic as their corruption. Al's Italian beef sandwich.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Garrett's addictive popcorn mix. Portillo's jumbo hot dogs. And of course, the legendary Chicago pizza I've heard so much about. What the f***? is this. This is Chicago deep dish pizza. Yo, I said I wanted pizza, not some Italian guy's dump on a plate. This looks like me eating pizza and then throwing it up into a bread bowl and then leaving it in the sun to dry. This is how Chicago does pizza.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
Yeah, role models. I don't know about role models, but comedy inspirations, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I always thought Bill Burr was great, and I got to meet him. He messaged me on Facebook one day when I was in Australia, and his profile picture was a car. And so I didn't believe it was him when he messaged me. I was like, I'm getting catfished right now by Bill Burr.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And he was like, hey, I saw your clip on a plane and you were really funny and hope we can work together. And it sounded so catfishy. I was like, yeah, whatever, truck, right? And... But then I thought like, oh, if I can live with being catfished, I can't live with if it was actually Bill Burr, and I said off. So I replied like, oh, hey, thanks. I'm a huge fan of yours.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
That's high praise coming from you. I live in Australia, so I don't think we'll ever get a chance to work together. But hopefully one day, if I ever get to go to America, I'll see you in the circuit. And then he said, hey, I'm touring Australia next year. I'd love for you to be on the show. open for me. And I was like, yeah, whatever, it's a truck. It's a catfish, it's clearly a catfish.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And so I was like, whatever. And then I didn't think too much about it. I kept kind of doing my thing. And then a year later, hey, I get this email to go to the theater. And the whole time I'm like, I'm going to get murdered. You know, this is not going to... And I show up until I was in Bill Burr's green room. And he was like, oh, this will be on the show, man. That clip was super fun.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
I saw you on the plane. And he became a friend and a mentor. And he executive produces my comedy specials now. And it's a real crazy, rare story of meeting your heroes and them being really cool in the end. Yeah, so Bill Burr, and that's about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
You mean the movie challengers. I've talked so much shit about this movie. And I support women in the arts. Zendaya is, like, my favorite. I love that they put a woman in sports. It's cool. I have a lot of problems with it. The two tennis players are hot. The two men they chose, not up to par. I want, like, I want big Italians or, like, Serbian dudes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
Like, I don't want these, like, twinkie British guys. And then...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
It was like... And he's... When he was a coach, he was just a zaddy in the stands. It was... I mean, Tommy Haas. Oh, these men are beautiful. I lost track. But, um...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
The grip was so off. And I'm fine with her having a grip that's off. But if you're going to say the greatest tennis player who ever played tennis, just put the grip. It's like if a football player was holding it from the back of the football and throwing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
Also, show a threesome. Like, show it. I also never watched the movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Trevor, who gives a shit about Best Picture, all right? The story this year is all about the deserving nominees who are snubbed. Snubs, snubs, and more snubs, especially in the only category that anyone actually cares about, Best Supporting Actor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Oh, wow, great job, Academy. Solid group of nominees. But maybe you're snubbing someone? Someone like, I don't know, me, Ronny Chieng? Supporting actor in Crazy Rich Asians, available on iTunes and airplanes everywhere? Wait, you genuinely think you've been snubbed? I think I've been, yeah, of course I've been snubbed. I lost to a bunch of no-name hacks.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Come on, Ronnie, those are great actors in this category. Sam Elliott was amazing in A Star Is Born. Sam Elliott. Listen, Trevor, everyone in the business knows his mustache is doing all the acting, okay? I could have grown a mustache like that, but I care too much about the craft to rely on cheap facial props like that, okay? Also, my lip can't do that. Okay, well, fine.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
What about Adam Driver in Black Klansman? You mean emo Darth Vader who brought whining to a galaxy far, far away? Big deal, he played a Jewish guy pretending to be in the KKK. I was playing a Chinese person from Hong Kong when I'm really a Chinese person from Malaysia, okay? That's range. Plus, in the movie, I had to play an asshole, when in reality, I'm more of a dick, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
And understanding that subtle difference is what separates the best supporting men from the best supporting boys, okay? And what about Mahershala Ali, huh? He just sat in the car for two hours. I do that every time I take a Uber. All I get is two stars. And don't get me started on Richard E. Grant. I bet you're like, who's that, right, Trevor? No, actually, we know him.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
He's the veteran actor, he's a character actor, he's been in movies for decades. Okay, well, shut up, Trevor, all right? You know what? I should nominate you for least supportive friend. Besides, this guy's movie only made $8 million. I know Instagram stories that made more money, all right? Last and certainly the least, Sam Rockwell in Vice, again. He already won last year.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Are we just gonna keep nominating him? Is this the Best Supporting Actor Award or the Best Sam Rockwell Award? Plus, there's already another Sam nominated, okay? Too many Sams. Hashtag OscarSoSams.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Well, guess what, Trevor? I'm... I'm actually not angry. That was... that was all just acting.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Oh, wow. Dude, you... I'm not gonna lie. You actually had us going. Uh, yeah. Thank you. And, uh, I hope the Academy will, uh, consider this episode for next year's Oscars. Well... We're on TV, so it's not eligible for those awards.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Thank you, thank you all so very much. As the hottest year in recorded history, our production needed to move to the southern tip of this planet just to be able to find snow.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
We feel entitled to artificially inseminate a cow, and when she gives birth, we steal her baby, even though her cries of anguish are unmistakable. and then we take her milk that's intended for her calf, and we put it in our coffee and our cereal.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Who's doing the wave? I think that laid him off easy because he can throw a ball really fast.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Hall of Fame. Okay, hang on, hang on. So you'd be okay if LeBron James went around punching babies?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
No, they didn't. They just accidentally made baseball a thousand times better. Yeah, I get to eat avocados and take a nap. Just take away the game and it's a perfect afternoon. And also, that wasn't a real millennial experience, okay? If it was, the fans would have left the game with $100,000 in student debt.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Really? Because it just proves how boring baseball is. The most interesting thing that happened was a ball that went out of bounds.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
No, that video's totally out of context. Deadspin reported that that guy everyone hates actually gave that same kid a ball earlier.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Oh, I don't like this. They have two balls. But that guy only took the second ball so he could give it to another kid. So not only is he not an asshole, he's like baseball Jesus. Yeah, he gave gifts to children and we crucified him for it. All we had to do was wait for the whole story.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Isn't sports more fun when you wait five minutes for all the facts to make an informed decision instead of reacting to everything with blind passion?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Trevor, everyone's being very alarmist about this, all right? Dude, this is America. As though they're gonna stop baseball. It's gonna come back. Of course they're gonna find an agreement. Oh, what's the alternative? They're just gonna never play baseball again? Of course it's gonna happen. This is like a, it's like an encore at a Billy Joel concert. You know he's gonna play piano, man.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Just calm the down. Just wait. There's no patience here in America. We love baseball, but we don't like patience, which is ironic, because it's the game you need the most patience for, because it's long.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
I think I may have detected a little pattern with Senator Obama. It's pretty simple, really. When he's campaigning in Philadelphia, he roots for the Phillies. Then when he's campaigning in Tampa Bay, he shows love to the Rays. That guy's an a**hole!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
I'd rather you ask me for a job. I don't know, potato peeler. What's the least, most useful? Over there, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Oh yeah, hell yeah. Hell yeah, definitely, for sure, New York. I actually, when I first got my visa, I went to L.A. My agent told me to come to L.A. and do pilot season. And that's an industry term for everyone. There's one guy in the industry laughing already. Yeah, my agent said, hey, come to L.A. Do a pilot season.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Pilot season means you go into audition room with 20 Asian dudes who look like you. Who all went to, like, Yale drama school. And they were auditioning for, like, you know, Sidekick 2 on whatever. And I was in that. I was in that for one... I did that one time. And... As in, I was in that season one time. And I knew, like, man, I'm not gonna out-act all these actual trained, talented people.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
The only thing I can do with my limited skill set is go to New York and be a huge asshole. And so... And it worked out a lot better. So New York, definitely. New York is... Yeah, New York for life. Thank you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Uh, your party restaurant. Okay. Wait, what? Yeah, first of all, what's a party restaurant? You mean like party restaurant or like, like what kind of, well, um, uh, usually when people ask me this, the first is, the first question is, do you want white people food or Asian food? That's the first. Asian. Okay. You don't have to point to your Asian friend when you say that. That's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
You can like Asian food without pointing out Asian people. That's fine. So you want Asian, then that means you want rice or you want noodles? Noodles, okay, then go to Weila. Go to what? Weila, Weila. Weila? Yeah, Weila. It's a great restaurant in Chinatown. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You're not going to go, so don't worry about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Yeah, in Chinatown, there's a restaurant called Weila. You're not going to go. Don't worry about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
No, no. I'm going to say it. You're going to go, oh, that sounds nice. You're never going to go, so don't worry about it. You're going to go eat pizza outside in Times Square. Times Square is the best pizza.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Let me see. What happened with me was I was doing shitty open mics in Australia, and then Trevor asked me to audition for it. So if you can find Trevor, I think he can help you. Anyone else got any questions? Anyone else have any questions? Questions that are not like job offers, please. Yeah, in the back there. Yeah, move it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
no i mean it's rush hour for love we have all this pressure from society to take people out and if you can't get it done guess what everyone is upset in puerto rico which means friendship day what are you doing friendship day uh you give your friends like candy and flowers you get into a fight with your partner over what restaurant booking you could not get no well then that's not valentine's day
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Oh, really? You don't feel the pressure of society weighing on you on February 14th?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Oh, yeah? I'm sure all your platonic guy friends really love hanging out with you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
So the other 364 days, they can go themselves. What other day do you wake up and just think about love first? Well, if you're a good person every day.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Okay, so is Valentine's Day the worst day of the year or not? No, it's not. Chocolate's the worst candy. Prove me wrong. Chocolate's delicious. Pure chocolate? Pure cocoa? Tastes like shit. Why are you so angry at chocolate? Because it's overrated. Like, if you really love me, get me something that lasts. Like your HBO password. Sharing the HBO password. Is a sign of true love.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
And a sign of commitment. Yeah, it means I'm going to let this person up my algorithm.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Sex should be a morning thing, never a night thing. Prove me wrong.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Whatever. It's the rhythm you have. As a human.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
This is what you do in the morning. This is like coffee. This is nature's coffee.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Single people should not be allowed out of their homes on Valentine's Day. Prove me wrong. I agree.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
I think you are better at this than I am. So maybe you should sit here and take my job, please.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. How is that dumb? Valentine's Day is not for single losers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
They're losers who couldn't find someone on the most desperate day of the year. What are they supposed to do? Go on a hinge date or something on Valentine's Day? How much of a loser are you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Sorry, someone's pissing on the street in Brooklyn. What a surprise. If you're single on Valentine's Day, the government should send you money. Prove me wrong.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Yeah, but it's a Valentine's Day thing. People are sad on Valentine's Day. Just send them some money.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Oh, really? No. If I give you $20 right now, would you be happy? No. Yeah, well, fine. I'll give you $50. If I give you $50, would you be happy?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Some tax breaks at least. We're the ones who need it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
We're the desperate, sad people who need that money. I want to say desperate and do something. Are you going out with someone on Valentine's Day?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Do you really want this? It's cute. Look at my nails.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
All right, fine. I'll prove to you it's the worst day. Come on a date with me on Valentine's Day. I'll show you it's the worst day of the year.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Yeah, Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year. F*** it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
It's Valentine's Day, otherwise known as the saddest day of the year to go on Pornhub. Some people think this day is about love, but really, it's about arguing with strangers on the street on Prove Me Wrong Valentine's Day Edition. Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year. Prove me wrong.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
You were spot on to the day, by the way. In hindsight, I was like, oh my god. Because I remember there was a day I was in New York City gigging at some comedy club. And it was two years in, literally almost to the day. And I remember things just starting to click a little bit of relearning how to do comedy. Because again, you, like me, we were doing comedy outside of America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, it's a bit like, you know, you can come here and you can joke about America on a very surface level. And that will do well for you if you have a 15-minute set, maybe 30-minute set. But I feel like after nine months or a year in America, the audience can kind of smell the bullshit of like, you've been here long enough. Yes. Right. Like, guns shouldn't be weird to you. That's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
So really, how profound your two-year thing was. Like, it takes two years to learn the nuances of America so you can make fun of them in ways which... Yes, exactly. They appreciate.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Like, don't tell us we have guns. We know we have guns.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
So you were, like, going deeper and deeper and deeper into it, which, you know, that was my guiding light as well when I first started here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Come back with the same question in two years, and then we'll talk. You're smart. And I wonder, like, do you feel like satire in 2023? Is that, you know, you've been at the show, you've seen The Daily Show kind of evolve over a lot of times. And when you joined the show, there wasn't anyone else doing it, kind of. There wasn't TikTok, there wasn't Instagram.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Right. So it wasn't a bunch of, you know... like, assholes on talking about, you know, like, trying to do satire but it up all the time. And so... What? Sorry, now I'm just attacking a bunch of people on social media.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, no, I'm down. I'm hosting for one day. Come at me, TikTok. That's a very fancy shirt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this one is We I got this shirt made in New York City Chinatown No, he's a girl. He's a legit as Taylor and then he asked me if I wanted my Chinese name Embroidered on it. I was like go for it. And then now it just looks like a mustard stain. I
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, it doesn't look like a... It does look a little bit like a mustard steak.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
I know things are a little choppy here, but monogrammed shirts... No, I told them if they didn't monogram it, they were racist. And then they just did, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, but, like, that's the thing. Like, we're both immigrants in America. And do you ever... I guess my question to you is, like, how do you answer the people who are like, if you don't like it here, leave? Because I get that a lot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
you and your show that's all we love that's it but i was i was back on that other point like do you feel there's a place for satire like basically the the the news is so crazy right now reality is sometimes matching up to the news sometimes in that environment do you feel that satire is still possible like you know when you're doing a joke ironically do you feel like people can get it that you're trying to ironically be the bad guy in some you know oh i see you mean like if you're doing filthy because we
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
I'm asking about, for me... I'm talking about for me.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
all about earn your voice like me. I did. I had to f***ing get on this show to get a voice. You don't get a voice just because you're in your underwear on Instagram. Ronny regrets that gatekeepers have been removed from the process.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
I love the gatekeepers. It was so tough to come here. It was really tough for me to come here. I like you. I also really wanted to come here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
In fact, don't even talk about the green card. Even the visa before the green card, it's called the extraordinary ability visa. Yes. You have to prove, first of all, that you have extraordinary ability, which I challenge anyone to do. Unless you're freaking an NBA player or something. And then, second of all, it's like, if you don't constantly prove that you're... They can deport you. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Like, if I have a bad segment on The Daily Show, I'm... That's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, so in a weird way, I'm with you in that, like, immigrants to America who come here actually want to be here and have fought to be here, and we're the ones who get shit done here. Yes. Because we had to f***ing prove it every single time. That's right. Immigrants.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
So we get it. You know, every interview I've researched you on, you profess your love for America. You're still here. Clearly you still love it. Yeah. Okay, so can you shut the f*** up and be American for one minute instead of constantly complaining and talking like a f***ing foreign all the time?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
I want you to eat this hot dog right now. Oh, boy. And then I want you to throw this football, and first of all, you have to call it a football. Okay, I can't do that. I call it an American football. Okay, American football. I'll call it an American football. And you've got to throw this to me. So you're going to eat that first, and you're going to throw this to me. Okay, like this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Okay, all right. So eat this first.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
This is Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
All right, all right. We get it. Enough already. Enough. I agree with you more than I agree with them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah. That's why... That's why I was so happy you came on, because people don't know by looking at us, but we actually have very similar backgrounds, because we both joined the show. I moved to America to do this show, just like you. And when I first joined the show, you know, the Daily Show alumni network is so strong, I asked to meet up with Mr. Oliver.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Mr. Oliver. Hold on. He was Mr. Oliver. I was like, there's no way this guy's going to let me meet up with him.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
And that really, at the end of the day, that is the secret sauce. Well, that is the, I mean, you know, you have to really not care to do satire sometimes. And everyone's like, people, I don't think people know how much you don't give a f***. Yes. Like, you truly don't give a f***.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
You said there's a button, you just got to push it. Yeah, exactly. Because, I mean, you know, and what was interesting was when I met with you, this is how much you don't give a f***. You made me come to your office at 8 a.m., first of all, which is... Which is extremely early for comedians. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, and I came and I talked to, and I have very specific questions. And one thing you told me, I've been using this in my podcast rounds. I don't know if it's come back to you, but like when you told me it took you two years to relearn how to do comedy in America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
My guest tonight is a comedy icon and an Academy Award-nominated actor whose new film is called The Friend. I can't believe I get to say this, but please welcome the legend Bill Murray.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Well, meet me in the studio after the show. Meet me behind the studio because I got a quick fix for you. Let's get into it with Indecision 2025, locally sourced edition. This Tuesday, there's an election for a seat on the Wisconsin Supreme Court, and I know what you coastal elites are thinking. So what?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Thank you. Wow. Thank you so much for being the only guest who put the merch on.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I know, we give it to everybody. No one ever does what they're told and wears it on stage. I also have to thank you for something else. I've never told this story on air, but I was lucky a couple years ago. I was doing shows with Dave Chappelle in Ohio, and they said, hey, Ronnie, we have a plane for you back to New York, but do you mind dropping off Bill Murray? Okay. along the way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And I was like, are you kidding me? I get to go on a plane with Bill Murray? Does he want me on? And like, no, no, he's great. Yeah, totally. He wants you on. And you let me get on your plane so I could get out of Ohio. So I really appreciate it. Thanks so much. Hey, that goes for all of you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And the whole time I was on the plane with you, you were so generous, you were so kind, you were very considerate. You were trying to time the flight so I wouldn't hit traffic in New York. And I couldn't believe you were talking to me. And the whole time I was like, oh my God, I'm living... one of these legendary Bill Murray stories right now. Like I'm in the story that I keep hearing about.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And so there's all these stories about you kind of popping up around America. And I just want to ask, like, is this kind of philosophy of life, of this live in the moment randomness, is that something you kind of carry into your self-expression?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah, but it is a conscious choice, right, to be present, because not many people can do it. I mean, you've said yourself you try to make yourself more available.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah, so I guess just in terms of Hollywood, applying that philosophy to this crazy thing we call show business Hollywood. And your approach to it has always really intrigued me because you're someone who I feel is, even though you're an icon in the Hollywood system, you still feel like you purposely take yourself outside the system. I mean, is that a conscious choice for you to be
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I agree with that. But you acknowledge that's not a common thing for most of these guys in Hollywood. I despise the rest of them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah, and I mean, sorry to hop on about it, but I just want to emphasize how strongly I feel this embodies your philosophy. And I feel like, because I think it was after Ghostbusters I read that biggest movie in the world at the time, and you immediately kind of moved to France with your whole family and started studying at the Sorbonne. Mm-hmm. Just to get yourself out of it, I guess.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
They'll rule on, what, whether it's legal to marry your cheese or whatever the issues are in Wisconsin? Well, yes, that is part of it, but also, it will determine whether abortion is legal in Wisconsin and how to redraw election districts, which could even determine which party controls Congress. And that's why the weather report for Wisconsin is...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And the other thing, because you've been, you had such longevity in the business, you've been around. I feel like you're one of the few guys who is actually qualified to talk about this. So right now, I feel like we keep looking at the past with these rose-tinted glasses, just with culture. I mean, forget politics or whatever, just culturally when we talk about movies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And you were part of this incredible run of American comedy films, like it was Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Scrooge. You had this run of just stripes of hits. And we look back on that now as, like, this golden age in American comedy film. When you were in that era, were you looking back at previous eras and going, that was the golden age? Or were you like, no, I'm the king right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Well, good news for you. People, everyone wants you in that movie. Yeah, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
With Pete Davidson?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Right. Yeah, well, that deserves a round of applause. I mean, Naomi Watts is killer.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I love how you started promoting this movie and then you had to quickly promote this other movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
It's really the best, like being together. Yeah, which brings me to this other question I had. Like, you were talking about the movies you're doing now, The Friend and Riff Raff. I mean, these are indie movies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And I guess, just talking about your career again, there was a moment when, after all these blockbusters and you were the biggest name on the planet, you kind of, like, you went away for a bit and you shifted into this, like, You basically ushered in this new golden age of American independent film with Lost in Translation and, you know, all these Wes Anderson movies. And I guess, was that...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Was that planned?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And I know you're living in the moment, and it's very Buddhist, and I appreciate that, and I try to live that philosophy. But I'm just saying, you have to acknowledge, at the time when you did these indie movies, you had a lot of clout, and you were risking it, whether you cared about it or not. You were risking it on these kind of unproven, talented directors a lot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And was that a conscious choice to, like, I want to give people a chance, or were you just attracted to the material?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Right. And you were, you know... Oh, okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
No, it's... It's fine to applaud every word this guy says, because I'm doing it too, but... Oh, I should say, but these guys wrote a good movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I watched it. It's very touching. It deals with some pretty sad topics. It's a very dramatic role for you, I would say. There's a... I don't know. I checked with the director. It's not a spoiler alert. You're essentially dead most of the movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
But...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Okay, wow. Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
All right. Yeah, and how do you stop them? How do you control them?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
They love you. Don't stop the love. Let the love come in. And I know you're going to, I know you didn't plan this, but one of the themes I noticed in your career is that you have this kind of, there's these animals that pop up in a lot of your films a lot in a cool way, you know, like Groundhog Day and The Friend, the dog, there's an elephant, there's, you know, gophers. Gopher problems, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah. So I don't know, do you think there's something, I know you're not thinking about that, but is there something, what is it about these animals?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I'm getting to it a little backwards. I look for a pet elephant before I have kids here, but I'm gonna try to find one.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And I mean, you are, you're such a, you came up, not only are you an American icon, but you came up through these iconic American institutions, like SNL and, you know, it created Ghostbusters and Second City.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Second City, all these institutions. And my question to you is, you know, it feels like these institutions kind of don't have the kind of sheen that they used to have before in terms of attracting all the talent. Because now people are going to TikTok and making a video in the toilet seat. And I guess my question to you, do you like that? Is that a good thing?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Now, I know $20 million sounds like a lot, but remember that Elon has over $300 billion. $20 million is like one of his kids. It means nothing to him. But... Yes, this race has turned into a billionaire royal rumble. I mean, they're spending $100 million, which is obscene.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
That people are on their toilet making videos and...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
No, South Park is brilliant.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
They've got a herd of people. Yeah. But I guess my question, because I revered American institutions, American comedy institutions specifically. That's why I'm here in America. And I came here because my dream was always to be take part in it in some way. I'm lucky that these guys gave me a shot, but I guess I always saw the value of these institutions.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
It was an elite pressure cooker.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I mean, you know, for that kind of money, you could have bought tens of thousands of Wisconsin residents their first ever salad. Instead, they're spending it on ads like this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Well, speaking of American institutions, Mr. Bill Murray, your institution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
It brought my family together. If my dad was still around, he would have loved this. He would have loved that I got to meet you. I'm sorry. If my dad were around, he'd love it, too. Thanks so much, Mr. Bill Murray, everybody.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
The Friend opens in New York March 28th and nationwide April 4th. Mr. Bill Murray, we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. Hey, that's our show for the night.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Because for me watching this on the outside, I'm like, should the rest of us put a wall up around Wisconsin to keep all the pedophiles in there? I mean, I know it'll trap the kids in there too, but the kids are probably also pedophiles, so it should be fine.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I mean, there's so many pedophiles that if you wanna win, you should probably be making pro-pedophile ads because it seems like it's a big constituency over there. Like, why don't you do some outreach? But hey, I guess this is the story of American elections. Way too much money paying for way too many negative ads.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
In fact, Elon Musk is spending so much money on attack ads, he's not even paying attention to who the ads are attacking.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Okay, to be fair, if I'm ever talking to a white woman over 50 and I forget her name, I just call her Susan Crawford. And I'm usually right like 80% of the time. But hey, maybe Elon just needs glasses. I mean, it could change everything. He'd be like, oh my God, that Cybertruck looks like shit. But... But... Elon isn't just spending all that money on attack ads.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
He's also dusting off a tactic from the 2024 election, voter self-checkout.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Come on, Elon. It's going to take more than that for Americans to sell their souls to you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
A million dollars? Come on, Elon. You have taken way less for Americans to sell their souls to you, all right? I would have done it for $250. For more on the flood of billionaire money, let's go live to Wisconsin with our very own Grace Kulinsmith. Grace. Grace, Grace. Wait, why are you dressed like the Monopoly man?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Wait, you beat up an old man? Is he okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
That sounds kind of dangerous.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Okay, Grace, this is awful, all right? Billionaires should not have this level of influence in local elections.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Okay, so Wisconsin doesn't mind the billionaires meddling in the elections?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
All right. Oh, this is disgusting.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
No, no, no. I mean, it's outrageous for Wisconsin to shift its entire economy to depend on billionaire election money.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
What about taxes? Huh? Taxes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
What? Taxes. Speak up. Taxes. One more time. Taxes. Two more times. Taxes, taxes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Welcome back to The Daily Show. Look, I know there's a lot of Trump haters out there who are like, this guy can't focus. He's got the attention span of a golden retriever on cocaine, which sounds like a great idea for a movie, but it's not. And I call dibs. Well, you couldn't be more wrong.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
OK, three months into his term, President Trump is still laser focused on the single most important issue affecting most Americans. invading Greenland.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
You heard that right. Denmark has to have us, need to have Denmark have us, have Greenland. It's very clear. So last week, President Trump announced that he would be sending a special delegation to the future 52nd state, led by a very special woman who Trump is definitely vaguely aware of.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
She loves the concept of Greenland. I mean, green? She loves green. And land? Don't even get her started. Now, in some ways, Usha Vance is a great person for this trip. I mean, Greenland is pretty cold and lifeless, so being married to JD Vance has left her very prepared.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight. The legendary Bill Murray is in the house. But first, we're still 19 months away from the 2026 midterms, but I know there's some absolute freaks out there who need an election sooner than that. 19 months is too long, man. I need something right now. I'll suck your for an exit poll.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And if she was hoping a trip to Greenland would at least be a few days away from her boring husband, well, he had some bad news for her.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
J.D., give her some space, OK? If you want to know what she's up to, don't worry. She's going with Mike Waltz. So the whole world is going to know every move she makes. But with this all-star delegation, I'm sure Greenland is going to roll out the red carpet for American imperialism.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Wow, they're holding out signs that say, Greenland belongs to indigenous people. America is like, oh, you have no idea how much we don't care about that. Here's some measles. Now, I mean, Greenland does not want to make America great again. In fact, they want the opposite.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
That's right. Make America go away. I do love the tone. It's very bitchy. I mean, they should make one that says, oh, seriously, America, just kill yourself already. So basically, the people of Greenland really hate J.D. Vance in particular, which means, as always, Donald Trump is right. They really are ready to be Americans.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
When we come back, some guy called Bill Murray will be joining me on the show, so don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Uh, no. This country's pretty . Uh, that... that being said, uh, this is actually a good idea. I do like a garden of heroes. I mean, America is so divided, but if we can walk in a garden with statues of George Washington and Neil Armstrong and Paul Giamatti, maybe it'll bring us together.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Yeah, yeah, it's great. Did you say Paul Giamatti? The bald guy from Billions is in your top three? Uh, he's also the bald guy in Sideways and Big Mama's House. Also, I saw him eat a hot dog in Union Square, although that might have just been another bald guy. But either way, American hero. Giamatti's not statue status. At best, he can be a plaque or a name on a bench. A bench?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Uh, the thing people fart and smoke crack on? I don't think so, okay? Paul Giamatti gets a statue, maybe two. We're not putting Paul Giamatti next to Abraham Lincoln and John Adams. Uh, Paul Giamatti won an Emmy playing John Adams, okay? How many Emmys did John Adams win for being John Adams? Ronnie, what the are you talking about? John Adams was the second president and he didn't have slaves.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Early America, no slaves. Second president, pretty cool. Yeah, you know who else didn't have slaves? Paul the Hardy with the body Giamatti. I'm like, I'm really trying to be unified right now, but Ryan, I'm truly going to kill you. Okay, well, why don't you come over here? I'll unify my fist with your face.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Oh, I'm sorry that I don't want to walk through a garden staring at Lincoln's penis. Ronnie, what? Why would his penis be out? Because obviously the statues will be naked. Like they are in Europe. They all got little baby carrot dicks, okay? It's called culture. Bro, this is America, all right? Our statues have clothes, wear funny-ass hats, and ride horses.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Okay, look, I'll give you the hats and horses, but they're nude or I walk.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Oh! Can we please not D.I. the f***ing garden?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Gnomes?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Okay, we are not making a statues into gnomes. And if we did, wouldn't it be Ruth Bader Gnomesburg? I hate you, and I hate your half of the country.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Thank you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Thank you, Desi.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Fine, fine, but she's nude and her boobs have to look like Paul Giamatti.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
I'm fine with that, as long as she's surrounded by, like, a lovely little field of begonias. Begonias? You stupid f***. It's Piccadilly, so I burned this garden to the ground.