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Chapter 1: Why is insecurity for losers?
Yeah, the title says what it says. And what? Being insecure is for losers. And you're not a loser. You're a winner, baby, so act like one. I used to be the most cripplingly insecure person in the world. And the reason I say insecurity makes you a loser is because acting out of insecurity and falling into it, leading into it, believing it will make you lose everything.
Let me hit you with the hey friends. Hey friends. I'm not calling you a loser. But what I hope to share in this episode. I hope makes you stop losing things and losing yourself and helps you get what you want in this life. Ah, because people always ask me about, oh, how are you so confident? Well, let's get into it.
I don't really know where I'm going to go with this because I don't plan the podcast out no more. But perfect example, I have a little pimple on my face. Yeah, I put concealer over it to cover it so you can't see it so much. But that's something a lot of people get insecure about is acne or you got like something wrong with the way that you look. My response to that is always, and what?
Chapter 2: How can you stop being insecure about your appearance?
I got a pimple on my face. And what? That don't take away nothing. It doesn't change that I'm a human being. Please tell me you get that reference from Nicki Minaj. Please. Or I'm going to look crazy. Well, look crazy. But yeah, the whole pimple thing that used to stress me out when I would get like a pimple on my arm or something like an ingrown hair or like a pimple on my face.
It don't take away nothing from your value as a human being. It don't. And for people to make fun of you. So what? I got bullied growing up all the time for all kind of shit I couldn't control. If you can't control it, who cares? But the biggest thing is like, okay, you got a pimple. So what? Oh, you a human being. You got a little infected oil gland. Whoopee. You got a clogged pore.
Who gives this shit? Since when is being human not like a thing? Like, oh, I can't have a pimple. God, for fuck's sake. And I take all the precautionary steps. I be doing skincare. Boots. I got all the nice shit. I do morning and night. Make sure I'm always on top of it. But you're still going to get a pimple here and there. You're human.
I don't think there should be any room for insecurity around being a human being at all. Now, I'm not saying you should just be like doing your bodily functions wherever you want, however you feel. But like throwing up is not a weird thing. You got to throw up, okay, you got to stick. Your body doesn't want something in it, okay, you got to throw up, whatever.
But people who be like farting in public and be like burping and being disrespectful, I don't like that. That's different. But there's like no shame around being a human being. Especially with stretch marks. A lot of people are so insecure about having stretch marks. I have them too. I got them from lifting. Okay, cool.
But like I have some on my stomach too because when I was younger, I grew fast. I'm 6'7". So I have stretch marks like on my stomach. They're not that noticeable. But who gives a fuck? Like truly. Most of the people you see online, girl. They be filtering it. The people that I've seen with the best skin in the world, body skin, face skin, everything.
When I lived in LA, when I would see them at events, see them at parties and shit, I'm like, what is all that? You look like me. You got little spots. They got like the texture on their arms. Like I have it sometimes. I have to use the scrubs, like get the texture off. They be having acne on their face, on their body. They just edit it out online. Being a human being ain't weird.
You shouldn't be insecure about it ever. Okay, you got a pimple. Okay. I'm laughing now because I truly see it as no big deal. And I hope it like radiates and you pick that up because I used to get so strung out about it. I used to get so stressed out about anything, especially with like who I am and how I am, my personality. Oh, I'm a little too loud. Oh, I'm a little annoying.
Oh, that sounds too gay. Oh, that sounds like I'm trying too hard to be tough. Just let it come out. It's gonna be what it's gonna be. You're gonna spend your time over here buffering yourself and playing yourself down to what? Get people to like a version of you that ain't real? Fuck that. I tried it. Tried it so many times. But one thing itching at me right now that wants to come out...
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Chapter 3: What are the effects of seeking external validation?
I made the podcast episode 67, number 67, back public again because I said what the fuck I said. That episode is what caused like such a downturn for me last year. I talked about what it was like going through a really bad abusive relationship life destruction from an ex of mine.
And I talked about the hopelessness and kind of like my life story and like what pushed me to a point of absolute hopelessness and wanting to get revenge. And the thought of revenge was the only thing that made me feel better about the situation. Like my life was being fully destroyed just by one person. I wanted to kill him.
And I talked freely about it on my podcast episode because that's something people don't talk about is getting pushed to a point of absolute hopelessness where your abuser, you entertain the thoughts of unaliving them and you get pushed to that point. And it pushed my brain to a point of like madness. And I talked about how I didn't do it, but that was like a whole upheaval.
And like, people were like, you're so graphic. Cause I talked about, I wanted everything you loved. I wanted to take it. That's fully how I felt at the time. I was talking about his collateral, his family. I wanted him. He had a dog he loved. I love animals so much. I posted a TikTok the other day feeding my bunny outside. I have a little bunny. A little cat came walking in. I grew up with dogs.
I grew up with animals, cats, anything you could think of. My favorite thing when I was younger was my little hamster. But anybody can be pushed to that point. And at the time I was 24. I recorded that when I was 24, like a few days before my 25th birthday. I was young. I was still freshly off what happened. It wasn't even like a year after this shit happened. And I was talking about it.
Do I look back at that video and I'm like, yeah, I don't like how I said certain things. It's just like, but whatever. That's how I felt. That's what I knew at the time. I don't get no grace to grow as a fucking human being. Okay. I don't give a fuck to earn your grace. I'll give it to myself. I'm not over here ashamed of what I said.
And that's a big thing around insecurity is like trying to hide things that have happened to you and hide parts of yourself. I'm not doing it no more. I tried it. It's useless. These people, you cannot please them. So the whole thing with like, it unlocked this big thing of like, I said what I said. I went through what I went through.
A lot of people don't like how graphic I got and how extreme I got. Albanians very different. We very, very, very different. Violence ain't nothing new. The way we talk, the way we are, we are very fucking violent and we're capable of everything we say. But a lot of the times we just talk in extremes because we got to vent that anger out so we don't fucking do it.
People didn't give a shit to try and understand anything I said. They just wanted to attack it. So I don't give a damn. Being understood is not my issue. I don't care to be understood. I'm gonna wake you up to the reality of what the fuck happens in life. If people are too weak to hear about what I went through and they get all scared and they're like, oh, oh my God, it's so bad.
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Chapter 4: Why is it important to own your story?
1000%.
What you judge me for, what I went through and how I had to claw my way out of what I went through, I fucking wish it on you and everybody you care about because maybe then you'll wake the fuck up. And I don't wish bad things on people just to make bad things happen to them. I wish bad shit on people to wake them up. You want to judge me for what I went through?
You go call yourself out and you go be under the pressure and the fucking abuse I was under. And I want to see what you turn into. I doubt she'd fucking survive it. But that's my only rebuttal. I wish it on you. Because you're speaking about something you don't fucking know. So that's what I got to say. Anybody who's made a video about me, I don't like you. Never gonna like you.
We're never gonna be cool. And I'm not gonna name none of them. Because none of them worth shit anyway. They're fucking losers. And most of them just so desperate for clout. They gotta talk about somebody else. They're not interesting enough as a person. Right. I don't wish nothing good for him. And this moment right here is me owning myself fully at any cost. I don't care.
I'm going to own myself. I'm not going to sit here and be insecure because some losers wanted to talk about me. So what? You take away this social media shit. You put us back to like biological in the real world. They're dead in two seconds. I'm going to be the one that they're running to to try and get help from. So a lot of people have a false sense of security and protection.
We're all human beings. And these dumb fucks want to go ahead and talk about me and then say, oh, I'm scared. Should I get a restraining order? For what? You, you watching my fucking video. If you don't like it, don't watch it. You watching my video, calling the cops on me, getting me swatted. And then you're going to say, now I'm scared. I'm going to get a restraining order.
Why the fuck did you just go poke a bear? If you so scared of somebody, are you fucking stupid? If you're so scared of somebody, stay away from them. Don't acknowledge them. Don't poke them. Don't provoke them. This is what needs to happen in society is a nice, fresh, clean slate of natural selection.
I wish we could just have actions have consequences again and human basic knowledge, common sense be a thing again. These people, dumb, budal. So why the fuck am I ever going to care what they say? I'm not. And I don't care to fight who's right, who's wrong, who's this, who's that. I wish it on you. Then we can speak. You ain't been through it. You don't get to step.
Let me get a little water and calm down. We talking about being insecure. And that's the one thing I'm not no more. And this is kind of like my final loop through of owning myself fully. Yeah. Now what? Honestly, it's crazy how people can make you feel so ashamed for what you've been through and what's happened and who you are. Life happens to all of us. Life shapes all of us in different ways.
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Chapter 5: How can you be confident without external approval?
But I understand that feeling and like wanting to be understood because you just want to feel safe and you want to feel appreciated and you want to feel like okay for a second. You want to feel crazy. You're not going to get it when you're trying to be understood. When you're just being who you are is when people are going to get it.
When you're constantly over explaining yourself, trying to go back on things you said, clarify, explain. That's not who you are. Explaining what you're doing and why you're doing it is not being yourself. It'll be understood by some, it'll be misunderstood by others. That's not your issue, that's not your concern.
But the biggest thing I want to say again, who you are when you're trying to explain yourself is not you. That's a desperate side of you who's like trying to stay safe. It's like, I need to overexp... For what? Babe, sit down, relax. You don't got to explain nothing. And a really, really big thing, I hit on it in my last episode.
A lot of people think that they need approval to get what they want in this life. You need understanding. You need acceptance to get what you want. You don't. So that's like another shadow aspect of trying so desperately hard to be understood. I get it. I fully get it. I tried it. I exhausted it. It's useless. It's a dead end road.
The people who are going to understand you, you're never going to have to explain nothing. They're just going to get it. If you feel like you have a sense of connection, but you're constantly explaining yourself, that's not connection. They don't see you for who you are. There's people who just operate with a certain code of ethics and the way that you go about life, they're just gonna get it.
And that's something that was really, really hard for me when I was in LA.
was feeling so misunderstood because for someone that has the values that I do, to turn down money and to turn down brand deals and opportunities and certain things because they don't align, I was constantly having to over-explain myself of why this is selling myself out, why I'm not gonna do it, why this is not having integrity.
And everybody just looked at me so dumbfounded, but it's a lot of money. And I'm trying to explain, but I don't give a fuck. I'll make money another way. I don't need to cut off part of myself and sacrifice my integrity to make it. Who I'm around now and my family and my friends now, they just get it. And a lot of you guys just understand, you just get it. When I turn something down, no is no.
I don't gotta explain it. You already see it. This is literally exhausting and I wanna give you the permission to stop doing it. Stop giving a fuck. Like trying to explain to people that you're not a bad person, will have you so disconnected from yourself, not living your life, not really doing anything. You'll just be like, this desperate little rat, like trying to prove yourself.
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Chapter 6: What is the impact of not caring about others' opinions?
And I used to be so dependent on like validation of like, oh my God, like it's feeling so unseen and misunderstood when someone would see me. It was such like a anxious, like, oh my God, I have to like make sure that you keep seeing me. You don't have to try.
The more I got anxious like that and was trying to prove myself and hold on to these people and make sure they saw who I truly am, it's useless. You don't got to grip onto it. Sit back and relax. It's scary as hell to do it. A lot of people are going to say, oh, you just have to leave your comfort zone. This is a version of that.
I want to do an episode about leaving your comfort zone, like how to do it for real. But sitting back and relaxing into, okay, people are going to have any opinion of me. Cool. That is leaving your comfort zone. Just sitting back and relaxing because you're going to be scared shitless. You're going to have all the anxious thoughts. You're going to have all that like, oh my God, yeah, no.
You just got to sit there, feel it, and sit your ass still. Keep being who you are. People who are going to see it are going to see it. People who want to demonize you will literally find anything to do it. So I want to further like hammer this final point in, nail in the coffin with it. You can't control how people see you. And if they want to see you bad, they will see you bad.
You can't change that. But that doesn't take anything from you. It feels so scary when people don't like you. People think you're a bad person. People have all these opinions of you. It's only scary because you think you're going to lose something. You're not.
Only time you lose something is when people have a negative opinion of you and you change yourself or you put all of your focus and attention onto them and you climb in their perspective and you try and play the ping pong game of back and forth of how can I make sure that they see me as good? Why the fuck are you so desperate to stay in good standing with them?
You are capable of so much more than you think in this life. You don't fucking need nobody. You might feel like you do. Emotionally, it might hurt. But at the end of the day, at the core of it, God didn't send you in this life as a weak little shit. Every single one of us has a soul. If you don't believe in it, wake up. We all got soul. We all got life force energy. We all got intuition.
You weren't sent into this little arena of life in the physical world to... Be powerless and be a little baby back bitch. You weren't sent here with nothing. As soon as you could tap into that, gag. But the biggest thing with insecurity, the biggest one. Oh my God, it sucks. Oh my God, because you have to feel it. Everybody does not want to feel. I get it. I've been there.
I spent the last year of my life and so fucking numbed out where I couldn't feel nothing. But it still was creepy, man. Like the feelings don't go away. It's like when people say that they blackout drunk, I don't believe it because it don't matter how drunk I am.
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