Commentator 1
Appearances
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Well, it was a mistake. Like I said before, it was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Boris, I gave you the soundbite already. I gave you the soundbite already.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Oh my God, I can't believe it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, a little intense.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Right, I'm gonna hit the streets, work the phones, meet sources at underground parking garages. Oh, wait, the president just added me to a group chat. I have the whole thing right here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah, I don't need it. It's all here. Break-in plans, cover-up payments. Whoa.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
It's a lot of dick pics.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Follow the money. Yeah, we don't need to. They posted the checks. Wow. A lot of dick pics.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Do we even have to write this story?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
That doesn't really sound like work.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah, this is better. Drinks?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
It's actually been an oddly tame start to March Madness.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Of the first 32 games in the first round, 20 were won by double digits.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Jordan, have you been doing ayahuasca of Aaron Rodgers again? Okay, we can't cancel the Super Bowl. It's the only thing keeping Gronk from going through our garbage at night. Plus, I don't know about you, but this was the best Super Bowl of my life. I mean, yeah, it had touchdowns, Tom Brady's new face, seal as a seal, and Jordan losing an ass-ton of money betting on the Chiefs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
I mean, what happened, Mahomes?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Which brings us to my Jordan owes me a lot of money better than nights. Which big Italian man will I send to Jordan's house tonight? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. You have two kidneys for a reason.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
All right, well, I disagree with you, Jordan, because unlike you, I love black people. And I thought Kendrick's performance was incredible. I mean, he proved what I've been saying for decades. The halftime show should always be about petty grievances. I mean, next year, I want to see Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni jousting to the death. Presented by gambling. Of course, gambling.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Unlike Drake, you can come back from this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Asian representation! We shouldn't be sending Shohei's interpreter to jail. We should be giving him a medal. I mean, you think Shohei has talent? It takes real skill to steal money from someone you work with, especially when you have to guess their mother's maiden name. What is it again, Jordan? Pakowski? Is that with a K?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
It should be at least 104. That way they have no time to get injured in between games.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
That's what you need. You need more games.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Trump did it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Was it Ronnie Chang? You know, it might have been. It sounds like a Ronnie thing to say.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
A women's pool championship in the UK with no women in the final round. After two transgender players defeated their female opponents to face off for the title...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
The practice of rubbing Molly Malone's breast is believed to have begun around 2012, instigated by an imaginative tour guide.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
The practice of people setting more than their eyes on the famous fishmonger has prompted the city council to hire stewards to patrol her plinth. They hope this will be the end of the mauling of sweet Molly Malone.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Thousands of women a year flock to Paris to visit this man's grave. It's said that women who put a flower in his hat and kiss him on his lips will find a husband within a year. Many also believe the statue can encourage fertility, which encourages other acts, which can be seen by the shine in other places.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Most CEOs I talk to would say we are probably in a recession right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
And on the education department, why nominate Linda McMahon to be the education department secretary if you're going to get rid of the education department?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Because I told Linda, Linda, I hope you do a great job and put yourself out of a job. I want her to put herself out of a job.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Will it take an act of Congress to do away with USAID? I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
I don't think so.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
I've been a cop.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
These are policies that were absolute nonsense throughout the government and the private sector.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Threatens Third Term, Admin Admits Deportation Mistake
It's going to affect beer, okay? Most of it, corona here, comes from Mexico. it's going to affect your guac, because what is guacamole made of? Avocados.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Threatens Third Term, Admin Admits Deportation Mistake
If you could speak directly to Elon Musk, what would you say?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Threatens Third Term, Admin Admits Deportation Mistake
Y'all know we got Governor Hot Wheels down there. Come on now. And the only thing hot about him is that he is a hot-ass mess.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Threatens Third Term, Admin Admits Deportation Mistake
Don't you think he's probably trolling? I think he's probably having some fun with it, probably messing with it. This is a president who loves to give a snake in a can to the media just to watch them open it. And he's doing that. This is another jump scare that has just lit up the internet.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Threatens Third Term, Admin Admits Deportation Mistake
That's lower than Pete Hexheff's blood alcohol level.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
Elon Musk has taken a very courageous stand for the First Amendment. He's tough as a pine knot. And the man's got guts. He's got... He's got arms just the size of beach balls.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
Mr. Soros is now the largest single shareholder in Odyssey radio stations. In America, you can't just go do this. Mr. Soros is a billionaire. Pass me the sick bucket. Sit and write.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
Bullies on the left aiming to silence conservatives. Free speech is under siege in this country.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
The leftists, they've become the thought police. They basically declare themselves God and judge us for our thoughts.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
George Orwell was right. The thought police come next to punish thought crime. Be very, very scared.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
Columbia University is bowing to President Trump's demands, announcing it will change a number of policies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Challenges DOGE's Reckless Budget Cuts | Rupa Bhattacharyya
President touting the first ever negotiations with pharmaceutical companies to lower the cost of 10 drugs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Challenges DOGE's Reckless Budget Cuts | Rupa Bhattacharyya
Elon Musk and his Doge team firing thousands of federal workers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Challenges DOGE's Reckless Budget Cuts | Rupa Bhattacharyya
The DC creature is like an animal infested with ticks and parasites. Our money is lining these swamp creatures' pockets.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Challenges DOGE's Reckless Budget Cuts | Rupa Bhattacharyya
Hundreds of workers at the National Nuclear Security Administration fired, then nearly all rehired days later.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Challenges DOGE's Reckless Budget Cuts | Rupa Bhattacharyya
Studies on the effect of meditation on parrots.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump's Botched Tariff Rollout & Market Meltdown | Rahm Emanuel
You're listening to Comedy Central.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump's Botched Tariff Rollout & Market Meltdown | Rahm Emanuel
Some of the biggest stock market declines since the Great Depression. The worst three consecutive sessions since 1987.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump's Botched Tariff Rollout & Market Meltdown | Rahm Emanuel
This is the wrong way to look at this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump's Botched Tariff Rollout & Market Meltdown | Rahm Emanuel
So how does this work? It's just a big game of economic operation as he's sticking things in, trying to take out tariffs. It's like, you know, when you're my age, you got to get a colonoscopy. You need a full colonic, like, to feel better. You know what I mean? A rat poison can kill somebody in the wrong dosages, but in the right dosages, that can be very healthy for the patient.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump's Botched Tariff Rollout & Market Meltdown | Rahm Emanuel
Trillions of dollars of factories are going to be built in America. The army of millions and millions of human beings screwing in little, little screws to make iPhones. That kind of thing is going to come to America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump's Botched Tariff Rollout & Market Meltdown | Rahm Emanuel
Those are the jobs? That kind of thing is gonna come to America, it's gonna be automated, and great Americans, the tradecraft of America, is gonna fix them. Mechanics fixing robotics, that's what's coming to America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump's Botched Tariff Rollout & Market Meltdown | Rahm Emanuel
They are definitely going to stay in place for days and weeks.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump’s 3rd Term Plans & Signalgate Lack of Accountability | Oren Cass
If you want to talk about classified information, talk about what was at Hillary Clinton's home that she was trying to bleach bit.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump’s 3rd Term Plans & Signalgate Lack of Accountability | Oren Cass
What we should be talking about is it was a very successful mission.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
One of the things we absolutely canceled very briefly was Ebola. It was Ebola prevention. I think we all want Ebola prevention.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Everyone in the Cook County Jam wants to be a part of this great program. I learned how to be a better leader.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
America is the land of the free. People come here because it's a free place.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
I feel very proud that it is, and for people who don't want to vote, they should go and live somewhere else.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Even drunk Australian bros can see the benefits of mandatory voting. But for America, the good news is that voter turnout in 2020 is on track to hit record levels.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Michael Kosta
They flexed their fingers. They clicked their buttons. They adjusted their headsets.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Groundhog Day
Oh, it's another kind of cold and, I'm going to say, day here in the Northeast. Kind of a lot of them. How much longer are we going to have to put up with this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Justin Trudeau, head of the Liberal Party, similar to the Democrats. He's the son of one of Canada's most famous prime ministers, Pierre Trudeau. Justin plans to raise taxes and run a $7 billion deficit to kickstart the recession-bound economy, and he says help the middle class.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
He is 43 years old. He's a very good looking young man.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
He is very, very good looking. I think in America, he might just win the election on his looks alone.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Satirical song that's gone viral on social media. It's called Harper Man, and it does sum up the desire for a change in government. Who's the king of secrecy? Harper Man, Harper Man. Who has slashed the CDC? Harper Man, it's time for you to go.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | March Madness
For anyone who questioned her greatness, Kaitlyn Clark had the answer. 41 points, 9 threes, 12 assists. A record-breaking masterpiece that lived up to the hype of a rematch in an epic battle of greats.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | It's Classified
Oh, I think there's nothing new, really, here. This is sort of a storm in a teacup. The substance, frankly, is not new.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | It's Classified
Hit me with the bad news. It appears that while she was Secretary of State, she did not have an official email account at all.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | It's Classified
Working in secrecy, he hides the location of computer service to ward off cyber attack and hides his own location, moving and changing names and email addresses to ward off arrest.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I'm the only one in my family that hasn't gotten the vaccine. It's not approved by the FDA. I don't know what's in that. Women are miscarrying. People are having their DNAs wiped out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Yeah. They're telling women that it's okay for you to get the vaccine.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Like, their immunity. Their immunity is getting wiped out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I'm against all mandates. So from there, I don't care where it's masks, where it's vaccinations. I'm against it all.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I don't co-parent with the government.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
There we go. Don't get pregnant anywhere.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
They're enrolled in public school.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
No, it isn't. Because you know why? We have a Board of Education. We also elect who our officials are. We get to have a voice.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I think you're killing people.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
And he was just staring at me.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I have a lot of information, just like you guys all get your information.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Yeah, well, not everywhere, but like those places. Internet, by word of mouth. Here, I mean, you see a nice burrito and it has like farm fresh eggs in it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I don't think it's communism, it's more like a dictatorship. Like we're living in Nazi Germany and the only thing that's missing is the camps and the gas.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I can't go to a concert, I can't go to a gym.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
It is not an anti-vax, so don't go there.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I do not want to get the vaccination for COVID.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I think that it's more about the lifestyle versus, like, vaccinated, not vaccinated.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Like, being healthy. Like, taking care of yourself. Like, your mind, your body. If you live a lifestyle of wellness, then... your body should be able to handle COVID.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
And he was just staring at me.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Behind the Show | Al Madrigal on What Makes a Great Field Piece
I'm fired up. Are you pumped up because you think Barack Obama will finally be able to not worry about this combative Congress and he can actually be progressive in his theoretical second term?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Behind the Show | Al Madrigal on What Makes a Great Field Piece
I smell weed.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Behind the Show | Al Madrigal on What Makes a Great Field Piece
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cut that one. I cut that one. I remember that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Behind the Show | Al Madrigal on What Makes a Great Field Piece
He was like, he's sorry, baby. And the guy's just looking at you. It was so good.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Behind the Show | Al Madrigal on What Makes a Great Field Piece
Thank you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Behind the Show | Al Madrigal on What Makes a Great Field Piece
Mr. Oliver, the piece that you did on Australian gun reform, that's no women, no drugs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Behind the Show | Al Madrigal on What Makes a Great Field Piece
Yeah, that was really fun to cut, too.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Behind the Show | Al Madrigal on What Makes a Great Field Piece
Roy. Yeah, Roy. Roy definitely has been on the road.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
I'm so glad that we did this. That's really nice. Let me just put this in the mailbox. I imagine that'll get there too sweet.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
California, along with so many other states, defining traditionally what marriage is, and to see that third branch of government undoing the will of the people, it's frustrating.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
A lot of people don't think they have to enforce the Constitution as it's written. They'd like to enforce it as they would like it to have been written.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
I am so sick of people taking this Constitution. We're running it through the shredder every time somebody wants to do what they want to do. It took these guys a long time. They read a lot of books and a lot of history to put the principles together in this thing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
Believe me, that will be a great film.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
I believe the Second Amendment is a vital constitutional amendment. A lot of people don't think they have to enforce the Constitution as it's written.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant. They're quite clear that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments. See, that's what I'm...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
The 14th Amendment granted citizenship to, quote, all persons born or naturalized in the United States to protect newly freed slaves and their children and guarantee their rights as citizens. Last time I checked, I don't think we're having that problem anymore.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
I don't think the founders understood when they did the 14th Amendment that it would create a circumstance where people could fly into America all over the world and have a child, and that child would have dual citizenship.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Democrats' Cringey Opposition, DEI Ban Black History Quiz | Gabrielle Union
Every time you hear Doge, the Department of Government Efficiency, you just remember It is the Department of Government Evil.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Democrats' Cringey Opposition, DEI Ban Black History Quiz | Gabrielle Union
Dangerous oligarchs grab everything.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Kamala says vote for her and you're voting for joy. What's the one word counterpart? Competence.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Competence. But real competence. Real, real competence. Not just, he's sort of a competent person. No, real competence.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
When the Biden administration isn't fantasizing about renewables and energy independence with renewables, they're begging Americans. They're lecturing us to buy electric cars. They tell us over and over again, buy an electric car.