The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Fri, 07 Feb 2025
Desi Lydic covers Trump's latest executive actions, including a combination walk back/double-down on his Gaza plan, and a ban on trans athletes that he probably didn't proofread. Ronny Chieng and Josh Johnson debate which Americans are statue-worthy in the "National Garden of American Heroes." Charlamagne Tha God begs Dems & Republicans to stand up against Elon Musk. “Love Hurts” actor Ke Huy Quan joins to discuss his upcoming action flick that’s like “‘Die Hard’ for hopeless romantics.” The Oscar-winning actor shares why his character represents a different type of action star, whether co-star Marshawn Lynch went full “beast mode” on him, and his tearful onscreen reunion with “Goonies” co-star Sean Astin. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What are the key highlights from Trump's latest executive actions?
Yesterday, Donald Trump unveiled his big plan to relocate Gazans and turn their homeland into the world's holiest hard rock hotel and casino. And today, the reviews are in. The Arab world hates it. Democrats condemn it. Republicans have problems with it. And the Palestinians won't abide by it. Or as Trump says... Everybody loves it. I stand corrected. I guess everybody loves it.
And even though the plan was totally perfect in every way, his staff spent the entire next day walking back every single part of it.
The president said his intention was to remove Palestinians from Gaza permanently. If we can get a beautiful area to resettle people permanently. But today the press secretary said it would be temporary.
The president has made it clear that they need to be temporarily relocated out of Gaza for the rebuilding of this effort.
Trump's press secretary just had her first walk back. This is an important rite of passage for Trump's spokespeople. Their bull mitzvah, if you will. She was spending so much time walking back the plan that at one point she ran out of English words.
This is an unhabitable place for human beings.
Yeah, so true. Remind me how it got unhabitable again. Even worse for Caroline, while she was scrambling to salvage Trump's plan, Trump was on Truth Social readjusting it on the fly, which left everybody even more confused.
Breaking just a short time ago, President Trump seemed to backtrack, but also to double down on his plan to take over Gaza.
A backtrack and a double down? And now, on the uneven bars, Donald Trump will attempt the rare combination backtrack double down. And let's see if he breaks every bone in his body. But while his team tries to fix his Gaza plan, Donald Trump has already moved on because he's basically the norovirus. Every day, he spews executive orders all over the place.
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Chapter 2: How is the trans sports ban impacting America?
You notice how we paused right before invade your locker rooms? Like, maybe we won't make that illegal. Should have proofread this. Look, it's bad enough that he's banned trans women from sports, but spare us the performance of pretending that this is a top issue for women in this country. Maybe start with, I don't know, reproductive rights or pay inequality.
Or why it's 2025 and still none of my clothes have pockets. Now, you might be wondering, is this really going to be the entire Trump presidency, just divisive executive orders every day for the next four years? Probably. But on the bright side, he did have one executive order today that felt relatively harmless.
I have signed an executive order to resume the process of creating a new national park full of statues of the greatest Americans who ever lived. It will be called the National Garden of American Heroes, and I hope that Congress will fully fund this wonderfully unifying project at the first possible opportunity.
Excuse me, sir. Americans already have a national garden, and it sells unlimited breadsticks. I never thought I'd say this, but Elon, I got some government waste for you right here. Does anyone have the phone number of the Department of Government Efficiency? Actually, they're all 12-year-olds. Does anyone have the Roblox usernames of the Department of Government Efficiency?
But the question is, in these divided times, will Trump's garden of heroes help to unify Americans? To debate this issue, let's go live to Ronny Chieng and Josh Johnson. Ronnie, Ronnie, let's start with you. Do you see this garden as something that could actually raise morale around the country?
Uh, no. This country's pretty . Uh, that... that being said, uh, this is actually a good idea. I do like a garden of heroes. I mean, America is so divided, but if we can walk in a garden with statues of George Washington and Neil Armstrong and Paul Giamatti, maybe it'll bring us together.
Okay. And, Josh, what's your take?
Yeah, yeah, it's great. Did you say Paul Giamatti? The bald guy from Billions is in your top three? Uh, he's also the bald guy in Sideways and Big Mama's House. Also, I saw him eat a hot dog in Union Square, although that might have just been another bald guy. But either way, American hero. Giamatti's not statue status. At best, he can be a plaque or a name on a bench. A bench?
Uh, the thing people fart and smoke crack on? I don't think so, okay? Paul Giamatti gets a statue, maybe two. We're not putting Paul Giamatti next to Abraham Lincoln and John Adams. Uh, Paul Giamatti won an Emmy playing John Adams, okay? How many Emmys did John Adams win for being John Adams? Ronnie, what the are you talking about? John Adams was the second president and he didn't have slaves.
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Chapter 3: What is the National Garden of American Heroes?
Okay, look, I'll give you the hats and horses, but they're nude or I walk.
Excuse me, guys, before we get into their outfits, I just want to point out that neither of you have mentioned any women heroes.
Oh! Can we please not D.I. the f***ing garden?
Imagine walking through the park and seeing Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Susan B. Anthony, and other inspiring women who would look great as gnomes.
Gnomes?
Well, it's a garden. Obviously, all the heroes will be gnomes. You'll be walking around and be like, oh, look, it's Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Okay, we are not making a statues into gnomes. And if we did, wouldn't it be Ruth Bader Gnomesburg? I hate you, and I hate your half of the country.
Guys, guys, this garden is tearing us apart. Please, let's compromise, okay? For the sake of all unity and all things dignified, we will give Ronnie a Paul Giamatti statue.
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Chapter 4: Can Trump's garden of heroes unify Americans?
Thank you.
And to please Josh, Giamatti will be wearing a John Adams hat.
Thank you, Desi.
And he'll be naked on a horse next to a proud gnomes baiter Ginsburg.
Fine, fine, but she's nude and her boobs have to look like Paul Giamatti.
Yeah.
I'm fine with that, as long as she's surrounded by, like, a lovely little field of begonias. Begonias? You stupid f***. It's Piccadilly, so I burned this garden to the ground.
Okay, you know what? Forget it. Forget the garden. Unification canceled. Ronnie Chang and Josh Johnson, everyone. When we come back, Charlamagne will give us his opinion.
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Chapter 5: What are Charlamagne Tha God's views on Elon Musk's influence?
They're not even old enough to rent a car. Maybe it's just me, but I don't want the people destroying the government to only know Andre 3000 is the flute guy. Yeah. So we're in some dark times, people. I just hope the Democrats are organizing an effective opposition to all this. Show them what you're made of, Dems.
Hey there. Chris Murphy. It's been a very long, long day today, full of a lot of bullshit. So I poured myself a drink. It is. It's pink. It's pink. It's vodka and grapefruit juice.
You're unwinding with a pink drink in the middle of the game. Motherfucker, get some amphetamines and get back on the field. Okay? Come on, man. You got Elon out here pumped up on Mars juice and ketamine and you're out here having a sea breeze? Get in this fight, Dems. Your mascot is a donkey. Donkey punch these motherfuckers. a rally or something.
I am going to stand with you in this fight, and we will win.
We will win.
We will win. We will win. We will win. We will win. We will win. We won't rest. We won't rest.
Okay, see, see, see, now I need a pink drink. I need something to sip on. Lord have mercy. Yeah. This entire generation of them leadership has got to go, man. All right? One of those guys had a pimp cane and he still didn't seem tough. You know how hard that is? He'd be the first pimp where his hoes slap him, all right?
Kick him out, vote him out, hide their life alert, make him walk down whatever stairs Mitch McConnell uses. I don't care. It just needs to change, all right? Please tell me there are some young Democrats who can speak clearly on this. What do we need? What do we need? Some subtitles for starters. Did Joe Biden sneeze and give all of you dementia? You know what? Forget the Democrats.
And let me talk to Republican politicians for a second. I get you want to cut government spending down to the bone, but remember, Musk isn't just coming for poor kids that you don't care about. He's coming for your red states. He's coming for Medicare, Medicaid, farm subsidies. There is no community in America this won't impact.
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Chapter 6: How are politicians reacting to Elon Musk's government role?
So Republicans, I know it's tough to stand up to Trump and Musk right now, but our democracy and your jobs depend on it. So if you don't want the mob turning on you, you need to act like a 19-year-old tech bro and grow some big balls. But that's just my opinion.
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My guest tonight is an Academy Award winning actor who stars in the new film, Love Hurts. Please welcome Kee Hwee Kwan.
Thank you. Wow. Wow. Thank you. Before we start, I want to say I know Ronnie Chan is in the building. I've been looking for him everywhere and I can't find him. So can you please do my favor? When you see him, remind him that he promised to buy out all the tickets in New York for my movie this weekend. So yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, I'm just joking.
He's very generous that way. I think what happened is he bolted when he found out that you were coming here because he doesn't like being, he doesn't appreciate him not being the most handsome Asian man in the room. He's got a little bit. He got threatened.
Yeah, no, I know he's mad at me because we made a movie with Asians and he's not in it.
Can you believe it? Can't even believe it.
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