Aware and Aggravated
27. Storms Don't Ask Permission To Hit & Fires Don't Need Approval To Burn
Sun, 09 Feb 2025
This episode is how to handle feeling misunderstood and stop feeling like you have to prove yourself. A storm doesn't ask for permission before it hits, and a fire doesn't need approval to burn. Substack: https://substack.com/@leoskepi?utm_so... Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/leoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi Merch: https://leoskepicollection.com My App Positive Focus: (Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 (Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1 Business Inquiries: [email protected]
Chapter 1: What does it mean to be misunderstood?
I will have to ruffle some feathers this week. Real bad, like a little chicken. I'm gonna ruffle your feathers a little bit. Hi, friends. This week we're talking about being misunderstood and how it's a good thing and also how to escape the trap of constantly trying to feel like you have to prove yourself.
First analogy I'm going to hit you with, when have you ever heard of a storm asking for permission to hit? When have you ever heard of a fire asking or waiting for permission to burn? They don't. A storm is a storm. It's going to do what a storm does. It's not going to sit here and try to be understood so that it feels validated, that it can be what it is. Same thing with a fire.
It's not going to sit here and ask, oh, can I light yet? It's not gonna do that. For me, the way that this relates to being misunderstood is you're desperately looking to be understood so that you can finally feel like you have permission to be who you are. You gotta be like the storm. If you a storm, you just gotta be a fucking storm. You gotta hit when you're gonna hit.
People are never going to see, oh, a storm is being what it is, but it's damaging all this stuff. You need to care about people. And a storm is not going to be able to sit here and convince people. You need to understand me. I'm not trying to destroy things. I'm just being a storm. I'm being what I am. A storm will never be understood.
to a point where it feels like it would be granted permission to be what it is. It's just got to be a storm. So that is the basis for feeling misunderstood and trying to prove yourself. You're here to set a standard with your life. Your soul chose to come in and be who you are. You have no option but to be who you are. You don't need understanding from other people to do that.
You're here to set a standard for your life, not earn permission. To live your life. You know? Easier said than done. I know. So let's go deep into the whole understanding of being misunderstood. The reason you don't want to feel misunderstood is because it fucking hurts. It's painful. Isolating. It's not a good time. Yeah.
The real reason you want to be understood is because you feel like it's the only way to get to what you want. Whether you need a certain person's love or approval or anything you have to earn from somebody like, oh, if you understand me, maybe then it'll be okay.
There's the whole thing in your brain of it wrapped up with you have to have understanding from people to get what you want, and you don't. It's taken me a long time to learn this, but you don't fucking need nobody's understanding or approval to be who you are. And a step deeper is... Being misunderstood is an explanation for mistreatment.
It's kind of like, okay, wait, people treat me bad or this person doesn't love me or doesn't want me because they just don't understand me. It feels like a relief to have that kind of cross your head. It's like, if I can make them understand, I can get what I want. I can get the approval, I can get the love. And then you go into this whole cycle of trying to be understood by everybody, everything.
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Chapter 2: Why you don't need permission to be yourself?
And you will never have to convince or persuade someone to treat you good or be nice to you and love you. You're never gonna have to prove yourself as worthy of someone's love. If they're not gonna treat you good, that's just who they are. They don't care about you. Proving yourself is gonna be leading you to beating your head in the wall. It's not gonna work.
If you feel you gotta prove yourself to somebody, they don't see it, they're never gonna see it. And it's because it benefits them to not see you for who you are. But the biggest point with this is their approval and their love is not what's holding you back from what you want. That's a dynamic set up in childhood.
Because when you're a child, your primary caregivers, your parents, whoever the fuck is taking care of you, is your means of getting all the things you need. So staying in good standing with them, proving that you're good to your caregivers early on in life sets you up with being good. Controlling their perception of me makes sure I get what I need. I get fed. I get loved. I get tucked into bed.
I get taken care of. That's already in our brains to associate that, but we're grown now. That's not the truth of it no more. You don't have to gain someone's love to get what you want. You don't have to be understood and force people to perceive you in a way that you think they would want. You get way more out of life when you just be a storm and go get it.
When I said it will benefit people to not see you for who you are, my last podcast episode, How to Stop Being Weak, I go into a lot of the psychological things that go on why people cannot see you for who you are. So go watch that if you haven't. I'll link it in the description. If you're listening to the audio version of this, I'll link the audio version. But come on YouTube.
Come look at me and shit. But if you are on the audio version, hit the download button. Helps me a ton. So the next point with the whole thing of being misunderstood, we understand why it hurts and why you want it. Now you're like, hey, I don't need it so bad. We're not fully there yet. Just wait. Your life does not require anyone's comprehension or justification. People who are truly free...
listen to and are governed by that voice inside themselves that tells them what they want their life to be like. They don't wait around for permission to live how they want to live and be who they want to be and be who they are. You don't have a choice but to be authentic. That's for another episode. We can get into that later, no?
Literally, how fucking stupid is it to spend your life and spend your time trying to convince somebody that human beings all die at some point, or that gravity exists. How fucking dumb. How much of a waste of time is that? And when I say you're not living, you're trying to prove something. You just gotta let people sit in their own confusion.
If somebody doesn't wanna believe that all human beings are eventually gonna pass, and they don't wanna believe in gravity, What is basing your life around trying to prove that going to do? You're going to sit there with them in their delusion and waste your entire life instead of being who you are and living your life and enjoying your life.
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Chapter 3: How can seeking validation trap you?
And I got control over the violence and control over the anger where I wouldn't just pop off and freak out. So the real reason I was so violent and angry all the time and I couldn't control my anger was because I had a perception in my brain how angry you respond and how violent you respond is an expression of how hurt you are.
because I learned early on in life when people are hurting you or treating you bad, saying that you're hurt or crying does nothing. My life experience taught me the only way to stop someone from hurting you or to get them to quit is to hurt them and make them unable or make them afraid. to hurt you. That was the only thing I had. I never had a situation where I cried and somebody showed me mercy.
I had to grab myself by the nuts and just start being ruthless. And that's what finally gave me a sense of control. But that was my outlet of expressing that I was hurt. And when I was in that, I was all confused, misunderstood. I don't wanna hurt nobody. I feel bad hurting people. I didn't understand how people couldn't see how much I cared
But me doing what I was doing was not showing that I care. Like I would match it. As hurt as I felt inside is as physically hurt you would look. So I had that weird ass association in my head and was so confused. Why do people not understand? I also had the confusion of, don't you fucking know? Don't poke the bear at this point. Even if I used to get my ass beat, I was going down swinging.
That was my way of like coping through the whole thing. But that whole perspective of trying to understand myself, why do I get so angry? Why do I attack people uncontrolled sometimes? And it was my only outlet of one, controlling how people treated me and stopping mistreatment and abuse. But two, it was my way of communicating how hurt I was.
So finding new ways to stop people from doing shit and learning new ways to communicate that I'm hurt helped me not be as violent. There was a whole like different shift with the people in my life and everyone around me where it was like, hey, I kind of understand you now.
Because I understood myself and I learned how to communicate better what I was feeling instead of using the only outlet that I learned from life. What life has taught you is not all that there is. So back in the day, for you to try and convince me violence is not the only answer, it's like fighting with a brick wall. You was never going to convince me because I was so justified in that.
It's all I knew. Now, if we have a conversation about it, because I understand myself better, yeah, we can talk about it. There's other answers besides violence. I'm always going to say violence is an answer. It's a form of communication. If you can't figure something out by talking, okay. Show who can stand there and handle what they're trying to do. Look at war. Look at anything.
Violence is always going to be an answer. It's a form of communication. Is it always the answer? No. Is it always bad? In my opinion, no. I can have a way more level-headed conversation about this and be more understood because I understand what I'm trying to communicate and accomplish with what I'm doing. Does that make sense? I hope so. Okay, next point about being misunderstood.
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