Rob Dial
Appearances
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
It's just, you remember when you were a little kid, you used to have those books and you could just pick your journey? You're basically picking your journey every single day. It's a new, fresh start, new person every single day. So instead of thinking like, oh, I have to lose 50 pounds this year, you just say to yourself, okay, today I'm committed to being a healthy person.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And then you just ask yourself, what would a healthy person do today? Well, they would move their body. So I'm going to go on a 20-minute walk today. They would fuel themselves well. So I'm going to eat a really well-balanced meal today. You know what? They'd probably hydrate themselves as well. They'd stay hydrated. So you drink more water. And then today, you were just a healthier person.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Well, you just keep stringing those together. Eventually, you're going to be a much healthier person and eventually you're probably going to lose those 50 pounds that you wanted to lose versus worrying about the next year or two years. You're not worrying about the next 12 months. You're just acting like a healthy person today. And so what you want to do is just try to win the day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Don't focus on next year. Don't even focus on tomorrow. Just focus on winning the day. A great life is just a string of great days that's added together over a long period of time. And so the only thing that actually matters is today. If you keep waiting until you're going to be quote unquote ready to change, you're going to be waiting forever.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And so your brain can tend to shut down. It's kind of like standing at the bottom of a massive mountain, staring up at it and thinking to yourself, oh my God. how the hell am I gonna get all the way to the top of it? What if you just stopped thinking about the entire mountain? What if you just started thinking about the next step?
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
The only moment that exists and the only moment that you can actually control right now is today. And so let's keep this simple. Right now, I want you to do this. Choose three words for yourself today. Say them out loud to yourself. And then what I want you to do is find three small actions that line up with each one of those. So one for each one of them.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And then I want you to reflect at the end of the day, how'd you do? No pressure, no long-term contracts, just one day at a time. And if you do this enough, you don't need to quote unquote become a new person. You'll just start to realize that you're already starting to become that person. Just one day at a time, you're stepping into a new version of yourself. So I want you to answer this.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Who do you want to be today? So that's what I got for you today. If you love this episode, please do me a favor. Share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it with other people. So the only way I can impact more people's lives, we can change more people's lives.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
hopefully change the world in a small way is if you guys share it. So if you do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And once again, if you live in the United States or Canada and you want to get inspirational and some mindset tips and tricks, text directly to your cell phone. Text me right now. 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
I think the key to change is to take some pressure off yourself, to take it all and make it simpler. Change doesn't have to be so scary. Like for me, I like to simplify things. If you've listened to me for a while, you know that.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
So instead of obsessing over who you want to be a year from now or what you want to be 10 years from today, why don't you just ask yourself the question, who do I want to be today? And so I think the most important skill for improving your life is to have that long-term vision but short-term focus. So you have long-term vision of what you're trying to do, but your focus isn't focused on long-term.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Your focus is focused on short-term. And I mean very short-term. I mean today. And so let's break down what you need to do to actually make this work. Because focusing on long term can backfire on you. Like, don't get me wrong, big picture, vision is great. You need it to make sure that you're heading in the right direction. You need a North Star in your life.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
But all too often, if you're only focusing on 10 years from today, it can become a trap for you. And the reason why is because for a lot of people that I've coached with over years, it creates a lot of pressure.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Like they start getting a lot of pressure thinking about the next five years because the next five years can seem like a lot because we're thinking to ourself, okay, for me to become this person, for me to make this amount of money, for me to have this business in five years, I started thinking about all of the things I need to have done.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And then we get overwhelmed because we think about all of the things that need to be done. And we think to ourself, I need to get them done right now. And that thought can paralyze us. And it feeds procrastination. And our brain will resist big changes a lot of times. Because as I said a minute ago, change is seen as a threat to the brain. Your brain only really cares about survival.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And it knows in this moment right now, everything's okay. In our comfort zone, we're fine. Outside of our comfort zone, danger. So what do we do? We put things off. We procrastinate. Oh, I'll start on Monday. And then Monday turns into next month. And then next month turns into next year. And next year turns into never. And if you do this long enough, it turns into self-doubt.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Because the gap from where you are right now to where you want to be feels huge. And it feels too big. And so you might assume that, hey, this is too big. I'm going to fail. I'm not going to be able to do this. And so because of the fact that you assume you're gonna fail, you decide not to even start, or you just decide to give up.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And most people don't change because they get stuck so much in thinking about the future instead of just acting in this present moment. And so what you need to do is just, it's a simple three-step process, okay? The first thing you need to do is this. You need to refine your identity just for today. You don't need to overhaul your entire life.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
You don't need to get rid of all of your relationships. You don't need to be a different person for the rest of your life. I just want you to try on a new identity just for today because your identity is your foundation and your actions come from the beliefs that you have about yourself. If you believe that you're lazy, you'll act in a lazy manner.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Today I'm going to be talking to you about what I believe is the most important skill that you can have for improving your life. And before we do that I want you to just think about this for a second. Have you ever felt that you wanted to change your life but you feel like there's a lot of pressure with the idea of changing your life?
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
If you believe that you're disciplined, you'll act more disciplined. If you believe I'm not a morning person, well, then guess what? Your alarm goes off and you just keep on hitting the snooze. Why? Because you're not a morning person. Now, I want you to understand, you can force yourself to act out of alignment with your identity for a short period of time.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
This is why people can trick themselves at the beginning of a year when there's New Year's resolutions, and they can be like, yeah, this is exciting, this is fun, I'm gonna be a new person, and they can do it for a week, two weeks, three weeks. They can do it for a short term, but because their identity hasn't shifted,
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
eventually they're gonna stop because you are acting out of alignment with who you think you are. And so people can force themselves to act out of alignment with who you think you are, your identity, for a short period of time, but not long-term. Long-term, you will always act in alignment with who you think you are.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And so most of us don't realize that we're carrying these old, outdated beliefs about ourselves. And so what I wanna challenge you to do just for today? What if you just decide to be someone completely different? What would that look like? And so it's very simple. Here's what you're going to do, okay? Each morning, you're just going to ask yourself a very simple question.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Who do I want to be today? You look at what you have going on for today and you think to yourself, I'm just going to be somebody else today. Who do I want to be? Remember when you were a little kid and you're like, I'm Superman. I'm a princess. I'm an astronaut. And you could be like Superman and a princess and an astronaut all in the exact same day. And you actually believed that you were.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
So who do you want to be today? Looking at what you have going on. Think about that and you write down who you want to be and you just want to jump into this new identity. And you think to yourself, like, what kind of energy do I want to bring to my life today? How do I want to show up for myself, for other people? And then what you do is once you choose that identity, it's very simple.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
You just choose three words that reflect the identity that you want to have for today. And so an example is, you know, let's say that you decide, okay, my three words are I'm going to be focused, I'm going to be patient, and I'm going to be bold. Cool. This would be really great for someone who's trying to take action, be more disciplined, focus, patient, bold.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
But let's say that today you're not really wanting to be disciplined. Maybe you want to break out of a rut. You want to be more creative. You want to have some more fun. And so maybe what you say is, today I want to be creative, I want to be playful, and I want to be adventurous. That's pretty good. Maybe you want to strengthen your relationships.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Maybe it's Sunday, you want to focus on your relationships. You say, I'm going to be loving, I'm going to be grounded, and I'm going to be confident. Okay, pretty good. And so you figure out who you want to be today, and then you give yourself three words of how you want to show up, the words of the way that you're going to show up.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Like the idea of changing your life can kind of feel a little bit like it's too much. Like this idea of becoming a new person is exciting but because Becoming a new person and all of the things I need to do and all of the habits that I need to create, it feels overwhelming, doesn't it?
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And these words aren't random, and they're not just something that you write down in the morning. They become your mental GPS for the day to show you where you're going to go, how you're going to be, how you're going to act. And then every action that you have throughout the day, big or small, should just reflect these three qualities.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
So you just take these three words, you put them in your phone. You say, today I want to be this. That's my identity. My word is this word, this word, and this word. And those are your three words. And you can choose, this is the best part about it. You can choose a new identity every single day and three new words every single day, depending on what you have going on for the day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
and what you need to accomplish. So let me give you an example. Let's say it's Friday. I'm busy. I got a lot of shit going on today. And I need to get a lot of work done so that I can clock out and not have to think about work for the weekend. So it's Friday. I need to get a lot of work done. I need to finish up the week. So I might sit there in the morning and say, okay.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
I want to be efficient, I want to be focused, and I want to be disciplined. Okay? Efficient, focused, disciplined. Efficient, focused, disciplined. And then every action that I take as I'm going through and I'm thinking about how I'm going to be acting throughout the day, I'm thinking about today I want to be efficient. What do I need to be efficient? I want to be focused.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
What do I need to do to be more focused? I need to be disciplined. What do I need to do to be more disciplined? Okay? So that's my Friday. Close out the day. Good to go. Let's say I wake up and now it's Saturday. I don't need to be efficient, focused, and disciplined on Saturday. Maybe I've got to take my daughter to dance recital or she's got her dance recital this evening.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
My son has a basketball game. And then we have a dinner with the family. I don't really care if we've got a dance recital, a basketball game, and dinner with the family to be efficient, focused, and disciplined. So maybe my words might be, okay, I want to be present. I want to be loving and I want to be fun today. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And I put these, once again, I put these words in my phone, in my notes tab, so I can just go back to them and look at them. What was my words today? I know I said I wanted to be present with the family. What else did I want to be? Okay, I wanted to be, oh yeah, loving and fun. And I put these in my notes tab of my phone to continue to keep reminding myself.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And it can be different every single day. What you have to understand with your identity is please like stop being so damn rigid and stubborn. Oh, I'm this person, but you don't understand Rob. I've been this person my entire life. I don't really give a shit. Just be somebody else today. Try it out. Have some more fun. People are so rigid and it's like, it's like the straitjacket.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Like I have to act this way because I've always been this way. No, just stop being so stubborn. Try on a new shirt today. Be a different person. It can be different every single day. It's okay. You don't have to keep waking up and being the same person. The only thing that's keeping you stuck is you. It's you deciding to be the same person that you were yesterday.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
and I use the word very intentionally, you are deciding to be that same person versus just deciding to be somebody different and act differently. So that's the first step is to figure all of that out, right? Then what you do is you, step two is you translate that identity into the actions you need to take for the day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
So overwhelming that you might not end up doing anything at all because you start thinking about all of the stuff that has to be done. You get this paralysis by analysis. If you're the type of person who is part of this podcast and you show up and listen to it often, then you want change. You're the type of person who's ready to change your life and to change yourself to change your life.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
So your identity is shaped by what you think of yourself, but it's also what you do. So let's get practical. You look at these three words and you ask yourself, how would somebody who embodies these three words behave today? And you decide on three small, specific actions that align with them.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And so an example would be, you know, if you want to be focused, patient, and bold, your actions might be focused. I'm going to work for 90 minutes without checking my phone. Okay, one small action. I'm going to be patient.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Okay, what I'm going to do is I'm going to just today challenge myself to count one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi before responding and reacting in conversations so that I'm more patient. I give more space for other people to talk. And I want to be bold. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to make that phone call that I've been avoiding for the past two weeks.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Focused, patient, bold. Identity. Then I got three different words that I want to be. And then from those words, three different actions of what I want to do today. You know, if you've got a different day and maybe your identity is... is creative and calm and confident, your actions might be creative.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
I'm going to spend 30 minutes journaling today or 30 minutes drawing or 30 minutes exploring new ideas and brainstorming about how to grow my business. I'd be creative. Calm, I'm going to meditate for 15 minutes to ground myself before I start the day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And confident, I'm going to speak up during my meeting today and I'm going to share my thoughts openly without second guessing myself like I normally do. Cool. Let's say that your identity and what you want to be is energetic and kind and disciplined. Well, then your actions might be energetic.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
I'm going to get a 30-minute high-intensity interval workout off of YouTube at home before I leave for work so I can get that energy out. Kind, I'm going to send five encouraging messages to friends, family members, or coworkers. Discipline, I'm going to stick to my plan of what I have scheduled for today instead of scrolling on my phone.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
So you see how you're just basically going to decide who you want to be and how you want to act every single day, not worrying about the next five years of your life, not worrying about this giant mountain that you have to climb. This works because people think that change happens in one huge action, but change doesn't happen in one huge action.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there, you love this podcast and you want to get some inspirational and mindset tips and tricks, text directly to your phone. Text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
It's these tiny little decisions every single day that add up. If you act disciplined today, you'll start actually seeing yourself as a disciplined person. If you act confident today, well, confidence is going to start becoming more of a habit for you. You're going to shift your view on yourself and think, damn, I was pretty confident today. Maybe I am more confident than I thought.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
If you take one small, bold action today, well... hmm, normally I'm kind of a fearful person, but maybe courageousness can actually start to feel a little bit normal for me. So that's number two is to take your identity and start turning into actions. And then step number three, and this is where most people really don't do it, and it's very, very important, is to reflect on each day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
So at the end of the day, you just take five minutes and you debrief. And you just ask yourself, did I live by my three words today? That's it. So beginning of the day, who do I want to be today? That's the question you ask yourself. End of the day, did I live by my three words today? Where did I follow through? Where did I slip up? Why did I slip up? How can I make sure I don't do that again?
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
But when we think about being changed and changing forever... It's this unknown. And thinking about all of that change and all of that unknown, the brain can kind of freak out. What does that mean? It's scary. Like if you think about change to the brain, it's a threat to the brain. That's how the brain sees change because your brain wants to focus on safety.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
These daily check-ins are really where a lot of the real magic happens. Most people skip the reflection at the end of the day and then they wonder why they don't change. The truth is you're going to mess up. You're going to try to go back into old habits and old ways. You're not going to be perfect. There's no way you'll ever be perfect in this.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
But these daily check-ins are where your adjustments are made. This is where you build more self-awareness of, oh, I wanted to be bold and I wanted to be more courageous. But when I look back at that interaction, I was very fearful. So next time, instead of being fearful, here's what I'm going to do. And you make these small incremental adjustments in your life.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
This is what the daily check-in at the end of the day is for. So even if you completely mess up in your day, you still win with the daily checkout and the reflection that you have because you're learning and And you're getting better. And then you're going to be growing and making adjustments and doing stuff differently.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
And so this really helps when you're doing this because number one, it helps a lot with your cognitive overload. And so it's like if you start thinking about how overwhelmed you are, your brain can only handle so much at once. If you're thinking about your 10-year plan, that overloads you. It's a lot. But one day, one day is doable.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
The other thing is it starts to shift your identity with yourself. It starts to rewire your brain just a little bit. Your brain strengthens whatever pathways you use the most. And so if you start acting a little bit more like your future self today, your brain is going to adapt in different ways. And if you do it long enough, all of this repetition—repetition is the mother of all skill—
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
eventually that thing that was new to you starts to become your default. You become a different person. And then it starts to build momentum. It gives you a fresh start every single day. Research has found that when people are Committing to something. They're more likely to commit to a positive behavior when they frame it as a fresh start. Even if it's something small as just starting a new day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life
This is why people do really well at the beginning of a year in New Year's resolutions and then they fall off because it's exciting. A new beginning feels fresh. It feels new. It feels like a fresh start. It's something exciting for us. The cool thing about this is that you get a new beginning every single day.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
And if you go back, there's actually a word, and I've spoken about this before on the podcast, there's actually a word that is abracadabra. And abracadabra, when I was a kid, was like, oh, abracadabra is just the word that magicians say when they pull a rabbit out of a hat. But abracadabra is actually an ancient Hebrew word that means as I speak, I create. As I speak, I create.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
As I speak out loud, I'm creating that reality. What is speaking in your head called? thoughts. So also, as I think, I create. You, whether you realize it or not, whether you want to believe it or not, you manifest with every word that you speak. Manifest literally means to create. So you either create the exact same life that you currently have, or you create a better one.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you wanna get mindset text messages from me sporadically throughout the week to tips and tricks to make you shift your perspective, to think different, to improve yourself, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
And so many people take their past and because they want to predict their future, they take their past and they throw it onto their future to try to predict their future. And they're like, well, you know, this is just the way my life is. I was on a call with someone in my group mindset university this week.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
And the lady said, I know exactly what my future is going to be because it's always the same as my past. And I said, you know what your future's gonna be? And she's like, yeah. And I was like, you can tell me with 100% certainty what's gonna happen next Tuesday. And she's like, well, no, not really. And I was like, so can you tell me with 100% certainty what's gonna happen tomorrow?
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
She's like, no. And I was like, so then you can't predict your future. The thing that you're doing is you're taking an old version of yourself, five years, 10 years, 20 years ago, you're throwing it into the future and going, well, this is what I've always been. So that's what I'm always going to be. You're taking old behaviors of the past and
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
making it your identity of who you are, and then thinking that's, you're trying to predict the future, that's who you're gonna be in the future. So how are you thinking? How are you speaking about who you are, about other people, about what you're creating, about what's possible for you? You ever know someone?
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
I have a friend like this and I used to be this way until I realized like I need to really change this. But I have a friend and you probably know somebody who just always talks about how poor they are. Like in a funny way, they always make, oh, I'm just so broke. I never have any money. They make all of these broke jokes.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
They're going to be poor forever if they don't stop those broke jokes, if they don't stop talking about how poor they are. I have a friend who won't stop talking about it. He's been my friend since high school. We are now almost approaching 40 and he's still broke. And I remember when we were younger, we used to always make these jokes because we both grew up poor and without any money.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
And then I was like, hey, I need to kind of stop this if I want to be different. Abracadabra, as you speak, then you create. They will continue to create that life. Anybody will continue to create that life until they change their words. So if you want to change your life, the first thing you need to do is change your thoughts and to change your words. You have to speak.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
If you want your life to be better, you have to speak above your current circumstances. You have to speak about yourself better than your current circumstances, better than your past. Don't ever identify with something. So often, people will come and they'll say, Rob, I have anxiety. I'm like, don't identify with that. Because if you say I have anxiety or I'm anxious, I'm anxious.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
That is me placing a label on top of myself. It's like saying, hey, I'm, you know, I'm Rob. Well, then I'm going to think I'm Rob forever because that's what I think I am, right? If I say I'm anxious, well, then I'm just, that's just, that's my label. That's just who I am. That's just how I am.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
I would switch it to I've had anxiety in the past or I'm getting over my anxiety or I'm getting better with my anxiety. So back when I was 27 years old, I went to a physical therapist and the physical therapist had shoulder issues and hip issues. And he's like, you should go get an MRI. So I got an MRI and it turned out that I had four torn labrum.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Today, I'm going to be talking about how the thoughts that you think, how the words that you say actually create the reality that you live in now and the reality that you will live in in the future. No matter what language you speak, Your words are the most powerful or destructive tool that you have for yourself, but also for other people. Words can be very, very powerful. They can build you up.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
So I had one in each shoulder and one in each hip. And they're like, oh my God, we've never seen this before. We should do surgery. And for years, I listened to people who were wearing white coats and thought there was something wrong with me. And then I ended up going to my uncle who lived in Florida, who's a physical therapist. Like, yeah, people tear labrums all the time.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Actually, a lot of people don't have labrum or they have labrum tears and they go through their entire life and have no idea. And so because I was listening to people in white coats, I had thought there was something wrong with me. And I stopped working out as much.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
I started thinking I needed surgery because I went to a surgeon and told me I needed surgery on both of my shoulders and both of my hips. And I was like, man, I shouldn't be this way. I'm only 27 years old. And then one time I was at my friend's house and I was talking to his wife. And I was talking about how I literally said it. I go, yeah, I just have shoulder...
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
And I take a step back and I go, I've had shoulder issues in the past. And she's like, whoa, you just stopped yourself in order to change your belief about yourself, didn't you? And I was like, yeah. I started saying to her, I have shoulder issues, which is now me speaking my reality into existence.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Like these seem like little teeny tiny things, but this is what really makes a difference in people's identity and what they think is possible for themselves. So I was saying I have shoulder issues. And in the middle of saying it, I switch it to I have had shoulder issues. I had shoulder issues.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Because for years, my shoulder issues, my hip issues that I had created a view of myself as if there was some sort of a deficit. And because I thought I was at a deficit, I didn't work out as hard. I didn't do as many sports as I wanted to. I stopped playing intramural basketball, intramural football, all of those things. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
So I woke up one day and I was like, I'm not going to listen to anybody else. I'm not going to identify with an injury. I'm going to start speaking differently. And I started saying every time I go to a gym and I would work out every rep, I am strong. I am healed. I am strong. I am healed. I am strong. I am healed.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Fast forward 12, 13 years later, I'm probably in the best shape I've ever been with still four torn labrum in my hips and in my shoulders. People could be like, well, that's kind of cool. That's pretty neat, I guess. Abracadabra. As I speak, I create.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
If I think something's wrong with me, I will create my reality where something's wrong with me and I won't take as much action to create myself to be stronger. If I think that I'm strong, if I think that I'm healed, if I say that I'm strong, if I say that I'm healed, I will create that.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
I mean, if you look at the placebo effect, more than 33% of all medical healings come because people think that they've been healed when in reality they've been given a sugar pill. People heal themselves with their mind. People also make themselves sick with their mind. So what are we doing with our mind? How are we speaking? How are we thinking?
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
You've got to be very, very clear as to what you want in your life. You've got to be very, very clear of what you want in your life. And you've got to be very, very diligent to make sure that your words and your thoughts line up with that and nothing less than that. You're a magician. If I ask you to take a word and tell me every single letter of that word, if I say, hey,
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Take every single letter of that word and say it out loud. What's that called? It's called spelling, right? You're casting a spell with all of your words. It's not... It's not a fluke that spelling something out is the same thing as casting a spell. You're casting a spell with all of your words.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Abracadabra, with your words, you can create and you can build an amazing life, but it's also a double-edged sword. If you're not paying attention, you can destroy yourself, but also others. You know, one of my favorite books, I think it's like one of the very first self-help books ever is from like the 1920s. It's called As a Man Thinketh.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
And in the book, he talks about how your mind is like a garden. And every thought is like a seed that is planted. And you're constantly planting seeds. You're constantly planting seeds. So what are you planting? You know, if you're sitting there and you're planting strawberry seeds... You're going to expect that strawberries are going to grow.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
How crazy would it be if I was planting strawberry seeds and then I was watching strawberries grow and I turned to you and I go, I don't understand. Why are there not tomatoes growing? And you'd be like, well, what did you plant? I planted strawberries. I don't understand why tomatoes are not growing. And you're like, well, that guy's got to be insane.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
They can build other people up. They can be very powerful in the fact that they can just take people down, destroy them, and be very destructive. Not just the words that you use as well, but also behind all words is the energy behind words. the energy that you're using behind your words to yourself, the energy behind the words that you're using to other people, that's what matters the most.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Why does he think that he can grow tomatoes from strawberry seeds? It's the same thing.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
It's like, how can I think to myself that I'm going to create an amazing life, that I'm going to create positivity in my life, that my life is going to be amazing when I'm negative in myself, when I talk down, when I say I've got these fears, when I've got these limiting beliefs, what I plant and what I water will grow in my life.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
You cannot have a negative mind and a negative view of yourself and think that magically your life is just going to be fucking unicorns and rainbows. Every word and thought is a spell that you're placing onto yourself. You're casting spells on yourself, but also very important for you to understand, you are casting spells onto other people whether you realize it or not. You are.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
You have to understand that if a child is told that a fat man in a red suit is going to come down their chimney on December 24th, they think that Santa exists. If a child is told that a fairy godmother comes in with wings whenever they lose a tooth and takes their tooth from under their pillow and then puts a $10 bill under it, they're going to think the tooth fairy exists.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
If a child is told that they're stupid every single day, what do you think they're going to think about themselves? They're going to think they're stupid.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
If they think that they're stupid and they truly believe it, they will take stupid action or they won't put as much effort forth into creating the life that they want because they're stupid or they're not good enough or they're not smart enough or they're not lovable. What you think you create, what you speak, you create. So if that's the case, so many people out there have children.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
What are you saying to your children? What are other people saying to your children? You've got to be very aware because children will believe almost all the time whatever it is that they're told. So we're casting spells on ourself, but we're also casting spells on the people around us. Children, the people that you love, people that you're in a relationship with, employees, co-workers.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Why don't we start casting positive spells on other people? Start giving people compliments. Start building people up. Telling them how much we appreciate them. Telling them how important they are to us. You're a magician. With every single word that you say, you're creating your reality and you're helping somebody else create their reality. As you speak, you create. As you think, you create.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
This is also why I don't really follow the news. People are always like, how do you not follow the news? Think about the news and all of the information that's going out there right now and all the stuff they've been trying to make you think for years. Anything that you watch is also casting spells into your mind.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
It's like why I don't watch reality TV and why I don't watch murder mysteries and why I don't watch the news is because I want to pay attention to the shit that goes in my head. I'm not letting anybody cast a spell into my own mind that I'm not the bouncer or the door for. I'll walk out of the room if somebody's watching something that doesn't seem like I want it to come into my subconscious.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
No way. It's like thinking that you can eat a giant meal of shitty fast food and not have diarrhea later on. It's coming out, right? You can't act like it's not. You can't act like it's not going to affect you in some sort of way. You consume that food. It's going to affect you. You consume content.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
throughout your entire day, stuff that you watch on TV, the people that you follow on Instagram and TikTok, the news that you read, you cannot think that you can consume You know that if you consume a bunch of trash food, something's going to happen to your body. If you consume a bunch of trash content, something's going to happen to your subconscious.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Energy carries through your thoughts, through your words, through your actions, and creates your reality. You are literally a magician. You see, you speak, you create. And I think too many people don't really understand how powerful of creators they actually are. I think that humans are probably about a million times more powerful than we have been thought to believe that we are.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
I don't want anybody else to cast a spell on me. There's no way. I'm the one that I want to be in control of it. So I'm very diligent about who I follow, what I pay attention to, and what type of content comes into me, my conscious, and my subconscious mind. And once again, It's your thoughts, it's your words, it's your actions, all of that.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
But also, once again, it's the energy behind all of that as well. We're all energy. Everything is energy. This entire universe is energy. So we shift the energy with our thoughts, with our words, with our actions. We shift our energy when we shift the energy of others. We shift the energy of others when we come in in a different energy.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
You ever just have somebody come through and they look like they're okay, but they feel like their energy feels off to you? Pay attention to that.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Now you can't tell me that if you walk into a room and your energy is off and you've had like a real shit day but you're trying to act like you're okay or maybe you've been talking down to yourself, you've been negative yourself all day and now you walk into the room at work You can't act like people don't notice that.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
And so it's really about being very particular about trying to be flawless with our words and trying to be flawless with our thoughts. Will we be perfect? Absolutely not. But when I always say you can't control your first thought, but you can always control your second thought.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
When the first thought comes in and it's not the first thought that you want, immediately replace it with the thing that you do want to think. You're a magician. with your thoughts and with your words. And your thoughts and your words will create your reality. As I speak, I create. Abracadabra. Pay attention to your thoughts.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Pay attention to your words because it's casting spells over your entire life. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And once again, if you want to get some inspirational mindset, motivational techniques, text to your phone. Go ahead and text me right now. 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
How Your Words Shape Your Reality
Once again, 512-580-9305. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
and lower levels of loneliness. And so if you can't just go to doing nothing, maybe a step in the right direction is like being alone with purpose. And so really what this is all about is becoming your own best companion. You will spend more time with yourself than anyone else that you will ever meet in your entire life. just the way that's gonna go.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
That relationship, like any really important close relationship in your life, deserves attention, it deserves care, and it deserves love. So loneliness isn't solved by more people. It's solved by a deeper connection. to yourself, to your purpose, to what you want to do, and to the world in ways that are meaningful to you.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
So next time you find yourself alone, don't rush to fill the silence or get your phone or be around other people. Just take a deep breath. Just sit in it for a second. Embrace it. and learn from it. Because solitude, when you truly use it, is one of life's greatest teachers. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
And the key here is how you actually look at it and how you actually frame it. If you can shift your mindset, Solitude will become an opportunity rather than some form of a burden that you need to avoid. Today's episode is not going to be like surface level self-care tips or anything like that.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
We're going to be diving deep into the psychology of this, the rewiring of your thought patterns, and the real transformation that can happen when you fully embrace being alone within yourself without having to have anybody around or any external stimulation. Loneliness, when you look at loneliness, is the pain of feeling disconnected.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Solitude on the other side is the power of being deeply connected to yourself when you're alone. And so the only home that we will ever really have, like this is a, you know, I live inside of a house. This is a studio that I have in one of the rooms in my house. This is my house. But the only true real home that I will ever have is inside of me. And same with you.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
The only real home that you'll ever have is within you. The problem is that many of us mix the two of them up between solitude and loneliness. We assume that if we're alone, something must be wrong. And when we have FOMO or we think, why are people not wanting to hang out with me? Or I should entertain myself in some sort of way. But I want you to think about it like this, okay?
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
And this is very important for you to understand. Being alone is a state of being. Loneliness is a state of mind. See the difference? Being alone is just a state of being. I'm just alone. Loneliness is a state of mind. Oh my gosh, I shouldn't be alone. I should be with people. Why don't people want to hang out with me? It's a state of mind. It's all happening in your head.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
And so the shift really starts here. Loneliness is the idea of saying, I'm missing something. Solitude says, I have everything I need within me. Now, I know for some of you that's already a little bit stressful. But I don't have, Rob, I don't have everything I need within me, though. I need more within me. I'm not okay within myself.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Solitude is us getting to the point of saying, I have everything I need within me. Everything I decide to do later on in life, if I decide to leave my house and go hang out with friends, it's just icing on the cake. And so psychological research supports this distinction too.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Today, we're going to be talking about how to fall in love with being alone. Because let's be real, being alone can be hard sometimes. And I don't, if you're out there and you're like, well, being alone isn't that hard for me. I don't mean being alone and watching Netflix or scrolling on your phone or any of that. I mean being alone, 100% alone with no external stimulation.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
There was a study done in 2017 that was published in Personality and Psychology Bulletin that found that people who chose to spend time alone rather than feeling like they were forced into isolation experienced increased self-awareness. So they became more aware of themselves because of the fact that they spent time alone. They chose to spend time alone and they had reduced stress.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Why do they have reduced stress? Because when solitude is framed as a choice rather than forced isolation, it becomes a tool for self-regulation rather than a source of distress. And so the key factor here was the mindset behind the person. What they found out was those who saw solitude as a choice benefited from it.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
while those who felt like solitude and being alone was imposed on them felt lonely. And so how do you shift your mindset from loneliness to solitude? Well, it's by realizing that your mind is the thing that creates the difference between the two. You see that? You don't need more people around you to feel whole. You need a stronger connection to yourself to feel whole.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
And so what we need to do is we need to kind of reframe solitude. So I want you to think about this. Imagine that you're given a beautifully wrapped box and you open it up and time is inside of it. It's time just for you. No demands, no children, no obligations, no work, just space to breathe and to think and to exist.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
doesn't that sound nice for some of you guys that are just so busy doing things all the time, and you got the kids, and you got the work, and you got the business, you got everything, and you have a million plates you're spinning? Oh my God, I'm going to give you a box of time just for you. No demands, no children, no work, any of those things. Doesn't that sound nice?
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Most people crave this, but then when they get it, they freak out. They panic. when they finally get time to themself. So why is that? Because silence makes us face ourselves. And for a lot of people, that's really scary.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
There's a 2014 study from the Journal of Experimental Psychology that revealed that most people would rather experience mild electric shocks than sit alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes. So they could either sit alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes, or if they just want to get out of the experience, they could just do mild electric shock. Most people chose shock.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
That's how uncomfortable we are with solitude. But why is that? Why are we so uncomfortable with being alone? It's being with our thoughts, with being with our feelings. Because when we stop distracting ourselves, we come in contact with what's lying underneath the surface. Well, what's lying underneath the surface that we're trying to run from? A few different things.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Number one, a lot of people have unprocessed emotions. Grief, anger, resentment, guilt, regret. Second thing, a lot of people have really deep-seated fears that they're running from and they're trying not to come in contact with. The fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of other people's opinions, fear of running out of money, fear of not being worthy.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
The third thing, a lot of us have very unmet needs or desires. So when you're quiet, you realize, oh my God, I don't like the path that I'm on in my life. Or we just sit there and we're like, I feel completely unfulfilled. Or you're sitting there like, I wonder... I wonder if I'll be alone forever. Oh my God, it's so much easier to keep yourself distracted than to go in those thoughts, isn't it?
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
The fourth thing people have, a lot of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that come up. Oh, I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm such a loser. I'll never make anything of my life. I don't deserve happiness. The only way that I'm valuable is I keep busy and keep productive. And then the fifth thing,
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
When you get past all of those things, all of the fears and the limiting beliefs and the desires and the negative self-talk and the unprocessed emotions, then you get like deep existential questions. What's my purpose? Why am I here? Am I truly living or am I just existing? And so most people don't want to come in contact with all of those things that are just bubbling under the surface.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
So what do they do? They want to keep busy by being around other people. They want to keep busy by being on their phones. They want to keep busy by watching Netflix and watching other stuff and whatever new app pops up on my Samsung TV for me to try to take my attention away from myself.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
But what if we looked at time alone as an invitation to listen to our own thoughts without outside influence, to get to know ourself a little bit more, an invitation to discover what we actually enjoy rather than what we've been conditioned and told we should enjoy. Maybe an invitation to be present with ourselves, to learn who we truly are.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Solitude is the only real place where self-awareness can grow. Now you can grow by seeing how you interact with other people, but then when you take time and you're alone, you get to really deconstruct the way that everything happened when you were talking to that person, the way they reacted to that person. So solitude is where self-awareness really grows.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
And if you can frame it instead of like, more than anything else, if you can reframe it as an opportunity instead of something to avoid, everything really changes. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. So instead of saying, oh my God, I'm so bored and trying to avoid boredom. What if you stopped calling it boredom and you just called it relaxing? You're relaxing your mind.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Is that kind of tough for you? Because for most people that I talk to, it's almost unbearable. A couple of reasons why. Number one, we're tribal beings. We like to be around other people. It's built into us. And we like socializing. For people who are introverts like me, we like socializing less than the average person, but we still like it at some points in time.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
You're relaxing your nervous system. You can't be go, go, go, go, go every single second. And this is the really key part. A lot of loneliness isn't about lacking company of other people. I really want you to understand this. A lot of loneliness is not about lacking the company of other people. It's about not liking the company you have when you are alone. Do you get that?
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
And it's going to sting for a lot of people. It's about not liking the company that you have when you're alone. You. A lot of people don't like the company they have when they're alone. And that has to be healed. You cannot ignore it and try to avoid it. You are the person that you will spend more time with than anybody else alive. And if that hits a nerve, stay with me. Think about this.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
When was the last time you really sat in silence and felt deep peace within yourself? I'll wait. When was the last time that you sat in silence and just felt deep, complete peace within yourself? Not being distracted by your phone, not numbing yourself with your TV, just you sitting with your thoughts. For many people, it's terrifying. But why is that?
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Because when we stop distracting ourselves, all of the things that we just spoke about a minute ago, all of the buried emotions and thoughts and feelings and unresolved pain comes to the surface. It's sitting there. It's just waiting for it to have some space. But here's the thing, though. That coming to the surface is not a bad thing. It's an opening. It is your chance to heal.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
This is how you heal more than anything else. And so what you really start to do as you spend more time alone is you really actually start to rebuild your relationship with yourself. You start to notice this inner dialogue that's happening behind the scenes all the time. Do you get to pay attention to how you talk to yourself when you're alone? Are you kind?
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Or do you criticize yourself constantly? Do you guilt yourself and shame yourself and, you know, beat yourself up? So what could you do? Well, one thing that you could do is, if you want to keep yourself a little bit busy, write to yourself. You can write a letter to yourself. You could journal. Journaling isn't about just, you know, dear diary or about doodling or making pretty pages.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
It's about honesty. Write to yourself. Write a letter to yourself. Put your thoughts on a piece of paper. Ask yourself how you're really doing. How are you really doing? And then give yourself a minute to answer that. You can also just sit in stillness. Start with five minutes a day. No distractions, just being. Notice what comes up. Get curious instead of judging.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
This morning was a perfect example for me because we went to bed really early last night. So I woke up before Lauren and the baby did. I had an extra hour to myself and I went outside the back porch. It was a little bit cold so I put a blanket over myself and I just sat there and closed my eyes and for like 20 minutes I I just simply meditate it and I breathe.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you want to get some inspirational text messages from me directly to your phone, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
And we also like to be entertained. But the statistics prove that the older that you get, the more time you will spend alone. And so if that's the case, we might as well learn from it. We might as well gain from and get something from being alone. But here's the truth of the matter. Being alone doesn't mean that you have to be lonely.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
And since the baby's been born, I haven't gotten many of those moments. Not in the morning, at least. I usually try to find them throughout the day, little pockets of time where I can do breathing or breath work. But not many of them happen in the morning, because usually he is my alarm more than anything else. And so just sit in stillness, quiet. Be with yourself. Start to enjoy your own company.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
And science backs up that this is important. There's a study that was published in Psychological Science in 2016 that found out that self-reflection through meditation or through journaling or through just being alone with yourself, when you do it constructively, improves your mental and emotional regulation, and it helps with your own personal self-compassion.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Because as you start to spend more time with yourself, you start to go, you know what? I was a little bit hard on you then. I know that you were doing your best. I know that I can be a little bit hard. I'm sorry. I love you. And you're starting to talk to yourself. So you're having more self-compassion. You're getting better at it.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
So instead of spiraling into negative thoughts and fears and worries, when you have kind of like a structured solitude, it helps you process your emotions healthily. So one of the biggest things that you can do to help yourself with this is to realize that you're gonna have some more time with yourself and you're gonna learn to enjoy your own company.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
One of the biggest reasons why people feel lonely is because they feel like they don't know themself. They don't know what they're doing. They don't know what they're doing with their life. They feel like they're purposeless. You know, when you lack direction, solitude feels like this endless void because you're like, what the am I doing here?
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
So what if we shift the focus a little bit to, you know, instead of being alone, what if you were alone with purpose? Being alone and doing nothing is what we're shooting for. But for some of you guys, you're like, I don't know, that seems like it's too far off, Rob. I don't know if I can do that yet. So what if we took kind of a step in the right direction, right? What if you could try this out?
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Pick something that's meaningful to you. Maybe it's a creative project. Maybe it's a book that you bought six months ago and you haven't even cracked open. You've been really wanting to read it. Maybe there's a skill that you've been wanting to learn in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
So instead of going straight to just, oh my God, I'm gonna be alone with no external stimuli, that might be like cold turkey for a lot of you guys. It might be hard. A step in the right direction would be like dedicate your alone time to building rather than just staring at a wall. You know, just kind of take a step in the right direction.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Make your solitude kind of like a space for creation, not just contemplation. I do think that you should have quiet time of literally no external stimulation. I do believe in that.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
But a step in the right direction could be like, hey, I'm just going to spend time alone doing stuff with myself, not scrolling on Instagram, not being on TikTok, not being entertained passively by just looking at a screen like a TV or a phone. But like, you know what? I'm going to do something that means something to me alone. Right?
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
Purpose makes solitude feel full rather than empty for a lot of people.
The Mindset Mentor
Learn to Love Being Alone
It also makes you really understand that there's been a lot of research that's been done around this that have found that people who engage in meaningful activities alone, there was a study that was done in the Journal of Happiness, and they found out that people that do these things in meaningful activities alone, whether it's writing or painting or exercising or playing an instrument, report higher levels of life satisfaction
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
She misses those days so much. And I want her to know that when he moves out of the house, she'll miss just him being 16 years old and being present in this moment in her house. If you're in your 30s or your 40s, when you're 90, You'll long for the body and the energy and the health that you have right now. And so it doesn't matter where you are. You're living in the good old days.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
I have to constantly remind myself of this. In achievement... Or success or money doesn't make it more of the good old days. Oh, well, I would be happier and it could be the good old days if I had more money or more success. No, you would trade everything, the very last day of your life, to be right back where you are right now. But most people don't realize this until it's too late.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And so how do we stop chasing and actually start living? We need to figure out a way to break through this. This is not about not achieving. I want you to understand that. This is about learning when to turn it off so that you don't miss your own life. Because so many people miss their own lives. The first thing I want you to do is I want you to stop measuring your life by productivity.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
and now you're having like ah whatever we all get caught in this trap of wanting the next thing you know maybe you want you want your dream job oh if i could only get this dream job then i'd be set for life and then you get it and then six months later like okay now i want to move up to the next level because my salary isn't quite enough
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Success is not about what you achieve. I think success is about how much you actually experience, how present you are in your life, how present you are with the people that you love, how much fun and joy and meaning you create. If you're winning in those areas, you're winning in life. So that's the first thing I want you to understand.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
The second thing, I want you to try to start scheduling joy like you schedule work and everything else. If you don't put it in your calendar, it probably won't happen. So block out time for your joy, whatever your joy is. Unplug time to be with your family. Hobbies that bring you joy. Not for productivity, but literally hobbies just for fun. Simple, slow moments. Watching the sunset. Feeling...
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
you know, a warm cup of coffee on a quiet morning, hanging out and laughing with your friends. Schedule those things out in your life. Experience the joy. And then I want you to really start to rewire your brain for contentment versus having to always be going for the next thing. Start training your mind to recognize what is already good in your life. There's a lot that's good in your life.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
If you're listening to this podcast, if you have the means to be able to listen to this podcast, you have a lot more than the average person in the world does. Every morning, write down three things that you're grateful for, but make them specific. Don't just say, I'm grateful for my family.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
You can say something like, I'm grateful for my kids' laugh and the sounds that they make when they're excited. At night, ask yourself the question, did I actually experience joy today? If you can't experience this moment and appreciate this moment, you won't appreciate the next one either.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And then the last thing I want you to do, and I want to challenge everybody to do this today, is to make a reverse bucket list. Like we've all heard about a bucket list, which are the things that we want to do before we die. But what if you made a list of the things that you've already done that your past self once dreamed about?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Moments that if you lost these things tomorrow, you'd miss them desperately. What would that look like? What if you wrote them down and let them sink in and realize that you're already living a a life that you probably wished for in the past. And so I'm going to challenge you to be here and be now. I'm not saying don't achieve. Hell yeah, go for it. Have fun. Make this life amazing.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
But I'm saying don't let achievement steal the actual point of life. And that's what I really want to challenge you for. This is your life. It's happening right now in this moment that you're in. The real question is, are you actually living it? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So if you got something from this episode, please share. It allows us to impact more people's lives. And once again, if you want to go ahead and sign up for my inspirational text messages, text me right now. 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Or maybe you want a pay raise and you do get that pay raise. Oh, if I could only make $80,000 a year, then I'd be happy. And then you get to $80,000 a year eventually and you're like, you know what? I'm so close. I need to hit six figures and then I'll feel secure. And then you hit six figures. You hit $100,000.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
You're like, now I need to make $200,000 so I can be really secure and I can buy some more cool stuff. Or maybe you're living in an apartment and you're just like, I just really want to buy a house. I want my own place. If I could just buy my own place, I'd be so happy. And then you finally get that first home. It's a nice little home.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And then a couple of years later, you're like, ah, it's too small. I need something bigger. And you get something bigger and you're like, I need something with a pool. Or maybe you just, you've been dreaming about finally getting into a perfect relationship. If I could just find the right partner, everything will be amazing. And then you find someone that you love.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And then you're like, well, when are we getting engaged? And then you get engaged and you're like, well, when are we getting married? When's the baby? It's like the next thing, the next thing, the next thing. Maybe you just want to get a car. Oh, if I could only afford a car, then I'd be happy. Then I could feel successful.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And then you get a Honda and you're like, well, yeah, this Honda is nice, but like, look at the BMWs. And then you get a BMW five years down the road and you're like, but it's nice, but it's not like a Lamborghini. Like maybe I should be searching for and trying to get a Lamborghini. Or maybe you start your business and you're like, you know what? I just need to get my business to $10,000 a month.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Once I get to 10,000 a month, then I'm going to be set. And you work really hard for a couple of years and you finally hit it. You're like, okay, well now I need to get to $100,000 a month. Or maybe you're like, you know what? I just need to get out of debt. If I could just get out of debt, Then I never stress about money ever again. And they become debt-free.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Today, I'm going to talk to you about how to be miserable for the rest of your life, especially How to make sure that every moment from this moment forward until the day that you die, you are not as happy as you want to be. And then I'm going to talk about how to avoid it. And it has to do with something that I like to call the achievement trap.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And you're like, well, now I'm debt-free. So I need to build wealth. I need to invest. I need to... Millions would make me feel safer. Have you ever been caught in this trap before? If any of this sounds like you, I want you to know that you're not alone. In fact, I'd probably argue that most of us are caught in this exact same trap.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
It's this running on this treadmill of success where it's a treadmill where no matter how hard you run, you're still not going anywhere. You're always chasing the next thing. You're always trying to get to the next level, whatever the next goal is, and you never actually feel fulfilled When you get there, because you always want to get to the next thing.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
I always say our goals are like the horizon. The closer you get to the edge of it, the further that it gets away. Oh, we got to keep pushing it out and pushing it out. But I want you to know, like, this isn't just a personal struggle. This is more than anything else, a cultural programming that we have. We're conditioned from the time that we're little children. that we need to achieve.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
We go to school, we need to work harder, we need to get an A. When you're in first grade, you gotta work really hard so you can get to second grade. And then you gotta work really hard so you can get to third grade. And it's this constant treadmill of having to go for the next thing. And we somehow think that happiness And self-worth is something that we earn through achievement.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And so we find that our value in this world is based off of how much money we make or how successful we are in our careers or how impressive our accomplishments sound to other people. And I really believe that this belief system runs deep within us. It's why high achievers can look wildly successful on the outside, but feel completely empty on the inside.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And I want you to think about this, like what's the point of always wanting the next thing? if we're never fully in this moment to appreciate the thing that we just got. So like we can say, when I buy that house and we buy the house and you appreciate it for a couple minutes and you're like, well, what about the next thing?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
If we do that, we're always living in a future moment without ever fully being present in this moment. And if you're always trying to go for the next thing, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. I want to tell you a story of a friend who works for a guy who's worth billions of dollars. He's got more things than you could possibly imagine. It's insane. He's got a massive fleet of planes.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
He's got a ton of mansions and ranches all over the world. He's got every car you can think of. He's got every animal you can think of in his ranches. These weird, obscure animals that he pulls from Africa and India and they're from all over the world and some of them are rare and endangered and, you know, giraffes. And, you know, he's even started collecting dinosaur bones.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
So he's got fossils all over the place. He's got everything you could possibly think of. And my friend was at a dinner with him and they were eating dinner, as they do quite often, because she's been working with him for a while. And it was the beginning of the year a couple of years ago. And she said, hey, I got an idea.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Let's go around the dinner table and let's just talk about what our number one goal is for the year. And so everyone's going around and there's like five or six of them. Everyone says their number one goal for the year. Do you know what he said his number one goal for the year was? Make more money. His number one goal is to make more money.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
This guy has already, quote unquote, won the game that so many people are playing. And I know we can argue he hasn't won the game at all. And I get that. That's what I'm trying to get across here. But most people think that becoming a millionaire, becoming a billionaire is, quote unquote, winning the game of life. He's already, quote unquote, won that game.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
But instead of enjoying his life, enjoying the rewards, being able to fly one of his planes to one of the most beautiful places in the world and just hanging out there for a month and taking time off, he's stuck locked in this loop of wanting the next thing. Waking up at four o'clock in the morning and starting to work. I want you to understand that's not success, that's addiction.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Not to drugs, not to alcohol, but the constant need for more. And if we don't actively take a step back and question this mindset, most people, most of us, and I have fallen into this, will fall into that exact same pattern. So like, why can't we just be happy with what we have? Why is it so damn hard to be satisfied? Have you ever thought about that?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Like most of us, I think it's the way that we were raised. And I think that society reinforces it. And everyone puts achievement and success on this pedestal. And so many people will just work, work, work, work, work to try to get to whatever success means to them and really don't know how to turn it off. And they have no real quote unquote, I've made it goal. Like I've made it when I get here.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And then a lot of people, if they do have that goal and they hit it, well, then they've got to figure out and get to the next one. I got to move that goal out. And that's why so many people feel unfulfilled. even when they have it all. And so I'm curious for you, with everything you're doing in your life, what is it that you're actually chasing? Let's bring it back to you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
We're going to dive into our social and personal problems where we never feel like too much is ever enough. And I'm just curious, before we dive into it, in the past, have you ever wanted something so bad and you worked so hard to get it? And this might have been three or four or five, 10 years ago, whatever it is.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
What's your version of his make more money? Is yours to make more money? Is it hitting the next career milestone? Is it building a super successful business? Is it buying the dream house? Is it driving in a Lamborghini? Is it being seen as successful by other people? And we will be right back. And now, back to the show. I want you to understand, none of these are wrong.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
I don't care if you want any of these things. You can want all of them, in fact. None of them are wrong, but have you ever asked yourself, what do you actually think achievement is going to give you? Because if we're trying to go for something, it's because we unconsciously think there's something that we're going to get from it. Like if somebody wants more money, they don't just want money.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
They want something behind it. You know, most people aren't chasing money. They are chasing security or they're chasing maybe love from other people or they're chasing the feeling of finally being worthy because they are worth $10 million or they're chasing the feeling of if I make this amount of money, then I can show it off and then maybe people will appreciate me more.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Most people are not chasing status. They're chasing validation. And not even validation from themselves, validation from other people. They're wanting to prove to themselves that they're not a loser. They're hoping that people will look at them differently if they're successful. You know, they're not chasing success. They're chasing this feeling of maybe I'll finally be enough.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Most people's biggest fear, their biggest thing that holds them back is a different flavor for everybody else. But it's usually this core feeling of not being enough. And that could be good enough, that could be smart enough, pretty enough, loved, accepted, not being a failure, whatever it might be. And the problem isn't the goal itself. You can do and go for whatever you want to in this life.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And I think that you should. And I think that that's amazing. But the problem is believing that your happiness exists on the other side of what you want. Because if you're not happy now, you won't be happy when you get the thing that you want. I promise you that. I can tell you 100% from many people I've met that are extremely successful and miserable.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And so the problem isn't believing that the problem is believing that your happiness is on the other side of this thing that you want. But here's a secret. if you can't feel fulfilled now, you won't feel fulfilled then. So why don't I just try to make myself feel happy now, regardless of what I have?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And I can still want to achieve just for the fun of it, play it like a game, success and money and all of these things can be like a game, but why can't I just be happy now? Why can't I just feel fulfilled now? There's people with less money than I have that are way happier than I have. So it doesn't mean that I have to make money in order to be happy.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
It means that I could be happy at any moment while I'm on my road of achievement or success, whatever it might be. And I was running a call yesterday for my weekly group that I run. It's called Mindset University. And I was on the call yesterday. And I I was on a call and one of the ladies that was there asked me a question. She's like, hey, I want to achieve. I want to have success.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
She's like, but I don't feel like I have enough time and I don't know what to do. That's always like what's happening on the surface, right? And I'm like, okay, what's happening on the surface is fine, but I want to know the deep thing that's actually going under it. And I was like, okay, what does that look like to you?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And so she wanted to achieve because of the way that she was raised, like all of us, right? And she felt like she wasn't good enough until she achieved. And, but she says, I don't really like want to right now. And, and I heard a baby in the background as she was speaking at some, some moment.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And she's like, she's like, she had said something along the lines at some point when she was speaking real quickly of like, everything's pretty good right now. And I was like, hey, did I hear a baby in the background? And she's like, yeah, I have a one-year-old.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And you have that thing now, or you had it at some point in the past, like you wanted it, you wanted it, you achieved it. And now that you have it, it's just another thing. Maybe it's a house. Maybe it's a car. Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's a achievement. It's a job. Or maybe it's a certain amount of money that you're making. Now that you have it, you're just like, ugh, whatever.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And I was like, so what I'm hearing you say is that you have a one-year-old, life is pretty good right now, and you want to achieve, like there's something that's pulling you to want to achieve, but there's also this feeling of like, everything's pretty good right now. My life is decent. It's good.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
And it sounds like more than anything else, if I'm translating what you're saying, you just want to be happy in the moment. Is that correct? And she's like, yeah, that would be great. I was like, you can achieve at any moment. When your child is 18 years old, you can decide, hey, I'm going to go achieve and grow a massive business or be successful.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to receive some inspirational and mindset texts from me sporadically throughout your week, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
But what you're telling me is your life is pretty good right now. You're paying the bills. Everything seems pretty great. I was like, why don't you just enjoy the present moment with your one-year-old? I was like, I know from the people that I speak to by having a child and a baby, people keep coming up and talking to us. And they're like, man, I miss when our kids are that old.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
I miss my children at that age. I just wish that I could have my children be babies again. So many people are telling this to me. And I was like, why don't you just appreciate the moment of being with your child? Because I guarantee you, when your baby is 20 years old and moved out of the house, you're going to, you would trade everything that you have
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
20 years from today to be right back in this moment that you're in. And she just started crying. And then like 15 other people on the call started crying as well because they started thinking about their children and how they miss their babies and how their children are older, they're moved out. And it's about being present in this moment and really appreciating what we have.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
You can appreciate this moment, be present in this moment, be happy and fulfilled in this moment and still want to achieve more, but not from a place of I have to, to be worthy, but I just want to because it's fun. I want you to understand, imagine yourself 90 years old. You've accomplished everything you've ever wanted. You've had the career. You have the money. You had the success.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
You've traveled the world. You have $100 million in all of your bank accounts and your investments, and you're 90 years old. Do you want to know what? I guarantee you, at 90 years old, worth $100 million, no matter how old you are, no matter where you are in life, you would trade every single dollar every single achievement to rewind time back to this moment right now.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
Even if you're 30 years old and your life is complete shit right now and you're rebuilding your entire life, I promise you, you would trade all $100 million at 90 years old to be 30 years old and struggling again. So money is not the goal. It's time, it's experiences, and it's being present in this moment. That's the real goal. How are you missing it?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
What's the point of always wanting the next thing when once we get that thing, we want the next thing? You're never fully present. You're always living in this future of the next thing versus appreciating wherever it is that you currently are. You know, what if you're living in the years right now that you'll miss in the future? One day in the future, you're going to miss these moments.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
If you have a one-year-old right now screaming and keeping you up at night while you're holding them and trying to put them back to sleep, one day, You will wish you could just hold your baby like you did this morning at three o'clock when they were screaming and crying and awake. When they're 30 years old, you'd be like, man, I just wish I could hold my baby the same way I used to.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
If you have a child right now and they're young and it's stressful, you know, I have a friend who's got a 16-year-old son and she always tells me whenever she sees my son, she's like, oh man, I miss those days. I miss when I could hold him like that. He doesn't want me to hold him ever. She thinks it's weird for me to want to give him a long extended hug when he's 16 years old.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Miserable for the Rest of Your Life
But when you were younger, it was like the thing you wanted more than anybody else. You worked so hard for it. You dreamed about it. You prayed about that thing.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
This is something my wife and I just decided to do this past week where I'm like, man, it's kind of like they used to have a really good idea when you look at whether it was Saturday for some religions or Sunday for other religions where it was like, hey, you don't work. You don't do anything else. You just spend time with family.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And then most importantly, what the hell you can do about it so that you can get rid of that overstimulation so that you can go back to feeling yourself and having the vibrance and the energy that you actually truly have. It's just being kind of stolen away from you.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So I'm like, we should have one day where we just have no screens that ever go on. And the other day I was like, I recommended it and it was like five o'clock. I was like, let's just not look at any screens until we go to bed tonight. So we just hung out and we just talked and we hung out with the baby and it was great. So I was like, let's do it for 24 hours.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And so I recommend having like a stimulation fast, try it just for 24 hours one time. And then what I recommend is trying to actually have a day where you do that. And you know, if you're single and you live by yourself, well then it's just your thoughts, a notebook, maybe you'll walk. You know, you might feel bored. That's a good thing.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Once again, as I've said many times this podcast, stop saying that you're bored and start saying that you're resting your brain. You're just resting. It's like a spa day for your brain is what it is and your nervous system. Boredom is a gateway to creativity, to emotional clarity, to getting more focused. It's a good thing.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Another thing I'll say is prioritize deep focus over shallow input as well. So, you know, like deep focus. So you can do deep work of two hours of just working on one thing and one thing only. Or you can decide that you're gonna read a physical book and you're gonna just work on that for the next 30 minutes.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
You can decide, you know, instead of me typing something out, what I'm gonna start doing is I'm gonna start writing things out. Maybe what you do is writing so you're physically and mentally connected to that piece of paper. You say, I'm gonna do one task at a time. I know it's radical, radical to think you could do one task at a time, right?
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
One task at a time and I'm gonna dedicate the next 30 minutes to doing this thing. So it's like prioritizing deep focus and just doing one thing versus shallow input and having to feel like you have to do a million things. Because I know, I've done it before. I'm in the middle of reading and I literally think I need to check my phone. I'm like, oh, I got this idea. I got to do this thing.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
It's like, nope, I'm going to do this thing and this thing only. I'm going to get my mind better at focusing. Because deep focus strengthens your prefrontal cortex, which is your decision-making part of your brain, and it improves your willpower and decision-making when you do this. And so try to get some deep focus time.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And then last thing that I recommend is go out in nature more often, like trade artificial stimulation for natural rhythms. Sunlight instead of screens and artificial light. Walking out in nature instead of scrolling. Silence instead of Spotify. Nature recalibrates your senses. There's many studies that have been done on this.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So when you look at overstimulation, I was really curious before we dive into it, like what is overstimulation based off what we're gonna be talking about today? Overstimulation is what happens when your brain
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And I think it's Japan, they call it forest bathing, where you actually go out into the forest and just be there because it actually starts to regulate your nervous system, regulate your brain. It calms you down. There's a reason why forced breathing reduces your cortisol and boosts your moods. And it's because we are from all of that. Stop thinking you're different than nature.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
You're from nature. And so the thing I really just want you to understand, and hopefully I didn't scare the shit out of you as I was going through this episode, I just wanted to give you the real hard facts is you might not be lazy. You might not be unmotivated. You might just be, you might not be tired. You might just be overstimulated.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And so if you've been beating yourself up for being unfocused or tired or unmotivated or emotionally flat, what if it's not just you? What if it's all of the noise? You don't need to do more. You need to do less for a little while. Let your brain and your nervous system relax. Let your soul catch up to it. Take a couple deep breaths, you know? Start to feel a little bit more grounded.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Feel a little bit more creative. Start to feel a little bit more like you. And so that's what I recommend. If you're overstimulated, just take a break. Give yourself a little bit of a rest and I promise you, it'll help you. So that's all I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Tag me in it where all of the other friends that you have are completely overstimulated and they need to see this. So tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And with that, I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
and your nervous system, and your nervous system's a really key part of what we're gonna be talking about today, are exposed to more sensory, emotional, and informational input than they can effectively process in one point in time and then be able to regulate.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Because you have to understand, your brain is processing everything that comes in, and it's filtering what it needs to pay attention to, what it doesn't need to pay attention to. And so over time, your body needs to be able to regulate all of this. And so it can leave you scattered. It can leave you exhausted because your brain's working a million miles a second behind everything.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
It can make you feel a little bit emotionally numb. It can make you feel irritable as well. Basically, overstimulation is what happens when your brain takes in more information that it can actually process. And... You've heard me say this before, but just really think about this.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And if you're out there and you want to get my free video lesson training on how to brainwash yourself with a morning priming technique so that you can change your thoughts, you can change your beliefs, and you can start to actually speak to yourself the way that you want to, go ahead and go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com, and you can download it absolutely free.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
If you think back to your great, great, great, great grandparents, what, 150 years ago maybe, life was completely different. They didn't have phones. They didn't have TVs. They didn't have radios. They didn't have cars running or going all over the place. They didn't have airplanes. It was just completely different.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
our brain has not caught up to adapt to all of the changes that have happened in the past 150 years.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
can think about your mind being like this old old computer you remember like the the green screen computers that you know that you used to have for those of you guys that are older like the green screen ones that were very basic think of your mind being like one of those but it's got 150 tabs open it's got music playing it's got downloads running in the background it's got pop-ups flashing limited time offer
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
That's your brain basically what it's dealing with all of the time. And your brain can't process everything. It's trying to. There's no software update for your brain. There's no hardware update for your brain. What you got is what you got. You know, modern life feels like that. It feels like nonstop notifications, 24-7 news.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
constant background noise, whether that's people talking, whether that's car sounds, whether that's the TV on in the background, whether that's music playing, whether that's people in the background, you're getting dopamine hits from social media, you're getting cortisol from all of the worries that you're thinking about in the future, and your brain's on high alert all day long, every single day.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
It just was not designed for this. So if you're one of those people who feels like, man, I just have no energy, I'm exhausted all the time, I'm tired, I'm a little bit irritable, it might be that your brain needs a freaking break because your brain wasn't built for it.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And over the thousands of years that it's evolved, our brain's more used to natural, gradual, slow changes in the environment, not TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, Reddit, Slack, phone notifications, email inboxes, text messages, and DMs, and
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
group chats from your friends and Instagram and podcasts and having a to-do list that will never be finished, having unfinished tasks, worrying about things coming up in the future, your perfectionism, what people are thinking about you, what they're not thinking about you, your self-criticism, the voice that's going on in the back of your head all the time.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And then you're in a meeting with your boss. And then at the same time, you also see the TV that has breaking news about some crazy thing that just happened and instant drama and constant urgency. It's way too much, man. And so there's tens of thousands of distractions every single day. And I'm not being sarcastic when I actually say tens of thousands.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
I had to do research of like how many distractions and things are coming into our brain throughout the entire course of the day. And here's what I found, right? There's a lot of research on this. Research shows that modern humans are processing way more than we can, like trying to process way more than we can every single day.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
You know, when you look at notifications that somebody receives in a day, at least 65 to around 150 every single day. How many times the average person pick up their phone every single day? Between 96 to 144 times a day. Social media check-ins, on average, 27 times per day.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Time spent on screens, whether that's your phone, your computer, your TV, on average, seven to 10 hours a day for most adults. Email sent and received, around 121 per day. Text messages, around 40 per day.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Today, I'm going to be talking to you about how overstimulation is ruining your life. Let's get real for a second. If you feel like maybe you're a little bit drained recently, or maybe your brain's a little bit all over the place, you feel kind of scattered, or you just kind of feel like you're not really yourself, I want you to know that that there's a chance that you're not broken.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So that's hundreds of micro hits of input before you even factor in the environmental noise and the sounds that are happening in the background that your brain's constantly paying attention to and filtering. The background chatter, the traffic sounds, the kids that you have, pets that you have to pay attention to, notifications, reminders, alerts, pop-ups, clickbait.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
On average, the average adult gets around 6,000 to 10,000 ads per day alone. So your brain is just constantly dealing with all this stuff. So I want you just to take a step back and take a deep breath and realize there is a lot that your brain is trying to process. And so what I like to do is I like to look at what everybody else in the world is doing.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
most of the time and I like to do the exact opposite. And so when I look at people, most people are on their phones and they're distracted all the time and they're constantly, constantly, constantly being distracted with more and more stimuli. So what I've been doing over the past couple years is removing myself from all of that as much as I possibly can.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Deleting a lot of stuff, getting rid of notifications, getting rid of social media, if I'm not getting any sort of benefit from it, or at least unfollowing people who I'm not getting benefit from, and only following people that are good for my mindset and good for my brain. And so what does all of this do? Well, it becomes cognitive overload if we don't.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So your prefrontal cortex, which is the part of your brain which is responsible for decision-making and for your focus and impulse control, actually just gets exhausted through all of this. And so sensory overload does that to your prefrontal cortex. It also causes amygdala activation. Amygdala is where fear and anxiety comes from. It's that part of your brain.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So it increases your anxiety, it increases your irritability, it increases your emotional reactivity. Neuroimaging studies actually show that constant digital stimulation reduces the gray matter in your brain which is areas responsible for self-regulation and how to regulate the way that you feel and empathy for other people. And the average worker switches tasks over 300 times a day.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And so when you look at it, it's kind of like modern life is a full-on attention war zone. And so you need to take a step back from a lot of these things because your brain wasn't designed for all of this stimuli. It's meant for meaningful, natural stimuli. not processing a thousand microsignals and dopamine loops and cortisol and task switches every single day.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So if you feel fried or foggy or any of that, you're not broken, you're just over-processed. And so really that's what I want to talk about today. And I wanted to spend nine minutes telling you this to actually hopefully like... If you remember in Billy Madison, where he takes the little kid that's like, I can't wait to get to high school.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And he takes his little chunky cheeks and he shakes his face. And he's like, you know, if you guys are older, remember this, he shakes his face. He's like, don't say that. Don't ever say that.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Hopefully this past nine minutes is shaking you to be like, get rid of all of the shit that's constantly distracting yourself all the time because it's making you emotionally numb and giving you decision fatigue and making you irritable and it's reducing your productivity and it's screwing with your sleep and your rest and it's making you dull and just overstimulated all of the time.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
It's making you into just more of a zombie than you need to be. And then it screws with your nervous system. So I'm not trying to scare the shit out of you. I promise I'm going to give you some tips today. But I am trying to get you to wake up to understand we need to take a step back from all this stuff.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
There's a chance that you're not lazy. There's a chance that you're not unmotivated or that you're a loser. There's a chance that you could be extremely overstimulated with the current world that we live in. And it's quietly starting to wreck your ability to focus, to connect with other people, and a lot of times to even feel the feelings of joy.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Because when you have so much overstimulation, your nervous system ends up having a lot of cortisol that runs through it, which is your body's primary stress hormone. So when your brain's constantly taking in stimuli, there's your nervous system, which is your sympathetic nervous system, and then your parasympathetic nervous system. Parasympathetic is the calm, cool, collected, rest, relaxation.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
That's parasympathetic. Sympathetic is fight or flight. And so when you're constantly getting all of this stuff hitting you all the time, it's clicking on your sympathetic nervous system, which is your fight or flight, and it stays on.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And there was a study that was done in 2013 that was published in the, I'm gonna try this out, Psychoneuroendocrinology, pretty good, I think I got it there, that showed that chronic exposure to even low-level stressors, like constant alerts, noise, notifications, all of that, can keep cortisol levels elevated throughout the entire day. And so what does that mess with?
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Your immune system, your gut health, your memory, your mood, your focus, your hormone balance, all of that stuff. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. And so overstimulation affects your mind, but also affects your ability to connect.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
It affects you not being able to fully connect to the people around you, your children, your wife, not wanting to go out and hang out with people as much because there's too much happening.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So if you ever find yourself avoiding phone calls or zoning out in conversations or needing a week to recover from a social event, that's your brain trying to protect you from more input they can actually handle. And so in kids, we actually call this sensory overload.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Like I've seen it in my son because he's just so new to this world that if there's too much going on, I can see him actually start to kind of get frazzled and stressed. Sometimes like when the dogs are playing in front of him and there's music going on in the background, he's like, he'll start to like get a little bit stressed. You could see sensory overload.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
In adults, we just call it, oh, I'm just tired. I just need a little space. But we downplay it more than we should. It's the same neurological shutdown. And so it's really interesting about the whole thing is that overstimulation, when you look at it, it actually mimics the symptoms of depression, anxiety, and ADHD. So there's so many people that are just self-diagnosing, oh, I have depression.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Oh, I have anxiety. Oh, I have ADHD. But in reality, it could just be there's way more overstimulation than you realize, and the overstimulation actually mimics the feelings and the looks of depression, anxiety, and ADHD. You might be just a little bit overstimulated, right? So that's really what I'm trying to get to you to understand here. So what do we want to do in this case?
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
We want to be able to destimulate. Sounds pretty good without having to like move into the middle of the woods and never see anybody or like move to a monastery and become a monk or something like that. So what do you actually do around this? Here's your nervous system's version of a bubble bath, right? That's basically what this is. The first thing is to start a daily low stimulation ritual.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
The first thing I'll say more than anything else, and this is something I've said hundreds of times on this podcast, but I haven't said it recently, is when your alarm goes off, turn it off, and then give yourself a certain time that you do not look at your phone. I've noticed of myself that, because my phone, my alarm is on my phone, so if I roll over
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Gile. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
and I end up turning it off and I look at my phone even just to, you know, okay, I'm gonna turn off airplane mode and I turn it off airplane mode and boom, I get hit with a text message and immediately start thinking about that thing that happened. And so I'll give you a really odd example.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Okay, the other day I got a text message from somebody and it was somebody just sending something to me that they thought was, it was a friend of mine that sent something to me they thought was inspiring. And it was Will Smith talking, right, about something. And so I didn't even watch the video. I just saw that, oh, they sent me this inspiring Will Smith video.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
And so today we're going to take a deep dive into what overstimulation actually is when you look at it neurologically, how it's affecting you and your life, the psychology and the neuroscience behind being overstimulated, how it actually affects your brain, how it affects your body, how it affects your relationships and affects the way that you feel.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So I turned my phone, it was a quick like hit. I just saw it real quick and I was like, all right, cool, I'll get back to it. About 20 minutes later, I'm in my meditation and I can't stop thinking about Will Smith. And I'm like, what the hell is going on with me? This doesn't make any sense. And I was like, oh, that's right. I'm thinking about the pursuit of happiness.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
I'm thinking about when he played in I Am Legend or whatever that movie is. I think about the fact that he, you know, oh my gosh, I wonder what it's like for him now that, you know, a couple of years ago since he smacked Chris Rock. And so there was no other real sensory input that came into my brain, but my brain latched onto this thing I'm in the middle of a meditation.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
I'm thinking about all of this stuff around Will Smith because I happen to just, bing, see a text message come in about some inspiring thing that came in from Will Smith. What I recommend is that when your alarm goes off, give yourself a certain time, whether it's 30 minutes, an hour, even a couple hours, hopefully, where you don't look at your phone.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Because you can't underestimate how much a quick little thinking of something and seeing something can get stuck in your brain for the rest of the day. And so what I recommend is you have a low stimulation ritual, at least one moment in your day that is tech-free, that is task-free, and that is quiet. It could be a meditation if you want to, or you could be sitting outside watching the sky.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
In the middle of the day, you have your lunch and you go outside for 10 minutes and you just look at the sky and you just listen to birds chirp. Or in the morning, you can sip your coffee without your phone and you can close your eyes and breathe deeply for 60 seconds. You know, studies show that even 10 minutes of silence reduces stress and improves your cognitive function. Try it out.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So low stimulation ritual that you do every single day. The next thing I recommend is this. Try batching your notifications, okay? The beautiful thing about most phones now is if you have the newest version of them, you could turn them on do not disturb. And what's good about do not disturb is no notifications really come in unless it's an emergency, you can set it up that way.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
So you have notification hours. So let's say from like, you know, while you're at work, you have your emails and you have all this stuff. From 9 a.m. to 12 a.m., can be like your notification hours. And then you turn them off from 12 until 4.30 so that you can get some deep work done while you're at work and you're not distracted by all the things that are happening.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
Then from 4.30 to 5, you can turn it back on and see what you missed in four and a half hours. I promise you, it's probably not... that urgent of stuff. And so you use your do not disturb. You have your notification hours. You batch your notifications. You move distracting apps off your home screen. Don't use your phone for the first hour of the day, the last hour of your day.
The Mindset Mentor
How Overstimulation Is Ruining Your Life
You know, your brain needs kind of the bookends of calm. Give it some space to digest. Another thing that I recommend is to go on a stimulation fast. Try 24 hours with no screens, with no music, with no social media.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
I'm going to do it anyways. So find one thing that excites you a little bit, but also kind of scares the crap out of you. Figure out what it is and then take that leap. So with the bottom line of all of this is getting your life together isn't about being perfect. It's about progress. And I say this all the time, but Tony Robbins says progress equals happiness.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Whenever I am for myself, but also around other people who are progressing in some sort of way, they're always so much happier because they feel like they're growing and they're moving in the right direction. They've got something to look forward to in the future. One step leads to another. So you've got to start somewhere.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
And before you know it, if you do these little tiny things, you're no longer stuck. So I want you to figure out right now, what's your first move? Say it out loud to yourself right now. Pick one and do it today. What is one action that you can do today? Your future self is counting on you. Everyone around you, your family, they're all counting on you.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
What can you do to create the life that you want? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a huge favor. Please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
There's some people out there that are probably listening to like 50 or 100 episodes and you've never shared it. Do me a favor. The way you can pay it forward and everything and help us help the world is to just go ahead and share it. So if you do that, I'd greatly, greatly appreciate it.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
You are the only person responsible for fixing your life. Everything that happened to you in your past, everything that happened to you in your childhood, not everything was your fault. Some things happened. Some things were done to you. Some things you could not avoid. But even though they weren't your fault, they are still your responsibility to deal with.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
But if you sit around and you're just waiting for an apology for somebody, or you're wanting some sort of closure, or you're waiting for someone to come and save you, you're gonna be waiting forever. And so at some point, you've gotta look and go, if someone's gonna fix my life, it's gonna be me.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
And I didn't want these things to happen in my past, but this is the cards I've been dealt, so I've gotta do something with it. The only way forward is to take radical responsibility.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
I realized this when I was 19, 20 years old, first getting into personal development, and I wanted to hold resentment towards my dad, who was an alcoholic when I was a child, who passed away when I was 15 from liver failure from being an alcoholic. And I wanted to... to be mad at him the rest of my life. But then I realized the way that my dad was was not my fault, but it was the life I was given.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
It is my responsibility to deal with. And if I just decide that I want to hold a grudge to someone my entire life, it's just going to hold me back. And so you have to stop playing the blame game at some point. Yes, your parents might have screwed up. Yeah, your ex might have been toxic. Yes, your life may have been unfair.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
But the longer that you point fingers at other people, the longer that you're going to stay stuck. And so what you need to do is take an honest inventory of your entire life. Where do you need to make changes? Where are you slacking in your life? Where are you self-sabotaging? Write all of them down. Take like a real account of what's going on in your life.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
If you can't fix something, then you've got to figure out some sort of way to change whatever it is. If you can't fix a relationship, you got to change a relationship. If you can't fix another person, you got to change a person, right? And so you have to figure out some sort of way to get everything back on track that's not on track right now. Focus on what you can control is important.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
You can't control the past, but you can't control the actions that you take right now today. What I want you to do is I want you to write down every area of your life that feels like it's out of control. For some of you listening, it might be one. For some of you listening, it might be 10. Write down every single one of them.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
And instead of writing excuses down or continuing to believe excuses, just write down one small action that you can take to start fixing each one of those. So that's the first thing is you've got to own it, okay? The second thing is you've got to cut the toxicity. You've heard me talk about this before, but your life is a direct reflection of who and what you tolerate.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, we're going to be talking about eight steps to un-f*** your life. How to basically get your life back together. So this could be if your life is going pretty decent, but you know you want it to be a whole lot better, or this could feel like you're absolutely in the trenches. This is going to be made for you. So let's be real. Life is amazing. It's beautiful.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
If you're surrounded by negativity and drama and self-destructive habits, it will make moving forward in your life incredibly hard. I really want to say this and I really want this to hit home with you. Don't underestimate how much all of the toxicity around you can hold you down.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
It's like life is hard enough trying to get to your goal and create the life that you want and run this marathon of life and get to quote unquote success, whatever successful life means to you. It's hard enough. But if your environment is pulling you down, it just makes it so much harder. It's like trying to run with a backpack that's full of 100 pounds weights. It's going to be harder.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Sometimes you just got to let go of the weights. And so take a look at a few different things. Number one. the people around you. If someone's constantly draining your energy, they disrespect you, they make you feel like shit, they don't deserve access to you. And so set some boundaries, cut them off if it's necessary. Second thing to look at is your habits.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
The things that you do on a daily basis shape your future. The actions that you take will become the results in the future that you have. If your habits include binge drinking or mindlessly scrolling or procrastinating or worrying or holding yourself back, then you're the one that needs to change it. And then look at your environment, what's around you. Your surroundings really matter.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
If you have clutter, if you have chaos, if you have bad energy that keeps you stuck, whatever it might be, clean up the space mentally and physically. Change your scenery in some sort of way. All of these things affect your mental health in some way. And there's nothing more important than your mental health.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Identify one toxic person or habit or thing in your environment that you need to remove from your life and start distancing yourself today. So that's number two. Number three, just get your money right. At some point, you got to realize you're an adult. You're in the money game. You have to use money in your life if you're going to live in society.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
So you've got to get it right in some sort of way. If you're constantly stressed out about money, You're giving up your peace. You're giving up your freedom and your power as well. Getting your finances together isn't about being rich. It's about not living in survival mode anymore. And so you've got to face your numbers in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Ignoring your bank account won't make the problem go away. I remember for me, I used to hate checking my bank account when I was 21, 22 years old, because I never knew if I'd have a few hundred dollars or if I would have overdraft fees of a few hundred dollars. So you've got to check your balance. You've got to understand your credit, your debits.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
You've got to get clear on where your money is going. And I recommend that every single person, because I know so many people don't do this, actually create a real budget that works. If you need help creating a budget, go on YouTube, look up how to create a budget, and follow someone's YouTube video to do it. It'll take you maybe an hour to do.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
And then as you do it, cut all of your unnecessary expenses, like your Amazon purchases. But, you know, leave some room for joy going out and doing some fun things, but make a plan. Make some sort of plan for you to build wealth in your life. Even if it's just saving like $5 a week or starting a side hustle. You have to start somewhere.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
The thing that I realized when I was younger is that money is a game. It really is. And you're in the money game if you're going to live in society. You're in the money game whether you want to be in it or not. And so if you're like, I don't like the way that society is, I don't like money, I don't like greed, all of this stuff, unless you're going to go live in a forest, you're in the game.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
So you might as well learn how to play the game. You might as well learn the rules. Will it require time and energy? Yes. But will it save you so much time, money, and energy to learn the game? Absolutely. And so you've got to understand that. Whether you want to be in the game or not, you're in it.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
So you can either decide that you can just remain ignorant to the fact that you don't understand how money works, or you can go, you know what? I'm in this game. I need to figure it out. And if you do that and you start learning about it, you realize it's really not that complex. You might go, well, I might need to change my job. I might need to make a budget. I might need to do this.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
I might need to do that. And so the action step I want to give you from this is to make some form of a budget. You'd be so surprised where your money is going if you think that you have none. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. I remember when when Laura and I first started dating, you know, 11 years ago at this point, she had a job. She moved up to Austin from San Antonio.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
It's also a hot mess. And one day you can wake up and you can feel like, hey, I got a grip on things. Things are going pretty well. Next day you can wake up and you feel like you're drowning in overdue bills. You have all these bad habits. You have toxic relationships. Your tummy fat is falling a little bit more over your waistband. Sound familiar? Well, welcome to be a human.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
I was up in Austin and she had a job for about probably about nine months. And she's like, I have no money. She kept saying that. I was like, well, OK, like how much money do you make every other week? She told me how much money she makes every other week. I said, OK, well, like how much? How much do you have that goes to rent?
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
How much do you have that goes to your phone, to your car, to your insurance? And I added it all up. This is a true story. I'd all up and I go, because I'm a big numbers person. She's not as much of a numbers person as I am. I go, Lauren, there's $500 that you're making that's not accounted for. Like, where's the other $500 going? And she's like, there's no way there's $500.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
I'm like, I'm literally looking at there's $500 a month that you have extra after your bills that's coming in from your paycheck after taxes. She's like, there's definitely not. And I said, okay, well then let's do the hard thing. do you want to go ahead and print out the last three months of your debit card? And you and I can literally go through every single one of them.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
I can categorize them for you and we can figure out where the money's going. She's like, sure, because I'm going to show you there's not $500 extra. I was like, all right, cool. And so we did it and took us a couple hours to do. We categorized every single thing that she went through. Ended up finding out where the $500 a month was going to. Do you want to know where? Target.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Because she would just walk into Target and just randomly buy shit. And that's what Target's made for, right? And so she was like, I'm just gonna stop going to Target. She stopped going to Target and she was able to start saving money because magically she had $500 more in her bank account every single month. And so...
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
I recommend that you do that because you'd be surprised where all of the different holes in your bucket are leaking out to them. Okay, so that's number three. Number four, move your body more, even when you don't feel like it. Your body is the only home that you'll ever have. If you neglect it, it will fall apart. It might not fall apart today or tomorrow, but it will fall apart.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Stop acting like it won't. Exercise isn't about just looking good. It's about taking care of the place that you live. Take care of your mental clarity, your discipline, your longevity, all of that. So find some sort of movement or workout that you enjoy. You don't have to go in and just like lift heavy weights. You can lift weights if you want to. You can go walking. You can go running.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
You can do yoga. You could do dancing. You could do primal movements. Just do some form of movement. Stop waiting for motivation to come through before you start moving your body because you won't always feel like it. But you're going to need to do it anyways. And if you do find something that you enjoy, you're more likely to do it than something that you don't enjoy. And you can just start small.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Even if it's just 10 minutes a day can make a huge difference because so many of us are just sitting all day long. Your body was made to move. If you go back 100,000 years to our ancestors, they weren't just laying, sitting down all day long. They were moving. They were doing things. Your body's made to do that. Move in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
And so the action step I want to give you from this is choose one form of movement and commit to doing it for at least 10 minutes every day this week. Sound good? That's number four. Number five, clean up your diet. Please clean up your diet. Your diet directly affects your energy, your mood, your focus, how you treat yourself, how you treat people around you.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
And food is either your medicine or it's your poison. And if you eat like shit, you're going to feel like shit. And food is another thing, just like money, that I had to figure out. I had to start reading about it. I had to start learning about it so that I could understand, okay, well, I can't escape the money game, so I might as well learn about it.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
That's the way that we all are. The good news is that you can turn your life around. You can be the person to unf*** your life. No matter how deep you feel like you're in the trenches, you can turn it around. It won't be something that's going to happen overnight. So if you just think, oh my gosh, I'm going to get my life together overnight, it ain't happening. It won't be very easy.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
I can't escape the diet game and this body game, so I might as well learn about it. Might as well learn what it looks like and what my nutrition should be and what I should eat and what I shouldn't eat. Maybe I should learn how to read labels. And so simple things are like, hydrate more often. It's crazy to me how few people are hydrated in this world.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Like most people walk around dehydrated and mistake their thirst for hunger. So many people have headaches all day long and they're just dehydrated. So many people have soreness and sore muscles and cramps and they're just dehydrated. Just drink more water, please. Drink half of your body weight in ounces every single day, okay? Also what I would recommend, prioritize protein and real food.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you want to get some text messages from me, mindset tips, tricks, inspiration sporadically throughout the week onto your cell phone, text me right now, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Try to have less processed garbage and more whole foods in some sort of way. General rule of thumb that I live off of, if it doesn't go in the fridge or it doesn't go bad out of the fridge within a couple of days, I don't eat it. That's just gonna help you stay away from processed food. So once again, if it goes in the fridge, usually pretty good.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
If it goes bad outside of the fridge within a couple of days, usually pretty good. If I can put it in my pantry and it's good for the next six months, not good, right? So that's just a general rule of thumb. And so just start making small, sustainable swaps. Instead of soda, drink water. Instead of chips, grab some fruit, grab some nuts in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
And so choose one unhealthy habit that you have and replace it with a better one this week. Okay, that's number five. Number six, stop wasting your time on that doesn't matter. If you feel like you don't have time, track where your hours go. You'll be shocked.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
The same way that if you do a budget on your money, if you do a budget on your time, you'd be so surprised how much time you waste on stuff that doesn't matter. Do you do doom scrolling? We'll cut it in half. Do you do Netflix marathons? Limit it to your weekends. Do you say yes to everything and everybody because you're a people pleaser? Start saying no.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Do you find a lot of the time you're stuck not doing something because you're worrying too much? Figure out a way to worry less. If you won't remember it in five years, don't spend more than five minutes worrying about it. Do you ruminate too much in the past? Well, have you figured out a way to change the past yet? No? How's that working for you? Oh, it doesn't fix anything. Interesting.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
So what I would recommend is that you audit your time for an entire day. What am I doing here? What am I doing here? What am I doing here? You know, have an alarm go off on your phone every single hour and say, what did I just do for the hour? You'd be really, really interested. and surprised by where your time goes. Most people think they don't have enough time.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
It's that most people don't use their time correctly. So that's number six. Number seven, start building a life that you get excited to wake up to. Existing isn't the same as living. If your days feel like a chore, if it feels like a lot to get up and to do something and to take yourself to do what you need to do to live your life, something needs to change. What excites you? Figure it out.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Make a list. Do more of that. What drains you? Make a list. Do less of it. Stop waiting for someday. Just start today in some sort of way. And so write down something that excites you, something that you've been wanting to do for a while. Write down one goal or dream that you've been putting off and then just take some baby step towards the future.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
But if you're willing to put in the work, I don't know if there's a better thing that you should be doing than trying to put your own life back together. And so I'm going to give you the eight different steps, the roadmap to reclaiming your life no matter where your life is, okay? The first one, which is probably the most important, is to own it. If you take nothing else from this list, take this.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Life is so much more exciting when you have something coming up in the future that you're working towards or that you have a... a vacation or a hobby that you're coming up. And so that's what I'd recommend is like figure out something that you can do that's coming up down the line that you can have that excites you. So that's number seven. And number eight, get out of your comfort zone more often.
The Mindset Mentor
8 Steps to Unf**k Your Life: How to Get Your Life Together
Growth is uncomfortable. If you avoid discomfort, you will avoid growing. Feel the fear and do it anyways. Push past your limits. You're capable of way more than you think. Stop running from the hard things. The only way out is through. And so sometimes you just need to go, this thing that I kind of want to do, it also kind of scares me. It's also really out of my comfort zone. Screw it.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And so my challenge for you today, and what I really want you to do, just hopefully you're driving to work or you listen to this in the morning on your run or whatever it might be. My challenge for you today is to try to catch yourself. Like just become aware. Notice how you talk to yourself in your head and then notice how you speak about yourself to other people.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Notice when you also use absolute language, things like always or never, or you close the door and you say, I can't. Because when you say I can't, that's just close the door completely. Or you say something like I am. And then what comes after the I am is something negative. Notice how you just catch yourself for a second.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Just notice the way that you think in your head, the way that you speak out loud. Then what I want you to do is I want you to step number two is to reframe it. Notice what you said.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And if it's not the way that you want to think about yourself, it's not the way that you want to think about the world, shift it, reframe it, change it to a more empowering statement for yourself, a more growth-orientated statement for yourself. And then what I want you to do is I want you to feel the difference. Notice how what you speak and what you say out loud changes the way that you feel.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And notice that when you speak empowering things to yourself, you open yourself up to possibility and opportunities instead of limitation. Because your words are extremely powerful. They shape your entire world. They shape your focus. They shape your beliefs. They shape your actions. And they shape your reality.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
So you have to make sure that you choose them wisely and to speak to yourself in a way that moves you forward in your life. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And once again, if you want to get in and start to brainwash and reprogram yourself for what you want to believe in yourself, You can get my lesson that is absolutely free on how to create a morning priming technique. If you go to morningpriming.com, once again, morningpriming.com, you can download it absolutely free.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
So if you say, I always self-sabotage, your mind's like, okay, well, it looks like we're just gonna keep on self-sabotaging because that's who we are. But what if instead you just switched and shift your words just a little bit and you say something like, I've self-sabotaged myself in the past, but I'm learning to break that habit. It's a tiny shift.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Instead of saying, I always self-sabotage, hey, I self-sabotaged in the past before, but I'm learning to break that habit. I'm getting better. I'm evolving. Suddenly, There's a little bit of space for change. There's a little bit of space for you to evolve and get better versus stay stuck.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And these small tweaks in how you talk to yourself or you talk about yourself can make a huge difference in your life. They make a difference in what you believe. They make a difference in what you feel. They make a difference in what you actually perceive when you look out into the world. and what you ultimately are going to or not going to create in your life.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And if you're out there and you want to learn how to reprogram yourself and create a routine to do so every single morning to get into your subconscious and reprogram yourself the way that you want to reprogram yourself, you can download my free morning priming routine. If you go to morningpriming.com, once again, morningpriming.com, and you can get it for free.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And so your words matter a lot more than you think that they do. Whenever I'm on a Zoom call and I'm running a live or I'm in person with people and somebody says something, sometimes what I'll do is I'll just stop in the middle of the sentence. I'm like, hold on. I just want to reflect what you just said. Do you want to keep reminding yourself about this?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Do you want to keep believing yourself, believing that that's who you are, or do you want to shift it? And they're like, oh, I want to shift it. Okay, so what would be a better way of saying what you just said? Because your brain is always listening, even to yourself. And so you've got to be very, very careful with your words.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And you also have to be very careful when you start using words that are like absolute words. One of the things I hear people say a lot is always, I always do this or never, I never do that. Or they speak to someone that they love and say, you never do this. When you say always or never or words that are like that, you lock yourself in to an identity that leaves no room for change.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
When you say it to somebody else, you lock them into an identity that leaves no room for change. So the other day I was on a live and someone said, I always self-sabotage. And I was like, always? You're telling me 100% of the time, all of the time you always self-sabotage? And they're like, well, no, I mean, not always. Okay, well, then you can't say I always self-sabotage.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
You've got to be careful with those words. I never wake up on time. Never, never in the history... You know, you're 41 years old. You've never woken up on time in your entire life. Well, you know, I wake up on time sometimes. Okay, well, then stop saying that shit to yourself. You know, if somebody says something like... I'm always terrible with relationships.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
That's one that I hear a lot from people. Your brain hears it and says, okay, well, there's no point in trying to improve or you're always terrible at relationships. So, you know, there's no point in getting to another one because they're just going to turn into another failure. So let me just keep self-sabotaging you.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
If you say something like I'll never be successful, your brain responds and says, well, if that's the case, why even try to put any effort towards, you know, growing this business? I'll always be overweight. Well, if that's the case, your brain just sits there and says, well, then let's not even eat healthy. Let's not even go to the gym because why put in any effort? It doesn't make any sense.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
But when you shift your words and you shift what you say, you shift your focus. And if you say something like, I've struggled in relationships in the past, but I'm learning how to communicate better. Well, now you leave some space for opportunity. Your brain thinks, ah, We're not stuck. We're working on this. Okay, progress, not perfection. That's good.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Or if you say something like, success has been challenging for me, but I'm figuring out what works, your mind starts looking for solutions instead of trying to look for all of the roadblocks. So your brain thinks, oh, I'm getting better every day. Like we're working on ourself. That's a good thing. Versus like we're stuck, we're never gonna change.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And so you've gotta break the trap of like always and never. When you say those words, they're dangerous because they paint a picture of your identity of who you think you are as fixed. When in reality, you're this being that's constantly evolving all the time. And so next time you catch yourself using absolute language, you need to challenge yourself. You need to challenge yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Today, we're gonna be talking about the power of the words that you use, the words that you use and you speak, but also the words that you use inside of your own head, because small shifts in your language actually shape your reality. And I'm curious, have you ever caught yourself saying something like, oh, I'm just so lazy, or I always mess things up, or I can never do this right?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Pretty much every single time people go, well, it's not 100%, but you know, it's a lot. Okay, well, then ask yourself the question, would I say this to a friend that I care about? And if not, how can I say this in a way, how can I reframe this in a way that allows for some sort of growth? So let me give you a couple of examples.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
If someone says something like, I always procrastinate, you would change it to something like, I've procrastinated in the past, but I'm getting better. See, it's a tiny shift. It doesn't seem like much, but it is a lot. I never follow through. Okay, you could say something like following through has been a challenge for me in the past, but I'm improving.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
It's a tiny shift, but do you see the difference? The first version reinforces a limiting identity of yourself. And the second leaves room for you to evolve. And the thing that's interesting about language is that language shapes your focus. So we can't focus on every single thing that's happening around us, but what we say and what we think shapes what we focus on.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Your brain is like a heat-seeking missile. It locks in to whichever thing in this world that you tell it to. Whatever you tell it to focus on, your brain's gonna focus on. Whatever you tell it, it's gonna search through your entire past and find all of the pieces of data to prove what you just said true. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And so if you keep reinforcing the idea that you're lazy or that you're always behind or that you'll never be in a good relationship or that you'll always be overweight, your mind will look for all of the evidence in the world to support that. And I've given this example before in the podcast, but I think it's really important for people to understand. If you go into Google,
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
and you type right now, is coffee bad for your eyesight? There's a bunch of articles, there's a bunch of studies that prove, quote unquote, that coffee is bad for your eyesight. But if you go into Google and type, is coffee good for your eyesight? There are articles and studies that prove that coffee is good for your eyesight. Which one's the truth?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Well, whichever one you decide to focus on, I guess. And so your brain is kind of like cosmic Google. It's like sitting down at the computer and saying, I always ruin my relationships. Well, then it's gonna find all of the moments in your entire life where you've ruined relationships or messed up in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
versus sitting down and saying, you know, I've messed up in relationships in the past, but I've also done really good things in relationships. Well, then it's going to find all of the things that you did good in the relationship. The surprises, the time that you took your wife on, you know, vacation when she didn't realize it was going to be coming up.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And so your brain's going to search for whatever you talk about. Your words create your mental focus on yourself, on your world, on other people. You know, I was running a Zoom this week, two weeks ago, in Mindset 2.0, which is a 12-week course that I have. And one of the ladies said, Rob, I'm just struggling because I don't trust myself.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
So her words that she said out loud and what she was focusing on was not trusting herself. I was like, okay, well, why don't you trust yourself? She said, well, and then she started giving me all of the reasons why she shouldn't trust herself. Well, I was an alcoholic and this happened and this happened. And six years ago, I went through a divorce and this happened and this happened.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
I said, okay, hey, I'm just curious. Is there anything that you've ever done in the past that can show you that you can trust yourself? And I always thought she might just give me a couple of small things, right? And she's like, well, you know, I used to be an alcoholic and I've been sober for 23 years. And another thing is I lost 120 pounds a couple of years ago and I've kept it off for years.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
If you've ever said something like that, it might seem like it's just a harmless thing that you say, But here's the deal, and this is what you really need to understand, and this might really blow some minds out there, but your words don't just describe your reality. They actually create your reality.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And I'm like, holy shit. You say you can't trust yourself, but you just told me you've been sober for 23 years. Do you know how hard that is for people? Would you trust somebody who's been sober for 23 years who can hold off an addiction? That's an amazing thing. You lost 120 pounds? You realize how many people want to lose five pounds and can't?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And I was like, and as I said it, like she started lighting up like, oh my God, I'm looking at the wrong perspective. And so I said, do you see that you can trust yourself? And she's like, oh my God, I can see that I can't trust myself, but I was looking at the wrong thing. And it's because she had this identity, this narrative, I can't trust myself.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Her brain was looking for all of the reasons why she couldn't trust herself. And when I said, are there any reasons you could trust yourself? Her brain immediately went and brought up all of the reasons in her past why she could trust herself. And so your brain will find and focus on whatever you tell it to search for. If you search for I can't trust myself, it will find it.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
If you search for I can trust myself, it will find it. So let me give you like a couple other examples, right? Let's say that you're a person who struggles with self-discipline. I hear this a lot. People say something like, you know, Rob, like I'm just lazy. I never follow through on anything. And I always find a reason or an excuse to procrastinate.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And if they say that, that's going to shape their reality. That's what they actually think about themselves. And that's going to shape the actions that they take in the future and the results that they're going to get in the future of their life. And so they label themselves as lazy, which means that they stop trying to change.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
They ignore past times where they did follow through so that they can reinforce a negative belief. And more than anything else, they start to feel hopeless, which makes it even harder to take action. So you see how that perspective is really not helping them in any sort of way. And what they miss out on is everybody struggles with self-discipline at times. There's no perfect person like everybody.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
I would say pretty much everybody would rather be chilling on their couch or in their backyard or drinking coffee than having to get up and go do stuff and work and build a business or whatever it might be. And so they think, Oh, I'm the only one that does this. I just struggle with this. No, everyone struggles with self-discipline at different times. It's not a fixed trait.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And motivation comes from action. not the other way around. So maybe it's just about getting a little bit of momentum on your side. And then if they could start looking at just tiny little daily habits they can change, it will help build momentum over time as well.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And so maybe a more empowering reframe for them would be something like, I've struggled with consistency in the past, but I am working on building better habits. I don't have to be perfect. And all of these small steps are going to add up over time, right? That's just a simple reframe that they could use. So the way that we talk to ourselves isn't just a reflection of what is happening.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
A lot of times we think we're just describing what's happened in the past, but when we describe what's happened in the past and we say, this is who I am, well, then they're going to create the future that you walk into. And the way that you speak about yourself programs your brain to see the world a certain way.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
It actually creates what we experience in the world. Another example would be, let's say that you're somebody or you know somebody who says they feel unlucky with love or they're not really good in relationships or they've struggled to find the right guy. And so they speak and they say stuff to themselves like, I always attract the wrong people. I always attract the wrong guy.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
There's no one good for me out there. Relationships don't work for me. And so they have this focus of like, I always attract the wrong people, okay? There's no good people out there. There's no good guys out there, good women out there, whatever they say. And relationships just don't work for me. Well, then what's the point? Like you've just closed yourself off completely.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And so how it shapes the reality is now they expect to fail before they ever even go into a relationship. So they could be single right now. And they just think, well, next time I'm in a relationship, it's probably going to fail, which makes them closed off possibly to potential partners as they come in.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
When they do get into a relationship, they might dismiss red flags or push away healthy connections because they just assume it won't work. It doesn't feel normal for them compared to all of their past relationships. It doesn't line up with the way, oh my God, this person's too healed. This person's too healthy. They love me too much.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
I need to get out of here because this doesn't line up with the way that I see the world. And then they just get trapped in the same patterns because they don't believe that change is possible in their life because of their perspective.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And so what they miss out on, the past experiences that they've had in relationships have nothing to do with the future person that you're going to get into a relationship with. People think that it does, it doesn't. And so you have to understand, you become more self-aware and you grow in every single relationship. They're going to miss out on that as well.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
And so maybe a more empowering reframe would be, hey, yeah, I've had challenging relationships in the past. But I'm learning through every relationship how I want to show up in the relationship. And I'm also learning what I want from a relationship. There are good people out there and I can build a healthy and fulfilling and loving connection with somebody. I just need to go out and find them.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
You see how that opens up possibility, opens up opportunity versus like slamming the door shut. And so your thoughts and your words shape your entire reality. Every time that you describe yourself, you're reinforcing an idea about yourself. It's not absolute truth. I want you to realize that. It's not written into the fabric of the universe that who you think you are is actually who you are.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
If I were to ask everybody who knows you about you, they'd probably describe you differently. Each person would describe you differently than you describe yourself. And they would each describe you differently than every other person who describes you, which means who the hell are you in the first place?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
So if I'm going to reinforce some sort of idea about myself, wouldn't I want to reinforce an idea that I actually think is going to be conducive to help me grow my life and become better? your identity is going to reinforce what you are, what you think that you are. So are you reinforcing a positive identity or are you just digging yourself a hole that's deeper, keeping yourself more stuck?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
So if you're the type of person that says, I always self-sabotage, your mind takes that as a law and reinforces those patterns that keep you stuck. And so when you say something like that, you have to understand your mind doesn't know the difference between you're joking or you're telling the truth. So it just stores everything is true.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Words
If you see yourself as someone who never sticks to things, you'll unconsciously make choices that reinforce that belief over and over and over again. But if you see yourself as, you know what? I'm somebody who has struggled in the past, and I'm learning and getting better at following through. Well, now you'll start to see and act in ways that support your new identity.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Chronic stress can lead to a lot of things. It can lead to high cortisol levels. Cortisol is your stress hormone. Your body stays in like danger mode, like you're getting attacked or you're about to get attacked, which can lead to fatigue, brain fog, poor sleep. You can get adrenal burnout. You know, your stress hormones get so overworked that they don't function as properly as they should.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Then you can have this hypervigilance in the background where your body never fully relaxes, even during the downtime. Sometimes I see people and they're sitting there and they're trying to relax, but their shoulders and their eyebrows and their face and just everything's so tense and they're trying to relax, but their body's just on guard all the time. And so how do you fix these things?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Well, I'm going to go back to one thing I give you tips on all the time. Breathe deeper. long exhales tell your nervous system it's okay to relax. That's why I always say breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Your exhale is longer than your inhale. Your inhale is long, but your exhale is longer. And the reason why is because it allows you to release some stress.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And so when you inhale for a long time, you exhale for a long time, it tells your nervous system like, hey, relax. Because when you're running from a bear, you're not going... right? Like if you're on a run, it's... And so that right there is how a lot of people live their day. And so if you breathe deeply, you're telling your nervous system, hey, there's no reason to be on fight or flight.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
The children didn't wake me up. I had all of the great nutrition, I had my coffee, and then just no matter what, still you just don't feel it physically. Like you ever feel completely wiped out even though everything else seems completely perfect? Have you ever felt that maybe it might be mental fatigue? So exhaustion comes from many different forms, but it can also come from decision overload.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
We can chill out. Another thing I really recommend, and I said a few minutes ago, go on a walk, get in nature. Studies have shown over and over again that nature reduces cortisol and restores your energy. And there's, I think it's in Japan, they recommend, one of the things that they recommend is just going on a walk in nature. And I think they call it forest bathing.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
So just, you know, bathe in the forest, be there. It calms you down. Another thing I just think is really important for a lot of people is just I've had to kind of brainwash myself into doing this and it's to slow down. Like you're not a machine. You're not supposed to be going all the time. Productivity is not your only value in the world. And so just learn to slow down.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And so if you're always tired, your body isn't just begging you for more sleep or better nutrition. It's asking you for just a different way of living. You don't need to take another nap. You need more mental space, more emotional release, more things that make you feel alive. You need to calm your nervous system down. You need to connect with yourself a little bit more.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
So before you reach for like another coffee, any of that, figure out another book that you need to read on sleep, just ask yourself, what am I actually tired of? Because fixing that can give you more energy sometimes than sleep. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a big, big favor. Share it on your Instagram stories.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So if you would share it, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Having to constantly be thinking and prepping for what's next. Constant problem solving. All of this information being bombarded by it every single day, all day long. And if you're not 100% sure that mental fatigue is possible, professional chess players can burn around 6,000 calories a day. And all they do... is sit in their chair.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And the reason why is because they're sitting there and they're mentally moving all of the chess pieces and thinking 10 steps ahead. They can burn 6,000 calories a day just by thinking. That's three times more than the average person usually eats in a day. The reason why you want to think of it as kind of like to make it easy is think about your cell phone, right?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
You wake up in the morning, you had it plugged in all night, and you're at 100%. Your brain is the exact same way as that battery in your phone. Every thought that you have, every decision that you have to make, every distraction that pulls you away from what you were just doing, all of the multitasking that you're doing, all of that pulls away from your energy reserves.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
It drains your battery in some sort of way. And so decision fatigue is really important to look at. Did you know that the average person, I'll just ask you, how many decisions do you think the average person makes in a day? Just say the number out loud to yourself. How many decisions do you think the average person makes in a day? The average person makes about 35,000 decisions per day.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And these can be small choices, they can be big choices. It could be stuff like what to eat, what to wear, how to word an email, when to turn in your car on the way to work, and all of these little tiny decisions add up. If your day is packed with choices and decisions, you're leaking energy constantly. So that's one thing is you're making a lot of decisions possibly.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
The next thing you want to think about that happens to deal with this is overstimulation. We consume more information in a day than people did in a month 100 years ago. If you think about All of the information, all of the things trying to pull your energy from Facebook, from Instagram, from TikTok, from YouTube, from Reddit.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
It's a lesson that teaches you how to do a morning priming technique that you set up for yourself. And if you want to get that absolutely free, you can go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com. You can download it for free. Today, we're going to be talking about why you're always tired. And let's be real. Sure, there's sleep and there's caffeine and there's nutrition.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Some of you listening to this podcast episode checked your Facebook, your Instagram, your TikTok, your YouTube, and your Reddit before you even brush your teeth. That's crazy. And then you checked your text messages and your emails. Your brain was not designed for all of this. And your brain, just so you know, you're not passively just looking.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
You're not just passively like your brain just turns off and you're just scrolling with your phone. No, your brain is actively processing every single moment. So even when you think you're just sitting down and relaxing on the couch by just scrolling, your mind is constantly working.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
So it's constantly being bombarded by all of the videos and all of the things that you read and all of the people who are fighting with each other in the comments section. And so how do you fix this? Well, what I would recommend is that you simplify your daily choices.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Plan out your outfits, prep your meals, create routines that are important for you just to reduce as much decision making as possible. I remember reading an article about three years ago that says that Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon, only makes about three decisions a day at work. That's it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
He says, I want to make three decisions, but I want them to be the three most important decisions I can make today. And so what I would recommend is how can you have less decisions you have to make? Another thing that will really help you out is start getting used to taking micro breaks throughout the day.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Every 90 minutes or so, step away from all of the screens that you have and give your brain a rest. Just a real quick reset. It's kind of like if you were just to plug your phone back in for five minutes and you get an extra 10%. That's the way you want to think about it. Even if it's just a few minutes of stillness. I recommend... At minimum, doing two minutes of breathing.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Here's a really simple two minutes of breathing. You do four seconds in the nose, eight seconds out of the mouth. So four seconds in, eight seconds out of the mouth. You do that 10 times and you've got about two minutes of breathing. That alone will reset you and make you feel a lot more relaxed and kind of give your brain just the quick rest that it needs.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
You don't always have to be connected all the time. I promise you, if you take a five-minute break, the world is not going to crumble. So limit your screen time. Also limit your screen time before bed. The blue light, all of the information overload makes it harder for your brain to slow down and properly recharge as well. So that's the first thing that's really, really big for people.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
I want you to realize it's taking a lot of your energy throughout the day as you have a lot of mental fatigue. The second thing that's taking a lot from you, Emotional exhaustion. Sometimes it's not your body that's tired. It's like... Without this sounding weird and woo-woo, it's like your soul is tired. Like your soul is just like, dude, can you take a break, please? Right?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
So it's like emotional exhaustion happens when you're caring too much and you have too much worry. You have too many fears. You have too many limiting beliefs. You have too much responsibility. You have too much pretending that you're fine when you're around other people when you're not. And so when you look at emotional burnout, it can show up in many different ways.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Like it can show up in the feeling of just feeling numb. Like I remember years ago before when I was, last time I was working for someone else, I was like going through the motions and I just felt like numb. Nothing really excited me anymore. I became really pessimistic.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
There's all of those things. But this episode is not going to be about any of those. Being tired all of the time is is not just about getting enough sleep. You can sleep for eight hours, you can eat healthy, you can drink all the water, and you can still feel completely drained by noon every single day. Why?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
I was just like going through the motions and it felt like the easiest way to describe is it felt like the saturation had been taken out of the world and I was just kind of operating. I was just kind of doing it. And I remember my girlfriend at the time, wife now, was like, hey, you seem different. Like, are you starting to get depressed?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And once I knew that somebody else had seen it, I was like, oof, okay, something's happened and I need to make a change. So maybe you feel numb. Maybe you're constantly irritable. You know, small things just really set you off because maybe you just have no more emotional bandwidth left.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Maybe you're dread like even the simplest, smallest of tasks, like everyday simple responsibilities, like just having to take the trash out feel overwhelming because you're so emotionally spent that even just taking the trash out feels like a lot. So you're so drained internally that it's hard for you to find any energy to do outside in the external world.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
So it's like your internal world is so drained They're like, oh my God, I got to take out the trash. I got to do the dishes. Like those types of things just feel like so much for us to do. And so, you know, common causes of where this comes from, if you're a really big people pleaser, if you're constantly putting other people first, you deplete all of your own emotional reserves.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Well, yeah, that's going to drain you a lot. If you have a lot of emotions, grief, anger, sadness that you haven't been releasing, maybe you're suppressing a lot of emotions for years. Bottling up your emotions doesn't make them go away. They just pile up. And every time they pile up, it's like another thing that's just running in the background. So maybe you're suppressing your emotions. Maybe.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And we will be right back. And now back to the show. Maybe you're in toxic environments. Being around negativity can do this to you. The news, please turn that shit off. It's gotten so bad recently. Social media, please get off of it for a long time if you can. Spend less time on it. And if you're gonna spend time on social media, unfollow like 90% of the people that you follow now. right?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Who can you get off of your social media? Follow people that make you feel good. They make you excited about the world. They aren't putting a bunch of negative stuff and fighting in the comments with other people. Also, there's toxic relationships. Who should you unfollow in real life? All of these things drain you when you don't really realize it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
There's a lot of mental processing that's going on in the background. You think about how to deal with the news and how to deal with all of the people online and how to deal with all of your toxic relationships. You know, when you look at like a lot of the comments on social media now, Instagram, Facebook, Reddit, a lot of them are bots just designed to stress you out.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
So just disconnect from them already, spend less time in it. And so how do you fix all of this? First thing is learn to set boundaries. If saying yes to others means saying no to yourself, then it's time for you to start protecting your energy. So set some boundaries with other people, set some boundaries with your people-pleasing. Start practicing more emotional releasing.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
You can journal, you can talk to a friend, you can cry, you can scream into a pillow. Just get it out instead of holding it in so much. You can go on a walk, like get out into the world. Stop being inside all the time.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
It's crazy like when you're on your phone and you're inside all day long and you're on social media and everything's like doom and gloom and then you walk outside and it's sunny and everything's peaceful and you're like, wait, this isn't really reflecting what it looks like when I'm on my phone all day long.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Because when you look at exhaustion, it runs deeper than just your bedtime routine, what time you wake up, what you're eating. All of those are important, don't get me wrong, for energy. But it goes much deeper than that. And that's what we're gonna dive into today. We're gonna dive deeper than just sleep and nutrition and caffeine.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
So get away from your phone, go on a walk, be outside, get some sun on your skin and do like an energy audit. Who and what in your life trains you? Make a massive list of all of the people and all of the things that drain you in your life. And then who and what in your life fuels you? Make a massive list of all of the people and all the things that fuel you.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And then just adjust your life accordingly. Okay, so that's number two. The third thing that will really drain you a lot, which this is a really, really big one for a lot of people that I found, is that there's a lack of purpose in your life. There's a kind of tired that sleep can't fix, right? And it's this exhaustion of not feeling fully alive.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
If you wake up every morning and you feel like you're just going through the motions, your soul's running on empty. This is another thing that I was feeling when my girlfriend at the time came up to me and was like, are you starting to get depressed? I was like... I'm fast forwarding. I'm looking at what I do in my life. I'm looking at my job.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
I'm looking at... If I fast forward five years and I have my manager's job, I'll hate my life. So what am I working towards? What am I doing? I feel like there was this lack of purpose before I started this podcast. And so... Maybe you're just stuck in these repetitive routines without any real growth. My very first mentor used to always say, you're either green and growing or brown and dying.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Humans want to progress. Progress equals happiness, as Tony Robbins always says. So if we don't feel like we're progressing, we want to grow. We don't feel really good if we don't feel like we're growing. So if every day feels like it's the same, your brain just kind of disengages. And so you might not be busy, like constantly go, go, go. but you're just tired of all the same old shit.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And so maybe you need to do something that's passionate, something that you love. Maybe you don't know what you love. Maybe you don't know your passion. Well, you need to figure out what it is because when you're excited about something, you could stay up all night doing it and still feel energized.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to brainwash yourself to be successful, to get into your subconscious, to create the life that you want, to believe in yourself, I just created a video.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
So if you don't have any passion, you could be really well rested and your body still feels like it's sluggish. Don't underestimate how much energy it takes to go to a job that you don't enjoy. Like I coach business owners and I coach business owners on their mindset because if I can help somebody's mindset as a business owner, it always translates to their business.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
You know, like 95% of businesses go out of business in the first five to 10 years. It's usually not the business. It's usually not the industry. It's the mindset of the business owner. And so with so many people that want to start a business, they're like, but... It's just going to take so much energy. It's going to take so much work.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And I'm like, do you know how much energy it takes to get yourself up at 7 a.m. every single morning to go to a job that you hate, wash your body, put on clothes, drive to a job that you hate, be there for eight hours, drive home, be in traffic again, and think to yourself, oh my God, I've got to do it tomorrow and for the next 30 years. That takes up so much mental energy.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And so you know that you have this potential inside of you, like you know that you wanna do more, you wanna bring more potential out. And there's a part of you that knows that you're meant for more. And if you keep ignoring that voice, it creates this subtle exhaustion that builds up. It's that voice that whispers like, hey, this isn't it, like do something different.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And so what I recommend is just shake things up, change something, stop doing the same thing every single day, take a different route to work, try different morning habits, You know, do something different on your weekends. Go to a place you've never been before. Find a new hobby. Do something you've never done and you've always wanted to do. Reconnect with things that excite you.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
And I'm gonna go over four reasons why you are always tired, okay? The first one, mental fatigue. Mental fatigue is the silent energy killer throughout your entire day. Have you ever noticed that sometimes you can have great sleep? You can feel good. You can be, you know, feel like I just got a whole bunch of sleep. Everything's good. Nothing's wrong. I didn't wake up.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
When was the last time that you did something just for fun, like just for the hell of it? Not I have to be productive, not I have to make money, not I have to get some specific outcome, but you just do it just because. When was the last time you've done that? It's time for you to find your passion. And your passion doesn't always have to be your paycheck.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
It can just be something that you enjoy spending your time doing. That's one thing that you have to understand. You don't have to become rich with your passion. It could just be something that you enjoy doing on your time off. And so... Stop limiting yourself so much. Ask yourself bigger questions like, what really makes me feel alive?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
If you don't know, then you need to make it your mission to figure out what it is. And so that's the third thing. And then the fourth thing, which is really underestimated, is that your nervous system might be in fight or flight all the time. Your body was built for short bursts of stress. A tiger comes running at you, stress, cortisol, adrenaline, run, and then release.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
That's what a short burst of stress looks like. Not to be in constant survival mode. Stress is not a bad thing. Stress is a really good thing. Chronic stress is a bad thing. And modern life can keep you chronically on edge. Emails and deadlines and money worries and relationship stress and all of the stuff that's happening in the world and doom and gloom and all of that stuff.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You’re Always Tired (It’s Not Sleep)
Like your nervous system never really gets a break if you're constantly on high alert all the time, which can lead to really deep exhaustion. Like your nervous system, your body is like, please, dude, give me a freaking break. Like just go sit by a pool for a couple hours and just close your eyes and listen to some music, do some breathing and get some sun in your skin. And so...
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Whenever I ask people and I get on a live and it's a Zoom call with 2,000 people, I'm like, what's your number one fear that's holding you back from creating the life that you want? 90% of them at least is the fear of failure. And they think they're afraid of failing, but they're not afraid of failing. And that's what we're going to talk about. Here's the... the whole kicker to all of this.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Don't mess it up. That mindset of, I don't want to mess up. I want to make sure I do it right the first time. Whatever it might be is the worst thing that you can do for yourself in trying to become successful or trying to build an amazing life or trying to bring out your full potential. And I'm going to I'm going to share a story with you that really changed my mindset on this.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
A couple of years ago, I was working on becoming a pilot and I was getting my pilot's license. And that alone is a journey, right? It's an entire journey. You're going to notice all of your fears, all of your limiting beliefs. And one day... My instructor is named Steven, who's an incredible pilot. He's got like 50,000 hours in a plane. He retired from UPS. He was there for 32 years.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
He was the head of teaching in UPS. And he taught in all of the pilots that came through and safety and all this stuff. And what we do a lot is we practice landings. And so we'll go to an airport and we'll land and then take off, go back in the pattern, land and take off. We'll do four, five, six, seven at a time. And normally, like I'm pretty good at it. Like I'm really good at landing.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
But one day we flew to a different airport and the airport was just way different than the other one that I was used to. So it was a shorter runway. So instead of it being 7,000 feet, This one was only 3,500 feet. So 3,500 feet was half the distance, like the length of it. It was also narrower. So instead of a hundred feet wide, it was 34 feet wide.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
So this thing looks completely different in the air looking down than the other one did. And the biggest piece of the whole thing was this airport was built on a hill, meaning that I was not landing flat. I was actually landing uphill. So let me tell you about this. We're coming up to this airport. The approach was good. I lined up the approach. It felt really good.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
And then we were coming down and because I wasn't used to just being on a flat landing and I was used to being on a flat landing, this one was uphill. I just like botched the landing completely, like nothing dangerous. It was just ugly. And, you know, so no big deal. We end up taking back off and doing this thing that's called a go round.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
And a go round just means, hey, we're going to go back around and we're going to try it again. And I was kind of pissed because like, I don't like screwing up. I don't like quote unquote failing. But Steven, my instructor, he looked at me and he said something that I'll never forget. He said, that was perfect.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
He's like, you have to screw these up now and then because you need to know what to do when I'm not here. And it was like, for me, it was like a very jarring moment because, you know, botched the landing, had to go around. It's scary. And for him, he was like, no big deal. He's done this so many times. He's like, that was perfect.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
You have to screw up these landings so that you know what to do and I'm not here. And you can't get a perfect landing if you haven't had some imperfect landings. And so this is like the golden rule of learning. Like you have to mess up. And this is why failing is so important. Quote unquote failing is so important for growth, but also to create the life that you want. So let's break this all down.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Today, we're going to be talking about failure and how to overcome failure. Let's get real. One of the biggest roadblocks between you and the life that you want, everything that you want, is your fear of screwing up. Your fear, that deep, nagging fear of failure. And it's keeping you stuck in some sort of way. And so what does this look like?
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
When you make mistakes, I wanna actually tell you why this is so important in the actual psychology and the science and the neurology of failure, okay? Every time you screw up, your brain releases something that's called epinephrine. And epinephrine is just adrenaline that's inside of your brain.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
So when you screw something up, when I botched that landing and now I've got to go back around, it releases epinephrine. And this chemical basically is saying, pay attention, buddy. This is really important right now. And so it primes your brain to be even more focused So that your brain can learn faster the next time around.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
So we do the go around and we come back around and the landing was pretty good after that one. And I was so much more focused and it felt better. And you have to think about this. The reason I've been trying to think about this in my head of like, why would our brain focus more after screwing up? Why would our brain release epinephrine adrenaline after we screw something up? And I thought about it.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
I was like, well, maybe if we're in the wild, let's say we're tribal people 200,000 years ago, and you and I are hunting an animal and we've been tracking this thing for hours and we haven't eaten in two days and we miss a shot at that animal, that mistake really matters.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
And so your body and your brain kick into overdrive and it's like, hey, we need to get laser focused for this next attempt because it really matters. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. And so mistakes actually rewire your brain. For me, the one thing that I notice is after every single flight that I have with my flight instructor,
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
I have to drive home with no music on because it's too much. My brain feels like it's really actually repatterning itself. It's way different than driving a car or doing anything else. It's just, there's so many other things and it's my brain's replaying all of the errors and it's adjusting just like it's this mental flight simulator. And every time I go flying with him, the nights,
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Those nights after, I sleep like a baby. It's like my brain has to rewire itself in those moments. And so mistakes are really important in these situations. And mistakes are really important for you to, I guess you could say, accept to beat your perfectionism. Because imperfect action is always better than no action at all.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Most people who are perfectionists are not taking any action towards what it is that they want because they're waiting for, quote unquote, the perfect time. Imperfect, quote unquote, perfect waste time. Messing up is what teaches you how to get better faster. And so why are we so afraid to fail? Like I really want to call out the elephant in the room here. Why are so many people afraid of failure?
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Why are we afraid of failure? The elephant in the room is not the fear of failure. It's the fear of judgment. You worry that people will think that you're incompetent. You worry that people are thinking you're going to stupid. You think that you're stupid.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
You're worried that people are going to give you their opinions and they're going to shame you and they're going to make fun of you or whatever it might be that you put in your head. You imagine these worst case scenarios that almost never happen. But the truth is most people are too busy to even pay attention to you. And that's for all of us. Most people are not paying attention to me.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
They're too busy thinking about themselves to even pay attention to me. They're too busy with their own insecurities. They're too busy thinking about their own failures and things that they're afraid of, to even notice us. And so that's why it's important for us to realize That more than anything else, it's not about us trying to be perfect. It's not about us trying to get away from failure.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
It's not about us trying to fear failure. It's about us accepting it as like the most important part of success, in my opinion. Like you cannot have success without failure. You cannot have failure without success. There are two sides to the same coin. And so what can we do to kind of have ourself get a little bit more used to it?
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Maybe you hold yourself back because you don't want to make mistakes. And you chase perfectionism, quote unquote, and say you're a perfectionist like it's some badge of honor. Like you should just be wearing a shirt that says, look at me, I'm a perfectionist. Or maybe... You're just scared that somebody will judge you if you mess up. You're scared of other people's opinions.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Because it's kind of the way I find failure and getting used to failure and getting used to screwing up is that you kind of got to start small. You got to dip your toes in the water. And so what I would recommend is like fail small, pick something like really low stakes and just screw it up on purpose and realize it's not that big of a deal. Try a new hobby.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Go pick up basketball and look like an idiot. And then go to a gym that you've never been to before and you'll never go again. You'll never see those people ever again in your entire life. Go play pickleball at some place you've never been to and look like an idiot. And then you'll never see them ever again as well. Who cares? Go screw it up. Test something that you're curious about.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
And then what I want you to do is I want you to start thinking about reframing mistakes as instead of them being failures as being data. The only time you actually fail, in my opinion, is when you give up on something. And so if you see a mistake, that's just a data point.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
So instead of seeing failure as a mistake as failure, I guess you could say, use it as this reflection of this is information for me. This is information that I need. I need to know how to not do something in order to learn how to do something. And so with each time that you have a mistake, you just need to ask yourself, what can I learn from this?
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
So in that situation where I just completely botched the landing, Why don't I look at that and go, okay, what did I screw up? And then, you know, while I'm going around the pattern, he'll say, hey, this is what happened here. This is what happened here. You needed to pull the throttle earlier.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
You need to make sure that you're pulling the throttle earlier so that you're kind of stalling right above the ground. But then also you gotta make sure that you're pulling back on the yoke so that therefore, you know, you're not just gonna slam into the ground. You gotta kind of let, it's an interesting thing that people don't realize about landing a plane.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
You just kind of let the plane fall out of the sky. You just gotta get better at making it fall better, I guess you could say. And you gotta get comfortable with allowing yourself to screw up into sometimes you need a second try, sometimes you need a third try. It's not failure, it's recalibrating. And that's what's really important.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
welcome to today's episode of the mindset mentor podcast i'm your host rob dial if you have not yet done so hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode if you're out there and you live in the united states or canada and you want to get some inspirational mindset text messages from me directly to your phone text me right now 512-580-9305 once again 512-580-9305
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
So you have to understand it's not just failure, it's recalibrating. And there's one really big difference that I've noticed as I've gotten older and people that I've hung around, there's a big difference between people who are just kind of like average people in life, where there's nothing wrong with, but they just have average lives.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
or people who hold themselves back in many ways versus people who are, I guess you could say massively influential in this world. People who you might look up to and people who might have lives that you want. Successful business people, successful athletes, successful actors, actresses, philanthropists, whatever they might be.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
The one thing that I've learned from really, really successful people in many aspects of success is whether they're friends, mentors, people that have been watching from afar, is that the most successful people don't try to avoid failure. They try to go head first at failure. It's not that they try to avoid it at all. It's that they try to fail as fast as possible.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
And that's not like a, hey, I'm just going to tell you something motivational. I've seen people who are like, I want to screw up as much as I possibly can. And they fail as often as they possibly can because they realize with every single failure that they have, they're finding the route that doesn't get them to where they want to go.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
And they will then get to their success that they've been looking for even faster. And so I want you to think about this because I talk about failure a lot with different groups that I coach and Zooms that I'll run and when I speak on stages and stuff. You can look, like if you're in a marriage right now, I'm married, I've been with my wife for 11 years now.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
I can look back at all of my past relationships before my wife and I can say all of those relationships were fails. Like I failed in all those relationships, we failed, there were failed relationships. But I don't see them that way. All of them gave me knowledge that I needed
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
And so you're like, I'm just going to hold myself back because if I do go out there and do the thing that I want and I do screw up in some sort of way, I'm going to hear people's judgments. I'm going to hear people's opinions. And that makes me feel worse about myself. So I'm just going to stay quiet and stay in the background. Does this sound familiar? I hear it all the time.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
to know what I wanted in a relationship, but also know what I didn't want in a relationship, and also know how I should be and how I shouldn't be in a relationship. So those weren't failed relationships. They were relationships that prepped me for the current relationship that I'm in. So I can't look at those as failures, and I don't look at any of them as failures.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
They're just relationships that I had prior to my wife. I can also look at business as well. Like now I have a business that is the most successful business I've ever had. And we have 40 employees and we're doing great and we're growing and we're hiring and all of that is amazing. Before though, I've had multiple failed businesses, quote unquote, failed businesses.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
But I can look at them and be like, yeah, I screwed up those businesses and I was so bad and all that. But really what I do is I like to look at those businesses and say, I could not have the business that I have now unless I failed at business number one and business number two.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
I could not be the leader that I have now without having, quote unquote, failed at business number one and business number two before then. It gave me the knowledge, both of those, the relationships, the businesses, everything I've done before in the past has given me the knowledge that I needed to become better in the future.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
And so it's really important to understand this is that with every single mistake that we have, we've got to ask ourselves, how can I learn from this? We can't be afraid of failing. We can't be afraid of other people's opinions. We can't be afraid of that. And this is one of the things that I've really made a big difference with in my coaching and my training.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
I train a lot of people who are coaches and growing their online coaching businesses. I use this in my business all the time. I tell my students, the very first video that they watch when they join my program is the very first thing that I talk about is like the commandments of growing an online coaching business. And number one is fuck it up and figure it out. I take that approach in business.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
I take that approach in life. I take that approach in everything that I do. And it was really cool to go up in a plane with my flight instructor and for him to be like, you have to mess up because that's the only way that you're going to get better. And I say this to people all the time. And I think it's really important for you to understand as well.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
If you're afraid of failure, if you're trying to avoid failure, you will not get the life that you want because failure is a massive, massive part of success. They are not separate of each other. They are two sides of the same coin. And you've heard me say it many times before, the creator of Honda says success is 99% failure. If you're not trying to fail, you're not trying to succeed.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
And so what I would recommend to you, fail more. Become more comfortable with it. Get exposure therapy. The more that you do it, the less that you really care about quote unquote failure. You see it as a mistake. You see it as a way to learn and a way for you to get better. That's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories.
The Mindset Mentor
How I Overcame My Fear of Failure
Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And once again, if you want to get some inspirational mindset text messages from me, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And then ask yourself the question, what does my inner child want me to rediscover? How will I commit myself to taking the first step towards rediscovering who I truly am? And that's really what I want you to think about is what would it look like for me to just rediscover my inner child, for me to rediscover who I truly am, and then just go on this journey of just self-acceptance.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
The more you accept yourself, the more that you're naturally going to find that, number one, your energy throughout the day is better, life's a little bit easier, and at the same time, self-love just kind of feels more natural. That's all I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And once again, if you want to download my morning priming video lesson, go ahead and go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And the doorway to get there is acceptance. I think that our natural state as a human is love. And that would be for others, but also for ourselves. But we're raised in a society and we're raised with people who, you know, don't have psychology degrees and they don't know about how a child's brain works and all this type of stuff.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
We're kind of raised, and I'm going to talk about today, in a way that... kind of takes us away from our own personal self-love. You know, I don't see a baby walking around with self-love issues. I don't see, when I look at my son, I don't see him struggling with self-love. He's pretty damn happy like 97% of the time. The only time he's not happy is when he's hungry.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
when he's tired or if he shit his pants. That's about it. Other than that, he's happy as hell. So I don't really see babies with self-love issues, which means that lack of self-love is somehow learned along the way.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And if you're out there and you want to brainwash yourself to become the person that you want to be, not who your parents or society or anybody else has told you to be, you can go ahead and download my free video lesson on how to create a morning priming technique to brainwash yourself. Just go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com, and you can download it absolutely free.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
So then let's ask ourselves, if we're not talking about self-love, if we're talking about self-acceptance, and self-acceptance will get us to self-love because self-love and just love in general is probably our natural state, why is it so hard to accept ourselves? Well, this is the thing that I always think about in my head is like, why are we so far off track from where we naturally are?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And I think there's a lot of different things. The first thing is we have all been socialized. And when I say socialized, what I really prefer calling it is domesticated. So the same way you domesticate an animal, you kind of domesticate a child. And I don't mean that's the child's fault. What I mean is that's the parent's fault. So the parents are under pressure.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
All of our parents are under pressure to socialize us. in some sort of way so that we fit in as a normal adult. And so we get socialized so that we fit in. A child does not fit in with normal social constructs. You get that? You ever seen a kid that just decides in the middle of a restaurant they want to scream? They're in a park, they just want to take their clothes off?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
That doesn't fit normal social constructs. So when they do stuff like that, it's like, no, don't do that. And so parents... don't intentionally do this. But here's something that I see. Maybe they do intentionally do it. Some do, but most don't.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
One of the ways that parents will get their child to do what they want is either number one, yelling at them, or number two, emotional rewarding or punishment based on how the child acts. And so I want you to think about your childhood. And also, if you have children, I want you to think about how you raise your children as well.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
A lot of times, if you're good, the parents are like, you get my love. They don't say that directly, but that's kind of the energy that we come at a child with, right? If you're good, you get my love. If you're bad, I remove my love from you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And so a child is just this natural, free-flowing, wild, crazy kid, and they do something that doesn't fit in with society, and the parents will reprimand them.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
The average child is reprimanded eight times more than they're praised throughout their childhood, which means the average child thinks, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, my mom doesn't love me for doing this, whatever it might be, eight times more than they think I'm accepted. So they don't think There's something wrong.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
Like no child is three years old, four years old and thinking to himself, there's something wrong with society. What are they thinking? Okay, I did something. My mom's retracting her love. This is all subconscious. They're not thinking this, you know, logically. I did something. My dad, my mom is pulling their love away from me. There must be something wrong with me.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And so we think, oh, I must be the problem. I have to fix myself. How I naturally am is not good. And so it becomes hard over time for us to accept ourselves. Now, there's no reasoning for the process. A child doesn't understand everything. A child realizes that the way that they naturally are is not acceptable.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
with the average child being reprimanded eight times more than their praise, they're thinking, I'm not good enough the way that I am eight times more than thinking that I'm enough.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And so a child, and I really just want this to kind of hit home so you understand why we have self-love issues, why we have self-acceptance issues, because we were almost taught not to accept ourselves as we truly were so that we would fit in and so that we would get our parents' love. And so the child has to change itself
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
Today, I'm going to be talking about how to be kinder to yourself, how to accept yourself more, how to be more loving to yourself. And one of the things that I hear from people a lot is that people, let me just be real, people are really... kind of mean to themselves. Like a lot of people are such assholes to themselves in their own head. They talk negatively to themselves.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
and has to let go of certain aspects of itself based on what the parents tell them that they should do. All the child cares about, just so you know, is does mom love me? Does my dad love me? And anything that I do that gets that taken away from me must mean that I'm doing something wrong, which means that I am wrong.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
You know, when I'm running around and I'm having fun and I'm screaming in public and my mom yells at me, therefore, that aspect of myself is wrong. And I am not accepted as I naturally am. If I'm not acting right, then I must be wrong. Right? Is this starting to make sense to you? Hopefully this is making sense to you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
I really dive into this, and I've been studying child psychology for so long, and I've been studying parents and the way that they act, and I've been coaching people now for 19 years, and I can see how the parent's reaction based off of the child when they're younger creates an adult that acts a certain way or holds back in a certain way or doesn't accept themselves.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
So we learn from a very young age during this socialization process that we are not good enough as we are. So we must act out of alignment with who we think we are. We have to act as a different person. We have to act a certain way so that we get our parents' love, even if that certain way is not me, which the result of that is my true self,
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
who we come in this world as that still exists, looking at my conditioned self and having trouble accepting myself. Of course, our true self is going to have trouble accepting its conditioned self because our true self is going, yeah, this person that I've become isn't me. This is like some caricature of me. This isn't me. This is who I've been told to be.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And a lot of times we're not even aware of this. We're just like, I don't like myself. I don't accept myself. I don't love myself. And so this result is this feeling that people have, so many people throughout the world have an unworthiness because of the process of socialization throughout growing up. And I understand if you're a parent, This shit is hard. Kids are wild.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
You're just trying to keep them alive. You know, sometimes you do have to reprimand a child when they're wanting to jump off a 10 foot wall and you're just like, oh my God, I've got to keep you alive. But I want you to understand like you're creating your child's personality and
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
and their identity every single moment of their day based off of what they see you do, what they see you talk about them, and what you say directly to them. And so it's something really important to think about as you're growing up with your children and as you're raising your children.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
But it's also really important for all of us to think about with ourselves because your personality has been built most likely from childhood. It's been built on this repressing of who you truly are. Somehow, I'm bad, and I need to look to my parents to see if I am right. I need their validation. And we will be right back. And now, back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And so, as we get older, then we start seeking approval of other people. Do you love me? You know, if I get good grades... If I get to number one, if I beat everyone else, if I look sexy enough for you, if I get enough likes on Instagram, if I get enough likes on Facebook, if I make a lot more money, will you accept me?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
So we do all of these different things for acceptance from other people because what we're looking for from the external world is what we're actually looking for for ourselves and from ourselves. So we're doing these things to get acceptance from other people, trying to get good grades, trying to get to number one, trying to beat everybody else, trying to look sexy enough.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
They talk down to themselves. They say things to themselves that they would never say to anybody else alive, especially someone that they love. And they probably won't even say to their worst enemy. And then they come in and they say, well, how can I be kinder to myself? How can I love myself more? And I think instead of looking at it by saying, how can I love myself more?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
trying to make a whole lot of money, trying to get more likes on Instagram. We're looking for acceptance from other people. Will you accept me if I do this? Ultimately, because who are we really looking for acceptance from? From ourselves. If you fully, 100%, accept yourself, you don't care if anybody else accepts you. And it's not like saying you go out and you're an asshole to everybody else.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
You just have this calm, cool confidence where you don't need other people to accept you. You don't need to be somebody else or act in a certain way or achieve a certain thing for other people to like you because it doesn't really matter. You already accept yourself. And if other people don't accept you as you are, it doesn't matter because I accept myself.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And so what we do is a lot of us go out into the world and we're trying to do or become something so that we feel accepted because we really just want to accept ourselves. So the issue is that we can validate ourselves. And what we really need to work on is that we need to be able to validate ourselves based off of who we are as a person and nothing else. Not our looks.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
Not our money, not our cars, not our jobs, not our bodies, not our accomplishments, not our social media followings. Just, I'm going to accept myself as I am. It's really interesting. And I've told this story quite a few times in the podcast, but I used to do this meditation. And it was a guided meditation. And he used to always say, you have no pockets, you have no storehouse.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And the way I translated that is I was born in this world with no pockets. I'm going to leave in this world with no pockets, which means that nothing that I have or own or achieve makes me more or less than who I already am. And so what I need to do is accept myself as I truly am. Our baseline is not negative. Our baseline is zero.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
We have been trained to think that there's something wrong with us, not on purpose, on accident. But now it's, and that's not our fault necessarily, but it is our responsibility of what we need to deal with. And so what we need to do is we need to just learn to appreciate ourselves as we currently are. If you're short, you can appreciate yourself as short.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
If you're fat, appreciate yourself as fat. If you're skinny, if you have no money, whatever. Learn to appreciate yourself as you currently are. Learn to appreciate your negative thoughts. Learn to appreciate your short temper. Acceptance first, no judging.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
You know, if you go into, like Ram Dass always talks about this, if you go into a forest, you don't go and look at the trees and you judge the trees. We just look at all the trees and you just appreciate them, right? You don't go, oh my gosh, now look at that little fat tree. Look at a little ugly little fat tree. Now look at a little short tree, a little broken tree.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
We don't go in and judge trees. We just appreciate all of the trees as they are. But we judge ourselves and we judge other people all the time. And we do that out of our own insecurities, right? We have lived a lot of our time and lots of people out there in a state of judging. We either judge ourselves, a lot of times we judge ourselves, or we judge other people.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
Because if you have this negative hatred self-talk to say, how can I love myself? It's kind of too much of a change. And so what I really think we should start thinking is instead of how do I love myself more, is how can I accept myself more? I think that's a better phrase. It's not really about love. What it's about is about acceptance.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And so what I think we should do instead of asking ourselves, how can we love ourself? It's more of how can we accept ourself? And now when I say acceptance, I don't mean that you just resign to the idea and you don't change yourself at all.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
I mean that you can still, and I've had so many people be like, Rob, but if I fully accept myself and there's not something wrong and I don't hate myself, aren't I going to be like not motivated to create my better life? And I'm like, no, you can still go out and
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another one of these episodes.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
want to be a millionaire and change the world and create a massive world-changing business and have a thousand employees or be the best possible mother and all of it. You can want all of those things. And you can always still want to improve because as a human, it is natural for us to always want to be growing and changing and evolving.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
That is one of the most natural core things that we have built inside of us. But as you're changing and evolving, you can also just accept yourself a little bit more. You can go ahead and you can create a multi-million dollar business if you want to and hate yourself the entire time if you want to. It's not going to be as fun.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
But you can create the exact same business and you can accept yourself and love yourself as you're doing it. And in fact, I would actually put money on the person who loves and accepts himself and is probably going to build that business faster because they're not mentally holding themselves back and mentally self-sabotaging all the time. And so you have to allow yourself to be a human being.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
All your flaws, everything. And just learn to accept yourself as you are. You don't have to achieve. You don't have to buy something. You don't have to make a certain amount of money. You don't have to put on makeup. Just accept yourself as you truly are.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And one thing that I think that every single person should do that's listening to this podcast is try to rediscover yourself, your inner child, your true self as you truly are. What do you love to do? Like, what's fun? What's something that you just absolutely enjoy that you haven't done in a while?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
And maybe you've been so caught up in having to be an adult and having to provide and having to pay the bills that you haven't done something that you've loved in years. What is that thing? What if you just started to become more of that child again and have more fun and accept yourself? There's nothing that you need to do.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
There's nothing that you need to prove to change to be loved and to be accepted. And so what I'm trying to get you to really understand is the most important aspect of being kind to yourself, the most important aspect of self-love is accepting yourself as you truly are.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
understanding why we probably don't accept ourselves based off of childhood, based off of conditioning, based off of all of those things. And so think about this, like when you think about your childhood, do you remember any memories from your childhood where you felt like maybe your parents retracted love in some sort of way? because of something that you did.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
Maybe they, like a lot of times I hear parents or a lot of times I hear children say, well, yeah, like I only got my father's love when I got an A or only got my father's love when we won a basketball game. Okay. Well, that's an example of love not being given. So fully retracted until you achieve. So people would go, well, I need to achieve, achieve, achieve.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
Or do you remember if I acted a certain way, my mom would disconnect from me. She wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day. And so I want you to kind of think about those things that have happened to you in your past. Journal through them. Another thing that's really good to journal through is like, what aspects of myself have I been struggling to accept? Start writing them down.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
What aspects of myself have I been struggling to accept? And then what can I do to accept myself more for who I truly am? Like, what can I do to wake up and just start from a place of self-acceptance? Yeah, you know, I do kind of have a short temper sometimes. Okay. I can accept that. And as I accept that, I can start to change it as well.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Be Kind to Yourself
The things that you don't love about yourself in reality is just you not accepting certain aspects of yourself. And the barrier to self-love is self-acceptance. And so what I would prefer that we focus on is self-acceptance, to accept yourself fully, to see your flaws and to start accepting your flaws more. Because behind all of the self-judgment is love and
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Whenever they have a failure, hey, no worries. You can do it. I know you can. And so you've got to learn to be your best friend and speak to yourself the way that you would speak to a friend, a loved one, your children. And then focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses. So that's number six. And then number seven is to get into this habit of feeling fear because we all feel fear.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And I'll remember this conversation for the rest of my life. And he said, Rob, if you look at a business and a business fails, Whose fault is it? And I was like, it's the business owner. He goes, okay, see, it's a big business, like a really big business, thousands of employees. If the business fails, whose fault is it? And I was like, well, I guess that's the CEO's fault.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
I was talking earlier on a live that I was on, on a Zoom call with this course that I'm running, Mindset 2.0. And I was talking about the fact that like even yesterday, I felt visceral fear and I had to talk myself out of my feelings, talk myself out of what I was thinking about and what I was mulling over and then take action anyways. And so it's this thing of feeling fear, but doing it anyways.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Most of the time when we feel fear, we back away. Because we think, oh my gosh, I must be unsafe. If I feel fear, there's something wrong. I must be unsafe, so I need to back away. And we create this habit of feeling fear, backing away. Feeling fear, backing away. And it's a habit we've created, and it's kind of a pattern that we just go into. You have to feel the fear and do it anyways.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And how do you do this? Well, you don't let your fear control you first off, but you remind yourself that the feeling of fear, and I want you to really understand this, the feeling of fear is the physical manifestation of your comfort zone in this moment. If I feel fear, Let me take a step back. If I'm not feeling fear, I'm in my comfort zone. If I feel fear, I'm at the edge of my comfort zone.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And you know, if you're listening to this podcast, that everything that you want is on the outside of your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is where your dreams go to die. And so if you want something more, something better in your life, you're going to have to get out of your comfort zone. And so you have to notice, ooh, okay, yeah, I feel some fear. I really do feel some fear right now.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
That means that I'm on the edge of my comfort zone. Normally what I'll do when I feel fear is I will back away. But I want to remind myself that I'm supposed to be getting out of my comfort zone. Growth is on the outside of my comfort zone. So what I'm gonna do is I'm just gonna lean in just a little bit. This discomfort is a sign of growth.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And so you use this fear as a signal that you're about to grow rather than something to be afraid of. And you keep moving just a little bit forward You don't have to blast past your comfort zone. Just take one step out of your comfort zone and prove to yourself you're not going to die. It's this idea of keep moving forward despite fear, despite uncertainty.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And really, that's what it comes down to is those are seven things that I've been thinking over the past 19 years that are just mindset habits that have really helped me get my life together and create something amazing for my life when before I started working on my mind, it wasn't really going in the best direction. So hopefully that helps you.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
If you like this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And once again, if you want to join my mindset and inspirational text message group, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
He goes, okay, if a business succeeds, if a business is able to take a thousand people that work in this business, get them towards one common goal and the business succeeds, whose fault is that? I was like, well, it'd be everyone's fault who worked there, but it'd also be the CEO's fault for getting everyone to go in the right direction and succeeding.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
He said, okay, so if a business fails, it's the CEO's fault. If a business succeeds, it's the CEO's fault. I said, yes. He said, okay, if you get to the end of your life and it's not the life that you wanted and you look back with regret and you didn't have the love and the happiness and the joy and success that you wanted, whose fault would that be? And I was like, that would be my fault.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And he goes, okay, if you got to the end of your life and it was the life that you wanted, you had the joy, the happiness, the love, success, everything you wanted, it was the life you wanted, whose fault would that be? And I was like, I guess that would be my fault. He goes, the problem with you is that you're not acting like you're the CEO of your life.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
You're acting like it's everybody else's fault. Nobody is coming to save you. Put on your big boy britches and actually start to do something with yourself. And I was like, it was like at that moment, everything clicked in my life. And I was like, 10-4, I got it. And so if you're out there and you're still saying, I can't control this. It's my mom's fault. It's my dad's fault.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
It's my spouse's fault. It's the government's fault. It's the president's fault. You're not going to get to the life that you want. You have to accept full responsibility for your life. You have to stop blaming external circumstances and finally take ownership for your life. And this will shift you from having a victim mindset, which I had for years. I was such a victim.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
It was everybody else's fault, but my own. from being a victim to being an empowered person. Because when everything is your fault, when everything's your responsibility, it means that you're the one that's in control. And you can hold yourself accountable for the choices that you make, towards the actions that you take.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And you can understand that that responsibility is not something that should cripple you. It's actually the responsibility that leads to you controlling over your life, to getting in the driver's seat and creating the life that you want.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Today, I'm gonna be talking about seven different mindset habits that helped me get my life together. If you're listening to this podcast, it's because you want to work on your mindset because you know working on your mindset will improve your life.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And so you just make peace with your past mistakes, use them as learning tools, get past it, let it go and say, from this moment forward, I'm the one that's in control of my life. So the first thing is accepting full responsibility for my life. The second thing, was developing a growth mindset that goes along with this one.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
But a growth mindset is basically the idea that I know that no matter what I do, I can grow, I can continue to get better, everything. I have a tattoo on my wrist that's an X with the line above it, which is the Roman numeral for 10,000, because I love the idea of the 10,000 hour rule, which means that with 10,000 hours of dedicated, focused work, Practice work at anything.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
You could become a master at it. Might not be exactly 10,000 hours. Might be a little bit less. It might be a little bit more depending on what it is. But you can master anything that you want to. And for me, the reason why I love this and I got a tattoo to my wrist was because for me, I realized years ago that I want to get as close to mastery of this guy named Rob.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And if that's the case, I'm going to need to be very, very focused on trying to improve this guy. I believe that all of our abilities and all of our intelligence can improve. I don't believe in the phrase, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Neuroplasticity in science proves that that's false.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And so now what I wanna do is I wanna look at my challenges and realize that all the challenges, all my biggest challenges in my life have come and turned into my biggest learning opportunities. I want to look at all of this challenge. I want to look at those mistakes and pull the lessons from them instead of looking at myself as a failure, but go, okay, I messed up on that. How can I grow?
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
How can I get better? How can I have a growth mindset with everything that I do? How can I look for feedback on how I can improve? How can I use as many things around me as an opportunity to grow? How can I surround myself with people that are better than me so that they inspire me to be better by looking at them and going, you know what? I could be like them. They inspire me.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
I want to be like that person. How can I find people that are successful individuals that are still alive or maybe successful individuals that died or had a whole lot of wisdom? And how can I read and listen to them and learn from them so that hopefully I can get to a point where I feel like I am a being that's full of wisdom that has knowledge to share with others?
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
How can I keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone so that I can look for ways to grow with this growth mindset? And so that's another one of the big things that really changed my life is developing a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is like, well, I am the way that I am. I'm going to be this way forever. I don't believe that.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
We can turn ourself into anything that we want to. And that's one of the most beautiful things about being a human. So that's number two. Number three, this really changed my life over the past probably three years. And so I heard about this, you know, practicing gratitude before. I was like, that's cute. That's awesome. But like, if I'm too grateful, I'm not going to be motivated.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
These are seven different things that have happened over the course of the last 19 years of me being in a personal environment that's really changed the course of my life. So let's dive into it. The first one, which I think is one of the most important ones, is getting to the point of my life where I accepted full responsibility for my life.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
If I'm like so grateful for the stuff that I have, I'm not going to keep working for the what I want. So I like kept kind of pushing gratitude off for a while. And then I realized that, you know, I was succeeding and I was getting better, but I wasn't any happier. And it didn't make me happy to have more success. It didn't make me happy to have more money. Didn't make me happy to buy more shit.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And so I was like, you know what? I'm going to practice gratitude every single day. And that's number three is practicing gratitude every single day. So I woke up and I would focus on gratitude every single day. Find anything in my life I could be grateful for.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And people are like, sometimes when I say this, people are like, well, I don't have all the success that I want or the happiness that I want or whatever it might be. And I'm like, It doesn't matter where your life is. If you're listening to this podcast, you have a million things to be grateful for.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And the biggest ones are that your heart's still breathing and you're still, a heart's still beating and you're still breathing. Those are the two biggest things you can focus on every single day. Oh my God, I woke up today. That's amazing. Then you can look at, is the weather nice? Did you have a great cup of coffee? It doesn't have to be huge things that you can be grateful for.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And we will be right back. And now back to the show. And what it does is it shifts your mindset. People always say like, how do I shift my mindset from scarcity to abundance? You focus on gratitude because when you focus on gratitude, you start seeing how rich your life actually is, how amazing your life actually is. You can keep a gratitude journal if you want to, to track positive moments.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
You can start your day by listing three things you're grateful for. You can find all of the things that you're appreciating every single day. But more than anything else, like what I like to do is I just wake up in the morning and I take a few minutes and I just close my eyes. Then I just do some breathing, deep breathing, and I just think of things that I'm grateful for.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Sometimes it's big things. Sometimes it's small things. Sometimes it's things in between. It's just there's so many things that when I am in go, go, go, focus, build, build, build mode, I start thinking in too much lack and too much scarcity. When I wake up in the morning and I focus on what I can be grateful for, it sets my overall tone for how I want to feel throughout the day.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And I have just found That when I do this first thing in the morning, I'm just so much happier. It's just things that when fires come up in my business, that just kind of bounce off me. Okay, cool. We'll work through it. It's not going to be the end all be all of everything that we're doing. It made me start learning to appreciate people more, expressing appreciation for other people.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And so it's really about developing this habit of gratitude when things are good, but especially when things are difficult, when things can be hard. Because when things are hard, we start thinking about all of the stuff that's wrong and all of the stuff that we want fixed and all of the stuff we want to be different versus going, you know what?
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Even though shit has hit the fan, I still have so much to be grateful for. And if you do that, it really makes you start to focus and almost like rewire your brain for looking at the good and finding the good in everything that you have in your life versus the lack and the scarcity and what's not enough. Because there's always going to be scarcity in life.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Up until a certain point in my life, I was the best person at making excuses. I was the best person at blaming other people. I was so good at telling you why it wasn't my fault that I was this way or that I wasn't successful or that I didn't have the life that I want. And I've told this story before, but I was on a coaching call with my one-on-one coach at the time. I was 20 years old.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
There's always going to be abundance in your life. But it's really what you focus on that matters the most. So that's number three. Number four was letting go of perfectionism. I recognized eventually at one point in time when I was trying to be perfect and trying to be perfect and trying to be perfect that perfectionism, perfection itself is just an illusion.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And so I had a mentor years ago and she had on her wall progress over perfection. Done is better than perfect. And so she, I guess, struggled with it as well, but it's literally on her wall, progress over perfection. She had a whiteboard and it was on, she wrote it on her whiteboard and it was there for years. Progress over perfection, done is better than perfect.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And it's this idea of nothing will ever be perfect. Everything can always improve. I'm sure even if you were to get the greatest artists in the world, if you were to ask Michelangelo to look at the statue of David, he could probably find some of the imperfections.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
But you look at it, if you've ever seen it in person, you're like, that's the most perfect piece of art I've ever seen in my entire life. If you were to see him, could he tell you some things that are not perfect? Sure. But imagine if he just never finished it because he was trying to make it perfect. And then we wouldn't have this beautiful piece of art to see hundreds of years later.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And so it's this idea of letting go of perfectionism because you'll never get there. And accepting that what you're really trying to do if you're trying to be perfect is you're trying to mask some sort of fear. Perfectionism is never the problem. It's always the downstream effect of the problem. And the problem is that perfectionism is a mask that you wear to cover up some sort of fear.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Oh, I'm just a perfectionist. No, no, no, you're afraid of failure. You're afraid of rejection. You're afraid of other people's opinions. You're afraid of something else. And so perfectionism is not a badge to be wearing on our shirt. It's a moment to take a step back and find some self-reflection and say, what am I afraid of? If I think I'm a perfectionist, what's the fear behind it?
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you wanna get some mindset tips and tricks, text to your cell phones sporadically throughout the week. Text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Because there's always a fear behind it. I promise you that. Fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of other people's opinions, fear of being kicked out of the tribe, fear of not being loved, whatever it might be. And so you've got to understand there's some sort of fear.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
When you feel perfectionism, it's really a calling for you to be like, hey, take a step back. What are you afraid of? And so it's important to do this and to not compare ourself to unrealistic standards and to just really appreciate the journey of, hey, I'm getting better. I'm always getting better. Nothing's ever going to be perfect. Done is better than perfect.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
I'd rather finish something at 95% done than try to get 100% perfect. Because you can get something done, like if it's a work project or a painting or whatever is a piece of music, you can get it 95% done in a a week, two weeks, whatever it might be that you're building, right? To get that 95 to 100% perfect, probably never going to get there. So it's like get to done is better than perfect.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Get to it. Progress over perfection. It's okay. And so number four is just letting go of this perfection that I had. Number five is reframing failure as a learning opportunity. So many people really struggle with failure. And I struggle with failure for a long time.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And I realized after studying a lot of very successful people is that the most successful people in the world have been failures majority of their lives. It's like the creator of Honda says, success is 99% failure. You just need that 1% to just be as grand slam. And so the most successful people have usually faced 10 times more failure than someone who's unsuccessful.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And so I thought to myself, okay, if that's the case, then I just need to work faster and work harder so that I can get all my failures out of the way and eventually find success. And I can use my failures as a stepping stone to become greater and become better. And to let go of my fear of judgment and my fear of criticism and my fear of failure, my fear of not being good enough.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And he was my mindset coach, life coach, sales coach. And in my sales, I wasn't doing as well in my sales as I was supposed to. And I wasn't doing as many outbound calls as I was supposed to. And I wasn't having the success that I wanted to have. And I was showing up a little bit late to all of our calls without my assignments done. And he had this like coming to God moment with me.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Then when I do quote unquote fail, it's really an opportunity to learn. It's an opportunity to adapt and refine my strategies so I can find the thing that actually works. Sometimes you got to throw a lot of stuff at the wall before something sticks. And I'm just trying to throw as much of the wall as fast as possible so I can find the one thing that sticks.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
That's the one thing I found with the most successful people is they focus on speed. Speed to fail as often as possible so that they can eventually get there to success faster. Unsuccessful people I found delay, delay, delay, delay, delay, delay because they don't want to mess up or fail in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And then they never actually find that diamond in the rough that is their success they were looking for. And so that's number five. Number six, huge thing for me and a huge thing for a lot of people out there is cultivating this habit of positive self-talk. I tell people when I was younger, if you would have had a...
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
a radio, like a speaker on the side of my head that broadcast everything I was saying to myself, I was just like such a, so hard on myself for mistakes and for failures and for not doing things right. And I was just not really super positive with myself.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
Now I tell people if I had a speaker on the side of my head that was just broadcasting my thoughts, you'd be like, that dude's completely full of himself. And it's not that I'm full of myself, it's that I want to speak better to myself than anybody else in the world does. And the reason why is because this world, success, happiness, joy, failure, creating life, like life as a human is hard.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
I don't wanna beat myself up and make it even harder. I wanna make it even easier on myself because I believe in myself more than anybody else. And so you have to become aware of these positive talking patterns that you need to adapt in your life and also start to be aware of these negative self-talk patterns that you need to get rid of.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
When you notice yourself talking negative to yourself, challenge that thought and reframe that thought into something different. Replace your limiting beliefs with empowering affirmations. And I've said this for a while recently, but like for a long time, I thought affirmations were kind of corny and stupid and I never talked about them. Now it's like I have my affirmations.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
I have the way that I speak to myself. I am constantly trying to brainwash myself into believing what I want to believe about myself so that I can be the person I need to be. I don't get in my own way and I create in this world what I want to create. So I would recommend for you, life is hard enough as it is. Being an asshole to yourself doesn't make it any easier. I promise you that.
The Mindset Mentor
7 Mindset Habits That Helped Me Get My Life Together
And so how can you start to talk to yourself the same way that you would talk to your friend? If you have children and they're trying to get better at a sport, you're not going to talk trash to your young five-year-old. You're going to try to build them up. You got this. I believe in you. I know you can do this. Whenever they have a success, celebrate them.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
It's eventually going to work its way out. What you resist persists. So if you're resisting it, it's going to stay longer. The less you try to control it and fight the crazy that's going on in your mind, the less that you try to be a part of it, the more it calms itself down, the faster it calms itself down. The natural state of your mind is complete calm.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
So what helps you with the calm in your mind? Meditation can help. People always think that they're doing it wrong. Meditation is not no thoughts. Meditation is just watching your thoughts and just letting them be and being okay with them. The mind can get crazy. Life can get crazy. It could be more than waves. It could be hurricane level sometimes, can it? Yeah.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And, you know, he's been resting on the water for such an extended period, he forgets he can fly and then he starts to actually identify with the lake and think that I am this water. I am this water that's right here. And so he forgets that he could have, you know, pick up his wings and just fly away and that he used to do that in the past.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
What's the best you could do in a hurricane? If a hurricane is going over your house, Well, first thing you could do is try to leave before it gets there. But if you can't leave, you know what you do? You hunker down. You stay inside. You don't go out there and try to, you know, fight the hurricane. Try to calm the hurricane down. No, just hunker down. Eventually the hurricane is going to pass.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
All hurricanes will pass. Same thing in the mind. You have to allow your thoughts and your feelings and your emotions to pass. We've all become lost. We've all identified with our thoughts, identified with our labels, identified with our minds. We've identified with all of those things. What am I trying to say? What will help you calm the voice that's inside? Realizing that you're not it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Disassociating from it, letting it do whatever it's going to do, and just like a, you know, I can't throw in a temper tantrum, it will eventually calm down. The same way that the bird flies onto the lake and starts to think that it's the lake And then for so long, you have been identified with your mind for so long that you think that's who you are. You think that's your mind.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
You think that you're your thoughts. You're not. Realize that you can fly away anytime that you want to. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it. RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. If I've ever shared anything that's ever had an impact on you, please do me a favor and share it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And the reason why is because the only way this podcast grows is when you guys share it. So if you do that, I greatly, greatly appreciate it. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And this bird that once was capable of flight, and actually still is capable of flight, has basically become a creature of the water. So when the water's calm, it's not really a big deal. He enjoys it. It feels really good. But when the wind picks up, when the water gets choppy, the bird struggles, tries to keep its head above the water, starts to fear that he might drown in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And in turn, when it ends up being calm, he starts thinking about, well, what am I going to do the next time it gets choppy? And it starts to make the bird want to control the state of the water. So even when it's calm, he starts worrying about all of the choppiness that could be coming, hoping that it stays calm all the time, trying to figure out and plan for the next time that it becomes choppy.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And so he's ruining a present moment where it's calm and it's beautiful and the sun is out, trying to figure out a way to manipulate the water so that he can make sure that it stays calm forever. And his attempts to manipulate the water are impossible, basically counterproductive, because the more he moves, the more he's going to turn up the water anyways.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
He cannot control an entire body of water. And so he ends up suffering more and more because when it's choppy, he's trying to stay alive. When it's calm, he ends up trying to figure out how to manipulate the water and worrying about when it's not calm.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And so the idea of this whole story of the bird, it's a metaphor for the human condition, specifically our struggle to maintain a sense of control over circumstances that either we cannot control outside of ourselves or our internal state in the voice that's inside of our head.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
See, we as humans often forget, and we're usually not told when we're younger, hey, what if, and go on this journey with me for a second, even if you've never heard this before, your BS meter starts ringing off, right? We forget that we're actually the consciousness that's behind the mind. We're the consciousness that's behind the thoughts that we have. We're the observer behind our thoughts.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
We're kind of like the silent witness that's behind all of our programming. And you might be like, this is kind of weird. What the hell does this mean? Well, let me show you real quick, okay? I don't want you to move your mouth, but I want you to try something with me. And we'll just see what happens, okay? I want you in your head, don't say it out loud, to say the word happiness.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
We're all going to do it together. Okay? We're all going to say the word happiness without saying it out loud. We're going to say it in our heads. Ready? On the count of three. One, two, three. Okay? Did you do it? Let's try it one more time. Say happiness on three. One, two, three. Okay. Who said that? Think about that for a second. Who said happiness? Okay, now, hold on.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Today, I'm gonna be talking about how to calm the voice inside, the one that's inside of your head And the one that you're thinking, well, I don't know. I don't know if I have a voice inside of my head. That's the voice I'm talking about. The one that's saying that right now. And I want to give you an example I heard. And I've given this example a couple of times in the podcast.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
What's crazy about it is not only did you say happiness, did you hear the word happiness at the same time? So who said it and who heard it? See, you said something without saying something. Like you said it without saying it and you heard it without hearing it. So those thoughts, you are the consciousness that's behind all of that that's going on. And so who are you?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
We're gonna get kind of deep today. I want you to think about this. Like, who are you? If I sit down and I ask somebody, I'm like, who are you? And I've done this many times. They'll tell me that they're a wife. They'll tell me their name. They'll tell me their age. I'm like, who are you? Tell me more, tell me more, tell me more. I'm a mother. I have a degree from this school. This is my religion.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
I'm this skin color. I'm from this part of town. Who are you? Who are you? And they keep going. They'd start telling me all of these, the name and the characteristics and the labels that they have. And they've picked up and kind of placed on themselves like badges through, you know, Girl Scout badges throughout their entire life. But who were you when you were born?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Were you a wife when you were born? No. Were you 37 when you were born? No. Were you a mother when you were born? No. Did you have degrees when you were born? No. Did you have this religion when you were born? No. That was given to you. Did you have school that you went to when you were born? No. So who were you when you were born? You didn't even have a name when you were born.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
That was given to you. These are all labels and things that are given to us that we put onto ourselves and say, oh, this is who I am. So just as the bird is no more a creature of the lake, you are more than your programmings, than your labels, than your personality, than the circumstances that you find yourself in. You're also more and way more than just your thoughts.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
However, we tend to dwell in the constructs and the labels and the programs that we have for so long that we identify with them. Oh, I've been a mother for eight years. I have three kids. So this is how I'm supposed to act. That's a construct. Oh, I'm a man. And so I'm supposed to act this way and feel this type of feelings. I'm not supposed to feel my feelings as much. No, that's a construct.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
You went to this school. You're supposed to act this way. You're a construct. You're this religion. You're supposed to act this way. That's a construct. You think you're all of those things, but you are the thing that is behind all of those labels. And then you have these thoughts, which is the hardest thing to disconnect from. Because you can say, okay, yeah, my name is Rob.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Robert, if I'm being exact. I was given the name Robert when I was born. I can see how I'm not Robert. But I can see how I'm not a podcaster and I'm not this and I'm not that. I'm truly behind all of it. But what about these thoughts that are going on in my head? Like, isn't that me? If it's in my head, it's gotta be me. Like, aren't my thoughts me?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And people always come up to me or send me messages or emails and like, I love that example because it makes so much sense. I heard one time from a spiritual teacher and he shared this story and it really hit home for me. It hit home on other episodes. And so I just want to share it with you again, okay? Imagine that there's a bird. The bird's flying through the air and he's,
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And this is where a lot of suffering comes from is that people identify with their thoughts. You think that you're your thoughts. So you say that you are. And as a result, you end up feeling like a victim of your mind rather than the consciousness that's behind all of it. Just as the same as the bird, he forgot he's not the water and he can fly away at any time.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And so it's really interesting when you start to dive deep into this idea of you are not your thoughts, and I've spent hours thinking about this and just really going deep down the rabbit hole, is that you realize a thought is just something that's old.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
a thought is just something that's old whether it's something that you learned or something that was you know accidentally programmed into you or something that you just picked up along the way they're never new in the moment thoughts they're always from somewhere else and so anytime that you get caught up in your mind You need to actually remind yourself that you're free from it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
That you're separate from it. And we'll talk about this a little bit more. But, you know, just as the bird. The bird's flying through the air. He lands on a lake. He hangs out for a really long time. He forgets he can fly. So he's there so long he starts to identify with the lake. The bird forgets he can fly. He's programmed into thinking that he's the water. He's programmed out of his flying.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Just as the same way that he is programmed thinking, I am the water. because you've been there for so long, with your mind, you think, I am my thoughts. Your mind is the equivalent to the water that the bird is in. When the water's calm, the bird enjoys it. When the water's choppy, the bird struggles, almost drowns. Same with you. When your mind is calm, No big deal. We don't worry about it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
But when you're worried, when you're frustrated, when you're angry, when you're sad, when your mind is overthinking and you're stuck in your limiting beliefs and your fears, that's like the water being really choppy. And then it starts, like when it's calm, no big deal. When it's choppy, it's a shit storm, right? And so what do we do? We want to figure out ways to keep the water calm, right?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
How can I keep this water calm? How can I keep this mind calm? It's always me versus my mind. It's such a battle. It's so hard in here. So the bird tries to keep the water calm. We try to figure out tips and tactics to keep our minds calm. Maybe I can meditate it away. But the bird can't control the water. Thinks that it can. Must have some form of control over it. Same thing with you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
You want to figure out some sort of way to control your mind. What if you just let your mind be what your mind is and you start disconnecting from it and going, ah, look at that thought. That's a crazy thought. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
This is one thing I've talked about this in the podcast that I've been working on for years now is I will be driving and I will have a thought. Like I'll see somebody and I live in Austin. So there's a bunch of pretty interesting people that you'll see sometimes walking down the road in Austin. and I'll see somebody and I'll notice my immediate thought is some random judgment.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And instead of being like, oh, I'm such an asshole like I used to, I'm such an asshole, why do I think that? Where's that come from? It's so stupid, that's not how I actually think. I just go, huh, wonder who thought that? Where'd that come from?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
So instead of attaching to it the same way the bird attaches to the water, I'm just like, oh yeah, I could fly away anytime I want to and realize that I'm not the water. I'm not that thought. That for some reason could have come from a family member who was really judgmental or me being an insecure kid when I was little. So I used to judge other kids to make myself feel better.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
He's graceful and he's free and he's soaring through the clouds. And then one day he's looking down as he's flying and he sees this big, beautiful lake. So he comes down from the sky, lands on this lake. And, you know, it's this calm, beautiful lake and sits there and he's like, man, this is amazing. And the bird's like drawn to the calm, tranquil grace of this beautiful lake that it's in, right?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
I don't know where it came from. It doesn't really matter where it came from, but I can look at it and go, that thought that used to piss me off because I was like, why do I think that? Why am I that way? I can go, that's ridiculous. I don't know where that came from. Whatever.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
So instead of me trying to force it to change, which I tried to do for years, and we all try to do, and we're not suffering because we're trying to change something that isn't really easy to change, I can just disconnect from it and, just like the bird, fly away. So that I don't get caught in the waves.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
So I don't get caught in kicking and screaming and end up creating more waves and making it worse. You know? And so life is up and down. It's all over the place. An uncontrolled mind will be all over the place as well. Certain situations, it's cool. It's calm. Certain situations, it's freaking out. There's waves. Ah, fuck, I hate this. Oh my gosh, what can I do about it?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Why does this always happen to me? Why does she always say this way? I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I got all these fears and limiting beliefs versus being like, huh, that's a funny fear. Wonder where that one came from. Ah, but it's not me. Oh, that's a funny limiting belief. Oh, you feel like you're unlovable. I don't know where that came from. That's not me.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Just as the bird is not the water, you are not the mind. The mind is not who you are. Just like the water is not the bird. The bird is not the water. But we identify with it because we've been in it for so long. And that's what makes sense about it. We need to learn.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And one of the things that I'll recommend that's really helped me out a lot is instead of trying to constantly change myself all the time... I've just learned a lot more recently, and I'm not perfect in any sort of way, so please don't take that, that I've just gotten better at just letting things be. Just let the mind be just a shit show sometimes, but disconnect from it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Let the mind do whatever it's going to do. Hey, okay, if the mind wants to judge right now, let it judge. If the mind wants to be all crazy, let it be all crazy. Because the natural state of the water, when there is no waves and there is no wind, there is no tornadoes coming through, the natural state of the water is calm. The only time it's not is when waves come.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. I put out episodes four times a week, over 1,600 podcast episodes in the past nine and a half years. And so if you don't wanna miss one and you wanna continue to work on yourself, hit that subscribe button.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
It gets windy, a boat goes by, whatever it might be. The natural state of your mind is calm. And so you might be thinking, there's no freaking way. My mind is nuts. My mind is crazy. You don't know what kind of crazy stuff happens in my mind. No, no, no. I want you to understand. The natural state of the mind is calm. hang out with any baby, three months old. What are they doing?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Just chilling, just looking around. The only time they're really pissed off is if they're tired, if they're hungry, or if they are messy, that's it. So the secret to the mind, the secret to calming the mind is to stop trying to control it all the time and stop battling with it. Stop trying to resist it, stop fighting it, let it do what it's gonna do.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Eventually, if you stop fighting it, it will calm down. If you're anxious, cool. Be anxious for five minutes. But just breathe through it. Detach yourself from the anxiousness for a minute. Detach yourself from the fear for a minute. Just breathe for the next five minutes.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
You know, for me, one thing that I realized years ago is that I wake up and the second I wake up, I feel really anxious a lot of times. And I used to hate, I used to fight, I used to try to figure out ways to try to work past my anxiousness. I would try to do rituals, I would try to do everything else to try to calm it down. Now I just allow it. I've come to realize
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
that your cortisol is at your highest the moment that you wake up for most people. That's usually the thing that actually wakes you up is your cortisol. Cortisol is a stress hormone, so it makes sense you're going to be the most stressed and anxious the moment you wake up. And so I found that if I fought it and if I resisted it, the anxiousness would stay longer.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And decides, hey, this is pretty amazing. You know what? I'm just going to stay here for a while. And the bird stays for a while and stays for a little bit longer and stays for a little bit longer. And the bird ends up staying for so long that the bird forgets that he's able to fly.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
So instead of me being just anxious for the first five minutes of waking up, it'd be like the first two or three hours, sometimes even longer. But when I just let the mind, when I'm just like, oh, hold on, I feel really freaking anxious right now. Instead of being like, oh my God, I just woke up, this sucks. I'm like, okay, be anxious. No big deal. If the mind wants to be anxious, not me.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
If the mind wants to be anxious, let it be anxious. And eventually, if you stop trying to change it, you stop trying to fight it, you stop trying to resist it, it just calms down. It's like a passing cloud. Okay, the cloud's not going to be here forever. It's now gone. Okay, there we go. It's gone. It's like Alan Watts says. He always says that you can't force your mind to be silent.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
That would be like trying to smooth the ripples in water with a flat iron. Water becomes clear and calm only when it's left alone. Think about that for a second. You cannot force your mind to be silent. The only way that it becomes silent and calm is when you leave it alone. So it's about this idea of trying to surrender to the fact of, hey, sometimes I'm anxious. Sometimes I'm an asshole.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
Sometimes I judge. Sometimes I'm really scared. Sometimes I really, I worry a lot. Sometimes I have overthinking. But then you just get this quick moment of pause and go, but I'm the consciousness that's behind it. I'm not that thought. I'm not that mind. So I'm just going to take a step back, breathe through it. Same way, like if a kid's having a temper tantrum, let them get it all out.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Calm the Voice Inside
And after they get it all out, what happens? They usually calm down. Okay, cool. They have so much of a temper tantrum, they have so much energy, and then they just take a nap after. Or they calm down, whatever it might be. So it's about surrender. It's about not trying to control. It's about allowing. And this is really hard for a lot of people. Just let it be. Let it go.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
His dad really needs to kind of change his life around and start over in a lot of different ways. And his dad started looking around and being like, well, what do I want to do with my life? What are my dreams? What is it that I want to do? I've been doing this thing for so long. And then I was just dropped. Maybe I should start thinking about what is it I want to do.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And so this is going to be a three-step process to completely change your life in the next six months. Step number one is very simple, but for some reason, I don't get why people rarely ever actually do this. And I say this over and over and over and over and over again, but you have to get really clear on what it is that you want in your life. You have to get crystal clear.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Like if a four-year-old came up to you and they're like, explain it to me in detail. You could explain it in detail to a four-year-old. It's got to be very simple, very clear. But most people are like, well, I just want to make more money. That goal sucks. Oh, I just want to lose weight. That goal sucks. Get more clear. What do you want?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
You cannot drift through life anymore without a clear destination. It's gone too long. You need to get very clear on what is it you want. Look at all of the ancient texts. They all say something along the lines of, ask and you shall receive. You're not asking because you're not getting clear. You know, so most people, they kind of drift through life and they have no real clear destination.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And if you're out there and you want to brainwash yourself to become the person you want to be, I have created a lesson, video lesson, that shows you exactly how to do your own morning priming to brainwash yourself for your success in the life that you want. If you want to get that lesson absolutely free, you can go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
They wake up, they drive to work, they go to work, and they do their job for a little while. Then they get back in their car and they drive home and they watch Netflix and they might have some sort of dinner. And it's on repeat every single day, Monday through Friday. And then they sit around, they're like, I wonder why nothing in my life ever changes. Because you don't change.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
You haven't gotten clear on what it is that you want. Do not let you be one of those people. Here's what you need to do. You need to figure out your vision. You need to figure out what it is that you want and you need to lock into that vision. And so you got to ask yourself, what do I actually want?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Like if a Gundam was to my head and said, explain it to me in as much detail as possible, I would have to explain it. So like not what your parents want for you, not what society wants for you. What excites you? What do you want? I want you to picture yourself six months from now living your ideal life. Where are you? What do you do for work? How do you feel? What do your days look like?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And I want you to write it down, pen and paper, seriously and get specific. The more vivid your vision, the stronger your drive will be.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And then what I want you to do is I want you to brainwash yourself in a good way because we've unconsciously been brainwashed by everything that's ever happened to us in our entire life, every moment of our life, every conversation, every person that we've watched. We've all been brainwashed in some sort of way. Now it's time for you to brainwash yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Your brain is constantly reinforcing whatever it is that you feed it. So you've got to start feeding it the future that you want. You've got to visualize it daily. You've got to see it. You've got to see yourself already living the life that you want. Then you've got to develop some form of affirmations, even though they feel weird and they feel corny.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
They start to feel a lot more empowering the more that you do them. right? And say to yourself what it is that you want. So let's just use the example for today's episode. Like I want to start, maybe I work for, I'm an accountant at some firm and I've been there for 12 years. And I'm like, you know what? I really want to start a business and I want to earn $10,000 a month in my business.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Okay, well then my affirmation is going to be something like, let's say that you want to start a, I always use an example of Etsy business. Let's say it's an Etsy business. Let's say you want to start an Etsy jewelry business. You're going to start visualizing what that would look like to have that Etsy jewelry business and visualize it and visualize it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And then you're going to say to yourself, I'm becoming the person who makes $10,000 a month off their Etsy jewelry business. I'm becoming the person who earns $10,000 a month off their Etsy jewelry business. Your brain does not know the difference between something that's real and something that you're imagining.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
So when you visualize it and then you speak it, you're basically brainwashing yourself into believing that it's possible. Because most of the time, we're just stopping ourselves because we don't believe that it's possible. Like we kind of do, but we don't fully believe it. And then what I want you to do is control your inputs.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
So stop watching all of the negative news, cut out all of the doubters in your life, the people that don't want more for you or the people when you tell them your dreams are like, oh, that's not possible. And then consume success stories.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Start looking at other people who came from nothing, people who built a business to $10,000 a month in their first six months, someone else who has built a successful jewelry business. So maybe you look at the story of Kendra Scott and how she built a billion dollar business. And then what I want you to do is I want you to figure out what it is. And this is a big, big piece of all of this, right?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
get it for free right now today I'm gonna talk about how to completely change your life in the next six months this is for anyone who's tired of feeling stuck or whether you're tired of your job or you're in a job that you hate or you're just out there and you're at a point where you're just like I know deep down inside that I am NOT living to my full potential I know that I am meant for more in some sort of way
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Is to figure out what is it you want and have a part of that be a high income skill that you want to learn and master. And so if you want to change your life fast, you need to pick a skill that is a high income skill or can become a high income skill.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
and then what you're going to do it could be and i'll give you a bunch of different examples right it could be like running facebook ads for other people it could be writing articles it could be making youtube videos it could be coaching people it could be starting a shopify store it could be you know starting an etsy store it could be doing facebook ad revenue it could be sponsorships it could be
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Starting a clothing brand. It could be selling courses. It could be writing emails for other people and getting better at copywriting. It could be selling supplements. It could be selling something on Amazon. It could be being a freelancer on Upwork.com. It could be social media management. It could be YouTube. It could be writing Kindle books, consulting, freelance writing.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
I don't care what it is. Figure out one skill that really interests you, not like I'm just doing this for money, but it actually truly interests you. And then commit. You spend the next six months mastering one skill. Because I'm going to tell you, if you really focus on the next six months, you go to your job that you hate, whatever, you come home and you go, I'm going to focus on this skill.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
I'm going to try to get as much knowledge about this skill and getting better at this skill over the next six months. If you do that in six months, you'll be better than most people in this world at that skill. And if it's a high income skill, guess what? Eventually you could turn it into a business in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And so that's the first thing is to get really, really clear on what is it you want. The second thing that you're going to do is you're going to make a plan. And guess what? You're actually going to follow it. So make a plan because what is a goal without a plan? It's more than anything else. It's just a wish. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And so what you want to do is you want to make an action plan that you'll actually stick to. And so you're going to want to figure out, OK, I know in six months I want to be here. So let's break it down. So instead of saying something like I want to make $10,000 a month, make it tangible. How much do you need to be making per week? How many clients or products or services do you need to get there?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
If you're selling just bracelets, how many bracelets do you need to sell to be at $10,000 per week? What actions are going to move the needle the most? And you break it down so that you actually make it tangible and you know what things that you need to do. So if you want, let's say you wanna do $5,000 a month in freelance writing.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Okay, well then I need to find 10 clients that are gonna be paying me $500 a month each. So if that's the case, I need to send five pitches per day on Upwork and Fiverr or cold emails or through LinkedIn. And I'm going to work on improving my skills daily through this online course and through practicing my writing three hours a day.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And that's what you really start to do by breaking it down and actually starting to get clear. And one thing I want you to do is I want you to stop lying to yourself as a part of this, as a part of changing your entire life and changing everything.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
I want you to know that there's a pretty good chance that deep down inside of you, you already know what you want and you already know what you need to do to get the life that you see in six months. And so the problem a lot of times isn't knowledge.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Like if you want to be a freelance writer, it's usually not about, hey, of course you can definitely get better at writing, but it's not about like, hey, I need to go figure out how to become a better writer over the next six months. You're probably already a pretty decent writer. You know what you need to do to get to the goal that you need to be at at six months.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
There might be a little bit of clarity that you need to figure out, but the problem most of the time isn't knowledge for people I've found. The problem is lack of action. So you've got to start to be really honest with yourself as you're going through this process. Are you actually putting in the work? Or are you just sitting around and thinking about it?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
So you want to give yourself no more excuses. No more, I don't have time. You have time. You're just not using it wisely. Use your time that is the free time that's around work and around the kids. And it might be five hours or 10 hours a week as of right now. But use it. Be fully locked in on those 10 hours a week.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
I was really inspired and saddened at the same time. I was talking with a good friend of mine and his dad had been at a job for 20 years and his dad got fired from the job after 20 years. And he thought for the longest time that his job was so quote unquote secure.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And then I want you to understand that your plan that you're going to create in step two, it's going to change. That's okay. It's not a big deal. Your first plan will not be perfect. You're going to hit a ton of roadblocks in the next six months. I promise you that. But you have to just adjust and keep going.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
As long as your destination stays the same and you're heading in the right direction and you're taking the right action, you will eventually get there. And so that's step number two. And then step number three, if you're really serious about hitting this goal, disappear for the next six months. This is the part that nobody talks about. And this is a step that most people will not do.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And that's why most people stay stuck. But for the next six months, go ghost. Disappear. Tell your friends, hey, I'm working on something big. I love you. I won't be around as much over the next six months. Don't go to those pointless parties anymore. Don't go over to your friends' drink beer on Sundays. No more wasting time scrolling on the internet.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Unfollow all of your distractions that keep you from taking the action that you need to. I promise you, hey, your favorite influencers, they're still going to be there in six months. They will. And guess what? They're going to be doing the same shit they've been doing for the past six months. It's just the same things. Oh my God, they're wearing another dress from some designer.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Oh my God, they're at the gym again. Oh my God, they're showing themselves put on makeup, right? They're doing all the same stuff. They're gonna be doing the exact same stuff in six months after you disappear. And I would recommend, like fully, fully recommend that you minimize social media as much as possible. Unless you're using it to make money, unless you're using it to grow your business,
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Delete it for six months. I promise you, you're going to love it. I've done it before. I deleted it for six months. Instagram, gone. Loved it. Amazing. I redownload it again. I forget that it's even on my phone. I rarely ever even use it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And if you have to use your Instagram and your social media for business, then pay attention to it and start limit, like limit the amount of time that you actually spend scrolling. Because if you don't control your environment, your environment's going to control you. Your friends, they're still going to be drinking at the same bars in six months.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
That Netflix series, it's still going to be there in six months. Nothing outside of you will change but you. I remember when my wife and I, we were boyfriend and girlfriend at the time. Years ago, we went and we traveled for six months. We went to Europe and we went to Thailand and we went to Bali and we went to Dubai and we went all over the place.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And we came back and we're like, I wonder what it's going to be like. We're gone for six months, almost exactly. We're like, I wonder what it's going to be like when we go back. How different are our friends going to be? Are they going to have these achievements that we didn't know about? We came back, it was like Groundhog Day. Everything was exactly the same.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
So I want you to understand that when you disappear for six months, it can feel a little bit scary, I know. But you're going to go right back into the exact same life. So nothing outside of you is going to change but you. You have to understand in these six months, even if you have a full-time job, even if you have children, I'm not saying don't feed your children for the next six months.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And I want to tell you this, not to scare anybody at all, but when you're working for someone else, it's not really, quote unquote, security. Because if we saw something in 2020, 35 million people in the United States alone got fired in 2020 when COVID came through. That's not real security. And so... I got inspired to really think like, all right, well, he needs to turn his life around.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
I'm saying do all the stuff that you have to do. Obviously, you have to keep your children alive. Obviously, you have to pay the bills. But around all of that, disappear. Go ghost. You are in full system reboot mode. Your old self, dead. Your new self, loading. That's what we're trying to work at.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And what we're trying to do is we're trying to change our skill set, change our mindset, and actually start to rewire a new identity within ourselves. And so what you want to do to start to... rewire your identity is speak as if you're already where you want to be. Stop saying like, I'm trying to start a business. Say, I'm an entrepreneur. I've got a jewelry business.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
So that's the first thing you want to do. Surround yourself with people who are already at the next level so that you can talk to them and see what they did to get there. And you can start to realize and kind of brainwash yourself. Oh my gosh, if they can do it, I can do it. So follow people that inspire you more. Read more about the people that inspire you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
Join a mastermind if you need to of people who are doing the exact same thing that you do. You can take actions at that point in time that then start to match your future self. If you were already successful, what would you be doing daily? Figure that out. Write it all down. And then what you do is you just start doing that stuff now.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
And so I want you to understand this isn't just about the money. It's not even about the money at all. Money is just a byproduct of the value that you give the world. This is about going on the journey of becoming who you want to become in the process. You'll become more disciplined throughout this process. You'll develop more confidence in yourself throughout this process.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
You'll prove to yourself that you can transform your life a lot faster than you think. Six months. That's all it takes. The time is going to pass anyways. Six months is going to be here at some point in time. The only question is, will you be in the exact same place or will you be completely unrecognizable? So just go all in. See what happens. That's all I got for you for today's episode.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So if you would share it, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And once again, if you want to start brainwashing yourself for your own personal success and what you want in this world, go to morningpriming.com.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Completely Change Your Life in 6 Months
You can download my free lesson there. Once again, morningpriming.com. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And hopefully we can change the world just a little bit, one person at a time. So if you do that, I'd greatly appreciate it. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And it's important to realize that someone that you're relating to, even if they're just a completely off their rocker, even being off the rocker is the best that they can do. If they could be doing better, they would be doing better. That also means that everything that's happened to you in your past, if someone could have done better, they would have done better.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
So everyone's always doing the best they can based off of everything that they know and everything that they've learned in their entire lives. And it's really important to remember that everybody has their own unique set of experiences emotions, thoughts, beliefs, triggers, and circumstances that greatly influence who they are as a person.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And it greatly influences their behavior, and then in turn, their actions as well. And I want you to understand, there are some people in your life that might be extremely difficult. You might have pushed them away. But it's really important that we learn to have compassion.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And I say this walking a very thin line because I do talk about if someone's very toxic to you, you should spend less time with them. But there is also the case of if you knew every single thing that somebody who is very difficult to deal with has been with, it would be easier to have compassion. The problem is, is that like, for instance, we only see the adult man who's an asshole.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
We don't see the six-year-old little boy who was verbally assaulted by his father every single day. You get that? Like, if we did, it would be way easier to have compassion for those people. And the line of work that I'm in, it's really hard just not to have compassion for everybody because I hear, I can have a conversation with somebody and they could seem like they're sweet and they're amazing.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
They've got it all together. And then they tell me about their past and I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe the hell that you've been through. And so they can sit in front of you and they can seem like they've got it all together. But then behind the scenes, you're like, I can't believe all that this person's been through. Almost all adults are are just wounded children and adult bodies.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And I really want you to understand that. So when I say that everyone's doing the best that they can with what they have, I'm being fully honest with you. Like, I believe that with every cell of my body. And many factors can influence a person's behaviors and actions. I mean, think about the past few years. Like, a lot has happened the past few years for mankind since, I don't know, 2020.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
Mental health issues have skyrocketed. People have been through ups and downs and they've been beat up, you know. mentally and emotionally and all of that. And you might be sitting in front of somebody, you might be like, this person's a complete asshole. This person's a complete dick and this person's got that.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
But that person can be struggling with a mental health issue that you just really don't even know. Like they don't present it. It could be extreme anxiety, depression. It could be guilt from things that they've done in the past and they can't get over. All of these things can greatly affect somebody's behavior and their ability to make decisions and how they present as a person.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
I created a video lesson to teach you exactly how to create a morning priming technique so you can prime your brain to think and act the way that you want to. If you want to get that video lesson for free, go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com and you can download it for free.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
They also might be dealing with personal problems as well. Like they could have financial difficulties. They could have relationship issues. Someone that they love could be really, really sick. Someone they love could, you know, have just died or they're about to be there. All of these things are all possibilities and people are just, so many people are just trying to keep it together.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And all of these things can cause them to act in ways that they might not normally act. And so it's important to have compassion for everyone as we never really know what someone else is going through. The only way that you would know what someone else is going through is if you walked a full month in their shoes and see every single thing that's going on.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
So I know this is hard, but instead of immediately judging people and condemning somebody for their actions, for what they say, for what they do, we should try to understand and acknowledge the various factors that have happened in their life that may have influenced their behavior.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
Whether that was something that happened in childhood, or whether that's something that was 20 minutes before they left their house in a phone call that they got about somebody being sick. And so by doing so, we can help create a more empathetic and understanding society. It's not saying you should let people off the hook,
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
But it's also like, hey, maybe we can support people and value people a little bit more rather than just judging and rejecting people, which is what I feel like a lot of people are doing nowadays. And so loving and supporting someone is better than lashing out at someone and probably what they need in the first place more than anything else.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And that will allow them to have a space that is a safe space to more easily change. And I'm not saying that any of this is easy, But what I'm saying is we should all try to be a little bit more compassionate to every person that's around us. Compassion makes us focus and try to find the good in people, even when it might not be immediately apparent that it's there.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
So instead of focusing on someone's negative actions, instead we can just kind of try to focus on and try to find good. Sometimes positive qualities and the good in that person that might exist. There's always good within a person. The worst person you could possibly find always has some sort of good within them. Nobody just becomes a adult. You understand? Like it doesn't just happen.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
Today, I'm going to be giving you two simple mindset shifts that will improve every single one of your relationships. Here's the deal, as a human, you have to be in relation, relationships, with every single person that comes into your life. Every single person you pass in the street, every person that stays long-term. Shouldn't we try to have the best possible relationships with other people?
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
No one's like, you know what? I was really happy being a nice person, but I think I'd be happier if I was an asshole. It doesn't happen that way. Things happen that make somebody feel like that's the way to go. And it's usually somebody who's an asshole, that's a protection mechanism. They're trying to protect themselves from something, right?
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
So also finding compassion in other people makes it a lot easier to operate in the world. And finding compassion for yourself makes your life a whole lot easier as well. When you find compassion for yourself and for other people, you don't carry as much anger and hatred for the person who's in front of you. And you can go, you know what? Yeah, I'm gonna have compassion for this person.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
I'm just gonna let it go. It's like the phrase, anger is the acid that burns the vessel. Like what does anger and resentment do for you? It does nothing for you. It hurts you. It doesn't hurt them at all. So when we practice compassion in some sort of way, we can feel a greater sense of happiness and contentment in our lives, as well as have a whole lot less stress and anxiety. That's for sure.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And listen, I get it. I completely understand. As I'm saying this, it can be really freaking difficult to have compassion for other people, especially the people who have really hurt you with their actions in the past. I get it. Compassion is not something that you're born with. Compassion is a practice more than anything else.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
It's something that we have to keep on practicing and we get better at as we start to see how our compassion shifts the people around us. But it's something that we can all work on and we can all improve. And we should all try to improve and to be more compassionate. But it's really important for you to remember and understand that it will greatly help you and change your life
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
but it'll also help everyone that you come in contact with as well. So that's number one. Understand everyone is doing the best they can with what they have, even if it doesn't seem like it. The second thing that you need to realize, and we will be right back. And now back to the show. In relationship with other people is that nobody can change your mood.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
Nobody can trigger you in some sort of way. Now you might be like, but hold on. My mom, when she calls me and says this to me, it really pisses me off. It really makes me mad. She changes my mood. It's her fault that I act this way. Well, here's what I want you to think about, okay? Think about the last time somebody really pissed you off. Think about it. Bring it to the front of your mind.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
Can you think about it? What was it that they did? What was it? Okay. Now, was it what they did that pissed you off? Or was it your reaction to it that pissed you off? It's never the actual thing that was done. It's our reaction to the thing that was done. What if I told you that what they did did not trigger you? You might be like, no, no, no, but my mom said this and she triggered me.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
No, no, no, no, no. She didn't trigger you. It was what you were thinking about what she did that triggered you. It's the internal conversation that you are having with yourself about what they did. Do you get that? Like, do you really, really get it? It's never what somebody else did to you that triggers you. It's what you are thinking about what they did that triggers you.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
I care less about what you do in this world. And I care more about the conversation that's happening inside of your mind. Because it's like, oh, well, your mom called you up and she said this. Well, that's what happened in reality. But what happened in your brain? What meaning did you give what she said? Oh my gosh, I can't believe she's doing this again. Why is she always doing this to me?
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
She's always trying to make me scared of what's happening in the world. She's so based in fear and I'm just so tired of it. Well, that's the conversation happening in your head. That's the thing that's making you triggered. You know, one of my favorite quotes, and I've shared this hundreds of times in this podcast, is Eleanor Roosevelt.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And it's the quote, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Nobody, which means you might say, oh, well, they said this to me and they made me feel bad. No, no, no, that's not what made you feel bad. It was they said something to you and then there was an internal conversation that happened in your head and that's what made you feel bad. And to be triggered is really important.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
No matter who they are, no matter where they come from, I think that we should try to have the best possible relationships that we can. And how do we have better relationships? Well, first off, we need to focus on what we can control. And the thing that will really help you the most is focusing on what you control, and that is your perception of yourself and other people in relation to each other.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you want to brainwash yourself to be the person you want to be, to change your beliefs about yourself, about the world, about what your potential is in this world,
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
Like I always say, being triggered is a gift. The gift is that this person is showing you where you're not free, where you are hung up in some sort of way in your own head. Because it's not about what someone does to you, it's about how you react to that thing. And it's like, one of my other favorite quotes that has to do with this is Viktor Frankl.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And Viktor Frankl was a psychologist who lived in Auschwitz and other Nazi prison camps. And he says, it's a rough quote, so I'm not going to say it perfectly, but it's something like, between stimulus and response, there is a space. And if you can master that space, you can master your life.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
So between stimulus, which is something happening, and response, which is our response to it, there's a space. And in that space, we're having a conversation in our head. It's usually a subconscious conversation and it happens so fast. But if you can master that space, you'll master your life. Because someone can come say something to you, and it could completely trigger you.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And they could go say the exact same thing to one of your friends, and one of your friends would laugh it off. So clearly it's not what's being said, it's your own interpretation of it, of what's being said. So if you can master your reactions, you can master being, not be triggered, I understand this is hard, or be triggered less, You start to master your emotions and master yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And so I always say that, as I said a minute ago, that being triggered as a gift is because that person comes and does something to you. You become triggered. That's the universe coming to you through that person to show you where you're still not free and hung up in your mind and hung up in your life and hung up in your head. Now you have the opportunity to learn and grow from that thing.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And so if you can really understand it, is that you have to understand that even though when you're triggered, you want to punch that person in the face, that person deserves a high five. Because you are trying to get a universal lesson right now from whatever created this entire universe of like, hey. You know how you're always triggered by this thing?
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
This is the thing that you need to work on to improve your life. I'm trying to show you right now, improve this and your life will get better. Now, once again, I understand this one is also not easy because when we're triggered, really what it is is it's a pattern that we're stuck in. And we need to become aware of our patterns and start to shift our patterns.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
So we've got to say, okay, well, next time I find myself in this situation where I feel myself getting triggered, what am I going to do? Because I'm stuck in a pattern of being triggered. I need to create a new pattern. And so it breaks down to three steps and you can write them down if you want to. I've said this before on the podcast, but I try to make everything as simple as possible.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
It's basically three steps. APR, awareness, practice, repetition. Awareness, I need to become aware when I'm being triggered. Okay, that's the awareness part. Practice, I need to figure out what my new practice is. When I find myself being triggered, I will do this. If this, then that.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
When I'm triggered, I will, you know, when someone pisses me off and I find myself being triggered, my practice is I will take 10 deep breaths. Two seconds in, 10 seconds out. And that'll take me two minutes. And so instead of getting triggered, getting mad, blowing up on somebody, and then 20 minutes later being like, oh my God, I shouldn't have said that. When I noticed my body start to ramp up,
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
And so I'm gonna explain this to you, and it's gonna make a whole lot of sense as we go through it. So let's just dive straight in. The first mindset shift you need to make and understand is that no matter what, Everyone is always doing their best. Now I get it. This can be really hard to accept because some people are really freaking difficult.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
I'm going to take my new practice. I'm going to go, nope, I'm not going to go down that pattern anymore because I don't have to be triggered. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to take what they said. I'm going to say, okay, no big deal. I'm going to do my 10 deep breaths. It's going to take me two minutes to do and I'm going to move on with my life. And it's not going to fix you the first time.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
It's not going to fix you the second, third, 100th time. But that's the R, the repetition. The more you do it over and over and over again, you'll start to realize that the things that triggered you in the past, a year ago, two years ago, five years ago, don't really trigger you anymore. And you can start to let go of things.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
Because if somebody else wouldn't be triggered by the exact same thing that you're triggered by, then it shows you it's not the event that's triggering, it's you that's allowing yourself to be triggered. Because no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. And so if you really want to improve your relationships, understand these two things.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
Number one, you've got to know that everyone is doing their best and you've got to find some sort of way to have more compassion. It will make you a better person. It will make you better in every single relationship. The second thing is no one can change your mood. You've got to take full ownership for any time that your mood changes and any time that you're triggered.
The Mindset Mentor
2 Skills for Healthy Relationships
That's all I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So if you would share it right now, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart because all I really want to do is just keep impacting more and more people.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Well, if I can take the car version of success to my destination of wherever it is I want to go, it'd be a lot faster than me crawling on my way to Dallas. And so the effort is the thing that we can't control. The time we can't control. And so what I would recommend is... Figure out what it is that you want, what feels in full alignment with you, and then you can control the effort.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
So put the effort in that you possibly can, make sure you're heading in the right direction, and then you've just gotta be patient. The time will eventually work its way out. The same way that it takes nine months for a baby to be born, it takes a certain amount of time that you don't know and I don't know, but the universe has decided in order for you to get the life that you want,
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
As long as you just don't give up, you'll eventually get there. Might take one year, might take five, might take 10, might take 15, but eventually you will be there. And when you get there, you realize, damn, I'm so glad that I started on this journey. I'm so glad I didn't stop. So those are my two biggest keys for success. So if you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is when you guys share it. So every time you share it, I greatly, greatly appreciate it. because we grow through grassroots and you guys are helping us grow. So if you would do that, I'd greatly appreciate it.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And also, if you love this podcast, you want to get those inspirational text messages from me, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
through my life in order to have any form of success, whatever success means to you, that's what I thought, whether it's in business or money or relationships or happiness or whatever it might be, I thought that success had to be hard. And I think many people, listen to me right now, think that success has to be hard, that you have to struggle to get there.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And a lot of people are holding themselves back from creating the life that they want or the business that they want, because they're like, yeah, struggle doesn't sound fun. Now I will say this, success does require hard work. You know, if you're trying to have business success, it will take work. If you're trying to have a great relationship, it will take work.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
If you want to have great health and fitness and body, it will take work. If you want to be a great parent, it's going to take work. But the biggest mistake that I see when people are trying to build a business or make money in some sort of way is that they chase the money. And that is really the most interesting thing is that the money is the end goal.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
In my first year of college, I went for a degree simply because I knew that it paid well. And then I was like, I don't wanna do this for the rest of my life. This looks like it sucks. Like it will require hard work in your life, but it doesn't mean that your life has to be hard while you're doing it.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
It will require hard work, but you can work hard doing something that you don't like and you don't enjoy and eventually make a lot of money. If you have enough willpower, you can force yourself to do something that you hate simply because you wanna get to the end result of making a million dollars.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
But once you hit that end goal of whatever it is that you wanted, you've now basically gotta keep doing that thing. Because you're like, well, I've spent the last 15 years building my life to build this business. And even though I hate this business, I'm kind of a slave to my business and I have to stay here because this is, yep, this is the ladder that I built up this wall.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And so you could do something that you hate and have financial success if you want. Or you can work hard.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
doing something that you love that feels fully aligned with who you are, with your heart and with your soul and who you are as a person and your traits and your characteristics that you want to have in this world, you can find something that is in full alignment and you can still get to financial success. The interesting thing that I've found is that money almost never comes right away. But
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
In the long term, you usually make way more than you could have possibly expected. And that's the interesting thing about it, is that if you're doing something because you just want to make money, you can get there. I promise you, you can. I've seen many people succeed and then hate their lives. But you could also do something that you love. And you can succeed doing that.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
In long term, you can turn it into something that could be very financially successful. And so the money almost never comes right away. But over the long term, it usually comes. Because when you do something for 5, 10, 15 years, you start to become an expert at that thing.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And when you become an expert at anything, people are also interested in whatever that thing is that you do, and they want to pay you in order to learn from you. So success, the way I like to see success, whatever success means to you, it's different for every single person, is a marathon. If you love what you do, If you're interested in it, you can outlast anybody.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Today, I'm gonna talk to you about what I believe are my two biggest keys to success. And for me, I'll be honest with you, I have, at 39 years old almost, I have built a life that I am proud of. I have been able to check off most of the boxes that I wanted to check off in my life. When I look back and look through my goals in my journals 10, 12, 15 years ago,
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
But if you don't love what you do, you're going to burn out eventually, whether it's three years or five years or seven years or 15 years. But 20, 30 years down the road, no way. You're burning out. That's for sure. So you might as well pick and do something that you love. It's like, there's a quote that Oprah said a long time ago that I heard.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And she says, money comes second, passion comes first. And I really do think that that is the biggest piece of it is when I see people who are passionate about something, like I'm very passionate about mindset and psychology and neurology and early childhood development. Like I just, I'm obsessed. I think it's the coolest thing in the world to look at another human and be like,
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Why are you the way that you are? Like, that's interesting to me. I like real estate, but I'm not passionate about real estate. But I have a friend who is so freaking passionate about real estate. And he loves it. And he is incredibly successful at it because he followed his passion. And he has had massive amounts of monetary success because of it.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
This is what it really comes down to is like, can you find something that you can fall in love with? Can you find something that seems fun? Like, can you find something? And this is a phrase that I've heard before. Can you find something that looks like work to everybody else, but feels like play to you? What might that thing be?
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
What would look like work to everybody else, but will feel like play to you? And I would recommend that you don't make money. And I've made this mistake, okay? Don't make money the goal or the end result that you're going for. Because I believe that money is a byproduct of the value that you give the world.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And so how can you find something that you're very passionate about, that you're super interested in, that you want to learn about, that you want to get better at, whatever it might be, and then try to become one of the best in the world at that thing, whatever it is. And this is why you see people, I think, that become like crazy wealthy. And people look at them and they're like, they're so rich.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Why don't they just retire? And it's like, it was never about the money for them. It was usually about some sort of passion or some sort of interest or something that they're like, that's kind of fun. I want to try this thing out. And it's fun. So they just keep doing it. And it's fun. So they put in a ton of hard work. But because it's fun to them, it doesn't feel like hard work.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And they outlast everybody else. It's like the phrase, the man who loves walking. will go further than the man who's running for a goal. So like if you're just trying to run a marathon, yeah, you'll run a little bit and you'll get there and you'll get, you know, in a couple months, a couple hundred miles under your belt.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
But if someone just loves walking, they're going to walk all the time, multiple times a day, at least once a day for their entire life. And over the course of their entire life, the guy who's walking, he's going to go much further just because of the fact that he loves to go for a walk. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And so how can you find that thing that you want to do that feels in alignment with you? And I will tell you this, it's not always the easiest thing to find because it goes back to the phrase, which is your fears will scream at you, your inspiration will whisper. A lot of times people are keeping themselves so busy
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
in their emails, in their fears, in their limiting beliefs, in doom scrolling on Instagram and TikTok. They're so busy watching Netflix and watching Hulu. They're so damn busy that they don't give themselves enough time to listen to that quiet whisper that's deep down inside? Because your fears will always scream at you, your inspiration will whisper.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
So it's like, can you get quiet enough to hear that whisper? And so the first thing is, what is it that feels fully in alignment with who you are, with your heart, and with your soul? The second key to success that I have, and it's not that sexy, and I don't really hear it very often. In reality, it might surprise you a little bit for some people, But here it is.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
The majority of the things that are in there, I actually checked off and it's an amazing thing to see. So I feel like I can consider myself qualified to give advice on this. I think in the past, if I would have said, hey, here's two keys to be successful 20 years ago, I'd be like, here's kind of what I'm seeing in other people. but I'm not really noticing in my own life.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
The second key to success, in my opinion, is patience. And I'll explain to you why that is. And I'll explain to you a few other things around it. But we live in a world where everything is basically immediate. If I get hungry right now, I can go on DoorDash. And by the time I finish this episode, the food that I just ordered is at my front door. Knowledge, it's immediate.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
I can just go in and I can ask Siri whatever question I have and she's gonna give it to me and tell me everything that's ever, any piece of knowledge that's ever existed in the entire world. Everything is so immediate in this world. But success, it's not immediate. It ain't. It takes time. And I think a lot of people, because everything's becoming so immediate, are becoming less and less patient.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
So if you want to completely set yourself apart from everyone else, be patient. I was live earlier this week in my course, Business Breakthrough, where I teach people how to grow their coaching businesses online. And one of the questions that was asked was like, hey, how do we succeed faster?
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And I was like, well, like I'll give you all of the tips and the entire course teaches you how to succeed faster. But if you want to continue to make it go faster than that, sometimes it's just about doing the thing over again, long-term, and eventually you'll succeed at the level that you want to. And it goes back to like,
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
When I think about success, I always think about the Chinese bamboo example because I think that it's the perfect example of it where you look at it and you say, all right, the Chinese bamboo, if you've never heard it, you take a Chinese bamboo seed and you put it in the ground and you water it, give it the water that it needs, give it the sun that it needs, everything.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
The first year, the seed doesn't break out of the ground. Second year, seed doesn't break out of the ground. Third year, seed doesn't break out of the ground. Fourth year, seed doesn't break out of the ground. Fifth year, It will break out of the ground and it will grow 80 feet in six weeks, sometimes up to two feet a day. Like you can literally watch it grow sometimes.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And that's how success is, is that it requires patience. It requires long-term patience. Like I always tell people, and I gave the example when I was live and this question was asked to me, is that when I started the podcast back in 2015, I hit a certain amount of downloads per month and I stayed there for five years. I made $0 off the podcast for the first five years.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
There were no ads, none of that. And so for five years, I just put out three to four episodes every single week and the podcast did not grow at all. It just stayed the same. And then some events in the world happened and it was like the synchronicities happened. And within about three months, it went from being exactly the same amount of downloads every single month for five years.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And then within three months, it's 70x, like 70 times more downloads. And it became one of the top downloaded podcasts in the entire world. And it was only because, and I saw it as like the Chinese bamboo. It took five years for the Chinese bamboo to grow. It took five years for the podcast to finally explode. And so most people...
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Now that I'm, you know, as old as I am and I've been in business for 19 years, you know, since I was 19 years old, I can really start to say, I think that these are my two biggest keys to success. These are for me. This is what I've noticed in my life. This is what I've noticed in friends that are successful as well.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Don't put in effort for five years without getting more and more and more and more results. And that's why going back to the very first tip, I think that it's so important is it didn't, the results didn't necessarily matter to me because I felt so in alignment and success is not immediate. So you want to be aligned with something. And so you've got to have some patience.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
A lot of times we think that because somebody just pops out up out of nowhere, it seems like they build this massive company and they become a unicorn company and they're worth a billion dollars in their first year. You think, oh my God, it's just this massive overnight success. But you don't see the 10, 15, 20 years of hard work
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
of accumulating knowledge of accumulating skills that they had to have in order to get there and so to everyone looking from the outside who had never heard of this person it seems like a meteoric rise but in reality it was a really really slow burn for a long time which is why being in alignment is really important is because you will last long term.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
But then number two, you have to have the patience. As I get older, I can start to see that all of the little micro decisions that I made in my life paid off Because I was just simply persistent and patient. And I was like, I have this feeling that it's going to work. I have this feeling that something's going to take off and I feel fully in alignment. So what else am I going to do in my life?
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Something that feels out of alignment? Screw that. I'd rather make less money doing something that I love than making more money doing something that I hate. And then what's crazy about it is then it exploded and I was like, oh, I'm making more money than I ever did doing something that I love versus when I was doing something that I hated when I was younger.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast. And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you want to get some mindset and inspirational text messages throughout the week, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
And so you can be patient, but you first have to decide what it is that you want. And that's really important. Before you can be patient, you have to figure out what it is that you want. That's the very first step. Before I start driving my car, I have to decide where I'm going.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
I'm not just going to jump in my car and be like, well, let me take a left turn here and let me go right and see if I can end up at the place that I don't know what I'm going to. Otherwise, you're just wandering around. Too many people are just wandering around in their lives. So once you've decided what it is that you want, What I recommend doing is if like, okay, I decide this is what I want.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
This feels the most aligned for me in my life. My heart and soul feels like this could be the thing that I want to do. Like I could be passionate about this thing. Once you figure that out, then you're like, yeah, I think this is it. Get rid of all other options. You have to make up your mind. You have to burn the ships.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
So it doesn't mean this is absolutely the two biggest, but I think they're going to hit home with you. So the first key, which I think is extremely, extremely important and extremely underrated and not talked about is alignment. When I was young, I used to think that you had to struggle to be successful. I thought that it had to be hard, that I would have to white knuckle my way
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
You should not have a plan B because it distracts from plan A. As the great philosopher Marshall Mathers once said, success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not. So it's got to be this mindset of like, hey, I'm either going to succeed at this or I'm going to die trying. And this is where a lot of people stop. It doesn't work out after three months. And then they give up.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
If you want to succeed, simple tip, just stop stopping. So that's the first thing. What is it that you want? Figure it out. Get very clear on it. Have no plan B. Next step is to get moving. It doesn't matter how fast you go. It just matters that you're heading in the right direction. I always say if I decide to go to Dallas, I live in Austin, I just have to go north. I can take a car.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
I can take a plane. I can walk. I can take a bike. But as long as I'm heading in the right direction, I will eventually end up in Dallas. And the direction that you're heading in your life is way more important than the speed that you're going. And one of the only things that you can control in your life is effort. There's very few things that you can control in your life.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Most things in life we can't control, but you can 100% control the effort that you put into something. And the more effort you put into something, the more likely you are to succeed. And everything in this world takes a certain amount of time.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
You know, like imagine if I had walked up to my wife, Lauren, when she was pregnant with our son and like tapped her on the shoulder and been like, hey, listen, like, you know, I know you're supposed to, you're supposed to have the baby in nine months. Is there a way you could get it done in like six months? Because I really want to take a vacation. She'd look at me and be like, are you an idiot?
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
Like everybody knows it takes about nine months for a baby to be born. The universe has decided that. Well, the universe has decided how long it's going to take for you to get the success that you want. The effort and the time, they're going to work themselves out. The effort is the thing that you can control. The time is not something that you can control.
The Mindset Mentor
My Biggest Keys to Success
So as long as I'm controlling the direction that I'm heading and the effort that I'm going in, eventually I will get to where I want to go. The only thing that you can control in that situation is the effort. So for me, it's like, why don't I put in as much effort as I possibly can, and then maybe I'll get to my destination sooner. It's like taking a car to Dallas versus walking there.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
And it's this idea that I want to share with you of opportunity versus obligation, okay? Opportunity versus obligation. Your brain will almost always go to the easiest, safest route. So if you want to change your life, you're going to need to consciously change go the hard route sometimes. And so when I say obligation versus opportunity, let me give you a few examples of exactly what I mean.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Many people wanna start working out more, or they wanna be consistent working out, or they wanna work out harder, right? But they don't always do it. Why is it? It's because they're focusing on the obligation that's in front of them, the short-term obligation, which is the action needs to be taken. The obligation for working out is you gotta work harder.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
It's a lot easier to sit on a couch than it is to go and work out. The obligation is you've got to put your body through some strain. You got to hurt yourself a little bit. You got to strain your muscles. You got to get out of breath. It's easier to not do anything. It's easier to stare at the ceiling and lay on the couch than it is.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
And that's why most people don't take actions because they're focusing on the obligation that's right in front of them. The opportunity is what you want to start getting yourself to focus on though. The opportunity is what could come later on down the road
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
long term so what's an example of opportunity for working out losing weight maybe being proud of the way that you look in a bikini maybe it's gaining muscle maybe it's living longer okay so the obligation is yes i need to in the short term take action put strain on my body get my heart rate up sweat be out of breath Okay, that's the obligation. The opportunity is I could lose weight.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
I could be healthier. I could have more energy. I could look better in a bathing suit than I've ever looked since I was 17 years old. I could gain muscle, whatever it is for you. That's the obligation versus the opportunity. Most people focus on the obligation. What I'm trying to get you to do is to start looking more at the opportunity. Let's say that you want to eat healthier, right?
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Today, we're gonna be talking about why some people take action and why most people stay stuck forever. And this is one of the biggest hangups that I see that stops people from creating the life that they want. Like most people know they want a better life. They consciously want to create a better life, but they keep stopping themselves and they can't figure out why it is.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
The obligation is you've got to stay away from certain foods that you're used to eating.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
you got to say no to some really delicious shit sometimes and this is where people don't eat healthy not saying that eating healthy isn't delicious it can be but there are some very delicious foods that are not good for you means you're not going to eat as much sugar sugar's great tastes amazing and people don't like change they'd rather not stop eating the things they love eating that's the obligation what's the opportunity later on down the road of eating healthier well
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
I'm going to have a lot more energy throughout the day. I will probably stay alive longer for my kids. I'll be able to walk my daughter down the aisle, which, you know, if you're 100 pounds overweight right now, it might not be an opportunity for you. But if you do take the right actions, the long-term opportunity is, yeah, you could still be around.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
You could be able to be mobile enough to walk your daughter down the aisle to pay with your grandkids. That's the obligation versus the opportunity. Let's say that you're in sales. I know a lot of people in sales listen to me or some form of sales or business, right? The obligation is you gotta put in some work. You gotta make some calls. You've gotta get rejected on some calls.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Maybe some people are gonna hang up on you and you've gotta deal with like, oh my God, is there something wrong with me? That story that might pop up inside of your head, that's the obligation. I've got to sit here for the next two hours and just pound the phone and just see if I can get some people to answer. That's the obligation. Cold calling, if you've never done it before, it sucks.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
There's a reason why sales is a high-paying profession. It's because it ain't the most fun when you're doing the hard things. The opportunity of it, of making the cold calls, is maybe you can buy your first house. That's a long-term opportunity. You can pay for your children's education.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
You can take your family on trips that when you were a child would have never even been able to dream of because your parents didn't have the money. Maybe you can buy your mom a car because you always want to buy. Maybe you could get so good at sales that you could buy your mom a house later on down the road. That's the opportunity. Most people are not focusing on the opportunity.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
What are they focusing on? The obligation. I got to put in work for the next couple hours. That's what they're thinking. Waking up early. Okay. Obligation. You got to get out of your warm, comfortable, beautiful, amazing bed when you could just fall. Like how comfortable is your bed when the alarm goes off? It's the most comfortable at that moment.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
There's nothing more comfortable in the entire world than your bed when your alarm goes off. So the obligation is you've got to get out of that thing. It's much easier just to stay in bed and to not do it. The opportunity though, how much better you're going to feel after having your morning routine. How much better I will treat people if I get my meditation in.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
How much more calm and peaceful I will feel to just wake up and drink my coffee in silence for 30 minutes before I just rush into my day. Those things are the opportunity. The obligation, I got to get my out of my bed and we will be right back. And now back to the show. Let's say starting a business, maybe a side hustle, maybe a full-time business, right?
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
The obligation, I have to work extra hours. I've already got a full-time job. I got children and I've got to work extra hours to build this business. The obligation, I might fail. Obligation, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I need to learn new skills. I need to be uncomfortable. The opportunity? Hey, if this works, I can create massive financial independence for myself and for my family.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
What else? Well, I get to build something that I'm fully passionate about versus doing something that I hate. Or I can control my own schedule and my future. I can work from anywhere in the world. Well, that's the opportunity that's in front of you. But do we really focus on that? No, we focus on, I just got done with work. Just put the kids to bed. Okay. I'd just rather do nothing right now.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
We don't think about how our life can be drastically different if we take the right actions right now. What about saving money? That's one of the things that I hear a lot of people have trouble with. The obligation, I have to cut back on things that I enjoy doing. I can't just buy whatever I want. And budgeting, that takes time. And you know what also it takes? Discipline.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
It's way easier just to go buy some stuff than it is to be disciplined. I also have to maybe learn about how to become better at saving and investing money. Those are the obligations. The opportunity, I can have financial freedom in my future. I can retire earlier. I can travel anywhere that I want to. I can invest now. I could do all of those things. I could not stress about money ever again.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
So if you can master this, It's going to be so much easier for you to take action towards the life that you want to create the future that you want to create. And so, obviously, we all need to do things to change our life. Like, that's just not going to change. You can't sit around and just meditate a different life. You have to do different actions.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Those are the opportunities, but do we focus on those? No, we know that they're there, but we focus on the obligation. I'd have to cut back on things that I like buying, but I want to buy another purse, right? Let's say that you want to get better at public speaking. What's the obligation? Oh my God, it's so nerve wracking your first few times. I have to take time. I've got to prepare the speech.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
I've got to make sure I don't look like an idiot. People might judge me. That's the obligation that's in front of me. The opportunity. Oh my God, I get to share my message. I get to inspire people. I'm building my confidence. That will help me in every single area of my life. This could open up new career opportunities for me.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Maybe I could be a professional public speaker and I could quit my day job with this boss that I hate. Those are the opportunities. Do we focus on them often? No, we know that they're there. We just usually focus on, well, I don't want to look like an idiot. What if people think I look stupid? What if I trip on the way up? We focus on the obligation.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Let's say I want to learn a new skill in some sort of way. I want to learn a language. I want to start coding. The obligation takes a lot of time and effort. I'm probably going to look like an idiot at first. I'm going to mess up a lot. I have to practice consistently. The opportunity, I'll become more valuable in my career. I'll meet new people. I'll have richer experiences because of it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
I'll prove to myself that I can learn anything. And so I want you to understand, and the reason why I give you so many examples is because so many people don't take the action that they want to because they're too busy looking at this short-term next two hours to next two days versus looking at what could be different about my life if I do something different. And so...
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
One thing, if you really want to set yourself apart, what I have found is look at what everybody else in the world is doing or the majority of people in the world are doing and do the exact opposite. What are most people doing right now? They're scrolling on their phone. They're sitting in front of the TV. They're eating crap food from a box. They're not moving their body.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
They're not challenging themselves. They're not learning more. They're not trying to become better. There's many things that people are doing. So I'm looking at all of this. I'm going, if I want to set myself apart from other people, I need to do the exact opposite of everybody else. And it looks like to me, everybody else or most people, I want to say, are focused on such short-term gains.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
This tastes good in my mouth, so I'll eat it. Versus going, you know what? I'll choose the healthier route so that I can live longer. I can look better. I can have more energy. I can have more success and more fun and more mobility when I get older. Most people are looking at, hey, this tastes good right now.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Can I just put this stuff in my mouth for the next 30 seconds and eat it and I'll feel good for 30 seconds and then gain a pound over the next week by doing it? Versus going, hey, let me Let me take a step back. What's the long-term result of me doing this thing? Is it what I want in my life or is it not what I want in my life?
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
You have to do harder things than you're currently doing to make a better life. And you've got to stop holding yourself back, but... You have to understand your brain is not wired to do that. Your brain is not designed to do the harder thing when it's not necessary in this moment. Your brain is wired for short-term focus.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
And what it requires you to do is to make a hard decision in the moment. It is so much harder to say no to the easy things, the convenient things that are right in front of you than to say, it's so much harder to say no to those things than it is to say yes to the long-term things that we need to do. Like, I don't want to work out, but I'll do it anyways.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
I don't want to wake up early, but I'll do it anyways. I don't want to have to read, but I'll do it anyways. Like, I don't enjoy reading. I always tell people, I don't enjoy reading, but I do enjoy learning and becoming better more than I don't enjoy reading. And so I don't enjoy reading, but I do want to become better. So I'm going to become better instead of not reading. Does that make sense?
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
And so there's always going to be things that you have to do to get what you want in your life. They must be done. You're still going to have to do the obligation, but the difference is instead of just focusing on the obligation while you're doing it and having that be the thing that stops you, what I would prefer to do is think of the long-term opportunity while doing the obligation.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you wanna get some inspirational text messages from me, some mindset tips and tricks, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
And to be honest with you, like just with all the love in my heart, I'm going to say this. You just got to grow up at some point. Just be an adult. No one's going to come and save you. If your life is going to change, you have to be the person to change it. So many people out there are just waiting for someone to come and save them and change their life. It ain't gonna happen.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
There's no knight in shining armor coming around the bend for you. You've gotta be your knight in shining armor. And so what you gotta do is you gotta focus on the outcome that you want and have that be front of mind. Focus on your vision. Focus on what you're creating. Focus on who you wanna become.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Focus on what's gonna change your life and how it's gonna change your family's life and how it's gonna change the generations after your children. Focus on all of that while still doing what needs to be done. Don't focus on the outcome that you don't want. Focus on what it is that you want and do the things that need to be done in order to get there.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
And if you do that, you will be one of the few people that actually take action versus one of the people that stay stuck forever. So that's all I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Some People Take Action and Others Stay Stuck Forever
You've probably heard like life is either hard now and easy later or easy now and hard later. Well, it's because our brain is always looking at the short term. But if you can look through a different frame, like through a different lens, and start seeing long term, you will change what you do on a day-to-day basis drastically.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
You standing up there and you feel confident, you feel strong and you feel in flow. And the moment that you finish, all of the people start clapping and they appreciate everything that you said and what it feels like after you get off the stage and you just gave a great speech. And now you're shifting your focus and you change your brain's response.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
So instead of feeling fear, you can actually start to feel excitement. Instead of feeling dread, you can actually feel like, oh my God, there's some possibility. We could have an amazing outcome. This could go way better than I think that it could. And you're gonna start to feel the feelings of it going way better than you were originally imagining.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And so I want to give you a story from my life because one of the things that's funny is people ask me questions like, well, how are you past your fears? How have you mastered yourself, your mindset? I'm like, I haven't. I still have all of the same fears. I just kind of have some tools in my tool belt to get myself out of fear or anxiety quicker than I used to.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And then step number four is to take action anyways. Even with this shift, your fear still might linger a little bit. It's not going to be as strong, but it might linger and that's okay. You don't have to get rid of your fears in order to take action. You can take action in spite of your fears. You can feel your fears, you can dance with them, and you can just take action with them anyways.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
The goal isn't to eliminate fear completely because you probably will never do that. But the goal is to make sure it doesn't make your decisions for you. You want to be the one that's making the decisions, not your fears. Fear only controls you if you let it. So the next step is to do it anyways. It's to get in the plane and to fly.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
It's to step on the stage and give the best presentation that you can. It's to have the conversation that you need to have. It's to ask that person out, to feel the fear and to do it anyways. Because once you move through it, you realize something that's really powerful. Fear is just this paper tiger. It looks scary, but it has no real teeth.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And so you need to understand that if you're feeling fear, if you're feeling anxiety, it's coming from your own mind and nowhere else. So you've got to take a step back, reframe it, and then focus on the outcome that you want versus the outcome that is the most scary to you. And if you do that, it'll make it a lot easier to work through your fears and anxieties.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. If you want to get my free lesson on how to brainwash yourself so that you are in control of your own brainwashing and create a mental priming technique that you run every single morning, go to morningpriming.com.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
Once again, morningpriming.com. You can download it for free. And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And so this past week, I'll give you a really good example, okay? This past week was not really a good week in aviation in the United States. So there was three plane crashes that happened in one week. And, you know, it's terrible. One of them was the worst one in the United States since 2009. And that was last week at the moment of me recording this. And this weekend...
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
was supposed to be my very first solo flight, which is basically where I drop off my flight instructor, he gets out of the plane, and I have to go fly it alone for the very first time. And so I'm seeing on the news and on YouTube and everywhere on the internet, all of these crazy plane crashes and things that have happened, these terrible stories and these sad stories that happened.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And if you're out there and you want to create yourself your own morning brainwashing technique, I call it morning priming routine, you can go ahead and download my free lesson that shows you step by step by step how you can create your own routine. every single morning that primes your brain and your subconscious to become the person that you want to be and take the actions you want to take.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And then I'm thinking in my mind, oh my God, I've got to fly a plane for the very first time this weekend by myself. And even though I'm completely ready for it, and I have way more hours than the average person that does their first solo, I found myself terrified of what could happen. And I was thinking about all of the crashes that happened.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And I was thinking, oh my God, what if it happens to me? And I started thinking and almost accidentally visualizing tragedy happening when I go to fly the plane. And I could feel, this is the important part, I could feel inside of my body, my body was getting nervous and I was getting scared and it was trying to protect itself.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And so then I realized what was going on because I'm not immune to fear. I just noticed it and I was able to get myself out of it. And so I realized that my fear wasn't coming from actual reality in my life. Now, sure, things happened in the past, But that's not actual reality of what's going to happen in the future. And my fear, my anxiety around all of it was coming from what I was focusing on.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
Do you get this? It wasn't in my reality of what was going to happen this weekend in the future. It was all in my head. But it felt like it was in reality because I can look and say, well, this happened in this place and this happened in this place and this happened in this place. And I can be terrified of it and say, oh my God, well, that's reality.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
But it's not reality in the future because the future hasn't happened yet. But I was projecting myself unconsciously into the future and being afraid of what could happen. And here's the important thing I really want you to understand is that both possibilities in this moment are equally as real. In this moment, I want you to understand this.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
The possibility in the future of me having something go wrong while I'm flying the plane is equally as real as me taking off and having the best flight of my entire life and loving it and thinking it's amazing and being so excited and proud of myself for doing it. In this moment, both of them are equally as real. Now, do we think one of them is more real than the other one?
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
Yes, our brain is making up a fear and we think that that fear is real. So one version, I mess up, something goes wrong, there's a disaster. The other version, I have the time of my life, I'm soaring through the sky, I feel powerful and free. This is one of my childhood dreams. I want you to understand you did not lose your imagination in your childhood.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
All too often I talk to adults and they're like, well, I'm just not as, I don't have the imagination that I used to. You know, I remember when I was a kid, I used to have such a great imagination.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And then I'm like talking to them and then they're talking about all of these fears that are holding them back and all of these unconscious visualizations that they have that are keeping them from taking action. I'm like, no, no, no. You still have that incredible imagination. It's just, you're not using it anymore. It's using you.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
You're still imagining all the time, every single moment, as rich as you used to when you were a child. But most people are just imagining the worst case scenario all of the time, and it's paralyzing them and keeping them from taking the action that they need to to change their life. And so both outcomes, all outcomes exist in your mind.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And I want you to understand, if it's not about flying a plane like it was for me in this moment, that's just an example. Some of you guys want to get into a relationship. And you're thinking about all of your failed relationships and your marriage that ended in divorce and how you were cheated on and all that stuff.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And you're projecting it into the future and saying, well, if I did get into another relationship, I could get cheated on again. I could have my heart broken again. And man, that was really painful. I don't want to do that again. And you're projecting into that future. But that future...
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
So if you want to download that absolutely free, go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com and you can download it for free. Today, I'm going to be talking to you about how to stop your fear and your anxieties that are holding you back. Let's talk about it.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
In this moment, in this present moment, in this very second where you're listening to my voice is equally as real as you getting into another relationship, finding the love of your life, getting married and sailing off into the sunset happy. Both of them are equally as real, but you feel like one of them is more likely to happen because you're projecting your past into your future.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And we will be right back. And now back to the show. Another example, let's say you want to start a business, but you're just so fearful of starting your business because you have failed businesses in the past, or maybe your dad or your uncle had failed businesses in the past and you saw how hard it was for them.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And so you're thinking to yourself, well, I want to start this business, but what if it fails? What if I lose money and I spend time and energy and money to try to get this thing going and it still fails?
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
Well, that failed business as equally as real as you starting this business and growing it to a million dollars a year and having all of the success and happiness and everything, achievement that you wanted, both of those are equally as real where it fails and you become a multimillionaire that are equally as real in this moment. But what do we focus on? Usually the one that we don't want.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And so both of the outcomes existed in my mind, but only one of them was taking over. And it was up to me to think about it and decide which one I wanted to feed last week. So I decided to reframe my focus. So instead of fueling the fear and thinking about all of the worst things that could happen, I started picturing everything I wanted to happen.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And so for hours, whenever the baby was asleep and I was holding onto him, I would go onto YouTube and I would watch People flying planes that, you know, the plane that I fly is called a Cirrus SR-22T. So I went onto YouTube and I typed in Cirrus SR-22T solo, first solo.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
I'm watching everybody do their first solo flights and their first cross country flights and what it looked like and how excited that they were and all of that. And then I was like, you know what? This is cool, but let's make it more fun. And so I was like, I'm going to watch Top Gun 2. And I watched Top Gun 2 and I was like, this is amazing.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And I started getting into like the feeling of like the pure joy of flying. And I came across a video of the Blue Angels, which if you're not in America, you might know who the Blue Angels are. They are some of the most elite, like elite, elite, elite pilots in the world.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
When you look at fear, when you look at anxiety, they are these sneaky little thieves that steal away so many amazing moments in your life. And what it does is they convince you the worst case scenario is most likely going to happen. If you think about it, if you've ever felt paralyzed by fear or caught in an anxiety spiral, you know exactly how powerful this can feel.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And there's a video online of them visualizing together in a group, all of the guys are on the table and speaking out loud as if they're actually in the planes. They have their eyes closed and they're holding on to the throttle and they're holding on to the stick and the yoke and they're calling out their turn. They're calling out, you know, going up, going down, movement, all of that.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And they do an entire visualization of them flying the plane. And I was like, these are some of the most elite pilots people at what they do in the entire world, and they're visualizing what they want to happen before they go out. How few people do that in their life, visualize exactly the way that they want something to be executed before they go out and do it. So I was like, you know what?
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
Screw it. I'm going to do that. So I started visualizing what it would look like to have a successful flight. I visualized going to this airport, which is called Temple Airport, dropping off my flight instructor, going down, taxiing down, speaking on the radios, Temple Traffic, Sirius SR22T, taking off runway 16. I'm going to be staying in the pattern for touch and goes, Temple Traffic.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
I'm talking to myself out loud. Then I visualize, okay, I'm going to get it to runway 16. I'm going to hit the throttle. I'm going to hit the left rudders. I hit the throttle so that I can make sure I stay in the runway. Then as soon as we get to, okay, airspeed's alive, okay, once we get to 77 knots, we're going to pull back and we're going to rotate and it's going to be off into the sky.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
I visualized talking to myself the way it's going to go, the way it's going to be. You know what happened? What happened? I went from thinking about the worst that could happen, crashing the plane, what if this happens to me, to my fear shrinking, I'm watching all these people fly, my anxiety lost its grip over me, my excitement took over, and I actually got excited to go flying this weekend.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
So this happens to me as much as it happens to any other person. But the secret to stopping fear is not about trying to conquer fear. It's about choosing what you give your attention to. And what you give your attention to is 100% something that you control. We can't control what's gonna happen in the future.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
But right now in this moment, our attention and what we give our attention to is 100% in our control. And the reason why fear feel so real is because your brain doesn't know the difference between your imagination and reality. It reacts the same to both. And I remember the first time I heard this, I was like, that sounds kind of crazy.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
But I heard this about 20 years ago and it gets more and more true and all the studies keep coming out of the way that your brain and body react to your imagination being equal to the way that they react to something actually happening in your reality. And that's the reason why you can feel anxious about something that hasn't even happened yet.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
You can sit in this moment in the air conditioned house that you're in and you can feel massive amounts of flood and anxiety about something that hasn't even happened yet. your brain and your body treats it as if it's actually a real-time event, as if it's actually happening right now.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
So if you sit there and you imagine failing at whatever it is that you're afraid of failing at, your body will respond in this moment as if you're already failing right now. If you're afraid of rejection and you picture being rejected, your body, your nervous system reacts as if it's happening right now in this moment. And this is why fear and anxiety can be so overwhelming for people.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
Your brain is literally running a worst case scenario simulation and your body is reacting to it as if it's actually happening in this moment. I really want you to get this with every cell of your body. All 40 trillion cells.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
The reason why it's so overwhelming for you is because your brain is creating the worst case scenario and it's simulating it in your mind right now through usually unconscious visualization. And your body is reacting to that as if it's happening in this moment. But here's the game changer of all of it. You can use the exact same mechanism that's keeping you paralyzed.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
But the truth is, fear and anxiety only has the power that we give it. And so if you have a lot of fear, that's holding you back, you're giving it the power. If you have a lot of anxiety that's holding you back, you're the one that's giving it all of its power. And so today I'm gonna talk about how to take your power back and how to reframe your mind to be something better.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
You can use the exact same mechanism in your favor. So instead of letting fear take over, you can train your brain to visualize the best case scenario instead. Exactly like I did when I went onto YouTube and I started watching videos. I started trying to brainwash myself into thinking about how much fun it would be and what it is I need to do.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And then I sat there and I visualized and I spoke out loud to myself as if I was actually on the radios. I spoke out loud to myself as if I was actually flying the plane. Visualize the best case scenario instead. And so what you want to do is step one is you want to notice the fear that's coming up. The moment that you feel anxiety creeping in, pause, stop for a second.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
You can feel it in your body, can't you? Pause, ask yourself, what am I imagining right now? And actually become aware because you're usually unconsciously imagining these things. It's your subconscious. Chances are you're playing a mental movie of things going terribly wrong. So if you're about to give a speech and you notice yourself getting anxious, you notice the feeling of anxiety.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
You usually don't notice the mental movie. And so the mental movie, you're about to give the speech, it might be the mental movie that's going on in your head as you see yourself freezing up, looking like an idiot, stumbling over your words, embarrassing yourself. You're about to take a big risk. You start to notice the fear of, you picture failure, you picture humiliation, you picture regret.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
This is your fear story. This is what you're projecting yourself into the future and imagining. And right now it's directing your emotions. It's telling you exactly how to fear. excuse me, it's telling you exactly how to feel. And so that's the first step is you gotta become aware of it. So the second step that you want is you wanna challenge that fear story.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
You have to take a step back and you have to ask yourself, is this the only possible outcome? Is the only possible outcome me completely screwing up that speech and looking like an idiot? Because here's the truth, it's not. It's just the only one that you're focusing on. And it's really important to know this because a lot of time it feels like it's the only outcome.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And we will think it is the only outcome unless we reframe the future in some sort of way. And so that's what you're gonna do in step number two. After you challenge it, is you're gonna create the best case movie in your head. You're gonna flip the script. So instead of sitting there and worrying and thinking about the worst case scenario, you're gonna now start imagining the best case scenario.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
If you're gonna imagine the worst that could happen, You need to also imagine the best that could happen. So you ask yourself, what's the most exciting thing that could happen? What's the most fun? What's the most rewarding thing that could happen? How would it feel if it went exactly the way I want it?
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works)
And you close your eyes and you fully step into that version and you can see it, you can feel it, you can try to experience it as if it's actually happening right now. So going back to the first example, if you're about to give a speech, Imagine being up there and what it feels like to be crushing it in the presentation. Imagine the audience nodding along, engaged, inspired.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And that's okay because you don't heal from pushing stuff away and pushing emotions away and acting like it doesn't exist. You heal by letting your pain speak. and giving it space, not by pushing it under the rug, but letting it speak, feeling it, noticing it, processing it, and then letting it go. Because then it's not there anymore.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And so, you know, I want you to understand as you start to realize your control issues are not a character flaw, they're a coping mechanism that you've developed, that you didn't choose those early experiences. The way your parents were, the situations that you were in as a child, were not your fault. But you can choose what happens next.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
If you want to let go of certain aspects of yourself, you can start to loosen your grip on these things. And loosening your grip isn't weakness, it's wisdom. It's going, hey, You know, I don't need this anymore. And you can let your nervous system learn a new story that you can surrender to certain things and surrendering can actually be strength.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
That you can be safe by not having to control everything. That you don't have to control everything. You never will. You never have, to be honest with you. That's just a false sense that you've built in your mind. But you don't have to control everything. You can let things work themselves out and it's going to be completely okay. So that's what I got for you for today's episode.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
If you love this episode, please do me a favor. I think a lot of people in the world probably need to hear this message. So if you would do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So if you would share it, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And with that, I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And that made me better at delegation in my business, which I don't think that anywhere near the amount of success we would have in my business if I had not worked on my control issues, because I was really bad at delegating. I was really bad at micromanaging as well.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And I also don't think that I would have the relationship that I have now with my wife if I didn't get better at fixing my control issues and opening myself up to being more vulnerable. And I want you to realize that control issues are behavioral adaptations that you learn in childhood. More than anything else, it's a protection mechanism that protected you in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
A survival strategy that started in childhood long before you ever had the words for it or knew what you were doing, you just unconsciously created this mechanism. And it's a coping mechanism. It's not like a character flaw. And I want you to understand that. So if you say, oh, I'm a very controlling person, it's not a character flaw. It's a coping mechanism.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Control issues don't just show up out of nowhere in adulthood. They are often early behavioral adaptations of a child that was in an environment that felt unsafe or unpredictable or emotionally chaotic. And so as a child, your brain had to figure out some way to make sense of the world.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And when adults around you were inconsistent in some way, whether they were emotionally unavailable or maybe they were severely overwhelmed themselves, what you did was an intelligent thing to do that any sensitive kid would do. You took on control on yourself unconsciously as a way to feel safe. And you did not feel safe, so you had to create some sense of safety on your own.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
The reason why is because the more positive ratings or reviews that we get on those platforms like Spotify and Apple Podcasts, the more that those actually show this podcast, people have never listened to it before so that more people can discover us, find us, and hopefully we can change more people's lives. If you do that, I would greatly appreciate it.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
So let's pause here because it's a really big deal for you to understand. Children are wired to adapt. We're all wired to adapt. And so if the environment feels emotionally or physically unstable or unsafe, the child doesn't think to themselves, my parent is unsafe. Most of the time, the child thinks to themselves, I must do something to fix this.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
That's the innocence of childhood is children tend to blame themselves so that they can keep the parental attachment intact. This is the reason why a lot of times when parents get divorced, children think it's their fault is because a lot of times they put it on themselves. That's the innocence of childhood. And so I want you to understand
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
That if you were in a situation that was maybe unsafe or unpredictable or had parents that were emotionally absent, a lot of times you don't think, oh, it's the parent's fault. You unconsciously think, I must fix this. So there's something wrong with me. And so we blame ourselves a lot of times so that we can keep that parental attachment intact.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
So what does control look like when it's a child's tool for surviving chaos? Well, it could be something like being the good kid so that you don't rock the boat. It could be monitoring everyone's mood before speaking. It could be keeping your space really tidy because you feel like something was unstable. It could be trying to fix everyone else's problems that weren't yours to fix.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
It could be becoming a people pleaser so that peace was kept in the house and nobody fought in any sort of way. And this wasn't about being mature for your age, which I know many of us hear when our children, oh, they're such a good child. They're so mature for their age. Really what this is is hypervigilance disguised as responsibility. Think about that for a second.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
A child at five, six, seven, eight years old isn't necessarily responsible, but they become responsible as a way to keep the peace or as a way to feel more safe around everything that's happening. And it worked for a while in your childhood. It worked because you built it in some sort of way. And once again, the child is not unconsciously building this. The child is unconsciously building this.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
But what's really important is, is just because something was useful in the past doesn't mean that it's serving you right now. What protected you back then a lot of times traps you now. Because as an adult, this strategy kind of morphs and changes into perfectionism or micromanaging other people or anxiety when things aren't planned out.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Today, we're gonna be talking about all of your control issues that you have. Have you ever felt like you're just trying to control everything? You're trying to hold the whole world together with your bare hands. You're always managing or planning and fixing and overthinking everything.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
or the inability to trust others to quote-unquote do it right, or guilt when you're not on top of everything, or becoming a helicopter parent. Control, control, control, control. That's how it morphs from childhood into adulthood. And when you control, control, control, control, control other people, what does it feel like? To the other person, it feels like being smothered.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
It's not that you love control. It's that your nervous system associates control with safety. And that's what it really comes down to. This is deeper than habits and character traits. It's a wiring that happened in childhood. It's the operating system that's underneath your adult life. The little inner child inside of you never healed from what it went through.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
So it keeps doing what it's always done. Get it? And like any other outdated system, eventually an outdated system starts glitching in some way. So you try to rest, but you feel like you're wasting time. You ask for help, but then you redo something that somebody else did because it's not quote unquote perfect. You say somebody to say somebody say, oh, I trust you.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
But then your body really doesn't. It says otherwise. And here's the truth. It's not about being a type A person. It's a trauma response in disguise. And so it shows up many different ways in your life. In relationships, it can ruin relationships. You might avoid vulnerability. You keep emotional walls up because letting go is really risky in some way.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
You fear being maybe too much or not enough for another person. So you kind of perform and be the person that you think they want you to be versus being yourself. You try to anticipate needs of other people before they're ever spoken to keep the peace. Or you manage other people's emotions while ignoring your own. Or you're a people pleaser and you forget all about yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Or you call someone over and over and over and over again because you haven't heard from them in two hours? This is how control problems will ruin relationships. How does it show up in work? Well, maybe you've got this idea of you've got to perform. You've got to overwork. You've got to overdeliver. Not to be great, but to not disappoint. You know, you don't just meet expectations.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Chances are, if you clicked on this episode, there is a chance, a small, small chance that you might have some control issues. And I want you to understand, I have identified with myself years ago that I had control issues. And this was back in 2018, 2017, when I really identified that I had control issues.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
You obsess over exceeding expectations. And the validation that you get from others at work becomes a substitute for the connection that you can't feel. And you can't seem to, you know, you go on vacation and you're with your family and you just like can't seem to turn it off. So you're checking emails and you're on your phone.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
You can't seem to turn off because you feel like there's something else you're supposed to be doing at all points in time, right? That's a coping mechanism. How does it show up in parenting? Well, maybe you try to be the perfect parent or, you know, redo what your parents didn't get right. Or maybe you set really impossibly high standards for yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And then when you don't hit those standards, you beat yourself up over and over and over again. Maybe you say you want to protect your children from the chaos that you knew. But sometimes you forget that chaos isn't always harmful. Sometimes it's needed to grow. Or maybe you try to control every single part of your child's life.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And as they grow older, you start to notice how they start resenting you for it. How does it show up in your own relationship with yourself and your self-talk? Well, everything is either your fault or your responsibility. And you beat yourself up over a lot of things. You struggle to rest without feeling guilty about it. And even your internal voice sometimes sounds like a disappointed parent.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Why didn't you do more? You should have seen that coming. You can't let anybody down. Any of this sound familiar? It's exhausting. And more importantly, it's not really your fault. It was what you had to do to feel safe as a child. But now that you're an adult, you're allowed to rewrite it. And that's what's really important. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Why is your brain wired this way? Well, here's where neuroscience really comes in. Your developing brain in childhood is built around adapting to the environment for survival. When unpredictability was the norm, your brain learned, if I can anticipate or control everything, then I'll be safe. And so it creates this feedback loops of being over-controlling.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And because you're over-controlling, you get a brief sense of safety. Ah, you feel like you're controlling everything. Everything's okay for right now. Then the world feels unpredictable again. And then you feel the need for more control. And it's these feedback loops of more control and more control. And over time, you become more controlling. It's not just a mindset that's behind all this.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
It's biology behind it. You know, and your amygdala, which is the fear center of your brain, becomes hyperactive early in life because of all of the chaos. Your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making, for logic, for emotional regulation, struggles to develop in environments that are full of stress. And over time, your body becomes the control system, not your conscious mind.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And so it's not about being a control freak. If you'd be like, oh, I'm a control freak. That's just the way of them. Or someone says that you're a control freak. It's about your nervous system doing its best with really, really outdated software. You might be 40 years old and this is something that you developed when you were seven.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And I had this big awareness and I started working more on myself and working more on myself and I had this awareness that I had control issues because when you look at my entire childhood, if you were to put one word over my childhood with having a father who was an alcoholic and passing away when I was 15 and all of that, that the word over my childhood would be uncertainty.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And so the thing that's really important behind this that I really wanna talk about is we're talking about being a child here. And we're talking about the fact that you develop this system, I guess you could say, of control in your childhood because you did not feel safe in some way. And so you had to develop this control issue so that you could feel safe. Here's the hardest part of all of it.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Beneath all of this urge to control, a lot of times for most people is often grief. Grief for the childhood that you didn't get, grief for the caretakers who couldn't show up, grief for the safety that you had to create instead of receiving, which is what children should receive as a child. And when we finally stop and ask, why do I feel responsible for everything?
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
we start, or whatever it might be that kind of cracks us open, we begin to realize, oh my God, that little kid just didn't feel safe in some ways. Like, how sad is that? And it gives you a chance to really crack yourself open and to mourn what you might not have had and how you had to grow up too soon. And that's really when you start healing is when you allow yourself to feel those feelings.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast. And if you love this podcast, please do me a massive favor. Give us a rating and review however you listen to us.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Because in that moment, we stop blaming ourselves for how we are now and And we start realizing, oh, that was just something that I had to develop in childhood. And so we begin seeing our control issues for what they are, which is love in some way, longing for a better relationship, wanting more protection, the simple case of just trying to feel safe.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And so you start to realize, oh my gosh, what I need to do is actually develop a better relationship with that child who didn't have the safety that it actually wanted. And so what you learn to do as you start to shift from control to something else, what do you shift to? You shift to trust. which is what it really looks like.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And that's really where it gets hard because you most likely developed your control issues because you couldn't trust who was raising you in some ways as a child. And so now you've got to switch from control to trust. And healing doesn't mean that you become like totally chill overnight. What it means is that you're rewiring what safety means to you.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
You learn to teach your nervous system that it's okay to relax, that you don't have to be hypervigilant in every single moment, that you can, oh God, you can exhale at some point in time without having to earn it. You start to learn at work that you can delegate. Oh my gosh. It could be delegation at work. It could be delegation with your children.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
It could be delegation with your family that you don't have to do everything. And you can start to let people see the real you without managing the outcome of how they're going to perceive you. And so you start rebuilding trust one small shaky moment at a time. And then what you do is you start to reparent yourself. You start to become the parent that you needed when you were a child.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Because sometimes the most powerful thing that you can do is reparent yourself with what you needed back then, with safety, with gentleness, with consistency, with grace, with And you let your younger self, like, don't act like it's kind of a weird thing to think about.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
If you've never thought about this before, like, but your inner child's still there and still waiting for it to be seen, for it to feel safe. And so you let your inner child, your younger self feel what they never got. It's this idea of like, hey, little kid, you don't have to carry it all. You don't have to be in charge of it. Like, I'm an adult now. I've got it. Don't worry about this.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And the only way to fix uncertainty is to try to control everything. But I had this realization that if I try to control everything, it's going to ruin almost everything in my life. It's going to ruin my relationships. It's going to ruin my business, all of that. And so I started really working on my control issues.
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And really that's what it comes down to is to try to, you know, take a moment and you try to like take a moment, just see what it feels like, like sit in a place quietly, breathe deeply,
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
And then what I want you to do is this is something I really would challenge you to do if you really are serious about healing this, is sit down with a pen and paper and write a letter to your younger self who picked up the role as the fixer or the one that had to be responsible. And you tell them what you needed to hear and feel as a kid. Tell them that they're safe,
The Mindset Mentor
Stop Controlling Everything and Just Let Go
Tell them that you can take it from here. Tell them that you appreciate them for all that they've done, for picking up this thing that they needed to because it made them feel safe, but now you guys can let go of it. Because when you do this, you might crack something up inside of you that's even deeper.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Take a step back and remove what you no longer need versus just holding onto it just in case you're gonna decide to use it one day. Because here's the truth. If it's not propelling you forward in your life, there's a pretty good chance it's holding you back.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
And so the more you clear out in your physical environment, your mental environment, your emotional environment, your relationships, the more that you clear out, the faster that you will move in life because there is less things holding you back and there's less resistance. And so if you've never done...
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
a really big life purge before, buckle up because you're about to feel like an entirely different person after it, okay? I have a 24-hour challenge for you. This is what the great purge is. You're gonna take one day, 24 hours to change your entire life. Here's your mission, should you choose to accept it. Take one day and do nothing but get rid of shit.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Okay, no distractions, no phone, no procrastinating. You're just gonna get a bunch of coffee. You're gonna put on your favorite dance music and you're gonna clear out everything. You're just gonna get rid of things that no longer serve you. So step one is to start obviously with the physical stuff. This is the easy stuff and we'll start there, right?
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
So before we dive into the deeper emotional layers, begin with your physical environment. When you look around your house, walk into every single room in your house. Pick everything up and ask yourself, does this serve me? The answer is no. Toss it, donate it, sell it, get rid of it today.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
You can do offer up, you can do Facebook marketplace, you can do pretty much anything sold today if you do Facebook marketplace and offer up at the exact same time. Declutter your closet, your kitchen, your office, your bedroom, your garage, your car, all of that. So that's the first thing, those easy physical things. The next thing is your technology in digital space that you live in as well.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
So you're gonna go on your Instagram, you're gonna go on your TikTok, your YouTube, you're gonna go on whatever other accounts of things that you use. I don't know what else is out there, right? And you're just going to LinkedIn, you're just going to unfollow all of the accounts in social media that don't serve your life in some way.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, I'm going to be talking about how to clean up every single aspect of your life. I don't mean just going around and cleaning your house. I mean every single aspect of your life. How to declutter and shake up the world that you live in in the best possible way. How to purge all of the BS that's in your life that you no longer need and that no longer serves you.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
The first time I did this, I unfollowed 600 people on Instagram and 3000 people I unfriended on Facebook. I was like, I don't even know who the hell these people are. Or I met them one time at a party when I was 22 years old. Why am I friends with them? You're gonna delete all of the people, unfollow them.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
The celebrities whose lives are just entirely drama that you follow on Instagram, get rid of them. Your life will be better if you miss them in six months, you can re-follow them again. I don't care, right? You're gonna go through and you're gonna delete all of your old files that are on your computer. You're gonna delete all of your old emails that you don't need.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
You're gonna delete all of the apps on your phone that you don't use.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
you're going to go through your notifications and you're going to take off all of the notifications that are not absolutely urgent for you to get for me i only have one real notification on my phone if you call me that's it if you send me a text message i'll never see it until i go to my phone and i literally have to push the app the messaging button to go into the app for messages email i won't see it unless i go into my emails so turn off all the notifications that you don't absolutely need
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
The only way that my phone lights up is with a phone call. So clean up your phone, clean up your computer, all of the digital space, all of the social media space, everything. And TV shows you watch. Take a mental note. What TV shows have you been watching? Are they adding to your life?
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Is it really helping you to watch people fight and bicker and have drama on TV for your quote unquote reality TV? I promise you, it's not making your life better. It's not making your mindset better. Everything you consume affects you in some sort of way. Not just food, but I'm talking about the mental stuff as well. Go into your kitchen. Look at your food choices as well.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Throw out your unhealthy or your junk food. You should probably throw out the expired stuff as well. Anything that doesn't align with your health goals. You might have some stuff that's been in your pantry for a year that doesn't line up with the new you. If it doesn't fuel you, probably not for you.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
You know, one rule of thumb that I usually have is if it has more than four or five ingredients, it's probably way too processed. Then I prefer not to eat anything that comes from a box if I can help it. No, that's not 100% of the time. That's probably 98% of the time. I prefer to eat something that was once alive. That's pretty easy to think about.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Does it come from the earth naturally and am I eating it in its unchanged state? Okay. What about your finances? Review all of your subscriptions. You're paying for things that you don't need anymore. They're just stealing $5, $7 here. Cancel ones that aren't adding value to your life. Look at your spending habits. Where can you cut out waste? Look at your living situation.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
The place that you live, is it inspiring to you? Or is it draining you? You might say, oh yeah, but I'm only here because this is all I can afford. Okay, well, can you start to think about the next place you want to move into? Do you need to completely move? Or could, you know, you have a small shift, maybe redecorating.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
painting, changing things around a little bit, just so it's a new feeling for you. So it gives you more energy to walk into the space that you live in. So maybe it's a small shift like that. Maybe it's a major one like moving. You know, if it doesn't add value or joy or align with your future self, it goes.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
And here's a simple rule of thumb for those of you guys that are questioning, well, do I need this thing? Do I not need this thing? Here's the way I like to live my life. If it's not a fuck yes, it's a fuck no. Imagine going through your entire life with that thought, that filter. That's the way that I would look at it. So that's step number one, okay?
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Step number two is purging your mental and emotional baggage as well. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. Once you've cleared out your physical space, I promise you're gonna feel a whole lot better. But then we can go a little bit deeper. Obviously, I have a podcast called The Mindset Mentor. You're listening to it. Your mindset is the next thing we need to work at.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
What beliefs are you holding onto that are keeping you stuck in some sort of way? These I'm not good enough feelings. I can't change. I don't deserve success. I'm afraid of being unlovable. I'm afraid of getting into another relationship. I'm afraid of heartbreak. I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid of all of these. All these little limiting beliefs that exist that you have inside of your mindset.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
All of these identities of, yeah, but I'm a this person. I'm a Republican, so I act this way. I'm a Democrat, so I act this way. I'm a man, so I'm supposed to act this way. I'm a woman, supposed to act this way. Oh, I have ADHD, so I'm supposed to act this way.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Whatever identities that you have, see if you could just get rid of the identities and become the person that you want to become without all of these labels of who you're supposed to be, how you're supposed to act, how you're supposed to operate in this world. You know, write down all of the limiting beliefs and the fears and the things that are holding you back.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Write them all down on a piece of paper and... take a lighter to them, burn the list. Don't burn your house down. I didn't tell you to do this. Burn the list, make sure it disappears, and then replace those things with empowering beliefs.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
And this can be a deep, transformational, life-changing purge that removes everything that's not serving you. And so we're talking about full scale, everything in your life, so that you can feel lighter, freer, and more aligned to become the person that you want to become. So let's go ahead and break it down. Why do you need to do this? We as humans like to hold on to things.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
You know, obviously I don't want to go too deep into it because I have many episodes on how to change your mindset and your beliefs and your identities and all that stuff, but really you should go through and start to see what's going on in your mind that you need to get rid of. Another thing that you need to purge is all of these little tiny habits and standards that you need to change.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
in this cycle of frustration what daily habits are keeping you in self-sabotage like you're like i want to build this business but i have a habit of staying up late and because i have a habit of staying late i have a habit of sleeping in and then i wake up at 11 o'clock and now i feel like i'm three hours behind on building my business and it's just this this cycle of frustration it's just keeping you stuck and so what habits do you need to get rid of in your life that are just no longer serving you
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
I have a habit of whatever it is. Maybe it's smoking or drinking on the weekends too much. Whatever it might be, what are your habits that are not aligning you? and helping you get to the life that you want. What standards have you accepted that are too low for the life that you want?
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Maybe you have standards because you grew up in a certain part of town with a certain type of person and you think that's where I come from and that's your standards, but you're looking at the life that you want and you go, but I'm gonna have to change a lot of my standards. that I currently have coming from where I come from to become the person I want to be.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
So you need to upgrade your standards. You need to decide and what is a standard? A standard is a non-negotiable that you have in your life. So, you know, I'll give you an example. So one of the examples I always give is maybe, you know, you get a slice of pizza, you're walking down the street, you're in, you know, we call dirty six here in Austin, you're in dirty six and you get a slice of pizza.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
you drop that piece of pizza on the ground. Most people listening to this podcast, it is below your standards to pick that pizza up off the ground, and there's a reason why they call it dirty six, because it's dirty. It is below your standards to pick that piece of pizza up and eat it after it's fallen on the floor, right? That's a standard, that's a non-negotiable.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
I am not eating food off the floor. I'll either be hungry or I'll go buy another slice of pizza. That's a non-negotiable. But when you say you wanna build the life that you wanna build, sleeping in isn't a non-negotiable for you. Why? It's not below your standards. So you need to figure out what standards you need to hold yourself to in order to change your life.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
In a lot of situations, standards are actually more important than your habits. Habits are kind of like the children of standards. When you have a standard, like my trainer, for instance, his standard is he works out every single day. But I don't. I don't do that. I don't work out every single day. I work out four or five times a week, but he works out every single day.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
So then his habits are going to the gym. His habits are he's going to eat healthier because he's going to the gym and he wants to make sure that he's supporting that. He's supporting his body and recovery and fueling it with what it needs. Standards are kind of like the structure that habits end up being built inside of. So that's what you want to think. What standards do you need to change?
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
So that's step number two, okay? Step number three is to, now that you've gone through physical environment, now that you've gone through mental environment, is to start looking at purging people in relationships. This is a tough one, I know, and you've heard me talk about it many times, but it's necessary. Not everyone is meant to go into the next chapter of your life.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
From this moment forward, there's a new chapter in your life. You decide who's coming with you and who's not. So who's draining your energy? You know, friends that gossip or complain or are what we call energy vampires or time vampires, like they're just sucking the energy from you, they're sucking the time out of you. People who complain all the time. People who bring constant negativity.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you want to get some inspirational texts from me, mindset tips and tricks, all of that, and you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
We hoard and some people hoard a lot of stuff, right? But we're basically like squirrels just getting as many nuts as we possibly can and then burying them someplace, forgetting where they are and thinking that we'll just use them later and we never do.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
People who are toxic. Family members who refuse to respect your boundaries. A partner that no longer aligns with your growth and what you're trying to do with your life. People that you follow on Instagram that make you feel less than because you're looking at how quote unquote amazing they are and amazing their lives are and how rich and successful they are. You don't have to make a dramatic exit.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
You can just start stepping back. you know, less energy, less availability, less attachment, not being as on call to these people as you used to be. And then you look at this and what starts to happen after the purge. You've cleared out your physical environment, you've cleared out your mental environment, and you've cleared out your relationships as well. You will feel lighter.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
There's just less that you have to worry about. There's less that is owning parts of your brain. So you feel lighter. You feel like you can move faster. You have a lot more clarity because your brain's not focusing on a million little teeny tiny things that you don't need anymore.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
And so you start to, it just becomes easier and more effortless to become the person that you want to be and you are meant to be. So it's not just about cleaning up. This isn't like spring cleaning. It's about making a space in your life for the things that actually serve you and getting rid of everything that does not serve you.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
Because the version of you that's happy, that is fulfilled, that is successful, that is aligned, doesn't hold on to things that weigh them down.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
and so pick a day 24-hour day to just do the purge go through each one of the categories your physical your mental your emotional your relational so clear out everything that doesn't serve you and your growth and then celebrate your fresh start be proud of yourself and you're going to feel a whole lot lighter so that's what i recommend that you do 24 hours do the challenge go through the great purge
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, hey, please do me a huge favor. Share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it right now. Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you sharing it. And so every time that you share it, it really helps us out. It really hopefully helps the world as well.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
everything that you own owns a little bit of a piece of you and i don't just mean like t-shirts and our couch and a chair i mean physical externally outside of you but also mental as well beliefs Thought patterns, habits, all of these things own just a little piece of you. And it's good every once in a while to take a step back. Some of you have never done this in your entire life.
The Mindset Mentor
Declutter Every Part of Your Life
And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
That's not your business. Your business is your peace because your peace is priceless. So you have to guard that thing fiercely. And so I've got a question for you. Who's the person that came to mind while you were listening to this? That's probably the first person you need to work with. Figure out one boundary that you can set with them today. So that's what I got for you for today's episode.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So if you would share it with anybody that it could help, it allows us to help more people in this world. And that's really ultimately all I'm trying to do. So if you would share it, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And once again, if you want to brainwash yourself and get that morning priming video lesson, go ahead and go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
When you look at a toxic person, you pretty much know like there's probably already somebody who's jumped into your mind. that's probably the person you need to deal with first. And so a toxic person is someone who repeatedly disrespects your boundaries. They might make you feel emotionally exhausted after you hang out with them.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Maybe they try to manipulate you or they try to give you guilt trips or they try to gaslight you and make you think that you're the bad person. It's also usually somebody who thrives on drama and thrives on negativity. And rarely do these people take responsibility for their own actions.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And so one way that you can really identify a toxic person quickly is if you go and hang out with this person for two hours, how do you feel after hanging out with them? Do you feel excited about life? Do you feel energized? Or do you feel emotionally, physically drained? Because I was taught when I was younger by one of my mentors, there's kind of two different types of people in the world.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And if you're out there and you've realized that you have some patterns, some habits, some ways of speaking to yourself that you need to break and you need a subconscious reprogramming, it's something that you need to do to yourself. I've created a video lesson that teaches you exactly step-by-step how to do that.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
There's batteries and there's vacuums. A battery is somebody who you can spend an hour with them and you leave their presence after having coffee and you feel great for another hour. You're excited, you're motivated, you feel good about being around that person. That's a battery. A vacuum is somebody who sucks the energy out of you. You can hang out with them for three minutes.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
and you want to nap after, you can think about them right now and start to feel exhausted just thinking about them. So if someone consistently makes you feel bad about yourself or is toxic to you or talks down to you or drains your energy, it's really, really important that you start to rethink their role in your life. Your mental health is extremely important.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
You've got to stop acting like this person just deserves all of your time. And so that's the first thing. You just got to get really real with yourself and you've got to identify the people who are toxic. So get that first person in your head right now. Who's the most toxic person in your life? Who's the person that popped up before I even said anything? Okay, so that's step number one.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Step number two... is to either remove them from your life completely, or I understand most of the time you can't remove somebody from your life completely, or reduce time with the toxic people. You don't always have to completely cut toxic people out of your life. Sometimes it's not really realistic.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
You might have toxic coworkers and you love your job, or at least you need it to pay your bills, and you've got... Tom, who works in your office, who's a dick and you hate him. Well, you can't really like quit your job because you got to pay your bills, but you still got Tom that you got to deal with. Or maybe it's your in-laws in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
oh, you can't really get rid of the in-laws, so how do you deal with the in-laws? But with all of that, whether it's Tom or whether it's the in-laws or whether it's brother, sister, mother, father as well, you can limit your interactions with them. You can start to pull back on the time, okay? And here's how you do it. The first thing is this thing that's called the fade-out method.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
You're going to gradually spend less time with them. So what I mean by that is over time, you're going to take longer to respond to their text messages. You're not going to get back to them right away. You're going to leave them on read for maybe a little bit longer, right? You're going to be busy, quote unquote, busy more often.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
You've got a lot going on in the future when it comes to this person, when they, hey, do you want to hang out on Saturday? No. Yeah, I've got a whole family day. I got to hang out with the kids and I got soccer. And then I told my wife I'm going to do X, Y, and Z. Just be busy more often. You're starting to fade the mouse a little bit.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
It is a morning priming technique, so if you want to download that lesson for free, go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com, and you can download it for free. Today, I'm going to talk to you about how to deal with the toxic people in your life step-by-step. And we all know... at least one person who drains the life out of us.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And then slowly just start to decrease communication in some sort of way. And it's gonna, you're gonna fade out. It's not just like a light switch where like you hang out with them, you don't hang out with them. It's less and less and less so that it almost starts to go unnoticed over time. And what you're gonna do is when you do spend time with them, you're actually gonna schedule it out.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
You're gonna do time blocking. If you must see them in some sort of way, like say for instance, you've got to go to a, maybe a toxic person in your life is your brother. Then you've got to go to a family event. If you must see them, like they are a family member or something,
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
schedule short visits and have a very clear end time when you have to leave and clearly communicate that like almost as soon as you arrive and just have something that's scheduled so that you can get out of there because your mind is going to feel much better when you know okay, I've only got 45 minutes and I'm about to leave. And they know we've got 45 minutes.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
So hopefully they don't guilt and shame me. And if they do, then I'm just not gonna take it on. So that's the second thing. The third thing is something that I love. I learned this over the past year and I've never shared this in the podcast, but I've been excited to share it once I created an episode on toxic people. Step three is to start using what's called the gray rock method.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
So the gray rock method is one of the best tools for dealing with toxic people, dealing with people who like to gaslight you, dealing with people who manipulate you, dealing with people who love drama. And the idea of the gray rock method, you're like, what is that? Why is it called the gray rock method? The idea behind it is to be as boring and uninteresting as a gray rock.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
It's like you wanna be as interesting as a rock basically so that they lose interest in you. That's really what it comes down to. And here's how you do it. When they say something to you, you want your responses to be short and very neutral. So it's like, yeah, okay. Like you wanna be boring, as boring as you possibly can.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And what you're trying to do is as you go through this is they're used to in some sort of way getting a response out of you. And people who are toxic, they want you to engage. They want to get a rise out of you. They want to get a response from you. And so you're going to avoid giving emotional reactions to these people.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
So they know your buttons, whether it's consciously or unconsciously, and they're going to try to push these buttons in as many ways they can. Nope. Don't be triggered. Try your best just to completely distance yourself and just remind yourself, you're not even you. I'm not Rob. I'm a gray rock. So gray rocks don't get triggered. I'm not going to be triggered.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And really what it comes down to is just you avoid giving them the reactions that they want to get out of you. They're trying to get something from you. You're just not going to play the game. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. Another thing that's really important in this method is to not give any personal details about you that they can use against you from now on.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
A lot of times what people who are manipulative like to do is once they learn about what's going on in your life, they usually pull it back in to try to get a rise out of you. So then you get triggered in some sort of way. So you're not going to give them any more personal details from now on. And you're going to show no enthusiasm for their drama. Okay. Yeah.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And so the point is that you want to be so boring, they don't want to hang out with you anymore because they're not getting what they want. They want to find somebody else to feed off of in some sort of way. And if you do happen to notice yourself starting to be triggered, because these are people who know how to trigger you. You've been triggered in the past.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
It might be a coworker that you just can't avoid that thrives on gossip. It might be a friend that only calls you when they need something. Or it could be a family member who constantly criticizes every single step that you make in your life. I want you to realize that toxic people
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And when you're triggered, sometimes it's an unconscious pattern that you go down. If you notice yourself starting to be triggered... You want to make sure that you remind yourself to breathe through it. And if you need to, you can distance yourself for a moment. You can go to the bathroom if you feel yourself being triggered. They say something. Oh, hey, I got to go to the bathroom real quick.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Go to the bathroom. You know, pretend you're taking a dump. Be there for five minutes. Breathe through it. Do whatever it is you need to do. Get yourself back to breathing. gray rock boringness, and then go back out there and just be a boring person. And this works really, really well with people who are like narcissists. It works with people who are gossipers, energy vampires, the drama people.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Remember this. The less entertaining that you are, the sooner that they will move on from you, which is really, really important. So that's step number three. Be a gray rock. Step number four. you wanna start to set and enforce boundaries. Toxic people love pushing boundaries, and that's why it's really critical for you to set firm limits and to stick with them.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And so one of the things that's really important with boundaries, it's a three-step process with boundaries that I've created for coaching clients over years. It's very simple. but you've got to do this. Number one is you have to get really clear on what your boundaries are. Don't just be like, I don't want them to speak to me that way anymore. You've got to get very clear.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
What way do they speak to you? What do they say? Oh, it's when they speak about your children that you get that way? Okay. Right? So you've got to get very clear on your boundaries. That's the first step on them. The second thing is that you need to communicate those boundaries with the other person. So you've got to clearly say your boundaries to them.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And then number three, you have to stay firm on your boundaries because I promise you 100% of the time, they will overstep your boundaries. I've never heard of somebody being like, I had a toxic person in my life. I told them my boundaries and they never, ever stepped the boundaries ever again. No, if they're toxic, it is in their nature to continue to try to keep pushing the boundaries. So...
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
You just have to remind them of the boundary over and over and over again. It will take multiple times. I promise you that. And a boundary, just so you know, and so you can understand it, it's not a suggestion. It's a rule for people to understand how to interact with you. You teach people how to treat you, whether you realize it or not.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And if they can't respect it, then they don't deserve your time. Okay, so here's what this might look like in action, right? They might say something to you like, you never make time for me anymore. I guess I just don't matter. They try to guilt you. Your response to them is just, hey, I'm prioritizing my mental health. I just won't be available as often. That's just the way that it goes.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
They might say something like, you tell me everything that's going on with... The children at school, you know, insert drama here. It's basically what they're looking for. Tell me everything about that person. Hey, I'm not comfortable talking to you about it. I've realized I'm gonna start keeping things a little bit more closer to the vest.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
can be really exhausting they can be very manipulative and quite frankly they are bad for your mental health studies show that people who have toxic relationships actually die earlier than people who have good relationships so this is a very serious thing that you should pay attention to and so if you have them in your life how do you deal with them how do you minimize the impact that they have on your life
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
I'm just not gonna start, you know, telling you those things anymore. It's not just you, it's other people as well. Of course, they're going to keep overstepping them, right? Maybe they say something like they criticize you about your life choices, your decisions, all of that. You just respond with, hey, listen, I'm happy with my decision. I'm happy with where my life is.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And I'm just really not open to discussing any further with you. That's just really how you start to communicate and hold a firm boundary against somebody. Okay, so that's step number four. Step number five is when necessary, as I said, you need to completely cut them off. Sometimes a toxic person is so damaging, the only solution is you need to remove them entirely.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
If you have tried to be a gray rock and it's not working as well as you want, if you have tried to set boundaries and it's just not working as well as you want, sometimes you need to remove them entirely. And I understand this can be hard, especially if it is a long-term friend, especially if it's a family member, especially if it's a partner.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
But your peace of mind, your mental health is extremely important. And it's time for you to stop being somebody that gets stepped on by other people. And so if you need to, just go no contact with them. Just, and I've had many people who I've had to coach through this because there's just somebody who's just absolutely toxic, makes them feel like shit, just terrible person to this other person.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
If you need to go no contact, you can't. You can block them on social media. You can block them on your phone. You don't need to explain them. You don't need to tell them that you're blocking them. Just disappear.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
If you have mutual friends with the person or if it's someone in your family, tell the other people, tell the mutual friends, let them know you're stepping away and I'm done with all of the gossip. I don't need you to tell me what's going on in their life and I don't need you to tell them what's going on in my life.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And then what's really important about this whole thing too is you got to just understand you need to resist the urge to explain. they won't accept your reasoning anyways. So just go out the back door, exit, be a Houdini, just disappear.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Because if somebody is abusive to you, if they're manipulative with you in some sort of way, or dangerous to your well-being, don't feel guilty about cutting ties with that person. Your mental health always comes first. Okay, so that's step number five. And then step number six is really make it a focus of yours to protect your mental energy going forward.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Because now that you've set boundaries, now that you've distanced yourself from these people, or gone no contact, it's time for you to start focusing on you with some of that spare time. What I recommend is that you start surrounding yourself with positive people. You start surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about you, who are excited about your growth.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
They love helping you feel better about yourself and they celebrate your wins. Because people like that, their energy is contagious. And so when you start spending more time with those types of people who uplift you and support you, you start becoming better. And so it's really good for you to take a pen and paper and start planning this out.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Like what type of people do you want to surround yourself with? Like make a list. What habits? What traits? What do you want them to do in life? How do you want them to speak to themselves, to each other? All of that. Like make a list of people that you want to surround yourself with. The type of person. And maybe you know one or two people who...
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Maybe they're a friend of a friend or an acquaintance. You've seen them a couple times and you're like, I really like that person. Like they had really great energy. I want to spend more time with them. Make a list of those people as well.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And then start thinking like if there are people that you don't have, but you want to find more people, where are the people who line up with that list that you have of the habits and traits and qualities? You know, you can go to meetup.com. You can find networking events. You can, you know, hang out with a really good friend that you do like. And meet their friends.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
Sometimes, as you know, birds of a feather flock together. So if you hang out with somebody you really like them, you're probably going to really like their friends as well. And so it's really important to do that and to start prioritizing your mental health in this way and protecting your energy moving forward. It's also really important for you to learn to start saying no.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
I'm going to say this, you don't have to please everybody in your life. And this is really big for the people pleasers that are listening. People pleasing is something that you created in your childhood as a safety mechanism. It made you feel safe. It kept safety probably in the family unit in some sort of way for you to be the people pleaser. But now that you're an adult, it's not needed anymore.
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
and not bring any unnecessary drama well let's break it down six different steps on how to do so okay step number one i want you to identify the toxic people in your life and let me take a step back before i dive into it i want you to be honest with yourself and stop lying to yourself about who is toxic and who isn't toxic because not everyone who annoys you is toxic
The Mindset Mentor
Six Steps to Deal with Toxic People
And so it's time for you to break that pattern by saying no sometimes, because a lot of times saying no is a form of self-respect. And that's really what it comes down to. And so dealing with toxic people isn't about fixing them. It's about protecting you. And so a lot of toxic people thrive on negativity, on drama, manipulation, on bringing you down. That's their business.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And so self-inquiry allows you to recognize the difference between reality and projection. And so instead of reacting with resentment, whatever it might be, when that friend doesn't text you back, you can pause and ask, like, what meaning am I giving this? Is it really about them or is this some unresolved issue within myself?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And this simple shift can turn tension in a relationship to more self-awareness. These are the moments in life where you learn and grow the most. It's not from reading a book. It's not from going to a conference. It's not from listening to this podcast. All of those are great. But in the moment where shit is hitting the fan is life giving you your lesson that you need to learn from.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Stop running from it. And guess what? This is why being in a real long-term relationship, like a romantic relationship, is so triggering for so many people. Whether you want it to happen or not, your significant other becomes a proxy for your parents. And everything within you that is unhealed from your relationship with each parent will 100% come up in your relationships. until you deal with it.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
That's why so many people will get out of a relationship because of XYZ. They dump this person because of XYZ. Then they get into another relationship and XYZ pops up. And they're like, oh my God, this is happening again. Let me get out of the relationship with this person. They dump them. They get into another relationship and XYZ pops up, whatever this thing is, right?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
It's like, because no, it's not about them. It's about you and this thing that you need to heal. Oh, I wasn't attracted to the same type of person. Well, I wonder why, right? So that's the first thing. It'll really help you in relationships when you start getting into self-inquiry. The second place that'll really help you out a lot as well is work, success, business, career.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
You know, there's many people who chase success as a way to validate their worth. So they work tirelessly and they fear that if they slow down, they're going to lose their significance. And then they'll burn themselves out or they'll get anxiety or they'll have this sense of emptiness, even if they do succeed. Like this is also another thing that happened to me, right?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
I became a workaholic to prove my worth. You know, that's what I was trying to do. I'm going to be successful so I can prove that I'm worthy. And then I realized at my core that I was trying to prove myself, my worth, to my father that had passed away more than 15 years before that. So you're starting to see how it all stems back to childhood almost every single time.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
But you don't get to know this about yourself if you don't take a step back and question yourself. Other people, it's not that they're working too hard, and that's what they're proving themselves with. Some people have fears of starting a business, fears of pursuing their dreams. They're not good enough. They're paralyzed by fear.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
There's fear of rejection, the fear of failure, fear of success, the fear of not being good enough. All of those things keep them stuck, and they so badly want to succeed, but they're not succeeding because of it. And so you need to identify these fears. You need to reframe these fears. Your mind... is always constantly narrating and judging and labeling and analyzing.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And it doesn't happen to be a productivity trick. It's not a morning routine. It's not a discipline hack. It's not a how to create habits in your life. It's this one small thought process that shifts your entire internal framework. And it is this habit of self-inquiry. It is the ability to turn inward and question yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
It's filled with all of these things that you should do and should not do and comparisons and habitual loops of thoughts that you have.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And so self-inquiry allows this space between you and your thoughts where you can step into deeper awareness and start to distance yourself from your thoughts and say, hey, hold on, let me take out of my own brain and let me just look at this as if I'm somebody else looking at this person.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
So instead of identifying with every anxious thought or fear, you can observe it and be like, okay, hmm, that's very interesting, but I don't have to believe that. And this is really a huge, huge game changer for people who want to work on their inner peace. In fact, there is no inner peace without self-inquiry because you cannot change something if you're not aware of it.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And so most people don't want to do this though. Hopefully you're the type of person that wants to do this. Self-inquiry is not easy because it requires brutal honesty. It requires the willingness to face uncomfortable truths, to go back and think of some of the hardest moments in your life. And that's why most people stay away from it.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
But if it's important for you to change your life, then this is one of the most important things that you can do. And so what I want you to do is to take this process and start to think to yourself, okay, if I am triggered, let me take ownership of it. Why am I triggered? Once again, it's almost never because of the present moment.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
It's almost always because you're projecting the past onto this present moment. And as you start to take a step back and you start to question yourself, you start to be curious, you'll learn more about yourself than you ever knew about yourself. And that is the real first step to making massive, massive changes in your life and in your mindset. So that's what I got for you for today's episode.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Once again, if you wanna download my morning mindset priming routine, go ahead and go to morningpriming.com to build your own routine out that's gonna make you feel powerful and amazing throughout the day. So once again, morningpriming.com.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And with that, I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
It's to look at yourself in the mirror, whether that's physically or just mentally, and to question yourself, to question your assumptions, to question your beliefs, and to dismantle all of the subconscious patterns that are shaping your reality. Because what it does is it shapes your perspective, and from that perspective, it creates your reality and what you see of reality.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
It is this observation... of looking at what's going on in your mind and seeing what's going on in your mind, seeing what you're saying to yourself, seeing how you're labeling the world, how you're labeling certain people and labeling certain instances, and then questioning everything. Like what's actually going on here? What is the reason? Why do I really feel this way?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Is this truly what I believe? Or is this something I learned from somebody else? Is this my truth? Or did somebody teach this to me at some point in time in my childhood? It's this ability to really take a step back and observe yourself and question yourself without judgment, without guilt, without shame, but to just sit there and look at yourself with true curiosity more than anything else.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Now, why is self-inquiry the key to basically everything in this case? Because most people live their life just reacting.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
We've all done it, where we basically come into this world with all of the hardware that we need, the brain, the body, and then all of this software is downloaded from people that we know, from our parents, from observing the world, from observing other people, all of this software. gets downloaded. And it's not on purpose. It just kind of gets downloaded from who we hang out with.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
There's nature, there's nurture, all of that. And we just start reacting to the world based off of our software. And everybody else has different software than us. And what do we do? We just react to life based off of our software, based off of our old thoughts, based off of our old habits, based off of our old self-limiting beliefs or fears.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And a lot of times what we do until hopefully we wake up at some point in time is we live life without realizing that we've been running on autopilot. We've just been acting out a set of scripts that we never actually consciously wrote for ourselves. And you know, you've heard me talk about it before. All of these scripts that we're just playing out come from our childhood.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
every single morning to set yourself for who you wanna be, how you wanna act in the world that you're trying to create, go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com right now and get it for free. Today, I'm gonna be talking to you about the one habit that you need in your life if you wanna reset your mindset and make it the best you possibly can.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
All of the experiences that we've had along the way. Our cultural conditioning. Our unresolved emotions and traumas. Things that your parents said to you. Things that your teacher might have said to you in fourth grade after you messed up on something. And just millions of little teeny tiny moments. A lot of times people are like, well, I want to go back to the moment where all this started.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Sometimes you developed a habit, you developed a perspective, you developed a fear off of a moment that you don't even recall. It could have just been a little tiny moment that just shifted your life completely. And this affects everything in your life. And I mean everything in your life.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
From the way that you respond to criticism, to the way that you handle relationships, to the way that you talk to people, the way that you think about people, the way you react to other people. It has to do with your fears. It has to do with your ambitions.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Why you react a certain way to something when another person could have the exact same thing happen to them and they react completely different. All of these come from this deeper subconscious context that people rarely explore. And that's what I want to talk about with you today.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Self-inquiry is the habit of stepping outside of yourself, outside of this automatic reactive way of being and asking yourself questions. What's really going on here? What belief is driving this reaction in me? When did I learn this? Do I want to continue with this? Do I want to continue to believe this? Or do I want to believe something different? And here's the key to it.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
When you practice self-inquiry consistently, it dissolves your limiting beliefs. It dissolves your fears. It dissolves your reactions, your unconscious programs. And so many people are like, give me the tip or trick. What is the thing that I need to do when I'm in fear or when I'm overthinking or when I'm in my limiting beliefs? as if there's like a shortcut to doing it. There is no shortcut.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
When you find yourself there, that's what you need to do is bring in self-inquiry and start getting curious. It is the first step to reclaiming your personal power. And so to develop this habit of self-inquiry, you must train yourself to pause before reacting. To pause before reacting. I was running a call yesterday on my year-long coaching group called Mindset University.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And one of the questions that was asked by a lady, and she was asking a question, and she was talking about how something happened in her life and how she was triggered by it and how she reacted. And all of her... words, I had to pause and say, hey, can I just give you just honest reflection?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
All of the words that you're using are making it sound like you're a victim, as if you have no control over your reaction. Oh, well, I couldn't do anything about it. I can't control myself. And I was like, are you telling me 100% there is absolutely no way you can control yourself? And she's like, well, no, but it's really hard to. I'm like, okay, well, cool. Perfect.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And if you're listening to this podcast, you're here because you probably know, you have an idea that if you gain more control over your mindset, your life will be better in many different ways. You probably understand that everything comes from your mindset.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
First thing that we need to do is admit that it's not 100% impossible to control your reaction. Because if you're saying it's impossible, that's not making you a victim. And if you're a victim, you can't change anything. In order for you to change it, you have to take ownership and say, I am the person that's able to do it.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And so it was acting as if there was no moment for her to be able to pause and to take ownership of it. And as we started talking about it, she's like, yeah, well, there was a moment where I was feeling myself getting ramped up before I got triggered and then I blew up. And so it's this ability where we must train ourselves to pause before reacting instead of being like, I can't control it.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Because if you say I can't control it, then there's nothing you can do about it. But we all know that if your entire family's life was on the line and you had to not react to something, you wouldn't react. Or if the person that you're idle, that you look up to the most was in the room with you, you probably wouldn't react the exact same way.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
So instead of blindly following our first emotional response, we pause before reacting and we take a step back and we observe ourselves and we start asking questions and getting really curious, right? Don't shame yourself or guilt yourself or beat yourself up, but just take a step back and act like you're watching somebody that you don't know and just be like, huh, Why is that person doing that?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Why is that person acting this way? And so it involves basically three stages, okay? The first one is recognizing the trigger, the thing that triggers you. The first step is to notice when you're emotionally charged. Before you blow up or before you cry or before whatever it is, you can start to feel your body change. Triggers can appear in anger, in anxiety, in sadness, in defensiveness, in rage.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Any reaction or emotion, and this is good or bad too, like you can use this for good. You know, if you get really happy about something, what made me so happy? Why did it make me so happy? Can I bring more of that into my life? So any reaction, good or bad, anytime you feel an intense emotional response, it's an opportunity to notice it. And it's an opportunity to learn about yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And we will be right back. And now back to the show. And so that's the first thing is to just notice the thing that's triggering you. The second thing is to just become curious. So instead of getting lost in your story and getting lost in habit, you want to ask yourself some questions to kind of distance yourself from the thoughts.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
What you think of yourself, what you think of the world, what you think of other people, what you think is possible for yourself, if you have some sort of fears, if you have limiting beliefs, all of those things come from your mindset.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
What's the belief that's being activated or what's the fear that's being activated? Have I ever felt this way before? Where did it come from? Is this thought or belief universally true? Like if someone feels like they're not good enough, is it absolute truth that I'm not good enough? It never is. What assumptions am I making about this whole situation?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Oh, well, she acted this way, so that must mean that this is what she was thinking. What assumptions am I making about a situation? What emotion is beneath all of this initial reaction? What's the opposite of what I believe to be true? Is it true that that opposite could also be true? Because if it is, then that makes my thing not 100% true.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
You know, how would I respond if I wasn't attached to this belief? And you can go and just ask yourself questions. How do you ask yourself a question? It's very simple. Start a sentence with who, what, why, when, where, or how. So how does this pop up in my life? When has this happened before? What do I want to believe? Why do I think this way? Who could I have learned this from?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. If you're out there, you wanna get my new free morning mindset priming routine. It's a free video lesson with worksheet that teaches you exactly how to set up your own morning mindset priming
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Where did this originate? Who, what, why, when, where, how? It could come from anywhere. And so it's just about really asking yourself questions. And what you'll realize is that if you ask yourself enough questions, you basically dissolve the belief. You dissolve the fear. You dissolve the limiting belief about yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
You dissolve all of these because you kind of like back it into a corner and you realize that what you thought was truth was just something you've been thinking for a long time. What happens is most of the time we have a thought and we have a thought for so long, we believe it to be true. But it's not absolute truth. We just think that it's true in our mind. And so that's the second part of it.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Just become very curious and start asking yourself a bunch of questions. You notice a trigger, then you become curious and ask yourself questions. And number three is about reframing and releasing whatever that thing is. So the point here is to challenge your thoughts.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And the better that your mindset is, the better your entire life will be, the better your relationships will be, the more happiness, joy, success, money you'll make, all of those things, right? Well, when I first started in self-development, it was all about how can I add more? How can I become better? How can I become smarter?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
The reason why a lot of people who have a certain belief system don't like to hang out with people who don't have the same belief system is because people do not like their thoughts or beliefs to be challenged. If your beliefs or thoughts cannot be challenged, if you have a problem with that, that is something that you need to work on.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
You want to challenge your own thoughts, challenge your own beliefs. The way to release yourself from old beliefs, old thoughts, is to prove that they are not absolutely true. They're not 100% true. And to see from a different perspective than you normally do. When you can see from a different perspective, usually that idea starts to dissolve. That belief starts to dissolve.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
This is what dissolves the belief because it doesn't hold as much value anymore. It doesn't hold as much truth if there's another possibility. And you keep doing this over and over and over again. And once you uncover the belief that's behind the trigger, you can challenge it and replace it. If you're realizing that you have a deep belief that I'm not enough, ask yourself, is that true?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Is it true that I'm not enough? What if I am enough? What if that's just BS? So by you becoming dedicated to doing this, you strip away the subconscious patterns that have been running your life unconsciously. And this allows you to see things with more clarity than you've actually ever seen things in your entire life. To see things more than anything else as they truly are.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
And so like a couple of examples of where this really will change your life and change your reality. The first one. is in your relationships. Because a lot of times we're not present in our relationships, we're projecting in our relationships. And so let me give you an example. Most conflicts that happen in a relationship don't come from the present moment.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
They usually come from past wounds being projected onto the present moment. So like if a friend doesn't return your phone call, you might spiral into feelings of rejection or not being good enough or whatever it might be.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
Not because of the actual missed call itself, but because it activates within you an old wound or feeling of being unimportant or maybe your fear of abandonment that came from childhood. Like so for me, I'll give you a great example for me, right? If I sent a text message, this was for years and I couldn't understand it.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
If I sent a text message back in the day to a female and she never texted me back, whether that was someone I was dating or whether that was just a friend that was a female and they didn't text back, it never bothered me. If I text a friend that was a guy friend, didn't text me back, Never really bothered me. No big deal.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
But if I text somebody that was a man, that was an older man that I respected, that was doing amazing things in the world, and they didn't get back to me, even if it was just a couple hours, I would feel myself get triggered. And I was like, this is so odd. It's like, it doesn't matter with people that I know or people that are my good friends.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
But if I see someone that seems like they're doing amazing things that's out there, and it's a man most of the time, it's a man that's doing something well in the world, I would be like, well, maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe they don't have time for me. Maybe I'm not worth texting back. And I was like, where's all of this coming from?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
How can I learn the next tip or trick to get myself out of this place or to get better? And so I was like, I'm going to get better. I'm trying to get smarter. And it was like adding more all of the time. These tips and these tricks and these psychological things to master my mind. But there's one habit that I believe has the power to transform your life at its core.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
So I noticed the trigger and I was like, where's this coming from? And I started getting really curious and I was able to kind of play it back to, I realized it came from my abandonment wound from my father. So, you know, not being there, my father would say that he would pick me up and then he would go to go fishing and then he would go to a bar and he would get drunk and he would forget about me.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Habit You Need to Reset Your Mindset
So I had this abandonment issue specifically with men and I was projecting my wound from Unto these other men. You see what I mean? It had nothing to do with them. It had nothing to do with the situation I was in. It had everything to do with an unhealed wound. Now, if I would have never asked myself questions and tried to figure myself out more, I would have never figured that out.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
I want you to understand, it is not a disorder. It's a trait. So what I mean by that is like disorder means that the connotation with disorder is probably like something's wrong with me, right? But there's nothing wrong with you. It's just a trait. Like some people are calm. Some people have tons of energy. Some people have curly hair. Some people have no hair. Some people have brown hair.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Some people have blonde hair. Some people have red hair. Some people are outgoing. Some people are shy. Some people are tall and some people are short. But none of those are disorders. They're just traits. Like I'm, for instance, I'm 6'2". The world is way different for me than someone who's 5'1". But the world's also way different for me than it is for someone who's 7'4".
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Not one of them is good and one of them is bad. None of them are good. None of them are bad. They just are. So what we need to do is we need to go, okay, this is how I am. And I just work with the cards I've been dealt versus going, oh, well, I have brown hair, so that's the reason why I'm not successful in this world. I'll never be successful because I have blonde hair. No.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
It's like, okay, you have ADD or ADHD. Cool. Let's work with it. Not blame it for why we're not where we want to be. Because you can work with it and use it for what it's used for. Because when you learn how to work with it, you'll actually be able to find out that it's a superpower. So what I want you to do is if you think that you have ADD or ADHD, I want you to stop thinking of it as a deficit.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Stop thinking about it as something that's holding you back. Society makes it seem like something is wrong with you. And I'm here to say, that's not true. Because, you know, they think, oh, there's something wrong with me. And then people think that they can't succeed because of it. So then I did some research. I'm like, are there any successful people with ADHD?
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And I was like, oh yeah, there are. Richard Branson, billionaire. He has ADHD. Bill Gates, billionaire. He has ADHD. Ryan Gosling, ADHD. Michael Phelps, ADHD. Simone Biles, ADHD. Michael Jordan, ADHD. Another billionaire. Justin Timberlake, ADHD. Jim Carrey, ADHD. We probably could guess that one. Shaq, ADHD. Ernest Hemingway, they think, had ADHD.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And many people actually speculate that Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison both had ADHD based off of what was known about their habits and their traits. So I say that to you because I don't want you to think this is a problem that I have and I won't be able to get the life I have because of it.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
I want you to think of it as like, oh, it's just a trait and I can work with it and still succeed and create the life that I want. So stop thinking that it's something that can hold you back. You just need to learn how to use it. But the way I want you to think of it is like this. Think of it as basically having a super fast race car for a brain. Like you have the Ferrari brain.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
ADHD brain goes super fast, and you can think a million things at once. It only becomes a problem when you need to hit the brakes and when you need to slow down or stop, or if you need to use it specifically for a reason. But a Ferrari brain, if used correctly, knowing that this is how I am, can be your superpower. And I did some research on it.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
It's estimated, just FYI, that if you have been told by a doctor that you have ADHD, it's estimated that between 30 to 40% of adults diagnosed with ADD or ADHD don't actually have it and they were misdiagnosed. That they just need to work on their focus. So I'm not saying that you do or you don't have it. I'm just giving you statistics.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
We're gonna talk about adult ADHD. Oh my gosh, and we're gonna talk about how to actually use a supercharged brain, which if you have ADHD, that's kind of what you have. And the reason why I think this is so important, I've talked about this in the past. I had a lot of emails the last time I spoke about this,
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
About 30 to 40% of adults that were told by a doctor that they have ADD or ADHD don't actually have it. And so... They just need to kind of work on their focus. And a lot of people that just are distracted say that they have ADHD, even though they've never actually been diagnosed with it. So let's talk about it. There's a couple main symptoms of ADHD. It's inattention and hyperactivity.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And you must know about these and understand what they are and how they work so that you can start to get the benefits from them as well. If you use them correctly, they can help you have your ADHD become your superpower. And so the first thing is inattention. And so inattention just basically means that you drift away from tasks that don't interest you very much.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
You know, it's been found that when someone with ADHD finds something that they like to do, They actually have a stronger level of focus than someone who doesn't have ADHD. They call it hyperfocus. So hold on, hold on. This is kind of crazy. We're told that people have this deficit and that they can't focus, but they have found that people who have ADHD, when they find something that they enjoy...
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
they actually have something called hyperfocus. They can lose themselves in it. And they can be so focused, they can just kind of disappear into whatever it is they're doing for two hours, three hours. No one talks about this. So the problem might not be your brain. It might be what you're doing in your life. If you're often distracted, you're not doing something that you enjoy.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
So maybe, just maybe, if you get distracted a lot when you're doing something... It might be that you just have a very, very intense BS meter for things that you don't like. Ah, this is BS. I'm not doing this. I'm just going to click off and start thinking about other stuff. But here's the cool part about inattention, though. The kid with ADHD in school, when they're not paying attention...
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And they're like, they have ADHD and they're trying to sit still. What are they usually doing? They're usually daydreaming in some sort of way. Teacher's like, hey, Johnny, hello, are you here? And he's like, oh, yes. What was I just talking about? I don't know, I'm not sure, I'm sorry. Usually they're daydreaming.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Your brain is searching for something interesting and exciting because you're so damn bored with what you're doing. And so naturally, that means that you're really good at discovering new things. You're naturally more creative. And so if you're out there and you have ADHD and you have a desk job where you do the same thing over and over and over again every single day,
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
it's probably really easy for you to get distracted, right? You might notice that your brain is off somewhere because your brain was not built for monotony. Your brain was built for creativity, not the same task over and over and over again. So what do you do? You try to use your brain for what it was built for. And so how do you use this superpower?
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Well, if you have a Ferrari, you can drive it slow if you want to, but eventually you're going to be like, this is boring. What do you do? If you have a Ferrari, you use it for what it's used for. Like you drive it the way it should be driven. You find a really nice curved road and you drive the hell out of that car, right? Do the same with your brain.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
is because so many people hold themselves back because of ADD or ADHD, whichever one you think you might have. And they blame it as if that's the reason why they're not successful, as if that's the reason, oh, well, I have ADD, so there's nothing I can do about it. I'm just going to be unsuccessful my entire life. oh, I'm not where I want to be in life. So it's because I have ADD, I can't do it.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Figure out what your brain was built for and start doing that. And we will be right back. And now, back to the show. Explore different subjects. You know, as someone who has ADD, you have more curiosity than the average person. So let your curiosity lead the way in your learning.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
You might find out that you're really into science or art or history because you decided to explore and you decided to let your mind wander. Also, it's been found that people who have ADD are very creative and really good at problem solving. So once your brain, if it's jumping from idea to idea, you're likely to come up with some creative solution that other people might not think of.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And so your superpower in this situation is actually your curiosity. You know, you can be very curious and you can have these great ideas. And that's a great part of what you have of having ADD is that you have amazing ideas and you have very outside of the box thinking. You're not really like put in one place and think inside the box.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
So you can see things from a point of view that the average person cannot. And so this really, really helps with problem solving. So that's something that people with ADD should try to do. Try to do more problem solving, try to be more creative, try to have more fun, try to find something where you can love it so much that hyper-focus clicks in and you can just lose yourself in that thing.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Because if you do that, that's what your brain is built for. So that's the first thing is inattention. The next thing is hyperactivity, which is like this powerhouse of energy. Hyperactivity might make it hard for you to sit still, but guess what? It's also like having a near endless supply of energy. My friend Amy, 100% has ADHD. And that woman has more energy than any person I've ever met.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
When I first met her like 10 years ago, 15 years ago almost at this point, she would wake up in the morning. Well, first off, she would party until like three o'clock in the morning. And then she would wake up and be at the gym at 8 a.m. to teach spin class. And she would teach like three classes of spin class.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Then she would get out, she'd get done, she'd eat some food, and then she'd go out and party again. And I was like, how do you have so much energy? She'd be up until three o'clock and then she'd be at spin class at five and she'd do three classes. I was like, this is insane. And then she'd have a ton of energy to go out and party again.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And so, you know, she has so much energy, but, you know, she also loses her phone at least once a day. That's just known the amount of times that we've had to go back to a place because Amy forgot her phone at a restaurant. Happens all the time, right? And so while other people might get tired, you're the type of person where you can just get started.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And so this energy can actually be your powerhouse and it can drive you to achieve more. It can drive you to go further. And so you've got to try to make the most of this balanced energy versus being like, oh my God, I've got so much energy. I can't sit still. This is a problem. It's like, no, how can you use it for your benefit?
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
So what I would recommend is like, you've definitely got to stay active, like channel your energy into sports, into dance, into physical activities, into martial arts in some sort of way. It's a really great way for you to focus your mind and use your power for good. Also, what I would recommend with all of this energy is to take on some challenges.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Like give your brain new challenges to work through. Your brain is creative. You've got more energy. It's more curious than the average person. So allow yourself to be more curious. Allow yourself to start thinking outside of the box and start thinking things that are different. You have stamina to see things through when other people might give up or might just get tired.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And so you've got to see how you can turn it into your superpower. Like ADHD can be your superpower. And so having ADHD is like having a toolbox that's filled with very unique tools. And it's all about how do I actually use them? And so here are some ways to get the most of your superpowers. Number one, first off, if you have it, accept it. Embrace it.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Oh, I can't focus. It's because I have ADD. And they use it as like this external thing that they can blame as to why they don't have the life that they want. But I really believe, I've done a lot of research on ADD and ADHD recently. And I think that the way that ADD is talked about is completely false. When you look at it, ADD, attention deficit disorder. Deficit disorder.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Don't see it as some sort of deficit, like there's a problem with you. I've talked to so many people who have ADHD, and it's so hard for them to stop fighting for their ADHD to be something that's wrong with them. For years, they've seen it as a problem. And when they realize that it's not a problem, it's still hard for them to let go of like, okay, it's not a problem.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
It's something that I need to contain and I need to work through and I need to use it the right way. It's not a bad thing, like you've been told. And that's one thing I really want you to understand. It's a really good thing when you use it correctly. It's just a trait of yours. And so use it to create amazing things in your life, to come up with amazing ideas. Also use it to find your passion.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
welcome to today's episode of the mindset mentor podcast i'm your host rob dial if you have not yet done so hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode and if you're out there and you want to get some text messages from me with some tips and tricks on your mindset throughout the week and you live in the united states or canada text me right now 512-580-9305 once again 512-580-9305 today
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
Like I said, Because of the fact that you have, if you do have ADD or ADHD, you have a very low tolerance for shit that you don't like. That's why you get bored. That's why your mind clicks off. That's why you're going off into daydreaming and thinking about other things is because your brain doesn't like monotony and it doesn't like doing something that you don't want to do.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And so use your curiosity, use your creativity, use your energy for doing things that you love doing. People with ADHD have a very low tolerance for stuff that they don't like. So just find your passions. Find things that you want to do. When you're passionate about something, your ADD can help you excel more than you can possibly imagine.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
So you just might not like the box that society's put you into and that you've put yourself into. You know, ADHD is a sign that your brain is equipped with some pretty amazing features. So I really want you to stop looking at it as if it's something wrong with you, as if it's a deficit, as if, oh my gosh, I wish I were just normal. No, that's not the way that you wanna look at it.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
You wanna look at it and go, okay, are there challenges with that? Sure, there's challenges of a brain that doesn't have ADHD. But what I want you to do is actually start seeing it as a toolbox and a collection of superpowers.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
whether it's your curiosity, whether it's your creativity, or it's your endless amounts of energy, when you realize that you can use it the right way, when you use it for good, it can help you get so much further along in life. And if there's so many successful people that have created amazing lives with ADHD, you can do it as well.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
You just got to realize how to harness the superpower of the supercharged brain. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So I'd greatly, greatly appreciate if you would share it.
The Mindset Mentor
Adult ADHD: Harnessing the Supercharged Brain
And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
So basically looking at yourself with more self-awareness is what they were teaching the children. So that was group number two. And then group number three, they had them do the puzzles. But before they did the puzzles, they had to pick a costume of their favorite costume that they wanted to wear. So one of them was a Batman cape. Another one was a Wonder Woman outfit.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
Another one was Dora the Explorer. Another one was their favorite Disney princess. And so they had them go in dressed up to see if maybe things change if they were dressed up as their favorite character. So group one, which was they just put them into the room and said, hey, do puzzles, did the worst out of all three groups.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
Group two, which was the group that looked at themselves with more self-awareness, did 13% better than group number one. And so it's this idea of like self-distancing. They basically looked at themselves from outside of themselves. And because they were in a way watching themselves, they decided to work a little bit more and go a little bit further.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And if you're out there and you want to create a morning routine to brainwash yourself into what you want to believe about yourself and to get deep thoughts and beliefs about yourself into your subconscious, go get my morning priming technique. You can go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
Group three did 23% better than group number one. And that was the best one. And they found out that group three, the ones that were dressed up as Batman or Dora the Explorer, their favorite Disney princess, were more resilient and more diligent in trying to solve the problems. Group one, the children actually gave up really quickly that they were surprised with.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And what they ended up finding out, and this is a really interesting part of the study, is that the children, their self-talk while they were quote unquote failing and not figuring this out was mostly negative. So children, listen to this, between four to six years old, their self-talk was mostly negative.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
So they would be doing it and they weren't solving the problem and they would say stuff like, I can't do this, or this is too hard, or I'm not smart enough, or I'm not old enough to get this. Now let's take a real quick step back, right? Okay. They're children between four and six years old. Where do you think that they got those thoughts from of, I can't do this. It's too hard.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
I'm not smart enough. I'm not old enough to do this. Where do you, do you think those are the thoughts that just popped into their heads? Or do you think maybe they got them from somewhere? Yeah, they probably got them, most likely, from their parents talking to them or hearing their parents talking to themselves around them.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And so without the self-awareness of them having to watch themselves, like group two, the children were basically on autopilot, which means that they were working from their unconscious programmings.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
What I mean by that is they were working from what they have seen other people do and what they have seen other people say about themselves, and they were working from what they have been told from other people as well. Now think about this for a second. Once again, this is children between four to six years old.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
They say that your full self-identity is not even built fully until you're about seven years old. When did you learn to give up? Like, when did you learn what fear was? When did you learn what to fear? When did you learn who you were? Good, bad, too loud, too much, quiet, good boy, good girl, whatever it might have been. Let me give you a real quick example. Does a baby decide to stop walking?
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
because it's taking too long to get it. I've never heard the story of the baby who decided to just stop walking and stop trying. No, they persist. They don't understand language yet, so they don't understand their parents' words around them, so they don't understand what quote-unquote failure means. They don't know what it means to give up.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
But at some point, we as children, we learn what we can and cannot do. We learn how to give up. We learn what to fear. Now, the cool thing is when the children are seeing themselves from outside of themselves, so they're seeing it from an outsider's perspective, it's almost as if they're being watched so they want to do better. So most of them are now becoming more self-aware.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
They're more self-aware. They're watching themselves versus just running off of programs. They're not running off of old programmings and whatever they might have been taught from their parents or from brothers or sisters. And the coolest thing about this is the children that were wearing the costumes, their self-talk and the way they spoke to themselves out loud actually changed.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
It's absolutely free, and I'll take you through step-by-step how to create your own morning priming routine. Today, we're going to be talking about how your thoughts and your words shape your reality. And I know I just recently did a podcast episode about the power of your words and how it shapes your reality.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
So instead of the children saying something like group one, which is like, I can't do this. This is too hard. I'm not smart enough. They said things out loud to themselves like Batman would never give up. Come on, Dora, you got this. I believe in you.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And so what's really interesting about the whole thing is based off of the way they were dressed, number one, their perception of themselves changed. And number two, their self-talk actually changed. Group one, children gave up pretty quickly. But group three, some of the children, they had to pull away from trying the puzzles because they weren't giving up.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
They were telling themselves, I'm not giving up. And so they had to pull some of those children's away based off of who they were dressed up as, how they perceived themselves, and how they reacted to the challenge changed based off of the way they were dressed. So what's the most important part of this whole thing? The most important part of the study is self-perception.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And when self-perception changed, self-talk changed. And when both of those change, their actions change. And when actions change, guess what happens? Results change. They no longer viewed themselves as a little child. They viewed themselves as the best version of themselves that they could be, their favorite superhero. That begs the question, what do you believe of yourself?
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
Because what you believe of you and yourself will be your absolute max of what you can achieve. If you want more for yourself, you have to believe more of yourself. Your belief of yourself, your self-perception is the thing that needs to be worked on. So it created this study, basically this bucket of psychology of enclosed cognition, which is great.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
It works on kids, but how does this relate to adults? Well, I'm so glad that you asked. There's now been a bunch of studies on adults of enclosed cognition. And there was a study that was done called the Influence of Clothes on Cognitive Processes in 2010. And the study looked at how uniform clothing affects cognitive processing.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And so it particularly looked on how it impacts feelings of your power and control. And so their methodology was basically this. Participants were asked to wear formal business attire, or another group was asked to wear casual clothing. And what they did was they had them complete tasks that assess their abstract thinking. And abstract thinking is a measure that is linked to a sense of power.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And so the results were pretty interesting. Participants that had the formal attire on, that were dressed up, exhibited more abstract thinking, which correlates to a heightened sense of power. They think higher of themselves. They subconsciously, or maybe even consciously, viewed themselves differently based off of what it is that they were wearing. It's not just the Batman outfit.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
But today's episode, I'm actually going to show you an example, actually a couple of examples. that show you how the way that you speak to yourself, the way that you think about yourself, actually shows the results that you're going to get in your life. One of my favorite studies about this is a study that's called the Batman Effect.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
It's also, for some people, formal attire. And so consciously or subconsciously, these people viewed themselves differently based off of the way that they were dressed. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. We've all had this before, right? You decide that you're going to go to a nicer thing.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
Maybe you're taking your, it's Valentine's Day and you're going to take your wife out and you decide to wear a suit. You decide to put on a tie and you get more formal or maybe you go to a wedding and you look at yourself in the mirror and it's something that you haven't worn in a while and you're like, shit, I look pretty good. And you think you're looking good. You walk a little bit different.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
You talk a little bit different. You have better posture. You put your shoulders back more. You don't lean over as much. There's been many studies on this. The original study that was done like in clothed cognition was called in clothed cognition.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And the study, what they actually did was they were trying to figure out if a lab coat would affect the way that somebody reacted and the way they participated. And so what they have is they would look like, hey, if we bring a lab coat in, will it affect the participant's attention? And the researchers performed several different experiments where the attire was changed.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And so what they did was experiment one, they had participants wear a lab coat and they described the lab coat, this is the important part of it, of a doctor's coat. And when they had a lab coat that was called a doctor's coat, the people who wore it had increased sustained attention compared to those who were wearing regular street clothes. So it's really interesting.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
If somebody just walks off the street, they're just themselves. But if they put a lab coat on, they think to themselves, oh, I'm a lab coat. I'm dressing up like a doctor. It showed increased sustained attention. So they had more attention while they were going through these experiments. That was experiment one. Experiment two was,
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
This is a part of the study that divided participants a little bit more into two groups. So one wore the same lab coat, but they were told it was a painter's coat. It's the same coat, but they were told that, hey, go ahead and put this painter's coat on. And then another group wore the exact same lab coat, but they described it once again as a doctor's coat.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And those that were wearing the doctor's coat made significantly fewer errors on attention demanding tasks, the test was called a Stroop test, than those that were dressed up as a painter. They finished in less time with less errors simply by wearing a lab coat.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And the participants who wore a coat that was decided as a doctor's coat showed better attentional focus than those who wore one that was described as a painter's coat. It's the same coat, but it has different meaning. And this is, I coached this a lot, like I coach a lot of business owners. And this is one of the reasons why I tell people, like a lot of people work from home.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
I tell people, if you work from home, you have to, have to, have to go through your morning routine, Get a workout in, do your meditation, whatever it is, your coffee. I don't really care what your morning routine is. But then make sure that you shower and get dressed as if you're going to work.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And so the Batman Effect was a study that they did on children a few years ago that were between four years old and six years old. And they took these children and they put them into three different groups. One of the groups, all they did was they just walked into a room and they did puzzles. And just so you know, these puzzles were unsolvable.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
If you wear your pajamas while working, it's a way different vibe than if you woke up, you meditated, you got your workout in, you showered, and then you got dressed. It's this feeling of... I'm showering. I'm going to work. Like most people, if you're wearing pajamas, pajamas don't really seem to be the most, I don't know, focused outfit to wear, the most productive outfit to wear.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
Like nobody just walks. If you work at Google, you don't just drive into Google wearing your pajamas. No, you're going to wake up. Hopefully you're going to get dressed. You're going to get showered. You're going to get dressed. And it's this feeling of like, I'm showing up for work. And if you wear PJs, you're mentally, you haven't closed out the act of sleeping.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
You haven't moved on to another chapter. You never show up to the office in your pajamas. So don't do it at home. You know, and this is another thing that I've spoke about it before, but my friend Todd Herman wrote a book called The Alter Ego Effect. He talks about the difference of when he's going to work, he dresses differently. When he's going to hang out with his family, he dresses differently.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And he talks about in his book called The Alter Ego Effect of developing an alter ego. So when he sits down to work, he puts on glasses and this is something that he did years ago when he was younger, where he was not confident. And he realized if I'm a, he was a professional speaker. If I'm a professional speaker, I've got to be able to make cold calls.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
I got to be able to sell my services to people. And he would have this list that he needed to make cold calls to. And he was just not doing it, not doing it, not do it. And he's like, you know what? I'm going to stop being Todd for a little while. I'm going to develop an alter ego. And Todd's middle name is Richard. So he developed Super Richard is what he called it.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And Super Richard was a different person to him. He was badass. He was hardworking. He didn't care about rejection. And because when he first started his business, he was shy. He didn't want to make cold calls. And so he said, when I put on these glasses, and these are glasses that no joke, are non-prescriptive glasses. They're just literally glasses. He puts them on.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
He says, okay, I'm going to be super Richard. And he imagines himself embodying three people that he really looks up to. Benjamin Franklin, Joseph Campbell, and Superman. And he realized when he was super Richard, he didn't give a damn if he got rejected because Todd didn't get rejected. Richard got rejected. And so he had this thing of like, okay, this is who I am.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
I'm a badass, hardworking, don't give a damn about rejection when I put on these glasses. What he realized, though, once he had a family was that he didn't want to bring Super Richard home to his children. And so what he would do, and now he works from home, and this is exactly what he does. When he's done with working, he closes out work. He doesn't want to be that person at home.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
So they put these children into a room, they gave them puzzles that were completely unsolvable. That's group one. Group two, they put them into the room to do puzzles. But what they said to them is try to see yourself doing them first. from outside of yourself. So they taught them basically about what it would look like to look at yourself from a third person.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
So he has right outside of his office or right at the inside of his office door, he has a wristband that he puts on and it says something like family first. And so what he does is he takes off his glasses, his super Richard glasses, he puts them down, he's done with work.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
He puts on his wristband and he imagines himself embodying the personalities of two people who he really looks up to that he wants to be like with his children. Number one is his father. He said he had one of the best fathers ever. He was amazing. And number two is Mr. Rogers. So he's like, when I put on this wristband, I imagine myself embodying Mr. Rogers and my father.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And so now you can sit there for a second and be like, well, that's goofy. What does this guy know about developing alter egos? Well, he's the guy who told and helped Kobe Bryant develop his alter ego of the Black Mamba. So clearly this guy knows what the hell he's talking about.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
And so really what it comes down to and what's super important about this whole thing is what do you believe in yourself? You know, if you just believe I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, you're not going to take as much action. Study after study after study show that.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
But if you start shifting the way that you think about yourself and the way that you speak to yourself, all of that is going to change how you show up in the world, the actions that you take, and the results that you get in your life. That's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.
The Mindset Mentor
The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong
Also, once again, as I said, if you want to get your own brainwashing morning priming techniques so that you can consciously brainwash yourself to think and be whoever it is that you want to be. and not have to worry about your old programmings, you can download my free lesson on it at morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
By reminding constantly oneself of important personal values and how they want to show up in the world, which impacted their overall well-being. their sense of self, and their self-esteem. So once again, it reminded them of important personal values and how they want to show up in the world. That's what affirmations were used for, and that's what they helped with.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
There's so much power in the words that we use, and I talk about this in many episodes because I don't really think that people fully get how much of a spell they're placing on themselves by what they say. So there's so much power in the words that we use and what we say, but not just the words that we say, but also the energy behind what it is that we say.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And I'm going to give you the most powerful phrase in any language in just a little bit to help you out with it. But I'll give you a quick example of how your words can just shift a little bit of how you feel based off of what you say. Think about the phrase, I have to. Like I hear this all the time. I have to do this. I have to do this. I still catch myself saying it sometimes.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And if you're out there and you want to brainwash yourself to think and believe what you want to believe about yourself and about the world for you to create the life that you want and not what you've been raised and what's been programmed into you, I created a short video lesson to teach you exactly how to create your own brainwashing technique, which I call morning priming.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And when I do, I try to change it and rephrase it. When you say, I have to do something, how does that feel? Like if we're talking about the energy behind those words, how does it feel in your body to have to do something? What visual or memory does it bring up for you when you think about having to do something?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Can you think of a moment in time in your recent past or way back when you were a child of having to do something? What visual pops up in your head? What memory pops up in your head when you think about having to do something? For me, I can tell you exactly what I think of when I have to do something.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
The visual it reminds me of is when my mom and I lived in Sarasota, Florida, and I would drag myself miserably through the house slowly to have to go mow the lawn because the last thing I never wanted to mow the damn lawn. And we had this big, long lawn. and it would get overgrown because I would go weeks without doing it. And then I would have to push the lawnmower.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
We didn't have like a riding lawnmower. I had to push the lawnmower. I had to do it. That's what I always think of. That's the feeling that I go back to of having to do something. What about you? having to do something doesn't bring me into a motivated or inspired energy in my body. I'm not like, ooh, yes, I have to do something.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
No, I feel like that teenager again is like, oh man, I just want to sleep on the couch. I don't want to do that. I want to take a nap. You know, that's the way I was when I was a teenager. So what do you think of What do you think of that? And what do you think that subconsciously does to you to think that you have to do something? The energy behind that slows you down. It drains you.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
It lowers your inspiration in some sort of way. Have you ever said I have to work out? I catch myself doing it all the time. No, you don't have to work out. You choose to work out. I hate when people say I have to do something. And when it could be, I choose to do it. When you say I have to do something, it makes you a victim in your own life. If you say I choose to work out, that's power.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
That's choice. That's sovereignty behind those words. Even if it's something you don't necessarily want to do, when you choose to do it, that puts you into a place of being the one that's in control of your own life. And then you can go out and do it. Or someone says like, oh, I don't have enough time. I'm too busy. I'm trying. Right? Think about that. It's like, no, you don't try.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
You either do something or you do not do something. There is no try. And so when you think about the words that you use, it's really important.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
If you want to get it, you can go to morningpriming.com right now. It's absolutely free. Once again, morningpriming.com. And I'll show you how to create your own practice that you do every single day. Today, we're going to be talking about the power of the affirmations that you use, how to create affirmations, and the most powerful words that you can use in the language that you speak.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And if you've ever been on one of my coaching sessions live that I do on Zoom sometimes, and I'm talking with somebody one-on-one, there's a lot of times, and I don't want to do it to be like an ass, but I'll stop people in the middle of talking and say, okay, hold on, you just said this. What's a better way of saying that? Okay, you just said this. What's a better way of saying that?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Because there's so many little tiny shifts That if we just make them in the way that we say things, it takes us out of a place of being a victim and puts us into a place of power in our own lives. And so now let me share with you, and we're going to talk deeply about this, what the most powerful phrase in the entire universe is for you. Okay? The phrase is, I am. I am dot, dot, dot.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
It is the most powerful phrase in your language. Translated to whatever language you speak, I am is the most powerful phrase. The reason why is because it creates quite literally what you think of yourself. Quite literally, it creates your identity of who you think you are, what you think is possible, what you think you can do, your beliefs, your fears, your worries, all of it.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And so you've got to be very, very conscious of when you say I am and what follows it. Because it either opens doors to all of the possibilities for you or it just slams it shut. And most of the time when we use the phrase I am, we're just slamming doors shut so that there's no opportunity, there's no possibility, there's nothing we can create from that.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And it creates your identity of what you think of yourself. And your identity shifts the way that you speak. the actions that you take, the results that you have, and the world that you create around you as well. There is no more powerful words than the phrase, I am. And if you think about the phrase I am, think about these words and figure out what your most desirable one is for you.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
I am powerful. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am sexy. I am amazing. I am loving. I am loved. I am healed. Which one's your favorite out of those? And when you hear that, what's the energy that you feel inside of your body when you say, I am loved? When you say, I am amazing? When you say, I am powerful? What's the energy behind those words? How does it make you feel inside of your body?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Versus, I am fat. I am dumb. I am unlovable. I'm stupid. I'm ugly. I'm a loser. Which one of those have you said to yourself before? And when you attach yourself to that, how does it make you feel? What's the energy behind those words? How does it feel inside of your body? Now, some of you have a BS meter. Most of you have a BS meter.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
If you listen to me, you probably have a very high BS meter is what it is. Notice I didn't say, oh, I am rich. I am wealthy. I am confident. Those are stupid because if you're not rich and you're not wealthy, your BS meter is going, no, you've got $5 in your bank account. If you're saying I am beautiful and you don't believe it, your BS meter is going, no, you're hideous, right?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
So when you create your affirmation about yourself, when you create what is you say about yourself, you can't just say, okay, what do I normally say about myself? What's the exact opposite? Okay, I'm going to start saying that and I'm going to brainwash myself into believing it. No, it's not the way that it works. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And the most powerful words are... are probably gonna surprise you in some sort of way. In past episodes recently, I talked about the law of attraction. I talked about how to manifest the life that you want. So you can go back and you can listen to those that I put up recently. But part of manifesting a life that you want deals with the words that you use.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
I always say that there's three parts to creating a powerful affirmation. I guess you could say four. The first thing is it has to start with I am. And the second thing is that it needs to be true, then it needs to be present tense, and it needs to be empowering. So it starts with I am, true, present tense, empowering.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
So instead of saying something like I am rich where your BS meter is going to just go off, what you're going to say is something like I'm working hard to create more wealth. Which one feels more in alignment? Which one feels more true? Which one feels like you line up with it? I am rich, BS meter, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. No, you're broke as hell. I'm working hard to create more wealth.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
You know what? I have been working really hard recently. That's actually true. I am working hard to create more wealth. Well, that feels better, right? If you say I am fit and then you look at yourself in the mirror and you're like, nope, you're not. Versus I'm working hard to create a strong and healthy body. Okay, that feels better, right? I'm working hard to create a strong and healthy body.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And you keep saying this over and over and over to yourself. It's kind of like a song that's on repeat in the back of your head. And so you wake up and you say it to yourself over and over and over again. You do a meditation, you say it to yourself over and over and over again. You put it on the background of your phone. You say it to you before you go to bed every single night.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
When you're walking around the office and you're going to get coffee or you're walking to the bathroom in the office, you're saying, I'm working hard to create a strong and healthy mind. Whatever it is you're trying to do, right? Instead of saying, I'm successful and you're not successful at all,
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Which is what most people, oh yeah, well, even if you're just at home and you're broke, if you're homeless right now and you have nothing and you've never been successful, just sit and say I'm successful and naturally you'll start to believe it. Then you'll start taking the actions of a successful person. No, your BS meter is going to just kick that right out.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Instead of saying I'm successful, you'd say something like, I am taking steps to achieve my goals. I'm consistently working harder and taking steps to achieve my goals. That feels a little bit better, doesn't it? Instead of saying I am confident when you have no confidence, I'm learning to trust myself and my abilities every day. Or I'm trusting myself and my abilities every day.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
I'm trusting myself and my abilities. I'm learning to trust myself. in my abilities every single day. That feels better, right? If you're sad, if you're depressed, you can't just be like, I am happy. It doesn't work that way. Your BS meters can be like, no, you're not. So you would say something like, I'm choosing to focus on gratitude and joy in my daily life.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
I am choosing to focus on gratitude and joy in my daily life. I am focusing on gratitude and joy in my daily life. If you feel like, You don't have a whole lot of love around you. Maybe there's a couple people, but you don't feel so loved. Maybe you're in a relationship and you kind of feel like you're distant from that person.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Instead of saying, I am loved and thinking that's going to shift the entire universe, you could say stuff like, I have people who appreciate and support me. Okay, that makes you feel a little bit better, right? It makes you feel a little bit more loved. Your BS meter doesn't go off if you have that.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
It's not just about visualizing, that is important, but it's also about the words that you use. The words that you use are spells that you're placing on yourself. And so you've got to be very, very conscious of what it is that you say. And this isn't just like woo-woo anymore. There are many psychological studies around affirmations.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
If you feel like you're mentally weak and you're just not as strong as you want to be, instead of saying, I am strong, you'd say stuff like, I'm developing resilience and learning to overcome challenges. I'm developing my resilience and I'm learning to overcome challenges. Do you see what I'm saying?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
It's just, there's another way of doing it where it doesn't feel like BS because the way that you speak to yourself matters maybe more than anything else in the entire world. The reason why is because it actually, and I don't like to use the word literally because I feel like everybody's like, literally, there was 500 cops down the road. You're like, there was not 500 cops down the road.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
There was three, right? Literally this, literally, but literally the way that you speak to yourself matters. is the most important thing that happens in your life because it creates, it shapes your entire world. It shapes your entire reality. Every time you declare I am, and I am is a declaration, you are reinforcing an identity. What identity are you reinforcing? You've got to ask yourself that.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Now, let's take this a little bit deeper. What identity do you want to reinforce? Do you want to be someone who is confident, who is resilient, who is unstoppable, who is successful? Well, then start to speak it. Stop speaking the past. Because if you speak the past of who you've been in the past, guess what your future is going to be? A repeat of the past.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
You've got to have kind of like a little bit of naivete around yourself to speak what you want into existence versus speaking the past into existence. You have to learn to speak what it is that you want. Do you want to be someone who's confident, who's taking action, who's doing what they need to do?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Or do you want to be someone who's stuck, who's unsure, who's full of doubt, who's full of worries, who's full of fears, who's full of anxiety? If you don't want to be that person, stop feeding that narrative. Your subconscious is always listening to you, always absorbing the words that you say about yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
Words don't just talk about what's going on in the present moment and talk about what's going on in the future. Your words are actually creating your future in this moment. So you've got to make those words the words that you want. Those words have to be empowering. If you don't feel empowered with the shit that comes out of your mouth, then change what comes out of your mouth. Think about that.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
I've got a challenge for you. For the next seven days, I want you to commit to removing all of the disempowering I am statements from your vocabulary. That's what I want you to do. Remove them. Anytime you say something, I am, and it's followed by disempowering, make a note of it. Write it down. I'm not going to say it anymore.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And then what you do is you replace them with the affirmations that align with the person that you want to be. Can you do that? The person that you want to be, not who you've been in the past, not who you currently are, but the person that you want to be. And every time you catch yourself saying something negative, pause. Stop.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
One of the most famous ones was done in 1988 by Claude Steele in the magazine Social Cognition. And there was a paper that was on the concept of self-affirmation. And it was in the context of social psychological theory. And it showed that affirmations helped build and maintain self-integrity. And this is the important thing.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
reframe it, and then say it again differently with intention versus saying it on autopilot like you have been. Because your words are the greatest weapon that you have to use against yourself or for yourself. So you have to understand with this weapon, choose wisely the way that you're going to use it. Are you going to use it for the greater good or are you going to use it to destroy yourself?
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
So that is the power of affirmations and how to use them. So if you love this episode, please do me a massive, massive favor. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys actually sharing it. And so if you would share it. I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Put on your Instagram stories. Tag me at Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.
The Mindset Mentor
The Power of Affirmations
And once again, as I said earlier, if you want to use your own brainwashing techniques, create your own morning priming techniques to brainwash what you want to believe about yourself and what you're creating in the world into yourself, you can get my free video lesson on morning priming if you go to morningpriming.com. Once again, morningpriming.com. It's absolutely free. You can get it there.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And so what you wanna do is you wanna find one thing that's gonna change your life massively. Maybe it's just working out because when you work out and it's only working out, I'm not saying you need to change your entire life, but when you start working out, You start doing other things naturally. Like you start eating healthier. You start drinking more water. You start getting more sleep.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
You start eating less sugar. You start drinking less alcohol. I don't even care about all those other things. I just want you to work out every day for the next 100 days or something like that, right? Let's say another thing that you could do would be waking up early, right? I don't care about anything else except for you waking up early every single day for the next 100 days.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
If you rely on motivation, you'll only take action when you quote unquote, feel like it. And if you only take action when you, if I only took action when I felt like it, I would not be anywhere where I want to be. And I don't think any person would be where they want to be if they only took action when they feel like it. That is the fastest way to fail.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Because then you wake up and you're like, well, I've got some extra time. Maybe I'll work out today and... I've got some extra time today, so maybe I'll journal today. And I've got some extra time today, so maybe I'll read today. I've got some extra time today, so maybe I'll meditate. I've got some extra time today, maybe I'll do some yoga. Maybe I'll go for a walk.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
I don't care about all those other things. I care about just wake up early. Maybe you decide, oh, I just want to eat healthy. That's fine. Just eat healthy. And that turns into, you know what? I'm going to stop drinking so much. I'm going to drink some more water. I'm going to go on more walks. I'm going to, you know, do some yoga every day. I don't care about all those other things.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Just eat healthy. Find one thing that is not a huge thing that you could commit to for 100 days. And then all you need to do is just track it. Because it's about being consistent, not motivated. Motivation is unreliable. Consistency is unstoppable. If you want something in your life, stop waiting for motivation to get started.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Pick one thing, stick to it for the next 100 days, and watch how it starts to transform everything else in your life. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Success doesn't come from waiting for the right feeling. It comes from moving forward, especially when you don't feel like it. It comes from saying, hey, I said I was going to do this. I need to get it done. I don't necessarily feel like it, but my feelings should not dictate my actions because my actions are going to dictate the life that I want. So I need to take the right actions.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
So what you want is you want to be consistent. Consistency wins. When I look at someone who is extremely successful, whether it's in business, whether it's in the relationship, whether it's a professional athlete, it is the person who is the most consistent. that always wins.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
I will always bet, and I'm not a betting man, but if I were a betting man, I would always bet on the consistent person over the motivated one. Motivation is fleeting. It's sometimes here, most of the time it's not. But I want to be the person who's consistent, who shows up every single day. Think of like the gym, for instance.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And if you're out there and you want to be in charge of your own brainwashing and you want to brainwash yourself to create the life that you want, to believing it's possible and to actually taking the action, you can download my free video lesson on how to use my morning priming techniques so that you can be in charge of brainwashing yourself the way that you want to.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
The person who works out three times a week for an entire year will always beat the person who works out seven days a week for a month and then quits. Motivation is the spark, consistency is the fire that just keeps burning long after the spark has gone away, long after the motivation has disappeared. So anybody can start something, and most people are really good at starting something,
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And you can start it when you're excited, but few people can keep it going after the excitement is gone. And so consistency is a character trait that we want to build within ourselves. And just FYI, consistency doesn't mean you have to win 100% of the time. Like you have to show up every single day for the next thousand days.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
That's really hard to do, but you need to be more consistent more than you're not consistent. It's kind of like James Clear. One of the quotes that I love from him is that every action that you take is a vote for the person that you wish to become. And he talks about voting and it's like a person in order to be elected doesn't have to get 100% of the votes.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
They just have to get the majority of the votes. And so can you make sure that the majority of your actions are consistent of you taking the action that you need to to get what you want? So if You're trying to lose weight. I don't expect you to work out every single day for this entire year. That's hard to do. But can you make sure that you show up four days a week, five days a week?
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Consistency is a character trait. Consistency is not something that you're built with and born with. It's something that you develop within yourself and it becomes part of who you are. It's not pre-wired into you. Nobody's born consistent. It's built through habits and it's built through discipline. If you don't have the life that you want, be more disciplined. Be more consistent.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And because of the fact that it's not pre-wired, it means that you can develop it no matter who you are, no matter how great your life is, no matter how crap your life is right now. The most successful people in the world are not the ones that are the most talented or the most gifted. They're the ones that show up every single day.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And if you look at it, like the thing that I love about sports is that you can see people who are extremely talented get drafted into the NFL number one, for instance, and then they don't work and they disappear into oblivion. They have so much talent. but it doesn't last. But then you see people like Tom Brady, who is, I think, drafted like number 199, but he is the most consistent.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
He retired a year and a half ago at this point, and he still works out in the mornings, puts up his videos on YouTube and on Instagram and stuff like that, doing the same workouts as if he is going to go back and play a game on this Sunday. So the people who win long term are not the ones that are most gifted. The most talented are the ones that put in the work for the longest amount of time.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
If you want to get it for free, it is morningpriming.com. Once again, the lesson is at morningpriming.com. Check it out. See if it helps you. Today, I'm going to be talking about how consistency is the key to your success. Now, I will put all of my money all of the time on a consistent person over a motivated person.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And so what I would recommend is to plan your life as if most days you're not going to be motivated and most days you're not going to want to do it. You may be motivated, you may not be motivated. But when you focus on consistency, when you focus on just planning to get it done no matter what, you win. When you hope and pray that tomorrow, I hope and pray that I'm motivated to grow my business.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
If you think that way, you're going to lose. If you're waiting to feel motivated, it's like waiting for the perfect weather to go on a run. If you're waiting for that, you're never going to get started. Consistency is about creating the momentum so that even on the bad days, you can still take action. All right, well, I was going to go running today. The weather looks like trash. So you know what?
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
I'm just going to walk up and down my stairs for the next 30 minutes. you're still gonna get it done. It's not going, oh, it wasn't what I wanted it to be, so I guess I'm gonna skip. It's like, no, I'm still gonna do it because I said I was gonna do it. I'm gonna figure out a way. Expecting motivation every day, it's just not realistic.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Expecting yourself can be consistent is where the real power is. So if I'm on a weight loss journey, I can work out when I'm motivated, But what happens on the days that I don't feel like working out? That's where most people quit. Motivation says, oh, I'll go when I feel like it. Consistency is the feeling of I go no matter what. Think about that for a second. Motivation.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Oh, if I feel like it, I'll do it. Consistency is I go no matter what. No matter what I feel like, no matter what the weather is, no matter what the world is happening around me, I do it no matter what. That is the mindset that you have to have for whatever it is that you want. Whether it's building a successful business, building the body that you want, building the relationship that you want.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Consistency says I will do this no matter what. Consistency is... Listen, I said I was committed to working out today. I'm not gonna go to bed until it's done. Not, oops, I ran out of time. Maybe tomorrow I'll get it done. No, that's not committed to something. That's not being consistent. Oh, I ran out of time. Maybe tomorrow. No, it's like, I'm going to get it done.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
I'm going to move my schedule around to make sure that I have enough time to get it done today. If I run out of time, if it is 11 o'clock at night, I had a busy day and oh my God, I forgot to work out. Got to get it done. You know, I used to run this challenge at the beginning of every single year. Originally started off as 60 days called the Iron Mind 60.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And part of it was that you had to do five different things every single day for 60 days straight. And one of them was working out. And I remember it was me and my wife. We were doing it. I was running the entire thing. I had a thousand people. They were doing it as well. I had to show up, right? I remember my wife and I were traveling and we went to Denver. Get into Denver. We get into our hotel.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
I'm at the event. I go to the event. I have everything I need to do. We get done at the event. Then we have dinner. It's like 1030 at night. And I go, oh my God, Lauren, we forgot to work out today. And the requirement was you have to work out for at least 30 minutes. And she's like, well, what do we do?
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
I'm like, I can't tell people to work out every day for 60 days in a row and take a cold shower every single day for 60 days in a row and to not drink alcohol every day for 60 days in a row and all of these other requirements that we had. I was like, I have to get it done. We have to do it.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And so her and I, at like 11, 1130 at night, after all of this traveling, an entire day at an event, all of that, We ended up just taking, no joke, took all of the towels that we could find in the hotel, put them down on the ground. And then we just literally did our workout. We put on YouTube and we got our workout done and acted like the towers were our yoga mats. We built up a sweat.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Then we're like, all right, well, now we got to take a shower, go to bed. So we went to bed later than we had been planning. And maybe that turns into less sleep tonight. But at least I got it done and I can plan ahead to make sure I get it done tomorrow. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. Consistency is saying, it's not saying, oops, I ran out of time.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
What's really interesting is that people always ask me how to get more motivated, but very rarely do people ask me the question of how do I just stay consistent? For some reason, everybody thinks that they want to be motivated. And I'm here to tell you, you don't want to be motivated. If you're sitting there thinking that you need to be motivated before you take any action,
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
It's, I was committed to working out today. I will not go to bed until it's done. Because that is how you build confidence within yourself. People always say, I want to be more confident. How do I be more confident? Do what you say you're going to do. There's always one person watching you and it's you. So consistency is saying, listen, I was committed to making 100 calls today.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
I will not leave the office, even if it's midnight, until I make 100 calls. Consistency says, I said I was committed to posting on my Instagram today for my business, so I'm gonna figure out what I'm gonna post and I'm gonna get it done no matter what. Consistency is, I said I was committed to shooting and editing my YouTube video today.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And even though I've got no following right now and nobody cares, I'm still gonna get it done because I said I was gonna get it done. And it matters to me to show up for myself more than anything else. Because the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. If you break small commitments to yourself You'll break big ones too.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
If you're saying, oh, nobody's watching, it doesn't really matter. That's when it matters the most. Consistency is not about being perfect. It's about being disciplined enough to show up even when it's not your best day. And you have to make it a non-negotiable. Remove the mental struggle. There's no option. I got to get it done. You don't debate whether or not you should do it. You just do it.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
So it's kind of like, you know, as I say, the great Marshall Mathers, you know, the philosopher, great Marshall Mathers says, success is my only motherfucking option. Failure is not. You don't even give yourself a chance to fail because you're just not going to not do it. You know, how many times have you given up? If you really want to succeed, just stop stopping. Just keep going.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Hey, I said I was going to do it. I'm going to do it no matter what. It's not when will I get it done? It's I will get it done. And when you rewire your mind to remove the option of quitting, everything changes. And this is what I think is a big thing.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And I used to be a great person of not doing what I was supposed to do and making excuses and blaming everybody else and blaming why it wasn't my fault. But when you just rewire your mind to remove the option of quitting, there is no way to quit. There is no other option. Your entire life starts to change. Most people don't fail because they're not capable.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
They fail because they let themselves off the hook too easily, but not you. Maybe the old version of you, but the new version of you, you're not doing that anymore. And here's the thing. When you're consistent, you actually become more motivated.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And the reason why is because when you string together a few different wins in a row, you know, four or five days of wins, you look at that string and go, I don't want to break that string. I want to keep it going. And so I want to keep taking action. And so more often than not, people think I need to be motivated to take action. Like action follows motivation.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
But psychologists have found that motivation follows action. The more action you take, the more likely you are to be motivated to take more action. It's kind of like once the snowball starts going, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. Most people hope for motivation to take the action. That's not the way it works. You need to get yourself moving to take action, to get a shot at motivation.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
you will not get what you want in this world. But you're not searching for motivation. You're searching for consistency. You're searching for how can I be the person that shows up for myself, for my business, for other people every single day. Because motivation is kind of like a sugar rush, right? It gives you a quick burst of energy and then it just fades as quick as it came in.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
It's like if you've ever gone to work out and you don't feel like working out, but you're like, but I said I was gonna do it and I'm just gonna show up to the gym and you start getting your body moving and you start getting endorphins and your heart rate starts going and it starts moving and you're like, you know what? I was supposed to leave 10 minutes ago.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
I'm just gonna go for another 10 minutes and you go longer than you were planning. Why? Because the action created more motivation and action is the only thing that creates results. Think about that for a second. It's very obvious, but nobody ever really talks about it. Action is the only thing that creates results.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And when you get more and more results, you start getting more and more excited and you start getting more motivated. If you've ever lost like five pounds and you notice the scale change and you notice a little bit of a difference in the mirror, you're like, oh, wait, this is pretty good. I'm getting these results. You get more motivated. You take better action from that. So
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
If you want motivation, stop waiting for it. Move first and let motivation catch up to you. The first few reps to the gym, they feel like they're hard. The first few minutes of a run, yeah, you feel sluggish. But once you start moving, you get those endorphins, your energy builds. That's how motivation works too. Usually the hardest part is the starting. It's getting yourself to the gym.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
The hardest part is the first couple phone calls. But once you start getting that movement going, you get a couple of phone calls, you get a sale, you get more motivation. You want to keep making more phone calls. And so my biggest thing that I want to tell you, that's my biggest key, is to start small. Just pick one thing.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
And what I want you to do is I want you to challenge yourself to do it for the next 100 days no matter what. What is it? What is one thing that you could do every single day for the next 100 days? Think about it. Say it out loud to yourself if you need to. And don't do more than one thing, okay? Listen to me. Don't do more than one thing.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Most people fail because they try to change too much at once and it's a shock to the system and your subconscious fights you. No, I want you to do one thing. stack 100 days of doing that thing because success comes from stacking small wins, not from overwhelming yourself with big changes. Focus on being consistent and focus on consistency over intensity.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
Doing one small thing every single day is more powerful than doing one huge thing a week. You know, most people try to add too much too soon. They think, well, since I'm doing one thing for the next 100 days, what if I just try to do five things for the next 100 days? It ends up being too much. It's a big shock to the system. They stop doing all of them. They crash and burn.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
The goal is not to do that. The goal is not to be perfect. The goal is to build a habit. So instead of trying to change your entire life overnight, just pick one habit that will create some momentum. And then what you want to do is you want to track that thing. You want to get a calendar and check off the days when you get it done. Seeing yourself progress visually will keep you accountable.
The Mindset Mentor
Consistency is the Key to Success
If you miss a day, don't miss two days in a row. This is a really key part. You can miss one day, but don't miss two days in a row. James Clear says, if you miss two days, you're creating a new habit. So yeah, you can screw up. We all do. That's life. Don't beat yourself up over it. Make adjustments. But if you miss one day, do not miss two days in a row because momentum is everything.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
It's not about these big, massive things that change your life. It's about taking one small step And so you should just ask yourself like, what's the smallest action that I can take today to just make me feel like I'm moving forward? And then you just do it. And that little tiny shift can start to make you feel like you're starting to move forward.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
are as to why you're stuck in the first place. And that's what I really want to dive into today with you is why are you actually stuck in the first place? And once you identify that, you can get yourself out of it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
So that's what you would want to go through in step number two. Then what I think is really important that's another piece of it that is not often talked about is that a lot of times you'll be stuck in a rut because you're trying to go somewhere and do something that you've never done before, which requires you to be different.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And if you need to be different, you need to change your identity of what you think of yourself. Like you cannot be the same person you've always been and create a completely different life. And so one of the reasons I think people fall back into ruts is because they try to change their behaviors, but it doesn't line up with their self-image.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And so your brain is wired to seek this consistency between your actions and your identity. And if you see yourself as someone who is stuck or fat or lazy or unmotivated or incapable, then any change is just going to feel temporary. You're just going to go back to it. And so what you really need to do is start shifting the identity of who you think you are.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And I've had episodes in the past about identity, and I think that's really important for people to dive into. But if you feel like you want a completely different life, the thing that might be keeping you stuck is who you think you are. You can say, oh my God, I want to be rich and successful and happy.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
But if you feel like your identity is, I'm just dumb and I'm not worthy of success and I'm not worthy of happiness, well, it's going to be really hard and you're going to feel like you're spinning your wheels all the time.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And so what's really important is for you to take a step back and actually start to analyze what your identity is, what you think of yourself, because all that is, is just a perception and perceptions can be changed. And so it's a simple thing that you can do and just try to notice your negative thoughts about yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Try to notice your identity of who you think that you are and try to start taking little tiny actions that align with who you wanna be. And then what I would recommend is figure out some sort of affirmation, some sort of phrase or sentence or two sentences or three sentences of who you want to be and who you're going to be in this world and start to brainwash yourself into actually believing that.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
So today we're going to dive into why ruts really happen, what's actually keeping you stuck in place, and then we're going to talk about how to break free so that you're out of the rut and you break free in a way that lasts.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And so when you look at ruts, no matter how deep your rut feels, it's not permanent and it may feel like you're trapped, but in reality, you're just, what you're doing is you're repeating the same old patterns and patterns can be changed, which is what's great. And so the key here is to just address the deeper issue, of, okay, I am in a rut. What am I feeling? What type of rut am I in?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And now what is the best action for me to take in order to get out of it? And you don't have to overhaul your entire life overnight. You just need to intentionally take one different step today. And if you keep doing that over time, you'll notice in a couple of days, a couple of weeks, a couple of months that you're in a completely different situation than you were before.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And you're out of that rut. So That's how to get yourself out of a rut quickly. If you love this episode, please share this episode on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And then as I said earlier, if you want to download my free ebook on how to dominate your goals for this year, how to set, plan, and achieve them, you can get it for free at goals2025.com.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Once again, goals with an S, 2025.com. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
So the first thing that we need to do, the first step is we need to identify the root cause of your rut because your rut that you feel like you're stuck in can be way different than somebody else's. And so before we escape the rut and, you know, try meditating more or try going for a run before we do those types of things, the service level stuff, let's understand why you're in the rut.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Ruts don't just happen randomly. What happens is they're stemming from some deeper issues in your life, in your mind, or in your body. And so one of them can be that you have emotional burnout. You could just really be exhausted from a prolonged stress that you have in your life. Maybe you have emotional burnout from all of the responsibilities.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
It feels like you just got so many things on top of you that you're responsible for. It could also be emotional strain. All of these can make you feel really numb and feel really exhausted from it. So the first one that you can have is you can have emotional burnout. The second thing that can really be giving you a rut and putting you in one is that you have lack of purpose.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
You feel like you're just working and showing up and doing the same thing every single day, and you just feel like you're not really heading in a direction that is fulfilling to you. You're looking into the future and saying, well, that looks like it sucks. I'm not really stoked to go there, so I'd rather do nothing versus work hard to go to a place I don't want to be in the first place.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And so what happens is you just kind of go through the motions and there's no real fulfillment in your life. And there is a part of you that is deep down inside of you that is just fed up with it. And that part of you is resisting you doing this anymore. It's like, screw this. I'm not doing it anymore.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
I'm going to throw a temper tantrum deep down inside of your subconscious and you're going to feel like you're stuck. You're going to feel like you're spinning your wheel. So there's a part of you that's like, screw this. I'm not doing it anymore. And so that's the second thing is you can feel a lack of purpose.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Third thing that's very common for people is you might have some unprocessed emotions. If you have suppressed your emotions like grief or anger or sadness or disappointment, and you've just kind of pushed them under the rug and act like they don't exist, they can create this heaviness that makes you feel like you're stuck.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
It is absolutely free. Once again, goals with an S, 2025.com. Today, we're going to be talking about how to get yourself out of a rut.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And you can go on for a little while, but eventually your body's gonna get to the point where your body's screaming at you like, hey, I need you to stop because we need to process this stuff before we go any further. And so you got to stop pushing your emotions under the rug. We need to learn how to sit with our emotions. Stop acting like you don't want to feel them.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
The fourth thing that can be is it could be fear of change. Sometimes being stuck feels safer than facing uncertainty. So what our unconscious, our subconscious will do is it will make us stuck, like spinning our wheels, because it's looking into the future and saying, whoa, that's uncertain. I don't like uncertainty. I've got fears around uncertainty.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
So I'm just going to make sure that he or she just continues to keep spinning their wheels so they don't go out of their comfort zone. And so your mind might be resisting change even if your conscious mind is like, we need to do something different. Your subconscious is like, no, no, no. It's scary out there. I don't want to get out of this comfort zone.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And so you might be unconsciously making yourself stuck so that you don't actually face your fears. And then the fourth way that I broke down that you can cause yourself to be in a rut is just straight up overwhelm. You've got too much on your plate. You have too many choices or too many obligations or too many priorities or too many things that are on your to-do list.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And it can lead to this paralysis analysis. And with all of these things, you're focusing on trying to get all of them done at one time. And your brain is not wired to think about doing 40 things at one time. So your brain's like, we need to shut it down.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Feeling stuck is one of the most frustrating experiences that you can have in life where you're putting in effort and you're just trying your hardest, but it feels like your wheels are just spinning and you're not actually moving forward and you're not making any real progress in life. And ruts can be many different things. It's not just about...
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And so usually this feeling of a rut in some sort of way is your brain or body, or it can actually be sometimes both your brain and your body, giving you a signal of, hey, what you're doing is not working. So we're just going to shut it down. And then your conscious mind is like, well, why am I not taking action towards what it is that I want?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And your body's like screaming at you like, dude, will you just freaking listen to me? I'm trying to give you a message. This isn't working. Shut it down. And so each of these have a different solution, which is why you just can't throw some surface level like workout more on top of being in a rut.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And that's why this generic self-development advice fails or motivational speaker advice fails is because it doesn't target your specific problem, right? That's one of my biggest gripes with motivation or self-development is like, you can do it. Go ahead. I believe in you. And it's like, no, dude, that's not dealing with the root problem here. And so you should take a step back.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And think about the stuff that I just kind of said. And if you feel like you're in a rut, is ask yourself, what was happening in my life when I started feeling this way? Like what was going on in my life when I started feeling like I was spinning my wheels? Like I started feeling like I wasn't going. I started feeling a little bit more heaviness.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Also, you should ask yourself, is there something that I'm avoiding or maybe something that I'm suppressing? And then also, am I stuck because I don't know what to do? Or am I stuck because I'm afraid to do it? And if you ask yourself those three questions, you might be able to find, you should be able to find what the actual root cause of your being in a rut is.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And once you identify the root cause, then you can choose the right strategy to move forward. And so that brings us to step number two. Now that we've identified it, step number two is to break this cycle of stagnation.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
When we're in a rut, what's interesting is that what we tend to do when we're in a rut is we repeat the same thoughts, which makes us repeat the same actions, and then we repeat the same routines, and then we get the same results we've always got. And so this reinforces this feeling of being stuck.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And so you're just really more than anything else, if you just continue to keep doing the same stuff, you're just digging your hole deeper. And so the key to breaking free is to interrupt this cycle in some sort of way. And this requires you to become more aware of the cycle itself. And so here's how you have to deal with it in the different ways, depending on what it is that you're going through.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
If you're the person who feels like, you know what? Maybe I am actually burnt out. And you feel like burnt out is actually what's causing you to be in a rut right now or feel like you're in a rut is you need to prioritize deep rest. Your body is basically like, dude, just give me a couple days to catch up. Most people try to push through burnout with more effort. I've done this before.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
promise you, doesn't work. It only deepens the rut. You can't just push through the rut. You've got to take a step back. And so instead, what you need to do is you need to give yourself some permission to rest in a way that actually restores you. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
trying to be more successful and you're not becoming more successful. Ruts can feel, and they can be emotional, they can be mental, they can be even physical ruts that you can get stuck in as well. And when you're in one, one of the hard parts about being in a rut is it feels like you're going to be in it forever. And one of my gripes about
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Now, if you would have gone back to Rob 10 years ago, I would have been like, no, I'm not where I want to be yet in life. So therefore, I don't deserve rest. But I would think that rest was unproductive. But in turn, I would have needed rest in order to be more productive in the times that I am actually working and getting stuff done. And when I say rest, I don't mean like sleep.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Like sleep is good. You should definitely get it. You should make sure you're getting your seven to eight hours a night, whatever it is that you feel like you need. But sleep alone is not enough. Your mind needs mental rest.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Your mind needs to get away from all of the screens, all of your TV, your phone, your computer, the email, the text messages, your social obligations, all of your decision making. Like even if you just disappear from the world for an hour, it'll be ready for you when you come back, I promise you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
So you can take an hour off, do some breath work, do some deep breathing, maybe do some meditation, maybe even take a nap. Wouldn't that be nice? Or what you could do if you feel like you need longer is why don't you just take a weekend off and do nothing? just hang out around the house if you want to. Don't watch Netflix the entire time.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Or if you have the means to be able to do so, I would recommend that you just rent an Airbnb that's out in the country, an hour outside of town where you live, and just turn your phone off. And you can either go by yourself or take your spouse, and the two of you can focus on connecting deeply. And then... you start to feel a little bit better.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
See, what you really need in this deep rest is this feeling of like that, this feeling of like a deep sigh out. And I want you to think about that, like what would make you feel That's the thing that you need to go for. How can you give yourself some sort of hard reset? And so take a weekend, take a full day to do nothing that's quote unquote productive.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
No self-improvement, don't read a book, no work, no to-do list, just rest up. Do whatever feels right. Go on a hike, hang out in nature, do some meditation, breath work, whatever it is that you want just to kind of rest a little bit. So that's the first thing if you feel like you're just, you just got so much that you're just burnt out.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. If you're out there and you're not doing as well on your goals for this year as you wanted to, you can go ahead and download my free ebook on how to set, plan, and master your goals. Just go to goals2025.com.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
The second thing is if you feel like you lack purpose, I want you to figure out a way to reconnect with what feels right to you. When we feel stuck, it often feels like empty and it feels directionless. And so if you're just going through the motions without some deeper sense of meaning or fulfillment or what you're trying to get out of your life, it is really hard to get excited about stuff.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
It's really hard to get excited to go do something that you don't want to do. Like I always tell people, so many people struggle to like, oh my gosh, running a business and starting a business is so much energy. I'm like, you know what requires more energy? To get yourself up every day for the next 20 years and drive to a job that you hate and stay there all day long.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Like that requires so much more energy than doing something that you wanna do. And so if you're in a rut, you might just be tired of doing something that doesn't fulfill you. And so you can't just deal with this unfulfilling life anymore. And if this feels like you, You feel like that's the thing I would recommend versus me diving into it today and wasting time on it. I have entire episodes.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
normal self-development is most people will be like, oh, you're in a rut. Well, the way that you want to get out of a rut is to try something new and to change your routine and just get more exercise or do a morning routine or drink more water. And those are all fine and stuff, but they're incredibly surface level. And they don't really address what the deeper reasons are
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
You can go back and listen to multiple on them on how to find your purpose. So I'd recommend just go back, scroll back, or go into Spotify or Apple Podcasts, type in Rob Dial or Mindset Mentor Purpose, and there's episodes you can listen to there. So that's the second thing. The third thing is you might have unprocessed emotions. And so you need to create some space so you can feel it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Many ruts are caused by emotions that haven't just been fully acknowledged and they've been suppressed versus expressed. So we suppress feelings we don't want to feel. We try to numb them. We suppress sadness. We suppress frustration, disappointment, sadness, thinking that we're moving on, but the emotions, they still linger beneath the surface.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And if you do it over and over and over again, it's really going to start to weigh you down. This is the thing that I didn't realize when I was younger. But now that I'm approaching 40, I think I've lived enough life to understand is if you just act like the emotions aren't there, if you don't process those emotions, they don't leave you. It's not like time just makes them disappear.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And it's sad the amount of times that I've seen someone or they've said to me in some sort of way, and I see someone who's needing to grieve, and they say something like, well, I just need to keep busy so I don't think about it. I'm like, it ain't going away. It's gonna linger for a really long time unless you process it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
So if you feel stuck, maybe ask yourself, is there something that I haven't allowed myself to fully feel? And then put all of your thoughts, all of your emotions, all of your feelings onto a piece of paper. Just put it all out there so you can see it on a piece of paper. If you're afraid of somebody finding it, you can rip it up. You can burn it after. You can throw it away.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
Just get all of it out. And sometimes movement, like running or dancing or kickboxing or punching a pillow, can help release these emotions that are trapped inside of your body as well. And so... If you need someone to give it to you, I give you full permission to go through an adult temper tantrum if you need to in a safe space, obviously alone or with someone who is there to support you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And so you can process all of your emotions by yourself or with somebody else. You can take a pillow and you can beat your bed with it so you can hit the bed over and over and over again and just scream and cry, whatever it is. But. you know, try it out. If nothing else, just give yourself 15 minutes to just sit and be with your feelings without your phone, without TV, without distractions.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And just let whatever emotions are there that come up and bubble to the surface come up. You don't have to solve anything. You don't have to have to do anything special. You just need to acknowledge and give yourself some space. And sometimes just this 15 minutes can make you feel so much better. So that's the third one.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
If fear of change is holding you back, then what you wanna do is you wanna figure out the way to take the smallest step. If fear of change is keeping you trapped in your rut because change feels like it's very overwhelming, our brains, really interestingly, and I always think about this, prefer familiar discomfort over unfamiliar uncertainty.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
So you can be familiar and you can hate the position that you're in, But you would prefer that because you've been there before and it's familiar over unfamiliar uncertainty. And the reason why is because uncertainty is a threat to the brain. If there's uncertainty, your brain knows it cannot predict how to stay safe.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
And so the solution I think for you, if you're one of the people who's just afraid of change, just lower the pressure. Instead of going, oh my God, I'm going to make this huge life change. I'm going to... lose 75 pounds and I'm going to do this and I'm going to move to a different city. Just take a tiny little step that feels safe.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Quickly Get Out of a Rut
So if you're stuck at a boring job, update one part of your resume. If you feel like you're socially isolated and you're just isolating yourself and you're afraid to get out of your comfort zone, just text one person that you trust. Do a FaceTime with them. Call them up. Ask them to go get coffee. If you're struggling with self-doubt, just do one small thing that challenges your negative beliefs.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
It dictates what you believe is true, what you love, what you hate, the language that you speak.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
If you believe in yourself or if you don't believe in yourself, if you are going to be rich or successful or if you're going to be poor forever, if you keep failing at relationships or if you're going to have a successful relationship, it literally dictates everything that you do, everything that you think, everything that you feel.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Your paradigm around yourself is going to make you take actions or not take actions. Your paradigm around your relationships is going to make you take certain actions or not take certain actions. Your paradigm around money is going to make you take certain actions or not take certain actions. What your parents said about money. Oh, if your parents were like, money's the root of all evil.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
You have to screw people over. Only evil people make money. If your parents say that, you can consciously, 5% of your mind, want to make money. But 95% of you is like, but I don't want to screw people over. I'm not a bad person. I don't want to be evil. Money's the root of all evil. I don't want to do that. And your paradigm is in control of the frequency that you send out into the world.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
It sends it out because it's 95%. It's in that subconscious. It's constantly just vibrating at this speed. And so when I say frequency sent out into the world, think of it this way. It's like a radio station, right? If I'm tuned into 98.7 FM, then that is the station I'm going to get. If I am tuned into 98.7 FM, I'm not going to get any AM stations, right?
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Whatever station I'm tuned into, that is what I'm going to be hearing. That is what I'm going to get. If I have a poverty mindset, and this is the thing I worked on hardcore in myself, because I wasn't raised with any money. We didn't have any money. You know, my mom had to apply for food stamps and the government wouldn't give her food stamps because she owned a car. I don't know why.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
That's some crazy shit. But if I have a poverty mindset, if I'm tuned into a poverty station, that's what I'm sending out to the world. That's what I will receive. I won't notice the people, places, opportunities that can come into my life and possibly change the situation of me being into poverty. Somebody could come to me and have the best opportunity ever but it just won't resonate.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And why won't it resonate? Because it doesn't feel right. Because it doesn't line up with what I think of myself and what I think of success and what I think of the world. So we need to think about what am I tuned into the most? What station am I tuned into? The difference between myself and my desk is I can change my frequency.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
I can have, if I think about the frequency that I'm tuned into with my relationships, let's say that your mom talked terrible about your dad and about men after divorce. And she keeps saying, oh, well, yeah, well, men are such jerks and they always screw you over and you can't trust them. Well, then if that's in my subconscious and that's what I'm sending out, the frequency that I'm sending out,
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
You ever notice how sometimes, maybe it's you, maybe it's your friends, they just keep getting into relationships with bad people, and it's like the same person every single time, but just a different face? Well, because they're attracting those people based off of the frequency they're sending out.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
So if they think all of the stuff that the mom programmed into them, you can't trust men, they screw you over, all of this, well, guess what? You're going to attract men into your life that screw you over, that cheat, whatever. Even if you want a really good partner,
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
When a really good partner comes into my life, if that is my paradigm and my thought of the world, and that's the frequency that I'm sending out, when a potential good partner comes into my life, I will not feel aligned with them because they don't match everything that I've seen before in the past, and they don't match my paradigm of relationships that was programmed into my life at childhood.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And so what do you truly think about wealth? What do you think about relationships? What do you think about yourself? What do you think about success? All of this is why you can consciously want to make money but not actually be making it. This is why you can consciously want a really good relationship but you just can't seem to find the right person or you're not attracted to the right person.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
because they don't trigger your trauma like you're used to in the past. You can consciously want to create a business and work really hard, but then keep self-sabotaging all of the time. And so you've got to think to yourself, what station are you tuned into? If I want something in my life, am I tuned into that station?
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Whatever you believe is going to happen is probably what's going to happen. Whatever you think at your core about yourself is what you are going to manifest about yourself and about the world. When you look at the law of attraction, let me make it as simple as possible for you. You have to basically brainwash all 40 trillion of your cells
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And so then what you do is you take that law of attraction, you start thinking about all of this. And the biggest piece that's left out for a lot of people, and the thing that I don't like about The Secret is that it acts like if you want to have the best relationship in the world, you just sit there and you just meditate the person into your life.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And then that person is just going to come knocking at your door. No, you literally have to get up after thinking about this and go work on yourself and go work to find that person. After working on your programming, after diving into your paradigm, you have to get off your ass and take action. So the law of attraction needs the law of action. The man of your dreams, the woman of your dreams,
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
They're not going to come knocking at your door while you're meditating. The money that you want, it's not just going to fly into your bank account. You've got to do something. You have to get out into the world and actually put yourself out there to meet the right people, to find the right opportunities, to take the right actions.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And you have to program as you're doing the action, program your head, your heart, your body, all of that into going in the same direction of what it is that you want. So when you look at the law of attraction, if you want something in your life, you need to be tuned into that thing. If you want something in your life, you need to be tuned into that station.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And then you need to get up and actually do it. And when you talk about tuning into the right station, it's because what you think about will be stored in your subconscious. Your subconscious will change your vibration and your vibration will dictate what you attract into your life and what you resonate with and what you don't resonate with.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And so you've got to brainwash yourself, all 40 trillion of yourselves, and then you got to get off your butt and you've got to actually go get it. So that is a law of attraction. That's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it already. I would appreciate it. It's Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
to believe that what you want, you will get, and there is no other option. No other option can exist. If there is a tinge of doubt, it is less likely to happen. And so if you think about something and you know that will happen at your core with all 40 trillion of yourselves, then eventually it will happen. Now I will say this, it probably will not happen as fast as you want it to,
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you want to get some inspirational text messages from me, some tips and tricks on your mindset, and you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, we're gonna be talking about the law of attraction.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
but it will happen. Now, what happens with most people is they go, okay, I'm gonna use the law of attraction. I'm gonna believe, I'm gonna try to manifest all of this stuff. And then it doesn't happen as fast as they want. They're like, oh, it probably was a bunch of BS.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Well, they just completely took themselves off by even letting a little bit of doubt come in when I said all 40 trillion of yourselves have to be on board. Now, you have to think of it this way. You have around 40 trillion cells in your body right now. You have to get all 40 trillion of those cells to go towards the direction of that one thing that you want.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And the way that you control your 40 trillion cells is through your central voice, which is your thoughts, what you think, what you believe, what you say to yourself. Basically, you can understand this. You will attract into your life what you think about the most. Which is why a minute ago I just said most people attract what they don't want.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Because most people are not focusing on what they want. They're focusing on what they don't want. And then they get mad that they can't stop getting what they don't want. It's like, well, that's what you're focusing on. Whatever you focus on, you will receive.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Let me give you an example from my life, and I've told this story years ago, but I remember when I first moved to Austin, I had saved up a bunch of money, and it was back in 2012. I saved up a bunch of money, and I went and traveled Europe for three months, moved to Austin. I was here for about four or five months trying to find a job back then.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And I remember I was getting kind of close to running out of money. And I had a conversation with my mom and she's like, did you find a job yet? How's everything going? My mom and I are very open about money and talking about this type of stuff. And I was like, no, I haven't found a job yet. And she's like, well, how much money do you have left?
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And I was like, probably about like two months worth of money. And she goes, well, aren't you worried? And I was like, no. And she goes, why are you not worried? And I go, because if I worry, then I won't get what I want. I am focusing on what I want, which is to get a job, to stay here and to live in Austin, Texas, so I don't have to move back to Florida.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And I was like, if I focus on anything else other than that, I'm less likely to get it. I know that somehow something's going to happen and I'm going to be able to stay. And if I worry, that's just getting in the way of what I'm focusing on, which is what I want and what I'm going to create. And my mom did the thing and she's like, oh, okay, whatever.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And then about two days later, I got a call from the company that I worked for the previous year. And it was the HR lady. True story. And I promise you this. If it didn't happen to me in my life, I would not believe this story. It's about two days, three days after I eat off the conversation with my mom, talking to her on the phone, like I was just telling you. And she goes, hey, is this Robin?
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
I was like, yeah. She's like, hey, it's Nancy. And over at HR, how's everything good? Everything's good. Whatever. We catch up. She goes, hey, I got something to tell you. Are you driving right now? And I was like, yeah. She goes, can you pull over real quick? I was like, sure. She goes, yeah. So it seems like we made an accounting mistake last year when you worked for us.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And we ended up paying you less than we were supposed to. And so we actually owe you some money. And I was like, okay, cool. How much do you owe me? She goes about $23,000. I was like, what the hell? Okay. She goes, I just, do you have the same bank account that you did last year? I can wire it over to you today. I was like, yes. So I called my mom and I'm like, hey, guess what just happened?
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
We're gonna talk about what it is, how to use it, and how to actually attract everything that you want in your life. Now, before I dive in, I understand this might seem a little bit weird and woo-woo-y, and some of you guys that are analytical are like, that shit doesn't make any sense. And I completely understand that because I'm a very logical, analytical person as well.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And I tell her the story and she's like, no freaking way. My mom says what she always says. She goes, you always get what you want. And I said, I know I always get what I want, mom, because what I don't want cannot exist in my mind. And that is a good example of the law of attraction. But most of us, what do we do? We worry about our lives.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And worry blocks the law of attraction because it's keeping your mind focused on what you don't want versus being focused on what you do want. When you worry, you are reinforcing what it is that you don't want. And what you focus on, you will get. And you will attract more attention. of the very things that you want to avoid.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And so maybe you've seen the movie The Secret, maybe you've read the book The Secret. This is what kind of brought hardcore The Law of Attraction into the world. It's a great movie, it's a great book, all that stuff, but I think it leaves a lot out. The way I see The Secret is it seems to be kind of like, okay, I'm gonna sit down I'm going to figure out what I wanted in my life.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And I'm going to sit there and I'm going to think about it all day long. And I'm going to send brainwaves out into the universe. And, you know, my brainwaves are going to touch Pluto and it's going to go out through the entire universe. And I'm going to wake up tomorrow and there should be a million dollars in my bank account. And it's like, that's just not really how it works.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
I think that yes, what it says, all of that is a part of it, but I think it's missing a lot. There's no real explanation of how it works. And it makes it a lot easier to believe in something when you actually understand how it works.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
You can't just sit there and meditate for the rest of your life and meditate a million dollars into your bank account without getting up and actually doing something, right? And so the biggest part is it leaves the part of action out of it. You got to do something. The last six letters of attraction are action. When we talk about this, I want you to realize like this is not something new.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Like the law of attraction wasn't just created by a bunch of hippies in the 60s or 70s. So many religions and spiritual texts and theologies have spoken about this for thousands of years. You know, and I'll give you a few different ones. If you look at the Bible, the Bible says, as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
It also says, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours. When you look at Hinduism, they say you become that which you believe yourself to be in the Bhagavad Gita. When you look at Buddhism, Buddha says, what you dwell upon, you become. When you look at Rumi, he says, what you seek is seeking you.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
All of it comes down to you, your thoughts, your beliefs, and your focus. The universe responds to your vibration, not your words. When we talk about vibration, it can be like, oh, hey, change your vibration. Oh, you're a low vibration. You're a high vibration. But vibration basically means this. Our bodies are molecular structures that are vibrating at an incredible speed at all times.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
You can look at my hand, and my hand seems like it's a solid object. But if you were to be able to take my hand and realize when you put it under a microscope, it's not solid, it's actually vibrating. If you were to be able to look at my hand Through a microscope, you'd be able to see all of the trillions of cells in my body, all of them moving at an incredible rate, nothing staying still.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
But as I go through this, you're going to see what I mean by how the law of attraction works and how what you think about you will actually receive in your life. So whether you happen to be a spiritual person and you're on the woo-woo spectrum, you're very woo-woo-y. Or you're on the complete opposite side and you're like, I don't believe in any of that stuff.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
So everything in our physical reality is a vibrating structure. This desk that is right in front of me, this podcasting microphone that I'm speaking into, the camera that I'm recording this on, my computer, it's all vibration. My words that you're hearing, vibration. If you're seeing this on the TV screen, it's vibrating. The actual light's coming into your eyes. What is that? It's all vibration.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And so the difference, though, between my body and my desk that's right here in front of me is that my desk is at a constant speed, one constant vibration. My body changes depending on my thoughts and my feelings. And this isn't just like, hey, whenever you change your thoughts, your vibration changes, man. Neuroscience actually has proven this, that your thoughts affect your physical body.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Your thoughts and emotions trigger chemical changes that affect your body's vibrational state. And so when someone says like, oh... They're in a low vibration, quote unquote, low vibration. Well, if you have a negative thought that makes you feel bad, your body's response is it will have a stress response. It will release stuff like cortisol, which is a chemical that's inside of your body.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And that is, quote unquote, lower vibration. If you think of something positive and people that you love and gratitude and those types of emotions, it's a relaxation response. It releases serotonin. It releases dopamine, which would be a quote-unquote higher vibration.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And Dr. Candice Pert, who wrote a book called Molecules of Emotion, demonstrated this and demonstrated that emotions create biochemical changes that impact your cell receptors and the energy fields. quote unquote, in your head. They create real and measurable changes in your body's biochemistry and in your energy field around you. Then you might say, energy field?
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Well, that's kind of weird, right? Well, you can think of it that way, but just because you have a thought and emotion doesn't mean that those things stay inside of your physical body. They actually leave your skin. And so I'll give you a good example.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
There's a machine called an EEG machine, which is where you can hook electrodes up to your, you know, different parts of your head, and it sticks onto your head and sticks onto your forehead, and it measures your brain's waves. There's also a machine that's called an MEG machine, which goes over your head. It looks like a dome. It never actually touches your skull.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And it does the exact same thing as an EEG machine. So it never touches your head, but it still measures your brainwaves, which means that the vibration of your brainwaves actually don't stay inside of your physical body. They go outside of your skin. And I'll give you an example. Have you ever walked up to somebody? You just kind of have this bad feeling about this person.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
You're not really sure, but for some reason, something's just not right about them. Well, that is your body's vibration picking up on their body's vibration when you're coming in contact with them. And for some reason, there's just not alignment in some sort of way. When your waves and their waves, their vibration, do not match, it is something that's called destructive interference.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
You can Google it if you wanna dive deeper into it. It just doesn't feel right. And the actual waves are causing destructive interference. But have you ever met somebody before and you don't know why, but you just like feel like you've known them forever? You just connect with them. You get an incredible feeling just being around them. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
I'm very analytical and I need science to prove it to me. No matter what side of the spectrum that you're on, this is going to make sense to you no matter which person you are. And I'm going to teach you how to use the law of attraction to get what you want and create the life that you want. And so when you look at the law of attraction, how does it actually work? Well, I'll tell you this.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
That is your body and their body, their fields coming together and actually heightening each other's vibration, which is called constructive interference, where the waves that you're creating actually tend to double if they vibrate at the same rate. And this is where the phrase good vibes comes from and bad vibes come from.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
You can tell whether something's right or wrong for you based off of just how you feel. And so now to understand how the law of attraction works, you must understand two things, okay? First thing is your conscious mind. And the second thing is your subconscious mind. If you've been listening to podcasts for a while, you've heard me talk about these two things.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
But your conscious mind is the mind in which you think. Your conscious mind is only about 5% of your thoughts throughout the day. It's the tip of the iceberg. And you can only hold one thought at a time in your conscious mind. And so you thinking to yourself, oh, I think I know what my conscious mind is. That thought is your conscious mind talking. Now below that...
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Under the conscious mind, subconscious mind, that's like your mind's filing cabinet. It doesn't know what's true and false. Whatever happens, whatever you say, whatever you think about yourself, just stores it away, files it all away as true. It takes all the information, stores it away as if it's all true.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
So if you say, I'm stupid, I'm dumb, I'm not smart, I'll be poor forever, nobody loves me, your subconscious goes, okay, file it away, must be true. It's not sitting there thinking logically. But the thing about your subconscious mind is it's about 95% of your thoughts, your feelings, and the way that you see the world. It's the most important one because it is the lower part of the iceberg.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
It's not the tip. It's the huge part that's under the water. And so this is why you can consciously want to be successful, consciously want to make a lot of money, consciously want a better relationship, but you just keep self-sabotaging is because your 5% of your mind, your conscious mind wants it You're 95%. It doesn't line up. And so your subconscious mind actually creates your reality.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
Your subconscious mind takes everything that you say, automatically stores it away as true. So if you talk negatively to yourself, say, oh my gosh, I'm so stupid, then it automatically just stores it away as true. Now it's going to be your, and it's going to sound kind of weird, but you're basically vibrating at stupid is what you're doing. If you think, oh, I'll never attract the right man. Well,
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
guess what vibes you're putting out into the world. If you think, oh, all guys are players, guess what vibrations you're putting out into the world. Those thoughts will store into your subconscious and just go in as true. There's no, hey, should I filter this out or not? No, it just stores it away. So then what happens is you will then take actions that line up with your subconscious beliefs.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
And if you believe something long enough, it creates this thing that's called a paradigm. And your paradigm controls your entire world. After years and years and years of repetition of the same thoughts being stored away in your conscious and your subconscious, you will develop a paradigm. A paradigm is basically what you actually believe is true. Like it will be hard to change your paradigm.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
I've been using the law of attraction now for about 17 years. And I can tell you this. No matter what your stance is on the law of attraction, it works. The only problem is that most people are unconsciously attracting what they don't want into their lives. And so on a basic sense, the law of attraction just basically says this. You attract into your life whatever you focus on the most.
The Mindset Mentor
How the Law of Attraction REALLY WORKS! (Achieve Anything You Want)
It's possible, 100% possible. But it's hard to because you right now think that it's true. You might think that you're dumb or you're not lovable, you're not smart enough or... You know, money's the root of all evil. You have to screw people over, whatever it might be. But your paradigm dictates everything that happens in your life.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
And you challenge it because you want to find holes in the ego, in the perspective that you have. Because if you do, once again, the house of cards comes crumbling down. I want you to get better at challenging yourself and calling yourself out on your own bullshit. If you can start doing that, well, that is how you start working through the ego.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
And so the ego will pull out all of the stops to trick you so that you don't take action. All of the fears, the limiting beliefs, the doubts, the excuses, everything so that you stay in the exact same place. And it lays out all of these psychological and emotional booby traps that you just call being realistic.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Because the ego creates this false narrative that if you're just unconsciously living your life, you're not paying attention to it. But if you're the type of person who's listening to this podcast and says, I want to be better, you need to find and identify what that ego trap is that is causing you to procrastinate and not take action towards the dreams that you want to create.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
And then challenge those egoic narratives in the future and say, what is it? Is it possible? Is it possible that I could be successful? Is it possible that I could be good enough? Is it possible that maybe I don't have all the knowledge yet, but I'm not an imposter and I could get better? As you start challenging it, you start seeing the holes in it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
As you start seeing the holes in it, you start to see, all right, I think I actually can take action towards this thing. And you develop a new narrative, a new story around what is it you're trying to do. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor. Share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
When you guys share this, this podcast grows. And so if you've ever gotten any value from anything we've ever put out, I would greatly, greatly appreciate if you would share it. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
But in turn, what happens is you don't take the action that you've wanted to take and you're in the exact same place. Have you ever done that before? That you wanted to take action towards something in your life and then for some reason you held yourself back? If that's the case, it was 100% your ego doing it. It created what I call a trap door. Boom, it got you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
So instead of taking action, it creates this fear or limiting belief or story that keeps you too busy thinking about that and too afraid of what could possibly come down the road so you don't take any action or you just completely give up on your dreams because of some fear that could possibly be happening later on down the road. It's a trap door.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
And the thing that you have to realize about your brain is your subconscious is usually about 15 steps ahead of you. So you're thinking to yourself like, I want to build my business. And then you're like, but I'm so terrified of fear. And what if this happens, this happens, this happens, this happens, this happens. Oh my God, that seems so bad. I don't want to take any action.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Your ego is the thing that's holding all of that back. And so when you look at the ego, what is the ego really? I want you to understand this because people always say stuff like ego is the enemy and ego is the problem. I want you to understand this. Your ego is not evil. It's not trying to destroy you. It's not trying to make your life terrible. It's just simply trying to protect you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Its job is to protect your identity. even if that identity is stuck, broke, insecure, unlovable. Because identity that we have built of ourselves is such a frail construct in everyone's mind that anything outside of what you think of yourself means that you're going to have to change the way that you think of yourself. And so your ego doesn't want that to happen.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
And so, you know, it doesn't want to have to change, even if you've always seen yourself as not enough. Well, guess what? Your ego will defend that story of not enough to the death. Not smart enough, not good enough, not pretty enough, never going to succeed, unlovable. What if I fail? What if I run out of money? What if my wife leaves me? All of those things.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Your ego will defend your crappy story to the death. Because if you change, your ego has to let go of staying the same. And so it traps you. Boom. Gotcha. With fear, with doubt, with really convincing internal arguments. And then you don't even notice all of this happening. You just sit and you're like, I don't know why I'm procrastinating. I don't know why I'm not taking action.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
I don't know why I'm not doing the things that I want to do.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
well because your subconscious is 15 steps ahead of you so i'll give you a couple of examples right the traps that will kind of pop up in front of you let's say that you want to start a business you feel that excitement you feel that spark you feel the the inspiration that pull towards trying to do something new and exciting towards making yourself better making your life better and then boom
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Fear swoops in with a PowerPoint presentation on your financial doom and how you're going to fail and how you're going to be a loser. And then what pops up in your head? Man, well, it would be really cool to run a business, but what if I run out of money? Trapdoor. But what if I put two years into running this and it fails anyways? Trapdoor. All the time, all the money, all the energy wasted.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
You know, it's better to do nothing and be in the exact same place than to work your ass off and fail and then be in the exact same place. Boom, trap door. Do you see how it does this? It's, you have this, I always say the inspiration, I've heard this quote before and I love it, is inspiration whispers and your fears will scream at you.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
You've never given us a rating review, please do so. I would greatly appreciate it. Today, we're gonna be talking about how to stop procrastinating and finally take action. I'm gonna be talking to you about traps that your ego creates that you probably don't even realize that it's doing that keeps you self-sabotaging. And I wanna start with the bold truth.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
So you have this feeling of, I want to grow a business to be so amazing. Oh my gosh, my life could be so great. But what if I run out of money? Fear. What if I put two years into it and end up running out of money and business fails and all of this wasted energy? So it starts to scream at you and you forget about the reason why you wanted to start it in the first place.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Here's the ego's game, okay? It drags your attention into a future that hasn't happened yet, but it is never good. You failing, you running out of money, you embarrassing yourself, you looking like an idiot, and it freezes you into inaction now. Why? So that you don't change and so that nothing changes. Why? Because if nothing changes, the ego gets to stay the same. It gets to feel safe.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
It gets to feel right. So that's why you self-sabotage. What's another example? Um... The trap of, I'm not ready yet. Oh, you know, now's not the right time. I'm not qualified. Maybe I need to get some certifications for doing this thing. Oh, you know what? I'm just so busy recently. Maybe I'll look at this next quarter. Oh, maybe when the kids get older.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
This one's real subtle because it sounds wise. Oh my God, look at you. You're being so responsible planning ahead, right? But what it really is, is the ego reinforcing the belief that you're not allowed to begin some imaginary, until some imaginary perfect moment comes up. You can't start yet. You're not good enough yet. You don't have enough time yet. You've got to wait for this perfect moment.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Boom. Trapdoor. Gotcha. You're stuck again. It got you. It's 15 steps ahead of you. And so what does it do? Inaction. Inaction. Inaction. You're running. Oh my God, I've got this inspiration. I want to do this thing. Fall on the trapdoor. You don't go anywhere. So. The moment when you're quote unquote ready is the moment when you start, not the other way around.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
It's not that you wait for this perfect moment. It's that you start and that is the perfect moment because then you start figuring things out. Think about it. How do you get qualified for something? You start working on it. How do you get experience? You take action. When's the best time to plant a tree? 20 years ago. When's the second best time? Right now.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
So when's the best time for you to start something that's going to take time? right now. Like it makes so much sense when you actually break it down, doesn't it? So you have to stop waiting. You have to stop delaying. It's like people who are like, oh, well, you know what? I need to, I need to work on myself more. I need to get more qualifications. I need to go to more conferences.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
I need to read more books. It's like the way the example I always give is if you want to become a really good basketball player, you will never become a good basketball player by watching other people play basketball. Oh, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to watch every NBA game and then maybe I'll get better. No, get your ass on the court. That's the only way to do it.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
So if you need to build up a skill set, it's not about reading. It's about actually doing the thing. And the faster that you start doing the thing, the faster that you become better at it. So stop waiting and stop delaying. You want a cold hard truth? Each day that passes is one day closer to death. Are you getting any better? You don't become something great by waiting.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Nobody ever just became great or did something amazing in this world by waiting for the perfect moment. And I want you to understand this and I want you to hopefully it really hits home, okay? Time is a construct that humans create as an excuse to stay the same. Think about that for a second. Time is a construct that humans create as an excuse to stay the same. What do I mean by that?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Your ego is the thing that is holding you back the most. And we're gonna talk about what the ego is if you don't know exactly what that is. But your ego, it's not your job to help. It's not its job to help you grow. Its job more than anything else is to prove itself right, to keep you the same. And that means that it has to keep you in the exact same place. It doesn't want you to get better.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Well, you know, when you really zoom out and we can go really kind of wild here and say time doesn't exist. It's just, you know, the earth is spinning and, you know, it's just the sun going up and down is really just the... The sun's going, just us spinning around the sun. And each time the sun goes up, it's just a spin.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
And each time the, you know, the seasons go around and we have a new season and we have four seasons that go by, it's just the earth that's going around the sun. So it's this construct that we create though of like, I throw time in the mix and I start to blame time for the reason why I'm not where I want to be yet. I'll give it some time. I'll start in the future. Oh, I'm progressing.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
I'm slowly getting better. It's like, no, I don't want to use time as an excuse anymore. I need to go, I'm only going to get better by doing the thing, so I might as well start doing the thing. The best version of you doesn't just happen on some random day in the future. It's built every second that you're alive.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
So whatever skill set, whatever knowledge you need to learn to make yourself better or more valuable in the market needs to be learned now, not sometime when you have quote unquote time. That's a trap door. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. What's another trap door? The imposter syndrome. Oh, who do you think you are?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
It's your ego's favorite little line when you want to do something amazing. This imposter syndrome. This popped up for me and I've said this before many times in the podcast. When I first had the idea to start the podcast in January of 2015, I thought to myself, like, you're 29 years old. Who's going to listen to you?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Like, why would they listen to you and not, they could just listen to Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins had been in self-development longer than I had been alive. Nobody's going to listen to you. Some 29-year-old kid? That's stupid. Boom, trap door. So what happened? I didn't start the podcast. I had the idea in January of 2015. I didn't actually launch my first episode until August of 2015. Why?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Because I kept trapping myself until I became aware of it. And we do this all the time with the imposter syndrome. But here's the twist around it. This whole imposter syndrome is not the truth, it's self-preservation. Your ego is scared that if you succeed, it will have to change its entire story about who you are. Once again, your ego does not want to have to change. It does not want to be wrong.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Because if it were wrong, it must be destroyed. It would rather have you be predictably miserable than unpredictably successful. And so what does it do? You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're not ready. No one's going to listen to you. Who do you think you are to become XYZ? Boom, trap door. Got you again. And you've got to start becoming aware of these things. What's another one?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
One of my favorite ones? Identity. Oh, it's just the way I am. which that translation, I'm just unwilling to change. Boom, trap door, I got you. Oh, yeah, it's just the way I am. I can't do this. I don't think I'm ever gonna really improve at that thing.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
welcome to today's episode of the mindset mentor podcast i'm your host rob dial if you have not yet done so hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode and if you're out there and you love this podcast please do me a favor give us a rating and review however you listen to us the reason why is because those platforms like spotify and apple podcasts more positive ratings and reviews that we get the more they actually show this podcast to people who've never listened to it before which allows us to grow and impact more people's lives so if you've been listening for a while
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Your ego loves the identity, even if that identity is stressed and angry and insecure, because if you stay the same, the ego feels safe because it doesn't have to change. But real growth means saying, this is who I've been in the past, But I'm not going to stay that person. I'm going to change. I'm going to evolve. Like, think about that. How boring would that be to be the exact same person?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Not even boring. How disappointing would it be to be the exact same person 12 months from today? That's not what I want. And so if you're thinking to yourself, oh, it's just the way that I am, it's just the ego trapping you to stay exactly how you are. That's a fixed mindset. I want a growth mindset. I want to think to myself, I'm constantly evolving every single second.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
It doesn't want you to get wiser. It doesn't want you to get richer. It just wants you to be better. safe. The ego wants to keep you in the exact same place because the exact same place that you're in right now unconsciously means safe. Even if it's miserable, it knows that you're alive. And if you're alive, that means that you're safe.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
And so when you start to look at this, the natural question is, oh my God, okay, this all makes sense. I see how I'm procrastinating. I see how this is causing me to be in inaction. I see how this is holding me back. So what do I do? Well, the first thing we need to do is become more aware of ourselves.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
If you want to be taking action towards something, if you want to be going to the gym and you're not going to the gym, if you want to be building your business and you're not building your business, if you want to be asking that person out and you're not asking that person out, notice yourself not taking the action that you want to. the self-sabotaging, the procrastination.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
And then try to identify the trap door. Realize, okay, this is interesting. I really want to do this thing. I'm not doing this thing. What's behind all this? What fear is behind all of it? What limiting belief is behind all of it? What story is behind all of this? And challenge yourself to
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
to identify what that thing is, like actually start to notice, okay, so my conscious mind wants to do this thing. My subconscious is 15 steps ahead. Let me see if I can start to trace the subconscious to see what it's doing here. What is this thing doing? And then what I want you to do is I want you to challenge yourself to see the other side of the coin.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
So if you're sitting there and you're thinking to yourself, oh, I don't have any time. Yeah, I just, I don't have any time. Maybe I'll do it in the future. Ask yourself the question, is it possible for me to find some time? Is it possible that there might be some time? Maybe I don't have 40 hours a week, but do I have two? Do I have five? Do I have 10 hours a week?
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
Is it possible for me to do this after the kids go to bed? If it is, then you're full of shit. If you said to yourself, you don't have any time. Okay, that's good. That's what I want. I want to prove to myself that I'm full of shit because then it shows me, oh, the ego's just lying to me.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
If you think, oh, I'm not good enough and whatever flavor of I'm not good enough, you ask yourself a question, you want to challenge it. Is it possible that I might be good enough? Is it possible that I can build myself to be way better? If it's true, then you're full of it again. That's what you're trying to do.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
You're trying to prove that this perspective that I have based off of my ego is actually not true, that it is false. If I can find that it's false, it's like a house of cards. It's like one good flick and the entire thing comes falling down.
The Mindset Mentor
How to Stop Procrastinating and Finally Take Action
oh, you're not gonna be a successful business owner, you're not smart enough, you're too ugly, you're not pretty enough, you are dyslexic, you have ADHD, whatever stuff that you're saying to yourself as to why you can't build a business. Challenge that. Is it possible that I could succeed at building a business? It's possible. What would it look like?
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
You need to feel it, remind yourself this is okay, I'm not in any danger right now, and then lean into that fear. Push past that little bit of physical discomfort, because you're on the edge of your comfort zone. So do something when you don't feel like you're ready. Don't wait till you're ready. Do it before you're ready.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
You know, apply for that job before you feel like you're quote unquote qualified. Publish the podcast or YouTube video before it's quote unquote perfect. Reach out to a mentor or someone that you want to work with before you feel like you're worthy in some sort of way. And so your comfort zone is where your dreams go to die.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Every time you stay in it, you just push your dreams a little bit further down the road. Every time you step out of it, that's where you expand and possibility can come in. The more scary things that you do, the less they become scary. You just get used to doing things out of your comfort zone. So feel your fears, do it anyway. You need to take action.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And number five, this is the thing I used to do with all of my one-on-one clients. Whenever we would come up with our goals for the week and the assignments and things they need to do, I used to always ask them this question. How can you make it easier on yourself? And so number five is to ask yourself, how can I make this easier on myself?
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Success, whatever that looks like for you, doesn't have to be a struggle. You don't have to white knuckle your way through life. And so you can ask yourself, how can I make this easier on myself? How can I make this feel more effortless? It can become more effortless because you're more in line and you're excited. It's really easy to work hard when you're doing something that you love.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
It's really easy to lose yourself when you're doing something that you love. And so how can you make it easier for you to take the right action, for you to build the life that you've been looking for, and how can you make it feel more effortless versus so much of a struggle? And so you have to understand like you have one life.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Now that we've gone through the Confucius quote, you've got two lives, but you're on the back end, which means you're on the second life, which is realizing that you only have one. So don't waste it by living in default or just staying in patterns. Design it from this moment forward with intention. Get really clear on what you want. Build a life that's around your strengths.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Make some sort of transition plan. Take action despite your fears and then try to make it feel more effortless as well. Because the biggest regret on people's deathbed, according to statistics and to a book that's called The Five Regrets of the Dying, the biggest regret of people who are dying is that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not what others expected of me.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
So live a life that's true to yourself. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. I love seeing when you guys share it. The only way this podcast grows is when you guys share it. So if you do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
you know, certain tribes, you'd go off into a cave for five days and eat, you know, five handfuls of mushrooms or something like that. And then you come out and you're like, now you're a man or now you're a woman. Now it's like, oh, you just go to college. And we still have this feeling kind of lingering in the back of like, is someone coming to help me? Like our parents were there.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Our parents were always telling us what to do. And now they're not telling us what to do. And so it's like, we never really get this full like cutoff of like, hey, you're an adult now. This is your decision. There's no one coming to save you. But I do want to tell you that before we dive in.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And if you want a life that excites you, that fulfills you, that gives you a sense of purpose, you have to be the one to create it. I'm going to go through this simple five-step process to design your life. Your life, not the life that someone else expects of you. Not the life that your parents told you that you needed to be or else you were a loser.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Not the life that just kind of happened to land on your lap. But the life that you want to actually create. And this is the way that I think of today's episode. Confucius had a quote that was very famous and says, we have two lives. And the second one begins when we realize we only have one. And so we kind of live this life unconsciously.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And then we wake up one day, we're like, oh my God, I've only got one life and I'm already 40 years into it. I need to do something about it. So hopefully this is the start of your second one is when you realize that you only have one. And from this moment until the day you die, you're going to do what you want to do. So let's go through the five step process.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Number one, you've heard me say this before if you listen to podcasts for a while, but you have to get crystal clear on what you actually want in your life. If you don't know what you want, you will always feel lost. If you don't know what you want, you'll never quite feel like you got what you were looking for in this life.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Because you never got really clear and said, this is what I want, this is what I'm shooting for. This is something that I see so many people struggle with. I have people that come up to me after talks or in the streets or send me emails or I'm on Zoom calls in some of my coaching sessions in Mindset University. And they're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
I want to create the life I want to create. And then I say, okay, well, what do you want? I've never gotten a really good answer. It's always this vague, nebulous idea that they explain to me. And I'm like, listen, it doesn't sound like you've gotten very clear on what you want. And if you're not clear, you're not going to get it.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, I'm gonna be going through a five-step process to design the life that you want. Have you ever just woken up and thought to yourself, like, how the hell did I get here? Like, you were actively participating in your life, But you didn't really build exactly what you wanted. I don't know if you've ever felt this way. I've definitely felt this way.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And I always say like one of my first mentors used to give this example on why you need to get so clear on what it is that you want. He used to say, if you were to take the number one archer in the world and you were to give him a bow and arrow, he's going to beat you every single time because he has way more practice.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
But if you blindfold him and spin him around, who has a better chance of hitting that target?
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
you why just because of the fact that you can clearly see where it is and he has no idea where it is most people are blindfolded throughout this entire life and what i'm trying to do is make you say hey i'm going to get really clear on what it is that i want and so too many people chase success quote unquote success without ever stopping and asking themselves what is their definition of success
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
If I were to ask every person listening to this episode right now, what's your definition of success? All of you will have completely different answers. And if you don't know what success is, your version of success, you'll never really truly be fulfilled. And as Tony Robbins says, success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Maybe you've been conditioned to believe that success means money or success means titles or achievements or approval from certain people or becoming famous. But real success is living a life that feels deeply fulfilling to you. Regardless of the money in your bank account, regardless of all of the achievements, or what other people might define as success. So what makes you the happiest?
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
What makes you say, that would be a successful life for me? That's what you need to figure out. You might be a doctor right now and be worth a million dollars a year because that's what your parents told you to go do.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
But you might just be the happiest living in a country, in a small house with your children and your spouse, working on a family farm, making enough money doing side jobs just to pay the bills and save a little, even though you went to school for years. You'd be better just spending the majority of your time raising your children into good humans. And that's what you want to do. Good. Go do that.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Let's say you're not a doctor. Let's say you're struggling to pay the rent. Okay, well, what do you need to do in order to, if that exact same life is what you want, in order to get a small family farm, whether it's something to rent or to save up enough money to buy it to eventually get there? What does success mean to you?
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
For some people, success would mean something completely different than living on a small family farm and raising little tiny humans. But without clarity, you just keep drifting and reacting to life instead of actually sitting down and designing it.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
So you need to intentionally design every aspect of your life with clarity, not with vagueness, so that you know what you're shooting for and what you're working towards every single day. This is really the biggest first step and probably the most important. So you've got to ask yourself the right questions. What does my ideal day look like from start to finish?
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
How do I want to feel every morning when I wake up? What kind of work excites me? How do I want to spend my time? Who do I want to spend my time with? What kind of lifestyle would make me feel the most alive? What are things that matter most to me in my life? Whether it's freedom or creativity or family or impact or adventure, whatever it is for you. And so write it all down.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Don't just think about it. Document it. Write it down. The act of writing helps you turn these vague desires into a clear vision. Then when you see it in front of you, it becomes more real. And I always say when it's on paper, it can be planned. really hard to plan things in your head. And so I challenge you to spend 10 minutes every single morning journaling about the life that you want.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Not the life that you have, the life that you want, and getting more and more clear and just bringing a little bit more clarity to that vision. And then you'll start to see patterns emerge and you'll go, you know what, I do actually love doing that. It'll give you more clarity over time. So that's the first step. The second step is
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
is to then start to take action towards that by building a life around your strengths and your passions too many people try to force themselves into careers or lifestyles that aren't really a good fit as i'm you know getting older i'm seeing this i'm seeing so many people that are in jobs that i'm like why do you have that job that doesn't make sense with your personality it doesn't make sense with the way that your brain works and those jobs just drain them because they have to use so much energy to do those jobs
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
So they pick jobs because they're safe or they pick jobs because they decided when they were 18 years old to go for a major and now they're 50 years old and it's completely different than what they thought. At 18 years old, I didn't know who I was. I didn't know how my brain worked. I didn't know what my personality type was like.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And that's why so many people wake up and they feel unfulfilled is they don't build a life around their strengths and their passions. And we will be right back. And now, back to the show. So you need to build a life that plays into your natural strengths. When you operate from your strengths, the work feels pretty effortless. It's really interesting.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And I remember waking up and I was like, luckily still younger. I was about 28 years old. I remember being like, if I fast forward my life five years and I get, I do really well and I make more money and I get my manager's job. I'm not going to like the life that I have. Like, what the hell am I doing with myself? I need a full reset.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
You get into a flow state where everything can kind of disappear and you feel fully engaged. You know, what would look like work to other people but feel like fun to you? Like for me, I've told you this before on the podcast, I love researching human neurology and psychology and early childhood development. Those things are so interesting.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And I love learning them and putting them all together and then teaching them into lessons. That's fun for me. For a lot of people, they'd be like, screw that. I would never want to do that. I get that. I have things that I hate doing as well. Do you know what I hate? I hate building and fixing stuff around my house. I don't, I just hate doing it. My friend Alan loves to do it.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Remodel his entire house by himself. When I need something hung up, I'm like, hey, can you come hang something up with me? And then we'll hang up a TV together because I don't want my TV to fall on my kid. So I'm just like, please, Alan, come over so I don't screw this thing up. So he loves doing that type of building. He also loves cooking. I hate cooking.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
So like him, his natural inclination is to go towards building something as far as like a meal or building and fixing something inside of a house. If I was in construction, I just wouldn't fit. But that could have been a job I picked up when I was 20 years old. I'm like, well, I've been doing it for so long, I might as well keep doing it. We're different people. We all have different brains.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
We have different interests as well. So many people are doing the wrong thing for them because they just decided to do it one day and they're like, well, I've been doing it for so long, I might as well keep going. but it never really fit. And so it feels like they're struggling in some way. It feels kind of like you're trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. It doesn't make sense.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
You know, like another good example of this that really changed my mind of the way that brains work, there's a great book on business, it's called Rocket Fuel, and it talks about how people can be visionaries or they can be integrators. So like a visionary is a big picture thinker. There are usually entrepreneurs with big ideas. They're very, very creative. They love to drive and innovate.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
They often struggle with execution and managing details and processes. That's me. I can force myself to do like the processes and the managing of the details, but I just hate doing it, to be honest with you. That is more for what's called an integrator.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
An integrator is much more of a structured, detail-orientated leader who will take the visionary's ideas and turn them into managing teams, systems, growing a business with them, the processes, ensuring the business runs smoothly and efficiently.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
So for me, I have the visionary brain and I'm constantly coming up with ideas and you could throw me on a stage and I could just talk the entire time and all these ideas come through and I'm very visual. I can force myself to integrate, but it's not really my thing. On the other hand, I have Brittany on my team, who's my VP of operations. She is a hardcore integrator brain. She's very structured.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
She's very detail-oriented. She's very into managing teams and systems and processes and ensuring that things run smoothly. We work really well together because we can bounce ideas, and the visionary and the integrator both need each other. And so she just has a way different brain than me. And so we are both in a position that best fits us, but also makes me the most excited about what I'm doing.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
It makes her the most excited about what she's doing. That's a good example of fitting into the right position. And so you've got to find out like what your zone of genius is. You know, what do people come to you for advice on? What do you lose track of time when you're doing? Like what feels fine and effortless, but can be hard for other people? What type of skills come naturally for you?
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. If you love this podcast, you want to get some inspirational texts from me, some mindset texts sporadically throughout the week, and you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And I have many people that come to me and they're like, hey, I need to redesign my life. I need to start it over. I need to change something at least. How do I do it? The first thing that we need to talk about, and this is not one of the tips, but I just want to say before we dive into it, is this is the truth. No one's coming to save you.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
That's what I would recommend trying to start doing is finding something that actually feels like a passion and feels like a strength, which is number two. Number three, once you start to get clear on what you want, how you want it, what you want your life to look like, and what your strengths and your passions are, create a transition plan. Not just like a dream board or a vision board.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
I'm talking about a transition plan. So you might be... 50 years old right now and working in a job, you know, in HR for the past 30 years. And you're like, I'm over this. I don't expect you to just quit your job today. And I don't think that you should quit your job today.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
But what I would recommend is if you know that you're done and you want to do something different, create some sort of transition plan, 12 months, 24 months, whatever it is. Listen, dreaming is great, but without a clear strategy, nothing's going to change. And so you need to turn your vision into an actual plan of action. Because if you're not careful, years are just going to pass you by.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And some people listening, years have just passed by. Some of you, decades have passed by. And your dream is just going to still be a dream. And so what I would recommend is breaking it down into an actual, whatever feels right for you. A 12-month plan, a 24-month plan, a 36-month plan, a 6-month plan. What is it for you? Make a six-month plan, a goal.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
What's one major step that you can take towards your dream life in the next six months? And work towards that thing. And then once you figure out that six months, well then what are your daily habits? Like what small habits can start to move you in the right direction? And then you can come up with a financial strategy so that you can start to move and feel safer to transition.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
So you can save, you can invest, you can build some side income, something like that, so that when you transition out of what you've been doing for 20 or 30 years into this new thing, you have much more of a longer runway because you've been planning ahead financially, which allows you more time and more of a runway for this thing to take off.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
And so you just want to start doing some small steps, but do them consistently every single day because small steps lead to massive changes over time. So write down like three small steps that you can take this week to start moving towards your dream life that you want to create. Okay, so that's number three. Make a transition plan. Number four, take action already, even when it's scary.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Fear is not a stop sign. it's a sign that you're on the right track. If you're not a little scared all the time, you're not growing. You should feel scared. You should feel fear because you're getting out of your comfort zone every single day. Most people let fear paralyze them. But the secret is to feel the fear and decide to do it anyways.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
Because fear is just really the physical feeling of your comfort zone. When you feel fear, that's the physical feeling of, oh my God, I've hit the edge of my comfort zone. So instead of backing away, I'm going to lean a little bit forward. It's the body's way of saying danger, but that's a good thing because you're not actually in any physical danger. What you are is you're in the danger.
The Mindset Mentor
5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want
The danger to your brain and your body is no, no, no. We're on the edge of our comfort zone. We've never done this before. You got to remind yourself that's okay. No big deal. It's a good thing. So we've probably, and a lot of us have, created the habit of when you feel that fear, you just shut down or you back down.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
It's actually your proof more than anything else that the change is working. You've just got to keep pushing ahead. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
So if you would share this, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it so we can impact more people's lives. And It's just a way of you being able to pay it forward. And once again, if you want to get my inspirational text messages in the United States or Canada, text me right now. 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
And so if you look at the science behind it, this concept comes from something that's called the operant conditioning. It's a principle that was developed by B.F. Skinner. And so he found that when an expected reward is removed in some sort of way, all of the subjects initially increase the intensity of the behavior before the behavior dies out.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
And so the classic study of the way they discovered this was with lab rats. And so Skinner placed lab rats in a box where they went over to a lever. If they pressed the lever, it would give them food. And after a while, they realized over days and days and weeks, if I go over to this, I just push the lever and it gives me food. And so the rats start eating and overeating.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
They start getting fatter. And then he had it where once they push the lever, no food comes out. And once he stopped rewarding them, The rats, guess what? They didn't give up immediately. They pressed the lever more times. They pressed it faster, and they pressed it with more force before eventually giving up a couple days later and stopping. And so this pattern isn't just for lab rats, though.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
It shows up in humans all the time whenever we're trying to break our own habits. Your brain operates exactly the same way when you are trying to break a habit. And so how does this show up in your life? How does this show up in your self-development? Well, let's say that you're working on yourself. You've decided you're going to ditch the self-doubt.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
You're going to quit all of your bad habits and you're going to just level up your mindset and become a different person. But suddenly... things kind of feel a little bit worse. You get overwhelmed, maybe some of your old fears start to resurface, or these negative habits, these bad habits start to flare up. And they don't just flare up, they flare up with more intensity than normal. Why is that?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
It's because your brain hates change. This is why so many people self-sabotage and they're like, I don't know why I self-sabotage because it's not even you consciously doing it. It's the last ditch effort of your brain trying to hold on to its old conditioning.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Even if that change that you're trying to create in your life is positive in some sort of way, your brain has gotten used to operating in a very specific way for a long time. And it knows that if I do this, I get that. If I do this, I get this. If I do this, I get this. And then it does this and I don't get this. Well, then your brain's going to throw a minor freak out. Why is that?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Because it's so used to being rewarded in certain ways, even if those rewards are harmful in the long run. And so when your brain creates a pattern, it creates a habit in some sort of way, believe it or not, no matter what your brain does, it has some sort of reward that it's going to get at the end of this thing. And so let me give you a couple of examples of how this might show up in your life.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Let's say that when things get really stressful for you, you have turned to in the past emotional eating or stressful eating. And so the temporary reward is when you're stressed, you go and you grab a cookie so you get some sugar or you get a bag of chips so you get a lot of carbs and you get some salt.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
It gives you in that moment instant comfort because sugar and carbs and salts and all of that trigger a dopamine release in that moment, which is a feel-good chemical in your brain. So you feel, oh my gosh, I'm stressed, I'm stressed, I'm stressed. Okay, I feel pretty good.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Today, we're going to be talking about why you self-sabotage, and then I'm going to teach you exactly how to stop. Now, I want you to think about this. Have you ever tried to break a bad habit, and you really want to break that bad habit? You're starting to break it, but just when you think that you're making progress, bam, it comes back even stronger than it ever has before.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
So the long-term harm of continuing that, if the habit continues to be reinforced and you reinforce emotional eating, it's going to make it harder to break. And so your brain starts associating stress equals food. Literally creates unhealthy cravings whenever you feel overwhelmed. So then you go and get stressed out. You have a bad day at work. You go to food. Your boss is an asshole.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
You go to food. You get in a fight with your spouse. You go to food. So over the short term, it feels good. Over the long term, this habit's not going to be good for you. And so the way that you want to rewire it is you want to figure out a way when I feel stress and I want to go to food, I need to go to something else. Now, is this going to be easy?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
No, because your brain's going to be like, whoa, this, it was way easier to go to a bag of chips. It was way easier to eat a cake than to do deep breathing or to go for a walk or to do some form of journaling.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
And so you want to find something to replace the food with that is a different form of stress relief, which is like I said, going for the walk, doing some form of journaling, doing deep breathing. At first, your brain is going to be pissed and it's gonna throw a temper tantrum and you're gonna get stressed You're going to feel anxious. You might feel sad. You might feel mad.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
It's going to demand basically the old habit, which is the extinction burst that I'm talking about. But if you hold strong, eventually the craving will fade and you're going to go, okay, I don't feel as bad. And then the next time you notice yourself get stressed and you want to go to food because it's an old habit, old habits die hard. You go, nope, I'm going to do my deep breathing.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Whatever your new thing is, right? So another example would be like, if you're the type of person that procrastinates and you avoid the things that you need to do, that temporary reward that I'm talking about is you might put off a difficult task by scrolling on social media or watching Netflix. Why? Because it relieves your anxiety in the moment. So it gives you this quick dopamine hit
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
with the entertainment. You see how I'm saying all of these habits have some form of a temporary reward. But in the long term of avoiding what you need to do, procrastinating, every time you procrastinate, your brain is learning that avoidance equals relief. And so it reinforces this habit, which makes it harder to face challenges in the future. And so how do you rewire it?
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Well, at first, your brain is going to fight for distractions. That is its extinction burst. But once you push through it and you decide to take action and take action and take action, that is your new habit you're creating. Your ability to focus and to be better at taking action will strengthen over time and the old habit will start to die off. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Let's say that you're in a toxic relationship. The temporary reward, you know the relationship isn't healthy, but you stay in it because it gives you some form of temporary comfort or familiarity or attention, even if that attention is negative. And so that's a temporary reward.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
The long-term harm is that you reinforce this fear of being alone, which makes it harder for you to walk away, even if you know that you deserve better. And so your brain associates familiarity with safety even if that safety feeling is a toxic person. And so you got to recognize that your discomfort is not a sign that you should go back to that person.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
You ever wonder why that is? Why when you get so close to breaking it and you're doing so good and you have so much momentum, you ever wonder why it's so hard and how it just comes back stronger? Why is it so easy to make change in the short term, but then you don't just come off the rails at the end.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
It's your brain's way of grasping and trying to hold on to old patterns. So you've got to stay in no contact long enough. And eventually if you do that, the emotional pull is going to start to fade. And then like the last example is quitting addictions or quitting really bad habits. You cut sugar or alcohol or toxic relationships in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Suddenly those cravings are all going to just be really, really strong. The emotional pull is going to pull you way stronger. And you think to yourself like, Maybe I should just give in, right? Like I'm trying to change, but this isn't working because I want to go back to this old thing so much. But the fact that it's getting so hard, and I want you to remember this, like get this in your bones.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
The fact that it's so hard is a sign that the change is starting to work. You know, if you look at this, it's withdrawal symptoms of somebody who is an addict and most addiction recovery, the withdrawal symptoms usually spike before they fade.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
And so your brain fights to restore old dopamine patterns before it learns to regulate itself without whatever this addiction or thing that was your bad habit. Make sense? And so you've got to figure out some sort of way to push through whenever you feel like going back to bad habits. You know, most people, it starts to get really hard. And so they think to themselves, this is too hard.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
I must be doing something wrong. You know what? I'm just going to quit. And they quit whenever they feel the extinction burst come in. They think something like, if this was working, it wouldn't feel this hard. Have you ever thought that to yourself? Like, if this was worth it, it wouldn't be so hard. If I was changing, I would have gotten results by now.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
But you have to understand all of that is a trap. It's your old conditioning trying to get you to quit changing. It's trying to get you to go back to what you used to do. And so you've got to remind yourself about this. Like this is the exact reason what we're talking about today is the reason why the phrase old habits die hard exists. This habit is trying really, really hard not to die.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
And it is its last ditch effort. And so you've got to be able to be like, nope, I'm going to fight through no matter what. Because the good news about this is if you keep going in the direction that you want, eventually... The old behavior will fade. I promise you this. It won't fade as fast as you want. Everybody always wants everything to happen faster than it's going to happen.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
But if you just don't stop, eventually the old behavior will fade. And so let's talk about real quick how to get through an extinction burst, right? When you're starting to change, there's a couple different steps. The first thing when you're starting to change yourself, you need to just expect that you're going to have this extinction burst.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
When you know that you're needing to change and you know that it's going to be coming up, when it comes up, it kind of loses its power. Because if suddenly things get worse, you just remind yourself. You're just like, ah, here it is. That one podcaster told me about it. This is my brain throwing its fit. which is actually a good thing because this means I'm really close to change.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
You come off the rails, you crash, you burn, and then you give up on yourself and you give up on the change that you were trying to create. That's because there's this psychological phenomenon that's called the extinction burst, and that's exactly what's going on when you're trying to break a habit. The extinction burst is like a temper tantrum that your brain's conditioning is throwing.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
So I've got to just keep pushing through. So that's the first thing. Just expect it. It's not going to be easy to change any habit ever, especially if you've been doing it for a really long time. The second thing, you just got to start riding the wave. Don't judge yourself for this really deep urge to go back to old ways. Just observe it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Because if you just observe it, it will eventually pass without you acting on it. Most of the time, though, what I've found with coaching people over years and years and years now is that when we have an old habit start to rear its ugly head back in, a lot of people will beat themselves up. They will guilt themselves. They will shame themselves. They will start talking trash to themselves. Don't.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Just ride the wave. Just observe it and then just let it pass without acting on it. Breathe through it. Give yourself some time. It's going to be uncomfortable in your body. You might feel stress, anxiety. You might feel sadness, anger. You're going to feel something in your body. It's a last-ditch effort. Just breathe through it. Eventually, it's going to pass.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you want to get some inspirational texts directly to your phone. If you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Or if you want, I don't recommend this necessarily, but you can try it if it gets really bad. Just go do something else. I don't want you to distract yourself with something to try to not feel feelings. I think it's important to feel feelings and to breathe through it and to work through it. But if it gets to the point where it's just so intense, just keep yourself busy doing something else.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Okay, so that's the second thing is to ride the wave. The third thing is you have to stay the course. Whatever you are changing, whatever you're working down, When you feel that come in and you want to give up, that is the moment where you need to double down on your commitment. So if you do this, you keep reinforcing the new behavior versus the old behavior.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
I'm going to focus on this new behavior, this new habit that I'm trying to rewire myself because it is so important. And I'm reminding myself of if I create this habit, what my life is going to be like and how my life is going to change. I don't want to stay the same. So I've got to get rid of this habit. I want change because I see what my future could look like. You have to understand this.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Here's the secret to it. You cannot lose if you just don't stop. It's the truth. It's the truth of most things in life. Most people just give up. So if you just don't give up, you're usually going to lose. But in this case, if you just don't give up on changing your old bad habits, eventually you will win. So number four that goes along with that is make it hard to go back to your old self.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
If your extinction burst is making you crave distractions, whatever those distractions are, for instance, remove all of the easy access around you. So if you feel like, hey, I really need to get away from this app. Maybe I really need to get away from TikTok. spending way too much time on it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Instead of going, oh my gosh, I'm going to put my phone away, and then you find yourself on your phone 10 minutes later, delete the app. Stop screwing around. Just delete the app already. Throw out the junk food if you're trying to lose weight. If you have a toxic ex and you keep going back to them, you keep, oh my gosh, I have these emotions. I want to go back to them. Just block them.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
And so your brain's conditioning creates an intense last-ditch effort to get what it wants before finally giving up and starting to change. And if you're serious about it, if you're serious about rewiring your mindset, breaking your toxic cycles, or stepping into a new version of yourself, then you have to understand exactly what this is, how it works, and then how to get past it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
Whatever you can do to make going back to old patterns that you have really hard. So just remove the easy access. Make it hard to go back. And then number five, which is a very important part of this, is I want you to start celebrating your progress more. The fact that you're even experiencing extinction bursts means that you have interrupted an old pattern. That's a win, damn it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
And it shows that you're on the right path. And so you've got to celebrate this. Don't be an asshole to yourself because you feel like you want to go back to this. You feel anxious about it. Not like you should celebrate it. Oh my gosh, I'm feeling really anxious because of the fact that I'm not doing this old habit.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
But that's a good thing because I'm experiencing this extinction burst, which is showing me that I have interrupted an old pattern. This is exactly what I want to do. I am on the right path. Let's double down. right? And so if you're on this journey of self-development, I want you to understand this.
The Mindset Mentor
Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
You will have moments where your old self fights back, and it's going to keep rearing its ugly head over and over and over again. And sometimes I'm just going to be very transparent with you. It's going to be very, very hard. But here's the truth to it. It's not a sign that you're failing. It's a sign that you're rewiring yourself. So it's not proof to you that the change isn't working.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And so you have to pick one belief that you hold strongly and then try arguing against it. As if you're trying to prove somebody else, like you have somebody sitting next to you and you're trying to prove to them that you are wrong. See if you can do it. What do you notice? Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it feel like it's impossible? If so, you've probably found one of your identity traps.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
It's a filter that distorts reality based off of what's happened to us in the past, based off of our past history, based off of fears and limiting beliefs and traumas. based off of what you learned as a child, what you were taught by your parents was right and wrong, what you saw them do, what you saw them not do.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
So that's the thing that you need to understand about it. And then I just want you to understand when you look at your seeing things clearly, to see things clearly is a practice. It's not a talent. Clear thinking isn't something that you're born with. It's something that you must train yourself to do. It's a skill set.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And the skill set of thinking clearly is one of the most important skill sets you can build in your life. Every day you have a choice. You can see things clearly as they are or clearly. You can just see them as you wish that they were. And so you've gotta be able to question your assumptions and your beliefs. Most people don't do this.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
They go through life making the same mistakes, falling into the same ways of self-sabotage every single time, trapped by the same illusions, and they wonder why nothing changes. But you, you can train yourself to see things in reality as they actually are. And once you do that, your decisions on what to do will improve exponentially.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Your life will improve and it'll open up a whole world to you that you never really imagined because now you're seeing things you never saw before because your perception was distorting reality in front of you. And so I have a challenge for you for one week. I want you to just challenge some of your thoughts and beliefs and see what comes up. See if you can get good at debating yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Because clarity is a skill and once you develop it, everything starts to change. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a huge, huge favor. Share it on your Instagram stories right now and tag me in it. RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And if we don't learn to see through this distortion, it's going to hold us back from making the right decisions. And we're going to continue to make bad decisions over and over and over again. And we might mistake emotion for logic. We might mistake personal beliefs for truth. We might mistake our own assumptions for facts.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And this is where thinking clearly and having really good judgment comes in. Judgment doesn't sound like the sexiest topic to talk about, but it really is important because judgment is not just intelligence. It's not just reading books and having book smarts. It's the keen ability to see what is actually in front of you.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Not just what you hope is there, but it's the ability to see clearly and the ability to challenge yourself to see things as they are, not as you want them to be or as you want to see them. And the key word is to challenge. and challenge yourself, challenge your own perception to see is this absolute truth or is this just what I think happened? Or is this what I think is going on?
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
If you develop this skillset of judgment and of clear thinking, your life will be so much easier. And so the question comes from this, like how do we train ourself to see the world clearly? It's kind of a weird question, right? How do I train myself to see clearly? I thought I was. seeing the world pretty clearly.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Another question is like, how do I strip away all of my biases, all of my desires, my emotional filters, so that I can actually make good decisions in front of me? Okay, so let's dive into it. The first thing that you need to understand is that your mind does lie to you. Your brain is basically a prediction machine. It takes the past,
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And it throws it into the future and tries to make predictions on what could happen in the future. It's constantly guessing and predicting what's going to happen based off of your past experiences, not necessarily based off of what's actually happening right now. And this will really hold you back if you don't see it this way.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And I want you to understand, like, for instance, I've had before the business that I have right now, I have had two quote unquote failed businesses in the past. Now, if I were to look before I started the business that I have now, I've been running for almost 10 years and go, well, you know what? I failed at the other two businesses. I'm probably going to fail at this one.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, we're gonna talk about how to think more clearly than how your brain is actually lying to you. You know, we like to think and we like to believe that we see the world clearly, that our choices are rational and that we are making decisions from a rational place that is clearly thought out. And it's weighed out based off of facts and we choose them wisely.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
I probably wouldn't have started it, even if I consciously wanted to start the business. And I like, I really want to start this business, but I'm holding myself back. I'm self-sabotaging. I'm procrastinating. It's usually because my brain is thinking subconsciously, those other two businesses failed.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
You put so much time and energy and money into them, it's probably going to fail in this one as well. So your pain that's happened to you in the past will create your fears in the future. And this is why your brain wants to predict the future for you. Your brain is a protection mechanism. That's what it does for you.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And so you might assume that things will turn out badly for you because they have before. Or you might have an opportunity pop up. It might be a great opportunity, but you don't trust the opportunity because, not because it's actually risky, but because you had something that you failed at once in the past. And so you see this opportunity and go, I'll probably fail at that as well.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Let me pass on it. Or maybe you hold on to relationships or ideas or identities that no longer serve you anymore. Because your brain tells you that it's safer to stick with what's familiar than to go out and to face the unknown. Or you might avoid romantic relationships because your last one broke your heart.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Even though you consciously want to find love, like you consciously want to really find someone you can settle down with. That's 5% of your mind, your conscious mind. Your subconscious, which is 95% of what's going on, is trying to protect you from that pain again. So it's like, no, no, no, don't trust that guy. No, no, no, don't trust him. Nope, he looks a lot like the last one.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Oh, red flag, red flag. And so even though you really want to consciously get into a relationship, it can hold you back from getting into one. Do you see the problem? You have to understand that what kept you safe in the past can keep you stuck now. You aren't actually seeing real reality. You're seeing a version of reality, your perception, that is shaped by your history.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
So how do you break the cycle? You want to start to try to test everything like you're a scientist. Now, obviously, there's some scientists in the world that are paid by really big companies to say what those really big companies want them to say. That's not the type of scientist I'm talking about. A good scientist doesn't believe what they want to be true. What they do is they test it.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And they try to, and this is the key part, they try to disprove their own ideas, not confirm them. They want to try to disprove their ideas. If they can't disprove their own ideas, then their idea must have been true. So that is what you must do. And I think everyone in this world needs to hear this. Just because you think something and you believe something does not make it true.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And so you have to think like cognitive behavioral therapy. They say test the validity of your thoughts. You need to get better at challenging yourself versus blindly just believing in yourself, in your thoughts, in your emotions, in your feelings. Most people I understand do the opposite. For years, I did the opposite. They only look for the information that confirms what they already believe.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
That's the thing that's really crazy about this world. That's what's really causing so many people to go on one side or the other side is that they're only looking for the information that confirms what they already believe. It's called confirmation bias versus going, well, I believe this. Let me have a conversation with someone who believes something completely different.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And we will do it all of the time. If you think, for instance, your boss is unfair, then you'll only notice the moments that prove that he's unfair. And you'll ignore all of the times where he's been reasonable or been great. If you believe that you're bad with money, you'll focus on every financial mistake that you've made. You'll ignore all of the times where you hinted things well.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
If you feel like you'll never be successful, you will filter out any evidence of past success. If you don't think that you can trust yourself, you'll filter out all of the moments where you did something that was trustworthy. So if you want to think clear, if you want clearer judgment, you must learn to question everything, even your own thoughts and especially your own beliefs.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
So next time you're convinced that something's true, just take a step back and just try to play devil's advocate for a second. Try to debate yourself and say, okay, well, if I think that this is true, what evidence would actually prove me wrong? What evidence would prove me wrong? If you can't answer it, You're probably not searching for the truth. You're searching for validation.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
So turn it into a game. Make it more fun. Have fun with it. Play devil's advocate. All right, this is what I absolutely believe to be true. Let me try to just see if I can prove myself false. What evidence would actually prove me to be wrong? If you do this, you'll start to notice that a lot of the things that you think are truth and you believe in aren't standing on solid ground.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And we will be right back. And now back to the show. The second thing you need to understand is your desires, what you want actually clouds your reality as well. One of your biggest blind spots that we have just as people that doesn't come from ignorance. It comes from attachment, attachment to ideas, attachment to beliefs, attachment to people, attachment to outcomes, attachment to what you want.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
But most of the time, that's not even close to true. A lot of times, your brain is lying to you, your perception is lying to you, and you're making a quick decision based off of every event that's ever happened to you in your life. What we actually see when we see the world
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
You know, you want a relationship to work. So you ignore all of the red flags and you start thinking about, oh my gosh, but he's got so much potential, right? Or you want an investment to succeed. So you downplay all of the risks and you're like, yes, this is definitely going to work. And you get yourself into a riskier situation. Or you want to be right.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
So you dismiss any new information that contradicts you in any sort of way. desire distorts reality as well. So you aren't seeing things as they actually are, you're seeing them as you wish they were. And so many people do this in relationships, as I just said. Most people don't want to be alone. They don't want to be alone, so they pretend that all of the red flags don't exist. No, those aren't.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Well, they downplay him. Oh, it's not that big of a deal. No, he's just texting another person. Oh, no, she's just a friend. Whatever it might be, all of these red flags that could exist, right? Not saying that, you know, people can't have friends. But I'm just saying there might be a lot of red flags that are happening.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And what they do is because they don't want to be alone, they try to convince themselves that love should be hard. Oh, this should be really hard. It should be stressful. Versus actually like really seeing it as it is because desire distorts reality. So one of the most powerful mental shifts that you can make is to detach yourself from the outcome.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Detach from what you want just long enough to try to see things as they are. Ask yourself stuff like, if I had no personal stake, what would I advise one of my friends to do? If my friend came to me and said, this is what my boyfriend's doing, what kind of advice would I give them? Not my own. Not my own boyfriend. Not my own girlfriend. Whatever it is that you might have.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
What advice would I give them? Instead of asking something like, you know, how can I make this work? Maybe you should ask yourself, should I be even working on this in the first place? Instead of asking, what do I want to be true? Ask what is true regardless of how I feel about it. See, the clearer that you can see reality, the better that your decisions will be. And this is a big, big point.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
The better decisions that you make will come from seeing things more clearly. You make better decisions the more clearly that you see things. And it's like an example of, let's say that I give you a bow and arrow and I say, okay, I want you to go ahead and hit that target. And then I give you a pair of dirty glasses.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
I take a pair of glasses and I rub them in the ground and I get a bunch of dirt on them. I say, okay, go ahead and try to hit that target. Well, through distorted glasses, it's going to be really hard to hit that target because I don't see it as well. I don't see it clearly. But if you just take the glasses off, it's going to be much easier for you to hit that target. Why?
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
is a filtered version of the world through our past experiences, through our beliefs, through our fears, and through our desires. And I want you to understand this. Your perception is not reality. It is your version of reality. That might be hard for some people to understand, but your perception is not absolute reality. It is your version of reality. So our perception isn't reality.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Because you're not distorting it with those glasses. You're able to see it more clearly. It's the same thing here. The more clearly that you can see, the better that you will shoot. The more clear that you can see, the better decisions that you will make in your life. So next time you make a decision, write down what you want to happen.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
And then write down what you would do if you had zero attachment to the outcome. And then compare the two. Okay, this is what I want. And this right here is, you know, if I had zero attachment to it, what I think, you know, if I had zero attachment to it, this is what I would do. And then compare the two and see if there's a gap between them.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to get some inspirational and mindset tips and tricks, text directly to your phone. And you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 1-512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
If there's a gap between them, that's where your judgment's probably clouded. The third thing that you need to understand is that your identity traps you into staying stuck as well. So most people don't think freely. We think through a lens of our own personal identity.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
If you've been listening to this podcast for a long time, you know I am obsessed with the identity that we have of who we think we are. So if you define yourself as a hard worker, it might be easy for you to work hard, but it might be really hard for you to consider that there might be easier ways of doing things. You might refuse to consider an easier way.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
You might be refusing smarter ways to get things done because you're tied to your worth being something that you struggle with. Oh, I struggle, I struggle, I work hard. And that's what makes you valuable to yourself. Or, you know, if you hold strongly to a political belief, you might defend it even when you're presented with clear contradictions. Many people in the world doing this right now.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Because changing your mind and admitting that you were wrong, or admitting that your friends group basically were wrong, would feel like betrayal. Because you identify with that political party. This is who I am. This is what I believe in. That's one of the most dangerous things that you can say. If you believe yourself as somebody who never quits,
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
You might hold on to things way too long, even when you should have let go of them a while ago. Because your ego hates change. Your ego likes to say, this is who I am, this is what I believe, and this is what I'm going to be forever. It would rather be wrong and consistent than correct and uncertain. Let me say that again for you to really understand.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Your ego would much rather for you to be wrong and consistent than correct and uncertain. If you never question who you are, you will never grow. If you want better judgment, you must learn to shed your identity when necessary. It doesn't mean that you become an empty shell that meditates all day long and has no beliefs. It means that you learn to loosely identify with things.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Like you hold on to your identity loosely and you're okay with being fluid and changing your identity a little bit. And you can update it when reality shows you something clearly and demands, hey, yeah, you should probably update that about yourself. You need a system update. And that allows you to see things more clearly.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
Instead of saying like, you know, imagine if you just had a computer and you're like, no, I'm going to use it forever and I'm never going to do the update. You're not going to be running programs very well in the next three to five years. Ten years, your computer is probably not going to work with any of the programs.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
If you want a computer to work well, you need to update it so that it can hold and use all of the new updates that are coming through, all the new softwares, everything. So you have to be willing to update your beliefs, your thoughts, your truths. Be willing to be wrong. The faster that you can make admissions to being some sort of mistake, the faster you're gonna grow.
The Mindset Mentor
How I’m Learning to Think Clearly
So you have to stop defending ideas just because they're familiar. Think about this. If all of your beliefs fit neatly into a little box in a single label, then you're not thinking clearly, you're just following the masses. You're following what you're told to do. You're following what you're told to believe. You're following what you're told to think.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And like, that's also the reason why like I drink very little alcohol and I'll never drink alcohol during the week. The only time I'll do it is like a Friday night. I'll have like a glass of wine Saturday. I don't even have it on Sunday because I know that it's going to be in my bloodstream. It's going to slow me down on Monday.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And so it's all about paying attention to your own personal energy, you know, and about trying to master your energy as well. And of course, figure out what works for you because what productivity looks like is starting to evolve. You know, the hustle harder mentality is dying off. Thank God. I was a part of the hustle harder mentality.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
I was, you know, working, what is it, 16 years ago, I was working 15 hours a day just trying to do as much as I possibly could. And it didn't work too well for me. Ran that business into the ground. Real productivity isn't about doing more. It's about having the right energy to be as focused as possible to get as much done in as little time as possible.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
So it's important to work with your body and not against it. Productivity is about showing up with full energy when it matters the most and finding your own body's natural cycles and working through them. So manage your energy as you manage your time. So that's what I got for you on today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Rob Dial Jr., the only way this podcast grows is if you guys share it. So if you would share it, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. It helps the podcast more than you know, helps us impact more people's lives. And also, once again, if you want to join my inspirational and strategy mindset text messages, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Have you ever noticed that happening before? It's not that you got better at time management for one day and then you were terrible at time management a couple days later. It's that your energy dictated how productive you were in the time that you were actually working. And that's because of energy, not because of time. And energy is the real currency of productivity.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And when I really realized this about probably 10 years ago, I started really paying attention to my energy when it was up, my energy was down. I started paying attention to my sleep when it was up, when it was down, what I did, what I didn't do, what could have gotten in the way. If I had a lot of energy one day, I started paying attention to what I ate or didn't eat. earlier throughout the day.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And if I had a big dip in energy, I was like, what just happened? Okay, I just ate this thing. Okay, that reminds me I never want to eat whatever that thing was again in the middle of the day. If it's something that I like, I can have it in the afternoon. When I'm done working, I can have it in the evening for dinner, but definitely not in the middle of the day.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And so that's one thing that you really want to think about is what does your energy look like throughout the day? And I want to chat with you real quick about traditional time management and how it fails you and how energy management can transform the way that you work, the way that you create, and the way that you live as well. So let me tell you why time management isn't enough.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Time management assumes that you have the same level of focus at all hours throughout the entire day. And you just don't. You have different levels of energy at different times of the day and on different days. And if you just schedule things, just put it in your schedule,
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
and you don't look at how your energy actually flows throughout the day, you might put a very important task at the point where you have the least amount of energy throughout the day. You might schedule a really important client call at a time where you just don't have a whole lot of energy.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
So in reality, some hours of the day, you're sharp, you're productive, you're firing on all cylinders, you're more creative, your brain's going well. And then other hours of the day, you're sluggish. And your energy can fluctuate on a lot of different things, on the sleep that you have, on the food, on your emotions, on your environment.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And so there was a study that actually Harvard Business Review did, and it was in 2007, it was by Tony Schwartz and by Catherine McCarthy. And they found out that employees who manage their energy rather than their time, were significantly more productive and engaged than those who didn't manage their energy.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, we're gonna be talking about how to be more productive and I'm gonna give you one productivity system that you really, really need. And it might be a productivity system that you've never heard of and maybe never even thought of.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And participants at Wachovia Bank who followed their energy management techniques improved their revenue by 13% compared to the other group, which was only 6% in the control group. And so these are people who not only looked at their time, but they said, well, let me figure out what my energy is like. Let me figure out what I feel like at this time of the day versus another time of the day.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And so it's not about just squeezing more into your day and trying to get your to-do list completely done or just following hustle culture and working all hours of the day. It's about working better during the hours when you and your body and your brain have peak energy. And so, you know, instead of asking yourself something like, how can I fit more into my day?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
What you really want to do is you want to take a step back and think to yourself, how can I optimize my energy so that I work better? I'm more productive and I don't have to work longer hours, which is completely opposite than what a lot of people think and what I used to think years ago. For me, I was like, I'm just going to work 12 hours a day and then I'm going to get more done.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Now that I'm older, I get way more done, but because I schedule out my day based off of how my energy flows, I'm way more productive than when I used to work 12 hours a day, 15 hours a day when I was younger. And when you think about your energy and you think about the flow of who you are and how you operate, it shifts everything for you.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
So instead of treating your day like an endless to-do list, you designed it around these natural flows and rhythms. And so your energy is going to peak throughout the day. It's going to dip throughout the day. So what you have to understand is your body runs on things that are called ultradian rhythms.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And this is a natural biological cycle that occurs multiple times throughout the day and they typically last about 90 minutes. And so your body's gonna flow through natural rhythms about every 90 minutes. And so there's three different types of people that usually exist in the world. And you need to kind of start paying attention to your energy more to figure out which one you are.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
So there are morning people, which are people who have peak energy early, and then it declines in the afternoon. There's people that are like the midday thrivers. This is me, where I don't really have a whole lot of energy, and I'm not the most excited. person in the morning. I'm fine. I'm chill in the morning, but I'm not wanting to get a whole bunch of shit done in the morning.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
But I like hit my stride a little bit before lunch. And then I start to slow down in the evening. And then there's people that are just night owls who might struggle a little bit in the morning, but then they peak in the evening. My best friend is He gets a little bit of a bump that's like, you know, a little bit of excitement, a little bit of energy around like one o'clock.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
But there's times when he will text me. I'll wake up in the morning and I'll have a text from him at like one o'clock in the morning because at like 10 or 11 o'clock at night after his kids go to bed, he gets this crazy spike in energy. I'm like, I'm asleep by that time. I'm asleep by 10, 1030. And so who are you and what's really your energy is what you need to figure out.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
But let's be real, most productivity advice tells you to manage your time better, to set up a calendar, to batch your tasks, to wake up at 5 a.m. and grind and grind and grind. And don't get me wrong, I do think that time management is super, super important in so many people. think that they have no time, but in reality, they're just terrible at managing their time.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And then you plan your productivity based off of that. And so there was a study that was done by Christopher Barnes at the University of Washington in 2011. And they actually found out that cognitive performance varies based on an individual's chronotype, which is whether they're an evening person, a midday person, or a morning person. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And so morning people tend to perform best before noon. Night people were the best and their sharpest in the evening, usually after seven, eight o'clock at night. And so your energy isn't this constant thing. What you want to do is start to be aware of your own natural rhythm and work with it versus working against it. So you need to figure out which one of those that you are.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Now, how do you figure out which one you are if you don't know at this moment? Here's what I recommend. If you have a phone, you can set an hour-long timer so it goes off every 60 minutes. And so when you wake up in the morning, you're going to wake up and you're going to set a 60-minute timer a couple minutes after waking up. Then what happens is 60 minutes later, your timer is going to go off.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And what I want you to do is I want you to have a notes tab in your phone. So say you wake up at 7 o'clock, right? You wake up at 7 a.m., your alarm goes off at 8, okay? So you're going to go to your notes tab and you're going to have an energy tracker inside of your phone.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And you're going to say from seven to eight, and you're going to rate yourself on a scale of one to 10, your energy and your focus over the past hour. So then your alarm, you're going to reset it from eight to nine. So it's going to go off at nine. You're going to rate on a scale of one to 10, what your energy was for the past hour. And you're going to do this every day for a week.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And what you'll start to notice is that your body has natural cycles that it goes through. And so you can start to plan your day. I'll tell you how I plan my day in just a minute and what my day looks like based off of how I know my energy is. And then what you're gonna do is you're gonna align different tasks with your energy levels.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
So now that you know, because you made the whole list and you did this for a week, now that you know your peaks and your dips, you're gonna match your tasks accordingly. So when you need to get really deep work done, which is like creative projects, problem solving, strategy, that's when you want to do it when your energy period is at its highest. So when is your energy at its highest?
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
That's when you're going to do the deep work, the problem solving, the creative stuff, the strategy. The medium energy periods is kind of like your routine work, which is emails, which is admin, which is meetings on Zoom, all of that. And then your low energy period is like rest and recovery.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
It could be movement, it could be fun, it could be rest, hanging out with the family, whatever it might be. And so, you know, you have to understand that the less amount of energy that you have, the less you're creating, you know, really good decisions. The more amount of energy you have, the better decisions you're making.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
There's actually a really interesting study that was done in 2011, and they actually looked at parole judges, and they found out that the judgments were significantly harsher right before their breaks and more lenient after their breaks. And the reason why is because they're working so much and they start to get decision fatigue.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And so their energy declined the more decisions that they were making. And then they ended up having way harsher judgments when their energy was down. And so their cognitive function went down as well. Then they took a break.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
their cognitive function went back up, they probably went through another cycle, and now they're in another higher energy of 90 minutes, and they ended up having more lenient decisions in those moments. And so if you want to do mentally demanding tasks, don't do it when your energy's low, because your performance is gonna suffer.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
But if time management alone were the answer, wouldn't everybody just be productivity machines by now? Yeah, but the real problem is not that you need more time. The real problem is that you probably need more energy. And not only do you need more energy, you need to get better at planning out your energy.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
So for me, I know after a decade of really paying attention to my energy, exactly what my energy is going to look like most days throughout the day. So from the time I wake up until about 9 a.m., I don't do anything work-related. I don't look at my phone, don't text me, don't email me. I'm not going to respond. My phone is usually off until about 9 a.m.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
That's just my hangout, family time, coffee, do the things that we want to do. all of that. 9 a.m. to noon, that's my creative time. So for me, I tend to be the most creative around 9 a.m. to noon. So that's where I will, you know, put down podcast ideas and start to write out like, okay, if I created a podcast, I don't plan out the podcast in this time. I start coming up with ideas.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
I start putting some bullet points down. Usually a really good time for me to start thinking about some of the ideas that I have in my business or to come up with creative ideas around solving business problems. It's more of my time to work on the business and on the podcast, but not in the business and in the podcast itself. So that's my more creative time. From noon until about 3, 3.30-ish,
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
If it's a recording day, like it is for me, from noon to 3.30, I'll usually plan out and record podcast episodes. If it's a coaching day, because I have three different programs, and I coach all of them on Zoom, there's Mindset 2.0, which is a 12-week course. There's Mindset University, which is a 12-month course.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And then there's Business Breakthrough, where I teach people how to grow their coaching businesses. All of those are on different days between noon and 3.30 for me. And so that's when I go live and I teach on Zoom. And then from 3.30 until 5 or 6, depending on the day, usually about 5, but sometimes I have to go over about 6. That's when I check in with the team.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
I will do my team Zooms and the things that don't require like my full brain. 6 p.m. at the latest, I'm done with work, family time, hanging out, I turn off completely from work. This is what I have found works best for me. And I found this through just basically doing trial and error. It's really important for us to have that.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you want to get some inspirational text messages, some mindset, some tips and tricks, some texts throughout the week, text me right now, 512-580-9305.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And it's really important also to have a disconnection time from work, from your business, whatever it is that you might have. Because your energy is not just about when you work. It's also about when you don't work and how you recharge. And so I take my energy super, super serious throughout the day. So when I'm done, like I'm done because I need rest as well.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And so rest can be like being away from work, being away from your job, going home, not answering emails, not working on the business 24-7. It's sleep. Like you should really pay attention to your sleep. I take my sleep very, very seriously as well. Sleep isn't just wasted time. Sleep is a... probably the biggest performance enhancer that exists.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
When you have poor sleep, you have weak focus, you're sluggish in your thinking, you're more stressed out. And there was a study that was done on sleep and cognitive performance in 2003 at the University of Pennsylvania. And they found out that people who only got, check this out, only got six hours of sleep per night for two weeks
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
did as poorly on cognitive tests as people who had been awake for 24 hours straight. So this is six hours a night for two weeks, performed as poorly on cognitive tests as those who had been awake for 24 hours. And so less sleep equals less brain power, no matter how much coffee you drink, whatever, how many cold plunges you jump into.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And you need to plan out your energy with the natural cycles of your body throughout the day, which just FYI is different for every single person.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Another thing that's really important besides sleep is to move your body to reset your brain. When you sit all day long, your brain, your energy just tanks. And so it's important to move about every 90 minutes, about every cycle. Even if it's just for a five minute walk that boosts your mood and your focus. Like I'm one of those weird people now over the past month.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
I became one of those weird people who has a treadmill desk now. So sue me. I guess that's who I've become. You know, I'm approaching 40. So I guess I get a treadmill desk. But what I've found is that when I'm sitting for a while, my brain starts to kind of after a little bit, an hour, hour and a half, it starts to kind of slow down a little bit. So I disconnect in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
And then I realized that I can get a lot of my work done when I'm planning podcast episodes, when I'm on a Zoom call, whatever it might be. And I can be walking at the same time, which keeps my energy up as well. And then the other thing that's obviously very, very important is the food that you have.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
So for me, the majority of the time, what I found that works best for me, and this is just mine, I found it works best for many other people, but it depends on who you are, your body type, all that. It works best for me if I wake up in the morning and I have coffee and then I don't eat. I have the most energy if I don't eat until three or four o'clock. And it's not the most fun thing in the world.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Like my stomach still growls, but I found that my brain is just on hyper-focus when I haven't been eating. And the reason why is because no matter what it is that you eat, any digestion requires energy. And digestion is most energy consuming thing that your body does. And so for me, I get all of my calories after 4 p.m. And I'm completely fine with it. I'm still alive. It's pretty wild.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
Do you ever notice like if you have a day where for some reason you wake up, you feel really well rested, you have your cup of coffee, you feel like you have a lot of energy, you wanna run through a wall, and you're like, you know what, I'm gonna sit down, I'm gonna be productive. And in two hours, you crank out more than you have in an entire day with low energy.
The Mindset Mentor
The One Productivity System You Need
But what I've found that works the best for me. If I do get really hungry, I'll have bone broth. And that's about it with some salt in it. And so it's different for every single person. You have to kind of test it out. But for me, my energy is so important because I believe so much in what I do in the world. If I have less energy, then that's going to take a lot away from it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So if you would share it, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And... With that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
The good news is life is not supposed to be that boring. It's not that boring. The truth is you are that boring. If your life is that boring, you're the reason why. And the good part about it is that you can fix it. So before you, you know, turn this off or throw your phone with me across the room, stick with me because if lately your life feels like a never-ending loop of meh,
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
then you can do something about it. And that's what we're gonna be talking about today is the four different reasons why your life is so boring. And then for each reason your life is so boring, how to actually go and fix it, okay? Let's dive into it. So the first one is that you might have become a passive participant in your own life.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
I see this with so many people where you just kind of keep doing the same thing over and over again. You're so routine, you're so... It's so many habits that you just kind of become passively living in your own life. Like routine, more than anything else, has become your ruler. And routines can be very powerful. They give you structure. They can automate decisions. They can help you function.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
And if you're out there and you want to learn how to brainwash yourself to create the life that you want, not what society wants you to want, not what your parents want you to want, any of that, but what you want, I created a video lesson that is a morning priming technique to teach you how to brainwash yourself
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
If you have the routine of going to the gym five times a week, that's a good thing. If you have the routine of coming home, eating some Hot Pockets and scrolling on your phone, probably not the best routine to have.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
But when your routine turns to autopilot and you stop actually living and you just kind of exist, like you're just kind of using the air in your house, that's not really where you wanna be. So if your life feels too repetitive, it's probably because you've stopped actively participating in your own life. I've been there before. I know what it feels like. It sucks.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
where you're just kind of doing the same thing over and over. And I've woken up at some point in time, been like, is this it? Like, this can't be all of life. And so now you might just be passively watching your life go by. And what you need to do is you need to find something that excites you. anything. You need to find something that pushes you in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
You need to find something that feels like it's starting to wake your soul up again. Because right now you might just be coasting and you need to stop. I say a lot of times it's like the way I see most people living their life is if you just got on a boat, a sailboat, and you just kind of pushed off the dock and you're like, well, let's just see where the winds take me.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Let's see where the tides take me. And you're just floating from one place to another that you never even really want to be it in the first place when you don't even realize you can literally start steering the boat yourself. And so what I recommend for you is this week, shake things up a little bit. Like small changes in your life disrupt the monotony of every single day.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
It can be super simple, like taking a completely different way to work, even if it takes a little bit longer. Or ordering something new at your favorite restaurant. I know how it is. I'm one of those people who goes to my favorite restaurant.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
I order the same damn thing every single time because if I don't get the thing that I wanted and I get something that's not as good, I'm so disappointed because I could have just gotten the thing that I know is a home run. Order something new at your go-to restaurant or go to a brand new restaurant. Switch up your morning routine. Try something different.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Read a new type of book that's about something you've never thought of before. The tiniest shifts in your routine, in your days, can wake up your brain because your brain is on such autopilot. And if it wakes your brain up a little bit, it makes your life start to feel a little bit more fresh again. Take a weekend trip to a nearby town. Get an Airbnb at a place that's two hours from you.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
If you don't have money for the Airbnb, drive out to a town that you've never been to before. Try a new restaurant. Find a new local band to listen to. Try a new hiking trail. Just do something different. Get yourself out of your comfort zone. You know, what's something that you have been wanting to do? It's been in the back of your mind that kind of scares you a little bit.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
to create the life that you want and to think the way that you want and to believe the way that you want as well. So if you want to get that absolutely free, go to morningpriming.com right now. Once again, morningpriming.com right now and get the video lesson for free. Today, we're going to be talking about why your life is so boring. And we're also going to talk about how to fix it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Like it kind of gives you some butterflies. Maybe you've been like, maybe I want to try skydiving. Maybe you want to go high speed go-kart racing. Maybe you want to try public speaking. Something that's pushing you a little bit more. Because if you're not growing, you're dying. And it ain't time for you to die yet.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Your life, and one of the reasons why I think life is amazing is because we're supposed to have experiences. And there's so many experiences for you to have in your life, but you've just been doing the same thing over and over again. And chances are you haven't been experiencing anything new recently.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
And when you don't experience anything new, it just, you know, kind of feels like the same thing every single day. So I want you to think about this. What's one thing that you can do this week that's outside of your normal routine? try it out and just switch out of the same normal routine you've been doing all of the time. So that's the first thing.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
The second thing is there's a chance that you're living someone else's script. So whose life are you actually living? Have you ever asked yourself this question? Are you living your life or are you living someone else's life? Maybe your life feels boring because it isn't your life. It's what you think society wants of you. It's what you thought your parents wanted of you.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Maybe it's your old past self wanted this. You know, your old past self got that degree. And now 10 years later, you're like, I don't like this job. This sucks. It's okay. It's okay to grow out of something. You know, you don't wear the same underwear that you did 10 years ago. Doesn't mean you have to have the same job that you had 10 years ago if you have grown out of it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
You know, it's not your job to just keep living the same old life if it feels like you've grown out of it. And so maybe there's some old past self that thinks you should have done this or some random expectation when someone told you that this was the right path. But deep down...
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
For some reason, even though you were told it feels right, like it was right, it doesn't feel right deep down inside of you. So maybe you've lived your life based off of what you felt was obligation instead of passion. Based off of what you thought you should do versus what you actually want to do. And I want you to realize this, boredom is your soul's way of saying, hey, this isn't it.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Like your body is always sending you signals. Like if you eat, you know, if you go out for Taco Tuesday and you get home and you got a rumbling in your tummy, that's your body's way of saying, hey. yeah, what you ate you probably shouldn't have, and it's time to hit the eject button, right?
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
If you're sitting there and you're bored and you're just every single day just like, this sucks, and you're getting more anxious and depressed of it, that's your soul, your body's way of being like, hey, dude, hey, this isn't it. Do something different already. Your body can't say words to you, but it's saying something to you every time you feel something. And so how do you fix it? Ask yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Are you living your own life or are you living somebody else's? You know, if you think about this, if money wasn't an issue, how would you spend your days? And we will be right back. And now back to the show. How would you spend your days? If money was an issue, what would you do with your time? What sounds fun to you?
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Let's get real. If you're here, if you're listening to this, chances are you might have felt this subtle, gnawing sense of boredom creeping into your life. Or you might just all out have the sense of boredom living in your house at this point. It might be because you just wake up
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
You know, you might say, oh, I would be in Mexico drinking margaritas on the beach. You'd only do that for a little bit of time. And then you'd be like, this is boring now too. I want to do something that lights me up. What is the thing that would light you up? If your current reality doesn't align, start making small shifts towards what excites you. So that's the second thing.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
The third reason why your life might be boring is because you just stopped being curious. Like you just stopped doing new things and learning new things and asking questions. Like where's your sense of wonder? Have you ever been around a three-year-old? They just ask why a hundred times because they're so curious. Have you ever seen how much fun a three-year-old has as well?
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Because everything's new. Everything's fun. They're always trying to learn more. Boredom isn't just a lack of things to do sometimes. Sometimes it's just a lack of curiosity. Like your life feels boring, maybe because you've stopped seeking what's exciting. Like you need to go out and actually get it. Excitement doesn't just come to you. You have to go out and get excitement.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Remember being a kid, everything was new. Everything was a game. Everything was interesting. I want you to understand that when you became an adult, that part of you didn't die. It's just been buried under obligations and under routines and under all of these things that you quote unquote should do. All these shoulds, right? You need to stop shoulding all over yourself. Oh, I should do this.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
I should do this. I should be further along in my life. I should have done that with my life. I should have said that to her. Get over it. Go do something different. That little kid, that little exciting kid still lives inside of you. He or she has been sitting there in the corner, in the dark, just waiting for you to flip the light on and play with them again. What do they want to do?
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Think about that for a second and pick one thing that you can explore this week. Find a hobby, whether it's a new hobby or whether it's a hobby you haven't done in a few years. Find a different place you've never been to. Find a book that you've never read. Find a concept that you want to learn about. Stop waiting. Like plan the trip that you want to go on.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Sign up for that class where you want to learn how to do pottery. Stop saying no. Say yes to more things. When your friends call you and say, hey, do you want to go do this? And you're like, no. No, because I don't want to get off the couch because I'm just a lazy piece of shit, right? Don't be that way. Get up and do something.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
If you're going to normally say no to somebody, just say yes and just see what happens. Because no one's going to come to shake up your life. You realize that? You have to be your own catalyst. And I understand. I get it. Sitting on the couch, it's so much easier. But you won't be sad when you go out and do something new with new people, with your friends, and have some fun.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
You'll come back and you'll be a little bit more tired from all the energy that you use, but you're gonna be like, damn it, you know what? I'm actually glad that I did that. So try to feed your curiosity like you would if you had a child that you had to take care of this weekend. If you had a child that you had to take care of this weekend and you couldn't stay in the house,
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
You had to take them and go do something. What would you do with them? What would you go discover? What kind of fun could you discover with them? So have fun. Stop being a boring adult. Stop being so old and so boring. Life doesn't have to be boring. You don't have to just sit back and wait for it to be exciting. You have to go out and actually create the excitement. So that's number three.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
And you go to work and you come home and you watch some Netflix shows and you scroll endlessly on your phone and you sleep and you repeat and you do it over and over and over again. And after a while, you're sitting there and you're like, hey, is this it? Is this is this all that there is in life? Is life this boring that I'm supposed to do the same shit every single day, day in, day out? No. No.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
And number four is there's a pretty good chance that you're consuming more than you're creating. I recommend that you stop scrolling and you start living. Your life is not the six inches in front of your face where you're holding your phone. Your life is everything that's beyond those six inches in front of your face. We live in a very entertainment saturated world.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
It is very easy just to get sucked into it where you can fill every single empty moment with social media or with streaming or with Netflix or mindless distractions. You get that, right? Like those are all mindless distractions. They're literally made to be mindless distractions to sit back and passively watch and live your life. But there's nothing wrong with consuming content.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
I don't want you to think that. But consuming doesn't create fulfillment. Like I've never seen somebody get off of TikTok and be like, my soul feels so fulfilled. You know what feels fulfilling? What creates excitement is creating. The happiest people in the world don't just consume content. They create things. They make things. They write. They paint. They build new things. They learn.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
They go out and they create new things. Children, I always like to go back to children to like rediscover who we truly are. Children are constantly creating. They're constantly making these new universes. You give them a little bit of paint, they'll paint on anything. They'll create anything and they'll see something that doesn't exist.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
I believe truly that deep down inside every single human, I believe that every single human is a creator. I don't believe that a person cannot quote unquote be creative. Like, oh, I'm not creative. No, believe me, you're creative. It's probably just been so long since you've used your creativity that it's lying somewhere dormant deep down inside of you, but it wants to come out.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
So I would recommend that you spend less time scrolling, spend less time in front of screens, spend more time creating anything. I don't really care what it is. What can you create? So instead of watching someone else live their lives online or someone else get ready and put on clothes or someone else put on makeup, like. Do it yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Put on your own clothes, put on your makeup and get the hell out the door and go create something with yourself. Start creating your own life. What can you create? What sounds fun to you? What's something that you want to try? And so I want you to understand that boredom is a signal. It's not a life sentence. So if you're sitting there like, damn, I've been really bored lately.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Whenever something happens like boredom, we think we're going to be bored forever. Boredom is not a life sentence. It's a signal. It's your brain. It's your body. It's your soul saying, hey, this ain't it. We need to do something different. So if you're feeling stuck, if you're feeling bored, if you're feeling uninspired, that is a wake-up call for you to do something different.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Boredom isn't the actual problem. Boredom is the symptom. The real problem is that you've been so passive and routined in your life that it's turned into a prison for you. But you're the one with the key. So today, right now, as you're listening to this, I want you to choose one thing from this list of all the stuff that I've talked about to do something different.
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
What's the one thing that you're gonna commit that by the end of this week, you're gonna do? And if you can do it today, please do it today. If you're on your drive home and you're like, you know what, I haven't painted in a while. Look on your phone, is there a paint store? Is there a Walmart, a Target that you can go get some paint and just try some new things out?
The Mindset Mentor
Why Your Life is So Boring (And How to Fix It!)
Just try something different today if you can. Stop acting so old and boring and quote unquote adult-y. Just go out and have some fun already because your life doesn't have to be boring. You're the one that needs to change it though. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
It was that you were actually meeting me where I was and you weren't giving more. And one of the things that he had said is, Rob, it's your job is to try to open up a little bit more in the relationship and to try to be more open and allow yourself to be more open. And Lauren, you need to teach him how to love.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And how do you think that shifted things for you? And then also shifted things in our relationship.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And we're going to be talking about what is love. This is going to be a deep, deep conversation. And Lauren and I are going to give our perspectives, which feel right for us, but doesn't mean that it's internationally right for every single person.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Like a while. It wasn't like a week or two. It was like slowly over years.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah. And that's a really important part, which is, uh, that I want everyone to kind of know is that if you're not conscious of of the stories going on in your head, you're never really in a full relationship with somebody. You're in a relationship that the image of them, you're in a relationship with the image that you built of them in your head.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And in fact, you're not even fully in a relationship with that image. You're in a relationship with the image of yourself that you've built in your head. And so that might not make any sense. And I'll give people context of exactly what I mean. So there might be something where it's like, we've all done this before. It's like, I want to say something, right?
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
But if I say this, she's going to say this back to me and then I'm going to say this to her and then it's going to turn into this thing. And we basically make an entire story in our head.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And it's not that I am in relation with you. I'm making a image of me in my head of how I'm going to react. I'm making an image of you of how you're going to react. And I'm making a whole story of how those two images are going to react versus actually just coming to you and being a certain way. And so you were thinking probably, and you can let me know if I'm incorrect is like, okay, consciously.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yes. I want to open myself up and I want to be show Rob more love. I want to be more vulnerable with him. Um, But if I do, well, he's probably not going to fully open up back to me. And if he isn't fully open back to me, then I'm going to be the one that's going to get hurt. And if I'm not, it's going to get hurt. Then I'm going to act this way. And I might say this thing to him.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And so literally in reality, I'm still might be sitting there like, Hey, I'm over here and I might just be hanging out, working, doing whatever it is. But there's a whole story that's going on in your head that's actually getting in the way of us as two humans connecting.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
I think another key part of that that's really important too is, you know, I've heard people say, and we've talked about it many times, like, you know, I'm into working on myself. I'm into personal development and this person I'm in a relationship with is not. And one of the things I think I've really become, I've come to terms with the most as of recently is,
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Someone doesn't have to have the same interests as you, but what the most important aspect is, is that they are putting in the effort to, if there is a problem, they're putting in actual effort to try to overcome that problem together with you.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And I think that that's one thing that, that shifted a lot for our relationship is that whenever there was something that came up, I think we've both brought it up to each other. We've gotten better at communicating, of course.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
But also at the same time, as we both started working on each other, like we started working on ourselves, I feel like the relationship got a whole lot easier because we realized that it's almost never the other person's fault. It's usually our reaction to that person that ends up being their fault.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Sure. Yeah. And so, so Lauren, welcome to the podcast again. Nice to see you. Thanks. We're recording this on the same day. So we're in the same clothes for those of you guys that are watching us on YouTube. We're wearing the same thing because it's the same day. But we're going to talk about love. And this is a topic that I think is really good to dive into. And I can't talk.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah, sure. And I think that one of the things that's important too, and I love to hear your perspective on this is when we're talking about building the image of somebody in your head and what's going to happen and the whole thing. One of the things that I found with you that really shifted was you started working yourself to get out of your head so much and more into your heart.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
So you started actually like being like, well, I want to get into my heart. I want to get into my body. I want to start to, to feel things. And you years ago used to three, four years ago used to say like, you were, you never told me how mean you were to yourself in your head. And then became real. You were like, I'm going to tell you.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And you started telling me, I was like, damn, you, you suck in your head to yourself. Like you were just such an asshole. And then you started going on this, this, this journey of like self love.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And you started working on yourself. And I actually, now that we're speaking about it, I don't know. We've never actually spoken to this. I think our relationship became better. As you actually started working on loving yourself more. Right.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
What did, what did that journey look like for you, for people who are out there that are struggling with self-love or they are too negative to themselves in their heads?
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
I mean, I could talk about it by myself, but it makes a lot more sense if I have my wife, who I've been with for over 10 years, who has helped me get better at discovering and figuring out what love is.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
So for someone else who's not good with self-love, what was the practice like when you would notice that pop up? Did you have something that you would do or go back to?
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
That's awesome. Yeah. And I think it's that's a big piece of like getting out of your head and getting into your heart, because I don't think your true self. There's like our true self, which is who we come into this world as. And there's our conditioned self, which is who we've built ourself into being based off of.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And Lauren loves love. And so we entered into the relationship with completely different experiences of life. And so let's start off with you. When you think about love, I want you to share yours. And I know that your dad used to ask you a question when you used to go to bed every single night. So if you could share that with the audience, we could start off there.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
all the programmings and patterns and what our parents want us to be and what society wants to be and what beliefs say to us. And we reprogram ourselves and we accidentally program ourselves. And basically what it comes down to is you went, you were in your head so much. You're like, I'm going to get into my heart and your heart.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
If you ever get into your heart is not going to, your heart's not an asshole. No, your head's the asshole, right? Oh, for sure. It can be the asshole depending on who you are and how you're raised. And, um, you, you kind of got a little bit more into your heart. And, and I think that that actually shifted a lot of stuff for you because I think that,
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Now that we're talking about it, I think that a lot of times, like, because of the fact that you were so mean to yourself, there wasn't like an underlying agitation that was always there.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And that would kind of show up in our relationship where it would be like, you'd be very short-fused and you'd want to blow up about something. Yeah. you would make a story about something. And so actually, I think that actually shifted a lot in our relationship when you started shifting your internal story within yourself.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And I think that it comes back to when we talk about love and we talk about acceptance is What I have found with most people is that what we're usually searching for in the external world is actually what we're searching for in ourself. And so if someone's sitting out there like, well, I want someone to love me or I want my husband to accept me or I want my girlfriend to accept me more.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Sure, that's a piece of it. But there's also a difference of going, okay, what do I want from them? I want them to accept me more. Do I accept myself more? Yeah, I accept myself. Okay. Do I accept all aspects of myself? Oh shit. Maybe I don't. Do I love myself? Oh fuck. I don't know if I do. I think I do. Maybe I do.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And so it's, it's really about going, okay, if, if I can actually learn to love and accept myself more for all aspects of who I am, the good sides of me and the quote unquote bad sides of me, and I can go, I'm just going to love and accept all of it. You don't even have to love all of it. Just accept all of it.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Because what I believe is that we have built ourselves into being who we think we need to be in order to survive, in order to fit in, in order to be what we're supposed to be in society, whatever it might be. And in turn, what we do is we build ourself into kind of a different person than we truly are.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And I think that the problem with self-love is that, and the reason why it's so hard is because our true self doesn't accept our conditioned self. Right. And if you can't accept them to something, you can't truly love it. And I think that the true state of a human is love.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
But we get in our own way because there's aspects of ourself that we don't like and we don't accept. And so I think what's really important is if we truly do want to love somebody. then we truly actually need to figure out a way to love ourself because we can't give anything that we don't have.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, when you're in your head, you're almost never here, like physically here.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Right. You're not present. You're in the future. You're in the past. You're in a story that you've made up. But the only thing that's actually physically here in this present moment is your body. And so if you ever want to come back and be present, you can always go back to the body.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Another aspect that I think is important as far as love goes is I think that many people love their significant other the way that they were loved by their parents. And that's all good and dandy, except for I have found from coaching thousands of people that most people
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
are unconsciously trained by their parents to be what the parent wants them to be by retracting love when they don't act the way that they want them to act. And so I think what happens with a lot of people is they get into a relationship with somebody and they want that person to be different.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And they want to change that person into what they want them to be versus saying, I accept you as you are, whatever it is that you want to be. And once again, we're not perfect in any sort of way at all. But I think one thing that we have done really well in our relationship with is we've never actually really tried to change each other.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah. And, you know, like when I first started the podcast, I had the idea for the podcast in 2015. And I told you in Jason's Deli, like I remember the exact moment.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
You wouldn't be like you were like, OK, cool. And podcasts were like nothing back then. Like there are some podcasts, but it wasn't like it is now. Like they weren't all over the place like they are.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And I was like, I'm gonna start a podcast. And you're like, cool. But I've been in relationships before where I've been like, hey, I'm going to start a podcast. And they'd be like, why? That's dumb. That's a waste of your time. You're not going to make any money. And people immediately go to bashing that thing. And I think that's one thing that we've done really well.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
You have an interest for painting. So I've been like, you know what? I'm going to buy her painting supplies and try to help her get better at painting. And so...
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
I think that's one really big piece of being in love with somebody is seeing them as they are as a human who, if they're an adult, they're really just a child that isn't fully healed from childhood and from traumas and saying they're just a child that's wounded, that needs some help, that needs some love, that needs some acceptance.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
in an adult's body and they have interests and they have things they want to do. And I'm going to try my best to accept them as they are and try to help them with whatever it is that needs to be healed by just holding them in a space of acceptance, no matter what.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah. And also, why would you want to judge people, too? You know, like, yeah.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Exactly. Yeah. Like none of us are perfect. Like the thing that I always try to do. And if you guys want to to try to not judge people as much because it's something I've worked on with myself. I know you've worked on as well. Yeah.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
I want to love and accept people more is go back to the fact that once again, Lauren just said is everybody is doing the best with what they have, even if it doesn't seem like they are. If they could do better, they would be doing better.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And I think one of the important things to realize is that is going back to the whole thing of like, I do having worked with so many people over this time, try to look at everybody as just a child in a grownup's body and realize, yeah, I realized like what happened? Like we were driving the other day and we were in LA and
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Uh, I saw a homeless lady that was, you know, definitely on drugs and, you know, leaned over and, and I was like, man, she was, she was 40 years old, 30 years old. I don't know how old she was. And I was like, man, what happened to that little girl?
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And if you can start to see people in that way versus not the adult that's in front of you, uh, not the, I mean, when you see a very aggressive guy, that's like an asshole, uh, What you're seeing is a kid who's really scared and something happened that made him so... He's just a little boy that's wounded and hasn't grown out of it. He hasn't been accepted.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
He hasn't been able to figure out... He hasn't seen acceptance from other people. He hasn't seen acceptance to figure out how to accept himself and how to start loving himself. And I think if people just want to develop a deeper relationship with everyone around them, but also specifically someone that they're in a relationship with, it's like, hey...
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah, this is a little girl, a little boy that's still just trying their best because nobody in this world has it figured out. Everyone is just bumping into walls in the dark trying to figure out what the hell they're supposed to do in this life. And the more that you can start to see people from that perspective, I think it makes it a whole lot easier to accept people.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Sure. You don't have to know everything that's going on. So then let's wrap it up with this. Let me ask you the question that we started off with in the title of this episode. Give me a short answer. What is love?
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah. And so, uh, coming from, from that, when you first came into our relationship, um, what was your view on love? What did you think that it was? What is love? What was love at that point in time for you?
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
I would agree with you. I would say love is the state that is natural for all of us when we can get past the judgment of ourselves and the judgment of others.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
That's a good one. All right. All right, everybody. That's what we got for you for today. Um, if you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in at Rob Dial Jr. R O B D I A L J R. You can tag Lauren in it too. She is on Instagram. It is Lauren Pena Dial.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And, um, if you guys want us to keep doing episodes like this, if you have any questions that you want us to answer, whether that be with relationships, love life, um, Dogs. Dogs, spiritual development, any of those things. Lauren is also a coach and has been a coach now for four years and has her own clients and all of that as well.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
You can go to askrobandlauren.com and you can just put your questions there. And hopefully we can do more of these. And I just want to give you guys a different perspective.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Um, instead of just me being the guy who's teaching directly to you all the time, I want to see if I can, you know, give you some other perspectives and kind of see behind the scenes of what's going on in my mind, what's going on in my life, what's going on in my relationships. And, uh, once again, it's, it's ask Robin Lauren.com.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And, uh, I'll just say this, the more detailed your question, the more thorough your question, the more thorough our answers can be. So if you can give us some more context that would help whatever it might be. So, um, That's what we got for you for today. I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And seeing that it is Valentine's Day today when this comes out, I thought it'd be really good for us to talk about love. And my wife, Lauren, and I, we talk about our own personal definitions of what love is. We talk about in this episode the difference of what love is versus being in love. So like what it's like to love somebody versus being in love with somebody.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
We appreciate you. I appreciate you. And we hope that you have an amazing day.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah. And so my perspective was definitely different with my dad not being around and my father being an alcoholic. And so I never felt like I wasn't loved. But I would say that, you know, it was definitely a different perspective that we both brought into a relationship. And I want to talk about and share our perspectives now that we're in this relationship.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And we had a conversation a couple months ago. And we were talking about a friend in a relationship. And you said, you know... oh yeah, but she really loves him. And I said, yeah, but is she in love with him? And then we had this deep conversation about what's the difference between love, like loving somebody versus being in love with somebody.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And so I gave you my definition and I don't think you gave me your definition because I think we arrived at home and then we went on to something else. So I'll give my definition in a second. But what do you think from your perspective is the difference between loving somebody and being in love with somebody?
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
We talk about the journey that we have both been on, especially Lauren and her self-love journey where she used to have a really negative self-talk and how she learned to love herself more and accept herself more and how that changed many aspects of herself and her world. We also talk about
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah, I would agree with you on a lot of that. And the thing that I had said to you that has over the past couple of months kind of matured in my mind, if I started to get deeper into it, is I think that there's definitely a lot of people that I love. But I think when you're in love with somebody, I think there's an aspect of realizing that there are parts of myself that
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
From childhood, from growing up, from other relationships and heartbreaks that has not been fully healed. And you make me feel safe enough to be able to work on those things with you.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And I think that that's what I've come to realize is that I think that, and I was in, we were in LA last week and I was, I was on Matthew Hussey's podcast and he, you know, has a podcast called Love Life and he is a dating coach and stuff. And we were talking about this and I said, I think that one of the highest reasons for being in a relationship with somebody is I'm working on myself and
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
I'm trying to love and accept myself even more and trying to become a more evolved version of myself. But I think that there's still some aspects of myself for most people where I can like, when someone's working on self-love, like they can get, if they're working really hard, like 95% there, but there's still about 5% where it's like,
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Uh, yeah, but if they only knew how, whatever I am, then maybe they won't accept me. And so a lot of people don't get fully, truly vulnerable with somebody because they think if she only knew this about me, she wouldn't want to be with me if he only knew this about me. And so they, they open up almost fully, but they don't fully open up.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
i think when you're like truly fully in love with somebody is when you can say here's all of me and i feel safe to be vulnerable because vulnerable if you look at the actual root word of the word vulnerable it's vonar which means in greek um to be injured so like open to be injured in some sort of way yeah i think it's about like even if you're somebody who's working hardcore on yourself of loving yourself accepting yourself you'll get like 95 there and sometimes we need to see somebody else
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
accept all of us and still love us for us to be able to go, yeah, maybe I can love that extra 5% of myself. And I think that sometimes just having that person reflect love for who we are and accept us and not try to change us.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Um, that person, and it's one of the highest senses of what we can be in a relationship for is that person can help us heal ourselves by showing us what it looks like to accept and love ourselves.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
uh vulnerability in a relationship how to break down emotional walls and also how to have empathy and understanding for other people and to be able to love other people even people that you're not in a romantic relationship with and how to have empathy and understanding for other people as well and how to love other people even ones that you're not in a romantic relationship with
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah, I would agree with you. And I think that, you know, I think that I have come to realize that Hollywood has really screwed up a lot of things for a lot of people is because we think, I think that we can fuse love with lust, like sweep me off my feet and I'm head over heels and like you complete me.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode of this podcast. This is a replay of an episode that I did with my wife just over a year ago where we actually talk about love.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And I don't, I personally, this is my opinion, don't believe that any other person completes another person. I think that we have to complete ourselves.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And then we try to bring, so I don't see it as like, I bring, I'm 50% me and Lauren's 50% her. And together we make a hundred percent of a great relationship. The way I see it is like, I'm a hundred percent working on myself and trying to get to a hundred percent of potential of Rob and healed Rob. Yeah.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Lauren's working on herself to be a hundred percent of heal Lauren, the best version of herself. And we both bring the best version of ourselves, uh, to the relationship because I think a Looking for somebody to fill a void versus just saying like, hey, I'm going to show up as the best version of myself and bring that to the relationship.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
It's almost like when you look at some people's attachment styles as they attach to somebody else because of the fact that they're looking for that person to complete a part of them that doesn't feel whole or feels like there's a void in some sort of way.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah. And I think when you look at the phrase like in love, um, like I've heard people, I heard a coach that I follow say this before and he was saying, you know, someone asked him like, Hey,
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
you know how you been and he's like I'm in love and they're like oh with who and he's like I'm not in love with anybody I mean I'm in a state of love and so what I think it is is that when you're with somebody who you are in love with is they bring out a state of you that exists inside of you that's been there forever that might just have been dormant for a very long time and they make you realize that you don't have to have your walls up you don't have to feel unsafe and
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
You don't have to feel like there's something wrong with you, but we can be in a state of love together. And anybody I think can bring out love for you. And you can, you don't have to be like, I'm in love with you, but I can be in a state of love and try to bring that love to anyone that I go and I meet.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
But being with you and seeing you accept me and me accepting myself through you accepting me too, makes me go, you know what? What if I'm just in a state of love more? And when I go and I, you know, the cashier asked me how my day's doing. I try to bring that state of love to try to impact him or her. Not so I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm in love with him.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
But it's like, I just want to bring a state of love to them, which maybe impacts them and changes their day in some sort of way. And they can bring it to another person.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And then last, we talk about how to encourage your partner to grow and to evolve and to become better so that you can both grow and evolve in your relationship as well. So in this special Valentine's Day, this is the episode of What is Love with my wife, Lauren. Hope you enjoy it. I have a special guest with me back for round two. I have my wife, Lauren, who's going to be with me today.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
And we will be right back. And now back to the show. I'm curious your thoughts on it. The thoughts on being vulnerable, because this is something that we've worked on together, where I had trouble with being vulnerable. You definitely had trouble with being vulnerable. But my even more trouble with being vulnerable made you have more trouble with being vulnerable.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
So I'm curious your thoughts on how it's progressed for you, how it's changed through our relationship with the aspect of just being able to be truly vulnerable with me.
The Mindset Mentor
What is Love?
Yeah, and I remember him saying he was like, and for those of you guys, John was a therapist that we saw together about two and a half years into our relationship. And you, you know, me being having less capacity at that point in time to be vulnerable and not really knowing as much about what love was or feeling it as much. You kind of met me where I was versus being in your natural state.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
I am committed today to working my ass off to make more money. I am committed to taking the actions necessary to make more money in my bank account in the future. I am committed to losing 40 pounds over the next 12 months. Even though I've never done it before, I'm going to change the person who I am to make sure that I do that.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And so it's not about like sitting there and meditating and just imagining the money coming into your bank account. It's how can you make a true present tense and empowering. Today, I am committed to taking the action I need to in order to make more money in my bank.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
Today, I am committed to making the action I need to, to make my children feel like I love them, to make them feel more love that I maybe haven't been giving them over the past couple of years because I've been so busy working. And so it's literally about how can you make a true empowering and present tense
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
Because when it's true, you might not have money in your bank account right now, but I will take the action today to eventually bring more money into my bank account. Because usually money doesn't immediately come to you. It's like a lagging indicator of the actions you've taken in the past.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
So today I'm going to take the actions I need to, knowing that the money will be coming to me at some point in time.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
Yeah, so when I look at procrastinating, I remember I was talking with one of my salespeople and we were talking about this lady and he's like, well, I was like, so what was her problem when you had the sales call? And the problem, he said, was she procrastinates too much. And I said, that's not the problem. And what's the problem? And he's like, what do you mean?
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And I was like, the problem is not procrastination. The problem is a symptom of a cause. And so it's like, for instance, it's the downstream effect of something else. Procrastination is almost always the downstream effect of identity or fear.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And that's really what it comes down to is the reason why you're procrastinating is because you either don't think that you can do it, or you're procrastinating because you're afraid of something else that's coming in the future. If I were to be able to like, if we had a light switch on the side, like a little switch on the side of our head, and we could turn off like our amygdala,
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
of the thing that creates fears in our brain, and we just say, okay, I have no fear, I can just take action, everybody would have the life that they want to. Nobody would procrastinate, right? And so it really comes down to that. That's the first thing is the fears and identity. And the other thing is the reason why somebody is doing something.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And so one of my things, when I used to give a lot of talks, I used to love doing this, is I would say, You know, you go into a company and everyone makes like $40,000, $50,000, $75,000 a year, $100,000 a year. And I would sit in front of people and I would say, everybody here, what is the percent? This is very drastic.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
I know everybody who's listening, but this is very drastic for you to be able to hear, right? I would say, hey, what's the percentage chance of you making a million dollars in the next 12 months? And everyone would be like, 0%, 0%. I would say legally, too. Right, right, right. A million dollars legally, like not go sell drugs, but a million dollars legally in the next 12 months.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And people will be like 0%, 0%, 1%, 2%. There'd always be like one person who really believes in himself. They're like 5%. And I said, okay, let me change it up just a little bit. What's the percentage chance of you making a million dollars this year? And if you don't, everyone that you love dies. Everybody goes, a thousand percent, a hundred percent, a hundred percent, a hundred percent.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And I said, hold on then. The timeframe didn't change. The goal didn't change. What changed is that you actually care. You actually have a why behind it. And I would say, would you ever, if your children's life, if your wife's life, your mother's life depended on it, would you procrastinate? No, you wouldn't.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
You would just do what needs to be done because the fear of losing them is greater than the fear of being judged or the fear of failure. Right. And so I think that procrastination is never the problem.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
It's always the downstream effect of something else, which is either they don't have a why that's strong enough, their identity is holding them back from thinking that they can't be a person that can achieve it, or they have too many fears that are just holding them back from taking it.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
Yeah. And you can make money when it's all about you. Yes. Many people do it. Doesn't mean you're going to be happy. Right. That's usually the problem, right? Because you get to a point, I mean, how many, this is what I really think about all the time is that how many successful people, and it's so sad, get to being ridiculously successful and then commit suicide?
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
Like there's many that have done it. And so, you know, there could be mental health issues to that. But I think a lot of them think when I get to the top of the mountain, then I'll finally be happy. But it's always about like, it's not the top of the mountain. It's not the destination that's gonna make you happy. It's about finding your happiness in the journey to get you to where you wanna be.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And if someone's like, I wanna make money for me, you can definitely do it. There's definitely people in this world that do that. But what I've found that was really surprising to me is that some of the most successful people I know are the most giving people I know. And it's almost as if,
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
God of the universe has been like, hey, I trust you because I've seen that you're a good steward of this money. You're a good steward of what I've been giving to you. I'm going to give you more of it. Let's talk about money real quick because that I think is important. This is a way I could give it as an analogy, right? Let's say you have a toy and you have two different children, right?
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
You have child A and you give him like a red toy truck. And he's like, red? I hate red. This is blue. My favorite color is blue. And it's like trucks. I don't even like trucks. I like cars. And you're like, well, I don't have any other toys. And he's like, fine.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And he goes and plays with it, and he messes with it, and he slams it into other toys, and complains about how it's not the one that he wanted. And then when it's time to go eat, he leaves his toys all over the place, right? Say that's child A. Child B might be the exact, blue might be the favorite color.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
Red, red, sorry, blue might be the favorite color, and they might like cars more than they like trucks, right? But you give it to him and he says, thank you. And he goes and plays with it and he plays with it nicely. And when another kid comes up, he shares, oh, can I play with your toy? Yeah, here you go. And the other kid was like, the kid comes up, he's like, no, this is my truck, right?
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
He's like, yeah, you can play with it. Then when it becomes time to go to dinner, they take their toys and they put them away. If you had the option, the next time you have a toy, who would you give it to? You'd give it to the kid who took care of it, right? Was grateful, appreciated it. Shared it, took care of it, was a good steward of it.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
Now imagine we flip that and God is the one who has the toy. The toy is money and it's either your person A or your person B. Most people, when they get their paycheck, I was this person for years. I get my paycheck and be like... It's still not enough. It's not enough. And I'm literally, from the moment I see my paycheck, bringing in negative energy towards money.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And I'm like, it's still not enough. It's not as much as I want. I don't know if I could pay my bills with this. This is crap. And then what do I do? I share it with anybody? I don't give anybody any of that money and I hoard it. Do I take care of it? No, I complain about I don't have enough. I don't enjoy it. I don't share it. I waste it. I buy stupid stuff.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And then you see on the other side, someone who gets their paycheck. And this is a big thing that I changed in myself like seven years ago. Anytime that I would get a payment, because what's cool about building business online is you can get payments at random times. I would get a payment and I realized that I was for the longest time child A. I would complain about not having enough money.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
The amount of times my bank account was overdrafted over, like I didn't even have zero dollars. I had negative dollars in my bank account many times in my life, you know? And I switched it to every time I started seeing a payment come in, I would go close my eyes and I would say, and I'd see the person's name and I would say, John, thank you so much.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
God, thank you so much for bringing this into my life. I hope that I can make some sort of transformation. And I just wanted to bring that energy to it. And then I started changing to try to be more like child B where then I started sharing it more.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And I realized that the more that I share it, the more that I'm grateful for it, the more that I take care of it, the more that I learn about how to be smart with my money, the more I've been trusted with more. And I think that's the difference is that most people go on the path of child A and I was there for a very long time.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
And I went to child B, which is I'm going to be grateful for whatever comes in. If I see a penny on the floor, I'm going to pick it up because if I can't be trusted with a little, I can't be trusted with a lot. I'm going to pick it up. I'm going to put it in my pocket and say, thank you for giving me this universe. I appreciate it. I appreciate the small amounts.
The School of Greatness
4 Money Mindset Secrets to ATTRACTING Wealth & Abundance
I appreciate the big amounts because I'm going to appreciate the small amounts, the big amounts. I'm going to share it whenever I can share it. And I'm going to try to be the best steward of my money that I can. And what's crazy is it just like you said, it's like the river just widened because there was now more space for me to be able to be a good steward for it.