Time for the glamorous 2025 Golden Crappies! We’ve tallied your votes and are here at Town Hall in NYC to deliver the results with a star studded cast. Act One features Jessel Taank, Rebecca Minkoff, Patricia Alschtul, Kyle Cook, Danny Murphy, Dolores Catania, and Broadway’s own Danny Reichard! To listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: What are the 2025 Golden Crappies?
This has become one of our favorite nights of the year, and this was definitely one to remember. Thanks for being here, guys. We love you so much. Enjoy. This is part one of part two. Let the show begin. Welcome to the 2025 Golden Crappie Awards. Celebrating the best and worst in Bravo TV. This year we're coming to you live from New York City.
With direction by Mark Tuminelli and musical stylings by the handsome and beautiful Brandon James Quinn. And now a word from our backstage pre-show correspondent, Dorinda Medley.
Chapter 2: Who performed at the 2025 Golden Crappies?
Oh yeah, you want a piece of me? You better back it up, bitch.
Have her removed, please. And now, please welcome your hosts, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Caron.
I'll open Pandora's box for you. I'll bring the rock for you. We're going to own the night. How about we all go down swinging, feet to the ground singing. This beat makes me come alive because we're good as gold. Because we're good as gold. Because we're good as gold. Because we're good as gold.
I've got to tell you, I'm feeling good. This party's got me tied up. It's got me going like I knew it would. So pour more jungle juice in my cup. I got the Pandora's box for you. I'll bring the rock for you. We're going to own the night. Now that we all go down swinging, free to the ground singing, this beat makes me come alive. Because we're good as gold. Because we're good as gold.
Because we're good as gold. Because we're good as gold. Come on, get right on, Sean.
Stop waiting for a sign. We're out with all my hearties. Let's have a good time. Whiskey kicks off the party.
We're done in eight and nine. Come on and touch my body. Let's have a good time.
Because we're good as gold. Because we're good as gold. Because we're good as gold.
Because we're good as gold. Because we're good as gold.
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Chapter 3: What notable moments occurred during the awards?
Oh, yes. Yes.
So gentle. Tell me about your new boobs. What about the teeth?
You're like, well, I hadn't finished my sentence yet.
I know. I'm like, give me a breather. Hello.
I know. So how have you been doing with all the trauma? Oh, my God. Your show is traumatic.
My therapist bill is like skyrocket high right now.
Now, are your sessions extra long because Povit's been eating through them? No.
No, he's banned from therapy. I mean, he cannot join any of my sessions anymore.
And Puppet is at home taking care of the kids tonight, right? He is.
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Chapter 4: Who were the special guest stars and presenters?
Okay. Sorry. All right. So to the 2025 Crappies. And here's to a future where there is more Jessel in the center of the Real Housewives of New York.
I'll take that toast.
Cheers. Cheers. Cheers, everyone. Thank you for coming.
Clink it. You got to clink it, babe. Thank you so much. Oh, I needed that.
Is that Prosecco?
I have no idea. You know what we have upstairs? Some mezcalume. We do. It was finally brought to America on the Mayflower.
Christopher Columbus, a.k.a. Aaron.
Thank you. Jessel, thank you so much for coming here. We love you. Ladies and gentlemen, Jessel Tong.
A lot of different people, a lot of different types of people bring their personalities to Bravo. Some are leads, some are villains, some are over-actors, some just cry all the time. You know, we love them all. But one of our favorite things from the past season was someone who went kind of under the radar for most of the year, and whose castmates give her a lot of shit for that.
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Chapter 5: What awards were given at the 2025 Golden Crappies?
It's gorgeous. Rebecca, will you add that to your fall line, please?
Can I just make it part of my bodily fluids that I collect? Oh, yes.
We'd love that. Thank you. Add it to your fluid collection, Rebecca.
Would you do us the honor of opening the envelope and saying who won? Drum roll.
Jennifer Tilley, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
What an honor. Rebecca Minkoff, thank you for being here. Thank you, Rebecca.
Love you.
We forgot to ask Rebecca if she wanted to accept this award on Jennifer's behalf.
Do you want it? Do you want me to save it for you? Get out here. Guys, it's your collection. Hell yes, girl. Hell yes.
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Chapter 6: How did the hosts engage with the audience?
Best legal announcement, you subpoenaed the wrong bitch. Margaret Josephs.
And yes. And finally, the worst thing to discover on TV and the award for the worst thing to discover on TV is that Ariana's like totally gonna be on Dancing with the Stars and I didn't even know and she knows how much she wanted that.
The Real Housewives of Orange County
of the morning to you ladies. Welcome to London for my birthday trip. I'm so excited for us to let bygones be bygones and celebrate sisterhood.
Shannon, you came to my room and showed me a picture of yourself with a bloody face after your accident and it made me feel used. Still talking.
My turn. Still talking. You know what, Shannon? You're just a dirty alcoholic bitch.
How? How dare you? I am not an alcoholic.
I am a woman who had a little bit too much to drink and I clipped a house because John Jansen was mean to me. Drunk driving. Why isn't the house in trouble for drunk sitting in the middle of the road?
You dirty drunk. You know what you should order for dinner? Chips. Because you need them, bitch.
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Chapter 7: What were the highlights of the evening?
This is an award that means a lot to me. Outstanding achievement in food criticism. And it goes to Lisa Barlow for declaring that the food in Italy is too fresh.
And finally, the best da? Foo-da! Foo-da! Foo-da! Foo-da! Foo-da!
Congratulations to all the winners. Congratulations! Wow. Isn't this wild? I can... I'm sorry. I need, like... Okay. I just... I cannot believe that you guys all have come here to see us at Town Hall. Can you believe this, Ronnie?
No. I love it.
Do you mind if I have a moment to reflect? For Christ's sake, can I pee? Yeah, you can go pee. I'm going to reflect. All right, you reflect. You know... I've just been thinking about how... Back in like 2007, 2008, before all this started, TV was so different, right? You had The Sopranos, you had Mad Men, you had Breaking Bad. It was all like peak TV, right?
And everything was like winning enemies. And like, don't get me wrong, I watched all of that. I loved it. I loved all of it. But then one day, one day I changed the channel. And I found myself driving down the Pacific Coast Highway in a rented Bentley through the sparkling gates of Cotto di Casa. It was actually the first time I had seen The Real Housewives of Orange County.
And I will never forget how that moment made me feel. Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I want to see more TV starring people who have no shame. Too trashy to air on Disney. Too lowbrow for HBO. It's time to trust my instincts and surrender to Bravo. It's time to try defying good TV. I think I'll try defying good TV. And I'll start with SLC.
I'm through accepting prestige, cause someone tells me so. They say below deck's shitty, but till I watch, I'll never know. Too long I've been afraid of losing cred, I guess I've lost. Well, if that's cred, it comes at much too high a cost.
Binging housewives, defying good TV.
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