Troy Iwata
Appearances
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Jordan, I'm at the hospital for young people who aren't feeling well. And you might not think that their feelings are important, but when these sick kids found out that Trump used an auto pen on their letters, their hearts broke. And they died. What? Holy shit, all the kids died? Well, no, there's still one hanging on and he is being so brave. Oh, okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
No, a lot of them weren't even sick. Some had scrapes, some had a tummy ache, some had that fake get-out-of-school-cough, you know, with the curled tongue, that one. But no matter what it was, when they learned about the Autopen, their hearts just stopped working. Except for one kid whose life support cord I tripped over. That was my bad. And I said I was sorry!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Little kids just love tariffs, Jordan. I don't know, maybe some of them are racist, but the point is, they're gone now. No more little booger fingers, no more department store tantrums, no more screaming on airplanes. You know what, I'm kind of talking myself into this. Troy, no. Troy, you're being very callous. Sorry, you're right, you're right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Okay, some of these kids were five and six years old, so all they had at the end were their stuffed animals and their jobs at Doge. It was...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Well, fortunately, President Trump sent them all letters of condolence. He got a lot of them signed pretty quickly and... Oh, wait, oh, wait. Families, don't open those letters!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Jordan, Eric Adams has promised to not be affected by the pardon, but that remains to be seen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Troy, are you getting your teeth whitened?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Yay, penis mercy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
You can count on me, Desi. I'm versed in legal statutes, I have access to a network of law professors, and I'm wearing a bow tie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
That is a beautiful question, Desi. It doesn't sound legal, but nothing does anymore. Let me tell you what, I'll do some research and I'll get back to you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
What?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Oh, I'm not done looking at the Treasury Department thing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Okay, okay, so should I do that question first?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Okay, it's going to take a lot of work, so I have to... Thank you, Troy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
I didn't get any of what you just said. Okay, I need to get my notepad. Thank you, Troy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
Oh, my God! You can't be serious.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Musk's Gov't Purge, Trump's J6 Revenge, Is Any of This Legal? | Nicole Avant
You're going to find out in a second if it's legal for me to blow my brains out on the air.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
You can count on me, Desi. I'm versed in legal statutes, I have access to a network of law professors, and I'm wearing a bow tie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
That is a beautiful question, Desi. It doesn't sound legal, but nothing does anymore. Let me tell you what. I'll do some research and I'll get back to you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
Oh, I'm not done looking at the Treasury Department thing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
Okay, okay, so should I do that question first?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
Okay, it's going to take a lot of work, so I have to... Thank you, Troy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
I didn't get any of what you just said. Okay, I need to get my notepad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | President Elon
You're going to find out in a second if it's legal for me to blow my brains out on the air.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Troy, what's the mood over there? Bad, Jordan, real bad. But we're hanging on to hope that we can get Elon Musk through this hard time. And luckily, you can help for the simple price of $30,000. That's just 70,000 cups of coffee a day. You can make sure the richest man in America stays the richest man in America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
I was trying to before you rudely interrupted me. This man is barely worth $300 billion at this point, but we can change that for the simple price of $50,000. You can help a 53-year-old boy afford all the things he was already able to afford.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Wow, Jordan, I thought liberals were supposed to care about immigrants and African-Americans, of which Elon is both. And you know, he's not as rich as he used to be. He lost $40 billion. That's 40 billion Arizona iced teas. But we can fix that for the simple price of $160,000. You can support an African man in need and his beautiful, growing ketamine addiction.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
It's okay. I forgive you. Because you can help. for the even simpler price of $2.5 million. You will get a thank you letter from one of his 37 children asking how they can get in touch with their father. Troy, come on.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
You mean like Jeff Bezos? Yes. For the simple price of one non-union factory.