Dave Trolley

Always with the tracksuit pants. I know. Yeah, right? Put the RPG down. Yeah.

You got to look.

Sure.

I didn't realize how evil you were.

I'll be like, oh. I just got real nervous in here. Am I going to get this PlayStation or I'm going to tell everybody you're touching me?

He plays hardball, dude. I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck. What the fuck, dude?

Hanging at the house!

I know. That's the shittiest security guard. He's in the bathroom. Train all day. Joe Rogan by night.

What the fuck?

Yeah, I mean.

I did 90 minutes. Just a couple.

I'm doing okay.

School us on something. Let me tell you, everybody.

Exactly. Yeah. Okay. Talk about learning the system quick.

This kid's about that life, dude. I like it. Dude, a Speedo out with the outline of the cock and the balls. A couple Mai Tais or whatever you got going on.

He's such a scumbag. I love a chick that eats.

A little bit of Thai.

It was a loose dog. Saw a wolf from the woods, picked it up, and brought it home.

You got to watch out.

He's still banging. He's still doing content. No, it's crazy. He does videos already. Oh, have you seen those? Have you seen the video where he's like... He doesn't know where he's at.

I know, it's crazy.

I know, yeah.

In Estonia, killing it.

Wheel me the fuck out and make some money.

Sure.

Sure.

Everything.

Do I?

501, 505, 527.

That way you can relax.

Buddy, I don't do drugs. Thanks for asking. I'm on the clock. I got to get back to the men's department. I'm straight edge, dog. Yeah.

3550732.

Sure.

It'd be weird if I was wearing a pair of Rockports, a bathing suit, and a blazer from DKNY or whatever. You know what I mean?

I got you.

It was just my family, but we celebrated my birthday. That's a nice burger over there. I don't think I had the chicken tendies. Steak fries.

I do that.

Yeah. You don't want that. But I have it.

Fabrics. Yeah.

Location, fat ass. I wish I could do a tractor beam.

Destination. Destination badass. It's great.

Dude, that one mannequin we posted a picture of, he's like 5'2", fucking 380, that guy.

Come on, man. I'm just saying.

I was wearing my dad's suit. You got to wear a suit every day. I'd wear my dad's suit. Oh, man. I bet your dogs were barking towards the end of that shift. I was in Danny's shoes. They might as well buried me.

Yeah.

Right.

And my brother's shoes.

Okay? That's a fine establishment. You sure had bacon bits on it.

What a loser. Working on the weekend like usual.

What do you mean?

So you never worked retail? No. That's not retail.

I'd see my mom do that. I'd go, what the fuck? Yeah, no. No, we didn't do anything.

I'm invested.

That thing's real nice. The Eddie Bauer edition.

Isn't that a company?

Yeah.

1,000.

$81,000.

A lot of French fries.

Yes.

Enclave?

Great.

Do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

Back in Indy, man.

He might as well have said, let's go throw this thing off the roof.

scumbag.

Push the plate away.

She's like, we don't yell in this house!

Peace.

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Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Takes about two minutes? Yeah.

We are.

He's a good kid.

Sure.

Sure.

Yeah.

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

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They were kind enough to send them over to us. I've hooked it up. It is fan-freaking-tastic. It's like...

It's before and after an event. It's like, AD, I'm living after, you know, after TP. Catch my drift.

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We would drunk so often it didn't matter. Sure, you weren't concerned with that at the time.

Rock band.

You're like pushing 30 at this point.

That's great. Okay. All right. I'm getting a picture here.

Great to drink with. Bad at standardized texting. Great egg. Get this guy behind a drum set on fucking Rock Band.

They were doing tests on me at the lab.

Huh. Okay. What were the family vacations like growing up? Maine. Okay.

Get the cabin, the whole Maine experience. One of the big.

I didn't think it was the south of France.

Okay. And what was your first car that you, that was like yours?

You got a lot of stuff coming up. It is fantastic. It was one of those where I saw it and I was like, it stuck with me for like days.

It was that well done.

Well, how old were you when you got your passport?

Now, okay, sorry. That was the first one. At what age were you allowed to drink around your family? Because for my family included, dirtbag drinking families, that is very... I don't think ever underage. Really?

That's good stuff.

Okay. What is the go-to drink for you?

I would love if you said Bell's Christmas Ale.

We talking 11?

Anybody get me to LaGuardia.

How long you been driving?

Growing up, were you a Domino's or a Pizza Hut family, if you had to do one? Was that a thing? Did you lean one way or the other?

He's doing three to five somewhere.

That's not my favorite delivery line.

All right. So we're at Aunt Tootie's house now. Do you have any aunts or uncles that you don't refer to by their real name, like in Aunt Marbles or in Uncle Knuckles or something?

Why do you call the one Sandy if that's not Sandy, if her name's Joan?

I got one now. Is there in your house in Key West, do you have a Crown Royal bag in there currently? No. Oh, come on. I thought that was going to be a dead ringer. Keep his crumbled up ones in there or something.

That was left out of the documentary.

Okay.

Pay the fee or whatever. Well, no.

That's good. That's good. Hey, by the way. He's like, I don't know what the fuck. He hung Joe out to dry.

I'm like, this is your go-to line. I don't know what this guy's talking about. It's weird that he's on the show with me, if I'm being honest.

Will you check into a hotel with a cooler if you're going on vacation? A cooler full of beers or so?

What'd that set you back?

I did hook a volcano facing me. Wait, really? Yeah.

We're back to being safe.

There you go.

That's not bad. It's not bad. How many suits do you own currently? If you had, like, a funeral tomorrow, do you have something you can throw on? Well, I got this shirt. This is my funeral.

Oh, you had a suit on, I think.

He went to Morocco.

I mean, that is a garbage. That's even garbage in itself to come in and want to be high class garbage. Yeah. Most people are like, I hope I'm not garbage. I know I am.

Uh-huh.

Is that a real thing now?

That's pretty good. Is that you? That sounds good.

Well, there you go. You stayed in a castle. It's Scotland. I mean, that's rich. That's like rich, fancy guy shit. It was more of a manor. Okay. Now we're moving the goalposts. It was more of a garage.

I don't want to bother anyone. He probably hasn't paid rent or something. Which I respect.

Then I totally, totally respect that.

What is that, a winter IPA?

All right.

I was a hot girl sig in the parliament.

I assume you did. Did you buy packs in Key West and bring them up? I assume you're not buying New York. A guy like you is not buying cigarettes in New York.

Did you check it back or you just didn't carry on?

It was $128 in Hanoi, and it's being made there?

Yeah, it's being made there.

Okay. All right. You open your eyes underwater? Yeah.

Did you ever bite him back? Have you ever been in a dunk tank? Like, you're the one in the tank getting the balls thrown.

No.

We've never had someone say they like both, let alone combine them.

Are there any trophies on display in your home at the moment? In my home? Or plaques or anything? I don't think so.

How'd you get into college?

What was the building of the car lot? Was it just like a trailer, like one of those?

Take me to your leader. All right. I mean, listen. I know. A lot of that was for legal purposes. We needed to do that. But, I mean, grade A trash, and I fucking love you.

I'm feeling seven. What happened?

If you're a fan of comedy, you're a fan of this show, go fucking see it. It is a fucking awesome look at comedy from beginning to end. It's funny. It's funny. And also, I mean, like, killed in the room. Like, proper fucking murder in the room. We're at the premiere.

Which, by the way, wasn't easy.

You've got to come down and do it. I should say, I messaged you probably years ago. Oh, boy. No. And he got back to me. And I was like, because I was featuring at the time. I'm like, yeah, I'd love to feature. You're the one. And he goes, hey, man, you can't really make it work featuring-wise. Like, it doesn't make sense. Right, we don't.

Yeah, no, but he was like, whatever. And he was like, got back. He was like, if you can connect it to, like, Miami and whatever like that, it can kind of make sense. Let me know. I'll give you the names of people.

Put it in the book.

Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Get your tickets. Peace.

Dude, if you're in Boston and you're in the market for a used car, that's the guy you want to buy it off of.

Also, to say visit, seems like she kept her clothes on the whole time.

Now, don't get me wrong. I wasn't rolling in there with a lot of game.

Also, Joe's 18, hanging out with a horny 25-year-old. And you two live together.

He's saying it like he's cracked a goat.

No bachelor. It's Tuesday. We're not celebrating anything. No bachelor. A couple of horn dogs.

There's some quarters at the bottom of that.

The birth of the film. Shut up. How'd you think of the movie?

It is. It's also not the vehicle. The vehicle is him just hanging out. It feels like you're having a beer with Tom, and it's not like – I mean, you are. You're having multiple cocktails throughout the movie. With Tom. But it doesn't feel like, it's not heavy-handed in any way. It's just like you're talking to this guy who's endearing and you want to talk to, and he's telling great stories.

Yeah, baby. April 14th, we're going to be at the Pittsburgh Improv. And then April 16th, we're going to be at Hilarities in Cleveland. Tickets are going fast. The first show sold out. Second show's now high demand. Get the tickets. We'll see you there. See you there.

Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available on Spotify now. Go over there and check that out. Part of the partnership or something. I don't know. I'm probably getting screwed somehow. Also, patreon.com. Go over there and get all that bonus content, gang.

What's what's bad? I don't know what is North Shore or South Shore better?

You don't really run into that many hot female janitors.

I'm the girliest one in my family. Those are two, like, guy jobs.

Yeah, I guess if you're selling.

That's funny.

54, 45, 24.

We'll see you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

Yeah, lead paint.

Okay.

It's like a leadership summit kind of for young kids, I think.

It probably wasn't that bad of a time. Theater kids for us.

Just by name. I don't know. I don't know. United States representative.

Yeah. Me and three buddies were in a room together. Teachers had their own room.

I think two kids had to bunk with a teacher. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, 15 years ago.

Disco land. Mayor of Palm Springs, California, in California's 44th district.

Germans. Germans. Yep. But hard pretzel was, or soft pretzel was first. It was, huh? See?

You know what I mean? Not twisted up. Saying an Italian monk made them as a special treat for his students.

Church. Really? Yeah. Catholics? I mean, yeah, just always. The church has always been. Funding everything. Funding everything.

Hard pretzels weren't invented until 1850.

1850?

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For free, when you use our promo code garbage at checkout, just pay $5 in shipping. That's bluechew.com, promo code garbage, to receive your first month for free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Yes, we do. We got a goddamn family episode on our hand, gang.

As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon over there, shout out to the over 13,000 homies. Goddamn army of garbage over there. Yes, sir. When you join, you get to submit your Patreon question. We will read it on the air. And we got a hot one coming in. Hit me. This is from J5. $10, homie. Never have one read. Is it garbage you use a poop bag for your lunch because you ran out of Ziploc?

Jeez. Jesus Christ. Dude, that's bad because they all have a film on them. They have like an anti, it's like a baby powder. They have something to- Called talc. Oh, dude. That's nuts. Also, what are your coworkers thinking? You sit down with a bag full of dog shit. Just fucking raw dog that shit. Yeah, or be like, hey, I'm going to order out today. It's also not that big. They're tiny bags. Man.

Back in the day, they were the best. Get one of those. You would get McDonald's gift cards? Sure. Some people would. Really? I wouldn't get them from my parents. That's half used. There's about a McMuffin left. Santa Claus would leave them. Really? And the stocking stuffer. Okay. At what age? I don't know. Six, eight? When they were popping. Okay. That's weird.

I feel like I have a fruit roll-up in there. That's a tough look, dude. However. No. People are talking about, you got a tinfoil, you don't have a grocery bag. I'd rather loose lunch meat in your pocket than that. What are people thinking? Hit a Wawa, 7-Eleven, something. Sure, get a soda. I need a bag. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I mean, that's, you shouldn't be doing that.

I mean, I'm no gentleman over here, but that's a tough look. I was at a Wawa just this morrow. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I bet you are. Did you get a salad? Something like that. Uh-huh. Sure. Got them bites down there. I tell you what. That you did not get because you told me you had a sizzling. I seen them, though. I got them. I said hello. That's good for them.

As I walked out with my sizzling over my arm. There's something I love. There's something so in me from going to Wawa's my whole entire life that when I walk into one now. From not being at them so long. Because they don't have them in New York. You go, there's something instinctual that takes over. They all smell the same. They all got the same flavor. It's fucking fantastic.

Makes you want to load up and go back to your mom's and sit on the couch. Dude, if you can still find a small one. Like the small country ones. Not the fucking big super wawa's. You walk in. You don't need all that shit. Old school. Clean living. They're making the pretzels in the back. Woo. Doggy. All right, this one's from Cousin Vinny. $10 chicken parm foot soldier. Shout out to you.

Are you garbage if you see someone that lost a ton of weight in person but don't address it because you're jealous? All right, what's up, man? Hey, how you doing? Nothing new? Nothing changed for you? All right. I just got a haircut. No big deal. I got this new shirt from Brooks Brothers. Damn, that's fucking hater shit. I respect it, though. I respect it. You're looking for it.

Oh, that guy or gal who lost the weight. I've been on both ends of this. Sure. And you're looking. Oh, my God. The last time I lost a little bit of weight and I went home, I didn't get it in the first two seconds. I shattered a vase at my brother's house and walked out. He got this shard of glass to your neck. I'll do it. Telling me about some relative that passed away.

You're posing and shit. You're throwing it. Up by the mantle, my arm on there. Yeah, that's fucking cold. I respect that, though. I, you know, it's because that's a thing you you wrestle with yourself all day. Every you're looking like I, you know, I doubt this. This person's in really good shape. I doubt that they are the person who's jealous because if they are, they're like, I'm chilling.

I don't fucking, you know, I can see that, too, though. Skinny minis. No, they're in shade. No, they're in the back of their head. Like, oh, you'll be fat again. Sure. And they're right. And hey, hey, buddy. What goes up must come down. Talk about the yo-yo diet. All right, let's see. This one's just funny. This is from Fritz.

Is it garbage or refer to the one year of tech school you went to after high school as your college years? What is tech school? Or what's textile? Textile is... Have I asked you this before? No, textile, I believe... There used to be a... Don't answer this yet, Luke. Because I had a couple of boys... That went to textile university? Philadelphia Textile University. Yes. A couple older sisters.

Who's a listener, my cousin Bri, who's a cop. Shout out to you. Thank you for your service. After a textile school?

yeah these were always hot chicks they were always he's not a hot chick bit of a uh textile just means like fabric like a textile plant okay is like fabric yeah what are they doing there what to be like a seamstress or like uh no i think clothing maker no that's school fashion designer no i think the textile i think it's just more like wholesale like fabrics No, but the text, look up the text.

A six-year-old gets a gift card and goes and buys his own lunch? Sure. That's wild. Would you take the bus there? Some hard candy and a bus token. If I wanted to go and hang out with the older guys, smoke cigarettes, drink coffee like we used to back in the day. Sure. You know? You liking this? I made, yeah, there's a, we mean, I took the big man shopping. I shack it.

No, he's talking about the school. Look up the Textile University of Philadelphia. That's not what they're going to school for.

Yeah, textiles are fabric. Dim lighting and cheap merchandise. They're not doing that. They're learning how to be clothing designers. I don't think, and I think it just became a regular school at some point. It did. Yeah, it closed down. Yeah. It's something now. Arcadia or something like that. That was Beaver went to Arcadia.

Beaver College in Pennsylvania. Once the internet came along, they had to change the name. What were you thinking? Because everybody was typing in Beaver College, and they were getting like co-eds and pillow fights and stuff. You know what I mean? So they had to change it to Arcadia.

What the hell? Do you have anything on Textile University?

I never understood that. Fashion technology. That's where fucking hot chicks go. Sure.

I like that. That's sharp. But I don't think it was at the time. Philadelphia textile? I thought they were, like, cutting fucking... It's now Philadelphia University. Okay. I thought they were, like, cutting tile with, like, wet saws and shit. That's what it sounds like, yeah. Right? That's also what I believe. They were roofing or something. I believe, I could be wrong on this.

Berkshire Hathaway was originally a textile company. Warren Buffett.

Who for the longest time I thought was Jimmy Buffett's cousin. They're not? Guy used to work with Pete told me that. I've believed him ever since until I said it. Very confidently in mixed company. Talk about a couple of bucks, huh? Not too shabby. Jimmy, I mean. Sure. Rest in peace, right? I wonder who has more money, him or Warren Buffett. Jimmy Buffett or Warren Buffett? Warren Buffett.

You think so? And it's not even close.

All them margaritas?

Yeah. His net worth. It's pretty good then. You know what he does? He eats Mickey D's every day. Sure. He could be the next Warren Buffett. There you go.

Probably don't have a nice shacket either. Sure. You really like the shacket. It's my shirt. It's my jacket. It's my jacket. Everything. Wear it open. Uh-huh. When you walk outside, it keeps you warm. It's the only thing. It's a thick cut. As a big shacket guy as I am, as you know, has been wearing shackets for a long time. He's been making fun of me for years about my shackets.

I'll give you that. I've been a shacket guy. Sure. Sometimes you're walking in the city, colder weather, you turn the corner and you turn into fucking Batman real quick with the flaps. And then you're like, because then the titties ain't great. You got the belly button hole. Break out the bat gut. Oh, dude. Yikes. You got a hole, and then you just feel like a fat kid again.

Turn into the penguin real quick. You're like holding it. You're walking sideways. That's why you always make fun of me because my other jacket, my roofing jacket or whatever it is. The welding jacket. That thing looks like you were in Fallujah. That thing stinks, dude. One of the guys that died in fury. It looks like you got back from fucking Desert Storm in that thing.

Took the big man shopping last week. If you don't think, I'm going to tell you something right now. Get used to this motherfucker. All right? It's the goddamn Brooks Brothers. He got me buying the good shit over there. I'm a Harbor Bay Oak Hill man.

I button that up when I walk around. You're yelling at me when I walked in the cellar one night, but I do that because I don't want to have that happen when I hit the scene. Well, unbutton at the door. Whatever. I turn the corner. It's fucking. Yeah, it's tough. Man, my hairline starts going.

Hello, boys. Barrel Monroe blowing up on my skirt. Oh, God. Yeah, it was her. Okay. This one's from Aiden. $10 ombre, never had one red. You ever use a recent mugshot as a form of ID? Forgot my ID at a bar, and I used my recent mugshot to prove that I'm over 21. Bartender almost bought it. I guess because it has your data bar. It's got all your stats on it.

Prove you're over 21 and that I handle yourself. Hey, listen, I ain't no bubble gummer. Shit hits the fan. I'm ready to rock. Ah, that's a pretty good one. I'm ready to go back in. Uh-huh. That is a desperate thing when you don't have your license and you are clearly, you're just like, dude, there's got to be something I can tell you or give you to prove this. It's funny how.

Like, what are we doing? The picture of an ID is now pretty much accepted. A lot of places don't.

The seller doesn't. Really? They say no picture will be taken. No picture. Picture of your, you need your physical ID. I see a lot of people doing that more and more since COVID. Yeah. I just think it's like, I know for the people that don't need the business, like the popular bars are going like, we're not rolling the dice with you with some fucking picture. I don't need you in here.

There's a line of 50 people to get in. Right. I'll bounce you right on it. I got options. You know what I mean? Sure. That and like cigs. If you're like, yeah, if I didn't, you're like, no, I don't. I'm like, yeah, you're fucking carding me. Sometimes I'll go like, what's your birthday? I'm like, I'm born in fucking 86, dude. I've been smoking longer than you've been alive.

Make good with the fucking cheap. Make good with the weeds, you know?

What do you mean?

He's pointing out fucking Flaherty t-shirt.

I've never not had my fucking wallet on me.

What the fuck are you doing? You were a passport guy for a while.

I was. I was a Social Security card guy for a while. I didn't have a valid photo ID for a long time. Yeah, no, I knew there was something. There was places you couldn't get in. I remember. For sure. And you go, I got this, and I got this. Fuck, he's got a paper Social Security card. Yeah. Like you're trying to open a fucking library account.

My license was expired and cracked, and it was taped together.

Yeah, Flaherty fucking pants. Like $200. That's a lot of fabric. God, fuck that. Dude, by the way. Just so I can rip the crotch in a couple of weeks? The mannequins at a fucking DXL look like the offensive line to the Saints. To the boys? It's crazy, dude. I mean, if you're referring to the Iron Curtain. It looks like they all grew up at Chernobyl. It's fucking, they're all odd shaped.

No, but I've said it. The bouncer sees, like, this guy needs a drink. He is down on his luck. I've said it many times on the pod that I was able to fly from LaGuardia Airport to Atlanta, Georgia, and back with just a Social Security card. And I think a credit card. It let me through. It's the time you got off at LaGuardia and walked home on the highway. Yeah. Good times.

Now I got Brooks Brothers.

Nice shacket. All right, let's see. This one's from Xander. Are you garbage if your dad buys an industrial toilet seat, the kind with the gap found in public restrooms for your home bathroom? I kind of like that. Can I ask you a question? It probably doesn't fit. Can I ask you a question about that? Please. So two things.

One, we have a bathroom in the lobby of our building, which nobody uses, and I use as if it is my powder room. I would do the same thing. I normally don't side with you. I fucking respect that. Because it's spotless all the time. I love a good, unused public restroom. There's nothing. Dude, I like them better than mine sometimes. Because you feel like you're like, I'm staying at the Ritz Carlton.

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

It feels nicer. It's tucked away. Nobody's ever there. And I mean, I've been in there for like a half an hour. Like if I get home at like 11 o'clock at night and I got to use the bathroom, I'm not going to go up there, get my balls broke. Shut the door and smell. I sit there. And also, too, there in my bathroom at the house, I'm up against the wall. Yeah, they're tighter.

Those are like... Dude, this thing, I'm fucking... I feel like the Fonz. I'm stretched out. Uh-huh. Take some calls. Plus, I never run out of toilet paper. Yeah, for days. I got a fucking... Got a fan going, probably. I got a magazine just... Some good fucking... Good paper towels to wash the hands... Dry the hands or whatever. It's nice. Yeah. Dude, I had to... I was... We were in...

We were in D.C. a couple weeks ago. What was that bar I told you I went to? Like Ye Olde Owl House or something like that? Ebbets? Ebbets. Something. Old House or something like that. Ebbets Backroom Deal Bar. Yeah, it's from like the fucking 1860s.

And the bathrooms are from 1856, dude. And I had an away game I had to do. You're going to make a doo-doo in there? Oh, man. Crab cake got you, huh? It was fucking. A little blue crab sneaking up on you. It was a crab cake like Benny. If you gentlemen will excuse me. The crab cake egg benny. Uh-huh. Whoa. What in Rome? Sure. Yeah. But it was also like. Look at you looking for the gout.

You in here? Extra hollandaise sauce. Don't get me started. But, man, this bathroom, smaller than a foam, and the door, it had those old doors with the wooden door, not even like a fucking metal door that clinks. And the floor was wet. And I was, there was no, I mean, it's right next to the White House. They weren't going to let me in. Taking a dump next to Mr. Peanut.

Oh, dude, it was fucking, people coming. It was one of those ones, I was bad. Loud, not loud. Wasn't the best aroma floating around. Sure. And no, like, there was, like, the door was probably, like, three feet. Like, it only just... It covered your knees. Like a cowboy bar? Yeah, if you stand up, it's, like, not even to my... It just covers your midsection. And, man, there's guys...

It's like someone's foot's right next to yours who's taking a pee. Like, it's tight. And I was like. Nice pair of loafers. I had to sit there for a minute or two and let the foot traffic clear out. You know what I mean? I was like, I'm going to be getting. Wait until the shift change. Yeah. Wait until the light to turn. It's like a line change in hockey.

Hey, you guys want to shut the fuck up and get out of here? It's bad. It was a tough one. I'm with you on that. The industrial toilet, I don't mind. I worry because my... How do I put this delicately? My equipment... Your wiener? My wiener sometimes is in perfect contact with that. It's like a baby's kiss. And I mean, like, the lips are fucking, they go perfectly right there.

I mean, I get it. It's good that the plus size guys have that. That's who you're selling it to. Uh-huh. Fucking some skinny mini in there. I want the real feel. I want to know what it's going to look like on a portly gentleman. Everything's got stains on it in there. That one came, you're like, there's a stain here on this one and a stain on this one. What one's better?

And I've been in some, whatever's there. If I forget to wipe it, like, you know, because I'll wipe that off. I don't want my... No, no, no.

I put a piece of paper towel over the middle sometimes. Napkin? Really? Like putting the fucking napkin in your shirt? Well, it's either that or... Put a little lobster bib down there for a little guy? Sometimes, yeah. I'm not catching whatever that's got. Can you... Is that... Yeah. I would... I don't know if I ever told you.

I was at that... What's that jazz bar in... This is... I don't think I've ever told anybody this. You do it at a jazz bar. No, I had a shit real bad one night. Dude. We were out drinking. We left. I think we left. This is a Philly days. We left Raven. Hey, man, what's the scene like in there? I had a shit. I think I paid five. I thought I never told you I paid a $5 cover to get in there.

I'm a real cool cat and I'm jammed up. I got a Jeff cap on backwards. Just looking for a quick fix, man. I think I had to pay a cover to get in there. To deuce it out? To deuce. And that's a bad bathroom, too. But I'm pretty sure a guy was jerking off in there before I went in there. Why? Because he was jerking off in there. That's why I'm pretty sure. Because I was jerking him off.

He's not going to finish himself. I had to get in there. The guy was conducting a lewd sex act on himself. What, and you think it got on the lip? I don't know. I had a shit in there right. It was either that or shit in my pants. And I was pretty drunk, and I was enough to get over the man. The guy was just wailing on himself in here. I think I might even open the door on him.

I was like, we got an emergency out here, pal. You got to fucking put that thing in my mouth. I'll wrap this up real quick. You need to put that trumpet away and head on out to the lobby.

That's not what my girlfriend told me. Jesus. It's just scary when it hits. No, I know what you're talking about. How many other wieners you've kissed like that? Yeah. That's a lot. You start licking it. I also have gotten the water. Oh, yeah. Self bidet. Yeah. Yeah. Which I don't mind. Really? Depends. That ain't good. It's usually after something bad just dropped.

I'm not proud of it, but yeah, that happens. Listen, this isn't fucking toilet talk time with Kip and Foley, all right? You brought it up. Fucking clean it up. Great question, though. Kip, factor, factor, give me the news. I got a chicken bowl waiting in the fridge. For you. That's right, baby. Gang, we love factor meals around here at Tootie's. Our absolute favorite.

which we were getting them before they were even a sponsor. I'm a bit of a trendsetter. Sure. I was talking about them before they were even a sponsor, which makes me think I gave them the kippy bump. You know what I mean? The boost of confidence they needed. Gang, if you're not familiar with Factor, which you should be, is the number one ready-to-eat meal kit in the United States. Yes.

Pop them in the microwave. They're ready in two minutes. They're hot. They're delicious. They're nutritious. They are fantastic. And they don't got all that junk in them. No. You know what I mean? Talk about clean eating here. Yeah. Factor lets you do you. You can choose from six menu preferences that help you manage calories, maximize protein intake, avoid meat, or simply just well-balanced.

There's a bunch of greasy fingers flipping through fucking clothes in there. Oh, I didn't think about that. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. That's the only store with a fucking bring your own food policy. Jesus Christ, the mannequins all holding chicken nuggets and shit. You got to see what it looks like in real life. You know what I mean? Speaking of eating, I wanted to run this by you.

Yeah. Because Factor meals are chef-prepared and dietician-approved, you're not only going to love how Factor's meals taste, but also how they support your goals. They're easy-peasy. I go on the keto low-cal type deal on that shredded chicken taco bar. I mean, that's better than Thanksgiving dinner. Do yourself a favor. Chicken and gravy. Blow your hair back.

All right, let's see here. This one's from Time is a Flatbread Circle. Home run of a name. $10 shareholder. Is it trashy to eat lunch at your desk in your office? I don't leave for lunch, so I just shut my door, watch stuff on my phone, and then eat, and then I open it back up when I'm done. No, I think that's the classiest of all movies. That's the guy getting shit done.

Yeah, I think that's probably very specific depending on your inter-office politics being from the time I've worked in an office. What are the options? You've never eaten lunch at the office you've worked at in the break room like they do on the office. You're not sitting around with the other people eating lunch. No, they hated me for it. They always made comments.

You don't, you never, I don't know. I would go out and catch heaters. Three or four heaters. Let's be honest. You didn't want them to see what you were doing. Well, no, that was for, like, brought lunch. Yeah. I'm not going to, like, go all the way downstairs, get a chicken parm, which I did. Man, this place on 59th and Park. And a slice of Sicilian and walk back up.

Because then there'd be more questions than answers. No, this place fucking, this place at 59th and Park. It was in the floor of the building I worked, like, on the ground floor of the building I worked in. Man, they made these pre-wrapped chicken parms with real mozzarella, like, unheated. Like, they assembled it and then threw it in the oven.

Man, and they knew every time I came in, Kippy was getting. They were little bangers. They were probably, like, eight inches. You know what I mean? Man, call it a day. You picking sesame seeds out of your. Now, I would walk out, boom, heater. Right off the rip, boom, heater. Pop in there, order. By the time I'm ordering and I'm eating, seven minutes, I'm gone. I'm out back catching heaters.

And I would get an hour break, but I would only take a half hour, which I wasn't sure was okay with corporate policy, but I flew by my own rules. Would you cut out a half hour early? Fuck yeah, I would. Fuck yeah, I would. Well, even at 3.30, like the high school kids. Uh-huh, later. Kind of catching the bus. I got football practice. Everybody worked till like 3, 4, or 5. I worked till 6.

They let me work 10 to 6. Wait, everybody worked what? Everybody would go in at like 7. They all had like lives and stuff. Sure. So they're like, I need to get home by 3. My kids get home. And I'm like, fuck that. You have nobody waiting for you. And this place clears out about 4.15. So Kippy's chilling for the last 90 minutes of the day. You know.

But I think if you sit in your office and you have your lunch, I think that's the respectable move. That seems pretty. But a lot of interoffice. You close it. Clothes for business. Give me my time. But a lot of people think that's a lot of interoffice politics. That could be weird. Fuck them. I agree. Fucking sitting in there next to the vending machine with fucking Dwight and the other guy.

It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. Or just a big old piece of trash. Trash. I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition. I didn't get much sleep last night. Okay. I heard that goddamn headboard in her room going all night. Okay.

All right. Okay, so it's the cold season. It's getting chilly, all that kind of stuff. Speaking of chilly. I love the way you can spin something just based on an hour. It's getting cold. Well, me and the broad, when it gets cold outside, we like to do a little pho, like do a little hot pot. We've talked about hot pot before. You know hot pot? I'm not super familiar, if I'm being honest with you.

Get the fuck out of here. Will they, won't they? Who knows? Get out of here. No, I agree. You're not intruding on anybody. You can eat your own smelly food if you want. You can have the fucking four-day-old meatballs. I respect that.

Well, then I'm done buying your fucking lunch. Bastard. Guys, my doors clip was like, you know, be back in 15 or whatever. I saw Tucci do that the other day. Do not disturb. Tucci. He was working on something. I guess he was on set filming something, and he did a little quick video. He was like, I'm back in my trailer. I'm having a little fucking venison bolognese in my trailer. Ooh.

That's got to be K-Putz. Smells like roadkill. Fucking marinara sauce. Tucci, though. Sure. Might get all that cologne on him. All right. But rather than eat with the rest of the people that he's working with, he takes an hour. Sometimes you need a minute. It's too cheap. I get that. You're a fucking day player or whatever. You know what I mean?

Some fucking extra loading up their pockets with fucking cliff bars.

Having a nice bolognese on his honey wagon. I respect it.

Boundaries, Luke. Boundaries. Maybe I'll start doing that, too. All three of us just eating in separate rooms. Do not disturb ordering three separate lunches. The buzzer's going off. No one's getting up. It's not mine. I'm out of here. I never did that. I would always remove my... I would find out, too. I wouldn't stand too close. You don't have an office. What are you talking about? I know.

Fucking eating and hanging over the secretary's desk. They would get mad at me, too. Still with that boyfriend of yours? What was her name? She was a bitch. No one ever liked me. No one ever liked me. Well, I never went to their birthday parties, and they got real upset about that. Wait, like at the job? Yeah, how we're singing for Christine. I know it's a Seinfeld, but you're crazy. What?

I would have been at every one. No. Those store-bought cakes. Oh, God. And then you're in there. Somebody worked on the other floor. I didn't even know. Did your mom ever bring a slice like that home for you? It was somebody's birthday? No. Every once in a while, my mom would. She worked in a hospital. I'm not eating food that was fucking sitting in a hospital for four hours.

And then a fucking 40-minute car ride home at midnight. She was working third shift. Get a Mr. Gagliano's piece. He ain't going to need it. It's half-eaten. Just phlegm on it or something. You don't need it where he's going. I love that. Uh-uh. The icing was more whipped cream than icing. You know those cakes? Those store-bought sheet cakes? Sure. And, like, the name would be in, like— The gel.

I never liked that. Oh, you're crazy. Sure, I'm a crazy man. A couple of munchkins straightened you out.

Eating a dead man's munchkin? Yeah. He'll do that, won't you, fatty? Sure. Nah, she never brought... That was never... That, my dad... She was working a graveyard shift. I know. But my dad... Everything was fucking passed over by the time she got in. I do remember... Some wilted Caesar salad. I got in trouble for eating some guy's bagel out of my dad's cafeteria. Or, like, kitchen.

My dad had an office. My dad owned a company. It was a pretty big... At the time. Right. And I just assumed everything was his. They had a snack room. Yeah. Where the guys would put their lunch and stuff. And I ate someone's bagel. How old are you?

eight but it was a stink where's my bagel i heard it that way first what was what was on it i don't remember butter i might have just been a like a just a straight up bag and i just probably grabbed a coke a can of can of coke and went in the shop and hid behind some fucking old hot water heaters Fucking sawdust in your hair. You know that panic where you know you're about to be in trouble?

They'd start a circle in the office. Who ate my bagel? Somebody ate my bagel. And I'm like, and they knew. I probably had poppy seeds in my teeth. They probably knew it was fucking me right away. Fat little fat kid running around the office. Likes his way around a carbohydrate. Man. Jesus. Yeah, a guy named Wayne. And then I went to my dad, and my dad's like, did you eat his bagel?

No kidding. Yeah. Somebody's birthday? Yeah. Yeah. Is it like a cauldron of stuff? That's what I picture. Eye of newt. Salamander. It's similar to Korean barbecue, but instead of the grill, they have like a broth. Okay. And then you purchase like vegetables, some mushrooms, pumpkins, really good potatoes. I like how you're starting off with all the healthy stuff. A couple of Oreos.

And I was like, yeah. Also, I'm sure my dad was like, you fucking chief, he's a fucking kid. Go buy a new fucking bagel. What amount of money I'm paying you? Oh, man, he looked at you. Fat little baby. That was one of those where I'm like, ah, you can't contain yourself. You cannot. You just like. Because I know you had breakfast. I probably had a bagel on the way in from Wawa. At Twofer? Or Bogo?

It's Saturday. Tough, tough luck, dude. Is it garbage to wait for your neighbors to leave their hotel room, then order room service to their room and take it when the staff leaves it outside? Free tendies for the boys. I think there's ones you can probably call up just randomly on the phone and say, hey, I'm staying in room 404. You probably have to know the name and something, something.

Or there's an app. Like, you can scan it and then do, like, you got to know their name somehow or something. Or maybe, you know, maybe just put fucking Franklin and they just take it. They just roll it up. Man, that's a dirty thing. Because in a nice place, people aren't doing that. People, you know what I mean? They're not looking for ways to fucking cheat the room service.

But this is pretty diabolical.

No.

And run the gauntlet or run it into somebody. Yeah, we've done that. Many a times we've all bumped into each other like 250. Nah, I'm just gonna call it quits. Looking the other way. I'm just gonna head up. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Fucking... I made a couple of sprints down to the fucking snack corner in the lobby of the hotel. Put this on 419. Slow count. Throwing a lot of money at her.

Hurry up, you bitch. Hey, you fucking counting everything? What is this, supermarket sweeps? Let's go. That's why as a gentleman on the road, I do it. If I'm like, hey, I'm headed up, I do it. I do it right in front of everybody. Hey, judge, I know you're all thinking the same thing. I'll even get Lukey Patuki hop over there. But he's doing something a little more...

I'm going a little more crazy than Luke. You do a grab bag of fucking Haribo and a big water. I'll do a big water. I'll do a Gatorade right away. Get the carbs in me for all... Or get the electrolytes in me for all the fucking beers I had drank. Then I'll do a big cold water for the night and the morning. Throughout the night. Probably a Diet Coke for my snacks. For my salty snacks.

I'm going to get... Gummy bears for the bed. I'm going to get maybe a pack of gummies. Always. Not always. Not always. Luke fucking, and Luke's in there like, I'll do a banana.

These bananas aren't right.

I've seen you and Tommy get fruit from a hotel lobby and be like, what the fuck is that?

That's for fucking Magnum ice cream bars. Yeah. Get a little sweet treat for the boys. Those things are thick.

I'll eat about 3,000 calories in bed and then go night, night. A little bit of forensic files on the tube. Hey, wake up. Think I'm in the crime scene? Get the case pan out. Oh, fuck. All right. Let's see. This one's from Max. This is something I don't think we've ever dissected. $10 home slice. Were you a Pop Secret or a Redenbacher family? Which is trashier? I think Pop Secret was trashier.

That was like the new age. That came around later. Redenbacher was the OG. They were in the stovetop ones you could do. Now, you guys don't remember. See if we can get years on Pop Secret and Redenbacher. Over Redenbacher. It was definitely banging way before. I'm just asking. The original was, God damn it, the Stove Pop. You don't remember that. Jiffy Pop. Do you remember that?

Nah, that shit was gone by the time. That was like a fucking nuclear. Dude, I'd never seen a babysitter not burn the shit out of that and almost burn the fucking kitchen down and scare the shit out of the dog. Every time. That stuff was dry. I never had it.

It was like Northern California in the fucking late summer. There was no oil. Dust bowl or nothing. Sure. We were back and forth, but I think... Excuse me. I think Pop Secret was a little bit lighter in Cal, or like fat-free. They had a little more... They did start with that. And I think in the 90s, I think we were all like, you know, whatever. It was like more of a health-conscious vendor.

Deep fry them in there. And you could do two. You get, like, a normal one, and you do, like, a spicy one. Okay. Which is good for the, you know, good for the... Charm.

And then movie popcorn filtered in through the Blockbusters and the West Coast videos. Was that the bags you would buy there? No, they were microwaved. Yeah. And then it just went full on with that shit. Triple butter, double butter. We were more Pop Secret for sure.

Seems like he's from the 20s.

Yeah, we were a secret family. Holy shit. Yeah, that was like the Snackwell. That was lighter, I think. To begin with. Sure.

What? The pop was like the, it's half the calories or something. But what we would do, first my stepdad did this. One, I didn't even know we had it in the spice drawer. It was, he had cheddar cheese spice. You ever have that? We only ever had like one thing of it. They sell them at the movies now. They sell the whole little bottle of it where you sprinkle it on. You know what I'm talking about?

It looks like a little salt and pepper.

And he would. I found one time we were like, well, he's like, I'll make some popcorn. He's probably watching me. We're like going to put on. You never put a finger on what the fucking with the flavor. Why does he make it so good now? And he's like dumping. I was like, what the hell is that? He's like bright. It was like powdered cheese whiz. It looked like, you know what I mean?

Like that color just said cheddar cheese. And man, I did not turn back. Once I realized that was a fun time snack for the boy, I get home from fucking school, no one's home, pop me a bag, rip it open. Sure. Then I ran out of that, and then there was like salt and pepper, Old Bay, whatever we needed, a little bit of garlic powder, something to fucking take the edge off me.

Congestion. Whatever. All that stuff. And you pick your meat. You do your pork. You do your ribeye. Okay. And they're, like, sliced and rolled up. So you take your chopsticks, you dip it in there, you cook it. Then they have the little sauce tray. Get all the sauces, dip it in there. Mm-hmm. It's really good. But that's neither here nor there. Mm-hmm. Okay, I don't know why you told us.

Yeah. We were fucking doing it. At the end, you were just putting fucking nutmeg and dill on there. Trying to feel something. That was, I mean, that was for me, because you always have popcorn. It's like, well, you buy a 12-pack of popcorn. That lasts like a year. So, like, when it...

When the shelves would get bare for a fat little kid and I ate everybody else's bagels, I'd fucking, that was a game changer. Bag of microwave popcorn, straighten you right out. Huge cold freaking cola. Crunching. Man. I used to melt my own butter and pour it on it. Once I got older, did that. I got busted a couple of times doing that. My mom was like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

How young were you? Young. Young. Still in the womb. Young enough to work the microwave. Once I figured that out through my own things, yeah, it was bad. You'd hear it sizzle when you poured it on there. I remember being so young, working the microwave, that I'd have to jump up on the counter because I couldn't reach it.

Because it was like a hanging one above the stove, and I couldn't reach the buttons. And I'd have to, like, barely had the body strength. I must have been five. Like a chimpanzee.

And I could barely, I remember I'd have to, like, you know, throw your leg up, and I would, like, get my knee up on the thing, and I'd get up on the cat. We would fall in the sink. My mom, I got to know my mom last time I saw her. We were talking about something. Are you still doing this? Get your fetish. This is going to break the camera. Goddamn, before Micah. No.

And she even said it was one of those things of like, you know, because obviously doing the show, it's brought a lot of memories. A lot of memories have gone public. Sure. Or not being around that much. Sure. So she got a little, she's like, we were talking about kids that got picked up from the school bus. There's, like, a theory.

I forget who it was, but it's a theory of, like, if you carry your kid's school bag, if you pick your kids up from school and then immediately take their school bag, there's this thing where you're, like, you're making them pussies a little bit. Okay. Okay. You know what I mean? Like, let them struggle. Don't, you know, like, whatever. I don't know. It's just, like, one of those, like, weird.

Helping that thing at the end of the day. And I was like, I was totally... And she's like, I would carry your school bag. I go, when the fuck were you ever waiting for me at the bus stop? And she's like... She owed her money. Yeah. And she's like, well, when I was there, maybe I would carry... And I'm like, she like can...

She admitted that I was like, I don't ever, maybe when I was like kindergarten, maybe first grade some. The books got out of control. I don't know if that was for you guys. The books got out of control for my generation around like sixth, seventh, eighth grade where it was fucking every day. It was this huge fucking sticking out school bag. It was like 90.

It was like fucking in the Marines, like pumping a rucksack and man dragging that fucking thing into the house. That's why when I got to high school, fucking never had a book, maybe two. You know what I mean? Throw a pencil in there. How you doing? Fucking, that was it. Yeah, that was... I didn't know that was a theory. Something like that.

That might be like a – well, I think it goes back to that like – Gary Brekker? Gary Vee? Gary Vee. I don't know. I'm applying that to – I don't know. But it's like we're pussifying our kids by taking all of their struggle away from them.

All right, we did a little hot pot. Okay. And at the end of the meal, instead of like mints or whatever... You drink the soup and fucking bong it. Do you do that? Like you were finishing ramen? No, you know what you do? Speaking of which, you get a thing of ramen noodles and throw them in there. They give them to you? No, you got to pay for them. You take it home? No. But they have them there.

It's that kind of world where it's like fucking let them – You've got a couple of them hanging on the wall, I'm sure. Yeah.

We would get never a participation, probably like a first, second, third. But that's standard. First, second, third. Yeah, he came in second place, whatever, whatever. But we never had participation. Nothing. That's fucking his generation.

Not my cup of tea. I don't know.

He's got my ass kicked out there. Carry this book bag for me, will you? Make with the pop secret. All right, let's see here. This is from CS. Is it garbage if I add on myself for being high as shit because I tried to make hard-boiled eggs and thought I could hear the chicken screaming from being boiled alive? Like a lobster? Yeah, you're on Neptune if you think that.

You're smoking the fucking Panama Red.

Yeah. Knock it off. Do you remember the first... Have you ever heard a lobster going down? Yeah. They say it's just the air releasing from, like, the shells. It's not them screaming. Yeah, that's what they tell you. It's also like... I don't want to draw the lines at lobsters. It's like, you think the fucking hamburgers I'm eating, like, get fucking whacked off the side of the head?

I had fucking a pound of bacon this morning. Fucking Anton Chigurh hitting him. Yeah, it's like... Listen, I... But the first time you hear a lobster or a crab go down, that's really when you become a fucking... No, that didn't... Become a man. It didn't phase you? No. Probably eat somebody else's lobster. I mean, first of all, I don't know what family you're from.

I mean, the first time I saw a lobster cooked, I had cooked a lobster in my 30s. Really? Yeah. Every New Year's Eve, we'd have a little lobster or a crab. Something. They're a crab. Crabs don't squeal. They say something. Gibby. Crabs don't do it. You sure? Positive. Huh. And, yeah, no, we were not a lobster family. The only time my stepdad would do lobster would be at Outback.

He would do, like, the surf and turf. That would be big. The tail. And then sit there and pick his teeth with the toothpick from his martini. I thought you meant the claw. He said he's a Sig holder. That was fun. We did that in college. They put Sigs in the crab. We'd have, like, a crab boiler. They'd put a Sig in it, and they'd fucking, they just immediately pull it to their face.

Like, oh, look, crab catching eaters. Ain't nothing cuter. Oh, man. All right, let's see here. We got time for one more. This one's pretty nice. This is from $10. Northeast PA, Bozette. There you go. Shout out to the big man's old turf. That's right. Is it garbage to take a free calendar left by a vendor at work and give it to your kid as a Christmas gift? Ouch.

That's from Mrs. T. What's the vendor? Like an auto body shop? It could be anything. It could be like office supplies. It could be fucking paint. That's what those vendors do. We had a lot of that to me growing up as a kid whose dad had a construction. The vendor swag was the coolest to me because they were like, nobody in the office wanted it to be calendar. There's just this.

It's a calendar year. Just anything. A little knapsack. T-shirt, a pen, a fucking something fucking cool. I don't know what calendar is. But it's a Christmas gift. Just give it to the fucking kid. Yeah. Fuck that. Who opens that up? Oh, what I always wanted. I want to know what taxes are due. Get the fuck out of here with this.

Yeah. Something sweet.

But still, just give it to the fucking kid. This might have been slow that year. Who knows? Give it to him a week before. Get that in a sanding. Were you a calendar family? What? Yeah. I mean, once the kids were born. Really, before that? No. We had one hanging. Patty had one for her bills. Yeah, we had one hanging. You didn't have that one hanging anywhere in the house?

I didn't know what was going on. Uh-uh. She kept that down with all of her stuff where she would do her bills on Sundays. We had one hanging. We never had calendars hanging. Hanging at my mom's. It's like a casino in my house. No clocks or nothing. Pumping fresh air in here. Smoking section.

A bunch of Chinese guys playing pie gal in the corner. All right, we got to wrap it up, Gag. Gag, what a fun one. Get over and check out that Patreon. Yes. Check out the... Are You Garbage and Friends? Yeah. And we love you, and we'll see you next week. Peace.

They have them there. You order them. So at the end, after all this stuff has been in there and it's all mixed in and all the flavors, you throw in a thing of ramen noodles and you crush that real quick. I don't know if I'm ever going to ever be in a position to go to a place where I make my own soup. You're not making your own soup. The soup's there. That's, I mean. It's a good time.

You're buying the stuff. You're adding it in. Well, let me see if this sells you on it. It sounds a lot like making your own hooch in jail. I'm not in the clink, pal. I got my goddamn freedoms. I'll just go to a ramen spot. Sure, you could do that. Or you go to this place like the hobos under the bridge. That's what bums do for Thanksgiving. They get a big pot going and then they all meet.

I get a stew going, baby. Speaking of which, you know, the guy, the outdoor boys. Big fan. His name's Luke, right? Yeah, man. When that guy makes a fucking stew in the middle of the Arctic. Oh, that looks good as shit. That guy needs friends. I mean, I like his stuff, but he's got he's got his kids. His bread always gets me, too. When he hits the honey butter bread.

It's like the white stripes were in there. I don't know who's in town, but they're bringing it. The Seven Nation Army was in there. Bringing the heat. Talk about boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I'll lose a foot for that. That looks delicious.

Oh, my God. I put that on when I go to sleep when he gets inside the hot tent. So cozy. After a nice bowl of lamb soup or whatever he's got.

Out there eating gopher. Looks good. Anyway. What? They hit you with the check. They give you the check. This place that we went to. That's in the soup. You got to cook that up a little bit. Two sticks of gum. Very nice. Buddy. What kind? Wrigley's. What? I'm telling you right now. Double mint or the juicy fruit? No, juicy fruit would have been nice, but they got the Chinese lollipops.

They give you a hit you with two sticks of spearmint. Just two nice sticks. That's all right.

That's class. That's pretty good. Forget about the mints or the fucking, you know, whatever. Give me a stick of chaw. Sure. A stick of gum. That's pretty good. It's pretty good. Wow. Why aren't more people doing that? Dude, everybody should be doing it. That's what I'm saying. You go, you wash your hands, you wash your face, clean up any stains with the stain stick.

You come out, you fill out your thing. You wash your face after you eat? I get it everywhere. You're blowing bubbles in there. I get it everywhere. Okay. I usually have to include the price of the T-shirt when I do hot pot or ramen. Do you tip on that or no? This is a Brooks Brothers shirt. I wore this in there that night. You take that off? Oh, took it off. Mm-hmm. Yeah, took that off.

How many days? So you bought that Friday. How many days? Friday. How many days have you worn that? Wore it Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I think we ran to the store. Probably threw it on. Of course. Sure. Got to shack it. Got to show off the new thread. What am I doing here? Come on, let them know the spring collection's in. So you've worn it almost every day since you've bought it, give or take.

My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode here at Antony's. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. And he is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.

I wore it every day. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And, yeah, it looks good.

You fought me on it. Sure. Kicking and screaming. You wanted to button it, by the way. I'm not a Brooks Brothers guy. I told you. I really laughed at myself because you went into this. I'm an O'Neal's fall collection. You went into this. They're not going to go on the water series. More of a beach guy. For sweating. Who's O'Neal? What are they doing? They've been banging for a long time. Sure.

Um... Yeah, it made me laugh to myself at one point. You walked into the green room. You walk into the dressing room and then turn back around. You're like, excuse me. And in my head, I've had you asking for like barbecue sauce or something. Do you have any wet ones? It was very how you would ask, like how I know you to ask a waiter for something. That's my guy over there, by the way.

The guy with the dark hair.

He's kind of like the manager. Okay. Yeah. Did you see me get shot down on the rewards program? No. He said I had nothing. Put my number in, came back fucking zero. I know I got something cooking in it. I'm fucking dropping dimes in that place. I go through this shit. I got to be honest with you. They got some nice gear for the bigger fellas. I wish there was a DXL for guys who were like XL.

Does that make sense? Where I'm not competing with the smalls and the mediums. Something a little like... You know, I don't know. Maybe a BXL or something. No room for you over there. I know. So you get H&M. I mean, they start at what? Two, three X. I think they could get there. I mean, you can get an XL. This is a two X. This is a two X. I love it. This is a two baby. I love you.

All the way from five. I love you to death. What's it say on the goddamn label? I don't. There you go. There's no way that is a cut to a two XL. Dude. And Brooks Brothers is a European company. I don't think it is. Serbian, I think. The good ones. I mean, you know in your heart of hearts that's not a 2XL. Don't make me look like the bad guy for all the nice fucking bozos and homies.

You even said, you went, 2X, this ain't no 2X. Crazy. They got a seamstress there swapping out the tags. I don't know who fucked up, but man. I'm walking around like a tight ass over here. Never get a car made on a Friday or a Monday. You know what I mean? It's a nice shirt. You look sharp. It's a nice shirt.

I'm going to take you shopping, and I get to pick for you because you're... You're not coming in a dressing room with me. Yes, I am. I'm going to grab you by the crotch and say, there's a lot of room down here. Fucking Patty used to do that all the time, dude. She'd fucking karate chop my nuts every time.

Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. What up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. And obviously, now I'm being told I got to say Spotify as well.

Yeah. Right in front of the broad. At an early age, I was like, Denise, you're not coming in. It got to the point where if it didn't fit good, if it didn't pass the ocular assessment on me in the green room, dressing room, I wasn't going out.

I still don't do it with my wife. If I'm like trying something on, she's like, oh, try this on. And I try it on and I come out. I'm like, now we're leaving. She's like, well, let me. I'm like, you know, we're getting pizza. That's the way I was with you. You wanted me to shop. I just wanted to grab something for the shoe. I know, but you're like, I don't... That's how I operate.

That's why you don't have any clothes. You're currently wearing... How much was that shirt? 70 bucks? Over 100. That shirt was over $100? What are you, such a Brooks Brothers? The t-shirt? T-shirts are 30 over there. If you get the three pack, they're 20. But it's hit or miss. If you get the value meal. Comes in a matchbox car. But you're wearing, this is.

The problem with the t-shirts over there, which I've said is why I'm a true classics man. The problem with you. Is you're wearing a $100 shirt. Look great. You need it to look great. You're a performer. You're running around. You're bebopping. You're scatting. People are paying tickets to see you. You should be dressed kindly. Goddamn showman. You're a goddamn showman.

You're wearing champion sweatpants. I bought them. These are nice sweats. They're cam. They got cam. This is what the kids wear now. No, you're the only man ever to wear $100, I guarantee you, $100 Brooks Brothers shirt and champion camo pants. These might have been over $100. No way. This is something you would see Bradley Cooper walking around in a West Village in. Wait, what?

Check us out there over on Spotify. Full video available on YouTube. And obviously, the greatest website of all time. I mean, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you get all that bonus content. I crunched some numbers. I was in the lab crunching some numbers. Sure. Got the calculator out. With hard feelings and the bonus episodes, there's over 400 hours of content.

I don't know what's wrong. And he's probably playing a homeless guy in a film. No, when he picks up to when he runs around, does his errands. He wears the same shit. Okay. It's cool to wear long sleeve shirts and sweatpants now.

Holy shit. What? Oh, man. Stop the press.

Look at DXL. Dude, there's no way those sweatpants are $100. Maybe $300.

You got bamboozled. No shit, they were $45. They're bad sweatpants. They had the sneaks in. They're champion. They're over $100. Okay.

Fair enough. I'm glad. You got one of everything. It's got stains on it. I told you, I'm done with the Hawaiian. You're a goddamn half a celebrity out here. I'm done with the Hawaiians. Okay. What are you wearing to the wedding? I got to figure out something for the wedding. Hawaiian. I'm over there. Okay. Like a fucking asshole? I'm a guy who wears black. I can't wear black to a Hawaiian wedding.

You'll be sweating. Jacket? No jacket? No jacket. Bomber jacket? I'm up there catching a heater. No smoking on the premises. What? Where? No heaters. I'm not fucking, dude. You're nuts. No heaters. No heaters where? The whole island. Okay. Well, then. Goddamn archipelago. What's your pollution over there? I got to talk to Delting. Fresh fruit. See about a refund. Starfish. Pineapple ice cream.

Okay. Moose of bees. All right. That's neither here nor there. Can we do hot pot over there? Oh, buddy. That's what I need. Spicy hot soup in Hawaii. It cools you down. Okay. It burns you so hot, you start getting delusional that you're cold. I'll take you a full place over there if I can have you. No. If I can walk the Ho Chi Minh Trail.

I'm going right up the middle. Chicken tendies and some fries. A little bit of room service. Or short ribs. You like a short rib? You're a short rib guy. Short rib season right now. I like them if you replace them with chicken tendies. Yeah, a little short rib. A little short tendies. Fed that hankering for that Irish food. It's the season. Bangers and mash. Irish pho.

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You go over there, bada-bing, bada-boom. They got all of this good shit that you never think of. I got my wife a... Pretty cool necklace. Don't tell her nothing about it. Look at you. Yeah, it's easy. They were nice enough to give me a code, these uncommon good guys and gals. Sent it over. I jumped on there. Bada bing, bada boom. I got a necklace. Belly button ring for the goo mind, too. And me.

Wait until I get on BET Comedy All-Stars. I'm coming, Moe.

I'm sorry.

You've lived here longer than there.

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It's probably the mattress. Thank you, Kevin. You got a Bozo mattress from your dead grandmother, from your nana. You found it on the side of the road. That's Bozo stuff.

Yes.

I've been using it for years when they were nice enough to send us one when they first came on board. I got it over to Big Man, and I got to tell you, game changer. I got the King. I got the Twilight series, and now, I mean, if I'm sleeping, and I don't care what hotel I'm at, where I'm staying, I want to be back in my Helix, baby. Nothing's like it.

And right now, they got a special 20% offer plus two free pillows with all mattress orders. And let me tell you, those pillows ain't nothing to shake and stick at. They're low-key, one of the best parts about it. Yeah, they are. So right now, go to helixsleep.com slash garbage to get your 20% off plus your two free pillows on all mattress orders. Do it.

Well, suburban pizza places are significantly different than city pizza places.

Send them a check.

Man, you are a sex in the city. Yeah, because they always ended up at Trader Joe's.

Where you want to go to, like, an Acme, a ShopRite.

Damn, I didn't know she was a culinary fucking master. A little bit of relish.

i do that kind of i'll do i got a ramekin when you feel like you're chef ramsay when you have a ramekin absolutely and i'll like mix up two or three sauces in there and i do them when i'm i really feel like i'm on the bear when i do a little taste that's it fucking uh pf chang's used to give you three sauces and then let you just experiment yourself they'd be like oh what are we doing here that's how covid started

Shut this down. They're asking Jay if he wants another Diet Coke. He's like, not right now. I'm in the laboratory. I'm running my test. He's got mice running around.

Jason, I wouldn't do that. Hey, easy there.

It starts sizzling.

That's a bad job to have now.

What the fuck, man? I like it. If you have that one little tip.

It's good for dipping, and you get a large chunk in your mouth and your gullet.

I was Cantonese.

I flubbed my dialects. I didn't realize you guys weren't playing ball. I apologize.

Man, that's the best. She likes a good mouthfeel.

Wait, I got a question about that. Go ahead. How did you transport the steaks from the night? I assume you got, did you get them delivered to the club?

That's where you're keeping it? I've seen pictures. You do not need to resort to the attic.

Are you a name brand paper towel toilet paper guy? I feel like you need a nice. I am. You need a quality product.

No shit. They had already done it.

So you just ordered a bunch.

Okay. And then did you take them back to the hotel or did you drive back?

Mommy and dad will be back in a couple hours, okay? Shh.

A little more panic each time. Guys, please. That's how you get abducted by aliens. Guys, I think we should probably go back to camp. Anybody else cramping up?

I didn't bring protection.

But had you already ordered or you found out how good they were earlier on in the? Okay. So you found out Friday night they were pretty good. No, no, no.

You can't fuck with it like that, though.

Well, why don't you try to get one of those needle depository things, like those bio hazards?

Get an airtight, some airtight.

I love you, but it looks like it's.

You smoking out front of the house?

Because I do the thing up. And what else did I need? Oh, I also need bacon, egg, and cheese on a sesame bag. He starts saying games.

Yeah, you are. When you get there. What the fuck, man?

You're going to be smoking in the house, you think?

Because you're a very cigs inside kind of guy.

I smoked in your apartment, though, no?

I think if I remember correctly, you got fans outside.

It's not at the Civic Center. He's out at the paddock. Jay's in the infield out there.

I could see myself doing this.

Like, damn, this place got squatters?

Oh. At this point, if you don't know about Aura Frames, you are a bozo.

Jim doesn't like pickles, though.

Two clicks of the buttons and you got everybody in your family laced. Covered.

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Getting a tester bag of fucking hoagies is great.

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do it well i think we have that a lot when i go to not even a nice just a place that i'm we're not used to oh yeah you're going like oh they know i don't like you have like a wrinkled golf shirt on you're like they know i don't belong here and the thing is like there is something too like it's going like it's like no i do though i just don't dress like a nerd yeah pussy you guys are all pussies i'm still here i'm out here living the dream hey put his tab on my tab

Oh, that's a lot.

They're like, there's no way you guys, everyone's in suits and ties. Dude, he's got like a stained shirt on, a knitted cap.

Really? What's a big J black dress shirt look like?

Like a DJ at a wedding.

Same jeans? Jeans. You have the scarf hanging? Yeah. Chain wallet? No. Okay.

Okay.

It's got to be in the end of November.

It's crazy. It's really nuts.

Put on my eating gloves or that.

It's my birthday time.

Yeah, a little more cash.

Also, it's not that regional. I mean, it's an hour. It's not like.

What the hell kind of joint is it? Something against nose rings, lady? Oh, no neck tattoos in your establishment?

Sure. That's a crow fly. Some sort of sports memorabilia. It's possible.

I'll take you back.

Sir, no smoking in here. You're leaning at the door. You're like, I'm not even inside, dick.

Man, that is a dirtbag fucking light.

I picture him.

We're in a society.

Re-engineer the bread in the Bronx. You're like, okay. They were obsessed with Amorosos.

Man, we get hurt so quick.

I would have said the same.

I mean, dude, that is an all-time bozo move.

Yeah. Now, fuck that. If you have the money. Fuck all of that. If you have the money to spend, they go, hey, you're here. You belong here. You got the fucking cash. And you were nice enough to call. Ask. Fuck that. Yeah. Fuck.

That's crazy.

Big J needs his hoogies.

To whom it may concern. Apparently got a good scallop salad going, though.

Here's Big J's review. I have a national radio DJ.

I'll do a regular. I'll do a martini with regular olives and a side of blue cheese.

I got a question for you. Sorry to cut you off. You throw the heat warmer on to keep them toasty?

Can you make sure these things are pitted? Wait, that'll keep me from drinking?

I do a Manhattan. I go, give me a Manhattan. They go, what do you want?

That's crazy to me.

I don't think you... You've ordered a lot of dirty martini. I don't think you've ever gotten that. I have.

Okay. All right. All right. So you're... The house... We got the – you're going to make a big Costco run. What are some – you got the septic tank squared away. What are some of the bigger – What are some of the staples you go, Christine, this has to happen?

TV, surround sound. What are you doing?

Freestanding hot tub. Dirtbag 101.

Outdoor. In the pavilion? Standalone hot tub.

Okay. Nice. Imagine like a covered deck. It's very nice. Okay.

What are you spending on that? They're like, what's a hot tub costing?

You're doing like a four man, a six man, an eight man?

You guys are a little freaking deep.

Just me and Foley over there. The four of us hot tubbing.

Best grout in the neighborhood.

You're a Primo's family. Particularly Primo's and Sizzly's.

It's get those tops off.

Dude, I did that. I went to Turks and Caicos, and they had a swim up bar. And I started in the deeper end. And then as I started getting closer... Your knees get closer and closer to your chin. Oh, dude, I was... There's, like, grown men standing next to me up to their knees, and I'm still doing... I'm still doing the crab. Hey, guys. You're floating on your back.

I'll do a... Can I do a strawberry daiquiri? Yeah, this is bad.

It's a nice rigging house.

It's a very dirtbag thing to be like, I'll pay for it. You might not have the $24.99. I got it.

So what they do is there are outdoor ones.

But nobody does that because they're so cheap now. You just buy it, use it for two years until it gets fucked up, and then just replace it with another.

No, yeah. You'll just either have to invest in a whatever.

That's nice.

I got a scary basement right now.

It's bad.

You have to look behind you real quick.

It's not scary. Oh, dude, I was. I shared. My wife wanted an old house. She's like, let's buy like an old colonial. And I'm like, what are you, nuts? That's full of eebie-jeebies.

For the poltergeist?

Yeah, that's their busy season.

Because you're never going to make it. You're never going to make it.

I'm serious this time, guys.

I know, I was wrong those other times. Also, the way you keep going back to breath coming out of a drain, you are really afraid of that.

Nothing better.

giving you a wedgie.

They don't say that to me.

Oh, fuck. All right. I mean, all right, we got TVs, you got the outdoor, you got the non-spooky basement.

Your neighbors are going to look out the window like, how does this guy have all this money?

Four feet, eight inches. I can't flip in that.

Oakerson stuck in the net again.

Oh, man. I mean, you know, geez.

Oh, no, for sure.

You're talking California Pizza Kitchen.

He owned a building my dad rented for his office one time.

I'll make an honest lady.

Just like Oregon steaks.

Because there's just, like, cooking in New York sucks. You don't have all the food. Like, now you have the space. Like, oh, we're going to keep this in there as well. And, like, it is just easier, and it's not such an intense chore. I know. In my mind.

You got a catchphrase?

All right, we got to wrap it up.

Love that Story Wars, too. Can't trust nobody on that goddamn show.

I understood the game, and then we sat down, and within like 10 seconds, I'm like, I can't fucking trust these people I know and love. This is the worst day of my life.

We're a big pretzel family.

Guys, we're off the road for a little bit. New dates coming in January. We just locked them, so get ready. We love you. Thanks for the support. We love you, gang. Jay, we love you, buddy. Yeah, bro. Love you guys, too, man. Thank you. We'll see you next week. Peace.

It's like they can't cross over thresholds. Shut right the fuck up. Dude, we were in one for the Phillies game. We did the 999 challenge. And he, dude, they dropped the, we're all eating hot dogs and like, beers and we're like sweating this out. Ari's taking it way too serious. Dude, and they dropped a fucking box of Mac and Mancos and he lost his fucking money.

He's like, they got boardwalk pizza in here. All the way from Ocean City.

Hey, what's up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. RU Garbage, gang. It's a goddamn party over there.

Free. He turned the word free into three syllables.

The fact that you remember this is nuts, that you remember what you got.

Yeah. Who the hell wants crab cocktail?

I'll have the table side whiz. Opening peanuts, dropping them on the floor.

This is the greatest night of my life.

We're not like you. We're different down here.

Yeah, Ruffello.

It's a Ferrero Rocher brand. Subsidiary.

Zero.

Yeah, but your brother's doing well now. He understands. What do you mean?

Yeah, you didn't have the patient for the bricks.

They got the patio.

Well, how are you supposed to hold the bat?

Exactly. So what's the bottom when you're holding it?

With a cork and sawdust.

Most of those bats are also pretty, like, juiced up, like, at Little League levels.

50.

51.

Let me keep diving. That should be on my homepage.

I know.

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Customer service.

Every detail is done in this proper.

As you know, Uncle Hank has started the long process of his mental health journey, and BetterHelp is a fantastic place to start if you're thinking about getting your shit together, if you know what I mean. And also, too, I got serious things. It doesn't have to be that serious.

It could just be something that you want to talk through with somebody, and you want to do it from the privacy of your own home. Do yourself a favor. BetterHelp can help. Whether you got to get something off your chest or it's something that's been bothering you for a long time,

licensed therapists from the privacy of your own home, and they'll probably have a specialist that you don't have in your area. It's absolutely fantastic, and if you're trying to get your shit together a little bit, do it, because BetterHelp can honestly help you.

Put it on the side of the house. She has a Rubbermaid shed.

She has a Rubbermaid shed on the side.

What are they drinking? That's crazy. How does a two years? They can make it to six. That's the latest. Yeah, I told you. I wonder what gets them. What? What does a groundhog die of?

That's crazy. Two or three years, that's it? Damn. I thought at least 15 years.

All right, shit.

It's not him. It's a copycat impersonator. That's nuts. We have fox in the backyard, too. I love them. As long as they don't get rabid or anything like that.

Then they're catching the nickel.

Yeah, rabies scares me.

Yeah, you got to put them down. Man, I don't like that. But a cute little fox, like a mom fox and the kids, because they stay together for a while.

They don't make it.

Yeah. All right, there you go. That's not that long. Three to four years. Better than two or three with the groundhog and the parasites. Jesus. No, but they stay as a family unit, I think, for a little bit. It's always cute in the spring down at Patty's because the animals all have the babies, and they'll be like a little nest of rabbits.

Crackle. And we got the new card game out. The 2025 edition. The third edition of the RU Garbage Card Game. Play with your friends. Play with your family. Find out who's trash and who's not. And come see a live show.

We have a huge tuft of woods in the back where they all live. There's deer running around. There's goddamn deer. They're in the driveway.

Yeah.

Groundhog. It's a groundhog farm.

That's nice, though. Maybe you have a little. That hellhound will get him, though. If he gets his hands on one of those baby fox, man, they scream, too. You don't want to hear that in the middle of the night. You'll think it's a banshee coming to get you. Those things scream like an infant child. It's scary.

Put some cabbage out or something for him. What? I don't know. Leave a riddle for him to solve.

They moved in after us. That was all woods back there.

You did it. You're renting.

If I'm speaking frankly, I don't think you know what the hell you're doing.

My Frankenstein. Stapled underwear.

Give me tetanus on my tank. I don't think so.

By the way, just so you know.

So you had to do two pieces.

You were jerking me off.

I like the little rabbits and stuff like that. The little fox, little groundhogs, ducks, the geese come back. The birds, of course.

Spring's beautiful in the northeast.

Yeah.

The window setup is good for the fresh air to come in. Also, it's very neighborhood-y back there, so it'll be cute when you're in there rocking the baby. You know what I mean? Like on a cool summer night.

Sure. I'm sorry.

I'd like to come over and babysit, too.

I live in an apartment. I live in the city.

I don't trust them. They're all different colors. Freaks me out. And they have, like, the date written on them. I don't trust Patty with the dates anymore. You don't know what she's got in that fridge.

Wir machen eine kulinarische Reise.

Those wheels are dirty.

Rolling in a cart in your apartment is nuts.

But from what I remember with Costco, they're huge shopping carts. How does it even get through the door?

Sockets that didn't work. I don't think in Patty's house. I'm sure some of the shitty apartments that I had.

Oh, yeah, like a fishbowl.

You have to do the screw.

Nothing on that.

There are guys that will hotwire them, though. Like, with the power on, like, do it real quick. Know how to, like, put them in.

Scary. You got to be real good. The guy that I worked for was nice with it. He'd wire a house in like two minutes.

They get them together. Put some speakers in your hair. Cover up that dome with some sub-wolfies. Anyway, I apologize. Sure. Still living off the highs of that Razzles.

Speaking of chicken wire. What?

You're really getting it today, huh?

Sounded like an automatic toothbrush.

I don't know.

That's why I fell in love with the sausage patty.

Yeah.

I don't know why. I would do the big breakfast. I didn't really fall in love with the sausage, egg, and cheese.

I don't know. I'm big on getting in a car and getting myself situated.

Yeah.

My wife does that shit.

Oh, it's brutal.

Yeah.

I feel like every time you get in there, you should set everything up nice so you're safe. It's somebody else's vehicle. You don't know what the insurance situation is. You don't know what's in the fucking hubcaps. You know what I mean?

Yeah. What a dry wedding is fucked up.

You make up with the food, though. Clean up. Sure. But just go heavy on the samosas.

What are you asking me for?

It's bad.

When we would come down the Blue Bell to see our cousins and then drive back to Wilkes-Barre, we would call and ask for ourselves. Call collect and ask for ourselves so they knew that we got there. So maybe it was...

What's the difference between clinic and detentions?

I love a Necco wafer, too. That's true. You know I do.

Take it easy.

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.

I mean, what? Get out of here. It was Hechinger's and Sears.

It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She's upstairs. She's got a bag of Razzles. Okay. It's candy, then it's gum. She can't figure it out.

No.

You brought up a point.

She don't know what the hell she's doing up there.

They don't know where nothing is.

It's gum. I'm like, it's both. Save me a couple. Hit me. Mike Coase is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. It's just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman. He's the king of the burbs, baby.

That's weird. Huh.

Gang, we got a big announcement. The Back on the Block Tour is going on sale. Do yourself a favor, get some tickets. We're coming to a city near you. We're doing big shows, some of our favorite spots. We can't wait to see you out there.

Yes, sir. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean, incredibly special guest back with us again today. It has been a while. The last time she was here was in the infancy of this program. She came through the ringer as classy. Yeah. Now we're going to try to find some dirt under those fingernails. She is one of the funniest. Yes. One of the best.

One of the most hardworking stand-up comedians out there today. And she has a brand new special out on Hulu right now called I'm the Man. Give it up for the one, the only Jessica Curson, everybody.

I was selling steaks door to door.

Okay. Speaking of steak, how do you get it cooked?

Medium well is not good.

That's all right. What's the usual cut that you prefer? Is it a filet?

Okay.

I'm a filet, man. Yeah, filet's great. Rib eye, New York strip.

All right. That's a good one.

Will you use the pool at the hotel?

Hot tub?

Will you walk around in the hotel on your bare feet in the hotel room?

You're a Delta gal.

Will you bring food on the plane?

We'll put in some laughter.

We're going to take both of us out of here, too. It's going to just be you. Thank you for coming back on the show. Yes.

Salt and vinegar.

Okay.

For British people, that's crazy.

Cape Cod, kettle cooked, sea salt.

They're trying to elevate themselves.

How do you feel about a bugle?