Leo Skepi
Appearances
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
But the word baptism was such a relief and a comfort because it kind of is one. It's like this trip felt like... A goodbye in a weird way. I'm not leaving my old life. I still have a house in Texas. I'm still going to live there. But it just felt like a whole like shedding of who I was. It's like everything is solidified now since I've been in this whole shift.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
And hearing the baptism thing, I was like, T, it kind of makes sense, because I'm fully in this shit. And the way things are lining up is just crazy. That's a side tangent. But the whole thing with traveling, absolutely travel, for all the reasons I said. But also, when you travel to a place you don't know, It's very character building because you only have yourself to rely on.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
You don't have normal people that you know. You don't have connections. You don't have familiarity with where you are. You have to adapt and survive and rely on yourself. When you have that... I feel like that is a piece of character, a big piece of character people are missing now.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It makes you want to hit them upside the fucking head because people just don't have the ability to like rely on themselves. They have so much learned powerlessness. And when you travel to an unknown place and you're forced to rely on yourself and your own capabilities and your own brain and your ability to read situations and read people and still have fun and do your thing.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
You can't have any learned powerlessness. You can't have any kind of false hopelessness or powerlessness or insecurity. It's a very confidence-building thing too. So my advice in your 20s, early 20s, whenever, honestly, is travel your ass off. Because like I said, what you think you know now, when you get to a new location, new frequency. And one thing I've learned about ideas...
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
and life paths and kind of like trajectories and shit is there are things circling you all the time it's like imagine above your head like circling and until you get to a certain place or a certain point it can't land like it can't hit you so there's so many times i've thought a certain way about so much shit and i go travel somewhere and then new ideas fall in and
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
How they treated you when they were love bombing you was not them. It's who they are when they were earning love. So it's exhausting. It's tiring. It's not them. So when they're trying to earn it, you like how they are when they be earning it. And then as soon as they get the validation, you like them. They're like, okay, I don't have to put the effort no more.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
And it's like they land and it changes everything. And I go home a new person every time I travel. I love it. So yes, that is my advice. And you 20s, travel your ass off. Oh, here we go. We got to talk about being afraid. How do I detach myself from my toxic yet loving family? I'm afraid. I don't want to talk about detaching from a family. Oh my God. Two birds just flew over here.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Two little parakeet. What the hell? Those are not pigeons. Those are parakeets. Wait, I'm going to put in a photo. If you're watching this on YouTube, me thinking, I know what birds are. It's a green fucking bird. But anyway, the whole thing about fear I want to talk about. Fear is like a really, really good symbol. A lot of people don't know what to do with fear and how to feel it.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It's like you feel it and then you start doing shit because you want to prevent what you're scared of or you get anxious and you feel the fear and then you start doing a bunch of random shit or you start taking action. What I've learned about fear, especially the past few weeks, these little birds are so cute, I keep looking at them. Don't mind me.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
But what I've learned about fear the past few weeks is it's not a sign that you shouldn't go forward a lot of the times. It's a sign that you're on the brink of a place you've never been before with becoming a version of you you've never been before or getting something you've never had before but you've been wanting. The fear will get you to that point.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
And it's like, if you step forward, it flips. There is going to be a grieving process. There is going to be a whole loss of your life as you know it and a loss of the version of you as you know it. It feels like you're digesting yourself emotionally. You will feel like you are mourning. Literally yesterday, when I was packing to come on this trip.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
And then you see the real them who's not love bombing. That's tea on that. Real simple. Not fun, though. Sorry. Okay, next. My dad works at a college that I'm going to, so I get in free. Period. I don't like the people, campus, or the fact that it's close to home.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Alpro. When I said it felt like a weird goodbye, I started getting scared shitless. Like, it got so bad. My panic and, like, fear started getting so bad that I was like, am I having an intuitive thing of, like, I'm gonna die on the plane tomorrow or something? What is this panic so bad? It's like impending sense of doom. But...
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
that was the fear that came from me taking the leap to come on this new journey and see what the hell opens up with my intuition and like being guided here there's something gonna happen I'm like here three hours, but there's something here that's going to shift and like lock in my shift. Really flying here locked in the shift and how I am now.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
But there's something bigger coming and I can feel it. And it's like following that. I don't fucking know what it is, but it's terrifying. But at the same time, it's like that fear will come up. You have to go into it. You have to just do it. Sit down and cry and boohoo. Let it be scary. Don't be the person who gets up against it. What it is you want.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Like the potential of being right there and you feel scared and you don't know how to interpret the fear so you step back. Do not do that. And I'm not saying be stupid and if you feel scared walking down a dark alley to make yourself go down, that's a danger thing. Okay, that's a fight or flight mode thing.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
But this can also trip on fight or flight because last night I was having like a full fucking panic. So... That's a new perspective on fear that's helped me a ton is like, it doesn't mean you should stop. It means you're about to grieve something, whether it's you currently or your life currently, or a belief that you have. about how things go for you and your belief about life.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Something's gotta give when you feel fear. So is it gonna be you or is it gonna be the thing blocking you to where you wanna go? That's your choice to make. So how it relates to your family, leaving a toxic family, whatever it is, yeah, it's gonna be scary. Is it a guilt or is it fear? Learn how to label the emotions better too. Because a lot of people think that
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It's fear, but it's really just guilt. There's two different ways to handle those emotions. They're different emotions, so you have to handle them different ways, but hope that helps a little. Okay, next person said, why do I, a 56-year-old broken-ass man, feel like I'm stuck on a treadmill? Storms pass, tree branches fall on you while you're stuck in one place.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I'm afraid my disliking of this college will impact my mental health, but it seems like the financial benefit of free college for four years outweighs any of that. Should I transfer or try and find a better perspective on college? If you don't like them, you don't like them. So when I was in high school, I went to a certain school for the first three years.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Shingles are coming off of your roof. No matter the energy or positivity I throw out into the universe, here I am stuck on that fucking treadmill. I don't know what you mean by treadmill, but it seems like you're just walking in place. Like you're doing things, but you're not going anywhere. Nothing is changing. That's kind of how I interpret that.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Could be wrong, but I'm trying to like channel it a little and see what you mean. But the whole thing of feeling stuck on the treadmill, shit's falling. You're trying to be positive and do things. Get off the treadmill. Stop walking in place. That's like a set of habits that you're doing consistently. Yeah, no shit. Nothing's going to change. I know that seems like abrasive, but it's the truth.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
If you're doing the same things every day, you get on the same treadmill every day and you're trying to force positivity. You don't have to force positivity at all. I don't have to force my happiness at all anymore. Like especially the past month. Like I said, since the shift, I don't force nothing. I don't have to force the happiness. It just comes. But I'm not doing anything that I used to do.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I might do certain things, but it's not the same way I would do it. And I have all different behaviors and strategies and reasons for doing shit. So if you just wake up and you're like, oh, I have to go on autopilot, break it. What would you do if you didn't have to get back on the treadmill? Because it's literally just one step off.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It could be one habit you switch, one thing you do different, one thing you see different. Even if you just say, okay, I'm going to stay walking on this treadmill, but I'm not going to try and force positivity. I'm not going to try and force to throw nothing out that's good. Storms keep coming, branches keep falling.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Okay, so even if you just switch and say, I'm no longer going to force myself to try and be positive when I don't like where I'm at, good. Because being on that treadmill, when you're not trying to force the positive, you're sitting there in the truth of it, of where you're at, what you're doing, and how you're feeling. The changes that you need to make will become very clear.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
So don't try to force being positive. Let it be shit. Because you might be like, oh, I don't know what to change. I don't know what to do. I don't know what step to take to get off the treadmill. I don't know how to get off the treadmill. Keep walking it without a fake lens of where you're at. You're sitting there stuck on the same shit that you hate. No more fake positive. No more nothing.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Let it hurt. Let it suck. Because then it's going to be real easy to see, oh. I'm going to just sidestep it one time. Now I changed everything. And then once that first step happens, everything unfolds with what you need to do different. It's just the clarity piece. So when you're trying to lie to yourself and delude yourself, I'm happy. No, I have to be positive.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
If you don't like the treadmill, you don't like it. Even if it's gold fucking plated or it's made of gold, you can still not like it. That's a big thing with life. People look at me like I'm ungrateful because I do what I do. I don't give a damn. I'm allowed to want more, and so are you. If you don't like the treadmill, step off.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
And if you don't know how to step off or you're scared to step off, stop with the fake bullshit and fake positivity, fake feeling better about it. Feel how you feel truly about it, and the clarity is going to kick you in the head. You'll fall off a treadmill. Trust me. Oh, this one. Okay. I've been with my husband for 15 years. Two years ago, he cheated on me without protection and gave me HPV.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
High school in the United States is four years. I have a lot of like European listeners now, hey, from way over there, hey. So I did three years at one high school, got bored, I was sick of it, I was sick of everybody. So I was like, let's go try something new. So I flipped to a whole new school for my senior year of high school. A lot of people thought I was crazy.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I can't forgive and forget. You don't have to. First thing I'm going to say, you shouldn't feel like you have to forgive that or feel better about it. You're allowed to be fucking hateful about it. It's fine. I love you. I feel like I need to revenge cheat on him with someone. I can't shake it. I love him, but I'm not okay with cheating unless I get mine too. What's your suggestion?
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I no longer have HPV. Do not let him get you out of character. If cheating is not something that you do or want to do, and that's not something that you do, Don't do it. Do not let him bend who you are. He already fucked you over enough and cheated on you and betrayed you. You stayed, you tried to work it out.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I'm sure you listened to everybody else's fucking advice of you can heal through cheating. You can work through it. No, you fucking can't. So you've already given enough. Do not give that part of yourself also just to spite him. I'm getting the chills talking about this. Do not lose part of yourself in revenge. Do not lose part of yourself in spite. I know you want to fuck his shit up.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Okay, the way you do it is abandon him literally you can just sit him down and be like look I cannot get past you cheating. I tried I can't do it It don't sit right with me. I hate you. I genuinely hate you.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Let it out Be honest be like there's no way through it go to a lawyer before this and already have the divorce papers in your hand to stand on that business because it's not going to be just a conversation of like oh You're just pissed off. You're going to say hurtful things and then be done. No, you slapping papers down and saying exactly why I cannot fucking get past it.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
The only thing I feel like I could do to feel better about it is to fuck you over the way you did me. I want to go cheat on you, but I'm not going to let myself do that. So what's best for both of us in this situation is to split. Let's make it amicable. But I had to be honest. I can't keep living like this. It's done. That's fair. Fully fair. You not killing him is you doing great.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I don't know what it is with cheating, but like, it's the most disrespectful thing in the world. I've cheated in the past and I've done the whole thing of like, oh, You did it to me. You fucked me over. So my whole reasoning was like, I feel so fucked over and so bad about myself for me to just leave feels like accepting defeat and like letting someone get one over on me. So I cheated.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
And it was only after a point of so much absolute betrayal from the other side. I had to do something to get my get back. So I did it for myself. The person never found out, but it was my first relationship. I did it once and I committed to myself. I'm never doing that again. because I'm never going to allow myself to be disrespected so bad. I get pushed to a point to do that.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
So from my experience, I hope that helps. And from what I told you, you're not wrong for how you feel. And if you have tried for two years and you still cannot get over it, babe, you tried. You have every reason to leave. Nobody could fault you. It's not like you didn't try to work through it. No, you tried.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
you did two years you gave it and it's done nothing but destroy you and rot you get out of this situation and get out with your full self do not react to this and go somebody else and cheat back just for him that's not for you that's for him you feel like it's for you i get it i fully fully get what you mean but the most hurtful thing you can do is is look at somebody and say, I do not love you.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
A lot of people thought I was whatever. But what did I do? Have more fun. Met cooler people. Had a shorter drive because the new school I transferred to was closer to the house I was at. It was a win-win for me. Everybody looked at me like I was fucking nuts. But that's a free thing because it was a public school.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
You're not worth what it takes to be with you. I cannot forgive what you did to me. I tried. It's done. That's going to cut them so much deeper than you going and cheating back. And it's going to make you feel better because once you leave... You're a whole new bitch. You'll never tolerate that again. You show yourself, you'll stand up for yourself and you will leave.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
You're going to have so much more self-respect handling it that way versus the other way. You feel better about going and sleeping with somebody else. Then he washes his hands of the guilt of what he did to you because, oh, you did it back. People get to minimize what they did, not feel so bad about it. So don't give him that. And don't go just cheat back. It's going to make you feel worse.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I know you think it'll make you feel better. It'll make you feel worse. I kind of regret my situation, but I don't because I learned. But I hope me going through it means you don't have to. You will respect yourself so much more if you just leave. That will lift you up. The other one will take you down. That will turn you into him. Do not do that.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
But if you're not happy there, if you're bored, if you feel like an itch to go somewhere else, go somewhere the fuck else. Life is too short to sit over here and convince yourself to be okay with shit that you're not. Go have fun. You asking the motherfucker who got a weird intuitive thought and jumped and went to Miami. I'm always going to tell you to do what you want to do. Do what feels right.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
opening up to the possibility of something better. Like I get the concern, I get the fear. Anybody in your position will be shit scared, but like keep trying. That means you've been trying. It's a dead end. I've talked about this in the past. It's like when an animal needs water and it goes to a watering hole and it sees that it's empty,
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It's not going to sit there and freak out and try to make the watering hole fill up with water. It's going to walk off and go find a new one. Like imagine a little zebra. Okay. He needs some water. He's going to go try and find some. He goes to a watering hole. It's empty. Okay. He's going to walk off and go to the next one and find one with some water.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
The zebra is not going to sit there and freak out and be like, oh my God, why am I not good enough? Why can't I make it fill up? Be like the zebra, girl. That comes from a video from Teal Swan I watched a long time ago. I love it. I think it's called the zebra in the watering hole. She talks about that whole analogy. If you want help with that, go watch that.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
A lot of people have a lot of mixed opinions about her. I'm someone who can separate Insight and knowledge and things that I can learn from the person. I don't think the allegations against her are true. I don't understand the cult leader shit, but I don't really care. I'm the type that like takes what I can learn and leave.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Like there's certain things that so many different people from so many different backgrounds have said that I can learn from. That's how you fuck yourself up is like by locking down and saying, I don't like this person. So I cannot learn anything from them. Everything about them is bad, right? But that's the video. If you wanna go watch it, go watch it.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I don't give a damn that people don't like that I've watched Teal Swan's videos and I like some things that she says. Boo hoo. Info was info. You think every motherfucker who said anything good, everybody liked them? No. Okay, next person, quick, to the point, I love it. Getting motivation back. And then they added a detail. All I do is sit on my phone all day.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I need to get my life back, but I don't know how when there's no motivation keeping me going. You're not going to find it while you're distracted. Why are the cops blinking their little lights and running their sirens outside right now? That's scaring me. I don't like that. I swear. Like, I don't do nothing wrong. I don't do nothing illegal. Everything I do is taxable. Everything's great.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
But like, I still just get anxious when cops come by. I don't know if you could hear it or not, but whatever. I'm over here acting like you're here with me. But the whole thing with getting motivation back, if you have a distraction in front of your face all the time, duh, you don't know what motivates you, duh. You don't have anything of your own coming up. You're just consuming.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
You're being prompted on what to think, what to watch, what to feel. People make videos now that are like, everything's so calculated on social media. And that's why social media is so fucking draining. This is a rant we about to go into. Social media is the most draining shit now because it used to be something you could just go and scroll and it's whatever.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Like my content on social media on TikTok and Instagram has been doing so well because it's carefree. You can just watch it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We'll be right back. Thank you. Thank you. We'll be right back. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for watching. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
That's what I'm always going to tell you to do. So if you thought you was going to get a different answer, no, baby, I'm not going to lie to you. Yeah, I get the financial concern. Like, it's nice. You got free school. There's other ways to get free school. Go do a FAFSA. That's what it's called, right? FAFSA, FAFSA, FAFSA, whatever the hell.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
If you don't make enough to cover college, there's plenty of scholarships you can get. Start trying. And if this is a test, here's something you could do. I'm very big on tests. I don't trust nothing blindly. So if you want to switch to a new school, And you're worried, oh, I don't want to deal with like the financial burden. Say, OK, if it doesn't line up, then I'm not meant to switch.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Go apply to a different school and see if you can get any scholarships to go with it. If it's covered and you can get it discounted or you can get it for free, you know, you need to jump. If nothing lines up, that's the thing is like, throw your hands up, start applying. And if it starts lining up, you being pushed to go, you have to go. If you have to force yourself to stay.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
You should never stay. And that's for everybody in a fucking relationship too. I know we're talking about college, but if you have to force yourself to stay, get out. Life's going to kick you out. And I'm only being harsh about that because life kicked me the fuck out. I knew I was supposed to go and I was forcing to stay and it forced back. It sucks. So just jump. Trust me.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I'm living proof you're going to be all right. You're going to be like me, a drunk bastard in Miami. I'm not drunk though. I'm pissed because I landed. It's pissing its ass raining right now. I'm like trapped inside. I feel like I'm in baby jail. I can't even go down the road and get some liquor. I would love to be drunk right now. But this is the universe locking me in front of this camera.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Get your podcast out. So here we are. Okay, next advice on what to do to get my ghetto ex's new girlfriend to back off stalking me and trying to fight me. She basically is trying to fight me and threatening me. I blocked her already and filed a police report against her. Your ex's new girlfriend. Do you have any contact with the ex? Why is that bitch even a problem? Don't talk to your ex.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Am I missing something? Cut off any communication with the ex and you can embarrass the dumb ass. Be like, look, I don't want to fight you. I don't care to fight over that little dick man. Embarrass her and she'll leave you alone. Just be like, that's my ex for a reason. Go play with him. But you have to not be talking to the ex to be able to like buck up like that.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
So drop any communication with the ex. What the hell? I'm not going to tell you to back down. You've already kind of like done your thing. You took it to the police, okay? Women, I don't have, like, such a harsh, rigid view on restraining orders. You already put the police report, so if she keeps trying to fuck with you, okay, now you got a paper trail in your favor.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
People don't realize the justice system ain't here to help you. So you got the police report down, so now you kind of got a leg up. If this bitch pops up where you are and you beat the shit out of her, you already got the police report backing you, so you could fibble-a-do. And maybe say she attacked me. I was defending myself. Because you already got the paper trail backing you up.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
That you've already had a problem with this girl. So if she comes up or shows up and you got to do what you got to do, do what you got to do. And then when the cops ask, yeah, I tried to ask for help about this bitch. And she just showed up and attacked me. So I defended myself. If I got to get arrested, so be it. I'll let the judge hear it out. But you pick a story and you stick. Okay?
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Oh, here we go. This one's kind of sad. I'm gonna clock you real quick though. I'll like jolt you out of it. How do I get over feeling like I'm not good enough? Are you not good enough or are you becoming someone that nobody else is strong enough to be? Your path's going to look very different. There's plenty of times I've felt not good enough. Doesn't mean it's true, no.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
But the other question is good enough for who? Who the fuck you trying to be good enough for? Assess them, you know? And assess your attachment to them. What you trying to earn so bad? What you trying to like gain approval for and be like, what are you going to get if somebody looks at you and says, okay, you are enough? Nothing. That's not what you want is for someone to tell you you're enough.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
You want to feel like you're enough. How would people have to treat you to feel like enough? You want to be prioritized? You want to be loved? What is it? You're over here fixated on, I need to be enough. No, you need to fixate on, how am I going to feel like that? So what do I need to do? Do I want to be somebody's priority? Do I need a partner who prioritizes me?
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Maybe you don't have a relationship and you want to feel like somebody's number one. Go into that avenue of it. Because if you just go blindly into the whole, I'm not good enough and fixate on that, what the fuck is that about? You're going to beat yourself up for no reason. Don't do that. Let me save you from it. Go do the things that are going to make you feel like enough.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
But you're going to see how your personal relationship with it is. Does that make sense? I hope so. The sun's coming out. Oh, somebody asked, what should I do in my early 20s? Travel. Boots. I'm going to go on a whole rant right now about traveling. It's not just traveling. Okay, do we want to go spiritual? Let's go all of it. Okay, if you feel like a weird...
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Alpro. Is it working? Okay, cool. This is the most janky little setup. Surprise. Hi, friends. I'm back in Miami. I booked a flight. My intuition was fluttering a little bit. Really, she was wrecking me. And I had this weird itch to come back to Miami, so here I am. I obey orders, because last time I didn't listen to my intuition, I almost died. I'm happy again. I don't want to leave. I like life.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It's like a grid worker thing for like energy. If your energy is being called somewhere, you need to be in that place on the grid. There's some kind of match or frequency or something you have to go to. So I've always had an itch to travel since I'm little baby. I've always loved to travel until I got to where I was like 16 and then I was 18 and I had a fake ID and I can get a hotel room.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I was traveling since I'm 18. All the time. Love to go places, do shit on my own, and whatever. But you got to be careful. You got to be safe. But the whole thing with travel. If you feel called to a certain place, fucking go. Go. Don't worry about the money, because I traveled when I had no money. I used to love going to New Orleans.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I don't know what it is about New Orleans, but I used to go all the time. When I wasn't making a lot of money, I would save up. And one time I got an Airbnb for like 600 bucks for like three nights, four days. And I drove and I stayed and I had a blast. I penny pinched. I got alcohol and drank it at my Airbnb before I went out. I would buy like one drink when I went out.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
So I was like penny pinching. Go into different locations. I swear to God, it will like unlock different insights and feeling states and ideas. Certain ideas are only going to hit you when you go to certain places. Different locations have different frequencies. You're going to be a match to different shit. So if you feel called to something, go. In your 20s, go travel as much as you can.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
The money will come back to you. Don't go be stupid and go spend above your means, but go travel. Like I said, you could do it penny pinching. I would not suggest a Groupon. That's not a good idea. And I don't do no brothel. Not a brothel. What's it called? Hostel? No. What's the thing where it's like shared? Not a brothel. What the fuck am I thinking?
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
What's the thing where it's like a shared thing where it's like a lot of people live in the same room? Don't fucking do that. Go somewhere and be by yourself. Make sure you're safe. Make sure your shit that you brought with you is safe. Going to festivals with friends and stuff like that is a blast. Anything you can do to travel, do it.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
If you want to be a flight attendant because you get to travel for free, do it. There's ways to get to travel. especially in your early 20s. But that's something that grew my character, my ability to like perceive shit and like my respect for culture. You got to go experience different things because I'm from a small little town, Pensacola in Florida. Piddly podunk bullshit.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Like it's, your mind's going to expand. When I used to get an itch to travel, it's because where I was at, it felt like I was in like a dome where like my ideas and my thoughts could only be so big or potentials and opportunities could only get so big and I felt limited. And then I would think, okay, when I go to Houston, I feel like the ceiling lifts.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I feel like it shatters and I can go way higher. Follow that feeling. It sounds weird, but you will have shit line up that you don't expect. Like with me coming to Miami, I've been having this weird intuition to come over here. I love it here.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Alpro. but I've been having this weird itch like the past four days. But yesterday I was sitting in my garage having a cigarette, having my morning coffee, and I just out loud, it's like something just like spoke and was like, I want to go to the beach. And I looked down at my phone and I was like, should I go to Miami? I looked down at my phone and it was 1222 p.m.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It's nice. But since we're in Miami, everything's very sporadic. Let's do a What Would Leo Do? Everyone that's new, hey, new friends. This is where you guys write in and ask what I would do in your situation. Hint, what would Leo do? So I'm going to tell you what I would do, what I would does. Okay? I'm not planning none of this. I'm just going to pick them as we go.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It wasn't my first coffee and my first cigarette. I woke up early, took a nap. And then I have that was my second coffee. That was my after nap coffee cigarette. But it was 1222. So I took the 222 as a sign of like, let's just book it. Fuck it. So I get on my phone. There was a flight for today. So I just booked it. I stopped thinking about it.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Who you are when you're anxious and when you're doubting is not you. When you have an idea for something and you just start taking the actions and letting it fold, when you shut that voice up that's trying to talk you out of it, that's when you see what you're really capable of. So for me to just book it and do it, I go get on my flight today and I use the whole different airline.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
I'm not doing American Airlines the more they can suck my dick and die. But I tried out a new airline. It's like semi-private. It's like a shared private plane. And this is when I say synchronicities will line up. So I'm on the plane. We land. There's this woman that was sitting in front of me the whole time. It was like just funny little conversation we'd have, whatever.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It wasn't nothing like serious. Like I didn't know that she recognized me or thought anything or whatever. But the plane lands and she turns around and talks to me. And she was like, hey, we're just having conversation. Where are you from? What do you do? And I'm coming here to hang out. Oh, I'm coming for work. And it was just like the conversation. Then she goes, are you a model or anything?
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
And I was like, no, why? And she was like, oh no, I think I've seen you on Instagram. Are you on Instagram? And I was like, yeah. So she's seen my reels and she saw my hand tattoos. And she said that she saw a video of mine and was like trying to figure out what the hand tattoos meant.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
and what they said and she was like it just intrigued me and she's like that's how i kind of knew it was you so we get to talking whatever is cute it's fun and then she goes i work for this airline let me give you this thing so your next flight is free i booked a one way here because i was like i'm just gonna follow my gut my intuition i'm gonna leave whenever i feel like i need to leave my flight home's paid for now on my semi-private check
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
But the other gag is she is a psychic medium. which is crazy and nobody knows that about her. So we like talked about certain things. She was like, you are too? And I was like, no, not quite. I'm not like talking to dead people and shit. But anyway, the whole point is like the synchronicity of it lining up. But also when we landed, it's pissing its ass is raining, like I said.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
And typically I would get bummed out. I would get pissed off. I would get whatever. But the fact that I didn't logic my way into planning this trip
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
and i just booked it and followed how i felt it opens you up to a whole thing of like you're just following how it felt i'm like okay it felt right to do it i did it i'm here so it was supposed to be raining there's not this opposition of like i planned this whole trip out and i was so logical and i was structured and i'm trying to like grip it and control it
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
It's like this sense of freedom with whatever happens, you're not impacted by it. So like the rain, it would have pissed me off in the past. And I was wearing my new Versace jacket I bought. And I was like, fuck, I don't want to get out and be soaking wet. We're getting off the plane and it's pissing rain. So everybody's wet.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
This spontaneous life is a good time. Try it. Okay, first one. Why do people love Bomb? Because they're insecure that you'll love them for who they really are. That's it. They're going to try and do everything they can to guarantee that you'll love them. That's why they do it. And then when they get the confirmation, it's exhausting and they don't want to do it no more.
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
and i wasn't mad i was just like okay like it is what it is all my luggage was soaked nothing inside like the outside but everybody's like running through it was kind of funny like everybody was just laughing because we were all wet but the point there is like following the intuition of like okay that's how it was supposed to go when i go to get in my uber i heard this weird like thought intuition i don't know what it was but it was like a message and it was like baptism
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
Cause I was thinking about the rain. I was like, why the fuck is it raining? And I heard baptism and I was like, huh? And then I get into Uber and we're driving and I'm just like looking out the window, all like pretend that I'm in a movie and shit. And then I hear it again, baptism. I'm like, what the fuck? But if you kind of think about it, I could be delusional, but like playing into it,
Aware and Aggravated
34. WWLD- I Ran Away To Miami
The rain coming through when I'm on the way here after the intuition, after this giant shift I've just made. I've talked about it in the past couple episodes. I've been taking you along with me. My whole way of being, I've been mourning myself and my different ways that I've had to go about life and protecting myself, forcing through shit, whatever.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Get a car under warranty for a while so you don't got no expenses with it. You don't gotta worry about, is the motherfucker gonna start? is whatever. You could find ways to make more money to cover the car. I bought a car in 2019. That was a 2019. I think it had like 3,000 miles on it. I had a Chrysler 300S. I'll finally tell y'all what I drove for a while. I had that car for five years.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Even when I started making money, before I moved to LA, I still didn't upgrade my car. When I was in LA, I was driving the Chrysler. Didn't care. It was still nice. It was the leather, all black, tinted out windows. I loved the car. I had a lot of memories with the car.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
But, yeah, in LA, I had that, like, doubt and, like, the insecurity because everything's about the money and the cars and shit over there. But I didn't care because I knew how much I was making, one, but two, the car was paid off. So... I was like, why am I gonna go get a nice car and go to LA? Are people gonna ding it up and fuck it up?
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You gotta valet everywhere you go, park on the street, all these crazy people around all the time. I'm not taking a nice car out there. And then when I got to Texas, again, when I came to Dallas and moved here, I still waited a little bit to find the exact car that I wanted. Then... I went and custom built my dream car, which is insane.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
But I didn't get money and then immediately go jump to upgrading the car. My point here, though, is reliable cars are important. You don't want to be dealing with every month, two months, 500 bucks, 1,000 bucks to fix something else on the fucking car just because you want a lower car note. Get a car that's under warranty. Don't be buying no name brand fancy shit.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
So we have like five areas I'm gonna hit. I'm gonna talk about debt first. I'm gonna be real with you and I'm gonna hit you in the chest a little. It's okay, you be fine. Then we got budgeting, saving, how I use credit cards and the points on all of them to get a bunch of free shit. And then I'm gonna talk about investing.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
It's not a big deal to have a car that's not like super name brand whatever. Just have it under warranty. Make sure you're good. It's not going to be an expense. It's not going to be a headache. And you got a little confidence when you're driving around. You're like, yeah, okay, it's reliable. It's not dinking and dudding and stuttering every time I pull up.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
But that's one thing that I personally get a lot of peace of mind with is a car that I don't feel alone to deal with the costs of if something happens. Like, yeah, it's under warranty. The manufacturers fucking helped me pay somebody's bills. Yeah. Not just me. Because I wanted to have no car note. Girl. Okay, now let's move on to saving money and my whole outlook on that.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
So when I was in my like living like I'm broke period, even when I started making a little money, I was still living like I was broke because I was saving a month of expenses. So I at all times in the past, if you want to start, I'll tell you like how it went. So the first time I did it, I had a month of Set aside all the money it would cost for me to live, eat, and pay all my bills for one month.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Set aside in a separate savings account. Then I built it to three months. I have that account at a whole separate bank. That is money that I have set aside and hidden forever. that I can't access. It's not like fresh in my head. Every time I pull up my one banking app, it's not there.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I got a bunch now, but like at the time I would like, if you start now, save a month of all of your expenses and put it in a separate bank and just leave it there in a savings account. So, you know, you got the comfort. If everything goes to shit or if something goes wrong, I can live for an entire month. I have 30 days to figure something out.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
The peace that you get, the confidence that you feel, just the relief of having that money in the side. Then build it to three months. Have three months of your expenses because you become free and you're able to walk away from anything. So if you got some shit going on at a job you don't like, you got the balls now. You can afford to walk in there and walk off. Be able to walk away from anything.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And this is how you can set yourself up financially to be able to do that.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
i would say have a minimum of six months of your bills set aside eventually i'd say like get to three months and then you could be a little more relaxed with how fast you build it but i have a year at all times now you just walk around with the peace of knowing everything i've got now okay if something goes wrong i can survive for a month i've secured myself That confidence is going to radiate.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
It's going to change just the everyday anxiety that you feel and the stress that you feel. After you get out of the debt and you got that one month, please. And then you bump into three months, please. You're going to be able to afford to be yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Because I'm not the type that wants to invest into all this S&P 500 and retire when I'm 60 and be rich. I want to be rich now. When I was 24, I was saying that. Now that I'm 26, I'm great. I got rich before my 50s. So this is not me telling you what to do. Like I said, it's just what I do. But anybody who knows more than me, comment and tell me.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
When you do that, because you know you got yourself, you can say no to shit you don't want to do or say no to certain treatment that you get or have to deal with because you need money. So you kind of set yourself free. OK, so separate from that account, that's just your expenses on the side. That's what I like to do.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
In the accounts that you have like at the one bank that you like and you got all the ones listed out, your little envelope method with all your checking accounts, great. Have a separate savings account in there. I'd say minimum five grand. Emergency fund, emergency anything, you could start off with a thousand bucks. That's just an emergency fund if something happens or comes up.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
That's not a savings account. That's an emergency like for an unexpected expense. So let's say you got the car or a deal. You're over here, you're budgeting, you're living according to your budget, and you're like, okay, something has happened with the car or some random expense just came up and it's a thousand bucks. If you got the thousand bucks sitting in the emergency fund, you don't feel it.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Don't sweat it. Don't think twice. You pay it, you're done. As annoying as it is, that's the reality of life. Unexpected expenses come up all the time. So I'd say keep the emergency fund, thousand bucks minimum, bump it to five once you can get there, but just don't fucking look at it, okay? Then you're going to have another savings account where you put like just for your personal savings. Cute.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Have a little extra savings for whatever the fuck you want to do. A really big thing that helps me with saving money is dropping subscriptions. Random things that you subscribe to that you forgot about. Go clear them out. There's a lot of apps you can use. A couple of them have sponsored my podcast before. They didn't sponsor this episode, but I like Rocket Money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
There's plenty of ways to go clear out all your subscriptions. Go on your phone and do it and then go on your PayPal and then go on your like bank and see what you can see that you're subscribed to. Go clear all that shit out. Get rid of it. Another thing where I'm talking about with all of the savings accounts, the budgeting, everything that you've got laid out, your little envelope theory.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Okay, theory, your little envelope plan. This is you showing yourself how to handle money and deal with money because you now have a plan. When unexpected money comes in, you know where to put it. So if you're still trying to build that first, all the bills, the one month of bills separate, you know where to put the extra money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Once that's covered, you got a month of all your expenses in that separate bank. Great. After that, any money that's unexpected or random that comes in, Put it in the emergency fund. Once that's built, you put it in your savings. Once you're comfortable with your savings account, put it in your piss away fucking pile. This gives you confidence with how to handle and deal with money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
It also is a big vibrational, spiritual thing, emotional thing. And as soon as I got a grip on all of this, my diet switched. Like this isn't even part of it, but I'm just saying observations like the way that it went for me. Diet got better. And that's how to make him more money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
The more that I managed it and felt confident receiving the money and spending money, like you feel confident with spending money because you got it all separated. You're not over here victimized. Oh, I just keep getting blindsided, hit upside dead, all these bills. You're comfortable letting money go because you prepared for it.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You're also comfortable with getting more money because you've set up stability for yourself of where to put it. And you're making yourself feel secure. You can use money. to bring yourself certain feeling states and to cause certain feeling states. If you want to feel stable and secure, organize the shit and get comfortable with letting it go and letting it come back in.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Now let's talk about the credit cards and the credit card points and what cards I use and how I use the points. Because I'd be getting a lot of shit for free. Like I told you on my last episode, the other day I bought myself a PlayStation with all the points that I had. I bought a bunch of Best Buy gift cards and got a free PlayStation 5 Pro.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
First thing I'm going to call out is the whole American Express thing. People are dumb. They don't know how to use it. Like you need to like card max with the points. And the more money you make, I always thought like, oh, rich people don't care about the points. They do. And if you do it right, you can do it right. It's a missed opportunity if you're not doing it.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If you know more things I could cheat around and get around, tell me. Let me know. Okay, first section is debt. I'm mainly going to be talking about credit card debt. If you're in credit card debt, quit. You broke. Credit card debt is the one thing you can't be playing with, and you should never carry a balance on a credit card.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If you're Elon Musk, who gives a damn about a point? But everybody could benefit from the points. With American Express, the Platinum card is $695 a year to have the card. You get a lot of benefits for having it. You can go Google them, whatever. But with American Express Platinum, it's five times points on flights and hotels, but you have to book them through the American Express website.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
One mistake I fucking made. So I have that card only for travel and hotels. I didn't get the platinum card until before last tour, last year. I had plenty of money. I had plenty of reason to get it. The points didn't make no sense. I wasn't traveling like that. So once I had the need for it, I booked all my travel for tour on the Amex and I got five times the points back.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
With the gold card, the American Express Gold, that one's $325 a year. Well worth it, because you get like $100-something in Uber credits for both of the cards. American Express Gold, you get four times points at supermarkets and restaurants. With the Platinum one, you only get one point per dollar.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
So when people go to a restaurant and they slap down the platinum card, they think that they owe, like a lot of people just try and flex. Like, oh, I have the platinum. Like, you're dumb. You're dumb. You need the gold one to go out to the restaurants. You get four times points back. That's like 4% cash back. Supermarkets too. Go grocery shopping, put the shit on there.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
It stacks up more than you think. So hotels and flights are on the Amex Platinum. Groceries, restaurants, Amex Gold. And that feeling of slapping down a metal card, nice. I like the gold one more. I just think it looks better. But the platinum is more of a flex. If you got the black card, hit me up.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
The other card that I use for every purchase that is not those two categories with those two cards, the Capital One Venture card. That's the one that I use for every other purchase because it's two times points that you get. They say that it's miles. They say it's a venture card. They say you can redeem the points for travel. No, I'm about to get to my trick with redeeming the points.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
But the Capital One card, the venture one is, I think it's $95 a year. They give you $120 credit just for having their card for TSA. So TSA PreCheck is free. So if you already buy TSA PreCheck and pay for that, you might as well just buy the card. It's cheaper. And then get the TSA for free and then have the two times points on the card. You see what I mean? Be smart about it.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Look at what you get with all the credit cards. And if you don't have high enough credit to get... certain cards that are like I'm mentioning, you can look at all the rewards and start looking at which one you can get right now that has the best output. But the whole thing with the rewards, one with the American Express, the platinum, there's a lot of really, really good deals that you get.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Also, the gold has a lot too. But one that I use every single time it comes up is at Versace. If you spend 700 bucks, you get $150 credit. from American Express. So you get 150 bucks off, basically. And they have that for all kind of stores. So that's a big way to save a lot of money. A lot of cards have them too. It's not just the Amex, but the Amex has the best ones.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And the reason a lot of people feel comfortable doing it is because they don't understand interest. So with your credit cards, if you have $1,000 statement and you owe $1,000 at the end of the month, If you pay off 900 of it, you're like, oh, okay, cool. I paid off 900. I'm only going to pay interest on the 100. No. Credit card companies charge you interest on the amount on the statement.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Now, when you're redeeming the points on your credit card, redeem them for gift cards. They have gift cards that are digital that you can get sent to your email immediately. The main ones that I get gift cards for is Instacart, Uber, because you can use it on Uber Eats and Uber. If you're going to buy furniture on Wayfair, they got Wayfair gift cards, they got Amazon gift cards.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If you need equipment, they got Best Buy, they got Apple. My main thing is any repeated expense that I have. I use Instacart every single time I order groceries. That's just free. when I get the gift cards. So if once a month I get a $200 gift card, that's 200 bucks knocked off groceries. So it stacks.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
But when I say redeem the points for gift cards, if you redeem the points for statement credit, it's not usually as high as a conversion that you get fucked. So go peruse the site. If you've been wanting to buy yourself something, you want to buy some designer, they have Neiman Marcus, Saks, Nordstrom. They got all those brands and all those companies in the gift card category.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Also with travel, when you redeem the points with booking flights through the Capital One card or the Amex cards, it's better when you convert it to cover the flight or the hotel when you book it through that. So don't be using the points on your credit card for statement credit. Stupid mistake.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
One more thing I'm going to mention for anyone who's in the public eye, whether you're just on social media like your little influencer or you're higher up or you're rich, if you just got money, you need to pay for a credit lock. For sure. So no one can open shit in your name. No one can run your credit without you approving it.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
That's something you gotta watch out for if you're trying to rebuild your credit. People are gonna be running it. It's not really gonna be useful unless you have someone that's trying to steal your identity or you have a lot of money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If you're in a very toxic relationship and finances have gotten involved and it's gotten twisted and it's gotten bad, that's a way to secure yourself as a credit lock. So that's something I didn't know until I got to a certain point. And the people that I work with business wise are like, hey, fuck it. Yeah, we setting you up with that. I was like, OK, cool. So I want to tell you.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
OK, now let's talk about investing. Oh. First thing you should be investing in before you go into stocks and all this crypto bullshit, you need to be investing into getting your time back. Invest money into buying your time back. So a couple of ways that I do it. Cleaners, housekeepers. Car wash people that come to your house and clean your fucking car for you. You ain't got to drive nowhere.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You ain't got to worry about it. It's just done. Automating and getting things done for you, buying your time back, ordering groceries. I do it every single time. You rarely catch me at the grocery store unless I'm desperate or I hit my pen a little too much and I wanted to go play in Target.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Like I don't usually go to the grocery for a lot of reasons and it saves you a lot of time, headache, travel, dealing with stupid ass people, wasting your time. You should be investing, getting your time back and be consistent and be able to afford that before you over here trying to invest in the long term. Things are going to make you money. Invest in so you can be rich when you're 60.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Oh my God. That's my outlook on it. And that's what I do. Another thing that I am big on investing in is premiums for business. YouTube, because I'm not watching ads. Your attention and your time is very valuable. Why are you over here watching an ad? I paid a fucking $9.99 a month, whatever it is, $15, I don't care.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
The Apple Music, the SoundCloud Premium, the Spotify Premium, YouTube Premium, I pay for all of it because I'm not listening to ads. I don't want that shit going in my head. I want to choose what I listen to and watch, not be fed like ads and crap. Like be respectful of your time. If you got a little extra money, pay for that shit. It's useful.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If it's not fully paid off, you're getting charged interest on the full thousand. It doesn't matter if you only got 100 bucks left. If that doesn't trip something loose in your head, I don't know what to tell you.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Another one is Instacart Plus and Uber Plus, Uber One, whatever the hell it's called. It saves you a bunch on fees. So pay for the premiums before you start investing into the S&P bullshit. But that's the thing about the next point I have is the whole S&P 500, investing in the stocks, investing in crypto. I don't understand it. I don't get it. And I don't care.
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29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Hi friends, this is the finance episode. Everything I've learned the hard way about money and all my little tricks around everything to do with finances. To preface this, because some people are going to get real upset because I don't play by the book. Life has never played by the rules, so I learned to stop playing by them.
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29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Truly, because I've been around, met, and seen a lot of people who are all in this investment space and they are broke dick. Like, yeah, they was living large. They was doing great. A lot of these little influencers are like, oh, I'll teach you how to invest, bro. I'll teach you to teach you that. Look at them all now. Where their Lamborghini Uruses go, I don't trust the whole like...
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Learning from people to invest and buying a course and all that crap. I don't personally concern myself with it. The whole thing, everybody's shoving it on everybody's throat. You need to be investing. You need stocks. Shut the fuck up enough. I want to like bark at that in the back of your head because I don't want you worrying about it. Don't stress about it. Don't think about it.
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29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You'll know when it's time to invest. I could be a full dumbass and be missing out on a lot of money. I really don't mind. I don't care. I've turned down so many opportunities of like brand deals, partnerships, all this crap. Yeah, I could have much more money, but like if I'm not even desperate enough to sell out for it, I'm not going to stress myself out playing in the stock market.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I'll go to the casino before I do that. On the topic of investing, I do like to invest in goals and things that you want to do. So like, I'm big on like committing hard and investing. So the pain of quitting is harder than continuing when you have a goal or something. So I have a nutrition coach again. I hired him. I'm getting back on my shit. My birthday's coming up. I'm trying to go to Cabo.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
you're getting fucked like that's one thing to get is like all these companies and the credit cards everybody's trying to get you when it comes to money because they want to make money too stop getting got stop letting these people get you okay you wanted to splurge you had like a bender or you had like a spiral moment and you're like fuck it and i bought this thing okay
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I'm not going to be talking about anything illegal, but I'm going to talk about all of the things from my financial life, from being broke dick to being where I am now, chilling, doing great. So this is not me telling you what to do, kinda, but this is everything that I do and have done from the start to now. And this is everything I wish I knew sooner.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I'm trying to be on the beach. So I got to get my body right. I've been slacking for a little bit. But I hire a nutrition coach when I'm ready to get back in the groove of shit. Buy a more expensive gym membership. Buy clothes to work out with. Buy equipment. If you want to start doing something, making something, buy a laptop.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If you want to start making content or doing things, buy the equipment. Fork out and be nauseous at how much you just invested into your goal because it's like... it's going to piss you off every day when it just sits there. Like you buy a camera, it just sits there and you just look at it and you walk by, you're like, that's two grand every fucking day. I just got to look at.
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29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
It's your choice if you make it be a waste of money or not. So I'm very big on investing in your goals and investing money where it like hurts a little, it pisses you off. So you're forced to kind of like act and do what you're supposed to do and do what you're trying to do. Make it harder to quit. So that's a big thing where I say, yeah, invest.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And speaking of investing, I'm going to talk about investing in business events and business seminars. Save your fucking money. I paid $5,000 recently to go to a business event of people that I trust and look up to and have helped me a lot. I love their free content. Their books have been great. When I got to the event, it wasn't really for me.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
It wasn't really what I needed or wanted when I did the phone call to like, be approved to go, the person assured me, yeah, that's exactly, we can help you with all that. the event turned into them just upselling you into a fucking $35,000 thing where you work with them one-on-one twice a year, every six months. And then it's like, Oh, if you don't buy it today, we're going to charge you 45,000.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I hate that. I say it's a waste. Cause I'm not going to let it be a waste. I've let it like kick me into overdrive and piss me off where I'm going to make it worth it. I learned a couple of things, but not $5,000 worth and like networking and connecting save it. Don't worry about the business events. Read the books. Watch the videos. Watch the free shit. Go to your little Barnes & Noble.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Go on Amazon. Buy some books. Read as much as you can. Consume as much as you can and act. You learn more by doing. Like, I am glad that I went. I... Learned my lesson. I paid five grand for the peace of mind. I ain't going to no shit like that again. Most of it's just like trying to upsell you into something else. Another thing with courses, a lot of people online.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Oh, I make a million dollars a year. Buy my course. I'm going to teach you exactly how. Don't get caught in none of these scams and schemes and all this shit. People who are really making a million dollars a year... are not going to be making a course to tell you how to do it. They're busy making the money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If you see somebody who's like, oh, my course is going to help you be a millionaire, just know that you buying their course is their income. That's how they allegedly make the million. A lot of these people lie about the numbers that they... that they make and they lie about their income because they want to upsell you. And then a lot of people you'll get into their course.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And then it's just how to do what they just fucking did, which is sell courses to people on how to make money. And that's your income. It's a pyramid scheme from hell. There's more than you think. There's more than you realize. So my rule of thumb is when you see somebody online,
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You're allowing these banks and these companies to take advantage of you when you're weak and emotionally vulnerable. You do something, and then they're going to compound on top of it. Yeah, you're going to pay us extra because you got weak for a second. Don't let them do that. Turn this into an ego game if you actually want to beat debt.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If their free content has not changed your life or helped you or improved something, there is a 100% chance nothing behind their paywall will help you either. If it's all just an act to like get you to buy something, you're going to know. So if they're not genuinely trying to help with free shit, They're not going to try to help you. Their goal is making money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
They're trying to loop you in, not post things that are going to help. You know, go on Google. I never will tell you go on Reddit, but go on Reddit. Go look up some forums. Go look up some reviews about certain people's courses before you buy them. And you'll see who's full of shit from other people who have paid the money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
So my last section for this whole topic about finances is about shopping and travel, how I save money with both of those things. But I'm not posting it here because I don't want y'all getting all the information bumping me out the sales I'm trying to get into. Okay, I'm going to post that on my sub stack. And I know I just talk shit about people with courses. The Substack's not a course.
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29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
That's my private group where I hang out and go live and post details like this that I don't want everybody knowing. It's like the close-knit like Leo community. So if you want to join, I'll put the link in the description. But that's all I got for this week's episode. If you liked it, leave this video a thumbs up and comment a money emoji.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I always say comment a certain emoji at the end of the episodes. I like to see who makes it this far. So comment a little money emoji, a little money bag, a little something. If you're listening on the audio version on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, leave this podcast a five stars rating and hit the download button. It helps me a ton. For real, hit the fucking download button.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I'd prefer that over the five stars. Thank you. Love you. As always, everything you need from me will be in the description where you can keep up with me. I have been posting a lot on TikTok. My whole meal plan that I've been doing. If you want to like eat along with me because I got two weeks where I'm in Cabo. I gotta look good. But everything you need from me is in the description.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Also working on some new merch. I switched manufacturers and the journal. I've talked about the journal for a while. That I'm going to make perfect. I had to switch people. We in a whole new design process, but trust and believe it's coming. My version of a gratitude journal and my version of other things are coming too. Because I don't like that whole, today I'm grateful for this.
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29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Shut the fuck up. I'm so excited for the journal. I just need to get the right person who can make it. But that's it for this week. Thanks for hanging out. Love you so bad. Everybody be safe. Take care of yourself. Get your money right. Get your finances right. I just told you how. I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Like, if you want to stop going into credit card debt, play the game. Get your ego involved. Have one with this. This is what did it for me. But I never, ever carry a balance on a credit card. And the way that I look at credit cards... is if I don't have the money in my checking account, I'm not putting it on a credit card. So don't buy things that you can't afford. It's not free money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You're basically like borrowing money and you're not giving it back. So yeah, you're going to get slapped with interest. But I'm now luckily in a position where I don't handle my finances anymore. I don't pay my credit cards. I got a team of people who do it for me. It's great. Chef's kiss. But when I was paying my credit cards, I paid them every single week.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
just out of paranoia and a lot of people say oh you should carry a little bit of a balance it helps with the credit i never listened to that i don't care i'm not like it just stressed me out so bad every week i was paying the fucking things off max every two weeks i was paying them off that's just how i got into the routine of not overspending and watching the numbers because if you ain't got the money don't spend it but when i said if you're in credit card debt
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You're broke, you are. Student loans, mortgages, cars, everything else like that, that's a little different. I have a couple things I'm gonna say after my little rant about the credit card debt shit. It's so common now. Everybody really is in credit card debt. I don't care how much society normalizes credit card debt, it's fine, it's fine, just treat yourself, get what you want.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
No, don't normalize being in credit card debt because it's going to sneak up on you and it's going to fuck you. Like I said, they don't charge you for the amount that you paid off. They charge you for the whole thing you owed if it's not fully paid off. So keep that in the back of your head. I'm talking live like you're broke. Why are you going out doing things? You ain't got no money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If you're in credit card debt, no, you don't get to do shit. And my approach mentally with this is the same as when I'm dieting or trying to hit certain fitness goals. I have that harsh mentality around eating and also spending. If you want to get a grip on it, there's no other reality. There are so many reasons why people are in debt. There are things that are not your fault.
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29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
But you have to take responsibility for the place that you're in. If you're in debt, nobody's going to come take it off of you. If you overspent that credit card for whatever reason that is justified in your head and whatever reason other people could look at you and say, I fully understand it. Nobody's going to look at you and say, I fully understand this one thing happening.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And then you got stuck in credit card debt for a year. Irresponsibility with money is like something people don't want to talk about, but I'm a no bullshit approach to everything in life, especially when it comes to money. Like people have a lot more money than they think. They just don't have awareness of their spending.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
It's like when you first start learning how to count calories, you're like, damn, I didn't realize I was being so careless. Get your eyes on your budget. Get your eyes on what you're spending too. And start looking at how careless you've been. It's not your fault. There's no one to teach us this shit.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Fixing bad spending habits and bad financial habits is harder than quitting drugs. From my own personal experience, I don't know what it is. Getting money right in your head is harder than quitting a substance. And I'm talking a lot of different ones, not the crazy, crazy shit. I ain't never been under that. But finances are no joke.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And if you're in a bad financial spot, okay, don't beat yourself up for what you've done in the past. Just change going forward. I'm not over here to like bully you and abuse you. Because like I said, no one teaches us this shit. We got trigonometry in high school. There's so many things you're not taught in life. So... There is a big period of everyone as an adult trying to figure it out.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And this is what I figured out that worked. So I'm going to share it. But you being in debt is nobody's responsibility but your own. Certain circumstances will push you into bad financial spots. You can get out. It's just not going to be fun. And the worst, worst thing is when life or something bad happens and it puts you in a financial pit. The last thing you want to do is be like, okay...
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
This unfair thing just happened, and now I'm going to have to go live like I'm absolutely broke to get out of this debt. You're allowed to be pissed off. You're allowed to be angry. But there's no justifying your way out of it. You got to pay it off. So, like I said, medical bills, those will get you. Medical bills and other types of debt... like student loan debt are all different.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
With medical bills, I'll give you a couple of pointers because I was a nurse. I still am a nurse legally. But if your medical debt has been sold to a debt collector, you can fight that it's a HIPAA violation if you want to. I'm not going to push you. Do what you want. But go Google some shit. Go learn some things. Go research some things. You might be able to get some debt taken care of.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Also, with insurance companies and any kind of medical debt, ask and demand an itemized list of what the charges are and what the money's for. And if you don't recall getting certain treatment or certain things that they're saying you got when you were at the hospital or going to certain visits, decline it. Dispute it. Fight it. There's no, like...
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
harming it and trying to fight it and get your bills knocked down. Buck back all these people who are trying to buck you. Student loan stuff. Call them after a few years and see what... I'm not telling you what to do. Go Google it. Go research it. But these are options you got. So someone just says, oh, you owe this amount of money? Fight it. Fuck with them. See what you can bargain.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
See what you can haggle. And you might be able to get it brought down. One more thing I also want to point out is I'm not someone sitting over here who...
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
has like a giant trust fund and i have like people to help me like i don't have to budget and deal with i've been broke before like my first 40 episodes of my podcasts are only audio the first almost year of my podcast was only audio because i couldn't afford camera equipment i couldn't afford the mic this is like five six hundred bucks i don't know how much it is now i bought it years ago but the
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I couldn't afford the stuff at the time. When I first moved to Houston and left my hometown a few years ago and started my podcast and was doing all this, I was eating chicken and rice and canned vegetables for months. I know what it's like to struggle. I know what it's like to be pissed off and irritated and have to live like that.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
But it's very character building and it makes you very resourceful and it's kind of fun. And low key, I miss those times. Like I miss those days now. I'll never be in that position again because I'll never allow myself to. I've set myself up financially where no matter what, I'll be fine. But I kind of miss that. Like the set yourself up mode.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
There's more I'm going to get into about the living broke stuff to get yourself into a secured spot. But let's move on to budgeting. And my whole...
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
perspective on that so i heard about that whole like envelope thing long time ago i forget who it was i don't remember who it was online somebody's talking about oh the envelope thing you make a fucking envelope and you get your cash from your checks every week and you separate your money with different things for your bills I liked that. I did that.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And it's so much more emotional and so much more stressful than people think and like explain online. So I'm gonna tell you like from the core of it, And also help you with the emotional pieces of it. Because it's a pain. It's a weird comfort. Bad spending habits and bad relationships with money is a comfort. And for me also, money and food... The way that I approach each one mirror each other.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I opened seven different checking accounts and I used the envelope method with the different checking accounts to store money away for different things. And all your bills that you have make different categories for each one. But one really, really big extra envelope I always add is piss away money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
So every time you get paid, every time you get some money, you divide it up into your little categories. Add money into your Piss Away account so you have money to piss away. It's like when you go out and you see something. It's like, I want that. And then it's not the constant, oh no, I can't have this, can't have that.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You have money to piss away and you have money if you want something stupid, you can go buy something stupid. And it's the little things that make you happy. Money makes you happy. Buying certain things brings you joy. There's a little ghost that I have that I bought when I was in Houston and it was $20. Back then, me buying that ghost for 20 bucks, I think it was 25 bucks.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
It was like, damn, but I have my little piss away money spot. So I pulled the 25 bucks out of there and bought myself a little ghost. That little ghost, I still have it. I put it out every Halloween. It makes me so happy. There are going to be things that just make you happy for no fucking reason. Buy them. Have money set aside to buy them. I used to have envelopes so detailed out when I had hair.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I would get my haircut every week. I put 50 bucks a week in the envelope to have for my haircut. Like I would separate my money boots. Like it was very organized. Very nice. But the thing that it did to me mentally and the reason I like this method is you're preparing and you feel prepared for bills and expenses. You're not a victim to them.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You're not just getting bitched around by constant things popping up. Oh, I got to pay this. I got to pay that. And you're just like confused and you feel like I just can't get ahead. So putting the money aside and splitting it up in different checking accounts or the envelope method. It makes you feel more prepared, but there's a big emotional shift that has to happen.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
I don't want to get too spiritual into all this about the whole thing with money. I have other episodes that are a little more spiritual about money, but that's a big thing is preparing. Now, the other thing with the checking accounts is I cut up the credit cards for all of them, except one. my main checking account, like my spending one.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And then I had my other debit card for my business checking account. The reason I only had the one debit card is because when I wanted to buy something, I had to go in and transfer the money out of my piss away account and put it in there. Or if I had a certain bill come up, I had to transfer the money from that thing to the checking account to pay it.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
So I only was spending out of the one account, but I had the other one set aside. And that's how I put the money in and move it around. This is also very self-esteem building when you have something that you need money for and you're like, wait, I can go to myself for it. And I can go to one of my other accounts and I have the money for here. I'll just transfer it over. Boom, I gave myself money.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
You become a lot more confident and you feel more stable in life because you're not like having a bill pop up. You're like, ah, what do I do? Who do I go to? It's like this frantic shit. You don't have that because you already got the money side of side. So it's self-esteem building when you know you got your own back and it's like, hey, hey, my other account, look at me.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And one thing not a lot of people say is how isolating it is when you're trying to get your finances in check and you're trying to fix the way you spend money. Maybe save a little money. Maybe get out of debt. It is very isolating. And the point that I'm going to bring up with that is you don't have to stop trying. going out with people, being around people, going to eat.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
Be strategic and be smart. And one thing with me being Albanian that was very hard is when the bill comes at a restaurant, usually I was always the one to pay. With my family, with my close friends, yes. But with friends, guy friends, other girlfriends, it's like it was hard for me to say that the bills are separate.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
So my eating habits got better when my money habits got better and it went the opposite way too. The better I got with money, the even better my relationship to food got. It's a weird thing about restriction and when to spend, when to eat, when to not, you know, when to save, all that shit. So let's do this. Let's jump into it. I made a big list of everything.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If you cannot lay down the boundary and tell your friends that the bill is separate, if you can't let yourself stop being taken advantage of by people that you don't care about more than everybody else. So you got your inner circle and then you got like the second layer of the circle. Don't be buying people drinks. Don't be buying people dinners. Don't be doing none of that.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
If you can't lay down the boundary, remove the temptation. If you can't say the checks are separate, you pay for what you got, then don't go. Same thing with food. If you can't be around cake and say no, then get rid of the fucking temptation. Don't even have it around. It's like the same thing with food. Like I said, it mirrors.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
But that's one thing that helped me a lot is removing that obligation and just like committing like, okay, yeah, it's going to be uncomfortable for a little bit. from my cultural background to not take care of the bill. But it gets easier. When you're dealing with Americans, it's fine. That's their normal. So it's not like a big deal.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
And you might feel like it's a big deal to only pay for yourself with like distant friends or like just whatever, like party friends, whoever. But it's not going to be that uncomfortable. And everybody's going to kind of get it. And also, if people start... not wanting to hang out because yeah, you got to float your own bill. You just weed it out of fucking mooch. So good job.
Aware and Aggravated
29. How I Manage Money & Tips From Every Level
One thing I will say about budgeting that a lot of people do not agree with is when it comes to a car, A lot of people get so mad and pissy. They got like a hard-on for telling everybody, get a piece of shit car. Don't have a car, no. No, okay? Get the nice car. Get the reliable car. Don't be getting nothing fancy crazy, but buying a newer car, get it under warranty.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But if he's not the type of clinically insane where he has, like, hospitalization periods, he's just someone, like, I talk about with these TikTok people who are, like, making me ill and they need all this shit. A lot of people use their, like, mental illnesses as an excuse for their behavior when they don't want to take responsibility. So...
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
It's like the typical thing of like when a guy cheats on you and he's like, oh, well, it's when my grandmother died when I was two. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. People use it as an excuse all the time. So one question to ask yourself, is that the kind of love you want? Is somebody who abandons you? Maybe that's the way he shows love. Okay.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
He loves you so bad, but he's still going to do what he wants to do regardless of how you feel. Is that the kind of love you want? Is that kind of love ever going to get you where you want to go in life? If you want kids, if you want marriage, if you want someone that's actually around, is that the person that you should be dedicating your time to? No.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
If you said something stupid, okay, learn from it. Don't say it no more. But if you're crying at night because you don't like who you are with yourself, okay, what's the problem? You know exactly what to do. Why you don't like yourself? What's going to make you want to hang out with you a little more? It's really not that fucking hard. Nobody just wants to do it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
If you want to go for like a crazy time, have a blast with life and have some Lana Del Rey type shit, go for it. Have fun with your little looney tune. But if you're asking me like, Do I think he loves you in his own little way? But do you want somebody who loves like that? Who could be so in love with you, it's always me and you, and then they're going to run away for a year?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
That could not be me. I would hit him with the car. I would chase you down and run you down. okay next i matched with a guy on tinder i found out he used to talk to my old friend they never met in person am i in the wrong to seek something out with him her and i have not been friends since august of 2024 and i had no idea they used to talk Okay, he talked to your old friend. That's one piece.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Nothing was serious. Okay, so they talked. My moral code always comes in on this situation. It all depends on how you left things off with that friend. If it was the friendship where it was like a fallout and it was a fuck you or a betrayal or y'all are not on good terms, go be with him if you want to be with him. Bets are off. No loyalty is owed.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But if it's a friendship where it was one of those that, like, faded out or, like, you kind of just, like, grew your own separate ways but, like, you still care from afar, text her or just call her. Be like, hey, no, we haven't talked, whatever. Start a conversation and ask her if she's cool with it. I personally would do that.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But if it's a bitch you don't fuck with no more and she did something wrong to you, okay, fine. Go play with him. Go fiddle his ditto if you want to. Who cares? The loyalty and the respect is owed when there's nothing damaging or any kind of betrayal has gone on. I'd say definitely reach out to the friend if you guys was cool. But yeah, that's what I would do. Actually, what am I thinking?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I would not be on Tinder. That's what Leo would do. Leo would not be on fucking Tinder. And this is a fucking serial dater. He matched with your friend, talked to her, matched with you. You just another bitch in his pond. Sorry. I don't mean to sound so harsh about that, but like men on dating apps are mad weird. Leo would not be on Tinder. Leo would block everybody.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Next person sent in a little would you rather. They said, would you rather spend your life in a relationship that didn't have that magic because it's secure and you're somewhat happy or spend a brief time with an amazing love for only a short period of time? Security is not what removes the magic. The magic happens for me when we're secure. I would rather have the long one.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Then the short, brief one. With an amazing love for only a short period of time. I don't want to lose that. But you can make the secure relationship where you're somewhat happy be one where you're very much happy. You want to feel magic? Do Molly together. You want to take it there? You want to have the sex of the spark and crazy love? There you go. But like... I would want the long one.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You're not leaving me. If I love you so bad, you love me so bad. Till death do us part. That's the only way. So if you want to leave, die. I don't want the, oh, it was an amazing love for a short period of time. What happened? Did somebody kill them? Because I would have to go to prison. I would have to kill them for killing the person I love so bad. You know, it's not going to be a good time.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I would do the long one. Yes. Okay, like security to me, that is what makes it magic. What the hell else you need? Security comes with loyalty, respect, and trust. And safety. Like emotional safety. You could talk. Like you did. How you only a little bit happy and it's secure. What the fuck is wrong with you? Me mad at you like this is not just a would you rather question.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Like nobody wants to look at themselves and be like, okay, everybody else likes me, but I don't. And I'm going to cry about it. I get it. Like that's the hard part is looking at yourself. Okay. Why don't I like me? And then be that. But you're also going to have to trade off some of the other relationships with what you change to like about yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I'm going to nitpick it apart. But I'm taking the secure relationship. I'm good. Because you said the crazy fast kind of love is not secure because you said it's secure, but you'd rather have the other one. So now I don't want that toxic shit. I would like a long, secure, nice relationship. I'll make it toxic. Don't worry about that. Okay, this next one I really want to make sure I talk about.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Someone said, would you still buy Father's Day, birthday, and Christmas gifts for your ex that you share a child with that's under one when they cheated on you? Or would you wait until your child was older to pick out the gifts themselves? I'm so conflicted. We don't have a good relationship, but he wants to be involved with the kid.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
He says he wants nothing to do with me, but wants stuff to do with her. I left because he was on Tinder and messaging other girls while in the delivery room. I don't believe he would return the thought if I got him stuff for those significant days. Don't you fucking dare buy him a single gift. Don't you dare spend a second with your pretty little fingers writing him a single card.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
It's a warped... Like, I know you want to, like... Talk to him and it's your way of doing it through your kid. Like, oh, the baby got you a card. The baby got you a gift. You both know that it was you. Do not. It's not your obligation. It's not your responsibility. You're not a bad mother if you don't do that. The kid doesn't know what's going on.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
And for the dad, if he expects you to be doing that, that's some manipulation bullshit. Do not. This man was on Tinder while you were pushing out your child. I hope your family was there and they jumped him in the parking lot. Wow. I know you feel bad. And I know you want to do this stuff. I hope you don't fucking want to. But... I know you feel like obligated to do it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You're not obligated at all. If he needed like reassurance or like outside neutral perspective, you got it. I'm genuinely sorry that you're in this position, but I'm so proud of you for leaving him. But you left the obligation to do anything for him also when you left him. So don't let it eat you up. Don't let it make you feel bad. You should never feel bad.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
If you bought a bird and trained it to shit on his car every single time you saw him, you still shouldn't feel bad. That's what he gets. Next person said, can you do a video about banking stuff? No one has taught me about it and I'm scared to mess it up. Is that something y'all would want? Is like my advice about finances and like what I've learned about banking and credit cards and all that shit.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Because when I was 18, I didn't know what credit was. I heard everybody talking about credit this, credit that. I was like, I don't know what the fuck that is. So when I was 18, I went into the bank and I was like, hey... And I sat down with one of the bank tellers and I was like, what is credit?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
And she took me in her office and like pulled out this thing and explained to me what it was and then set me up with a secured credit card. And I'll like, should I make an episode? Do y'all want that or no? I feel like everybody could like benefit from it because I take advantage of the points. when you use credit cards. And I also have tactics of like getting shit for free.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You're not going to be just molding your personality to be everything that everybody else wants you to be. For you to stop crying by yourself, you might have to make other people cry a little. And that's okay. It's the way to cookie crumble. Okay, next person said, my mom and dad are separated. I got into a fight with my dad. He's a drug dealer. So I have a lot of resentment. Why?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I just got a PlayStation five for free. Cause I had so many fucking points. I've got myself a PlayStation and it was free from the credit cards. So if you want my like tips and like what I've learned in my journey on it, I will make an episode. Just comment and tell me. All right. Next person said my unemployed.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
sorry my unemployed dad takes a thousand dollars from me in rent he ends up getting like 4.3k from my mom me and his government aid but we're somehow still in debt he's abusive as hell but i don't want to leave my 11 year old sister here with him if you want to know if you should move out if you're old enough to move out Yes, and take the sister with you.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Or if you can't legally take the sister with you, you don't live in the US because of the way you typed. I clocked it. So you might have different rules about where you live. But if you get your own place and your sister has a place she can escape to, you're set. She might have to live with the parents legally, but if she can always just escape to your place and come to you, that's fine.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But if you do want to stay to protect her and make sure that she's good, your dad taking $1,000 from you for rent, I would look at it like it's like paying rent to stay somewhere. I wouldn't look at him like I owe you shit. Like you're my dad. Okay. I pay you a thousand bucks. I'm going to treat you like a roommate. I would walk in and walk out. You don't get to tell me what to do.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You don't get to call the shots. I'm paying the money and ask money to shut the fuck up. This is from my room that I've got here. That's how I would look at it mentally. So you don't get too caught up in like being the whole like good kid dynamic and like still feeling like you fall into like child obligations to your dad, who's clearly a dumbass and doesn't care about your family.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Like how you get a 4.3 K every month, taking it from the wife and the kid. How is a man taking money from the wife and the kids? Oh my God, I want to beat my head into the wall with today's society. That makes me disgusted. Truly. Like I'm disgusted for you and I feel so bad for you. Him being a failure as a father is not the concern here.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Like I said, look at it like a thousand bucks is paying your rent and treat him like a roommate. You don't owe him shit. That's how I would look at it. And if he's got a problem with it and you looking at him like a roommate, say, okay, I'm paying you a thousand bucks to live here. If you prefer, I leave and go get my own place. I will.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
It kind of like puts you in the dominant position when it comes to that like emotional shit of like, you're my son. No. But my first thing still stands of like get your own place and have an escape for your sister where you can go also for your mom if your mom needs to escape and go somewhere. That's what I would do.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Because the thousand bucks you're already spending, just consider that going to a place of your own. Go get it. Okay, next person said, how to stop feeling so guilty when I say no to people. If there's something I don't want to do and I say no, I always feel super guilty. Then I feel bad and do it anyways. How do I stop feeling so guilty? Stop doing shit out of obligation.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
And I know it's easier said than done, but just look at it from the perspective of Would you want someone to do something for you or hang out with you or do something that you asked them to do that they really didn't want to do just because they felt bad? Would you want them to do that? Would you want them to have to do that? No.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
So the same way that you're forcing yourself to do that for other people is They can feel it. Like, you know when someone doesn't want to be somewhere or they're just like doing something out of obligation, you can feel it. It's an element of disconnection also. You're never going to feel close to them. You're like, oh, I'm just obligated with the fact.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You're going to be so excited to go be back by yourself. Learning how to say no is, gives you freedom to do what you actually want to do. Because if you always just go with obligation, you're not doing anything loving for that person.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Ain't nothing wrong with doing what you got to do sometimes. I'm just kidding. One time we got into a fight and I swung on him. 17 years old. My mom called the cops on me. Now I'm 25 and trying to figure out if I should ever forgive her. She's also abandoned my brothers. And now she has my sister who's five years old.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I know that's harsh and it's like hard to hear, but that's a perspective that set me free is I wouldn't want other people to do shit for me out of obligation and have that like low key little like underlying resentment towards me. So I set it up where everybody's fully fine to tell me no, no hard feelings, no nothing. I don't give a damn. I have fun with myself regardless.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
So if people don't want to come do something, okay, I'm still going to go. But the other thing with the guilt, when you feel bad and then you decide to go, you're basically just trading off one feeling state for another. So you're trading off the guilt that you feel. You're like, okay, you're sitting here in the guilt. I said, no, I didn't want to do it, but I feel so bad in the guilt.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I'm going to trade for a feeling state of being drained and going to do whatever I have to do and dragging myself through it. You're just trading off which one you want to have. So if you're used to trading the guilt, that's the one that you're weakest to. You need to sit there in the guilt and understand it. Why do you feel so guilty? Why do you feel like a bad person?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
What bad thing you think is going to happen because you said no to this thing? That's the time to reflect. You keep running from it. So sit in it for a second. Stop being weak to guilt because the way people behave and the way people act when they feel guilty is not them. And it's not logical. You get to agree on all kinds of shit. That's not logical because you just feel guilty. Don't do it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Learn how to sit with the guilt. And if you don't do it, you'll be forced to do it because you're gonna keep going and going and going and going with the obligation. You're gonna get to a point where you're burned out, you're tired, you're exhausted. Maybe an ailment hits you and you have to stop doing things. Your body will stop you if you don't stop.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
So you only really got one option and it's not to live your life out of obligation. If it's something that you know is good for you and it's like good for both of you, then you should do it. And it's in line with your goals, but you're like, I just don't want to do it. Flip the perspective and find a better feeling way to go into it and then go do it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But don't do it when you're just negative pissed off. If it's good for you, go for it. If it's not, say no and sit there and go. Stop trading off that feeling state. Don't let your emotions run you. That's 2024 shit. Oh no. Next person said, I want a ring from a jeweler that makes them unique, which I've looked at for about two years. And he knows I don't like typical wedding rings.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
My boyfriend wants a ring from a jeweler that he will have lifetime warranty on. He wants me to change my mind. What would Leo do? I don't want to say change your partner. I would say have a conversation first. His main concern being financial. I'm going to get the ring with the lifetime warranty just because I know I'm supposed to get you a fucking ring. He's not excited to get you a ring.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
and to give you that moment of being engaged and being married. That's a girl's biggest moment. Maybe you need to explain that to him, how much engagements and rings mean to a woman. Little girls grow up waiting their whole fucking life for that. So maybe explain that to him, because it ain't the same for men.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But if he's over here just concerned about the price of the ring and it has to have a warranty, He wants you to accept what's best for him and makes it easier for him if something breaks. So he can go get it replaced. Don't have to afford to pay for nothing else, which other than a fancy ring.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
And I'll be moving closer to help with my sister because my baby sister's dad just went to treatment. I don't know if I'm keeping up with the whole fucking story, but this sounds like a Madea movie. Hit him with a frying pan. So the thing you want to know about is should you have a relationship with your mom after what happened? I would say no. She failed you as a mom.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
He's more concerned about bending you to do what's easier for him instead of giving you the ring that you want. What the fuck? Genuinely. Girl, get the ring. How much is the ring? I'll buy you the fucking ring. At this point. And don't budge. This is non-negotiable because it's not unrealistic. It's not you being a bitch. It's not you being anything. Like I just explained, it's deeper than that.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Stand on that 10 toes down. He might. I'm going to tell you how this is going to fucking go. This man is not prepared for you to stand up and say, no. When you do, he might sit there and be all tough stuff. You stand there 10 toes the fuck down because first night you have your little discussion about it. No, I'm not bending. He's going to try and maybe be a little rude.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
He's going to be stern in his approach. Well, then maybe it's not going to happen then. Okay, go to bed or leave. Okay, that's fine. Leave the house, go stay with your mom, go stay at a hotel, whatever you're going to do. Prove your point. That motherfucker's going to be calling you like a baby back. Puto, trust and believe. Men are always tough stuff when they're logic.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
When the conversation's happening, all logic. Later, when he thinks about it, he's going to be crying like a little titty baby, calling you, I'll get you the ring. I'll get you four. Please don't leave me. Yeah. Yeah, you're welcome. Stand ten toes down on that ring, baby. Oh, here we go. I caught feelings for a serial cheater. Help. We were really close friends.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I was considering if I should garden or not before this a little bit. You know, take the edge up, relax. But I need to be level-headed. This week we're doing a What Would Leo Do? Hi friends. First person said, sometimes I think I'm just the best person ever, but why I be crying at night?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
me three months ago could have wrote that is that me hey hey you is that me let me do what my pisces brain does i gotta stare at it for a second so i can read deeper into it sometimes i think i'm just the best person ever but why i'd be crying at night i assume you're crying at night because of yourself but when i've felt like this where i'm like i don't see what's the issue why i'd be upset like when you have to deal with what you have to deal with at night alone by yourself
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
There was a video that I saw recently on TikTok. And I think I might insert it of this woman just telling you how it is. Okay. I'm going to put her name too. I love her. But this is what you need to hear about a cheater. Ah, damn. Someone just said my husband cheated on me three times. What do I do?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You see, you need to get rid of that stomach pain. You just need to shit. Okay, you need to get rid of it. If that ain't the best advice I ever heard. All right, next question. This one is serious and it made me sad. How to console an eight-year-old kid who lost two fingers in an accident? It's going to be obvious and clear to them that they are different when they're at school and shit.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
They're going to get bullied for it. That's just the way that society is, unfortunately. But you didn't say if you were the parent or you're just someone trying to help the kid. I would say treat them like they are absolutely normal once the healing phase is done. Do not make all of the attention and the focus be on the fingers all the time.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
After they're healed and it's adjusted, okay, when you walk in the door, hi, my baby, give him a kiss, give him a hug. Don't mention the fingers. Don't look at them. Treat them absolutely normal. Kids are going to look to you for the sense of normal and like stable and like what your attention is on is what they're going to have their attention on. So you want to help them understand
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
learn how to live without the two fingers that they lost in a way where it feels like it's not impeding anything. The quickest way to do it is to stop bringing attention to it, where it's like the constant, oh, I'm so sorry, with the babying them, with the limiting them. Like once they're healed, Thank you very much. ,,,,,,,, B B B B B d,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.'G.'G.'G.'G.'G.'G.'G.'G. 'G. A.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You got into an altercation with her boyfriend and she called the cops on you. In my opinion, in my book, your mom failed you. Your mom failed as a mother in that situation. Did you go to jail or anything? Did you do time? Did they press charges? Like, I need more information. Most people write way too little or way too much where I don't want to fucking read it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
B B B B Thank you. I don't ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I don't know what I'm doing. What is it? ,,,,
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But this situation, don't feel bad. If you don't want to have a relationship with your mom again, don't. She's a liability. Whenever something happens, that's a liability standing there in the corner. You're going to have to worry and watch your own ass. And that's something you never should have to do around your family, in my opinion. Your family should be there no matter what.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Your whole hesitation is valid with trying to have a relationship with your mom again. A lot of people are not going to tell you that. A lot of people play the whole, oh, it's your parent. It doesn't fucking matter the title. If someone betrays you this hard, anyone can become a liability and a threat to you regardless of their title. So your mom clearly showed that
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
There's no concern for you over her partner. And there's no concern for your future because you were 17 when it happened. Your mom called the cops knowing that would make a record for you. What an irresponsible and inconsiderate. That's someone who gave birth. Like you don't have that maternal instinct of like protect your child. Come on. I don't get that.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
And I'm getting a little heated with this one. I knew I should have smoked. But don't feel bad for not wanting to have a relationship or feeling hesitant to have a relationship. Betrayal has been done. Betrayal has happened. It's a common theme here. We don't believe in forgiveness. Some things can be forgiven, but some things are unforgivable. And disloyalty...
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
is never forgiven, and it never should be, no matter the title. If you want to challenge it, a lot of people get mad because I say I don't believe in forgiveness. Like, oh, that's against religion. Where the fuck is Lucifer? If you want to bring religion into it, this loyalty is never forgiven, and it is punished, because where is Lucifer? Exactly. Don't feel bad. Don't feel guilty.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Do what you got to do. If you don't want to have a relationship, don't have one. If you do want to have one, you watch your ass. And I would lay down a line of like never being around the boyfriend if he's still around or if there's any new partners that come around. The stove already burnt you once. Don't let it burn you twice.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But I know that feeling of like when you miss your mom and you want to talk to her and see her. Unfortunately... your mom comes with a lot of risk, but I understand the heartstring that's being pulled. If you want to try it and you want to go have a relationship because you genuinely want to, not because everybody around you is guilty and you go for it and do it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
And if you don't, you have zero reason to feel guilty for it. All right, next, what would you do if you're having the feeling like you are behind in life compared to others of the same age? I don't, relate to that. And I don't care. There's a lot of people my age who have a lot of more traditional things that they've accomplished and done, like gotten married and had kids and shit.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I'm choosing my own little life path, wherever it's going to go, wherever it's going to take me. Like, yeah, I'm speaking from a perspective of like, okay, I've become successful and I've got a lot of shit going for me. So it's a little different when I'm talking about it, but I really don't give a damn.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
And in the past I've felt behind before, but I just used it to look at my life and be like, okay, it's not feeling behind that I was like bothered about. It's seeing other people my age doing more. Made me realize what the fuck I'm doing. Don't just sit there in the guilt about it. Okay, you feel behind. Okay, why? What do you want to change and then change it? What are you going to do?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Just sit there and be sad and just, oh, I just feel so behind. You're never going to be able to think your way into better actions. You got to act your way into better thoughts. So if you don't like where you're at, don't just sit there and be, oh, I'm still behind. Run faster.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
If you realize you're running a race and you behind and you losing, you number three, not even number two, you slipped, you fucked up, you number three. If you don't realize you're number three in the race and don't get that like adrenaline spike of like, oh, I'm going to sprint. That's what's supposed to happen. Start sprinting. Okay, start making up for lost time. Do your shit.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Usually you're the best person for everybody else, but not yourself. Cause like you can look around logically and see how you're there for other people. You see, Oh, I know why this person would like me. I know why this person cares. Like all the external boxes are checked. You feel good.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
And you're not behind because you don't have what they have. So figure out exactly what you want. Because it's not what everybody else has. You're just being triggered to think about it. So think about it. And then run towards that. Behind for what? Who the fuck says who's behind who? Like, what's the ideal life supposed to be? Because everybody I know that's my age, 26 and married with kids...
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
They miss a boo. They don't like what they doing. They feel trapped. They have no freedom. There's a give and a take. Also, that's one thing to ask yourself if you feel behind. Do you even fucking want what society is telling you you should have at this age? Do you want it? I fucking don't. I don't want to be paying for kids and shit. I want to be going to Versace store, having fun.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
My birthday's coming up. I'm almost a year with no alcohol. Can't wait to get drunk. I'm going to Cabo. That's what I would like to be doing at my age. Not over here with a kid. For what? Because society says so. Boo hoo. I don't give a damn. I'm trying to have fun. Okay, next. Here we go. I feel like I'm the only person that can meet my standards.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I don't know if it's too high or what, but I feel like since I meet my own standards, they aren't too high. But then again, I haven't met anyone that I feel genuinely meets my standards dating wise. I only have two good friends who do meet my standards. So should I drop them a little or no? How do you not see what you're saying?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I don't think there'll be anybody who will ever meet my standard, but I do have two best friends who meet them. Two best friends who meet your standards is more than most people have. You have two, not just one, but two people who meet your standards. As a friend. And you're over here questioning if there's a partner out there. Potentially. You already got two people living proof.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You got it in your life already. How hard is it for them to be who they are? You see it's not hard. It's not hard for you to be who you are. So when you meet somebody, it's just going to be a matter of time. And dating is a fucking numbers game. As annoying as it is. It's a numbers game.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Amount of people you're going to meet, amount of interactions you're going to have, eventually you're going to find them. But as soon as you get to that point of like frustration with something, what I've learned is as soon as you get to that point of like, should I drop my standards? Are my standards too high? That is the moment you recommit. You do not drop your standards.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You feel fine with everybody else and how you're perceived and like the outside version of you, but the inside version of you at home, you don't like that motherfucker. You'll be crying when you're alone with them. So I would just say, yeah, you got the external, right? As in you have all your connections outside of yourself set. Everybody's good. Everybody's fine.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Because you're going to get fucked up and you're going to end up being lower than your own standards before. That's what happened. Yeah, that's what happened. Go date somebody beneath the standards. You're going to get dog walked, dragged across the fucking concrete on a leash, emotionally, sometimes physically.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
And then you're going to have to recover from that to get back to your standard to be like, okay, yeah, I'm not dropping them again. So let me just go ahead and shortcut you that. No, your standards aren't too fucking high. You need to question, what is it that I actually want? And how hard am I willing to recommit to finding it and meeting this person?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You might be realizing you want a different type of person. So evaluate that. Someone beneath you, they're never going to make you feel good. They're never going to, oh my God, you're never just going to be like, oh, okay, you were a little ugly. You were a little stupid, but like, I'm happy I dropped my standards for you. Jay-Z cheated on Beyonce.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
So the worst feeling is when you get cheated on by someone uglier than you. So at least get cheated on by someone who is hot. You know? Oh, we got a college question. It's been a minute since I was there. Yes, I graduated. Straight A's. I did get one B, I think. Shut up. Leo, what would you do if you're halfway into college and lose interest in your major? It don't bring me happiness anymore.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I thought for the longest time that it's what I wanted to do, but I feel lost. What the hell are you asking me for? You know exactly what to do. You know you don't like what you thought you'd like anymore. Okay, so change it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Literally going to college and people expecting you to figure out what you're supposed to do with the rest of your life right after your nuts finally drop, that's unrealistic. Like 18 is like your nuts been dropped. But being 18 years old and expecting to like make this decision, it's like, okay, I'm gonna love this one thing. You didn't know if you'd like it until you started walking into it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
So whatever your major was, okay, this idea of what this career path could be like, I like what the trailer of the movie could be. You start watching the movie and you realize, I don't fucking like the movie. You're going to keep watching it and waste your time and finish it? Or you're going to turn it off and find a new one?
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Yeah, there's a lot of consequences that come into switching it and changing it. I get it. But if you're aware... By taking two steps down the path of it, instead of going 10 miles down to the end, you realize that ain't the path you wanna be on, jump, change it. Because as soon as you know it's not what you want, okay, cool.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But it's not a thing of like, oh, it's hard, I don't wanna do it anymore. If it's a discipline issue, get your fucking shit together, okay? Go study, get your degree. You got to go make some money.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
If it's a thing of like you genuinely have zero interest in the thing that you thought you would like and it's like draining you, you don't want to go, you don't want to be there, you don't want to do it, you want to die, then change it. Because why are you going to keep committing yourself to the path you don't want to be on? For what? Okay, it only took you two steps to gain clarity.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You're lucky you're not 20 years into the career, like most people, being like, damn, I wish I would have switched back when I was still in college and I knew this wasn't what I wanted. Just switch it. Life becomes a lot easier once you just... Do shit. Like just switch it and just watch what happens. Watch how easy it gets.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
Watch how much easier it is than you thought and watch you actually handle it. And then you like what you're doing better. You're like, oh, wow, what the hell? You know what this path is like. You don't like it. You don't want it. So why are you going to choose to keep walking down it? Oh, because I'm scared of what my parents would think. I'm scared of what my friends would think.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
But when it comes to yourself at night, when you're sitting there reflecting and maybe you have guilt or you're replaying scenarios in your head, you're like, why did I said that? Maybe I shouldn't have said that. If it's that kind of dialogue while you're crying at night, go into it. Overthink a little bit. Overthinking is good sometimes. It makes yourself reflect. So fucking look at it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
I'm scared of the life you're going to have to live. with something that you hate if you don't get out of it. A lot of people don't have rich parents and like trust funds to fall back on. You got to set yourself up and get a fucking degree. So you always got a job. So like you go take a business adventure or you try something. It don't work. You fall on your ass. You could pick yourself up.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You never fall back to zero when you secure yourself. So if you want to do that, do it. And just get through it. Plus, once you have a degree and you're out of school and you're making money, you have money to invest into trying more things and maybe going different routes if you want to go them. So it's up to you. These are a lot of different perspectives I'm throwing at you, but...
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
If it's just something that you're like doing to get a degree and make some money and secure yourself, shut up and go through it and get it done. Make the best of it. It's going to suck. You only have to get through it once. Do it. But if it's something that you're trying to commit your entire life to and you're like, I just want one career and I want this to be it.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
If you're realizing this ain't it, switch it immediately. No questions asked. It's just a matter of when you're going to switch it because you have the awareness now, but you hate it. So the universe, God, whoever you believe in is going to turn that fucking heat up to make everything go way worse and be way worse until you finally jump course. It's not going to let you keep going down this path.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
You're going to have to change it. So like you're going to be forced to change it. You're going to change it by choice. You got this. You're going to be just fine. Next person said he had a manic episode last June and moved away. Says he still loves me and it's us, but I haven't seen him since. I knew he had a mental illness when I met him and something like this was a possibility.
Aware and Aggravated
28. Cutting Off Family, Feeling Behind In Life, & Signs It's Over- WWLD
What the hell you want me to do? He had a manic episode and he moved away. He abandoned you. He said he still loves you. Okay, he's a looney tune. What'd you expect? If he's going to do that, let him go do that.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
I'm not saying the intrusive thoughts. I'm talking about the authenticity and the intuition. And when you get ideas for things that just feel in alignment and it seems fucking crazy, but then you do it and everybody gags and it's better than you thought. Right. Right.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Okay, now I want to talk about a few things I've learned the hard way that lead to you being misunderstood more when you shouldn't be. Sometimes it's your responsibility. Sometimes it's not. So one thing about me that's gotten me into a lot of trouble and now I don't really give a shit. is speaking with an underlying expectation that people have the same characters and morals as me.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
When I talk about certain things, I say things kind of harsh, and it's just the way it fucking comes out. But the way that I speak is with the baseline, like, okay, yeah, I feel like we all understand basic human decency and respect and loyalty.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And when people hear me say something, because I don't detail and describe every single aspect of my personality and my character and my beliefs, they nitpick the fuck out of it. And they try and paint me like I'm a certain way when I'm not. If you don't get it, you don't get it.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
You're here to set a standard for your life, not earn permission. To live your life. You know? Easier said than done. I know. So let's go deep into the whole understanding of being misunderstood. The reason you don't want to feel misunderstood is because it fucking hurts. It's painful. Isolating. It's not a good time. Yeah.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
My point there is clarification is needed sometimes, but because other people have a different moral compass and don't just understand all human beings deserve to be treated with basic respect and decency, I don't need to fucking sit here and tell everybody that every single time. If you don't operate with that... Yeah, I'm not going to make sense to you.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
I say a lot of harsh shit, but it's always to help and protect you and look out for you from things I've been through. I've spent too much of my life this past year dealing with dumbasses, and I'm not going to spend no more of my life fighting about it. I'm going to live and just be me. If you don't get it, cool, because everybody else does.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
But the other angle I fell into of that is trying to force people to understand and like over explain myself and prove myself so that I would stop being criticized and hated and ripped apart. And I thought it would get people to stop trying to paint me in the wrong light. It don't matter. Literally doesn't matter.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
As someone who did it, who has the experience of over a year of destroying myself, trying to prove it, don't waste your fucking time. I wasted a year of my life, okay? Do not waste another second of yours. People understanding you is not going to make them stop attacking you. That's just something you got to accept. Don't pay attention to it. Pay it no mind. Hey, fuck do you care?
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
You don't need these people to stop hating you to go live your life and do what you want to do. Trust me, I'm the one in the hot seat. I can tell you. And the other thing I learned about being misunderstood and all this debacle is self-doubt is people's only real weapon against you. If they can get you to doubt yourself, they win.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
It's good to self-reflect and look at things, but other times you need to put on some fucking sunglasses, some nice dark ones with some tint where you don't see nothing. If you know who you are and you know why you're doing what you're doing, don't. Pay it no mind. Literally, leave it up to the people closest to you to check you if you need to be checked.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
People who don't know you don't understand and you don't need them to understand. And the way that self-doubt is the only weapon is people cannot change you. People can't do that. What they have to do is make you doubt yourself. where you get your focus off of being yourself and get your focus on them and trying to convince a dumb ass that gravity exists. They can't change you.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
They can just divert your attention off of being the storm or being who you are. And you feel like you have to prove yourself and justify your existence. You don't gotta justify a fuck thing, okay? Don't ask, act, that's it. Don't ask for shit, just act. And watch how much further you get. Okay, now I want to talk about understanding yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Because that's going to help you with being misunderstood by others. It's also going to help you not give a damn when other people don't understand. Because when you fully understand it, like with gravity, you understand that's why you're not floating in the air. Okay? We is all going to die as human beings. You understand that. You get that. And you know that's the truth.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
So the peace that comes when you understand and you just get it like, okay, yes, that's the truth. And I'm gonna sit here and have that peace about it. If y'all wanna fight about it, go ahead. I don't give a damn. I'm gonna go shopping. I'm gonna go to Versace store. I'm gonna go buy some shit and have fun. I'm not gonna sit here and fight with you about, oh, gravity doesn't exist.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
The real reason you want to be understood is because you feel like it's the only way to get to what you want. Whether you need a certain person's love or approval or anything you have to earn from somebody like, oh, if you understand me, maybe then it'll be okay.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Okay, let's be for serious. With understanding yourself and why you do shit, One of the biggest examples I have for myself is if you don't know why you do certain things, even if it's bad or if it's good, you're like, oh, I don't even know why I do that. Duh, you're misunderstood. As soon as you understand why you do what you do, good or bad, you're back in control.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
You're back in the driver's seat and you can wreck them if you want to. You don't even got to stop to let them out. Just fling them out the door or hit them. So with me, being violent and being very angry was something that I didn't understand for a long time why I did. I didn't understand why I got so pissed off. I didn't understand why violence was always my first answer for a long time.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Until I flipped it and I tried to understand why I do what I do. Instead of trying to prove how me beating the fuck out of you was justified. How don't you see it? Instead of fighting to like justify and get people to understand why I beat the fuck out of somebody. Trying to flip it and understand why I did it. Changed things.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And I got control over the violence and control over the anger where I wouldn't just pop off and freak out. So the real reason I was so violent and angry all the time and I couldn't control my anger was because I had a perception in my brain how angry you respond and how violent you respond is an expression of how hurt you are.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
because I learned early on in life when people are hurting you or treating you bad, saying that you're hurt or crying does nothing. My life experience taught me the only way to stop someone from hurting you or to get them to quit is to hurt them and make them unable or make them afraid. to hurt you. That was the only thing I had. I never had a situation where I cried and somebody showed me mercy.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
I had to grab myself by the nuts and just start being ruthless. And that's what finally gave me a sense of control. But that was my outlet of expressing that I was hurt. And when I was in that, I was all confused, misunderstood. I don't wanna hurt nobody. I feel bad hurting people. I didn't understand how people couldn't see how much I cared
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
But me doing what I was doing was not showing that I care. Like I would match it. As hurt as I felt inside is as physically hurt you would look. So I had that weird ass association in my head and was so confused. Why do people not understand? I also had the confusion of, don't you fucking know? Don't poke the bear at this point. Even if I used to get my ass beat, I was going down swinging.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
That was my way of like coping through the whole thing. But that whole perspective of trying to understand myself, why do I get so angry? Why do I attack people uncontrolled sometimes? And it was my only outlet of one, controlling how people treated me and stopping mistreatment and abuse. But two, it was my way of communicating how hurt I was.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
There's the whole thing in your brain of it wrapped up with you have to have understanding from people to get what you want, and you don't. It's taken me a long time to learn this, but you don't fucking need nobody's understanding or approval to be who you are. And a step deeper is... Being misunderstood is an explanation for mistreatment.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
So finding new ways to stop people from doing shit and learning new ways to communicate that I'm hurt helped me not be as violent. There was a whole like different shift with the people in my life and everyone around me where it was like, hey, I kind of understand you now.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Because I understood myself and I learned how to communicate better what I was feeling instead of using the only outlet that I learned from life. What life has taught you is not all that there is. So back in the day, for you to try and convince me violence is not the only answer, it's like fighting with a brick wall. You was never going to convince me because I was so justified in that.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
It's all I knew. Now, if we have a conversation about it, because I understand myself better, yeah, we can talk about it. There's other answers besides violence. I'm always going to say violence is an answer. It's a form of communication. If you can't figure something out by talking, okay. Show who can stand there and handle what they're trying to do. Look at war. Look at anything.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Violence is always going to be an answer. It's a form of communication. Is it always the answer? No. Is it always bad? In my opinion, no. I can have a way more level-headed conversation about this and be more understood because I understand what I'm trying to communicate and accomplish with what I'm doing. Does that make sense? I hope so. Okay, next point about being misunderstood.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
When I said you're here to set a standard for your life and how it's supposed to go, you are. Trying to shrink yourself to fit in is useless. The masses are lost. Most people lost. Little chewing on the playground. Fucking running around in the sandbox. Don't know what the fuck is up and what is down. Trying to shrink yourself to fit in? No.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Trying to drop your standards for what you have set for your life and how you want your life to go and who you want to be? No. No. I have an example. And I didn't even realize at the time when I was in college what was going on. But... When I was in college, I had a sociology class.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And one day we had a whole project where we went to the food bank and it was like a volunteer community service type thing. Everybody in the whole class, I'm the youngest in the class. I was 18 at the time. There's adults, grown people from 20 to 45 in this class. We go to the food bank. We go and we help sort food and pack meals for the families. We're there. We see a tour of the factory.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
We bring donations. Everybody's there. We're helping. We're contributing. We're there to contribute. At the end, the woman who worked there said something about a box of cookies if you want one. There was boxes of cookies and then there were cases of cookies with like eight boxes in them, if I remember correctly. I don't know. I don't know if it was eight boxes of cookies in a case or 10.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Everyone in the class took a case of the cookies. That was my first time causing fucking hell and standing 10 toes down against like 40 something people that has never and will never sit right with me. I left pissed off when I went to class the next day. I stood up in the middle of class and said, what the fuck was that?
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
First analogy I'm going to hit you with, when have you ever heard of a storm asking for permission to hit? When have you ever heard of a fire asking or waiting for permission to burn? They don't. A storm is a storm. It's going to do what a storm does. It's not going to sit here and try to be understood so that it feels validated, that it can be what it is. Same thing with a fire.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
We go to a food bank to go offer our time and make donations and help people who need help. And y'all gonna go take cookies. Cases of them, over 40 fucking cases of cookies from a food bank. The teacher of that class messaged the company saying,
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
It's kind of like, okay, wait, people treat me bad or this person doesn't love me or doesn't want me because they just don't understand me. It feels like a relief to have that kind of cross your head. It's like, if I can make them understand, I can get what I want. I can get the approval, I can get the love. And then you go into this whole cycle of trying to be understood by everybody, everything.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
of the food bank and double checked to make sure it was okay that the class took the amount of cookies that they did, the instructor came back and was like, oh, everything was fine. They told us it was okay. They got permission to do what they did. Everybody felt a little better about it because they got permission that they were okay.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Because apparently in the email when they came back, the food bank said, oh, we're only allowed to give so many boxes of cookies to the kids per the whatever guidelines of whatever food shit. I don't care what the guidelines of the health critics say. If there's children who cannot afford to eat, I don't care if the FDA or whoever the fuck it was says they can only have one box a week.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
I'll give you a case. Fuck the system. I'm going to buck the system. I will go and give cases to the kids. I don't care if it's against the guidelines. If you need food and you're hungry, I'm going to give it to you and make sure you got it. Adults, kids, whoever needed to come, cases for everybody.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Not cases for everybody from this fucking sociology class who can afford to go buy whatever kind of food they want to buy. That's never sat right with me and it's never gonna. And that's a perfect example of... It doesn't matter the approval and the understanding from anybody. And I didn't justify or explain why I was never going to be okay with it. That's just what it is.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
I'm not going to explain myself why that was fucked up. If you don't see it, I don't care. When I say the masses are lost, they are. I've experienced it my entire life. So even if you got to stand up against a room full of 40 fucking adults, if that's the standard you have for your life, stand on it. Be the storm. Be whatever your soul is supposed to be in this life to be.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
The authentic reaction in myself was that. Even after eight years of therapy, seeing counselors, self-reflection, all the shit that I've done in my life, my opinion still stands on how I handled that situation. Never going to change, never going to nothing. And... I don't need nobody to try and sit here and justify to me why it's going to be okay.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Any of those people in that class to try and get understanding from me and make me approve of them, you're never going to get it. So that's another perspective from the flip side of like, you don't need my approval to go on with yourself. You don't need my understanding. And my approval that, oh, you're not a piece of shit to go live your life. All these people, it's eight years.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
They all living, doing whatever they're doing now. I don't care. I'm doing what I'm doing. They're doing what they're doing. My approval, my understanding, and my rejection impacted them zero. They're living. They're going on. They're doing their thing. And the same thing applies with you. Whoever's approval you think you need, you fucking don't. You can continue living regardless.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Now I want to pose a little question. Now that we've talked about everything we talked about, what are you going to do different? What do you feel free from? What do you feel no longer obligated like you have to do? What focus just lifted off of other people and proven shit just came back to you? And where do you want to put that now? Now that you understand you don't need this person to love you.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
You don't need other people to understand you. You can still get what you want. And what are you going to stop obsessing over? Because now you realize it's fucking useless. You just got freedom back. You just got yourself back. So your authentic self and you living your life however you want to live it does not require permission. You don't need understanding. It's nice to have it.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
But the more that you spend time just living your life and being who you are and not spending time trying to prove it to people who won't ever see it by being it and embodying who you are, that's when you line up with people who you don't have to say a fucking word to. They get it. They understand you. Understanding does not have to be earned. People are just gonna get it.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Because there's that subconscious belief that like that's the only way to get to what you want. As much as this feels like an explanation to why you can't get what you want or get people to like you or care about you, it's not the truth. That's just your brain looking for control. Because if I can control people's perception and make them understand, then I'll gain what I want.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
You know when you meet people and you're like, I feel like I've known you forever. They understand without having to try. That's someone who's actually gonna be able to love you. The person who you feel like you have to convince to understand you to love you is never gonna love you, ever. You never gotta fight for love. You never gotta fight for understanding.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
So if you feel like you're ready to rip your hair out, bad joke for me. If you're at that point, You're free to walk off. That's a dry fucking watering hole. Why are you still trying to get water out of it? Go find a watering hole that's got water in it. Leave the empty shit. Leave the dry shit alone. You're free to go be who you are. You don't need approval. You don't need acceptance.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
I will have to ruffle some feathers this week. Real bad, like a little chicken. I'm gonna ruffle your feathers a little bit. Hi, friends. This week we're talking about being misunderstood and how it's a good thing and also how to escape the trap of constantly trying to feel like you have to prove yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And as soon as you be like, okay, and you go for it, That is when the acceptance, the approval, the understanding comes in. Also the success. Also feeling good about yourself. Also being happy and living your life because you gave yourself the permission to do it. A storm only needs the permission from the storm to go hit. Fire only needs permission from fire to light.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Nobody else gets to control it. No matter how mad or fussy or whatever they get, they can't stop you. All they can do is get in your head and make you doubt yourself. No more of that shit. All right? If you're a storm, go fucking be one. If you're a fire, light it up. Why not? What I mean by that is be yourself. Don't be over here lighting people on fire. Crazy. I get it though. All right.
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27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
That's officially all I got for this week's episode. I feel like I've yelled enough. If you made it this far in the episode and you're watching this on YouTube, comment the little rain emoji. I like to see who makes it this far into the episode. So if you're watching it this far, comment the rain emojis. Comment some kind of storm. If you want to be a fire, be a fire. Do a fire flame. Thank you.
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27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Thank you.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
That is a cycle you will get trapped in and you will kill yourself trying to do it. It's like a storm. It's not gonna sit here and explain to people why it's not meaning harm and why you should allow it to be what it is. A storm ain't gonna wait. It's just gonna rip the fuck through. It's gonna be what it is.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And this is where that whole obligation of needing to prove yourself will come in and visit you, hang out with you. You'll constantly be feeling like you have to prove yourself. and you will lose yourself trying to prove yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And what I wish I knew sooner, you're not being yourself when you're trying to convince people of something or convince someone to like you or care about you and accept you. You get caught in this position of trying to prove what you want them to see. You're not living your life. You're not being yourself. All your attention and focus is stuck on whoever you're trying to convince of who you are.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And if you are able to gain acceptance and get people to like you when you're trying to prove yourself, that's not the real you. It's how you're acting when you're trying to prove yourself. All your focus is on them. People gonna love when they're your sole focus and your whole life is revolved around proving something to them.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
They're gonna love the version of you when you're proving something, not the version of you when you're just being who you are. When you're catering to their emotions and who they are and their perception, everything's revolved around them. They're gonna love that. They're gonna love the version of you who's proving themselves. They're not gonna love you as you are. And then anytime there's a doubt
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
or a confirmation of, okay, I do see you for who you are. Subconsciously, they're going to set you up in a power play of you're going to be back having to prove it because they like how you act and they like how you treat them and revolve your life around them while you're proving who you are instead of being who you are.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
If you feel all kind of exhausted, tired, and obligated, like you're just like burnout and over it, Hi, this is where you're supposed to get to. You're not supposed to be proving yourself. You're supposed to be being yourself. I've fallen into this trap so many times. It is an absolute waste of energy, waste of everything.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And you will never have to convince or persuade someone to treat you good or be nice to you and love you. You're never gonna have to prove yourself as worthy of someone's love. If they're not gonna treat you good, that's just who they are. They don't care about you. Proving yourself is gonna be leading you to beating your head in the wall. It's not gonna work.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
If you feel you gotta prove yourself to somebody, they don't see it, they're never gonna see it. And it's because it benefits them to not see you for who you are. But the biggest point with this is their approval and their love is not what's holding you back from what you want. That's a dynamic set up in childhood.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Because when you're a child, your primary caregivers, your parents, whoever the fuck is taking care of you, is your means of getting all the things you need. So staying in good standing with them, proving that you're good to your caregivers early on in life sets you up with being good. Controlling their perception of me makes sure I get what I need. I get fed. I get loved. I get tucked into bed.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
I get taken care of. That's already in our brains to associate that, but we're grown now. That's not the truth of it no more. You don't have to gain someone's love to get what you want. You don't have to be understood and force people to perceive you in a way that you think they would want. You get way more out of life when you just be a storm and go get it.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
It's not going to sit here and ask, oh, can I light yet? It's not gonna do that. For me, the way that this relates to being misunderstood is you're desperately looking to be understood so that you can finally feel like you have permission to be who you are. You gotta be like the storm. If you a storm, you just gotta be a fucking storm. You gotta hit when you're gonna hit.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
When I said it will benefit people to not see you for who you are, my last podcast episode, How to Stop Being Weak, I go into a lot of the psychological things that go on why people cannot see you for who you are. So go watch that if you haven't. I'll link it in the description. If you're listening to the audio version of this, I'll link the audio version. But come on YouTube.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Come look at me and shit. But if you are on the audio version, hit the download button. Helps me a ton. So the next point with the whole thing of being misunderstood, we understand why it hurts and why you want it. Now you're like, hey, I don't need it so bad. We're not fully there yet. Just wait. Your life does not require anyone's comprehension or justification. People who are truly free...
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
listen to and are governed by that voice inside themselves that tells them what they want their life to be like. They don't wait around for permission to live how they want to live and be who they want to be and be who they are. You don't have a choice but to be authentic. That's for another episode. We can get into that later, no?
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Literally, how fucking stupid is it to spend your life and spend your time trying to convince somebody that human beings all die at some point, or that gravity exists. How fucking dumb. How much of a waste of time is that? And when I say you're not living, you're trying to prove something. You just gotta let people sit in their own confusion.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
If somebody doesn't wanna believe that all human beings are eventually gonna pass, and they don't wanna believe in gravity, What is basing your life around trying to prove that going to do? You're going to sit there with them in their delusion and waste your entire life instead of being who you are and living your life and enjoying your life.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
You're going to be over here with this dumbass spending all your life force energy and all your time here trying to convince them of something. What's so bad about letting them stay confused? If they don't want to accept it, they're not gonna. Why do you take it as your responsibility to go and save them from their confusion? It's a waste of your time and it's a waste of your life.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
You're not living when you're trying to convince people and prove something. So get the fuck away from that. Why are you trying to convince people of what's true? If they don't wanna see it, they don't wanna see it. Go off and live your own life. From what I've learned, typically the people who are demanding an explanation of why you are how you are,
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
how you live is okay, when they're demanding an explanation, they're just testing your certainty about who you are and what you think and what you believe. And as soon as you go to defend yourself, you're admitting self-doubt. People who know the truth is the truth, I'm not gonna sit here and fight with you about gravity.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
I'm not gonna sit here and fight with you about your sexuality being a choice. It's not a fucking choice. But let's use that example. For me and my sexuality, trying to prove to people that I never in this life would have chosen to be gay is pointless.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Instead of me just going and living my life and being who I am, trying to sit here and convince people that I'm allowed to be gay and I'm allowed to live my life how I'm gonna live it, that's a waste. I'm not living. I'm trying to convince and prove shit.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
So you don't need people's understanding that sexuality is not a choice for you to go engage in whatever it is that you are or what you wanna be. Me trying to justify my sexuality is throwing my life away. I'm fighting to feel like I can be who I am. For what? Whose approval do I need? Whose approval do you need to be who you are? It doesn't stop you from doing it.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
People are never going to see, oh, a storm is being what it is, but it's damaging all this stuff. You need to care about people. And a storm is not going to be able to sit here and convince people. You need to understand me. I'm not trying to destroy things. I'm just being a storm. I'm being what I am. A storm will never be understood.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Okay, so somebody disapproves of something. Whoopie shit. Like I said, we're not children no more. You're not dependent on other people to give you what you need in this life. Because somebody rejects you, it ain't going to kill you. It ain't going to stop you unless you let it. And that's a covert way of letting it stop you is trying to prove that it's okay. You're not living your life.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
You're not being yourself. You're over here worried about being understood and being validated that you can be who you are. You're getting validated that you're allowed to be a storm. Storm ain't going to ask for that. Storm is not going to wait to go storm. Fire is not going to wait to go light shit up. It's just going to do it. It don't need justification and neither do you.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And whenever there's something about you that you cannot change, it's who you are. My soul chose to be gay. It chose everything about me that I can't control or change myself. Anything that's not an option, my soul chose it. And that's the way that I look at things.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
It's like, okay, instead of turning against all of the things about myself that I don't like in regard to the things that I can't change, What's the point? And sitting here trying to fight it. My outlook is what can I do better? How is this thing that's been holding me back and like I've over here been thinking this is why my life is awful. These things that I can't change about myself.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Instead of sitting here freaking out and critiquing myself and stopping myself from living and being a human being. What can I actually do better because of these things that I can't get rid of? If you can't change it, it was chosen. So the perspective of, okay, why was it chosen? Going down that route has gotten me to where I am.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Because sitting here and resisting my sexuality, for who and for what? I wouldn't have amounted to shit if I never fully accepted myself and went into it. And I can acknowledge, I fully could be deadass wrong with saying the things that you can't change. Your soul shows them. I could be wrong, but it feels better to think like this. It feels better to have this perspective. I tried the other one.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
It destroyed me. Going in this route, even if I'm wrong... Life's fucking great compared to what it was when I was resisting myself. So even if I'm wrong, I'm successful. I look better than I ever thought I could. I'm achieving everything I want. I'm getting what I want. So even if I'm wrong, I don't give a fuck I'm wrong because it's working. Honestly, being understood is not your issue.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And being understood, I've learned, is kind of like a confirmation that you're breaking through limitations of society. If you fit in and you're normal, congrats. You fit all of society's expectations. You're normal. Not a bad thing. If that's what you want, be it. If everything in line inside you falls with that, okay. I'm envious a little, honestly.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Because when you have to go against the grain and break limits and be things that aren't normal or the status quo, it comes with responsibility of being misunderstood. The isolation, the bullshit, everything I'm talking about. If you relate to what I'm talking about so far, you get exactly the point. But whenever you're misunderstood or you get rejected, I look at it now as a sign that
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
to a point where it feels like it would be granted permission to be what it is. It's just got to be a storm. So that is the basis for feeling misunderstood and trying to prove yourself. You're here to set a standard with your life. Your soul chose to come in and be who you are. You have no option but to be who you are. You don't need understanding from other people to do that.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
that I'm breaking a mold or I'm breaking an expectation or a limitation of society. I've broken through all of the norms. I should not be fucking sitting here, but I am. And it's only because I didn't look for approval to do what I wanted to do. I just did it. A lot of people looked at me like I was crazy. A lot of people looked at me like I was stupid.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Like when I started this podcast and when I started making social media, People had all kind of judgments and I didn't care. I did it anyway. Now they ask for tips. They don't need to comprehend it for you to live and do what you wanna do. Nobody has to comprehend anything about you for you to still do it. It's not a requirement. It's not going to hold you back because people reject you.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Like I said earlier, you're not going to be stopped because somebody rejected you. Oh my God. I get hate comments all the time. Only thing that stops me is if I stop. Other people not approving of you don't fucking matter. People saying a storm is so bad is not going to prevent the storm from being a storm. Doesn't matter the criticism. It doesn't matter the misunderstanding. It is what it is.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
And it has no choice but to be that. And like I said, as a human being, if your soul chose to come in in a certain way and with certain things about you... When you come in to this life, you don't have any option but to be authentic. And you got to be what you're going to be. And if you don't, good luck. I wouldn't be here if I didn't choose to just go for it without justification.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Just basing it off of what I felt inside and what I knew. It's taken me so much further than any advice from anybody outside of me. That little voice inside you...
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
when you have that internal sovereignty and you let that guide you and dictate your life and your choices that's when life unfolds that's where magic happens that's where manifestation blows you away a lot of people talk about manifestation like they have some cheat code it's like girl Your little crystal didn't do nothing. It's that intuition. It's that higher self.
Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
It's that connection to like your purpose of being here and just following it. Even if it seems nuts, you don't need the understanding from other people. You need to understand yourself and understand you don't have any other choice but to follow that. And I'm not saying the intrusive thoughts where you're like, oh, I'm going to go kill somebody. I have those too. Don't act on it.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
You shouldn't do it. Like right now, I would love to go chug a fucking bottle of tequila. I would love to go to the store. Cruise right over there in my new car. Yes, I'm going to visualize it and just enjoy it. I would love to cruise over to the liquor store. Buy a nice big bottle of liquor. Put it in the car. Come home. Crack that fucker open. Get some ice. Put it in a cup.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Pour me some and chug it. And then pour another one to sip on. Maybe have a couple cigarettes. Definitely have a couple cigarettes. And just fucking avoid my responsibilities. I would love to do that. I would absolutely love to. But there's no justification. I gave myself my word. And that's the one thing that keeps me confident and keeps me reminded of my power. No matter what happens...
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I fucking committed and that's the commitment. So everything that goes wrong outside of my cage of what I do for myself and what I commit to of myself, nothing's going to fucking impact what goes on inside my cage. If I put alcohol outside my cage for a year, I'm not bringing it in no matter how justified it could be. And that's like a safety blanket.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Living inside your little cage is a safety blanket. Because nothing's going to be able to impact it. Nothing's going to be able to make me drink if I say I'm not going to fucking drink. That's safety for me. It's security. It makes me feel confident. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel safe.
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30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Because I'm not a little bitch, just like a victim to circumstance and a victim to life of like, oh, all these things happen. So now I'm going to go break my word to myself. I'm going to come inside my cage of safety I've made for me and piss all over it because something outside the cage happened that made me upset. No, nothing outside the cage impacts what happens in the cage.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And that's what keeps me sane. I should have lost my mind a long time ago. Many a times. And I feel like this is the one thing that kept me sane. And a lot of people are like, how do you have so much discipline? How do you have self-control? Like with me just flipping and jumping to a meal plan and I do not bend, I do not break.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
It's because I've locked that inside my cage and I don't care what happens outside. I'm going to eat according to plan and I'm not going to overeat. And I'm not going to fuck around with it. And every single thing that happens that makes me tempted to disturb what's in my cage pisses me off. And I use that rage and that anger to not disrupt what's in the cage.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Will I start shooting everything outside my cage? Yeah. Will I start using the anger to like get everything off? Yeah. I would like a nice view from my cage at least. But that's the thing. I just channel the anger into fully forcing myself to remain safe inside what I said I was going to do.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Because like in the past when I'd be on a meal plan and something would happen in life and things would go wrong and things would piss me off, I'd be upset, I'd be emotional, whatever. And then I would eat bad. You throw away all control. It's like you fully lift the cage off yourself. You have no protection to the outside world. Everything can dictate you.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
What you do, who you are, the actions you take and... It just fucks you up. It makes you a bitch. It makes you like miserable. And every single day you wake up and it's like, oh, I might be able to do what I said I'm going to do if everything goes according to plan. If you try and live like that, oh, good luck. Also the anger, when it comes up, I use it to gain clarity about everything.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
where no matter what happens outside of me, I do not let it crumble inside the cage. Like no matter what happens, the cage is built and structured around me. No matter what falls around me, it ain't going to crush me. I do kind of want to hit on like the beginning part because the feeling of feeling worthless, there's so much physical proof and like so much that's like
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Like every decision you need to make becomes very clear. All your priorities become very clear. All the things you really care about and actually want to be spending time on become very fucking clear.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Like with social media, especially, just first example, when I get irritated like this, if I pull up my phone and I see some video or I see some person and it's just some stupid shit, I'll unfollow them immediately or I'll block them. Or I just won't even keep going. I'll just get off the app like, no, it's stupid. It's a waste of my time and my focus on my energy.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Literally getting irritated is the best thing for me to clear out bullshit. There's like certain podcasts or videos and things that I like to watch from certain people when I'm like in a good mood or whatever. But when I'm irritated, I don't want nothing to do with it. I realize how fucking stupid it is. And it's kind of a way of like cleaning out my life.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Of things that I thought I could tolerate and things that I thought were all right. But when I'm agitated, it's like you're so crystal clear, precise about what to shoot the fuck out of your life. Same thing goes with friends and relationships and people. Certain conversations, like decline calls. When I'm irritated, I'm not fucking reachable. You can't touch me.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
You can't get a hold of me unless you're my family. People calling you with certain issues, how you truly feel comes out when you're irritated. So I always like to like foster my little anger.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And when I make myself do what I have to do inside my little cage, when everything's going wrong outside of it and pissing me off, it brings me clarity around like what I want to change, what I care about, what I don't, especially with decor and like little tasks in my house. If there's something that's been irritating me,
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
and something I've just been tolerating, when I get agitated, I'll throw it the fuck away immediately. I don't care what it is. Get the fuck out of my face. And that's when I like the agitation because it's like a good clean out. So like I'll start throwing shit away and like tasks that I've been putting off.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I'll do them immediately or I'll realize they don't actually matter that much and just forget about them. Or like certain things that I want to buy, certain like things I want to renovate or change. It's like all this shit becomes very clear with shopping too. It's like, oh, I want to buy this thing. When I get agitated, it's like, that's fucking stupid.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And then I get clarity around, no, I'm not buying it. No, I'm not doing it. It's kind of nice. It's like a full clean out when I get irritated. It's like when I'm angry, it's like a fire. And it's like I just let it burn through everything in my life. And clean out what don't need to be there no more. So that I feel better about living my life. And I don't get back into this point.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And things aren't like seeping in. And like ruining what I'm trying to do. It cleans out habits too. Like bad habits that I have. Or like things that... I like think I want to do and all this and that. But then it also like brings in positive things where I'll like double down on what I want to do for myself. So like for my birthday, I got invited to power slap in Vegas and I'm so excited.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
It's on my actual birthday, but I've been wanting to go lay on a beach somewhere. For over a year. And just like veg out. Not think about nothing. Not do nothing. I just want to sit my ass on a beach. Get some burnt. Play a new idea. And not worry about nothing. Not touch my phone. Not worry about work. Not worry about shit. I haven't had a day off in three years. And I've just been making...
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Random excuses and like, oh, I can get this done. I can get that. And I've been pushing off the trip, pushing off, pushing off. And today I had this whole agitation thing of I've been planning a birthday trip with my sister and my cousin. I want to go somewhere tropical for my birthday. I want to go to Cabo. And none of the flights lined up to go. And it was pissing me the fuck off.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
disproving that but you're still going to feel it sometimes who gives a damn if you feel that you can still do what you want to do that's the part of the cage thing like no matter what happens you're still going to stay on track and stay on plan there's no excuse to not take care of yourself at all Like genuinely zero. Like, oh, this thing happened today.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And none of the resorts were good. And it was just like the timing and the availability. It was just irritating me. So I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not going to Cabo. And that like me discarding what I've wanted to do. I was like, wait. No, I would still like to go to a beach. So I was like, okay, what other beach we got? Love Miami. I absolutely love Miami.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
So I was like, maybe let's look up some shit from Miami. I started looking up things in Miami. Same thing. I was getting more and more pissed the fuck off where like nothing was lining up. Nothing was like figuring nothing. So I texted my sister. I was like, hey, you look some shit up. All right. It's pissing me off. And I'm about to say, fuck it. We're not going. Okay.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I get bad about like irritation, like anything that causes me headache or like anything that ain't going right, I'll just say, fuck it and scrap it. Like, I'm like, get it away from me. So she looked some stuff up and found some great stuff. And then she called me and was like, hey, I was in a terrible rotten mood. It was a couple hours ago.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And she was like, hey, I found like a good option and some flights. Like, what do you think? Like, do you want me to just take your credit card and book it and you don't have to worry about it? Or do you want to book it? And I was like back and forth in my head of like, it just seems like more headache. And like, this is just going to be more fucking problems on top of everything already going on.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Everything already irritating me. I don't want to deal with it. Like, I just don't. And then I was like, wait, everything going on pissing me off. It's there anyway. So I'm going to make sure I get to go do what I want to do. So everything could piss me off and irritate me. I don't care. I've wanted to go to the beach. I've wanted to go just sit on and relax.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
So I'm going to make sure I get to do that. I had no problem booking the flights to power slap and going to all that. I'm like, that's kind of like they asked me to come and I was going to do it to like go for them. And I'm also excited for myself. And it's like a business thing, but I'm also like, okay,
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Okay, if I was so quick to jump and do all that, I'm going to also be quick to jump and do what the fuck I want to do too. So I was like, if power slap ends up being a bust and it's not fun, then I immediately don't got to leave with no disappointment or nothing. Oh, boo, I'm going to Miami. I'm making sure I'm set up to go have a good time.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I'm going to go have fun regardless of what the fuck happens. I've been irritated enough and I use the irritation to... Put a cage around what I want to do. And nothing's going to fuck that up. I don't care what comes up. I don't care who needs what. I'm going to be on the beach for a week. And that's going to be that. So it's like preparing myself to go into the power slap thing.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
It's like, now I'm ready to go into it with no expectations. I'm like, I'm just going to have a good time. If it's fun, great. I'm not over here worried if it's going to go good or be good or be bad or whatever. I'm going to go and have fun because I don't give a fuck. Because regardless, I'm going to Miami and going to relax and do what I finally wanted to do for a year. And just lay in the sand.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Come out like a fucking tomato. I want to be so sunburnt my fucking skin peels off. I want to be so brain dead stupid. I just want to sit there and relax, get some drinks. I haven't drank in a year. I told myself 26 to 27, I'm not touching alcohol. I'm going to chug the fuck out of it and just sit there on the beach and finally get to do what I get to do. But the whole clarity piece...
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
So I'm not gonna do what I need to do for myself. What the fuck is that? Genuinely. Like it doesn't matter how irritated, pissed off, sad, whatever I am. I'm still doing my skincare. I'm still taking a shower. I'm still doing what I need to do for the day. I'm still working out and I'm still eating on track with my meal plan. And the meal plan that I'm on right now
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Yeah, priorities very in check. Priorities very clear. I kept pushing it off. Oh, I got tour. Oh, I got these business things. Oh, it's not a good time. Oh, now there's another tour. Oh, now I got to move. Oh, now I'm not in a good mindset. And then, oh, now I'm trying to decorate my house. Now I got deliveries coming.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I got deliveries coming now for furniture and shit while I'm going to be gone in Miami. I don't care. Drop it off at the front door or send it back to the motherfucker I bought it from and I'll buy it again. I'm done. Like I'm fed up with like pushing shit off. And this is when the anger comes in and I get excited because I'm like, yes, I make sure I take care of myself when I'm angry.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I make sure the little cage around me is set. So a lot of people get angry when things go wrong or go bad and they start like fucking up and they make everything worse, self-sabotage, all this crap. And they discard themselves.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Like if you're going to be angry and you're going to force yourself into obligation and you're going to make sure everything gets to get done, make sure you get to do what you want to do to use the anger to bring yourself into consideration is what I've learned because I Now I'm happy about going to Miami, where I almost called it off. But now I'm like, ooh, let's do it.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I'm ready to go have a good time. And I don't give a fuck how everything else goes for the next week until I get there. Because I know my relief and what I want to do is coming. And also, like I said at the beginning of this, I wasn't in the fucking mood to film this. They didn't want to make the podcast. Now I feel better. Fully. And now my goal is done to put out the episode.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Whether it's good, bad, right, wrong, I don't give a fuck. The episode's done, ain't it? Well, yeah. So, now I'm chilling. Now I feel much more happy. But it's because I took the action that I needed to take inside of my little cage to make sure I'm good. You know? Don't let nothing outside your cage fuck you up and get you off track. If you gotta do it upset, you gotta do it pissed off, do it.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
You gotta do it sad, do it sad. Just get it done. No excuse to neglect the child. Like I said. So... Same thing applies here. Ain't that crazy? How it all just flipped. And now I feel even better. I felt like dog shit. Took the action that I didn't want to take that made me feel worse. But by taking it, now I feel much more better. Because had I just said, Oh my God, no.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I'm just too... I'm too... I made an excuse. I'm not going to do the podcast this week. I'd be sitting downstairs on the couch like... Looking off in space, even more upset, feeding more into the feeling, feeling more into the bullshit and just being all like down on myself. The feeling didn't fucking exist. It wasn't real. Like, okay, I felt it, but didn't mean it was true. Feeling worthless.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Ooh, be like, oh, they're useless. Now I feel good. I feel great. So that's it. That's all I got for this week's episode. If you liked it, leave it a thumbs up. Not every episode is like this, but this was kind of cool. New approach. Yeah, leave me a comment. Let me know what you thought. All my social media is in the description. All that shit.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Comment like a little star emoji if you made it this far. I always do that at the end of my episodes. I always say comment a certain emoji to see who makes it this far. You see, now I'm back in my personality and I feel good. It literally took, what, 30 minutes? Whoopee shit. Don't let nothing outside your cage make you doubt yourself. You can do what needs to be done.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
The cage is to keep everything bad out. But that's it. That's all I got for this week. Everybody be safe. Take care of yourself. And I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Big thing with that is like, no matter what is going on in life, no matter what's fucking up or like going to not according to the plan that I want it to go, I'm still doing it because yeah, everything's going to shit in certain aspects, but my body's right. And I feel confident about my body. So feelings and emotions are so fucking annoying.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And they're so much more annoying because of how people talk about them and tell you that emotions are everything. And your feelings dictate every single thing in the vibration shit I've talked about in previous episodes. People act like there's so much weight on emotions, like they can't be changed. Take a different action. Do something. What am I going to do?
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Sit down and be sad and not do what I need to do for tonight and record my podcast? For what? Like, oh, this feeling made me not do what I was supposed to do. What the fuck do I look like? A pussy? That's very pussy to do. That's very, like, not respectable, worthless. Boo hoo. I'm not good at dealing with obligation.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Whenever I feel obligated to do something, I feel like someone has their fucking hands around my neck and they're suffocating me and I can't breathe and I want to kill them. Like whatever the obligation is that I have to have, whether it's just texting somebody back, I don't want to fucking text or just from little things to big things.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I feel like someone's got their hand on my throat, and I want to kill you. I want you to get off me. I want you to, like, go away. I don't want the pressure on me. I'm very big about obligation. I don't do well with it. And it causes, like, a level of anger that I can't explain. I've never met someone who, like, deals with the same thing and feels the same thing.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I seem fucking psychotic to a lot of people, but so what? So be it. Okay. I don't like to be dicked around and told what to do. Okay. So if that makes me crazy, so be it. Because I want to fuck you up for trying to tell me what to do. Okay. Fine. Do I want to record this podcast right now? Fuck no. For many reasons, but I'm still doing it.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I almost didn't record this today because I felt fucking worthless. Like for me to even say that out loud, it don't make no fucking sense. Like this is the point of do it regardless. Cause like, it's just sounds dumb. This is one of the moments where it's like, yeah, no matter how you feel, you feel like shit. Okay, cool. Me too, girl. But come into yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
This is the literal view of it of like, yeah, you can be feeling whatever you're feeling. You can still do what you have to do. And I want to go back to talking about the cage thing, like setting a cage around yourself with no matter what falls around you and like what goes wrong, you're still safe inside your little cage.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
So this is like one of my things that I'm doing right now is like, no matter what's happening, I'm still in front of this fucking camera recording my podcast. A lot of times, like you think things are an issue and they're not your issue. Like they're not your thing to deal with. Like the other day,
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
i woke up and immediately checked my phone which i never do and i was reminded quickly of why i don't do that because i was immediately hit with so many people texting me with like business issues and problems and things that people needed me like responses they needed shit i had to do for all these people and i just ran into it like i woke up frantic
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Didn't make sure I was all right and went running toward all the problems everybody was throwing at me. It's like I woke up and there was a bunch of fires I had to go put out. And I immediately like discarded myself, let go of the cage. Cage fell off and it fucking destroyed me and how I was feeling, what I was supposed to do and the goals and the plans that I have for the day.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I immediately went and started dealing with everybody else's shit. helping them with all their problems and all the problem things like business-wise that like people were coming to me about. It's like that shit could have waited a fucking minute. It could have waited until I woke up and got myself situated. And it made me have a day where I was absolutely pissed off, like furious, irritated.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I literally just wanted to like take everybody's head and bang them together like a coconut. Like I just wanted to crack them. And that's how I felt the entire day. And then I ended up going to the gym very late at night when I should have went in the morning. And I was pissed off that I had to go at night, but I forced myself to go anyway. And I still ate on my meal plan.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I still ate according to my goals because I got some shit coming up next week for my birthday where I want my body to look good. I want to like eat on track with my meal plan. And it like fully is like reestablished in my brain. Yeah. We're setting the cage down where no matter what's going on and who needs what, I need me first.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
So I don't give a fuck when I wake up who's got a problem, who's got an issue. If it ain't my problem, I'm not acting like it is. I'm not assuming it like it's my own. That's driven me stupid so many times and has just exhausted my energy and like...
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
ruined my day my mood and fucked up my goals too many times for me to keep letting it happen like i don't care who had problems today okay i got my own problems but unfortunately my problems are the shit that nobody else can help me with like everybody's problems they can get help The problems I got, I can't get no help. I gotta be the one to do it.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
So what the fuck do I look like going and helping them with all their problems when somebody else can do it or they can fucking figure it out for theirself? You know? I have learned that getting overwhelmed and getting irritated is a good thing, though.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And I kind of get excited when I get pissed off when nothing's going right and I'm overwhelmed because it makes it very clear what I need to tolerate and what I need to do and what I don't need to do. And I become very ruthless and I don't give a shit. And then people's opinions. Like, I don't give a fuck. I have zero tolerance when I get irritated and overwhelmed. Zero. Like, less than this.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
has a lot more tied into it than feeling good about it. You don't have to feel good to commit to yourself. Like I said, I felt worthless today. I felt like this as soon as I hit the record button. But now that I'm speaking and taking the action, I instantly feel different. And to even say that I felt worthless sounds so stupid. But the action just fixed it. So hi, friends.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
If you keep up with me on social media, you saw that I flew with my sister and my cousin the other day to New York to go get a sandwich and come back. And I posted a whole series of it on TikTok and it was a blast. We had so much fun. And everybody that was like watching the videos and keeping up with it, I was posting in real time. Everybody had a blast. Everybody had so much fun.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And the trip went great. The videos all blew up. Everybody had a fucking blast. Everybody watching it and everybody who went had a great time. And then I wake up the day after I get home. This is an example of the cage thing. So I woke up and I saw that someone made an article. Some dumb fucking shit wrote an article. A news article.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
about my trip and they titled it like, Oh, influencer gets trolled. Influencer gets like backlash and like made fun of for going on a trip to New York for a sandwich to come in home. Used to, I would have gotten pissed off. I woke up and I saw my phone blowing up. Everybody's telling me there was an article. So I go look at it.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Used to, I would have gotten pissed off and I would have let it ruin my whole day. But I've already been in this irritation kind of like mode. So I was like, okay, somebody wrote an article. And tried to flip the whole narrative like it was a negative thing. What the fuck do I care? What does that genuinely like actually do? Nothing.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
So I got up, did my skincare, ate my meal, went to the gym and stayed on my meal plan for the day and worked. That's the whole thing of like the impact. Like shit don't impact you when you don't give a fuck. So like when you get irritated, I get excited when I get irritated because like it ain't going to bother me. I don't give a damn what people are saying. I have shit to do. I have priorities.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And like, what is someone writing an article going to do? What does it impact? Nothing. The only way it becomes impactful is if you let it change what you do and fuck you up and get you off track. Like if I would have woken up how I used to and let that article get to me, I would have ruined my whole day and I would have felt like it was a much bigger deal than it was.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Like people making videos about me all the time. I don't give a fuck because I don't let it change what I do with my day and the actions that I take. Whether I wake up and the internet loves me or I wake up and the internet hates me, I'm going to do my fucking shit I need to do for myself anyway. That's the cage. That's how to stop giving a fuck.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
It's to give more of a fuck about what I'm trying to do and what's important to me. A lot of people ask me, how do you not give a fuck what people think? It's not that I just don't care. It's that I care more about myself and what I'm trying to do. Like the whole trick is like not how to stop caring. It's how to care more about something where everything pales in comparison.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I'm more concerned about my meal plan, the gym, my business shit, making money, going on my trip for my birthday than I care about someone writing an article. It impacts me zero. So... Like with emotions and me feeling worthless when I said I was gonna make this. Okay, what does that impact? Nothing. I can still take the action and to say, oh, it's so impactful to feel that way.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
It only feels impactful if you let it fuck you up. Like if you let it trip you up, that's when you're like, oh my God, it was so catastrophic. It was such a big thing. Like the other day I found out a friend of mine isn't a fucking friend of mine. And it was just another fucking friend doing some fuck shit. And I'm like, okay, so another one bites the dust. Next.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Instead of sitting there and crying and boohooing and being all upset about it, reading into it for fucking what? I got shit to do. It's a lot more important. I've had enough friends betray me. It ain't nothing new to me. For people to be too fucking weak, have no integrity, no character and be fucking worthless. I wouldn't even spit on you if you was fucking on fire. That's normal.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I want to talk about committing to yourself. Because there's things that happen in life that Everything's happening all the time. A lot of things have been going wrong recently. A lot of things have been going right. But now I'm in a period of like everything I'm intentionally trying to do is going a little crooked, pissing me off.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I've been through it so many times. Why am I going to act like it's the first time? Why am I going to get all upset about it and let it stop me? What the fuck do I look like? I say that all the time. Like, what the fuck do I look like letting this bother me? Another thing that I've been kind of dealing with recently is like, I feel bad for how people make me feel about them.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And then I don't give a fuck. It's like that weird thing of like what you did. was not good and it hurt me or whatever happens. And it's like, now I'm in a place where I feel bad because of how I feel about you. That's not my problem. And that's another thing with the cage of like, okay, you feel guilty. You feel bad for how someone made you feel about them.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
How do you not expect me to feel like this about you after what you did? Okay, so am I the asshole for voicing it? No. I'm going to tell you how I feel about you. I feel like that's more respectable and better for me to let it out than to just sit here and pretend. I don't pretend. I don't have time, tolerance, or patience to pretend. But another way that I frame the whole thing of like...
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
Taking care of yourself no matter what is going on around you, like the whole thing with the cage. The cage thing. You're going to lock down around whatever you need to do, no excuse. The way that I always take care of myself and do what needs to be done is there is no excuse if a parent has a child of, oh, these things happen during the day and I just feel drained and tired. I'm irritated.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
I'm whatever. That's why I'm not going to feed you. That's why I'm not going to give you a bath. That's why I'm not going to make sure you're okay. I'm going to let everything that's happened outside of the world and everything that's not your fault, I'm going to choose to neglect you and justify it because my day didn't go good. That's a piece of shit as a parent.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
So I take that approach with myself of... I'm not going to give myself an excuse or try and justify neglecting myself because something happened outside of my cage. I don't care what happened. Being mad, being sad, being drained, being tired doesn't matter when you have to do things for yourself. You have to do them. There's no excuse.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And if you do make excuses and neglect yourself because you didn't feel like it, Look at what you're doing to yourself. It's pathetic. Like I said, I'm not in the fucking mood right now. And you can tell I'm not in the mood to record this podcast. Every Sunday I put out a podcast if I'm able to do it. And I have a very thin line of when I'm not able to do something.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And external circumstances do not get to dictate how you commit to yourself and treat yourself. Even when it comes to this discipline, I don't even know what angle to start going into this from, but like the discipline of like, I'll be fucked if something external is gonna change the way that I treat myself. It's taken a long time for me to finally create a cage around myself.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
If something's fully out of my control, if I'm sick, if equipment breaks or whatever the fuck happens, that's out of my control. But like me not feeling like it. That's not a valid excuse. I've not felt like it plenty of times with plenty of shit and still did it. So, okay. Like literally, I look at it like I'm having a kid. There's no excuse.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
There's no fucking way you would tell me anything is justified for me not to show up for my child. That's exactly how I turn it toward myself. I don't look at myself like a baby, like a child, but I use that lens to cut through bullshit excuses and justification. The same way you wouldn't justify neglecting a kid if you were a parent. Yeah, don't fly.
Aware and Aggravated
30. Feeling Worthless Is Fine. Stop Stressing Yourself Out
And the same thing kind of goes with my sobriety, like being sober from alcohol for a year. Plenty of people have looked at me with what I've been going through with certain times of my life and been like, oh, I wouldn't blame you if you drank. A lot of people were like, you should just drink so you could chill out. And I didn't. It doesn't matter how valid it is to break your word to yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
But because you're not addressing how hard it is emotionally to do it and all the urges and all the tricks your brain will play on you when you're trying to quit a certain substance. I've had bad relationships with all kind of stuff. Addictions, I haven't talked about yet, but I will. But when I said it's a discipline thing, they don't want to accept that because I'm special. I'm different.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
No, it's not that easy. I don't like the truth. When I started smoking again, because of me choosing to, what I was going through in life, I wanted a fucking cigarette to try and handle and go through it. When I started smoking again, they used that as an opportunity of like, look, see, it's not that simple. You're a liar. You're wrong.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
It's not that simple to just put it down because look, you're smoking again. I fucking chose to smoke again. Yeah, I want to have a little cigarette. If you let this, it will get in your head and make you start to question if you're actually right. It will make you start to feed into your own delusions of maybe I can't control myself. Maybe it is more than I thought.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Maybe I am helpless and powerless. They teach you to complicate shit. to make you weaker so they don't have to face the fact of how weak they actually are. It's a bad dynamic. So if you know the truth, you know the way that things are, you know how it is. What you over here questioning if you're weak for? Why you over here living life by their rules and their guidelines? Look at them.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
They can't even fucking take a shower, most of them. Please. Another thing that will make you start to question yourself is when people can't convince you that you're wrong. They attack your tone. It's the way you said it. You're insensitive. That's the whole pity thing. You want me to not tell you the truth or not be so animated about certain shit because that's the only arguing point you got.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Like, that's the only point people have to fight is like, I don't like what you said, even though it's true. So what can I still attack the way you said it? Because I don't like it. You think I give a fuck how I say certain things? People don't have time to sit here and nitpick to everybody's feelings.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And when I tried to do that, it ruined my relationship with myself and made me feel even more weak, where I had to attend to every single feeling of myself and everybody else. That shit does make you weak. When you are living in a world where nobody can handle the truth and just straight shot coming out of your mouth,
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
It makes you feel weaker because you're constantly having to dial yourself back and overthink and hold yourself back and exhaust the fuck out of yourself to try and cater to everybody's feelings. If they can't handle it, they can't handle it. People don't want to watch me because I'm too harsh. I don't give a fuck. People don't want to watch me because I'm bow-headed. Valid.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
That had nothing to do with nothing. But people have all these criticisms about me. I'm this. I'm that. And they will discredit any good that I've done in this world. No, you're just the evil, bald piece of shit. Okay. To you, I'm not. But to everybody else who's living in reality on this side of the fence, they get it. So if you don't get it, shut the fuck up and go on.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And there is strong people this side, and then there are fake strong people who are actually very weak. And people who live in reality and have actually survived hard things, not people who are just scared and have so much anxiety they got to medicate themselves to go to the coffee shop.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Okay, so another thing that will make you feel like you're weaker than you actually are is when people cannot fathom that you've been through what you've been through and you don't look like it. You don't allow yourself to be disheveled and destroyed by things that they would be destroyed by. They can't accept that reality in their brain, so they have to convince themselves you're a liar.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
You watch people do it to me all the time. I've talked about what I've been through in the past and people make videos calling me a liar, saying that I'm lying about what I've been through and I'm lying about certain things. And where this makes you feel weak is you're having to revisit everything you've been through with somebody trying to poke holes in every fucking thing.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
So you got to relive what's already happened and was bad. And then you have all this added criticism and all this shit of people calling you a liar. And you're spending time trying to defend yourself and not be so abrasive and mean. Well, I'm calling you a liar because you said it like this. I don't give a fuck. Okay? I said it like what? How it happened? Boo hoo.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
I'm never going to apologize for what I've been through. And you can bet every hair on my fucking head that I will never apologize that you weren't ready to hear it. I don't care that the truth of what I've been through is too abrasive or too scary for certain people. I didn't want it to happen to me. So I don't give a damn you didn't want to hear it.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
If you clicked on my fucking video, you clicked on it. You chose to watch it, so that's not my problem. But with so many people attacking you and having to discredit you, it will make you start to feel weak because you lose track and you lose sight of what's actually going on. You go into the whole thing of trying to prove yourself and trying to...
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Two different types of people we're talking about and listening too much to fake strong people will make you feel weak when you aren't. So I hope I can clear up a lot of the crap that you feel and a lot of crap that you see online. I'm sick of it. I've fallen into all these traps and I felt very weak for the past year.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Basically, deal with all of the hate that gets poured at you when it's not even about you. The hate ain't about you. The hate is about people don't want to face the reality. So it will make you feel very weak because you're going to feel more emotional. You're going to be walking through life and every little thing is going to piss you off and upset you and you'll feel more emotional.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
So you will start to feel more weak. Having discipline will be a little bit harder because you have more emotions because motherfuckers are picking at you and poking at you. You are not actually weak. There's just so many more added things that might be making you feel weak. And I want to wake you up to them because you ain't fucking weak.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
These people are only attacking you because they see how weak they are. That's the game. And the other thing is when you see strong people, you can't fathom usually that they're They've cried themselves to sleep, or they've almost taken their own lives, or they've hit such low points of actual weakness to be able to be as strong as they are.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
They just see the strength and don't understand the contrast exists. You can't be... very strong without having hit a point of extreme weakness. It's as weak as you've been is as strong as you can be. Most of these people ain't strong cause they ain't been through shit. They're fake strong. Like I'm talking about. So that's another thing to keep in mind is like people can't fathom strength and
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
is bred from weakness. They forget that part. And a lot of people who attack you are never ever gonna see that they're abusing you even worse. All the people who make videos about me, all the people who talk shit on me, all the people who have betrayed me and done all this and done all that, they're never ever gonna see
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
what they're doing is taking someone who's actually been through this shit that I'm describing and have talked about. And then they've just abused me even worse. They're never going to see it.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And the other flip of that is when they start poking at you and they start fucking with you, when you've been through things and you've had to actually like access a part of yourself where you're forced to protect yourself, like, You can be very vicious and I'm very, very fucking vicious when I got to protect myself. I choose not to, but that is still inside of me.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And when they pick at you to try and pull it out, all they're trying to get is validation. You are fucking crazy. You are a liar. You are psychotic. A lot of people call me a pussy and call me a bitch and all this and that. They try and like discredit me. None of them have ever stepped to my fucking face and said it. And best believe the first one who does will never speak again.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
I'm snatching their tongue out their fucking throat. It's not happening. But any kind of reaction or retaliation they can get out of you is just a setup. They're setting you up to justify and validate everything that they're saying because someone that's actually healed from and can deal with what they've been through that you're claiming wouldn't act like that. No, that's not the point.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
But one thing I want to say is strong people are the only ones who can actually feel weak. You ain't no weak little shit, okay? You might feel weak sometimes, but it's not the truth. First thing I want to hit on all this is there are so many reasons you might feel weak, even if you have so much lived experience that you're not. And it comes down to people blinding you to your own strength.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
You're fucking with me. You're poking me. If you poke a bear and wonder why you got bit, you're a fucking idiot. That's the core of it. These people just want to poke you and poke you and poke you. But it's just to get justification that what they're trying to use to discredit you is true. So they don't have to face the fact that they actually are strong enough to get out of where they're at.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
They want to stay comfortable in it. Don't fall into this trap. I fell into it real hard. Don't bother. Do not. And that's another thing that makes you feel weak is trying so hard to like have self-restraint and control yourself and not slip into old patterns. It's hard. And nobody's going to give you credit for that. They're only going to attack you worse when you slip up.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
When you don't exude a level of strength that these people can't even have for themselves, when you slip up one time and you defend yourself, oh no, immediately, you're shamed and ridiculed and attacked even worse. And nobody's gonna acknowledge how many times you just got hit and took it on the chin and how much strength that took.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
They're only gonna highlight that one moment of weakness that you had and it will make you start to think that you're weak. I see all the times you gotta restrain yourself. I know what real strength is. Not fucking killing a lot of people is a level of strength most people don't understand. And this whole dynamic will push you to a point of madness.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Hanging on as long as you have, if you relate to anything I'm saying, that's a validation of your strength. These people are fucking with you and they're abusing you worse. They're never going to see it. But I want you to know somebody does see it and somebody else is going through it and has been going through it. And I'll go through it the rest of my fucking life. But you aren't alone in it.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And I see it. I get it fully. Another way that this can make you like blind to your strength is people will hold you to standards they can't even hold themselves to. Like I talked about with having to restrain yourself when they're abusing you. They could never take it. They get cussed out by one person.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
They get called a certain slur by one person in public and go home and cry and make a TikTok about it and they're fucked up about it. Gotta go get a whole new dosage upped on their medication to deal with it and function in real life. When you're strong, people are going to hold you to standards that they couldn't even access themselves. It's going to be a world of hypocrisy that you live in.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
So I just want to highlight that. If you feel like people expect more of you than they expect of themselves, it is a sign that you are so much stronger. One, than them. But two, than you think or feel at certain times. Like I said, the strength comes with... points of weakness that makes you forget the strength sometimes.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
But that level of frustration of wanting to bash people's head in because they expect so much of you and zero of themselves, that's a mindfuck. That one I still don't fully wrap my head around. I can't get that one because it doesn't make sense. And you will feel punished at times for being resilient and
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
When you're put in positions where you're forced to be resilient and you have to keep going, there's no option to quit. There's no option to stop. And you have a level of strength and resilience that comes out of that. It's going to be used against you all the time. When I was on tour last year, I got in a car wreck in between my shows. I should be dead. I shouldn't have lived.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And I was in the car with my mom. We're on the way to the hospital. I get calls from certain people saying, about business shit and their first concern is, oh, are you still good to do the other shows? We don't have to push anything back, right? Like you're still good? Like you almost died, but like you're good, right? The level of zero compassion that you get when you are strong is crazy.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And when you treat people how they treated you, you're the bad guy, you're the asshole. Because I had a whole experience of Certain people with all the Palisades fires in LA, like all the whole fire ordeal. I'm very big on not doing to people what they did to me just to be petty. I used to do it all the time.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And we got to talk about empathy versus pity. What you see online is a bunch of people who offer pity to others. They're not actually empathetic. But when you don't look like what you've been through, it makes it real hard for people to pity you. And people seem to only care about and love those that they can pity. People only love you when you're weak or when they see you as weaker than them.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
But that's another added level of strength is when you don't allow things that have happened to you change how you treat other people. But when the fires happened, certain people that I work with business-wise, certain ones that called me that night, you still good to do the show? Yeah. Right after I almost fucking died on the way to the hospital.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
These same people, when the fires happened, my first reaction is text everybody, make sure they're good, make sure they're okay, make sure they're safe. I have a lot of business shit I have to do. I have a lot of calls I'm waiting on. I have a lot of information. I have a lot of things that are stacked that these people are responsible for.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And when they were in a situation where a lot of bad things were happening around them, I called to check and make sure everybody's good. I'm offering people money. Just because I care about them. Business aside, I see human beings. Everybody who was involved in most of this, everybody was fine. Nobody was impacted. Nobody personally. Nobody's friends. The company. The building.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Nothing was impacted. Weeks go by. And everybody keeps saying, oh, we're still trying to recoup. We're still trying to recover. And everybody's trying to get adjusted from what's happened. After two weeks of being understanding and lenient, I was at the point where I was like, okay, maybe something's going on. I don't know. Let me be understanding.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
After three weeks and another clarification, nobody's been impacted. What the fuck am I sitting here waiting for? Get back to work. I didn't even have three fucking hours off of almost actually personally dying before business was brought back into my hands. Everybody got three weeks and I was still teetered with that whole, oh, just give us some time. We're all just trying to adjust.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Like this is why things have been slow. Now I'm at a point I don't give a fuck why things are slow. Back to work because money is taken from me regardless of how I'm doing or what I'm going through. I'm expected to be there and perform and show up and do what the fuck I gotta do. Everybody's still taking money from me no matter what is going on. So the work needs to fucking be done.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
I've been more than considerate. I've been more than lenient. I didn't treat you how you treated me. But you still couldn't handle it? That shit pisses me off. When people hold me to a standard they can't even come close to. And that is a signal and a sign of absolute strength. So if you deal with this, like I said, don't for a second doubt yourself that you're insensitive or that you're weak. No.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And with situations like this where people hold you to a certain standard, usually they do it with no comfort or consideration or concern to you. So when you're actually struggling, being held to a very, very high standard, there's like an absence of comfort. It's just an expectation of like, oh, no, it's going to get done. People are not going to comfort you and be there for you.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
So that's a situation where you will question yourself. Am I weak? You're not. At all. Strong people do deal with feeling neglected a lot. I do. All the fucking time. People act like I don't feel certain things and go through things. It's like I feel everything everybody else feels. I just have the ability to still function. And that's the thing.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
So like don't get in your head worrying about if you're weak, if you're this, if you're that. No. And the whole thing, especially with relationships, when people like to make you the bad guy, be the bad guy, be the motherfucker.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
I just step into it, lean into it because what is turning against yourself and trying to rip yourself apart to try and cater to them and their feeling is going to do make you feel weaker. When you use people not being strong enough as a time to attack yourself and
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
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Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And a lot of people will confuse you and blind you to your own strength. So let's talk about the difference between pity and empathy. Pitying people, it's like this whole trend of like, do not say anything that will hurt anyone's feelings. They've been through enough. Do not tell them the truth. Because they're already upset. Even if the truth is going to help them, don't say it. That's mean.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Thank you for watching. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. you. Thank you.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
That's so insensitive. They want to pity you. Everybody's running off of pity, and I can't stand it. It makes me want to spit. And if you're someone that can't be pitied, you're going to be treated like dog shit. Hi, we're here with you. But on the flip side, empathy...
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
I see it as understanding and seeing how someone feels, understanding where they're at and telling them what is actually going to help them, not just trying to comfort them because they've been through too much. Empathy is giving someone the truth.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Even though it hurts, because you know and you understand, the truth is the only thing strong enough to shatter the fake reality that you're living in. I'm a very, very, very empathetic person. People always say I'm not. I'm an asshole. I'm evil. I'm crazy. Do all those sides of me exist? Yes.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
But when I'm delivering information, I've never said anything online with the sole intention of trying to harm someone or hurt people. They do that to me. I've never just said shit to hurt somebody. That's the difference. These people think that they're empathetic. They're not. They like to pity people because it serves them to see other people as weaker than them. Empathy is I'm a stand here.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
and tell you the truth no matter what because i'm actually looking out for what's best for you if i know something or have experienced something or have advice on something where i know i can actually help you it's not gonna taste good and feel good to face reality and face the truth but the truth is the only thing strong enough to set you free i always say things even if it's gonna hurt
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
If it's going to help you, I'm going to help you. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. It's like these people who are trying to do the whole body positivity shit. People who are 700 pounds are not healthy, but they don't want to tell you that. They want to say, no, science is wrong. You are healthy. You're beautiful. And I love you just how you are.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
You're lying to them to not hurt their feelings. So these people pride themselves off of not sharing anything, truth or not, that hurts people. It's not intentionally hurting someone to tell them the truth, but I'm going to step back from that. You already get the fucking point.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
But a truth I'm going to spit out right now, don't give a damn who it hurts, is you actually cannot be empathetic if you ain't been through shit. If you haven't actually felt how somebody else has felt or experienced something that's gotten close to that, you can't be empathetic toward it. You can be empathetic to certain sides of things, but you can't be empathetic. Prime example.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Imagine you're getting ready to go out with your friends. Your friend comes out and is like, what do you think of my outfit? Somebody who pities you is going to say, oh... You look great, even though you look like shit. Someone who is actually empathetic and someone who actually cares for you is going to tell you the truth, even though it hurts your feelings. Babe, what the hell is that?
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
What are you wearing? Maybe let's go pick something else. That's empathy because empathy is seeing the pain you're going to feel and after you leave the house. Empathetic people protect you from future pain. People who pity you don't want to hurt your feelings and they don't care how much more pain is ahead of you because they didn't tell you the truth. Tell your friend they look like shit.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Maybe don't say it that harshly, but be honest. Maybe let's pick something else. I'm not really feeling that vibe. Like, be honest. And that's the biggest thing is like honesty has turned into something that people shame you for because you're honest, you're abusive. No, I'm realistic.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
But the way that this will make you feel more weak than you actually are is people who want to pity you will make you feel even more powerless. And they will teach you and try and convince you that you're more broken than you actually are. They're going to do the whole thing of like, oh, with everything you've been through, I love you exactly how you are.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
If you want to lose weight, you don't need to. You're perfect just how you are. You don't need to be further traumatizing yourself and restricting food from yourself. You don't need to abuse yourself to force yourself to have discipline and go to the gym and work toward goals. They look at having goals and having any kind of self-control as abuse. So they're not going to encourage you to do that.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
So they'll blind you to the fact that you do have control and you are able to handle things. They're going to say, oh, no, no. Going to the gym is abusive. Watching what you eat is... I don't want you to get an eating disorder. You've already been through so much. They're going to baby you. And they're going to fuck you up worse. And that's where it's going to lead you to feeling weak.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And they do not want you... even if you're strong enough to actually execute on goals that you have, they don't want you to. Because for people to hear that you've been through worse than them, and you can still do what they've convinced themselves that they can't, They have to face their week.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And a lot of people don't want to see the truth of themselves, especially when it's that, when they're a weak piece of shit. They don't want to see that. You're going to become a walking invalidation as soon as you step into the power that you do have and the strength that you do have. So these are the type people who want you to stay weak or be blind to your own strength.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
because it makes them not have to face what they've decided is true for them. I have anxiety. I have to take antidepressants and I have to take all of these things because I have depression. I can't make myself go to the gym because of how I feel inside. And if you're saying that you feel those things too, no, going to the gym is abusive for us. You don't have to do that.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
The way that they set themselves off the hook and get pressure off of themselves when they see you able to withstand the pressure and still meet the goal. They don't like that. They can't face that. And that leads me to my next point where these people convince themselves that they're special. So with me, there's been periods of my life where I've had to just survive.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
anxiety and depression were the least of my worries. Yeah, I felt them. But my whole objective and what I had to do, the place I was forced to be in was survive. When you meet somebody whose biggest issue of the day is, oh my God, I just have so much anxiety. I have to go to the coffee shop. Oh my God. Like, I don't know. I'm scared. Yeah. We don't relate to that.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
People are always going to hate you when you don't look like what you've been through. And that's not your problem. A lot of people are going to try and teach you to be weak. That's for them. That's not for you. Literally look at most of the advice out there. Oh, meditate, drink a lemon water, love yourself how you are. Yeah, how far did that get you? Exactly where it got them.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
If you've been through shit, you understand that level of anxiety is nothing crippling to you. That was the least of your worries. Going to get a goddamn coffee when you're trying to over here, survive when the system's failing you, when nobody's coming to save you, no one's coming to help you. You're going through some abusive shit, whatever it is, you're not going to be able to relate.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
So your anxiety that you feel is, Shit's on theirs, but they can't see that. They want to feel comfortable with allowing their anxiety and all of their issues to be justification for why they can't do something. They have to be special. Well, my anxiety is different. You just don't get it. What the fuck you been through, girl?
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
You were going through a talking stage and somebody ghosted you and now you all traumatized about it. That's your biggest trauma you've been through? Right, okay. So somebody who's actually been through really hard things, it's gonna cause this giant like, Fight, basically. Because like I said, you've experienced real anxiety. They've experienced TikTok anxiety. They ain't real.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
They over here eating antidepressants for what you got to be depressed about. What are these people actually got issues with? And the whole thing with the autistic trend going on, and I'm going to call it a fucking trend because everybody's jumping on this trend trying to say that they're autistic. Why? Why? It's like people get off on diagnosing themselves with shit.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And these people scream and yell and cause a fuss that you're crazy. You don't get it. You don't actually know what anxiety is just because you overcame it. And you dealt with struggles that didn't allow you to cripple and fall. You were forced to be resilient. And they don't understand that. And they're gonna have to demonize you. They're gonna have to be special.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
It's like when you use the example of Losing weight. You don't defy physics. You don't defy human biology. These people want some kind of secret trick or secret hack to it. When I say it's a fucking numbers game, They don't want to hear it. They don't want to accept it. It's a calories game. Calories in, calories out. What happens if you don't fucking eat? You lose weight.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
But for whatever reason, they can't accept that. They can't face reality and the truth. They've convinced themselves they're special. No, my anxiety is different. I have to take these antidepressants. No, my body is different. I can't lose weight. It's not just a numbers game for me.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
They like lock themselves in this perspective where they're special and they need some kind of like new secret way of doing shit. You don't defy basic biology and physics. If you want to lose weight, it's a fucking numbers game. But they can't accept that. People who actually like are based in reality and you've been checked, life hasn't allowed you to be delusional.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
You're going to be like, okay, yeah. I got to go to gym or I got to eat less. And then you lose weight. These people will never lose weight because they can't accept that truth. That's the thing is people like me and you, if you relate to what I'm saying so far, we've been forced to see the truth of life.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
And then there's this whole new wave of like this whole society of people who will fight tooth and nail to not see the truth. I don't get it, but we're not meant to get it. We just got to observe it. And you got to stop letting these people fuck you up and make you think that you're weak just because they're weak. You're not wrong. You're not a problem.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
You're not an issue because you see the truth. And a big thing that's messed me up a lot is like thinking that people are mad at me or fighting me. No, they're fighting the truth that I'm speaking. I'm just a mirror and they're seeing themselves. They don't want to accept it. They don't want to see it. They want to do anything they can to get the mirror out of their fucking face.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
They look exactly like what they've been through. No, not over here. Hi, friends. This is how to stop being weak or feeling weak. Because you're not. Because you would have folded already. There's this weird thing that happens when you've been through things and you've actually experienced hard shit in your life where you see reality. You see the truth of things.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
So they're going to attack it. Sometimes things are really just that simple. And that leads me to my second point. And another example is like when you give advice and they won't accept it and they have to convince you that you're wrong. With smoking, when I talk about smoking, smoking a little cigarette, when I quit smoking and I said, it's a discipline thing.
Aware and Aggravated
26. How To Stop Being Weak
Don't put it up to your fucking mouth and don't smoke. If you don't want to smoke, you can do that. These people convince themselves, no, I just can't control myself. It's not like that. It's not like that. No, it's not that simple. And then I did it. I quit smoking for a few months. It is that fucking simple.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
The more I got anxious like that and was trying to prove myself and hold on to these people and make sure they saw who I truly am, it's useless. You don't got to grip onto it. Sit back and relax. It's scary as hell to do it. A lot of people are going to say, oh, you just have to leave your comfort zone. This is a version of that.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I want to do an episode about leaving your comfort zone, like how to do it for real. But sitting back and relaxing into, okay, people are going to have any opinion of me. Cool. That is leaving your comfort zone. Just sitting back and relaxing because you're going to be scared shitless. You're going to have all the anxious thoughts. You're going to have all that like, oh my God, yeah, no.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
You just got to sit there, feel it, and sit your ass still. Keep being who you are. People who are going to see it are going to see it. People who want to demonize you will literally find anything to do it. So I want to further like hammer this final point in, nail in the coffin with it. You can't control how people see you. And if they want to see you bad, they will see you bad.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
You can't change that. But that doesn't take anything from you. It feels so scary when people don't like you. People think you're a bad person. People have all these opinions of you. It's only scary because you think you're going to lose something. You're not.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Only time you lose something is when people have a negative opinion of you and you change yourself or you put all of your focus and attention onto them and you climb in their perspective and you try and play the ping pong game of back and forth of how can I make sure that they see me as good? Why the fuck are you so desperate to stay in good standing with them?
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Who gives this shit? Since when is being human not like a thing? Like, oh, I can't have a pimple. God, for fuck's sake. And I take all the precautionary steps. I be doing skincare. Boots. I got all the nice shit. I do morning and night. Make sure I'm always on top of it. But you're still going to get a pimple here and there. You're human.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
You are capable of so much more than you think in this life. You don't fucking need nobody. You might feel like you do. Emotionally, it might hurt. But at the end of the day, at the core of it, God didn't send you in this life as a weak little shit. Every single one of us has a soul. If you don't believe in it, wake up. We all got soul. We all got life force energy. We all got intuition.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
You weren't sent into this little arena of life in the physical world to... Be powerless and be a little baby back bitch. You weren't sent here with nothing. As soon as you could tap into that, gag. But the biggest thing with insecurity, the biggest one. Oh my God, it sucks. Oh my God, because you have to feel it. Everybody does not want to feel. I get it. I've been there.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I spent the last year of my life and so fucking numbed out where I couldn't feel nothing. But it still was creepy, man. Like the feelings don't go away. It's like when people say that they blackout drunk, I don't believe it because it don't matter how drunk I am.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I've been pissy drunk, like gone, laid out on the pavement, staring up at the sky, can't get up, like my body can't function, but my brain and my intuition were still there. I was still aware of what was going on, even though I couldn't like move, my body was too drunk. I don't believe the whole you black out and don't remember nothing.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I've blacked out plenty of times where it's like you drink past that limit, but I still remember certain pieces. I don't black out completely, but I know that there's certain like drugs, things like that people can like spike you drink with and it'll make you fully forget things. But the whole blackout thing. The feeling is always there. Like my awareness is just always there.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And I feel like it's just a cop-out. Once you understand emotions, like you're in tune with your emotions, it don't go away. No matter how much you drink, no matter how much you snort, no matter how much you smoke, it's always there. Even just a little. But that's low-key such a comfort for me. Yeah, we don't want to feel the feelings of trying to escape.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But no matter how much I tried to shut them out, they wouldn't leave me. I didn't get abandoned by them. I have my little compass still of what feels right and what feels wrong. And... The whole thing that I've learned with insecurity recently, the past few episodes, I've been doing a whole life shift. I'm taking you along the journey. But with insecurity and doubt, yes, they come up.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Everybody feels insecurity. Everybody feels doubt. Every single person. But the way to combat that and shortcut it and like... have proof for yourself and something to rely on and be able to like fact check to reassure yourself. Because empty reassurance don't work over here. We could logic our way into anything and we could still be anxious. You literally like, that's the way our brains work.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I don't think there should be any room for insecurity around being a human being at all. Now, I'm not saying you should just be like doing your bodily functions wherever you want, however you feel. But like throwing up is not a weird thing. You got to throw up, okay, you got to stick. Your body doesn't want something in it, okay, you got to throw up, whatever.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
If you relate to anything, I fucking say, yeah, we can logic anything, but we still don't like it. We can fully have all of the logical proof in front of us, but if we're doubting something, if we're worried, there's no touching it. The only thing I've found that can touch it and get rid of the doubt and the worry and insecurity is taking actions
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
where you're in line with the way that you feel and you know it feels right. I was the most insecure when I was numbing myself. I had to numb myself to survive for a while. That's one thing I will say is people demonize all this, that, and like coping your way through life. Sometimes you gotta. And some people are gonna say, oh, Leo, that's bad to say.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I don't give a, oh my God, I don't give a shit. Sometimes life happens and is fucking you up worse and way past your capacity to deal with it. And when things surpass that, some people will reach for external things and some people will unalive themselves.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
So I have a relationship to external help and substances in the past of I'm grateful for them because I'm only alive because they were able to take... that little bit of edge off where I could still stay here, you know, but I'm not on anything anymore. And I'm so proud to say that. What the fuck? Ivy smoking cigarettes. Yes, absolutely. I'm going to kick them eventually again, but not for now.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I'm enjoying it. I'm having fun. I'm back drinking alcohol. I did my little year sober, but I'm not doing any drugs. And I can't like explain how happy I am. Like, was it hell to get myself through withdrawals and get through everything? I did it alone, yeah. And I'll do an episode talking about it eventually. But I'm two months, nothing. Just some cigarettes and some coffee and a little alcohol.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Not every day. Alcohol, like, on the weekend. Like, party fun shit, like I used to. But the whole thing I'm saying with this is, like, when you're numbing yourself out, that's when I felt the most anxious, the most insecure because I wasn't present and, like, feeling...
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
the decisions I was making, I was just making them and out of logic or like what seemed right or obligation or like what someone told me to do. And I wasn't like present with myself and understood how I felt about things before I acted. And that's when I had the most doubt and insecurity and worry.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But now that I'm taking actions where I know what I feel, I know what I think, and I know what I feel in the moment when I do it. If I feel good about it, if it feels right and I do it and then I start to have doubt because it doesn't go how I thought or whatever, I don't play into it. I don't question it. I don't think about it because I knew how I felt when I did it. It was aligned.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
It felt aligned and I'm going to trust that. And every single time for the past three weeks that I've followed how I felt and And I made a decision that felt aligned, felt good. I'm like, I feel good about this. This is what I want. This is in line with my integrity, my morals, or I just get an intuitive hit of like, this is a no. I can't explain it.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But people who be like farting in public and be like burping and being disrespectful, I don't like that. That's different. But there's like no shame around being a human being. Especially with stretch marks. A lot of people are so insecure about having stretch marks. I have them too. I got them from lifting. Okay, cool.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I don't know why this is a no, but this is just a no. Every single time I've followed that, if something seemingly air quote bad happened right after, or it didn't go how I thought it would, it came later and flipped better. It's like the little hiccup happened, but it was like a redirection to something else. Making decisions that feel aligned have never led me to a bad spot.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Let me think about that. Really ever in life, because when things led me to bad things... It's always come around, but especially the past three weeks because I'm as most tuned in as I've ever been and I'm not numbed out. Nothing's gone bad, wrong, or like fucked up in a way where it didn't fix itself or a new opportunity didn't come from it. It's weird. Very weird. Very cool.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But I don't feel insecure anymore because I know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I know why I'm trusting myself. Like I feel it. And it's like my confirmation, my reassurance is the emotional state and the feeling of alignment before I do shit. One more thing that just popped up in my head. This bald noggin full of tricks.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Oh, when you switch into like a new way of doing things and you're trying to be like a new version of yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
you have to start rejecting treatment that isn't up to the new reality that you want like the new version of you if you're getting opportunities that are not up to standard you have to decline them and you have to put buffers and not accept treatment or service or opportunity that is not where you're headed what you want and where you want to go if it's not up to new use standards don't take it and i had an opportunity and i'm just going to talk about it
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
This shit was disrespect disguised as an opportunity. And I have to fill you in so you have a little bit more understanding of like the whole influencer world. So on TikTok, I hit 6.1 million followers. Cool, right? Awesome. Woo. On my birthday, March 7th, I hit 5 million. It's like March... 23rd. We have 6.1. Everything's going great.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Since this whole shift, yes, when I said I'm acting in alignment, very much. On Instagram, I got 1.6 million followers. I had a brand reach out. I ain't had a brand deal offer in over a year for all the controversy that's happened online. There's been no decent conversations, but this is the first brand deal that's come along where someone slapped money down.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But like I have some on my stomach too because when I was younger, I grew fast. I'm 6'7". So I have stretch marks like on my stomach. They're not that noticeable. But who gives a fuck? Like truly. Most of the people you see online, girl. They be filtering it. The people that I've seen with the best skin in the world, body skin, face skin, everything.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
So over a year ago, I had about half the following I have now. I was making between $25,000 and $40,000 a month. for a sponsored post. It would be a post on TikTok, and then I would post it on Instagram Reels. So it's a video. That's the brand exposure, that's the game. So half the followers I had, 25 to 40,000 for the post. And that is a replacement and a supplement for advertisement.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
So I'll let you know a little bit about the influencer world. So for a company to go pay for ads to have their product or their company be publicized, it's about $10,000 for ads 1 million impressions. So for a million people to see it, it's like 10, if someone don't know what they're doing, $15,000 for a company to pay that.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
So for them to go pay an influencer with millions of followers who can pull them a few million views, for them to go pay an influencer 40 grand for a post, I pulled two to three million views a video. that's very much going to be a good return on their money. So influencers don't make a lot of money because they're special.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
You're a replacement for advertisement, but a lot of brands are noticing a lot of influencers don't have pull for fucking shit. A lot of them sold out and a lot of their followers don't care about them no more. So brand deals are not as like common, but especially with me with the whole controversy, all this and that people just, they too scared to align. They too scared to associate with me. Fine.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I get it. I respect it. But do not come to fuck back now that I'm doing good. Once you turn your back on me, you stay turned for life. That goes people, brands, businesses, everybody. I'm big on loyalty. If you ain't got none, get fucked. But now that you have a little bit of the background and like a little information about what I was making.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
There are influencers who, at my following now, at 6.1 million on TikTok and 1.6 million on Instagram, $100,000 a post they're fucking making. It's usually between like $60,000 to $100,000. A lot of people online pretend like they're broke. These influencers got buku fucking money, all right? But just to gauge and give you a reference,
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
A brand deal for me now, if a brand got the balls to pay it, minimum they should come in with an offer is $50,000. Just based off of the following and the engagement that I have. I got Alex Earl numbers right now. This is crazy. But I had an offer come in recently. And like I said, it was disrespect disguised as an opportunity.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
A company who I actually like offered me $20,000 for a post on TikTok and Instagram. Now, a lot of people are going to hear that number and be like, oh my God, take it. It's $20,000. I get it. I would love to have the $20,000. But to take that opportunity is fucking myself big time. I don't care who says what. That's stupid. I've turned down deals like that. I've turned down deals six figures.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
When I lived in LA, when I would see them at events, see them at parties and shit, I'm like, what is all that? You look like me. You got little spots. They got like the texture on their arms. Like I have it sometimes. I have to use the scrubs, like get the texture off. They be having acne on their face, on their body. They just edit it out online. Being a human being ain't weird.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
for little mental health service apps and providers because I don't believe in that shit. They're full of it. But now I'm at a point where I'm like, oh my God, brand deals are coming back in. What the hell? That's disrespectful. These brands know what they're doing. They just think I'm fucking stupid and I'm not. I'm with UTA. They know what they're doing too.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But it's like, I appreciate that a brand has the balls and they're willing to associate with me. But at the same time, You're not going to just get to get on here. Like you're not going to be bringing breadcrumbs to the table. You're going to bring a feast or you're not going to sit at my fucking table because I'm going to give you a feast back.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And I'm the type, if I do a brand deal for somebody and it don't go that viral or it doesn't perform that well, I'll do it again for free because I want to make sure everybody's taken care of. Nobody in business will ever, has ever, and is ever gonna be fucked over by me. Nobody's going to be able to walk away from any interaction with me and say, Leo fucked me over. Leo betrayed me.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Nobody gets to say that ever. I always make sure everybody's taken care of. I don't believe in bad business. I don't like it. But I pride myself on that. And by acting like this and living in line like this, how am I supposed to feel insecure? What am I going to feel insecure about? People who are talking shit about me online do OF. Sorry, I don't respect no man who does that.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
No, that's for the girls. There's a way to do it tastefully. I don't like people be full fledged, like going to pound town. And like, I don't like the whole, like,
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
corn industry i have to say it like that because there's so many fucking guidelines jesus christ but i don't like that industry i think there's a tasteful way for women to do it it's like of came up and it was like a way for women to make money and it was like men are already sexualizing you so go just do like some provocative little like bikini photos whatever girls made a ton of money with that i'm like okay i get it i don't agree with the whole like
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
fully intercourse and posting that online, I feel like if you do it tastefully, that's for the girls. You know what I mean? They pretty to look at, they smell good, they look nice. Like, if you do it respectfully in a way where it's like, A gag. Go for it. But for men, I don't know what it is. I don't respect no man who does that. I can't wrap my head around it. I'm like, that's so easy way out.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
That's so like, for as a man, go start some drugs. Be respectable. You're going to go over here and take the girl's gig. The girls finally get to get out the strip clubs. They finally get to go profit and make a shit ton of money. And you're going to go in there and take your thing? Like I said, women are pretty to look at. I'm gay, but like... I like looking at girls.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Like, all my girlfriends who are on there, I subscribe, I support them. I love it. But if you do it tastefully, not in a way where you ruin your entire career because you was, like, busting it open, wide open for, like, $7, okay? If you're going to be on there doing it 50 bucks, you want to see a little punani? It's going to be much more than that.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Like, the whole undervaluing yourself, people over here showing everything, nooks and crannies, everything, $7? A fucking latte at Starbucks? You showing some cookie? Huh? No, baby. I'm not mad at you for doing it. I'm mad at you for underselling yourself. All the men I'm mad at. I don't like men who do that. That's very pathetic to me. Okay, back on track to the whole insecurity thing.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
You shouldn't be insecure about it ever. Okay, you got a pimple. Okay. I'm laughing now because I truly see it as no big deal. And I hope it like radiates and you pick that up because I used to get so strung out about it. I used to get so stressed out about anything, especially with like who I am and how I am, my personality. Oh, I'm a little too loud. Oh, I'm a little annoying.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Yeah, the title says what it says. And what? Being insecure is for losers. And you're not a loser. You're a winner, baby, so act like one. I used to be the most cripplingly insecure person in the world. And the reason I say insecurity makes you a loser is because acting out of insecurity and falling into it, leading into it, believing it will make you lose everything.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
With the brand deal topic I'm talking about, talking about this probably not going to go in my favor for me. It's not going to like help me. It's probably going to shoot me in the foot. Brand's going to be scared. I'm not going to name drop nobody. I ain't a rat. I'm not going to name drop the brands if I'm talking bad about something. Like if it's something real bad, okay.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But I'm going to have to do it real tactfully so I don't get sued. But with that whole example, like I'm saying, you can't accept... Quality that does not match the value that you are trying to live and align with. Like if the value is there, you got to act in line with it. If it's not in alignment, it's not in alignment. You got to reject it. Yeah, does it hurt my heart to say no to the $20,000?
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I've done it before. I'll do it again. But you're not able to feel insecure when you own yourself like that. When you say no to things that don't reciprocate and like reflect your value properly. Stop accepting fucking breadcrumbs. Like I said, you bring a feast or you don't come to my table. Thank you for watching. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Oh, that sounds too gay. Oh, that sounds like I'm trying too hard to be tough. Just let it come out. It's gonna be what it's gonna be. You're gonna spend your time over here buffering yourself and playing yourself down to what? Get people to like a version of you that ain't real? Fuck that. I tried it. Tried it so many times. But one thing itching at me right now that wants to come out...
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I made the podcast episode 67, number 67, back public again because I said what the fuck I said. That episode is what caused like such a downturn for me last year. I talked about what it was like going through a really bad abusive relationship life destruction from an ex of mine.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Let me hit you with the hey friends. Hey friends. I'm not calling you a loser. But what I hope to share in this episode. I hope makes you stop losing things and losing yourself and helps you get what you want in this life. Ah, because people always ask me about, oh, how are you so confident? Well, let's get into it.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And I talked about the hopelessness and kind of like my life story and like what pushed me to a point of absolute hopelessness and wanting to get revenge. And the thought of revenge was the only thing that made me feel better about the situation. Like my life was being fully destroyed just by one person. I wanted to kill him.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And I talked freely about it on my podcast episode because that's something people don't talk about is getting pushed to a point of absolute hopelessness where your abuser, you entertain the thoughts of unaliving them and you get pushed to that point. And it pushed my brain to a point of like madness. And I talked about how I didn't do it, but that was like a whole upheaval.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And like, people were like, you're so graphic. Cause I talked about, I wanted everything you loved. I wanted to take it. That's fully how I felt at the time. I was talking about his collateral, his family. I wanted him. He had a dog he loved. I love animals so much. I posted a TikTok the other day feeding my bunny outside. I have a little bunny. A little cat came walking in. I grew up with dogs.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I grew up with animals, cats, anything you could think of. My favorite thing when I was younger was my little hamster. But anybody can be pushed to that point. And at the time I was 24. I recorded that when I was 24, like a few days before my 25th birthday. I was young. I was still freshly off what happened. It wasn't even like a year after this shit happened. And I was talking about it.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Do I look back at that video and I'm like, yeah, I don't like how I said certain things. It's just like, but whatever. That's how I felt. That's what I knew at the time. I don't get no grace to grow as a fucking human being. Okay. I don't give a fuck to earn your grace. I'll give it to myself. I'm not over here ashamed of what I said.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And that's a big thing around insecurity is like trying to hide things that have happened to you and hide parts of yourself. I'm not doing it no more. I tried it. It's useless. These people, you cannot please them. So the whole thing with like, it unlocked this big thing of like, I said what I said. I went through what I went through.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
A lot of people don't like how graphic I got and how extreme I got. Albanians very different. We very, very, very different. Violence ain't nothing new. The way we talk, the way we are, we are very fucking violent and we're capable of everything we say. But a lot of the times we just talk in extremes because we got to vent that anger out so we don't fucking do it.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
People didn't give a shit to try and understand anything I said. They just wanted to attack it. So I don't give a damn. Being understood is not my issue. I don't care to be understood. I'm gonna wake you up to the reality of what the fuck happens in life. If people are too weak to hear about what I went through and they get all scared and they're like, oh, oh my God, it's so bad.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I don't really know where I'm going to go with this because I don't plan the podcast out no more. But perfect example, I have a little pimple on my face. Yeah, I put concealer over it to cover it so you can't see it so much. But that's something a lot of people get insecure about is acne or you got like something wrong with the way that you look. My response to that is always, and what?
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And they want to have all these judgments about it. They get mad at me for talking about what I went through. I didn't want to go through it. I don't care that you didn't like hearing what happened to me. I didn't want it to fucking happen to me. But when you push a human being with as big of a heart as I've got, anybody can be pushed over the ledge to snap. Anybody.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And I think it takes more strength to recalibrate and come back from that by not doing it. If you look at Louie Mangione, took out the healthcare CEO, that's what happens. You push people to a point of hopelessness, everybody's capable of Of bad shit. Human biology, we survive.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
You could take the weakest little fuck and you scare them and you get them in a bad enough spot, they will act in a way you've never seen before. Starve somebody. Watch what they do. But what am I going to be insecure about? Some people online who ain't been through fucking shit want to speak about me and crying, you know, I'm like...
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
What you judge me for, what I went through and how I had to claw my way out of what I went through, I fucking wish it on you and everybody you care about because maybe then you'll wake the fuck up. And I don't wish bad things on people just to make bad things happen to them. I wish bad shit on people to wake them up. You want to judge me for what I went through?
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
You go call yourself out and you go be under the pressure and the fucking abuse I was under. And I want to see what you turn into. I doubt she'd fucking survive it. But that's my only rebuttal. I wish it on you. Because you're speaking about something you don't fucking know. So that's what I got to say. Anybody who's made a video about me, I don't like you. Never gonna like you.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
We're never gonna be cool. And I'm not gonna name none of them. Because none of them worth shit anyway. They're fucking losers. And most of them just so desperate for clout. They gotta talk about somebody else. They're not interesting enough as a person. Right. I don't wish nothing good for him. And this moment right here is me owning myself fully at any cost. I don't care.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I'm going to own myself. I'm not going to sit here and be insecure because some losers wanted to talk about me. So what? You take away this social media shit. You put us back to like biological in the real world. They're dead in two seconds. I'm going to be the one that they're running to to try and get help from. So a lot of people have a false sense of security and protection.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
We're all human beings. And these dumb fucks want to go ahead and talk about me and then say, oh, I'm scared. Should I get a restraining order? For what? You, you watching my fucking video. If you don't like it, don't watch it. You watching my video, calling the cops on me, getting me swatted. And then you're going to say, now I'm scared. I'm going to get a restraining order.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Why the fuck did you just go poke a bear? If you so scared of somebody, are you fucking stupid? If you're so scared of somebody, stay away from them. Don't acknowledge them. Don't poke them. Don't provoke them. This is what needs to happen in society is a nice, fresh, clean slate of natural selection.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I wish we could just have actions have consequences again and human basic knowledge, common sense be a thing again. These people, dumb, budal. So why the fuck am I ever going to care what they say? I'm not. And I don't care to fight who's right, who's wrong, who's this, who's that. I wish it on you. Then we can speak. You ain't been through it. You don't get to step.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I got a pimple on my face. And what? That don't take away nothing. It doesn't change that I'm a human being. Please tell me you get that reference from Nicki Minaj. Please. Or I'm going to look crazy. Well, look crazy. But yeah, the whole pimple thing that used to stress me out when I would get like a pimple on my arm or something like an ingrown hair or like a pimple on my face.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Let me get a little water and calm down. We talking about being insecure. And that's the one thing I'm not no more. And this is kind of like my final loop through of owning myself fully. Yeah. Now what? Honestly, it's crazy how people can make you feel so ashamed for what you've been through and what's happened and who you are. Life happens to all of us. Life shapes all of us in different ways.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But it's just crazy. People can literally make you feel ashamed for who you are. And I hope that never happens to none of you. I hope by me owning myself so fully and being ready to take on any attack from any fucking body makes you feel the same about yourself. There's no part of you that you should be ashamed of. Nothing you've been through you should be ashamed of.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And even like I said with the video, I'm like, I don't like how I talked in it, but it's the truth. That's what I said, and it's going to sit there. So my whole journey has been online. I'm not going to pull out certain parts to be accepted by certain people. You don't need nobody's approval to be who you are and achieve shit in this life. Seeking approval wrecked me.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
When I don't give a fuck is when I make the most money and have the most success. So if you want a literal, true, like full-fledged example, life story of mine, I tried to care what everybody thought, got nothing. Stopped giving a fuck, got a ton.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
Went back to giving a fuck about what everybody thought and like people pleasing, oh my God, I have to be brand safe, I have to, fuck these brands, they ain't loyal for shit. And fuck these loser ass people. Now I'm back on this side, I'm gonna own myself. And I have a nice balance where I'm not reactive. I'm not trying to prove shit.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I'm not trying to like do anything else besides just let the truth out and honor myself and be authentic. That's the thing. And I have a good, nice balance with it. But you can literally watch my podcast over the years. You've watched me grow. You've watched me change. People act like when you get on the internet, you're just supposed to be the most perfect version of yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
None of you are fucking perfect. None of you. So who the fuck are you to speak genuinely? That's a big reason a lot of people are so insecure is because you're trying to be understood. You don't need to be understood. And nobody, unfortunately, can ever understand you because they don't know everything about you. Only person can understand you is you.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But I understand that feeling and like wanting to be understood because you just want to feel safe and you want to feel appreciated and you want to feel like okay for a second. You want to feel crazy. You're not going to get it when you're trying to be understood. When you're just being who you are is when people are going to get it.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
When you're constantly over explaining yourself, trying to go back on things you said, clarify, explain. That's not who you are. Explaining what you're doing and why you're doing it is not being yourself. It'll be understood by some, it'll be misunderstood by others. That's not your issue, that's not your concern.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
But the biggest thing I want to say again, who you are when you're trying to explain yourself is not you. That's a desperate side of you who's like trying to stay safe. It's like, I need to overexp... For what? Babe, sit down, relax. You don't got to explain nothing. And a really, really big thing, I hit on it in my last episode.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
A lot of people think that they need approval to get what they want in this life. You need understanding. You need acceptance to get what you want. You don't. So that's like another shadow aspect of trying so desperately hard to be understood. I get it. I fully get it. I tried it. I exhausted it. It's useless. It's a dead end road.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
The people who are going to understand you, you're never going to have to explain nothing. They're just going to get it. If you feel like you have a sense of connection, but you're constantly explaining yourself, that's not connection. They don't see you for who you are. There's people who just operate with a certain code of ethics and the way that you go about life, they're just gonna get it.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
It don't take away nothing from your value as a human being. It don't. And for people to make fun of you. So what? I got bullied growing up all the time for all kind of shit I couldn't control. If you can't control it, who cares? But the biggest thing is like, okay, you got a pimple. So what? Oh, you a human being. You got a little infected oil gland. Whoopee. You got a clogged pore.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And that's something that was really, really hard for me when I was in LA.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
was feeling so misunderstood because for someone that has the values that I do, to turn down money and to turn down brand deals and opportunities and certain things because they don't align, I was constantly having to over-explain myself of why this is selling myself out, why I'm not gonna do it, why this is not having integrity.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And everybody just looked at me so dumbfounded, but it's a lot of money. And I'm trying to explain, but I don't give a fuck. I'll make money another way. I don't need to cut off part of myself and sacrifice my integrity to make it. Who I'm around now and my family and my friends now, they just get it. And a lot of you guys just understand, you just get it. When I turn something down, no is no.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I don't gotta explain it. You already see it. This is literally exhausting and I wanna give you the permission to stop doing it. Stop giving a fuck. Like trying to explain to people that you're not a bad person, will have you so disconnected from yourself, not living your life, not really doing anything. You'll just be like, this desperate little rat, like trying to prove yourself.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
I'm not a bad person, but... If people need to see you as a bad person, justify what they did to you to feel better about it, so be it. Some people see me as the biggest fucking monster in the world because I talked how I did in my podcast episode, how I wanted to get revenge. Oh, I'm the biggest monster. Oh, I'm evil. I deserve to be in prison for just speaking. Right, how stupid that fucking is.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And then there's people... who know my heart and see me and have experienced me. Like, this is the best person I ever met in my whole life. He's so sweet. People are going to have both opinions. Cool. I don't care if people think I'm a good person or to think I'm a bad person. I know the kind of person that I am. So neither side really like bends me anymore.
Aware and Aggravated
33. Insecurity Is For Losers. You're A MF Winner Baby!
And I used to be so dependent on like validation of like, oh my God, like it's feeling so unseen and misunderstood when someone would see me. It was such like a anxious, like, oh my God, I have to like make sure that you keep seeing me. You don't have to try.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It was fun. So much fucking fun. Such a good time. But we're getting ready to go to the gym in the morning before the event at night. Typically, Old Road I was on...
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
i don't trust nothing and i prepare for everything to go wrong i brought a lot of expensive jewelry with me and to leave the hotel room i had the privacy sign on the door so no one was supposed to be coming in at all old me would have started overthinking i'm not leaving my jewelry here i'm gonna put it in my bag and take it with me because i trust it on my body where if you want it you're gonna have to kill me for it and i would only feel safe
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
with my jewelry if it was on me, like in a bag, not wearing it, but like just in my bag where I could see it, I knew it was there, I knew nothing could happen to it. That's the only way I could feel at peace because I didn't trust anything was looking after me. Instead of forcing myself out of obligation and forcing the control to make sure nothing happens to it, I left it in the hotel room.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But I didn't just blindly force myself and make myself leave it out exposed and just have trust. I don't blindly trust nothing. While I'm rebuilding and learning how to trust this new approach to life, I was like, you know what? I'm going to leave it in the room because it feels forced to have to bring it with me. I'm going to leave it in my toiletry bag in the bathroom.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
The security thing is on for no one to come into the room. I'm going to leave it. I'm not going to have the stress of it, and I'm not going to sit here and worry about it. I'm going to go and just have a good workout. I'm going to come back, and we're going to see what happens. When I got back, all my jewelry was still there.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I didn't have any of the mental exhaustion of overthinking about it and being paranoid. I would have been more paranoid and more anxious having the jewelry in my bag on me while I was out at the gym than I did having it at the hotel. Now I'm going to give you an example of when I tried to force it and it didn't work is when me and my sister went shopping.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Before I went to Vegas, I wanted to buy myself something for my birthday. This was on my birthday, the day we did the gym and then we shopped and we went to the power slap thing. This was all on my birthday. And I wanted to make sure, I was trying to force make sure I was gonna have a cool fucking birthday. And I wanted to treat myself to something. I wanted to buy myself something nice.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So before the trip, I went online and looked up a few different pair of sunglasses I wanted, I looked up some clothes I wanted, I looked up some jewelry I wanted, and I tracked to make sure every store had my size and the thing that I wanted in stock. So I didn't have to deal with going to the store, them not having it, being disappointed.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I did everything I could to force and make sure something I was going to get for my birthday on my birthday. When I went shopping, nothing that I looked up that said it was in store was in the store. Everything was out of stock. And I'm not chalking that up to some random weird coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences. Every single store that I went into that was like, nope, we don't have it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Like, super, super angry. And I would just force through whatever happened. So I was over here like, I know how it's gonna unfold. I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do. If something gets in the way, no, it's not redirection. It's the universe fucking with me. I didn't look at it like, oh, things might need to go a different way. Things might line up better for you because nothing ever lined up for me.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Sorry. It made me so fucking pissed off. Like it genuinely made me so angry. Every single time I saw my effort was for nothing. The effort was to force it. Effort for me forced never works and it's always a waste. So that whole shopping day, zero. Nothing that I wanted was there. Even the shit that they just had in stores. Nobody had my size and nothing.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Even though I didn't see it online, I was just like, okay, let me just start browsing. Let me not force it. Still nothing was there because I was forcing myself to not force it and still try to make sure I found something on my birthday. I ended up not finding anything. But me and my sister luckily got an appointment at Chrome Hearts.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I have a couple of associates and there's a couple that are great. I got an appointment. Same day, we randomly just walked in and it was like, perfect. That lined up and I was like, maybe I'm gonna find something. There was even a pair of sunglasses I saw in Chrome Hearts a month ago when I was in Vegas last time. And I was like, they're stupid expensive, but it's my birthday.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And I'm going to Miami. I'm going to get the sunglasses. No way somebody bought them. So I was excited. I'm like, my last hope is Chrome Hearts. We're going to go shop me and my sister. I'm going to get my glasses. Whoa. And then who knows what else is going to be there because you can't check Chrome Hearts to see what's there. You just got to show up. We get the appointment.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
We go running in all excited. Nope. Sunglasses are sold. Nothing in my size, nothing in stock that I wanted, except the ring. That was like $15,000. I ain't buying that. There's no diamonds on it, no nothing. I'm not buying a plain gold ring, 15 grand. You got to put something on it, not just gold, please. But there was a really, really cool jacket.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And I got it for my sister because it was navy blue and red. I only wear black. So I got something for her. And I'm like, at least one of us got something. I was so irritated with the whole day of like trying to force it. So instead of looking at that as proof, I should have forced harder. I should have tried more. I took it as confirmation. Forcing don't work. So I threw my hands up.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I'm like, you know what? I don't have nothing to buy my birthday. Whatever. I go to the power stop event. We had an absolute blast. We go home the next day. We fly home because we wanted to come back, unpack from Vegas, repack from Miami, and then leave in the morning. Our flight... got delayed while we were on it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And it got delayed to a point, I didn't get home until like 8 p.m., 8.30 p.m., and our flight, we had to leave for the airport at 6 a.m. All the preparation I tried to do with timing the flight out and making sure I had time, I was gonna come home, I had to do laundry, I had to record a podcast, I was gonna record this one, so I had an extra one stacked I made sure I had time to do everything.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I had to shave my head. I had to clean up a little bit. I had some deliveries coming. I had to get them all inside. I also wanted to pack goodie bags for my sister and my cousin of like things that we would need for Miami. I made a little TikTok and I was like, here are my goodie bags I made for everybody. Here's everything I put.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I had so many things that I wanted to do to make sure that the trip went smooth. And when the flight got delayed, it crunched the time. I didn't even have time to come home and sleep. And when I got home... I fully was prepared to force everything I needed to get done to get done. Then I was like, nope, not gonna do it. Already exhausted, already tired.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I had to do it. When I would try to do something and it would go wrong, nobody came to help me. Nobody would save me. Nobody would nothing. I would pray. God would laugh, I thought. Nothing would change and nothing would get better until I forced it. So that was my relationship with life for so long was just forcing through every single thing.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I barely slept that night in Vegas because we had early flights. I was trying to be responsible, get home early. So I had time for everything. Nope, it didn't line up. So when I got home, Instead of drifting back into the old road of I have to stress myself out, I have to fully get everything done. And it was a constant back and forth of the anxiety of like, I need to get this done.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I'm not forcing it. Oh, this is gonna happen. I'm not forcing it. It literally was like a fucking ping pong match in my brain of like old path, new path. Force it, let it go, and let it be with ease. It was back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So instead of freaking out and forcing everything, which would have ruined my entire experience with how my old brain worked, I would have been so pissed off that American Airlines fucked up so bad. They fucked up. And I made a video about it before they even delayed the flight. Anyway, I would have been so angry that me trying to prepare didn't go right. Oh no, here we go again.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I would have been angry as hell. I would have made it ruin my entire trip because I would have come home and stressed myself out to get everything done in my little, well, like not even 12 hours, like 10 hours. I would have forced myself to get everything done. And I would have forced it so hard and so many things would have went wrong. I would have been angry. I would have been irritated.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And I would have just been like, you know what? Fuck it. Let's just get this Miami trip over with because I'm irritated. That's how it would have gone. But when I came home, I was like, you know what? What's priority? What needs to get done? What doesn't feel like I'm forcing it just because I have to go to Miami? So I was like, okay, I got to pack. That's all I need to do to get to Miami.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
The podcast, fuck it. If I don't have time, I don't have time. So I was like, okay, I'm going to make my sister and my cousin the goodie bags because I wanted to. I made them the goodie bags. And while I was figuring out what I was going to do next, I went outside and had a cigarette and I sat there and I just relaxed and I didn't let myself stress out. I didn't try to force it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I didn't try to control what was happening. I would have been over here trying to bend time and like reverse time. It doesn't happen. There's no point in stressing out and freaking out. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna pack. And that's it. I took my clothes out that I had. They were dirty, didn't have time to do laundry. So I took them out and I started packing for what I would want for Miami.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Luckily, I had enough clean clothes. I have 50 of these tank tops and I have so many of the same thing repeated. I had enough stuff to fully pack everything for Miami. So I start packing and I start noticing I'm getting so anxious and I'm getting so like force it mode. So I made myself stop. I sit back and I start thinking of all the things that I have to do and they keep coming back.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
They keep coming back. It's like my old way of being was like attacking and like scratching to come back forward because I was so scared. If I didn't get everything done, it was going to go awful. not having trust that one, I'll figure it out and two, things line up how they're going to and you're gonna be fine regardless. They might be lining up for you.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Not having that would have had me operating and I gotta do it all. So, and I'm so overwhelmed with emotion of like, I don't know if this new mindset is going to work. So when I say break up with control, it feels like a full fledged fucking breakup. I don't have any proof that that works yet. So for me, it was like 3 a.m. I had to leave by 6 a.m.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I still ain't done packing because I ain't forcing it. I start having a full-fledged emotional come apart because I so desperately wanted to go back to forcing it and stressing myself out and getting everything done that I could get done. Then I was like, I have to go at least finish packing right now. It's 3 a.m. I'm not gonna get to sleep. I'm exhausted. Barely slept the night before.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And it put me to like a pit of absolute depression, hopelessness for the last year of my life where... I had so much doubt about anything working out that I didn't want to try. I was like, every single time I had a new desire for something, everybody's all, oh, follow your desires. That's the whole point of life, the spiritual shit. Follow how you feel.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I gotta be ready to leave by six. I still gotta shave my head. I still gotta shower. I gotta finish packing. I started freaking out. And I had that split second moment where I had to make the decision of force it or relax and stop trying to control it. And what I did was say, fuck it. And I went and I laid on my couch. And I started bawling my eyes out.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Because I was not letting myself protect myself and force things. I made a commitment to myself, I'm not doing that no more. And for me to act on it was terrifying. I was so fucking scared. If I didn't get up and force everything... I was going to miss my flight. I wasn't going to be prepared. I wasn't going to be able to be finished packing.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was so scared like the moment was going to come where, okay, I haven't forced it and now it's 6 a.m. and I have nothing fully packed and now I have to leave for the airport. What if I'm going to miss my flight? All those thoughts going through my head, I just had to sit back. I'm going to give this new way of being a chance. Let's see what happens.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But that resistance in me made me so emotional and it was fear. It was straight fear. Because the side of me that forces things is what protects me. So when I sat on the couch and was like, I'm letting it go. If it feels forced, I'm not doing it. And I sat there and cried. Ugly boohoo cry. I've never cried so hard in my life over nobody or nothing.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
The part of me who had to force things is who I cried over because I had to break up with him. And it was the craziest relief of like, he was saying, thank you. Like, holy shit. Like, I've been here. I was about to force it and like make you get up and do all this shit. But I'm so glad I don't have to do it. I'm tired. And I know you're tired. Let's let this new version see what he can do.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And I had to take a chance on the version of me that don't force shit. And I just wept. Like, just let it out. And I didn't stress about the time. I didn't stress about, oh, I have to get up and do it. I just let it out. It was such a comforting emotional release because, like I said, I could see and feel all the different versions of myself. And it was like...
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
New ones were stepping in, old ones were stepping out, but it was like, thank you. Like, thank you for letting us stop. And after the whole emotional cleanse, purge, whatever the hell that was, I'm going to just put my head down and go to sleep. If I miss the flight, I miss the fucking flight. It was almost 4 a.m. at this point. And I fully was like, what's going to happen is going to happen.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But I'm not forcing it. Maybe I wake up in the morning and the flight will be delayed. And I'll get extra time. Who knows? But I'm not sitting there checking my phone. I'm not waiting for an update. I'm not praying it gets delayed. I'm just throwing my hands up. I'm going to trust what happens happens. And I was like, you know what? I'm so tired. I'm not just going to force myself through it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I laid down, closed my eyes for about 10 minutes. And then I got this all of a sudden like happiness and this like boost and Of genuine just like, let's go back. And it wasn't forced. I wasn't letting any feeling or thought come up. And I wasn't acting on anything that felt forced. Laying there and just letting everything settle for a minute. That's when that happy like... Let's go pack.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was like, okay, I'm going to follow this desire. And then I would get shit on every single time I tried to do something. So I knew I could force it, but I knew anytime I wanted something, whether I wanted to be happy or achieve something or do anything, I'm like, okay, I know I can do it. But I know it's going to be so much headache. I'm just not even going to fucking do it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It came out. And so I got up and I was like, hey, just don't feel forced. It's kind of fun. Like, okay, it's 4.30, almost five. I'm not gonna be able to sleep, but I don't feel tired anymore, weirdly. It's that soul current. When you get locked in with your soul, correct? Sometimes you don't need sleep. If you look at monks, a lot of them don't have to sleep.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
for a long time because you're so in tune with your soul's current of energy flowing through you. When you let it flow and you aren't forcing it like I was, that's what was draining the fuck out of me was having to force everything. That's when I was needing the whole stimulant thing of like, I just have to keep going. No, you don't.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
If you have to cope to continue, you don't need to continue down that road. You need to shift. So this was the whole thing. Girl, I get up. I'm like, what the fuck? I go pack. And then I start kicking into my brain again. I'm like, okay, I need to get this. I need to get that. Nope. I'm not forcing it. I kept having to check myself and stay back on the path that I'm now committed to shifting to.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was like, you know what? I'm going to just start throwing shit in the suitcase. Why not? Let's see what happens. That feels fun. So I just start grabbing everything I like and throwing it in the suitcase. Yeah. I did my little checks of like, okay, I got this many underwear. I got this many tank top. I got this many socks, this couple of shoes. All right. I'm not overthinking it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Trigger warning. Just kidding, it's me. Hi, friends. Missed you so bad. I have a lot to tell you, a lot to fill you in on. I'm back from Miami. I'm tan. It did something to me because I'm over here with my fur loafers on. Like, I give a damn. Miami's vibe just did something to me. I stayed at the Versace mansion. I stayed in Gianni Versace's room. I've been buying all kind of furniture.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I'm gonna just let it flow. I put on some music, pack my little toiletry bag. And I'm like, okay, let's go lay down and sleep. I literally laid in the bed, looked at my phone and was like, Oh, there was no time to sleep. My head hit the pillow and it had to come off the pillow. I was like, okay, I guess we're going to shower. We're going to go shave our head and shower.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So I was like, does it feel forced? No, because I didn't just force myself and exhaust my energy. I did what felt right. I was like, okay. I was fully packed. Perfectly. I was clean, freshly shaved head, ready to go. Cleaned my jewelry even. Had time to even do that just because it felt right. I was like, okay. Nope, the flight did not get delayed, but I was ready. And I wasn't tired.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was a little tired, but not how you should feel after you barely slept for two full days, you know? So I was like, okay, whatever. My sister comes over, everybody gets in the car, we go to the airport. Nothing but smooth sailing. Getting to Miami. We get on the flight. I go to sleep. I wake up. Off my first three hours of sleep. I slept from the moment we took off to the moment we landed.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Knocked out. Dead. And I woke up feeling like I just slept eight hours. We get off the plane. We go check in the hotel. Everything's fine. Everything's a good time. This is where the proof comes in of this shift has been met with so much abundance. I can't fathom it. I've gained 700,000 followers on TikTok in the last week. My stats right now are like 120 million views in the past seven days.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
With me, with posting on social media, that's one more thing. I was not letting myself force. So when I went to Vegas, I was like, it's kind of like a business thing. They invited me, so I want to post for them. But I was like, no, I'm not... forcing it. I'm not forcing nothing. This is my vacation. I ain't had a day off in three fucking years. All right. I ain't forcing to post nothing.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Like, I would rob myself of the motivation to do things a lot because I'm like, this is something I want to do. A goal I got. A desire I have. My rotten little soul. I'm like, okay. So... I see a clear path to go down that road and to get to that thing. I would go on it and start doing it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
If I want to go ghost, I'm going to go ghost. Yeah. I had the anxious little thoughts in the back of my head, but I didn't act on them. That was everything trying to get me to turn the car back to the other road. Nope. I stayed committed to the one I was on. So I was like, I don't got to post nothing. but genuinely not forcing anything. There's certain times like, yeah, you got to do shit.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
You got to take actions, but not taking forced actions and constantly stressing myself out mentally. I was so happy having such a good time. I was like, hey, I want to make a video. So I would make a little video here and there, made a bunch in Vegas. They kept going, kept going. I was like, okay. And then I get to Miami. Same thing.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
By not forcing shit, I was posting like five times a day just what I was up to, having fun. It took zero effort. You can tell by the videos. I wasn't trying to do shit. I was just sharing what I was doing. I don't do hashtags, never have, never done the caption shit. I don't really care. I don't put no effort into it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I would just record my little videos, cut the little clips, cut out certain parts I didn't want to be in there, and post it. I wasn't worried about the timing of it. I wasn't worried, oh, this time isn't a good time to post. There were some times I posted at 2 a.m.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And like I said, the amount of views that I've gotten in the last week from doing this, I can't make sense of it because it does not logically make sense. 120 million views. Like what? There's a whole other part I'm about to go into.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I don't know if I should shut up for this episode or not, but another big shift is like my biggest disappointment with this shift that I've made and staying on this road. But the whole thing with posting, anytime I was gonna make a video and I was like, oh, my videos are doing good. Oh, I should make one. I was like, nope, you're forcing it, not happening.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So I literally only let myself record when I wanted to. Every single time I was like, oh, I wanna make one, I made one. And everything just kept spiraling. And it's still spiraling. And I'm having so much fun. If you're somebody new who's found me from the whole TikTok thing, leave a comment and let me know. I want to see who's new. Leave a purple heart or something.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So I know who's new from the whole new like influx of people. Welcome to the family. We all crazy over here. Now I'll tell you about the hardest moment I've had so far about all of this. So everything with my social media absolutely blowing up. I signed a new podcast deal back in like November, December, something like that. I still ain't fully been paid the monthly rate I'm supposed to be paid.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
For this episode, I wanna talk about hopelessness and how you literally need to get there. Oh my God, I'm so happy. And I wanna talk about how I've hit this happy point. I went into it a little bit last week, but how I said I'm gonna implement a new mindset, it's been implementing. Hasn't been strictly smooth sailing. It's been ups, but only a little bit down.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Money's not been coming in like it's supposed to. I'm going to be getting paid at the end of this month. I have some new things I'm trying to do to my house. So yeah, I would like the money that I'm doing the work for. Yes, I would like that. But with everything blowing up on social media right now, this is the perfect time.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
to have made so much money just to be transparent fully with you if i had something i was selling people have been begging for merch they've been begging for a restock the merch partners that i was with were absolute fucking idiots and the contract is terminated i'm done with them the whole collection of fuck forgiveness i was trying to order more It didn't go.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And then from my experience, my brain would immediately kick in and be like, okay, but every single step of that is going to get fucked up. So do you want to go down that road? Do you even want to try? And it would ruin the motivation. Cause I'm like, I already know how it's going to go based off my life experience and I'm just the exception with shit and not in the good way.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was trying to force it and I've just thrown my hands up with it, but I don't have anything for sale right now. There are literally thousands of people saying restock the merch right now. I'm new. I want something. Even old people that have been with me forever. Love y'all the most. Nothing going to break our bond. But everybody's wanting merch.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
They want to contribute something to me because I'm making them feel happy or I'm changing their life or whatever it is. And with how everything is set up right now and my new merch partner, I will not be able to have something out for a few months. The version of me who would have tried to take control of this and capitalize and like force myself to be taken care of in some way.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Like y'all know I don't sell out for shit. I haven't done a brand deal in over a year on TikTok. I used to make good money on those. I've not had any good conversations be had about any kind of fucking brand deal. I'm picky as it is. And I'm not the most brand safe person. So my whole thing is like what I can create and sell. You know it's always top notch too.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But that's another situation where it all falls on me. Opportunities don't fall into my lap. I always have to force them and find them and try to like make sure I'm taken care of. Make sure I'm okay. Other people online, influencers, podcasters, YouTubers, whatever. They all got seemingly... Teams of people who ride for them. I don't see opportunities just falling into my fucking lap.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So for me to see the amazing influx of views and everything going on, which were not intentional. It was just like, oh, fuck it. I'm having fun. And it's just come from the ease that I've stepped into. Not having something set up where I could profit from it. I started to freak out. I was inquiring if anything was going on behind the scenes. Nothing.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And I was sitting here like, I do not have anything set up. And it was another situation where I bawled my fucking eyes out because I'm not letting myself take care of myself with force anymore. Also, there is no way for me to even get anything for sale quickly right now. That's up to my standard. Could I go?
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
on some bullshit website and make something really quick, print on demand or something, and sell something that's shit quality and make hundreds of thousands of dollars right now? Absolutely. I absolutely could capitalize if I was a piece of shit. But anything that I've ever put out, I don't sacrifice quality. I don't sacrifice my integrity. I will never sacrifice the trust you guys have with me.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And I've left millions of dollars on the table so many times to follow my heart and remain loyal to my word, my integrity, and remain loyal to the people who trust me and look up to me and look out for me. I'm never going to fuck you guys over. And I've got millions behind me when I say that. That's another thing that pisses me off is when people try and make claims about me.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
There's no motherfucker on the internet that does shit like me. There's nobody. No single person. I don't care what you want to say about me. I've done this. I've done. I've said this, said that. I don't give a fuck. because the actions shit on every single other person online. If I was the type to really be a rat and tell you everybody's information, but I don't roll like that.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I'm never just gonna expose people, even when they try to do it to me. That's the thing. I've never exposed nobody because that's a tit for tat thing. Somebody exposes you, you expose them. What people try and say about me is blatant bullshit lies.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was always the exception with everything. Like I could do something exactly like everybody else and it works for them. It didn't work for me. So anytime I try to do anything, I always was like, I got to go outside the box. And then every time I would try and do it an ass backwards way, it would still lead to headache. It would still lead to shit.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I don't come out and try and go at them with their secrets when I could fucking cripple them, bury them in the shit that they've got hidden in the closet. They're little skeletons. Yeah, plenty of bones over there. But nothing's been exposed about me. Anything that's come out, I've said it. I don't have nothing in the closet. I'm not hiding nothing or I would have disappeared a long time ago.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But back to my point. With this whole situation of nothing being set up where I can sell it, I started to panic because I'm like, I don't have any opportunities that I can see coming in. I don't feel like anyone's looking after me for shit. And now I'm not gonna allow myself to jump and try and force something to happen. I'm like, you know what?
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
With my new merch manufacturer, I could maybe rush something really quick and get it good quality, but get it in like a month or two. And then in the back of my head, I'm like, the influx of the following has already, come in. I don't know if I'm on the decline. I don't know what's going to happen. It's like that fear-based shit of, I don't trust that it's going to keep happening.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
That's how old me is trying to look at it, but I'm not letting myself. And when I tell you the amount of disappointment I felt is the biggest disappointment I've felt in my entire life. Like the most insane, just let down and hopelessness of all this situation because I truly don't know what is happening, what is coming, and what my next financial move is.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But on this new path that I'm on, I have to trust it. I have no other option because I gave myself my word I'm going to trust it. But also, there's no way to quickly just jump on it right now. That falls in line with my values and my morals. So I'm not. And I'm not going to do anything that feels forced. So when I'm saying I'm committing to this, I'm committed. This is not going to be for nothing.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Like I said, nothing's a test. This was stabilization. Am I going to hold that fucking wheel straight and keep going down this road? Or am I going to jolt back to the old one? All the fear I've had to go through to stay on this road. All the disappointment, the heartbreak. It's literally been like heartbreak I've never experienced because it's for myself. It's for the way that I live.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And the only way I've known how to live. I'm having to take a chance and change it. But... The abundance that's come in and the amount of views and followers and shit, I'm like blown away because that wasn't my goal. That's the crazy thing. When I've been trying to do numbers before is when they didn't come. Now that I'm over here just like, hey, fucking I'm having fun. Let's show everybody.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Let's have fun with me. I feel like we're hanging out. I feel like I'm FaceTiming my little best friend. I feel like I'm sending like little voice messages to like all my friends. So I have a little bit more faith to keep going forward because it's not like, oh, I got a little 20 million views, 50 million views, 120 fucking million views in a week. What? So this is my proof, I guess.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And I got so just hopeless, genuinely hopeless where like, I don't know how honest I want to be yet, but I was struggling with a very, very bad addiction. Not very, very bad. Let me not be dramatic. It wasn't good, but I had an addiction. for the last year with a certain stimulant and it was not because I enjoyed doing it. I needed it to get out of the bed.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It's kind of like my signal. It's like my wave down from like up above. God's like, hey, girl, proud of you. Good job. Keep going. I'm taking it like that. But also even with this whole podcast episode, it's probably going to come out late because it's 9 p.m. right now. So I didn't want to force it. Like today, earlier, I wanted to... wake up and do the podcast and trying to force it like, bro.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So I was like, fuck it. I'm going to go get my new chairs that I bought. I bought a couple of vintage chairs. And I was like, let's go get a U-Haul and let's go pick up the chairs. This is going to come out when it's going to come out. I'm not going to force it. So I went and got the chairs. And there was a whole nother unlock in my brain about all of this that I now just added into this episode.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So it's like, trust in that feeling. of not forcing shit it's making sense girl it's just very hard to stay in line with that because the whole way that my brain has kept me safe is like overplaying every consequence and preparing and overthink and look after yourself we're done this is my message to you if you feel hopeless i'm so happy for you because you have that certainty
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
That you should fucking be hopeless with the way that you've been living. You deserve more. Do not give up on yourself. Ever in this life. Anybody can give up on you. You don't give up on you. And when everybody gives up on you, good. Ah, it happened to me. Look at us now. Not everybody. Like my family always there, you know. But everybody else, they're kicking shit right now.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
One more example I'll give you. Everything going on is like lining up like magic. It's kind of fun. So with my furniture in my bedroom, I've been trying to find furniture for almost eight months. Every single time I've tried to order stuff, it doesn't look right, doesn't look good, can't find good stuff. I have very specific taste. But when I went to the Versace mansion, I was very inspired.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was like, oh my God, I love everything. This is my taste. So when I got home, all the vintage shops that I usually go to, that I've found cute little things here and there, I decided to go to. I was gonna record the podcast yesterday, but it felt forced, so I did it. So I was like, you know what? Well, don't feel forced. All right, let's go look for some furniture. So I go to the vintage shops.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
While I'm on the way, I was like, I wanna buy a Versace comforter. Because when I stayed in Gianni Versace's bed, the comforter was sickening. And I didn't want the classic one, the one everybody buys. I wanted the different one, like it's a little bit nicer. So I text my sales associate. I was like, hey, by chance, do you have this in store? He texts me back. Yeah, we got it. We have won.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was like, what the fuck? Oh my God. I was like, definitely meant to be. Not going to stress about the money. I'm going to go spend it. I'm going to go get it. I didn't force turning from the vintage shop and going straight to Versace store because I was excited and I wanted to go force that and get it for anybody else. I text him. He's going to fucking hold it for me. So I go to the antique shop.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
As soon as I walk in the door, boom, I see two chairs that are perfect for my bedroom. I've been trying to find couches and like different seating. I've been trying to figure out what do I want in the bedroom? I don't know. I've looked on every website for literally eight months. Like I'll just go into deep diving trying to find stuff and I can't put it together in my brain.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Literally when I walk in the door. The two chairs are sitting there. And I was like, oh, they're perfect. I don't have to force myself to like them. I don't have to convince myself, oh, it could work. Like with everything else, I was just new in the moment. I was like, yes, yeah, I would have to have them. I told the lady at the front, I was like, hey friend, you could reserve those.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Don't tell me how much they are until I get to the checkout. Can you just reserve them for me? I would like to get them. And she was like, sure, anything else? And I was like, I haven't looked yet, but I'll be back. Just reserve those fucking chairs. I go walking around the little antique shop. I find two lamps, literally perfect. The most perfect lamps I've ever seen in my life.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I posted a reel on Instagram and I posted on TikTok. You can go see everything I got, but the lamps and the chairs, gag. Then I find a vase. sickening, and I started to get anxious while I was walking around before I found the lamps and the vase and everything, because I was like, oh my God, I have to go to the Versace store. And I was like, we not forcing it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I'ma stand here and I'ma walk around this fucking antique shop and just have fun. I'm not forcing myself to leave. Then I started bumping into everything. I want this, I want this, I want this. But I didn't let myself stress out about what time it was. I had fun, I strolled around, had a couple conversations with people, met some people, took photos. It was a blast.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I ran around a little store, found the coolest shit. I get up to the checkout and I was like, you got any discount since I'm buying so many things? And they were like, yeah, we'll do 10% off everything for you. But before that, I already haggled a little bit for the lamps and I got 300 bucks off. And then it was the extra 10% of everything. But I didn't care how much it costed. It made me happy.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So I bought it. And I was sitting there when I was looking at the lamps and I was like, ah, I still need to find nightstands because I ordered a pair of nightstands a few months ago. And one of them broke in transit to my house. So I've had one nightstand and a random little shelf from Amazon on the upside. I've hated it. And I tried to order another one of the one that I had that was good.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was so just hopeless and it was like I can't face the day by myself with no help from God, no help from other people, no help from nothing. I have to get up and force through the day. I know shit's gonna go wrong. I know it's gonna go bad. And I got to a point, I was like, I'm done playing it fair. I'm done, like, just exhausting myself. I need some kind of help.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Those were the last two in the company. So there was no fix it. There was no nothing. I was like, okay, I'm gonna have to find nightstands. That was something else that I've been like stressing myself out trying to find. So I'm like, okay, I got the lamps. Today's going very good, very fun. So I was like, okay, I'll go on Marketplace later on Facebook and like see what's there.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I don't know, I'll look online later. Today's going good, all right? We're gonna go to Versace store first. So I go to Versace store. I get my confetti. They gave me a box of chocolates for my birthday. Cute Versace chocolates. They also made me a coffee. I had a little coffee in the store, hung out with everybody, talked, told them about how Miami was. Then I come home.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
oh my god and they give versace mansion vibe but like me because everything there was like brown and like woody i appreciate it i love that but like not for me black and gold that's it The nightstands are only 300 bucks. I was like, for the pair? He was like, yeah. I was like, what the fuck? Okay. They were like from the 70s or some shit. So I was like, yes, I would like to buy them right now.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I was like, are you free? Can you deliver them? Because my car, I can't fit two nightstands. They're big. I can't fit those in my car. So I was like, do you deliver by chance? He goes, yeah, I'm going to charge you 70 bucks to deliver. I said, girl, I'll give you 100. Make it 400 flat. Bring them to me. I was like, are you free now by chance? He was like, yeah.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
He comes over, delivers the nightstands. I put them up. I put the lamps up. I got my little vase. All I had to do was go today and get my chairs. But last night, every single thing I've been trying to find, I found it in one day. And it happened like so quick. And I was so frazzled because I've been on Marketplace for months. I'd be stalking it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Jacking the bean stalk is what I... I'm stalking the fucking thing. I opened my comforter and I go to put it on the bed. And I notice... On the bottom, where the tag is supposed to be, it was ripped off. And there's a hole in the bottom of the comforter, like some of the stuffing is coming out. Used to. I would have seen that in... and been like, I knew it was too fucking good to be true.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Everything was going so good today and God just had to throw in this one monkey wrench and fuck me up. I did get a little like irritated, but then I remembered, I'm not forcing nothing and I'm not gonna look at this like, oh, everything was going great for me to be punished. Oh, I was trying to get everything done and instead of it going perfect, it's still delayed, girl.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It was one day and I found everything so fast. Literally my full day went so perfect and I found so many things literally so fast. So my whole new shift that I made, everything coming easy, not forcing nothing, was paying off. It was, progress was happening. And I didn't let the comforter thing piss me off because I'm not the one in control.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Also, I had to pick up the chairs today anyway, so the room wasn't going to be fully done. But I did take the comforter out and lay it on my bed to make sure I liked it. I fucking love it. And I texted my guy at Versace. He's like, oh my God, no, we're going to order you a new one. You'll be fine. So a new one's coming. It's going to be perfect. It's just going to take a couple more days.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But that moment, I'm so glad happened with the comforter because it was another stabilization moment in the new road that I'm on. If everything went too perfect, I would have just chalked up the whole day to like, no, something's off. Something's fishy. I would have been scared. But because something did go wrong after so many things went perfect, I'm like, wait, no.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I didn't let it rob and ruin my entire day. And now I got full-fledged confidence. You ain't going to be able to break my day no more. You ain't going to be able to ruin my day because something goes wrong. Oh, whoopee shit. Did it go wrong? Really though? Like it didn't take anything from me. That's the new approach. Things going wrong are not going how I like try to grip them to go.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And so I reached for a certain substance from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. And it wasn't to get high. It wasn't to have fun. It was to function. It was... to have some kind of energy because I was so depleted, like genuinely worse than depression. It was a full cutoff from my soul, like life force and energy.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It didn't take nothing from me because forcing it leads to headache. I got that certainty from the hopelessness.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
forcing it didn't work so if i tried to force it and it didn't work or if something goes wrong and i try and force it no i'm gonna let it unfold i'm gonna let it happen how it's gonna happen i'm gonna do what i feel inspired to do text my guy a new one's coming great peachy cane now i also have more like trust with my sales associate adrian if you're ever in the versace store in dallas ask for him he's great everybody in that store is great but adrian's my guy and don't fucking take him from me
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Don't be making him all busy where I can't use him. But I feel looked after by him. He's not the type of person who's just going to be like, oh, sorry, too bad. He's going to advocate for me and make sure I get good shit. So now I feel even more confident shopping with Versace because I'm like, if something goes wrong, I'm taken care of, you know?
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So it was a full restabilization moment and a trust building thing.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
but yeah that's what's been going on that's what's t so i hope this helped if you deal with hopelessness and i hope you have a whole new plan for the road you're gonna switch to get the fuck off the one that you're on all right enough it's much more fun over here whatever your road looks like it's gonna be much more fun for you even if it doesn't look like mine figure out your new road you want to go to but if you made it this far in the episode comment a yellow heart
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Or a house emoji. Because I stayed at the Versace mansion. Comment a house or a yellow heart if you made it this far. Everybody that's new to the family, comment a purple heart. Because I want to see who's new. And then I'd like to see who makes it this far in the episodes. So do me a yellow heart or a house. As always, all my social media is in the description.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
If you want to watch this shit unfold, you can. I'll put everything you need from me down there. If you're listening to the audio version of this on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, hit the download button. Helps me a ton. Thanks. Leave me a five stars rating. Don't force it though. Do what you feel inclined to do, but force it a fucking little. For me. But if you're new, hit the subscribe button.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I put videos out every Sunday. This one might be late and it might go out on Monday, but depends how long I take to edit this. But yay, that's it. I feel good. I feel happy. Hope you feel much more better. And that's it. Everybody be safe. Take care of yourself. And I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
If you're out of alignment with your soul, that's a different level of tired. And then you tack on the emotional exhaustion. You tack on the physical exhaustion. you tack on the mental exhaustion of constantly trying to overthink and plan for how things can go wrong to make sure that you're taken care of because it's clear no one else is going to do it. And God's going to try and fuck you.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
That's how I was living. I'm like, if something can go wrong, it will. So I need to overthink every single thing that could potentially go wrong and plan for it to go forward and like go on with the day. And then every time I would prepare for something and it would still happen and my preparation didn't work, I was like, it's useless. I planned for it and it still went wrong.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And my plan I had of plan B also can't work. So it was like, God forbid I look out for myself at all. Like nobody or anything else is doing it. When I do it, it goes to shit either way. So when I talk about hopelessness, I know about it. I'm very familiar with it. We've patty caked my whole life, not no more.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But in the beginning of this episode, when I said hopelessness, you have to get there is because you should be hopeless, right? with how you're living your life and the way that things are currently going. It means something needs to change and something very big. If you're constantly having emotional breakdowns, that is a sign your life needs to break down.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
You have to stop doing it how you're doing it. Stop living how you're living. Stop thinking how you're thinking. Stop talking to yourself the way that you're talking to yourself and stop your relationship you've got with a higher power. The whole back and forth of I believe in it and then I don't. And then I think it has my back and then I don't. The exhaustion of that. I fully get it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But constant breakdowns means you need to do exactly that. You need to break your life down as you're living it. And I did it. And my final like combustion of all this was forcing through life. Living out of obligation, I don't do it no more. I'm a month, Scott, I'm a month clean from living out of obligation. Doing things just because they make other people happy.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Typically, it's like up, down, rollercoaster, straight up, straight down to hell. This time, it's like everything's on the up and up. And if there's a little down moment, it's like, like it's a little pathetic, little, little bitty. And then it goes right back up. I feel like I want to put more jewelry on. It's the Miami effect, I'm telling you. Let me go get some rings. I need something.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Doing things because I fear a consequence. I'm done living out of fear. I'm done having any kind of belief or thought that I'm not being looked after and that I can't trust anything. And I'm done forcing myself past my limits for anything. And the only reason I'm able to full throttle commit to this is because I did it. I hit a point of hopelessness with everything.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
That it finally like set me free. And I have certainty going forward. All the new mindsets I have, we're about to get into them. I don't have to resort to old patterns, old things I used to do. Anytime a situation comes up and I get scared or anxious or I'm like, I'm about to force through something or force myself to do something, I stop.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
And I don't have a fear of, oh, if I don't do this thing, there's a consequence. I've tried that. So when I say you need to hit a point of absolute hopelessness, that is your foundation for your new life. You have to wear out what's making you feel hopeless fully. If you ain't there yet, don't try and give it up because you will jump back because you'll have no certainty.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So I have a whole new appreciation for hopelessness. Thank you, girl, for kicking me in the fucking teeth because it just forced me to change everything about my entire life. So when I say I'm done forcing things, I'm going to talk about some examples. I'm going to just see what comes to my mind because another part of not forcing is I'm not planning the podcast out no more.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I'm not making no points. I'm not making no nothing. If I don't remember it, I don't remember it. It wasn't meant to come out. Basically, this is how to break up with control and break up with the part of yourself who is tired and wants to have a break. You've exhausted the part of you to force yourself to look out for everything. You're tired. That part of you is tired.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It's time to break up with control. And give that part of you a rest. The part of me that needed a rest was crying like a motherfucker after all this happened. But the reason I say break up with it, when you stop taking control of everything and you throw it up and you're just like, all right, I'm not going to force it. I'm taking my hands off of it. It takes balls to do that.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It takes a lot of balls. And that's what the hopelessness will give you is that fuck it. I've tried everything else. Sit down. Oh my God. Like part of that, I keep going on tangents. Part of this is get the fuck out of God's way. Get the fuck out the universe's way. You don't know how things are supposed to unfold. I was over here thinking I knew better. Please.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Cause things weren't going that great. They was moving, but downhill and like into my gut. I feel like I was getting punched every day I woke up. So with breaking up with control, let me actually get on track. That's a good part, getting on track. I look at it like a shift and like a deviation. Like in the last episode I talked about, it's like a car.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
You've been driving down a certain road and a certain way of doing things in life for so long. To consider doing something different and shifting that wheel is gonna feel fucking terrifying. You're gonna be like, what if I flip the car? Well, I don't know what's over there, I'm scared. Even though your current life and the road you've been driving on forever is shit, you know where the bumps are.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
You know when to brace yourself. You know how to go down this road. If you don't like the road, it's time to turn that wheel. but it's gonna be scary. Every single time you have to turn and do things a different way.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So with shifting onto the road of not feeling like I'm the only one who I can trust to have control and I have to force and micromanage every single thing, it seems like there are a lot of tests. It's like every time you try and step into a new version of yourself, shit just be going wrong and you get tested and you start falling into old patterns and you're like, why is this a test?
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Okay, now I'm ready. I got something to clink around. I don't know where to start because it's not just about hopelessness. It's about gripping life and forcing through things. So the only way I've known how to go through life is by forcing it. And I've had no trust with God, with life, with the universe, whatever label you want to slap on it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
Why am I being tested? If this is how the spiritual shit is supposed to go, shouldn't I be rewarded when I try and do something? No, it's not a test and you're not gonna be rewarded. You're showing life how to rewrite itself for you, that's the whole thing. You don't have nothing to prove. What you have to do is practice staying on that new road.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
So with me, not wanting to control everything, I made the shift of like, okay, I'm not gonna control shit, I'm not gonna force things. If it don't feel right, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing obligation, I'm not doing none of it. To shift down this road, I'm cruising. Something will happen. A neutral event will happen. And it's not a test.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It's a chance to recommit to that shift and staying on the new road that you move to. So I'm going to just start thinking of examples. When I go to the airport, first I went to Vegas and then I went to Miami. When I get out of the car, my phone falls out of my lap onto the pavement and it shatters. When I looked at my phone, it was just the screen protector on the front.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It wasn't the actual phone. So the way I would have responded on my other path and how I used to be, I would have been pissed off. I would have been like, perfect. Great. Great fucking start. Now, I have to be anxious with my phone the entire trip that I'm about to be on because I'm not going to have time to go buy a new screen protector. They don't sell them in the airport that I'm at. So...
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I get it. Okay, my screen protector broke. It saved my phone this time. But now I'm going to have to go walk around with the anxiety of gripping my phone like a fucking gorilla and making sure nothing happens to it. Angry, living in the future of now that the screen protector is broken.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I would have been convinced the next time my phone fell, God would have wanted to fuck with me and shatter my actual phone. And I would have been like, okay, great. Now I have just this added stress of I have to baby this fucking phone. Old me would have taken it as a sign. The trip, this is a bad omen. This is something I would have made it so much worse than it was. I felt the urge to go back.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
to that road I like the whole thing of shifting the wheel the automatic programming the cruise control that's been set for my whole life it started to like pull me back to that I got angry and then I was like wait I'm gonna steer the car back to my new route of I don't gotta control shit so I looked at it I was like okay
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
pulled it off, literally pulled off the crack screen protector off my phone, threw it in the trash and say, I'm gonna give it a chance, I'm gonna trust it. I got my bags, I went inside, checked into the flight, no problem, no issue. If I would have stayed on the other road, I'd have been pissed off. I would have been, let's just get this flight over with.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I would have been in security, going to the security line, annoyed as fuck, people getting too close to me, the TSA agent, take this off, take that off, take that. I would have been so fucking mad.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
But because in that moment, I didn't grip and have to force what I want to happen to happen and force myself to overthink and prepare for the next time my phone falls, it's gonna break and I'm gonna have to get a whole new phone. Instead of doing all of that, I was just like, okay, I'm not forcing it, I'm staying on this path. And I went for it. It's been almost two weeks, my phone's still fine.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I've had no trust with it because from my life experience, anything that can go wrong will go wrong. I'm talking little inconvenient shit that makes me so angry. And it's been like a cycle my whole life. And I finally broke it where I would try to do something. I have the best intentions. I just want to help. I just want to do things. And everything seems to go wrong. And I would get angry very,
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I have no screen protector on it. And I didn't baby my phone. I wasn't scared. I wasn't panicked. I was drinking in Vegas. I was drinking in Miami. I was doing all kinds of shit on the beach. Nothing happened to my phone. And I also trusted if something did happen to it, it was going to be for a reason, and I'd figure that out. But I don't got to sit here and force it.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
It's obvious I don't want my phone to break, okay? So sitting here preparing for it to break is how you line up with that. I'm not saying be irresponsible, be stupid, but I can't explain to you like the relief of not making myself grip this phone the whole trip. I just got to relax with the not controlling and gripping onto everything. It was nice. It was fun. My phone's still good.
Aware and Aggravated
32. Feeling Hopeless Is Step 1. Congrats!
I do have another screen protector to put on it, but I'm gonna do it when it feels right. I ain't forcing it. That might be dumb. Okay, nice example from the little mental prison I've been living in my whole life. I was in Vegas. I was with my sister, and we wanted to go work out before we went to the Power Slap event. That's what I was there for. They invited me. They put me in a room.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And like, looking back, I'm like, so I want to talk about all this to prevent you guys from going through it or dealing with it. Or if this knocks something loose in your brain, then great. I hope you can like reconnect and figure out what the lesson was with your relationship.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
If it was this, or if it was something else, I hope it guides you to that thing because going through life and not trusting any means of yourself to get what you want. That's a tough one. That's a real tough one because I went to the whole thing of like, okay, Everybody hates violence. I'm not going to be violent anymore. That's just a part of me. I'm Albanian. And that's never going to go away.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Y'all watched me cut off from so much of myself trying to be approved of. You do not need anyone's approval and you don't need anyone to like you to get to what you want. You can fully achieve anything you want in this fucking life. It's just a whole game of, like, how do you want to do it?
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I was just subconsciously, without even realizing any of this, jumping to different ways of trying to, like, keep going when I didn't trust myself anymore. Now that I see what I did with that dynamic was overlay a business approach with a relationship, you can't. You cannot put your... Forcing like discipline, recommit type shit with people.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So now there's a clear distinction in my head of with certain things in life, whether it's opportunities, business shit, inanimate things, just like physical world stuff. That, you gotta push past your emotions sometimes, like going to the gym. You gotta eat on your fucking meal plan if you wanna look a certain way. You gotta go to the gym if you want certain results.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
If you wanna gain weight, you gotta eat more. There's no sitting there thinking about it and nothing. You gotta force through the emotions and do it. With relationships and with other human beings... There is zero overlooking emotions. I am now so in tune emotionally with people and it's helped all my relationships.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
But when something in life that you're trying to achieve starts turning into resentment and you start feeling hopeless, keep pushing, keep pushing and go through it. With relationships, if you feel resentful, if you feel hopeless, you best stop dead in your fucking track. You don't recommit to nobody. You have to have a conversation. You have to see what can be done.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Any emotion that you feel with human beings... needs to be taken into consideration and worked through together. It's not you bypass it, you recommit to them no matter how hopeless you feel and how betrayed you feel and how unfairly treated you feel. You don't just recommit. Not with people. You do that with your goals. You don't do that with relationships, friendships, none of it.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So like my actions were not impacted at all anymore. But for what I thought, my actions just in general life felt heavy. I felt like discouraged. I doubted myself.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So that was the biggest lesson I learned through all of this about someone just being a lesson. If you're telling yourself they were just a lesson and you still can't let it go, the lesson hasn't been learned. So now that I can look back and see it was my approach that I used. It wasn't that I didn't know myself. It wasn't that I didn't know my standards and know my boundaries.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I chose to go past them because I had a different pair of sunglasses on where I thought that was how I was going to be able to get the outcome that I wanted. It had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with me making more money, looking better, having more. It had nothing to do with me, my value, or any of it. How I was treated, how I treated them. It had nothing to do with me.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
My value, unshaken by that dynamic. Me assuming it was about that. is what fucked everything up and made me not see my value anymore and not trust myself. Just seeing that it was about my approach and not digging into myself, why was I so stupid? Why was I so this? Why, like, uh, catastrophe? What the fuck is that gonna do? Nothing. And I did it for a year.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So if you need proof that it don't work, it don't fucking work, okay? I did it, I tried it for both of us. Okay, you can leave that to the side. But this is the feeling of when you say someone was just a lesson, now I know it was a lesson. Now I understand what it was about. I feel back, reconnected to myself. It's like that last piece of myself that I cut off from and lost.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
When I thought I lost them, the thing that really hurt was the piece of me that I lost and I couldn't find him. I couldn't get him back until now. And now that I've found him and I'm like back to me, Everything feels like a relief. Everything feels different. I have zero emotion toward the person at all. I don't have anything toward the situation.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I'm a little fucking irritated at myself that it took a year for me to get here. But. It happened how it was meant to happen. My God. Like, I just feel so stupid sometimes, but I'm like, you know what? I'm happy I learned it now. And I didn't keep going how I was going because I would have died.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
even if it was like just a little bit like i couldn't snap back into like the full throttle me and let me just take you through it i keep avoiding hitting the damn topic so when i started writing about the whole relationship in a situation i applied my outlook on success to a relationship don't ever do that
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I wouldn't have been able to, like, keep going against myself and having no motivation, no hope, no anything, and just trying to keep going. I would have forced through my...
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
capacity and destroyed myself fully like it was coming and i'm so glad i woke up to this and i feel so much better like that is the lesson that is the relief where it's like this time so now everything is great dandy peachy keen right not yet so i see everything with that whole dynamic fully different i see how the whole last year of my life makes a lot more sense I don't know how I survived it.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Like I said, like I'm proud of myself because even when I doubted myself so fucking bad and I had no faith, no hope, no trust in myself, no trust in other people, I still achieved some cool stuff. Like my ability to force through shit is solid. I know I can achieve things like that, but now I'm at a point, I don't want to keep going like that.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I don't want to have to keep forcing everything I want to happen. And now I'm in a whole period of like... looking at how I want my relationship to manifestation and success to look. And I have to rewrite that and practice new approaches because force and shit's all I've known. It's the only thing that worked.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Now I see a whole new way how I want things to feel and how I want things to go now that I do trust myself. And I'm like back reconnected and I feel whole again. Now I want a whole different approach to everything. I have no fear if something will work. I know no matter what way I'm going to try will work. That's the weirdest thing.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Because like I said in the past, it's like I tried all these avenues and forcing it was the only one that worked. By forcing it so hard, I trust myself 10 out of 10. After now. So now when I go try different approaches, I know every single approach I try will work. It's just like, which one do I want to have work? Which one feels the best?
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And living a life without obligation is the one that I'm walking into now. Last week in the episode when I talked about obligation, how it feels like someone's got their hand on my neck and they're choking me out and I want to kill them when I feel obligated into doing things. I don't want to run my life no more and live my life through obligation.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I've kind of quit that shit the past, like, month-ish. Now that I'm like full fresh off this, it's about to be 10 times harder. But the whole thing with obligation came from right after the relationship and that I didn't trust myself. I felt like I had to gain people's approval to get what I wanted still. I did nothing but run out of obligation.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And I see now how I was blocking so many opportunities because I didn't want them, because I wouldn't say no to things if I didn't want to do them. If something was fully against my morals and, like, my code, absolutely not, it would be a no.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
But if there was something that was just like, it makes sense, but, like, I don't want to do it, like, it's just a drag, it's, like, draining, okay, I would do it. I would force myself to go through with the obligation. But no more. That sets up resistance to opportunities and things happening where I didn't want to do them.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And I started to resent obligations because I was like, everybody just leave me the fuck alone. But I didn't feel like I could be left alone because I couldn't trust myself to make anything. It was like, okay, whatever falls in my lap, I can't force it no more. Does this make sense?
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Like I'm trying to describe the thought process and the feeling state that was going on that I wasn't aware of that led me so far down in the obligation that My soul rejects that shit so bad. So now with obligation, I'm having a whole period again of learning how to set boundaries. What?
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
It's kicking back in muscle memory very quick, but I didn't realize how lost I got and how this one stupid fucking thing did so much. But this was the lesson. But one thing I do want to point out about when I was in like the people pleaser era and I was trying to think that like I have to listen to other people's judgment and trust their guidance with what I should do with my life and my career.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So with me and success, the way that I've learned to find it, it comes easy to some people. To me, it was never easy. It was never simple. Nothing lined up for me. I had to force through everything. Every single fucking dollar I've made, every opportunity I have, and every single thing that you see that I've done or manifested or bought... was by my own effort and my own energy.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I was like, if I want everything to stop, I can trust myself or I can trust these people and hopefully it goes forward. Trust in everybody. Nobody knew what the fuck to do either. I was just doing everything everybody said. And it didn't line up. It didn't work. And that's what led to a lot of ending of partnerships that I had.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
As soon as I saw, like, I can't trust you and your judgment, I cut everybody. You're out. I was in a period where I couldn't trust my own judgment. And then I was like, okay, I got to rely on everybody else. Then I realized quickly, yeah, relying on them got me in a worse spot. So...
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I've been literally sitting here for the past three, four months trying to figure it out and believe in myself again. And this is what finally came to a head. And I'm like, duh, these people don't know how to help me and guide me. I'm the only one that knows how to do it. So let's circle back.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Let's kick this fucker back to when I was talking about forcing through things in life and enduring headache and having to recommit with all the hopelessness and the disappointment. There's a big thing with receiving that I didn't feel like I deserved things until I got to a point where there was so much headache and so much I had to overcome until I finally forced it and snatched that shit.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
It's like when I was provoked and pushed to a point of like utter hopelessness that turned into anger. That's when I would force to get whatever I wanted, but I feel like I had to earn that thing that I wanted by suffering. So it was like, I couldn't receive things easily. That didn't feel good. I was not able to just receive shit. It felt like you're setting me up.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
It feels like it's untrustworthy. There's some kind of hidden string attached. There's a hidden obligation in it. And I've never been good at just like receiving things or being handed things or being given gifts. Now I would very much fucking like that. That's my next chapter, my next period.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I don't got to sit here and suffer and deal with no headache and no fuck shit because that's how I want things to come to me in this life. I'm over that. I'm sick of it. I would like some handouts. I would like some fucking here just for you. Yes. I would like to stop fighting for every fucking thing that I want and like want to achieve. I'm over that.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So with the whole new approach thing, looking at the whole relationship to receiving, I Yeah, I'm not good at that. I'm not good at receiving things that are just a genuine, like, reflection of love and appreciation. Like, oh, here, just because. I would get very uneasy, very antsy, very, get the fuck away from me. Or I would give something back. I couldn't just, like, accept something.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I would have to do something or give something back. So, like, that's where the obligation comes in also with this whole thing of, like, oh, I have to fight for what it is that I want. I have to suffer to feel validated to get it. No, I'm sick of it. I ain't suffering for shit. I suffered enough in this life. If I got to push and force it and rip off a part of myself to get something, keep it.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I will never, ever push past something and push through things to get what I want at the cost of myself. I've known this logically, but I didn't know how this played in emotionally, like under the, like behind the scenes, like behind the little curtain, this shit was crazy. Honestly, the way I'm approaching the podcast now too, is kind of in line with my new way that I'm trying to approach things.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Like I'm not sitting here planning this out. I have no notes. I have no nothing. I'm just letting it flow out. And if it sounds stupid, okay. If it helps people great. Cause this just changed my entire life. And I wanted to talk about this and just like, let it the fuck out. Because I know it's going to help other people too. I know it's going to like flip something for y'all.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And even if it doesn't flip nothing or help anything, you just know you're not crazy no more. If you think about things that I do and you have these kind of like relationships set up to receiving and suffering for shit and like overcoming and pushing through. Yeah. You're not crazy. We all in this together. And as I find anything that I can along this journey, I will share it.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And I'm exhausted with that. That's a whole different part. We gotta get to this first part first. But that's one route to get success, the only one that worked for me until now. And my mindset with success and discipline and everything that I have goal-wise is recommit. It don't matter how discouraged you feel, recommit. If you need to go to the gym and you don't feel like it,
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And I have shared it since the beginning. I've shared the discipline parts of, yeah, you do need to force through a lot of things. But as I'm learning this, we got to have a whole new approach. And I'm going to go practice it and do this and see what the fuck happens. And every single little trick and cheat I find, I'm going to share it. That's what my podcast is for.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
This is one more thing itching in me to come out with the whole thing of setting boundaries. If it feels uncomfortable to set boundaries, it's because you think the only way to get what you want is to stay in good standing with other people.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So the fear that you feel and the guilt that you feel when you're about to set a boundary that you know someone will be upset by or you're scared it's going to hurt someone's feelings, like telling someone the truth about how you feel. It's not your fault that you feel how you feel.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Only way to change it is to let it be known and talk about it with the person who's making you feel a certain type of way. But the whole guilt of setting boundaries is normal. I'm going through it now. It's flipping quick. I don't feel guilty for shit. Like it really took like setting two boundaries. And I'm like, yeah, I don't care again. I'm back to me.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
It's like I had the realization and then I acted on it. And it's like now everything's easy peasy. But that whole like guilt of setting a boundary or like not hanging out with a certain person, not doing a certain thing, not feeling up to seeing certain people at certain times. Just say it. Protect yourself, protect your peace, protect whatever you feel and like honor the way that you feel.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
If you feel angry and pissed off, honor it. There's a message in it, okay? It doesn't need to be overlooked. And like I said, with people, don't fall into what I did. If you fear setting boundaries, look at why you're so scared for people not to like you.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Do you think your only way of achieving something is through other people's approval and by getting other people to like you and to help you do it? That shows a lack of trust with yourself. Because like I said, I don't have that anymore. I don't feel the need to people please and have everybody approve of me at all. Because I don't need them. But a lot of people have that dynamic set up.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
You think the only way to get shit is by people feeling good about you. And that's the biggest thing that holds everybody back. And it held me back for a little bit. If you feel an overwhelming amount of fear and anxiety and panic and hopelessness with setting a boundary...
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
It's because you think that you are robbing yourself of anything that you want in the future by not staying in good standing with that certain person. That's a whole different dynamic to go into and look at. So from my own experience, look at that shit and clear it up and look at how you can still get what you want without the approval. It's easy to say, but like, this'll get you. Got me.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And I thought I was the motherfucker who could never get got again. And I got got. But something I know for sure, and especially for sure now, is when you feel that overwhelming anxiety and fear of doing something, that's a split decision moment where you get to choose to shift or not shift.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Do I have an episode for you this week? My God, this is the lesson you were meant to learn that you thought you learned. This just cracked me in the head the other day. I can't wait to tell you. Should I tell you from my experience or talk about it just like in general? I feel like from my experience, so like you can see yourself and see how dumb we have been.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Are you going to keep on people pleasing, not setting boundaries, doing things out of obligation because you've been taught that that's the only way to get what you want? Or are you going to see, okay, I've been doing this for so long, it hasn't fucking worked or it hasn't worked at the level that I want it to. So I need to try something different.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
When you go into those anxious, fearful emotions of the other side of setting the boundary, choosing to do that is the moment that you shift. It's the moment that you exactly change.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
flip and deviate from the life that you've been living to seeing how things can go different and be different you have to live it it's like with me just like an example with this podcast not planning it out and making notes and like a checklist for myself i never like script the podcast i always just do like bullet points so i can stay on track and make sure i hit what i want to hit me choosing not to do that is choosing to sit down in front of the camera and let whatever flow out come out
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
It makes it easier for me. It's not a forced obligation of I got to go make this perfect. Just that decision today is a shift that deviated. I didn't take the action that I usually fucking take that I hated. So here we are on this side. So I wanted to bring that up because a lot of people feel like that overwhelming anxiety.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Go push through the negative emotions. If something's actually making you miserable, stop. But if you know that something is in line with what you want, go for it. That's my mindset. It's like, I'm going to deal with whatever I got to deal with inside me to go through the motion. I don't care how hopeless I am. I don't care how defeated I feel. I'm always going to recommit.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
of setting a boundary or just saying something honest about how you feel, you have a moment to shift. That exact moment is a crossroad. So choose to go down the other road. Stop going down the road that you know is a fucking dead end hole, okay? From my own experience, make the shift, make the change.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Do the other thing, even if it feels way worse because all that fear and anxiety like the other night, I had to set a certain boundary with somebody. I wasn't feeling up to like seeing people and like having company over and they wanted to come over. And I was like panicking about telling them I'm not in the mood for company. It makes no sense. Like no shit. Just say it.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
But just saying it was like a full body reaction. And after I did it, I felt relief. I felt better. I was like, hey, wait. T, the shift has been made. And now other people are asking me to do shit. No, girl, all the emotions that came out of it are gone. All the fear and the anxiety gone. Like walking down this path is easy now.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
It's just that first jolt of like turning your car from one path you've been on to the other. That first time you turn it, it's like it could flip the car. It could fuck up. It could go bad. You over your panic skid. You don't want to deviate. You don't want to turn off that road that you know, even though it's shit because it's scary. There could be worse consequences.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
But as soon as you just shift the wheel and go down this road now, you don't got to keep shifting. You just keep driving down that road with how you got there. Set the fucking boundary. And keep going down the cruise, girl. Put your cruise control. It gets easy. There's no more, like, fear. It's just that first time that you shift. That's a good way I can, like, make that an analogy.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
That's a good way I can analogate that. I hope this episode made sense and helped somebody at least.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I don't want to admit this, but it's the truth. Ain't no running from it. I have not been the same or felt the same emotionally or mentally since a certain breakup. Over a year ago, when I feel like I can't get over something or there's like still something attaching me to something in the past or somebody, it infuriates me. Like it genuinely makes me want to bash my head into a wall.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
not to get trapped where i was um yeah that's what we's doing now that's the way life is and i'm kind of liking it i'm very much liking it and things are already getting a lot better very quickly very very quickly so if you're making a shift and you want to change it too i'm right here with you we both zigzagging all over these motherfucking roads
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
If you made it this far, leave this video a thumbs up if you're watching it on YouTube and comment a car emoji. Because bitch, we swerving now. That's a good emoji for this. I'd like to see who makes it this far. So like I said, if you made it this far, leave a little thumbs up, leave a little like on here, subscribe if you're new. Put a car emoji in the comments.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And if you're listening to the audio version of this, hit the download button. Helps me a ton. Thank you so bad. Also, leave me a five stars rating if you feel so inclined. Don't feel obligated. And if you usually wouldn't do this, you wouldn't download it and you wouldn't do a five star, deviate the road. Do me a little favor. That's just me manipulating you. Just a little.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
But at least I'm being honest. I'm telling you. You're free to choose. Also, if you're watching this right now, I am out in Miami. I'm pre-recording this. I'm out in Miami right now. I'm probably drunk on the fucking beach. I'm probably drowning in the ocean. I'm probably trying to domesticate a stingray and like take it home with me in a water bottle.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
If you want to keep up with me and my little birthday escapade, you can follow my social media. I'll put everything you need from me in the description. But that's it. That's all we got for this week. So everybody be safe. Take care of yourself. And I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And I have done that when it comes to my career and stuff. And that's built my belief in myself around force. So like I know and fully trust I can force through shit and make it happen. There's no doubt. I don't care. how nice and polite I try to be about certain things. If at the end of the day, I got to force it, we're all getting pushed.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I'm not like the type where I force something and I don't want nothing to happen to me. I'll fuck everybody up. I'll fuck myself up. I'll fuck people in the way up. I'll fuck up inanimate things. Just like metaphorically, when I have to force something, I'll push it. And I don't care what the damage is. I'm getting to what I want.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Typically, it builds to a point where like I've tried to do things a certain way and it hasn't worked or it's gone bad. And I'm like, you know what? Fuck it. Everything can move. And I like use an energetic force to like push through anything that I have to do. And it's gotten me to a lot of good points in success, but success has come with exhaustion.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And when I was in this period, like full throttle with everything that I was working on, I met somebody and I didn't realize that I applied that same logic to the relationship. So like, You know how we always talk about standards. You always gotta have standards. I do not know, well, I didn't know why I dropped my standards for this person.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I could not fathom why I tolerated so much shit when I'm not the type to do that ever. But in the phase that I was caught in after being single for a long time, going into this dynamic while I was in business and like forced into success and all that, I subconsciously took that same approach with the relationship.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So how logical me would look at all the red flags and be like, ah, not happening, kick rocks. I was in a place where I was feeling a little bit lonely. And I was like, you know what? It could be fun. It could be what it's going to be, whatever. I have a certain image of a certain relationship that I want to have in a certain way that I want love to feel with a partner.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And when things started going along with this person, I was like, okay. Every single time an issue came up, I did not do what I would usually do. Yeah, I stood my ground here and there, but there is so many times I should have walked away. And I've been beating myself up for the past year. Like, why did I not end it the first day we started texting? Because there was already a hiccup. Oh my God.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
It's like, you can look back, hindsight's 20-20. You see everything perfect. And then just going forward the first couple weeks, couple months, It's so clear all of the times where I should have walked off and I didn't. But now I see the approach that I was using. So the same one I use with success, force it.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I was subconsciously hoping that every time some kind of hiccup happened or a situation happened where I was going to walk away and where I should have, I just recommitted and hoped that it would lead to the outcome that I wanted. And I want to talk about this. I don't care how it makes me look.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
It's a lesson I just learned and I want more people to learn it because it will have you tolerating things that will destroy you. Because there were so many moments I should have walked away. Nothing was catastrophic enough for me to like say, fuck you until the end.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And this whole cycle of not knowing why it feels like relief to tolerate certain shit and not leave, like why it feels like, okay, I'm going to get through this one hiccup and then we're going to be smooth sailing. Typically with success, I would have issues come up. I would force through them, hit another point of hopelessness, force through it, hit another point of hopelessness, force
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Because with a certain situation, I was over here like... I've nitpicked this to death. I've journaled about it. I've written about it. I've pulled every lesson and then some out of this scenario that I could pull. I woke up the other day thinking about this certain person again.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
force through it, boom, and then I would have success. So I had like programmed in my head that approach to get the desired outcome that I want with anything in life, force it. As bad as you wanna give up, use that to reinvest it. Do not ever do that with relationships, ever.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I know when you're in a relationship and you tolerate things you're not supposed to, more bad things are going to happen to force you to leave. I wasn't ready to leave. I didn't want to end it yet. I had a date in mind. I still had a couple months left in me before I was ready to kick the bucket. I had it all planned in my head. As fucked up as it is, like, this is the truth of what it was, okay?
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
But basically, there came a point where there was such a bad, abrasive lie that was exposed that I caught. And when I put pressure on it and finding out the truth... It went really, really bad. And the reaction was not what I thought. And when I saw too much of the truth of who the person was, there was no stay. There was no figure it out. It was done.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And the night that it happened, I was like, yeah, this is done. I don't see a way to go through this shit. And homeboy was like, let's talk about it tomorrow. Just... We're both emotional. We're both upset. Tonight was a lot. Let's agree to talk tomorrow. Like, don't make a decision. Let's just... Let's talk tomorrow. I was fully done in that moment. And I went home. Went to sleep.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Woke up the next day and was like... Okay. If there's any way to get through this... Everything in me is telling me there's absolutely fucking not. But I'm gonna try and recommit. If there's a way to find it... I'll find it. So, when we have the conversation... We'll talk and we'll see if there is a way through it. And if there's not. And that night when we met up to talk, they showed up fully.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I agree with you. I'm pretty sure this is the end. Like I don't see a way past it. Not in an aggressive way, how I did it. It was like very tearful and sad. And it threw me the fuck off guard fully. I was going into this like, okay, I'm willing to go against myself to see if we can have a conversation and see if there's any actual way to continue going forward.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
But the whole thing of like going into the conversation, intending to have one and being met with, no, you're right. This isn't going to work. It felt like rejection, but I don't know how to like read the situation. There's any way you can kind of like cut it or slice it. I ended it and then it was confirmed or like me being open to have a conversation.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I don't know what the fuck it was, but it felt like rejection. That felt like abandonment because I was ready to have a conversation and I come over here and stick my hand out and nothing happened. That has sat on me for over a year, and I thought that was the whole issue. At the time, and for a lot of months following, what I thought I wanted was to figure it out. And I didn't.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I literally was going through so many different thoughts and emotions and things. After you fucking lied to me, got caught, lied again, got caught, and I just blatantly exposed you for who you truly are, you fucking fucked with me. And I'm still willing to sit down and have a conversation. I took it as so disrespectful of the fact that there was no interest in talking.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
pissed off that i was thinking about it again like are we seriously gonna keep doing this what i wanted to do was wake up bash my head into a wall and then eat five xanax and just not feel nothing just be stupid i just was so infuriated with all the feelings coming up again about this certain situation so i was like you know what clearly it's something else Maybe that I haven't looked into.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Even though the person was telling me, I'm not good enough for you. Who I am just will never be good enough. I hurt you like being who I am. I'm never going to be able to be good enough. I'm never going to be able to be strong enough to be with you. I'm scared. Even though that is what was said to me that night, I could not accept it because I'm the type to fight through anything.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
If I care about you, I will do whatever it takes to much less a conversation. I was like, this is so pathetic. And I couldn't wrap my head around it for so long. And I took it as a total attack and like a total like blow to my self-esteem, my self-concept and like my worth. After that happened and like the blatant disrespect and kind of like abandonment that I perceived,
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I was like, I don't care how bad I want to go back or talk or anything. Dead to me. Zero. There will be no go back. There will be no nothing. That was my way of protecting myself. That's how I fucking do it. You cross me and then you disrespect me. Out. I don't care how emotional I get. Nothing will ever make me reconnect with you. And that's what I did. And I also thought I wanted...
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
like reassurance that there was more to it and it wasn't that I was just discarded. Even though that's not what happened, it's exactly how I felt. So what I thought I wanted was like confirmation that I'm not easy to just forget about and move on from. It was all about the person in my mind. What I truly wanted was
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
that was disguised under all of that is for my ability to force things to happen and my ability to create what I want in this life to not have been completely destroyed. I lost all faith in my ability to trust myself to force what I want to happen. I felt so powerless, so helpless. So like, what the fuck? And there was such a clear discrepancy of like, I was the one that was like the meal ticket.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And it was even expressed from the other person that like they'll never be on my level. They'll never be good enough. And for a person like that to discard me, I could not make sense of it. What I really lost in that situation is seeing my effort be useful. And I felt like I lost the game. I was completely set up to win. Like I fully didn't
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
get what I wanted or have any outcome come out of it that I wanted. And I fully lost trust in myself
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
In so many ways and in my confidence and I had a whole like meltdown mentally of like do I look as good as I think am I as smart as I think I questioned everything just to get around the point of I just didn't want my effort to be for nothing because going forward I couldn't trust my effort anymore I couldn't trust that I could bring about what I wanted. But I didn't see that.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I didn't see that I used the wrong approach. I used my business sense that I was just programmed into at the time. And that's how I was leading with everything. I used the approach with just keep recommitting and you'll get the outcome that you want in a relationship. That will never work there. And that relationship ending made me start to doubt my ability in business, too.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I lost confidence in myself all across the fucking board. Then I had to go do a tour about confidence. And I did it. And I killed it. And it was like a whole building process. And there were so many pieces that I rebuilt. And I felt confident. But there was always just a little piece missing. And this was the final piece. I made this whole situation be about... I'm not good enough.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
I can't trust myself. What I walked off from, I didn't lose the person who I thought I cared about so fucking bad. I lost the trust in myself to create what I want in this life and to have outcomes go how I want them to. The only way that I ever knew how to get anything was to force it. And then I fully had that blown out the water and didn't know what approach to take.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
at all and i just kept trying to force through things and that's when i was using a lot of substances and coping my way through life to try and get a boost to keep going because everything i did was an underlying thought of like doubt then the cancellation happened then the betrayal from a bunch of friendships happened then the move to dallas happened it was bad
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So I make myself sit down and I get to writing like I do. I just get a blank notebook and I just start writing. The main lesson. Nothing about the feelings of the relationship or anything that happened have impacted my behavior at all. It's been over a year. I'm not the type to like sit here and linger and keep like trying and go back. I don't go back. I'm never going to spin the block.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
So from that moment going forward, not trusting my ability to force through and make what I want happen, I thought the only way I could get it is if people cared about me. So then I flipped into a whole people pleaser type shit and lost myself fully, thought my only like last desperate hope of having anything go right for myself is through approval and people loving me and caring about me.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And I tried to go into business opportunities and business shit with everybody that I was working with and dealing with. My focus became on making sure that they all cared about me and doing for everybody to care about me because I thought I had to have things guided for me. I didn't trust that I could do it on my own anymore.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
And that went to absolute shit because then I got to a place where I was banging my head in the wall, couldn't do anything to get anyone to care about me. It's like all the things that I've learned from the past, blew out the window and I had to redo them again. I was back in the people pleaser shit.
Aware and Aggravated
31. They Were Just A Lesson. Now Learn It & Let Them Go
Y'all watch this whole evolution of myself, like the past year through the podcast, me getting back to having my voice and not giving a fuck. It's because I trust my ability again to make what I want happen. I don't need people liking me to do it. Trying to get people to like me and trying to be digestible ruined things worse. It was pathetic.