The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Harvard Rejects Trump Order, SCOTUS Gets Left on Read | Nimesh Patel
Wed, 16 Apr 2025
Ronny Chieng tackles the Trump administration shirking responsibility for a Maryland father's mistaken deportation to El Salvador, their aggressive media tirade invoking Osama Bin Laden, and Harvard's defiance of Donald Trump. Plus, Josh Johnson explains how Trump's power changes from Harvard to El Salvador. Trump promised that under his presidency, the rest of the world would fear and respect America "like never before." Desi Lydic takes a look at how other countries are responding to his massive trade war with a little less "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" and a little more "F-U." Emmy-nominated writer and comedian Nimesh Patel sits down to discuss his upcoming stand-up tour. They chat about the first time they met in the New York comedy scene, the importance of crashing out on stage, why his daughter is “the biggest tariff” he’s encountered thus far, and the well-known Indians of MAGA.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What happened with the Maryland father's mistaken deportation to El Salvador?
The Trump administration says it cannot return a Maryland man mistakenly deported to El Salvador. Trump officials argue that since Abrego Garcia is locked inside a prison in El Salvador, it's essentially not their problem anymore and they can't do anything about it.
But yesterday at the White House, Bukele said he didn't have the authority to release Garcia either.
Chapter 2: Why is the Trump administration ignoring the Supreme Court’s order?
I don't have the power to return him to the United States.
This is like every customer service call I've ever been on. Oh, I'm sorry, this is billing. You're looking for technical support. Let me transfer you. Hello, this is technical support. Oh, sorry, you need billing. Can someone just help me cancel my cable? Except for Comedy Central, which is a vital service for American society.
But the Trump administration isn't just enjoying their fun new constitutional loophole. They're also going on offense. That's why Stephen Miller, Trump advisor and multiverse's most whiny Lex Luthor, was also on the driveway asking questions he did not want the answer to.
Can anyone here tell me, what would happen to the illegal alien from El Salvador if he came back from the United States? Does anyone here know? Does anyone want to guess? Any of you. He could be with his family. What? Any of you know the answer to the question? Legally, what would happen if he came back here? Does any of you know? Any of you? Do you really believe the Supreme Court?
I'm talking now. Do you really believe the Supreme Court doesn't think he should be retired? Why was it you now? You're done.
You asked a question, man. You can't be mad that they're trying to answer you. It's like if a teacher said, OK, class, who can tell me the capital of Norway? Anyone? Anyone? Shut the up. Now answer the question. I said shut up. But it's not just Stephen Miller. The entire Trump administration is getting frustrated with how these dumb libs are whining about this one guy from Maryland.
Oh, it's so awful. We accidentally sent a guy to the world's worst prison without trial or due process. Shut the up, okay? Because according to Homeland Security, he wasn't that great.
The media would love for you to believe that this is a media darling, that he's just some Maryland father. Well, Osama bin Laden was also a father, and yet he wasn't a good guy, and they actually are both terrorists.
This tween influencer is right. It's the position of this administration that all fathers are basically Osama bin Laden. I mean, seriously, this guy has no criminal record at all. If he's a terrorist, he might be the worst terrorist ever. I mean, he's been in America for 14 years and hasn't done any terrorism. So maybe Trump is right. Maybe immigrants really are lazy. What?
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Chapter 3: How is Harvard resisting the Trump administration’s demands?
Let me just say confessionally, I went to Harvard College. Most of the good things that have happened to me in some way trace back to Harvard. You and I, as Harvard Americans, I first heard him speak as a guest lecturer at Harvard. Okay, well, I got into Harvard, too. In fact, it was the only college I applied to.
So I know we're trying to bring people back from the El Salvador mega prison, but do they have room for one more by any chance? For more on Harvard's resistance to the Trump administration, let's go live to the White House with Josh Johnson.
Josh. Josh. What's the latest? Oh, I'll tell you the latest, Ronnie. Harvard is about to get f***ed up. I mean, do these Cambridge nerds have any idea the kind of power they're dealing with? Donald Trump is the president of the United motherf***ing States.
Uh, right. And since he's so powerful, he can also get Kilmer Garcia back from El Salvador.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Donald Trump doesn't have that kind of power, all right? He's only the president of the United States. That's like being a middle school principal. He doesn't even get his own parking space. You want to put him up against the sovereign nation of El Salvador? The Salvador? Don't be crazy, man.
Okay, okay, wait. But since when does Trump respect sovereign nations? I mean, he's been talking all month about invading Greenland.
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Chapter 4: Who is Nimesh Patel and what is his connection to Harvard?
And he will. Greenland belongs to America. You know why? Because Donald Trump said so. And when you're swinging around a pee-pee as big as Donald Trump's, that's all it takes.
Okay, so he should do that with El Salvador.
With his tiny little pee-pee? Trump! Can't tell El Salvador to do that. That country is terrifying. They got a prison filled with Osama bin Ladens. You saw what one bin Laden can do. Just think about multiple Osama's bin Ladens.
Okay. Josh, Trump can't have it both ways, okay? How can he be fighting a trade war with China if he's so weak? Who you calling weak, bitch? All right?
Donald Trump has nukes. He's the biggest army in the world. They tried to shoot him, and he just shook it off.
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Chapter 5: What is the current status of the dispute between Trump and Harvard?
Okay. Okay, I think I'm getting it here. Okay, so when it comes to China, Trump is powerful. He's God on Earth. And Canada. He's Zeus.
Mars? Trump spits on Mars, then he finds the biggest crater and he f***s it, all right? Okay. Like, yeah. And El Salvador? What do you expect him to do to El Salvador? Their president showed up wearing black on black looking like Juan Wick. But Trump, Trump's just a scared little kid. His mom died 25 years ago. Do you know that? You want to put that little orphan boy on a plane to El Salvador?
You sick.
Okay, I'm sorry. I guess I just don't understand the power dynamic.
Wait.
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Chapter 6: How does Josh Johnson describe Trump's power in relation to El Salvador and Harvard?
What? You went to Harvard? Well, to the bookstore. Did you know if you say you're going to buy a sweatshirt, they'll let you tear up that bathroom? Okay, Josh Johnson, everyone.
When we come back, Desi Lydon will give America our respect, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show.
I have some disturbing news. America is not the only country in the world. But what do these other so-called countries think of America? To find out, we turn to Desi Lydic.
Respect. We all learned how to spell it from that song. H-O-T-T-O-G-O. Find out what it means to me. The scale of respect can go from as high as old Kanye to as low as current Kanye. It's a wide spectrum. And during his campaign, Donald Trump promised that America would be climbing the respect charts again.
Under my leadership, America soon will be respected again, very quickly respected like never before. America will be respected again and admired again. If we win, America will be feared and respected again.
Oh, yeah. Remember Trump's garbage era when he wore a garbage costume and drove up in a garbage truck? It was like, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, trash. Anyway, he's going to get us respected again. And there's nothing the world respects more than a good old-fashioned trade war. So now that we're a few weeks into it, let's see how that's going over with the rest of the world, starting with China.
So if the United States wants to go in that direction of completely shutting itself out of the China market, be my guest.
Yeah, and China will lose the U.S. market, which, as I've said, is 15%. We don't care.
We don't care. We don't care.
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Chapter 7: How are other countries responding to Trump's trade war with the U.S.?
Sure, we put an economically crippling tariff on them, but we're still friends, right? Give us some of that friendly respect you're known for.
In a country known for its politeness, this morning, growing outrage.
Many of them now boycotting American goods and travel here. This is my last day with an American product.
Social media erupting with calls to buy Canadian and boycott USA.
So you can buy-buy America and you can buy Canadian. Love that. Right? The flag for that.
You've even got Canadian morning shows being mean to us? Keep in mind, the rest of that show is just the co-hosts apologizing that the weather isn't nicer. Guys, we even lost Canada. Is there anyone in the world that still respects us?
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Chapter 8: What examples illustrate global reactions to Trump's trade policies?
These are not actions one does to a friend. Totally unnecessary and stupid.
The madness of a mentally ill man. The biggest assault we have seen since the end of the Second World War.
The mess they use is dumb mess. They've been calculated in a way that makes back of the envelope Crayola crayon scrawlings look like the work of Isaac Newton.
That felt like going through It's a Small World, but all those puppet children are telling us to right off. So there you have it. Donald Trump promised we'd be respected like never before. And technically, we have reached never before seen levels of respect. So that's why this week, I'm ranking America's respectedness at stepmom who insists we call her mom, but we're still going to call her Joyce.
Better luck next round, America. Thank you, Desi.
When we come back, another Desi Nimesh Patel will be joining me on the show, so don't go away.
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an Emmy-nominated writer and comedian who'll be out on the road soon with a new stand-up comedy tour. Please welcome my good friend, it's Nimesh Patel! Look at us, two guys on TV. We did it.
Ron Chang, everybody. Man.
So people know, when I came to New York City as a civilian in 2011, and I wasn't living in America even. I came over, and I came to New York City for the first time, and I was trying to do stand-up comedy in New York City. And I went to open mic night, and there was three people at this open mic night, one of them was like some white dude, some other dude.
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