Are you way too hard on yourself? In this episode, I break down why self-love feels so hard—and why self-acceptance is actually the key to changing that. Most of us were raised to believe we weren’t enough, and that belief still runs our lives. But what if you could finally break free from it? Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube
Chapter 1: How can I be kinder to myself?
Today, I'm going to be talking about how to be kinder to yourself, how to accept yourself more, how to be more loving to yourself. And one of the things that I hear from people a lot is that people, let me just be real, people are really... kind of mean to themselves. Like a lot of people are such assholes to themselves in their own head. They talk negatively to themselves.
They talk down to themselves. They say things to themselves that they would never say to anybody else alive, especially someone that they love. And they probably won't even say to their worst enemy. And then they come in and they say, well, how can I be kinder to myself? How can I love myself more? And I think instead of looking at it by saying, how can I love myself more?
Chapter 2: Why is self-acceptance more important than self-love?
Because if you have this negative hatred self-talk to say, how can I love myself? It's kind of too much of a change. And so what I really think we should start thinking is instead of how do I love myself more, is how can I accept myself more? I think that's a better phrase. It's not really about love. What it's about is about acceptance.
The things that you don't love about yourself in reality is just you not accepting certain aspects of yourself. And the barrier to self-love is self-acceptance. And so what I would prefer that we focus on is self-acceptance, to accept yourself fully, to see your flaws and to start accepting your flaws more. Because behind all of the self-judgment is love and
And the doorway to get there is acceptance. I think that our natural state as a human is love. And that would be for others, but also for ourselves. But we're raised in a society and we're raised with people who, you know, don't have psychology degrees and they don't know about how a child's brain works and all this type of stuff.
We're kind of raised, and I'm going to talk about today, in a way that... kind of takes us away from our own personal self-love. You know, I don't see a baby walking around with self-love issues. I don't see, when I look at my son, I don't see him struggling with self-love. He's pretty damn happy like 97% of the time. The only time he's not happy is when he's hungry.
when he's tired or if he shit his pants. That's about it. Other than that, he's happy as hell. So I don't really see babies with self-love issues, which means that lack of self-love is somehow learned along the way.
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Chapter 3: How does childhood socialization affect self-acceptance?
So then let's ask ourselves, if we're not talking about self-love, if we're talking about self-acceptance, and self-acceptance will get us to self-love because self-love and just love in general is probably our natural state, why is it so hard to accept ourselves? Well, this is the thing that I always think about in my head is like, why are we so far off track from where we naturally are?
And I think there's a lot of different things. The first thing is we have all been socialized. And when I say socialized, what I really prefer calling it is domesticated. So the same way you domesticate an animal, you kind of domesticate a child. And I don't mean that's the child's fault. What I mean is that's the parent's fault. So the parents are under pressure.
All of our parents are under pressure to socialize us. in some sort of way so that we fit in as a normal adult. And so we get socialized so that we fit in. A child does not fit in with normal social constructs. You get that? You ever seen a kid that just decides in the middle of a restaurant they want to scream? They're in a park, they just want to take their clothes off?
That doesn't fit normal social constructs. So when they do stuff like that, it's like, no, don't do that. And so parents... don't intentionally do this. But here's something that I see. Maybe they do intentionally do it. Some do, but most don't.
Chapter 4: What role do parents play in shaping self-worth?
One of the ways that parents will get their child to do what they want is either number one, yelling at them, or number two, emotional rewarding or punishment based on how the child acts. And so I want you to think about your childhood. And also, if you have children, I want you to think about how you raise your children as well.
A lot of times, if you're good, the parents are like, you get my love. They don't say that directly, but that's kind of the energy that we come at a child with, right? If you're good, you get my love. If you're bad, I remove my love from you.
And so a child is just this natural, free-flowing, wild, crazy kid, and they do something that doesn't fit in with society, and the parents will reprimand them.
The average child is reprimanded eight times more than they're praised throughout their childhood, which means the average child thinks, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, my mom doesn't love me for doing this, whatever it might be, eight times more than they think I'm accepted. So they don't think There's something wrong.
Like no child is three years old, four years old and thinking to himself, there's something wrong with society. What are they thinking? Okay, I did something. My mom's retracting her love. This is all subconscious. They're not thinking this, you know, logically. I did something. My dad, my mom is pulling their love away from me. There must be something wrong with me.
And so we think, oh, I must be the problem. I have to fix myself. How I naturally am is not good. And so it becomes hard over time for us to accept ourselves. Now, there's no reasoning for the process. A child doesn't understand everything. A child realizes that the way that they naturally are is not acceptable.
with the average child being reprimanded eight times more than their praise, they're thinking, I'm not good enough the way that I am eight times more than thinking that I'm enough.
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Chapter 5: How can parents avoid unintentionally damaging a child's self-worth?
And so a child, and I really just want this to kind of hit home so you understand why we have self-love issues, why we have self-acceptance issues, because we were almost taught not to accept ourselves as we truly were so that we would fit in and so that we would get our parents' love. And so the child has to change itself
and has to let go of certain aspects of itself based on what the parents tell them that they should do. All the child cares about, just so you know, is does mom love me? Does my dad love me? And anything that I do that gets that taken away from me must mean that I'm doing something wrong, which means that I am wrong.
You know, when I'm running around and I'm having fun and I'm screaming in public and my mom yells at me, therefore, that aspect of myself is wrong. And I am not accepted as I naturally am. If I'm not acting right, then I must be wrong. Right? Is this starting to make sense to you? Hopefully this is making sense to you.
I really dive into this, and I've been studying child psychology for so long, and I've been studying parents and the way that they act, and I've been coaching people now for 19 years, and I can see how the parent's reaction based off of the child when they're younger creates an adult that acts a certain way or holds back in a certain way or doesn't accept themselves.
So we learn from a very young age during this socialization process that we are not good enough as we are. So we must act out of alignment with who we think we are. We have to act as a different person. We have to act a certain way so that we get our parents' love, even if that certain way is not me, which the result of that is my true self,
who we come in this world as that still exists, looking at my conditioned self and having trouble accepting myself. Of course, our true self is going to have trouble accepting its conditioned self because our true self is going, yeah, this person that I've become isn't me. This is like some caricature of me. This isn't me. This is who I've been told to be.
And a lot of times we're not even aware of this. We're just like, I don't like myself. I don't accept myself. I don't love myself. And so this result is this feeling that people have, so many people throughout the world have an unworthiness because of the process of socialization throughout growing up. And I understand if you're a parent, This shit is hard. Kids are wild.
You're just trying to keep them alive. You know, sometimes you do have to reprimand a child when they're wanting to jump off a 10 foot wall and you're just like, oh my God, I've got to keep you alive. But I want you to understand like you're creating your child's personality and
and their identity every single moment of their day based off of what they see you do, what they see you talk about them, and what you say directly to them. And so it's something really important to think about as you're growing up with your children and as you're raising your children.
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