The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Thu, 15 May 2025
Jordan Klepper covers Trump's lavish welcome in Qatar and lifting of Syrian sanctions, while RFK Jr. lands himself in muddy waters over swimming in a contaminated creek. Plus, Grace Kuhlenschmidt and Troy Iwata fight over investigating Trump’s $400 million jet vs. the sewage-tainted Rock Creek. The Trump administration is full of corruption, bigotry, and incompetence, but there's one thing about them that Leslie Jones hates the most: They're f**king GOOFY! She breaks down how Elon's dad jokes, RFK Jr.'s sewage-swimming, and everything about JD Vance are only Making America Goofy Asses. Colum McCann, National Book Award-winning author, sits down with Jordan to discuss his latest novel, “Twist,” which follows the people who fix the underwater cables that carry the world’s digital information at the extreme depths of the ocean. He shares what fascinated him about the concept, especially the themes of disconnection and repair, and how his global nonprofit, Narrative 4, teaches young people how to find connection through the exchange of stories.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What happened during Trump's visit to Qatar and the Middle East?
We got so much to talk about tonight. Syria is getting a fresh start. RFK Jr. is up Schitt's Creek without a shirt on. And Leslie Jones is going to make J.D. Vance wish he stayed in Greenland. But first, Donald Trump is on day two of his Middle East era's tour. So let's kick things off with another installment of Trump Meets World.
International humiliation, one after another.
Indeed. Now, today, Trump's visit to the Middle East brought him to Qatar. It's also acceptable to say Qatar. However, keytar is not acceptable under any circumstances. Pick an instrument, you synth pop coward. Now, yesterday, Saudi Arabia greeted Trump with horses. And today, Qatar said, oh, you think that's cool? How about horses and camels and motherf***ing sword dancers? Yeah. Whoa.
Chapter 2: Why is Trump's $400 million luxury jumbo jet controversial?
That puts a lot of pressure on his trip tomorrow to the UAE. I bet they're sweating right now. We're just going to give them an edible arrangement. What the f*** are we going to do? Of course, Cutter didn't just give him a sword dance show. They also offered him a $400 million luxury jumbo jet. Now, this plane has become a huge controversy. It's a security risk. The optics are terrible.
It's clearly unconstitutional. So you got to wonder, why does Trump want it so bad?
And you know, these planes, the plane that you're on right now is almost 40 years old. And when you land and you see Saudi Arabia and you see UAE and you see Qatar and you see all these, and they have these brand new Boeing 747s mostly, and you see ours next to it, it's much smaller, it's much less impressive. I believe that we should have the most impressive plane.
We still talking about planes? Look, we're on the tarmac next to each other. You know, I know you're not supposed to just look straight ahead, but I took a little peek over there, a little peek over there. Cockpit was huge, man. Honestly, it's getting a little embarrassing watching Trump fly around the Middle East getting sword dances and free jets.
I mean, is he going to do any actual policy stuff?
I will be ordering the cessation of sanctions against Syria in order to give them a chance at greatness.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of lifting sanctions on Syria?
Well, you know what? I spoke too soon. This seems like maybe, maybe, actually a good idea. You know, Syria has just thrown off decades of dictatorship, and Trump thinks the new government deserves a chance to find its feet free of U.S. sanctions. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was wrong about this guy. You know, he doesn't just think about himself.
Syria's new president, Ahmed al-Sharra, reportedly offered to build a Trump Tower in Damascus.
God damn it! God damn it! I spoke too soon about speaking too soon! But hey, you know what? Good on you, Syria. Whatever it takes. You know what, PBS? Maybe you could learn a lesson from this. Instead of whining about Trump cutting children's programming, have you thought of offering him a Trump Tower on Sesame Street, you know? Could be a win-win. But let's move on.
Just because Trump's out of the country doesn't mean his team isn't shaking things up at home. Today, at a congressional hearing, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., health secretary and human wet market, faced some tough questions about whether he wants his own children to be alive.
Something that might be helpful is you've previously said you've vaccinated your children. If you had a child today, would you vaccinate that child for measles?
For measles? Um... Probably for measles. You know, what I would say is my opinions about vaccines are irrelevant. I don't think people should be taking advice, medical advice from me.
Then what is your job? You know what? You know what? Call me an idealist, but it'd be nice if people could take medical advice from the... health secretary. Maybe it's actually pretty good advice to not listen to RFK's advice. Because here's how he spent his weekend.
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Chapter 4: What issues did RFK Jr. face at the congressional hearing about vaccines?
Robert Kennedy Jr. may be Secretary of Health and Human Services, but if you want to stay healthy, don't go swimming in a sewage-contaminated creek. And for sure, don't take your grandkids in there.
That creek that RFK Jr. is splashing around in isn't exactly pristine. In fact, it's a sewer runoff and is polluted with widespread fecal contamination. Swimming and wading are banned. But in this photo, RFK Jr. is totally submerged.
Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. RFK promised us he'd find the cause of autism, remember? At this point, it's like RFK Jr. is going out of his way to be gross. Does he just go on Google Maps and search disgusting things near me? These pictures are so wild. The fact that he went swimming in jeans is the most normal part of this story.
And maybe, maybe if he was just taking a fecal dip himself, you know, we'd just, we'd let it slide. But he, he brought his grandkids. And as a parent, this is a whole new level of grandparent overstepping. Usually it's just like, we asked you not to give the kids candy. Not, we asked you not to take them swimming in E. coli tainted sewage runoff.
Conservatives are sending really mixed messages about protecting children. They're like, kids shouldn't be at drag shows. They should be bobbing for apples in a porta potty. And listen, it's not lost on me that there is a whole other story here about how America just has bodies of water out in the open filled with sewage and human shit.
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Chapter 5: Why did RFK Jr. swim in a sewage-contaminated creek with his grandchildren?
Yes, that is definitely something we should look into and fix. But until we do, don't go f***ing swimming in them. For more on RFK Jr. 's fecal dip, we go live to Rock Creek with Troy Iwata. Troy.
Troy. Troy, what's it like down there? What do you mean, Jordan? It's a little river with a lot of poop in it. Okay? It smells bad. It looks bad. Is that a fish? Nope, it's poop. Why am I here? And why did you make me stand in it?
Because you're a reporter, Troy. You have to get into the story to understand it. Just like we had to get into the Qatari jet story with our very own Grace Kulinschmidt. Grace, Grace. Grace, what's your report?
Well, Jordan, now that I'm here on the jet, I can confirm with my reporting that this jet is awesome. This just in, rich people are badass and so cool.
Thank you, Grace. Excellent reporting. How is what Grace is doing reporting?
Um, it's called investigationary journalism, Troy. How would I know if they're serving champagne or Prosecco if I don't drink a bottle of each?
Grace, that is a great point, Grace. Journalism's about experiencing things firsthand. For example, Troy, how can you be sure that what you're standing in is poop water? Well, Jordan, because I can see poop and I can see water. Great. See? Now you're reporting. I'm proud of you, sport. Grace, back to you. What can you tell us about Qatar gaining access to sensitive information?
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Chapter 6: How do conservatives send mixed messages about protecting children?
Oh, I'll tell you what they have access to. Movies that haven't even come out yet. I just saw Shrek 12. I don't know how that Shrek keeps getting away with it.
Chapter 7: What is the state of Rock Creek and its environmental concerns?
And Troy, you see anything interesting down there? Nope, just poop and water. Come on, Troy. Journalism, remember?
It's not easy for me either. I took a bubble bath, so I didn't see the first 30 minutes of Shrek 13. I missed Lord Farquaad's coming out story. This just in, Dragon is kind of homophobic.
Wow. Grace, so brave of you. See, Troy, at least you don't have to deal with something like that.
Don't.
Jordan, some of that got in my mouth. Yeah, I know. Thanks to the both of you. Thank you, Jordan. I hate you.
Great choice. Great choice, everyone. When we come back, Leslie Jones. So, don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions. So, here with another installment of In My Opinion is our good friend Leslie Jones.
What's up, y'all? Did you miss me? Because I definitely have an opinion. I got a problem with these Trump folks. It's not that y'all... It's not that they're corrupt, although they are. It's not that they're evil, although they are. It's not that they're women-hating, racist, unqualified dickheads who couldn't run a Dunkin' Donuts without burning it down. No.
My problem is these people are goofy-ass motherf... I thought... I thought Reagan was bad, but at least he knew how to talk. I thought Bush was bad, but at least he has a hilarious name. But what do we have now? J.D. Vance, R.F.K. Jr., and Elon Musk. I cannot believe America is gonna be ended by these loser incels! That's not how I plan to go out.
I was going to go out and nestle peacefully between the two Michael B. Jordans. But instead, we get Elon Musk, who is doing this dumb shit.
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Chapter 8: What are Leslie Jones' opinions on Trump administration and key figures like Elon Musk and RFK Jr.?
Elon, I love the double hat. He's the only one that can do that. Well, Mr. President, they say I wear a lot of hats. Even my hat has a hat.
Cut that goofy shit out. This is a cabinet meeting. Have some damn respect. This is official shit. How is this guy firing people? If this guy gave me a pink slip, I'd give his ass a black eye. Why don't you fire one of them hats, bitch? And by the way, how you gonna be Mr. Jokes when you don't even know when you hearing a joke?
What's more challenging, going to Mars or taking on Washington?
Going to Mars.
He was kidding, you goofy mother... What is wrong with you? And how you got so many kids? Cause I wouldn't you with my enemies for . And I hate that bitch. I would rather a turkey based on, hell, I'd rather a turkey! Then we got RFK Jr., another goofing mother . Don't let them muscles fool you, he's a piece of shit. No, literally a piece of shit. This man swims in sewage like a ninja turtle.
And they're gonna try to teach us about health?
Heat oil is one of the components of processed foods and all the science indicates that ultra-processed foods are the principal culprit.
Why the you sound like that? What's wrong with your voice? You don't sound healthy. You talk like you on a bad phone line. Hang up, I don't understand what you're saying. And I can't believe this man is from the Kennedys. I thought the Kennedys had swag. Why we got the T Moose Kennedy? I wish we could do it like we did back in the day.
If you was that child, you got locked in the room on holidays because you might hurt somebody. Instead, they put this goofing mother in charge of my health? Now... I want to make sure everyone feels included. Because you Trump women is some goofy ass mother too.
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